#i sudden cannot remember anything i have ever watched or read

[tellmeallaboutit]

knock knock (Raphael x Player)

Chapter 17, In Which You Decide To Die

Read on AO3

Apollonia Saintclair

You'd think Bumby would be seething, but the man was clinically incapable of any emotion. Maybe that's why he had this weird fascination with getting into other people’s heads.

He did say it was a bad idea (a horrendous judgement call, were his exact words) and he was very disappointed (of course, he would no longer be making a million a month off you) at Mr D'Avergnis's impulsive decision.

He made Raul sign a waiver about possible risks to your health and then had his whole team go through your pill regimen while you enjoyed the thought of spitting them out in their grey worn-out faces.

"Until our paths cross again, Mrs Berger," Angus bid adieu as you climbed up the ladder into the private jet.

"Hopefully never," you replied.

He seemed entirely unconvinced.

****

Before you even arrived at the villa, Raul had made sure you fulfilled your promise to him twice over. First in the cramped restroom of the jet, five minutes of you bending over the porcelain sink, his fingers in your hair, as he whispered "Ti amo" repeatedly in your ear (he kept repeating it as if he was trying to understand what that words mean).

Then again in the backseat of the limousine. What started as you taking a nap on Raul’s lap quickly turned into him guiding your head onto his cock. Poor Yurgir (now Yuri, shrunk back to his bulky and grumpy Russian self) tried to focus on the road ahead, hiding behind the black partition.

Luckily for him, he didn't have to focus for too long; there weren't many things you excelled at, but there were some. You completed the task in record time. Raul drifted off into sleep shortly after, and you pondered if there was any way to discreetly remove his cross while he slumbered.

Unfortunately, you didn't come up with a solution before reaching your destination.

***

No one in the villa was happy to see you again.

The villa itself had not changed much; but the things that had changed you did not like. A sudden influx of religious paraphernalia; crucifixes on the walls, the dark wood stark against the pale paint of the villa. A statue of the Virgin Mary in the corner where there used to be an abstract work of art. 

"Feeling better?" said Camilla, her arms crossed, as she saw you in the foyer. 

She looked ever more tired than the last time you saw her.

"I am," you said with a victorious smile. 

"Really?"

"Really," you nodded. "Angus explained some things to me and it all makes perfect sense now. How did you ever explain kissing my hand, Camilla?"

"I've been thinking about it," she said calmly. "Schizophrenogenic environment."

"Huh?"

"Hang out with the crazy, get crazy yourself”.

"Good thing we're all so much better now," you grinned. "Angus fixed me really good. So, was Davos such a flop that Raul turned to God?"

You gave everything around you a pointed look.

"On the contrary," Camilla corrected you sharply. "A huge success. I'm constantly fending off journalists day and night...I guess I underestimated people’s capacity for idiocy... They are making him out to be some kind of messiah figure. Stravinsky's death added to the effect."

"What a strange coincidence, huh?", you asked.

"Mmm-hmm," came Camilla's nonchalant reply.

"I feel so much better now that I know it was not my fault”, you said. “Back there I had this thought that I wished her dead and that was why she had a heart attack."

"Hm-mm," Camilla hummed, slowly backing away from you. "Let's not wish for something like that again, okay?"

"Why not? It's not like anything would actually happen. I am not crazy anymore, remember? I cannot do miracles. I wish, though… I wish…”

You watched as Camilla backed up until she was flush against the wall - a thrill ran through you at her discomfort. 

"Just kidding”, you said. “But honestly, what's with the whole Catholic craze? Is Raul trying to ward something off or is he fully in his Prophet role now?"

"Mmm," was all Camilla offered. 

You waited for more, but the silence continued.

"Good chat," you quipped. "See you around."

***

The confinements of you patient room were extended to a whole villa now, but you had your phone back. You had your phone back and you were free to move around the perimeter, at least. Outside was still off-limits. 

Well, count your blessings.

As you settled down in bed for the evening, you checked the tabloids for the latest gossip; according to them, you disappeared because you were pregnant and Raul was hiding you from the public because.. superstitions or something. Some more unhinged ones wrote you were carrying the new Jesus Christ. 

Clowns.

Next, you searched for “Raphael BG3”. Before you did so, you made sure to hide underneath a blanket, just in case any hidden cameras were watching. It had been far too long since you had seen Raphael’s real face.

Far too long. Where are you, you mouthed at the screen. Where the hell are you? How can I get you back? I miss you.

"Want to play hide and seek?" you heard a deep baritone say. 

CHRIST ON A BIKE! You promptly clicked away and peered from under your blanket.

Yes, of course it was Raul, there to remind you that your never-ending bill was still running. He was getting ready for bed (scandalously early than you expected, not even 10pm), busy unbuttoning his shirt button after button, and he was already giving you The Look. 

Is Raul really forty-seven? Who fucks so much at forty-seven? He should see a doctor, it's not normal. He pulled the blanket off you and looked at your nondescript white t-shirt and plain panties as if you were wearing Agent Provocateur.

Yes, you were definitely about to get fucked. 

Again. 

And again. 

Until you figure out how to get Raphael back. 

Perhaps a ritual to summon the devil? Pentagrams and black candles?

"You're so beautiful," Raul said, pulling down his boxers and giving his erection a few pumps. "I'm delighted to have you back."

You let out a strategic moan as Raul gently guided you onto your back, his index and middle fingers slipping inside you. Not as easily as they used to, that’s for sure.

"You're not wet," Raul said.

Why should you be? Because he showed you his cock?

"…You were always wet before," he continued, a frown on his face. "Even before I touched you. I adored that"

"Pills," was your quick reply. "Side effects. But there's an easy fix."

"Mmhm," he nodded. "Of course."

You were referring to the lubricant, but Raul decided to play the gentleman instead, positioning himself between your knees and planting kisses on your thighs. You ran your fingers through his hair, feeling the gel that kept it slicked back, and clenched it into a fist. 

Not a bad angle, actually. Same hairline, similar foreheads. Yes, great angle. As his tongue circled around your clit, you arched into his mouth, trying your best to relax and go along with it.

Raul looked up at you. Ugh, no, no, wrong eye colour, stop looking, look somewhere else.

"Move your tongue from left to right, horizontally," you asked. "With a bit more force”.

Raul heeded your words. You gave him another critical look, head bobbing as he licked and sucked and moaned. Handsome, yes, more than you cared to admit, more than he deserved, but no, you were not going to come under his tongue for all his efforts.

So you began to strategically time your moans - starting softly, gently, then getting louder - but not too loud. You placed "yeah" and "like that" and "mm, yeah baby" at equal intervals.

He was buying it, you think, looking more and more smug, so you thought it was time to moan a little harder and build up to the final OH YES I AM COMING. You threw your head back and clenched your cunt rhythmically. 

"Brava, mia bella," Raul gasped, the bottom of his face glistening.

Raul wasted no time in climbing on top nd pushing his erection inside you, and you saw red for the second he did which you masked behind “oh, yes, baby” scream.

"Cazzo sì”, he grunted. Crude, but strangely attractive in that Italian mobster sort of way. 

Not that it would help him. That gift Raphael had given you, the pleasure you could achieve by being penetrated, was gone. Completely. You’d have to rub yourself to come underneath Raul (like with any other mortal man), so you resorted to that.

He wedged his knees beneath your thighs to hoist you against his thrusts while his cross swung with each movement; beads of sweat rained down onto you from above. Perhaps you could just yank that cross. Yes, why not. Rip it off and maybe—just maybe—that would liberate Raphael. 

"What are you doing?" Raul stuttered as the gold chain tightened around his neck and he collapsed on top of you. "You want it rougher? No, not in your condition. The doctor said..."

"Fuck Angus," you said, pulling harder, Raul’s reddened, pained face suddenly doing it for you. 

The bloody chain just wouldn't break. 

"Ah, fuck it. Get down on all fours," he said, and you were more than happy to oblige - it was much easier to imagine him as Raphael doing it from behind. He grabbed your hips, clearly venting some pent-up frustrations on you - hair pulling, ass slapping - pounding into you as if he could somehow rid you of Raphael.

Until he slowed down all of sudden.

"…do you remember the night we did coke?" Raul leaned down, his voice full of some intention you could not decipher yet, but definitely nothing good.

Nothing good at all.

"Coke and olanzapine don't mix well," you managed to say between thrusts.

"No, of course not," he snickered. "That's not what I meant. You remember when I tied you up, vibrator in your pussy, and fucked your from behind?"

...yeah, that's not what you remember. 

Having said that, Raul rubbed his wet thumb against your bum. Panic washed over you - God forbid he thought about anal, because today wasn't the day for it.

"No... No... Not today."

Not tomorrow either. Actually, no day was good for anal anymore.

"You loved it last time. You came so hard," he said. "Or is your ass a privilege you only grant the devil?"

His voice took on a cold, metallic tone every time he veered close to the subject of Raphael. 

"No, no. It’s just... the pills messed with my stomach,” you tried to explain yourself. “I don’t want to shit all over the sheets."

"...There's no need for such explicit imagery," Raul chastised before removing his finger. "Fine, when you feel better. God, you cannot imagine all the things I want to do to you when you finally feel better".

You cannot imagine all the things I want to do to you, Raul.

Then he resumed his rhythm and took it up a notch.

"My name”, he said, his fingers digging into your thighs.

"Raul?" You guessed correctly but then realized what he probably wanted something else. “Ah. Raul. Fuck me, Raul. Fuck me, daddy, fuck me hard”.

That’s it, he was coming two thrusts later - then withdrawing as swiftly as he had entered. You didn’t manage to come after all. Teetering close and yet so far, nothing but fog in your brain. You need to flush these damn pills down the toilet.

Raul stretched lazily next to you, looking so satisfied that the urge to punch him was almost overwhelming. 

“Was Raphael better?” he asked in a tone that was meant to sound like he was joking but came off as anything but.

“No”, you said as you looked into the window you once saw Avernus in - you wish you would ever see it again. “You are the best”.

He laid himself on a pillow and snuggled you tight; his face softened, with this slight trace of guilt as he gently stroked your stomach.

“Do you think we should marry in Napoli or Rome, my love?"

“Avernus,” slipped from your lips before you could stop it.

"You mean the lake?" he repeated, slightly confused. "You know, it's actually a beautiful idea. Lakeside wedding in some medieval castle. Yes, I could see that".

Read the rest on Ao3

[goddess-evelle]

Obsessed

Miguel O’hara x latin! nurse wifey

Warnings: Riding, toxic-ish behavior (but not really), sexual references, Miguel is obsessed with you. Grinding, sex p in v. kinda sub Miguel, dom reader ( not too explicitly said)

A/N: There may be some errors. But trustttttt the Spanish is right. Enjoy!

You NEED to read the dialoges with attitude.

Miguel O’hara is a selfish man. This may seem like a surprise to many, since he has given his life to make sure everything goes canonically, but they had never seen the part that he shows you. Therefore, he’ll admit that when it comes to you; he is simply a selfish man, a selfish man that would rather have you all to himself. So, yes, he proudly shows off his wedding ring to anyone that is willing to look, but he doesn’t give any information of you. Because why would he ever give other men a reason to think about you? He only has eyes for you, so he should be the only one looking at you. Don’t get him wrong, he is not an extremely possessive man, he just doesn’t want to share you with the other spider-man. He doesn’t want to have to fight for your time because you are helping other spiders. So, he keeps himself quiet when his injuries make him want to curl into himself in pain, because why would he go to the medics when he has you waiting for him at home. His own little nurse that would make him feel better.

Completely different from what the spiders see when he is working. They see a serious man that takes his job extremely seriously, but at home? He is just a clingy guy that will do anything for you to let him fuck you. Even if it means picking up an extra fight to have you treating his wounds. However, he cannot let you know about this because you will beat his ass, and he’d be damned if he didn’t love a woman that could handle him. He always remembers the first time you met. He thought you were just another damsel in distress, and as he got closer to help; he was the one that ended up with his legs in the air at the sudden throw you gave him to protect yourself. It was then that he saw the supposed aggressor with a black eye. From then on, he did not leave you alone asking you out to different places to eat, he would always pay of course (he wanted to flex, never let you pay once).

