#i think im going to make him non-white in my aus

[cosmicsevils]

Almost done with dr. sera - this is fun so far.

[koyagifs]

𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐥

━━━ pairing: zayne x reader x caleb ━━━ au: non mc ━━━ genre: angst with comfort ━━━ word count: 2.3k ━━━ synopsis: im so insecure, i think that i’ll die before i drink ━━━ warning(s): cocky caleb, mc being nice but also naïve.

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Zayne didn’t know what he expected when you stopped messaging him. The emotions twisting in his chest felt strange — familiar only because he’d felt them before, whenever MC gave her attention to Caleb instead of him. He hadn’t thought it was jealousy. Not until now.

When you stopped updating the shared calendar with your days off, he shrugged it off — telling himself you’d just gotten busier. And when Grayson casually mentioned that you had transferred to Skyhaven, he shrugged that off too, even as something in his chest tightened.

There was Zayne, scanning over a patient chart, his mind half-occupied by routine until a familiar voice cut through the hum of the hospital floor.

Your voice.

His eyes lifted, and instinctively, he did a double take. Skyhaven had called him over to assist, short-staffed and overwhelmed, but he never expected to see you here — in your crisp white coat, speaking to a nurse with that warm, familiar smile you always gave the staff. That same smile that once belonged to him.

Something in his chest twisted, sharp and unwelcome. Before he could think twice, his feet started to move toward you — drawn like a moth to a flame.

But then he saw him.

His gaze hardened instantly.

Broad shoulders, squared by that unmistakable uniform. That stupid, fucking colonel’s uniform.

Caleb.

The sight of him standing beside you, comfortably close, ignited a bitter spark beneath Zayne’s ribs. He clenched the chart in his hand a little too tightly, jaw working as he forced himself to look away.

"Caleb! You’re here early — I don’t go on lunch for another hour," you said, smiling up at him.

Zayne barely registered the patient notes anymore. His grip on the clipboard turned vice-like the moment he heard Caleb’s easy chuckle, rich and familiar, as if he belonged here — with you.

The worst timing possible. Zayne’s eyes flicked up just as Caleb leaned down, brushing his lips over yours in a casual, practiced way that spoke of habit.

The soft blush that bloomed across your cheeks was the final blow.

Crack.

The clipboard snapped clean in his hands.

Splintered plastic bit into his palm, but Zayne barely felt it over the fire that roared in his chest.

He forced himself to turn away, ready to put distance between him and the scene — but fate had other plans.

He collided with someone in his haste.

"My apologies," he said smoothly, reflexes quick to cover the slip. His usual charm slid into place like a well-worn mask, and when he looked up — there you were.

His smile felt tight at the edges. "MC... fancy seeing you here."

She blinked in surprise before her lips curved into that familiar, easy smile — the one she always wore in uniform. "Zayne, what are you doing here in Skyhaven?"

"Covering a few shifts," Zayne replied coolly, masking the tightness in his throat. "I head back at the end of the week. I’m assuming you’re here to see Caleb?"

Her smile widened as she nodded. "Yeah, he invited me for lunch — to meet his girlfriend, actually."

Something twisted in Zayne’s chest. Girlfriend? But you went on, bright and oblivious to the storm brewing behind his carefully crafted smile.

"Say, why don’t you join us!" she added cheerfully. "That way I won’t be stuck third-wheeling."

For a heartbeat, Zayne froze. His mind screamed, No, but what left his mouth was smooth, practiced. "I’d love to," he managed, swallowing down the lump in his throat. "My lunch isn’t for another hour, but message me the time and place — I’ll make it work."

"Perfect!" she beamed, before excusing herself, leaving Zayne alone with the shattered remains of his clipboard and the wreckage of his composure.

You and Caleb sat side by side, the warm hum of conversation filling the café. MC, bright as ever, beamed with joy as she spoke — though most of her attention was on you. Her eyes sparkled with excitement, her smile effortless as she chatted animatedly, her words flowing like she had all the time in the world just for you.

Caleb, seated beside her, felt his heart swell. He couldn’t help but admire the scene before him: his girlfriend, radiant and glowing, and his childhood friend — two parts of his life he never thought would mesh so well.

There was a softness in his gaze, an unspoken gratitude as he watched you both. This, he thought, this is perfect.

Zayne cleared his throat, a pointed cough cutting through the warm bubble of conversation. You and MC startled at the sound, both turning toward him.

Without hesitation, MC scooted over, patting the empty space beside her in invitation. "Zayne! Over here," she said, her voice bright, almost too bright.

You froze for a beat, feeling the sudden shift in the air.

Across the table, Caleb’s jaw tensed, the muscle ticking beneath his skin as his posture stiffened. His easygoing demeanor slipped away like sand through fingers, replaced by something sharper, colder. He watched Zayne with narrowed eyes, his body angled ever so slightly closer to you, as if by instinct.

Zayne offered a tight, practiced smile as he took the seat, but there was no warmth in it. His eyes flicked to Caleb with a glint that was anything but friendly.

The table felt smaller now. Claustrophobic, almost.

"Zayne, so glad you could join us!" MC beamed, completely oblivious to the undercurrent at the table.

Zayne’s gaze didn’t leave yours, not even for a second. His smile, thin as a blade, felt like it could cut through steel. "Of course," he replied smoothly, though there was a roughness beneath his tone. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

MC, in her usual cheerful way, carried on, unknowingly pouring fuel on the fire. "Zayne, this is Yn," she said, gesturing to you with excitement. "She's Caleb's girlfriend, and she just transferred to Sky Haven officially!"

Your throat tightened at the words. You managed a polite nod toward Zayne, but your fingers fidgeted nervously beneath the table. Caleb’s hand slid over yours almost possessively, his thumb rubbing circles against your skin — whether to comfort you or to make a point, you weren’t sure.

Zayne’s eyes dropped to where Caleb’s hand held yours, and though his smile didn’t falter, his eyes darkened, hard as flint. "Ah," he said softly. "So it’s official, then."

There was something about the way he said it — quiet, dangerous — that made your heart skip.

Caleb caught it too. His free hand curled into a tight fist on the table, knuckles whitening. "It is," Caleb confirmed, his voice low, firm. "Very official."

For a heartbeat, no one moved. MC, still blissfully unaware, started flipping through the menu, humming to herself. "I heard the chef’s special today is amazing! Should we try it?"

The tension at the table crackled like a live wire.

" it's nice to see you alive and well Caleb," Zayne said, the alive being sharp.

MC let out an awkward chuckle, " caleb here has played dead for a year… "

You nodded your head , " i know.. i actually was his doctor during his time in the hospital. "

Zayne’s gaze flicked to you, sharp and assessing, like he was seeing you in a new light. "His doctor," he echoed, voice low with a dangerous edge. His lips curled into something that tried to pass as a smile but didn’t quite make it. "Well, then I suppose I should be thanking you. Without you, we wouldn’t be having this charming lunch, would we?"

Caleb’s jaw tightened at the implication. "She did more than save my life," he said, his voice firm and protective. His fingers tightened slightly around yours, as if anchoring himself — or you. "She’s the reason I made it through at all."

MC, ever the peacemaker, laughed nervously, trying to lighten the mood. "See? I told you two would get along just fine!"

You offered MC a small, appreciative smile, but your attention was glued to the silent exchange of glances between Caleb and Zayne. Zayne’s eyes never really left you, though, dark and swirling with something unreadable. Curiosity? Jealousy? Resentment?

Maybe all three.

"Is that so?" Zayne murmured, eyes narrowing just a fraction. "Interesting how fate works, isn’t it?"

"It is," Caleb said tightly, his gaze hard as steel. "Especially when it brings old ghosts back to life."

The words hung heavy in the air.

MC’s smile faltered just a little as she glanced between the two men, sensing the shift in atmosphere at last.

You cleared your throat gently, hoping to dispel the storm clouds gathering above the table. "So," you said, forcing a calm tone, "how do you two know each other?"

Zayne’s gaze darkened further, a storm behind his eyes. "Oh," he said softly, "Caleb and I go way back."

"Too far back," Caleb replied, voice low and warning.

MC’s eyes widened, and she quickly took a sip of her drink, muttering under her breath, "Maybe we should’ve ordered that chef’s special sooner."

" We're all childhood friends, actually! It's so nice to have another girl to the group yn," MC said, trying her best to ease the tension.

you smiled, grateful for her to try and ease it. " i'm excited, Caleb spoke so much of you."

MC brightened at your words, her eyes sparkling with genuine warmth. "Really? He mentioned me?" she asked, a little surprised but clearly pleased. She shot Caleb a playful look. "I thought you forgot all about us while you were being Mr. Mysterious."

Caleb chuckled as MC left to the bathroom, leaving just the three of you. Caleb was quick to change his smile to a thin line as Zayne and him had a stare off. You looked at the both of them, picking at your nails as you began to get nervous.

" caleb… drop it, what happen in the past is over." you said softly.

Caleb didn’t look away from Zayne. His jaw ticked, tight with tension, and though you’d spoken softly, your words seemed to hang heavy in the air between them.

"Is it?" Caleb’s voice was low, bitter. "Because some people clearly don’t think so."

Zayne let out a short, humorless laugh, folding his arms across his chest. His eyes, sharp and glinting with something darker, flicked toward you briefly before returning to Caleb. "The past isn’t dead, Caleb," he said coldly. "It’s not even past."

You swallowed, feeling the temperature in the room drop. Your fingers kept fidgeting at your nails, heart thudding in your chest.

"Zayne, please," you tried again, a little firmer this time, desperate to stop whatever this was from escalating further.

His gaze softened, just barely, as it landed on you again. " why are you so set on yn. You ghosted her and all of sudden you see her again and you want her?"

Zayne’s glare darkened, a storm brewing behind his eyes. His jaw clenched so tight you swore you could hear his teeth grind. Caleb’s words hit too close to home, and Zayne hated that — hated that Caleb could still read him that well.

"You don’t know what you’re talking about," Zayne growled, his voice low and dangerous.

Caleb scoffed, an almost pitying smile tugging at his lips. "Don’t I? Because it looks to me like you’re just pissed someone else got to her first."

Your breath caught in your throat, eyes darting between them as the air thickened, heavy with old wounds and unspoken things.

"Stop it," you said quickly, your voice a bit shaky but determined. "Both of you. This isn’t about me."

But they barely heard you.

"It was never about firsts, Caleb," Zayne snapped back, stepping closer, his tone sharp like a blade. "It’s about right. And you? You were never right for her."

Caleb’s smirk faltered for a fraction of a second, enough for Zayne to see the crack in his armor. "You don’t get to decide that," Caleb shot back, fire flickering in his eyes. "Not after you disappeared without a word. Not after you left her wondering."

You flinched at Caleb’s words, the truth of them stirring the ache in your chest. Memories you tried to bury clawed their way to the surface, uninvited and raw.

Zayne’s gaze briefly flicked to you, and for a moment, something vulnerable slipped through his defenses — regret, sharp and suffocating. But then it was gone, masked by anger.

Zayne’s lips parted like he wanted to say something — needed to say something — but the sharp beep of your pager had cut through the tension like a blade. You glanced at the screen, reading the urgent message, and sighed, the weight of responsibility sinking your shoulders.

"Figures," you mumbled under your breath, more to yourself than anyone else.

Caleb’s expression softened with guilt, his earlier fire dimmed as he extended his hand toward you. Without hesitation, you took it, your fingers curling around his like second nature. His thumb brushed over your knuckles, a silent apology in the gesture.

Zayne's eyes flicked to where your hands connected, and something dark twisted in his gaze — regret? Jealousy? Maybe both. But he didn’t speak. He just watched you with that intense stare that always managed to leave you breathless, no matter how much you tried to steel yourself against it.

"I have to get back," you said, voice quiet but final. "It was nice seeing you, Zayne…" The words tasted bittersweet, like ash and longing on your tongue.

For a heartbeat, Zayne didn’t respond. His jaw tightened as he forced out a nod, but his eyes never left yours. "Yeah," he rasped, voice low. "You too, Yn."

There was so much unsaid in those three words, it nearly made you pause. Nearly.

But Caleb’s hand in yours was an anchor, steadying you as you turned away, your heart pounding in your chest like a warning drum.

As you and Caleb walked away, you felt the weight of Zayne’s gaze burning into your back, and you ignored the feeling. You felt at peace to finally be happy.

taglist: @justpassingdontworry @dstrctaya @rena-library @boredgirls-things @girlwith-kalei-do-scope-eyes @jellypear @debrahhhhhhh @taytayy178 @cheezeandkrackers @bubbleteakittyy @lighting-and-shadow @aysmesays @chocochip-gaia @sylustoru @sleepykittyenergy @ruyaya @lifumi @angelichiaro @viqlume @mizifrog @loreleis-world @animegamerfox

[critterishere]

hi! ♡ how are you doing ? i hope you had a good day

do you mind people drawing your postal guys' designs (with credits, ofc) ? i really love them – they're cute and have great character design. all of them. especially postal redux dude, i love his weird bob

also, do you have any random headcanons on the dudes? im always interested to hear people's interpretation of the dudes.

Sorry this answer is late!! (；o；) A lot of asks I’ve been meaning to do have been buried.. I need to try to work through priority asks and then do the simpler ones……🥹

Hope you had a good day as well! I don’t mind people drawing my dude designs at all,,,,,, In fact,, I would love to see them in other peoples styles!!☺️ go wild go crazy it’s not like I own the characters anyway lol!

Now… About the headcanons..😈 I’ve actually been meaning to make a headcanon post,,, specifically one for Redux dude since my version of him and his game is,,, like,,,, very different.😭 I’ll probably include some smaller headcanon stuff for him here as well as some other dude stuff(only P1 & P2 sorry)!!!!!!!!!! These are kinda long sorry.

Big headcanon section oh boy!!!

Warnings b4 you read tho bc oops! I got carried away: Delusions, self harm, death of a family member, objects placed in wounds, saneism & ableism & racism, religious trauma, body dysmorphia, drug mention, and suggestive topics (objectum talk and discussing p2’s (lack of) freakiness..)

Postal Redux dude:

Physical appearance: His hair is dyed red,,, original hair color was black. Used to have long hair when he was younger, but got it cut when his mother died (when he was around 8 maybe). Always kept it short since (i don’t think your mother would approve of that fuckass bob /silly😭). He’s got a couple of moles,, two on the right of his chin, one on his neck,,, and a few other places probably. Very tan,,,,,, his farmers tan is absolutely crazy man if you peel back his pant leg or something you will be BLINDED by how pale the skin is there compared to the rest of him. Has a very large nose. His eyes are brown,,, might be the only dude I’ve drawn that doesn’t have green eyes,,, woah what the freak..

He’s in medical school,, he was close to graduating before the events of the game.💔

The shotgun Redux has (the starting gun for my version of Postal Redux ig idk sighs kicks rock) used to be one of his family’s old hunting guns. His family probably hunted ducks or something idk,, something small. Had a couple of hunting dogs in his childhood,, big dog person.

After the death/disappearance of his mother, his father started taking him to church. Redux always HATED going. The people there always acted odd around them,, probably since they were the few non-white families that visited (why did his dad take him to a mainly white church,,, the hell was there nothing better around?💔 free my boy).

