#i think ... thats my limit for away work .... especially this far away and shitty

[ofcowardiceandkings]

truly my inner shaking little ratdog ripping apart slippers is showing through the cracks today lol

already kind of oversocialised and on edge

sad because one of our travelling cohort is leaving today & the supervisor makes me nervous (shes lovely but i always feel like im being annoying) & next week our cohort has an Unknown person and an Annoying person

"woke up" a little later than i wouldve liked because i had a second morning of sleep paralysis bullshit

smashed my cute little cafetière trying to clean it out in a hurry

had a fight locking our accommodation because of the shit key safe

put out my supervisor a bit bc we were late leaving according to her OCD clock (it was fine but i get it)

got sun spray with dust in my eye and mouth

got weird gender-checked in the blokes bogs because i was wearing a scrunchie ("oh this is the mens right?" [me turning with disasterous facial hair and a deeper voice] Yes)

awkward paperwork check session because theyve decided to start that now

get quizzed about a sample i handed off and didnt lose AGAIN

get given a leaving deadline because im always late apparently

want to doodle but brain is fried, ye olde art constipation

the truck we're travelling back in uhhh sucks actually its got fun features but its steering and suspension are awful

travel headache

transphobes being shitty about the olympics, would gladly fist fight them at this point

coffee order is wrong, didnt get my bun, asked for it to be sorted ... get blamed for it by the barista (i didnt know cinnamon bun syrup was a thing) AND overcharged

lose where we are in the car park and accidentally cross in front of another car which was speeding

feel like a tit

still 2 hours left to travel

possibly broken traffic lights ahead of us ???

i want 2 be home like 5 hours ago

[taejikookiee]

🖤 Bloo Scenario🖤

You and Bloo being in a open relationship and him not liking the fact that you flirt with other guys in a club which leads to a confession. 

------------------------------------------------------

You adjusted your hair in the mirror as your friend handed you another shot of soju to down before you headed out. “Is Bloo going to be there tonight?’ (YF/n) asked, “I mean probably when isn’t he out” you scoffed, “I guess you two are still arguing then” your friend laughed, “when aren’t we? He has a stick up his ass about something but he won’t say what and I’m not going to force it out of him” you rolled your eyes before downing the shot, hissing at the familiar burning of your chest. “But we all know who he will be texting tonight when he is drunk” you stated matter of factly. 

You and Bloo had been in an open relationship for months now, it was more of a sexual relationship within a great friendship, we both didn’t like the idea of commitment but enjoyed each others company and were literally the same person so an open relationship was the best way forward. It was beneficial and had been pretty good for both of your for the first 6 months but over the last few weeks Bloo had been getting pissed at literally everything, if you even looked at another guy he would flip his shit and not talk to you. He was the one that suggested an open relationship in the beginning so his newfound jealousy at you interacting with other men just didn’t make sense to you. Either way you were determined to have a good time tonight, work had been hell recently and you needed to let your hair down. 

“Ready?” You asked your friend before picking up your bag and adjusting your silk mini dress. 

————————

The loud bass matched your heartbeat as your downed another shot with your friend egging you own. Being in a somewhat relationship with Bloo meant going out a lot so you could handle your alcohol. The familiar sight of a good friend caused your face to light up, “MILLI!!!!” You hollered wrapping your arms around his neck as he giggled saying hi, you and Wonjae went to high school together so had practically known each other forever and were basically best friends, he was the person who introduced you to Bloo in the first place in fact. 

“Ive missed you cutie” Kid Milli cooed giving you a spin to admire you “I saw you last week” you laughed, you had a flirty personality and everyone knew that but you and Wonjae really pushed the boundary of flirting and everyone found it extremely entertaining to see how far you would push each other, but you both knew the limits. “Like what you see” you winked pushing your boobs together, causing his boys to laugh, “always” he replied kissing you on the cheek. “Drink?” He asked ordering bottles for the table. Little did you know Bloo was standing two tables away sending daggers your way.

 Your friend had found her man of choice for the night so you enjoyed yourself with Milli and his boys who you had met before. You and Wonjae were being your typical goofy pairing and were dancing together until the familiar red hair of Nafla caught your attention meaning Bloo wouldn’t be far behind, Wonjae followed your gaze to see the pretty boy staring in your direction. “still arguing then?” He laughed sipping on his drink as you danced together, “Of course” you muttered rolling your eyes as you saw Bloo move towards you and Kid Milli, you tried to tell your heart to stop beating so fast because you were still mad at him and didn’t want to feel the usual butterflies that seeing Bloo set off in your stomach, “(y/n) can we talk” Bloo mumbled, you looked at Milli pleading with you eyes for him to get you out of this situation, him being his annoying self, sipped his drink, raising his hands “Im leaving you to it” he laughed walking away as you sent daggers into his back. 

“I want to smoke can we do this outside” you suggested picking up your bag and walking away without even acknowledging his answer. You pulled out a cigarette as Bloo did the same as you entered the smoking area outside which was surprisingly empty thankful. “So what did you want to speak about?” You puffed releasing the smoke from your mouth, “I’m sorry” he huffed taking you aback, Bloo wasn’t the type to apologise so easily so you were confused. “sorry for what Bloo? You’ve been in such a shitty mood with me the last few weeks for no reason, if you don’t want to do this anymore then just tell me! We can end it hear before it ruins our friendship aswell” you exclaimed offering him an out as you really didn’t want to ruin your friendship by ending on bad terms because he really was your best friend.

“No, thats not what I want” he responded, “okay well tell me what you want! We can’t keep doing this back and fort of you being angry at me for no reason, then us not talking for a week, me forgiving you without an apology because I have a soft spot for you then us sleeping together when we are drunk! It is not healthy for us!” You were getting frustrated by his lack of explanation. 

“I know, I know.. its just I get so frustrated when I see you with those guys and especially him! Like I know I have no right to be angry that is the nature of out relationship but I want you all to myself and it just gets me so angry to see their hands on you, to see you laugh at their jokes, to see you sharing drinks, FUCK!” He rambled running his hands through his head crouching down, you could tell whatever was annoying his was worse than your normal tiffs by his reaction. You put out your cigarette lowering your self to his level cupping his face in your hands brushing his hair out his face, smelling the familiar sent of whiskey and smoke that comforted you normally. “Baby whats the matter… just tell me” You reasoned seeing his red eyes caused your heart to beat uncontrollably. 

“…. I want you all to my self (y/n) … I want us to be in a real relationship so no one else can even try to touch you, or make you laugh, especially Wonjae” he pouted as he said Wonjaes name which made you giggle. The thought of you being in a real relationship is something that had crossed your mind before, come to think of it you hadn’t even been out with another guy other than Bloo or Milli in more than 4 months and no other guy was even getting any of your attention… maybe you had deeper feelings than you had thought. 

Bloo placed his lips on yours pulling you out of your thoughts, and for the first time your heart was beating uncontrollable as you kissed passionately, you had kissed millions of times before but this felt like so much more, “I really like you (y/n) like… like you like you” he giggled pulling away as you both stood up. “Maybe this could work” you bite your lip as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “So is that a yes?” He raised his eyebrow, “ummmmm I don’t remember you asking me a quessssssstion” you teased, he rolled his eyes, “will you be my girlfriend” he asked annoyed with your stupidity, “I guess you…..” You trailed looked down as if it wasn’t a big deal, you looked up to see his beaming smile before he kissed you once again. 

“Btw … If Choi Wonjae lays a hand on you again I will ruin his pretty little face” he muttered against your lips causing you to laugh uncontrollably, “I promise baby… I’m all yours” 

--------

MASTERLIST - https://taejikookiee.tumblr.com/post/643925002253713408/masterlist-kpop-khhpkrb

[themoonstarwarrior]

PLAYLIST SHUFFLE TAG!

Okay, so @viterbofangirl tagged me in this and I need to start learning to post my own shit, so what the hell, why not?

Rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to! put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 15 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

(I couldn’t stop at 10 so I added 5 more, sue me)

I have very random music taste and I listen to my music on shuffle alot, so I made a playlist of the ones I like the most (that way I don’t hafta skip 150 songs to get to the one I feel like) so I’m gonna use that one.

1) History of Violence - Theory of a Deadman

Hoo boy starting off light huh?.... Yeah so, I was in the drive thru at Sonic when I first heard this on the radio and was immediately like “holy shit”. Instead of like metaphors and poetic subtlety, it’s just straight up like “here’s a poor abused woman who resorted to murdering her shitty boyfriend/husband cuz she couldn’t take it dum dum dum”. Even though the actual situation is not the same, this song is perfect for getting across the internal issues and turmoil of my character Mikey. Its so perfect I’m even planning to animate something for it...... if I ever get around to learning animation that is.....     

2) The Vengeful One - Disturbed

Two songs in and I look kinda emo.... But hey this song is soooooo cathartic! I love me a good heavy rock song, and the drums and electric guitar are perfect for my ears to absorb. This song gives off a feeling of overwhelming power mixed with a coldness and disdain for the bad in the world. Obviously, thats not my usual temperment, but its an interesting one to explore! Especially when I’m trying to get into the head of characters that exude that like my OCs Spark or Ryu. Plus its fun to sing in the car X)

3) Enter Sandman - Metallica

Okay this one is just a classic! Same thing with the drums and guitar they both slap SOOOOO GOOD. I don’t really associate this song with any of my characters or fandom favorites, but it DOES give me a super strong urge to learn the drums. EXXXXXXXXIT LIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! OFF TO NEVER NEVERLAND!!

4) We Are Giants - Lindsey Stirling ft. Dia Frampton

I don’t really to listen to music by band or artist, but I LOVE Lindsey Stirling!!! She’s probably my favorite musician! This is such a good song, especially for someone like me. Its a positive song that talks about feeling alone in a crowd and unimportant to the world, but how you really do matter and shouldn’t be afraid to dream big and shoot for the stars. It really speaks to me and the vocalization is so good (especially for singing), not to mention the official music video is animated and AMAZING!

5) Cetus - Lensko NCS

I dunno if anyone knows this song, but damn its good. Its one of those Royalty-Free songs that people look up for their channels, which is how I found it in the first place, but I loved it immediately. Its a peppy 8-bit electronic bop that turns a little Irish jig at the end and honestly I think if I ever start an animation channel I’m totally gonna use it! (Also go support Lensko he make good beats!)

6) Sanctuary - Utada Hikaru

I did not grow up with Kingdom Hearts, and only played KH2 within the past year n’ a half. But good God, the moment that Cinematic Opening came on and this song started playing I swear I astral projected into a daze of feelings without names. I know that “Simple and Clean” is the quintessential Kingdom Heart song that gives everyone feelings, but IMHO Sanctuary blows it out of the water. As beautiful as the animation was, or how curious the occasional backwards lyrics are, or how weird it is having high-res Goofy and Donald in what is essentially an anime opening, I really can’t be distracted from this song when I play.

7) Chemical Plant Zone (Rock Remix) - Zerobadniks

Chemical Plant Song is like, one of the TOP Sonic songs by popular vote (and we know how awesome the Sonic series is musically so thats saying something!), but I could never quite vibe with the normal 8-bit version. I think I first heard this as someone’s ringtone and was immediately like “THATS PERFECT THATS EXACTLY HOW I NEED IT!”. The rock makes the song soooo much better and honestly gives the song the perfect vibe. Unfortunately, it took FOREVER to find cuz none of the Rock Covers of this song were the right one. In fact, tbh, I’m not even sure whether Zerobadniks is the correct artist..... that’s just who everybody was crediting when I found it. 

(imma include the link i found since its a little hard to find: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqJiZEM6aPI )

8) The Wolf - SIAMES

YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT ANIMATED MUSIC VIDEOS???? THIS IS A GOD-TIER ANIMATED MUSIC VIDEO. I found the video first, and seriously, if you haven’t seen it YOU NEED TO!!! The beat works perfectly with the images on screen and the story being portrayed is really intriguing, with the lyrics adding to atmosphere without necessarily describing the visuals shown. Even without the animation, the song itself is a banger. It bring to mind the feeling of intense motion forward, but unable to decide whether its movement TOWARD something or AWAY from something. I love listening to this on a nighttime drive.

9) Burn the House Down - AJR

If you ask me, the best way to make a pop song better is to add either violins or trumpets. For this song, it was definitely the trumpets that first caught my attention, and the rest of the song kept me listening. I don’t really know how to describe the vibe of this song, and I don’t have a specific character or story in mind when I listen to it, so its a little hard for me to talk about it. I think the best way I can describe this song and what draws me to it is a feeling of nonchalant go-with-the-flow attitude to shenaniganry. Almost an undertone of “We’re hooligans in a situation that we probably should get out of, but hey we’ve got life and each other so why worry?” At least that’s the closest I can get to a verbal description heh...

10) Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell - The Offspring 

DANCE, FUCKER, DANCE, LET THE MOTHERFUCKER BURN!!!

So this also has a KICKASS animated music video, but its technically combined with the song “Dividing by Zero”. Now the video works SO well with both, and the shifting artstyles reflect the differing tones of the songs PERFECTLY. However, I have a preference for both the animation and the song on the Slim Pickens half. Its fun to listen to and sing at the top of your lungs and its SO CATHARTIC. Again I cant really describe what my head does when I hear it, but I think you can probably feel a similar vibe if you watch the music video. 

11) No Heaven - DJ Champion

The first time I finished the original Borderlands, I had been playing for days on end, had just finished a long battle with the Destroyer, and sitting back relieved to have beaten it and reflecting on how much I had enjoyed the adventure. Then this song started playing. For what I believe was forty minutes this song looped on my TV while the credits rolled. By the time the credits finished I was pulling up the song to listen to again! What an absolutely PERFECT cherry to add to this experience. This song perfectly encapsulated the chaotic, trigger-happy, morally ambiguous craziness that I had enjoyed and absorbed in this game. Every time I hear it now, I imagine myself in the wastelands of Pandora, driving haphazardly across the sandy dunes as my companions and I shoot and blow up everything in sight. You know, living the dream.......     

12) Hit & Run (Wolfgang Lohr Remix) -  The Electric Swing Circus

I fucking LOVE electro-swing! The electronic beats and rhythm blend so well with the wild and energetic freedom of swing. A lot of electro-swing gives me a vibe of wild movement, reckless abandon, and freedom from constraint. I think this song melds all of these feelings the best! As the last song might have indicated, despite my general nice and sweet temperament, there is a part of me deep down that is an absolute gremlin secretly enamored with chaos, insanity, and a general disdain for law and authority X). But whereas anything Borderlands related has a more “morality is an illusion blowing shit up is real” air about it, this song is far more peppy. More of a “good-hearted but insane” type of chaos, like an 100mph car chase where you end up sailing over the train tracks JUST as the train passes.

.... I may have gotten a bit off track lol 

13) Kickstart my Heart - Motley Crue

I love this song, but I have to be VERY careful when and where I listen to this. I love songs that make me feel like I’m going a million miles per hour, like I’m gotdam Sonic the Hedgehog. Unfortunately, I may or may not have had multiple instances of listening to this song in the car and abruptly realizing that I’m going like 15mph above the speed limit...... So yeah, regardless of absolutely perfect it feels to play this song while speeding down a nearly empty highway, please be careful and drive responsibly!!!

14) I’m Born to Run - American Authors

Imma just up and say it. This song is a Sonic song; like not like actually from the series but a song for the character. This song encapsulates Sonic as a character better than some of his ACTUAL THEMES (and remember Sonic music are bangers!). Its a song about freedom, living life as it comes, and not letting anything slow you down. Frankly I’m surprised they didn’t make this song FOR the Sonic series, or even the movie! Speaking of which, ironically I heard this song right after watching the Sonic movie in theaters, so yeah there’s no way I can associate it with anything else. 

