#i take 3 seconds to process this before letting out the loudest 'GOD' ever. i WANTED to say fuck but i didn't

[nighty-night-nh]

Would you guys believe me if I said my dumb bisexual ass dropped two sodas because I was too distracted staring at a pretty feeme today, yes or no

[randomprose]

“Can you make this?”

Mo Guan Shan frowns at He Tian’s phone when he angles it in his direction. It’s a video of someone making cute rectangular layered cakes. 

He tilts his head a little, lower jaw jutting out in consideration, and He Tian knows Mo Guan Shan will make it anyway regardless of whatever he’s gonna say next.

"You into this shit?"

He Tian just shrugs. It's cute. He's into cute shit and he's not afraid to admit it. "It looks tasty."

"Hm," Mo Guan Shan hums with a non-committal shrug. "I'll try I guess."

'Try' he said as if that isn't as good as a yes. He Tian knows Mo Guan Shan won't just try. The second the question left He Tian’s lips Mo Guan Shan already took it as a challenge. He'll fucking do it and blow He Tian's mind in the process at how way better and prettier his version will be than the one in the video. Just like all the other times He Tian has shown him foods he thinks are interesting. It's as good as done at this point.  

See, it’s like this. Outside of work, the foods Mo Guan Shan cooks are just a rotation of his and He Tian’s favorite or any dish He Tian has mentioned even in passing that he likes. Mo Guan Shan has picked up on He Tian's picky eating habits and developed an instinct to mentally cataloguing He Tian’s niche food preferences and all the subtle ways he’s let them known. In his published cookbooks, at least half of the foods featured are a variation of what suits He Tian’s tastes and all of them have ‘For 贺天’ printed on the first page.

God. He Tian loves him so much. What the hell did he do in his past life to deserve such devotion?

The weekend rolls around and Mo Guan Shan presents He Tian with his own version of the cakes. 

He Tian, as he expected, is floored by how pretty they are that he doesn’t even say anything. He just stares at the little rectangular cakes in pastels decorated with intricate shapes made of fondant and meticulously piped icing.

"What's wrong?" There's worry in Mo Guang Shan’s voice seeping into defensive. "What? You don't like it?"

"No, its..." He Tian looks up at him, brows furrowed and a look of genuine conflict on his face. "They're too pretty. I kinda don't wanna eat them."

“Idiot,” Mo Guan Shan just scoffs and rolls of his eyes but the slight quirk at the corner of his lips lets He Tian know he’s pleased. "Just eat it. Food is meant to be consumed. I can always make more."

"These are definitely way, waaaay cuter than the ones in the video I showed you."

"They're okay. You're just exaggerating."

"No, I'm not," He Tian insists. "When have I ever lied to you?"

Mo Guan Shan stares at him. He looks to be considering He Tian's words for a moment before nodding curtly.

He Tian takes what seems like a thousand pictures and sends them to their group chat with Jian Yi and Zhang Zheng Xi, to his brother, and then to Brother Qiu with a very proud caption of 'Momo made these for me~. They’re pretty AND they taste great~.’'

He revels in Jian Yi exploding in the group chat and demanding Mo Guan Shan make some for him and Zhan Zheng Xi too.

‘Heh,’ He Tian types with a smug smile, ‘Eat your heart out, bitch.’

(He Cheng thumbs-upped his message while Brother Qiu’s reply was to tell Mo Guan Shang to bring some over the next time they come to the mansion. To which He Tian replies a very empathic ‘No <3’).

When he’s done gloating, He Tian turns back to Mo Guan Shan and knows by the look on his face that he’s already thinking about including the cakes in his next cookbook. He thinks that if Mo Guan Shan ever gets his own restaurant, he’ll make it so at least half of the menu will be to He Tian’s liking. 

"I love you," He Tian says and means it. Because he really does and because he doesn’t know any other way of saying it. 

"Wha—" Mo Guan Shan blinks, a flower fondant halfway to his mouth, and looks at He Tian weirdly. "Just because of this? You're too easy."

For Mo Guan Shan? He really is. Always has been and always will be.

"You take care of me so well." Mo Guan Shan's loudest love language has always been food and He Tian still can't believe how lucky he is that he gets to have this. “I’ve gotten spoiled.”

“You’ve always been spoiled,” Mo Guan Shan retorts as he bumps a forkful of chiffon against He Tian’s lips. "Shut up and eat your damn cake." 

I love you too.

[bubblyhoney]

can i request a fic where sapnap takes the reader to his hometown? like the classic going to places he went to when he was younger. maybe playgrounds and ice cream shops idk

places i used to go

warnings: language of course, an allusion to virginap, my uneducated guess of what sapnap was like in highschool, tiny detail of long haired!sapnap, singular canon detail of underage drinking, jokish about marriage

tags: sapnap x gn!reader

words: 2191

A/N: you are a god, anon. i love comfy and nostalgic fics like these and it was so fun to write. if you hate it dont tell me but if you like it lemme know akskdjd

inbox/requests: open

-

The wind whips fast on your bare fingers, cool and quick and raising goosebumps in its wake. You blink in the haze of the early sunset, head lolled to the side of the headrest. It feels good.

“That’s where I went to high school.” Sapnap interrupts your thoughts and points a finger at a collection of tall brick buildings down a side street. The silver of the lettering is dull, but you can still feel the nostalgia.

“And you’re about to see the park that me and my friends used to hang out at after work and—actually, nevermind.” His arm drops to the middle console and he looks straight ahead with slightly pinker cheeks.

“Do what?” You ask, voice all sweet, and a grin grows on your face. You turn towards him and wiggle your eyebrows.

“Nothing. Homework.” He avoids your eye contact and hikes his hand up higher on the steering wheel. “Anyways— Do you want to get some food before we head out? I know a great place.”

You two were just coming to a close on your little trip to visit his family; it was his step-mom’s birthday and you decided to make a week of it. It was your first long-term trip with Sapnap, and also your first time meeting his dad’s side of the family. You were proud to say she loved you. His little sister took a little more effort to talk to you of her own volition, but soon enough she was on your side.

You have a couple hours to kill before making your flight back home, so Sapnap has taken it upon himself to give you a quick tour of his hometown.

“Yeah,” you decide, bottom lip popped out. “Can we get ice cream after?”

“Uh, duh.” The Neighbourhood’s Stargazing starts through the speakers and he reaches to turn it down. “I’m so ready to get home and sleep.” He stretches his neck in his seat, letting out an uncharacteristically inappropriate grunt when his bones pop. You make a disgusted face, nose wrinkling, but stretch your own back, slumping down in the seat. The day had been full of packing up and this horrible hike his dad liked to do early in the mornings, so you two were pretty beat.

“Okay, we’re here,” he announces three sleepy minutes later in his best attempt at a whisper. Lifting your head off of the corner of your seat, you blink in the setting sunlight as a yawn splits your face. “You’re so cute.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, and struggle to get your seatbelt off in that post-nap haze. You’d barely been asleep for thirty seconds, damn it. The air is a swampy heat when you step out of the car onto rocky gravel and nearly twist your ankle climbing over the curb. Sapnap catches you by the lower back, trying to hide his laugh but failing miserably. You slide him a dirty look, smacking his shoulder as hard as you can manage while limping towards the front entrance.

The door jingles when you two breach the doorway, alerting a bored-looking hostess that the circus has arrived. She looks at Sapnap a second longer than she should, eyebrows screwed together in silent confusion. But she leads the two of you to a booth near a large window, handing you sticky menus and promptly fucking right off to the host station. She nearly runs.

“Do you know her?” You ask, inconspicuously hiding your face in the search for their 24/7 breakfast menu. You feel his eyes on you.

“Don’t think so.” He leans on one elbow and slides his phone out of his jeans’ pocket. In the 25 seconds it takes for you to find their french toast and sides menu, he has browsed and closed his phone with an animatedly shocked look on his face.

“What?” You give him a weird look and put down the menu.

“I totally went to homecoming with that girl.” He eyes the hostess. You glance over at her again, meeting her gaze, and offer a polite smile. She turns away quickly, eyes wide.

“She’s cute,” you say, voice high and fake, and he drums his fingers on the tabletop as an amused look makes its way onto his face.

“Are you—?”

“What?” You reply right back.

“Nothing.”

Thank God the server comes up to your table then and starts asking for drink orders, or else you’d have to admit (sheepishly) you were a tiny eensy-weensy bit annoyed. Only a tad. But after requesting a Dr. Pepper and a water the conversation surrounding the nervous-looking hostess dies.

“I’m so hungry I think I feel my stomach shrinking.” You flop your head onto your arm on the table top and make a whiny noise into the stack of napkins your server left at the table. Sapnap rubs his thumb into the side of your forearm, touch warm and nearly dissolving the pangs of hunger and jealousy.

“You weren’t hungry an hour ago.” He lifts your hand to his face and plants a kiss on the back of it. Oh, pulling out the big guns, huh? “I would have made you something.”

You tilt onto your chin, pouting, and stare up at his cute face. His cute, scruffy, perfectly-kissable face.

“I think I got hungry staring at you for half an hour.” A mischievous grin grows on your previously-petulant face and he just shakes his head.

“I do have that effect,” he admits with cockiness in his tone, lifting his eyebrows and leaning back into the booth with his lips pursed.

The server returns with two glasses and takes your food orders onto their little yellow notepad. You chug the water down when they leave for the kitchen, getting your lap and chin thoroughly wet in the process. Sapnap just snorts at you and shoves the napkins your way.

“So,” you start, patting dry your jeans. “tell me what you were like in high school.” You cross your arms and settle into the booth, smirk on your lips.

“What I was like?” He parrots, sipping at his soda, looking thoughtful. “Firstly, a virgin.” You make a noise. Duh. Dude had a buzz cut his junior year. (You’ve seen the pictures. His step-mom particularly likes them.) “Secondly, I was actually— well, I wasn’t popular, but I had a lot of friends. We were all semi-athletic lonely band kids but we had fun. Had one girlfriend senior year but she went to Cal Tech in the fall and I didn’t. I, um, worked at a Dairy Queen in the summers and gained so much weight I had to lose all over again for Unified Track.”

“Relatable,” you comment, drinking noisily at your water. He fiddles with the paper straw wrapper and crunches it up into a ball. It goes soaring into your drink with a quiet “Kobe” and you just give him a look. He smiles toothily right back at you. “Stop being cute, I’m trying to listen to your story.”

“Oh, my bad,” he mocks. “Anyways. That’s what I was like in highschool.” You fish the paper ball out of your water and flick it wetly at his arm. It sticks and you choke on a laugh, cheeks puffed.

Two plates of warm food are set down loudly onto the table and you thank the server with a surprised smile, Sapnap mirroring you.

Two minutes of wordless chewing passes, minds occupied just by “food, me eat” instead of anything related to your previous conversation. You realize that Sapnap is one of the loudest chewers ever, and he realizes that you fail to notice the streak of maple syrup in your hair.

“C’mere,” he mumbles through a mouthful of omelet and hash browns and beckons you with his hand. You lean closer, chewing slowly, as he pats a napkin at the strands of hair trapped in syrup.

“Thanks, baby.” You take the napkin from him and pause your assault of the warm french toast before you to clean the sticky sugar out of your hair. He just watches you, half of a smile on his lips.

You two finish your food in record time. It’s borderline vacuum-like. There’s a short grace period where you just sit like two lazy cats, slumped down in the booth and holding your full stomachs. But the check comes soon after, and you both pay your way and are out of the restaurant without any mad dashes for the bathroom. A miracle, really, because of the American-like amount of butter you both consume.

“I’m a much more functional person now,” you mutter into the cotton of his shoulder, swinging your hand in his. He just hums in agreement.

“I guess we’re not getting ice cream, then,” he teases, and you just groan in response.

“I don’t feel like having diarrhea on a plane, unfortunately.” You sigh heavily when you have to split and get into your respective sides of the rental car.

The entire trip (somewhat roundabout because of the amount of side quests to show you things from his childhood) to the airport Sapnap is a chatterbox. He’s like this when he has sugar: either bouncing off the walls with energy or talking your ear off.

“That’s where my dad proposed to my step-mom. I was kinda young but I remember being surprised at how big the ring was— dude broke the bank for her.” It’s a little gazebo you catch a glimpse of through the trees in a park. It probably was an incredibly picturesque moment, and you can sense how much she must have loved it. With just meeting them this weekend, you can already see how much love those two have for each other.

You hope people can see how much you love Sapnap.

“Oh my God, it’s still there.” He points out the side of your window to what looks like a Dairy Queen that has been through World War 3. “My buddy Eric and I once spilled a gallon of that liquid ice-cream-shit all over the men’s bathroom.”

You shoot him a horrified look. “Why was it in the bathroom?”

He just smirks.

“—And that’s my Uncle Ron’s house. Had my first beer there.”

“And last, hopefully,” you add, pulling a disgusted face. The two story bungalow is cute, and one of your favorite colors: olive green. “That shit is nasty.”

He just shrugs and continues down the side street.

“Is this the park you were talking about?”

He pulls into the gravelly parking lot of a small clearing of tall trees, a picnic table and campfire sat squat in the middle. But he doesn’t respond, just turning the car off and climbing out. He reaches the passenger door without speaking, and opens it for you. You climb carefully out, confused.

“Come on.” He takes your hand and starts for a small path to the left of the picnic table. The mid-sunset shade envelopes the both of you.

“I hope this isn’t where you kill me.”

“No,” he snorts. “I just wanted to show you something.”

It’s just a few moments of stumbling through the damp underbrush before you’re coming face to face with a small, mossy pond that sits right underneath an incredibly old willow tree. He stops right on the edge of the rocky path and turns toward you.

“This your make out spot?” You ask between a grin as he snakes an arm around your waist and tugs you flush to him. Your innocent smile fades when you feel the press of his lips to the side of your neck, light and ticklish. Oh.

“No,” he murmurs, and just breathes you in. “I came here once—the night before I graduated highschool. And I told myself when I really really loved someone I’d take them here with me.” He sways with you in his grasp, a gentle and song-less dance.

You grip his shoulder tighter in your hand and lean into him.

“That’s— awfully romantic, huh?” Your voice is quiet. Almost nervous. He just makes a noise of agreement.

“So here we are.” His voice is the opposite of yours, all strong and confident.

You two just move together for a moment. The sun breaks through the tree canopy, shining bright orange down onto the glassy surface of the pond. Crickets and frogs chirp back and forth as the willow vines swing in a cool evening breeze. You watch nature come alive around you, suddenly grateful for the man in your arms.

“Don’t propose,” you whisper, breaking the gentle tension. A laugh breaks the silence and he’s pulling away to look at you. Maybe in disbelief. A strand of hair falls into his eyes and you brush it away, fingers stilling on his temple and sliding down onto his cheek. Stubble scrapes against the skin of your palm and he stares at you through those meadow eyes.

You realize in that moment that he is exactly himself. Of course he is. He’s Sapnap, and everything that encompasses that. Dark and light and fiery and cool. He always has been, and always will be.

You realize you wouldn’t mind if he proposed.

-

A/N: ask or send me some stuff!! requests, rants, anything. let me know what you think

[lonelyhobi]

Some Ass Baby

☆summary: you’re here to claim your sweet boy and make him feel good

☆pairing: taehyung x reader

☆warnings: assplay, ass eating, pegging, face riding, oral (m and f), mistress!reader, sub!tae

☆word count: 3.6k

A:N: So this can technically be seen as the third part to Punishment and then Surprise Baby. This one does follow up on Surprise Baby as requested to show what happens when Tae gives his ass to Y/N <3

I want to give you my ass

His words rang in your head as you stared at the bottle of lube and the thick cock in your hand. Taehyung had just asked you to literally fuck his ass and the way you felt arousal leak from your pussy was the strongest indication that you adored the idea. You had brought it up to him before that you would love to try pegging and the way he tensed up at the conversation had you thinking it was a big mistake. 

But what you didn’t know was it wasn’t so much the pegging that Tae was nervous about, but the fact he had to be vulnerable. For so long your sex life was very much Master and his pet where he made the rules and you trusted him with your bodys pleasure, pain, all of it. But now Taehyung felt that if you could give yourself to him fully he should be able to do the same, after all you are the love of his life. 

And in all honesty it’s not like he could deny you anything you wanted to try unless he was punishing you. He loved you and he just wanted to make his good girl happy.

You sat there just thinking that when he came into the room he would be letting you claim him, have him in a way no one had before. He was truly yours, and not even the ring on your finger conveyed the same meaning as the object you were holding.

Someone had called him and despite him not being Master, in a bid to not piss him off you thought it better not to interrupt this call. So you’d just have to wait patiently to see if you were actually going to get some ass or not.

What felt like hours passed until you felt the bed sink next to you and a frustrated Tae threw himself on the bed, towel long gone.

“Everything okay?”

“Just trouble with the company, as always. Even on a Saturday night they always find a way to stress me out, it’s ridiculous.”

“I’m sorry baby” dropping the items on the bed you lean over to plant a kiss on his cheek before resting yourself against his chest.

“I didn’t want to interrupt our evening, I wanted it to be special.”

“It is, this is the most loved I’ve ever felt, you’re so wonderful Tae” you smile as your finger traces the expanse of his chest. “But back to our previous conversation I believe you were giving something correct?”

He catches your finger trailing around his nipple and brings it to his mouth planting a kiss. “Baby I’m sorry I think I’m too worked up to relax like that.” his sigh of defeat has your heart breaking. One of the things you loved most about Taehyung was that even as your Master your safety and well being was always first. If you needed some relief or extra loving he was always able to provide what you craved first and foremost before worrying about himself. And now it was time to repay that yourself given he let you. 

“Let me relax you then baby” you purr as you throw him your must seductive look before you fling yourself to straddle his lap. You toss away the towel that had been covering your body and his hands shoot up to your hips. His cock, that had somewhat softened since he had fingered you in the bathtub, was nestled between your thighs just grazing his favorite spot in the world. 

“What do you want love? How can I make you feel better?” leaning down you pepper his face in sweet kisses before trailing your mouth down his neck and to his collarbone. You dip your tongue in the crevices before kissing that sensitive spot making his hands press you further into his lap. “Wanna eat”

Sitting up you throw him a confused look “Tae you literally had dinner like an hour ago?” 

His fingers dance to the space between your thighs and your eyes widened understanding him. “O-ooh” you squeak out as he traces your entrance lightly. 

“Want dessert please” he laughs as continues to play with your slit, feeling it dampen.

“Baby” you whine out trying to wiggle out of his grasp and away from his prodding finger. “This is about you!”

“I know and you asked me what I wanted. And what I want is to taste my favorite treat, it relaxes me when I suckle on your clit. Love it like I love sucking your tits babe” His hand left you slit to pinch at your nipple until it pebbled under his fingers. The look of uncertainty on your face has him quickly reassuring you. “Please? I really want to eat you, I’ll get hard in like a second” and the boxy smile that overtakes him as you sigh and start to climb over his body has you sure you made the right call in letting him eat you out despite wanting to please him. 

You settle your arms on the headboard as your pussy hovers over his mouth. Lust shines through Taehyung as he takes in the sight in front of him inhaling deeply. “Fuck you smell amazing”

At his words you lower yourself down gently on to his face to avoid smothering him with your cunt but he isn’t having any of that. As his tongue slips between your lips his hands latch onto you pressing you into his mouth. You moan out as you feel him slither up and down your slit, gently prodding your entrance with every swipe. “Jesus Tae” you cry out gently as you resist the urge to wiggle yourself onto him. Masters rule was to take what he gave you and you were sure the rule applied now. 

Looking down you see Tae lost in bliss as his tongue explores all over your lips before slipping into your entrance. You clench around his tongue as your eyes roll to the back of your head. Your fingers itch to lock themselves into his fluffy black hair but another one of Masters rules is you can’t touch without direct permission. So there you are mounted to your boyfriend letting his mouth work on your dripping cunt while you try your hardest not fuck yourself onto him. 

A few more licks and swivels of his tongue and Tae suddenly latches onto your clit causing a loud moan to release out of your mouth. Between you things you see his eyes staring directly at cunt crossing as he greedily and audibly sucks on to your bub. At the sight you can help but rock yourself against his mouth at the pressure of his suction. “Fuck!” you’re calling out as his eyes meet yours at your movement, and you're bringing yourself to hover over him. 

“Hey where are you going?”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to uh us- um move” Your panting as the heat rises into your cheeks but your boyfriend just flashes you a smile before wrapping his arms around your thighs. “No! Use me baby, pleasure yourself on my face, all for you” and before you can protest you feel his hand bring down your thighs as he goes back to sucking on your clit and then wiggling his tongue into you. Taking initiative you give an experimental thrust of your hips and release the loudest whine when his nose bumps into your sensitive clit. The clench Taehyung feels on his tongue as he groans out into your heat causing you to grind yourself further into him. “Fuckkk” you think you hear him mumble into your pussy.

Lowering a hand you grip the fringe at the top of his head and use it to help you push yourself as close to his face as you can. “T-Taeee you feel so good oh god, love your tongue s’much”. You feel him nip on your lip making you screech but you're quickly gripping the sides of his face and riding him faster chasing your high. Staring into his eyes you watch as he hungrily eats you out with all the love and desire in the world. “God I love this pretty face babe!” The sight is enough to have you pushing yourself as hard as you can against him, hopefully not suffocating him in the process of cumming all over his face. “Yes! Fuuc-ucking coming! You want my cum baby?” You feel his tongue eagerly lap up quicker than before as he tries his best to nudge your clit with his nose “God I’m gonna cum on that pretty face, lick it up sweetheart!”

He eagerly swallows your release loving the way you taste but you quickly get off of his mouth and lean down to kiss his hips, body back to straddling him. Your leaky pussy staining his cock with your fresh cum.

Giggling into your mouth you pull away with a sheepish smile. “You just love tasting yourself huh babe?” Taehyung teases you playfully and you swat at his toned golden chest. “Hey you say it yourself, I taste soooo good” you press your wet cunt to his hardened length to mess with his an extra bit and he’s immediately grabbing at your hips to keep you on his dick. 

But too soon for his liking you’re pulling away from him and standing up while he reaches out for you complaining.

“No sir, be a good little boy and wait patiently okay?” His eyes widen at your words and the change in your demeanor. You stand at the foot of the bed and push his legs up to bend at the knee. Kneeling to slot yourself between him you let your fingers graze his chest as you hover over his body. 

“Are you ready?” you question with a flick of his nipple.

“God yes Y/N” he hisses out at your tugging roughly on him.

“That’s mistress to you”

Eyes widening you see his gaze falter away. “Y/N..”

“Look at me” you whisper as gently as you can as you bring your hand to cup his jaw.

Staring at you was the love of your life unsure if he was able to give himself up to you in that way. It didn’t bother you, it just meant you’d have to work harder for him. Taehyung never let go of himself, always being in control but today he was giving you something more than his ass or a ring, he was giving you all of him. “Baby do you trust me?”

“Of course I do”

“Then let me claim you. I want to take care of you tonight and make you forget everything. Let me be your mistress tonight and take the stress away baby boy.” His eyes widen slightly at the name and you feel in him tense underneath you. 

“It’s hard”

“I know but this is for you. Everything I’m doing is for your pleasure. Please let me do this for you.” you ask sweetly lowering to place a kiss to his lips. 

“O-okay baby I’m yours” you let your lips trail to the side of his neck at his consent.

“Can I be rough?” you tease pulling his earlobe between your teeth.

“Give me your worst mistress” he smirks before he’s letting out a yelp at the rough bite you leave on his collarbone. You're soon soothing the spot with your tongue before shimming down between his legs. His angry cock is standing at attention and you can help but place a kiss at the leaky head before pushing the backs of his thighs up so you have the perfect view of his hole. “Hold your legs for Mistress” you bark out staring intently at his rim. 

Reaching to pull his legs to his chest you smile at him before leaning down and giving him a tentative lick earning a hiss from Taehyung. You let your tongue slip out of your mouth and dance around his puckered entrance. Continuously swirling around before pressing the tip of your tongue into it. A little wiggling and you were pushing your tongue into his tight ass hearing his gasps and laboured breaths from above. You continue to run your wet muscle around his rim and thrust it inside until you deem him ready for your fingers.

“Listen baby , I’m gonna try and slip a finger in but I need you to relax. I want this to be good for you, can you do that?” Nodding quickly his grip on his thighs tightens but you weren't having any of that. Raising your hand you bring it to strike across the side of his ass causing him to yell out in pain.

“You use words when you address me little boy, understood.” you more demand then ask for a response as you lightly rub where you had smacked him.

“Y-yes Mistress” And you're back to laying on your tummy between his legs reaching between yourself to dip a finger into your pussy. Bring it up you take in a view you never thought you’d seen. Your die hard dom boyfriend laying on his back eyes close offering you his asshole. Feeling yourself dampened even more you bring your finger to his rim.

