#i think i just want steve to have messy relationships... its fun for me :)

[meangirlstobin]

interesting to me how stoncy and tommycarolsteve are kind of opposites in terms of steve's investment in the relationship(s). like w stoncy i can only see it w steve being the most invested bc of how nancy and jonathan are. but w tommycarolsteve steve honestly seems the least invested considered how he ditched them s1 w/o flinching then just never looked back while tommy was honestly kind of pathetically trying to get steve's attention back in s2. this is also why i can only really buy unrequited stommy. i just cannot picture steve ever having been as invested in their relationship as tommy even if steve did have feelings for him at one point.

i definitely think shipping stoncy is an active crime against steve LOL those people do not like him... but i really enjoy it as a messy failship. steve is definitely the one planning dates/doing cute things and not really getting that energy back. i think post s2 stoncy would be especially uneven in this regard but i love the angst and mess of that.....

in terms of stevecaroltommy. i dont know if i'd say steve was the least invested, i just think that steve valued doing the right thing more. His choice to stop being friends with them comes from the realisation that they're all assholes than anything else. In s1 steve, tommy, and carol are definitely close, but in that way when you've known someone a long time and are comfortable around them (sharing food, looking at carol's foot wound, talking about sex) rather than emotionally, at least from what we see.

Personally I like loads of different stommy interpretations, i'm not really set on one!! Unrequited stommy is sooo delicious and definitely the closest to canon but I do think Steve would've been hurt from ending their friendship, we just don't see it! I think he would've missed that easy closeness, especially in that month where he and nancy weren't back together yet. But by s2 he has a lid on it and has moved forward

[strangersatellites]

pride, envy, sloth, gluttony, greed, lust, ao3

Seven Deadly Sins Series (NSFW 18+)

wrath (noun): uncontrolled feelings of anger, rage, and even hatred. wrath often reveals itself in the wish to seek vengeance. in its purest form, wrath presents with injury, violence, and hate

cw: rough sex, unhealthy relationships, blood, unsafe sex, choking, slapping, dacryphilia, angst (????) on accident, probably more tbh they genuinely fucking hate each other in this universe

This thing they’d had going on for three months now really had started off fun.

It started out soft and sweet. Stolen kisses in the back of The Hideout, quick, messy blowjobs in the backseat of Steve’s car, booty calls late at night when one or the other couldn’t sleep.

He can’t really identify what went wrong or when. All Steve knows is that the butterflies that he used to get when Eddie came around have turned and twisted into something sharp and heavy. Now when they’re within earshot of each other it's all biting insults and low-blows.

Somewhere along the line, the happiness that Eddie planted in his heart morphed into bitter resentment. But Steve’s nothing if not self-sacrificial, and the sex was too good to give up. Who is he to deny himself of the only good thing Eddie has left to offer him? So now he finds himself shoved into bar bathrooms and left high and dry, bruises mottled up and down his chest and dark bags under his eyes from a fitful sleep. Somehow he’s convinced himself it's better than nothing.

On nights where he can’t shake the memory of Eddie’s lips on his and his heart fluttering pretty and soft, he goes out. 

He goes out to a seedy club and he finds someone that he won’t remember the name of in the morning and he tries anything to clear his mind. Nothing’s ever as good.

Tonight he’s found himself a few beers deep and tracing water stains on the bar top at some place he’s never been just outside of town. He’d spent the last ten minutes or so talking to a guy that looked like he’d show him a good enough time. Dark, curly hair cut so that it flopped down into his face, pretty blue eyes that went a shade darker when they looked Steve over, and a shirt cut low enough that Steve could see ink swirl across his collarbones in vines and leaves. 

Steve thinks his name is Adam, but he wasn’t really listening and still really isn’t. He’s found that a few soft laughs and hums while guys talk is usually enough to feign interest long enough to coax them to a bathroom. 

This guy, Adam maybe, is about two seconds away from dragging him there himself, he can tell. It’s written all over his body language. Steve smiles his prettiest smile and flutters his eyelashes.

But as soon as he opens his mouth to purr something like “Do you want to get out of here?” There are strong arms snaking around his waist and teeth scraping at his throat and Steve’s blood runs hot in an instant. He’s well-accustomed to it no longer being a good sensation.

Steve shoves his elbow back with as much force as he can muster and it all goes red before he even hears his chuckle.

“Strike out again, Harrington? I made it just in time then, huh sweetheart,” Eddie coos in a tone dripping with condescension.

He’s on his feet and shoving at Eddie’s chest with enough force he knows it’ll bruise, sees it knock the wind out of him a bit. Gets right up in his face and would do anything to rip that self-satisfied smirk right off of it.

“You miserable fucking prick,” he spits, uncaring of the way Eddie flinches back the tiniest bit. “I was not striking out, and I never am! And yet here you come acting like you’re saving some damsel in distress when it’s you crawling back to me. Every. Single. Time,” he punctuates with jabs to his chest. 

Eddie’s smile doesn’t leave as he huffs a laugh. His tongue swipes across sharp, sharp teeth and he leers at Steve with narrowed eyes. Predatory in a way Steve liked once upon a time but now makes him want to punch out his teeth. He’s got his hands in his pockets and he looks entirely too comfortable with the fact that he just ruined Steve’s night. Again.

“God, sweetheart. You’re so wound up,” he whispers, face pinching up in faux concern. He brings his hands up to smooth down Steve’s biceps and digs his fingers in tight enough that he doesn’t budge with Steve’s attempts at shaking him off. “Tell me. When was the last time someone fucked you good enough that you remembered his name the next morning, now be honest.” He leans in close and that smirk is back and Steve hates it. “You can say it was me, honey. It’ll be our little secret.” 

And Steve’s seeing red again because he’s right. 

It was him. It’s always him and probably always will be. 

He gets back up in his space once more and makes sure he’s looking at his eyes when he whispers a sharp “Fuck. You.”

And it's only for a split second but he swears he sees hurt flash through brown eyes. Gone in an instant and replaced with a real, raw indifference that Steve thinks might be worse. 

He feels a hand at the back of his neck and Eddie’s lips brush his ear. 

“Yours or mine?”

And it was always going to go like this. Steve’s not under any illusions. Knew this time wouldn’t be different. But it still stings the way that he knows in an alternate universe that question might’ve been accompanied with giggles and a kiss. 

But then he remembers the way that Eddie looked so proud when Steve first said he hated him and the rage is back ten-fold.

He turns on his heel and knows he’s being followed.

“Yours. Don’t want you in my fucking house.”

*****

Steve’s got Eddie’s wrists pinned to the wall above his head and his teeth raking down his neck. Wants to leave a mark. A memory. 

He hears Eddie gasp as Steve’s hips shove hard against his own and he shoves harder in retaliation.

“Remember when you used to kiss me?” Steve asks, Eddie’s breath against his face enough to pull some bricks from the walls he’s spent months building.

He feels more than hears Eddie’s hum. Feels his knee come up to shove him backwards until he’s the one pressed against the wall, face turned sideways and arms pinned behind his back.

“Yeah sweetheart.” He leans in to bite at Steve’s ear and make him hiss.

Steve’s grinning, ugly and mean when he grits out “Worst decision of my fucking life.”

But now Eddie’s the one smirking, he can hear it when he speaks. “Mine too. Liked my life a lot better when I didn’t know what you taste like.”

Steve aims for the shin when he bucks a foot backwards, nails it if Eddie’s grunt is anything to go by. He spins around and shoves at Eddie hard enough to send them both to the floor, grateful for a second the fact that his muscle mass makes it easy to manhandle his way into what he wants. 

He laughs, loud and fake. “Now see, that I just don’t believe, Eddie.” He’s got his eyebrows raised high and pout on his lips and he knows what’s coming and he relaxes into it.

And yeah maybe Steve’s strong, but Eddie knows him. Knows when his guard is down. He gets his knees up around Steve’s hips and flips them over, Steve’s back against the ground and there’s the fury Steve’s been after. Been trying to bring it out all night.

Eddie’s got a ringed hand pressed tight against Steve’s throat when he finally lets himself feel. Feel good the way only Eddie can make him. Lets the fight drain out of him as his vision goes spotty. Eddie’s spitting words in his face, “Do you ever shut the fuck up?” and saliva into his mouth and it’s so bad-good.

His next breath is heaving as he comes back down and Eddie’s already standing and walking away. 

“Get up. I don’t have all night.”

And now that he’s got Eddie mad, got him fired up, he knows he can let himself go. Lets himself fall even though he knows Eddie’s not going to catch him. Thinks it's worth it until it's not. Until tomorrow when he remembers the way he and Eddie won’t look at each other when their friends are around. They way they don’t talk.

Because this is how it's always going to go. He’s going to let Eddie rile him up, make his sharp, heavy butterflies flutter out in words he thinks he doesn’t really mean. He’s going to push and push and push until Eddie breaks. And even though he started it, Eddie always will. Break, that is. He’ll break out of his self-assured, indifferent asshole persona and he’ll turn into something real and mean. Someone that hates Steve back. 

Steve thinks it shouldn’t feel as good as it does.

There’s nothing gentle about the way Eddie stretches him open. The way he smacks the inside of Steve’s thigh hard enough it leaves a welt the shape of his hand. 

He’s got two fingers inside him and Steve feels so good and he can’t help but talk. Head thrown back, words fall from his lips between desperate moans. 

“Hate you so fucking much.”

A smack to his ass and a dejected huff. 

“Yeah. I know you do sweetheart."

Steve groans in annoyance but his back arches all the same.

“Hate it when you call me that.”

And he’s not looking but he knows Eddie is rolling his eyes. 

“I know you do, baby.”

And there’s tears pricking at the back of his eyes because sure he really does hate this man. Really does think he’d have been better off never meeting him. But all he can hear when Eddie calls him “baby” is the way he used to say it through laughter against his skin.

He knows he’s pouting but he thinks he deserves it with the bitter memories he’s fighting away. “Hate that even worse.”

Eddie pulls his fingers out and crawls up his body to squeeze at his cheeks until he fishmouths.

“I know. Now shut up and stop crying. You wanted me mean and you’ve fucking got it baby.”

Steve gasps high in his throat when Eddie grabs him by his hips and flips him onto his belly and something about this flavor of anger Eddie’s wearing sets Steve off again. But this time his anger isn’t a facade. It's raw and real and it's hurt that got brushed aside and became something else entirely.

“Hate what we could’ve been. Hate that I hate you.” He says into a pillow.

He hears Eddie groan and not in a good way. In the way he does when he’s annoyed. He feels his weight lay over his back and his hand on the inside of his thigh yanking upward and open.

“Well I hate that you don’t know when to stop talking." He grits out and the pressure as he presses inside Steve is enough to make him white out.

By the time he builds up a bruising rhythm, punching Steve’s breath out of him on every thrust, he’s talking again.

“Could’ve given you everything you wanted sweetheart,” and his tone is so patronizing, “But it just wasn’t fucking enough was it?”

And Steve’s barely holding on to his consciousness through the pressure deep in his guts and the hand pressing the back of his neck down, down, down. But he’s still got enough wherewithal that that strikes a chord.

Because no, having Eddie behind closed doors wasn’t enough. And Eddie knows that. He knows how that hurt him and chooses to use it against him anyway.

His voice is muffled into the pillow and broken up by whimpers and whines but he speaks anyway.

“Well it wasn’t my– shit, so good. Wasn’t my pride that got in the way.”

Eddie’s hips slow to a deep grind and freeze pressed to the hilt.

The hand at the back of Steve’s neck slides to the front and yanks him up on his knees, pressed against Eddie’s chest.

His chest is heaving where its plastered to Steve’s back and his voice rumbles through them both.

“Maybe not. But it was you that kept your mouth shut and made it my fault.”

Steve goes to argue but gets cut off by the sharp stinging of teeth breaking the skin against his shoulder blade. His breath goes ragged on a shriek and his vision whites out around the edges. Eddie’s shoving him back down, ass-up and face smushed sideways. His hand slips up and pries his mouth wide open and shoves in hard, stopping anything he could possibly say. Steve’s eyes are wide where he’s staring, gone glassy and wet.

“And it looks like now you don’t know how to do that, do you baby?” He asks.

And he’s got his fingers down his throat and his dick shoved deep.

There’s blood dripping from his teeth in that sharp, bitter smile. And he’s so pretty. And Steve hates him.

He chokes around his fingers on a sob as Eddie picks up his pace again.

Hates that it feels so good.

Hates that he comes back for this.

Hates that Eddie’s right.

Because maybe he can’t pinpoint when or where things went south, but he knows it has everything to do with the way he started needing more and not asking for it. Knows Eddie was letting him figure it out on his own. And instead of just going for it, he knows he started blaming.

So maybe he does hate Eddie. Hates him for the way he didn’t push him when he knew he needed it. Hates that he still uses him like this. 

But he really hates himself. Because he could’ve had what he wanted but he didn’t take it.

(Hates that tomorrow he’ll forget this all again, too far in his head and in the feeling of Eddie taking what he wouldn’t give. He’ll forget it all and go back to hating him again.)

A sharp smack to the outside of his thigh brings him barreling back down into reality and it's Eddie’s words that send him hurdling into release.

“Here you fucking go again with the crying. God I hate that you’re so fucking pretty.”

Steve hates that that’s what does it for him. Hates that his crying is what does it for Eddie. Hates the way he’s filled up and will have to go home messy, the way Eddie pulls out of him and throws him his clothes.

He hears the flick of a lighter and Eddie’s heavy inhale from far away.

“I assume you can show yourself out.”

As Steve pulls his shirt over his head and wipes the tear tracks from his face he thinks “Yeah. This is why I hate him.”

And from the other side of the room Eddie thinks that if Steve would say half of the things that run through his mind with Eddie inside him, maybe they wouldn’t hate each other at all.

[salmonskinrolltf]

Update & Marvel Frat Boy Story Commission

Hey everyone! So I've been incredibly busy, which is why I haven't been so active on here lately. I've been writing a book 👀 Not a TF book, but if this goes well then something like that could be next! However, that has prevented me from writing much TF stuff even though I have a lot of fun ideas. In the meantime, I commissioned @writer-ofstuff to write a sequel to this story about Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man being exposed to a gas that turns them into frat bros. I've attached that story below, so I hope you enjoy!

Bucky is worried about Steve. It wasn't like his friend to not answer his messages this long. He knew Steve had some sort of meeting at Stark Tower. He told Bucky as much in his last message to him. Followed up with him saying he'd see Bucky later. That was almost four days ago, and Bucky has had radio silence from Steve since.

Bucky at first thought the Avengers had been summoned for some kind of mission. However he had checked with Sam, and Sam hadn't heard of anything either. This is what prompted Bucky to go to Stark Tower himself to see if he can figure out where Steve is.

He was a little apprehensive since he and Tony don't have a good relationship. Given what Bucky had done to Tony's parents when he was brainwashed, it was understandable for Tony not to want to be around Bucky.

Bucky takes a deep breath and enters through the front doors of Stark Tower. Reaching the elevator he startles when he hears this strange swoosh noise coming a few feet behind him. A man steps through the portal that had appeared there. The man is wearing unique attire with a red cape that Bucky swears moves on its own as if it waved at him. But surely that was just the uptick of wind from the portal as it closed behind the man.

"Are you here for someone as well?" The man asks.

"I'm looking for my friend. Steve Rogers." Bucky answers.

"Ah, Captain America's friend. The Winter Soldier, correct?" the man then asks.

Bucky recoils a little at the name, a few flashes of the awful things he had done under that name. But he is quick to compose himself.

"Bucky is fine." He tells the guy.

"Dr. Stephen Strange." The guy introduces.

'Oh so this is the sorcerer guy Steve talked about.' Bucky thinks to himself.

That should have been an easy guess given the guy's flashy entrance. 

"So why are you here?" Bucky asks.

"Stark was supposed to contact me the other day needing my assistance with something." Dr. Strange continues."But I was dealing with a prior engagement and couldn't answer his call. After a few days of nothing I decided to check in and see what he needed myself."

Bucky makes a noise of acknowledgement in reply, since he isn't sure what to say to that. It does make him question if something had happened to them then, since Tony had contacted Dr. Strange around the time Steve had come here. The elevator doors open and Bucky goes to step inside. But Dr. Strange stops him before he can. 

"No need for that. I have a faster way to get to the top,” He says. 

Dr. Strange opens another portal, the orange circle showing the upper floor of Stark Tower in its center.

"Why didn't you teleport yourself there first instead of the main lobby?" Bucky can't help but ask.

He and Dr. Strange step through the portal to the upper floor of Stark Tower. Before Dr. Strange can explain his reasoning, both men pause at the mess they find on the top floor of the tower.

"Jeez it looks like someone threw a party up here." Dr. Strange says.

It’s true, the place was a mess with cans of soda, beer, and pizza boxes. Not to mention work out equipment was also strung around the room, as well as some dirty clothing.

"I haven't seen a room this messy since I had to visit the frat house at my college." Dr. Strange notes.

"I wonder who made this mess, and where Steve and the others are." Bucky says.

It’s perplexing since Steve wasn't the type to make such a mess. He doesn't know Tony well, but he assumes that Tony wouldn't want his place this junked up. Thor, from what Bucky had been told, would seem to be the one to make such a mess like this. But the question is, did he do this or was it someone else's handiwork?

It is baffling to say the least, and it leaves Bucky still confused as to where Steve is. He is lost in his thoughts as he surveys the room, seeing if he can't find any sort of clues. He pauses when he sees something emitting from one of the air vents. 

It looks like a plume of gas? But it is this sorta vibrant almost neon color which he has never seen. He does know of course that it could be dangerous, and he is already moving toward the door, shouting for Dr. Strange that they need to get out of there.

However more of the gas somehow makes its way to the entrance and blocks it, leaving the two man trapped in the room with the unknown gas.

"I got this,” Dr. Strange says with confidence. 

He moves his hands, doing a few characters with them as two portals then open up in front of and behind him and Bucky. A wind current sucks the gas into the portals and moments later, the gas is cleared from the room before it could reach either man. 

“Impressive, huh bro?" Dr. Strange says as he looks at Bucky.

"Did you just call me bro?" Bucky asks. 

He doesn't know Strange, but he seemed the type of man not to have the word “bro” in his vocabulary. Dr. Strange looks just as confused as Bucky.

"Yeah, I don't know why though." He mutters.

"No big deal my dude." Bucky blurts without thinking. 

He pauses when he hears what he just said. Dr. Strange gives him a similar look. 

"Bro, what's up with how we're talkin’ man?" Bucky says. 

