#i still love 3h but i have fallen out of it a little. but it is my Most Beloved and i will come back eventually

[fe3h-incorrectquotes]

Hey. You doing ok?

hi anon 👋

i've been okay, yeah. overworked myself and burned out a little, but i'm okay.

probably still won't be back for a little bit, though. kinda exhausted myself when it came to collecting quotes and whatnot. maybe i'll fill up the queue with self reblogs again sometime soon so something's being posted.

sorry if i made you worry :]

[wordsandsound14]

Top 50 songs of 2022

This list has been the death of me lol. I have listened to this playlist fully three times (3h 16m long playlist) and made multiple changes and I’m still not 100% sure if it’s in the right order. However, there’s only so long I can rearrange this playlist to really make sure it fits with my opinions. I do feel like I have it placed well but that’s not to say that I’m still not iffy about a couple placements. I have to move forward tho and share the delight of music I have found. When I started the year end rankings, I think I was a little over 200 songs from this year and I dwindled it down some to about 120-ish (mostly finding my favorites from albums were those cuts) and another cut was at 79 before I made the final decisions to 50. Those last 79 songs were so hard to let go of and figure out which ones I’ll keep for the top 50. I’ve had other years be much easier than this one. I’ve had much fewer songs but last year, when I listened to more music, it was still easier than this. This year had some amazing songs get put out. So without further ado, here we go. This is my list.

50. Cowboy - deer scout

It’s a simple song; It’s acoustic and softly sung. And I just adore with how it is sung. deer scout’s voice is perfect for this stripped down track they created and the subtle nuances of this track is what carries it. The guitar twangs never get old and help guide the listener through the track. It’s over before you know it but its sound will be stuck in your head.

49. Gin Atomic - Townland

I love that this song is almost like an ambient indie song and then it brings out the rock elements. AND I’ll admit that it seems like a male vocal would come in but the female vocals fit the song so well. It just comes together so well to create a chill indie rock song. The drummer does a great job of holding this song together and keeping the song moving forward. Overall, just a well written song.

48. A Little Tune - Bret McKenzie

This track is so fun and cute. An appropriately named song that calls back to jazz that’s written with its title. McKenzie keeps the flow running so well with the different instruments and bouncy rhythm. It’s infectious, classy, and such a great time. It’s a song that could’ve easily felt too chaotic but it’s pulled together so well. This song also did unfortunately fall down my list a decent amount with more listens. It’s still a great song but I think its lack of memorability keeps it from being higher.

47. Gonna Lose - Built to Spill

This sounds a classic rock song taken straight from 70′s. It’s a well crafted song with an amazing guitar sound that drives the song forward. The vocals also greatly add to the effect of the whole classic rock sound. They are do a great job of making little changes in the song to add more to it and keep the listener engaged.

46. The Curse of the Blackened Eye - Orville Peck

My wife has fallen in love with Orville’s Peck country music. His silky voice is like a desert river and there’s something about his cowboy music that feels timeless already. This was my favorite song that I heard from him so far. It’s a simple bass line that he uses to bounce his melody on top off. There’s something about this song that can make me close my eyes and I can feel the wind pick up the dirt as it brushes my ankles as this song plays over the sunset over the orange, rocky horizon. Small patches of grass have never felt more real than this song.

45. Work Out - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

I love this little acoustic riff that plays through the whole song. It does a great job of creating room for the melody and rhythm. I will say that the 2nd chorus and switching the electronic sound is not my favorite but it doesn’t hurt the song that much, just thinking it’s a tad overbearing and doesn’t fit the best. But I can often ignore it because I love the mixing of the vocals and they blend so well with the sound they were wanting to achieve. It’s also perfectly depicts the feeling of lost love and how the two may still talk but it’s also admitting that it’s better over. It’s an interesting song for tackling this topic with good word choices and images.

44. Eisa Dancers - Mice Parade

That first note always sends some signal down my spine and I’m just transported to another place that I am supposed to relax but then the drums come in and it feels like finding peace within the chaos. It seems like a song not to meditate to but it ends up having that effect on me. And I love that about the time I feel like the track is getting repetitive for me, it continues to add another element to it that keeps my mind engaged. I do think the track carries on for a bit longer than it should but the diversity of the song makes up for it.

43. A Little Bit of Love - Weezer

I wasn’t expecting a song from Weezer’s “Spring” Ep would make it all the way to my top 50 but this melody has lived with me throughout all these months later. I was also really expecting for “Autumn” to be more my vibe but I don’t wanna take away from this song too much. It’s a catchy and light song that commits to its sound and it’s really endearing for doing so. I’ve really liked this song and get a smile whenever I listen to it.

42. Jennifer - Everything Everything

I’m still torn on how much of a fan I am of this band. Their last album was hit or miss for me. I saw this on my discover weekly and I just shrugged, “Sure it’ll come up eventually.” Boy, was I confused when I was really jamming and then I saw who it was. I love how infectious this melody is. The guitar guiding the rhythm well and the vocals being used so well, especially against the backing vocals. And another guitar guiding the atmosphere! This song just keeps climbing with its sound.

41. Chain Reaction - Joy Downer, Beck

I can’t tell you the giant smile that went across my face when I heard this song because it sounded like it came straight from a Shrek soundtrack. It has an iconic chorus with that light buzzing nostalgia guitar. It’s a dreamy song that’s focussed on the present and keeps you there. Whimsical is the word I think I would use for the whole track. I also really appreciate how much Beck takes a back seat on this song and only comes in places where it feels like the song needs it rather than feeling like a clout feature. It’s a well produced track that’ll live in my Shrek inspired playlist for years to come.

40. Barbed Wire Body - Movements

I feel so dumb for missing this song when it got released. I had to hear it through discover weekly (in November) and I thought they just released this song. Turned out I missed it and I missed out on a good song for not paying attention. To be fair, seeing if a band drops a single or if it’s pre-release for an album is getting harder and harder to tell the difference. I try to not listen too much of an album before its release and I end being cautious when new music drops. Oh well, can’t change the past but I can still enjoy listening to this song. It has reminded me how much I want more Movements music. Solid standard Movements track.

39. Do Your Worst - The Happy Fits

Remember Anberlin? This song will take you memory lane if you do. Especially with how the backing vocals sound. But the song structure and specific sounds they used all add up to what seems like a great sequel of that band. Too different to seem like a pseudo cover band of Anberlin but have a lot of the same elements. (Almost like if Anberlin and Creeper had a kid.) I haven’t checked out their other songs to see how much this rings true or if it’s just for this song but I can say that I'm hooked on this song.

38. Yellow - Tegan and Sara

Man, do I love the sound of those opening synth notes. This song is structured really well and utilizes the bass really well to move it in and out of those parts. Focussing on it really makes the chorus pop like it should when it comes around. The little production choices made also help paint the picture of this song well. It was a good find this year and I hope others can enjoy it also.

37. Almost Automatic - Good Looks

This song starts as a slow build and it kinda seems like it won’t be much of anything and then that chorus comes and changes everything. Good Looks took their time building the picture before unleashing their soaring chorus. It’s a carefully made song that I still get a little impatient for but the payoff is always there. This is the song that brought me to their album but they couldn’t top this amazing piece where you can feel the speakers slowly tiring out your ears.

36. Where Are You Now - Mary Gauthier

Back to being transported to the Wild West in a lonesome saloon with a handful of customers and this woman is playing this on the piano. The tonality of the piano is so perfectly chosen and I love its rich, country sound. The lyrics also have a very cowboy taste to them and everything fits the mood. Mary Gauthier has been making sad folk music for a while now and I only found her by reading her book. She’s been slipping through the cracks and has gone commonly unnoticed by generations younger than herself. I thought I would give her music a listen and really enjoyed her album “Mercy Now”. She then announced a new album this year and I gave it a listen. While the album barely didn’t make my album list, I knew one of her songs would since she knows how to make songs that the heart feels. While she did step away from the heart ripping songs, she still knows how to make a good song.

35. Chronicles (feat. H.E.R. & Lil Durk) - Cordae

I’m surprised that this song is so low on this list given that this rift of voices and acoustic guitar has played in my head all year long along with the vocal rhythm on the chorus. It was a re-evaluation of the verses that brought this song down, especially the line that references “turrets”. Kinda leaves a bad taste but the chorus is good enough to bring the song up. I also find H.E.R.’s voice really interesting and I love the feature of her on here. But really this song’s chorus really does carry it a long ways. Cordae is just a natural when it comes to flow.

34. With U - Soccer Mommy

Get the pinball machine ready with this indie rock track. I love the use of this sound but Soccer Mommy deliberately doesn’t make it overbearing. It’s simply used to enhance the chorus and smaller moments (outside of the intro) but it does its job well. It allows the chorus to expand in just the right way. While the verses are a little dull, I think they are well used to hold up the chorus for when it does hit. Allowing for all the magical elements to come in at that moment.

33. All I Wanted (feat. Mark Hoppus) - Avril Lavigne 

Avril’s new album disappointed in many moments but it doesn’t fail all the time. The lead single and this song are the magic that she was chasing. It’s a classic fun pop punk song and the choice to include Mark Hoppus was such a genius idea. He’s an insanely charming guy and his charisma is on such a great display here. Avril also plays a great part here and their voice mix well. It feels like a collaboration that should have happened a long time ago and I’m so glad that they nailed it with this song.

32. Bad Summer - Spector

I love the anticipation of this song and it starts with the first note. On first listen, the listener is left in complete wonder in where the song is going until that first chorus comes in. It’s a great song that knows what its little drone guitar-piano is doing (not really sure what instrument lol) but it’s wonderfully made to keep that tension there. The electric guitar layering is also super well done to add just enough depth to the track.

31. Meet the Moonlight - Jack Johnson

This is the ambient song that I’ve been wishing Jack would make that I thought would never happen. He tapped into that feeling of being underwater near the coast of a beach. Everything is still and saltwater surrounds every fiber of you. It’s a song that has brought lots of peace to me. It slows down time and asks me to let go of those emotions I so desperately want to hold on to. Let it go to the ocean. It will swallow it whole and you can still go back to the shore. Cleansing is what it does.

30. Adam’s Rib - Jensen McRae

The metaphor/lyrical approach used here is extraordinary. I love the imagery that this song invokes and her vocal performance is stellar. It hits you in the stomach and you can feel the desperation and passion. This is the part of life where love kicks you right in the chest and leaves you gasping. And I love that she manages to not sound clingy or problematic. McRae’s writing and performances are so well perfected, they are woven into her whole album and this song was one of the peaks for me.

