#i think ever since i first heard that i was like ok cool so the next installment's gonna be something earth shatteringly bad

[galacticlamps]

actually ascension needs its own post since that's the one with the most details to speculate over and im starved for soho talk so i will talk to myself if need be

First the cover again, because I kinda can't get over it:

my only thing is that I had been hoping we might get Lizbeth on a cover again since she's never been on one of the boxsets before, despite being the 2nd person credited on all 4 of them (even if that's just alphabetical, still, she's the only one of the four main characters who never makes the cover)

But letting that go...

I know we already kinda knew the brief for this one but damn I didn't expect it to go quite this hard. Maybe that's just because the Parasite & Ashenden covers were (comparatively) similarish to each other and I was so pleased with Unbegotten's, and then got so used to it as the placeholder for Ascension while they kept postponing it, I wasn't expecting anything this colorful or detailed or with what I can't help but register as Fun New Outfits even though these are still like, pretty damn basic as far as costumes go. Still, it's a different vibe from everyone in suits and trenchcoats on every cover, technically. (Oh the woes of being an audio fan such that two characters owning sweaters actually does qualify as new information)

On top of just being visually delightful though, I know we knew religion was gonna be a fairly big part of this one, but I didn't actually expect to get quite this much of it - though I'm glad of it for a number of reasons. The BF twitter already made the ineffable joke so I don't have to, but also yeah I did very much spend all of season 2 episode 4 of good omens half convinced Samuel Barnett & Dervla Kirwan were about to pop up around any given corner (if you will go around being gay supernatural and horrible at your messy bureaucratic jobs in midcentury soho then I'm sorry, this is where my brain's gonna go) - so, fuel to that fire. But in terms of actual important things, at least one of my Soho wishes looks to be being granted because we have a Rev Edward Folgate on the cast list, which must mean we're finally meeting Norton's father, even if his mother & brother don't appear (which they could, technically, I've definitely seen BF not list all the doublings on their cast tabs before). Religion, domesticity, and the nuclear family are all things that absolutely fascinate me when it comes to Norton's character, so getting any amount of story involving his father & his church is something I've been actively hoping for for a long time now.

(I will say I'm a tiny bit bummed Saffron Coomber isn't on the cast list to play Mia again, but I kinda figured she wasn't going to be since Greg Austin's Armitage, who's making his first recurring appearance after originating in Unbegotten, was listed ever since the boxset was announced - presumably if she was also returning, that would've been handled in the same way. But since Unbegotten ended with Lizbeth and Mia going on a date, I still held out hope. Who knows though, maybe things did go well for them and Lizbeth just has a better work/life balance than Norton so she can date someone without them getting dragged into every scifi plot. I know that's not a very common accomplishment for any Torchwood agent, but a gal can hope)

At this point I know I'm completely in the realm of speculation & even wishful thinking, but I'm really really hoping we get some more clues as to Norton's overall timeline in this one, and I have a feeling that even if there's nothing as direct as dates given, the events of a plot like this one are going to heavily influence my personal interpretation of it.

To say that life & death are major themes for the soho crew feels wildly reductive, but even by Torchwood's standards and taking into account its origins as a piece of media with Jack Harkness & his newfound immortality at the heart of it, the living/dead status of this bunch has always been fantastically up in the air to me. Obviously Ghost Mission introduced Norton as kind of a ghost before revealing more obvious ghostly characters later on to which the title might have been referring, but his being from the past did beg the question of his survival into Torchwood's present era all the same, which Outbreak later alludes to much more directly, and his habit of showing up via hologram in multiple stories only further obfuscates any certainty we might have about where & when he definitely can be said to be alive and well. Then you've got Lizbeth and Gideon both being effectively 'brought back to life' via paradoxes that prevented them ever having died in the first place. Again, they are very very far from being the only Torcwhood characters this happens to (for a sprawling EU, it's really rather impressive how often & in how many different ways Torchwood as a whole manages to circle back to being about like. chaotic undead queers at the end of every day. though I suppose that consistency is part of why I keep falling in love with its different iterations again and again). That's without even getting into the question of Norton's dubious fate in God Among Us - and I say dubious because I know some people take that to be his ultimate death, but I personally think that reading something as vague as that as having any kind of finality rather goes against the spirit of this whole world/series, not just because I want him to live. (There are obviously other ways to make him survive/reappear, but I don't see this as a River Song scenario where we can safely assume one of his earlier-released adventures had to happen at the end of his personal timeline). But wherever God Among Us falls for him, he does very much meet God in it - or at least, a god, since the sentinel in Unbegotten is also described as a god of sorts, and even if he doesn't ultimately have the status of the god Jacqueline King is playing there, Unbegotten is still full to bursting with ghosts/undead/came back wrong/echo characters to continue underscoring that life/afterlife theme.

So all things considered, even allowing for the fact that we know Norton's twin hobbies are lying about himself and abusing time travel to suit his own ends/ever-shifting alliances, I find it difficult to believe we could get through a whole 6-part boxset about religion & death without something providing some kind of compelling evidence about where this adventure fits in among his other run-ins with apocalypses and gods and ghosts and dead-but-still-here characters/creatures, so I'm very much looking forward to any further exploration on that front.

And lastly, and least intellectually, I really want to know what the hell 20th-century Torchwood's obsession with Reginalds is. Reading through the cast list, I had to do two separate doubletakes over the character 'Sir Reginald Peebles' - firstly, because I had Reginald Rigsby on the brain, this being Soho (and the other Troughton brother being so active on BF's releases for this same month) - and secondly, because reading this in conjunction with the announcement for the July monthly adventure in which the new main Torchwood guy of the 20s is apparently called Sir Reginald Dellafield, there was a brief moment where I took that monthly release to be a tie-in with Ascension. I don't expect it to be, but damn. was it really so popular a name?

anyways, catch me thinking about those stained glass windows for the next couple months I guess (and knowing Torchwood Soho, for a long long time after it comes out as well lol)

[norrisainz33]

Southern belle || CL16

☆ summary: charles’ and oscar’s rumored girlfriend is the it girl in country music and with the austin grand prix approaching fans wonder if they’ll finally know who she’s with

☆ pairing: charles leclerc x american!singer!reader

☆ fc & warnings: megan moroney and slightly suggestive - you are responsible for the content you consume

☆ requested: yes!! thank you for this request 🤍

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

ynuser has made a post

liked by sabrinacarpenter, charlesleclerc, oscarpiastri, patriciooward, formula1, arianagrande and 301,356 others

ynuser: huge announcement 🚨 i’m singing the national anthem at the austin grand prix!!! i can’t wait to see y’all there but in the meantime, i’m practicing my driving 🏎️🤍

view all 364 comments

user1: ohhhhhh my god yessss

user2: everyone peep both oscar and charles in the likes…..

user22: begging for new music queen 😭

formula1: quick someone get her seat on the grid

ynuser: put me in coach!

scuderiaferrari: you’re always welcome to join us for the weekend 😉

mclarenf1: or you can join us 🧡

user4: taking note of both ferrari and mclaren being here 💀

user3: MY FAV ARTIST AT MY FIRST GP?! IT DOESNT GET BETTER THAN THIS

patriciooward: see you there princessa

ynuser: can’t wait 🤍

user4: and why do none of yall think they’re together??

sabrinacarpenter: prettiest girl in the world

ynuser: says you,, a literal goddess

user6: y/n/n this is huge!!! i’m so excited for you

f1gossip has made a post

liked by user1, user2, user3, user4, user5, and 7,293 others

f1gossip: y/n y/l/n dropped a new song today and all signs say these lyrics could be about our very own charles leclerc. she sang this song for the first time today in atlanta while wearing a shirt that says “i 🤍 my situationship.” this comes after rumors of the pairing secretly seeing each other after being photographed together briefly in a miami nightclub. do we think the man who ‘isn’t from where she’s from and feels like home’ is a certain monegasque ferrari driver?

view all 435 comments

user1: first of all the shirt is absolutely iconic and i will be buying one exactly like it

user1: second of all i honestly hope she is talking abt charles

user2: idk the fact that the song is called tennessee orange makes me think it could be oscar… didn’t he also get rumored to be with her?

user3: omg it could be oscar!

user1: why would you guys think it’s oscar???

user2: user1 i think it’s because of that video mclaren posted where oscar and lando had to guess the lyrics to songs and one of y/n’s songs was played and oscar sang like the entire thing and lando was like umm??? and oscar turned beat red and said he really liked y/n

user1: ohhhhh my goodness ok i didn’t see that video. begging one of you to do a breakdown of all the info we have for oscar vs charles

user2: i got you , lemme make a twitter thread brb

user14: did y’all consider that this song is truly about a man from tennessee

user3: no! hope this helps!!

user4: ever since she dropped the lore that she loves f1 y’all have been grasping at straws to connect her to a driver fr

user34: do we think she could get him to a rodeo? i’d die to see charles at one

user7: praying with everything that i have that we get an answer abt who she is with at cota

user5: obsessed with this level of delulu from you f1gossip

user8: could you imagine the charles leclerc being your situationship???? i mean wow

ynuser has added to their story

view all story replies

user1: why is everything you do so hot

user2: i wish i could see if oscar or charles swiped up

_quinnhughes: how about you come visit me next?

ynuser: i have heard vancouver is nice this time of year

charlesleclerc: oh wow

ynuser: 🤭🤭🤭

charlesleclerc: you’re more than welcome to take me for a ride after you’re done there

oscarpiastri: need some pointers on how to do this myself

ynuser: it’s all in the hips osc

oscarpiastri: noted

user12: i’m obsessed with you

user13: ok! cool girls ride mechanical bulls! taking notes 📝

user14: thank you for being so sweet at the bar this evening and taking a picture with us!! you are literally the nicest person in the world 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

ynuser has posted to their story

view all story replies

user3: IM HERE AND IM READY!! YOU ARE GONNA EAT UP THAT NATIONAL ANTHEM

user6: RAHHHHH AMERICA 🇺🇸 🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸

oscarpiastri: hoping you are my good luck charm y/n

ynuser: wishing you a safe race ossie 🧡

user8: ugh youre in blue you were supposed to be in red or papaya to confirm which boy you’re with

charlesleclerc: i think you’d look amazing in ferrari red

ynuser: you think so?

charlesleclerc: i know so

iamrebeccad: i can’t wait to see you later

ynuser: likewise 🤍

yourbff: you’re living the dream, i miss you bestie

ynuser: i miss you more. please come visit me soon 😭

user13: so excited for you gorgeous girl

f1gossip has made a post

liked by user1, user2, user3, user4, yourbff, user5, user6, and 12,345 others

f1gossip: charles and oscar were stood next to each other during y/n’s rendition of the american national anthem and didn’t even look at each other once during the entire thing. do we think there’s trouble in paradise between the father son pair? could both of them be pining over the same gorgeous american princess?

view all 333 comments

user2: them standing next to each other is diabolical

user8: she IS america’s sweetheart and i just hope whatever boy she’s with is treating her right

user6: the way she was unphased and just pranced right on by them in her little cowgirl boots… iconic

user3: i was praying that she was going to stop and wish one of them good luck

user14: guys have we CONSIDERED that just bc she likes the sport and the drivers know who she is doesn’t necessarily mean she’s with one of them?!

user1: imma hold your hand when i say this

user22: my money is on one of them winning and kissing her in celebration

user33: my money is on them being secretly photographed at an after party

user44: tbh my money is on nothing being confirmed this weekend

user23: you better put some respect on my girls name and at least mention how she NAILED that anthem

charlesleclerc has made a post

liked by scuderiaferrari, landonorris, maxverstappen1, carlossainz55, ynuser, yourbff and 634,910 others

charlesleclerc: thank you austin for a fantastic weekend

view all 999 comments

user7: OHHHH MY GOD

user2: i know that’s my girl y/n!!!!!! that’s y/n!!!!! you can’t convince me otherwise!!!

user1: it’s her 😭😭 war is over 😭😭😭

scuderiaferrari: congratulations on a great weekend ❤️

user3: she put him in a cowboy hat i’m screaming

maxverstappen1: 👀

charlesleclerc: 🥰

carlossainz55: who is that in the last photo? surely not you

charlesleclerc: it is me in the last photo!

carlossainz55: your pants are oddly tight there

user16: i love a cl16 podium

ynuser: who’s that cowboy?

charlesleclerc: your cowboy

user2: STOP IT

f1gossip: and y’all didn’t believe me

user73: someone check on oscar

landonorris: lmfao they’re all friends it’s ok

user2: LANDO IS ALWAYS AT THE WCENE OF THE CRIME

user24: prettiest boy on the podium as always

charlesleclerc has posted to his story

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user44: glad she stayed true and is wearing a football shirt and not ferrari merch

maxverstappen1: feeling a little betrayed that i’m finding out with the rest of the world. WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME

charlesleclerc: mate i didn’t tell anyone

maxverstappen1: but i’m not just anyone 😔

yourbff: my beautiful girl - you better be good to her

charlesleclerc: i will be don’t worry!

user2: the confirmation i needed im obsessed with you both

ynuser: will always wear red for you charlie 😘

charlesleclerc: that’s my girl ❤️

user4: who’s this diva

user14: whelp i didn’t see this coming

carlossainz55: get her in a ferrari cap asap! also rebecca says you need to bring her to more races

charlesleclerc: trust me if i had it my way she’d be at all of them

user55: an american princess and a monegasque prince… a perfect match

ynuser has made a post

liked yourbff, scuderiaferrari, sabrinacarpenter, oliviarodrigo, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri and 239,836 others

ynuser: mama i like him a lot 🤭 (p.s i’ve always looked better in red)

view all 867 comments

user6: can the european mind even comprehend texas and college football y/n?

yourbff: well… we’re all about to find out!

user2: brb sobbing this is so cute

landonorris: how did you convince him to put on a cowboy hat???

ynuser: it wasn’t easy that’s for sure

user3: my 2 fav things colliding. y/n and f1 ,,, i used to pray for times like this

charlesleclerc: and i like you a lot

ynuser: 🤭 i’m so glad you do

charlesleclerc: it’s simply impossible not to

user67: mama y papa

user89: i can’t believe you’ve fallen for a vroom vroom that isn’t in nascar

scuderiaferrari: welcome to the family y/n ❤️

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: thanks for reading!! likes and reblogs appreciated 🫶🏻

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction

© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[lonelypep]

every smash bros character ranked by how good of a cook i think they’d be.

82: piranha plant

eating this dish will kill you instantly. turns out he spit some poison in there while no one was looking. and yeah, that sucks, but if you even accepted a meal from this guy i think you have bigger problems

81: ridley.

let’s be real, if you let this guy into the kitchen, you made a huge mistake. it’s like john mulaney’s horse in a hospital sketch: you never know what he’s gonna do next. you’re too focused on getting him out.

80: king k rool.

king k rool is many things. a king, a pirate, a scientist. but he is not a cook. he’ll try, but he has literally no clue what he’s even doing in the kitchen.

