#i think his name is lil gravy

[shakemelikeasnowglobe]

I don't know which f1 complicated friendship actually had sex or which went sour before they could

but I know in my heart Lance stroll fucked at least one old man in that paddock

[plumipal]

AAAAAOMG UR TWST OC IS SO ADORABLE?? i'm absolutely in love with eden sm (+ his design?? the star eyes and the wings are my favorite,, i wanna smooch all his tattoos!) and i hope it's okay to ask a few questions about him... (I KNOW U SAID IT WAS OKAY BUT I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE 😭 i'm genuinely interested in knowing more!)

1) does he have anyone in the twst cast that he tolerates/likes? i know he's part of the whole harem thing but is there anyone he doesn't necessarily mind being around (or even sharing with the prefect?)

2) do grim and eden have a good relationship? i would assume so since they're living both with one another but do they just get along with each other for the prefect's sake or are they actually best buds? (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)

(little dumb idea but i think it would be so cute if the prefect treated the two as if they were all like a little family! eden and prefect being the two parents and grim their rambunctious kid lmao,, i would imagine the others not being so happy about it (っ‘ω`c))

3) is he okay with physical affection/pda? is he totally chill about it or would he rather shy about the whole thing? is he open to having the prefect touch his wings or his tattoos?

4) oooo any funfacts that you have about the new ramshackle resident?? just in general really if that's okay with u ofc!! ☆

aa okay that's it!! i hope my questions weren't annoying or anything! (っ‘ω`c)

Had to get one of those wheels ive seen going around where you put the oc and how they feel about the character and how the characters feel back about them, but with a twist lol (most of them are haters).

The ones he are most tolerant with are grim, ace, deuce, jack and kalim. Only one he could possible share with would either be kalim, jack or deuce, because of how he sorta is annoyed by ace.

Of course cant forget how he feels about you :) he thinks you are very very very special and he loves you a lot <3

He likes grim a lot, seeing as grim isn't one of the students that is oh so annoying. He warms up to the monster, seeing how gently you take care of grim, wanting to do the same. It feels, domestic, in his opinion.

Grim likes Eden a lot too, he has never belittled him, he has always made sure to feed grim along with Eden being very warm (and therefore very nice to sleep on). In grims opinion, he thinks you should go with Eden, cuz he is a good candidate for marriage (grim has been bribed with love, affection, and tuna).

He takes good care of the cat son, making sure he is healthy and happy.

Now onto pda. Eden are only okay with you touching the wings, the tattoo and the core, being as they are quite sensitive. The scar is still off limits, but maybe if you make him warm up to you even more you might be able to-

He loves when you help him with his wings, it's one of the best feelings out there. Fo mind that only you (and grim) can touch the wings, anyone else is off limits, ESPECIALLY ROOK HE IS FORBIDDEN TO TOUCH THEM.

Eden facts!! He has lil "ear-holes" like birds, just behind the feathers. Be careful around that part when you help him with his feathers, otherwise you might have a pouty and angry Eden on tour hands.

His eyes also glow in the dark! It's the scariest during the nightly snack runs down to the kitchen, seeing him suddenly stare at you, but you slowly get used to it!

You don't know where the extra eyes sometimes come from tho...

Also some general facts about Eden!

Dorm: Ramshackle

Birthday: 1/1

Age: ???

Height: 185cm

Fav subject: alchemy

Hobby: cleaning in ramshackle, birdwatching

Likes: you

Dislikes: Loud noises, blond 3rd year hunters named rook hunt, people trying to grab onto his wings that aren't you

Fav food: he don't need to eat to gain sustenance, bur he likes mashed potatoes with gravy

Least fav food: soup, any soup, he hates it

Btw if anyone were to write for Eden I would explode it would mean the world to me

[therealslimshakespeare]

Seeing as you’ve (mostly) given us a tour of Croz’s jockey shorts already, I’m going to stand up on behalf of the Ladies Who Brady™️ and request your speculation on John Brady?

*Inhuman and decidedly girlish screeches of delight and trepidation*

nsfw (AF!) under the cut:

Oh my darling, beautiful Brady, how I love him, an all American boy excelling at a man’s job, he’s my husband number…I dunno but he’s up there and he can arm wrestle Croz for top billing. 🤭

Now to business. Speculations regarding the charming attribute (singular) of this lovely human.

Cock-versations || Brady edition (credit to @pearlparty for the genius name and to @suraemoon for being the doll I screamed to regarding this and who helped canonize the below theory)

Hear me out to the end, I beg but to begin: a perfectly substantial, nicely proportioned, beyond adequate and decidedly moderate dick. Justice for the moderates!

Initial extracurricular observations on colouring: pretty pale pole tbh, very veiny, weirdly pretty pube pattern, with coco-rose-blush accents and sack, special treat being when he’s excited his lower belly blushes too and matches his cheeks 🥰

Details of the piece: length is a good, nice, average or a little above. girth is quite substantial and a little more added to that, possessing that extra oomph that makes a difference! with those lean hips it’s plenty impressive to look at when in the act but be ready -he’s massive grower. you might meet him and it’s an adorable, sweet lil thing pillowed on a huge sack (biggest balls in the 100th? maybe, and it’ll make you think the cock is smaller than it is in comparison) when in repose and then voila!!! Six inches or more: at your disposal ma’am. And he does call you ma’am from time to time.

Personality of the user to be considered: this is the sorta post-war husband where you can go round after round and it’s bliss because your cervix isn’t bruised up or indented by cock, so -indulge in all the bouncing and railing to your heart’s content, it’ll feel great but it won’t put you in the hospital or wheelchair. Wahoo. This however, is just taking the member into account, not the attitude of the man attached to it who will, 100% use what he has at *his* disposal to have you limping all through Lent. And you’ll love it, and you’ll have to make up excuses as you shift in your seat at the Brady family table and tardily pass the gravy to his mama…ain’t your fault you’re distracted.

I think he could get quite rambunctious, both in good fun and to wind up a argument, but the Brady cock won’t have you sobbing because you had to take an elephant trunk up you, ya know? *SIDE EYES EGAN* So you could get quite wild rather safely. For instance -I put him down as #1 most likely to lovingly choke you with all due respect.

Or, if that’s not your thing -he’s at least gripping your jaw, squishing your cheeks in one hand as he goes in and out, “look at me, -look at me, keep those pretty eyes open”.

Don’t let the word “moderate” lull you into thinking it’s easy to keep eye contact, hard to do in fact when your eyeballs are taking a tour of the back of your skull because this boy *hasn’t stopped in ages and it’s still pummeling that spot right.there*

But Brady does love a little switching and he’s very tuned in, very intuitive, utterly caring in the end. You have all his attention at all times and he has a goal in mind -and wow will he get ya there.