29. Ohio Forever - Michigander, Sydney Sprague

Some folk songs hit you in your soul and this one was one for me this year. The two vocals blend so beautifully together and brings that wave of soft blue aura that feels comfortable to me. But this song adds that little bit of pink to add a sense of home within love. And when the bass finally comes in, it just fills the song. The electric guitar is a lovely touch too. Every instrument understands its part so well and creates an atmosphere that is calming to be in.

28. SKIN OF MY TEETH - Demi Lovato

This song’s first line of lyrics instantly captures my attention. Partly from how it’s phrased within the song and the composition lends itself to it. Partly because they’re saying the thing that we have been all thinking. The self-awareness has a shock value that I still can’t get over. I chose this song because of it’s shock value since a lot of these songs rock hard and it’s difficult to choose one. But Demi went all out on this album and this song really showcases it for me. Her vocal performance has a lot of emotion and proves why she has what it takes to be a pop artist on vocals alone. 

27. Fragments of the Decade - Death Cab For Cutie

It was difficult to choose the standout from this album because of how well crafted the majority of the album is, making great use of indie sounds. However, I have always been more inclined to the side of Death Cab’s long ambient songs. This is the one that captured me more. The thing about this song is layering it well and carefully. It feels like transporting the listener to another place/dimension/reality with the music. This song did just that for me. And the moment it gets to the bridge and it’s just the guitar and recordings of kids playing always gets me to close my eyes. 

26. Crystalline - Dakota Deyoc

The synth rock-pop has come again within this song. Having similarities with The Weekend, indie pop, and early electronic music. It’s a well crafted song that feels fully aware of its predecessors and makes sure to build upon those influences. I’m not gonna say that this feels like a new genre or like Dakota has broke onto a new horizon that he found himself but more like a perfected form between many genres. And the funny thing is that it's the vocal performance that really pulls this song through. It doesn’t seem like they are an amazing singer but they aren’t a bad singer at all. Rather, it’s the melody and the sound of the voice. It fits this genre/song so well and keeps the tonality.

25. Heavy is the Ocean - Bush

Damn, do I love Bush’s rock music now. Its post grunge guitar amps rattle the bones and a hard hitting drum set that bring you to the crowd in front of the stage. Head banging to these roaring guitars is easy and Gavin’s simple words that feel well suited for the music blends it all together. And while the song overall follows a standard song structure, it takes its time and doesn’t rush anything without it feeling like it’s taking too long. And I love the added chorus at the end right after the pause. Not many songs are able to get away with another chorus like that but Bush pulls it off. 

24. Girl From a Movie - Marketa Irglova

This song feels so magical to me. Transported to a fluffy forest and wading in the grass in the sunlight. Marketa has always had a very organic sound to her music and she continues to have that serenity within her music. And the melody of the chorus is what carries it for me. It feels like the perfect melody for a song like this and feels like the trees opening up for the sun. Almost like a polar opposite of the Frozen moment.  And the violin in this song is a perfect touch, adds to the peacefulness of the song and it’s mixed in well. It doesn’t ever take too much of a forefront but it does a great job of assisting the melody.

23. California Christmas - Switchfoot

I wasn’t really expecting a Christmas song on here at all. Usually these are in and out of the ear holes. But Switchfoot has a good knack for Christmas songs. In fact, they rarely miss on this forefront. This song feels like a perfect sequel to “interrobang” using their musical talents and songwriting on the front lines. But the chorus is really catchy and has been in my head ever since it got dropped. And the verses are so well made and Jon Foreman paints the perfect picture of what an American Christmas looks like. Love it or hate it but it's the reality. Yet,  Jon appreciates it all though and loves the warm Christmas. And the small mixing choices here all pay off well too.

22. Which of Us is to Blame? - Buffalo Hunt, Shakey Graves

Classic country but in an indie setting is rich for the heart. The guitar work on this song is lovely. Of course, it’s the tone and mood of the song that really carries this but they nail that with the two vocals working together to paint the picture. It was a little bit of a left field listen when I heard this on discover weekly but I welcomed it with open arms, enjoying the rise of classic country. Which I have really appreciated that this song commits to.

21. Bones - Imagine Dragons

It feels so weird to put Imagine Dragons on this list and this low. It’s a weird peer pressure thing cause we all make fun of the band now. Yet, despite all the bad publicity, this band still racks in tons of streams and listens. I think part of it is that we all like at least some Imagine Dragons songs but nobody can agree on which ones are good. I will hold my ground and say that this is one I like (tho Sharks was a close one). I’ll also admit that Mercury Part II wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t amazing but it was tolerable and had a handful of songs that I actually enjoyed. This chorus just hits too hard for me to pass it up. (and The Boys memes are hilarious to me).

20. Yeah, I Like You - Goo Goo Dolls

This riff is so simple but it already feels iconic with that perfect slam on the snare to start the song. Johnny’s voice is equally iconic and swings in with just as much presence. I also love the mixing on his voice and the doubling up on his voice on some verses that really helps bring different elements to the song. It really does feel like they are driving a car that won’t be stopped. It kinda sucks the rest of the album didn’t have this same drive but at leasts this song does. Oh, and the crunchy guitar and the synth on the bridge are really just icing on the cake. Right before the insanely catchy chorus.

19. Glitter - Daisy the Great

I really am interested just by the intro and then it kicks right into the song with a great rhythm. The two vocals and production of this song keeps the quality so high. The bass line is also *chef’s kiss*. Daisy the Great does an amazing job of creating an engaging song and understand songwriting really well. It gets me excited to hear what else they will put out. I didn’t get around to listening to their album so maybe that’s something I’ll do soon. But they are for sure on my radar now.

18. Daylight - Harry Styles

I’m not sure how much I should admit this but when this album first came out and I put it within my “Rotation” playlist. This song came up and I was a little confused. It sounded like a Switchfoot song from their pop years (2014-2019) but was one that was better that somehow slipped through the cracks. I then checked and it was Harry Styles and somehow that misdirection worked for me and this song became my favorite from the album. I love the fuzzy guitar he uses on it and the unique song structure that he uses, especially for a pop artist. I will say that I do remember this song catching my ear the first listens of the album, it just didn’t show up in my playlist for a bit before appearing suddenly.

17. Viva las Vengeance - Panic! at the Disco

I know it’s fun to shit on Panic! right now but this song was so promising and is so infectious. This riff lives in my head. I can’t escape it and it follows me around only to bring around the chorus (ya know, like a song does *facepalm*). But this song really is like finding the missing fossil that a museum has been missing and wanting for years. It’s unforgettable, catchy, and incorporates the best elements of new Panic! into a new era. And before anyone else says it because it’s been a thought I’ve had for a long time, this album sounded like Brendon made a Grease soundtrack. It all reeks of musicals set in high school and brings in those same musical elements of the late 70′s/early 80′s.

16. Commotion - Young the Giant

Young the Giant came into this year with a plan for their music. While I don’t think all of it landed, I would also agree that absolutely none of it was poor quality. I felt that there was a certain amount of character that they normally have that was missing. It’s like they slightly lost their touch but they are great musicians so they still made great songs. This song, however, has a country influence that I wasn’t expecting for them to embrace. It works really well and it trumps the other songs that feel more like singles that would catch a traditional indie rock listener more. But this song just continues to stand out to me and feels like a completely different band made it. It feels like a promise that Young the Giant will come back with another album that will redefine who they are better but the sound can’t be expected.

15. Drink Milk and Run - Hot Mulligan 

That scream at the beginning of the song really pulls my attention to the song. The song demands that you listen to it. And it doesn’t take long for the chorus to start and it’ll instantly have you shaking your head to the beat. It’s a song with a lot of energy and emo personality within it. And I love the line “Whoever said to pull yourself by the boot straps is a fucking joke”. It’s a song I heard a lot in November when I was helping build a holiday event and it sang in my ear the whole time. Really this whole song can be sang for my situation. Good emo song.

14. Matilda - PUP

PUP has nailed the punk sound that I love now days. It has some more brighter sounds, has a lot of energy, and is guitar driven. The verses are great, the chorus is great, and the whole song is a head banger. I said this on my album review but I’ll say it again, these songs are begging to be played live. And huge applause for the sound engineer for capturing their live sound so well. It comes through the headphones so well and really begs to be played louder and louder.

13. Magnificent - Oh Wonder

There’s some magic that Oh Wonder has over me that I can’t seem to find the practical way that they do the trick... if it is a trick. But they have some formula that gets me to love their music every time. Maybe it’s Josephine’s voice, maybe it’s Anthony’s production, or maybe it’s love for music and each other that comes through. This simple song feels effortless as they sing about the possibility of not meeting each other and where they would be now if they didn’t share names. Then it comes around to say that it wouldn’t be anything as magnificent as what they have now. Or effortless. It truly baffles me that this duo, while they have seen plenty of success, aren’t a household name. Their music never stops making a way into my heart and soul.

12. Florida - Wild Pink

The song opens with the melody on violin that it wants you to learn and remember. It feels like great foreshadowing of the rest of the song before the electronic elements start. Then the melody shifts to staggered piano chords as the violin becomes the accompaniment. Everything about this song just feels like it has a huge purpose. It’s ambient music feels like watching a sunset as this writer tells you about what makes them love being where they are. The country influence with the fiddle and second acoustic really does help bring that nostalgia tone out. It’s so well crafted that I had forgotten that this track clocks in right after 9 minutes. It does start to drag a little around the 5:30 mark but it really is only a little dip before it brings in that melody on violin again and rewarding you for sticking around in the humid air. Bonding with another human, ambition, and wondering about the future is what this song reminds me of. There’s so much emotion in this song that it kinda made other ambient tracks like it fall so short.

11. Strangest Faces - Bayside

Bayside has found their sound with Interrobang and continue of going down this road that allows their music to be hard hitting and memorable. It feels like finding a new band that’s up and coming but Bayside are veterans by this moment. They deserve so many more listeners if this next album is as good as they are making it seem like with this song. Punk combined with modern rock gives the band a sound that isn’t unique on the surface but they have earned their space within the realm by adding an energy that can’t be replicated. Strangest Faces is a promise that the best is yet to come.