Unlike P1 dude, a man that believes that the residents of Paradise are being infected with a plague that makes them into these sick and violent people, Redux dude believes that the people of Paradise already had evil within them and that they have indulged in their sick desires, thus transforming them into these mindless and violent people.. A more basic outline would be that P1 dude thinks that people are “becoming violent” because of a plague and Redux dude thinks that people are “becoming violent” because of a curse. Disease vs Transformation or something idk. P1 is a bit more sympathetic with his view of the people of Paradise, even if he’s terrified of them. He just wants to stop the virus so that no more people suffer. On the other hand, Redux sees these people as horrible creatures that should be taken care of. He wants to take out all the hostiles so that no one else could get hurt by them. (Dude I need to make a p1 and redux doomed yuri au post I looove thinking about them in the “war” together man… I love thinking about their different ideologies and how they would act around each other and the bond they would form from going through this event UGHH!!!!!! MYY YAIO!!!!!!!!!!!)

he’s probably one of them queers,,,, I physically cannot see him ever being romantically involved with a woman😭😭 don’t think he uses labels but just can’t see him liking women. That’s all really.

He’s objectum about fire (that’s right I’m infecting every dude with objectum propaganda!!). He loves everything about fire. The warmth, the smoke, the smell, the brightness, the colors, all of it. He’s got burn marks on his fingers and arms from playing with his lighter,,,, and maybe some of the ends of his hair are a bit fried as well. Idiot.❤️

Random thing,,, he has a fear of owls. Very superstitious about them. Refuses to look at them even if it’s a drawing or something, he just hates their eyes. (Cough cough I think the demon utilizes this fear against him sometimes— DEMON JUMPSCARE TF?? GET OUT!!!!!!!)

Postal 1 dude:

Physical appearance: That concept art of him is just how he looks to me, although my design has some differences. He has unkempt wavy hair and uh… sigh…… I kinda gave him uh,,,,,, a somewhat. noticeable.. chest area……… sighs even louder……….. sorry guys…………… (insert that one image of Principal Benjamin Krupp screaming with the caption “BREASTS!1!1!1!” here…)

Failed medical school. :^[ Works at the EZ Mart,, not very happy about it but he’s a decent worker,, gets the job done. (And then he got fired for not showing up to work for while because of his increasing paranoia towards the town OOPS…)

Gulf War vet. This guy 100% has ptsd. I mean like,,, look at his diary entries! They’re literally called WAR JOURNAL ENTRIES at some points…… War haunts him.☹️

Definitely neurodivergent,, no arguing against it. Got bullied for being “weird” or “crazy” when he was younger (probably in his middle school years if I were to visualize it,, high school was slightly less horrific for him)(damn why do neurotypicals have a neurdivergent radar just for bullying?😭😭). I could definitely see him having a meltdown or experiencing a really bad delusion while in school, then the next day people are making fun of him and mimicking his freakout. He has internalize ableism for sure man,, I don’t think he has a nice view of himself in any way.☹️☹️Anyway uh,,,,, happy fun time look over here👉 He had a huge interest in birds when he was younger. His favorite bird is the mourning dove, he loves the sounds they make! He also has an interest in firearms and anything medical related!

Insane memory issues. He doesn’t remember a good chunk of his childhood,, if at all😭. His brain repressed or mixes up a lot of events. Because of his memory problems, he starts keeping a diary around to write about specific/important events that happened throughout his day. I also think that he has sticky notes and papers stuck to walls, counters, etc that remind him to do stuff (like if he has to make a call on a specific date or to get groceries)

He had quite a few delusions in his life before the game’s events. Current/in game delusion is that there’s a “hate plague” infecting the residents of Paradise, and that every one of the infected is out to get him. Most of his delusions before were usually about him being the sick one instead of others being sick (this new development is probably the demon’s influence cough cough sorry). Past delusions include: Specific parts of his body rotting/growing mold/being contaminated. God making him sick/decay as a punishment for being sinful. Having foreign objects put inside him without his knowledge (bugs, glass, government tracking devices, etc). And people watching/following him. Happy happy joy joy wow.💔💔💔

I think he’s got the traumatized christian guilt asexual maybe slightly transgender mindset of “I hate what this body was created for, what its purpose is. I was created to sin and I hate it. Why can’t I stay pure, Lord? I wish I could stay pure. Why have you cursed me with such a terrible body?”

Oh yeah btw he’s demisexual to me…… bc I’m built different…….

His shoulders, arms, stomach, and upper legs are covered in scratches. He scratches/cuts the parts of his body that he thinks is rotting. He has DEFINITELY thought about chopping off his genitalia many MANY times before. (He always pussies out last second, turning into a sobbing slobbering mess of a man. He’ll lie on the floor,, weeping and clawing at his sides,, choking on his own spit,,,, in front of him lies a knife or maybe a pair of garden hedge shears if he was planning it for a while. HES JUST LIKE ME—)

Could possibly be a trans women… Doesn’t know it yet,, she’s an egg. If the events of Postal 1 never happened then maybe she would have transitioned and been much happier…… sigh……. Anyway uh,,,,, definitely has internalize homophobia💔 is probably bi maybe,,, idk..

Objectum about guns and various metal objects!!!! The whole metal thing is kinda like a “wow!😳😍🤤” for him,, homosexual behavior... He loves the feeling of cold, smooth metal against his skin. He doesn’t do it too often, but he has shoved metal objects like nails and screws into his open cuts before... After he uhh,,,,,,,,,, freaks it up,, ig,,, or feels extremely horrible about what he’s doing,,,,, he desperately digs them out, cleans all the blood up, and prays to god hoping that this doesn’t ruin his chance to go to heaven (and that he doesn’t get an infection bc why are you putting that in your wounds ow ow ow). Rip my odd freak man💔🙏,, Free my boy he ain’t doing nothing wrong!!!!!! Anyway uh,,, his interest in guns is a bit more serious. Guns are really special to him. (Falls down flight of stairs) firearms are like guardian angels to me— (dies). After buying a gun for himself, he started to form a connection with it. At this point he has isolated himself from the outside world for a bit, so he is extremely lonely. I think he would talk to his gun,, just to entertain himself at first,,,,, but then he actually like,,,,,,,, thinks the gun is a living being,, and treats it like one. The gun doesn’t “talk back” or anything like that (his hallucinations are more tactile in nature I thinks,, idk if he would have auditory ones🤷), but he feels like he somehow knows what it’s thinking. It has a personality. It has its own history. It understands him, it appreciates him, and it wants to keep him safe. He needs someone like that at this moment, someone that cares about him and will protect him. Anyway uh cough cough coughs really loudly umm yaeh yeah he’s madly in love with his main gun,,,,, his feelings are mostly romantic. He loves caressing it, feeling around every grove,,, he loves kissing and licking it everywhere (he constantly has to clean off the spit,, that thing gets so drenched after he’s done with it😭),,,, he really loves cleaning it,, although he gets so embarrassed about it (he starts blushing like an anime girl and shit when he takes it apart LMAOO)… He’s very odd about his love for it❤️. Unfortunately in game I don’t really imagine gun yaoi interactions that much.. Gun yaoi might be more plausible in a different setting but yk the demon starts harassing dude about how the earth is hungry or whatever so💔 sigh… 

Postal 2 dude:

Physical appearance: He has long hair that goes down to his elbows,,,,, it’s so greasy and very tangled. He slicks his hair back a lot (big ass forehead reveal!☝️). He has freckles,,,, very scrawny,,,, many scars,,,, posture sucks doo doo.

First thing out the way HE’S INTERSEX!!!!! YOU CAN’T PRY THIS HEADCANON OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Running With Scissors told me it’s canon!☝️😼 /j ….

He also has the autism microchip,,, he had a special interest on aliens for years (and cryptids in general,, but he’s very focused on aliens). He doesn’t believe they exist,, he just likes the funny little space men. Will look at anything that involves these guys. Used to have a big collection of alien stuff he hoarded over the years like figures, plushies, masks, anything really! Most of that stuff is gone now since he had to sell them for money💔…

Yk the postal “oops I nuked you again😝” and other song parodies dude sings. (Grabs you by the shoulders) I think he sings dumb little Champ related parodies of songs to himself while he walks Champ or something…(grips your shoulders harder and starts to tear up) I hate this man btw ((this headcanon was based off of my dad. He did that with our animals.🐾 it’s very silly to me))

Controversial headcanon warning,,, I think the freaky freaktastic freak guy that people like drawing freaky and in a gimp suit and stuff is asexual,,, or at least on the spectrum of asexuality. Sorry guys😔…… I don’t know where I got this headcanon from nor do I know where exactly he falls on the spectrum, but he is ace guys I swear just trust me bro. If you want a explanation on how I see him then uhhh,,,, in short he’s like Sans Undertale to me (SANS MENTION OUT OF NOWHERE LMAO😭). Sans wouldn’t be a freak bc he’s ace because he’s too lazy to participate in activities like that yk,,,,, but for P2 instead of being “too lazy,” he’s just depressed as shit😭😭. Not saying that he never had sex before bc that’s obviously not true (idk why I would even claim that),,, but what I’m saying is that I don’t think he enjoys it really (and neither do the people he had sex with LMAO,, he’s REALLY bad at it man). He’ll much rather smoke crack or eat a burger or blow himself up.

The body dysmorphia is insane man. He HATES how he looks…… He’s currently in “idgaf” mode and trying to tough it out, but when he was younger he was sooooo insecure about being born intersex. Even before puberty he knew that “something was wrong with his body” (L mindset just accept it my boy. (i mean,, it’s not that easy but look man come on)),, then puberty came in like a train (boob jumpscare) and messed him up bad. He would start binding around this time. He didn’t have the proper resources tho so he used methods like bandages or duct tape (ow) to keep it down. Started binding half because “wtf,, I’m a man why is this happening??😠☹️😟” and the other half is because of his distrust in other men his age… He’s a smaller man and he’s not very strong,,, more feminine features are basically a death sentence. I think he stops binding in his 30s though (no bra wearing either❌,, we let it sag like MEN🗣🔥),,,, he’s too tired to keep doing all that. 

Struggled with sh for a majority of his life. Always on and off about it. He’ll be fine for awhile but every now and then he relapses bc he feels hopeless and is tired of being stuck in the same routine, wanting to feel something new,,,, oughhh gently explodes him with mind.

He seems scoliosis coded to me….. idk man his spine can’t be fine… Look at that man! I think he has every single condition and disease ever /j.

He’s not doing too great after the whole getting brain damage thing,,,, ears are constantly ringing (same twin💔tinnitus gang), the headaches are hell, is confused half the time, cant balance much anymore, constantly fatigued, etc etc etc symptoms here symptoms there,, he’s not having fun at all. 

Aaaaaand that’s all the headcanons i have rn,,,, hopefully I can think more about the other dudes soon and update these! (And hopefully future headcanons aren’t this heavy bc some of these make me howl at the moon in despair lmao)

[asterifish]

Hello~~

Can i request a NCT Yuta who is a dom top with a bottom reader with a huge ego where Yuta basically not only humbles but feminize and makes the reader submit to him with his cock

Hi hi hello! Ty for requesting!!

I think I've done smth like this with a diff member, so I hope this one doesn't turn out the same 🙏

Hope you enjoy!

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You're a mess.

M/n was pretty popular in college. NCT Uni was pretty well known, which is why more people knew m/n. But what most don't know is that m/n has a boyfriend. A really protective boyfriend.

Yuta Nakamoto was a Dance major, a good one at that. He does a lot of shows with his class, NCT 127, and they usually travel all over Korea for it. When m/n and Yuta started daring, Yuta didn't take m/n with him, because he didn't know how m/n would act backstage without him.

A few weeks after Yuta decided that m/n was trustworthy, he invited m/n to one of their venues. M/n agreed, happy that he was finally allowed to go with his boyfriend.

The morning of, m/n woke up alone. He assumed that Yuta had gone to the venue with his class, and got ready per usual. The time of the performance came around, so m/n finally headed to the building. Meeting Yuta outside, they exchanged a quick kiss before Yuta let m/n backstage.

"Behave, m/n." Were Yuta's last words before he headed onstage.

Every time Yuta risked a glance backstage, m/n wasn't looking. He was offtalking to se staff member, or looking at himself in his pocket mirror, or on his phone. Most of the time, m/n was talking to a staff member, flaunting his outfit or seemingly flirting with staff.

Fast forward (by SOMI) to after the performance, Yuta was furious. Beyond furious. He wouldn't talk to. M/n the whole way back to their shared apartment. He went straight to the shower and didnt come out until an hour later.

"Yuta, hun, are you okay? You havent been talking to me at all since your performance." M/n tapped his boyfriend, but got shrugged off.

Yuta continued to ignore m/n until 2 hours later. "Yuyu.... Please talk to me. Whatever I did im sorry..."

▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸

A few minutes later, M/n was underneath Yuta. He was gripping the bedsheets so hard his knuckles turned white. He was currently being spread open and eaten out. His legs were twitching, and he was moaning really loudly, lost in extacy. "You think you're so oretty, huh? I'll show you.. " Yuta flipped m/n over so he was on all fours before continuin, "...just how pretty you are. You dont need..." Yuta paused again and slapped m/n's ass. "..other people to tell you that... I can prove it to you myself."

Minutes later, Yuta was gripping m/n's waist, grunting ans he slammed in and out of the smaller. Yuta was groaning compliments to m/n, calling him a princess, and the prettiest girl im the whole world.

"Fuck baby... Your cunt is just sucking me in.. Ngh~" Yuta slapped m/n's ass harshly, earning a moan out of the smaller. They kept at this until m/n was begging for forgiveness, with three loads of cum in him.

∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘

Hey!! Sorry this was cut short, ppl keep looking over my shoulder on the bus 😭😭😭

Also!! Heads up guys! Most of my fics will be non idol au unless specified :)

Works belong to @asterifish | reblogs help me a lot!

2023 | © @asterifish

[satoverse]

▪︎Summary: Y/n sure likes to keep a lot of secrets to her friends but to the day has finally come and her secrets are exposed will they abandon her or will they stay.

WARNING: mafia!au, non-jujutsu sorcerers!au, modern day!au, angst, mentions of sexual conversations here and there, smut(at some point), TW!mentions of alcohol, fighting, blood, knives, guns, mentions of violence, brainwashed reader(at some point)

PART 1

Vengeance...Blood...Kill..

And with those three words all i could think of was the blood gushing out of their bodies, watching them die mercily...

__________________________

Having to hide such a huge secret is not the easiest thing a human being can achieve to do. Sure, it is easy to hide the fact that you kissed or had sex with your toxic ex to your friends, or hiding the fact that having a massive crush on them is easy again. You see these are all easy secret to hide it from them, but being the boss to one of the most dangerous mafias that has ever existed sure is easy..right?

"Stop sleeping and get up you lazy ass." she says as she flicks my forehead, slowly opening my eyes to look over to my side only to see Nobara looking down at me with her hands crossed. "First of ouch..secondly why should I? I barely got sleep last night." I turn my back at her covering myself from head to toe with the blanke trying to fall back asleep, only to feel the cold air hit my body "Oh shut up it is not my fault you stayed with that damned phone all night plus we promised Shoko and Utahime that we would help them painting their house."

