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fumifooms · 8 months ago

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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.

#I find it hard to express myself right on the topic of Falin. Both because the issue is pretty vibe based and because we don’t #get that many moments with her. So there’s ambiguous scenes up to interpretation addressing a layered topic and like. Save me. Save me #As always falling down the rabbithole of starting an analysis about a specific facet and then needing to explain everything else around it #I’m doomed. I’m getting lost in the sauce.#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #falin touden #analysis #character analysis #meta #autistic reading #aroace reading as well. Sort of. It’s mentioned #The aroace autistic guilt of not caring back in the way/with the intensity you’re expected to #As always this is just my interpretation blablabla #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #She loves like a dog aka unconditionally and happy with eating scraps of affection and attention off the floor #Laios touden #he’s here too bc they are an unit #If you’re not capitalizing on the uncanny vibe autistic effect for Falin’s character u are missing an opportunity imo #Fairy’s child is written all over her. Her cryptic-ness is the point so why am I surprised she’s hard to fully pin down #Even with the graveyard scene it was Falin following Laios… Sob. Laios could feel responsible her powers were found out #I’d like to rework this at some point if i get better at structuring. I’m not satisfied by the level of clarity #Will 90% for sure edit stuff in if i find more to say.#Fumi rambles #Crazy style #I give a TLDR at the end if you’d prefer. It doesn’t have the like evidence/explanations alongside but it makes the main points i think

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woso-dreamzzz · 7 months ago

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Difficult V

Mapi Leon x Ingrid Engen x Child!Reader

Summary: A trip to Mami's hometown

It's not often that you don't go back to Norway with Mumma for the international break. You go with her most of the time to see her parents but this time you're staying in Spain with Mami.

It's a shorter break than usual so uprooting your life and forcing you through jetlag is probably worse than just leaving you in Spain with Mami.

Which is why you're in the car driving to Zaragoza, where Mami is from, for the week to see your Abeuala and Abuelo. Mami says she's got a fun week planned for you both but you don't know if you believe her.

She said that she had a fun day planned a few days ago but all you did was feed the ducks at the park and then spent nearly an hour in the art shop as Mami debated different types of pencils.

"There she is!" Abuelo says as you jump out of the car. He grabs you, throwing you in the air and catching you again.

"Abeulo!"

"Look at you, bebita! Looking more and more like your Mumma everyday!"

You grin. "That's what Mami says!"

"Your Mami has good eyes." He puts you back down on the ground. "Now, I'm pretty sure your Abuela has made a cake just for you inside. Do you want to go in and check?"

You're off like a shot before he even finishes his sentence and Mapi is left to bring your bags in by herself.

"What, no welcome for your daughter?"

"Hello, María," Her father says," Thank you for bringing the little one with you. Your mother has been getting ready for her all month. You'll be lucky if you get the bebita back."

"She'll have to take it up with Ingrid," Mapi replies, dragging the bags inside.

You're already sitting on the kitchen counters, being fed bites of cake as Mapi's mother multitasks between feeding you and whipping up another dessert from scratch.

"Hola, Mama."

"Hola, María," Her mother says," You are late. We expected you earlier."

"It is a long drive, Mama. We had to take a break for lunch."

Mapi's Mama raises a brow. "Why did you stop? Are my lunches not filling enough? You had to stop somewhere else to eat? I made lunch specifically for you."

"Mama! Stop putting words in my mouth. We-"

"Can we have second lunch, Abeula? I'm still hungry."

"Of course you can, bebita! I can always trust you to eat my cooking."

"I love your cooking!"

Abuela swings you up into her arms as she flits around the kitchen getting out the lunch she'd put in the fridge.

"Now, you go and watch some tv with your Abuelo. If you eat all your lunch then there is dessert waiting for you."

Your time in Zaragoza is spent very much like your first day. Abuela cooks more food than you've ever seen in your life and you eat it all like you've been starving for years.

Today is different though.

Today Mami has taken you to a storage locker. She hasn't said much about it and she stops in front of the door.

"Bebita," She says," It's very important that you keep this a secret."

You frown. "From who, Mami? From Abuela and Abuelo?"

"No," She laughs," From your Mumma."

"Why?"

"Bebita, I'm serious. Promise this is our secret."

"Okay."

Mami opens the door to the locker and you gasp.

"It's a motorcycle! There's a little one too!"

You're right.

There's a big one that looks like Mami could sit on comfortably. She doesn't touch that one. She grabs the little one. It's exactly like the big one but smaller.

She wheels the little one out of the locker and pops it into the back of the car. It doesn't take long at all for Mami to drive to a dirt track.

"This is your helmet," She says, attaching it to your head and knocking on it to prove it works," And these are your kneepads and elbowpads. What is the important rule?"

"Don't tell Mumma."

"No, the other one. The one I told you in the car."

You think for a moment. "Oh! Squeeze the breaks if I'm scared!"

"And?"

You pout. "But, Mami-"

"No, what's the other rule?"

You sigh. "Don't let the arrow go over the five."

"That's right. I'm going to be holding you the entire time. It's just like your normal bike at home. Now, if- Bebita!"

Mapi scrambles after you, grabbing onto the back of your little motorcycle to keep you upright.

You have no fear though. In fact, you're thoroughly enjoying yourself as you go up and down the bumps in the track, shrieking your joy for the whole world to hear.

"Mami! Mami!" You say," Can I go faster?"

"I don't know, bebita. I think-"

"Is it because you're scared? You don't have to hold on if you're scared. I'm a big girl now!"

Mapi sputters. "I absolutely do need to hold on!" She tells you," And I'm not scared."

"I think you are."

"I'm not!"

"Are!"

"Not!"

"Are!"

It takes a lot of convincing to get you to accept that your dirtbike is staying in the secret storage locker in Zaragoza with her own bike. It's all you talk about as Mapi drives you home at the end of the week.

Your whole short life has now been taken over by the dirt track and your bike. It's all you want to talk about, even as Mapi tries to turn on the radio to drown out your words.

Ingrid is waiting for you both in the house but you completely bypass her, ducking under her arm and immediately running to the tv.

"She hasn't seen me for a week," Ingrid says," And it's like I don't exist."

You fiddle with the remote, flicking through channels until you find the motocross race that's currently going on, falling to the floor so you can watch, pressed up against the tv as close as you can get without being told off.

Ingrid's eyes narrow.

"Mapi," She says," What have you done?"

"Why do you always think I've done something?"

"Because I know your parents didn't introduce her to that. What did you do?"

"Nothing!"

"Bebita, what did Mami show you while I was away?"

"Nothing, Mumma!"

#woso x reader #mapi leon x reader #mapi leon #ingrid engen x reader #ingrid engen #woso community #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso

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reidsfilm · 6 months ago

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SPOILED ROTTEN — MIGUEL O'HARA

divider credit: cafekitsune. art of Miguel credit: _insomniac_red_

PARING: miguel o'hara x fem reader

WARNINGS: SMUT!! (18+) porn with a little plot, p in v (wrap it before you tap it folks) dirty talk, swearing, fingering, blowjob, pet names; mi corazon, bebita, mi amor, baby, etc. age gap (miguel is in his early thirties, while the reader is in her early twenties)

SUMMARY Miguel takes you out to celebrate your birthday. A catfight occurs between you and a woman, who thinks you are nothing more than Miguel's trophy wife. Miguel shows you you're much more than that.

WORD COUNT : 6,5k

Notes: English is not my first language, so bear with me. There might be spelling mistakes here and there. Still not over this man after watching ATSV last year. This is probably super messy because I honestly lost track of what I was writing.

Miguel and you were going out to a party to celebrate your birthday. You had dolled yourself up with a black bodycon dress that fit snugly to your slim yet toned body. You wore a pair of black stiletto heels. Miguel had surprised you with a beautiful silver necklace with an 'M' engraved in it, for the initial of his name.

Miguel was your sweet and caring mafia husband. You had known him for around a year now, and he was a couple of years older than you— well over a decade older. ''Do I look good?'' You questioned softly as you did a quick spin, letting out a soft giggle.

A low chuckle escaped Miguel as he pulled your face against his to kiss you softly. He ran a hand up your thigh teasingly before you both walked out the door.

“You look stunning mi corazon, now let’s get a move on before I decide to take you back inside and give you an early birthday present.” You felt your cheeks flush at his words.

Miguel opened the car door for you, smiling that charming smile that made you lose your thoughts. You got in and Miguel followed suit as he settled in next to you in the backseat. ''Thank you for this, by the way. I love it.'' You muttered as you touched the necklace, looking at him with a soft smile.

Miguel's hand placed itself on your thigh, giving a soft squeeze. ''Anything for my beautiful girl. Happy birthday.'' He muttered before pulling you in for a sweet kiss.

When the two of you arrived, there were already a few others there. The place was huge, a mansion that could probably fit in at least a couple of hundred people. Miguel always knew the right places to take you, which wasn't odd: considering he was a mafia boss who had quite the list of contacts, for various things. People flooded in through the large doors, music playing.

Your eyes scanned around the place as you stepped inside, seeing people dressed in fancy attires, which probably cost a fortune

Beautiful women in gorgeous dresses, and men in elegant suits.

''I think I picked a dress that was too short...'' You mumbled, making Miguel chuckle as he leaned down to whisper in your ear, ''Should've picked something even shorter. Give everyone a little show with that pretty little ass of yours.

Your eyes widened as you turned your head, meeting his dark eyes, ''Miguel!'' You exclaimed with a small huff. Miguel smirked as he watched you try and keep yourself presentable.

He took a hold of your hand and kissed your knuckles, grinning. “I have to go say hi to an old friend. Make yourself comfortable.” You hummed at his words, before watching Miguel start to head towards the back of the estate.

You're eyes landed on the small bar by the corner, and you headed over as you were in desperate need of a drink. Miguel's earlier words had made something stir in the pit of your stomach.

''One martini, please.'' You said to the bartender, who nodded while you patiently leaned against the bar counter. You tapped absentmindedly on the wooden surface.

“Hey, sweetie. Why are you standing here all by yourself?” A womanly voice made your head turn, a brunette wearing a gorgeous red maxi dress. Her lips were painted red, matching her dress.

She was beautiful.

She held her own martini in her hand, eying you.

''Just waiting for my drink and my husband,'' You replied back with an awkward smile as your gaze wandered around.

You were never good around huge crowds of people, especially so many gorgeous-looking people that were scattered around the place. Made you feel slightly out of place. You'd been with Miguel for a year, but you were still not used to all this prestige stuff: the riches and all its glory.

“Ohh a husband, huh?” Her eyes narrowed as she looked you up and down. You could tell what she was thinking. Typical gold digger.

“What’s his name?” She asked, the corners of her red lips curving into a smirk. You shifted a little, feeling slightly nervous as she stared at you, almost like she was trying to make you feel small.

''Miguel...'' You replied back nonchalantly as you shifted a bit on your feet, your heels making a clinking noise against the marble floors. You watched as a few men were standing around a couple of strippers who were dancing. Their moves were gracious and alluring: you wished you could dance like that.

“Miguel? Don’t tell me you married the Miguel?” She tilted her head, smirking. It almost sounded like she was shocked by your words. “You’re very lucky, you know that?” Her eyes seemed a tad resentful and jealous at the same time.

