#i still have the same problems. but at least they are cheaper problems now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ms-demeanor · 3 months ago

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On insurance: I still live with my parents and don't know a lot yet about the sorts of things adults usually have to spend money on. I've always been skeptical of things like insurance and credit cards because it seems to me they wouldn't be selling that if they didn't expect to make money from it. I talked to my cousin a while ago about credit cards and basically came to the conclusion that they do that because they're betting on the customer getting sloppy and letting their debts stack up, and the way you beat that and get money from credit card companies is just by being careful.

I'm a little more confused about insurance though because it seems much more straightforwardly like a gamble they will simply not take if it won't pay off for them. Like, you don't go to a casino because every game they play at a casino is one they've done the math on and have determined that statistically most people will lose money on most of the time. Is insurance not kinda the same? Where they estimate the risk and then charge you an amount calculated to make sure it probably won't be worth it for you?

I know if you have a car you legally need car insurance so everyone knows you can pay for another car if you crash into someone, and I gather that here in the US at least health insurance companies have some kinda deal with hospitals so that the prices go down or something, and there's a reason I don't fully understand why not having health insurance is Really Bad. But we get to pet insurance, or like when I buy a concert ticket and it offers ticket insurance in case I can't make it to the show, and surely if they thought they were gonna lose money on that they just wouldn't sell it, right? Or they'd raise the price of it until it became worth the risk that something bad actually will happen? Wouldn't it only be worth it to buy insurance if you know something the insurance company doesn't?

So the deal is that most people don't use their insurance much, and often insurance companies will incentivize doing things that will make you use your insurance less.

So, for example, you can get a discount on car insurance if you have multiple cars because people who insure multiple cars are more likely to be responsible drivers (the ability to pay for multiple cars stands in as a representation of responsibility here). The longer you go without an accident, the lower your premiums get because that means that you are not costing your insurance company anything but you are paying into the system. The car insurance company's goal is to have the most responsible, safest drivers who never get into car accidents because they can predict (roughly) how much they're going to have to pay out to their customers and they want the number they pay out to be lower than what's paid in. So they try to discourage irresponsible drivers by raising their rates and encourage responsible drivers by giving them discounts.

Health insurance companies often do the same thing: I recently got a gift card from my health insurance company because I had a visit from a nurse who interviewed me about my overall health and made sure I had stable blood pressure and access to medications. It is literally cheaper for my insurance company to give me a $100 giftcard and hire a nurse to visit me than it is for me to go to my doctor's office a couple of times, so they try to make sure that their customers are getting preventative care and are seeing inexpensive medical professionals regularly so that they don't have to suddenly see very expensive professionals after a long time without care.

Insurance in the US has many, many, many problems and should be replaced with socialized healthcare for a huge number of reasons but right now, because it is an insurance-based system, you need to have insurance.

We're going to use Large Bastard as an example.

Large Bastard had insurance when he had his heart attack and when he needed multiple organs transplanted. He didn't *want* to be paying for insurance, because he thought he was healthy enough to get by, but I insisted. His premium is four hundred dollars a month, and his out of pocket maximum is eight thousand dollars a year. That means that every year, he pays about $5000 whether he uses his insurance or not, and if he DOES need to use the insurance, he pays the first $8k worth of care, so every year his insurance has the possibility of costing him thirteen thousand dollars.

The bill for his bypass surgery was a quarter million dollars.

The bill for his transplant was over one and a half million dollars.

His medication each month is around six hundred dollars. He needs to have multiple biopsies - which are surgeries - each year, and each one costs about twenty thousand dollars.

Without health insurance, he would very likely be dead, or we would be *even more* incapable of paying for his healthcare than we are right now. He almost ditched his insurance because he was a healthy-seeming 40-year-old and he didn't think he'd get sick. And then he proceeded to be the sickest human being I've ever known personally who did not actually die.

Health insurance costs a lot of money. It costs less money for people who are young and who are expected to be healthy. But the thing is, everybody pays into health insurance, and very, very few people end up using as much money for their medical expenses as Large Bastard did. There are a few thousand transplants in the US ever year, but there are hundreds of millions of people paying for insurance.

This ends up balancing out (sort of) so that people who pay for insurance get a much lower cost on care if they need it, hospitals get paid for the care they provide, and the insurance company makes enough money to continue to exist. Part of the reason that people don't like this scheme is because "insurance company" could feasibly be replaced by "government" and it would cost less and provide a better standard of care, but again, with things as they are now, you need to have insurance. Insurance companies are large entities that are able to negotiate down costs with the providers they work with, you are not. If you get hit by a car you may be able to get your medical bills significantly reduced through a number of means, but you're very unlikely to get your bills lower than the cost of insurance and a copay.

Because of the Affordable Care Act, which is flawed but which did a LOT of good, medical insurance companies cannot refuse to treat you because of preexisting conditions and also cannot jack up your premiums to intolerable rates - since Large Bastard got sick, he has had the standard price increases you'd expect from aging, but nothing like the gouging you might expect from an insurance company deciding you're not worth it.

Pet insurance works on the same model. Millions of people pay for the insurance, thousands of people end up needing it, a few hundred end up needing a LOT of it, and the insurance companies are able to make more money than they hand out, so they continue to exist. This is part of why it's less expensive to get pet insurance for younger animals - people who sign up puppies and kittens are likely to be paying for a very long time and are likely to provide a lot of preventative care for their animals, so they're a good bet for the insurer. Animals signed up when they are older are more likely to have health problems (and pet insurance CAN turn animals away for preexisting conditions) and are going to cost the insurance companies more, so they cost more to enroll (and animals over a certain age or with certain conditions may be denied entirely).

This weighing risk/reward is called actuarial science, and the insurance industry is built on it.

But yeah it's kind of betting. The insurance company says "I'll insure ten thousand dogs and I'm going to bet that only a hundred of them will need surgery at some point in the next year" and if they're correct, they make money and the dogs who need surgery get their surgery paid for out of the premiums from the nine thousand nine hundred dogs who didn't need surgery.

Your assessment of credit is correct: credit card companies expect that you will end up carrying a balance, and that balance will accrue interest, and the interest is how they make the money.

And it is EASY to fuck up financially as an adult. REALLY EASY. But you are still likely to need a good credit score so you will need a credit history. That means that the correct way to use a credit card is to have a card, but not carry a balance.

To do this, never buy anything on the card that you can't afford. In order to avoid needing the card for emergencies, start an emergency fund that is at least 3 months of your total pay *before* you get a credit card. That seems like a *lot* of savings to have, but from the perspective of someone who has had plenty of mess-ups, it's a lot easier to build up a $10k emergency fund than it is to pay off a $10k credit card debt.

If you don't understand how interest works on credit cards, or why a 10k savings is different than a 10k debt, here are some examples working with $10k of debt, 23% interest (an average-ish rate for people with average credit), and various payments.

With that debt and that interest, here's how much it costs and how long it would take to pay off with $200 as the monthly payment:

Fourteen years, and it would cost you about twenty four thousand dollars in interest, for a total amount paid of about thirty four thousand dollars.

To save $10k at $200 a month would take four years and two months.

Here's the same debt at $300 a month:

4.5 Years and it costs about six grand (again, just in interest - sixteen thousand dollars total). Saving ten thousand dollars at three hundred dollars a month would take just under three years.

Here's the same debt at $400 a month:

3 years, about $4000 dollars (fourteen thousand dollars total). Saving ten thousand dollars at $400 a month takes just over two years.

The thing is, with all of these models you're going to end up paying one way or another. Insurance vs out of pocket is you weighing the risk of losing a fair amount of money by signing up but not using the system, or potentially losing a catastrophic amount of money by not signing up.

For credit cards they really only work if you know you're never going to need them for an emergency, because an emergency is what you're not going to be able to pay off right away. I didn't have an emergency fund when Large Bastard had his heart attack and needed surgery, or when we moved between states suddenly, or when we moved between states suddenly AGAIN and needed to pay storage costs, or when Large Bastard needed a transplant, or when Tiny Bastard got in a fight with my MiL's dog, and the fact that I didn't have an emergency fund is still costing me a lot of money.

So, young folks out there: what's the takeaway?

Get insurance. Get the best deal possible, which usually ends up being the one you sign up for early. You may think you can let it ride without insurance, but man in the six months between when I graduate college (and lost my school insurance) and when care kicked in after 90 days at my job I got electrocuted and needed to go to the ER. If that hadn't been a worker's comp payout I would have had thousands of dollars in bills. Something could happen. You could break your leg, you could get hit by a car, you could suddenly find out that you actually have heart disease at twenty, you could develop cancer. Have insurance, you need insurance. You legally need car insurance in the US, and you financially need health insurance. If you have a pet, I think it's a good idea for them to have pet insurance.

Credit cards are not for emergencies, they are not for fun, they are not for buying things that are just ever so slightly out of your budget, they are for taking advantage of the credit card company and managing to get by in a system that demands you have a credit score. ONLY put purchases on your credit card that you already have cash for. Before you get a credit card, build up an emergency savings so that you aren't tempted to put emergency charges on your card.

If you DO end up with an interest-bearing debt, pay it off as fast as possible because letting it linger costs you a LOT of money in the long run.

Stay the fuck away from tobacco and nicotine products they are fucking terrible for you, they are fucking expensive, and they are not worth it put the vapes down put the zyns down put the cigarettes down I will begin manifesting in your house physically i swear to fuck. Knock that shit off and put the cash that you'd be spending on nicotine into a savings account.

Take care, sorry everything sucks, I promise that in some ways it actually sucks less than it did before and we're working on trying to make it suck even less but it's taking a while.

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teaboot · 10 months ago

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how do you find/buy sex stuff? I'm sure there are websites, but I don't even know where to start. What would be safe and reputable? Do you have any suggestions, or advice on picking something "good"? Also thank you for opening your asks for stuff like this.

okay, so here's the shake:

I personally believe that you can buy decent sex toys anywhere, providing that:

The listing is honest about the product's materials

You know what to look for

Silicone, glass, and metal are the safest materials you can use. They're the least reactive with natural bodily chemicals and are the least likely to give you problems.

SILICONE: Not 'silicon'- silicon is NOT SILICONE. Slicone solids are never 100% transparent and might, MIGHT appear translucent and foggy at the clearest. Silicon might be shiny OR matte, but if it's matte please know that velvet or soft-touch coatings are most often non-silicone materials added after the toy itself is molded. This is usually fine, but if you know your body is sensitive to that, one brand I know has the texture built into the mold is Fun Factory. It's pricy, but it's high quality and comes with a warranty.

NEVER ASSUME AN ITEM IS SILICONE UNLESS THE ITEM IS DESCRIBED AS SILICONE.

GLASS: Tempered glass is usually fine. If you notice chips, cracks, or hairline fractures in it, bag it up and throw it out.

Metal: Same story. Chipping, flaking, cracks, oxidization, toss it. Acrylic toys with metallic coatings will degrade in contact with oils, unlike actual metal, so be sure to check materials.

