#i think i am actually going crazy i cant stop thinking abt them

[dethbug]

erm im being really cringe and allowing myself to gush publicly usually im too embarrassed but i cant contain it any longer

GUYS I AM NOT FUCKING SURVIVING AUGUST 22nd PLEASHBDjDHBfjkshdbfjksdhbf THE CLIPS ARE KILLING ME I CANT SURVIVE A WHOLE ASS MOVIE OF THIS

CHARLES...........PICKLES...............AOSfduiASIDFhasiu#h32iu4hiu34hi!""?!?!??!?

the fact they released two clips today and one has a lot of charles lines and the other has a lot of pickles lines....GOODBYE the face hold. the fact he slapped his hands together onto nathans face hes so unserious HJJHBEWJHBA ALSO THE CHANGE IN PICKLES' EXPRESSION WHEN NATHAN OPENED THE DOOR PLS....

[b4kuch1n]

I lied I think it’s fun to draw animals sometimes

[phagodyke]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

[chuuya-kisser]

im finally free so that i can fucking scream abt bsd 117 and tell my thoughts on this heartbreaker of a chapter (will def make another post feeding my delusions)

(spoilers utc)

firstly.

ASAGIRI. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUXK ASAGIRI. ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU ASAGIRI I THOUGHT YOU WERE KILLING-YOUR-CHARACTERS-PHOBIC?????? NOW YOUVE MELTED TWO IMPORTANT CHARACTERS IN TWO CHAPTERS???? WHOS GONNA GO NEXT CHAPTER HUH WHO'S NEXT IN YOUR DEATH NOTE

well

Uh yeah so anyways basically heart broken for multiple reasons so we'll go in order

1- aya. oh my gosh aya. shes what, a ten year old?????? and in the span of a day, she has found out about a vampire lord who is responsible for destroying or saving the whole world, shouldered the responsibility of getting said vampire lord away from the enemy to save the world, developed a father-daughter relationship with said vampire lord, sacrificed herself and got saved by him, believed that the world could be saved now, saw her new father figure's body be torn apart and replaced by a greasy ratass who wants to destroy everything or whatever, with said new father's last words telling her to run to save herself, being saved by said father, then having him dissolve and die again in front of her eyes again. shes a ten year old. what the actual fuck. oh and don't forget, she doesn't know that she lost her other father figure too!

gosh she is going to be SO traumatised and even that is an understatement i really hope she has the strength to recover

2- so akutagawa is back huh? about time, about time (though im not very happy about the cost it took- but atleast he's back?)and he has agreed to protect aya on brams wish? thats surprising honestly, so im wondering if the stuff atsushi told him while fighting him at the airport or whatever affected his subconscious or something so that he consciously wants to start protecting people?

OR maybe! he sees a bit of himself in aya or smth? i mean look i dont exactly remember what happened before he met dazai and was taken in by him okay, dont come at me. but maybe he sees that terrified little kid and something stirs in him or smth anyways go akutagawa go you're her third father figure please dont die again ‼️

(also he looks so good-)

3- and the biggest bombshell

kunikida.

KUNIKIDA‼️‼️ NO NO NO THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY HAPPENING PEOPLE THIS IS NOT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT I AM IN DENIAL

just- THINK ABOUT EVERYONE. think about atsushi and tanizaki. who saw him disappear slowly in front of their eyes, to buy them time. think about fukuzawa. who wished for kunikida to be the next president because he was the most ideal. who cares so much, even if he doesnt show it as much. think about aya. she has such a deep bond with kunikida, and now she'll have to face the devastating news that one of the only people who truly believed in her is gone too. think about ranpo and yosano.

think about dazai. who is much too far away to do anything right now, who miscalculated once which led to him being too far to stop fyodors rampage in any way. who was truly doing all this because he wanted to keep the detective agency safe. who, when he realises what will happen next, his first thought is to warn them. who was his new partner, kept him alive, even made him a part of his schedules. who i think he must have to care for, even a little bit.

dazai, who thinks that anything worth wanting is always lost the moment he obtains it. and its happened again. and by the looks of it, it will happen again.

i genuinely want to know how he'll react but i dont want to at the same time. gods i cant fucking do this man

like huhhh asagiri are you tryna make me cry or some shit???? Because youre succeesing SPECTACULARLY

also- are we gonna see tanizaki get liquefied too next chapter? because this panel sure looks like it

im scared for september now like what else are you gonna throw at us, huh asagiri? and what do you mean i have to wait a whole month this is crazy

and i am STILL in denial and will continue to be in denial guys wdym, ofc kunikida is alive and well! hes coparenting aya with bram, having fun at the agency and stuff ‼️‼️ hes perfectly peachy theres no helicopter singularity out for everyone's lives!!! (wow this post is LONG)

[aachria]

I am so unbelievably nervous for this chapter pooks you dont even know it andthe title sure doesn't sound very promising at all

Writing as im reading once again but I noticed how long my chapter commentary has been gwtting so I'll tryyyy to Tone It Down but i make no promises. The length of my commentary is only dictated by how absolutely crazy you decide to make this chapter.

Ace and Sabo giving ed a shovel talk is everything ive wanted since the marriage i beg you to let ace live long enough to get mad at ed for not telling him pretty please 😭🙏

Oooh the gift for Sabo i was gonna send an ask abt it since ive been rereading the fic this weekend but i figured you wouldn't forget it

LUFFY AND SABO INTERACT8ONS 😤🦅😭😤🦅😭😤😭🦅😤😭🦅😭😤😭🦅😭🦅😭🦅🙏🙏🗣🗣🗣‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Im very much unready to read the strawhats be separated i have cried too many times reading this fic and im certain this will be the worst to date

STOP 😭 ed's jst going on abt keeping the crew safe and i can feel the tears coming

HOLD ON if ed is in fact staying with luffy, thing i should've guessed from last chapter, does that m3an they're meeting boa? Omg. I am suddenly so much more excited for the next set of chapters, thing that i did not think was possible.

