#i still haven't even started my paper i already asked for an extension for and should hand in in November

[tardis--dreams]

I wish i could skip forward to December 23 already

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 19

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words: 5k

Masterlist

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Monday, November 23; 9:40 AM - Class.

It's been a week since I returned to camp. Bronze managed to get my leave denied even though I had gone a week without any infractions. The worst part is, I hardly saw her during the week and weekend, even though she stayed too. The only time I'm sure to see her is in the morning during checks and in the evening to catch up on my classes. I could have finished long ago, but the teachers overwhelm us with too much work. It's annoying because I can no longer stand Bronze's silence. Not only is she still mad at me, but she makes it clear. If she wanted to punish me in her way to make me remorseful, she succeeded! I can't even blame her because I'm in the wrong.

Now, with a new week just starting, I content myself with scribbling on my paper at the beginning of class. I don't plan to make as much effort as last week if it means I won't get a pass in the end. I occupy myself as best as I can since the classes don't interest me at all. I'm lost in half the classes because of my backlog and have no desire to catch up. Unlike me, Alexia is very attentive for once. I try to entertain myself without her. I almost regret not deliberately arriving late this morning. I refrained, remembering Bronze's behavior. She would have certainly taken the opportunity to get back at me. I sigh for the umpteenth time in almost two hours to show my displeasure. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here.

- "Well, since I've finished my class and we still have some time... It's time to talk about your specialization for the second semester."

- "Our what?" I asked Alexia.

- "You don't know? We're supposed to choose an option for the second semester."

- "What? Is this a joke?"

- "It's always like this in the second semester. Wiegman Camp is a private school, so it's Wiegman who decides how it operates."

- "And what's the system?" I sighed.

- "I thought you knew. Well, we have general courses in the first semester and have to choose preferred specializations in the second. It's like this for three years. It operates this way so we can change specializations once if we think we chose the wrong path. It's good like this because if we join a new field, we have to catch up on everything ourselves."

- "Basically, I'd be screwed in any field since I wasn't here for the first two years..."

- "Yeah, pretty much," she chuckles.

A stack of papers arrives. I take two sheets before passing it back. I look at the form with curiosity after handing one to Alexia. It's an enrollment form with a list of options. I'm completely lost. I haven't been to classes for two years. How am I supposed to know what I want to do? I sigh, scratching my head. This is an unexpected problem. I would have preferred general courses until the end of the year.

- "You know the drill," starts our teacher. "Three choices are possible. You'll be accepted based on your first-semester report card and the number of available spots."

- "Will the classes be mixed then?" I asked Alexia. "Or will we only be separated for the options?"

- "No, the classes will be mixed," she grimaces at my dismayed expression.

Oh no... This means we risk being separated. Not to mention I'll have a new schedule and new teachers. My situation was fine as it was! Why do they always have to change everything?!

- "The enrollment form is due by the end of the week, with no extensions."

This whole thing already annoys me. End of the week? It's short notice for someone who wasn’t informed and doesn’t know what they want to do. I'm sure everyone already has an idea since they've had this before. I pack up my things as the bell signals the end of class. I'm the first to leave the room. I have five more hours of classes, including the lunch hour. Luckily for me, my morning passes quickly. To be honest, this options thing occupied all my thoughts during my last two hours before noon. I studied the sheet all morning. I reached the same conclusion: Nothing interests me. It's driving me crazy. Luckily, I can finally eat to clear my mind by seeing the others. This joy quickly fades when the main topic is about the specializations. I avoided the discussion until now, but Alba invites me to join by asking a question.

- "And you, Ona? Do you already have an idea where you're going?"

- "No, not really."

- "Join sports with me," she suggests. "It would be cool if we were together for once!"

I furrow my brow as the rest of the table bursts into uncontrollable laughter. A smile escapes my lips. I really like Alba, but she's very clumsy in her approaches. She should know that's not the kind of option that interests me, or she's really dumb. I find it almost adorable that she wants us to be together.

- "You're really dumb," Leah comments. "Ona, in sports?"

- "Everyone knows sports and Ona are like oil and water," her sister adds.

- "But you do jogs with Bronze!" Alba defends herself.

- "I haven't done them for a week. It was just to clear my head before classes. Your sister is right, I hate sports."

I smile at her adorable face. I almost feel bad for disappointing her like this. She's between the shame of proposing such a thing and the sadness of my refusal.

- "Come with Pina and me in engineering then," Patri suggests.

- "Engineering?" I repeat. "I'm good at practical stuff, but not in that field, sorry," I giggle. "I don't know what I'll do yet, I'll see."

- "You have a week to think about it, be careful, it's short," Leah tells me.

- "What are you taking?" I asked.

- "No idea," she shrugs. "Probably the same as the last two times..."

If I want reassurance, I just need to look at Leah. At least I know I'm not the only one lost. Sometimes I wonder why she's here. She doesn't care about anything and doesn't hide it. The proof is in all the infractions she commits. That's why I adore her and think it's mutual.

- "Too bad for you there's no art in the options," Alexia tells me.

- "I admit, I wouldn't have had to think if there was."

Since Bronze's gift, I haven't stopped drawing before bed if I'm not too tired. It's not a passion I would hide since even my supervisor knows about it. Alexia keeps asking to see my drawings. I find it hard to show her because I find my sketchbooks very personal. I tend to prefer sharing my paintings, which are more abstract, but I have no materials to make them. I finally gave in and showed her some because of her persistence. Alexia has a persuasion I underestimate every time. The topic didn't fall on deaf ears, given how the whole table reacted. I'm bombarded with a multitude of questions that I enjoy answering. It's always easier to talk about something you're passionate about. Now I hope my next classes will pass quickly, but it will be difficult given my racing thoughts.

Monday, November 23; 4:10 PM - Hallway.

My day is over. Or almost. Alexia suggested we work together at the library, but I had to decline, reminding her of my obligations with Bronze. So, here I am on my way to her office. Arriving, I'm surprised to find the door closed. It's the first time it has been. This stresses me out even more than I already am. Since my return, things haven't been the same with Bronze. I take a deep breath before knocking. I recognize her voice giving me permission to enter. She looks surprised to see me, given her expression. I quickly notice the empty desk opposite her. It's surprising that Engen is not at her post.

- "Ona," Bronze snaps me out of my thoughts. "What are you doing here? Did you do something I don't know about?"

- "No... Am I not supposed to come to catch up on my classes?"

- "Oh, right. I thought you were done. Well, sit down and leave the door open."

If I had known she would forget, I would have stayed with Alexia... I timidly enter the room while she clears space on her desk. I sit across from her, in my usual spot. She doesn't pay much attention to me and continues her work.

- "Engen isn't here?"

- "She has a day off."

- "Oh."

- "Do you still have a lot to catch up on?"

- "I don't think so. Do you mind if I prioritize my math? I have a test on Wednesday."

- "Not at all, manage as you see fit. It's you who'll stay here longer."

I would gladly do without this obligation, but it doesn't bother me much either. At least I'm at peace here. I'm not a diligent student, but I'm far from stupid. I just lack motivation, and my sigh expresses it well.

- "Bronze?"

- "Hmm? What do you want now?"

- "Never mind, forget it."

I was about to make a big mistake. Fortunately, her sharp response brings me back to reality. I dive into my math without adding anything. She sighs in turn.

- "Come on, talk, I can see you're troubled."

- "No, it's fine, don't worry. My request is ridiculous..."

- "No request is ridiculous if it's thought out. I have the right to judge it myself, don't I?"

I didn't expect her to insist. I know Bronze is naturally curious. The only time she doesn't insist is on taboo subjects related to my past. I nervously run my hand through my hair. I decide to show her instead of answering. I rummage in my bag and hand her a sheet. She takes it under my watchful eye. She quickly furrows her brow, looking up at me.

- "Why are you giving me this sheet? It's for choosing options, right?"

- "Uh...," I say, turning my head, embarrassed by the question I'm about to ask. "I was wondering if you could help me with my choices. I have no idea what I want to do."

- "Wouldn't you rather see this with your parents?"

I sigh, snatching the sheet from her hands. I knew it was a bad idea. I wonder why this idea crossed my mind. It was really stupid of me. I put the form away while answering her.

- "Forget it, I told you it was ridiculous."

- "Hey, don't take it like that," she smiles. "It was just a simple question. Why would you rather see this with me than with them?"

- "I'm not on good terms with my mother," I admit. "You're the only 'authority' I have," I added, miming quotation marks.

- "Why didn't you tell me? By the way, how did your return go? Tell me you still live with them at least?"

I can't help but smile at all her questions. Finally, my request is good. It feels like everything is back to normal, even though it's far from it. I take a deep breath. She has the right to know, after all. I just hope she won't ignore me anymore after our discussion. I couldn't bear it any longer.

- "I live with my mother, her boyfriend, and their son, Joan. So yes, I still live with one of my parents. Otherwise, my return went well until I saw my mother after work on Saturday. We had a violent argument about what happened, but well, it's not new," I shrug. "I cleared my mind by taking Joan to the ice rink and... And by going to a party," I admit, lowering my head.

Making the connection, I realize that Bronze scolded me for the same reasons as my mother. The difference is that Bronze has the right to be mad at me. Unlike my mother, Bronze gives me the chance to defend myself and understand me. She worries about me in a different way.

- You see, this is what I blame you for. Why didn't you come talk to me instead of forgetting your problems for the evening? I gave you my number for this reason. You could have avoided an argument between us too.