10. High Hopes - Sweet Pill

While Paramore attempts their old sound with “The News” (I don’t hate the song but it doesn’t work as well for me), Sweet Pill has kindly already taken the job of modernizing that sound. The lead singer of Sweet Pill also has a powerful voice that can hold its own against other veteran acts. While this is a great feat in itself, it’s the songwriting that really sells it for me. I feel the band fully understands how to build tension and create these songs with more intention and artistry. The song doesn’t follow typical modern structures and they play with the dynamic moments well. It’s like the song is guiding them rather than the other way around.

9. Where Did You Go I’m Such a Mess These Days - Blue October

I knew it as soon as it came out as the second single. This was the Blue October I’ve been waiting to hear again. The verses are a little too stripped back but Justin’s lyrics are good enough to follow that it doesn’t bother me too much. The acoustic guitar and beat are bouncy so it’s alright. But it’s the chorus that fully surrounds you in the emotion that it’s wanting you to feel. It feels like a symphony really and it makes me want to hear this song with a whole symphony and choir with Justin in front of them. Those walls would be cleansed of any of the nasty sounds that may have fallen on them. The beat feels really well made for this song too and keeps the track a little lighter. But Justin’s production comes really handy here and I really hope he makes an album that sounds like this sometime.

8. Landlocked Surf Rock - Colony House

Rock and roll baby! This song fully embraces the coastal rock it’s one of the most fun songs they’ve made. It’s catchy and carefree but doesn’t sacrifice the music to get there. The drums and guitar combo really sell this song and keep the energy up. It’s a well crafted good time. It’s biggest downfall comes with the short run time but damn, this song is just too charismatic to really bug me that much. Hit that repeat button and let it roll!

7. Silence is Golden - The Beths

Another drum roll in! But the guitar takes control really fast by being in the forefront. The vocals keep up with the combo through the fuzz and energy. I feel what makes this song really work is just how easy it is to listen to while still feeling the impact from the song. There’s also a sense of urgency in it that is unparalleled. Nothing makes a sacrifice and it comes together with ease. The Beths had a live show in mind when making these songs and this is the best example from the album. 

6. This is Why - Paramore

What a comeback. Paramore proves they are veterans at this and aren’t messing around, especially with that bass line. But I love this as their first single as it feels so carefully made. Like it’s been on the computer for several months as they were perfecting it to make sure that the first song back is full of nutrition to bite into. This chorus hits exactly the way the intend it to. It’s catchy, rocks, and equally groovy and fuzzy. The verses are a little stripped back but I feel that adds to the anticipation to the song and Hayley’s lyrics are fun to sing to when you get a hang of a handful of words. I can say that this song feels like an instant classic for their discography.

5. Body Language - Mint Green

Now this feels like peaking too early. Mint Green cannot start their career with this song. How do you top a song like this one?! It has full understanding of a great song structure, when to go all out and pull back, and what instruments are  supposed to be in the spotlight or helping build the sound. The drums here do an amazing job of keeping the song on the right level at all times. But really the song is in full control of itself. And I cannot get over everything in the bridge and past that, those vocals are spectacular and I love what they have done with this song. It soars and it’s a high quality song.

4. King - Florence + the Machine

I’ll admit that the first half of this song is good and everything but the song doesn’t have its full impact until that little break in the middle. However, don’t ignore the first half. It’s careful to create the frame before the canvas is painted. It’s ranked this high for a reason. It still is important. The second half just has an energy that picks you up off the ground and has you hold up your flame of honor. Florence breaks into the “oh’s” and you feel every inch of it. Then the violin and a little quiet. And with this last chorus it, I feel you understand the full impact of what she is singing and you understand that it’s not a song to sing but one that must be sung. (I do wish one final chorus hit again but it’s alright).

3. Chloe - Father John Misty

The speakeasy era may have died but Father John Misty remembers. And this is the song that fully recreates that sound and commits fully to it. I really can’t stop playing this song or thinking about it. It’s so classic and I adore that he aimed as high as he could and took a shot. It’s an ambitious song that really nailed the execution. Even the big band elements coming in! Nothing was missed and I’ll be damned if I forget this song anytime soon. Bring on the small rooms filled with cigarette smoke.

2. Mr. Moralle - Kendrick Lamar, Tanna Leone

I think we all know that the bottom 3 songs of this album were some of Kendrick’s best music from this project. This is the one that caught my ear and it told me to remember it for this moment. Even after re-listening to this album, I still can’t help but choose this song as my favorite. Its synth pluck is constant, the bass line is active, and the vocal rhythm doesn’t miss a beat. The tonality of this song keeps its whole essence with dark tones and lyrics. I also 100% agree with where the song ends and love that it wasn’t dragged out or ended too soon. 

1. Window of the Waking Mind - Coheed and Cambria

Cue iconic sci-fi moment as Coheed comes in with their Magnus Opus. This song is incredible for being prog and fulfilling the ambition that Coheed has. Not one moment is missed. And that first line of lyrics brings the emotion needed after the dramatic opening. But really, this song is non-stop, veteran status musicianship and songwriting. I don’t know how many other album closers even *compare* to this one. I cannot begin to even explain what this song does for me. Every element is so perfectly placed and made. There’s so many small touches and unique techniques used that there is never a dull moment. With so many instruments and genres combined, there really isn’t anywhere higher to go. Especially with that ending that sounds like a “Empire Strikes Back” motif within their own melodies. Literally. Perfect.

[key201303]

Hey Key baby 😙 can you cheer me up with a cute seonghwa scenario. Completely up to you for the plot ..love you🥰 (and thank you)

Here you have it bb ❤❤ I really hope it helps you cheer up, you deserve to be happy ❤❤

Pairing: Seonghwa x reader

Genre: fluff, comfort drabble

Word count: 550 words

Warnings: None!

Plot: Finally the week is over and after you blurt out all your tension to your boyfriend, you get to sleep into his arms as he comforts you.

The dim light of the sunlight entering your small shared room, perfectly hitting the right spots of your skin to not wake you up, made a perfect atmosphere for you to snuggle into Seonghwa’s embrace a bit more, your eyes still closed as you were still far into your slumber. It has been a hard week, wherever you went or whatever you did, a new problem appeared. The tension your muscles have been dealing with in the past few days have finally begun to take its toll and you couldn’t help breaking into tears of frustration as soon as you arrived home and Seonghwa embraced you in a soft and caring hug. But now, after blurting all out and feeling clearly better, you have fallen asleep in Seonghwa's arms as you both watched one of your favorite movies.

From time to time, he would look down at you, making sure you were still sleeping and getting the rest you needed and deserved. His eyes whenever he met your sleeping figure were always soft and full of love and admiration as he asked himself why did you love him so much. Ever since you two started dating, he couldn’t understand what made you fall in love so hard with him. Little did he know, your reasons were the same as why he fell in love with you.

He would even take a few pics of your sleeping figure, deciding to add a few cute filters but then removing them because you already looked cute with no filter. And then, he will secretly set his favorite pic as his phone screen, the main reason why he wouldn’t let you use his phone in the next few days. He was too shy to admit before your eyes how in love he was with you.

Slowly, you began to wake up after a good nap of 3h, knocking him out of his own world. “Did I wake you up?” He asked sweetly but with a slight gleam of worry reflected on his glittering eyes. “You didn’t, don’t worry.” You said, giving him a soft smile to reassure him. “What time is it?” You added, rubbing your sleepy eyes and sitting on the bed. “Dinner time, are you hungry?” Seonghwa said, sitting on the bed as well. “To be honest, I am. I really am.” You said, laughing when your stomach talked for you, demanding some of his amazing food for dinner. “I would've had dinner ready but you were sleeping on my arm and I didn't want to wake you.” He said, laughing as well and getting out of bed, ready to lock himself in the kitchen and prepare a delicious dinner to replenish your strength. “You’re an angel.” You said, grabbing his hand and pulling him down into a soft kiss. You couldn’t explain how he was able to melt your lips into his whenever you kissed him, making you addicted to the fresh and fruity taste his lips always had due to the lipbalm he always used. “I love you.” He said against your lips, rejecting the option of stopping his kisses. “I love you too.” You answered right before he attacked your lips once again, this time with a deeper kiss but still full of love.

[glowingbadger]

ah, speaking of 3h characters i wish i could be gay for, could you do nsfw headcanons with ashe and a m! reader? i wanna top that boy heehee

Ugh Anon you are SO valid, Ashe would be just the cutest bottom~

Ashe (FE3H) x AMAB/Masc Reader headcanons

NSFW 18+

- Ashe may be one to be a bit surprised when he realizes he's fallen for another man- let alone how deeply he desires you. All of his classic knight's tales portray the idea of the hero with a fair maiden. So when he feels his pulse pick up and his body start to warm when he looks at you, and when he realizes his thoughts of you start to stray towards the erotic, he's a little caught off guard at first.

- One night, he finds himself restless and anxious, and tentatively begins to run a hand along the stubbornly stiff length of his cock- and he thinks of you. He imagines that it's your hand rather than his own stroking his twitching member. He imagines your voice, low and husky in his ear, telling him that it's alright- that he can cum for you whenever he likes. Most of all, he wonders what it would be like to give into his curiosity, to feel you pushing into his virgin hole from behind. Then, he whispers your name, his voice shaky and unsure, but his cock throbs eagerly in reply and it's not long before he spills his release across his abs. He can't stand to keep his attraction to you inside any longer.

- Your first time together, Ashe is clearly a bit anxious, but very eager and tender. His lips are so soft, and he lets out the most lovely little moans and sighs as you kiss him. His fingertips are of course a bit calloused from a bowstring, but his touch is gentle, adoring even, and his body is lithe but firm with toned muscle. Before either of you is even fully undressed, his hips subconsciously shift up towards yours. The sensation of his own hard and needy cock rubbing against yours makes him groan and sway his hips once more, eagerly seeking out that wonderful, heated feeling.

- Ashe definitely needs your guidance, but he catches on quickly and is eager to please. Given how reserved and polite Ashe tends to be in general, it's a wonderfully sinful sight to see him gladly spreading his legs beneath you, his cock bobbing and twitching as you coat your fingers in lubricant to prep him. There's still a bit of anxiety in his gaze as your fingertips press against his tight entrance, but his face is painted an adorable shade of pink, and his body shifts towards you as you begin to push into him with one finger, and eventually two. He's openly panting and gasping for you, precum already beading at the tip of his cock as you stroke his insides, stretching him out until he can take you.

- He actually takes the initiative to prop himself up on the bed and offer to spread the lube along your member. As you kneel over him, he's transfixed by the sight of your length swelling and hardening as his slickened hand pumps it steadily. Whenever you praise or encourage him, his face and ears burn red, and his heart thuds heavily with excitement.

