#i still remember the first time i watched this. i genuinely forgot the genre for a second and thought they were going to kiss

[majiburger]

we might not have much in this cruel world, but at least we'll always have kagami airport love confession

[prodagustd]

the road not taken 04 | myg

part four: a wish

Summary: Were you about to go crazy if you started to consider that Yoongi felt something for you?

<part three | part five>

—pairing: lawyer!yoongi x actress!oc

—rating: +18

—genre: brother's best friend, one sided pinning (or both?)

—warnings/tags: slow burn, angst, FLUFF ❤️‍🩹, eventual smut, angst, sexual tension!!!!! flashbacks, ANGST!! mentions of sex 👀Btw english is not my first language!

—words: 9.6k

—a/note: hiiii friends!!! i'm glad to say that it didn't take me six months to post this :D. I genuinely went through the most stressful two months of my life so I'm really proud that I could finish this chapter while trying to survive this thing called being an adult!! Anywayy, I’m excited for this chapter but I’m MORE EXCITED FOR THE NEXT ONE… 👀 so please have patience with this story!!! I promise it’s worth it hehehe. As always, you are more than invited to discuss this chapter in the asks, feedback is always welcomed <3 this one is very fluffy i hope you enjoy ittt. (Also if you read a typo, no you didn’t)

series masterlist | teaser | playlist

Four years ago

Seven days before New Year’s Eve

Were you too naive to still believe your father when he said that you were granted a wish every Christmas? He used to say that every year when he was still around and you were still a kid, when the clock struck twelve you could wish anything you wanted, as long as it wasn’t something material or more presents, you had to wish for something special, something that made you happy. 

The last Christmas before your father passed away you were seven years old and still believed in Santa Claus. That year, for some reason, your wish slipped your mind, you forgot about it completely. You stayed at your house, watched movies the whole day in your pajamas and at midnight your parents let both you and Simon open only one present before sending you to bed. You remembered how your father chased you to the stairs to tickle you until you cried of laughter and how good the cookies your mother made that night were, perhaps that year you were too happy to remember making a wish, perhaps what you had was enough. When you woke up the next morning, you were sad that you had wasted it, but your father, wise as ever, told you not to worry. He said that it was like you were saving your wish for the next year — maybe then it would be stronger, and maybe, since you waited, you would have a better chance of it coming true.

By the time Christmas came the following year your father was already gone, and with him all the magic of the world. You had to grow up, you stopped making wishes and tried to stop believing in stories, but it was difficult when his words were still at the back of your mind like some sort of tradition every holiday season. Despite knowing that magic didn’t exist and perhaps not a single wish of yours had ever come true, you still couldn't help but believe you still had your last wish, and everytime the idea of finally making it crossed your mind, you stopped to tell yourself you could still wait another year, just to be sure. 

That morning you saw Yoongi leaned over his car, adjusting his cap as he saw you walking over to him and you thought about your saved wish for the first time this year. And then again when he grabbed your hand to drag you out of the room, or when he waited for you at the bottom of the stairs before leaving the house, but you wouldn’t admit it, not even to yourself. 

He dragged you all across your grandmother’s hometown as if you didn’t know it like the palm of your hand, as if the streets weren’t filled with kids running and whole families doing last-minute gift shopping, but he didn’t seem to care, so for once, you didn’t let it annoy you either. You observed the happy families and the kids playing in the snow, and sat in the park for as long as the cold weather allowed.

It was like you entered a trance, you tried to fight the urge to snap out of the moment and talked and talked the whole afternoon about everything and nothing at the same time, Yoongi listened and laughed while playing with the ends of your hair, pushing you closer to the edge of illusion. If you weren’t so adamant to stay in that blurry haze, you would’ve done something to stop him, you would’ve push his hand away when he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, you would’ve hated how easy it was for him to play dumb, how natural it was to touch you without feeling something was wrong. You ignored it instead, you ignored him and his wandering hands and the fact that he didn’t dare to mention the moment you shared in the closet, nor the way your noses brushed together, or how his fingers hugged your waist as if you weren’t just friends. Even if you would’ve died for him to say a word about it, to tease you, to attempt to make fun of you just to know that what happened was real and not something you dreamt last night.

If you were really dreaming, you held on to your sleep for a while. When Yoongi found that secondhand bookstore five blocks away from the park, he grabbed your hand when you ran across the street before the traffic lights turned green and stayed inside wandering the aisles with him, you let him lean over to whisper jokes in your ear and you punched his arms when he made you laugh a little bit too loud. You tried to keep your voices low and made a list of books to read the following year. You didn’t buy any of them but you read the prologues and the author’s biographies like it was the most interesting thing in the world. You waited for Yoongi when he started to talk with an old man about a book he needed for college and, when he felt you drifting away, he hooked one of his fingers on the belt loop of your jeans and pulled you close to him again. You felt his hands on your waist, keeping you pressed against the side of your body while he pretended to be focused on the conversation, but he was focused on something else. His long fingers played with the waistband of your jeans as your chest felt tight and your breath felt heavier. Maybe you were beginning to go insane, maybe you had a fever and everything was just a product of your imagination, but a tiny voice inside your head quietly suggested that maybe this time you weren’t insane, maybe it was just him.

It was getting dark outside, and you were supposed to be home anytime soon, but he turned his head to you and whispered in your ear that you should save a seat at the coffee shop next door and wait for him while he paid for the book. Even if it was cold and snowing neither of you wanted to return home yet, so you agreed. You made your way to the cute little coffee shop adorned with Christmas lights and sat on a table to wait for him to arrive at the table, until you saw him entering the shop with a book wrapped in brown wrapping paper in his hands. 

You observed him approaching with your face on the palms of your hands, you watched his eyes scanning the place until they found you in some poor illuminated corner. He smiled, his eyes never left yours as he made his way to your table, and when he sat in front of you, he slid the book towards you. 

“This is for you.” He simply said, crossing his arms over his chest like it was no big deal. 

You frowned, confused. Did Yoongi get you some lawyer book? You didn’t know, you grabbed the wrapped book in your hands and scanned it as if you were able to see through the envelope. “The book you needed for college?”

“It’s not that.” He huffed. “It’s a present.” 

You tried to bite back a smile, but you failed. “Is this your way to tell me you forgot to buy me a Christmas present?” You joked, making him roll his eyes. 

“C’mon, you know me.” He said “I would never give you a Christmas present before Christmas, are you crazy?”

You laughed “So is this not a Christmas present?” You inquired, teasing him. 

“It is a Christmas present, but not the Christmas present that I got for you.” He tried to clarify, and it sounded confusing but you understood him anyway. 

You nodded, tearing the wrapping paper to reveal that Yoongi just bought you an Anne Sexton poetry book, the title “Love Poems” shinned in red on the cover, making you hold your breath for a second. 

You raised your gaze from the book to find his eyes, which were looking at you expectantly, the same way someone looked at the moon, yearning. The same way you were looking at him. 

“How did you know…?” The question died in your lips.

“I just know.” He cheekily said, and that was enough.

You know me, he said, and you felt your heart aching when you realized that Yoongi knew you too, and it was becoming impossible to escape from it.

You spent these past weeks trying to make it disappear, but there it was again, that strange feeling you felt in your chest, like something tugged from a string tied to your heart to try and steal it away. You were sure Yoongi thought he had his ways with you, that he was some kind of genius that knew exactly what to say and what to do to erase the frown from your face and make you laugh, but the truth was that he didn’t need to do much effort to win you over, the truth was that he already had you. He had you then, and he had you now and you weren’t sure if that was ever going to change, but today you didn’t care, you let him walk you home as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders like that warm wouldn’t chill you to the bone when he left. 

You had successfully gone through dinner without having to answer questions about college, or your future, or anything about yourself at all, part of it was because your grandmother didn’t ask any questions to begin with. Maybe you were a bit jealous that she seemed more interested in Eva, your cousin, who was a biochemist and just got engaged, or Aidan, your other cousin, who was just admitted into college, or even Yoongi, who was about to graduate, however, you felt relieved that the attention was not focused on you. You were used to your family thinking that you were a thirteen year old teenager and not a twenty one year adult, the attention was never really on you, sometimes it bounced on you accidentally like a ball and, from time to time, you got to share a glimpse of information about your life, but most of the time your mother answered for you as if you were a kid in the hospital room, trying to include you in conversations and talking about your own projects, and that was enough for everyone. 

In the past, your mother had sat you down several times to explain that your grandmother was never an easy woman, she reassured you that her judgmental behavior was a reflection of herself, not of you. She always offered to let you stay at home if you wanted to, but you refused only for the rest of the family, you could stand being with your grandmother if that meant being with the rest of them. And you learnt to endure it all: your grandmother’s judging look, all the talking about your cousin’s achievements, their goals, projects, flawless record, and the fact that everyone seemed to be finding their paths except for you. You had to learn to pretend you were happy for them and not jealous, you took several breaths and moved on, and for a while you thought that after two decades of your life you had finally mastered the art in not giving a fuck about what your family thought about you, until today when you ran to hide in the closet so they wouldn’t find you. 

You had to work on that, you knew that, but at least for now the blatant disinterest for your life spared you from having to explain your life crisis, at least Yoongi was by your side, redirecting attention to him and the real question everyone wanted to ask but no one dared, a question that eclipsed any other topic of conversation: what was happening between the two of you? 

You looked at him next to you, charming as ever, talking with your uncle across the table. He decided to put on his glasses, his cheeks were pink and the sleeves of his blue sweater were rolled up to his elbows, his arm was casually resting on the top rail of your chair and every time he made a joke he looked at you to check if you were laughing. Every attempt he made to try to make you part of the conversation made your heart swell, but you were more than happy just observing him blending into your family as if he were part of it; you wanted to be as clueless as everyone on the table and believe that Yoongi could be sitting next year at this very same table to be there for you, for a moment you allowed yourself to dream of a reality where he saved you from every family gathering like he was doing tonight.

From the tip of your nose to the tip of your toes you felt warm, almost as if you had a fever. It was probably because you were still wearing your black sweater inside the house or because the memory of the book Yoongi gave you kept your cheeks burning red, or maybe because when dinner was over and your family lingered over the table for the longest time they could, you saw Yoongi tilting his head towards the stairs, meaning it was time to go to bed. 

There was a couple differences between this weekend and the night Yoongi slept with you after coming back from The Alley, that night you wouldn’t have ask him to stay over if you were sober, and he most likely wouldn’t have stay if he wasn’t high, tonight you had to share the room, but it was impossible for you not to be dramatic and always make big deals out of small things. Unlike you, Yoongi didn’t flinch when you told him you were going to sleep in the same room, you failed to remember that you were the one who had a decade-long crush on him and not the other way around.

Now the house was quiet and everyone was scattered around the floors, your cousins were in the living room with your uncle, your grandmother was already in bed, your mom was in the kitchen washing the dishes and Yoongi was upstairs, waiting for you. Before going with him, you changed into your pajamas and went to the kitchen to steal a few cookies that your mother cooked for tomorrow morning. You could wait a few hours more to eat the cookies, but you were desperately trying to look for an excuse to prolong the moment you entered the room you were sharing with the man upstairs. 

You entered the kitchen, making your mother turn around from the sink to take a quick look at you before coming back to the dishes. “Are you already going to sleep?” She asked, a curious tone on her voice. 

“Yeah, but I wanted to grab a few cookies first, is that okay?” You inquired, already opening the cabinet above her head to grab a big plate.

“Just a few, remember they’re for everyone.” She warned, and you hummed in response, knowing that you were going to grab more than just a few. 

The room fell silent for a moment, you heard the water running and your dragging feet making their way to the cookies on the counter before she raised her voice again. “Are they for you and Yoongi?” 

You hummed again “Yes, just a few, I promise.” You said, grabbing what it seemed to be a whole batch of cookies to put on the plate. 

You tried to be quick, putting an extra cookie for the road between your teeth and turning around to escape from your mother before she could see you and scold you for stealing way too many cookies. Trying not to make any noise, as if that could make you invisible, you made your way towards the door to escape, but when you thought you were about to succeed, you heard the nickname your mom used for you from the corner of the room, stopping you in your tracks. 

“Wait, darling.” You heard her tone of voice, surprised that it wasn’t annoyed, but rather motherly. 

You turned around slowly with your guard up, as if in that way she wouldn’t notice the cookie between your teeth. You took it out of your mouth, hiding it behind your back.

“Yes?” You answered, remaining calm. You would not give yourself away when you already made this far. 

She closed the faucet, turning around to face you. Her eyes fell upon you, offering you an apologetic smile, which was weird, it was the kind of smile she gave you when she knew she was about to upset you. It wasn’t the kind of face someone who was about to scold you would make, she looked hesitant, almost worried. 

“I wanted to-... I mean, I wanted to ask you about something.” She said, stumbling with her own words. Her eyes were not focused on the plate on your hands, not even in your face completely, like she was trying to avoid your eyes. You felt a rush of nervousness running down your body and quickly dissipating, you didn’t know why. 

“About what?” You inquired, wiping the crumbs from your mouth. 

She sighed, playing with the towel in her hands to keep her hands busy. “I know you don’t want me to be all over your business, and I’m aware you are not a teenager anymore, but I can’t help worrying a little bit.” She explained, or at least she tried.

You frowned, more confused than ever. The conversation seemed to be taking a completely different path than you thought five seconds ago. 

“What do you mean, mom?” You said, taking a step forward, what did this have to do with the cookies?

Your mom pursed her lips, hesitating for a microsecond until the words finally came out of her mouth. “You are already a woman, darling, so I wanted to know if you are… cautious.” She pronounced, making emphasis on the last word and letting it sink in the air, but you still didn’t understand what she was talking about. 

“Cautious with what?” You must've looked like a total fool, asking once again what she meant, but your mother seemed to want you to understand without having to explain. 

She shifted in her place and you saw a flash of embarrassment in her eyes, but it quickly disappeared. “With Yoongi, I mean.” She said, making the name resonate in your ears “I know you’re both adults and you can do whatever you want, but I wanted to make sure that you are using protection.”

The realization fell upon you like a ton of bricks, each word she uttered felt like a different punch to your stomach. You opened your eyes widely, almost choking with your own spit.  “What? No, mom-” You wanted to interrupt her, but she was quick to talk over you. 

“I just want to make sure!” She said like she was apologizing “I don’t mean to be invasive, but it’s important to me that you’re being safe.”

You winced, feeling your face burning as you began stuttering “Me and Yoongi…-We are not, I mean-”

“Honey,” She stopped you, looking at you like she was a sex education teacher trying to explain why you should use protection. “I was not born yesterday, I see things happening, and believe me, I have no problem with you sharing a room, but I can’t help but ask.”

You were left completely speechless, and her constant interruptions while you were trying to finish a sentence were not helping. You racked your brain to find a logical explanation, but you were incapable of forming a decent sentence when she was looking at you like she was a doctor. The fact that your mother thought that you and Yoongi were having sex made your stomach squirm, and how she stated that it was obvious left your head spinning. Did she see you today in that closet and immediately assumed you were… fucking? God, that sounded so bad, so incredibly embarrassing. You still felt yourself blushing when you thought about that moment, you couldn’t even fathom the idea of seeing him without a shirt, less alone having sex with him.

“Mom, please. You don’t have to worry, really.” You tried to explain, but that was not enough to leave your mother content, by the look on her face you knew she didn’t believe you one bit. 

“I know I don’t have to worry!” She defended herself “Yoongi is a great boy, and I trust you… But you know, if things get a bit too frisky...” 

You closed your eyes shut, trying not to picture that in your mind, “God, mom, don’t use that word!” 

“Sorry! I mean… You know what I mean! I hope you’re using protection, no matter the circumstances.” 

You took a deep breath, ninety percent sure you were about to die of embarrassment, but with your last breath you made sure to be clear with your mom so tonight she would sleep peacefully “Believe me, mom. You don’t have to worry, nothing happened between Yoongi and me, I mean it.”

You could see it in her eyes, she was not convinced, and she was right to be so. That was a lie, and she knew it. What happened today was not “nothing”, and your mother knowing that only made your cheeks burn.

“Fine.” She said, struggling to let the conversation go “But if something does happen… Be safe, okay?”

You nodded repeatedly, trying to end the conversation as soon as possible. “Yes, of course.” You promised, but the idea of that ever happening sent a chill down your spine, you tried to shake that thought as far away as you possibly could. 

Your mom smiled and you took it as your cue to go. You tried to walk away, but before you reached the door, she spoke again. 

“And darling?” She said, making you turn around to see her. “I know you don’t like coming here without your brother, so thank you for coming anyway.”

“It’s fine, mom.” You said, and it was true. “At least Yoongi made up for it.”

She smirked, suppressing a laugh. “Oh, I’m sure.”

You rolled your eyes, in disbelief. “Yup, I’m going now, goodnight!” You said, finally escaping from the conversation. You heard your mom’s laugh in the distance as you closed the door behind you to run upstairs. 

Present

When you visited Simon’s apartment for the first time you could clearly notice it was a boy’s apartment from the lack of decoration, the lack of food in the fridge and the amount of boxes still unpacked weeks after moving in, but after you entered through the door tonight you saw a completely different version of it. It was a part of him that you missed out when you were gone, now there were plants on the living room and traces of Florence all over the place, like her purple slippers on the door and the purple toothbrush on the bathroom, her scrunchies on the entryway table and the framed picture of her beside them. You found it endearing, it was like a secret world made just for the two of them, a proper home. 

“When is Florence coming back?” You asked, leaving your bag on the couch. 

Simon took off his shoes, wandering through his house as he turned all the lights on “On Monday.” He replied.

You made a mental note to leave on Monday, even if Simon repeated a thousand times that it was okay for you to stay there on the way here, you didn’t want to intrude in his life. Instead you decided it would be easier to intrude in Minnie’s life, who’s apartment was big enough for the two of you, the only person she shared her apartment with was not an actual person, it was just her orange cat. 

 “I was supposed to go with her.” Your brother kept talking “But me and Yoongi are behind on some work and I had to stay… Well, I’m the one who’s behind, really. Yoongi is just helping me.”

You did not forget that Simon and Yoongi worked together at the same law firm downtown ever since they graduated. You knew that Yoongi got the job as soon as he graduated and then he was followed by your brother, after years it was still impossible to keep them apart, which had become a problem for you. 

You nodded but didn’t say anything about it, you reasoned that Yoongi was still working before arriving at your house, that explained the clothes, the shoes and the messy hair. You sighed just by thinking about it, at least dinner was over, at least your first encounter with Yoongi after four years wasn’t the worst thing that happened tonight. 

It was impossible, but you tried not to think about it too much. Yoongi’s presence was some kind of collateral effect that came with your life, it was too late to detach him from it, but you still tried to run away from it for years and years, only to come back and still find him here, talking to you like nothing ever happened, like you were still friends. 

Yoongi and you were always on different stages of your life, on different places, on different paths, but you seemed to agree on one thing: keep everything secret, no one needed to know what happened between the two of you, that was why Simon was always talking about Yoongi when you called him, that was why he couldn’t stop talking about it him now, he didn’t realize that you didn’t want to know anything about his best friend, you could never told him why.

You followed your brother to his guest room as he talked and talked about how smart Yoongi was and how he was capable of taking so many different cases and not dying in the process, how nice it was to work with his best friend and blablabla. You swore that if you heard the name one more time you would explode, so you decided to drastically change the subject of the conversation, you were willing to say anything to take his name out of your brother’s mouth. It took a second, but when the room fell silent, you looked at your feet, a bit unsure, gathering enough courage to finally say what you’ve been meaning to tell him since you arrived home.