People shit on sites like Adam & Eve and Pinkcherry, and yeah those are cheap stores that dont sell the best stuff, but they still have LOADS of good quality product and do frequent sales and clearouts if you're nervous and not looking to drop a lot of cash right off.

If you can afford it, brands I absolutely recommend are Womanizer, Fun Factory, Hitachi (now owned by Vibratex), Tom of Finland, Sinvention, and We Vibe. They're all high-quality and most have warranties for damage or malfunction.

On the cheaper end, Calexotics, Doc Johnson, Evolved, and Ouch!.

Websites like Bad Dragon, Extreme Restraints, and Sinvention are known to have good customer service and high-quality products.

Websites like Adam and Eve, Pinkcherry, and Lovehoney I've heard good reviews for, you just need to be careful about what you buy.

I've yet to encounter a legit site that isn't discrete, btw. Everything is usually sent out in boxes.

Please avoid AliExpress. You CAN buy there, but I don't trust that shit

#Body health #Reproductive health

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ccalhoun · 1 year ago

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carlisle cullen x m!werewolf! reader

warnings: male reader, werewolf reader, imprinting, twilight lore, omegaverse?, forbidden love, reader gets hit by a car lol, love confessions??, esme doesnt exist (still love her tho)

wc: 2.1k

cut for length!

you drove into town in your dad's truck, old and slow. your family hated going into town, and you never understood why, which is why you were on a sort of errands run for them. of course you knew of the cullens in all of their vampire-ness but you never found it as much of a problem, what were the chances you'd run into them anyways?

the laundry list of things to do was long, longer than you'd expected, so last minute you called your friend jess to help keep you company on your long day ahead of you. you picked her up from her cute but humble house and headed towards the first place on your list, newton's olympic outfitter's. "aren't you and one of the newton boys together? mike, right?" you asked as you looked at the list on the seat next to you while pulling out of jess' driveway. it'd been awhile since the last time you'd hung out even though you considered jess to be one of your closer friends, the reservation didn't get good enough phone reception to call as frequently as she wanted.

"uh, no, we broke up actually," she mumbled quickly from the passenger seat next to you. "oh, damn, sorry. what a bitch," you added the last part jokingly, trying to cheer up from the topic. you both laughed it off and continued the drive until you got there, continuing your conversation as you walked into the store. "i just need to get a few things for my sibling(s) and dad, shouldn't take too long," you assured her as you quickly found the first thing on your list. the day went mostly like this, stopping by random shops for the few odd items before the final store on the list, just getting a few groceries that are cheaper to buy in forks. you entered the store and followed the routine as normal, getting whatever you needed and getting out as soon as possible.

caught up in your conversation with jess, you hadn't even noticed the small red car speeding through the parking lot. everything happened so fast all you can remember is walking with jess, hearing her scream, and then being on the ground of the parking lot. "tyler! what the fuck is your problem!" jess yells, you only vaguely hear it before she rushes over to help you sit up. "at least call an ambulance asshole, don't just stand there with your door open!" you heard her yell again before she started to check on you.

before you knew it, you were being taken into an ambulance and rushed to the hospital. the hospital. a shiver runs down your spine and you hear the heart rate monitor pick up its beeping as you realized you're going to the one place in forks where you have been forbidden to go by your family.

you start panicking, trying to get out of the ambulance in any way you can.

"hey, calm down, we're going to put you under for the rest of the ride, okay? we can't help you if you don't let us," you hear the nurse in the back with you say after trying to get you to stop freaking out.

you woke again in a hospital bed, the smell of medicine invading your nostrils immediately and making you sneeze.

"ah, you're awake, and just in time. the doctor's on his way right now." the same female nurse says before finishing up on writing your vitals and waiting for the doctor. your heart drops when you hear her mention him, no doubt it was carlisle cullen. what if he killed you in the hospital, right there, he probably had manipulation powers to make everyone think nothing happened.

"i don't need a doctor, i'm fine, let me go," you rush out as fast as possible while trying to sit up, the action only making you dizzy as the nurse gently laid you back down.

"once the doctor says you're fine you can leave. you only have minimal bruising and a few cuts, you'll be out of here in the blink of an eye," the nurse comforted you, and it seemingly worked as the heart rate monitor went back to normal. you took deep breaths, only a few minutes with the monster and you'd be able to leave and never go into forks again.

you heard footsteps approaching and turned your head to the door, the door knob turned and your heart dropped again, fear pulsing in your veins more than it ever has before. then he stepped into the room and you were filled with a new feeling, your heart started beating faster, and it was like you had tunnel vision on him and him alone. you couldn't hear the busy sounds of the hospital, and you surely didn't notice the nurse standing too close for your liking anymore. the first thing your brain registered was that the doctor had the best smell you've ever encountered, like vanilla, honey, and lavender all at once.

"-use me, sir?" the nurse said, only hearing the last part of whatever she was saying. you adjusted back to reality quicker than you wanted, then you noticed the doctor standing in front you, trying to get your attention for an unknown amount of time.

"cullen," was all you managed to squeak out, staring with wide eyes at the man in front of you. he was better looking than anyone you'd ever seen, like god himself graced the doctor's face. he wasn't what you expected from the stories you've been told. you were told his eyes were empty and loveless, but as you looked at him his eyes were warm and more full of love than a father seeing his newborn baby for the first time.

"i see you're from the reservation, brave of you to come here," his voice was angelic, like he was singing a song only for your ears to hear. you gave him an alarmed look before you could stop yourself, was he threatening you? was your pack right?

"what?" you stuttered out and you were met with a soft, too soft to be real, chuckle and a warm smile from the doctor. "i don't see many of you in the hospital, i was starting to think you've all been avoiding it because of me,"

"they have," your words came before your brain could filter them, his frown was quick and the cutest frown you've ever seen, the kind of frown that made you want to hold him and kiss it away. "sorry, just something the tribe elders told us to do, it's not like any of us hate you," you stumbled over your words, and lied through your teeth. some of the members of your pack hated the cullens like they'd been personally attacked by them. the smile on his lips made your heart skip a beat, which was well documented from the heart monitor you nearly forgot about.

the doctor, carlisle you think, shone a light in your eyes, and then checked your ears, and listened to your heartbeat. his hand was on your chest, and you're sure he could hear the affect it had on you.

"well, good news, you can be released and you already talked to the police so there's no need for you to stay." you didn't think it was possible but your heart dropped again, you'd almost wished you got hurt worse so you could spend more time with him. "i'll finish this paperwork and get it on file as soon as possible, you should be able to leave within the hour. is there anything else you need?" you barely heard the rest of his sentence, still focusing on the fact that you wouldn't be able to stay around the doctor for longer.

"um, would it be possible to talk to you? in private?" you asked sheepishly. you were 110% sure you were imprinting on him, and you were even more sure he was definitely a vampire. you didn't hear any heartbeat, and you were quick to notice his larger than normal canine teeth. your question was met with another warm smile that made your heart restart and a nod.

"yes, of course, let me get you unhooked from the equipment and i'll walk you to my office, okay?" his voice was soft and reassuring, like he knew what you were going through. there was no way he knew that much about werewolves, right? just as he said, he helped you get the various wires off and led you to his office. his door read 'doctor carlisle cullen', you had remembered his name correctly. he opened the door and held it open for you, the gentleman you could only dream of. he closed the door gently but swiftly behind himself.

"please, take a seat. what were you wondering about?" he asked sweetly as he took his own seat and set a few papers before himself. you didn't plan to get this far, you hadn't figured out what you were going to say, so you just said what came to mind first, "i know you're a vampire," your words came out jumbled. he stared at you with a blank look, millions of thoughts racing through his head. you picked up on his reaction and rushed out the rest, "i'm not gonna expose you, everyone in the pack knows," hardly comforting, but better than him thinking you want to ruin his life. he let out a small noise of understanding, and that itself made your heart skip another beat.

"what is it you came here to tell me?" his voice was colder now, but still melodic like he planned his words for centuries.

"i'm sure you know about, you know, the whole werewolf thing," you paused as you spoke, looking at him to gather his reaction, and he nodded to signal you to continue speaking. "do you know anything about... imprinting?" you whispered the last word like it was poisonous.

"ah, you came to ask about that. i can try to help as much as i can, but wouldn't you prefer someone from your tribe to explain it to you?" carlisle's words were soft and understanding, with a hint of genuine curiosity.

"no, uhm, hold on i think i need a minute," you stuttered out, trying to figure out the least awkward way to explain you think he's your soulmate. you thought for a minute, carefully putting a sentence together before speaking again.

"doctor cullen," you started, "carlisle, i think i," your voice was caught in your throat, but you tried your best to finish you sentence. "i think i imprinted on you," you ripped off the band-aid and rushed it out. you stared at your shoes, though you'd rather be looking at carlisle's godly beautiful face. after a moment of silence you peeked a look at his face to gather if he was upset or not. you couldn't pinpoint the emotion on his face, shock? fear? anger? your heart started beating at an irregular pace again, "i-i'm so sorry, i'll go," you felt tears in your eyes and started to gather the small bag of belongings you were given before his voice stopped you.

"no, no, you're okay. i'm sorry, i didn't know that was possible," for once his words didn't seem as well thought out, it was jarring but his words flowed together as beautiful as always. "and you're sure?" he asked.

"yes, i think, i don't know. i haven't felt this way before, it's just like it was described to me. like you're the only person who actually matters anymore," you spoke freely, which surprised you.

"hm, well, i'm new to this too, we can figure it out together," carlisle's voice was warmer than ever, you felt like a blanket was being placed over you. you smiled and were going to stand up when he was suddenly standing right next to you, you jumped slightly and he let out a playful laugh, his laugh was beautiful, like angels singing in a choir. "apologies, forgot to warn you,"

you stood up and hugged yourself to him, his arms wrapped around you in the best hug you've ever had. he was cold, but you were sure you were warm enough for the both of you. you never wanted to separate from it, and let out a whine when he pulled away, surprising yourself more than you thought you could today.

"i'll tell the hospital something happened with one of the kids and we can talk about this more, if you're okay with it," you agreed quickly, the other patients could wait, how much trouble could happen in forks while you hog him for a little?

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#carlisle cullen x reader #carlisle cullen #carlisle cullen x male reader #male reader #carlisle cullen x you #twilight x you #fluff

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octuscle · 1 year ago

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Hey Cronivac Support,

I dont trust myself with the settings so i am asking you. I am Half German and half Moroccan, and I look German af. Brown hair, brown eyes, big smile and a really white skin. I am thinking what would happen if my appearance were based on my Moroccan genes.

Can you help me out?

Brother, chill out! Have a shisha. Just ignore that there's German shit in your body. Your dick is circumcised. You pray at least once or twice a day. Friday you also go to the mosque… It doesn't matter if there are still German genes in you.