I groan in annoyance as i kick my feet to the mattress "Cant you just go alone and tell 'em that i got sick or something? Noba...I really dont wanna go i feel really tired." and with that guilt washed all over me seeing her looking at me with those disappointed eyes. Turning around to leave my room she stops at the doorstep "You know... oh forget it its not even worth saying you'll always make up excuses again." and with that i watch her leave my room only after a couple of seconds to hear the front door forcefully getting shut. I sigh as i get up from my bed sitting down and looking at the floor 'if only i could tell..if only...'

Truth is I was up all night trying to find the location of Ryomen Sukuna. An infamous mafia leader that has been wanted for years, searching for him is not that easy since...well lets just say he has his own old ways. I get up once again walking towards the bathroom to brush my teeth and do my little sincare morning routine and apply some light make up. I walk back to my room going towards my closet to grab a plain white crop top, some old sweatpants and a jacket. I grab my hat and sunglasses looking at myself once again in the mirror in my living room and then i head out.

___________________________________________

...Ring....Ring...Ring...

'Meet me at _____ in 20 minutes'

I look down to my watch only to see more than 20 minutes have passed "Where the hell is he? Whats taking him so long?". As im about to pull out the flip phone to call him he appears, only to see him breathing heavily with sweat dripping down his forehead to his neck. "Jesus fucking Christ were the hell where you that you had to run." I watch him sit down on of the empty chairs in the room as he waves at me away with his hand, only for me to chuckle at his action. "You literally called a last minute meeting in the middle of fucking NOWHERE and on top of THAT ITS ON THE 50TH FUCKING FLOOR and MIND YOU the elevator does NOT work." I laugh at his sudden tantrum as at the same time I make myself comfortable on the chair that is on the opposite direction of him "Damn it sure is pleasing to see a quiet person throw a whole tantrum about some stairs." He shot at me a death glare as i simply chuckle it away... "Now let's begin shall we..."

After 'bout an hour or so we both grunt to the feeling of disappointment. "This is just so frustrating I FUCKING HATE HIM!" and within seconds the chair has ended up on the other side of the room. He just looks at me unamused as he slightly rolls his eyes "Calm down." thats the only sentence that comes out of his mouth 'damn he went quiet again..' i thought to myself. I go over where the chair is grabing it and bring it close to the table and sit on it. "You know this is just hell for me we will never going to find him or the last remaining antique."

I place my head on the table as i sigh deeply, only to feel big hands on my shoulders to slowly massage them.He looks down at my exposed neck, leaning down to it close to my ear only to whisper.. "Calm down." ...again. He softly pecks the back of my neck as I lean in on his touch of his softly lips, I sigh once again and lean back up to push him away slowly. "Let's just call it a day its already 2pm I need to get back." He crosses his arms as he looks down at me with a raised eyebrow "something happened?". I turn around to look at him with a slight pouty face "Nobara got mad at me again because i bailed on our plans...again and Shoko and Utahime are also probably mad at me too." He just stares at me for a couple of seconds and just shakes his head, "Go ill take care of everything."

My face lits up and i go over to him on tip toes to give him a big hug "You are the best, this is why you are my right hand man." and with that i quickly get out of the room and make my way towards Shoko's house.

...Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring...

'The number you have called is not available at th-'

'sigh...what have i done'

As im walking down the street i notice a bakery, thinking to myself 'since i made them mad i might as well make it up to them'.I go into the shop and look around only to leave the shop with a bunch of sweets in my hands, "Damn they sure will love this..specially Satoru." i chuckle to myself and make my way again towards the house. Walking in narrow alleys sure its a bit scary when you're alone but its even scarier when someone is following, and by someone meaning an enemy.

I cut out routes passing through old buildings, in order for him not to follow me to my friends house I quickly make my way towards and old looking house getting and setting the bags down. I hide behind a wall waiting for him to get lured by my trap and once they are in i quietly and quickly headlock him placing a hand over their mouth. He grabs me by the hands and rolls me over to the ground taking a knife out he tries to knife me in the heart but i quickly roll over, get up and forcefully kick the knife out of his hand with my leg. I grab it and place it over his neck, slowly walking forward for him only to walk backwards, "Who are you and who sent you?" getting amuzed by his scared face, pale face and cold sweat dripping down his forehead.."P-please s-spare m-" ..i give him a smile and with that i slice his neck.

I watch him fall down, gagging trying to get some air only for him to fail as he stops breathing after a couple of minutes. I crouch down at him and grab his shirt to clean the knife. "This is what happens when you dont answer the correct questions that you are being told..now shall we send your boss a quick message?". I cut his shirt off with the knife and i start carving on his body.

'I'll find you'

I clean the knife once again and place it in my pocket making sure to dispose it later. I grab the bags and making my way towards the house once and for good.

After twenty minutes or so i finally arrive at Shoko's house, anxiety slowly building up on my stomach prepared to be yelled at, well...mostly from Utahime. I knock on the door tree time making a quick pause then knocking again two times. The door opens only to be revealed by-

"Utaa...heyy nice to see you" she gave me a glare that sent shiver down my spine "WHERE THE HELL WHERE YOU Y/N I THOUGHT WE PLANED TO-" "i bought sweets" I tell her as i shove the boxes to her face making her to hold them. I get in the house closing the door behind me as I look around taking a big sniff to smell the freshly painted living room. I take my shoes off as i make myself comfortable around "This is a nice apartment i love it" "Thanks took a while to find a nice place like this" Shoko say and as per usual her cigarette never leaving her mouth. I sit down to the floor as the rest of them follow my lead sitting down making a circle.

Utahime places the opened boxes of sweets in the middle so anyone can take as much as they want. "Never thought you'd drop by, your always so "busy" for us and you never stay even if you do its for a short period of time" Nobara says to me while she its a cookie. I drop my head low smiling knowing that those words dont only hurt me but her and the rest of group. "Well-.." "Well what? You always cancel on us saying your vusy yet you never tell us with what, you're always so "mysterious and all that" you weren't like that" Geto says as he cut me off not letting me say a single word. My heart feels shattered I've been so focused of finding Sukuna that i forgot that i also gad a normal life to live and friends that actually do wanna be in my life.

I bring my head up high and give a soft smile "Im sorry I truly am I've been busy with work so much, that I've forgotten about reality, I've working double shifts and I've also work late night shifts so its-" "Don't even worry about that" Gojo says to me while wrapping a hand around my shoulder, looking down at me while giving me a soft smile "We just want you to be happy and healthy nothing else if you need us we will always be by your side" I smile at his kind words as i shove him away while giving him a slap on the shoulder "You corny bitch dont talk to me all lovely like that you just saying that because i got sweets" they all chuckle and giggle at the remark as they all agree with me.

It is nice being like this with everyone I feel like Im finally free like there is nothing stopping me for being with my loved ones...

___________________________________________

Looking down at the the body he laughs hysterical as he takes a picture. "I'll find you huh...adorable." He places his phone back into his pocket and calls out his man telling them to dispose the body. He gets in the backseats of the car telling the drive to drive off. Pulling his phone out he looks at the picture once again chuckling to himself.. "Boss will be entertained with this"

[thespianinthebackcorner]

yknow I complain at least once a month about not being able to find any non-toxic mephilver but maybe I should actually be yapping about that instead of complaining and doing nothing

somehow, it took me this long for my dumb ass to realise that maybe part of the reason there's none of it is because I'm either the only one or one of very few whose imagination is geared towards it right now. To that end... I should probably do some yappin' on how I see it working. (This is assuming it's reciprocated lol 😂 this ship has enough angsty writers already as im preeeetty sure I've pointed out). Anyway I'm not coherent enough to write a post so this is gonna be a little weirdly written but hey we ball.

ok, so in a story sense- at least for the games- there's two ways I see this happening. The first is a divergent 06 in which Mephiles and Silver get more time to interact and it's a tentative allies to friends to lovers situation. This kind of a route would likely have Silver figuring out what's up with Meph and the real situation behind all the fuckery everyone's pulling, and steers him off the murder path and onto a better ending that would theoretically lead to ally meph and/or a reunited Solaris. (Technically making the ship Solaris/Silver, but since Mephiles is the mind and heart, there's not much of a difference in that regard.) essentially, a canon divergence where Silver figures out Mephiles is lying, steers him onto a different path, and they friends-to-lovers their way into ship territory.

The other pathway is a little more complicated, but it's one I've been toying with. This is post-06, and deals with the idea that Silver goes back to the White Space somehow (either via the Time Stones, any leftover power from the Time Eater Eggman has, or some other way) and gets Meph out of there himself. This pathway requires Silver remembering 06, knowing Mephiles is in the White Space, and having the emotional maturity to look back on it and realise Mephiles' punishment is too harsh for his goals. Whether he knows that Iblis is (probably) sealed in Blaze is up to you, he might he might not. Regardless, this path changes Meph a bit- being sealed in the White Space for 5 years at a minimum (probably idk how the timeline works) fucks you up major, so you have a bit (a lot) of slow-burn-heal-arc shit to do before anything starts happening. From there, though, I see it as a warm slow roommates-to-lovers type beat where they're both just kinda trying to live their lives amid time being fucked up and evil and a disaster every five minutes.

Obviously you can also work with it in other AUs or just disregard story entirely and create small sweet pockets of story where they're together and fuck the logistics, which is essentially what I do 90% of the time. It works pretty well with modern AUs in my experience, and serves as a cute sister ship to Sonadow!

Dynamic-wise, which is probably what I should've led with but here we are, I like to think of a fluffy version of the ship as being very soft and comfortable with each other. They're on their guard pretty much 100% of the time, so the moments they get alone with each other are that time to drop it and relax. Between Silver having to save the future all the time and Mephiles trying to find Iblis and reunite, they're both stressed a lot, so they lean on each other. I like to think they go on adventures together...

I wrote once in a document for an au that Silver has a lot of love to give and Mephiles needs to be given a lot, which is the best way I can describe the dynamic simply. To extend on that and explain it a little more, Silver gives a lot of love obviously. He takes less than he gives, but he'll take his boyfriend's love with just as much care as he gives his own. Mephiles, on the other hand, is more subtle. He takes all the love Silver gives, but he shows reciprocation in all the small ways that are hard to notice if you're not Silver himself. He gives less than he takes by nature, but when he does give it's always exactly what Silver needs and he knows it. They're a very synergetic pair, if that makes any sense. The type to cuddle up and take naps together.

There's a lot of room for headcanon, too- I mess with the idea a lot that Mephiles radiates heat (he's still a part of the sun god) and that leads to some fun conclusions. Alternatively, there's also room for some angst (because Chaos forbid I follow my own rules on a post). Anyone else seen that dynamic of a god falling in love with a mortal and struggling with the implications and the fact that they're not supposed to fall for mortals but here they are? Yeah. That's fuckin DELICIOUS when it's applied to a split god like Mephiles who's technically supposed to be spending his time looking for Iblis and reuniting instead of falling for someone he doesn't think he deserves. Especially if you apply the idea that he's mentally assumed his life is on hold until he finds Iblis (that is not how it works) and now he's in love by accident.

Anyway yeah that's uh. That's my rambling. 👍 If anyone has other ideas for fluffy mephilver do tell

[theslyvoid9]

YOU DIDNT REBLOG IT BUT FUCK YOU !!!!!!!!!

3, 4, 18, 29, 31

FOR KEIHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AUGH WHAT THE HELL THATS ILLEGAL!!! BUT FINE I WILL TALK ABOUT KEIHO FUCK YOU!!!! heres the question list for anyone curious

for those wondering Keiho is my FFXIV Au Ra character who i love dearly :3

(hes usually more happy i just like this doodle jskdnf)

putting the actual response under read more because man it got long ^_^

also in the game i just finished stormblood so this guys story is still ongoing for me dkjfng (theres 3 more expansion packs, as of right now, for me to do)

okay hi to anyone reading this o/

3. weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon?Keihos current weapon of choice is a lance! Being a lancer/dragoon class so big pointy stick sdjkdnsf.

The lore reason for Keiho going that route when becoming an adventurer i feel is mainly.. he was most used to holding lance like weapons and tools and felt it was the most comfortable way for him to get his journey started.

While the main stuff for his backstory before the beginning of the game is still kinda cooking for me, i do think he came from a smaller village kinda away from everything so they didn't have a lot of fancy resources to go around for a ton of swords or anything so the main weapons for hunting were lances. But he most likely did some spear fishing and stuff with it as well and is used to farm tools like pitchforks and hoes and stuff so again more used to lance like tools than anything else! But maybe he'll change that in the future and try different weapons now that he's got the adventure ball going!

(the none lore reason is i just liked the lance class the most and i havent bothered to try out any other class right now)

4. how crafty/resourceful are they?

i'd say they get by well enough! He's not some mastermind who's going to outsmart and trap supervillains left and right....and he definitely has his dumb moments. But he has his cleaver moments as well, def can sneak by, deceive and ambush pretty well against other regular, non super genius, folk. And can contribute in plannings if needed for battles and such.

But i do feel his resourcefulness comes out best in survival situations, he knows how to navigate the wilderness pretty well, knows how to hunt and make the most of food to make it last as long as possible and overall just knows how to get out and not die when dropped in the middle of the woods. Or build a sort of camp/housing if for whatever reason he wants to stay out there longer.

So not really some trap guy and not going to pull some crazy stunts during fights but can survive solo out in the wilderness pretty okay.

With this he is pretty lost in big cities on the other hand sjhbdnfds (me making a lore reason to explain why im always lost in limsa lominsa B) )

18. their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

HMMMM now this is a rather nuanced answer considering... he is the warrior of light...Hero of Eorzea etc etc... so he has his actual beliefs, the thing he preaches as a warrior people look up to and the things he believes as a warrior whos seen some of the worst the world has to offer.

Overall he fights for a world where people dont have a need to lie, steal or kill and if pressured for a black and white answer he'd say those things are bad. BUT he gets why certain people dont have any other option besides lying or stealing or even killing and doing any of those things for a valid reason isn't going to lower Keihos opinion of someone even by a bit. No "there must've been another way" or "you should've toughed it out" nope he gets that sometimes... you just gotta do what you gotta do. If anything it just makes Keiho more motivated to be a good hero seeing what someone was pushed to do just to get by. So overall he looks at each case rather individually... after all he as a hero has done all of those things for the greater good so it be rather hypocritical of him sdjkfndjsk

He also gets that while some people have a valid reason...it isn't always a good reason to do sth like killing so again... just focuses on getting as much info and then makes a choice.

If anyone tries to ask what his opinion on white lies are he just completely avoids the topic saying sth like "arent there more pressing matters" he just really doesn't have the time to form opinions on whether white lies make someone inherently evil or good skjndf

29. are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)?

Hmm personally i haven't really put a lot of thought into what element Keiho could be sdjknf BUT in game he does have the title of "Warrior of light" so i guess i tend to associate him with light, and Keiho being a Raen Au Ra (that just meaning he has light scales instead of dark scales like the Xaela Au Ra) who believe they are descendants of Dawn Father just makes the light connection more strong huh xD

And i guess i do tend to link him with crystals due to his scales reminding me of that and him having several interactions and a blessing from the Mothercrystal goddess

so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ personally haven't thought about it but theres some building blocks there from the game

31. do they like receiving gifts? giving gifts? what is their ideal gift?