''Mhm..'' You simply hummed as you ignored her presence beside you, your eyes continuing to wander around the area as you rubbed your bare arm— a nervous habit you'd have, but you supposed a lot of people did certain things when they were nervous or anxious.

''Here's your drink, miss.'' The bartender's voice broke you out of your little daze as you turned back, ''Thank you.'' You muttered before taking the martini in your hand and taking a sip.

“That man is so fine, I wouldn’t mind getting my hands on him and showing him a good time.” The woman scoffed, laughing to herself. As if she’d even have a chance.

“He must make quite a living, right?” She questioned though it sounded more like a statement than a question. Of course, he did, Miguel was the epitome of money and wealth. But he didn't let it get to his head, which you found endearing.

''And?'' You turned your head to face her, raising an eyebrow.

What was she trying to accomplish?

She huffed, rolling her eyes. “You’re a gold digger. We all know it.” She smirked at her own comment, crossing her arms under her breasts. “You’re obviously only with him because he’s rich.”

Who was we? She had never seen this woman nor any of the other people her in her entire life. So who was she to judge you?

You placed the drink by the counter

''Obviously.'' You mocked back as you rolled your eyes, mimicking her posture as you crossed your arms under your breasts, feeling them push up against the material of your dress.

You loved Miguel, with all your heart and soul. And you couldn't give a flying fuck if he was rich or not, it never mattered to you. All that mattered to you was him. You remember how frightened you were of him when you first met him, and weeks into your marriage you still were. It was an arranged marriage after all. And you hadn't actually wanted to be married, well you did, but on your own terms.

At first, you found him to be an arrogant prick who had a silver spoon shoved so far up his ass. But after a while, you saw a softer side of the man, behind that rough and stoic demeanor. You grew to care and love for the man.

“Hah, well at least you admit it finally.” She groaned, smirking. “You’re pathetic, you know that?” She laughed lightly, looking down at your dress.

“You got the dress to match his money too? Or were you going for a bit of slut in there somewhere?” The comment had caught you off guard, her laugh was a bit too loud for comfort.

This bitch.

You felt your jaw clench as you stared her down. ''Listen here, you perky little bitch. If your goal here is to try and have your pretty little lips wrapped around my husband's cock, you'll have to try better.''You snarled at her as you narrowed your eyes.

“Awe! Aren’t you a feisty one? Come on, you just can’t get enough of the rich and famous, yeah? Just looking for someone to fund your every need and want.”

“You want my advice?” She asked, her demeanor suddenly sweet and bubbly again as she took a step closer “It’s better if you start talking to the strippers here. You and they have more in common than you do me or any of the other women here.” She sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes, waiting for a reaction from you.

Who the hell was she to talk to me like this?

You flinched at her words, taken aback by her blatant rude and berating words, ''Excuse me? How dare you speak to me like that.''

''Damn, don’t get your panties in a twist sweetheart'' She chuckled, taking another step toward you, your faces close. “I know someone as pretty and as young as you has to struggle. Do you not have food to eat at home? Does Daddy not care for you anymore and leave you alone? Is that it little girl?”

That was the tip of the iceberg.

You harshly slapped her across the cheek, sizing her up. ''Don't ever speak to me like that again.'' You spat as you stepped back from her. A few people in the room looked over at the scene, eyes glued as we stared each other down. The woman stood there for a moment, her hand slowly traveling to her cheek before her eyebrows furrowed in anger.

The woman’s face turned bright red, both from embarrassment and rage. She took a few steps towards you, the people surrounding you clearing out quickly, knowing exactly what a heated exchange between the two of you would turn into.

Miguel was nowhere to be seen and that only worried you a little. She pulled herself closer, her words sounding like fire on the tip of her tongue.

''That was a mistake. A huge one. You’re lucky my father taught me restraint'' She hissed, her face almost touching yours, making her teeth and breath seem closer.

''Yeah? Did he now? I don't think he taught his little girl any manners.'' You seethed as you pushed her back, making her stumble against the bar on the side.

The woman stumbled, her dress rising a little more to reveal more of her skin. Her face turned a deeper red due to both the embarrassment and the heat of the situation.

“I can buy you.” She threatened, reaching out a hand, and grabbing your wrist.

“And it wouldn’t take me even a quarter of the money my father has in his back pocket.” She snarled, her grip tightening on your wrist as she squeezed it tightly.

You groaned from the intense pain of having her hand around your wrist, squeezing it. Your mouth was set into a hard line as you stared at the woman before you. ''Let go!'' You snarled as you tried yanking your wrist free. You could stand your own ground, always had. But you knew well enough that Miguel would be furious by this, but it wouldn't be directed towards you.

“Nope.” She chuckled, tightening her grip on your wrist before leaning closer, her nose almost brushing against yours.

“Your just a little bitch.” She hissed, her hand moving to your other wrist as she held both tightly. You let out a soft cry, feeling her grip tighten around your wrist, and would most likely leave faint marks.

“You want to talk about your ‘husband’ Miguel? I’ll take him from you in a heartbeat.” You let out a scoff at her words, making her eyebrows furrow a little, ''You think he wants you? A dried up fucking wrinkly bitch like you?'' You seethed as a mocking smile formed on your face.

She let go of one of your wrists, raising her hand up, about to smack the shit out of you...That's when you heard the loud and firm sound of your husband's voice.

Miguel was now standing there, his broad shoulders towering above the two of you, his face cold with anger. His eyes narrowed at the woman, his mouth set into a hard frown.

“Don't.” He didn’t ask, his tone firm and cold with a slight growl in the back of his throat.

The woman huffed as she dropped her hand, finally letting go of your wrist, but not before turning to you and rolling her eyes. You looked down at your wrists, noticing how they had turned all red and irritated from the grip the woman had on them. You rubbed them, trying to ease the pain. ''Bitch...'' You muttered in a low tone.

''I can see you’re an uneducated little whore who can’t help herself,'' she sneered, her face turning a deeper red as she looked at Miguel. “Oh, did I hit a nerve? Sorry, handsome.''

Miguel rolled his eyes, his hand slowly traveling down to your back while he spoke. “Apologize to my wife.” His tone was still cold and sharp.

You gazed around the area, noticing how everyone was looking at you. This was supposed to be a fun and delightful birthday for you, and yet it had turned into full-on chaos the minute you arrived here.

Your gaze went back to the woman, narrowing your eyes at her. Just the mere thought of this whore trying to get her little mouth anywhere near Miguel's cock, was making you angry.

''I said apologize'' Miguel’s voice turned a lot grittier, the woman noticing how his eyes looked like they were filled with actual hatred towards her.

The woman scoffed, rolling her eyes. “She’s barely your wife!” She hissed, before looking at you.

“How could you even get married to the son of the big boss? You’re not good enough for him, are you?”

Your lips curled up into a smug smirk, ''Is that so? Are you sure you aren't jealous that Miguel's big cock is buried deep inside me every single night, and not inside you?'' You snickered at her, putting on a mocking pout as you stared at her.

''Bebita...'' Miguel warned lowly, despite it he found your words sexy as you put the woman in her place. It made pride stir within him.

You knew she was extremely jealous that you got to have sex with Miguel whenever you wanted and this cheap whore would never even get a glance of his body naked.

You also knew despite your slightly unruly long hair, that you looked so fucking sexy while you were putting this woman in her place.

''Go along. I'm sure your mouth has a better use elsewhere.'' You made a 'shoo' motion with your hand.

The woman’s eyes lit up with rage, and she took a step forward, her face only inches away from yours as Miguel kept his hand on your lower back.

You were both staring each other right in the eyes as her lips started to curl into a small grin and then they widened into a big smile as she laughed.

''I’d gladly take your place. In the bedroom. And I know he’d enjoy it.'' She turned her head to look at Miguel, who was watching the whole scene with a stoic expression.

''Yes, I'm sure he'd very much enjoy someone as loose as you,'' You replied back mockingly.

“At least I’d keep his cock satisfied for more than five seconds,” she chuckled.

''Enough,'' Miguel said, before he sighed, turning to you as he looked at you with concerned eyes. He was always so careful of you, always making sure that you were okay. But he couldn’t stand hearing someone talk to you in such a vile way.

''Come. Outside with me.'' He asked softly, gently taking your hand as he started to walk away. You stared back over your shoulder at the woman with a smirk as you walked away with Miguel. Your stiletto heels made click-clack noises against the floor.

Miguel held your hand as you walked outside with him, the two of you stopping a few meters away from the estate as he sighed and leaned against a tree. He looked at you with concern in his eyes, his lips parting to speak before he shook his head and looked down at the ground.

He chuckled awkwardly, running his free hand through his hair as he let out a sigh. “Let’s forget about that woman back inside, eh, mi amor?”

''Forget who?'' You replied back with a smile on your lips. You snaked your arms around his strong waist.

Miguel huffed, turning his head to look down at you as your lips brushed against his chin.

''That woman was a complete bitch to you.'' His voice sounded almost worried as he looked at you.

He smirked, his own arms snaking around your waist and pulling you against his hard body. “Don’t you feel like you need some sort of revenge?”

''I've got my revenge, right here.'' You let out a soft giggle as you leaned up to press a soft kiss to his lips. And it was true; as that woman wanted nothing more than to spend a night with Miguel, if not more. Your sweet revenge was the fact that he was all yours.

''Hm, true.'' He chuckled, his hand slipping down your back to your hips as the kiss lengthened and you two stayed there under the moonlight together.

His free hand held the hem of your dress, gently lifting it to reveal more and more leg as his eyes locked onto yours.

A soft kiss on your cheek as he looked back at you. “My naughty, naughty wife…”

''You're the one trying to take my dress off, right here in the open.'' You chuckled softly as you stared up at him. ''Plus, I'm not wearing any panties,'' You whispered, your tone sultry.

“How scandalous.”

Miguel continued to look at you as his hand continued to travel up your thigh, moving ever so gently. His voice was now a lot lower with lust in it yet it was full of playful sarcasm.

''Maybe I’ll just have to bend you over this tree and show you how naughty your husband thinks you are.''

''Yeah?'' You looked up at him as you slotted your bottom lip between your teeth.

God... you wanted nothing more than him to stuff his thick cock inside you, right here. You stared up at him with doe eyes, an almost pleading look in them. ''I want it. Please.'' One hand slipped from around his neck and down towards his crotch, palming his cock through his dress pants, making him let out a soft groan as you simply stared up at him with an innocent look.

He was already so hard, the little brawl inside and the way you had put that woman in her place had made him extremely horny, but there was nowhere that was far enough away from the estate to get some privacy. Not with guests still arriving.

His eyes locked onto you as he tried fighting back his urges, his breathing steady as he spoke. “Wait til we get home. Don’t torture me like this, mi corazon.”

''Then take me home, show me how good you can fuck me.'' You purred and that's all it took for him, ''Anything for the birthday girl.'' He said before quickly hauling you up into his arms, making you squeal as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

''You were so sexy back there,'' Miguel muttered as he carried you through the large lawn. His words make a cheeky smile form on your lips, ''Yeah? Made you all *hard*, hm?''

''You have no idea.''

You sat in the car next to Miguel, staring out of the window as you passed by different cars and buildings and such. You fiddled with your hands as you thought back to what that woman had said about you.

Gold digger.

Sure, you stood your ground and wouldn't take any bullshit from anyone, yet the words she had said had stung. And it had made your head spiral. You turned to look at Miguel, ''Baby...'' His head turned and his dark brown eyes met your own eyes.