“I’m sorry for not telling you about the proposal.” You softly spoke, and Simon, who was looking for a blanket in the closet in the corner of the room, turned his head to look at you. “I wanted to tell you in person, but I wasn’t planning for that article to come out, I didn’t want the whole world to know.”

Simon left the blanket on the bed, turning his body to look at you more clearly. “Mom told me that you think Ian leaked the news” He mentioned, and you nodded, at the risk of looking crazy. 

“Sally suggested it.” You confirmed, sitting on the bed “And if he didn’t, he’s fine with it anyway. He doesn’t care if people see me as this bitch who broke his heart, I might as well be.” 

He looked at the wall behind you, confused. “I think I missed a chapter here.” He said, sitting on the edge of the bed “Maybe more than one. Weren’t you in love with him?”

You wanted to grab a pillow, bury your face on it and scream as loud as you could, but for the sake of looking like a sane person you contained yourself. “I thought I was.” You said sincerely. you believed there was a time when you were sure you were in love with Ian, there were moments you thought that the good things about him could outweigh the bad things, but deep down you knew that if you were really in love you wouldn’t have to do all that math, you wouldn’t have to fight to ignore his arrogance and his big ego. 

“And when did you realize that you weren’t?” He continued to ask “Or when did you realize he was a jerk?”

You scoffed, bitterly. “I guess I always knew both, I tried to make it work regardless. I enjoyed being with him for some time, but then he planned an engagement party full of people I didn’t even know. He didn’t care to call any of you and expected me to say yes… Does that say more about him or me?”

He kept quiet, not knowing what to say, but you already knew the answer. 

“Ian was an asshole, kid. He was jealous of you, of your family, of your job, none of us understood why you were with him.” 

“That was not what I asked.” You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Ian was a prick, I get it, but I wasn’t much better either.”

“You can’t make me think you deserve each other, are you kidding?” He said. 

“I can’t blame him for everything, I made my own bed.” You huffed “I was terrible and it took me almost four years to snap out of it, that was not his fault.” 

“You are right, but you’re here now, aren’t you?” He reminded you, calmly. “Isn’t that what’s important?” 

You began to become exasperated “C’mon, Simon, don’t try to be nice, you’re supposed to be mad at me.” 

“I am mad at you.” He corrected you, sending a chill down your spine “You’re working all the time, you never call, never text back, we barely see you and the only way to know about your life is when we read some article saying you broke up with your boyfriend because he proposed to you, are you kidding? Of course I am mad, but because I miss you.”

You felt a wave of regret hitting all your senses, suddenly your eyes were burning with tears and you are not supposed to cry, you knew that, but the single tear that slid down your cheek was quicker than any thought that could cross your mind. Somehow, you wished your family hadn't noticed how absent you'd been these past few years, that they just shrugged and said “that’s just her” and forgot about it, it was not necessary to look at Simon’s face to know that he couldn’t just forget about it. He loved you, your mother loved you too, you didn’t have a family that you would want to run away from, but you did it anyway,

“I’m sorry…” You murmured, looking at him with eyes full of regret. “It wasn’t you, it wasn’t any of you, it was me. I was so angry when I left, I didn’t know how to handle it.”

You wouldn’t trade your career for anything, it was one of those few things that made you happy, but after years of trying to convince yourself that every decision you made for the last few years was the right choice, this was the first time that you admitted that maybe you weren’t thinking clearly when you decided to move to the city and never look back. 

Simon frowned, thinking about it twice before asking “Were you angry, bug?”

You tilted your head, giving him a sad smile, hoping that it could explain everything.”I was quite angry, yes.” You answered “Not at you, though.” 

“At mom?” 

“Maybe a little bit at mom, yeah.” You laughed, shaking your head. You sighed deeply, letting the silence sit in the room for a moment before you could put in order all the things you wanted to say. “I remember when I told her I left college she looked at me like I finally lost my mind, it was like she saw it coming, you know? Me, again, being lost, it was not a surprise, but rather something she would expect of me. I know she was just worried and I know I can be a lot sometimes, but it hurt anyway. I don't blame anyone, Simon, but all I needed was someone to believe in me and no one did. I had to leave.” Something ached inside your chest because that was not the whole truth, but it was all you could say tonight, you couldn’t say that Yoongi was also one of the reasons. “I’m not trying to justify myself.” You mumbled “I’m just saying that I was so angry that I didn’t realize how many mistakes I made.” 

The silence that took over the room was so strong it made your stomach squirm. You shifted in your place, but Simon stayed there, with his gaze lost somewhere in the room as he processed what you just said. 

“I always believed in you, you know that?” He spoke, causing your head to snap up towards him. “I know a lot of people tried to tell you that you weren’t, but you’ve always been special and I’ve always seen it.” 

“I know you did.” You sighed. “But I was being so stubborn, I walked away and I’m so sorry.”

“I know you think you’re too much, but you’re not.” He continued talking “Maybe mom just wanted everything to be simple, for her kids to go to college, graduate, get a job and a home and never have to worry about whether they are choosing right or wrong ever again. But you’re not simple, bug, you’re extraordinary and talented and too brilliant to stay still, but you’re not too much, not for me.” 

You held back a sob, feeling ridiculous. “I’m sorry.” You said, once again, because you haven’t said it enough times.

“It’s okay now, I mean it.” Simon reached for your hand to squeeze it tightly. 

You sniffed “God, I should be comforting you for being a bad sister, not the other way around” 

“I don’t need to be comforted, I’m okay as long as you’re here.” He tried to cheer you up. “And you were not a bad sister, you were sad and acted shitty.” 

You smiled, because you told Simon that you were angry but instead he heard that you were sad, you didn’t feel like correcting him because he wasn’t so wrong about that. 

“I’m sorry.” You repeated once again like a scratched record, making him laugh. “Are you still mad at me?”

“No.” he replied, “But only if you promise not to disappear again.” 

You raised your hand, extending your pinky finger in front of his face. “I promise you, Simon, I will not disappear again.”

Simon tangled his pinky with yours, making your promise impossible to be broken, and your soul felt at ease for a moment.

“Fine, good enough for me.” he said, throwing himself back onto the bed. “Now I want to hear everything about the proposal, and I want you to describe to me exactly the face he made when you said no.”

You laughed, throwing yourself on the bed the same way he did and tried to summarize the last three years in just one night. Only for today, your body did you a favor and your head stopped spinning at least for now. Something began to feel right.

Four years ago

Seven days before New Year’s Eve

You could hear the radio at the end of the hallway in your grandmother’s room, softly playing jazz to cancel out the outside noise. Not everyone in the house liked the radio, your cousins always said that it was annoying and kept them awake, but it was still one of those old habits of your grandfather that remained in the house even if he was no longer here, so you liked it. The music inevitably seeped under the door of your room, Yoongi hummed some Frank Sinatra song as if he knew the lyrics to it, making you laugh and beg him to stop. 

You know it’s almost midnight, as your roommate just informed you, but you didn’t want to turn the lights off yet. All of the cookies already disappeared from the plate, Yoongi was laying on his side the same way you were and the lamp on the nightstand warmly lighted up his brown eyes, you couldn’t help but feel you were not supposed to be in such presence, his messy hair and the loose white shirt he wore to sleep, his sleepy eyes, his pink lips; it looked just like the kind of view that was bound to haunt you forever. 

The nightstand that separated you was not far enough to stop that pull from the string in your chest, not when he was looking at you like that, his gaze fixated on yours like he didn’t want to leave you awake alone, and neither did you. You felt yourself shaking because, what was the version of you that existed when you were asleep? And what happened inside his head when you were not there? What was happening inside his head right now?

Did you cross his mind the same way he crossed yours? When you finally fell asleep, would he remember that moment in the closet or would it be just water under the bridge? Did he spend every waking second of the last seven hours thinking of that fleeting moment when you could almost feel his lips on yours?

Or was that just you?

The night was fading away, your eyelids were getting heavy but you still couldn’t find the will to sleep. 

“I’m sorry for today.” You almost whispered, gathering enough courage to mention the little accident “I’m sorry for dragging you with me to the closet.”  

He smiled softly, closing his eyes for a second. “It’s okay, it was cozy.” He teased you, making you groan in annoyance. He laughed loudly at your reaction, annoying you even more. “I’m serious, it was okay.” 

“Was it really?” You asked him “Wasn’t I being silly?”

“It's okay being silly sometimes.” He assured you, but that did not ease that anxious feeling in your stomach. He seemed to see it in your face. “What’s wrong with being a little silly? I would’ve run from your grandmother, too.” 

You bitterly laughed, covering your face with the palms of your hands “Stop, I’m being immature.” You groaned “I’ve got to get my shit together.”

“C’mon Pinky, you have to stop with that.” He said. 

“I would if I could.” You remarked.

“Didn’t you say you were going to get your shit together after the holidays?” He reminded you “Why are you worrying right now?”

Yoongi was right, that was the initial plan, but ever since you came back home everything was pointing in different directions and it was beginning to drive you crazy, it was like the universe was forcing you to think about it, it was not letting you run away from it, not even temporarily. First, it was Yoongi, showing up every few days at your doorstep, grabbing your hand, squeezing your legs, whispering things in your ear like he wanted you to go insane, it was Minnie, offering you a job, talking about The Alley, saying you were supposed to be on the big screen, and then it was your mother, expecting you to make up your mind once for all. And still, you had your whole life ahead, why were you worrying right now?

“I don’t know…” You sighed “What if I come back next year and the plan was not good enough? What if I end up hiding again from everyone?”

Yoongi shifted in bed, curious “Do you have a plan, Pinky?” The nickname rolled off his tongue softly, you swimmed in the tenderness of his voice, something about it made you want to tell him everything.

“Not really, I mean… It all sounds so bad.” 

“You have a plan.” He affirmed, smiling “I want to hear it.”

“It’s not a plan.” You contradicted yourself “If it were a plan, it would suck.”

Yoongi hummed “It’s something like a plan, then.”

You scrunched your nose, unsure. “Yeah, but not quite like a plan, something like a…” You said, but the words died on your lips before you got the chance to finish. 

“Something like a dream, then?” He continued to ask, but you shook your head.

“Something close.” You expressed, unable to find the right words to explain your thoughts. You stayed silent for a second, believing he was beginning to lose interest in the topic, until the words slipped past his lips like a spell.

“Something like a wish.” He pronounced, and he was not asking, it was almost like he knew. 

You thought there was not much difference between a dream and a wish, but in this case, there was. 

You smiled at him, nodding, somehow you felt you could trust him with all your secrets “Yes, like a wish.” You affirmed, and it felt like a confession. “I don’t know Yoongi, have you ever stayed up late and planned something but when you woke up next morning you felt it was stupid? Well, I do that every night.”

“I’m sure that whatever it is, it’s not stupid.” He said, making your heart swell.  

“I would like to believe you…” You murmured “Do you have a dream, Yoongi? Something you’re too scared to wish for?”

You could see him think about it for a moment, but his eyes were still connected with yours. Oh, how you wished to be inside his mind right now, read his thoughts, witness his dreams, know all his secrets.

“Yes.” He confirmed, “But I can’t talk about them out loud right now.” 

You laughed, biting your bottom lip. “Okay, fair. What about those you can say out loud?”

“I’m not going to tell you because you’re going to laugh.” He pouted, making you frown. 

“Laugh?” You repeated, sounding more offended than you actually were. “I would never, c’mon.”

He raised an eyebrow, testing you “You sure?”

“Of course, don’t piss me off.” 

“Fine, fine.” He let out a long sigh, believing you. “My wish would be… to stop time for a while. Sometimes I believe I can’t think when time’s running, all I do is study and come home to my mom, there is very little time that I have for myself.”  

You felt your chest tighten, but it didn't surprise you that Yoongi felt this way. He already mentioned to you that, even if taking care of his mother didn’t feel like a burden, he still felt he was missing out on so many things. 

“And what would you do if time stopped right now?” 

Yoongi shifted his eyes for a moment, and you almost missed it but you saw it, the urge to hold back and the words getting stuck on his throat. 

“Mmm…” He hummed, “I’ll go to the beach.”

“In winter?”

“Yes, I wouldn’t care.”

“And where else?” You continued to ask.

“Honestly? I’ll go anywhere but home.” He confessed.

“What’s wrong with home?” You of all people knew exactly what was wrong with home, but you wanted to hear why he thought that. 

“Home it’s okay,” He waved off. “It just feels like I spent my whole life there. I went to college expecting something to change, and a lot of things did but I still feel like something else is supposed to happen, like there's something else for me to see.” 

It was looking in a mirror, it was the same thing you’ve told him a few days ago but in other words, in another tone. Yoongi sounded resigned, like his wish was clearly something that was not meant to happen and he needed to come to terms with it, nothing could ever make you more sad. 

“There’s plenty for you to see, Yoongi, are you kidding?” You chuckled  “You’re twenty five, you’re barely grasping life.” 

He scoffed, bitterly, “It’s not that easy.” 

“Of course it is easy, do you know it’s not necessary to stop time to go to the beach?” 

“I know, Pinky.” He agreed, “But what does it feel like running away?” 

“Running away would be so bad?” You asked, hearing the question echoing in the room, letting you know that maybe it was something you weren’t supposed to wonder out loud. Yoongi didn’t dare to ask such a question, but you seemed determined to make his wish come true, maybe you were the only one who could do it. 

“Don’t ask me.” He said, looking at the ceiling to avoid your gaze.  “Don’t act like running away isn’t your wish as well” 

You snorted, immediately grabbing a pillow and threatening to punch him in the face with it, but Yoongi is quick to cover his face with his arms.

“Don’t!” He protested, laughing.

 “Don’t expose me like that!” You whined, embarrassed. 

“What, am I wrong?” 

“Maybe you’re not…” You dared to answer, leaving the pillow on the bed again “But how do you know?”

“I told you, Pinky.” He murmured “I just know.”

You shook your head in denial, how could it be? Were you really that transparent or Yoongi really just knew? 

“What else do you know?” You continued to ask, curious. 

He pretended to think about it, pouting his lips and looking at the ceiling as if the answers were to fall from the sky. His eyes shifted towards yours, tilting his head “I know that you would run away to the beach with me if I asked you to.” 

A giggle was built in your throat, you laughed nervously as you tried to decipher if he was joking or not, even if Yoongi could see right through you, it was a bit difficult for you to do the same with him. 

“I don’t know about that.” You said, ignoring the way your heart was beating against your ribcage. “Do you mean in… an hypothetical scenario?” 

“It’s a hypothetical proposal.” He answered.

“I’ll have to check my schedule first.” 

A smirk tugged from the corner of his lips. “What about… two weeks away from now?”

You did the calculation in your head, but you already knew that by then Yoongi would have to go back to class, so you doubted. “What about the semester?” You asked, trying to be the voice of reason. “Your last semester, might I add.”

“That could wait.” He did not hesitate “Isn’t it part of running away? Leaving things behind?”

You laughed “And what would people say about me, then? That I made you leave college, nuh-hu.” 

“Here we go again with that.” He rolled his eyes “I don’t care what people say and, besides, I’m not leaving college, I’m… postponing it.” 

That didn’t sound like the Yoongi you knew at all, but then again, this whole conversation didn’t sound like anything Yoongi from the past would say. A thousand questions crossed your mind, like what do you do on the beach in winter? Wouldn’t being alone be a problem? What are you going to talk about, where are you going to stay? If you say yes, would he grab your hand when you crossed the street, would he try to kiss you again? 

You crossed your arms, thinking about it, not daring to agree right away, but how could you say no? When he was looking at you, convinced that you would say yes. 

You opened your mouth, not sure what you were going to say but still ready to answer, and before you could utter a word, he interrupted you. “Run away with me to the beach, Pinky.” He asked in a soft tone, looking at you with warm eyes and warm words, making your heart shake violently in your chest “Only for now, I promise I’ll make it worth it.”

You smiled, ignoring that little person inside you that tried to warn you about something, but you weren’t sure about what because all you could feel was your heart racing. “Fine, I’ll follow you for now.” You simply said, trying to sound as cool as possible “Let’s run.” 

In that moment you forgot about years and years of disappointment and failed dreams, failed wishes, you ignored the reality, deciding everything was false and true at the same time. You didn’t need to look at the clock to know that it was midnight, something inside your chest sparkled and told you it was time to make your wish, and for some reason, you listened. It echoed in every corner of your mind, your wish was the beach in winter. 

Four days before New Year’s Eve

Two weeks ago, when you bought Yoongi’s Christmas gift, you thought about it like a farewell. You stood in the shop and talked to the tall man with the long face and chose the gift as you tried to convince yourself this was a way of saying goodbye to him. 

That Christmas morning Yoongi tore the brown wrapping paper and opened the long box to find that you decided to give him a red tie. It wasn’t bright red, it was deep dark red, red like a rose. It came with a notebook and a pen with his initials on them. In your mind, you were giving away that version of him that lived in your head and clung to your thoughts and clung to your heart, that version of him you could never let go. Yoongi was about to graduate, he was about to become officially a lawyer, an adult, a man, he wasn’t that boy you fell in love with years ago, he was a wish you had to let in the past and your gift was just a way to remind you of it. You had a purpose, a plan, you had everything figured out until he decided to ask you to run away with him, until you said yes.

His gifts for you were a vinyl copy of Is This It by The Strokes, two tickets to watch When Harry Met Sally at the Alley the following week and a pair of red gloves for the rest of the winter. 

Yoongi looked at you and smiled like you both knew something everyone else in the room didn’t. “The gloves match with the tie.” He had said.

So now you had no plan, what you did have though, was a bunch of pictures of several locations Yoongi thought of booking for your trip to the beach. You were doomed. 

You thought the only person in this town who could possibly understand what you were going through was Minnie, the only person in the world who knew about your feelings for Yoongi, and the only person who you could call a friend at the moment. 

You weren’t expecting to see Minnie again when you saw her at The Alley a few weeks ago, but she had different plans; it was like she forced you to be her friend again. You tried to stop thinking you didn’t deserve it, you had to swallow your guilt and accept her friendship, and after a few five hour calls filled with gossip, you ultimately decided not to be against it, even if she called you everyday and still talked nonstop about that audition in the city, talking with her felt like you were still fifteen, and you liked it.

That night, as she raided her closet looking for a dress for you to wear at the New Year’s party at The Alley, you sat on her bed and gave her a run down of everything that happened with Yoongi since you came back home, it didn’t take her much to get you to admit that you were still in love with your brother’s best friend, so you might as well be honest and tell her everything. 

“You’re being stupid right now, sweetheart.” You heard her muffled voice from inside her closet. The next thing you saw was a piece of fabric flying in the air and landing at your feet. You grabbed it, putting in front of you to reveal a short pink dress that you would never, ever wear. 

You snorted, leaving the dress on the pile of clothes that you already rejected. You seemed to forget that Minnie was not the most adequate person to talk about “boy stuff”, perhaps because she was way too honest. You didn’t know whether it was a mistake or not to tell her about the trip to the beach, because all the questions she was asking and all the things she was stating to be true were thoughts you were desperately trying to avoid. 

“He wants to fuck you, I don’t know how else to tell you this.” She said, walking over the clothes to make her way to you. You threw yourself on the bed, covering your face with your palms “I mean, I wish I could only tell you that he’s head over heels for you, and honey, that he is, but he also wants to fuck you.”

You groaned, kicking your feet. “God, you make me want to throw up.”

