#i swear my music taste is more varied than this but for some reason it really went with a specific genre 😂

[poisonghoulart]

✨🎵Music Meme Tag🎵✨

I got tagged by @luqlustra!

Tag Game Rules: Shuffle your on repeat playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then tag up to 10 people.

People - The Struts Walk in the Sun - Mcfly Jet Pack Blues - Fall Out Boy Hyper Music - Muse Beautiful Girls are the Loneliest - McBusted Holiday/Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day Sudden Desire - Hayley Williams Weight of the World - Evanescence Far too Young to Die - Panic! at the Disco One Foot Boy - Mika

✨Tagging:✨ I'm incredibly awkward about tagging people in things, so if you see this and wanna do it feel free!

[star2fishmeg]

The Quiet Personality Of Y/N

Pairing: Min Yoongi x f!reader

Summary: University au! The wall that divided the opposites finally crumbles at a house party, in Yoongi's bedroom, where both of them show their hidden personalities.

Warnings: 18+, smut, yoongi, swearing, drinking, mention of tits, switch!yoongi, switch!reader, vaginal sex, tit sucking, hickeys, praise kink, mild chain kink?, mention of the word 'slut'

Authors note: No idea what came over me to write this, slightly self indulgent but if you're reading this you love this man just as much as I do. Kinda slow paced I guess? Surprisingly the second smut I've ever written (shocking for my daily vulgar horniness), please be nice I'm learning😭 forgive me for I have sinned💀

Requested by: An irl. Han bbgirl I did it. _________________________________________

Everyone's seen or heard of the stories where the loud, jock falls for the quiet, studious girl. It's a cute trope, a good dynamic, an opening for change. There's various tales of it and how parents met despite the opposite demeanour but sometimes someone else has what you need or what you lack and that's why you get along.

Min Yoongi was your typical, compliant, quiet kid in the lectures. He rarely spoke, just turned up, scribbled notes and left without a trace. He preferred it to be that way, being on the side rather than up front and center like some of his crowd. Quiet environments were his escape, places such as music rooms where he could play piano peacefully or the production studios he could hide away and compose alone in. Parties or large gatherings were not his taste, in fact he actively avoided them, filling his schedule just so his friends couldn't drag him to one. The alcohol and drugs were never the problem, it was the people. The people at the university were varied, but one thing 90% had in common were the ragers held by Jung Hoseok (who seemed to know more people than he let on). But he didn't like crowds at all.

Then there was y/n. An almost polar opposite to Yoongi. Social and savvy with a strong sense of knowing what she wanted. She lit up the room, making almost anyone smile and feeling included with just a simple 'good morning'. However, she was noisy. Borderline always talking and very little note taking. Either way, you'd find her at Hoseok's ragers almost every time, mingling with her friends and his and involving in drinking games and the occasional smoke circle, he had a theory that she and Hoseok were dating but never labelled it, they were a match after all. Y/n enjoyed stimulating environments where there were people she could bounce off and listen to, not really being a fan of solitude or the quiet. Yet every term she always sat next to him.

______

Y/n threw herself into the same seat she always sat in, second seat from the wall, middle of the rows, exchanging a grin with Yoongi that made the corners of her eyes wrinkle. He gave a small smile back, feeling his voice drop entirely down his throat, god she made him so nervous. Why she always sat there and not in the middle with her friends was a forever mystery to him, why would someone who enjoyed being in the center of people avoid the spotlight? Don't get him wrong, he didn't exactly hate her grumbling, witty combacks and the occasional chain of swearing across the room to someone - she was the one noise he actually found consitency in - but he couldn't wrap his head around the obscurity of his presence being wanted.

"Yoongs! My beloved! How was your weekend?" Beloved. He loved that. She'd called him that since the beginning, the reason - as he could only assume - that she either gave everyone a nickname or she was teasing him. Her voice was naturally brazen as she turned to face him, smooshing her cheek in her palm on the desk. Too lively for a Monday morning.

He nodded, licking his lips, "Fine, thank you. Yours?" Her lips remained upturned in a grin, pulling a notebook and pen from her bag.

"Hobi held this awesome party for the freshers, as you probably know. Anyway, I've officially gained a son, his name's Jungkook and he's studying the arts but he's also super athletic!" She babbled, taking a deep breath at the end of her sentence.

"Sounds like you had fun. I'm surprised you turned up today." He cringed at how shaky his voice came out, how embarrassing for him. He just wanted the world to swallow him whole.

"Cheeky~" she gently slapped his shoulder, "Oh! You play basketball, don't you? You and JK should totally play! I'll watch!" Yoongi's mouth dropped. He told her about basketball in the first year, the fact she remembered such a small detail about him flushed his cheeks and ears pink. Giggling at the sight, y/n's fingers gently closed his jaw, eyes glossing over his pouty lips, "I'm full of surprises, aren't I? You know Yoongs, you're not as invisible as you think." Before he could reply the professor cleared his throat, indicating that the lecture were to begin, much to her dismay.

With the lecture closing, Yoongi felt a tug on his hoodie before he could disappear. Looking down, y/n's eyes, wide like a doe, softly gazed into his. How nerve wrecking. He so badly wanted to look away but the personality that shamelessly shone through was intoxicating.

"Uh, before you leave, Hobi's hosting another party this Friday. Just wanted to let you know so it wouldn't be a shock when you'd get home," his stomach flipped at how well she knew him despite him saying little about himself, "But if you came, I'd like that a lot." And with a smile she let him awkwardly power-walk away. That's right, sometimes he forgot his housemate was Hobi. A small part of him wondered if he'd enjoy these ragers if Hoseok wasn't always hosting them in his home, it always left him cleaning up the morning after. Or would he knew more people invited.

______

Min Yoongi was not thriving. In fact, all he had done was politely greeted people half the night. His house was stuffy, disco lights flashing way too fast, bodies dancing around him while he sat on his sofa, cup of whiskey in hand, pushing drunk make-outs away from his bubble. It was like he was somewhere between reality and his own thoughts, tuning out the bustling noise to a silence but seeing everything that moved around him. He scoffed at Jimin attempt to pour himself a drink while the liquid itself missed the cup entirely, caught second hand embarrassment witnessing Taehyung spill a shot down his shirt trying to impress a couple girls and told himself to remember watching the Choi San and Jackson Wang (because he apparently never missed a party) get beer thrown over them while trying to chat up girls while their boyfriends stood behind them. He didn't even want to imagine what Hobi was up to, or which surface he was dancing on, or who he was doing body shots with. The whole experience was just unpleasant.

Well, not entirely. From where Yoongi sat, he had the crystalline view of y/n face grinning conventionally. Hips dangerously swaying, laughs erupting with more rhythm than the music itself - he began to sweat through his white t-shirt. Those doe eyes were long gone, replaced with a coy siren gaze that had him in a chokehold. The clear view of her outfit did her a lot of justice, as if she'd purposefully chosen it to toy with his heartstrings. He threw his head back against the cushions, closing his eyes and exhaling deeply. He couldn't get hard here, not now not until everyone had left and Hobi was knocked out. When he'd pulled himself together and lifted his head, his efforts went to waste upon facing the few of her cleavage directly. Y/n was bent to his eye level, hands on her knees to excentuate the already existing rack she owned. He felt guilty for shamelessly looking, but instead of giving him one hell of a beating, she slowly slid onto his lap, tracing her nails up his bicep.

"M'sorry. Your lap looked so inviting and I couldn't help notice you looking at me. Everything okay, Yoongs?" That fucking honey-dosed tone made him feel like a hormonal teenage boy all over again.

"Uh, yeah. Just...need some air I guess."

"Let's go," She stood up, intertwining her fingers with his and leading through the living room and up the stairs (which was a restricted zone at these parties).

______

"W-why are we in my room? I should've cleaned, oh god-" Yoongi dropped her hand, frantically gathering clothes from the floor and throwing them on his desk chair. Y/n however giggled and layed herself on his bed, facing the ceiling and sighing in relief.

"Well, you're sick of the party, I'm sick of the party, why not hang out quietly together? We're not strangers after all. Besides, I'd rather be here." He blinked mid-tidying. That was something he never thought he'd hear, but yet he thought he fell more in love than he already was. Dropping the clothes entirely, he slipped his shoes off, gently pulling her's off too before plopping himself next to her.

"I never thought I'd hear that," His muscles relaxed, the nerves fading for the first time but that could have been due to earlier's whiskey. "I would've thought you and Hobi would be necking it on or something."

"Ha! Nah. He's a good friend and all, super sweet but there's no feelings for him. I do like parties, but only the first three to four hours before I get tired and fed up."

"Then why didn't you go home? I could've driven you." He rolled onto his side to face her. Even in the dark she was pretty, and those eyes from earlier had softened. She faced him in return, noticing how drained and suken his eyes had become again, like they did at every party. The silence embracing them comfortable with only a hum from the noise below.

"I didn't want to bother anyone and ruin their night. I stick it out to make Hobi happy, to be honest. Sometimes clean before you wake up. Sometimes wish I had just stayed at home making bracelets or something." She smiled. So even while tired and miserable, she was the reason why his cleaning was minimised? He always wondered who had done the majority while he slipped away. He felt bad that she did that but at the same time his heart pounded at their closeness.

"You didn't have to clean. And next time you miss a party please invite me, this is the best part of tonight." He paused for a second, a surge of adrenaline rushing through him, "You know what, we should hang out more. You're always noisy during the day and always mingling but I'm enjoying this quiet side of you equally."

"Hold on," y/n abruptly sat up, Yoongi rolling onto his back, biting his lip in fear of saying something wrong, "you actually enjoy my company? I always thought you hated me because I was so loud, I've been sitting with you because I wanted to learn to pipe down so you'd like me."

He nodded, lips tugging into a small smile, clammy hand covering his eyes so he didn't have to look at her after what he was to admit, "I-agh, I like everything about you. You have your own quiet personality but I like the dynamic of us. Fuck, you make me so nervous but if you didn't then I wouldn't be here, fighting back a boner because your whole personality is just so attractive and I never wanted to seem weird or a dick." She just stared at him after that, not judging but thinking hard. He looked so pretty, laying there a nervous mess, covering his face with that devilish pout of his, shirt ridden up his torso so the band of his boxers poked from the top of his jeans.

"Don't fight it anymore, got it?" The weight on his dick brought him to his senses again, uncovering his face to see her small hands gently rise under his shirt while grinding up and down his lap sensually. Unconsciously, his hands gripped her thighs, they felt as soft as he had imagined many times before. His breath hitched upon her thumbs glaze over his nipples before sliding back down to his belt. Licking his lips and sitting up, he pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it somewhere before taking her jaw into his palm and finally fusing his lips roughly with hers. Pulling back harshly, his hands removed her top, fumbled with the hook of her bra until they were pressed half naked, chest to chest with sloppy kisses moving together at their own rhythm. Y/n's moaned deeply at the feeling of his rough hands glide over her curves, unbuttoning her bottoms while Yoongi groaned impatiently at his belt being unbuckled with haste.

By the time he'd shimmied his jeans off, pre-cum had already stained his boxers. Cut him some slack, it had been a while since he'd fucked anyone, let alone someone he'd been heads-over-heels for, let alone this person grinding on his cock like she'd been doing it do him for years, knowing exactly how he liked it. He wanted to cover his face again, praying she hadn't noticed the embarrassment from feeling so good so soon. But instead she feathered hot kisses down his neck, nipping and sucking to create a masterpiece of splotchy art over his skin. His hands gripped her hips, tight enough to leave bruises, and flipped y/n onto her back, bottoms joining his on the floor. The way she was grinning was foreign, it wasn't her usual cheerful grin, but a grin laced in mischief - he was entirely wrapped around her pinkie finger and he was not complaining about that. Trailing wet kisses from her neck to her breasts, his lips wrapped themselves around her tit, tongue sucking the bud swollen without desperation.

"Yoongi~" she moaned shamelessly, throwing her head back into his pillows, fingers tugging the hair on the back of his head, earning a gravelly moan reverberate from his throat.

He moved to the other tit, harshly sucking this time as his boxers became tighter and his hand kneading the - now - sopping tit he'd just finished with. He'd never imagined this would be the outcome of a party. He should've attended more if he knew he'd be living a wet dream he'd constantly cum himself over.

"Yoongi..." She panted, "need you...you in me. Tell me what you're gonna do."

Finally finished with her tit, a string of saliva connecting his lips and her swollen nipple, his eyes raked over the body under him. "M'gonna fuck you like I've imagined." He rasped, lips ghosting over hers while his cock started grinding over her clothed clit. Seeing her in just her panties drove him insane, sweat beads falling down his temples.

"Oh yeah? Imagined me naked, huh?"

"Fucked you stupid and hard, screaming my name until you- oh y/n~, couldn't talk or walk."

"Fuck me, Yoongi!" Underwear discarded swiftly, he ripped open a condom from his bedside table, aligning himself while her hands gripped his biceps. He didn't start thrusting immediately, the feeling of her stretching around his cock was euphoric enough, head dropping into her shoulder.

"You fit me so well, please, fuck-" and he did. Slowly rolling his hips into hers, marking her neck with purple bruises in any place he could while her voice became his favourite melody, Yoongi's cock twitched like a little virgin boy. Or maybe he was, it didn't matter either way, he was finally topping the girl with the loudest voice in the house, making her scream, with his pulsing cock. Though, he was still a man, and would still brag to Hobi about it later, presenting the claw marks across his skin as y/n's hands snaked from his arms to his back, oh his back. So pretty when flexed, so broad and secure. Scratching it while he picked up pace, pounding into her pussy was like marking her territory.

"Harder," She moaned, and him being an obedient little slut for her snapped his hips against her's, throwing her leg over his shoulder and rutting deeper. Thankfully the music downstairs was loud enough to cover the slapping of balls against arse because damn, Yoongi had never done any activity this loud before, or aggressively for that matter. His grunts and groans only encouraged her fingers to slide to his hair, gently tugging until their lips met again for a sloppy kiss.

Yoongi pulled back for breath, "It's cute how you're so - ugh - loud all the time, but I'm fucking you speechless" He cooed, thrusting more aggressively.

"Baby, fuck-" she screamed, gripping his hair harder, clawing his back deeper. He nipped at her earlobe, planting wet kisses at the shell and leaving melodies of his own groans everytime his pelvis made contact with hers. Yoongi's mouth reconnected with her neck, biting and sucking harshly with the overbearing thought of his name being claimed responsible if anyone were to ask who gave them to her.

"Good girl, let em hear who's fucking you, Princess." Slowing his pace, he dragged out his thrusting just to feel her pussy clench around his cock again. He engulfed her lips again, slower this time, his lower stomach warming.

"Yoongs..I'm gonna," She whimpered, barely having the strength to contain the feeling of desperation to finish. The view of his chain swinging in rhythm to his thrusting went straight to her pussy, causing a moan to rip through her.

"Together, Princess. Me too." Yoongi panted. With one last snap of his hips, sticky cum dripped down her thighs, ringing at the base of his cock as exasperations of pleasure tuned the music out entirely. Collapsing onto her, he didn't pull out just yet, he couldn't bring himself to rid of the feeling too quickly. Y/n wrapped her arms around his back, placing a warm kiss on his head and holding him tight.

"That," She panted, "was so hot."

Pushing himself onto his elbows, Yoongi finally pulled out, tying the condom and throwing in his bathroom bin, taking a towel to clean y/n up. The bed dipped again when he returned, pulling y/n into his chest, rubbing circles on her back.

"Is it okay to say that I love you?"

"Yoongi, my beloved, I love you too. How good is your tongue?" And brave ol' y/n was back, smirking while playing with his chain.

"How are you still horny?"

_________________________________________

Bonus!

Hobi woke with an excruciating headache. Sambuca with Jackson wasn't his best idea, especially with Jimin's champagne fountain (a shitshow really). Anyway, bin bag in one hand, he weakly threw empty cups away and shuffled his way into the kitchen to find the bottles. Shortly after, Yoongi padded in, basketball shorts hung around his hips as if he'd quickly thrown them on.

"Morning man," Yoongi grumbled, pulling two mugs from the cupboard.

"Morning dude-," Hobi turned around but took a double take at the red scratches down his paler back and the dark hickeys that decorated his neck, "Woah Yoon, who's the chick? Is she still here? Was it good?"

"Ssshhh!," Yoongi gave Hoseok's arm a jab before leaning against the counter. He paused for a bit, ruffling his hair (as if it didn't already look fucked out), "...it's y/n. And yes she's asleep in my bed as we speak and it was amazing. In fact, we did three rounds because I know you'll ask."

"Y/n!? No way my guy! She's been into you for the longest time! I've gotta congratulate her." Yoongi blinked at his sudden chipper mood, he really should pay more attention at social gatherings because how the hell did everyone know about her crush but him? "Yoongi, my man," Hobi slung his arm over his shoulder, "the guys are gonna be so jealous, no-ones woken up with that level of marking before."

"Yeah well behave, she's still a person and I love her so respect her."

[hops-hunny]

Hello?

Pairing: Neville Longbottom x Black!Reader

Word Count: 2.9k

Request: N/A

Summary: Neville and (Y/n) get high together often.

Warnings: drugs( weed lmao), swearing, making out

A/N: This was based on the specific lyric below from Hello? by Clairo ft Reji Snow. Pothead confident Neville is my favorite headcanon dfregfefe. I also felt like writing for Neville bc after reading a lot of @lxngbottom​‘s fics I was DEEPLY inspired.

“Are you into me, like I'm into you?

Do you wanna do the things I wanna do with you?

You're so close, and yet so far

I wonder how you look when you're in the dark”

The Weasley siblings all found themselves in absolute bliss when their parents told them they were going on a getaway. Apparently Arthur had learned about muggle spas and thought it’d be a lovely idea to take his wife to one for a much needed vacation after many years she had been caring for her children (and sometimes their guess) without barely any breaks. The gaggle of gingers all found it to be quite a wonderful idea too, but for other reasons. Although they had varying reasons of why they were excited for their parents to leave the house, Ron’s being wanting to invite over the other ⅔ members of the Golden Trio, Ginny wanting to wear that skirt that her mum always told her was ‘just a tad too short, dear’, and lastly Fred & George wanting to try out new and exciting inventions there was that one thing that tied them all together: wanting to get blazed out of their fucking minds. 

However, as quickly as that mischievous glint formed in all their eyes, their mother said something they all dreaded.

“Oh and by the way, we’re leaving Percy in charge!”

A collective groan was shared as the boy in question held a proud and cocky smirk that once again, he was the most trusted out of his siblings. However as per usual, Fred and George were not giving up that easily.

“What are we going to do?! You know Percy will rat on us!” Ron whispered yelled at the other three through gritted teeth. They all sat around the quaint little living room, distressed at what to do. Ron had already sent a text (is that what they were called? He wasn’t used to the muggle technology (Y/n) had got them all to use) to both Hermione and Harry telling them to pack their bags. He’d never live it down!

“Oh relax dear brother of mine! Me and Freddie here suspected something like this would happen so we came prepared. Right Fred?” George said with a smirk as he looked to his twin to the right of him. George nodded before pulling out an envelope.

“Exhibit A also known as ‘Blackmail dear Percival Into Leaving the House for the Summer.” he grin grew wider as he opened the envelope pulling out the photos. In the photos, Percy was shirtless during a party in the gryffindor common room. He had a half drunk bottle of fire whiskey in one hand and a blunt in his other which was held to his lips. “Wouldn’t it be a shame if dear ol’ mum and pop anonymously got pictures of their golden boy doing such awful acts?” he cooed, feigning a voice of disappointment.

“While you two idiots may not be helpful for jack shit else, leave it up to you to have a plan to get into trouble.” Ginny said rolling her eyes, a small smile forming on her face. “Well I guess that’s settled then. I’ll hit up (Y/n), Ron you hit up Nev and tell him to bring the loud. Lots of it too!”

-------------------------------------

That’s how they all ended up where they are currently. ‘Exhibit A’ was more than enough to get Percy packing his bags and leaving for a friends house after their parents had left. And of course, Hermione, Harry, (Y/n), and Neville had all shown up at the Burrow bright and as happy as ever. 

Although many people dealt around Hogwarts, Neville’s weed was always the best. He grew custom strains which were infused with other magical plants that had all sorts of properties. You wanted it to taste and smell like cheesecake? Done. Something odorless that packed a mean punch? Also done. He took good care of his product and went through the precautions to make sure it was not only safe but also that he didn’t get caught. He wasn’t always an avid weed smoker though. Originally, a friend had suggested it to him to help with his anxiety which had increased over the years but eventually it became less of an anxiety reducer and more of a favorite pastime. And hell, it left him with a pretty fucking nice amount of galleons in his pocket. It was also how he had met her.

He looked up at her form as she sat across the shed, looking as radiant as ever. She was laughing at something but he didn't know what over the sound of the music. One of his favorite things about her was how beautiful the whiteness of her smile was in comparison to her rich brown skin. It drove him absolutely nuts. It had only been a few weeks since he last saw her but as usual there was something new about her appearance.

He let his eyes wander over the work of art that was (Y/n). Her hair was different, her usual shoulder length black box braids had been swapped our for a beautiful set of honey blonde faux locs that stopped at her waist. In addition to her septum, she now had a nose ring on the left side of her nose and- was that a smiley piercing? Her skin was glowing vibrantly under the different hues of gold of LED lights that corresponded with the music. His eyes shifted down to her chest. 'Hm, she finally got the other one pierced' he noted due to the fact that her crochet bikini top left only the best bits of her breast to the imagination. And then he got to his favorite part. Her legs. Her supple, plush, smooth as glass legs. This wasn’t the first time he had stared at them longer than needed. He couldn’t help it, they were so fucking thick. And, were those his shorts? She must've stolen them from him last smoke sesh. He didn't mind though, she pulled off those denim shorts well and they hugged her in all the right fucking places.

“Bloody hell Nev, what’s taking you so long to roll the joint? Are you already that gone?” Ron groaned as he threw his head back. Neville looked down at the half rolled blunt in his hands, continuing to lick and roll it skillfully.

“Shut up Ron, just hit the fucking bong and leave Neville alone. Ol’ dramatic ass.” there was that honeysuckle voice he loved. God he could listen to her talk for fucking hours. I mean he had before. Her voice was sweet in the center and rough around the edges, a thick american accent still prominent in her voice. He smiled at that, looking up at her to find her already looking at him. As he continued to roll, he licked a fat strip on the wrap before shooting her a wink. 

“Thank you, petal.” he murmured quietly knowing she hadn’t heard as he looked back down at his hands finishing up. He grabbed the same lighter that he carried with him everywhere before lighting the end. As he was about to take a hit, a certain pair of gloss coated lips leaned over his shoulders taking a hit as she wrapped her arms around his upper half. 

Ron groaned again in irritation. “I hate it when you get the first hit! You always leave that damn sticky shit all over the blunt.” as he glared at the girl. She giggled before crawling off the wraparound couch taking her place next to brunette ruffling his long shaggy hair. He had been growing it out recently for no particular reason (definitely not the girl to his right).

“Ron you always buggin on something, nigga shut the fuck up! That’s why when you hit the blunt you leave it wet. Ol’ soppy mouth nigga I swear to god. Share with Mione.” she retorted as she leaned into Neville’s side looking up at him. He smiled down at her before wrapping his arm around her bringing her impossibly close. They both loved each other's touch when they were high. Whenever he’d touch her in one spot, (Y/n) always felt it in another- especially between her legs. She leaned up, kissing his freckled cheek with a smile. “Hey sir, how’s my favorite doing today?” she questioned as he bent down, placing a kiss right below her ear. 

“You know I’m always content when you’re next to me, flower. You don’t even have to question it.” he whispered in her ear before pulling back. She felt her face heat up as she rolled her eyes shoving him lightly. She crawled in his lap, straddling him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He instinctively moved one to her waist, stroking the smooth exposed sepia skin that was there for his enjoyment.

“You always talking some mess, Nev. Why don’t you do something bout it?” she said, motioning for him to hold the blunt up to her lips. He ignored her, looking into her eyes as he took a fat rip. He removed his hand from her waist, gripping her cheeks with it, rings digging into her skin. He leaned impossibly close as he shot gunned the smoke into her mouth. His lips hovered impossibly close to hers. ‘Finally’ she found herself thinking as she closed her eyes. However, the feeling of his soft pink lips never hit hers and she opened her eyes to find him smirking at her.

“And ruin this little game we have? Never.” He said, finally passing the blunt to her. If he had to be honest with himself, he was scared shitless. He was afraid if he actually did make that final move, jumped that final obstacle that she would be gone from his life. Sure, they made out all the time. It was normal for the two of them to get quite handsy with each other during smoke sessions but he found not even that being enough. He didn’t just wanna have his hands on her when he was high or wasted out of his fucking mind, he wanted her all the time. He wanted to sneak into each other's dorms and cuddle till wee hours of the morning. To carry her things to class for her. He wanted to live, breathe, and sleep (Y/n). But, is that what she wanted? He never knew. 

She sighed softly to herself, contemplating. It was very apparent to her that Neville wanted her just as badly as he wanted her. So, why had he never jumped the gun? Did he not want more? Was he really content with this little cat and mouse game they had? He couldn’t be, she knew who he was at heart which was a romantic just as she was. She was pulled from her thoughts as she heard the familiar beat of Hello? by Clairo ft Reji Snow. She smirked at him, leaning her forehead against his as she began to grind softly on his lap.