''Si? What is it, mi amor?'' He questioned as he placed his hand on your thigh, giving it a soft squeeze. ''You don't think I'm a gold digger right?'' You mumbled as you looked at him, and his eyebrows furrowed, confused by your words.

''What? Why would you say something like that? No, no of course I don't think you're a gold digger, bebita.'' He reached up to place his hand against your cheek, rubbing his thumb over your cheekbone.

''It's just... the woman—'' He cut you off, placing his finger over your lips to silence you. ''Don't listen to whatever that vile woman said. You're anything but.'' He reassured as his eyes softened, ''I know you love me, and I love you. No one's going to come in between that, okay?''

You nodded as he spoke, ''I know.'' Miguel didn't seem fully convinced that you believed his words, and he took your hand in his, placing it against his chest. You felt his heart going thump thump against the palm of your hand, as his own hand rested over yours.

''My heart beats for you, and you only.'' His words were reassuring and so gentle and sweet, and you knew that you had the best husband in the whole wide world.

''So does mine.''

The car stopped outside your shared mansion and Miguel gave you a soft kiss on the forehead before stepping out. He reached his hand out for you to take, and you gladly did before letting out a soft gasp as Miguel hauled you up into his arms.

''Miggy!'' You exclaimed as you wrapped your arms around his neck, looking at him with wide eyes. ''My beautiful bebita is not walking a single step.'' He smirked as he looked down at you, though his dark brown eyes softened the more he looked at your face.

''You're making me feel like a queen today.'' You muttered as Miguel carried you into the house, ''Just do today? I thought I always made you feel like a queen.'' His playful jab at you made you roll your eyes.

''You always make me feel like a queen.'' You corrected yourself and Miguel looked at you with a prideful smile. He carried you up the large stairwell before walking down the hallway to your shared bedroom.

''I have one more present for you.'' He said as he placed you down on the large king-sized bed, making your eyebrows furrow, ''Miggy, you already gave me this beautiful necklace. I don't need anything more from you, I just need you.'' Your words were soft and sincere as you looked at him.

Miguel let out a small chuckle as he bent down to give you're cheek a kiss, then the other, before his lips met yours, ''You deserve everything there is in the world. Mi precioso.'' You're stomach fluttered at his words as he pulled away from your lips.

''Stay right here, I'm gonna go and get it,'' Miguel said, his words sweet yet commanding at the same time. So you sat there and waited as he headed out of the bedroom. You took off your heels in the meantime, and oh did it feel good to get them off.

What had he gotten you?

Miguel came back after a few minutes, and your head perked up as he stepped back into the bedroom, with a glittery black box in his hands. You shifted a little on the bed, watching as Miguel crouched down in front of you, before extending his hands towards you, presenting it to you.

''Happy birthday, mi amor.'' Miguel said with a wide smile on his lips as you took the box from his hands, ''Thank you, baby.'' You muttered softly before you opened the lid of the box, settling it next to you on the bed. You removed the black tissue paper sheets, and your eyes widened at the sight.

You plucked out what was in the box, ''Miguel...'' You started at the pretty black lacy two-piece set of lingering, it was pretty yet so sexy as well. ''I love it!'' You exclaimed as you turned to look at him and he chuckled at how happy you seemed by it; just how he hoped you'd be.

Miguel leaned up to brush some hair away from your face, before leaning in to whisper in your ear, ''I want you to wear that when I fuck you.’’ His words sent chills down your spine, making you shudder.

''Put it on bebita.'' Miguel placed a soft kiss below your ear before pulling back and getting back up on his feet. ''Okay, I'll be right back.'' You mumbled before taking the two-piece set with you and heading into the bathroom.

The thought of Miguel having bought you a present, and fuck you senseless with it on made heat pool between your legs. You slipped the straps of the dress off of your shoulders, reaching to your back to drag the zipper down. You shimmied out of it, letting it pool to the floor.

You gazed at yourself in the mirror, taking in your flushed cheeks and pink lips; you look disheveled and you hadn't even been fucked yet.

''You almost done? I can barely wait.'' You heard Miguel's voice outside the bathroom door, ''Give me a minute.''

You slipped on the new set, taking yet another glance at yourself in the mirror. The lingering set fits snugly on your body, showing off your curves in just the right way.

Damn, I looked fucking hot.

You took a deep breath before opening the bathroom door and stepping out. Miguel was seated on the bed, having slipped off his tie, and opened a few of the buttons on his tight-fitted black dress shirt. The man was the epitome of sexiness. His eyes landed on you as you stepped out, and you caught his dark brown eyes looking even darker as he stared at you.

''Fuck, look at you.'' He purred as his eyes raked over your body, his tongue coming out to lick over his bottom lip. It was like he was devouring you by just looking at you, and that alone made you sure that you looked amazing in the lingering.

''You like it?'' You questioned as you did a quick twirl, making Miguel let out a small growl. ''Do I like it?'' He said as he got up from the bed, walking over to you. His larger and taller frame loomed over you, almost enveloping you.

''I fucking love it. God, you look so good.'' He placed his hands on your hips, his hands squeezing at the flesh. ''Could practically eat you up.'' He said gruffly as he stared down at you.

You looked up at him, ''You've been so sweet to me. Let me repay you, baby.'' You didn't let him respond as you sunk down to your knees in front of him, with doe eyes as you grabbed onto his belt buckle. Your eyes were locked onto his as you unbuckled his belt, and undid the zipper of his pants.

You licked at your lips, ''Can I?'' You questioned in such a soft and innocent tone.

“You can have anything you want,” He muttered, trying to remain calm for your sake if you were even aware of what you were doing to him.

You bit down on your bottom lip as you dragged down his pants along with his boxer briefs, letting them pool at his ankles. Your mouth was salivating at the sight before you. His cook stood tall, practically begging to be worshipped. ''Have you been this hard since the party?'' You questioned softly, your eyes gleaming as they flitted up to meet his own dark brown ones.

''Ever since you put on that pretty little dress of yours'' Miguel placed his hand underneath her chin, pulling your chin up slightly.

''Gonna take me like a good girl, hm?'' His body began to quiver at the thought of you taking all of him down your throat. He felt almost powerless with the way you looked up at him.

'Yes.'' You purred as you looked up at him. He traced his long digit over your bottom lip, before tucking it slowly into your mouth. You stared up at him with blown-out eyes, your cheeks a rosy hue as you began to suck at his finger. The whole scene was sensual and so erotic.

The act itself made Miguel's cock twitch with anticipation and need. His tip leaking with pre-cum. “Just as eager as I thought you’d be.” He muttered as he watched you.

''Always eager to take anything you give me, papi,'' You muttered softly as he slid his finger out of your mouth with a pop. He traced his wet finger over your swollen lips, making you whine softly. ''Need you to fill my mouth up,'' You whined once more, eagerly shuffling closer to his cock.

You looked perfect, on your knees, your lips parted, and looking up at him.

''Need to make you feel good. Been taking care of me so well.'' You purred softly before you wrapped your delicate small hand around his shaft and inched it closer to your mouth. You stared up at him as you wrapped your lips around him, taking all of him in.

You let out a small gag sound as he hit the back of your throat, saliva trickling down the side of your mouth and down her chin. You pulled him out of your mouth, letting out a small cough. It certainly had been a while since you'd done this.

''Sorry.''' You mumbled sheepisly.

His hand caressed the back of your head, as his breathing grew heavier. “S’okay, you’re…you’re doing fine.” He panted out, fighting back the urge to not just take what he wanted, the urge to push you down further on his cock.

''Go slow, bebita. No need to strain yourself.''

You licked at your lips, taking a deep breath as you took him back into your mouth. The sound of gurgling and gagging bounced off the walls, as well as Miguel's groans and growls as you continued to suck him off.

He held the back of your head, gripping onto your hair as he guided your head up and down on him. ''So good for me. Taking my cock like the good girl you are.'' His words only spurred you on, making her moan as you sucked on him, tongue swirling against his cock.

Your eyes started to tear up as you steadied your hands on his thighs. Miguel's praises were going straight to your core; making you even more wet than you already was, if that was possible.

A few of his grunts and groans escaped his mouth, the sounds were loud and evident, and he couldn’t do anything but grip your hair harder. It felt good.

''Keep going... feels so good... yeah that's it,'' Miguel growled as he pushed your head further down on him, feeling him hitting the back of your throat continuously. ''Fuck... gonna cum.'' Miguel's head tilted back as his hips pushed against your mouth before he let out a guttural moan as he came. His body shuddering as his hand in your hair felt almost painful but pleasurable at the same time.

You swallowed the salty substance before taking his cock out of your mouth with a pop.

You stared up at him with glossy eyes, her cheeks a red hue and your skin covered in a thin layer of sweat. Miguel was panting and coming down from his climax. ''Did I do good?'' You questioned softly, as you licked over your lips.

Miguel opened his eyes slowly, looking down at you, his lips curling into a small smile. He brushed away a stray piece of hair from your face.

“Mi amor, you did more than good,” He muttered, before tucking his cock back into his pants.

Miguel helped you up from the floor, your legs a little wobbly and your knees feeling a little bruised due to having them pressed onto the hard floor. ''You always taste so good when you come in my mouth,'' You muttered softly. Miguel pulled her into a soft kiss, cradling the back of your head as you whined into his mouth.

Miguel pulled away from her swollen lips, before bending down a little to reach out to the back of your knees, hauling you over his shoulder like you were a sack of potatoes. A soft giggle escaped your lips as he carried you over to the bed.

You let out a small oof as you landed on the soft mattress of your king-sized bed. You shuffled closer to the pillows, letting out a soft sigh as you snuggled up to them.

Miguel lifted and unbuttoned his shirt, exposing his tan and muscular upper body, before chucking it onto the floor. Miguel's eyes widened a little as you noticed a new scar on one of his shoulder blades. That wasn't there before.

You shuffled to the edge of the bed, settling yourself onto your knees. ''Did you get that one when you were away for the week?'' You questioned softly, your eyes locked on the scar on his shoulder blade. It was a nasty scar, and Miguel was a mafia boss. Of course, he indulged in dangerous things. It was a part of what he did.

A soft smile curled on his lips, but it grew tight with pain as he remembered where the scar came from. “Yeah…” He muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed to remove his sleek black shoes.

He let out a small sigh, his fingers tracing the scar as he listened to your soft voice. “Bullet wound. Took it on that last job.” He muttered, sounding distant, the scar was still fresh, and he was still learning to cope with the reminder of their failed operation.

You moved closer to him, settling yourself behind him, your arms wrapping around him. You leaned down to place a soft kiss on the scar, humming softly. ''Did you at least get the fucker who gave you that?'' You placed your chin on his shoulder, tilting your head a little to meet his eyes.

“Yeah,” Miguel mumbled, taking a deep breath before he spoke again. “Beat the information out of him.”

A hand came up to cup the back of your head, his fingers threading themselves through your hair.

''Damn... didn't know my husband could resort to such violence. It's sexy.'' You purred as you leaned into to kiss his cheek, before pulling away and falling back against the bed with a soft giggle.

Miguel chuckled at your words, before standing up and removing his pants, leaving him in his black boxer briefs, before stepping back over to the bed and sliding in beside you. His chest pressed up against your back, as he moved some hair away from your neck before leaning down to place wet kisses against your neck.