15) Opa Opa - Antique

Oh, what a PERFECT way to end this list! This may be one of my absolute favorite songs of all time! I don’t remember exactly how I found this song... I think I had just relistened to Dalar Mehndi’s “Tunak Tunak Tun” and was looking for other catchy non-english songs and BOY HOWDY I found one! I know nothing about the band or what the song’s about (its in greek and i dont speak it), but this song is just a masterpiece of retro, pop, and dance sounds. This song feels like the musical and lyrical manifestation of dance and movement. I really REALLY wish I could dance JUST so I can express how happy and free this song makes me feel! This is the BEST song for me to end this list with!

***********************************************************************************

JESUS, this got long..... Sorry about that XD. It was fun though, and hopefully somebody was vaguely interested in my ramblings.

Guess I need to tag people now? How about @tharkflark1, @rockmilkshake, @neonbuck, @drawingsdrawingseverywhere, @birthgiverofbirds, @puccafangirl, @kalcat, @biblestudybussybopsbabey, @monstrous-milktea, and @memecage! I think there are a couple of people here I haven’t talked to though soooooo..... hi, I hope you don’t mind the tag X)

 Anyway hope you enjoyed and/or want to do this too! This took for-fucking-EVER to type, so imma go fuck off and watch youtube or something now...

[ocular-intercourse]

👀👀👀 there's only 25 questions 👀👀👀

i think i know what this means 😂🙏🏻

Meanest VS Kindest

meanest is definitely asher, though under normal circumstances he would not make use of it quite as often as he does rn, but even then he is kinda bred to be mean, that’s the rich kid gene, but also his father’s influence

kindest is teddy, without a doubt, i was for a second considering noor because they are actively doing more kind things, working on bettering the life for their subjects, but the prince is definitely more capable of being unkind for the sake of something bigger than ted would ever be (also they are spoiled and tend to kinda unintentionally put their needs before others in their private life)

Tallest VS Shortest

gyo the absolute beast of a man that’s them primordial genes, the shortest is ace

Most humble VS Most arrogant

hmm i think devin might be the most humble, it’s kinda pathological, a result of his low self-confidence, social anxiety and all, asher’ll be like screaming at him about how talented he is but that kinda does not sink in, but even with the things he can accept being good at in he is not the person to brag about it, he was raised to be polite and humble i guess

ah that’s a little hard it’s outwardly appereance vs inwardly feelings and they never match up, asher definitely is arrogant, but he is also very aware that anything that people admire about him and his skills is just a result of privilege and money and people wanting to crawl up his ass, so he’s like, yeah i’m fucking good at this but that doesn’t mean shit i had like 20 tutors since i was a toddler anyone could do this with my resources

finn is probably the most outwardly boasting about stuff he is arrogant about, but also the most fickle, you just gotta poke the wrong spot and he’s crumbling

gyo kinda has to be arrogant, it’s his job, it’s part of the whole ‘you can’t touch this just try and harm the empire you’re not getting past me’ deal, but he is also inwardly very aware of his limitations and what is realistically possible for him and what isn’t, he just can’t show it to leave openings for his opponents 

i can’t decide 🤷🏻‍♂️

Coldest VS Most emotional

oh boy, god seriously the more i think about these questions the more i realize that my boys all just put up a front all the time whelp

ace has trained himself to seem colder than he actually is, but gyo is probably better at actually shutting his emotions down to get where he needs to be so i’ll go with him

finn is the most emotional he just puts it all out there i don’t think he could hide it if he wanted to he’s an open book really he’s even a terrible liar

Most chaste VS Most lustful

i had the impuls to say ace but i feel like asexuality and being chaste kinda cancels each other out, like you actually need to be sexually active and attracted to other people to be able to be considered chaste? like it kinda has to do with surpressing things? and if i follow that logic it fits asher way more, though he is also not really chaste, just prude, but still more than any of the others

teddy is the most lustful which is always very fun cause it’s unexpected, maybe he got a little messed up along the way but physical affection is just his biggest love language he needs to be shown that he is wanted to be happy and he needs to be shown often and thats the same way he tends to express his feelings for his s.o. (which is a huge problem between him and zeke oof), but also outside of a relationship he tends to get his self-worth reaffirmed through sexual encounters

Most serious VS Silliest

gyo is the most serious, might also be another work trait, asher also currently has little space for silliness in his life but that’s just cirumstancial, ace is by far the silliest, straight faced maybe, but he loves to irritate and amuse people

“Sleep is for the weak!” VS “Sleep for a week”

asher is the ‘sleep is for the weak’ man, though he sure’d like to sleep more, his body just does not want him to, at some point he’s just, god fuck fine more time to be productive i guess, teddy could sleep for a week

Happiest VS Saddest

GOD fuck, what a question, which one of my sad boys is the saddest boy? asher is the saddest, noor is the happiest

Darkest backstory VS Lightest Backstory

hasghj please, gyo has the darkest backstory, devin has the lightest

Biggest eater VS Lightest eater

hmmm finn has a crazy fast metabolism so he just needs to eat constantly to keep his mass it actually drives him crazy he’d much rather be able to bulk up properly, asher is the lightest eater, though a lot of that is also circumstantial, he’d be eating more if he wasn’t going through things, but still probably less than all the others, i’ll count gyo out cause he actually does not have to eat technically, so he doesn’t always, teddy is also a fickle eater with his eating disorder, but he’s being healthy atm

Most ticklish VS Cruellest tickler

never thought about it, asher is the most ticklish under regular circumstances, his meds make him a little numb, ace would be the cruellest tickler

Brainiest VS Brawniest

despite discrediting himself constantly by saying ‘i had all the help money can buy it does not count’ asher is still the brainiest, straight a student, speaks multiple languages, can play multiple instruments, is juggling two degrees and a mental breakdown etc etc excelling in all of it (especially the break down) i guess he could be considered gifted but he’d refuse to accept that denotation, he’s diligent at best, and was not allowed to function any other way, in his mind it’s really not that impressive he had no other choice and who knows how many people just praise him unfounded to please him/his father

gyo is the brawniest, no question, not all brawn no brains you need both to get where he is but his martial might is literally legendary

Most forgiving VS Most grudgeful

teddy is the most forgiving, not necessarily always because the person deserves it, but because he just wants them to deserve it, he just wants to believe people are good and have good intentions, finn is the most grudgeful (his father is a special exception i suppose) he still hasn’t forgiven kitty for killing herself after what.. 10 years or so? to a point of major detriment to his own life by giving a wide berth to anything that reminds him of her which is a lot of the things he loves/loved

Physical vices (drugs, sex, alcohol) VS Spiritual vices (Lust, wrath, envy)

god i kinda just wanna put finn on both ends of that question, he seriously is the most susceptible to vices in general regardless of physical or spiritual, and he knows, and he’s trying to be better (good thing he knows terrible examples about drugs and alcohol both so he’s pretty good at staying away from those at least)

Optimistic VS Pessimistic

teddy and noor share the optimistic spot, teddy generally believes more in the good in the world and that things will be good, noor is more active about it, their mindset is more of the ‘things might be bad but i WILL change them i don’t care who tells me i can’t’ variant, asher is the most pessimistic, but once again i feel it’s not fair to call him out on that it’s not actually in his character it’s, again, his circumstances, but i’m not sure there’s gonna be a lot of space for optimism left in his life after everything anyways so i guess it’s really him

Most secretive VS Most open

gyo is the most secretive, ace too to an extend and asher certainly has his big secret, but gyo just wont tell you a thing, you’ll hardly get him to talk at all, especially about personal subjects, devin might be the most open, teddy is all trusting and optimistic but he’s been burned often enough to know to keep some things to himself, devin is a little more oblivious to that, or maybe it’s not really that, it’s not naivite, it’s him just believing that it is the best to put everything out there so there is no space for misunderstandings