“Of excitement, I’m assuming.” She affirmed “I’m telling you, there’s no way you’re going on a trip alone and come back without having fucked.”

You looked at her, begging her to stop talking, but she was not finished. “Stop!”

“Picture this.” She ignored you, forming a rectangle with her fingers and looking right through it as if she was directing a scene from a movie “First scenario, a storm causes the power to go out, there’s no electricity, you have no way to be warm so you sleep in the same bed to warm up, there’s tension, you look at each other and kiss, you fuck.”

“Okay, I don’t see that happening.” You shook your head. 

“Second scenario, you just finished showering, you go out of the bathroom wearing only a towel because you think he’s not there, but he is! He sees you, you kiss, you fuck.”

“That’s not… That sounds like porn.” 

“Third scenario!” She exclaimed. 

“Fine, that’s enough.” You stopped her, waving your arms in the air. 

“No, you have to prepare! And when it happens you will know that I was right.” Your friend insisted, but you refused to let any of those ideas in your mind. 

“What if you’re not?” You wondered “What if he just wants to be my friend and I’m just imagining everything?”

“But you are not, are you kidding?” She laughed “That man is clearly in love with you, why are you convincing yourself otherwise?”

You felt Minnie’s body sitting right next to you, causing you to sit back on the bed to look at her face to face. You were sure you were about to start crying out of frustration. “I don’t know, what if I get hurt?”

Minnie pursed her lips “Baby, I can’t answer that question at all, but you have to take the chance.” 

You groaned, annoyed. “I don’t want to take the chance.” You whined “I was fine before seeing him again, I wasn’t even thinking of him.”

“That is a lie,” She laughed, mocking you. “We both know you never stopped being in love with him, now you have him in the palm of your hand, do something.” 

Minnie stood up again, looking for another piece of clothing on the floor as you kept silent, wondering if any of that could be possible. Did you really have him in the palm of your hand? Was he in love with you and you were being stupid for believing that he wanted to be just friends?

“What should I do?” You asked her, hoping that the redhead in the room knew all the secrets of the universe. 

“Invite him to the New Year’s party and wear a hot outfit, how about that?” Minnie offered, like that could answer all your prayers. 

“Would that resolve all my problems?” You joked, talking to the sky. 

“C’mon, he literally asked you to run away with him, don’t you find that a little bit hot? Don’t you really think that was not code for ‘I want to fuck you’?” 

You laughed “Yoongi is not like that!” You protested. 

“I hate to break it to you, but you are hot.” She insisted, throwing another piece of clothing at your face. “And if Yoongi is not blind, he knows that, and let’s not forget the most important fact here.” 

“Which is…?”

“He’s in love with you, let’s start wrapping our heads around that.” She simply said “Once that’s done, you invite him to the New Year’s eve party at The Alley, you wear a hot outfit and confront him about it, tell him to stop playing around.”

You grabbed the dress Minnie just threw at you, which was another short dress, but this one was actually cute. It was black and was covered in black sparkly sequins with thin straps, you were definitely going to freeze to death if you wore that, but you were sure this fitted the description of “hot outfit”. 

Minnie was right, you couldn’t keep running away from the facts, everything was laid on the table, you didn’t need more proof to know that Yoongi felt something for you, even if you weren’t sure if it was the same that you felt for him, you needed to gather enough courage to find out what it was. 

You grabbed the phone in your pocket and opened Yoongi’s chat, you decided to invite him to the New Year’s party. 

taglist: @kingofbodyrolls @overtherainbow35 @namin13 @p34rluv @moonchild1 @yoongisoftface @namgihours @idkjustlovingbts @yoongisducky @bangtansmauyeondan @tarahardcore @wobblewobble822 @secfir @ot72025 @baechugff @heroinanne @mortal-body-timelesssoul @hiii-priestess @wii-wii @jungkookies1002 @busanbby-jjk @acquiescence804 @yoongibaybee @hsbongwater

[joocomics]

only for tonight

from ─ ⋆ dinna’s holiday special 2023 *ੈ✩

pairings: jooyeon x fem!reader x jiseok

genre: smut wc: 5k

summary: jooyeon sucks at secret santa, and when he shows up empty handed at the party where everyone’s exchanging their presents, he decides to gift his friend you for the night

warnings: dub-con, toxic relationships, possessive behaviour

contains: sub!reader, unprotected sex, cuckolding that turns into a threesome, dirty talk, pet names, oral sex (m/f), choking (f!rec), spanking, cussing, name calling (slut/whore), deepthroating, alcohol consumption, a few slaps here and there, a sprinkle of anal play but no anal sex (f!rec)

“Seriously, Jooyeon? How could you forget?” You whisper as loudly as you possibly could with the loud music blasting in the room. “It’s a Christmas party,” you add to emphasize his foolish mistake. He doesn’t seem to care though, swallowing the last few sips of yet another alcoholic drink, while you both follow Jiseok’s footsteps.

“Look, I get it, you can stop nagging now,” he hisses in a slightly irritated tone. “I’ll just get him something next week or something, it’s not a big deal,” he says, as you see Jiseok pointing at a white door.

You pass by the guests, leaving the living area and the three of you enter in which seems to be his bedroom.

You look around, enjoying the much quieter space. Jiseok’s apartment currently is definitely too crowded for your taste and this little empty corner of it was a nice change of scenery. Most of the time when there’s parties like this one you just decline the invitation, but it’s Christmas, and it’s Jiseok’s first big party in his new apartment, there was no way you could’ve miss it.

He was one of the few nice friends of Jooyeon who you didn’t mind being around.

He quickly opens and closes the wardrobe which is mostly empty like the rest of the room. The only thing he’s made is the bed and his gaming chair, the rest of his belongings are still waiting in an unopened boxes, except a few bags of clothes. He jumps over the scattered mess before walking up to you with a small present in his hand.

“Merry Christmas,” he gives you a genuine ear-to-ear smile before speaking again as you stare at the gift. “Pulled your name for Secret Santa.”

“Oh, really? Thank you, Jiseok…” you smile back, gently touching the red ribbon. “Merry Christmas to you too!”

Behind you Jooyeon leans back on the wooden desk, watching with interest how the scene unfolds.

“Awhh,” he imitates your surprised gasps while crossing arms to his chest. “Open it already! Let’s see if it’s better than what I got you.”

You roll your eyes at the comments just for Jiseok to see. He only laughs, finding Jooyeon’s overreaction humorous while you on the other hand couldn’t help, but feel like it rubbed you the wrong way.

Jiseok takes a step back, giving you time to open the gift. You rip off the festive wrapping paper, and after the small velvety box opens, you see a delicate silver bracelet that makes you swallow your tongue in surprise. You did not expect such a beautiful piece.

“Oh my goodness, it’s gorgeous! I-I don’t know what to say…” You take it out carefully.

“Phew, thank god I don’t have to go back to that store.” Jiseok’s face puckers as if he remembers something really unpleasant. “Glad you like it though.”

“Absolutely,” you say, when you feel Jooyeon’s presence appearing behind your shoulder.

“Do you need help putting it on?” He steals the jewellery from your hand, viewing it up close.

You nod without saying a word as something unsettling drops to the pit of your stomach from the way he’s suddenly behaving.

He reaches for your wrist while Jiseok is already about to exit the room.

“Alright, I gotta return to my party, I’ll wait fo—“

“Actually,” Jooyeon cuts him off, clasping the dangling bracelet. “I was supposed to get you something too, but I completly forgot. Hope you don’t mind.” He holds your hand between his two palms for several seconds before letting it go.

“Of course not,” Jiseok grins, finding the possibility amusing. “No biggie.” He opens the door, but his friend interrupts again.

“You’re not mad? It’s your party after all, and you got my girlfriend a nice present.”

“Dude, don’t worry about it. You’ll buy me a beer and we’re even.” He shrugs shoulders with eyes still smiling. His hand holds the door lock, as he notices some changes in Jooyeon’s expression.

“Now that I think about it… I actually might have something for you,” Jooyeon’s lips slid upwards, causing Jiseok to raise a brow.

“And that is?”

“Y/N. Only for tonight, of course.”

“What?” you exclaim, hoping for an immediate explanation.

Jiseok’s surprise follows yours with a delay, because he wasn’t sure if he heard right.

“What are you talking about?” he asks just when you move to stand between the two of them.

You and Jooyeon are face to face, but it’s like he looks right through you. You couldn’t understand a word of his at this point. Instead of giving you some clarity he takes a quick look at his phone.

“There’s an hour and a half left till midnight. I think that’s more than enough.” He shoves the cellphone back in his pocket, and waits for any reaction from Jiseok who could only stare at him in disbelief.

“I don’t think I get it,” he shakes his head, not able to take the idea seriously. It sounds too good to be true, especially from the mouth of Jooyeon who doesn’t let any guy from his friend group even breathe next to you.

“I’m giving you one hour with my girlfriend,” your boyfriend explains in a completely calm manner that made your skin crawl. “That’s my christmas gift.” A delighted smile takes over his face when he wraps an arm around his friend’s shoulder. “Come on, don’t pretend in front of me.”

Jiseok attempts to say something back, but he only gets silenced as Jooyeon’s rising voice dominates the conversation.

“We’re friends and good friends share with each other, right Y/N?”

You couldn’t recognise your own boyfriend at that moment.

“She was so worried that I didn’t buy you anything. Tsk, my sweet considerate kitten, always looking out for others.” He eyes you up and down, grinning mischievously and still not letting go of Jiseok. “I know you want to fuck her,” he whispers in his ear. “You’ve always wanted to.”

“Jooyeon…” your breath hitches as you look for the right words. He couldn’t be talking seriously. He couldn’t give you to someone else.

“Yes, doll.”

Jiseok flinches after Jooyeon pulls away. He comes up to caress your cheeks, anticipating your words. Either his fingertips are cold or you’re just on fire all of a sudden, you couldn’t tell.

Before you can form a coherent thought, Jooyeon forces his lips on top of yours. The jewellery box falls from your hand as you wince from his grip. The alcoholic taste flows into your mouth when he parts your lips to slip his tongue, stimulating all of your senses.

Whatever the situation was, Jooyeon’s touch always brought butterflies in your stomach, making you forget what’s happening around you, and that drove you crazy.

Your mouth begins moving like it has a life of its own, letting more of his tongue in, smooching his bottom lip and swallowing more of his breaths.

“He’s watching, right?” He drops the question between your kisses with an erotic raspiness to it.

You pull back, peaking from his shoulder and catch Jiseok’s stare. This makes him immediatelly look to the other side of the room, acting as if he didn’t see a thing.

“Go sit down.”

With your legs trembling, you do as Jooyeon commands, sitting at the end of the bed. He comes to grip on the sides of your turtleneck sweater, fully removing it from your body. The sudden chilly air makes you shiver as you remain in your lacy bralette.

“Let’s show him how fucking gorgeous you are.”

He tosses the piece of clothing on the ground and glares at his friend.

Jiseok sighs, running a hand through his dark hair as he always does when he’s contemplating about something. He walks around the room, straying away as far as possible, but his attention turns back to you every time. He tries to compose himself, however, his body language betrays him.

Suddenly all of the perverse thoughts he’s had of you on the days you’ve hung out together can be evident in his expressions.

Jooyeon sees them all.

“You’re very quiet over there.” Your boyfriend evokes.

“What do you want me to say?” Jiseok raises his voice as his expression transforms into something different than what it used to be. “Yeah, I want to fuck her, so what?” He scoffs after he sees Jooyeon’s satisfied smirk follow.

He watches him jump on the bed without paying more attention to him.

The truth is, Jooyeon has been secretly wanting to share you with someone for a while now, and the only person he’s willing to do it with is Jiseok. They grew up together, and Jooyeon has learned through the years how to read every single expression of his face. He’s perfectly aware that Jiseok has been dreaming to fuck you the day he introduced you to him as his girlfriend - alone, he can bet.

Your heart starts raising as both of them finally surround you. Jiseok gets closer only to drop down in your legs.

“He’s been wanting to do this for so long, sweetheart, let him have a taste.” He moves your hair across the shoulder to kiss your neck. He knows this is a very easy way to make you lower your guard, it was one of your favorite places to feel him on your body. The numbness in your bones gradually decreases with every warm nibble he makes at your flesh.

You open your eyes wide when you feel your jeans unzip. Jooyeon gets you to stand up and you nervously pull them off, so close to Jiseok who’s sitting on his knees in anticipation that’s too obvious.

He couldn’t control his gaze as much as before. He follows the length of your legs - from your feet, kneecaps, to your plush thighs, that seem not so resistant as before. Instead of staying closed, they slowly open, revealing the dark violet color of your underwear.

“My gorgeous, gorgeous girl…” Your boyfriend traces a finger down to your bellybutton. “With the most delicious cunt,” he presses his middle finger hard exactly on your clit, causing you to hold your breath. “Time runs fast, if you want to get your dick inside, you better start eating,” he glares down at his friend, before pulling your panties, leaving them to hang around your ankles.

For Jiseok this is like a slap in the face. He would’ve never imagined that of all girls he knows, he would get to taste you - the main character in most of his fantasies. He twitches in his underwear as he completely removes you from your own.

“Excited?” Your boyfriend asks, braking him out of his trance and gives your bare pussy a harsh slap.

“Fuck yeah,” he breathes out, wetting his lips.

Jooyeon watches with amusement the way he gulps while thirsting over the view. He can fuck you whenever he wants while his friend gets only an hour.

It takes you a second to realise this is really happening. When Jiseok goes in between your inner thighs and lets his flat tongue slide up your folds, you feel your brain shutting off.

He doesn’t start slow. He doesn’t even give you a chance to get used to his unfamiliar mouth. He twirls his tongue up your clit, causing you to gasp over and over again. His jaw moves in a rush, as he’s trying to eat as much as he can from you, in case Jooyeon changes his mind. You can feel how you warm up inside from every harsh lick he leaves on you, each one getting stronger and only better than the last one. It forces your teeth to chew on your lips, repressing every sound that creeps up in your throat.

It doesn’t feel right to show how much you actually like this.

“Damn, he’s not playing,” Jooyeon cackles at Jiseok’s face digging harder into you, as he holds your legs apart. “But a slut like you must enjoy that, right?” He looks at your lips pressed desperately together, taking it as an answer.

Jiseok moves onto slurping greedily at your slickness in a way that makes you believe a single drop doesn’t get wasted. His on going muffled moans shoot vibrations through your core only adding to the already existing moisture. You were not the only one aware of the lewd squelching noises in the room, because you could feel the growing boner poking at you from behind. It means you’re really as wet as you feel, and it means Jooyeon knows it too.

Your cheeks flush as the need for more gradually builds up in your lower tummy, making you muddle over the thought of cumming in front of them. If Jiseok doesn’t stop soon it will be impossible to keep hiding your emotions, and you’re not sure what would that mean for you. Is this really what Jooyeon wants?

“Shit, you sound so pretty down there, kitten,” Jooyeon’s warm alcoholic breath kissess your face, as you press your tilted head in the crook of his neck. “Getting wetter, huh?”

He makes sure to follow carefully every little flinch of your body; how your chest now falls quicker than it did minutes ago. How your legs occassionaly make his hands shake, forcing him to tighten the grip around them. He’s impressed you made it this far without moaning, but also flattered.

Your legs drop to the floor at the same exact moment Jiseok pulls back from your pussy for the first time since he went down on you. He allows you to take a good look of his glistening face, as the stripes of your bra slip from your shoulders. The lust in his eyes becomes so apparent as the lingerie exposes your chest, that all of your doubts and insecurities begin to fade away. The immediate thought that runs into your mind from gazing at his seducing plump lips makes your heart skip a beat. How have you not noticed his attractiveness till now? You watch him take his slender fingers to his mouth, gathering all of the wetness you coated him with only to suck it off with ease. The provocativeness in his act makes your adrenaline rush go higher, but the unexpected words after it even more.

“Sweet,” he humms in a dreamy voice. “Just how I expected you to be.”

You swallow shyly, as if you were sucking on the sticky mess along with him. As much as you want to, you can’t deny it - he turns you on.

You jerk up from your seat as Jooyeon’s own fingers brush through your exposed nipples, stealing your attention away from Jiseok, who on the other hand uses the opportunity to pull you down a little, so he could draw in your entire cunt into his face.

“Fuck her hole with tongue, she loves that shit.”

With your sensitive perked up nipples being pulled on, and Jiseok’s experienced tongue moving in and out of you, it’s no use to resist anymore. You squeeze your eyes and let it out as if Jiseok’s not there at all.

“Ahh, that’s it,” your boyfriend smirks approvingly over your soft cries, tightly holding you in his lap. “Don’t hold back, dirty girl, I wanna see how big of a whore you can get. Let it all out for me.”

When he catches your fingers tugging on the sheets from the overwhelming amount of tongue fucking, he leaves your breasts and forces your wrists behind your back.

Meanwhile, Jiseok suddenly moves his tongue between your lips, slowly sliding his way up to your clit. He sucks on the swollen bud relentlessly, as he fills up your needy hole with two fingers. You arch your spine, while every twist makes your legs shake every two seconds in the air. You don’t realise you’re about to close them around his head from the sensational feeling until he stops you with his free hand, as he begins to aim at your sweet spot with the other - knuckles deep inside you.

It feels so good you could feel the room spinning without lifting your eyelids.

“Fuck, gonna cum any second now…” Jooyeon grunts, but his words could be barely heard from your moaning, that only gets louder. “You’re so fuckin’ easy.” The knuckles of his hands are almost white from keeping your wrists tightly together while your body squirms out of control because of another guy. His vision turns hazy, an effect from the mixture of arousal and alcohol flowing in his veins while Jiseok savours every second of your orgasm.

After the fingers curled up between your walls slow down, your body loosens up like it’s made of jelly. You rest your head on Jooyeon’s thigh, feeling lightheaded and out of breath while his palm strokes your scalp gently like it’s praising you.

“Time to fill you up, doll.” He says, finding your mouth with his fingers. You stick out your tongue feeling their familiar warm texture, as you realise that for the first time tonight his voice sounds softer. The moment you’re about to wrap your lips around them though, he pulls away.

You shift on the bed, not sure what exactly to do, while both of them unbuckle their pants.

“You’re not allowed to look at her face from now on, got it?” Jooyeon warns Jiseok who only nods, but also very clearly tries to hold back a chuckle as well. “I’m serious.”

“Got it.” Jiseok replies more earnestly, stroking his erected cock at the sight of you waiting on all fours in the middle of his bed. The flushed look of your spread cunt dripping down your skin, and clenching from thin air makes him so impatient, but he has to wait for Jooyeon to do the first move, or he risks ruining his chance.

You suck your bottom lip, as you watch Jooyeon posing fully naked in front of you. He grabs a handful of your hair, forcing you to look up.

“If I catch you looking anywhere else I’ll get very mad, kitten.”

You’re only able to nod at his threat.

“I know you enjoy acting like a slut, but you should know who you belong to.”

“I’m yours, Jooyeon,” you murmur weakly, tracing his thigh with one hand. You see the corners of his lips slid up, and you repeat the same words again. Slower this time, letting the effect sink under his skin.

While you have this moment with him, you could feel Jiseok’s presence getting closer from behind, and it makes your skin burn with a new type of desire you haven’t experienced before. It makes your pussy tingle from excitement, as you’re aware this isn’t something you should be feeling. The second his palm touches your waist you shiver from eagerness to feel him entering inside. You still haven’t recovered from your first release, but you don’t care.

