#i swear to arceus i better not get inspiration for THIS before i get inspiration for zwg

[kayzero]

The Third Genesis (Pokémon)

I found an old Pokemon AU folder from like, 2017. It had two documents inside, and one of them was blank. Never got off the ground in the same way Zero Win Game did.

Nothing really seems to.

And Zero Win Game is stalling out, I'm having trouble finding motivation for it. Tomorrow I'm gonna start doing my writing exercises again, I'm gonna force myself to sit down and do an hour-long sprint and not give a shit about anything except that the words hit the page.

That's for tomorrow. Today, please read and enjoy my long-forgotten piece detailing Arceus' failed experiments—and Their idea to make this one succeed.

Pokémon were boring.

At least, they were the first time Arceus created the world.

Pokémon were to be Their greatest creation. Different species of creatures made from Their fifteen aspects of power, set loose upon a blank canvas. They were created with inherent power and ferocity, each of them had power that made them unique and individual. They were perfect.

But they never did anything. A pecking order was created in the first hundred years of existence, and it was rarely challenged from then on. Few Pokémon did anything truly great, and even fewer had ambitions past what they already accomplished.

Arceus considered the experiment a failure and salvaged what They could. Three Pokémon were created incidentally as a result of the world’s creation and served to influence what little they could. They were taken into Arceus’ personal dimension, and the world ceased to be with but a thought.

The problem seemed to lie in their sentience, Arceus mused. The Pokémon were little more than animals, and needed a guiding hand to move them in the direction that They envisioned. On Arceus’ second try, there were two sets of creatures.

Humans, as a contrast to Pokémon, were very interesting. They weren't touched by any of Arceus’ seventeen aspects, but their formation was oriented towards their mind, giving them an advantage of sentience over power.

It took time for their brains to develop, and in the early years it almost seemed as if Arceus had failed, for they were slower than the bestial Pokémon. It soon changed. Humans, realizing the great power of the creatures they dwelled with, understood their importance. They befriended the Pokémon, and together they overcame obstacles, they made civilizations, they progressed and advanced.

Unfortunately, sentience and awareness came with greed. The human opinion of Pokémon shifted from trusted friend, to amusing pet, to tool. Association became slavery, and comradely became dominance. Wars broke out, civilizations degraded, the planet slowly withered away.

Another world, ceased with a thought.

Idly, Arceus created a world without Pokémon in it, to observe the human element. Without the presence of significant power, advancement was slowed by nearly a millennia. It came though, and the humans’ previous reliance on Pokémon was replaced by a technological crutch. Their greed came forth once more, and the world was destroyed without Their influence.

Despite their obvious flaws, up to and including an unfortunate disposition for self-destruction, the humans were needed to spur the Pokémon to new heights. Ambition was needed to ascend to new heights, to fulfill the dream Arceus had for Their creations. But even with the corruption of the humans, Pokémon themselves never descended into war and self-destruction.

Arceus stood, planning once more. They would use all eighteen aspects of Their power to infuse the Pokémon with the humans’ ambition.

“Come.”

Ruby eyes lazily drifted open and saw nothing but a dreary gray expanse. It uncurled from Its sleeping position and stretched high, red and black stripes pushing against gold and gray carapace. It flapped Its black wings once and began to climb the Pillar in the center of the world.

Giratina appreciated Arceus taking pity on It, because Its birth was a mistake. The excess power that They used to create the First World pooled in the center, and it gained sentience, became Giratina. Just as the creation of the world from nothing gave birth to Palkia and the manipulation of time gave birth to Dialga.

Arceus had since refined the process of world creation, and Its birth would not have been replicated like it was with other such titans like Groudon and Kyogre. They were merciful and took It into Their home dimension.

The thought didn’t stave off the utter boredom. This time between worlds was the worst.

As It climbed the Pillar, the drab gray transitioned to a vortex of colors. Shards of the universe whizzed past Its vision, all while roars assaulted Its hearing. The Twins were fighting again, if they ever stopped in the first place.

The rainbow gave way to a bright white plane, looking as holy and opulent as Arceus Themselves. The white plane was usually interrupted by Their plates, displayed as glass-stained windows depicting each of Arceus’ different aspects.

The plates were missing though. Arceus was at work.

Hovering above the flat surface of the Pillar’s top was a clear orb, deceptively small for what it would contain. On the underside of this orb was Arceus, whose current form was equally as deceptively diminutive. Their human form stood no taller than four feet, was clothed in a pure white suit, and had red and green eyes obscured by silver hair.

Those same eyes flicked over to Giratina for a short moment before returning to the orb. “I've decided on my next project.”

Giratina would have to crane Its neck to look at Arceus, so instead It stared out into the bright expanse. “Have you figured out your human problem, then?”

“Perhaps.”

They raised a hand and seventeen plates materialized, each a different color. They whirled around in a chaotic rainbow before halting, hovering above Arceus’ head. Pale gray glowed eerily as energy leaked into Their hand, coalescing into a small ball.

“Stabilize,” They commanded, throwing the ball at Giratina, which sunk into Its scales. Wings stretched and split into black tendrils tipped in red, and legs sunk into the body and merged with a tail. Its titanic size grew by half again, and Giratina flew to orbit the canvas that Arceus would be using to sculpt a new world.

“Care to share how this experiment is going to be different from the others?” Now in Its proper form, Giratina began emitting an aura of antimatter, in order to trap Arceus’ flooding power and send it back into the world as it began to escape. It was less stabilization than it was prevention. There was only room for one Giratina, after all.

The dusty brown shard glowed now, and stone began to gather in the center of the world sphere. Red flickered on and off as the rock pulsed with heat and came to life.

“Humans were made to be a tool of motivation,” Arceus began as Their arms stretched in front of them. The left hand clenched into a tight fist, and the stone was shaped into a perfect sphere. It slowly expanded in size as the hand inched outwards. “An indomitable force of change and advancement.” The fingers of the right hand twitched randomly as the ever-growing pool of magma at the center of the earth carved channels and pathways.

“Oh, and did they ever change things!” Giratina smirked, almost cruelly, and stared at the rapidly growing orb. “They advanced right into chaos!” The word was emphasized with a flex of Its power, halting the world’s growth at a third of the sphere.

Arceus hummed, loosening Their grip on Rock and Fire and taking hold of Ground instead. “I didn't quite anticipate their aptitude for extinction, no.” They knelt upon the surface of the world sphere, clasping Their hands together and raising them high. “Nor their willingness to turn it on themselves.” They scowled and brought down Their fists, slamming into the plane and shaking the world. Webs appeared on the surface as it caved upon itself, sections of the planet depressing and rising simultaneously.

They stood and allowed Water to wash over Them, and Their form loosened from the previously rigid stance. Arms moved and waved as deep blue stained the plane, and rain poured from the top of the sphere, filling the cracks and crevices.

“So you need the motivation without the destruction. How does this come about?” Arceus stopped, as if pondering the question. They began pacing along the world sphere, Their plates following along. The silence prevailed for a long minute before They stopped short and inhaled deeply. Cerulean glowed with the exhale, and the world was filled with air.

“An outside influence used my creations as tools for destruction.”

“Yes.”

“So the influence shall now come from within.”

It was Giratina’s turn to stop and think. Arceus waited patiently, traversing the sphere and sprinkling green energy everywhere, coating the world in Grass. They stopped at the very top of the sphere and stretched out a hand to the pole.

“So the Pokémon become humans?”

White blue glowed now as Arceus clenched the hand slowly. Ice formed underneath the water, freezing the waves and making a giant glacier. “More complex than that but…” A leg was lifted high and summarily slammed back down, splitting the glacier into many smaller pieces and kicking up a series of snow flurries. “Essentially.”

“Is that why you've taken that ridiculous form, then?”

“Yes.”

“Did you intend for it to look like a child?”

“It's a comfortable size.”

Giratina rolled Its eyes before returning to the discussion. “What's preventing corruption from within, then?”

Arceus closed Their eyes and raised a Their arms high, collecting energy both yellow and red. Beneath Their feet, another ball formed, generating light for the world. They walked to the other end of the sphere as They answered.

“Despite the humans destroying themselves, Pokémon never followed suit. A form of self-preservation, maybe.”

Their arms stretched directly outwards now, and Their left hand glowed pink as a second, smaller ball was formed underneath Them. 

“I simply have to strengthen that aspect as I add the human element.”

Their right hand whipped forward, covered by a pitch black shroud. The black energy covered half the world, blanketing it in night. The pink ball still glowed brightly.

“Keep the energy contained, Giratina. This is the most important part.”

It simply nodded as It moved to surround Arceus now. Their plates began to spin rapidly around Their head, and the glow threatened to blind It. The glow pooled in Arceus’ outstretched palms, forming a much looser ball than had been made before. It wobbled in Their hands, unsteady and fragile.

The plates came to a stop as Arceus balanced the beginning of Their creation in one hand. The other hand gestured to the magenta plate, and a thin trickle flowed into it for a few moments.

Arceus stretched out Their hands, as if offering the world the gift of life to inhabit it. The plates fled back to their places, staining the opulent white with a rainbow of colors.

They stared at the ball, the small blob of life, fed with the essence of a human, and wondered. Wondered if this experiment would end in yet another failure, if there was no true way to make this creation come to life.

