#i think i could talk about the implications of it for actual physical hours

[hellverse]

“i’d rather have you, cursed or not” was such a banger line from dean

[aphroditesmoon]

Heyy I love your Clarisse work!!! Can I get a Clarisse being protective over fem reader when Percy Jackson arrives and he tries to talk to us? Thank you!!!!

back to you

clarisse la rue x fem!demigod!reader

warnings: ep2 spoilers, protective clarisse, kissing.

a/n: thank you for reading n enjoying my clarisse fic! I hope this is to ur liking<3

wc: 1.7k

---

The new kid was lost. That much was easy to tell. He had been clamied as Poseidon's son, and yet no one had the thought of actually directing him to his new cabin.

You've been watching him from the corner of your eyes as you help fix your cabin siblings' stance for a spar. He's been walking back and forth in circles like an abandoned kitten. It was honestly amusing to watch.

It was about 2 minutes later when you hear his footsteps nearing you and turned ariund to meet the boy's face. "Hey." He greeted breathily like he's been running a marathon.

"Fish boy." You responded, making him frown. "Um, I'm actually- never mind, I was wondering if you uh, know where the Poseidon cabin is?" You cross your arms and studied the confusion on his face. "Did Chiron not show you?"

"He did, I just, forgot?" Of course he did. "I'll show you, come on." You walk past him to where his cabin is at, the whole map of this camp is engraved in your mind.

"It's really not that far." You tell him as you kept moving. You had to slow down a bit when you remember he's carrying his bags with him.

Percy Jackson looks less threatening to you now than he did before. It's almosf hard to believe that this is the same kid who destroyed a minotaur and broke Clarisse's spear. He was just a boy, and not even a mean or bratty one.

How is it that Mr. D and Chiron both founded it totally fine to let this 12 year old boy live in an empty cabin alone is beyond you, but that's not your problem to think about.

He's quicker on his feet than you expected and asked questions less stupid that others have.

"There shouldn't be a curfew if I'm the only one here, right?" He ask as he drops his bag on the floor by the bed. You watch him from the door, leaning against the frame. "I mean, technically, I'm head of the cabin."

Your brows raised at that. "I don't think that's how it works."

"The curfew is probably the same as any other cabin's curfew, though like you said, it's not like there's anyone else to tell you when to go to bed here." He gets the implication you're making. You weren't going to tell him that he could go around and do as he likes, but he could actually do it if he wanted to. There's not much supervision here.

You turn on the lights from where you're at, the switch button being on the wall by the entrance. The walls of the place were blue and white, it seems more well kept than the other cabins. How disappointing that he wouldn't have anyone to share the space with.

Percy had stood up from his bed to walk over to you to say his thanks when the both of you were interrupted by a familiar voice. He flinched at Clarisse's presence. But you, as surprised as you are, is used to her sneaking up from behind.

"What does this punk want with you?" She questions boldly. You spin around to find her a few steps away from you. Percy physically shivered, walking deeper into the cabin. "I was just asking her for directions." He explained before you could.

She's looking him up and down like predators do to their preys with a demonic glare in her eyes. It's been less than 12 hours since he broke her spear. And losing dessert privileges and her spear wasn't exactly a recipe to making Clarisse happy.

You pat her shoulder with your hand, in which she quickly shrugged off as she steps closer to the cabin, standing next to you and eyeing Percy suspiciously. "You expect me to believe that no one else has shown you the direction here."

"I forgot." He spoke at the same time as you told her, "Clarisse, he forgot."

“Forgot?” Clarisse turns her gaze from him to you and then back to him with a frown. "Well, you've already led him here, haven't you?" You gave her a look that says 'can you not?' She easily ignores your meaning of course, glaring at the boy again.

"Yes, I have. So I'll go now, come on Clarisse." You announced loudly, pulling your girlfriend by her arm to leave Percy alone.

She remains unmoving at first, sizing up Percy, until you tugged at her arm again, calling out her name. “Clarisse, please. Let's just go back to training.” Finally giving in, she lets you drag ger away from the blonde boy. You could almost hear the sigh of relief leave his body.

"Thanks for the help-" you hear the fish boy shout from behind hesitantly.

"Absolute brat." Clarisse mutters under his breath once the two of you are away from him. "He was just asking for help." You felt the need to defend him.

She put her right arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer to her as she scoff at your words. "Great, you're already siding with him after what he's done to me. Really? Are we forgetting that he broke my spear?"

You did chase him around with it like a lunatic, you thought of telling her. But you knew better than to upset her even more.

"I'm always on your side, you know that." You replied gently instead, letting your own arm wrap around her waist as the two of you make it back to the training grounds.

"Good, you're the only one I want on my team, so that better be the last time I see you around him" You smiled at that and leaned closer to her face to place a peck on her cheeks before other people could see you two coming over. "Yes, ma'am." You teased her.

She pulls your face back to hers before you could fullt pull away and kisses you harder, cupping your cheek with her free hand, uncaring of anyone's eyes on you.

[the-most-faithful]

Agatha All Along 1x05

Ok let's talk about episode 5 of Agatha All Along first thing, WHY ARE THE EPISODES SO FUCKING SHORT??? I physically need at least an hour long episodes.

I was surprised that Agatha's trial has already happened, I almost assumed it would be the last one but it actually feels more realistic this way and it has created a rift in the coven. I'm not really clear on what the purpose of the trial is though. I mean the other two involved the whole coven who would have been saved by collaborating, while this one seems to only serve to abandon Agatha as her mother wants. Was it perhaps a trial to show that the coven needs to learn to trust and not abandon Agatha? It seems a bit strange to me. If they had actually left her would they have failed the trial? Was that the point?

The fact that Rio defends her from her mother after she suggests slitting Agatha's throat is fantastic. In addition to perfectly representing the trope: "No one can hurt you but me" has a deeper implication. By now it is almost confirmed who Rio really is, the fact that she wants to kill Agatha with that peace of mind has no evil in itself, she wants to "collect" her, if you know what I mean. Leaving her to her mother instead would mean condemning her, which Rio does not want to do.

Alice, my little angel, we will miss you. She was the only one who actively tried to save Agatha, even if to be fair even Teen was opposed to abandoning her. Here Agatha was really out of control, she did NOT hurt Alice on purpose but everyone, given her reputation, believes she is guilty. Nothing that really surprises me, but what hurt me was seeing Teen who turned against her so quickly. Sure it is credible, he was becoming fond of Alice who defended him and helped him, but damn after the connection he made with Agatha in the last episode this really hurt. Great point also showing how she has distanced herself a bit from Teen emotionally, it's small details, but it's perfectly in her way of protecting herself emotionally.

When Teen then mentioned Nicholas' name I literally screamed, not to mention the voice of the child begging the mother to stop. Agatha's reaction was incredible, she stopped instantly and turned around as if she expected to see her child. When she realized what she had done she made a move to approach Alice and here I'm sure she wanted to check if she could help her, but Teen pushed her away angrily and this shook her (and I was about to cry)

Rio in the last part seems to have disappeared, I think she was taking care of Alice's body.

And BOOOM the bomb was dropped with "you look like your mother" We all knew who Teen really was, yes I hoped until the very end that it was Nicholas.

But to be honest I rewatched the previous episodes pretending not to know the comics and theories/spoilers and I have to say that I'm pretty sure that the writers structured the series with the intent of making viewers believe that Teen was Nick and in their mind this was supposed to be the Plot Twist. It all makes sense, it's us fans who "ruined" the surprise.

So yes Teen is Billy, now we just have to figure out how, will they keep the story from the comics or change it? But above all HOW DID AGATHA UNDERSTAND THIS?? In the previous episode she said "you don't need to know a person's name to know who he is" I thought it was a way to reassure Teen and maybe unconsciously to show the hope that he was her son but now I doubt this. Did she guess it was Billy? How? And how can I wait another week? I repeat these episodes are too short.

[philsmeatylegss]

Can I talk about Cat King because no one else will???

I haven’t finished the show yet so this might be wrong or age like milk

I could talk about his role in the story for hours. Tbh I overly identify with Edwin because I’m gay with a lot of problems in the past and Edwin’s historical typical internalized homophobia already makes a history nerd like me giddy with glee. And Cat King easily can be written off as a gag character, which I do think is part of his purpose, but he also represents the aspect of this story regarding Edwin’s sexuality not solely being sexual, but also still being sexual. As in obviously Edwin sexually fantasizes about men, but there’s much more than just that. That implication, acknowledging the fact, feeling free to tell Charles and the others, acting on that, just day to day life. Edwin had gotten by for thirty years ignoring his sexuality until cat king came along. Edwin acknowledging his sexuality, acting on it, and discussing it (in his own way) is a large part of his character growth which is fully pushed on because of Cat King. I know he’s supposed to be the bad guy, but I genuinely believe he is an anti hero or something along those lines. I think at first it was to just tease Edwin, but it grew into something deeper.

Don’t even get me started on the cuff. It is SO symbolic I could almost cry. It’s a physical representation of how limiting and claustrophobic it is to be in the closet. Specially not being out of the closet to close loved ones. You couldn’t have a closer relationship than the relationship between Edwin and Charles, but it doesn’t seem that way before Edwin comes out. And that’s multiple reasons on both of their parts, but part of it is that complete shut down to that side of himself. People don’t realize how much sexuality plays into day to day life. And Cat King made Edwin realize how much he’s missed out on. And also that he can’t put off his problems forever. Slay relatable.

I think the addition of Crystal and Niko also makes Edwin realize that he needs to at least recognize his sexuality. I think they help him realize how much he is missing out on by not being himself in general, nevertheless outing his sexuality.

And all of this goes back to the cat king!!! It drives me insane no one talks about it!!! There’s also the aspect that, on the surface, cat king is just supposed to represent lust. The difference between his feelings for Monty or Charles is that there’s emotions there while cat king is purely lust and a giggle. But when you think about the story, that’s just not true. When media deals with a character’s sexuality not being straight, it’s usually over sexualized or not acknowledged as anything sexual. Cat king gives that balance to his feelings for Charles. Because being gay is partly explicit. As is being straight, bi, pan, whatever (other than asexuality). Saying you are ___ sexuality is implying that you are sexually aroused by whatever gender(s). And cat king is that reminder while Charles and Monty are the reminder that love and relationships are also part of it. Cat king adds balance that makes Edwin’s character feel way more authentic and actually gay.

I haven’t even gotten to cat king pushing for Edwin to admit why he solves cases. WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT IT?!?! I was gnawing at the bars of my enclosure during that scene. It is arguably one of the most important scenes of the entire show. And it’s entirely brought on my cat king. Every single time Edwin either decides or is forced to reveal something vulnerable about himself, it’s Cat King!!!! Edwin’s confession that it is about preparing a justification as to how he should be allowed into heaven even though he is gay is such an insanely important moment and I’m gnawing at my enclosure again!!!

I may be studying history, but I’ve always been an English kid at heart and symbolism about religion and childhood trauma brings me to my knees. And Cat King is scratching an itch I’ve had for years that I had no clue was there anD NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT WHILE IT IS DRIVING ME BANANAS.

Anyway, that’s my case for talking about cat king. I just finished episode 4 and it’s gonna be really embarrassing when something happens the next few episodes that completely invalidates all of this

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP,

I really enjoy your blog and your level-headedness when it comes to everything surrounding BTS and Jikook. You often post really good takes and answer asks quite comprehensively.