Here he stands in front of you with a few pieces broken of his suit; eyes avoiding yours as you stare at the blood dripping to his full lips. He KNOWS what is gonna happen next, and YES he will just stand there and take it. Your hand falls to his ear giving him a yank to bow him to your eye level.

 Damn this motherfucking tall stupid idiot!

“¿Cuántas veces te he dicho que tengas más cuidado peleando?”

“How many times do I have to tell you to be careful when you fight?”

You growl next to his face, but his eyes only look at you as if you are holding the moon in your hands. Your eyes are full of rage.

“Como un nene chiquito, haciendo lo que te dicen que no hagas.”

“Like a little kid doing exactly what I tell you not to do.”

 You push him down to the couch as you gather everything you need to help with his wounds. He knows that despite your angry demeanor, you are only worried about him. Rightfully so, with the way his nose is bruising, his bleeding arm is starting to go numb. You climb on his lap, hands rushing to cup his face and see the damage. You grab a wet wipe to get the blood off his face; watching carefully for if he complains (a new row of insults bubbling in your head). Once that is done, and not happy with the way he is behaving, you press a cold wet towel directly on his nose to stop the swelling. He jolts at the sudden cool feeling.

“Es que te lo digo que tengas cuidado y no, te gusta hacer lo que te da la gana”

“I always tell you to be careful and you don’t listen, always doing whatever you want.”

You finally finish patching up his nose with a pretty white fabric that will reduce the swelling, and you hate to admit how damn handsome your husband looks with his puppy eyes praying a silent apology. You know exactly what he is waiting for. He slowly licks his lips while staring into yours, and you comply. Moving closer to give him a well-deserved kiss. The kiss becomes erotic quickly as he overtakes your mouth by sucking on your tongue. The action makes you moan as his hands are firmly on your waist. Before he can get any more daring, you move away.

“Mami, no seas así, dame un poquito más”

“Mami, don’t be like that, give me a little more” His Deep voice sounds from your neck as he graces the tip of his nose carefully down the column of it inhaling your scent. The action causes to heat pool at your panties, and you are grateful that you are only wearing one of his huge shirts and panties because it will be soooo much easier later when you two actually fuck. You move forwards as if you are going to continue the kiss, and he is so distracted that he doesn’t even notice the way your hand is now on the slash on his arm. Just as you are about to kiss his lips you press your hand into his cut making him groan. It is a little evil, but at the same time you want to see how deep it is. As you continue to check that the cut isn’t really too deep; you move to accommodate yourself on his lap. Let me clarify, you accommodate yourself so that his hard cock lays right in between your pussy. You hum as you start to treat his cut. Hips moving in time with your humming as you grind your clit against his cock. His head rolls back, any pain completely forgotten as he feels your pussy soak through his suit. Fuck he loves that he isn’t wearing any underwear, and he loves even more that he just presses a button to be completely naked. The suit retracts and his cock dangles dripping against his left leg. His cock is simply too big, too thick, too heavy to stand perfectly up. You take more time than needed to enjoy the way the head of his cock teases your clit. Eventually you want to feel the real thing and you take his hand to kiss his knuckles and move his hand to your panties. He takes the hint and snaps them off you.

You don’t waste a single second before you are riding him to death. The way you took him deep with no prep surprises him. (he usually has to prep you A LOT) You whine at the sudden stretch, but you don’t stop as you continue riding him. He gets concerned for a second, he has never seen you ride him this hard.

“Mami, dale s-s suave ah-”

“Mami, go s-s-slow ah-” His hands move to hold your hips, because truly he needs a second to breathe before he comes a little too quickly. You are faster than him holding his hands with yours and putting them under your shirt so that he can play with your tits. You meet a little resistance as he tries to let go to guide you into riding him slower, but you don’t let his hands go.

“P-por favor, mas suave. Perdóname. No- No- No lo vuelvo ah ah hacer, tendré más c-cuidado”

“P-please slow down. I’m sorry. Ah ah I won’t do it again. I’ll be more c-careful.” He mumbles unintelligible. You continue to ride him through his forceful orgasm, as you enjoy your own climax. Tears streaming down his face by the time he finally cums inside of you. You bend down to kiss him, finally letting go of his hands, and he returns the kiss eagerly. A string of saliva unites you as you kiss his forehead.

“Tienes que tener más cuidado, mi amor.”

“My love, you have to be more careful.” You share whispered “I love you’s” before taking a sweet bath.

Feedback is appreciated.

[cheerycherrycandy-resurrected]

What You've Done, You Cannot Undo (Medieval AU)

Chapter 16

The ghouls split off to spend a day exploring the Abbey. Rain opens up to a new friend.

And to balance out the fluff from last week, here is a dialogue dump to move things along to what we're all really here for (and no, I don't mean a convoluted segue into how The Band Ghost™ can exist in this universe, but that is also coming)!

Rating: M Content: guilt Words: 5596

Links to full fic: Tumblr | AO3

Hi tag pals! @everybodyshusband @revengeghoulette

Read below, or on AO3!

Dew and Rain returned the remains of their breakfast to the common room before they left, and found Mist already waiting for them with Sunshine by her side.

“Ready to go swimming, boys?” She grinned. “Sunny’s promised to bring us a picnic later if you behave. That means no pushing your husband in the lake,” she pointed an accusatory finger at Rain, but her eyes sparkled with mirth, “mostly because I don’t want to have to hear him complaining about his hair afterwards.”

“Promise!” Rain chirped, itching to get his gills wet. Dew was too pleased to hear him speak again to really care about any jibes Mist threw his way. He huffed anyway though, pulling another giggle from Rain.

By the time they were down at the lake, the sun was high in the sky. It shone warmly on Dew’s skin and reflected brightly off of the water’s surface, making him occasionally lose sight of the two frolicking water ghouls. Everything about the situation was peaceful; he could hardly think of a happier moment, and certainly nowhere else he would rather be. He thought all his years of pain might just be worth it, if he got to keep this life that was dangled before his eyes. His pack were together and safe, ghouls who despite many ups and downs had trusted him when it mattered most by allowing him to bring them here. The ghoulettes, who had taken him in when he had nothing, and had not only forgiven him for his sudden departure but welcomed him back with open arms.

Especially precious, was the friendship that seemed to be developing between the two water ghouls in the lake. Dew had watched the pair take off, racing to the centre of the lake with shrieks of competitive joy. They had come back to pester him on the dock a few times in the hours they must have been here, but now they seemed to be gossiping together, purposely just out of his earshot. They occasionally shot him covert glances when they thought he wasn't watching, but Dew couldn't find it in himself to care: Mist would never share anything he wouldn't want her to, and there was little Rain could say to her that she couldn't have already known or assumed. After the revelations of the day before, Dew was also relieved Rain had a ghoul of his own element to bond with, one who could explain things the rest of them had no knowledge or experience with. Seeing the two interacting like old friends, one the first to truly see Dewdrop, the other the first he wanted to truly bare his soul to, filled him with more warmth than the sun beating down from above ever could.

As Dew lay on the dock watching them, Rain was having immense fun with Mist. She was small, but she was strong; giving him a real challenge as they raced around the lake. Rain couldn't remember the last time he had this much space to swim in, and he could feel his muscles unfurling as he pushed himself to swim faster. They stopped when the dock was a mere speck in the distance, shouting with joy and exhilaration. Rain panted, lashing his tail through the water to send himself into a spin. Mist giggled as he splashed her, before plunging under the water and tearing towards the lakebed. He gave chase, eyes widening as the light faded the deeper they got. Sat on the sandy ground in victory, Mist blew out the breath she had been holding in a ring of bubbles towards Rain, both of their gills flaring as they laughed.

She kicked off, still underwater, back in the direction they had come from. Rain followed behind as they glided past tall stems of underwater plants, fronds reaching out towards the trespassers with curious, spindly, green fingers. The fish here were unfamiliar to Rain too; larger, more suited to the slightly chilly water temperature. He spotted many more shells dotting the floor, like the one he had given to Dew yesterday. Mist kicked through the teal-tinted water, back towards the sunlight reaching down from above. They resurfaced, close enough to the pier and Dewdrop that Rain could make out his relieved facial expression at seeing them again, but far enough away that they would have to shout for him to hear. Rain raised an arm to wave at him and giggled as Dew waved back.

He looked back at Mist, to find her grinning at him.

“Oh, you are down bad!” She crowed. Rain blushed and dunked himself back under the water to escape her all-knowing smirk. Mist caught hold of him with her tail, stopping him from fleeing and dragging him back up.

“Don't worry, he is too,” the water ghoulette cackled teasingly, “I can't tell if you'll both be more or less insufferable to be around once you figure things out.”

Rain pouted at her; he didn't want to think about that right now: there was still the possibility that Dew's recent attention was just a crush, and he didn't think his heart could take being broken twice.

That reminded him of something he had wanted to ask Mist: she had tried to explain how he was able to cause to much damage in the fields that day, but he hadn't fully understood everything. He knew his nightmare about his past love had been a catalyst for the destruction, but he wasn't sure how much danger his past memories still posed to those around him.

“I wanted to ask about something, about my power?”

Mist heard the change in his tone, and stopped her teasing immediately.

“What did you want to know, Minnow?”

“That morning, when everything happened,” Rain couldn't bring himself to say the words ‘when I killed those people’, “there was a girl who looked like someone I knew, someone I'd had a nightmare about that morning.”

If Mist was shocked, she didn't show it.

“What if that made things worse?” Rain continued in a whisper, “What if I didn't need to hurt anyone? Maybe they were right, maybe I am a monster!”

“Oh Rain,” Mist couldn’t hide the sadness in her voice at the thought of the sweet water ghoul holding so much guilt in his heart, “you couldn’t help it! This kind of thing is rare, but it happens. The unpredictability is part of being a water ghoul.”

“Maybe your nightmare was the overtopping wave that set this off,” she continued, unsure if she was helping or not. Rain deserved to hear the truth however, “but you couldn’t have stopped it if it was. For you to be this age and not have full control of your element was becoming dangerous – the sooner everything overflowed the better. The longer you went on as you were, the more damage you were going to cause when it eventually exploded, and isn’t it better that you didn’t injure your pack?”

“I didn’t want more power though,” Rain lamented, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, “not if it meant hurting anyone! I was happy as I was, I just assumed I was a naturally weak water ghoul.”

“I know, I know,” Mist soothed him, “knowing why it happened doesn’t make it any better.”

Rain shook his head in agreement.

“One more thing,” he glanced towards Dew, “the nightmares. They haven’t stopped, or changed. They just feature someone else now…”

“Dew.”

No acknowledgement was needed; it was clear on in the agony on Rain’s face that she was correct.

“What if I hurt him next time?” Rain’s voice was uncharacteristically cold, the idea so horrific that his own mind was trying to numb the thought of it. Mist could see how viscerally scared he was.

“I promise that won’t happen Rain,” her tone was one of utter conviction in her words, “this sort of thing just doesn’t happen twice. As long as you take care of yourself, your element should be stabilised but stronger.”

Rain was still scared, but the burning intensity in Mist’s icy blue eyes was undeniably truthful.

“If you’re still worried, we can practice together? Help you get used to the new sensations so you can feel how to control it better?”

Mist’s suggestion comforting him, Rain sniffed and nodded. He was so frightened of hurting Dew, or anyone else, through his own ignorance. He would do whatever it took to guarantee that it could never happen again.

The pair floated in silence for a while longer, pensive and thoughtful. Rain shot another look at the dock: Dew looked like he had fallen asleep, his head resting on his arms where he was laid on his front.

“Go on, tell me about him.” Mist tried, hoping to distract Rain from his darker thoughts.

It worked. Rain’s mind immediately cycled through all of the new sides he had seen to Dewdrop over the last week.

“I don’t know where to start,” he confessed, “it feels like he’s changed so much just in the last weeks, like he’s let go of some wall he had up.”

“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” Mist prompted.

Rain did. He started by describing Dew's early reaction to him, and his own attempts to bond with the fire ghoul who smelled so faintly familiar of water. He told her about their argument the morning of the incident, how Dew had poked at his deepest insecurities, proving himself to be the very sort of fire ghoul he had been fearful he was.

“Stupid boy,” Mist huffed, “I'm sorry he was like that. I know he hurts inside, but that's no excuse.”

