#i think I am fr gonna shave my actual head just to not have to fuck around with a bald cap

[st-guliks-fnord]

Researching SFX makeup stuff for a costume has me just wishing I could shapeshift fr. I shouldn’t have to purchase foam latex ear points and Pros-Aide and Pros-Aide Cream and Pros-Aide Remover and skin safe flesh tone paints and screw around with it for a few hours every time I want to be Character™️. My face & ears should be able to just Do That, I think.

[yellowloid]

Why do you think Alex and Miles fought in 2018? In my opinion between two there is nothing but a simple friendship and nothing else

hi!!

the reason i think there was a falling out between alex and miles after the eycte era and ESPECIALLY in 2018 is because of how radically their interactions changed after the end of their 2016 tour.

if you only consider them as strictly platonic friends (which is completely fine) then you're probably not gonna agree with what i'm about to say - which, if you follow me on this blog, you probably already know lmao. and that is the fact that in my opinion the making of eycte and then specifically the actual tour was a turning point in their relationship, and it was clear even from an outsider's pov that something was going on between them. the actual nature of what was actually going on is and will probably forever be a mystery, but the way they interacted, the way they were constantly on each other in every way you could possibly think of, the way you could feel so many different kinds of tension between them, and the way you could see the utter fondness and admiration written in their eyes every time they looked at each other... that was definitely something. again, we'll probably never know what it was, but it sure felt like love. the visceral kind, rare and special and so intense they both got completely swept off their feet by how strong it was. the depth of their connection was almost tangible, romantic or not, and that is clear by just watching any 2016 performance.

sure, their friendship had already been going strong for years, but... 2016 was just different. it felt different, intimate and exhilarating and electrifying for the both of them. you could just see it in their eyes, in the way they smiled their most genuine smiles back then. in the giggles and whispers and constant touching and looking at each other like they were each other's biggest, most precious treasure.

and then the tour ended, and it was deeply emotional and sad and it really felt like the end of an era.

they came back to their solo careers, and they were seen less and less with each other. from what we know, they also both suffered from writer's block for a while. then 2018 happened, and am came back with a very concept-oriented album, where everything that might be related to alex's private life is hidden under ten layers of obscure metaphors - and even then, we have no way of knowing how much of it is actually real and how much is just part of the whole concept. the only songs where he is a bit more direct are either """"love songs""""" (and very sad at that: see golden trunks and the ultracheese) or very introspective and personal ones (see anyways). on the other hand, miles came back with a very direct, very much heartbroken breakup album. also an implicit coming out album. also an album where every song screams of alex (i don't even need to give examples. it's literally every single one. the whole fucking album.)

regarding their private lives, miles entered his slut era while alex seemed to slowly start wasting away. my dude literally had a mental breakdown and shaved his head, he was not well fr. this was probably due to criticism of tbhc + him cheating on taylor most likely for a while before actually breaking up with her + getting stuck into a very shallow relationship with louise out of 1) self-flagellation and 2) search for a safe space (keeping up his straight persona, denying his identity and literally burying himself into the closet).

the majority of the milex fandom - me included - seems to agree that if we assume there was something romantic going on between them during the eycte era (possibly even before, but it definitely got to its intensity peak in 2016), after the tour ended things got complicated: miles wanted an actual committed relationship, while alex - back to the routine and having "woken up" from the dream that was the eycte tour - was already struggling to accept his identity, and when miles got serious he got scared and chickened out. so then miles tried to forget him (hence the slut era, but to no avail) while still trying to be his friend because of course they never really left each other's side, and that probably hurt like hell. everything miles could do was watch as alex slowly got eaten away by his own regret, fear, repression and self-hate. what i always say is that by doing what he did, alex broke both their hearts.

their interactions became so weird, too - la cigale 2018 being a prime example of peak cringe content, with them awkardly sharing the mic and alex literally fleeing the stage to run backstage to louise as soon as the song was over. you can't watch a random 2016 performance, then watch la cigale and be 100% convinced nothing happened in between those two years. something definitely switched between them.

my guess is that they never really got over each other, but their friendship did recover after reaching an all time low in 2018. i think now it's in much better condition, though not back to how it was before. they probably never got closure and they probably never will. they just... quietly long for each other and do nothing about it because they're both dumb fucking idiots.

they were indeed seen hanging out during summer 2020 if i rememver correctly, and then they were both at zack and lola's wedding last summer (we were ROBBED of a photo) and then back in... late july? (early august? or was it earlier?) we got that pic of alex at a bar with a fan and miles in the background. ofc this is just the "public" evidence we have of them hanging out and being on at least amicable terms, and who knows what really happens behind closed doors. i do believe they hang out as much as their busy schedules allow them to do. and obviously things aren't the same anymore because they clearly went through something, but what they have now isn't necessarily bad. they're still friends, and that's all that matters in the end.

obviously we don't really know what happened. we probably never will, and that's okay - because that's how it should be. we're not entitled to know anything about their private lives that they don't want us to know. let them figure out the nature of their relationship for themselves. as fans, we admire them for their music and we all enjoy the essence of their relationship with each other - their public dynamic and personas. and i think that we can all agree on the fact that their relationship is something they both cherish so much, so unique and heartwarming and beautiful that it's impossible not to be captivated by it, be it romantic or platonic.

[thebutterflea]

holy fucking smokes people

no one speak. not a fucking word.

it's time for kujou tenn to cry and im just not ready ngl. the fucking cg in game broke me and now this shits about to be moving???? no fucking way. not ready after the week i've had.

but here we go!

1:27 - idk how many times i can take tama fucking licking his lips at me. do we still have the strength?

1:40 - the cutest op i fucking loves it

2:38 - oh god oh god here it fucking comes, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHI'M NOT READY

2:50 - tenn's smile. i'm not ready

2:56 - not tenn quoting the brother he literally abandoned, like come on man

3:02 - yargHHHHHHHH. heart pains. fuck this show. your rival, bro???? call back to a few seasons ago???? right before you fuck me in the ass?????????

3:18 - crumbs for the tenngaku shippers and i'm lapping them up

3:54 - why's tenn's hair so extended? he got that extra strength gel to keep his flicky bits up. ever since shaving my head, i can respect that.

4:05 - anesagi crying CAN WE FUCKING NOT

4:43 - use your words brother, tsumugi's gonna turn around and think you ascended to the next astral plane

5:15 - what the hell, slap my granmama in the face, shoot my turkey in the leg THEY JUST DON'T DESERVE THIS MAN

6:06 - now i know we are not getting fucking SECRET NIGHT animated again??? they said let them eat cake and we EATING

6:14 - hello perspective??? ryu's foot is cutting into my leg rn. i just love technology!

6:35 - what's going on rn??? these angles? animators have died for this it seems

6:51 - why's anesagi having the shittest time out of everyone? poor miss gorl is having to listen to all the hate like just leave??

7:19 - i'm actually going to have 2 fillings after this episode bc it's SO SWEET?? MOMO AND YUKI MOMENT?? 'have your cake and eat it' like i'm eating bitch

8:12 - yamato's face rn. who would've thought we'd come from psychotic breakdowns and strangling to this? not me!

9:42 - mmmmm. mmmmmmMMMMMMM. i'm just not ready. it is 10pm on a saturday night, am i really ready for a breakdown like this?

10:15 - fuck. fucking fukcing aiodsjfaisdhfa;isudduhfajsd I'M SILENTLY SCREAMING. INTO MY HANDS. why? BECAUSE OF LINES AND COLOURS THAT MOVE. actually what is my life?

the voice break is about to have my fucking heart. bros. help

11:25 - my heart physically hurts. like i knew this was coming but still?? lord have mercy

11:48 - that 'thank you' just legally murdered my children. how you doing this TO YOUR OWN SUPPORTERS??? hurting them this way

11:52 - BROS I'M GOOD I'M ACTUALLY DONE, I'M FINISHED. he's glad he's singing????? why don't we all just suck a cock and call it a day?!

12:27 - tsumugi is such a babe, we're getting married tomorrow

12:33 - like i knew this was gonna be bad but FR FR??

12:41 - actually can't even process. let me be free from this pain. let me live. also gaku and ryu are such bros.

13:33 - whiplash from that emotional shit right into the riku's a monster storyline. like can i have some place to cry throw up sob on the floor, roll about, scoot over to the kitchen, make myself a snack, get back into bed, process for about 3 hours? thanks.

13:42 - now i KNOW. i KNOW. that they did not just add this shot of riku fucking doing press-ups? what is this ANGLE? they really having iori watch riku, from THIS ANGLE, and analyse. i'm tired.

14:02 - imagine walking into your lounge and iori izumi is rewatching clips of you doing press ups on tv. riku pov would start an inquiry.

14:28 - OH SHIT, iori pack your shit up before riku calls the police

15:32 - the animator in me just loves the attention to detail. like of course you rub your arm inside your bracelet when you're talking about something uncomfortable. they did not come to play.

15:45 - Hi. I’m your average gay fuck. Did you know that you have gay? this line says you do. And so do I.

16:35 - why riku look so good in this shot? i mean im not complaining, slay and all that.

17:09 - huh?? what just happened? oh wait his breathing?

17:25 - now this ain't right. where's all the love for the other members people?? i want to see more orange in this crowd RIGHT NOW or i'm coming down there fools

18:06 - transition??? they really aren't messing about!

18:08 - this gay motherfucker i swear to god. ALLURE? actually just fuck and get off my screen please

19:03 - i can't, this man is really trying to explain his gay panic away as 'riku plays on people's emotions'. YOU WANNA FUCK. ok?? so get on with it please

19:12 - calling your crush pitiful does not make you any less gay for them fool. tsundere looking ass

19:39 - tsumugi's face here really says it all. she said come out of the closet or you'll be coming into the insane asylum with this level of denial.

20:21 - am i about to 180 my opinions on this storyline bc iori's slaying this speech so hard? tenn gives and riku takes? i can get behind the story potential that contrast.

20:39 - is it on purpose that he looks like kujou takamasa with all this gesturing?

21:17 - i remember finding this example of him becoming a political leader so fucking funny before. nanase riku for president 2022. i'd vote for him

21:49 - like this was very well animated and written but calm down bro. riku's a babe we don't need to worry.