You hummed softly as he pressed himself more up against you, feeling his hardening cock press against the material of your underwear. ''Mhmm.... Miguel.'' You mumbled as you closed your eyes, relishing in the feeling of his lips on your neck, and his cock pressing up against the globes of your ass.

His hand snaked around your waist, skimming down to the waistband of your underwear, before slipping inside. You instinctively spread your legs a little, giving him more room to explore. His fingers found your clit, dragging two of his digits through your soaked slit. ''So wet for me, hm?'' He crooned into your ear and you only whined in response, your back pressing up against his chest.

''You like that, mi corazon?'' He asked, mumbling against your neck. You nodded, as you spread your legs wider for him. Miguel stopped, as he grabbed your jaw with his free hand and made you look at him. ''Use your words.''

''Yes, I do...'' You said softly, almost like you were embarrassed. Miguel couldn't help but smile as he went back to circling his fingers over her clit. Your soft little whimpers drove him wild, and he wanted to hear more. He slid one finger inside you, pulling back to watch your face. You bit your lip and closed your eyes, and the sight drove him feral.

''Mierda, you're beautiful,'' Miguel said, pushing his finger a little deeper inside of you, curling it. After a while, your moans were growing louder as he added another finger. Your hand grabbed at his wrist, but he kept going, going faster. Your back arched against him,, and your moans reached a higher pitch.

''You're doing so well for me.'' He whispered, nipping at your neck. ''You're such a good slut for me, hm?''

''Yes... oh god.... please don't stop.'' You replied, your legs closing up around his hand as the pleasure built. Miguel nudged you to open with his free hand, holding onto your inner thigh as he watched your face contort in pleasure.

''Be a good girl and come all over my fingers. So I can lick it all up after.'' Miguel purred as he continued to thrust two of his fingers up into you, feeling his curl and twist his wrist, hitting that spongy spot.

''Miggy... gonna come.'' You whined as you arched into his chest once more. ''Not yet, need to fill this pussy up with my cock first.'' He muttered into your ear, voice sultry and sexy. Miguel removed his fingers from your aching pussy, making you whine at the loss of contact. Your head tilted a little to the side, seeing him slip his two fingers into his mouth, tasting your essence. The sight made you bite your lip.

Miguel took out his hardening cock from his boxers, before nudging the head between her folds, coating it in her slickness. ''You ready?'' He questioned and you hummed in response, ''Yes, please. I need it, need you.'' Miguel didn't need any more confirmation than that, as he slowly nudge the head of his cock into your tight and wet hole.

Your hand gripped around the bed sheets, head tilting back against his chest as he slid into you, slowly. ''Fuck you're tight, bebita.'' Miguel groaned as he pushed in further, feeling your walls clamping around him, squeezing him.

His hand snaked around your waist, holding onto you as he let you adjust to him before slowly rutting his hips against you. Your hand wrapped around his arm that laid around your waist, nails digging into his skin. ''So good... faster,'' Miguel growled at your words as he started quickening his pace, his balls slapping against your ass as he slid in and out of you.

''This pussy was made for me. Just me.'' Miguel said as his breathing quickened, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling up the room. ''Just you.'' You echoed back as you felt yourself reaching your climax. Miguel could feel it too as you squeezed around him.

''You close?'' He rasped into your ear, ''Yeah... close.''

Miguel almost slid out of you before slamming back in, making you jolt as a wanton moan slipped from your lips. ''Then cum, want you cumming all over my cock. Milk me dry, bebita.'' And that's all it took before the coil in your stomach snapped and your orgasm washed over you, nails digging harder into the flesh of Miguel's arm.

Your buddy shuddered and twitched as your vision went white for a second, feeling your body slowly come down from the high. ''That's it, good girl.'' Miguel cooed as he continued to thrust into you, reaching for his own release.

And he wasn't far behind before he emptied himself inside you with a growl, painting your walls white. Your chest heaved up and down as Miguel slipped his cock out of you, feeling his cum dripping out from you and down your inner thigh. Miguel reached his hand down between your thighs, collecting your cum and his before pushing two of his digits inside, making you whine at how sensitive you were.

He leaned over and grabbed your chin, turning your face to meet his as he pulled you into a searing kiss. Your hand came up to the side of his face, slipping up into his dark luscious locks as you hummed against his lips.

He pulled away, putting both hands on your cheeks as he cradled your face in his hands, ''Happy birthday, mi corazon.''

#miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #miguel spiderman #spiderman 2099 #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara smut #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel x you #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel smut #miguel o'hara one shot

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hollowed-theory-hall · 9 months ago

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Harry Potter is Probably Gay and Here's Why

So.... a lot of this fandom likes to call one Harry James Potter a Bi disaster. Personally, I think he's gay and I can use book text to prove he isn't actually attracted to women at all.

So here goes:

How Harry Describes Men

Harry describes many men as attractive and handsome in the books, not only that but in general Harry goes into more detail when describing male characters. I'll mention it again in a later section in this post, but when describing men, even those Harry doesn't find attractive, he tends to describe much more details about them than about girls he supposedly does find attractive. Something that to me suggests, he doesn't find these girls attractive at all.

Here are some examples of Harry finding men attractive:

Charlie Weasley:

Charlie was built like the twins, shorter and stockier than Percy and Ron, who were both long and lanky. He had a broad, good-natured face, which was weatherbeaten and so freckly that he looked almost tanned; his arms were muscular, and one of them had a large, shiny burn on it.

(Goblet of Fire, page 52)

Bill Weasley:

However, Bill was — there was no other word for it — cool. He was tall, with long hair that he had tied back in a ponytail. He was wearing an earring with what looked like a fang dangling from it. Bill’s clothes would not have looked out of place at a rock concert, except that Harry recognized his boots to be made, not of leather, but of dragon hide.

(Goblet of Fire, page 52)

Cedric Diggory:

Cedric Diggory was an extremely handsome boy of around seventeen.

(Goblet of Fire, page 71)

Sirius Black:

Sirius was lounging in his chair at his ease, tilting it back on two legs. He was very good-looking; his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance neither James’s nor Harry’s could ever have achieved, and a girl sitting behind him was eyeing him hopefully, though he didn’t seem to have noticed.

(Order of the Pheonix, page 642)

Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so.

(Order of the Pheonix, page 644)

Firenze:

white-blond hair and astonishingly blue eyes, the head and torso of a man joined to the palomino body of a horse.

(Order of the Pheonix, page 598)

Professor McGonagall turned next to Parvati Patil, whose first question was whether Firenze, the handsome centaur, was still teaching Divination

(Half-Blood Prince, page 174)

Blaise Zabini:

He recognized a Slytherin from their year, a tall black boy with high cheekbones and long, slanting eyes

(Half-Blood Prince, page 143)

Draco Malfoy:

It was Draco Malfoy. He had pushed to the front of the crowd, his cold eyes alive, his usually bloodless face flushed, as he grinned at the sight of the hanging, immobile cat.

(Chamber of Secrets, page 133)

Malfoy, who had a pale, pointed, sneering face

(Prisoner of Azkaban, page 79)

A pale boy with a pointed face and white-blond hair

(Goblet of Fire, pages 116-117)

Tom Marvolo Riddle:

There was no trace of the Gaunts in Tom Riddle’s face. Merope had got her dying wish: He was his handsome father in miniature, tall for eleven years old, dark-haired, and pale

(Half-Blood Prince, page 269)

The door creaked open. There on the threshold, holding an oldfashioned lamp, stood a boy Harry recognized at once: tall, pale, dark-haired, and handsome — the teenage Voldemort.

(Half-Blood Prince, page 364)

Harry recognized Voldemort at once. His was the most handsome face and he looked the most relaxed of all the boys.

(Half-Blood Prince, page 369)

followed by a tall young man Harry had no difficulty whatsoever in recognizing as Voldemort. He was plainly dressed in a black suit; his hair was a little longer than it had been at school and his cheeks were hollowed, but all of this suited him; he looked more handsome than ever.

(Half-Blood Prince, page 434)

I don't think anyone would argue Harry isn't attracted to men... He's kind of obvious. What I want to go more into detail about is him not being attracted to women, as that's what I think I disagree with most of the fandom about.

How Harry Describes Women (for comparison)

So, we saw how Harry describes men, specifically men he finds attractive, so, let's compare to how he describes a girl he thinks is pretty, like Cho Chang:

Harry couldn’t help noticing, nervous as he was, that she was extremely pretty. She smiled at Harry as the teams faced each other behind their captains, and he felt a slight lurch in the region of his stomach that he didn’t think had anything to do with nerves.

(Prisoner of Azkaban, page 259)

“Good luck, Harry!” called Cho. Harry felt himself blushing.

(Prisoner of Azkaban, page 304)

She was waiting for him a little to the side of the oak front doors, looking very pretty with her hair tied back in a long ponytail.

(Order of the Pheonix, page 556)

These are all the physical descriptions I managed to find of Cho, the girl Harry supposedly has a crush on from 3rd to 5th year... yeah, I don't see it. Sure, he mentions she's pretty, and he blushes around her, but he doesn't describe anything else about her. Not eye color, not hair color, skin color, eye shape, physique — nothing! Compare this to how he describes Bill Weasley or Blaise Zabini even, with so much more detail in their description.

Now, details in descriptions when writing from a character's POV are very important. Because a character would use more words to describe what's most important or striking to them... and in Harry's case Cho isn't it.

We know she's pretty and Harry's nervous around her, but the descriptions are just so stale and distant compared to: Tom "handsomest face in the room" Riddle, or Sirius "handsome handsomed handsomely" Black.

And I want to talk about Harry's crush on Cho more, but first:

Fleur Delacor:

I want to talk about Fleur for a bit. Because Harry's reaction to Fleur is very interesting, specifically because Fleur is a quarter veela.

Ron was still goggling at the girl as though he had never seen one before. Harry started to laugh. The sound seemed to jog Ron back to his senses. “She’s a veela!” he said hoarsely to Harry.

…

many boys’ heads turned, and some of them seemed to have become temporarily speechless, just like Ron.

(Goblet of Fire, page 252)

Veelas are literally magically attractive, if you are attracted to women, you'll find a veela woman attractive and be mesmerized. We see it with Ron and other boys, as Harry notes in the above quote. Ron and many other boys all stare, speechless at Fleur because that's how her magic works.

Harry, on the other hand, isn't affected at all. To the point, he's confused by Ron's drooling over Fleur. He later in GoF wonders why Ron wanted to go with Fleur to the Yule Ball so much, as he didn't see the appeal.

Harry is literally not attracted to a woman who is magically attractive to anyone who's attracted to women.

Looking careworn, she [Fleur] left the room. Ron still seemed slightly punch-drunk; he was shaking his head experimentally like a dog trying to rid its ears of water. “Don’t you get used to her if she’s staying in the same house?” Harry asked. “Well, you do,” said Ron, “but if she jumps out at you unexpectedly, like then . . .”

(Half-Blood Prince, page 93)

It continues in his later interactions with Fleur, like when he arrives at the Burrow in HBP in the above quote. Harry asks Ron if he shouldn't get used to Fleur and stop drooling whenever he sees her, to which Ron responds that you do to a degree. The thing is, Harry isn't used to being around Fleur, he just arrived, after not seeing her for over a year. But still, he isn't affected at all, like in 4th year, he seems to not get what all the fuss is about.