79: yoshi

yoshi will give you a dish and you’ll be like “what the fuck is this” and he’ll talk about how it was made from the finest newborns of his home planet. i’m deciding to ignore it but it’s really nagging at me.

78: sonic

sonic shouldn’t be on this list. because he wouldn’t make you any food. he’ll go to the local sonic and get a burger in about 3 minutes. it sucks. disqualified.

77: pac man

what can i say. it tastes like literal plastic. i don’t even wanna know how he made it. i’ll give it back to him but the nice thing about pac man is he wouldn’t give a shit.

76: bowser jr.

fuck this guy. he rage quit at making a grilled cheese. now there’s a literal canonball in the stove. now no one else can use it!! this is what happens when you spoil kids.

75: pikachu/pichu

these two are in the same category since they’d make the same thing. they’d get store bought french fries and fry them with lighting outside. it’s consistent, it works, just not really filling. and they don’t know how to make anything else.

74. wario

don’t get me wrong: he knows what he’s doing. he’s the burger king of smash. he’s this low because the burger is the most unhealthy shit you’ll ever have. eating it gave you chronic diarrhea, gastrointestinal issues, and permanently damaged your taste buds. but god fucking damn was it a good burger.

73. hero

he gave you a single piece of bread with butter on it. it’s not bad but…really dude?

72: olimar

he didn’t make you a bad meal, in fact it was one of the best here. but that’s because he didn’t make you something. it was the pikmin and he’s trying to pass it off as his own and the pikmin don’t know because they don’t speak english. 0/10: not fucking cool dude.

71: kazuya

honestly? i don’t trust this guy. i was too intimidated to even ask his name. from what i can gather no one even invited him to the party he just showed up and made a mediocre meal. what’s weird: someone came into the kitchen and claimed this guy killed their whole family. we never saw that guy again. needless to say, kazuya wasn’t invited to the afterparty.

70: link (botw)

don’t get me wrong here, link is a five star chef. he’s just really unsanitary. apparently he cut the meat and vegetables with the same sword he killed calamity ganon with. i don’t wanna taste that guy!! have you seen him?? not to mention he pulled the meal out of his pants. i don’t even know how it fit in there.

69: inkling

she made a pancake and i thought it was good! but i absolutely can’t condone this. inkling left so much fucking weird slime and shit all over my house. and got really competitive when she heard i was getting meals from everyone else. i hope they’re all ok.

68: ROB

it was so processed. the most processed food i’ve ever had in my entire life. it’s not his fault, rob is a great guy. but this tasted like literally nothing.

67: ice climbers

when they told me they were making dessert, i trusted them. but i let someone else taste test first. my best friend was sent to the hospital because of tongue frostbite. didn’t even know that was a thing. i made the ice climbers pay for it (they’re fucking loaded)

66: villager

he made isabelle do it. and she made something great! but i’m not giving this cretin credit for having the money to afford a five star chef. you don’t deserve it because you sold a shit ton of tarantulas villager!!

65: lucario.

dude got really mad and destroyed my kitchen. he’s REALLY lucky he got the burger PERFECTLY cooked.

64: male byleth.

like this dude knows how to cook. he can barely make chicken nuggets. he has to eat in the school cafeteria simply because he never learned how to cook a simple meal. but he’s a really nice guy. total himbo. love him.

63: ryu

i asked this guy what he likes to eat. big mistake. he then went on to say that his training regiment doesn’t condone copious indulgence (his words) and he lives off of nothing but protein shakes. you do you i guess.

62-61: fox/falco

these two went into the kitchen and came out with weird alien food. i didn’t eat it but everyone else seemed to enjoy it

60: greninja

when he first came out i was so excited. he came out with the most finely sliced food i had ever seen in my entire life. but it was soooo watered down. everything tasted like celery. how do you make crab taste like celery?? how??!

59-58: simon/richter

these guys both made the same exact fish recipe, came out at the same time, and proceeded to fight each other. i didn’t get to try any 😭

57-49: every fire emblem character.

genuinely, i can’t tell these guys apart. or their food choices. honestly, my bad. i’m sure they’re good. but where do i even start.

48: sheik

she doesn’t know how to cook. she kidnapped someone else. normally i wouldn’t put someone like that this high but a. i have gender envy b. it’s for the greater good (or so she said)

47: cloud

dude made a great sandwich but he kept screaming random noises while he did. personally, i’m just glad he managed not to destroy the kitchen. that’s a first here.

46: captain falcon

he promised he’d pick up some pizza but got into a car crash on the way there. eventually he got there after the car crash was all sorted out, but got into ANOTHER on the way back. i’m honestly kind of impressed

45: steve

steve could cook an absolutely fucking KILLER meal. he’ll even offer to do it for free. but you shouldn’t let him under any circumstances. he took 13 hours gathering materials and while the wait was, arguably, worth it, i never want to experience it again. (side note: we asked captain falcon to get some pizza while waiting which led to the aforementioned entry)

44: sora

sora doesn’t know how to cook but he’s by far the biggest name at this party. everyone fucking loves him. he’s friends with GOOFY. this dude hangs out with GOOFY. this guys has hung out with GOOFY AND jack sparrow. bad food but i could listen to this guy talk for hours about his story. i’m sure i’ll understand it all.

43-40: pokémon trainer

this guys organization is fucking atrocious. if he can actually get his shit together he’ll cook up some nice vegetarian meals, but that’s a big if.

HONORABLE MENTION: sans mii gunner

sans undertale is a world renowned, famous chef. his recipes are simple, but cooked with such love, care, and finess it turns a simple cheeseburger into a masterpiece. sans undertale would easily top this list. sans mii gunner is not sans undertale. he bought the real sans’ cookbook and thinks he’s some kind of cooking genius. and sure he’s got the recipes but none of the skill to actually make it.

39-38: samus/zero suit samus

hooray! we’re out of bad cook options now. samus is a great cook, but she’s so used to her alien delicacies she doesn’t know how to cook on earth anymore. shame, but i trust her to produce something edible.

37: shulk

he is really good at the grill. unfortunately, he refused to put a shirt on and made everyone a little uncomfy. that being said, he showed me the beach boys and i had never listened to them before. so he gets points.

36-35: pit/dark pit

these guys don’t know how to cook but the flew into the sky and killed some mythical bird for everyone to eat. i couldn’t have any, i’m pescatarian, but everyone else loved it.

34: bayonnetta

she opened a portal to a waffle house and a bunch of demons came flying out. she didn’t make anything, but honestly, absolutely legendary experience that was.

33: duck hunt

you’d think a dog wouldn’t bring anything meaningful. this would be false. that is the freshest duck i’ve ever seen in my entire life. (didn’t eat it: pescatarian)

32: king dedede

he made his legendary homemade mashed potatoes. everyone loved them. so creamy… weirdly perfect. too bad i hate the monarchy. sorry bud.

31: meta knight

meta knight is a great cook and should be higher. but i don’t want him to be. because he’s so fucking pretentious. he sliced all the food in front of everyone and wouldn’t shut up about radiohead. hate this guy.

30-29: daisy/peach

these two put all their private chefs together to make something for everyone. great catering, great food, but they didn’t technically make it. love them.

28: mewtwo

as if mewtwo wouldn’t just read someone’s mind and cook something. but it’s not mewtwo’s food…so…. sorry dude you cheated.

27: dark samus

she really surprised me here. she cooked up the most exquisite alien delicacies i’ve ever tasted in my entire life. should be higher. but unfortunately, i had to get a space parasite removed from my system by regular samus. honestly though… it was worth it.

26: ganon

he was rude to everyone about his cooking skills and wouldn’t stop bragging. asshole am i right? but surprised everyone by grilling his god damn heart out. he’s a bad try hard but like go off i guess.

25: isabelle

she’s trying her absolute fucking best and she deserves the world here. amazing cook, we need to save her from the island.

24: little mac

dude went so hard. brought new york pizza ALL THE WAY FROM NEW YORK. ok, not literally, but he made a damn good pizza

23: snake

full disclosure: snake doesn’t know how to cook. also no one knows he’s an agent. but he has to cook to blend in so you BEST BELIEVE this man is going to COOK like his life depends on it.

22-20: young link, ness, and lucas

all these guys are incredibly mature for their age. surprised everyone at this party. i had deep and philosophical conversations with all of them about appreciating life. i fucking cried. oh and they made everyone sandwiches, and even took my pescatarianism into account.

19: rosalina

she brought weird space ice cream and i felt my mind expanding as i ate it. love her.

18: mr game and watch

he feels like everyone’s dad! and he’s one of those cooks who cooks in front of everyone. dude flung his meals onto everyone’s plates expertly. love him.

17: joker

originally much lower on this list, joker showed up at my house and attempted to make a grilled cheese and made the worst thing i’ve ever taste. then he said something about gru from despicable me and stood in the corner for an hour. originally i had him towards the bottom but then he doordashed five gigantic burgers, ate all of them in one sitting, and then made me an expensive curry that tasted fantastic. dude went hard.

it was at this point i realized i made a mistake with the numbers. like hell if i’m going to fix the whole thing.

22: zelda

she made some weird food but damn was it pretty to look at! crystals, magic power, i mean good vibes all around here.

21-20: pyra and mythra

i feel like i should put them here since they’re confirmed to be good cooks in the game. but between you and me, i didn’t invite them. i’d consider some entries before this to be better cooks but at this point i’ve been working on this list for 8 hours i do not wanna go back and fix things please i mean this whole list is a joke no one should take this seriously

19: banjo and kazooie

these guys can fucking cook. they’ve been living on their own for a while so it makes sense but it still surprises me. they made a really big stew and even brought free puzzle games.

18: wolf

GRILL MASTER. dude knows what he’s doing on that thing. i’ve never seen better spatula work. holy shit.

17: kirby

kirby came in with some weird blonde hair and made some FANTASTIC ribs (that i didn’t have bc i’m pescatarian). weirdly, gordon ramsey went missing the same day…. i’m sure it means nothing.

16: mario

dude made some absolutely spectacular spaghetti. but he kept talking about how great he is and it really off put some people. kinda weird dude.

15: dr mario. dude brought 50 apples to the potluck. guess he doesn’t wanna see anyone in the office. and he didn’t because we ate them all. take that.

14: min min

she brought some soup dumplings which a lot of people hadn’t had! love her. literally fantastic. she had a whole arm for cooking. that’s what we call efficient.

13: ken

he’s kenough. he is amazing at barbecue. he can cook things with his hands, juggle, also he’s just a fun presence. (i made him make fake meat burgers for me)

12: jigglypuff

she showed up with so many pastries. like so many. not only that, but they were decorative!! she put so much work into that. love her.

11: luigi

he tried to make spaghetti like his brother but a literal fucking meteor slammed into his pot and cracked it. tough luck. then he offered to pay and i refused, but went out and got me some really expensive spaghetti anyways! he’s such a nice guy!! shouldn’t be this high… but i love this guy so much. he’s trying his hardest and i respect that.

10: toon link

toon link didn’t actually make anything. but his mom came and made everyone a salad. and honestly! his mom is some great company. she had so many interesting stories about his childhood. honestly she added so much to the function

9: terry

he is the BARBECUE MASTER!!!! literally what the hell how is he so good! everyone at the party kinda stereotyped him but he’s really really progressive with his views which you wouldn’t think for a big barbecue muscle guy in a baseball cap but everyone loved this guy.

8: mega man

the MASTER CHEF!! literally. he was on master chef. he uses thin round blades to slice vegetables, heats things perfectly, has an instance knowledge of spices, just damn. this guy knows what he’s doing.

7-6: bowser and donkey kong

common misconception: everyone thinks these two would have no idea how to cook. but these are FAMILY GUYS HERE!! they’re providing for absolutely gigantic families, these fuckers know how to make a sandwich and they did. initially they started off making separate sandwiches but they have a really similar recipe and decided to work together. and i really respect that. also turns out peach is just bowser’s kids’ babysitter.

5: palutena.

everyone expected her to show up with some absolutely mystical food. naturally, she showed up with the literal ambrosia of the gods. holy shit. unfortunately, she didn’t put as much effort into it as she could’ve.

4: sephiroth.

ok this guy didn’t really cook anything amazing. but his sheer fucking commitment to the vibe is literally legendary. this man has a long as sword he cut 10 veggies at a time with. he heat them with magic world ending fire. when he was done in the kitchen he surrounded himself with fire and gazed menacingly at me. his sheer commitment to the edge lord aesthetic is truly exemplary.

3: incineroar.

THE GRILLING GOAT!! this man is a grill master. he was prepared to grill ANYTHING. and i mean anything. fish, veggies, meat, fucking grilled cheese. love this guy.

2: wii fit trainer

she made the most well balanced and healthy salad i’ve ever had. and she made it taste extraordinary. she can be a little intense about fitness but i’ve never had a healthier meal in my life. it immediately lowered my extremely high cholesterol.

1. diddy kong

he’s about ten. he made you a pb&j. he had homework to do, but he made you a pb&j. he didn’t have to. he wasn’t asked to. he just wanted to make you a pb&j. he could’ve done anything else but he made you a pb&j. what heartless monster wouldn’t accept it.

[tigerf00d]

Stack It

Pairing: Spike x Reader

Other Characters: Giles, Buffy (only mentioned)

Tags: No use of Y/N, gender neutral reader (afab body, one use of the word ‘princess’), slight injury, hurt/comfort. Mentions of Spike's past.

Word Count: 3k

Summary:

“Just your luck, the one person you didn’t want seeing your epic landing that you swear you could have brushed off and been a-ok in time to join the others to patrol.”

After Buffy arranges herself a rare night off, reader is determined to patrol when things go wrong.

A/N: Posted this a while ago on my Ao3, but since I just finished the second part, I figured I would finally transfer it here!

UGHHHH. Sometimes Spike can just be… such a pain in the ass. He was a stupid vamp with the stupid instant noodles hair and, his stupid voice and stupid cluelessness.

God, and he’s just so head over heels for Buffy and I hate the jealousy, but I’m right there. I know I’m not the slayer, but I like to think being her shadow has its perks! Well, perks besides always being around the slayer to see her get doted on by Spike and his stupid, pretty smile.

Whatever, D.D. I have to go. I will update you tomorrow.

You sighed, closing the notebook, holding your innermost thoughts and feelings before tucking it securely into its hiding spot. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust your friends not to go through it; it was just that a certain vamp that held your affections had the tendency to peruse whatever handwritten book was at his disposal. Which, as annoying as it was, reminded you of the first time you felt feelings for him. While reminiscing sounded mighty appealing when the alternative was the cold, dark night just outside your window, you couldn’t hesitate. Tonight was all hands on deck for patrolling so Buffy could have a full night’s sleep for once, an idea you were fully behind. Sleep was so so nice, and she rarely got very much of it.