Pressing your finger into the tight rim has him letting out an almost indistinguishable noise as you check on him. “Barely halfway just breathe my pretty baby, I’m gonna go further” And you fully press a finger into him. You let him get adjusted before you start to inch your way out about halfway only to press in more. Getting him used to the movement you spit onto his entrance as you begin to pick the pace. Taehyung had stopped clenching so hard on your finger and you could see the grip he had lossen on his thighs as he got comfortable with the intrusion. 

“There we go sweet boy, good?”

And just as he’s about to nod he quickly remembers who he’s with and he’s croaking out a “Yes Mistress, love y-your finger in my ass” to which you hum in delight before pulling your finger out much to his dismay. You press two fingers into your entrance collecting your juices before bringing them back to his ass and pushing them in. The sharp breath comes back as you're met with his asshole tightening. 

“Shh baby breath for me, I need to stretch you out before I can fuck your pretty ass babe” and at your smooth voice you feel his ass unclench in the slightest amount giving you room to push in a little more. Leaning over you take his balls into his mouth to provide a distraction in hopes you’ll be able to finger his ass better. Moaning out as you take his balls in, you give a good suck to them and you feel his mind wander from his ass into bliss since you’re able to push your fingers in further. 

You give him a few more sucks enjoying the gasps and groans he was emitting before pulling off to admire the two fingers fucking into his ass. His greedy hole was sucking them in at this point begging to be fucked and you stared in awe. “So fucking pretty baby” 

After a few tries and the endless curling of your fingers a broken moan and jolt of Taehyung's body lets you know you’ve found that sweet spot inside of him that would have him cumming all over himself when you fucked him. He begins to push himself against your finger fucking himself making another gush of desire flood from you. “Such a needy baby, look at your cock it’s so hard” you giggle at him speeding up the pace of your fingers. 

His body is shaking as his fingers want to creep upwards towards his angry length wanting some relief but like you he knows his rule of not touching yourself without explicit permission definitely applies now that you’re Mistress. 

Reaching your free hand up you grip his cock just as you start to scissor your fingers inside of him. Taehyung releases curses and groans widening his own legs as he tries not to thrust up into your hand. You continue scissoring him and squeezing his cock until you feel he’s ready to a third and final finger before the faux cock. It’s a tight fit but you immediately fuck your fingers at a fast pace hitting his prostate sweetly while rubbing the dead of his dick spreading the pre-cum. “M-mistress wan’you” he murmurs out from under his hands as his stomach clenches in pleasure.  

“What was that sweetie?”

“Please fuck me, I want you so bad please.” he cries legs shaking in his grip.

Sitting up on your knees you reach over and strap the cock to your body smirking at the neon pink cock sticking out of you. Grabbing the lube you squeeze some on the dildo and make sure to cover its surface thoroughly. Putting a bit on your fingers you rub some on his hole to be extra precautious. 

“Ready pretty baby?” you ask as you teasingly rub the socks head around his rim loving the way he pushes back gently as he whispers a yes. He lets go of his legs as you guide them to hold onto your breasts while you lean a bit forward staring into his eyes. “Love you.” “Adore You” he repeats back his eyes full of anticipation but vulnerability as well. 

You bring the head to push against his tightness pressing the cock inside. Groaning out his eyes shut at the sensation of being stretched wider than your delicate fingers. You coo and feel his hands grips your breasts roughly as you bite your lip at the feeling. Slowly you push inch after inch of the cock praising him for taking you so well and being such a good boy for his Mistress when you bottom out. 

Leaning over until you both are flush against each other you press a kiss to his lips, “Can I move angel?” and at his approval you thrust out slowly halfway before pushing in creating a rhythm and grinding your pels forward every time you reach the base again. You continue slowly until his pleas for more have you snapping your hips forward quickly as he grits his teeth opening his eyes. “F-faster Mistress please need it” 

You stare into his eyes as you fuck into him roughly loving the moans and cries leaving his lips as he continues to circle your nipples. “Good boy, you love getting your pretty ass fucked by Mistress huh baby?” without his answer you push his hands off of you as you kneel gripping his waist. You wiggle yourself trying to find his prostate as you fuck him. Once you hear his sweet desperate cry you continue to hit that spot over and over. 

His cock is hard and standing begging for your attention and you can’t help but reach for it and rubbing the pre-cum around to help you stroke him. You pick up your pace at his sweet cries fucking his ass and cock harder. Feeling him tense in your grip as his eyes shoot to you. “Please Mistress m’gonna cum please let me for you” Smiling you let your hand squeeze the base of his cock and you abruptly slow your thrusts causing him to scream out. 

“Mmm I don’t know baby boy, you’ve been good but I really like fucking your ass. You look so pretty crying under me” you laugh giving him an extra squeeze. “P-please m-miss- AH!” he screams as you begin thrusting quickly in an unforgiving pace while resuming your tugging on his cock. 

“I’m gonna give you 10 seconds to cum if you don’t then I’m gonna pull out and fuck myself with this cock got it?” nodding at your works you laugh at his face contorting in pleasure as he thrusts into your hand while you begin counting down. “H-arder please balls Mistress b-balls” he cries interrupting as you hit 5. Rolling your eyes you take pity on your baby crying in front of you and you let your free hand go from his waist to his balls cupping them. “F-fuck gonna cum, all for y-youu shit!” he curses.

Within your last count to 1 he’s shooting white milky cum from the head of his cock all over your hand and landing on his tummy. You help him ride out his orgasm thrusting shallowly as you let your hand continue to stroke until the oversensitivity has him crying out once again.

When you pull out he whines at the emptiness in his ass as you reach for your discarded towels to clean him up and take the strap on off. Taehyung lays spent on the bed staring at the ceiling when you pull the covers for him to huddle in. “God I would die for you” he admits as he follows the fan spinning above.

“Don’t say that Tae” shaking your head as you cross your arms at him, barely remembering the beautiful ring he put on your finger not too long ago. It truly was stunning and gave you butterflies thinking of your future together.

“But it’s true, there would be no purpose for me in this world if I’m not by your side” Taehyung admits as he lays himself under the covers turning on his side to face your side of the bed.

You walk off to the bathroom to clean yourself of the dried lube on your hands as you call out. “I just fucked your ass and now you’re being super sweet and romantic”  You walk back out situating the blanket and pillows to your liking before teasingly asking “Who are you and what have you done with my Master?”

“Oh don’t worry little one when you wake up I’ll remind you who Master is. But right now my ass hurts and I want kisses so come here.”

[feral-dumbass]

Shimmy Shimmy Ya

James “Bucky” Barnes/ Female Reader

Summary: You expected that you and Bucky would have sex after a two month long mission, but not this much.

Includes: Over-stimulation, Dirty talk, Cum play, Unprotected sex, Size kink, Possible Dub-Con

Words: 1,046

A/N: Sorry the picture is so big. I’m still debating if it’s a bad thing. Would you guys be interested in a tag list? Let me know. Title credit to the Ol’ Dirty Bastard. Fans of the Wu-Tang Clan already know what’s up. Tagging my loves @babybluestan​ and @gagmebucky​

Masterlist

Your legs tremble as Bucky pulses within you for the second time tonight. Thighs sticky with release as more floods your channel. Bucky went on a two month mission and you never expected your reunion to end like this. 

Sex was definitely expected, but two rounds back to back was not. Especially when your generous boyfriend makes sure you came at least twice during prep. You’re pretty sure Bucky’s still hard when he pulls out. Not like you can say anything. Dating a super soldier certainly changes the definition of normal. Your mind feels fuzzy as Bucky gives a sweet kiss to your temple. 

“You still with me, sweetheart?” Your boyfriend checking on you makes you feel soft as he rubs your hips. 

“Yeah.” You’re barely aware you reply as you float on cloud 9. 

“Good. That’s real nice, Sugar.” He mumbles as his kneading moves down and across your thighs. Curious, you peel your eyes open. Bucky’s not even looking at you. His eyes are glued to the apex of your thighs. A shiver runs down your spine at the dark, hungry look in his eyes. “So fucking beautiful.” The cool, metallic touch of 3 fingers slides through the mess between your thighs before sliding easily into your poor overworked sex. 

“Ah, Bucky.” You cry out. You were hoping for some reprieve, but obviously he has other ideas. He slowly starts to pump his fingers in and out. 

“You’re doing so good, baby girl. Wouldn’t want to waste it.” He swipes his fingers through the mess again before pumping his fingers into you at a faster pace.

“You’re- you’re killing me.” You grit out as his palm rubs into your clit and the pleasure runs through you. 

“Always so overdramatic. You’ve been such a good girl. You have one more for me, yeah?” He gently moves some pieces of sweaty hair off your forehead contradicting the rough pumping of his metal fingers down south. 

“Not- Not with your f-fingers.” You barely get out in between moans. Not exactly sure what you just asked for, you just want a small break. Although, images of Bucky dragging you by the ankle to the edge of the bed, sinking down to his knees, and eating you out like a man starved do fill your head. 

You’re granted a small break when Bucky’s fingers leave you. You watch as Bucky pumps his dick a couple times with his metal hand. Drool pools in your mouth until you realize your break is about to be short lived. Bucky drags his dick through your puffy, overworked folds before he slides home. Your swollen walls are forced to feel every inch of him as he moves slowly. 

“So good, baby girl. Your pussy feels like heaven. Pure fucking silk.” Bucky bottoms out. He forces you to feel the weight of him as he rests his hips on yours. You can only take it so long before you’re begging. 

“God damnit, Bucky.” You cry out. “Move, please.” Bucky grinds into you before pulling his hips back. He slushes back in as he starts to leave open mouth kisses down your neck and chest. Bucky finds a place on your chest not already littered in hickeys and bites it. His pace starting to pick up. 

 Delirious with pleasure, you’re not sure where Bucky ends and you start. You thread your hand through Bucky’s hair and pull his head back. You get to see in full detail Bucky’s Adam’s apple bob as he moans out for you. The arch of his neck is too pretty to ignore as you leave more hickeys of your own on it. His pulse fluttering underneath your tongue. Bucky reaches between the two of you and starts to rub your clit. The added simulation makes you throw your head back. 

“Wish you could see yourself right now.” Bucky swallows audibly. “So fucking gorgeous.” His thrusts and rubbing pick up speed and you have no choice but to arch your back at the onslaught. If you were looking at Bucky right now instead of the stars on your ceiling, you’d see his grey eyes light up with an idea and you might have been able to stop him before he’s arching your back more. He groans the loudest he has tonight at the position change. “Fuck, baby. You gotta see yourself.” You can barely process Bucky talking to you. “I said look.” His hand leaves your waist for a moment to squeeze your cheeks together and force your head down. You are met with the hottest sight ever. Bucky slows down his thrusts so you can see the full effect of what he is doing to you. Every time Bucky is fully sheathed in you, you’re lower belly bulges out a little. “So damn good for me, sweetheart. Taking my cock like a champ.” His thrusts may slow down, but he never stops the assault on your clit. Before you can warn him, you’re clamping down on him like a vice. 

“Bucky, I- FUCK.” These are the only comprehensible words you can say before your orgasm crashes into you unexpectedly. Bucky not far behind at the feel of your pulsating walls. He groans beautifully before softly setting you back on the bed and resting his forehead between the valley of your breasts. Bucky pulls out and you feel like you can finally breathe again. You both spend a few minutes catching your breath before Bucky  speaks up.

“Let me run you a bath and I can change the sheets while you’re in it.” He says as he kneads your hips and thighs. This time with no ill intentions. Your sweet super soldier. What would you do without him? You rake your shaky fingers through his hair and scratch his scalp. 

“Give me a few minutes.” The words feel heavy on your tongue and hard to place with your fuzzy head. 

“Of course.” He kisses your sternum. He leaves it alone for a bit before he can‘t help but to bring it up. “Can’t walk?” You can hear the grin in his voice even with his cheek pressed against your chest. 

“Don’t be cocky.” You pinch at the thick muscle on his ribs. 

“Ow.” He swats your hand away. “Yes, m’am.”

[nikrangdan]

cafeworker!ni-ki

pairing: cafeworker!ni-ki x female reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: the cashier at the new coffee shop was so adorable you just couldn’t resist visiting just for him

**did not proofread

————

contrary to popular belief, you were NOT a social person

whenever you were around friends and family, you were always the loudest person there

like SHUT UP Y/N!!!!!!

anyways although you were loud, people still enjoyed being around you because you had such a sweet soul and interesting humor

everyone close to you knew that you hated talking to people you didnt know

but to all the strangers? no

they would think you were an outgoing ready-to-meet-new-people extrovert

which was so, so wrong

but ALAS, you had to talk strangers almost everyday living in 2020

(well lets pretend we arent in the middle of a pandemic right now)

moving on......

so you were in high school at the downfall of your existence

you used to have so many friends when you were younger ..now you only have like 3

and those three were always busy (busy making up excuses thats for sure) so you never really hung out with them outside of school

and on one fine evening after school you decided to visit the new cafe 5 minutes from your house

u were really excited because all the cafes were 15 minutes from your house so now u could just walk to this one if u wanted to !!!

but yeah it was in the middle of a small plaza that had cute buildings

you pulled up to the parking lot and was just about to get out the car when u remembered..

u have to talk to the cashier :/

who’s a stranger! even more ://

it was always so weird to you.. whenever you went out you always had someone else order for you because you just hated talking to strangers

you just felt uncomfortable and you couldnt help it

its not like you have never ordered for yourself but you would always prefer not to

and now that you think about it

this is the first time you have gone out by yourself

you did text one of your friends beforehand but they said they “had homework to do”

LIES!!!!

but you really wanted to try the coffee so you just ran with it

time to face your fears!

you opened the glass door to reveal a cute looking cafe, like the ones you’d see in movies

you loved it already

glancing to the cashier you’d have to be talking to—

hold on

you had to do a double take because WOAH.....

the cashier...

he....

wow..

you have never seen a boy like that in your life

you stood there for like 3 seconds before coming to your senses and standing infront of the menu

that was infrONT OF HIM

“hi, what can i get for you?”

HIS VOICE OH MY GOD..!?!?!

“oh um.. can i get a second to .. look..?”

“yeah of course,” he gestured to the menu on the wall above him

hes so nice u almost cried

your eyes shakily traveled up to the chalkboard menu and u began to ‘read’ the options

its like u could feel his eyes on u WTF!!!!

um um um *internally keyboard smashes*

you couldnt even think

the words on the menu were like gibberish

the ONE time u go out by yourself

this had to happen.. of course! someone had it out for you, you were sure of it >:(

picking a random drink you gave him your order

“uh can i have an iced caramel macchiato?”

ITS LIKE YOU CANT SAY A SENTENCE WITHOUT UH OR UM

u cant help but think hes judging you

he looks like that while u are standing there in old sweatpants your dads tshirt

“sure, what size?” he looks into your eyes after putting your order into the machine

god you felt your heart stop

his Eyes..... theyre so beautiful

“oh um regular” you attempted to give a small smile

hopefully it looked like one

“okay that’ll be $5.12.”

you dug out some cash from your bag and handed it to him

he gave u your change and gave u a small smile

“your drink will be out in a minute”

AAAAA

he went :)

he is so CUTE.....?!?!

he looked around your age too

sigh... you knew he was way out of your league though

you were gushing over him but he probably thought you were just another boring customer

while waiting u sat at one of the 2 person tables on your phone

and u IMMEDIATELY went to text your groupchat

‘GUYS’

‘AT THE CAFE NEAR MY HOUSE’

‘CUTEST BOY IVE EVER SEEN EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE’

‘WTF IM GONNA CRY HOW DOES HE EXIST’

‘WAIT BRB HE S COMIBBG’

you tried to quickly put your phone down without looking suspicious when you saw him walking towards you with a drink in his hand

“here you go, enjoy” he said before swiftly making his way back to the counter and talking to the other worker there

wow... hes so mesmerizing

you’d steal glances at him every now and then while taking sips of your drink

you were sitting there for like 20 minutes before you noticed you finished your drink

you totally forgot you came here to see how good their coffee was

it was good by the way

sadly it was your time to leave

taking one last glance at him, you threw away your empty cup and walked out the door

wow

u cant believe you got to witness the most beautiful human being ever

in your small town?? crazy

you were sitting in your car just thinking

WAIT

U DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIS NAME!

you mentally punched yourself but then you started laughing

what does knowing his name even matter, its not like u were ever going to talk to him anyway

LOL

*sad emoji*

but the coffee was good so you definitely planned to go back

and not just because of the cute boy

...unless....

*time skip*

the next day you went there was a week later at the same time in hopes that he was working the same shift

AND HE WAS!!!!

score! 1 for y/n, 0 for umm... any other person who had a crush on him too i guess

the cafe didnt have too many people since it was fairly new and also in a small part of the city

so when you went in, you were the only one there along with the two workers

“welcome, what would you like to order?”

NOT THIS AGAIN

he looked even cuter today

his messy blond hair almost covered his eyes

you shouldve forced your friend to come with you this time

you ordered the same thing as last time but this time he asked for your name

hmmm

“um y/n” you answered

your heart was always beating 2 times as fast whenever you had to talk to him

he wrote it down on the cup and after you paid, you went to sit down at the same spot as last time

looking at him is literally the highlight of your day

the same thing happened as last time, he came over and gave you your drink without giving u a second glance

>:((((

boooo look at me cute boy

nonetheless u continued going to the cafe at the same time as much as u could which was like three times a week

literally over a month later and u dont think anythings going to happen

u punch yourself for thinking the boy would somehow find interest in you

hes still indifferent to you which isn’t surprising since you’ve never made any kind of move

ever

but

he should know u by now

hopefully..

*time skip again*

it was a saturday

at this point you’ve basically given up on having a crush on him and now since its become a routine u just say you go for the coffee

not really paying attention to your surroundings you dont notice that the boy at the cash register isnt the normal one you see almost everyday

“hey, what would you like to order?”

woah WHAT

you look up from your bag to notice a boy that was definitely not the one that normally stood infront of it at this time

and you also noticed something on this new cashier

a name tag

how come your old little crush didnt have one????

this new boys name was ‘jay’ and he was fairly cute too

looking around the corner at the other worker u noticed he has a name tag too

you recognized him because he was always working when the cute boy was at the cash register

his name was ‘heeseung’

after taking in these new additions you answered to jay

“oh um.. can i ge-,”

“she gets an iced caramel macchiato. her name is y/n”

??!<_|#%[>~€\£~

you whipped your head around so fast to see who said that behind you

was it who you thought it was ??!??!

YES IT WAS!!!!

OH MYGOD

ITS HIM

you widened your eyes at the boy who wasnt wearing his normal black and white uniform

instead he was wearing black ripped jeans and a gray hoodie

wow....... and u thought he couldnt look any better

BUT OMG?? HE REMEMBERS U

“oh wow ni-ki, you know her?” the boy named jay asked him

“uh yeah.. shes a regular” he said before walking to stand next to you

NI-KI

HIS NAME IS NI-KI OHMHGOD

u thought his name fit him perfectly its so CUTE

“are you gonna get something too?”

this whole time you were silent because.. what is going on

your heart was being SO fast you thought that everyone could hear it

“yup, can i get the same thing? also im paying for both of us”

WHAT??/):)/$;##\%|

ur eyes widened even more it looked like they were gonna pop out of its sockets

u unconsciously leaned towards the boy next you and kind of put your hands up

“w-what?? oh um no, you dont have to do that” you nervously said to him as he looked down at you

he kind of had a smile on his face

“i want to.”

there is no way this is happening

“oiiii ni-ki” jay chuckled while punching in numbers on the cash register

“ill have both of your drinks out soon, you two kids have fun!” jay said before turning around to face heeseung

WHAT??!!??!

your jaw almost dropped from shock

millions of thoughts ran through your brain and you couldnt even process anything

u cant believe this was happening

it was like a wattpad story or something.. is this how u meet ur soulmate

your thoughts were interrupted by a hand on your back momentarily and u look to see ni-ki shyly grinning and gesturing u towards a table

no way...

you awkwardly follow him to a 2 person table next to wall and sit down

you literally could not hear anything except for the pounding of your heart

“uh sorry about that...” he rubbed his neck and sheepishly smiled

“im ni-ki by the way”

“y/n...” u felt so awkward u wanted to cry

“agh, im really sorry if that was weird.. i just didnt know how to ask you out.....” he trailed off

*passes out*

IM JOKING

Ok but u felt ur heart stop bc NO WAY

“wait what??” u ask, ur eyes bigger than the moon

“um yeah... haha i took the day off today to try to talk to you.. sorry if that was weird..”

HE WAS SO AWKWARD JUST LIKE YOU IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER

“no its okay!! im glad actually...”

“really? so is it okay if we hang out?” he asked excitedly

u did not think u could handle HOW CUTE THIS BOY WAS O M G...

“of course! sorry if im kind of awkward though” you gave a small smile

“its okay, i think i am too”

you two began talking about the cafe and where you went to school

turns out even though you two lived in the same town (literally 5 minutes away from eachother) u went to different schools for some reason

u talked for like 2 minutes before jay walked up with your drinks

“hows it going guys?”

“its doing good bro, now go away..” ni-ki lightly shoved jay and laughed

you giggled at the sight

jay looked offended and came right back

“that is not how you talk to your elders ni-ki! y/n do you see this?!” he scoffed

ni-ki just rolled his eyes and turned back to you

“do not ignore me young man!” jay joked

“oh y/n, ive heard all about you from ni-ki over here by the way.”

ni-ki’s eyes got so big you almost got worried

he turned around so fast and gave jay one of those ‘i swear if you say anything ur dead meat’ looks

jay obviously did not care

“hes always like ‘y/n this y/n that’ blah blah im glad he finally got the balls to ask you out because im honestly sick of hearing it!” jay laughed

u were blushing so hard

NI-KI LIKED U????

this felt like a dream

ni-ki pushed jay away so hard and turned back with red cheeks

awe

but yeah that was the beginning of the cutest relationship ever

u and ni-ki were so cute together <333

you’d always visit him during ur free time

it took like 2 months before u two made it official tho

and he was the sweetest boyfriend ever

[ur-not-reddie]

Just Friends

a/n: sorry this took a million years but here it finally is! :) this also goes out to the most lovely human ever @heterophobicrichietozier <3

pairing: reddie 

word count: 2.7k 

warnings: smut

aged over 18, modern day AU

-

Richie and Eddie lay in Richie’s bed, both of their faces in their phones as they lie next to each other in comfortable silence. Eddie goes back and forth between different games and social media apps, he’s lost in profound thought when Richie sits up suddenly and looks at Eddie with a wide and somewhat sinister smile. Eddie gives Richie a strange look in return.

“Oh god, what?” Eddie groans as he props himself up on his elbows, Riche’s facial expressions drooping to an unimpressed frown. 

“Why do you always say that?” Richie crosses his arms, furrowing his brows. Eddie sighs in frustration. 

“I don’t know, Richie?!” he huffs. “We’re lying here all nice and calm, then you sit up like you’re possessed and give me a creepy fucking smile!” Eddie sits up from his elbows to crisscrossed. Richie rolls his eyes playfully and snickers. 

“Well I had an idea…” Richie trails off in a singsong like tone. Eddie is the one with furrowed brows now. 

“And what is it?” Eddie grows slightly anxious.

“Well, you know how you’re gay and I’m bi…” Eddie tilts his head in confusion at Richie’s words. “What I’m trying to say is that you’ve never done anything with boys and I only have experience with girls, so, I was thinking, maybe we could do it together?” Richie flashes a nervous smile. It takes Eddie a few seconds before he realizes what Richie’s asking. 

“Oh?” Eddie asks in initial shock, still trying to process Richie’s question. “Oh,” he says again, this time in a shy tone, cheeks flushing pink as reality sets in. Eddie falls silent for a couple moments before nodding his head. “Y-yeah, why not?” he shrugs his shoulders as butterflies swarm his stomach. Richie’s face lights up, not thinking Eddie would go through with the idea. “But…” Eddie adds.

“But what?” Richie scoots back a bit, starting to worry that maybe he’s pressured Eddie into this. 

“What is this going to mean for us?” Eddie gnaws at his lower lip, the butterflies pounding harder at his stomach.

“Well, it doesn’t have to mean anything if we’re just doing it for practice.” Richie says, shrugging his shoulders as he tries to keep his cool. He doesn’t want Eddie to see right through his act...  

“Yeah, right.” Eddie forces a grin. Really, he wanted Richie to say that it could maybe mean something to him, but he knows it won’t. Eddie shakes it off as best he can knowing Richie will never feel the same way in return. 

Richie smiles back, looking Eddie up and down before he grabs his hips gently and pulls him into his lap. Eddie’s blushing from cheeks to ears as Richie stares the other deep in his eyes. Eddie wraps his arms around Richie’s neck as he bats his eyes sheepishly. Richie reaches up one of his hands, his thumb landing on Eddie’s lower lip, dragging it across. 

“If it hurts too much, you tell me and I’ll stop, okay?” Richie’s voice is low and husky, but his words are sugary and sincere. 

