#i think i missed a few in the last 14 eps but they weren’t there as much / at all so whatever

[loveheartzz]

attack on titan - s1 ep15

[halsteadshailey]

So you are seeing someone?

upstead fluff/angst one shot

Hailey meets someone while working with the FBI in New York but when she comes home to her partner, her best friend, how long will that relationship last?

can also be read on wattpad or ao3

——

set at the beginning of s8 after hailey gets back from ny (i’m going with hailey being in new york for 4 weeks bcos i’m not sure if they ever told us how long she was supposed to be there but i know tracy she was supposed to be in more fbi eps but cldnt bcos of corona , sorry if this is wrong)

*slight language*

——

For the first couple of weeks that Hailey had been out in New York to work with the FBI, her and Jay had FaceTimed religiously. In the morning on the way to work, whenever they could both catch a break at the same time, and on their drives home, most importantly though, once they were both home and settled. It was as close to ‘their thing’ they could get after a long day of work while separated by hundreds of miles.

After about 14 days, Jay was starting to notice something different about Hailey, they were calling less, even her texting game was off. She was starting to be busy more frequently in the evenings and her texts had become rare, short and sweet.

On the Wednesday evening of her third week away, Jay decided to bring it up while they were on FaceTime.

“Hey what’s been going on over there?” he questioned “I feel like we haven’t talked in ages”

Hailey’s brows furrowed a little as she struggled to think of what to say, anything to say to avoid Jay finding out about Liam, she wasn’t ready to tell him and definitely not over the phone when she wasn’t even sure how serious things were.

“Yeah, sorry about that, we’ve had lots of tough cases, I’ve been working late” she said.

Her partner knew she wasn’t telling the truth, he could always tell. However, he didn’t want to push, it wasn’t worth it after the long day that he’d had and he knew that Hailey would tell him whatever it was when she wanted to so he settled on saying:

“Don’t work yourself too hard” with a chuckle.

The two spoke for a little bit longer after that, Jay telling Hailey about all the weird things Kev and Adam have been up to and Hailey realising how much she misses her Intelligence family, not that she would ever tell Jay that.

A few days passed and all the interaction that the detectives had had with one another was through text, but when Saturday came around Jay needed to change that.

It was around 10:30pm when he shot her a text:

‘Hey, I know it’s late but I just got home from a tough case and was wondering if you’re free to call?’

Luckily for him, Hailey replied to Jay’s text only a few minutes later by calling him.

“Hey how are you?” she said when she saw that her partner had connected to the call.

“I’m ok, just needed to do our thing i guess” the emphasis Jay put on the ‘our thing’ was slight, but it was there. “How are y-“ he paused.

“What?”

“You’re wearing make-up, you never wear make-up, am I interrupting something? A date?” Jay teased.

Without thinking, Hailey replied with “As a matter of fact, you texted me just before dessert so it was actually perfect timing”

Jay froze, trying to process that words that he just heard. It’s not like he thought that Hailey wasn’t allowed to go on dates, he didn’t own her. But he was jealous, a lot more jealous that he would care to admit. Deep down he knew that it was his fault, he’d had feelings for Hailey for a long time and didn’t do anything about it because ‘nothing good comes out of a workplace romance’ or whatever bullshit he had told himself.

“Was it not going well? If you wanted to get out of there before dessert I mean” he clarified.

“No, no, it was going great. I just meant it made an ok place to stop so I could check on you” she responded.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have left, if I had known I wouldn’t have texted” Jay said, in an attempt to clear the air. Their conversation had become quite stale and neither of them were willing to accept that it was just awkward.

“Jay, stop” Hailey said, causing her partner to crack a small smile. “If you need to talk to me after a bad case, that’s the only place I want to be. I’m always here for you, even when we’re this far away” the last part was delivered with a bit of scorn.

“Thanks Hailey, and you too” he said, lifting a little bit of weight off both of their shoulders as they began to flow back into normal conversation.

Another week had passed and Hailey had told Jay a little more about Liam, but only if it came up in conversation so currently all he knew was his name and his job and what his coffee order is (he’d heard Hailey getting it for him while they were on FaceTime). She quickly realised that Jay didn’t enjoy listening to her talk about him so she tried to keep it lowkey.

During her last few days in New York, Hailey and Liam came to the mutual decision that they wouldn’t take the relationship any further. They had a lot of fun while it lasted but they both knew that long distance relationships were a lot of effort and with the jobs they had, it would just but impractical.

While she was waiting in the airport for her flight back to Chicago, Hailey found herself saddened by the fact that her and Jay hadn’t texted or called for a couple of days so she opened her phone, pulled up Jay’s contact and called it.

No answer, so she texted.

‘About to board my plane, just wanted to check in’

Jay sent a response quickly.

‘Sorry, deep in a case. Have a safe flight, text me when you land’

She decided to shrug it off but Hailey knew something wasn’t right.

The journey felt like years but after her flight and a taxi ride home, Hailey was finally back in her own apartment in Chicago. It was 2am when she arrived so when she reached her bedroom she quickly changed and got straight into bed, falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

The next morning she got up, easily slipping back into her normal routine and went to work. Voight had had offered for her to take a few days to get settled back into Chicago and sleep off the jet lag but she politely declined as she just wanted her normal back.

The day went pretty slowly, no major cases, but Jay was acting different and Hailey knew it. When she first showed up at work she got warm welcomes from Trudy and the whole unit but nothing from Jay, they barely said two words to each other all day that weren’t work-related and it was making Hailey a little upset.

Since they had spent most of the day doing paperwork, the team got sent home at a reasonable time. Adam and Kim left together closely followed by Kevin as Voight silently worked in his office.

Hailey entered the locker room where she knew she would find Jay, and she was right.

As she hesitantly walked through the doorway, Hailey spoke. “Can we talk?”

Jay wasn’t facing the door when his partner walked in but, upon hearing her voice, he quickly adjusted his positioning on the bench he had planted himself on to grab his stuff from his locker so he was looking at her.

“Sure” he replied softly, pretty confident he knew what she wanted to talk about.

“Come over to mine in about half an hour?” Hailey asked.

Jay nodded in response and they both grabbed their things and walked to the parking lot together.

They walked in silence but it wasn’t their usual, comfortable, silence. The air around the two was stiff. Either way, it wasn’t long before they reached their cars and headed their separate ways.

Almost exactly half an hour later, Hailey heard a knock at her door. She got up from her position on her couch and went to answer the door, knowing it would be her partner on the other side.

“Hey” Jay said with a weak smile as Hailey opened the door and he walked inside.

He set his jacket on one of the hooks by the door as he always did when he was at her apartment and made his way to her couch.

Sitting in silence on opposite ends of the furniture both detectives waited for the other to talk first and after a few uncomfortable seconds, Hailey decided that it was probably fair for her to talk first seeing as she was the one who wanted to talk to him and she invited him over.

“What is going on with you?” she asked, not wanting to beat around the bush, just getting straight to the point.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh come on Jay, don’t give me that crap. You haven’t spoken to me at all since I got back from New York so I’m sorry for assuming my best friend would have more to say after I left for 4 weeks” Hailey rebuked at Jay’s easy response.

“I guess I figured you’d wanna catch up with the team rather than talk to me seeing as we spoke to each other so much while you were over there” he said but Hailey knew that wasn’t the truth.

She started to get angrier but did her best not to show it and kept her cool.

“Well that’s a load of bull” she snapped. “We both know that over the second half of my trip we barely spoke, compared to the first two weeks anyway”

“Oh and thats my fault?” Jay jabbed back, beginning to feel anger rise in himself. Still, they both sat in the same spots on the couch and neither raised their voice.

“Well is it mine?” Hailey replied.

“More like your boyfriend’s” Jay murmered without thinking.

Hailey couldn’t believe what he had just said.

“Is that why you’ve been weird for these past weeks?” She asked “You’re jealous of Liam?”

That word ‘jealous’ played with his head but Jay didn’t reply, still regretting even bringing it up.

“Not that its any of your business, but he wasn’t my boyfriend” Hailey hissed and moved her body to a much more upright position, but keeping their eye contact. “It was a two-week fling, it didn’t mean anything” she continued with a quizzical look on her face.

“Wait so you guys aren’t together anymore?” Jay asked, a little taken aback by what his partner had just said.

“No, we ended things the day before I left because we agreed it was just a bit of fun and neither of us had the want to try a long distance relationship.” she said while relaxing back into the couch again.

Silence fell in the room for a moment as Hailey waited for Jay to say something but instead he just stayed where he was and his brows furrowed.

“Is that really why you’ve been acting weird?” she finally asked when she realised Jay had no intention of speaking.

Still not saying a word, Jay shrugged his shoulders a little embarrassed that he had even made this into a thing, it’s not like he could control who Hailey was dating.

“Oh my god will you please say something or I’m abut to get really mad” she exclaimed with a little more volume.

Jay had no idea what he could say without confessing his feelings right there in the middle of her living room so he kept his mouth shut which really pushed Hailey over the edge.

“Jay” she scoffed “for fuck’s sake what are you doing? You’re in no place to act like this because of a guy I dated for like a minute, last time I checked this partnership wasn’t an exclusive relationship and I can date whoever the hell I want” she began to stand up and continued “Just because you’re not looking for someone doesn’t mean I can’t be”

In reality, both of them knew exactly who they really wanted to date and it was none other than the person right in front of them at that very moment but neither were ready to admit that. Or so they thought, Jay’s mind had other plans.

“Who says a haven’t already found them?” Jay whispered, loud enough for Hailey to hear.

That was the second time this evening that Jay had said something that was meant to be kept in his head. ’God I really need to think more before I speak’ he thought.

“What?” Hailey asked, sitting back down.

“I didn’t mean-“ Jay began.

“So you are seeing someone” Hailey cut in.

“What?” his forehead creased “no, I’m not seeing anyone” he said truthfully.

“But you just said you found-“

“You, Hailey” and he did it again, Jay spoke before he could stop himself. However, this time, it proved to work in his favour, as a large smile appeared on his partner’s face.

For Chicago’s best detectives, both Jay and Hailey looked pretty stupid right now. But not stupid in a bad way, stupid in a huge-smile-on-your-face-don’t-know-what-to-say way.

For a second, they both remained still, not entirely sure what had just happened and where to go from there. Then Hailey made a spur of the moment decision and launched herself at Jay.

First she put a hand on his cheek and that was quickly followed by her placing her lips to his and pulling her leg over his knees so she was sitting in his lap and they were face to face.

Without ever breaking the kiss, Jay’s hands momentarily explored Hailey’s body, mainly moving up and down her torso, whereas Hailey kept both hands on his cheeks or gently around his neck, softly touching the hair on the back of his head.

Both were very content as it felt like the whole world was slipping away and they were all that existed. Hailey could feel a huge smile on Jay’s face as they kissed and it only made hers grow wider as their tongues intertwined and they bit at each other’s lips.

Though they had exchanged no words further than Jay implying that Hailey was all he was looking for, neither of them felt it was necessary.

Since they day they had met, the two had gone from strangers, to partners, to best friends, to admitting they trust each other more than anyone else and would follow each other blind. But they had always been Hailey and Jay, and thats exactly what they were that night, nothing had changed between them apart from the enormous weight that was their unspoken love for each other was lifted off their shoulders and they were just Hailey and Jay.

[sirenprincess15]

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 14

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

In this chapter: Tension continues between Aleksander and Alina as she tries to figure out who he truly is and what's real.

Chapter 14

“Where’s the girl?”

Aleksander cringed at Baghra’s voice. He didn’t want to remember this.

“Your sun summoner?”

He whimpered. He couldn’t say the word. Tears flooded his eyes. “Please …”

“Dead?

A guttural cry escaped him. “She died because I couldn’t protect her. I tried. I tried, but she wouldn’t let …”

“She died because she rejected who you are. If you weren’t so awful, maybe she could have trusted you, maybe she would have stayed.”

Aleksander awoke with a gasp. He struggled to catch his breath as he realized he was still lying on Alina’s chest. Safe. Her heart was still beating.

She said nothing as she soothingly ran her fingers through his hair to give him time to calm back down from his nightmare. He appreciated it because he needed it. He reminded himself to focus on her breathing. His head throbbed from drinking too much kvas with Fedyor the night before. He couldn’t think. How did he find the words to make her trust him again so that his worst nightmares wouldn’t come true?

At some point, the quiet just gave him more time to worry, though. Could Alina ever possibly forgive him? Would she turn on him now that she knew the truth? Could she find it in her to love him again? Would she choose the tracker? Would she still help him protect Grisha if she turned on him? How long did he have to still have her in his life? It was almost like wondering how long he would have air, but really, it was sunshine.

He wanted to stay in her arms forever, but he could not remain trapped in his thoughts anymore. “Do you want to go to breakfast together?” His voice was hoarse from sleepiness, at least that’s what he told himself. “Or we could have it brought here?”

“Thank you, but I will be spending the day with Mal.” Her chin jutted out as if she were daring him to fight that pronouncement.

“I see.” He sighed. Was this all he would get? A few hours of sleep with her? He would certainly take it over nothing, but why did she want to go be with the tracker? That idiot had always taken her for granted, done nothing to help with her self-esteem … Aleksander ground his teeth to stop himself from pointing out all of the tracker’s flaws.

“Are you good now?” she asked as she rose from the bed and went over to their shared closet.

“Thank you for letting me sleep.”

She started to dress and did nothing to hide her beautiful body from his gaze. Perhaps this was payback for his stripping in front of her the night before. Perhaps she wanted him to stare with longing as maybe she had? Or maybe she found the idea of covering up in front of each other just as awkward as he had. Then he saw what she was putting on.

Blue.

It was an arrow straight through his heart, and it hurt every bit as much as one. He knew that pain all too well from experience. “You will not be wearing that today,” he commanded.

“I will be wearing whatever I choose.” Her eyes stared right into his for a long moment, almost like a staring content, and then she went back to buttoning the blue kefta.

“Why?” He was desperate to understand her reasoning as he tried to hold together his composure.

“I like blue, very me, don’t you think?”

“Are you trying to torture me?” He gave up on trying to appear commanding and just let the pain show in his voice. “That outfit has hurt me every time you put it on since I offered you my colors.” Rejection, over and over again. It took on a new meaning now that she had already aligned herself with him. Now, it meant she disavowed their bond and that she wanted everyone to know she was no longer his.

She tilted her head and stared at him for a long moment. “Are you going to stop me?”

Finally, he caved and shook his head. “Wear what you want.” In the end, it was an outfit, one that hurt him, but an outfit nonetheless. They had more important things to agree on like protecting Grisha and the Fold. If letting her wear blue was what made her more willing to negotiate, he could endure the pain and humiliation as everyone gossiped about her leaving him.

“Has it occurred to you that maybe I’m testing you?”

He glanced up, his eyes wide. He was an expert at analyzing people and situations and reading any room. How did she always manage to surprise him? Why could he not think clearly when it came to her? “Testing me?”

“Baghra said you wanted to make me your slave, to take away my free will. I wanted to see what you would do if I insisted on my way with something I knew you disagreed with.”

“Alina …” His mother’s words again, tearing them apart. Is that what Alina thought? That he had done things against her will? That he was willing to? “I know you are upset with me for keeping you from your old life and forcing you to focus on your new one, but besides that … did I ever do anything against your will to make you believe her? Did I … not understand your consent? Did I make you think you had to? Did I touch you when you didn’t want to or …? ” He could not live with himself if any of that was true.

She was quiet for a moment. Her eyes flicked as she seemed to sort through memories or assess their previous interactions. “Never.”

“Then, why are you even considering believing her?”

“Because you didn’t give me a chance to make those decisions with full knowledge of who you are or the situation with Mal.”

The criticism hurt. Was it fair? He was so lost in his head that he wasn’t sure anymore. “It started with needing you to trust me, but then I got to know you. Would you understand if I said I was just so excited for someone to actually care about me … even if that required hiding who I was from you so you could.” Tears filled his eyes, but he would not let them fall. “Your love was so … addictive. I guess I just wanted to pretend that you could love me. It felt good.”

“You assume you had to hide who you were from me, that I couldn’t love who you actually are. You don’t know that. You didn’t give me a chance to even figure that out.”

“I’m trying to give you that chance now.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“So I’m giving you some tests.” She shrugged. “I’m trying to figure out what’s real. I’m paying attention to if you still lie to me, hide things from me, or if you try to manipulate me.”

“If it was a test, then did I pass?”