The ball dropped. It splattered on the world sphere, and droplets rained onto the earth below.

“Let us begin.”

[rising-volteccers]

Murdock turns to glare at Friede, putting the donut batter aside for a moment to make sure he heard it correctly. After a beat of silence, he hears it; the unmistakable chattering of teeth.

"Friede," Murdock looks at him fully, "were you in the cold again?"

"I-" *achoo*, "I maybe, got into a battle where an Absol kept spamming icy wind..."

"Oh, for the love of-"

(not exactly from the sick prompt list, but I was inspired after ep25)

Wrote this up while I was stuck at the hospital so hopefully it's still a decent read! If I have to suffer, Friede gets to suffer alongside me. <3

Series: Pokemon Horizons

Characters: Friede, Murdock

--

"Alcremie, could you add a bit more of your cream in here please?"

The little Fairy-type did a twirl before releasing dollops of its ruby cream into the bowl. Murdock thanked his partner, then resumed his whisking.

Today, he stayed behind on the ship while the rest explored a nearby town. Part of the reason was to restock their supplies so he gave his shopping list to Friede, accompanied by Liko and Roy. Mollie and Orla went off to do their own personal shopping last he recalled. 

In the meantime, Murdock decided to get an early start in preparing lunch. Since he was in the mood for some doughnuts, he chose that to be today's dessert. Nothing like a freshly fried doughnut glazed with Alcremie's ruby swirl cream to end the meal off with.

Satisfied with the consistency, he set aside the glaze for now to work on the doughnut batter. Murdock knew two people on board who'd love this treat, so he doubled the recipe so there could be extra batter to fry up later in the day if needed. Their smiles popped up in Murdock's mind (or at least one of them), prompting his own to form.

Murdock swayed from side to side as he whisked, humming a soft tune underneath his breath. He paused when he heard footsteps approaching the kitchen. Moments later, Roy and Liko swung open the door whilst carrying bags of groceries. Roy in particular sported a huge grin.

"We got the stuff on your list," Liko spoke up, placing the bag on the table. "Sorry that it took a little longer than expected. We–"

"Someone saw how strong Charizard looked and challenged it to a battle! It was soooo cool! I've never seen an Absol in person before!" Roy piped up, mimicking Liko so his hands were freed to move animatedly throughout his storytelling. 

"Really now?" Murdock replied warmly, multitasking by listening to Roy's tale and putting away the groceries with Liko's help. It occurred to Murdock that the subject of said story had yet to poke his head into the kitchen.

Eventually, Liko and Roy excused themselves so they could go hang out with Dot. Far be it for Murdock to keep these two from spending time with his niece so he waved them off with a beaming smile. It never failed to make his heart sing that Dot had such good friends around her.

In a far better mood than before, Murdock resumed his whisking with gusto. He wanted to make an extra good batch of doughnuts now in hopes of enticing Dot to grab more than usual. 

Murdock had his back turned to the door when he heard it open. He cast a quick glance over his shoulder to see Friede, then went back to his work on making more batter.

"Hey, Roy told me that some kid challenged you to a battle earlier?"

"Y-Yeah. Saw Charizard and he w-wanted a go at battling…"

His whisking slowed once Murdock caught the faint sound. After a beat of silence, he heard it; the unmistakable sound of chattering teeth. He turned to face Friede properly, thus granting him the rather pathetic sight of his captain hugging himself tightly, looking a touch pale with his nose tinged red.

"Friede how on earth–it's sunny outside!" Murdock asked, sounding mildly exasperated. 

"T-That Trainer wanted to–" Friede turned away when a sneeze slipped out, leaving him sniffling afterwards. "--slow Charizard down so he had A-Absol spam Icy Wind."

"And you didn't think to change? I swear to Arceus–go change into dry clothes! I'll make some tea to help warm you up." 

With a miserable nod, Friede left the kitchen. Murdock heard another sneeze as the door closed shut behind him. With a mild shake of his head, he set aside the batter for now to pull out a kettle. 

While he waited for the water to boil, Murdock grabbed the tea bin from a different cupboard. Once he found the blend he wanted, he got to work in fixing up a mug of tea for Friede. Knowing him, he was probably on his way to catching a cold.

It was a well known fact to the old members of the RVT that Friede didn’t do well in the cold. Like, at all. Whenever they flew through colder climate, he often layered up underneath his bomber jacket. While Murdock had little trouble walking around in short sleeves and shorts, Friede wore his long sleeved shirt almost exclusively from how easy it was for him to get chilly. The only reason why he could handle flying around on Charizard was due to how warm the part Fire-type was.

His sensitivity to shifting temperatures also meant that he was susceptible to catch colds if he didn’t get warm quickly. Knowing that fool, he probably didn’t say anything during their walk back to the ship, choosing to remain in damp clothes until the kids weren’t around to fuss over him. 

Well, he was about to get a whole lot of fussing in the next few days, intentionally or otherwise. It will drive Friede up the wall, and Murdock will hear all about it as he ply more soup and tea into him. At the very least, he could plan out the dishes in advance. Hopefully the crew would be up for soups and stews in the near future.

By the time Murdock finished making a fresh, piping hot mug of tea, Friede shuffled back into the kitchen. He was considerably dressed down, opting to wear a long sleeved fluffy sweater and slacks, his go to outfit whenever he wasn’t feeling too well and wanted to feel warm. He didn’t wear his goggles, leaving his bangs to fall and partially cover his eyes. 

“Take a seat and drink this,” Murdock instructed, gesturing at the empty chair for him to sit at. 

Friede dipped his head once, going over to sit down on said chair. He cupped his hands around the mug, savoring its warmth before taking a careful sip. Light sniffling prompted Murdock to hand him the tissue box.

“I won’t have you contaminate my kitchen,” Murdock warned lightly, earning him a small pout from Friede.

“I’m fine.”

“You and I know that come tomorrow, you’re going to whine about how Mollie’s making you rest.”

“I don’t whine.”

Murdock raised an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. “I suggest that you do follow her orders to avoid spreading whatever you caught. Not to mention, the kids are probably going to feel guilty, thinking that you’re like this because of them.”

Friede grimaced around his next sip, placing the mug down to look up at Murdock. “‘s not their fault that my opponent decided to spam Icy Wind.”

“I know, but try and tell me that I’m wrong.”

Friede’s eyes flicker back to the mug with a deep frown. “Point taken.”

Silence briefly draped over the pair. “Just take it easy and you’ll be back on your feet before you know it.”

Friede had grabbed a couple of tissues from the box to blow his nose. “Ugh.”

Murdock felt a little sorry for him. “I’ll make your favourite soup tomorrow. And you can have some doughnuts later if you feel up for it.”

That got him a little smile. Well, Murdock better get back to making those doughnuts if he wanted them to be finished by the time lunch rolls along. He didn’t mind the extra company sipping and sniffling away behind him as he picked up the bowl to continue whisking away. 

[bellafragolina]

A few headcanons and scenarios I thought up hashing out some details for my story. Looking into People with Amnesia’s stories and how we recall memories/what do we specifically recall in detail in some… It’s not perfect, but I am very determined to set my self/reader insert apart from the two stories I got inspired by.

—Memories of meeting Arceus are fuzzy since they were in a God’s presence. It definitely changed them if the red eyes and being freaking ten years old was any indication! Not sure what their previous age was, but probably at least a teen. Jubilife’s written language was not mainly Kanji (Yes!) though the weird symbols had no resemblance to English (no)…

—Most Jubilife villagers spoke English or Galarian/Unovan, they swear they heard the older folks ask the infamous “Nani?” followed by some muttered sentences in Japanese.

—Surveying will be harder than they thought with far more research tasks. Not to mention a few members of Jubilife will be concerned over a ten year old working in the wilds. (Rei and Akari are tasked to oversee their first few surveys as a precaution. The cousins are perpetually confused by SI treating Pokémon without much fear. Gushing over how cute Pikachu is yet being rightfully wary of Alphas).

—The being partially illiterate thing will be a small embarrassment to them making the cousins more confused. In turn, not being able to read when their ten year old rookie types on their weird device will make them understand the frustration. (SI is surprised when the Arc Phone has a normal phone case, albeit decked out in Arceus design. I honestly hate how it looks in-game—How does it fit in our pocket?)

—Batman Paranoid Kamado will be… not as wary as he was in-game. At least not initially, I mean Ultra Wormholes are probably a thing so people appearing out of nowhere might be a slight rumor from Alola. The man has a freaking Clefable of all Pokémon which’s pre evos are skittish as heck. He’s a jerk. He really is yet I feel like I can explore that better than the Legends did. As the Noble get taken care of, he becomes more suspicious of them and their skill. (In an unrelated note, Gyarados have red eyes…)

—There will be some days where the Self Insert gets burnout and frustrated so. They will meet up with the Wardens to just discuss what’s been going on since the Noble fight. This will lead to the eventual Lian and Sabi sibling adoption. They are still technically working by learning about the Warden’s regional variants.

—There’s no magical Arceus healing. My poor self insert will get slight scars/injuries from the surveys. Fighting in a Volcano is just crazy, as well as going against a living bomb. Avalugg takes the cake being as massive as he is.