“Okay,” Eddie whispers, his nerves rushing through his veins now. Richie takes his thumb away and connects his lips with Eddie’s gently. Eddie can’t help but sigh into the kiss, thinking ‘finally’. 

The kiss is slow and gentle at first, lips moving in sync before Richie licks at Eddie’s bottom lip, asking for entrance. Eddie immediately submits to Richie and opens his mouth for him. Richie explores Eddie as his grip grows tighter on the other’s hips, making him rock them. Eddie gasps slightly as he grinds against Richie, Richie chuckling against Eddie’s lips as he breaks the kiss and helps Eddie rock a bit faster. After a few moments, Eddie gains enough courage to do it by himself. 

“There you go,” Richie says softly. “Good boy.” he praises.

Eddie is still feeling bashful, the nerves never ceasing or dissipating. He starts moving his hips faster, letting out soft moans and weak whimpers as Richie muffles them with his own lips. At this point, Eddie gets lost in his desperate pleasure, bucking his hips wildly as his moans and huffs echo throughout the room. 

Richie watches Eddie through half-lidded eyes, finding his desperate noises inviting. Richie’s hands slide from Eddie’s hips and to his inner thighs, taking Eddie off his lap and laying him down on his back. Eddie’s heart starts pounding in his chest, the beating so loud he swears Richie can hear it too. 

Richie crashes his lips back onto Eddie’s, Eddie startled at first since he wasn’t expecting it. He returns the kiss, wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck as Richie traps Eddie’s body under him. He swiftly slides his tongue back inside Eddie’s mouth, Eddie letting out a soft moan as he melts at Richie’s rough kisses and light touches. Richie starts peppering kisses along Eddie’s jaw and down his neck, causing more pleased sighs to escape past Eddie’s lips. Richie slides his hands up and under his shirt, stroking the soft skin of his torso before pulling it over Eddie’s head and lets it fall to the floor. Eddie is blushing yet again, causing Richie to chuckle.

“You blushing is quite adorable,” Richie smirks, peering down at the other. 

“Oh, shut up.” Eddie’s voice is soft and the least bit threatening, making Richie to chuckle even more. 

“Oh, you scare me so much.” Richie’s words are coated with sarcasm as he grinds hard against Eddie. Eddie lets out a gasp, completely forgetting his terrible comeback that he had prepared. Richie then presses more gentle kisses to Eddie’s neck that then travel down to his collarbones where Richie sucks dark purple bruises. No one on the outside will be able to see, but when Eddie is alone and undressed, he’ll be reminded that what he and Richie did was real, and that drives Richie wild. 

Once Richie is satisfied, he paves a path with more kisses down Eddie’s middle before stopping at the waistband of Eddie’s jeans. Eddie’s eyes shift downcast, glancing at Richie as Richie’s smirk grows wider. Eddie’s anxiety and nerves morph into excitement and pure arousal, and it’s showing in Eddie’s jeans. 

“Eager?” Richie bites his lip, forcing back his laughter. 

“Maybe,” Eddie says shyly. Richie hums as he pops the button on Eddie’s jeans then pulls down his zipper. Richie hooks his thumbs in the beltloops before yanking them down the other’s legs. Eddie helps kick them off and Richie takes no time to take Eddie’s boxers off as well. 

“Fuck,” Richie moans at the sight of him, unable to keep his hands off of him. Richie runs his hands down Eddie’s soft, slightly tanned skin. Eddie closes his eyes, letting out soft whines, about to get lost in Richie’s touch again until he opens his eyes and sees that Richie is still fully clothed.

“Well?” Eddie asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, what?” Richie asks, his facial expressions mimicking Eddie’s. 

“Why am I the only one that’s naked?” Eddie pouts. Richie eyes him over, humming to himself.

“I don’t know, but I sure like it.” Richie practically purrs. Eddie furrows his brows, grabbing Richie by the collar of his shirt and pulls him down, their faces inches apart. 

“Please?” Eddie begs softly. 

“Only because you asked so nicely,” Richie gives Eddie a quick peck on the lips. He takes off his shirt, lets it fall to the floor next to Eddie’s. A smile forms its way on Eddie’s lips as he runs his hands down Richie’s arms. 

“Pants too,” Eddie tries to demand, tugging at Richie’s jeans. 

“Patience,” Richie’s voice is stern, causing Eddie to fall silent. 

He takes Eddie’s hard cock into his hands and starts to pump him slowly. Eddie throws his head back, slamming into the pillows. He bites his lip as he arches his back, eyes rolling shut as he lets out the loudest moan yet. Richie takes in every second of this moment. Seeing how beautiful Eddie looks like this and Richie wishes that he could vocalize this. Richie starts pumping Eddie harder and faster, his own jeans growing to tight. Richie works up Eddie more, pumping him so fast that Eddie’s moans are soundless. And as Eddie is about to cum, Richie pulls his hand away. 

“Fuck!” Eddie gasps out once he’s able to find his breath. “Why’d you stop?” he asks as he opens his eyes. 

“Because I don’t want you to cum yet,” Richie says, his tone dripping with dark lust. Richie finally takes his own jeans and boxers off, leaving them both naked. Eddie can’t help but land his eyes on Richie’s cock, noticing how large he is, Eddie wonders how Richie will be able to fit inside of him. His eyes then shift back up to meet Richie’s gaze. 

“Y-you’re big,” Eddie’s blushing yet again. “I’m a little nervous…” Eddie admits, his heart beating so fast he can feel it in his throat. 

“It’s okay,” Richie lets out a heavy breath. “I am too.” he admits honestly. Hearing that makes Eddie feel a lot better, knowing that Richie is just as nervous as he is. 

Richie smiles, kissing Eddie briefly before he grabs the lube from his bedside drawer. He opens it and coats his fingers. Richie spreads Eddie’s legs wide as he settles between them before he circles his finger around Eddie’s entrance. 

“Again, if it hurts too much you tell me and I’ll stop, okay?” Richie reminds the other, because the last thing on earth that Richie wants is to hurt Eddie. 

“Okay,” Eddie says with a nod of his head, grabbing the back of Richie’s neck and smashing their lips together. Richie smiles into the kiss, slowly pressing his finger inside of Eddie. He’s trying to remember all the things he’s read about over time, wanting to make it feel good for both him and Eddie. 

Eddie exhales heavily, feeling Richie’s finger inside of him. Richie keeps his lips attached to Eddie’s, waiting a few seconds before he starts slowly pumping his finger. Eddie opens his eyes, spreading his legs wider as he starts to get used to the feeling of Richie’s finger inside of him, starting to feel delightful. 

Richie breaks the kiss, pumping his finger before he adds a second one, pausing as he lets Eddie adjust. Their eyes gaze deep into each other until Eddie is ready for Richie to move his fingers again. Richie pumps his fingers slowly, stroking Eddie’s walls. Eddie starts squirming and squealing, Richie having to take his other hand to pin down Eddie’s hips, holding him still as he works his fingers inside him. 

“Please, another.” Eddie begs, tears starting to form in his eyes from pure gratification. 

“Fuck,” Richie moans at Eddie’s pleads. He nods and adds a third finger, Eddie wincing as he feels Richie’s thick fingers stretching him open. “Does it hurt?” Richie asks, about ready to pull his fingers out. 

“It’s just a little uncomfortable, but I’m okay, I don’t want you to stop.” Eddie admits quietly. 

“Okay,” Richie says, stealing another kiss from Eddie’s lips until he nods his head, letting Richie know he can move again. Richie starts moving his fingers, Eddie trying to squirm more but is still trapped by Richie’s hand that’s pinned on his hip. 

“R-Rich-” Eddie is cut off by his own moans, arching his back as his hands grip at Richie’s shoulders, his nails digging into his skin. Richie spreads his fingers apart a bit, really trying to work Eddie open. “Fuck- fuck! Richie!” Eddie lets out a loud mewl, feeling like he’s close again and Richie stops, pulling out his fingers slowly. Richie wants to tell Eddie how beautiful he looks… How he loves him… 

“Again?!” Eddie groans out, slamming his head back into the pillows in frustration. 

“I want to cum with you,” Richie nearly growls, grabbing Eddie and yanking him down so that Richie’s cock is lined up perfectly with Eddie’s entrance. Eddie’s cheeks turn cherry red, Richie lubing up his length before teasing Eddie’s hole, making him plead and beg again. 

Richie complies and starts pushing himself inside of Eddie. Eddie tenses up a bit which makes Richie stop. Eddie tells him not to, so Richie keeps going until he’s balls deep then stops, making Eddie adjust even though he’s desperate and so is Eddie. Eddie takes a few deep breaths as he relaxes as much as he can. Richie pulls back and thrusts gently back inside of him. 

“Oh fuck, fuck, Richie!” Eddie drags his nails down Richie’s back, making him hiss. Richie thrusts in a bit harder, moaning for the first time that night, sounding like music to Eddie’s ears. 

“Shit, Eds.” Richie breathes heavily as he starts to gain a steady rhythm, the two locking eyes as the only thing that’s breaking the silence is their deep and high moans. 

Eddie wraps his legs around Richie’s waist, Richie’s hands running all along Eddie’s body, Eddie’s fingers wrapped in Richie’s dark curls. Richie picks up speed again, starting to feel closer and closer to his climax as Eddie tightens around him each time Richie strikes the other’s sweet spot. Richie’s about to cum when he stops himself, Eddie about to scream out in irritation. 

“Richie,” Eddie exhales heavily. “Why do you keep stopping?” 

“I-I can’t… I’m sorry, Eds, I just really can’t...” Richie is about to pull out when Eddie stops him. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Eddie speaks as he tries to catch his breath. “Why are we doing this then? You’re making me so fucking confused!” Richie sighs before deciding to tell the truth. 

“I wanted to do this because… I like you, I’m in love with you... And I wanted to do this because, well, I can’t imagine myself doing it with anyone else but you.” Richie’s gaze falls to the floor, unable to look Eddie in the eyes. 

“What?” Eddie asks confused, not really believing what he’s hearing as he stays hushed, trying to process everything. 

“I just fucked this all up, didn’t I?” Richie breaks the silence, starting to feel embarrassed and ashamed. 

“No, no!” Eddie says quickly, making Richie look at him. “I… I’m in love with you too.” Richie then looks back at Eddie, unable to hold back his laughter. 

“You’re lying,” Richie  says, about to pull out again, but Eddie stops him. 

“Why would I lie?” Eddie asks simply. 

“To make me feel better,” Richie continues to laugh. 

“Well, that’s not the case. I do love you.” Eddie says merely. 

“Can you tell me why?” Richie raises an eyebrow. 

“Because you’re a fucking idiot,” Eddie says with a blank face. Richie stares back with the same deadpanned look. There’s a moment of intense staring before Eddie busts out in laughter causing Richie to exhale loudly, laughing along as well. “No, but really, I love that side of you. Even though you piss me off, it just makes me fall in love with you even more.” 

“I do it because you’re cute when you’re mad,” Richie playfully bites the tip of Eddie’s nose. 

“I am not!” Eddie pouts, Richie giggling at Eddie’s annoyance. 

“You are,” Richie smirks as he thrusts hard inside of Eddie, making him squeal. 

Richie starts thrusting deep and slow, wanting it to be more meaningful than how Richie originally led on. He places more kisses along Eddie’s jaw and neck before capturing his lips again. After some begging and pleading for Richie to go faster, Richie’s unable to hold himself back and caves, going faster. He grabs back at Eddie’s hips, holding him close as he rams over and over into Eddie’s prostate. 

“Richie, I-I… I’m gonna cu-” 

“Go ahead,” Richie cuts Eddie off, Eddie cumming almost immediately with a loud keen. Richie cums close after, inside Eddie as he’s too weak to pull out. Richie holds himself up as best he can on his shaking and frail arms. 

“Fuck,” Eddie pants out, trying to catch his breath. 

“Fuck is right,” Richie pants out as well. Richie slowly pulls out of Eddie, flipping them over so Eddie is laying on top of Richie. They lay in comfortable silence until Eddie’s thoughts get the best of him. 

“What are we going to tell the others?” Eddie gnaws at his lip nervously. 

“For right now, nothing. Let’s just enjoy ourselves.”

[schrijverr]

'Till Death Do Us Part

Part 3 out of 13

When Alex has to bring Philip to work, he and Thomas discover that they both have something in common: they lost their love. They form an unexpected bond and connection about this that grows into something more.

A medium burn with parental feelings about Philip and flowers.

On AO3.

Ships: Jamilton

Warnings: grief and mentions of unhealthy coping, terminal illness and death.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 3: Virginian Spiderwort Means ‘Momentary Happiness’

“Eat lunch,” a sandwich along with a muffin and coffee was dropped on Alex’s desk, who jumped slightly in his seat and looked up.

“What?” he asked dumbly.

Thomas rolled his eyes: “You’ve been at it since six, I don’t even know why you were in that early that’s ridiculous, who comes in that early on a Thursday? And I haven’t seen you leave once. You need to eat, so eat, dumbass.”

“How do you know I started at six?”Alex asked.

“I didn’t, you send me an email around then, so I made a guess and you just confirmed it,” Thomas shrugged, ignoring Alex’s squawk, “Now eat.”

Alex picked up the lunch and started eating, while Thomas dropped into the chair opposite of him and watched him, sipping his own coffee.

“You’re just gonna sit there and watch me the entire time? Where is your lunch?”

“Already ate it and yes,” Thomas answered, “I know how this goes, you’ll come up with a good sentence and stop eating to write it down and then it’s a few hours later.”

Alex looked guilty and chastised, so he closed his laptop, which he had been staring at, and focused on Thomas: “So, how have you been?”

“That’s so awkward, I feel bad for us both,” Thomas cringed.

“Well, I’m sorry that I am not a great conversationalist,” Alex threw up his hands in defeat.

“According to Angie you are,” Thomas immediately regretted it, he didn’t want Alex to know he and Angelica talked about him.

“Yeah, but most of the time people I’m talking to aren’t you.” Fuck, was that too revealing? Did Thomas know he was struggling, because of stupid feelings?

“I’m sorry my face upsets you,” Thomas rolled his eyes, misinterpretingthe comment“Anyway, how did you get in so at six, I’m pretty sure schools don’t start that early. Where did you put Philip?”

“Oh, Pip is with Eliza and Maria for the week,” he said, “Eliza is so busy after the opening of the orphanage and they thought having a kid comfortable with them there would help the others get out of their shell and Pip had missed his Aunties. He’s staying till Wednesday.”

“And you decided that working abnormal amounts was smart when you got a bit of a break from your usual responsibilities?” Thomas judged, not so silently.

Alex grinned sheepishly and shrugged: “It’s what I do best, but I’m not being a complete dumbass, I leave a a somewhat normal time, I swear.”

“Hmmh.”

“I’m serious, I promised Angie I’d leave each day before six and she checks, it’s terrifying,” Alex shuddered and Thomas laughed: “Hear, hear.”

After that Alex quickly ate his lunch while they talked about the latest meeting, which lead to Alex complaining about Lee and Adams and how they could go fuck themselves.

When his lunch had completely disappeared, Thomas got up to leave. Before he could, however, Alex called out: “Hey, Thomas?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks again. For, you know, checking up on me,” he said awkwardly, “If you, like, ever need help or something, call me, okay?”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Thomas promised, not thinking the day he would take Alex up on it would come anytime soon.

He was wrong in that assessment, because that Monday he called Alex, hands shaking and eyes blurry.

“Thomas? What is it? I’m already at work.” Of course he was, it was only 6:15 in the morning, who wouldn’t be at work at that time.

“Can you-” a shuddery sigh that he hated, “Can you tell Wash- Washington that I’m not coming- coming in today?” he asked.

“God, Thomas, are you alright?” the worry was evident in Alex’s tone.

“Not really,” Thomas sounded small, “I didn’t want to bother you, but Jemmy is away and I normally can handle this stuff, but it was all unexpected and now I’m here on my fucking kitchen floor calling you. Fuck.”

“I’m coming to you.” Alex said.

“You don’t need to-”

“Yes, I do. Come on, I’m not leaving you like that. You’re getting a motherfucking patented Hamilton hug, live with it,” Alex told him, “I’ll be there as soon as I can, hang in there.”

“…Okay,” the line went dead.

Alex hurried to Washington’s office, for once grateful that the man liked to come in early on Monday’s to ‘kick off the week right’ or whatever.

“Come in.”

“Sir, I’m taking the day off,” Alex burst in, “Thomas is not coming in either, he just called me. I thought, I’d let you know.”

Washington looked surprised: “You and Thomas…?” he trailed off curiously.

“Nothing like that, sir,” sadly enough, he added mentally, “He helped me out in a rough spot and I’m returning the favor. We found we had something in common.”

“Well, then go. An honest man always returns his favors, son,” Washington shooed him out of the office.

“Not your son and thank you, sir,” Alex said gratefully, before rushing off.

The drive to Thomas’s, admittedly very impressive, house took about thirty minutes and Alex was out the car and on the driveway immediately as he practically ran to the door and knocked: “Hey, hey, Thomas. It’s me, open up.”

After a moment the door swung open, revealing a Thomas Alex had never seen before.

He was in sweatpants and a loose tank top, his eyes were red-rimmed and his hair a mess. But above all, he looked small, hunched in on himself and lacking the confidence and arrogance that usually clung to him like a second skin.

Alex didn’t waste a second gathering him up into his arms. It wasn’t as comforting as it could have been because Thomas was a fucking giant and therefore could not fit into Alex’s arms completely, but that didn’t stop him from trying.

Thomas clung to him tightly, chocked off sobs being ripped out of his chest as he cried.

They just stood there in the door opening. Alex couldn't really move Thomas around like the other had done him, so he just had to wait.

“Sorry,” Thomas said after a while, his voice raw as he broke away.

“No sorry, not today, okay?” Alex told him, “Now, why don’t we set you down on the couch, yeah? It’s more comfy and definitely better than the porch.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Thomas agreed and numbly walked over to a living room, Alex trailing behind him.

Thomas collapsed on the couch, looking like a miserable heap and Alex had to pause and think of a plan of attack. He’d been a Lieutenant Colonel, he could do this. First, he needed to know the situation.

He sat down next to Thomas: “Hey, dude, can you tell me what happened? You said it was unexpected, what hit you out of nowhere?”

“Phone,” Thomas gestured vaguely to the kitchen, then didn’t elaborate beyond a, “Got an email.”

Okay, not much information, but a lead.

Alex went to the kitchen, there was an uneaten bowl of soggy cereal on the counter and a phone on the floor. He threw the cereal away and toasted some bread before he picked up the phone and read the start of the email:

My dearest, Thomas

I hope the future finds you well. Yes, the future! I found this site in which you can write emails that will be send 10 years later, so I do hope you’re still using the same email address or this will be awkward.

You may be wondering why today? It’s not a particular date for us, but I’m writing you this email because I know I won’t be there when you read it.

I had another attack today, but you know that of course, though maybe you’ve forgotten all the attacks through the years. We’ve been doing this for over three years already and I know I have not been writing the dates down.

But none of that now, this was supposed to be a pick-you-up, because I love you, dearest.

Alex stopped reading, this was not for his eyes. He quickly did the math. Thomas had said she’d died seven years ago, this was written ten years ago, so they still had three years together at this point.

God, he couldn't imagine what it was like to know your lover was dying and you could do nothing to stop it, just prepare for the inevitable.

The toast popped out the toaster and Alex locked the phone, before putting the toast on a plate and getting a glass of water. He walked back to the living room and handed Thomas the food as he gently said: “Come on, you can’t be sad on an empty stomach.”

That got a small amused huff from the Virginian, which Alex counted as a win.

He ate slowly and in silence and Alex just waited for him to gather himself. This was not a date on where you expected the missing to hit, there were no fun rituals – like on a birthday – to keep or something to celebrate or commemorate.

Just sadness.

Sudden sadness.

Alex looked at Thomas, who softly chewed on his toast. He didn’t think dragging Thomas outside today would be good for him. He needed time to process the message, to think of what his late wife wanted him to know for when she wasn’t there.

He now regretted not reading the rest of the message, just so that he could have a grip on Thomas’s thoughts, but he knew it had been the right thing to do.

When the plate was empty and the glass gone, Alex announced: “Okay, we’re having a sad couch day, but you need to tell me how to operate your TV and where you keep blankets, because you need a blanket nest to be sad in, alright.”

Thomas blinked at him owlishly for a moment, then shook his head with muted amusement and whispered: “TV is just normal and there is a guestroom, second door upstairs, I keep the blankets there.”

“Good,” Alex got up, “Are you alright for a moment?”

The other only nodded. Alex didn’t like how quiet Thomas was. He might not be the loudest person, but there would always be a presence hanging around him that made him feel like the loudest person in the room and that was now completely gone.

Alex rushed through the house, dropping of the plate and glass in the kitchen and putting on the kettle, before taking the stairs two steps at a time.

At times like these he was happy he had top surgery, because catching your breath with a binder on fucking sucked and running overall was a bad idea.

The guest room was less extravagant than he’d expected. It was decked out for comfort and stylish, but it wasn’t over the top. Actually the whole house was more stylish than expensive just for the sake of being expensive, something Alex hadn’t realized before.

Of course, the only befores there had been were company parties that Thomas had offered to host wherein he showed off on purpose.

Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen pictures during those parties either.

He grabbed the blankets and some pillows from the guest room and went back downstairs carefully, he didn’t want to trip or drop the blankets, but he also just wanted to be nosy.

The walls were still void of pictures.

It tugged at Alex’s heart, his own walls had been bare before he’d met John and all his other friends and they’d filled it up over the years of happy moments, but Thomas had nothing. Though he didn’t have time to dwell on it now, he had more important matters to attend to.

Thomas was still in the same position he’d left him in, staring at the still turned off TV. Alex dropped the blankets on the floor, only scooping one out of the pile to drape over Thomas’s shoulders, before finishing the tea.

How strange, he mused as he made the tea, me and Thomas are neither tea drinkers, except on days like these, except with each other.

He walked back to Thomas and handed him the mug, relieved when the other took it gratefully and let the steam warm his face as he burrowed into the blanket slightly.

Alex was still concerned about the hunched over position, which was rich coming from him, he knew, but getting lost in work and fucking up your posture was different than getting lost in grief and fucking up your posture.

So, he gently pushed Thomas back into the pillow of the couch and Thomas went easily. For all the man could fight him on every little thing at work, he wasn’t putting up a fight now and Alex was glad for that fact, even if it was slightly disturbing.

Taking the blankets, he draped them over Thomas and himself after he’d grabbed the remote and put on a nature documentary.

Thomas gave him a bemused look and Alex was never more relieved that Thomas was judging him, anything was better than that empty look in those usually lively eyes.

“It’s soothing,” he shrugged, “and low effort.”

“Fair,” Thomas nodded, his voice hoarse and raw, making Alex regret not putting honey into his tea, because it sounded like it hurt.

They sat in silence as they watched a frog hop over a leaf while the narrator told them slightly horrifying facts about the creature in a monotone voice.

After about an hour of animal facts and nature relations, Thomas spoke up: “She asked me if I had any kids yet.”

Alex looked up, but didn’t speak, just let Thomas figure it out.

“We wanted kids, I think maybe me more than her to be honest, though she loved being an aunt,” he went on, “But with her condition, well, pregnancy was just too risky and when we knew just how serious it was… Neither of us wanted to make an adopted child go through losing a parent again, so we never had kids.”

He took a shuddery breath: “And then she asked if I had them, she hoped I found that and I don’t know-”

Tears were falling again and without thinking Alex pulled Thomas into his side and Thomas didn’t protest as he burrowed his head closer. He whispered: “I always knew she wanted me to move on from her, live a good life, but hearing it again after having time to process her being gone. It’s- it’s different.”

Alex just ran a soothing hand over Thomas’s back as he thought about that. After a second he slowly said: “Knowing and accepting are different things and sometimes one is harder than the other.”

Thomas mulled over his words, then said: “Well, I hate accepting.”

He didn’t tell Thomas that moving on was good, that it was healthy. Both of them knew that well enough, they must have heard it a thousand times from concerned friends. It was always meant well, but sometimes you just didn’t want to hear it, not in moments like these.

“She told me she had something to say to me, but she didn’t know what just yet and that she had to think about it and tell me when she figured it out, because she still had time,” Thomas broke the silence again.

“That- that must be hard to read,” Alex told him.

The other nodded into his side, then said: “I think I know what it is though…”

“Do you want to share?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, she- I never realized this, but she started telling me how I would do great things and I better have a picture of her with me so that she could see it. I keep her in my wallet. I always thought she meant in the world. Big responsibility to have on my shoulders, but I tried. For her.”

Thomas fiddled with the blanket, he wasn’t looking at Alex, but he seemed content to curl up in the shorter man’s side.

“But I’m suddenly startingto think that’s not what she meant,” the words sounded small and Alex’s chest constricted painfully. He didn’t know how he would react if something he’d believed about John for years would be ripped out from under him one day without warning.