“Somethin' ain't right here dude." Dr. Strange says. 

He looks angry over how he’s talking. It’s clear that neither man can control how they speak. 

"Ugh. This is infiera.. infirea… this is fucking dumb!" Dr. Strange settles on saying. It becomes clear he couldn't pronounce the word he wanted to say.

Bucky agrees, it must have been that weird gas they got rid of. That was the only explanation on what could make them talk like a pair of douchebag dude bros. 

Bucky wants to suggest they get out of here, but his head starts to ache. He feels himself sway on his feet. He doesn't understand why he’s feeling so airheaded. It is so hard to focus his thoughts on what to do exactly in this situation. 

Bucky is so caught up with his thoughts he doesn't notice the way his body is steadily altering underneath his clothing. His muscles are losing some bulk to them, to become a lot more defined, showing a body he has gained through workouts rather than intense training. 

The scars from various fights slowly fade to unblemished skin. The most drastic change he undergoes, which makes him take notice, is his arm. The vibranium arm slowly attaches more to Bucky's torso. The metal softens while it gradually turns into a real arm. Bucky looks at his now real arm, clenching and unclenching his fist, staring at it in astonishment.

"Bro, my arm." He says softly.

"Uhh yeah man, that's your arm. Now can we focus here?" Dr. Strange snaps.

"Huh? Focus on what?" Bucky asks, a little dumbfounded about what his friend means.

Stephen opens and closes his mouth, a frown forming on his face. 

"I don't remember,” he says.

That makes both men erupt in laughter. Bucky points out the outfit his friend is wearing.

"Dude, a bit earlier for Halloween yeah?" He asks.

"I don't know what this getup even is man,” Stephen admits.

He strips out of his clothing, getting down to just his briefs. Now that he is mostly naked, it’s easy to see how his body too has gained some muscle on it, as well as a decent amount of body hair spread along his upper torso. Stephen runs his hand over his chest absent-mindedly. 

The gray hairs in his hair and goatee regain his natural hair color. His mature face smooths away any wrinkles the Sorcerer Supreme had, giving him a more youthful look of a man in his twenties. Stephen's goatee starts to shave down, a heavy five o'clock shadow spreading along his jaw and his cheeks, while Stephen's hair shrinks back into his scalp a good bit, leaving the former Sorcerer Supreme with a buzz style haircut. 

Bucky watches Stephen's changes with a strange fascination. He wants to speak up and warn his bro what was going on, yet all he can do is watch the transformation unfold. Being distracted like he is by Stephen, Bucky fails to notice how his own changes are progressing. 

He shrinks a few inches in height, his own torso itching as bristles of dark colored hair sprout along his formerly clean shaven torso. The pelt of body hair is much thicker than Stephen's. Bucky's scruff also grows denser until he sports a well trimmed beard. His face then smooths over any wrinkles and signs of aging to give him a more youthful look. Bucky now looks like a man in his twenties, just like Stephen. 

The two men crack lopsided smiles at each other while their minds quickly alter, Stephen forgetting his training and everything he accomplished as a top surgeon as well as the Sorcerer Supreme. Bucky forgets his past trauma from being tortured and used as a killing machine. The two young men have a fresh start as their new selves as the gas's effects dwindle down to completion. 

"Bro, where do you think Steve and the others are?" Bucky asks.

"Miss your boyfriend already?" Stephen teases.

Bucky gives him a playful shove, the two rough housing as the doors open and their bros came waltzing in.

"There you two are."

"Was wondering where you two slowpokes had gone off too."

"Yeah bros, you missed a hell of a party!” Steve was the last to say, coming up to stand beside his bro Bucky. Stephen meanwhile joins Thor and Tony. The three talk about the next game while Steve and Bucky do their own thing.

None of the frat brothers notice the computer in the back of the room, the screen being covered up in discarded clothing that hid the blinking incoming message icon.

[childlikegoblinqueen]

Hey, got a question. how did you get others (Both writers and readers) into Sweet Child O' Mine? How was the writing process for you in the beginning? Did you ever get nervous about your story not being enough and did seeing other writers complete things for their stories and post update news about theirs ever make you nervous or guilty? Any advice to get over that or say screw it and write? Asking writer to writer.

Ah!

The short version?

Screw it and write!

The long version?

So, as far as how I got others into it? I guess that was luck -- though I DID get excited when I saw some of my favorite fan artists open commissions and put aside some money to have a few scenes drawn out -- not to mention the really cool cover art from @lovemoroporo.

The idea that you can actually (as a fan fiction writer) I could actually CONNECT with artists who drew me MORE into the fandom and commission them to work with some of my silly headcanons was really cool, and felt like a fun way to give back -- and I am sure that attracted some attention too? But also, I just kept at it.

The process has been interesting. The first fic I wrote in the TOH fandom was Stranger Tides, and it was my NaNoWriMo project in 2022. I wrote fan fiction A LONG time ago, and picked it up again as a way to deal with intense grief. I planned on dropping that one and disappearing into a puff of smoke, but Sweet Child just sort of GRABBED me by the heart, and here we are.

I just got this vision in my mind of Hunter and Willow in the early weeks of their first child's life and thought it would make a sweet one shot, but then the story led me elsewhere, and I followed it I guess? I had an idea of where it was going, key scenes and plot points, but some of the other stuff I sort of discovered as I was writing, if that makes sense? I hate the term "pantser" I like "discovery writer" :D.

Anyway, it was really exiting not only writing the story and watching everything click into place, but also meeting readers and commenters as it gained momentum.

I ABSOLUTELY get and got nervous watching other writers complete their work. SCOM is a monstrosity. Not a lot of people have patience for a 500K + fan fiction -- but I couldn't abandon it and I couldn't force it to end before it was ready, so I just bit my lip and kept writing. I feel guilty every time I extended my chapter count, or had to split a chapter because it worked best to end on a particular note -- but I am still happy I did it.

I was also nervous that the weirdness (the bard battles and the media stuff) was just going to be TOO much for some readers from this fandom. I get and got nervous that some of the messy relationships or nuances of character interactions wouldn't transfer well -- like Hunter's initial relationship with Steve was avoidance because of mutual misunderstandings, and the complicated nature of Hunter and Darius' past.

I am super happy that a lot of readers trusted that I had a reason for those things.

I also added a lot of my own experiences (my pregnancy was ROUGH. A lot of the non-magical things that happen to Willow happened in real life to me) I wasn't sure if that would be something people would want to read. That made me nervous too.

I guess my only REAL advice would be, just write the story you want to write. It's really hard if things are taking longer than you want or expected, but I honestly think its worth it! Have fun with it.

EDIT: I should also add that in the beginning, I wrote ONE CHAPTER A DAY. I was in a deep grief zone and barely slept. I feel bad that I am down to one chapter a week now, but I am committed to getting to the end of this story.

So yeah. TLDR; Screw it and Write.

I hope that answers your question? This was a fun ask!

[somebodytookmyusername]

sweet sixteenth - e.m. & s.h.

a/n: this is self indulgent angst, and idk if 16 roses are a thing since im not from the US, so pardon me if i make a mistake.

content: pre-season 4 eddie, pre-season 1 steve, angst, hurt, 16th birthday, cussing, yelling, minor!reader, minor!eddie, minor!steve,

summary: three months after you and eddie broke up, he shows up at your 16th birthday unannounced.

its been three months since eddie munson cheated on you for a dumb bimbo, again, you were used to it by now, your relationship has been on and off for months. you got out of the relationship maturely, or atleast that's what you tell everyone when they asked since you couldn't bear to tell them about the messy fight that resulted to your break up.

He was mad, you couldn't even remember why. your mouth had the tendency to say things you don't mean in a middle of a fight, it was dumb, you probably struck a nerve. maybe you mentioned something about him being like his dad, maybe that was it, that's why he threw a vase on the floor and just skipped.

After that you never talked to each other, not that he tried to reach out, you were pretty sure he hates you as much as you hated him, but what was the point, you knew it was the end of you both, you weren't good for each other, sure there were times when the days are going great, you both love each other so much you just want to crawl inside each other's skin but the bad days overwhelmed the good ones.

Those days when he won't talk to you because he was upset about something that doesn't even involve you, the days when both of you had enough and just scream at each other, those days when he'll just vanish for a few days, you never knew where he's been. the days when you're struggling and he's nowhere to he found, you were there on his bad days, you can recognize his irritation from a mile away, yet when it comes to you, he wouldn't even know a dog was after him until he gets bitten.

the first month was hard, everything stung, hell even basketball that he has never seen hurts you. you pushed through, or atleast you tried to, but three months later everything still hurts, it was great when you were distracted, so put up as many distractions as you can. not until your 16th birthday though.

you were having fun, there were many people, you didn't think the party was even possible, so you thanked everyone who helped you. there was a little gimmick your friends did for you.

sixteen roses

you'll have sixteen guys waltzing you on the dancefloor after they hand you rose, you don't know who these guys are but it has gotten you curious.

14 down and it was some of the famous seniors you were pretty sure your friends hooked up with. and the 15th one was very mysterious, he was standing out of your line of sight because the lights were blocking your view of the mysterious man.

you felt the dread crawl up your skin, as he walked towards you, until he's infront of you, and boy were you wrong, it was Steve Harrington, the cute junior who had liked you long before. you breathe a sigh of relief and danced with him as both of you laughed at his corny jokes, you didn't want to let him go but the dance was coming to an end.

he placed a soft kiss on your cheek and waved goodbye as he left the dancefloor, your smile was unwavering, not until you saw the man who'll give you your last waltz. your blood ran cold, your smile fell from your lips and you went rigid as he walked to you wearing a suit, a rose on his teeth.

"no," you managed to breathe out and unconsciously stepped back, his face bore the hurt you dreaded to see, as soon as you were on his arms, and you sucked in a breath, you can't smell him, you shouldn't remember the good times, yet here he is.

"im sorry, princess," he whispered and held you close, his big and warm hands settled on your waist as the piano started its melodic tune, far from everyone, they couldn't see how uncomfortable you were. your face scrunched underneath your hair as you avoided his eyes, you knew he was staring at you, or atleast your hair. you were sure he was frustrated, the way he breathes gave it away.

you recognized the slowing end of the piano and you immediately looked up, a dejected eddie was looking at you with a plea in his eyes.

"take me back, I'll be good, please." he begged but you couldn't do it again, you couldn't risk your heart again.

"I can't, im sorry," as if on cue, the music ended and you headed straight to your chair and plastered a fake smile, something you'd probably wear the whole night, you glared at your friends signaling them that they did this shit so wrong, they're dead afterwards.

the whole night, you can feel two people stare at you. Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson, you caught them a few times that night, steve looked away all the time while Eddie held the eye contact. they were so different yet so in-sync. after the party, you decided to head to a spare room to breathe and you didn't notice eddie was also following you, as you covered your face with your hand, you heard the door click shut. you faced the door and saw him, you backed away quickly.

"what are you still doing here?" you asked in a hurried tone, hoping someone will notice that you were gone and try to find you. hoping someone will save you from another confrontation.

"please, sweetheart. let's talk" he calmly asked and sat on the edge of the bed, giving you the space you needed.

"I don't want to talk, eddie, we're done. that's it." you stood up and walked to the door, you can't be mad anymore. you can't have another repeat of that night.

"please, im sorry."

you looked back at him, you can't understand how such two words could make your blood boil. he said sorry a million times and he never changed, he never cared, he never meant it.

'you're sorry? you're fucking sorry? YOU'RE ALWAYS SORRY, EDDIE YOU'RE ALWAYS FUCKING SORRY, DID YOU EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF THAT WORD? I HAVE HEARD THE SAME IM SORRY I'LL CHANGE TOO MANY FUCKING TIMES ALREADY. NEWS FLASH, IT GETS OLD! IT MEANS NOTHING TO ME NOW. I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE AND NEVER WILL AGAIN: your tears started to fall, mascara dripping and probably making a mess on your face but you couldn't care less. you wanted to scream at him, and that's what's he's getting.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO HEAR FROM ME? ALL I CAN SAY IS IM SORRY Y/N, I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE. I KNEW I FUCKED UP. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

"what the fuck do I want with you? WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT WITH YOU? EDDIE, YOU BARGED INTO MY BIRTHDAY UNANNOUNCED, YOU SHOW UP THREE MONTHS LATER SAYING YOU'LL CHANGE. KNEW FOR A FACT THAT YOU NEVER DID. YOU'RE A LIAR AND A CHEAT. THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE YOU WON'T AMOUNT TO ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT." you screamed at him and slammed the dooron his face.

yeah, you're definitely killing your friends for including him on the list.

[msmarvelwrites]

For Old Times' Sake

Summary: “Years you had craved to hear your name spoken from his lips. Countless nights, forcing yourself to remember how it fell from his tongue,”

Pairing: TFATWS Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Explicit sexual content, Vaginal penetration, fingering, Choking, Bucky with the filthy words, mutual pining.

Word Count: 2.8K

Authors Note: WOW! It has literally been a hot minute hasn't it? I cant say that I’m not a little excited about this 3rd lock-down in Ontario because it means I can actually find time to write. I’m sorry it’s been so long, babes. Anyways, enjoy! (I’m actually the worst and it’s been so long since I’ve done this!) The Biggest Thank You to @sweeterthanthis for literally cheering me on the entire time. This was such garbage before you came along 😂 I had so much fun with this one babe 💕 thank you for all you do ✨

The wind whipped against your face, bruising your skin with it’s callousness. Though the unwelcomed lash was nothing compared to what was to come. Or who, for that matter. 

It had been longer than you cared to admit. The dodged calls hanging at the bottom of the icon on your phone serving as a cruel reminder of how cold you had been. Of course, it was never in your job description to take care of Bucky after Steve left— but there was an implication that made you run for the hills. 

You couldn't do anything for him - give him anything. The last five years had consisted of running and trying to start over. 

Besides, after the Accords, in the government's eyes you were just as fucked as Hydra. An ally turned fugitive the moment you’d chosen your side in that airport. You’d fight with yourself most nights that you decided with your head, but your first evening with a man who had bruised your lips with promises of what would come may have had more pull than anything else. 

The same man that had called you every week for the past six months… The same man you had spent countless nights with, years of your life you would never be able to scrub away, no matter how hard you tried. 

You had watched from afar as half of the world returned, their loved ones welcoming them home with teary eyes and broken hearts. You watched as he came home. His eyes, always scanning the crowds waiting for you. Waiting to see your face. 

It made all of this so, so much worse. This was definitely not the homecoming you could have hoped for. 

“We’re nearing the drop.” Your comm’s rang with a woman's voice who had helped smuggle you onto the craft. You weren’t exactly welcome in europe at the moment- or anywhere for that matter. The government did not take lightly to your’s and Sharon’s betrayal. You’d think that after everything the world had seen they would be a little more forgiving, but you couldn't exactly blame them for their trust issues either. 

You could, however, blame yourself. 

As soon as your feet hit the ground you were off. The distress call had come from Sam earlier that evening and now with the sun setting you could only hope you weren't too late. You tried to push the man who had haunted your thoughts for the past few years out of your head, desperate to focus on the task at hand. 

Bullets exploded through the air, a warning as you were approaching the large shipping container unit. Your comms went static as they began to connect with Sam’s, his voice ringing through your ears as—

“Sam, a little help here!” 

His voice stopped you dead in your tracks. 

“I’m on my way - called in some back up.” Sam grunted as the sound of strangled yelps echoed around you. 

“Back up? Who do we know that-” Bucky’s words were cut short as he let out a growl, the sound of his vibranium arm whirling in the background. 

You rushed in without a second thought, the sound of his pain too raw as it ripped through your chest. Before you could assess the danger, you charged forward, hurling yourself at a large man pointing his gun right at- 

With a loud thud, the man hit the ground. Your combat boot, heavy on his throat until he went still, and with it came silence. It was deafening despite the explosive gunfire around you. 

“Y/n?” 

Your name ripped through the air, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze. Back turned and body rigid, you were frozen in place. Years you had craved to hear your name spoken from his lips. Countless nights, forcing yourself to remember how it fell from his tongue, soft and get so personal. Like no one had spoken it before. 

“Y/n, what are you-”

Sam's voice cut the newly cropped brunettes words off,  “I got two coming in on your left, Buck. Oh- and welcome back, Y/L/N.” 

You smiled sheepishly at Bucky, pulling your gun from its holster and flicking the safety off as you closed your distance with him. Despite the aggravation apparent on his face, a broken smile seemed to be pulling at the corners of his lips. 

“Here we go again, huh?”  You chimed, your eyes locking with his just as all hell broke loose. 

The trip back to Sam and Bucky’s base was one filled with uncomfortable silence, and a tension that had your blood running cold. 

Once the adrenaline of the fight had worn off and you were left face to face with Bucky Barnes, the guilt began to creep in. 

“So…” Sam started from the backseat of the beat-up truck, the suddenness of his words startling both you and Bucky for a moment. “Long time no see.” 

The scoff that left Bucky’s lips wasn't as subtle as you imagined he meant it to be. You tried not to let it bother you; in fact, you had prepared for this. How he might react when you finally returned home. What you weren't prepared for, however, was how indescribably gutted you would feel to watch him - eyes trained to the road ahead - as he gritted his teeth at your proximity. 

To say that yours and Bucky’s relationship before the snap was easy would be incredibly delusional. It was messy and at it’s best dysfunctional. But for whatever reason, the two of you looked beyond that. He saw through you like no one ever had and before you knew it, the two of you were glued at the hip. It didn't make sense, but no questions were ever asked. 

You just fit. 

And of course there was the sex. Good god, you could feel your thighs clenching at the thought. 

The way’s Bucky knew how to take you apart, with an accuracy that only he had. How he had your toes curling and body vibrating from the flick of his tongue. How he would have you screaming the most filthy things for him, all while begging to never ever—

“Y/n?” 

Sam’s voice was like an ice bath. Your name yanking you back into the present and the question at hand. What was the question again? You couldn't think straight. Not when Bucky was staring at you the way he was, one brow cocked and that same familiar smirk plastered on his lips. If you didn't know any better, you’d think he could read your thoughts. 

“Sorry- I… I was…” You couldn't seem to bring yourself back to this realm, too lost in the Super Soldier’s stormy eyes to remember what exactly you were trying to say. 

“He asked you where you’ve been, Y/n.” Bucky spoke your name like it was a curse, laced with razor sharp ache and pain. His eyes told a different story though. The way he looked at you; the same way he always did. 

With a warmth that only he had for you. It made you shiver. 