Rain shrugged. “Not your fault though, is it.” He could see how deeply Mist cared for Dew, their bond almost like that of an older sister and young, clueless brother, and how Dew's own misdeeds hurt her in turn.

Everything had changed after that day, Rain explained. From the moment he saw Dew staring down into his jail cell, barely believing it was him in his woozy haze, he had seen a different side to him. Whether through misplaced guilt or genuine affection, Dew had shown himself to be sweet and caring, and Rain was falling further for him every day.

“He's like a different ghoul now,” Rain sighed, “he's kind, he seems happier, but I don't know how much of it is real, and how much is just him making up for his past behaviour.”

“Rain, Honey, I think you might be overthinking this,” Mist looked at him like he was phenomenally stupid, “he's clearly infatuated with you. Even when he was here before, he had defences around him that were a mile high, but you seem to have swanned past them like they weren't even there!”

Rain considered her words. “I don't understand how he changed his mind about me so soon though. He hated me before!”

“Dew is very good at denying himself what he wants,” mused Mist, “but you'd need to ask him why he was trying to push you away.”

“I see how he looks at me,” Rain murmured, “there's got to be something there, right?”

He felt awkward saying it aloud, but Mist was right; he saw how the fire ghoul stared at him with a barely concealed mixture of want and reverence.

“I'd say more than something,” snorted Mist, “he was practically salivating over you yesterday. You two need to sort that out for the rest of our sakes. The tension is killing me!”

Rain giggled but was by no means averse to the idea. He just needed to work out what to say to Dewdrop, and how he would cope if he rejected him. In the meantime, he could selfishly continue to enjoy basking in Dew's less than subtle gaze, soaking in the feel of his eyes burning into him.

“You'd better be serious about him though,” Mist warned him, suddenly looking threatening as she stared Rain directly in the eyes, making him squirm, “break his heart, and I'll tear your fins off one by one with my teeth.” She snapped them for effect.

Rain nodded frantically. “I would never!” His eyes burning with a passionate conviction, he raised his hands out of the water first in a placating gesture, and then faced them towards each other, sending a volley of turquoise sparks arcing between them. “I won't let anyone or anything else hurt him, either.”

“Hells below you are terrifying!” Mist's stern facade dissolved like sugar into the lake, as she laughed in disbelief at Rain's newfound ability. “Seems like you've got a pretty good grasp of your element already, you don't need me!”

Shaking his head adamantly, Rain gazed at her with imploring eyes.

“No, please teach me! I can't risk hurting him again.”

“You won't,” Mist assured him, “but we can practice regardless. Let's start with waking up your ghoul, shall we?” A wicked grin stretched across her face.

Rain looked back at the dock. Dew was very clearly sound asleep now, his tail hanging limp over the edge and trailing through the water. He had an urge to chase it like a cat with a ball of string.

Mist glanced up at the sky, looking at the position of the sun overhead.

“Sunny will be here soon with a picnic. Perfect timing.” She looked at Rain's hands. “Here's what we're going to do.”

Dew didn't know when he had fallen asleep, only that he must have done. His whole body felt warm after soaking up the sun like a lizard all morning, every knot in his muscles working its way loose. His peaceful dozing was rudely interrupted by a sudden cold shock, the feeling of a hosepipe directed precisely at his forehead.

“Wha– pffttt!” Dew spluttered as he jolted back into consciousness, coming to terms with his surroundings, and then the two water ghouls bobbing in front of him with matching angelic smiles.

“Hello sleepyhead,” Mist cooed, “it's almost lunchtime!”

“You,” Dew glowered at the pair, but there was no heat behind it, “when I find out which of you that was...”

“Oh hush!” laughed Mist, hauling herself onto the pier and sprawling out to let the sun dry off her tank top and shorts.

Dew had managed to avoid seeing Rain divesting his shirt earlier that morning, feigning interest in rolling up the cuffs of his trousers instead. Now though, the sight of Rain pulling himself up onto the dock was inescapable, and so, so much more distracting. His shoulders, strengthened from years of swimming in a way his recent sickness hadn't been able to take away, flexed temptingly. Water cascaded off them in rivulets which only served to highlight them further, and Dew wanted to sink his teeth into them. He knew he was staring, as the rest of Rain came into view. He felt lightheaded, his eyes tracking the droplets of water as they traced paths over his chest and down his flat stomach, running along the jut of his hipbones and leading to–

“Get a room!” Drawled Mist, without even looking up.

Dew forced his gaze away from the water ghoul, who sat himself on the edge of the pier with one knee temptingly bent, leaned back on his elbows and smirking. He was going to be the death of him.

“Rinse your hair through, I'll braid it again.” He mumbled gruffly, partly glad of an excuse to avoid Rain's knowing gaze.

That was how Sunshine and the others found them a short while later; Mist still laid flat on her back, and a tomato-faced Dew sat carefully plaiting a shirtless Rain's hair. It was impossible to ignore how close Swiss and Mountain were, plodding along behind her as she skipped along the wooden panelling clutching a basket. Aether too seemed happier; walking with a spring in his step.

“You all look very cosy,” Sunshine laughed as she plopped herself down next to Mist with an ungraceful thump. Dew's blush intensified again, while Rain's tail happily slapped the deck next to him. He wondered to himself as he secured the ends of Rain's hair, what exactly the others had got up to this morning to leave them in such a good mood.

~~~~~~~

Shortly after Rain and Dew had left for the lake, Aether had also wandered out. He had intended to head straight to the library but gotten lost along the way. Wandering aimlessly through endless stone corridors, he had eventually bumped into a sort-of-familiar face.

"Hello Aether,” smiled Astra, the senior infirmary ghoulette dressed in regular clothes rather than the standard Abbey uniform or the lighter fabrics the infirmary ghouls wore while on duty, “how are you doing? I assume Mist was correct about Rain, since we haven't seen him since?” Her expression was sheepish, ashamed to have been unable to help the water ghoul.

“Hello,” Aether bowed his head graciously, “yes, Rain is doing much better now.”

The relief on her face was crystal clear.

“Please don’t let yourself feel guilty about it though,” Aether added, “Mist stressed how rare an occurrence this was, especially in a ghoul his age! It would take another water ghoul to notice.”

“She would be the one to know,” Astra nodded, “coming from a clan as ancient as hers. She’s still going to give us Hell for not knowing this though, and quite rightfully!”

“From what I’ve seen of her, yes she will.” Aether smiled ruefully.

“So, what’s next for your pack?” She asked. “Do you think you’ll stay here? Move on?”

“We haven’t decided yet,” ‘that would be a whole pack decision’, thought Aether, “but it seems very nice here so far. It’s very different from how we lived before, though.”

Astra nodded. She had seen many ghouls come and go, some staying for weeks or months like Dewdrop; others staying many decades before moving on, if they chose to at all.

“Well, if you do decide to stay, you’ll always have a place working with us in the infirmary should you want it. The contents of the encyclopaedia you and your packmate wrote is far and above the knowledge of some of the quintessence ghouls here!”

“Thank you, I’ll bear that in mind.” Aether was a little surprised to hear her make an offer so brazenly – didn’t decisions like that have to pass through the man in charge here? It was one more question to ask him, he supposed.

The older quintessence ghoulette beamed a luminous smile at him.

“Anyway, where are you off to?” she asked, more conversationally now.

“I was looking for the library,” he paused, looking around at the many identical hallways, “but I think I’m a bit lost.”

“It can be a maze in here!” Astra chuckled, “Look for the small carvings in the ground. The symbols direct you,” she pointed at an upside down cross with an incomplete circle around the lower half, “this is the symbol of our church. So it points to the Chapel.”

Aether squinted at the marks in the marble. She reached out with a foot and nudged a different one, a symbol resembling a scroll. “You want to go this way.”

She pointed at the neighbouring symbol, a snake winding around a club. “I’m heading to the infirmary, so the library is on my way.”

In relief, Aether set off after her.

“Are you looking for Copia?”

Aether nodded. “Our introduction got cut short the other day. I wanted to thank him, and have a chat about expectations here.”

“I’ll take you straight to his study then. He’s probably hidden away in there again.”

The library was mostly empty when they entered, especially compared to the busy and studious atmosphere of last time. A handful of ghouls were sat around in the scattered chairs, along with a few humans in black and white robes. Astra led him through the library and down a passageway leading from the back corner to a small door, left welcomingly ajar. Astra rapped her knuckles on the door frame regardless, before poking her head round.

“I've got a visitor for you, Papa.”

The man looked up from his desk, age lines smoothing slightly as he relaxed his eyes and refocussed on the ghouls hovering in his doorway.

“Good morning, my dear ghouls!” He stood up and bustled around the desk to greet them. “Aether, I hear your young packmate is on the mend! Wonderful, wonderful...”

Aether nodded with a smile.

“Hello again, Papa Emeri– uh,” he paused, “how should I address you?”

“Just Copia or Papa is fine, that’s what most people call me round here!” he laughed. “Thank you Astra!” he called after the ghoulette as she wiggled her fingers in a goodbye, and disappeared back up the corridor to begin her shift.

“Thank you Copia, Rain is doing much better now.” Aether followed him to a pair of comfy armchairs in the opposite corner to the desk.

He filled the older man in as best he could, quickly summarising Mist's solution and Rain's immediate improvement.

“My my, how peculiar and fantastic your kind's power can be,” Copia listened, enraptured, “I am delighted the young one is feeling better. I hope I can meet him at some point?”

Aether shrugged, “He's rightfully a bit wary of humans right now, but I'm sure he'll come around.”

“Yes, indeed. Sometimes the behaviour of my own species appals even me...” The sad look in his eyes spoke of decades of witnessed tragedy. “I hope he knows he is safe here.”

“I'm sure of it,” Aether had no doubts there – the environment so far had felt nothing but safe and welcoming, “I wanted to thank you, actually. Not just for taking us all in so suddenly, but for taking Dew in before.”

“It is nothing, dear ghoul,” Copia talked with his hands a lot, noticed Aether, as he began gesturing wildly, “that is the very reason for this place! You ghouls are the pinnacle of His most marvellous creations, and my duty to serve Him is my duty to you.”

Aether had been under the impression that most people saw ghouls as His unholy servants, there for Him to command. Seeing this man so dedicated, both to their Unholy Father, and to His ghouls was a delightfully refreshing change.

“I hope you all know you are safe and welcome here,” he continued, “and I dearly hope you decide to stay. You would be a real boon to our little community.”

The pair stayed talking; about Aether's previous travels, his life within the pack, and the role of ghouls within the Abbey. Aether found him extremely easy to talk to, once they had both navigated past initial formalities, and could instantly see how he inspired such loyalty from the ghouls who lived here. His original mission of collecting their book was quite forgotten by the time Sunshine appeared to collect him for their lunchtime picnic. He left, with promises to return.

~~~~~~~

The last to leave the Den that morning had been Swiss and Mountain. The two had taken their time, in no great hurry to rush what was shaping up to be a completely relaxed morning. By the time they made it outside, the sun was high in the sky above them and casting an optimistic yellow glow on their surroundings.

Yesterday on their tour, Sunshine had beelined straight to the complex of greenhouses, but today they took in the gardens around them. The whole area was well maintained and cared for, even the moss growing around the paviours seemed especially luscious and fluffy. Directly outside the door they exited through, they found themselves in a landscaped garden, but one which served to highlight the natural world rather than control it. The hedges outlining the paths grew in chaotic patterns, themselves dictating the curve of the walkways between them. No two neighbours were the same, leading to a contrasting jumble of colours and textures. Adding to the organic beauty of the garden were the clusters of wildflowers scattered like confetti at a wedding, all growing bigger and more vibrant than the environment outside the walls of the Abbey would allow for.

Here and there along the winding trail through the centre of the garden, the shrubs had made way for the outside influence of benches carved from fallen trees. The bushes curled their arms protectively around those who entered, shielding them for a moment from those outside of their domain. Swiss imagined sitting out here on a summer’s evening, so close to the Abbey and yet in a wholly separate world. He thought about all the secrets the plants had overheard in the aeons they had grown here; how many generations of whispered conversations, quiet declarations of love and tears of private sorrow they had watched over.