Thursday morning. You will survive the last school year at the Gymnasium. What comes after that, you don't know yet. Something with languages might make sense. Your mother tongues are Arabic, German and French. And you are actually quite good in English and Spanish at school. But you also enjoy science. First lesson today is chemistry. Stoichiometry. Actually very interesting. But somehow you have more and more problems to understand your teacher. When he approaches you, you start to stammer. You can't think of the right words. "Youssef, you are welcome to answer in English, if that is easier for you." You sigh in relief. German is really a difficult language. And even though you have a German grandmother, German was never spoken much at home….

During the break, you hang out with your brothers. Talk about soccer, cars, the usual stuff. Smoke an e-cigarette to go with it. And you make an appointment for the afternoon at the gym. Then it's off to the workshop at the vocational school. Metalwork. Hey, you're not training to be a car mechanic so you can mill toys out of metal plates. You want to become a car tuner. And create really hot cars. Your vocational school teacher is from Syria. Fled a few years ago. He speaks much better German than you do. You've only been in Europe for two years. Your mother had the French and the Moroccan passport, so you could immigrate relatively easily. But you didn't understand why you had to move to Germany. Some of your pals now live in Marseille. You would have found that cool, too… But Stuttgart? Just because your father found a good job as an engineer here at Mercedes? Anyway, you're a fighter, you'll survive Swabia.

Lunch is at the snack bar of a former colleague of your father. He has saved up enough money on the assembly line for his own snack bar. And now he makes the best falaffels in town. On weekends, you help out a little. You can always use the extra money. And that way you also get the food cheaper. Since you've been in training, you no longer get pocket money from your parents. You are the eldest son, you now have to do your share to feed the family. And if you are the first to have a vocational qualification here, your chances of getting a permanent right to stay are also the best. If only it weren't for this terrible language…

Gym, auto repair shop, vocational school, Gym…. Your daily routine is somehow always the same. Your boss is also a Muslim, from Turkey, so you have tomorrow afternoon off to go to the mosque. But you also have to work on Saturday. But you are grateful that you have the job. And you can afford your car and the gym. It was not easy to come to Europe. It cost your parents almost all their savings. And now it's your damn duty to succeed and support your family. For that you learn to be a car mechanic, for that you sell falaffel on weekends. That's why you mop the gym floors and clean the toilets at night. You even study German for that. However, this has already brought you a few thousand followers. Your picture from the last workout has 800 likes after just half an hour. Let's see, maybe new opportunities to become rich and famous will develop. You have the right gene pool!

Pic of your latest workout found @tufas

#male tf #muscle tf #reality change #chronivac #male transformation #muscle transformation #race change

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literary-motif · 4 months ago

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Two Weeks

Alex x Reader

You continue sharing an apartment with Alex after he breaks up with you. The past weighs heavily.

“So is this going to be us intensely avoiding each other for as long as I stay here or—?” Alex let his sentence trail off. You did not turn around to face him, silently continuing to make yourself a cup of tea.

It was only for two weeks, after all. Two weeks, and you would be rid of him forever.

Kicking him out of the apartment had felt like a cruelty you could not bring yourself to do to him. Two weeks had felt like nothing at all, considering the two years you had been together with him. You could continue living with him until his flight went to the US — at least you told yourself you could.

“What do you want me to say?” you replied dismissively, picking up the cup and turning to face him. “Did you expect everything to stay the same?”

“No!” he said exasperatedly.

His hair was disheveled. You knew he ran his hands through it repeatedly when he was frustrated. The thought that the situation weighed as heavily on him as it did on you offered you at least a little comfort.

You took a sip of your tea.

“But I thought we could at least be civil — be friends, even!”

You could not help the incredulous laugh from slipping past your lips. “Friends?” you said, with a humorless chuckle. “Honestly Alex, you’re delusional. What did you think would happen? You broke up with me, telling me you were leaving the country in less than a month! What—? Do you think my life is a joke? Where do you think I— How am I supposed to afford this place alone? Did you think of that, huh? When you told the whole world that you got a prestigious job offer on the other end of the world, did you maybe consider that you were throwing me off the deep end with literally no warning?”

Alex blinked, opening his mouth to reply. He frowned. “You’re well off,” he said, sounding confused. “I never thought that this might be a problem for you. I— I can help you out with rent, I think.”

You shook your head, the fight leaving you with a deep sigh. “Don’t kid yourself,” you said, cradling the warm cup in your hands, “you might make enough to support yourself, but apartments in the States aren’t any cheaper than they are here.”

He sighed as well, leaning against the doorframe and biting his lip. “I’m sorry,” he said, suddenly sounding small. “I— I swear I didn’t mean to. There was just so much going on that I didn’t consider something so fundamental. I mean, I was uprooting my whole life, losing the person I loved” — the past tense stung — “I didn’t consider how leaving would be a financial problem for you.”

You waved a hand in dismissal. “I’ll figure it out,” you mumbled.

Despite things seeming bleak — finding an affordable apartment in London in two weeks was next to impossible — you were confident that everything would click into place eventually. You could support yourself independently. Working at the law firm gave you enough stability to be alright without him.

“What you did hurt me more than anything,” you said quietly, staring into your tea. “Part of me understands your reasoning, but being the last to know about the job offer you planned to accept from the beginning when your decision affected my life so much, felt like a betrayal.”

“I know,” he said, rummaging through a cupboard and pulling out a packet of his favorite biscuits. “After you accused me of cheating, I couldn’t— I couldn’t see you the same way.”

“You know I said that on a whim, right?” you said, looking at him. “It was a stupid accusation, and I didn’t believe it when I said it. You were gone so often that I didn’t know how to express my frustration. I thought you would deny it and move on, seeing it as the overreaction that it was. Instead—” you trailed off. “I didn’t know it would hurt you so much.”

He scoffed, taking a bite of his biscuit. “I can’t imagine anyone would brush off such an accusation. How would you have felt?”

“I see that now. Still, just because you were hurt and angry at me, it did not give you the right to shut me out completely like you did. I get that you thought our relationship had changed, but you did not even talk to me about it.”

“I couldn’t, you were too fixed on Natalie!” he said, raising his voice in frustration. “Every time I tried to talk to you, you made some snide comment about how ‘I was always with Natalie’ or how I was ‘going to go see Natalie,’ when I was working on my career! Do you remember what we said when we first met? Our career always comes first. Always!”

“Yes, but I didn’t love you back then!” you screamed. “How— what are we even comparing? I want to further my career. I would seize every opportunity, but never at the expense of our relationship! I— I always thought we would make it work. I imagined you flying from Paris to New York to take snapshots for magazines that would pay a fortune to have your amazing pictures, but you would be a phone call away when I lost a case. You would be here to give me a victory kiss when I won a tough one.”

“Yeah,” he said, holding out the packet of biscuits. You shook your head, and he gave you a sad smile. “I guess life doesn’t work out how we want it sometimes.”

You looked at him for a long moment, trying to find the person you so loved under the cloud of animosity that had hidden him away lately.

“You know,” you began, taking a sip of your tea to gather the strength for the words you were about to say, “we could still try to work it out if you would be open to giving us another chance.”

Alex bit his lip, searching your gaze. He opened his mouth to reply.

His phone rang, the caller flashing brightly where it lay on the kitchen table. Natalie. “Sorry, let me just—” he said, picking up the call. “We’ll talk later. I need to take this. Hello?”

Your face fell. “Don’t bother,” you mumbled, watching him leave the kitchen.

Two weeks. You could do two weeks.

#sakuverse #zsakuva #alex zsakuva #alex x reader #alex

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saetoshi · 2 years ago

Text

in theory, grocery shopping with reo seemed like a good idea. great, even.

in reality, well, not so much.

you don’t hate it. but you don’t particularly enjoy spending over ten minutes in the same aisle trying to convince reo to pick the cheapest product, either.

you’re not even sure why he wanted to join you. surely he had better things to do. you know you did, at least. (like that essay you should’ve started about three days ago that was due midnight.)

you absentmindedly check the grocery list, frowning when you realize you’d barely even gotten half of the products you were supposed to get.

“what’s the difference between these detergents?”

you look up at reo, raising a brow. “the price?”

he gives you a deadpan look. “no, like, the actual difference.”

“one of them’s got a scent booster,” you point out, “the other one doesn’t.”

he mouth forms a small ‘o’ in understanding. his gaze flickers between the detergents. “so which one’s better?”

“the cheaper one.”

“shut up,” he frowns and sticks his tongue out at you, “i’m being serious.”

you roll your eyes, “i don’t know, you tell me.”

he blinks. “the one with the scent booster, obviously.”

“yeah,” you sigh, “but it’s more expensive.”

“so?”

you cup his cheeks, playfully squishing them. “so, i’m on a budget here, babe.”

“so?” he sounds muffled (it makes you let out a soft laugh.) “just take out that bag of candy you put in the cart?”

you let go of his cheeks, “not a chance.”

he frowns at you, “you shouldn’t even be eating that, it’ll rot your teeth.”

you wave him off, “that’s a problem for the future me.”

he firmly calls your name.

you groan, “i’ll take them out at checkout.”

you move to grab the cheaper detergent when reo beats you and grabs the more expensive one, swiftly putting it in your cart before grabbing your hand and walking away.

“what’re you doing?” you glare at him.

“i’m doing you a favor.” he doesn’t even look back at you, “besides, we should hurry up, it’s getting late.”

“now you care?” the corners of your lips turn up in an amused smile.

you snort when you hear him mutter a ‘whatever’ under his breath.

the rest of the trip goes by quicker. (or at least as quick as it can go with reo gently trying to convince you to buy the more expensive things while you not-so-gently tell him to back off.)

the checkout is what slows you down, though. what with reo looking over your shoulder to make sure you do leave the candy bag behind, and the hushed argument you both have when you realize you also have to leave behind some slightly less important items from your list to accommodate the things reo snuck into your cart.

you’re still frowning when you walk out of the store. “i cannot believe you really made me leave behind my candy.”

you glare at him. “i really hate you, you know.”

“no you don’t.” he stretches his free arm above his head. “besides, you’ll get over it.”

you give him an amused smile, “and what if i don’t?”

“then,” he smiles at you, “just know that next time, i’m paying for your groceries, candy included.”

“next time?” you laugh, “what makes you think i’m ever bringing you with me again?”

he shakes your arm, “please, you loved having me around.”

“plus,” he playfully smiles, “it’s an educational experience to shop with the lower class.”

you kick the back of his shin, and he lets out a loud laugh.

“way to rub it in.” you quickly place your free hand in his. he’s even quicker to lace his fingers with yours.

“yeah, yeah, whatever.” he squeezes your hand, “let’s just get you home so you don’t blame me when you miss the deadline for your essay.”

so, you both make your way back home. candy-less, penniless, but full of laughter as you tug on reo’s hand all the way to the train station.