Looking once more at the area where your diary was, you turned back to the window and exited, but not before tripping on the ledge that you only seem to trip on when you absolutely do not need to trip on it (not that you ever do), landing not so gracefully into a bush… and maybe one of your neighbour’s garden sculptures, which to its credit, looks fine, if a little completely broken in half. You, on the other hand? That’s gonna leave a mark. Maybe. It should be fine.

Ok, so when you wrote “Slayer’s shadow”, there was an emphasis on the shadow. You didn’t have any of that mystical, cool and not-at-all painful landing juice in your veins. Fuck that hurt. Was your side wet, or were you just imagining things in your new dazed state?

“Did you just… fall out of that window?”

Just your luck, the one person you didn’t want seeing your epic landing that you swear you could have brushed off and been a-ok in time to join the others to patrol.

Before you could respond, you heard Spike call out to you, and the ground swirled around your feet. the little green blades of grass dancing and coming closer before a sudden stop as Spike caught you just before you fully collapsed.

“I’m fine.” Wow, did your knees hurt.

“I may be old, but I’m not senile pet.” He raised an eyebrow at you, and you rolled your eyes in response.

“Ok, well, maybe I’m not fine. So what?” You stood up, pushing yourself off of him and brushing stray grass off of you.

“I was going to come tell you that I spotted some folks of the unsavoury sort near my crypt, but I think we should get you patched up first.”

“Sounds good, but before that, I think I should have a lie-down.”

“You humans and your tenacity to cause yourselves bodily harm will never cease to amaz—”

Your body went limp in his arms, or so you were told. All you remembered was the surroundings disappearing as you suddenly felt it was simply Too Much to deal with and passing out.

Coming to was… not the best you’ve ever felt. Your head swam, and the light felt like someone was rubbing your eyes harshly, as though they were trying to stop you from being able to see the person above your face.

“Giles? She’s waking up now.”

“Huh? Wha time’sit?” Whose bathroom are you in right now? Why does it smell so familiar?

“Shhh, you seem to have done a number on yourself. This next part won’t be pleasant. I’ve managed to do most of the patching up already, certainly nothing I couldn’t handle, but there seems to be one spot that is uh, well. We figured you might want to choose who did it. Within reason, of course.” The older man spoke, without the adrenaline in your system, the dull ache on your ribs, hands and legs blossomed into a throbbing pain, which only rose as you listened.

“Hurts, Giles.”

“I know, I'm uh, sorry about that. The sooner you pick the sooner I can give you a good painkiller, alright?”

Tears threatened to roll down your cheek. Great. What was supposed to be the first time on the job, and you manage to fall out of your own window so badly that your clothes are probably ruined and you don’t even remember if the baddies you were supposed to stake were dust or if the others were totally mad at you or something.

“So, who should I call for?” Giles prompted gently. You groaned as you shifted your weight before answering,

“Uh. Spike. Send in Spike.” Despite your better judgement, he was the one you were most comfortable around out of everyone, Giles was great and all but his sordid youth was a memory to him, Spike seemed to understand what being your version of outcast was like.

“Right. Very well then. Spike? If you're not still eavesdropping by the door, they’ve requested you.”

“I was not eavesdropping.” Spike muttered as he entered.

You propped yourself up on your elbows, head lolling slightly as you saw the bleached blond peer his head in the doorway.

“So, what needs to happen Giles?” You asked with false confidence.

“Well, You have to lift your shirt a considerable amount, hence the waiting for you to wake up and what not, then Spike will clean the wound, do any stitches if he has to, and help you bandage.”

“All that and you haven’t even bought me dinner first,” Spike tsked, “it’s unbecoming.”

Giles fixed an unamused expression to the vampire, “Do you want me here for this?” he added, his soft gaze focusing on you, despite Spike's teasing.

“Uh, no, thank you, Giles. Just uh, just Spike.”

“I’ll be just outside if you need me.”

You nodded feebly in response, watching as he exited, the door closing behind him with a soft click.

“Right. Well. Take your top off.”

“Giles said I would just need to lift it.”

“Giles lied.” Spike emphasised.

You leaned back on the cold floor for a moment, thinking as he hovered above you.

“Help me?” You slowly sat up, attempting not to jostle yourself and lifting your arms so the black fabric could be pulled over them. The air was cool on your exposed skin, and the sports bra you had bought so that fighting was more manageable pulled the skin around the wound painfully taut. You must have landed on a particularly pointy gnome or something for your side to be so… open. Or maybe the fence post?

Good thing you weren’t of the blood-sucking persuasion like the man before you otherwise, Poof.

The vamp nodded, “That will have to come off too, I think, love. It’s pulling the skin, and we don't want it to stuff any possible stitches, now do we?”

Nodding distractedly, your heart skipped a beat. Both at the thrill of being called love (and admittedly, of being naked in front of Spike) and also the whole being naked in front of Spike thing was daunting, and the situation wasn’t exactly what you’d imagined.

Teeth worrying your lip for a moment before you looked at him in silent question before once more lifting your arms, it was clear he understood your desire for help.

“Now I’m taking off your clothes? If I didn’t know any better, I would think this was all an elaborate plan to get me to touch you.” Spike removed his duster, which you knew was just so he didn’t get any blood or chemicals on it, but it was nice to imagine he was doing it in solidarity.

“Shut up, Spike. Just fix me up so we can go. Please.” You averted your eyes, face heating up as you crossed your arms over in your chest in an attempt for body heat and dignity.

Spike raised his palms in surrender. “You’re the one that picked me, Princess.”

You stood carefully, before moving so that you were sitting next to the sink and spike moved to in between your legs, the height difference making it as though you were straddling him. Spike lifted a wipe that you knew was going to sting the tender flesh on your side, but you would rather a short moment of ouchy rather than running the risk of an infection.

“C- can you talk? Please?”

Spike glanced up from where he was focusing before looking back down and touching the wipe to your skin gentler than you thought he was capable of.

“Mmm? What about?”

You gasped from the mix of the cold wetness and the feeling of the sterilisation working, “Uhm. You? Just, ow, fuck, careful with that— just talk about you?” You paused before smiling weakly. “You seem to be good at that.”

Spike glanced up at you once again, unimpressed.

“Well… I suppose I could tell you of before I was sired.”

“Gross.” You made a face.

“Not in that way, idiot.”

“I knowwww, it’s called a joke. You should try it sometime.”

Spike paused his scrutiny of your injury for a moment to roll his eyes.

“Maybe I won’t tell you then.”

He began to clean the area closer to the wound, removing the albeit small amount of blood that had dried along your side.

“No! I’ll be good, I promise.” Readjusting slightly to give him better access as a demonstration.

“Hm. Ok. Well, as much of a surprise as I'm certain it is, I wasn’t always such a hit with the ladies.”

You stifled a giggle.

“There was one girl I was really into. Back in my human days, I wrote her a poem.”

“Oh, Spike, how sweet!”

“Yeah, well, you’d be the first to think so. My alias back in the day was ‘William the Bloody’, which sounds somewhat prophetic, I suppose.”

“But it wasn’t meant to be, was it?” You ask, disheartened.

You knew the answer. It had haunted you on the rare nights when restlessness crept in.

“No. It wasn’t.” He responded quietly. The sanitisation was done, and after deciding stitches probably weren’t necessary, he began preparing the dressing.

A solemn silence hung around the both of you, making the desire to fidget in discomfort increasingly strong.

“Spike?”

“Mm?”

“Can I be honest?”

The vamp stilled, looking up.

“I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to.”

“I… thought what you wrote for her was nice.”

“Oh? And how would you know what I wrote for her?”

Your eyes widened as you averted your eyes, warm cheeks sure to be obvious to the man who could probably hear your heart stuttering.

“I may have.” You glanced at him, bracing yourself against the cold surface you sat on. You couldn’t meet his eyes for more than a few seconds as you realised what you were about to reveal.

“I may have done some research. On you.”

Spike crooned, “Now, I stopped trying to kill the slayer a decent while before you came along. Why on earth did you do your homework?”

You still weren’t looking at him, and he gently pushed your jaw so that your eyes stared into his own.

“Come on, pet, you wanted to be honest.”

“I have all this time on my hands, so I… reviewed their old notes. And you're just… interesting.”

“Interesting? Hm? And this has nothing to do with the way your heart quickens and your blood thrums when you notice me, does it?”

Well, that confirms that. WHAT? Wait, where did that come from? Hello? HE DOESN’T KNOW, DOES HE? Is… was that real? Is this some gnome-induced blood loss or delirium? DOES HE KNOW WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT?

“What are you talking about?” You hesitate to ask.

“Oh, surely you knew I could tell?” He was teasing you again. He had to be.

“Tell… what?”

“Don’t act obtuse. I’m a vampire. I can tell when a heartbeat changes and most other things involving blood. It’s kind of what we do. But you already know that.” Spike’s face was nearly stern looking, but you could tell from the way his eyes were fixed upon your face it was a mask for his curiousity, and possibly something else.

Sighing, defeated, you at him and begin to explain.

“I— ok. Yes. It had— has something to do with that. Ok? You’re right. I wanted to know more about you, but it’s not like you have a police record that counts, anyway. Except maybe a deranged missing persons list.” You paused, catching a breath and correcting your line of thought. “I don’t know… I just. I wanted to know what you were like when you were human.”

He let you stew in your thoughts for a moment as he dressed the wound, pressing the material down softly, which caused you to let out a quiet hiss.

“And were you surprised? That the man you see today was once so… pathetic.”

Your eyes snapped back to his, gaze intense.

“William Pratt was not pathetic.” You were surprised to see shock colour his features, this was evidently not what he was used to hearing.

Had no one told him that he wasn’t an unwilling outcast in all his long years of life? Surely, at least Drusilla had let him know he was wanted in a way that wasn’t asking him to do things? Beyond… manipulating him in return.

“He was… naive and kind-hearted, and he wasn’t ashamed of it. At least not initially. And I think that’s brave, to share your affections so publicly, even though she rejected you. She didn’t deserve you. So no. I don’t think ‘William the bloody’ was pathetic, or a lonely loser, or any of that, and neither are you, Spike.”

The vamp was quiet, still processing your sudden liveliness and what you had revealed.

“You better believe it, Spike. I may have terrible common sense when it comes to self-preservation. At least in this instance. But I have pretty high standards for myself.”

“I never finished that poem. How did you find it?”

Oh. well, that was harder to explain. And you grew more awkward despite all that you had been previously vulnerable about.

“There are excerpts in the Watcher bo–”

“Lie.”

You rolled your eyes. “You aren’t the only one with… sticky fingers.”

Spike blinked before a mischievous grin crept upon his face.

“You stole it. From me?”

Cautiously, you nodded, uncertain if this mischief was going to be at your expense;

“You're the one who kept it.” You added defensively.

“My, what a strange one you are, pet. You can’t even successfully exit a window without needing to be patched up, and somehow, you manage to steal from a vampire? I’m almost proud. If you hadn’t stolen from me, maybe I would be.”

“Listen, Spike, uh. I’ll explain my grand heist the second I have some clothes on, ok. I need to move.”

Spike looked at you cheekily. “And what if I wanted to keep you like this? I rather fancy the view.”

You squeaked in response, face undoubtedly growing redder by the second as the man laughed at you.

“I’m only playing, about the keeping you this way bit, at least.”

“Spike!”

He tossed a smirk your way and then wordlessly looked down at the clothes you had been wearing. “Ah.”

Your sports crop? Pretty much fine, but you would rather be comfortable right now, so that wasn’t exactly an option. The shirt you had elected to wear was ruined, the fabric torn and with a patch of dried blood where that stupid statue elected to attack you.

He picked up the article of clothing and offered it to you with a raised brow. You didn’t want to wear it, but it wasn’t like you had any other options right now. Sensing your hesitation, Spike put it next to you rather than in the hand that was reaching for it.

“I’m about to make your night, poppet.”

“Huh?”

Spike ignored your question, electing to begin pulling off the black tee he was wearing instead.

“You ass.” you grumble, accepting the shirt and putting it on as you ignore your face heating up.

The fabric was soft in a way that can only be achieved by being worn in. Who knew how long he had had this shirt in particular, though.

You looked up from fiddling with the hem. The threads were loosening there, and saw hunger in Spike’s eyes. Typically, hunger would be concerning, considering you could be his next meal after all, but this hunger was… different. It was flattering, even,

“Spike?”

The man blinked and made an aborted shake of the head, clearing away the thoughts that evidently lingered. Covering this behaviour with his signature sly grin, he boxed you in between his arms, and if Giles were to walk in at this moment, he would view it as strikingly indecent.

“Nothing, love, just like seeing you in my clothes does something to a man.” He tilted his head to the side, examining you as you realised just how close you were to his now semi-nude frame.

You made sure to not be caught lingering on his torso despite him having confirmation that you liked him. Spike licked his lips, eyes glittering with mirth.

He leaned forward, and you sucked in a breath, your own eyes widening slightly in anticipation, and you watched his mouth twitch upwards.

He leaned closer, eyes boring into yours,

“You know… if I were alive, I’m sure we would share symptoms.”

“Pardon?”

His lips twitched again. He was trying not to grin. Spike was definitely enjoying playing with your mind but trying to keep it serious.

“I find you interesting too.” he parroted your words back, but you were still loading this information, he. He. Spike? He liked you, too? Oh good. Good. WHAT? Yes, that’s excellent. That really works out nicely for you. I'm sorry he what, now? He does what?

“Just to uh, double back.”

“Mmm?” he glanced at the door, listening to the others outside.

“You mean you like me, right? Like. Like like?”

The vamp looked back at you tiredly.

“Yes, pet. I like like you.” he hesitated momentarily, glancing at the door once more, before kissing your cheek and laughing breathlessly at your tiny squeak.

Spike withdrew, beginning to look around at what had to be cleaned up.

As Giles returned, your fingers grazed his cheek where he had just kissed you.

“Is everything alright, in there? I thought I heard somet—”

Giles frowned, blinking twice and looking between you and Spike.

“Spike, where’s your shirt?”

Spike waved a hand in your direction, picking up your tops and presenting them to the man, plainly answering, “Theirs was bad.”

[newkatzkafe2023]

Hey have you ever heard of Courtnapping among demons? Basically when a demon really likes someone, they make their home as welcoming and comfortable as possible as well as have enough to provide their potential mate with anything and everything they need, so let's say the Monkeys are having a stroll one day when suddenly they're picked up by a female monkey who's larger than them and taken to a very large but very homey cave. This cave has food, drink, clothing, weapons anything they would want or need. While the monkeys were impressed, they decided to ask why they're here, she looked into their eyes and said, "I've kidnapped you, so you're my mate now."