“Are you into me? Like I’m into you. Do you wanna do the things I wanna do with you?” she sung to him softly, her (e/c) eyes meeting his hazel ones. He moved his hands up and down her body as she continued to grind her hips down on his. He let his hands travel to her ass, gripping it firmly. She leaned back slightly as she hit the blunt before returning the favor he had earlier. “You’re so close, and yet so far. I wonder how you look when you’re in the dark.” (Y/n)  continued singing as kissed up his neck, nibbling at the junction of his jaw and neck. He took one of the hands from her ass, moving some of the locs that had fallen into her face. He quickly tossed the blunt out of her hand into the ashtray in the table in front of them before leaning in and kissing her with such strong intensity.

The honey blonde haired girl moaned softly, already putty in the boy’s hands. Neville always knew exactly what to do with his hands. Where to kiss, where to tug, where to bite. Anything but actually dealing with the problem between her legs. She tangled her hands into the back of his hair, matching his lip movement. As he continued holding her ass with one hand, he used his other to stroke her cheek gently. A stark contrast to the kiss they were in which was wet, rough, and fast. He trailed his tongue over her lip which she gladly accepted. Their tongues danced together lazily as sweat began to build up on both of them. She pulled away partly, a trail of spit connecting them.

“Take this dumb ass jacket off. It’s the middle of July.” She grumbled as she began to unzip it, leaving him in some muggle band shirt she had gotten him one year from the states. She leaned back in, continuing to move her hips to the beat of the song. Neville began to move his hips up to match her movements. “Oh? So you got moves now huh? Who taught you those?”

“Don’t play dumb petal, you know you did.” He responded before gripping at her neck with his ringed hand. She gasped softly, looking into his blood shot blown out eyes. The music, the lighting, his touch? It was all much too much to handle. Her senses were overloaded by pleasure, the jane in her system. He tightened his hand some, leaning in closer. “You’re driving me absolutely mad, darling. Do you know that? I’d do anything you asked me to.” the movement of her hips had stilled but he kept going. She could feel the imprint of his member through his pants. Suddenly it was the only thing (Y/n) could focus on.

“Them Ravenclaw girls weren’t lying then, huh? You packin like that Nev?” she said suddenly. She knew he had asked her something a second ago, but the weed was really starting to hit. Her brain was foggy and hazed, the only thing she could think about now was him. She took one of her manicured hands, trailing it down his shirt till she reached his crotch. She gripped it in her hands, eyes widening slightly. He chuckled softly, catching her attention.

“Don’t act so surprised. You know I used to get around quite a bit.” He said, moving so his tent was resting against her inner thigh.

“Used to?” she questioned, laying her head on his shoulder with her eyes closed. She took in his scent sighing softly. Neville always smelled like a mix of lavenders, cologne, and that loud. She knew it from anywhere, especially when she smelled it in the amortentia they brewed during potions that one time.

“Yeah I don’t really pipe girls like I used to.” He moved his hands up, embracing her close as he kissed the top of her head. “Ever since a certain pesky little American girl started making their way into my life, she’s all I could think about.” she rolled her eyes some, punching him on the arm as he began to laugh.

“Don’t fuck around like that, that shit aint even funny.” she grumbled, pouting as she crossed her arms. “I thought you had an actual answer!”

“On god that was my actual answer, (Y/n)! You asked why and I told you why. Absolutely anyone could tell I’m mad for you.” Neville said as he uncrossed her arms, holding her small delicate hands in his large ones. He intertwined their hands, her sharp acrylic nails digging into his hands slightly. “Did you know when Keaton Willis asked you to Hogsmeade, I was so mad that I wouldn’t sell to him for 3 months?!”

“But I didn’t even go with him! Me and you went together to go get ice cream, remember?”

“So?! He still fucking asked you. I’m getting heated just thinkin’ about it.” He mumbled as he looked away from her. He pulled her closer, resting his head on the top of hers. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you dating such a loser. He’s not even a good guy and he’s always fucking short with his galleons when he buys. I have to practically hound the guy for my money. Yknow what? Fuck it.” he looked up at the brown skinned girl before holding her face in both his hands. He took in her features. Her plump lips, edges laid to perfection, face ‘beat to the gods’ as she would say. “Go out with me. Be my girl, petal. I can’t bear you not being mine for another second.” he said. She pretended to ponder for a bit before she looked back at him.

“Depends, will I get free weed? I expect free weed from dating the weed man, you know.” she said with a giggle. He rolled his eyes shaking his head.

“You already get free weed! Don’t pretend you don’t.” he said loudly, catching the others’ attention.

“What? Nev that’s not fair! You always make me pay and we’re mates! What happened to bros befo-”

“Ron you finish that and you ain’t leavin this shed with an eye, I can promise you that boy.” she whipped her head around quickly, glaring at the boy. Ron quickly shut his mouth knowing first hand that her promises were never empty. He gulped slightly before nodding, turning back to Hermione who handed him the bong muttering something about how he looked like he needed it.

“But to answer your question, Nev baby, I’d love to be your girl. Nothing would bring me greater pleasure than doing so.” (Y/n) leaned forward, leaving a lip gloss print on his cheek. 

“Well I’m glad you said yes because it would’ve been very awkward explaining to everyone tomorrow where that hickey on your neck came from.”

“Nev!”

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Prove Me Wrong

Summary: She can trust you, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

Warning: 18+ Mental Health, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Violence, Smut

Chapter 10

* * * * * * 

Eyebrows shoot up into your hairline. E/c eyes blinking in surprise.

Across from you stands the entire team, in front of them is a large breakfast spread, and balloons. 

You smile with a shake of your head,“ what is all this for?” 

Tony smiles, rounding the corner to stand at your side. His arm circles your shoulder,“ as of today, you have officially been with us for a year.”

“Awe, guys this really didn’t have to be celebrated.” You tell them, once again looking at all the food on the counter. 

All of them instantly wave you off a layer of replies rolling over you varying from “you deserve it” to “Tony just wants to party” which makes you laugh. 

Said billionaire picks up two champagne flutes and hands one to you. 

“Y/n, this is to a year of being the greatest of friends, a shoulder to cry on, and pretty much the most important member of this team.” Tony holds his glass up and everyone follows in agreement.

Most important member is a stretch in your opinion but they all seem to think so. 

Taking a sip, you realize this orange juice is mixed with champagne. Which you should’ve expected from Tony. 

Everyone starts to dig into the breakfast, chatter filling the room like it usually does throughout the facility. 

“Y/n, congrats!” Peter exclaims, happily wrapping you in a hug that you return.“ I can’t believe it’s been a year. It’s like just yesterday I was learning your name right? And now we’re like best friends.” The boy rambles.

Chuckling, you give him another one armed hug,“ I was starting to see you as more of a little brother actually.”

His brown eyes light up, just like they had on Christmas.“ I’ve never had an older sister before.” 

“I know.” You chuckle again.

He smiles brightly once again and gives you another hug,“ I’m glad we met Y/n.” 

“Me too Pete.” You rub his back and then pull away. The both of you then going to fix a plate.

Setting your overflowing plate(thanks to Tony’s persistence) on the table, you move to pull your chair out, only for a certain redhead to pull it out for you. 

“One full year huh?” She winks at you and sits in the chair next to you. 

One year with the team and six months with her. 

All that time seemed to fly by in the moment but looking back on it now it’s like more than a year. A year of building these incredible friendships and the most important relationship you’ve had. 

“Crazy right.” You breathe a laugh.

Natasha leans towards you, arms supporting her on the table,“ call me corny but, this has been the best year of my life.” 

Your hand reaches up to cup her cheek,“ I couldn’t agree more,” the two of you meet for a short sweet kiss,“ also you are corny.” 

Laughing, the woman rolls her eyes and kisses you again. 

“As cute as you two are, I’d rather eat my food without all the PDA.” Wanda’s voice invades the small moment. 

“Sorry Wan.” You smile softly at her.

The younger woman waves you off,“ I was only joking. Partly.” 

When the rest of the team sits at the table, you take a moment to thank all of them. Not just for the breakfast but for being so welcoming and just incredible in general. 

All the relationships you’ve built wouldn’t have happened without them. And you wouldn’t have been able to help them if they didn’t trust you. 

They raise another glass to your thanks and Tony tells you it’s only the tip of the iceberg since he’s throwing you a party later. You’re quick to tell him that’s not necessary but he informs you it’s all planned already. 

There hadn’t been a “Stark Party” in a while according to the team. Sam and Peter were quick to thank you, saying they didn’t think there’d be one if you hadn’t showed up. 

You hadn’t been to one of Tony’s parties in years. Since long before both snaps. 

So you are, admittedly, excited for it. After you’ve gotten dressed you wait an hour after the party had started, as Tony asked you to, before heading out. And even though you were expecting the surprise, the number of people that shout “Happy One Year!’ to you startles you.

An excited laugh leaves your lips and once again Tony approaches you first. 

“Okay,” you nod,“ I’ll admit this is pretty great.” You smile at him as the two of you hug. Pulling away you then look to his wife.“ Pep, it’s great to see you.” 

She squeezes you tightly,“ I hate that you’ve been here a year and we’ve barely spent any time together.” 

Your eyes widen in agreement,“ I know. It’s been way too long since we’ve had a wine night.” 

Together the two of you quickly plan a night to do so. Pepper then urging you to go mingle. And you do, making your way through the large crowd of people, those you’ve met and others you’re positive you’ve never seen before. 

Until you approach a pair of both someone you know and someone you’ve only heard of.

“Y/nn!” 

A smile bursts across your face the second she smiles at you. The blonde woman’s energy contagious. 

“Carol! I missed you.” You hug her close, reminded of the months it’s been since she was last here.“ You didn’t have to travel all the way through the galaxy for this but I’m glad you’re here.” 

Her hands rub your arms as she pulls away,“ me too. I’ve missed you.” She then steps back, hand resting on the back of the woman you assume to be her girlfriend,“ Y/n this is Maria Rambeau. Maria this is Y/n.”

Maria smiles at you, holding her hand out,“ Carol’s told me a lot about you, it’s a pleasure.” 

“Oh, the pleasure is all mine. This one doesn’t shut up about you when we talk.” You say teasingly, chin nodding to Carol who’s cheeks tint pink. 

The smile Maria sends to Carol is full of nothing but love and adoration. And if there was ever any doubt that Carol loved her, the smile she returns throws it out the window. But you knew.

Your body stiffens in shock when a hand presses to your lower back and you quickly relax once the familiarity of the soft skin and cold temperature hits you.   

Your girlfriend smiles over at you and you don’t even fight the urge to place a kiss to her cheek. Afterwards looking back at Carol and Maria.“ Maria this is my girlfriend Natasha. Tash this is Maria, Carol’s girlfriend.” 

“Nice to meet you. Carol’s told me a bit about you.” Natasha nods to the woman.

All the while Carol is smiling proudly at you, which you shake your head at in amusement. 

The blonde quirks a brow,“ girlfriend huh? And how long has that been going on?” Her tone is teasing and curious. 

Brushing a strand of hair behind your ear, you mumble,“ six months.” 

Carol’s proud smile becomes knowing and you swear the heat rushing to your face could be felt around the room. 

Natasha, being the god send she is, excuses the two of you. Gracefully pulling you through the crowd to the designated dance floor. 

She pulls you to stand in front of her. Those cold hands circling your waist, hands locking behind you at the dip in your back. 

Focusing on this moment, your eyes scan her face, taking in her perfect lips, her cheekbones and those tiny dimples, and those eyes. God you swear those eyes were the start of it all. 

“You’re so pretty Natasha.” Your hands grip her hips a little tighter.

A smirk curves her lips,“ and you’re beautiful.” 

Despite your blush, you jokingly add,“ well you’re gorgeous.” 

She laughs, forehead resting on your shoulder,“ getting competitive are we?”

“Maybe a little.” You kiss her temple just before she lifts her head.

The two of you continue to sway to the lowly playing soft music, completely entranced by each other’s presence. 

For the last six months the two of you have reveled in these moments together. Some days you could spend together completely. Others you had to steal minutes throughout just to see each other. But it was all perfect.

Learning about Natasha has just proven to make you fall for her more and more. You could safely say your list of reasons why you like her has become reasons why you love her and it’s definitely grown longer.

As all good things come to an end, you’re pulled from your moment with Natasha, by the hand on your shoulder. It’s unexpected which startles you but you’re further startled by the force of the emotions hitting you.

You spin around and lock eyes with Bucky. The anxiety you’d just felt from him is hidden in his eyes, had he not touched you, you wouldn’t have known. 

His jaw clenches,“ can we talk?”

“Of course.” You nod, hand squeezing Natasha’s waist as you mumble an excuse me, and walk away with Bucky. 

Once in an empty hallway he turns to you, his feelings now showing. Fingers wringing together, his teeth abuse his bottom lip, and his eyes remained trained on the ground. 

Knowing not to touch him unless told to, you choose to speak softly,“ Buck, I can tell you’re incredibly anxious. What’s going on?” 

“I-” he swallows and when his eyes meet yours there are tears welling in them,“ I saw someone. Someone from HYDRA. I- I don’t know if I’m seeing things or if they were actually here.” 

This was a recurring problem with Bucky. One you’d discovered while taking him and Steve to the mall one day. Being in such large crowds overwhelmed the man, triggering his anxiety which in turn triggered hallucinations. 

When you addressed it then he revealed that he’d been experiencing these highly anxious moments for a while. The first time the hallucinations had him was months before you’d gotten there while he and Steve were out together. 

At that point you’d begun working him through breathing exercises. Coming up with ways to help him cope with the anxiety so that it wouldn’t reach a point where he hallucinated. 

“Bucky breathe. Five seconds in and out.” He starts to do as instructed. 

You then walk him through his five steps. Listing five things he can see, four things he can hear, three things he can feel, two things he can smell, and one thing he can taste. 

He’s calmed down but you can tell he’s still anxious.

“Hey,” your hands rub his arms,“ I’m gonna make it go away okay?” 

Brown eyes look into yours and he nods. 

Taking a deep, stilling breath in, you take away his major anxiousness, and project the happy excitement you’ve been feeling to him. 

Bucky brightens instantly, giving you a small smile, and squeezing your arms.“ I- thank you Y/n.” 

“Anytime Buck.” 

You wait for the man to disappear around the corner before collapsing to the ground. Your back presses to the wall as you breathe heavily. 

“Y/n?”

Overly anxious, you involuntarily jerk away from the redhead beside you. 

The woman’s heart races as she looks at you, eyebrows pinched together,“ Y/n what’s wrong?” 

“Just- hold on.” You speak through deep breaths. 

Natasha waits with you until you calm down. When your body finally untenses and you sag against the wall, your girlfriend moves to kneel in front of you. 

Fingers grazing your legs she asks, with a soft demanding tone,“ what was that?”

“It was nothing. I’m fine I promise.” 

“That wasn’t fine. When you left you you were fine. Just now, you looked like you’d seen a ghost.” She presses. 

You push your hands up your face and through your hair,“ I didn’t. I was just-”

“Using your powers on Bucky.” She finishes, an almost hard look setting in her eyes. 

Her words take you by surprise. 

When she found out about your powers is lost on you. And what did she know about them? 

Eyes wide, you can barely ask what she’s talking about before she speaks again.“ Have you been using your powers on everyone this entire time?” 

“I- yes.” 

“And you weren’t going to say anything?” She stands. 

Following suit, you stand as well,“ I was going to tell you but I didn’t want to worry you. And I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle it-”

A deep frown covers her brow,“ you never even gave me a chance. Am I correct in assuming you’ve been lying to me then? All those times I came to see you after your session and you told me you were fine?”

“That wasn’t necessarily a lie. I was fine it just took me a minute.” 

“Necessarily?” Green eyes narrow at you.“ Lying is lying I don’t care how technical you want to get about it. I do care that you’ve constantly been telling me to trust you and be honest, yet you’ve been lying since the beginning.” 

You open your mouth to protest or object but she’s right.“ Tash I’m sorry okay. I swear I was planning to tell you.”

“Planning or not, you lied. You could’ve just told me you weren’t ready to talk about it. How was lying the better option?” A deep sigh leaves the woman’s lips and she runs a hand through her hair, before simply turning to leave. 

“Wait Ta-”

She holds her hand up,“ don’t follow me Y/n. I need a minute. Just go enjoy your party.” 

With that she leaves you in the hall alone. And you can only blame yourself.

* * * * * *

taglist: @username23345 @muffliat-o  @aaron-despair @natasha-danvers​ @wildhoney32 @criminallyhamilton @fayhar @nat-km-mh @chicken-wang09 @trikruismybitch

[moonbeambucky]

Hey Neighbor (Part 2)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 3997 Warnings: mentions of cheating, mentions of death/loss

Summary: You had a plan and then life came along with one of its own. With your future almost derailed you worked hard to get yourself back on track and finally everything seemed to be going right… that is, until your new neighbor moved in.

A/N: A huge thank you to my wonderful beta Sam @buckyofthemyscira​​​ Feedback is always appreciated!

PART 1 | HEY NEIGHBOR MASTERLIST

A soft knock at pulls you away from the computer. Twisting your stiff head towards the door you smile, seeing Steve Rogers standing with a tray of coffee and a paper bag in hand marked with the logo of your favorite nearby restaurant.

“You’re a lifesaver!” you chuckled, though you meant every word as you invited Steve to sit at your desk for lunch.

Steve worked security for Stark Industries and you developed a close friendship in the years since you’ve been there. Though he was undeniably good looking, with the build of a Greek God and long lashes you were incredibly jealous of, you never saw Steve as anything other than the brother you never had.

At the time you met he was dating a girl from the building, Lillian Nguyen from accounting. You hadn’t seen much of her in person, just through the photos Steve showed you with adoration on his phone. When he began talking about looking for engagement rings you were thrilled but that excitement was replaced with anger and confusion when Steve found out Lillian was cheating on him.

He was extremely hurt and became guarded afterwards, not wanting to put himself out there again. His lack of socializing worked with your lack of a social life and on the rare occasion you had a moment free from school work Steve would often come over and hang out to binge watch shows you needed to catch up to on Netflix while you ate pizza.

The paper bag rustled as he pulled out a large sandwich, cup of soup and a salad, distributing napkins across the desk as he knows how much of a messy eater you can be. You grabbed the sandwich, tearing open the paper wrapping and sinking your teeth into it with a bite full of food too large for your mouth.

Steve laughed, as he stirred the broth of his soup. He’s witnessed you eating before, unapologetically shoveling food into your face especially when you were starving.

“You know the sandwich isn’t goin’ anywhere, right?” he joked.

Chewing a large mouthful, you grabbed a napkin to wipe the corner of your lips that you felt had a piece of food sticking to it.

“Steve,” you paused to take a sip of coffee, “I’m fucking starving. I ran out this morning and all I had here was a package of almonds that are not filling despite what you say.”

He asked the reason for your tardiness and you explained how you stayed at the cafe until closing to finish up your work, all because of your stupid neighbor.

“Have you tried talkin’ to him?”

You stared at Steve incredulously. “Haven’t gotten a chance. I gotta wait for the right moment. There’s no way I’m knocking on his door, not when he’s banging all of New York, who knows what I’d end up seeing.”

“D’ya want me to do it?”

It was in Steve’s nature to help and though you appreciated his offer you wanted to handle this yourself. You were the one that had to live next to the Music Man, it would be better to confront him alone.

“I understand,” he said, taking a swig from his water bottle. “You down to hang tonight?”

“Wish I could but before my time is sucked away by the next paper I really need to research where I could do my internship. I’m all registered for school but I need to submit the paperwork for where I’ll be doing my hours and I’m running out of time.”

“You should talk to my buddy Sam. Maybe he could get you in at the hospital.”

Sam was Steve’s friend from the gym. They’d work out together, turning everything into a friendly competition to see who could run faster or lift more. Sam was also a doctor in the emergency department of Metro-General so he might have connections. It was worth a shot so you asked Steve to text him. Still you planned on searching for more backups to be safe.

Before the hour was over Steve left to head back downstairs to the security desk and you continued your work for Ms. Hill. You had evolved to working closer with Ms. Hill, becoming more like an executive assistant to her and when necessary Ms. Potts.

In between coordinating a meeting your phone goes off with a text from Wanda, asking if she could see you over the weekend for brunch. Ironically, she ended up moving to the city after all. There was only so far she could go with her degree at home and with her mother’s blessing she came to New York to work for The Jewish Museum.

She lived in a trendy loft on Bleecker Street, decorated with her signature eclectic style. Woven rugs hung like tapestries on the wall, plants hanging down from macramé holders in front of the large windows. Her furniture was an odd mix of plush velvet tufted cushions and smooth leather arm chairs that somehow worked with the mid-century touches and industrial shelving.

Her apartment had more space which you envied, although you loved everything else about where you lived. The neighborhood was amazing, with great shops and a lot of different food options right at your doorstep. Everything was perfect, except your neighbor.

Responding to Wanda you let her know you could most likely make it depending on the workload you’d be getting from your Saturday class. You could not wait until that was over. Spending all day in a small, windowless room instead of enjoying the summer weekend made you miserable but you were close to the end, so, so close.

When the work day was over you went to meet Steve downstairs, walking over to the desk to say goodnight to the elderly security guard who’s been with the company since its inception.

“Any plans for the weekend Mr. Lee?”

The wiry white hairs that made up his mustache moved as he grinned. “Well, Joanie thinks my hair’s getting a bit long,” he smiled, running his fingers through his greyish-white strands. “She’ll have it trimmed before supper, I'm sure,” he laughed.

A smile graced your face whenever you listened to Mr. Lee, admiring the adoration he had for his wife. Steve has heard all of his stories more than once but he never tires of them either. Everyone loved Mr. Lee, especially Tony Stark, who continued to pay him a full time salary for the part time hours he worked.

The job was easy enough as he greeted visitors to Stark Industries, and signing them in to the building while Steve and some other employees did most of the security checks.

You and Steve bid Mr. Lee goodbye as you made your way to the subway. Steve didn’t live far from you and though he could have gotten off at a further stop he always walked with you to your building, partially to make sure you got home safely but also because he needed a distraction to get out of his head.

There were many times when you suggested he go out, not with the purpose of meeting someone but just to break up the monotony of his routine, but Steve lost his confidence after the breakup. For now, he didn’t want to be told what to do, he simply needed a friend and so you were there for him.

Wanda sat back against the chair beside the bistro table covered in shade. Her always changing hair color was light brown today, parting the silky strands perfectly down the middle. She was the definition of cool, despite the heat, wearing a loose scoop-necked tank top, slim ripped jeans and topped things off with a pair of motorcycle boots. Her neck was adorned with a few necklaces of varying lengths, one of which she never took off, a silver lightning bolt in honor of her late brother.

She and Pietro were twins with distinctly different personalities. Wanda was laid back, even as a child. She would actually stop to smell the roses that lined the garden of their backyard, whereas Pietro was always moving. He was an extraordinary multitasker that could not sit still.

Pietro had so many dreams, a full list of things he wanted to do in life but he was taken from the world too soon. Wanda wears the necklace as a reminder to live life to the fullest, knowing how quickly things can change.

Squeezing through the other tables to get to Wanda, you huff as you sit down and catch your breath, apologizing for being late.

“Wanda, I swear I’m going to kill him.”

“Who?”

“The fucking Music Man! I had to leave my own damn apartment again because of his stupid playing. Like, dude, could you not? You live in an apartment. Everyone hears you, everyone!”

Grabbing the glass of ice water you quickly drink most of it to soothe the dehydration of your mouth.

“And another thing, like does he not realize that we can all hear the girls he’s banging? Wanda, they’re so fucking loud. If they were still there right now I bet you could hear them from here.”

Wanda laughed at your accusation. “Oh, so they don’t stay the night? He’s a ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ kinda guy?”

“I guess! I hear them leave, whining at his door as they’re begging to stay over. It’s so pathetic. What’s so great about this guy anyway?” you scoffed. “I wish he never moved here!”  

With a final humph you opened the menu, your anger dissipating as you read the descriptions for everything you wanted, mouth salivating as you tried to decide what to choose. Wanda opted for the frittata while you decided to take out your frustrations on yourself with delicious Challah French Toast.

Wanda’s eyes widened as she watched you drown your meal in syrup. You hummed in satisfaction as you took a bite.

“Hmm, it’s not as good as the kind your mom makes,” you said.

Wanda laughed, “Uh, yeah, because she never used a whole bottle of syrup. Geez Y/N can you taste anything other than sugar?”

“Shush Wan, let me enjoy myself here.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head at you. “Well, anyway, I wanted to tell you something exciting...” she sang, grinning widely. “Director Coulson asked me to curate an exhibit on prejudice told through Romani-Jewish art!”

“Wanda this is perfect! I’m so happy for you!” you beamed, getting up from your chair to wrap your arms around her in a proud hug.

“I know! I’m so excited. Mom’s gonna come up for the opening. I mean that’s a long time from now but fuck, I can’t wait!”

After finishing brunch you went back home to begin working on your final. It was a research paper that was worth half of your grade so you really needed to concentrate. And yet the moment the elevator doors opened to your floor you heard it, the sound of music flooding the halls coming from none other than the apartment next to yours.