We love a good all American moderate man of extreme capabilities

[sammyluvr]

sam is so oxford university in autumn/winter coded to me, like i js know he’d love the radcliffe camera library n like being on the balcony bit overlooking everything n everyone n js thinking abt what they’re thinking abt n recognizing everyone is different n i feel like he’d a magdalen or brasenose boy. honestly he’d go to the colleges founded in like the 1400s bc i feel like he’s rlly into old architecture

also he’d deffo js like go roaming through his college n he makes it a routine n now it’s his second yr at oxford that’s how he’d come across an ethereally beautiful girl who’s in first year (you) crying bc the food in the food hall is so shit (i remember i went to magdalen college on a skl trip like 2 years ago n it was a slab of chicken n some chips with broccoli n a pot of gravy) and also apparently from what ive heard first years dont get a kitchen in their accommodation so they hv to eat in the food hall every night for first yr.

so he and u become friends, go out drinking, u study wtv u wanna study n obvs he does law so yous study together like all the time, and when i say all the time after like a lecture u call each other n its like “yeah let’s meet here” or “already saved ur seat in the library” and its so cute. or if its like getting dark early n u dont feel safe hes like “stay where u r i’ll come get u” even if hes like on the other side of campus he’s js such a lil cutie pie

then eventually he invites u over to his dorm (u guys r in the same college) n u guys cook and together and hv set nights together after a while and u both start dating and he graduates a year before you and goes back to america but at the beginning of ur last year u put ur name down for a PhD scholarship wtv thing at stanford n get in so u guys r reunited n live happily ever after

also fun fact: the oxford scenes in saltburn were shot in brasenose college and obvs some harry potter was shot there

genuinely though oxford is such a beautiful place it’s my dream uni, like i went to christ church too and it was so pretty, magdalen was pretty too there was like a lake and we walked past like a field with animals on it (i forgot what they were but it was either sheep or alpacas) and u can walk all over the place

-💽

I COULDN'T AGREE MOREEEE he is so oxford coded, esp for the colder months. sam is sooo autumn core <33 i do not understand all the references here but! i'm sure they're all facts, and i hugely agree he'd like the school's with old architecture like that !!! which on a side tangent, i think he'd like my school too bc of the old buildings and the campus is so pretty! (but would not fit him academically too well LOL... not intellectually simulating enough i fear, though i do think he would've liked. a liberal arts school hehe)

anyways!! FIRST YEAR CRYING ABOUT THE FOOD LOLLLL THAT'S SO FACTS SO ME CORE... I HATE MY SCHOOLS DINING HALLLL T_T and yeah he would absolutely always come get you and walk you where you need to go when it's dark! even if you don't ask. like especially when it's at a regularly scheduled time, he knows your whole class schedule, so he'll come get you when your class is done if he's not in class himself!!

MMM the idea of you getting your phd at stanford is so cute!! i love it i love it <333 literally happily ever after, i need that shit hehe <#

no because oxford is SO beautiful ofc i've never seen it in person, but i've ofc seen it in movies and pictures and it's such a dream. i have faith you'll make it to your dream school!! with all the sheepies and alpacas and the pretty lake!

[plushietoon]

I'm thinking of a guy whose name starts with orb and ends with -on, who is famous for always wearing sunglasses. That's right: Roy Orbison

Send Me a Character!

Ah yes...Roy Orbison...a splendid character! Good gravy those shades shine in the light! Such a classic...

First impression I remember him from a cartoon I grew up with...he's a vague memory but I remember his glasses the best...

Impression now Such a good father figure to his crew! He may be stern but he wants the best for those workers!

Favorite moment Him teaching lil Kody about the ways of the go-karting was amazing. Never knew the fellow had spunk in him.

Idea for a story He should face off with Wario.

Unpopular opinion HE'S NOT 20 YEARS OLD OR 100. He's just in his mid 30s!!

Favorite relationship I love him and his boyfriend Harold. Love can be found at all ages!!

Favorite headcanon He has a cat named Mr. Ovalton.

...Ok yeah I think I'll do Orbulon too 'cause that's your icon. Sorry I can't hold up the joke ;w;

First impression REST IN HECKING PIECES YOU SPACESHIP BLOB. I did play Touched but he was recognized in DIY...either way he was stuck in a ship when it came to my childhood Wahs.

Impression now Weird scrimblo who stretches everywhere. He funny...also very popular, like there's a lot of self-shippers and Mike he's in romance with. Good for him. He has fans alright.

Favorite moment First impression of him: Him eating crap by being launched into space when he just was just vibing. It sticks out, besides him stealing random stuff from all over.

Idea for a story Him learning about baths...preferably at a hot springs but hey if 5-Volt or Spitz thinks he needs to bathe in some other situation, then so be it.

Unpopular opinion Can we just compromise that he takes on whatever form he wants because he probably can stretch and squish himself??? I like both states though. Also that Omni-Nom is not a pet. That guy's a whole alien denizen from some other planet. Unless I guess pets also have their own "ships". WarioWare is weird.

Favorite relationship I think about his relationship with the twins, especially due to the drawings Freak (you) done. Though I think about the twins with anyone. They are fun munchkins to throw at characters. Him being besties with Mona is good too, plus it has grounds in canon! But people can do whatever lore they want, it's fiction. I've personally wanted to see two indie game protags get together. Fans should do what their hearts desire.

Favorite headcanon He purposely sleeps in inconvenient places. During meetings, in driver seats, the stroller that was meant for the twins, making games...he needs his 20 hours of sleep dude!!! Though some of those slumbers be unintentional too. Biology is something, can make you sleep more or less than you need.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Would you tell us more about your pets someday mayhaps? 🥺👉👈 I love reading your stories about Rascal (precious puppy), but did I understand right that you have More pets?? ❤️

Awww this is so sweet anon. I'd love to tell you about my little jerk babies! <3 Doing this in age order! :3

Rascal- a 16 year old black english cocker spaniel. aliases: Razzy, Mr. Baby, bear, pookie, Sir (when he's in trouble) - came from a flea market 16 years ago. best $150 anyone ever spent -he's very sweet, my soul dog, love of my life. but also he is evil to me sometimes, as is his nature. - he's deaf and can't see well but his nose works! he could sniff out a hot dog (his fave snack) from across town. :') - he also has a sixth sense for when the fridge opens? i don't know how he knows. - sleeps next to me most of the time TwT - does NOT like to be held but is so holdable - has a docked tail so he has a little bear butt - is currently laying on the wheels/ legs of my desk chair so i can't escape. he does this constantly T-T - sometimes displays symptoms of dementia where he doesn't want to eat/ acts confused. :( and that makes me very sad. - has a heart condition and a problem with retaining fluid so he's on two different diuretics. - basically he has every illness but i love him so much. even when he accidentally bites me. i would kill for him and i am not joking. <3

Charles- an 8 year old tabby cat aliases: Charlie, auntie's girl (i'm her auntie), asshole - found her in the garage, her mom took her brother but left her :( - is trans! - we thought she was a girl and gave her a Grown Man's Name to piss my dad off but then she turned out to have a penis. we use she/her for her. - wicked princess from hell. <3 - dumb - has freakishly long whiskers? - sometimes doesn't look like herself. jess and i joke that she's a shapeshifter and forgets what she looks like so she gets it wrong :o - lets me hold her like a baby but then gets mad about it. :/ - doesn't like wet food but likes the gravy of it? - YOWLER

Thomas- a 7 year old calico cat aliases: Tiny, aunty's girl (i'm her aunty), jerk - found her in the weeds outside my house! she was screaming like a banshee. her mom also left her! :((( - FAT!!! she weighs 14lb and we don't know why! her pouch is LORGE - constantly being bad to get attention. :/ - scratches jess's desk chair, rips up curtains, tries to eat any and all string (yarn, my HAIR, shoelaces, etc.) - chases the (50lb) dog around, but lets charlie beat her up? (charles is only 11ish pounds) - looks like a lil alien sometimes - annoying baby! - will climb onto your lap and demand pets as soon as you're trying to do something (jess constantly falls victim to this, rip jess</3) - youngest child energy :/ (jess is the cats' mom so... it tracks)

Daisy May- a ??? year old tan pit bull mix aliases: brownie, brown sugar, wifey (she thinks that her and jess are married), brown susan, (i got confused), beth (??) - was our neighbor's dog but they abandoned her! >:( then she was ours. - escaped containment one day and came back preggers >:( - had 8 puppies and hated all of them but one. - very sweet, wants to live in jess's lap - heavy! - likes being danced at, loves to WAG, will jump on you to give kisses - criminal mastermind. maybe.