#little rich boy reo who knows nothing about grocery shopping #i am also spreading this agenda #he’s SO hehshehs #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk reo #reo mikage #mikage reo #reo x reader #mikage reo x reader #reo x you #mikage reo x you

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bluesest · 4 months ago

Note

Hello. I had an idea for a while. A guy named Jorge with a plump bubble butt unknowingly ingested dairy when he's lactose intolerant and suffers nasty explosive diarrhea all day and shits himself at least three times in the same day.

A Lactose Distract

Jorge was a young sportsman and independent, he lives alone so he takes care of the household chores such as cleaning, cooking and shopping.

Every end of the month, Jorge goes to a supermarket where he is in charge of buying groceries from home, he made sure that they have enough protein to maintain and grow his muscle mass even more, he had barely been in a local gym for a month and his muscles were still not marked, He always thought the gym would be the same as sports, but he found it even harder to see results, aware that it only takes a short time for him to expect more from his body.

He concentrated on taking foods such as red meat and fish, great foods to support his development, or well, that's what his coach told him, another food was dairy that helped by providing calcium, however, he could not afford to eat this type of food because he was lactose intolerant.

Jorge struggled with this problem since he was a teenager, one of his habits was to eat ice cream every Sunday but little by little this generated problems: first gas that gained a terrible smell and that used to last a long time, then stomach pains such as colic and finally an incredible desire to evacuate his bowels, he remembered how one of those days when trying to fart he literally shit himself with thick and bad diarrhea This problem continued until his lactose intolerance was detected, and from that moment on, Jorge dedicated himself to taking care of his diet.

He used a dairy replacement, i.e., lactose-free products such as lactose-free milk, among others. Whenever he went shopping, he made sure to check his milk cartons and read his labels.

This specific day he bought 3 cartons of lactose-free milk, next to him was an old woman who bought regular milk, she left her shopping cart next to Jorge's while he was distracted by seeing a sign with the week's offers, the old woman got confused about her cart and took Jorge's (both shopping carts only carried milk cartons).

Jorge turned to look at his new cart and confidently did not check its contents, ready to continue with the shopping day. An hour passed and he was already paying when the first warning flashed, the milk had an irregular price, that is, cheaper, but he did not give it importance and thought that it was just an offer that he did not realize existed.

He came home and restocked his fridge with all the food he bought, sat down to watch TV, and fell fast asleep.

After a three-hour nap Jorge got hungry, he took cereal with milk and helped himself to two dishes, they had a different flavor, a sweeter one, but again he didn't think about it, he thought: "Maybe now they put more sugar in this cereal"

An alarm distracted him from his thoughts, it was his digital hand watch, it only meant one thing: his daily jog to the park. He dressed in black leggings and a gray shirt, grabbed his phone and headphones, and jogged out of his house, but without first making himself a milkshake to drink in the park and relax.

He reached the halfway point when he stopped, ignored the music on his phone and closed his eyes: *GRRRRRRRRRRRRR* that was the sound that generated his stomach, it was so loud that Jorge managed to hear it even with his headphones on, took his arm and began to feel his stomach.

"Ufffffffffff, what was that? Am I hungrier? It's a good thing I save my milkshake for problems like these."

He took his thermos out of a small bag he was carrying and finished taking it all in one sip, his stomach stopped his annoying noises and Jorge decided to continue with his daily jog.

When he arrived at the park his stomach rumbled again, but this time a small pain invaded his body, he stopped and this time he turned off his headphones and put them away, put his hands on his hip and looked at the sky closing his eyes: "I don't think it's hunger... I've already eaten a lot in a very short time, but my stomach feels so bad..."

His back bent and he bent down keeping his hands on his hips and his eyes closed *GGGRRRRRR* "What's happening to me... I'm sweating a lot...?" he lifted his head *GRGRGGRGRGR* "I feel... Feel... something inside my stomach, could it be...?" he opened his eyes and relaxed his stomach... *pftftfftft* "uuggghhhh, I had a fart stuck *GRGRGGGRRRR* and I think I have another one... *PPFFTTFTFpfptptf* this one was even worse, ufffffff yes it sucks *GRGRGRGGRRGR* Oh no, here comes a big one"

*PFPPPTFPTPPTPTFTPF* *PRPRRPPSPSS* *PFFFTT*

Time froze, Jorge opened his eyes as wide as he could and led his left arm to his stomach and his right to his bubble butt, it was real, the unthinkable happened, an adult shit his pants:

"Oh no no no no, how could this happen? What should I do? I didn't even feel like going to the bathroom!"

*GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

"But now I can feel it."

He repositioned his arms and running with all his might fled the park, he didn't want people to find out what happened through the terrible smell that enveloped his body, from afar you couldn't visualize any stain thanks to the dark color of the leggings, however, if you pay attention you can see a small lumpy bulge on the back of the tight pants.

*GGRGRGRGGRGRGRGRGR* *GRGRGGRGRGRGR*

"Not again, please!"

*PFPPFPFFPFPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTFPF*

"UGH"

*PRRRRRRRRR*

"I don't understand, that I could have eaten enough for this to happen to me, I hadn't shit my pants since I was a teenager!"

*GRRRRRRRRRGRGGRGRGRGRGRGR*

Sweating and with his tired legs he managed to visualize his house in the distance, when he touched his garden he felt an annoying stomach pain that prevented him from continuing running, Jorge felt that the shit was approaching his back door trying to knock it down and come outside, with each movement the rancid mixture turned and hit Jorge's large intestine.

He took the same position as before, one arm to his stomach and the other to his butt to apply pressure to prevent his underpants from ending up in a big mess and shaking, Jorge grabbed the keys to his house and quickly opened the front door.

"I must get there, I can't hold on, WHY THE HELL DID THEY BUILD THE BATHROOM BY GOING UPSTAIRS?! ugghhhhhh"

*PFTFTFTFTFTFTTFTTFTTFTF*

Climbing the stairs was quite a challenge, his diarrhea was struggling to get out and his tense and tired muscles were not strong enough to try to climb the stairs by jumping or running, but despite this Jorge managed to reach the top and dazzle the open bathroom door.

He arrived, left his bathroom door open, pulled down his tight leggings and underpants with various proofs of the stomach mess, and sat down on the neat, clean porcelain.

*PPFFPPTPPTFPTPFTPPTPFPTPPPPT* *PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRP* *SQHHSHQSSHHQSQHSHHSHSQHSQHSQHSQ* *PFFTTFTFTFTFTFT*

Jorge lived alone, so he didn't limit himself to containing whatever was wrong with his stomach.

*PRPPRLLLTLTLTLTLLTLTLTLTLT* *BRLLARRSRASAPPAPPAPPAPPAPPABRLRLRLRR* *PRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* *PLOP* *PLOP*

"Oh it can't be, what did I eat enough for this to happen to me?, and why right in the park?!"

*BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* *SQUASHSHHSSHSHSHSSS* *GRRRRR* *PFFFFFFTTFTFTFTTF* *PRPRPRPRSQHBQHSHSQHHSQHQHQ* *SHHHHHHHHHHH*

"Oh... no, something is coming..."

*PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR* *HQSHSHSHQHSHQSHQ* *BKERKEBRKBEBEKEKLREEEEE* *RRRRRRRRPSSSSSSSSTRTRTTRR* *PFFFTTT* *PLOP* *PFFTFTFTFTFTFTTF* *PLOP*

"Aghhhh, I think I'm done"

Jorge took a large piece of toilet paper, folded it and slowly and carefully passed it on his burning butt, and before throwing the first piece away, Jorge stood up with his butt in the air and looked down in the toilet, the accumulated fecal material was disgusting, thick and full of lumps with a dark brown color, Jorge could swear he saw a bubble.

He sat back down and finished his work by using up half a roll of paper, flushed the toilet and left the stinking bathroom, leaving the door open for the rotten smell to disappear.

He sat down on the couch in his living room and grabbed a washcloth to wipe his sweat: "What the hell was that, I hadn't felt bad in the morning, I watch my diet, is it something in my trainer's new diet?"

*GRRRRRRRRRRR*

"Oh! My stomach is really burning inside."

*PFFFTTTT* *GRRRRRR*

"I'm so gassy, ugh, I think a nap wouldn't hurt me..."

*PPFFFFFFFFFTTTTT*

"And so I think my stomach is going to relax."

Jorge went back up the stairs with his hands massaging his stomach, he undressed, got to his room and lay down dropping on the bed, closing his eyes and with one last fart his mind shut down closing his eyes.

2 hours later...

*GRRRRRRRRRRR*

Jorge opened his eyes in a cold sweat, lifted his back and massaged his stomach again, the great pain and stomach roars lifted him, the sweat consumed him covering every part of his body especially his big butt and between legs.

Jorge looked down to see his weakened stomach, but something underneath alarmed him, he pulled his butt away and saw something terrifying: a giant brown stain covering the white blankets of his beloved bed.

Jorge was going to scream until a stabbing pain came over him:

*GGRGRGRGRGRGRGRGGRG*

"Oh God!"

He jumped up from his bed and ran naked to his bathroom without success because little by little wet gases came out of him, staining his ass more with dry shit:

*PPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTTF*

*BRBRBRBRBRBBR* *PFPFPTPTPFTPTT*

*PRRRRRRRPFFTFTF*

"I can feel melted lava mixing with trash inside my rectum!"

Almost slipping, Jorge reached the prized toilet which retains the smell and small brown marks marked on the porcelain from the previous visit to his bathroom.

And with his butt stained, he sat down and freed his stomach a second time:

*PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTFTFTTFTFTFTTFTFTGFTTF* *HQHSHQHHQSHHSQHSQHSQ* *PRPRPRPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* *SHSHHSHSHSHPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTSQQASGGSSSAS* *TRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *BLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRPRRRRR*

"AHHHHHHH, how is this a possible thing?"

*HSHSHSHSHSHSHSQHHSQSQSS* *FFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTRRRRRRRR* *PSPSPSTGHGHGHGHGHGHG* *DRDRDRGRRRRR* *RRRRRRRRRRHRHRHRHHRHHR* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTTFTTFTFFTTF*

Jorge turned his head back, his forehead swam in sweat and his butt was quite sore, there must be a cause for all this, it's not normal diarrhea he wondered until he remembered the cereal he ate:

"It could be..."

*BLRLRLRLTTTRTRTRTTRTR* *POPFTFTFTTFTFTF* *TRTRTRTRTTRTRTRTRTRT* *SHSHHSHSHSHSHSHSHS*

"I have to investigate... But first I need a bath."

Jorge got up from the toilet which thanks to the sweat combined with the dried shit of his butt left stains all over the lid, his clean toilet now looked like one that belongs to a gas station in the middle of the desert where only greasy truckers go.

He took two steps and entered the bathtub, relaxed and let the clean water cover his body replacing the sweat and shit, brown water accumulated and disappeared on Jorge's feet and with a sigh of relief he dried himself with a soft towel and left the tub without first farting.

"I don't think this will end anytime soon..."