Jamming your keys into the door with frustration you grunted, grabbing all the things you needed to do your work at the cafe. Your foot tapped impatiently as you waited for the elevator again. With your arms crossed over your chest you could feel your blood boiling beneath your skin, beating to the stupid rhythm of the stupid song that your stupid, inconsiderate neighbor wouldn’t stop playing.

The elevator dinged before the doors opened and you were like a bull, grunting and blowing puffs of air from your flaring nostrils as you were ready to charge into it. As the doors opened you stopped yourself from barreling into your neighbors that were inside.

“Whoa, Y/N!” Clint said, raising his hands up defensively, “Easy there.”

Clint lived on the floor above you along with his fiancée Natasha, whose arms were looped through his.

“Sorry guys,” you apologized. “Oh, wait.” Making your right hand into a fist you ran it across your chest in a few circular motions.

“Someone’s been practicing,” Natasha chimed in, signing her words along as she spoke to you.

Clint was partially deaf and though he used hearing aids he often signed, especially when he didn’t feel like talking to people, although you were one of the lucky ones he considered a friend. Still, you wanted to be able to communicate with him, even if he didn’t want to actually speak.

Clint was a history teacher who already tried to get you into his school for your internship but doubted you would be brought on board. There were apparently a lot of issues going on with the principal and Natasha surmised there was a big lawsuit in the works.

Natasha was an attorney, hoping to make partner at her current firm Nelson & Murdock. Clint never failed to praise her, nicknaming Natasha the Black Widow as he claimed watching her dismantle a witness was like watching a spider sink its venomous fangs into its prey.

“Where’re you guys off to?” you asked.

“Just going out for some ice cream,” she replied.

Clint laughed. “Some ice cream? No, I’m going out to eat a lot of ice cream,” he chuckled, rubbing his eager stomach.

Natasha poked the small protrusion of his belly through his shirt. “Listen buddy, we’ve got a wedding to plan. Easy on the ice cream.” Natasha brought her full lips to his for a kiss they both smiled through, knowing she was teasing him.

“What about you Y/N?” Clint asked.

The elevator doors opened and you walked out with them, explaining how frustrating it’s been that you’ve had to leave for the cafe to do your work all because of the new neighbor.

“Oh the Guitar Hero?” Clint joked. “Yeah, we can hear him too. Well, actually…” he drifted off smirking.

“Clint takes his hearing aids out so no, he doesn’t hear him,” Natasha filled in the information that had you bursting out with laughter.

“Can you hear the women too?” you wondered, considering their apartment was right above his.

“Yeah, kind of, that’s more muffled though. It’s probably a lot worse for you.” Natasha grimaced, catching the way she didn’t mean the words to come out.

It was true though, sharing a wall with the man that made your string lights bounce with every thrust. The sound was bad enough and thankfully your headphones helped with that but every night you had to shut your eyes, hoping you would fall asleep before he was through with them.

You had to give it to the guy though, the man had stamina. Still, you wanted to kill him. At least you were friends with a lawyer...

The next few days have the same result, with you coming home dead tired from work, hoping you’d be able to stay home to work on your final to no avail. You tried using the headphones in your apartment but it didn’t help. The sound was mostly blocked out but your mind couldn’t focus on anything but the anger you held towards the neighbor, knowing he was playing that same song over and over again.

You might as well live in the cafe since you’ve practically paid them your rent in coffee and pastries over the last month. You were burning out quickly and Steve decided you needed a break, bringing over pizza and beer.

Opening up the box, you smiled, staring at the bubbling cheese.

“Ahh, pizza, my one true love,” you said, plating slices for you and Steve.

Your small table was always covered in textbooks, mail and other paperwork you needed to tend to, so you and Steve took your usual spots on the couch.

After working at Stark Industries for a few months you made enough money that allowed you to finally buy much needed furniture. You adored your light grey couch, adorned with blush colored throw pillows. You threw the fuzzy white blanket over the side of the couch, not serving much purpose during the summer months other than to look like it was naturally left on the cushion in a perfectly styled manner for display.

Pushing aside the candlesticks that sat on your coffee table, you set down actual coasters for the bottles Steve opened, not wanting to ruin the veneer of the grey wood top of your rustic coffee table. A small accent rug helped define the space you declared as the living room, despite having your bed within arm’s reach beside you.

Against the brick wall is your TV, sitting atop a modern white stand with shelves for storage you’ve packed to the brim. Beside it, a large antique floor mirror leans against the brick. It was as tall as Steve who helped bring it to your apartment after you found it at a flea market. However, the thing you cherished most was the artwork of the Brooklyn Bridge that hung above your couch, painted by Steve as a gift to you.

“So,” he said, chewing quickly to swallow the food in his mouth. “I talked to Sam. He said it would be cool for you to call him about the internship.”

“Oh yeah. You really think he could help or is this just a rouse to give him my number?” you half-joked.

Steve laughed deeply, wiping away a bit of oil the pizza leaked onto his chin. “Nah, it’s definitely about the internship but I wouldn’t put it past Sam if he tried to take you out. Lord knows he’s been on my case about it with you since I met ‘im.”

“Does he not think guys and girls can have a friendship without romance involved?”

“I can’t speak for him… probably not though.”

You laughed before getting up for another slice. You hoped Sam would be able to help with the internship, no strings attached. He didn’t seem like that type of guy anyway, and all of Steve’s friends were good people so you weren’t worried.

As the Music Man began his one man band you had to gradually increase the volume of your television; your anger rising with every click of the remote. It was no longer enjoyable to watch the action movie you and Steve put on, having to raise the volume for higher to hear the dialogue and scramble to lower the blasting noise of car screeching and explosions. When you couldn’t take it anymore you called it a night.

“Guess you haven’t spoken to him?” Steve asked the question he clearly knew the answer to.

“Soon,” you said hopefully, not knowing when the day might come.

As the sun began to rise on the early Saturday morning you were getting ready for class. With your closet open you debated on what to wear when you heard a voice from the other side of the wall.

“Hi ma… Things are good… and Dad…”

He must have been walking around the apartment as you heard most of the words.

“I know…Leaving now…”

You heard the undoing of his locks and the front door creaking open. Shit! Your first moment to speak to the Music Man alone and you’re standing in your underwear. There’s definitely no way you would approach him now. Instead you raced to the door to try and catch a glimpse of what he looked like but it was too late.

Huffing in frustration you continued to get dressed and within fifteen minutes you were ready to leave. The elevator dinged as you shut your door, inserting your key to turn the deadbolt, unaware of the form that was moving closer towards you, not until you heard the whistling of a familiar tune.

Your heart pounded furiously in your chest, as if that tune was part of a psychological experiment, like Pavlov’s dog but instead of salivating you wanted to punch something.

“Hey neighbor.”

The soft voice of the Music Man broke you from your vision of punching through your shared wall and destroying his instruments. With a calming inhale you turned around to face him.

“I’m Bucky.”

You didn’t respond, you couldn’t. The breath was stolen from your lungs as you stared directly into the kindest, bluest eyes you had ever seen. All the anger left your body, replaced by the softness of his pink lips that reminded you of flowers in full bloom.

He was tall and lean, but your eyes did not miss the bulge of his biceps that showed through his cotton t-shirt. In his hand was a coffee cup, gripped under his long fingers. His hair was dark and pulled back into a low sloppy bun, with a loose piece falling beside his smile.

His hand was extended towards you and you weren’t sure how long it had been. It felt like you were staring at him for hours, or was it only seconds. Did time really stop moving the moment you finally saw him? You broke yourself out of your trance to shake his hand and introduce yourself.

“It’s nice to meet you Y/N. I just moved in. Well not just, but not long ago,” Bucky said.

Yeah I know. I hear you every night. You remembered your frustration and tried to assemble the sentence in your head of how to confront him.

“You ever get coffee from the place on the corner?” he asked, gesturing to the cup in his hand. “The line was crazy long but worth it, it’s delicious.”

“Yeah, once or twice but I’m usually at the Grind House. They’re open late and that’s where I have to go to study because… uh…” you stammered for a moment, “...your guitar playing is too distracting.”

You chewed on your bottom lip, wondering why you felt uncomfortable when he was the one who was being a bad neighbor.

Bucky’s face dropped with guilt. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

“It’s alright,” you lied, not knowing why you said that. Pulling more confidence out of midair you continued, “It’s just that the walls are so thin and I’m in school, well I work full time too, but I’ve just got a lot on my plate and honestly I’m not sure how much longer I can afford the coffee shop every night.”

You chuckled to lighten up the conversation, continuing to ramble before giving him a chance to speak. “So, um, if you wouldn’t mind, maybe you could practice during the day instead or weekends are mostly fine. I’m actually heading to class now so I’ll be gone all day.” Great, give him your whole schedule why don’t you.

With nerves getting the better of you, you turned on your heel quickly saying it was nice to meet him. Briskly making your way towards the elevator you pressed the button furiously in hopes it would get to your floor faster.

Once inside you let out a big sigh and waved your hand in front of your slightly sweaty, heated face. Bucky seemed like he genuinely wasn’t aware of the noise he was making, and the way you passive aggressively called him out on it made you feel like shit.

But what was worse was knowing there was a face, a drop dead gorgeous face that is responsible for making the women of New York scream in ecstasy every night. It was going to be very difficult to concentrate in class today.

Getting home later that afternoon you were anxious to make something to eat, but more anxious about Bucky, hoping you wouldn’t run into him again. As you opened your door your foot slid on something and as you looked down you saw a small envelope with your name written on it.

Inside was a $50 gift card to The Grind House with a little note. I’m truly sorry about the noise. –Bucky

Your mouth opened in shock at the realization that Bucky did this nice gesture for you, and worse, you were going to have to thank him.

PART 3

[bananxjin]

Trophy Wife || 8

↦ Coworker!Seokjin x Reader

↦ WC: 8,729

↦ Drama || Angst || Fluff || Slow Burn

↦ Trigger Warnings: One night stand/Light smut in the beginning, Reader cries a lot, Mentions of past abuse, Swearing

↦ Tagged: @lysannnnaa​, @vanillanjin​

↦ Summary: You thought you knew what you wanted – You were sure you knew what you wanted. You thought the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage with your fiance, Touru Kim; the love of your life, the future father of your children, and the man of your dreams, but things happen. Events begin to unfold, and the relationship falls apart. You see the true colors of your husband-to-be, and you realize that maybe he’s not what you built him up to be. With everything laid out in front of you, you knew the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage.

Just not with Touru.

✨ Masterlist ✨

**

Early November…

Usually, this was Jin’s most favorite time of year.

Usually.

When the time has finally come for the air to cool down and he can break out all his favorite sweaters. The way there were leaves in varying shades of reds and yellows littering the ground. Or how all the delicious holiday foods were back in season and it was finally justifiable for the apartment to smell like cinnamon and toasted marshmallows. In many ways, Jin believed he romanticised this special time of year.

But for now, things would be a little different. A little more stressful. With Yoongi leaving in another year's time, he and Hobi had no choice but to start looking for their own places since this apartment was way too expensive for the two of them, and they weren’t really interested in rooming with someone who wasn’t Yoongi.

Jin was lucky enough to find the place that he did. Sure, he still had nearly an hour's worth of driving to his second job, but this place was perfect in every other aspect. He’d be a fool to pass up on it. Yoongi and Hobi were ecstatic when they’d heard he signed for it earlier this week, and insisted they all went out to celebrate.

It took some convincing, mostly because it meant Jin would be passing up a bartending shift, but he’d caved in the end. There was some unnecessary debate about where they’d be going to celebrate because Jin already knew the one place that’d stand out above all the others.

HI-Lites.

It was HI-Lites everytime no matter what. It seemed to be the only decent bar within a twenty mile radius. He didn’t mean to complain or seem ungrateful. HI-Lites created a lovely atmosphere for all who visited with vibrant music mixed with the softened glow of neon lights. Velvety plush booths and a stainless steel countertop which the bartender always swore up and down was so clean you could eat off it.

Jin never attempted to.

Not to mention, 90% of the patrons were regulars. It might as well have been its own little community with the way everyone practically knew one another. It certainly wasn’t uncommon to run into an old friend or even a colleague some nights. There were plenty of reasons for HI-Lites to be their favorite bar, but Jin just wasn’t in the partying spirit tonight.

In fact, Jin would argue that he’d been going out of his way to ignore this place ever since he ran into you and your friend that night. He couldn’t help but now associate the establishment with the vivid memory of you looking like something that’d just stepped out of a dream. He caught himself a couple times taking glimpses up towards the bar just hoping he’d spot your figure sitting up there once again, but to no avail.

He felt guilty. Here his friends had been hyping him up all week long and made time in their schedules to spend this time with him, but all he could think about was you. His eyes and his heart would only search for you.

Although it wasn’t like Jin’s crush was a secret in this household. No, his friends were quick to pick up on his little crush and seized every opportunity to tease him about it. That was at least until they realized how familiar the situation seemed to his previous one. Then they changed their tune real quick.

They’d talked to him about it on several occasions, reminding how broken up he’d been over Her, and they didn’t want him to make the same mistake twice. He lost count of how many times they’ve had this conversation. How many times he’s stressed to them that it won’t happen this time. Because even if he did have a chance, he knew you’d never be the type to play such twisted games to get one over on your partner. Or rather, an ex-partner.

“Hi boys!”

“Hi, Mina!” Echoed Yoongi and Hobi’s response in a light chorus.

She smiled, eyeing Jin for a moment longer than she did the others. “Haven’t seen you three in awhile! What’s going on?” She asked, sliding into the rounded booth right beside Hobi. Yoongi, having noticed Jin’s spacey stare, gave a sharp kick to his shin beneath the table.

“Why don’t you tell her, Jin?” Yoongi quipped, giving him a sickly sweet smile. Immediately, Mina’s curious eyes found him.

“Oh? Tell me what?” Jin cleared his throat. “Uhm. We’re celebrating.” He responded vaguely, reaching down to rub his still very sore leg.

“I signed a lease for my own apartment, and I’ll be moving in come the new year.” At this, Mina’s face lit up with her full smile and rounded cheeks. “Wow, that sounds wonderful! I’m so happy for you!” She giggled.

“Let me buy your next drink, yeah? Just a little something to congratulate you with?” She offered. “Oooh, we should all do a round of shots!” Hobi added, giddy at the thought of free drinks.

“I don’t know, gang…” Jin shied away. “Shots sound like a great idea! Any preferences?”

After deciding they’d leave the decision up to her, Mina disappeared into the crowd with a promise of bringing back more alcohol.

“Dude!” Hobi blurted once she was out of ear shot. “Are you fucking blind? Why do you always try to push her away?”

“I’m not trying to do anything.” Jin retorted.

Okay. That might’ve been a lie. It’s no secret that Mina liked him. Every Time she’s caught him here, she’d do everything short of throwing herself into his arms. Anything just to get even an ounce of his attention.

This wasn’t even the first time she’s offered to buy his drink, and she was always flirting with him. It’s been this way for as long as he can remember. And while Jin’s flattered, he’s just never been as interested in her as she was him.

“Ya know,” Yoongi interjected, throwing back the rest of his whiskey. “Your personalities actually match really well. I think you two could really hit it off if you’d just give her a chance.”

Jin rolled his eyes and leaned back into the velvet booth, wondering what he should say this time. Which excuse would he use to worm his way out of this conversation? His friends had been trying to push him into Mina’s arms for the last couple of months. Even more-so now that they knew he needed to get over you, but he was more concerned with hurting her. There was no doubt they’d probably have a lovely relationship, if only Jin just felt the same way…

“Maybe a night alone with Mina is just what you need to get over you-know-who.” Hobi winked. “You can say her name.” Jin tsked. “It’s not like talking about her will-”

“Here we are!” Mina interrupted as she haphazardly placed four shots on the table. “Sorry it took so long! I wanted to let the girls know what was going on.”

“Oh, we didn’t mean to take you away from your friends.” Yoongi frowned. “Hey, what if we moved up to the bar instead?”

“Ooh, yeah! Then it’d be a real celebration!” Hobi laughed. Mina hummed, “They’d be more than happy to celebrate with you guys! But I think I’ll leave the decision up to the man of the hour.”

All eyes were on him now, eagerly awaiting his answer. Was Mina offering him a way out? He really didn’t feel like it was fair for Yoongi to make such a suggestion, not like that mattered now.

“C’mon, Jin!” Whaddya say?” Hobi begged. Jin’s nervous gaze shuffled between the three of them until finally locking eye contact with Mina.

A night to forget about (Y/n)…

Your friends are right; you never really did give Mina a chance. And it’s not like you’re locked into anything, just…

Talk to her.

Mina smiled shyly and tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear. Obviously feeling flustered from holding Jin’s gaze for so long.

“Okay.”

And so the trio followed Mina back to her spot where three other ladies were waiting. Jin recognized them, but he couldn’t place any names to any faces.

Jin was sat right beside Mina, and it didn’t take long for their conversation to divulge from the others. Mina had finally gotten her wish. With Yoongi and Hobi preoccupied with her friends, she’d finally had Jin to herself. The conversation flowed easily between them. They talked almost like they were friends long ago and were finally getting the chance to catch up.

Jin was nervous at first as memories of you still lingered in the back of his mind, but as the night went on, those memories became nothing more than a fleeting thought. Jin was finally giving himself permission to let loose a little bit.

One beer turned into two. Then three. Another round of shots just for fun. Maybe one more after that because it tasted pretty good and Jin wanted to savor it this time. He was starting to forget why he’d been so depressed when he’d gotten here earlier. Eventually, the two started a drinking game. He couldn’t quite recall why or even what the rules were, but he was having fun nonetheless.

Then Mina was pulling him onto the dance floor. Her arms were around his neck, and his around her waist. Her fingers tousled at the hair on the nape of his neck, and it was turning him on.

Slowly. Ever so slowly, time had begun to escape Jin. He took a small peek over his shoulder just to make sure his friends were still there, but Mina’s warm hands found his cheeks just in time to bring his attention back to her.

The rest of the world felt so far away. Almost like they were in their own little bubble. Even his own voice was beginning to sound like gibberish in his ears, and he wondered if he was actually doing anything or if he was standing off in the background, watching somebody else have fun.

He had to blink a couple of times. No, he was sure every experience he was having was his own. Clearly some part of his brain was still high functioning. He could only see Mina. The way he was making her laugh at something he’d said. The way they were flirting with light touches and eventually closing the small space between them.

He hadn’t felt this good in a long time.

Then he blinked. And he was in the backseat of an Uber with Mina’s tiny frame pressed into his side. Palming him through his jeans and whispering dirty things into his ear. He could hear the soft moan that came from his lips, and he thought he should’ve been ashamed. But all he could focus on was the way her breath tickled his skin.

He blinked. And Mina was underneath him. Moaning his name and tugging him close to kiss him again. Had she already kissed him once? She must have. Or did he kiss her?

It didn’t matter. All he could feel was the way her pussy was squeezing him as he pumped himself in and out.

Her coal black her was splayed out across the pillow, and Jin couldn’t help sweeping one side up into his palm and giving it a light tug. She arched herself into him, crying out in ecstasy when Jin leaned in to suck blooming bruises into her neck.

God she looks fucking gorgeous like this.

And there it was. As if he’d flipped a magic switch, he’d regained some semblance of clarity. Sobriety. Just enough to feel the guilt come creeping in. She was gorgeous, and this is what she’d been wanting. She’d laid everything out for him and waited patiently until he’d finally take the bait.

His head was starting to hurt. He could feel himself inching closer and closer to coming undone with the way her heat was squeezing him. Jin dove in again, sucking more and more hickies into her skin.

He couldn’t stand to look at her anymore. He shouldn’t be doing this. This scene wasn’t meant for his eyes. It shouldn’t be meant for his eyes. He shouldn’t be enjoying her body as much as he was. It was selfish. HE was being selfish. He knew; he’s known this whole time how she’s felt, and he crossed that boundary.

It wasn’t fair to either of them, but especially not to her. Because even though she’d gotten what she wanted. Even if being with him was making her happy in the moment, nothing was going to change.

Tonight wouldn't mean anything to him.

**

“My parents are hosting a little dinner to congratulate my sister on her engagement next weekend.” Her naturally bubbly voice spoke through the receiver. “They’ve been asking about you, you know.”

He couldn’t stand to hurt her. The morning that followed their evening together, they sat in Mina’s kitchen. Had coffee together and tried to come up with ways to talk about what’d happened the night before. The usual routine for any one night stand.

Mina had been the first one to break the silence, admitting to Jin that she had, in fact, liked him for a long time. “I want to give us a chance.” She said earnestly.

Us…

It took Jin a moment to compose himself. Yoongi’s words of encouragement entangled themselves with his pounding migraine, and Jin couldn’t piece any of his thoughts together. “Mina…” He called out softly after a moment.

“I don’t know that I’m emotionally ready for a relationship. I have a lot of baggage--”

“That’s okay!” Mina reassured him. “I mean… We both still have some things we need to figure out; I know that, but…” She shied away from his gaze.

“Wouldn’t you at least like to try?” She whispered.

It broke Jin’s heart. Enough to finally give in. There was a mutual agreement: No labels on the relationship. Less of a chance for either of them to get hurt, but they wanted to make the effort -- Or rather, Mina wanted to make the effort. Because, who knows? Maybe they’d make a great team!

But Jin had been slacking recently. And he knew it. Was painfully aware everytime her name popped up on his phone or she’d shown up on his doorstep.

“They want to know when they’ll get to meet you.” She continued, reminding Jin that he was still on the phone with her. Jin nodded idly despite Mina not being able to see him. She’d been trying to plan another date for weeks now, but Jin’s evaded all attempts in doing so. Each time with the taste of guilt sitting at the back of his throat.

“It’s Saturday evening. I was wondering if you’d be able to make it.” The lilt of false hope in her voice plucked at his heartstrings. Made it that much harder to turn her down.

You should go. Just to make her happy.

“I really want to Mina, but I have my research deadline coming up soon, and I haven’t touched that paper in weeks…” Technically he’s not lying. But he knew damn well he wouldn’t be working on that monster anytime soon.

“You told me that paper’s not even due until April!” She sighed. “C’mon. You can’t spare just one night?”

Jin frowned, completely understanding her frustration with him. Mostly because he wished he could just learn how to tell people no. Or maybe tell Mina what was really going on. How he really felt. That way it wouldn’t feel like he was dragging her along anymore.

“I’m really sorry, Mina.” He apologized. “I promise you’ll see me soon.”

It didn’t take long for her to end the call after that, giving Jin some time to breathe. The phone fell onto the wooden table with a little more force than he’d intended, creating a sharp echo across the breakroom. Thankfully nobody else seemed to be around. He crossed his arms and laid his head down.

It’d been two weeks. Two weeks since he saw the bruises on your arms. Two weeks since he’d heard your voice. Two weeks since you’d been into work.

He texted you a couple times the first week. Called once just to make sure everything was okay, but it sent him straight to your voicemail.

He hung up.

The only thing reassuring him that you were still employed and above all else, alive was knowing Namjoon and Seulgi had both heard from you regarding every shift since then. He tried asking about you, but they simply told him you weren’t feeling well, and left it at that.

He knew they couldn’t share anything with him beyond that; it was common sense. Other associates’ business was strictly confidential, and really they were giving him more information than they needed to just by saying that. But at least it was something.

It wasn’t until he was back on the floor, going through the motions when he felt like he could finally release some of the tension built up in his chest. It was faint. Hardly something that would rouse his attention any other day, but he’d caught wind of your name being called out by one of the cashiers.

His hands stopped whatever they’d been doing. His body stood completely still. He eyed the doorway of the Men's dressing room. Not so much expecting you to walk through, but god he’d hoped.

There was a chill crawling up the back of his spine. A slight tingle in his fingertips, like his body knew what to expect, yet he didn’t. Looking down at his scanner, he tapped on the screen for confirmation.

6:18 PM

Four hours until closing. It would line up perfectly if you’d just clocked on. An unexpected bout of shyness washed over him. His cheeks. His ears. His neck. Everything felt warm at the thought of seeing you. Even if you wouldn’t speak to him; even if you’d told him you wanted nothing to do with him, just knowing you were safe would be enough.

He swallowed, forgetting what he was meant to be doing. Until he heard the telltale echo of timid footsteps on laminate floors approaching the Men’s dressing room.

He continued to stare holes into the backs of his hands until his vision unfocused. Listening intently to the footsteps until they were echoing off the walls of the tiny room he occupied. Until there was a clear indication he was no longer alone.

They faltered for a moment. As if they hadn’t expected anyone else to be here, but he didn’t seem to scare them off, walking closer until there were on the other side; standing shoulder to shoulder with him, staring at the wall of clothes that would need to be sent back out onto the floor. But nothing beyond that.

So it was you…

His mind eventually caught up to him, and all too quickly Jin realized how fucking stupid he must’ve looked right about now. How creepy it must’ve been for him to just be standing there like statue, his gaze burning holes into the wall as if that would somehow make him move. Make him focus on doing his job instead of worrying about you.

But you didn’t make any attempts to move either. Didn’t speak or give any indication you were even there aside from simply existing in the same space as him.

Out of his peripheral, he could tell your head was tilted down, fingers tightly wound together like you were paying your respects at a funeral. Neither of you moved a muscle.

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable. But it certainly wasn’t welcomed either. Jin couldn’t imagine what this scene might look like to a stranger had anybody decided to walk in, but to you and him, this would have to be enough for now. Enough to exist silently in this tiny, enclosed space. Enough to know that there’s no judgement nor urgency to fill the still space between them. Something akin to becoming acquainted with each other again, but for the first time.