- I know, I'm sorry.

My throat is tight. I'm on the verge of crying, realizing my mistakes. Bronze forces me to lift my head, which makes things even harder to face.

- Everything is settled now, isn't it?

- Yes, I learned my lesson... I won't go to parties anymore, and I want to apologize again. I didn't mean to worry you.

She smiles at me in a strange way. I couldn't interpret her expression. All I want now is for her not to be mad at me anymore. I'm determined to listen to her for the rest of the year if necessary.

- If we go back to the first day you set foot here, you would never have said something like that. I'm proud of you Ona, you have evolved a lot since you arrived. I almost... I said almost, regret calling you immature.

I look at her with wide eyes. If she wants me to crack, she's close to succeeding. No one has said such words to me in a long time. I don't know how to feel after so much recognition.

- It's not perfect yet, but your behavior is redeemable, she says playfully.

- It's hard, you know... To get back up when you're at rock bottom.

I swallow hard, thinking back to everything I've been through since my teenage years. I haven't had an easy life. I feel like it's been rough on me, even though I'm partly responsible for some things. I try to convince myself that I'm happy, but that's far from the truth.

- I know, Ona. But you're making progress step by step, and that's very good.

- It's thanks to you, I whisper.

I think she heard my words, but I'm relieved she doesn't bring it up.

- Well, about your wishes, of course I'll help you if you want. You didn't have to be shy. You should know you can ask me anything. My answer was already yes just by hearing your question.

- Thank you...

- I'll finish my file first. It'll take me half an hour. You can continue your math, and we'll discuss it afterward, okay?

- OK, I replied, making her smile.

All my stress evaporated. Bronze has this influence on me, without me understanding how. I'm no longer used to asking for help. I feel embarrassed every time. It's the first time in a long while that I've made a request. Normally, I manage on my own, or Bronze always offers first. That was the case when she helped me during withdrawal. Everything was a proposition. This time it was different. I had to ask her. I tend to forget she's here now. Mapi is probably right. I should confide in her about my past. The only thing that blocks me is that there are so many things that are hard to say out loud. I've kept these topics deep inside, never having had the courage to talk to anyone about them. I push these thoughts away to concentrate actively on my math. I would like to get a good grade for once. It will be difficult given my level. Not only do I have a crappy teacher, but I'm also behind. These are chapters I've already studied in high school, but it's been too long to remember them. I feel like my teacher confuses me more than anything in my logic. I delve into my exercises without paying attention to the time. I started to think that half an hour should be long, so I looked up. It seems I was right. She must have been watching me for a while, given her amused look. I remove the back of my pen from my mouth with slightly red cheeks. I have the habit of nibbling it unconsciously when I'm deep in thought. I deduce that she finished her work because I no longer see a file on her desk. The show I was putting on must have been entertaining for her not to stop me in my work.

- Do you need help, perhaps?

- No, it's fine, thanks, I declined.

Without asking my permission, she takes the sheet full of scribbles. I must have restarted this exercise three times. She smiles before getting up. I don't immediately understand her intention until she sits on the empty chair next to me.

- Everything is wrong. Give me your pen.

I hand it to her without thinking. It's just a simple quadratic equation. I've always been good at math, even if it's not my favorite subject. However, nothing is working out for me this year. I feel like my teacher explains too much for nothing. I was forced to go back to basics because of him. That's what I was doing, but I realized that even I couldn't manage anymore. Bronze studies my sheet attentively. She must be looking for the mistake.

- If your formulas are wrong, you won't get far, she indicates.

She turns the sheet over to the blank back. She rewrites the new formulas as well as the equation before sliding the sheet back to me.

- Here, try again.

- You don't have to do this, we can-

- If I remember correctly, you have until the end of the week to submit your wishes, right?

- Yeah...

- So we have until Thursday evening to study them. The most important thing right now is your math test. We'll work on them together until dinner time.

I blush at the thought of her helping me with my homework. I think it's something that hasn't happened to me since primary school. She smiles at me and places the pen on the sheet. She leans back in the chair, crossing her arms.

- Come on, get to work, she orders. I want all the exercises you do tonight to be mastered when you leave my office.

- It's going to be hard to catch up on two years...

- Is it like this in all subjects?

- Not all, but most, yes...

- I don't understand why they put you in the final year if you haven't studied since high school, she murmurs, probably more to herself than to me.

- I was good in high school, I shrugged. My mother must have had something to do with it.

- Well, let's start by working on your math tonight. It would be a shame if you got a bad grade when you're trying so hard. For the other subjects, come see me if you have any problems.

- I don't want to bother you...

- If I offer my help, it's not a bother. The last thing we need is for you to fail your final exam.

- You really don't have to do this, Bronze...

- It makes me happy, I assure you. Don't hesitate to ask for help. I'm here for that too.

I don't know what to say to her. I doubt she's here to help me with my studies. But it's reassuring to know she'll be there if I have questions. I smile at her timidly before leaning over the sheet she points to. I start the equation again for the umpteenth time, with the correct formulas this time. Bronze watches me attentively while I work. It's strange to be under such supervision. It hasn't happened since I was old enough to do my homework alone. What delights me the most is that we're finally talking normally again after a week of silence. When I finish, I show her what I've done. She looks for a moment before smiling.

- See, when you want to! Give me that, she asks, pointing to my pen.

I see her write a new equation next. I don't complain. She's doing this to help me after all. I get back to work without a word. We continue this way for a good hour. She gave me simple equations at first to get me back on track, then she gradually increased the difficulty. On top of that, she varied the equations to cover all the chapters I've studied this year. If I got stuck on something, she took her time to explain my mistakes and gave me another one to do right after. I must be on my fifth rough draft sheet since we started. I admit I'm starting to get slightly fed up. While I don't mind continuing, it annoys me when I can't get it right. That's exactly what's happening with the sign tables. I think it's the tenth time she's explained the principle, but I still don't understand and I'm starting to lose patience. I hate when I don't get something right away. It often means I'll never understand.

- Make an effort, Ona. Focus, it's not that complicated!

- I can't do it! You can see I'm always getting it wrong! I grumble in frustration.

- Why did you put "plus" here? she asks me.

I remain silent in response to her question. I'm afraid of giving the wrong answer. Bronze sighs. She must be as annoyed with the situation as I am. She gets closer to the paper, and therefore to me as well.

- Did you listen when I explained it to you?

- Of course! I retorted.

- Then explain to me. Why did you put a "plus" here? she points to the table.

- Because it follows the sign of "a"? I say in the form of a question, not being sure.

-Are you sure?

She leans back in her chair again, crossing her arms when she realizes my hesitation. She just wants to destabilize me to see if I’m sure of myself, and she succeeds perfectly. She already did this earlier by asking me a question when my answer was correct. This time, I don't dare to respond immediately. I prefer to think it over to be sure, but I get nowhere. I groan in frustration, throwing the pen on the desk. I watch Bronze pick it up with an amused smile. I was about to make a remark, but we get interrupted by someone knocking on the door. We both instinctively turn to see Alexia at the door. I furrow my brows, not understanding why she’s here.

"Hello, Bronze."

"Hello, Alexia," she smiles.

"Were you looking for me?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's seven o'clock. We’d like to have dinner with the others, so I wanted to know if we should wait for you or go ahead?"

Is it already seven o'clock? I hadn't noticed the time passing. I first look at my unfinished exercise on my sheet before glancing at Bronze. I’d like to go, but I’m not sure she’ll let me before I finish.

"Don’t look at me like that. Of course, you can go. I’m hungry too. Just finish this exercise by tomorrow and think about the question I asked you."

"Are you serious? You’re giving me homework for tomorrow?" I ask, astonished.

"Remind me who we're doing this for?"

I roll my eyes, unable to argue. She’s taking time out of her day to help me, after all. I sigh but nod. I gather all my things that have invaded Bronze’s personal space and put them in my bag.

"Alright, for tomorrow. Always after my classes?"

"Always, you haven't finished catching up on your courses yet."

"At this rate, I’ll never make it," I laugh.

"Don’t say that, we made good progress tonight. We reviewed all your equation chapters in just two hours."

It's true that it's not bad for two hours. The best part is that I almost understood everything. I understand Bronze’s explanations so much better. She hands me my pen, and I put my things in my bag. I zip it up and stand to stretch my legs. I put my chair away and smile at Bronze, who has also stood up.

"Thanks for your help..."

"No problem. Don’t hesitate next time."

She walks around the desk to get her jacket after tidying up her desk.

"Well... Have a good dinner and a good evening."

"Thanks, you too. See you tomorrow."

We smile at each other before I join Alexia, who has been waiting at the door since the beginning. We leave, and she waits until we're far enough to talk without anyone eavesdropping.

"You kept your personal study sessions with Bronze a secret from me," she teases. "So, things are better with her now?"

I must have told Alexia about my weekend and how Bronze found out I was out partying. I would have preferred to avoid it, but Bronze’s behavior towards me hadn’t gone unnoticed. She inevitably asked questions that I had to answer. This earned me some remarks from her, agreeing with Bronze. I then had to reassure her that I didn’t intend to go back to drugs. My last withdrawal was more than enough.

"It’s not what you think. She just helped me when she saw I was struggling. Otherwise, I think things are better... We talked a bit and I’d say the tension has been relieved."

"Yeah! Anyway, I’m glad she’s talking to you again. It seemed like you were about to fall into a depression because of her ignoring you."

"Nonsense!" I retort, hitting her shoulder.