Buford- a 5 year old black and tan pit bull mix aliases: Boofy, stinky, skunk, dickhead, BEEF SUPREME, beefy - the one puppy brownie liked. - NEVER SHUTS UP - brain the size of a pea. a small pea. - is afraid of Thomas but not afraid of Charles - velcro dog. cannot pee without her. - constantly chewing on her feet??? nasty! - has very soft ears <3 - HEAVIEST! - makes me wanna die a lot T-T - will steal food from old men (rascal) with no remorse

anyway!!! that's all my stupid babies i love you for asking about them anon. if any of them were photogenic i would share pictures but alas...

[tetzoro]

in the blorbo mansion what did everyone make today for thanksgiving? go ! 🎤

OOOH ! this is fun to think about :excellent:

kuroo : made some appetizers teehee i think he’d have a couple in his lil cookbook from his grandma that he likes to make :3

zoro : brought booze and glared at anyone besides me who tried to take some. also bought some mashed potatoes but mihawk ended up telling him to make them from scratch (which he did lmfaooo)

mihawk : cooked all the meat + made gravy (king)

jean : mac and cheese baby it’s his mama’s recipe

ace : stuffing . lots of stuffing & it was delicious

dickie : brought a lot of sides and tried to pass it off on his own … like okay babes !!! i know alfred did this !!

barou : homemade rolls :3 he also made pies !!

then ofc luffy crashed the dinner + made name cards for everyone which was cute … until they realized he only gave out mildly offensive nicknames (except to zoro, me + ace)

[thebearme]

MY EENE HEADCANONS

just going to warn you that this is long

EDgar Joseph

6'9 ft

Demi-Romantic

Caucasian

Pisces 23 Y/o 3/2/1985

Film college major (Jobs: Indie horror film maker, Animal caretaker)

FAVORITE FOOD:

Butter toast & Gravy (duh)

VIBE:

Alien Boy - Oliver Tree

Eight Wonder - Lemon Demon

Turn the lights off - TallyHall

- Arts & craft master

- Has a fursona

- Learned what a shower is

- He's still is a lil gross

- Ed changed his name to Ed so he can match with Eddy when he was 6

- Ed real name is: Bob Horace Joseph

- Lemon demon fan

- The one ed to be dating a Kankers (May)

- The oldest ed (he got left-back a year)

- Has yellow teeth becuz he didn't brush his teeth when he was younger

- Has a pet chicken from Rolf but it's at the barn, can't stay at the dorms :(

- Takes care of Rolf's animals ever so often, he loves when he can help

- Thinks of Dee like a mom figure

- Is on better ground with Sarah after BPS and once she realizes how awful their mom was to Ed

- Ed's the only person with yellow skin that because of all the gravy grease he eats

- Drop the violin to play all types of weird instruments instead

- LOVES crytids, FNAF lore and SCP

- Likes going to haunted places for fun

- Ed's drawings are now ten times more disturbing

- Draws on mspaint

- MUST. HAVE. OVERSIZED. SLEEVES!

- Ed is a food stealer

- Ed and Edd bond with the unexplainable wonders of the world (Deep sea creatures)

- Instead of getting a chewy necklace he just buys chew toys for dogs, they're cheaper and cooler

- Uses weird emojis: 🧟‍♂️🦷🧠🪳🌚

- ASD & ADHD

Disability:

* Has a fractured skull

* Brain hurts fr when he thinks hard

* Frequently lost of balance = needs a cane

EDDward (Double dee) Johnson

6'3 ft

Trans-Masc & Bi

(Afro-Vietnamese)

Aquarius 22 Y/o 2/10/1986

Psychology major / Science engineering minor (Jobs: none, scholarships & grants are paying the tuition)

FAVORITE FOOD:

Tuna fish gumbo

VIBE:

The machine - Lemon Demon

American healthcare - Penelope Scott

I threw out love of my dreams - Weezer

Pretty rave girl

- It was hard for Dee to not pick every major

- Double dee got overwhelmed with the college choices he had so he just followed the eds in to Peach Creek's community college

- The OCD got worse when he got older so the eds made a compromise to help clean the dorm often

- Santa believer

- Has a Costco supply of everything

- He likes scene but doesn't tell the eds

- Can't flirt for his life

- Dee Prays everyday that God will forgive the eds sins

- insomniac

- Double dee is trying to find a Scientific explanation for why their tongues are still dyed by the jawbreakers for years now

- Double dee has to braid his hair back before going to bed or else it would be wild in the morning

- Dee is comfortable in his body, doesn't need a bind all the time

- If you don't let Dee to say big words he'll start speaking like a bimbo unironically

- The Light-skin

- Is a ferret

- He got therapy for the 'dodgeball incident'

- Still wears his hat always, even when the eds already know about the scar

- Still passionate about learning but is slowly being a burnt out gifted student

- Even though Eddy tends to distract Dee from studying, if Eddy left college Double dee would have dropped out with him. A least for a gap year(s)

- Dee is a hugger

- Double dee found out that there's a Chemical compound with in shrooms that lessen the psychological symptoms of OCD...

- Dee has shrooms

- Dee is not afraid to be the bitchy friend to make sure the eds don't get themselves into jail

- Willing to kill for Eddy

- A certified forklift driver

- Mothers Ed

- Writes large paragraphs in text and the small amount of emoticons he uses are: =] >:-( :-D

- ASD

Disability:

* Asthma

* Diabetic (genetic, from both parents) Wears a insulin pump

Edwin (EDDY) McGee

5'3 ft

Pans

Puerto Rican (1/2 mother's side)

Italian American (1/2 father's side)

Aries 21 Y/o 3/24/1987

Undeclared major

(Jobs: whatever job he has that week)

FAVORITE FOOD:

Crafts mac n cheese

VIBE:

Soft Fuzzy Man - Lemon Demon

What's New Pussycat - Tom Jones

Lyin' Awake - Steam Powered Giraffe

Cuphead Rap - JT Music

- Eddy frankly doesn't know how he graduated high school

- Eddy loves old stuff (music, clothes, technology)

- Eddy likes underrated/unappreciated historical figures

- He can still be erratic sometimes and still haves trust issues

- Eddy does his nails

- Once he stopped wearing his brother's clothes he started finding his own style

- He is a FASHION KING, never seen in the same clothes often

- Drag queen

- Still doesn't understand personal space or the difference from complements and flirting

- Still a big sap

- Constantly sleeps in Dee bedroom instead of his own

- Insecure with his curly hair so he gel's it most of the time

- HE'S A BINGUS CAT

- Weed smoker

- Once had the eds do a breaking bad

- Surprisingly nice legs

- Insomniac

- Eddy tends to have depressive episodes

- Occasionally goes to therapy, but keeps making light of his issues or dodging them completely

- Writes his name on his food so Ed won't steal it (It doesn't work)

- Was a Premature baby

- Eddy is actually really smart and can make things, he just doesn't have the foresight or the motivation

- Eddy has a pet mouse

- He's flexible and can do acrobatics

- Eddy is still a little narcissistic

- ADHD

Disability:

* Has a stiff right wrist (has a wrist brace that he doesn't wear, prefers to just use he's left hand)