I HEARD OF COURTNAPPING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 and I think we can do something better the a cave😉😉😉😉

(Lmk Wukong) Honestly you're not the first demon to try and courtnap him, but you are the first to succeed though🤣. Wukong was always able to slip away from anyone trying to get him, ever since he became the great sage equal to heaven people and demons of all kinds wanted a piece of him. Now for the first to succeed part well he was taking a nice long he was then bought to a incredibly luxurious Mansion and saw food, drinks, weapons, cozy and warm blankets with a giant Flat screen TV. Wukong was shocked by how privileged he feels and finally saw you come in with hot chocolate, he asked you why did you kidnapped him you then told him that you took him to be your mate. Wukong was Blushing and totally caught off guard by your Purposal, well at least your adorable.

(MKR Wukong) Ok he is just trying to wrap his head around the situation he's in, one moment he was patrolling the camp protecting his master. The next moment he was thrown over the shoulder of a tall, large female monkey who was heading for this massive fancy Mansion. Wukong was bamboozled by your surprisenly fancy mountain home and had all the stuff he could ask for in it. The house food, drinks, weapons and other cool treasures and items and Wukong was admittedly impressed by the display. He had to snap out of it and he demanded to know why you had kidnapped him and why did you bring him to your house. After a while you finally answered stating your name and the reason why you kidnapped him is being you wanted him as a mate. With this info Wukong had put two and two together before his face became red with embarrassment, and he felt something else. He got courtnap..HIS ASS GOT COURTNAP, and for some god Forsaking reason, he is not angry at all as he was hugged and kissed by you.

(HIB Wukong) He definitely put up a good fight at first, so you had to use a slightly drastic measure, but nobody was hurt. Now he was bound and gagged as he was carried to your home in another mountain. It was filled with treasure, food, drinks, weapons, and Apparently baby clothes, toys and medical supplies, and more. Wukong was admittedly impressed, but he had to get back to Luier and Silly girl and with that Wukong had asked you what you wanted and why you kidnapped him for. You then said that you successfully got him so he's officially your mate now, ohhhhhhhhhh the look on his face was priceless as he sat there blushing and shocked at your words. You are admittedly attractive and clearly interested in him to the point you had went and courtnap him, Wukong could never recover from this.

(NR Wukong) Ok, you'll need patience, careful planning, and a lot of booze in order to catch this guy because catching a butterfly is way easier than catching him. What you did catch him with was deep fried fish you made, and he was busy eating that as you carry him back to your home. When Wukong was done eating, he looked around your surprisingly fancy house and found it impressive even with all the stuff he saw with the food, drinks, weapons, and more things he's never seen before. Wukong was impressed, and when you came along, he asked why you bought him here, and you told him that you courtnapped him, so he's your mate now. Wukong brain was buffering excessively, so he was kidnapped by a hot lady who was very interested in him. You know you could have just asked him right??

(Netflix Wukong) He's freaking out a like alot he has no idea how to handle this situation at all. Wukong was coming home to Lin's house after fighting a bunch of demons when suddenly he found himself, Tackled, Tied up and carried over the shoulder of a tall monkey woman AKA YOU!!!! He rightfully panic as he's never expected something like this to happen to him. Later on, he was put in a cozy house with food, drinks, weapons, cozy pillows and blankets, and a bunch of other awesome stuff. Wukong was soon given peach tea from you, and he took this time to Interrogate, you on, what's going on?Why did you kidnap him and what your intentions are??? You laughed as you told him your name and said that since you successfully courtnap him that he's your mate now🥰🥰🥰. Now Wukong heard of courtnapping but never thought it would ever happen to him and by a Gorgeous monkey woman at that. He's not sure if he should be fortunate or not, but at least he took this chance to brag about himself to you.

(BMW Wukong) How is this even happening right now like seriously, he's at a lost at this. Let me explain Wukong was just being himself looking for enemies and adventure or looking to cause trouble, when he spotted something in the distance a tall female monkey which was you. Wukong demanded that you state your business as he was cautious incase you want to try something, but the next thing he knew he was being bound and gagged by the same female monkey who was now carrying him away. Wukong was then bought to a Huge bur comfortable looking house, where it was full of treasures he had never seen before along with food, drinks and other cozy comfort items. Wukong was admittedly impressed by everything but still wanted an explanation on why he was kidnapped, and well you told him😏. After given the explanation of your introduction and intentions He found himself in a state of shock at you calling him your mate, meaning he just got courtnap by this powerful Strategic Attractive devil monkey woman got him off guard. You sexy little Theif😍😲

(Destined One) He's confused at best because he appears to be being kidnapped by a taller than him female monkey. Now the shenanigans continue as you bought him back to your home that what a big cottage in a quiet and peaceful looking forest. The Destined one already like your house and it gets better on the inside it has everything he can ask for, their was his favorite food, drinks, awesome weapons and cool treasures that were never seen by him ever. Their was ever a cozy soft heavy slightly heated blanket just for him to snuggle and nap in. The Destined one was very impressed by the place he was bought too, and before he could almost fall asleep on your couch, you came in introducing yourself and openly called him your new mate. The Destined one instantly knew what happened, and considering you went on, you went out of your way to provide a good, safe, comfortable place for him. Also, you were adorable and attractive looking and clearly strong if you could haul him around with absolutely no trouble, and that's secretly sexy to him.

Feel Free to Reblog🔔💒💍👰‍♀🤵‍♂️

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

What would the stardew valley villagers think if one day their good pal farmer just casually dropped the fact they used to be into something crazy, like an illegal fighting ring. "Yeah I hiked out to an abandoned building at the outskirts of the city every Friday to fistfight people in the basement. It paid 10 times better then my shitty office job ever did but only when I won. There were some real actual martial artists in that ring too, even broke 2 of my fingers punching 1 guy, I miss hanging out with those dudes. Fighting actually relived a lot of stress for me, I didn't quit because I got hurt or anything I quit because my neighbors/coworkers wouldnt stop fussing over me when they saw me after I got hurt in a match. There's no acceptable way to explain how you get a black eye at the end of every week that doesn't raise alarm or get the cops called on someone. I'd probably get back into it if it didn't take a bus ride into the city to get to. I'm not even sure if the 1 i used to go to us still there, i might be able to find one of the other fighters and ask but its not guaranteed any if the other fighters i used to hang out with are all even still in that city"

"Wtf," said all the residents at the same time.

That's it, that's a headcanon. Thanks for the ask! ❤️

Alright, I'm kidding, but the way you wrote that ask, dear anon, is pretty funny heh 😁 Thanks a lot for the question, by the way! Enjoy 💖

_________________________________________

SDV villagers react to Farmer who told them about their illegal fights in past:

"Sir/Ma'am/Mx., this is Wendy's Pierre's." With all due respect to Pierre's best customer, why is Farmer telling him all this behind the counter of his store? Here's your seeds, fertilizer and saplings and goodbye. He has to work and he doesn't care about their- Wait, hold on, don't you dare tell that to his daughter-!

But Pierre was too late with his warnings: Abigail was standing nearby and had heard everything Farmer had said. The amethyst lover looked at them adoringly, because holy shit, underground fights in the city.... Farmer is so cool and badass in her eyes! Naturally, she wants to hear their stories of illegal fights (only when her parents aren't around).

Caroline called out to Abigail "on some very urgent business, quick!", bestowing Farmer with a shocked and concerned look. Seriously, she looked at them as if Farmer had just confessed to murder or something. Now she didn't really want her daughter hanging out with them, afraid that Abby would pick up the crazy idea to join the fights too.

Oh... Yeah, Elliott's friend has, uh... quite an interesting past. And what surprises the writer most is not even Farmer's underground battles themselves, but the fact of how they drastically change the trajectory of their lives and yet adapt to the environment with ease. From an office worker to a no-holds-barred fighter, and now a farmer. Well, if they want to write a biography, this would definitely be fun to read.

"Uh, what?" What did Farmer just tell Leah? The artist had listened to her dear friend's story about growing a giant pumpkin while she was finishing a new painting, and now how they were discussing Farmer's criminal past. Uh, cool and all, but maybe they'd better change the subject? Can they go back to telling stories about pumpkins?

"Ha ha ha how interesting, thanks for sharing!" Although Penny stood like a statue, motionless, her body slowly moved away from Farmer, who had just answered the teacher's question about their hobby in general. This was something she was definitely not prepared for, and, with a nervous smile, ended the conversation. How Penny moved without moving even a finger of her hand was a mystery.

*Shane put his can of beer away* Ok first of all, what the fuck. Second of all, he didn't really give a damn that Farmer was running around in dodgy places and fighting over money in Zuzu City, to be completely honest. Especially since the chicken man himself had done some crazy shit in his youth, not his place to judge or something. And last of all, what the fuck.

*Sob* "A- Aunt Marnie... Uncle Shane..." "Mommy! Sam!" "Uncle Linus!" Oops.... Apparently telling Jas, Vincent and Leo about 'the hobby' with detailed descriptions of violence wasn't Farmer's smartest idea (seriously, what did they even expect?). The kids have tears on their cheeks and their parents/guardians give Farmer a not-so-kind look. Now the delinquent farmer need lots of ice cream and mangoes so the local kids will forgive them.

Oh, so that's why Emily senses such an unusual aura around Farmer. Hmm? Ah, no, she just thinking out loud. Emily gets a little upset by such detailed descriptions of fights (she can't stand violence), so she politely asks Farmer to omit the details of their fights. An unconventional choice to 'relax', but it's not her place to judge people. And Farmer found some good friends there, so that's great!

Huh, now Marlon and Gil know where their new Guild member got their fighting skills from the very beginning of their arrival in the Valley. Fighting ring, eh? Marlon had dabbled a bit in all sorts of battles and fights for money too when he was Farmer's age - pretty good income, booze and friends. Though then he quickly gave it up as he found his purpose as adventurer and devoted himself to defending the Stardew Valley from monsters. Gil was the same, but he had been practicing his "hobby" a little longer than his one-eyed colleague.

Oh, goodness! So much violence and blood in Farmer's stories. Pity poor Evelyn's old heart, she can't listen to such cruel battles. So Farmer better stop talking and silently accept cookies and tea from sweet grandma and tell about their work on the farm.

Hmph! 'Underground battles', what a nonsense! Today's youth go to some abandoned buildings, fight, break laws and feel cool. If George wasn't confined to that damn wheelchair, he'd take Farmer down in one moment. And anyway, Farmer should stop this talking about their fighting, because George's wife doesn't like to talk about violence at the kitchen table.

"Tough fella, huh?" Alex regarded his friend Farmer for about half a minute. Really quite a formidable opponent if the athlete were to ask Farmer to fistfight in a friendly sparring. Though he's most interested in Farmer's diet and routine, since even before their farming career started, they look very healthy ("just don't suggest anything illegal, got it?").

*Sigh* The Wizard already knows. All. That. Farmer, how many times does he have to tell you he knows about your past? He's a wizard. A wizard. Someone who can see the future of others in a crystal ball and such. So unless Farmer brought him purple mushrooms or void essence, please don't distract Rasmodius with their stories, he has potions to brew.

"No freaking way, dude!" "Yes freaking way, Sam." The guitarist nearly fell off his chair when Farmer told him how they used to fight all sorts of big guys in the city in addition to their clerk jobs. Mega cool and hardcore! Sam will of course listen to more stories from his friend, but one moment, just let him close his room door so his mom or dad doesn't accidentally hear them.

Though Jodi doesn't particularly need to hear it from her oldest son's room - Caroline has already shared gossip and warnings with her during their weekly aerobics class. Which makes Jodi wary now, though she won't say her worries out loud. She won't treat Farmer any worse, they're good neighbors after all, she's just... worried about her sons, alright?

"Farmer, a word." Huh, they wonder what Kent needed from the Farmer. "I'll be honest: I don't know what your reasons were for your illegal fighting, it's none of my business and it's not for me to judge you. But don't suggest anything like that to Sam and Vincent, got it?" The veteran doesn't really care about Farmer's past, he just worried about his sons. Well, his kids are smart and won't get involved in anything illegal but just in case. Nothing personal.

That explains to Harvey how there are so many scars on Farmer's body. Quite a large number for someone as young as them. So how long had they been participating in these questionable activities? A month? Over a year? Some of the scars have long since healed. Wait, you know what - no need to tell him this further, because the first stories with such violence already made the doctor feel sick to his stomach.

"Uhhh..." Maru is shocked. "Goddess, did you really get paid so poorly in Joja that you had to do this as well to earn your bread?" Pretty shocking detail about Farmer, but hey, at least they made friends with many people back then, that's a good thing, yeah? Honestly, the inventor doesn't know how she should respond to that or what to say.

Ok, too much information for Gus... People are different, it's just that the owner of the Saloon doesn't understand how Farmer can talk about it so calmly and openly. He'd still understand if the Farmer told him about their illegal fights after a glass or two of strong wine/el, but they told him sober. They would, this, be careful who they told it to.

Sebastian took the cigarette out of his mouth and uttered a delighted 'wow...'. So, a job at a soul-sucking corporation during the day and bare-knuckle fighting at night? Damn, crazy lifestyle. But why didn't Farmer quit their job at Joja then? And why did they quit everything and become farmer now? Sebby's in no hurry to go home and if Farmer has some free time, maybe they'll tell the local emo about their fights in Zuzu City.

Haley sighs tiredly. Yoba, why does she have to be surrounded by weirdos? The guy who always wears black, her own sister's so weird with her crystals and aura nonsense. And now this new farmer is telling her wild facts about their life... It's so unfair!

"Aye," was the only thing Willy replied before taking up his smoking pipe again with his teeth. Not that thel old fisherman didn't care what Farmer was saying, but first of all, it would be better for both of them to sit in silence so as not to scare the fish away right now, and secondly, Farmer should not tell every person they met about their illegal hobbies. Other people might misunderstand them, or even use this information to blackmail them.

"What the fuck are you yapping about, kid?" Pam only partially heard their story, as the alcohol in her body already makes her feel very sleepy. Then there's this weird shit from Farmer. But also... if Farmer would now set another mug of beer for her, them she would listen to them, their every crazy story. With her eyes closed.

As soon as Demetrius hears exactly what Farmer told Maru, his wife Robin has to keep her hyper-parenting husband from taking drastic actions he might regret. So while he's sulking in the lab and glaring at his daughter and her friend, Robin gently explains to Farmer that this kind of talk about their illegal hobby isn't to everyone's liking, and if you can, don't mention it in front of her hubby and kids, okay? Especially such a detailed description of broken limbs (the picture comes to mind is unpleasant, to say at least). No offense.

What?! Illegal fights?! And Farmer's telling Lewis this as a reason to be proud?! They should be ashamed of themself! Doing... stuff like that. And what would their grandfather say if he knew their grandchild had such a secret? "I don't know, Lewis, what grandpa would say to your secret-" !!! Get out of his house! Hmph, the youth these days...

With each sentence, with each detail in Farmer's story, Marnie's face grew paler and paler. Her imagination was building such shock content over Farmer's story that the rancher asked them to stop. They had a hobby that helped them relax and earn money for living before moving here, that's a good thing. She doesn't need any more details.