Judges a book by its cover VS Judges mostly by personality

none of my characters are overly superficial it’s hard to say if anyone of them would judge based on appereance, i want to say it’s probably noor, but it’s not really about looks, it’s more that they tend to stick to first impressions a lot, when they have an image of a person in their mind they have a hard time seeing anything but that, and get confused often when they get blindsided by traits that do not fit the idea they have of that person, finn definitely judges the most by personality, he tends to be hypervigilant around people, probing their emotional state, checking that everything is okay, it’s that classic abuse survivor habit, always making sure everything is alright and there’s no hidden threat

Best singer VS Tone deaf

finn is the best singer by far, he’s good he’s really really good but it’s one of these things he’s connected to kitty so that’s not always easy for him, noor is absolutely tone deaf it’s awful they are not insecure about a lot of things but only people they trust will ever hear them sing cause they know they won’t judge them too much

Cast iron stomach VS Most squeamish

ace can and will eat anything, he grew up in a shitty situation where they did not always have access to proper food so he’s not picky about quality or freshness, food is always a little complicated for teddy cause he has to train himself to eat regularly, on top of that he will not eat just anything, he is a vegetarian but also the kind of person that was a picky eater growing up and is holding on to some dislikes that probably only exist in his head at this point, it’s about the consistency of eggs for example, or certain combinations he’ll just not eat or even try, finns body can’t handle histamies super well so he has to be careful too, raw tomatoes even give him allergic reactions, but all of that is less about him being squeamish, he’s more the try anything once kind of person

Shows most skin VS Covers up most

i’d say it’s a cross between finn and noor for most skin, finn just enjoys being mostly uncovered, noor just likes the look of revealing clothing, asher is definitely famously the one to cover up the most, maybe that’s also a weird defense mechanism but mostly he’s just been brought up in a rather conservative household and that notion stuck

Most religious VS Most atheistic

none of them are really religious, in a ‘greek gods do exist’ kind of setting that’s a weird thing to be anyways?? is it still religious when you know gods exists/you are part god lol?? noor also exists in a setting where they, as in the leaders of the empire, are considered to have divine right to rule and are basically worshipped themselves plus i have not yet figured out in what way religion and a pantheon even exists in their world, gyo most definitely worships noor in a way but lets not go there, asher is by no means religious, but he enjoys the, uhm, quiet contemplation and prudence i guess? the sense of reverence and tradition, he likes the idea of believing in a guiding power, but he does not believe himself (he’d have a bone to pick with god if he did), he does however go to church with his family not only for outward appereance there is in some weird way something calming he takes from that (the congregation is not conservative in the gay hating way so that helps), i think gyo might actually be the most atheistic, even when confronted with god-like beings he’s more like ‘you can’t do shit i pick my own destiny and i’ll fight you if i have to’, he can’t take them seriously and he sure as hell does not consider them superior in any way (tbf the glimpse he gets at their world makes that very easy he basically just brawls his way out of hell and everybody there is like ??? help ??)

Biggest reader VS Hasn’t touched a book in 3 years

asher is the biggest reader, he’ll read non-stop if you let him it’s such a good way to get out of his head, so it’s a bit of an compulsive habit, teddy definitely hasn’t touched a book.. in basically ever, it’s the dyslexia it’s really not his favorite thing to do it’s exhausting and frustrating, but he’d probably go for audio books every now and then, it’s similar for ace but he has more patience to chew his way through a book

Best at self-care VS Most self-destructive

oh boy, noor is the very best at self-care, cause they are always so well cared for? they were raised in an environment where everyone always made sure they were happy and comfortable, so they themselves value these things a lot and go searching for them even if nobody offers them from the outside, asher is by far the most destructive, he’s the last priority on his list the only reason he is still alive (if you want to call it that) is to shield other people, so self-care seems utterly pointless at this point, the one thing he does still do is grooming but for him that’s more just a part of functioning than anything that has to do with making himself feel better

Most flirtatious VS Most modest

under different circumstances asher would be the most flirtatious, and he still is sometimes when the situation calls for it, but just ignoring all the trauma and everything, just looking at the person he used to be/will maybe be again, he just likes schmoozing and dazzling people, making them feel welcome and appreciated, he’s oozing charme all over the place (to be fair none of this is sexual/romantic in any way, it’s more just his base socializing mode) to a point where he gets in trouble cause he not only leads people on unintentionally but also drives devin into jealous fits, it’s really hard to figure out who’s the most modest actually, gyo is a brick wall but sometimes social events require friendly mingling and he is very much able to, you know, for the sake of the empire, but he’s usually calm and collected and unapproachable, ace on the other hand never ever tries to attract other people, but on the contrary to gyo his wall is hidden, he does not let people close, but let’s them believe differently, and  sometimes has a bit of a mischievous behaviour about him that could be seen as flirtatious in some ways

Most outdoorsy VS Most indoorsy

teddy is by nature (ha) the most outdoorsy, it’s his domain, he’s truly at home surrounded by plants and animals, devin is the most indoorsy, locked behind his computer/tv most of the time, ace is a close second but he does get out more, training or hanging out in the streets

[golgoterror]

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake. 

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet. 

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again. 

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. 

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat. 

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat. 

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again. 

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to. 

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. 

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid. 

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really. 

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

[moodymurda]

think i lost my best friend

as a small child my first first best friend was a boy named omar. we met in daycare when we were two. we were the smallest in the class but had the biggest mouths. we ended up going to the same schools until 4th grade. at our elementary school anytime someone claimed me as a best friend, he would explain that we went way back to diapers and they weren’t my best friend lmao. 

in pre-k i met a boy named hakeem. (our mom’s ended up being friends, they still talk occasionally and sometimes my mom will tell me how hakeem and his siblings are doing. because she know my weird ass cares about that sort of thing). hakeem brought these lemon cookies everyday for snack. i liked them too but in strawberry, so he would have his mom get me some and he brought me those cookies everyday until we changed schools in first grade. we always sat together, did our work together, played together. we had other friends but we mostly did everything together. 

in first grade i had 2 best friends. a boy named franklyn and a girl named melody. melody moved away like 4 months into the school year but to this day i’ve never forgotten her. franklyn, i thought he was so cool. he was a really great artist.. for a 6 year old lol. he was real funny too. he had the funniest facial expressions. and he was real serious which i was entertained by because i’ve always been “silly”. 

in 4th grade i met a girl named shanelle. we were the shortest girls in the class and the smartest. we were really similar in general and we instantly clicked. it was a whole lil group of girls that i’d known since first grade. but shanelle and i ended up in the same class in 4th grade and we clicked idk. that was my mf girl. when i first moved to florida we talked on the phone every saturday for hours. i also met a boy named anias that year. he was one of my best friends too. he was also my first crush lol. unrelated but it’s interesting to look back at how i handled the fact that i liked him, because i still handle liking people that same way.

fifth grade was my first year in florida. it was real hard for me to make friends. the other day, my mom said to me she realized that in new york i never had to make friends. i have bout 5011 cousins, so that's built in friends right there. and they were my friends back then, they're my friends now. then most of the kids i went to daycare with, they went to my elementary school. so again i never had to make a friend really. i knew everyone in my life since i was a literal infant. 

but yea i did end up making friends eventually. got my first white friends ever lol. (one of their dad’s called me a nigger which is still hands down one of the weirdest things i’ve ever experienced.) i started to befriend more girls which was cool because before then i always had way more guy friends than girls. 

in middle school i went to one school for 6th grade, then another for 7th & 8th. in 6th i met my friend nijah. and she was my best friend then. she treated me like i was her little sister and i’m still grateful. she really looked out for my little ass and defended me no matter what. she was present after i got into my first fight lol. and even though i held my own, the girl had scratched my face. that shit set nijah off and she proceeded to beat homegirl’s ass even though i just did.