[send-noodles-not-nudes]

a tiny list of sassiter hcs

@lizardman18

ignore my lateness. it's that whole "a wizard is never late, nor early; he arrives precisely when he means to" bullshit

btw if you're not familiar with spenser bc you found me through tumblr and not q, here's her general form; she's my psych oc

lassiter handing spenser his coat when she's cold before letting out a tiny "shit" when he remembers that she probably shouldn't take it for psychometry reasons

spenser taking it anyway and dealing with the visions bc who can resist a cheesy bitch

him butchering absolutely everything when he tries to learn spanish bc White Man Accent™️ prevails even with her coaching

he'll get there eventually but it'll probably take him at least half a decade

shawn probably isn't much better bc he grew up with the white parent

and then there's jules, who's been fluent in spanish since college

the absolute shit talk. just imagine.

i'm still thinking about this thread where spenser stole a dog from a dogfighting ring and just

this man really adopted a dog for a 'friend' on a whim simply bc the puppy dog eyes (of spenser, not the actual puppy) were too cute

he committed to feeding and walking and playing with and loving a whole 60lbs of dog for a girl who named the dog smthn dumb like 'green bean'

and YES that's absolutely in reference to the turkeys named 'gravy' and 'potatoes'

did you really think they'd only get two pets with dumbass names?

spenser convincing lassiter that she believes in aliens just to see how far she can take it

she gets pretty far.

at one point she even manages to convince him that she and shawn were abducted by aliens and that's why they have their psychic powers

henry somehow happens to overhear that one and ends up just walking away bc he can't keep a straight face

of all the dumb ways spenser has convinced people she got her powers, that's definitely a new one

and it's definitely the dumbest

and it's ALSO definitely the most detailed one

spenser (who writes songs as a hobby) getting bored and writing a lil ditty about how shawn is an idiot and lassiter helping to write the accompaniment

it sucks but she's not gonna tell him that

them taking turns yelling at the tv while watching medical/detective soap operas

their neighbors have filed at least one noise complaint for this before

enter a bored-looking buzz who's working the night shift to cover for a friend showing up like

"guys. if you're gonna make me come all the way out here for a noise complaint, at least make it something interesting."

"so you want us to throw a party for the whole block except for the bitchy neighbors we don't like? i can do that!"

"that's not what i—"

"i'll invite you if you promise not to arrest me."

"...will there be tamales involved?"

"i'll make a special plate just for you."

"consider it done."

that's all i have for now but i could be convinced to write more when i have more braincells if someone's interested

[dylanndr]

Izzy Hands Jams

I finally got my contributor copies for the Songs for 2022 playlist zine, organized by @koricomics! The prompt was to illustrate a playlist of songs that encapsulated some aspect of 2022 for each of us.

Of course, my playlist is all about Izzy.

And look, I set up the playlist in Spotify so you can actually listen to it at your leisure!

I think a lot of these will be fairly obvious, but if you are curious to know more about why I included each song, read on:

AC/DC - "Problem Child"

Izzy's attitude in general. I specifically included AC/DC as an homage to the AC/DC t-shirt Con O'Neill was wearing when they all did their renewal announcements.

Alkaline Trio - "Tuck Me In"

In part about Izzy's internalization of toxic culture ("Tuck me in with the tarantulas, I want to let 'em in my mouth and down my throat to lay their eggs."), but also "tuck me into bed with snakes" as a reference to Blackbeard's snake tattoo, wink wink. I included this song before I knew Izzy's pet of choice would be a snake, but hey. It works.

In This Moment - "Adrenalize"

A song about kink from the POV of the sub, it opens with a negotiation/boundary statement ("Let me tell you how I want it before we begin"). So this is more aspirational for Izzy rather than a description of how he currently operates, but I do think chasing the adrenaline surge is a part of what drives him.

Buzzcocks - "Ever Fallen in Love"

By bisexual singer/songwriter Pete Shelley, this song is specifically about a messy queer relationship with a man he lived with for several years.

The Birthday Massacre - "Cold Lights"

A general vibe of unrequited romantic yearning tainted by deception. "Face of fire" evokes the Blackbeard persona Izzy is lusting after. Also references to the various lies Izzy told, thinking he was protecting his interests, only to watch things spiral out of control.

Judas Priest - "A Touch of Evil"

Another song about kink from the POV of the sub, this time sung by a gay man (though, fun fact, Rob Halford is vanilla IRL; he says he doesn't tend to write autobiographical lyrics). Obvious references to the toe scene, and how it was a positive transformative moment for Izzy.

Joan Jett - "I Hate Myself for Loving You"

Partially about unrequited love, partially about continually trying to leave this person and not being able to, and a general air of self-loathing over the whole proceedings.

Rammstein - "Tattoo"

The title is a pretty obvious surface-level reference, but the song is more specifically about enjoying the pain of being tattooed. I have a headcanon that Izzy has so few tattoos relative to his age and experience because he's extremely particular about who gets to tattoo him. He gets too, erm, excited by the proceedings, and can't tolerate handing that kind of power over him to just anyone.

The GazettE - "Devouring One Another"

Well, now, a song that uses cannibalism as a sexualized metaphor for a toxic relationship. Gosh, how could that be relevant to our Iz. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. The line "Is it not allowed to betray God?" could serve as a reference to Izzy's full name, "Israel" meaning "one who struggles with god," where Blackbeard/Edward = god. Whomst he betrays. Screaming "shut up, dammit!" on repeat is just gravy.

Dolly Parton - "Jolene" (Lil Nas X cover for max gay)

The Lil Nas X version is, AFAIK, only available on YouTube, but either version works. Stede's eyes aren't emerald green, and his hair is a bit light for auburn, but still.

The Stooges - "I Wanna Be Your Dog"

Pretty obvious reference to "love of a pet," and to the submissive nature of Izzy's relationship to Edward.

[praphit]

Black Adam: the psychopath we need right now

Of course The Rock belongs in a comic book cinematic universe. What the hell took so long?! 

There are a bunch of characters I think he could have played well:

Deathstroke.

The Winter Soldier (imagine The Rock growing out his hair:)

Apocalypse (no way that movie sucks with The Rock in it)

(I can’t stop laughing at this GIF, and J.Law’s “Oh, Shit!” face.

The Rock could have played a jacked Professor X (tired of only being the brains)

Or he could have simply played himself. I’d buy that when Batman is in trouble he runs to The Rock.

But, he's perfect for Black Adam!

A long ass time ago, there was a lil boy, born into slavery, in a Middle Eastern country called Kahndaq. Him and his people were slaving away trying to locate a mystical crown made of Vibranium... sorry, I meant Eternium... or was it Krytponite?? Doesn't matter.

This crown has the power to... unleash hell on earth or something. Which... why would anyone want to do that? If you're a bad guy, I get ruling the earth or even destroying the earth. But, to bring a literal, demonic, Hell on earth, doesn't seem productive for anyone... except for Hell. But, anyway, this lil boy, one day, says to himself "Slavery sucks! I want to be free!"

If only it were that simple to be free, kid (though according to Ye, it is).

Some ancient wizards show up and grant this boy powers. They have a habit of doing this.

Why?! Is it just me, or does giving children the powers of gods seem stupid? But, who can tell wizards anything??

This now super-powered, young boy finds his father (The Rock) in peril, one thing leads to another, and SHAZAM!

  Black Ass  Adam is born!

Buuuuuut, he has a bit of a temper, so he has to be locked away, until the movie comes out.

It's now the present day, and Black Adam is here to protect his people... eventually. He's kind of a psychopath. I mean that in the nicest way possible. He's a charming psychopath tho... well, not really. I mean, The Rock is charming AF, but.... I guess we'll crown B.A. with the same charm as the actor playing him; why not??

