#i think i used to like two years ago but. man whyd i stop this is fun
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harvestmoth · 2 years ago
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the minnow (+ a penguin)
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peachiikawa · 4 years ago
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Fly | Route Selected: S. Daichi
a/n: thank you all for being so patient with me. finally, here is the long awaited daichi route. hope you all enjoy!
genre: mafia au
warnings: blood, reader getting hurt, guns, violence
word count: 2.3k
Fly Masterlist
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“I choose you”
Your eyes locked with daichi
And daichi stared into yours trying to figure you out
“Are you sure?”
You nodded your head and held your ground
“Im sure”
He felt his eyes soften for a moment at the determination in your eyes before hardening again
“Fine. Everyone else, go home. Youre with me then. Lets go”
Daichi called for a car and drove you home
The silence between the two of you was only filled with the soft sound of a piano playing on the radio
The ride was finally over after about twenty minutes
“I’ll come get you tomorrow morning. Youll be working as an intern now so dress accordingly”
With that he left and you felt like you could breathe again
Just what had you gotten yourself into?
As he said he was at your house in the morning in a car that looked just a tad too expensive
You gulped before taking your first step towards him
“Good morning, Daichi”
He just nodded at you as you got into the car
The drive was once again silent
You looked over at the man behind the wheel and noticed how...formal he looked
Suit, straight back, both hands on the wheel
You felt yourself naturally adjusting yourself to mirror his mannerisms
He stole some glances at you without you noticing and felt his eyes soften upon seeing how nervous you looked
As soon as you stepped into the building you could feel the professional atmosphere
The endless windows and white walls gave off a chilling feeling
You only came back to reality when Daichi gently nudged your back
“I dont have all day. Hurry up and move”
The harshness of his words were the opposite of his touch but they still hurt nonetheless
You nodded your head and kept walking, trying to keep up with his quick stride
You followed him into an office as he took a seat behind the wooden desk
“This will be brief so don’t feel the need to sit”
Your eyes followed his every move as he organized his desk that was already pretty organized with stacks of papers
Daichi went on about your duties here but you honestly werent listening
You were a bit overwhelmed from the unfamiliar building you were in that you forgot about the man in front of you
Up until your eyes landed on the nameplate that sat on his desk
Sawamura Daichi, CEO
Without even knowing it, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion
Just who did you get yourself involved with?
Daichi finally noticed that his conversation with you wasnt going anywhere
“Hey. Are you even listening to me?”
You snapped out of it and shook your head
“Im listening!”
He just sighed and repeated everything he just said again
“Whatever. Just listen because this will be the last time i say this. Youll be working here at Sawamura Inc from now on as an intern. Your fellow interns are Hinata and Kageyama so feel free to ask them questions if you have any. You can leave now. I’ll come get you at the end of the day”
You nodded your head and started your day
Kageyama helped you the most in learning the ropes, you didnt see much of hinata. it was almost as if he was avoiding you
“Ok...so these files go here?”
He nodded his head
“Yeah i think you got it down now. If you need me ill be organizing some things for suga”
The rest of the day went on slowly until finally seven oclock hit
You could hear the faint sound of footsteps approaching you
“Lets go”
Daichi wasted no time in leaving
You quickly put down the rest of the papers you needed to organize and followed him out
The next couple weeks were like clockwork
Almost exactly the same as the day before
And no matter how hard you tried to get to know the man who took you to and from work he wouldnt budge
The only thing you ever got out of him were short replies and head nods
Did he really not like you that much?
But something you noticed every morning and every evening was the light sound of a piano playing from the radio
“Do you like the piano daichi?”
You werent even sure youd get an answer out of him
But he must if he listened to it everyday
You saw his hands lightly grip the steering wheel tighter before loosening, a ghost of a smile appearing on his lips
Your eyes widened when you saw it
In your two weeks together...youd never seen him give a look like this
Like he...enjoyed life
Like he was happy
“Yeah...its okay”
But just as fast as it appeared on his face, it quickly disappeared
Who knew that the stoic man next to you could make expressions like that
Almost made your heart race
“Do you play?”
Silence fell upon the both of you before you heard him let out a sigh
“No”
And now we’re back to stage one when you finally though you were getting more than one word answers
What could you do to make him see you?
This question played in your head as you filed away some papers for Asahi with Hinata
It was the first time youd done something with him but from what youve seen kageyama just calls him an idiot all the time and hits him
Also from what youve heard hinatas been with the sawamuras for a while so maybe he has some insight
“Hey hinata, can i ask you a question?”
He kept quiet so you took that as permission
“Do you know why daichi likes listening to the piano so much?”
That caused him to stop
“If he hasnt told you then dont ask me”
Youd be lying if you said that didnt make you more intrigued so naturally you did some digging
And eventually you stumbled upon an article from no more than five years ago
It told the tale of a young piano prodigy that had chosen to study music at the university of music and performing arts in vienna
And that piano prodigy was the now the distant leader of the Karasuno Mafia
You wonder what happened to him, what the story was behind his change in career path
The next day you decided that if you wanted to learn more about him then asking the questions would help
“Good afternoon daichi!”
You smiled at him as you delivered some paperwork to him
“Morning…”
You set the small stack down on his desk in front of him
“These are the papers for the closing on the Inarizaki deal”
He picked them up and quickly skimmed it
“Okay, thank you. You may go now”
When you didnt move he looked back up
“Do you have something else for me?”
He saw the way you fidgeted with the tips of your fingers and his eyes softened for just a moment
“Would you like to have lunch with me?”
He knew that he should say no
That he shouldnt let you in
“Sure”
How harmful could one lunch possibly be
Little did daichi know he was about to be interrogated
“--no i dont know who my favorite superhero is”
This was probably the tenth question youve asked and he wished you would stop
But he didnt know how to tell you no
Not when you were asking genuine questions
He thought it was kind of nice to be talking to someone normal again
Not someone who was involved with the mafia
But someone who was just...ordinary
“Ok ok..one last question”
He smiled softly
You felt your breath hitch after him showing you that gentle smile
“Go ahead”
The way you talked to him with no filter was refreshing
So he wasnt expecting the next question really at all
“I came across an article the other day about this boy who loved playing the piano,”
Daichis heart almost stopped
“Why did you stop playing daichi?”
‘Because my father made me’
He clenched his fist, crumpling the napkin inside of it
“I just got bored of it”
His reply came out through gritted teeth and you knew he was lying
You gently laid your hand on top of his until you felt it relaxing under you
“Well, no matter the reason, I hope that someday ill be lucky enough to hear you play”
His heart melted
The thought of playing again is something hes always wanted
But his father wouldnt let him
And left a permanent reminder on him about it
“That probably wont ever happen so dont get your hopes up. Let’s get back to the office, lunch is over”
And just like that he was back to being cold towards you just when you thought you were making progress
A couple weeks go by and it seems like daichis pushed you out of his life all over again
So much so that suga was the one giving you assignments from daichi where daichi used to just tell you himself
“Hey, hinata, kageyama and y/n! Daichi wants you guys to go make some copies from the store around the corner. Printer is jammed here and we need to get those documents ASAP”
You all nodded your heads and headed out
You were really too caught up in your own thoughts to be thinking about your surroundings
Had you really crossed a line that day?