Your nails dig into your boyfriend’s flesh, as you expand to meet Jiseok’s cock. Everything happens so easily, so smoothly from the way you got slippery wet beforehand. The immediate pleasure that shoots through your body makes your jaw drop immensely, but Jooyeon makes sure to close it by grabbing your face roughly with his big hand. He squeezes harshly, and you couldn’t believe the amount of arousal this brought you.

“Enjoy this while it lasts, doll,” he stares down at you while soft mewls drip through your squished lips, as Jiseok glides in and out. “You get to whore out, because I let you to. Don’t fuckin’ forget that.” His erection twiches at your pretty sounds, leaking precum from the sweet pressure.

What you’re doing right now is scandalous, and you would’ve never thought that you would agree to something like it in your whole life, but seeing how turned on Jooyeon gets, makes you want to go all the way.

“O-oh my god,” you moan through hitched breaths from Jiseok’s hips now thrusting into a much quickening pace.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you, slut?” Jooyeon asks.

“Ngh-h, y-yes…” you admit, not able to look at him for too long from embarrassment.

“I knew it,” he grins, gazing at your pretty face with smeared makeup all over it. How it immediately blushes from his words. “I know you so well, my doll. Better than anyone.”

Your head drops down from neck pain when he lets go, leaving it to move back and forth from the pounding. You squel from swallowing Jiseok’s cock even deeper now, taking every new hit he sends to your g-spot. The skin around your waist burns from his fingertips gripping harder, as he aims for steady and more intense thrusts. Nasty cussing and deep moans keep flying from his mouth, blending with your own sounds, and you can’t help, but shut your eyes and hold on Jooyeon for support.

“Fuck, look at you already passing out,” he chuckles, removing your hands from himself.

You’re just about to adjust when an unexpected slap lands on your face and for a brief moment you lose all sorts of orientation. Your upper body sinks into the mattres meanwhile your toes curl at Jiseok’s continuous thrusting.

“Eyes up, slut.” Jooyeon demands, as he wraps a fist around his base, waiting for you to face him.

The only reason you’re able to keep yourself on your elbows is because your hole gets emptied, allowing you to catch your breath. You feel it twitching miserably from the sudden absence.

“Shit, she feels so good,” Jiseok traces a hand along your spine, before going back to your ass, giving it a loud smack. “I can do this all night,” he slaps harsher, earning a squeal from you.

You’re so tempted to turn around, but you shouldn’t.

While he plays with your cheeks Jooyeon gets closer, causing his flushed tip to brush at your drooling lips.

“Wider.” He grumbles at your pathetic attempt to open your mouth. It already hurts enough from moaning so much.

His head falls back, as you take more and more, freeing him of some of the tension. Your tongue doesn’t stop pleasing his thickness, as you move further, winning yourself a few praises by managing to take all of his length.

“Good job, sweetheart, take all of it for me..” he groans, not able to hold back from bucking his hips up anymore. He wants to feel as much as possible of your warm throat.

You concentrate on moving your mouth around him, keeping his pace, but Jiseok becomes a distraction. You sense his fingers moving to your folds, teasing, before gathering some of the fluids. He catches you off guard, when you realise he uses them as lube to massage your tiny asshole while you blow your boyfriend. Your stomach twirls from the new burst of arousal. Jooyeon has never done this to you.

When Jiseok catches you whining softly, he decides to add a little more pressure, keeping the circles on the sensitive spot going.

The overstimulating feeling makes you slow down your sucking, and you end up with only your boyfriend’s leaking head inside your mouth. The circles are getting addictive, and not enough at the same time.

Once Jooyeon catches that he gives your cheek another slap, that stings for a little longer this time.

“You’re slacking,” he complains, and you instantly swallow him whole again.

“Have you ever fucked her ass?” Jiseok asks, sliding a small portion of his index finger, already aware of what the answer is going to be.

As you help yourself with your fist, you accidentally grip the exposed base of Jooyeon’s cock a bit harsher than you’re supposed to when you feel the finger twist around, streching you, and caressing your nerves.

Jooyeon hisses from the pain, but a part of him certainly got turned on.

“No,” he admits dryly.

“I think she’d like it.” Jiseok plays with the tight hole that squeezes half of his finger so nicely, that it leads to him automatically fantasising another threesome in the future. With you being filled up both ways.

Jooyeon chuckles when you spit him out to free a drawed out whimper.

“We’ll try it out, right baby? Just the two of us.” He asks, shifting up to fill your drooling mouth again. “You’re a good little slut who loves getting filled up after all.”

Jiseok removes his finger slowly, watching how the hole clenches desperately afterwards. Lucent mess drips between your cheeks only increasing his cravings. He couldn’t help, but wonder what other things you’re probably missing out on in bed, as his hand crawls up your back again.

You wrap your lips around Jooyeon’s red leaking tip, sucking just how he likes it, while your skin shivers from the warm wandering palm. The sheets under you soak with spit, as you go further, speeding up the pace to get him to finish. When you welcome the head back into your throat, you hold for a moment, preparing to spit it out in the next few second for a quick break. However, just when you try to pull away, Jiseok’s hand appears around your neck, pushing you all the way back down.

“Need a hand?” He asks in your ear, as he keeps your head down with Jooyeon’s emphasised tip stabbing your throat.

Your forehead sinks into Jooyeon’s lower abdomen, as you get teary eyed, dripping on his skin. You grabble onto him for support when the strong grip begins to move you up and down his hard length.

“F-fuck, love that dirty mouth so much..” Your boyfriend sighs, as you make his balls harder by coating him with saliva, gags and pleading noises. He rests back on his hands, watching like hypnotised the way his friend takes full control over your mouth.

With his other hand Jiseok takes your tangled hair up in order for Jooyeon to enjoy the sight of the visible lump in your throat, swelling from his pulsing cock. Seconds later that feel more like hours he drags you up, letting you cough your lungs out, before forcing you down again, causing Jooyeon to almost break down from pleasure.

You can swear you hear them exchange words, but you have no idea what they are, cause the only thing on your mind is how badly you need to breathe. Both of them throb from arousal, as they continue to bully your inflamed throat with never ending pushes. And despite the painful suffocation they bring you, you enjoy every moment of it.

Without a warning, Jiseok shoves his soaked cock back inside you, taking a pathetically sounding scream from your stuffed mouth. After he leaves your neck alone, you feel a shooting pain flying through your body, and all of it comes from him forcing his dick mercilessly in and out of you. You lose control and choke, turning Jooyeon’s low moans into rising wails.

“F-fuck, fuck, just like that..” your boyfriend whines, pressing your resisting head down his stimulated erection. “Take it like a true slut, baby.”

The lewd noises echo through the walls, clashing with the strong skin on skin slapping, that’s like music to Jooyeon’s ears. All sounds coming from the party outside the door are blocked out from his mind, leaving room only for what slips out of your mouth and drenched stretched out pussy. They pull his peak closer and closer, until it shatters.

You don’t know how or when, but Jooyeon’s cock is out of your mouth, and instead it’s spraying your whole face with ropes of hot cum. You gasp for air while also fight the urge to cry, as keeping yourself steady for him becomes torture with Jiseok chasing his own orgasm from behind. The thick seed sticks all over your skin, dripping down your neck and lips. Your jaw is stiff, your throat burns, your cheeks are puffy from tears, but Jooyeon is moaning from pure bliss, and that’s all you comprehend. Everything before that is a blur.

“F-fuck… so damn tight..” Jiseok groans behind your shoulder, leaving scarlet patches on your hips. He slams into you like he doesn’t care if it wrecks your insides or not, causing the sweet burning pain to tighten the overwhelming knot in your tummy.

You look up at the ceiling when your throat gets grabbed on from behind.

“God, the things I’d do to you if it was just the two of us..” He whispers in your ear. You can feel the mischievous smirk he speaks through, it leaves the same effect that a single lick from his tongue would’ve left you. “Hope you think of me next time he fucks you, sweetie.” He coos in quietly in your ear. “Bet he doesn’t eat pussy like I do, hm?”

You’re too perplexed from his bold words to do anything except listen and hope the way they make you feel doesn’t show through your face.

“I can eat ass even better than that.”

“P-please…” you could only sob in response. Your arched spine stiffens with pain, meanwhile you feel the burning sensation clearly as ever. “Please, let m-me cum, please..”

“Look at your whore begging me so nicely..” Jiseok scoffs, glancing at his friend who’s watching with his head tilted against the wall. But when your gummy walls grip his cock harder, the mocking sound turns into a deep moan.

Jooyeon shuffles in his place, peeling off his back from the wall. He takes a better look of his cum sliding down your delicious neckline, as he reaches between your legs.

“Should we let her?” Jiseok asks before scrunching his lips. His thrusts become slower and sloppier, but they don’t loose any of their strength.

Your boyfriend grins at your pleading eyes, that could barely stay open, as he stimulates your clit in addition to Jiseok’s tip hitting rough at your cervix. He nods at his friend and makes his slim fingers move quicker.

“You can cum now, doll.” He tells you, not able to look away from your dirty face. He sighs, feeling his weak cock trying to get hard again. It was expected, you look so hot covered in a total mess, while getting fucked in front of his eyes. Jiseok is going to think of this every time he looks at you from now on, and that excited him even more.

“Kiss me, please…” You beg, making Jooyeon lean in and slide his tongue into your dry mouth without hesitation.

His quick fingers work your clit, forcing your orgasm to come as soon as possible. His tongue plays with yours through erotic deep kisses that steal the few breaths you got left from Jiseok’s hands squeezing your throat.

When you crumble from the intense heat that quickly follows from the knot finally snapping, Jooyeon’s mouth swallows your mix of moans and whines. They make his skin run hot, and his blood boil in a way that could not compare to any alcoholic drink he’s ever had.

After you turn around to face Jiseok you can feel his words from earlier still lingering somewhere inside your mind. From his fixated gaze you get the feeling it’s the same for him too. His abs clench vividly, and when you go lower you see the view of his thick cock which shape you got so familiar with, filling his fist.

You surprise yourself when without even giving it a second thought, you lean down, allowing him to release on your face.

“You’re so nasty, sweetie..” He tilts your chin up. “Letting me cum over your boyfriend’s mess on that pretty face,” he speaks excited, while you look at him back through your tired hazy eyes. “I was gonna paint your sexy ass, but I like this idea too.”

Seconds later, Jooyeon watches his friend’s fluids landing on top of your face; some of it getting caught in your hair. They mix with his own turning your lovely features into a sinful mess he wants to capture forever. Without saying a word he jumps from the bed leaving you and Jiseok staring at each other with both your chests falling up and down in sync.

As you stay still, feeling all of the cum sinking under your skin, you follow your boyfriend’s figure. He returns with a playful smile and his phone pointing right at your face. You blink at him stunned.

Jiseok immediately claps approvingly, it’s like Jooyeon reads his mind sometimes. He was just thinking the same thing.

As many people have told them before, they’re the same person just split into two different bodies.

“Smile, gorgeous,” your boyfriend says with a cheeky grin, and you obey.

As you always do.

! please do not repost, copy or translate my works

! please keep in mind that english is not my first language. i apologise in advance for any mistakes i’ve might missed

[meanbossart]

Misc. Ask compilation

These aren't all of the asks I want to reply to, just some that I can answer relatively quickly to clean the ol' inbox out before things get out of hand. Thanks for your patience!

HAHAHA THANK YOU FOR PERUSING AROUND and for enjoying my work! I had a... Weird Gale experience my first playthrough which led to his characterization being what it is in my comics. Here's the beat-by-beat of all the shenanigans: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/740827466716807168/alright-i-am-like-90-sure-there-is-one-line-in-a

And here's just some of my personal thoughts on him! https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/736193145686114305/can-you-tell-me-more-about-how-you-would-make-gale

I would be lying if I said I'm not conflicted to know my style still bears some remnants of my edgy teen roots (not your fault not noticing it though, you aren't the first and won't be the last) BUT... That comic did mean a lot to me as a youth, so I guess I should be proud 🤷 and honestly it is a little cool that such a thing would survive for so long in what I do, crazy how that works.

LMAO, re: the bottom/top debacle, I was honestly so surprised to see people react to it like it's something novel. If I ever expected to get any push back on the matter, I thought it would be from people assuming DU drow was the top and taking issue with how violent and big he is (and yknow, some people are weirdly protective of Astarion as if he isn't a sneaky murder machine rippling with lean muscle)

Very disheartening to see that mindset still so alive and well among young people, but I guess it just means I gotta draw DU drow throwing more back and Astarion drooling over more ass until the stereotype is forcefully banished out of people's minds!

(more asks below the cut)

"Sleeper agent activation phrase" absolutely took me out, Thank you so much LOL

YEAH I got it pretty late though, Astarion had already told my durge that he was a vampire of his own accord (and the response was, of course, "no duh") I forgot wheter this happened before or after the first romance scene triggered, but I think after.

Since this was after DU drow decided he was gonna fuck him out of pure contrarian spite and was shamelessly laying it extremely thick, He happilly let Astarion drink his blood. Hell, he was probably a little Too Eager - the guy likes pain and he likes letting people he trusts do with his body whatever they will, and while he didn't yet trust Astarion at that point, that event might've very well reminded him of something from his past that planted a seed which would eventually grow into his genuine affection for the guy.

Ah, he definitely got a half-chub as it happened too. I'm sure Astarion noticed it and just walked off rolling his eyes and thinking "eugh of course" lmao.

Hello!!!

Oh man, I grew up fascinated with horror things. I remember from a very young age just looking at the covers and backs of horror movies at the film-rental even though I wasn't allowed to watch them. I was also easily scared but I sought those things out anyway - I think i just enjoyed the visceral reactions it drew out of me and was always curious about most things taboo.

When I got access to the internet that just opened a (very unfortunate) door to all things vile and awful like it did for so many people at that age in time. Though my tastes have changed a lot since then (Less August Underground, more The Devils kind of guy nowadays) my stories and art are just always going to fall into a horror-y category because I just... Don't think there's many better ways to showcase the human experience and emotional range without many of the elements native to the genre, and I'm all about that.

Thank you for your question and your sweet words, have a good week yourself!

I did a little write-up about that over here! https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/742508493562593280/i-dont-have-a-particular-question-in-mind-sorry

That's the result of a scene that happens relatively early in the story I'm writing ("A Novel Experience" on Ao3).

{SPOILERS} DU drow accidentally passes out on a blade which puts a relatively deep gash on his hip. Meanwhile, Astarion is weakened and starved after certain events that transpired the prior night. They have a private exchange both in a somewhat hazy-state of mind and Astarion ends up prodding and prying at his wound while feeding, so it's a laceration and bite mark that just scarred over badly.

Elves apparently don't grow body hair so never LOL guess they'll just have to slip&slide up on each other for heat

[hongcherry]

hi there bambi!! i just read "your light || jjk" and was wondering if u could maybe do a part 2 pls, if u dont mind? i liked it a lot and i would really like to see how they would end up together/the confession etc,,, i'm craving for some angsty to fluff fic, but it can be anything you want to write ofc ~~ no pressure pls ^_^ take care!

Your Light pt. 2 || jjk

💡 Pairing: roommate!Jungkook x roommate!Reader (f)

💡 Rating/Genres/AUs: PG 15; Fluff, angst; Roommate au, Your Light couple

💡 Warnings: Nothing really (but plz lmk otherwise!)

💡 Word Count: 1.9k

💡 Author’s Note: Goodness, this took me a lot longer to get to D: Truthfully, I've just been having a hard time writing, but I felt so bad when I realized how long this has been sitting in my ask box. I hope you all enjoy 😥💙 Also, I'm glad you liked the first part, anon ^-^

Part 1

bts masterlist | main masterlist

“Put your fingers here,” Jungkook instructs, positioning one of his friend’s hands on the keyboard in a specific way. “Your other hand goes on the mouse.”

“Okay, now what?” his friend questions as they glance back and forth at their hands.

“Join a game.”

Their eyes roam the screen.

“Where’s that button?”

Jungkook chuckles before he nudges their hand off of the mouse and does it himself. The screen changes, and they wait as they are sorted into teams.

You watch the interaction from Jungkook’s doorway.

There’s an odd twist in your chest seeing Jungkook so close to them.

His hand rests on the back of the chair his friend is in, and the other rests on top of his gaming desk. He’s never offered to teach you how to play one of his silly games. Though, you guess that’s because you’re normally scolding him for playing, not asking to play with him.

Jungkook must sense your presence because he suddenly turns his head.

“Yn?” he questions, confused.

“Oh! Uh,” you stutter. You completely forgot what you were going to ask him.

“Did you need something?” he prompts when you don’t say anything else.

“Yes, but I for—”

“Jungkook, I’m about to die!” his friend interrupts. “What should I do?!”

Jungkook’s attention redirects to the monitor. He points to somewhere on the screen.

“Go here, and use that to heal yourself.”

You stand idly as you continue to watch, waiting to see if he’ll turn to you again, but it’s obvious he’s too occupied. Plus, you still can’t remember what you were going to ask so there’s no point in waiting.

You silently move away from his door and go back to your room.

You’re not sure why you’re feeling… whatever you’re feeling right now. It’s not happiness or sadness. It’s not anger or annoyance. It feels almost numbing. Like there’s so much going on in your head, but nothing at the same time that it cancels each other out. It’s unexplainable.

Needing something to occupy yourself with, you decide to reorganize your sock drawer. It doesn’t require color-sorting, but you can’t think of anything else. The act, albeit giving your hands something to do, doesn’t distract your mind enough.

You can hear Jungkook and his friend laughing next door. It’s the only noise you can focus on as you accidentally put a pair of black socks with your purple ones.

Their laughter sounds so happy. You wonder if you ever made Jungkook laugh like that. Has he ever been that happy with you? Probably not considering you were always nagging him about his late-night gaming.

Truthfully, it hasn’t been too bad since the power outage. There are a few nights where you genuinely are annoyed, but overall, it hasn’t been bothersome. Perhaps you just need an excuse to talk to him.

Three sudden raps on your open door have you jumping.

Jungkook stands with his hands in his pockets. He greets you with a small smile that you reciprocate involuntarily.

“Sorry about earlier. What did you need?” he asks.

“I don’t remember,” you reply.

Jungkook chuckles and glances down at what you’re doing. He leans down and plucks out the pair of black socks from the purples.

You mumble a “thanks” when he tosses it in the black pile.

“Alright,” he says while standing up fully. “We’re going to go grab a quick bite to eat. You wanna come?”

The emptiness in your stomach tells you that you should say yes; however, you don’t want to feel like a third wheel, so you shake your head.

Jungkook lingers in your doorway, seemingly debating on if he should ask if you’re sure, but he ends up nodding instead.

“If you say so,” he answers. “I’ll be back in a bit then.”

“Okay,” you answer and turn back to your task at hand. You haven’t made much progress, but you don’t want to have a stare-off with him.

You don’t hear him move at first. As you’re about to turn around, his friend’s voice cuts through the silence.

“I’m ready,” they say.

“Let’s go,” Jungkook replies before there are two sets of footsteps growing faint as they move away.

Once the sound of the front door closes, your shoulders sag.

It’s been nearly two months since that night the power went off.

Two months since Jungkook found out about your fear of the dark. Two months of Jungkook being less annoying. Two months of this odd feeling growing inside your chest.

You’ve noticed small habits of his that you’ve never caught onto before. It’s not that you’re seeing him differently, but you’re seeing him more. You’re discovering more layers to Jungkook, and these aforementioned layers haven’t been bad. In fact, it makes you feel closer to him.