There was no animosity. No abundance of energy or need to comfort.

It just Was.

“Hi, stranger.” Finally breaking the silence, your voice melted away any remaining anxiety seizing his bones. Part of that wall had been chipped away, and he could see you again. His lips upturned into the tiniest grin.

“Hi.”

You swallowed, clearly unsure of what to say or how to handle the situation now that it’d been acknowledged. You wren’t even sure there was anything you could say. Now didn’t seem like the right time for it. Like you’d already messed up before you’d been given the chance. Still, you wanted to try.

“I really…”

You cleared your throat. “I really missed you.”

Jin’s stomach lurched up into his throat. He wasn’t expecting that sort of response, but he was relieved to know he wasn’t the only one that’d been hurting for your company.

“I missed you too.” His throat cracked. “How’ve you been?”

You shrugged, tightening your fingers around each other until your knuckles turned bright white. “Not good.” You whispered. “I think…”

Jin finally turned his head in your direction. Just enough to catch your side profile. You didn’t look at him.

“I think I need somebody to hold right now.”

And somehow, that was all it took. Those were the magic words that broke the spell. In one short movement, Jin had your wrapped up in a comforting embrace which you gladly accepted. The glue keeping you together was already thin, and now it was melting away. But Jin’s hug prevented you from crumbling. Instinctively, you held him tighter and he returned the sentiment tenfold.

His chin locked over your shoulder while your face stay buried in the crook of his neck. There were still so many things left unsaid. Unspoken apologies that continued to dangle in the air above you, but they didn’t need to be spoken to be understood.

They’ve always been understood. With patience, the pressure faded away into nothing. Jin could finally breathe again, and so could you. There was never a need for any fear or doubt when it came to your friendship, and you knew. Both of you cherished the other; that much was made clear in the volume of your actions. It was just a matter of time.

Make no mistake, both you and Jin knew there was still so much to be discussed. Understanding that things couldn’t be left like this. Understanding that they couldn’t turn into this every time something went wrong. There needed to be a clear line of communication.

You felt like at this point, you owed it to him. No more keeping him in the dark. No more keeping secrets to protect him. Jin was a grown man. He wouldn’t run away at the first sign of trouble. He’s always been there, and as long as you’d allow it, he’d continue to be there. But all of that would come in due time. There was no need to fill this silence with word vomit.

For now, this was enough. This was more than enough.

And so in the hidden confines of a public dressing room, the two of you continued to share a long, comforting, and much needed hug. Warnth and safety in each other’s embrace.

“Come back to my place tonight.” Jin whispered.

You nodded. You didn’t need to be asked twice.

__

His apartment looked so much more different since the last time you’d been there. Granted, last time you were here, it was completely barren. Unlived for so long until he’d come to make it his own. The futon with the busted leg stuck out like a sore thumb being sat in the middle of the room, but now there was a large tan rug unfolded across the living space with splashes of blue and red, thus creating a deep purple where the two colors met.

Navy curtains adorned the floor to ceiling windows, perfectly shaping around the sliding glass door leading to his balcony. You couldn’t help the low buzz of giddiness in the pit of your stomach. It felt all too intimate standing in his apartment this late at night. Comfortably. Knowing you had nowhere else to be except for Dahyun’s apartment when the night would eventually come to a close.

There was light conversation as Jin led you through the lounge and out onto the balcony. He offered to get you a drink which you were happy to accept. He also grabbed the quilted blanket which lay folded neatly on the back of the couch.

Cool air rushed at your face as you stepped outside, and Jin as quick to wrap the quilt over your shoulders. You quietly thanked him. He flipped on the fairy lights and pulled one chaise lounger just a bit closer to the other. The only thing preventing them from being pushed together was the dark end table between them.

It was a nice little nook cut out just for them. The walls extended away from his apartment, giving them ultimate privacy from his neighbors. Jin handed you a beer before taking a seat on his lounger, facing you. You smiled, mirroring his actions before he handed the bottle opener over to you. The tabs came off with a satisfying pop.

The two of you sipped in silence for a bit. Once again, nothing felt uncomfortable. But rather heavy. You looked out into the night, tracing the silhouette of the city skyline off in the distance. You hadn’t known for sure what would happen when you finally came back to work. How Jin would react or treat you after going radio silent the way you did. Whatever tonight had ended up turning into, you wanted to explain yourself to him. Explain everything to him.

He’s going to run away…

You had to reassure yourself that your anxiety was lying to you. That nothing was going to happen except that you two would sit here for as long as it took. Even if you said absolutely nothing tonight, Jin would sit here with you until he knew you were okay.

You chanced a glance over at him, and he you. A gentle smile adorned his features. “So, are you going to tell me?” He asked softly, setting his bottle on the table.

You smiled back. “I wouldn’t know where to start….” He shrugged, looking back up at you. “I’ve heard the beginning is a great place for that.”

That drew a chuckle out of you. Setting your bottle down beside his, you drew your knees into your chest, and laid your cheek on top of them. You found yourself looking out towards the city once again.

Breathe…

“Touru called off our engagement.” You stated plainly. “He called it off… That last night I saw you.”

Jin nodded in understanding. “We fought really bad. Not just that night, but we’ve… We’ve been fighting a lot these last couple months.” You continued. “He told me… A lot of things the last time I saw him…”

“Like what?” He responded in a hoarse whisper.

You reached for your bottle, taking a long swig of the amber liquid before continuing. “Like how he doesn’t trust me.” You whispered back.

“How he’s been coming in…” You smirked to yourself. “Coming in to check on me.” “At work?”

You nodded. “I think that’s how he recognized you at the restaurant.” Truthfully, Jin had no idea Touru recognized him. Although he recalled Touru giving him dirty looks a couple times back then, he assumed it was because he was blatantly flirting with you in front of him.

“I don’t…” You were choking on your words before you could completely finish your thought. “I don’t want you to think it’s your fault all of this happened.” You coughed. Jin could see the tears clear as day, building up in your eyes. He made quick work moving to your side and taking a seat beside you.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He wrapped his arms around you. You all but clambered right into his lap and he let you. He held you close to him and stroked your hair.

“We have a lot of problems.” You snorted, laying your head on his shoulder. “And we haven’t always agreed on things… Actually, a lot of the disagreements turned into these… These really fucked up arguments.” Your voice cracked under pressure, swallowing around your words so you wouldn’t choke again.

Jin pulled the comforter around your shoulder and held you closer when you began to shiver. “I think this has been a long time coming, and… I don’t know. Maybe I should’ve seen it coming. But I wanted everything to work out.” You bumbled.

“I wanted us to work out. You know, he was my first love, and we’ve been together so long…” Jin’s heart broke for you. He reached out to thumb your tears away. He never wanted to see you like this.

“I just wanted us to work out…” You sniffled, pushing your face against Jin’s chest. Holding onto him like your life depended on it.

Jin frowned deeply, gently rocking you back and forth, hoping to provide any sense of comfort to you. “He’s always been a really jealous person. I don’t want to think he’s done it intentionally, but…” You sniffled again, “He’s run off so many of my friends over the last couple years. I really only talk to Chae and Dahyun now. I mean, I’ve met their friends, too. And I think we get along just fine, but…”

“I don’t have a deep friendship with those girls like I do with Dahyun and Chae. Like I do with you.” You admitted shyly. Jin understood what you meant by those words. Still, his heart jumped at the way you said it.

“And I’m sorry. I feel like these are things I should’ve told you from the beginning, but I guess I was scared.” You mumbled. “I didn’t want Touru running you off next.”

Jin smiled and tightened his hold around you. “Awe, (Y/n),” He cooed into your hair. “Touru would never scare me off. I’m too clingy.”

You snorted. You wiggled around a bit until you were able to free your other arm from the blanket so you could wrap it around his waist, giving him a proper hug.

In the dead of night. The only thing that filled the silence were the crickets and the distance noises of city traffic. Next door, his neighbor was playing an acoustic guitar. It was soft. Faint. But just enough to brighten the otherwise solemn atmosphere. Making the night just a little more comforting.

“Can I ask you something?”

You nodded.

“Did you want to leave nursing school?”

Jin’s voice had barely been above a whisper, and it took a moment for you to respond. He was worried either you didn’t hear him or maybe the question upset you.

“No.” You squeaked. “No, I didn’t want to leave.” You pulled away from him. The tears had calmed down a while ago. Although your cheeks were still puffy and your eyes were pink and bits of your hair were glued to your cheek. Jin couldn’t believe Touru could hurt you like this.

“It was just one more thing for us to argue about. I mean it was vicious the way we fought about my college and everything.” You dug the heel of your hand into your eye, trying to undo the tears dried around your lashes.

Jin nodded in response. “What are you going to do now?” “I’m not sure. Part of me wants my relationship back, but…”

You fell quiet, unable to finish your thought. Your mind had been in such a haze ever since that last night with Touru. No matter how hard you tried, it hurt too much to ever think about. Whether ending the engagement meant ending your relationship. Whether you’d try to pursue something you wanted or wait and see if he wants you back. There was still no clear ending for you.

The familiar lump was forming in your throat once again, but you didn’t want to cry anymore. You’d been messing with a loose thread in the blanket when Jin reached out to take your hands in his.

“Look at me,” He whispered. “You should do what’s going to make you happy. Even if he wants you back, you need to tell him…” He swallowed thickly, his nerves teasing him for staring into your eyes for too long.

“His ambitions aren’t your ambitions, (Y/n).”

You smiled at him, drawing circles into his hands with your thumbs. “Thank you, Jin.”

A smile. A genuine smile from you in who knows how long. And it was just for him. He couldn’t help but think about how beautiful you looked underneath the moonlight like this. Even after just crying over a man who certainly didn’t deserve you. His heart continued to pound against his chest.

He wanted to kiss you. God, he wanted to kiss you so bad, but there couldn’t be a worse time for that. You didn’t need a new relationship or a quick fuck to run to for the night. You needed a friend, and Jin was happy to be that.

The moment was broken all too soon by the light ping from your back pocket. You quickly pulled your phone out to check who was bothering you. “Ah, sorry. It’s just Dahyun checking in on me.” ou sighed, pulling your other hand away from his so you could reply.

“I should probably head out soon. She wants to know when I’m coming back.” You stood into a stretch. The blanket fell away and pooled in Jin’s lap. But he was just as quick to stand up, instinctively taking your hand in his again.

“You don’t have to!” He blurted out. “You can stay the night if you want.”

You frowned for a moment. “I dunno, Jin. Are you sure?” You questioned timidly. “I don’t think your girlfriend would appreciate me being here. Besides, don’t you have classes tomorrow?”

What?

Jin shook his head in confusion. “I only have one class in the afternoon tomorrow.” He sighed. ”As for my non-existent girlfriend, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.” He laughed. “What made you think I had a girlfriend?”

Your cheeks were turning bright pink as you took your spot back on the chaise lounger. “Uhm… I guess someone told me about your crush on Seulgi…”

“Kyla.” Jin sighed and pressed his palm into his forehead, eventually brushing his hair away.

Thump. Thump.

“Wow, you figured that one out pretty quick.” You joked lightly. Jin chuckled, “Yeah. Because she’s the only one that found out.” Slowly, the humor faded from his face. And all that was left behind was worry and maybe a sense of guilt.

“Did she…” He cleared his throat. “I mean. Is that all she said?” Too embarrassed to look him in the eye, you focused your gaze on your fidgeting hands. “Ah. She said she thought you two were probably… Well, ya know.”

“Right.” Jin sighed loudly. “And she might’ve mentioned something about Seulgi’s boyfriend…”

He groaned and leaned back into the brick wall. Rubbing a hand down his tired face, “It’s not what you think.” He mumbled into his palm. He shut his eyes. His face scrunched up like he was in pain, but he wanted to tell you.

“I’d already been working there for like… I don’t know. Almost two years, maybe? Seulgi and I would kind of flirt with each other once in awhile, and it didn’t take long for me to develop a crush on her. But she’s my manager, right?”

You nodded in agreement. “I really, really liked her. But I never thought anything would come about until one day, I was ready to go on lunch, and I could hear someone whimpering in the back offices.” He explained softly. You pulled the blanket back up to your chin, and continued watching him with puffy eyes.

“Turns out it was her. I went back there to see what was wrong; maybe comfort her if she needed it. She told me she’d broke things off with her boyfriend a couple days before, and she’d never get back with him -- Ya know, relationship drama.”

“Yeah.”

“And…” Jin’s lips stretched into a shy smile. His cheeks were turning fifty shades of red, and he had no choice but to look away. “I don’t know… I guess in a heat of the moment thing, she kissed me.” He gulped. “I felt bad. Disgusting. It was weird because I didn’t want her to feel like I was taking advantage of her, but she insisted she was the one kissing me. Because she wanted me.” His voice grew weaker. You could tell by the emotion in his face. In his voice, that this was still something that was hurting him.

“She kept telling me she wanted me. That she had wanted me for a long time, and she asked if I wanted her, too. And of course I wanted her; I’d been dreaming of this moment.” He tugged his fingers through his bangs again. One finger got caught on a knot, but he pulled it through.

“It just felt… Off. That that had to be where we started, and it should’ve been a red flag. I should’ve stopped her, but I didn’t.” He chastised himself. “After that, we started seeing each other outside of work. That’s something she was super strict about, and I could never really figure out why: We couldn’t let anybody know. What we were doing was just between us.”

“Eventually I came to the conclusion it was because of the weird power imbalance or whatever, but…” He cleared his throat. “I kept seeing her. For seven months, we had this back and forth and it felt good. It felt wonderful being wanted by someone… Being in love with someone…”

Hearing him admit to being in love with her stung pretty bad for some reason, but you didn’t let it show. Scooting closer, you took one of his hands in both of yours. He finally looked over at you, giving you a small smile. He clamped his hand gently around yours.

“She would talk to me sometimes about her ex, but she’d never mention him by name. Never said anything that would hint at them getting back together; she only ever complained about what was wrong with their relationship, and I was happy to lend an ear.”

“But I think at some point, I started getting too bold. I was flirting with her at work again; even more so than what we were used to. I’d joke around and try to play with her. I think that’s when she started to pull away.” His voice cracked. “Then one morning… She just snapped at me.”

“During the morning huddle…” You finished for him. “Irene filled me in on that much.” You added, recalling what her and Kyla told you on your first day.

So even the other managers didn’t know what was going on.

Jin nodded. “I was humiliated because she usually enjoyed my jokes, but it was like everything had come to a halt. That afternoon before I left, she pulled me into her office…” He took a deep, shaky breath.

“She told me she hadn’t been honest with me. That her and her ex had one of those on again; off again relationships. And she was getting back together wit him.” He continued. “Because despite everything, he was the one she’s in love with. Is in love with.”

Jin stopped to take another deep breath. It’d been so long since he talked about this, but never in this much detail. He hadn’t realized it would be this difficult. “She thought this time, it was really over because she’d caught him with his ex after they’d broken up last. And she thought she wanted to move on, but…” He shrugged. “She also wanted to make it work.”

You frowned and leaned your head against his shoulder. He leaned his head on top of yours. “I’m so sorry, Jin. I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been for you.” You whispered, but he just shrugged again.

“So are they back together now?” Jin nodded. “Yeah. Her and Namjoon--”

“It’s Namjoon!?”

He nodded again. “That’s why she wanted to be discreet at work.” He smirked. “Please don’t tell anybody I told you. Our coworkers aren’t supposed to know.”

You furiously shook your head, making a zipping motion over your lips, and even though it was enough to make Jin smile, he still looked so tired. So exhausted. It was like retelling that story had aged him ten years. To Jin, it surely felt that way, too.

“Did… Did you ever tell him?”

Another nod of confirmation. “I had to. I couldn’t handle the guilt.” He sighed. “He listened to me, and I think he understood that I genuinely had no idea they were a couple. He was still angry, though. Shoved me out the door.” A humorless chuckle escaped his lips.

“Namjoon’s never been a violent guy, but I’m positive he wanted to his me that night. It was just a fucked situation all around.” He scoffed. “We went out to lunch a week later, and he apologized, and so did I. Again. and he told me this was something pretty normal for them -- That they’ll break up and get back together, and they’ve cheated on each other and all this other stuff.”

You immediately looked up at him in shock. Safe to say, his look matched yours pretty closely.

“Jesus.” You breathed. “Have they ever heard of couples therapy?” He laughed, “I know right?!”

The two of you shared a knowing smile, but the mood turned somber once again. “But anyway… He said that breakup was really bad for them for so many reasons. I didn’t want him to go into detail about it; I got the idea. But I swore I’d never get involved again because… I mean, I don’t want to. If I would’ve known they were a thing, I never would’ve gotten involved in the first place.”

Your lips downturned into a small pout. So that’s how it happened. He’s not a homewrecker or a playboy. He got caught up in something he knew nothing about. You couldn’t blame him for that.

You leaned into him again. His bicep felt surprisingly warm against your cheek. His head was resting on top of yours once more. “I’m really sorry that happened to you.” You muttered softly. Jin smiled, “It’s been a long time. I’m over it now.”

“But not over it enough to join the morning huddles anymore?” You snorted. Although you regretted it seconds later.

“I’m sorry, that didn’t--” “No, you’re right!” He laughed. “Ah. I think it’s just the humiliation. If Seulgi’s in the morning huddle, then I’ll skip it. Reminds me too much of how I felt that one time.”

“I understand.”

Your gazed panned over to the open drinks sitting on the nightstand. Right beside each other just like you and Jin, and you frowned. You couldn’t help but wonder if Jin had opened up like this to anyone else. If he’d shared moments like this with Seulgi.

He still misses her.

You could feel yourself sinking into these negative thoughts until you felt a raindrop on the tip of your nose. Then another on your cheek. And another. Until eventually, a few sparse raindrops turned into a light drizzle. That’s when you and Jin decided to turn in for the night.

You were folding the quilt when Jin spoke up. “I’m gonna go grab some spare sheets for myself. Would you like something more comfortable to sleep in?”

You made a face at him. “Spare sheets?”

Jin nodded. “You should take the bed; I don’t mind.” He smiled softly. He turned to head upstairs, but you grabbed his wrist, stopping him suddenly. “Actually…” You interjected in a shy tone.

You turned your face away from him. For a grown woman, you were making an awfully big deal over such an inconsequential question.

“I was wondering… Do you mind sleeping with me?” You were met with silence. Not because your question weirded him out, but because you surprised him.

“I promise I’m not going to do anything weird--” “Isn’t that supposed to be my line?” Jin laughed.

You quickly pulled your hand away. “If you don’t feel comfortable, I understand. I just… I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

The heat was quickly returning to his cheeks. Thoughts of you half-naked laying beside him plagued his mind, but he quickly put those thoughts to rest. He reached out to take hold of your hand again.

“I understand.”

He led you up the familiar stairwell, not saying another word. After changing into the clothes he offered you -- And maybe staring at yourself in those clothes for just a little too long -- You finally returned to his room and crawled into bed with him.

You took the side closest to the window while he lay closest to the door. Facing each other, you shoved your hands under the pillow and gave him a small smile. “Well. Goodnight.”

He smiled, shutting his eyes first.

“Goodnight, (Y/n).”

Although hesitant, you followed suit. What you’d forgotten to mention; what you’d hoped would be fixed by having a warm body beside you, were the sleepless nights you’d been experiencing from day one. It took hours of laying there, just waiting for something to happen. Waiting for the intrusive thoughts to fade away. Hours of being on your phone and willing yourself not to look back at old conversations. Anything that would be a distraction to you. Anything that would eventually put you to sleep.

He’s already fallen out of love with you.

What if he has another woman at the house?

Your house…

It’s still your home just as much as it is his. There’s probably another woman laying on your side of the bed right now. Just like you’re laying here with Jin.

You’re no better than he is.

You opened your eyes again as if that would somehow reset your mind. You were surprised though, to find Jin there, watching you.

“What?” You whispered.

“You were making a lot of facial expressions.”

You blushed, shoving your cheek against the pillow. You’ve never been good at hiding how you felt.

“Are you okay?” You asked him, but he furrowed his brows at you.

“Are you okay?” He parroted your question. You shrugged. “As okay as I can be.”

Your eyes shifted down to the sheets. Gently you began scratching your fingernail against the bed, focusing anywhere else so you wouldn’t breakdown again. Judging by the tightness in your throat and behind your eyes, you had a feeling this facade wouldn’t last long.

“Is there anything I can do?” Jin frowned.

After a beat of silence, you finally spoke.

“Will you hold me?”

Immediately, Jin scooted closer and pulled you into his chest. Wrapping one arm around your waist while the other wrapped around your shoulders. “It’s okay.” He whispered into your hair. It felt like you were sucking cold air into your lungs when the sobs finally broke through again. You grasped onto the front of his shirt, feeling pathetic. Why were you crying over someone so selfish? More importantly, why were you crying to one of your coworkers?

Everything Touru said. Not just him calling off the engagement, but from every argument that consequently led up to this. Every mistake you made that pushed him away.

“You’d tell me if you were unhappy, wouldn’t you?”

“I tell you everything, don’t I?”

What a load of shit that turned out to be. How could you not see this coming? Your first sign should’ve been that night he said he didn’t trust you. That should’ve been the first sign things needed to change, but they didn’t.

You didn’t change anything, and now look at where you’re at.

Another sob broke through your chapped lips, causing pain in your chest. “I can’t do anything right, Jin.” You whimpered.

“What are you talking about? You do plenty of things right.” He responded softly, looking down at you. You kept your head buried in his chest, disagreeing with him.

“Hey,” He whispered, stroking the back of your head. You looked up with tears glistening in the moonlight. “You’re doing everything right by just being you, and doing what makes you happy.” He reassured you as he thumbed your tears away. “If he can’t support you, then he doesn’t deserve you. Hell, if he can make you cry like this, then he really doesn’t deserve you.”

A new wave of sadness overcame you and you were shoving your face right back into his chest. “I know you’re right.” You hiccupped. “It just hurts, you know? Realizing it.”

Your speech was broken up between sobs and stuttering between heavy breaths. It killed Jin to see you like this. Seeing the way Touru could tear you apart as easily as he did.

“I know.” He responded, holding you tighter and kissing the top of your head. He lay there quietly, stroking your hair and gently kneading his fingers into your waist while you continued to cry. He wished there was more that he could do. Anything to ease some of your pain, but this was all he could offer.

Ater a minute or so, your crying had subsided. Jin couldn’t tell if you’d fallen asleep or not, but he figured it was worth giving this a try.

“What does a loaf of bread say to his girlfriend before breaking up with her?” The room was silent for a moment, give or take the occasional sniffle.

“You deserve butter.”

At first you didn’t react, and Jin thought you really did fall asleep. Then you pulled away with furrowed brows and a look like he’d just insulted your mother.

“Wh-what?”

He smiled at you. From this angle, you could see his defined double chin. “Sorry. That one was a little crumby, wasn’t it?”

Soon your lips were upturned into a smirk. You let out something between a giggle and a snort. “Jin. Stop it.”

“Wait, wait.” He was giggling to himself before he could even get the next one out. “What did the toast say to the psychic?”

You watched in amusement as he tried not to burst at the seam. “You bread my mind!” He howled with laughter. He was already pulling you back into him so he could laugh into your hair. “What the hell, Jin! That’s so lame!”

“But you’re laughing too!” “I’m only laughing because  you’re laughing!” You argued, clearly laughing along with him. “I’m still sad!”

“Hey.” His giggles came to a halt, and he was pulling away to look you in the eye again.

“What?” You smiled.

“What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?” “Jin, I swear--”

“They tend to get stale!” He squealed. Even in the moonlight, you could see just how pink his cheeks were. The way his eyes creased up before laughing into your hair again.

Seulgi was a fool to give him up.

You playfully smacked at his chest. “What is up with you and bread tonight?” He shook his head. “I dunno; must’ve been something in the beer--”

“Oh my god, shut up!” You laughed, quickly wrapping your arms around his waist so you could hold him too.

Jin watched on in awe at the way you were still giggling at his antics. The way he could feel your arms around him. He knew he was in trouble, but he decided he would put those feelings on the backburner. Kick that can on down the road, if you will. That’s a problem for future Jin to deal with.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked as he rubbed the pad of his thumb over your tears once again. Your gaze waivered a bit. Flickering back and forth between his eyes, to his nose, his lips. Then back up again.

“Yeah, I am.” You sniffled.

“Thank you, Jin.”

[ishgard]

Nabbing up this meme + my answers from twitter to post here!

1. what's their favorite beverage - alcoholic and/or non-alcoholic?

She's pretty simple with alcohol: give her anything fruity and/or sweet and she's set, it's a bit cliche but sex on the beach has a 'special' memory attached. Same with non-alcoholic drinks really, she loves Shirley temples, fruity teas and lemonades, and super sweet coffee drinks.

2. what's their favorite flavor? (spicy, sweet, sour, etc)

Mana will eat just about anything, she's very eager to try new foods (whether she thinks she'll like them or not) - but she does ESPECIALLY love sweet foods of any kind. She's also pretty much got that crazy anime, Usagi/Goku kind of appetite/stomach going on.

3. what's their favorite food?

She has such a deep love for food in general it's hard to nail one thing down. Some honorable mentions would be souffle pancakes, and just about any sweet apple baked good, crepes, fresh fruits, and mochi. (...I swear she does love foods other than sweets, like big juicy burgers and pizza.)

4. breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks - which do they look forward to the most?

All of the above. She LOVES a good breakfast spread though, (missing from #3: breakfast sandwiches!!!) and dessert (obvious by now, surely) places pretty high.

5. do they have a food or flavor they absolutely hate?

For a while she really disliked apple-based foods because she ate a LOT of them as a kid, but she's come back around to loving them. Otherwise, not the biggest fan of avocado (mostly a texture thing) or cottage cheese, and celery can only be in soup/stew or covered in peanut butter and raisins.

6. can they tolerate spicy food?

She doesn't have a very HIGH tolerance, but she does enjoy food that has some kick to it. But not a fan of say, spicy food SOLELY for the sake of spiciness, she's not just drenching her food in hot sauce for the thrill of it, but wants it to be a part of a wider variety of tastes.

7. what is their favorite animal?

Rabbits! She also really likes cats, foxes, and snakes, but rabbits are a big 'personal' animal for her. (Modern AU she wears some cute-ass rabbit headphones while streaming.) As far as 'image' animal goes, it's almost a little verse dependent, or as she's been told: 'You play the part of the rabbit, but you're really quite the clever little fox.'

8. what do they wear to bed?

Anything from long shirts/nightgowns, pajama shorts+tank tops, to just her underwear or sleeping in the nude if it's really hot out. She absolutely owns (at least) one of these, too, mostly for lounging around.

9. what position do they like to sleep in?

She moves a lot in her sleep, but can typically be found starfishing or curled up in a ball. Alternatively, wrapped around one of her many pillows, or (more preferably), Belial. In the latter case, there's zero regard for temperature, even if she's hot and sweaty and miserable good luck prying her off of him.

10. are they a morning person or a night owl?

While Mana is naturally more of an early bird, she also loves the night time and stargazing, and just the solitude the night often brings, so sometimes it's all down to day-to-day moods and vibes.

11. are they a heavy sleeper or do they wake up easily?

Generally a pretty heavy sleeper, unless she's having pain or otherwise can't relax (whether anxious or excited). She can sleep through a lot when she's out though, for better or worse. (Bel usually doesn't have a hard time getting her up, though.)

12. it's a rainy day, what will they do cooped up inside all day?

........fuck around with Bel. >_> Otherwise, making treats in the kitchen, reading/writing letters, or just curled up with a book and watching the storm. ..Pretty much all of these will also end with fucking around with Bel (again) though.

If there's thunder, due to mild astraphobia, she might need to take something to help her relax, or listen to some music, but the above still applies for want of distractions.

13. do they have a favorite scent or smell?

Fresh baked goods, Belial, coffee, the smell of freshly warmed milk with cinnamon and honey.

14. what do they smell like? do they wear perfume or cologne?

If she hasn't been out fighting/traveling (thus smelling like the outdoors, campfire, flowers, sweat), she's likely to smell like something sweet; cinnamon, honey, or just whatever she's recently cooked. There's almost always a sweet apple-y smell around her no matter what.

15. baths or showers?

Baths! Long, luxurious, bubble-filled baths that ease all the aches and tensions. Bath time is relax and unwind time, a sacred art complete with bath salts, bath bombs, or maybe candlelit with some snacks and wine, or a good fruit juice.

16. how good are they at cooking?

Very good! She loves to cook and bake, both for herself and especially for others, and enjoys trying out new recipes and techniques. It started out of necessity, cooking for herself and her brother, but she really grew to enjoy it seeing the way he'd light up, and also cuz she just loves to eat. Preparing holiday goodies for occasions like Valentines and White Day are favorite festivities of hers, and in modern au she works at a bakery.

17. what's their favorite time of the year and why?

While she enjoys all of the seasons for different reasons, she probably enjoys spring and summer the most. She likes being outside, enjoying the air, and especially loves going to the beach.

18. do they have a favorite holiday?

Halloween and Christmas (and their varying fantasy equivalents) for sure. Halloween is perfect for her, between her sweet tooth and love of mischief-making. Meanwhile for Christmas she typically goes all out preparing seasonal foods and gifts for friends.

19. do they prefer buying ore receiving gifts?

She wouldn't be ashamed to say both. 'Who doesn't love receiving gifts?' after all, though she can get a little flustered if it starts to edge towards spoiling her. Her gift-giving can range from 'very good', choosing the perfect gift for the individual, to... outlandishly questionable (or at least humorous) - though, no less thoughtful, necessarily.

20. how tall are they, and how do they feel about their height?

She stands around 5'2", and typically doesn't think much of her height or 'lack thereof'. Except, say, when she's trying to get something off of the highest shelves and cupboards, though that usually just means she gets to climb on the counters.

[jaskiers-sweetkiss]

Sunset Swerve - Part 8

Pairing: Luke x OC

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: some light swearing

A/N: For some reason I really want to say ‘We’re in the endgame now” about this chapter but its not true? We’re in like the mid-game lol. Anyway, shoutout to @meangirlsx who unknowingly inspired some of the dialog between Luke and Jordan in this chapter with her tags on a previous chapter. Send me a message if you’d like to be added to the taglist and, as always, let me know what you think!

Part 7  Masterlist

___

When they arrived back in the studio, they had not expected it to be filled with music.

Julie grinned at them from behind her keyboard and everyone else stopped playing at their arrival.

“Grab your guitars, we’ve got work to do.” Even without saying it, it was obvious that the girl had forgiven Luke and Jordan wondered what Alex and Reggie had said to her.

Jordan did as she said, heading to her stand and slinging the strap of her electric across her body while Luke headed straight toward Julie.

“What made you come back?” He asked the question Jordan had been wondering herself.

“I realized how much music meant to all of us, and we’ve lost so much already.” The way Julie said it made it seem like she knew more than Jordan would’ve expected and she wondered again what the boys had told her. “We can’t lose this too.”

“Thanks,” Luke nodded thoughtfully, slipping the strap of his guitar across his body. “Alright boss, where we at?”

Julie smiled, settling into her place at the keyboard before leaning forward again. “Oh, and by the way, happy birthday.”

The genuine smile that drew from Luke sent a pang through her chest and she frowned, wondering if it was another one of those jolts. However, as she looked around she noticed none of the boys felt it. Oh hell, she cursed herself silently. She was so lost in her thoughts that she nearly missed Julie’s instructions to start at the pre-chorus.

Jordan was grateful for the distraction of the music, all her focus going into singing and playing, no room for stupid thoughts about stupid boys. Practice ended too quickly for Jordan’s taste but she knew realistically that Julie needed time to get ready and travel to the venue while they could just poof around. She just needed Luke to do something stupid so that she could remember why she hated him because her stupid smooth brain (Julie taught her that) had forgotten it.

Instead, he turned and directed his dopey smile at her and she swore she nearly swooned.

“We are gonna rock those managers’ faces off!” He exclaimed as they put their instruments away.

Jordan grinned back at him, silently blaming it on the rush of playing well and having a performance soon. She was always more agreeable around music. Out of the corner of her eye though she thought she saw Reggie and Alex share a knowing look and she glared at them suspiciously.

“Yeah man, it’s gonna be awesome,” Alex responded to Luke and the rest of the ghosts nodded in agreement as they shuffled around the studio getting ready for the performance.

Jordan decided to keep the outfit she’d been wearing all day, fishnets and her old black Madonna t-shirt under a pair of overall shorts and her Docs. With her outfit and hair already taken care of thanks to Past Jordan, she was just left to slap on some makeup, thankful that she hadn’t done it before she’d spent the afternoon crying. Luke sat down on the couch next to her, watching curiously as she worked.

“Do you mind?” She asked, looking away from the small mirror Julie had lent her to stare blankly at the boy.

“Nope!” He responded cheekily and she groaned, turning back to her mirror and her eyeliner.

She’d finally managed to get the wings down again, making only one mistake this time, so the process went by fairly quickly.

“Do you need me to do yours?” She deadpanned, turning to stare at Luke who was still watching her.

“Nah,” he breathed, smiling cheekily at her as he flipped his imaginary hair over his shoulder. “I’m naturally gorgeous, I don’t need makeup.”

Jordan gasped.

“Asshole!” She exclaimed, smacking his shoulder but laughing anyway. “You’re lucky it’s your birthday or it would be on sight for that.”

“‘On sight’?” Luke asked, puzzled.

“Some twenty-first-century lingo Julie taught me,” Jordan explained superiorly. “Basically means I’d fight you as soon as I saw you.”

Luke nodded lightly, eyes going wide at the threat but slowly a mischievous look began to take over his face.

“Hey Alex, Reg, who would win in a fight? Me or Jordan?” Luke called out and Jordan rolled her eyes, putting away her makeup stash.

“Jordan,” they both answered at the same time and Jordan laughed, giving them both high fives as she returned her makeup to her designated cubby in the back of the studio (they’d had to create an official organization system because the boys tended to just take anything they found and claim it as their own).

Luke pouted, sitting on the couch with his arms crossed like a petulant child as he glared at his bandmates.

“Sorry, man,” Alex shrugged, “Have you seen her boots? She’d absolutely curb stomp you without a second thought.”

Reggie nodded and Luke huffed, standing up from the couch and making his way to the door.

“You guys are mean,” he whined. “I’m gonna tell Julie.”

He’d meant it to be a threat but the other three ghosts weren’t fulling listening, only hearing Julie’s name.

“Oooh, I wanna see Julie!” Reggie exclaimed and Alex and Jordan responded with a chorus of ‘Me too!’s and ’Same!’s as they began clamoring around the furniture in the studio in a race to the door.

Luke rolled his eyes, grumbling under his breath as he followed after them.

When they arrived at Julie’s door, Reggie held his arms out dramatically, effectively halting the movement of the three ghosts behind him. Once he felt sure they weren’t just going to barge in he stuck his arm through the door, knocking three times while the other ghosts rolled their eyes or laughed.

“What are you guys doing?” They heard Julie ask through the door and Reggie stuck his whole torso through.

“We’re being classy,” Jordan snorted at that and Luke huffed, pulling Reggie back through by his belt loops.

With Reggie out of the way, Luke stepped through the door but at the sight of the girl sitting on her bed, all thoughts of tattling left his mind.

“What’re you doing? We go on in twenty minutes,” he asked as the rest of the ghosts stepped through.

Julie was sitting on the bed doodling on her mic, still in her clothes from earlier.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”

“I lied to my dad,” Julie explained forlornly, “So now I’m stuck in my room all night.”

“Yeah but like, the venue is packed with VIPs and managers,” Alex protested and Joran hit his arm.

“She’s grounded, the presence of VIPs and managers isn’t going to change that,” she huffed and Julie gave her a tight-lipped smile.

“What’re we gonna do about my aunt? She’s right downstairs.”

“Your aunt,” Luke repeated, chuckling as he crossed the room, throwing open her bedroom window. “You’re not taking the stairs.”

Jordan opened her mouth to defend the girl, never having been as big a fan of going around her parents’ backs as the guys had been, but before she could say anything Julie grinned at the group of ghosts.

“Okay. Let me get dressed, I’ll meet you guys there,” she said and the guys all grinned while Jordan looked at her nervously.

“Are you sure, Julie?” She asked warily and Luke whacked her arm with the back of his hand.

“Moss, don’t change her mind!” He hissed and Julie laughed.

“Thanks for the concern Jo,” she said, giving the girl a kind smile and Jordan felt her heart warm at the new nickname. “But it’s fine. We have managers to impress.”

She nodded and the ghosts prepared to poof out to the venue when Jordan stopped them again.

“Wait!”

“What now, Moss?” Luke groaned.

“I wanna grab my flannel.”

“Why?”

“It’s chilly.”

“You’re a ghost you can’t-“

“Shut up.” She said, ending their back and forth by poofing into the studio and grabbing one of her flannels from her cubby.

When she poofed back to Julie’s room the boys were gone and Julie was sifting through the trunk in her room.

“The guys went ahead to the venue,” Julie explained and Jordan nodded.

“Alright, I’ll see you there then,” Jordan nodded. “By the way, that vest is super cool.”

Julie smiled in thanks before Jordan poofed away to meet the guys at the venue.

___

The announcer had just called Dirty Candy to the stage when Julie arrived.

“Am I too late?” She asked, slightly out of breath.

“Too early,” Flynn huffed, gesturing up to where Carrie was taking the stage.

Jordan couldn’t figure out how she felt about Dirty Candy. On one hand, Carrie was the spawn of a fraud who she’d always hated and Carrie was mean to Julie and Flynn but on the other hand, the group was really talented and she loved their sound. She supposed it was like her feelings towards Sunset Curve, she loved the music but hated the musicians.

“Wait, did she just make a big show of putting on sunglasses just to throw them away in the first verse?” Jordan laughed, furrowing her brow in confusion at the choreography.

“Shhhh,” Alex hushed her, staring enthralled at the performance.

Before they knew what was happening he was on the stage, dancing with the group.

Jordan whooped excitedly, cheering him on while the rest of the group exchanged looks of surprise.

“You having fun out there?” Julie questioned when Alex poofed back to the group.

“It’s not my fault. It’s my, um… it’s my feet.” Alex gulped.

“Yeah,” Julie said, clearly not believing.

“Put me back in coach,” Alex breathed, poofing back to the stage.

“Why have we been keeping him behind the drums?” Jordan joked as they watched him dance out the rest of the song. “He’s got moves.”

Reggie nodded enthusiastically in agreement, their eyes never leaving the stage.

“I was just doing that for you guys,” Alex said when he returned and everyone expressed varying forms of disbelief.

“Mhmm,” Julie hummed while Luke and Jordan rolled their eyes.

“Yeah, you can’t stop smiling now,” Reggie smirked knowingly and Alex blushed.

“That was, actually kinda good,” Julie admitted, looking as though she’d rather cut her tongue off than admit it. Jordan knew what that was like.

“Yeah, I forgot why I hate her so much,” Flynn agreed.

“Hi girls,” Carrie said in her overly-perky voice as she made her way over with her entourage in tow. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

“Now I remember,” Flynn pursed her lips, glaring at Carrie and Jordan snorted.

“If you’re looking for nick, he didn’t come,” Carrie addressed Julie coldly.

“That’s not why I’m here,” Julie scoffed, squaring up to the pink-haired girl.

“Okay, we have one more act tonight,” The announcer called, reading off the list on stage. “Julie and the Fat Ones?”

Dirty Candy snickered while the rest of them turned to glare at Luke.

“Yeah man, my handwriting sucks,” he admitted and Julie shook her head, making her way onto the stage while Carrie and her group stomped off.

“Hey. It’s actually Julie and the Phantoms,” Julie greeted the audience, quickly realizing they didn’t seem to care. “Okay.”

Jordan rocked back and forth on her heels excitedly as Julie placed her hands on the keyboard, beginning the song.

“Hearts on fire. We’re no liars, so we say what we wanna say,” she sang, the apathetic audience starting to pay attention. “I’m awakened, no more faking. So we push all our fears away.”

“Don’t know if I’ll make it cause I’m falling under. Close my eyes and feel my chest beating like thunder.”

Jordan took a deep breath, steadying herself as their time to join in approached. She reached out, grabbing Alex and Reggie’s hands on either side of her repeating the small ritual Apollo 81 had always done before going on stage.

“I wanna fly, come alive, watch me shine,” As Julie sang the refrain Jordan squeezed the boys’ hands comfortingly, letting go just in time for them to poof onstage.

“I got a spark in me. Hands up if you can see and you’re apart of me. Hands up if you’re with me,” Luke joined Julie for the chorus as she made her way out from the piano to center stage. Jordan immediately made her way over to Reggie, the two ghosts rocking out together in front of Alex’s drum set. The mood in the venue had become electric, everyone’s interests piqued by their sudden appearance. “Now till eternity. Hands up if you believe. Been so long and now we’re finally free.”

Luke joined her and Reggie on Alex’s platform, giving Julie the stage as she sang the second verse. As arranged, Jordan hopped down, joining Julie for the pre-chorus.

“We know we can make it, we’re not falling down under,” they sang together, Jordan taking the lower harmonies. They’d bonded a lot after the dance, they could see it in each other’s smiles. It felt good to be performing together. “Close my eyes and feel my chest beating like thunder.”

“I wanna fly, come alive,” Jordan started the refrain with her before backing off to give her the final line. Rejoining Luke and Reggie in the back. “Watch me shine.”

The three guitarists jumped down from the platform as the chorus hit, Luke immediately taking up the mic next to Julie as he joined her in the chorus again, Reggie and Jordan singing the background vocals on either side of them and Alex in the back. At one point in the chorus, Reggie made his way over to Jordan’s mic, the two singing together briefly before he bounced over to Luke, finally returning to his own mic as they hit the bridge.

Luke and Julie took up center stage as they shared a mic, singing through the call and response bridge. The two had obvious chemistry and as Jordan watched she felt a pit forming in her stomach. She passed it off as just nerves, she was about to pick up the chorus after all, and exchanged smiles with Alex and Reggie, the two boys calming her down.

The crowd roared as they hit the chorus for the final time, Reggie and Jordan leaning into their mics as they joined the chorus.

“I got a spark in me. Hands up if you can see, and you’re a part of me. Hands up if you’re with me…” They sang through the chorus, Jordan taking up Julie’s part so that she could riff off the vocals. They’d decided the final run-through of the chorus was the perfect place to really show off Julie’s pipes.

As the song wound down, the three guitarists backed off again, leaving Julie to sing the last “Finally free” on her own.

The crowd erupted into cheers when the song ended. Jordan sung her guitar to the side as they all took a bow, the four ghosts disappearing. They reappeared at the back of the venue, sitting on the countertop of the bar and giving Julie huge thumbs-ups as she finished out their performance.

“Thank you. We’re Julie and the Phantoms,” she said into the mic, soaking up the applause before adding with a wink to her ghost band, “Tell your friends.”

The four phantoms nearly lost their minds at that, all of them whacking each other’s limbs as they yelled excitedly. They were only starting to calm down when Julie bounded over to where they were sitting behind Flynn, giving her best friend a hug before grinning at the ghosts.

“You were incredible!” Flynn gushed to her friend.

“Yeah, we were!” Reggie exclaimed and Julie rolled her eyes slightly with a grin.

Just when Jordan thought the night couldn’t get any better, a woman in a power suit started making her way over to them, gracefully dodging Dirty Candy on her way.

“She looks all business,” Alex whispered and Jordan nodded.

“Wait! Who should do the talking?” Reggie panicked before looking around at the group, all of them giving him looks that said ‘really?’ “Oh, right, Julie.” He nodded.

“You’ve got this,” Luke whispered as the woman approached, sticking out her hand in introduction.

“Hi I’m Andi Parker and I would love to-“ she began but was cut off.

“Julie,” Ray called sternly from behind and everyone’s eyes widened.

“It’s time to go.” He said and Julie gulped, dropping Andi’s hand.

Oh shit.

Part 9

___

JATP Taglist: @meangirlsx

Sunset Swerve Taglist: @oopsiedoopsie23 @angryknightstatesmantrash @onlygetaway @deni-gonzalez @advicefromnixxxx @brooke0297 

[olivia-ivy]

what were Remus and Virgil doing during the last episode?

AO3 | Ko-Fi

Virgil was sitting in the center of his room. Not his bed (or the couch, rather, as Thomas was standing in his living room), that was too bouncy, moved too easily, wasn’t stable enough. Not good for his plan of curling into a ball and not moving until the world ends, and maybe not even then.

He was exhausted from the wedding. All those people, all that social interaction ... okay, sure, there wasn’t a lot of social interaction (almost none from the bride and groom, in fact) considering Thomas just sat on his phone the whole time, but still! There were a lot of people there and Virgil didn’t like it. Of course there would have been less people at the callback ...

And that thought only made Virgil sink further into his anxiety-ball form, hugging his knees closer and tucking his head in further. He couldn’t remember if he started rocking in place before or after he started crying, but that’s where he was when he heard a soft pop and smelled Axe body spray — and lots of it.

“SO,” Remus said settling next to Virgil’s huddled form, his extravagant outfit rustling loudly, “it turns out all the video games they’re gonna reference are rated E for Everyone. Lame.” 

Virgil squeezed his eyes shut, more tears leaking out. He bit his lip to keep his whimpers in and willed himself to stop shaking, which didn’t do a whole lot. Remus was quiet, which is never a good sign (but neither is him not being quiet so who really knows).

“... Is it a Bad Day?” Remus asked, a touch softer than his regular volume, and Virgil’s heart seized. Back before Thomas was aware of any of them, the Others would help Virgil on his Bad Days. It usually had varying degrees of success, but it was better than nothing. He hadn’t told any of the Light Sides about it. He didn’t want it to get back to Thomas that he used to be on the other side of things — of course that ship officially sailed. And sunk. Worse than the Titanic. “Is it a no talky day?” Remus continued.

Virgil didn’t move for a long time. They had a whole system worked out before Virgil left, before Janus kicked him out, before the Others figured out something was wrong with Virgil Before. For days when he didn’t want to talk, didn’t want anyone around him. He still remembers all of those signals. He knows that if he just holds up a closed fist, Remus leave him alone.

He slowly releases one hand’s grip on his legs (ow his fingers are stiff. How long has he been in that position?) and raised one finger. Their old signal for yes. 

Remus hummed. “Well that works for me. I have an idea for a nightmare I’m working on, so I’m gonna use you as a soundboard. So it starts with Thomas falling into an abyss, usual stuff right? But then he lands in the middle of that horror movie he saw when he was twelve that scarred him for life, you remember that? Of course you do, you’re the one in charge of the Deep-Seated Issue part of the brain.”

And on and on Remus continued, talking about first his nightmare idea then whatever random thought drifted into his brain. Even though the content of his rambling was often violent, disturbing, or both, just having another voice in the room to listen to, to drown out the static in Virgil’s brain and the loud voices coming from upstairs (it sounded like Roman, Patton, and Thomas were fighting) was helping.

At one point, there was a soft pop and the room smelled faintly like a nail salon. Virgil turned his head, still huddled in his Virgil-ball, and saw various nail polishes spread out before Remus. He had acrylic nails on (did he have those when he came in?) and had a bottle of nail polish remover at his lips. “Y’know, the liquid is blue, but it tastes green.” Remus said matter-of-factly.

“Dirt tastes red.” Remus had said once when they were younger when things were easier.

Virgil frowned. “But you said Janus’s pancakes taste red. Do his pancakes taste like dirt?”

“No, that’s a different red,” Remus said like that made all the sense in the world.

“Okay, but what does red taste like?” Virgil asked, still thoroughly confused by the conversation taking place.

“Like pancakes and dirt!” Remus cackled.

Present-day Remus shrugged, took another swig, and screwed the cap back on the bottle of nail polish remover. He picked up a bottle of black nail polish and beat it against the palm of his hand. “Gimme your hand,” Remus said, but made no move to grab it. Virgil mentally checked himself on how he was feeling about touch. Twenty minutes ago, it would have been a hard no. Now, however, he limply offered his left hand to the other Side and reburied his head in the Virgil-ball. 

He felt the cold varnish spread over his fingernails. He was vaguely concerned over what Remus was going to put on his nails, but he knew Remus was too proud of his creations to make a mess (unintentionally, that is. Intentional messes were still a possibility). Plus his nails were always chewed down to the quick, so there wasn’t exactly a large canvas for him to work with.

Remus was just finishing his other hand (“Don’t immediately put it back in the Virgil-ball,” Remus lightly threatened when he finished the first hand and placed it on the carpet next to him. “No smudging my masterpiece.”) when they heard it. Deceit’s tune, coming from upstairs, sounding like it had some kind of retro game filter over it. Virgil tensed (but didn’t move his hands) and Remus snapped his fingers and turned on the TV. The music came through the speakers, louder and more clear. Remus was quiet for a moment (again, not a great sign) then muttered, “Did I drink too much nail polish remover, or is Youth Pastor Ryan a giant frog?”

Virgil peaked over his knees at the TV screen and ... no, Remus didn’t drink too much nail polish remover (well, no, he had, any amount of nail polish remover is too much to drink, but Patton was a giant frog). The others were all pixelated and looked to be standing in a broken version of Thomas’s living room. Patton and Roman were on one side, and Thomas and Janus were on the other, Janus standing protectively in front of Thomas. Virgil’s breath caught in his throat.

“Janus please, don’t do this,” Virgil pleaded. “I’m only trying to protect Thomas —”

“So am I,” Janus said, his voice frustratingly cold and collected. He was standing at the threshold between the two sides of the mindscape, holding the door open and “encouraging” Virgil to go through it.

“I can’t go over there, I’m not one of Them!”

“But you’re not exactly one of Us either, are you?” Janus said, his mismatched eyes narrowing in accusation.

Virgil laughed once, incredulous. “All this because my name is different from you guys?” He thought it was just an innocent observation Janus made. When his insomnia sentenced him to another sleepless night and he threw on his gray hoodie before heading downstairs for a two AM cup of coffee, when he got down to the kitchen and saw Janus sitting at the table looking pensive about something, when he started talking to Janus as just a thing to do, when the conversation shifted from friendly chatting to an interrogation, he had no idea it would end like this. With the man he once thought of as family kicking him out in the middle of the night.

“It’s more than that and you know it!” Janus yelled, his control slipping just slightly. He caught himself and lowered his voice (though he didn’t have to. Remus snored louder than anything and the other one’s room was the furthest from the threshold) and repeated, slowly, “It’s more than that, and you know it, Virgil.” Something like sadness flickered across his face, briefly. “Don’t make this any harder than it has to be,” he murmured.