Oh you chose this one specifically after that loredump i did on you huh

Okay lets take these one by one, receiving gift

Maybe back before their adventure days he would've like the occasional gift, never really liked anything to extravagant because ough you didn't need to, but small stuff like food or something handmade or some random material he needed, perfect. But after he became a hero and with every title he just.... stopped enjoying it, at some points just despises gifts all together, but not in the " i receive them so much" or the "i'm too good for these gifts" but more in the "hey i dont need nor deserve this :(( keep it to yourself you need it more :( " way. Along the way tho he also develops a weird "if i say no to a gift i'm being incredibly rude" mentality so that's when he gets super weird with gifts and wants to say "no, they dont need to go through all the effort for a gift for lil ol' me" but also the voice in the back being like if you refuse you're being rude!! so he just... puts on his hero persona and accepts it with grace.. so no one even really knows what kind of turmoil a simple loaf of bread just caused him dhsgfjukd and its quite literally nearly impossible to pry an answer out of him if you ever asked what he'd like for a gift, because the idea of requesting anything?!?!?! is just too much and he avoids the topic like the plague. quite literally need to corner him for a WHILE to get any sort of vague answer

my boy is stable :)

Giving gifts

He most likely won't have any sort of weird relationship with giving gifts but i honestly dont think he gifts a lot, he's more of a i'll walk to the ends of the earth for you kinda guy to his loved ones. But the most something like a gift i feel is he'll make food occasionally without being asked or he might pick up something from stores or similar places if someone mentioned it. If he was still just a civilian he'd make some crafts here and there as well (woodwork, jewellery etc etc). But with being a hero he most likely doesn't have a lot of time or energy for those sorts of things, and most likely mentally he isn't really in a stable place rn to be doing anything like that either way, but in the future when his mentality regarding being a hero improves he'll def be making some handcrafted stuff for his friends!

Ideal gift

This is a tough one considering all the above about him not even really wanting gifts sjkdlnmfk but

Before the adventure days, it probably would've been something really simple, like some tasty food or some rare material for personal projects or even just something handcrafted! something to show the other cared enough to really think what he'd like kinda thing

And that mentality does stay a bit for post adventurer keiho! He'd avoid the topic but honestly... getting anything non adventure related, just for keiho to have after all the adventure gear has been put away for the day like again some good food or a nice shirt or just...anything again to show that they care about keiho the guy and not keiho the adventurer who probably needs new chainmail under his armour. He gets something from the heart and he is going to cry guranteed

Anddd with that i have finally finished responding to this jksbdnfjhks

if anyone made it this far congrats! you get a bonus keiho

[denv2]

OC! rency doodle (IM au ver)

I've been busy lately, so I haven't been drawing much...

Anyway, this is another OC doodle.

I've been imagining about rency a lot lately, so I just wanted to draw them again, lol.

Below is a rant about setting up the IM version of rency! It's a bit long, so I've hidden it.

The relationship between the characters is very different between the cartoon version and this version... Somethings will be similar, but the relationship between Rency and Alex will be different.

The settings for Rency's 'zany' have also changed some from the beginning... Originally, I set him to just be zany, but this time it changed, so it's an incomplete zany. However, it's not that he stopped being a jany himself like Felix, but that his lifestyle was broken after experiencing some kind of incident and his jany was broken...

I realized that there was a configuration error with the invisibility related his zany abilities.

It was set up so that intact Janies could not see or touch this transparency gray-white checkered cloth at all.

So Rency, as a jany, should be able to see this completely transparent and not be able to manipulate it. But he can touch it and manipulate it, and... How can you manipulate something you can't see? This is where I got a setup error.

He knows that it's really transparent to jany's eyes, but also knows that it's just a gray-white checkered fabric to the eyes of non-jany, so he needs to be somewhere in between to know both of those things at the same time.

Here's where I was like, "Huh?" and then I changed him to "less zany" and that his relationship with Felix became more interesting.

Felix is the one who put the zany down on his own, and Rency is the one whose lifestyle was ruined by an accident and became incomplete when he didn't want it to be... (I don't know if that's even possible, but let's just say it is. There are characters who stopped being zany on their own, so I thought there would be characters who wanted to continue being zany but were forced away from zany.)

But Felix, as it's explained in the story, can go back to being a full-fledged zany as soon as he acts like one again... Anyway, there's still a part of him inside.

Rency was forcibly broken, but he still wants to live as Zany, so he lives as an incomplete Zany.

So he misses Felix, who left town to avoid living as a jany on his own, but he doesn't understand why he gave up the blessing of being a jany and left, and he envies Felix because he can be a complete jany again if he comes back on his own... But he still likes Felix as a friend, so he supports him in his endeavors...

You know, it's kind of a complicated internal relationship. I liked it! So I changed the setting...

Rency and Felix are best friends, and they haven't seen each other since Felix left town, but they meet after the main story of Inky, so it's been about 10 years since they met. I'm thinking that it's been about 10 years since Felix left the home town, so... because he left town in his early 20s, and he's 32 now, right?

And the reason he's looking for Felix is, It's related to the doodle of Alex and Rency on the bottom right... that he noticed something about Alex and came to warn him... (I'm still pushing for some sort of relationship between Alex and the cult. I don't know if it'll make it into the main story, but it's one of my big theories...)

IM Rency and Alex... I don't think they'll ever be real friends. First of all, to Rency, Alex is the cause of Felix's departure... Still, Rency isn't a character who dislikes people by nature, so he seems to be okay from an outside perspective^^... Rency has a good social life.

Honestly, I'm embarrassed to explain it to others, and it's just a setting that I imagine in my head as I please... Anyway, I'm imagining and playing with this and that about the inky version of Rency...

That's a lot of talk, haha😚 I like OC ^-^

[imperfectnothing]

hii rock ! ! i know i have um . 3 . asks still clogging your other inbox, ( please forgive me . I don’t know how and when to shut my mouth—but one day i shall finally learn ! ! ) i have a small question, ( might not be small since there might be a big response ? ) what do you think fao and han would think of nyx’s friends ? this is because i think it’s kind of . silly that fao likes the moon and stars and auri is based of the moon and some of nyx’s and nyx himself are based off stars . . auri would also probably ask nyx sometimes about his parents, as her mother, kurai, did kill herself shortly after auri’s birth .

ok im done . . really this time . i shall give you a break from my non stop yapping and record my thoughts in my drafts instead— anyways, love you rock hope your having a good day < 3 !

HELLO APRI <3 <3 im sorry that i have been so dogshit at answering asks Imma try and follow up on those. this afternoon (looks at my own two hands in horror).

Haneul would be happy that Nyx has as many friends as he does. To be honest, Nyx was probably nonverbal until he was a toddler and even after he started talking, he wasn't very social with other kids . . . it is a miracle that Dian became his friend lmao. Haneul was very protective over Nyx because as much as he hated being pregnant and giving birth, he loved Nyx (and Mori. They're his favorites, mostly because they remind him of Fao 😅). But like, Nyx looks so much like Fao, even though he got Han's nose and two-toned hair, and they were pretty close.

Han's favorites out of Nyx's friends would be Aurien, Tallis, and Solei, simply because they're the most his speed and they are the nicest to Nyx (not that any of Nyx's friends are mean to him but Nyx and Tov bicker, and Cas makes fun of Nyx . . .) (Han is already fond of Castor and Kyo, though he doesn't think of them as "Nyx's friends.")

Fao was the parent that Nyx felt the most time with, especially when Han was too busy with other obligations to look after him, Fao would come in and babysit.

Sillily or sillyly (whatever. i am going to end up on the news) enough, Fao's favorites of Nyx's friends are definitely Tov, Lang, and Aurien. Fao doesn't really like people who are loud or talkative (which is why he likes Lang & Tov) but Aurien is sweet enough that he doesn't mind her at all. (To be honest I am thinking that maybe . . . in the modern au, Fao is the dad of Nyx & Auri? that married Cas' mom after she got divorced? because it would make sense w/his dark hair and light eyes . . . anyways.) Basically, I think if given the chance, Fao would be a kind of surrogate dad to Auri, playing with her and nodding along at her yapping.

A little note: Dian wasn't well-liked by either of Nyx's parents not because either disliked him or thought he was a bad kid but because they could tell that he had a huge baby crush on Nyx and they're both overprotective parents. Dian is Nyx's favorite so no need to worry about it lmao (Nyx doesn't actually have favorites, this is a lie, but it's a white lie so it's fine)

[impprtante]

Eira's 7 Children (their problems and their origins)

Imma go out and confess: i messed with the features of the first batch of kids.

I was very early in sims 4 gameplay, i still wanted all my sims to be really pretty paragons (yes Snow White was the pinnacle of cute as a middle schooler, shuddup) so when they came out ugly or fat (yes fatphobic tiny me, i promise im better and working unlearning anything else i got in there) and now whenever i get a sim i just find them all so precious and different im not really bothered by eccentricities.

Also, now that i look at them i'm a little creeped out by them, Just a little.

But yes, i did mess with the features of the first batch of children.

The least offensive ones is that i just wanted all their hair colors to be different so i could differentiate them. This proved not to be a problem for me now, but yeah none of these were like the original hair color.

The other thing is that, yikes, i had kids with townies. That doesn't sound like a big deal, but in case i ever want to divorce the family from the sims, have them live without it as a crutch so hard (like when people make minecraft OCs and later when they write the world for the character is has minecraft mechanics and monsters lmao) so im actually kinda like, if i write a story i don't want their names attached. The biggest offenders of this:

J Huntington III and Travis Scott

Mr. J was the father for the first child, Phoenix. I don't know how it happened anymore. How did that tied sweater work on me to think he was a good candidate ;; __ ;;. As for Mr. Travis, EIRA LITERALLY MARRIED HIM. NO JOKE. I was like "she settles in the end," and ITS HIM. THIS DUDE. It's literally like when there's the super pretty girlfriend (i thought she was super pretty) and she gets with the nerdy dude who people think isn't that attractive. Again, in real life there's other factors but in sims, i was new and hadn't formed any connections with the townies, i didn't know them at all. and i choose this dude to settle her with. Whuff.

Anyways, here's the profile of the 2nd gen as young adults:

VAMPIRE WHITE SKIN FOR LIKE, OVER HALF OF THEM. AND THE HEIR AT THAT ;; __ ;; AND LIKE ONE OF THOSE DON'T EVEN COUNT, HE WASN'T FROM THE GENE POOL. They scare me. Also, you can tell i was trying to lean into CC for Nephele but i gave that up, here lemme get you a non CC ver. Also, lol the clear women preference

Going in order (first pic bundle), we have

Phoenix. He's the eldest, child of Mr. J, and Snow 1.0, and as the first child I love him way dearly. I think he's like, my favorite, straight up. I've also played as him a lot just because he's in the starving artist catagory, and he's gotten the most character changes. I'm still uncertain whether to like, cut things or to merge things for him. His design doesn't change, I think he's cute and im too attached to him to consider it. His bad trait was being gloomy (depressed). To be talked about later.

Lamia, she was 2nd eldest. Her trait was jealous, and she was supposed to be a bitch (im currently playing as her and that kinda fell to the wayside whoops, i'll try harder). Her thing was being a pianist, entertaining at first, party person / aspiring musician. But her aspiration was joke star (._.). Her dad was a randomly generated person randomly named Adrian Buff. No, i didn't save him ;; __ ;;.

Basilisk, eh his age is kinda debatable. He's actually adopted. He was one of the babies you could adopt like, immediately starting a save file. Idk if it's different now, but when i started playing i had made (face palm) made AUs for them like i was gonna start over even tho i was on gen 02, not even that far. But for a while i kept adopting him just because i'd known he was there available in other different saves. ANYWAYS, he's a slob. I made him the stereotype of jock (ew) and he wanted to be an athlete professionally (aspiration body builder).

Next we got the twins, Griffin and Sphinx. TWINS. Challenge 7 kids going quick. Griffin was supposed to dress in black, Sphinx in white. They're supposed to be the genius troublemaker trope, and i had no idea what to do with them. Their dad (exposing myself) was a sim named Jumin Han (jwgelgdlwefnsd) no i don't have the sim saved. Their hair is genetically modified to be red, and their eye color the slightly diff blue shade. ITS ALL FAKE!!!! they were basically the same person, but one was clumsy (griff) and the other lazy (sphinx). They were so alike, i had them marry a set of identical twins at first.

Cindy, Ella, Eleanor, Nephele, was our heir. Also randomly generated sim, I think i have him saved somewhere actually. I remember Kian Cavanaugh's (randomly generated) name because i had her visit him and eventually he died on my lot (old age). Anyways, she didn't have any flaws because, heir (sigh) but she was supposed to be like, chronic foodie. So i honestly should've put glutton ._. (bruj). We'll get to her characterization later. But I didn't want her father to have been the one Snow 1.0 settled with, since i thought that was dumb (little me living for the drama of having different parents, not realizing she had no way to convey the kind of trauma and complex relationships that creates, thx).. I distincly remember her hair being a black (not me white washing her hair huiwlljlg ;;;;; __ ;;;;;)

Youngest and brattiest, Arachne. She got a shit name because she was supposed to be the most hated, the one doted on (because Snow 1.0 settled with her dad (ew travis) that spoils her) and the stand in for evil step sister. She has anger management issues. She was supposed to be bratty, then terrible edgy teen (last picture), and then mellows out, taking her outlet of writing to gain success.

There's the run down, we see what changes i've done (so far) to le Eira clan. I took the liberty of playing as them as teens (children aging up messes up the faces) so they got some relationships due to growing together :3

[ami2kewl]

specifically! for @mugiimatsu who so kindly asked and any others who might be curious on my,,

mishima yuuki persona au

first things first, his persona is dolos, greek god of deception n trickery. since a persona is all about the how you present yourself when in the face of danger, i based this off of his rank 8 confidant event where he bluffed to that guy attacking akiyama. so since mishima isnt very strong physically, he relies on trickery. which is ALSO where I got the idea for the outfit. because you know where trickery and deception is most common? magician acts. which is why he has the whole trenchcoat corset (and non visible laced boots) combo going on. I almost added a top hat but it just wasnt working out. a loss..

anyway because of his arcana I gave him a color palette similar to the moon and its surroundings, dark blue (sky), yellow (moon), and white (stars).

and the mask. THE MASK. its not fully visible so heeere is the original sketch

anyway a whole bunch of thought went into this thing. not the fishnet part though I just thought that looked cool. as you can see though, there are 2 sides. one dark, one light. these sides individually represent the lies and truths. and in that same vein, the dark side and light side of the moon. it resembles jokers mask a bit for the eye part, just to show how his outlook on the world (and himself!) was changed thanks to him. at some point I started thinking the entire get up looked too similar to jokers but at least he doesn't have those atrocious leprechaun shoes. besides if he sees the phantom thieves as absolute justice then its make sense that his view of a rebel would align with jokers.

visible in other posts, for his neutral special he wields a ginormous hammer /ref. in my notes its said this is because:

"like birds when they puff out their feathers to be big and menacing. hes compensating with a humungous hammer."

and isnt that just so him.

anyway for the stat explanations ill be ripping it straight from said note.