- Once you turn him on his stomach and spread his ass with your hands (he has a really cute, firm and round ass), he does have a bit of trouble relaxing at first. But if you're nice and slow and gentle, and softly encourage him, he'll gradually be able to take more and more of your length into him. When you're finally hilted in his tight, warm ass for the first time, he groans and clutches the pillow beneath him, "It... it feels incredible... please- fu- fuck me..." It's hard to resist when this sweet, kind man beneath you begs like that, using language you'd never imagined coming from his lips.

- What Ashe lacks in experience, he more than makes up for in instinct, so as your hips begin to buck into him, he'll move his body in turn. He matches your rhythm naturally, squeezing around your cock and rubbing himself up and down your length until your both moaning and grunting with pleasure. But nothing gets him gasping and crying out for you quite like when you lean down over him and whisper lewd praises into his ear as you fuck him. When he hears you tell him how hot and tight he is around you, how he's taking you so well, he can't help himself- his cock throbs and he pours his load out over the sheets beneath him, not caring for a second about the mess he's made over the bed and his own torso.

- Of course, filling Ashe with your load is incredibly enticing- but I would argue it's even hotter to pull out at the last minute and shoot your release across his backside. By the time you're done with him, he's a panting, blushing, cum-soaked mess- and he's absolutely glowing with pleasure and satisfaction. Ashe loves to cuddle after sex, so as soon as he regains a bit of his physical strength, he'll turn to you at his side and wrap an arm around your midsection. Nuzzling against your neck, he murmurs, "That... that was amazing..." seemingly lost for any better way to express how positively fucked out and giddy he feels.

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Games of 2021

Due to the inexorable passage of time, it is nearly the end of 2021, which means it’s time for my yearly retrospective of all the games what I gone done played like. Managed 40-odd games this year, down from last year’s 80-something, but y’know. Real life and stuff happened. Video games! 2021 saw me become a Twitch affiliate, thus proving my sister wrong all those years ago- video games CAN make you money!!!! It also saw me fail to start any of my intended projects. How surprising. 2022 is the year of the Steam Deck, aka the Backlog Buster. I’m very very excited to get mine- we’ll see next year if I’ve actually played the damned thing or if I just put a load of emulators on it and then didn’t touch it afterward. To the list!

-

Pokemon Fire Red Randomiser Nuzlocke Trailing off from the end of last year, our pokemon journey came to a happy ending as we were declared Champion of Kanto. SugarHurt, Yellow, Daddyama, Goggles, Bootsy, and Swampbert enter the hall of fame, and the history books. A fantastic run and a great deal of fun, I can’t wait to do it again some day. - Pikmin 3 This is Pikmin Perfected, striking the ideal balance between its two predecessors, maintaining the pressure of the first game but in a much less stressful manner. The bonus mission modes are all enjoyable too- rare for me to enjoy these things but P3 got it right. - Fire Emblem Three Houses Phew, alright. I’ve spent four hundred hours in this game so far, currently halfway through my fourth run (of four). It’s fair to say I have fallen utterly in love with this game. It was the subject of many months��� discussion and debate with midgi who played alongside me, as we unraveled the mysteries of Fodlan together. 3H is a vastly different direction for the series and one they’re unlikely to replicate for future entries. I honestly have lots of thoughts about this game that exceed the scope of a write-up like this, but suffice it to say FE3H is my Game Of The Year. - Touhou 18 Went in with high hopes, having enjoyed the demo a great deal. Second half not as strong as the first half in my opinion, but still a lot of fun. I like that ZUN was honest and said he didn't actually put any thought at all into how balanced the ability cards are, but it really shows in Extra where you either get lucky with the random cards or you lose. It's a shame cos I like the Extra stage, but having certain runs just straight up give me three extra lives makes it frustrating when you don't get that. - Yooka Laylee Hmmmm, I kinda rushed my way through this one. A game that steadfastly and deliberately refuses to learn any lessons since 1999, it's really hard to review this. The bad parts are deliberately bad, and they are bad in a very authentic way, does that mean it was good??? I dunno. Ultimately I had a little fun with it but almost equally as much frustration, and I certainly didn't even entertain the idea of 100%ing it. - Gris (Some spoilers ahead) This was a tremendously effective and artistic depiction of grief. The most striking part of the game for me was the giant shadow bird- how Gris just utterly shut down when it first appeared, nothing she could do about it. Much later in the game, Gris has more powers and has grown and recovered so much, and the bird appears again out of nowhere... and she's just as powerless against it this time as she was the first. It's a striking moment because games won't usually do that and that is also true to how grief will suddenly knock you down even so long after you feel you've recovered. I truly wish they hadn't included the collectible achievement items as it only detracts from what is otherwise a great piece of art. - Hades Pyre is still my favourite Supergiant game, but at this point if Darren Korb handed me a bucket of broken glass and said "hey, I need you to eat this", I'd do it. GOTY (I'm allowed to have two, leave me alone) - Zwei Argh, it was a very very shaky Fin when I played it, and when I came back to it I just... couldn't. It's a gorgeous game, but between the horribly clunky interface, the poor camera, confusing directions, and baffling progression system, it was too much work for too little payoff. A real shame. - I hate this game I love this game! Hahahahaha sorry. Some really neat parallel thinking here, 100 rooms deep so it doesn't outstay its welcome. Decent chiptune soundtrack rounds off a nice little evenings-worth package. - Milo and the Magpies Really enjoyed my hour with Milo, it's another cozy fit for an evening. Very sweet and cute and charming. My BBLC writeup says it all. Strong recommend. - Kero Blaster The main game is great. The unlockable extra story relies a little too hard on bottomless pits and instakill mechanics and suffers as a result. Cave Story still the magnum opus, but Kero Blaster is worth a punt if you like retrostyle run'n'guns. - Metroid Dread GOTY (I can have three! Shut up!). Goodness, the entire internet has lavished praise upon this to the degree that I don't know what I can really add. I've only played through it once- I sorely need to get back to it and start doing speedruns. Holy crap, what a tour-de-force. Finally learning what became of the Chozo, after so long, and that WHOLE end sequence that I won't spoil. Damn! What a game! - Hollow Knight I certainly wasn't as taken with it as many seem to be, with a pile of frustrations keeping me from LOVING it, but overall I did have a good time with Hollow Knight. The boss fights are the main draw here, very challenging but the controls are SO tight and well-tuned that they still feel great to battle. only a few optional bosses crossed the line into bullshit. - The Swapper Enjoyable up to a point- it eventually became a little too pixel-finnicky for my tastes. Execution became so precise that it was hard to tell if I had the wrong solution or I was doing the right thing but slightly off-position. - Iconoclasts Haven't gotten back to it yet since writing by BBLC post. It's next up in line though! - Sin And Punishment Another one I haven't got back to yet. I actually haven't even written the BBLC post for it yet because I'm depressed! Oops! Maybe by the time I publish this I'll have put it out? [EDIT: I did! But I'm still two behind ;_;] - Pokemon Shield/Moon/X In an effort to combat seasonal depression at the start of the year, I made it a personal mission to complete a living pokedex, and so scoured all my old carts for blighters to port forward and fill any gaps. It was a nice nostalgia trip and I got to see all my fantastic nicknaming decisions across the years. - Master of Orion 2 I'm telling you, it's going to be on this list every year until the end of time. This year, I streamed it for the first time, hoping to catch a few flies in the web. Don't think anyone took the bait, but my offer stands, I'll buy you a copy if you have a genuine interest in trying it. - Touhou obviously I think I played all of them at some point this year. Someone made a neat package for the first five titles that makes it super easy to run them and They Just Work, which was very cool. I've played them before but the emulation was atrocious at the time, was nice to see them in proper glory. Th01 is really weird. - Donkey Kong Country (diddyspin) I only technically played this. It was for a project that hasn't seen the light of day yet. I wanted to start it in the summer, but alas it didn't work out. I'm still figuring out how to do this. We'll see if 2022 is the year. - Ocarina of Time It has aged far more significantly than a lot of people are willing to admit, and the fan-patcher is pretty much required at this point. It's still great and has an impressive command of atmosphere for an early 3D title. The music in the Spirit Temple still gives me shivers. - Final Fantasy 5 Four Job Fiesta I ran the FJF four times this year! First time was the Corona Two event raising money for covid treatment, a cause dearer to our hearts now than it was the first Corona event. I then ran the main event in the summer raising money for the PCRF and we raised over $100, which is FANTASTIC, and to celebrate I did a second run off-stream just for my own enjoyment. Finally, to celebrate the release of the Pixel Remaster, we ran it again in November, which is technically a different game but I'll lump it in here. The PR version is probably the best version out there, although we're still figuring out all its foibles and exploits. Hopefully by the next summer event, it'll be fully explored. PR is the version I'll be using from here on! - Pokemon GO As mentioned earlier, this was part of the effort to battle seasonal depression by completing a living pokedex. It also had the advantage of giving me an excuse to go for a walk in the cold, which definitely helps the brain. I'm not a big fan of the way the game works, but it did what it needed to do. - Wonderboy 2 I love this weird old game, nostalgically and otherwise. This year I wanted to try to recreate a glitch I remember my brother stumbling on when I was a wee babby, with limited success. I was able to replicate it using memory modification to force the issue, but obviously he didn't do that back in the day. Still a cool game that I recommend people give a try. It's pretty difficult but save states mitigate all of that. - Fire Emblem 7 Having run a Girls Only stream of FE8 last year, I wanted to do it again with my favourite of the FE titles. It's a lot more challenging in this game as you don't actually GET any combat-ready girls for quite a long time (in the main game at least), so I allowed use of the main Lord Eliwood as well. It's not like he's some super powerful unit who would break the challenge, so I didn't mind that small allowance. - Chrono Trigger Another game I played for the stream to share it with people who NEEDED to know. Chrono Trigger is widely heralded as one of the best games ever made, and I don't disagree with that assessment. It simply gets so much right, and what it doesn't get right is charming enough that it's forgivable. The love and effort and thought put into every single facet is palpable. - SIF / SIFAS SIF is a game that means a great deal to me, but its heyday is long past. SIFAS is a game that I wanted to try again having bought a new phone that can actually handle it without crashing, but I still just don't really get it. Regardless, you're probably going to see both of these games on next year's list. - Metal Gear Solid 2 This is a game I played hundreds of times as a teen, and I'm very familiar with it and have a nostalgic fondness for it. Going back to it these days it's a little hard to recommend, too busy trying to tell a completely nonsensical story to linger on the actually fun parts of the gameplay. It seems like you spend just as much time skipping cutscenes as you do playing the game. It's also just as guilty as the others in its treatment of women and the general sense of grossness is far more off-putting as an adult. What I'm saying is, I had fun with it but I am not at all going to try to convince anyone it's good. It was a very important game in the history of such things, and an important game for me, but I don't think anyone going back to it will have a good time. - Grand Theft Auto Vice City Not the re-release. Every so often I get the urge to fly across the city in a helicopter to the tunes of VROCK radio station, and the rest of the game is fun enough that getting to that point isn't too much of a chore. But really, just flying over the city, between buildings and under the bridges and over the beach, all to a fun 80s rock soundtrack... it's hard to beat that feeling. - FE3H Girls Only Still working on this, of course- it's a long game! We'll be playing this well into 2022. I really hoped playing this would gather a bigger audience, but oh well. As long as the audience I do have is having fun, it's worth it. - Touhou Danmaku Kagura Touhou rhythm game! It just seems like such a no-brainer, taking a series known for its killer original soundtracks AND the absolutely uncontrollable fanbase producing endless rearrangements, and making a rhythm game based on that, doesn't it? Alas, me and gacha games just don't seem to be compatible, especially this one. Top marks for not tying progression to gacha rolls- every single song is available to play from the start, and you can ignore the mobage aspects entirely if you want- a very cool touch that garners many bonus points, and I'm sure was one of ZUN's stipulations to secure his cooperation. But then there's no sense of progression, and that's a killer for me personally. Events are also handled weirdly, the prize being an exclusive card for a girl who wasn't featured in the event... I stuck with it for a while but eventually realised I was just playing it because I felt I should be, rather than because I was having fun. That's when it's time to stop. - Kokurase 2 + 3 Chapters two and three of a cool RPG maker game, this is unfortunately a story that is likely never to be finished, as no translation studio seems interested in picking up chapter 4. Chapter one is a closed story worth playing by itself, and the next chapters were good for what they are. - Final Fantasy 4 The Pixel Remaster of my personal favourite FF game, this absolutely blew my socks off. Soooo much better than the 3D remake and for my money the GBA remake too. That remastered soundtrack is just phenomenal. I'd love to share this on stream some day. - BMX XXX This gamecube game was universally panned at the time of release and I was always fascinated by it, so having discovered a recent love of aquatic mammals I took a look. Good gravy, it's truly abysmal- an utterly fetid turd of a game. The attempts at humour are pathetic, feeble and embarrassing. Holy Dooley, it's worth playing for all the wrong reasons. - Metroid Fusion I wanted to play through this before Dread to catch back up with the story, but I was too slow and ended up finishing it AFTER Dread instead, so now canon states Samus forgot her computer was called Adam for some reason and had to relearn it. Fusion is great. I understand the criticisms but it's great. - TF2 This year I sold all of my inventory, intending to quit wholesale, and instead discovered that selling all my junk was actually quite liberating and brought back some sense of the Old Days of TF2. Plus I made $100 of steam credit towards my Deck! I still didn't get that one hat I've wanted for nine years though. The botpocalypse brought ruin to the Halloween event, with spinbots everywhere, but they all spam an absolute tune over the voice chat so I didn't mind. - Diddy Kong Racing Both the N64 and DS versions, which I guess are technically different games. The DS version really suffers badly with touchscreenitis. The second race isn't even a race, it's an autoscroller! I quickly jumped ship back to the N64 version, which is wayyy too easy except when it isn't, in which case it's wayyyy too hard. Very odd balance. - Baba Is You Haven't made it back to this one yet since my BBLC stream, but I kind of want to save it for my Steam Deck. It feels like such a great fit for a handheld. - Donkey Kong Land 2 On the recommendation of Supper Mario Broth, I gave the Gameboy version of the best DKC title a go. It's pretty good, surprisingly authentic, and I keep tripping myself up remembering where the secrets are only to be reminded that the level design has been altered for this version and the things I remember being there are in fact no longer there. Quite tricky to unlearn such things. - Bins: REVOLVER 360 Nimbatus Ninja Pizza Girl Turok Final Fantasy Adventure Bit Trip Runner Soul Axiom