Which is why I'm sending my ask to you regarding that short clip of Jikook at the airport during the baghug.

First off: Jimin seemed to really need that hug, it seems, because he (a) seemed a bit subdued during the walking-in part and (b) ge literally barrelled into Jungkook. There was impact made even tho JK was barely bothered. Maybe that interpretation of desperation instead of affection is what makes me a bit sad about my observation.

That JK did indeed remove Jimin. It's not like similar situations when JK was still a teen - it was rather gentle. From another angle, it looked like Jikook both moved at the same time after that talk with their bodyguard. A simple "okay, now it's time for travel business" motion.

I don't even know why this makes me think so much? Why I circle back to the fact that it wasn't entirely wanted which is apso not true, since JK was going along for the majority of the clip. Even swaying. Especially when we know Jikook are just as close as they've always been. I don't think the physical separation during their individual album releases hurt them, they're too good of friends for that. There are bonds in your life, nothing but an actual intense disagreement can ruin. And didn't we still get Kookie flirting with Jimin, and Jimin joining his golden concert?

I think, whatever they're up to in Tokyo, it will give them a lot of time to spend together. Off-line. Recuperating.

----

I read somewhere that In The Soop was kind of conceptualised to counteract a drifting apart of the members during the pandemic. Maybe Jikook and Hybe came to the conclusion, that with their schedules being what they are, producing a show would be the perfect cover-up for spending time together with the added benefit of having enlistment content. If that's the case, it makes it doubly...interesting let's say, that it's not all four or just the Maknaes or any other combination going places. That no other member has been mentioned in connection to this.

*

Ask 2:

Idk if this will make sense, I'm the somewhat insecure ask from a few hours ago. Panicking about that dumb airport clip.

Well. I'm not anymore.

Because Jikook are allegedly headed to Sapporo (spelling might be wrong, sorry). The more we learn - even in snippets - about this trip, the more fuzzy my heart feels. Happy, even.

They went to Tokyo as close as they could probably manage to their last trip there, aka the GCF Tokyo anniversary. That last time was a "REAL LOVE" declaration during a time neither were in a really good place. Tokyo was an escape removed from the worries of their life and fame. A snow globe of happiness, you can shake every time your demons get to you. A gift from one person seeing the one always taking care of them falling apart, and deciding to take the weight of their shoulders. It's so fucking beautiful.

And now, after a year of emotional turmoil with their hyungs enlisting, of the physical separation that releasing two incredibly important albums brings, of duties and barely any breaks. Now they go back to Tokyo and Japan just before they have to enlist.

None of this is a coincidence.

To add to that Sapporo. Where it's snowing now. The implications for Jikook are big. We know Jimin loves snow, that JK knows that as much as we do, that watching the first snow together is a superstition for Korean couples. And now Jikook are there, in the first major Japanese city legalising same sex marriage - the city of love. While JK wore a rLOVElution hoodie, a line being dedicated to lgbtqia+ acceptance, just like during his NY outing with Jimin.

I could criticise everyone villifying their bond here, but now I don't want to anymore. Just look at what Jimin and Jungkook get to experience, even if only for a little time, and tell me that it's not the most beautiful thing.

The person having "please love me" tattooed on his body and the person singing "just let me love you". Serendipity and Euphoria. Black and White. Sun and Moon. Poets would weep cause they couldn't write a love this beautiful.

***

Anon,

After you sent in the first ask I started drafting my reply to you (pasted below the asterisk) but left the draft unfinished because I had life to attend to. Then you sent in the second ask, and what you've said in this second ask is so beautiful, I don't want to ruin it with my pontificating. So I'll leave my draft unfinished (I think you eventually answer in the 2nd ask what you're asking in the 1st).

Regardless of anything, jikook have a real connection, a real relationship, and a real history. What exactly that looks like I don't know, but I do know whatever it is, it's real.

*

Draft:

“I read somewhere that In The Soop was kind of conceptualised to counteract a drifting apart of the members during the pandemic. Maybe Jikook and Hybe came to the conclusion, that with their schedules being what they are, producing a show would be the perfect cover-up for spending time together with the added benefit of having enlistment content.”

Let's not dismiss this right away, because there’s a possibility you're right and this could be true. But I don't see any of this, in my opinion. I don't think this Japan trip is arranged by the company because they're drifting apart, though I agree it's being made for content to keep parts of the fandom engaged. My counterpoint to that though is that if BigHit really was making this just for greenbacks, it would've made more sense for this to be a taekook trip and not jikook - given taekookers are the largest and oldest shippers in the fandom, and this would've been an easy way for BigHit to capitalize on the recent bromance we've seen from them in chapter 2. But it's jikook, and there could be many reasons for why, maybe sometime down the road Tae joins them or we get a similar show with him, but right now, with everything that's led up to now, the easiest explanation for why jikook are going on this trip is because they want to.

And that's good enough for me.

[kimberlyannharts]

Ranger Academy is finishing next week, and I'm starting to prep for my big review of the series - and that means a new batch of comic notes! (at least up until #10, as I already did notes for that issue and #11.) And first up is the intro story from the 30th anniversary book, Office Hours.

= I do think this is a decent intro to the world of Ranger Academy - while we don't set up anything about the actual protagonists of the series or the Green Ranger plot, it sets up the cameos of the alumni Rangers (aka the characters we're familiar with to ease the transition) and preps you for having to handwave a lot of the space/time weirdness of the school itself, since as of this writing we still have no clear answer as to where and when Ranger Academy takes place outside of "the future." This story specifically seems to imply that Ranger Academy is in a completely different timeline/dimension/whatever altogether, which I wish was still the case in the series proper - it still could be, but the inclusion of the cameos PHYSICALLY in the school makes things muddied.

= I feel like someone reading this intro would think Billy, or at the very least the Ranger cameos, would have a bigger part in the story, but we all know they don't. Genuinely surprised at this point that Sage never got to talk to a Ranger alumni in a one-on-one session like this.

= Though funnily enough Billy DOES have a cameo in the series proper, but noticeably older than he is in this story. I'm not sure what to think about the implications there.

= And as stated, while this does seem to be an interpretation of the future the 2016 Comic version of Billy (with the modern technology and referencing his thing with hiding his suit under his clothes) it is now thrown out of whack thanks to how Darkest Hour, published a year later, decided to portray Billy's future. I prefer this ending by far, even if the main series is probably considered more canon.

= "I had a Triceratops Dinozord!"....and a Unicorn. And a Wolf. But maybe he doesn't want the cadets to feel bad that they'll be stuck with one set of powers and one Zord their entire career

= Headmaster has more of a character here than she has in all of the series proper. She's even a little funny. If she was more like this in the main series I'd care more if she ends up dying. (Still wish I knew, like......anything about her.)

[emilinqa]

what do you think about the search for spock

LOLL thank you for asking. i wasnt expecting someone to actually send me an ask when i said that but youve opened pandoras box. so.

i think the thing about the search for spock that makes it stick in my head so bad is that in reality its like. a mid movie. its okay. it falls short in almost everything it tries to do but it hits the emotional highs and lows and looks good which means it gets by just fine. it's one of those 80s movies where you get about an hour in and realize oh okay the plot is happening. like this is it. TMP suffers a little bit in this way too but its also why i find myself thinking about it much more than the "good" movies.

the curse of tmp and tsfs that particularly riddles me is that i think they have some really interesting things going on conceptually that never come to fruition-- not necessarily at fault of the movie because they're ultimately minor and i dont really know how they would explore them in greater ways-- but that i find personally very compelling. i've said this before but i yearn for a star trek space horror movie so deeply and im not gonna punish either tmp nor tsfs for not being something they're not trying to be but i think the horror elements of both movies are really untapped in terms of fan exploration/meta/content. the spock/mccoy stuck in the same body mind meld thing is played mostly for laughs (because it is a good bit. and very funny) but honestly i find the fact it like. physically makes mccoy sick and absolutely freaks everyone the fuck out like good for haunting reasons.

THIS SCENE in particular i think hits the mark on the weird creepy aspect of mccoy being partially posessed by spocks katra

it also helps its shot and lit clearly with some horror influences in mind; the way bones is sitting creepily in the chair while spocks voice speaks through him, enshrouded in shadow, etc.. of course the movie has to split itself between the ship and what's happening on the genesis planet but i really would have loved some more of these moments where spock is Haunting the enterprise and its freaking everyone the fuck out. there is that bit later on where bones actually speaks in spocks voice on the bridge and kirk turns around like wow bones that was really cool never do that shit again that was freaky as fuck and its mostly just funny but the implication that spocks actual voice can be spoken through mccoys body is something im thinking about. really bad.

i really enjoy the ways the movie shows kirk is so deeply haunted by the death of spock (i mean, the movie opens with him saying "the death of spock is like an open wound" so.) and obviously by extension, mccoy, who is stuck with spocks literal soul in his brain the whole movie. the mind meld scene with sarek is also a really good moment which is also just shot and lit well. are you sensing a theme here. im easily swayed by pretty colors.

this in combination with the weird gross regenerative process spock's body is going through on the genesis planet is very compelling to me. i was talking to a friend about this recently and he brought up that he was imagining that spock and the genisis planet had kind of a symbiosis; that he could feel the terror and disaster of the planet even outside of the biological regeneration process his own body was going through which i thought was fascinating. especially because of all the moments during the series where spock would mind meld with a being everyone else was unable to comprehend as a life form. theres something there.

its not really explored in the movie, and really not in depth in any of the further movies, but i also think spock losing his memory after being rejoined with his body is an interesting addition to the themes of rebirth and memory. the rift created between everyone who remembers spock before and wants to allow the New Spock to be the man he wants to be, but they're ultimately haunted by the lives they all had with him before. kirk having spent a whole life with him, only to lose him, gain him back, and then have spock not really remember what they had before. kirk trying not to resent him for it, spock knowing it doesn't make sense to be hurt that kirk wants him to be something he can't, etc etc. its good stuff.

tldr they should send me back in time so i can make the 80s star trek horror movie ive always wanted.

[purgemarchlockdown]

I've been reading the t1 interrros and something about Amane's answer to the question ''Do you like yourself?'' is really contradictory with her song. She answers she never thought about it on terms of like or dislike but she thinks she is a good girl, but in her t1 song, she has lyrics like ''If only I could be a good girl'', ''even I can say ''sorry, even I can have hope'', which sounds like she hates herself or looks down on herself. Amane also doesn't seem like the type to lie, so why do you think she said that? I guessed that maybe she lied, because she was afraid of Es and when you grow up with overly controlling parents, you learn to lie on the spot from a young age. Es has physically restrained/held her in her t1 vd after all. Maybe they reminded her of her mother.

Anon this is such a Fantastic question! Though unfortunately I'm not really Sure exactly what to think of it Either...I have an interperation though...take it with a grain of salt.

First of all, I'm pretty sure Es Does remind Amane of her parents for multiple reasons. The physical restrainment for one as you pointed out but also the amount of power and control Es holds Over her. Es is a figure with power and control over her that is willing to use physical violence whenever Amane acts "unfavorably." There's a lot to it, I think it's really intriguing

Second of all: While Amane Isn't the type to lie, she isn't really Honest either.

So, the thing with Amane is that when she talks about things she tends to Around the subject then actually talking about it.