You just wanted to figure out the real daichi
Because to you, the real daichi had his walls up 24/7 but behind those walls was a gentle smile and just a guy who wanted nothing more than to just live a normal life
So you didnt notice when hinata and kageyama stopped causing you to run into their backs
“Why did you guys-”
Hinata held a protective arm out in front of you
“What are you doing here, mad dog?”
The boy you assumed was ‘mad dog’ pushed himself off of wall he was leaning against
“Boss wanted me to fetch something”
His eyes locked onto your form
“And im here to collect”
This sent chills down your back
What was he going to do for you?
Who was his boss?
Your mind was running a mile a minute
“y/n you need to run”
Hinata’s voice brought you back to reality
“What?”
Hinata’s eyes never left the man in front of him
“Kageyama and i will take care of him. You need to get back to the office. Now!”
You sprinted as soon as hinata yelled for you to leave
‘Theyll be alright, right? They handle stuff like this all the time’
But you came to an abrupt halt at the sound of a gun going off
‘Fuck my life’
You turned back around help in any way you could
Only to come upon an unconscious kageyama and bleeding hinata
“You fucking idiot! Whyd you come back?!”
Meanwhile mad dog approached you and placed his hand under your chin
“You just made my job a whole lot easier”
Before you could even scream a piece of cloth was placed over your mouth and your vision went black
“Give your boss a message for me, carrot top. Tell him that if he wants his intern back he has to come get them himself”
Hinata gritted his teeth before passing out himself
Suga found them not too long after that
And after hinata told daichi what had happened...he was livid
He was supposed to protect you
To make sure that you stayed safe
And he was too weak to do it
Too afraid of what his father would have done if he found out that he was fond of a random person they picked up from the streets that had no ties to them
Afraid of what his father would have done to you
He clenched his jaw and let out a grunt as he punched the wall next to him
But fuck that
He knew that in this moment he needed to get you back right now
The thought of you being injured due to his own incompetence scared him more than what his father might ever do to him
So he was off
“When will they wake up?”
“Theyve been out forever”
“Dude its only been like three hours of course theyre still out”
The voices around you became clear as you regained consciousness
“Oh~ looks like theyre finally awake”
“Yeah probably because you wouldnt shut up”
Standing in front of you was a group of men you had only seen in brief pictures from the reports you made for daichi
‘Seijoh’
From what you remember their boss is a major flirt and his right hand man keeps him humble
Mad dog was sitting off in the corner next to a brown haired man who just kept staring at you…’creepy’
You flinched as the one you recognized as their boss reached a hand out towards you
“Aww dont be scared! I promise i wont hurt you”
He bent down to your level with a hand on your shoulder and leaned in to the point that his breath tickled your ear
“Though im not too sure that some of the others here wont. So be good for me, okay y/n?”
You were scared out of your mind
But you were not going to let this guy get into your head
So you did what any reasonable person would do
You pulled your head back and headbutted him in the forehead
He stumbled back a bit
“Stay the fuck away from me”
Oikawa held his head and gave you a nasty glare
“Iwa take care of them”
Everyone filed out till it was just you and the spiky hair man in front of you
“Nothing against you, just doing what the boss said. Plus you could have just laid low but you had to provoke him”
Daichi wasted no time in getting to seijohs building
And as soon as oikawa heard he was in the building he sent for him
“Welcome daichi! What an unexpected surprise!”
Daichi always hated the sound of oikawas jovial voice
How fake it sounded
“Just give me y/n back”
Oikawa just shook his head 
“Never were a fan of small talk were you daichi? Okay, since youre just dying to see them ill bring them in now”
Daichi turned around and reeled at what he saw
Bruised and battered as you were set down onto the ground
“You fucking bastard”
Daichi clenched his jaw
He was at a loss of words for the sight in front of him
But he knew he had to get you out of here
So he scooped you up into his arms and headed for the door
But before leaving he stopped and spoke into his earpiece
“Get them”
And with that he left as a war ensued between the two gangs
Beep beep
The sound of your heart monitor brought you back to the land of the living
And next to you was a passed out daichi
You slowly felt around your bed before hitting the call button for your nurse
And as soon as you did daichi jumped up from his seat at the sound of footsteps approaching
You reached out and put your hand on his to get his attention and smiled at him
He sat back down and let the nurses tend to you, his gaze never leaving your body
“You should be able to leave within the next day or two. Rest up mx. l/n”
The nurse then left your room and left the two of you alone
You locked eyes with him before looking down at his hand and seeing how discolored it was
He noticed your eyes widen and tried to hide his hand once he realized what you were looking at
“Daichi! You need to take better care of yourself!”
You sat up from your bed and called a nurse to get a basic first aid kit
“Im fine y/n. You need to rest”
“Like hell youre fine! Daichi your hand is hurt. Please just let me fix it for you”
But before you could apply the bandages you hand your hand in his
“It cant be fixed y/n. This hand doesnt feel anything”
You looked up at him with confused eyes
“Its the reason i dont play anymore. My father crushed it a few years back so i wouldnt even think about playing. Said it was time i stopped playing with useless things”
The grip on your hand tightened a bit before slowly loosening
But you just gently squeezed it
“Well, even if your hand is ‘useless’ id still feel better if youd let me wrap it. Your hand is still a part of you and it can still bring so much joy into your life as well as those around you. You just have to have the courage to seize what you want.”
‘The courage to seize what I want’
Your words played out in his head over and over again
He made a promise to himself that day
That one day, you two would be happily together
No matter how hard this path may be
He was going to seize his happiness
Tag List:
@the-ironic-me​ @multisun​ @my-mass-hysteria​ @sugawsites @youbloodylegendyoudidit @sinthxy​ @celamoon​ @tinymouth @fait-de-fleurs​ @tsukifanbase​ @69owo​ @laglyssage​ @hearteyeskags​ @ntngann​ @shnnn​ @fukuro-dani-ace​
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blackfen · 6 years ago
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Split
(inspired by both @cockybusiness and @sheithpocalypse)
-
To say he was getting frustrated was the understatement of the century.
Curled up on his side, staring at the wall, a white hot fire burning in his belly, the smoke traveling up to his lungs and heart, where it settled into the delicate membranes as a sharp, steady ache, Keith tried to make his eyes close, tried to force his body to take that one crucial step towards actually being able to sleep but every time he left himself be engulfed in darkness, Shiro’s baffled expression – one with a hint of agitation around the edges, not enough that someone unfamiliar with him would be able to see but for Keith, it was as clear as daylight – floated up from the dredges of his mind, and he found himself, once again, infuriated to the point that he felt sick.
Behind him, the comm suddenly lit up, emitting a soft squeak that made him flinch. He glanced over at the clock. Right on fucking time. Groaning, he rolled over onto his back to glance over at it. When he saw the familiar name float up onto the screen, he immediately rolled back over, staunchly determined to ignore it. A couple squeaks later, and the thing went quiet. He was thrown into silence again, the only sound being the blood rushing in his ear. What was this? No, seriously, what the fuck was this? Was Shiro messing with him? Was that what this was? Some kind of sick joke? Keith forced himself to take a deep breath. No, no, he knew that wasn’t the case. Shiro would never do something like that…
He was just tired. There’d been a lot of stuff going on, and with this…bizarreness thrown into the mix, he’d been knocked all out of sorts. Right now, he just needed to get some sleep so that tomorrow he would be well rested, and thus would have an easier time just putting all of this out of his thoughts. Tomorrow, he would forget about all the strange calls, he’d forgot about Shiro’s annoyance and exasperation at something that Keith knew was happening but couldn’t explain or understand – he’d forget about all of it.