22:36 - kujou takamasa knows how gay iori is. he knows all

well, holy fuck! another knee slapper from idolish7 that i'll probs rewatch. now to wait for season 4 where toma tells nagi's brother he wants to touch him in terrible northmeirian. patience is a virtue

[skyesdaisys]

my two reactions into one

wow jesus fuck, the angst and as much as i hate the miscommunication trope this was..... ow. and now it's time to rant

And Dick didn’t even want to think about what was happening with Conner. He just had to pray that this whole shaved-head, Lex Luthor impression was part of his mourning for his would-be father, and hopefully - it would be temporary.  <- his way of saying "this is just a phase, he'll grow out of it" and it made me chuckle a bit

Of course, back then, it was just a silly crush. When he told Donna about it at the time, she laughed. And when he had hidden his face in embarrassment, she then told him that it was ‘cute’. <- just love the big sister teasing her little brother about his crush moment, she knows what's up ajsnxjjc

Even when Dick died and was brought back to life by some strange magical pit, a pool of waters that brought him dreams of a far off life with you - it still wasn’t the right time. <- "oh yeah, i died and came back to life but i still don't think nows the right time" like goddamn..... yet again, i'm not surprised, his timing with these things are not good on his part

You were there to Dick's call, loyal and waiting, every single time. You looked at him with as much love and longing in your eyes as he needed (at least, according to Dawn and Donna you did) - but still, it never felt like the right time. <- he's an idiot <3

Now, because of some cult that Dick believed to be long gone and a stupid blood ritual, the world was ending, and it still didn't feel like the right time. <- oh my god.......... do i need to pull a grayson and get myself almost killed for him to realize the right time?

“You're gonna ask ‘are you okay?’ and I'm gonna lie and say ‘I'm fine, boss. All good.’” You continued. <- oh, this is how i know me and him are meant for each other. we both try to repress our emotions <3

“I mean, it's not like it's the end of the world.” You let out another dry, sarcastic laugh. // “It's - it's only the end of the world.” You spoke these words heavier, dropping any false laughter in your tone - it truly hit you. Any further jokes you could make left you. <- did you go into my brain because why do i feel like i would actually saw something like this at such a bad time ajsjdjdkkx

“Hey, come on.” Dick said, his leader instincts, his natural caring for you kicking in. “We've been through worse.” <- areyousureaboutthat.gif

It should have come as a shock - your childhood best friend kissing you. But in that moment, it just felt right. <- smiling wide like an idiot at this. angsty in the moment first kisses, let's fucking go!!!!!

It was the most tender, but most wonderfully passionate kiss that you had ever experienced in your life. <- i'm fr jealous of all the women who've got to kiss brenton onscreen (as well as vice versa, but that's a different story ajsjdjjf)

Why? Your brain screamed out as you stared at him. When? How long had he wanted to kiss you? How long had you been missing out on Dick Grayson?  <- missing out on dick in more ways than one ajsjjdjdjdjf. we are idiots <333

“Um - Conner's missing.” He announced this in a nervous, meek tone, not wanting to bring the team leader any more bad news. <- why am i surprised.... no moment of peace. goddamn it, conner

just the pining, the angst, dick being an idiot (affectionate) just SOOOO much. my brain is still trying to process it all

Your First Kiss With Dick Grayson

Dick Grayson x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary:

The Titans have faced a lot together, but never something quite as troubling as the possible return of an inter-dimensional demon that shreds apart worlds and leaves nothing standing in its wake.

You hate to admit it, but even standing with your team - you're afraid. Dick tries his best to comfort you, but for once during his career as noble, selfless team leader - he takes a moment to be selfish, and does something that he has been avoiding doing for years.

Dick Grayson x Gender Neutral Reader. Childhood Friends to Lovers. Angst and Fluff. Set during Season 4, Episode 6.

Word Count: 2,900

DC Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link

Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: this one is a bit more on the angsty side; this fic features major spoilers for season 4 (and for the majority of the show) - so if you're watching it for the first time or you haven't seen it yet and you want to watch it spoiler free, then avoid this fic for now; the reader character is completely gender neutral - the only pronouns used for the reader are you/yours; the reader is one of the original Titans; the reader and Dick are childhood friends through the Justice League - the reader is the adoptive child of Oliver Queen/Green Arrow (the reader is a talented marksman and trained in combat); the reader is mentioned to be an orphan (again, aren't all good superheroes); major pining from Dick - he has had a crush on the reader since they were kids (most of this is from his POV, so it's not specified if the reader has returned his feelings for just as long); mentions of canon character deaths; a lot of this is from Dick's POV so - warnings for Dick being emotionally constipated and referring to romantic feelings as a 'disease'; this is an AU where Dickkory never happened; mentions of canon violence - not described in graphic detail; mentions of the apocalypse/the world ending (and the anxiety this can cause); the reader is feeling extreme fear/anxiety due to the possible end of the world; technically - unresolved pining. I believe that's it.

A/N: The second part of the First Kiss series! I had a lot of fun with this one. This is the first really romantic fic I have written for Dick, and I enjoyed it so much omg. I was so tempted to write an enemies to lovers version with him, because he annoys me so much in the canon, and I feel like 'kissing in the middle of a heated argument' would work so well with his character - but maybe we'll save that one for Jason (or Hank, idk). instead, I went with emotionally constipated Dick Grayson, because that is sooo canon. he would not admit his feelings for someone if he had a gun to his head. and I had a lot of fun writing this mostly from his POV. I feel like he is such an interesting POV character to work with, so I might do more from him in the future. anyway, please enjoy!!

...

Stress. 

There were few other words to describe the horrible feeling that was dense in the air around them. 

Everyone was looking to Dick for answers, and unfortunately, he had none. Sebastian was missing, likely kidnapped by Mother Mayhem in order to complete a ritual that would likely mean the end of the world. Rachel had lost her powers and the Titans needed her unique form of magic now more than ever. Tim was impatient, annoyed because Dick wasn’t letting him use the minimal training that he had. But of course, Dick was hesitant to let the next would-be Robin off the bench after what had happened to Jason. 

(Dick could barely bring himself to think about Jason these days.) 

Kory was having difficulty controlling her newfound powers, and so was Gar. Which left the team weakened on all sides. Jinx was helpful on the magic front, but she was far from easy to control when it came to executing plans and corralling her rather wild personality. 

And Dick didn’t even want to think about what was happening with Conner. He just had to pray that this whole shaved-head, Lex Luthor impression was part of his mourning for his would-be father, and hopefully - it would be temporary. 

All of the chaos among the team left Dick leaning on you. As usual, you were likely the only person on the team who wasn’t experiencing any extreme drama. You were the only Titan with some true stability. 

And you were the person on the team with the most experience. Even more than Dick himself. Beyond being part of the original Titans team that had helped to found The Tower, you had been trained under Oliver Queen, who was part of the Justice League as Green Arrow. Ollie had taken you on as his own child when your parents died and left him as your carer in their will. Naturally, early into your childhood, he had started training you in the art of combat and marksmanship - so you grew up with intense skill. 

You and Dick met soon after he was adopted by Bruce. And much like Donna, you were a kind face and a wise voice that kept him mentally grounded well into adulthood. But you were also someone mischievous that made him smile; someone he could always turn to for a well timed laugh. 

You always kept him sane. 

And very much unlike Donna - soon after he met you, Dick started to develop feelings for you. 

Of course, back then, it was just a silly crush. When he told Donna about it at the time, she laughed. And when he had hidden his face in embarrassment, she then told him that it was ‘cute’. She told him that you two would be good together when you got older. So naturally, Dick took her words as biblically concrete advice. 

He decided that he should wait for you. That the two of you would be good together when you got older. 

So he waited. 

And he waited. And eventually - life got in the way. 

He had a huge falling out with Bruce, things at the Tower went south. It was never the right time to tell you. How the hell could he tell his best friend that he had those big, terrifying feelings mounting inside of him, worsening each year like a disease? 

It was never the right time to tell you because he was dodging disasters left and right and he needed you more as a friend than as a lover. He needed you as a brick wall to lean on. He needed you as that voice of common sense in his ear - the leader’s loyal first mate, giving him advice behind the curtain and keeping his head on straight. 

He didn’t need to tell you about his awful, festering feelings and have you gone from his life too. 

When Garth died, and then Jericho died and the Tower shuddered, it still didn't feel like the right time. Wounds were tender and even if you were never downright angry at him like everyone else was - you needed your space. Dick respected that. 

That day, you stood at the mouth of the elevator, about to leave for Star City to go and lick your emotional wounds at Ollie’s for a while, and you looked at Dick with tears in your eyes - looked at him like you were waiting for him to say it. But it wasn’t the right time. 

He still thought about you every single day when he was in Detroit. And then - he showed up at your door with a scared little girl, needing more advice, needing that brick wall again. It was only natural that when chaos found him, he needed your help. 

He hated that your advice was to call in Dawn and Hank. He relied on you, and you relied on family. And he hated that they were waiting at your apartment, called against his will once he had left to do some more sleuthing. 

But he found that you were right when he saw how Dawn bonded with Rachel, when Hank put up a vicious fight against those strangers who came to collect her in the name of her father. 

Watching you get thrown off that roof sent Dick’s heart through his stomach. As he clung onto the rooftop with his fingers and the muscles of his arm burned, all he could think about was you. As you sputtered out blood and he cradled your head, unsure of how to help you, terror gripped him in a way that it never had before in his life, because he realized that he might actually lose the most important person in his life. 

As you lay in the hospital, a set of machines barely keeping you alive, with Dawn loyally holding your hand in comfort and Hank seething to get revenge on the people who had hurt you - Dick ached with regret and not having told you. 

Still, when you showed up at that house in Ohio, somehow magically awakened from your near death by Rachel's powers - Dick felt that it just wasn't the right time. He swallowed his regrets like ash in his mouth when he reunited with you, hugged you tight. He didn’t even consider telling you about his feelings to be on the radar of possibility. 

When you came back to the Tower to help bring in Doctor Light - it just wasn't the right time. When you showed up in Gotham to help bring down Red Hood - it just wasn't the right time. 

Even when Dick died and was brought back to life by some strange magical pit, a pool of waters that brought him dreams of a far off life with you - it still wasn’t the right time. 

You were there to Dick's call, loyal and waiting, every single time. You looked at him with as much love and longing in your eyes as he needed (at least, according to Dawn and Donna you did) - but still, it never felt like the right time. 

It never felt like the right time to destabilize his entire life by uprooting the one good friendship he had. It never felt like the right time to truly fuck things up with you. 

Now, because of some cult that Dick believed to be long gone and a stupid blood ritual, the world was ending, and it still didn't feel like the right time. 

He wasn't the son of a demon from another dimension, but he still felt cursed. 

When Dick saw you slip out of the room, clearly trying to sneak away from the group, his stomach twisted with nerves. It was rare that you of all people cracked under the pressure. It was rare that you needed to escape from the madness for a breath. He mumbled an excuse to Kory and then chased after you, knowing that it wouldn't be hard to tell where he was truly going - but truthfully, he didn’t care. 

He easily caught you in one of the late night deserted halls of STAR Labs. 

The many glass walls overlooked the city - a collection of bright lights that made up Metropolis. Thousands of people that you never knew, that you had never met before. People that all seemed too important now as you contemplated their lives; thought about the fact that you might not be able to save them. 