"... Look, are you going to buy seeds or not?" Time is money, and Morris doesn't like to waste time listening to all these customer stories. Nor should Farmer tell the Joja general manager at all that they've been involved in some not-so-legal flights. Because Morris was advertising coupons in someone else's store without remorse, so what's to stop him from using that information to blackmail Farmer for the benefit of the mega corporation he's working.

".......Uh-huh." On the one hand, Clint had been stuck with the forge all day, and wouldn't mind chatting with Farmer, a friend and regular customer. On the other hand... What? Okay, he didn't care what they'd done in the past. One topic did interest him though. "You were already popular back then and you must have had a crowd of fans, right? Tell me, do 'wrestlers' like that attract women?" He wasn't desperate enough to get into illegal fighting too, but it was still interesting to hear what they'd say about it.

[elise-the-blind]

So I’ve seen some artists show their idea of the next generation of Jak and Daxter aka the future kids Jak and his friends might have. Have you ever had thought about or drawn Jak and Keira kid and Tess x Dax kid?

ok, imma gonna have to admit something since this isn't the first times I've been asked this, but I actually have never made or had much interest in making fankids. I honestly dont know why I lack this brain chemical, with the amount of headcannons I come up with this should be right up my alley, but no.

But whatever, I'll think up as much as I can for this, just know that for my AU, its very unlikely these characters will be a part of any of it.

Damascus (son of Jak and Keira)

Named after Damas (because I think its funny). Grew up copying his dads constant scowl, but has never had an angry thought in his life. Took up his mums love of gadgets, focusing on precursor tech and will sneak around the monk temple for info (the monks are aware of this but dont mind, alittle confused on why he insists on sneaking in). Even though not mute he's still the least likely to speak out of all four. Was told a story about lurker sharks (probably told by Daxter) and now has a fear of the ocean.

Jak is very, VERY careful with what stories he tells his son and what lessons he might take from them and gives evil eyes to anyone who tries suggesting Damascus does the same hero stuff Jak did as a kid. Bro knows how badly all of that can go and does not want any of that for his son. A result of that is Damascus doesn't have a lot of experience with eco, only what he knows from Keira's family (green eco for first aid). He's only heard about light eco from the monks and he DEFINITELY doesn't know nadda about using dark eco. Damascus has only rarely seen the dark Jak, and always when he's in danger, so thinks of it just as "man my dad is so cool he can kick the butt of anyone that messes with me".

Has any of Jak's dark eco been passed on to Damascus? Something to ponder, I'm sure it wont affect him too badly.

The Triplets (Tess and Daxter's kids)

Cally (bow), Cash (piercings), Cade (gloves): They're the offspring of a sarcastic ego-filled furball and a gun manic bossbitch, you think any of them would be normal? no. All three are all different levels of shitshow, and are determined to make that everyone else's problem.

Cade is the honorary 'nerd' of the family, fixated on studying precursors and the worlds inner workings. Had an existential crisis at age 6 after thinking about whether or not they had any sort of human DNA from both their parents not being born an ottsel. He always follows Damascus around when he's snooping, making their own sworn oath of secrecy. Cade will sometimes ask his dad about dark eco which all of the time loops to "shit stings, stay out of it son." Once asked uncle Jak, got shut down real fast (bro you're giving your uncle Gol and Maia flashbacks pls stop he's too old for this).

Cash took the love of demolition from Tess and spends alot of time hanging around uncle Torn and aunt Ashelin learning about military mechanics and tactics used by the guard. She gets super hyped when hearing battle stories and sometimes pesters Damascus about anything his pa might have told him about metalheads. Because of the closeness Cash has with the leaders of Haven, she's one of the only kids that know in more detail about Jak's dark side and see's her uncle as a much more intimidating figure. She doesn't plan on telling Cade any of that despite his studies, she's alittle worried he'll get himself into trouble.

Cally got all the showboat center stage child energy from her dad, serving as the distraction for when the trio are doing crimes. Cally acts alot like 'Precursor Legacy' Daxter, always talking, always going for everyone's attention. Alot of that's an act of course, and Cally is often stuck running around making sure her siblings aren't caught in any mess or that the blame of any damage is shifted from them to someone else/her. Cally makes sure to involve Damascus in the chaos the three get into occasionally, even if he doesn't act interested. She once tired racing with Keira for the sake of fame, and while racing was dropped because of a fear of crashing, Cally is very skilled with vehicles and can speed across the city if she ever needs to get anywhere. She knows all secret paths in Haven and Spargus, if you're a target you will never get away, she will catch you.

Everyone takes part in keeping an eye on all of them (especially the triplets) but Sig makes sure that Damascus gets home safe each night, wouldn't want the past to repeat itself would we.

Pretty sure that's all I got. Maybe I'll do more with these guys if there's enough interest. Otherwise I'm back to comic stuff.

[cup1dt3a]

Do you still accept requests?

How would it be if the human reader has a little brother or sister who watches Wally's show, and well the reader like a good big brother the reader takes care of them and watches along with them, well what if Yandere wally falls in love with the reader, what would happen?

Tysm for the request this is the first one I’ve ever had for a story! And ofc! My request are always open unless stated otherwise. Also I mainly just do gender neutral!readers so the reader will be gender neutral!

” It’s starting! It’s starting! It’s starting! Come on you slow poke!”

“ Ow! Ok ok! Geez how you so strong for a seven year old?”

You muttered as your younger sister tugged you towards the Tv. Eyes gleaming with pure enchantment as the cheesy theme song of the puppet show they loved to watch. You being the good older sibling you were would watch it with them since your parents were too busy most of the time to watch the show with her.

“ Eeeeee! Look it’s Wally!” You cheered as the colorful puppet appeared on the screen.

“ Yup they’re your favorite huh?” You asked them with a chuckle to how excited they got.

“ Of course they paint very well and they look so cool!” They exclaimed while the puppets talked away.

As the show went on you just watched away with your little sibling. Sure it was just another little kids show but you had to admit the character designs were just so well done and amazing.

“Now what should I paint today?” Wally asked on the big screen looking towards the audience.

“ A rainbow rose!” They jumped.

“ A DANCING BLUE FLAMINGO!” You shouted just to mess with them seeing them angrily huff.

“ As if he’d paint that. Wally is so much more mature than that!” They crossed their arms as you giggled.

“ What an excellent decision! A dancing blue flamingo!” He cheered.

Your sibling ate their words with a pitiful glare as they looked up at you sticking your tongue out at them. You both watched the episode making a few jokes here and there to upset them. It was all fun in games for you two. It’s not really like your parents were ever around either. Sure it sucked but at least you weren’t alone as much as you wished but fuck it they’re fun to be around so why not.

You had put your little sister to bed a while ago. At least 2 hours ago and decided it was time to check on them due to their nightmares they have. As you went to their room you had heart their voice outside the room along with another’s voice it sounded familiar but you knew it wasn’t one of your parents. As you hurriedly walked over to where you heard the voices your heart beat fast. Rushing as faster than you ran to check on who the hell was talking to your seven year old sister.

“ Yeah! _____ loves that too!” You happily said as you turned to corner in a panic.

“ Mhm! You’re so helpful little one but I think it’s off to bed with you now. Go on sweet dreams little dreamer.” Wally said on the big screen with a smile and tilt to his head.

“ Oh geez. What are you doing up watching TV?” You sighed in relief.

“ Wally wanted to talk with me. And I didn’t want to be rude!” They replied looking up at you while you took them to bed holding their small hand.

“ Ok but next time Wally wants to “talk” with you tell him ____ said no.” You told them playing into their little fantasy.

“ Fine…Can you watch Welcome Home with me tomorrow still?” They sad with puppy dog eyes.

“ Yes yes. How about after work we go have a little sleep over in my room sound good?” You asked as they nodded with excitement.

As you went back into the living room you had noticed the TV was still on with Wally staring at you. Well it looked that way but as he silently stared you hadn’t noticed how much larger his smile got before you shut it off with a big yawn.

You had been having to take your younger sibling to work with you. It’s not like you wanted to but it’s not like you had a choice either. Because your parents were never home and your sister was to you get to be alone either way. Plus your boss was ok with it since they would bring their own kid to work. They would play together with each other a lot and we’re friends so it was a win win either way.

“ You having fun with charley?” You asked as they nodded playing with the other’s action figures.

It was getting late so you had to remind them to start wrapping things up. They sadly agreed upset it was the end of your shift before they remembered about your sleep over with them. They had said their goodbyes and hugged any other friends they had before you had left. They had skipped as they held your hand back to the apartment. You then came upon a display case of old TV’s they all displayed Wally.

“ Look! Loook! It’s Wally he’s waving at us! Hiiii Wally!” They jumped with glee waving at the puppet on screen.

Indulging your younger sister you also waved greeting the puppet before walking away with your younger sibling. Not noticing the out of order signs or the way the puppet had followed you both with its head.

” Sleep Over! Sleep Over! SLEEP OVER!” They chanted as you popped the popcorn and got a few apples for them too.

You both went back to your room rolling your eyes as they dashed over towards your room. You also has a TV in there to watch your own shows other than Welcome Home. Such as more horror shows and adult shows because you didn’t want to accidentally influence them with inappropriate things or have to answer the embarrassing questions of theirs.

“ So let me guess Welcome Home?” You guessed without a doubt as they exclaimed a gleeful yes.

You then set the Tv up to play the show as they started to munch on some popcorn. She then started to try and aim it at your mouth every time missing but you still encouraged them to keep trying until one lucky shot they finally got it in your mouth.

“ Wooo! I did it!” The cheered bounced up and down.

“ Good job little dreamer!” Wally clapped on point as if he was congratulating your sister with you.

“ Thanks Wally it was so cool right?” They asked expecting an answer.

“Oh why it was very cool! You think you can do it again?” He asked with a tilt to his head.

You sat there in concern as the two talked observing as they spoke to each other.

“ How are you doing that?” You asked them with a slight shake to your voice.

“ Doing what…Omg you’re so dumb just talk to him like any other person ____! ____ can be so dumb sometimes right Wally?” They asked looking over to the puppet.

“ Now that wasn’t nice? You should apologize to ____ they must feel very sad now.” He told the small child.

They hurriedly apologize just as the puppet asked. He was a puppet. He couldn’t have known your name. Your little sister isn’t smart enough to even think of a prank like this. They’ve been doing this. This has been going on for weeks! Finding them in front of the TV talking to the puppet with glee.

“ ____? You ok?” She asked you tugging on your sleeve with concern for your silence.

“ Yes, Yes I’m fine…So wally how long have you two been talking.” You asked in disbelief still pale.

“ I think the second day you both watched the show! You’re such a good sibling always going on with the little dreamers antics you almost make me envy you with how cute of a sister you have.” They replied.

That’s not part of any script. This wasn’t normal!

“ Yeah! Wally would ask me to go and talk to him about you!” they said with a smile on your face while yours remained pale.

“ Yes I couldn’t help myself and they always sneaked up late at night for a snack and mischievous little thing they are started to just talk to me. I couldn’t help but ask about you. Always so hard working and kind to the little one.” You dreamily sighed.

“ Uh huh.” You said.

You felt sick. How could you not have noticed this!? How did you let this slide for months? Are you that neglectful? God you’re almost as bad as your parents! Your little sibling has been talking with some puppet who sounds obsessed with you as they go on and on about how perfect you are. You had noticed your sister start to yawn cuddling up on the bed. You took her to her room as soon as she passed out wanting to have your own conversation with the puppet. As you came back there he stood int the dark screen with that sinister smile peering into your soul.

“ What exactly have you been asking of my little sister?” You asked him with a slight grit to your teeth.

“ Just about you. Your likes, interests, hobbies, insecurities…. Everything about you really!” He stated.

“ Why though?” You asked feeling insane for doing this.

“ Because you’re all I can think about. All I ever dream about! All I ever want. Just look at yourself. So perfect so free like a song bird.” He sighed looking as if he was drooling.

“ You’re just so perfect. I love and want everything to do with….Why are you trying to turn the TV off?” He pouted with a tilt as you tried to turn your Tv off.

“ No No! My sweet dreamer you’re finally acknowledging me! I won’t let you stop now! We’ll be together forever! Just me you and your sister!” He gasped getting closer to the Tv.

“ YOU CANT LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU! I LIVE FOR YOU! I BREATHE FOR YOU! YOU CANT LEAVE ME NOT AGAIN!” He cried out smooshing his face to the TV.

The screen then constantly displayed love me on it over and over again while the puppets eyes shook. “ Please love me! I need you!!I promise I won’t harm them at all just please keep listening to me! I need you!” He yelled banging onto the screen.

You had no idea what to do or to listen to him as he constantly cried out of any ounce of your attention. Almost like a touch starved animal.

“You…promise?” You asked as he nodded smile growling bigger by the second. What have you done?

Tysm again for the request they are open! Hope you’re all having a good day/night or that it gets better!

Part 2 ( Enjoy<333)

Sincerely- Cup1dT3A💌

[peaxhygirl]

𝙰𝚁𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾 𝙰𝚁𝙴𝚃𝙰𝚂 𝚇 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙴𝚁 - 𝙼𝙰𝙼𝙰 𝙸'𝙼 𝙸𝙽 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙰 𝙲𝚁𝙸𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙰𝙻

: ̗̀➛𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝙱𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚏𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝙾𝙲

: ̗̀➛𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: Inspired by Britney Spears x Criminal

: ̗̀➛𝙰𝙽: This is done in a universe where Armando is a teenager, the female reader is also a teenager. There is no adult/minor play in the passage and I do not write that.

Sixteen-year-old Yara was a good girl, never broke the rules, never back talked her parents, and was a straight A student. President of the Debate team, captain of the cheer team, and on student counsel, she was every parent's wet dream. That was until she met Seventeen-year-old Armando Aretas. A guy she kept away from to the best of her ability, but he always seemed to be around. Now, he was in her veins and well, it caused for a rather contentious environment in her home.

"Yara, have you still been seeing that boy?" The booming voice of her father cut through the silence of her room right along with the slamming open of her bedroom door. Grateful that she'd even gotten her door back after having it taken away for a month, she decided to play it cool. "No." Her eyes remaining trained to her phone screen, voice monotone and lacking it's usual emotion. "Well then why the hell is he outside my house?"

Yara's deep black curls bounced as her head swung towards her window. Her body basically moved on autopilot as she went over to her bedroom window. Her heart thumbed so intensely that she felt it in her throat, her ears rung, and her body trembled a bit as she stared at him out the window. There he was, stationed on his shiny black motorcycle that she was still somewhat terrified of. Even in the dark of the night it still shined. He removed his helmet, their eyes locked and it hit her that she'd given up probably the most intense love she'd experience all because her parent didn't like him.

All because of who his family was. The Aretas' weren't known for being the most law abiding, safe and friendly people. They had a strong hold on the drug market in Mexico and it was well known that they didn't care who knew this about them. They operated off the fear that forced people to respect them. Something thar kept her away, but God he pulled her in.