Though not only are you uncovering more about Jungkook, you’re forming feelings you’ve never had before. For one, you get a sour taste in your mouth seeing him be too friendly with others, which was not something you felt two months before.

Once you finally finish reorganizing your socks, you shuffle to the living room and lay a blanket over your lap. Hopefully, a movie will capture your focus more than your socks.

Hours pass as you cuddle a pillow on the couch, mindlessly watching the first movie your hand had touched. It was a simple way to pass the time as it was too early to sleep, but you didn’t know what else to do.

Jungkook’s been out longer than you anticipated.

Not that you cared.

You told yourself you’d just feel more comfortable knowing he was home before you went to bed. Nothing like waking up to the sound of the door opening and not knowing if it was a robber or your roommate.

With a heavy sigh, you begin to stand to retrieve a glass of water. You’re four steps away from the couch when the lights flicker.

Once.

Twice.

Then you’re submerged in complete darkness.

Your chest tightens, and your breathing halts abruptly. Several seconds pass while you stand still. Soon, your mind begins to conjure images of supernatural creatures emerging from the darkness.

You hastily, and clumsily, make your way to your bedroom. You locate the chipmunk nightlight quickly and flip the ON switch with shaky hands.

The small room lights up, changing colors smoothly. You focus on each color as you steady your crazy heartbeat.

You don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve been sitting in the dark. It feels like hours, but it could’ve just been twenty minutes.

The sound of the door opening jolts you from your trance.

“Yn?!” Jungkook calls out, worried.

Your body instantly relaxes at his voice.

“I-in here,” you reply.

There’s hurried shuffling and a few curses accompanied by a few thuds before you see his silhouette at your door.

“How long have the lights been out? Are you okay?” he questions and walks to your bed. He sits down near you, placing a hand on your back and rubbing soothingly.

“I’m not sure,” you sigh.

“You should have called me,” he says.

At that, you realize you left your phone in the living room. Then you remember how he’s been gone for hours. Something in you turns bitter, and the power outage doesn’t feel like the main problem anymore.

“Shouldn’t you be with your friend?” you huff.

Jungkook stares at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. His movements on your back pause.

“Even scared, you always have to sass me, huh?”

“I’m not sassing, I’m just saying,” you argue.

“Just saying,” he repeats slowly.

Suddenly, his hand is on your waist and pulling you closer. Your eyes widen, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away.

“I wanted you to come with us, you know,” he says.

“Where?” you reply, mind fuzzy with how close he is.

Jungkook chuckles. “To get food.”

“Oh,” you mumble. “I wasn’t hungry.”

“Hm. Well, I brought some home in case you got hungry. You hungry now?”

You debate on answering truthfully, but it seems your hesitation gives away your answer.

Jungkook pulls away from you and stands up. You inch closer automatically.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t plan to leave you,” Jungkook reassures as he offers a hand. You take it quickly, letting him pull you off the mattress.

You grab the night light and clutch it in one of your arms.

Jungkook gently grabs your other arm, fingers trailing down until they fit in your gasp. He guides you to the kitchen and retrieves the food.

You eat in silence, eyes dancing from Jungkook—who’s watching you—and to the food in front of you.

The silence is unsettling.

Usually, you could eat like this with Jungkook, but now the quietness forces you to hear your racing heart.

“Will you let me take you out to dinner one day?” Jungkook asks suddenly, causing you to choke on your food ungracefully.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” he says quickly and rounds the table to pat your back.

You shoo him away, grabbing your drink and taking a long sip.

Once you’re composed, you turn to him. “What did you say?”

You’re sure he knows you heard him, but you’re so stunned that you need to hear it again.

He smiles sheepishly. “Dinner? You and me.”

“L-like a d-date?” you stutter.

He nods, “Maybe…this Friday?”

Today was Wednesday. You barely had time to prepare—mentally and physically.

At seeing your shocked expression, he says, “Okay, maybe not this Friday. How about Saturday?”

“That’s not much better!” you whine. “Why the rush?!”

Jungkook laughs and glances down for a moment.

“Because I’ve liked you for a while. I’m tired of waiting,” he shrugs as if he’s not nervous, but even in the barely lit room, you can see he is.

Jungkook? Nervous?

“This isn’t a prank or something, right?” you ask. You recall his annoying gaming buddies from before and wonder if they’re behind this.

He frowns, shaking his head. “Of course not.”

Jungkook grabs your hands and lowers himself so you can see him better.

“I like you… You and your grandma ways,” he smiles teasingly.

“Shut up, Jeon,” you huff.

When you try to retract your hands, he simply holds on tighter.

“So,” he begins, “Saturday?”

“What if I don’t like you like that?”

Jungkook tries to hide his smirk. “Oh? So, you acting all jealous and clingy has nothing to do with you liking me?”

“I am not clingy!” you scoff.

“But you are jealous.”

“Shut up,” you whine again.

“I know the perfect way you can shut me up,” he hums and leans closer.

“Yeah, right,” you argue.

Jungkook doesn’t reply. He simply leans in more until his lips are on yours. There’s an oddly comforting tightening in your chest the moment his mouth touches yours.

And as if his kiss was the answer to all your problems, the lights begin to flicker on.

Jungkook pulls away slowly and glances around the apartment.

“See? True love’s kiss fixes everything,” he grins.

You ignore the pounding of your heart at the idea of Jungkook loving you.

“It’s just a coincidence.”

“That’s not a very romantic outlook,” Jungkook huffs.

“I didn’t know you were the romantic type,” you confess softly.

Jungkook smiles and tilts his head. “You’ll find out.”

“On Saturday?” you lightly tease.

His smile widens, and he pecks your lips.

“At seven,” he adds.

“At seven,” you echo with a smile of your own, excited for this weekend.

A/N: To those who were awaiting this, thank you so much for your patience!!!!! 💜

For my “shy/silent” readers, I’ve created a feedback form where you can share your thoughts on my fics in a more anonymous and private way. ^-^

©️hongcherry // DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY Please consider reblogging if you liked this work to show your support. Feedback/commentary is always welcomed.

[gamerwoo]

hansol/mingyu: the lovers playlist

characters: mingyu x female reader (mentions of hansol x female reader)

genre/warnings: idol au, friends to maybe lovers, all 100% fluff

word count: 1,227

summary: and all i need is to be struck by your electric love

a/n: things in bold italics are song lyrics

previous song | next song | back to playlist

Despite the way you ended up in Mingyu’s room the first time, it was one of your favorite places to hang out. There was always something cozy to you about moments like that when you looked back on them. Like laying in bed when you’re sick and watching comfort videos on Youtube, or wrapping yourself in layers of blankets when you’re sad. In the moment, it’s always awful, but looking back on it, it feels slightly warm.

Or maybe you’re just a fucked up masochist.

Either way, you always found Mingyu’s room cozy. You weren’t sure if he kept it clean because he knew you came around to hang out, or because he was actually a tidy person. His room always smelled like his favorite cologne, his bedding was always pristine white, and he always like to light candles around the room for a warm glow instead of using lights.

Just like the first time you were in there, except then, there were a few articles of clothing scattered around his floor.

But also like the first time -- and every other time -- he liked to play music. If you weren’t watching something, he’d turn his speaker on and softly play something from his phone. Like what he was doing currently while the two of you just talked. It was one of those times where you got oddly deep, with both of you talking about fears, dreams, and the future.

Candy, she’s sweet like candy in my veins.

Mingyu wasn’t even really registering the music. It wasn’t until you started softly humming along while the two of you sat in a comfortable silence that he even remembered there was music playing. He realized the song sounded familiar, and he was pretty sure it was from a handful on videos he saw on tiktok. That’s probably where he got it from.

Both of you were laying on his bed, looking up at the ceiling but occasionally turning your heads to look at each other. You were looking between all the sticky glow-in-the-dark stars the two of you had stuck up there while you were bored one night and said Mingyu wanted to look at the stars but you couldn’t see them because of all the lights outside. You informed him of the stars and the two of you immediately went out to find them.

“Y’know,” you spoke up again, “I was thinking about this the other night... I think I’m finally over it.”

Mingyu’s eyebrows raised as he turned his head to look at you, “Like, over Hansol?”

You nodded before you met his eyes, “I just...don’t care now, I guess. I don’t remember how we started talking about it but Jieun mentioned I haven’t talked about Hansol at all lately and it was like I forgot that I was even upset over that whole thing. I was kinda like, ‘oh yeah, that’, y’know?”

“That’s really good,” he smiled at you warmly. “I’m happy for you,”

“Yeah,” you smiled back as you both went back to looking at the ceiling.

After another moment of soft silence, Mingyu asked, “How do you feel knowing that you’re not hurt by it anymore?”

“Free in a way,” you chuckled. “Sounds cheesy, but I feel like it’s not constantly in the back of my mind. It makes me happy. It’s like when you’re really stressed about something like homework due the next day that you didn’t do, or something about finances. And then once you figure it out or it’s all over, you feel a weight off your shoulders. Kinda like that.”

He hummed in response.

Genuinely, Mingyu was happy for you. All he wanted was for you to be happy again, and he was glad he could be there for you while you healed. He hoped he had helped at least a little bit, too.

But there was a selfish part of Mingyu that also told him that this was finally his chance. This was when he could tell you. This was finally it.

No, he told himself, you still need to give her time. She just confided this in you. Don’t ruin it. Don’t rush it. Let her be.

“Not to sound cheesy,” you chuckled a little awkwardly, “but I should probably thank you.”

Mingyu snorted but had a warm smile on his face as he looked at you, “For what?”

“You basically are the only reason I got over it and, like, properly healed,” you told him, turning your head to look at him again. He was laying the other way, his head still by yours but his legs dangled off the opposite side of the bed from yours. He looked like he was upside down which made his smile look a little goofy, and it made you giggle. “If I wanted to vent, you’d let me. If I needed a distraction after schedules, you were there when you could be. You just made me feel...better. So...yeah, thanks. And thanks for not letting me be an asshole and push you away the first time.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that, _____,” he chuckled. “That’s all basically the bare minimum.”

“But you didn’t have to. You’re Hansol’s friend first -- you’re basically brothers. You could’ve just ignored the whole situation and taken his side.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like you did anything wrong. You just really liked him. And we’re friends, too. You were always so sweet and you were funny and fun to hang out with. I can be friends with both of you.”

“Well I’m glad you think that way,” you offered a small smile. “To be honest, I haven’t felt this, like...happy and relaxed in a long time. So...thanks for being my friend.”

“I told you to not thank me,” he laughed softly.

“I don’t know what else to say,” you laughed, too.

And then it was silent as you both just looked at each other, hints of smile and laughter still on your faces as the music filled the void of the two of you not speaking. Neither of you really knew what to say but it was a situation where, for some reason, you couldn’t look away.

Baby, you’re like lightning in a bottle.

Mingyu wasn’t sure if it was just him, but he felt tension. He’d never felt this tension with you. Your silences were always comfortable, not that this wasn’t, but it was...something.

But you definitely felt it, too.

I can’t let you go now that I’ve got it.

Carefulness be damned. As Mingyu stared at you, his overwhelming urge to just tell you everything about how he felt was rapidly building until he felt like he was going to burst. He wouldn’t risk the confusion like Hansol did. He wouldn’t miss his opportunity like Hansol did.

He wouldn’t let you go like Hansol did.

And all I need is to be struck...

He was moving his head toward you, and you weren’t moving away. His eyes glanced down at your lips, and you found yours doing the same.

By your electric love.

Your lips met softly; sweetly. After a few seconds, Mingyu’s hand moved to your face, his warm palm cupping your cheek.

His heart felt like it was going to explode, a smile growing on his lips that you felt, giggling into the kiss.

Baby, your electric love.

── « ⋅ʚ ♫ ɞ⋅ » ───

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[evermourning]

𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 - seo changbin

pairing: seo changbin x reader (bewitched series pt. 7)

genre: angst, hurt/no comfort, non!idol au, unrequited love

wc: 1.2k

warnings: yn is toxic as hell. don't be like them, language, changbin's pov, yunho from ateez is mentioned, mentions of cheating, you are definitely gonna hate me for this

a/n: i think i projected a lil

changbin remembered the day he fell for you like it was literally yesterday.

it was the first day of spring that didn't feel as if it was still freezing cold. the first leaves were starting to appear, beautiful yet minuscule bursts of green upon barren branches.

he'd slipped into the nearest café, hoping for a warm drink, when he saw you sitting at a table in the back, tapping away on your laptop. just looking at you had changbin's cheeks growing rosy. he knew he had to shoot his shot.

"i'm sorry - i don't mean to intrude, but i think you're absolutely stunning." changbin said, a bit flustered. you had looked up from your laptop, smiling.

"that made my day...thank you." you smiled, your eyes piercing his. his heart swooned.

"do you think i could...you know...take you out on a date sometime?" he asked suddenly, playing with his thumbs a bit anxiously.

"oh, sure! i'd love that." you'd replied, shaking his hand. "i'm yn. you?"

"changbin. seo changbin. and don't you forget it."

spring and summer were an absolute euphoric time period for him. the first date had gone amazing, and so had the next, and the next after that. you were so interesting and funny. every single time changbin saw your face, it was like the butterflies in his stomach began to migrate, blood rushing to his cheeks. as his love grew, so did his attachment to you. he sent you texts every single day, gave you his all.

but just as everything else is, seasons are not permanent. the leaves fell from the trees, laying wasted on the ground as the earth returned to its hibernating state. changbin was embarrassed. he felt so stupid. was he always this oblivious? the signs were so obvious, why couldn't he see them? regret flooded through him like it was those feelings of overwhelming love he used to feel so strongly.

it'd been a rainy thursday morning. changbin had plans with you, you were just going to come over and spend the day with him. when you arrived, the two of you had a lovely brunch together before cuddling up to watch a movie. you'd dozed off, head resting comfortably upon his broad shoulder. the movie had reached a bit of a low point, so changbin was scrolling through his phone, when he received a notification from chan.

chan, 1:02pm: hey, can we talk? i need to talk to you about something really important, so just brace yourself.

changbin, 1:02 pm: okay...is everything alright?

the three dots on the bottom left of changbin's scream were there, floating up and down for an uncomfortable amount of time. when chan stopped typing before continuing, changbin's heart nearly stopped. when chan finally sent a very long paragraph, along with photos, changbin wanted to genuinely die.

chan, 1:08pm: so i know that you've been dating yn since like april, right? i was working my shift at the coffee shop and i take my weekend shifts with this yunho kid, he's a great guy and all, i've mentioned him to you a few times. he was talking about how blessed he was to have such a loving and caring partner and he referred to them as yn? i was like "oh cool they have the same name as binnie's partner!"...and then he showed me a picture of the two of them

chan: 1:09pm: it was your yn...i'm so sorry :(

attached to the text were pictures of you and yunho, happily in love. like a sharpened dagger slicing every single one of changbin's arteries.

"hm? bin, who are you texting?" you mumbled sleepily, yawning, changbin could only look at you with horror and disbelief. "is everything okay?"

he nodded, still feeling numb.

"i uh, forgot i had somewhere to be soon, it's kinda sudden and everything, sorry..."

you smiled at him gently, before kissing his cheek and leaving with a soft "i love you, see you around." how many times had you done that, murmured sweet nothings and whatnot to him when you were in reality, very in love with someone else? when you'd walk faster than changbin, as if you were escaping him, were you actually trying to run to yunho? when you were kissing changbin, supposedly filled with total adoration, did you really desire to be kissing his replacement instead?

he'd loved you so much, he settled for less. there were so many other people better suited for him, but he only wanted you. even though you were quite horrid in terms of commitment, the memories you two had made were real to him.

and so, seo changbin's eternal winter began, a freezing cold time of utter grief and disarray.

now, as snow fell in blankets outside of his apartment, changbin laid in his bed, staring at the white, relatively boring ceiling. nothing could get him to fall asleep. sometimes, he'd close his eyes and your memory absolutely haunted him. he'd broken up with you, but that didn't mean his feelings were over. sometimes, he saw you around town with yunho. he wanted to cry.

he knew that when he loved, he put his all into the relationship and was completely vulnerable. changbin loved, yes, but he loved way too much. he desperately journeyed across and around the earth again and again, searching hopelessly for that special soul who's fate was intertwined with his, and he got hurt each and every time. it was a tough thing to bear, but even harder to confess.

strangely, there was really nothing to miss about your relationship. sure, it'd had its moments, but at the end of the day it really was some unfathomably textbook relationship. and if he had to be honest? his life had improved so much since he last spoke to you, focusing on work and friends and family, but if everything was better in some fucked up way of thinking, why was he laying awake, shattered from the thought of you?

if you came to his house in the pouring rain, saying you were single, would he stand a chance? would you want him back?

no.

you were not the victim here. changbin was warned by all his friends and even his older sister that dating you was a bad idea. that his love life would end in tragedy. that he was way too attached to someone not reacting the same. but he didn't listen, he never did. not when it came to you. maybe if he saw you again, older and wiser, more mature, in love with someone who'd actually treat him right, maybe he'd lend an ear to their pleas.

but for now, he was clinging frantically onto this mess of an old relationship he'd had with you. he was fighting for his life, kicking and screaming as they dragged him away. you were his everything, but you'd decided not to put him at the top of your list.

he was just second best, again.

@evermourning, ©2023. all rights reserved.

[ppjeterka]

get to know me tag! i can’t remember the last time i did one of these, it was probably like 3 tumblr accounts and a decade ago lol. thank you @edwinamistressofthecart for the tag!!

do you make your bed? no but next question let’s not talk about it

what's your job? just finished undergrad and am on the full-time job hunt for the first time what if i died

if you could go back to school, would you? at this stage in my life the only way you are forcing me back into full-time studenthood is if you’re keeping me at gunpoint the whole time. But grad school is still definitely something i’m planning on doing in the future so eventually (or not so eventually) yes 😞

can you parallel park? yes!! but don’t ask me to do it on a one lane road with cars behind me i swear to god i’ll crash the car and kill us both

do you think aliens are real? very much so yes! something something fermi paradox something something it’s a special brand of human narcissism to believe we are alone in the universe

can you drive a manual car? nope

guilty pleasure? hrpf but I'm losing my shame about it LMAO (tennis rpf now too...)

tattoos? just the one for now! got it just before i turned 19 on a trip I took with my friend to san francisco. We both opted for ribcage tattoos because we had to hide them from our parents 😭

favorite color? evergreen green

favorite type of music? I'm so musically illiterate it pains me haha but I don't have loyalty to any particular genre/sound! While my knowledge is shallow I'd say my taste is wide. One thing I can say is that I was listening to chappell roan a couple of months before she really took off. So there. I'm also a huge rina sawayama fan!

(I am begging people to recommend me music)

do you like puzzles? only if i’m doing them with someone else who isn’t competitive about it

any phobias? nothing too crazy, not the best with heights, but only in situations where it's actually feasible I might fall

favorite childhood sport?

This genuinely feels like a lifetime ago but I was actually pretty good at horseback riding when I was younger (haven't been on a horse in a hot minute though). I also liked soccer but I was dogshit at it

do you talk to yourself? yeap

tea or coffee? Tea!! I also told myself in high school that I would save my coffee drinking for college so that any given cup would theoretically be more potent because I wouldn’t have had any caffeine immunity built up by then. then I went to college and promptly forgot to drink any coffee. So, tea. (I conveniently forgot that many types of tea also have caffeine, but alas)

first thing you wanted to be be when growing up? veterinarian

what movies do you adore? My mom and I have watched The Man From UNCLE maybe nine times? I also had a one month phase when I was ten where I was obsessed with Hairspray and watched it seven times, which is embarrassing but I feel some obligation to mention it here. Besides that, I adore Kung Fu Hustle, EEAAO, and I am on record saying that Challengers was my favorite movie going experience ever (admittedly, I don’t go to the cinema very often)

I don’t know people on hockey tumblr enough to be tagging them out of the blue 😭 but to anyone that wants to do this tag, take this as me tagging you!