Dick saw the sickly look on your face, the glassy sheen of guilt in your eyes even from far off as you leaned on the polished titanium railing that separated the upper floors from the atrium. His footsteps echoed in the empty hall and you heard him approaching from far off. He made no effort to sneak up on you or conceal himself, not wanting to startle you when you were already in such a distressed state. 

The minute you looked over your shoulder and saw him, your face broke from that dark, doomed frown into a haste smile, and you reached up to wipe away your tears, attempting to be subtle with that motion. You were trying to hide yourself from him. 

Dick came to stand beside you, resisting the urge to pull you into his arms. He desperately wanted to shelter you away from any fear you might be feeling. Maybe it was selfish; wanting to hold you, wanting to protect you from anything in the world that could possibly harm you. Maybe it was downright idiotic - because realistically, he knew that couldn't protect you from this kind of harm. He couldn’t protect you from the world ending. 

“Y/N-” Dick murmured your name gently, clutching a fist tightly by his side to resist the urge to reach out and soothe a hand over the trembling muscles of your jaw. 

You were holding in a sob, and it came out as a harsh, sarcastic laugh instead. 

“I know.” You said. “I know. You're doing that Team Leader Guy Thing.” 

You tried to make it sound playful and joking, but with your voice wet and soaked with worry and fear, it came off as a pathetic bid to deflect. 

Dick wasn’t sure how to reply. Because yes, he was doing that ‘Team Leader Guy Thing’. He was trying his best to, anyway. 

“You're gonna ask ‘are you okay?’ and I'm gonna lie and say ‘I'm fine, boss. All good.’” You continued. 

At least you were being straightforward about it being a lie. 

Dick wished that he had something genuinely helpful to say, but his throat stalled with dryness and his chest ached at seeing you so distraught. It really wasn’t something that he was used to. 

“I mean, it's not like it's the end of the world.” You let out another dry, sarcastic laugh. 

Then, there was a moment of silence - a beat of realization as your chin quivered and more thick tears rimmed your eyes. 

“It's - it's only the end of the world.” You spoke these words heavier, dropping any false laughter in your tone - it truly hit you. Any further jokes you could make left you. 

Dick choked on his own tears when he heard the aborted sob in your chest - something that came out as a whimper when you reached up to clutch at your heart. 

You were genuinely terrified. Terrified that the Titans wouldn’t be able to find a solution in time. Terrified that everyone was going to die. Not just the people you loved, but - everyone. 

“Hey, come on.” Dick said, his leader instincts, his natural caring for you kicking in. “We've been through worse.” 

Working with the Titans, you had been through a lot. Drug busts, battling against costumed psychopaths, the loss of a dear friend to a dangerous assassin. But you weren’t sure that you had been through something worse than this. Everything the Titans had been through had never affected the world on such a large scale. 

“Have we?” You argued gently. 

Perhaps not. Maybe the only time the team had been in such dire straits was the first time Trigon attempted to come to earth. But that had been when Rachel had been armed with her powers and had been prepared to take him down. But Dick wasn't going to voice those thoughts to you. 

You waited in agony for him to say something, and your tears finally breached - rolling down your face in hot tracks, laying marks of the true fear you were feeling, laying it all bare for the first time. Dick knew that his own eyes reflected that same glossy hurt now, if only for the pain he felt in seeing you cry - something that was so incredibly rare over the time he had known you. 

Dick reached out and gently cupped the side of your cheek, running his thumb across your face and wiping some of those tears away. You were so startled by the tenderness of the touch that you couldn't help but to let out a whimper, and you felt frozen as Dick spoke his next words. 

“It's gonna be okay.” He told you, trying his hardest to sound confident in the words. “We're gonna get through this. I know we will.” 

This time, unlike many before, you couldn't be inspired by his confidence. 

“Have you - have you considered what happens if we don't?” Your voice barely reached above a whisper, barely daring to tempt fate with this possibility. 

Honestly, Dick had not. In these kinds of situations, he didn't allow himself to focus too much on the negative. As the team leader, he did have to take all the possibilities into account. It was something he had to do in order to keep everyone safe. But if he focused too much on death and darkness, much like Bruce did, then he knew that paranoia would overtake him and his team would get caught in the crossfire. 

He had to spend his time coming up with solutions to fix the problem rather than spending his time caught up in knots, worrying about what would happen if he fumbled and didn't actually fix things after all. 

The literal end of the world? It just wasn't a possibility in this mind. 

But right now, standing there, staring into your big eyes, glossed over with fear as you looked to him for answers - there was only one thing that Dick could think of. 

And it was so incredibly selfish. It didn’t have anything to do with the team or being a good leader. It didn’t have anything to do with helping the others. 

Dick brushed his thumb over your cheek again, an incredibly tentative touch that had your skin tingling. You let out a small sigh, and the world froze around you when he leaned in - slowly, moving toward you at a pace that more than gave you time to escape if you wanted to. But you found that you didn’t want to. You found his closeness to be an incredible comfort in these moments of mental chaos. 

And so, he gently planted his lips on yours. 

It should have come as a shock - your childhood best friend kissing you. But in that moment, it just felt right. All you could do was shut your eyes and lean into the kiss, reaching up to grip his wrist, keeping him close to you as you leaned into his smothering heat. His lips were surprisingly soft, and he tasted like coffee - using caffeine to keep himself awake for days, trying to marathon a solution against the impending doom. 

His kiss was firm but so giving - a touch that easily swallowed you up with heat from the top of your head all the way down to your toes. It was a sensation that pushed out the rest of the world, smothered any worries about who or what might bring an end to it. 

It was the most tender, but most wonderfully passionate kiss that you had ever experienced in your life. 

When he pulled away, you sucked in a sharp breath, suddenly feeling incomplete without his lips on yours. The shock then began to set in, like pulling the knife from a stab wound and feeling the blood rush out of you freely. It created a dizzying mixture with the heat that was now boiling under your skin. 

Why? Your brain screamed out as you stared at him. When? How long had he wanted to kiss you? How long had you been missing out on Dick Grayson? 

Dick could see all those questions bubbling beneath your surface as the fear in your eyes shifted to confusion, and he finally decided to speak. 

“I'm sorry.” He said quietly. “But if the world does end, I couldn't die without knowing what kissing you is like.” 

“Dick-” You sighed, about to go on a long rant about how he could have done that years ago, about how he should have - and the end of the world was a shitty excuse. 

But you abruptly cut off your own words when more footsteps squeaked down the hall - the rubber soles of sneakers scuffing against the polished floor. 

Dick jumped away from you as though he had been burned, clearly wanting to keep the interaction private. Both of you tuned to see Gar approaching. 

“Dick?” He posed. Gar had a look of confusion, clearly wondering if he should question what was going on between the two of you but swallowing it. 

“Yeah?” Dick replied. 

“Um - Conner's missing.” He announced this in a nervous, meek tone, not wanting to bring the team leader any more bad news. 

“What?” Dick gaped. 

There was no time to further discuss what Dick had said to you. With the end of the world in your hands, it easily fell to the back of your mind. 

[obamas-ass-cheeks]

My (il)logical predictions for stranger things 4/5:

Nancy finds the missing shotgun in the upside down that Will was holding when he disappeared and shoots vecna in the fucking face😌💅🏻✨

Mike finds the crumpled painting Will made after time skip and it’s just a luscious portrait of his face and on the back it says to like love Will and he realizes he loves will back and they live happily ever after💧🫦💧 cuz if that doesn’t happen I’m writing a fic

The gang defeats vecna and we think he’s dead but he returns in s5 following Eddie’s dnd campaign where vecna returns when they thought he was dead which would parallel to the first season where Will says the demogorgan got him👀 we love foreshadowing told through dnd🫡

Mikes parents divorce in s5 dear god plz someone save that woman. Cue mike having an existential crisis about who he wants the spend the rest of his life with. (I am very new to Byler but mileven just isn’t hitting as hard)

I pray to god s5 is set in the 90s so they can fix their ugly ass haircuts. Actually now that I think about it pretty sure bowl cuts were still around in the 90s so will might be a lost cause they can just kill him off then

We haven’t gotten much of Will in v1 other than him being a pining gay boy so he’ll definitely be hate crimed by vecna in v2😟

The government or whatevs is like looking for will and mike and Joyce isn’t home so they probably gonna raid the wheeler house😀💔 omfg I hope they accidentally kill Ted😬 (I don’t actually hate ted btw) but my girl Karen can find a new hubby and get that insurance bag🤪💰sry not sry Ted

The California gangs gonna to back to Hawkins and Joyce is gonna come back from russia and find a bullet hole filled house and missing children😭

Bruh imagine mikes reaction to El’s shaved head and she’s like still pretty?💁‍��️💞 and he just says nah bruh…💀💀

Also what happened to that girl Kali and her Payday gang🤨 El had her emo moment and dipped that was weird I hope we see her in s5

I saw a theory on tiktok that said 001 was actually El’s dad something about dr brenner wanting to create like a mega powerful baby and that’s why 001 gave her advice and helped her try to escape. But I was thinking and he was like telling her like 001s powers grew when he let his anger out or whatever I can’t remember the exact line and before at the end of s3 hopper who’s her father figure tells her to remember the hurt cuz the hurt is good which is when El’s powers are the most powerful. We 👏love👏 parallels👏 anyway I just wanna see a dramatic reveal of that except he just says in a demonic voice 👺I’m yo daddy👹

I’m overthinking this entire show basically I just want Dustin back together with steddie they’re his parents

Oh my lord I completely forgot about that vengeful bitch Jason with his basketball posse. Honestly if I had a man who sent out a search party to avenge my gruesome death I’d be blushing in my grave😍 he Fr thought Eddie was using evil satanic powers tho to kill Chrissy and patrick that’s kinda embarassing😬 it’s the thought that counts. I heard there was a spoiler that Eddie survives but imagine they like win or whatever and Eddie like smiles at Steve like yay we survived hell🎉🎊 and then this bitch Jason appears out of nowhere and murders him. That would be crazy. I’m totally thinking out of my ass rn I’m finished

Not sure why the spaces r so big in between🤨 also not sure if these r predictions or if they’re headcannons. Can they be headcannons if I’m trying to predict the future?? Not sure how that works

[angeltrapz]

SAW ASK!!!!!! 💞 n ee wayz as far as Eric/Adam goes i wld love to hear yr thoughts on how their relationship looks @ th very beginning when Eric still v v fresh in his recovery (obvs we’ve talked a lil abt this both but expandin on stuff), n also u mentioned Eric knowing how to bake (at least some things) n id LOVE to hear more abt that!! also for a general SAW polycule question, just bc it’s a dynamic i don’t think either of us have rlly touched on, thoughts on William + Mallick?

SAW ASK!!! (tysm!! <3)

okay so Eric/Adam:

I rly like th idea u had where they meet at one of Bobby’s groups (also throwing in tht I think abt Group Therapy All The Time) bc like. neither of them want to be there, neither of them rly have much in common w any other survivors, n neither of them can stand Bobby Dagen. so tht’s still like, th foundation fr how these 2 meet to me lol. the idea of them listening 2 him talk while rolling their eyes at each other n fake gagging is So Good.