"Oh yes! You didn't even realize. How did you get her to listen? Because she didn't seem like she wanted to let you explain yourself."

"I asked her to help me with my preferences..."

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"I have no idea what to do... I haven't been in school for two years because of my detox and all that. So, we talked about it, and I ended up apologizing for my mistake on Saturday night..."

"Well, at least it ended well. Did she say yes to help you with the preferences?"

"Yes, yes. We're going to discuss it before Friday."

"That's cool of her. I find her cooler since you’ve been here."

"Bronze cooler? Are you kidding me? She was mad at me for a whole week!"

"You asked for it," she giggles. "But seriously, it’s true. She rarely takes care of anyone else besides you now, and it seems like she's nicer to you than the other students."

"Oh no, she’s not nicer to me," I grimace. "She’s demanding. Should I remind you that she banned me from all parties during my free time and threatened to revoke all my outings from the camp if I come back in a state?"

"She banned you from parties?" she exclaims. "Because of your last weekend?"

"Yeah," I sigh. "I guess I asked for it according to her."

"Yeah, but still! You're right, it's exaggerated! It's normal to go out when we’re free. She shouldn’t have the right to forbid you from doing things outside the school grounds."

"Except she’s completely right."

"Yes, but still... She shouldn’t. She has no influence outside, normally. She doesn't even have a way to verify it."

"True, except I'm a terrible liar in front of her," I laugh. "I mean, she knows everything I do here down to the second, so I have this impression it's the same when I’m outside."

"I see," she giggles. "If you’re acting strange, it’s normal for her to notice something’s wrong."

"At the same time, she has that look that makes me talk, you know? She has so much influence over me now that just talking about it, I feel like I could feel bad at a party just thinking I'm disobeying her."

"Are you serious?" she bursts out laughing. "I didn’t know Bronze scared you that much! Everyone thinks you’re the one who isn’t impressed... You’re breaking my heart, shattering the legend," she says dramatically, putting her hands to her heart.

"Shut up," I laugh. "You’re really stupid, you know that!"

I gently hit her, joining her laughter. We change the subject when we reach the cafeteria. I like talking to her, but I don't really want to discuss this topic with or in front of the others. Alexia is the person I’m closest to here, and that's just fine with me. The others are already at the table waiting for us. So, Alexia and I quickly get our food to join them and finish my evening more calmly.

[thequintessentialqueer]

holy shit y'all so I got accepted into a poetry anthology of emerging canadian writers (fuck canada tho) and my copies finally came in the mail today along with a $150 cheque and I am just!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!! I'm honestly so happy rn I literally was beginning to wonder if the anthology was even gonna happen but it's actually so legit like the head of the toronto international festival of authors was one of the curators????? and it's actually a fairly major canadian publishing company???????! and I got fuckin paid bitch!!!! I feel very affirmed in my ability as a writer rn which is also making me want to write more!! this has actually been a pretty good year for me in terms of poetry: I had that gig a few months back that paid $250 for a 20 minute set, dionne brand likes my work, and I'm about to be moving into the thesis portion of my mfa! shit is fuckin happening!!!

[spencestyles]

I’d do anything

summary: spencer is in love with y/n and y/n is in an abusice relationship. will spencer be able to save y/n? love her when she needs him most?

pairing: spencer reid x bau!fem!reader

warnings: ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP DO NOT READ IF NOT COMFORTABLE READING THIS CONTENT, normal case violence

words: 4k+

please do not read if you are uncomfortable with the content of it abuse is a trigger. be mindful of this.

enjoy!!

SPENCER'S POV

"Guys this is my boyfriend, Owen," y/n said to the team on a night out.

For the longest time she and I have been best friends, nothing more. I have been in love with her for a while now, but I have always been too afraid to tell her. Now that she had a boyfriend, I knew I had lost my chances.

"Oh my gosh!" Penelope yelled. "It is so nice to finally meet you! y/n has told us so much about you!"

Owen smiled and gave y/n a side hug, "Hopefully all good things."

"Yes," JJ quickly said. "She makes you seem amazing. Hopefully you can live up to the expectations."

"Hopefully I do not disappoint," Owen replied.

The night continued with the team asking Owen questions. I had met Owen before and he truly was a nice guy. That was the worst part. However as the night continued, y/n acted strange and almost seemed afraid of Owen. She was acting timid, something she has never done, not even in front of an unsub.

Owen went to get y/n a drink so I decided it would be the perfect time to ask y/n, "Are you okay? You've been acting strange, is Owen hurting you?"

"What?" y/n laughed. "Spencer are you okay? Of course not. Owen and I are perfectly fine."

I sighed, "Okay, just checking. Are we still on for Dr Who tomorrow night?"

"When have I ever not showed up for Dr Who?" y/n retorted. "I will obviously come. Nothing can ever come between us and Dr Who."

Owen suddenly came up behind y/n, "Wait, you're hanging with Spencer tomorrow?" Owen asked aggressively. "I thought we were going to do something?"

y/n laughed, "I told you I can't ever hang on certain Fridays because I watch Dr Who with Spencer. I also never agreed to doing something together, I would have never forgotten a Dr Who watch party."

Owen glared at me. Obviously he was angry I was hanging out with y/n.

"I think it's time for us to leave," Owen said, grabbing y/n's arm very hard. "Say goodbye to your friends." Owen walked over to the table with y/n and put on a fake smile. As they walked out the door, I noticed y/n look back at me, tears in her eyes. Something was wrong.

The whole team was sitting at the table talking about something random when I decided to speak up, "How did you guys like Owen?"

A mix of complements were thrown by the girls, but the guys, they didn't seem too impressed. JJ, Emily, and Penelope, all went to get drinks while Rossi, Hotch, Derek, and I stayed at the table.

"What did you guys think of him?" I asked.

"I hated him," Derek said simply. "I saw the way y/n acted around him, much profilers the girls are. She's acting just like someone who has been manipulated and abused."

Hotch nodded, "I agree with Derek. I know we aren't supposed to profile team members, but the girls obviously don't see anything wrong."

"Are you guys sure?" Rossi asked. "I mean he seems very nice and maybe you all just think he is not good because you all wish y/n and Spencer were together."

The guys looked at me as I began to blush profusely, "I don't want to be with y/n that much anymore." They looked at me in disagreement. "Guys I'm serious, she has a boyfriend."

"Yeah and you don't like her," Rossi argued. "Just admit that you still have a crush on her and then if something really happens I will believe you."

"Fine," I sighed. "I still like y/n."

YOUR POV

"What the hell y/n," Owen screamed at you. "What the fuck is Dr Who night? You know I don't like him."

You choked a sob, "Owen it isn't like that. I don't like him, he's my best friend. Please don't hurt me."

"He obviously has something for you and you have something for him," He yelled.

"I d-don't lik-ke him Owen," I whispered. "I promise."

This had become your normal routine. Spencer or some other male would say something and Owen would go crazy. Especially about Spencer. Owen would yell at you and sometimes things would escalate. That unfortunately is how it went tonight.

It started with a push, then a slap. Sometimes it progressed more, but that was rare.

"We are going somewhere," Owen said.

You were being dragged out of the house, "Owen, what?"

"Well since you can't be obedient, I'm going to have to teach you somehow y/n."

And like that you were knocked out unconscious.

SPENCER'S POV

I walked into work carrying a coffee for both y/n and I. I decided to get her a coffee to apologize for last night's irrational decisions. I had come to the conclusion that Owen wasn't actually abusive, I was just jealous.

Derek and Hotch though, not so much.

"Baby girl, that guy is a grade A asshole," Derek said to Garcia. "Can you please just do one background check?"

Penelope sighed, "I can't do that Derek, I promised y/n I wouldn't look into him."

I decided to ignore the conversation and wait for y/n to come in for work. After about thirty minutes of waiting I decided to ask Hotch.

"Hey, is y/n coming in today?" I asked.

"Um, no," he said, pulling out his phone. "I got this strange text though, can you look through it."

"Yeah let me see," I said, walking over to where he set his phone down.

"Agent Hotchner, I will not be able to come into work tomorrow for the case. I have an issue with my tonsils. I am sorry." I recited. "I don't think y/n typed this, maybe we should send someone to her house and to Owen's house."

Hotch groaned, "I'll send Derek and JJ, I am hoping our next case doesn't become y/n. Please continue to look over the text and I'll have Garcia look into Owen."

I nodded and put the text onto the white board so I would be able to write on it.

"Hotch, look at this," I said, Hotch walking over to me. "First, y/n hasn't called you agent Hotchner since her first day here, she usually calls you Hotch or Aaron. Also, y/n got her tonsils removed when she was 7."

"Garcia, have you looked into Owen at all," Hotch asked.

"Yeah a little, but it's all normal," Garcia answered.

Hotch glared at her, "Not enough, do a full deep dive. I don't care what y/n told you not to do, he is hiding something and so is she."

Garcia nodded and went straight to work as Hotch's phone began to ring.

"Morgan, you're on speaker."

"Okay so y/n's apartment was spotless," Morgan said. "But it was also locked, so I don't think she went home to her apartment last night."

JJ began to add on, "Owen's apartment on the other hand, was a mess. Like it looked like there was a robbery of some form. Also, y/n's purse was there."

"Garcia what do you have on Owen?" Hotch asked.

"Owen Winters, he is 42 and from Southern California," Garcia began. "As a child CPS was contacted many times and it looks like his dad killed himself when he was 8. It looks like he has an extensive amount of charges for abuse and harassment, all from his ex-girlfriends."