[radramblog]

Ultimate^2

Super Smash Brothers Ultimate has finally unveiled its final DLC character, with reactions ranging fully across the spectrum. Hot takes abound.

I mean, statistically, just about every possible opinion is going to be represented. There were at least 500,000 people watching the reveal stream, and that’s not including those viewing through restreams. That’s insane for a trailer of any kind, let alone for a console-exclusive video game DLC.

Now that it’s been like… a day and a bit, I think most of the spciest takes have probably been made, which is the perfect time for me to chip in with my own milder opinion. More of a butter chicken, really.

(no images in this one i’m lazy tonight)

I figure I’m this late already, might as well drop some notes on the other ones first.

Piranha Plant was kind of the definition of an unexpected pick. Not only was it from an already well-represented franchise, being fucking Mario, it’s also just…not a character. As such it makes an odd choice for a DLC fighter…except for the part where it was free. If you owned the game in its first month. And frankly, I don’t think people would have been happy if it wasn’t. As it is, though, it’s a perfectly fine character- surprisingly cute, actually.

I’m unsurprised about Joker’s inclusion. With how huge Persona 5 became in both Japan and the west, capitalizing on it to make a shitload of money makes perfect sense. The character plays well enough, though the meter gimmick was kind of a daunting sign of things to come. All that in mind, though, the most surprising thing about Joker being in the game is that they still haven’t put P5 on the Switch. Atlus please.

Hero and Banjo/Kazooie were announced on the same night, and I distinctly recall someone saying that this was one for the Japanese audience and one for the Americans. I mean, I’ve never played Dragon Quest, so I guess I fell into the latter? Both series have a long, well-regarded pedigree (Banjo’s lack of recent offerings notwithstanding), so both arguably deserve their respective positions. Hero is the much more notable character gameplaywise, though, with the incredibly complex mana and spellcasting mechanics. Complaints about RNG in Smash aren’t completely unfounded- though it has existed in the past in the form of, say, Luigi’s misfiring side-B- but I know a lot of people think Hero took it too far. If I’m honest, though, the weirdest thing is just having Akira Toriyama-ass 3D models in the game. Banjo’s gameplay is…awkward. The kit is kind of a mess, but at least the gimmicks weren’t going too hard, you know?

Next was Terry, perhaps the most obscure character on the entire list in 2021. I actually really like Terry in this game- while he’s still trying to emulate a similar feel to Ryu/Ken, the difference feels more natural, if that makes sense. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really devoted significant time to them, but Terry’s kit feels easier to work within than the Shotos when going between characters.

Finally for the first Pass, we had Byleth. I think it’s for the best that they announced the second Fighter’s Pass before this released, because if both 4 and Ultimate had ended their run on Fire Emblem DLCs then people would have been pissed. I mean, people were already pissed, but like…moreso. As someone who has played Three Houses, I do think the game is worth celebrating, but having yet another Fire Emblem Protagonist (read: basically a blank slate) in the game over all the substantially more interesting characters 3H has to offer is just really frustrating. Also the final smash looks like dogshit, like FE3H has overall worse animations than Smash for obvious reasons but I’m pretty sure this attack looked better the first time around.

FP2 opened with Min Min, which brings ARMS to the table. ARMS. The only first-party fighting game Nintendo has outside of Smash, so it looks a bit less weird next to everything else but…come on, man. I think this was the most confusing pick of all of them- the game came out in 2017, and having Min Min in Smash would serve as promotion for a sequel…which hasn’t been announced. There was a graphic novel in the works, but it was cancelled earlier this year. Oops? At least the stage was fun.

As much as playing them is awkward and complex, the Minecraft addition was fitting. Only the best-selling game around. I think people weren’t sure if Microsoft would go for it, but they let us have Banjo, so sure. I’m mostly just annoyed that they couldn’t get any of the songs from the actual game in there- like, you got one in from the fucking mobile game, but you couldn’t just get C418 on the phone?

Sephiroth is definitely one of the hype-ier releases from this pass. The character is iconic, as is his theme and his home game. I’ve never played any Final Fantasy game, but I can still respect the name. Once I remember how to spell it. The whole bossfight aspect to his release was also quite cool, while it lasted.

On the other hand, I have no love for Pyra nor Mythra. There’s so much wrong with these ones, frankly. They’re another swordy character, immediately following Sephiroth too, and they go back on Smash’s very deliberate decision to split characters like Zelda/Sheik and Samus/ZSS up (Yes I know Pokemon Trainer does the same thing but I have a lot more leniency for them). Add in their being from a JRPG much less well-known or remembered than the previous couple characters and the designs being…questionable, I have a big issue with the whole thing. This was also around when I kinda stopped playing the game in general, and they definitely didn’t help pull me back in.

Kazuya might have, though. With the exception of him and Sephiroth, all the characters from the Fighter’s Passes were pretty much protagonist-types, but this motherfucker pulses with the essence of bad guy. What I’m saying is that he’s fucking cool, and while he’s ludicrously complex, that makes perfect sense since…I mean just look at the combo lists from Tekken 7. His inclusion also kinda rounds out the list of biggest fighting game franchises out there being rep’d in the game, though I imagine now I’m going to have stans from Mortal Kombat or whatever on my back. They’re not going to put a fatality-capable character in Smash, guys!

Finally, this rounds us around to the original point of this article. Let’s talk about Sora. And by that I mean…I don’t really have a huge amount to say about him. Kingdom Hearts is a franchise that completely passed me by growing up, and I don’t think I have the time or energy to devote to it now. I’m sure it’s good, people seemed really excited for him to be in the game so they have to have gotten that love from somewhere, but I don’t share that feeling.

That’s not to say that I don’t think he deserves a slot. The idea of “deserving a slot” in Smash Bros is kind of an odd concept, even though it’s come up a lot so far this post. But a slot in this roster isn’t just a place in a popular fighting game, because at this point, Smash is kind of a museum of (mostly Nintendo) games- and so having representation is a forever acknowledgment that the franchise is, or has been, an icon to so many. Kingdom Hearts, to my knowledge, has 100% earned that position, and so Sora getting to be playable here makes perfect sense. He wasn’t my pick (Touhou representation never I guess), but I’m happy for those who wanted him.