He went downstairs when again he felt the pain of an approaching diarrhea, but this did not stop him, he reached the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, checked the cereal and there was nothing strange about it, this gave him a clue to the origin of the problem, Jorge refused to think what he thought it was and bravely took one of the cartons of milk and the news did not hit him, literally:

*GRGRGRGRGRGRGRGRRGRGRGRG*

"So this is responsible for the diarrhea I have!"

*GRGRGRGRGGRGRGRGRGGRGRGRGRGGRGRGRGRGRRR*

"I can't believe it! How did it happen?"

*GRRRRRRRR* *PFFFFFFTFTFTFTFTF*

"I must throw away all this milk... and... I MUST GO TO THE BATHROOM."

Jorge dropped the carton of milk spilling on the floor, with both hands he held his bare butt and started running with all his might:

*PFPPTPTPPTPFPPTPTPTF*

*PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR*

*PPFPTPTPPPFTPPPPPT*

"Come on, stay inside, don't explode!"

He climbed the stairs, but a misstep eventually led him to lose his strength and:

*SPLASH* *PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* *HQSHHQSHSH*

Jorge shit on the stairs, his ass exploded spilling thick brown lava, he was embarrassed, but he still continued on his way letting drops of liquid shit leak out of his tight and strong ass that tried to prevent more shit from staining the stairs without any success.

Walking like a penguin, Jorge finally got to the bathroom, he saw that the toilet lid was still stained, he didn't have time to clean it, but he doesn't have time to clean it now, he slowly put his butt in the dirty toilet and relaxed:

*SQUSQHUSQHHQSHSQUAHSHASHSAHUASASSSJHSSHSHSH* *TRTRTRTTRTRTRTTTTTTRTRTRTRTRTRR* *PFPTPFFPPPTPFPTPFPTPFPPTT* *BRLRLRLRRBRLRLRRRRR* *PTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT*

"AAAAHHHHHH WHY?"

*FPPTPPTPPFPFPPTTPFFPT* *PSJSJQJSJASPALSSPLASH* *FFFFFFFTTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRB* *GRGGRGRGRGRGRGRGRGR*

"Personal note, check purchases before paying... AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH"

*BRRRRRRRRRRRR* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP* "PRPPRPRPRPRPRPRP" *SHHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHS* *TRTRTRTRT* *LRBRRLBTLRLRLTRTLLTB*

"I think ... Forget it!"

*PFTFTFTFTFTFT* *GRGRGRGRGRGRGGRRRRRR* *HDHJQHHJHQDDJHDDH* *PLOP* *SQHQSHHQSHQSQSQ* *TOC* *PLOP* *TLOC* *PFTFTFTFTFTTFTFTFTFTFT*

After 30 minutes Jorge was finally able to get up and set out to clean his bathroom and stairs being interrupted by occasional diarrhea, when everything calmed down he threw the milk in the trash.

#diarrhea #farts #coprophilia #desesperation #Lactose #Intolerance #milk

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the-matpat-ever · 18 days ago

Text

My Madpat & Ness Twin Au

I've always wondered what it'd be like for them to interact and be actual siblings, identical twins in this case. I created my au a while ago but I've also made some changes to it as well!!

For instance, I originally had imagined Ness being the person to cover up Mad's crimes but I had ultimately scrapped the idea. Interesting idea but not something I wanted in my au since it conflicted with the story way too much like certain relationships and dynamics.

I did though wanted to keep the familial unhinged-ness to them. It would make sense since they spent so much time together as children and growing up, sharing similar traits but being their own person as well. Ness wanted to be an actor and still actively wants to be one, though he may have given up on that dream after so many failiures...Which then introduces Mad, the brother who wasn't a "failiure"(though it depends on how you see it). You'd be right in thinking there'd be some repressed envy from Ness.

Mad never liked theater unlike Ness, never enjoyed loud obnoxious people that were the theater kids(dw I love you guys❤️Im a band kid myself) but oh did he love the spotlight, the attention. He was passionate about engineering. Ness was passionate about theater. Two separate things. Two separate people. They had a strained, almost onesided relationship. At least Ness tries to make an effort....

Ness was loud, hyper and colorful, Mad was quick to anger, blunt and apathetic(think of like an angsty teen) when they were younger. Ness sees his brother as someone almost better than him, who actually got his life together(spoiler alert: he didn't). Mad, in return sees Ness as this person who can form actual stable relationships with others(at least, more than Mad can). He envies Ness in that kinda way sorta.

Now some things about Ness. He looks significantly older than Mad even though Ness is an hour younger than him because continuous substance abuse(smoking and weed in particular), specially since it's been *20 years*. He started when he was just 17 to cope with the neglect of their father and their poor mother abandoning them. Ness has greying hair and a more sunken in and tired look. His lungs are also pretty bad, unable to run for long without using his inhalers. Its why he always keeps a spare one on him from his asthma that he developed in his 20s. From a distance they look the same but as you analyze their faces side by side Ness looks so tired and stressed with pieces of grey hair while Mad looks more healthy, though paranoid as ever.

When Ness is high he mostly gets all giggly and jittery and giddy. But other times he gets SUPER paranoid and locks himself up in his room. This is when he starts actually talking to the literal wall.

Now onto some bad habits they've picked up

Ness : Nail biting and smoking, self medicating, letting people take advantage of them, being a MANWHORE[Its a genuine problem, he flirts to cope], locking himself in his room and screaming until his throat is raw, and repressing his emotions

Mad : Drinking, screaming at others without thinking, EATING AND KILLING PEOPLE(Im going to be so honest with you, I was super excited when I found out about Caliban. HES SUPER DUPER SILLY AND COOL WHO EATS PEOPLEE<33)..Sinking his nails into his own flesh, short temper, having fits when things don't go his way, stalker, obsessive & possessive

Funfacts: Ness is banned from Freddy's because he stole the little Foxy puppet animatronic and Mad absolutely went OFF on him. They both share an apartment for convenience, cheaper that way. One Halloween Ness got so shit faced at a party that he started hitting on and making out with a pole...Mad ended up having to literally drag him away. Mad was absolutely so pissed, grumbling all the way home before drinking away his memory of ever seeing his brother doing that. Ness doesn't know the full story of what Mad does but he gives him the benefit of the doubt, blinded by his hopefulness of a nice brotherly relationship with him. He just wanted a brother who loves him and actually shows it... He unknowingly becomes an enabler to Mad's doings. He isn't a black and white good or bad person. He does kind and good things but he's not perfect. It just makes him all more human. Ness is not in the right mental state to date anyone at the moment. As I've said before, he flirts and I mean full on flirting with guys all the time. It's his way of coping with trauma. I can see him getting himself into a relationship but it wouldn't be healthy. Get this poor traumatized man a therapist😭🙏🏻

Can you tell Ness is my favorite? It's quite Ness centric now than it was before but I'm not complaining. I adore my boy Ness❤️

@wouldntyou-liketoknow

#ness the waiter #ness fnaf #ness fnaf movie #caliban crawford #madpat and ness are twins #madpat is a cannibal #madpat and ness twins au #fnaf au #fnaftm #fnaf the musical au #fnaf the musical #matpat fnaf #matpat #matthew patrick #wouldntyou liketoknow

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nook-of-fanfic · 5 months ago

Text

On the hunt

Pairing: Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi Summary: To catch a separatist spy, Obi-Wan and Cody have to stay in the same hotel. Only problem, the last room available only has one bed. For Day 5 of @codywanweek - Prompt: Only one bed Word Count: 2,985 also on Ao3

They had been chasing leads on the separatist spy through the under-city of this small outer-rim planet for the entire day, and now, finally, they had gotten a little closer to their goal.

The spy, whoever they were, seemed to have taken this specific hotel as their resting place for the night. Cody scanned the building. There was enough life teeming inside that it most likely wasn’t a trap, but that still did not mean he wanted to stay there. Before he could voice his concerns however, Obi-Wan had already dragged him up to the counter. From a strategic point of view, it obviously made sense to stay the night. It would take too long to go back to their temporary base now, and who knew where their target would be by the time they were back the following day. He was so zoned out of the conversation, still looking for the spy, that he only snapped back to attention when his general began ushering him down a hallway. Obi-Wan opened on of the rooms on the right side of the corridor, motioning for Cody to go in before he followed him. Wait, followed him? He hadn’t been on a lot of undercover missions, but he didn’t think people usually shared a room on them. As Obi-Wan brushed past him into the bedroom part, Cody stayed rooted to the floor in the entryway.

“I apologize, my dear, but they were booked out. This was the only room still available. You weren’t paying attention to the conversation, so I said it would be okay that there was only one bed. I apologize if that is incorrect.”

Now, that snapped Cody out of his stupor. One bed? Obi-Wan couldn’t possibly mean what Cody thought he meant. Finally taking in the room he was in, Cody realized that it was, in fact, exactly what his general meant. There, in the middle of the room, stood one giant bed, framed on each side by a nightstand. The space also held a closet, a small desk, and a door that undoubtedly led to the refresher. His gaze settled on Obi-Wan, standing at the foot of the bed, his pack placed on the floor.

“It’s fine,” Cody said, and really, it was. Or would be, hopefully. Strategically, this even made sense. If this entire thing was an elaborate trap, they’d at least be together and one could warn the other if they noticed anything. They could talk through their plans without either one having to leave the room after they were done, so there was no curfew to be paid attention to. It was also cheaper to have one room. Now, the bed. There had to be some advantages to that too, right? As he made his way through the room, Cody thought about it. They could both sleep facing outside, which meant they were more likely to notice any intruder, and they would be quicker to wake the other should anything happen. Yes, this was fine. Cody just had to not think about the fact that he would be sharing a bed with the man he was in love with. He could do that, right? Obi-Wan called him over to the desk to talk through their plan once more. They would wait until the next morning, slip out of their room before the target and then capture them as they left the hotel. It was simple enough in theory, and as they sat there, Cody hoped it would really prove to be so in practice as well.

For now, it was getting late, and if they wanted their head-start tomorrow, they should probably head to bed. With that in mind, Cody offered for Obi-Wan to use the refresher first, even just so he could ground himself and remember there was a mission to complete. Now that they were done planning, the shared-bed-situation rose up in his mind again.

When Obi-Wan emerged from the refresher, dressed in the civvie pyjamas they had had to take on the mission, Cody nearly lost his breath. He looked so comfortable, and as Cody passed him, entering the refresher to get ready as well, he allowed himself one small moment to think about after the war. About how, maybe one day, he’d have the chance to see this sight everyday, in their own apartment, without a mission and without unsaid feelings. This would, of course, require Obi-Wan to return his feelings, but as Cody settled into bed, his back to the other man, he decided not to think about that fact for tonight. He had already turned off his bedside lamp and shut his eyes, willing down the nerves so he could just go to sleep when he heard it, so quiet he wasn’t even sure if he was meant to hear it.

“Goodnight, my dear.” Then, Cody felt Obi-Wan shuffling behind him. “Sleep well.”

Cody answered, voice just as quiet. “You too, general, good night.” Then, he closed his eyes to finally fall asleep.