The spiralling paths relinquished them back into the glaring sunshine all too soon, the pair walking in companionable silence towards the orchard that lay between the Abbey and the lake. From up here at the foot of the building, they had a spectacular view over the surrounding countryside and the unfamiliar environment they now found themselves in.

“It’s so… different?” Swiss murmured, taking in the horizon pierced by faint mountains, almost transparent with distance. “The sky seems taller, somehow.”

The ghouls hadn’t lived in a flat region before, by any means. The vast expanse of rolling green hills had seemed to stretch forever back there, a never-ending patchwork of small fields and forests all sewn together by meandering rivers and streams. Mountain had wandered his whole life, yet the village he landed in with Aether was the furthest from his birthplace he had ever been. Contrary to what his name suggested, he was from a disarmingly flat region; one where the horizon both felt infinitely far away, and so close one could reach out and pluck it from the sky. The distance to the mountain peaks made his whole life’s journeys pale into insignificance; feeling like he had walked in circles for decades. The horizon had never felt so distant, the world never so big. Mountain felt the familiar tug, begging him to explore his far-off, snow-capped namesakes, a call to experience something new and spectacular.

“I travelled so much, before,” Mountain mused, “and yet there is so much more to see.”

Beside him, Swiss looked at the landscape in awe. Mountain felt his warm presence beside him, and an even stronger pull to follow the multi ghoul to the ends of the earth. Whether that was to the impossibly distant peaks and beyond, or no further than the lake at the bottom of the hill, Mountain thought he would be happy.

Shaking himself from the hypnotic hold the view had him under, Swiss continued slowly towards the orchard, checking over his shoulder for the earth ghoul who followed as though drawn by magnetic forces. Once they were under its protective canopy, no longer able to see the vast and overwhelming expanse surrounding them, he felt safer and less exposed. Here, the sunlight filtered down through the trees, picking up the colours of the leaves in addition to its golden hue. The rays danced through their hair, glinting off the small gold beads woven into Swiss', and making Mountain's auburn waves glow like molten copper. The pair sat on another conveniently positioned bench under the shade of a pear tree

“It feels peaceful here,” sighed Swiss, leaning back with his legs outstretched, “quiet, at last.”

“How are you doing Snapdragon?” Mountain asked, having noticed Swiss was quieter than usual over the last few days. “It's okay if everything's a bit much here, I feel it too.”

Swiss thought for a second before answering.

“It's just a lot of change,” he replied, finally, “everything's different, there's a lot of new faces, and I'm so tired Mount.”

Summoning all of his courage, Mountain shuffled closer to Swiss on the bench and placed an arm tentatively around his hunched shoulders. To his delight, the multi ghoul immediately slumped against him, grateful for the comfort.

“There are a lot of new faces,” Mountain agreed, slightly overwhelmed by them himself, “and it's so big here. Is that what's bothering you?”

Swiss shook his head, his hair tickling Mountain's armpit where it brushed against him.

“I'm still having visions. Lots of them.” Swiss admitted. “They're not bad!” He added hurriedly, seeing Mountain's horrified face and feeling him flinch around him. “They haven't been about Rain for a while either. They're just a lot of noise really, and lots of faces I don't recognize. It's like I'm getting fragments of a story, but told out of order and with the names removed.”

Mountain hummed sympathetically. Swiss had struggled with an influx of visions when he first joined the pack; unused to having the four other ghouls so present in his subconscious and producing unbidden premonitions. Suddenly having hundreds more not only made his head a loud and busy place but raised other questions about who these unknown ghouls were, and why they would feature so strongly in his future. They lapsed into silence for a while, both afraid to disrupt the delicate balance of their current position.

“Do you think you'd want to stay here?” Mountain asked after a while. Swiss thought for a second before answering.

“I think so. I'm not made for a life of travelling like you and Aeth, I want to settle somewhere, like we were before at the farmhouse.”

Absently playing with one of Swiss's dreadlocks, Mountain nodded pensively.

“I hadn't thought about it much, not until recently,” he admitted eventually, “I was moving around for so long, even after I met Aeth. Our life in the village was so different to what I was used to before, but I think I miss it already.”

After what felt like an eternity of constantly needing to keep moving, his life with the pack had given him a taste of what a settled existence could look like. In the village though, there had been the constant threat of the fragile truce they had with the humans collapsing. When it inevitably had, the pack had bolted like rats from a sinking ship. Here at the Abbey, he had glimpsed the first refuge that felt truly safe; this place was designed around them, His ghouls. They were not interlopers here, treated with a constant air of suspicion, but rather the intended residents. This place felt like it could be a home.

“I think I want to stay too,” he finished, “I want the life the ghouls here have, a real community. No more running.”

‘I want it with you!’ His internal voice screamed.

Swiss twisted to look up at him, golden eyes glowing in delight.

“It sounds like we want the same thing then.”

Oh, how Mountain hoped that was true.

The pair sat as they were for a while longer, soaking in the peaceful atmosphere the trees provided. Neither of them wanted to move, yet there was so much more to see and explore, the beauty of their surroundings eventually pulling them back to their feet. As they wandered, they were so close their hands kept brushing, sending synchronised sparks up their arms every time. Mountain resumed their activity from the long journey northwards; naming the various flora he recognised. The fruit trees were obvious to both him and Swiss, but some of the myriad of smaller plants were a mystery to them both.

Swiss quickly found himself becoming distracted again, as fascinating as Mountain’s explanations were, by the way the sun caught the high angles of his face and his hair danced in the light breeze. His antlers were unglamoured, catching the wayward strands in their many outstretched fingers, in a way Swiss wanted to copy. His eyes sparkled with interest as he talked, glowing an even more vibrant green than the leaves of the trees around them. Swiss loved seeing the reserved ghoul like this, blooming like one of the flowers he loved so much as he waxed lyrical about whichever of nature’s wonders had caught his eye.

“Are you even listening?” the earth ghoul laughed, making Swiss realise he had been staring, lost in his own thoughts.

“Of course!” he spluttered indignantly. Mountain’s carefree laugh suggested he didn’t believe him.

“We should think about heading down to the lake soon for the picnic anyway,” Mountain said, looking up at the position of the sun, “see how Rain and Dew are doing.”

“What, see if they’ve finally noticed how completely gone for each other they are?” Snickered Swiss, thinking of his own predicament. Maybe talking about their smitten younger packmates would inspire the courage in him to say something to the subject of his own affections? That was possibly wishful thinking on his part, however...

“See if Mist’s bashed their heads together yet…” Mountain nodded in a mock-serious tone.

They laughed together all the way down the hill, not stopping even when Sunshine appeared behind them, overtaking to lead the way to their packmates on the dock.

A very pink Dewdrop was sat braiding Rain’s hair as they approached. Mountain shot a look at Swiss, and shook his head; it didn’t seem there had been any further developments between the pair. Their current position was still incredibly cosy though, a far cry from their volatile relationship of a few weeks previously.

“Soon,” Swiss whispered, “I give them a week.”

They cackled to each other, unaware that one of the subjects of their mirth was thinking the exact same thing about them.

[starres-stuff]

Day 17: Sally FFXIV Write 2024

Sally: a sudden charge out of a besieged place against the enemy; a sortie.

“How did you shatter your shoulder anyways, I don't think you ever told me that tale. Did you spin too hard and fall off a stage while practicing?” 

Vi closed her eyes and let out a soft huff. She had brought Dimitri to the Archer's Guild practice range to try and accomplish two things at once; the unfortunate part of her rigorous schedule. What she thought would happen was he would sit studiously nearby and watch arrows fly from the various booths that made up the range. When she extended the offer it was the perfect way to spend time with her twin and get a bit of practice in to try and strengthen her arm. 

“There are things that others, including my husbands, do not know about me, brother.” It was the simplest answer she could give without telling him anything more, the concept of keeping her past where it was, was always her preference unless she had a meeting with Father Ashax that day. 

“Were you some kind of Ishgardian Spy in the War?” Dimitri had read too many books. This was a very true thing, in his mind as he thought about it, he found himself marveling over all the things she could have been that she didn't want to talk about. 

“She was a mighty fine Bounty Hunter is what she was.” The voice came out of nowhere, and the scowl on Vi's face appeared instantly, she was about to regret this choice even more, it seemed. 

“Ellie,” she said in a near-cold tone, turning her head to stare at the woman as she approached with that natural shit-eating grin of hers locked on her face. “Meet my twin, Dimitri.” a hand waved to the man who looked like he was about to burst from excitement. 

“A Bounty Hunter? My Sister? Miss freeze it in ice and walk away? Surely you jest? I cannot picture hunting someone or something for that matter.” A fair bit of mirth was detectable in his voice by now and his eyes darted between the two to capture each detail he could. 

“Ellie, I would--” There was no chance to get a word in edgewise, now. Animated fed animated and soon the tale was being spun as if she wasn't even there. 

“Before her accident, your sister was a hells of a fighter. When we first met her she went by Myseri. Said it was her Pa’s nickname for her. Something to do with her name being Seriphinia. If I remember right.” 

“Middle name” The Sharlayan raised an eyebrow at his Sister, this was already a side of her he had not been expecting. “But do go on.” Vi just groaned and turned her attention to the hay bales with the targets pinned to them, accepting there was no way to stop this.” 

“We had gone to Corethas, tracking down this Voidsent that had been attacking the Beast Tribes and some of the denizens of the Deepwoods. It was cold as Halone's smile that day, damn Blizzard had rolled in while we were on rest, slowed us down more than I care to admit to, but eventually we came upon this Manor House that was under siege by this crazed Void Mage and his Voidsent army. We had hidden in the interior of one of the other Manor Houses that had been ripped apart during the Calamity and used it as a shield from the attacks. Fire and Void Magic were flying in each direction when yer Sister caught sight of our mark lumbering towards a cave at the back of the Manor’s property.” Ellie stopped to breathe then and also leaned over to poke her old friend in the side to break her concentration on the shot she had been aiming for a while now. Thankfully Vi had tuned them out so well that she hardly noticed the poke. 

“So she was a Superhero like the comic you see in the one gil books!” It was remarkable how excited Dimitri was over a simple story. This Vi noticed despite her aim and she inwardly groaned at the nonsense that she heard from behind her. 

“Next thing we know this feisty little thing you call Sister, darts out of our hiding spot and right into enemy territory she goes. I still don't know how they didn't see her or any of us for that matter, as we took off running after her, found ourselves in this ice cave a couple of clicks off from where the larger fight and here was your sister with a fire arrow trained right on the bastard's lone eye, right in the middle of his forehead. Right as the attack started, she let the shot go, nicked the ugly bastard's eye, and sent it right after her. Next thing we know he's got her off the ground, some kind of void telepathy and he threw her right into the cave wall like she was nothing more than a doll! We thought she was a goner for sure, especially after we heard the bones cracking and saw her slide down the wall when he let go of her we eventually killed it, was a hells of a fight that's for sure. Then we got her a healer to care for her wounds.” 

Dimitri stood up and clapped, the sound so loud that it echoed through the small area, thankfully no one else was in earshot. “Twelve be damned, my Sister once knew how to fight. Who would have believed that.” The snark in his voice was ever so noticeable, the fact she had never spoken of any of this resting heavy on him at the moment to the point it made him irritable to even think she would hide such a great definition of who she was. 

“Done now?” Vi asked nonchalantly as she pulled another arrow from the quiver and knocked it against the bowstring. She really did hate these stories, something she kept to herself because she wanted them forgotten.

“Well, there was that one time.” Ellie started to say, another story bubbling on her lips but she found herself staring down the shaft of an arrow and she let out a peal of laughter that rolled on in an echo; even after she had fallen silent. 

[shinagawa-division]

Night had long fallen on the division of Shinagawa, and Ritsuko Okada was glad for it as it meant that she wouldn’t have to deal with the disturbances of people trying to give her presents for her birthday. As if she cared for things of that sort of sentiment nature. When all of a sudden Ritsuko heard a knock at her door. It was a rare occurrence for the scientist as very few had the courage to encroach on her territory. Deciding to see who was foolish brave enough to stand at her door, Ritsuko walked from her office to the front door. However, when she opened the door, not even Ritsuko was expecting the person in front of her. Kanra Akemi was standing in front of her and, judging by the gift in her hand, had come to deliver it to her for her birthday. 