As far as the actual gameplay looks, he reads like a character that kept in mind what people didn’t like about Hero when he released. It’s another sword-based character, which I think at this point speaks more about the demographic of video game characters than it does about Smash. But I appreciate that the Magic Bullshit is toned down, and that it���s also his only real gimmick (The 3-hit combo feature is A Thing, but other characters e.g. Bayonetta have already done that, so whatever). His recovery potential looks patently absurd- like he just gets Pikachu/Pichu’s Up-B as a Side-B that can also be chained with his actual Up-B? This guy better be light as hell or he’s going to be super hard to take out. I dunno, I think he looks solidly fun enough- more dynamic and aerial than the other swordfighters, at least- and that’s good enough for me.

And I guess that marks the end of Smash Ultimate. Not with a bang, but with a key…dude. It’s been a very solid run, the game managing to keep itself fresh across several years of development, even as other games have risen and fallen. Smash is kind of forever at this point, I think, though the finality of Ultimate’s ultimate character implies that this particular iteration may be coming to its end. And seeing as it is always one Smash per console, I wouldn’t be shocked if the Switch itself was nearing its endgame as well.

Okay but also it’s pretty funny how they heavily censored everything Disney out of Sora’s DLC except for that little Mickey charm on the trailer, like how much must that one shot have cost them, was it even remotely worth it, I don’t know but I kinda want to

[fire-emblem-drabbles]

how about.. “i love you” number 16 and/or 6, with caspar? (with the reader being not byleth)

Pairing: Caspar x reader

Prompt: The way you say I love you “On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, the late sunlight glowing in your hair”

Description: Though the war in Fodlan was over, it’s people were still suffering the consequences of fighting. With Caspar, you could give them the help they needed to get started again. Traveling with him through out all of Fodlan was simply a bonus.

Rating: sfw

Content Warning: post black eagle ending, I doubt I have to tag 3h spoilers but I will, general cuteness

Word Count: 871

Notes: went with 6 bc 16 felt… hm, a little too much? This was a lot of fun to write! For some reason I was all nervous and fluttery when I wrote it but it came out super cute!! I like it!

Edited: 6/4/21; finally, a recent fic. This won’t take much at all hehe

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You never thought you would get to experience serenity like this ever again. When Edelgard and the Professor finally brought to end a war that was pushing nearly 6 years, you felt like it was the first real breath you had taken since your monastery days. But with the war coming to an end… you found you didn’t know what to do with yourself. 6 years of fighting and its over, just like that…? If you weren’t a solider, what were you then?

Right now, you supposed you were much anything at all.

“Hey, _____, you’re spacing off again!” Caspar waved a hand in front of your face, smiling widely as you blinked and were brought back to the present.

“Sorry Caspar.” You laughed a little as you shook your head. He helped you remember that it wasn’t important who you were. You didn’t need to be anybody in this life, so long as you were true to yourself and your values. “Was just… lost in the past, is all.” You said absentmindedly, looking ahead to the rugged path before the two of you, eyes far away once more.

“Hey, you don’t have to worry about that any more,” His voice was soft, pulling you once more from thoughts of bloody battlefields and fallen friends. “That fights, its over. Edelgard and the Professor are going to make sure of it, and make sure Fodlan stays peaceful as a whole! It’s our job to look out for the little people, though.” You smiled at his enthusiasm. In the months since the war, you and Caspar had simply been wondering around Fodlan, helping those who needed it; sometimes that meant fighting off bandits who threatened those who were trying to rebuild their lives, other times it meant healing those people, rebuilding their homes and making sure they could stand on their own two feet. Today, though, it was just the two of you.

“You’re right Caspar. I guess I’m just a little melancholy today.” You laughed softly as he frowned, trying his best not to pout. “Don’t let it get to you, I’ll be okay!” You assured, making sure to smile for him.

“N-No its not that…” He sighed, shaking his head. “I know you’ll be okay, you always are.” He looked up, seeing the sun hanging lowly in the sky. The two of you were in southern Fodlan, in what use to be the Empire, so it would still be a while yet before the sun set.

“Hmm… we should probably hurry and find a nice place to camp, huh?” You hummed, giving a brief look around the area. It was all rather flat and sparsely, wooded. You were getting closer and closer to the coast, after all.

“_____?” Caspar called out your name once more. You turned to him with shining eyes, the sun catching your hair and eyes in such a perfect way, his words caught in his throat a moment.

“Caspar?” You responded. His name had never sounded more sweet coming from your lips. He was frozen a second, over come with emotion as he looked at you.

“I love you…” It was more admitting to himself than you but your eyes still widened at his whispered words.

“Excuse me?” You blinked, watching as Caspar went from mild shock to full on glee.

“I love you!” He exclaimed, scooping you up in his arms and spinning you around in the late summer sun. “I’m in love with you _____!” He cried out, laughing as he replaced you on the ground. He was all grins, as if you had already returned the gesture to him.

“Caspar…” You laughed as well, too caught up in his happiness to even begin expressing your surprise. “You’re awfully silly, you know that? I haven’t even told you how I feel and you’re already celebrating.” You teased. Caspar remained unfazed, smile never faltering from his face.

“Oh well… yeah.” He merely laughed sheepishly. “I just got so excited I kinda forgot.” He admitted, now looking into your eyes with great interest. “So… do you?” He said softly, blush dusting his cheeks as his hands still rested on your hips.

“Of course I do!” You exclaimed in return, your arms finding way around his neck to hold him tightly. “I’ve loved you for so long, I’m so happy you feel the same!” You laughed into the crook of his neck, nearly shaking in your excitement as Caspar joined in your laughter and rocked with you in his arms.

“This is great! I’m so happy!” Caspar couldn’t help his yelling and you couldn’t help your grin. “I’m so happy that you were the one to travel with me, _____.” He calmed a bit, smiling as he spoke to you seriously for a moment.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’ve always just wanted to be by your side.” You laughed watching his features light up.

“I wanna stay by yours, too!” Once again, the two of you held each other close, merely soaking in the others touch for a long moment. With Caspar by your side, and you at his, all you had all you needed to be happy and content; no purpose, nor identity needed.

[iturbide]

Character Breakdown! - Marianne 💖 and Dorothea

MY GIRLS

How do I feel about this character?

I love her.  I love this gentle girl who has gone through so much pain and hardship, who’s lost her parents to what she believes is a curse that she shares, who is afraid of herself as much as she fears the hatred of those around her.  I can’t tell you how many times I started talking to my screen while going through her supports, because you’re wrong Marianne you do deserve happiness you are good at things I believe in you even if you don’t believe in yourself.  She’s very relatable, honestly, with her shyness coupled with self-deprecation as a defense mechanism to keep people away, not to mention the deep depression; again, mental health issues are generally a taboo thing in media, so I was more than a little shocked when I got her A support and realized just what she’d been praying so fervently to the Goddess for.  But I also love that about her: she held strong, and she made it through to a better place, which is such a wonderfully hopeful story for anyone with similar struggles, showing that things can get better if you just hold on.  

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

I have an answer this time and technically I spoiled it in an earlier character breakdown.  Because it’s Dimitri.  I love these two broken people and the idea of them managing to support each other, using one another as an anchor to keep from falling further and slowly pulling themselves back out of the lonely places they’ve fallen, both with the other’s help and with the other in mind.  I think they would make a wonderful pair since they understand the other’s struggles so deeply, and I’m aiming for their paired endcard in my AM run in progress.

Also, not gonna lie, I do low-key ship her with Hilda because cotton candy girlfriends.  I just think they’re sweet and I love how Marianne laughs in their A support, how bright and open and cheerful it sounds.  It just does my heart good.

Who is my brOTP for this character?

Marianne deserves to have so many friends.  Aside from Claude (who is friends with just about everyone, this is non-negotiable with me), I really love her supports with Ignatz, and how he’s so gentle in coaxing her out of her shell and reassuring her that he enjoys sharing time with her.  They’re sweet, and I love their friendship dearly.  Also, surprisingly, Lorenz is another one who comes to mind; their A support was one of those that hit me right in the heart, and the fact that he’s so conscious of her feelings and urges her not to force herself to talk about things that upset her makes me think they would be very close friends, with Lorenz looking out for her and even running casual interference for her when she gets overwhelmed before inviting her to tea so she can calm down.

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

Okay so I know that Fandom loves the idea that Marianne is Berkut and Rinea’s kid.  And my unpopular opinion is that that is a terrible, terrible thing to do to her.  

It’s not that I don’t find the idea appealing, because in all honesty, I do.  The notion that Berkut and Rinea, or some reinarnations of them, had another chance in Fodlan and fell in love and had a daughter is delightful, and I would love to see it.  But let’s not forget that canonically, Marianne’s parents disappeared and are presumed dead, deeply traumatizing her and leaving her terrified of her own Brand and the monster she might become.  After what happened with Berkut and Rinea in Valentia, having them meet a fate that scars their daughter so utterly in another land and another life is utterly devastating, so I would much, much rather have her parents be anyone else than see these lives destroyed again and in the process destroy their child’s peace of mind.

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

Okay so this is maybe a weird one but I wish she could appear in every route even if you don’t recruit her.  Because I obsessively collect every student I can recruit in my own runs, I’ve had to do a fairly substantial amount of digging for fic writing purposes, but everywhere I look for non-VW runs...you don’t see Marianne.  She doesn’t appear at Gronder in AM, nor does she appear at Myrddin or Derdriu in CF.  And while it’s entirely possible that her absence has a benign cause...well, if you’ve read her Supports, there’s a far more likely, far more dire explanation -- and that thought breaks my heart like little else.  So I wish she could have appeared somewhere over the course of non-VW routes, just so that we can see she made it through her depression and found something to cling to.  Even if it does open up the possibility that she might fall on the battlefield, the idea that she might have fallen outside it where no one could see or know hurts somehow worse.

and of course the diva herself

How do I feel about this character?

Glorious.  Stunning.  Inspired.  Dorothea is a phenomenal character, someone who I endlessly enjoy seeing and talking to through the game.  She’s cultivated this perfect image of herself for the monastery to see, but as you get to know her the truth is so heartfelt: while she comes across as just a girl looking to find a husband during her time at Garreg Mach, she came from nothing, enduring abuse during her life on the streets of Enbarr before she was found by chance and brought into the Mittelfrank Opera Company; she’s terrified of going back to that when her looks and her voice no longer pass muster, and she’s looking out for her future with a keen and critical eye, even though she has no real expectations of finding love through it.  And this can all come out before the timeskip, no less: afterward it’s...honestly a little heartbreaking, to see how deeply the war has affected her.  