—Ingo won’t recall all his memories. Being, probably, dropped in Hisui through a distortion had its effects. Names help. Occasionally he gets odd snippets of times where he or the face-sharing man are really emotional. (The brain will record when we are feeling extreme emotions, which is kinda why bad times tend to be memorable in detail… Stupid brain). Even with Psychics being real things, trying to force his memories just causes massive strain.

—The whole “Do you love Pokemon?” thing with Kamado will go differently. If I was actually isekai’d and got asked that I would go a different route than the simple yes or no. How a Pokemon grieves is not pleasant to see (referencing Litten and Stoutland). Might be an abrupt start, but I would press on. Pokemon can be close family to some or terrible curses to others. And a few are actual monsters who attack everything in sight. (Gyarados and Hydreigon, even when we befriend them in Pokepark 2 jerk.) They can also be healers to other Pokemon and even people. Anyone of my Pokemon could kill me, but they might also protect my life from a genuine threat. They did protect me when I needed to knock the Noble Pokemon back to their senses. I knew Jubilife before I came here, althoooough it was Jubilife City in the region with Mount Coronet. And at least ten other towns I won’t name. “So yes, I do truly love Pokemon. They can help me do all kinds of things like journey in otherwise dangerous places, Commander.”

—I am not letting him pull the same speech he did in the game. While there are probably unwritten codes for battling (like not using two or more Poker mon in what's supposed to be single battles), I/si wouldn’t follow them by heart when it comes to helping out.

—Checklist Anon. Sorry, the last one got ranty I’m having fun.

I’m having fun too! It’s so very interesting to see people flesh out their fanfics and creations, so I really appreciate you sharing these with me. I read them and just grow so excited for you, because I can remember creating my own stories the way you’re doing, and how much fun it was! Even the more in depth research isn’t bad, when you’re doing it for a personal project like this!

Ahhh, I can’t wait for what you think of next! Your stuff is always so interesting and captivating!!! What a fun character you’re creating!

~Renee

[empoleon]

funny how it works out, innit?

• rated t, one shot, 4310 words

• also available to read here

Leon hates when Raihan’s alarm would sound off in the morning for two reasons. The first is plainly obvious—it means he has to get up and out of the warmth that so pleasantly held him all night long. 

He shuts his eyes a bit tighter while silently hoping the annoying beeps coming from Rotom would somehow turn into some sort of white noise. That idea sounded lovely in his mind. 

There’s a bit of movement to the left of him and an arm is suddenly grabbing at his bare thigh.

“Lee,” Raihan’s voice is thick with sleep, “time to get up. Joggin’ this morning, remember?”

Ah, there it is. That is Leon’s second reason for hating the alarm. Whoever thought of going for morning runs at 5AM was a real bastard.

Rotom stops its incessant beeping and Leon hopes, no, prays, that maybe this will finally be the morning where Raihan changes his mind and they both sleep in instead. 

The covers move slightly and the next thing Leon feels is Raihan’s lips brushing up against his shoulder. 

“Do you need some motivation?” he asks Leon quietly. He moves his lips up near Leon’s neck, and then his jawline, pausing for a moment. “You need to shave.”

“I feel so inspired, thank you,” Leon mutters, but there’s no bite in his tone. 

Raihan pecks him on the cheek and grins. “You’ll feel even better after our run. I’ll be in the shower.”

Leon sighs and nods his head. “Alright, I’m getting up.”

 .

 Leon definitely did need to shave, much to his own surprise. He swears that some nights it’s as though his facial hair goes through some strange growth cycle.

He carefully brings the razor down his jawline and wipes away any excess shaving cream that is left over. 

“Oi, Rotom!” 

Raihan’s voice almost causes Leon to nick himself. “You don’t need to yell! I’m in here too, y’know.”

“Ah, sorry,” his voice sounds muffled momentarily and then he peeks his head out from around the shower curtain. “Hi.”

Leon spares him a glance before turning his attention back to his reflection in the mirror, trying his hardest not to smile.

“So…” Raihan begins, “can you—”

“Can I do you a favor?” Leon cuts him off, angling the razor down his chin.

He shouldn’t look at Raihan. He really, really, shouldn’t, not because of the obvious oh he’s naked reasoning that yes, does make sense, but rather Leon shouldn’t because if he does, he will end up laughing.

“You know me so well, love,” Raihan smiles at him. “Could you grab Rotom for me?”

Leon wipes off the remaining shaving cream off of his face with a cloth and sets it on the sink countertop. He finally dares to look over at Raihan and breaks into a fit of laughter. 

“You’re awful, you know?” he says between laughs. “Absolutely awful.”

Raihan tries to pout at him, but he only succeeds in looking silly—being wet, naked, and wearing a shower cap with Goomy patterns on it isn’t doing him any favors. 

Leon concedes and quickly steps out of the bathroom and back into their bedroom, locating Raihan’s Rotom Phone near his side of the bed. 

The passcode has always been easy to guess, even if Raihan rarely ever updates it. Leon has Rotom pull up the music app before he walks back to the bathroom. He swings the door open and clears his throat loudly.

“I see the crystal raindrops fall, and the beauty of it all is when the sun comes shining through.”

Raihan yells something at him, probably something along the lines of questioning what he’s doing, but Leon pays no mind to it. 

“To make those rainbows in my mind, when I think of you sometime and I wanna spend some time with you.”

“Stop,” Raihan sticks his arm out from the shower and tries to grab at Leon, but he misses. “You’re off-key!”

The chorus of the song begins to play and Leon starts to dance—he only manages to thrust his hips one time before Raihan steals the phone out of his hands. 

“Out,” he demands, a grin on his face. “Get out and go get dressed, you tosser.”

Leon complies and blows him a kiss. “See you in a few!”

 .

 “Do you want to stay home or come with me?” Leon asks Charizard. 

It’s funny when he asks that—Raihan’s apartment in Hammerlocke isn’t exactly their home, but with the amount of time Leon spends here, it may as well be.

He gently scratches at Charizard’s chin, moving his hands up towards his horns. The Pokémon makes a quiet, pleased grunt in reply.

“Yes? You’ll have to stay in your ball though,” Leon reminds him. Charizard nods his head. 

“Alright then,” Leon smiles at him. 

Raihan rounds the corner and steps into the room, tugging a shirt over his head. “I can’t find my gloves—”

“I got ’em,” Leon holds up the thin pair in his hands. “We’re still getting coffee afterwards, right?” 

“Ta, love,” Raihan takes the gloves from him. “Yeah, we are. Big guy coming with us?” he glances at Charizard.

“Yep, just him,” Leon nodded his head and held up a Poké Ball, returning Charizard for now.

They both head towards the apartment door and step outside, Leon first and Raihan after him, making sure to lock the door behind them. 

“Arceus, why do I agree to do this with you?” Leon shivered and jumped up and down, trying to warm himself up. It was closer to six in the morning now, but that definitely didn’t make it any warmer outside.

“Because it’s good for you,” Raihan reminds him as he turns around. “Also, you love me, so,” he shrugs and smiles. 

Leon pauses to look at Raihan, regarding him silently while he fixes his locs. 

I really do love you, he thinks. It brings a smile to his face.

 .

 People always wave and say hello whenever they go on their morning runs. It’s nice. 

“Look, it’s the Chairman!”

“And Raihan, too! How cool!”

Leon is often surprised at how many citizens are actually out doing things at this hour—children, too.

There’s a small cafe next to the Pokémon Center they stopped at. Leon is leaning against the brick outside, catching his breath while Raihan orders them coffee. He cups his hands together and blows on them, trying to warm them up.

A group of young boys nearby are battling Pokémon out in the small courtyard that is adjacent to the cafe. Leon watches them with a small smile.

“Piping hot,” Raihan exits the cafe carrying two medium-sized plastic cups. “’ere you go,” he hands one of them off to Leon, who takes it graciously. 

“Do you know what that’s all about?” Leon takes a sip out of his cup and motions across the way to a small hanging advertisement on one of Hammerlocke’s many skyscrapers.

Raihan leans forward and tries to make out the fine print on the sign. “Uh… something about weddings, I think. It’s this new thing the city’s been promoting since spring is around the corner.”

“Weddings? In Hammerlocke?” Leon raises an eyebrow. “You’d think Wyndon would be more of a hotspot for such a thing.”

“Oi, watch it,” Raihan nudges him with an elbow. “You and I both know it’s quite lovely here all year round.”

“Hey, Mr. Raihan?” 

One of the young boys who was battling runs over towards them before Leon has a chance to come up with a rebuttal. 

“’ello, chap!” Raihan squats down to greet him. “Something the matter?”

The boy glances between the two of them and back at his friend before he speaks up. “We were wonderin’ if you could give us some pointers.”

Leon chuckles. “Popular this morning, aren’t we?”

“Oh, shush,” Raihan elbows him once again before turning his attention to the boy. “I’d be happy to, but are you sure you wouldn’t rather have the former Champion give you some tips?”

“We want him to watch!” the boy exclaimed. “Please don’t go anywhere,” he tells Leon earnestly, to which he laughs again.

“I’ll be right here then,” he nods his head. 

The young boy leads Raihan over towards his friend while Leon watches them with amusement. About a month or so ago, it probably would have made him feel a bit bad about himself if any young Pokémon trainers weren’t interested in… who he was.

Everything is different now though, of course. He’s happy to no longer be the one always in the spotlight. 