He woke up early the next morning and when he checked the Chrono on the nightstand, there was still some time before he had to get up. It was only then that he noticed there were arms around his waist and a face buried into his back. Despite being able to feel the beard through his nightshirt, he turned his head to check whether he was imagining things. But no, there, clinging to his back, was his general, hair mussed from sleep and eyes still closed. His own hands were resting on the ones around his middle, and Cody thought to himself that this was nice. He could get used to this.

The alarm rung after some more minutes, waking Obi-Wan and making him pull his arms away from Cody as he stood up. He smiled at Cody, grabbing his things and heading to the refresher. Meanwhile, Cody could feel his face heating up and he was pretty sure if he didn’t start moving, he was going to explode with the thoughts rushing through his brain at lightspeed. He gathered his things and packed everything he won’t need anymore away, doing his best not to think about how he woke up essentially cuddling Obi-Wan. Just like the evening before, Cody entered the refresher second. When he was done getting ready, Obi-Wan was already waiting at the door.

They triple-checked all the exits of the hotel, and not even three hours later, they were on a transport ship, making their way back to the Negotiator with the separatist spy safely locked away.

They did not talk about the night, nor about how they were when they woke up, but in the future, they would only rent one room if they were ever planet-side for a mission again. If anybody asked, they would say it was for convenience reasons.

#codywan #codywan week 2024 #commander cody #obi wan kenobi #codywanweek2024 #star wars

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blues824 · 2 years ago

Note

Can you do obey me brothers with a mc who like qiqi from genshin impact(platonic ofc)

Lucifer

He knows that you are a zombie, so he will try and adjust accordingly. He finds it adorable and efficient how you give yourself orders, but sometimes you probably shouldn’t because some tasks are too much. He likes how you keep an agenda so that your day is organized.

He will designate a spot in the HoL’s garden so you can plant herbs. You are still a practicing pharmacist, so you will do herbal remedies for the brothers. It’s not only cheaper than going to a doctor, but it’s also just easier.

You are also very polite, but lack emotion. It makes sense, since you are undead and therefore only follow orders like a mindless servant for their master, but you are your own master. Shouldn’t that allow you to show feelings? Well, besides annoyance since you pointed out that Mammon had a very punchable face.

Mammon

Big brother Mammon didn’t know you were a zombie until you told him. Honestly, he is kind of offended that you didn’t tell him, but you explained that you had never put it down in your notebook on orders you needed to give yourself to do that day… or any day.

He would help you gather the herbs you needed if someone within your friend group was sick. It was a surprisingly peaceful activity for him. Also, he’s happy that it’s easier and cheaper than going to a doctor since you were a pharmacist.

He once tried to give you an order to see if it would work, but instead of laughing you got a tad annoyed. You explained that since you freed yourself from the amber, you were your own master and therefore only followed your own orders.

Leviathan

You remind him of the zombie from ‘My brother/sister was taken away by a god and now I need to travel around to try and get strong enough to get them back!’ You even give yourself orders in the same way that the character from the game does!

He doesn’t really have a green thumb, so growing the herbs is all on you. He wishes that he was more interested in that type of stuff, but he will order seeds that you need online if you want. It’s the thought that counts, right?

He finds it unsettling that you show little to no emotion. Sure, you were the walking dead, but you could at least smile to make it less awkward. The one time he did see you get annoyed was when Mammon came asking him for money and you blatantly stated that the second eldest brother had a ‘punchable face’. It had Levi rolling and laughing on the floor.

Satan

He also knew you were a zombie because he actually bothered to read the student profiles of the exchange students. It was fascinating how you operated by giving yourself orders based on the schedule you set up for your day.

He would also help with taking care of and harvesting the herbs that you needed to practice your pharmaceutical practices. You remind him a lot of Solomon in that aspect, and he is intrigued with the subtle differences.

He would prefer to not show emotion as well, but since he is the Avatar of Wrath it’s nearly impossible for him to do that. He lets out an audible laugh whenever you get annoyed since it’s usually Mammon who started something. You even said that he had a very punchable face, and Satan agrees.

Asmodeus

He had no suspicion whatsoever since you looked alive. When you did order yourself to tell him that you were a zombie, he was so surprised. He thought you were a human, a sorcerer like Solomon was. Ain’t no freaking way. Then he realized that you had to order yourself to do things and the pieces pieced themselves together.

He would go to you for dermatological problems since you are well-versed in that field. He would help you with whatever you needed as long as it would help his beauty (also, as long as it didn’t get his hands dirty).

He’s slightly concerned when you don’t show any sort of emotion towards any of the things he’s excited about. I mean, whatever it is is a cause of joy! However, he burst out in laughter when you got annoyed at Mammon and said that he had a punchable face.

Beelzebub

He also didn’t really suspect anything about you. He just thought that ordering yourself around was either determination to get tasks done or to remind you of what you were doing, which is generally understandable. When you did tell him, he was shocked.

As much as I love him, please don’t ask him to gather herbs with you. He will most definitely eat them, even if you warn him that they aren’t edible. It’s even worse if it is a rare herb since it looks very appetizing to him.

He doesn’t really mind if you don’t show emotions. He’s typically very neutral as well, so he can’t say much against it. He will say that everyone (besides Mammon) erupted into laughter when you said that the second eldest was annoying and had a face you wanted to meet with your fist.

Belphegor

He was definitely suspicious of you. He hasn’t read your student file (mainly because he was locked in the attic), but he knew that you weren’t human. At least not completely human. No one went around giving them orders like a master does to a servant. When you did tell him, he mentally slapped himself for being so dumb

He wouldn’t be excited to go collect herbs unless it’s to make a potion that will allow him to sleep better. If that’s the case, then he will gladly go foraging for whatever you need. Anything for a better night’s sleep (I felt that).

He’s mostly just annoyed at all of his brothers, so he feels you when he hears you say that Mammon has a punchable face. He, too, thinks that his older brother has a face that needs a good punch, but he didn’t expect you to say it out loud.

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cataclysmiceuphemism · 5 days ago

Note

A sweet dolenzmith for 6 plzzz

Send me a Ship and a Number and I will Write a Kiss...#6 on a falling tear

Mild tw depression and tw distant-past suicidal ideation

Micky was what Mike would lovingly call 'sensitive'.

From Mike's family, the best he'd be called would likely be 'a crier'.

He didn't cry all the time, really didn't do it what Mike would consider often at all when not held up against his own personal litmus (and, perhaps, because Peter cried far more often than even Micky), but he did so without caring a bit about it. He cried at the ends of movies. He cried when he was happy. He cried when he was sad. He cried when he was angry, though this was the one that Mike had seen least of all; Micky was rarely angry, and would usually storm off on the occasions he was, both because he didn't much want anyone he was mad at to see him crying and because he felt stupid when he was mad, like he couldn't think of what to say even when he was right.

These were all things that Mike knew about Micky.

They were all things that Mike's family would weaponize, if they knew it about someone, and because of this, Mike respected it greatly. It took strength to be vulnerable; Micky was vulnerable even when he was wide eyes and a big sunny smile. Whether Mike was happy or sad, he knew he would always be too weak to be vulnerable.

What it meant, though, was that when Peter and Davy jointly called him up and asked him to come home from Texas early because 'Micky's crying', Mike's first response was that he didn't understand what he should come home for.

"No, man, you don't understand," Davy said, "He won't stop."

"He won't tell us what's wrong," Peter added.

"I'm comin' home," Mike agreed, "Just hold down the fort 'til I get there."

This was the reason he actually hated Texas. It wasn't the yelling and squabbling, the bullets flying all around. It was the fact that in visiting, he was altogether too far from California. As much as they held equal weight in his mind when he thought of 'home', the one he'd built up with The Monkees bore more weight in his heart.

He was lucky that he'd borrowed the Monkeemobile. They only ever needed it when they took gigs out of town. Otherwise they spent most their time walking, and no one had missed it when he'd taken it several states away. It was faster to drive than it was to take the bus, cheaper and easier to buy the gas than it was to fly— and he was sure he wouldn't have gotten a plane on such short notice this way.

It still meant that he spent nearly a full day driving, nervousness keeping him from dozing off behind the wheel, guilt keeping him from pulling off the road to take a cat nap. He kept telling himself that it would take so long to get there that there wouldn't even be a problem when he got back. It was a shame he was so far away, but any problem would resolve itself in his absence.

It hadn't.

When he stepped foot in the house, Peter and Davy were sat in the living room, not talking, not watching TV, not playing music. They stood up together, as though to give Mike a briefing, but Mike got the message from their eyes alone, dropped his duffel bag by the door, and headed on upstairs.

The energy was off. Mike wasn't much onto auras like Peter or Micky were, but stepping into their bedroom had the same griefed air as a funeral. Micky was laying on top of all his blankets, looking at the ceiling, red-faced, crying completely silent save for the hiccuping draw of shuddering breaths.

"Micky."

Micky turned his puffy face to Mike. He was quiet a moment longer, then asked, "Mike? What day is it?"

"Thursday."

Micky frowned and turned his face back to the ceiling. Mike wasn't expected for at least three or four more days. "I told 'em not to call you."

"Now, don't fault them their worry," Mike said. He took off his shoes before getting into bed to sit next to Micky, getting comfortable to stay there. "What's goin' on?"

"Nothing. I mean, really, nothing."

"Someone hurt you?"

Micky shook his head fast.

"Someone else get hurt?"

Another head shake.

"They forgot to put the toy in your cracker jack box."

Micky stuttered out a laugh, which was a relief to Mike even if the crying didn't stop. He shook his head again.

"You need to throw me a bone so I can help, Mick," Mike said. He brought his hand to Micky's cheek, cupping his face lovingly.

"There's nothing to help with, Mike. I just need a couple'a days, that's all." Micky sniffed, trying, Mike could tell, to stop the slow-but-steady flow of tears. After a moment, Micky's puffy face and salty tears burning hot in Mike's hand, Micky ventured, "My mom used to say I had 'big emotions'."

Mike gave a head-tipping kind of nod. The kind that said 'Well, sure'.

"That's all it is," Micky said mildly, sensing that Mike had expected just a little more.

"Give me a 'for instance'."

"When I was fifteen I told her I wanted to jump off a bridge."

"Well," Mike said, uneasy, rubbing Micky's cheek gentle with his thumb, "You're a good swimmer."

Micky smiled wryly. "In my head, I sank."

Mike licked his lips. He tried to make sure his swallow wasn't a gulp, tried to do it slow. "You thinking of sinking?" he asked.

Micky shook his head. "No," he said, "Promise. I know I'm cryin' a lot, but I don't got enough tears in me to put my head underwater." He sniffed again. Made himself sit up. "I've been thinking of swimming. Really swimming, I mean," he said, meaning there was no metaphor to it, "Just felt like a long way to the beach all of a sudden." He'd barely been able to find it in himself to get down the stairs the past few days, never mind out towards the water.