" stamina is 40, magic 75, endurance 55, agility 71, luck 5. stamina should be higher from volleyball but idk... I cant really judge how good he actually was at volleyball since he was in a bit of a pickle at the time. dammit. we shoulda gotten a scene where a volleyball game takes place near the end of the game where the team gets to be happy without kamoshida. I woulda cried so hard.. anyway magic stat 75 since hes mastered 2 whole elements! endurance 55 I made it decent from past experiences... 🙁 agility 71 cause volleyball hello?? shit takes SPEED! luck at a depressing 5. because I checked tv tropes and he is apparently born unlucky. "

and finally, we are at weaknesses/strengths.

I actually struggled quite a bit at this part. originally was just goanna make his weakness ice cause im akeshima shipping trash but then I remembered loki isnt even an ice persona in p5... so I went back to metaphorical stuff. tried to see if dolos had a spouse, or an enemy. and he does, kinda. veritas, the goddess of truth. not specifically an enemy, but a direct opposite! however i associated the truth with light, and he already was null to light and dark, and changing that would kinda take away from the whole shabang. so I settled on a weakness to electricity based on zeus being an important figure in dolos's backstory. not completely random, but definitely not my most impactful choice.

and that my friends, is my

mishima yuuki persona au

explained! thank u for reading!!!

if i made a semilong text post detailing his persona/stats/weaknesses etc etc would anyone read it

[maddsmallow]

rambling

like dont get me wrong, i love dbh. shit ass game but i love the characters LMAO but. i've been wanting to straddle both dbh and arcane as like "main fandoms" but it's been really hard to have the same excitement about dbh, and i've been thinking about why that is a lot tonight

the conclusion i have come to is that, i finally have something new to attach myself to (arcane/jayvik lmao) which means all the shit that's been bothering me so much about dbh (aka the portrayal of connor like 75% of the time) for the last few months is finally enough for my brain to be like, okay we can just leave that there instead of trying to dig thru this pile to find something we actually like and agree with lmao

if you've been around me for a while you've definitely heard my rants about the portrayal of connor, and/or about how characters like him (white boy, smaller than the character they're usually paired with) seem to be the only ones to consistently be hit with the trans hc beam and no other kind of character (bc fat/non-stick thin people or poc cant ever be trans right?), and then ALSO made to be much more passive and gentle than the character actually is on top of that to fit some kind of 'smol trans boy bean' trope — about how i think that is problematic for shoving the trans guy experience onto only ONE kind of look/experience, among other things i am too tired to try to make coherent sentences to explain. something something shoving characters into tropes/boxes they dont actually fit into with their canon personalities and basically turning them into an oc, while also squishing the trans guy experience into only one kind of acceptable soft portrayal and how it annoys me to no end. and that's not even mentioning the portrayal of connor as a little uwu baby boy in general, sometimes on top of all that, which to me is just SO out of character. basically, it's sucked the fun outta dbh for me.

which, it IS ironic that i then jumped into arcane/jayvik bc the fandom does the same exact fuckin shit to viktor. but since the fandom is still ~new and fresh~ bc of season 2 dropping, it's super easy to find fanworks made by like-minded people as me, and i've been lucky enough to find a little group of arcane fans on bsky that feel the same way as i do about all that shit too, so of course the constant feed of arcane/jayvik shit that avoids all the stuff i dont like is addictive lmao. since dbh is "so old," the fandom is much smaller and harder to find like-minded people as myself, and fanworks that are currently coming out/being made just do not vibe with me most of the time bc of the whole soft connor portrayal, which, y'know. there's nothing wrong with it. i just hate it cuz i personally consider it completely out of character lmao, so ofc i dont like it.

my point being: i am getting the serotonin hits hardcore from the little group of like-minded people on bsky with jayvik that i havent really been getting from the dbh fandom with hankcon for a while. and it IS sad. dbh was my first fandom after not really being into anything/not being in a fandom for like a good handful of years, and i've made genuine friends thru it. the game is shit and david cage is so far stuck up his own ass it's not even funny, but these characters mean a lot to me and it SUCKS that it doesnt have the kick for me that it used to.

does this mean im leaving the fandom? no, i dont think you ever really leave a fandom you once really loved lmao. i still have a ton of art ideas i want to do, and you bet your fuckin ass im still excited as shit to draw more of me and sev's 1980s hankcon au. but i think for the most part, im not going to interact with much fanmade stuff for a while since it very clearly bothers me a good portion of the time, which. is like, the opposite of what fanart and fanfic are supposed to do lmao. when (if?) the arcane/jayvik hype dies down for me, i do genuinely see myself re-watching gameplay of dbh just to go back to the source material and re-discover what drew me in in the first place, and the hope is that i'll be able to come back with a renewed excitement for it

that's about it. just a ramble on my thoughts about my current place in the fandom and how i feel more like a ghost about it

having lots of thoughts about my place in the dbh fandom lately

[harleyification]

that swamp tribe korra au idea sounds g e n i u s

JSAIDOJSAJIODAS THANK YOU ANON!! YOU JUST MADE MY NIGHT!! here, have some more of my thoughts since I've been thinking of this AU non-stop and have been researching a LOT:

Korra's animal guide is still Naga, but I'm changing her species to fit Korra and the Swamp Tribe more! Here's a sketch I made a few days ago of Naga, the Wolverine-Deer!!

+ Some other sketches of animal guide ideas!

Naga's deer side is more inspired by the Sika Deer, since their adults tend to keep their spots! I chose the wolverine rather than the badger because wolverines are typically loner animals that can take down both predators and prey DOUBLE the size of them, which I think fits Korra's character more!

I've also been doodling around with Korra's design a little bit, since I don't think it would be a 1-to-1 copy of her canon design. Still, I haven't been able to settle down on anything just yet - especially since I've been trying to give the Foggy Swamp Tribe more of a culture rather than just being the Water Tribe's hillbilly cousins. I'm trying to combine both Native American tribes that lived in Florida and other wetlands with the obvious Vietnamese inspiration their tribe has! It's...taking me a bit, though, since I am researching multiple things at once while also being A Responsible Adult, skldjaldaja

So far, I'm settling down on these facts for my fic (cause I WILL BE WRITING THIS - SOMEDAY!!):

Senna is from the Foggy Swamp Tribe. Tonraq is still from the NWT. After his banishment, his ship veered off course and ran into the Swamp Tribe's delta, where he met Senna and decided to stay! He's not the chief, however, as I'm thinking that the most enlightened elders of the tribe are the elected leaders (maybe one has to meditate at the Banyan-Grove tree first before leading the FST?), and it is someone else at this current moment in time.

Sokka isn't dead! I headcanon that he died due to injuries in the Red Lotus attack, and..well...I don't think that goes exactly as planned in this AU, sjadkajdlade. Due to this, and thanks to him figuring out first that the water avatar was most likely Swamp Tribe, he has a bit of influence in Korra's life!

(Zukka will be in this btw, since I Love Them, but they won't take priority.)

Korra wasn't taken by the White Lotus when they discovered who she is. The Foggy Swamp Tribe is very protective of their own and who they see as family, loyal down to the bone, and when the White Lotus says that Korra has to go to their Southern Water Tribe facilities to be taught bending, they REFUSED it. I like to think that the family unit and community is INSANELY important to the Foggy Swamp Tribe, and just because Korra is the avatar doesn't mean that she needs to be taken away from her home.

So, basically, Korra grew up with her community and has childhood friends rather than being isolated like in canon! This changes a bit in how she approaches Mako, Bolin, and Asami when she meets up with them eventually. (AKA, fuck the romance triangle, I ain't doing that)

The entire plot of Korra has changed - due to Sokka being alive, Korra's stance on non-benders is different. Due to growing up in the Foggy Swamp Tribe, who teaches the ideals of everything and everyone is connected and that connection is important, Korra also goes about defeating Vaatu differently. Due to Tonraq never making it to the SWT, almost everyone thinks he's dead (mail can't exactly get through tall trees or extremely vicious animals), so Korra never even met Unalaq either...

That's all that I have thought of for now! Thank you for the ask, Im so SO HAPPY that you like my silly lil FST Korra AU!!!!

[spinaroos-47]

How do you design the outfits for people (like your GG ocs and young Darius/Eberwold and stuff) They're all so pretty!!

Thank you! I was actually thinking of one day making a post about how i make up witchy outfits! This ask isnt going to be that but Im glad to answer my process!

In short, its a lot of observation, references and extrapolating from there

And here's the long version:

For younger Darius and Eber i mostly did small changes to these outfits i did when they were even younger, around 17, with some changes + adding some flare of their current outfits as well

And in turn, for Darius' outfit i took inspiration from the photo in reaching out where he's booing Alador + the boots he used in TTBK.

Eber was mostly improvised, kept the main aspects of his current outfit (and the hollow mind one too), the raggedy bits, shorts/skirts, no sleeves, little boots, wrist things, and implemented them in different ways

And also on these i started adding details they have now, like the wrist bands on Eber and a cape + white gloves for Darius

(plus i had been sketching some ideas for casual outfits for current Darius and those have been inspired by the outfits I have for a non toh oc of mine because they kinda fit Darius' vibe and he also has a bit of diamond shape motif like Darius. That's where the sash thing comes from)

(titty window was a suggestion from a friend)

Another important thing i keep doing on a lot of characters is that a common shape for the neck of the shirts is V that Hunter, Lilith and many other characters have. Its all over the place when you stop to look for it. And other really common thing is that theres a lot of long shirts that have a belt or waitsband, extremely common

I did answer a bit of how I designed Cain and Salem's outfits here but in short, it was a lot of referencing both Hunter's outfits, concept art for coven scouts/Hunter (i actually found more concept art for coven scouts but haven't took the time to really absorb them) and also the hollow mind portraits.

Something I haven't shown a lot here yet is that Ive designed casual outfits for all my main four GGs (sorry Alexander and William, you're too hard for me to design stuff for now :'3) which was really helpful on figuring out on what feels like Boiling Isles' fashion. Might do a post about my process on that + the uniforms of my other GGs and their physical appearances

(fun fact, Cain has a lot of stuff that I drew on older versions of Hunter, including the scar across the eye)

So yeah, lots of observation, references and a healthy dose of extrapolation and improvising. And taking vibes from other places helps too. I think even some stuff from my old Hunter aus have seeped into some of these designs too, like the Hunter Whispers outfit, looks pretty similar to the 17 year old Darius outfit i did so it was probably an unconscious reference (which also, remembering again, i did also base on the shape of his hollow mind shirt. See, i keep remembering things that are or could have been inspirations for these things fjsndnd)

But its also a thing you have to get some practice going on before it feels right and turns into something easy to do

I myself have struggled a lot with Darius' outfit on his early 20s, this is actually the fourth attempt or so. Here's the previous attempt, from before i decided to make him younger than Cain + his outfit at 17 because i also found it while looking for the other photo and i don't think i posted that drawing before

His hair was a challenge to decide. But im happy with the final result!

Here you go, a bit of the process i go through!

[jcwriting]

Written in the Stars

summary ↬ being soulmates with a werewolf? pretty easy. being jungkook’s soulmate? the easiest thing in the world. there’s only one teensy tiny problem. he doesn’t want to fuck you.

pairing ↬ werewolf!jungkook x reader

genre ↬ soulmate!au, abo verse, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort (this is so fucking dramatic and for what)

word count ↬ 10.4k my hand slipped

warnings ↬ swearing, angst (but with a happy ending bc im a sappy bitch), jk is stupid in love (emphasis on stupid), mentions of violence (very brief and i don’t go into too much detail but just to warn yall), slight nsfw (sex is a big topic for like half of this but not sex is had...i know im shocked too), half of this is background info/setting up the story the other half is finally addressing the summary lolol, jk is kind of an asshole but he has reasons!!!!!

authors note ↬ hello lovelies! here’s a small little thing for you all (laughs in 10k word count). this has been sitting in my drafts for fucking ever and i just needed to get it out there and out of my hands. im thinking about writing a part two where the actual ~*/sex/*~ is had but im still on the fence about that. please let me know what you think! i literally crave your interactions so pls dont be shy,,,,,okay love you bye :)

(ps i was so close to naming this Rewrite the Stars but since this has absolutely nothing to do with The Greatest Showman i didn’t. but i was close,,,,so fucking close)

You always knew Jeon Jungkook was destined for great things.

It was written in the stars, your mother had told you after he had first stepped foot into your family-owned grocery store. Your mother didn’t have any special powers, she just had a thing for astrology. While you normally shrugged off her random proclamations about divine intervention and planetary alignments, you found that Jungkook was something you couldn’t ignore or chalk up as your mother’s latest tea leaf reading.

From the moment you set eyes on him you knew he was different. While your family held zero claim to any sort of mystical or magical inclinations, you were well aware of those who did. It was no secret that non-humans roamed the Earth in plain sight, even though it had taken humans eons to realize this. After years of savage wars and civil unrest, agreements had come into place and governing bodies were adjusted to accept the changes that had finally been made. But, this was all before your time. You were the generation that was born into the period of peace, the first children to not experience bloodshed before they could walk. The world you knew now was almost a complete one-eighty of what it had been.

Where before those who were not of human blood had to do everything they could to blend in, now could be free of the shadows. Your classrooms had both humans and non-humans in their rosters. Some of your teachers were hybrids. Curriculum expanded to teach humans about a world that had once been entirely unknown to them. One of your favorite teachers was a witch who regaled your tenth grade class with stories of goblin wars, wizard duels, and vampire covens. All tales that you had once thought were nothing but fiction were now anything but.

Which is why, the second Jeon Jungkook entered the grocery store that your parents owned and that you had worked at since you were old enough to speak in full sentences, you knew who he was. You didn’t even question it.

He was a werewolf. A powerful one. You could see it in the way he carried himself. The purposeful strides he took down the narrow aisles, the confidence in his broad shoulders. Humans weren’t nearly as sensitive as their hybrid counterparts but you also paid attention in your classes. Or, perhaps you were more aware than other humans. Never in your life did you have the issues other faced when meeting a non-human for the first time. You always knew who they were without them having to tell you. You just knew.

So, when Jeon Jungkook stepped up to your register with a bottle of water and some raw beef, you didn’t flinch. Didn’t bend under his dark gaze or shuffle your feet in an awkward attempt to break the silence. Instead, you flashed him your customer service smile and rang up his items. He didn’t say a word as he paid, barely sparing you a second glance as he strode out of the store.

“He’s going to be a great and powerful man,” your mother said in that feathery light voice of hers. “It was written in the stars.”

You couldn’t help but agree.

Jeon Jungkook came into your store everyday for the next month. He bought the same thing every time. A bottle of water and a package of raw beef. The only time he spared you any words was to say thank you or the occasional hello if the sun was shining. Usually, he was alone. Sometimes, he came with a few members of his pack. You liked those days. He smiled a little brighter and talked a little louder when they were around. Especially around Taehyung.

Then, after a month, he didn’t come in. Not for an entire week. From Monday to Sunday, you hadn’t seen a hide nor hair of him. A part of you was worried, so worried that you almost stopped Taehyung in the middle of the street to ask of Jungkook’s whereabouts before realizing how insane that made you look, the other part was chastising yourself for caring. Jeon Jungkook was a customer. Nothing more, nothing less.