"Do any of them live near?" I asked.

"Yes, boy wonder, 25 year-old Vanessa Montgomery works in a coffee shop near the white house," Penelope explained.

"What is the coffee shop?" I questioned.

"The Starbucks over on Pennsylvania Ave. near the White House," she answered. "Why?"

"I know her, she is the barista that always gets our order perfect," I replied.

"Morgan and JJ pick her up on your way back," Hotch ordered. "Owen Winters is our new unsub and y/n y/l/n is our newest victim."

I sighed as I began to prepare the questions for Vanessa. I looked over at y/n's desk and decided to start looking through it for any details.

As I walked over to the desk, I looked at the coffee on y/n's desk. I wanted to apologize for something that I was right about. Why didn't she tell me? was the only thing going through my head.

At her desk I noticed some things that I guess I hadn't seen before. On her desk she has four framed pictures. One of her, Hotch and Rossi. Another that was her and the girls. One that was of her, Derek and me, from one of the first cases we had together . The last one however, was the one I had never seen. It was a picture of y/n and me from when she took me to Colorado to ski and hike.

I smiled at the memory,

"Spencer, be careful," y/n yelled as I walked closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.

I laughed, "y/n I'll be fine! Come here, let's take a picture."

"Fine! Spencer I swear if I fall, you are coming down with me."

"For you, y/n, I'd do anything."

I then began to look deeper in her desk. I felt like I was violating y/n's personal space, but this needed to be done. As I looked through her drawers, I wasn't able to find anything that could help. Until I looked in the last drawer.

In this drawer, I found papers for a restraining order that had been filed and denied. y/n was trying to get away from Owen.

"Guys, I found something," I said yelling into the conference room. The team looked at me to continue, "y/n filed a restraining order on Owen but it was denied. The date was two months ago. I was thinking back and y/n has been acting a little strange for the past five months. Owen has to have her."

"Reid, we already established Owen has her, but this ensures that he was abusive," Hotch said.

Emily sighed, "The timeline makes sense. She has been hanging out with us less and she has worn more turtlenecks in the past five months than I have seen anyone ever wear."

"Yeah," Penelope said. "y/n has ditched us for girls night for the past few months. She also got mad at me at team dinner last night when I asked why she wasn't wearing something more revealing."

"Her smiles have been fake," I added. "She smiles at us all the time to brighten our days, but they haven't been as nice, welcoming."

"Well, Reid, it looks like you were correct," Rossi said.

"What do you mean?" JJ asked.

Derek laughed, "Last night when you three went off to get drinks, Reid told us he thought Owen was acting violent with y/n and thought she was acting strange. Hotch and I immediately agreed, but Rossi didn't seem convinced. Rossi thought Reid was just jealous because he has a crush on y/n and he doesn't realize she likes him."

"Derek, not the time," I said sternly.

Emily laughed, "I can't believe you of all people couldn't see it Spencer. y/n is hopelessly in love with you and now she is dating a scumbag because she doesn't think you like her."

I sighed as I began to look over where y/n could be located, thinking about the idea of dating y/n wouldn't help us find her. We had made little progression on this, but we knew it had to be somewhere with significance to either one of them or both of them.

I decided to ask Garcia, "Garcia, have you made any progress on where y/n could be?"

"Yes 187, it looks like Owen owns a small cabin around half an hour from here," Garcia said.

"Okay let's go now," Hotch told us.

Garcia gasped, "Wait there is a live feed. I'm putting it up on the screen."

The video was horrific. y/n was tied to a chair looking almost dead. She had blood falling from above her head and looked like she had been through hell.

"Hello BAU," Owen said to the camera. "I have your dear y/n, but you wont be able to get her. y/n will never be out of my sight ever again. I will not have Dr. Spencer Reid ruin our relationship."

"It's not your fault Spence," y/n said to the camera. My heart clenched. She was in pain and I couldn't be there to help her.

"He is the one in the way of our relationship y/n," Owen yelled. "Of course it is his fault."

"Spencer isn't the issue with our relationship Owen," y/n yelled back. "You are."

Hotch started to grab his things, "She shouldn't have said that, we need to leave now. She is already in danger."

We all ran to the SUVs. I went in a car with Derek and Hotch. Derek drove and broke every traffic law imaginable, making the thirty minute car ride less than twenty. The three of us grabbed out vests and began to run to the cabin.

Suddenly, Hotch stopped me, "Spencer it isn't safe for you to be there."

"Hotch I have to go," I protested.

"Spencer, you are the reason she is there," Hotch said. "It may be Owen's fucked up mind, but you are the trigger that made him angry. y/n loves you more than him and he noticed and now we're here. Stay outside." I decided to not fight and stay outside to wait for the other team members. The other SUV pulled up quickly after us.

"Jesus Christ, that was the fastest I've ever driven," Emily complained. "Spencer what are you doing out here?"

"Morgan and Hotch already moved in, Hotch doesn't want me inside," I explained.

"I'll stay out here with you Kid," Rossi said. I nodded in thanks as I watched Emily and JJ run to the cabin. I stood staring at the cabin. Time had become slow motion. It felt like an eternity watching the movement inside.

I heard Derek yell from the cabin, "MEDIC! WE NEED A MEDIC!" I immediately ran into the cabin. I looked over and saw y/n in Derek's arms, barely breathing. I heard Owen yelling at me, but couldn't focus on anything besides y/n.

"y/n," I said, moving to where I was holding her head. "y/n, I need you to listen to me. I love you, I always have and I am so sorry I never told you."

"Sir, we need you to move," the medic said, trying to move y/n onto the stretcher. I began to move when I felt someone grab my hand. I looked down and noticed it was y/n. She gave my hand three squeezes. I Love You.

With y/n on her way to the hospital and Owen getting taken back to Quantico, Derek, JJ, and I all went to the hospital to keep tabs on y/n while the others closed the case.

I sat in my chair nervous out of my mind. Derek sat next to me trying to calm me down and JJ was across from me.

"Spencer, you need to calm down," Derek told me.

"I can't calm down Derek, y/n could die," I said frantically.

JJ began to laugh, "Did you know the other day y/n told Emily, Penelope, and I, that she wanted kids? Can you imagine that? y/n with kids?"

A tear trickled down my face, "She always told me she wanted two kids, one boy and one girl. y/n would be a great mother."

Derek laughed, "The thing that would make y/n such a great mother if her kids were also yours Pretty Boy. I have known since the beginning you two would have pretty kids." I laughed, but also glared at him.

"y/n y/l/n?" The doctor called. The three of us stood up and the doctor began to walk towards us, "y/n is out of surgery. It was touch and go for a while, but she is stable. There were many noticeable signs of abuse that were old, she has a broken harm and three broken fingers, all of which are old."

I let out a shaky breath, "When can I- we see her?"

"I can only let one person in at a time and I doubt she is awake," the doctor explained. JJ and Derek looked at me, signaling me to go to y/n's room. I followed the doctor to her room.

"It might be a little much to see, she may not look like herself. She is very, very fragile and has wires attached to her," the doctor said before opening the door for me. Walking into the room, the environment was tense. y/n was laying in the hospital bed with wires attached to her and much of her body was wrapped up from the surgery and from her injuries.

I went over and sat next to her bed, grabbing onto her hand, "y/n, you can't hear me but I am here. It's Spencer. I am so glad you are okay, but why didn't you tell me about Owen? I could have done something. WE could have done something. I am just so glad you are safe."

For the rest of the time, I sat there watching her sleep. Not in a creepy way, but to make sure she was safe. I was so pissed at myself for not realizing what Owen was doing earlier. I should have been able to see the warning signs. Some of them were subtle, when she wouldn't hang out with the team or was constantly checking her phone. But some of them should have been immediate red flags, the flinching in front of the unsub or how she always wore clothes to cover herself. I should have known. The team should have known.

I felt y/n's hand move and saw her shift, "Spencer?" she asked.

"y/n," I said breathlessly. "I am right here, but I need to go get a nurse. You are at the hospital, Owen hurt you."

I started standing up to leave, "Spence, no. Don't leave me."

I sighed, looking at her disheveled features, "y/n, I will be right back. You need to see a nurse."

Walking out of the room was painful, hearing her sobs in fear of being hurt again. It pained me to know I was leaving her when she needed me, again.

I walked over to her nurse, "Um y/n y/l/n has woken up, I thought you should know." The nurse said her thanks and walked with me to y/n's room. As we walked in, the sound of y/n's labored breaths became more noticeable.

"Miss y/l/n, we need you to calm down," the nurse said, running to y/n's bedside.

Immediately, I walked over to y/n and held her hand. "Sir, you need to exit the room," the nurse said, ushering me away from y/n. At that moment I didn't know what was worse, hearing y/n's cries or feeling so helpless in the situation.

Suddenly, I felt a presence next to me, "Reid, you need to leave, it's not good for you here."

Derek.

"Derek, I-I-I can't just leave," I stuttered. "I need to be there to help, she's all alone."

"Kid, you need to shower," Derek said.

"No, Derek you don't understand," I said angrily. "I can't just leave her here again. I didn't notice when she was hurt and I need to show that I care."

Derek sighed, "Reid, she knows. She's not going to hate you. No one knew that she was going through that. It's not your fault."

I was about to say something when I say y/n being moved out of her room by doctors, "What is going on?" I asked.

"Miss y/l/n is getting taken back into surgery," the doctor said. "We don't know what happened." I began to hyperventilate. I was freaking out. y/n wasn't alright. She was going to die.