Like over here:

Amane: Okay! I’m kind, so I shall forgive you. That’s nice, isn’t it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour.

Or over here:

Amane: Furthermore, isn’t it condescending of you to assume that just because I happen to be a child, I am incapable of hating someone enough to kill them?

She isn't Lying Exactly, she's just not being direct about it. You can't Prove she killed someone because she hated them, she just said she's Capable of hating someone enough to kill them. She didn't Say her Parents were unkind, she just called Herself hind.

This is probably both a defense mechanism and also a small form of "freedom" in a sense. If she speaks in Implication then she's more likely to get away with saying certain things.

Which brings us to the question in...question.

T1Q7: Do you like yourself? A: I have never considered it from the perspective of love and hate, but I do think I am a good child.

Like- we know that Amane doesn't think she's a good girl in the sense of her cult. Heck I think she knows that it's impossible for her to be. As you said "Only if I could be a good girl." that implies that she Can't.

I think her being afraid of Es is a factor but I think there's a bit more working behind the surface here.

T2 interrogations gave us these two answers from Amane:

T2Q13: If you could be reborn, would you still choose to be yourself? A: Obviously.

T2Q20: How do you feel about you not being like everyone else? A: Nevertheless I was born as myself, so I'm happy.

There's a lot to how Amane cares about herself I think, her crime is partially self-preservation. She was going to die (or at least, she felt like she was going to die) if she didn't do anything. This was as much an act of saving herself as much as it was an act of faith.

Bringing in Cat Symbolism, judging by how Amane is the Cat and Cats in Milgram seem to be representative of desire, sin, and impurity. It hammers home the idea that Amane is inherently Wrong in some way. She was impure from the start. She's not even Human.

Yet, again, this is something Amane...likes about herself. Sure she punishes herself for being impure but she also wants to stay as Her. No matter how horrible she Really Is. There's a sense of freedom and happiness in being an Animal (which ties into her Animal cover.)

But she can't...say that, can she? Saying she loves herself is wrong because she's so sinful and horrible, saying she hates herself is wrong because it's a lie and reveals how sinful she is (What if she gets punished for that?)

So, what's the next best thing?

I am a good child.

Though again- this question turns me into mush whenever I think about it so take this interpretation with a grain of salt.

[sjsmith56]

Complicated - Day 2

Summary: A cat and mouse game between Bucky and the mafia as he tries to keep Rita safe.

Length: 3.25K

Characters: Bucky, Rita, Sam, Gudonov (Russian mobster), Markov (Russian mobster), Nick Fury.

Warnings: Violence (both used and implicated), graphic description of physical violence causing injury, Bucky having flashbacks of time as Winter Soldier, and previous Avenger mission. If you are of Russian heritage, I’m sorry for making them the villains.

Author’s note: This just keeps getting darker, and more complicated. What seemed to be Bucky going to Delacroix for a relaxing week in Day 1, is actually him looking for some calm after a harrowing mission went wrong. Hint of feelings developing between Bucky and Rita.

<<Day 1

🏍️ 🏨 🛣️

Bucky briefly left Rita on her own at the motel while he withdrew cash from his bank account at the local branch and picked up some fast food for them to eat in the room, knocking on the motel room door with a specific sequence so she knew it was him when he returned. She had showered while he was gone and was already in her night clothes. As they ate, he decided to text Sam and let him know they were at the motel, receiving an acknowledgement from him but no further word on anything else.

“Do you mind if we leave the TV on?” she asked. “I can’t stop thinking about everything and maybe the background noise will help me fall asleep.”

“Go ahead,” he said. “I’m going to take a shower and will probably go to sleep as well.”

When he came out it was after midnight and Rita seemed to be asleep. He pulled the pillow and a blanket off of his bed, then took an extra blanket from the closet to lay on the floor closer to the door. Following some grounding exercises, he fell asleep relatively quickly for him.

The sound of people talking outside roused him several hours later as he could swear he heard Russian being spoken. Slowly making a small opening in the curtains he noticed several men gathered near his motorcycle. Listening carefully, he managed to hear them talk about the woman being seen getting on a motorcycle just like his. One of them was on his cell phone and he could hear them asking whoever was on the other end to check the registration. Quickly, he picked up his cell phone and texted Sam, muting the sound on it so he wouldn’t give up his position.

Bucky: Three Russians outside the motel room door, checking out my motorcycle. One is on his cell phone. I think he has someone checking my registration.

It took a moment for Sam to respond but he seemed to be on top of it.

Sam: Standby. Alerting IT to check cell phone usage near your twenty.

Stepping towards the bed where the sleeping woman was, he placed a hand on her shoulder while gently whispering.

“Rita, wake up.” She stirred then looked groggily at him before sitting up. “We have visitors. I need you to get dressed quietly, in the dark if you can.”

Without hesitating she got out of the bed and pulled her shorts off, putting the jeans on that she wore the day before. Digging into the backpack she pulled out another T-shirt and some clean socks. Turning her back to him she pulled her sleep shirt off and put the T-shirt on then the socks, followed by her shoes. He was already dressing as well, taking care not to make any excessive noise. Then he took the blankets and pillow from the floor, tossing them on his bed. He heard his cell phone vibrate and picked it up, reading Sam’s message.

Sam: We’ve changed your motorcycle registration to be registered to your alias. IT has also managed to hack into the guy’s phone. It’s registered to a Vladimir Gudonov. They’re checking priors right now.

Bucky returned to the window, watching the three men and listening to their conversation.

“You can hear that?” asked Rita in a low voice.

“Yeah, sensitive hearing,” he replied. “They’re Russian and they’re interested in my motorcycle. Right now, they’re finding out it’s registered to a retired police officer and wondering if they want to make a move on the owner.”

“If they do?”

He looked at her worried face and smiled. “No problem. If they do, I want you to stay out of the way. Lock yourself in the bathroom. I’ll tell you when it’s safe to come out and we’ll leave immediately.”

“What if they hurt you?”

“I’ve had to fight multiple people at one time more than once,” he explained, resisting the urge to place his palm on her face. “I won’t let them get to you.”

He heard something and looked out the window again, seeing and hearing the man with the phone order the other men to find out which room the police officer was in.

“Get in the bathroom and lock the door,” ordered Bucky. “Don’t come out until I tell you.”

He took the helmets and her backpack, placing them in the bathroom. Then he opened his saddlebags that he brought in the night before and pulled out a wrapped package. Placing the saddlebags in the bathroom he gestured to her to lock it. Once he heard the lock engage, he unrolled the package on the bed, revealing a set of several knifes, two handguns, some mags and a bundle of long zip ties. He didn’t want to wake anyone if he could help it, so he left the guns in the package but pulled two knives out, placing one in each boot, then taking the remaining two and flipping them in the dark, catching them expertly before putting them in his jacket pocket. He also took several zip ties. Resuming his post at the window he calmed himself, waiting for the moment when the men approached the door.

The two who went to the motel office came back and he heard them tell the third man the room number that he and Rita were in. Waiting for them to approach the door he heard one of them lift his foot to kick the door in and opened it just before his foot connected, making the man fall face first into the doorway. Picking him up by the shoulders of his jacket he threw him at the other two men knocking them over. Grabbing the guns of the two men he hit them both in the head with the butt, knocking them out then held one of the guns to the third man’s head. That man put his hands up in surrender then tried to grab the gun. With his free hand Bucky slipped a knife out of his boot, then stabbed the man in the hand, making him swear and hesitate in his actions. Pulling the knife out he held it to the man’s throat.

“I’m much faster than you and can hurt you in many different ways,” said Bucky, in Russian.

“You don’t know who you’re up against,” replied the man, through gritted teeth.

“I was going to say the same to you,” smiled Bucky, in a way that he hoped made him look a little unhinged. “Into the room.”

Pulling the chair over from the desk, Bucky put the man into it then pulled out a couple of zip ties as he placed the knife back in his pocket.

“Don’t move,” he warned him. “I won’t hesitate to slit your throat.”

After fastening each wrist separately to the chair behind the man’s back, then doing the same to his ankles, Bucky then dragged the other two men inside and placed them on their bellies, tying their wrists together behind their backs. Pulling their belts off he tightened them around their knees then zip tied their ankles together. Only then, did he turn on the light. Bucky took his phone out and took the man’s picture, then raised the heads of the other two, taking their pictures as well, texting them to Sam.

“You speak English?” he asked.

“Yes,” was the answer, given sullenly.

“You’re Vladimir Gudonov?” asked Bucky. The man looked surprised at being identified. “I’ll take that as a yes. Why are you here?”

The man smirked. “Why are any of us here?”

Bucky slapped him, drawing blood from the man’s lip. “Start talking or I start hurting.”

Gudonov gave out an angry breath then looked to his left. “Looking for someone who stole something from us.”

Bucky slapped him again, with his left hand this time, which hurt more as Gudonov swore in Russian.

“You’re lying. Try again.”

“Looking for a woman,” he spat. “She belongs to us.”

Placing the tip of the knife at the man’s knee Bucky dragged it up Gudonov’s thigh, cutting the fabric but not cutting the skin. It came very close to the man’s crotch, and he visibly tensed.

“People are not property,” stated Bucky, in an eerily calm voice. “Why would you believe that you own her?”

“She was payment for a debt,” said Gudonov. “Her boyfriend wasn’t as good a poker player as he thought.”

“But you killed him. That wipes out the debt, doesn’t it?”

The man said nothing, and Bucky placed the knife against his crotch. “When I was an assassin, I was ordered to bring a man in to my handler. Normally, I would have just killed him but my handler wanted to make an example of him, so I tracked him down and took him back. They stripped him naked and strung him up by his hands from a hook in the ceiling. Then my handler asked if anyone knew how to do a castration.”

“He was killed because she escaped,” said Gudonov quickly. “She was to marry the Pakhan’s son so that he could stay in America legally as the husband of an American citizen. The son was very angry when she escaped and lost his temper with her boyfriend, shooting him in the back of the head.”

“What’s his name?” asked Bucky, in a voice so soft that, for a moment, Gudonov thought he misheard.

He didn’t answer and the knife started to press into the man’s crotch.

“Markov!” screamed Gudonov, “Alexei Markov. Please stop! I’ll tell you anything.”

Pulling the knife away Bucky texted Sam with the name of the son, identifying him as the killer of Jason Tierney. Then he added that Gudonov had agreed to talk. He looked sternly at the frightened man.

“If you tell the authorities everything, I won’t come looking for you,” said Bucky. “But if you go back on your word, I will find you and do the castration myself. Now that I’ve done it once I’m sure I’ll be better at it the second time around.”

Bucky’s phone vibrated and he read the text.

Sam: some trusted associates are coming to take the three men into custody. ETA 15 minutes

Bucky: I may have threatened Gudonov to get a confession.

Sam: Is he still alive? Can he walk?

Bucky: Absolutely.

Sam: No problem. I assume you’re going to head back out so give me the room number.

Bucky: #27. They may have hurt the desk clerk to find our room. Have our associates check on him. I gave him $100 not to give us up.

Sam: Will do. See you at the safe house.

Bucky stood up and placed his knives, except for the one that he always kept in his boot, back in the leather wrapping, along with the other zip ties. Then he knocked on the bathroom door.

“It’s alright, you can come out now. We’re leaving.”