“...Happy Birthday Ritsuko-san….I know it’s really late, but I wanted to give you this in person…” Kanra gently shoved the gift into Ritsuko’s hands and took a deep breath as if to prepare herself. “....You feel important to me…and yet I feel so angry at you…I know you have the answers as to who I am…and maybe one day you’ll tell me…but not now…I’m not ready to hear anything…or if I ever will be. So…I’ll see you soon, hopefully...” 

Then, before the raven haired woman could open her mouth to say something, Kanra had begun to run away from the residence. Leaving Ritsuko to watch the pink haired girl as she disappeared from view. Gazing down at the gift in her hands, Ritsuko wasn't entirely sure what to feel. Happiness that Kanra had given her a gift or sorrow that even now Kanra could not fully remember her. Deciding to settle on, neither Ritsuko closed the door behind her. Now, back in her office, the scientist sat down in her chair and began to open the gift. 

Inside the gift box were 2 items. The first was a spider brooch with several green agates embedded into it. The other item was something that immediately grabbed Ritsuko’s attention. It was a vial filled with a poisonous purple colored gas. It was nothing that Ritsuko was familiar with, and she had to wonder where Kanra had gotten her hands on it. Seeing a note inside the box, Ritsuko picked it up and began to read.

Dear Mama Ritsuko-san,

I hope you enjoy the gifts I got you. I saw the brooch at a store, and you popped into my mind. Spiders and green are very you, ya know? The vial, however, I think you’ll find…interesting. It’s something I managed to take from Kaoru’s more dangerous collection. She says it enters the brain and immediately begins to attacking it, rapidly rotting it from the inside out. A horribly agonizing way to die is how Kaoru puts it. I would question why she made something like that, but I’ve learned it’s better not to ask. Maybe you can get some sort of use out of it. I’m sure you’ve made plenty of enemies in your lifetime. 

– Kanra A.

Ritsuko held the spider brooch in her hand, her thumb gently brushing over the smooth gems. Despite her blank expression, the scientist was in deep thought, even after everything, it seemed like Kanra had a habit of taking after her brother because she did not expect her to send something much less actually show up on her doorstep.

A part of her, albeit a very small one, wanted to call out to her, invite her in, God knows that there was a lot that needed to be said but another part of her, a much larger and logical one, agreed with Kanra that now was not the time or place. It would come soon though, she was sure of it, no one can resist the call of curiosity, especially with answers so close you can just reach out and grab it.

Her daughter creation had grown so much and Ritsuko wanted to see if all that work would pay off, for her to realize her true potential, for her to earn the answers she seeks, the ravenette does not believe in foolish concepts like “regret” but even she cannot deny that there was still so much more she wanted to teach and show her. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh before standing up and walking over to the coat rack on the wall where her infamous white lab coat sat hanging, she grabbed hold of it and removed the old brooch that was clipped onto her breast pocket and replaced it with the new one.

“Theta, my dear. For your sake and mine, I hope you’ll find the answers you seek and that you don’t let it change you.”

Thank you for the gift!

[darethshirl]

solas exchange fics!!

this post is criminally late omg but I finally got around to it! This was by far the most fun I’ve ever had with an exchange (not to toot our own horn lmao) and there were so many many many beautiful works created that I’m gonna rec more fics than usual!

My gifts:

strike a match (whisper my name) by @dreadfutures (Solas & Dorian, 8500 words, T rated)

Blood magic. Blight magic. Time magic.

From the earliest troubles of the Inquisition, it is clear that the topics are intertwined, and Dorian is determined to tease it all out. He is, after all, the brightest thaumaturge Minrathous has seen in an Age.

If only Solas would recognize the fact, they might truly get somewhere.

A Dorian pov that’s both delightful and makes you feel things 🥺🥺 Dorian is so very clever, and pushes back juuust enough to get some fun reactions from Solas 👀👀 Also this fic follows them both through-out the inquisition AND afterwards, so that was Fun 👀

-

Fen'Harel and the Halla by sweaterghost (Fen’harel & Ghilan’nain, 2500 words, T rated)

Reality seems to break, as if Ghilan’nain has torn it apart with her hands.

The new creature emerges from that break as if born, bloody and panting on the floor of Ghilan’nain’s laboratory.

And it is horrible.

Or: Solas remembers his friendship with Ghilan'nain and how it fell apart. Told in vignettes.

Some G L O R I O U S horror happening in this fic 👀👀👀👌👌👌Beautiful and dark and visceral, this was everything I could have ever hoped for in a Ghilan’nain fic 👌 gimme more cold pitiless mad scientist Ghil please and thank you

My offering:

shed all your layers (Anders & Solas, 4300 words, T rated)

When Anders returns blearily to consciousness the first thing he sees is the earthy ceiling of a cave, badly illuminated by a nearby campfire. The second thing he sees, when he turns his head, is a pair of luminescent eyes staring right at him.

“Maker!” Anders jerks upright, scrambling for his staff. His magic flares up in a sputtering, flimsy barrier. “What the—who the hell are you?”

The pair of eyes belongs to an elven man, crouching next to Anders, wearing traveler’s clothes and a neutral, calm expression. “Good. I see your body has recovered,” he says, evidently unfazed by both the shouting and the magic. He rises up—and up, and up; this stranger is tall—and turns back towards his campfire. “Do try not to make any more sudden movements though.”

—

Two hermits, carrying their own secrets, stumble upon each other.

well!! I don’t have anything to say about this other that I had an enormous amount of fun writing it! 😂 I never knew how much I wanted these two to snipe at eachother until I had it. Also while Justice wasn’t a significant enough presence to merit his own tag, his ghost haunts the narrative the entire time

special shoutouts to:

where all roads lead by @apostacism/wilderferns (Solas/Female Lavellan, 10000 words, T rated)

"Lavellan sometimes came awake from dreams in which her lover watched her sadly from across an endless distance."

Solas means to stay away. It would be easier in the long run. Yet he turns ever back to her, chasing in dreams what he cannot have in reality.

one of the most AMAZING!!!! solavellan fics I’ve read in ages!!! like seriously if you like this ship and you read nothing else on this list PLEASE give this one a try, it’s so lyrically beautiful and a PERFECT Solas characterisation and honestly I’m still reeling from this fic, it’s gonna be living rent-free on my mind pretty much permanently from now on 👌

-

The Eyes of Gods by @edda-grenade/apfelgranate (Mythal & Solas, 2000 words, T rated)

Pride has grown in power from a mere spirit, in serving as the All-Mother’s messenger. Mythal thinks it should keep growing, but Pride has reservations. 

gorgeous gorgeous prose, very atmospheric and evocative and, for the lack of a better term, Mythological TM. Also Solas’s depiction as a spirit in this is one of the best I’ve seen!

-

Celestine Black by @queenaeducan/theharellan (Josephine & Solas, 2400 words, G rated)

Though Skyhold's guests may be of noble blood, their manners often leave much to be desired. When one insults the Inquisition's resident magical expert, who just so happens to be an apostate, Josephine takes it upon herself to remedy the situation. In typical Montilyet fashion. 

as always this author delivers pure gold! a very thoughtful and careful character study both of Josephine and of Solas as seen though her clever eyes. Delightful!

-

in our eternity, only darkness reigns by @rosella-writes (Dirthamen & Solas, 2000 words, T rated)

Solas accompanies the Inquisitor to the Lost Temple of Dirthamen. The experience digs up old memories Solas had nearly forgotten.

SUCH a good, dark atmosphere in this one! Also the Solas Angst TM is unparalleled 👌👌 read this if you want to feel the crushing weight of an unchaning, uncaring world lol

AND ALRIGHT this post is already getting too long so I’m gonna really really super quickly mention some other fics I liked:  this Alistair & Solas fic (seeing Solas though a stranger eyes is swiftly becoming my favourite trope ever, and Alistair’s voice here is absolutely fantastic), this Zevran/Solas fic (the flirting!! my god 🥰), this Iron Bull/Solas fic (soulmates au but make it HURT 👌)  and this solavellan fic (super ambitious, super intriguing, super pretty!)

okay I’m done!! whoof! also seriously just check the rest of the collection cause SO MANY of the works we got were gorgeous and I only talked about less than half of them!!! go see them for yourself!! and thank you to everyone who participated 🥰🥰🥰

[semthescientist]

i normally don't write long posts on here but i've been bubbling from the seams with things to say as of late. back in september of 2022, i was towards the end of a cruise and my sister introduced me into Abraham Hicks. it wasn't new to me per-se simply because i always would have these expansive ideas, like i just knew i was supposed to be great and experience wonderful things. however, what was new was the fact it was so widely accepted. like i couldn't believe that people would actually tell abraham their problems and they would provide solutions. looking back, since Abraham talked about vibrations and vortexes so much, this may have been the law of attraction (not sure lol). and for a while, i grew so interested in the concept.

this journey happened so naturally though that i cannot pinpoint when i got into the law of assumption or started listening to Edward Art, but that is what came next. it went from there being an outside world i had to change to there being an internal world i had to change. now, for awhile i listened to Edward Art videos (haven't tuned into him in so long but i still adore him, he seems so nice!) only because i could not for the life of me, ever understand what Neville was saying. listened to Edward for awhile then stopped because i realized i was making him my God (though i didn't really know what that meant at the time), got on tumblr to consume more information and i did this months until i was sick of hearing what others had to say. however lol, i just moved to twitter and did the same thing. and of course, i got sick of that too--grew so tired of the fighting between loass and affirm and persist girlies, and whoever else wanted to be different so bad. and then i was introduced into nonduality.

now, it was so different from everything i had learned before that when i watched a video by Rupert Spira, i put it down and went back to loass. like, i literally said, "there's no way in hell i'm about to confuse myself with more shit." kid you not. like i refused to hop onto something else. so i just let it be but i eventually came back to it and it started to consume me and it was out of sheer curiosity. like i remember when i had put it down, just one random day i thought to myself "there is nothing else but consciousness. there is no separation." i wrote that in a diary entry on august 30th, 2023 and it really stuck with me because like...where the hell did that thought come from? especially because all of my old diary entries were how unfazed i was by the external world because i have what i want in the "one true reality" (i really had to laugh at those old entries.) and they were only from a couple days before i had this sudden realization.

but somehow, that caused me to get off of twitter and come back to tumblr and i eventually stumbled across 4d-barbie's account and some others too. i stayed up all night reading Ada's answers to submissions because this was unlike anything i'd ever heard. and it was there when i promised myself not to consume too much, to do things differently. and like okay, that didn't happen 'cause i consumed a lot but i'm happy it all happened because of what i found.

eventually, the same thing that happened with the law happened with nd. i got so burned out and i was so angry with hearing the opinions of others. like my brother in christ, i physically would be angry that i relied on others because i knew i could trust in myself but i wasn't. and like why?? why was i doing that? and because i didn't have an answer, i'd get pissed all over again.

and this probably went on for a couple weeks or so, i don't know entirely. i didn't document everything--and the things i did, i deleted because i was trying so hard to reach enlightenment. and it wasn't until i went on another cruise in late september 2023 that it finally clicked--a whole ass year later.

now i'm only saying the time because i find it so comical and beautiful. i'm gonna make another post which entails what actually clicked for me because i don't want this to be too long.

part two here. yay.

[scramble-crossing]

Loner Phase

Chapter 1: Sho

Rating: M

Characters: Sho Minamimoto, Koki Kariya

Pairings: Sho Minamimoto & Koki Kariya

Warnings: N/A

Summary: For as long as he can remember, Sho Minamimoto has been able to see things that others cannot. From childhood to the cusp of adulthood, through life, and through death, he exists between spaces and he does so alone. Will a transformation be possible? Can he ever break out of this phase?

Did you hear that? A knock at the door Could that be death? Knocking at my doorstep -Reaper, No Vacation

The first of ah...many, many chapters in my longfic: Loner Phase, a mostly faithful-to-canon retelling of events through the eyes of Shibuya's most infamous Reaper. Despite all he'll one day become, for now he's only a small, lonely child sick with visions of a strange world that only he can perceive...or so he thinks. There's someone else in this city who can see what he sees, someone who just might be willing to take pity on the poor kid.