Once again i ask myself when the fuck ed learned gymnastics 😭

Not the "i definitely did that on purpose" after they slam into a fucking building like sure you did 🤨 and i definitely believe you 🤨

"Its as straight as you can get" made me crack up

I will be so completely honest with you i have no idea what the fuck is going on like a good 40% of fights but thats jst because i have trouble translating the moves into a movie in my head

"Adam Sandler? What are you doing here? And in a bright yellow pinstripe suit sounding stoned out of his damn mind, too." I had not expected to laugh this much in this chapter i was fr bracing myself to cry. 🧍‍♀️. Now that i think abt it you might just be lowering our guard so that it hits harder 🤨

AND ED'S SAVIOR COMPLEX HITS AGAIN WITH BLAMING THEMSELVES ONCE MORE !!!

so. Luffy and Ed separation. I cant bring myself to be sad this shit was written so well 😭 just "wait for me" and "ill always find you" ugh just throw an "unquestionably" in there and id cry there could be one every chapter and id still cry every single time

Im so fucking excited for ed to meet coin hopefully next chapter 🤭

Amazing chapter as always!! Surprisingly didnt cry!! Thank you!! I cannot fucking wait for the Wednesday chapter

I pulled out the Rio Romeo you KNOW it was gonna be a rough one.

Tfw you're tying to give your baby brother's S/O the shovel talk but you're also stuck in the scaffolding at your own execution and your baby brother's S/O is also your friend who you have cried about your self worth and daddy issues to.

That fucking black book plot bunny has been hopping around FAR TOO LONG, so I had to take it out back and shoot it and by that I mean finally deliver it to it's intended recipient.

Mmmmmmm Boa

Look Ed had gymnastics beamed directly into their head by GOD does that make sense?

When I write combat I do it 70% for the vibes 20% for the quips and humor and 10% for the actual fighting. If you have no idea what is happening you and I are on the same page.

Ed got them self worth issues in them where the dog should be 💪💪💪

God I cannot wait for Coin & Ed content. Love those two.

I am so proud of you for not crying. I cried writing it. That baby was cooked with TEARS.

[fleshdyk3]

Why don’t you like the pills that make you green comics? Not meant to be passive aggressive or anything, I’m genuinely curious.

intersexist and transmisogynistic implications, the original creator is clearly too starstruck by getting so much attention and "fans" to think critically about the comics ppl are submitting (many of which are blatantly transmisogynistic). the original comic was fine but it really should have stopped after that bc the creator as well as everyone else making their own comics are trying to illustrate real nuanced issues which you just cant really do with stick figures that are different shades of green, especially as the simile clearly wasn't made with the intention of it evolving to be able to make these nuanced points and trying to use it anyways is just clunky inefficient and confusing when you could just talk about it normally. i could be wrong about some of the specifics of the individual comics bc i never kept up with them and havent seen anywhere near all of them but last i checked there was only one comic which acknowledged the existence of intersex ppl (which is crazy) and in this comic the intersex person, who was trans too and talking abt how their experiences as an intersex person affected their gender/transness, was purple for some reason? that just kinda rubbed me the wrong way like why are we so other? even though this person is also trans why are they completely different? idk it just felt weird to me. there are multiple comics that address transmisogyny within the trans community, both by the creator and "fans", and they all have a vibe of "these hysterical trans women are making up problems to get mad at when i (the reasonable transmasc/non transfem) am smartly pointing out that we should be focusing on the transphobes instead". theres one with two people using the shades of green that represent trans women and trans men respectively arguing about who is going to be put in the contraption first and the smart reasonable protagonist is like ☝️🤓 actually i think we should dismantle the contraption all together and then all their problems are solved after that. which is just weird. i dont know anything at all about the op so i could be missing some context and also its really not much of an issue at all i just dont like it bc of this. like not to be the smart reasonable protagonist but there are bigger problems within trans communities to focus on than the pills that make you green comic. i just dont like it

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII MACINTOSH i forgor 2 ask this earlier BUT. free card 2 talk about ur cauldron thoughts now that u know they r doing unethical human experimentation & also the other two members of the triumvirate etc Know About It... if u want... do u have any pepe silva redstringing going on.... eyes emoji eyes emoji.... anyway HI i would love so much 2 bother u more abt deadwood & also worm stuff i have been. thinking abt fucking nhw all day. its dire. unfortunately it is friends & extended family socialization hours for mee <333 anyway hope u had a good day!!!

OUGH THE EXTENDED FAMILY SOCIALIZATION..... you are so so so strong dude. sending u all of my remaining energy in the form of LONG FUCKING POST ABOUT WORM LETS GO.

OKAY . put that under a cut bc i know I'm gonna ramble. I have so many thoughts and none of them are coherent.

FUCK CAULDRON MAN. LIKE . THEYRE AWESOME. BUT THEY JUST FILL ME WITH SUCH A SENSE OF DREAD. they feel like. to me. they feel like the Big Bad of worm . not so much in the final boss kind of way but in the "underground corporation that is morally bankrupt enough to do unethical human experimentation seems to have its fingers in basically every single cape organization out there." maybe that's overstating their reach a bit but. THE PROTECTORATE ?!?!?!? LEGEND!??!!??! the fucking slaughterhouse nine apparently !?!?!?!?!?!?! what are u gonna tell me next, they fucking. made one or all of the endbringers or something !?!?!?!?!?!?! (<< this is my most wild theory but in my defense i don't know anything about simurgh yet and that one seems suspicious in some way. if I'm right about this I'll crawl on my roof and scream at the sky.)

ok ok ok thoughts feelings emotions yes. but also. taking a second here to lay out the facts that I think I know so far. 1) cauldron is doing human experimentation (awesome for me). pretty straightforward. 2) AT LEAST ONE of the protectorate capes are cauldron-made. We know about legend (and battery but shes not at the same level legend is if i remember correctly). it was KIND OF IMPLIED???? that eidolon might be too??????? what the fuck were they talking about injections with him. sus. and if 2/3 are cauldron capes. why would alexandria be any different. what the FUCK the implications of this are insane. 3) they have also created VILLAINS. and while they say they actively discourage it, they also admit that they cant exactly stop it from happening. and also tjeyre proven liars. they specifically told battery to let siberian and shatterbird escape. siberian's creator/real body/whatever the hell he is to her had the cauldron brand. which leads me to think that shatterbird is probably a cauldron cape too. trying to cover their tracks???? pretty disastrous if two of the SLAUGHTERHOUSE NINE show up with identical tattoos that can be traced back to the shadowy underground organization that also created some of the most revered heroes. thats a fucking timebomb waiting to happen.

wait as im typing this. i think im confusing the protectorate and the triumvirate. you know what i mean i hope. i also know what i mean but unfortunately i am Stupid and there are So Many names. anyway moving on.