That being said, Harry does react to the full veela in the Quidditch World Cup:

But a hundred veela were now gliding out onto the field, and Harry’s question was answered for him. Veela were women . . . the most beautiful women Harry had ever seen . . . except that they weren’t — they couldn’t be — human. This puzzled Harry for a moment while he tried to guess what exactly they could be; what could make their skin shine moon-bright like that, or their white-gold hair fan out behind them without wind . . . but then the music started, and Harry stopped worrying about them not being human — in fact, he stopped worrying about anything at all.

...

And as the veela danced faster and faster, wild, half-formed thoughts started chasing through Harry’s dazed mind. He wanted to do something very impressive, right now. Jumping from the box into the stadium seemed a good idea . . . but would it be good enough? “Harry, what are you doing?” said Hermione’s voice from a long way off. The music stopped. Harry blinked. He was standing up, and one of his legs was resting on the wall of the box. Next to him, Ron was frozen in an attitude that looked as though he were about to dive from a springboard.

(Goblet of Fire, page 103)

I'm not sure exactly about the full veela's effects. Mostly because Arthur Weasley doesn't seem as affected as Harry and Ron, and Harry describes the crowd in general reacting to them, not just the men. Hermione doesn't seem affected though.

Something I want to note is that Harry only becomes affected once they start dancing, and not just by looking at them the way Ron and some of the boys are described as being with Fluer. Only when the music and dance start Harry becomes mesmerized. Before that, he is wondering how their hair moves behind them without wind... Additionally, after the music stops, Harry snaps out of it quickly, Ron on the other hand doesn't and proceeds to tear his Ireland merch.

So, while full veela, can influence him, it isn't by their appearance alone but by magic beyond their regular magical attractiveness.

Note that even with the veela, Harry barely describes anything about them. his descriptions of them aren't as detailed as his descriptions of men he finds attractive.

So even if he is attracted to women, it's very minor and barely there.

Harry's Disastrous Relationship with Cho

So, Harry and Cho... I don't think it's a pairing that has fans, but I might be wrong about that. Regardless of your opinion about it, I don't think Harry actually liked Cho. Like, at all.

They looked at each other for a long moment. Harry felt a burning desire to run from the room and, at the same time, a complete inability to move his feet. “Mistletoe,” said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head. “Yeah,” said Harry. His mouth was very dry. “It’s probably full of nargles, though.” “What are nargles?” “No idea,” said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to have been Stunned. “You’d have to ask Loony. Luna, I mean.” Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose. “I really like you, Harry.” He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain. She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes. . . .

(Order of the Pheonix, page 456)

Cho, the girl Harry is convinced he's crushing on since he was 13, is about to kiss him under the mistletoe, and he's thinking about nargles and Luna... And how does he feel about kissing Cho?

"a burning desire to run from the room"

He wants to run away from kissing Cho. And, well, it doesn't get any better than that.

“What kept you?” he [Ron] asked, as Harry sank into the armchair next to Hermione’s. Harry did not answer. He was in a state of shock. Half of him wanted to tell Ron and Hermione what had just happened, but the other half wanted to take the secret with him to the grave. “Are you all right, Harry?” Hermione asked, peering at him over the tip of her quill. Harry gave a halfhearted shrug. In truth, he didn’t know whether he was all right or not.

(Order of the Pheonix, page 457)

He is not sure he's alright after kissing Cho. Harry thinks about kissing Cho like it's a traumatic experience... He's happier talking about Voldemort's resurrection than about his first kiss. (WTF Harry?)

Harry doesn't like Cho. Not even a bit.

“Did you kiss?” asked Hermione briskly. Ron sat up so fast that he sent his ink bottle flying all over the rug. Disregarding this completely he stared avidly at Harry. “Well?” he demanded. Harry looked from Ron’s expression of mingled curiosity and hilarity to Hermione’s slight frown, and nodded. “HA!” Ron made a triumphant gesture with his fist and went into a raucous peal of laughter that made several timid-looking second years over beside the window jump. A reluctant grin spread over Harry’s face as he watched Ron rolling around on the hearthrug. Hermione gave Ron a look of deep disgust and returned to her letter. “Well?” Ron said finally, looking up at Harry. “How was it?” Harry considered for a moment. “Wet,” he said truthfully. Ron made a noise that might have indicated jubilation or disgust, it was hard to tell.

(Order of the Pheonix, pages 456-458)

I don't need I need to add anything here... Harry speaks for himself.

“You just had to be nice to her,” said Hermione, looking up anxiously. “You were, weren’t you?” “Well,” said Harry, an unpleasant heat creeping up his face, “I sort of — patted her on the back a bit.” Hermione looked as though she was restraining herself from rolling her eyes with extreme difficulty. “Well, I suppose it could have been worse,” she said. “Are you going to see her again?” “I’ll have to, won’t I?” said Harry. “We’ve got D.A. meetings, haven’t we?” “You know what I mean,” said Hermione impatiently. Harry said nothing. Hermione’s words opened up a whole new vista of frightening possibilities. He tried to imagine going somewhere with Cho — Hogsmeade, perhaps — and being alone with her for hours at a time. Of course, she would have been expecting him to ask her out after what had just happened. . . . The thought made his stomach clench painfully. “Oh well,” said Hermione distantly, buried in her letter once more, “you’ll have plenty of opportunities to ask her. . . .” “What if he doesn’t want to ask her?” said Ron, who had been watching Harry with an unusually shrewd expression on his face. “Don’t be silly,” said Hermione vaguely, “Harry’s liked her for ages, haven’t you, Harry?” He did not answer. Yes, he had liked Cho for ages, but whenever he had imagined a scene involving the two of them it had always featured a Cho who was enjoying herself, as opposed to a Cho who was sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder.

(Order of the Pheonix, page 460)

Okay, so I have two things to mention about this quote.

The first, Harry realizes he doesn't like Cho and probably never did. He didn't consider dating her until Hermoine mentioned it. He doesn't want to date her. He's terrified and grossed out by the notion.

This isn't a boy with a crush. I'd argue this proves he isn't straight at all. I mean, a guy who is attracted to girls, even if not crushing on Cho specifically, wouldn't be horrified to a painful degree at the thought of going on a date with a pretty girl. Or kissing a pretty girl. His reaction is just too viscerally grossed out.

The second is Ron's response. Not really related to Harry being gay, but I love Harry and Ron's friendship so I want to mention it. Hermione and a good chunk of the fandom dunk on Ron for having "the emotional range of a teaspoon", but he clearly doesn't. Ron is Harry's best friend, he knows Harry better than anyone else, yes, better than Hermione even, and this scene proves it. Hermione is flippant, ignoring Harry's responses to his kiss with Cho, just saying he should ask her out as if it's obvious.

Ron on the other hand, Ron notices Harry's expression and the turmoil thinking of dating Cho causes him. Ron is the one who speaks up that maybe Harry doesn't want to date Cho. He immediately defends Harry and his option to choose not to date Cho. (Ron would be very supportive if Harry ever came out, is what I'm saying)

They sat down at the last remaining table, which was situated in the steamy window. Roger Davies, the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain, was sitting about a foot and a half away with a pretty blonde girl. They were holding hands. The sight made Harry feel uncomfortable, particularly when, looking around the tea shop, he saw that it was full of nothing but couples, all of them holding hands. Perhaps Cho would expect him to hold her hand.

…

In the time it took for their coffees to arrive, Roger Davies and his girlfriend started kissing over their sugar bowl. Harry wished they wouldn’t; he felt that Davies was setting a standard with which Cho would soon expect him to compete.

(Order of the Pheonix, page 559)

The above quotes are from Harry's disaster of a date with Cho. I think no one needs me to explain that the date went badly, but what I want to note is how uncomfortable and grossed out Harry is by the very notion of holding Cho's hands. That he'd have to kiss her again.

Like, again, even if he isn't crushing on her, a guy who's attracted to girls wouldn't be grossed out and pained at the thought of kissing or holding hands with a pretty, attractive girl.

Harry has never been attracted to Cho, and I don't think he's attracted to girls at all.

But What About Ginny?

So this post has gotten quite long already, but I don't think Harry actually likes Ginny. And I have evidence for it in the sequel to this post that is taking a while to write.

No hate for Hinny shippers, but I don't see the pairing, like, at all. I did write some of my thoughts about Hinny here until I finish with the more comprehensive post about them.

But in general, let's just say Harry never uses the word pretty (or good-looking, or nice-looking, or attractive) to describe Ginny. Ever.

And when I looked for his descriptions of her all I found were descriptions of her hair:

He felt a strange twinge of annoyance as she [Ginny] walked away, her long red hair dancing behind her

(Half-Blood Prince, page 136)

she was the only real thing in the world, Ginny, the feel of her, one hand at her back and one in her long, sweet-smelling hair

(Deathly Hollows, page 103)

(There are more descriptions of her hair in the books, but they follow the same lines as these and don't add more information)

Again, contrast these descriptions to the ones of the guys earlier. No eye color, face shape, eye shape, or descriptions of her body or clothes — nothing.

I have more to say about their relationship, but that's for another post.

#harry potter #harry potter thoughts #harry potter theory #hp theory #hollowedtheory #overthinking #hp #hp thoughts #harry james potter #hp meta #harry potter meta #harry potter analysis #anti hinny #cho chang #ginny weasley

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whatusername00 · 4 months ago

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Which Baldur's Gate Characters Know How To Lace Up Their Clothing - Camp Edition

I got this idea because I noticed Gortash's shirt isn't laced properly, and then noticed Astarion's shirt isn't laced properly, so now I need to look at as many characters as I can because I can't stop noticing. And I'm about to spend too much time on this for it to stay in my brain. Starting with all characters who appear at camp (main party + others.)

Shadowheart, Lae'zel, Gale, Withers, Aylin, Mizora, Duke Ravenguard, Emmaline, and Arnell don't have lacing on their camp outfits.

Starting with the default clothes for Tav. Yes, they know how to lace their shirt. Good job. This particular Tav is Durge, so it's good to know he didn't forget how when his brain got Swiss'd. However, it's not perfectly consistent because on the bottom 2 sets of eyelets he threads from the outside, but the third set he threads from the inside. Though this is probably intentional so the lacing doesn't hang on the inside of his shirt, so 9/10.

Astarion, baby boy, you were so close. But unfortunately there are two pairs of eyelets where he threads one side from the outside and one from the inside. For someone who wants to appear so put together, you think he could take the two extra braincells to lace his shirt consistently. 7/10.

Threaded consistently the whole way through...with one side. Why didn't you finish lacing your shirt? Why even lace one side if you weren't going to lace the other? Why isn't the lacing that you didn't finish shorter than the one that you did finish? All questions I can't answer because I cannot ask. 7/10 at least it's consistent.

I couldn't get a good in game screenshot of Karlach since her lacing is on her pants, but I found a texture rip so I can work with it. So the lacing here is the same all the way through, super consistent, *mwah*, but...it's sneakily unnecessarily complicated. Typically, the lacing that laces from the inside to outside would sit on top, but it's not that way on her pants. She pulls the lacing through the eyelet, then threads it under the other part of the cross, then threads it through the top of the next eyelet. And with as much lacing as her pants have, this must have taken forever for no extra benefit. It would have been easier to let it sit on top. 8/10 its pretty though.

Halsin. Beautiful. Gorgeous. I choose to believe the knots are hidden on the inside. No other notes. 10/10.