“You’re working on it.” She walked over to him and squeezed his arm. “Try not to spend the entire day stressing. Mal and I have a lot to catch up on. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Wait,” he said, rising from the bed and grabbing her arm before she could leave. She paused and looked up at him with curiosity but a bit of apprehension. He hated that she had been convinced to fear him, even a little, again. “I can’t let you go without a guard. Don’t give me grief about that. The tracker cannot protect you from Fjerdan assassins. Fedyor will still be sleeping off the extreme amount of alcohol we consumed last night. Let’s leave Ivan to tend to him. Plus, I’m more comfortable with Ivan guarding you at night.” He didn’t want to admit out loud that it was so he could know if she slept with the tracker. “Let me take you to Inessa,” he started to suggest just as the woman stepped into the doorway of the war room.

“Ivan sent for me. He thought you might need me this morning.” Aleksander smiled. That was exactly why Ivan was second-in-command. He always thought things through.

[thorne93]

History Repeats (Part 14)

Prompt: Life’s hard, right? Well throw in a not so great job, a broken heart, and chasing a pipe dream in LA. But could someone come along to make all the bad shit disappear? Or is he just another heartbreak waiting around the bend?

Warnings: language, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, angst/heartbreak, adult themes (??)

Word Count: 2525

Note: Aesthetic made by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo because she’s absolutely amazing Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo . Brainstorming from @carryonmyswansong​

**Song Inspiration: I Almost Do by Taylor Swift; 3AM by Halsey; When The Party’s Over by Billie Eilish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you woke up, you felt like shit, and not because of the drugs and alcohol that only recently vacated your system. You groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. Did you really kick Hayden out? Were you honestly that far gone? 

Yeah, he broke your heart. He wasn’t the first asshole to do it, but he did stick around. Maybe that was because he had to though.

No, you knew better. He had enough money to stay at a hotel, but he stayed with you. He cared about you. It just hurt so bad to not have him any more. You hadn’t said you loved him, not yet, but you did, you loved him with everything you had and he just… broke everything. 

 Maybe you should go apologize.

Pulling yourself out of bed, you slipped on a comfortable shirt and yoga pants before you trodded out to the guest room, Hayden’s room. You knocked on the door before poking your head in. 

Only, there was nothing there. All of his things gone. His suitcases absent. No note, no letter, not even a post-it note. 

A choked sob escaped you. You knew you kicked him out, but you gave him until the next night. He was already gone?

So much for staying. So much for caring. 

No text, no call, no letter. It seemed as if he truly did want to be gone from you. 

Fine. If that’s the way he wanted it… Wish granted. 

------------------------

Months went by and you tried to forget him, tried to turn your pain into art.

Trey worked hard to get your EP ready. You had several tracks that you wanted to feature and he did enjoy your lyrics and tune. He was happy to work with you and the other members of your band to get the sound you wanted. 

By the time the singles were released, you were already becoming a hit. You hit all of the media platforms and your work exploded, sending you soaring to the charts. You weren’t quite topping them yet, but you were definitely being demanded on the radio and your Youtube and Spotify numbers were great, rising all the time. 

As time went on though, your addiction only grew. With Hayden out of your life, the glaring reminders that you lost all your old friends, and none of your old boyfriends seemed to ever love you, there was nothing to stop you from becoming nearly dependent on the drugs and alcohol. 

You’d never been like this in your life, but you’d never been at such an odd time in your life either. On every romantic and personal front, your life was a total flop, a zero sum. But your career, your dream job was finally taking off. The world was your oyster, you were rubbing shoulders with musical big wigs, meeting huge names and musicisinas. 

Between the complete amazement you were in from being discovered and having your heart broken for the last time, you were a mental mess. 

Hayden wasn’t just another guy. Jason was just another guy, just like every ex before him. 

But Hayden, he was different. When you and Jason split up, it wasn’t the man you mourned, but the death of yet another relationship. With Hayden, you missed him, not being together. You missed the light he brought to your life. You missed the way he supported you. You missed the way you two could joke about movies together. You missed how you could act completely goofy and silly and he joined in. 

You loved him, you were in love with him, and he pulled the rug out from under you.

That was why your habit of using coke was slowly getting worse. You managed to keep your job, for a while, keep the desires away. Then you started to get where you were barely sober for that too and just when your boss mentioned it, you decided it was time to leave anyway. You put in your two weeks and left gracefully.

As soon as you were no longer tied to the hotel, Trey put you in every lounge, venue, and club he could find. You were singing all of your songs on your EP. Every night you did a show, you got off the stage, got drunk or high, or both, and then you crashed. 

Same routine, every night. 

Anything to numb the pain of losing Hayden, of feeling like your life was in shambles. It wasn’t just losing Hayden, it was realizing you had no close friends, no one else to lean on. He’d become your best friend, your confidant, your lover. He was everything you ever wanted or needed, and he was gone. 

Neither of you had sent any messages to each other. It killed you, but you had to move forward, if that’s what you could call drowning your sorrows in a bottle or a baggie. 

Tonight, you just got done singing a set and you were hanging out with Darren, Veronica, Brad, and Tai. Unbeknownst to you, Hayden was actually about to make a stop by this bar. He had some contacts in your circle, a few people he knew in the music world that he asked to keep an eye on you, and if you got too out of control or needed help, they should let him know. He also watched your Instagram and Twitter, keeping an eye on your partying that way.

He’d gotten a few texts before about you, just an update on how you were, but tonight was a red alert from a guy that was somewhat in your circle. He watched you as you did a bump of coke, drink whatever was passed to you, and you were all over everyone in the bar. It was a sloppy mix of drunk-high. You held onto everyone, laughing, trying to crawl on the bar, making a complete ass of yourself. 

Typically your antics were cheered on because everyone in your scene was pretty wild, but even tonight some of them were worried about how you were acting. 

Hayden made his way downtown as soon as he got the text, looking for the bar. Finally, as he walked by, he saw you through the window. You were laughing, throwing your head back, hanging on other people, and trying to dance. 

You were a mess, and that was obvious. 

He pressed his lips into a thin line before going into the bar. He made his way over to you. He wanted to say he felt relief when he saw you, but he didn’t. He just felt worse. He wasn’t an idiot about your drug abuse, he also wasn’t stupid to see what had triggered it. He just thought it was stupid for you to get mixed up in this shit over him. He wasn’t worth it. 

He could see how it was affecting you. Dark circles painted your eyes, your clothes hung loosely on your body, you looked as if you were awake solely from the drugs. He hated how bad you looked.

“Hey,” he greeted loudly over the bar music and patrons. 

You looked over and saw him, your eyes going in and out of focus. “Oh my god, it’s you! Hey! Stay! Have a drink!” you encouraged as you fell all over him, putting your arms around him. In your current state, none of the pain that would’ve normally come from seeing him happened. 

“Hey, no, I’m good. This isn’t really my scene. Y/N, you seem really far gone, do you want me to take you home?” 

You pushed away from him, frowning. “What? No, why would I want that?” You reached in your purse and grabbed something, about to put it in your mouth. “I’m having a good time here, Hayden. You should try it,’ you urged giddily.

“Are you fucking crazy?” he demanded as he slapped the little white thing out of your hand. “Was that fucking E? On top of what you already have in your system?”

“The fuck is your problem?” you ordered, angry.

“My problem is you destroying your life and your body,” he informed.  “I’m taking you home,” he stated firmly. He started to turn you around and push you outside. Everyone started to look your way. 

“No, you aren’t!” you protested loudly, moving wildly, but he just persisted. He went around in front of you, grabbed your wrist, and tugged you outside and started walking you down the sidewalk until you got yourself free of his hold. “Jesus! What the fuck is your deal? Those are my friends. I’m having a good time!” 

“A good time?” he demanded, his voice reigned in anger. “You think this is a good time? You’re out of your fucking mind.” 

“Hey, Mr. Entertainment Business newsflash,a  party-girl image is great publicity. Trey encourages this so long as I’m fine to record.”

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear that your producer endorses you getting high and drunk, as long as you’re off the clock.” 

“You aren’t my handler, you’re not my parents, yo’re not my baby sitter, so just fuck off.”

He stared at you, clenching his jaw. “If you want to stay here and become like---If you want to stay here and party, that’s fine, but I’m done. I’m done with this. I’m done watching you ruin your life and throw so much potential away. I’m not gonna stick around to watch you drive your self into rock bottom when I’ve tried like hell to get you to wake the fuck up.”

“You didn’t stick around! Newsflash, asshole! You left! You left me high and dry.” 

“You kicked me out!” he reminded. “After I tried to approach you about your addiction. And I did stick around, you just didn’t know it.” 

“You didn’t approach me about it, you attacked me about it. Besides, what the hell do you mean you’re not going to stick around or watch me? You haven’t been around.” 

Letting out a sigh, he ran his hand down his face. “When I left, I may have asked some friends to keep an eye on you. I told them to update me if you were getting worse or better.”

“You were spying on me?” you asked, gasping.

“No, I just had people keeping an eye on you. If they were at the same party or something, they’d just let me know how you were doing.”

“Oh, nice to know you cared so much,” you retorted, rolling your eyes. You were getting more and more sober with the fresh air and the anger.  

“I do care. I think I’m the only one you know who does’ fucking care about you. I’m the only one not letting you just become an addict. I’m fighting for you.”

“Oh, is that what you were doing when you broke up with me? Fighting for me?”

He glared at you. He didn’t want to have this conversation. “Yes, I was. I was trying to make sure we were making the right choice.”

“Oh, spare me the bullshit!” you shouted, your head falling back. “I’m sick of this. I’m sick of the lies. Just be honest with me. You didn’t care about me, you didn’t love me, you wanted a rebound. You weren’t worried about the both of us. You’re just like everyone else. You wanted something to distract you from your ex leaving you and I was the perfect replacement. Then when you got bored, you cast me aside.” 

“You weren’t a replacement! You weren’t my rebound,” he yelled. 

“Then what was it?!” you screamed. “Because from where I stood, you and I were perfect, more than perfect. We could spend time with each other, lean on each other, support each other, we lived together, I met your child, we had date nights all the time and all of that just -- you ended it. Without warning. We didn’t even talk about it. You didn’t even ask me how I was feeling, if I cared about you. You just decided for the both of us that it would be better if this wasn’t a rebound. But it wasn’t ever about that. It was about me taking putting someone else before me like I always do, and I’m the one who got fucking hurt, not you.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry that you got hurt. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It hurt me too. And it hurts like hell to watch you do this to yourself. You think I liked watching you come home high and drunk all the time?” 

“I don’t imagine it bothered you too much. We weren’t dating any more.” 

He shrugged. “So? Just because I’m not dating you, it doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about you.”

“See, in my world, it does. You don’t break someone’s fucking heart then try to tell them you still care. You’re the one who decided to date me. I asked, you shot me down. Then, when I was really happy, when I thought this was real, that we had a shot, that this was something that would last and you just ripped it away. No conversation.” 

He shook his head. “Yeah, and I’m sorry for that. I am. I should’ve talked to you, but is this really what you want? You want to be so numb and fucked up on drugs you can’t function?”

“I can function just fine, thanks for checking in!”

“I can’t believe you’re fine with this. You’ve been so strong since I met you. Going after your dream, working hard at your job, you never would’ve given into this bullshit, despite what happened between us.” 

“Yeah, well shit changes. Clearly you know that.”

“Nothing changed. I cared for you then, and I do now.” 

You scoffed. “Spare me, alright? It was clear to me after you left you never gave a shit. I licked your wounds so you could heal and then you left me. Fuck off. You don’t get the right to tell me where I can hang out, what I can do, or when I can do it.” You got in his face, your voice low before you turned around to head back inside. 

He stood there more upset than he had been when you two first broke up. He wasn’t sure what he thought he would gain from coming out tonight. He just thought he could save you from yourself. He knew he was the reason you went on the downward spiral but he didn’t know how to fix it. 

He bit his lip to keep from crying as he watched you rejoin your friends and pick up a shot glass and knock it back. He shook his head as he turned to walk down the street.

He couldn’t keep doing this to himself, or to you. He needed to move on. He couldn’t watch you suffer any more. He had tried to help you. Every time he did though, you turned him down - hard. 

With his heart heavy, he took a taxi back to his new hotel and tried to forget all about you.

If only it were that easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tag:

@essie1876​

@magpiegirl80​

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​​

@marvel-imagines-yes-please​​

@missinstantgratification​​

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Hayden Christensen:

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History Repeats:

@multifandomblog315​​

[lovejustforaday]

Sonic Youth Albums Ranked (Part 1)

There are few indie/alternative bands that I’d argue are as challenging and engaging, or as formative as Sonic Youth.

From their early days as a radical no wave project, to their mid-career as a hard-hitting noise rock band, to their later years as a mellow indie band with prickly guitar tones, Sonic Youth has reinvented the concept of both the guitar and rock music in general again and again. They’ve probably made at least fifty or so never-before-heard noises with their instruments. Combining these sounds with lyrics that regularly explore disillusionment, nihilism, social transgression, pop culture, feminism, abstract thought, underground scenes, and outsider art — it’s safe to say that Sonic Youth have always gone against the grain.

The members of Sonic Youth are obviously all musicians, but they have also been iconoclasts, satirists, and poets throughout their careers, creating music that demolishes both the conventions of rock as well as the social pretensions of the conservative American lifestyle.

Each member of the main lineup contributes something fundamental to the band:

-Guitarist/vocalist/de-facto leader Thurston Moore, the no-fucks-given anti-rock star icon and visionary (albeit he’s kind of a smug twerp these days)

-Bassist/guitarist/vocalist Kim Gordon, the reserved but sharp-witted feminist and multi-disciplinary artist

-Guitarist/sometimes vocalist Lee Ranaldo, the revolutionary master of bizarre guitar tunings

-Drummer Steve Shelley, whose soft and shy demeanor masks a deliverer of precise, high-speed rhythmic anarchy

I could go on and gush about this band forever, but I’ve decided to settle for writing a big nerdy list all about how I feel each Sonic Youth album holds up when ranked. With 15 proper records in total, there is a lot to digest. Likewise, I highly encourage you if you haven’t already to go listen to some of these LPs for yourself and formulate your own opinions about one of the most fascinating bands to have ever existed. This list is really just my two cents.

Note: we will be focusing on the 15 full-length studio albums recorded under the name “Sonic Youth”. This list does not include the s/t debut EP, nor does it include the “Whitey Album” or the SYR series since those are best understood as separate side projects. This list is going to be long enough as it is anyway.

15. Rather Ripped (2006)

Main Genres: Indie Rock, Alternative Rock

A decent sampling of: Noise Rock

From any other band, this is a perfectly decent album with a few nice, gratifying guitar tones here and there. But as a Sonic Youth album, Rather Ripped sounds like the band is on auto-pilot. This is the band’s only album that to my ears sounds like it could’ve been written by any number of other alternative rock bands at the time. It just lacks a certain essential edge that their music usually has.

It really doesn’t help the case for this record that Thurston Moore began having an affair at this point in the career, and it is disgustingly present in the lyrics in hindsight, with the offensively titled “Sleeping Around” and possibly even “Incinerate” both probably taking inspiration from his dirty little secret.

I usually separate art from the artist to a certain degree, but in this case it really does kill part of the experience, because I can’t help but feel that Thurston is having a stupid little giggle to himself by hiding his affair in plain sight and it’s really just kind of pathetic. Kim Gordon is my favourite member of the band, and to me she’s the epitome of an extremely cool person, which only makes the whole thing worse. Seriously, quit bragging old man.

Speaking of “Incinerate”, I can confidently say that I think this is the band’s most overrated song. Certainly not their worst, but I really can’t fathom how so many people consistently put this up there with “Schizophrenia” or “The Diamond Sea” as one of Sonic Youth’s top five songs when it’s honestly just so...by the numbers.

That being said, Rather Ripped is not ‘bad’ per se, it’s mostly just that it really lacks something the band usually has, which makes the project feel a little soulless. Still, the record has its better moments. “Pink Stream” is rather ethereal sounding, which is pretty rare in the band’s discography given their usual penchant for the bombastic and ear-shattering, or the ominous and unsettling. “Turquoise Boy” is also a nice mellow track that probably could’ve fit in quite well as one of many solid tracks on A Thousand Leaves, albeit most of those tracks would still trounce this one.

Rather Ripped is all-around competent; it’s a pretty consistent listen and a decent enough beginner-level Sonic Youth album in terms of accessibility. But there’s just nothing about this album that really grabs me like literally any of their other LPs. There’s almost none of the band’s personality on this record (save perhaps Thurston’s inflated ego). Perhaps it is best to call it their “least interesting” album instead of their “worst”. Honestly, you could just skip this one and you probably wouldn’t miss much.