A group of Rookidee fly overhead and their chirps blend together with the sound of Raihan’s voice and the two young trainers laughing. 

 .

 “Mr. Chairman, we will need you to go over this and sign it sometime this week,” a league staff member hands Leon a small stack of documents.

“Alright, sure thing,” he flips through the papers briefly. “I don’t have any meetings scheduled for this evening, right?”

“No, sir.”

“Great, thank you—”

Leon’s Rotom Phone flies straight into his face and flashes its screen. “You have a new message, Leon!”

The league staff member excuses themself from the room and Leon sighs.

“Quite the entrance, Rotom, but didn’t we talk about this?” he frowns. “When I’m busy you can’t just fly in here at random, unless—”

“It is a message from Raihan!” Rotom tells him in its high-pitched voice.

That changes Leon’s demeanor immediately. “Oh.”

 .

 He ends up calling Raihan instead because he absolutely loathes texting the man.

“I don’t see anything… are you sure it was an explosion?”

Leon is staring out one of the glass panels in the Battle Tower, scanning the local area. His Rotom Phone is hovering beside him.

“I’m telling you, I heard some kind of loud bang,” Raihan’s voice says over the line. “I’m at the boutique right now, by the way. Can I use your discount?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Leon says absentmindedly. “Oh wait—I think I do see something.”

There’s a puff of smoke out in the horizon that is faintly tinged blue and purple. It’s hard to make it out for certain, but if Leon didn’t know any better, he would say it looks like—

“Leon? Are you there?” Raihan asks him after a moment.

“It’s a wedding ceremony,” Leon sounds breathless. “Wow, it’s beautiful.”

There are countless Butterfree and Pidove flying over the area from what he can see after the smoke begins to fade. 

“—weather, really?”

Leon blinks and shakes his head. “Come again?”

“I said with this weather I’m surprised,” Raihan’s voice expresses his astonishment. “It tried to snow just the other day!” 

“It sure is pretty, though,” Leon presses a hand up against the glass window. His breath fogs up the view for a second and he wipes at it with his sleeve. “I told you Wyndon is perfect for these kinds of events.”

“Yeah, yeah,” even without seeing it, Leon knows Raihan is rolling his eyes. “You’re still meeting me at the station once you’re done with your work, right?”

Leon chuckles and steps away from the window. “If you’ll still have me for dinner, yes.” 

“Wouldn’t change that for the world, love,” Rahain tells him.

 .

 “Why do I have to be here with you again, Lee?” Hop trudges along behind his brother as they walk towards a local jeweler’s store. “It’s so early,” he whines. 

“This place opens at nine,” Leon glances down at his wristwatch to check the time. 8:42 is displayed in a bright green color.

“That doesn’t answer my question, though,” Hop stops Leon from crossing the street and points to his left. “Wouldn’t Sonia be a more suitable friend to ask?”

Leon turns his head to glance down the street and frowns. He could have sworn they needed to cross here, but apparently he was wrong.

“No way could I ask Sonia to come with me,” he says after a moment. “She’d have a laugh at me, for sure.”

“And you think I won’t?” Hop grins at his older brother while they walk down the pavement. 

“The difference is,” Leon pauses in front of the shop’s door once they reach it. “I can handle your jokes, little bro. I’ll never hear the end of this from Sonia once she finds out.”

 .

 “Do you need any help today, sir?” 

Leon is about to speak up, but Hop beats him to it. “We’re good, thank you.”

After the clerk walks away, he turns towards Leon and shoots him a look. “You’re going to blow your cover if you speak to anyone!” 

Leon winces and nods his head. “Alright, alright—I forgot, sorry.” 

They’re the only two customers currently inside the quaint shop due to it being so early. Hop is dressed fairly normal, mostly because he had no idea where Leon was planning to bring him at such an early hour. 

Leon, on the other hand, tried his best to look inconspicuous—he doesn’t need the media finding out about this yet. That apparently means donning his usual attire, fairly casual, including a snapback—yes, the picture perfect example of being discreet.

At least he opted to wear a pair of sunglasses.

“What do you think of this?” Leon points to a certain piece behind some glass. “It should match his eyes, yeah?”

“That is so corny, Lee,” Hop snickers. “You’re absolutely whipped.”

“Don’t start with me,” he tries to sound stern, but it’s extremely difficult for him to hide the smile that’s spreading across his face. It’s true. 

Hop steps to the side of him and peers into the glass display. 

“He’ll love it,” he says after a moment, and it helps to calm Leon’s budding nerves. “It’s perfect.”

 .

Leon waits one whole week before he decides to give Raihan the present he bought for him. It’s been safely tucked away in a spot where no one would dare to look—Leon’s closet.

(which is actually raihan’s spare closet in his apartment, but leon has turned it into an endless hoard of snapbacks and joggers.)

He’s equal parts nervous and excited when he hears the door click open that evening and the familiar sound of Raihan setting his bag on the floor. 

Leon slides into the hallway on his socks, excited. “Welcome home!”

In his head, he pictured Raihan coming home all cheery and bright, like he normally would. Unfortunately, that is not how this particular evening pans out.

Raihan looks… tired. Exhausted is probably a better word for it.

“You alright?” Leon walks over towards him and holds out his arms. Raihan eagerly leans into the welcoming embrace. 

“Yeah, ’m just really knackered,” he sighs and presses his face into Leon’s shoulder. “Sonia had called and—”

“Sonia called?” Leon gently nudges him back and leads him into their living room. “Why?”

“She’s been doing some research and me, being the nice bloke that I am—”

Leon pauses to consider this. “You are pretty nice.”

“I know,” Raihan grins as he sits down on the sofa. “Anyway, I told her I could poke around in the vault, see if there’d be anything of use.”

“And you ended up staying there for hours, right?” Leon knows him too well. Raihan is always the one offering to lend a hand if need be.

“I almost couldn’t get up after I realized how late it was getting,” he groans and flops back into the cushions. “Sitting hunched over for so bloody long was a mistake on my part.”

“Gotta take care of yourself, y’know,” Leon walks into the kitchen for a brief moment before poking his head back around the doorway. “Did you have supper already? If not, I could reheat you some leftovers.”

Raihan slowly rises up from the sofa and stretches. “Nah, I think I’m going to turn in for the night.” 

Well this certainly isn’t part of Leon’s grand plan to give Raihan his present. 

“Are you sure?” For some reason, Leon can’t bring himself to move out of the doorway in the kitchen. He should try to think of something to keep Raihan busy so he could—

“Yeah, I’m good,” he gives Leon a lopsided smile. “I’ll see you in a bit. Night.”

“Night,” Leon softly parrots it back to him. He watches quietly while Raihan leaves the room and ascends the stairs. 

There’s always tomorrow, he tells himself. What’s one more day?

“Yeah,” Leon nods his head and pats his face, feeling more determined. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

It doesn’t take him long to turn off the lights in the kitchen and head upstairs himself, wondering if Raihan already made it into bed or if he decided to take a shower beforehand. 

Leon can’t say he’s surprised when he steps into Raihan’s bedroom and finds the man curled up under the covers instead. 

He stops by the edge of the bed and runs his hand along the outline of Raihan’s calf. 

“Did you wash your face?” Leon murmurs the question. His fingers move up slowly towards the head of the bed and he rests his hand on Raihan’s shoulder.

“No,” is the sleepy reply he gets a second later. It partially sounds like a groan. “Didn’t think of it, actually.” 

“That’s alright,” Leon’s hand moves towards Raihan’s cheek and caresses his skin. “Missing one day won’t hurt.” 

“You coming to bed?” Raihan sticks his hand out from the covers and blindly tries to grab at Leon’s arm to pull him closer. 

“Yep, budge over,” he proceeds to climb on top of Raihan and sprawls out across his body, which causes both men to start laughing. 

Tomorrow can’t come soon enough. 

 .

 Leon thinks he made a mistake when he decided to do this in the morning. He forgot about his number one enemy—the bloody alarm. 

He rolls over onto his back and yawns. The alarm ceases its beeping and Leon turns his head to look over at Raihan. 

“Mornin’,” he says with a small smile. 

Raihan’s voice is a bit muffled, but Leon is pretty certain he heard him say it back, and then there are arms wrapping around Leon’s waist.

“Are we going for a run today?” Leon asks him, assuming he already knows the answer. The bed is pleasantly comfortable this morning, but he’s not going to hold his breath on the chance that today might finally be one day they get to sleep in.

“No way,” Raihan buries his face into Leon’s shoulder and sighs. “I want to sleep.”

Leon blinks at him. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Alright,” he isn’t going to argue or ask why—he wants to enjoy this for as long as possible.

He’s not sure how much time has passed when he wakes up again, but he hears water running and music playing. 

Leon rolls over to check the time—10:30. Not too late at least. 

He sits up and stretches, swinging his legs off the side of the bed. “Raihan?”

“Yes?” his voice carries out from the bathroom, definitely sounding more cheerful than he did last night. 

“Good morning!” Leon calls out. “Are you showering?”

Raihan pokes his head out the bathroom doorway. “Not yet, why? Need the loo?”

“Nah, just wanted to see your lovely face before you clean up,” he grins. “Don’t take too long, alright?”

“Mhm,” Raihan doesn’t sound convinced. He steps out of the bathroom and crosses his arms. “Are you going to sit there and wait until I’m done then?”