I feel like Adam is just... rly open? w Eric? bc god does he understand how fucking hard it is 2 be around ppl after smth like that - maybe not to the same extent (though they DO have tht solidarity), but like. there’s only so many times u can hear “I’m so sorry tht happened/I can only imagine what u went thru” b4 yr ready 2 just tell ppl to shut the fuck up. so like, on Eric’s side of things, not getting tht frm Adam? not hearing the whole “I’m rly sorry u almost lost yr son and were locked up fr six months”? tht’s foreign territory ENTIRELY 2 him. sorry is all anyone has to say, even other survivors. Adam not saying sorry n instead being like “well I’m glad yr still around” is kind of what makes tht decision in Eric’s head like, yes, I think I want 2 get to know this dude. He Gets It.

n Adam is just patient too. letting Eric come 2 him, making sure he knows he’s there, tht sorta thing, bc regardless of how much he likes Adam, being around ppl again is not smth he can just jump into. it’s a wound tht is still raw n open n aching n he needs to treat it w care instead of rubbing salt in. n Eric half expects tht to turn Adam away, esp when he sometimes goes a day w no communication, but it doesn’t n he’s just sorta like ??? bc Eric never rly... saw some1 making tht kind of accommodation fr him, never expected some1 to understand it. tht’s another region I feel they’re very similar in - contact, sometimes, can b very very hard, even over text. if they don’t speak all day, tht’s okay - they send each other “i’m okay” texts n th other person responds w “good” n tht’s fine. Adam provides compromises when Eric never even knew tht was a possibility. it’s good.

things progress kinda slowly but not in a bad way. they’re just kind of getting used 2 each other - both of them have been alone fr so long, having some1 in their lives tht they give a shit abt n who gives a shit abt them is smth they’re both navigating. fr Eric, it’s being around some1 consistently after his trap. fr Adam, it’s actually having a friend who doesn’t make him feel like shit + having some1 he can definitively say is there. sometimes its easier 2 sit in comfortable silence than it is to force a convo neither of thm rly have the energy fr. sometimes just being in a room together is enough. tht’s smth they both notice - tht it’s like. they find it easy 2 be around each other. which is SO foreign to both of thm so they’re just kinda feelin it out?

n again like u’ve written b4, I also feel one of th turning points is when Eric calls Adam abt his hair + Adam shaves it fr him in his bathroom. tht’s th point where they’re both like “oh, I rly care abt this person.” bc it’s three in th fucking morning, Adam didn’t even have 2 pick up his phone or even answer when he saw it was Eric. but he did, bc he cares, bc he wants to help, n Adam’s just kinda freaking out internally too bc it’s been a looong time since he’s felt tht way abt some1 - he just wants Eric 2 be okay. n it’s then tht he’s kinda like, coming 2 terms w th fact that he truly cares abt someone who he can say without a doubt cares abt him too and it’s just like. oof. ESP when Eric sleeps over bc again, it’s early as fuck, and isn’t it so much easier 2 just have him stay? isn’t it easier fr Adam to make space fr Eric in his bed n home n heart? n Eric actually doesn’t tell Adam abt this later, but tht night he sleeps over after Adam shaves his hair? it’s th best he’s slept in fucking weeks.

I feel like after tht they’re a LOT more comfortable w each other - not tht they weren’t b4; I mean in th sense tht when they’re not doing too great, they’ll reach out 2 each other rather than bottling it up n dealing w it alone. Adam comes over w CDs he likes bc he can’t talk abt it but he doesn’t want 2 be by himself n they sit in Eric’s living room together in comfortable silence. sometimes Eric sings 2 him. they both find tht it helps. Eric becomes more accustomed 2 accepting help when he knows he needs it + Adam offers - dimming th lights n staying close by to keep him frm getting another migraine, having th TV on but w the sound down low enough tht it doesn’t feel like some1′s hitting him over th head w too-loud dialogue, getting things fr him on th days tht his nerve pain flares up n he’s mostly confined 2 his bed. they’re there fr each other. this is what friendship looks like fr them, two Jigsaw survivors who understand each other better than any1 else ever could.

another huge step fr them is like, th first time Adam offers 2 help w Eric’s rashes. I feel like, even as they grow closer, tht’s still not smth he’s vocal abt/comfortable showing often, something he’s ashamed of bc he feels like it’s gross n he doesn’t want 2 like. make Adam deal w that. but like during one of their sleepovers where Adam cuts his hair fr him n Eric’s got his shirt off he just. grabs the ointment he knows Eric keeps in th cabinet above the sink n while Eric’s still sitting w his back to him, he wordlessly begins tending 2 the rash spread along Eric’s shoulders n his neck n back, n Eric just. freezes. Adam doesn’t say anything, just does it fr him, n Eric kinda. Breaks Down a lil bit. like he just starts silently sobbing bc Adam doesn’t have 2 do this. he doesn’t have to help him w one of th things Eric hates most abt his own body. he could think it’s Gross. but he doesn’t think it’s gross n he doesn’t mind touching it and he’s so gentle when applying the ointment n then when he’s done he just kind of leans against Eric’s back bc He Knows. he reaches around front n grabs one of Eric’s hands n just sits there w him while he cries it out, holding his hand 2 say I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere, n that is MAJOR fr Eric. and honestly? tht’s kind of th first time he Rly becomes aware of “oh fuck I love him.” (Adam too, ngl)

basically, the way it starts is a shared experience, smth no one else can rly say they have, an understanding based on tht shared experience. giving each other space until they begin inviting each other in. care, patience, “I’m here.” re-learning th feeling of mutual concern. somewhere along th way, it turns into love, and somehow falling into tht is just as easy.

-

Eric + baking:

YES I love this hc!! this is smth he picked up during his time btwn jobs during th earlier stages of recovery (but After meeting Adam/connecting w Art) bc he needed smth to do n was just sorta like, “well I guess this works huh?” n like. it was def a learning curve bc Eric can cook, relatively well/at least okay, but baking is a entirely different matter. at frst he was kinda discouraged when things didn’t turn out th way he hoped they would, but w gentle guidance on Art’s side n enthusiastic encouragement frm Adam, he stuck w it n has gotten pretty good as a result!! his fave things 2 make r peanut butter cookies (he does a little design on th top w a fork n both Adam + Art r like Oh My God That’s Adorable) + th aforementioned carrot cake cupcakes!! frosting is usually homemade n it’s usually cream cheese! he makes his own frosting fr cakes n stuff too (Constantly has 2 tell Adam to “keep yr hands off of th frosting/batter/dough! we’re not gonna have any left!!!” even tho tht Doesn’t stop him).

he makes rly good banana bread too! tht one was a lil harder 2 learn but he’s honestly pretty proud of it now. it’s so funny bc Adam typically doesn’t like stuff like tht but if Eric made it? oh it’s Amazing. (he’s like tht w Art’s cooking too kjdfhjs partially bc he is a Disaster in th kitchen, but also bc That’s His BF/Best Friend!!!)

if some1 is feeling particularly shitty he takes requests (Adam usually wants brownies + Art is partial 2 peanut butter cookies but w chocolate chips too) n it’s just a nice lil thing he can do 2 help, which is smth he Always wants to do. he also stress bakes tho so sometimes his bfs have 2 just kinda like check in n make sure he’s doing okay. but! yeah baking is smth he enjoys + is relatively good at!!

-

William/Mallick dynamic:

yr right I haven’t thought abt this dynamic much but I Am Now!!!

I feel like at his core, William is def a caretaker. Mallick, 2 me, is someone who is just wholly unfamiliar w being cared for. so like, at the Very Least, they’re both dating Adam + Lawrence, right? they spend a lot of time around each other. plenty enough time fr William 2 pick up on this. it just kinda. makes his heart hurt, bc he sees the unease in Mallick’s eyes every time one of thm performs even th smallest acts of kindness fr him - not bc he doesn’t appreciate it/doesn’t want it, but because it’s more that he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. n William Sees That and is just like. I Need U To Know You’re Loved.

they’re comfortable w each other, of course they are! they’re friends, good friends, who happen 2 be dating th same people! who go to bed together at night n wake up w each other in th morning. it’s love, they know tht, but Mallick still always looks so surprised when William makes waffles fr him fr breakfast. William cares.

n Mallick can kinda feel it, and he’s not resistant 2 it, but he’s definitely on edge abt it a little. but William also just has this air abt him that Mallick finds it hard to stay keyed up in, so it doesn’t rly take long fr Mallick to at least be at peace w William’s attention. but the moment he starts to really fathom it is during one of those days he can’t get himself 2 relax n is just shaking out on the couch, knees drawn up to his chest n his arm wrapped around thm, just kinda staring down at th carpet n just Not having the energy to get himself out of his own head. Lawrence + Adam r at work n Eric is taking a quick nap so it’s just Mallick n William.

so Mallick is sitting there spiraling n his breaths r coming out a little fast n William just sits down beside him, a mug of warm tea tht he sets down on th coffee table fr a moment, n he just rests a hand on Mallick’s shoulder. doesn’t say anything, just sort of like. offers tht bridge, opens tht avenue. n Mallick is like This Close to just breaking entirely, but what rly does it is when William just swipes his thumb over his shoulder n squeezes. n Mallick rly DOES break down, almost ugly-sobbing and wheezing, n somehow he ends up w his face in William’s neck, pretty much curled into his side, n tht’s when it truly hits him how much William cares abt him too. tht there are Several People who hold tht kind of room fr him in their hearts n lives. William didn’t even have 2 say anything fr Mallick to understand that, to know it as truth. n tht’s like, one of th events tht actually leads Mallick to building up tht self-esteem, knowing that.

n after tht happens, Mallick is a little less reluctant abt accepting William’s (+ everyone else’s!) help, at least some of the time. like Mallick will catch himself digging his fingers a lil too harshly into th stump of his arm (I’m w u on 10 Pints resulting in at least a partial amputation - like what was tht little scar in 3D???) n then he’ll feel William’s hand cover his n gently curl around his palm 2 be like “I’m not gonna say anything, but I see you, it’s okay,” n his grip relaxes. Eric will notice he’s working himself up too much n he’ll reach out n take one of his hands while he’s pacing + laces their fingers together so tht Mallick has to pause a moment n then he’s able to breathe. Lawrence stumbles across him in th midst of a panic attack n Mallick finds himself breathing easier when Lawrence takes one of his hands, places it over his chest + his heart, n breathes w him. Adam holds him when he jolts awake frm a nightmare. lil things like tht.