While Marianne has found something to fight for and managed to get her depression in check, Dorothea has gone in the opposite direction, seeming to succumb to depression instead.  The war has had a dire effect on her mentality, such that she feels it’s stripped her of all but the ability to survive (”only thorns left on this rose,”) and so many of her lines and comments just feel bleak and lost.  There aren’t that many characters in 3H who really embody the impact that war can have on people, because so many of the characters are stepping up specifically to fight for what they believe in and holding strong to their resolve for the sake of their loved ones and their homes.  Dorothea is the standout example of someone who’s fighting just to make this all stop, because she can’t take it anymore.  The war affects her so deeply, in ways that it doesn’t seem to hit other students, and I end up feeling like she more than anyone is at risk in the War Phase because of it. 

Her character is just very raw and very powerful in surprising ways and I love her.

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

hhhhhh

it’s Lorenz okay

It’s always been Lorenz and you know what I’m already under the cut so just skip to the next header if you don’t want to read my long rambling explanation of where the fuck this comes from.

So in my first playthrough (Golden Deer forever), I spent...roughly 170 hours getting to the end.  This is almost entirely because I played on Normal mode and did an endless number of auxiliary battles grinding supports between all the characters -- and since I did, in fact, go the extra mile of recruiting every single student and professor I could in my first playthrough, I had a lot of characters to work with.  (I actually still missed out on some because I didn’t unlock their C’s soon enough -- Marianne with Ashe and Ingrid with Annette didn’t get unlocked until my next run since I knew what to look out for.)  This is a big part of how I ended up liking Lorenz in the first place: I worked through all his supports this way, and saw the full measure of him rather than just writing him off after how rough his C supports were mostly across the board.

Out of all his different supports, though, there were three in particular that stood out to me: Leonie, Mercedes, and Dorothea.  With Leonie, he learned to relax his strict notions of separation between nobles and commoners and accept the idea of friendship with her as equals.  From Mercedes, he got rightly scolded about treating commoners as beneath his notice and unworthy of consideration where marriage was concerned, and rightly corrected when he floated the idea of marrying her since it continues to fall in line with valuing nobility and Crests over personal character.  And in Dorothea, he absolutely met his match: not only is she someone who has near-identical motives in her quest for a spouse (not necessarily looking for romance so much as the perks that come with an advantageous marriage), but she’s someone capable of playing him directly, playing his emotions to reveal the folly of his mindset.  The way he laughs in their A support...I don’t think he laughs like that anywhere else.  It’s open and it’s earnest and it’s joyous, even as he concedes that she has utterly bested him.

And that, really, is what sold me on them.  Having grown so much over the course of those years, having met so many people who affected him and broadened his view of the world, when Dorothea bested him at his own game, I think he really did fall for her in truth, rather than just admiring her beauty and her craft.  In the end, both of them get everything they wanted and more: Dorothea gets the reassurance that she’ll be taken care of for the rest of her life, Lorenz can boast if he wants about marrying the star diva of the Mittalfrank Opera...but more than that, they’re equally matched as partners, both bringing different strengths to the table to improve conditions in the Alliance for everyone (and especially the commoners), and able to engage in productive back and forth with one another, challenging the other thoughtfully and coming to agreements and compromises on good terms.  I love how well-matched they are and how well their personalities play off each other and I think that they could have an incredibly powerful, productive partnership.

...also I totally ship her with Petra too because their supports are fantastic and also Petra is wonderful and deserves the best.

Who is my brOTP for this character?

Ferdinand von Aegir.  I love their supports so much and how he goes out of his way to try to understand her perspective, and changes her understanding of him as a person in the process.  She understandably has things to work through, given their history and her own misconceptions about him back then, but I love the idea of them banding together as dear friends who do their best to support each other as best they can.  Also, Dorothea and Bernie is a delight, and I love the idea of Dorothea keeping in touch and helping to draw Bernie out of her shell bit by tiny bit.

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

Are.  Are there popular opinions about Dorothea?  I actually don’t see that many character impressions about her: most of what I see is fanart, and it mostly seems to be because she’s pretty.  I guess if I had any unpopular opinion, just based on the way I usually see her on my dash, it’s that she’s a whole heck of a lot more than just a pretty face: she’s cutthroat when she needs to be, incredibly capable as a fighter as much as a singer, and would probably make an excellent spy if the situation called for it.  I don’t think it’s fair that she’s treated mostly as eye candy when the truth is that her character is so much deeper than shallow beauty, both before and after the timeskip.

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

This is silly but I wish we could have heard her sing more.  The only real song we hear from her if I’m remembering right is in her supports with Edelgard, where she improvises a few lines about the Empress-to-be.  And her voice is glorious!  I would have loved to hear her sing more, rather than getting so much from Manuela (which was...pretty painful, honestly, I do not care for her singing voice at all).  Especially considering how important singing is to her, not just as a former opera diva but just as a part of her life in general, it feels like a shame that we couldn’t hear her sing more throughout the game, either in her Supports or even in the choir sections at the monastery.

Give Me a Character  

[yandere-sins]

Byleth is probably the best yandere in 3H tbh, no matter what happens, they can always use divine pulse to correct their mistakes when it comes to wooing/manipulating their daring

Oooh, you might be on to something there! I can totally imagine them using it to both short-term manipulate their darling and also long-term! It’s like super-efficient wooing lol

Just imagine your otherwise quite stern teacher starts comforting you over your past and tells you how much they feel for you, understand you. How could you not be happy with someone at your side who still accepts and takes their time out of their busy schedule to support you and keep you company? Little do you know that Byleth is just able to be quite so empathetic because they have overanalyzed you, tried out all the possibilities until they found the one to make you happy and look at them so adorably. They’ll even forgive you the few times they made you so unhappy to the point of swearing at them or worse, but they won’t forget. They’ll just keep it in their mind until they have the time to punish you for your crimes that never happened - in your reality.

What about all the times they managed to surprise you with things you told them once, but never actually told them? It did make you really happy to get that flower from your hometown. The same hometown you never told anyone about but hey - lucky grab! And your favorite dinner? They have been serving it in the dining hall at least once a week. But it’s been adjusted with a new spice and you hadn’t been aware they even possessed that spice that you had once tasted on a travel through a city and fallen in love with. Something long forgotten and in the back of your head. All the food is quite unusual for the region but you knew Byleth secured a travel route for merchants just a month ago, that carry the ingredients. So you make a note to thank them later.

And yet, you have the feeling something is wrong when you talk to them. It’s hard to explain for you, but you get headaches after a while of chatting them up, and the feeling that all that you just told them is something you had already told them before. You get irritated and their questions way to invasive, but you can’t help but answer because they pack them so nicely as if they knew how to press out the information. Suddenly, talking to them isn’t really fun anymore and you can’t wait to get away.

At least you won’t remember that specific feeling of running away, just seconds after thinking about it, and the chat begins anew.

[swordwife]

hi so I know I never talk about my ship with Lorenz or th.ree houses in general you know why but I want to talk about a Scenario that has been plaguing my thoughts for some time now. doing this in bullet point format because I can.

So first I should offer some context for what’s going on with 3h Seyiku. She actually isn’t a student, but is instead an assistant in the infirmary there’s a lot more to her Lore but i’m not getting into it here

Sey has a complicated relationship with Lorenz. Thanks to her status, it wasn’t long before he approached her with the intent to get to know her. She didn’t take this very well and said some choice words in return. Lorenz was insulted by this but Seyiku insisted that he needed someone to call him out. 

She does eventually apologize, feeling that she was a bit too harsh on him. Lorenz apologizes as well, thanking Seyiku for the advice she had given him, even if she could’ve done it in a better way. 

So they’re on good terms now, but it’s still a tad awkward. 

And would you look at that! It’s time for the ball! Since Seyiku is considered staff, she isn’t allowed to attend. She swears she’s fine not going, but deep down is a bit disappointed. 

Manuela takes pity on her, feeling like her little assistant has more than earned “a night of dancing and romance”. So she finds a spare uniform and insists Sey pretend to be a student for the night, just so she can enjoy the ball. Cinderella

Seyiku makes it to the ball and is excited to try all the special food available, but oh no, she’s been spotted. 

Guess who! Lorenz is surprised to see Sey at the ball, but is definitely not complaining. 

He of course invites her to dance, and Seyiku accepts. 

But ah... Spending time this close together... Having not much to look at but each other... It is at this moment that Seyiku realizes she has fallen in love. Well at least that she’s developed romantic feelings.

She’s immediately flustered by this, and cuts off their dance under the excuse that Lorenz should make time to dance with other partners. He was a bit disappointed to have to stop so soon, but agrees with her suggestion. 

He had planned to dance with every potential suitor at the ball... yet only seemed to enjoy dancing with a certain someone... It is at this moment that Lorenz has the same epiphany that Sey had just moments earlier. 

I could go on about everything that happens afterwards but I’m cutting it here since I only really wanted to talk about The Realization :) Thanks for coming to my ted talk 

[littlellamalittlelion]

Castle on the Hill - One Shot

N/A: Fluff; angst; loads of feelings.

Yes, I just wrote a oneshot songfic based on Ed Sheeran’s new song. Judge me. 

I was listening to this song and the lyrics really got to me, so I had to. It took me 3h but I’ve done it!

I hope you guys enjoy it, its very different from all of my other works. 

Words: 2400+ 

AO3 

Third P.O.V

“Phil what the hell are you doing here? I don’t want to talk to you. I am not going back to you. Not again. I told you, that was the last chance you had to make things right, I won’t be the stupid boyfriend who gets cheated on and goes back to the other as nothing had happened.” Dan screams in the moment he opens the door of his flat and sees his ex-boyfriend, and childhood friend, in his doorstep. Phil is wet. It has been raining non-stop in London for the past two weeks, but that didn’t make Phil grab a raincoat or an umbrella when he left the house. He needed Dan, he was tired of being away from him. The rain wasn’t going to stop him from doing what he wanted on that moment.

Phil looks up to his ex, and Dan can see that he is crying. Dan can’t see Phil crying. He knows that Phil isn’t doing that on purpose, Phil has always been a very sensitive person, and he would cry if his emotions where too amplified to stay bottled up inside of him, but that made Dan angry. All he wanted to do was close the door in his face, but he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t leave Phil crying, wet on the rain, outside in the cold winter of London.