i struggled to make friends in 7th again. in 6th grade i went to the same school that most of my elementary friends went to, so again i didn’t have to make friends for real. i did make new friends but it was different because it was a group thing. not me alone trying to fit in somewhere. in 7th grade i finally got into a school i applied to in 5th grade but was wait-listed. i was and am very reluctant to speak to those i don’t know for a list of reasons. so i didn’t. i would just observe the people in my class. eventually these two girls named janae and keely who were best friends, kinda let me stick my ass in there with them. then i met bart and this girl dani. i remember marcus and i had ended up befriending one another bc our history teacher sat us next to each other when he was reassigning seats. (i remember every mf thing but marcus was also my second crush so naturally i remember every detail of that shit). so yea those were my friends. at the time janae was my best friend tho. she was the only other black girl in the class that would talk to me and didn’t think i was weird. it was because her ass was weird too lol. i didn’t act like the rest of the black girls and they really only spoke to me to make fun of me. which i knew, but i’ve never been one to entertain shit unless “you got beat my ass about it”. 

in 8th grade janae and i met this group of girls. morgan, dejahnna, atlantis, and jarvayssia. some shit shifted that year and morgan and dejahanna became my best friends. they were the first friends i ever hang out with outside of school. it made me feel so good to be invited to shit and to feel included. to feel like a normal ass 13 yr old felt amazing. 

so in high school there were two schools all the magnet school kids would usually apply to. stanton and paxon. with the exception of keely, bart, and a few other people i didn't mention here. every single person i was close with in middle school, went to paxon. what's crazy is most of my friends were going for stanton because in jax it’s the “better” school as far as ranking goes. i don't even remember why but when i toured paxon, i liked it more than stanton and i wanted to go there. it’s still funny to me that my ass didn’t want to go to stanton but was one of the only ones in my close friend group to get in. 

so yea at stanton is struggled. a lot. personally but also in the friend department. to put it plainly i had none. people didn't really talk to me or acknowledge me really. at first i didn’t mind it. but then having a fucked up home situation and having no friends just made me feel real shitty. there was that thing again, with people talking to me only to make fun of me. some of those same people would turn around senior year and try to be my friend senior year which was hilarious to me at the time. it was like they forgot how they treated my extra depressed ass back then. i met this girl chelsey in 10th grade and she was hella sweet. she basically forced me on her friends and they became my friends.

okay so anyway, in 11th grade i met a girl named ahmani. she was in my chorus class. i remember our first encounter, it was towards the beginning of the school year. stanton was playing paxon and it was the game everyone went to ya know. i wanted to go but my mom couldn't take me. so everyone is talking about it and someone asked if i was coming. i said no and why, ahmani ended up asking me what side of town i lived on. we realized we dead lived like 7 minutes away from each other. she offered to pick me up and bring me to the game w her. i was amazed that she was willing to, i know that dont sound like a big deal but to me it was. people weren’t nice to me bro. like ever. so for her to do that it meant a lot. she ended up being my ride every mf where. she is dead the reason i hung out w people outside of school w my friends. she took me everywhere with her. sometimes we would just sit in the car and talk or listen to music. we had a group of friends, it was 5 of us. but i was the closest with her. 

i admired her. i thought she was so strong and resilient. she's hella awkward but she owns it. she's low-key/highkey anxious sometimes but she works through it. no one i’ve ever met works harder to achieve shit than she is. she sings so beautifully. she is beautiful. she's a caretaker of basically anyone she knows. she is a light, she was my light for so long when i needed it. we’re pretty different but also a lot alike. we just worked. i always told her where i fall short she picks up my slack and vice versa. we might be a bit of a mess separately but our heads working together is unstoppable. we’re kinda a mess together too honestly but it’s us.

in college we didn't spend as much time together. we both stayed home for two years and went to a community college. we would hang out like weekly i think. i’m pretty sure we saw each other once a week at the very least. but then she went to orlando for university and i went to UNF which in jax. we didn’t talk all that much and i understood. i wasn't necessarily too busy, but thats because i just never am that fucking busy lmfao. idk the way i go through life is weird. i only make time for the shit and people i want to make time for. i refuse to do anything i dont want to. and that isn’t necessarily my best trait but I'm working on it. but yea i guess she was busier than i? idk when i don’t speak to people for a while i dont make a big deal. i tell myself it isn’t on purpose and i move on. i often tell myself not to apply more importance to my life than what is necessary. especially when others are involved. again, not my best trait but i’m working on it. 

so yea though our communication got limited i still considered her my best friend. when she would come to the city, if she had time we hung out. i always have time lmfao, always. again i know other people’s lives are more full than mine. well i assume so. anyway. we spoke on the phone. we were there when the other needed i think. i try hard not to need people. like not to call them or burden them with my issues. i try real hard. but when she needed me i was there. not to say i’ve ever needed her and she wasn’t there. because that isn’t the case at all. 

recently we planned to move to chicago together. a whole chain of events happened and now we aren’t. i’m still moving and i’m pretty sure she is too. just not together. the way it happened is really fucking with me. i don’t wanna get into it bc of privacy and shit. but i will say that i am hurt. im really hurt and im confused and im beating myself up over some shit that everyone keeps telling me isn't my fault. feels like my fault though. that feels like the only explanation. i dont know.

i’ve been thiniking a lot. about friends and how i never really had any. i just spoke to people so i wasn't alone or sometimes i just spoke to no one and made myself be okay with it. and now i have this group of friends and we’re like family. everyone that is my friend currently is my family. all of my friends i have currently i made over the internet. and i was bothered by that im not even gonna lie. it felt good to still have ahmani bc i would see her more than i see my other friends. i still have some i didn't meet yet. idk i just.. im the only person in my like personal life with internet friends. like in my family. and i felt like i just fed the fact that my family thinks im not even the least bit “normal”. then i started to feel bad. because it felt like that meant i was ashamed of my friends.and i’m not. i love them. i dont wanna lose any of them any time soon. and i’m realizing i dont need anyone’s approval to make those friendships “real” or valid. because they are real and valid to me. 

but yea i dont think ahmani and i will be friends anymore. or if we do end up being friends again, we probably won't speak for a while. i don’t know what that means. but losing a friend sucks a whole lot and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 

[harryseyebrows]

More parenting questions because we need specifics! Attachment parenting or cry it out? Baby wearing? Homemade baby food? Are any picky eaters? Do they introduce them to any religion? (I imagine Harry showing them all if anyone starts to ask questions) What stance will Jeff and Harry take on underage drinking or age of first cell phones? Who gives the birds and bees talk? Are they the cool house to hang out at for the teenagers? (Harry always has baked goods, Jeff has a killer vinyl collection)

i love you for this.

okay. so in terms of parenting style, it evolves from baby to baby. they had such a hard time getting pregnant with the twins that it makes them super protective once theyre born. harry is a bit more overbearing and neurotic, and not to say that jeff isnt just as scared and nervous, he’s just a bit more rational. they read the same books and know almost all of the same information, but when it comes down to it, harry often foregoes what most people and experts will tell you in favor of rushing down the hall if either twin so much as hiccups. jeff tries to reason with him and urge him to let them self soothe sometimes but its with very limited success. and jeff is kinda constantly battling with himself because he knows that harry is still spooked after the miscarriages (he is too) and when he forces harry to stay in the room and not run to them as soon as they cry, he sees how uncomfortable it makes harry, so he usually relents. however, harry relaxes over time. by the time the twins are around 6 months, he has other things to worry about, namely being pregnant again so soon, so he’s tired and cranky and swollen so letting the twins cry it out is sometimes the better option. he knows that he has a secure attachment with both twins and that they’re not lacking for anything, and that they’re both healthy and happy. with river, harry is significantly more relaxed, and by the time willow comes along, he and jeff are both old pros. 