“Running, mostly.” You started, your body physically breaking your gaze with Bucky. It was too much, watching him glare down at you. And maybe you deserved it. 

“And you never thought to, I don't know, call me?” Bucky’s words were spiteful, oozing with a disdain that was beginning to wear down your patience. 

“It wasn't like that, Buck-”

“You can’t call me that anymore.” He snapped, his eyes trained on the road. Your gaze snapped to him, brow arched as you all but scoffed at him. 

“Oh, I can't?” You chuckled, but the sound came out flat. He had every right to ask you where you've been. Hell, get angry if he wanted. But the way his words seeped with disgust made your blood boil. 

“Okay, okay guys. Let’s all take a breath and just—”

“Shut up, Sam.” You both snarled, causing Sam to roll his eyes as Bucky pulled into a long winding driveway with a small log cabin sat at the end of it. You reached for your seatbelt until your door swung open. 

“You two figure your shit out. Whatever this is,” Sam motioned to the space between you two, “ isn’t leaving this car. I’ll be inside. Feel free to come in when y'all have killed and made up, okay?” With that, Sam slammed the door leaving Bucky and you alone in your static tension.

Bucky worried on his lip, his eyes trained to his lap. You opened your mouth to speak, but your words seemed caught in your throat. 

“You didn't even call…” 

It was so quiet, you almost didn't hear it. But you did… 

Voice small and so filled with ache; it kicked you in the stomach, the guilt washing away any anger you had felt. 

“Bucky… I- I couldn't.” You forced out, tentative as you met his gaze, stomach dropping as your eyes locked with his. 

“I thought I lost you. I thought - I mean, fuck - you were all I cared about.” He sighed, clearing his throat as if it would help ease his discomfort. “I looked for you, ya know?” He chuckled, but there was no warmth behind it. Just a brokenness that made you squirm. 

“It’s not your fault—”

“Oh, I know it’s not.” Bucky quipped, his eyes flicking away from yours and turning back to face the cabin. “It was your own selfish decision.” 

You scoffed, head snapping back to meet his glare. “Selfish? Bucky, I had no other choice. Not everyone can be pardoned for their crimes. It’s not like I had Steve Rogers advocating for my freedom!” 

Bucky only rolled his eyes, hands gripping the steering wheel so tight, you swore he might rip it clean off the car.  “Don’t bring him into this. You don't think that I would have done everything to get to you? To clear your name?”

You laughed bitterly, blinking away the tears that welled at the corners of your eyes. 

“You gotta at least give me more credit than that, Doll.” The pet name rolled off this tongue easily, washing over you, and making you freeze. 

“Please don’t call me that…” You faltered, wiping away a stray tear that rolled down your cheek. 

It seemed the tension dissipated in that moment, silence heavy between you both as Bucky reached out, his flesh fingers finding a tear and brushing it away. You tried to speak, but with everything that had been said, and all that would never be, you decided words just weren’t enough. 

You didn't have time to object before his lips were on yours, your body moving at its own accord as he pulled you onto his lap, your thighs either side of him as his tongue swept across your bottom lip. You tried to moan, but his mouth swallowed the sound. He rendered you breathless, his taste intoxicating as you melted into his embrace, grinding into him and shivering when a familiar growl slipped from his lips; vibrating against your mouth. 

“Fuck, I missed you.” You moaned out, clutching his jacket as you licked down his neck. His skin was burning against your lips, the rumble of his breath heavy against your ear as he let out a dark chuckle, urging you on. 

“Well, if you had just called me—” 

Before he could finish the sentence, you reached for the recliner, snapping it forward as you toppled forwards onto Bucky’s chest. His words fell back into his throat, hands automatically finding your hips to steady you while you fumbled with his belt. 

“Doll—” He tried to start, but you swallowed the name with your kiss, heated and rooted in a desperate need to feel him again. You ached for him in a way you’d never felt before. 

Maybe what you had was unfixable. Maybe it was beyond repair, but with the way he was kissing you and hiking down your pants, it didn't matter. You were drunk on him, and by the way he bucked his hips, so was he. 

You shivered as his vibranium fingers looped into the waistband of your panties, pulling them down over your legs as you both awkwardly tried to move in the cramped seat. You wanted to laugh, but as his cold thumb swiped through your slick folds, all you could do was whine. 

“So wet for me…” He hummed, teeth sinking into your throat as he pulled a whimper from your lips. 

You cursed, hands propping you up on either side of him as he dipped his index finger into you, the intrusion enough to have your back arching into him, desperate for more. 

But Bucky was a tease. And even now, after all of this time, it was the very thing that had your buckling above him. Pleading and begging for more.

“Look at you.” He started, his eyes dark as he pushed deeper inside, his finger curing into you as you gasped. 

“P-please, Buck.” You begged, grinding down onto his hand. To your dismay he only chuckled, watching intently as you came undone around him. 

“I told you,” He started, lifting you off of him and tossing you against the backseats, “Don’t call me that.” 

You couldn't help the giggle that bubbled out of your throat as he awkwardly crawled towards you. But the look in his eyes had your stomach twisting into something that emulated fear. It was guttural as he pressed into you, the outline of his cock digging into your drenched folds.

You bit back a moan, eyes rolling back in your head as his cold fingers brushed against your core, pulling himself free from his boxers. 

“Do you still love me like you did?”  He spoke, and though the words were soft and filled with promises you had broken before, there was a darkness in his voice. 

“I never stopped.” You admitted. And it was true. But that didn't seem to be the answer he was looking for as he licked his bottom lip, eyes trained on your throat. 

“I’m afraid isn’t gonna’ feel much like love, doll.” He breathed out, lining himself up with your entrance. Before you could speak, he thrusted into you, knocking the air out of your chest as he bent you uncomfortably in half. You could only scream as he caged you in, forcing you down against the seats as he fucked into you. 

It’s not like you forgot how Bucky filled you, but his size was something you would never be able by to fully adjust to. Especially not now, when he was holding you steady, his hips snapping against you giving you no time to ease into the assault. And by the looks of the lopsided smirk plastered on his swollen lips, he knew exactly how shredded you felt. 

“Fuck, you take me so good, sweetheart.” The pet name doing nothing to quell the ache he sent ripping through your body as he sank deeper into you. You could only cry out, head smashing into the door as he kept up his brutal pace. 

“B-Bucky, please.” You weren't exactly sure what you were asking for, but at this rate you wouldn't last long, the familiar coil building in your abdomen as he nudged up against your cervix. 

“Slow down, baby.” You choked on a sob, eyes glassy as his vibranium fingers coiled around you thoat, pining you to the seats.  

“Did you miss this part, doll?” He whispered against your ear, a shiver ripping through your body and igniting a flame you had so desperately craved since the moment he vanished from your world. “Miss the way I ruin you, Hm? I can feel you, coming undone. You’re so close, aren’t you?” he teased, pressing his fingers deeper into your throat until you were coughing around the pressure. 

“All I need to do is-” His flesh thumb ran circles against your clit, your eyes rolling back into your skull as you croaked out his name, begging him to ease up. “There it is.” He chuckled, quickening his pace until you were a shivering mess beneath him. 

“Bucky, I-” 

“I’m going to ruin this cunt, sweetheart. Stay still, and let go for me” His voice was like gravel, only letting you breathe once you nodded your head in complicity, pulling your bottom lip into your mouth as the orgasm wrapped itself around your core. 

“Fuck.” You managed to scream, your head lulling back as a title-wave of ecstasy crashed over you, pulling you under.

“That’s my girl.” His words tipped you over the edge, his name on your lips like a prayer as you quivered, your body violently shaking. “God you're so tight when you- Shit!” 

With a few sloppy thrusts, Bucky came undone. His hot spend coating your pulsing walls as he gasped. Your bodies a tangled mess as he puffed out a breath against your neck. 

You both just stayed frozen, too afraid that the moment you pulled away, reality would sink in. And the truth was, you weren't exactly sure what that meant. 

Bucky slowly eased himself out of you, gasping a little as you spilled out onto, what you only hoped, would be easy to clean seats.

 “Doll, that was-” 

“Hey,” Sam knocked hard against the now foggy glass, “You two hungry, or what?” 

[wkemeup]

favorite fanfic trope: enemies to lovers but it's the moment when their tension is at its peak 😈

title: The Mess I Made - submitted by anon summary: you may not be on the best terms with Bucky Barnes, but it doesn't stop you from coming to his defense prompt: “Did anyone ever tell you how pathetic you are? It’s incredible how low my standards are for you.” / multiple requests for enemies to lovers word count: 1.5k a/n: enemies to lovers is already tough for me and to do it in drabble form is impossible for me because it requires a slow burn, but I did my best!!

You were on your way to the tower's gym when you heard Bucky’s voice echo from the end of the hall. Towel swung over your shoulder, headphones barely even grazed your ears as you paused, turning down the music. Bucky’s shadow danced over the walls as his run his hands through his hair. A woman’s shadow emerged next to him, her heels clicking against the tiles.

You rolled your eyes. Bucky’s latest string of conquests were an inconvenience at best. His pathetic attempt to rekindle whatever version of himself he idolized from the forties in the form of cheap, meaningless hookups was just another reason you made every effort to steer clear of Barnes. His seemingly indifference towards you made easy to do so.

Steve wouldn’t let it go – his questioning of why the two of you could never get along. It wasn’t that you hated Barnes. You didn’t know him well enough to hate him. You just didn’t care for what you saw. He was guarded and cold. Condescending and arrogant. Half the time, you barely believed Steve’s stories of Bucky’s charming days in the forties. The rare moments you caught his smile, it looked forced. It barely touched his eyes and he wore a mask to bring home women who spent their nights admiring an arm he would not allow them to touch.

The rare moments you thought you saw something genuine in him, he’d lashed out. The cracks in his foundation breaking through the surface in the screams at the night of dead of night, flinching at loud noises, the easy transition to taking orders and losing himself for the briefest of moments.

You’d made the mistake once of trying to comfort him. His eyes had glazed over in the middle of a conversation. There were dozens of agents around for the annual holiday party and Bucky was in another world entirely. His pupils were dilated, his hands shaking as he closed them to fists. You never learned what triggered it, but the moment you laid a gentle hand upon his forearm, Bucky had you in a chokehold.

It took both Sam and Tony’s strength to wield Bucky away from you, all while he was practically foaming at the mouth, screaming at you to never touch him again. He was rabid as Sam and Tony struggled to hold him back. The whole party stopped to watch the scene unfold – as Bucky hurtled countless insults at you.

He was drinking Thor’s liquor. He had to have been. Half of what he said that night barely made any sense. None it worth the audacity to lay a hand upon his arm to draw him back from wherever his mind had taken him. Perhaps, if you weren’t so thoroughly humiliated, you might have considered as much.

But what he said that night stayed with you and you never let it go.

“Why don’t you stay, sweetheart?” Bucky’s voice carried down the hall.

You tapped your foot impatiently at the elevators, desperate for an escape before he turned the corner. You noticed the woman’s heels were still clicking on the floors. She hadn’t stopped.

“Let me take you for breakfast, at least,” Bucky asked, a nervousness in his voice you didn’t recognize. He cleared his throat. “I was thinking we could—”

“I’m going to stop you right there.” The clicking ceased and you watched as the woman’s shadow placed a hand on Bucky’s chest, stilling him in an instant. “I thought you knew what this was.”

“I did. I do, but,” Bucky started, running a hand through his hair. You’d never seen him act this way before – so unsure of himself. The elevator doors open and closed as you watched his shadow sway on his heels. “I just... I want to try something different. Something... real and I thought, since we had a nice night together you might...”

“What?” the woman scoffed. “You thought I would want to date you?”

Bucky stiffened. Even his shadow appeared to mask into stone. Dread curdled in your stomach and you found yourself inching down the hall, approaching the shadows.

“Listen,” the woman crooned, “you were great last night and sleeping with the Winter Soldier is a hell of a story, but you’re not exactly... relationship material.”

You froze, stunned.

Bucky awkward cleared his throat. “I-I know, and I’m working on that. I just thought—”

“Oh my God, take the hint!” the woman exclaimed and you flinched in time with Bucky’s shadow against the wall. “Did anyone ever tell you how pathetic you are? Clearly all I wanted was a good lay. I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about this clingy shit with the Winter Soldier for Christ's sake. It’s incredible how low my standards were for you.”

“What the hell is your problem?”

You rounded the corner, tossing your workout gear aside as you came face to face with the woman. She was a beautiful as the rest of them were – tall, stunning, probably one of the models you’ve seen on runways or on magazines. But her eyes were unkind, and dismissive.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” she spat, shoving past your shoulder and heading to the elevator. You moved to block her when you felt the cold grasp of vibranium curl around your wrist, yanking you out of her path.

“Hey!” you yelped, watching as the woman made her escape into the elevator. You snatched your hand back, massaging at the tender muscle. “What the hell, Barnes?”

“I don’t need you coming to my rescue,” Bucky bit back. “I had it handled.”

You scoffed, the image of Bucky’s form flinching as she called him ‘pathetic’ still fresh in your mind. You’d never known him to back down from a fight. Hell, he’d gotten into a screaming match with a paparazzi for daring to ask how his morning jog went. Bucky didn’t roll over and play dead. But he let that woman wrap a hand around his throat until he choked.

“Sure looked handled,” you rolled your eyes. “She was walking all over you.”

“My sex life is not your concern,” he growled, his voice low as his eyes hooded.

“I never said a damn thing about your sex life, Barnes.” You shook your head, already regretting stepping in at all. It was pointless – foolish even – to think that he might be appreciative of your intervention, of the fact that despite the tense history between you, you would never stoop as low as that woman did.

You bent down and picked up the gym bag you’d let slip from your hands. “If you want to be treated like shit, then by all means, have fun with your next one night stand. I'll steer clear of the fallout.”

You started to head back towards the gym when you heard Bucky groan rather dramatically behind you. You paused, glancing over your shoulder as Bucky hit a fit against the wall.

“What is your—”

“You are so goddamn infuriating!” Bucky snapped and your jaw dropped.

“Are you serious right now? Me? I’m the infuriating one?” You released your bag, letting the weights hit the floor as you stalked back to him. “You’re the ungrateful jerk who just yelled at the one person who bothered to stand up for you!”

Bucky gritted his teeth. “I never asked you to do that!”

He was only inches away. His breath hot against your cheeks. You could see the dark blue specs in his eyes from this close. The blacks of his eyes nearly consuming him whole.

“Maybe that’s your problem, Barnes,” you sneered. “You think you need to ask for help, that it’s earned or deserved, but it’s not! Sometimes people just want to help you, you asshole! Sometimes, people can be good and can care about you without expecting that you—”

Your back hit the wall as Bucky’s weight pressed to your chest. His lips crashed against yours, his hand slipping into your hair. Everything in him moved with purpose, with adrenaline spiked into his veins and fury in his bones – but not his hands. Even as his lips hungrily devoured yours, his hands were gentle as they caressed the nape of you neck, as they slid down your hips.

What surprised you more – was that you kissed him back. Your hand clutched into the thin fabric of his t-shirt, your lips parting for him as he brushed him tongue over yours. It was the kind of kiss that left you feel dizzy – like you’d been under for too long, your lungs aching, and still you had no desire for air.

When he finally did draw back, it was only when he was breathless. His chest panting in time with yours, his forehead dipping to rest against your collarbone. He paused for a moment, even as his fingers gently pressed into the nape of your neck as if upon keys of a piano.

“I don’t know why I did that,” Bucky confessed.

You chuckled. “I do.”

He lifted his head and you smiled when you saw his lips were pink and swollen. You brushed a hand over his cheek.

“Because even when I hated you, I still cared about you, Barnes. It’s not black and white. It’s messy and it’s grey. But I can handle a little mess, can’t you?”

Bucky swallowed, slow to the smile that crept upon his lips, but still—it came. “Yeah, I can handle messy.”

When he kissed you again, he didn’t hesitate.

[applerubyy]

Ciao Adios

Summary: When you find your boyfriend cheating on you yo decide to expose him in the pettiest way you can think of.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (some Loki x Reader if you squint)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cheating and cursing (I think that’s it?)

A/N: Hi! So this is my first time writing and posting anything here so if its terrible please tell me nicely :). This is some AU where everyone lives and all is happy ok? Also english is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Anyway, if it turns out that some of you like it I think I’d be willing to do a part 2 if you like. Hope you enjoy it! <3. Btw, the gif is not mine so credit to whoever made it.

Crack. That’s the sound of your heart breaking, ripped to pieces in just a few seconds. And no, you were not exaggerating. Seeing your boyfriend kissing someone else while taking off their clothes would do that to a person. And in his office of all places.

How did you not see that coming? They had a lot in common and they did spend a lot of time together but you were just so naïve thinking that he was the most trust-worthy person ever that you looked the other way and believed him when he told you she was “just a friend”. 

Just a friend my ass you thought as you calmly walked to your room. No running, that would draw attention to you and you didn’t need that. No crying either, because once you started you wouldn’t be able to stop. Walking down the hallway and taking the elevator to your floor feels like it takes forever. 

Time is funny that way. It has that annoying tendency to slow down or speed up at the worst times. Like when you were in college and the clock seemed to literally stop, you would look at the time and it was 10:20 am and check again after what felt like half an hour for it to be 10:25 am. Or like when you are having fun with your friends at a club and you see it’s 12:30 but when you look again a few minutes later it’s 2:40. Right now it feels like the former, time seems to have slowed down. Maybe Dr. Strange did something to it? No, that’s stupid, he wouldn’t play with time that way.

Finally the elevator pings open and you rush to your room. Well, it’s not only your room anymore. You share it with him and everything is a reminder of what you just saw. The art supplies on the desk by the window, the famous shield leaning against the wall near the door, the messy bed where you sleep together every night …

And every single thing brings tears to your eyes until finally, the dam breaks and you let the tears fall down. You bring your hand to your mouth to muffle a sob that brings you to your knees. Crying is the only thing you can do right now because your brain is stuck on a loop. All you can see is Steve kissing her, unbuttoning her shirt with one hand while the other grabbed her ass. And all you can hear are their moans, Sharon’s whimper when he touched her and his groan as he did so. 

And now you are full on crying and choking on air because that scene keeps replaying itself over and over no matter how much you want it to stop. And you do, Gosh you do because there is so much your heart can take and this is too much. It shatters you in more ways than one. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about him, about her, about your relationship and about yourself.