UHHHHHH . FUCK. theory wise. i dont know if i have any solid theories other than the fact that i think cauldron as an organization will turn out to be the bbeg. also that thing i said about the endbringers except thats less of a theory i actually believe and more of a "wouldnt that be fucking crazy huh". i dont think i have enough information yet to guess at their MOTIVES but... i think its going to turn into a "the whole system has been corrupt from the beginning and the difference between heroes and villains is more of an act to keep the rest of the world in check than anything else." i keep going back to that thing one of the brockton bay heroes said in the first wards interlude. where one of them said something like "that would ruin the show" thats a thing that happened right????????? the fuckingggg. merchandization of the heroes drives me a little crazy. theyre like celebrities. actually no theyre more like a sports team where you root for them to beat the "bad guys" and obviously its not that simple because the villains ARE terrible and are doing awful things with their powers a lot of the time (kaiser, the s9, etc etc) but also like... you have ppl like the undersiders and faultline's crew and the travellers. who are just like.... people with a goal. BUT YOU ALSO HAVE THE HEROES. WHO. fuck!!! after this last interlude!!!!! fucking alexandria and eidolon, two of THE MOST heroes in the world!!! are aware of and ambivalent to unethical human experimentation and will continue to allow it to happen!!!! and on a smaller scale youve got armsmaster (everything about him) and miss militia ("just shoot her in the head dont worry about it") and also the entirety of the child soldier- i mean wards program. like. its all so fucked. its all SO fucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and cauldron probably has their greasy little paws in all of the leading parties!!!!!!

god i am so NOT good at putting my thoughts about this kinda shit into words but just know i have been fucking blender microwave comboing this for HOURS now. the kitchen is a MESS. i KNOW theres something im forgetting here. augh. may reblog this with more thoughts later. i was originally also gonna tlak about nhw a little bit but GOD im jsut thinking about cauldron now.

[pansy-picnics]

in one of ur order posts you mentioned cass and lance understanding each other and I am VERY interested to hear ur thoughts. I always thought those 2 would have a fun dynamic...

AUGHHHHH YES THANK YOU I THINK SO TOO….!!!!!! Idk it’s kind of a mess when i try to put it into words but it’s like…something about them both being in the ��shadow” of rapunzel and eugene respectively. they just both handle it very differently…bc lance i feel is always looking out for others and it leads him to neglect himself a lot, but when he really looks into it and he sees eugene’s growth and how he’s come into his own…how he’s found his roots and even his father….as happy for him as he is lance can’t help but feel a bit bitter sometimes. it’s the secondary character syndrome yk!!!! lance just hasn’t really reached a “breaking point” like cass has because he’s trying to manage it in a healthier way…he’s trying to make a life for himself with what he has and he’s realizing he likes things a lot as they are. but that doesn’t make that grief of what he wish he could’ve had just go away….so when he does confide in someone abt those feelings nobody rlly gets it more than cass does. and more than anyone else LANCE is the one who truly understands why cass did what she did.

this little fic of them is very important to me... this one is also one i think about a lot. it’s hard to find lance fics in this economy. :( i like to think they bonded a little leading up to destinies collide, not enough for cass to change her mind about leaving but enough to give them both some food for thought you feel me…..they both just have this unspoken Understanding with each other, and they both admire each other a lot. the shenanigans cass lance and eugene would get into would also be SO silly so it’s a shame we never really saw them interact </3

cass seems to be inherently drawn to the golden retriever type anyways whether she likes it or not so i’m sure lance and rapunzel drag her out on day trips all the time. she and lance gossip together and stuff yk...i think post series she’ll often still go out of the kingdom for work trips (in my head after settling with rapunzel she works as an ambassador for corona, mostly just to be able to get out more while still helping raps), and sometimes in the middle of the night as shes on her way back she’ll stop at his place in old corona just to steal food from him. leaves him a horribly written note and a cool rock or something. like. “Took a piece of the pie in the oven. There were already slices taken out so I figured it’d be fine. Oh I’m back btw. Not dead yet”

they also play pranks on eugene together ALL the time and this is canon actually i made the show. lance can honestly get her to do anything if he can convince her it’ll annoy eugene somehow /hj

ALSO LANCE BEING A WINGMAN FOR CASSUNZEL IS SOMETHING I NEED SOOOOO BAD AND I CANT BELIEVE NOBODY’S THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE. Like honestly i think if she were to tell a single soul about her hopeless crush it would be lance. i think he’s the only one who would be normal about it and keep it a secret tbh. lance just keeps randomly trying to put them in Situations together and cass is getting really suspicious that he’s doing it on purpose but she doesn’t REALLY have any actual evidence so she can’t say anything and it’s driving her crazy. rapunzel is just like “Cassss don’t be silly ur overthinking it ^_^” (shes lying to herself)

IDK. I THINK THEY’D HAVE SILLY SHENANIGANS AND THEY MAKE ME EMO TBH. The secondary characters always cursed to live in someone else’s shadow…..finding solace and friendship in each other………..Though one is sidelined for a much more obvious reason than the other (cough cough RACISM) but its Fineeeee its fine i’m normal about it😁 /s

[intertexts]

TRIVIA TIIIIIME. THIS IS ONE OF THE LONGEST ONES YET !!!! IM SO FUCKING HYPE FOR U TO BE HERE THIS IS A BIG MILESTONE

EPISODE 13 TRIVIA:

- FIRST OFFICIAL PIECE OF MARK WINTERS ART !!!!!! HELL YEAAAAAH THIS ONE IS SO FUCKING COOL. this man haunts me

- bizly is talking about how he was fucking SWEATING all week before they recorded this ep bc he thought for sure william and vyncent were gonna just get in there and mirder the lich immediately. grizzly starts to say something like "no i wont-" and bizly cuts him off like "im not worried about YOU. youre my shining star, my golden boy"

- charlie, in response to this: "well. you should feel better because i cant even win against a WALL"

- grizzly: "i was really hoping youd take the bait and depower the villains. i was hoping to give you a cool idea with that"

- "the lich shouldnt even be alive, hes undead, hes breaking the laws of-"

charlie, interrupting "OKAYYY HEY NOW LETS NOT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT" << GETTING. INSULTED ON WILLIAMS BEHALF. AHA

- Dakotas memory about his dad pranking him in the car is an ACTUAL THING THAT GRIZZLYS DAD USED TO DO !?!?!?!!