The comm lit up again, the same familiar squeak. Once again, Keith rolled over, took one look at the screen, and rolled back. Not tonight. He’d answered it every night that this had happened for the past month but not tonight. Whatever joke this was, whoever was playing this cruel trick on him, he’d had enough. No more. The comm went silent. Keith let out a long, heavy breath. Just as he was about to inhale, it lit up again.
And again.
And again, and again, and again.
By the sixth time, red was burning around the corners of his vision. Every muscle in his body was so tense that he was shocked his spine didn’t snap in half. Hurling himself up off the bed, he stomped over to the comm, slammed his hand down onto the answer button and snarled, “What?!”
“There you are.” Shiro’s soft, smooth voice, full of gentle warmth and happiness floated up from the speaker. On screen, his face was clearly visible. The same face he’d seen earlier in the day, looking at him with increasing annoyance, carefully hidden behind a mask of surprise, peered at him through the screen. Only this time, the gaze looking at him was disarmingly sweet. A slight smile tugged at the corners of full lips. There was a comfortable, open, honest look to the Shiro on the screen.
“Shiro, this isn’t funny.” Keith said coldly.
Thick eyebrows rose in surprise. Shiro cocked his head, and asked, “What’s not funny?”
“This!” Keith exploded, jabbing a finger at the screen.
“Keith, I don’t understand. Tell me what’s wrong.” Shiro said soothingly, “Did something happen?”
Scrubbing one hand over his face, Keith snapped, “Why did you lie to me?”
“Lied to you? When?” Shiro responded, sounding confused.
“You said earlier that we haven’t spoken in months!”
“When did I say that?”
“Earlier! When I called you, and asked why you always called me so late, you said we haven’t talked in months! Why did you lie to me? Why did you say that we haven’t talked when you’ve clearly been contacting me?”
Shiro stared at him for a moment, thick brows knit together over a concerned gaze. Speaking slowly, he said, “Keith, this is the first time I’ve contacted you today.”
“Stop-!” Raising up one fist to bring it down hard onto the comm station, Keith stopped short just before impact. Sucking in a deep, shaky breath, swallowing hard against the bile rising in his throat, his stomach a whirling mass of just nausea, Keith set both hands down onto the cool surface of the comm surface, focusing every ounce of his attention on that sensation, of the cold bite of the metal against his skin. He could feel his heart beating. There was a rush of noise in his ears as blood thundered through his veins. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this enraged. It must’ve been years ago, when Voltron was still actually a thing.
“Keith-“ Shiro began to say, obvious concerned laced through his soft voice.
“Don’t.” He coughed out, “Just don’t.”
Sitting down heavily in the nearby chair, covering his face with his hands, he waited until he felt like he could actually breathe again before asking, “Why did you lie to me?”
“Keith, I’m telling the truth. I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is the first time we’ve spoken since yesterday.”
“I talked to you earlier!” Keith exclaimed hotly, “You told me that we-“
“Keith.” Shiro said, “Baby, listen, you need to-“
Whatever he said next was lost to a barrage of cacophonous confusion. ‘Baby’…Shiro had…Shiro had just called him…’baby’. Why…why had Shiro called him ‘baby’? Shiro didn’t call him ‘baby’, Shiro called him Keith, why had Shiro called him ‘baby’?
…who the fuck was he talking to?
The thought had crossed his mind that this might be a huge, elaborate prank or some kind of enemy somewhere trying to trick him but he’d never given a whole lot of credence to the thought…until now that is. Sitting straight up, his anger cooling in response to what might be new found information that could explain this bizarre situation, Keith asked, “Are you really Shiro?”
“As far as I know.” Shiro chuckled, but the smile was quick to fade when Keith didn’t smile back. “Keith, what’s-?”
“Why’d you call me ‘baby’?”
“What?”
“Just a few moments ago, why’d you call me ‘baby’?”
Looking thoroughly confused by that point, Shiro glanced off to the side, almost as though he didn’t understand the question then looked back, and said slowly, “Because you’re my boyfriend?”
“…..huh?”
“Keith, what’s going on? Are you okay? Listen, maybe you should come home-“
“What the fuck are you talking about? Shiro, you’re married! You’ve been married for six years now!”
And now there was concern added into the obvious confusion, “Keith, we’ve been together for two years. We haven’t even broached the topic of getting married yet. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to-“
“Not to me! To Curtis!”
“Who? Keith, baby, is your Mom there? Can you go get her?”
If he got out of that chair, he was going to fall flat on his face. His head wasn’t just whirling, it was caught up in a goddamn tornado. Gawking, not even sure what to think at that point – if this was someone trying to trick him, they were doing a sorry fucking job of it. Boyfriend? They hadn’t seen each other in person in six years! They’d barely spoken in those six years! Shiro was married, not to him but Curtis, a man Shiro had only met once, and it was one the first fucking day of his life. The question stood be answer again, even though he didn’t have any information that could fucking answer it: what was this?! Who was this? Why did he look exactly like Shiro, talk like Shiro but ultimately, obviously, wasn’t fucking Shiro?
“Keith-“
“Just, stop. I can’t-“ Keith pushed his fingers through his mussed hair. It had to be a trick but if it was a trick, why would they use such an obviously fake story? Who in their right mind would actually think he’d fall for this? It was stupid, beyond asinine! This couldn’t be Shiro!
“Baby, please, look at me.”
“Stop calling me that!” Keith shouted, his head shouting up. Tears slipped out of the corners of his eyes. The reaction from Shiro was immediate. Eyes widening in shock and alarm, he jumped up from his seat, one large hand resting on the corner of the screen, staring up with a look that clearly said that he wanted to be there with him, to be right beside him…but there was millions of light years between them.
“Baby, baby, look at me, what’s wrong? Tell me what’s-“
Suddenly, Shiro’s voice stopped. The transmission was still ongoing but he went still, his expression suddenly slack, eyes completely blank. Letting out a sharp, hard breath, Keith leaned forward, his thoughts racing – was he finally going to see who was behind all this? Was the master mind behind this cruel, unfair prank going to be revealed, giving him a glimpse of whose face he was going to crush underneath the heel of his boot? -  then Shiro seemed to jerk back to life. Giving his head a hard shake, he pinched the bridge of his nose, blinked rapidly several times then slowly looked up.
“Keith?” He said groggily, “What are you? What’s going on?”
“Why’d you call me?” Keith asked softly.
“Call you? Keith, are you still on that? I told you, I haven’t called you.”
“You called me just now.” Keith snapped, suddenly angry all over again. “That’s why we’re talking. Shiro-“
“Keith,” Shiro sighed with obvious irritation, “I don’t have time for this. Curtis and I have a lot of stuff we need to get done tomorrow. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m telling you the truth: I have not called you.”
“Then why are we talking?”
“I don’t know, Keith.” Shiro replied tersely, then seemed to realize how harshly he was speaking. Sighing heavily, his shoulders slumping, Shiro brushed a hand through his short hair, and for the first time, Keith noticed how exhausted he looked, “I’ll talk to you later, Keith. Good night.”