You remember the first time you met him. You were already in college and looking for an internship. Luckily you happened to be the niece of the one and only Pepper Potts. And who wouldn’t want to work near Earth's mightiest heroes? You sure did. You were studying journalism and communications in New York and working with the Avengers was the ultimate dream, one that was about to come true.

Your first day was uneventful, it consisted mainly of coffee runs, delivering files and passing messages along. That was until your third coffee run where you ran straight into a wall, well actually it wasn’t a wall but it felt like it. The coffee spilled everywhere, on your clothes and his, and you were going to fall on your butt if it wasn’t for him grabbing your arms to steady you. Imagine your surprise when you looked up to see Captain America himself.

And that’s the moment your love story started. It seemed like something straight out of a romantic comedy and you loved it. It started with flirting, a date and then another, him asking you to be his girlfriend and finally asking you to move in once you graduated. It felt like a fairytale.

Tony wasn't very happy about you and the Capsicle but he saw how happy you were so he tried to be happy too. Tony was your uncle even if you didn’t share any blood. Growing up you would visit your aunty Pepper in New York and he was always around, you even stayed at his house when Pepper and him had to work. So, you two became really close even before he became Iron Man and started dating your aunt. 

The same thing happened with Rhody. Your close relationship with Tony meant you were close to him too, seeing as he was one of the most important people in his life. Rhody treated you like his niece and was the only one he didn’t make fun of which you took as the ultimate compliment. 

So those three you knew before you started working at the compound and before Steve. But once you started working there you met the rest of the Avengers. Being Pepper and Tony's niece and Steve's girlfriend meant they all wanted to get to know you. 

You met Bruce Banner, the Hulk, and you became really close. But that was thanks to his close relation with Tony and all the time you spent with him working on his social media presence to make sure people saw him as more than just the green monster who smashes things. After a while of working there they promoted you and now you manage the Avengers social media.

Nat and Wanda became your best friends from the moment you met. You just clicked and hung out as much as possible, being the only girls on the team meant they were really happy to have another female added to the mix. As for Vision, he liked you because Wanda did, simple as that.

Bucky and Sam were the funniest people ever, their constant bickering always brought a smile to your face and they welcomed you with open arms. Happy that their friend had finally found someone to be with.

Thor and Clint were like the fun uncles you got to see every once in a while. The God of Thunder was like an excited puppy and would hug you till you couldn’t breath every time he came to Earth and Clint would joke around with you and FaceTime you when he was with his kids because they loved you (“best babysitter ever” that called you).

You met Peter when he started working for your uncle. He was a sweet kid and your love of memes, vines and pop culture made you instant friends. He would ask you for advice on girls and tell you science jokes.

But we all know not all fairytales have a happy ending and this one definitely didn’t. You’re feeling so many things at once. There’s anger, sadness, jealousy and something else you can’t put your finger on. You keep crying and are unable to move from your kneeling position on the floor. Checking the clock you realize you’ve been on the floor crying for an hour so you stand up.

Taking a shower seems like the best thing to do, your head is pounding and your face is all puffy. As you shower it hits you, that other feeling swirling around is inevitability. In a way you always thought he was too good for you, you always thought he would eventually get tired of you and trade you for someone else. 

It just hurt too much that it was her, the woman he shared so much with. The niece of Peggy Carter, his first love. An agent of S. H. I. E. L. D.  Someone who risked their life for the world like he did. Someone prettier. Someone better than you.

Yeah, you were definitely on a self-pity party. But you needed to be miserable for a while, to cry it all out, to hurt so that you could move on to the next stage of grief: anger. And when that came, there was no stopping you.

You weren’t a mean person, or a petty one. You gave everyone countless opportunities and forgave way too easily so you never really got angry. But when you did, when you said enough is enough, yeah, you better watch out. That could be the meanest bitch you ever met and she had no mercy.

So you got out of the shower, dried yourself and started getting ready. Tony was throwing yet another party about who knows what and you were not missing it. You liked parties, they were the perfect excuse for wearing pretty dresses and putting on make up. And tonight you were going all out. 

Your inner bitch was concocting a plan and you were going with it.

You hear the door open and prepare yourself to put on the best acting of your life. You take a deep breath and in the sweetest voice you can muster say: “Steve is that you babe?”

“Yeah doll it’s me” you hear him say. A few second later he pops into the bedroom and gives you a peck on the lips as you continue with your makeup.

“How was your day?” Steve asks as he takes off his clothes, probably to take a shower. “I missed you today, i went by your office but you weren’t there” he says with a small frown between his eyes. You could stare at his blue eyes forever but snap out of it when you remember what he did. 

“Oh not much, i left work earlier to get ready for tonight” you answer. Shit your work. You really did leave like that, but after tonight hopefully they’ll understand. “You should start getting ready, the party starts in thirty minutes”.

He smiles at you and tells you he’s going to take a quick shower before getting dressed. He goes to the bathroom and you feel like breaking the mirror but instead take a few deep breaths and remind yourself he’s getting what he deserves later on. With that in mind you finish applying you makeup and smile at yourself, you look good. Moving on to your hair you decide to do some loose waves and that’s it, you really don’t know how to make those complicated updos.

Steve gets out of the shower and starts putting on his suit. Men really do have it easier you think to yourself when you see all the work you had to do and he just showers and that’s it.

You take your dress out of the closet and admire it. It really is beautiful. It has a deep plunging neckline that shows a lot of cleavage and is skin tight with a slit on one side. The fact that it is silver with sequins makes it even better. Pepper helped you pick this dress. 

You put on the dress and admire yourself in the mirror. You look good. Behind you, you hear a whistle and turn around to see Steve watching you lust in his eyes. He comes closer and grabs you by the waist, pulling you to him.

“You look stunning” he says as he wets his bottom lip. “I can’t wait to take it off of you when we get back”. Lying cheating bastard.

“Can't wait” you lie as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. This is just a kiss goodbye you tell yourself. One last kiss before he’s out of your life and probably runs to her. Tears threaten to fill your eyes but you hold them down. Not now.

You break the kiss when the need to breathe is too strong. Grabbing his hand you start walking towards the door and say: “Come on, we’re already late”.

——————————————————————————

The party had already started once you walk in and in true Tony fashion it is elegant and extravagant. Everyone is there: S. H. I. E. L. D. agents, the Avengers themselves, politicians and a few famous people. 

You and Steve walk to the bar and order drinks. A whiskey for him and a strawberry daiquiri for you, yes you are that basic but hey, it tastes awesome. He offers you his arm and with drinks in your hands you start looking for your friends. A lot of people stop you on the way, nobody wants to miss an opportunity to talk to Captain America.

One thing, or rather on person, catches your attention: Loki. He’s sitting on one of the cushions alone with a drink in his hand. It’s weird to see him there. Sure, he was redeeming himself for what he did in 2012 and Thor said he was doing better but he rarely left Asgard (he “hated mortals”) and when he did come to Earth it wasn’t for a party.

As if he could feel you staring he turns his head and locks his eyes with yours. You weren’t going to lie, he was gorgeous. He was incredibly tall, had those charming green eyes and was actually funny (but you’d never admit that to anyone). But you were in love with Steve and never saw him as anything more than Thor's hot brother. And everyone in the Avengers was hot so that’s not saying much.

You turn away from him and see Nat and Wanda on the dance floor and you tell Steve you’ll see him later and to go find his friends. He’ll need them after tonight you think to yourself. You greet the girls and start dancing with them, for a moment forgetting about what you saw today and putting Loki out of your mind.

The three of you decided to take a break and order some more drinks. Once at the bar Wanda orders for you and when your drinks arrive you go back to the dance floor. You spend the next few hours dancing, talking to your friends and pretending that nothing's wrong. Talking to Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Hugging Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Kissing Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong.

The fact that Sharon is at the party doesn’t help at all. When you see her talking or touching him you feel like you’re gonna lose it but you remain strong. You remind yourself of your plan and try to keep them out of your mind.

There’s a small stage at the far end of the room and you see your uncle Tony step on it and grab the microphone.

“Hello everyone and thank you for coming to another one of my amazing parties. I hope you are having a good time and taking advantage of the free bar over there” he points to the other side of the room and continues, “Now for what we have all been waiting for: karaoke! And yes, i want everyone to sing something because that’s the whole point of this. I'm looking at you Manchurian Candidate, you’re singing”.

With that he gets off the stage and passes the mic to Sam who decided to sing a Marvin Gaye song. He’s pretty good actually but you can’t fully concentrate on him because your mind is going a thousand miles an hour for what it’s going to happen later.

More people go up and sing their songs and you applaud when they’re done. Nobody is talking much, they're all too busy either laughing at the others performance, drinking or actually listening to the songs. You’re sitting with Steve to your right, Bruce to your left and the rest of the Avengers nearby. You’re your own little group.

It’s finally your turn and as you walk to the stage you can hear your friends whistling and cheering you on. Once you’re up on the stage you choose the song and start singing. 

Ask you once, ask you twice now

There's lipstick on your collar

You say she's just a friend now

Then why don't we call her?

So you wanna go home with someone

To do all the things you used to do to me

I swear, I know you do

Used to take me out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when I ring you up

Don't know where you are

'Til I hear her say your name

Used to sing along when you played guitar

That's a distant memory

Hope she treats you better than you treated me, ha

As you continue singing you get more and more confident and take the mic. You walk off the little stage and over to your friends while dancing and you can see them smiling, clapping and having fun. They have no idea how much i mean all of this you think. You look at Steve and he’s completely oblivious. Good, you want to take him by surprise. You arrive at your little circle of friends and start singing the chorus.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

You keep dancing and go back to back with Wanda who’s also singing along. You then turn to Nat and she grabs your hand and makes you do a little spin. 

After three, after four times

Why did I bother?

Tell me how many more times

Does it take to get smarter?

Don't need to deny the hurt and the lies

And all of the things you did to me

I swear, I know you did

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You go up to Tony and he starts dancing around you busting out some dad moves. You laugh and keep on singing and dancing.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (no, no, no, no)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You walk back to the stage as you sing and step up. You put the mic back into place and sing the last part of the song.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her (with her)

Kissing and having fun (and fun)

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (you get on with your life, I'll get on with my life)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

When you’re done people are clapping and cheering and you look to your friends to see them all smiling. You look at everyone and make a little mock bow and when you straighten you see Loki sitting on the same couch as before. But this time he’s looking at you and he’s laughing, not smiling and cheering but actually laughing.

You look back at your friends and say “Thank you, thank you” with a smile on your face. You continue , “I wanted to dedicate this song to my boyfriend Steve” you point at him.

“In case it wasn’t clear enough, i wanted to tell you that i saw you with Sharon”. You could hear a pin drop. No one was talking and all eyes were on you. This is what you wanted, to humiliate him as much as he did you. And what better way to do it than publicly? Oh but you weren’t done.

You could see Steve's face going pale and nobody knew where to look, if at you or at him. Tony look ready to murder him as did Rhody, Pepper, Peter and Bruce. Thor, Clint and Vision looked shocked. But Bucky, Sam, Nat and Wanda looked guilty.

Your heart breaks a little more when you realize they knew. You can’t really blame Bucky and Sam for not telling you, they were Steve's friends after all. But you thought the girls were your friends, that they would have told you. Apparently you overestimated that friendship.

You keep on smiling and continue “So… I’m breaking up with you. Hope she was a good fuck and wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that you were once in love with her aunt”. You do a dramatic pause and make a little disgusted face. “Anyway, if I’m lucky i´ll never see you again. Have a great life!”

And with that, you walk off the stage and make your way to your friends. Steve is rooted to the spot and his face is red with embarrassment. You walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and give him an evil smile. He gulps and opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then closes it. He does is two more times and still nothing comes out.

You turn to your group and look at Wand and Nat, who can’t seem to be able to look you in the eye. You sigh and say: “Who want enemies when they can have you as their best friends right?”. They look up then and start talking. Telling you how sorry they are and to please forgive them. You raise your hand to silence them and they do.

You go to your aunt and uncle who look like there should be smoke coming out of their ears and say: “I’m gonna stay in a hotel for the night, can’t stand to be here anymore”. Tony scrunches his eyebrows and look at you like you’re crazy.

“Hell no. You’re staying here. We can find him another room to sleep in but you’re not leaving. If anyone’s leaving is Mr. Star-spangled over there” he practically screams the last part as he points at Steve.  

You take a deep breath and hug him. It takes him by surprise but he puts his arms around you. “I appreciate it uncle Tony but i can’t stay at the compound, it just hurts too much” you say as you let go. Turning to your aunt you hug her as well and say: “Thank you for everything but I quit”.

The moment those words leave your mouth everyone starts talking at the same time telling you how crazy you are and to think about it. You just smile at them and tell them you already made up your mind. “I'm gonna go pack a bag and ask Happy to take me to a hotel nearby. Please make sure he doesn’t follow” you say as you point to a still red-faced Captain America. 

With that you turn around and leave. The room is silent for a few seconds before you hear your friends all screaming at Steve. You look around for a second and notice that Loki is staring at you with a smirk on his face. When you look him in the eye he raises his glass at you ant takes a sip. 

You give him a small smile and walk through the doors towards the elevator.  

[halothief]

` ☆ @parabathai​​ feat. e.m for s.h : kissing prompts.

how’d he get here again? sitting on the bumper of eddie’s shitty van, doors opened to the universe by lover’s lake? hidden beneath the stars, joint half smoked and long-since-sober, there’s a part of steve that can admit it’s kind of romantic, this space they’ve found themselves fitting together. they’re laughing and oversharing in the way only trauma-bonded people can, shared horror muting other vivid memories into pastel similarities.

i don’t know, man. kissing seems kind of overrated, if you ask me. it’s like, wet face-mashing, right?

— and perhaps steve’s taking advantage of the moment, all of the questions answered between them in comfortable comradery building up a false sense of hope in his ribs, but it’s exactly the kind of ice-breaker he needs.

    ‘ i mean, there’s more to it than that. you’ve probably just kissed people that suck at kissing. here, just— ’    he stubs out his cigarette in the ashtray between them and shifts his legs from their carefree hanging to cross-legged, body now facing towards eddie. sweaty palms, racy heart; steve’s the master of masks, and now he relies on those age-old skills tenfold as he drinks in the doe-eyed source of his affections.     ‘ i’ll show you... if you—want. ’

risky play, but he’s always been the one running headfirst into danger. this doesn’t change tonight — not when it comes to eddie.

do i just... close my eyes and lean in?

under ordinary circumstances, that’s the kind of question that’d set of a fit of laughter — a pretty girl with a wicked grin making fun of the moment crossing into intimacy. but there’s nothing ordinary about this moment, and this time, there’s also no girl. though there’s certainly still someone pretty looking at him, and honestly, steve’s always been a sucker for pretty things. not that eddie’s a thing. he’s [...] a person, a pretty person. 

god, his brain is a mess right now.

     ‘ — yeah. yes...do that. ’

why did mr cool have to abandon him now? it’s comical, the way he releases a breath the second he no longer has to hide from that too-knowing gaze. a hand reaches up, catches on the side of eddie’s neck, noticeably different from the softness he’s used to feeling beneath his fingertips. different, but not in a bad way, just a new way. steve swallows thickly, mouth suddenly as dry as the sahara, as if all of the moisture had condensed and made its way to his sternum. a thumb skims eddie’s cheek affectionately, and he cannot delay it any longer, not when eddie is sitting right there, eyes closed, waiting.

steve steals his mouth like a master thief, takes to it with reckless abandon as a hand finds the back of his neck and keeps him there. he throws all of his skill into it: years of meaningless practice, a glimpse of a purposeful relationship, and long nights of heartache. fingers thread through that messy hair, and he kisses eddie like it means something, begs eddie to understand without him having to say the words.

the only reason they break apart is his desperate need for oxygen. a rookie mistake in all of his adulation; steve had forgotten to breathe. he laughs nervously then, eyes fixed to the rings lining eddie’s fingers as he pushes a shaky hand through his hair. his tongue feels heavy. he wants to kiss eddie again.

steve lifts his gaze.

     ‘ so... still think it’s overrated? ’

[moonbeambucky]

Hey Neighbor (Part 23)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Peter Quill x Reader Word Count: 3787 Warnings: fluff, light angst

Summary: You had a plan and then life came along with one of its own. With your future almost derailed you worked hard to get yourself back on track and finally everything seemed to be going right… that is, until your new neighbor moved in.

A/N: Sorry for the delay but it’s here now, I hope you enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated!

HEY NEIGHBOR PART 22 | HEY NEIGHBOR MASTERLIST

It was hard to come to the realization that Bucky did want a relationship but you didn’t cut it. The weekend at the wedding was a test and you failed. You may have gotten high scores but obviously there was something about Claire that made her better than you. You’ve known Bucky for almost a year but in one date she was able to capture his heart in a way you never could.

The truth sits in your stomach like a rock, feeling the pain each time you move. It’s a boulder tied to your leg and you’re drowning but Peter cuts the rope, with soft gazes and a tender touch, sweet words and sweet sounds he pulls from you as you’re tangled together in bed.

You let go, let yourself be pulled into a bright world where Peter is waiting, because he actually wants you. There is no test. No competition with the exception of Groot. Even Rocket warmed up to you, the temperamental animal preferring to cuddle up in your lap over Peter’s. There was light now that the sea was no longer about to swallow you whole.

The group chat would still go off with messages about plans but you chose not to attend, taking the time to be alone with Peter or hang out with his friends. Drax was a fellow firefighter, a burly man, bald as an egg and covered in tattoos. Thor was a firefighter too, tall with cropped blond hair and biceps bigger than your head and then there was Gamora, the first friend Peter made when he moved to the city. And by friend you think he meant girlfriend though they have more of a platonic relationship now. She was effortlessly beautiful with rich brown eyes and hair, with the ends dyed a bright magenta that complimented the warmth of her skin.

It was nice to hang out with different people and it opened you up to seeing a new side of Peter when he was with his friends. Sometimes he was the Peter you knew, lighthearted and playful, teasing Drax for being too serious to understand a joke, other times Drax would make fun of him; a booming cackle coming from deep in his belly as he laughed at Peter’s expense. Most of the time Gamora would roll her eyes, calling them both idiots.

Thor did his fair share of teasing too although much less now that he was transferred to a new station. It’s probably for the best considering how often he and Peter seem to be in competition with each other though it’s all friendly underneath and you could tell how close everybody was.

They acted like a family and quickly accepted you as a part of theirs but your heart ached behind your smile, missing your own family. Steve who was like a brother to you, Wanda your sister, Peggy the mom of the group who was always there to care and comfort you if you were hurt, and Natasha the other mom that struck fear into the hearts of anyone who would dare hurt her family. Sam and Clint were the troublemakers and then there was Bucky.