BABY WEARING. if you think for one second that harry would not be ecstatic over the possibility of having his baby/babies strapped to him so he can walk around and show them off, even if its only at home and his only audience is the house plants, youre a CRAZY PERSON. harry loves a baby sling. jeff is less enthusiastic than harry but he’s still pretty psyched about it. even though when they take the twins out together, one baby per chest, they do look ridiculous. harry never gets tired of it, even after 4 kids. especially when theyre newborns. catch him doing laundry and dishes with his paisley printed baby scarf-sling on. DELIGHTFUL. 

homemade baby food. they try it just for shits when the twins are able to start solids but its a very short-lived project. too much mess. too expensive. store bought it just fine for them lol 

eli will eat whatever you put in front of him, but jude, harrys sweet, otherwise amicable little boy, is the one who goes through a phase where he proclaims ‘i dont like it’ to anything and everything. oddly enough, though, the things he will still eat are mostly healthy, like cubed fruit and baby carrots. however, he’s still a big fan of mac and cheese, but staunchly refuses to eat dino-shaped nuggets, to which eli usually looks at harry and jeff as if he’s saying ‘more for me, right?’ river is easy, too. a little human garbage disposal. harry has had to stop him from trying to eat a banana peel more than he’d like to admit. willow isnt quite as easy as river but she’s pretty close. all of the azoff children have very broad palates, thanks to harry and his adventurous cooking. jeff and harry also like to very very hands-on with the kids eating experiences -- they dedicate one night a week to having the kids help them with dinner. harry also likes to bake with them quite a bit. how many 4 years old do you know that have baked a lemon tart?

as far as religion goes, the kids are raised with ~blended religions ie jewish and christian (i did some research on it, and much like any other polarizing topic, there are a lot of people who claim that it has to be a hard left of right, one or the other, but if you dig a bit past the more sensationalized articles, you can find some info on people who were raised with two faiths and turned out just fine -- its finding a balance and respecting the holidays and traditions of both -- as well as explaining things just as you would if you were raising them with one faith. if given the room to explore both and come to their own decisions, it can actually be very valuable and healthy **also worth noting that i myself am not a religious person but i know its important to a lot of people). jeff and harry do their best to keep things clear and distinct but also make sure that the kids dont feel alienated or distant from either side. they dont force anything on them -- the kids are free to say no to certain things, and they both do their best to answer questions and such, so its not super strict, but more of a ‘its there if you want it’ type of situation. the kids also think its very special that they get to celebrate Hanukkah and christmas 

as neurotic as harry was when they were little, once the kids are older, he’s the more lax one when it comes to certain things ie drinking, pot, tattoos, etc. he’s pro ‘if youre gonna drink id rather you do it in the house than at a party’ so when the boys are 18/19, they’re allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine if they want it, as long as harry takes their keys. he knows that if you make something super off limits, its gonna make it that much more tempting when he’s not around to say no. thats why when river is 6 and asks what beer tastes like, harry lets him have a super tiny sip and is amused when river spits it out immediately, but less amused when he spits it out back into the bottle. jeff is a bit more strict and would prefer that they dont do it at all, but he respects harrys policies and kinda grins and bears it. 

jeff does the birds and the bees because harry is banned from talking about anything sex-related around the kids per their own request, simply because he’s super embarrassing and they hate it lmao sometimes he sits down and watches those shitty daytime talk shows, the one with the doctors as a panel, and he learns some random ass info about penile health and the next thing you know he’s bringing it up at breakfast only to be met with a chorus of ‘shut upppp dad, oh my GOD’ jeff is way more chill and easy to talk to, and the kids dont mind when he tells them because they can see that he’s just as uncomfortable as they are, eager to have it done and over with, as opposed to the theatrics they know theyd get with harry (probably some pseudo guidance counselor nonsense where he’d act placid and calm and stare at them with his laser beam focus, radiating ‘you can tell me anything’ vibes that would make them want to wither away. there’d be hand gestures and a condom demonstration with a banana, a lecture on embracing your sexuality but being careful and safe. NO THANKS, says all 4 kids)

and you are absolutely correct, other kids and teenagers seem to love going to the hazoff household, even though the actual hazoff kids dont know why. one of their dads is a complete goof (and totally embraces it) and the other is significantly more chill but also prone to being nerdy and embarrassing (harry tries to impress under the guise of being casual, whereas jeff is always ready to bust out naked baby pictures while simultaneously be the ~cool one). there are always cookies or some type of loaf cake on the counter and ready to be eaten, and jeff is always working on some new sound or projection system for movies. its just a really nice, open environment where anyone who steps into their house is accepted with open arms. unless they’re rude or mean. then harry is mildly passive aggressive but otherwise still civil. only once that person leaves does he mutter something about ‘well they weren’t very nice�� 

[extradan]

Hey I like your art a ton and I was wondering just how long you have been drawing and working to improve as an artist.

Oh my gosh haha thank you so much for liking my art!

I have been drawing for the longest time, I think ever since kindergarten, well at least the artistic dedication! 

I used to draw my when i was in middle school, starting from fourth grade i have been drawing more and more frequently until fifth grade in which I was drawing on a daily base, back then I would also be sitting and making animations on flash, which unfortunately I dont have backups of

but from middle school, up to high school 2012, my art never improved, it was just all the same all the time, I was back then on ritalin and I decided to start my first pony blog, while updating my blog, I couldnt consider yet Tumblr being part of the effective social websites that I go on as nobody was following me and I had no one to intreact with back, tumblr would be the thing i would check once every few days, it was nothing to me but a mere another google plus, until i was sponsored by catfood-mcfly back when he was running the Herpy Derpy blog, and thats where I got recognized and I was determined to continue my activity on tumblr as an ask blog, and I have gotten to become more interactive with people, being inspired by the many of the art I have been seeing from following other people, I would adopt and experiment with what I saw mostly shines through their art, and 2012 was the year I have made the biggest change in my art throughout the months, whitin 6-8 months I have improved by a ton!  tumblr was a very resourceful to the evolution of my art! and I also made so many friends and I have as well learned to become a better person! I am a better person of who I used to be in the past, and i am still improving! there are still a lot of things I need to work about myself as a person!

Also stepping out of drawing in flash and starting doing my stuff in sai was revolutionary to my art, flash back then wasnt recognized fully as an animators program by macromedia and neither by adobe, as they saw it an all purpose program for making goptimized ames and ads, only until all browsers and webpages grew out of flash and flash officially was blocked by all browsers since you could have implanted malicious codes into flash files, only then flash recognized as an art and animation tool for creators.

So moving to sai allowed me to build sketches and bodies easily and paint and yadda yadda and it was all great and helped boosting my art upwards

Flash limited my improvement as I wasnt drawing sketches on flash since you couldnt just lower the opacity of the layer you drew the sketch on, you would have to go through several actions to achieve that, but you would be lowering the opacity of your selected drawing and not the layer, I couldnt also paint on flash and flash ever since the stone age had those horrible vector tools that SUCKED DICK unless you do stretching and smoothing and fixing, in my opinion at least, they did improve the vector system a bit BUT IT STILL SUCKS, i prefer bitmap brushes more, which why I prefer Toon Boom harmony as a program for animators.

If you have been back in the days, you could have watched me go through a several phases! like drawing like atryl, raikissu’s shading and coloring styles, florecentmoo’s shading techniques and eye pupil style, and I uhh.. dont remember the rest, but theres have been a lot of artists out there whom I adopted artistic traits like:

theflyingtacoz, kittentoots(drunk fluttershy), w300, Santi, belaboy, dr idiot, inzergue (big impact on my current style), David (the guy who now works on mighty magiswords along with kyle), fungasm, colorlesscupcake (known as caek now), ahappypichu (a pretty powerful current impact on how i paint my art today), uhh, also “pinkie in private” which, to this day, drawing the way the draw the cheek for their characters, and some other artists I that I couldnt come up in my mind but I did adapt a trait or two from.

My current big inspirations are artists who work on OK KO and as fake as it might sound, my own fiance! yes!! they have been an inspiration for me for quite a while even back at 2012, but to how I viewed it, I never really dared to adopt anything from them because I was so out of their league, and my art was still shaping and i already had ideas that I wouldnt think would work if i mixed some of their’s, but now that my art have been developed and has a solid state of how it looks, they inspire me so much!!

Drawing ponies was probably the best practice I have ever had that thanks to that I have pushed so far in the art that I do, ponies are so simplified!! and easy to draw! it allowed me to produce more and that means that it allowed me to experience differently with each time! 