Rage boiled in Virgil’s gut, and he exploded. “It doesn’t have to be this way! You’re the one doing this! What happened to ‘family’, huh? What happened to ‘it’s us against the world, now’?” Virgil’s voice caught in his throat and his vision blurred. “Or were those all lies, Deceit?”

Janus’s eyes hardened. He opened the door wider. 

Virgil scoffed. “Whatever,” he muttered. “Whatever.” He stomped across the threshold, jostling Janus on the way even though there was plenty of room to avoid him. He blinked harshly. That side of the mindscape was always brighter, even in the middle of the night. That’s why Virgil’s eyes watered and leaked down his cheeks, no other reason, just that.

He glared over his shoulder one last time at Janus. Was that regret in his eyes? Remorse? Whatever it may or may not have been, no words were spoken between the two as Janus closed the door, and locked it once again.

“Look, look!” Remus said, bumping against Virgil, bringing his attention back to the present. On the TV, everyone was un-pixelated and back in Thomas’s in tact living room. Deceit took off one of his gloves, and held his bare hand up flat, like a witness swearing in to testify in court.

“My name is Janus,” he said. Virgil and Remus looked at each other wide eyed. It was Janus’s idea to keep their names hidden from the others in the first place (hence why Remus blurted his out right away. Someone tells him not to do something and that’s the first thing he does).

Their shock was interrupted by the sound of Roman snorting. Virgil winced, reminded of when he revealed his own name and Roman (badly) stifling laughter at his expense. “Janice?” the prince said incredulously, laughing behind his hand. “What are you, a middle school librarian?” Remus snorted at that joke but otherwise kept quiet. Roman laughed some more then reasserted, “It’s a stupid name.”

Janus huffed in exasperation. “Oh, Roman, thank God, you don’t have a mustache,” he simpered, “otherwise, between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is!”

A bottle of nail polish remover flew threw the air and crashed into the TV, breaking the screen and stopping the scene unfolding in front of them. Any other time, Virgil would have freaked out at such a display of violence, but he was too busy staring at Remus, now standing and breathing heavily. 

Virgil knew why. Way back Before, the four of them had sat down and made a list of things never to call each other, not even in a fight. Virgil’s list was the longest. Remus’s was the shortest. It only had one thing on it, one thing that Remus never wanted to be called under any circumstances. “Re—” Virgil started, his voice croaking from how little it was used all day.

The others and Thomas didn’t know what that phrase meant to Remus, but Virgil knew. And Janus knew. Janus knew, and even though he wasn’t saying it to Remus, he still said it. 

“Whatever,” Remus muttered. He waved away his nail art supplies and put the TV back in its place, this time turned off. He whirled around and stormed out of Virgil’s room. “Whatever,” he said again before slamming the door behind him.

Virgil slowly leaned to the side and laid down on the floor (careful not to smudge his nails which, though creepy, came out very good). He laid there as Remus slammed his door. He laid there as Roman sank into his room and turned on loud music to drown out his sobs (it didn’t work). He laid there as Patton and Logan and Janus went back to their respective rooms, Thomas’s dilemma apparently solved without ever needing to call on Virgil.

Fuck. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #467

“oh, mary, mary, ain’t this fun?  /  mary, mary, i’ve got a gun”

If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? Pray to god it wasn't in public and tell him it's waaaay too soon for that one. Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, a son and daughter. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Ha, it's funny how once upon a time, I could do this. All I've got now is John Michael Osbourne. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Maybe? Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo?: Yes to both. Has a taste of something ever made you smile? Boy meet me at The Cheesecake Factory and see what my face does lmaooo As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a paleontologist sooo badly. I wanted to discover new dinosaurs, put a shitload of work into unearthing fossils and being so proud to see the final results... Even now as an adult, if I could handle the heat, traveling, and hardcore school, I'd still love to do that. Would you cuss the person you hate the most out to their face? No. My hatred for her is unjustified and I'd rather just not say anything to her. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? As one of the strongest people around. I imagine her with a job in medical coding, while also pursuing the hobbies of ball python breeding and writing. I'm sure she'll have loads of pets to love, too! Do you like Florence + The Machine? I've never listened to them. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Do you ever watch Dr. Phil? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? No; I can be attracted to any race. Have you ever ridden any animal other than a horse? No. Do you brush your hair when it’s wet? Yes. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I always have. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! At my childhood home, there was a tobacco field directly across the street, and when they weren't in season so the field was flat, Dad would help us with getting kites set up and in the air. Those are good memories. How are you for money? I don't make any money. Mom is struggling. Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? Ha, no. Do you ever think about why we are here? Does it matter? We're here, so make the most of it. Do you like cherries? I fucking hate cherries. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star, probs. Can you use a yoyo? Not well, but yeah. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Do you like folk music? NOOOOOOOOO Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Do you know any lesbians? Yep. Favourite member of your favourite band: I'm unfamiliar with all but Ozzy himself. And Ozzy is rad. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I sometimes have very, very quick spasms when I'm falling asleep that feel like what I assume a seizure would, but they barely last a second. They seriously jerk me awake, though, and are very startling. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? I dunno. Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? Not really, no. What do you hate to hear people joke about? I will actually and remorselessly deck you in the jaw if you make a joke about rape. There are other things that are absolutely forbidden joking matters for me, too. What’s the largest animal you’ve seen in the wild? Hmmm... Nothing that big, really. Maybe a whitetail deer buck? Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. We've had some savage thunderstorms. What political issues are the most important to you personally? LGBTQ+ rights and just equality in general, the pro-choice movement, environmental conservation, gun control, the abolishment of poverty and homelessness... There is honestly a lot. I could keep going. Do you know anyone who doesn’t know how to cook even just simple recipes? ... Me. :x Especially now that I'm in a relationship, I really want to make a greater effort to learn. I want to prove to him I give a damn about the success of our relationship and that I'm capable of being an adult that can take part in general adult responsibilities. ^What’s stopping them from learning this basic life skill? Laziness. Forgetfulness. The fear of getting burned. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? I can pick up on sketchy body language from a mile away. I'm too paranoid not to. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? At least from photographs I've seen, Utah appears BEAUTIFUL. That whole region of the U.S. in general. Are there any obscure foods you’ve eaten that most people have never tried? That's very unlikely. I'm far from explorative with food. When you travel to other countries, do you always try the local cuisine? I've never been outside the U.S. I would probably do that, though. I'd really want to experience the culture as thoroughly as I could. What did you do for your 19th birthday? Hell if I remember. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I remember as a young kid, my parents, two sisters, and I were getting food at McDonald's, and whoever was in front of us paid for our meals. Such a sweet gesture for a larger family. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No, but there actually is one that I can't recall the name of that I'd like to try when I cook myself, especially getting started learning, but yeah, subscription fees. You see a lot of YouTubers get sponsored by them, if that rings a bell. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? Possibly my fear of men, with my dad having been an alcoholic that had a 50/50 chance of being very angry when drunk. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty organized, I'd say. I put stuff into folders. Would you date someone with braces? Yes? Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? Only always. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself, for sure. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never even taken a cab. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Nobody, really. My cat is occasionally in the living room to see who's home, but not always because he's a lazy cat, ha ha. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Not really, no. I wish. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No, bc I'm poor. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Yeah. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want some 'cuz I'm paranoid as hell. Are you waiting on anything right now? No. Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? Oh, always. It's absolutely true. Name something you’re a complete sucker for? Baby animals, to name one thing. Do you remember when you first went on the internet? Nope. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Arrogance/over-confidence. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? Make me genuinely laugh a lot, to name one way. Are you in love right now? Not yet. I love him with our decade of history, but I need more experience as a couple before I've got the confidence to say that. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? It wouldn't be smart to. I want to be in a strong relationship for quite a few years before I want that. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No but oh my fucking god I wish!!!!!! Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom would threaten to. What was the last fruit you ate? Well, I had strawberry yogurt earlier today. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Girt. He is very, very good at that. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hell yeah man. Is there one night of your life you wish had never happened? I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Do you have a close relationship with your sibling(s)? No. What was the last thing that you shared? Some watermelon Sour Patch Kids with my mom. Do you think people talk behind your back? You couldn't get me to believe my mom doesn't at least sometimes to my sisters even if you tried your absolute damnedest. In real life do you laugh like ‘haha,’ 'hehe’ or something else? It depends on what I'm laughing at/at what intensity. Do you have any unusual skills? Nah. Who’s your favourite person? I don't have a sole favorite person. I love many people in different ways for varying reasons. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No. When did you last have an "Oh, I get it now!" moment? Watching Attack on Titan yesterday w/ Girt. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? My mom HAD to have suspected I was doing something FAR worse than innocent meerkat RP to have borderline fucking traumatized me invading my privacy and forcing shit out of me regarding what I was always doing on the computer so secretively. Like I get it, she was a concerned mother, but I was a fucking WRECK because I found it so embarrassing. It was insulting that she didn't trust her well-behaved daughter. What do you think about video games? They're great for both the creators and consumers. They're wonderful expressions of creativity, and so much fun to experience as a player, delving into a new world and getting engrossed in the story. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about what video games mean to me. I've gone my whole life as a loyal gamer. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? I really, really don't get a lot of abstract art that's worth fucking thousands, BUT, I absolutely disagree that they are without purpose. The artist created what they did for SOME reason. As a distraction, a method of expressing emotion, to convey an idea... Are you tired right now? I have been SO ridiculously tired today. Like it's unreal. I've taken I wanna say three naps and I'm still sleepy. What’s something you do a lot? Drink something. I'm not talking about alcohol; just in general, I ALWAYS need some kind of drink by me, and I go through drinks pretty quickly. Are you currently on any other websites? Yeah, I'm watching YouTube. Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent, I guess. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Yes, actually, at least by my mom, and she's right. My head tends to tilt VERY slightly to the right, and I can tell by how easy it is to bend my head that way as opposed to left. I'll feel a biiiit more strain.

[breakingbadfics]

A Change of Pace: Monster Prom. 1/2.

So I’m doing a weird review of Monster Prom, in preparation for a discussion of a relating pair of fanfictions written by SegaSister

I was gifted a copy of the game in the past month and I’d been planning to do a small essay discussing it after I was done with the pokemadhouse essay. the first hurdle to that of course is that I haven’t played Monster Prom. 

So doing a play through is necessary. Complete with stream of concious narration. 

it’s the 4th of january as I’m writing this and I have the game windowed and minimized while I write the pre-amble, and the first thing jumping out at me is that I really like the main menu music.

I have no prior experience in playing Dating Sims, closest I’ve come to one is barely started run of Kataw Shoujo from way in the old days of yore so this review may be lacking in things that one may expect to find in discussing a Dating Sim.

I started the game and was surprised to find the game has two versions of itself. a 30 minutes version, and a 60 minutes version. I opted upon the latter. as well as 4 different player characters, and the options to choose from one of three pronoun options rather than allow it to be dictated by the gender presentation of the character. 

In further preparation for the fanfiction and it subsequent ship I chose to play as Vicky Schmidt, a frankenstein’s monster homage with hopes of matching up with Polly Geist, a very cute ghost girl. 

The game presents you with 6 love interests in total..and I am suddenly in love all of them, and realise now that I have to play this game. A lot. 

The game also gives you a quiz to dictate in game stats. 

a pleasant surprise is all the swearing, and I’m not being facetious, I enjoy the weird sincerity in all the swearing. 

and so, having finished the quiz, and with 6 weeks until Prom. I begin my journey. 

I have no idea what I’m expecting here. 

I go to the library and gain money. 

My first dialogue choice comes in the form of the hipster vampire and the demon boy (Damien, because you have to make this reference.) have discovered I made erotic fanart of them. Which does present some present an ethical problem but clearly Damien has suppresed desires. 

He did respond well to my honesty. 

The writers can at least be said to be aware that it’s slightly concerning to make fanart of real life people. 

It is now that I realise. Liam and Polly are wearing chirstmas outfits, which means this game changes the art assets to match the holiday season. So the game gets bonuses for that. 

The character design in this game is wonderful, I have yet to meat anyone I don’t love looking at. 

How  do you host a school with members of the undead, and not realise they don’t eat?

and there you go. 

I kind of wanna date them both. 

I then proceed to dump a whold bunch of food into Liam’s plate, and then go get high with Polly. Not a bad day. 

Three weeks left to monster prom. 

So far the writing has a very silly, and self aware genre aware enjoyment of itself. I can already tell I’ll be playing this more than once. 

lunch time I go to sit with poly and vera (the resident gorgon)

and a man is paying them to eat food. 

I feel like I should be concerned. 

I feel afraid of just how much fanart of this might exist. 

Rave time

I encouraged Polly to try a date and under my advice she murdered a man by depriving him of food and water for 82 hours as they stared lovingly into each other eyes.  

I worry I may have created a lovely serial killer 

at lunch time I am quick to discover that Polly and Damien are having a comparison of their booze flasks. I am deeply shocked at all the alcohol that Poly has. and yet not that she managed to smuggle what amounts to a small bar shelf into a high school. 

This is what you sign up for when you attend monster high school I suppose. 

Damien has radioactive Absinthe, and I am feeling painfully woooed. 

I have chosen to drink a whole ass genie. because I am hardcore. 

Ha! it was a ruse. For I am not especially good at alcohol, but Damien being a literal hellspawn has no idea what water tastes like, and thus I win. 

Paella. it’s a spanish food dish. 

Also I’ve goofed up twice now on interactions with Polly. 

This school has everything except a varied series of gym activities. 

Damien and Polly have violated canadian law. And I am concerned. 

I begin week 6. Prom is soon. 

Oh. That happened. 

though that is in fact how I gained a +2 in fun. 

So far from what I can intuit you will always gain a stat benefit from the various activities you can attend in school. and the big risks of loosing them com from inadvertently picking the thing that appeals least to your love interest. 

Which suddenly makes me wonder whether or not there might be a bad ending where you end up alone on prom night. Though to be real the spirit of this game seems to be more in step that even if that happened you’d get into some friend hijinks with another person 

And thus the game hits prom night, and you get to pick who you want to go out with and to my shock you actually have an option to not ask anyone. 

I do want intend to pick someone, but I feel as though I should high light it, if simply because; for some reason this feels like breaking the rules. Mind you, again, I haven’t played that many dating sims, but dang, thats actually cool that you can play this entirely with out intent to get romantically involved with anyone. 

And then I went and picked. 

Fuck.

0/10. Will never play again. 

I’m joking. 

I rather enjoyed it, and am going to immediately try another playthrough.

The game is entrenched and marinated in the tropes of the high school comedy, and even comes complete with an end of game “montage” of sorts giving you the where are they now of everyone.  

I enjoy that the game never takes itself seriously. 

[welcome-to-the-petting-zoo]

Hey guys! I was wondering if any of you could offer me some tips on calming yourself down or lessening stress? Because of my contamination fears and the fact that I live in the U.S. everything has been piling up. My family doesn’t rlly take me or anything seriously either. So I’ve been falling into fits of “I’m not going to be able to leave the house in years, what’s the point in being here” and general other bad thoughts so I wonder if anything you known could help calm me down? Thanks!

Hey there Anon,

TP here. I'm so sorry you're struggling like this, and especially that your family can't/won't provide you with the support you need.

I'm going to try to collect some general advice and some healthy coping techniques, maybe you can find something here that can relieve your stress. I don't know enough about your lifestyle, specific issues and circumstances to tailor the list to your needs too much, but I'll try to bring up some varied points so maybe there is something you'll find useful.

There are things you can do in the moment to relieve stress and then there are things that are more preventive or work over a longer period, I'll try to cover both categories.

Let's start with in the moment relief:

Grounding. The same way grounding techniques can help with dissociative symptoms, they are also a great tool for stress relief. If you can take a moment to collect yourself, it can help you avoid blowing up or imploding into a depressive mess. There are great breathing exercises geared towards stress relief, but you can also do some physical practices, like putting your hands together in front of you like you were praying, and pressing your palms together as hard as you can, for as long as you can. This will release the physical tension in your body and with that, some of the emotional charge will dissipate too.

Depending on whether your stress manifests as anger, you can also do anger relief exercises, such as trying to rip a piece of cardboard in as many pieces as you can, or, my personal favourite, taking an old pair of sneakers and throwing them against the ground or an outdoor wall, because that won't harm either the wall or the shoes, and it's loads better than turning that anger on yourself or another person. Of course if you can manage your anger without having to act on it, all the better, but if you feel like you're about to explode, blowing off the steam in a non-dangerous way that still allows you to express your destructive urges can work.

This is extreme, but if you have the environment (e.g. you can go to a place away from humanity), you can even try to just scream as loudly as you can. I've never tried this method, but some people swear by it.

Remove yourself from the situation/environment. I know it can be super hard during the pandemic, but if you have the chance, just taking a walk, especially if you can go somewhere devoid of people in nature, is one of the best ways to clear your head and give yourself the space you need to calm down. What I often do is, I get on my bike and take a long ride on some abandoned back roads, which of course is a very special privilege most people don't have, but if you can carve out a little space for yourself somewhere, that can do wonders.

If you can't leave the house because of your fear of contamination or any other reason, I would advise you put on a pair of headphones, if you have noise cancelling ones, those are the best, but basically any pair will do, lie down on your bed and listen to music or nature sounds for a while. I live listening to the sea, or forest noises. There are several free apps you can download that let you create your own sound scapes from different sound elements, so you can tailor your experience to your specific tastes. If lying still is too hard or distracting, you can also try pacing while listening, just make sure you keep to a slow and steady stroll so you won't end up accidentally winding yourself up even more.

You can try doing some yoga, workout or sport. There are a lot of exercises you can also do indoors and generally, moving your body is a wonderful thing, it relieves stress, releases some happy chemicals and tires you out so you won't feel anxious anymore. Basically how this works is, emotions have physical "symptoms" and they work both ways. If you're experiencing the bodily sensation, you'll get the emotion as well, which also means, if you can stop the physical symptom, the emotion will go away too. For example, if you make yourself smile even though you're in a bad mood, you'll soon start feeling better, or the thing when people get anxious or angry because they are hungry and they can feel a knot in their stomach... It works just like that with anxiety/stress as well, if you can relieve the tension from your body, you'll also feel less stressed.

You can try stim toys or other equipment that's geared towards people with sensory integration issues. These tools were developed for people who get easily overwhelmed, so they are extremely efficient for relieving stress. There are tons of different kinds, so you can experiment with what feels right for you. Maybe it's a squishy toy, maybe a weighted blanket, or something you can bite into or a logic puzzle to stimulate your brain. As I said, there are loads of resources out there, and I'm positive there is something you could benefit from, and well, these tools are there for anybody who needs them, so feel free to experiment with them!

Okay, so let's take a look at the longer term things.

Meditation is one of the most awesome things ever. If you're not into spirituality, or if you think it's bullshit, rest assured, that's where I came from too... Until I've tried it. It helped me so much with my insomnia and other stress related issues, and well, it's not like I'm suddenly a hardcore Buddhist or something (not that there is anything wrong with that either, meditation and spirituality/any religion can absolutely go hand in hand), because in the end I like being my weird pragmatic self, but even so, meditation is something I love doing, it gives me peace and teaches me how to relax and come closer to understanding what my body needs and how to pay attention to it. There are also very cool resources for that, both apps and podcasts/YouTube channels that have guided meditation materials or that teach you different techniques.

If you have the spoons, please, do exercise! It is so damn helpful and important, but I also know it's something that can be super hard and I also struggle with it a lot, but whenever I actually manage to move around just for a few minutes, I feel so accomplished and so well physically and mentally.

Try to express your emotions in different ways. Create awesome vent art (your skill level doesn't matter, you can literally be scribbling on a piece of paper, or squishing a block of clay into a shapeless lump, it's not about artistic quality)! Experiment with different media and techniques, write, draw, sculpt, make collages out of magazine cuttings, press flowers, knit emotional sweaters, whatever your preferred method is, creating is a truly healing experience. It allows you to collect your thoughts and emotions and express them in a way that engages your brain in a different way than just thinking about it does, and it turns the negative emotions into positive experiences of creation and relaxation.

Ask someone to give you a massage. Again, back to the whole body and mind influence each other thing, not to mention that massages feel awesome and if it's a friend or loved one giving it, it also creates intimacy and a shared good moment which in and of itself can help a lot.

Talk about it! Seriously, fuck those people who tell you it's somehow wrong to talk about your issues or that you're being a burden. YOU'RE NOT! If you're in distress or you just feel like you need a talk, just do it! If you have noone to talk to, just get back to me, I'll be happy to listen if that means you're feeling better. There will ALWAYS be people who would happily listen to your venting if that would make you feel relief.

Finally, if this is something that's an option for you, consider talking to a therapist or your healthcare provider. They might be able to point you in the direction of some resources or talk about the possibility of temporary medicinal treatment until the pandemic blows over.

I hope this helps a little bit, and of course, if you have any follow-up questions, I'll be happy to elaborate on any of the points. I'm sorry for not including specific links or resources, but I'm a disabled weirdo and right now typing this out is all I have in me. But if you can't find something, or would like specific recommendations, get back to me and I'll look into the specifics for you.

Best of luck,

TP

[motheatenscarf]

So, I recently recommended Castlevania to people based on the first 2 seasons, and having now seen the 3rd season I’m still keeping that recommendation but with some pretty strong warnings going in.

The TL;DR version is, I still recommend this series with the caveat that your mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for sexual themes and more specifically your sensitivity toward sexual assault. 

So uh, spoiler in the spoiler disclaimer, but content warning for discussion of the above themes. I apologize to mobile readers; this got long. I only feel the need to say all this because I have in the past recommended this show to people before these elements came into play in the first 2 seasons. So, I kind of owe it to those people who may have taken my recommendation to follow through now.

I’m sure it won’t come as a shock to anyone (or at least I hope it won’t) that Castlevania, the show which introduces its wandering drunk protagonist by having him overhear two inbred shit eating peasants in a bar talking about literal goat fucking, has a pretty cynical view on humanity and is a pretty hard R.

Most of that R rating and cynicism has been in regard to gore and Christianity and I’ve been extremely on board and pettily here for it. For all that it’s a gory mess with plenty of colorful language, however, it’s been extremely restrained when it comes to sexuality. 

For my ace ass, that was kind of an appeal. I’m not opposed to sexuality in my media, but people do tend to make it... egregious and often unbalanced. It often feels that any media that gets that R rating just goes “Fuck it, may as well!” regarding shoehorning its nudity and sexuality. And frankly, censorship laws in the United States are FUCKING ANTIQUATED AS ALL HELL, so a rape scene where the camera ogles the woman’s breasts as she’s assaulted? Yeah, sure, that’s an R. Consensual sex scene that shows no genitalia but the woman in clear arousal? That’s an NC-17 for you. And that’s just women; don’t get me started on queer censorship, we’d be here all day. So, given the country I live in, the fact that I like horror and fantasy, and the fact that I’m an asexual woman, you can maybe see where my stance on sexual themes in any adult oriented media is just, an exasperated sigh as I boredly sit through another rape scene.

So, our first scene in Castlevania S3 is of Alucard, having been alone for the last month now, slowly losing his mind to crippling loneliness and overwhelming guilt after having murdered his father where Trevor and Sypha took him at his word when he said he would be the lone guardian standing vigil over Dracula’s castle and the Belmont library. Turns out he was wrong about being fine, which we knew from last season as it ended with him alone in his room sobbing his heart out, but he’s already losing his grip here as he makes little puppets of Sypha and Trevor to carry conversation with. An eccentricity he fully acknowledges is insane.

Our next scene confirms through dialogue that Trevor and Sypha are now in a sexual relationship, even though they’re only ever shown cuddling up in bed talking about The Plot and various happenings a few episodes later. Nothing explicit is ever depicted between them.

Alucard, on the other hand, picks up a couple of strays who were the thralls of one of the vampires killed last season, specifically the evidently Japanese one named “Cho” and our two new characters............ I had to google their names, Sumi and Taka, are also Japanese. They ask him to train them to kill vampires to protect their clan. Alucard, clearly remembering what he said about “Think of all the things Dracula could have done if he’d put all this knowledge toward helping people instead of giving into his rage and destroying them,” decides to agree and help them. He is clearly trying to be the person his mother would have wanted. Aww. 

Except not aww, Taka and Sumi are two clearly traumatized and deeply flawed people from the masses which this series is, again, extremely cynical toward. They are unsubtley fixated on learning more and more powerful ways to kill vampires and Alucard is pretty chill about it because he can’t see through the 4th wall and hear the ominous music or the glances they exchange when he’s not looking. This is purely for the audience. They at one point have a discussion away from him where they try to psychoanalyze him and decide that his isolation is a self imposed punishment for killing Dracula and that this is as close as he can get to killing himself without actually doing it. THIS IS FOR THE AUDIENCE. Then they mentioned they should give him a reward for what he’s done for them.