I've never actually recruited Minthara so I took a picture from the BG3 wiki. Just like Halsin, beautiful. Again, I choose to believe the ends are hidden on the inside. 10/10.

Jaheira's pants lace the same way Halsin's shirt does: perfectly. Though if the knot is hidden on the inside, I feel like that would be more uncomfortable, so I'm gonna headcannon that it ties at her waist under her shirt. Other than that, 10/10.

Minsc's shirt uses the same model as Wyll's so everything I said there applies here, though I feel like it makes more sense for Minsc. My real gripe here is that Minsc is a liar. Talking 'bout some thrice laced pants, but I didn't see any lacing on those pants. How dare he trick me in this way. 6/10 I don't like being lied to.

Yenna's mom may be dead, but she made sure her baby knew how to lace her shirt before she did. She may have gotten kidnapped by Orin, but she looked put together while doing it. Perfect 10/10. She deserves it after what she went through.

After being dead for 100 years, Isobel didn't forget how to lace her armor. Gotta be put together to see her girlfriend again. 10/10 Isobel can do no wrong.

Volo...I don't know what you've done to the front of your pants but it doesn't look good. Some of those crosses are missing. It looks sloppy. What is this. This is something I would do as a joke to see if anyone noticed. Well I noticed and I hate it. 2/10 it keeps your pants closed I guess.

That's it for the camp. I'll link other sets of characters below as I do them.

Tieflings

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wroetominter · 4 days ago

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Close - George Clarke

In which George and Y/n are good friends, and a really shit bet makes them get even closer.

Pairing: George Clarke X FemReader

Warnings: none

———

The YouTube friend groups were always a bit odd weren’t they. A few people who just got along well would end up filming together consistently to the point where it was almost weird to see them filming alone. I had ended up in a weird mix of people. I occasionally filmed with larger group settings for challenge videos, or adventures but mainly stuck with my core group. This consisted of ArthurTV, Arthur Hill, ChrisMD, George Clarke, and Italian Bach.

We had found each other through mutual friends on TikTok, finding we made similar content so it just sort of worked out. I didn’t fully anticipate becoming such good friends with them, though.

I had moved into the same apartment complex as Chris, Arthur Hill, and George a few months back, and since then it had become quite the regular occurrence for us all to hang out together and watch movies, play games, or even just have dinner together.

I found myself most friendly with George. We sort of just understood each other. We had similar personalities and humor, so we got along the best in the group. He would come around to my flat more often than anything, mainly to escape the chaos that was sometimes their flat.

Today for instance, I was in my kitchen, making myself some breakfast when there was a knock at my door.

Walking towards the noise, I was met by George standing there with a mug in his hand and his laptop tucked under his arm.

“D’ya mind if I edit here? Chris is recording a voice over and I can’t even hear myself think.” George asked, looking incredibly annoyed at the shorter boy.

“Don’t mind at all, make yourself at home. Do you want some toast?” I asked him, figuring it was rude to eat in front of my new guest.

“Nah I’m alright thanks. Just ate.” We sat together at my kitchen island in a comfortable silence, both focused on our own things.

Nearly an hour later, I felt my back aching from the way I was sitting.

“I’m moving to the couch, my back is killing me. Care to join?” I asked him.

He simply nodded and I already made my way to my sofa, stretching my arms above my head and maneuvering around until I could feel some of my muscles relaxing.

I felt George’s hands on my shoulders, thumbs working their way into a few knots at the base of my neck. I welcomed the kind gesture, humming at the way it was unwinding my knots.

“You’re a lifesaver George. What would I do without you?” I asked.

“Be really tense probably.” I laughed at his joke.

—

A few days later, sprawled out on the couch in the boys flat we all were watching one of the lord of the rings movies. By watching, I did mean I was trying really desperately not to fall asleep.

“I just don’t understand the appeal of this movie series” I commented aloud, being met with nothing but “shhh!” From Arthur and Chris who were sat on the opposite side of the couch from me.

George patted my legs that were laid across his lap, grabbing my attention.

“I don’t get it either. Falling asleep to be honest.” He mumbled, crossing his arms across his chest. I decided to take him up on that offer, and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, scooting to the side on the couch and patting the space beside me. George gladly occupied the space and I threw the blanket over us, snuggling in to get some sleep.

“Fucking wankers, honestly both of them. Can’t even stay up for one of the greatest movies of all time.” I was woken up by Arthur shouting at George and I.

“If by greatest you mean greatest lullaby, then yes Arthur it’s a smash.” I grumbled, trying to get myself to fall back asleep. George’s chest moved beneath my head as he laughed at my joke. A pillow was then thrown at us. We just moved it and continued our slumber.

—

Going out for the evening usually meant George and I babysitting the boys. I wasn’t too heavy of a drinker, usually enjoying only one or two drinks, and we were all aware that George was just an incredibly tolerant individual when it came to his drinks.

The other boys? Not so much.

We had been to two pubs thus far on our journey through London, and both of the Arthur’s were already pissed from about 3 drinks each.

“How many drinks do you reckon they’ll be able to get down them?” George asked me, lazily throwing his arm over my shoulders.

I instinctively snuggled into him, noting the soft smell of his cologne.

“I bet 4 more each and they’re gone.” I said. George stuck his hand out to me.

“I’ll take that bet. I think they’ll only need three more.”

“What are we betting?” I asked him.

“Ah I don’t know, we’ll think of something later. Maybe loser has to make dinner or something.” He suggested.

I watched as the boys necked drink after drink, and unfortunately for myself, Arthur Hill threw up in a bush on our way home after having only three additional drinks. ArthurTV did me justice however and kept himself together decently, although he was stumbling like crazy around the streets.

“Are you sure you’ll make it alright?” I asked ArthurTV for a third time as he booked himself an Uber back to his flat.

“M’fine. Bach is going to make sure I get home safely.” I gave him a quick hug goodbye and followed Arthur and George into our building.

Arthur was slumped over George’s shoulder, stumbling like crazy.

“How are you this drunk?” George asked him.

“Had a few secret shots. Shhhh don’t tell Y/n!” He said, completely oblivious to the fact that I was in fact, in the hallway with them.

“I’m going to put him to bed. Do you want to watch anything together or are you off to bed?” George asked me. I peered at the time, it was only 11:30pm, and I had had some caffeine. I was good to stay awake quite some time longer.

“We can continue watching that cooking show if you like?” He nodded.

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll see you there in a few.”

I made my way to my flat, leaving the door unlocked for when George made it over.

I changed into some pajama pants and a loose tshirt, getting my makeup off and face washed for a cozy night on the sofa.

I made some popcorn, putting it into a bowl when George entered the flat.

“Did you want to watch in here or in the bedroom?” He asked. I pondered this for a minute. The tv in my room was better, and I would probably be much comfier in bed.

“Let’s do bed, then if I crash we don’t have to move.” I brought the popcorn with, grabbing some extra throw pillows and making us a good spot to rest our backs.

George lifted his arm, letting me cuddle into him as he flicked the remote to the cooking show we had been watching together.

About half way into the episode, George paused the show, moving the now empty bowl to the side.

I looked up to him inquisitively, only to find him already looking at me.

“Do I have popcorn on my face?” I asked, feeling a little silly if I did.

“I didn’t get to cash in on my bet win earlier.” He responded.

I tilted my head “go on then, what do you want?”

He paused for a minute, then reached his hand out, caressing the side of my face. He leaned forward, closing the small gap between us and kissing me.

It’s not that I hadn’t ever thought about George this way, I mean, being best friends with someone this attractive you’re bound to have some thoughts here and there. I just didn’t know he felt them too.

We pulled back for air, and I saw a cheesy smile creeping across George’s lips.

“What?” I laughed with him, smiling back at him.

“Didn’t expect you to kiss me back to be honest. I’m just really relieved you did.”

“Of course I’d kiss you back. I’d be stupid not to wouldn’t I?”

“I think I’d be the stupid one if I waited any longer to make a move on you.” I laughed and snugged closer to him, pressing a few more kisses to his lips.

“I think you made the right choice.”

#wroetominterimagines #george clarke #george clarkeey #george clarkey #george clarke fics #george clarke fluff #arthur hill #chrismd #imagine

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grunckle · 11 months ago

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Qualia and Ascension in Rain World

(To clarify I'm mostly talking about base-game lore and not including Downpour, but honestly most of these things can transfer over)

Qualia

One thing that’s relatively hidden in Rain World’s text and subtext is the concept of qualia. Qualia is described as being, “sensory experiences that have distinctive subjective qualities but lack any meaning or external reference to the objects or events that cause them.” It’s a personal sensory experience that cannot be comprehended by another person other than the individual themself, and are often hard to convey via language.

Qualia is a reoccurring motif in Rain World, but what’s more important is the way in which it’s conveyed to the player. The picture that’s painted is that of a world or civilization that placed a great importance on the individuals’ experience, and it’s shown through pearls or environmental details.

Here are some examples of qualia appearing in the text through pearls.

“It's qualia, or a moment - a very short one. Someone is holding a black stone, and twisting it slightly as they drag their finger across the rough surface. The entire sequence is shorter than a heartbeat, but the resolution is extraordinary.”

“A memory... but not really visual, or even concrete, in its character. It reminds of the feeling of a warm wind, but not the physical feeling but the... inner feeling. I don't think it has much utility unless you are doing some very fringe Regeneraist research.”

“This one... is authored by Five Pebbles, when he was young. There has been an attempt to scramble the data, but it's sloppily done, and most is still somewhat legible. It's written in internal language, or thoughts, so it is hard for me to translate so you would understand.”

But the most prominent examples of qualia and it’s importance in this world are the Memory Crypts and possibly ancient naming conventions. The deep purple pearl (shortened) found in Shaded Citadel states,

“In this vessel is the living memories of Seventeen Axes, Fifteen Spoked Wheel, of the House of Braids (…) Seventeen Axes, Fifteen Spoked Wheel nobly decided to ascend in the beginning of 1514.008, after graciously donating all (ALL!) earthly possessions to the local Iterator project (Unparalleled Innocence), and left these memories to be cherished by the carnal plane. The assorted memories and qualia include:”

Ancients likely mutated their own neural tissue into the cabinet beasts we see in Shaded, which were used to store their memories and qualia before ascension. Even james said once "how 5 pebs got the rot is a good hint here" in response to someone asking how cabinet beasts work, and how they're made.

Adding on to this, ancient (and iterator) naming conventions seem to be built off of the concept of qualia, with them focusing on individual images or experiences.

Nineteen Spades, Endless Reflections

Droplets upon Five Large Droplets

Two Sprouts, Twelve Brackets

Looks to the Moon

Generally, this all points to a world focused on the expression and preservation of the individual experience. You could even consider some of the echo dialogue as more evidence for this running motif, but I already have too many quotes lol.

Ascension

So now time to talk about my interpretation of ascension. In short, you turn into a worm, but I should probably explain more than that.

So its been surfacing on rw-tumblr that the light in the end of the game is called the egg in files. Although file names shouldn't be taken as fact or canon, it is pretty obvious given the birth imagery.

But something a little lesser known is what happens to the worm that takes us down to the void-sea depths. Void worms normally have a bright glowing effect, on their body, which is present for ours as well. But after it unhooks us, it swims down, and when it passes us on it's way back that glowing effect is gone.