You couldn’t think of how to describe him when you didn’t know what was real anymore. The Bucky that exists today is not the person you first knew; the man that was passionate about his music but apologized the moment he realized he was inconveniencing you. He didn’t have to do that. He could have been your asshole neighbor but instead he became a friend.

Peter takes your hand, jolting you from your thoughts as he pulls you off the couch to dance to “Come and Get Your Love.” It’s a fun distraction and you allow yourself to enjoy being swept up by it and surrounded by Peter’s affection.

Groot became accustomed to seeing you in Peter’s apartment, giving you a big greeting as you came over for dinner after a long day of work. Peter was able to steal a kiss before the big dog demanded more of your attention.

“Babe, can I use your laptop?” you asked, kneeling down to rub Groot’s stomach, hitting the spot that made his leg twitch.

Peter stepped away from the stove, wiping his hands quickly on a towel before getting his laptop from the bedroom. With Groot satisfied by his tummy rubs you were free to say hi to Rocket though he was sleeping.

“Here you go,” Peter said, handing you the laptop and leaning in for a better greeting. His tongue slipped past your lips as he deepened the kiss, pulling away when the hiss of boiling water splashed against the flames.

You set the laptop down on his table, bouncing your leg as you opened the cover and waited for it to load. Commencement was next month and you hadn’t applied for graduation yet. An email reminder you got earlier today sent you into a panic as the deadline was coming up.

It was not like you to forget something as important as this. Sure, there’s been a lot going on in the last month but there is no excuse to have let this slip your mind. You’re eager to take care of it right away, ready to log on to your school’s website but the last page Peter browsed was still up and it made your jaw drop.

“Oh my god Peter!” You flipped the laptop around to face him as he craned his head back. “What is this?” you asked, bursting with laughter.

Peter bloomed red like a rose, eyes going wide as he laughed, “Oh shit, sorry!”

The Sex Files, a threesome with an Agent Mulder-esque man having sex with two alien women, a busty brunette painted dragon fruit pink and the other a slim redhead with Wicked Witch green skin.

“Aliens, really?” You raised a brow questioning him with a smirk.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, slightly embarrassed. “It was on the main page. I gave it a chance,” he shrugged, chuckling.

You shook your head laughing, opening up a new tab so you could finally submit your graduation application. As Peter finished preparing dinner you ordered your cap and gown, smiling a little wider when you saw the citron hood, a symbol of all the hard work you’ve put in towards your Master’s degree.

Over dinner you teased Peter a little more about his video. “It’s fine if you’re into that but you won’t catch me painting my skin. Do you know how messy that would be?”

“You might as well. If I had a black light, I bet this place would already look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

Groot lifted his head at your loud burst of laughter, playfully shoving Peter’s arm. You wouldn’t be lying if you said his joke was still on your mind later that night, lying together in his bed after having just added to the invisible art.

Hot sticky skin against each other’s, the sheets lightly draped over you as the mugginess of the air settled in the room. Your eyes closed languidly, watching the rise and fall of Peter’s chest as you drifted to sleep.

The sun blazes on the street of a sweltering Sunday morning as you walk towards your destination, wiping the sweat from your brow as you huff down into the seat beside Natasha and Wanda whose hair were nearly identical now though Wanda’s had a more fiery copper tone. A tiny smile pulls at your lips when you see mimosa flutes already on the table; now it was officially time for brunch.

You apologize for not seeing them as much lately and thankfully they understood. Wanda was practically inseparable from Sam when they first started dating so she definitely didn’t blame you, although she still thought you were making a mistake.

Bucky was in the back of your mind though you did your best to ignore the fact that you were at the same place you met Wanda almost a full year ago to complain about your new neighbor. So many things have changed but obviously it’s for the better.

“So…” Natasha said with an enticing tone in her voice. She wiped crumbs off of her lips, a faded cherry red from the lipstick that still clung to them. “I have big news.”

“You’ve set a date!” “You’re pregnant!” You and Wanda spoke at the same time, waiting with anticipation to see who was right.

“No,” Natasha laughed. “I made partner!”

“Congratulations, that’s amazing!” you said, leaning over to hug her.

Wanda followed suit and as you sat back down you kept your lips pressed tightly together, eyes widening as Natasha raised a brow to question Wanda about her guess. She sunk back into her seat, clenching her teeth with embarrassment but Natasha was only kidding (or maybe she wasn’t, sometimes you couldn’t tell.)

“Clint and I are going to throw a party once it’s official, nothing big. Y/N is it okay if I invite Bucky?”

Natasha’s turned towards you, holding your gaze with compassion overflowing in the depths of her eyes. She knew what happened between you and Bucky. Whether someone told her or she put it together herself, the latter most likely, it didn’t matter. She knew. She knew and she wasn’t looking to force a resolution but to make sure that you as her friend would be comfortable being around Bucky. You assumed she realized you weren’t only spending time with Peter because of your new relationship but still Natasha didn’t question your actions. She waited patiently, a soft smile on her pillowy lips until you gave an answer.

“Of course Tash, you can invite Bucky.” Wanda started to look as green as her avocado toast as she gave you a worried stare. “I promise, I don’t have a problem with him.”

No one questioned your answer despite the opinions they held back silently and the rest of brunch was spent playing catch up since Steve’s birthday. You hadn’t really missed much, Clint was sleeping until noon most days, Steve was still growing in his beard, Bucky was… still with Claire. Yeah. You figured. You may have checked her Instagram again, seeing a picture of two coffee orders tagged at The Grind House.

After leaving the girls you went home with a seed of anxiety planted in your stomach, knowing it will grow larger every day until Natasha’s party where you would have to see Bucky and Claire again. You wanted to get this over with, rip the band aid off and see them but sometimes life liked to mess with you. Natasha’s party wouldn’t be until the following weekend because this weekend she and Clint were going to Vermont so he could participate in an amateur archery tournament.

You try your best not to focus on the countdown until the party despite the sequoia sized tree of anxiety, each limb a different scenario playing out in your mind of all the terrible things that could happen. It didn’t help that this was your last week at Metro-General as the semester was over. While you were thrilled to have finally finished your hours leaving Elena made you emotional.

This was the end of a long journey, a ride you never expected to be on for so long but now it was over; this is the end of the line and part of you doesn’t want to get off the train. Your legs are atrophied from being in the same spot, Stark Industries, Metro-General, soon it would be time to walk away from both but you’re not sure you remember how. The real world is scary and your doubts and fears are starting to take over.

On the Monday before the party there’s a knock on your door and all you can do is smile. You’ve expressed to Peter just how anxious you are about actually achieving your dream. He comforted you, reminding you there was nothing to worry about and to cheer up. Peter always knew how to bring out your smile and you suspect he’s orchestrated another flower delivery for you. A pre-graduation congratulations of sorts, something to lift your spirits and get your mind back on track to where it needs to be.

You open the door without looking, expecting to see a grand bouquet, or even courier holding balloons but instead there was Bucky. You felt the tree twist within your body, growing to an enormous scale. Your eyes catch sight of an item in his hand, a hanger wrapped in plastic and beneath it the dress you wore to the wedding.

“Hey nei�� ” He cleared his throat, speaking your name instead after watching the way your whole body dropped at the sight of him, from the smile that faded to the slouch of your shoulders. “I needed to get my suit dry cleaned and I forgot about this. I got it dry cleaned too so, uh… don’t worry about it.”

He rambled a bit, nervous, handing the dress to you.

“Thanks.” You said, biting back the nauseous feeling that crept its way up your throat.

“Going to Nat’s party?” he asked, hoping small talk would open the door to a real conversation.

Yes, I was friends with them first. “Yeah.” The curtness stayed in your mind only though your short answer wasn’t any friendlier.

Bucky nodded his head, “Kay… cool,” he said, with an uneasy tone that tried to pass itself off as calm. “See ya there.”

You smiled with tension, shutting your door. Tears were burning in your eyes, falling down your cheek as you jolted at the sound of his door slamming beside yours. Your dress was tossed to the side as you ran into the bathroom, running the water in the shower to mask the sound of your body heaving over the toilet. Bile burned up your throat, hot tears streaked down your cheeks and your heart felt like it was being torn apart by wolves.  

Avoiding Bucky didn’t help you get over him, and seeing him now, clutching your dress… a painful reminder of the weekend you spent together made it all worse. You wanted to call Wanda, to cry in her arms again, or Steve or even Val, to get drunk with and forget this ever happened. But you couldn’t call anyone. You couldn’t do anything but sink onto the cool tile floor of the bathroom, wishing you never met Bucky, sorry that he ever moved next door in the first place. You cried until there was nothing left to give.  

Now that you were done with your internship you were back at Stark Industries full time, devoting your days to The September Foundation, and helping coordinate a guest list for the opening gala. It was a lot of work that kept your mind very occupied so when it was time for Natasha’s party you were feeling better.

Better but not great.

Every time you glanced over at Claire’s arm looping through Bucky’s you felt weak and gripped Peter with a tighter hold. Each time he would lean down to kiss your temple, to hug you, hold you, show affection in any way while being ignorant of the real meaning behind your touch.

Claire waved her hand in front of Bucky’s eyes, having apparently been calling out to him though he didn’t hear it. He was caught up in his thoughts, lost in a tunnel that plunged him further into darkness every time Peter caressed your sweet skin.

He apologized, snapping himself back, taking note of the concern held in Claire’s eyes. He forced his muscles to fake a smile but it was useless, just as he tried to force the emotion that was absent in their kiss. Does Claire feel it too? It’s been that way for a while, empty actions, going through the motions so Bucky can continue to convince himself that something is there but he can’t do it anymore.

The next day he breaks up with Claire and it isn’t a surprise. They part on amicable terms and while Bucky should feel better he doesn’t. You’re still with Peter, and it was his stupidity that sent you straight into his arms.

Claire was supposed to be something special, that relationship he had been longing for but instead she was just a distraction, a voice to occupy his mind, a warm body to keep him company, but none of it worked. Her voice was nails on a chalkboard compared to yours, her body a pair of dice thrown across a half empty puzzle; it wasn’t a match, she wasn’t you.

Now it’s Bucky’s turn to avoid you, staying quiet in his apartment, taking the stairs so he didn’t have to chance meeting you in the elevator. He can’t handle it. He walks quickly past your door, his heart wrenching every time he’s forced to think of you, remembering what he lost.

Emptiness creeps in like a fog, loneliness settles in the empty cavern of his heart, without you life has lost its rhythm.

It’s late in the day when you receive an email from your school that sends you reeling. You couldn’t graduate. You thought it was a mistake, it had to be! There was no way this was correct.

Shaking fingers dialed the school as shaky hands stumbled across the keyboard, logging into your records and double checking that every class you’ve taken over the years is complete with a grade, and then you saw it. Your internship. INCOMPLETE.

Upon the school’s review you didn’t have enough hours, which is impossible because you have been busting your ass since the Fall semester to do this. You planned it, calculated every day, every hour and yet somehow you were wrong.

Your voice cracked as you begged for a resolution, bawling to the person over the phone that you’re thankful can’t see the way tears and snot are streaming down your face, sorry for the fact that they have to hear the way you loudly blow your nose into the phone.

By the end of the conversation you have a plan but it isn’t one that you like. You can walk for commencement next week but you would have to make up the hours and won’t receive your diploma until December.

You cleaned your face, barely, hoping to avoid everyone as you made your way down to Steve’s desk. You broke the moment you saw him, trying to keep your composure as best as you could until he was ready to leave.

Steve was devastated for you as was Wanda when you spoke to her that night. Natasha was already looking into your school’s policies to see if there was any legal recourse. “We can prove negligence on their behalf by failing to communicate in a timely manner to you the student that you did not meet the necessary requirements for graduation, therefore breaching their contractual obligation to provide adequate course guidance in accordance with…”

She went on with more legal jargon before you stopped her. “No, Nat this is my fault. It was my responsibility to calculate my hours. Would it have been nice to have an accurate figure to go off of? Sure, but I was the one who should have double checked. If I went in for an audit I would have known exactly how many hours I needed to get complete before the deadline.”

Natasha let out a sigh of frustration, wishing there was something more she could have done. Instead she let you lean against her, curled up on her couch as Clint prepared a giant bowl of ice cream topped with whipped cream, M&Ms and chocolate syrup.

“Thanks guys, I really appreciate this,” you sniffled, wiping a stray tear away.

It was nice to have your friends around for the night considering Peter was working. You could have texted him about this but chose not to. His shifts are long and stressful as it is and you didn’t want to add to whatever might already be on his mind.

But the next day you went to his apartment after work, somberly dragging yourself in through the door. Groot was able to put a smile on your face, and Rocket too, sticking his little hand out to try and unlock his cage upon hearing your voice but it wasn’t enough to stop the tears.

You took Peter by surprise as you wrapped your arms around him, soaking through his shirt as you cried. He held you close, stroking your hair gently as he whispered, “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”

Peter walked you to the couch, his thumb softly wiping away tears, squeezing your hand in his as he waited for you to let him know what was going on. And when you did he let out a sigh of relief. “You scared me so much. I thought something bad happened.”

You were taken aback by his reaction, confused for a moment because maybe in your tear riddled conversation the truth about what happened got lost.

“Peter, I can’t graduate. I have to wait until December.”

“Right but you’re going to graduate. You can still go to commencement and all you have to do is make up the hours right? Did you talk to Elena?”

Of course you spoke to Elena, she was sorry to hear about what happened and is going to work something out with you but that wasn’t the point.

“Peter, I don’t think you understand what this means to me. One of my best friends died from a situation that could have been prevented if a social worker was involved. Ever since then my only goal in life was to become a social worker, to never let something like that happen again. And now I have to wait four months to graduate, four months before I can apply for jobs and go on interviews.”

“It’s just four months.”

Whatever Peter said after you didn’t hear. Everything was white noise as four simple words destroyed your soul. How could he not understand? It doesn’t matter that you will be able to make up your hours (which you will), it doesn’t matter that you are allowed to walk for commencement next week (which you won’t because it isn’t real). What mattered was that after all this time, all of your hard work, the sacrifices you’ve made, working full time while you were in school, exhausting yourself to the bone with your internship, that none of it was enough and you still have to wait. It isn’t just four months, it's a painful setback for your dreams.

Peter doesn’t get it.

Bucky got it...

PART 24

[anika-ann]

um, hi👉👈so, i think that you’re the absolute queen of fluff, i melt everytime i read any of your fics, but my favorite must be Grease and Pearls (Attached is close behind and like, all of your fics, really)...Grease and Pearls is so soft and I just can’t with those two...the way Steve would bend over backwards to make and keep reader happy🥺like, I can feel he’d do everything what her heart desires and vise versa (they both left everything behind just so they could be together after all)..and, well, because of my love for this lovestory, i was wondering if you would consider revisit them?🥺i know it’s a lot to ask, but i’m dying to know what their life’s like now...did Steve open his shop? did he try being a street sketcher (or sth like that lol idk the term) and then get an opportunity to go to art school after all? and what about reader? did she become a teacher? a tutor? a waitress?? or something completely different? what about her relationship with Nat? did she take her under her wing? and what about her dream about having babies?🥺did she talk to Steve about it? was she shy to bring it up? scared even? or did Pietro’s words to Steve about having babies didn’t leave his mind and it was Steve who asked first if she wanted to have family with him??? i am so so sorry to bother you with this but as I said, i adore this story and i never get bored rereading it for the n-th time..and i don’t mean to pressure you, but it would make me like the happiest person if you could reveal how their life continued🥺but i understand if you don’t want to, you can ignore this message and i won’t be mad, promise... i love you and your stories, Ann!❤️

Uhm.... hi? 🥺  

This is such a sweet ask I can’t😭

This is NOT a bother at all. This is one of the nicest asks about a continuation of a fic I’ve ever seen

I’m delighted to hear that you’re enjyoing my stories! Hopefully the fluff is making your days better 🥰 Because you made like ym whole week 🥰🥺

And my, my, Grease and Pearls... it feels so long ago! Which is one of the reasons why I don’t think I will write more (also because there was never supposed to be a happy ending in the first place 😅). But. I LOVED writing it and Steve was the sweetest whenever it came to his updown girl and she did leave everything behind for him and-- you got me thinking.

So. My messy thoughts (IS THIS A HEADCANON):

warning: brief mention of smut

Love is great and all that and they fell really hard and fast for each other– they DID leave together after all.

But it isn’t exactly easy. She doesn’t have any experience with being a tutor and has no name in the area, no recommendations, which is why I believe she wouldn’t find the job she truly wants, so she would settle for the waitressing instead, supportive of Steve.

Steve obviously can’t open a shop right away, he too needs to save money for them, so he just finds another shop to work at, postponing his dreams – both art school ones and shop ones.

He however hates that she works as a waitress. It’s not that she can’t handle work – it’s the company she has to keep, the customers. His sweet girl doesn’t deserve assholes pawing at her, even if she’s always polite about it. He almost starts a fight right there when he comes in one day and notices some jerk trying to touch her ass. She deserves so much more. So he takes extra shifts. They are barely together at that point.

Natasha notices, because it’s hard not to. And frankly, she gives Steve a piece of her mind, because Steve’s girl doesn’t know what is happening between them too scared to address it, too scared Steve would walk away.

Natasha confronts Steve, while he has no idea she’s in the other room and he practically yells at her that he’s just doing it for his fiancé, because he hates what she has to deal with every day. The look on horror on his face when his fiancé walks out of the room is priceless – but more importantly, the two lovebirds are able to talk it out and Natasha clears the space, knowing for sure there’s be some make-up smooching. She’s right.

But. Their story so far had a happy ending and it does come when on a random afternoon, a nicely dressed girl around 13 walks into the diner, instantly caching everyone’s attention. And Steve’s girl worries about what the hell is a kid like her (she’s certainly seeing a lot of herself, this girl is very uptown), so she takes her under her wing and chats with her and actually tells her some fun facts she knows from when she had her private tutors and---

The next day the girl is back. With her mother.  

“My daughter says you were the only person who ever made boring facts fun. And that you’re incredibly smart. Are you? Because if you are, I’d like to hire you to be her private teacher.”

Yes, it sounds like a dream except that the mother is extremely arrogant about it, but—it works. Steve’s girl accepts the offer, the kid loves her and word gets around and she can leave the diner.

Steve might sport a little bit of hurt ego, because she makes more money than him, but he’s trying his best to be supportive – and it’s easy, because she never lets him feel like he’s something less and what’s his is hers. He stays working in the shop for a while, working on a secret project on side.