- "william took 4 degrees of failure from punching a wall so hard your bone popped out" "yeah kind of like how i took 4 degrees of failure from sniffing a bag of doritos. kind of like how i took 4 degrees of failure from dakota comically picking me up and throwing me into a dumpster. all my trips to the spirit world are so pathetic"

- bizly: "okay let me say. you were going to go to the spirit world at the end of this regardless, i just saw an opportunity there and took it. originally i was gonna have you see a wisp while you were alive and follow it through a door or something" << AAURGRHRGHRGGH. i loooove talking abt williams powers

- HELLOOOOO THE FUCKING ANIMATIC. GOD. MAKES ME FUCKING CRAZY

- they all want to do a body swap episode. fully freaky friday moment where they cant switch back until they learn something about each other. i also want them to do this i think it would be funny

- bizly: "i love dakota dakota is one of my favorite characters in media."

(bizly: "because i relate to him"

charlie: "well THATS worrying.")

- "dakota doesnt necessarily *ignore* the why when thing happen hes just really... slow. it takes him a long time to reflect on things. it either takes him a really long time to process things and come to a conclusion OR he will just pull sage wisdom out of thin air because hes so simple minded. he'll just think for a really long time before he comes to these ideals that ive written for him as a player. itll come around, it'll just take him a long time to get there. as a player i know what kind of hero i want dakota to end up as at the end of it all" << i cant even add anything to this. grizzlyplays i am shaking you like a sack of rocks

- another mention about how dakota and chip riptide would be best friends i love this recurring bit

- "what did you guys think about seeing wavelength in the prison"

"uhh. hes mean :("

"it was awesome seeing him again, he scares me"

"it made me feel guilty that we havent found ashe yet"

- grizzly: "if he gets out of prison im gonna kill him" << HEAD IN HANDS

- "william wisp experiences incompetence consistently"

- hey remember in the episode how when william rolled to see if he was okay breathing inside the prison cell and bizly said something along the lines of "youre only hyperventilating because you *think* you should be, youre actually fine" << think about this in context with what you know now :) and hold onto it for the beginning of 14

- theyre talking about what happened between william and mark over the 10 month timeskip: william contacted him at some point, not really about anything in particular, just to ask him if he knew anything about ashe that could help thsm find him/updating him on their progress finding ashe. then when they started playing again william stopped contacting him (for meta reasons, charlie just forgot that was an option BUT) bizly took note of that anyway and thats why mark was so hostile right off the bat. he just like. stopped hearing things from william and didnt know what was going on anymore. so when they showed up here and had no update on ashe whatsoever it just made him think they werent actually doing anything to find him

- grizzly: "man you would thing being in prison and losing his son would give this man some perspective and adjust his personality but he just became more of an asshole"

bizly: "no, the problem is youre not thinking about it from his perspective!! youre only thinking about it from dakotas point of view where hes a villain and hes doing bad things so hes bad. hes just a guy who thought he was doing what he had to do to keep his son safe"

charlie: "okay but he like locked his son up forever"

bizly: "yeah i never said he was a good person! and then some teenagers came along and made him rebel and now he wants to be a super hero and the first thing that happens is he gets possessed" << THANK YOUUUU BIZLY. THANK YOU BIZLY. JUSTICE FOR MY HORRIBLE MAN

- they keep referring to overlord as "alligator guy" because they forgot his name. charlie even at one point goes "yeah and he was a crocodile or whatever, dont you know those are power level 9" << this will never stop being funny to me

- "HEY WILLIAM what do you think about dying again"

- charlie is Very concerned about the no blood thing. his theory rn is that the archway he saw was like "crossing over" for ghosts. like fully passing on and not being ghosts anymore. seeing himself/his memories in the prison cells was very poetic, he kind of feels trapped by himself right now. hes the most curious about the 5 empty chairs and what that could possibly mean

- theyre trying to figure out who the group of 5 could possibly be. williams old group didnt have 5 people, prime defenders doesnt have 5 people even with ashe so they have no ideas right now and are excited to find out more :)

- "williams pretty fucked up right now to be honest!!! we just spent an episode and a half arguing about how we're allowed to kill the lich because its undead and not human. and then he learns hes fucking deteriorating. uh oh! now hes probabky thinking 'am i even a person?' i dont even know if he knows what to think about the spirit world right now i think hes just kind of panicked"

- "if only the ghost of party city were here, hed know what to say about this"

- "how is vyncent feeling right now?" "hes still kind of pissed. his one goal of killing the lich after all these years was just ripped away from him. hes accepted it for now but if that lich escapes. man hes gonna go nuts"

SUCH an insanely good episode dude hoooooly shit. head in hands. everybody say thank u bizlychannel!!!!! man. this was SO good man it really does feel like.... not a turning point, necessarily, but very important. honestly, really glad that by now they've had time to really like, sit with their characters & the world & let it all steep for a while? this season already really feels like such a tonal shift & kind of a step up frm season 1 so far!! (NOT that season 1 also wasn't really fucking good. but a lot of what we've got in s2 so far feels a lot more settled and cohesive) im here for it!!! LOVED the animatic that shit was crazy. if thats a precedent they're setting now im gonna go wild.

I ALSO THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA MURDER THE LICH. i was like ohhhh great this is how we get the vigilante on the run arc its gonna be so bad theyre never gonna see tide again. phew!!!! i mean, i, too, still think the lich should be dead. but. also yeah WHAT DO YOU MEAAAN THATS A REAL THING HIS DAD DID. FUCKING CRAZY.

what else.. having so many thoughts about william's Situation . as always. man. it's so fucked up. i have no clue where any of it's going dude... the only thought i have is that i don't think. we have any real context for the five thrones thing yet. i don't think that's related to anything we already know except. mayyybe mal. i think that's some spirit world-specific bullshit! we'll see though. we'll see.

YEAH <333 DAKOTA IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS IN MEDIA TOO <33333 auaurrghghhggghhh. ohh hes so everything 2 me. also i love seeing characters who don't Get Everything Immediately. like yeah! you got time to parse through it all in yr brain man. hell yeah rotate it in ur mind for weeks before coming to a conclusion!! no one has their entire belief system hammered out in advance!!

+ also feeling fucking unhinged over mark winters. as always.