"Yara, don't even think about it." Her father was firm as she spun around. Her brown eyes darted across the room, looking for the best way to get out. "Young lady, you will not be associated with that criminal!" "God, will you just shut up! I stayed away from him; I did what you said. I let him go for you and look how you're treating me!"

For the moment, her father froze in pure shock. It was the first time he'd ever even heard her raise her voice, let alone at him. What kind of influence was this boy having on his perfect daughter. He didn't have much longer to think, because Yara went bolting out her bedroom door heading for the steps.

On the way down, Yara caught a glimpse of her mother, a look of worry and dismay present on the face idetical to her own.

"Yara, honey. Please, this isn't you. It's him its-- that influence." She pleaded running down the steps behind her daughter. This caused Yara to roar in frustration.

"It's not him!! It's you. You guys want me to be this perfect kid that I'm not! I have issues just like everyone else, but you guys don't even give me the space to express them and learn-- I don't have the space to be myself. With him..I do." The knot that formed in her throat was filled with the frustration she'd felt since childhood. The pressure put on her was incomprehensible. "With him, I can be me. I don't have to pretend that I'm ok and I can be flawed. I'm finally allowed the space to-- to just fucking relax!"

"Yarina." Her parents resorted to her full name. "You better watch yourself young lady. Like we said, you will not be associated with that thug." Her wide eyes gazed over her parents. She loved them dearly, but she couldn't continue like this. "Yara, please." Her mother's voice was much softer in comparison to her father as she stepped forward to take her hand, being immediately met with Yara moving backward.

"I'm sorry, but I'm in love with him." She offered one final apology before she quickly turned to exit the home. She wore nothing but pajamas, no shoes, socks, or even a sweater to keep her warm. "Yari." The teenage male rasped as his girlfriend approached.

"Where's your clothes?" His brows furrowed, hopping off his bike to remove his hoodie and pull it over her body. He glanced past her, seeing her parents standing in the doorway. "Let's go." He murmured, handing her his helmet. She knew he'd argue with her about her needing it more than him, so she put it on. Climbing on his bike behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso.

She didn't know what would happen with her parents, but she knew it wasn't her concern for the moment as he pulled off and she opted not to look back.

[babyboybokuto]

Late Nights, Early Mornings

sero hanta x reader : fluff, getting to know each other, weed use

Note: This is my first x reader post so I tried my best. Comments are appreciated but please, be nice. Hope everyone enjoys.

It’s late, close to midnight, and you’re still wide awake. You’re not sure why; you felt tired earlier, but now you were wired. After tossing and turning for the past couple of hours with no success, you decided to take matters into your own hands. You used to be a regular smoker, but you have significantly cut back ever since you started hero training. You still happened to have some weed, so you decided to indulge yourself a bit. You got out of bed and quickly rolled a little joint before stepping onto your balcony. 

The cool night air felt good against your skin, and you quickly made a little spot for yourself on the floor, leaning back against the wall before you lit the joint. You took a deep inhale, savoring the feeling, before exhaling and watching the cloud of smoke roll away from you. You missed this, the relaxing sensation it brought. 

You took a few more hits before you saw your phone light up next to you. You grabbed it and checked your notifications, seeing a text from your neighbor, Sero. 

12:02 AM

“Do I smell what I think I smell 🤔” 

You smiled at the text before deciding to respond. 

12:03 AM

“That depends, do you like what you smell?” 

You watched as the 3 bubbles popped up, indicating he was typing. While you waited, you took another hit and started to feel the effects of the weed through your body. 

12:04 AM

“I like it very much; in fact, it almost feels like it’s calling my name”

You took no time to respond now, liking the idea of some company.

12:04 AM 

“Out on the balcony, feel free to join me”

A few seconds passed before you heard the sound of a door opening next to you. You turned your head and watched as Sero stepped out onto his own balcony. He smiled and waved at you before climbing onto the edge and hopping over to where you were sitting on your own balcony. He quickly made a spot for himself next to you.

“Hey, you.” he smiled.

“Hey,” you smiled back, handing him what was left of the joint. He took it and took a hit before exhaling and handing it back to you.

“So kind for sharing. So what's up, couldn’t sleep?” He questioned.

You shrugged, taking another hit. “Yeah, I don’t know. I was tired during class today, but then I was lying in bed and couldn’t fall asleep. Decided to indulge in this old habit to see if it helped.” 

Sero hummed, leaning back against the wall to make himself comfortable. You both continued to pass the joint back and forth in silence until it eventually burned out. Feeling good but still very much awake, you decided to roll another. 

“Holy shit, how did I not know you were like this?” Sero asked.

“How do you mean?” You questioned. 

“Like, first of all, you smoke. Check. Second of all, you actually know how to roll on your own. Double check.” He said, drawing phantom check marks in the air with his finger. 

You smiled, “And what exactly am I being checked off on?”

“Just a list of things I like about you,” Sero said without hesitation. You felt yourself blush at the comment, smiling and brushing it off. You finished rolling the new joint and handed it to him along with the lighter. 

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” You said. Sero took the materials from you, smiling,

“I’d love to know more.” 

You gave a genuine smile at this. You already had the tiniest (ok, BIG) crush on Sero for a while, so hearing him say these things made you feel giddy. Not knowing how to respond in the moment, you lightly shoved his shoulder and motioned for him to light the joint already. He chuckled and did exactly that. 

You both sat there together for a while longer, passing the joint back and forth while maintaining light conversation, which consisted of you and Sero asking each other questions back and forth, getting to know each other. You learned about each other's interests, music tastes, families, childhoods, and so much more; neither of you paying attention to the time. It was nice, and you really enjoyed getting to know this cute boy more. You didn’t realize it, but at some point in the night, you and Sero began to lean on each other, conversation dwindling slowly. 

Next thing you know, your alarm is going off, and you wake up in your bed. You quickly turn it off before checking your phone, seeing a text message from Sero. 

7:05 AM

“Morning! You fell asleep on my shoulder last night, so I carried you back into your room and then went back to mine. I had a lot of fun getting to know you :) we should definitely do it again sometime”

“P.S. I’ll roll for us next time ;)”

You smiled, holding your phone to your chest. You couldn’t believe that actually happened last night. You quickly screamed your emotions into your pillow before turning back over and proceeding to text Mina.

7:07 AM

“🚨🚨 MINA WAKE UP THERE’S BEEN AN UPDATE IN THE SCOTCH TAPE CHRONICLES🚨🚨” 

7:08 AM 

“NDCJSNC STFU RN SPILL OR ILL SCREAM”

You took some time to explain last night's events to her, both of you screaming over the developments. It had been so nice getting to know him, and you loved everything you learned. You already craved to know more and spend more time with him. You really couldn’t wait to see him again, and little did you know, he also couldn’t wait to see you.

[icypenguin]

Ok so can I request the sbg x wony reader but instead of SHES THE ONE AND ONLY SEO CHANGBIN FROM SKZ (she can beat ass.. and can pick ben with one arm :3

⋆ ˚｡ Pretty Phantom Breaker ⋆౨ৎ˚

cw: limping, running away from phantoms, thoughts of broken bones (that’s all i guess??)

a/n: HIHIHI AND OFCCC! but.. i dunno if this is how u expected T-T i hope i got your idea right and personalities right too.. i’m not really in that side of socials BUT DW DW GOTCHUUU anyway this is a platonic relationship with the sbg gang!!! hope you like itttt!

divider credits: @iluvrei @dollywons

to everyone’s eyes, you were known to be a clean, healthy, pretty and feminine girl. everyone always appreciate you for that. In school or literally anywhere, you’re always the one who soreads positive energy, and that’s what the gang loves you about.

you’re always focusing on a healthy life style (even if every night you’re teleported into some other realm) which makes it beneficial for the gang. They sometimes wonder, how can you be so positive even if it sounds like it’s the end for them?

“hey y/n, can you recommend me any blush? I’ve been seeing people use this like.. lisptick blush thing? i dunno what that is.. but it sounds cool!” you and taylor was sitting besides eachother on a bench, waiting for the others to finish class since you finished your work sooner. “ah! rare beauty? yes that’s a popular one nowadays! i do recommend you buying one of it since it comes in many different shade! it’s really useful, you can use it as a gloss and a blush!” picking up your phone to show the pictures of the different shade, the others were finally back.

“ughh i hate maths.. so booringgg…” complained aiden as he rolled his eyes. “well.. i suggest you to pay more attention in class rather than making paper airplanes” ashlyn stays in a monotone tone while logan, ben, and tyler ignored them.

taylor whispered a “thanks!” before moving on to the next topic, “well, took you guys long enough to finish that 5 kindergarten riddle” she joked while grabbing her bag in action to go home. “if it weren’t for that moron, we would NOT be take this long… burden pfft-“ tyler frowned, not making eye contact with anyone except him. “well- friends stay together right? they wait for eachother!” the others groaned as aiden pulled out this ‘friendship line’.

soon, you all started to walk to the main entrance while chit chatting random stuffs. you noticed aiden got closer, meaning he wanted to ask you something. “y/n, is it true that broccoli are better than sausages?” he stared with a curious look on his face. “well ofcourse, it’s better to eat broccoli everyday than to eat sausages everyday..” you smiled and gave him a thumbsup. “awwh man, i love wieners…” hearing that response, you laughed along with taylor whose heard your conversation.

! time skip phantom realm !

somehow, the phantoms were chasing the whole gang… thanks to aiden’s loud shout i guess.. “ugh did you really have to scream that loud to safe your darling ashlyn!?” tyler seemed irritated by how aiden was acting. “it’s called friendship okay!? just like how you protect taylor-“ he fired back the comment back to tyler and it kept going on and on. their bickering kept on continuing until- “wait- ben!? where’s ben!?” taylor was looking around, checking everyone but seeing no sign of ben near them. suddenly, everyone’s attention has been spotlighted to ben, who was in the back, trying to catch up.

when you studied closer to see ben’s anatomy, you noticed he was limping. soon, everyone noticed this wound of ben and aiden, who does not think first, decided to run back to ben “ah-! ben- wait for me-!”

ofcourse he tried to help ben but only ended up with them walking slower. as the phantoms were getting closer and everyone’s heart was beating as fast as ever, hoping they would be safe, you did what you had to did. rushing towards both men who’s being chased by a bunch of phantoms, you lifted them one in each of your arm. you didn’t really like to show this side of you, but what choices are there?

ofcourse, they were shocked to see how the feminine you- is able to carry 2 guys in a blink of an eye. “whatthe-“ tyler exclaimed in a shocked and unbelievable tone, while the others just stare at you speechless.

meanwhile ben and aiden was taken aback by the sudden lift, aiden adapted quickly and cheered you on “go go go! go y/n!” ben was just giving up his whole body on you and trusted you on his life.

as you rushed forward to the gang, the phantoms were catching speed of you too. but luckily, you catched up to them and you all managed to get into the base or the bus graveyard.

“phew that was rough…” panting while dropping those two men softly on the ground, the others stared at you with wide eyes, suprised by your skill. “what. was. that.” tyler shot back from his thoughts and stared at you. “that was so cool, y/n.. i didn’t know you can do that..!” logan admired you while having a happy and amused face. “aww thanks guys… i thought you’ll be weirded by it..” you rubbed the back of your neck while looking down, not used to have compliments by this skill of yours. “no way! you saved their life!” taylor gives you a pat on the back as a supportive sign. too, ashlyn got into the conversation “it’s honestly a relief for all of us…” she handed you a bottle of water for you to finally calm yourself down.

meanwhile the others were all fine, aiden and ben both thanked you before healing ben’s leg that logan thought can be of broken bone. tyler, at the corner, was scoffing. he had a high hope of becoming the strongest one in the group and he even thought he was! but i guess.. more suprises for him?

“aww tylerrr, don’t be so busteddd~” taylor laughed at her brother being to irritated and jelous. “w-what!? i’m not!” he barked back at taylor while having a clear jealous look on his face. “pfft yeah? than it’s no matter if i call you weak?” tyler then started chasing taylor as he wanted revenge.

you felt something tap your shoulder, ashlyn was looking at the corner to a phantom that.. successfully entered the base outta nowhere. “do you think you can break it?” she asked you with full trust.

maybe.. maybe you can be a phantom breaker champion?

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. thankyou for supporting! ୨♡୧

[pagelets]

Stairway to Heaven- P.S

Synopsis: Heeseung said the trail would take them to a waterfall but for Sunghoon it took him to Heaven.

Disclaimer: nsfw, contains smut!!

A/n: No, Sunghoon haven't die. And yes, there's more Heeseung fic coming. Enjoy!

She was sleeping like a baby, she didn’t sleep well in weeks since college required too much of her. But now the exams were over, finally recess, finally she could wake up late and do nothing all day… Or at least it was what she thought.

It was 6:40 am when she heard her phone ringing.She opened her eyes with a lot of effort and grabbed her phone to see ‘Sunghoonie’ shining on her face. She groaned in frustration before picking the phone. Usually she would just put her phone in sleep mode but it was Sunghoon who was calling. She didn’t know Sunghoon for a long time, just a couple of months, he was Jay’s and Jake’s roomate. She met him because of Heeseung and Ni-ki, her classmates from uni, at a party they dragged her to. Since the first time they interacted, they felt a sexual tension going on, but nothing ever happened. It didn’t mean she didn't want it to happen.

“Wake uuuuppppp!!!!”, Sunghoon screamed on the phone. She pulled it away from her ear “Don’t scream, man” “Good morning for you too” “Morning, Hoon” “Good morning, you are talking to me, so your day is good already”, she chuckled “Good morning. What are you calling me so early?” “Are you in free today?” “Yes” “Put on gym clothes, we are going to hike” “What?” “Hike. Doing some cardio" "I know what a hike means, I just think this is a little out of the blue coming from yoy..." "Heeseung hyung and Jake want to go hiking, but we need 4 people and Jay refuses to go and Ni-ki is recovering from a cold so I am inviting you” “So I'm your third option?” “My one and only third option”, she chuckled, “You mean like going to a trail?” “Yes!” “When and where should I meet you guys?” “We can pick you up, you tell me when” “An hour, I'll text you the address” “Okkkkk!” “Stop screaming, bro!” “No! See you in an hour, byeee”, she hung up the phone since he was screaming again.

…

She sat on the backseat of Hee’s car with Sunghoon. It was hell the way to the park, cause she felt the urge to touch him, strip down his clothes, and ride him on the backseat right there in front of Heeseung and Jake, while she gripped on his hair and called out his name. But she couldn’t, which was very frustrating. When they got there, they found out there were 2 different trails which would end up in the same waterfall. So they decided to split in pairs.