To be honest, I don't really think this can be interpreted in many ways, but the most obvious one and the one I personally subscribe to is that the worm laid the egg. Biology and spirituality really aren't that different in Rain World, it's implied that karma is stored in the brain through Five Pebbles's slideshow. Adding on to that, we see voidspawn after eating an iterator neuron. One's spiritual state is innately tied to their mental state, and that dictates what and what they can't perceive.

And for that reason I decide to take a more biology leaning approach to what happens in the ending. At face value, we are fertilizing the egg of a void worm to be reborn into a voidspawn.

Not only do void spawn and void worms have multiple characteristics in common, (worm like bodies, tendrils/tentacles, glowing heads, void spawn look microbial and void worms are likely some of the oldest "life" in game)

but voidspawn are seen inside egg-like coverings and share the same egg light seen in the end of the game, confirmed to be the same thing by Videocult in a livestream they did.

I believe that all this points to ascension being re-birth into a voidspawn, which eventually undergoes metamorphose into a worm. Higher-dimensional beings, who manifest and give birth to a new world.

So how does this tie in with qualia? Another thing you might know is that the area in which void spawn are most plentiful is Shaded Citadel and areas in Shoreline near Shaded. And shaded is absolutely packed with Cabinet Beasts, even outside Memory Crypts. I believe these qualia-storing creatures are what manifest voidspawn.

From what we see in ascension, it still looks physical and largely based around the real world. Hunter still has his scars and see's an iterator, survivor sees the slug tree in a more mystical and formless state, and monk sees survivor frankly just looking like a normal slugcat. I think that ascension is a product of qualia. We transcend our earthly knowledge via the egg, and our own qualia is used to give birth to a new world. This is why voidspawn appear most in Shaded Citadel.

Now I won't be getting into Void-Worm theories too much here, I'm mostly focused on ascension but I can't ignore the Gnosticism parallels. For those who don't know, Void Worms heavily resemble the Yaldaboath from Gnosticism, along with sharing some similar celestial motifs.

and running with that some people theorize that, like the Yaldabaoth, void worms are responsible for manifesting the material world. Ascension seems to be a mix of the concepts of Gnosis and Nirvana, but I believe it might lean more on Gnosis.

From my limited knowledge, Gnosis is a few things, some of which being a state achieved from experiences or intuitions, and an essential part to salvation is personal knowledge. While researching a bit, I came across this text by Peter Wilberg called "From NEW AGE to NEW GNOSIS" which brings up some comparisons between Gnosticism and qualia as well.

"Gnosis is subjective knowledge of an inner universe made up not of matter, energy, space or time but of countless qualitative spheres or ‘planes’ of awareness – a knowledge obtained directly through inter- subjective resonance. It is the subjective science of this inner universe."

One thing though that has been brought up when discussing this is how this can be consolidated with the tone of the ending. It is pretty un-ambiguously happy, but if we're going with the Void worm Yaldaboath theory then that would put a bit of a sour twist on it right?

I agreed with these for some time, but now I actually think it ties in perfectly with Rain World's core themes as stated by the devs, "overcoming differences and finding empathy." I don't think the void worms are "evil" or malevolent, but I think they (and subsequently us after ascending) play a key role in demonstrating this theme.

By manifesting the physical world, we allow these souls to experience life and develop their own qualia so one day they can ascend themselves. We are shown compassion, and pass it forward.

#rain world #rain world lore #lore #rain world spoilers #gnosticism #gnosis

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sparrowlucero · 4 months ago

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So what do we think Beebe's fish were then? I heard tell that the sailfin might have been a squid and that the angelfish was probably a comb jelly, but what about the giant dragonfish or the rainbow gar?

For those not in the know, in the 1930s, biologist William Beebe (who you (read: I) might know as the guy who predicted microraptor) and engineer Otis Barton (hollywood actor?? and designer of fucked up submarines and "jungle spaceships", ok otis) got into a fucked up submarine and went to the bottom of the ocean off the coast of bermuda (in what, iirc, was the first study of deep sea fish in their natural habitat), where he described several fish unknown to science. None of these fish have been identified since. (Side Note: to continue off of "audubon was unfamiliar with the bald eagle" in my last post, this one also has a theory I find a bit silly in "perhaps they just hallucinated fake fish from oxygen deprivation" despite both witnessing the same fish and a lot of his scary book about the dive that you can read here including many lucid observations of known species. It wasn't like he got down there and only saw weird fish and nothing else) The fish in order: Three-starred anglerfish, Abyssal Rainbow Gar, Pallid sailfin, Five-lined Constellation Fish

and yeah I do see why people think these might have been invertebrates mistakenly identified as fish. In his book, Beebe holds off on describing unfamiliar fish if he didn't see them well, but, you know, those little gars really do look like squid. I personally think the most likely one to be a real fish is the angler, since he saw it closely and was able to note several physiological differences in jaw structure that distinguished it from other angler fish.

The most notable one is the "Untouchable Bathysphere Fish", a giant 6 foot long dragonfish (largest known dragonfish is about 2 feet long):

Several minutes later, at 2100 feet, I had the most exciting experience of the whole dive. Two fish went very slowly by, not more than six or eight feet away, each of which was at least six feet in length. They were of the general shape of large barracudas, but with shorter jaws which were kept wide open all the time I watched them. A single line of strong lights, pale bluish, was strung down the body. The usual second line was quite absent. The eyes were very large, even for the great length of the fish. The undershot jaw was armed with numerous fangs which were illumined either by mucus or indirect internal lights. Vertical fins well back were one of the characters which placed it among the sea-dragons, Melanostomiatids, and were clearly seen when the fish passed through the beam. There were two long tentacles, hanging down from the body, each tipped with a pair of separate, luminous bodies, the upper reddish, the lower one blue. These twitched and jerked along beneath the fish, one undoubtedly arising from the chin, and the other far back near the tail. I could see neither the stem of the tentacles nor any paired fins, although both were certainly present. This is the fish I subsequently named Bathysphera intacta, the Untouchable Bathysphere Fish.

I believe this solely because it's really cool Though I want posit a theory I've never heard before: it's almost never remarked upon that he discovered these weird fish over a live (now lost media that no one is searching for, get on that) NBC radio broadcast. Maybe he just made up some cool sea monsters with a big climactic sea serpent for said broadcast, both because I would totally do that if it were me and also so he had a good excuse to sign off and get the fuck out of this situation:

#i looked through so many write ups about these fish and like none of them mentioned the live broadcast aspect #unless I'm totally misunderstanding his book it seems that they were live when he saw the fish

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sierrale8ne · 28 days ago

Text

40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS CHAPTER THIRTEEN

thought i’d be lying if i said ‘i didn’t want you to myself.’ when you look me in my eyes and, tell me that it’s mine, i…

pairing wnba!paige bueckers x singer!oc

taglist @thaatdigitaldiary @ohbueckers @wbbgetsmewetter @rosemariiaa @tndaqlifwy @pboogerswbb @xxloveralways14 @makethemhoesmad @slvt4her @luvapaigeeyy @hedidnotpleaseme @paigesbabygirl @mopopshop @omg-imtumbling @numberonepartyanth3m @wbb4l @authentic-girl03 @slut4uconnwbb @unadulteratedcyclepaper @kplum10 @fuddfanatic35 @avvwritesstufff @paigesluver @bueckersbitch

warnings this one is pretty sad ngl, some internal realizations, angst

kalena speakss 🪽! don’t jump me i swear things are happier next chapter lmao

July 2025 — Los Angeles, California

I’m happy.

The phrase plays over and over in my head like a mantra, like I'm trying to convince myself more than I am everyone else.

Music blares loudly at the Sparks gala, some fancy art museum that was all done up to make our coach and our GM look good, and to make the hundreds of rich donors in the building give money to the organization.

It’s working though, apparently a new practice facility is on the way.

It’s my first Gala, which means Brit dressed me in a fancy pinstriped suit: white button up, black tie. My hair, freshly dyed, falls straight over my shoulders. Some silver chains layered on my neck, studs in my ears.

I look good.

And in a room full of women, I should be taking advantage of the opportunity. But I’m not even sure I want to with the way Maraye is all I can think about.

I think it’s been, scratch that, it's literally been the longest five days of my life. I’ve sent so many texts that my thumbs are swollen, and checked my phone at all hours of the night that my eyes were burning.

She runs through my head during all hours of the day. And if I had a chance to talk to her just once I think everything would be fine.

So you can imagine how quick my neutral expression just flips when I see her. Maraye, in a beautiful floor length navy gown. Her hair done up in a side part, a golden cuff tracing her ear. The tattoo that trails down her neck to her shoulder is even more visible by the way her hair drapes over her shoulder.

I knew she was here, her attendance being part of the reason I dressed up and made my way here. She was all I needed to see. Not all the investors that wanted to talk to the number one pick, or anyone else who wanted me to be Paige Bueckers the basketball player.

I needed to see her. The one who made me feel like I was just me.

"Either y'all say something to each other or move on, P." Cameron snickers as she watches my attempt to just go through the motions. "You have all these girls here and you’re not paying ‘em any mind."

Raye had just finished up a conversation with Coach Roberts. Which makes the smallest change to my expression because there she was, smiling and laughing with my head coach and I can’t help but to wonder if they’re talking about me. If just a little bit of that bright smile of hers is at the mention of my name.

"Better watch out, that girl over there with her mouth watering." Dearica jokes as she points to whoever the hell is making her way over to Raye with her hand on Raye’s arm.

A blonde. Hair shorter than mine and she herself is probably shorter than me too.

I can’t even see her face, but I bet she’s smiling, telling her some corny joke because it makes Raye giggle, and now I’m angry. There’s no way it could be that funny.

I feel wrong. Out of place in a room where, in the least cocky sounding way possible, I literally commanded attention.

But none of it matters, because I stand here, letting my teammates ridicule me over something they know nothing about, while wanting to insert myself into whatever she and Maraye were discussing.

Even more than that, me and her had our own private matters to discuss. There were too many words left unsaid to bring to the surface.

I couldn’t let it all go to waste without talking to her. That’s it. I let it go for five days, but any longer and I was sure that there’d be no more fixing it.

“Okay, I was just kidding but— oh my God you have feelings for her.” Cameron chuckles, and from the corner of my eye I see her jaw drop a little.

“Cam, just shut up for a second.”

I think about when I went to dinner with Nika, and the most important thing that sets in my head while I’m shamelessly staring is when she asked if there was anything holding me back.

Then, I said yes. That the thing was holding me back from Raye was my career.

But now, I feel like an idiot because the real thing holding me back was myself. My shitty relationship skills and my very obvious commitment issues when it came to having feelings for someone.

In what felt like milliseconds, my feet were moving faster than my brain and I was almost in reach of her when my eyes connected with Raye’s.

I can’t read her face. If she’s still hurt or if she wants to find a way to hit me with a car. It’s just blank. Which in my opinion is ten times worse than her giving me a reaction. There is none.

I do, however, pick up on this; the pure amusement when a girl approached me.

I remember her. Tanned skin and curls that framed her face. One of the few girls I’ve had a one night stand with after getting drafted.

"Paige, hey!” She grins, her hand resting on my forearm.

I couldn't help but look past her to see Raye’s response. It was clear that she didn't look pleased, turning away to listen to whatever was being said by other blondie.

I had to make a decision and it was literally my future vs. my very embarrassing past. I just know that letting this conversation continue for even a second longer, was a second that would make Raye hate me more than I think she already does.