Mike kissed Micky's cheek, hot and wet against his lips, and drew Micky into a hug, holding him close, keeping him close. Micky's arms wrapped tight around him, and Micky's face buried into the crook of his neck. "I can tell you, Mick, I tracked a Helluva lot of sand into the pad running in here. Maybe it's getting closer."

Micky's laugh, small as it was, tickled his neck. "I just need a few days. Cross my heart," he said. He nestled against Mike, rubbed at his back. "I'm sorry you came home early."

"Don't be. I'm not. I want to be here when something's wrong."

"Even when you don't know what's wrong?"

"Especially then."

#the monkees #micky dolenz #mike nesmith #dolenzmith #ty!!#my fic

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olivia-anderson-fanfic · 23 days ago

Text

Dancing 'til the Break of Dawn - Pt 26

<Pt25

(TWST Zombie apocalypse AU where Yuu beast tames just a little too close to the sun)

They agreed that ‘Christmas’ would be in two weeks. It wasn’t as if they were sure what day Christmas actually was, so they might as well give themselves time to travel and think about what they wanted to get each other.

Not to mention the whole ‘fighting for their life’ thing, which made concentrating on gift-giving difficult. But who cares about that?

Yuu scratched his head as he squinted down at the party bags. Was it worth it to pick those up? It would make it obvious where the presents were. And Yuu did not trust Ace to not look through his presents the night before like a child.

Besides, he didn’t know what he would put in those bags, yet, anyway.

They talked. A lot. But Yuu didn’t actually know that much about Ace’s past. He, of course, would be a hypocrite if he complained about this, considering he’d hidden even his last name from his friends for ages… but he wouldn’t ignore that it made his life difficult.

As for Deuce, when he mentioned his time before the apocalypse, he usually talked about his mom (which Yuu didn’t want to encroach on), or, occasionally, his time as a delinquent (it should be obvious why Yuu wasn’t considering this present-worthy).

Yuu could just make some cookies or something, that would probably be enough for them… but he didn’t want to do that. It felt cheap.

Cheaper than stealing, though? Technically, wasn’t the effort worth more?

Yuu groaned, pressing his face into his hands.

Ugh, when did he become so lame?

“Yuu,” said Deuce.

Yuu blinked at him.

Deuce grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around.

Yuu gave a little gasp of surprise, for the store he’d just been in had spontaneously burst into flames. What an unfortunate act of God!

“I didn’t put my cigarette out all the way. Whoops.”

“And I’m sure it just so happened to land on the bottle of vegetable oil you always carry with you.”

“Life is crazy like that.”

“Mhmm. I’m sure,” Deuce said, smiling wryly. He held a hand out, and Yuu obliged, taking out two cigarettes.

They all had their own lighters. Even Ace, who didn’t smoke. After the incident with Jade and Floyd… well, yeah, they weren’t taking any chances.

That being said, Deuce still flashed a grin as Yuu pulled out his lighter.

Yuu rolled his eyes. “Old habits die hard, hm?”

Regardless, Yuu was perfectly happy to lean in close to Deuce and light both of their cigarettes at once. To save fuel, of course.

Then, he drew back, squinting at the fire he’d accidentally-on-purpose caused. “Did I kill Ace?”

“Nah, he’s trying to figure out where to go next.”

“Does it matter?”

“Seems to matter to him,” Deuce said, shrugging.

And Yuu supposed he didn’t care, so, when Ace came back and pointed in a specific direction, Yuu was happy to agree.

The real problem with gift shopping in the apocalypse was… they were in the apocalypse.

Shocking, but true.

Firstly, there were the automatic limitations that came along with the apocalyptic wasteland. Electronics don’t work. Any food you find is almost guaranteed to be stale. Any and every store you visit has already been visited by someone else at least once, meaning every aisle has been picked clean. The selection was limited, to say the least.

Secondly, they would have to carry whatever they found each other. They only really kept a single backpack each and, while they could just start carrying more bags, that would slow them down. Which meant that Yuu was tempted to get them practical things, things that would come in handy in a fight or hygiene products or some kind of food. But that wasn't fun, now, was it?

Thirdly, everything around them was free (to steal). If Yuu really wanted to, he could go into a random toy aisle and pick out everything he liked. Ace and Deuce could do the same. Which begged the question – what could Yuu get them that they couldn’t get for themselves? If they already had access to anything they wanted, then was everything they didn’t pick up automatically something they didn’t want?

Which left what exactly?

Small, sentimental items?

They were teen boys! Yuu would rather kill himself! Maybe Deuce could manage it, he was certainly as soft as a person could be given their circumstances, but Yuu? Ace? They were screwed!

Yuu groaned, running his fingers through his hair.

And then he pulled out his lighter. He needed to let off some steam. Or create steam. Whatever.

“Yuu, stop setting the stores on fire,” Ace said, absently lifting a hand to shield his eyes from the light.

“Where did you even get your hands on an accelerant?” Deuce muttered, digging through his backpack and seeming frustrated when he found the cooking oil was right where he left it.

“It was a craft store. The place was practically made of paper. I didn’t need to do much.”

Deuce looked exhausted. “What was the cause of the fire this time? A bug?”

“No. It pissed me off.”

“The store itself? How?!” said Ace, suddenly far more interested.

Yuu shrugged. “The more fires I set, the longer it’ll take for the zombies to feel safe around me.”

“I hope you have beef with more stores. God bless.”

Ace attempted to make a cross over his heart, but seemed to forget halfway through what they looked like and ended up just pressing his hands together in a fake prayer.

“That’s what I thought.”

Christmas was upon them, and Yuu had never been so nervous in his life.

Considering it was the apocalypse, this was quite a feat.

Regardless. The three of them sat in a kind of lopsided triangle, their backpacks at their sides.

Deuce gave Ace his present first. It was… a top hat?

Ace blinked at it as it was set in his hands, only to grin as he reached in and pulled out what appeared to be a book on magic tricks.

He then tossed the hat away with a roll of his eyes.

(He had to go back and collect the hat again when, after thumbing through the pages, he realized that the hat actually had a false bottom and could also be used for magic tricks.)

Absently, Yuu wondered if it really counted as magic tricks if Yuu and Deuce knew what the tricks would be ahead of time.

He also wondered how Deuce knew Ace liked this kind of thing. Did they perhaps… have a life outside of him? Conversations that did not include Yuu’s name?

No, impossible. He is, clearly, the center of the universe.

Wait. He forgot about Grim. Grim is… even more in the center? Like – where’s the center of the body? In Yuu’s stomach, maybe? No, that just sounded like he had eaten him… he could workshop that later.

For now, though, Ace was looking at him expectantly, and Yuu hoped to deliver.

“S-so,” Yuu said. Stuttered, really. He was going to kill himself. God damn it. “You know how you’re always fidgeting?”

“I don’t fidget that much,” Ace said.

Yuu glanced down at Ace’s hands. He was currently twirling the magic wand Deuce had given him around his fingers.

Ace also looked down. A flush spread across his face and he was quick to stop. Unfortunately for him, the magic wand was, in fact, a magic wand. Plastic flowers popped out of it, drawing everyone’s eyes right back to the fidgeting.

“... okay, so maybe I fidget a little.”

Yuu strongly disagreed with those last two words. But he was going to let that go. In the spirit of Christmas, or whatever.

He, somewhat awkwardly, pulled a bag of miscellaneous objects out of his backpack. Decks of cards, rings and bracelets, things that were literally called ‘fidget toys’ (Yuu didn’t know what that meant, but he had grabbed them)... his guess was that Ace would prefer the cards, but variety wasn’t a bad thing. He might as well give Ace the option to choose something else, even if he probably wouldn’t.

Because, honestly, Yuu didn’t mind him fidgeting. It was kind of cute, actually... so long as Ace wasn’t fidgeting with a knife, which Yuu had caught him doing more times than he was perfectly comfortable with. Ace hadn’t injured himself that many times, and certainly had never hurt himself too badly, but it was only a matter of time.

“Dude…” said Ace. “How long did it take you to find all this stuff?”

“A normal amount of time,” Yuu blatantly lied to his face. As if he hadn’t just endured the most frustrating two weeks of his life.

Ace decidedly didn’t thank either of his friends, but considering he was already fidgeting with a deck of cards – Yuu did not smile a little knowing he had guessed what Ace would prefer – the appreciation wasn’t exactly hard to notice.

So, it was time for Deuce's presents.

Ace didn’t reach into his backpack for this gift. Instead, he slid a hand behind himself.

And pulled a damn katana out from under his jacket.

Yuu and Deuce’s eyes damn near popped out of their skulls.

“What the fuck,” said Deuce, as he was handed the huge-ass sword. “I should have gotten you way more.”

Ace had never looked this smug before. Which was saying something. “I know, I know, you don’t have to tell me – I’ve won Christmas.”

“It’s not a competitive thing.”

“Those sound like the words of a loser.”

Yuu, however, was coming to an unfortunate realization.

“You stole this from a museum, didn’t you?” He winced internally. “Now that I think about it, that last place did kind of look like a gift shop…”

He had… probably set fire to a ton of national treasures.

Whoops?

Deuce, thankfully, was always there to distract him – “So that’s why you were walking like you had a stick up your ass.”

Ace rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s not exactly small and easy to hide.”

Yuu tipped his head to the side. “And it’s probably why you insisted on going in a specific direction, too…”

“Yeah? What other reason would there be?”

“Honestly? I thought you were just heading North to look for mistletoe,” Yuu admitted.

Ace smirked, leaning closer. “Wishful thinking?”

“Sure,” said Yuu, flicking him on the forehead.

Ace huffed, backing up a little to rub his forehead, only for Deuce to push him out of the way. He leaned into Yuu’s space, his hands out for his present. He looked like a kid on Christmas Day. Which, Yuu supposed, he technically was. Sometimes it was strange to think about. They were all 16 (Ace claimed he was 17, but Yuu and Deuce had vetoed that)...

“You got over the sword so easily!” gaped Ace.

Okay, maybe it was easy to remember sometimes.

Yuu stuck his tongue out at Ace. “It’s ‘cause I’m more likable than you.”

Despite his bravado, Yuu had to take a deep breath before he pulled a camera out of his backpack.

He’d done way too much research to figure out which cameras printed photos immediately and how to develop them. But Deuce didn’t need to know that!

“Here. We should take pictures while we’re here so, when we get out, we can look back on all of this and think ‘dang, that sucked, glad we’re not in the apocalypse anymore’,” Yuu said.

Deuce snorted. “‘Thank god we have running water now’.”

“‘Our hair looked like shit back then’,” Ace said.

Deuce grinned. “This will be great for our therapists.”

“Bold of you to assume Yuu is going to go to therapy,” Ace said.

Yuu spluttered. “What the – why would you call me out? On Christmas?”

Deuce slung his arm around Yuu’s shoulders, dragging him into his side. “Because it’s funny. Ace, quick, snap a picture.”