The following Monday had come and you had finally stopped glancing at the sliding doors every five minutes. You no longer expected his commanding presence to rock your little world. Instead, you continued your day as if it had been any other. That was, until, Jeon Jungkook stepped through the entrance looking as if he was walking on air. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.

“Did you have a good heat?” You asked when he stepped up to your register. Jungkook fumbled the water bottle he had been setting onto the conveyer belt before turning to stare at you.

“What did you just say?”

You didn’t shrink under his intense glare. “I was asking if you enjoyed your heat. Seems like you did.”

“How do you know I was in my rut?”

“Oh, is rut the correct terminology? Sorry, they always interchanged them in class, I was never sure what was appropriate.” You shrugged and rang up his items. “It was kind of obvious, though. You seemed pretty agitated about a week-and-a-half ago, then you disappear for a week, and now you’re back looking happier than ever. If it wasn’t your rut then I want to know where you went on vacation because that’s where I’m heading to next.”

Jungkook laughed. That almost made you jump out of your skin. You had never heard him laugh before. It was throaty, it was deep, and it was wonderful. “I’ll be sure to send you the link to the Airbnb.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

He smirked. “I’m here every day, aren’t I?”

You tilted your head as you accepted the cash he handed to you. “Clearly, you’re not that reliable.”

Jungkook laughed again. It was becoming your new favorite sound. “My apologies. I didn’t mean to appear flaky.”

“You’re forgiven,” you decided as you handed him the plastic bag of his purchases. Teasingly, you added, “just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

He flashed you a smile that showed off his sharpened canines. “Don’t worry, darling. I never make the same mistake twice.”

Jeon Jungkook kept his promise. He showed up everyday, like clockwork. Bought the same thing. Arrived at the same time. The only thing that changed was how he treated you. It wasn’t that he treated you badly before, he had always been polite. But now, he talked to you. He asked you questions and answered yours. More often than not, he laughed.

(It had become your favorite sound.)

For three months, this continued. The two of you had settled into a comfortable routine, something you relied on and expected. Until, he changed that.

Until, Jeon Jungkook asked you out on a date.

“What did you just say?”

“Are you free? Tonight?” You glanced around, almost expecting to see some sort of supermodel posing behind you to explain the absolute absurdity of the situation. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for the hidden cameras. I think I’m getting Punk’d.”

Jungkook sighed and placed both hands on the counter that separated the two of you. “Look at me.” You did. Slowly and warily, but you did. “Does it look like I’m lying to you?”

Narrowing your eyes, you regarded him carefully. He seemed serious. But, then again, do you ever really know someone? “I don’t know. I’ve never actually seen you lie before so I wouldn’t know the difference.”

“Fine. Ask me what color my shirt is.”

“What color is your shirt?”

“White,” he deadpanned. You glanced down at his chest. His shirt was black.

“Jungkook!”

He threw his head back and released a full bellied laugh. Even in your exasperation you couldn’t help but soften a little. “I’m sorry, darling. I couldn’t help myself.” Annoyed, you huffed and spun to face the cash register. Stabbing your finger onto the touchscreen, you ignored Jungkook’s obvious presence on the opposite side of the counter. Until his hand reached around the card reader and grasped a hold of your chin. The warmth of his fingers forced your head to turn to meet his.

“Come to dinner with me.” His voice was nothing but a rumble in his chest, his eyes so black and all-consuming you couldn’t do anything but agree with him. He seemed pleased by your response as his fingers tightened against your skin and a grateful smile flicked past his lips. His gaze darted down to your mouth and your breath froze in your chest.

“Are you going to kiss me?”

Jungkook raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to?”

“No.” You tried to shake your head but his grip didn’t allow you much movement. He was taken aback by your answer, a small frown tugging at his mouth. You quickly backtracked to fix the situation. “I don’t want our first kiss to be in a grocery store. That’s a new low that I refuse to reach.”

Jungkook chuckled and tapped your chin gently. “Alright, darling. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

Again, he kept his promise to you. He showed up at your parents house exactly at seven, wearing a button-down shirt and slacks. The tulips he had gotten for you was thrust into your hands the moment you opened the door. Flashing him a genuine smile, you hurried into the kitchen to set them in water while your mother grilled him on his birth time. You were quick to drag him away, practically throwing him towards the car as you waved goodbye.

“Sorry,” you sighed as Jungkook opened the passenger door for you. “She has a…thing for astrology. She’s probably creating your star map or whatever right now.”

“It’s okay,” he responded once he got into the drivers seat. “It’s sweet of her to care.”

You snorted. “She’s delusional is what she is.”

“So, you’re saying you don’t believe in astrology?”

“Do you?”

Jungkook shrugged as he pulled out of your dirt driveway. He looked so damn attractive behind the wheel it was honestly unfair. “Not really saying I do or don’t. All I know is that there are a lot of things out there that are out of our control. If believing in the stars and planets helps you gain some of that control back, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

“God, don’t talk like that in front of my mother. She’ll want to start dating you.”

He grinned and placed a hand on your knee. “Tell her I’m already taken.”

You didn’t get a chance to respond to that. Not that he didn’t give you one, it was just that you literally had nothing to say. With just one sentence he opened the floodgates of your brain and the amount of thoughts that were flying through your conscious was painful. Anxiety fluttered in your stomach and you pressed your lips together to keep you from word vomiting onto him. No, it was better to keep your mouth shut and let the moment pass.

By the time you reached the restaurant you were a trembling mess of nerves. Were you guys dating? You thought this was just a ‘testing the waters’ date, not a ‘you’re my girlfriend now’ date. Did you have to make it Facebook official? You hated that shit.

Jungkook didn’t comment on your obvious distress, though. He merely placed a hand on the small of your back, ignoring how you jerked in surprise, and led you into the quiet bistro. Nodding politely to the hostess who was practically panting at the sight of him (you honestly couldn’t blame her) and pulled out your chair for you. When he sat down, he started talking. Idle chat at first. Commenting on one of the dishes, asking about the college classes you were taking at your local university. Before you realized it, wine was in your glass and your shoulders were loose. Previous nerves forgotten, you lost yourself in Jungkook. You drank, you ate, you laughed, and genuinely enjoyed his company. Honestly, it was the best date you’d ever been on.

“I have to be honest with you,” Jungkook spoke after he finished his raw steak. “I have an ulterior motive for asking you here tonight.”

“Oh,” you mumbled around the shrimp you had just tossed in your mouth. “So…this isn’t a date?”

“No, it is,” Jungkook clarified quickly around a dry chuckle. He seemed…nervous. It put you on edge immediately. “This is definitely a date. And, also, more.”

“More? What, is this a proposal too?” You were joking. A 100% joking. But Jungkook was staring at you so seriously it made you panic. “Jungkook, if you get down on one knee here I swear-”

“I’m not proposing,” he assured you. “This is something more than that.”

“More?” You parroted. Jungkook sighed.

“Do you know what a true mate is?”

Right there, in that quaint little bistro, on a date with quite possibly the most untouchable man you’d ever met, he explained how you were irrevocably his. His true mate, his soulmate.

Jungkook explained everything in great detail, which you appreciated, because honestly, you had no words. He explained how when he was born, the witch who cared for him told his father that his future glared brightly ahead of him, but only when he met his other half. True mates were rare. Mating was common, the wolves in his pack could have multiple mates or a lifelong one, but true mates were destiny. Someone or something out there had forged the two of you together. You were essentially each others other half. He was made for you and you were made for him.

“But…aren’t true mates only for wolves? I thought it’s impossible for a human to be a true mate,” you asked in a shaky voice once Jungkook took a breath.

“It was supposed to be impossible. Until, I met you.” Jungkook stared at you with a sort of reverence that made your entire body blush. “I have no idea how you are. I’ve spent hours researching. I’ve consulted with members of my pack and others. No one knows why.”

“Are you sure, though? I mean…what if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not.” Jungkook shook his head. “I visited the witch right after I met you. She took one look at me and told me that I had finally found my true mate. She said she’d never seen a future so bright before.”

You had no words for that. For the first time in your life, you were speechless. Jungkook seemed to understand. He let you sit in silence as he paid for the bill and walked you out to the car. The drive back to your parents house was the same. You couldn’t speak. The shock rendered you stupid.

By the time Jungkook pulled into the driveway you still hadn’t spoken a word to each other. You stepped out of the car before he could open the door for you. Walking up to the porch steps in a trance, you didn’t hear him follow you until he clasped your wrist in his hand. Turning to face him, you were surprised to see his brown eyes so big. They practically sparkled in the moonlight and he looked so soft and sweet you nearly melted into the wood beneath your feet.

“Please,” he whispered. “Can you…just - are you okay? You’ve been so quiet. I’m worried I’ve scared you off or something.”

With that voice, it was impossible to deny him. So, you said the first thing that popped in your head. “Do we have to make it Facebook official?”

Jungkook stared at you before bursting into laughter. “Really? That’s all you have to say?”

You blushed and glanced down. “I’m just worried, that’s all. I can’t remember my Facebook password so even if you wanted to change it I don’t think it’ll work.”

“So that’s why you never accepted my friend request,” Jungkook teased. Before you could squeak out a response, he wrapped his arms around your waist and tugged you forward. You kept your arms crossed across your chest but let yourself fall against him.

“Don’t make fun of me,” you whined as you buried your face into his shoulder. He smelled so good, a mixture of pine and spice. “My brain hasn’t worked since you told me I’m yours, so bear with me.”

Jungkook chuckled and gently swayed you from side to side. “Does that mean you’re okay with this? All of this?”

Sighing, you lifted your head up and stepped away from him. Jungkook was not impressed and pulled you back to him. Your heart swelled in your chest and you wrapped your arms around his neck in consolation. “Honestly? I haven’t really processed anything. You’ve had your whole life to come to terms with this. I just found out thirty minutes ago that I’m someone’s soulmate. It’s a lot to take in.”

Jungkook nodded as he tapped his fingers against your hips. “I know. It’s a lot…I’m a lot. I just want you to know that you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to be with me. I won’t-”

Now it was your turn to burst into laughter. You couldn’t believe those words had left his mouth. It was easily the most absurd thing you’d ever heard. “Jungkook, I want to make something very clear. I have no problem being your true mate. That’s not the issue here. Well, there really isn’t an issue. It’s just…hard to believe, I guess. I have to process that this is my new reality.”

“Really?” Jungkook perked up and looked so fucking cute you couldn’t help but cup his cheeks. His skin was so warm despite the cold autumn air that surrounded you both. “You want to do this? Be with me? Be mine?” All you could do was nod. You were so overwhelmed with emotions. The shock was evident, but a piece of you was so happy. You felt whole.

Jungkook’s face split into a wide smile that caused his nose to scrunch up. He wrapped his arms around your waist and spun you around. Squealing, you slung your legs around his hips and held on. Normally, you’d rather die than show this much affection to someone. But, this was Jungkook. Your soulmate.

“So…what do we do now?” You asked once Jungkook set you down. “Is there, like, a ceremony or something?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted as he stared down at you. He had a hand against your jaw and was rubbing your cheek tenderly. “I really didn’t think I’d get this far.”

You scoffed at his ridiculousness. While recognizing you were Jungkook’s true mate was going to take some time, believing that he thought you’d deny him was utter nonsense. “What if…what if we date, first?” You suggested timidly. “I know that sounds kind of weird considering we’re supposed to be the loves of each others lives. But, I don’t really know you all that well. And, I think this is going to take sometime for me to get used to. Maybe we should date, get to know each other, and just learn how to be with one another.”

“Whatever you want,” Jungkook agreed. “We can do whatever you want. Just as long as I have you, I’m happy.”

Two years passed.

Two blissful, wonderful years. Two years of dating, two years of loving, two years of being Jeon Jungkook’s. It was everything you could’ve asked for and more. You had never felt so loved and cherished in your entire life. He respected you, he took care of you, and most importantly, he was there for you in every sense. Since the moment you met him, you hadn’t been alone. He hadn’t let you. Jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself.

And, it was the same for him. You were there for him when he transitioned into the leader of his pack. You were there when he took over the CEO position from his father and encouraged and supported him every step of the way. You let yourself be loved and in return he let you love him. It was wonderful.

Except, for one tiny thing.

While the emotional aspect of your relationship flourished and bloomed into something beautiful, the physical side remained stagnant. Make out sessions and heavy petting were a norm in your relationship. At first, it didn’t bother you. In fact, you loved that Jungkook was taking things so slow and so seriously. But, eventually, your needs began to grow. You found yourself wanting him in more ways than one, wants that only he could satisfy. Jungkook refused. Every time.

It wasn’t like he refused your every need. No, Jungkook was extremely attentive. When it came to himself, that’s when things got dicy. He had no problem spending hours between your legs, worshipping you until you were crying from the overstimulation. Yet, he wouldn’t let you anywhere near him. Not without lack of trying on your part. The minute your hands went down to his waistband, he pushed you away. Every time you tried to dip your mouth to the obvious bulge in his pants, he lifted you up and kissed you breathless until you forgot your name. It wasn’t until after a year of dating that he finally let you grind on his clothed cock. Even then, he held off until you finished and then walked out with quite possibly the worst case of blue balls. You hated that he did this to himself. The worst part was, you couldn’t understand why.

The one time you had brought it up to him it had resulted in the worst fight the two of you had ever gotten into. It was the only argument that was never really resolved. After the yelling and the tears, all you got out of Jungkook was that mating with a wolf was not pretty. It was extremely dangerous and he refused to put you in that kind of danger. End of discussion. No matter how hard you tried to persuade him or broach the subject, he shut it down. Hard. Eventually, you gave up.

He even spent his ruts away from you. Every three months, he left you for a week. You knew he had a place somewhere up in the mountains and you assumed that’s where he went. You had no idea. There was no point even asking to come along. You loved your boyfriend and didn’t want to purposely give him a heart attack. You hated it when he left. As much as you tried to hide it and convince him that you were just fine, he wasn’t stupid. Being away from him was tough. A piece of you was missing whenever he was gone. And you were only whole again when he returned.

This past week had been one of those weeks. He had left on Sunday for the mountains. He was agitated and clingy, how he normally was pre-rut. Jungkook wouldn’t let you leave his side and you spent most of the weekend on his lap or wrapped in his arms. Not that you minded. When he left your parents house on Sunday night, you’d had to coax him out of the door. Promising him that you’d be okay and that you’d see him next week. It wasn’t until several kisses later did Jungkook finally leave.

While you’d been doing this for two years, it never got easier. More manageable? Sure. But definitely not easier. All you could do was go through the motions. You went to work at the local bakery, came home and helped your mom with dinner, watched TV with your dad before going to bed. Taehyung and Jimin would visit often, threatened by Jungkook to keep you company. While you assured them it wasn’t necessary, you secretly didn’t mind. They made you laugh and made you temporarily forget your boyfriend was miles away from you. Sometimes, if you were lucky, he’d call you to tell you goodnight. But those times were rare. Normally, you didn’t hear from him until Friday or Saturday when he was finally coming out of his rut and returning to the world.

By the time Sunday rolled around, you were a jittery ball of nerves. Not in a bad sense. You were just excited. The anticipation killed you and it took all of your willpower to sit and wait for his text to tell you to come over. Your parents always left you alone on these Sundays, unable to deal with your hyperactiveness and constant fidgeting.