“You and Jake go that way and we go this way”, Sunghoon suggested to Heeseung. “Why do you get her as your partner?”, Jake complained, he wanted to have the opportunity of watching her wearing that gym top from very close during an hour and a half. “Because I’m handsome, funny and cool, so I’ll keep her entertained”, Jake rolled his eyes,“But we can let her decide”. The 3 pair of eyes had falen on her, “It's fine by me” “See!?” “Ok, but we are staying with that trail”, Jake said.

...

She knew why she liked to stay at home, cause staying at home didn’t involve walking in nature for 40 minutes while she fought against the urge of kissing Sunghoon. Especially when he kept up with the dad jokes and all she wanted was to shut him up. When she thought things couldn’t be worse, they saw a stair. A huge stair, with about a hundred steps. “God, kill me now”, she muttered before stepping on the first step. “Hey! Stop!”, he called her, “Why?” “Let’s make it funnier” “Please, no more dad jokes” “No. Let’s make a bet” “There we go…” “The first person to get on top can ask anything for the other person and they have to do it”, she raised an eyebrow “Anything?” “Anything” “And the other can’t say no?” “Yes” “Oh, you’re going to regret this” “So you’re down for it?”, she nodded, “Ok, let’s do it” “But get out of the step”, she joined him on the base of the stair “Let’s count together” “Alright, on 3 we go” “Ok”, they aligned their bodies so they would be at the same line and started to count “1, 2, 3”, Hoon placed his arm in front of her to block her, “Bro, that’s cheating!” “We never said that cheating isn’t allowed” “So it’s like that?”, she approached him and bumped his hips with hers, making him unbalance, “Hey!”, he complained. After he lost balance, she ran like a bullet, when Hoon looked at her again she was already halfway the big stair when he not even ran 30 steps.

He tried to catch up, but she was already 10 steps from the top, he wasn’t going to make it. When she reach there, he decided to stop running, she would have to wait for him if she wanted a prize. “H-how…”, he breathed heavily, when he met her on the final goal “... You're so fast”, she smiled “You are the one who decided to play dirty”. He stopped in front of her, breathless, she placed her hands on his shoulders, massaging it, “Breathe” “I’m ok”, he leaned his hands on his thighs and took some time to catch up his breath. When he finally did it, he straightened his body and looked at her “So, what do you want from me?”, she smirked, then moved her hands to the collar of his shirt, and pulled him down while she stood up in her tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. She kissed him softly and for her surprise, he kissed her back, as softly as she did.

He ran to reach the top of the stairway but he reached Heaven.

“Oh!”, he said when she pulled away, he was expecting her to ask for a meal or maybe an expensive thing, but she kissed him, he was surprised. She planted her feet on the ground again and let go of his shoulder, she probably shouldn’t have done that, but he was so sexy and his lips were so inviting and she didn’t want anything else from him. She looked down at her feet and blushed “Sorry, I should have ask…” “Kiss me again” “What?” “Kiss me again” “I…” “Kiss me again. I am going to repeat it for the rest of your life till you do it again”, she blinked, “You can’t be serious” “Kiss me again” “But…” “Kiss me again”, why was she even arguing? She wanted to do it again and he was asking her to do it. Soshe held on is shoulders, stood on her tiptoes again and took his lips on hers.

This time his hands moved to touch her waist. Firstly, just touching it carefully, as he was knowing something new, then he held it firmly. From that point on it felt like the act had been a trigger to him becoming bolder cause something switched inside of him. His tongue pressed against her bottom lip, begging for access. She let him, opening her mouth and sliding her own tongue into his mouth. He also pulled her closer, feeling her chest against his, so he could grab her thighs and lift her body. She wrapped her legs around his torso, and he walked till her back hit a rock which was the rail of the stair. He put her sitting on the rock and moved his lips to her neck. “Sunghoon…”, she whined when she felt his lips trailing down her body “If you want me to stop, just tell me” “... don't stop”. But he pulled away, she looked confused ”Why did you stop?”, he smirked, “How do you want me to do this?”, he said while he untied the knot of his gym shorts, she smirked too, “I want you to fuck me from behind” “I like from behind” “Really?” “Yeah, bet your ass looks even better without cloth blocking the view”, she laughed, then she jumped off the rock and leaned on it, with her ass turned to Sunghoon. He held the elastic of her gym leggings and took it off her, when he was done, he took a step back to appreciate the view.

“Damn”, he tilted his head to take a look at it from other angles “Can I bite it? I mean, it is asking for it”, she laughed “No!I want to swim when we get in the waterfall” “So can I slap it?” “Yes. But not hard at the point it gets your handprint on it”, he laughed with the idea “Ok”, then he aligned his dick with her entrance, “Are you ready for me?” “Yes, please”, he saw her clenching as she thought about him getting into her, which made him even more hard. Without any more aldo, he started to slowly get inside of her, trying to hold himself back from doing all at once. He groaned when he felt her clenching around him as he got even deeper till he got to her cervix. “If you keep doing it I’m coming without even have the chance of actually fucking you” “Doing what?”, she squeezed around him of purpose “This?”, she faked innocence. “I really mean it. I’m going to fill you with all my cum if you do this again”, she laughed, mischeviously, but she stopped, she didn’t want to ruin everything “Ok, I won’t do this on purpose again” “Good. I’ll start moving now” “Thank God”.

Sunghoon started to thrust, the first 2 he did slowly, but after this he couldn’t hold himself back anymore he had to go faster. She wasn’t complaining cause she was as much needy as he was. Soon, they became 2 moan messes, the erotic sounds echoing in the forest, scaring away any form of life who dared to interrupt them. Sunghoon had his head back, and his eyes shut, cause of the electricity that ran down his whole body. He looked at her, she had her knuckles turning white of gripping so hard on the rock. He smirked before placing his hand on her left cheek, “Your skin is so light” “W-what?” “It would look good on red tones”, she smirked, she knew what was coming next “I-I agree...”, she said in between the moans.

He lifted his palm, then smacked it on her ass, the sound of the slap mixed with her whine made Hoin go wild, she clenched around him “Told you not to do it” “It wasn't’ on purpose” “I don’t believe you”, he smacked her ass in the same spot as before, she whined again. “I want you to say my name”, he smacked it once more, but not too hard, he didn’t want to hurt her. She moaned, “Hoon…” “Yes”, he placed his hand where he smacked and massaged the area. It didn’t take longer for them to cum on each other. Hoon leaned over her to hold on the rock and avoid falling, “I didn’t think of it when you asked for doing some cardio today”, he laughed “You felt so good”, he kissed her face, “But we should get going if we want to reach the waterfall” “Yes”, they straightened up and cleaned themselves with a towel she bought for the water.

They continued the trail with hands attached, “Do you want to hear something funny?” “Sure” “You won the competition but I got what I wanted anyway” “What?!” “If I have won, I would have asked for a kiss” “No!” “Yes”, she laughed “I’m glad we have our minds aligned” “Feels like we share the same braincells”, they laughed. She let go of his hand “What’s wrong?” “Look!”, she pointed out to Heeseung and Jake “There you are!” “Finally!”, the other 2 complained “You took forever to get here” “We got stuck on the stair” “We did it so fast” “Well, we are not you” “Ok, but why are we here arguing over a damn stair while we could be swimming?” “She has a point” “So let’s go!”, she took her gym clothes, revealing her body covered by the bikini. “Gentlemen, please watch me while I do a backflip”, the 3 men watched her prepare to jump on the waterfall. “Do you guys think you can do a backflip too?”, Sunghoon looked at Heeseung and Jake and noticed they were looking at her ass, but he didn’t get jealous at all, he had seen it first.

[discotitsposts]

You’re lucky you’re cute

reader and reid flirting at the party of a mutual friend

she/her pronouns used

some mature themes and choice words used. overall supposed to be lighthearted and silly

i love this photo so much

You were getting ready for a party a good family friend of yours was hosting. You had known David Rossi since you were a little kid and it’s rumored you were somehow related. Rossi treated you like his own and had been there for you your whole life. He had even helped you out of a few legal jams you’d found yourself in high school.

He had seen you first learn to walk, started school, hugged you while you cried on his expensive suit when you went through your first breakup, and graduate high school. Now you were going through academy training to work at the FBI. You wanted to be just like David.

You had never met anyone on his team in the BAU except Hotch. He had told you about everyone though. You were most excited to meet Penelope she sounded like a ray of sunshine. You were very intrigued by the mysterious Dr. Spencer Reid. He sounded very interesting. According to Rossi he could read 20,000 words per minute and had an eidetic memory. How amazing is that? Being a bit of a smarty pants yourself you definitely wanted to talk to him.

You had also learned he was apparently wildly handsome from what some girls at the academy had said. Though you’d never seen a photo of him, he sounded fantastic.

On the drive to Rossi’s mansion you listened to your favorite music. Singing every lyric to kill your nerves. You parked and it seemed everyone else had already arrived.

You ring the doorbell and Rossi opens it. When he sees you he smiles proudly and yells “Principessa! Sei bellissima!” He hugs you and brings you in to meet the team.

“You know Aaron, this is JJ, Emily, this is Derek Morgan.” You shake each persons hand as he says their name.

“Ah, the infamous Derek Morgan.” You say. “Nice to meet you all.”

“Pleasures all mine, gorgeous.” Derek winks at you. Emily punches his arm. “Leave her alone weirdo.” She scolds.

A brightly dressed woman with beautifully styled blonde hair runs into the room carrying two wine glasses and speaking excitedly.

“Is she here yet? Oh hi!!” She pulls you into a big hug.

“You must be Penelope! I’ve heard so much about you. All of you. What about the infamous Dr. Reid? Is he here yet?” You nonchalantly ask.

“She’s developed a little bit of a crush on our good doctor.” Rossi spills.

“I have not!” You pout, embarrassed by this very true fact.

Everyone chuckles. The doorbell chimes loudly through the foyer.

“Uh oh, it’s your future husband.” David teases.

“Keep it up and I’ll pour your vintage scotch down the drain.” You retort. Rossi puts his hands up in defeat and goes to answer the door.

“Here’s the one I want you to meet! Spencer, this is our little star of the FBI academy!” Rossi boasts. Dr. Reid smiles and waves at you. You reach your hand out to shake his and he frowns. They were right. He’s literally so handsome I can barely think. You think. Barely.

“I don’t shake hands. Too many germs. It’s actually safer to kiss.” He tells you.

“Ok, come here then.” You reach out and pucker your lips. Spencer slowly backs away and clears his throat.

“Oh my god, wait no I was joking.” You quickly attempt to retrace what you said. Ever so embarrassed you quickly change the subject. Spencer smiles shyly.

“Anyways, um David told me you have an eidetic memory. I think that’s really fascinating. I actually couldn’t wait to meet you and have a conversation with you. I really really want to get to know more about you! Not that I was obsessed with you before even meeting you, definitely not the case. That would be weird. You’re really cool, I mean you seem cool because how would I know that. I never met you before. Although I was expecting more of a mad scientist look to be honest. You’re really attractive though, I mean your face is scientifically perfect I mean… you know what I’ll be right back” You ramble on and realize you’re embarrassing yourself. It’s not your fault. When you look at Spencer’s face your brain goes to mush.

You excuse yourself and try to run away to the safety of a nearby restroom. Someone grabs hold of your wrist despite the estimated germ count.

“I’d love to get to know you too.” Spencer’s smiling at you.

“You don’t think I’m a crazy rambler?” You ask, worriedly.

“I’m a bit of a rambler myself.” He chuckles and leads you to a nearby couch. You two end up talking for over an hour about everything. He tells you about his mother, his life in Vegas, and how he’s banned from multiple casinos which made you laugh so hard. You tell him stories of Rossi when you were growing up. The time Rossi had choked on some of his pasta when babysitting you and had spat it out through his nose. This makes Spencer crack up.

“Guys look.” Morgan motions to you two talking and laughing. Everyone else at the party looks over.

“I had a feeling they would get along.” Hotch breaks into a smile. Rossi however is scowling.

You leave to refill your root beer and David walks over to Spencer.

“Hey Rossi, she’s really fun to talk to. Thank you for inviting me tonight. I’m having so much fun.” Spencer smiles up at him.

Rossi plasters on a fake smile. “Are you?” Spencer nods happily. Rossi’s face grows serious and he leans in, “Good, because if you hurt her, just remember, I would know exactly how to get away with murder.” Rossi smiles at Spencer and pats his back and walks back to the party. Spencer swallows nervously.

“Wasn’t planning on it.” He whispers to himself.

“Wasn’t planning on what?” You walk back in and hand him an extra root beer.

“Nothing. Thanks.” Spencer smiles and opens his root beer.

“So tell me more about when you got kidnapped by a cult leader?” You ask eagerly.

“Well this guy, his name was Benjamin Cyrus. We infiltrated his cult by pretending to be child protective services. Me and Emily got caught in the middle of crossfire. SWAT shot at them, they shot back, and put us all in danger.” He tells you everything about that case. You watch in awe at the way he talks. “Rossi actually brought them fried chicken with a microphone bug in the bucket.” Spencer laughs recalling the silly detail.

“Mmm sounds delicious.”

Rossi has been keeping his eye on you two. You look really happy but he likes having Spencer terrified of him. Your back is to Rossi and when Spencer makes eye contact. Rossi points at you and then Spencer and makes a cutting motion on his throat. This makes Spencer nervous. You notice him turn pale and turn around. You see Rossi is just playing cards with Aaron.

Penelope goes around passing out liquor to everyone. “Bottles for everyone!” She cheers over and over slurring her words. Morgan wrangles her to sit back down, stumbling, also intoxicated. You down your bottle and Spencer watches in shock.

You get crazier and Spencer goes to put the bottle Penelope had handed him, back in the kitchen. You’re dancing or trying to anyway. Spencer accidentally bumps you and you pull him down with you. The bottle in his hand breaks and splashes all over you both. Rossi hears a loud crash and comes into the kitchen.

“What the hell happened in here!” Rossi shouts noticing the red liquid trickling everywhere and you, in a now-red stained dress.

“We fell.” You and Spencer say at the same time.

You giggle, “Jinx!”

“You know the origin of the jinx was actually-“

“Clean this up brainiac!” Rossi cuts him off and hands Spencer a sponge.

“Yes sir.” Spencer falls to his knees and starts scrubbing. You notice the room felt hotter as he did so. Was it the weather or the sight of Spencer working hard?

“I’m sorry you got red wine all over you. You looked really nice. Not that you don’t look nice anymore. You look beautiful. I just feel bad your clothes got stained now.”

“Of all the days to wear a white dress. You’re lucky you’re cute Dr. Reid.”

You pick up a different sponge and help him clean.

“You don’t need to help.” He starts.

“It was partly my fault. Plus I know he’s gonna come in here and try to see if he can see his reflection in the tile. If he can’t,” You make a cracking sound and air-motion bending something, Spencer presumes to be, his neck if the red wine doesn’t come up.

“The guys so rich he can afford someone to professionally clean.” Spencer laughs at this.