With that, Shiro disconnected the transmission, leaving Keith staring at a blank screen. Sitting back in his chair, angry, confused and exhausted himself, the realization that this wasn’t a prank or a trick crept up from somewhere deep inside his mind. For one, the logistics of it just didn’t work. Two, he couldn’t fathom any reason to do this, other than to cause him torment and this was a little excessive, even for a lot of the enemies he’d made along the way. Three…well, instinct, something he learned to trust a long time ago. Anger, sadness and confusion had caused him to jump to a knee jerk assumption, one that was meant to hurriedly explain something incomprehensible. Now that the source of all those emotions had been removed, leaving him with a smoldering fire deep within the pits of his belly, he couldn’t think…semi clearly.
And it was obvious. That was Shiro…both of them. One was married to Curtis, and didn’t remember calling him during the middle of the night to talk like they’d use to before…before Allura sacrificed herself. The other…Keith’s heart twisted in agony…boyfriend, the other thought they were boyfriends and he was the one who called him. Two Shiros…existing in the same body. It felt like a huge jump to just assume that was the case but…what other explanation was there? None, as far as he could see. He’d even saw the switch, right in front of his very eyes! Shiro probably didn’t even realize it – that’s why he didn’t know he’d been making calls to him in the middle of the night.
“Two Shiros.” Keith mumbled, slowly standing up, the world tilting dangerously. Stumbling back over to his bed, he dropped down heavily, rolled back over onto his side, and curled up into a tight ball. This…this was information he never wanted. There was a Shiro who he used to be close to, who he watched get further and further and further away as their lives became radically different. There was a Shiro he watched walk down the aisle, into the arms of a man who wasn’t him. There was a Shiro who he could barely just talk to anymore – the awkwardness between them was so immense that, at times, he felt as though he was talking to a total stranger. That alone had almost been too much for him to bear, driving him to put even more distance between them so he wouldn’t have to deal with the agony of being an acquaintance after he had once laid bare everything, only to have it forgotten and left to fall into the white abyss of an unknown planet but now…
There was a Shiro who loved him, who called him ‘baby’, who said he was his boyfriend, and they’d been together for years. Yet, there was no relief, no sweetness, no joy to be found in that because this Shiro, an amalgamation of the real one, was hidden deep within the subconscious of a man he loved so much that the night he got married, Keith had spent the night bent over a toilet, vomiting up wave after wave of stomach acid until his throat bled. That…was beyond cruel. It didn’t matter who that Shiro was, what caused such a dramatic split between the two personalities or why this Shiro was in love with him while the other had married someone else, none of it mattered. All that mattered, in that one single solitary moment, was that for the second time, Keith had been given a glimpse of what it felt like to be loved by that man, only to have it ripped away, leaving him gasping for breath, halfway wishing he had never met him in the first place.
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2ptonpt · 6 years ago
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I was Happier with You
Masterlist
This work is technically part six of a seven part series based on songs from Ed Sheeran’s album, Divide. This chapter and “You Look Happier” can be read without the other chapters though.
Rami Malek x Reader
Word Count: 3,349
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Your original plan had been to stay with Camryn and Sebastian at their apartment, but they had gotten almost a year break between their filming schedules and you didn’t want to crash their long term vacation if you could help it. So you ended up crashing at Joe’s until the apartment you had your eye on opened up at the end of the current contract, but you never ended up moving out. Joe had been there to comfort you; understanding what it was like to have to walk away from someone you loved but could no longer keep yourself around. He understood there wasn’t a limit on how many tears needed to be shed; no limit on how long it takes to get over someone.
The funny thing was, it didn’t take you as long as you thought. Or at least, that’s what you told yourself. You quickly found yourself falling for Joe. He was hesitant at first about the whole situation, with still being decent friends with Rami. But after he noticed Rami keeping to himself after the split, he didn’t mind as much. Eventually Rami stopped asking about YN during their chats.
It was five months after you had moved in when the press had really started having a field day with your and Joe’s new relationship. You had been out together, seen holding hands and sharing sweet kisses only a few weeks after you moved in, but hadn’t really posted much on social media about it. You had started feeling more comfortable, so you’d taken a selfie of you and Joe lying in bed, hair messed up and clearly lacking clothes under the sheets pulled up to your chests.
@itsyagirlynn: Sunday mornin, rain is fallin @joe_mazzello :*
@joe_mazzello: You need to start sharing the covers.
@benhardy1: Thanks for stealing my man @itsyagirlynn. Whatever will I do now :”(
@mrgwilymlee: What am I, chopped liver?
@imcammystan: You guys are sickeningly cute. Give @imsebastianstan some pointers @joe_mazzello.
The comments from your friends had eased the butterflies in your stomach. You had finally stopped constantly thinking about the what-ifs and started thinking about your future. You had a great group of friends who had been there for you during this trying time. They had stuck up for you after small rumors had started circulating when you two had been seen out on your first public date at O’Reilly’s all those months ago.
Things were going splendidly, if you didn’t think about him. You couldn’t… because if you did, then it would just uncap all the heartbreaking feelings you had managed to bottle up and stuff way down deep. You were happy with Joe, and you loved him. Didn’t you?
@ighandle1: MOM WHYD YOU LEAVE DAD
@ighandle2: she didn’t wait long did she?
@ighandle3: bish a homie hopper. Git it.
@ighandle4: You guys are the definition of cute and we stan a beautiful couple.
@ramimalek liked your photo: Sunday Mornin, rain is falling –
@joe_mazzello: You guys are all just jealous. Sucks to be you!
@imcammystan: You eggrolls need to get a life! Whomever she chooses to love is her own damn business. You got a problem you can come to me you pigheaded baboons!!!!
@LucyBoynton: <3
Seeing the negative comments littered among the usual fanfare of your Instagram hurt you more than you would have liked, but you had come to accept that you would never be able to make everyone happy so you settled for just trying to make yourself happy. Five months quickly turned into almost a year. A year without Rami by your side… But a year with Joe. You were happier, weren’t you?
~*’*~*’*~*’*~
You’d been having a movie night. Friday you’d started a Marvel movie marathon off with Captain America: The First Avenger. Now it was Sunday evening and you’d started on Disney classics.
You hadn’t been paying attention as Joe had put in a new DVD from the entertainment center, but regretted letting him pick the next one. The opening scenes of Beauty and the Beast started playing on the large screen in front of you and you tried not to stiffen up. Joe mistook your stiffness for a cold spell and snuggle closer to you, wrapping the comforter closer around your bodies.
By the time the ballroom dance scene started you could feel a panic attack coming on. There was a slight flush to your cheeks and the hot sting of tears tickled your eyes. You tried to keep your breathing even so Joe wouldn’t notice you were getting upset. You started feeling your back muscles tense and shiver along your spine as Belle walked down the steps.
You had started counting the windows in the living room, breathing deep and even. Joe had tightened his grip around your shoulders, rubbing his hand along your bicep lovingly. You were counting the windows in the living room, cursing yourself for looking at the spots where the windows were in your and Rami’s apartment. Rami’s apartment… You nearly jumped when a large hand ran down your arm and gripped your clammy hand.
Joe effortlessly pulled you off the couch and into his arms. You closed your eyes as he softly pressed his lips to yours. You were mad at yourself as tears fell down your face. You pulled your lips away and rested your head on Joe’s shoulder. He chuckled deep in his chest and tightened his grip around you. You choked back a sob, but you knew Joe felt your body shudder as you hiccupped. As the last note of Tale as Old as Time played quietly, Joe leaned down and whispered in your ear. The roughness in his voice surprised you.
“You still love him.” You blew hot air out of your nose at Joe’s statement.