This Sunday was no different. You puttered around your room for the better part of the day. You spent the other part in the kitchen, baking like your life depended on it. Jungkook loved your cookies and you always made sure to come over with at least three batches after his ruts. He always said that was his second favorite part about coming home, after seeing you, of course.

You had just finished packaging the final batch in a glass cookie jar when your phone dinged. You didn’t have to read the message, you knew exactly what it said. Pure joy rushed through your system as you threw on your coat and shouted a hasty goodbye to your parents. Juggling the cookies and car keys, you sprinted to your car. The drive to Jungkook’s was thankfully not long. About ten minutes, as long as you didn’t hit any traffic on the main road. Luck was on your side, though, and you showed up at Jungkook’s house in eight minutes.

Taehyung’s car was in the driveway when you pulled up, which wasn’t odd. Although Jungkook owned the house, the members of his pack were almost always around. While most preferred to travel in their wolf forms, you knew Taehyung and Namjoon preferred cars. Something about being able to listen to their own music without comments from the peanut gallery. You didn’t really understand and didn’t really need to. You had just chalked it up as one of their many quirks.

Carrying the trays of cookies in both hands, you shut your car door with your foot before speed-walking up the stone walkway to Jungkook’s home. The screen door was shut, but the wooden door was swung wide open. You had just reached for the metal handle when you heard it.

A deep, threatening growl ripped through the peaceful quiet and froze you in place. You knew it was Jungkook. While you had only heard it once, you’d never forgotten it. It was when the two of you had attended a party and an alpha from a neighboring pack had cornered you in the hallway. Jungkook had found you cowered against the wall as the other alpha had caged you in. The sound that had left his chest had given you equal parts comfort and fear. Comfort, because he was there and you knew you were safe. Fear, because you could see in the way he bared his teeth and how his muscles vibrated, he had been furious and bloodthirsty.

That’s what you felt now, fear.

Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.

From your vantage point in front of the screen door, you could see directly into the kitchen. Taehyung was leaning against the granite countertop and Jungkook was seated at the island. The tension was so thick you practically choked on it.

“Enough, Taehyung.”

“No,” Taehyung snapped, seeming just as angry as Jungkook. “I’m not dropping it. Not this time.”

“Yes, you will,” Jungkook snarled. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Too fucking bad.” While Taehyung was also an alpha, he acted so much like a beta you never really noticed. Until now. “I’m not going to sit by and watch you do this to yourself anymore. Not spending your ruts correctly is only causing you more harm than good.”

“I’m doing things the way I want to, and it’s working-”

“The hell it is!” Jungkook growled at the interruption but Taehyung ignored him. “It’s not working, and you know it. Anyone with two fucking eyes knows it. It’s getting so bad that the pack is noticing, too. Even Namjoon has realized something is wrong, and he’s as oblivious as they come.”

“If they have a problem with me they can take it up with me.”

“No, they can’t. Because you won’t listen. Your head is so far up your ass you can’t even hear yourself anymore. What you’re doing right now is not working. Something needs to change.”

“Like what?” Jungkook spat.

“You know what,” Taehyung bit back. Jungkook was practically vibrating from rage. You knew you needed to go get someone, someone from the pack to calm the two of them down. Things were only escalating, but you couldn’t move. Your brain screamed at you to run but your legs were rooted in place. “That’s is what’s so frustrating, Jungkook. This, all of this, could be solved. She’s right there-”

“Don’t.” Jungkook stood up so fast the chair he sat on flew backwards and hit the wall with a resounding crack.

“Why?” Taehyung threw his arms up in the air. “Why not? I don’t get it-”

“Because I don’t want her!” Jungkook yelled, the force of it rang throughout the house. You had no idea who the she was that they were referring to. You assumed it was someone from the pack. It was well-known that wolves with human mates sometimes turned to other she-wolves to help with their ruts. You figured that’s what Jungkook did whenever he went away for a week. It had bothered you at first, but you knew he had his needs and that they were at a biological level. You refused to make him feel guilty or ashamed for taking care of himself.

“You don’t want her?” Taehyung was enraged. You could tell by the way he straightened his spine and unfurled himself to his full height. Jungkook bristled in response and the muscles in his back strained against the thin material of his shirt.

“No, I don’t!” Jungkook exploded. “What don’t you understand about that? I don’t want her around me. I don’t need her, I’m fine on my own. The thought of having her there when…God - it makes me physically ill.”

“She’s your girlfriend. Above all of that, your true mate. You’re seriously going to deny yourself of her, for what? Just because you don’t like having her around?”

Oh.

That’s when it hit you. They weren’t talking about some random she-wolf. They were talking about you. You were the one Jungkook didn’t want. You were the one Jungkook didn’t need. You were the one he didn’t like having around. As the weight of the words sunk into your mind, you felt your chest becoming tighter and tighter.

Then, you’re heart broke right in half. You dropped the container of cookies and didn’t flinch when it shattered against the wooden slats. The sound unstuck your feet from their position on the porch and your fight or flight system took over. Without a second thought, you turned on your heel and ran.

You didn’t know if anyone was behind you, you didn’t turn around to check. Hands fumbled for the car door as you threw yourself into the drivers side. Pain ricocheted throughout your chest cavity and you struggled to breathe. Your brain was blank, the only thing your mind did was move your body to get you somewhere safe. You had to leave and you had to leave now.

Miraculously, your fingers found your keys and inserted them into the ignition on the second try. A flutter of movement occurred to the left of you but your eyes didn’t let you look that way. Instead, they focused on the rearview mirror as you reversed out of the driveway. Your right hand found the gearshift and moved it to drive. Soon, you were tearing down the street as your ears refused to register the agonized howls that echoed behind as you kept staring forward. Adrenaline pumped through your system and your body shivered in response, the splash of hormones had created a blanket of fake calm over you. The emotions, the pain, the thoughts were swirling inside of you, ready to break free and drown you, but your brain wouldn’t allow it.

It wasn’t until you reached the end of your long driveway that you felt the original spike of adrenaline fade away. Your mother was in the front, tending to the flowers, and looked up when she saw your car fly into its usual spot. She stood up and her face twisted into a frown when you got out of your seat.

“Honey, your aura…it’s concerning.” The blanket was yanked away and the pain crashed over you.

You couldn’t say a word, all you could do was collapse in your mother's arms and cry, cry, cry.

It took you two days to calm down. The tears had stopped rolling and your shoulders no longer shook from trying to hold your sobs behind your teeth. Your mother hadn’t left your side, leaving your father to answer the door whenever someone knocked. The only person who did was Taehyung and Jimin. Jungkook never showed up.

Well, that was a lie.

Jungkook did show up every morning and night, without fail. But he never came to your doorstep.  Instead, he was in the woods behind your house, patrolling, not daring to leave the protection of the forest. A part of you wondered if he was respecting your obvious need for space or if your mother had paid a witch to set up boundary lines that didn’t allow him to cross. Either way, you were grateful that you couldn’t see him. There was an incessant tugging in your heart to be near him but you staunchly ignored it, which would’ve been impossible if you saw his achingly beautiful face.

I don’t want her. I don’t need her. Having her there makes me physically ill. Those three sentences played in a constant loop in your head, like a horror movie you couldn’t escape from. You were the protagonist who couldn’t escape the maze, but the villain wasn’t kind enough to kill you off. No matter what you did, your brain wouldn’t stop repeating those three sentences. Your mother burned sage, she pressed crystals into your palms, she muttered ritual after ritual, but nothing worked.

You hated how affected you were. You had always told yourself that you would never be the girl who’d get so wrapped up in someone else they didn’t know who they were anymore. Independence was something you prided yourself on, but you seemed to be at a complete loss now. You couldn’t stop the waves of sadness and self-hatred at your depressed state. It was amazing how empty you felt yet so full of pain at the same time. Your mind and heart couldn’t seem to decide which hurt worse; your heart for having your soulmate so obviously reject you, or your brain for trying to make sense of the situation. When did this happen? How did this happen? How had you been so blind as to not see it?

“I don’t think we’re soulmates,” you rasped to your mom on the third morning. It had been the first words you had spoken to her since you had fell into her arms. She looked up from the bundle of herbs she was smoking.

“Why do you say that?”

You stared at your hands that had curled in on themselves. “I don’t make him happy. I-I never realized how uncomfortable I made him. I wish I had known. How did I miss it?”

Your mother tutted gently and gathered you in her arms. She smelled of lavender and wax. “This is good. I’m glad you’re letting yourself have this moment. Let’s sit in this and allow yourself to be embedded here.” But you didn’t want to have this moment. You didn’t want to have any moment and you’ve felt enough to last a lifetime. Instead, you rolled over, let sleep overtake you and tried to ignore the distant howling that rattled your window pane.

By nightfall of the fourth day, you were forced out of bed. Partly by choice, partly by force. Your parents had dipped out to run to the grocery store, despite your mother’s insistence that she could stay. You and your father managed to convince her to leave and you had gotten up to wave them goodbye. Sure, your heart was broken, but the least you could do was kiss them on the cheek before they left. You had turned around to shuffle into the kitchen to try and shovel something down your dry throat when a loud knock sounded at the front door. Hesitating, you carefully peeked through the kitchen window and saw Jimin on your front doorstep, dressed in all black.

Sighing, you stumbled over and pulled the door open. You figured you couldn’t avoid them for much longer. “Hey, Jimin.”

“Christ, you look like shit.”

You huffed out a laugh as Jimin stared at you in horror, not having the energy to be offended. You also knew, in a weird way, that this was Jimin’s way of caring for you. “Yeah. My mother’s covered all the mirrors in the house.”

Jimin nodded as he glanced at you from head to toe. “I want to ask if you’re okay but…” He gestured to your gaunt frame swaddled in a heavy sweatshirt and sweatpants. For the first time in two years, they were your own clothes, not Jungkook’s.

“I’m fine, Jimin,” you heaved a heavy sigh and leaned against the doorframe. “Do you want to come in? I think my mom boiled some tea not too long ago.”

Jimin shook his head. “Can’t. Jungkook would have a fit if I got that close to you right now. I’m already pushing my luck just by showing up.” He doesn’t care, you thought bitterly, and almost said it out loud but you caught yourself at the last second. Jimin wasn’t stupid, though. He knew what you were thinking. “Hey,” he murmured, eyes going soft, “are you ready to talk about it?”

“No.” You shook your head. A wave of sadness washed over you but the telltale prick of tears didn’t come.

Jimin understood. He tucked his hands into his pockets as he rocked back onto his heels. “Are you going to talk to him?”

Letting out a heavy breath, you crossed your arms over your chest. “I know I have to. I just…I just need time.”

“Take however long you need.”

It was another 48-hours before you finally snapped. While you had spent the majority of the two days that had passed to make yourself resemble a human being, you couldn’t focus. You couldn’t move on. Why?

Because Jungkook wouldn’t leave you alone.

His presence was constant. He circled your house every hour of ever day, the large shadow of him in wolf form darkened the trees behind your house. The howling had stopped but the pacing hadn’t. You hoped he was at least sleeping, but then you got annoyed at yourself for caring. You didn’t know why he was out there, it made no sense. Jungkook’s words were so different from his actions it made your head spin.

But, you needed to move on with your life. You had to. The only way it was going to happen was if Jungkook did too. It hurt. God, did it hurt. Yet, as sad and utterly pathetic as it sounded, you were used to the pain at this point, had resigned yourself to it. A part of you worried you wouldn’t know what to do without it.

Shaking off that depressing thought, you tugged on your rain boots and stepped outside for the first time in a week. The air was heavy with the promise of rain, the clouds low and gray. You tugged the hood up on your sweater to prevent your hair from completely frizzing out before you walked to down the back deck steps.

The backyard of your parents house was expansive. The home you had grown up in sat on top of a sloping hill that your mother had turned into her personal greenhouse. You stepped past rows of raised garden beds and pruned plants until you reached the line where the neatly mowed grass met the twisted ferns of the forest floor. As you had suspected, the ground was scorched with the evidence of past rituals. While your mother hadn’t out right admitted, you had figured someone had come and created a boundary line. It was obviously specific to Jungkook since Jimin and Taehyung were still able to visit. While your mother’s methods were extreme, you understood. As difficult as it was to move on with your life with Jungkook sequestered to the forest, you couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like if he was within a few feet of you.

With a deep inhale, you sat down on the damp grass and waited. After a few minutes, you could hear the faint sounds of paws hitting the wet earth. The galloping got louder and louder until there was a momentary stretch of silence before it changed to footsteps.

When Jungkook emerged from the trees, you weren’t prepared. Although you knew you wouldn’t be, you still weren’t expecting it to hurt this bad. Your chest squeezed painfully at the first look of his broad form. Technically, it had been two weeks since you two had truly seen each other, the longest you’d ever gone. What hurt the most was how badly you longed for him. You wanted nothing more than to run straight into his arms, bury your face into his chest, and forget everything. Just forgive and give your heart what it wanted. But you remained firmly in place.

Jungkook looked as if he had seen a ghost. Which, to be fair, was probably true since you hadn’t seen the sun in seven days. His normally golden skin was pale and even from where you sat you could see the dark circles bruising under his eyes. Clearly, he hadn’t been sleeping. You hated that you noticed. You hated that you cared. He was dressed in all black and his chest strained against the material of his sweater. His hands were balled into tight fists at his side and the sight reminded you of why you were here.

“Hi.” Probably wasn’t the best start but it was the best you could do. Jungkook didn’t respond so you soldiered on. “I-I know you don’t want to be here, so I’ll make this quick. I just…wanted to apologize. I had no idea I made you so uncomfortable. I’m not sure how long you’ve felt this way about me, not that it really matters, but I wish you had told me sooner. Maybe things would’ve been easier for you, who knows.” You released a heavy sigh and tried to shove down the stone in your throat as you forced the next words out of your mouth. “But, all of that doesn’t matter anymore. I think I understand what you need, now. I know you loved me at one point, but I’m obviously not what you need anymore. And…t-that’s okay - I swear it is. All I want is for you to be happy, Jungkook. And I think, in order for that to happen, I need to move on. We both need to move on-”

“Stop it,” Jungkook broke in with a harsh voice that cut your sentence in half. “Stop talking.”

It felt like he had slapped you in the face. A wave of humiliation washed over you and you visibly flinched. Staggering to your feet, you locked your gaze onto your boots in an attempt to hide the tears that dripped down your nose. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, not expecting it to change anything. You began to turn away but Jungkook stopped you in your tracks, again.

“Wait, no - stop. Stop. Please…don’t go,” he pleaded. When you turned around, his eyes were frantic. Jungkook’s hand was raised from his side as if he thought about reaching out to you but something stopped him. His words were at war with one another and you were caught in the middle, at a loss for what he was trying so desperately to convey to you.

“Jungkook, I’m so confused.”

“I know. I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry.” Jungkook tucked his head into his hands before dropping down into a squat. “This is all wrong. This is all so wrong.”

You knew you should walk away. You had said your piece, it was time to move on, just as you had said. Yet, you couldn’t. It was as if your heart was tethered to him and your body couldn’t handle the pain of walking away. “Listen-”

“I don’t know what to do.” He cut you off but the bubbles of anger that had risen from being interrupted popped once you saw how lost he looked. His tattooed fingers threaded through his hair, allowing you to see the pure anguish that twisted his features. “Whenever I feel like this, I come to you. Because you always know what to do. Any situation, no matter what, you can handle it. It’s something I’ve always admired about you.”