6/10

highlights: “Pink Stream”, “Turquoise Boy”

14. The Eternal (2009)

Main Genres: Indie Rock, Alternative Rock

A decent sampling of: Noise Rock

The Eternal is the last LP Sonic Youth put out as a band. With context, the record has somewhat of a somber feeling. Even its name ‘The Eternal’ seems to suggest that the band might’ve known that it would be their last record, as if the album could be at least partially a reflection on the band’s legacy that will eventually go on to outlive each member.

The band really does sound a little burnt out at multiple points on this record, particularly in terms of Thurston’s vocals which can be best described as sounding ‘exhausted’. Again, like Rather Ripped, the music is certainly competent and enjoyable, but it’s also noticeably less adventurous than on earlier LPs. The album is also a bit more sluggish than most of the band’s past work, feeling just about as long as Daydream Nation or Washing Machine despite being well over 10 minutes shorter than either of those LPs.

I’ll be perfectly honest: if it weren’t for “Massage The History”, this record probably wouldn’t be all that much better than Rather Ripped. Kim Gordon gets to have the very last words on the record with this grim and cryptic requiem about hers and Thurston’s relationship, indicating that she was at least partially aware at the time that the two of them were growing apart.

This would be the last album Sonic Youth put out before Kim became fully aware of Thurston’s affair with a younger woman, leading to her divorce and the band’s inevitable breakup. The song is honestly kind of painful to listen to for that reason, but it is also tragically and morbidly beautiful. “Massage The History” is chronologically the last track in the entire Sonic Youth discography which stretches across 15 LPs over the course of three decades, and it’s a very worthy swan song for the band, if also a bitter reminder that most things cannot last.

“Malibu Gas Station” is another standout, a nocturnal alternative rock jam that sounds very much like a track from the Sister-Daydream Nation-Goo era, and yet another example of Kim Gordon’s capabilities as a member of the band. Really, Kim basically carries this entire LP on her shoulders in terms of the lyrics and vocals.

Nevertheless, I like this record for what it represents if nothing else, and I would still say that it is a level above Rather Ripped thanks to the album closer, and more on par with the next couple of albums on this list. However, I would never recommend that anyone start their Sonic Youth journey with this LP. You can listen to their discography in just about any order you want to, but I’d highly recommend that you save this one for last. The Eternal is a mostly bittersweet experience that is best appreciated after hearing the rest of the band’s output.

7/10

highlights: “Massage The History”, “Malibu Gas Station”

13. Experimental Jet Set, Trash, And No Star (1994)

Main Genres: Noise Rock, Alternative Rock

A decent sampling of: Experimental Rock, Post-Punk

Experimental Jet Set, Trash, And No Star came right after the modest commercial success of Goo and Dirty, and I think you can hear on this LP that the band is reacting to that success by trying to resharpen some of the edges that were smoothed out by Butch Vig’s production on Dirty. Basically, this sounds rather like Dirty but less put-together, less consistent, and a lot more raw.

I appreciate that they wanted to do their own thing and challenge expectations again, and you can really tell that the band is mostly playing around on this record, but in this case I gotta say that the songwriting seems to suffer a little because of that.

The album starts off promising enough with two major highlights. First, there’s a rare acoustic offering with the lo-fi opener “Winner’s Blues”, the first of many tracks that would appear on later Sonic Youth LPs proving that Thurston’s vocals can actually be quite soothing. Then there’s the winding, topsy-turvy patterns of “Bull In The Heather” where lyrically Kim mocks the infantilization of women in her usual snarky, sing-talking fashion. Later on the record, there’s also “Bone” which has a very sinister, bluesy swagger to it that I really enjoy.

But everything else from here on out is kind of a mixed bag. The main setback really seems to be the track lengths; it’s actually pretty weird for a Sonic Youth album at this point in the band’s career to be full of songs that are mostly only two or three minutes long like they are on Experimental Jet Set, Trash, and No Star. That’s not inherently bad of course, but a lot of these tracks really only sound like ‘parts’ of a Sonic Youth song; some really good ideas, but largely underdeveloped.

Take “Starfield Road” for example, which takes a whole minute to build up this really cool and bizarre turbulent sound storm, and then Thurston starts singing over it for a couple of bars until it all sorta just stops abruptly. This track could work in theory if it was structured differently. “Mildred Pierce” off of Goo does something similar, but with that track there’s pay off at the end with the sudden wicked, destructive breakdown which catches you off guard, but here there’s simply no pay off for the listener.

Combine the lack of complete songwriting with the fact that this is actually one of the longest tracklistings on any Sonic Youth album at 14 tracks, and you get an album that feels like it’s bloated with lots of filler. Mind you, there’s still a lot of great little moments on this LP, but very few of them come together to make great songs. It’s an excellent sampler of just how many different ways Sonic Youth can play with a riff or make weird new static noises, but with regards to songwriting, Experimental Jet Set, Trash, and No Star feels more like a collection of demo tapes than a proper album. Still, there’s some cool energy on this record and I’d say it’s a worthwhile listen for any diehard fan.

7/10

highlights: “Bull In The Heather”, “Bone”, “Winner’s Blues”

12. NYC Ghosts & Flowers (2000)

Main Genres: Experimental Rock, Noise Rock, Art Rock

A decent sampling of: Post-Rock, Art Punk, Beat Poetry, No Wave

This is a good example of why we can’t have nice things. Somewhere between A Thousand Leaves and this record, Sonic Youth had most of their gear stolen by some jackass, which effectively meant pressing a hard reset button on the band’s sound for at least one album.

Likewise, a lot of people say that this is their worst record, and yeah I get why those people feel that way, but I actually like NYC Ghosts & Flowers for the fact that it forced the band to undergo yet another major sonic transformation. It‘s certainly more consistently interesting than Rather Ripped or The Eternal, just a very strange album in general, and for that it gets some extra points. I should also mention that this is the first of a couple of albums where the band collaborated with the acclaimed avant-garde artist Jim O’Rourke.

With lyrics influenced by the legendary mid-20th century ‘beat poetry’ scene born out of the band’s own New York City, this is the most 'abstract' Sonic Youth ever sounded. You can hear hints of the band’s no wave origins on this record, but with all of the crude chaos of those early LPs replaced with cerebral tension.

It’s also more sparse than any of their other studio albums, even more so than the dark and intangible Bad Moon Rising. Unfortunately, in this case that also leads to some tracks like “Nevermind (What Was It Anyway)” feeling somewhat empty, or perhaps sometimes too monotonous or repetitive without enough sonically gratifying moments.

But there are exceptions, and the middle portion of this album is where the new formula mostly thrives. “Small Flowers Crack Concrete” is vivid post-rock art poetry, not unlike a more noisy, sporadic version of some of the songs off of Slint’s beloved post-rock classic Spiderland. “Side2Side” is very aurally pleasing, with plinkety guitar staccatos and Kim’s voice hopping from one ear to the other like some kind of noise rock ASMR.

“StreamXSonik Subway” is a freaky little track that sounds calmly menacing, and I really like the high-pitch computer-y bloops. But then right after that there’s the seven and a half minute title track “NYC Ghosts & Flowers” which could probably give me a headache if I didn’t distract myself with something else while I was listening to it; truly maybe the worst track of the band’s entire discography if I was asked to pick one.

Overall, I’d say that NYC Ghosts & Flowers is a very artistic and fascinating experience in the moment, but I don’t really end up remembering much of it an hour or two after listening to the record. It just doesn’t really stay with me like some of their other records, and I don’t often feel the need to revisit this LP. I think Sonic Youth does the whole ‘sparseness' thing better when they’re aiming to sound vast, haunting, or nihilistic, as opposed to this kind of small, cerebral, sit-down-in-an-empty-room-and-listen experience which I personally find a bit more suited to other bands.

That being said, I applaud them for taking a lot of risks on this one, and I genuinely like NYC Ghosts & Flowers for the moments where it really does seem to be on the cusp of something groundbreaking. It's also a pretty polarizing record for most listeners, so maybe you’ll love it.

7/10

highlights: “Small Flowers Crack Concrete”, “Side2Side“, “StreamXSonik Subway”

[tiktaalic]

got curious and went through the fandometrics ship tag for weekly top ships and compiled some Destiel Data. the top 20 get tabulated every week, 1 is the most popular. rankings are in order from most recent to least ie end of the month to the start. lets go

april 2021: 3, 2, 2, 4. avg: 2.75

march 2021: 4, 1, 1, 1, 1. avg: 1.6

feb 2021: 1, 1, 1, 1. avg: 1

jan 2021: 1, 1, 1, 1. avg: 1

show is over

dec 2020: there’s no week to week in dec bc that’s when year in review comes out, but destiel is 10 on the end of year list. 

nov 2020: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1. avg: 1

oct 2020: 4, 3, 7, 9. avg: 5.75

supernatural begins airing again (oct 10)

sept 2020: 11, 4, 5, 7, avg: 6.75

aug 2020: 8, 19, did not rank, DNR, DNR. i’m not sure how to average dnrs... but for the two weeks they DID rank the avg was 13.5

week of aug 31 promo videos containing 15.18 scenes (handprint, cas crying) release. i think.

july 2020: DNR, DNR, DNR, DNR. ranked 0/4 weeks.

june 2020: DNR, DNR, DNR. there’s a week missing from the tag. i think it’s safe to assume it was also a DNR. ranked 0/4 weeks.

may 2020: DNR, 20, DNR, 20. avg for ranked weeks: 20 (lowest spot)

april 2020: 20, 15, 16, 15. avg: 16.5

march 2020: 4, 4, 19, 16, 17. avg: 12

show comes back from holiday hiatus march 16, airs two eps, then goes on covid hiatus.

feb 2020: 16, 11, 12, 9. avg: 12

jan 2020: 6, 3, 7, 17.��avg: 8.25

jan 30th is the last episode (15.11) before the mini holiday hiatus

dec 2019:  there’s no week to week in dec bc that’s when year in review comes out, but destiel is 20 on the end of year list. the list notes that it fell 9 spaces, which means it was 11 in 2018′s year in review.

nov 2019: 9, 18, 15, 9. avg: 12.75

oct 2019: 6, 7, 7, again, there’s a missing week from the tag. avg: 6.67

first ep of s15 airs oct 10th.

sept 2019: 19, 14, 20, DNR, DNR. avg for ranked weeks: 17.67

aug 2019: DNR, DNR, DNR, DNR.

here are the last few year in review rankings:

2020: 10. 

2019: 20. 

2018: 11 

2017: 11

2016: 4

week in review existed in 2014 and 2015, but pairings weren’t a category tabulated.

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 29: 3x09 The Tholian Web

Today’s episode, The Tholian Web, was completely new to me and I came in with no expectations at all. I wasn’t sure about it at first but ultimately I really liked it!

In uncharted territory looking for lost ship the Defiant. Space appears to be breaking up. Idk but for some reason this sounds very familiar.

Like truly I don’t know what this is reminding me of but hasn’t space broken up before?

And now there’s a mysterious object! Nothing is going Kirk’s way today at all.

“Fascinating.” / “Explain.” Truly the root of this relationship.

It’s the Defiant! Looking ghostly.

Uhura’s on the case already. You don’t need to tell her how to do her job.

Scotty and Sulu looking badass together.

Conveniently, it’s another constitution class, allowing all the sets to be reused. (Though also I do think it makes sense only a large ship like that would be in uncharted space.)

Look at them in those suits. They look like they’re going to the grocery store in May 2020.

How do they know this isn’t an illusion? Because “we can see it, but the sensors don’t pick up anything” screams “illusion” to me. I wouldn’t want to beam into open space!

The triumvirate + Chekov, fourth wheeling again. (My mom suggested he’d be incapacitated soon, which is fair--he IS the red shirt in this scenario.)

All of this is feeling very familiar--missing ship, unusual space phenomenon, people going mad--but I'm not sure if it's repetitive or classic.

NO mutiny ever? That seem unlikely. Also didn’t Spock literally commit mutiny? Chekov would appreciate knowing this.

Kirk manages to look intense even through the space suit.

I find it really weird he doesn’t know the captain of this ship. Like, first off, he knows everyone, and second, there only about 12-14 constitution class vessel Captains so I really do think they know each other.

“Spock, stay with me.” Don’t have to tell him twice.

Lol the ship looks so silly just...drifting away. Adorable, but silly.

Seeing an Asian man in sick bay reminds me how few Asian people there are in Starfleet. Like... 1.

“What the devil?” That’s a Southern man there.

Is the ship actually dissolving or is it an ILLUSION? (It’s actually dissolving.)

Uh, the transporter’s not working? That’s not good.

I love how Scotty hears that and immediately abandons the bridge, like there is NO other man for the job.

O’Neil’s face when Kirk asks to be beamed aboard is hilarious. Human embodiment of the :O emoticon.

“You too, Spock.” He delays ordering Spock back to the ship because he KNOWS Spock’s going to argue.

“Completing the data set” yeah okay. He just doesn’t want to leave Jim alone. Especially in the extremely suspicious circumstances of there being 4 people and 3 transporter spots.

He’s vanished!

Spock is NOT having this.

The fabric of space is very weak here. Sounds legit. And there are many alternate dimensions that are very close at hand. So in other words... Kirk is literally stuck in an AU right now.

This is sorta like The Alternative Factor but way better.

You know it’s serious when they break out the fish eye lens.

When Bones rushed in, I was expecting him to sedate Chekov but Spock has it covered.

I feel like Spock is extremely concerned for Chekov here. Like it’s subtle, but just the attention he’s paying to him. And Sulu is obviously very concerned too.

His “environmental unit” only has so much oxygen. What a great name for a fancy spacesuit.

Spock will not believe Jim is dead!! Never. (This is the plot of the whole episode in 8 words essentially.)

That’s an alien!

“According to the Federation, this area is free space.” ...Okay, that sounds a little colonialist. In his defense, he doesn’t press the point. He basically says, kay, we’ll go as soon as we’re finished rescuing.

And I appreciate the Tholian’s respect for that even though surely he must feel gaslit by Spock--rescuing WHO there are NO other ships??

Also I like the look of the alien.

Nifty lab equipment there.

MCCOY FIGHT SCENE.

Wow that orderly was easily disabled lol. I guess Chapel hypoed him but it really looked like she just tapped his shoulder and he fell.

Hmm, there are still 30 minutes left so something tells me this Kirk rescue mission won’t work.

Captain Kirk is not in his designated area. I repeat Captain Kirk has wandered away from his designated area.

The space was disturbed by the Tholians. I guess they weren’t factored into the delicate calculations.

Something about this exchange really screams Southerner meets Alien. Like more than most McCoy and Spock exchanges.

You can tell Spock is thinking about this whole "nothing’s being transmitted, it’s just the nature of space; everyone's already sick" thing but also not caring because CAPTAIN KIRK.

Now they’re being fired upon! A lot is happening here.

“Renowned Tholian punctuality” lol. Always a sense of humor on this one.

Spock’s face when Sulu questioned his order was 100% “Did I stutter?”

“I know you don’t like to use the phasers.” Because he’s a pacifist.

Well he changed his mind on those phasers fast enough.

“You’ve lost Jim.” UM no I think NOT.

Everything happens so much.

“That is the mark of a starship Captain like Jim.” I mean Spock is no Jim but there’s no need to be rude about it

“Doctor, go to your room and do your homework.”

Aw, the ships are kissing.

Now they look like little weaving shuttles. Adorable.

Hmm, it IS a web. Appropriately named episode.

“We shall not see home again.” Lol Spock way to be the Most Dramatique as always.

Tholian web screensaver Windows 98.

No, not a funeral!!

“This service requires my attention, Mr. Spock.” Crying emoji.

(I’m with Spock in almost everything in this ep but come on, you can’t ban McCoy from Kirk’s funeral, that’s just rude.)

This seems more like an assembly than a funeral tbh.

[agonizing scream] is also how I feel about Kirk “dying” and that’s why Generations isn’t real.

AOS Kirk would 100% approve of a brawl at his funeral.

Sulu and Uhura <3

“Each of you must evaluate the loss in the privacy of your own thoughts.” Spock definitely will.

Wait, that was it? The whole eulogy? Both Kirk and Spock really suck at eulogizing the other.

McCoy probably could have skipped this honestly.

Wait, Kirk left his space husband and his BFF a final in-case-of-death message? Noooooooooooooooo I can’t.

McCoy is so insistent they watch it and Spock is like “nah, that makes it too real, not gonna do it.”

“The Captain’s last order is the top priority.”

Why does everyone always assume Spock wants power? He obviously doesn’t. He could be a Captain if he wanted, probably. He’s early enough in his career where he still has time to become a Captain, too--eventually he does! Most of his career and literally every statement he’s ever made would kinda imply he’s not interested.