But, he needs help from some "friends" (I use that word loosely):

Cyclone

Ant Squasher or Musher... or something

Dr. Strange Fate

And The Winged Black Man

( I think I may have mixed up a name or two in there, but it doesn't really matter)

These weirdly familiar characters are able to annoy B.A. enough to convince him to limit his anti-hero murdering spree long enough to save the day. Although, I kinda think he enjoyed the killing more than saving the day.

This movie has everything you'd want:

super-powered freaks, a video game level of action and explosions, evil labs, zombie vibes, some tomb raider action, demons/end of days bs, international politics, the funny fat guy, the strong and smart single mom character (in the credits, she's (a Middle Eastern woman) named ISIS... I know these comic books were written a while ago, but... still kinda bleeped up), it's got tear-jerking self-sacrifice, and some Lord of the Rings vibes.

What more could you want??!

All held together by the cornerstone, being The Rock!

  Whew! That's some good sex right there!

However :) There are some issues.

For one, if you suffer from comic book/action movie fatigue, then don't go anywhere near this movie. It's not trying to be anything else but that.

This movie is a Thanksgiving gravy dump of CGI. Is that a good or bad thing? - depends on your tastes, I suppose. This is some of the easiest money The Rock had ever made. CGI did all of the work. In fact, CGI had to work harder than ever to make The Rock look weaker (pre-powers). Dwayne Johnson doesn't even have all that much dialogue. He doesn't need to be the straight man in a comedy duo. Doesn't need to be in shape.... of course he’s in ridiculous shape, being The Rock, but he didn't NEED to be. Shoot, the powers of CGI even squeezed Pierce Brosnan (loved btw) into spandex.

The CGI does get bad though, towards the end. Like, not She-Hulk bad, but in the same ballpark.

There's a lot of slomo. NO, I MEAN A LOT! It's like someone discovering a new IG filter for the first time, and they always feel compelled to use it. Enough with the beautifying filters already! You know damn well you don't look like that. You're not fooling anyone:)

The Rock, though his people all seem to have Kahndaqian accents, he does not. C'mon, Dwayne! Be an actor! On second thought, I'm now picturing The Rock using this accent throughout the whole film, and in my mind, it turns into a comedy. So, I'll take that criticism back.

It's also a lil long. I wish they would have used the extra length to make this movie less dreary. I mean, I had fun with it, but... DC still hasn't learned how to balance out their tones yet (though James Gunn should be able to help that moving forward). Idk what's in Marvel's secret sauce, but if they had produced Black Adam, part of me wouldn't have felt like it needed a strong drink after watching.

There were two messages driven home by ISIS (still feels wrong to call her that):

1) "Hey, outsiders! Stay the bleep out of OUR business!" - that message,  I agree with.

2) Black Adam is not a hero, but he's the ANTI-Hero that they need.  

Idk, people. I get that sometimes you've gotta murder people (not the best message for the kids, but whatever). But, don't we have enough anti-heroes?? If everyone is an anti-hero... what's an anti-hero? You know?? I mean Black Adam murders more people in this movie than "the bad guy". He murders more people in this movie than Michael Myers murders in "Halloween Ends".  

At what point in the sport of killing, does one become a villain??

That being said, I get it, and I like it!

Considering the slavery of their people. Considering people coming at you with guns. And considering demonic forces rising up against you (not like you can take demons to court) - yeah, sometimes, you've gotta kill people.

If you're looking for a dumb comic book action flick (for the kids? - sure), fueled by revenge - The Rock delivers.

Grade: B-

They also fixed the problem (at least I personally have had) with characters that are way too powerful. He wasn't dull. I mean his character kinda is, but... throw in The Rock as a heavily (and I mean HEAVILY) flawed character, and you've got some entertainment. I hope Marvel is paying attention concerning Captain Marvel 2.

Let's give Capt a functional coke and drinking problem, and make The Rock her bartender, and we'll have a less dull winner.

[heroofpenamstan]

—OC PROFILES: JOANNE & MICHAEL

tagged by the lovelies: @shallow-gravy​, @shellibisshe​, @belorage​, @honeysides​, @strafethesesinners​, @faithchel​, @blissfulalchemist​! thank you, dears! x since i’m tragically late to the party as per usual, not going to be tagging anyone since i assume most of my mutuals have done it, but if you want to go right ahead and tag me too so i can see! :”)) also, fair warning: 80% of the questions i answered at ungodly hours overmedicated on paracetamol and it shows because re-reading this in the morning was a Yikes

GENERAL

name: joanne burton alias(es): jo, annie ( mike exclusive ), burton, dep, jr. deputy, rook, traitor, sinner, wrath/pain in the ass ( john exclusive ), rabbit ( jacob exclusive ), heinous fucking bitch—( also john exclusive ), black widow ( new dawn au ) gender: cis. female age: 29 birth: 30th october, 1988 place of birth: meridian, idaho spoken languages: english; may or may not recite some hebrew lines over the holidays sexual preference: bisexual occupation(s): junior deputy of hope county, montana/menace to all cultists everywhere ( in a certain radius of said hope county, montana, anyway )

APPEARANCE

eye colour: brown hair colour: black height: 157cm ( 5′2 ), or approximately 7′11 when balancing on michael’s shoulders to peer inside john’s windows scars: split right eyebrow ( thanks, jake ), minor cuts and incorrectly healed bruises and gashes, scarred bullet wound on left hip ( you’re welcome, jake )

FAVOURITE

colour: orange or yellow or cyan, or whatever is more stupidly eye-catching and not at all fit for her current environment song: i’ve been thinking by handsome boy modeling school food: various stir-fries, fruits and protein ( or anything that she claims to be “healthy” when, truly, bitch is one step away from living off of instant noodles and canned pineapple and cigarette buds from dutch’s stash ) drink: beerherbal teas and infusions

HAVE THEY

passed university: no, but passing the police academy was already a pleasant enough surprise for her had sex: today? no. two weeks ago? probably had sex in public: probably said two weeks ago gotten pregnant/ someone else pregnant: yes, but we don’t talk about it kissed a boy: yes ( derogatory ) kissed a girl: yes ( affectionate ) gotten tattoos: yes, loads: most were practice scribbles for her ex-girlfriend, and the only true meaningful one she possesses is lydia, scrawled into her pinky in remembrance. otherwise, john seed do not even engage with that rusty ass tattoo gun— gotten piercings: yes, loads multiplied; if there’s a place for a piercing in her ears, she has them. also, an old septum piercing she hasn’t worn in a hot second been in love: yes, loads squared ( girl rents out her heart on the weekdays and cries about the scratches she notices on saturday, but still repeats it all over again come monday; falling in love for her is easy, but actually loving someone and getting over her self-loathing to do so is a whole different ball game ) stayed up for more than 24 hours: she’s probably on hour 31 as we speak ( someone knock her out pls )

ARE THEY

a virgin: whitehorse has heard enough horror stories in the break room between her and joey to last him a lifetime a cuddler: closeted cuddler, yes a kisser: most definitely; woman has to play up her natural assets scared easily: her response time is too lagged for that jealous easily: depends; she’s more jealous of what she should have/could have/would have had in a general sense than being jealous of a particular person or a thing trustworthy: in her own way, yes dominant: disgustingly so submissive: not in this lifetime in love: very much so single: very much so part 2