The door unlocked and all he saw were Rita’s frightened eyes. Smiling at her, he picked up his saddle bags and put the leather package back inside, at the bottom of one of them. Then he picked up his helmet while Rita put her backpack on and picked up hers.

“Put it on,” he said calmly. “I don’t want him to see your face. You don’t have to hurt your eyes looking at his ugly face either.”

She did as she was told, putting the darkened visor down, and waited for him as he stood in front of Gudonov.

“Some people are coming to pick you and your two friends up,” he said. “They’re going to be asking you a lot of questions. I suggest you be truthful when you answer them. You don’t want me coming back.” He stood up, nodding at Rita, then looked at the man again and spoke in Russian. “Everything I told you is true as I was the Fist of HYDRA for many years. I was never given a choice when I was given an order. These days, I don’t kill but I have no problem maiming you if you look for this woman again. I will cut them both off and stuff them in your mouth until you choke on them. Remember that.”

Gudonov nodded his head briefly and Bucky escorted Rita out. After fastening his saddle bags onto his motorcycle, he mounted it, waiting for her to get on behind him. Before he turned it, she spoke.

“Is what you told him true?” she asked. “I was listening through the door.”

He breathed out audibly and bowed his head for a moment. “Yes, it’s true,” he replied. “I did many terrible things for HYDRA but never by choice.” He placed his right hand on hers. “I told him that if he ever comes looking for you, I will hurt him, severely. You’re safe with me, Rita. Believe that.”

“Thank you,” she said immediately. “I feel safe with you, Bucky.”

She hugged him from behind and he patted her hands with his right hand. Turning the key, he started the motorcycle and backed up, then pulled out of the parking lot. About a mile down the road several dark SUVs raced by them, going in the other direction, and Bucky smiled, recognizing them as the associates. As they travelled through Jackson towards the highway to Memphis, he noticed that the eastern sky was starting to lighten. It would be dawn soon and the chances of being spotted by a corrupt sheriff or possibly even a bounty hunter were going to be higher. It would take about 3 ½ hours to get to the safe house and they weren’t out of the woods yet. He smirked, noticing the trees on either side of the road they were on. It reminded him that he would have to be vigilant as anyone could be hiding and waiting for them.

An hour later, just before the sun peaked over the eastern horizon, they entered a stretch of highway that was fairly isolated. Most of the traffic they had encountered was of the commercial truck kind, moving goods from one location to another. Bucky contemplated stopping for a quick meal break, concerned about Rita handling the ride. Just as he noticed a sign for food services in a nearby town, he became aware of a semi-truck driving a little too closely behind them. Increasing his speed a little, he watched as it kept pace. He increased his speed a little more and it matched him. As they drew closer to truck traffic ahead of them, he noticed another semi coming up on the left side. A semi ahead of them matched their speed and he found the motorcycle boxed in on three sides by semis, with a concrete barrier on the right. With a sigh he made a voice call to Sam.

“They found us,” he said. “We’re boxed in by semis on the I55, north of the 404 turnoff. You better send help. I’ll hold them off as long as I can.”

“Bucky, be careful,” said Sam. “That Gudonov guy said they have a lot of firepower.”

The super soldier was quiet for a moment. “I’m not going to back down, Sam. After that last mission, I’m done holding back.”

For a moment he had a vision of their last mission when he was ordered not to go in without backup. By the time the others arrived the terrorists had killed most of the hostages. It was why he was on his way to Delacroix, needing time to deal with what he saw as his failure to protect the hostages, needing the support of the fishing community that treated him as one of their own.

It was Sam’s turn to be quiet. When he spoke, it was with resignation. “We’ll get there as soon as we can. Do what you must to keep you both alive.”

“Understood,” replied Bucky. “Sam? Thanks.”

“We’ll find you, Buck, I promise.”

He ended the call and decided to test the skill of the truck drivers, trying to zip through the narrow gap on the right side but they closed the gap skillfully and slowed down, leaving him no choice but to slow with them. As he stopped the bike beside the concrete barrier, he pulled his helmet off and turned to Rita, as several men with machine guns came from the back of the truck in front of them.

“When I engage them, you go over the barrier and run,” he said. “As fast and far as you can.”

She took her helmet off and put her hand on his arm. “I’m not leaving you,” she replied, her eyes going glassy. “They’ll come after me.”

“Rita, please.”

She didn’t get a chance to answer as another man came towards them from behind the armed men. Bucky watched the man smirk at Rita, then put himself between them when the man went to pull her towards him, desperate to keep Rita safe but afraid of her getting hurt.

“Leave her alone,” he said, his voice icy but calm.

“She belongs to me, Soldat,” said the man. “Now, you belong to me as well.”

He glanced at another man, nodding slightly at him. The man pulled out a taser and activated it, hitting Bucky in the neck. Even though he fought the charge for as long as he could a third man hit him with another charge sending Bucky to his knees. The last thing he saw before he passed out was Rita being led away to a limousine.

🚁 🤵🏻‍♂️

Twenty minutes later a helicopter landed in the middle of the highway behind the barrier of two black SUVs which blocked traffic from coming near the motorcycle that was parked next to the concrete barrier. Smashed on the ground next to the motorcycle was Bucky’s cell phone. Two helmets lay beside it. A man in a dark suit approached Sam and Fury who had exited the helicopter.

“Taser leads,” said the man. “Four leads, two Taser weapons.”

“Send units to all the places identified with Markov,” ordered Fury. “Bring in special forces assistance if you have to. I want them hit hard.”

“What if he’s taken them out of the country?” asked Sam. “Bucky’s a big prize to a Russian mobster.”

“I’ve already got someone monitoring the airfields,” said Fury, looking at his cell phone. “A private jet just took off from one twenty miles away. They seem to be headed for New York. I’m guessing Alexei Markov is going after some big fish and thinks the Winter Soldier is just the weapon he needs to make his father proud.”

“Send me their position,” said Sam. “I can monitor them from the air.”

Fury texted the information to Sam who brought it up on his suit. With a grimace he lifted off into the air. Fury made a call on his cell phone.

“Activate everyone,” he said. “Barnes and a material witness have been taken hostage. Details to come.” He looked at the man in the suit. “Make sure Barnes’ motorcycle gets to the compound in one piece. Bring the helmets and issue him a new phone.”

As he headed towards the helicopter, he felt rather optimistic. After what Vladimir Gudonov told them of Barnes’ interrogation of him, Alexei Markov really didn’t understand the man he was hoping to use. The mobster thought it would be simple to force the former Winter Soldier into working for him, but Barnes wasn’t simple. He was much more complicated than most people realized, and Fury was counting on that.

Short Fiction Masterlist

Day 3>>

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[alllostinmythoughts]

I was not a good Witness and that’s a good thing.

When I was in, I thought I was a bad JW for things I could not control. I had poor physical health since I was a teenager and my mental health suffered because of that. I became a publisher as a tween but my hours were lacking because I could not do more than an hour a week and I did not get “return visits” or bible studies because of my severe social anxiety. I did not comment in the meetings and I had to eventually remove my self from the ministry school for the same reason.

All of those things did not make me a bad Witness. Those things were me being human and doing the best I could despite my circumstances. Now that I am out, I can see that I should not have felt ashamed nor have been made to feel guilty about it.

Here, though, are a list of things that did make me bad Jehovah’s Witness and why I think it was a good thing.

• I didn't like giving people the JW version of life after death.

A few years ago the organization updated the tracts they produced. Before they were square and had a trifold design. They had several paragraphs about whatever the front cover said it was about. Typical religious stuff. Life, death, how Jesus can save us. It was something you could give someone on the fly while out and about or to someone who said they didn't have any time to talk. The new ones are a little different. Same info, just a different format. More colorful and eye catching. Folded in half and with less info, only a couple of scriptures and sentences.

As I got older, I became increasingly uncomfortable with giving out the ones about suffering and death. I was especially uncomfortable with the ones about death. A witness will read this and think: “Why would anyone be uncomfortable with telling someone about our hope for the future.” That's why, because it is our hope, your hope. I would always think, what if we gave that tract to someone who had just lost someone. They're in the middle of grieving and you want them to contemplate an entirely new belief in the afterlife. They may already have a really strong belief that brings them comfort but then you tell them that they're wrong, and show them a couple of scriptures why they're wrong. That could devastate someone.

I know this isn't always the case. Since I was a child, I've heard stories of people who lost a loved one and then were visited by witnesses and were comforted by the witnesses version of what happens after we die and what we have to look forward to past that. But it's not like you're gonna hear a person talk about how they in-fact were not comforted, when they're giving their life experience in the Kingdom Hall. You could not look me in the eye and tell me with absolute certainty that it did not ever hurt someone.

Witnesses think that everything they believe is an absolute fact and that everybody would want to hear what they have to share. They cannot even fathom for a second that someone else may actually be happier with their current belief system and their beliefs may make someone upset.

• I didn't believe in paradise.

When you’re a child, you believe everything your parents tell you. With kids outside the organization, they’re told that Santa and the Easter Bunny is real but then kids grow up and they realize for themselves what’s real or not. Not so when it comes to witnesses.

When you’re a kid as a witnesses you’re told about this paradise and it’s nice to believe in. Who doesn’t want to play all day without worrying about anything or being able to pet lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh my.

However, when you grow up you realize the reality of the situation and you just have to be comfortable with all the implications of it.

Witnesses are a doomsday cult. They probably wouldn’t like that descriptor but it’s the truth. I might go into it further in a another post but for now, I’ll just give a brief summery. They believe that in an indeterminate future, Jesus and the angels will kill everybody on earth except Jehovah’s Witnesses and then it will be paradise. So, if you have family, nice neighbors you talk to frequently, and innocent children who aren’t witnesses, they will not make it. Think about it, there are currently close to 8 billion people on earth and there are only 8 million witnesses. Close to 8 billion people will die, just like that. Innocent people, just because they didn't believe the same things as a group of 8 million people.

I think this belief is just awful. When I was in the organization, I think I just tried to ignore it completely and didn’t even think about it to keep myself sane.

• I had political opinions.

Now this one is a doozy and something that I still struggle with, being partially sheltered from most things, especially of the political nature. But you can’t be kept away from everything and my family were not the type of witnesses that didn’t have a TV and us kids were allowed to watch anything age appropriate. (Well, we weren’t allowed to watch a few things but we weren’t extreme. That might be another interesting thing to post about.) So, things filtered through but not enough that I feel that even now, as an adult, I have an completely informed opinion on a lot of different ideas. But, I’m getting there. Hopefully.

I think, however, I was informed enough about a few topics. Like, racism and feminism. These were dirty words in the organization.

You see, on the surface, the organization could look pretty progressive. (Ignoring the blatant homophobia.) On paper they paint a pretty picture. But if you’ve lived through the organization's actual stances of these things, you’d realize that’s not actually true.

When if comes to racial inclusion, you’ll read in the books they publish, that God is impartial and that God does not favor one race, ethnicity or nationality over another. We’re taught not to have a nationalistic view of one’s country because we’re all God’s children on Earth. We’re even suppose to take a stand against drafting in the military, if we’re ever called to that, because we’re supposed to view everyone as a brother under God and how could one go to war against your brother.

But you’re also supposed to be politically neutral. So if you were to agree with the sentiment that there is a problem with police brutality currently in America, then that could get you in trouble. You would be told that you are creating division and that that is a politically held belief and we do not hold political beliefs.