“Course I still love him – I always will, but that doesn’t mean- I’m happy with you. I love you, Joe.”
“I love you too, but you were happier with him.” You were both crying silently now, avoiding eye contact but clutching to each other tightly. Neither of you wanted to have this conversation, but deep down you both knew it needed to happen.
Joe had felt your panic attack coming on when the movie started. He’d had a knot in his stomach the whole film and didn’t want to bring up the conversation you needed to have. He loved you dearly and wouldn’t trade a moment of these last six months; but he couldn’t watch you rip yourself apart anymore. You still loved Rami. You missed him terribly. Joe would be damned if he was the reason that you two weren’t together. He was mad at himself for letting things get this far.
“Don’t beat yourself up, Joey. I let us happen too.” God it was like you could read his thoughts. He met your eyes and smiled solemnly. You both let out a soft laugh as you continued to sway softly, movie long forgotten.
“I’m sorry, YN.”
“I am, too.” You shared a chaste kiss before you continued your slow waltz for a few more minutes before pulling away. You both fell asleep in each other’s arms that night, savoring one more night together. Surprisingly, as you felt your lids drooping closed, focusing on Joe’s strong heartbeat beneath your head, you felt at peace with how things were closing between you and Joe.
~*’*~*’*~*’*~
A month after you had moved out of Joe’s and into the spare room of Cam and Seb’s condo overlooking Central Park, you still couldn’t bring yourself to get a hold of Rami. It wasn’t like you were far away- your old apartment and the Stan’s was only a couple blocks away from each other. Less than a ten minute walk at a casual pace. You found yourself walking the complete opposite direction each time you tried to go there.
You and Joe still hung out on the regular but had become public with the mutual split. Both of you were content with how you’d ended things and all your friends were- as always- supportive. The fans hadn’t stopped with tagging you and Rami in posts and comments over every platform about getting back together; while others kept tagging you and Joe together. The former had only posted once about how you two wouldn’t be reuniting in that manner and to stop bugging him about it. You hadn’t seen anything from Rami concerning the fan-fueled feud. You’d logged out of all your social media over a week ago and hadn’t logged back in.
You were reading out on the patio, deeply entranced in the printed words as the world buzzed on around you. It was the first week of May and you had all the doors and windows open in the apartment. A comfortable breeze was wafting through the air, carrying the scent of blooming flowers from the streets below.
Camryn and Sebastian were watching the live feed of the MET Gala. All three of you had been formally invited but you had declined, not being brave enough to chance running into Rami during one of the biggest televised events of the year. Cam and Seb had declined as well, not wanting to leave you alone at the apartment. Cam had tried to get you to attend but hadn’t succeeded and didn’t try to push it like she normally would. She knew you’d come around eventually.
You were interrupted from a rather exciting part of your book by Seb’s booming voice calling your name. You jumped and turned your head to face the man. He had changed his lounging position on the plush couch to sitting on the edge of the cushion, hands clasped together, elbows on his knees, vein almost too visible on his forehead. Cam popped her head over the kitchen counter where she had been making a snack for you all.
“YN, get in here now, I said!” The pleading tone in his voice was unnerving you. Camryn and you got to the living room at the same time. You cocked your hip and bit at your thumb nail as you watched the scene unfolding on the flat screen. Cam gripped your shoulder when she heard you inhale sharply.
You watched with bated breath as the camera closed in on a red-faced Rami trying to contain his anger towards the interviewer but failing horribly. His eyes were bugged out slightly and his lips were pursed tightly in a thin line. He was dressed in a black velvet tuxedo, looking like sex on legs – should be illegal, honestly. You blinked your eyes rapidly and redirected your attention to the conversation happening on the red carpet.
~*’*~*’*~*’*~
This was the second interviewer Rami had dealt with that had asked him about Joe and you splitting. He didn’t know what had happened between you two, but he knew that it was mutual and there were no hard feelings about it. Joe had told him that much after you had moved out, but had said he needed to talk to you for the rest of the story. This current woman though, she was really grinding his gears. She kept pressing about what occurred when you had left.
“You know what. I’m so sick and tired of you guys sticking your noses where they don’t fucking belong.” Rami didn’t even care that he was cursing on live TV. He was physically sick to his stomach about this whole thing. The woman looked shocked to say the least, she made a move to remove the microphone from in front of Rami’s face but he grabbed it and held it firmly. He didn’t wait to see if she’d pull away before he let go and continued with his rant.
“I’ve lost the best thing I ever had. Eight years. Eight years of loving YN and it’s all gone because of you god damned people. We were happy, you know?! We were about to get married, start a family. And it’s all gone now. It’s all fucking gone because you-” He stopped mid-sentence, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The woman held her hand up still, arm slightly shaking at the adrenalin of catching Rami’s raw, uncut rant on live TV.
Rami blinked the tears from his eyes before angrily wiping them off his face, not caring that he was close to sobbing on live TV. He looked down at his feet, letting the tears fall down to darken the red carpet below. It wasn’t the pap and media’s fault that he had lost you. It was his. He had so many chances to fix things, you had tried to fix it for six months and he had been too reserved about your relationship to make any type of statement about it. It would have been so simple…
“You know what-“ He smiled tightly, ignoring his tears, and threw his arms out to his sides, palms up.
“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry, you’re just doing your job. It’s my fault YN and I didn’t work. She knew the rumors weren’t true. She wasn’t ever worried about our relationship. That’s not what led to her leaving me. It was the simple fact that my dumb ass wouldn’t stick up for us to all of you and dispel the rumors. And I didn’t. I didn’t stick up for the best thing that has ever happened to me. And that’s on me. It’s all on me. And now I can’t fix it.” Rami had stopped crying. A melancholy look graced his trouble face now. He had finally admitted it out loud instead of in the dark, lonely confines of his troubled mind.
He didn’t wait for the reporter to say anything before he backed away and ran up the carpeted steps, ignoring the other cameras, reporters, and guests. He walked calmly to the bathroom where he composed himself for a few minutes before heading to his table.
~*’*~*’*~*’*~
You stood, mouth agape, staring in bewilderment at the TV screen, which has changed to a commercial now. Cam’s hand left your shoulder for a moment before poking you with your ringing phone. You didn’t even glance at the caller ID as you took it and answered. Your hands were shaking as you held the phone close to your ear. Joe’s excited voice filled your eardrum.
“YN are you watching the MET!? Rami, he just – “
“I know. I’m watching right now.”
“YN you need to go there. Like now. This is your chance!” Joe was talking so loud Cam and Seb could hear him through the earpiece. You glanced at the couple and widened your eyes as they frantically nodded their heads in agreement with Joe. As you stood silently in shock, your phone started vibrating with text message notifications.
“Yeah.” You hung up before Joe could say another word of encouragement. You turned slowly towards your closest friends only to find them missing from the living room. You blinked slowly and tried to gather your thoughts about how you were going to confront Rami.
What should you wear? When should you leave? What should you say? You were shaken from your thoughts as Sebastian stuffed your wallet into your hands and Camryn shoved you onto the couch. She started slipping your tennis shoes on your feet as Sebastian threw a lightweight jacket to you. They pulled you up and led you to the front door. You looked down at your capri leggings, tank top, tennis shoes, and thin jacket. Your frantic eyes stared up at your friends.
“What should I even-“
“Anything babe, literally anything that comes to mind. Just say something for fucks sake, YNN.” Seb nodded his head in agreement to Cam’s answer.