As I began to sob, Derek pulled me into a hug, "She is going to be alright man. You'll get to see her again and talk to her and finally ask her on a date. Does that sound good?"

I unconvincingly nodded my head.

"No, Spencer, don't do that," he said. "Don't doubt the doctors and think about the statistics, y/n is not a statistic."

I nodded, wiping my eyes.

"There you go," Derek smirked. "Now, go take a shower at your house so y/n wont shy away at your scent. Also, maybe get her some flowers. She likes-"

"Pink roses," I interrupted, laughing. "Pink roses are the most difficult flowers to find."

Derek laughed, "At least try to find them."

"For her," I began. "I'd do anything."

After that, I ran to the SUV to head to Quantico and get my car. The car ride felt like forever and I wasn't excited for the possibility of seeing Owen. Thankfully, I didn't see Owen between the time of dropping off the SUV and going to the parking lot to get my car. The car ride to my apartment was short, thank God. I decided to take a quick shower, just wanting to freshen up. I got dressed in my home clothes, which were in fact different from my work clothes, contrary to the belief of most of my team members.

I made it to the flower shop that was down the street from my apartment. I was usually able to find at least one pink rose here, but it was typically very difficult.

"Hello," the shop owner said. "We are close to closing Spencer. Do you need anything in specific?"

"Pink roses," I stated.

The owner laughed, "I'll have to check the back, but don't get your hopes up."

I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but I couldn't help myself. y/n loves pink roses and I love y/n.

The owner came back, "You my kind sir, are in good luck. We had one bouquet left of pink roses in the back."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I said, pulling out my money. The owner nodded as I ran out the door to my car.

Speeding to the hospital, I made it to the waiting room. In the waiting room, I couldn't find the team. They were all there, but they weren't in the waiting room. I decided to go to y/n's room and see if they were near there.

Walking to y/n's room, I heard laughter. I looked into the room and saw the team in there along with y/n, smiling. I knocked on the door and slowly opened it.

"Spence," y/n smiled. "I missed you."

"Well I should get going," JJ began. "I need to go see my boys."

The rest of the team followed with their excuses for leaving y/n and I alone.

"H-hi y/n," I stuttered. "I brought you flowers, h-how are you?"

"I am as good as I can be," y/n laughed, obviously compensating the pain. "Thank you for the flowers Spence, I can't believe you could find them at this hour. You have always told me-"

"10 AM is the best time to buy pink roses," I interrupted. "Sorry."

"It's okay Spence, how are you?" She asked.

"Not that great," I said honestly. "Why didn't you tell us y/n?"

y/n sighed, "It was hard Spencer. I already barely had time alone with you guys and I didn't want to ruin it. Owen was also very scary- a mad man. I felt hopeless Spence, I didn't know what to do. I mean I've seen situations like this all the time in cases, but when it was actually happening I felt like there was nothing to do."

I held on to y/n's hand, giving it small kisses while she continued to talk me through her feelings, "and Spencer, I don't want to be alone tonight. Do you think you could stay?"

"Of course y/n," I answered.

"Thanks Spence, you're the best," she said. We continued to sit in a comfortable silence, watching the new episode of Dr Who on the small television in the corner of the room when y/n spoke up again, "Did you mean it?"

"Did I mean what?" I asked, hoping she didn't mean my love confession.

y/n looked at me, knowing I was avoiding the topic, "When you said you love me Spencer. Did you mean it?"

"Yes," I answered.

"I love you too," She said.

I smiled, "Maybe once you're better Icantakeyoutodinner?"

"Spencer say it slower and I'll answer," y/n laughed. "I couldn't understand you."

"Once you're better maybe I can take you out to dinner?" I asked.

"Of course," y/n said. "But no Indian, if we are going on a date I want to go out somewhere. I want to feel pretty."

"To me, you are the most beautiful girl in the world," I said.

y/n blushed profusely, "I still can't believe you found those pink roses! I bet you had to look all over."

"I did, but for you, I'd do anything."

[qianinterprises]

Hold Me Together, Break Me Apart

Pairing | Haechan x gn!Reader

Genre | fluff, angst, roommate au, college au

Warning(s) | bad language, cursing, slamming doors, broken door knobs, broken hearts, reader is mean to Jeno (for a kinda reason)

Synopsis | Your roommate is never far from your mind, especially when you need him to hold you together as you break from the stress of college life. But what happens when you break him by accident.

Author’s Notes | Thank you sweet anon for your request! I had so much fun writing this! I really hope you like it! I may also be posting a part 2, I haven't decided yet. What do you guys think?

Work Count | 2.9K

Tagging | @treasurehobi

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Exhaustion swept across your shoulders as you shoved your key in the tattered lock of your apartment door, wincing when the gears crunched as you turned the key. When the lock clicked, you moved the key back to its resting place before pulling back on it, attempting to free it from the snug hug of the gears. However, it seemed far too content buried deep in the edges of the lock.

With a groan, you turned the jiggly handle and pushed the door open, immediately being bombarded by the sounds of four yelling boys sitting on your couch with remote controls in hand. You had forgotten your roommate was inviting his friends over.

“Donghyuck,” you called, closing the door and walking deeper into the apartment.

You kicked your shoes off at the door and slung your bag into a chair.

Your roommate didn’t answer for a long moment, but when he did, he was distracted, not even sparing you a glance.

“Yeah?”

“My key got stuck again.”

Three times your key had managed to get stuck in the lock. All three times, Donghyuck had been the one to free it.

The male in question sighed as his fingers sped over the keys of the metallic control in his hand.

“I’ll get it out in a minute,” he said.

With a nod, you made your way to your room, seeking escape from the loud yelling of the boys in the next room.

As soon as the door was shut, you let yourself succumb to the emotions attempting to swallow you up. Your knees hit the floor, face buried in your hands as tears wet your fingers. Your shoulders shook slightly as silent sobs wracked through your body.

University was hard enough without the added stress of working, gnawing at your body and soul, pulling you apart piece by piece until your tender bits were exposed for the world to abuse.

College was meant to be fun. A time for parties and drinking. A time of self discovery while also learning more about whatever subject interested you the most. These days, your life was limited to taking four classes throughout the morning, taking an hour for lunch, before reporting to the restaurant across the street where you worked as a wait staff, taking orders and receiving too few tips to add onto your already poor paycheck.

The restaurant had been the only job hiring at the time, and you desperately needed the money. Your family had been supporting you, but when your younger brother dropped out of high school, they began spending too much money taking care of the son they’d ruined by spoiling. Your father could no longer afford paying your half of the apartment rent and, while Donghyuck hadn’t outright said anything of his displeasure, covering both halves of rent for two months, you knew the boy also didn’t make enough to pay the full cost and still be able to go out with his friends. You couldn’t do that to him. So you’d taken the first job that landed in your lap, and here you were, crying on your bedroom floor at 11pm, pondering the idea of dropping out of college all together and moving back home.

A knock on your door startled you out of your thoughts.

“(Y/N), can I come in?”

You quickly ran your fingers under your eyes, wiping away the dampness the tears had left, hoping your eyes were puffy enough to be noticeable. You pulled yourself up off the floor and grabbed your door handle, twisting it and opening the door.

“Yes?”

“I have your key- hey what’s wrong?”

He presented your key between his thumb and index finger, but as soon as his eyes caught sight of your face, he paused.

You felt tears prick to your eyes, but you fought to hold them back. You hated when people asked you questions like that when you were upset. It made holding back the dam of tears that much more difficult.

“Nothing.”

That should have been the end of it, but your voice cracked, and Donghyuck was stepping into your room, wrapping his arms around your middle, and pulling you against his chest. As your face connected with the soft material covering his shoulders, you felt the dam finally give way, a loud sob leaving your mouth as your own ars wound around him, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt as you bellowed against him.

His arms tightened around you, almost as though he were a bungee strap wrapped tightly around a crumbling box, there to hold it together.

“I’m so tired!” you sobbed, shoulders shaking hard. “I have three papers due by tomorrow night that I haven’t even started because I’ve had to work and when I get home I’m exhausted and I keep pushing it off and now I’m going to fail three classes and-”

You were cut off by his soothing voice, shushing you softly as his hand stroked your back the way he knew you liked.

“It’s going to be ok baby,” he whispered softly.

Your roommate somehow had a weird effect on you. Just by speaking in a certain tone, he could rile you up, make you sleepy, or completely put all your fears and nerves to rest. As you melted against him, allowing him to take the majority of your weight, you didn’t stop to ponder the nickname.

“What classes are your papers due in?” he asked.

His arms around your waist loosened, but neither of you let go.

“Literature with Dr. Wong, Grammar with Dr. Jeon, and History with Dr. Lee.”

“Come with me.”

With that, he pulled away from your hug, leaving you about to whine when he grabbed your hand and pulled you from the room.

“Does anyone have Dr. Lee, Dr. Jeon, or Dr. Wong?” he asked.

“I’ve got Wong,” the tallest of Donghyuck’s friends, you believed his name was Jeno, said.

“Have you finished your paper for his class?”

Jeno nodded.

“Will you come over tomorrow and help (Y/N) write hers?” Donghyuck asked.

“Sure!” Jeno said, giving you a reassuring smile.

“I have Dr. Jeon, but I’m not finished with my paper yet. I asked for an extension though and she gave me until Monday. Maybe ask for one too and then we can work on them together,” Donghyuck’s friend with dyed blue hair offered.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, nodding.