[bunnihearted]

⃝ .. 📓 ‧₊˚ 🦢

trying really hard but i cant lie, this hurts like so much actually.... for so many reasons. i didnt only 'lose' the future i wanted and the love i wanted to invest in, but also one of my only two 'safe persons'. which i lost my first one too. and that just stings and hurts x100 worse. esp since i used to believe no one but my mom would ever be a 'safe person' (an avpd thing). i wouldve been like so incredibly lucky if the person i was in love with was also a safe person to me, then smth like a relationship would actually be possible.. but idk maybe it could be possible without that too, just more work ig? but yeah i didnt only lose all that and am not only heartbroken bc someone i truly wanted to be with and love, wont be within my reach anymore. but also.. simply losing a safe person is painful in of itself.

but yeahh. trying really trying bc reality is reality but every single day it all just hurts so much. other ppl might think im insane and maybe nobody gets it, i feel like nobody gets it, but it simply just does hurt. a lot. maybe i just think and feel and operate on different wave lengths than most ppl, but this really did mean so fkn much to me. it was something real and true to me. i could imagine and envision it so vividly i could taste it, and i have never wanted anything more than that. i wouldve and wanted to do everything.... anything.... i dont know i just dont know. bc it was smth so big for me even in the beginning, and the fact that i could even message him every single day.. multiple times a day.. for 3 months.. ppl dont get it but that is like impossible for me. during a week or two i might be able to reply once a day, but mostly im like wow it's been 3 weeks and i havent replied. and yeah thats shitty and i hate that abt myself, but it has to do with my avpd and i have no fkn idea what to do abt it. when i was in school i texted my friends every single day after school and during the night no problem. now thats so hard to me. so the fact that i could do that with him bc i wanted it so bad is a big thing for me in of itself. and i couldve kept going, i wasnt the one who stopped which i always am.. and like this is from my pov, im not one to be mad or upset that someone takes time to reply. i get it. i did get it and i was sad that we didnt talk every day anymore and i felt like i was harrassing him if i wouldve kept saying gm and gn every single day, so i didnt and i wanted to give space and not suffocate... but every single day i wanted to spend every single second with him. im scared that im actually crazy lol...

so... its wild to me to think of but i really couldve just kept going and i wanted to but its not only up to me. i wanted more more more but smth .. i feel like i tried to talk abt certain topics but explained them so clumsily that it got missunderstood and then smth shifted and ... a wall? idk. i dont know. i think and think and think even if theres nothing to do to change the past. but i still go over it obsessively... i wanted more wanted to keep going wanted to evolve it it couldve evolved but then it just stopped and i scrambled to get it back onto the train tracks but idk. i just do not know. what i can know is that from me, i, wanted to keep it going, keep it rolling, until it wouldve naturally ended up in the destination i could see, could taste, wanted. knew and felt it would end up in. thats what i know. i dont know more tho...

i also know that it hurts so bad and im trying to not mind it but like ohmyfuckinggod?????????????? what is wrong with my brain? what is wrong with me????? what normal person does this........

[yuukei-yikes]

shintaro and kanos toxic relationship can be something so deeply appealing because of how horrible they are for each other. like. kano having to analyze his actual emotions towards shintaro and shintaro also finally giving in to the im bisexual crisis and also dude youre aware thats your dead girlfriend’s little brother right? also something something kano getting upset with shintaro and using his eye powers to turn into ayano just to hurt him. theyre unhealthy. they make me absolutely insane ok sorry if this was unintelligible in ur inbox lmao

RIGHT but ALSO IT COULD EVENTUALLY TURN INTO SOMETHING HEALTHY... like ofc a lot of clownery has to go on before and that clownery is so so so so so so much fun to explore. but i do think they're capable of getting to a point of a peaceful relationship despite it involves mutual compliance/resignation with both each other and themselves that leads to WOW eventual happiness and contentment with each other. it gets to a point where they aren't together out of their own gratification but bc they LIKE EACH OTHER AS PEOPLE AND YEAH THEY ALWAYS DID BUT THEY NEVER LIKED EACH OTHER MORE THAN THEY RESENTED EACH OTHER BUT NOW THEY DONT RESENT IT THEY JUST LIKE EACH OTHER AND THATS ENOUGH(holds head) bc "well i guess we deserve each other" and it is still sad but...not so much?? idk if that makes sense. but like... Healthy peaceful kanoshin (explodes) like they're arguing and getting all on each other's faces and the Dan's like can u stop fighting and theyre like ?? that's just how we talk though we arent fighting? and they rly arent. ppl who have never been in a loving relationship (not necessarily romantic by the way) with this dynamic wont understand but it IS possible. *shakes you*

idk ive read some stuff where they're so tooth rottingly sweet to each other and i just can't see it💔 i think they can have rare tender moments ofc and they DO but then both act super awkward despite they're in a relationship LOL like they can have 1 tender moment then turn around and just sit there holding hands and awkwardly scrolling on their phones idk idk idk (goes crazy) or they just tease each other abt it or whatever. i think they both rather show affection physically rather than verbally?? i think kanos super touchy. shintaros like do u have to sit here (shot of the completely empty couch aside from shintaro sitting on the edge and kano pressed right beside him) and kano's like wdym. kano's always with an arm around him even if hes shorter. hehe. its so normal shintaro gets used to it so kano just casually throws himself on his lap and shintaro's just like lifting his arms to give him space and never looks away from his phone *destroys all my pillows shaking them like a dog*

not me getting into love language territory. sorry. whatever. idk what all of them even are i think there is 5 but kanoshin is NOT words of affirmation. i think both want them but can't handle hearing it. like yeah they flirt (it IS cringe) but man idk i just cant imagine them being super outwardly sweet to each other... like their flirting is super cringe its the oh REAAAALLY?? kind of flirting not HEHE... kind. DO U UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING OR AM I INSANE

sorry u sent an ask abt toxic kanoshin and i answered with fluff THATS NOT TO SAY UR WRONG. UR TOTALLY RIGHT. BUT I THINK THEY CAN GET TO A GOOD POINT TOGETHER AFTER A LONG CIRCUS MOMENT i just felt bad i kept using them as punching bags everytime i talked abt them... and they are both so capable of love. they are so capable of love that is why they suffer like they do(holds head) they deserve to flirt and be silly i think. tender kanoshin *world explosion*

BTW u mentioned dead ayano. dont get me started on dead or alive ayano for str thats another subject (quickly: dead ayano is a more meaningful end but AYANO I LOVE YOU so i always keep her alive in my post str stuff) kanoshin can work even if ayano lives‼️‼️‼️ ALSO COME ON THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH FUNNIER