“What she said.” With that, they shoved you out the front door.
~*’*~*’*~*’*~
Rami barely made it through the opening speeches or appetizers before he excused himself to the bathroom. He carefully splashed cold water over his face before toweling off and making his decision. He was going to stop acting like a pussy, man up, and go after you. The Stan’s apartment was maybe fifteen minutes away if he jogged. He knew you’d be there. He didn’t say goodbye to anyone, and didn’t see anyone on the front staircase as he walked out. He was temporarily blinded by the unexpected flash of the pap cameras as he opened the doors.
When his vision cleared he nearly choked at you standing below him at the bottom of the limestone steps, news media vans and paparazzi surrounding you behind the velvet ropes. You had your hair up in a bun that was falling out haphazardly, with leggings and a jacket that he had bought you a couple years ago when you were camping at Port St. Joe in Florida.
You didn’t really know what to expect once you had gotten to the MET, but Rami almost falling out of the front doors was not one of the scenarios that played out in your head. You still were trying to compose some sort of comprehendible sentence as he ran down the steps two at a time, arms out to his sides for balance. As he neared you, your vision blurred as tears threatened to escape. You saw his green eyes glisten as well. He came to an abrupt halt in front of you, mouth agape, and hands hanging awkwardly at his side.
“That suit is a sin.” Your eyes widened in horror and shock as you realized you had said exactly what Cam had told you to- the first and only coherent thought that had come to your mind. Rami’s glistening eyes widened a bit. His mouth hung open slightly, not quite sure how to reply to that.
“Oh my God, I’m sorry Rami. Cam said just to say anything because I needed to say something and ever since I saw you earlier on TV that was what stuck.”
“You saw that? Earlier I mean… On the red carpet?” Rami’s eyes downcast to his shoes, kicking an invisible pebble. You tentatively grabbed both his hands and brought them to your chest, covering them with your own. Rami made eye contact with you when he felt how fast and erratically your heart was beating. It matched his own.
“Yeah. I don’t know what to say. I think I’m still in shock to be honest.”
“Yeah, me too… I- I was leaving to come find you.”
“You were?”
“Yeah… listen YN, I meant everything I said earlier. I didn’t know you’d be watching I swear. I miss you and need you and I don’t even know how I’m still functioning without you. I didn’t want to try to get a hold of you when you were with Joe. You two looked so happy. So much happier than we had been those last few months before I fucked it all up and let you walk out.” He took a breath and you stole a chance to interject, hoping that it would get your point across that you just wanted to forget this all ever happened.
“I was happier with you. It’s always been you.” You both shared a tear filled wide smile before Rami continued.
“I don’t know how or what I can do to make it up to you but I am begging you to give me another chance.” Rami started to kneel down, and at the slight roar of the unwelcomed audience behind you, you pulled him up into your arms and kissed him sloppily on the lips before pulling away.
“You already did make it up to me. It’s all I’ve ever wanted is for you to just stick up for what we have to everyone. Even if they don’t mean anything to us. You don’t have to beg for me, you never lost me. Not really.” You both were crying openly now, the paps and news cameras long forgotten. Rami cupped your face in his large hands and kissed you deeply.
“I love you baby. I love you so much.”
“I love you too Rami. More than anything.”
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saportuh · 7 years ago
Text
ok panic concert highlights
(plus some personal adventures)
this was the portland show on the 12th k
so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic
we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)
so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit
befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.
we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH
THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;
OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS
arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.
HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha
ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair
“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time
k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v
SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 
her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be
during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)
most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional
then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk
THEN PANIC CAME OUT 
WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH
KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE
THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR
ok several things about breb
one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds
two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.
three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 
four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity
ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol
HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao
i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)
hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals
and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty
nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao
golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die
k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do
I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE
during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it
SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK
speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose
he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM
sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao
o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life
AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn
RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING
legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH
also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw
the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh
but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was
ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk
fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was
once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 
legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 
i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.
also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.
OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG
he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds
G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS
AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE
breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.
after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;
also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl
nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)
ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao
anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful
he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo
NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY
drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit
fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop
there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 
UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell
the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now
lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy
during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb
at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS
FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.
a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful
THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN
i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho
I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS
BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE
bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch
SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 
in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass
my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???
us: W H O R E bden: ily
VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO
they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live
he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;
i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic
oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 
he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao
CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;
so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao
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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago
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Fateful night: a young woman is dead, her Tinder date charged with murder
New Zealand tourist Warriena Wright met up with Gable Tostee in fun-loving Surfers Paradise. A few hours later she plunged 14 storeys to her death
Warriena Wright was visiting the Gold Coast in Australia when she matched on Tinder with Gable Tostee. They met up in the popular tourist nightspot of Surfers Paradise on a Thursday night and bought a six-pack of beer after spending a few minutes in a pub.
By the end of the date Wright was dead, having plunged 14 storeys from the balcony of Tostees apartment, and two years later he is on trial in Queenslands supreme court charged with her murder.
The case centres around a 199-minute mobile recording made by Tostee which captured the fractious and ultimately fatal course of the pairs evening together, including the moment Wright fell to her death.
It is the key piece of evidence in the supreme court trial of Tostee, 30, who was standing on the other side of a locked glass door the moment Wright fell.
And the recording is cited by the crown as demonstration of his guilt, and by the defence as vindication of his innocence.
The pair had met that night, 7 August 2014, after making contact via Tinder a week earlier.
Wright, 26, from New Zealand, was in Australia to attend a friends wedding as part of a two-week vacation that included skydiving and a room in a hotel in Surfers Paradise, near where Tostee lived.
CCTV shown to the court captured their meeting on Cavill Avenue in Surfers Paradise, where they exchanged a hug.
They went to a pub but stayed only a few minutes before deciding to head back to Tostees apartment nearby, stopping at a bottle shop to buy a six-pack of beer.
Inside the apartment, Tostee says they later had sex in his bed.
Warriena Wright and Gable Tostee pose for photos together on the balcony of his 14th floor Surfers Paradise apartment. Photograph: Supplied
They then went out to his balcony where they posed for photos together, Wright pulling faces, Tostee standing beside her bare-chested.
Wrights last contact with family was a Facebook message to a sister, in which she reports having found a man who was the Australian answer to Sam Winchester, the Supernatural TV actor.
At 1am on 8 October, unbeknown to Wright, Tostee pressed record on a mobile phone in his pocket. He wouldnt turn it off until 199 minutes later. By then Wright was dead.
Tostee, having left the building via a basement carpark but still apparently unaware of her fate as police milled around the building, had called his father who urged him to contact a leading criminal lawyer. He had then eaten a pizza.
The crown case is that Tostee, who had locked Wright out on the balcony after their night had deteriorated into verbal and physical altercations, had left Wright in such a state of fear and intimidation that she felt compelled to flee.
When Wrights attempt to climb down from the balcony went horribly awry, Tostee was thus responsible for her death, the prosecution contends.
The prosecutor, Glen Cash, told the court in his opening address that at the very least Tostee meant to cause Wright grievous bodily harm, causing her to flee, resulting in her death.
Cash said Tostees recording captured a moment where sounds were consistent with him choking or strangling Wright. She pleaded to be allowed to go home before repeatedly screaming no as he shoved her on to the balcony and shut the door.