Also, if he didn’t care about Jim and he just wanted to take over the Enterprise, he would have left 3 hours ago? Like multiple people were saying he should? Including Bones??

“He was a hero in every sense of the word.” True.

McCoy is being VERY mean today.

And now he’s mad at him again for fighting the Tholians instead of leaving without Jim! Like which is it! What did he do wrong? At least pick a specific thing to criticize lol.

"I need not explain my rationale to you or to any other member of this crew." That’s true but also all I can hear is “I love him. I’m in love with him. I must have him back.”

What is that art work on the wall? That’s new.

I don’t get how Bones isn’t getting this. He KNOWS about the “warm, genuine feeling.”

Vulcans clearly aren’t immune to the...space weirdness. But yes, another pot shot at his alienness is always welcome lol.

“I AM in command of the Enterprise.” You tell him.

Finally, the secret message!

Omg Jim is literally dead and he’s still reassuring Spock. What a good boyfriend. I know this is the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you got this bb.

Now he’s lecturing them both from beyond the grave and getting everything right and they’re just standing there like chastised schoolboys.

That “take care” was so soft.

“It does hurt, doesn’t it?”

“What would you have me say Doctor?”

Like??? I can’t stand this.

Uhura! At home.

I like that twirly thing they have in their quarters; very efficient use of space and also I want one.

I also love that her chair has crocodile arms.

Kirk shows up in the mirror just to be dramatic and disappear again.

“Of course you saw him. We’d all like to see him.” Lol. Yes, yes, he’s still with us... in our hearts.

If the Tholians complete the web, what will they do with what’s inside? Eat it?"

“Are we any closer to the cure for space weirdness?” / “No. Except also yes.”

Love all the vague science that goes into solving their problem at the last minute but also extremely quickly by any objective standard.

Is Chekov restrained with seat belts?

Whereas Uhura’s just chilling. She knows what she’s about.

Ghost Kirk! Ghost Kirk!

"Do you suppose they're seeing Jim because they've lost confidence i you?" Damn bones, harsh. I thought we were done with this.

Pretty distressing that everything relies SO much on Scotty lol--arguably the MOST critical single member of the crew.

“I’m  sorry.” Glad to hear him say it, finally!

“He would just say ‘Forget it Bones.’“ Adorable.

I feel like everyone’s simultaneously thinking, ‘Okay, we ALL see that, right?”

I am overwhelmed by the longing in that shot of Spock trying to reach Kirk through the dimensions. Like, we’ve established everyone loves him, everyone misses him, everyone wants to see him, but Spock actually approaches him and tries to meet him...

“We were separated. He couldn’t touch me.”

I want to know Scotty’s opinion on Spock’s crazy statue.

So Spock shouldn’t have fired those phasers? Because they... did something... bad to the dimensions? But what other choice did he have, other than to leave without Kirk?

Wasn’t Scotty literally just saying this wasn’t fixable? And now he’s like ‘eh, I can fix it in 20 minutes and get you 80% power’?

The antidote is derived from a nerve gas used by the Klingons...that’s honestly rather hilarious. They’re good for something I guess.

“It simply deadens certain nerve inputs in the brain.” / “Any decent brand of Scotch’ll do that.” Starfleet’s finest lmao.

Lmao Mccoy's no longer drugging the crew he's straight up killing parts of their brains with booze and deadly nerve gas. The man must be stopped.

Noooo don’t give Scotty the whole bottle. We’ve already established the ship doesn’t run without him.

They still gotta get out of the web.

If I shipped McCoy/Spock I would DEFINITELY ship it in that little moment where they look at each other over the glasses.

I have no idea what happened but they seem to be free. Bye Tholians!

Kirk back in the chair where he belongs <3

“No problems worth reporting”--I mean that is technically true, I GUESS.

Kirk is trying to get the gossip.

“Only what one would expect when humans are involved.” / “What humans?” The oxygen hasn’t fully returned to his brain, I see.

Also he is completely lying about understanding McCoy’s explanation.

Sulu and Chekov are having a great time listening in. Collecting future gossip for the cafeteria.

“M-my last orders. That I left for both of you.” He’s adorable.

"The crisis was upon us and then passed so quickly that w-we...." Lol yes the crisis came and then 4 hours later, it was passed! Just like that.

I totally get that Kirk wants them to admit they watched the tape. It was his orders that they watch it first, plus he knows he said helpful stuff and he wanted to be helpful! But I also get why they don’t want to admit they saw it, because it is rather awkward to admit they watched his last words when he’s... not dead.

That was a great ep overall! I really enjoyed it.

My only two complaints are that there wasn’t enough Kirk, and I wasn’t fond of Bones’s characterization. I mean, I get that he was affected by the... space weirdness and maybe his usual prejudices were purposefully exaggerated to show that but it still felt like he was constantly piling up on Spock and in the most unhelpful way. Like, they often disagree, in part because they have different general philosophies, and Bones often misunderstands Spock. But Bones wasn’t really offering anything helpful in terms of command advice, and his criticisms were both repetitive and incoherent. Did he want Spock to leave Jim behind or not? Was firing the phasers bad or necessary? Is Spock doing too much to save Jim or is he just out to get rid of him and take command? And again, he had like 6 moments where he said something cutting and cruel and...one or two of those go a lot farther to show the point. I also just... Bones really, really doesn’t get Spock, and I can see how he’d get meaner given the space aggression. But he’s not cruel. And he and Spock are friends, and he does know that Spock loves Kirk more than anything. So I did not find him IC overall.

But I did really like Spock and his characterization. I could feel all the emotion in him, so pent up and controlled but so present--especially in the moment when he held the tape Kirk made, but in so many other places as well--the “funeral,” the first moment after Kirk failed to materialize, reaching for him on the Bridge...

I also liked this portrayal of Spock in command. He is a good commander and he has obviously grown a lot since the Galileo Seven. But he’s not Jim, and the show is clear about that. Kirk is not replaceable and his job is not easy. I’m not even sure that Kirk would have done much different than Spock--he wouldn’t have left without one of his crew, and that probably would have involved firing on the Tholian ship. But when Spock did it, it really felt like he was overwhelmed, frustrated, and not thinking--he didn’t want to, but then Scotty said he should, and he did. Kirk would have made the decision, not been pressured into it. Would it have mattered? It comes out to the same, but I think it would have been a different scenario. Kirk only ever makes his own decisions--then he can own them, no matter what. That didn’t feel like Spock’s decision, and it affected others’ confidence in him (cough cough McCoy).

I would have to watch again to see if I thought there was any other choice.

This ep made me think of the cave scene in ST09 where Ambassador Spock meets Kirk and thinks he is HIS Kirk, come on purpose to find him. Because obviously Kirk is like that: he comes back from the dead, he finds Spock no matter what, he comforts and reassures and supports him no matter what. He would cross dimensions, he’d travel through time, he’d become No Longer Dead, if that’s what Spock needed.

I was a little disappointed that we didn’t see Kirk’s adventures in the AU lol. I think he was lying about being alone in the other universe. I want to see the fic where he was actually in the AOS verse lol.

Even though there wasn’t enough Kirk in this ep, I appreciated how strong his presence was anyway, seeing everyone love him so much, and seeing just how effective he is as a Captain by comparison with Spock, who is good and who did get them out of the situation, but who lacks that certain... Captain’s quality.

And it outright was a great Spock episode, and a good Spock and McCoy ep except for all of the OOC-ness in McCoy. I’m starting to feel like actually there’s a pretty significant amount of Spock and McCoy stories (this one, The Paradise Syndrome All Our Yesterdays, even Bread and Circuses) and I wish there were more Kirk and Bones stories, too. They are best friends after all!

Next is Plato’s Stepchildren, which is a pretty meh episode, but not awful.

[curiosity-killed]

a bow for the bad decisions

canon-divergent AU from ep. 24 (on ao3)

part 1| part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 |  part 12  | part 13 | part 14 | part 15 | part 16 | part 17 | part 18

“Shut up,” he hisses, wet. “Shut up.” Wei Wuxian falls silent and somehow that’s worse. His brother is silent, tears slipping down his cheeks, and it is worse than anything he could say aloud. “A-Cheng? Xianxian?” Swallowing, he unclenches his fingers from around Wei Wuxian’s collar and sinks back onto his heels. Released, Wei Wuxian sways and stutters back down, his eyes downcast. “What’s wrong?” a-jie asks, worry thrumming through her voice. Wei Wuxian bows his head still, leaving this confession for Jiang Cheng. Anger echoes through Jiang Cheng’s chest at the way he presents himself as if waiting for punishment. It’s what he deserves; it hurts that he thinks it’s coming.

He hesitates for a moment. As much as he scolded Wei Wuxian for the same thing, he doesn’t want to worry jiejie more than necessary. If she knows Wei Wuxian’s core is gone, she’ll not only have all that backed up worry from the war but also fresh worry every time he wanders off without one of them. She fusses over the both of them enough as is; she shouldn’t strain herself so much for them. 

On the other hand, there’s no one able to persuade Wei Wuxian like a-jie. And — and he’s not sure he can keep it a secret from her. He didn’t know Wei Wuxian could; Jiang Cheng is used to being in on his pranks and lies, not kept out by them. He swallows. “Wei Wuxian’s core is gone,” he says. Distantly, he’s a little proud how steadily he says it. His voice comes out a little inflectionless, but it doesn’t shake or, gods forbid, break in a sob. Wei Wuxian’s head dips lower. His hands still hang at his sides, shoulders curved forward. He hears the hitch in jiejie’s breath, the quiet gasp, before he forces himself to look up. One hand covers her lips, the other pressed to her stomach, and she stares wide-eyed at Wei Wuxian. “A-Xian,” she breathes out. He swallows, draws his hands over his knees so that they’re both tight around the stupid flute. Jiang Cheng’s teeth grit, jaw clenching in useless anger. What right does he have to look so browbeaten, so defeated? He’s kept up this lie for years — so successfully that the whole cultivation world has no idea. Of course he would. Even mediocre, even without the golden core that impressed everyone up to Lan Qiren himself, he can bend the world to his wishes. What is impossible for Wei Wuxian? “Wei Wuxian, don’t you have anything to say?” he snaps.  His throat bobs as he swallows before he shifts, straightening up on his knees so that he’s facing both of them equally. Folding his hands before him, he stretches them out and bows his forehead flat to the floor. “I am sorry, shijie, Jiang Cheng,” he says quietly. Horror shoots through Jiang Cheng’s chest at the sight. This isn’t— he didn’t— This isn’t what he wanted. “A-Xian,” a-jie says over the rustle of her skirts as she crosses the room and tugs up on his elbows. “A-Xian, stop that. You don’t need to — to apologize like that.” He rises only reluctantly and keeps his gaze down. “I can’t fulfill my duties as Head Disciple of Yunmeng Jiang,” he says, evenly like he’s reciting facts. “I am no longer fit for the title or — or position. I can leave.” “Shut up,” Jiang Cheng snaps. “Shut up. You’re not going anywhere. What the hell are you thinking? You’re our brother. Did I stop being your brother when Wen Zhulio got me?” His eyes flick to Jiang Cheng, something almost fearful in the way they dart sideways to him. He hates that as much as he hates this awful, complacent self-sacrifice. “A-Cheng’s right, Wuxian,” jiejie says. She reaches out for his wrist, giving it a squeeze. “You’re our brother no matter what. You shouldn’t have kept this from us but now that we know, we can figure it out together. We can help you.” For all that she’s never been very strong at cultivation, Jiang Cheng privately thinks a-jie knows a whole different form of magic with her words and voice. She could calm a typhoon with only the right words. Now, Wei Wuxian doesn’t look wholly convinced, but he gives a trembling nod. It’s something, at least. It’s not like Jiang Cheng knows how they’re going to fix this, either, what help they can give. A-jie’s right: they’ll figure it out together. “It’s late,” a-jie says. “Why don’t we all go to bed and we’ll figure things out in the morning?” It feels like they’re little kids again, caught throwing tantrums because they missed a nap. Still, they both rise and let a-jie guide them out of the hall, one on either side of her like overgrown guard dogs. They escort her to her rooms first, like good brothers, and she pauses at the door to reach up and cradle Wei Wuxian’s damp cheek. “A-Xian,” she says softly, “we’ll get through this. No matter what, we three will solve it together. Alright?” He gives an obedient nod, and she smiles, smoothing back his hair absently. She looks over to include Jiang Cheng in her smile and reaches out to squeeze his wrist once. He summons up an answering smile and gives her a nod. He feels heartened somehow, impossibly, by her steady calm. After saying their goodnights, he and Wei Wuxian turn back to walk to their own rooms. “In the morning, Healer Xiong should look you over,” he says a few steps in. “See if your demonic cultivation has affected your meridians or if there’s anything she can do.” He remembers, still, the burning hollow after. How it felt like emptiness was a physical thing chewing away at the stem of his heart, the fine thread of his veins. He thinks of Wen Qing, her brusque manners and stubborn care. He brushes the thought away. It’s not like she could fix his core in the end anyway. “Ai, no, there’s no need for that,” Wei Wuxian says. “I’m fine, really. There’s no sense troubling Healer Xiong, and anyway, who knows my body better than me? I can tell you my meridians are fine.” The deflection is too similar to what he said back when they first found him over Wen Chao’s wailing form. It’s said more lightly this time, but it still echoes that same words he used against Lan Wangji, and Jiang Cheng shoots him a sharp look. “Don’t be stupid,” he says. “If you actually want any chance of figuring this out, we need the best help we can get. It’s not like Healer Xiong will tell anyone anyway. She’s been with us since a-jie was born.” Wei Wuxian grimaces slightly, looking away. He worries at his bottom lip for a second, as if chewing on his words, and Jiang Cheng frowns, waiting. At last he sighs. “It’s just — I uh I used resentful energy to heal some injuries,” he admits. “Nothing bad! Just — you know Healer Xiong will see that and then give me that sad look she has like I just ran over all her herbs—” “She didn’t even yell at you when you ruined her herbs, you baby.” “—and you know how awful that look is,” Wei Wuxian continues. “It’s like she’s sad she’s somehow failed you and then you just feel terrible. It’s the worst.” Glaring at him, Jiang Cheng crosses his arms. It’s true that Xiong Chunfeng has perfected the art of looking disappointed to the point that he thinks she might have been able to stop the war if they only got her in front of Wen Ruohan at the start. Her whole face goes soft and sad, dark eyes searching like she’s trying to understand how she could have done better in order to prevent their mistakes. Just thinking about it makes his skin itch with old shame. “Fine,” he relents, dropping his arms. “But as soon as it’s cleared up, you go see her.” “Of course. Right away,” Wei Wuxian agrees readily. They continue a few steps in silence, Jiang Cheng casting searching looks out of the corner of his eye. He doesn’t remember Wei Wuxian getting hurt recently. In the war, they weren’t often fighting too close to each other, but Wei Wuxian always had his corpses and ghouls and spirits spiraling out from him like the branches of a hurricane. He frowns. “How bad?” he asks. “Eh? Oh.” Wei Wuxian’s smile falters a moment, just a flicker, before he grins and waves it off. “It’s nothing. Stop worrying, Jiang Cheng, your face is going to stick like that and then who’ll ever marry you?” Jiang Cheng jerks away as Wei Wuxian loops his arm around his shoulders, cheeks heating red. He’s a sect leader, fought in a war — he shouldn’t still be flustered by something so stupid, but he can’t help the flush that burns his ears. “Shut up. I wouldn’t have to worry if you weren’t such an idiot,” he mutters. When he elbows Wei Wuxian this time, it’s gentle, barely a nudge. Wei Wuxian is silent a moment before his arm slips off Jiang Cheng’s back. He misses the familiar warmth immediately. “Jiang Cheng, don’t do that,” he says quietly.

“Do what?” Jiang Cheng snaps back. He can already feel the shame creeping up as quickly as his brief embarrassment. All their lives they’ve roughhoused and shoved each other recklessly, using their strength because they knew each other could match it. They hadn’t during the war, but Wei Wuxian had been cold and closed off, and the distance had felt wrong. It had felt like he didn’t remember how to hug the one time Jiang Cheng had embraced him, before he was scared off by Wei Wuxian’s sharp new edges. Now — now he isn’t sure how to close that distance without hurting his brother. When they were younger, he could shove Wei Wuxian because he knew he was strong enough to shove back harder. Without his core, though, he’s missing that power. It’s what started all this in the first place. “Acting like I’m going to fall apart at any second,” Wei Wuxian says. “I meant what I said. I’m not fragile or — or broken. You don’t have to act any differently. We could just — forget all this. Go back to normal.” He doesn’t sound particularly hopeful, and Jiang Cheng swallows. They can’t go back, no matter what either of them say. They can’t go back to any of it — to before Lotus Pier burned, before his parents died, before the war and Wei Wuxian’s ghostly path. Even if he never found out about Wei Wuxian’s core, they can never go back to the way it was.