“Come in before I change my mind.” Dan says, opening space for Phil to walk inside the house, but Phil doesn’t move. “What? You won’t come in and you won’t say anything? Should I just leave you there and go back to my anime marathon then?” Dan is getting angry, he doesn’t want to be angry, but he is hurt, and he different from what Phil thinks, he does have a heart, he feels things, and he is feeling a lot of things now that Phil is in front of him for the first time in two weeks. “Phil? I’ll leave you here, don’t doubt that.”

“I don’t want to go in.” Phil says in his hoarse voice, from over crying and staying too long in silent on the rain.

“So what do you want? Why did you cross the city to come here, on the rain? Just to stay in front of my door making a lost dog face?”

“I want you to come with me.” Phil says, taking his car keys from his pocket.

“Here? Why? Tell me why would I go anywhere with you after the whole Chris incident?” Dan is really angry now, but he just can’t scream with Phil. He isn’t capable of that.

“Because deep down you know that nothing happened with Chris. Deep down you do know that this was just a huge game that Jack played on us. And because you are too curious not to come. You won’t be able to sleep if you don’t come with me, never knowing what I wanted to show you. To tell you. I want to talk to you, and you will never forgive yourself if you don’t come with me and hear me out.” Phil says, trying to smile a little bit. He knew his friend too well.

“You know I don’t like when you try to play me, Phil Lester.” Dan says, but he grabs his rain coat. He isn’t going to say no to Phil. He needed answers, even though he didn’t want them right now, and Phil was right, he was too curious to stay home now. “Where are we going?” He said, closing the door behind him.

“You will see in a bit. I just need you to keep your mind open to what I’m gonna talk to you about today, because I need you to be on it as I am.” They were moving towards Phil’s car, Dan’s heart beating too fast to be safe.

“Phil you are not making any sense. Please tell me whats wrong.” Dan said, getting inside the car. He wasn’t scared. He would trust his life on Phil. But he was afraid for his friend. Phil was acting weird. Too quiet, too shy.

“I’m trying to tell you everything. I’m sorry if you are confused or scared. I’m sorry about this whole thing, but I need you to hear me out. I couldn’t think about another way to do this.” Phil said, turning the car on, but not moving. He moved his body to look at Dan. “A few months ago you were mad at me because you said that I bottle up my feelings and I never let them out. You were mad at me because I would cry for drowning in my feelings, but I would never free them. This is me freeing my feelings.” Phil said, moving the car.

Dan was scared. They had been driving for over 30 minutes now, and Phil didn’t say a word in that time. He knew that Phil was just trying to organize his thoughts and fight against his instincts saying that he couldn’t say what he was feeling, but he was scared. It took a couple more minutes on the silence of the road for Phil to start talking again.

“One day when I was six years old I was running from my brother and his friends. They would make fun of me because I liked painting and watching movies instead of playing ball or catch outside. That day my mom wasn’t home, and my dad was watching a game on TV, so no one was paying attention on us. My brother and his friends started picking on me, and I was tired of feeling alone and sad. I tried running away. They came running behind me, and they were faster. We were running on the hill when they got to me. One of Martyn’s friends pushed me, and I felt down the mountain. I broke my leg, but that wasn’t the worst pain I felt that day. I was sad and scared, and I felt like my brother didn’t love me enough to accept me as I was, that pain hunts me until today.” Phil didn’t take his eyes from the road, but Dan saw a single tear falling from his eye.

“So when you got to school the other day, you lied to me. You said that you had fallen down the stairs. Why did you keep that from me?” Dan asked quietly, trying not to sound too hurt, but feeling a little bit betrayed by his friend.

“I was ashamed of being different, and ashamed of not being loved by my own brother, by my family. I didn’t want to give you a reason not to love me, so I pretended that I was loved by the one that should love me.” Phil answered,  giving a side look to Dan, and a little hurt smile.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because I can’t lie to you anymore. I want you to know everything you still don’t know about me. You were right, we can’t have a relationship if we are keeping things from each other, so I don’t want to keep anything from you. I’m telling you all I want and all I feel, and then you can decide our destiny. I’m not gonna let the fear of not being loved keep love away from me.” Phil gives another side look to Dan, before looking in front of him again.

They keep going down the little country road at 90 per hour, for a few more minutes. Dan turns the radio on to put an end to the awkward silence. They are singing to ’Tiny Dancer’ on the radio when Phil decides to talk again.

“When we were fifteen you went to India with your parents, for summer. I told you that I was fine, that my summer went by really fast and I was happy, but I wasn’t. I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere when you weren’t there.” Phil started, pausing for a second to let Dan situate on the timeline of his story. “I didn’t want you to think that I couldn’t live if you weren’t in my life, so I pretended to be a normal teenager when you were out. I went out with our friends. They were in this never ending phase of smoking and talking about sex. I was a virgin and I’ve never even kissed anyone. I knew I was gay since ever, I knew I liked you since I was ten years old, but they were there, and they were pushing me to do something, anything, so I kissed Melissa. I didn’t like it at all, and I’m pretty sure I did it wrong, but all I could think was that I betrayed you. I felt dirty, I felt sick and used.” He paused for a minute before continuing. “We did many stupid and gross things that summer. We got drunk, we stole things on the stores, we ran away from the cops, but I never felt guilt for those things, I felt sad. I felt sad because I was scared. I was scared of telling you and you hating me forever, for you not being my first kiss, for me being a stupid teenager. So I never told you. Now I feel guilty for never telling you these things.”

“So when I came back, and you told me that you spent the summer just chatting with people and playing games, you lied to me again?” Dan asked, but his voice didn’t show any judgment.

“Yes. From that day on I’ve always lived with the weight of these lies on my shoulder.” Phil agreed. Dan tried asking why, but he didn’t answered, going back to the silence from before.

Dan decided to go back to pay attention to the road, and then he understood where they were going.

“Phil stop the car.”

“I can’t.”

“Phil stop the car, please.” Dan asked, panic in his voice.

“I can’t stop the car Dan. We need to do this.” Phil said, keeping the car in the same speed as before.

“Phil, are you sure? We haven’t been there since…” Dan can’t even complete his sentence.

“Since our parents kicked us out. I know.” The silence is back.

“Why? Why now?” Dan asked. The panic was still inside of him, but he trusted Phil, and he needed to know the rest of Phil’s story.

“Because I miss home Dan. I haven’t told you this before, but I actually miss home. And right now I can’t wait to go home.” Phil’s voice broke a little bit, showing that he was crying again.

“They don’t want us there Phil. They hate us.” Dan tried to argue, but he wasn’t that scared anymore. He had Phil, they would be okay.

“I don’t care about them. They’ve never cared about me.” Phil took another break before continuing his story. “Do you remember when we got our first  paid weekend jobs?”

“Yes, of course. I think I’ve never seen you that happy before, and we were just cleaning gardens.”

“I was happy. I’ve never pretended that. But I’ve never told you why I was that happy either.” He stopped the radio before continuing. “I was glad I could actually drink something better than really cheap beer, yes, but the reason why I was so happy was actually because I was gaining money to pay for my freedom. I hated home. Actually, I hated my house and family, that was never a home. Our first job gave me the doors to a new life, and that maid me happier than ever. I was happy to start a new life, and I was happy to start it with you. We were starting to be free, and I was happy to be free with you.”

“I was happy to be free with you too.” Dan commented, a few minutes later.

They were quiet for a while, just watching the road passing by. It was the middle of the day, and they weren’t too far away from their home town. Something like half an hour away.

“Joe has a clothing shop in Manchester.” Phil said, cutting the silence.

“Oh really? Where did you heard that?”

“I called his house, his mom answered, she was glad to hear from me, from us.” Phil said. “We used to make so many plans. We used to talk about getting big jobs on the big city and living everyone together, around each other, but here we are. You and me, we live as far away from each other as possible inside of London. Alfie is Brighton, working by the sea. Peej had two kids, but he just got divorced, so he lives alone in Newcastle. Pewds just got married, again. His first wife cheated on him with a girl that they were friends with for years. Caspar is back home, he lost all his money in Vegas last year, and he wasn’t able to recover at all.Life play games with us you know, this makes me feel lost. Like nothing I plan for, will ever work. We grew up with them, and now its like none of us have ever met before. This take my ground away from me, and I hate it.” Tears are falling down Phil’s face, when he turns into an old very well known road that he and Dan used to take everyday.

“People grow up Phil, this happens.” Dan says, before noticing where they were going. “So this is what you meant when you said: ‘I miss home’.” He pointed. Phil agreed with his head. “I missed this place too.” Dan said, after a couple minutes, when they parked the car on the large garden. “Why did you want to come here? After all these years?” Dan asked, leaving the car.

“When we didn’t know the answers for our questions in life, we would come here. I have a couple of questions that I need answers for today, and I decided that here was the best place to come.” Phil said, walking around the big castle on the top a hill, just in the backyards of Phil’s old home, to find their favorite place on Earth.

They were sat by the castle on the hill, watching the sunset, thinking about life, feelings, love. Dan loved Phil. He has always loved Phil. Since that first day on this hill. Phil was counting on that.

“Do you forgive me Dan?”

“For what?” “For hiding my feelings from you. For lying all these years and keeping everything inside. For taking you in this trip without asking before. Do you forgive me for loving you so much, that I never wanted you to suffer, when I was suffering?” Phil asked, turning his body to Dan, and holding his hand.

Dan couldn’t answer. Phil looked gorgeous in that light. The sun setting behind him, the view from their favorite place. Of course he would forgive him. So Dan kissed Phil. For long minutes, passing all the emotions he was feeling, showing Phil that it was normal to keep some emotions inside, to pass on the right moment. “I forgive you.” Dan said in the middle of kisses. They kissed for a long time before separating, to watch the end of the sunset. It took a few minutes before Phil saying something again.

“I’m really glad you forgave me.” He said, smiling really big. That made Dan happy too. “Yeah? Why are you that happy? Didn’t you think I would forgive you after all the time we’ve known each other?”

“I knew you would, I just didn’t know it was going to be today, and that was scaring me because I still have another question I need an answer for today.” Phil said getting on his feet. Dan got up too.  Phil hold on to one of Dan’s hands and got in one knee.

“Daniel James Howell, in the middle of all of the feelings we’ve talked about today, there is one stronger than any other in my heart. I miss you. I love you. You are the one that makes me feel happy, excited, loved. What I feel for you is real, and this is my way of asking to you if what you feel for me is real or not.” Phil opened a little black box he was keeping on his pocket for all the trip. “Dan, will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

N/A: Helloooooo! Please don’t kill me!

I hope you guys enjoyed it!