It helped me improve with a lot of stuff like gesture, facial and painting and other other minor stuff! drawing ponies was such a booster seat for me!

But unfortunately, from drawing ponies alot you wont learn how to draw humans, which understanding muscle, action line, figure and bones is so crucial for drawing, anything really! understanding how the body works is extremely fundamental and its there for you to know how to manipulate the drawings your making, of any specie, its not there to just teach you how to draw the anatomy of the human body, that will only serve as a plus.

I have learned a lot from ponies but how bodies work and draw clothes lmafo, to this day I cant draw clothes for days

in 2014 I ordered a really good book and I have polished my anatomy and human drawing skills, I yet dont know some stuff because i stopped practicing because of varios reason like relationship, access and physical health.

In the begging of the year I acquired a cintiq and it been nothing but dreadful to me, but im using it because i spent.. so much money on it.. and i have been so concerned about bringing it to my home country as well.. but it has the adventage of a screen so... 

its just, I dont have a low enough desktop or high enough chair to draw on it, its always above my shoulder no matter the angle and it puts so much weight on my shoulders, the thing is heavy too so its not something you could lean on your legs while you draw, neither it is portable, it made work much more harder and difficult and I wasnt drawing as frequesnt because my time wasnt so so enjoyable, my 2015 as well become a dreadful year to me and I was feeling guilty and shitty everyday, and it was my fault because it was all my doing and i let myself feel that way, and I had barely the stamina to work on my art ever over the year, I also lost my passion and motivation to draw and basically it dragged also to 2016, I drew a few commissions but I didnt produce much art neither, then I flew over the united states and I didnt have acess to drawing for 4 months as i was away from my equipment, my fiance had the equipment, but that means that I would have to use their computer for all the dedicated hours I use to work on my art and they would have nothing but a mere phone to entertain themselves, also our time togehter was really precious and every minute counted, so we rathered having fun other than doing work work work

2017 came and I still had the sense of drawing lost in me, I would draw whenever i would have a piece of paper available to me since I find fun in that, since im comfortable and cozy and i dont have to concentrate the entirety of my body weight on my hand and arm as i draw, but I would never draw on the cintiq unless its a miracle or if had a crazy comic idea in mind that i had and MUST HAD executed, i almost didnt draw anything in 2017, and neither in this year but the ok ko drawing i have recently created, but I found a new comfortable focus and its doing 3d, I am using my mouse to do everything and i dont have to feel my horrible chair scraping againt my butt like sandpaper, and I dont to feel like my shoulders are about to give up, I did try Tam’s 13hd and it was so much more comfortable and nice to draw on as i could put it on the bed or on my legs, but I cant afford another expensive piece of equipment, especially not in this generation of technology, wacom fucking sucks but no other brand is willing to be their competitive because tablet is not the purchase the average person would make.

Another reason why I have been so held on drawing and using the cintiq, which was probably the most major thing was it’s total, hot flaming shitty garbage diarrhea poopy stank abysmal horrible disgusting nasty dumbass smelly drivers which made every chance i had to draw a miss because i would battle myself from 30 minutes to over a hour fixing my tablet to draw a single thing, and its been like that every time i would turn my cintiq on! the situation was severe and everytime i would find a solution, it would be later suppressed, it was so harsh that i had a few months in which nothing I would do would make the drivers function, i was basically tabletless, so many, and a lot of opportunities for me to create a piece of drawing was flushed in the toilet with the rest, and so it was a deeper burden on my passion, determination and motivation to draw.

But yeah, now im doing 3d and it feels like a fresh hobby to me since I felt that im not going anywhere in and with my art (even though I yet have to learn how to draw bodies better, let alone drawing limbs, feet and CLOTHES!!)

and now the future has yet to be revealed!

[rookiewithachance]

ok you know what this is getting its own post so tumblr doesnt delete half my tags and therefor half the shit i have to say about this like it did with the first version of this post

personal shit below the cut—nothing bad or graphic or triggering (unless you count minor gender dysphoria and parents not getting it...) just me ranting about my parents and the gender identity crisis im going through right now.... so read at your own discretion 

i knOW that this isn’t like a special or new issue.... this shit happens to lots of people, where they’re going through gender identity crises or what have you, and when they talk to their parents about it the parents just don’t fuckin get it. they’re not even like angry about it they just actively don’t understand, and they do it in a semi harmful way.

but listen okay l i s t e n

if i have to listen to my mom say “but why do you need to label it, why can’t you just be you” one more time im gonna mcfuckin lose it ok

she means well i know she does and she and my dad are from a very different time where labels were considered Bad but listen ma, i love you but a) why does what i choose to call myself bother you so damn much especially when you can see that im upset about it when i brought it up, and b) this??? IS me being myself????? that is exACTLY WHAT’S HAPPENING RN im trying!! to figure out who or what myself is!!! but thank you!!!!! for adding to my doubt and feeding the voice in my head that tells me that i’m just making shit up and that i’m taking away from the people who are actually going through gender stuff and that im just overthinking myself..................... because lowkey it feels like thats what im doing. and i know i kNOW that that’s probably not true because that’s exactly what i did with mental illness and boom would you look at that, and my mental health is probably affecting this as well, but...... mER

i dont even know if i can CALL this gender dysphoria... idk like that phrase carries such weight to me and this doesnt feel like its... at that level?? i dont feel like i was born into the wrong body or that i need to transition in any way bc to me my genitals dont have to define my gender. like look ok fuckin listen i have a fuckin vulva and a vagina and mammaries’r’w/e and shit but that doesnt have to mean im a girl. i dont need a dick to be masculine, just like i dont have to have a vulva to be feminine. which side tangent why do i even care masculinity and femininity are both social constructs and are complete bullshit in my opinion so whY DOES THIS EVEN MATTER TO ME??? @my brain what the actual fuck why are you like this

anyways

its not even like.... being referred to as female is what bothers me. i don’t mind she/her pronouns, i dont really care about what pronouns people use for me, but it’s just................. when someone uses female-coded or even male-coded language in reference towards me. things that started as gendered but became more neutral like dude or babe and other shit dont bother me its just...... like listen every time one of my parents calls me baby girl it lowkey actually makes me want to cry, and i dont know why i just feel so shitty being called that

i also just sometimes.... feel more masculine or more feminine than other times and wanna present differently. like im considering looking into getting a binder because i really feel like that would help with the presentation stuff but also!!! theres that doubt again!!!!! ahahahahaha silly kelli ur not trans binders arent For You and if you buy them that’s appropriation or something, either way its bad and you should feel shitty for considering it :)

is this like................ idk, is this genderfluid???? is that what this is??????? idk idk ive just been saying gender nonconforming bc that covers the gist of it and lets me sort my shit out without the pressure of needing to “””stay true””” to whatever label or thing i use..... again, another irrational anxiety but h e y thats me for ya

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this is getting long but heres the thing: i love my parents. i really fucking do. they have their shortcomings of course because being the perfect parent is literally impossible, but all in all im pretty fortunate to have such loving parents. but theyre just. theyre a lot right now. i get it okay i do, they miss me and theyre going through separation stuff and they feel like theyre losing me or whatever but like...... i dont........ want to video chat every night, like we did my freshman year. i needed that then, and what i need now is...... space. some space to figure out how to be a singular entity doing shit for myself and having time to be alone with my thoughts yknow. my mental health is in the goddamn sewers and i havent been sleeping as well as i should be and im feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork and clubs and then of course all this gender stuff started happening :) so yeah sorry if im not very talkative when you chat with me every single night. i dont have much to talk about, and the stuff you guys talk about???? sorry but.... i dont really care. its shitty to say but i just. i dont. i love you guys but i have better shit to be doing than talking about who you saw in the coffeeshop this morning or what happened at work

and see, normally i would talk to them about this. but i just... dont think that would do anyone any good. they wont understand it, and then when i explain it theyre just gonna feel dumb, and theyre gonna forget and slip up and never remember and then just go around feeling guilty about it without ever changing their language...... and their guilt is gonna make me feel like shit too. so whats even the point of telling them about it?? of getting them to actually sit down and listen instead of bringing it up in the middle of sobbing my way through my woes and my parents asking me well meant but upsetting questions and then moving on as if nothing happened 

sigh........... idk. thats about it i guess. congrats if you got this far, im sending you digital hugs. words of support are of course appreciated but not at all necessary, i aint fishin for anything im just here to lay it all out in one place. hopefully i get some of all this mess sorted out. if i had more money id just go ahead and buy a binder but im a bit strapped for cash. not broke per se but i have very limited funds and those have to carry me through the entire semester, so....... trying not to make any unnecessary purchases and my brain refuses to justify a binder as something worth the money.......... which again, is probably not true, but.... we’ll see.

much love to you all, im gonna head to bed and try to sleep cause i got class in the morning and i still havent finished the readings ;3

[highlights-of-the-lowlife]

An open letter

I recently had an...interaction with @lindsayetumbls which was fun. I sent them an ask hoping they would stop using the word lame because it targets disabled people like me.