RANDOM QUESTIONS (tw for self harm/suicide mention)

have they harmed themselves: yes, but it’s more by means of unintentional yet severe substance abuse thought of suicide: not as often as one would assume; joanne has a very strong sense of self-preservation, but tends to run from her bleak reality by means of one harmful way or the other attempted suicide: once or twice during her lowest points in life wanted to kill someone: on the daily have/had a job: girl had juggled three part-time jobs; there is nothing she fears anymore have any fears: ( see above ) to fall back into old bad habits, loss of control, death, failure, a bad future, poverty, being abandoned and forgotten, long stays at a hospital, the judges, the bliss, the power of john’s hair gel

FAMILY

sibling(s): micah burton ( older brother ) parent(s): abigail burton née belman ( mother ); jim burton ( father ) children: asher seed ( daughter in new dawn au ) significant other: jacob seed ( circumstantial lover/”could do without” mentor/#prisonwife #prisonhusband #imkidding #kinda ) pets: boomer for the cuddles, cheesecake for the throttles ( bitch naturally attracts the judges but will forget her dog 101 and run away like what does she think will happen then?? )

GENERAL

name: michael scott-hughes alias(es): mike, mikey, mickey ( mary may exlusive ), mike the bike/fall’s end’s bicycle, resistance’s poster boy, manwhore, cassanova, the archangel ( joseph exclusive ), the antichrist ( also joseph exclusive ), war dog, hughes boy ( fairgrave exclusive ) gender: cis. male age: 30 birth: 6th july, 1988 place of birth: fall’s end, montana spoken languages: english, russian, basic chinese mandarin and turkish sexual preference: pansexual occupation(s): residential shady, shady man ( international arm’s dealer, most recently demoted to local resistance leader and occasional general goods store co-owner )

APPEARANCE

eye colour: green hair colour: brown height: 181cm ( 5′11 ), and 6ft on tinder jkjk man’s confident enough to not grasp for that extra inch, unlike someone ( john ) scars: heavily burnt left hand ( from trying to fish out his ex girlfriend’s boiling corpse r.i.p. to that steaming puss— ), gash on his right temple, nicely healed gun wound on left shoulder, not so nicely healed amputated right hand ( man’s not having the best time in my canon, is he ), various incorrectly healed cuts and bruises

FAVOURITE

colour: green and rustics song: wild world by yusuf/cat stevens food: unlike the faker above, michael actually likes to cook and eat healthy meals, so anything from salads to veggies to oatmeal to soups will do ( and meat; man’s been a vegetarian for a grand total of 4 days in his entire life ( or 14, if you count the time he got abducted to john’s bunker womp )) drink: sugary drinkswhiskey, fresh juices, “water can be so, so sexy, annie—”

HAVE THEY

passed university: no, though michael really busted his ass to self-educate on subjects that will be beneficial to his line of work had sex: we stopped keeping tabs and numbers nearly ten years ago had sex in public: we stopped blinking at these types of shenanigans nearly ten years ago too gotten pregnant/ someone else pregnant: yes? no? maybe? ( mike’s too afraid to even think about it, but hopes he hasn’t fathered any babies any time soon ) kissed a boy: yes ( affectionate ) kissed a girl: yes ( affectionate² ) gotten tattoos: yes: the sword of damocles on his left inner forearm, intertwined snakes running across his right ribs, a tiny smiley face on his ass lord save him gotten piercings: yes, and everyone hated his attempt to revive the 90s with his lil earring like c’mon you already have a reputation of being a sleaze— been in love: yes, but surprisingly not as many times as one may think ( truthfully, three times: mary may, lana, joanne mary may again ) stayed up for more than 24 hours: sometimes it just cannot be helped

ARE THEY

a virgin: maybe in a past life as an amoeba a cuddler: yes ( try to escape his hold during a summer night i’ll give you 5 bucks if you can break the deadlock ) a kisser: he just exists to smooch at this point scared easily: truthfully, he’s quite desensitized as is, so it’s really hard to truly rock him jealous easily: no; though he might get a bit petty and bitter if someone mentions merle and mary may becuase, like, c’mon, mary—merle briggs? trustworthy: one of his better traits, but past events have shown that boy tends to lose some of his morals for love dominant: yes submissive: yes part 2 man will accommodate and switch it up in love: often single: loosely, often

RANDOM QUESTIONS (tw for self harm/suicide mention)

have they harmed themselves: michael has bad mental health trips stemming from having a lot of insecurities as a child; these may evolve into bad habits and pure recklessness on his part to prove his worth thought of suicide: these thoughts don’t come often, but when they do, it’s harder for him than most to shake them off and recover attempted suicide: once, during the boiling pit incident wanted to kill someone: yes, but it comes more from need than want usually have/had a job: yes, though no retail until he was 30 and stuck providing hope county with slugs and bullets have any fears: loneliness, rejection, abandonment, repercussions and consequences, not being good enough, powerlessness, loss, the angel pit, the process of dying

FAMILY

sibling(s): none, but: jackson hughes ( uncle ) parent(s): jessica hughes née scott ( mother ), david hughes ( father ) girl i have his whole family tree drawn up like you wouldn’t believe children: andrew hughes ( son in new dawn au and maybe canon ) significant other: mary may fairgrave ( childhood sweetheart/awkward ex/once in a rare cosmic event fuck buddy/volatile lovers ) pets: peaches loves him she doesn’t; she just wants to chew on his hair

[jaberwockkee]

Songs/Artists/Bands I think certain Sonic characters would listen to

Okay so for a disclaimer! I won’t be covering all Sonic characters, this is mainly what I have been thinking of for each character, so don’t get pressed if ur favorite isn’t in here :-)

FIRST UP : Silver

This man listens to Lord Huron. And I mean LISTENS listens. No matter what album, he is always listening. This isn’t even me projecting, Silver LITERALLY listens to Lord Huron, he told me himself. (He also listens to U2 but ONLY the Songs of Innocence album)

Silver Song : Ancient Names Pt 1 - Lord Huron

Blaze

This woman, as a bad ass bitch, listens to bad ass bitch music. Kali Uchis. Ace of Base. Bad ass shit man gotta say

Blaze Song : Just A Stranger - Kali Uchis

Shadow

This cucker listens to Lil Boodang and cries in his room everytime he listens to Jesus Doesn’t Like That I’m Gay But Satan’s Cool With It. Also Breaking Benjamin. A LOT of Breaking Benjamin. And some MISSIO! This son of a bitch relates so hard to Animal that it was his entire personality trait for a month

Shadow Song : Animal - MISSIO

Rouge

Just like Blaze : boss ass bitch got badass music taste. Tv Girl, Young Gravy, Willow, Marina and the Diamonds, Shakka. She’s everything everyone wants to be.

Rouge Song : Sleeping With the Enemy - Tv Girl

Jet

guilty pleasure is the Backstreet Boys but nobody knows, because he killed anybody who did find out. I would also like to say that he prolly skates to Stuck In The Sound often enough

Jet Song : Let’s Go - Stuck In The Sound

Wave

same as blaze and rouge. Boss ass bitch music. MGMT. Michael Franti. Tyler, The Creator. Missy Elliot. Poppin off wit da BANGERS

Wave Song : People Everyday - Arrested Development

Storm

I would like to say he enjoys some of the oldies, some Journey here and there, the occasional Rag’n’bone Man. Took Biggie Smalls and Tupac from Wave’s music taste

Storm Song : Who Shot Ya - The Notorious B.I.G

Knuckles

This man also listens to Michael Franti and loves his earlier albums. Eddie Money, Shinedown and Ozzy Osbourne connoisseur probably

Knuckles Song : Shot In The Dark - Ozzy Osbourne

Espio

This lad right here is a secret die hard Hall n Oates fan. But he has classic rock Dad taste. Queen, Led Zepplin and the occasional Panic! And Twenty One Pilots

Espio Song : I Can’t Go For That - Hall & Oates

Amy

Amy loves sappy love songs and that badass girl country vibes. So some Houndmouth, The Rare Occasions, The Dixie Chicks

Amy Song : Otis - Houndmouth

FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ANYTHING YOU THINK!

some y’all finna be real mad cuz Sonic n Tails ain’t here. It’s 4 am dude I’m just silly

[mcheang]

Packed lunch

A prompt from @agent-numbuh-227

My prompt is: Lila claiming to know the Head Chef of The Grand Paris hotel but doesn't know that the Head Chef is Alya's mom. Lila starts sprouting a bunch of wrong information like calling the chef "he", having meet them when they visited Italy, being like family to them, etc. Bonus: Chloe is the one who tells Lila who the head Chef is and once Lil hears the surname Cesarie, she turns around to see Alya and Nino glaring at her.