[linkspooky]

Hmm. Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

I sadly didn’t grow up with cable, so I’ve never watched it. But I do remember watching one episode at one of my friends’ house as a kid.

I forgot what it’s called, but it was were everybody in town became silent due to these two creepy looking guys. I especially remember that one funny scene with the presentation, but also how creepy and scary it was with the creepy men.

But yeah. I suppose I’m asking is… if the show is worth a watch, and if you have any episodes you personally love?

has Buffy the Vampire Slayer is actually one of my top two forever fandoms, that is fandoms that not only I will be forever invested in and rewatch on regular basises, but also fandoms that have had the most impact in not only the stories I read nowadays, but also the stories I want to write.

Not only is the show worth a watch, I think it's an example of the strength of long-form storytelling, and how even a very schlocky show about vampires can be about very powerful themes.

Also, if you like redemption arcs, and are disappointed in MHA because of the slow progress of the redemption arcs, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is all about redemption arcs and has some of the most well-written and touching ones in all of fictions. Also it pretty much invented enemies to lovers, and I mean actual enemies to lovers, not like "they sort of dislike each other."

So, without any further ado my top five episodes.

5. Lie to Me - Season 2 Episode 7

Season one has a solid arc for Buffy and the cast as a whole, and even as a standalone is a good commentary on the story of the chosen-one, but I think Season 2 onwards is when Buffy goes from being a neat show about vampire slayers to a work of fiction that has actual things to say, and commentary on not only other stories in the fantasy genre but also real life too.

Lie to me is basically the introduction of that complexity in Buffy's life, that has only ever been hinted at beforehand. Buffy is a pretty morally righteous hero, for the most part with a few exceptions the vampires she faces are souless monsters, demons possessing corpses. Lie to Me is the first time Buffy faces a human antagonist, and not just a human one but someone who shares a lot of flaws with Buffy as well. I think the best way to make a character arc is to start with an incorrect belief they hold about the world and then go out of your way to correct it. Buffy starts from believing she is the hero of the story, and the people she fights on a regular basis are monsters.

Lie to Me turns that on its head, not only is the antagonist Buffy's childhood friend, someone who has sympathetic reasons but is still willing to kill people enmasse to get what he wants the same way that vampires do, he also has flaws in common with Buffy. The same way that Owen wants the world to be more like a movie with simple logic, and he's playing a villain to make things easier for himself, Buffy is playing a hero. Owen isn't the only liar, Angel hides his worst deed from Buffy because he was scared of Buffy disliking him for it. Buffy's very much lying to herself about the kind of person that Angel is, because she wants to believe the more romantic image of him as a repentant vampire boyfriend then the legitimate bad things he has done.

It's a story that criticizes people for lying to themselves, and shows what can happen when you are caught up in irresponsible lies, and yet at the same time it sympathizes with people. It doesn't say people rely on stories because they're selfish or stupid, at least not all the way, the final speech is Buffy asking Giles to lie to her, because her life is genuinely hard and messy and complicated and she wants the simplicity of a story to reassure her everything will be alright.

4. I Only Have Eyes For You - Season 2 Episode 19

I Only Have Eyes For You is amazing because it not only tells a complicated and tragic tale of victimhood, but also it shows one of Buffy’s most major flaws, and also plays with the expectation of the audience as well. This is an episode I watch with friends and talk the entire time through, because I want to know what their initial reactions are and how those reactions are turned on its head by the end of the episode. 

Basically, the whole point of this episode is the twist, we are first presented with what looks to be an unsympathetic and toxic victim. A boy who kills his lover because they no longer want to be with them, someone who is framed as abusive and having done an unforgivable thing. Until you look at the context of the situation, the boy in question was seventeen, and his lover was an adult woman who was dating him. It plays with audience expectations because like, if it had been a teenage girl dating an adult man, then it would be obvious who the victim was and who the perpetrator. 

If it had been a teenage girl dating an adult man... oh. This is also an episode where we explore how Buffy has a hard time seeing herself as a victim, because of her issues of guilt and self blame. Giles tells Buffy they should help the spirit that is suffering in this episode because it is in pain, and it needs forgiveness as a tool for healing and Buffy suggests that some people should never be forgiven and they should just leave it alone. Which is not really a heroic or even kind notion. That has nothing to do with the crime they committed and everything to do with Buffy’s inability to forgive herself. 

It’s an episode that goes really dark places, especially with parallels to real life relationship abuse, and yet it has something to say about the characters and those issues. It’s also ultimately about the healing power of forgiveness over punishment. 

3. Fool for Love - Season 5 episode 7

Season five is really the turning point where the show is about more than just the real life issues teenagers have to deal with growing up, but starts focusing on high concept themes like death, love, the interplay between the two, or even just what it would be like to live a life that’s more than a hundred years and the effect that would have on a person. 

Spike is my favorite character of all time, in anything, ever yet it’s funny that his focus episode is only third on the list, but that’s because also later episodes build on this one and have more to say. Fool for Love is just, very targeted in its messages and what it’s about in relationship to Spile’s character. Spike is sympathetic and engaging as a character not because he has a sympathetic backstory, in fact he’s a frilly victorian poet boy, turned murderer because he thought it would give him love or something more meaningful to live for. He’s not a moral person, he’s a-moral, all of his actions are framed selfishly around what he thinks will get him love, and he’s not even always a good boyfriend he’s godawful to harmony on several occasions. 

Yet Spike is interesting because he’s a monster with human feelings, who wants the things every person wants, which is to be loved and love in return, and yet he feels like as a vampire he can only deal in death and violence and this also relates to Buffy. The episode is about more than Spike’s personal story though,i it’s about Buffy’s relationship to her own mortality, that despite Buffy being a literal superhero she might not die by a big bad, or even die saving the world, she can just slip up in one fight and be stabbed by a random mook. It’s about the life that Buffy leads, where no matter how strong she is, people will just relentlessly come and come for her no matter what, and that’s also relatable because how many people have expressed something like “I always feel like I just have to get through the week and things will get better only for the next week to be harder.” 

It is about a life that is both empty and full of violence for both Buffy and Spike, and yet somehow both of them are still searching for love within that life. The biggest scene of change for Spike at the end of the episode is after a whole episode of peacocking around, after trying to insist to Buffy that his vampire idenitty as a killer is the real him, that Buffy is attracted to him as a killer because she has a death wish, his last real action in the episode is to put the gun down and try to comfort Buffy as Spike the sensitive poet, because no matter how hard he tries to bury that identity it’s who he is inside and people grow close to one another when they can show that vulnerability around each other.

2. Once More With Feeling - Season 6 episode 7

Not only the best musical episode ever, but actually a really good standalone forty five minute musical, but besides being an amazing production in general it's the themes of this episode that make me love it.

It is more or less Season 6's version of Lie to Me, where once again we are demosntrating that the stories people tell each other to comfort themselves can actively be harmful as well. Buffy suffers under having to put on an act and pretend everything is okay when she's not happy her friends brought her back from the dead. Spike suffers from being a much more selfless version of himself than he really is, because he's trying too hard to be the ideal boyfriend and supporting character to Buffy when he's still in love with her and wants a relationship. Tara suffers because Willow quite literally controls her mind to make her forget a fight, so they can both play-act a much happier version of their relationship.

Once More with Feeling is about both the collective desire of how everyone wants life to be more positive, more meaningful like in a musical, how they want life to be more like a song, but also how that very human desire can be harmful because it comes at the cost of denying the reality and not dealing with it. Every single song has a much darker subtext that is revealed over the course of the show.

Also, for an episode that's really dark, and is about not only Buffy's suicidal ideation but how genuinely hard life is to live, and how meaningless it can seem at times, it ends on such a beautiful message that even if say Life is pointless, nihilism is correct, there's nothing greater waiting for us, Spike still tells Buffy to keep living because "Life is just living" the only way you can survive in the world is by trying to live in it, simply because we don't know what comes after this and this life is all we got.

1. Conversations with Dead People Season 7 Episode 7

As a lover of drama, as a lover of Spike, a lover of Spuffy and romance it's funny to me that my favorite episode is an episode Spike is barely in, and nothing really happens except for all of the characters sitting down and talking, but the thing about Buffy is that all the characters are so interesting that you can have an episode like this where everyone finally sits down to talk through their issues.

It's not only an episode where a lot of characters have the conversations they've been putting off for forever, Dawn and her feelings about her dead mother, Buffy and her feelings about both the Slayer and her relationships with Angel and Spike, Willow and her mourning of Tara and her suicidal ideation that hasn't quite gone away.

It's also demonstrative of the kind of people all three of these characters that get focus are, it informs you a lot about their characters, and takes the time to do the kind of character work that Buffy is known for. It's also not just about mortality, but also about the people you are in the privacy of your own head, or when no one else is around. Like, the conversations that they all have are literally with dead people. Willow is talking with someone she believes to be a ghost, Buffy is going to stake the vampire at the end of her conversation, Dawn is dealing with what she thinks is the ghost of Joyce. These conversations are revealing specifically because all three women are pretty much alone, and so they can be their true unfiltered selves.

It's almost the exact opposite of lie to me, because dead men tell no tales, so all three of them are allowed to be much more honest than they usually are, and that makes their emotional responses so much more visceral and telling of what they really think. It drags up the subtext and makes it text. It acknowledges what we have known was already there about the characters, but also after dragging those issues up to the surface it helps them move on in a much more conciliatory way. Buffy after admitting for the first time her issues is comforted by the vampire trying to murder her, "I'm not here to Judge you, just kill you." Willow ignores the first's taunts that she should just kill herself to be with Tara. Dawn chooses not to believe in what is maybe ghost JOyce's warning that Buffy will abandon her. THe characters are confronted with their most negative thoughts and their worst flaws, but they also choose to think more positively about things in the aftermath of these confrontations and so that healthy and honest conversation becomes a starting point in healing for all three of them.

[volcanolotus]

What’s your favorite movies and shows from your childhood to today?

I've always liked the Incredibles growing up, it was a "watch over and over" movie for baby mags.

As for shows, I grew up watching old discs of stuff like Popeye, Betty Boop, Little Audrey, Little Lulu, and some other miscellaneous stuff I can't remember right now.

Then of Course, Shiftylook Mappy came into my life during my most formative years and it's like half of my personality. I started watching lesson less shows as I got older.

There was a very dark time in my life in which the nutshack was a show I watched and genuinely enjoyed. I must emphasize though it wasn't a dark time because of the nutshack, I just happened to be going through a very bad several years long life experience and the nutshack of all things was one of the lights in the darkness. Despite everything I still have a fondness for this show, in all honesty.

I've also watched Kipo and The Owl House. Both were great shows but I don't have a lot to say that has not been said.

I really like Big City Greens, but I need to like watch it from start to present. I know there's some sort of running narrative that I'd like to experience chronologically at some point.

I used to be a huge fan of BFDI but now it kinda makes me angry. I only still watch this show because my favorite character hasn't been eliminated but a lot of people don't like or care about that character (voter evidence) so I could be parting ways with the show in the near future depending on how soon the writers want to fuck over my favorite team. Only other object shows I watched were one, lunchbox kids, and the nightly manor, and that's because they were actually doing something different with the overall genre of "object show." Competition shows are getting stale. I hate ainanimate Insanity and I will never watch it again.

I had so much of the super Mario brothers super show, 3, and world on CDs too. Love that show it's silly as hell. I liked 3 the most bc of the koopaling songs. Stank City USA was my favorite. Go look that one up.

To expand a little bit more about movies, nowadays I really only watch movies I know I will like, because movies are such an investment.

I recently watched the Mario movie, Nimona, and spiderverse 2 and they were all amazing to me for different reasons. I liked the Incredibles 2 as well, but not as much as the first one. It was still great imo. I also liked turning red a lot. I need to see Barbie so badly. Oh I loved 12 dancing princesses so fucking much that movie popped the fuck off. Go barbie.

I rambled for a long time and I probably forgot some of my favorite shows and or movies but I think I'm satisfied with the information I've given here. Thanks for asking :3

[cinemainamerica]

Movie Chronicles

 

Movies are a big part of my childhood and still important to me today. Movie days are something that my Mom and I cherish and still do our best to make time for.

When writing my list of twenty movies it was challenging for me to narrow my fundamental movie list down to only twenty movies. After many challenges of trying to pick between two movies that mean so much to me, and a lot of careful consideration I was able to construct my list. 

AGE 3-9: Mamma Mia!, High School Musical, Cinderella, Uptown Girls, The Mighty Ducks

AGE 10-13: Greece, Coat of Many Colors, Legally Blonde, Mean Girls, Big Daddy

AGE 14-16: Grown Ups, The Blind Side, A Walk to Remember, How to lose a Guy in 10 Days, We are Marshall

AGE 16-18: Barbie Movie, Walk the Line, Athlete A, Miracle, Home Team

When starting this project and writing out my list of movies the first movie on my list was Mamma Mia and funny enough when I asked my Mom to write a list for me, the same movie was number one on her list. I was born in 2004, thus making me four years old when this movie was released. When I was younger, I had a hard time sitting through movies that did not offer lots of singing and dancing and my Mom still likes to remind me of this to this day. My mom recalls playing me Mamma Mia! for the first time, and says I instantly was hooked. She would often try to play other movies for me and saw that I was not paying attention and would switch me over to watching Mamma Mia!. I would watch the movie and sing and dance along with the actors, and that is a core memory that I hold with me today.

I was captivated by the scenery that the movie is placed in, and from a young age I have dreamed about traveling to Greece and am ecstatic that I have the opportunity this upcoming summer! Mamma Mia! holds a special place in my heart because of the huge role it played in my childhood, and to this day when asked what my favorite movie is, I will answer with Mamma Mia! 

AGE 3-9: Mamma Mia!, High School Musical, Nim's Island, Hannah Montana: the Movie, Mary Poppins

AGE 10-13: Maid Of Honor, Dolphin Tail, Legally Blonde, Mean Girls, Sweet Home Alabama,

AGE 14-16: Grown Ups, Monte Carlo, Grown Ups 2, How to lose a Guy in 10 Days, The Perfect Man

AGE 16-18: The Longest Ride, Walk the Line, Athlete A, Miracle, The Blind Side 

Above is the list that my mom created, our lists share a lot of the same moves, but hers included different ones as well. When reading her list for the first time there were a lot of movies that I had completely forgotten about, but seeing the names sent me right back to watching them when I was younger. She reminded me of the times my dad and I would sit in the back tv room and watch Nim’s Island, or the long car rides to North Carolina and I would be in the backseat watching Dolphin Tail on repeat. The movie that I still cannot believe I forgot to include on my list is the Hannah Montana Movie. My Mom, Dad, and I went to the theaters to watch it when it first came out, and the theater was packed, we could barely find seats together but it was so special to me that my dad went with us to watch it because I think there were maybe two other dads in the whole theater.

Another movie we both included on our list was Grown Ups. Growns Ups was the movie that made me realize how much I genuinely enjoy the comedy genre. I cherish the fact that I can put this movie on, escape from the world around me and just laugh. I love watching movies or shows that make me laugh because it truly puts me in a better mood. It also resonated with me that even though they are grown men with families they have the ability to reunite with each other and go back in time and just act like kids again.

I hope this is something that I am able to do with my childhood friends when we grow older. When I am in a sad mood I do often find myself turning this movie on because it takes me back not only to the sleepover at McKenna’s the first time I watched it, but how it has a way of taking me out of the negative headspace and cheering me up. 

From a young age I loved Dolly Parton, my first memory of her is being on a Hannah Montana episode and from that moment I was hooked. I loved the way she was so put together, always had a fabulous outfit, and was such a sweet person. When my mom saw she had a movie coming out she knew we had to watch it as a family. We were sitting on the couch waiting for the movie to air on NBC and I was ecstatic. From the first seconds of the movie I was instantly hooked. The movie was able to represent that even though you might not be wealthy in money you can make up for it with love. Although I am not one of twelve children, it taught me to wear my heart on my sleeve and be thankful for all I have and all my parents have provided for me. 

After watching the movie it also showed me that you can chase and follow your dream and there are no excuses that can be used to hold you back. To this day, my family and I all sit on the couch around christmas time and watch the movie. With us watching it around the holidays, it reminds me to be grateful for everything I am blessed with and most importantly to love one another. 

Until completing the list of my top twenty most fundamental movie lists, I never really thought about how much movies can really teach you. They can teach you to laugh, be grateful for everything you have, and even just how to relax and spend time with family. I truly could not imagine how different my life would be if I did not have those movies to grow up with and still cherish to this day. 

“Dolly Parton’s Coat of Many Colors.” IMDb, IMDb.com, 10 Dec. 2015, www.imdb.com/title/tt4767274/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1. 

“Grown Ups.” IMDb, IMDb.com, 25 June 2010, www.imdb.com/title/tt1375670/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0_tt_8_nm_0_q_grown%2520ups. 

“Mamma Mia!” IMDb, IMDb.com, 18 July 2008, www.imdb.com/title/tt0795421/. 

[therubyreader]

My Thoughts on The Hunger Games as an Adult

While this isn't technically a book review I'm still going to count it and link the rest of my reviews here.

I have rejoined The Hunger Games hype with the new prequel movie based on the prequel book, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, coming out this year. I was a huge fan of the Hunger Games books back when I was in middle school when the first movie came out and I forced my family (and then eventually my friends) into watching the movies with me. I know I read the first book in the series a couple of times since I owned a copy of it but I don't remember if I read the rest of the series multiple times since I didn't get the rest of the books until literally this week since I now have adult money. That all to say that I haven't read the books or watched the movies, in almost a decade, so here's just a quick compilation of thoughts I had while reading the first book that are different from my original perception of it as a kid:

Katniss is an unreliable narrator

I know full well this sentiment has been expressed by multiple people across multiple platforms but hearing it and experiencing it are two very different things. Though I learned about unreliable narrators as a kid, I was still like, eleven, the first time I read the book so I was young and naive and trusting of everyone. I genuinely didn't get the whole star crossed lovers thing because I trusted Katniss and because she was telling me that Peeta was also pretending for the sake of the game I believed it. Now, as an adult with more life experience but the same amount of romantic experience as child me (none), it is so glaringly obvious that Peeta was genuinely in love with Katniss the whole time! Everything makes so much more sense now.

The writing is... strange

Ok, hear me out before you come for me, the writing isn't bad per se but it does feel strange now rereading after an added decade of consuming more literature across different genres and time periods, and getting a degree in writing (kind of), it just reads weird now. Again, strange isn't bad, and I realize that I'm reading YA literature which is a far cry from the classics in terms of technique, which is fine because classics make my head hurt, but there were certain choices that were for sure made. For starters, there would be multiple scenes where Katniss would pass out and it would just go from one paragraph to another with no breaks to let us know time has passed, or multiple days would be covered in a sentence. Though I do get the stream of consciousness way of writing adds to the story and Katniss as a character, it just felt clunky to me.

Why is everything so fast?