Leon nods his head solemnly. “Yep.”

An eyebrow is raised and a look is shared between the two men, but neither one of them says anything else. Raihan shrugs and returns to the bathroom, and Leon…

Leon decides to act. Quickly. Before he loses his nerve again. 

He gets up from the bed and walks over to the closet, finding the gift he hid among his clothes. The store clerk had wrapped it in a small grey box with a ribbon on top. Nothing too flashy. 

“Okay,” Leon whispers to himself. “Okay, I can do this. I’ll practice and—it’ll be fine, yeah.”

He paces back and forth in the bedroom for a few moments before he stops and takes a deep breath. 

Kneeling down is easy, so he doesn’t have to practice that part. But what in the world is he going to say?

“Oi, Lee? D’you mind grabbing me a shirt?” 

Raihan barely has one foot into their bedroom and he turns his head and sees Leon and more importantly, what Leon’s doing. 

“Oh,” Leon’s brows raise up the second he remembers he’s still down on one knee. 

“What are you… doing?” Raihan asks him slowly. 

“Marry me?” 

His voice cracks, and it is absolutely embarrassing the living hell out of Leon, but he did it. He feels proud of himself, in a way. 

Raihan simply stares at him and says nothing at first. The shower head running in the bathroom is the only other noise that can be heard.

“Lee,” he swallows before continuing, “you want to do this right now?” 

Leon nods his head energetically. “Yes.”

“I’m in my knickers,” Raihan gestures to himself and lets out a shaky laugh. “Seriously? You’re not having a laugh at me?”

“No,” Leon scrambles to stand up and reaches out to grab Raihan by his shoulders. “No, never. I promise. I love you.” 

A flicker of emotion crosses Raihan’s features before he ends up wrapping his arms around Leon’s waist and pulls him into an embrace. 

“You’re a complete knobhead, you know that?” Raihan buries his face into Leon’s shoulder. “I love you so much.”

“So is that a yes… or?” Leon is hesitant to ask. 

Yes, yes,” Raihan nods his head. He pulls Leon back and smiles at him. “A thousand times yes.”

Leon grins up at him and carefully takes Raihan’s left hand into his own, slipping the ring onto his finger. It fits perfectly and now that Leon can see it on Raihan’s hand, he’s glad he picked the one with a thin stripe of cerulean.

He feels like he’s floating on an Altaria’s wings, knowing that he’s finally going to be marrying his best friend.

There’s this look on Raihan’s face though, and it’s gone within a second, but it’s as though he suddenly remembered something. Leon almost doesn’t catch it.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. 

“Promise me you won’t get upset?” Raihan bites his lip. 

Leon immediately assumes the worst—this is a mistake, he doesn’t want to marry you—but he slowly nods his head and tries to prepare himself.

Raihan steps away for a moment and walks over towards his side of the bed, rummaging through the nightstand. He pulls out a small box that looks identical to the one Leon had. 

“No,” Leon gasps, mouth agape with disbelief. “Bloody hell, you’re kidding right?”

“I wish I was,” Raihan sits down on the edge of the bed and holds out the box for Leon to take. 

This box is dark blue in color and velvet—it feels very soft to Leon’s touch. When he opens it, he can’t help but laugh. 

“This is beautiful,” he says after a moment of examining the silver ring. “How long have you had this hidden?”

Raihan counts with his fingers. “About two weeks, I think. Almost three. I was trying to find the right time to—well, you know—but I guess you beat me to it.”

Leon sits down next to him and hands the box back over. “You can still ask me if you want.” 

He glances at Raihan to see him considering this. 

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes,” Leon says without any hesitation. “Please?”

Raihan gets up and moves himself into position in front of Leon. He looks into those amber eyes, takes a deep breath—and he starts to laugh instead.

“Oh, come off it!” Leon playfully shoves at him. “You need to say it!”

The laughter subsides as Raihan tries to compose himself again. He slowly takes one of Leon’s hands into his own and glances up at him. 

“Will you marry me?” 

Leon nods his head enthusiastically. “Yes,” and to the surprise of no one, his voice cracks a bit again. 

Raihan slides the ring onto Leon’s finger with a steady hand, right before he’s tackled back onto the floor by his new fiancé.

“I love you so much,” Leon peppers Raihan’s face with kisses. “So very, very much.” 

 .

 “So,” Raihan starts to say, “ceremony in Wyndon, after party in Hammerlocke?” 

They’re having lunch at the Battle Café in Motostoke. It’s been approximately two days since they both proposed to each other.

Leon is fiddling with his ring, barely paying attention to a single word Raihan says when he nods his head. 

“And honeymoon in… Postwick,” Raihan settles on saying, waiting for Leon’s actual reaction.

It works quite comically. Leon finally snaps his head up in horror. “No, absolutely not in Postwick. Are you mad?”

“Nope,” Raihan grins. “Just wondering when you’re going to stop staring at your hand. I know it’s pretty, but I am right here, you know.”

“So you’re saying I should be paying attention to you,” Leon bites back a smirk. He doesn’t phrase it as a question and states it as though it’s obvious. 

(of course it is.)

Raihan nods his head. “Well, that would be nice.”

Leon holds out his hands and waits for Raihan to reach across the table and lace their fingers together. 

“I love you,” he says with a warm smile, bringing Raihan’s hands up towards his lips. Kisses are pressed along his knuckles and Leon pauses once he reaches the silver band.

At least he took his eyes off of his own ring for a moment.

Raihan returns the gesture with a gentle squeeze. “I love you more. What about Alola?”

“Alola sounds perfect,” he agrees.

[ghostie-gengar]

pokemon bw gym leaders on a road trip

The Gym Leaders of Unova decide to go on a road trip together, and chaos quickly unfolds. (inspired by @thegreenzorua )

It’s a nice summer day, so what better thing to do than have all the Gym Leaders cram themselves into a car for a nice bonding experience road trip?

...Said no one. Ever.

Well, Alder said it, since he thought it would be a grEat idea for all the gym leaders to “get friendlier with each other” and “become one as a big team,” or something.

And so far, it’s a nightmare.

Drayden’s trailer van is big enough to accommodate fourteen people, but even then everyone’s squished against each other. Plus, the vehicle drives so unsteadily and makes these alarming sputter-y noises every few minutes, as if it’s about to give up completely.

And the radio is so. loud. It’s hard to tell which is louder, the radio, the engine noises, or everyone else singing.

Iris and Roxie basically said “screw that” to road safety and neglected their seat belts, and now they’re running and climbing around the car like a couple of Aipom.

Occasionally Drayden will scold them with a stern, “Don’t make me turn this car around,” but they don’t listen.

Cheren covers his ears, but that doesn’t do a good enough job blocking out the noise. “I’m gonna punch someone,” he says, and somehow Clay hears him.

“Aw, c’mon. Donchu deal wit rowdy children all day?”

“If my students were this loud, I’d be an alcoholic.”

Clay laughs at that, but he also finds this road trip is wearing quite thin.

“Grandpaaaaaaa, are we almost theeeeeeere?” Iris whines for the seventeenth time this hour.

“No, we have a few more hours to go.”

Cheren and Clay groan.

Marlon’s also sitting next to them, but he’s resting his head on his hand, staring out the window like an emo anime character. It looks like he’s doing an okay job of zoning out, but he appears to be a common target for Iris and Roxie’s roughhousing.

“Sorry Marls,” Roxie yells as she trips over a seat and slams into him.

He repeatedly bangs his head against the window as she gets up and jumps away.

The Striaton triplets, Chili, Cress and Cilan, are fortnite dancing in their seats, a skill they no doubt learned from Hilbert, and it’s painfully cringy.

“Ooh, I love this song!” Elesa starts singing along to a song that just started playing on the radio.

“Nope. Swears.” Drayden skips the song.

“What?? Burgh’s been cussing left and right singing along to hollaback girl!”

Burgh rolls his eyes. “Oh sure, now it’s about me.”

The two of them start bickering.

How on earth have they been friends for so long?? They’re literally always doing things to set each other off. Like, one time, Burgh came in holding a plate of toaster strudels and Elesa smacked the plate, so Burgh called her an indecent fat hog.

Skyla slips between them as it looks like they’re about to have a frickin brawl in the front seats. “Guys guys, let’s be civil about this. Rap battle!”

Elesa and Burgh are terrible rappers.

Cheren takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes. “This is physically and emotionally painful.”

Once it was determined that there would be no rap battle victor, which didn’t take long (thank arceus), a different song comes on that everyone likes.

That might be worse than the rap battle, as everyone in the front save for Drayden starts singing along. loudly.

Iris and Roxie’s voices ring throughout the car as they bounce around on everything and everyone.

Lenora sings into an imaginary mic, and who knew she could hit those high notes so well??

Meanwhile Burgh and Elesa are back to being friends, leaning on each other and singing as flamboyantly as possible, whatever the heck that even means.

The song changes again, and Roxie yells, “Yo!!!!! This is one of my songs!!!”

Then she, along with the other singers, starts screaming the lyrics, aside from the triplets because they’re making fun of Chili for messing up the words.

“Dude, can you not spell Pokemon??” Cress seems like he might actually think his brother is stupid.

“Leave me alone I thought the M came before the E!!”