When I was still in the organization, I got into an argument with someone I worked with who is a Jehovah’s Witness. It was around the time of the BLM protests. I tried to be carefully with what I said because like I said, I could get in to trouble. However, I got so frustrated with the things he was saying that eventually, I couldn’t hold my tongue anymore. I straight up asked him if he thought de-segregation was a bad thing, because that decision came from the direct result of the protests lead by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I asked him if he was okay with the fact that black people wouldn’t be working along side him, if segregation was still in effect right now. He kept trying to skirt around the question because obviously he couldn’t say he was okay with segregation but he also couldn’t agree with the protesters either.

It’s so twisted.

• I thought it was okay for other people to worship however they wanted.

I never could wrap my head around the witnesses disdain for how other people worshiped in their faith. For multiple reasons.

First, just like many witnesses who are born in, many other people in other religions were also born in to their faith. It is the only way they now how to worship. They were taught by their parents from a young age. If someone came up to a witness and told them, “By the way, the way you’ve worshiped God since you were a child is wrong and you’re gonna be punished because of it.” They would be offended. Well, no. They would probably take it as a challenge. To prove why they are the only ones in the entire world who worships the correct way. As if there is such a thing.

That’s the other reason why I couldn’t understand. I always thought it was presumptuous for any one person to claim with absolute certainty that their religion was the true religion and therefore, everything they believed and did for that religion was correct. I respect that they have the right to worship however they felt was right. However, even if you believe truly in your heart that you had everything figured out. That you found God and now you know that the way you’re going to live your life from now on out would be the correct way. You still would give other people the courtesy to have the same thing that you have and to recognize that even if you whole-heartedly believe, there would be no way for you to 100% certain. Maybe 99%, but never 100%.

So that’s it. There are many other things that made me bad bad witness but I’m proud of all of them. Jehovah’s Witnesses believe they have the moral high ground in everything they believe in but they don’t.

[gg-selvish]

sapnap/unresolved georgenap in rules

someone on retrospring asked me for sapnap's perspective in rules because it's pretty underdevlopped in the fic so here's my answer so i have it saved because it was fun to talk about

ok i. ran out of time for sapnap in rules and i will be the first to admit that. sapnaps arc isnt very as satisfyingly resolved as dreams and thats because the dnf damage was just so intense and so fresh it took priority over longterm hurt but. theres a lot there that he went through thats implied and also in my personal headcanons of unwritten lore that implications stem from that i dont describe well or explore enough in the actual fic (sorry self burn booooooo)

rules is sapnap fell first george fell harder. 100%. its established in chapter 1 that sapnap had a crush on george since they were young and it was implied that george knew about it for most of the time of their friendship because it would be brought up casually/jokingly and while george thought it was lighthearted (and, once they got together, irrelevant) it was pure torture for sapnap.

loving both of your best friends is very difficult, if you could imagine. in my head dreamnap eased into each other better than georgenap did (emotionally) but... thats not really hard to do. dream and him established probably pretty similarly to treacherous in that it didnt take too long for them to realize their feelings for each other, but in rules george is more present so they get together faster because as we all know dreamnap are kind of scared of each other while george is the worlds biggest instigator. dnn complete each other yadda yadda im getting sidetracked

so they establish that they want each other and start this relationship but we're gonna math it out. sapnap isnt getting words of affirmation (outside of e-sex like praise no i love yous) or physical touch from george. he's getting words of affirmation from dream but limited physical touch due to The Rules (wooooooo). another thing thats quick in the fic is that dreamnap kinda lock away from each other because they Want to be together and theyre Not Allowed To so u can imagine the strain that would put on all of their dynamics. theyre so close but limited to compromise with someone who cant even say i love you or touch them like its Hard bro and theres resentment that comes from that piled atop the years of teasing for feelings that sapnap can never even be sure are reciprocated are u kidding????

so not only is there this prodding and underlying making fun of sapnaps feelings at regular interverals and overall memeing on him for YEARS theres george putting him in a painful position in the relationship too. more resentment. the piles getting pretty high, huh? and then they meet. theyre together. and its george but its also someone completely different. suddenly he's being worshipped and touched like gold with the kindest words whispered and he slips into subspace and feels so safe and he loves george so much why does it have to be so hard?

so he settles for when it's not hard.

he consents to cosigning the breaking of dreams heart and lets george sleep with him alone because for just a few minutes or hours he can pretend he means something to george. because he has doubts. maybe id go so far as to say theres times where he really doesnt believe him at all. but he does believe him when he's combing fingers through his hair and letting him taste love on his tongue

i think a lot about dreamnap in oklahoma. how sapnap felt to sleep in the same bed as dream and want to be with him alone the way they were when george was on call but he cant. all the while knowing if george was in his place he could do whatever he wants because hes on another wavelength

more resentment. george always wins, isn't that so unfair?

and when sapnap comes back different. that line is important and holds a lot of weight. thats when he got tired of george being unfair and dragging him through the mud and he wanted to be strong against someone who makes him weak so he tries so hard even though hes being torn in two and he's so tired, can you imagine? so he stops the unsafe scene. more resentment builds. he's done with george. he cant take this anymore. hes ruining everything and so he pulls away from him even more

and then he gets drunk and george crawls under his skin and he fails and can you imagine how much he was beating himself in the head for that? after being so strong and maybe he felt excluded a little because of it but he wasnt being weak and then george fucking makes him weak again and dream catches him and it all blows up because he was weak

and still. even with sapnap and him on the chopping block. george does not say i love you.

sapnap defends him in the fight. and george still doesnt say it.

it takes dream taking him apart and nearly forcing vulnerability. and sure sapnap is told first but was it because of him? do you think he'll always wonder if it was always going to be dream fixing george and never him? do you think he would feel resentful about that as well?

there's a lot of negativity in him. he's been really dragged through it and treated like shit and theres a part of me who has this perspective and sees rules!george apologists and wonders if theyre thinking about any of this. if any of it is even detectable in the tiny one liners i slipped in because i was going too fast

rules is about george at face value, but it's also kind of about dream, and it's definitely about sapnap.

[e-wills-afterhours]

Hi there! How are you?

I'm so sorry to be bothering you with this, but I just really, really need to know what happens in Vetrnaetr. Do you plan on writing more? If not, would you just tell us how the story ends? Do things between Hiccup and Astrid get better? Do they forgive eachother and try to get the relationship right?

Your story is just too good, makes me wonder about it all the time. Thank you for writing such wonderful stories ❤️

Hey friend!

You are not bothering me! I do plan on finishing it, but writing anything at all is a bit difficult for me to manage right now--a multichapter longfic is peak difficulty. I haven't worked on the next chapter in ages (all I recall is it starts with Astrid regretting the letter she wrote and stressing over whether she just killed her relationship), so I would have to find the time to re-read what I've published of Vetrnaetr so far, for the sake of continuity, before I could get back into chipping away at it. My personal life is not allowing for such a blessing of free time at the moment. I can't even give you an estimate of when that will get better. Nothing bad is going on; quite the contrary, my cup runneth over.

Additionally, my creative focus is changing. While I wouldn't say I've completely lost interest in Hiccstrid or HTTYD, I've found myself gravitating more and more towards original work that I haven't posted here, simply because there's not really a want for it. I don't think anyone really cares that much about my worldbuilding and novel plotting that will probably never result in anything anyway but it's nice to have dreams.

I won't give you all the nitty gritty details below the cut, because I might actually finish Vetrnaetr one day, but I will provide some vague and general spoilers below in case that never happens. For your peace of mind friend.

Spoilers:

Hiccup returns from Helgafell but since the Vetrnaetr festival is kicking off, he and Astrid do not have much of an opportunity to talk and reconcile; Astrid can tell Hiccup is distant and she is afraid that their breakup is inevitable. She also laments all the implications of a breakup after everything they've been through privately and publicly.

Stefnir takes more opportunities to be a smug asshole, because of course he does.

Hiccup struggles with expectations of change and personal growth from both his father and Astrid; reflects on what that growth and change looks like and what it would mean for him, personally.

Festival is a blast. Astrid realizes she's been a bit of a demanding asshole toward Hiccup and should have been more understanding and tactful in her approach instead of giving him ultimatums to become someone he fundamentally isn't. Damn Ruffnut was right. Astrid gets drunk.

Hiccup realizes he does have a lot of growth left, and not just for others' sake, but his own too. He realizes Astrid had some valid points and if staying in a perpetual adolescent mindset means he loses her, then he doesn't want it. He understands, unintentionally, he has been a bit self-absorbed and selfish.

Hiccup confides this to Gobber who gives some sage advice about growing up in all facets of life, but no more than is absolutely necessary to preserve joy.

First night of festival winds down in the wee hours of the morning. Astrid is passed out now. Hiccup and Toothless get her home. Shenanigans occur because, in a village of drunk Vikings, of course they do.

Astrid wakes up hungover with no recollection of how she got home in bed, but notices whoever got her home took great care to make sure she was comfortable.

Hiccup comes to check on her. They finally get to talk after some self-reflection the night before. They both admit their wrongs and acknowledges where the other person was right, but also refine their personal boundaries and expectation. Yay for healthy reconciliation and open and honest communication. Commitment to one another renewed.

Fic ends with emotional and very physical expressions of love.

[sofwrites]

Oh my god, I am so blown away that you answered my Qs about Welcome to the Digital Age, Babe so beautifully. It is seriously one of the works I reread every few months because of all the feels. And I love that because it’s a text message tale, we only get some of their relationship. It makes me so curious about what’s happening when Colin and Pen actually spend time together.

I love the context you have with all your answers. I can completely see Colin panicking that Pen told Eloise about what he said - not just because he doesn’t want to get whatever is coming to him from Eloise but because he feels really terrible about what happened and doesn’t like to be reminded of it. And I see Pen panicking post-kiss and Colin wanting to just be close to her without really thinking about the long term implications.

About Colin calling someone by a different name in bed, I totally agree that he stopped sleeping around after he caught feelings (and also partially why he’s so thrilled when he’s messaging Michael after he and Pen finally get together - boy is finally getting some). Also it’s the pandemic, and given all his precautions, I don’t see him going out for random hook ups. I like to think that maybe this was a pre-Italy hook up and he did still call someone by Pen’s name, which totally surprised him and also put some thoughts in his head when they were in Italy.

And I just love all the ways Felicity/the Bridgertons could have found out. I didn’t even consider the Michael way and I love that if there’s one thing that gets Fran to reveal she’s with Michael is when he has info about Colin and Pen. Personally, I think it may be a Felicity and Hyacinth thing when they’re both being a little stalker-ish and stumble upon on overnight date.

Okay, last Q for now. When Colin asks Pen to come over and they finally talk, I have been dying to know what happens. I love the time stamps because I think - okay, so Colin told Pen to come over around 8:15, she said she would be there in 15, let’s say 8:30 she’s prompt and scared, upstairs and awkward small talk down by 8:45, what are they talking about for two hours???

Sorry, this may have revealed too much about how much I fangirl about your work but you really are one of my favorite writers. I just think you get them so well and you’re so beautifully descriptive. I completely treat your scene when Colin tells the mamas that the wedding is being moved up as canon. I’m so excited to see what you come up next and really grateful you feed us so well!