Defence lawyers for Tostee, who has pleaded not guilty, deny any attempt by Tostee to strangle Wright.
His barrister, Saul Holt, has told the court that Tostee used reasonable force to subdue Wright, who had grown increasingly erratic while drinking heavily. She had taken to randomly, with no apparent provocation, hitting Tostee, threatening violence, throwing ornamental rocks one of his interior decorations at his head and hitting him with the clamp of his telescope.
Holt argued that Tostee, after tackling Wright to the floor and forcing her on to the balcony, put them both in a position of safety by shutting the door.
Tostee was entitled to lock the door on someone who was violent and disorderly, Holt submitted.
Gable Tostee arrives at the supreme court in Brisbane on Friday. Photograph: Dan Peled/AAP
She is outside, he is inside and he has caused a locked door to be between the two of them, Holt told the court.
What happened in this case is nothing like murder or manslaughter. It doesnt fit.
Holt said the fact that the critical part of the evening was recorded on Tostees phone meant there was very little in dispute between the crown and the defence apart from the allegation about choking her, which was in absolute dispute, and his culpability for her death.
The audio recording, which was discovered by police on a Sony Xperia phone they found in Tostees fathers car, has been released by the court.
It captures an early morning conversation awkwardly traversing topics from architecture to religion, as James Blunt and Kanye West play in the background.
The talk is punctuated by Tostees occasional cries of Ow! as Wright punches him. He tells her to chill and have a drink.
You love beating me up like a Kiwi, Tostee says. Wright tells him she beats people up all the time.
Tostee quips that he will end up looking like a piece of tenderised meat if she keeps hitting him.
She asks him if he can tell her mother shes not a loser. She talks about her dog that died, her belief in justice and the afterlife.
Tostee says: We die. Thats it. Throw me off the balcony. He talks of three things that are really good on this Earth: food, sleep and sex.
He says there are no gods. She says: Ive seen stuff though.
Wright tells him: I am going to go vampire on your arse.
Tostee yells Ow! again. Hes still laughing. Wrights speech starts to lose its coherence. She shouts Forrest Gump repeatedly, then Im a ninja its not funny. More cries of Ow! from Tostee.
She goes to leave and he asks her if she wants him to walk her back to her apartment. The music stops and Wright asks where her belongings are. Tostee offers to call her mobile phone. She accuses Tostee of stealing her phone and handbag and an argument breaks out.
Wheres my fucking shit? I will fucking destroy your jaw. Its not fucking funny. Im going to call the police.
Tostee says: I should have never given you so much to drink. I thought we were going to have fun. I dont deserve this shit. Im a nice fucking guy.
Tostee finds her phone and calm returns. Wright says she has money in NZ and gets taken advantage of.
Tostee asks her: Do you even remember what you were doing to me half an hour ago? You were beating me up for no reason. You thought it was funny.
He suggests she sit down for a second so we can discuss.
Ive met some weird people off Tinder. Im the most tolerant person in the world, he said.
Wright says she would help anyone in need. Tostee says shes a bit violent though.
Wright talks about taking a look out the window, and Tostee tells her: Dont jump off or anything.
Wright shrieks help in a mock high-pitched voice, adding that shes only joking. Tostee tells her the men in white coats are coming.
Youre kind of mental, but in a really cute way, he tells her.
Wright goes to the bathroom and Tostee whispers into his phone: God help me. Shit.
Wright returns. Slurring her words, she begins whispering to Tostee about Sam, later exhorting him to: Bow down to Sam.
He yells Ouch then Ill bow down.
That signals Tostees apparent switch from annoyance to anger.
He tells her: Thats more than enough. Youve worn out your welcome. Youre not my kind of girl. You have to leave.
The balcony of Gable Tostees 14th floor Surfers Paradise apartment. Photograph: Dan Peled/AAP
In Tostees account, his tackling of Wright to the floor of the apartment follows her striking him with a telescope.
The prosecution claims that is when the sound consistent with Tostee choking Wright can be heard, which he denies.
You are lucky I havent chucked you off my balcony, you goddamn psycho little bitch, he says.
Who the fuck do you think I am? Yeah, do your muay thai now.
Wright, her mouth sounding muffled, says he is sexist.
Im the one whos injured. You dont have a goddamn scratch on you, Tostee says.
I thought you were just playing around. But youre psycho. Goddamn psycho.
Im going to let you go, Im going to walk you out of this apartment just the way you are. Youre not going to collect any of your belongings or anything, youre just going to walk out and Im going to slam the door on you. You understand? If you try and pull anything Ill knock you out. Ill knock you the fuck out.
Tostee tells Wright to get up.
Im sorry, Wright says.
I dont care. Get up, Tostee says.
Tostee, apparently still restraining Wright, tells her over and over: You dont understand do you?
You think you can hit me and I just fall down like in the movies?
Wright tells him repeatedly to Let go.
Tostee: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Wright: No, no, no, no
Tostee: You trying to kill me, huh? Whyd you try and hit me with that, huh?
Wright is screaming no over and over again.
This is all on recording you know. Its all being recorded, Tostee says.
Wright pleads: Just let me go home.
Tostee says: I would but youve been a bad girl.
The glass door clicks shut and Wrights screams fade. Tostee sighs. Less than 20 seconds pass when Wright screams as she slips from the balcony rail.
Tostees barrister, Holt, in his opening address on Monday, told the jury the moment when the screaming Wright was being locked on the balcony was a horrible one to listen to because you know what comes next.
But the recording contained a sequence of events that would bear out his clients innocence of her murder, Holt argued.
It really is, all in the recording, he said.
The trial continues.
Source: http://allofbeer.com/fateful-night-a-young-woman-is-dead-her-tinder-date-charged-with-murder/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/26/fateful-night-a-young-woman-is-dead-her-tinder-date-charged-with-murder/
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21yroldmeesh · 8 years ago
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back again 7/20/17
iit’s been a year since i have written in this blog and dang it’s kind of heartbreaking to read the “ty” post. i mean ima just be open cause i’m sure as hell people don’t even know about this blog anymore L O L i have 0 followers L O L 
things on the agenda: dan, guy who drove me to va, my first and last hookup
me and dan actually broke up over a month ago (6/16/17... i have a particular thing for dates) and it’s been a weird experience.  i literally thought we were going to get married. you can talk to someone for 5 yrs almost everyday and it only takes a day to become strangers. actually you can get close to a stranger. we’re worse than strangers. with us, it’s best to spend some time apart because if we start talking, we don’t even know what we want from each other. like, we actually have such good chemistry but too much has happened too much pain too many lies. it’s one big clusterfuck. i don’t normally curse but i’m going to curse a lot in this post future michelle. i was willing to live in the boring ass town of ann arbor, michigan and i would have been perfectly happy for simply just being with you and being loved by you. i had so much love for you. your fungus feet, your crackly white tongue, you never brush your teeth, everything weird dumb annoying about you just stopped being that and it was “normal” anyways,
i decided to write again because for the past week, my mind has been all over the place and i think my friends are getting annoyed of hearing me out so here i am.