one of their fave things to help them both de-stress is they’ll lay in bed n William will read out loud to Mallick, who has his head on his chest n is listening but doesn’t have to put too much energy into keeping up, bc it’s mostly abt being close + having smth to fill the silence tht neither of them feel particularly comfortable in anymore. sometimes Mallick falls asleep n it honestly makes William rly happy bc not only is Mallick relaxed enough to actually close his eyes, he also trusts William enough to fall asleep around him, trusts him during a time he’s at his most vulnerable. it’s not uncommon fr Lawrence to get home frm work to find th two of them curled up against th pillows, sometimes both asleep or just Mallick while William continues reading silently and brushes his fingers thru Mallick’s hair. Adam def has a pic of them like tht somewhere, hung up on th cork board Art had bought specifically fr those kinds of photos. it’s smth easy tht doesn’t really require much energy + has the added bonus of just being close to n held by someone u love n who loves u.

and they help each other. sometimes William has a rly hard time looking at himself, the days where his guilt sits heavy in his chest n doesn’t seem 2 want to anywhere, n Mallick will just sit w him outside on th porch swing and just Be There bc it’s like. “I’m here, I want to b here, Jigsaw was wrong, you are not a terrible person, u did what u could w what u had and I love you,” in a single action. I think William also struggles, like u’ve mentioned tht Eric does, w th guilt of what happened + feeling like it was his fault. so Mallick sitting w him, their shoulders brushing, fr William it’s like, if he was truly as awful a person as John seemed 2 think he was, wld Mallick be this close? wld Mallick willingly lay down beside him some nights n kiss him good morning? wld he kiss him again on th cheek after he makes a fresh pot of coffee + pancakes? n William knows tht Mallick wouldn’t keep himself so close if John was right, so it’s like. proof of tht. n tht means a lot to William. sometimes tht’s all he needs.

they don’t have 2 deal w their struggles alone. they’re both surrounded by ppl who love them n want to see them do well - it’s only natural they feel tht way abt each other, too.

[jam-is-my-food]

writing asks. all of them. ( for 50 uhh just write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you </3 )

fUCK YOU NESSIE

THAT’S IT IM DOING IT JUST TO SPITE YOU

this is gonna be long asf click keep reading at risk of death or boredom

1.     Do you listen to music when you write?

not usually, it's distracting

 2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?

naturally pantser but if i wanna actually finish smth i gotta plot it hh

 3.     Computer or pen and paper?

computer i'm not a boOmer /j i so am

 4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

bitch i wiSh

actually technically i was published in this anthology thing once? and i think i have a piece in a magazine somewhere on the internet i forget those are cool

but yeah bye getting a novel published is my d r e a m (gotta write a novel first tho lawl)

 5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

n o t  m u c h

unless i get one of my bUrsts aka finishing a 2.3K almoons chapter before 8am the other week after procrastinating it for like two months 

but yeah jdsghliuedskj it um depends often none

 6.     Single or multiple POV?

i answered that for kiri so i'll just copy paste it over loll

mmm it depends. usually i do single? but i do do multiple occasionally. i almost never do alternating chapters, though, it’s usually more like part one is narrated by person a, part two person b etc.

 7.     Standalone or series?

baha like i could ever write a series (please, please be jinxing yourself rn refster) aside from that one trilogy when i was 7 but uh yeah atm just standalones but a series would be so cool in future 

 8.     Oldest WIP

the aforementioned trilogy. chronicles of clara. it is incREDIBLE. 10/10. so good. so, so good.

 9.     Current WIP

i haven't actually mentioned it on tumblr yet but hehehe it's called the wordweaver's apprentice it's fantasy and i'm v excited about it :DD that was ooc but :DD

 10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

(also answered for kiri, copy-pasting over)

hahahahhahahuhdkjashdglauhsdaugediuskjlkehdsgihkdskhgdkjx

i? try?

it does not go well?

but then i never finish my projects?

send help pls im dying

11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

lmao the list is too long

 12.  Describe your perfect writing space

somewhere w/o distractions

 13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

hm. idea. that's cool. that's cool. write it down. hype myself up. forget about it within a week.

el em mayo

but like

f r LMAO

okay but fr fr idk i don't usually finish stuff but it'd be idea, brainstorm, plot (sort of), write, agonize, write, finish, throw in the other direction and never touch again bc revision whos she

 14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

cry and spam my friends

 15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

i don’t - mm. i don’t tend to get writer’s block? or like - idk what to classify as writer’s block? bc sometimes i get blocked for a certain story, but then i get really into like poetry or sum for a week so it’s fine idk

 16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

o n e as i said i don't - revision is a no

 17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

uHhHhhhhh idk???

 18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

*laughs in gfc*

 19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?

i don't. if you have any ideas please hmu i need it.

 20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

m a n y.

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?

mmmmmmmmm i love cass i haven't written her in too long but i think she's probably my most well-done character to date and i'm so proud of her badkghewiludkjs

 22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?

c y i l l

though possible imeini (ship name needs revision) in future we shall see (from twa) (the aforementioned newish wip)

 23.  Favourite author

there are Many

 24.  Favourite genre to write and read

fantasy maybe? ooh dystopia is fun

 25.  Favourite part of writing

everything about it when i'm motivated hh, my problem is getting more motivation

 26.  Favourite writing program

oh idk huh?

27.  Favourite line/scene

idk?

 28.  Favourite side character

j o o s t

 29.  Favourite villain

i def have one but i forget

 30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

too many

31.  Least favourite part of writing

motivating myself :/

 32.  Most difficult character to write

mmmm i'm not really in the throes of a wip atm so idk

 33.  Have you ever killed a main character?

yessir

 34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

drunk will was surprisingly difficult in a fun way. def not the hardest but yeah

 35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

god idk

36.  Last sentence you wrote

And then Mei was gone, and in the space that she'd filled, Imani whispered, "I wish I was like you."

 37.  First sentence or your current WIP

It is said that when we came to this stretch of Tatys land, it was empty.

38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

mm there was one about anthropomorphic chickens battling sentient fruits, the fruits in question also being six-year olds

 39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

s e e  a b o v e

 40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

cass's mom used to have a drug problem & she would leave her alone for long stretches of time, she went to rehab and is now sober but it's where cass gets her abandonment issues from

41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

just write! no one taught me how to do anything, and there's no rules per se, aside from basic grammatical stuff. do what you wanna do, don't worry about others' reactions. this is cliche asf but true.

 42.  How do you feel about love triangles?

mostly gross, but they can be good.

 43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

adapt. i  g o  w i t h  t h e  f l o w.

 44.  How much research do you do?

not much usually, depends on the genre of story. i do as much as i feel i need to. and ofc i have the random writer search history.

 45.  How much world building do you do?

in the past, not much. twa (once again my new wip) is fantasy, though, so i' m attempting to remedy that.

 46.  Do you reread your own stories?

i do! it's fun to look back at them after a few years and see how much i've improved.

 47.  Best way to procrastinate

random character headcanons/doodle writey spurt thingies

 48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

bAHA this one scene in the cHrOniCLeS of cLaRa book two when this girl lisa who was 100% self-insert got annoyed at her little sister daisy (sister-insert) for chewing too loudly and then proceeded to use her wAtEr pOwErs to like flood the house. that part was less self-insert.

 49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

bye that's so hard. c a d m u s & l a u r e n t tho cinnamon rolls are liFE.

 50.  Write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you

i don't gotta write my own bitch i have everything i need to plagiarize from right here

"Raver-Lampman’s enthusiasm is contagious. So is her laugh. It comes from deep inside, just like her voice, and it rings out — ricocheting off furniture and walls. Her head is shaved, all except for a distinctive swath of tight curls on the top and left side of her head. She has the tiniest septum ring in her nose, and a tattoo of what looks like a musical note behind her right ear."

- the clearly gay jessica belt

thank you for the ASKS darLING and thank you if you read this idk why or whether you're okay but yup

[taones]

HI HI BABEBSBEBBSB hhe here to claim da spot! I'm 5'2 and non binary (but prefer he/him), and i have freckles and a shaved head (i plan to make it a mullet fr)! i'm really loud with people im comfy with and make friends quite easy. I stay up really late for no reason at all,, and blast my music super loud all the time.... I dress alt, in all black, platforms, chains, totally dont have a jacket that says acab,, so i look really scary but im not (if you need anything more,, ive got you babes) <333

I Ship You With...Tanaka

DUDE I AM GONNA WRITE SO MUCH FOR THIS CAUSE YOU’RE MY SPOUSE AND I SHIP YOU WITH ME FIRST

Tanaka adores you honestly, he loves that you have interesting hair and would totally help you pick out any styles or colours you want. You’re both loud and excitable which I think he would appreciate in a relationship cause you can actually keep up with him and be passionate about things together. The fact that  you can make friends with the rest of the team so easily is important to him as well. Lowkey stays up as let as you do but will whine until you at least go to bed cause he's likes that.  Playing music loudly is like his thing and he would totally buy you new speakers and stuff just so you can blast it around the house. Your style? AMAZING. Ryu really loves the way you dress especially cause people view you as a delinquent couple and he finds it so cool to have a partner as intimidating as him (that’s actually a massive sweetheart). 

okie, going off road now. The fact you’re so supportive and message just to check up would make him so soft honestly. There is no way you’re gonna do that and not break him out of whatever mood he is in, it also gives him ana excuse to yell about you some more to his friends. Also put some of that banging eyeliner on him I dare you babes

[dollsorwhatever]

Disney Bloodbath

Today was a very, very exhausting day lmfao  Long semi-interesting doll story and pictures of the new LE Ariel under the cut!