Dude, I'm blown away that you took the time out to ask me questions! I don't think I can really express how honored I am by your messages and the fact that you love Digital Age.

I am such a visible person in terms of my writing - I'm the one who's making all the faces and mannerisms while I write it into the characters. Even in digital age, where we clearly don't see any physical stuff, it's really fun to get to explain what I'd imagined! And about how Colin and Pen are when they actually spend time together... I always think of the book scene where he's holding her hand for 5 minutes the night before the church/carriage/proposal scene, and how they're so obvious without even realizing it!! They're definitely like that in my opinion.

njskfansdjkfn "boy is finally getting some" so true and honestly good for them!! I really love that idea for pre-Italy 🥺 it's finally in his head and he's trying to deny it, but it's there!!

Felicity and Hyacinth are absolutely the leaders of #PolinWatch so I absolutely see them using their stalker skills to know.

Oof, okay. What do they do for 2 hours?

You're right that they get past the small talk pretty quickly, because Colin's ready to really get down into it. He wants to know what happened after Italy and why she shut him down. She beats around the bush for a while, there's some silence, and then they start arguing. They can't agree on Italy or their feelings, whether it was real or just the heat. Penelope insists that what they had was a fleeting moment - Colin says that's bullshit. He tells her that he's never felt that way - she asks how he can be sure. She asks him why now, why his feelings have changed after more than a decade. He demands to know why she refuses to give this a chance.

She says she can't "just give it a chance" because with him, it would have to be all or nothing. Because he could break her to the point of no repair if they can't give it their all. Their friendship is too great to risk over something casual, which they both agree on. Colin tells her that she really is his best friend.

Things start to calm down, and they're less heated. Colin offers to make some food and he stands by the stove cooking pasta as Penelope sits at the kitchen table. They talk about their writing, to distract themselves a bit. He asks her the questions he hadn't gotten the chance to ask before: how she'd done her column for so long in secret, how it felt. She asks him how he feels about his own writing, and if he's going to look into publishing it. They say how proud they are of each other.

And then there's a pause, and he's making the sauce while she's staring at the floor. They're wondering how it would really work. She asks whether he's willing to be in town more often - when the pandemic starts clearing - and whether he actually would. He asks if she'd be willing to leave more often, travel, and write a bit there.

It's a standstill. Are they really willing to take the leap? Then the food's done and Colin sets it on the table and looks at her, hard. Neither of them says anything.

And then, just as the tension's gotten to the point where it feels like the entire room is stifling, Penelope gets up and says, "That's that, then. Night, Colin," and leaves. Colin comes to his senses right as the elevator closes.

God, I hope that all made sense! They honestly do have a lot to talk about, because I imagine that even as they're becoming really good friends, they don't spend enough time really talking. They discuss movies and surface-level things, but it really takes until that night for them to open up. Hope that was all worth the wait!

"you really are one of my favorite writers." I really can't tell you how much it meant for me to see that. I'm crying right now just reading that again because I really have dealt with a lot of self-doubt lately. I'm not as active as I once was, and I know it's easy for people to forget about you, so again, I really appreciate it. No pressure to keep replying, but I'm so thankful for you and your fangirling. Please keep being you. (and honestly, if you'd ever like to see a scene from Digital Age written out, don't hesitate to let me know. As I've shown, I don't mind cheating around the epistolary theme, lol!)

Ahhhh, thank you so much again! These are the things that can really help remind you of the love of writing (especially Colin and Penelope, who really will forever be my true loves). skjdngfjkdsfn I would say more if I could think of the words, but you're just so incredible!! <3

[byemizumikahago]

Is it possible for the victims who received explicit material from mizumi while underaged to file a police report or take legal action? If so, I strongly suggest it.

I got this question a while ago, and I've been thinking about it ever since. I thought about how to respond, but I never could think of the right way to say this. I knew if I said something too positive that, if the eventual outcome wasn't as good as I promised it'd be, it would've gotten people's hopes up for no reason, and just causes more hurt than good.

On the flipside, however, I knew that if I said something too negative, it would probably just make a lot of people pretty depressed. And it'd probably discourage people from ever trying to take action, or make things better, because "what's the point if it's just gonna be a fruitless effort in the end?"

I thought about just not answering this ask for a while, but I also thought that I should answer, because this brings up an important conversation topic about online predators and how shitty our real world laws are at protecting victims/preventing online crimes from targeting minors.

So, even though this is gonna be a hard pill to swallow, it's important to be realistic and talk about these issues properly, instead of just sweeping the implications this ask actually has under the rug.

So, my answer to, "Can the victims who received explicit material from mizumi while underaged file a police report or take legal action?" is...

No.

Okay, well, technically, yes, the victim can PHYSICALLY go to the police and report it, but my point is that, even if they did, that doesn't mean it'll fix everything. If anything, depending on the context, it could make everything worse. Or (since that scenario I presented is kind of an extreme, and again, don't wanna be too negative), if the victim brought this to the police, the case would most likely be dismissed on the spot. There are also a number of other factors for why taking this online issue to real life wouldn't help, is that;

1: From the few conversations I've had with the victim, their main, primary concern is maintaining anonymity. They seem to just want to put this whole situation behind them, and focus on healing from this experience. They gave me permission to talk about what mizumi did to them, but requested to be completely anonymous.

If this case was ever taken to court, like, actual court, with a Judge and a Jury and lawyers and the public, the victim's anonymity would disappear. Their face would be seen by everyone, and whatever sense of security they had would be gone. Everyone, like their friends, family, classmates, and random people on the street would know them as "that online grooming victim". The label will stick with them wherever they go, and it'll be all anyone can ever see them as.

Also, if mizumi was sent a notice stating that she had to appear in court as the defendant (either in person or by video call), the victim's personal info, like their full name, will be on that notice. And I don't think I need to go into depth on how terribly that'd go.

2: There's the issue of cross-country laws affecting the ability of this report to be taken seriously. Mizumi and the victim both live in different countries, and both have different age of consent laws, and both ALSO have a ton of holes/loopholes that can be exploited, or have to be closely looked into with a magnifying glass to read between the lines. Your local police officer-receptionist, who is working long hours on their depressing job and is constantly tired, isn't gonna bother to investigate the laws of a different country to determine whether this case is suitable for court or not. They're just gonna say "Ah, it's a different country, the culture is different there, the laws are different there, get over yourself kid, and stop wasting my time with this bs"

3: This incident happened a year ago, back in January of 2022. It is nearly the end of 2023, so it's been a little while since this incident took place. To anyone with a brain, you'd be thinking "Okay, sure, it happened nearly 2 years ago now, but that time-gap doesn't mean anything! It should still be looked at in court! The perpetrator has gotten off scot-free for two years, that means the time to act is now, before it's too late!" And I would 100% agree with you, but unfortunately, the people-in-power, who decide what should be taken to court and what shouldn't, do think that this time-gap means something.

In a post from Rainn.org, they state that, statistically, out of every 1,000 sexual assault cases, 975 of the perpetrators will walk free. And, while researching, I came across the Statute of Limitations; it states that there's a time limit to report a sex crime, and it's appliable to most places in the US. It comes from the belief that the sooner you don't report, the less evidence there will be, so there's no point in reporting at all after the fact.

Also, to add onto the un-likelyhood of this report ever being taken as a serious case, the examples I showed you were all from IRL cases of sexual assault. This incident took place online, where there is less physical evidence of the crime taking place. This video series is from the youtuber Illymation, who was a victim of an adult online predator sending sexually charged messages to her when she was a minor, herself. At one point, she talks about her experience with bringing this issue to the police, and how her case was not at all considered seriously before being tossed out. This is just one example from one person about how the justice system screwed them over. But go onto someplace like AskReddit, and you'll find HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of people sharing their experiences just like this.

So, yeah. Filing a police report about this mizumi incident not only has a statistically low chance of actually leading somewhere, but may actually put the victim in more danger than not.

So, what does this mean? Is there no point in trying to stop these types of things from happening? Will justice never be served? Will mizumi walk away scott-free, with no consequences, ready and willing to pull something like this again?

Well, personally, I don't think it has to end as depressingly as that. In fact, I don't think it should EVER end like that. I think there's still a way to both not take this to court and have an innocent person doxxed, but ALSO make sure mizumi never has the power to exploit another minor again.

Have you heard of the author, VelvateCarnage, of the infamous danganronpa fanfic "Lavender"? Well, he was exposed as being a creep who sent sexual messages to minors, and basically EVERYONE in the fandom knows this. When he was exposed, he deleted all of his social media accounts, and ran away with his tail between his legs. Since then, a group of have been working together to compile all the evidence of his grooming, and multiple screenshots have circulated, showing his true nature.

Now, everyone in the dr fandom knows what a monster he is, and are now on high alert, so whenever he tries to sneak his way back into the fandom, people immediately notice, and chase him out. This ensures that he can't come back to a space with lots of minors, and create even more victims.

I don't see why the same can't happen for mizumi. I think, that if more people knew about what mizumi did, we could ALL work together to kick her out, and make sure she never comes back.

What I'm proposing isn't the most perfect, best, ideal situation. After all, the best place for a child groomer to be is behind bars, but since we, as individuals, don't have a lot of power to change the system, the best we can do is work with what we've got, and come together to stop more incidents like this from happening.

I might write up a post on what exact things fans can do to help, and stop mizumi from creating more victims, so I'll work on that. But for now, thank you for the ask, throwawaycomplique, you raised a very interesting question; one that really made me realize and reconsider what this blog should be about; not just calling out mizumi's behaviour, but actually putting a stop to it, altogether.

[aro-bird]

Okay since I have ADHD, let me try to explain it to you point by point from the things you asked.

-so sa logic ng twitter post, kung may diabetes ako, pwede akong kumuha ng PWD card?

No, the logic here is that they are comparing it to diabetes kasi yung implication ng pag-ban ng may ADHD na medicated is that dahil meron silang gamot, then they don't have the condition. The OP ng tweet is trying to illustrate na it's as if sinabihan mo ang isang person na may diabetes na wala na silang diabetes because they have insulin which is stupid as hell.

Just because I have insulin, doesn't mean I don't suffer other issues or had suddenly stopped being vulnerable on things related to diabetes, same goes for people with ADHD. Just because they have meds, doesn't mean they stop having other issues related to ADHD or become suddenly not vulnerable with ADHD related issues.

-bakit kumukuha ng PWD card ang may ADHD? yes they have inabilities to keep their attention/focus on certain tasks… but why? -hindi ko nagegets na may depression symptoms ang ADHD kasi its more of a congenital condition rather than a trauma based condition. o baka ang ibig sabihin ng op is depression because of awareness?

This is going to be the longest part of the post because these are loaded questions but if you want to know the proper full answers to your questions then you have to read the whole thing. You are questioning our disability so I'm giving you a full response.

Because ADHD is not just a focusing disorder and there's a lot of other issues that make it debilitating. People with ADHD have executive function issues which may be because of anomalies in the brain's structure like with its cortex itself or maybe its neurotransmitters (and specifically most likely dopamine) with both of these things possibly negatively affecting executive function. Ang executive function ay ang function ng brain mo to do things like organization, time management, working memory, inhibitions, patience, focus, etc. Basically, most things na people without ADHD have an easier time working with.