The day of their two-year anniversary, she hands him a voucher for evening lessons for drawing. He hands her the key to a little appartement he found, cheap and in need of reconstruction, which he has started working on with some of his friends from the shop. Their own space.

They both cry. A lot. And they totally christen the floor of the apartment the very same night. Unbeknownst to them, they make a child that night.

Do I need to say more?

Maybe Steve end up opening his own shop. Maybe he prefers loving on his girls, spending time with them, because tight money is better than having too little time on them. He loves teaching his little girl draw – then again, he adores her as much as he adores his wife.

And when baby two is on its way? He just knows that he’s the luckiest downtown guy to ever live.

I know it’s not tha same as if I wrote the fic, but I hope this will make you smile at least a bit 😊

Thank you so so much for reaching out so kindly and have a lovely day/night❤️✨

-

Grease and Pearls (S.R. x reader)

[cheesybadgers]

Narcos Fic: All In (Part 2)

Part 1  -  Read on AO3

Sequel: Trigonometry

Masterlist - All In Universe Masterlist

Pairing: Steve Murphy x Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo

Words: 4,338

Summary: Ever since arriving in Colombia, Steve has been desperate to be included in Peña’s and Carrillo’s plans to catch Escobar and his sicarios, but he can’t help feeling like he’s being iced out. He wants all in, but once again finds himself left on the side-lines. After Steve confronts Javi and Carrillo, they all get a lot more than they bargained for. Part 2 continues where part 1 left off. 

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Threesome, blowjobs, handjobs, masturbation, anal fingering, anal sex, unprotected sex, exhibitionism/voyeurism, bathroom sex, mirror sex, biting, dirty talk, slight authority kink, power dynamics, sex in the workplace, swearing, angst, jealousy, complicated relationships (understatement lol). 

Notes: Thank you to anyone who has interacted with part 1 on Tumblr or AO3 ❤️ I’m so relieved to finally have finished and shared this, not least of all because the logistics of writing a threesome involving such characters as these messy idiots was certainly a challenge and a half (but also SO much fun)! Think I need a lie down now 😂

Whilst obviously I do not own Narcos or its characters, please do not copy, re-post, or plagiarize this fic in any capacity on this or other platforms. If you wish to create any fan works inspired by it, please provide a credit or send me a message if in doubt.

Javi barely had chance to register what was happening, before he felt himself being manhandled and spun around. He was met with a barrage of harsh, unfaltering kisses, mixed with a probing, forceful tongue and bites to his lower lip that weren’t quite enough to draw blood, but more a warning of what Carrillo was capable of if he really wanted to do it. Oh fuck. Javi had witnessed him at his most ruthless on multiple occasions, so he should really have seen this particular charge of controlled aggression coming.

He absorbed everything Carrillo had to throw at him, willingly letting him take his vexation out on him in any way he needed to. There had been plenty of nights like this when it had just been the two of them, after yet more bloodshed or another near-miss. Anything to get them out of their heads and to distract from the countless lines they’d crossed under the flimsy guise of “whatever it takes”.

Javi was abruptly torn out of his spiralling thoughts by the warmth of another body behind him. Long, slender fingers firmly held him at the waist, before he was guided back round to face the other way.

“Actually, I wasn’t quite finished.” Steve threw a thunderous glare across Javi’s shoulder as he pulled him in for a kiss less measured than Carrillo’s, yet almost as ferocious in its intensity, with the added scrape of facial hair most likely leaving friction burns in its wake.

Javi gasped into Steve’s mouth, his fingers reflexively sliding through his damp hair; their tongues hungrily exploring as he wondered with a sharp thrill if Steve could still taste Carrillo on him.

Steve had been so painfully close before Carrillo’s interruption and now his body was humming like a live wire with pent-up frustration and lust on a scale he’d never known. He could do nothing but pour it all into Javi, not wanting to break contact even to draw a breath. They were addicted from the very first hit; months of unspoken tension finally dispelled, whilst simultaneously tipping fuel on the inferno the three of them had ignited in the here and now.

Familiar strong hands appeared from behind and drifted to the apex of Javi’s jeans. Carrillo wasted no time in reaching his target as he sunk beneath the fabric and gripped Javi’s hard cock in his palm, muscle memory kicking in as he instinctively twisted his wrist just so.

Right on cue, Javi jerked forwards into Steve’s chest. Carrillo smugly huffed through his nostrils before muttering in his native tongue into Javi’s ear, knowing full well Steve couldn’t understand any of it. The way Javi’s eyelids fluttered shut and his breaths came in shallow bursts told Steve all he needed to know about the nature of the words Carrillo was using, though.

Steve scoffed at the Colonel’s brazen tactics, before upping the ante further by sinking to his knees; his large palms cupping and kneading Javi’s ass, pulling him closer and further away from Carrillo, who had no choice but to release his hold on Javi.

Steve lowered Javi’s jeans just enough to unfurl his length, ensuring he had his full attention as he sunk his lips around him. There was so much of him to swallow, to swipe his tongue over and taste. The deeper he took him, the louder the satisfied grunts from above became and the tighter Javi fisted his fingers in Steve’s hair, which only spurred him on further.

Javi was delirious and drunk on the gratification both men were giving him in turn, their jealous tug of war only intensifying his arousal as he drowned in the heat of the two bodies surrounding him. It was beyond anything he’d ever experienced, too much if he allowed himself to think about the repercussions or what any of it might mean in the harsh light of day. Far easier to not think about it for now, instead letting his mind drift away and his senses take over.

Steve could almost have forgotten there weren’t in fact just the two of them in the room; that is, until he felt Javi being pulled away from him, his mouth suddenly empty.

“Alright Murphy, you’ve had your fun. Peña, I want you over my desk.” Carrillo’s tone was unnervingly calm given the circumstances. There was no mistaking it this time; it was an order, not a request.

Both men obeyed, Steve reluctantly sitting back down and mild panic rising in Javi’s chest over what was about to happen. Not because he didn’t want this – quite the opposite – but he had no idea how Steve was going to react and had his suspicions that Carrillo knew this as well.

Carrillo walked round to the other side of his desk where Javi was now waiting. They were both facing Steve, who could do nothing but observe; a thought that had sparked arousal earlier, but now, he had no idea what to expect.

“Fresh Meat did well, I’ll give him that. Let’s see what he makes of this.” And with that, Carrillo pressed himself up against Javi’s back.

The added weight edged Javi further forwards, his hands meeting the desk to balance himself. Carrillo grasped Javi’s cock once more and gave it a rough tug, his gaze never leaving Steve.

Javi shuddered, his eyes drifting closed and his head tilting back to be cushioned by the sturdy muscle of Carrillo’s shoulder.

“Ah-ah Peña, eyes on your gringo,” Carrillo chastised, his hot breath ghosting across Javi’s skin as he spoke.

Javi complied and couldn’t quite gauge the expression Steve was carrying. His brow was low and tightly knit, yet his chest heaved and his cock remained impressively hard. That realisation made Javi spasm in Carrillo’s hand, before he let out a strained “Oh fuck!”

In retaliation, Carrillo let go of Javi and eased his fingers under the waistband of his jeans, yanking them down and over his ass.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” Carrillo released himself from his trousers and lightly palmed his stiff length as he spoke. “I don’t think you’ve ever come so hard as when I suggested he join us.”

“For fuck’s sake, Carrillo!” Javi hissed as he grew increasingly antsy, the throbbing ache between his legs now verging on painful. Something primal had taken over as flashbacks of that night danced through his mind, flooding every part of his body with the raw desire to be thoroughly fucked by the imposing force of nature behind him, whilst his partner watched.

Luckily, the same thing was on Carrillo’s mind, as Javi heard the sound of a drawer opening next to him, closely followed by his legs being spread further apart. They had made do in the past with spitting into their hands, but as their encounters became more of a regular habit, Carrillo began to keep a bottle of lube hidden in the confines of his desk.

Carrillo ran a now-slick finger over Javi’s hole before pressing in with the tip. “He seems to be enjoying the show as well.”

Javi tensed and whined, his hands sliding further across the desk to brace himself, as Carrillo slipped deeper inside and began stretching him out. He dared to glance up at Steve; the unmistakable arousal that was flashing across his blown pupils allowing Javi to relax into Carrillo’s touch more easily, pushing backwards on to his fingers as a second digit joined the first. He was almost certain he could come right there and then from the stimulation combined with the visual of Steve in front of him, but he took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself.

Just as eager to move things along, Carrillo applied more lube before lining himself up and swiftly pressing into Javi. It wasn’t slow or gradual, but bracing and desperate. This game of one-upmanship between him and Murphy had gone on too long for his liking; he was claiming back what was his.

Javi bit down on his lip in an attempt to stifle the obscene noises rising up in his throat as he felt the tantalising drag of Carrillo’s cock along his tight walls, sliding out before immediately slamming forwards.

Carrillo set a punishing pace from the start; one arm clenched vice-like around Javi’s waist for purchase and the other clasped over his hand on the desk in front of them. He couldn’t resist looking over at Steve just as he snapped his hips and plunged into Javi to the hilt, expertly hitting his sweet spot at just the right angle.

Javi couldn’t help but mewl helplessly as he flung his head back, his exposed neck in the firing line for Carrillo to mouth and bite down on.

Carrillo wasn’t sure if Steve wanted to join in, or kill him and then claim Javi for himself. Or more likely all three, in that order. Knowing the power he held over both of them sent an exquisite thrill through him, his cock pulsating as it moved inside Javi and a snarl escaping his lips as he unceremoniously marked his neck.

Steve’s pupils darkened as he watched Carrillo thoroughly dominate his partner. It was enraging and confusing, yet also the most erotic thing he’d ever witnessed. His mixed emotions quickly gained momentum, battering through him with the force of an unstoppable tornado and before it even registered in his brain what he was doing, his hand had slid down his body and he was steadily stroking himself.

“Keep your eyes open, Peña. I think Murphy likes what…he…sees.” Carrillo’s usually steadfast composure was uncharacteristically fraying at the seams as his own release grew nearer.

Javi lowered his head, wholly unprepared for Steve furiously pumping his cock with his fist, or the resulting wet, slapping sound echoing round the room. Nor was he prepared for Steve groaning out “Ah fuck Jaaaaavi!” His lazy drawl clinging to the first vowel of his name in a way he’d never heard before.

“Shiiiit Steve,” Javi panted in response, as he felt himself on the cusp, scarcely believing the view in front of him, let alone what Carrillo was doing behind him at the same time.

“I knew this is what you wanted, Javier. I…always…know,” Carrillo interjected in between devastating thrusts. He moved his hand from the desk, reaching down to Javi’s cock and reminding him exactly who was the one mercilessly pounding into him.

He wasn’t sure if it was the use of his full name that was the final straw, or the fact it was the first time Carrillo had uttered it in this setting; or that Steve was spread out in front of him on the verge of his own release, but it was all more than enough to catapult his body into a series of violent spasms, the air rushing out of his lungs as he came all over Carrillo’s hand - and partly on his desk - with a strangled cry.

Whilst Javi tried to regain the use of his senses, Carrillo’s movement faltered, his breath ragged in Javi’s ear and fingernails digging harshly into his hips. “Almost…there.”

“You gonna come for me…Horacio?” Javi echoed back; his voice hoarse. He knew he was in risky territory using Carrillo’s first name, but somehow wasn’t able to care enough to stop himself.

His gamble paid off, as Carrillo’s thrusts stuttered several times before he eventually stilled; a low, guttural moan filling the air as he emptied himself deep inside of Javi. The force of his release pushed Javi further over the desk, Carrillo’s strong arms now caged possessively either side of his pliant body. His mouth connected with Javi’s shoulder as he rode out his high. Animalistic bites gradually turning to light nips, before petering out into something unexpectedly softer; a shift barely perceptible, but no less significant, even if they didn’t realise it in the moment.

Both men looked over at Steve as they caught their breath, each party enraptured by the other. It wasn’t long before Steve finally succumbed; the sight of Javi splayed out in a post-coital daze with Carrillo still buried inside of him too much to handle. His back arched and his muscles tightened before wave after wave of pleasure cascaded over him, spilling copiously over his hand and stomach with a pained whimper.

------------------------------------------------------

A stunned silence hung in the air, as all three men remained still whilst their bodies recovered and they attempted to process what had just happened.

Carrillo eventually withdrew from Javi and tucked himself back into his trousers, his default neutral expression giving nothing away.

Javi and Steve didn’t appear to be faring as well; a more awkward atmosphere now sat between them, as they weren’t sure what to say or where to look. Instead, they concentrated on re-adjusting their clothes and hair as best they could.

“So, Murphy…you still all in?” Carrillo eventually taunted, lighting a cigarette and breaking the silence.

Javi gave Carrillo a warning look and raised his hand to cut him off. “Don’t.”

Now fully dressed, Steve walked across to Carrillo and squared up to him, once again taking advantage of his greater height as he towered over him.

“Oh, you know I am and you know I can handle it, so no more icing me out from now on. That understood?”

Carrillo considered him for a moment - cigarette still in hand having just taken a long drag - as if he was a specimen under a microscope; somehow simultaneously managing to scowl down his nose at Steve whilst also having to look up at him.

He exhaled, blowing smoke directly into Steve’s face. “Understood.”

“Good.” Steve didn’t blink as he stood his ground. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna head home and grab a shower and some sleep,” he continued, as though the last few seconds had never happened.

“Wait, Steve. Are you sure you’re okay?” Javi asked, unable to stop himself from checking in, even though he strongly suspected his concern wasn’t welcome right now.

“Javi, please. I’m fine. How ‘bout you? We good?” Steve was aware they were going to have to talk about this properly at some point, but now absolutely wasn’t the time or place. So, deflection was the next best option.

Javi’s eyes suddenly softened. “Of course, we are.” And his voice was barely above a whisper.

“See you tomorrow then?” Steve headed for the door, desperately hoping this would be his final word on the matter for the night.

“Right, yeah, see you tomorrow,” Javi replied vaguely, still not convinced, but knowing he’d pushed it as far as he could for the time being.

“Happy now?” Javi threw at Carrillo after a moment of terse silence once Steve had left.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t get exactly what you wanted. You loved every minute of it. Admit it,” Carrillo teased, his voice dropping lower and rougher.

Javi scoffed with an eyeroll and a shake of the head. “So that was all for my benefit, was it? How gallant of you.” He took Carrillo’s cigarette from him, inhaled deeply and passed it back again. “And it’s not me I’m worried about.” He blew out a cloud of vapour whilst managing to avoid giving Carrillo the satisfaction of a proper response. 

“Why don’t you run along after him then, if you’re so concerned?”

Carrillo’s patience for Javi’s overprotective mollycoddling was running thin. Steve was a grown man, after all. They’d given him plenty of chances to walk away tonight and he’d been more than a willing participant. More than Carrillo had expected, if he was honest with himself and he wasn’t sure whether to be mildly impressed or irritated. He’d had an inkling Javi’s interest in Steve wasn’t one-sided, so that wasn’t a great surprise, but Steve had held his own more than he’d anticipated and now he was wondering exactly what he’d started and how far things might go.

He didn’t quite know what to do with that thought, especially when Javi didn’t respond and made for the door instead.

------------------------------------------------------

Once Steve left Carrillo’s office, he headed straight for the nearest bathroom. He leaned over one of the porcelain sinks, letting out a slow, deep breath.

He lifted his hands up from the edge of the sink and noticed they were shaking. He clenched his fists several times in quick succession, before turning the tap to the coldest setting and splashing his face; the shock of the cool spray at least temporarily taking the edge off.

Fuck. How the hell had any of that just happened? He couldn’t bring himself to think about the whys, or what it all meant, not yet. He was still coming down from the adrenaline rush, which he realised didn’t feel too dissimilar to the aftermath of a high-octane raid or shootout. Blood pumping through his veins, his heart hammering in his chest and a restless energy he couldn’t shake.

He closed his eyes, trying to placate his racing thoughts, before he was interrupted by the creak of a hinge behind him.

“Thought I’d find you in here,” Javi called from around the edge of the half-opened door.

“Is that right? Because you always know what’s best for me.”

“Well, you’re not exactly proving me wrong, are you?” Javi shot back, as he moved further in to the room, letting the door swing shut behind him.

“You both can’t help but underestimate me, can you? Him especially,” Steve nodded his head in the general direction of Carrillo’s office, “but you as well.”

Javi let out an exasperated sigh. “I was trying to protect you, Steve, that’s all.”

“You sure it was me you were protectin’?”

“What are you talking about?”

“It seems to me the only person bothered by this new arrangement…is you.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Javi wasn’t in the mood for cryptic riddles at such a late hour of the day.

“Maybe, just maybe, deep down you know we’d both ruin you.” Steve’s voice purred, low and gravel-rough as he closed the gap between them. He paused long enough to hear the ripple effect, catching the noticeable hitch in Javi’s breath as his words sunk in. “You think he’s the only one who can fuck you like that?”

“Steve…” was all Javi could quietly muster in response to Steve’s words pouring in his ear like warm, sinful honey. His throat was too dry and constricted to manage anything further and his nerves were surging with arousal once more.

“Just give me a chance, Javi, that’s all I’m askin’,” Steve drawled, the atmosphere between them still brimming with tension, as though now they had opened those floodgates, there was no closing them.

With that, their mouths and tongues reconverged, hands roaming underneath shirts, nails raking along undiscovered skin and teeth dragging along each other’s lips until they swelled and tingled.

“I take it that’s a yes?” Steve asked when they eventually broke apart.

“Fuck yes,” Javi sighed, gasping for air before he was hastily turned round to face the sink.

Steve’s hands rapidly fumbled with the zipper and belt in front of him and roughly worked the material down Javi’s legs. Once satisfied, he unsheathed himself from his own jeans, feeling like a teenager as his cock was hard again already.

He firmly pumped himself a couple of times, hissing at the sensitivity, yet he couldn’t have stopped even if he’d wanted to. He had no intention of prolonging this, somehow figuring in the back of his mind that there would be other opportunities for that if they wanted to. He eagerly lined himself up; any nerves at this being his first time doing this with another man soon ebbing away. Maybe it was the adrenaline coursing through him, or the fact that Connie used to let him do this with her sometimes and although not exactly the same, it still felt like familiar territory.

He slid his cock between Javi’s cheeks, teasing up and down and briefly halting with a dark smirk as he remembered Javi hadn’t had chance to clean up since Carrillo. He swirled himself around several more times, making sure the head of his cock was fully coated, before pressing forwards. He slid in easier than he was expecting, Javi already nicely stretched out and ready for him.