I stayed up all night waiting for Disney Store to list the new Limited Edition Ariel doll online, which usually happens at midnight PST (3am my time), but she never showed up lmfao. I guess they’ve recently changed the launch time to 7am PST (10am my time) for the newer dolls, but rather than risking the chance of losing her online (and worried about defects) I decided I didn’t need to sleep and instead would go to the mall at seven AM with my mom, wait for them to open the doors, and then sit outside of the Disney Store until they opened at ten. So... three hours of literally standing there doing basically nothing but waiting for Disney to open the door lmfao.  I actually snuck into the mall through the service entrance but was caught by security, and they had me wait outside of the mall until they actually opened the doors, then I could go wait at DS until they opened lol I’d never actually purchased an LE doll directly from a Disney Store location so I was really confused about how to do everything, but the 3 people waiting with me were pretty helpful-basically you go to the front of the closed-up Disney Store and line up, then once the store opens the employee will tell you what they have in stock and then give each person a ticket, reserving their items for them (starting at the front of the line, so first come first serve), and then you just go to the register once the store opens, give them the ticket and they sell you the doll. Apparently it’s sometimes different for Designer Dolls (they’ve done right-to-buy lotteries a few times) but the ticket system is always done with the 17′‘ dolls.  Ofc I didn’t know about the line thing until after two people had already started the line, putting me in third place and...wow, what luck lmfao.  Lady finally comes out after two hours of standing at the entrance to tell us how many they have of each doll. They had two Vanessa dolls, and the two people in front of me just happened to want her as well lol so I was fucked with Vanessa (they only made 2000 of her, half of which were for Europe, meaning the US only got 1000 dolls for the entire country-yikes), but they had eight Ariel dolls and one was reserved for me (I almost had my mom get another one for me too but I didn’t want to be greedy, there were like ten other people behind us by the time the store opened) I was a little sad about Vanessa, but I only decided I wanted her, like, yesterday, so I wasn’t invested in her enough yet to really care so I laughed it off and took my Ariel. Plus I already had a list of other dolls I wanted from the DS so I knew I’d end up with a pretty good haul lol. I’ve decided to just pay the scalper prices for Vanessa for Christmas since I really do want her, but she can wait! After picking and purchasing my Ariel I decided to go with the new Ariel and Her Sisters mini doll set because they’re soooo well designed and detailed, and I have a huge thing for both mini dolls and mermaids. Also I still regret never getting the Wreck it Ralph Princess set when ti wasn’t 300$ and figured this would soften the blow lol And then I looked around at the Animators dolls, since I had Moana and the new Rapunzel and Ariel dolls on my list, but Ariel looked crosseyed in person and all of the Rapunzels had really thin hair, so I passed on them and went with something else that I’d been eyeing for a little bit.  Don’t laugh at me it’s SUCH a silly purchase lol

Baby Rapunzel!! Okay, it’s not really that dumb, because she’s fucking adorable but I really have no use for a literal baby doll and a crib, logically speaking lol. But I’ve wanted a doll of this scene since Tangled had first come out, and this is the best baby Rapunzel ever done. Look at her lively little face! And her thick shiny hair!! The detailed little crib! UGH she’s even cuter than in the movie. HER EARS ARE BLUSHED TOO OMG

Oh also she was 80$ so...yeah SILLY My only disappointment with her is that she’s like a baby doll baby doll, like her body is plush with a vinyl head, arms and legs, when I assumed she was all vinyl. Kind of weird and makes it really hard to style her hair when she’s flopping around, but she’s fucking adorable sooooo idgaf But back to the doll that has now deprived me of 42 hours of sleep, Ariel!

I love her so much, I’ve been impatiently waiting for Disney to replace her old 17′’ head sculpt with something new, with a new screening, and they finally delivered this year! I took like, two pictures of her freshly deboxed and mint before I did my usual blasphemy and stripped her down for some hair styling:

Miss Fish, who do you think you are, coming into MY HOUSE with crunchy ass hair like that?? Some tidbits about her outfit- the jewelry is all metal, you need to remove her hands to get off the (gorgeous) bracelets, and the halter on her bra doesn’t have a clasp- I had to undo the chain to remove it, but the connector rings are pretty large so it was easy as hell and I put it right back together once I took it off. The back of the actual bra fastens with velcro, though.  And the flower ornament? demonic. It has strings of pearls hanging down, done with clear thread to make the pearls look like they’re just stuck in her hair I guess. Whatever, it was tied into her hair in several sections and I literally pulled off all of the pearls to remove it, and I’m gonna add a clip to the flower to use on it’s own. They also did some tweaks to the 17′’ body, though I’m not sure when this happened- the elbows have improved articulation as a result of them shaving off the back of the elbows a little more, making them less like Barbie Fashionista arms and more like Pivotal or FR arms. I’ve also noticed this change on the 12′’ dolls, so that’s great.  The upper leg joints look slightly different too, but Idk if that’ss my imagination. I haven’t tried to make her sit so I truly don’t know.  And I really really need to talk about these HANDS. They’re so beautiful. Gone are the ugly graceless hands of the old dolls, say hello to these beautifully sculpted hands (though Vanessa still annoyingly has the old hands lol):

Now all they need to do is get rid of those HIDEOUS hinged knees, replace them with pivotal knees and give the body some better feet- I hate the articulated feet on this body, they’re MINISCULE and have the ugliest shape. Please Disney save the lower half of this body!! After about five seconds of enjoying her stock look, I stripped her down and washed her hair:

I really need to know how they made her hair so crinkly and frizzy, because the natural texture is clearly a smooth, soft wave. I don’t know if this makes me a fake fan, but I actually despise Ariel’s bangs, especially on dolls. They’re IMPOSSIBLE to keep organized, especially with nylon hair, and I wish they left it all long instead of doing the bangs.  Luckily, they actually do look pretty nice on this doll and I’m certain I can make them look good even when they’re dry.  This is how she’s looking right now, while I’m letting her hair dry. Will likely flat iron it some but I’m really shocked and pleased with how nicely it washed out:

And once again showing off those stunning hands. I love them so much.  I’m tired, I’m hungry and I am very broke now, but I’m very happy and proud of myself for pushing so hard to get this doll and the adorable baby Rapunzel, along with the Ariel And Her Sisters set.   Definitely need one of the Vanessa dolls next month, and perhaps even the D23 Ariel because I hate myself lol.  Hope ya’ll enjoyed the longest post in the history of mankind!

[swampusplanet]

@d-o-t-s

             SHREK

                                      Written by

                               William Steig & Ted Elliott

                                    SHREK                         Once upon a time there was a lovely                         princess. But she had an enchantment                         upon her of a fearful sort which could                         only be broken by love's first kiss.                         She was locked away in a castle guarded                         by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.                         Many brave knights had attempted to                         free her from this dreadful prison,                         but non prevailed. She waited in the                         dragon's keep in the highest room of                         the tallest tower for her true love                         and true love's first kiss. (laughs)                         Like that's ever gonna happen. What                         a load of - (toilet flush)

              Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his               day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go               after the ogre.

              NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME

                                    MAN1                         Think it's in there?

                                    MAN2                         All right. Let's get it!

                                    MAN1                         Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that                         thing can do to you?

                                    MAN3                         Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's                         bread.

              Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.

                                    SHREK                         Yes, well, actually, that would be a                         giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse.                         They'll make a suit from your freshly                         peeled skin.

                                    MEN                         No!

                                    SHREK                         They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the                         jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's                         quite good on toast.

                                    MAN1                         Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!                         (waves the torch at Shrek.)

              Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The               men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long               and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the               men are in the dark.

                                    SHREK                         This is the part where you run away.                         (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.)                         And stay out! (looks down and picks                         up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted.                         Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and                         throws the paper over his shoulder.)

              THE NEXT DAY

              There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard               sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures               to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line               are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto               who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three               little pigs.

                                    GUARD                         All right. This one's full. Take it                         away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Next!

                                    GUARD                         (taking the witch's broom) Give me that!                         Your flying days are over. (breaks the                         broom in half)

                                    HEAD GUARD                         That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch.                         Next!

                                    GUARD                         Get up! Come on!

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Twenty pieces.

                                    LITTLE BEAR                         (crying) This cage is too small.

                                    DONKEY                         Please, don't turn me in. I'll never                         be stubborn again. I can change. Please!                         Give me another chance!

                                    OLD WOMAN                         Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope)

                                    DONKEY                         Oh!

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Next! What have you got?

                                    GIPETTO                         This little wooden puppet.

                                    PINOCCHIO                         I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his                         nose grows)

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Five shillings for the possessed toy.                         Take it away.

                                    PINOCCHIO                         Father, please! Don't let them do this!                         Help me!

              Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up               to the table.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Next! What have you got?

                                    OLD WOMAN                         Well, I've got a talking donkey.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings,                         if you can prove it.

                                    OLD WOMAN                         Oh, go ahead, little fella.

              Donkey just looks up at her.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Well?

                                    OLD WOMAN                         Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little                         nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox.                         Talk, you boneheaded dolt...

                                    HEAD GUARD                         That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

                                    OLD WOMAN                         No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends                         to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to                         talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing                         you ever saw.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Get her out of my sight.

                                    OLD WOMAN                         No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

              The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One               of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's               hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled               with fairy dust and he's able to fly.

                                    DONKEY                         Hey! I can fly!

                                    PETER PAN                         He can fly!

                                    3 LITTLE PIGS                         He can fly!

                                    HEAD GUARD                         He can talk!

                                    DONKEY                         Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm                         a flying, talking donkey. You might                         have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly                         but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey                         fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins                         to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink                         to the ground.)

              He hits the ground with a thud.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.)                         After him!

                                    GUARDS                         He's getting away! Get him! This way!                         Turn!

              Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally.               Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared               for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He               quickly hides behind Shrek.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         You there. Ogre!

                                    SHREK                         Aye?

                                    HEAD GUARD                         By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized                         to place you both under arrest and transport                         you to a designated resettlement facility.

                                    SHREK                         Oh, really? You and what army?

              He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well               and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail               and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and               begins walking back to his cottage.

                                    DONKEY                         Can I say something to you? Listen,                         you was really, really, really somethin'                         back here. Incredible!

                                    SHREK                         Are you talkin' to...(he turns around                         and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back                         around and Donkey is right in front                         of him.) Whoa!

                                    DONKEY                         Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell                         you that you that you was great back                         here? Those guards! They thought they                         was all of that. Then you showed up,                         and bam! They was trippin' over themselves                         like babes in the woods. That really                         made me feel good to see that.

                                    SHREK                         Oh, that's great. Really.

                                    DONKEY                         Man, it's good to be free.

                                    SHREK                         Now, why don't you go celebrate your                         freedom with your own friends? Hmm?

                                    DONKEY                         But, uh, I don't have any friends. And                         I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey,                         wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll                         stick with you. You're mean, green,                         fightin' machine. Together we'll scare                         the spit out of anybody that crosses                         us.

              Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very               loudly.

                                    DONKEY                         Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you                         don't mind me sayin', if that don't                         work, your breath certainly will get                         the job done, 'cause you definitely                         need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause                         you breath stinks! You almost burned                         the hair outta my nose, just like the                         time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey                         continues to talk, so Shrek removes                         his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten                         berries. I had strong gases leaking                         out of my butt that day.

                                    SHREK                         Why are you following me?

                                    DONKEY                         I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause                         I'm all alone, There's no one here beside                         me, My problems have all gone, There's                         no one to deride me, But you gotta have                         faith...

                                    SHREK                         Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't                         have any friends.

                                    DONKEY                         Wow. Only a true friend would be that                         cruelly honest.

                                    SHREK                         Listen, little donkey. Take a look at                         me. What am I?

                                    DONKEY                         (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really                         tall?

                                    SHREK                         No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your                         torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that                         bother you?

                                    DONKEY                         Nope.

                                    SHREK                         Really?

                                    DONKEY                         Really, really.

                                    SHREK                         Oh.

                                    DONKEY                         Man, I like you. What's you name?

                                    SHREK                         Uh, Shrek.

                                    DONKEY                         Shrek? Well, you know what I like about                         you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me                         thing. I like that. I respect that,                         Shrek. You all right. (They come over                         a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.)                         Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live                         in place like that?