The way he spoke to you now, so reverently and so full of awe, made your head spin. Nothing made sense.  It was such a blatant contrast to the brutality that he had spat out a week ago. As much as you wanted to believe what he said now, those stupid words could not get out of your head. It was a constant reminder that never shut up.

“I don’t know what to do either,” you admitted in a quiet voice.

“Tell me,” Jungkook begged, as if he couldn’t and refused to comprehend what you had just told him. “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Whatever you want from me, I’ll give you.”

You were shaking your head before he could finish. “There’s nothing you can do, Jungkook. Nothing.”

“Don’t say that.” He stared at you, horrified. “Don’t say that to me. Please, there has to be something.”

“What could there be?” You cried. Tears streamed down your cheeks now. “You said it yourself, being near me makes you sick. Why would I stay? Why would you want me to? I refuse to make you uncomfortable anymore - so that’s that.”

“It isn’t,” Jungkook argued back. “It can’t be. I-I can’t lose you, I can’t. I need to make this right, please just let me. Please.”

But, you were tired. You were so fucking tired. You were exhausted of the emotional rollercoaster that you were on that you just wanted to crawl away and hide. All the fight seeped out of you as your shoulders slumped forward. Jungkook saw this and the blood drained from his face. You were giving up, he could see it, and it scared the shit out of him.

“Jungkook, I need to go, okay? I-I can’t do this.”

“No!” Jungkook shouted and shot up to his feet. The pure panic that choked his voice brought on a fresh set of tears that you struggled to hold back. “Just let me explain, okay? I swear to God, after you hear what I have to say, if you still want me to, I’ll let you go. I won’t fight you on it. But, please let me tell you the truth. Give me a chance to make this right. You deserve that.”

You hesitated for a moment. Deep down, you knew you should let him talk. Not because you necessarily thought he deserved to, but because he was right. You did deserve the truth, no matter how much it broke your heart. With a heavy sigh and a quick swipe of your cheeks, you nodded. Once Jungkook was sure you weren’t going to leave, he began pacing. Looking every bit like the wild animal you knew him to be but never got to see.

“Mating with a werewolf is…brutal. It’s intense, it’s painful and it isn’t pretty. It’s essentially a breeding session where I use you as a vessel to fulfill my innate biological needs. It’s not romantic, it’s not gentle. Even for she-wolves it can be too much. The thought of subjecting you to something like that - that type of pain…I couldn’t fathom it. I don’t think you understand just how precious you are to me. The image of you being battered and bruised because of me, something I did…it tormented me, day and night.” He paused for a moment, the pained look in his eyes made you shiver. You hated that he had gone through all of this turmoil on his own, and you especially hated how you never made more of an effort to try and relieve him of it.

“I couldn’t do it. That’s partially the reason I waited so long to tell you that you were my true mate. I knew ruts were something I would never expose you to even though it’s such a huge part of my life, a wolf’s life.” Jungkook looked you straight in the eye, the intensity of his dark gaze took your breath away. “I know the practices other wolves partake in when their own heats or ruts arrive. I know you know them too. But, I need you to understand something. The moment you allowed me to be yours and vice versa, I haven’t had anyone else since. I swear on my life, I’ve spent every single one of my ruts alone. I wouldn’t and I won’t do that to you.”

“Isn’t that painful, though?” Your voice cracked but neither one of you acknowledged it. While your knowledge on ruts were expansive, having done plenty of research since being with Jungkook, you had obviously never experienced one.

“It’s manageable. It’s way more painful for a she-wolf to go through her heat alone than it is for a male.” Jungkook clenched and unclenched his fists as he resumed his pacing. “The worst part is being away from you. I’ve been going through ruts since puberty, I can handle them. But not being able to be with you for a whole week…I hated it. Still do. I dread that three month mark. And as time went on, I became more and more miserable. Being apart from you was almost unbearable but the other option…I never even allowed myself to consider it.

“It came to the point where the pack was noticing. I wasn’t getting the proper pheromonal release from my ruts and it was beginning to affect those around me. Taehyung has been on my ass for months now to get over myself and take you with me during my next rut. Each time I’d give him some excuse, but it was getting harder and harder to justify what I was doing. At first, I was convinced it was because I was protecting you. But you’ve been so understanding and so patient with me and my life, those excuses were becoming useless. Eventually, I think it was because I was protecting myself. I was - am - so scared. I’m terrified that I could hurt you when I’m like that. That I wouldn’t be able to notice or worse, ignored, if something happened to you. Living with that type of fear became debilitating. So, I just kept my mouth shut and kept you away from that part of me.”

Jungkook shook his head and chuckled humorlessly. “Now I know that was the worst possible thing I could do. That I was just hurting you more. What you walked into last Sunday was a culmination of my frustrations that I was refusing to deal with. While it’s not a valid reason, I’m well aware of that, I need you to know that what you heard was not the truth. It couldn’t be further from it. Because the truth is that I’m hopelessly in love with you and the thought of being without you hurts worse than I ever thought was possible.”

It wasn’t the first nor would it be the last time that Jungkook left you speechless. It took you a full minute to process what he had said. Jungkook granted you the silence although he became increasingly more agitated as time passed. His boots scuffed the dead leaves that littered the ground and his pacing led him closer to the ashes that lay before your feet. Then, he’d suddenly stalk off with a growl as he was forced to keep away.

“I-” you cleared your throat around the lump that had found a home there. “I had no idea. This whole time…I thought it was because you didn’t want me.”

“God, no.” Jungkook swore heavily as his muscles bunched and coiled beneath his clothes. “The - the fact that…you - fuck. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. That’s not it, that’s not it at all. You’re my dream girl, you’re the love of my life, and I want you every second of every day.”

Maybe it’s because you were emotionally drained and had no mental strength left. Maybe, you needed to hear those words from Jungkook more than you realized. Whatever the reason was, it wasn’t worth trying to figure out an explanation as you sunk to the ground and burst into tears.

Jungkook lost it across from you. Broken whines stained the air as he carded through his hair anxiously. He kept trying to get to you, to try to soothe you. But the boundary was unfortunately doing its job and each attempt was met with failure. Curses were spat out until eventually, he got as close as the boundary would let him and fell to his knees. He began spewing whatever came to mind first, unsure of what to do. All he knew was that you were crying because of him and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He thought hearing you cry from your bedroom window was torture, but nothing could compare to hearing you break down in front of him. Nothing. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m sorry…please, I’m so sorry. I - don’t cry, darling. Please don’t. I’m so sorry I hurt you, I didn’t mean to, I swear.”

It wasn’t tears of heartbreak that leaked from your eyes. Instead, it was tears of relief. While your heart had wholly accepted his words as the truth, the logical part of you reminded yourself that the two of you had way more talking to do. This was far from over, but the relief of knowing that he loved you and he was yours…it was indescribable.

You finally lifted your head up and were shocked to find Jungkook’s cheeks glistening with moisture. Your only thought was to comfort him as you scrambled forward to do just that. Instead of feeling his smooth skin against the palm of your hand, you were blocked by what felt like a wall although nothing stood in your way. Frowning, you realized with a start that the boundary worked both ways. Jungkook let out a frustrated growl as he glared at the ashes that was stopping both of you from getting what you wanted. It was silent for a few moments until an idea popped into your head.

“Wait here,” you announced before jumping up and taking off for the house. Ignoring Jungkook’s distressed cry, you ran inside. You yanked your car keys off from their designated hook and quickly typed out a text to your parents to let them know where you were going before spinning around and sprinting back outside. Jungkook was where you left him, although he stumbled to his feet when he saw you reappear.

“I’m going to your house,” you announced, breathless. “No witch is stupid enough to go that far into werewolf territory. If you want to talk to me there, then follow me.”

Jungkook stared at you for a heartbeat until the words you spoke clicked. “Y-yeah. Yes. Okay. I’ll be there.”

With a curt nod, you ran to your car. For the first time in a week, a faint sprout of hope bloomed in your chest.

It was the longest and shortest ten minutes of your life. The drive to Jungkook’s seemed to last a lifetime but also was over within a blink of an eye. The tears had stopped flowing by the time you pulled your car into his driveway, but you felt the telltale prick in your eyes when you saw him burst from the trees. Your heart ached as his long legs ate up the distance between you two as you wrestled with your seatbelt and threw the car into park. By the time you freed yourself, he was at the hood of your car.

The two of you stared at each other for a few breathless moments. You weren’t sure who moved first, but it didn’t matter as you crashed into each other’s arms. The moment his searing warmth enveloped you, you dissolved into another puddle of sobs. The feeling of his thick arms banded across your back, his torso molded to yours, and his hair tickling your ear, felt so right. Another wave of crippling relief washed over you and you practically melted against Jungkook. But he held you up, just like he always had.

He leaned against the front bumper while his hands were everywhere. Cradling your head into his neck, smoothing over your hips, or running circles over your shoulders. He was crying, you could feel the tears dampening your hair. But you were soaking his shirt so no one was in any position to complain.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t,” Jungkook hissed fiercely as he squeezed you tighter. “Don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault, not in the slightest.”

“Kook,” you sighed and pulled your head back to get a good look at him. “It takes two to tango.”

“Not this time,” he argued. “You’ve put up with so much. You’re everything I could’ve asked for and more. It was my own fears that got in the way and created this mess. And I’m so sorry for that, darling. I’m so fucking sorry.”

You shushed him gently, running your thumbs over his cheeks to swipe at the dried tears. “I know you’re sorry. I believe you.”

Jungkook dipped his head further into your touch with a pleased rumble vibrating through his chest. He kissed your palm gently, sniffing at your wrist. It made you giggle. “Missed that,” Jungkook mumbled as he stared at you with stars in his eyes. “Missed you. Missed you so much.”

A fresh wave of tears cascaded down your cheeks. You were positive that you looked like a mess, hair in a knotted bun, face red and puffy and you kept sniffling every two seconds. But Jungkook looked at you as if you held the world in your hands. “Missed you too,” you murmured in return. “Please, next time, just talk to me. I may not have the answers you’re looking for all the time, but I’ll always be here to listen.”

“I know,” Jungkook whispered. “There won’t be a next time, promise. If I happen to be stupid enough to put us in this position again, I give you full permission to punch me in the face.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” You lifted yourself onto your toes to brush your lips against his, dropping back down to your feet when his head chased after yours. “Or maybe I just won’t kiss you for a week.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened comically and he actually looked terrified. “I’d rather you just punched me in the face.” You tilted your head back and laughed. Jungkook tugged you closer and nosed your throat before peppering gentle kisses along the exposed skin. Sighing happily, you tilted your head to allow him better access and rested your cheek on his shoulder.

“I love you,” you said quietly. Jungkook froze for a split second before he sank against you. Squeaking in shock, you scrambled to brace yourself against the sudden weight pressing you towards the house.

“Say it again,” Jungkook pleaded. You couldn’t deny him. Dusting feather light kisses to the shell of his ear, you repeated those three words again, and again, and again. Each time you did, Jungkook held you a little tighter and cried a little harder.

Eventually, you’re murmured promises became softer and softer until the two of you just enjoyed each others presence. “C’mon,” you finally whispered as you started to lift yourself off of him. Jungkook growled and refused to let you move an inch farther. “Kook, come on. Let’s go inside. Your ass must be numb by now.”

“Don’t care,” he grumbled but he at least shuffled forward a bit more so that your combined weight wasn’t squashing his ass against your car.

“You might say that now, but you won’t be saying that later.”

Jungkook grunted at your logic but he at least raised his head and looked at you with the sweetest eyes. “Please tell me you’re staying.”

Giggling, you asked, “do you want me to?”

“Obviously,” he scoffed. “I want you here forever.” Jungkook tilted his head thoughtfully. “Actually, you should just move in with me.”

Christ, this boy was going to give you whiplash. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Jungkook, we just made up. The whole reason we were in this mess is because of poor communication. Don’t you think we should work on that first before anything else?”

“But…we could work on communication all the time if we’re together 24/7.” Despite his pout, you knew he wasn’t totally serious. Although you were sure it was going to come up again.

“Alright, you maniac,” you said fondly. “Take me to bed.” Jungkook’s chest rumbled happily as he lifted you up and wrapped your legs around his trim waist.

It wasn’t a long walk to his bedroom, but the exhaustion of the past week caught up to you and the gentle rocking of his steps lulled you into a serene state. Not quite asleep, but not quite awake either. You were aware when Jungkook placed you on his bed, practically engulfed in his scent. The last thing you remember before falling asleep was the words Jungkook pressed into your hair has he slid in behind you.

“Love you forever, my darling girl.”

©jcwritings Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without my permission.

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[gokartkid]

do you have any thoughts on the trend from some fic recently to always make alex "less than" his partner? he either retired early, gave up on karting, never raced, or any other scenario you can think of. it happens in aus too, where he's the failed artist or whatever. it seems very unfair given he's one of the most motivated drivers on the grid and reeks like implicit bias, but maybe i'm reading into it too much 🤷

omg i DO think about this all the time anon!!!! ur so smart. i will give my little thoughts. (under the cut, it got long lmfao)

i think there are a lot of things to consider here. theres the career based angle, where alex DID get dropped from rbr, spend a year out, come back in a williams, which surface level leads to this failed-at-something image right. i think that does lead to a (sad) characterisation that doesnt look at his motivations/drive like this is the guy that in F2 didnt know if hed be ABLE to race….literally race by race contract! he HAD to place. (and he did!) so that... for me, is important to remember when i write alex.

and then i think re: implicit bias, with how white f1/f1blr is i am always thinking about the white/non-white ship impacts.

it kind of gets meta because what we’re doing all the time is basing our portrayals off of the media that is portraying THEM right….  and its like if they are already approaching alex in a racially biased way (which: think the yuki effect of oh just a silly no commitment guy) (media is also rlly good at doing this in not-obvious ways if u are not looking for it) then obviously that trickles down into fic… inevitably! the media was incredibly cruel to alex when he was in rbr. compare that to georges williams-to-mercedes treatment, to charles in sauber and ferrari... yeah.

characterisation is never going to be perfect! its just fic! i think where it becomes dicey is if your characterisation relies on racial tropes that ur implicitly feeding into LIKE asian people not being seen as emotionally vulnerable compared to their white counterparts, like ignoring the ways that alex IS a very hard worker (think the spreadsheets! the amount of work he did as a reserve!) (what im rlly saying is taking a look at why you find a narrative of alex failing interesting, is not a bad thing. why is it not compelling to think of alex as the winner and the other person as the loser? etc.)

like for instance in chalex/galex/wotever alex ship, when its the other person being overly emotional, or needing emotional support, it is interesting! because why is alex the manic pixie dream girl esque guy? why is he the one fixing them/causing growth in them etc. at perhaps a lack of his own growth?

on a personal level, whenever i write alex i find it the most compelling if he IS at his low, of having maybe failed, right, but always paired with him working and striving towards something more, showing that he has that ability.

the tragedy isn't that he failed because of his OWN shortcomings, the tragedy is that he HAS what it takes and yet nothing aligned to allow him to show that.