Read on Ao3

(Preview Under the Cut)

Sho Minamimoto could not remember the first time he saw what he was never supposed to see, reached out to touch a world not meant for the pulse in his fingertips.

But there was one day, in memory retained, where that first click of understanding stirred within him a sense that something was…wrong? No, different. Though it’s all the same to a child. Barely six years old, he sat with his feet dangling above a slim pasting of linoleum tile, wrapped in stark white-and-blue walls breathing chilly air all over him. He was cold. He was always cold those days, in a way that spread over his skin like netting, binding him and sinking in deeply enough to press into the spaces between his insides. 

To his left, an overcast sky made the window seem like a pad of empty paper. To his right, a receptionist kept herself busy behind the curve of a moon-shaped desk. Her glasses blew her eyes as wide as a cat’s. She was his only company, after his mother had bent across her desk so that her short-cropped hair masked her mouth and filtered her words out in low mutterings. They were barely sensical by the time they reached him.

“Could you watch him for a moment? I’d like to speak with Dr. Takamoto in private.”

Then a whisper, very, very quiet,

“I don’t want him to hear…anything he doesn’t have to.”

Sho hadn’t thought much of it. He was busy with the water in his lungs. His mother had promised there was no such thing, but when he breathed he never felt satisfied, like all the air was doing was pushing the water up as he did when he climbed into the bathtub. He tried to cough it out. He hacked until wet, raw streaks seared his throat and splattered across the sleeve of his shirt, but nothing brought him relief with the weight of an ocean bearing down on his chest.

He shook his head to clear away the riptide. On the other side of the room, two voices scuffled with each other behind a closed door. He recognized his mother’s, a thin twitter wrapped around the soothing low of the doctor’s, pulling anxiously taunt until it threatened to snap entirely. She’d used the same tone with him when she told him to stay where he was,

“Be good, okay? I won’t be very long.”

And he was. He sat like stagnant water in a creek.

…But what was that at the window?

A sudden colour caught Sho’s eye, a burst of clementine, the strike of bold, pink lightning. It filled the glass like chalky lines of crayon, prickling the sensitive hairs along the back of his neck.

What was that? Somehow, he sensed it was waiting for him If I’m quick, Mom won’t even notice I’m gone…

He eased onto his feet, wincing at the sourness that roiled in his stomach and the dream-like sensation of jelly in his muscles. Stepping carefully, he pressed himself into the shadow of late afternoon as it slid across the opposite wall, hardly daring to breathe as he passed by the doctor’s door. He feared his mother would hear him. She didn’t. 

But he heard her. 

“I just don’t understand….” Her voice stopped him in his tracks. It was wrung, guttural.  He would’ve called it a sob if the thought didn’t terrify him. “How could you find nothing? I swear to you, my son is not making this up.”

“I would never suggest that he is,” the doctor replied. “But there was nothing abnormal in his blood tests, or in the radiograph of his chest. If any serious issue was present we would have found it. I know this may be difficult to believe, Ms. Minamimoto, but your son may simply be sensitive. This could very well be a phase that he grows out of.”

Silence. Then, a rising fierceness Sho had never before heard from her.

“But what if this takes him before he gets the chance to grow at all?”

Standing in that doctor’s office, covered in cold and his mother’s light weepings, he felt a sense of understanding lap expectantly at his heels. It surrounded him, engulfed him, waves crested over his head and swirled with the thoughts in his mind, whispering in his ear words that may as well have been of a different tongue. He grasped for the surface. Tasted seafoam. Touched the open mouth of air…

Sho drowned

The window grew into a giant before him. If he stretched he could push his chin over the ledge. Balancing on his tip-toes, he pressed his nose to the glass and filled his eyes with the colour bursting, spinning, dancing all around him…

“Sho?”

Guiltily, he slumped back down on his heels. His mother was smiling as she watched him from the doorway, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. They looked red. Must’ve been a trick of the light.

“It’s time to go. Say thank-you to Mrs. Chiba.”

Sho didn’t know who Mrs. Chiba was until the lady at the desk waved to him. Shades of peach and gold danced in the sheen of her glasses, and he brightened to think that, tall as she was, she must be able to see whatever lay beyond the window.

“What’s that?” he asked her.

She pursed her lips in a slight frown. “What’s what, dear?”

“The lights outside! Is it like fireworks?” He remembered them from the summer before, his mother petting his head as he wailed with fright at the snapping, crackling firebursts. Once he was finished sobbing furiously enough to wash the snow cone syrup from his cheeks he’d flopped, exhausted, onto the cool, green grass, and somewhere in-between the roman candles and the cherry bombs he realized that they couldn’t hurt him. He liked them after that. Maybe other people liked them so much that they just couldn’t wait, and set a bundle alight even though it was barely March.

Mrs. Chiba’s frown deepened. She glanced from him, to the window, to his mother, who met her with the same look of mild confusion. “I don’t see any fireworks,” she began, her words laden with a slow, careful drawl, the kind that always made his skin crawl with annoyance. As if he was too stupid to put them together! “If they were being set off in the street we would’ve heard. Loud, nasty things they are.”

“But what about the colours?” 

“Colours?”

“It’s all pink outside! And orange!” 

A sensation close to panic bubbled up in Sho’s stomach. It felt like he’d swallowed gravel. He ran to his mother and grasped her by the hand, forcing strength into his legs as he dragged her towards the window.  He thought he felt her give. It was barely a moment, then she steadied herself and tugged on his arm, gentle, but firm enough to tow him into line. 

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” she said. Her head was angled to him, but it sounded more like she was talking to Mrs. Chiba. “Remember what we promised? If you’re a good boy at the doctor’s office I’ll get you a treat when we stop by the grocery store on the way home.”

Sho opened his mouth to argue. Nothing came out. He stood between his mother and the window, so close together and yet he was filled with the sense that he could never bring them to meet. That he would never see the whites of her eyes painted with the same colours as his.

Maybe she was right. Maybe he saw nothing, nothing at all.

He followed his mother out of the doctor’s office with his hand in hers, but he held it just a little bit looser.

[astroyongie]

TW: pet death, grief

I had to put my cat down today. Her name was Trixie and she was 19.5 years old. She had hyperthyroid and high blood pressure that I was giving her two meds twice a day for two years but then her kidneys starting shutting down…there is no treatment for feline kidney disease, especially for one Trixie’s age.

I’m gutted. I always knew this day was coming but she was fine and then literally last night she went downhill. It just seemed so sudden. I held her when they put her to sleep. She was my baby…. I had her almost my whole life.

I understand that there’s literally nothing more I could do…. The vet said if I waited, she’d be in pain, and it would be futile to give treatment Bc it was not going to get better.

Idk if tarot has the capacity to do readings on pets to see if she’s okay and forgives me for putting her down but at the very least could you post this? I want people to know she was real and she was a good cat, even if she would occasionally bite the shit out of my arm when she was cranky. Dad said she was a battle axe of a cat and he’s right. She always had a fighting spirit.

As much I want to say safe travels over the rainbow bridge… I hope she followed me home. I put her favorite ribbons on the bed where she used to sleep. I asked her to come back to me in dreams if she couldn’t be here with me on Earth.

Godspeed Trixie I loved you so god damn much.

Hello love,

I want to start by saying how much I am sorry for your loss and how much my eyes held tears reading all this. And I know no matter what I say, nothing can ease the pain that you must be feeling at the moment.

On the 1st February of 2020, I lost my cat, Minou from kidney failure as well. She died at the same age as Trixie and I think the most painful thing was to watch her dying and not being able to do anything to help her. Eventually, she passed at home, in my arms.

This is to say that, sometimes we blame ourselves so much for what happens to them because we feel responsible for their life but also because we lose a part of ourselves that we cannot ever get back. I don't know what's your age, but I was 3 years old when I got Minou, she was my first and only pet while she was around, and losing her was unbearable and I cannot even describe the pain. I mourn her still today, and only recently have I been able to watch videos of her without crying.

So love, I know it hurts, but I also know that Trixie loves you even after death and that her energy and spirit will keep living on to protect you and to comfort you when you need it the most. You did well. So did she. And I am sure she forgives you. And of course, I would do a reading for Trixie, you can contact me through email if you want so we can proceed.

For now, take your time to heal, to forgive yourself, and to mourn her. But remember that Trixie will always be a part of you and that all the love she gave to you is worth the pain of today.

Trixie you were loved, and you will be missed <3

[ethernetmeep]

interesting menagerie! (before i speak, do know i realize this says ask game— i simply am taking the time to answer all these upfront because i want to.)

1. comfort character… the title itself is very loose, to me. i enjoy mulder & scully’s strangeness. will always have a soft spot for reanimator, even if small.

2. both are useful. lighter for candles & general fits of extra precaution, matches for if i don’t mind being burned.

3. yes. i have a screen in place.

4. i really don’t believe in any of them, but if i had to choose… mothman. i would like to believe he is real…

5. blue-green

6. not sure what the ‘that’ is in this situation, but most likely love. or fear. or both.

7. hair-ties. hold hair firmer in place. still like short hair, though

8. one

9. don’t drink coffee… sorry..

10. & get away with it? what are our limitations? rules? curious. cannot answer something so broad… despite this, yes.

11. besides giving the expected answer like drawing/writing/reading, exploring.

12. good question. a ‘i don’t know what im doing’ day, which is… every day..

13. umm, 45 minutes ago? pasta.

14. yes. i love many things

15. technically parent of a feline & two cockroaches. asbestos & radium. they prevail, despite everything…. children of… no, i can’t say that…. Its funny, though…

16. not yet. soon!

17. no clue, man. i see many things many places. always perceiving

18. if you want me to be frank, not many. tend to use a 2-in-1 shampoo & conditioner. KILL HIM, you may say! noooo!!!1!1!!1 its a mix, either that or two separate matching shampoo & conditioner containers pertaining to a different scent. 2-in-1 is green apple…… apple shaped

19. if you want me to. i have too much nail polish

20. soda.

21. pink blanket with disney princesses on them. called the item ‘blanky’. still do. one of the few joys of childhood that hasn’t been tainted by anything too obscene

22. i.. don’t know. a person who tries to do good & ultimately is cripplingly awkward & dislikes most social interactions. also a person that was made to tear skin & bone but we already talked about that

23. i like all weather… chilly is very nice, though. i like snow. still remember when i slipped on ice & fucked up my ankle… despite that & rather mathematical cuts, i still found the winter to be okay. could’ve been worse. actually might have been my worst. ever. damn. i forgot about that.

24. staring around at the environment, most likely. possibly talking, possibly not. nothing extravagant.

25. hmm…. lotion. trying to take better care of my body

26. real life scenario? i really need specifics… oh man. you guys like, want the true answer. damn it. this isn’t even that long but if you’re reading a reblog answering from a long post then maybe it doesn’t matter. phew. [rubs hands like a little fly] Okay!!!!!!! maybe the art exhibition events… second/third day of school… whenever i got pulled by my wrist…. ummm, ummm………. aquarium day… [A LOT OF THESE ARE JUST THIS YEAR THINGS SINCE I REALLY DON’T THINK ABOUT MY FAR OFF PAST. OR FAMILY MEMORIES.] what else… prom, right…. wait, those are more so memories… damn it. maybe it really is just thought up scenarios. okay. then i guess ive considered, um… many of my dream scenarios.. actual dream ones, i don’t mean like, wants. i mean the weird dreams i wake up from. the dream where i watched someone cry was the most jarring one. i still think about it…

27. forgot when i went to bed. usually try to get around nine.

28. when im sick

29. lukewarm is fine. i don’t really mind any temperature

30. yes. i have to get them out. thanks for reminding me!

31. grounded? what a fascinating question.. anything with a decent bass that demands me to pay attention. i enjoy quiet songs, but something which includes yelling & or loud sudden noises helps me come back to reality i think. makes me realize i am still in this realm & whatnot

32. interesting question. i like the pink-white towel in my possession with hearts on it. also enjoy the orange one & one with flamingos.

33. this morning when i went to explore around and look for birds

34. too close, aaron, 4 seasons, your reality, sidechain fever, true trans soul rebel, dead friend, promise, i don’t want to get over you, falling for you (the louie zong one, absolute jam), grow a pear, mamma mia, the comfort of a laugh track, the miniature philosopher, rings (on a tree), beautiful brain… surely more.