“I know! One time when I was seven I accidentally spilled some jam and he told me if I didn’t clean it, all the jam in the world would disappear and I could never eat it ever again.”

Spencer opens his mouth in shock, “That is so mean!”

“It worked though.” You say while scrubbing the floor harder. He laughs so loud. Something he noticed he hadn’t done in a long time.

You decide to push his buttons a little since practically none of the wine got on him. You flick some water and soap at him.

“Hey!” He splashes you with some water back.

You stand up and discreetly grab the water sprayer on the sink and turn it on full blast. Spencer yells and with no way to defend himself, tries to stop the water with his hands. Penelope and Morgan run in and you spray them. Everyone’s laughing so hard you don’t see Emily come up behind you with a bucket of water. She throws it on you and you scream.

“ITS COLD!”

Hotch and Rossi walk in and shake their heads in disbelief.

“I’m disappointed in you all,” Hotch starts. Everyone stops and fearfully looks at him. “for not including me in the fun!” He grabs the water sprayer from you and splashes Rossi. While you’re all fooling around you notice a groundbreaking discovery. Spencer’s lilac purple shirt is completely see through and soaked. His nipples are even hard from the cold water. Hot damn.

You show up behind him and squeeze his hand and pull him to one of the bedrooms. You both lean in and kiss softly. You attack his lips with kisses and soon the kisses mesh together and become messier. He’s moaning into your mouth while you attempt to rip his shirt off.

“Wait.” He stops you. You pull away confused. “If Rossi’s upset about some red wine won’t he be more upset if we get… you know what on the bed?”

“Cum?” You ask. Spencer makes a disgusted face at your choice of words. “Nah only if he comes through with a black light.”

“No I meant the…stains.” He points at your dress, his face completely red.

“Oh this?” You motion to your now red dress. You reach behind you and untie your dress, letting it fall to the ground. You stand in front of him completely bare. Good thing you chose to not wear anything under it this evening.

You start to hum a song while you stalk towards him. When you push him back on the bed you hear a loud knock at the door.

“AHHHHHHHH” Spencer screams while covering his crotch with a blanket. You simply pick your soaked dress off the ground and sloppily put it back on. Rossi continues pounding his fist on the door.

“Tie me.” You command.

“Huh?” Spencer looks up confused and disoriented. You motion to the back of the dress and Spencer ties a cute bow with the strings. His nimble fingers moving as quickly as they’ll allow. He thinks Rossi’s fist might soon break through the door. You calmly walk to the door and carefully turn the knob.

“Hello.” You smile sweetly.

He simply crosses his arms and glares at Spencer. “Both of you, out. Now. I don’t even want to think about what you were thinking of doing in my guest bedroom young lady.” He wags his finger at you. When Spencer stands up to leave, Rossi stops him with his hand.

“Remember what I said I’d do if you hurt her. She’s like a daughter to me.”

“I-I-I won’t David, I was actually going to ask your permission. If I ma-maybe could take her on a date?” Rossi’s eyebrows raise at Spencer’s request, as if to say, tell me more. “I think she’d enjoy a film fest, they’re playing some old monster movies down at the drive in, some are in Russian, but that’s alright because I could translate to her. I’ll have her home by 11:30 I promise.” Spencer’s stumbling over his words nervously.

Rossi bursts out laughing, “Kid she doesn’t live with me anymore. She’s an adult. You don’t need my permission. Hope you two have fun. I was only worried about my sheets!” He runs to the bed fixing the creases you two had made.

After that he asked you if you’d like to go, of course you said yes. That Saturday night you two had so much fun and fell in love even more.

the end :)

pls pls tell me some of u thought this was even a little bit funny

actually pls tell me if u enjoyed this at all

i’m laughing so hard writing the part about his nipples help

fun fact when i wrote the part about reader wearing a white dress i was listening to this

[antifrgl]

Headcanons about Hobie Brown strangers to friends to dating with another Spider person where they meet at Spider Society?

thank uuuu for ur request, i was so bored !! hope you'll enjoy reading that anon !! srry for the possible mistakes, i just had a lot of thoughts rushing through my head 'cause hobie is definitely my fav !!

friends 2 lovers ☆ atsv

hobie x g-neutral reader, fluff.

despite his somewhat intimidating look, he has shown to be pretty friendly, so he certainly approaches you first ++ hobie assumed that you should be his age so it's simply natural to him !!

he's very cool about it, just asking you what's up, what's your name etc ...

at first, it's quite professional ?? you have great but small conversations when you two go on missions, yet you don't seek for more time to spend together.

later, as you go on more and more missions, you eventually become friends, but again it's not like you visit each other or vent about your life outside of being a spider person.

but hobie genuinely thinks that you're a great friend and partner since you can always reciprocate his energy during the few times that you see each other :p

e.g "i hate being called spider-" "i know, you hate being called spider-punk 'cause fuck them labels" "ay totally"

eventually, hobie starts to see you under a different light when he finds himself often seeking for your presence !!

like, he's totally great friends with gwen and pavitr, but oh man he just keeps thinking abt how much fun it is to be with you when he's hanging out with them >_<

on the other hand, he also finds himself only being able to talk to you about his ideas, about how he's totally against miguel's system, about how fucked up he thinks his government is ... bc he immediately noticed how you're always willing to listen and to try to understand his thoughts !! how cute (:

pls don't ever mention how he can be very talkative !!!!! hobie doesn't really notice how he talks a lot more around you and he'd probably feel childish if you ever point it out !!!

no need for anyone to tease him abt his crush on you for him to realize that he has feelings for you. instead, he's well aware of them and he's suspicious abt how you feel about him.

once, you randomly met hobie's gaze but you two suddenly sensed each other (yk that spider thing) and how you just stood there for a moment just like him led him to believe that you must like him too >_<

HOBIE IS THE FIRST TO CONFESS, but it's honestly so sudden !! he literally just blurts out his feelings for you in a random moment !! (it's such a hobie thing to do x))

"isn't it obvious ..." you said to hobie almost whispering as he throws you a confused look before you guided him as your eyes traveled to gwen and miles, who were talking and walking in front of you two. you heard a chuckle coming from hobie before you looked at him again, "i mean, i don't know about gwen ... but miles is so obvious" and it was your turn to chuckle before hobie eventually spoke, "what about me ? is it obvious that i like you ?"

BAM

what the heck hobie brown ??

anyway ... to anyone else including you, he would look totally cool and confident in the moment but hobie would be lying to himself if he pretended that he didn't apprehend your response.

i mean, the guy is truly in love with you so he can be a lil shy yk >_< but you wouldn't know abt it anyway ...

so you two just have this kind of awkward conversation when your brain is still trying to process what's happening ????

"what's obvious ?" "that i like you" "you like me ?" "yeah" "you know, i was saying how miles likes gwen, but not like a friend" "i know" "but you said-" "ay, i said i like you, what about it ?" "what-" "do you like me ?" "yes" "cool" "ok ... cool"

and for the rest of the day you're just ... super awkward with hobie but OH MAN HE'S NOT LETTING YOU DO THAT !!

he's sticking to you like usual, you literally can't run away from him !

after a while, you two talk about your feelings for each other in a more intimate atmosphere, just the two of you hanging out far from the others and everything becomes more clear as you're almost back to your usual self ...

"ay, why are you laughing ?" "i just thought that you wouldn't believe in love" "yeah ... until i was proven wrong ... no but seriously, i just never thought about love" "oh, okay"

i don't think you would call him your boyfriend or whatever, same for him. you two don't really make your couple "official".

BUT hobie wouldn't hesitate and answer yes if anyone asks you two if you two are dating !!! so it's not really a secret, you two simply wouldn't display it, it felt natural to the both of you :p

soulmates !!

[nolita-fairytale]

did you ever end up writing the phone call blurb?? i am STRUGGLING to find it and im so desperate 😭😭😭

called you again (extended)

a/n: ok so i never got to writing the actual phone call that transpires between carmy and reader, that gets her to chicago in the first place. and if i recall correctly, @cool-girl-is-hot was also patiently awaiting this phone call. since i'm doing the follower celebration, what a perfect time for me to bring this back, @bunnywritesmarvel.

You answer the call before you can talk yourself out of it, immediately putting it on speaker. 

“Hi,” you say, your voice shaking a little. 

And it’s as if a fog clears, like you've been waiting to hear it for a long time.

“Hi,” he replies, his voice soft, yet hesitant.

You're met with a long silence on the end of the other line as the two of you dance around whatever it is Carmy called to say. There's a part of you that wants nothing more than to spill everything, lead the conversation like you always do, but after months of radio silence, you know you can't do that. If Carmy wants to reconnect, then he's got a whole of groveling to do considering he pretty much ghosted you since he moved back home.

"I uh. I heard," he finally says, in reference to your recent change of employment.

"Oh," you sound, your voice higher in pitch than you imagined it would be as you scramble to find a better word than 'oh.' "I... um. Yeah. My heart wasn't in it anymore."

What you want to say is, my heart moved to Chicago and forgot how his fucking phone works.

"Yeah," Carmy replies, and you can practically hear him pacing back and forth as he searches for something to say.

You share another silence, this one much more tense than the last, like a hot pot of water about to blow its lid off in pressure, as you wait for him to ask you something -- anything. How hard could it be?

How are you? What's been going on? Sorry I haven't called.

But he doesn't say anything of these things. Instead, when he finally speaks again, all he says is:

"So listen. I uh-, I got this guy. He’s- he’s self taught but he’s got a lot of potential,” Carmy explains, his delivery becoming more and more confident as he hides behind the work.

“He just needs a good teacher – someone to inspire him – give him some of the foundations he would’ve gotten in culinary school. I think uh, I think you'd like him.

So after four months of no contact he... needs something from you? You can't help the feelings of anger and disappointment that grow inside of you.

Was he upset that you quit the restaurant -- here to talk you into going back -- now that he needed a favor? A stage?

“Just for a week, maybe?" Carmy suggests, his voice going up at the end, almost as if it's a question.

"I can’t pay you much but uh, well we’ve got a little money, which is a whole other story, and I can talk to my brother-in-law. He can put you up somewhere… you know… if you want to. If that helps.” 

Oh.

He's asking you to come to Chicago.

While it feels like it changes things, you're still ambivalent and you certainly don't want to get your hopes up.

"Carmy..." you trail off on an exhale. "I don't know."

"Sure," Carmy nods, chewing on his lip, suddenly feeling extremely self conscious about asking you in the first place.

He wants to take it all back, tell you it was a stupid idea, and apologize for even saying something in the first place. But he doesn't. He can't. Because after working himself up to call you for the last few hours, there's no way he's going to back out now.

Let it rip, Bear.

"I uh... well, I understand. If can't-. Don't want to. Maybe I shouldn't've uh..." Carmy stammers through, the heat rising to his cheeks.

"It's just uh. Tim told me... you might be looking for some inspiration."

Right.

You pause before asking:

"Can I... Can I think about it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. Sure," Carmy is quick to answer, because he really wants to make this okay for you.

For the both of you.

And because hearing your voice for the first time in four months feels better than he ever could've imagined.

"Okay. I'll uh... I'll think about it," you drag out, because you know you'll need some time to process this.

"Listen, I uh. I'm late to meet Liz. But I'll let you know. Either way."

"Yeah, okay. Okay," he answers, nodding eagerly.

"Okay," you reply, listening to Carmy bid you a soft spoken goodbye before ending the call.

"Holy shit," you hiss, putting your phone down on the table, your hand folded over your heart as you can feel it race.

Well, you've got quite the decision to make.

[stanart4clearskin]

ok so ive been thinking. hippie patrick who lives in like a renovated school bus or van or something. do we see the vision

a/n: okay i didn't really include the hippie part because i lowkey have no clue how to write that... sorry :(

yes i 100% could see patrick being the type of guy to buy an old school bus and turning it into his new home. after new rochelle he had a larger amount of money than he knew what to do with. after seeing a few youtube shorts about a couple buying a bus and making it a home, he decided to do the same. being the man child that he is, of course he hadn't thought through the idea. now he was stuck with a shitty school bus and no idea how to start renovating it.

the first thing he did was spend hours working up a sweat and ripping all the seats of the bus out. he had to employ art to help him because fuck was this whole thing a lot harder than he had imagined. (tashi laughed in his face when he told her the idea.) after a year of countless days spent just working on his bus, it was finally finished.

the floor of the bus was now a beautiful amber wood and the vehicle was decked out with a washing machine, dryer, sink, toilet, shower, bed, and small dining area. he cruised around the country in his new home and then had decided to stay in a small town for awhile. his arrival into town was talked about by everyone who lived there because it wasn't often that someone new came--let alone someone who lived in a school bus.

you were an elementary school teacher and had actually heard about patrick from your students. they had been talking all day about how they had spotted him at the local diner and how they thought he was so cool for living in a bus. you, on the other hand, thought that being a grown man and living in a school bus was weird. you also found it weird that he had come into town alone and had decided to stay.

you were incredibly wary of the man up until the day you had actually met him. you had decided to stop by the town's local courts to get in some practice after school only to find the singular court in use. practicing his serves was a tall, attractive brunette who waved you over when he noticed you watching.

"i could use someone to play against." he smirks, his blue eyes glittering with excitement. it seems like he hasn't had anyone to practice against in a while.

you hesitate to respond, "um... i suppose i could play for a bit." you say, setting your bag down. you go through you stretching routine and aren't oblivious to the way this stranger is staring at your ass.

"you seem hesitant to play." he says, his eyes trailing over your legs. one thing about this man is that he's shameless. he could give less of a fuck if you noticed his staring.

"i haven't played against anyone... good in a while." you admit, grabbing your racket and heading to your side of the court.

the brunette grins. "don't worry. i'll go easy on you." he winks and grabs a tennis ball from his pocket. "ready?"

he in fact does not go easy on you. you had been a tennis player as a child and throughout high school but that was the extent of it. you played recreationally ever since college but whoever this guy was... fuck. he was good. you ended up giving up after about two hours of playing against him and winning two games out of six.

you let yourself collapse onto the bench, panting as you try and get as much oxygen in your lungs. your opponent on the other hand seems to barely have broken a sweat. you can tell he's holding back laughter which would normally make you irritated but he seems to mean it in a good natured way.

"i'm patrick by the way." he says, holding out a large hand for you to shake. you grasp his hand and the first thing you notice is how rough it is. he has calluses that are presumably for tennis and a strong grip.

you pause, "patrick? as in the guy who lives in-"

"the school bus." he completes the thought for you. your eyes widen as you take him in again. you thought that a single guy living in a school bus would've been more... weird. but patrick looked so normal to you that it was confusing.

"why a bus? if you don't mind me asking."

he grins and his smile would've made your knees buckle if you hadn't been sitting down. "i don't mind the question but i'd prefer to answer it over dinner perhaps?"

and that's how you ended up going to the local italian restaurant with a man who lives in a school bus. naturally he picked you up from his apartment in said bus.