“What do you think she meant?” he asked, trying to keep Thomas talking, maybe if he said it out loud it would make more sense than when it swirled around in his head.

“I- I think she meant that I would- ugh- it’s- you had to-”

“Take your time.”

“She was always telling me about the great things in life, but she loved The Lord of the Rings, those books and movieskept her company throughout all the hospital visits. Her favorite quote was: ‘Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that’s not what I found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folks that keep the darkness at bay’,” he explained.

There was a moment of silence in which Thomas hesitated.

“It might be stupid, but I think she subconsciously absorbed that. That for her the great things were the small things,” Thomas said, “I once took her on a simple picnic and she said it was the greatest day of her life.”

Alex nodded along, he could already see where this was going, but he let Thomas set the pace of the conversation.

“I think she meant that I would get to do all the little things that made life great, have all the milestones we never got to have, but she phrased it in her own Martha-esque way,” there was a smile in his voice as he said that.

“Did she always have her own way of saying things?” Alex asked, hoping to keep whatever was bringing that smile to Thomas’s face going.

“Yeah,” a success, “she read a lot and she listened to a lot of music. She played guitar, wrote her own lyrics too. She was great with words, much better than me. I think she just consumed so many ways people expressed themselves through words that she had her own dialect. It was completely English, but just slightly different. It’s hard to explain.”

“I get it,” Alex assured him, “She sounds wonderful.”

“Oh, you would have liked her,” Thomas said, sounding strangely proud of that fact, “She took the time to make fun of my magenta suits in her email to me,” Alex snorted at that, “And you both take no shit and it’s easy to talk to you.”

Alex was shocked at that, no one told him he was easy to talk to. He had opinions and would let you know immediately, making you debate if you disagreed with him. Sure, he could be charming, but he made you think when you talked. It wasn’t easy.

He said nothing.

“Apparently she wrote it while I was next to her,” Thomas suddenly said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I was asleep in a chair. It was after one of her attacks, I think I remember this one, because it suddenly got way more serious after that, it was the heaviest we had in months,” his voice trailed off into a whisper, “We’d thought she was doing better.”

God, Alex couldn't imagine and that voice felt like a punch in the gut, his arm reflectively tightening around Thomas.

“Fuck, in the email she said she still has time,” Thomas breathed, “I know it was still a while after that before she- she died, but- God, it fucking hurts, Alex. We knew we didn’t have forever, but reaching thirty would have been fucking nice.”

There was that all familiar anger at what could have been if faith hadn’t decided to be so cruel. Alex knew it oh so well and just watched as Thomas clenched his fist, but didn’t get up. The anger drained out of him almost as quickly as it had come and his heaving breaths turned into sobs.

And if that wasn’t familiar as well.

Alex quickly brought up the other arm and pulled Thomas into a hug. They were cocooned in blankets and cuddling on the couch and it should be weird, but it just wasn’t.

It seemed Thomas was done talking now, because he stayed silent as the time dragged on. Once Alex realized he wasn’t going to talk, he started humming. Alex had never done well with quiet, though he didn’t mind that much, but he more thought it would nice for Thomas to have something other than his thoughts to focus on.

They sat there until their stomachs decided it really was time for lunch. Alex offered to make it so that Thomas could stay seated, but while Thomas gratefully accepted his offer to make lunch, he followed him into his kitchen and sat at the table.

His eyes fell on the phone that Alex had left on the counter when he had made them tea. His fingers twitched, but he didn’t move any further than that, conflicted look on his face. Alex let him figure it out on his own and just focused on making French toast.

In the end he picked up the phone and stared at it for a moment, before putting it down on the table, screen down.

He pushed the French toast around his plate for a while, Alex didn’t say a thing, just watched him patiently. If Thomas didn’t want to eat that would be bad, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world for just a day.

It might be bad for Alex to let Thomas indulge in bad habits, but he promised himself he would make sure it was a one of thing. He managed to make sure Philip ate and slept enough despite his own inability to take care of himself, he could do the same for Thomas.

Thomas ate a few bites, it was hard to pretend to care about food right now, but Alex had tried and he knew Martha would hate him neglecting himself.

God, Martha and her stupid- No, he couldn't think that, she meant so well, but it just hurt. She should have told him.

Though that might have been worse.

He looked at his phone again, uncertainty creeping in. Would Alex think it was a bad idea to read the email again? He just wanted to know if he hadn’t imagined it. He hadn’t really committed it to his memory like all her other writings through the tears, but he doubted he would be able to read it without crying all over again.

An idea suddenly came to mind. It was a stupid idea, but Alex had seen him suggest multiple stupid ideas so it wasn’t anything new.

“Can you read it to me?” the words were out before he even realized.

“What?”

“The email,” he clarified, “Can you read it to me?”

“You’d want that?” Alex seemed unsure and Thomas could feel the doubt creeping in.

He shook it off, he’d made up his mind: “Yes, I just want to know the whole thing, but I can’t really read it, because I’ll start crying, so you have to.”

Alex hesitated for a moment: “Alright, if you’re sure…”

“I am.” Thomas unlocked the phone and handed it to Alex, trying to ignore how his hand shook slightly.

After a deep breath, Alex started:

“My dearest, Thomas

I hope the future finds you well. Yes, the future! I found this site in which you can write emails that will be send 10 years later, so I do hope you’re still using the same email address or this will be awkward.

You may be wondering why today? It’s not a particular date for us, but I’m writing you this email because I know I won’t be there when you read it.

I had another attack today, but you know that of course, though maybe you’ve forgotten all the attacks through the years. We’ve been doing this for over three years already and I know I have not been writing the dates down.

But none of that now, this was supposed to be a pick-you-up, because I love you, dearest.

I know I tell you all the time, but maybe you haven’t heard this in a while by now, so I’m telling you again. I love you so incredibly much and you deserve all the love in the world and I hope you have someone to remind you.

It might seem strange for your wife to hope you have found love again, but I truly do hope you went on to live a happy life with people who love you and make you happy.

God, maybe you’ll have kids.

If you do, tell them that their Aunt Martha is watching over them from the stars. I promise to guide their little feet home to you safely and sing them lullabies when they’re having a nightmare, just a song between them and the moon.

I don’t want my passing to be the end for you. I have seen your soul and I know there is so much in store for you, I just can’t place my finger on what, but I still have time to figure it out and I’ll tell you when I do.

Now that I’m writing this, I honestly don’t know what to tell you. I thought I would have a hundred pages ready for you, but I don’t.

You know that moment when you have dinner with someone, but you’ve been with each other the whole day, so you can’t ask them how their day has been? It’s kind of like that.

I have seen you the entire day today and if I hadn’t I can tell you in person in a bit, but by the time you’re reading this, you’ve had time to make new memories without me and you can only tell them to my grave or my picture.

This is so morbid. Sorry, dearest.

I could take more time to think about what I want to write you, but I have this strong urge to finish it now. It’s almost like I’m running out of time. I am, in a way. But I still have tomorrow, the doctors said I’ll make it through the night with no problem and I’ll be discharged tomorrow. They say I have a good chance at a few more years and by God I hope they’re right.

It’s ironic how you’re asleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair by my side as I’m writing this.

You stress too much. It makes you look old. I know I’ve always joked about you being an old man, but you don’t have to make it a reality by aging from the stress.

I hope the creases by your eyes become more pronounced than the ones on your forehead. I hope so many things for you and I hate that I can never give you all the care you’ve given me.

You’re a good man, Thomas. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I know you worry. You worry too much, just like the stress. Just promise me you won’t give in to all the doubt you create for yourself. Appearances aren’t everything, I know you care about style (the magenta suits are really taking it a bit too far, you are lucky I love you, you ridiculous man), but try comfort every once in a while as well, okay?

Now, I’m sounding like my mother, God this whole email has gotten out of hand…

Not that I had much of a plan to start with. I saw this and just had to write to you, to tell you how worthy you are and how much I wanted to have a forever with you.

It feels rude in a way to write you like this, you might have moved on, created a new life and I’m disrupting it from beyond, but I know you, Thomas, I know you so well that it hurts sometimes and I also know that you have a hard time letting go.

I hope you have that life we could never have.

I hope you’ve found a job that makes you happy, with a spouse that cares for you and a picket white fence that America tries to sell in every movie with a happy ending.

But I fear that you got stuck on us, on me.

And while I am flattered if that is the case (and not bitter if it isn’t, God I’m so happy for you if I’m wrong, dearest), then I want you to know it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to live.

God, this is one depressing sappy mess.

But we’re both kind of sappy depressing messes, aren’t we? You brought me flowers to the hospital today, you remembered my favorites are Virginian Spiderworts. Did you know they mean ‘momentary happiness’?

Momentary happiness, like I said: depressingly sappy.

I don’t know if I told you the meaning, but it is an interesting bouquet to bring to a hospital bed of someone terminally ill, you know? And I love you for it. Never change, Thomas, never change. Stay my sweet little dork, I beg you. If someone tries to change you, tell em no or I will come beat them up for you.

I will forever protect you, I promise.

I think this is good and if it isn’t you won’t really get to leave a review, so I’ll be safe either way. So, this is it, this is goodbye, for now at least. I still have the luxury of giving you a hug when you wake up and I’m gonna keep doing that till the end.

Stay strong, I love you,

Martha, your beloved wife”

In the end they were both crying and Alex was impressed with himself that he had managed to make it to the end. The email gave him more questions about Thomas, but he it wasn’t really the time to ask about his late wife’s protectiveness.

He cleared his throat after a moment and said: “Martha was amazing.”

That got him a surprised chuckle as Thomas’s breathing started to become more regular. He swallowed and agreed: “God, she was.”

“Tell me more about her,” Alex requested. He remembered how nice it had been to tell Thomas about John and he found himself curious about the woman that had enchanted Thomas.

“She was the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met, and I know Angelica,” Thomas started, Alex let out a small amused huff, “Martha- Martha was the kind of person you had to look at, you know? When she walked into a room, it got brighter.”

Thomas perked up considerably when talking about Martha. He was still slightly curled into himself on the kitchen chair, but he was at least making eye contact with Alex.

“I used to be overly anxious – still am, but I’m managing – and she was always there for me when I needed it. She was a spitfire, she talked when I couldn’t and stood up for me,” Thomas confessed, “I try to embody her when I need to make a presentation.”

Alex was taken aback by it: “I didn’t know you got anxious.”

“It’s better when arguing with you, I have to think too hard on how to counter you to think about stressing,” Thomas tossed out casually, immediately hoping that wasn’t too revealing, he’d already compared the man with Martha once today.

But Alex just smiled happily, though it seemed unconscious to Thomas’s eye.

“Martha never argued with me like you do, though,” Thomas mused trying to save himself, “She would just roll her eyes at me whenever I did something she found unnecessary.”

“Like what?” Alex raised a brow with amusement.

There was probably too much glee in the man’s eyes for the question to be innocent, but Thomas didn’t care: “Well there was one time a lady stopped me on the street and she asked if I did a lot of desk work, which I did, so I said yes. Then she asked me if it made my back hurt-”

“Naturally also yes,” Alex nodded.

“Indeed, so then she asked me if she could touch me and at this point I’m scared, but too far in to say no,” Thomas tells him, “So she just put her hand on my back and starts praying.”

“She blessed you?” Alex sounded delighted and disbelieving.

“Yes and I did not want to be there. So, I was sending Martha ‘come help me, please’-looks, but she just shook her head and watched me. I think she would have stepped in, if she didn’t think it hilarious,” Thomas rolled his eyes fondly, “She always asked me if I felt blessed whenever we visited a church afterwards.”

“That is hilarious,” Alex giggled at the story and Thomas felt a strange sort of pride that he made Alex giggle like that. He’d heard the other laugh before, but never giggle. It was a light sound that eased some of the pain in Thomas’s chest.

He smiled at Alex and admitted: “Maybe in hindsight it was.”

There was a natural pause in their conversation, until Alex asked: “How are you feeling?”

Thomas thought about it for a moment. The ache he’d felt in his chest when he had seen the email that morning had dulled. It was still sharper than on most days, but it didn’t feel as overwhelming and never ending as it had done.

“Better,” he answered honestly.

“That’s good to hear,” Alex said, “Do you want to go back to the couch and watch a movie? This time I’ll even let you pick.”

“Sure,” Thomas agreed easily.

“Great, do you have popcorn or something?” Alex asked, already moving around in his kitchen to check the cabinets, not even waiting for an answer.

“Upper left,” Thomas said after a while of watching Alex struggle to find it.

Alex looked up to the shelf, then back at Thomas, before he huffed: “This is just discrimination against short people.”

Thomas laughed, before getting up to grab the popcorn.

They stayed on the couch for the rest of the day, Thomas leaning into Alex’s side, neither of them caring.

For dinner Thomas made Mac-’N-Cheese and they ate while having a passionate discussion about whether the characters in the horror movie they’d watched had made the right decisions.

When Alex said he was going home, Thomas felt kind of sad about it.

“Goodbye, Alex. I- Thank you. For coming. You didn’t have to do that, but it was nice, so thanks,” he said awkwardly.

“Hey, anytime,” Alex smiled, “Besides, it was the least I could after what you did for me and-” he hesitated, “and you’re actually not that bad of a company now I know you better, so-” he shrugged, “did it with pleasure.”

Thomas smiled, it was genuine and crinkled his eyes in the way Martha had adored. He didn’t know Alex melted at the sight too.

“You’re not that bad either, Alex,” he said softly.

“Well, I see you at work,” Alex cleared his throat and stepped away then he looked back and added, “Don’t come in if you’re feeling shitty tomorrow, okay.”

“I won’t,” and Thomas found it wasn’t a lie.

Again, this is not a guide on how to deal with grief, for the love of god don’t take advise from fics. I have tried my best to make it not shit and somewhat accurate, but I can promise nothing.

I debated posting the letter separate of the fic, but it’s important to the fic and the chapter title, so I kept it like this even if it’s a bit clunky. I only decided here to make the flowers important and I thought it very descriptive of their realtions, since both knew it would end sooner than later, no matter how happy they got to be during their time together.

Also, the blessing thing actually happened to me, slightly different, but it happened. And no, I do not feel blessed and yes it was awkward and none of my friends came to my rescue.

[hongsside]

BITTERSWEET : : WYG X MNG

pairing :: everyone ✘ everyone ateez ( mingi and wooyoung focus ) 

hidden pairs :: mingi ✘ wooyoung, hongjoong ✘ seonghwa, san ✘ yunho, jonho ✘ yeosang

wc :: 3.3k

genre :: unfinished slow burn • “world against us”  • romance

tags ::  college party, college! au, onenight stand, conflictions, classmates

tw :: drugs, smoking, alcohol.

authors note ::  I wrote this based of a song ‘right here’ by chase atlantic (hence the multiple lyric quotes and dialogue in here), i hope you guys enjoy this and take it as a treat for i will leaving on another hiatus because of school starting up and the stress build up is not gonna do well with the friendship problems, schoolwork etc that i already have. i hope you guys understand that this means ‘Finally Us’ will not be updated in a while, i’m very unhappy with this but it must be done, thank you for reading and for the support i got with the first chapter of FU, i couldn’t be more thankful! - misty <3

⇱ ORIGINALLY CALLED NUMB ⇲

-------

(o´ω`o)ﾉ⌒･*:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･ ❝ ˡᵉᵗ'ˢ ᵍᵒ~ᵎ ❞

-------

mingi and wooyoung were at the peak of their college lives: partying every night, mid-term flings, drugs, alcohol, and the careless habits that would be developed. of course, they never knew each other; sure, they shared a few classes together and might’ve met eyes a couple of times, but that meant nothing to them…or did it?

the two young men weren't considered friends, nor were they considered foes; they were nobodies to each other, strangers in a way.

simply, classmates.

there were countless ways to put it. all wooyoung knew was that the group wasn't very fond of mingi, yet he could never pinpoint why.

both of them were split into two different friend groups, to say the least, which consisted of 4 men ranging from different social statuses; although ultimately irrelevant to this account.

--✯★✯

finals had just come to a close, a wave of leisure washed over the scholars as they turned to their end-of-year celebration; no, it wasn’t the school’s dance. god knows how everyone boycotted those no matter the circumstances. it was the party at one of the deserted mansions near the road alongside the school-- the authorities never bothered filing it as trespassing due to the property’s legal owner who turned out to be one of the high-class seniors in the student council.

god, they were all filthy rich-- from the janitor to the highest class students, everyone always managed to pull a fortune seemingly out of their ass. there were exceptions, of course, those were students that no one ever knew how they slithered through the cracks of the school, but it wasn’t that they fretted about them regardless.

while packs of students hopped over the rusted edges of the wired fence separating the school from the small patch of pavement leading to the open courtyard of the grand house. Others were settled inside already, cutting corners and exploring the rooms as the purple hue of the party lights bounced off the glistening façade of the expensive furniture.

it felt relatively uncomfortably expensive.

as the tiny packets of white powder were passed around and people headed off to the rooms upstairs, the roar of the rn&b music grew more resonant than before, so much so, that surely the after-school study groups back at the school would be able to hear it no doubt.

“i don’t think hongjoong-hyung would appreciate you taking that, wooyoung.”, said an ivory-haired figure, as he snatched a small packet filled with the white powder as mentioned before, from the not-so-unknown man.

“just once? please yeo-hyung?”, the other man shook his head disapprovingly as he passed the packet to a stranger passing by, rolling his body to the beat of the song playing in the distance, the echo bouncing discreetly from the empty dull walls.

“go play with your other hyungs, won’t you woo-ya? keep yourself occupied.”,  yeosang instructed, careless of his surroundings as he danced along with a different crowd of students. 

wooyoung bit his lip, nodding in reply. he observed the crowd, tippy-toeing as he sought for a bright blue-haired man, eyes glistening when he ultimately found him.

“hyung!- hongjoong!”, he asserted, pushing and shoving through the endless amount of drunk scholars that filled the already lethally crowded room.

wooyoung’s only goal that night was to get laid--- or to at least to find a fling to last him the end of the year. his hyungs wouldn’t allow him to take in any of the substances being shared, although they single-handedly knew he had already consumed them; they just wanted to prevent another reckless addict among the bunch, it was already enough with san. not to mention how protective they were of him, wooyoung was aware of why and he understood that he was like their little brother but sometimes it just felt like too much for him.

hongjoong turned his head, smiling at the younger man; he was certainly wasted out of his mind but regardless, he kept his cheeky grin plastered on his face. the younger man panned around, analyzing the face of the tall chestnut-haired man beside hongjoong.

“who the fuck are you?”

“wooyo-”, hiccupped the short man, getting interrupted by the voice of the stranger.

“park seonghwa, pleasure.”, he said, nonchalantly running a hand through his hair.

wooyoung let out a soft gasp, his lips parted in a not-so-subtle ‘o’. he was taken aback-- his best friend was seeing the student council president. he mentally slapped himself, how could he not recognize the student council president, yet the bigger question was, how did he never realize the two were dating

“oh my go- i’m so sorry hyung-” he stuttered through his sentence, scarcely perceptible as he spoke.

the couple smiled as seonghwa shook his head and murmured things that wooyoung couldn’t seem to recall as he reminisced on that night. as the lights flashed, before they knew it they were being escorted to a room by seonghwa--- that was after climbing up a long flight of lavish stairs that surely they could never afford to walk on; well, maybe except seonghwa.

while they passed some girls making out on the second-floor banister, not making too big a deal about it, they were led into a room in which the obscure smell of alcohol and sex lingered faintly. the odd-colored hair duo studied the room, eyeing the crowd of men scattered around the room. their expressions were painted with uncertainty, as they noticed their friends were already situated in the room along with additional unfamiliar men.

first, they saw yeosang, the man was immersed with the music, straddled onto the lap of a much buffer man by the name of jongho. his raven-colored hair fell a little above his shoulders and his hands were gently settled on yeo’s waist, securing him from a possible fall due to his drunk state. next, they saw san, who was already getting busy with a remarkably tall blonde boy-- assuming by the cup in his hand his name was ‘yunho’ written in black sharpie that was professedly rubbing off already.

the group of men continued to carefully examine the reckless mess in the room, watching as a redhead slightly taller than yunho poured another cup of whiskey for himself. the tall man exchanged it for san's empty cup and advanced to the pair of perplexed men-- seonghwa already cutting corners to another room, motioning for hongjoong to follow him.

the unnamed redhead lit up a joint, smiling as the orange hues illuminated his face giving the younger male a chance to study his complexion. his lips were plump and adorned by a small silver lip ring, his nose was prominent, and his eyes were much too powerful for him to grasp-- he was unbelievably stunning, and no one could deny it. the taller man passed the joint to wooyoung, chuckling as he noticed that the room once filled with pairs of their friends was now desolate.

they shared a quick glance as they puffed out clouds of white smoke, the stench of the haze slowly filling the room.

“name?”

“song mingi.”, wooyoung slightly tensed at the name, remembering the words his friends had exchanged about the man in front of him.

“don't have to ask you, mister jang.”, the taller man breathed, not giving much of a fuck as he continued to smoke the last bit of the joint before eyeing the other man up and down with haste.

“how do yo-.”

“irrelevant.”, he said smugly as they sat in the loudest silence of their lives; the music reverberating throughout the house, and the sound of muffled moans overlapping, fusing mutually to form a sonata essentially created especially for the party.

the colors they saw were vivid and not only that but almost excruciatingly painful to look at but ironically it was, at the same time, so blissful to them--- except this time, the vibrant rays of flashing colors did not belong to the party lights but instead their own euphoric state. the pair was in the clouds, their blood-pleasure rising by the minute, unaware of the various consequences their careless decisions would have in store for them. although it's safe to say they couldn't care less. their minds were spinning-- and their hearts were pacing. The music continued to reverberate softly throughout the walls of the house as they grew oblivious of their morning headaches that could kill, although they didn't know that yet.

as the clock chimed, one a.m., the two men would still be admiring the fading colors allowing the incoherent drunk words spilling out of their swollen lips to be overlooked. at that moment, wooyoung noted how he'd never found another man so attractive till he saw mingi's chiseled body splayed across the couch in an effortlessly charming way, wooyoung watched intently as he let out soft giggles and mumbles ad the younger man studied him in awe.

"another one?", he sang lighting up another joint.

"what if i pass or i-"

"one more, you'll be fine"

wooyoung could've sworn he went to heaven and back with mingi as he admired the blue glow of the stars he saw slowly reappearing in his eyesight-- he remained dazed by the redhead's display, meeting eyes in the process. meanwhile, the music which once resounded through the widish halls had moved far away until seemingly, little by little, the distance was much too far away to hear it-- the silence was broken by the sound of his sonorous voice.

“so..we gonna fuck or nah?”

--✯★✯

the moon soon rose above all, painting the sky with a fine shimmer of silver as the clouds masked the excellence of the dark-blue midnight sky. it was an enchanting sight, truly it was, but there was something about the way the distant sounds of heavy panting mixed in with the scenery of the moment.

--✯★✯

the next morning came with a hurry, awakening those in its path, as the smell of sex hindered in the now silent atmosphere to an overbearing extent. recalling the events of the previous night, wooyoung woke up, eyes fluttering open in an instant. his eyes adjusted to the change in brightness and carefully slithered from under the sleeping man's silhouette. the raven-haired man frowned slightly at the lack of warmth; he hoped it would've lasted longer but i suppose this wasn't the case. wooyoung scanned the room casually, unable to remember how he ended up in this unknown bed. everything seemed like a blur to him as he sat in such an empty square room in utter confusion; while he pondered on how he ended up in this room, he shifted uncomfortably from under the covers as he looked down and noticed he was nothing but naked. shocked by his discovery, wooyoung panned around in search of his clothes humming in approval as he found a shirt just below the desk, uncaring that it very much did not belong to him.

the clock chimed, six a.m., and wooyoung was almost out the door until the sound of mingi's trembling voice stopped him in his tracks.

“wooyungie? where are you going?”, he almost croaked, voice hoarse from last night's events which perhaps he wasn't aware of yet. wooyoung only stared in response, watching as the beams of the sun's rays shined through the cracks of the curtains.

“just going to get water.”, he lied, stomach curling in regret.

“ahh, alright i thought you were leaving me for a second.”, the sleepy man chuckled as he sat up, revealing his upper torso unintentionally. wooyoung smiled in return, walking to the kitchen to “quench his thirst”-- that was until he heard mingi utter drowsy nonsense again causing him to freeze.

"i don't wanna leave this bed..stay right here instead, woo.", the younger man hesitated, unable to process what he was saying and even more reluctant to not do as asked.

"i could've sworn you were right there.", the red-head continued, as he pointed to the vacant side of the bed that wooyoung had slept on. wooyoung chuckled, nearly forgetting about his initial plan of leaving mingi alone.

"you know we uh fu- umm that! right?", wooyoung said delaying his words in embarrassment. mingi only laughed.

"its cause you were high!", he interjected his own sentence, his cheeks slowly brightening to 50 different shades of red.