[dear-wormwoods]

–> Playlist: Richie Tozier Tells the Truth <–

I said I would maybe post this today and here I am! Posting something when I said I would! Cutting it close though. 

So this playlist is like... Richie’s life if everything in the story stayed the same except that Reddie actually happened (so it’s heavily Reddie themed, but this playlist narrative does still include Eddie dying... just fyi). There’s an accompanying Eddie playlist that mirrors this one, but I’m not sure I’m 100% satisfied with the order of things so I won’t post it tonight. 

Detailed explanations underneath. Spoiler alert: shit gets depressing.

1. The Barrens: I like starting my playlists with instrumental tracks or something that has limited vocals, and so this was a perfect fit. Moses the Band has an EP that is all about IT, but I’ll have a lot more to say about one I put on the Eddie list. But uh, this does tie in with the final song, Birch Tree, for Reasons. 

2. I’m Good: Richie is super insecure but simultaneously really confident in his interests and abilities, so this is equal parts him actually feeling good about where he’s at and him just trying to convince himself he is. There’s also a good bit in there about being there for his friends.

3. Talk Too Much: Self explanatory. Richie talks too much. But this song is also supposed to kind of fit his Eddie flirtation in their youth - that it’s all meant to come off as teasing, but there’s a secret undertone of seriousness there.

4. Best Friend: For once he stops fucking around and actually admits to himself that he has real feelings for Eddie and it’s not a joke. He wants to say something but doesn’t want to ruin their friendship, the classic trope.  

5. The Less I Know the Better: This song is less literal, but in this context it’s about Richie knowing that Eddie has an idolization crush on Bill and not wanting to know if something is really happening there. He wants to get over his own feelings, but still wishes that Eddie (my love) would look at him that way instead.

6. Rules Don’t Stop: The recklessness anthem. This is after something does happen between him and Eddie, but he’s trying to play it off like it’s less serious than he wants it to be because he’s scared, and knows that Eddie has internal conflict about what they’re doing. 

7. American Money: This one is very much like that idealized vision of teenage love, where everything is new and exciting and feels eternal. This is that brief moment of perfect teen Reddie with love confessions and plans to run away together and all of that good stuff... before life separates them and their families move out of Derry. 

8. Float On: This is when Richie is about to move and is reassuring Eddie that they’ll be fine. Life will go on but they won’t stay apart, everything will be okay. He’s optimistic about continuing their lives together after a year or two of separation, but...

9. Time to Pretend: Now this is the point where Richie’s memories start to really fade. After he moves out to California and starts to get involved in TV/comedy/whatever he ends up doing, he gets pretty easily caught up in that fake, desperate, pseudo-celebrity lifestyle where he’s living way beyond his means and making bad decisions, taking nothing seriously, etc. 

10. Silvertongue: As he’s growing more successful, he’s realizing just how much of asset his ability to talk his way into/out of shit really is. He’s gaining notoriety, making money, fucking around and breaking hearts, and still making bad decisions. 

11. While I’m Alive: At this point, Richie is starting to feel lonely. He’s not making emotional connections with anyone, and something is missing. So at this point he’s living life in the moment, embracing his vices, and neither thinking ahead nor dwelling on the past. 

12. Rest My Chemistry: I think that during his adult life, Richie would dabble too much in the party scene. The book says he’s done cocaine “a few times”, but I think it’d be much more of a Thing if he actually had Eddie at one point and then lost him, but doesn’t remember the relationship - just the emptiness it left behind. The “you’re so young” parts of this song reflect, in this context, Richie sort of remembering Eddie when he’s high - in his mind, he sees Eddie’s face as it was when he last saw him, but he doesn’t remember who this person is at all. 

13. I Have Made Mistakes: This is the “post phone call” song. At this point, Mike has called the Losers back, and Richie is starting to remember the past. He’s recognizing that he has to go face his fears and reconnect with his past, but he’s not sure how he and Eddie’s reunion will go.

14. Strangers to Ourselves: After coming back to Derry and initially reuniting with the other Losers, it becomes clear that the amnesia has affected them all and they’re really strangers now, having lived entire lives without knowing each other. It’s a bittersweet reunion. 

15. Press Rewind: This is like, the Richie Walking Tour song. It’s pretty self explanatory, since Richie is probably the Loser who is most aware that he has experienced a freaky regression since returning to Derry, feeling like a kid again and assuming his same role in the group. 

16. Simple Song: Richie and Eddie finally get some alone time that night and reconnect, things get emotional, Richie is finally able to voice how serious his feelings were when they were younger. They reminisce about the days when they were together, look back on all the years they lost being separated, and start making promises that they’ll stay together when all this is over. 

17. No One’s Gonna Love You: This is the point at which shit starts to go south. They’re headed into the sewers, and the reality of this high risk situation is setting in. Thinking that he might really die down there, Richie expresses his feelings again and his remorse that they weren’t able to spend their lives together. (Sidenote: the torn limb bit at the beginning of this song was a TOTAL accident I’m so sorry lmao, it’s too meta)

18: Carry You: So this is when Eddie dies. While he’s dying, Richie is trying to provide comfort and make him smile, all while making futile promises that they’ll get out of this and everything will be okay. Extra added layer of irony because Richie isn’t actually able to like... y’know... carry him out of the darkness. 

19. Afterlife: This song is symbolic of what I was talking about in one of my other posts, about how Richie is eager to return to his life and forget about Derry and everyone. This is him sort of partly in denial (can we work it out?), partly enraged (scream and shout), and partly asking the universe if it’s actually possible to be okay now. He bounces back and forth trying to process his sudden grief over someone he’d forgotten about for 20+ years, knowing, and hoping, that he’ll be able to bury these memories too. When love is gone, where does it go? Where do we go? In the end, he accepts that going forward will mean that living will be its own brand of afterlife. Nothing lasts forever. (Too meta: this song contains the words dead lights)

20. Birch Tree: So this song is like... meant to be this sort of uplifting epilogue, because Richie does move on with his life, and the memories do fade. He doesn’t fear death anymore, but he’s not sure why. Time will go by, life will fade, and that’s okay now. There is this lovely imagery of the old hometown, Derry, and the river, the Kenduskeag flowing through the Barrens. He’ll go back there, to where he was happiest, when mortality does catch up to him. Eddie will meet him there, and they’ll finally have all the time in the world. 

[mittensmorgul]

Hello Mittens :) Do you think the 300th ep painted John in a more positive light than it should have? I don't really hate John, but I felt like they brushed past a lot of trauma he caused Sam and Dean for the sake of a reunion episode. I know that trauma wasn't forgotten, since it was intentionally brought up right before the 300th ep. I'm just kinda curious why they didn't address that kind of raw trauma we've seen before directly with John

Eh... maybe taken out of context of the rest of the season, or just looking at the scenes with John out of context with the rest of the episode, it could look like they were handwaving the sorts of trauma that we’ve watched Sam and Dean suffer through for the last 14 seasons, but there’s your answer right there.

We have been watching Sam and Dean struggle with the legacy their father left them with for the last 14 seasons. We aren’t watching these few minutes of conversation in a vacuum. We didn’t just jump right from 2.01 to 2.22 to 14.13 with nothing in between.

Sam and Dean have both repeatedly addressed how they were raised, how much it sucked, what their relationship with their father was like (both awful and good, because their lives weren’t 24/7 awful, you know?). They’ve both come to a greater understanding of their father now that they’re adults themselves that have had to face horrors that even John could’ve never conceived of when he was alive (how many apocalypses? being chosen personally by God for this horrific destiny? And even John and Mary having been mere pawns in this longer cosmic game being played with their lives?). I mean, Sam and Dean Know Things About Things.

They met God. And Dean shared his disappointment in the ultimate cosmic father figure, who then advised Dean not to conflate him with his own father. Basically hung a lampshade on that parallel for all of us.

Then there was Mary’s return, her uncovering the truth of all of this, the horror that she hadn’t been able to save her children from the life she never wanted for them, and that John had been the one to drive them through that terrible life. She was disillusioned, guilt-ridden, and horrified at the way her kids were raised. But she also still did miss him, you know?

People can actually feel a complex mix of feelings for each other. And given one final chance, knowing full well it is their one final chance, they can choose-- as Dean said in 14.05-- to lay their baggage down.

We also can’t forget the direct parallel we were given in the previous episode, of Nick having this chance to reconcile with the ghost of his wife, to free her from imprisonment in their old house suffering the death of their child alone, and he failed to do that. He chose Lucifer and himself over her. While in the very next episode, John was sort of presented with a similar circumstance. He immediately and without hesitation chose again to sacrifice himself for Mary. He didn’t even have to think about it. And in turn, he had to accept Sam and Dean’s lives over the last 13 years since he died, and his role in the traumas of their shared past that shaped them and led directly to a lot of their personal suffering as children and adults. But there was also general acknowledgement-- especially from Dean-- that he likes the person he’s become despite all that. And that he wouldn’t change it now.

They chose to lay the baggage of the past down, to not dwell on the past that they can’t change, and chose the future instead.

And from an “outside the story” perspective, they’ve finally laid the character of John to rest. It’s honestly a relief to me, because yes he fucked up their lives. We get it. We’ve been getting that for 14 years now. Let’s try to grow beyond that now. He’s gone, they can’t change the past, but they can acknowledge it and move forward with a healthier mindset about all of it now.

Because the episode wasn’t about JOHN. It was about how far Sam and Dean (and even Mary, now that she’s alive again, and even CAS in his role in the story brought to the future from a point in time where he’d never met the Winchesters and fell for humanity) have come since then. And they’re not in the same place they were back in early s2 after John’s death, you know? They’d long since exhausted the desire to yell in his face. I mean, Dean confronted this directly in s3. How long should he be expected to have held on to all those toxic feelings? Because honestly if they’d all started yelling it would’ve just been... the grumpy toddler poop flinging hour, and I really expect more of all of them after all these years, you know?

Fandom may not have forgiven John, but thank heck Sam and Dean have at least gained some perspective and learned that he doesn’t still have to dictate their lives to them 13 years after he died, you know? Good for them for actually maturing to this point where they can see a future for themselves not burdened by toxic feelings that they’ve been working through all along the way.

eek, sorry about that... I’ve just got a lot of feelings rooted in the long context of watching Sam and Dean struggle with their childhood memories, with their lives as John’s little soldiers, and everything they’ve learned in the intervening years that have actually contextualized the suffering they endured. They’ve learned it wasn’t all entirely John’s Terrible Parenting, and that even he was manipulated by cosmic nonsense into the situation they were raised in. I mean, yeah, they’re not blind to the specific choices HE made along the way in reaction to the cosmic nonsense, and it’s not like they’re just forgiving him for all the terrible things he did to them, but heck, they are actually seeing the bigger picture here, and John’s part in it all is so far in the past for them as to be easier than they ever imagined it could be to set that bag down and walk forward down the road now, you know?

The one I’m actually concerned for is Mary, because for her it’s only about two and a half years out beyond where she learned John was dead, and she hasn’t had an entire lifetime to deal with this yet like Sam and Dean have. Plus she just got another cosmic screw-over. For John it may have been an easy choice to go back to his life where she’d died decades ago, if it meant that Sam and Dean could someday get their mom back. But for Mary? She had the wound of John’s loss reopened just as it was beginning to heal over and now suddenly she feels that pain fresh again. Because if it weren’t for her, would dean and Sam have chosen to keep their wish, with their alternate lives, if it meant having John back? I mean, no I don’t think they would’ve, but the wish would only allow them to have one or the other, not both, which meant she would lose John all over again.

And heck, isn’t that what Bobby said back in 5.15 when he was losing hope for stopping the apocalypse? When he had to kill Karen again?

DEAN: Hey, look, I don't know squat from shinola about love, but... At least you got to spend five days with her, right?BOBBY: Right. Which makes things about a thousand times worse. She was the love of my life. How many times do I got to kill her?

And I can only assume that’s about how Mary feels right at that moment. Because maybe she didn’t kill John directly, but the cosmic joke makes her the indirect reason for his death in 2.01 (her deal with Azazel come back around), and her very existence was the reason he went back in time to suffer that same fate again. Owwww.

So, no, I don’t think they brushed past this trauma for the sake of a reunion episode. Because I have context of the entire last 14 seasons of the show telling me otherwise.

[wouriqueen]

손 : The Guest - The finale

The Guest is now over ! 

On one hand, I’ll miss our trio a lot. On another hand, it’s a bit of a relief to not have to worry about them every week - I was so, so stressed watching the last 2 episodes, I kept pausing...

A few thoughts about this finale under the cut - about the storytelling, the plot twist, and my remaining questions ! (Like for example, what exactly undid PID?)

THE PACING

I overall really, really liked the pacing of this finale ! The dramatic opening, the treacherous lull, the big reveal, the tragic climax and the happy ending - I liked it a lot. 

Especially the lull ! Paradoxically, despite the first half of the finale being full of sweet moments, it was SO stressful ! Because Priest Yang kills himself so early into the episode, you KNOW there’s no way it’s over. But I was so surprised, I felt like every scenario I had imagined had flown out the window ... (not true in the end, since we still got Martyr!HwaPyung and Martyr!Yoon competing for the privilege to die.....) 

More importantly, Yukgwang said that PID might jump out of his dead vessel’s body to possess someone else, so I legit thougt one of the three had gotten possessed. And since Yoon was the only one who didn’t turn his eyes away when Priest Yang hit the ground, and then stayed by his side to mourn ... I thought he might have gotten caught then.

Anyway, that lull was great because you watch them settle back into life, dealing with the aftermath, and you know the other shoe is about to drop any minute, and it made me so stressed ! Kept me on the edge of my seat.

About Park Il Do explaining to Hwa Pyung why everything happened the way it did : I think it was well written but a bit too expository. Nice that it made sense and matched a lot of what we had figured out. But it was too long and detailed imo. The “Show, don’t tell” rule could have been applied to some of the stuff he said.

About who lives and who dies ... they really kept me screaming in fear for each of them almost until the end ! Especially when they were fighting in the sea.

THE BIG REVEAL

I think the show did a good job at giving us only disputable clues about whether or not Grandpa was PID, to confuse us ...

First, the clues that he might have been PID were disputable ... 

“PID is still at your house” said Priest Choi - but he was possessed, and demons lie. 

“Your grandfather is PID” said Hwa Pyung’s dad - but he was the type to run first and check never, like he did to Hwa Pyung, so how reliable could he have been ? 

AT THE SAME TIME, the two main clues that made us think ‘Oh, it’s not him’ were very convincing .... but looking back on it they were disputable too. 

Him suffering from the bus ride - 'proving’ that he was still himself ? Okay, but 20 years would have been a long time posing as Grandpa, he could have been putting a show for his fellow villagers. 

Him getting stabbed ? Okay, but he didn’t die, and we know demons can force even a sick, paralyzed body, to move normally when they inhabit it. So getting his vessel stabbed, to lift the suspicion off him among other things, couldn’t have been a big deal. 

And talking about confusing : when in episode 14 we see Grandpa’s hospital bed empty, I wondered if he’d been kidnapped by Priest Yang, or possessed - or maybe ... ? At the same time, you have Priest Yang telling Hwa Pyung that he fails to protect those in need - so you think ‘oh, he was kidnapped’. But he also says: “You fail to see what’s true”. And I thought, “could it be, he was actually possessed all this time ?” In the end, it was both, haha

... And the show also did a really good job at distracting us from analyzing all that ! 

Demons lie, but what Priest Choi said turned out to be true in some way since Yukgwang found something at Hwa Pyung’s family house. And why would Priest Yang hide anything there ? BUT the show worked SO HARD to distract us from that : I mean, Grandpa does get “kidnapped”, so no reason to doubt him anymore, right ? Not to mention, the suspicion around Hwa Pyung, Yoon’s impending doom,  Priest Yang looking like he was about to strangle Grandpa, and of course, acting like he was the mastermind of it all. Maybe some of you weren’t fooled, but I was !

REMAINING QUESTIONS

I think the writers tied the loose ends quite neatly.  But here are my last questions / musings, in order of importance !