Alya and Marinette like to bring food to eat at school. Not only does it save money, but considering their parents are in the food industry, the food tastes better than standard cafeteria food.

Anyway, Lila had joined Alya, Marinette and Nino for lunch as a forced get-along thing set up by Alya. Marinette promises to be nice if Lila doesn’t talk to her or mention her or anything related to her. It was slow progress but it was progress.

As Lila decided to talk about her feats, Marinette calmly listened and ate her food. It was rather like listening to a parrot blathering nonsense. Marinette could just ignore this stuff. By now, she had lost count of the number things Lila had made up which her friends believed. What was a few more lies?

Alya was smiling. This was progress. Marinette wasn’t reacting at all to Lila. Sure it wasn’t ideal; but it was better than scowling and calling her a liar.

Of course Lila wasn’t content about this. But how to provoke Marinette?

She noticed that both Alya and Marinette had lunch boxes. “Oh, your lunch set looks delicious Alya!”

It was grilled venison with mashed potatoes and gravy and carrots. On a restaurant plate, it would look impressive, but in a plastic lunch box, it looked cramped.

Alya: thanks. But my mother’s a Chef. Kind of goes with the territory!

Brilliant. Lila could use this.

Lila: say, I know the head Chef at Chloe’s hotel. Maybe I could introduce your mother to him and they could exchange ideas?

Lila didn’t know much about the Chef, but considering how Chloé once addressed him as Chef Martin (this is a girl who can’t remember her loyal butler’s name, let alone the mother of a disliked classmate), it was a safe bet that the Chef was a male.

Alya: what did you just say?

Lila grinned smugly. Marinette was still eating away, Lila’s voice had become background noise by now. Something to ignore. But not for long.

Lila: oh, he used to work for my family before he started working for the mayor at his hotel. Can’t blame the guy for wanting a promotion. And this way, he’ll get more recognition from hotel guests instead of my house guests. Still; I’m sure you all can agree that Chloe wouldn’t have her head Chef at her hotel if it weren’t for my mother insisting he come with us on every trip. Not to say that Chef Martin isn’t talented. He was once known as the most talented Chef in China before quitting to start a career in Italy. (A dig at Marinette’s uncle). My mom discovered him when she tried his pastries. They were divine. I tell you, Chef Martin’s pastries are probably the best in the world, he can make all kinds of foreign goodies.

Lila knew that Alya would think she wasn’t intentionally insulting Marinette’s bakery. But even Marinette has her family pride.

What Lila didn’t expect was that Marinette truly wasn’t even listening to her. The nerve! And instead of looking impressed and envious, and possibly even begging for an introduction, Alya was glaring at her and Nino was gaping.

Um... was Alya insulted on behalf of her mother? Family pride issue?

A mean-spirited laughed entered the classroom. Chloé stood there, delicately nibbling on a honey macaron. “News flash, Rossi. The hotel head Chef is called Marie Cesaire (ok, she can get surnames right at least). And I don’t know if I would boast about her baking skills if I have to get my desserts elsewhere.” Sabrina was holding a Dupain-Cheng box.

Lila froze. Reluctantly, her eyes shifted to Alya and Nino, both glaring at her.

Quickly backtracking, Lila said, “Chef Martin must have moved. He probably couldn’t stand Chloé’s tyranny.”

Alya: except my mother has been head Chef since before you arrived. There was no chance for her to be replaced by some Chef you made up! Marinette was right about you. You’re a liar!

Lila: no, I’m not!

Alya: oh, yeah? Prove it?

Lila: why are you being so mean to me? I’m telling the truth.

Nino: did you not just hear Alya telling you how she knows you’re lying?

Lila: I...I...i have a condition that makes me lie uncontrollably. Marinette can attest to that.

Markov: there is no such disease.

Max: but there is compulsive lying.

The argument had garnered class attention.

Rose: you don’t know Prince Ali, do you? But where have you been all those months you were supposed to be at school?

Lila: i do know Prince Ali!

But the class was interrupting her now.

“Let’s visit the embassy and ask them ourselves!”

“Um...we’re teenagers.”

Alya: I’m Vice President and I’m within my rights to ask Mrs Rossi on Lila’s health and attendance record.

Chloé: oh you’re all ridiculous. I can just ask daddy to inquire about how Ladybug saved the ambassador’s daughter.

Lila obviously runs away, hoping to catch an akuma. Adrien runs after and sends Plagg to cataclysm the akuma. He does so, but causes the ground to crack beneath Lila, trapping her.

Lila makes the news, along with her misdeeds.

All the while, Marinette finally looked up when she realized there was an angry mob staring out the door. “What I’d miss?”

[rainbowsky]

Hi! I have two questions regarding things I've read way too many times in fanfic and I always wonder: are these a myth or are these real? Could be both, but I still wanted to know your take on it.

So, sucking dick and "getting clean" for anal. If you're not comfortable answering these, I'm very sorry. I've seen you answering similar things before so I thought it wouldn't be a big deal to ask about it. I actually think sex should be talked about in a clearer, more natural way. Some things are too taboo, especially regarding same sex relationships.

Anyhow. These don't exactly fit only gay relationships, but they're much more portrayed as such.

I agree that fanfiction can be anything the author wants it to be. Sucking dick, tho, makes me cringe a lil when they act like it tastes like ice-cream or candy or whatever. Let's be honest, sucking dick isn't exactly tasty? Can it actually be enjoyable? The experience sure, but the taste of it? Isn't it too "out of it" to portray it as MMM DELICACY? Or am I just missing on something? Idk, sucked dick before and it wasn't this so amazingly pleasant taste... (Same goes for pussy but I mean as actual come, shooting load, you name it)

And the whole "need to get clean for anal", as in doing enemas and throughout cleanse of the intestinal tract, is it really necessary? I thought just like, good hygiene and washing of the area is enough? But I've seen people commenting on it that you absolutely NEED to go for an enema or something similar before engaging in anal. This one I don't have experience in, so I'm really not sure about it.

Thank you for always being so open in your blog, I appreciate it a lot! Sorry if I sounded too weird and if these are stupid. Stay safe, xx.

I think the big mistake a lot of people make when reading about sex is to interpret things based on their own personal experience. If you find sucking cock disgusting, that shouldn't kill the idea that the characters you're reading like sucking cock. They aren't you.

Also, if your partner tastes a bit off, he could always try adjusting his diet. It does have an impact on the taste.

Do actual real human people truly LOVE sucking cock, and find it DELICIOUS and EXCITING? Yes. Some people like it so much that they crave it like fries and gravy. As implied earlier, different guys can taste different as well.