"i wasn't that high, i swear.", mingi chimed in defending his behalf with a joking tone. 

minutes passed and an unexpected form of tension arose. mingi's had darkened, his expression was no longer the lively expression it once was but rather it was substituted with stern eyes. the pair were seated side by side from under the covers of the bed, perhaps unknowing of what the other truly was thinking about.

"why did you really leave, wooyoung?", mingi hummed through nearly pursed lips. the raven-haired man's eyes widened, beads of sweat slowly running down his temple as he stuttered on meaningless excuses.

"mingi- my friends..they don't like you..-"

"i don't give fuck about your friends! i'm right here and it doesn't change that you slept with me!" 

"..and not only that, i'm the only one that hasn't walked out! i mean- look at my friends! i'm here!", he continued, growing impatient by the minute. mingi rested his head on his hands, frustration seeping out of his words. it's happening again.

wooyoung sat there, perplexed and guilty of everything he'd done. whereas mingi sat there in sheer hurt, remembering the great times they shared the night before.

"ill get going...i'm sorry."

--✯★✯

it's been three nights since the party and ever since then, wooyoung couldn't sleep. it felt like a year's worth of guilt had washed over him and the urge to call mingi grew stronger by the hour. his bangs fell before his eyes as he stared at the ceiling, watching the lifelessness of the white cover spread across the dorm.

his hyungs had noticed wooyoung's shift in attitude and grew curious of why their youngest "brother" had changed so rapidly.

"woo we gotta talk.", purred the quiet voice of the blue-haired man from behind the couch.

"about?"

"you."

the room became silent almost instantly, a silence so strong there was a fear within the men in breaking it. the remainder of the group filled the room practically on cue, and so the achingly awkward talk commenced-- but not in the way any of the men expected.

"why do you guys hate mingi?", inquired the youngest to their surprise.

"we-"

"answer the question."

"woo-ya, we're just afraid he might be a bad influence on you.."

"bad influence my ass, have you met san?", their eyes all darted to the man with eyes red with addiction, and he chuckled nervously knowing exactly what they were hinting to.

"not the point, we just want to know what's up with you all of the sudden? im talking about you not sleeping for three days after the party, wooyoung. we're worried about you."

"don't be, i'm not a child."

"we know-"

"if you knew so well then quit treating me like one and hiding things from me, thank you very much."

wooyoung stepped out of the room walking to the parking lot of their dorms as he reached for his phone and called the number he was once so reluctant to dial.

the number you have tried to reach did not respond, call again af-

the man sighed, hopping onto the rood of his car and sitting there ready to lose all hope that was seemingly never there, to begin with. he glanced up and watched at the glow of the stars lit up the sky alongside the same moon that shone over them three days ago.

he clicked the call button again, it rang and rang until almost impatience got the best of him.

the number you have-

one more time? he asked himself, what if he's busy? maybe his phone is dead? 

"baby, just pick up your phone.", he practically cooed out loud in hopes to hear mingi's voice on the other side of the phone. 

the number you have-

there wasn't anything he could hate more than hearing the sound of that voice. no, not his. never his.

he looked up to see the stars twinkle once more, getting ready to go back inside and endure the questioning that awaited him from his friends. he wasn't ready for what he would see when he gazed down though.

there he was, song mingi. he wasn't going to lie, he looked just as rough as he looked. the frame of his glasses was pushed up to the bridge of his nose and he carried two small blankets with him, passing one to wooyoung and he ran a hand run his disheveled hair. the younger man stared at him, eyes fixed onto his in astonishment, why would he drive here when he could easily just answer his phone?

mingi hopped onto the top of the car, taking a seat next to the raven-haired silhouette without a single word. they observed the stars together, watching as they flickered from afar; occasionally humming in admiration.

"i'm sorry, mingi."

"there's no need to apologize.", he murmured eyes still set on the sky gleaming with beauty above him.

"but-"

"no 'buts', just look at me. i'm the one who's sorry..but..do want an apology gift? you can't say no."

wooyoung let out a noise of puzzlement before nodding hesitantly. "close your eyes, silly.", mingi snickered slyly, and that's the last thing wooyoung saw before being given the gift that would be forever with him, in his mind, in his body, and that was more than enough for him.

"you ready?"

"this isn't a pregnancy announcement right?"

"no, you dummy.", he giggled softly, wooyoung couldn't see it but the way he imagined made it seem as if there was a work of art before him.

"yes, i'm rea-"

time stopped when mingi's lips met his, interrupting him slightly. his heart pounded in his chest as his body gradually got weaker. the younger man could only concentrate on how soft he felt against his lips, how addictively he kissed him in a way that wasn't filled with lust but rather love and affection. wooyoung couldn't get enough of the way the cold metal of his lip ring brushed along his lips, giving him a distinct sensation he'd never forget.

 he couldn't tell if he dreamed this moment to life, but there was raw passion in the way his hands cupped his cheeks fondly as if he didn't want to let go. mingi kept his half-opened gaze on wooyoung, sneaking adoring glimpses at him now that he wasn't looking, just to make sure this moment wouldn't be forgotten. 

he wanted to remember the way wooyoung's eyes fluttered open and sparkled in a way so similar to the stars they had been looking at, he wanted to see his face when he kissed him in his dreams.

and this time he wouldn't be high for that.

but there was a sense of bitter sweetness to it, they both knew their friends would never approve. They knew the stares they would get from their friends, they knew exactly what they would say to them when the interlaced fingers but, did that really matter to them?

perhaps it would matter to them then, but surely not know. it all felt like a false reality to them? maybe even a dream, a dream they'd dread waking up from. but it wasn't. they were there in the heat of the moment, together under the stars sharing an unforgettable kiss that spoke like a poem and could say things that not even 1,000 words could say.

surely, it was like that poem wooyoung once read...

"even if the world is against us, the love we share is enough to put the world beneath us."

they pulled away, catching their breaths as they rested their foreheads on each other. he couldn't help smile like an idiot hoping that the darkness of the night would mask his flustered condition. it's not like mingi wasn't doing something much different, except he was basking in the moment pulling away to cup wooyoung's cheeks one last time, loving the way his face was glazed with the divine mantle of light belonging to the moon.

"i love you, idiot."

"i love you more, silly."

end of story

all work by hongsside

[yourlatitude]

indemnify. (ii)

Gaius find himself trapped in her eyes. She got into his head and all he wants is to hurt her like she did. But he couldn’t. Not when it cause him a greater pain for himself.

(18+ Trigger Warning. Explicit. Smut. Heavy one.)

The story is set long after the last war with Rheya and Gaius is confused with his purpose. The story may sounds disturbing, but that’s how Gaius and Lily-Rose functioning at first. They seeks justification and solace for their loved one.

(Bloodbound: Gaius Augustine x Lily-Rose Raines (OC))

PART I. PART II.

i.

She stares at her mother’s painting for an hour straight. If she opens her cap, everyone will start to look at her instead of the painting. Lily-Rose realized the resemblance between her and her mother is uncanny with a splash of her father here and there. Thank God her parents are gorgeous.

She usually visits this museum until late, waiting for a certain person to come and do what she’s doing right now. She saw him first in the history book. Then every time her mother touched her when she’s feeding. Then in her dreams. And last time was in her connected dream with her mother that turned her eyes permanently red. Blood red. Doing nothing to conceal her true nature as a vampire.

Not that she tried to hide. Humans and vampires live together in peace now, with a little of stupidities here and there of course. She can walk under the sun, somehow, and doing just fine with eating human food. So she never had the urge to hide. She was born past beyond those hardships era that her Godmother, Kamilah, often told her when she was a child.

Her senses tingling when she smells him. She quickly moves from her spot and let him have his usual spot. He is earlier than usual. Tall, dark-haired, piercing blue eyes, sharp jaw, and sharp structure of his face. He is sharp everywhere. Even his smell is too sharp to her liking.

Lily-Rose has been stalking him for a month. After endless dreams and nightmares with his face in it, she couldn’t take it anymore. She needs to find him.

Gaius Augustine stands in front of her mother’s painting as always. 30 minutes minimum. Just staring at her like he is praying to her. Lily-Rose doubt that he is praying to any God. Yet his eyes always looking at her mother as her mother is his religion. Well, her mother is some kind of Goddess to many vampires. Including her father.

But this man killed her. While she was just a lowly human. Helpless one. Why is he praying to her now? Is he praying to her face? To her strength?

Lily-Rose aches to touch him. To get inside his head. To find out how to hurt him like how he hurt his mother. The last connection she had with her mother almost killed Lily-Rose in the process. Her mother’s memory of him was too unbearable. She faced death too many times. And Lily-Rose could feel it too real. Like she is the one who’s being stabbed.

You know, her hair is actually not that wavy in real life? She said, finally ready to face him.

He said something then turn around. She walks closer to him, let him watch the face he worshipped turned into two.

Adora. He whispered enough for Lily-Rose to hear.

ii.

Every time they met, the fucked.

Not like Lily-Rose hates it. He had her body under his control. But his emotions? She got it right under her palm.The more they touched, the more she reads his mind. And the more confused she is.

He wants her. Did he got confused to think that she is her mother?

She feels his pleasure every time he hit his release, spilling into her. But she also feels his guilt and shame. Should she be sorry for him?

Fucking no. He killed her mother. Tortured her. Killing so many people. He deserves none of her sorry.

“I let you taste your own sin, Gaius. I make you do what you love the most.  Making sins.” Lily-Rose said what she always wanted to say.

And he lost control on top of her. Everything just spilled into her. His fear. His pleasure. His guilt. His shame. His anger. His jealousy. His desire.

He cried her name. Lily-Rose grips his back, crying on her own.

She wanted to hurt him, but little did she know that she is just her mother’s daughter. She feels his hurt when she stills in his head.

iii.

“You get what you want. Now leave me alone.” He said as he gets off from her.

Lily-Rose, spent and confused, staring at him unmoved as the male one get off from his bed and sit in the dark.

"You can fuck me. All you want. But never, never get into my head again." He hissed at her. She stops her sobbing and sits down, "I can't hurt you if I'm not inside your head."

"Well, congratulations. You just did. Does it make you feel better?" 

Betrayal. Too much betrayal in his stare.

"No. Shockingly no."

"I spent centuries, fucking centuries, having women inside my head. Controlling me. You aren't welcome inside. This?" He points to his head, "You can't have it." 

She can feel her hand trembles so hard. She never feels this way before except with her mom. He feels terrible in her touch. His mind is too... too much in her touch.

"What is this thing you feel inside your head, Gaius?" her question came as a whisper.

"Fuck! Just go! Just fucking go!" His words come out as a loud groan. Shockingly, she is not afraid. 

Pity. She feels pity.

Lily-Rose just stares at his blood-red eyes, unmoved. A second later, she is alone in his room. Gaius Augustine is nowhere to be found.

iv.

"I was born in sunny July. In the middle of somewhere in Italy. My birth was a shock, and unimaginable. My mother had to give up walking for 6 painful months with me inside her belly. I was feasting her inside her belly."

Fast pregnancy for too-fast growing fetus like her. She almost killed her mother.

After their last encounter, she couldn't find Gaius everywhere for 3 months. She couldn't smell him anywhere besides her own body. Now he is here, in the middle of nowhere in Barcelona.

"How the fuck you find me?" Gaius turned around. 

Her heart suddenly drops to his belly at his sight. Too much pain. It's too painful for him to look at her.

"Our minds were linked before. It took time, but I know how to spot you again." She said, walking closer and close their distance. She lifts her hand to his cheek, staring at those blue eyes for a sign of rejection before she places it on his cheek when he nods.

"Adora could find you?"

"Anywhere. She could find me anywhere."

He closes his eyes and she can instantly feel his emotions. Solace and fear. Which one is for her?

"I can feel Adora in your blood."

"Well, she is my mom?" Lily-Rose chuckles.

He opens his eyes, "I couldn't feel Adrian on you."

She sighs and pulls back her hand, "She fed me her blood. It's crucial to keep me alive and not turning into feral."

"Why don't they just kill you? I couldn't imagine Adrian will agree to see someone feeding on his Adora."

Gaius' word hit her hard.

After she was born, it took 2 years for her father to be able to hold her. The fear, the anxiety, and little hint of hatred filled those blue eyes for the first year of her life. Well, she almost killed the love of his life. She couldn’t blame him.

“I bet someone already had those ideas in their head, but mom wouldn’t let them.” She smiles. Gaius nods and pulls something out from his pocket.

A picture of her mother.

“This is the last solid piece of her that I have with me. You wanted to hurt me that badly? Here, take it.” He said as he offers the piece of paper into her hand. Lily-Rose stares at the picture. All it takes to hurt Gaius Augustine is Adora Raines. That’s why it’s so painful for him to look at her face.

Lily-Rose has her mother’s face.

Those brown eyes, sometimes turned red, full of compassion and love. The only pair of eyes that never looked at her like Lily-Rose is such an unimaginable thing. To her mother, Lily-Rose is just Lily-Rose. Her baby. Her little baby vampire.

She knows she is different as long as she remembered. Everyone has been having a very good job of reminding her. She wasn’t turned. She was conceived. Adrian Raines got her mother pregnant and voila, the most unimaginable thing popped up to be her.

“I was feeding on her for a long time. My body growing so slow. It took me 30 years to be fully grown, like an actual adult. Like this.” she said.

Gaius looks at her for a minute, eyes travels down from her head to her feet. “And you grow up to be beautiful.”

v.

They spent their time mostly together. Barcelona, Milan, Moscow, Warsaw, Cannes. Mostly tangled in the sheet together. They fucked and fucked. Cried and cried. She let him. And he let her.

The touch of his skin and his emotion on her palms become too addictive to her. He always had new emotions with him every time they fuck. How can he handle that much emotions in one time?

Lily-Rose never tried to get inside his head again. Hurting him means hurting her. Hurting him means involving her mother. And she doesn’t want it. When his cock is inside her and it’s her name that he screamed through the night, she doesn’t want any other female hurting him in his head. No one but her.

“Do you have to touch someone to get inside their head?” He asked one night after their intimate session. Lily-Rose nods, “I couldn’t get into their head without touching like my mother did.”

“Is it painful? To have your power?”

For a second she sees worried in his eyes. “No when they are not hurting. Yes when they are hurting. But mostly I don’t really care about everyone’s pain. Just several people.”

Gaius holds her hand, kisses it before place it on his forehead. A second later, Lily-Rose bursts into tears. The loudest cry she ever cried. The hardest cry she ever made. Her sobs are chocking her painfully. Blood red eyes blazing through in the middle of New York’s midnight.

“Am I hurting you, Lily-Rose?” Gaius whispers as he kisses her tears.

vi.

She told him about her dreams. The one that took her brown eyes. And all other dreams about him inside. In exchange, he told her about his past from his point of view. None like the one written in history books.

They travel together in daylight. Even with his anti-sunshine technology, it still drained him a lot. Gaius still mesmerized by the fact that Lily-Rose doesn’t get affected by the sun. They walk by day and fuck by night.

After long fuck, drained and satisfied with their marks on each other, they just lay down and talk. About her world and his world.

Lily-Rose could feel a little less shame and guilt in his eyes. In exchange, she feels devotion and fear. But she doesn't complain as she feels that in her too. Maybe they linked their minds too strong. Maybe they fucked too much. She just doesn't care.

Gaius sees less of Adora in her. She just looks like Lily-Rose now. Maybe he realized too much Adrian's features on her face or maybe he had too much of her smell around him to think about anyone else.

They walk around, finding someone in need. She is a doctor. Sometimes she is Dr. Lily, sometimes she is Dr. Adrienne, and sometimes she is Dr. Anna. They changed their names in every place they visit. Only at night, they call themselves their real names. An endearment of intimacy.

Her mother knows. Adora knows that Gaius is fucking her daughter.

Once they accidentally met on a busy road in Berlin. It surprised him that he couldn't even realize her sooner. Gaius was too busy picking oranges for Lily-Rose when he saw her. Across the road, holding Adrian's hand. 4 of them exchanged glances for a minute before Adora and Adrian suddenly gone in the middle of the ocean of people.

"She said I smell like you." Lily-Rose chuckled as she sniffed herself.

He won't complain.

"What are you thinking?"

She whispers, stirring in her sleep before opening her eyes. Blood red eyes.

"Why don't you find out?" Gaius asked.

"You know I promised I won't get into your head unless it's urgent."

She did promise it.

The moonlight making her eyes glow more than usual. If he has to drown in blood, her eyes are the only blood he wants.

"It's okay. I give you permission. You won't hurt me." he guides her hand to his forehead and closes his eyes. A couple of minutes passed, and he opened his eyes to find her sobbing.

"What are you doing to me, Gaius?" She sobs.

"It will take longer than you could imagine, but please don't hurt me again. If you leave, it will be the greatest pain for me."

Her eyes glow in desperation. Yearning.

"I don't want to hurt you no more."

Gaius pulls her face to his, "Then stay with me."

God, whichever that is, finally granted his wish. 

After 3 years of yearning, she kisses him.

They find what they looking for.

Solace. Purpose. Justification. Chance. Acceptance. Forgiveness.

[truthofherdreams]

is this clickbait? (1)

also on ao3 + read the first instalment

SURPRISING MY GIRLFRIEND’S SISTER WITH A SHIBA PUPPY!!

Peter Kavinsky • 3.5M views • 4 days ago

 “Hello Catherine,” he greets her the moment she opens the front door, putting the camera in her face to distract her from what is happening in his minivan behind her.

Thankfully for him, Kitty eats this shit up as the resident extrovert of the Song-Covey household. “Well hello there, Vogue.”

“Are you ready to answer 72 questions?”

“Sure, let’s go!”

Lara Jean was the one to submit the idea, to have an excuse for Kitty to parade in front of the camera without her suspicions being raised. Peter can’t believe it’s working so well – she accepted the idea immediately and even pitched him questions he could ask her, to the point where he actually kinda feel bad about tricking her into believing all of this shit is real.

Kinda. Not really though.

“Where are we exactly?”

“This is the house where Lara Jean and I live and work. Pretty, right?”

“Amazing,” he agrees, playing along. “So, what’s your favourite thing about video editing?”

“Having a special folder for bloopers,” she replies with an easy grin. She’s apparently been compiling bloopers about him too, and he’s not exactly looking forward to what she’ll do with the footage. “But mostly the storytelling process. How editing and music can change an entire video.”

“Any interesting projects beside LJ’s cooking videos we should know about?”

“Maaaaybe,” she teases. She sent an application for a film school last week, but the information isn’t public yet, not until she gets an acceptance letter. “I’m working with Chris on her gaming videos, too.”

“Woah, that sounds fun!”

By now they’ve made it to the kitchen, Lara Jean in the right corner of his camera, sitting at the island with her laptop. He winks at her and she grins back. He wonders how long it will take before people comment on that – probably five minutes.

“Are you ready for a little dare?” he asks, focusing back on Kitty.

Bless her little kitten heart, she doesn’t notice anything wrong yet, simply offering him and smile and a shrugs as she exclaims, “Sure!”

With the hand not holding the camera, he grabs the small scarf tucked into the back pocket of his jeans and shows it to her. “I need you to lie down on the floor and put that on your eyes.”

She freezes.

Her face falls.

“What’s this? David fucking Dobrik?”

Peter can’t help but laugh out loud, especially with how Lara Jean is laughing too now. So much for keeping this video PG, thank you very much Little Covey.

“What is it? Is it a spider? Is it a snake? Is it a spider?! Cause we found out I’m allergic to spider bites when we were in Korea so–”

“It’s not a spider,” he replies, trying but mostly failing to be serious. She cracks him up so much. “Just cover your eyes, okay?”

“I hate you,” she states coolly, even as she snatches the scarf from him and wraps it around her head. Immediately, Lara Jean dashes outside to help Gabe. “I hate you so fucking much.”

Still, she sits down on the floor of the dining room, arm stubbornly crossed over her chest, and pouts in his general direction, before she lies down. She doesn’t move, only startles a little when the front door slams – well done, guys – but otherwise doesn’t even reach for the piece of fabric above her eyes.

Gabe shows up with the puppy, the cutest little furball he’s ever seen in his life, all roasted marshmallow levels of adorable. Gabe moves closer to Kitty, whose head moves at the sound. Thankfully, the puppy doesn’t whine.

“Okay, we’re gonna put it on you so don’t be scared.”

Which is exactly the opposite of what she does, wiggling a little as she gets herself worked up again. “I don’t care that you’re dating my sister, if it’s a snake I’m going to – oh my GOD, PETER, WHAT IS IT?” She breaks into a scream when Gabe drops the puppy on her chest.

The puppy starts sniffing around, wet nose against her neck, and she yelps again. Even Lara Jean is losing it now, leaning against Peter for support. He doesn’t even think twice about it when he wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer to him.

“Okay, open your eyes.”

She all but ripes the scarf from her face, only to freezes at the sight of the puppy’s face so close to her face. It sniffs her a little, then licks her chin, but she’s too shocked to properly react.

“It’s a puppy,” she says, slowly.

“She’s about to cry,” Lara Jean whispers, low but now low enough that the camera won’t catch it. “Just watch.”

Kitty is sitting up, puppy now in her arms, and she looks up at Peter with wet eyes. If she starts crying he might do too, and it’s only going to end up messy and overly emotional.

“Merry Christmas, Little Covey.”

“You got me a puppy?!”

And then, yeah. She’s crying. Big tears and loud sobs, hugging the puppy to her as it licks her face and whines happily at being cuddles. Its little tail won’t stop wiggling, which is the cutest.

Lara Jean laughs, and it comes out wet too. When he looks down at her, she has tears in her eyes. He kisses her temple without really thinking about it, holding her a little bit closer.

“Do you like her?” he asks Kitty.

“It’s a girl?” she asks back, holding the puppy up to check. “This is so much better than a spider!”

 CovinskyIsLove 5 hours ago

like if you’re crying

View 15 replies v

 HearMeRoar 3 days ago

when lj started crying too and peter comforted her i felt that

View 8 replies v

 groffsauce 2 days ago

My sister’s boyfriend is a dirtbag who doesn’t even pay for their dates and this motherfucker gave Kitty a puppy? What the shit???

View 15 replies v

…

 QUEER IS THE WORD

Lucas Krapf • 1.8M views • 5 days ago

 “So people have been blowing my mentions since last video because of point three seconds of Peter and LJ in the background,” Lucas announces to his camera, one hand holding it while the other rises to rub against his hair. “And people keep asking if they really are that cute all the time. So, here. Look what we have to deal with on a daily basis.”

He’s walking toward the kitchen now, where most of the gang is gathered. Unsurprisingly, Peter and Lara Jean are side by side, bodies glued to each other. It’s nothing unlike what has been going on during the past few months, but Lucas still noticed the slight differences since New Year’s Eve – they’re more comfortable around each other, especially LJ. It’s almost unnoticeable, especially when you don’t know they were faking it before that. But Lucas knows. And he notices.

“Look at that,” he exclaims, camera zooming in on Peter’s hand in the back pocket of LJ’s jeans, like it’s the most natural thing in the world to do. Which, it isn’t. They’re the only two idiots in this world to be that lovely cosy with each other all. the. freaking. time. “What kind of heterosexual nonsense?”

LJ and Peter both turn at the same time, and his camera zooms out and moves up to capture their twin expressions of surprise. Peter’s hand still hasn’t moved, because they’re disgusting like that.

“Who are you calling heterosexual?” Peter asks.

Chris lets out the uglier, loudest cackle in the history of humanity, because that’s just how Chris rolls on a daily basis. Homegirl has no sense of modesty or etiquette, she’s wired like that. And he loves her for it. “Peter Pan!” she exclaims, holding her hand up for Peter to high five.

“Peter Pan!” he replies in the same loud, cheerful voice, hand slapping hers above the kitchen island. He turns back to Lucas then, more serious. “But don’t film my girlfriend’s butt, thanks.”

“Why?” LJ asks, falsely innocent. “It looks great on camera.”

Lucas cuts on Peter’s dumbfounded face and another cackle from Chris.

 …

 Calling Chris’s bedroom a “bedroom” really is about semantics. Like, yes there is a single bed in a corner, so technically it qualifies. But Chris’s room is her video games room, first and foremost. Her TV setting takes over most of the space, what with how many consoles she owes. Two full walls are floor-to-ceiling shelves of video games in their boxes, Funko Pops and other geeky paraphernalia. There’s her computer and her gaming chair in a corner. More cameras and recording material than Lucas knows what to do with it. So, really. Not a bedroom.

And the best thing is, she always has snacks for when she’s playing and for when people are playing with her. She’s taken to stocking Pocky boxes for LJ, next to her own gummy bears. Freaking adorable, how close those two girls are now. Like sisters. White and Asian sisters.

They’re playing Mario Kart, and Lucas is just filming, ‘cause he’s bored and he needs content. LJ getting competitive over nothing is always fun, not to mention clickbaity. So yeah, Mario Kart, camera, Japanese snacks. The best of the best.