Yuu tried to school his face into something more normal, but the flash of light was too quick for him.

“I’m not teaching you how to develop film, now,” Yuu sulked.

“Pretty sure you just need a dark room, right?” Deuce said.

Ace glanced up at the dead light bulbs that hung over their heads. “Oh no. Where will we get one of those?”

Fuck! His plans have been foiled!

Yuu huffed. “I’ve never regretted a decision more. Is it possible to take back a gift? Because I’m gonna –.”

“Thanks, Yuu,” Deuce said, smiling softly.

Yuu felt a blush rise to his cheeks. He was not winning today.

“Why’d you thank him and not me?!” Ace said.

Thank you for bringing back the status quo, Ace, Yuu couldn’t handle this amount of sentimentality.

And, fortunately (or unfortunately) for him, his friends seemed to know this.

Deuce jumped to go first, a smug little smirk on his face that made Yuu suspect that he would hate whatever happened next.

Yuu raised an eyebrow at the Rapunzel shirt Deuce offered to him.

“Come on, you’ve got to admit there are some similarities!”

Deuce looked less amused by those similarities when Yuu pulled a frying pan from his backpack and brandished it like a weapon.

Yuu carefully set it back in his lap as a warning that he would totally follow through on, should Deuce’s actual present to him be stupid.

He blinked at the can of axe body spray Deuce offered him.

Like, sure, he appreciated it. Cleanliness was difficult in the apocalypse and all, but uh…

Deuce grinned and pulled out his lighter. He flicked it on, and then, after a quick glance around, aimed the body spray at the flame.

Who knew it was so easy to make a flamethrower out of household items?

Yuu was in love holy shit.

He made grabby hands for the weapon of mass destruction.

“Man, how am I supposed to compete with that?” Ace complained.

Even Yuu wasn’t sure. He cradled the DIY flamethrower to his chest like it was something precious. Because it was.

Ace responded by thrusting his gift into Yuu’s face. Casually. The most casual nearly-throwing-it-at-Yuu-as-if-it-burned-him behavior the world has ever seen.

Yuu rolled his eyes at the ‘Kiss The Cook’ apron he’d been ‘handed’. He did sometimes complain about how often he had to look for new clothes… usually because he had gotten injured again, but regardless, something to guard his clothes while he cooked would also help. So, he pulled it over his head without complaint.

Until he looked down.

Deuce looked a little confused as to why Yuu had gone completely silent, so he followed his gaze, too.

There was a long, long silence.

Deuce, slowly, brought his hand to his mouth, trying to stifle a snort.

He hadn’t needed to, because the sound had finally managed to return Yuu to reality.

“Why – why is the kiss mark so low?! What idiot put it there?!”

Ace’s shoulders shook with barely concealed laughter. “I found it that way. Thought you’d think it was funny.”

“Aren't you supposed to put the kiss mark at the top?” Yuu asked. It wasn’t a rhetorical question, but it wasn’t aimed at Ace or Deuce – it was aimed at the stupidass clothes designer who either had no idea what this looked like or knew exactly what they were doing.

Not that he didn’t love the apron, for all of its stupidity, but holy shit.

Deuce leaned back on his hands, giving an exaggerated glance around. “There’s gotta be lipstick around here somewhere, we can fix that.”

This finally broke Ace and Yuu.

“Not while I’m – wearing it, you idiot!” Yuu said, nearly falling over if it wasn’t for Ace.

Ace wasn’t in much better condition, incredulous little peals of laughter spilling from his lips, but he was more practical as he said, “That wouldn’t get rid of the one at the bottom!”

Once everyone had calmed down (which took a normal amount of time, Yuu promised), Ace nudged Yuu in the side. “I also picked up some fireworks that may or may not work and some ammo for your gun, but that’s not as fun so who cares about that?”

Yuu grinned. “Sweeeeeeet.”

“Not that you use your gun enough for that to be an issue,” Deuce added, smiling as he leaned against Yuu, batting his eyelashes, as if swooning over him. “Our favorite pacifistic loser.”

It was hard to tell who was less impressed – Yuu or Ace.

“Don’t try to discredit my gift!”

“Don’t have to try. I totally won,” said Deuce, smirking. “Right, Yuu?”

Yuu groaned, turning to flop against Deuce to try to make him stop bickering with Ace. Deuce could, sometimes, see reason.

Deuce, however, smirked victoriously. “He chose me to sleep on! Therefore I win!”

"He always sleeps on you -!"

"Exactly."

So much for that hope.

Yuu sighed contentedly as the three of them lay on the floor. Deuce was pressed against his back, an arm thrown over the two of them – not quite protectively, Yuu was pretty sure, more as if he thought they were a pillow. As for Ace, he was clingy at night, tangling their legs together, pressing so close to Yuu’s chest that he sometimes thought that Ace was trying to absorb him.

Warm breaths puffed over the back of his shoulder. A heartbeat thrummed against his abdomen, steady and strong even through their shirts.

He would love to fall asleep like this, it was so tempting. But alas. He had to keep watch for another few hours.

He busied himself by absently toying with Ace’s hair, making tons of little braids, only to undo them, and then start all over again.

None of this was new. Of course it wasn’t. They had been sleeping like this for months. The sleeping in shifts part was relatively recent, sure, Grim used to do that for them but now… the point is – it was normal.

And yet, Yuu’s brain refused to be distracted from all of these little details.

It wasn’t that Yuu wasn’t… aware that the way he liked Ace and Deuce wasn’t the way you’re supposed to like your friends.

Friends didn’t get jealous at the idea of their friends dating someone. Friends weren’t supposed to choose to sleep in the same room – the same bed – when they had an entire hotel available to them.

He knew he wasn’t supposed to think about the barely-there sunspots dotting Ace’s cheeks as much as he did, and definitely shouldn’t want to press kisses to every one of them. He shouldn’t think about the scars on Deuce’s hands as often as he did, nor should he want to hold them for hours, carefully mapping out each little indent or bump in his skin.

His mind shouldn’t stray back to that day he and Ace had opened up to each other, when Ace had called him pretty with their faces so close together. He shouldn’t linger on that moment with Deuce, when he’d taught him a different way to light a cigarette, a warm glow washing over his cheeks that couldn’t really be blamed on the small flame.

Yuu was perfectly aware of these thoughts, and that they weren’t exactly platonic. He was also aware there was a high chance that Grim would gather enough courage to show up at some point. And, if Grim found out Yuu was into them, Grim would put a stop to it immediately.

Frankly, the fact that Grim hadn’t caught on yet was a godsend.

He sighed.

As long as he was able to settle for this… in-between… everything should work out.

Of course, that didn’t make it easy.

It was made even harder by Ace and Deuce themselves.

“Holy shit! Mistletoe!” Ace said a few days later, giving an incredulous little laugh, his eyes locked somewhere above their heads.

Yuu followed his gaze.

There was some kind of plant in the tree they were standing under. The plant… was green. Yuu had no other thoughts about it. That was it. It was green. Really, he wasn’t sure what mistletoe looked like. Ace could be lying to him, and he wouldn’t know.

Either way, Ace pointing it out meant something.

Yuu wasn’t stupid.

But he knew someone who was.

He looked at Deuce, grinning. “It’s got more than two leaves and three berries, though, does Deuce even think it’s mistletoe?”

“I mean… I’ve never seen it in person before… it might be,” Deuce said, his eyes flicking away.

Damn it!

Yuu sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m abstaining.”

“On what grounds?” Ace snorted.

“On the grounds that Grim would kill you if he saw us kiss, even if it was just a joke.”

Deuce deflated. “Those are some pretty strong grounds.”

“Grim’s not here,” Ace argued. “He doesn’t need to know.”

God, this really does sound like I’m a cheating spouse.

Deuce sighed. “Ace… if he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t have to.”

“He never said he ‘doesn’t want to’,” Ace said, as if it was something significant.

(And, to be fair, it was. That didn’t mean Yuu was happy about it.)

“I know,” Deuce said, with a helpless little shrug. “But if it makes him uncomfortable…”

Ace squinted at Yuu for a long moment.

“If you say it’s ‘for our sake’, then shouldn’t we get to help make that decision?” Ace asked, in a tone that suggested that he thought he was being perfectly reasonable. “You don’t want Grim to kill us, or whatever, but it’s our lives.”

“What, are you planning to die for some –.” Yuu bit down on his tongue. “Some… kissing? I’m so sorry, but that’s clinically insane, and people with mental illnesses aren’t supposed to make important decisions without a third party present.”

“I’m sick and tired of every part of my life being decided by fucking zombies,” Ace said. “They’ve already ruined enough.”

“I refuse to be the reason you die.”

Ace laughed, but it wasn’t exactly a nice sound. He marched forward and balled his fist in Yuu’s shirt. “That might work on Deuce, but don’t pull that shit with me. Deuce and I are dead men walking no matter what. No one on this island is going to get to die of old age. What I do while I wait for death is my own damn decision.”

“Just because you’re going to die doesn’t mean you should speed up the process. Are you stupid?”

“I’m not trying to speed up the process. I’m making the most of the situation while I still can. There’s a difference.”

Yuu groaned. Why couldn’t he just get it?

He took Ace’s chin in his hand, tipping his face to the side just slightly so he could press a kiss to his lips.

It was a quick, chaste thing. Mostly because Ace clearly hadn’t been expecting it. He stood there, stiff as a board, as Yuu kissed him. Both of their lips were chapped after months of dehydration.

Not to say it was a particularly awful kiss, to Yuu’s eternal chagrin. His heart still hammered in his chest. Ace’s skin was still warm, flushed a pretty shade of red beneath his fingers.

Yuu pulled back. It was easy to brush Ace’s hand off of his shirt, as stunned as his ‘friend’ was.

“There. I did the mistletoe thing,” Yuu said, swiping a hand across his mouth, more for the sake of plausible deniability than any real want to get rid of the feeling. He turned to look at Deuce, raising an eyebrow. “Are you going to insist I do it, too?”

Deuce, who had been awkwardly hovering around them the entire time, unsure what to do, shook his head rapidly, holding his hands up in surrender.

“I’d really rather not die, thanks.”

At least someone had sense.

Yuu ran a hand through his hair, spinning around, trying to get his bearings again.

He swore he met eyes with someone in a window but, when he did a double-take, they were gone. His fingernails dug into the skin of his palms. Was that real? Or just his brain messing with him? He could check, but he really didn’t want to know. Damn it. He’d fucked up – kissing Ace, and so publicly at that, out in the open where anyone could catch them…

Yuu felt a hand grab his arm, and turned around to find Ace’s lips against his again.

~~~~~

Pt27>

#twisted wonderland #twst yuu #ace trappola #deuce spade #adeuyuu #what? i agreed to make them GAY not HEALTHY #anyways. for those curious.#gifts for ace focus on living it up despite the apocalypse #gifts for deuce symbolize the two different parts of him - harsh and soft #gifts for yuu focus on humor first and practicality second

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