“Thank you Jaemin,” Donghyuck beamed.

“I have Dr. Lee, but you know he doesn’t read our papers right? As long as you have the buzz words he’s looking for, he’ll give you a good grade. I can email you my paper and you can just rewrite a few sentences so it isn’t total plagiarism,” the other, tiny friend answered.

Renjun actually happened to be in your class with Dr. Lee. You didn’t know why you hadn’t realized before.

“Now see! All you have to do is ask for help when you need it,” Donghyuck said, squeezing your hand softly before letting it go.

“Now, I have to get back to beating these losers’ asses, but there’s pizza in the fridge if you're hungry!”

Donghyuck leapt onto the couch, settling himself between Jeno and Renjun, retrieving his controller. Then they all were gone once again, back in their own world of screaming obscenities at one another as they fought whatever the zombie alien things on the screen were.

With a smile, you felt your body relaxed, muscles now not as tense as you as you made your way into the kitchen to retrieve the pizza he had mentioned.

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When the next morning rolled around, you were hauling yourself out of bed to attend your morning classes, but today, you didn’t feel horrible, like you wanted to crawl back under the blankets and sleep your life away. Perhaps it was the fact that you had the day off. Or maybe it was because your roommate had somehow taken all your worries and frustrations and made them easier to handle.

Like he always did.

Donghyuck was nothing if not reliable. He was always there when you needed him, whether it was getting your key out of an old lock or gluing you back together as you fell apart in his arms. He was always there to ground you. Maybe he could be annoying sometimes, especially when it was three in the morning and he was crawling in bed with you after having a nightmare, or when he’d beg you to make him hot chocolate every day in the winter because he always scorched the milk when he tried. Lee Donghyuck was the perfect person to share your home with. You just wished you could share the rest of your life with him too.

As your last class ended, you pulled your phone from your bookbag to find a notification to join a group chat from Donghyuck. Raising your eyebrow, you accepted, seconds later directed to a chatroom full of memes and video game references.

FullSun00: Finally she’s joined!

JenoJams: Cut her some slack, she’s been in class!

Jaemberry: She should just text in class like we do!

You: Texting in class prohibits learning!

ArtJun: I like this girl!

FullSun00: (Y/N)!! Meet us in the cafeteria!! We’re sitting in one of the back booths!!

You: Uh… Ok? I’ll be there in five.

Donghyuck was always adamant about keeping you away from his friends group chats despite the amount of times Jeno and Jaemin had tried to convince him to add you. Being invited now was a little odd, but odd didn’t fight the smile on your face as you shoved your notebooks into your bookbag and took off for the cafeteria.

When you got there, the cafeteria was full, as it usually was, but you managed to wind yourself around the heaps of students waiting in lines or moving toward their tables. You walked toward the back of the cafeteria where the most popular seats were, cushioned booths that were alway crowded.You scanned the area looking for Donghyuck, but in the end, it was Jaemin’s blueberry hair that led you to them.

“How did you guys manage to get a booth?” you asked, taking off your backpack.

The booths had long seats large enough to fit three or four people on either side, tables stretching long enough to encompass everyone's plates with plenty of room to spare. It’s part of what made them so popular.

Jeno took your backpack from you, passing it across the table to Jaemin who slid it under the booth where it joined the pile pressed against the wall.

“We got here an hour ago. We tend to spend a few hours here. Easier to eat our fill that way,” Jaemin said.

Renjun snorted.

“Jeno and Jaemin are like human vacuum cleaners. It takes many servings before they’re satisfied,” he laughed.

You shook your head, eyes scanning over the table before realizing that someone was missing.

“Where’s Donghyuck?”

“Miss me already?” your roommate's annoying voice spoke from behind you.

You whirled around to find the man in question standing there juggling two cups of soda and two plates filled with food from the pasta bar, which happened to be the most popular bar and incidentally, your favorite.

“I figured you’d be hungry and I know you love your pasta,” he said.

He moved around you, placing both plates and drinks on opposite sides of the tables before sliding in next to Jeno. It was only then that you realized the second plate was for you.

“Donghyuck… you didn’t have to-”

“Hush and sit,” the male said, looking down at his plate.

If you hadn’t known any better, you would have thought the man was blushing. But this was Donghyuck you were talking about, and Donghyuck didn’t get embarrassed or blush.

You sat yourself down by Renjun and lifted your soda to your lips. As soon as it hit your taste buds, you sighed happily. Donghyuck knew you so well. He knew exactly what you’d want to eat and drink. He was perfect. He’d make the perfect boyfriend…

“Hey (Y/N), after lunch, you want to head back to your place to work on that paper? I’m done for the day,” Jeno asked.

You swallowed the noodles you’d just shoveled into your mouth.

“Sure! I’m done too! And the apartment will be quiet because Hyuck has class!” you shot a teasing smirk in Donghyuck’s direction, earning yourself a glare.

°:.   *₊     .   ☆    ° .       *₊    ☆     ✮       ° .    ☆     *₊   ☆°:.   *₊        ° .   ☆     ✮　 °:.   *₊       °:.   *₊     .   ☆    ° .       *₊    ☆     ✮       ° .    ☆     *₊   ☆°:.   *₊        °

Lunch seemed to fly by and before you knew it, Jaemin was handing you your bookbag as you all grabbed up your plates, ready to relinquish your booth to someone else.

You bid goodbye to Jaemin, Renjun, and Donghyuck, all who were heading to various classes while you and Jeno made your way across the street to your apartment complex.

Stepping inside, your key thankfully didn’t get stuck this time. You tossed your bookbag onto the couch before flopping beside it. You grabbed your laptop off the side table. Jeno took a seat beside you, opening his own laptop.

As soon as the screen to your laptop turned on, you let out a loud yelp as one of your many images of you and Donghyuck together met your eyes, Donghyuck’s sun-kissed face grinning at you through the screen. You typed your password in hastily, but it was too late. Jeno’s face blossomed into a teasing, shit-eating grin that you wanted to slap away.

“So… Donghyuck huh?”

“I don’t know what you're talking about!”

Embarrassment made your stomach churn.

“How long?”

There was no hiding it. Jeno had seen your computer screen. While most university girls had images of baby animals or their favorite band as their lock screens, you had your favorite person to stare back at you.

“Since I moved in…” you mumbled.

His eyes widened.

“And you haven’t told him yet?!” he gaped.

“I haven’t told anyone.”

“You told me!!”

“No, you found out, there’s a big difference,” you corrected.

“Well are you going to tell him?” Jeno asked.

“Of course not! Why would I tell my roommate that I’ve got a big fat crush on him?!” you exclaimed.

“Maybe because he could like you too?”

“Psh, yeah right. Come on, let’s get to work.”

“(Y/N)-”

“No Jeno. I may practically be in love with the man, but why would he ever like me?! He is everything and I’m nothing. He’s the full package with so much to offer some lucky person who steals his heart. I have nothing to offer him but stress and insecurities. So can we please just get to work on this paper and forget about him?!”

You didn’t realize you had tears rolling down your cheeks until Jeno brought his hand up to cup your face, gently running his thumb under your eyes to wipe away the tears softly.

“You’re not nothing. You’re everything,” he whispered.

There was something in his voice. Something that had you drawing closer to him. His eyes flicked down to your lips and back up to your eyes. Your head buzzed with want, blissfully unaware to the emotions of your heart as Jeno’s lips met yours.

His lips were rough, chapped. They pricked yours almost uncomfortably, but they were warm and moist. It had been so long since you’d had such a moment with anyone. So long since you’d last been kissed that perhaps your judgment was impaired as your lips moved against his.

But all too soon, reality was coming to slap you in the ass. This time, in the form of the apartment door opening and Donghyuck stepping through, a gasp leaving his lips as he caught his best friend and the girl he’d fallen in love with locking lips on his couch.

Your lips quickly separated from Jeno’s at the sound of someone intruding. Your eyes became as wide as saucers when you noticed Donghyuck standing in the threshold of your home.

You shot up from the couch, nearly knocking your computer to the floor.

“Hyuck! I can explain! We-”

“Don’t bother.” His tone was so icy it tore right through your heart.

He slammed the door and stormed off to his room. You jumped as his bedroom door slammed shut with a hard wham that made the walls rattle.

“I-... I…”

More tears pooled in your eyes as your hands began to shake.

“No…” you whispered.

Jeno stood up from the couch and made a move to wrap his arms around you, to comfort you, but you lurched away from him.

“No!” you screamed! “Leave me the fuck alone!”

Your breathing was heavy. Anger ripped through your veins. You knew it wasn’t entirely Jeno’s fault, and it wasn’t fair of you to scream at him like it were, but you couldn’t help it. Standing in the wake of a big mistake, you had no other option but to be angry, because how would your roommate ever like you now if he thought you were dating his best friend.

“(Y/N) please-” Jeno began, but you cut him off.

“Was this your plan?! Get me to fall apart so you could put me back together when he walked in?! Do you realize how fucking messed up that is?! I confided in you! I told you how I felt! And you kiss me?! Then he walks in and you try to hug me?! I don’t like you Jeno! Not like I love him! You are not, nor will you ever be, Lee Donghyuck! So just get out!”

You weren’t typically a rude or mean person, but as Jeno looked down before packing up his laptop and scurrying from the room like a puppy with his tail between his legs, you couldn’t help feeling like you’d just lost two great friends.

Maybe today wasn’t a good day after all.