This might be a combination of the movies skewing my perception of the book, the fact we have to cover a month in a limited amount of pages, and just run of the mill forgetfulness (because, again, it's been years) but everything happened so damn fast. I could've sworn that Katniss and Rue spent multiple days together before Rue died but it was only one which was bonkers. The training sessions lasted only like two pages, which again could be because of the things I said earlier, but for some reason I thought they were in there for longer. Same thing with the train to the Capitol and back, and I do get that we're supposed to spend the majority of the plot in the actual games but everything just happened so fast. Maybe it was a deliberate choice to make everything before and after the games so hazy and the games themselves very real and present, but again, it was just not at all how I remembered.

Gale is more irrelevant than I remember

Again, this is probably because the movies played up the whole love triangle thing, but Gale is only really there for a bit and most of the mentions of him are either memories or Katniss just thinking about him in passing. I know he's a bigger part of the other two books, and much more present, but he is just a footnote in the first book which I completely forgot about.

The violence?!?!

Now, I know what you all are saying "but Val, this is The Hunger Games, it's about kids killing each other, it's going to be violent" and I know that, but it just hits different as an adult. I mean, remember, when I first started reading the books I was eleven, to me it was just a silly little YA novel with a fun adventure and a romantic subplot, because again, I was a child. Now, over a decade later, as an adult reading how literal children are being forced to fight each other to the death for entertainment, the messaging of the story is very clear to me. I think this also made me appreciate it more in terms of world building and the morality of it which for me made the book more enjoyable. And I know that's strange, understanding the violence of it and getting rid of my childhood naivety and innocence, made my childhood favorite, better, when usually it's the opposite.

I think those are all my thoughts for now (haha), I have read the second book in between when I first started writing this post and when I'm finishing it but my thoughts on it are more or less the same. But! I can do another post of this nature in the future if you all want for Catching Fire or for Mockingjay which I'm about to start as soon as I post this.

[chvnnie]

Hoodies

bang chan x fem reader

word count: 4.7k

genre: fluff, minor angst, smut - MINORS DNI

warnings: best friends to lovers, soft dom!chan, sub!reader, nicknames “bunny” and “sweet thing” used for reader, daddy kink, a bit of a size kink (reader is described as small and chan uses the word “little” as a descriptive word), sliiiiiiight innocence kink? maybe?, reader’s personality in the bedroom different than her day to day one, fingering (f), hand job, cum eating (i have a problem okay), thigh riding, dirty talk, big dick chan, no piv sex, chan is absolutely fucking whipped. if i missed anything - PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

summary: best friend movie night takes an unexpected turn when you start a show jisung recommended.

a/n: honestly felt like i absolutely exposed myself in this fic so don’t come at me lmao. i’m such a sucker for a best friends to lover story line, especially with a bit of angst mixed in, so i hope you love it just as much. ALSO, I HIT 100 FOLLOWERS TODAY! i’m so excited! thank you all so much for reading and supporting my work and i’m sending you a million and five virtual kisses. maybe i’ll celebrate it??? idk i know it’s a small milestone, but i’m so excited anyway :)

this is a work of fiction. this fic in no way represents bang chan as a person or stray kids as a whole. you are responsible for the media you consume. please read responsibly.

There were three things Chan was absolutely certain of.

First was that tea was better than coffee, no matter what anyone else wanted to believe.

Second was that the only proper way to get ready for bed was to shower first, brush your teeth second, and wash your face last. That was the only correct way.

Third was that he was absolutely in love with his best friend.

He had met you through friends. You grew up next door to Changbin, whose closest childhood friend was your brother. He had heard your name a handful of times, but never had a voice or face to match it.

The first time he heard your voice was in the car with Changbin. The two men were driving back from a trip, using the car ride to prepare for work the next day. In the middle of the conversation, Changbin’s phone rang.

He looked at his phone before sighing. “I have to answer this, sorry.” He looked at Chan apologetically before swiping the answer call button. “Hel-“

“Yah! Seo Changbin!” The call wasn’t on speaker phone, but your voice filled the car nonetheless. “Where the hell are you?”

“What? Why does it matter? Why are you yelling at me?”

“You were supposed to attend a charity luncheon with me, remember?” You said. Chan watched the wheels click in Changbin’s eyes before his friend sighed deeply. “You absolute asshole-“

“I’m so sorry.” Changbin said, voice genuinely apologetic. “I completely forgot. I can be there in an hour if you still need-“

“No, it’s fine.” It did not sound fine. “I’ll just go talk to a bunch of rich old people by myself.”

“I’m so so-“

“You owe me.” The line went silent.

Changbin leaned his head back, letting it hit the headrest. He dug the heel of palms on his eyes and rubbed them. “I’m a dick.”

Chan shrugged. “I mean, yeah.”

“You’re not helping.”

“It was an accident.” Chan looked away from the road to look at his friend, who was nervously picking at the skin around his nails. “I’m sure you’ll make it up to her somehow.”

The first time he saw your face was when Changbin did make it up to you.

It was Changbin’s birthday trip. He offered to pay for your plane ticket as an apology for ditching you at a charity event, and you immediately jumped on it.

The plan was to meet at the airport. After checking luggage, everyone would go ahead and go through security and meet at the gate for the trip. That way everyone could come when they were ready.

Per usual, Changbin was the last to arrive. This time with you by his side.

Chan couldn’t tear his eyes away from you as the two of you got closer. Hair thrown in a ponytail that swished as you walked. You wore all black; black leggings that hugged your thighs and formed to your legs perfectly, a sleeveless crop top that exposed just an inch of your skin above the leggings, black sandals. You were focused on a cup of yogurt in your hands, scrapping for the last bit of it onto your spoon when Changbin leaned in and said something to you.

That’s when Chan got a look at your face, and if he didn’t know any better, he would have swore his heart stopped. Your eyes were bright and wide, filled with a sparkle that made Chan think of stars twinkling on a clear summer’s night. Your lips were pulled back in a wide grin, one he would learn was your mischievous smile. It captivated him, from that moment on, he knew he wanted to be around you all the time.

When the two of you approached the group, he could make out your laugh. Out of all the sounds in the world, that was his favorite; butterflies filling his tummy every single time, still to this day.

“Sorry we’re late.” Changbin said when they got closer to the group. He went around, hugging and greeting all his friends before he turned and introduced you. You offered a smile and wave to each person, nose scrunching as you giggled at a joke Felix made.

Finally, Changbin had introduced you to him. Your eyes immediately met his, and nothing could draw his attention away. Your hello was brief, but thinking about it still gave him the chills.

Your seat was in between Changbin and his. Most of the flight you spent nagging Changbin to open the window shade, wanting to see the water below you.

You released a yawn, arms stretching above you as much as they could. You turned your head to your left and tugged one of Changbin’s headphones out.

“Give me your hoodie.” You said, not bothering to ask.

Changbin’s eyebrows narrowed. “What? No.”

“Please, I’m cold.” You whined as you pulled on the sleeve of the hoodie he was wearing.

“I told you to bring your own, but you decided not to listen to me.”

“Fine. You were right, I was wrong. Now give it to me.”

The two of you bickered, Changbin shoving your hands away as you tried to pull it off him. After about a minute of bickering, you gave up with a huff, letting Changbin win. He smiled triumphantly as he closed his eyes. “Don’t bother me again.”

You pouted, pulling your knees up to your chest in an attempt to warm yourself. Chan could see the goosebumps on your arms, and he couldn’t stop himself from removing his own hoodie.

“Here, use mine.” Chan said, offering it to you.

It was the most he had spoken to you since boarding, and he couldn’t help the way his hands shook slightly as he spoke to you.

“Oh, no, Chan. I’m okay. I don’t want you to be cold-“

“Come on, take it.” He placed it on your knees before you could say no again. “I know you’re cold, you have goosebumps. You can give it back to me when we land.”

You smiled gently at him before pulling it over your head, whispering a “thank you”. If he thought you were pretty before, the sight of you in his clothes drove him absolutely insane. His hoodie swallowed you, your hands not even touching the cuffs of it. You curled up into a ball, content in the warm softness of Chan’s hoodie, and slowly fell asleep.

It was your favorite hoodie of his to steal.

In fact, it was the one you were wearing now. Three years later, and it still swallowed you, barely covering the spandex shorts you were wearing underneath. You had taken it the moment you walked into his apartment, immediately finding comfort in it. It always smelled like Chan, woody and musky, and that made it your favorite. The scent of him was your favorite, and you took any opportunity you had to drown in it.

The two of you sat on Chan’s couch, a throw blanket covering both of your bare legs. You scrolled through your phone as Chan clicked through Netflix, humming softly under his breath as he browsed.

“Any suggestions?” Chan asked, eyes focused on the tv.

You dropped your phone on the couch as you looked with him. “Hmm, what about that anime Jisung keeps talking about?”

Chan grimaced slightly. He knew exactly which anime you were talking about, and the last person he wanted to watch it with was you. Not because you were a bad person to binge shows with; if anything, the amount of tv series you’ve completed together in one night proves the opposite. No, he didn’t want to watch it with you because of how fucking horny it was.

Jisung, who was constantly trying to put his dick in something, couldn’t shut up about it. When you caved and asked him about it, he described the plot perfectly, but failed to mention the amount of suggestive content in it. It was anything but subtle, and according to Jisung, incredibly hot.

So Chan couldn’t watch it with you. Not when he was in love with you, not when your bare knee was touching his, not when you were wearing his hoodie over those tiny fucking shorts he hated so much. Every time you wore them, he lost focus, unable to do anything but try not to pop a boner when you were around. He couldn’t watch that show with you because he was already half hard and he knew it would just make his situation so much worse.

“I don’t know if you’ll like that one.” Chan answered, quickly clicking away from the anime section.

“How do you know that?”

Chan shrugged, hoping you couldn’t see how red his ears were. “Just doesn’t seem like it would be something you would enjoy.”

You glared at your best friend before leaning over him, crawling across his lap and almost sitting on it as you snatched the remote away from him.

“Only one way to find out, right?”

Before he could stop you, you hit play and shoved the tv remote between the couch pillow and the arm. You pressed your back against the arm, sticking your legs out to drape them over Chan’s.

How was he supposed to keep himself calm during the show when he could feel your soft skin against his? After you had practically straddled him? It was impossible. He wasn’t sure if he could make it through the evening.

You paid attention to the show, laughing at the right moments and reacting appropriately to the dramatic scenes. Chan, on the other hand, just stared at the tv. Sure, he picked up some of what was happening, but for the most part, all he could focus on was how throughout the first episode you had sunk lower down the couch, the bottom of your thighs on top of his now. He had felt your body against his in innocent ways many times before, so he didn’t understand why tonight he couldn’t stop thinking about what it would feel like to be in between your legs.

You shifted onto your side to get more comfortable, butt lightly brushing against his ribs.

Chan needed to get the fuck out of here, and fast.

It was like the universe knew he needed an out, the episode ending as soon as he decided he couldn’t take it anymore. Chan pushed your legs off his, trying to not seem too eager to get away from you.

“Want anything from the kitchen?” He asked as he stuck his hands in the pocket of his workout shorts, subtly hiding his throbbing boner.

“Chips?”

“Got it.”

Once Chan was safely in the kitchen, he placed both hands on the counter top and hung his head, trying to control his breathing. It was getting harder and harder for him to be around you; both emotionally and physically. Everything you did completely consumed him, and he found himself falling in love with new things about you daily.

Chan first realized that his crush was much deeper than he thought when you remembered his go-to order at his favorite takeout place. You had only known each other for a few months, yet you remembered something as small as that about him. He remembered the way you scolded Changbin, flicking the back of his head when he asked him for his order. You said if Changbin was truly his friend, he would have his order memorized by now.

From there, it spiraled.

Sometimes it was big things, like the way you would bring him homemade soup whenever he was sick, or the way you always carried cash on you just in case someone was in need of it. Sometimes it was little things, like the way your hair clings to your face with static and sweat after you wake up, or how you always leave your socks just lying around his apartment. No matter what you did, something about you made him feel like it was the first time he met you, over and over again.

He would find a way to bring the moon to the earth for you. He would do anything for you.

And the thought that you might not feel the same way about him crushed him in ways he didn’t know could break.

Chan splashed some cold water on his face to help lower his body temperature a bit before grabbing two water bottles and a bag of chips. When he got back in the living room, you were sprawled out on the couch, completely on your back. The dim glow of your phone lit up your face, revealing a small smile playing on your lips. Chan dropped the bag of chips on your chest, forcing your attention on him. A look of annoyance crossed your features until you noticed what kind of chips he threw at you.

“Oh, my favorite!” You exclaimed, immediately sitting up. You looked up at him and gave him the smile you only gave when you were really excited or when you started giggling, your nose scrunching up and making you look like a bunny. That smile was his favorite; teasingly calling you “bunny” every time that smile broke out. “Thank you, Channie.”

The way you said his name, voice light and sing-song like had him flushed all over again.

How was he going to make it through the night?

//

As the hours passed, Chan found himself more engrossed in the show, momentarily forgetting about the confliction of feelings you made him feel. There were only two episodes left in the first season, and both of you agreed to finish it out before calling it a night.

You were on your back again, butt against the outer edge of his right thigh, supporting your legs that slung over them. Chan was slouched, man spreading, his hand holding your thigh over the blanket. Cuddling like this was normal for the two of you, and Chan was calm enough not to think too deeply about it.

That was, until a certain scene came on.

Chan had heard about it from Jisung more times than he could count. His younger friend swore it was one of the hottest things he had ever watched before, and that he thought about it for days after. Every time he would bring it up, Chan would always roll his eyes and tell Jisung that stuff like that wasn’t really his thing.

So, when the animated characters started touching each other, Chan was surprised to find himself attracted to what was unfolding in front of him.

The main character sat on her love interest’s lap, straddling one of his thighs and rode it quickly. He had one hand on the back of her head, tugging her head back every time she slowed the movement of her hips. His free hand flipped the hem of her skirt up, exposing herself to him as he talked her through the process.

Okay, maybe it was pretty hot.

But never would he admit that to Jisung. Never would he admit that to you, who he was actively watching the show with. He would simply tuck the idea in the back of his mind, storing it for inspiration later when he-

He didn’t expect to feel the bottom of your thighs flex against his, or the blanket getting tugged in between your legs. What he really didn’t expect to see was your eyes wide, mouth slightly open as your breaths deepened, your legs firmly rubbing against each other under the blanket.

He didn’t expect to find his best friend, who never left his mind for even a moment, turned on by the show they were watching. Literally right on top of him.

The question left his mouth before he could even consider it. “Whatcha doing down there?”

Your eyes shot up at him, legs suddenly stilling. “Nothing.”

“Really? Because it felt like you were clenching your thighs on top of me.”

Your face drained of color, mouth dropping open as you stared at him. He tried his best not to smirk, but was unsuccessful. Chan had fucking caught you red handed, and he couldn’t believe his luck.

“No, I was just readjusting.” The lie was bad, and you knew he wouldn’t buy it.

He didn’t.

Chan leaned closer into you, hand pushing further up your thigh. “Did that turn you on?” His low voice sent shivers straight to your core, and you couldn’t help but clench your legs tighter.

“N-no. Not at all, I just-“

Chan hummed, hand now gripping the outer edge of your thigh at the very top. He loved how small you looked beneath him, lips trembling and eyes blown wide.

In a split second, Chan threw all caution out the window, deciding that he couldn’t take another second of not touching you. If you didn’t want to stay friends with him after this, so be it, but he was seizing the opportunity that was presented so nicely to him.

“You know, I could help you with that.” His thumb drew circles on your thigh over the blanket, applying just enough pressure so you could feel it. “If you want.”

You froze, and for half a beat, Chan’s heart dropped into his stomach. Did he just fuck everything up? Did he just lose you forever because of his pussy-clouded brain?

Then, you nodded meekly, almost like you were afraid to ask him for it, and every ounce of doubt left Chan’s body in a second.

“Oh sweet girl.” Chan whispered, grip on your thigh tightening. “I need words.”

Your hand found his, softly squeezing it. The way you were staring at him made his brain short circuit - your gaze was so full of lust and trust, and what Chan hoped was mutual affection.

“Yes, please. Help me.”

That was the green light Chan needed, and nothing would hold him back now.

In two quick movements, he pulled the blanket off your laps. Once your body was exposed to him, his hands found the hem of your hoodie, pushing it up just enough to reveal the waistband of your shorts. He pulled them off your legs quickly, making sure to leave your panties on. A hand gripped your outermost thigh, rested right on his knees and pulled it open, letting your foot drop and hit the ground with a thud.

His eyes fell immediately to your cunt, a low groan falling from his lips. Your panties were simple - white cotton with a small pink bow at the waistline. The wet spot in the middle had turned them a light grey, showing just how wet you were without even taking them off.

Two fingers pressed gently against the wet spot, running up and down your slit over your panties.

“Fuck, bunny.” The nickname rolling sweetly off his tongue. “Already so wet and I just started touching you.”

You squirmed from his words, hips bucking at the sensation. Chan just smiled at you, slowly rubbing you through your panties. He always thought if ever presented with this moment, he would be too eager, jumping on you before you could get another word out. That quickly changed once he saw how just a few small touches made you writhe and deepen your breaths.

He was going to take his time with you.

Slowly, Chan grabbed your panties and pulled them down, savoring the way they stuck to your core from the wetness. Once off, he stuffed them in his shorts pocket. If this went well, you were never getting that pair back.

Fingers on you again, he spread the lips of your pussy open, unable to look away. You were so pretty all soaked, and it was all for him.

His fingers moved down to your hole, slowly sliding one finger into you. It went in smoothly, your slick helping lubricate it. He didn’t stop until he was knuckles deep, and then slowly, he dragged his finger back out. As he thrusted back in, a low moan fell from your lips.

He was convinced nothing could rival your laugh. Turns out, your moans almost took the prize for best sound in the world.

“You’re so tight, and I only have one finger in you. I think you can take another one, hm?”

It wasn’t a question, but you answered him anyway. “Yes…” he didn’t hear the second word, only the “y” sound it ended with.

“What was that?” He stopped his torturous movements, finger all the way in.

You turned your head and embarrassingly whispered out: “Yes, daddy.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle. You, who was always ready to fight any of your friends and never afraid to stand up for yourself, one of the strongest women he knows, was too shy to look Chan in the eyes as you called him daddy.

He pulled his finger out completely, causing you to whine at the loss of contact. One of his hands gripped your chin, pulling it to look at him. When the two of you made eye contact, Chan smiled sweetly at you.

“Don’t worry, bunny.” He whispered. Without warning, Chan shoved two fingers completely inside, thrusting faster than before. “Daddy will take care of you.”

A mangled cry left your lips at the faster place, back arching up in pleasure. The sight of that alone had Chan thrusting faster, determined to have you fall apart from his fingers alone. Hand releasing your chin, he moved to your clit, circles matching the rhythm of the fingers inside you. The faster he moved, the louder you moaned. Your hands reached up and grabbed his hair, pulling him down and crashing your lips onto his, moans filling his mouth as your tongue explored his.

Never did he think you would kiss him first. But, then again, he hadn’t pictured himself knuckles deep inside of you during it, either.

Chan felt you shaking underneath him, loud whines filling his mouth. You broke the kiss, looking at him with big doe eyes.

“Daddy, please.” You whined, breaths getting faster. “So close.”

Chan kissed your nose, pace relentless as he pushed you closer to your edge. “Come on, bunny. Be a good girl and make a mess on my hand.”

Within seconds, your head fell back as you came around his fingers. He couldn’t help but moan at the feeling, imagining what it would feel like if it was his cock you came around instead.