“Dumbass,” Cilan whispers.

“Hold on a sec guys, hourly check-up,” Burgh says, turning the radio down. “Brycen? You alive back there?”

Everyone silently turns their heads towards the back seat where Brycen sits all by himself, since he threatened to punch anyone who tried to sit next to him.

Brycen’s slumped in the seat, unmoving and staring blankly at the seat in front of him. He slowly reaches for the roll-down-the-window-button.

“Noooooooooo,” everyone in the car yells.

He’s been doing that for the past few hours. The first time, ten minutes into the drive, everyone thought he was too hot, since a car crammed with sweaty people probably would be unpleasant for an ice-type trainer. But no. He tried to jump out the window.

Not to die or anything, he just really really wanted to leave.

Cheren, Clay and Marlon could hardly blame him.

Ever since, they’ve been checking in on him to make sure he wasn’t gone.

Brycen sighs, then looks directly at Burgh. “I wanna go home.”

[winryofresembool]

EdWin ficlet: I Choose You?

A/N: @protectjackaboy​ requested I write something inspired by the modern day AU fic It’s Not a Big Deal. So, here’s a silly INaBD verse ficlet with lots of Pokémon talk. Bewear, if you are not ready for Pokémon puns, this fic is not for you. @11random-person11 helped me with some of them, thanks ♥

Sorry for the possible inaccuracies! Ed and Winry of course belong to Hiromu Arakawa, and INaBD belongs to the awesome @hangonsilvergirl. I’m just playing with their creations.

Genre: fluffy silliness

Words: 800+

Ed’s normal text, Winry’s bolded

Morning Win

Good morning! What are you up to?

Not much, just sitting on the couch trying to watch children’s TV shows AS LOUDLY as I can because some asshole who’s living with me talked on the phone ‘till 2 am last night. With Mei.

Karma is a bitch, huh? I remember you doing that very same thing last week. With me.

HEY, WE HAD A VERY IMPORTANT STAR WARS CONVERSATION. /YOU/ wanted to hear my opinion on Leia’s character, and you got one!

Well, I didn’t mean you needed to speak a whole hour about her hair buns. When you grow your hair out, I’m gonna make /you/ wear them.

I’ll have you know they look very badass and I’d proudly wear them even now if my hair was longer.

Sometimes I really wonder why I find you attractive…

Please. You just can’t resist my charm ;P

In your dreams.

Pffft. ANYWAY guess which show just started?

Umm, My Little Pony? That sounds like your kind of thing.

I COULD watch my little pony!! But no, it’s pokemon!!

Awww, I used to love that show! And Pan has a 3ds, I sometimes borrow it to train my own team.

So she’s a future olympic athlete AND a pokemon champion? That must look good on her CV.

… OK what the hell is this animation? It looked so much cooler back when I was a Pokemon fan. I swear, these shows just keep getting worse and worse…

Let me open my TV as well! Brb.

OK I’m watching it now and aww I think this style is cute! The colors are beautiful and their expressions are so lively. And oh, Ash is still there… Good memories!

I guess that poor bastard still hasn’t become a Pokemon master. He’s been trying for… what, probably something like 20 years? I think he’s started before I was even born. And that Pikachu definitely should be level 100 now…

Hey, don’t mock him! He’s trying. Wait, did they just meet with Misty and Brock? I can’t believe they are back too!

Tbh I always liked Gary the best, he’s the coolest…

Of course you did.

I’m pretending I don’t understand what you mean. Hey, who’s that kid with those black clothes in the opening? And do you think I could rock his style (what am I asking of course I could)

?

I think he’s Gladion (Pan has let me play Pokemon Sun) and I don’t think Mr. Mustang would stop making fun of you if you cut your hair like that.

I don’t give a shit about that bastard’s opinion!!!

OOOOKKK then.

Hey! Don’t even…

Ooor what? Please tell me Ed.

I… ugh… nothing.

That’s more like it.

Wait a minute… Is that pokemon’s name actually bewear? That’s the most ridiculous and/or awesome thing I’ve heard.

Pretty much all the Pokemon names are puns of some kind.

I think I’ve found my new dream job: naming new pokemon. Is there a list all the existing pokemon anywhere btw?

I’ve heard of bulbapedia but you can just google it.

K K.

Oh.

There are over 800 of them???? Holy shit I’ve missed a lot.

Listen everyone. The edgy, badass Edward Elric is becoming a pokemon fan.

Excuse me there’s nothing wrong with pokemon! Remember, I even did the pokerap once!!

I’m not gonna lie, that was pretty epic. Maybe do it again when we meet the next time? I’d love to witness it live.

I think I have more important things to do then 

Like what? 

Kissing with my girlfriend whom I get to see only at the weekends?

Fine, you won.

Don’t I know it

Know when to shut up, m’dear. 

Har de har.

Look at this thing. Incineroar. Does that belt shoot fire? Dark type? Red and black? I think I’ve found my favorite!!!

What’s your favorite type, btw?

Steel, for sure. I mean, how adorable is Klink? Look:

I think you must be literally the only person in this world who would say that. Gearhead.

Chemistry freak.

Unown I’ve always wanted to say this one thing…

Did you just… google pokemon puns? That is so… onix-pected of you.

Oh my God.

OK here’s a good one…

Never mind I Deino if I'll be able to think of any

Pffft that’s just Trubbish.

Now I got one. What do I call Al after I win him in a running match?

Well, I must Axew what.

Slowbro!!

That was Absol-utely awful.

Bewear, there’s a small Chansey I have more of them in my pockets.

Oh Arceus maybe it’s better if we stop now.

Arceus? Is that like the god pokemon?

Yup.

I like that. I’m gonna use that one from now on.

Hey, Winry?

Yeah?

I’m so Happiny we accidentally started talking.

You know what? Mewtwo.

<3

Also, have I told your smile is very beautifly?

Aww, thanks Ed. Where’s this sudden sappiness coming from?

I dunno, I guess you just have the Klefki to my heart. 

You are blushing there right now, I just know it. But I guess I could say the thing back to you :3

Here’s one more: If you were a Pokémon, I’d choose you

I have no words. You are having too much fun with those puns, aren’t you?

I feel this is like a gold mine that just keeps giving and giving…

I probably can’t get you quiet anymore. Anyway, as much as I’d Luvdisc to continue to talk to you, Granny’s waiting. See you later, Feraligatr?

In a while, Krookodile

😉

[pokemaniacal]

Pokémon Moon, Episode 8: In Which I Am Given A Stern Talking-To By A Colourful Sisterly Figure

“So what you’re saying is, you almost killed my Totem Lurantis because your crazy great-grandmother would have wanted it that way?”  Mallow folds her arms as she waits for an answer. “…she had a drinking problem.  And a gambling problem.  And… several legal problems.  But she was pretty spry for 94.” “When did she…?” “Um… well, about eight years back, the law caught up with her, and she grabbed a shotgun, stole a motorbike, kidnapped the neighbours’ Heracross, and skipped town, laughing all the way.  Honestly she’s, uh… probably still kicking.  Somewhere out there.”  I idly dunk a spoon in the half-finished pot of stew from Mallow’s trial and taste it. “Mmmmmmmm, that’s so f%&£ing good. Good call on the Revival Herb, by the way.”  Mallow shudders. “Okay, well… I’m pretty sure you did technically pass my trial… somehow… so… take these, I guess.” She thrusts a sack of Nest Balls at me, then hands me her Z-Crystal, the Grassium-Z, and leaves me to explore the jungle on my own.  Now that I can encounter and catch wild Pokémon there, I am rewarded with three new ones: Bounsweet, Comfey, and Oranguru.  I’m not exactly inspired by these so far.  Bounsweet is a round, pinkish-red fruit Pokémon that brings to mind the phrase “oh, look, it’s Cherubi,” but it does evolve into something that might not be Cherrim, so we’ll give it the benefit of the doubt.  Comfey is a Hawaiian lei Pokémon, one of those Flabébé-like Fairy-types that really looks as though it should be a Grass-type and has a bunch of stuff that supports Grass-types; it’s nice and thematically appropriate to the setting but doesn’t seem to evolve, and so far doesn’t really look like it’ll measure up to a fully-evolved Florges.  The third Pokémon, Oranguru, is so far the most interesting-looking – a purple and white apelike Normal/Psychic Pokémon that fights from a cross-legged sitting position.  It too shares a Pokédex page with something else, so there’s a good chance it will evolve.

When I leave the jungle, Professor Kukui turns up to congratulate me on passing all three of Akala Island’s trials, and remind me that I’m not off the hook yet: the next step is to face Kahuna Olivia in battle, to provide amusement for whatever primitive heathen deity rules this island.  But first, he has a little diversion for me: he wants me to come and visit a facility known as the Dimensional Research Lab, back in Heahea City. “If this is your way of recruiting me to some wild goose chase of a research project that’s going to get me killed in a ridiculous sci-fi laser explosion, Kukui, I swear to Arceus…” “No, of course not!” he protests.  “At the very worst you’ll be trapped in an alien nightmare dimension with no hope of ever returning home!  It’ll be no worse than being hit simultaneously with Mean Look, Trick Room, Shadow Force, and Dark Void.”  I stare at him in silence for a solid thirty seconds. “Eh. Good enough.” 