"Sorry, if you'll excuse me." I mutter without another thought, not even taking a second look at the woman in front of me, choosing to continue my path to her.

Raye looks at me shocked. Her eyes went wider and her serious expression faltered just slightly.

I don’t even speak, just inserting myself in the space between the fellow blonde and the woman I hoped to take home tonight. Which might be just a bit forward, but I decided then that I didn’t even care.

"Buckets, good to see you!" The blonde greets me, a smile on her face as she senses nothing ill behind my appearance and shakes my hand.

My eyes don’t even look down to her for more than a second, physically stuck to the beauty in front of me.

"Mind if I cut in and speak to Maraye real quick?"

Raye raises her brow before placing her empty glass down. A cup of what I assume had to be a lemon drop.

Her hand presses to that girl's shoulder, smiling much to my irritation. But luckily she ends the conversation there, hopefully keeping it that way for the rest of the night.

Then she’s walking off in front of me, and my legs are moving all too fast to catch up to her. I end up following her out the gala hall and down the hallway, past some stairs, and then she stops. Turing on her Jimmy Choo heels to look at me with her arms crossed.

When I was laying in bed or sitting on my couch, the words I needed to say came easy. Having her stand in front of me though, makes it so much fucking harder.

“You don’t get to do this.”

“Ra—”

“Breaking up my conversation? What, Paige. What could you possibly have to say to me right now?” She asks me.

It’s a good question. I don’t know what I should tell her. Sorry isn’t going to cut it, not with her. I know better than to even try it again.

“Raye, we just need to talk. That’s it. It’s been five days.”

“And I don’t think that’s long enough! I spent seven days thinking about you and you spent seven days avoiding telling me the truth.” She bites. “I’m not ready. Let me be ready.”

And just as fast as I got her alone, she’s pushing off her heels and walking past me, so quick that I don’t even get the chance to reach for her. To hold her back and tell her everything that I’m feeling.

That— the inability to speak to the only person that I really want to be around— that hurts more than anything else I think I’ve ever felt in my life.

So I lied. I’m not happy.

I’m very fucking miserable.

—

July 2025 — Los Angeles, California

It’s hard to explain the feeling.

When I was in her house— Paige trying her hardest to keep me there, within reach— my mind was racing. When we stood face to face at the gala the other night and Paige was looking at me with all the hurt so obvious in her eyes, my heart almost stopped completely.

But now that it’s been over a week since I found out, I think the closest thing to describe all this is numb. I’m numb to it all.

Every time something comes along that reminds me of her— a pretty blonde on the tv, a tweet about the sparks, anything fucking purple— I don’t get upset nor do I cry, I just sit there. Like I'm doing now.

Cassie sits soundly next to me on the couch, I’ve decided that I really needed some older sister love tonight. My head rests on her shoulder, a plate of banana pudding in my lap that reminds me too much of Paige and the first night I really got to know her.

It’s all too emotional. The way Cassie runs her hands through my hair or rubs my shoulder without asking questions. Add on the romance movie on the screen.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, 10 Things I Hate About You plays on my TV, and watching Kat Stratford read her poem makes the tears flow from my eyes nearly as hard as they did last week.

“Ra—no, don’t cry! It’s okay.” Cassie immediately attempts to comfort me, but my eyes aren’t even glued to the screen anymore.

They stare up at the ceiling, as if looking at the white expanse would stop them from falling.

It doesn’t.

It just gives me the perfect background to picture me and her. All of the late night FaceTimes. I can see the screen of my Mac, or my phone, and I can see her in the center of it. I can hear that laugh, loud and so uniquely Paige.

All the late night drives, the chipotle runs, the waffle house breakfasts. Everything I’ve ever done with her just consumes me.

Cassie’s palm spreads over my check, attempting to wipe what’s left of the streaks on my face. It’s almost second nature to her, taking care of me.

“Okay I wasn’t gonna mention Paige, but now you’re crying over a movie we’ve seen thousands of times.” She starts tugging me into her and rubbing my back gently. “Talk to me Chuchi.” She pouts and I laugh at the nickname I probably haven’t heard since I was like 12 years old.

I’ve done a good job at keeping this whole Paige thing under wraps. Nobody knew what was going on between us anyway, and I don’t think we really knew what was going on either until it was being stripped away.

But it was stupid of me to think my sister wouldn’t pick up on the signs. I used to find every excuse to bring Paige up in conversation, and now I haven’t talked about her for a week.

“Is it supposed to hurt this bad?” I ask. “Cause if it is, I swear I’m never getting involved with another woman again.” I sniff, wiping my eyes languidly.

“If it does, that just means you really like her.” Cassie explains. It’s so soft. Like saying anything else, anything real, would break me apart into a million pieces. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

I do. So, I do.

I tell her everything, she’s my sister of course. I leave out nothing, telling her everything I felt when Paige first tumbled into us at the game. To the dinner party, which makes me cry some more over the banana pudding.

Each memory replays in my head like a vivid movie scene. The way Paige kissed me: always skillful but still a bit hesitant like she was trying to learn me, learn my tells and what makes me smile. And as I speak I can still feel her lips and her hands, smell her cologne so vividly that I swear it’s probably lingering on my hoodie right now.

I can so clearly recall everything that went down in her apartment. How fucking happy I was behind that door and how my smile only grew when she opened it and I got to see her again. After days of yearning for her.

After days of wanting her and thinking of her and needing her.

How she touched me that day. I hadn’t even gotten a chance to tell her about how Julian and I were done. But she still touched me so intimately. Like she already knew.

Her hands on my thighs and mine playing with that blonde hair on the nape of her neck. Blue eyes staring into mine like she’d die if she looked away.

Paige had that way of making you think you were the only person in the world. The only person she wanted or cared for, just by looking into your eyes.

And I fell victim to it.

I remember every single word she said to me that day. I also remember every single word I said to her.

Which doesn’t really help when you’re trying to convince yourself that you’re not in the wrong. That walking out was a good decision.

The way her voice raised when she got defensive, telling me I didn’t “get to be upset”. Then the way it immediately contrasted when she apologized. That subtle crack of her voice replayed in my mind over and over like a skipping record.

I’ve only ever been cheated on once in my life. I was young, in high school, in a relationship that lasted a few years.

And that one hurt. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep.

It did make for some good music.

But this. This whatever with Paige feels ten times worse.

I swear I can feel each pulse and throb of my heart in my chest. Each mention of her name causes a few stray, dramatic tears to pool at my waterline.

By the time I finish telling Cassie everything, my nose is already puffy and reddened. I think I’ve stopped crying now, but I'm not sure because my cheeks are still wet. Tissues pile in my lap and some new romance movie plays on the screen.

I didn’t know how much I was holding back until now. Until it was all laid out in front of me and my sister.

“You gotta talk to her, Raye.” She shrugs. I know I do. But thinking about it and actually doing it are two different things.

I look at her wearily. My tongue is poking at the corner of my lips as I think. “I dunno if I’m ready yet, Cas.” I mumble, my voice low. Almost embarrassed.

“I know.” She comforts, running her finger over my knee. “But maybe hearing her out is gonna make things clearer for you. Don’t let this get in the way of what you want.”

I let that sink in. Replaying her words in my head until they stick.

Don’t let this get in the way of what you want.

—

July 2025 — Seattle, Washington

The ball passed through the net consistently. Swish after swish as if I had a point to make or something to prove.

And I do.

I’ve been playing like shit these last couple games before all-star. I blame it on Maraye and my inability to get her out of my head.

So instead of getting sleep, and quite possibly dreaming about her and those perfect eyes, I’m on the court at our hotel, putting up shot after shot until the sound of the nylon and the leather becoming one just meshes in my brain like music.

Music. Yet another thing that reminds me of her.

“What the hell are you doing?”

It’s Rickea. Her voice is easy to spot even with my back turned.

“I’m getting shots up Kea.”

“Well I can see that. It’s two in the morning, P.”

I chase after my rebound once again before looking at her lazily. Completely decked out in Sparks gear, similarly to myself.

I think my silence in this whole matter is part of the reason why I’m struggling so badly. But I don’t know who to talk to. Azzi and Nika would take it upon themselves to fix it. Cam would call me an idiot, which I’ve accepted at this point but still it isn’t what I need.

Kea already told me my head would be served on a silver platter for making a mess.

So I keep it all to myself.

Basketball was my therapy. I’d get in the gyms and shoot till someone was coming in and telling me to go home. Then, everything would be fine.

Except now it’s not fine. Because I get up, go to the gym, and the entire time I’m shooting, I just think about Raye.

“Ion know what to do, Kea.” I shrug, my voice sounding so different than what I’m used to hearing. It’s not certain, actually the complete opposite.

I take another shot. The second it leaves my hands, I know it’s off. The rim clunks loudly at my miss, and that alone is enough to break me down from the inside out.

“Paige.”

“I need to get her back.” I sniff, not even registering the single tear that immediately trails down my cheek. “Help me get her back, Kea.”

Rickea is walking over to me in an instant, stepping in front of me to stop me from grabbing another ball and letting this cycle consume me for another couple hours. She looks at me with something I can’t quite grasp. Like sympathy, but at the same time her eyes are stern like she’s pissed at me.

I deserve that. She told me she’d kill me if I hurt Raye. And I did, bad.

“Paige. Jus’ breathe, aight? Breathe and listen to me for a second.” She says, hands splayed on my shoulders in an attempt to ground me.

This is the most vulnerable I’ve ever been with any of my teammates, let alone Rickea. Usually it’s dumb jokes, and making fun of each other, prying a bit too hard into each of our personal lives. But I nod anyway, taking a shaking breath and wiping my face.

“I’m not gonna tell you how much you fucked up. You already know that.” She starts. “You’re so used to being in control that when you’re not, you start spiraling. Just breathe. Give her time.”

She’s right. I’m usually in control of everything. My career, my family, Maraye. And now that she’s taking control of us, causing that distance, I don’t know what to do.

“This shit fuckin’ hurts, Kea.” I groan, turning around to walk over to the bench. “I know I made a mistake but damn, it’s eating me alive.”

She racks up the balls for me before taking a seat next to me. I probably stink, all the sweat from my late night workout. But still Rickea wraps an arm around me, much different than any of the hugs we’ve had before. Like she doesn’t care about anything else but comforting me.

“You see where she’s coming from tho, right?” She asks me. “If Raye doesn’t wanna talk it’s prolly because she doesn’t wanna hurt you more. I know her well enough to know that mouth is reckless.” She jokes, and it brings a smile to my face because it’s true.

“So instead, she got me payin’ for my mistake by feeling the absence of her in my life.”

“Exactly!” Kea nods as if this is some astute observation. “Well, I dunno if that’s a good thing. But hold onto some hope, Five. She likes you. She doesn’t have to tell me that for me to see it.”

Surprisingly the words do soothe me a bit. If I’m feeling like shit over my own decision, I can only imagine how she’s feeling. With all the shit she got going on work wise, to have me pile more shit on top of it must be terrible.

“Just wait it out a little longer. I like you both together more than I like you apart, okay?”

I nod, holding on to those words tight.

Even though I’m missing her. I just have to wait it out. Whenever she’s ready.

#sierrale8ne #kalena’s works ୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅#paige bueckers #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers smut #uconn wbb #la sparks #lesbian #my fic #40 days and 40 nights

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