Not to be annoying but ... WHY did PID disappear, exactly ? I mean, Hwa Pyung did not die (not complaining). And Yoon did not complete his exorcism, since he did not die either. (Not complaining). So technically, neither of their plan succeded. Could it mean that Yoon’s desperate prayers to God worked out ? “I can’t defeat my enemy so please save my friend” ? “Please protect my hyung” ? That’s ... very lucky I guess... But again, not complaining !! Just curious lol.

Why did the Holy cross cause pain to Priest Yang and Park Hong Joo even though they weren’t possessed ? And why did Yoon suffer while trying to exorcise Priest Yang - who wasn’t possessed? PHJ had to brace herself before going into the church. Yoon prayed over his rosary before offering it to her, and it caused her serious pain. Same for Priest Yang - when Yoon tried to prove he was possessed to the parish council, and put a cross on his head while praying, his hands clenched in pain. Could it be that when you follow the devil for a long time, your soul becomes so corrupted, that you can’t be in prolonged contact with anything holy ? As if you too, in some way, had turned into a demon ? And is that why Yoon was in pain trying to exorcise Priest Yang - because Priest Yang had become soaked into PID’s evil energy, and Yoon’s curse responded to that ?

Was Priest Yang planning killing PID in the hospital?  Before Hong Joo called him, Priest Yang was in Grandpa’s hospital room, and it looked like he was going to strangle him. If he was, could it be because the trio was after him and threatening his lifestyle, and he didn’t feel like serving PID was a good deal anymore ? I mean, he did say : “I didn’t want to do this, but your grandson keeps following me”.

Why exactly did Priest Yang kill himself ? Learning that he wasn’t possessed made me soooo curious about him. He was clearly tired of living this way, which is why he said : “Now, I’m free”. But does that mean he hadn’t really ever been on board with PID’s beliefs, but was too scared to oppose him? Or is it just being his servant that he hated ? OR did he just kill himself because he was a wanted man, with no way left to live among people ?

Did Priest Yang still have affection for Yoon ? Raising Yoon himself makes much more sense if he wasn’t possessed. Because even if PID did decide to let Yoon live back then, out of arrogance, the thought that he would take care of Yoon himself while he was becoming a powerful exorcist was a bit weird. But then, did Priest Yang love Yoon ? When Yoon keeps on trying to exorcise him on the rooftop, Priest Yang looks mad. I thought it was PID worrying that Yoon might really get rid of him despite his curse, but ... he wasn’t possessed. So was he just in pain because of Yoon’s prayers ? Or was he worried about Yoon ? Could he have killed himself because he decided he didn’t want Yoon to die after all? (Hence him saying “Two people were supposed to die (Yoon and Kil Young, since PID needed Hwa Pyung) but only one will die tonight (Priest Yang himself)”).

Did PID / Grandpa really sneak out of the hospital JUST to possess Sister Kim and PHJ’s driver? Which would be why his bed was empty in ep 14. We know that when Priest Yang ‘kidnapped’ him, he went through proper trasnfer procedures - and I don’t think it’s possible at night. So it had to have been done the next morning, after escaping from Hwa Pyung. Which means Grandpa went out, did the deed, snuck back in, left again with Priest Yang in the morning ... That’s a lot of work for two possessions that didn’t achieve much lmao. Priest Yang could have just killed them ...

Anyway ! This got super long, but I just needed to get it out of my system. Would love to read other people’s thoughts on these =D

[sheplaysthegames]

20 Questions for Simmers

1.) Favorite Sims Game

While I have played and loved every version of The Sims, I think my absolute favorite was The Sims 2. It was the one I couldn’t put down! The little details and humor are what really stand out when I look back, and I don’t remember having any real problems with it either since the game itself was pretty solidly developed and bugs tended to be squashed quickly. Overall, I was never bored playing The Sims 2 and I still occasionally boot it up just to reminisce.

2.) Yourself in 3 Traits

Ambitious, dog lover, neat

3.) CC or No CC

I play with a small amount of CC. Everything I download is Maxis-match, and I pull pieces out whenever we get new official content that I can use instead.

4.) Preferred Part of the Game

I really like each part of the game and try to spend my time evenly among them. Lately I’ve been building and messing around in CAS more than actually playing though. Oops!

5.) Favorite Expansion Pack

In The Sims, my favorite EP was Makin’ Magic. I was so young when I played that I thought I was incredibly clever for figuring out the pattern to the spells in the dueling arena so that I’d win every time. And I had a lot of fun creating one of each type of potion and then trying them out on the poor, unsuspecting townies!

In The Sims 2, my favorite EP was Bon Voyage. I spent so much time completing every single vacation memento! Some of them were really hard to figure out too, so finishing the collection was really rewarding to me. All three of the destinations were equally fun to explore with their local dances, gestures, foods, and massages. I could really feel the difference between visiting Takemizu Village, Twikki Island, and Three Lakes.

In The Sims 3, my favorite EP was Ambitions. The firefighter career and the new inventing skill were the real highlights to me. I spent weeks creating a Simbot without cheating, and firefighting was a really exciting change from the standard rabbithole careers. Another neat feature was the ability to sculpt statues of Sims. Never-melting ice sculptures looked great in mansions, and of course stone sculptures made great monuments to ‘famous’ Sims in town.

In The Sims 4, my favorite EP (so far) is Seasons. The weather effects are beautiful, the raincoats and rainboots and umbrellas are adorable, kiddie pools are the greatest item ever created, and temperature is just such a vital addition that it's finally starting to feel like a full game for me! Seasons and weather in general also function differently in each world, which is perfect. I didn’t want snow in Oasis Springs, and Brindleton Bay desperately needed fog and rain to feel complete.

6.) Favorite Game Pack

In The Sims 4, my favorite GP (so far) is Vampires. I never really liked this life state before, but this time around they’re fantastic! The abilities help differentiate each vampire from one another, and I love that they don’t have to ask permission nicely before biting a Sim. The sticker cracks and spider webs are also something I’d been wanting to help make places seem less perfect. Overall, the life state seems so detailed and sets a much higher bar for future life states. I don’t even mind paying for each individually if they’re this well-done.

7.) Favorite Stuff Pack

In The Sims 2, my favorite SP was H&M Fashion. Honestly, I just really loved all the new clothing that kept my Sims from constantly matching each other. And building a clothing store with all the cool retail items that came with it was a lot of fun too!

In The Sims 3, my favorite SP was Town Life. The rabbitholes were more modern and added some variety since most of the others were the same building with slightly different colors. I had a lot of fun remodeling my more modern worlds with them.

In The Sims 4, my favorite SP (so far) is Laundry Day. I’m a sucker for realism elements so adding another menial chore for my Sims makes me happy. The laundry system is surprisingly complex, the furniture filled in a lacking farmhouse style I felt was missing from the game, and stackable machines look perfect in apartments. The clothing and hairstyles were also very well-done and I have to actively try not to overuse them on all my Sims.

8.) Least Favorite Expansion Pack

In The Sims, my least favorite EP was House Party. It felt like the smallest addition we were given, and parties weren’t enough for me to explore more than a handful of times before I got bored. As soon as the next EP came out, I moved on to the new content and I don’t think I ever threw another party again.

In The Sims 2, my least favorite EP was Nightlife. It wasn’t bad at all, it was just the one I used the least. My personal gameplay style at the time was incredibly family-oriented and you just don’t take your kids to clubs. I only ever went to the new Downtown subhood for first dates and a few marriage proposals since the date interactions were pretty cute.

In The Sims 3, my least favorite EP was Showtime. I don’t think I ever really played with anything from it. The ‘optional’ online connection where you would send your Sims to someone else’s game to perform really made me mad since some of the items you paid for were locked away behind it and I had no desire to participate. And the whole in-game news feed and achievement system were horrible and really caused problems. The venues were also super glitchy so even when I did give the new active careers a go, trying to complete a performance was almost impossible. Overall, the whole thing felt like more trouble than it was worth.

In The Sims 4, my least favorite EP (so far) is Get to Work. I think my expectations were just too high going into it. The active careers are okay, but none of them make me actually want to follow my Sims to work past the first few days because they get highly repetitive and there’s no real risk associated with them. The retail system also seems a bit lacking. There are very few retail items to use when building a store, although I do have to mention that the clothing mannequins are pretty cool. And actually running it is too easy since you can just instantly restock the items even if they’re unique things that you’ve made your Sims create.

9.) Least Favorite Game Pack

In The Sims 4, my least favorite GP (so far) is Spa Day. It’s not nearly as immersive as the others. There isn’t much to do outside of getting a massage or doing yoga, and both are kind of boring to do repeatedly over and over. It doesn’t expand on the gameplay nearly enough to be categorized as a GP in my opinion; I’d demote it to SP.

10.) Least Favorite Stuff Pack

In The Sims 2, my least favorite SP was Glamour Life. It added the least versatile stuff. Most of my Sims weren’t swimming in cash, so the items, particularly the clothing, were rarely used since they’d look and feel out of place. 

In The Sims 3, my least favorite SP was Katy Perry’s Sweet Treats. I didn’t even buy it and I have no idea why anyone did. The objects were all horrible and cheesy. There was literally nothing good about it. At all. Ever.

In The Sims 4, my least favorite SP (so far) is My First Pet. No matter how many times they deny it, it’s a massive money grab. The furniture set literally completes what they left incomplete in Cats & Dogs! The clothing is for the most part just recolors of what we already have! And to top it all off, there’s just one new critter. They claim four, but it’s the same thing with a different skin overlay. I am perfectly fine with some items in a pack being dependent on owning previous packs so that they can continue to expand on past content. But to release this immediately after the associated EP and for it to pretty much be the rest of the items that we were missing from said EP...certainly seems like they withheld content just to wring an extra $10 from their players. Especially since it wasn’t even mentioned in their quarterly teaser. Haven’t bought it, and will not until it’s on sale.

11.) Custom or EA / Maxis Sims

EA / Maxis Sims are the best! I adore the premades and their unique, weird stories. My favorite thing to do is make them over and put an interesting spin on their storylines while still keeping them recognizable.

12.) Households or Single Sims

Definitely households. I prefer organized chaos with lots of things going on at once! There just isn’t enough to do when there’s only one Sim.

13.)  Free Will On or Off

Free will is always firmly set to off in my game. I’m a dictator when it comes to my Sims and I make no apologies for that.

14.)  Favorite Life Stage

Toddlers. They’re just so darn cute! The expanded skill building this time around is really cool since they actually learn in discernible stages instead of all at once, and I’m still not over their ability to go up and down stairs all on their own. The little mess-makers also have some of the cutest interactions with other Sims and their environment.

15.)  Favorite Life State

Aliens. The first time I ever had a Sim abducted was in The Sims 2, and it terrified me because I had no idea what was going on and didn’t know if he was ever going to come back. Then he was finally returned and popped out an alien baby! It was just so surprising and ever since I’ve had a particular fondness for extraterrestrials.

16.) Favorite Skill

Cooking is probably my favorite skill to build. Something about getting to see what those difficult dishes look like is just fun to me. Since The Sims 4 actually includes 3 separate skills for cooking, gourmet, and baking skills I’ve been having a blast discovering all the new recipes!

17.) Ever Completed a Legacy

Only once, way back in The Sims 2. It lasted a grand total of 16 generations before I wound up making the move to The Sims 3. I’ve tried numerous times since then, but The Sims 3 was too buggy to play a single file that long and The Sims 4 is still missing a couple of key features that I’d like to have before trying again.

18.) Longest Simming Session

When I had more free time (and was significantly younger), I happily confess to wasting away a full weekend playing The Sims 2. These days I’m lucky to get a couple hours a week here and there. Ah the joys of growing up!

19.) Personal Sims Wishlist

There are a few things I’m still really missing for The Sims 4. I’m hoping universities and witches are making a comeback soon as they’re crucial to my planned storylines. Fairies, werewolves, and a beach vacation world would also be wonderful to have but they’re less important to me.

20.) Unpopular Opinion

I don’t miss the open world system from The Sims 3 at all. I’m perfectly happy trading it for every world to be connected. Every save file is a megahood and I find that preferable to a single, completely open world. I also think that it makes the game more stable for everyone, especially lower-end computers. The loading screens are worth it!

[5sosdrfluke]

might be a bit drastic but 1-56 cause I wanna know it aaalllll

1: Favorite EP?

Somewhere New

2: Favorite song from an EP?

Beside You

3: Favorite song off of their first album?

Long Way Home

4: Favorite LIVESOS song?

Disconnected

5: Favorite songs that 5SOS abandoned? (Ex. Superhero, Perfect Disguise, etc) 

Superhero, Over and Over, and Teenage Queen

6: Overall favorite song?

Beside You (Will always be my #1)

7: Overall least favorite song?

Money (Just can’t really get into it)

8: Based off the limited things we know about the new album, what do you think your favorite song will be off of Sounds Good Feels Good?

I love Girl Who Cried Wolf so much.

9: She Looks So Perfect vs. She’s Kinda Hot

She’s Kinda Hot

10: Amnesia vs. She Looks So Perfect

Amnesia

11: Good Girls vs. Don’t Stop

Good Girls (The EP version though)

12: Favorite tattoo of Calum’s?

The silver fern, Mali Koa, and the Scottish thistle 

13: Favorite hair color on Mikey?

Red or blonde

14: Ashton’s bandana vs. fedora?

Bandana

15: Luke’s beard vs. no beard?

BEARD (FUCK)

16: Calum’s middle finger vs. Michael’s middle finger

Calum’s middle finger

17: Luke’s lip ring vs. Ashton’s tally tattoo

Luke’s lip ring (R.I.P)

18: Who’s voice makes your knees weak?

Calum’s right now. Especially in MYT Live. Ooof.

19: Who had the best fetus hair?

Ashton

20: Favorite cover?

I Miss You or Jasey Rae

21: Favorite keek?

“It’s my microwave.” Or the one with Cake in the bed with helium voices and Luke just says “Hellur” and they both start giggling.

22: Bromance vs. Sold Out

Bromance

23: Make up a fake reason as to why 5SOS named themselves 5SOS

They hated that summer seemed to only last 5 seconds, but it’s summer like almost always in Australia and they wished it only lasted 5 seconds so it’s a contradiction and that’s why it’s 5SOS now because they don’t have to talk about their love and hate of summer.

24: What should we be called if we weren’t the 5SOS fam?

FanSOS

25: If any, what merch do you own?

I have tour shirts from SLFL and MYT as well as a shirt from Hot Topic, a few posters, two signed ones, and a MYT Hoodie.

26: What is an item from the merch store/concert merch stands you desperately want?

I really want the Youngblood customizable jacket.

27: Have you ever been to a 5SOS concert?

Yes. I’ve been to the three concerts they’ve had in Denver. Take Me Home Tour, SLFL, and MYT

28: Have you ever talked to their security?

Yes, during the MYTT. 

29: Have you ever met any of the boys? If so who and where?

I have not! I was really close to them after the Take Me Home Tour but I was too shy to go say hi.

30: Have you ever made fan art?

Does makeup count?

31: Have you ever written any time of fan fiction about them?

Psh of course I have.

32: Have you ever considered doing 27-28?

Yes…?

33: Has 5SOS official ever reblogged anything from you?

No. I wish.

34: Do any of the boys follow you on Twitter? If so who?

No. I wish.

35: Off the top of your head what is your favorite tweet one of the boys have made?

Calum5SOS: “Michael is gamer guy. You are lead singer that looks like hungover Jesus. If we mix it up now it will confuse people.”

36: Out of all the boys major influences, which is your favorite?

All Time Low

37: Favorite ship?

Cashton

38: Cake vs. Muke

Cake

39: Muke vs. Malum

Muke

40: Muke vs. Cake

Cake

41: Pengy vs. Daniel

Pengy

42: Ketchup vs. Pengy

Ketchup 

43: Daniel vs. Ketchup

Ketchup

44: Have front row tickets and back stage passes so you meet them for a few minutes vs. Have lawn tickets and bump into them after the show giving you a little more time to talk

Lawn tickets because I want a more relaxed environment to talk with them.

45: White bass with love sticker vs. Black bass with pink X

Black bass with pink X

46: Cherry red guitar with stickers vs. Black Guitar with white X’s

Black guitar with white x’s

47: Mint guitar vs. White Guitar

Mint guitar

48: Drums with tallies vs. Drums with skull

Drums with tallies

49: If you could go up on stage for rejects who’s instrument would you want to play? (Including drums :))

Bass for sure

50: Rejects live vs. Wrapped around your finger live

Wrapped Around Your Finger Live

51: What I Like About You Live vs. American Idiot Live

What I Like About You Live

52: Rather get a guitar pick or drum stick?

Drum stick

53: Tallies vs. Heart Eye Skull

Tallies

54: Balls or fuck?