Lillie is already at the lab when I get there, trying to teach Nebby to use Splash, of all things.  I see right through her (admittedly clever) deception, of course.  When your real goal is for your Pokémon to lay waste to a region with the most powerful move of all – Explosion – what better way of avoiding suspicion than by pretending to focus on the weakest move of all?  I’m wise to your schemes, terrorist girl.  I give her a suspicious leer, causing her to squeak in feigned shock, and we enter the lab together.  The Dimensional Research Lab is run by one Professor Burnet, who happens to be Professor Kukui’s wife (GOD DAMN IT HE’S STRAIGHT).  She is also a friend of Lillie, having… randomly discovered her and Nebby lying unconscious on a beach three months ago.  This was apparently not a significant red flag to anyone involved. Lillie claims that she had been looking for Burnet anyway, and had simply “gotten lost” on the beach before collapsing from exhaustion.  How convenient, that circumstances should align so neatly for her to gain the sympathy and enter the confidence of the very professors she had been seeking.  I squint at Lillie again, mouth the words “I’m onto you,” and start scribbling in a notebook.  She returns a look of utter bewilderment and pulls down the brim of her hat to cover her face.  More importantly, returning to the conversation at hand, Burnet is a physicist who has dedicated much of her career to the study of strange phenomena designated “ultra wormholes.”  These are, as far as I can glean, mysterious wibbly-wobbly spacey-wacey holes in reality that occasionally appear in the sky over Alola and randomly spit out powerful demon-Pokémon to terrorise the region.

…this, I point out to nobody in particular, is yet another thing that the tourism brochures mysteriously failed to mention.

Professor Burnet is evasive when I try to ask her whether she’s actually seen a wormhole, or one of these “ultra beasts,” but notes that several known Pokémon possess power over dimensions, and claims that the sensitive equipment in her lab should be able to detect the wormholes. She also explains that the four guardian deities of Alola fought against the demonic invaders in ancient times to protect their region… which suddenly makes me very nervous that Tapu Koko’s plans to ruin my holiday may go way beyond just making me fight Pokémon battles for its amusement.

Of course, the instant I leave the lab, a gigantic glowing rift in space appears briefly in the sky, as if to taunt me, before closing up a few moments later. I’m… totally going to get drafted into a war between dimensions, aren’t I?

Whatever. Not my problem.  I’m just going to get on with this trial nonsense and pretend I didn’t see th- oh, gods, what if Nebby is the vanguard of the demonic invasion???  No! Nope.  I’m not thinking about that.  Just… go find Olivia.

Kahuna Olivia lives in Konikoni City, on Akala Island’s southwest coast.  To get there, I have to travel through Alola’s take on the Diglett’s Cave, a tunnel system inhabited by Zubat and Alolan Steel Diglett.  Olivia herself is actually there when I arrive, but is apparently too busy for me and requests that I meet her at her shop in Konikoni.  What is she busy with?  Well… apparently working with some of those Aether Foundation conservationists. The Foundation rents space in an office building in Heahea City, next to Professor Burnet’s lab (and right above Game Freak’s Alola branch), though as far as I can tell they don’t actually do anything there.  Their presence in the tunnels is a response to some recent unusual Diglett activity that has been making the area dangerous for travellers and miners, which they blame on Team Skull’s shenanigans.  Well, their story checks out – further into the caves, I encounter two Team Skull grunts I don’t recognise, and battle them in tandem with Hau, who is gradually becoming almost respectable as a trainer.  That was simple enough… almost weirdly so.  Team Skull are such buffoons, and I’m not even sure what they were trying to accomplish by disturbing the Diglett. Could there be some greater design behind their nonsense…?

…nah, I’m just being paranoid.  Just because their name starts with “Team” doesn’t mean they’re going to open a dozen of these wormholes and bring about the apocalypse.

Once on the other side of the tunnel, I take a brief look around Konikoni City. It’s a colourful city with heavily Japanese-influenced architecture.  Like most big Alolan cities, it’s a hub for tourism, with markets that sell rare incenses, TMs and clothing.  Down by the cape, there’s a lighthouse, but I can’t access it (yet?), as well as a woman who not only offers to teach my Pikachu Volt Tackle, but even gives me a special Z-Crystal.  I thought these things were sacred relics!  The Pikanium-Z, when its power is unleashed by the absolute stupidest dance I have yet been taught, transforms Volt Tackle into a truly devastating super-move… Catastropika. Catastropika?  Really?  That’s the name we’re going with here, Alola?  Not, like… Pikalamity, or Pikataclysm, or just Pi-Kaboom? Seriously, the translators dropped the ball on this $#!t. Whatever.  Apparently the rules for Z-moves are a little different to what the previous crystals had led me to believe – some of them are related, like Mega Stones, to just one species, or even just one move used by that species. Then there’s Olivia’s own shop. Olivia, a Rock Pokémon specialist, sells evolutionary stones and fossils.  Contrary to her earlier promise, she’s not there, but has left her Probopass to run the shop (because… why not?) and given it a message, telling me to join her at the nearby Ruins of Life, the home of the guardian Tapu Lele. 

Ohhhhh no. No.  I’ve already got one of these ‘guardians’ lording it over me and telling me what to do, just because it… like… I don’t know, saved my life or whatever.  The last thing I need is Tapu Lele arbitrarily deciding to offer me “guidance,” or punish me for trespassing, or turn me into an attractive paperweight, or-

Ugggggggh, but on the other hand, I can totally see a couple of members of Team Skull heading for the Ruins of Life through that creepy cemetery outside town. If Olivia’s gone out there to fight them, or they’ve gone out there to attack her… well, then frankly that’s her problem, right? …right? “Zzzzzt! I dunno, boss!” the Rotomdex interjects. “Sure seemzzzz like it’d be a dick move not to at least go check it out!” “No one asked you, you cursed calculator-watch,” I mutter, but decide to go anyway.  If Olivia… somehow can’t handle those idiots, it’s bound to be my fault, one way or another. 

I do my best to pick my way respectfully through the cemetery on Memorial Hill, skirting carefully around each grave.  As I reach the other side, I spot the two Team Skull grunts – it’s “B” again, with another of his idiot friends.  But it’s not just them – there’s a Slowpoke with them, and they’re arguing with an Aether Foundation worker.  Beside her is a green-haired man with huge yellow-green glasses and a white lab coat, regarding the situation with strange detachment.  As I approach, I hear the Foundation worker shouting. “Team Skull!  Give back that Pokémon!”  The second grunt flicks a few random gang signs in her direction as he shouts his response. “Don’t give me trouble!  I’ll reduce you to rubble!” “Mmm, trouble/rubble; there’s an original one,” I interrupt, sidling up between the Aether Foundation worker and the man in the glasses.  “You know, I bet you’re the first in all the history of the English language to rhyme those two.”  I shoot the young woman a glance, and stage-whisper to her “Sarcastic enough? D’you think they’ll get it?”  She only stares at me, dumbfounded, so I shrug and turn back to the Team Skull grunts.  “Sorry, am I interrupting something?  You weren’t about to kidnap this Pokémon, were you?”  I feign a wide-eyed gasp.  “Tsk, tsk, tsk… You know, I really thought we were getting somewhere, boys, I honestly did.”  The second grunt just looks bewildered (I’m not totally sure whether I’ve met him before), but B looks like smoke is about to start pouring out of his ears.  I give him my most practiced look of sincere disappointment.  “Come on; I thought we were moving past this.  Can’t you let this one go?  For me?” I smile at him. “But- wh- you- NO!” he splutters.  “We’re gonna sell this Pokémon to get rich, and we won’t make no bones about it!  If you want it back, y- you- you’re gonna have to take it!”  I sigh and reach for a Pokéball… until the other grunt abruptly gets a look of comprehension and elbows B in the side. “Yo, homie?” he says quietly.  “This ain’t…? Is it?”  B turns to him and continues spluttering. “Wh-what you talkin’bout, dawg?” “Look, you don’t gotta let nobody step to you when your Team Skull brothers are around, ‘specially not this fool!  Take a chill pill, homie; I got your back!”  B’s gaze flicks back and forth between me and the other grunt for several seconds, then they both turn their backs to me and start arguing.  The Aether Foundation woman gives me a quizzical look, as though to ask for an explanation.  I shrug at her, but then inspiration strikes.  I hold a finger to my lips to signal for quiet, then crouch low and try to make eye contact with the Slowpoke.  It looks directly at me… then yawns and looks away.  I snap my fingers, glancing at the grunts to make sure they haven’t noticed, and the Slowpoke – with all the urgency of cold treacle – turns its stupid dopey face towards me.  I jab a finger at it and start beckoning it towards me.  A full ten seconds later, it gives a decisive nod, turns around, and begins walking directly away from me.  I roll my eyes, then glance around, grab a convenient rock, take careful aim, and throw it at the Slowpoke, striking it on the back of the head.  It turns around to face me again.  I jab my finger at it again, then point firmly at the ground beneath my feet and start beckoning once more.  This time, the blasted thing apparently gets the message and starts crawling steadily towards me.  I glance up again.  The Team Skull grunts are still deep in an animated argument about… something.  It’s definitely turning out worse for B, who is holding one hand to his face and cringing for some reason.  About a minute later, the Slowpoke reaches me.  I silently make a coo-ing face at it, and pat it gently on the head, giving a thumbs-up to the Aether Foundation girl with my other hand. “Sloooooooooooow…” the Slowpoke says, appreciatively.  This, unfortunately, gets the attention of the grunts again, who spin around to face me. “Right!” I say decisively, standing up straight and clapping my hands together. “I’m sure we all have other business to attend to today, so why don’t we all just-” but the second grunt is having none of that. “You ready?” he yells at me, grabbing a Pokéball from his belt.  “Cuz I was born ready, yo!” “Well…” I sigh, “worth a try.”  I send out my own (infinitely more responsive) Slowpoke… which turns out to be a mistake when his Pokémon is revealed as a Dark Raticate, forcing a hasty switch to my Trumbeak.  From there, though, Rock Smash makes short work of it. “That loss was pathetic!  Your moves were so kinetic!” the grunt declares, stunned.  B grumbles something under his breath, then shakes his head and shouts at me. “We don’t need that Pokémon anyway!  Take it then! Good luck and good riddance!” Both of them flee the scene.  The Aether Foundation worker breathes a sigh of relief and leans down to pat the Slowpoke. “Phew… thanks, kid.  I could’ve been in real trouble there…” “Now, now,” her companion admonishes her, speaking for the first time, “stand firm! Think of what the president would say!” “That’s what you say, Chief!  But you don’t lift a finger!” “Why, I am the Aether Foundation’s last line of defence!”  I frown at this comment, carefully scrutinising for any signs of particular competence, but he doesn’t seem to notice.  “What would become of the Foundation if something were to happen to me now?”  He tut-tuts her, then turns to me.  “You are a trial-goer aren’t you?  You’re a splendid trainer!  I’m deeply impressed!  I’d like to reward you by showing you something truly astounding.  Once you have finished your Grand Trial, come to Hano Grand Resort and I will take you to see a wondrous place.”  I accept his invitation with a shrug.  Can’t be any worse than whatever the Kahunas and the Guardians will want me to do next.