[maybevillage]

omg your ffxiv journey is so sweet ;____; it's so touching to see other haurchefant fans waaaaah everything in ishgard is so crazy. do you have any thoughts? on his family, ysayle, estinien? aymeric?

awwww ty i feel like all i've really done is tweet "i love haurchefant" or complain abt fantasy racism but i'm happy you think so...! and yess infinite love for haurchefant forever i was not expecting to fall for him like that at all. he is literally perfect.......!!!

im actually obsessed w ishgard im hoping you understand that asking for my thoughts on anything is opening a floodgate but i will try to reel it in! ok! here we go!

ok i love ishgard.... i love its extremely insular and severe and almost monastic atmosphere. i am a hugeee fan of secluded locations as the setting of a story so when i realised hvw was going to be largely about ishgard i was so excited. i also really love plots where characters are in hiding/have to take refuge in a hidden and secretive place??? and then the fact that the place you have to take refuge in is haurchefants family home??? i started writing fanfic immediately i literally felt like i was being spoiled like they wrangled that from my brain i genuinely couldn't believe i could experience so much luxury all at once. of course that's been ruined after doing the vault which i have been genuinely handing terribly but. moving on!

emmanellain is so funny and i think the contrast between him and artoirel (silliness/overconfidence vs seriousness/insecurity) is really interesting, down to where you go with them on their separate missions. really fun way of exploring more of ishgard. i like their dad too he's genuinely sweet which i thought was a nice surprise. it really stuck out to me this one moment where the war worsens and he says you can't stay anymore bc its become so dangerous, bc i just automatically assumed everyone would beg you to stay and help. that really touched me. i feel like hvw somehow passed my convoluted eq test

also learning haurchefant was an illegitimate son in the way you do w artoirel just telling you really stood out to me o__o not bc that kind of thing is an issue but bc of how you learn it idk backstory on the characters kind of throws me off in a good way bc of how linear the game is. idk i cant formulate thoughts on haurchefant rn itd need its own post. some other time..

i don't believe in things like nobility as an actual moral concept, obviously, and fantasy games let alone ishgard really test my patience with it, but i do love it aesthetically. same w christianity. i really like idk arthurian medieval aesthetics. the high houses + their motifs really got me like i specifically love unicorns and roses if hvw was trying to appeal to me directly it knew exactly how. ishgard's politics too i thought that shit was so interesting i'd love to learn more about the rocky relationships btwn the houses. and we loveeeee toppling the church thank you heavensward

there were a lot of times though where i was really frustrated with the dragonsong war and this is my issue with ffxiv in general but the way it treats beast races is extremely disturbing. i pretend i cant read whenever a character on the "good" side talks about "civility" or "reason/sense". and the ishgard lore being ppl directed by their god to inhabit a land only to find that land inhabited by "savages" (the dragons) that they have to kill now bc as "reasonable" beings they have a religious claim to that land...is an insane thing to write about!!! jrpgs are crazy!!!!!! like i genuinely need it to stop but i guess they at least (???) kind of turned things around with hresvelgr and ysayle offering the perspective of the other side and i think they made it an interesting issue enough for the game but lord it is disconcerting. that being said the foundation of ishgard being a total lie (and being described constantly as a sin) is still a lot of fun to me like thank god. and the quirky somewhat found family journey w ysayle, estinien and alphinaud to unearth the truth was one of the best parts of hvw imo. i loved seeing estinien act almost like an older brother to alphinaud, and for estinien and ysayle to constantly be at odds and alphinaud trying to keep things together. i am so fond of that section of the game.. just felt like you were climbing higher and higher into figurative heaven (i love the title heavensward im glad they used it in such fun ways) and seeing stubborn bastards like estinien question what he knew. he was so funny by the way i was not expecting that even though i knew an estinien was a popular char in the game for a while. i also like ysayle a lot like her passion was very compelling, and when she finally talks to hresvelgr the way her goals would be tinged w a sort of self-serving personal feeling at times i found really interesting. all of it was so interesting whenever the plot strayed from ishgard id be like take me back PLEASEEE. idk i like chars who behave like tools (estinien) or become tools by accident (ysayle). i think those two should hang out and bicker and begrudgingly accept each other forever

also i love aymeric like i already loved aymeric from post-arr idk if you play w another dub but his english voice has this softness to it that i find so cute. idk he's kind of delicate to me maybe not what they were going for but i'm into it. the fact that post-arr to me is just watching aymeric and haurchefant be in a wol-loving contest MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACHGHH i love the ishgardians how much they like wol in a place that's notorious for being so cold is so great. i think love is real on earth. and not in the self-insert "i need every char in this game to want me" way i just mean that i like love a lot, and they are not shy about the fact that they love you. its great. also when they revealed aymeric was actually an idealist and that getting jailed as a heretic meant little to him if it could bring about a new ishgard--literal nail in my coffin. i love idealism!! i was really pleasantly surprised that the nobles you come to know decided to care more about bringing in a new age for the region rather than being noble. whether or not that change comes is to be seen ofc.. but considering the brume is a location that exists well. what is with this game and the fantasy cops always being really bad...? like is ffxiv actually down for the cause...? (joke)

ik ishgard has its whole classism thing going on but that seems more like fray's department now which i have yet to dance with.. i mean literally just dissolve the class system...but this post is already very unorganised so. no more. i would pay an infinite amount of money to bring haurchefant back. each time i think about him i slip up and think about his gravestone instead and feel nauseous. great game!

[angelsofneonandgarbage]

sorey for being a bit. scary on main. i just finished madk vol. 3 which is finally out in english and i was so excited for it but the ending is a near closed-loop cyclical ending which always really bothers me n puts me in a state in nihilistic anxiety/dissociation idk but also. it just makes me wanna feel things again. i wanna stop taking my meds. ive had the upped dose for a week ish now n its bringing back my paranoia which should settle in a week tops but it's bothering me bc it means i cant listen to tma bc that's creepy enough to set it off. sorry i swear my mental health has actually been better these last couple of days im slowly regaining mental functionality to an extent but i keep slipping and falling and i just. don't have the spoons to figure out every problem i have and address them enough to be functional again. like there's the attachment problems w my ex which keep coming back every time i feel like jm getting over them, the chronic exhaustion and general symptoms of pots, my meds fucking with me, general depression but also manic episodes, the fact im way over budget but my mum wants me to get her a 60 quid fountain pen for her birthday/mothers day and im not going to be there to see her around that time anyway sso i have even less of an excuse to cheap out. and ive been committedly lying abt my mental state to my parents to convince them im getting better than i was at xmas even tho im worse bc my mum will come up here and invade my uni life if she realises how bad i am doing