35. EST. or, uh, shit, whatever it is now…… something like that…

36. tumblr..? definitely a few. used to be something wowie adjacent. very, very young….

37. hm….. family friend. never see her anymore, though

38. uhhh. not sure. definitely a few, i just don’t generally use soap bars.. if i do not live by myself, it implies i share the soap with others… i don’t want to be touched even if not physically like that…

39. yeah. accidentally have blasted a few into the wash because i forget to thoroughly check my pockets. green spearmint one is the only one left, as of writing

40. sugar wafers..

41. don’t drink coffee

42. inaturalist :-). although technically thats more on computer. youtube.

43. the human body was made to endure many different things. i think they’re quite neat

44. ANYONE? right now? uh, my first thought was a guy i know named valannie, no hesitation. first person to come to mind. i mean, i won’t argue against it… he is quite awful

45. it was the last day for seniors & i paid my friend to draw me as an alien…. i stared at a name spelt wrong maybe on purpose but also maybe not…. i looked at sculptures on display… didn’t really do much, honestly

46. don’t really have any. if i say brokeback mountain for pride month, does that count…?

47. to someone? uh, message to my mom. besides family, sent a friend a post of bert & ernie as cowboys

48. technically, jose cuervo and his consequences. odd attempt at punishment; im glad i no longer do that. wasn’t very good on its own

49. nope.

50. yup. always.

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[sleepydaydreamingstudent]

Prompt credit to @promptsforthestrugglingauthor

Starry Sky Talks

I looked at my watch and thought, 'Ah, it's time for that again.'

And I shut my eyes and before I knew it, I was face to face with her.

She was a young kid,in her tweens, quite round and in her eyes, one could find no emotion. She had a fake smile and crossed her legs.

I looked at her black hoodie fit and turned to look at myself. This time it was blue, flower-patterned pyjamas. Quite fitting, considering I was riding in the blues recently.

"You're here again." I hear her speak in her young voice, with a hint of sarcasm.

"Unfortunately." I replied.

She smiled insincerely and looked away from me. Her eyes reflected the starry sky, and she spoke nothing.

"You seem to like the stars." I suddenly broke the silence, attempting a conversation.

She spoke, still not taking her eyes off the stars,"I don't have much of an hobby. When I'm bored, I like to read quotes. Have you ever heard about the phrase 'ad astra per aspera'? It's Latin." She seemed to want to appear elegant.

'Ad astra per aspera.' I muttered to myself. Through hardships to the stars. Though she was wrong about the sentence. It was 'per aspera, ad astra.'

I didn't correct her, not out of consideration, but out of being aware that my words had no effect on her.

The silence between us continued. I got irritated. I wasn't going to waste time like this. Last time, we were in the ocean and I woke up with a cold next morning.

Before I could say anything, she turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I won't waste your time today. I just wanted to ask you a few things." I was surprised at her sudden initiative but I was glad to see her do it.

She asked first, "Do you regret it all? Would you rather have done that instead?"

I spoke wistfully, "You and I both know my regrets. If I could go back in time, I would never do it again. I just want peace." I cannot understand why she would do this to me everytime.

She seemed to have expected my answer so she nodded lightly and asked another question, "Say, do you still have those thoughts?"

I paused and looked at her. Her eyes reflected my own brown eyes. I couldn't lie to her, so I said with truth, " I still do, though I haven't seen any red in recent days."

She accused me in spite, "You liar. I saw what you tried to do last month."

I despise being accused. I fired back," So what? Can't I just end it my own way without pain? I'm sick and tired of everything! You, your dreams, your ideals, your thoughts, and my entire self! What do you even know? You have never worked hard and not reaped the fruit of your hardwork! You're just a lucky kid—"

She clamped my mouth shut. What she did next shocked me immensely. She started crying. I wondered if I had lost my temper and yelled at her again. I was going to make amends if I hurt her feelings.

She said, " I know what you're going through. I know that I've lived better than you. I know it's wrong of me to keep asking you to move forward. I know it all, but can't you not be selfish and understand me for a moment? I let you take over and this happens. Even if it ends, it doesn't have to be this way, you know?"

I was not surprised at her words. I hugged her in my arms and I suddenly remembered. She was just a little girl. What would she know? I could not impose my demons on her. After all, she's the reason for my existence.

I suddenly understood something and before I knew it, I started panicking. My realisation could only end in one thing. We would not be able to talk again in a long, long time.

The sky was full of meteorites falling down. Nothing fell on us but I could feel the ground below collapse. I wanted to leave quickly but then I heard her speak, "I thought you hated me."

I was surprised. But the tremors were getting stronger. I had to say something fast. Or I would regret it again. "I don't hate you. But I hated everyone—myself included."

She muttered, "I know."

"But, I'm still working on that. I hope to rid myself of all these feelings someday."

I saw her eyes relaxed and she closed her eyes. She whispered, still in my arms," Thank you."

But then she wore her usual smile. She scoffed, "I don't we'll see each other soon. I just hope you don't miss me. Or worse, forget me."

I smiled back this time, "Don't worry, I'll not lose myself again. I think you should focus on trying to improve your knowledge instead. Earlier you said the phrase wrong. It was 'per aspera,ad astra', not the other way around."

Before she could yell back again, I found myself back in my bed. I realised and smiled. I got out to stroke the picture frame on the desk. And suddenly I sneezed. 'Not this again.' I thought as I went back to reading organic chemistry.

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 193 - A Stern Look

First of all, creating a soundscape that is literally just Jonah Magnus spouting forth knowledge of horror without pause as the backdrop of everything else that happens is a great touch. I love it! It's so evocative!

They are the eyes of his father, and they stare at Elias over an old mahogany desk, sat in the face of a man who said his name was James Wright.

a) I really, really didn't expect an Elias (that is, ACTUAL Elias) statement. b) It's weird to have thought of Elias Bouchard as a calculating villain for four seasons and then be given this! He's just a poor kid! Well, a rich kid, but emotionally poor! (Yes, I know the villain is actually Jonah Magnus, but it still creates some amount of whiplash).

Jonah: So tell me, Elias. What are you afraid of?

This is, I believe, the first time that Jon "reads" a statement and somebody else actually contributes lines. And the effect is oddly spine-chilling.

Right here and now, the thought of a spider genuinely repulses him. The image of a scuttling, filthy creature, eight eyes glinting out in the darkness, crawls into his mind, and he shudders, looking away for a second. But the uninvited thought keeps going. He imagines the spider moving up his leg, his body, he imagines feeling its bristling hairs against the skin of his shoulder, his throat, his cheek. It’s spindly probing legs finding their way up his face. Elias can’t stop himself picturing that spider sat there, venom dripping from fangs that hang, poised over his eye. He can’t shut his eye.

Oh, this is TERRIFYING. "Oh, you're going to lie to me and claim you're afraid of spiders? ... You're not lying to me."

But he remembers so clearly what he was thinking as he looked at the what was left of Allan Schrieber: where are his eyes? What did they do with his eyes?

Oh god, I had totally forgotten this. Elias's flatmate had a fatal encounter with ... I think a "Leitner" (that may or may not have ever actually made it into Leitner's library) that we have seen before? I'm not sure, but it's clearly one related to the Eye. Maybe that's why the Magnus Institute drew in Elias in the first place.

‘Well,’ he begins, ‘I’ve always had the greatest respect for the work put out by this institute on mythological traditions, especially some of the recent papers on Indo-European traditions which was very useful for my dissertation on –’

So the Magnus Institute actually publishes proper research papers, then?

Don’t think I don’t see you, looking at those other children with envy, as though their meaningless little lives could contain anything of substance, anything for a Bouchard to aspire to. You are better than them, and they know it. And it is your job to prove worthy of that distinction.

Wow, Bouchard senior was such a fucking arsehole! Poor Elias!

That he was all alone in the world, no friends, no family, nothing but the deep certainty that he deserved better. That he was destined to be important. That it was in his blood.

Oh, ouch! This is pretty fucking tragic in hindsight. Yeah, you were destined to be important, Elias, poor thing. So, so important.

Elias has the briefest of flashes, a sudden burst of terror, an image of himself, strapped down, helpless. The vanishing of well-known faces, and the harsh sneers that replace them as they stare at him. He cannot move. He cannot scream. What is happening? What is that he feels deep down his skull? What are they doing to his eyes? This presence, old and rotten, in his mind? He can do nothing but watch.

Did Jonah Magnus just accidentally (or worse, on purpose) feed Elias's mind a glimpse of what he plans to do to him? Also "he can do nothing but watch" is ... yeah ... yeah, true.

My impression of this episode

This episode was both fully unexpected and really, really good in all its tragic, gut-punching quality. Just: POOR ELIAS! On every level! (Also the revelation that Jon can replace Jonah and that the Eye wants him to was a pretty big plot development to end this episode on).

[themindofwhoiam]

Justin Castillo              Horror Discussion                                                9/4/2023 

Has anyone who is reading this just had a sudden urge to watch a

horror movie for no reason? I have not watched any horror or thriller

movies in a while, and for some reason, I just want to watch

something that seems scary. I know that I am not the only one who

suddenly wants to watch something scary, there are 7.888 billion

people, so I cannot be the only one who feels like it suddenly. It could

just be the adrenaline to watch something so frightening but then

again, I might not even sleep at night because of the horror in

whatever movie I watched. To this very day, I still have not watched

anything spooky but now I am writing this I will finally watch

something horror and hopefully I can sleep.  

One movie that looks like it will scare the man out of me is a movie

called “Boogeyman,” now this movie seems to revolve around a dark

entity like what we know as the Boogeyman. I have not watched this

movie or read the description of it, but I assume it is a very scary

movie for most people. Other horror movies seem remarkably

interesting like The Mean One, Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey,

Perpetrator, and the rest will soon be found out.

All those three movies seem very intimidating, and I have seen

Winnie the pooh which can make someone’s childhood memories

turn into something that they will never want to remember and watch

ever again.  To whoever is reading this, if you watched Winnie the Poo

as a child and wish to not be traumatized, then I recommend you do

not watch the horror movie. 

And I just wanted to let the audience know that there are some

movies you just should never watch for your own sake of mentality. 

[sleepydaydreamingstudent]

I looked at my watch and thought, 'Ah, it's time for that again.'

And I shut my eyes and before I knew it, I was face to face with her.

She was a young kid,in her tweens, quite round and in her eyes, one could find no emotion. She had a fake smile and crossed her legs.

I looked at her black hoodie fit and turned to look at myself. This time it was blue, flower-patterned pyjamas. Quite fitting, considering I was riding in the blues recently.

"You're here again." I hear her speak in her young voice, with a hint of sarcasm.

"Unfortunately." I replied.

She smiled insincerely and looked away from me. Her eyes reflected the starry sky, and she spoke nothing.

"You seem to like the stars." I suddenly broke the silence, attempting a conversation.

She spoke, still not taking her eyes off the stars,"I don't have much of an hobby. When I'm bored, I like to read quotes. Have you ever heard about the phrase 'ad astra per aspera'? It's Latin." She seemed to want to appear elegant.

'Ad astra per aspera.' I muttered to myself. Through hardships to the stars. Though she was wrong about the sentence. It was 'per aspera, ad astra.'

I didn't correct her, not out of consideration, but out of being aware that my words had no effect on her.

The silence between us continued. I got irritated. I wasn't going to waste time like this. Last time, we were in the ocean and I woke up with a cold next morning.

Before I could say anything, she turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I won't waste your time today. I just wanted to ask you a few things." I was surprised at her sudden initiative but I was glad to see her do it.

She asked first, "Do you regret it all? Would you rather have done that instead?"

I spoke wistfully, "You and I both know my regrets. If I could go back in time, I would never do it again. I just want peace." I cannot understand why she would do this to me everytime.

She seemed to have expected my answer so she nodded lightly and asked another question, "Say, do you still have those thoughts?"

I paused and looked at her. Her eyes reflected my own brown eyes. I couldn't lie to her, so I said with truth, " I still do, though I haven't seen any red in recent days."

She accused me in spite, "You liar. I saw what you tried to do last month."