This may not seem like much, pero if laging sabog time management mo, laging walang order mga gamit mo, laging nakakalimutan mo mga bagay, you could end up struggling with day to day functions and even struggle in school and work. People may see these issues that you're struggling with and may think that it's just you being a mess or being lazy when it's literally just your brain not working right. When I started to gain more independence and my parents stopped assisting me with school, I ended up struggling more kasi they were basically doing my executive function for me when I was growing up and when they stopped doing that for me, it made me go from excellent student to average and even almost failing some subjects because I literally had issues with those tasks because of how my brain is.

Another important thing is that ADHD isn't actually someone having an "attention-deficiency" pero is closer to someone struggling to control their attention. The stereotype na laging hindi maka-focus and isang tao na may ADHD is not entirely true and especially since it's been well-known to anyone who takes time to talk to someone with ADHD na if the topic is interesting, then the person with ADHD could actually sit down and focus, even longer than the non-ADHD person and this is called "hyperfocus". Whenever people talk about hyperfocus it's always touted as a superpower kasi people with ADHD could focus on work for hours at a time if they're really invested in it but it's not just a positive kasi it could lead them to neglect their other commitments, relationships, responsibilities, and even basic needs and bodily functions. This has actually gotten me hospitalized because I ignored my basic needs and I know I'm not alone here. I even heard a story of someone who was so focused that they didn't notice na nasusunog na ang kanilang bahay. This is all because our brain is physically not working properly. I'll also clarify that hyperfocus could last for hours to maybe even close to a full day maybe even several with very limited breaks in-between. It isn't just "getting in the zone" like how people without ADHD may experince it.

This difference in the brain whether it be because of the difference in the brain's cortex or a dysregulation with dopamine neurotransmitters affect other things too even emotions or mood. Yung dysregulation na ito could cause problems with ADHD people not being able to properly control their emotions and their mood fluctuating back and forth which could worsen other issues and is speculated as the reason kung bakit ang mga may ADHD ay nahihirapan sa pagkuha ng motivation sa pagtatrabaho and may also lessen the rewarding feeling sa pagkokompleto ng mga tasks. This lack of rewards and lack of motivation may make people with ADHD find more "rewarding" activities which could go as extreme as addictive hobbies (like video gaming or gambling) or even addictive substances (like drugs or alcohol). If they don't find ways to manage this mood dysregulation, it could worsen symptoms of depression and make it much harder for them to function to even take care of themselves.

Other than that, since most kids with ADHD act different from their peers and that most adults don't help them and just call them lazy, a lot of ADHD kids and adults end up having self-confidence issues, anxiety, and depression. They may even struggle with participating in school and academics because of the lack of support systems and networks. On the first point, a study has stated that 56% of children with ADHD had stated that they had no friends at all compared to 32% of non-ADHD children, and may struggle to keep friends as 25% had reported losing them within 6 months compared to 9% of non-ADHD children. Do you know how traumatizing it is to be a child without any friends at all? How isolation and loneliness could really mess with your brain? I definitely experienced it growing up and I still have a lot of issues with that to the point that I'm still in therapy for it besides my ADHD.

Related to all that, according to this study, people who experience prolonged periods of social isolation or loneliness have mental issues and psychological problems like anxiety, stress, depression, and even cognitive decline, with physical problems showing that lonely people are at a higher risk for premature death because of increased risks of cardiovascular health diseases and conditions and increased blood pressure.

As for the latter point, let me briefly discuss ADHD and academics. It's very well-known that ADHD could negatively impact academic performance and especially untreated and unmedicated ADHD. In fact, there are several studies on this specific issue and I'll link some here, here, and here. It has been consistently shown time and time and time again that people with ADHD who get treatment and help for their condition has a higher chance of doing better in school. Being a registered PWD allows you the possibility of getting school assistance for your condition. Why shouldn't ADHD people not get this accessibility help if it could help them compete with their non-ADHD peers and even help them finish their studies.

There's a lot of other issues but I hope you get the point na ADHD isn't just struggling to focus on a task, it's a disability that could be extremely debilitating and even life-ruining and could cause serious mental issues other than ADHD itself.

To answer the question na bakit kumukuha ang person with ADHD ng PWD card is that it's a disability that's not just about not focusing good and since it's a disability there are a lot of treatments and doctor's consultations and even medication that could help manage it and having a PWD card could help with medical expenses kasi medication is expensive. Having to go to therapy is expensive. Going to a psychiatrist is expensive.

Hindi nga ako nag-tatake ng medication pero I pay my therapist 2k a month just to go with some people needing to pay more than that. If I wanted to go on medication, I would need to go to a psychiatrist which might be another 2k or maybe more and I heard some places spend over 3k or even 5k depende sa pinuntahang therapist. I heard someone needed to get a 10k assessment just to get a diagnosis din so I'm lucky as hell na 2k lang bayad ko per month for my therapist. I heard some medications could go for 3k for 30 pills tapos extremely controlled pa.

Why wouldn't you allow a person with a disability that's expensive to manage to even try to live like everyone else at least 20% sa medication nila like it's not going to hurt any other disabled person that's just stupid. This isn't even getting into the other thing I discussed about academic problems that most ADHD people experience.

-itama nyo ko kung mali, isa sa grounds ng PWD is psychosocial disability pero nasa guidelines din na dapat 20% or higher ang severity level ang pwede. so invalid kumuha ng PWD kung kaya mong makipag interact or socialize in a normal circumstance ryt? ex. kung kaya mong magbayad ng pamasahe sa jeep, like "manong bayad sa kanto lang po" which is a normal circumstance, bakit ka kukuha ng PWD card?

This is not true like at all. According to the National Council of Disability Affairs, anyone with a permanent disability is entitled to get a PWD card. ADHD would be under non-apparent disability under "Mental Disability" since that's what ADHD is —a mental disability and specifically a developmental one, not a psychosocial one, pero even if it is a psychosocial one, this isn't the case either. You can read that here. I think you confused yung 20% with the discount na every disabled person is entitled to. It has nothing to do with cognitive function and measuring someone's "severity" is tricky.

*side kuwento: sabi ng ophthalmologist na tumingin sa mata ko, pwede akong kumuha ng PWD and she can write me up a med cert for it. tumanggi ako. hindi kaya ng loob ko ng kunin ang isang benefit na intended sa may mga visual disabilities coz alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako imbalido, malabo lang mata ko. malaki ang difference ng bulag sa malabo ang mata lalo na sa tulad ko na kayang kayang gawin ang pang araw araw na gawin kahit walang salamin. getting that PWD card is straight robbery to those who are actually disabled.

I wasn't going to comment on this kasi it's a side story but I feel like I already touched on this point awhile ago so let's tackle it. Getting a PWD card does not affect other disabled people. That's stupid as hell. If meron kang PWD card even if "minor lang naman" yung disability mo, does that mean that other people would have less benefits? Fuck no!

Like seriously, think for a moment. Do you think they're rationing out yung mga benefits to people who are in need like we're living in an apocalypse bunker and not that it's a fixed list of benefits that the government is required to give to people? Like do you honestly think that? Imagine if other government programs act like that like imagine yung government insurance isn't based on anything else, just that if there's too many members you get less insurance payout when you need it. Imagine if yung DSWD binabaan yung bigay sa 4Ps bc there's already too many people sa program. Like does that make sense to you? What kind of country would do that? Why would disability activist groups allow that to be in the law?

The PWD card is also tied to senior cards so should senior citizens also not get their senior card just because they might "rob other people" even if they're already 80 or something just because they could "still function normally"? Like genuinely asking what's the logic here.

**ang mentality ba dapat natin lately is "just coz you could, you should"??

This is so condescending as hell. Most people who get an ADHD diagnosis and get ADHD medication and get PWD cards aren't just doing it for the LULz or whatever. ADHD is a debilitating condition to the point that there are a lot of people who haven't gotten diagnosed literally struggling to live and even possibly feeling like they're broken and worthless with some even committing suicide. Hell, even people who have been diagnosed may even feel broken or worthless.

Giving them access to disability benefits helps make their lives easier regardless of what you think. Making medicine cheaper, giving them discounts for services, giving them assistance in schools to name the few benefits makes their lives easier and doesn't take anything away from people. It just helps another disabled person get by a little better.

This reply to my post genuinely baffled me and to have someone WITHOUT ADHD assume all these things WITHOUT ANY PROPER REASEARCH is honestly INSULTING. ADHD is already a misunderstood, stigmatized, and dismissed disorder.

Honestly as someone who got denied a diagnosis when I was a CHILD because my guidance counselor thought ADHD people "can't be that successful in school" and later on denied a diagnosis when I was 17 because the old psychometrician that I went to thought I was "too old to be diagnosed" and that I "may have had it when I was a child but now it's too late to tell" only to finally be diagnosed properly during my SECOND-YEAR OF UNIVERSITY, I am getting sick and tired of people without ADHD, who barely know anything about the recent research, spreading misinformation like this and thinking like we're acting in bad faith when we try to assert our rights and our disability.

If you literally know nothing about the condition except hearsay, maybe don't make assumptions about us? That's the least that you could do instead of potentially spreadin misinformation and dismissing our concerns. Do better.

Haha what the fuck do you mean that allegedly the Philippine government's no longer recognizing medicated ADHD people as a "Person with Disability" and are now barring them from getting disability cards what the fuck

English translation under the image

Original Tweet: Apparently medicated people with ADHD are allegedly no longer allowed to get PWD (Persons with Disability) cards especially since they can cope. Is it really like that it's like if you said "you don't really have diabetes because you have insulin" Reddit Screenshot: i went to the pdao (Persons with Disability Affairs Office) then i gave them my medical certificate. then the staff asked if i can cope [with my ADHD]. i wasn't able to answer quickly then they said that medicated people with adhd who can cope weren't entitled to pwd cards. that's apparently the new rule when applying for pwd cards. i wasn't able to answer anything because what else could i do, right. after that they said to still ask the doctor, it's a good thing the doctor allowed it and the staff even told me that "you're not really entitled to it but we'll allow it for now." i said thank you even passive-aggressively hahahah but in my opinion even if you're medicated, you should still be entitled to get a card. because adhd medication still has a shortage. and symptoms of depression would start manifesting when you don't have medication. it's like they're downplaying the hardships of people with adhd

Like this is just straight up appalling. and to have the GOVERNMENT [allegedly] be the ones doing this kind of shit is disgusting. They're basically saying that if you have medication, that means you don't have the condition anymore which is absurd. It also makes me fear that a lot of people with ADHD who may want to at least try if they could perform better with medication would refuse to take them specifically because they might lose their government benefits. This is disgusting.

A lawyer's advice regarding this issue:

Please keep this in mind and don't let them trample on your rights!

[aquanova99]

Vladimir Soft Alphabet

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

A/N: please I beg of you next time ask for a volturi member please

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

A= Affection (how do they show affection)

Grand gestures not in the he listened to what you wanted but more in a look/don’t worry darling, I will give you everything you need. He will di his best to get you anything you ask for but he tries to guess everything before you actually need it. Not the physically affectionate type unless you are having some extracurricular studies after hours.

B= Beautiful (what is their pet name for you)

Darling or my dear just simply. He would probably hope you learn Romanian so he can talk to you and express more.

C= Cuddles (Are they a cuddly person?)