ah yeah i hate when fiction leads to like a major dissociative bit especially bc i love to use media as an escape when im floating out my body and then it goes and makes it worse and sets off a chain reaction of pent up shittiness? the absolute worst fr

not to sound like an overbearing parent but pls take ur meds !!!!! ik it sucks rn getting thru the adjustment phase but think of how things will change once u get used to them! u may not notice a crazy positive change right away but think of the small things. like u can listen to tma again once ur adapted to ur meds!! even if it’s something small that gets u thru daily tasks like that. u could take ur pills in the morning and be like “this is for u martin”

and oh god ex drama we both know that one well. idk if it would help but maybe if every time u have a like thought abt them that makes u feel any way that’s great just text me ur thoughts to try and get them out yk. like how i texted u like “the voices!!” when i was talking abt my ex like the other week pls feel free to do that back if u think it would help

and exhaustion and depression suck man i wish i had some like quippy little tip or smthn for u there but i’m suffering right there with u on those. and maybe just the thought that we’re going thru that together could help? holding ur hand thru the horrors <3

and oh man money problems r the worse omg. ik u said the pen is like 60 quid and mothers day is coming up so idk what ur like personal budget is looking like but me when i’m trying to make bigger purchases is i set aside a few bucks a day like just a few dollars $2 or $3 nothing that seems like a lot just a little snack or drink price but somthing that adds up a decent bit when done for a few days straight and u have like two ish weeks till then right? so u could make a decent dent with that plan

and hey i’m all for lying to parents but i think u shoukd consider the possibility that u may need to ask for help at one point even tho that’s so hard and ur mom will get all up in ur business but maybe it could help. or u could think of ur daily life like ur mom is there or nearby as a way to like watch urself and try to control what ur doing if that makes sense?

[motherfricker]

I actually didn’t want to block you because I enjoy your posts and like you as a person a lot. I considered us as pretty close mutuals. But apparently you can’t stop posting about me so, yeah, I think that’s a little sad. I hope that you learn how to have a discussion in the future. You’re clearly still a child but I think you have a lot of potential; I still like your writing and I think we can agree on a lot of things. I don’t have anything against you as a person. Never had, never will.

That discussion had nothing to do with you and that you’re taking it this personal is really sad to me. Again, I’m sad that it ended this way, I appreciated your blog and the Nero photos you sent to me but making posts over and over again after a discussion and getting nasty during it, is really not how you should handle these things. I wish you the best, truly. (I commented this before but my comments disappear when I block you so yeah, maybe you have the chance to read this when you have time)

dude i think you literally just cannot have a proper discussion without somehow managing to tire people out 😭 it was actually crazy how you wouldn't accept poverty being a character motivator, im literally not aristotle do you think im going to focus on a characters motivations that deeply when im watching a movie, im literally going to focus on the cinematography and the score and atmosphere more because it's visually stimulating

it was actually genuinely so frustrating trying to get that through to you and trying to give you an answer that would make you stop asking pen and i the same question over and over again, oh my god 💀 ive literally seen you do the same thing with other people on ur blog that try to talk abt movies or books & the like, like you genuinely come across as someone who thinks their opinion is right, and im sorry that im saying it like this but then i really do need you to understand 😭 like no matter how much you read Aristotle or shakespeare or whatever it's not going to make you a good critic if you can't look at stuff and acknowledge the different thought processes that have gone into mediums & storytelling, looking at the skeleton of an art piece is the same as looking at nothing at all if youre not going to acknowledge the flesh of it.

like if you genuinely think that movie has bad writing I can't help you, bcs you haven't even watched it and if you're going to try and criticise it and say "oh, this is bad writing" just because one singular person on the internet gave you a motivation you didn't agree with then like,,,, Look Inwards. im not even mad that you don't like the film, im mad that a person like you who seems to look at all aspects of a movie, including its production period (see: you and amethyst discussing the Hobbit movies) suddenly hears word about it from people who are amateur writers (well i am one—pen has a whole degree) and decides yeah this movie's bad. it was such a shallow and absolute statement that you made after making me try to circle around not spoiling the whole movie for literal hours, and then YOU got mad that I was coming off as passive aggressive when i stopped caring abt how my tone may come across on pixels. i have been talking to you on and off for like more than a year, did you think that unpleasant tone came out of nowhere ???????

nobody in the whole world will care if you've read a few classics if you literally cannot apply them properly to all the media that surrounds you. you understood i was frustrated that dc didn't care about art without me spelling that out but you couldn't understand i was trying not to spoil a movie you haven't watched after making me go around in circles for so long, and then you get mad when i try to explain to you WHY i cant answer your question and then you get mad because my tone was off?? after id spent more than an entire hour trying to defend why i like a movie that i didn't even care if you hadn't watched in the first place because i just wanted to ramble about a movie to someone who i thought appreciated the arts like i do ??? art is literally not black and white but you always manage to come across as someone who views it as either very good or very bad, that is literally not how i view it and i tried to tell you that and instead of understanding where i came from you decided to become passive aggressive with me because my tone was slightly off when i tried to tell you that maybe you shouldn't have asked me that question when i wasn't even talking abt character motivations to begin with 😭

also i literally have a count of like 9 followers and all 9 of them are friends who barely even use Tumblr, I am complaining into the void 💀

tldr please like try to be more considerate the next time someones trying to talk to you abt their interests that you know nothing about it takes 2 seconds to search up the summary of the ballad of songbirds and snakes on wikipedia & i will delete those 2 posts yes that was immature of me & i apologise for not letting it go

[newty]

dion fic chapter 1 meta thoughts!!!!!!!!!

i made that meme a few days ago and didnt realize until a few hrs later that the Me penguin was chewing on the other's right arm and then i completely lost it. taking away dions arm feels good/feels right/feels like actualizing his sacrifice with physical, mental, & social consequences that will reshape the way he lives in the new world entirely. there's no past to return to, babey, and he cant accept that yet!

it was a bit odd to actually have him Cry and be Very Vulnerable when he seems to prefer taking careful shots at the things that distress him + occasionally just yell at those things. watching him just completely check out when the hideaway discusses twinside getting wiped out was like. wow i am experiencing a suffering unlike any other. this man is going to to completely lose control of what he thought was himself but in a totally different way than the first time. i think his brain chemistry got ratshaked and thats part of the :) i cant wait to die:) convo w the bros. its also part of why i made him cry. his identity and his control of that identity have changed.