Chris is getting worked up over the Rainbow Road, like you do, when her phone starts lighting up like a Christmas tree. Which is weird – she’s usually so very good at not having her phone around when she’s playing, because it keeps her focused not to have to worry about her notifications. The only times she purposefully has her phone around is when she’s doing a special Twitch live and she needs to check her donations.

So Lucas’s attention zooms in on her phone, obviously. “Who’s Veronica?” he asks.

It’s an innocent enough question, but Chris tenses and LJ is distracted enough that her Yoshi falls down the Rainbow Road. “Wait, Veronica Veronica? RomanticRonny Veronica?”

Chris does a very bad job of pretending to be chill, her eyes never leaving the TV screen but her shoulders tense as shit, her knuckles white around her controller. “Yeah, we’re texting,” she replies, fake casual. Damn.

“Didn’t she make a come-out video like, three months ago?” Lucas asks, just to watch her squirm. He can always edit this part out if Chris asks him to, that’s chill. She’s just as open with her sexuality as Peter and Lucas are, but it doesn’t mean he will post about her crush if she doesn’t want him to. Privacy and all that, they’re pretty good at this stuff with each other.

“Did she now?” Chris replies-asks, with a shrug. Bad Acting 101. “Not that it matters or shit.”

“She’s texting again,” Lucas points out, when her phone lights up again.

“How about you shut up, Krapf?”

He only laughs.

 SapphoBitch 2 hours ago

is2g if any of you comes with a ‘queer is a slur’ because of the title i’m going to cut a bitch bc Peter identified as pan AND queer in his coming out video and Lucas and Chris are both chill with it too so stfu u ignorant terf-sounding assholes

View 39 replies v

 Song Bakery ✓ 4 days ago

7 billion people in the world to choose from and he picked me. Of course I am okay with that aspect of Peter’s identity, why wouldn’t I be?

View 73 replies v

 PizzaSlut 3 days ago

we stan one (1) progressive, unproblematic squad

View 9 replies v

 …

 Who knows me better? challenge (boyfriend vs sister)

Song Not-Bakery • 3.7M views • 2 days ago

 “Hi everyone and welcome to my second channel!” Lara Jean greets the camera with a little wave. “It was a long time coming, and it’s all because those two right there bullied me into doing it.”

“Kindly,” Peter clarifies. “We bullied her kindly.”

“Cause that makes it so much better,” she tells him, forcing herself not to grin when he wrinkles his nose at her adorably. This man will be her undoing. “Anyway, it’s all Kitty and Peter’s fault and they’re both extra competitive, so what better way that to start this channel than with a competition about me?”

“Which I’m going to win, because I’ve known her the longest,” Kitty chimes in.

“We’ll see about that,” Peter replies, hand already hovering above one of the two call bells Lara Jean bought for the occasion. Peter was playing with it for ten minutes before they even started filming, and she made a mental note to hide them well once they’re done, for her own sake.

“Each question gives you one point,” Lara Jean explains, all business, ignoring how Kitty and Peter are flexing and silently talking shit at each other from across the table. Most competitive people she knows, indeed. “And the winner gets one favour from the loser, as long as it’s decent.”

“Peter buying me Taco Bell every day for a moooonth,” Kitty singsongs.

“And healthy.”

“Peter buying me by Chloe every day for a moooooonth,” Kitty amands.

“Better,” Lara Jean replies, while Peter tries his hardest not to burst into laughter, all tight-lips and puffed cheeks. “Okay, get ready! Question one! What’s my Hogwarts house?”

Kitty hits the bell so fast it flies across the table. “Hufflepuff!”

“Point Covey!” Lara Jean agrees. “Which movie did I quote in my high school yearbook?”

Peter and Kitty share a look, before he tentatively rings the bell. “Amélie?”

“Correct! Point Kavinsky,” she replies, smiling at his preening.

“How do you even know that?” Kitty asks him, suspicious.

“Your dad showed me all your embarrassing childhood pictures,” he replies with an easy shrug. They went to visit two months ago for her dad’s birthday, his official meeting with Peter. Which went really well for the two of them, not so well for Lara Jean when he dad got all the family albums out. She had to steal Peter’s phone from him so he wouldn’t do anything stupid, like share with the world. “You look cute with pigtails, by the way.”

Kitty pokes her tongue out at him.

“What’s my birthday?”

They both attack the bell, but Kitty is faster. “May 15th.”

“Point Covey. What’s my favourite colour?”

Peter is faster. “Blue.” Then, turning to the camera, “And she looks super pretty in blue.”

Lara Jean barely manages to hide her blush behind a laugh as she moves on the the next question. As expected, Kitty and Peter get more and more worked up with each question, yelling their answers and sending the bell flying more than once. She can’t help but laugh when Kitty throws herself above the table to try and steal Peter’s bell, to prevent him from winning. He holds it above his head, too high for her to reach even when she jumps.

They go on like that for half an hour, Lucas keeping track of points behind the camera and holding his laughter back all through filming. Not all heroes wear capes, after all. She’s almost done with her questions when he shows her the mini whiteboard, announcing 12 points each.

“Okay, it’s a tie, so last question to win the game.”

Kitty points to her eyes with two fingers, then to Peter, then to her eyes again. Both their hands hover over the bell, ready to pounce on it. The tension is thick in the room.

“Who’s my dream guy?”

Peter yells the answer before he even hits the bell, “Gilbert Blythe!” Then, ignoring Kitty’s look of pure disbelief and horror, he turns toward the camera with a smirk that shouldn’t be quite as smug as it is, given what he is talking about. “Because he’s smart, and handsome, and loyal, which makes him Lara Jean’s dream Hufflepuff boy. Kavinsky out!”

“Kavinsky win!” she agrees, grabbing his wrist to hold it like he just won a boxe match instead of a little Youtube competition.

Kitty makes a big deal of pouting and folding her hands on her chest, the perfect image of a sulking child. It only makes Peter laugh harder, of course, because he can be a real jerk when he puts his mind to it. Not a mean jerk, but he knows how to push Kitty’s buttons, how to make her snap just enough to make it entertaining to everyone involved, even Kitty.

“So that’s it for today, guys. Check out Peter’s channel and Kitty’s Instagram account, links in the description, and don’t forget to like and subscribe for more videos like this one! Bye bye!”

 CovinskyIsLove 2 hours ago

Smart, loyal and handsome? Wonders who that describes perfectly hmm hmmmmmm… Not fooling anyone, LJ!

View 19 replies v

 TeenageNinjaTurtle 9 hours ago

Kitty is so fucking hilarious she needs to be in all the vlogs! More Kitty!

View 6 replies v

 MrsKavinsky 2 days ago

The Gods of Youtube have listened and given us LJ’s second channel, we are so blessed!

View 12 replies v

[thefredricus]

New Year Surprise (☆▽☆)

I hope you’re all having a lovely New Year’s eve! I have something special for you all tonight: My very first Ripto fanfic! (<-- Link!)

This is the daruma doll that I made a promise to at the beginning of 2018. The promise was to write and publish a fanfiction before New Year’s. I originally planned to write for another fandom, but things happened, yet I decided that I didn’t want to break the promise I made to myself and burn the daruma doll.

However, I decided to split the story in two chapters. The first one was just published and ready for some reading! The second one is on its way and will be posted later this week. I’m so excited to share this with you all! <3 

You can either read it below the cut, or go to AO3 and read it there!

Year of the Dinosaur

The sun scorched the cloudless azure sky. Waves were seen lapping against a non-existent shore along the horizon, as non-existent trees reflected in the mirage. But the heat was real. The sand that stung their eyes and nostrils was real. The hunger, thirst and fatigue -- they were all real. The outskirts of Skelos Badlands at solar zenith showed no mercy to the broken duo. Ripto ran a sleeve over his brow to wipe off a disgusting lump of sweat and dust. He wasn’t accustomed to the feel of a new set of scars and still open wounds that ran across his face. Not only did they ache, but they made him feel hideous, even though he hadn’t dared to look at his own reflection since that night. That fateful night… He quickly shook himself out of his stupor.

“Gulp! Is that mountains I see over there? Or is it just another hallucination, like the time you tried to drink from that oasis and ended up with a mouthful of dry sand,” Ripto spat between chapped lips.

The massive quadruped grunted guiltily under Ripto’s frame as he walked and looked away, embarrassed.

“Well, it’d better be! I mean, how far could that bonehead have gone? Crush can’t go more than five minutes without food, we’d have found him dead by now-”

Ripto’s last words echoed out in rough coughs that left the small, wounded dinosaur gasp for air. He clenched his chest with both arms and bent forward in a sickly bark. Reflexively, he reached for one of Gulp’s horns for support, but he crabbed nothing but air and fell forward, rolling off his companion’s muzzle and into the sand below. He felt panic build in his stomach, climbing up his chest, oozing in his throat like acid that ate away everything.

Is this where it was all going to end? Did he escape one hell just to get flung into another?

Ripto’s thoughts were caught short when he felt a tender touch against his forehead and a breeze of warm air that brushed his skin, leaving him with momentary comfort. Gulp hummed softly and kept nuzzling his master, ever so gently. Ripto exhaled slowly, lifting his hands to his companion's face, pressing his forehead against the gentle giant.

“At least I can count on you,” he whispered, more to himself than anyone.

Struggling to get out from the molten lava and grasp whatever debris he could find was an ordeal in itself. Feeling every part of his being burn like a thousand suns on top of that would have been too much, if he wouldn’t have been so excruciatingly headstrong -- and if he wouldn’t have had some help from a certain green dinosaur who pulled him out from the burning inferno and who stayed at his side to nurture him back to as close as what health could be, given the circumstances. After Avalar was reclaimed, with the help of a filthy dragon no less, all dinosaurs were banned to the deserts and crags of Skelos. Whatever vapor Ripto ended up in there and then, finding Crush seemed like a good idea at the time. Better to reunite the trio, he thought. Better wallow in each others’ company, he though. But right now he was not sure if he could even think at all. His head was spinning, his mouth was as arid as the endless dunes surrounding him and his delusions blended seamlessly into reality.

“Are those mountains real, Gulp?” Ripto persuaded, even though they seemed to be miles away.

He could feel the big dinosaur’s snout lifting him up. Slump, the fallen king lay across his servant’s face. The weight of his heavy head and his agonies left him incapable of sitting up. His vision blurred as he faded away.

“Gulp... Take us there.”

***

Ripto’s consciousness returned along with a throbbing headache against his temples. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was seeing double when he opened his eyes, his pupils nothing but sharp slits in the brightness. The sun stood seemingly lower on the sky now, however, and with the sinking sun a cold night would follow. The thought of him staying alive for that long gave him a little bit of comfort. Just then, Gulp stopped abruptly and nodded a gesture, Ripto nearly getting flung off in the process.

“Gah! W-what are you doing, you-”

The irate dinosaur locked eyes with his servant, who now gestured enthusiastically with eyes and eyebrows for his master to turn his head. Having no choice, unless he wanted to get shook off again, he spun his horned head around, the rest of his body still laying flat on Gulp’s snout. Ripto’s eyes grew big in surprise, as his gaze met a large cavern protruding from a vertical crag in the sandy dunes. Partly because the crag was indeed not a mirage but a real, hard mineral formation, and partly because it was coated in a much familiar scent. Ripto sniffed the air. Ungraciously he slumped off Gulp’s wide muzzle and continued sleuthing, ignoring the grains of sand that got stuck in his nostrils and mouth. It smelled stale. It smelled of dinosaur. It smelled of flesh and blood. Ripto wobbled forward.

“Crush? No more hiding, we crossed this god-forsaken desert only to-”

Stale. Crush wasn’t famous for smelling of roses, that was for sure, but… this smelled wrong. It smelled of death. And when a dinosaur of Ripto’s size scented death, it ran. But there was nowhere for him to flee.

It all happened very fast when the lava lizard attacked.

All Ripto could see was a blur of sharp teeth plunging towards him, like an extension of the gaping maw in the rock itself. He wasn’t sure if it was deeply rooted survival instinct or sheer luck that made his body move on its own, throwing itself to the side and dodging his assaulter’s deadly strike. Stuck face-down in the sand, all Ripto could hear was a bone-chilling snarl that sent shivers down his thin frame. The noise eventually died out and a minute of silence followed. Or perhaps it was less than a second. Ripto couldn’t tell. Maybe it was an hour. Just as he was about to get up and shake it off as another hallucination, a heavy foot dug itself into the back of his head, forcing him harder down into the ground. One of the predator’s curved claws clicked against Ripto’s horn, once, twice. The helpless dinosaur felt the grip tighten around him. And then--

The pressure lifted in the fraction of a second, followed by a guttural roar and a blow that shook the earth around him. Yanking his head from the ground, Ripto realized that Gulp had rammed into the lava lizard head first, making use of his body mass and sharp horns to force their attacker off balance. The lava lizard scrambled back onto its feet as quickly as it had fallen, and it wasn’t quite until now that Ripto realized how massive this creature was; a monstrous biped standing a good three meters over the ground, with rough scales draped in a deep burgundy making it look like it just climbed out from the depths of hell. From its forehead grew a twisted horn, much like Ripto’s own. To complete the nightmarish image, its long jaws housed a jumbled mess of fangs and tusks. Ripto could only imagine how much of him there would have been left had the attack succeeded. Seeing Gulp and the lava lizard at a standoff was truly like witnessing a clash of giants. Ripto couldn’t help but feeling very small and insignificant. More so than usual.

Empty handed with his magic scepter long lost, he was helpless against this adversary. So he resorted to doing the only thing he was good at.

“Gulp! Finish it off! Kill it! KILL IT!”

Gulp didn’t need any second command to motivate him further. He swung his horned head into the side of the lava lizard once more, except this time the creature came prepared for his onslaught. With nimble hands, it grasped Gulp by the jaws and bit down his neck, more to catch the quadruped off guard than to do lethal harm. Gulp roared and shook his head frantically, foam flying from the edges of his mouth.

“Behind you, BEHI--!”

Ripto’s cries were in vain, as the massive red lizard shifted and chomped down on Gulp’s back, away from his victim’s reach, and sunk his hellish teeth deep into the green dinosaur’s rind. Gulp’s roars turned into howls that shattered the dead silence of the desert. Using all of its strength, the predatory dinosaur took advantage of the moment and pushed Gulp onto his side. Gulp flailed with his clumsy legs in the air, kicking someone who was out of reach, his mouth foaming and eyes tearing. The lava lizard slowly released his bite with a shrilling wheeze, fresh blood running between tusks and fangs, dripping down on Gulp’s leafy green skin.

Ripto couldn’t look away. Being a predatory dinosaur himself, he knew what was coming next. His companion’s vulnerable underbelly was dangerously exposed for the lava lizard and it would only take moments before a chunk of flesh would be pulled from his chest. Gulp would be eaten alive and Ripto would stand there and watch. Until the lava lizard wanted dessert.

There was really nothing but one option at this point. Ripto inhaled through his nose, puffing himself up like a bird ready to fend off a much bigger rival, and let out the loudest and most fearsome war cry he could ever muster. Then he leapt forward as nimbly and fast as he could, ignoring the tough resistance of sand and grain under his feet, dashing towards Gulp, up over his fallen body and jumped -- claws out, fangs bared -- against his enemy.

When Ripto fell into the pool of lava in Winter Tundra, he remembered that the impact had hurt a bit. But the actual sinking had strangely enough not been that intensely painful as one would imagine. That said, it wasn’t by any means a pleasant experience. His whole body was assaulted with what felt like a million needles that pricked him just at the surface, never truly going under the skin but still causing him plenty of discomfort. The suffocating, however, felt oddly… nice. Relieving, in a way. It felt like a warm hug that embraced him from the inside. He didn’t panic. His mind just slowly wandered off. He didn’t think of the dragon that did this to him. Nor did he think about how small and insignificant he was. Sinking into the lava, he felt bigger, somehow. Maybe even stronger. He couldn’t remember for how long he drifted, lost in oblivion, until all those millions of needles all at once decided to

PIERCE HIS SKIN.

Ripto gasped and filled his lungs with the dusty desert air. But it felt like his lungs never filled up completely. The lava lizard had seen the small dinosaur’s attack miles away, and simply snapped at Ripto, locking him shut in his jaws. Pointed teeth chewed Ripto’s skin and that warm, familiar feeling bubbled up inside of him. But that was only for a second. The lava lizard spun around and flung Ripto effortlessly, but with great force, into the crag horn first. Ripto’s mind went black the moment his head hit the rock.

***

When Ripto woke up again, the air was quite cool. So was the cavern floor he found himself laying on. The contrast from the searing heat was relieving and the air felt much easier to breathe. Ripto’s mind begun wandering back, but his body was still paralyzed, spread out in the darkness of wherever he was. After a minute or so of doing nothing, Ripto had found himself to have let out a monotonous moan ever since he woke, which he ended with a masked cough. Self-aware, but still laying flat on his back with limbs spread out, he scanned what parts he could of his surroundings with half-closed eyes. All he could see was naked rock hidden in the faint light. He slowly turned himself over in an attempt to sit, but vertigo got him immediately and the tiny dinosaur slumped back on the ground nose first. Ow. Something stung him. He opened his eyes and gently raised his head. Some sort of sticky twig was stuck to his delicate snout. He shook his head fast, but that only made him dizzier and the little branch only seemed only to attach more.

“Argh, what the-!”

Furiously, he clawed at his own face in an attempt to free himself of the nuisance. That’s when he noticed that the twig was covered in -- what he assumed to be -- tiny thorns. More enraged than his energy levels should allow, he grabbed the twig from his face with both hands and ripped it off like an old, glued up band aid. Ripto grunted out loud and grinned in anguish, his eyes tearing up. He threw the prickly branch as long as he could muster, only to notice that it was still attached to his hand after the throw.

“Oh, come ON!”

After shaking his hand frantically up and down and back and forth, the little piece of plant finally let go and soundlessly hit the cavern floor. Ripto used his free hand to rub his eyes while cussing under his breath. Blinking back his focus, still a bit wobbly, he tried to regain his balance. It was when he scanned his new home once more that he noticed something odd at the center of the room, a faint shimmer and a very familiar fragrance. Spreading his eyes wider, slit pupils dilating, he had to stare for a good moment to make sure his senses didn’t betray him. There was a smooth depression in the rock which almost looked like it was handmade, and it seemed to be filled with clear, fresh--

“Water!”

Ripto waited no longer. Endless days of thirst with nothing to quench himself but dry, rough sand caught up with him and before he knew it, he plunged himself at the water source, stuffing his whole face into the craggy bowl, not drinking but rather devouring the water inside. He even swallowed gulps through his nose, but he didn’t care, he wasn’t going to stop until every last drop was gone. He would soon find out, however, that the container was somehow refilling itself from the bottom through a pipe-like tunnel that went through the stone, where it must have originated in a freshwater spring, like an oasis. Grabbing the rocky water bowl with both hands, he pulled his head up from the much needed drink and gasped for air, as he caught up in the moment and forgot that dinosaurs can’t breathe underwater. Then he just stood there, silently staring at the water surface, watching as the liquid slowly filled up the small basin. That was the first time in a very long time he had seen his own reflection. He couldn’t tell if the reflected image looking back at him was distorted because of the bubbling water gurgling up from within the depths of the cave. Every part of him seemed to boil, bubbles rising up from under the surface, as if they tried to break free from inside of his skin. A part of his jawline had ripped open, revealing his red gum and sharp teeth beneath. His eyes looked more like dull, scratched up glass beads than real organs. The crooked tip of his horn was missing. The point where it had broken cried brown tears of dried blood.

As the water came flowing back, so did Ripto’s senses and his body woke anew, piece by piece. With it returned the aching of his head, torso and limbs, and the painful memories that accompanied every part. He could feel a distinct stabbing in his chest and with it came the memory of almost being bitten in half by a giant monster. Ripto clenched his small chest with his hand. And noticed-- that it was sticky. Blood? No, this wasn’t it. Looking at his fingers, sniffing, then carefully licking the alien substance with the tip of his forked tongue, he figured it must be some sort of sap. Gasping, he took another look into the water mirror. The tip of his horn was also clogged with the brownish glue, different from the streaks of dried blood that ran down along it. It was almost as if it had been applied there deliberately. Ripto turned around, touching all over his small frame with quick, clawed fingers. There, another lump of sap on his right shoulder, and, oh, it was even on his back too, at the place where the lava lizard’s teeth had pierced his skin. There was even some on his kneecaps and elbows, easily noticeable through his torn attires. Dancing around the room in this curious manner, Ripto misplaced his foot on something that made a cracking noise.

“Ow! What on- YEAGH!”

He had stepped on the prickly twig that was stuck in his face just before he had found the water. Skipping up and down on one foot while swearing excessively, he tried to pull off the unrelenting plant now attached to the underside of one of his feet. While doing so, he noticed that the surface of the cavern floor wasn’t all cold stone. There were leaves. Plenty of them. A pile of it was arranged as bedding, which Ripto must have woken up on. After having forced off the prickly brush and sent it flying a good few meters, Ripto brought one of the leaves up close to his nose and sniffed it. Its scent had a distinguished familiarity to the twig and sap. Could this be-

“Catbat claw?”

Ripto raised an eyebrow. He was indeed familiar with this plant. Dinosaurs, critters and humans alike had used this brushy desert plant as a medical complement since the beginning of time. It grew sparse and only in inhabitable places, but he remember that they always kept some at home when he was a child. It was named after those pesky animals because the thorns were needle sharp and slightly curved and once they got hold of you, they wouldn’t let go. The thorns of course didn’t possess any medical properties, but the leaves did wonders as pain relievers, and the sap could be used to help stop bleeding and speed up the coagulation process. Furthermore, it covered up the smell of blood which could attract other, bigger monsters.

The handmade water basin and leaf bed, the roomy cavern, the Catbat claw -- Someone had saved Ripto and brought him here. Someone was nursing him back to health. But who? Had Crush found him? Ripto looked up. The cavern was dark, but he could still make out a rugged ceiling. Had his horn not be broken off at the top, he would have barely been able to stand straight in the innermost corner of the cavity where he woke up. Past the water bowl in the center of the room, the cave widened as well as the ceiling got higher, but it was still much to small for Crush, or Gulp for that matter, to fit. Besides, Ripto though, Crush was dumb as a doornail. He would never know about the Catbat claw, or be able to apply it as delicately with those huge hands of his. Crush was good at crushing, not nursing, or cooking, or anything at all for that matter.

“And it’s all because of him I’m in this awful mess,” Ripto whispered to himself through clenched teeth.

The thought escaped him immediately as a scraping noise could be heard from the cave’s entrance. Ripto flinched and quickly looked in the sound’s direction. The light outside was dim and cold, and whatever source illuminated the outside world just barely made it possible to distinguish the outlines of the cavern mouth. He stood still for a good few moments. Then the noise stopped. Ripto’s heart pounded fast against his tiny ribcage, and despite trying to stay unnoticable with teeth tightly pressed together, heavy breathing from his nose would betray him. But silence had laid a blanket over the cave and that perked Ripto’s curiosity. Slowly, he tiptoed towards the entrance gap of the cave. He stuck his nose out first, then carefully the rest of his face, eyes deadly focused forward, as if balancing on a tightrope over a canyon. The air against his face hit him as chilly, but not freezing. He cautiously examined his surroundings. Instead of seeing desert sand or dusty, empty plains ahead and around him like he thought he would, he saw more vertical rocks to each side. His gaze climbed down the rock’s surface. There were even more rocks, and it went on for as far as his vision could reach. The air lay completely still and the silence bounced between the high cliff walls. Was he truly up in the mountains, the very mountains he thought he had seen before while on Gulp’s back? Then he looked up. It was night. He didn’t see the moon. But he saw a vast sea of stars. Ripto had always enjoyed nighttime with the twinkling and sparkling of millions and billions little stars. But this was something else entirely. The stars here were drowning the black vastness of the universe, illuminating the sky with whites and yellows, blues and reds. He could hardly even make out any common constellations, because between every zodiac there were countless tiny specks merging into one another, making the ocean of stars more like one enormous celestial body. It was mesmerizing. He may have felt very small that night, but he also felt very alive.

[citious]

CHAPTER 1

Characters

Main: Song Jiwon, Yoon Jinmyung, Jung Yeeun, Yoo Eunjae, Jo Eun, Kang Yina, Im Sungmin, Kwon Hochang, Jo Chungwon, Seo Janghoon

Supporting: Lawyer - Jo Eunhee, Prosecutor - Jung Jaechan, Han Gwanyoung, Wife - Kim Haesook

In a nutshell: A follow up from the open-ending stories of Belle Epoque girls. Has Eunjae moved on from her first breakup? How will Teacher Han’s case unravel? and last but not least, is it the beginning of the end in regards to Ssongsungmin’s friendship?

Rating: T

9th February 2018

Though Kang-eonni isn’t exactly a member of the Belle Epoque anymore, she often comes over. She and Jo Eun are now familiar with each other, so the 6 girls are very cose now. On some occasions, the girls would have a feast party every month or so, and Kang-eonni would stay overnight, occupying the sofa until the next morning. Belle Epoque has practically become her second home.