Anal prep stuff is vastly misunderstood, it’s true. For those wondering about all of that stuff, this is by far the best overview I've ever seen on the subject. Nothing I could write would even come close to the thorough and accurate details here.

Thanks for your kind words, Anon, I'm glad you enjoy my blog. 🙂

[gyllenhaalstories]

GRATITUDE & ATTITUDE — THANKSGIVING WITH RAPPER!JAKE HEADCANONS.

anonymous asked:  what would rapper jake be like at Thanksgiving?

warnings: confused canadian tries to understand american thanksgiving, multiple mentions of food/eating, daddy kink, brief mentions of smut (as usual).

notes: i apologize if i’m not representing thanksgiving properly, i tried to do as much research as possible though! for those who don’t have this holiday/don’t associate with the religious aspects of it (like me!), this is pretty much focused on family gatherings and food, so you’re good! i found the gifs in a gif hunt and idk who made them, i’m sorry i can’t credit the creators. i was listening to mirrorball by taylor swift and glee’s let’s have a kiki/turkey lurkey so... yeah don’t vibe with me this time! happy thanksgiving to everyone who celebrate it! <3

food. this holiday was about food and nobody could tell rapper!jake otherwise.

the mountain of grocery bags and produce in the kitchen proved his point. he was determined to turn into all of those friendly people he watched on food network. you know, the kind eyed grandmas and the men with funky glasses? he even got an aprin. and new oven mits in which his hands actually fit. he had all of the recipes printed out on paper, then taped on the cabinets’ doors. he had the biggest smile on his face.

“when we’ll have kids, imma cook them yummy dinners every night.” he greeted you with this promise when you walked in the kitchen, rubbing your tired eyes.

you checked the clock on the microwave. it was 8: 20 am.

jake caught up on your confusion. “i waited in the parking lot to be the first person there as they open, ordered all the food online last night when you were sleeping. i picked up a cute table center piece on my way back. isn’t it lovely?”

lovely. that’s not a word he used often.who was this man and where was your boyfriend?

you turned your head and found a very autumn looking arrangement of candles and wood and other golden elements. you nodded slowly, approving of his choice.

you turned your heels, ready to go back to bed and ignore the upcoming chaos in the kitchen as lil chef jakey-jake was about to cook for an entire army.

“don’t you wanna be a good girl and help daddy cook for your parents?”

soon enough you two were wearing matching aprins, you had jake’s hands printed in flour on your butt as he fed you slices of apple while putting the pie together.

it was barely two in the afternoon and everything was ready or finishing to cook. jake made sure to let you taste test everything. he didn’t want you to be too full, so he let you snack on some froot loops around lunch time. he couldn’t deal with a hangry hostess, tonight was too special for that!

you started to yawn and get cranky and quite frankly, he was not doing any better.

“let’s nap before we feast like royalty” he suggested.

you cleaned the kitchen at the speed of lightning.

jake grabbed your hand and pulled you upstairs. he tucked you in. you spooned him, hiding your hands under his t-shirt to keep them warm as you too quickly fell asleep. he was too exhausted to laugh at your cold fingers toasting against his skin.

the alarm ran so loud that jake jumped off the bed (he caught himself before falling on the floor).

“wake up, buttercup.”

you earned a kiss on your temple, basically the only corner of skin exposed from under the blankets.

you growled in response, missing the warmth of his body.

“oh, is that so? you’re not gonna let daddy make you feel good in the shower?”

won’t you look at that, your pyjama was tossed on the floor, steam was leaving the glass shower and your back was pressed against the tiles as jake held you up and fucked into you, slow and deep.

“stuffin’ you up so good” jake laughed, as both of you were close to your release.

you exploded in laughter, jake echoing your gleeful giggles. he went to rub your sensitive clit and a few seconds later, you were screaming out his name.

the two of you got dressed. he wore a black shirt. you wore something that matched. you put on light makeup and perfume as jake watched your reflection on the steamy mirror, his arms wrapped around your waist.

“tonight is going to be perfect.” you reassure him, making him grin.

the door bell rang and jake ran down the stairs. he let you fix his rebellious collar and press a kiss on the tip of his nose.

the door slammed open. “mom, dad! so good to see you!” jake greeted your parents, remembering how you introduced them to him the first time.

another wave of laughter. jake noticed that you had the same happy wrinkles at the corner of your eyes as your mother. he loved that new detail about you.

“gather around, the food is ready!” jake said and your mom offered to help him serve the plates. he accepted, thankful for an extra pair of hands.

the table was quickly covered with mashed potatoes, chicken (he didn’t want to roast a whole turkey for the four of you), roasted veggies, salad, gravy, bread and basically everything you could think of (he kept the froot loops on the counter in case you didn’t like his newfound recipes).

jake buttered a slice of bread for you, earning a smile from your father.

you gave him a bite of stuffing and the two of you laughed at his cheesy dirty talk from earlier.

jake leaned closer to your ear, when your parents discussed some encounter with wild turkeys they had on their way home. it was picturesque, but jake’s words snapped you out of this reverie.

“all the food is good, but your pussy’s still my favourite flavour.”

you choked on your sip of hot apple cider for a quick second.

this man had no shame.

rapper!jake started to talk to your dad about the hockey season. and to your mom about the carrot cake recipe he found that he wanted to make with her.

you blinked away a happy tear.

the rest of thanksgiving dinner went smoothly. you guys went to watch television, some old scenes of charlie brown were playing. jake switched to music instead, the smooth jazz of louis armstrong brought your dad to invite you for a slow dance around living room. jake did the same with your mother.

eventually, you tried to switch partners and your dad ended up dancing with jake. they both went all in, suddenly thinking they were in a royal ballroom.

it was after the four of you stopped laughing that your mother suggested they drove back home.

it had started to snow outside, pretty hard.

“why don’t you stay? we have a guest room.”

the we made you feel all happy inside. it was jake’s house, he worked so hard to afford it. yet, he considered it yours too.

“we don’t want to bother the lovebirds!” your mom tried to deny the invitation.

“family is never a reason to be bothered.”

these words came from jake.

the same jake who, not too long ago, didn’t even speak to his own family. he didn’t want to have anything to do with them.

the same jake who was about to break down at the thought of meeting your parents.

the same jake who thought would never have a family of his own.

your parents smiled and thanked the both of you.

jake gave your dad some merch and sweatpants for sleep wear. your mom took your favourite pyjama set.

they were fast asleep.

and you thought jake would be too, after such an exhausting day of running around.

“what are you thinking about, my love?” you asked.

jake shrugged, moving his arm so you could snuggle up against him. you rested your head on his naked chest. the beat of his heart was peaceful, almost enchanting.it was your favourite musi.

“we didn’t say what we were thankful for.” he remembered the essential tradition of thanksgiving.

“then say it now.” you chuckled softly.

“i’m thankful for you,” he poked your nose, making you scrunch it adorably. “thankful i get to see you smile, get to hug you and kiss you, get to sing to you until you sleep...”

he kept going with millions of other details.

“i’m thankful for the wonderful human that you are, jacob.”

strangely, he was both tearing up and getting a boner at the same time. you can’t blame him, there’s something very hot about being open and vulnerable.

you moved on top of him, trailing kisses on his jawline and neck, on that sweet spot that drove him wild right under his ear. you painted his collarbone with more kisses.

your pace slowed down, your body was falling against his.

he wrapped his arms around you, making sure you were safe and sound as he heard you snoring slightly.

he laughed through his nose, not bothering to turn the lamp off.

he opened his mouth one last time that evening, to whisper those three magical words:

“i love you.”