now that kihel isnt on her own in complete survival mode maturity, i wanted to let her act more like a kid. i think she's around 12 (even if dion pings her around 9). it was a lot of fun to give her and terence a comfortable rapport. kids can unlock different attitudes in ppl, so i felt like letting terence be so casual with her was a great way to get him to stretch his legs beyond the Hyper Formality he has to upkeep as a high ranking military officer and servant. i dont doubt, like any person, that he was casual with others in the past, but our limited time w him gave us only one answer abt his personality.

in order not to seize up and feel stuck in the repetitiveness of keeping him only The Loyal Servant Who Speaks Out A Couple Times, i tried my best to think of him as a character that i could give opinions to. letting those opinions take a sharp contrast to dion's was a little scary to do--i think they were scary for him to express as well--but ultimately i really like the scaffold it gives me in the future. apocalypse survival w a random child while all the things you swore to do get forsaken or done by others is Uh, humiliating for a dude w a firm identity & pride in 'service.' im excited for terence pov tbh.

i also enjoyed giving terence a couple shared histories w kihel and dion! it was hard for me to just be like. this is my wheelhouse now and referencing a past that never existed in the game is My Right for the Sake Of Narrative. terence says dion once told him that words stop being useful after a while--an outlook necessary to validate warfare--and i can see it being smth that they had to fall back on to not completely fall to the dissonance of valuing life while just killing for a job.

which anyway square i wanted More ridiculous religion/evil empire/god thinks its rad that we specifically are killing his other children as opposed to them killing us. the nonsense w the cardinals not knowing they were an empire made me a little crazy. greagor seems to exist more as a word to invoke and a flavor in the backseat, so im uh. letting her be relevant. bc i think these boys should have as much propaganda ingrained in their heads as possible. we love flawed justification in this house.

and i figure the dragoons are no more bc dion said he only had a handful of them at ran'dellah. akashic dont leave bodies either, so the pyre terence ordered would have to be for dhalmeks and drgs, making even less of them. i wanted his claim to the throne to be as untenable as possible tbh. he lacks the trust + respect of probably a lot of people bc mad prince, plus hes gonna lose more respect once the ableism starts to kick in. hes depressed and traumatized and fatigued. he has smth like a middle school education (sorry harpocrares). he has no cash on hand. bahamut is gone. aaaaand no more private army! figure it out on ur own, dion.

also im bummed that w no more blessing of light, drgs prob cant jump anymore (i guess??). im absolutely feral over the ideal of terence doing the drg stabby jumpy broody n now he Cant so ty to all the others who fulfill that niche for me. maybe i can 👀 do a flashback.

[jenanddomo]

6.28.23

11:39pm

hey, its been a long time since i actually put something!

lets start w love life

so i got w my bf lol in early april! he so sweet n cute. he fr has the best version of me he so lucky

the reason y i say he so lucky bc i fr try my hardest not to be ugly or mean to me, he doesn’t deserve that. me n him r doin well :) prob bc it jst the beginning still but even then i tell him everything lol , i told him my darkest secrets n stuff (i thought he was gon be a stranger) but we always havin convos. i sleep w him once a week sometimes two, he so comfortable to sleep with.! i love to be ard him, we do little cute dates n i drove us to the movies to watch elemental it was so cute! so rn thats good

i treat him super good, im super honest w him n i jst cant lie to him:( i tell him the truth eventually. i only lie to him to mes w him like sum stupidddd

but thats that

mentally

i have been doin great actually! i dont feel miserable or depressed, empty, like im so happy now! life is great, i love everyone ard me :) every1 so great their hasnt been anyone so negative uk? im also very real to myself i accepted n jst found peace within myself

so thats good

pets

my two og cats died my spooky n kingking:(

i miss them very much i miss my black n orange cat they were like ying n yang . i miss their cute little personalities they were the best

but now a general

post

lets talk abt what i think and stuff

so i moved on lol as i said i found peace within myself , lookin at the old posts,, gosh who let me cook,,, i saw old posts, messages, and everything n its so crazy how much i changed in 5 months really. lookin at how immature i was , i was so clueless and stupid and lookin back at it now it likes been there uk? it was never a good thing from the get go:) i accepted that, i also accepted i used to be a bad person to but ik i got so much better, the guy im w he makes me want to be a better person.

eating? i dont eat anymore lol, i still eat below like 1000 cals , like every 2 weeks i will eat above it butttt idk! honestly in only this month i lost 8-9 lbs:) so now im 142 yippe yayayay my goal weight is 120-130 so in total i lost 38 lbs which is crazy. when my bf met me i was above 155 so im pretty happy w that

my life been so peaceful and im jst so glad alot of ppl left my life this year before i graduated, n im thankful for those ppl too without yall i wouldnt be who i am today uk? yes i was mad, childish and everything, that part it jst sum i still need to work on bc i do have anger issues. but even then i dont like arguing anymore or jst fightin in general, yea thats what i learned what to do but its not worth it uk? on my insta reels i see some relatable posts that i relate to so much im jst like awh:3

im glad im jst not how i was before uk? rn im jst so calm, i dont feel empty no more , i actually starting to feel motivation to do sum, i want to do sum w my life and i want to help others ard me.

when it was my last day of school, it was supposed to be “sad” but i was so happy bc i donated blood n my blood helped someone:D i was so happyyy like jst helpin other ppl makes me ecstatic.

i also quit smoking so im proud of myself for that:) i do have moments where i wan do it n stuff but im like no drugs bad n the only bad thing i do is drink, but even then im trying to stop that too bc their was one week were i drank everyday but i told myself i dont wan be like my dad so i kind of stopped.

my music taste is different then it was 5 months ago.

i have 2 new cats gizmo n walter.

im jst so happy rn lol i dont know what to say:3

but im glad for what happened to me , im glad i went through stuff when i was a kid, im glad i finally even opened up abt it to someone im jst so glad everything happened bc i jst wouldnt be who i am now

i guess

im just tryin to be a bigger better person

i dont want to be childish no more i dont want to fight i dont want to hit or argue or cause shit on purpose

lately i been emotional but i think

i jst need it bc im jst so glad how open i am w all that stuff rn

i also finished king of the hill lol i dont know if i put that