His fingers fucked you through your orgasm, pulling out when he was sure you finished. Chan held his hand up to his face, spreading his fingers out and watching the cum cling between them. One by one, he popped them in his mouth, sucking them clean while staring right at you. The look of him hungrily eating your cum had you wet all over. His eyes rolled back each time he tasted you, muffled moans filling the space.

There was now a fourth thing Chan was absolutely certain of.

Nothing would ever taste as good as your cum on his tongue.

Your hands grabbed Chan’s waist, pulling him closer into you until his thigh was pressed against your pussy. As he continued to clean his fingers with his tongue, you slowly began to thrust your hips up and down his thigh, needy moans falling from your mouth.

“Need more of you, daddy.”

Once he was sure his hands were clean, Chan put his hands beside your head, caging you underneath him. He smiled at you fondly, his heart swelling with both love and lust at the way you humped. He moved a hand to cup your face, thumb rubbing your bottom lip softly before tugging it down a bit.

“Such a needy little bunny, humping daddy’s leg like this.” He saw the affect his words had on you from the way whimpers fell from your pouted lips to how your eyes watched him like he was the only person who could care for you like this.

And fuck, did he want to be that person.

“Tell me what you need from me.” His thumb released your lip which you immediately tucked in with your teeth.

“Want daddy to fuck me.” Your hands gripped his hips, stabilizing yourself as you began to move faster. “Want daddy inside me so bad.”

“Oh, your greedy pussy needs me? Haven’t you cum enough already?”

Your eyes widen, shaking your head quickly back and forth. “No, no. I wanna cum again.” Your words began to slur together, the pace of your hips slowly starting to lose control. “Need to cum more for you. Need to show daddy how good bunny can be.”

The moan left his lips, hands flying to your hips to stop your movements. All this time, he swore he would do anything for you, and while he still firmly believes it, he couldn’t believe that you would do the same for him.

His hands pushed your hips down and against the couch, stilling you completely.

“Don’t move.”

You would listen. He knows you would. You stared at Chan as his hands pushed up your torso, pulling his hoodie and your shirt up. Once he got to your armpits, you lifted your arms up to help him pull it off you until all you wore was a dainty, light pink bra.

“Undress me.” Chan whispered, placing a gentle kiss on your lips before sitting up on his knees.

You sat up, slowly removing his shirt. Once it was off, your fingers traced down his chest, feeling every ridge of his toned body. You hummed slightly, a soft smile painting your lips as you moved to his shorts. Grabbing both sides of his hips, you pushed them down, freeing his cock.

You stopped your movements, eyes focused on his member. Always so humble Chan, who was, unbeknownst to you until this very moment, walking around with the biggest cock you’ve ever seen. Both thick and long, your legs clenched at the mere thought of the way he would stretch you out.

Hands shaking slightly, you reached out, firmly grasping him. His hissed at the contact, your hands both soft and cold as you slowly moved your hand up and down in half circles.

“Daddy’s so big.” You whispered, completely focused on his cock. Pre cum leaked from the tip, and using your thumb, you wiped it off. Dropping his cock, you brought your thumb to your lips and looked at him. Mimicking Chan, you stuck your thumb in your mouth and slowly began to lick the pre cum off of it.

“Oh, fuck.” Chan hissed, hands cupping your face. You continued to suck, refusing to break eye contact with him as he watched. “Taste good, bunny?”

You nodded, moaning against your thumb. If Chan didn’t have any self control, he would have came on spot. The way you stared at him, completely naked except for your bra, moaning at the taste of him had him completely feral. He wanted to both take care of you and completely ruin you for anyone else, making sure you only came back to him again and again.

Chan grabbed your thumb and pulled it out of your mouth, bringing it back to his hard cock. You began to pump again, movements quicker this time. You came all over his hand, it was only fair that he now cum all over yours.

His head fell back, pants and groans filling the living room. The feeling of your hand on his cock felt so good. The touch he’s wanted for so long overriding all of his senses, making his brain slowly rot. You. All he could think about was you. You bent over. You on your knees for him. You begging him in your soft voice to fuck you.

You’re all he’s wanted and more.

And he wasn’t about to ruin that by cumming now.

Chan gripped your wrist, still your hand. You pouted at him, eyes filled with confusion.

“Daddy didn’t like?” You asked with a sad pout, disappointment growing in your lower belly.

He hated that look on your face.

“No, no.” He whispered, immediately reassuring you. “You did so good, bunny. Daddy just wants to fill your little pussy up.”

Your shoulders released the tension, excited smile painting your face, nose scrunching.

“Please?” You asked sweetly, dropping back down on the couch. “Please fuck me, daddy.” He watched as your legs spread out, inviting him to do whatever he wanted to you for as long as he wanted.

Chan was now certain of a fifth thing.

There was no way he was letting you leave this apartment without making you his in every possible way.

©: chvnnie 2022

[ilyoomi]

In my dreams,

“In my dreams, you love me back.”

— 1:54 in my dreams, red velvet🎵

prev | pt III | next

pairing: diluc x y/n

genre: angsttt

about: a wife who never knew love, and a husband who didn’t know how to show it

tonight was a night after forever. a night where diluc’s birthday banquet was being held. you never expected for your husband to allow you to attend. after so many restrictions over the year, you were elated when he granted you permission.

you were prepared for the worse, a rejection from him. however, you couldn’t hide your excitement when he actually said yes. he had your dress tailor made to match him, the star of tonight.

truthfully, you were more surprised when he actually mentioned of throwing a banquet for his birthday this year. it wasn’t like him, diluc ragnvindr was a very private person so when he told you, you were totally speechless.

the whole day, you couldn’t hide the smile as the maids bathed you in rose water, trimmed your hair, put on makeup and donned you in the most beautiful dress you had ever laid eyes on.

the dress was coloured in light ash blue, with tulle as the skirt. it showed off your collarbone and shoulders with an elbow bishop sleeves. the little flowers were cecilias sewn at your skirt and a little over your top. the ribbon around your waist was ivory. the outfit had a complementary shawl, a small addition that diluc thought would benefit you as the night grew colder.

you had never felt so much prettier in your life. starring at yourself in the mirror, you could feel your cheeks heating up, anticipating if he would like how you looked. unknowingly, your heart started to race as you felt like a child infatuated.

“don’t forget your gloves, my lady.” ah yes, you stared at your hands. some paint was still tainting your nails, diluc thought thoroughly. you can’t be showing your flaws not in front of such a perfect man.

you nearly forgot how lonely it felt for the past month. your heart easily swayed at the smallest act of affection given by him. you remembered the day you woke up and noticed flowers in your vase. none of the maids admitted to being responsible and you greedily assumed that it might be from diluc.

the smallest action from him made you happy, and over and over, you forgave him for the times he left you on your own. you knew you weren’t bringing yourself any justice, but it was all you could have. how dare you ask for more?

diluc stared at you awestruck, as you descended down the stairs. he quickly averted his eyes to hide the blush on his face. extending his hand for you, he choked on his compliment and wanted nothing but to punch himself for it. the two of you were silent through your whole way towards the banquet until you picked up the courage to wish him.

“happy birthday, diluc.”

the said man was caught completely off guard. it was just a birthday wish, but why was his heart racing so fast? he cleared his throat to stop himself from daydreaming. “i have your gift in my drawing room, if time allows, maybe i can show it to you after the party.” you added.

he knew you had been taking painting classes, but he had never actually see any of your work. he did receive updates from albedo that you had been doing well and that you were enjoying those classes, but it would be a lie if he never wished to see it at least once.

“thank you. you didn’t need to, but maybe we’ll take a look together.” he faked a cough as he caught himself breaking into a smile.

the carriage came to a stop when the two of you finally arrived at the venue. he offered a hand to escort you safely down the carriage before making your way into the hall, hand in hand.

“is that a genuine smile i see, my lady?”

albedo commented as soon as he caught you in the corner as you watched your husband greeting the guests. at first, you insisted to tag along but you became tired as the guests kept flooding in.

you nearly rolled your eyes at his teasings, “yes, i’m excited to show him my portrait for his gift.” you smiled at the thought of it.

“i’m sure he will love it, you worked very hard on it after all.” he commented. “speaking of which, why haven’t i see the two of you dancing yet? it should be the highlight of the party.” he added.

you shrugged, it wasn’t like you two promised one another. besides, you weren’t sure if you had the strength to even dance to one full song. nonetheless, you used to love dancing. banquets were your only escape from your family, they couldn’t scold you in public so you ‘rebelled’ as much as you wanted by enjoying yourself.

you truly loved dancing, but you knew that diluc wasn’t one for extravagant gestures like so. hence, you were quite happy with how things were going for the night.

“maybe i should try and ask him.” you stated in which albedo fully agreed on. you headed towards diluc as albedo retreated to his friends. your husband was in the middle of a conversation when he noticed you making your way towards him.

he looked at you with a bit of worry, “what’s the matter, are you feeling alright?” he instantly asked. you gave him a small smile before mustering up the courage to ask him. “i’m fine, i just wanted to know if you were willing to… um… dance.” your voice grew softer and softer.

diluc was startled by your offer, he would love to dance with you but he knew that you would only grow tired and it might made you sick again. so, he gave what he thought was the best for you.

“no, you haven’t fully recovered yet. i don’t want you to fall sick again.” he shook his head.

this time you tried to be a little adamant. “but i’m fine. i’ve been resting enough. a little dance won’t harm me, besides if i’m tired i promise i’ll tell yo—”

“y/n, stop it.” diluc looked at you with an expression you couldn’t decipher. usually, he would dismiss you a little softer. maybe you were being too sensitive but to you, diluc seemed a bit agitated.

diluc dragged you a little further away from everyone else when he noticed that you seemed to be unable to relent to his request.

all his gestures made you feel uneasy, as if he was trying to take the limelight from you. wasn’t it a good show for him too if the husband and wife danced together?

a show…

“are you embarrassed of me…?” your voice was so quiet that you weren’t sure if he heard you, but then you saw the shock in his face. “what are you on abou—”

you took a few steps back from him. “i know everything. you might’ve kept me in that house, but i know all that happened outside.” your breaths started to become uneven. “you’re getting rid of me aren’t you? that explains why you suddenly want to throw a party for your birthday. why you even allowed me to attend, you even invited them didn’t you?”

he knew well that you were referring to jean and emma but diluc didn’t like how you misunderstood it all. “y/n, that’s ridiculous. it’s not what you think.” he sighed as he tried to approach you, but you stepped away again.

“i know everything, diluc.” you kept your gaze down to your feet. “you never let me out of the house, even when you do you covered up all my flaws to make it seem like i’m perfect. like you’re perfect. as if the others don’t know that there’s nothing intimate between us.”

“i’m sick and i’m just a burden to you, a tool to everyone. i know that but i hoped you were different.”

“y/n, stop this please.”

luckily, there were no guests nearby as they thought to give the husband and wife space. still, you never expected rejection to hurt so much like this. you had already predicted it so why did it pained you so much? it was supposed to be a happy night for both of you until you heard a tiny exclamation, coming from the centre.

“papa! happy birthday!”

your heart stopped upon realising who it was. of course, you knew they would come. your maids had told you the list of guests, as part of preparation. it was your duty as his wife to know at least this much. you knew, they would come but still you hoped they wouldn’t show up.

because you knew no matter how happy the day has been for you, at the end of the day, it was all the same. “please, i don’t want you to fall sick again. you can enjoy the night however you want, but please take care of yourself.” you watched as diluc smiled brightly as he picked up the little girl in his arms.

it was the same look he had when he told you about his daughter. you watched in silence as he greeted the acting grand master, while carrying the child in his arms.

“oh, what a beautiful couple.”

you heard one of the guests whispered. your world turned blacked. of course they are, they’re perfect for each other. who were you?

you were a burden, a sick wife.

maybe none of this would’ve happened if they married later, maybe nothing should’ve changed in the first place. what were you even doing here, were you even welcomed?

it became harder for you to breathe as the negative thoughts kept plaguing your mind. no, no! it’s not your fault, it’s… it’s the child.

yes, it’s that child! if she wasn’t born no one would even say those words, maybe if she wasn’t born he would’ve still paid attention to you.

obviously, you weren’t in your right mind. however, all you could think of at the moment was to get rid of whatever was keeping your husband away from you. maybe, just maybe if they were gone, everything would be all fine again.

you didn’t know how but your dark thoughts got the better of you. your dark world was coloured in red, and you wanted nothing more than to hurt him. maybe if he felt whatever loneliness you suffered since a child, maybe he would try to understand you.

after watching him dance with his daughter, you knew that you made the right decision to hurt him. after all, you were sure that he or the clan would get rid of you soon enough.

you completely disappeared from the banquet, and your heart was torn into pieces when you realised no one even noticed your absence. your insecurities were doing the talk, but you couldn’t help but to believe. you knew that deep down even if you were truly gone, there would be no one who would put an effort to bring you back.

you weren’t as strong or indispensable like the grand master. furthermore, your family was the one who needed the ragnvindr, you never truly understood why he chose to marry you in the first place.

as you were in your own dark clouds, you noticed that the little girl was left unattended. you took the chance to approach her, your empty heart was filled with ill intention and you didn’t care anymore if that was what would put the nail in your own coffin.

“hi there.” you greeted her with a smile.

the girl had blonde hair, similar to her mother but her eyes, those eyes were so familiar. so similar to the man you loved so much. her red eyes shone innocently as she looked at you with rounded eyes, as if she just saw something enchanting.

“h-hello!” she chirped, you could see that she recognised you but you brushed it off as something you mistook. “why are you all by yourself?” you smiled as you crouched next to her.

“ah, i was looking for mama but i can’t find her. there’s too many people.” she mumbled. you couldn’t even pity her, there was a voice in your head that kept on repeating that this was your chance to rid of her. and so, you agreed.

“really, how about we look for her together?”

you reached out your hand and surprisingly, the naive child willingly took it.

note: one last part to go, thank you for the loves!!

[absolutebl]

What was your first BL and then what was your second?

How confused did they make you and around what aspects of the genre? 

I gotta ask, because the comments and chats on this post were so much fun. 

Feel free to comment or just rb with your answer. I promise I’m paying attention. 

Before you ask I genuinely can’t remember but I am pretty sure my first ones were: 

And I think it was that order. Until We Meet Again (still my favorite Thai BL) and Love Sick (the subs were SO HARD to find, do you remember? and so bad until Netflix aired it) and Make it Right and 2 Moons came along sometime after that and also I discovered the HIStory franchise around that time (they were all on YT back in those days). 

Crossing the Line was my first Taiwanese BL. 

Just Friends? was my first KBL (yeah that set up the WRONG expectations). 

Gameboys my first Pinoy. 

Addicted my first from China. 

And I think You Are Ma Boy my first from Vietnam (could be wrong on that one tho). 

Japan I actually watched a bootlegged copy of Takumi (yeah, the first one, shudder) way way WAY back but I didn’t know anything about it or that there would be/were more, so I just returned to reading yaoi and forgot about it. It was probubly Cherry Magic that got me paying attention to JBL again. (I’m so sorry Japan, I didn’t mean to neglect you for so long.) 

[boba-beom]

we did that too | k.th

pairing: taehyun x gn!reader (ft hueningkai) genre: angst | drabble warning(s): mentions of jealousy, mentions of trust issues word count: 953 note: unintentional sequel to this taehyun socmed. this has been in my drafts for quite a whilee

It’s been months since you last saw him, but it’s been weeks since things ended between you.

You didn’t think you’d be in this position so soon, hoping your relationship would have lasted longer if it wasn’t for the gossip and the immense pressure of trying to be the perfect couple. But it was difficult trying to please his band mates, constantly feeling like you had to go out of your way to impress them in order to accept you for being a superstar’s partner.

Though your thoughts were swallowing you whole, you almost forgot Hueningkai was sitting beside you in his music studio, casually scrolling through his instagram feed. You peered over his shoulder, watching him quickly scroll past a certain post which he thought it went unnoticed by you, but clearly he was wrong.

“Wait, wait. Go back up, what was that?” You had no intention to scare the poor boy beside you, but your voice managed to make him flinch ever so slightly followed by an audible gulp. “Sorry, but what was that post that you just skipped?”

“Are you sure you wanna see it?” He was hesitant, it was evident, and you were mentally asking yourself the same question. Were you ready?

Hueningkai swiped up to find the post that he didn’t want you to see, afraid of your reaction since he was very aware that you were still sensitive about your recent breakup. A small part of you questioned how Hueningkai was capable of having his two friends date, break up and still, he chose you over Taehyun. You scoff, eyes observing the photo as you see Taehyun being affectionate with what seems to be his new girl, out in the open, at one of your favourite balcony cafes that you always went to.

Your jaw clenched slightly, feeling a sharp pang in your chest from the way his smile was genuine, and you could see that. You remembered the way he used to always take you to that café a few times after you introduced him to the place, though that time you had to cover up and be discreet; careful not to attract the public’s attention.

It was the memories of him intoxicating your mind like it was just yesterday when he told you he loved you, his smile showing his teeth, displaying his prominent dimple that you grew to love. But it wasn’t you anymore. There was nothing but envy built up inside of you, feeling a grey cloud constantly hovering above your head as the first couple of tears stained your cheeks.

“Y/n, we can stop looking at that now. It’s irrelevant now.” Hueningkai gently rubbed your back, regretting even opening his social media while you were around.

“It’s okay Hyuka,” you force a chuckle, simultaneously pulling the weakest smile which was of no use. “At least he’s happy now, I guess. He doesn’t even have to hide her either!” Letting out a heartless laugh. You weren’t about to go on a rant about the differences between the way he treated you compared to his new flower, and if it wasn’t for Hueningkai comforting you he probably wouldn’t hear the end of it.

The room fell silent, apart from your irregular sniffles in one corner, you heard Hueningkai’s phone ring but he was quick to decline. Not even a second later his phone rang once more, and yet again you watched him decline it, flipping it over screen side down.

“Why aren’t you answering it?” You looked at him, and by his reluctant expression, you were able to figure out who exactly was calling. And there it was again, but this time he answered it before you would ask again.

It was him. You knew it was him. You could hear his faint voice through the phone, and though it was muffled, you hated how it immediately brought you some sense of comfort that you missed but what else could you do? His voice was soft, with a distinctive, joyful tone that he had nothing to hold back anymore, nothing to hide.

“I’m sorry about that, I’m gonna go in a little-”

“You’re gonna meet Taehyun aren’t you.” It was less of a question but more of a statement, and if Hueningkai was really someone you could trust he wouldn’t hide anything from you. Please, you were tired of people hiding things from you — of hiding you.

“Yeah, him and the boys have some new things to release soon enough and they want me to be there to... to celebrate.” There was that instant sinking of your heart. The heaving in your chest was an attempt to control your breathing. You knew how hard he had been working on this album and you were there supporting him through it, ready to celebrate with him once it’s all done, but all these thoughts in your head were becoming useless. Those promises were empty.

You shut your eyes momentarily, clenching your jaws and finding a stable breathing pattern. There was no use. Who were you to refrain Hueningkai to go see them? You had to understand that they were good friends and you met through Taehyun. It was inevitable that these things would happen and you just had to be the bigger person.

“It’s fine, enjoy. I’ll see you later.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll call you when I’m home- actually, call me if you need anything, okay?” His voice was gentle but with a hint of concern, and it would be wrong of you to be mad at him.

Your head hung low, you weren’t able to say anything else just from the thought of him leaving you to go to your ex. Resorting to a small nod of your head, you felt him rub your back in circles for the last time before exiting through the door.

Looks like everything always goes back to him.