What happens next is difficult to break down from their standpoint, as they’re not particularly well developed characters, not being Important Characters but just a duo from the masses which the show dismisses, but if you’ve caught a single frame of Alucard this season, is easy enough to explain from his perspective. They come to him at night when he can’t sleep, tell him he deserves a reward, and proceed to make sexual advances toward him, which he seems somewhat embarrassed and confused by at first before quickly becoming a participant in. Again, it is well established by this point that he desperately misses Trevor and Sypha, whom he was already jealous of the connection between last season, and is profoundly lonely. The sex, which he consents to, is clearly a proxy as it’s all he can get for now. The sex is also, unfortunately, initiated under false pretenses, and ends abruptly when the whole thing turns into a Christ allegory and they pin Alucard in the crucifix position after having betrayed him with a kiss (and then some) and demand he show them the secrets they’re certain he’s hiding from them. Alucard tries to reason with them, still insisting he knows they’re scared but that he’s been nothing but honest with them, but they’re too traumatized and broken to believe him, and so he kills them in self defense, all still right there on the bed where they were having sex. He then, reminiscent of Dracula from the series opening, stakes their bodies before the entrance to the castle as a warning to those who would come to harm him, telling the audience that he is Lisa’s son in many ways, but he is also Dracula’s, and is realizing with time and experience now that his father’s sentiment toward humanity may not have been so misplaced.

So you know. Lot to unpack there...

BUT THAT AIN’T IT, FOLKS!

There’s another, far less interesting (unbiased review here, folks) character named Hector. He’s a forgemaster which means he makes monsters which are loyal only to him. He’s no Isaac (whom I’d mentioned his backstory/characterization just kinda left a general bad taste in my mouth before but OH BABY, AM I CHANGING TUNE ON THAT ONE. Could write a whole review on Isaac but I’m gonna stay focused here) but he’s apparently here to stay, so fine. 

There was an evil femme fatale vampire last season who kinda bored me who tricked Hector into betraying Dracula and then took him captive when she got what she wanted out of him. She did not trick him with sex at least but was still “evil manipulative femme fatale” which... *yawn* In S3 she drags him back to her home country and then proceeds to talk to her own sort of war council on how to get him to make a monster army for them to use that won’t just kill them all.

The lesbian vampire war council are fuckin interesting and I love 2 of them. The other one is an actually evil seductress femme fatale who DOES manipulate him with sex. Yay. How original. Well at least there are finally enough interesting, compelling women in the story that this isn’t our token evil female vampire so it’s easy for me to shrug off and forgive. All you need to know about Hector is he played with dead animals as a kid, it freaked his parents out when he kept reviving dead things, he killed them, now he’s a dead critter loving sensitive weirdo who was willing to participate in a “humane cull” that would leave the human race in essentially livestock pens for vampires. 

So the entire time the red headed femme fatale is trying to get him to see that she’s not so bad, vampires can be civil, we don’t want what Dracula wanted, my sister didn’t trick you she appealed to your reason, blahblahblah, she’s calling him a “good boy” and leading him on, i fucking quote, “walkies” with a leash. There’s also a comment that she tended to an injured spider once. So,, y’know, she’s him, which means she’s best suited to manipulating him. And Hector even admits to being aware of what she’s doing and calls her out on it, but he’s trapped and doesn’t have much of a choice other than to go along with what she does and weirdly seems almost content at times. His weird naturalist... weirdness probably gives him some inferiority complex when it comes to vampires, I don’t know, his backstory and motive are not connected in the least and I’m frankly not interested enough in this character to give him much contemplation since it’s pretty clear there wasn’t much going into his creation. Anyway. Long story short, she eventually, with only technically lying to him about the purpose of a particular ring she wears, lures him into having sex with her and in the heat of passion has him swear loyalty to her before slipping a cursed ring on him which binds him exactly as he’d just sworn, essentially making him a slave. The sex, again, also stops here, but she makes some extremely unsettling comments later on about how he was surprisingly good at sex and she might “train him.” Which.... where to begin other than yikes, and why, and, where in the hell was a guy who played with dead animals supposed to learn to eat a bitch out like that anyway??

This is where we also, tying the themes together, learn that one of the allies Trevor and Sypha have been teaming up with was a child killer the whole time. They only learn this after he dies helping them fight the evil that had come to his town (and after the most iconic line of the season; “What the fuck is toilet paper?”) which they accomplish, but not before failing to save anyone in the village, which was consumed in an evil ritual. They’re alone again, with a distraught Sypha realizing what Trevor had tried to forget by getting caught up in her optimism, that, say it with me now;

So there is your mostly unbiased spoilery context for the scenes in question. You can make up your own mind from there if that’s something you can handle, I’m gonna go on to add a few of my own thoughts which do not represent how I believe anyone else should interpret the show, this is purely my own train of thought here.

Sex consented to under false pretenses is still rape. I don’t know that I would personally classify these as “rape scenes,” but that’s just me. The reaction of the characters afterward makes me think Hector’s comes closer than Alucard’s, but the fact that both have appropriate reactions to being sexually betrayed makes me think that’s mostly what people are talking about when they say either one was raped. Hector later falls to his knees in a panic and hopelessness as he realizes “You made me a slave, my life is over,” and Alucard just lays there on the floor where he murdered his father as he weeps silently in contemplation of his own despair. That’s... some heavy shit, and I can, again, easily see where someone with a history of abuse or assault can be completely traumatized all over again watching this. As for the leeriness/attempting to be titilating/making rape “sexy” that a lot of adult fantasy/horror does... eh? I’m asexual, none of it’s sexy to me, and I was paying attention to the visual and audio cues the entire time that were making the audience aware with their ominous music, flashing between sex and battles against evil, and watching the instigators (Taka and Sumi, and Lenore the femme fatale vampire) as the camera focused on their scheming faces. The camera in Alucard’s scene especially just seemed to want to show us how sad and lonely he is, but that was pretty well established by that point and I know a sex scene devolving into a murder scene is jarring for people.

The themes of the season were manipulation, trust, and betrayal. Hector’s story reaches a pivotal turning point the moment the ring is slipped on him. Could it have been implemented differently than through the femme fatale seduction route? Absolutely, the show hadn’t really adopted sexual themes until this season and probably could have done so without it. She’d already lied to Hector an said that the rings were symbols she and her sisters wore to unite them, she could have been lying and welcomed him to join them and gotten him to swear loyalty to them in a ceremony after spending more time getting him to trust her. It was dumb and unnecessary and probably added in there just so maybe Alucard wasn’t the sole bearer of such an experience, or maybe because they shifted his plotline to fit in with the established themes, or maybe they could only sneak a bisexual threesome past the censors if they threw in more straight sex. What can I say? The cynicism of this show is relatable.

Alucard’s was less “Yikes” for me because he was never in a position where he didn’t have emotional or physical power over Taka and Sumi, he was a mentor to them who made no sexual advances whatsoever and seemed to only want to participate in their advances because it temporarily made him feel loved and worthy only to have the rug pulled out from under him and remind him that much more painfully of how alone he is, and how right his father may have been, and how wrong he was for killing him. Could this have been done without a sex scene? Yep, it always can. I know what the writers were trying to convey and I personally don’t have an issue with it and see its effectiveness, but I fully acknowledge another hour of spitballing in the writer’s room would have avoided that. I don’t necessarily think it’s a good or bad thing that they included this, it just... is, for me. I personally think if they’re going to confirm the sexual relationship between Trevor and Sypha, though, and then show us that Alucard is clearly missing them, there’s kinda one natural conclusion to make on how Alucard’s relationship with these two was going to go. I actually think it should have been better established and more time should have been spent on his relationship with them and depicted it as romantic/sexual from an earlier stage rather than just seemingly coming out of nowhere to people who hadn’t realized, “Oh, they’re his proxies,” earlier. I personally found it more tragic than traumatizing, but I don’t have a history of sexual abuse, so that is my own biased interpretation. If someone has that experience, I would not blame them in the least for finding this unpalatable.

Other arguments I’ve seen are, why is the only bi character shown to go through this kind of trauma? I mean, Alucard is our only confirmed bi character left for now, but Isaac is heavily implied to be queer, and again. Cynical universe. And he isn’t the only character period to go through it. They’re not singling him out because he’s bi, he’s just going through a character arc and is bi. I acknowledge again it could have been handled better but I don’t necessarily think this is biphobia so much as it is... unfortunate tone deafness. Tokenism is the problem, not Alucard’s bisexuality, so here’s hoping that we get another bi or queer character soon because as of right now, it’s just rife with unfortunate implications. I had this exact issue with Isaac’s backstory/characterization last season as our lone man of color with a major role and they immediately fixed his arc this season along with introducing several new characters of color and it was honestly the highlight of the season, so... the writers have proven to me that they can learn from their mistakes and spin my suspicion into HYPE, so I’m willing to give them through season 4 to see what they do with it.

I have also seen the argument for, why are the only Japanese characters tricky and sexually manipulative? Well, because they’re human and the show is extremely cynical in its depiction of humanity, we’ve just mostly seen that with white Europeans so far. As I mentioned before, tokenism is the problem. Is it annoying to see a sexually manipulative femme fatale vampire? Yes. Can I live with it and shrug it off a helluva lot easier when we get butch warrior vampire and tactical genius vampire talking back and forth about how they plan to conquer and drink an entire nation while espousing their affection for one another? Also yes!  While we do finally get a lot more characters of color this season who are fleshed out and beautifully complex and sympathetic, I think Taka and Sumi could have been better explored, since their mistrust of Alucard makes sense but their decision to have sex with him in order to get his guard down is... really not apparent other than through speculation with 0 textual evidence to support it. I don’t think they’re sexually manipulative because they’re Japanese, I think they’re sexually manipulative because the plot calls for it and they happen to be the only Asian characters we have for now and the writers made another pretty tone deaf decision. Behind the scenes, I do wonder if they were chosen from specifically Cho’s court just so the animators had an excuse to draw her some more/get that Japanese audience invested. Orientalism is a helluva thing here in the west though, and the sexualization of east Asians is especially fucked up and I’m not gonna say this did not have catastrophically tone deaf implications. I hope we get more Asian characters with a nuanced depiction, and even though they are the only Asian characters, they are not the only sexual abusers and they are far from the only sympathetically broken but dangerous characters we see.  

This is also, I’m fairly certain, a dual-studio production, and I do know Castlevania is a Japanese video game series based on European vampire stories, and in the endless love letter between Japanese and American media, some things gets botched in the exchange. That doesn’t excuse it, and that doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful, but I also don’t think it means “Cancelvania.” But I’m Mexican-American, and Not Asian-American, or more specifically Japanese-American, so, this is purely my perspective. 

I won’t defend the choices, I certainly won’t argue with people who draw a line in the sand and say “This is unacceptable, I won’t watch this,” that’s a valid perspective to have. To me, the writers through Isaac have proven they know when and how to correct course when they need to, so I’m cautiously optimistic that this was all build up for a dynamite season 4 if/when we get it. The show is cynical, I’m cynical, but I can recognize careful writing when I see it, and to me the highlights of this unrepentantly stupid fucking show that I kinda love are gonna be worth sticking through the stuff that makes me wrinkle my nose with concern because I want to see where it goes. A time may come when that stops being the case, but for me it hasn’t reached that point yet. I completely understand if it has for anyone else though.

[ckret2]

Out of all the human music, what do you think Ghidorahs heads would enjoy most?

It took over three thousand words to answer this question and I enjoyed every second of it.

So!

Did you know that dogs can communicate with each other through their pee?

I swear this is relevant to the question.

Dogs pee to mark their territory. And they have an incredibly sensitive sense of smell compared to humans. From a few drops of pee, they can tell another dog’s sex, whether the dog’s in heat if it’s female, whether the dog’s been spayed/neutered, which direction it was traveling, how long ago it was in the area, whether the dog’s stressed or sick…

So if you ask a dog what their favorite pee scent is, what are they gonna say? Probably something relevant to the data they’ve evolved to put into and get out of dog pee. They’re probably gonna say something like “mine, because it’s familiar and means that I’m home somewhere safe,” or “the smell of a lady that’s dtf” or “the smell of stress because I’m an evil dog sadist that relishes other dogs’ suffering” or “the smell of neutered dogs because it means there’s gonna be less fights in this neighborhood between horny dogs” or “i don’t care as long as there’s LOTS of dogs because play pals!!!” Something like that, probably. I’m making this up as I go.

If you ask a human what their favorite dog pee scent is, the answers you get are probably going to be “They have different scents???” or “idk, whichever pee smells the least" or “my puppy’s pee smells different when she’s sick, so, uh, whichever scent is Not That One.”

Ask a human what their favorite kind of music is, or assign a favorite kind of music to a human character, and it tells you something about them. If they say that they like 90s anime themes & JRPG soundtracks, then that’s going to tell you something about them. It’s going to tell you that either they’re from Japan and grew up with that on TV, or they’re a weeb. “Counterpoint: maybe it just tells you that they like that kind of music?” Yeah but where were they gonna stumble on that music if they aren’t either from Japan or a weeb? If they only like the music because of its sound, then they would also be interested in Hasidic Jewish music, right? After all, anime/JRPG music and Hasidic music sound a lot alike:

https://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/187677604232/krakenpocalypse-jewishmagpie-tlbodine

But you never see people say “I like JRPG soundtracks and Hasidic music,” because people don’t like music because of the way it sounds. They like it because of the way it sounds AND because they were exposed to it (you can’t enjoy music you don’t know about) AND because they were exposed to it frequently* AND because they feel at home in a community that values that kind of music AND because that kind of music is accessible to them AND because that kind of music has positive associations for them AND because either they heard a bit of that music and sought out more just like it or because they’re in a place where they were passively exposed to a whole lot of that music… etc etc etc. 

(*Fun psychology fact! Understanding certain sounds as “music” is learned, not just innate—if you hear a new song and it immediately sounds pleasantly musical to you, it’s because you’ve heard enough songs similar to it that your brain auto-interprets it as music. Which is one of the reasons why music in genres that you don’t listen to as often might “kind of sound all the same” or “blend together” or fail to hit any emotional chords in you the way that songs in genres you listen to all the time do. It’s not because you found the One True Emotionally Gripping Musical Genre and everyone else is listening to genres that don’t have that emotional punch for some reason; it’s because your brain is tuned, just like an instrument’s strings, to resonate with those kinds of songs, and other people’s brains are tuned to resonate with other kinds.)

I swear all of this is still relevant to Ghidorah headcanons.

So anyway, if somebody tells you that they’re into anime themes and JRPG soundtracks? It tells you either they grew up in Japan or they’re a weeb. If they tell you they’re into anime themes and Hasidic music? Then they grew up in Japan or they’re a weeb, and also they’re Jewish or close with Jewish folks which is why they were exposed to Hasidic music; OR, they’re a tumblr user who was into one of the genres, saw that same hundred-thousand-note post I linked above, and looked up the other genre. If a millennial says their favorite band is Backstreet Boys, that implies something very different about their overall musical tastes—and possibly their social circle, their fashion taste, their TV and movie preferences—than if they say their favorite band is Evanescence. That’s not to say you can’t be a goth-as-fuck dressed-in-all-black purple-dyed-hair vampire-lit-devouring Grown-Up Emo Kid if your favorite band was Backstreet Boys—but it doesn’t correlate as highly as Evanescence does, does it? Someone whose favorite band sings about the light of Jesus filling their soul probably has very different religious beliefs from someone whose favorite band sings about blowing Satan in a cemetery.

And all of those associations are massively intensified if we’re talking about fictional characters instead of real people. Me, grown up goth that I am, driving to work singing along with Evanescence songs and songs about blowing Satan—when I was a kid I had a phase where Backstreet Boys was my favorite band, and what’s that say about me, my personality, and my overall identity? Ultimately, not a lot, except that they were everywhere when I was a kid, I could name four of their songs (more than most artists!), and I thought three of them were pretty good. People’s tastes are varied, weird, pick up strange chunks, and drift around, and it doesn’t always tell you something deep about their character.

But, if you create a goth character but say when they were a child Backstreet Boys was their favorite band, why did you, the writer, assign them a favorite band that goes against their type so hard? What are you trying to say about them? Did something happen in childhood that changed them from the kind of kid who’s into pop (generally perceived in fiction and sometimes reality to mean a person is normal, well-adjusted, optimistic, mainstream, average, boring—or “has good taste” to other people who like pop) into the kind of kid who’s into goth music (generally perceived in fiction and sometimes reality to indicate a person is sad/angry/anxious, pessimistic, counterculture, overtly rejects the mainstream, weird, mysterious—or “has good taste” to other people who like goth music)?

Is it because something sad happened in their childhood and changing their style/music was how they coped? Is it because they met someone important to them who opened their eyes to The Beauty Of The Dark And Macabre? Is it because they were only allowed to listen to parent-approved pop as a kid and chose to dive into the most out-there genre they could find as an act of rebellion? Is it because they became a vampire and that’s apparently just what vampires do? Is it because they realized they were unconsciously faking being attracted to guys because they thought that was normal and picked an appropriate boy band to latch onto, but when puberty was kicking in at age 13 they saw a cute girl with black nails and clothes at the mall and went “hecc im love girls” and grabbed the first album they could find with a female vocalist in similar makeup on the cover?

What’s this character’s backstory? What’s the significance of that decision? Why did you give this character that favorite band? Why did you choose to have this music in this character’s life? Why pop, punk, jazz, rock, metal, rap, country? Why American, Japanese, Indian, Spanish, Arabic, South African? Why that mainstream, or why that obscure? Just the decision to make their favorite artist “Benjamin who plays his guitar at the local coffee shop” versus “Veniamin who plays his guitar in a coffee shop in Greece and puts the videos on YouTube” tells you something about whether they find their Obscure Favorite Artist in the local community or in Internet deep dives (unless they actually live in Greece). All those decisions tell, suggest, or imply something about that character’s position within their surrounding human culture.

That’s the key here: within their surrounding human culture. What music a character listens to suggests a whole lot about the millions of intricate connections they have with their surrounding culture when that character too is a human.

Assign a favorite kind of music to a non-human character, and you say something about them, too. What you say about them, before you say anything else, is “the way that this character’s brain is wired to interpret sound waves into pitch and rhythm is nearly identical to the way that human brains are wired to interpret sound waves; and furthermore, they’re familiar enough with human culture that they know and recognize different ‘categories’ of music and pick categories that they do like based on their assigned similarities versus categories they don’t like based on their assigned similarities.”

And that ain’t something that can be said about Ghidorah.

See I told you all that would be relevant.

To say “Ghidorah likes rock,” you first have to give Ghidorah the capacity to differentiate rock from rap, from country, from Bollywood, from 8-bit chiptunes, from whatever the fuck Tchaikovsky was up to—and even humans aren’t born with the innate ability to sort songs into categories like that. Hell, even humans who are familiar with music have a hard time telling apart different kinds of music the deeper and deeper you get into specific genres. Like, do you know the difference between Electroclash and Filthy Electrohouse? Probably not? Would saying that Filthy Electrohouse is Electroclash with a house kick help? No? What about saying that Filthy Electrohouse is basically the same as normal Electrohouse except that Electrohouse evolved out of House whereas Filthy Electrohouse evolved out of Electroclash? No? Sound like gibberish to you? You probably know the difference between rock and metal, though, even if only vaguely. Try explaining it to an alien who’s never heard either genre before. To the alien whatever you say is going to sound like explaining Filthy Electrohouse because they haven’t got any of the background understanding of the genres to sort them apart.

(And if you want to know more about what the hell is this Filthy Electro French Clash House thing, may I recommend https://music.ishkur.com/# as an absolutely terrifying but very interesting guide to the complete history of electronic music and its subgenres? I like to click on random things and listen to them. The above genres can be found way at the bottom under Eurotrash.)

So the tl;dr is: I can’t give Ghidorah favorite music. Not in a normal “oh, they prefer to listen to death metal/Italian opera/Tibetan throat singing/golden oldies/traditional children’s lullabies” way because all of that, any of that, implies a knowledge of and connection to human culture that not only do they lack, but just imagining asserting a preferred genre/artist like that mentally strains my internal willing suspension of disbelief.

And I had to say all of the above to say that tl;dr because, like, listen. Listen. “I can’t give Ghidorah favorite music” is a boring, uninteresting answer. It’s a lack of information. “I can’t give Ghidorah favorite music because the vast cultural background knowledge necessary to understand music on humanity’s terms is as alien to Ghidorah as the nuances of dog pee smell are alien to humans.” That, that actually says a lot about Ghidorah, and I think that it says something interest.

So with all that said! Lemme tell you what kind of music they do like.

Because they do like music. A whole lot. Lots of music from lots of alien species.

It’s just human music that’s unfamiliar to them. They will gain familiarity with human music—as soon as they gain access to a means to hear human music (and I do have that in the works!)—but the way they interpret and categorize it won’t necessarily have any correlation with how humans do.

Ghidorah’s wired for singing. Loooves singing. I haven’t decided yet whether that’s a natural dorat thing and over time they added in music from other species as they learned it, or if it’s specifically a trick that they picked up after being fused together and needing a way to weaponize their empath abilities. In either case, their singing is tied directly into their empath capabilities. Half of the “songs” they know aren’t “songs” in any conventional sense, but “the sounds that they figured out would interact directly with the way a target species’ brain functions in order to cause whatever emotion they want their target to feel.” I’ve talked about this before in my Ghidorah-as-siren post. https://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/185784244462/ghidorah-as-siren

(Things like that—specific sounds that directly cause emotions in a species due to an instinctive response rather than a learned reaction—are precedented in real life! There’s a certain sound frequency that causes humans to feel fear/panic/dread/paranoia and sometimes hallucinate ghosts, and it’s theorized that this sound might be found at a lot of “haunted” locations: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2003/oct/16/science.farout )

So, when Ghidorah does this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xA-QJUyBdJU

That’s literally a song, from their perspective. It’s a short song, but it’s a song. It’s a “become afraid and rampage against anything threatening (which means everything)” song. At the end of The Glorious Resurrection of Bouvet Island (here https://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/187594976987/the-glorious-resurrection-of-bouvet-island ) when Rodan is “ whistling a high soothing note” and then they do this:

“It took him a while to notice that the middle head had started copying his whistle, letting out a single endless note at the exact same pitch. Then the other two joined in, turning it into a high, trilling, reverberating sound, an “ii-lii-lii-lii-lii.” The sound got into his head, made him feel like he was floating. Made him feel like he was in the safest place in the universe.”

They heard Rodan making a sound (something like a single long high-pitched bird whistle) which Rodan instinctively knows as a “soothe somebody” sound; they learned the sound, and from it learned something about how Rodan understands and processes sound; and they immediately turned it around and used it to soothe him. When Rodan immediately feels Super Safe, that’s not just because they’re being all nice to him—that’s full-on song-based dorat empath mind control he’s under the effects of.

So a loud trumpeting roar that induces “be afraid and smash things!” feelings is a song. A single high-pitched continuous note that induces “you’re extremely hella safe!” feelings is a song. So far, those are the only two Earth songs they know, because those are the only two songs they’ve got that work on Earthlings. One they composed themselves, and one they remixed from a song Rodan accidentally taught them.

Based on this, the human definition of “music” and Ghidorah definition of “music” are very different. Our music can be included somewhere inside his definition; but his definition is far broader than ours and includes things we’d never hear as musical.

Ghidorah can sing, like, non-mind-controlling songs too. He does do that. Just sing for fun rather than for megalomaniacal world-destroying reasons. Songs composed for normal reasons! All the ones he knows at this point are alien but he could sing them. There’s a mention in the one-shot from Gigan’s perspective that he likes Ghidorah’s singing and wants to expose him to more.

However, he doesn’t have to separate “normal songs that sound like actual music” from songs that can evoke emotions. Especially if the song itself is somehow intended to evoke an emotion, it’s pretty easy for Ghidorah to learn the emotion that it’s supposed to cause and actually weave that into the song itself. Because, generally, if a species goes “ah yes this song should inspire This Emotion,” then they’re likely to include sounds that physiologically/psychologically help induce that feeling in the brain. Humans do it! So if he’s singing a sad-sounding song with sad lyrics, the odds are good that if a member of the species that produced the song hears it, they won’t just think it sounds sad, they’ll be telepathically forced to feel sad.

The songs they most enjoy singing are ones that can make use of all their musical abilities. Of course, they’ve got their voices—and when they’re singing, they tend to go for higher pitch ranges. You ever hear this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eogtlyDg4Y

Dude can pull off soprano if he wants. If they do hear enough human songs to be familiar with them, yes, they’re going to sing along with the music—and yes, they’re going to do it even if they don’t know the words, which they won’t, because they’ve probably never heard a human voice except when it’s screaming loud enough that they can faintly pick it up from five hundred feet above. They’re going to sing anyway. Don’t pretend you’ve never tried to sing along with a song in a language you don’t know and ended up going “AAA LALALA DA DADA GSDKLFJGLKJ” as you sing.

But like it’s not gonna be limited to human voices because they’ve been all over the galaxy, what separates a “voice” from an “instrument”? Nothing! They can sing violin & viola parts. They can sing brass instruments. They can sing piano.

You know that their tails rattle? Like rattlesnakes? They’ve got maracas on their tails. They can keep rhythm to music with their tails. Or their feet, if they’re on a hard enough surface that they can tap their claws.

You know this scene? With the wing thing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhDdXXr9dfQ

Ever heard a tesla coil sing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-f6GijQXaBI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ee5evlN8Bbs

Yeah they can do that. Probably with greater actual range than a tesla coil. I imagine it works best on synthesizer music and some electric guitar. Probably other things too that I haven’t thought of, but uh I listen to synthesizer & electric guitar so that’s what I think about when I imagine singing space dragons lmao.