I despise being accused. I fired back," So what? Can't I just end it my own way without pain? I'm sick and tired of everything! You, your dreams, your ideals, your thoughts, and my entire self! What do you even know? You have never worked hard and not reaped the fruit of your hardwork! You're just a lucky kid—"

She clamped my mouth shut. What she did next shocked me immensely. She started crying. I wondered if I had lost my temper and yelled at her again. I was going to make amends if I hurt her feelings.

She said, " I know what you're going through. I know that I've lived better than you. I know it's wrong of me to keep asking you to move forward. I know it all, but can't you not be selfish and understand me for a moment? I let you take over and this happens. Even if it ends, it doesn't have to be this way, you know?"

I was not surprised at her words. I hugged her in my arms and I suddenly remembered. She was just a little girl. What would she know? I could not impose my demons on her. After all, she's the reason for my existence.

I suddenly understood something and before I knew it, I started panicking. My realisation could only end in one thing. We would not be able to talk again in a long, long time.

The sky was full of meteorites falling down. Nothing fell on us but I could feel the ground below collapse. I wanted to leave quickly but then I heard her speak, "I thought you hated me."

I was surprised. But the tremors were getting stronger. I had to say something fast. Or I would regret it again. "I don't hate you. But I hated everyone—myself included."

She muttered, "I know."

"But, I'm still working on that. I hope to rid myself of all these feelings someday."

I saw her eyes relaxed and she closed her eyes. She whispered, still in my arms," Thank you."

But then she wore her usual smile. She scoffed, "I don't we'll see each other soon. I just hope you don't miss me. Or worse, forget me."

I smiled back this time, "Don't worry, I'll not lose myself again. I think you should focus on trying to improve your knowledge instead. Earlier you said the phrase wrong. It was 'per aspera,ad astra', not the other way around."

Before she could yell back again, I found myself back in my bed. I realised and smiled. I got out to stroke the picture frame on the desk. And suddenly I sneezed. 'Not this again.' I thought as I went back to reading organic chemistry.

Writing Prompt #2566

"I thought you hated me."

"I hated everyone—myself included. I'm working on that."

[fallen-chances]

This goes out to all the characters who get reduced down to their anger. I love you.

I love your passion. I love when you get so mad your face goes red and you tremble and grit your teeth and tear up from the overwhelming emotion inside you. I love when you defend yourself and your loved ones to your last shouted breath. I love the tempest within you that cannot be quelled. I love your sensitive heart hidden beneath a thorn filled inferno. I love your angry stomps and hands irritated red from table slaps. I love your sharp breath through bared teeth. I love your hair, messy from a shaking hand ran through it. I love your hoarse voice from shouting your lungs out, voice breaking and wavering with barely fought back sobs.

I love you, characters discarded as the angry one without any thought into why you are that way. I love you characters who have been through hardships and did not come out okay. I love you characters trying to get better. I love you when your anger melts away at the gentle touch of a loved one. I love you characters who are too tired to be angry anymore, but the fire still burns within.

I love you angry characters. I love you.

[sylvielauffeydottir]

Hello, it is I, your friendly neighborhood historian. I am ready to lose followers for this post, but I have two masters degrees in history and one of my focuses has been middle eastern area studies. Furthermore, I’ve been tired of watching the world be reduced to pithy little infographics, and I believe there is no point to my education if I don’t put it to good use. Finally, I am ethnically Asheknazi Jewish. This does not color my opinion in this post — I am in support of either a one or two state solution for Israel and Palestine, depending on the factors determined by the Palestinian Authority, and the Israeli Government does not speak for me. I hate Netanyahu. A lot. With that said, my family was slaughtered at Auschwitz-Birkenau. I have stood in front of that memorial wall at the Holocaust memorial in DC for my great uncle Simon and my great uncle Louis and cried as I lit a candle. Louis was a rabbi, and he preached mitzvot and tolerance. He died anyway. 

There’s a great many things I want to say about what is happening in the Middle East right now, but let’s start with some facts. 

In early May, there were talks of a coalition government that might have put together (among other parties, the Knesset is absolutely gigantic and usually has about 11-13 political parties at once) the Yesh Atid, a center-left party, and the United Arab List, a Palestinian party. For the first time, Palestinians would have been members of the Israeli government in their own right. And what happened, all of the sudden? A war broke out. A war that, amazingly, seemed to shield Benjamin Netanyahu from criminal prosecution, despite the fact that he has been under investigation for corruption for some time now and the only thing that is stopping a real investigation is the fact that he is Prime Minister.

Funny how that happened. 

There’s a second thing people ought to know, and it is about Hamas. I’ve found it really disturbing to see people defending Hamas on a world stage because, whether or not people want to believe it, Hamas is a terrorist organization. I’m sorry, but it is. Those are the facts. I’m not being a right wing extremist or even a Republican or whatever else or want to lob at me here. I’m a liberal historian with some facts. They are a terrorist organization, and they don’t care if their people die. 

Here’s what you need to know: 

There are two governments for the occupied Palestinian territories in the West Bank and Gaza. In April 2021, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas postponed planned elections. He said it was because of a dispute amid Israeli-annexed East Jerusalum. He is 85 years old, and his Fatah Party is losing power to Hamas. Everyone knows that. Palestinians know that. 

Here’s the thing about Hamas: they might be terrorists, but aren’t idiots. They understand that they have a frustrated population filled with people who have been brutalized by their neighbors. And they also understand that Israel has something called the iron dome defense system, which means that if you throw a rocket at it, it probably won’t kill anyone (though there have been people in Israel who died, including Holocaust survivors). Israel will, however, retaliate, and when they do, they will kill Palestinian civilians. On a world stage, this looks horrible. The death toll, because Palestinians don’t have the same defense system, is always skewed. Should the Israeli government do that? No. It’s morally repugnant. It’s wrong. It’s unfair. It’s hurting people without the capability to defend themselves. But is Hamas counting on them to for the propaganda? Yeah. Absolutely. They’re literally willing to kill their other people for it.

You know why this works for Hamas? They know that Israel will respond anyway, despite the moral concerns. And if you’re curious why, you can read some books on the matter (Six Days of War by Michael Oren; The Yom Kippur War by Abraham Rabinovich; Rise and Kill First by Ronen Bergmen; Antisemitism by Deborah Lipstadt; and Israel: A Concise History of a Nation Reborn by Daniel Gordis). The TL;DR, if you aren’t interested in homework, is that Israel believes they have no choice but to defend themselves against what they consider ‘hostile powers.’ And it’s almost entirely to do with the Holocaust. It’s a little David v Goliath. It is, dare I say, complicated.

I’m barely scratching the surface here. 

(We won’t get into this in this post, though if you want to DM me for details, it might be worth knowing that Iran funds Hamas and basically supplies them with all of their weapons, and part of the reason the United States has been so reluctant to engage with this conflict is that Iran is currently in Vienna trying to restore its nuclear deal with western powers. The USA cannot afford to piss off Iran right now, and therefore cannot afford to aggravative Hamas and also needs to rely on Israel to destroy Irani nuclear facilities if the deal goes south. So, you know, there is that).

There are some people who will tell you that criticism of the Israel government is antisemitic. They are almost entirely members of the right wing, evangelical community, and they don’t speak for the Jewish community. The majority of Jewish people and Jewish Americans in particular are criticizing the Israeli government right now. The majority of Jewish people in the diaspora and in Israel support Palestinian rights and are speaking out about it. And actually, when they talk about it, they are putting themselves in great danger to do so. Because it really isn’t safe to be visibly Jewish right now. People may not want to listen to Jews when they speak about antisemitism or may want to believe that antisemitism ‘isn’t real’ because ‘the Holocaust is over’ but that is absolutely untrue. In 2019, antisemitic hate crimes in the United States reached a high we have never seen before. I remember that, because I was living in London, and I was super scared for my family at the time. Since then, that number has increased by nearly 400% in the last ten days. If you don’t believe me, have some articles about it (one, two, three, four, and five, to name a few). 

I live in New York City, where a man was beaten in Time Square while attending a Free Palestine rally and wearing a kippah. I’m sorry, but being visibly Jewish near a pro-Palestine rally? That was enough to have a bunch of people just start beating on him? I made a previous post detailing how there are Jews being attacked all over the world, and there is a very good timeline of recent hate crimes against Jews that you can find right here. These are Jews, by the way, who have nothing to do with Israel or Palestine. They are Americans or Europeans or Canadians who are living their lives. In some cases, they are at pro-Palestine rallies and they are trying to help, but they just look visibly Jewish.  God Forbid we are the wrong ethnicity for your rally, even if we agree.

This is really serious. There are people calling for the death of all Jews. There are people calling for another Holocaust. 

There are 14 million Jews in the world. 14 million. Of 7.6 billion. And you think it isn’t a problem the way people treat us?

Anyway (aside from, you know, compassion), why does this matter? This matters because stuff like this deters Jews who want to be part of the pro-Palestine movement because they are literally scared for their safety. I said this before, and I will say it again: Zionism was, historically speaking, a very unpopular opinion. It was only widespread antisemitic violence (you know, the Holocaust) that made Jews believe there was a necessity for a Jewish state. Honestly, it wasn’t until the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting that I supported it the abstract idea too.

I grew up in New York City, I am a liberal Jew, and I believe in the rights of marginalized and oppressed people to self-determine worldwide. Growing up, I also fit the profile of what many scholars describe as the self hating Jew, because I believed that, in order to justify myself in American liberal society, I had to hate Israel, and I had to be anti-Zionist by default, even if I didn’t always understand what ‘Zionism’ meant in abstract. Well, I am 27 years old now with two masters degrees in history, and here is what Zionism means to me: I hate the Israeli government. They do not speak for me. But I am not anti-Zionist. I believe in the necessity for a Jewish state — a state where all Jews are welcome, regardless of their background, regardless of their nationality. 

There needs to be a place where Jews, an ethnic minority who are unwelcome in nearly every state in the world, have a place where they are free from persecution — a place where they feel protected. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that place being the place where Jews are ethnically indigenous to. Because believe it or not, whether it is inconvenient, Jews are indigenous to the land of Israel. I’ve addressed this in this post.

With that said, that doesn’t mean you can kick the Palestinian people out. They are also indigenous to that land, which is addressed in the same post, if you don’t trust me. 

What is incredible to me is that Zionism is defined, by the Oxford English Dixtionary, as “A movement [that called originally for] the reestablishment of a Jewish nationhood in Palestine, and [since 1948] the development of the State of Israel.” Whether we agree with this or not, there were early disagreements about the location of a ‘Jewish state,’ and some, like Maurice de Hirsch, believed it ought to be located in South America, for example. Others believed it should be located in Africa. The point is that the original plans for the Jewish state were about safety. The plan changed because Jews wanted to return to their homeland, the largest project of decolonization and indigenous reclamation ever to be undertaken by an indigenous group. Whether you want to hear that or not, it is true. Read a book or two. Then you might know what I mean.

When people say this is a complicated issue, they aren’t being facetious. They aren’t trying to obfuscate the point. They often aren’t even trying to defend the Israeli government, because I certainly am not — I think they are abhorrent. But there is no future in the Middle East if the Israelis and Palestinians don’t form a state that has an equal right of return and recognizes both of their indigenousness, and that will never happen if people can’t stop throwing vitriolic rhetoric around.  Is the Israeli Government bad? Yes. Are Israeli citizens bad? Largely, no. They want to defend their families, and they want to defend their people. This is basically the same as the fact that Palestinian people aren’t bad, though Hamas often is. And for the love of god, stop defending terrorist organizations. Just stop. They kill their own people for their own power and for their own benefit. 

And yes, one more time, the Israeli government is so, so, so wrong. But god, think about your words, and think about how you are enabling Nazis. The rhetoric the left is using is hurting Jews. I am afraid to leave my house. I’m afraid to identify as Jewish on tumblr. I’m afraid for my family, afraid for my friends. People I know are afraid for me. 

It’s 2021. I am not my great uncle. I cried for him, but I shouldn’t have to die like him. 

Words have consequences. Language has consequences. And genuinely, I do not think everyone is a bad person, so think about what you are putting into the world, because you’d be surprised how often you are doing a Nazi a favor or two. 

Is that really what you want? To do a Nazi a favor or two? I don’t think that you do. I hope you don’t, at least.

That’s all. You know, five thousand words later. But uh, think a little. Please.