During one of the gatherings, the Belle Epoque girls swarmed the living room and had a feast of chicken, beers, and decided to play truth or dare. It was a no-guy meet-up, so the girls could be comfortable playing. Using spin-the-can-of-beer method, the girls decided whose turn it would be.

Eunjae got picked. The girls waited for her choice to either answer a question truthfully, or do a dare as requested.

Eunjae: Uh… this is a hard choice

Yina: Ya, come on. This is just a game, and it’s just between us anyway.

Hearing Kang-eonni’s explanation, Eunjae made her choice.

Eunjae: Truth.

The girls got excited to hear Eunjae’s choice as there are many things to dig out from one of the maknaes in the house. Without further ado, Yeeun swiftly raised the question.

Yeeun: Have you ‘done that’ with Chungwon?

(Oh wait. If you don’t know what happened yet, Eunjae and Chungwon finally got together in the end.)

Flashback

20th December 2017

Up until the end of 2017, Eunjae still couldn’t move on from her first love, Jongyeol. It was her first love and boyfriend at the same time, so it’s super hard to forget about him.

Chungwon knew all these because every time he fetched Eunjae after class outside her lecture room, she always didn’t listen to his greetings and instead tried to find Jongyeol, obvious by her eyes that followed where Jongyeol was going complete with her habitual sulk. At first, Chungwon is cool with that as he understood her feelings and how bad she must’ve tried to move on. But this time, he couldn’t hold it anymore.

The two headed for lunch at a restaurant near the campus. While eating, Chungwon decided to talk to Eunjae.

Chungwon: Eunjae-ya… you still haven’t moved on from him?

Eunjae being Eunjae, her eyes expanded in shock.

Eunjae: …what?

Chungwon: The guy who’s in your class. Your ex. You haven’t moved on from him?

After much hesitation, Eunjae continued.

Eunjae: Yes… I’m so sorry… I’m not supposed to do this, but I just can’t seem to forget about him :’(

Chungwon: No… it’s okay. We all go through that process. To be honest, I also experienced the similar things as you are now.

Hearing that, Eunjae’s expression turned curious.

Chungwon: I met her during uni orientation and from there, we dated. But it only lasted for 7 months. She felt that her feelings for me was simply an infatuation from the start, so she dumped me. To be honest, even though I might seem tough, as a guy, I was hurt too. I did so many memorable things with her, and for one month since the breakup, I couldn’t concentrate at all, I even get scolded by Sungmin-hyung countless times because I lost focus. But you know what?

Chungwon’s question made Eunjae even more curious.

Chungwon: I finally learnt that it’s impossible for me and her to start all over again, because we’re just not meant to be anymore. When Jiwon-sunbae told me to go on a blind date with you that time, I was actually still recovering from the breakup. I wanted to meet other people and do normal things again.

This statement made Eunjae a little surprised.

Eunjae: Gosh, so that’s what happened? I was moving on from my ex too at the time. I’m sorry if I was being rude or weird at any point.

Chungwon: Oh, it’s fine. You didn’t do anything wrong. I actually found you cute. I never met anyone who’s as honest as you were. So when you suddenly appeared at the university newspaper office, I was surprised and happy that you came.

At that moment, Eunjae’s mind suddenly stopped thinking about Jongyeol, and realized just how patient and nice Chungwon is for the past few months. She thought, maybe it’s God’s will that Chungwon is there for her.

Long story short, Eunjae and Chungwon got together in the end. On New Year day. And yeah, she got her New Year’s kiss with Chungwon. He’s always there for her and he’s been the best companion in many things. He’s not pushy about fulfilling his sexual desires. From Eunjae’s experience, she thought that’s the best a guy can assure her about.

Eunjae’s New Year’s first kiss ended with Chungwon as the mass countdown event and the fireworks ended. Chungwon held Eunjae’s small hand, and took her away.

Eunjae was already in front of an open door to an apartment. She stepped in, guided by Chungwon who walked backwards, gazing at Eunjae’s charming eyes.

Flashforward - Truth or Dare

Eunjae: Well… (She grinned). I’d say… almost?

Everyone (Jiwon’s voice was the loudest): MWOYA!!! I thought you said you picked truth. So tell us the truth!

Flashback - New Year’s

The door behind Eunjae automatically closed and locked itself, while the two headed towards the double bed that’s positioned at the end of the small studio apartment, making out. The kiss got deeper and rougher, but as they reached the climax, Eunjae suddenly pulled herself back, trying to catch her breath while she sat on Chungwon.

Chungwon: Are you okay?

Eunjae hesitated for a while…

Eunjae: I’m okay, but…

Before she could finish her words, Chungwon continued-

Chungwon: It’s okay, Eunjae-ya… We don’t have to go that far if you don’t want to. Take your time. It’s not your body that I want. I truly love you for who you are.

Eunjae: Oppa…

Right at that moment, the two gazed at each other for 5 seconds, before Eunjae moved to cuddle beside him and kissed him once more. This time, as softly as she could, fully expressing her gratitude and affection for her boyfriend, whom she promised to grow together with. The two slept soundly on the same bed as the time read: 3 a.m.

Flashforward - Truth or Dare

Jiwon: Ya! It was so close! How did you hold it in???

Yina: Sshhh! It’s just her. Not everyone can do it easily for the first time.

Jiwon: Aish, it’s so nice that you all have had boyfriends, what about me? I haven’t even kissed anyone ever… If I did, I think that’s with my golden retriever who already died when I was in 6th grade.

Jinmyung, being the oldest of the girls, contributed her two-cents.

Jinmyung: Jiwon-ah, the time will come. Just be a bit more patient. I’m sure God has set a soulmate out there for you.

Eun: ayyyy, It’s so obvious that you and Chef Park are having so much fun together ;D

Just like that, the girls kept laughing and teased each other until as the time ticked and the night became darker.

11th February 2018 – Belle Epoque (2 days later)

It’s Sunday morning and everyone was starting their day lazily.

Jiwon walked outside her room while yawning and stretching her arms, finding Yeeun who’s already sitting down on the dining table holding her pink phone on her right ear, smiling cheek to cheek.

On the phone…

Yeeun: So, what are we planning to do on Valentine’s day this year? Ah, really? You don’t want to tell me? Is it a surprise?

Yeeun kept smiling. This time, she curled the strands of her long hair with her fingers.

Yeeun: Arasseo, I’ll wait. Eung… Love you. See you later!

Seeing how happy Yeeun looked made Jiwon feel empty.

Jiwon: It’s nice that you have a boyfriend. You have so many fun things to do. Meanwhile, I’m single and have to go back and forth to meet with Teacher Han’s victims to discuss the case.

Jiwon walked past Yeeun towards the bathroom.

Jiwon: I’ll do my morning business first!

Yeeun: Ya! There’s no need to tell me that!

Just then, the toilet door closed. Eunjae then came out of her room.

Eunjae: Yeeun-sunbae, are you excited for today?

Yeeun: Of course! It’s my first time having a double-date XD. So how? Did Chungwon say he can go?

Eunjae: Of course, he just called me.

Yeeun: Arasseo, Let’s get ready!

Eunjae: Ok ^.^

Eun then came out of her room, with a gloomy face. She headed straight to the sofa, staring blankly at her phone. Noticing what’s happening, Yeeun initiated to ask what’s happening.

Yeeun: Eun-ah, what’s with your mood? Did something happen?

Eun just stayed still, still looking at her locked screen phone. Yeeun and Eunjae approached her and tried to get something out of her. Suddenly, Eun burst out crying. Jiwon and Yoon-sunbae simultaneously came out from the bathroom and bedroom to approach the girls.

Jinmyung: Eun-ah, what happened?

Jinmyung gave the others the look – trying to ask if anyone had any idea of what happened. Yeeun and Eunjae shook their heads lightly as a response that they don’t know. Being clueless as she always had been,

Jiwon blurted: Is it because of your man who’s in the army? Why? He hasn’t called you yet? How long has it been?

As soon as Jiwon finished her bombardment of questions, the other girls finally grasped the situation. Eun finally opened her mouth.

Eun: A week. He hasn’t called me for a week. I miss him so much. I really don’t know how to handle this. It’s been almost 5 months since we dated and since he enlisted. We haven’t even spent that much time together, but he left me here to serve the military. I know he can’t always have the privilege to call. I even heard some soldiers had to prove themselves every week to make a single phone call. It’s been a week now, and I’m so worried that something might have happened :’(

Hearing Eun’s story while she sobbed made the hearts of the girls sink deep. They gave Eun a group hug.

Jinmyung: It’s alright… he should be okay.

11th February 2018 – Military Training Ground

A group of soldiers gathered at a field. A few soldiers were lined up in front.

Janghoon: PRIVATE SEO-JANG-HOON

Army Senior: Private Seo Janghoon, you’ve shown an incredible result in the military training. As a result, you will be promoted as an assistant sergeant of the platoon and will be granted a 5-day off holiday period. During that period of time, you can go back home and spend time outside the base, but be reminded that you have to report back no later than 15.00 hrs on 18 February. If you fail to do so, you will see what happens.

Janghoon: PRIVATE SEO-JANG-HOON ACCEPTS THE COMMAND GIVEN! SALUTE! *smiles cheek to cheek*, looking excited and happy.

11th February – Seoul Café

Back in Seoul, Chungwon and Hochang apparently have arrived at the café where they’re supposed to meet at for the double date. The atmosphere between the two guys were so awkward, but Chungwon opened the conversation first.

Chungwon: Which year and major are you in?

Hochang: I enrolled in 2015, this is my 2nd year. I’m majoring in Software engineering. You?

Chungwon: oh, you’re a year ahead of me. I’m a 2016 student, majoring in journalism.

Hochang: Ah, arasseo. So you’re my junior?

Chungwon: Yes…

Just when their conversion was about to turn awkward all over again, Yeeyun and Eunjae arrived. Both boys raised from their seats as they smiled to welcome their girlfriends. The boys sat next to each other, facing the girls.

Yeeun: Have you guys waited a long time?

Hochang: No, we came not long ago too.

Eunjae: Ah Yeeun-sunbae, this is Chungwon, oppa, this is Yeeun-sunbae.

Both Yeeun and Chungwon exchanged their greetings. To break the silence, the boys asked what they wanted to order at the same time, and the four people laughed the scene. In the end, the boys went to order together. Those two couples looked happy as their first double date with an awkward start turned out to be a fun date after all.

12th February 2018 – University Newspaper Office

Jiwon is back, investigating Teacher Han’s sexual assault case. Since her hoobaes are helping her out to find information for the past 5 months, she felt more relieved. But she couldn’t help the fact that the case still scared her to death.

As Jiwon sat in the meeting room, Sungmin who just arrived at the venue walked towards Jiwon and tapped her shoulder.

Sungmin: Let’s go.

Jiwon who was zoning out, worrying about the case, switched her expression instantly and replied:

Jiwon: let’s go let’s go!’

In the car, Sungmin looked at Jiwon who was zoning out on the passenger’s seat.

Sungmin: Are you okay?

Jiwon: *sighs* No, I’m not okay. I’ve been dealing with this case for over 5 months now, and even if more and more victims have emerged, which increases the chance of conviction, I feel even more scared. But it’s going to go well, won’t it?

Sungmin: We’ve got a lawyer and a team of prosecutor who are helpful towards this case, and don’t you realize the kids back at the uni are all helping us to find all relevant information? You don’t need to worry, because there are so many people backing us up. Where’s the Song Jiwon who’s always full of spirit?

Jiwon: You’re right. I don’t have to be scared.

At the lawyer’s office…

Lawyer Jo Eunhee: Oh, you two came together again… 

Eunhee tried to confirm whether Jiwon and Sungmin are dating or not

Jiwon: ahh HAHAHAH of course we came together, he’s my servant.

As Jiwon uttered the word ‘servant’, Sungmin stared at Jiwon in disbelief and stayed quiet as he always does.

The meeting started and the lawyer, Jiwon and Sungmin discussed about the case.

Jo Eunhee: Compared to our first trial in October, I think we can be 99% sure that Mr. Han will be convicted at tomorrow’s hearing.

Those words of assurance coming from the lawyer’s mouth made Jiwon’s expression full of hope and light again.

Jiwon: really? O.O

Eunhee: Yes, you know I never bluff to my clients. From the meetings that I previously had with the witnesses, I can really assure you that we now have enough evidence to charge Mr. Han as a sexual assault offender. Jiwon-ah, the reason why I called you here is because we just got a lead from the prosecutor’s office.

Jiwon and Sungmin looked at each other in reflex, with their eyes goggling like never before.

Jiwon: What kind of evidence?

Eunhee: A voice recording.

Jiwon and Sungmin who were already taken aback by the fact that there’s a substantial evidence found, were even more startled upon hearing the emergence of a voice recording evidence.

Eunhee: So, after a thorough investigation, the prosecutors found out that Mr. Han actually has a wife, but she’s in the hospital now. Dementia. You can probably guess what happened.

13th February 2018 – Court

This time, Jiwon is not going in as a plaintiff, but rather as a spectator in the court room, as the charges are now coming from the prosecutors.

The time read 9.53 a.m., at 10 a.m. sharp, the final trial will start, where the verdict will be announced by the judge at the end. The Belle Epoque girls including Kang-eonni is there. Yoon-sunbae also took a leave from the office, so she could join the final hearing as well. 

Of course, we can’t leave out Sungmin who’s apparently always beside Jiwon at every important occasion.

Sungmin stood at the side while the girls gathered to give the final support to Jiwon. They’re all aware of how hard she had been working for the case. Sungmin knew all the girls already, but he’s not very familiar with Kang-eonni as it’s his first time meeting her.

Yina: Jiwon-ah, he’s your friend?

Jiwon: Yeah, he’s from the same newspaper club

Yina: ani, that’s not what I meant. Why didn’t you tell me you have a guy friend like that?

When Kang-eonni blurted that question out, the other girls stayed quiet but at the same time curious because Jiwon clearly always complained about not having a single guy in her life, while in reality, she does. A loyal one at that.

Jiwon: Well, I don’t see why I have to talk about him. showing her straight out ignorance.

Upon hearing her answer, the girls sighed all at the same time. Suddenly, Sungmin poked Jiwon’s shoulders with his two fingers.

Sungmin: Hey, it’s time….

As the squad entered the court room, Sungmin sat beside Jiwon and stared at her, who looked as worried as ever. He really wanted to hug and assure her that it will be alright, but he held it in. 

Kang-eonni who’s known for her quick-wittedness on relationships, caught on the situation right away.

The audience, prosecutor as well as Mr. Han and his lawyer were seated on the designated spaces. The court room door behind the audience closed as the judges proceeded to the Bench. The hearing started right after the attendees raised to respect the judges.

Judge: Prosecutor-in-charge, you may read out the opening statement.

Prosecutor Jung Jaechan:

Today, on 13th February 2018, we’re holding the final hearing on Mr. Han Gwanyoung’s case.

His crime is having committed repeated sexual assault towards his female students when he worked as an Art Teacher in several institutions à primary school, junior high school, and senior high school.

A total of 4 victims have come up to the prosecutors’ office and they all have suffered from long-term depressions as a result of sexual trauma caused by the offense initiated by the defendant.

At the time when the sexual violence took place, the victims’ age varied. They were 9, 13, 15 and 17 years old. Therefore, the Act on Special Cases Concerning the Punishment of Sexual Crimes as well as the Act on the Protection of Children and Juveniles from Sexual Abuse will constitute the charges pressed upon the defendant.

Continuing from that, the prosecution will be charging the defendant for life-imprisonment. In addition, he will be liable to pay a total of ₩30 Million in compensation towards the victims’ rehabilitation programs.

That’s all.

As the judge acknowledged the opening statement, witnesses (victims) came out one by one to provide their accounts. Despite constant denial and objections raised by the defendant’s spokesperson, the court seemed to lean more towards the prosecutors.

All 4 witnesses are done with their testimonies, and several evidences have been presented to the Judge.

Judge: Prosecutor-in-charge, is there any final evidence you would like to submit?

Jaechan: Yes, your honor. There is.

Judge: What is it?

Jaechan: It’s a voice recording containing the defendant’s voice at the time his crime was committed.

The crowd showed their disbelief and disgust as Jaechan explain what the recording was about, until the judge had to hit the gavel multiple times on the sound block to maintain the court’s order.

Judge: and how exactly was the evidence obtained?

Flashback

Jaechan went through a background check on Han Gwanyoung. He noticed something off. Han Gwanyoung’s wife is clearly listed on the family registry, and there’s no record of her death, but how come she has never been spotted anywhere near Han Gwanyoung?

Having the curiosity to dig more into the information, Jaechan finally found Mr. Han’s wife. She’s apparently been admitted to a local hospital to receive treatment there for dementia.

With a special warrant, Jaechan’s able to get access to personally question the wife.

As he stepped into a VIP-room with a name slot that read ‘Kim Haesook’, he saw an old lady with greyish-white hair resting just over her shoulder. She seemed like she’s in her late 60s.

While the lady sat down on her bed while looking outside the room’s window, Jaechan sat on a chair next to the patient’s bed.

Jaechan: Kim Haesook-ssi?

There was no reply, so Jaechan tried one more time.

Jaechan: Kim Haesook-ssi, do you know that your husband is being investigated for sexual assault on the underage?

As Jaechan went straight to the point, Kim Haesook finally gave him some attention.

Haesook: Jerk.

Jaechan: I’m sorry, what did you say?

Haesook: That scumbag deserves that.

Jaechan: Kim-Haesook-ssi can you explain what you meant by that?

Without saying a single word, Haesook reached out to her old-fashhioned phone on the side of her hospital bed. She clicked some buttons on it and handed the phone over to Jaechan.

When Jaechan saw the screen, it showed ‘Voice_Recording_002’ with the date and time stamp ’08 June 2009, 15:54 p.m.’

Jaechan played the file, and closed his eyes as he couldn’t stand hearing the cries of a girl who pleaded Mr. Han to ‘stop’. The recording continued as Mr. Han repeatedly said ‘it’s okay, it’s not gonna hurt’ to the young girl. However, a few moments later, a helpless scream echoed from the recording, and Jaechan who couldn’t stand hearing it, pushed the stop button right away.

Flashforward - Court’s room

Judge: ‘The court is adjourned.’ as the judge hit the gavel thrice on the sound block.

Jiwon and the squad exited the premise. She was quiet the whole time until she arrived at the lobby. Sungmin was beside her while the Belle Epoque girls followed the two behind.

Jiwon stopped, and suddenly covered her face. Sungmin thought to himself ‘Is she crying?’ Looking at Jiwon’s gesture made his suppressed feeling burst. For the first time ever, he reached out both his arms to hug Jiwon tightly, Cupping Jiwon’s tiny frame on his chest, while Jiwon released her tears.

Jiwon is thankful that her debt towards Moon Hyojin has now been paid in full.

The Belle Epoque girls felt both sympathetic and happy at the same time. Sympathetic because Jiwon rarely cried in front of them, and happy because of the sight they’re seeing now – Jiwon being hugged by her loyal ‘servant’. The girls looked at each other smiling, as they admired the two human beings in front of them.

Jiwon has been crying for a while, and she finally let herself out of Sungmin’s embrace and turned back to convey her gratitude to the housemates.

Jiwon: Girls, thank you so much for being here with me today. I know you all are actually busy with college and work, but the fact that you came here just to accompany me to the trial is something I never imagined.

Hearing Jiwon said those heart-felt statement for the first time, the housemates approached Jiwon to give her an affectionate group hug.

Yina: Jiwon-ah, we’ll go first, okay?

Jiwon: Sungmin-ah, how many people-

Yina: aay, stop iti! I have a car and I’ll take care of it. Guys, let’s go! Uhm… Sungmin-ssi, please take care of Jiwon, okay?

Sungmin who couldn’t say no, slightly bowed his head in acceptance of Kang-eonni’s request. He and Jiwon watched as the girls left the lobby.

Sungmin: Let’s go.

Jiwon: Hmm…

Just like that, the two went back together, while the girls rode on Kang-eonnis car, in fear.

In the basement as the  Belle Epoque squad headed towards Yina’s car.

Eunjae: You saw it right? Jiwon-sunbae and her friend.

Everyone nodded.

Yina: I saw it. The guy totally likes her. I mean, how can Jiwon not notice? Don’t you guys think it’s obvious?

Jinmyung: That’s actually true. From my point of view, I think Jiwon is the only one who’s not aware of this situation. What should we do?

Yina: What do you mean what should we do? Don’t worry, Kang Yina is always available for LOVE-911.

Yeeun: Wah, I really can’t wait until they get together. Will my joke come true? Remember when I said your servant will be your bae and your bae will be your hubby? What if it comes true?

Eun: If It comes true, I think Jiwon-sunbae will be the happiest person ever.

Eunjae: By the way, where are we going?

Yeeun: Kang-eonni, did you forget where you park the car?!

Jinmyung: Yina-ya, do you know how to drive????

Eun: What’s happening? What’s wrong with Kang-eonni’s driving?

As a response to all the girls’ questions, Kang-eonni could only grin.

Jiwon broke the silence between her and Sungmin.

‘Finally, it’s all over.’ Jiwon let go a huge sigh, symbolizing freedom and relief.

Seeing Jiwon who has regained her beautiful smile on her face, Sungmin smiled in disguise while focusing on the road ahead.

Unexpectedly, this time Jiwon realized Sungmin’s subtle smile and teased him.

Jiwon: ayyy, did you just smile?

Sungmin: What? No! are you hallucinating now?!

Jiwon: don’t lie! I saw it! I saw you smiling!

Sungmin: Ah, I don’t know! Be quiet! I wish I can have the quiet Jiwon back just before the trial.

Jiwon: Aigoo… what a lie. You said you wanted to see the cheerful me, didn’t you?

*Red Light*

Sungmin hit the brake upon seeing the red traffic light, and gulped as Jiwon caught him this time.

Jiwon: Sungmin-ah… Thank you.

Sungmin, who was focusing on what’s in front of him diverted his attention to Jiwon, as they both caught each other’s eyes.

*Green Light*

…

…

…

…

…

Sungmin got back to his senses as he heard the cars behind him honking, and realized that the traffic light had turned green for don’t know how long. He stepped on the car’s pedal and continued driving. This time, with his heart pounding like crazy.

Thanks for reading.

Read the next Chapter:

Chapter 2

[artificialqueens]

Castle On The Hill (3/3) - Trixya - Silver

Hey! This is the final part, which I’m kind of sad about cause I’ve really enjoyed writing this. I hope you enjoy! Feedback is appreciated:)

Katya up and left the small town almost precisely a year later.

With no roots holding him to the ground of what once was and the forces of the wind pushing him in other directions; he left.

One suitcase of clothes and belongings, and a place at a college on the opposite side of the country, was all that it took to persuade him to do what he had been contemplating for what must have been over a year now, right?.

He knew it was over a year. Four days more, if he had to be accurate - though he wasn’t about to admit that to anybody apart from himself.

Six months later and he still felt lost. Lost in the town that was now suppose to be his home, his future, though he felt restricted. Trapped and isolated in a town where people looked and acted more like Barbie dolls than they did compassionate human beings - and where the trees looked as artificial as the grass that reminded you there was no river insight.

It took him another three years to graduate college. Degree in hand and a proud family living states away, he found an apartment. Small; located in a complex that sat next to a country road. Idyllic, on first glance, yet without the company of his family, friends, lovers, and essential view of a weathered castle on a nearby hill, it didn’t compare.

He decorated his apartment with everything he had compiled over the almost four years since he’d arrived in the area. The lamp he’d bought for his college dorm room sat in his living area, and the lidless empty bottle of fireball that involved a tremendous story from his third year at the college was placed on one of his kitchen surfaces.

A photo of himself, and a few of his college friends; Justin, Aaron, David and Sutan - was stuck to his refrigerator with a magnet which he’d received as a joke from Trixie back home when they were no more than fourteen and -

Trixie.

Thoughts of the younger boy, or man, he realised he should be calling him now, drifted through his mind every now and then. Memories of everything that they were and everything that they did still managing to somehow infiltrate Katya’s mind all these years later.

They hadn’t spoken since Trixie had departed from the train station four years prior. His mom, granted, had attempted to convince Katya to call him, even if Trixie hadn’t made any contact with him at all.

He’d always stood by the fact that he was stubborn - yet it’s not always a good thing, he acknowledged.

A further year saw him working at the college he’d graduated from. I don’t remember when I decided to become that cliché. A lecturer of foreign languages; French, German, Russian.

Another year gone and he was still as unhappy.

A phone call to his mom was made at some point during mid December on his sixth, almost seventh year away from his hometown - or eighth, since everything had frozen over.

“I want to come home”. His first words to his mom in - three months?, maybe four.

“It doesn’t feel right here”. Were his second.