Their preferred music, therefore, is going to be stuff that 1) give all three heads parts to sing, 2) also lets them use their tails and wings, and 3) ideally, gives them some interesting emotions to steal/replicate/inflict on others. Which is very broad! Covers a lot of things, no doubt!

Eventually, yeah, they’re going to probably develop more specific human musical preferences—but the preferences are going to be based on their own alien criteria, and it’s also going to be based on what human music they have access to. At least initially? That means that their musical taste is going to be limited to whatever music they can pick up on AM radio in the Gulf of Mexico just off the northeast tip of Mexico. Which, depending on the exact stations available where the Rio Grande dumps into the ocean will probably mean “the current chart toppers in Mexico & the US” and “extremely local Mexican music.“ 

It took over three thousand words to reach that answer. I hope you found the journey rewarding.

[photochoco]

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Chapter 4 Revision Touko edits a paper, jinxes herself, and meets two old guys.

--- -- ---

It had been a week since the rally, and Touko hadn’t seen N since then. To say it was frustrating was an understatement. She wanted nothing more than to go looking for him herself, but she had no idea where he could be, and it probably wasn’t the best idea for a low-ranking Grunt like her to be asking where the King was. As much as she didn’t want it to be the case, she’d just have to be patient for now. Her music was blasting through her headphones was more in an attempt to drown out any nagging thoughts. God, being patient in this was nothing like being patient during Pokemon training…

A noise from outside her music made her take her headphones off. Andrea was sitting on the adjacent bed, a guitar in her lap. She was strumming through the chords, her tongue between her teeth in concentration.

“Whatcha doin?”

Andrea looked up. “Eh, not much. Just tryin’ out this song I wrote, seein’ how it sounds aloud. I’m kinda new to playing the guitar and stuff.”

“I can play the electric guitar. I use to play the violin, but it wasn’t really for me. I can help you tweak the song if you’d like,” Touko offered.

Andrea gave an approving nod as she continued to strung out the chords. Touko watched her for a while, then decided to try her luck.

“Hey Andrea...I was a bit curious. I don’t see N around her often, what does he usually do?” she asked in a tone she hoped sounded casual.

“Oh, he doesn’t hang around the castle that often. He spends a lot more time around the region. Most of the time, he’s seeing the sights and looking for the Light Stone so he can bond with Reshiram.”

“You mentioned that earlier. I remember reading the legend where it says both Zekrom and Reshiram were sealed within stones until a hero sought them out.”

“Mmhm. N needs to find the Light Stone to make that happen.”

Touko rolled over onto her stomach, a thought came to her. “Why Reshiram? Why not Zekrom?”

Andrea stopped playing. Touko seemed to have asked her a difficult question.

“You know, I’m not really sure. Lord N is pursuing the truth, but why the truth instead of ideals isn’t something we really know about. In that same vein, we haven’t concerned ourselves with the possibility of a Hero of Ideals appearing to oppose him. In fact, it’s uncertain if there even is one. Our biggest concern is finding that Light Stone, and that itself has proven to be like finding a needle in a haystack.” She flopped onto her back, guitar forgotten for the moment.

Our goal right now is to assist Lord N in securing the stone as soon as possible, so that he may begin to prepare to awaken Reshiram.”

Touko opened her mouth to reply when Brandon swept in, papers in his hand. Andrea sat up to greet him when he gasped, affronted.

“Andrea! Good god, what on Earth do you think you’re doing, wearing that! What if Lord N comes in here?!”

Andrea looked down at her oppai shirt then back up at Brandon and rolled her eyes.

“Oh please, it’s our day off, we can wear whatever we want. Besides, you know Lord N hardly ever comes down here.” A sly grin takes over. “What, are you feelin’ sad cuz you can’t see my real oppai?”

Brandon flushed red. “Oh, as if!!”

Andrea hopped off her bed, snatched the papers out of the man’s hands, and spun him around to shove him playfully out the door. “Get outta here, ya massive dork.��

As Brandon left, Andrea called out to him. “Did you remember to take your T today?”

“Yeeeaaahhhhh.”

“So dorky, yet so easy to rile up, that goof. Do you have someone, Lysandra?”

“Eh, not currently. I had a crush on this girl, then a boy, but neither of them worked out,” Touko said.

“Awww. That’s a bummer. But hey, maybe you’ll meet someone here!”

“Maybe!” As if I would date anyone from TEAM PLASMA.

Andrea continued, her expression again turning mischievous.

“There’s bound to be someone who likes you here, if you’re already such a catch with Lord N--”

As if summoned by a bell, N himself poked his head into the room.

“Hello? Is Lysandra here?”

“N!” “Lord N!”

The entire room jumped to attention and bowed, with the exception of Touko. N waved them all down awkwardly as he walked up to her.

“I finished the next speech. I was wondering if perhaps you could… ...if you’d be willing to look it over for me?” he spoke very quickly, as usual.

Touko blinked in surprise. “Er...sure! I mean! I-If you’d like me to, I’d be honored.” She heard whispers of disbelief behind her.

N must have noticed, because he began to fidget, suddenly gripping the papers too tightly.

“Um...When you’re done looking it over...you can... Yes. Come find me. Uh, thanks.”

Now that he was here, Touko couldn’t let him get away without asking her questions.

“Hey, about your search for Resh--”

She was cut off as N hastily shoved the papers into her hands and exited the room swiftly, leaving Touko standing there. She is only shaken out of her daze by Andrea poking her head over Touko’s shoulder.

“What strings did you have to pull to get Lord N to ask you to review his speech??”

Touko turned around and almost immediately wished she hadn’t. The eyes of every Grunt in the room was affixed on her. Expression varied from surprise to awe to jealousy.

“I...uh...I didn’t...I didn’t really...do anything?” she stuttered. Some eyebrows were raised at that. I swear! All I did was compliment the speech from the last rally, that’s it.”

A Grunt scoffed. “Even so! It was very rude of you to not refer to Lord N with any formalities. You may be new here, but you ought to show some more respect for your King!”

Touko’s short temper flared at that. “N himself told me not to refer to him with any formalities, he was quite insistent.” She turned back towards the door sharply.

As she walked out the threshold towards to the study room, she heard someone else mutter under their breath.

“Lord N never said anything like that to any of us.”

---

The essay needed little critique, but still Touko sat in front of it, pen tapping furiously. She knew what would better sway skeptics, but did she want to suggest that and inadvertently help Plasma? Should she leave it as is? She didn’t want N to think she wasn’t impressed with it, especially not when she seemed to have gotten so much closer to gaining his trust. And on top of that, it was pretty clear some Grunts were growing envious of her already. And her short answer was out of character for the facade she’d created for herself. She couldn’t afford to get careless, or complacent. Not yet. Especially when her biggest test yet still lay ahead. After several more rereads and scribbles here and there, Touko stacked the papers and stood up. She couldn’t let herself slip.

After all, she had yet to run into--

“Ack--!”

Touko nearly ran into two older men dressed in traditional looking robes. One of them towered above the other, the two wide eyes on his clothes making him all the more intimidating. He stared down at Touko with his one visible red eye.

Her stomach dropped.

Ghetsis.

Thinking fast, she snapped to attention and jumped out of their way to bow low.

“Oh my god! I-I’m so sorr-- Please forgive me for not seeing you come in. I apologize,” she squeaked.

“Ohoho, it’s quite alright young lady. Please, relax,” the gentlemen next to Ghetsis chuckled.

Ghetsis did not join in the chuckling, but rather looked Touko up and down, lingering on her face. Her eyes. Touko, feigning nervousness, fidgeted and looked away. Once again, the feelings came easy, with her flushing face and pounding heart.

“Are you a new member?” he asked.

“I-I am.”

His eye flickered down to the speech in Touko’s hands. He squinted.

“Is that one of our king’s speeches? Why do you have that?”

Touko gripped the speech tighter. “I-I...He um...he asked me to look it over,” she mumbled.

It’s a wonderful speech!” she added quickly. “I was at the rally in Striaton, your delivery of it was especially spurring, Lord Ghetsis. Your ways of speaking can grip people’s hearts.”

A bitter tastes rose in the back of her throat. God, she was sucking up to motherfucking Ghetsis. Disgusting. Luckily for her, he seemed to like the compliment, because he smiled.

“I have always prided myself on my ability to speak in public. Very well. If our Lord N has put his trust in your revision abilities, then I see no reason for you to not take on this duty. I hope you are up to this task.”

“T-Thank you,” Touko squeaked. Goooood she wanted this to be over before the old fucks looked too hard.

“What is your name and rank, young lady?” the other man asked.

“Lysandra, and...I’m afraid I’m still the lowest rank, sirs. I’ve only been here a few weeks.

Now both men’s eyebrows jumped up in surprise.

“And yet our Lord N sees something in you, how intriguing! Well, Lysandra, I will be expecting great things from you within Team Plasma. Our king has yet to be wrong.”

Ghetsis nodded thoughtfully. “Indeed, Zinzolin. You may be a mere grunt, Miss Lysandra, but I will be hoping you do your utmost for our cause.”

“Of course, sirs. I will do my best! If you’ll please excuse me…” Touko bowed herself out, sliding out the door to take a deep breath. Holy fuck. Holy shit. Holy fuckshit. She’d fucking done it. She’d fooled N, and Ghetsis. The two sages were still talking.

“Lovely young lady, that one. Rather shy though. Nothing like that Trainer. Oh, what was her name?” Zinzolin mused.

Ghetsis sniffed disdainfully. “Touko. Believe me, I only know her name because N will not stop talking about her. He mentioned he hasn’t seen her as of late.” He sighed. “I do not know where she could have disappeared to, but if you ask me, I hope she stays gone. I was getting a little bit tired of N talking about her.”

Touko’s face burned. N really talked about her that much? Ew. She hurried away.

It was only after she had walked for several minutes that she realized N had not told her where to find him once she was finished critiquing the speech.

Oh goddammit. She better just head back to the barracks. He could find her there. Touko walked down a hall, rounded a corner. Another corner, turn there…

She heard voices. They were right around the corner. She curiously peeked around the wall. Two Grunts were with N, talking to him quietly. Touko couldn’t see their faces, but she could see N’s. He looked uncomfortable, and they were backing him against the wall.

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[flowersfrombefore]

Flowers and Pianos: Part 1  (Roger Taylor X Greta Stirling) (OC)

A/N: This started as a daydream a while ago and I decided to finally write it! Also there aren’t any explicitly Bisexual Oc’s that I’ve seen so I decided to make my own.  I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you guys love it as much as I do. I’d really appreciate any feedback you have to give. Also let’s play: Find the Almost Famous reference! Comment if you find it.

I can’t possibly write a summary without giving away parts of the story or sounding melodramatic so screw it here’s the gist of the start: Greta and Roger are both musicians who meet accidentally at a party after one having a sort of break up and the other running into an ex with the person they cheated with. 

Warnings: Drinking (a lot of drinking), swearing, implied smut, angst, language, (ummm this is the 70′s so Greta kinda being ashamed of her sexuality?? yeah just to be safe I’ll put that) 

Word count: 3387

^^^^ That’s our girl folks. 

Greta’s original intent for tonight was definitely not hiding in a bathroom with a bottle of Vodka. It was not her idea to invite her ex girlfriend to a party. And it was hardly her idea to see her with the person she cheated with. She supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised in the least. So not everyone had known you were together meaning no one really knew there was a breakup, of course she was still coming. Just keeping up appearances until it made sense for her to leave. That’s what Greta thought at least, until she saw what was obviously the real reason for Sarah to still hang around her band.

Over the few weeks since she had caught them together, Greta thought her anger may have dissipated. It had at least dulled towards Michael. Her best friend and almost more crucially, her band’s guitarist, couldn’t take much of the blame. Greta had never told him that the pretty blonde journalist was more than just that. She’d never told anyone. No it wasn’t his fault for fucking her, It was Sarah who let it happen, probably encouraged the whole affair. The only thing that mattered at this point? Greta’s ex was a journalist, ‘the enemy’ as most tended to call them. And Sarah had more information about Greta than Greta would have liked to have publicized. The tabloids finding out about Greta’s most recent love affair could be the end of her band.

So at eleven at night, in a complete strangers home with hundreds of other bands around drinking and playing music, Greta found herself sitting in a completely empty bathtub with a bottle of Vodka in her hands. Trying to drown the thought of the one she used to love kissing her band mate somewhere in the mansion. And the reminder that, until she was certain there was no bad blood, her career could be on the line.

Greta’s vision began to cloud, well not cloud exactly. The edges of her vision were simply fading out and blurring together very slightly. If she focused she could still see but staring at seemingly nothing was becoming easier and easier. Soon enough the clouds began to form in her mind as well. She knew that if she drank a little more she’d reach the state where she felt light and happy. That point where she would smile for no reason and feel almost as if she was floating. She took another gulp of vodka and winced. It was stronger than she would have liked but it was the only thing remaining untouched in the house, probably because of it’s awful taste. She set the bottle down on the rim of the tub with a loud bang, almost missing the surface.

She leaned farther back and let gravity slide her down farther into the tub until she was almost laying down. She thought briefly about turning the water on so it would soak through her clothing. There was no real reason or purpose to do this but for some reason her mind had wandered to the feeling of soggy clothes clinging to damp skin. It was like a warm memory of being a kid and jumping into a pool with your friends with all your clothes on even when your mother said not to.

A piercing bang broke through her blanket of silence as the door flew open, hitting the wall so hard she was surprised that it didn’t shatter the tiles. She could have sworn that she locked it to avoid such an intrusion as this. To her dismay a disheveled head of long blond hair was the first thing she registered. For a moment she panicked. It could have been Sarah, Sarah did not need to see her like this. It would just give her more fuel for her future article to cast Greta in a bad light, or it would even just give her more of a reason to think her ex girlfriend was pathetic. She braced herself to be recognized soon enough, until the person standing in the door stumbled in and lifted their head to look into the mirror. It wasn’t Sarah. It wasn’t even a girl.

It was only now that she realized her vision was blurrier than she thought before. When there was nothing to look at except the slightly varying shades of white on the bathroom walls it seemed that she could see perfectly fine. Now, trying to make out the face of the boy standing before her seemed to be almost impossible. He would have to be closer for her to see, which she dearly hoped would not happen. She didn’t need anyone seeing the drunk crying mess that she was. She pushed herself as far back into the corner of that bath as she could trying not to be noticed.

She watched him as he combed his fingers through his hair trying to untangle it. From what she could see he looked about as drunk as her, squinting into the mirror seemingly trying to see better. He supported himself on the counter with one hand that was gripping a little tighter onto the edge than it would if he was sober. Well this was a party that started about an hour ago, most of everyone was drunk.

After a moment the boy turned from the mirror, shut the door and slid down it onto the floor. He wrapped his arms around his knees, pulling them into his chest, as he hung his head. The straight messy hair of his fell in sheets across his face hiding it even further. Greta still didn’t want to make herself known but he didn’t look alright and it felt wrong to intrude if someone came here needing to be alone. Even if she had been there first, she thought, he didn’t mean to intrude on her so it was fine.

“Hey.” Greta’s voice came out very quiet, she couldn’t tell yet if she was going to be slurring her words. “Do you want me to leave? Sorry I didn’t say anything earlier.” The boy raised his head in surprise but he didn’t jump. His shoulders that had been slumped before stiffened up a little bit and he drew his arms tighter around his knees. He was trying to hide just as much as Greta had been. “I’m sorry I’ll go.” Greta made a move to push herself up out of the bathtub, but her body however had other plans. She put a small amount of weight on her feet and immediately fell back down the short distance. She groaned in pain and rubbed her elbow that she’d hit on the short fall.

“You don’t have to go.” There was only a slight slur to his words meaning he hadn’t probably been drinking as much as her observations had lead her to believe. Something about his voice sounded familiar.

A slightly awkward silence fell for a moment. Neither party knew weather to give in and leave or to stay.  

“Can I have some of that?” The blond broke the silence, making a vague motion to the half empty bottle of vodka still balancing on the tub.

“Sure, why not?” Greta shrugged and waved him over. “Get in, I don’t trust the floor to be clean and neither should you.” He gingerly got up, sure to steady himself on the door and on the counter before walking over. Greta pulled her knees up to her chest to make room and the boy climbed in the empty tub with her. He crossed his legs and sat across from her. Greta grabbed the bottle of the side and passed it to him. Without hesitation he brought the bottle to his lips and gulped a good amount down. He didn’t even flinch. “If you keep drinking like that you’re going to pass out before the nights out.”

“That’s the idea.”

Finally Greta was able to see his face. He was quite attractive, dare she say pretty? Probably pretty enough to pass as a girl if you weren’t looking properly, or if he had his shirt buttoned normally, unlike now. It was unbuttoned about halfway down his chest, not so modestly revealing some rather prominent hickeys. It dawned on her after a moment who was sitting in front of her.

“You’re Roger Taylor aren’t you? From Queen?” She tried to mask the excitement in her voice but the alcohol made that a bit difficult. Of course she recognized his voice. Anyone in their line of work knew who Queen was. Her band had actually only just been talking about the possibility of  working with Queen only weeks ago. And, though she’d never really admitted it, she’d always liked Roger best when she’d had small encounters with the band. For a fleeting second she hoped maybe he would remember her from a brief meeting at a concert a few years before, realizing instantly that that would be a ridiculous thing to hope for.

“That would be me.” He downed another quarter of the Vodka. “You’re Greta Stirling right?” He lifted the bottle to his lips again, until Greta moved forward and took it from his hands.

“Okay drummer boy don’t drink all of it I still found it first.” Greta smirked and leaned back holding the bottle to her chest. To her surprise her action wasn’t met with a look of annoyance. He smirked right back at her, rolling his eyes sarcastically. “But yes that would be my name. However much I wish it wasn’t right now.” She regretted voicing the last part the moment she said it. She had no desire to voice her personal issues at the moment. She just wanted to get blackout drunk and possibly cry alone. Although getting blackout drunk with Roger Taylor seemed like a good alternative to the crying aspect.

Roger pushed himself forward, grabbing the bottle from Greta’s hands, or trying to anyway. He slipped and fell on top of her, spilling a good amount over Greta’s shirt. There was a bit of regret in Rogers eyes as he looked down to see what he did. That was of course, until Greta broke out into a fit of laughter. Against his better judgment, which of course was out the window at the moment, he stayed leaning over her, watching her laugh.

“I’m sorry, oh gosh I didn’t mean to do that I just wanted it back.” His words were almost impossible to discern through his own laughter. Greta raised the bottle up and pressed it against Rogers chest, the sheer force pushed him back to the opposite wall of the tub. The pair continued in their fit of drunken giggles for a while. Every time one stopped the other let out a final chuckle and everything started again. Finally their laughter did die down and silence befell the room. Both were brought back to thinking of why they had ended up here in the first place.

“Alright then Roger of Queen,” Greta sat up, thought the initial effort was a struggle. “What happens to land you in an empty bathtub at such a lively party. Due to your reputation I thought you’d have better things to do.” Oh she really was saying things she shouldn’t say tonight. Intoxication wasn’t good for her filter. “Or was the vampire that left those on your chest responsible for landing you here?” In honesty Greta knew she was no one to judge. She and Roger happened to have the same reputation of sleeping with everyone they met, although in the last year Greta had been out of that spotlight. Too busy fucking Sarah to keep it up. ‘What a waste of a good year’ she thought to herself.

Roger looked down to where Greta had pointed at and cursed under his breath. Hastily he buttoned up his shirt. Obviously they were something he didn’t want anyone to see. An odd occurrence for him, at least from what Greta had been led to believe by anyone who met the man.

“Sorry, that was extremely unnecessary of me to say, especially due to my own reputation.” Greta hung her head.

“Yeah I have heard we share an affinity.” Roger chuckled. “Its fine. You’re right though.”

Greta felt rather relieved. It didn’t sound like he was only saying it was fine just to keep some kind of peace. She’d only known the man for a few minutes but she felt like he trusted her, and she him. Maybe that’s just what happens when you lock yourself in a room together alone with a bottle of alcohol so strong it makes your chest burn.

“Oh do tell, maybe it’ll make me feel better.” She knew it wouldn’t, but she wanted to listen to his voice.

“Its nothing. Or it should be nothing. Just a girl that was touring with us, I thought..” He trailed off for a moment, searching for the right words. “I thought maybe we could be more than a hookup, I guess she didn’t. Simple as that really.”

Greta narrowed her eyes at him knowing he wasn’t telling the full truth.

“But what did she do?”

“She slept with our guitarist, Brian.” His voice broke only slightly. It could have been the drinking but Greta guessed it wasn’t.

Greta let out a mildly disgusted laugh, shaking her head at the remark. Of course she did, what groupie didn’t do that.

“Welcome to my boat Blondie, everyone just fucks another member and leaves you with enough marks to remind you who they were and what they were to you.” Maybe not the most sensitive thing Greta could have said on the subject but it’s how she felt. Lightly her fingers brushed over the last faint bruise that was still left from Sarah. Roger passed her the Vodka.

“Good to know it’s not just me. Sorry that you’re in it to though.” Greta passed it back to him.

“Fuck it. You wanna know what. She’s in this house right now, probably fucking my guitarist without a god damn thought that maybe I didn’t want to see them…together.” It was half between a cry and a yell and if she hadn’t been in front of Roger it was likely tears would have started.

Fuck.

That was the first thought that went through her mind. Fuck. She hadn’t thought to make it vague. She said ‘She’. She really shouldn’t drink and talk about her problems when this could slip out. Frantically she searched for something to cover up her mistake with. To her favor Roger was also too drunk to fully comprehend what she’d said. Or at least she hoped.

“God, so’s mine. You wanna know what’s the worst though.” The bottle was empty now. “I let her come back. These aren’t old.” He gestured to the now covered hickeys. “These are fucking from today!” Roger buried his face in his hands, digging the palms into his closed eyes. He was trying not to cry just the same as Greta. “Why did I let her back?” This was not directed towards Greta and she knew it. It was to himself, and oh god did she understand.

Greta was no good with words. It had always been a problem for her when a friend needed comfort. All she knew how to use was physicality. A hug, a kiss, anything of the sort was what she knew how to do. It hardly seemed appropriate but seeing someone hurt was something she couldn’t let just happen. She inched herself forward with her hands, bringing herself closer to Roger who was still hiding his face in his hands.

For a moment she hesitated. Her fingers hovered over his jaw line but she withdrew when she thought for a moment about what she was doing. She just wanted to help. This was all she knew how to do. Before her thoughts could catch up to her actions she brushed her finger tips over his jaw before firmly placing them there. Gently she lifted his head to look up at her. She was right in her previous thinking. His eyes were red and wet with tears now, he looked helpless. It startled her for a moment, never thinking she’d see Roger Taylor look anything but confident and cocky.

“The same reason I’m about to do this.” Her heart only started racing the second before she pressed her lips against his. She hadn’t felt a boys lips on hers in…well, however long it had been since she met Sarah.

Roger tensed for only a moment, almost as if to pull away until Greta’s lips were on his. After only a brief second Greta tour her lips away,  knowing that she’d probably fucked up by doing so in the first place.

“Roger I’m sorry I didn’t-” He cut her off, a hand gently coming down around the back of her neck to pull her back to him. Hands in each others hair, fingers tracing patterns in skin, lips locked together desperately, they stayed together for who knows how long.

Greta supposed she could blame it on the alcohol. She could blame it on the fact that they were both heartbroken. It even crossed her mind to pin it on wanting to be with a man again. Every one of these excuses tried to build up in her as she kissed him, unconsciously suppressing the fact that this was the first time in a while that she had felt something real.

In the process of trying not to end up in a tight corner Greta had crawled into Rogers lap. Her still wet shirt had  been pulled off, half because it was soaked in Vodka and half because it left her skin free for fresh marks. She hadn’t realized how much she missed the feeling until Roger had parted from her mouth to suck on the skin just under her collar bone.

She kept telling herself this was all just the effect of the drinking.

“Roger what the fuck is this?” Her tone was so hushed it was hardly a whisper, she knew if she opened her mouth while this boy kissed and sucked on her neck like that she’d let out a moan loud enough that the whole party would know what was going on. Maybe she would. Maybe Sarah was close enough to hear. No, no she wouldn’t. She refused to fuck Roger out of malice and revenge. He didn’t deserve it and she was better than that.

“I don’t fucking know but please don’t stop.” He looked up at her with eyes so soft and pleading she wouldn’t have thought for a moment to stop. It was probably just the blurry vision or the lighting but the fuzzy edges around her sight made him look like an angel. Almost like he glowed. He was beautiful. She’d always known he was, but right now he was more beautiful than any picture could show.

Maybe it wasn’t the heartbreak and the alcohol that led them to eventually get up and find an empty room. Maybe it was something else that made them both too weak to resist the others touch.

Sure the heartbreak could have been the reason for the need for touch, for sex, for any intimacy. It could have been the alcohol that made the idea of sleeping together in another person’s house at a party seem okay.

Very likely it was heartbreak and betrayal that made them both cling to each others bodies for hours, until they were too exhausted to continue.

It was not however, any of these things when after the fact, they stayed together wrapped in each others arms. It was not hurt or intoxication that kept them talking about anything and everything until they both fell unconscious only as the sun rose.

And it most definitely was something real when they awoke the next morning still pressed against each other as the sun cast it’s light through the curtains. It was something real when Greta found that Rogers reputation for leaving girls in the middle of the night had not applied to her, as his arms still held her tight and his lips still pressed softly against the back of her neck.

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