that night, i tried convincing him that id be able to forget about all that he has done. i was crying. i thought it was so fucking unfair man. whenever he lied to me and i’d try to break up with him, he always held on to me and i am a push over... i gave in every time. that day, we fought and yes, i said let’s break up but i told him i didn’t mean it. and then he just brought up how even though i didn’t mean it, everything i said was right and that we arent good for each other. he kept saying this was for us. we didn’t make each other happy. bull shit. i made u so happy. u were only “not happy” when i wanted u to be mature. i mean this is a memory i want to erase from my head so im not going to go into it. but i just felt so hopeless like you just tied up my arms and i couldnt do anything. i asked you to let me hold on to you ONE time because i let you do that with me. and you just wouldn’t budge. do u know how that made me feel? i felt like everything was my fault. if i didnt bring up anything, we would have still been together. we were doing amazing. you opened up to me for the first time literally the day before we broke up and damn everything just happened so fast. you made me feel like i was the type of person who didn’t let myself be happy.
well, the first night i was completely miserable and suicidal. i don’t even know how i survived but i did. for the first two weeks i cried my damn heart out. i let myself feel pain. i didn’t touch alcohol at all until i knew i was ready to not emotional vomit while drunk. i went in my car, blasted music as loud as i can, sobbed for thirty minutes until i was exhausted and came back home. once you hit rock bottom, you got to come up right? i couldnt be alone. i was always with friends. what the fuck was the MCAT right (ugh) i did this multiple times and i think by the third week, i was feeling pretty good and realized you and i weren’t good for each other. actually, correction, we weren’t good for each other because you weren’t willing to be. i guess i just wasn’t worth it to you anymore. well, correction, i didn’t give necessarily my all either. breakups are never on one person. you just lied to me way too much and i just couldn’t trust you 100%. i said i forgave u but i never really did, did i ? what is relationship without trust. it’s surprising how we even lasted this long. well, its because of our chemistry. whyd you have to go fuck it up dan. you and i had such a good connection LOL maybe u can have that connection with others but im just picky af LOL
actually, i haven’t thought about you dan for a very long time. i sound pretty hung up on you still up there but i’m not. something just happened recently which i will go into later 
but actually i have not thought about you at all. its funny because ive been telling haram “who the fuck is daniel am i rite” hahaha its been fine for me. ill be sad but now i can be alone and just deal with it. im doing really well. when i was dating you, for some crazy reason, i thought i couldn’t be without you. why the hell did i think that? like i went through my darkest times without you and survived every single bit of it. why did i ever think i ever NEEDED u in my life? i havent felt depressed since we broke up. isn’t that the craziest? i never have suicidal urges like i did while dating you. im never sad for too long. im just doing me. being with friends. being with awesome people. meeting new people. and yeah i miss you, but damn i think the emotional roller coaster and the clusterfuck of lies (like you telling susan in MAY THAT U LOVE HER?!!?!?!) just made me like dumb and made me believe i just couldn’t let u go. love is insane. and i am insane. michelle in love. there is no logic in it whatsoever. i’m just the type of person to just give it all she got u know? fucking cheat on me, i’ll be here. fucking take my money, i’ll be here. i think id peace the fuck out for animal abuse doe. but anything else is pretty much game.
but yeah i am no longer that person. i am so special and cool to deal with that LOL im actually not a bad catch. i realized i am going to run far far away from someone who lies to me. it’s just not worth it. i love you. i loved you but damn i just kind of miss u as a best friend. nothing romantic anymore. i just miss talking to u and talking shit with u but you can beg for me back, and it is a huge no from me. also i really respect u stepping up with coco while im not in ann arbor. ur just a bad boyfriend. i always knew that tho and i still went in for it. none of that anymore LOL fck that for real. like i wanna be friends with u just so we can hang out. im not the same person anymore LOL and i just think we would really get along now LOL 
when u said you couldn’t give me a ride i was upset but not really? i just understood. it wouldn’t have been good for us and last week, i don’t think i was ready to be in a car ride with u for that long even when i thought i was. looking back, i think it would have set me back a lot. thanks for making the best decision for us. you were always able to do that, i cant hahaha
but yeah anyways, this guy who i talked to for three days kind of offered to give me a ride. correction, we talked for two and then like he just decided to do that for me. very impulsive but i mean i get it, so am i
as we were talking, i realized we were way too similar to even have any romantic attraction. like, i know he did because i think he saw that as a good thing. but everyone else and me later on, realized, similarity for michelle kim is not the best. she needs excitement, passion, and just someone different for her fire. we were similar so we could have been good friends but i think i realized we couldn’t be more than that when he just started coming off too strong. idk, five days in of talking, he was just telling me don’t fool around with other guys and just like telling me to enjoy my single time while i can and it was very overwhelming. not to mention he dated a girl who actually became pretty closely to me recently and i actually really dig her so that was just a final like nope cause it wasnt worth it at that point. 
so i get to ny and im having all these realizations about the guy who drove me to va while im out with my friends. as im getting all these “boyfriendy” texts im like nope nope nope nd telling my friends i think i have 0 feelings for this guy now. 
next thing you know, my first and last hookup walks over to my friend asks her to smoke and he tells her he thinks im cute. i mean i didnt even know until like round 3 or even until he told me the next day. but yeah we just made quick eye contact and that was it. he joins us for round 2 and dang he is hot as fuck LOOL ok well maybe its cause i literally haven’t seen a guy that hot in a while. L O L like i always liked skinny tall guys. but he was like tall and fit?? like wtf?? LOL it just took me off guard and he was showing interest and i was just suuuuuupppppper drunk so we just went home to my airbnb. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I MADE OUT it was so crazy. like i dont think he believes me because he knew i wasnt a virgin but then i told him i never made out before so he was like so confused but didnt ask me questions cause i guess he just thought i was lying?? idk man. but ya we didn’t do anything except make out and when it got hot and heavy i was just like yo u want pjs and then told him lets just go to bed
l o l 
and hes like a super big gentleman 
he kind of didnt want to leave cause hed say stuff like ill leave when u go out. ill leave when u tell me to leave and i was like “ok u should leave now” and idk how but he just kind of stayed
and then he ordered food and idk we talked about his mom and my mom and we played this dumbass creepy game that we literally made up called black mirror black mirror idk man it was super fun and he even pretended like gdragon, hes a complete clown and i love clowns LOL but yeah he left and i went with my day, saw jane and joohee, came home and he texts me. hes like aksing to hang out and im like yeah if we dont get white girl wasted. 
we meet at one of my fave places beauty and essex. it was awk at first because i did not expect it to be like a bar bar since i came during dinner time last time. but we ended up having a lot of fun and it was good. we tried going to fat buddha but line was too long and one thing led to another, he came over my house and we just kind of made out and i d k what happened but i was suppppppppppper drunk LOL like more drunk than last night that i was dropping my phone in the uber and i was a mess but we ended up having “sex” it was just super fast and weird man. he just felt so diff from dan so i felt really out of it but the other guy finished and i think alc was also hindering his performance and it was just a clusterfuck. we just ended up going to bed. next morning, i know he got into super big trouble with his mom and i felt really bad about that. and then he left. i went to va. he texted me saying have a safe trip and that it was a super fun weekend and yeah that was that. 
im starting to realize i fucking like this guy LOL i mean i prob dont but i thought and think i do u know. im just not the type to do this and i feel like he got the worst image of me LOOL yeah my friends were like michelle ur not the type of person to just have one night stands cause one ima fall in love with them and two ur just not the type
idk i just lost myself from being in nyc
nyc is like the root of all probs 
love that place but still crazy
and ya i think hes kind of cute but i also know hes not really down since im in mich and all so ya ohwellz we’re only 21
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