Fuck

55: Hi or hey?

Hey

56: How/When did you find out about 5SOS?

I was just going through YouTube in late 2012 and came across covers and loved them. Then I remember the tweet Louis tweeted and the announcement that I’d get to see them open for 1D. So it’s been a hot minute lol!

(Thanks for wanting to know all of these haha! It was cute. -Kenzie xx)

[kickdownthewalls]

TOP 20 ROCK/METAL ALBUMS OF 2018

This has been a year of surprises and disappointments in pretty equal measure. Judas Priest blew me away with their latest record (and tour) and Immortal made one of the most triumphant comebacks in metal history. On the other hand, Voivod’s new one felt strangely by-the-numbers, as did the latest from Riot V and Monster Magnet. Still, the sheer amount of releases out there, just in the traditional metal and thrash scenes, is somewhat mind-boggling, and there were plenty of excellent albums to be found.

(Countries represented this year: Italy, UK, Sweden, Norway, Germany, USA, Canada, Switzerland, Portugal, and Denmark).

20. BURNING WITCHES - Hexenhammer

Switzerland is a tiny nation, but they have given the world some of the most creative and diverse bands over the years, from Krokus to Celtic Frost to Samael and beyond. Burning Witches combine elements of melodic thrash and classic heavy metal for a sound that works quite well and is perfectly suited to Seraina Telli’s powerful vocal delivery. The album has its ups and downs but the title track and “Open Your Mind” are both flat-out brilliant.

19. PERPETRATÖR - Altered Beast

This is how I like my thrash metal: fast, evil, dirty, but still well-played and composed. Perpetratör hail from Portugal and this is only their second full album, but it is a scorcher. Songs like “Extreme Barbarity” and “Terminal Possession” are brutally fast in the vein of the early Germans, but the band explore some more mid-tempo riffs here and there as well. Like all my favorite thrash bands, these guys sound like they are playing just on the edge of what they can get away with and the effect is electric.

18. ARTILLERY - The Face of Fear

These Danish thrashers are one of those bands that has always had consistently quality releases but, for whatever reason, never really made the impact others in the genre have over the years. While the line-up has changed over time, the current incarnation has done three albums together now and sounds quite comfortable here. The drum sound is a bit ‘bonky’ for my tastes, but the quality of the tunes rises above it. Bonus points for the variety of songs on offer, too, from speedy, complex thrash, to power ballads to straight-ahead heavy metal.

17. LUCIFER - II

Lucifer’s brand of retro doom rock is both obvious in its influences and original in its assembly of said influences. The jazzier side of early Sabbath is the most prevalent element at work here, with riffs that range from heavy and evil to mournful and atmospheric. Despite some line-up changes, the sound is pretty consistent with the excellent debut from 2015, with perhaps a bit more clarity in the production (though nowhere near polished-sounding, fear not).

16. WITCHING HOUR - ...And Silent Grief Shadows the Passing Moon

The number of excellent bands with ‘witch’ in their name is strangely high this year and Germany’s Witching Hour are another to add to that list. This is their third full-length and displays a great deal of maturity and talent for writing complex yet compelling songs. Elements of black and thrash metal abound, but there is a lot of other stuff going on here, too, and lots of melody. The bass playing is particularly impressive and really adds a whole extra dimension to the music, while the vocals are a potent mix of plaintive and grim and complement the dark, intricate songs beautifully. This was a late-year release and, given some more spins, it will likely rise on this list.

15. SATAN - Cruel Magic

It is rare that a band can pull together their classic line-up the way that Satan did in 2013, let alone one that can then proceed to release three albums back-to-back that fall right in line with their old material. Cruel Magic is the latest of these and has all the hallmarks that made Satan great: finely-crafted heavy metal that is speedy and complex, organic production, and an overall sound that is truly their own. They may have only caught the tail-end of the NWOBHM but damn if they weren’t one of the scene’s best and it is heart-warming to see and hear them continuing the legacy 35 years later.

14. ABYSMAL GRIEF - Blasphema Secta

Abysmal Grief are Italian doom masters that create a sound that is heavy, gothic, creepy, and relentless all at once. Most songs are in the 8-9 minute range and are usually centered around a few core riffs, but the way the band build them up and vary them throughout really pulls the listener in. Keyboards are used quite a bit and to great effect, while the vocals range from mournful to menacing. The band has kept a very consistent style since day one, with only the production getting a little better with each release, and Blasphema Secta sounds both heavier and cleaner than anything prior.

13. STRIKER - Play to Win

Been following these stalwart Canucks since their debut EP a decade ago and I’m glad to see that they have continued to evolve and refine their sound with each new album. Play to Win is probably the most ‘commercial’ release to date, with tons of melody and big choruses, but there is still plenty of heaviness on tracks like “Heart of Lies” and “Summoner” to keep a nice balance. Striker has gotten really good at writing distinctive songs that aren’t just a collection of riffs but actual, well-constructed tunes.

12. BULLET - Dust to Gold

This Swedish quintet has been bashing it out for 15+ years and still manages to release an invigorating collection of hard rockin’ metal tunes. Stylistically, Dust to Gold covers a fair amount of ground, from heavy metal in the vein of Accept and Grave Digger to more upbeat rockers ala Krokus and AC/DC. The common denominator throughout is a sense of fun that is missing from entirely too many albums these days.

11. LEATHER - II

Leather’s powerful voice was always the thing that raised Chastain from a good band to a great one and I’m pleased to report that she sounds just as good in 2018 as she did in 1988. The opening track “Juggernaut” is one of the best speed metal songs I have heard in a while and the rest of the album is consistently good, too. Shades of Dio and Priest color the wide range of tunes here and the band turn in some excellent, spirited performances. Glad to see Leather back on the scene and, as much as I enjoyed the Chastain reunion records, I think this one is even better.

10. HAUNT - Burst Into Flame

Although I enjoyed the first Haunt EP, the full-length debut really takes it up a notch. This is classic, old-school heavy metal that reminds me a bit of the first couple of Cauldron albums, with some wonderful dual-guitar work thrown in for good measure. The vocals are clean but remarkably restrained compared to some of the screamers out there, making for a nice change of pace. Songs “Reflectors” and “Burst Into Flame” have a haunting (ahem) timelessness to them and the album flows really well from start to finish.

9. THE NIGHT FLIGHT ORCHESTRA - Sometimes the World Ain't Enough

Despite featuring members of Soilwork and Arch Enemy, this is a long, long way from death metal, melodic or otherwise. Although the band’s first effort had a distinctly late-70s hard rock vibe to it, each record since has taken the listener deeper into the world of 80s AOR. Unlike a lot of the sterile, radio-friendly acts from that actual era, NFO bring a warmth and heartfelt approach that really brings the music alive. This is the band’s fourth album and probably their weakest, but it still stands well above the average album of 2018. Songs like “Turn To Miami” and “Pretty Thing Closing In” are immediate, timeless classics.

8. THE CROWN - Cobra Speed Venom

Although Deathrace King is still one of my top 5 death metal records of all time, The Crown never really were able to duplicate its genius. Cobra Speed Venom, however, comes damn close. It has all the brutality that the band is known for but brings back a lot of the punky/thrash energy and memorable riffs that have been missing for a while. The first three songs might be the best start to any album this year; just relentless, mayhemic brilliance. Top it off with one of the coolest and most original album covers I’ve seen in a while, along with three bonus tracks that are actually worth adding, and you have one hell of a return to form.

7. SAXON - Thunderbolt

Saxon certainly made some missteps in the late 80s, but I can’t think of another band that has remained as true to form over the years, while also consistently putting out quality albums and touring relentlessly. Thunderbolt is no Wheels of Steel or even Call To Arms, but it is still a solid record that is as good or better than the last couple. From the melodic timelessness of “The Secret of Flight” to the moody “Nosferatu (The Vampire’s Waltz)” to the raging “They Played Rock and Roll,” there is also a diversity rivaled only by Priest on this list.

6. BLACK OATH - Behold the Abyss

When it comes to true, epic, soul-crushing doom metal, Black Oath have become true masters. I have been following this band since the Portrait of the Dead single back in 2010 and am pleased to say they just keep going from strength to strength. Behold the Abyss balances a lush production, clean vocals, and plenty of melody, with dreadnought riffage and blissfully dark, esoteric lyrics. A rich, dynamic work of black art.

5. SIGN OF THE JACKAL - Breaking the Spell

This amazing Italian band has created a style that is equal parts early 80s Warlock and late 80s Judas Priest. Great, driving metal tunes that sometimes border on speed metal with plenty of screaming solos and hooky choruses. The recording, the mix, the energy, everything about this record is incredibly old-school and authentic, right down to the 32-minute running time.

4. AUDREY HORNE - Blackout

Ever since these Norwegian rockers abandoned all pretense and went full-on retro with their Youngblood album, I have been hooked. They compose hard-hitting rock tunes with tons of hooks and Lizzy-esque harmonies that give a nod to metal and punk without really being either. The first three songs - “This is War,” “Audrevolution,” and “Blackout” - are all perfectly built and give a great cross-section of the band’s diverse sound. Toschie’s vocals are as unique as his fashion sense and, as much as I loved the last two records, I think this one may be their best yet.

3. BRAINSTORM - Midnight Ghost

Brainstorm has long since perfected their style (as far back as Soul Temptation, some fifteen years ago), and each new release is really just varying levels of execution. As good as Scary Creatures was a couple years back, Midnight Ghost is truly brilliant and may possibly take the title as my favorite Brainstorm outing. All of the usual plusses are in place - great production, top-notch musicianship, catchy tunes - but the songs themselves are just a tad bit more finely honed and memorable. “Ravenous Minds” and “When Pain Becomes Real” in particular are killer and there is nary a dull moment here.

2. IMMORTAL - Northern Chaos Gods

My first Immortal record was At the Heart of Winter and it is still my favorite black metal album, hands down. The combination of raw, icy riffs with the mind-blowing drumming and just enough melody to keep it all together was/is intoxicating. Immortal has never done a bad album, but some are definitely better than others and Northern Chaos Gods is one of the best ones. The ferocity is up there with Pure Holocaust and Demonaz’s vocals, while not quite as distinctive as Abbath’s, fit the music perfectly. The band wisely took their time to put this record together and the results speak for themselves.

1. JUDAS PRIEST - Firepower

Priest has been one of my favorite metal bands since I first got into them back in ’82 and they are still right up there with Sabbath, Accept, and Mercyful Fate, with a catalog that is as diverse as it is brilliant. After the disappointing Nostradamus and good-but-not-great Redeemer of Souls, it was a real pleasure to hear Firepower, a true, all-guns-blazing Priest record. The production is 1000% better than anything they have released in the last two decades and the material is both diverse and top-notch. Songs like “Firepower,” “Never the Heroes,” “Children of the Sun,” and “No Surrender” have such a classic sound to them and Rob has not sounded this good since Painkiller. Even the weakest tracks (“Lone Wolf” and “Sea of Red”) have grown on me a bit, so I am confident that Firepower will go down in history as one of the band’s crowning achievements.

I must also mention some very impressive EPs, demos, and singles that were released this year, namely those from CIRITH UNGOL, ROUGH SPELLS, ÜLTRA RAPTÖR, PULVER, SIGNIFICANT POINT, TENTATION, ANCIENT SÉANCE, SABÏRE, and OCCULT BURIAL. If you aren’t familiar with any of these bands or haven’t heard their latest, I highly recommend getting acquainted immediately.

As usual, my list could have gone on much longer, but here are the bands that just missed the top 20: AMORPHIS, AURA NOIR, BEHEMOTH, BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB, BLACK VIPER, BLADE KILLER, CAULDRON, DIMMU BORGIR, DREAM CHILD, GOAT WORSHIP, GRAHAM BONNETT BAND, IRON ANGEL, KHEMMIS, KRISIUN, NIGHT VIPER, PRIMAL FEAR, PROFESSOR BLACK, RIOT V, SABOTER, SKULL FIST, SUBSTRATUM, TAD MOROSE, VISIONS OF ATLANTIS, VULCAIN, WHITE WIZZARD, WITCHFYRE, and WYTCH HAZEL.

What is on the horizon for 2019? Well, I am already psyched about the new ones from CANDLEMASS, DELAIN, ROCK GODDESS, FLOTSAM & JETSAM, CHAINBREAKER, SOILWORK, WITHIN TEMPTATION, MORTAL SCEPTER, HAMMERFALL, and TYTUS, plus possible releases from SACRED REICH, DEATH ANGEL, and EXCITER all have me really looking forward to the coming twelve months. The world is crumbling around us, but at least the metal scene is stronger than ever!

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E1 Poll Results

The poll closed with 1,336 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

This is just a general warning for potential manga related spoilers in the comments! Tread carefully!

Rate the Episode

Overall, viewers were excited about the new episode and ranked it well. It seems everyone is fired up and ready for the anime to pick up where it left off. Bonus points for a short one year hiatus this time!

I'm really excited to see this new version of the Uprising arc unfold. This episode did a great job at highlighting the paranoia and "on the run" aspect better than the manga counterpart, with the safety net feeling well and truly gone. The tagline for volume 13 was "No Safe Place Left", but it's the anime that really made me feel that was the case.

Trust WIT studio to surprise even the manga readers with their content. Everything from the OP to the pacing was completely unexpected, but I love it!

GREAT start, a good way to hype both Manga readers and anime only fans into the start of the new season !  (putting it in the ‘was this a good start’ question)

Is it 7/29 yet?

Rate the OP

There have definitely been mixed reviews on the new opening. The majority of voters were happy or content with it, while about 22% of respondents could have thought better on it. Maybe it will grow on people as the anime continues!

For me the opening was a masterpiece. The melancholy and the foreshadowing for those who don’t read the manga is fantastic. As I am current with the manga it made me sad for the kids because I know how things are now and I was also excited to see them again in animated form.

I must admit, on my first listen, I was thoroughly disappointed by red swan and thus hated it with passion. But shockingly I LOVED it just on my very second listen (which was when I actually watched the episode)! I then understood that there was nothing wrong with that beautiful song nor the opening itself. It was all my personal expectations, biases and unwillingness to accept something new.

Something about the animation in the OP was weird and the still shots they included looked like someone else's fanart.

I'm disappointed with the opening. I just feel like it's not on bar with the previous ones. But I guess people are right about it being more suitable for an arc that's focused on character development, so I don't hate it as much now. I just hope that we get a second opening when the action kicks in (since they're covering up to the ocean) that makes the viewers more hyped. My problem with the current opening is that it doesn't feel like Attack on Titan anymore. I'm also not super happy with the drawings in general.

The opening really fits this part of the story because this is the part when shit gets real.

This OP is very different from the previous three. What is your favorite opening so far?

Shinzuo wo Sasageyo took the lead by a huge margin (including votes for our lovely typo version, “Shinzuo no Sasageyo”), managing to outdo the iconic first opening, Guren no Yumiya!

Bring Linked Horizon back.

Regarding Red Swan: While it is a departure from the bombastic hype we've had before, this is such a good OP for this arc. It takes the OP in the complete opposite tone, which is exactly what this arc does with the rest of the series. The visuals are stunning, and the song itself is an absolute tune. #RedSwanDefenceSquad

Also, regarding the OP, the song isn't bad, but it doesn't really fit the AOT style of epic openings. To me, it feels more like an ED, which have always been softer. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a more epic second OP as we move into the RTS arc.

There was no ending theme this time. Will this become a consistent thing?

Respondents were confident that we’ll be getting an OP. Of course, as we’ve learned over the week, this is true! And surprise! It will be Linked Horizon!

Which of the below were your favorite moments?

It was close to a tie between “Kenny’s explosive entrance” and Levi’s “KENNYYYAHHH!” with the former barely taking the lead. Safe to say, the cliffhanger in this episode left us all impatiently awaiting episode 39! Other notable favorite moments were “Moblit ready to throwdown for Hange,” “Hange promising to torture Sannes,” and seeing Eren at the ocean.

Still salty about not seeing Eren build a house in his Titan form

I really enjoyed that they moved certain conversations like Eren and Historia to that particular part of the episode. It just fit so well! My kids. :')

Where is my jeankasa moments???

KEEENNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!1!!11

I am just glad to get to watch SnK again.

hanji hot

I liked the moments between Levi and Mikasa - she asked him about his wounded leg and she was really worrying about him. I'm glad that she shows some interest in other people (not just Eren and Armin).

What do you think of the new episode’s pacing?

The largest denominator are waiting to see how more of the season plays out before making a final judgement call, and many are confident that everything will be okay. Still, there is a small percentage who are concerned that they won’t get to see everything they hoped for.