                                    SHREK                         That would be my home.

                                    DONKEY                         Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful.                         You know you are quite a decorator.                         It's amazing what you've done with such                         a modest budget. I like that boulder.                         That is a nice boulder. I guess you                         don't entertain much, do you?

                                    SHREK                         I like my privacy.

                                    DONKEY                         You know, I do too. That's another thing                         we have in common. Like I hate it when                         you got somebody in your face. You've                         trying to give them a hint, and they                         won't leave. There's that awkward silence.                         (awkward silence) Can I stay with you?

                                    SHREK                         Uh, what?

                                    DONKEY                         Can I stay with you, please?

                                    SHREK                         (sarcastically) Of course!

                                    DONKEY                         Really?

                                    SHREK                         No.

                                    DONKEY                         Please! I don't wanna go back there!                         You don't know what it's like to be                         considered a freak. (pause while he                         looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do.                         But that's why we gotta stick together.                         You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

                                    SHREK                         Okay! Okay! But one night only.

                                    DONKEY                         Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage)

                                    SHREK                         What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto                         a chair.) No! No!

                                    DONKEY                         This is gonna be fun! We can stay up                         late, swappin' manly stories, and in                         the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.

                                    SHREK                         Oh!

                                    DONKEY                         Where do, uh, I sleep?

                                    SHREK                         (irritated) Outside!

                                    DONKEY                         Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean,                         I don't know you, and you don't know                         me, so I guess outside is best, you                         know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek                         slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do                         like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was                         born outside. I'll just be sitting by                         myself outside, I guess, you know. By                         myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's                         no one here beside me...

              SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT

              Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights               a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a               noise. He stands up with a huff.

                                    SHREK                         (to Donkey) I thought I told you to                         stay outside.

                                    DONKEY                         (from the window) I am outside.

              There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that               made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns               and spots 3 blind mice on his table.

[pacifymebby]

Okay so I’m back from the date/hanging out and it was amazing! I didn’t make a fool of myself and he held my hand the entire time and didn’t let me fall down. So he’s definitely got sds energy he kept doing the like the hottest thing which was unbuckling my seatbelt for me??? Like idk why it was hot but it was really hot! And then we ended up making out on the beach lol. He just keeps calling me cute under his breath and I’m like 😭 stooooop my poor little heart can’t take it. But then we ended up going back to his place and walking his dog and he said he’s gonna have to get used to walking the dog and holding hands at the same time and now I’m like 🥹 because like that means he wants to do that with me more.

And now for the grand finale! We didn’t end up having full on sex sex but we did go further than making out. And he made me feel so comfortable it was so sweet omg. He really does respect me and I dont know how I got so lucky! Like tmi but he asked if I wanted to go further and I said yes and I asked what he wanted to do and the first thing he says is I could give you head… lord have mercy who sent this man down from the heavens? I didn’t ended up agreeing to that though because I was too self conscious for it. I’m a little lost when it comes to grooming down there??? Do guys mind if you’re not like clean shaven?? But yeah for a first time I wasn’t as self conscious as I though I’d be so that was nice and he seemed to be into the same kinda stuff I am so that’s good. I definitely think I shocked him tho because I pulled out some groupie-like stops so thank you very much for that. Like for real I did the whole sucking his fingers thing like I’m pretty sure she’s done I think his soul left his body. Fr tho I’ve probably said too much already you probably don’t want to know all this 💀 But like really I feel like reading the groupie has prepared me for so much lol.

Oh my godddd bestie, angel, lovely this is all just soooo cute I'm dying reading these updates!!!fucking hell tho people doing up/undoing your seat belt for you kills me, I actually wish B would do this more often haha

That thing about walking the dog and holding ur hand is adorable, how did u not just die I'd literally have dropped dead on the spot. Who is this man he is doing the Lords work and all other men need to take notes.

And omg no that's not tmi at all!!!! Litterally tell me anything/everything it's totally cool with me.

Nah idk the whole shaving thing still gets me and I have no idea what men actually like because I think it's a personal preference thing? But like, don't feel like you need to shave if you're not comfortable with it?

I'll be totally honest here and say that I mostly just trim mine? Like I shave mine in like just more than a bikini style? Kinda like this middle one?

And I tend to keep the actual hair around my actual "area" (lol) shaven/short. But I wouldn't rec shaving EVERYTHING because the razorburn/growing back can be grim and like, not remotely worth it.

I think that like, I've asked B about what he likes before and has always just been like "not really up to me is it, it's what you're comfortable with" and tbh I think that's pretty true. Like, the only thing that occasionally happens is when he goes down on me he'll get one of my pubes in his mouth but we always just laugh it off and like, I get his pubes in my mouth sometimes too ya know? It's not really as deep as people make it out to be.

And I'm certain the whole fully shaven thing is only pushed by porn and waxing salons lolll

Also omgggg I can't believe the groupie is inspiring ur real live movess, I'm so proud and also, so proud of u haha, like yess bestie u go out and suck his fingers like a pro ♥️

[mrmedia]

68 A.J. Jacobs, author, "The Year of Living Biblically"

Today's Guest: A.J. Jacobs, author, The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible

Order your copy today by clicking the book cover above

(2007) A.J. Jacobs must have the best magazine job in America. As editor-at-large for Esquire, here are a few examples of recent stories appearing under his byline: • “My Outsourced Life,” detailing his effort to send his writing assignments to India, • “Googling A.J. Jacobs’s Brain,” about his proposed effort to catalogue his thoughts, dreams, and desires “The Sexiest Woman Alive 2005” and “2006,” in which he spent five months teasing readers as to the identities of Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson. And, yes, he was required by law to spend time with each of them, passing off flirtation as research. And then there was his equally painful interview with Eva Longoria of “Desperate Housewives” in which he described each of her body parts in languorous detail. Oh, I could go on and on about the women in his professional life. They also include Mary Louise Parker and Rosario Dawson. But then we’d never get to the reason for this interview, which is to celebrate his hysterical, yet thought-provoking new book, The Year of Living Biblically.

A.J. JACOBS audio excerpt: "I was walking around Manhattan in a white robe and sandals carrying a staff. I didn’t have sheep with me most of the time." 

BOB ANDELMAN/Mr. MEDIA: I have to start by saying I think you’re a friggin’ genius. Not only do you have an inventive new book and a magazine publisher prompting it and promoting it online and in print, but you’ve also found ways within its own text to subtly plug your last book, The Know-It-All. At least -- I counted -- 13 times directly. A.J. JACOBS: Really? Oh, wow, I didn’t realize I was that good. ANDELMAN: Well, it’s easy. Anyone can figure it out. You actually have an index. There’s an index, and you can go through, and you can count. So directly or indirectly, thirteen plugs, and that, to me, as a guy who’s written a few books, I have to say, I think it’s as brilliant as Nick Tosches thanking himself in the acknowledgements to one of his books because, without him, his books wouldn’t have been possible. JACOBS: That’s true. That’s absolutely true. Yeah, well, that’s nice. Maybe I should have a coupon for the first book in The Year of Living Biblically. ANDELMAN: I think that’s the only thing that’s missing. I think it’s great. I think it’s brilliant. How did The Year of Living Biblically come about? JACOBS: It came about because I grew up in an incredibly secular home. As I say in the book, I am Jewish but in the same way the Olive Garden is Italian. So not very Jewish at all. And I actually thought that religion was gonna wither away, and we’d all live in this sort of scientific world. But, of course, that didn’t happen, and so I became fascinated with was I missing something by not having a spiritual life? But was I missing something essential to being human like someone who’s never heard Beethoven? Or was half the world deluded? So I decided to dive in head first cause that’s what I like to do. So I dive in head first to try to understand the Bible, this most influential book in the world. And I thought the best way to do it would be try to actually get inside the minds of the ancient people and get in the sandals of my forefathers. ANDELMAN: And you did this how? JACOBS: Well, I read the Bible, and I compiled a list of every suggestion, every rule, every commandment in the Bible. And by the end, my list was 72 pages, over 700 rules. Everything from the Ten Commandments we all know, all the famous ones, no lying, no coveting, but it also had dozens, hundreds of obscure rules like don’t wear clothes with mixed fibers and don’t, well, stone adulterers, for instance. So I wanted to try to follow every single one of those. So just commit myself completely to this project. So that’s what I did. ANDELMAN: Now, I’m definitely, I’m about as close to agnostic as you are, as you were at least. Moses had 613 rules that he brought down, didn’t he? JACOBS: Right. ANDELMAN: But you actually got over 700. JACOBS: Well, I included sections of the Bible including the Proverbs, which have a lot to say about, for instance, laziness. So I couldn’t be lazy anymore. The Proverbs don’t like naps very much so it was unfortunate I couldn’t take naps all year. So I included other sections of the Bible in addition to the five books of Moses. ANDELMAN: The thing that struck me reading was that this research must have affected a lot more people than just you. Particularly, your wife comes to mind. JACOBS: My wife is a saint. That is true. I won’t deny it. Yeah, it was the most extreme makeover of my life. It affected every single part so the way I ate, the way I talked, the way I dressed, and the way I touched my wife. So she was very patient. I’m glad that we’re still married.