My ask was (And I have sources for this in case anyone asks)

“I’ve been a fan of your work for years but going through your older work, you’ve used both the R slur and autistic as an insult. In recent videos you’ve the word lame. Could you please find other insults that don’t have a history of dehumanising or actively othering and attacking people like me for having physical and neurological disabilities?”

This was their response. Or at least part of it and more on that in a minute.

“*deep sigh, centers self*

Okay, I actually made a blog post about this YEARS ago. Since its an old blog post, I can understand that you might not have thought to hunt that down. I do think it’s pretty weaksauce to be like “could you please stop??” on eight and nine year old videos when its pretty obvious I have stopped. I shouldn’t have said those things, I was young, it was a different time, mea culpa.

But I do think there is a line to be drawn, and “Lame” is it. Same with words like “imbecile,” “idiot,” “moron” and so on. Yes, there is an underlying history of ableism for some of them. I understand and empathize with why you shouldn’t use as an insult “retarded” and “austistic.” But lame seems to me a bridge too far.

YOU. DO. NOT. GET. TO. DECIDE. WHAT. IS. ABLEIST.

But furthermore this was brought this up in a livestream and laughed about. Literally handwaved away.

http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=G0Qz-ZCwbaQ#Inter__Persona_and_You

(For anyone wondering why its on listenonrepeat.com its because the video has been age gated and this is a workaround. The context starts at 54:00 because it relates to others being called out on trans slurs when they themselves might be NB or trans in some regard. The group brushes it off and says this person might be kinda right but you’re annoying so we will disregard you)

I am far too steamed to write a complete verbatim script for this so feel free if anyone wants to add. The entire defense of the use of slurs in this regard is that the person using them might be part of the group they target. You are not. You are able bodied. I get that my wording could have been vague on the issue of their work from years ago. But. I asked if they would stop using slurs against the physically disabled now. Because of their words in their recent works. And the fact of the matter is there still all the vile R slurs and cracks at autistic people on their channel right now from all those years ago. Monetised of course. Would that be the same if it was a racial slur? Would a buried apology be enough to continue profiting from such actions for other slurs as is or would the offenses  be censored?

As I stated in another ask I sent them, slurs against the disabled have body counts. People like me were actively killed and in some ways still are. There is no vague history especially when its still happening. We were shuttled into asylums and deliberately infected with TB because of words like lame and imbecile. Eugenics only fell out of favour because of the Nazi associations when the Nazis themselves based their programs on what the rest of Europe and the US were doing at the time. The UK is purging the disabled by cutting benefits to unliveable levels. 6000 people have died so far. Part of Brexit was to avoid EU court rulings about this being a massive human rights violation. The US is constantly targetting the disabled by cutting govt aid and access to healthcare, painting people as huge burdens to tax dollars. The abled don’t get to decide the meaning is gone when I hear earn or die on the daily. When people like me as seen as subhuman.

As for the words themselves, they still target people. Words like idiot and imbecile are thrown at the autistic community a lot. Because obviously you can’t attack them for being autistic. It just has to be reframed as weird and bad and wrong. Words targeting the mentally ill like insane are applied to the shitty actions of perfectly happy people, pushing the blame off them and onto the ill as a scapegoat which is why we have such wonderful things as diagnose Trump. His shitty actions clearly aren’t because he has vile opinions. He must be mentally ill. Lame is used to this day to denote horses who need to be shot because of injuries. That could never carry over to people, right? Nobody wants to kill us because of our disabilities, right?

Would she say gay as a synonym for bad was okay? Thats a trick question because I know she wouldn’t. This is no difference no matter how much anyone wants to say the slurs are divorced from their meaning. “No I mean gay as just a word for bad. Its not homophobic”. This is entire hypocritical. But on to the video. She and and cohorts argued that taking these words away would be too hard to do because it would limit the words they can use which is terribad. That sounds familiar. Almost like what the ‘free speechers’ say about racist/homophobic/sexist/transphobic/every other slur now. Can’t take your precious words away now can we? What about the alt right bringing back a bunch of archaic racial slurs? Is it okay because they are old? Whats the timeline? Is it okay because these ableist slurs are starting to fall out of living memory (Fun joke: they aren’t at all)

Also funny she should say you might look back on this in 20 years and cringe for being on the wrong side of history. Especially when told these words hurt people now and all the slur laden videos from 9 years ago are still making money to this day. This could have been a proactive thing. This could have been thought about, discussed and changed now.

But since I can’t seem to convince these people who laughed at me from a treating me as a human because its the right thing to do standpoint, I’ll try to convince them as a writer. The people laughing about me in the video are all writers. They get paid to write. Their livelihood depends on their ability to find words to express ideas and concepts in creative and interesting ways. What does it say when none of them are willing to give up the low hanging fruit of slurs against the disabled? One could call it laziness. Amateur even. To insult them without mentioning slurs or their looks would be trivial. I could call them personified wet doorknobs. Or an overturned damp rock of a human. Or that their soul runneth over with dumpsterjuice that spills into their prose.

So please, feel free to ask @lindsayetumbls @actuallykylekallgren @hbomberguy and @elisaintime why they get to decide what slurs are okay when a disabled person tells them they are harmful.

[wigglywormy]

Do you possibly have any suggestions on how to safely go about meeting people who like tickling too? I've never been to any gatherings or set up any sessions, and all my friends who like tickling too are very far away. I'm feeling like I'd be up to meeting other people, but I'm nervous about staying safe. Also, I don't have any experience with actually tickling or being tickled, so I'm a little self-conscious about it. Thanks so much! :)

join tickling media forum, go to ur location in Forums, and make a post about what ur looking for. thats how ive had all my luck in finding other ppl near me into tickling. its best to have kik, and leave ur username in the forum post, cause messaging on tmf is kinda shitty. either that, or seek someone else’s forum post out and respond to it saying ur interested

make sure u talk to the person for a few days or even weeks to get to know them, and discuss what you’re looking for an dmake sure you find out what they’re looking for (becuz if it clashes w what ur Not looking for, then its best to find someone else). get comfortable with them and discuss limits and terms and make sure they are professional and friendly and not some asshole who’s only thinking about what THEY want. it needs to be a mutual thing or else no one will have fun

once ur comfortable texting, make sure to meet in a public place before any actual tickling goes on, especially if ur new to this. meet at a coffee shop or public parking lot, and just chat for a bit. (for me, since i work so much i didnt really have the time for this, so id video chat with them or talk on the phone with them instead) make sure if ur a lee, that the other person is aware of safe words and stuff, and if ur a ler, make sure you let the lee know ur 100% All About safe words. i’d never do a session without the knowing the ler respects and listens to safe words okay. never. 

yea thats basically it. then just have fun lol. hotels are best for these things, or like, cheap airbnb’s if ur broke like me. unless u live alone or something, but even then i dont like strangers to kno where i live.