“You feel that? Won’t be long ‘til we’ve both filled you up.” Steve began to mouth his way up and down Javi’s neck, scraping his teeth along hot, clammy skin.

Javi could barely focus, his head lolling backwards to meet Steve’s chest for support as a deep groan rumbled in his own.

“Ah-ah, I want you to look in the mirror.”

Javi opened his eyes and lifted his head forward. Steve was already watching him through the reflective glass; a storm raging behind his steel-blue pupils and with a single look had swallowed Javi up into the epicentre of it.

Steve’s hip movements were less controlled than Carrillo’s, but no less bracing. He was hitting deep and hard into Javi, causing his knees to repeatedly strike the basin in front of him.

Their eyes remained fixed on each other through the mirror, observing how their faces contorted as they hurtled closer towards their peaks; getting off on being a voyeur to their own pleasure, both inevitably reminded of being watched by Carrillo earlier that night and knowing he was likely still about in the building now and could discover them at any second.

Javi backed up to meet Steve’s hip movements, pressing him closer and deeper. “Fuck…so…close.”

“Carrillo might like to think he owns you, but he’s gonna have to learn to share from now on,” Steve ground out, almost as though he’d read Javi’s mind.

Steve running his mouth like that was enough to push Javi over the edge, his hands lunging forwards to steady himself on the basin as he came with a winded growl, painting his stomach with his own release for the second time that night.

Steve was right behind him, a thrust or two more and he was spilling inside of Javi, clutching tight enough to his hips to leave bruises, his whole body trembling as he let out a muffled cry into Javi’s shoulder.

They stayed still for a short time, before Steve slowly pulled out, nuzzling himself into the back of Javi’s neck as they recuperated.

“God damn Javi, that was…” Steve panted out, unable to stop himself chuckling in the absence of words.

Javi smirked as he attempted to even out his breathing. “Yeah…it was.”

“See, I told you,” Steve boasted, unable to hide the smug tone from his voice.

Javi exhaled and shook his head, considering not even justifying it with a response, before settling for a muttered “Asshole,” under his breath, which only seemed to feed Steve’s proud ego even further.

------------------------------------------------------

They finally found enough energy to move and attempted to clean themselves up as best they could, although accepted they’d need showers once they got back to their apartments.

After sharing a soft, lingering kiss goodnight – a stark contrast to their heated, frantic first kisses - they reluctantly left the bathroom, Javi walking out first with Steve following behind.

However, Steve almost bumped straight into Javi as he came to an abrupt halt in the corridor. All became crystal clear as soon as Steve tracked Javi’s sightline. Carrillo was on his way out too.

No words were required and it didn’t take being a senior ranking officer of the CNP to deduce what had been going on in that bathroom. Not to mention, Carrillo had seen Javi looking exactly like this plenty of times before, because he’d always been the cause of it. Until now, that was.

Carrillo’s eyes had never looked darker or more turbulent, as they moved hawk-like from Javi to Steve.

Steve fought to keep his face neutral at first; the edges of his mouth starting to tremble and his jaw working from side to side in a bid to disguise it, but it was no use in the end. Before he could stop himself, his lip muscles fully contracted into a smirk on one side and he huffed out the barest traces of a laugh through his nostrils. Carrillo heard it though, or more felt the reverberations of being well and truly outmanoeuvred crash into him like a tidal wave across the corridor.

“Catch you later,” Steve casually offered, before strolling away and out of sight, as though he was simply clocking off after another day at the office.

Javi remained frozen to the spot, only managing to escape the full weight of Carrillo’s glower by diverting his own gaze to the floor and staring intently at a scuffed tile.

Carrillo’s silence stretched out like an eternity, the atmosphere in the narrow space now supercharged and heavy with something Javi couldn’t quite put his finger on. He suspected it could go one of two ways, like it so often could with Carrillo and trying to second guess him was usually futile.

Carrillo moved closer to Javi, the lingering scent of sweat and sex undeniable on their skin and in the thin air between them.

“Next time, I want to watch,” Carrillo suddenly rasped as he leaned into Javi’s ear, before walking away into the night and leaving Javi speechless and dumbfounded.

Javi’s legs held out just long enough for him to collapse against the wall, as he scrambled desperately in his pocket for his lighter and pack of cigarettes, needing the familiar comfort of nicotine to ground him as he strived to make sense of what the fuck had just happened.

He knew he was in deep trouble, that playing with fire as scorching, tempestuous and unpredictable as this was always going to end in people getting burned, yet he also knew he couldn’t pull himself out now even if he tried. There were no half-measures and there was no turning back. That was the deal when you went all in.

[meruz]

asks which i realized i actually havent answered in a while?

thank you for all the hobbit love!!!!!!!!! I was kind of nervous about posting that design because i didnt know whether tolkien fandom would be chill with ...well furries essentially. happy that you guys dont seem to mind at all ^^ here’s more that I could never figure out a post for LOL

thank you! and lol i was kind of joking about leaving the p5 fandom but uhhh I don’t think i’ll be drawing much more p5 because I think I got it out of my system. also tbh I don’t know if I actually like p5?? or if I just had a lot of shit I wanted to express and say about it via fanart. I had like this whole agenda where I wanted to make p5 art based on a more noir...almost graphic american comics style because I felt like that was the most interesting thing about the game’s art direction and not a lot of fanartists cashed in on it. Also I wanted to depict like a very specific shuake vibe that wasnt too romantic but also not ... completely un-romantic. something that really capitalized on the fact that they’re just terrible teens. idk. anyways I like the work I made for the fandom and I think I managed to say everything I wanted to say w it.

I AM signed up for a shuake zine though so expect an encore before I sign out completely LOL.

thank YOU being very nice to me. ik its been a while but I WILL Draw digimon again sometime. kids with big shoes and monster pals is just the most fun thing to draw ever.

uhhhguhhg not particularly? The tamers kids just seem SO young.

I thought the scene where takato confesses to juri was incredibly lovely but it’s well done because it’s not particularly romantic or ship-indulgent its like... all about the way kids attach to each other when they feel out of place or scared. and how simply someone can become special to you at that age. 

if i mentally age them up a little I could see kazu and kenta being a fun ship. they had that one episode where they were like. kind of a parallel for those married digimon?? which is deeply amusing. 

also I think ruki is a baby lesbian. just the way she dismisses every boy but is obsessed with even the most random girl they encounter...! but i think her rivalry with ryo is so so funny because its like a like... little league tcg rivalry. I want to believe that when theyre in middle school ruki and ryo date for like 2 weeks and the plain existence of that relationship wreaks havoc on kazu and kenta who are in weird idol love with ryo and hate ruki but also are friends with ruki. and then they break up because they realize theyre both gay or whatever but kazu and kenta take approx a month to recover from the psychological& emotional damage.

I like ruki/juri too but i have no solid concept of how that would work out...

I actually totally meant to draw all this in like a convoluted fanart post at one point but I never got around to it so thanks for asking about tamers shipping LOL

How it ends up looking painterly.... idk. Because I’m a messy painter and I use big strokes? I don’t really blend but I do use mid-opacity textured brushes when I paint a lot so thats probably part of what makes it look soft/painterly/integrated. I use the lasso for hard edges and then brushes to create soft shapes within them... if that makes sense? SORRY THIS IS HARD TO EXPLAIN, anyways, I have a handful of videos of me drawing on youtube. Theyre really boring because they dont have music and I didn’t bother to edit them in interesting ways but.. theyre there. Maybe itll help?

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxOLP2dN4f5kJKT6p3Inq4A

Thank u!!! steve and tony are positioned to be slightly holding hands lol

My pull list currently is:

X-Men

Marauders

Excalibur

S.W.O.R.D.

Hellions

X-Factor

Wolverine

Cable

X-Force

New Mutants

Guardians of the Galaxy

Daredevil

Miles Morales: Spider-Man

Champions

Far Sector

True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: National Anthem

Home Sick Pilots

So like all of the x-books, the occasional teen hero and the occasional indie. I was thinking of dropping Wolverine and Cable but idk... Cable sort of won me over during x of swords and if wolverine brings adam kubert back I think I’ll start digging it again LOL. I jumped onto Guardians on a whim but its suddenly become one of my favorite books along with S.W.O.R.D... so I guess I have to go back and read Immortal Hulk at some point, become a true Al Ewing stan.

Far Sector is my only DC pull atm but also I loved a lot of the GN releases this past year and Wonder Woman Dead Earth is like my favorite 2020 comic actually. So dc imprints are KICKING ALL KINDS OF ASS. main dc tho.... idk. I’m kind of eyeing the new robin book but I think thats where my interest ends.

<3

[starvels]

Maybe, sometimes, Steve might not like watching, but he likes the idea of Tony being “alone” and vulnerable with others even less (unless it’s like close teammates or friends I imagine Steve doesn’t trust them) and he does like the end result so he does sit in a corner of the room and stew until he gets to kick everyone else out and “clean up”

mmm i first wrote: i don't think this interp is the kink for me, but you do you bb! in response to this, but the more i think about it, the more i wanna see if we can deconstruct this a bit.

this is a trope i see a lot in fanfic. and while we're just talking about fic, it worries me bc as in an adult in a relationship, i find this behavior rly...uncool dfkjbnkdjb

if steve is choosing to sit in on a session of tony with other folks, why is he upset??

if he made that choice, i would hope its because seeing tony w other folks is what he enjoys about the situation/everyone has consented to. if he's worried about tony in those moments, but doesn't actually like to see tony with other people, that's fine - he could express that and they could problem solve, safewords, vetting the people tony is sleeping with, an AI keeping watch, etc etc. but if he's in the room and he does things like saying i don't trust you w these people, i'm gonna be in here and stew and then kick everyone out - i don't wanna frame that as ~sexy or healthy, bc its not to me.

personally, possessiveness or 'stew'ing while your partner engages in an activity that you have both agreed on, partly for your own benefit seems yeurk! to me. its actively concerning esp bc you and your partner both agreed on this activity and it's supposed to be you both exploring something and seeing if you do find it fun. it's supposed to feel good for both of you and be safe and consensual. and if you don't find it fun or trust it or it doesn't make you feel good - why would you do it? what purpose does it serve to have to endure something in your relationship, that you don't have to?

that's why i wrote it like: the subtle difference of steve not liking to watch other partners with tony, but liking to be with tony after…other partners are done…with tony…..

bc that's the difference - steve expressing what he enjoys in a communicative and boundary recognizing way. that's what i love to see! he wants to see tony worn out and messy and rode hard and put away wet like he spent the whole day giving rumiko head or letting rhodey fuck his thighs, etc. steve loves to see the aftermath of that, to touch tony after, loves when tony is overwhelmed by being touched and loved and cared for. but the thought of watching it, of not not being a part of it, of not being tony's focus is not as fun, doesn't give him that spine zesty tingle of anticipation.

as a whole, i like open relationships and poly explorations! i like people enjoying imagining/seeing their partner with other partners or having many types of intimate relationships. the joy of s/t exploring it specifically to me, is both in the physical fun they can have, kinks they can explore with themselves and others and also the compersion! of them loving how the other loves. i think that would be really satisfying for poly s/t to know how good they are to other people. or to, at the least, be curious about whether or not they would enjoy seeing it.

and that could be: tony giving oral to 5 people in a row while steve praises tony and the other person. that could be steve giving sharon a nice body worshiping day off, then hand washing her bras gently and hanging them up and tony smiling so fondly from the doorway when steve calls out, just one sec! or it could be that it turns out steve doesn't like watching tony and others and instead of sitting there not enjoying it, steve says his safeword in the middle of tony going down on thor and steve! asks for the scene to end! and says he needs to walk away for a bit. communication! consent! acknowledgement that we are human and its not bad to feel possessive or to not like your partner with other folks, but it is bad to let it boil inside of you and make things uncomfortable or not what everyone agreed to for pleasure because it is pointless to endure if the point, the whole ass point is you enjoying being with your partner(s).

so, in short to circle back around, i think its really important steve doesn't push himself to watch if what he's enjoying isn't watching, actually!

and, so! while i think we could all talk through this trope a little more and i don't think this interp is the kink for me, everyone should still do them! absolutely no shame. just love to complicate the convo haha.

[amythedvdhoarder]

I Want You

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Written for Laur’s Quarantine Writing Challenge. Her work is always amazing so check it out @fvckingavengers​

Song Prompt: I want you – Nick Jonas. Lyrics in italics throughout (and the title)

Word count: 3.6K

Summary: Bucky messed up but he can’t live without you. He wants you and has to get you back

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff and smut 18+ only (covered all bases here I think!)

Authors notes: GIF not mine. Ahhh so happy to be writing again. It is my first song prompt and was so fun to write. Gotta love some arguments and the eventual making up. I don’t write smut very often but hope you like it. Really tempted to do a follow up if people are interested? Feedback is always welcome so please let me know what you think x

Here is my masterlist if you want to read any of my other Bucky one-shots!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The knocking at your door woke you up with a start. You looked across at the clock and saw it was 2 in the morning. There was another loud bang on the door. You groaned, flicked on the bedside lamp and dragged yourself out of bed to the front door of your apartment. Glancing through the peephole in the door you sighed. “Bucky go away, I don’t want to talk to you. It’s the middle of the night for fucks sake.” You saw as he moved closer to the door. “Would you let me in, or I’m breaking in ‘cause I ain’t gonna let you go.” Knowing full well that the super soldier would follow through with his threat, you started to unlock the door. Bucky strode into the room as soon as you opened the front door, his hands running through his short locks. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, stress etched across his handsome features. “Just so you know, I’m only letting you in because I don’t want to piss off the neighbours.”

“Y/N, I want you and no one else” Anger surged through your body. “I’m not having this conversation again Bucky. If you wanted me that bad then you wouldn’t be afraid to tell people about me and you definitely wouldn’t be eye fucking and flirting with other women in front of me.” Bucky’s head dropped, you were right that he hadn’t behaved how he should, treated you the way you deserved, but he did want you. He watched as you walked back towards your bed and climbed in, pulling the duvet around you. “Y/N come on. Can you please just listen to what I have to say?” You groaned and slammed you head back again the pillows. “Fine but not now, I’m fucking knackered alright. I’ll listen to what you have to say in the morning.” Bucky shifted nervously. “Um can I crash here?” Although Bucky couldn’t see your face he knew you would be rolling your eyes. “Whatever. The sofa is all yours. Don’t mistake this as an act of kindness or a sign I want to get back together. I just can’t be bothered to argue with you at 2 in the fucking morning.” He threw his arms up in surrender and headed towards the sofa, pulling off his jacket and shoes. Just as he was unbuckling his belt something large a soft hit him in the back. He turned and picked up the pillow you had just thrown at him and smiled to himself. Clearly you cared about him on some level. “Thanks Y/N” You responded only by waving your arm back at him. “See you in the morning” This time all he got was a grunt as you turned off the lamp, throwing the apartment into darkness. Bucky silently finished undressing, leaving him in just his boxers. He pulled the knitted throw off the back of the sofa and got himself as comfortable as he could.

He was going to fix this. He had to fix this, he was crazy about you. You had dated for over 6 months. Those 6 months had been the happiest of his life.

----------

The first time he had met you was in the library, he was looking for a book by an author that Wanda had recommended. You had been sat at one of the desks marking some exam papers, hair pulled up into a messy bun, glasses perched on the end of your nose. He had been so distracted by the cute face you were pulling that he dropped the book he was pulling from the shelf, the noise when it hit the wooden floor had made you jump. “Shit” Bucky had said rather loudly making you look around to find the source of the interruption. He had grimaced as your eyes met and shrugged apologetically.  You had just smiled and returned to marking your papers.

He had lingered in the library far longer than normal until the librarian announced the library was closing. Bucky looked around to see where you were but to his surprise you weren’t there. “Hey” he spun around to see you stood next to him, as grin spreading across your face.  “Um hi.” You plucked the book he had and inspected it carefully. “That’s a good one. If you like it then you should read the Jack Reacher books. All about an ex-military bloke with a lizard brain. Everywhere he goes so does trouble.” Bucky hadn’t really known what book he had in his hand, it had been more of a cover for him so he could stay at catch a few glimpses of you without seeming too suspicious. “Thanks, I will bear that in mind …” He gestured at you “Y/N” you added and offered him your free hand which he shook, trying to ignore the feeling spreading through his body as his skin touched yours for the first time. “Bucky” You shot him a quizzical look. “Unusual name?” He took the book from you now and shoved it back onto the shelf. “Well it’s from my middle name Buchannan.” Bucky scratched the back of his neck “Don’t suppose you want to grab a coffee on the way out? You can tell me more about the lizard brain.” You chuckled but agreed. From there you had sat in the park for a couple of hours talking about your lives. Bucky glossed over the details of his past but you knew a little bit about it from the news, not that it bothered you. He was sweet, kind and had the ability to make you feel like you had the most interesting life, even though as a teacher you really didn’t. He laughed at the stories you told him and before you knew it you had wondered to a little bistro and had dinner with each other. He had then walked you back to your apartment and you arranged an official first date for the following evening.

Bucky kept his life with you separate from the avengers. You could understand it really, it was a completely different world. He promised to introduce you to Steve and Sam at some point but every time you tried to invite them around for dinner Bucky always made an excuse. It made you feel like he was ashamed of you. Both of you had busy schedules, he had missions and you had a full-time teaching job. But you found a way to make it work. You gave him a key to your place which meant that most nights when you got in Bucky was waiting for you. It was the evenings you spent curled up against him on the couch, chatting about the events of the day that made the relationship work. That precious time where neither of you worried about anything and just took comfort in being around each other. There were other ways that you found comfort as well. Bucky worshipped your body, which you normally hid behind ripped mom jeans and loose cable knit sweaters. But he knew what you were hiding and he just couldn’t get enough of you. That feeling was mutual, dating a man injected with super serum definitely had its benefits. You weren’t with the man for his body but you definitely weren’t going to complain. Bucky could have been sculpted by an artist who envisaged the perfect human man; hard muscular planes, thick powerful legs and the metal arm, whilst probably not imagined by Michelangelo, only added to his appeal.

Everything had been going well until a couple of weeks ago. He had mentioned a party that Tony Stark was throwing that he had to attend, you had half expected him to ask you to go with him, knowing how much he hated big gatherings. But he didn’t. Instead he left you to spend the evening by yourself and rocked up at 3 in the morning, slightly drunk from some Asgardian drink, smelling of perfume and with his face covered in bright red lipstick. That night you had your first major fight followed by the best make up sex of your life. Despite all of this there was part of you that had begun to doubt whether you were enough for Bucky. You weren’t some super fit model-like woman, you were average, run of the mill normal.