[itistimeforusalltodecidewhoweare]

Nikaaaaaaa!

1. What is your favorite dessert? Is there a specific Austrian dessert you like?

2. What is the worst movie you've ever seen?

3. What AU are you working on? 👀👀

REN!! <3

you did not want this answer to be this extensive. no one wanted that. but you opened this can of worms and now we all have to lie in it. let's do this.

1. dessert, baby

i fucking love dessert sorry. my personal favourite is anything chocolate. chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, brownies, brookies, chocolate croissants, you name it. BUT you asked for austrian desserts and i shall deliver.

now first of all what's important to know is that most desserts can be a sweet main course if you up the size. kaiserschmarrn is excellent, it's essentially scrambled pancake but you often eat it as a main course. another specialty is literally any kind of christmas baking. our cookies aren't like american cookies, they're more like biscuits. they're a lot smaller (you know a cookie is good if you can eat it in one go), and they're often made with shortcrust pastry that gets filled with jam or dipped in glaze. i could eat my entire body weight in vanillekipferl, linzer augen and/or kaffeekeksen.

also pancakes?? pancakes are so underrated. any type of pancake. give it to me. i'm hungry now.

3. decisions were made and i hate them

i will actually answer this first because the second question full-on sent me into a rage. i'm still trying to write the roommate!bucky!AU and i hate everything. i know how i want it to play out, more or less, but anything more than the bare bones of it makes me want to sob. i've been at this for five weeks and i haven't even written 900 words.

i might change my idea for another one so that i'll have more time, but i'm also very stubborn. maybe i can still trick it somehow.

2. delete this from my brain

jesus christ okay. let's do this.

the amount of bad movies i have watched because of good actors is, frankly, obscene, and i still have my live talk through of george blagden's blood moon in my whatsapp history somewhere (my friend loves me), but what really took the cake for me was the covenant.

now let me reiterate that i will proceed to make fun of this movie until it dies and then turns in its grave multiple times and dies again; this is simply due to my not believing this should (or really could) ever have been made. i'm sure whoever did this made other things that are good. to me, personally, this was not. spoilers, i guess, if you want to care about that. i wouldn't. don't watch this.

picture this: it's the week before my birthday last summer. i have about ten days left to write a paper i don't want to write. i'm left unsupervised. i decide to watch a sebastian stan movie at 11am.

i'm seven minutes in when i start losing my mind.

now i'd heard about the movie before. i'd, at some point, seen that convention interview where a fan told sebastian they'd been a fan of his since the covenant and anthony mackie then proceeded to make fun of him; needless to say, i was intrigued. the basic premise is that four guys belong to the four surviving witch families of the salem witch trials who made a covenant (hah) that gave them magic powers. alright. this seemed interesting enough for 2006. what's the worst that could happen, i think.

the movie starts with a very long intro that looks like it'd been made with powerpoint. it probably was. it tells you the basic premise again until you want to beg it to finally stop the exposition and continue, for the love of god. it gets worse from here.

we cut to a college party. someone projectile vomits; that is not an exaggeration. i'm starting to feel sick. i watch white frat boys run from the police. someone jumps off a cliff. suddenly chace crawford appears. the dialogue is abysmal. i'm not even ten minutes into the movie and have already started to accept my fate.

from sebastian stan's very first appearance i can already tell he's going to be the antagonist. even at this point, i can't blame him. every other character in the movie is a wet blanket. i never learn any characters' names besides chase collins.

i frankly blank out for a while. the romance between the two main people is tragic, in the sense that they have nothing in common, no chemistry and i don't care about either of them. i guess the girl is smart-ish and the guy is the main magic boy (mmb) of the four. neither have any discernible personality.

sebastian goes all out for this film. it's sad, in a sense, because he's acting for his life and everyone else is like a high school drama teen that's just been weaned off their script. i'm starting to suspect he's contractually obligated to only play characters with big bi energy. i tell this to my friend. she ignores me. i'm left to deal with this on my own.

in a surprise twist, we find out that there is, in fact, a fifth son of ipswich (that's the magic boys' stupid nickname. i didn't google that that just flashed back into my mind like the vivid memory of a nightmare.) and it's chase collins. by talos, this can't be happening. it is. there is no way out.

why is chase collins the only notable character, you might ask. is it because he is played by sebastian stan? well, yes and no. this is the point i start losing my mind.

imagine you're writing a fantasy movie and you have four (i hesitate to say it) strong male main characters plus a bonus female one and an antagonist. who do you give the core character motivation to?

this, of course, is a trick question. the answer should be "all of them", but when in doubt, giving it to your main character should do the trick. that's how children's books work. to paraphrase starkid, "what's that one concrete goal that motivates all your actions? and if you don't have one of those, how is anyone supposed to sympathize with you, paul?"

so what do these absolute units do in this movie? they make their antagonist the only one with a goal, and thus the only one with a motivation, and thus the only person driving the plot of the movie.

you see, it turns out that using magic is actually bad for you. you get "the power" when you are thirteen and you "ascend" at eighteen, which just means you get more power. good. great. thing is, the more you use your power, the more addictive it will become, and the more it will eat up your life, because your power is your life. to quote myself, "sound concept, bit stupid, but works." power is life, life is power. sure.

now our main character antagonist chase was adopted as a child and grew up in a different town, so no one told him this very important piece of information that continually using your power will literally kill you. his natural reaction to running out of power after he turned eighteen thus is "i need more power in order to survive". that is a good motivation for a villain to have.

he is now waiting for the antagonist mmb to turn eighteen, so he will ascend, so that chase can take his powers from him and use them for himself so that he can continue living. again, that is a good fucking motivation for a character.

now, this is the part that truly boggles my mind to this day, the question that is burned into my brain. why the fuck would you make a movie in which your only proper character is the villain. why would you do that. the protagonists don't give me shit. i don't know anything about them apart from the fact that their names are stupid and they don't do anything useful with their powers for the entirety of this movie's overly long runtime. i am baffled.

the final big fight scene happens. it's atrocious to look at. chase temporarily seems to turn into spiderman and utters the fucking iconic sentence "oooh, witchy" and the even more iconic sentence "are you going to be my wiatch". (edit: i apologise. i refused to look anything up apart from my own ramblings at the time. it’s actually "how about i make you my wiatch." somehow i feel this is both better and worse.) mmb wins. i boo.

after it's over, we never see chase's corpse. the possibility of a sequel is frightening me. thankfully, to this day, it hasn't happened. i fear for the day they change their mind.

i don't remember anything that fucking happened that didn't involve his character, so here are some more amazing insane sebastian moments from the movie. there's a locker room scene where he's wearing his shirt open and enjoys getting punched in the face a little too much. in another bad fight scene he does a backflip over a car. he is the fucking god of gymnastics. "just think of yourself as a sacrificial lamb," he tells mmb shortly before calling him "brother" and kissing him on the mouth. he menacingly stands in the middle of a rainy road in the middle of the night, reciting nursery rhymes, waiting to cause a car accident. i think it kills one of the magic boys. he definitely kills another guy, and kidnaps the mmb's "love interest" before setting a building on fire. i don't even remember the details. everyone fucking sucked. i thought about this insanity of a film for a week straight.

if you made it til here and think "i want to see what this is", don't. i can guarantee my summary of this movie was more entertaining than the actual film. if you want a small bite that doesn't taste of cardboard and bile, i can highly recommend this video of interviews intercut with some of the scenes (do yourself a favour and turn on the captions), and this fanfic that continues the story in a coherent way and in that accomplishes more than the film ever did. thank you.

this is about one and a half times the length of my wip.

[hwajin]

Lyrics

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.5K

Note: I hope this is better than yesterdays story omg, hope you like it. Happy 3rd December to everyone, enjoy☃️

Changbin couldn't help but glance at you. The way your eyes were closed, the way your mouth was opened and little sighs were coming out of it as you peacefully slept next to him in the studio he booked for the night. He was working on a new song and asked you if you wanted to visit him which you gladly accepted to. Since it was quite late already, though, and tiredness took over you rather quickly you fell asleep in seconds while Changbin was still writing on the new song. He smiled slightly watching you, happy that you were here even while asleep. Just looking at you brought him internal peace. Changbin surely didn't know how you were able to do it, how you could have such an effect on him without even doing one thing, but it helped him incredibly while writing music. You definitely were his inspiration.

You suddenly scrunched your eyebrows together, jumping in your sleep before opening your eyes in a shocked expression, looking like you just had a bad dream. The boy in the chair next to you fixated his eyes on your figure, slight worry visible in them, questioning what the reason for your sudden waking was. You blinked your eyes in a confused manner multiple times, the shocks of your nightmare rushing through your body. You needed a couple of moments before you understood where you were, feeling relieved as soon as your eyes finally found Changbins.

"Hey babe, are you okay?", he asked with a calming voice, eyes compassionate. You saw how he was still working on his project, the sheet of paper he started writing on almost fully filled at this point. You wondered if he took a break even once, but you figured that he just worked the whole time you have been asleep. You nodded slightly at his question, flashing him a tired smile.

"Mhm, I just had a weird dream. I don't even remember it anymore, I just know it was creepy.", you shuddered a little bit at the way your body remembered the feeling of the dream, not knowing even one bit of it anymore. You stretched your sore muscles extensively since the nap stiffened you up, the little armchair not being the most comfortable place to sleep in. When you turned your eyes to look at Changbin again you realized that he still had his eyes on you which made you blush slightly. The way his eyes were almost burning into you, but with a rather loving stare, made butterflies go off in your stomach. It was crazy how you still felt like this even after months dating him, but the feeling you had whenever Changbin was around stayed exactly the same since the very beginnings of your relationship. When you thought about it, your love might even have intensified.