Uprising is my least favourite arc, mainly due to the pacing issues. So I am very excited that they will be tackling those. I'm going to need a few more eps to correctly judge things, but I am hopeful.

I was kind of disappointed. I know they want to change the pacing and all, but I don't accept them sacrificing some important and necessary scenes for character development. I've yet to see how the rest of the season will unfold before judging it, but yeah, I really hope they won't rush things again, especially when it's my favorite arc!

I watched with an anime only and he was confused by the pacing, and how we got to the cabin from seeing the beast titan at the end of the last season. I hope they don't keep rushing through the manga chapters. I was not enthusiastic about the episode.

The pacing was really fast, but that's the price of having to condense such a complex manga into an anime, that probably had limited time/budget, as they all do. So I am happy to get what I can, and enjoy the hella beautiful animation, instead of complaining about all the scenes they cut out…

A lot of stuff really quickly, but it's understandable. This is my favorite arc and I love political intrigue, so I'm hoping we start to fill in some of the scenes we've already skipped past as we go along and the Anime-onlies are already hooked. I *really* hope we get to see the badass competence of our Vets - they deserve it!

Which main character got the best S3 glow up so far?

Levi is (unsurprisingly) the clear winner in this competition. We think his new bedhead hair is charming, too! In second place came Eren, followed by Mikasa and Historia.

i don't think there was any glow up this season. kenny's great tho, 10/10 would stan

The girls aren’t animated with lipstick anymore. Yay or nay?

The vast majority are either unphased or delighted by WIT moving away from the colored glossy lips of the girls. A small percentage of respondents are going to miss the look.

Don't actually care about the lipstick, it just makes sense that they won't put it during the whole action.

The characters are finally starting to look truer to their manga counterparts this season! How do you feel about it?

76% of respondents are thrilled about the anime starting to match the appearance of the characters’ manga counterparts.

The changes to animation and character styles were kind of weird but I got used to it eventually

How do you feel about Mikasa taking down Reeves and his cronies by herself?

46% are happy with the development and seeing Mikasa get a chance to shine on her own. Meanwhile, 18% are disappointed that Levi didn’t tackle Reeve’s cronies with her, while 14% are simply upset they didn’t get to see Levi do his iconic chokeslam at all. Let’s be hopeful WIT will make up for that in the future!

i proper wanted to see the Ackerman duo but watching Mikasa chokeslam some bitches made me pop a boner and i don’t even have a dick

I would have LOVED the duo action, but I anticipate to see that in the following episodes (or else Wit and I are gonna have some words). At least it's nice that Levi trusted Mikasa to handle this mission without his supervision!

Mikasa was great! A little sad they cut Jean being protective over her safety after Sasha shoots the arrow though.

It was alright but developing her personality and relationship with the other characters is more important than constantly just giving her ~badass~ scenes.

Considering that Levi had to be somewhere else, I'm fine with it since it's such a small scene. But I still want some Levi/Mikasa duo action

i liked it, but it was mikasa AND sasha

too OP

Manga readers, what best describes how you felt about seeing Eren at the ocean?

Nearly half of voters were surprised to see this animated so early, followed by 28% who were moved by the scene. A small percentage weren’t happy that WIT implied about the ocean so early.

I NEED MORE EREN WITH LONG HAIR!!!!!!!!!

It was a great decision to show it in the beginning. It sets the tone for the following episodes.

I'm already finding delight in the sense of dread anime-only watchers will have when things start going off the rails and they have Eren alone in this scene in the back of their minds.

It was the most beautiful "eye close-up" this anime could have ever done! Amazing scene - wonderfully colored, animated, and sad and touching. 10/10

Interesting choice, nice way to bring it all back at the end though

As a TV producer it's understandable. They would want to hook people early on, esp for anime only viewers

stop lowkey spoiling ffs

I watched the season premiere at the movie theatre and when that scene came up I could hear a discrete general gasp coming from the audience. I liked how everyone was shocked but still tried to contain their excitement for anime watchers.

Felt like they’re trying to make it seem like a dream sequence rather than a reality.

I felt it gave more mystery to how the plot will develop for anime-onlies. It was a great decision to show it at the beginning, especially Eren alone.

Anime only fans, what best describes how you felt about seeing Eren at the ocean?

An uncertain number of voters are most definitely certain they read the manga! Meanwhile. 37% of anime only viewers were really pumped by the implication of getting to see the ocean. A smaller percentage are confused but still here for the ride, while 18% don’t really feel anything about it either way.

My sister is anime only, and she said a mix of options - confused and shocked and excited - looking forward for the rest!

Anime Only, don't know how I feel. It was played out well so looking forward to it.

I was shocked yet I was amazed on that scene

shocked and excited - looking forward for the rest!

Your reaction to Kenny?

The overwhelming majority are #readyforkenny and excited to see him! We suspect that the 7.6% of voters who don’t know who he is are anime only viewers. We’re excited to see how you guys think of him in a few weeks!

I'm not sure how I feel about Kenny. I imagined him a bit differently. While reading a manga I saw him as harsh, cold, mysterious man with deep voice and scary looks. In the anime however he looks too young and his face is different.

Looks like WIT was really anxious to introduce Kenny. I didn't mind it overall, but I hope their shuffling scenes around doesn't become overwhelming.

Kenny: Omae wa mou shindeiru Nifa: Nani? *bangbang*

Rate Eren’s abs on a scale of 1-5

The majority of respondents are thirsty for Eren’s animated abs! 105 of voters will take a hard pass, however.

I was so scared they were gonna draw Eren with the body of a 12-year-old like so much of the official art back in the day did. Thank you WiT for keeping him manga-accurately ripped

Do you feel this episode was a strong start to the season?

While a fair number of voters are tentatively waiting for more of the season to make their judgement, the majority of respondents agree that the season started off with a bang and are looking forward to more.

GREAT start, a good way to hype both Manga readers and anime only fans into the start of the new season !

Which group are your favorite characters?

All of the characters are winners in this poll! 

Do you read the manga or do you only watch the anime?

The majority of respondents are loyal manga readers. We had 162 anime only respondents this week! 

Where do you primarily discuss the series?

Reddit takes the lead!

Additional thoughts on the chapter?

I miss Levi’s speech about how he’s ‘just being an asshole’ when eren can’t harden his titan 😰 it was cute

It really was just an extended trailer, everything included in the trailer was in the episode, it was very good and I enjoyed it nonetheless!

I'm so glad to be seeing my loves in animated action once again

I’m excited for the rest of the season!

The episode was definitely awesome for a first episode. I’m kinda disappointed that they skipped Historia���s explanation about her past, but I hope they will show it in a future episode. Also, the opening was stunning. Seeing my favorite characters as kids made me smile so much. Overall, this episode got me excited for the next episodes.

Amazing! Glad that it was not Eren centric and We'll be seeing Levi alot. I hope they show more of Mikasa and Levi moments. It was awesome. I first watched the episode at the cinema so I couldn't watch it with the opening. But I loved it!

Small Levi in the opening is so beautiful I want to cry !!

Where is abswin?! I have priorities, WIT, where are yours??

This is so good! I was at first worried that they will shove Levi down our throats (as much as I love him), but now I'm surprisingly confident in this new season! I trust Wit to make great changes in the pacing, because the anime version definitely need some improvement. The animation is stunning and Mikasa and Levi were amazing, they can slay me when they want.

Trust WIT studio to surprise even the manga readers with their content.

MANGA SPOILERS: I'm most curious to see how different the plot will be now that they seem to have skipped the whole SC/Reeves company collaboration. The OP was honestly a shock at first watch but now I can't stop listening to it. I think it's perfect, especially for us manga readers, because it really tugs at your heartstrings when you think of what's currently happening in the manga. Especially that scene with kid!Eren bumping into soldier Eren. I'm still crying. :( All in all, brilliant episode, can't wait for next week!

RIP to my bae Nifa

They cut out a shitload of little dialogue that isn't important to the plot between the characters I was hoping to see animated so that was pretty disappointing. I'm expecting that trend to continue. On the opening, I'm a manga reader, I get what they were going for and all the undertones and such but I still didn't like it much. I don't like how some of the characters got the shaft completely and how characters important to this season like Erwin, Levi and Historia and characters related to them barely got any parts in the opening.

Baby Erwin!!!

I can really now feel the connection of the anime and manga! Can't wait for the other episodes, it was spoiling some parts (if you read the manga) but either way if you watched or read or both Attack On Titan you'll still love and appreciate it

Thank you everyone who voted! We’ll see you back with episode 39!

[ficsandsticks]

Two Surprises

A/N. another non requested imagine that I really enjoyed writing. I have some social media edits coming soon. I’ve been in the writing mood lately. I would love some requests. I keep doing Harry because he is my current obsession lol sorry.

Summary: You are being interviewed by Ellen and long time friend Harry decides to surprise you. You play a game and find out another surprise.

Word Count: 1,800

____________________________

You could practically feel your blood pumping through your veins. You were about to go onstage to be interviewed by the one and only Ellen Degeneres. She was your favorite interviewer and you wanted to be completely calm and yourself for this interview. Sadly fate was not on your side. You became famous quite quickly, with the release of your first album, Breakaway, and were still very nervous and jittery when it came to interviews. Adding Ellen on top of already existing social anxiety was a disaster waiting to happen. You knew Ellen had a way with people and tended to make them comfortable so you were banking on her to make you feel comfy. Yet you couldn’t stop bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet. You had spent the entire day waiting for this moment practically jumping around in pure excitement when your stylist was trying to do your hair and makeup. Luckily you managed to calm down slightly in order to become presentable. As soon as you stood on the shoot waiting for Ellen to introduce you, all your excitement from before had turned into anxiousness. You could hear Ellen talking to the crowd and were motioned by one of the stagehands to begin your walk to the seats “Everyone please welcome Miss Y/N L/N!” Ellen motioned to her right to which you were emerging and walking toward her. She was even better in person. A major fangirl moment for you as you tried to control your shaky nervousness. Ellen gave you a quick hug and motioned for you to sit down. Cheers erupted as soon as you came out and did not die out until you sat down. You didn’t realized everyone was a fan of you and it warmed your heart seeing everyone. Ellen began to speak but since you were so wrapped up in yourself, you didn’t hear what she had to say. You stared at her dumbfounded before squeaking out a small, “what?” The crowd laughed as did Ellen. Ellen shook her head and repeated what she said. “I said you look a little bit nervous” You laughed at that, relaxing a little bit now that you had began talking. “Yeah I am! I am a huge fan of you, Ellen and sitting here, having the privilege to be interviewed by you is something so astonishing” You rambled on about how much you liked her before Ellen chuckled which silenced you from your excessive talking. You cursed yourself in your head for rambling about stupid stuff that had nothing to do with why you were here. “Well Y/N, I am a big fan of yours! I love the way you have with words and everything you do. Not to mention you are simply stunning, but I am married so I will not continue. Tell us about your new album, Breakaway.” You laughed along with the crowd, you had almost completely relaxed and started to enjoy yourself being in the presence of Ellen. “Yup, My album is so amazing and I’m really proud of it. I worked incredibly hard and collaborated with some amazing songwriters and artists. The entire process of constructing my album up to having it sell to you guys has been such a blast.” “I’m glad. I absolutely love your album and it seems like the fans do as well. You have sold millions of copies in a very short while. Congratulations on that!” You blushed. You had sold many copies very quickly and you liked to be modest about that as you didn’t think you would gain this much of a following with your album only being out for in less than a year. Of course you had a couple singles and an EP but this was your first major album.

“Thank you Ellen, it means a lot coming from you.” “Now back to the amazing artists you worked with. Is a certain curly haired former Band member one of those said artists?” Ellen smirked. You looked down in an attempt to hide your reddening cheeks. Harry Styles was one of your good friends and has been since 2014. You met him at a party you sneakily got into, before you were famous, because your friend bet you that you couldn’t. You guys met and immediately hit it off becoming very good friends and spending a lot of time together. You had developed a huge crush on him as anyone would but neither the press nor he knew about it, you tried to keep in on the down-low as celebrity relationships never lasted long. So you stayed being friends with him. In fact. When you had told him you wanted to get into singing and writing songs, he helped write one of your singles and you tried to help him on his solo album. Ellen was waiting for an answer, smirk growing larger as the seconds of silence increased. “Yes, Harry helped me on one of the songs and I couldn’t be more happy with how the song turned out. He was absolutely amazing to work with and one of my very good friends.” Ellen nodded taking in what you said, you could tell she didn’t believe the friend part but she let it go. “Staying on the Harry topic, how good of friends are you? We’ve seen many photos of you guys hanging out, some with the band back in ‘14 and some of you alone on the set of Dunkirk. Care to comment on those?” You knew she was grilling you and you weren’t about to budge. “Harry and I hang out as often as we can, we are really good friends and try to find time for each other despite our busy schedules.” You repeated. “Does he ever surprise you when he’s in town?” You pondered that question for a few seconds trying to recall if he had ever surprised you. “No I don’t think so he—”

Before you could finish your answer, two hands landed on either shoulder, scaring the ever living crap out of you. You let out a high pitched scream before turning around, only to be greeted with a familiar mop of brown curly hair and a body hunched over from laughter. You scowled at Harry. “Not funny,” You pouted. Harry just laughed harder. “Sorry love, couldn’t pass up on the chance of scaring you when Ellen asked.” You rolled your eyes as Ellen cut to a commercial. You embraced Harry as the stage crew brought out a loveseat to swap the chair you were previously sitting on. Harry’s strong arms wrapped around your waist as he squeezed tightly, almost not wanting to let you know. Harry had been crushing on you since he met you at that A-list party in London in 2014. He got a kick out of how you had gotten in and vowed to himself to get to know you. As you guys became better friends and hung out with the Band more, everyone could tell he was falling for you– except you. Harry kept the embrace for a little longer than a normal friend hug making sure to whisper in your ear how stunning you looked. “You look beautiful Y/N.” The heat rose to your cheeks for the third time this interview as you pulled away from Harry, immediately feeling the lack of warmth. The interview continued now with Harry sitting next to you, a friendly arm thrown over the back of the love seat. Ellen asked him about his new album and the songs that he helped you with. Harry seemed very happy to talk to Ellen and incorporate you into almost every sentence he said. Not that you noticed or anything. Finally towards the end of the Interview, Ellen decided to end with a game. “Okay lovebirds the last thing I would like to do with you is play a little game. If you guys are up for it?” Both you and Harry nodded, cheeks slightly tinted red.

“Perfect! This game is called Never Have I Ever” Harry softly cursed under his breath but your ears  picked it up. Butterflies arose in your stomach as Ellen handed you the paddle for the game. It started out quite innocent with Never Have I Evers like “Never have I ever lied about my age to get into somewhere” or “Never have I ever used a disguise in order to hide from paparazzi”, but then it began to turn a little inappropriate with questions about hookups. You were definitely not innocent and turned your paddle to “I have” on some that shocked the crowd and Harry. “You’ve done a body shot?” Harry raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow at you in question. You nodded sheepishly folding underneath that questioning brow. Harry shook his head while his paddle stayed on the “I have never” side. Ellen was enjoying this a little too much as she said the last one. “Now this is the last one, you ready?,” we both nodded. “Never Have I Ever been in love with someone and scared to tell them” You tried to stop your eyes from widening too much. This question was asking for trouble and Ellen knew it. You snuck a glance at Harry, desperately hoping he spoke the truth. You decided to go for broke and the bold choice, turning your paddle to I have just as Harry did the same thing. You both look at each other’s paddles before looking up into each other’s eyes. You knew he was talking about you and he knew you were talking about him. All these years of friendship and secretly wanting each other blew away as you stared into Harry’s sparkling green eyes. You both snapped out the trance as Ellen began to close up the show, thanking you both for coming. You waved to the crowd and rushed off stage with Harry close on your heels. Once backstage you turned to face Harry. Harry, not knowing you were about to stop and turn around, almost rammed into you and grabbed your waist steadying you from falling. “Y/N” He whispered gazing into you, admiring the unique beauty that was yourself.

“Harry” You breathed back appreciating the way your name formed on his lips. “Y/N I can’t say how much I love yo—“ You didn’t let him finish his proclamation. You pressed your lips against his soft lips savoring the moment that took years to arrive. Harry reciprocated by slipping his tongue between your lips, with your allowance, deepening the kiss. You pulled away when air became a necessity to survive. You smiled and knew that this was the best day of your life.   “I love you too Harry” Someone from behind you started clapping. Pulling apart quickly you turned to see Ellen widely smirking. “Glad I could get you two together. I thought I was going to have to lock you two in a room”