No. He is absolutely not a cuddly person. If you need him you have to be the one to say something. I could see him literally freezing if you have a big emotional moment kinda like…

That energy. I think later on (way later) and depending on the kind of breakdown he might just pull you into him. Won’t say anything but will hold you until you calm down.

D= Domestic (Do they want to settle down? What kind of future do they want)

I would like to take this moment to remind everyone that you all asked for this. This is on you. No, they have to be ready to overthrow the volturi duh. They are always on the run and I don’t think that will stop anytime soon. Stefan he might try and figure out a way to stop running maybe reach out to the volturi on his own. But Vladimir is more fueled by revenge than his counterpart (and no I’m not doing Stefan btw). Once he’s all in he will work at not doing anything to upset the volturi, it isn’t worth losing his mate.

E= End (How would they break up with their partners if they had to? What would make them do that in the first place?)

I see him, while being unknowingly dismissive, as very possessive. So I feel like you need to be able to deal with only really having him and Stefan to talk to. If not he wouldn’t even pursue anything. Also you have to be a volturi hater, it’s what you signed up for. If you even seem close to disagreeing with them being evil he is going to throw a fit. Or if he finds out you had once been for the volturi and still agree with their mission….if it’s early in the relationship that’s as far as it will get.

F= Fear (Whats something that terrifies them)/ Fiance (How would they propose)

He will never admit but he’s terrified of actually falling in love with someone. I’ve said this before but I firmly believe that if the Romanians reign was as ‘terrifying’ as they say then they probably had a mate more of this human made it. They all claimed the ones that were worth but not necessarily out of love. His anger is fueled at the downfall of his rule. When the volturi killed his mate it just gave him more fuel, he cared about her sure but wasn’t in love. When he meets you it terrifies him that there’s someone he can’t actually live without, not platonically. His fear would turn into overprotectiveness

He’s not proposing. You are together in his mind why is there a mess for anything extra. No it doesn’t matter if you want one there’s no need to gather any unwanted attention from enemies (they really believe the volturi care) sorry no proposing. You might get a ring as a gift but it doesn’t come with that implication. Doesn’t mean you guys aren’t exclusive or anything it’s just something trivial humans and he’s not interested. He will rip anyone head off for liking at you funny or suggesting otherwise about you two

G= Gentle (How gentle are they emotionally, physically?)

*sighs* Trying not to sound like a bitch here but I can’t help my vision of him. He’s very straightforward emotionally so he definitely is not gentle. He’s the type to see someone cry and just ask ‘why would blank make you cry that’s ridiculous’ he’s not trying to be rude he is just painfully unaware. Stefan would need to have a mate for him to make comments to do you can teach him because if it’s just you, we’ll you won’t be able to teach when you’re upset and Stephan is not meddling. If he makes you upset he will try and fix it but again he will just ask how he can fix it. He doesn’t think he does much wrong.

Same for the physicality of it all. He needs to be taught your love language because he is going to assume only touching you every here and there is enough. And for sleepovers it’s all hard, rough and intense. It’s still not often you have to finish afterwards he will help with that too, in fact I would say that’s when hes the gentlest. When your both laying naked together, you on his chest and he allows himself to be a bit more vulnerable at the moment.

H= Hugs (Are they a hugger? What do their hugs feel like? How much do they like to hug?)

Has trouble computing hugs. I would say if you guys get separated and he thinks you are dead for whatever reason and a while later you are able to come back. He’s hugging. I mean he’s going to insult you for scaring him at first but then he’s going to hug you and not let go for awhile. Yeah I would say hugs are for very serious situations only.

I= I love you (how soon did they know they were in love? How long did it take to say the words?)

Takes him forever and then some prodding from Stefan telling him he’s being an idiot and what he feels is actual love. He’s been checking up on you when he can and claims he just so happens to run into you or them depending on who he’s talking to. Takes even longer to admit he loves you. I hope you have a lot of patience for him because he’s got stuff to work through that he’s spent centuries ignoring

J= Jealousy (Do they get jealous easily? Do they try and make you jealous)

Yes and no. He’s got tunnel vision so he doesn’t realize that sometimes he isn’t paying attention to you, but if on the occasion where he was checking and he saw someone talk to you in a too nice of a way he would be fumingggg. And that’s whether you encouraged outside flirting or not. If he found you when you were human there’s a chance some of the people flirting mysteriously disappeared. On the other hand while he would think it’s cute if you got jealous he is not going to purposely try and do so.

K= Kisses (what do their kisses feel like? Where do they like to kiss you?)

Okay this is where I had to go back to my other head cannons because I seriously mix these two up. Anyway like I said before he doesn’t kiss you on the lips unless you’re in private quarters. Then his kisses are desperate and hungry, it’s honestly what gives away how much he depends on you because you’re like a drug to him. He loves to cradle your face and take in every inch of you before he begins to kiss you. It gets hot and heavy pretty quickly. He has gotten into the habit of kissing you on the cheek or temple whenever he walks into a room your in.

L= Littles (Do they want kids? What are they like around kids? How many?)

No. Nope. Not a chance. What is that? Why is it so little? Why does it make so much noise?

If someone were to hand him a child he would hold his arms out to carry them from a distance. Just doesn’t really care for kids and would rather keep his distance.

M= Mornings Memory

Gee I wonder what his strongest memory would be? Oh right. It’s losing his coven to the volturi. Easily he remembers everyone being confident that the fight would be simple, no one had ever really dealt with gifted vampires in battle. He remembers how his confidence turned into shock as his brothers fell down around him. Shock turned into fear as he grabbed a mourning Stefan and his old mate and began to flee. It then turned into anger as he dealt with the grief of losing his family members. Embarrassment as they became a lesson for others to not step out of line.

When he retells the story he leaves out the parts where he too had fled. He hates his cowardice at the moment, him and Stefan have a silent agreement on how to describe what happened that night. When they tried in vain to reinstate themselves as the higher ruling vampires it pains him to think about his old mate being a casualty of his and Stephan’s decisions, even if he hadn’t been in love there was still a connection they had shared, he often thinks of ways he could have changed the past

N= Nights Newborn

His newborn year was relatively simple. Humans were enslaved to be eaten he did not need to go hungry. He had been lucky that the original founder of the Romanian coven hadn’t devoured him as a meal and his sense of humor and battle ability allowed him to rule in the coven with the others.

O= Open up (When do they feel comfortable enough to open up? Is it all at once or painfully slow? Do you have to dig?)

I’m sure it’s no surprise that it takes a lot of work to get Vladimir to open up. Will he tell you the same story about the volturi he’s told to everyone yes, immediately. But ask him how he specifically felt about losing his family or mate and he’s going to try and change the subject or try and say he was just angry and it’s why he is waiting to overtake the volturi. Ask him what he would do if he accomplishes that and he’s going to realize he has no idea. He doesn’t like these questions move on. You have to be just as stubborn to press for answers and it’s going to be a lot of therapy ‘how did that make you feel’ questions. He needs someone to make him work through everything and honestly it’s going to take a long ass time. When he does admit to it though, he’s going to end up lashing out and throwing things and will need you to hug him and not let him keep avoiding how he feels . He’s going to eventually drop to his knees with silent sobs and you’ll have to just hold him until he’s ready to lay down.

P= Patience (Are they quick to anger? How do they calm down?)

Yep. He’s quick to get set off by any inconvenience sometimes it’s directed at you. But if you tell him you won’t allow him to talk to you like that he will try and apologize (the best he can anyway it’s not his strength)

Time is really all he needs to relax. If it is something small he would probably just need like ten minutes. If he’s mad at you or the way you reacted to his tantrums then he will probably take a few hours before he finds you and wraps his arms behind you to apologize. That is his way of apologizing for the most part because he hates saying the words

Q= Quiet/Quizzes(What do they like to do when they have time to be alone? What fun things do they remember about you? Do they remember everything?)

I actually think that Vladimir doesn’t enjoy being alone, no matter how much he will deny it and would rather hang out with someone. He lets his thought a get the best of him so he would rather not. If he does have to be alone for some reason he will busy himself with background noise and a task to keep him occupied. You once came home to what was probably the worlds tallest and most intricate house of cards. You had barely taken a picture when he knocked it down and began talking your ear off. All but dragging you to the room so he could feel connected with someone. You had to stop him before he took off both of your clothes and tell him it’s okay if you two just laying to tether. He rolls his eyes but is secretly grateful he can just hold you for awhile.

Obviously all vampires have perfect recall but his favorite memory of you is how you first came across them. He remembers thinking you were too nice and you should be more careful with who you talk to. He also remembers wanting to know more. He likes to go back to when you stood up for yourself when he was being too demanding. He liked that as nice as you were you weren’t a pushover and held your ground on how you should be treated. It’s one of his memories he doesn’t mind going over a million times.

R= Recovery (How you take of them and vice versa after a battle?)

Again hard to be damaged as a vampire so I’ll the two of you were separated during a battle they had been outnumbered in. Except this time he wasn’t going to leave without you no matter how much of a beating he was taking. You somehow make it out of the wreckage and once you are all a safe distance he just pulls you to him. Whispering ‘you’re okay’ both to you and to himself. He isn’t going to admit he’s hurting because of his ego so you’re going to have say you need a bath or something just so you can see the damage and help clean him up. Because he will be too stubborn otherwise.

S= Safety/Solution (How protective are they? How do they solve problems)

Very overprotective. Very very very overprotective. You guys are going to continue to be on the run for awhile after you get together. So he tries to make sure you’ve either got him or Stefan going with you if you need a bodyguard. Which you don’t but he won’t hear otherwise.

He’s not great with solutions. They are more ultimatums. So if you need some more freedoms because he is literally trying to control everything. He will jump to you guys just separating instead of coming to a middle ground. You are going to have to decide to call his bluff or try to explain that there’s a third option.

T= Try/ Touch (How much effort do they put in? When they need or want your touch what do they do? How often do they do this?)

He puts on an act as if he can’t be bothered to care but he does listen to things you like and he will go out of his way to deliver. Just on his on terms to make it more of a surprise that was listening.

He needs touch more often then he lets on. So coming up behind him if he was sitting and putting your hands on his shoulders and leaving a peck on the top of his head makes him melt. He just won’t admit to it, but if you try and walk away his hand will fly up to tug yours and ask you to stay.

U= Ugly Side (What a pet peeve of yours they have? Bad habits?)

He is very possessive and controlling and while you maybe able to make him budge on some instances more often than not he isn’t going to change his mind.

V= Vanity (Do they concern themselves over how they look?)

Yes. He enjoys dressing up powerfully and somewhat regally. He is careful to preserve the clothes he likes to wear. He isn’t vain he just cares for his appearance

W= Whole (What makes them feel complete?)

He enjoys not having his mind constantly being up painful memories. And the only time that happens is when you are laying next to him and he has his arm around you. He likes pulling you in close and being glad you’re his. I don’t think he will ever feel whole though, while his coven was put together for power they were his family and most of them are gone. It’s a piece of him that won’t ever be replaced

Y= Yuck (What do they not like in a partner?)

A volturi apologist. They are the villains end of story. I would also say someone too independent, if you refuse to do certain things to be extra cautious he’s going to get upset.

Z= Zzzzz (How do they sleep? Sleeping Habits?)

I’m not gonna lie I see him and his partner being the type to having to have sex with eachother before being able to end the day. He loves feeling your body rest on him afterwards and hold you close as you relax before the next day begins.