I continue along the path to the Ruins of Life, past a truly spectacular cliff side and up towards the ruins’ great stone gate.  Someone is standing in the path… a young woman… but as I get close, it becomes obvious that it’s not Olivia.  She has waist-length pink and yellow hair, black clothes, and… an unmistakeable Team Skull necklace, as well as the Team Skull logo tattooed in pink on her bare midriff.  Looks like I’m starting to attract all the wrong kinds of attention from these guys. I briefly consider trying to avoid her, but she’s clearly seen me first, and looks like she was waiting for me. “So…” she says, confidently strolling up to me.  “You’re the one Gladion was talking about?  Hmph.  You don’t look like anything special to me.” “Well… looks can be deceiving, right?”  I try to flash a confident grin back, but there’s something a tad unsettling about her. “…uh… is this about the Slowpoke, or…?” She looks me sternly in the eye. “I’m Plumeria.  I help keep Team Skull together.  I’m like a big sister to all those numskulls.”  Her expression softens a little.  “Look… you have realised what idiots all these guys are, right?” she asks. “Um. I- I guess?” I reply.  Obviously I have, but I’m a little taken aback by her frankness. “But… don’t you think some of those dummies are cute in their dumbness?  You know what I mean… right?”  Plumeria gives me a strange look that is somehow equal parts conspiratorial, teasing… and deadly threatening. “Um. No.  No!  I have no idea what you’re talking about!  What are you even implying here?  Who said anyone was cute?  Not me, that’s for sure.”  Plumeria glares at me coldly. “Is that so, punk?  Well, I gotta tell you – you picking on my cute, dumb brothers and sisters is really annoying me!”  She grabs a Pokéball and summons a Golbat.  Oh, thank Arceus, a problem I know how to deal with!  My Dartrix is a real champ in this fight, thanks to the affection bonuses we’re starting to accumulate; he dodges a Confuse Ray and an Air Cutter, and shakes off some nasty poison, to secure a win against the Golbat, and seriously injure the Salandit that Plumeria sends out in its place. Salandit finishes my Dartrix with Flame Burst, but its own weak physical defences leave it easy prey for my Trumbeak. Plumeria recalls her Pokémon, steps back, and looks me over for a second.  Even though I just beat her, her gaze is… still kind of chilling. “Hmph. You’re pretty strong,” she says. “I’ll give you that.  But mess with anyone in Team Skull again… in any way… and I’ll show you how serious I can get.” Without waiting for a response, she spins around on her heel and stalks off. “I’m not messing with anyone anywhere!” I call out after her.  “It’s not like I have a… a… a stupid ‘thing’ for one of your dumb little brothers.  Uh.  Or sisters.  Could be a sister; you don’t know me; you don’t know my life.  I mean, it- it’s not, because it’s no one, but- but you don’t know!”  Plumeria is long gone by this point, of course, but that’s no reason to let her get the last word.

Finally, I reach the entrance to the Ruins of Life, with Lillie suddenly right behind me, escorted by Professor Burnet.  Lillie is apparently here at Nebby’s behest, and doesn’t know much more than that.  Before I can interrogate either of them, though, Kahuna Olivia emerges from the ruins. She apologises for her earlier absence by explaining that Tapu Lele had summoned her to help “clean up” the ruins (wait… so the Kahunas have to do household chores for the guardian deities?  Okay, maybe I’m not really getting the short end of the stick after all). With minimal preliminaries, Olivia accepts my challenge… and promptly wrecks my $#!t.

I never intended my current team to be in any sense permanent – Raticate’s going to go at some point, probably Trumbeak too once I’ve finished exploring its evolution, and I’m not 100% on Pikachu or Slowpoke either – but even so, I have to admit it was a slight oversight to have three Pokémon with Rock weaknesses and none with a Rock resistance.

My Dartrix takes out Olivia’s first Pokémon, a Nosepass, without immense difficulty (though, again, a few affection bonuses help to seal the deal).  Then… in comes her partner Pokémon, Lycanroc, a creepy-looking red-and-white werewolf Pokémon that I can only assume is the evolved form of Rockruff.  Its powerful Rock Throw attack immediately knocks out my Dartrix and my Salandit, then as soon as I try to bring its defences down with Trumbeak’s Rock Smash, Olivia unleashes its Z-move: Continental Crush, which as far as I can tell is a move that works by dropping Australia on you. My poor Slowpoke flinches under Lycanroc’s Bite and doesn’t even get a chance to hit back with Scald.  Finally, my Raticate manages to bring it down with Crunch.  Enduring what would have been a finishing blow from Olivia’s final Pokémon, a Boldore, Raticate manages to do just enough damage before fainting to bring it within striking distance for my last Pokémon, Pikachu, to finish it off. 

Phew.  Okay.  Lesson learned.  No more underestimating Rock-types.  Especially weird, gangly werewolf Rock-types.

…what, you didn’t think I was actually going to lose that one, did you?  Listen, “wrecks my $#!t” is very much a relative term here.  Sure, it looked bad for a little while but I’m a former Champion (in multiple regions, if you count my… past lives, or… whatever… look, I try not to think about it too hard), and Olivia is, like, the head shaman of some backwards middle-of-nowhere hick island who does chores for a bird.  Of course I beat her; I’m amazing.  Give me some credit here.

Olivia rewards me with her Z-crystal – the Rockium-Z (did the Alolans listen to these names at all while they were picking them…?) – and sends me packing just as Hau arrives for his own Grand Trial. Hau has apparently received the same invitation from the Aether Foundation as I did, and is eager to get his trial out of the way so we can go and have a look.  Lillie is decidedly less enthusiastic, presumably since she knows the Aether Foundation is hot on her trail, and makes a stammering excuse. Well, whatever.  Sooner or later, Lillie… you can’t run forever.

Ridiculous quote log:

“Yo! I’m a herb seller!  I’m self-taught, but I sell good quality herbs!” Why does everyone in this region try to get me to do f#$%ing drugs!?

“There’s a faint smell of spices, sauces, and other fragrant things…” …okay maybe this is the time to admit that I… kiiiiiiinda have a thing for smelling other people’s beds?  Uh, I- I mean, it’s totally not a sex thing, not even a little bit; just, uh… if I come across someone’s bed, I like to… give it a good long sniff before I move past it.  Lots of people do it, probably.  It helps me feel closer to- wait, damn it, no, that still sounds weird.  That is, uh… I mean, if they wanted to sniff my bed I would totally let them, and- okay that sounds even worse.  Can we… just forget I said anything?

The team: 

Tane the Dartrix Male, Timid nature, Overgrow ability Level 28 Tackle, Razor Leaf, Astonish, Pluck 

Rhea the Trumbeak Female, Lax nature, Keen Eye ability Level 27 Pluck, Roost, Fury Attack, Rock Smash 

Ashley the Pikachu Female, Timid nature, Static ability Level 27 Volt Tackle, Hidden Power (Ice), Nasty Plot, Thunder Wave 

Hypatia the Slowpoke Female, Hardy nature, Own Tempo ability Level 27 Confusion, Yawn, Headbutt, Scald 

Soot the Raticate Female, Hardy nature, Hustle ability Level 27 Crunch, Tail Whip, Hyper Fang, Focus Energy 

Joanna the Salandit Female, Timid nature, Corrosion ability Level 27 Flame Burst, Sweet Scent, Dragon Rage, Smog