Changbin still stared at you without saying a word, making you shift in your seat nervously.

"What?", you said chuckling, not breaking eye contact. He might have made you nervous, but you weren't so weak as to separate your eyes from him.

After your question Changbin was the one to blush. You didn't know why suddenly now was the moment for his cheeks to turn pink since he stared at you shamelessly before, but he disconnected his eyes quickly from you and placed them on his laptop screen. Has he not realized that he's been staring at you? You kind of liked that thought, giggling slightly at the cuteness of your boyfriend. You took some time to admire his side profile before standing up from your chair and walking over to Changbin, hugging him from behind, reaching down to his stomach while laying your head on the top of his. You felt him relaxing into your touch immediately, indicating that he, in fact, didn't take a break while you were asleep. Looking at the clock you realized that you have been with him in the studio for over two hours now, shaking your head at your hardworking boyfriend.

"Changbin, take a break.", you muffled into his hair. It smelt nice, like sunlight in cold winter days.

"I can't, I need to finish those lyrics. I have the melody, but the lyrics...", Changbin trailed off, but you knew he wanted to say something else.

"I- I kinda wrote the lyrics f- for you.", he said quietly after hesitating for a bit.

Your heart heated up at his words, feeling honored, feeling loved that he dedicated a song to you. Changbin turned around in his seat and looked at you, taking your hands into his.

"I know it's cheesy, but you inspired me, I couldn't help it."

The way he said it made it sound like he was sorry, which you found quite amusing. Here he was, writing a whole song for you, admitting that you're his inspiration and still feeling sorry for it. Hell, it was cheesy, but you loved it so much.

"Can I read them?", you asked excitedly, curious to hear the whole song as soon as it was done.

Changbin didn't look convinced at your words at first, debating whether he was ready to show you the words he wrote for you. He found your eyes, shining with excitement and love, smile warming, and he melted at the sight of you. God, how could he say no to this face?

He gave you a shy smile and placed his hands on your waist. You let yourself guide into his lap, curling up into his steady chest as soon as you were comfortable. His buff, muscular arms, which you always had a weakness for, held you close to his body, making you feel cozy in his embrace.

"Here.", he said quickly while giving you the piece of paper with his messy notes on.

"Just, don't look at me while you’re reading them, I'm already embarrassed.", he said. His statement wasn't necessary at all, you could tell just by looking at him: he was a blushing mess and after he gave you the paper he did this thing with his hands he always does when he's nervous or embarrassed. You knew he couldn't stay still when he felt like that, which you always found charming about him.

"Don't worry, I won't. I will just make fun of you afterwards.", you said teasingly, causing him to let out this loud laugh of his.

"Yaahhh, Y/N, then give me this back, you're not allowed to read it then.", Changbin said, fake annoyance audible in his voice while he attempted to grab the paper. Your reflexes were faster though and your hand with the sheet flew up, holding it away from your boyfriend’s fingers. Changbin stretched his body after the paper, unintentionally coming closer and closer to your face, before your lips were only millimeters away. You took the chance without much thinking, pressing your lips against his plump, soft ones, catching your boyfriend completely off guard. You noticed how he started kissing you back after the shock of the sudden kiss wore off, so you quickly disconnected your lips again, smirking at him mischievously.

"Wh- what was that for?", he said with puppy eyes, looking up at you in the cutest way possible. You chuckled at his expression.

"To shut you up so you can let me read the lyrics.", you said, focusing your eyes on the sheet of paper in your hands, excited to finally read the words Changbin wrote in dedication to you. The moment you started reading his words you felt Changbin shift nervously underneath you. You found it cute how shy he was about this when in fact it was the best thing anyone has ever done for you.

The lyrics weren't as cheesy as you expected them to be. They were quite motivating, in fact. He wrote about how he was able to find his way out of hard times because of you, how you guided him through his life safely, how he could rely on you whenever he needed to. He wrote them smartly, though. If he didn't say that those lyrics were about you you wouldn't have noticed. But knowing that this was dedicated to you, knowing that he thought of you like this almost brought tears to your eyes. He obviously told you multiple times that he loved you, but you never knew he felt like this about you.

Finishing reading the lyrics you looked up at him, a huge smile painted across your face.

"Changbin, I didn't know you thought about me like that.", you told him your honest opinion. You saw how his expression changed, his nervous eyes slightly turning into ones filled with slight confusion, but mostly love.

"I know, I'm better at writing stuff like this down. Do- ahhh, do you like it?", he said nervously, body shaking once again due to his embarrassed state. You chuckled at his pointless question. As if there was any other option other than liking this masterpiece of a song. And you haven't even heard the melody to it yet.

"Binnie, I love this. I wanna hear the whole thing when it's done, I already know that this will be my favourite song ever.", you said before capturing his lips in a quick kiss.

Changbin let out a laugh once again while you laid your head down on his chest, watching him finish the song before you drifted off, listening to his steady heartbeat and regular breathing.

[bowithoutadaemon]

... I have too much shit to get done and basically no energy to do any of it.

2nd of March (so two days from now) I have to hand in a filled out financial assistance form. For that I need to go print some stuff out at the copy shop and also make copies of some stuff. Easy. But for filing the forms out I need to figure out what those 3 forms even want. Figure out where to put the money my dad gives me each month (it's not technically income since it's a loan I need to pay back in full, but the fuck is is?) And I need to figure out that the fuck my rent is right now. For that I need to understand 4 legal documents my landlord sent to me in November (and then also maybe finally like sent my landlord the signed documents back like he asked....)

No idea how to get help with the documents from my landlord. So I'll probably call them tomorrow. As for the forms I have some hope the help sites I found will be helpful. I'm not the first person having to fill out a Wohngeld application, so that'll be fine.

But I have my doubts I'll get it all done until Tuesday. Soooo I'll also have to call that office to ask for an extension and offer to already hand in the stuff I can.

On the 15th I need to hand in one homework on "Is political activism a method of green social work?" 10 pages including cover and literature list, so like 8 pages of writing. I haven't even started researching what the fuck green social work actually is. All I know is that like two professors suggested I look into it because it seems up my alley. Thankfully the one paper I looked at said "political activism is undoubtedly the most important method of green social work" so I am hoping the paper isn't gonna be too hard to write. ... idk I find stuff easier to write if the answer to your leading research question is a hard yes (or a hard no).

But idk if I can do it in two weeks while also figuring Wohngeld shit out. So the best course of action would be to call my professor to let her know I might need an extension. She made it pretty clear she doesn't give extensions if you ask for them too near the deadline but she didnt really say what exactly she meant by that. So two weeks to deadline seems a save time to ask. But one week to deadline seems maybe too close. Because for the homeworks she is exclusively reachable for 1 hour each Monday only...

And at the end of March I need to also hand in a 10-12page homework in a different course. For that i need to talk to my professor about my chosen topic. Which i only kinda have chosen...

But with this professor I can communicate over email. And she also said extensions are no problem at all because pandemic. So I feel alright letting that one sit a bit longer. Though I have given myself the deadline of the 15th to write the first email with a topic suggestion.

All the while there is still several shit storms happening at work requiring my attention, several team meetings a week (between 2 and 4, each at least 2 hours long usually 3 hours) and reading a lot of stuff...

And there also still is a pandemic which lately has really started to push me back into being kinda agoraphobic, very anxious and depressed. So low energy, unable to concentrate and want to sleep like 16 hours a day. ...

tldr I need to call several people to prevent bad consequences and i have too many things going on and my mental health is bad.

[trinityadhd]

Hiya! After a bunch of extensive research, I'm 95% sure I have ADHD/ADD. The problem is, my parents are very reluctant to get me a therapist already when I tell them I need one for my anxiety. They're convinced that I just need to get out more. First, they said I'd feel better when school started, now I just need a job to keep me busy. Life is "too nice"for something to be mentally wrong with me. I haven't even brought ADHD up with my parents because I know they won't take me seriously... (1/2)

“ ... And they'll probs just tell me I "convinced myself" I have it and need to "stop overthinking things, (tell me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure overthinking is a symptom of ADHD anyway) and just further gaslight me. My dad doesn't think I need therapy, but is a but willing to pay for me to have a single session. I forget what I was originally going to ask, but do you have any suggestions for my situation, maybe how to convince my parents to take me seriously or to get a quick diagnosis? (2/2)”

Hey! That totally sucks, my dude, I’m sorry your parents aren’t supportive. From my own experience (not related to ADHD, but still similar), I found that taking the most important parts of my research and basically presenting them to my parents (if you just give them papers or links they might not read it, you gotta assert yourself and prove you’re really serious) got them to understand me more. When I needed help for my anxiety it took a breakdown for me to finally get that help, and I don’t want that for you (part of it was that I kept internalizing it, I’m happy you’re much more upfront about it!). 

I don’t think a “quick diagnosis” really exists. Testing is different for children and adults and being a young adult it’s possible you’ll be tested as an adult and I don’t know how long that process can take (I would ask Mom but she’s busy getting ready for her wedding this weekend!).

Jump on that opportunity to see a therapist and voice your concerns to them, maybe even ask for a referral to a specialist. You could also speak to your GP about it and ask for a referral from them too. Your parents are more likely to listen to the suggestions of a professional.

Good luck, be brave, you got this!