Crying. Tears streaming down his face that he hadn’t shaven in days for lack of interest in his personal appearance and distain towards leaving his bed.

He hadn’t been this bad in a long while. Last time he had, he’d had the strongest support system he’d ever known surrounding him. Friends, family, Trixie.

“Brian, calm down, please. Honey, breathe”.

He began laughing. A sound that he hadn’t heard for weeks, possibly.

“Oh my god, mom”. Hysterics. Giggles, and that wheeze laugh that he’d almost forgotten was a thing his body did when he was amused, reverberated through his entire body. With cheeks hurting from smiling and lungs hurting from shaking, he inhaled.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

“You’re still so bad at consoling people”. He managed eventually, listening intently to his mom on the other end of the phone line as she chuckled too.

“I haven’t heard from you in ages”. His mom sighed. Katya reclined on his couch, letting his head drop back against the cold leather surface.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just - god, I’ve been trying to just tell myself that I need to grow the fuck up and get on with life but it’s not that -”.

“It’s not that easy, darling. It’s never that easy”.

Katya cursed as he listened to his mom. Why are moms always right, god damn it.

“Yeah, I realised that. It’s just people always say that with time things get better - easier”.

There was a halt in words on the other end of the phone line before Katya’s mother continued speaking.

“If something’s right, if something’s real, then it never gets better or easier to deal with”.

Another pause. Generic clichés. “Speaking of - have you read my texts?”. She questioned, listening to Katya shuffle about and attempt to get comfortable on his couch, that despite having had for almost two years had never gotten anymore pleasant to sit on than the first day he bought it.

Katya winced, remembering how for the past three or so months he had deleted any texts he had received - instantly.

“I don’t read my texts anymore”. A confession which weighed heavily on his shoulders.

“Shame”. His mother began. “I think you would’ve liked a few of them”. Her tone was cryptic and undefinable, with an undertone of understanding.

Brain rolled his eyes, not that anybody saw. He kicked himself internally.

“What’s that suppose to mean?”. His tone, in contrast to his mothers, was almost bitter and uninterested.

“Come home, you fool. If you’re that unhappy out there please just come home-”.

“Mom you know I-”.

Endless sighs from his mother on the other end of the phone line made Katya recoil slightly, though he chuckled at his mothers distress.

At least somebody can relate to my endless suffering, he mused to himself.

“He’s back, Brian. If you had read your texts you would have-”.

“He’s back?”.

Just like winters would freeze water; words froze thoughts and speech. Feeling the vibrancy that had long been lost trickle back and the flowers that had decomposed begin to flourish again, he covered his mouth with the hand that wasn’t occupied by holding his phone.

“Brian?”.

Blood was pulsing around Katya’s head, eardrums feeling like they were going to burst at the mere sound of his mother speaking his name.

“Bri? Are you there, dear?”.

A smile.

“I’m here”.

Yet another sigh from his mother. Though this time, one of relief.

“So- will you-”. Cutting people off was a talent of his, Katya had begun to realise.

“Mom, I’m gonna’ have to go. If I pack a bag and leave now I should be back by tomorrow night”.

His finger almost hit end call when his mothers voice ripped him away from disillusions and back to reality.

“Brian- you can’t drive all that way! Wait - driving would take way longer than-”.

“Calm down”. Katya reassured. “I’ll book a plane ticket and fly back, and then pick up a rental car at the airport or something”.

Deafening silence.

“Are you sure about this?”.

Katya stood up from his sofa, already rummaging around his living room and picking up phone chargers and his wallet.

He passed his refrigerator on his way to his bedroom. The magnet. Trixie.

“I’ve been sure about this since forever”.

***** Katya was sat on the plane within the coming three hours.

Buying a ticket from the miserable middle aged man at the desk was a bit of an adventure, but after that, check in and customs got worse. International flight. Perfect - just what I need, Katya groaned to himself.

Questions of why do you only have one bag if you haven’t bought a return ticket and why are you in such a rush -

I’m going home. Katya wanted nothing more than to scream at the attendants, though he knew they were only doing their allocated jobs.

The flight was six hours. Six hours of having to sit next to possibly the heaviest breather and loudest food chewer he had ever had the displeasure of meeting.

He slept for most of it, conserving energy for whatever would await for him back home.

Home. A word that had become foreign to Katya’s ears. He shook off the feeling of uncertainty.

Once he’d landed, it took him a whole hour and a half to organise the rental car with the firm employed by the airport. A full hour and a half that could have been spent already driving back to the small town that he couldn’t wait to be reunited with which sat on the outskirts of the state.

It wasn’t until he was around half an hour away from his mothers house that everything hit him. Or rather; knocked him out. The realisation that it had been eight years.

Eight years was enough time for trees to regrow and grass to spring higher than buildings. For new to become old and old to become ancient and for ancient to become; nothing.

In eight years he’d had four boyfriends, one girlfriend - a confusing experience, and too many one night stands and casual hookups to remember. A college dorm room and an apartment of his own. One small group of friends that he still kept in contact with, occasionally.

The nineteen years before that, drowned out everything, irregardless of the fresh memories that stayed in a dusty corner of his mind.

I never envisioned myself being this melodramatic. He laughed at the thought, turning up the volume of the car radio and listening to the sweet tune of tiny dancer.

But oh how it feels so real Lying here with no one near Only you and you can hear me When I say softly slowly Hold me closer tiny dancer Count the headlights on the highway Lay me down in sheets of linen You had a busy day today Memories of himself and Trixie laying in his bed with aforementioned song playing rang vividly through his mind. The country lanes surrounding him dragging him back further yet in to the feeling of Trixie.

Trixie.

*****

I miss the way, you make me feel, it’s real. *****

Six in the evening - standing at this mothers door with his palms sweaty and forehead clammy.

When Katya though of the entire ordeal, he couldn’t deny his thought process sounded ludicrous. Just as he himself had been through life affirming and educational experiences in his and Trixie’s time apart, he was fully away Trixie had too.

There must have been partners and possibly still could be a parter, along with new homes and better forevers. There -

One ring of the door bell.

Seconds to wait.

Katya’s mother, looking no older than she had last time Katya had seen a photo of her - around a year or so ago, opened the old pine door that still remained, wearing an overly eager grin upon her face.

“Brian”. Katya watched his mother visibly relax at the sight of him, outstretching her arms for what Katya assumed was a hug.

“Mom”. He whispered, throwing himself in to her awaiting arms. Katya was a lot taller than his mother, yet wrapped up comfortably in her arms, he had never felt smaller; more vulnerable.

She pulled away shortly after, allowing Katya to gather himself.

Warm smiles and familiar eyes.

Greying hair and weathering skin.

Home.

“Now”. Began his mother. “As much as I’ve missed you, and want to mother you right now - you have a date”.

Katya’s eyes bulged. A date?.

“What are you-”.

“I’ve had orders”. Stated his mom, reaching out to straighten the collar of Katya’s plaid shirt.

“Get up to the tree by seven. Sunset is at eight. Take a warm jacket”.

Vacant stares and sure glances.

“Didn’t the tree-”.

“They planted a new one a while after you left. It’s gotten quite tall these past couple of years”.

Katya still remained rooted to the patch of ground that he stood upon. With his mind reeling and heart pounding, he felt incapable of performing simple human actions; talking, responding, moving too.

“For gods sake Brian - go!. How long have you been wanting this to happen? Stop being such an asshole and go!”.

A single smile and an almost invisible nod from Katya.

“Ok”. He whispered, beginning to turn around.

No.

“Wait!”. Called Katya, alerting his mother who had almost closed the door completely.

“Do I look ok? I haven’t shaved in like - three days”.

A hearty laugh left Katya’s mothers mouth, which in turn made Katya giggle lowly. She didn’t have to speak for Katya to know that she was right.

Trixie wouldn’t care, would he?

Katya knew he wouldn’t care less if Trixie turned up wearing a wrecked sweater and jeans. He wouldn’t even care if Trixie turned up looking nothing like the Trixie he remembered. He knew a lot could change in eight years.

He took himself as an example. His hair had darkened from a lighter, sun kissed blonde, to a darker dirty blonde. His hairline had began receding, making him look closer to thirty than he wanted to look at twenty six. His face too, had changed. Faint lines around the outskirts of his eyes told stories of laughter, where as the deep lines on his forehead portrayed evidence of worry and concern. Even his hands, he could tell, had aged. Whereas they were once soft and unharmed, they were now rough, almost callused, and covered with small scars here and there from life itself.

The half an hour walk to the new old oak tree left Katya out of breath. When did I get this unfit, he questioned himself. I was never this bad - then again, once upon a time I wasn’t twenty six. Katya paused, just around the corner from the tree he recognised as being in the same spot as the other one once was, though was unquestionably different. This one looked younger; less experienced and unaffected by the weather, though somehow stood with an air of pride and youth.

He was there when Katya arrived. Back resting against the tree and legs outstretched in front of him looking at peace with his surroundings.

Observations.

Soft, green grass surrounding him with bluebells and daisies sprinkled around the field seemingly haphazardly. The sky held a pink and lilac tint, with the slowly setting sun exuding a warm golden glow from behind the white, dusky clouds.

He sat down without a word.

He felt Trixie’s gaze on him, though he didn’t speak nor make any eye contact. Katya watched the seconds trickle down the river which looked clearer and larger than the last time he had seen it.

“Do I not get a hello?”. Trixie’s voice penetrated his mind, dragging him out from his own universe.

He laughed bitterly. Why am I bitter?. “Hi”. A single acknowledgement, before he proceeded.

“It’s been nearly eight years”.

Sighing, he felt Trixie do the same.

“I know”.

A pause from the younger man.

“I can’t expect you to just be cool with me turning up after all this time - but you left too, you know”.

Brown eyes boring in to the side of Katya’s head, which eventually met blue as Katya’s head swung around to greet them: harshly.

“No. I left ‘cause you had left. You don’t get to tell me that I have any fault in this”. Katya could feel his cheeks heating up, correlating with the intense saturation of the impending sunset which was now a deep orange rust colour.

Katya saw the hurt in Trixie’s eyes - Saw the regret and the worry hiding behind a soft frown.

“I had to leave, Katya. What did you expect me to just - stay here forever and not experience -”.

Katya began grinning. Trixie’s frown deepened. Katya allowed his hand to reach out to Trixie’s that rest on his knee shakily, yet Trixie recoiled slightly.

“What?”. Trixie whispered lightly.

Katya shook his head, making himself gather his emotions and feelings before he spoke once again to Trixie.

“Nobody’s called me that in - years”.

The fall of Trixie’s frown made Katya grin even wider, yet when Trixie sprang up from his - what must have been extremely uncomfortable position against the tree - and in to Katya’s arms, he thought his cheeks would split from the sheer intensity of his smile.

Sobbing. Both.

Trixie’s short nails were digging in to Katya’s shoulders that were only covered by thin fabric and Katya’s own hands were wrapped so tightly around Trixie’s body that -

But he didn’t care.

Melodrama and overreaction were possible factors, yet he felt like he knew.

When something’s real, when something’s right - his mothers words flashed through his mind at lightening speed.

“I’ve missed you, god damn it”. Trixie exhaled shakily, warm breath hitting Katya’s exposed neck.

Katya exhaled, too. Also shakily; uneasily.

“I’ve missed you too, you absolute fuck”.

*****

The sun had almost set when they’d pulled away. Minutes upon minutes passed of forgotten affection and long needed love. Petals of a nearby cherry blossom tree drifted around them as they fell, the noise of the splashing river a welcome background noise.

The leaves of the oak tree above them swayed, and the grass below them blew effortlessly in the breeze of the late summers night.

Why didn’t you calls were never asked and why did you take so longs were never answered.

Time. The foundation of life, as Trixie had put it once.

“What have you been up to, Trix?”. Trixie smilled. A simple smile of content. Katya was right, he realised. He himself hadn’t been called by his adored nickname since the day he’d left the town. It was a welcome return.

Familiarity. Home.

Trixie rest his head upon Katya’s shoulder, reminiscing one of the many nights they’d spent like this in the past.

“Everything”. Confessed Trixie, entangling his cooling hands with Katya’s.

“Life, y'know?”. Continuation.

“I went to college and then ended up travelling around the east coast as a dance teacher”.

Katya nodded, aware of Trixie’s life long adoration and appreciation of dance.

“It was wild”. A giggle left Trixie’s body, though he stiffened.

“I came back about two months ago. I needed to get out there and see everything and just - live - but then I was ready to come back”.

Katya mumbled a me too, letting Trixie in on everything he needed to know without muttering a single detail.

“When did you leave?”. Wondered Trixie aloud.

Katya scrunched up his nose, feeling the chilly breeze of the night brush across his still unshaven face.

“About a year after you did”. He paused.

“Then I went to college and - yeah that was pretty wild, too - and ended up teaching languages for a few years”.

A hesitant squeeze to Katya’s hands.

“That’s amazing”. Trixie mumbled.

“I had an apartment - technically still do have an apartment down south”.

Bewildered; the expression on Trixie’s face.

“Did you just leave and -”.

Katya hid his face in the top of Trixie’s head, giggling to himself - almost ashamed at how quickly he’d jumped at the chance when he’d realised Trixie was back in town and simply up and left his life as he knew it.

“My mom told me you were back and I just - I was going to come back anyway but - y'know, plus my lease on the apartment is up next month anyway”.

Trixie nodded, sitting up and off of Katya’s shoulder.

“We have a lot to catch up on, don’t we?”. The question spilled from Trixie’s lips as he brought one of his hands up to Katya’s head, brushing through the short, dark blonde tendrils and giggling.

Katya frowned at Trixie.

“What?”. A game of questions.

“Your hairlines receding”. He commented teasingly, watching as Katya began laughing; wheezing.

My god his laugh, Trixie mused to himself. How I’ve missed that sound.

“Oh shut up you! You’re practically bald, Tracy!”.

And then they were laying down. Laughing in the grass that they’d spent years before rolling around in; living on. Listening to the lack of hustle and bustle around them and the never new, always perfect natural sounds around them, they were at peace.

Because sometimes if it’s real, if it’s right, Katya reminded himself of his mothers words once again.

Because sometimes it takes losing yourself and everything around you to find yourself and where you belong.

Because sometimes, things happen as they do.

Katya stayed at Trixie’s apartment that night. He’d bought it. A travelling dance teacher gets payed fairly decently; it turns out.

The apartment was located on top of the other side of the hill - where the castle once stood. They’d called the complex castle hill and how inventive, Katya had sulked.

When they awoke the next morning and Katya discovered the sense to question why would you buy a house if you don’t intend on staying and -

Trixie responded with only -

“I don’t plan on going anywhere for a long while”.

[kiarabay]

“To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before”

If you, as a teenager, once got crazy about a boy, had ardous dilemmas in life, dealt with constant discords of family members and peers, this is definitely the type of book that you won’t be able to put down. That is why I just went so frantic when I heard the news: its film adaptation soon! What makes this Trilogy extraordinary that any woman who falls in love as crazy as Lara Jean will be undoubtedly enthralled? 

Here are the Top 10 Quotes that I find completely relatable:

1. “If love is like a possession, maybe my letters are like my exorcisms. My letters set me free. Or at least they’re supposed to.”

Aside from photographs, words encapsulate memories as evocative as ever. Anything that is connected to writing is treasure that is why I have kept journals, wrote letters, and collected notes from friends and loved ones; it is the best therapy. In every situation that I encounter, whether it’s the fleeting mirth of falling in love or legion phase of having your heart broken , I tend and try my hardest to record them. Personally, I had perceived love as a process of making a someone my belonging. But it’s the absolute opposite when it comes to writing. I don’t own, keep, or hold anything back when I fill the empty pages; in fact, I open myself up,  I unleash stories and secrets, I allow others to read me like a book, I give bits and pieces of myself, I simply let go. When a person writes, it’s impossible not to. It’s like the primary urge for writing, everything just overflows within that they find their way out. It’s supposed to set you free. And it will… if you allow it.

2. “I wonder what it’s like to have that much power over a boy. I don’t think I’d want it; it’s a lot of responsibility to hold a person’s heart in your hands.”

When I was younger, I would do anything for love. I was curious and excited that in any place I went, I’ve always had this ridiculous hope in my heart that there was a huge chance for me to finally meet “the one”. I was always fascinated by the idea of falling in love and being loved. I don’t know why but maybe because just the thought of it can make any individual raw and eye-sparkling. Just like Lara Jean: ‘in love with love’. I know there are also women out there who go through this stage of searching for someone who would go all-crazy for them because it’s true, we are all fond of being wanted. But we have to realize that becoming somebody’s necessity isn’t the sole measurement of our value as a person. I used to think that a lasting relationship is the only goal, but now that I am older, I realized that there are more important things in life than being adored and praised. 

In this world full of illusions and daydreams, it is easy to resort to making a person feel special just to fall into the trap of labels and restrictions. The challenging part is how to admire and love someone unconditionally without demands and shallow judgments, how to keep one’s own identity and sense of individuality even when you are already partners. If you limit your world to each other’s share of affection alone, that’s when you begin to encage each other from growth. So much power over someone has a price to pay; and love does not work that way. Initially, you must have hoped for a man (or a woman) who will have his/her world revolve around you and nothing more… but that’s when expectations get in the way. It will just break you knowing his/her heart shatters just because you could not become everything they ever wanted anymore

3. “I'm always wondering about the what-ifs, about the road not taken.”

I know there are things that couldn’t be unveiled on a whim but as long as there are unanswered questions, unforgiven mistakes, and unsaid words, I do always look back, and at the same time, look forward to the possibility of discovering clarity. Being a risk-taker myself, my greatest fear in life is waking up in bed of desolation with gray hair, doleful soul, and lifeless-beating heart just because I never did try to do and know one major thing in the past. I love the idea that a certain moment can potentially be better or be at its best if only we rigorously contemplate on the how to’s. You have to put yourself out there and as long as you are never idle, trust the journey. You want to know something? Ask for it. You want to have something? Act on it. Trust the journey and your HEART–always let your conscience be your guide. No matter what the outcome of your attempt will be, what matters is at the end of the day, you will have no regrets, or maybe you would, but not much… because you know you did everything you could on your part. I think the beauty of making things happen is you find out the answers yourself, and that’s so much better than to spend the rest of your days wondering what awaits you on the other side, because you realized you never had the grit to cross it. Maybe through this, we can finally say that we did our all, even though things did not turn out fine, it’s our all… and that’s enough. Without waffling, without a heavy heart, we can finally move forward. 

4. “I want to keep it so when this is over, I can have something to look at and remember.”

Just like Lara Jean, I like to save things: low quality photographs, candy/gift wrappers, love letters, withered roses (or even just a petal), entrance tickets, heart-shaped leaves, pebbles from first-date spots, emptied bottled water from fieldtrips, and anything at all that would definitely remind me of a seemingly ordinary but unforgettable moment in my life. One of my greatest mistakes is defining a person based on how they have wronged me and not on the irreplaceable memories they have given me. That’s why I really do encourage you to appreciate even the simplest gestures. This is how things will be for me even when the person I have shared that moment with is no longer present in my life, as long as respect and sincerity remains, I believe that I should never take the days they have filled with happiness and love for granted. Over the years, I personally am not amenable with not looking back, or with trying to fade and forget the scars or smiles of yesterday. For me, bygones will always be part of who I am today. 

5. “People come in and out of your life. For a time they are your world; they are everything. And then one day they’re not. There’s no telling how long you will have them near.”

Through the years, I have learned to never miss an opportunity to make the ones you love feel how much you value them, how happy and blessed you are that God gave you the opportunity to spend time with them. If you are in a relationship right now, no matter how clichè this may appear, keep in mind that you will never truly understand the importance of every second you were with a person until time no longer allows you to have another. You see, it’s really a one in a million chance to give and receive a sturdily founded love. While you still hold that precious gift of emotion, do everything in your power to treat your person rightly and kindly. I know regrets are inevitable because everyone is flawed and we commit mistakes, you may have given all these rights of showing them how you feel in only a short span of time, but in the end, what counts are not the material things you had handed but all the emotions you had embedded in their hearts. This goes to everyone who is important to you. Because “There’s no telling how long you will have them near.”

6. “I suppose you can’t hold on to old things just for the sake of holding.”

You’ll know it. You’ll know it when a relationship is already toxic, self-destructing not only for you, but also to the person you worked so hard to fix. This maybe applicable for those couples who are still trying to keep it intact in spite of seeing each other bruised and limping. I have one question for you, “How can you endure seeing the face of your lover have tears streaming down just for the sake of saving face?”. Too many voices will emerge, but when the day ends and you are alone in the dark, glaring blankly at nowhere, you’ll hear the voice that truly matter, and that voice will be the loudest. You’ll know it. God will never leave you clueless. Yes, it’s going to be difficult to face the world alone, as if you are an entirely different person, as if facing the vast woods as a lost traveler, but you have to get a grip on yourself and make the next choice. Life waits for no one. Truly, staying in love is a choice everyone has to make to make any relationship last. But along making this choice comes with compromises. How will you know if you have already reached the end? When neither one of you is willing to compromise, to make amendments. If you genuinely love a person, you’ll do anything for their happiness, even if that happiness excludes you. It’s hard to uphold these things if the relationship is not God-centered, it’s difficult to do things for a person when love already turned to hate. But you see, it’s impossible to gravely hate each other when God is there. “To be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love with all your soul”. Things may not make sense right now but cling to God, everything will be alright.

7. “I know now that I don’t want to love or be loved in half measures. I want it all, and to have it all, you have to risk it all.”

I could not agree more with this. If there is one advice I will tell anyone when it comes to love, it will be this: “You deserve it all or nothing at all”.

 At some point in your life, it will hit you; it will be so impactful that you will long for nothing but to believe it. Simply because life does not guarantee kindness all the time and it will just be lugubrious if you stick around with someone who falters about his feelings for you. All the love that you have been giving away all this time will not find their way back to you if you will continue to engage yourself in diminution. Remember, you are treated as far as you allow. My own interpretation with this one on the ‘risking’ part is you have to risk not to settle for anything less. You are in danger if you focus on worldly pleasures and pressures. The best things require patience and TIME. You have to take time and risk to concentrate on things that are most significant in order to become the best version of yourself–that’s the only time that you will fully discern the rightful love for you. 

8. “There’s a Korean word my grandma taught me. It’s called jung. It’s the connection between two people that can’t be severed, even when love turns to hate. You still have those old feelings for them; you can’t ever completely shake them loose of you; you will always have tenderness in your heart for them.”

This may seem another difficult task to fulfill but let us refrain from implicating to our loved ones to let go of any thoughts or care that they had for their past relationships. Let us prevent jealousy from winning for it already provoked many to lose what they already have. You only fool and burden yourself if you look back with grief and regrets. Nothing and nobody is impeccable that’s why it is better to look back with gratitude; knowing that your past experiences, joy and pain altogether, helped a lot in molding you to become the better person you are today, in preparing you to embrace tomorrow and the person that’s truly meant for you. We cannot delete people in our lives, each of us fits and completes the puzzle. 

9. “Once she’s decided something, that’s it. Like she said: when she’s done, she’s just done. There’s no waffling, no regrets. I wish I was more like her. Because sometimes it feels like I’ll never be done.” 

 There are times when we are unsure of the decisions that we are making. However, there are encounters where we are obliged to promptly execute choices in consideration of the people involved and their feelings. There are times when a person’s corresponding plans depend on the choice we are about to make, and simply making any choice and being firm about it is the least we can do than leaving them hanging. I mean, the decision is theirs but we wouldn’t want to halt the pace they are at. No matter how much we want to go for what’s best and convenient for us, we must, above all, be sensitive about the magnitude of our actions. Be very careful of the things you say and do. Be careful not to make a fool of yourself thus you must practice what you preach. Some words cannot be taken back, some deeds cannot be undone; that is why it is a vital responsibility not to baffle others just because of our irresolution and of our incapability to be stern with ourselves.

10. “Be careful with your heart. Things feel like they’ll be forever, but they aren’t. I can go away, or people can, without even meaning to. Nothing is guaranteed.”

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 I have met men and women who shared their stories how their immense love destroyed them, them who did and gave up everything for the name of love, only to find out they have made permanent sacrifices for something ephemeral. Protect your heart from drowning at times of drought, strengthen it, nourish it, filter everything that gets through it. Some who failed to do so had turned into someone that they are not, did awful things that they do not want, that they can’t even decipher. This normally happens when we conceive that we can take all matters into our hands, that we can make everything work out using our own knowledge, that we can vigoriously impose our desires on others. The first step to becoming disappointment-proof is to accept that we are limited and meek. For in the Lord, when we are weak, then we are strong. When we rely our happiness on ourselves or on humans’ superficiality, we will never reach the peak of genuine joy. But if we do center our happiness towards God, everything will happen in His perfect time. For he already knows the desires of our hearts way before we fervently seeked Him for these. He will fulfill his promises, no questions asked. He is always true to His words and His love never fails if you will only allow Him to take the wheel.