The following week Bucky had taken you out for meal and the whole night you watched as his eyes followed the waitress’s ass around the room and on the walk home how he had turned as some drunk scantily clad women stumbled down the street. This was the final straw. The fight when you had got home was worse than the last. Then it was over, Bucky was gone and you were on your own again. He hadn’t fought to keep you and despite the love you held for him it wasn’t enough.

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At first when you heard the noises coming from your kitchen you panicked but then your remembered. Bucky. You silently slipped into the bathroom and splashed your face with cold water, and pulled your hair into a high pony before going to face him. In the morning light you got a better look at him; there were deep purple marks below his eyes, the scruff of a newly formed beard and the tension in his shoulder made it evident that he was stressed. He was stood in his boxers and the shirt he had been wearing last night loose around his torso. You went at sat at the breakfast bar and he gave you a half apologetic smile. “Sorry about last night, I just needed to see you, be near you. I don’t know how to exist without you, I can’t sleep. I’m just lost.” A small groan escaped your lips, the fight you had in you last night was rapidly disappearing. You missed Bucky. It wasn’t difficult to fall in love with him but it sure was difficult to fall out of love with him. “Buck, I went through this. You’re clearly ashamed of me. You wouldn’t introduce me to your friends and when we went out you couldn’t keep your eyes to yourself.” Bucky put down the batter mix he had been whisking and looked at you. “Y/N I didn’t take you to that party because I knew there would be a hundred pricks there who wouldn’t have been able to take their eyes off you. I didn’t want you to realise what a jealous shit I really am.” Bucky raised his hand at you when you started to interrupt. “No, I need to finish. At the restaurant the other week you thought I was following the waitress around well what I was really looking at were the arseholes at the bar that kept eyeing you up, especially when you got up to go the toilet. Their eyes were glue to your arse, not that I can blame them, but they had no right to objectify you like that.” Your eyebrows knitted together in concentration as you tried to think back to that night. “What about the girls on the street?” Now it was Bucky’s turn to be confused. “What girls?” You scoffed “The ones who walked by with their tits out and their dressed practically showing of their you know...” Bucky let out a frustrated sigh. “Y/N I didn’t even see them, it was the two drunk blokes behind us, I could hear them saying things about you. I swear, I only turned to scare them off.”

Could you have really got it that wrong. Had your own jealously really made you that paranoid. “Even if all of that is true Buck, why wouldn’t you let me meet Steve or Sam?” Bucky made his way around the counter so that he was stood in front of you. “Look Y/N” he said taking your hand in his “I want you for myself, I thought introducing you to them would make you realise you could do so much better than me. There is stuff in my past I’m not proud of ok, they’re much better guys than I am. I just didn’t want to lose you.” You reached out and caressed his cheek with your free hand “I know about your past Ok? As far as I am concerned none of that matters, it’s who you are now that I care about. You’re the man I fell in love with.” Bucky placed his hand on yours and tilted his head to find your eyes. “I love you Y/N, I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right. I want you, and nothing else will do.” You rested your forehead against his “Promise me that you will get it out of your head that you’re not good enough for me. I get to make that decision, I’m not going to leave you and in return I’ll reign in my jealousy and trust you more.” Bucky pulled back, searched your eyes and realised you meant every word. “I promise Y/N. I was thinking I know it’s a bit soon but do you want to stay at my place next weekend? You can meet everyone.” You smiled brightly at him “I would love that Buck.” His head dipped as he captured your lips with his, his hands moving to the back of your head holding you against him. You groaned at the gesture and felt your arousal beginning to pool. It had been a very long two weeks and you had missed the feeling that only Bucky could create. Bucky moaned against your mouth as your lips parted allowing access, your tongues dancing around as you became reacquainted.

Bucky pressed his knee between your legs, allowing him step between them. Your arms wrapped around the back of his neck and his fell to your hips as he lifted you, your legs circled around his waist. He carried you across the room to the bed without breaking the kiss, your now wet clothed core rubbing against his hardening member. Bucky dropped you carefully onto the bed and was on top of you in a second, his lips crashing to yours once again. You wriggled your hips against his wanting him to get the hint. “Bucky please” you whined against his lips. He chuckled as his mouth trailed down your neck and he nipped teasingly at the sensitive skin there before sucking at the junction just above your collar bone. Your fingers ran across his chest and began pushing off his shirt, he got the idea, pulling away from your briefly to remove it before turning his attention to the t-shirt you were wearing. “I was wondering where that had got to” he murmured as he lifted the fabric of his red henley up revealing a small strip of skin just above your lace panties. He placed butterfly kisses along the newly exposed skin as his hands continued their journey underneath, tracing the outline of your breasts. “It still smelt of you” you breathed as his thumbs teased patterns over your taut nipples. You sat up slightly so Bucky could pull the t-shirt up over your head. “Looks better on you anyway doll.”

Bucky looked down appreciatively at you, the blue in his eyes barely visible as his pupils were blown. “So fucking gorgeous” You smiled up at him and let your hand trace up the defined muscles of his abdomen, up across his chest to his shoulders where you pulled him down to you crashing his lips to yours. The kiss was all teeth, one of desperation. Your fingernails dug into Bucky’s back keeping him close to you, his hand finding your breasts once again where he kneaded at the soft flesh before rolling your nipples between his fingers, making you gasp into his mouth. His lips left yours as he trails hot wet kisses down your body, stopping to pay particular attention to your breasts before continuing their journey downwards. Your fingers wind into his hair as his lips press against your clothed bundle of nerves making your hips buck. Bucky continues to tease you, his fingers exploring everywhere other than where you wanted them, his teeth graze over the top of your panties. You whine as the heat in your lower belly starts becoming too much. “Bucky, I want you. Please.” The need in your voice nearly makes him come on the spot but he wants to do this properly, these two weeks have been hell without you. “I’m getting there doll, gonna to make you feel so good.” Bucky sits up so that he can remove the last barrier from your body, his cock twitches in his boxers as he looks down on you and decides that he can’t wait any longer. He tears the lace from your body. Normally you would have been annoyed at him for that but your desire has over taken any rational thought. He removes his own underwear before attaching his mouth suddenly to your clit. You scream at the contact as you writhe underneath him. Bucky holds your hips down with his hands as his tongue licks at the juices that have already collected at your apex. He hums at the taste, the vibration coursing through your whole body. Your fingernails dig into his scalp, holding him in place, as his tongue enters you, twisting and thrusting leaving you so close to the edge, his nose bumping your clit as he continues his assault. He removes his tongue and before you can cry at the loss of contact his mouth is back on your clit, sucking at it harshly until your cry out his name and a string of curses, the knot in your stomach finally bursting. Bucky keeps his mouth on you as you ride out your high, the final waves of pleasure still pulsing through your body as he makes his way up to your mouth. You can taste yourself on his lips making you groan, his tongue gliding over yours.

Deciding you want more control, you manoeuvre yourself so that Bucky is underneath you whilst you straddle his hips. You grind against him slowly, your slick coating his member. A small hiss escapes his mouth and closes his eyes as you pick up the pace, your hands falling to his chest for support. “Fuck doll” Bucky’s hands tighten around your hips as he helps guide your movements. “I need you Y/N” he pants as you reach down between you taking his member and positioning him before you sink down onto him. You stay still for a few moments giving yourself time to adjust before you slowly begin you rock your hips. Bucky’s hands are all over you, pinching your nipples, traveling over your back before inserting two fingers into your mouth. You moan around Bucky’s fingers as your hips pick up speed, the heat in your belly building. “Shit doll” Bucky can’t help but thrust his own hips up, matching your moments. He removed his fingers and sits you both up so he can get deeper into you. The new angle makes you cry out. Your hands weave into his hair as you cling onto him for support as you head tilts back, Bucky places wet open mouth kissed to your exposed neck. His hand travels down between you as he circles your clit. He growls as he feels you walls flutter against him. His mouth finds yours again, teeth and tongue colliding. Both of you are panting now with the exertion. The room filled only with noise of your ragged breathing and the lewd sounds of skins slapping against skin. “Come on Y/N, I’m so close. Come with me Doll” he gasps against your lips. His words and the friction he is creating again your clit is enough to pull you over the edge. His name comes out almost like a broken sob as your orgasm rips through you, your fingernails digging into Bucky’s back to keep you grounded. As your walls tighten around Bucky, his thrusts become more erratic as he chases his releases. He shouts as he spills inside you with a final couple of thrusts. Both of you cling to each other, Bucky’s mouth ghosting along your sweat covered neck and along your collar bone before he gently bites on your shoulder as he tries to catch his breath. Your own forehead is pressed to Bucky’s shoulder, one hand curled around the back of his neck and the other running up and down his muscular back.

Bucky pulled you with him as he laid back against the bed. Your body resting on top of his still connected at your most private parts. “Mmmm I’ve missed this” you hummed against his chest, your fingers gently tracing the scars where metal joined flesh. Bucky leant down and placed a kiss to the top of your head. “I’ve missed you.” He whispered just loud enough so that you could hear him. Your hips wiggled slightly as you readjusted yourself so you could kiss up his neck and jaw before pressing your lips to his once more. You nipped and sucked on his bottom lip making him groan. His cock hardening again in side you. “Already Sergeant?” You teased. Bucky growled. “Damn straight doll” he replied before flipping you underneath him, his kiss urgent and all consuming, so much so it left you breathless. Bucky pulled back to let you catch your breath.  “I love you.” Bucky whispered softly as his hand traced over your cheekbone. “Love you too Bucky.” You placed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Now show me how much you really want me Sergeant.” Bucky’s eyes darkened immediately. “You many regret that Y/N.” You giggled before letting out a little squeal as Bucky began moving his hips again. “Doll your gonna feel just how much I want you for days.”

Taglist is open so let me know if you want in

Taglist: @stargazingfangirl18 ,  @silentcoyotesong, @queenofstarliqht​, @buckys-henley​, @lonelyheartsm​ @alexa-lightwood-blog​

[animeraider]

My Kevin Gilbert Story, and my latest single.

As some of you know I’ve had a few brushes with the “big break” that many in my line of work crave. I was signed to a major label in the early 1990s, and the record I turned in was shelved. The label wanted me to be the “next Michael Penn” and by that point not even Mr. Penn was interested in that, let alone me. I had three songs picked up for a movie, which was never released. I got out of my record contract and signed with another label, releasing an album that included 5 songs from the one that was shelved. The label put no money behind it. I had a big hit in 2009 and signed a European distribution deal, which fell apart when the married couple who ran the business fell into a messy divorce. I sold thousands and thousands of records in Eastern Europe – which were being sold by pirates. It took several years to get that fixed.

I had an audition that everyone felt I was a lock for to play keyboards for a Japanese band that had a huge following. My flight to the audition was supposed to be September 12, 2001. I actually watched the plane I was supposed to board land as it was the last flight grounded. I’ve done some engineering and performing I don’t get to tell anyone about – the NDA’s are pretty strong. One of my songs became the theme to a German Television show.

But let me tell you the story of a relationship I almost had with a multi-Grammy-winning star who soared high and made it further than I have, whose song I have made a cover of and released as a single today.

So where to begin. First of all, yes, I knew Kevin Gilbert. No, we weren’t friends, but we were colleagues and classmates. We performed together a few times – all of if school related. That’s it. Oh, and he invited me to a jam session he was going to have once and I turned him down. I’ll get to that.

Believe it or not, I have to tell this story starting in the middle. There was once a band called Toy Matinee. I loved that band. Clever songs, well written melodies, a sense of darkness and a sense of fun. It was a band that me and my roommate Max could agree on and we cranked that album loud and often. We went and saw them live at the Troubadour in Los Angeles, and were about 10 feet from the stage. This is NOT the live album released in 1999, but I can tell you they rocked the place that night. Played almost every song from the album, and did an encore of Elton John’s “Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding” that smoked.

A great night.

Now I jump into the past, to tell the tale of the UCLA Synthesizer Ensemble. It was the brainchild of Professor Roger Bourland, who at the time was only in his 2nd year as a professor at the school and would later become dean of the department. He searched out the most rock and roll musicians in what was mostly a stuffy classical music department. Me. Dave Koz. Joel Harnel. And this kid named Kevin. The five of us took another student’s source material and arranged up a musical. Straight musical theater and full of schlock, and all performed on synthesizers. We eventually put on four shows, with the five of us in the orchestra pit. I wrote the show-stopper ballad and a Latin inspired piece. I hate to say it, but I no longer remember what everyone else did, although I remember Dave mostly for his EWI playing and Joel for multiple reasons – including the fact that he wrote and arranged all of the drum parts.

I knew Joel fairly well – we had played together a few times and he was even more rock and roll than me, with more experience. Dave Koz was, even then, Dave Koz. The only saxophonist I had met up to that point in my life who was better than me. We had played in jazz bands together but he was already a rising star. When he beat me for the gig with Richard Marx’s touring band his career just took off – but all this was before then. I was one of Roger Bourland’s students – in fact, I had been in the “test” classroom when he had auditioned for his job.

I barely knew this Kevin kid. I was constantly getting his name wrong – for whatever reason my brain had him wired as Kevin Anderson.

My only real interaction with him outside of this 12-week experiment was down in the practice rooms. Many of these rooms had pianos in them and on any given day you could hear Mozart, Brahms, Chopin and all of the other usual suspects. I would go and write my own material and be pounding out rock and roll. Kevin did that too. Once while in the middle of the writing process for the musical he came into my practice room while I was working on a song in the style of Elton John. He invited me to a jam session the next Tuesday he was going to, and I declined. Tuesday was when MY band practiced, and as their lead guitarist I needed the practice.

That was the end of it. After the musical was over we all drifted our separate ways and for the most part didn’t run into each other again. I ran into Dave once at a music festival in San Francisco and he introduced me to Clarence Clemmons, which was pretty damned cool.

By now you’ve figured out that Kevin was Kevin Gilbert. Congratulations. I hadn’t. For many years to follow I would remember him as Kevin Anderson.

Now I’ve told you all of this so that you understand that this is long BEFORE Max and I went to see Toy Matinee in concert. I became a fan of the band without knowing that Kevin was its leader. I was ten feet away from him, performing for an hour. I had performed with him myself.

I didn’t recognize him. Nothing clicked in my brain that this was the same guy. I didn’t put two and two together. I rolled for my intelligence check and got a one.

Kevin Gilbert would go on to a solo career, win seven Grammys for his work with Madonna, be part of the driving musical force behind Sheryl Crow’s first album, become one of the founders of the Tuesday Night Music Club, and become one of my songwriting heroes. The man could paint a picture with very few words and his musical ability was enviable.

And then he died; a victim of his own vices. I’m not going to go into that here – I know nothing at all and can shed no light on the subject.

Several years later I relocated to San Francisco with my family. I discovered the band Giraffe once I was on their home turf, and of course discovered the fact that Kevin Gilbert had been their leader when he was a teenager. BEFORE I knew him. Giraffe was a pretty damned good band that had come so startlingly close to making it big – their albums are worth hunting down and they did a fantastic live rendition of Genesis’ “Lamb Lies Down on Broadway” (the full album mind you) that is lots of fun.

I was looking for a recording studio for my second album when I ran across a man named Steve Smith who owned a recording studio down the peninsula from where I was living. In his bio, he briefly mentioned that he was the drummer for Giraffe. Awesome. On his web site of the time if you dug in a little bit there was a bio of Kevin Gilbert, and he talked about the brief time he spent at UCLA.

Parts of the story looked and felt awfully familiar to me. Smith talked about the musical without mentioning the name, and again, it felt familiar. Me being slightly brave, I wrote an e-mail to him to ask what was the title of that musical and that I might have been involved in it. He confirmed it for me.

Holy crap.

All of the pieces started falling into place then. The rehearsals, our discussions about piano playing, that I went to one of his shows and failed to recognize him? The fact that I think he invited me to come join the FUCKING TUESDAY NIGHT MUSIC CLUB and I didn’t even fucking notice!?!!?!!?!!?

I’m an idiot.

Actually, in looking back at the timeline I don’t think he invited me to join TNMC. That came a couple of years later – I think. I’m never going to know for certain. If he had told any of the other members I don’t know about it. I’ve exchanged about a dozen words with one of the other members over social media but we certainly don’t know one another.

I wonder if he saw me in the audience that night and laughed. I will never know. I can tell you there is an album version of that night you can listen to and/or buy. A then-unknown Sheryl Crow played keyboards in the band, dressed up like a dominatrix biker chick. When I found out about that later I was amazed – I didn’t recognize her either.

I’m an idiot.

Nick D’Virgilio of Spock’s Beard played drums. I don’t remember the name of the bass player but what I remember is this man with the thickest eyebrows I have ever seen in my life. Marc Bonilla played lead guitar. Oh, the people I could have met.

I never did work in Steve Smith’s studio. I no longer remember why.

When I was working on my third album in my newly built home studio I recorded a number of covers and one of those was Kevin Gilbert’s “Tea For One”. It’s a fantastic song of unrequited love and missed chances told from start to finish in only a few dozen words. I have no idea if he would have liked what I did to his song – he had a wicked sense of humor that I can recall now but I never got to know him on a personal level as a songwriter, which was my mistake. I could have but I was so focused on myself in those days that even if the overtures were made I probably didn’t even notice.

I recorded the song in what I called "Garage Pop" during those days. A bit uneven, imperfect vocals - what you might get from a band practicing in their garage instead of a polished studio version. If you want that, I recommend hunting down his version.

But I recorded “Tea for One” just the same – it’s a great song and I’d like to think I gave it some justice – even if it doesn’t come close his version. It was on the original version of my third album "The Long Goodbye", which I released myself, but was cut when the album was moved to digital streaming services (In all fairness, I cut 21 songs from the original release – which was a 2 CD set).

My music career has been dark for several years, but it got jump started in 2020 in the middle of the pandemic and I’ve been revisiting a lot of my unreleased work since, and of all the covers I did this is still my favorite. I am releasing it now, in tribute to a musician I admire and could have called friend if I had just paid a bit of attention.

The guy holding the roses was me, as it turns out. I had no idea.

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For those of you with very long memories you should listen to the full single on Spotify, because I’ve thrown in a little bonus for people who remember the 1980’s band ASK. Just a little piece of a little ditty written by me, Kevin Donville and Ed Lee.