#i think i see more in canon alina than most people do skdjhgjgjf also it might be an age thing of when you first read them? bc the mal plot

[nicollekidman]

Hi the same anon again. Sorry for the repeat messaging but I refuse to actively engage in this batshit fandom and you’re actually managing to be normal about stuff, and I’ve been thinking about contrasting interpretations of Alina. Because in my initial read through I accepted her ending, and felt that it fit her character. And I always see people say that it’d have fit her character to remain in power. And I honestly think that dissonance ultimately comes down to the weakness (or strengeth depending on how you want to look at it) of Alina as a defined character in the books. Like she definitely has some sort of personality but her motivations feel all over the place. Because if you go in with the understanding that the Darkling and Nikolai and the people of ravka were all putting pressure on her to be good and pure and saintly and a font of power and an equal in every measure except in will and a figurehead and so on and so forth and the belief that by crossing the line and perverting her power by using merzost, they became a burden, it makes Sense that she’d give up her powers and quietly run an orphanage with Mal because Mal was the only one to see her through all of it and stick around (even if he was a bit of an ass abt it sometimes) and that she’d leave behind her name because the people of Ravka Did need their sun saint and it’d be cruel to rip their faith from them like that. But if you go in with the understanding that wanted this power and that the Darkling was offering her a way (abort twisted way) to more and that she could’ve done it her own, much better way, it becomes a different story

i really should be working instead of answering this skdfjgh but i think it's kind of like...... are you looking at alina through the lens of what all these men are offering her/see her as, or are you more into her POV about these relationships. and really it's exactly what deah said, that you "ship" her with who would fit what you want alina to be, because so much of her is left unfulfilled in Possibilities. but i also think i felt like she was a pretty consistent and interesting character for me from the drop, the only complaint i had was how much she and mal mooned over each other but that made sense to me!

because personally for me as i was reading, her connection to mal feels very much like her connection to keramzin and childhood and simple times - she likes who she is around him (good, uncomplicated, half of a pair) but she also...... was starved and weak during her childhood and saw mal as shelter. PLUS what no one ever talks about (jk i only know three people who even blog about this) is that...... mal was an amplifier too!!!!! leigh brushes over that complication and what it means for their feelings/free will WAY too quick. i think mal sees in alina what he wants her to be and she thinks she should want that too. but if you see alina's journey as a girl who wants peace and belonging and stability, ending up powerless and married off in the forrest makes sense. but for me, mal feels like the past, and not the future.

i think the darkling sees more of alina's Self than he typically gets credit for, and that's where a lot of alina's fear comes from, PLUS i also do NOT buy the ending justification that the power was never hers to take and that giving it up for the good of the country was somehow not a complete devastating loss for her. for me, the darkling has a clear agenda in HOW she uses her power, but he does ultimately see alina in a way no one else is able or willing to do.... she is a grisha and her power makes her whole - she spends the whole trilogy pushing against the darkling as Villain while having a singular vision of exactly the same thing as he does (morozova, power, them together). neither of them have any use of the Sankta outside of how it helps their separate agendas, and both have valid reasons for staying away from each other, and neither can. i just think if you take an orphan who has been weak and appetiteless her whole life, then give her the power to summon the sun and a whole heap of desires she's never felt before, that's going to unleash a whole new path that deserves to be explored. and even if alina wanted to go back to her old life, the LOSS should've been felt.

once i finish soc i want to go into inej/the sol koroleva more because i think if the books had lingered past the final confrontation with the darkling, alina's position as saint would've been the number one most impactful element of her life, especially as she outlived everyone who knew her and thus became even more enshrined in mythos and belief.

ANYWAYS! i think i just view alina fundamentally as someone who willingly shut away a huge part of herself in the darkness for the majority of her life so she could be warm and protected and simple, and once she embraced the power, there was no going back for her. idk how you can look inside yourself and say "sorry i kept you waiting" and then give that all up and not feel the emptiness. i think canonically she would've been happiest dying with the darkling, but barring that, i think she'd always have a hunger and a desire for More, whether it be off on a ship exploring more of the maps she used to fill out, or ruling grisha and pushing her powers to see what could be done with small science (and merzost). i'm interested in the darkling as his own character and being outside of alina (which i can't say for any of the others) but if we're using different ships as a way to illustrate our ideal paths for alina.... i would just want her to look forward and not back, without having to burn part of herself away.