  ANDELMAN: And you literally did change the way that you touched your wife. There were times where she was considered impure by the Bible. JACOBS: That’s right. ANDELMAN: Which meant not just not touching her, you couldn’t sit where she sat. JACOBS: Right. There’s a section of the Bible, if you take it literally, that says you cannot sit where an impure woman has sat, which ruled out pretty much every chair, and in New York, you’ve got the subways, the buses. And my wife, as revenge, she didn’t like that rule so she sat on every chair in our apartment so I was reduced to doing a lot of standing. ANDELMAN: And then you actually found a portable chair, right? JACOBS: I did. I carried around a chair, a little pure chair for the subways. ANDELMAN: Now, who else was affected by this project? People you work with, perhaps? Your son? JACOBS: Yeah, people I work with. You mentioned Rosario Dawson. There was a little conflict between my work life where I work for Esquire, a men’s magazine. I like to think it’s a high-brow men’s magazine, but it’s still a men’s magazine. So interviewing Rosario Dawson while trying to obey the Bible’s rules about lusting, that was not an easy one. I had to do the interview without looking at her. ANDELMAN: You were in the same room, though. JACOBS: Oh, yeah. I just avoided eye contact. ANDELMAN: Uh-huh. And how did Rosario feel about this? JACOBS: Rosario was actually very understanding. I had a huge beard like this hedgehog on my face, and she actually said that, she was one of the few people who said she actually liked the beard. ANDELMAN: Well, of course, at that point, wasn’t she just coming off working with Kevin Smith? JACOBS: That’s right. Yeah. So she was used to it. ANDELMAN: Were there other assignments that were affected by the beard and the whole practice? JACOBS: Well, I did an assignment on the Bible for Esquire so that was one. But, yeah, it was the clash between the way we live now in the 21st century and the way they lived then. It’s all I see now. I was walking around Manhattan in a white robe and sandals carrying a staff. I didn’t have sheep with me most of the time. ANDELMAN: Most of the time. JACOBS: Most of the time. Well, I did go on a number of adventures because I wanted to immerse myself with people who live biblically or took the Bible literally in some way. So I did go to Israel, and I did spend the day shepherding sheep, which was one of the most, the greatest experiences of my book. ANDELMAN: Now, there was also Uncle Gil. JACOBS: Right. My family has an interesting religious background because most of us are very secular, but my ex-uncle, a man formerly married to my aunt, is probably the most religious person in the world. He’s been through every major religion. He was a born-again Christian. He was a Buddhist. He was a Hindu cult leader. And now he’s an Orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. ANDELMAN: In any of that time, I kept wondering, did he do Amway? JACOBS: I didn’t see that in his autobiography, but he’d be good. ANDELMAN: It’s a really interesting book to read, partly because it’s funny, but it’s also very thought provoking, as I said earlier. Myself, I’ve always been much less of a religious person and more of a Ten Commandments guy. I always thought, if you needed guiding principles in life, the Ten Commandments seemed to boil down pretty well to the basics of being a good person. JACOBS: Right. ANDELMAN: But, I wondered, now that you’ve finished the book, what elements of your year continue with you? JACOBS: Well, it’s interesting because the book did change me in a hundred different ways, big and small. There is humor in the book, I hope, but that’s only part of it. I really was fascinated with religion, and I wanted to see what, if anything, I was missing. So there are things that I found about religion that I’ve kept even after my year. I don’t stone adulterers anymore, but I… ANDELMAN: Thank God. JACOBS: Yeah, thank God. I definitely, the Bible gave me a sense of gratefulness because there’s a lot of talk about thanking in the Bible, which I think it’s really important to remember the hundred things that go right in a day instead of focusing on the three or four things that go wrong. So it really helped me in that. And one of the other lessons I learned is that by acting with almost a “fake it till you make it” approach because I was acting like a moral person. I was not coveting. I was not lying. I was trying not to gossip. And, if you do that, you slowly become a slightly better person. I’m not Angelina Jolie or Gandhi, but I feel that by committing yourself to acting, pretending that you’re a good person, you actually become a better person. ANDELMAN: Now, have you had that confirmed by other people? JACOBS: That I’m a better person? ANDELMAN: Yeah. JACOBS: Well, my wife thinks I’m a better person now that I shaved my beard

A.J. Jacobs, Before A.J. Jacobs, After

ANDELMAN: What are you especially glad to be done with from that year? A.J. JACOBS: Well, it was a very intense year so it was hard to, for instance, completely cut out lying, to be totally honest, all the time. It’s a radical life change. And I think it’s good not to. I think I learned that I should lie less. But there were times where it was just exhausting because I have a three-year-old kid, and you can’t tell him, “Uh, sorry, the TV’s broken”. You have to say, “No, you can’t watch TV because I don’t want you to,” and so there’s screaming, there’s crying, and he gets upset too. ANDELMAN: I think at one point he wanted a bagel, and you tried to convince him it was an English muffin. No, your wife convinced him it was an English muffin, and you just couldn’t do that. JACOBS: Right. He wanted a bagel. We didn’t have bagels. We only had an English muffin. So she wanted me to say, “Hey, here’s a bagel,” and give him the muffin, but I felt I had to tell him the truth. And it backfired in a massive way. ANDELMAN: Has your year of living biblically changed the way that you will raise him? JACOBS: It has. It has. One of the interesting things is the Bible talks a lot about how the God of the Bible has mercy, but also He has sternness. So I was a pushover dad. I was no backbone, say yes to everything. But I’m trying to be a little more like the God of the Bible where I have a balance between the mercy and the toughness. ANDELMAN: I have to tell you that, of all the things in the book, the one that stopped me dead and made me scratch my head a little bit, I hope you laugh about this, but it was that your son could only watch TV while he was eating. That just really stuck with me. JACOBS: You like that? ANDELMAN: I thought that was interesting. It was the thing that we used to do. We used to let my daughter watch TV while she was eating, but then we noticed that eating was taking an hour to 90 minutes. JACOBS: That is exactly the problem I have. I know. He turns it into like a five-course French meal. ANDELMAN: I know that’s kind of off-topic, but that was the thing that really… I’ll remember that for a while. JACOBS: I wish the Bible had more specific commands about television and when kids should watch it. ANDELMAN: Since you mention that, you did keep working on your Powerbook, which I don’t recall seeing mentioned in any versions of the Bible or even the Torah. JACOBS: Some of the time I actually tried to live like they lived 3,000, 2,000 years ago with the robe, or I wrote a lot by olive oil lamp. But, much of the time, I found if I could just follow the rules strictly then I could do some modern things. There’s no commandment, “Thou shalt not use a Macbook Pro.” So that’s sort of the loophole I found for that. ANDELMAN: Now, one of the unnerving aspects of reading your book, as a writer, again, was the thought of massaging and merging so many versions of the Bible and related texts with so many purported authorities on its content. You have this whole council of people. And then, somehow, you come out of that with expertise yourself, all in less than a year, whereas some of these people have obviously committed their whole lifetimes to this. How did you do that? JACOBS: Well, I’m certainly not the world’s greatest expert on the Bible, but I think I’ve got a unique point of view on it. And, as you say, I had a spiritual advisory board. I had rabbis, ministers, priests, some very liberal, some extremely conservative, and they helped me navigate. But, in the end, one of the goals was to see if I could strip away all the interpretations and get back to what the Bible actually said, what it meant back then, get back to the Biblical bedrock. And I realized that this was Mission: Impossible. I could not do that. The Biblical bedrock is too slippery. You can’t find out what it meant, the original intent was. But it was a fascinating journey, and I learned thousands of things along the way. So I’m glad I did it even if I’ll never know what Moses actually meant with a certain passage. ANDELMAN: Would I be wrong in guessing that the proofreading and copy-editing process might have been a bit of a nightmare? JACOBS: That is true. There were a lot of names that…Methuselah and things. I thank God for the copy editors. ANDELMAN: I was going to ask you if you encountered any editors along the process who did not appreciate the point of view in the book or the interpretation of certain things in the book. JACOBS: Well, I actually thought I would get a lot more flak than I did, and I’m not really sure why I didn’t. Definitely, there are people who don’t approve of my project, but far more people have been accepting of it. And I think that that is because I went in there with an open mind, really trying to understand this incredibly influential book as opposed to going in with an agenda. ANDELMAN: Now, as we’re talking, the book hasn’t officially gone on sale yet. JACOBS: True. ANDELMAN: There’re a few things ahead of us that you don’t know what’s going to happen. But what would surprise you in the months to come as far as the acceptance of the book goes? Would it be, if this hasn’t already happened, would it be if someone wanted to option the book as a movie, would that surprise you? Before you answer that, I’m thinking also you write about going into a Bible bookstore in Manhattan where there was a guy there who was real mellow and real calm. Would it surprise you to walk by there one day in the coming months and see the book in the window, for example? JACOBS: As for the first question, it actually was already optioned as a screenplay by Paramount. ANDELMAN: Good for you. JACOBS: It was actually quite a bizarre process because we optioned the idea, and they wrote the screenplay simultaneously as I was writing the book. And the guy who wrote the screenplay actually finished his screenplay before I finished my book. So I want us to get a hold of the screenplay and see how my year ended. But it’s in development, and things are looking good, but you never know with Hollywood. And as for the bookstore, it is interesting. I’ve gotten a lot of good feedback so far from evangelical Christians who, I don’t agree with a lot of what they say, but I did try to explore their point of view, and they seem to be interested. So I’m hoping the book will appeal to everyone from the Christopher Hitchens-type atheists to the Orthodox Jews, but we’ll see. ANDELMAN: Are you now or do you see yourself becoming a regular at either temple or church at some point? JACOBS: Well, I started the year as an agnostic and, by the end of the year, I don’t want to give away the ending. By the end of the year, I’m still agnostic, but I call myself a reverent agnostic. It’s actually a term a minister friend of mine came up with because, whether or not there’s a God, I do believe there’s something to the idea of sacredness and that rituals can be sacred and the Sabbath can be sacred, and there’s an importance to that, whether or not God exists. ANDELMAN: So you didn’t come back and decide that you wanted to be Jewish, something you had not been really beforehand. JACOBS: Well, I actually am a little more committed than I was. My kid is going to a Jewish school for the first couple of years. I don’t think he’ll continue in a Jewish school the whole way, but it happens to be a block away from our house so that helps. And I like some of the rituals, the Seder, and other things which I just didn’t have when I was growing up. ANDELMAN: A.J., how did this book, the research and preparation for this book, compare to The Know-It-All in which you read the entire encyclopedia? JACOBS: The Know-It-All was definitely an intellectual Everest because I had to read 33,000 pages and 44 million words. And not every single word was fascinating. So, nothing against the Portuguese, but the 25 pages on Portuguese literature, I could’ve done without. So it was a very challenging year, but I think that the Bible was more of a challenge because it affected every single part of my life. So it affected the way I ate, the way I talked, the way I thought, the way I touched my wife. It was a full immersion experiment. ANDELMAN: How do you follow this? To the magazine, of course, you’ve set yourself up as the go-to guy for interviewing the hottest actresses and, with the books, you’re the go-to guy for time intensive big projects. What do you do next? JACOBS: I know. I’m trying to think. My wife thinks I should try eating at every restaurant in New York City. My brother-in-law thinks I should become a eunuch for a year, but I don’t know if that can be a year long project. It’s sort of a lifetime commitment. ANDELMAN: That’s the brother-in-law? JACOBS: Yeah. ANDELMAN: Yeah, that figures, doesn’t it? JACOBS: Yeah. He thinks that would be a good idea. He thinks I have enough kids. I have some ideas, but I haven’t settled on one yet. But I do love the genre, the immersion genre or whatever you want to call it. I just love living these things, and I love reading other people’s books about it cause I think it’s like a memoir with added value. You get to look at someone’s life, but you also get a peek at this fascinating topic. ANDELMAN: Well, it seems like you have a pretty good gig in balancing the occasional book with the magazine visibility and obviously the hot babes. So I have to say I’m sure I’m not the only guy in the business who’s very envious of what you do. But I really enjoyed the book. I’m really glad we had time to talk today. JACOBS: Oh, I had a great time. Thanks, Bob. And envying is a sin, of course. ANDELMAN: Yes, but I’m not keeping to the Good Book. A.J. Jacobs Website • Twitter • Facebook • Esquire • Instagram • YouTube • LinkedIn • Wikipedia • IMDB • Goodreads • Global Family Reunion • Esquire Archives

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