#i still have the occasional problem where i skip a meal and it alternates between lunch or dinner

[ladysophiebeckett]

been off coffee for about a week but i still take excedrin for a headache. im trying to only drink teas and water and its okay. im not, like, dying. but i feel i deserve a little treat and that little treat should be a latte.

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

Wedding Colors (Part 3)

(Hayffie ❤️🧡💛💚💙💖. An exploration of Effie’s evolving character as she faces past and present personal intensities while making preparations for Finnick and Annie’s wedding.)

13:00—lunch. For the first time since the ominous day in July that she’d descended into the gloom of 13, Effie’s belly was full. As weeks had turned into months, she hadn’t felt hunger. She’d picked at meals and pushed unpalatable food around her tray. But now something was different. Flint scraped over steel inside her like the wind across her cheeks that morning. Her spoon repeatedly clinked the bottom of the bowl of squash soup. It took every ounce of restraint to not bring the whole bowl to her mouth and tilt it upward to collect the last drops.

Keenly observant, Cressida noted, “That’s new.”

“What?”

“You finishing a meal here.” She dropped her voice. “Are you pregnant, Trinket?”

Effie’s face flushed scarlet, blushing through burnt cheeks. “Bite your tongue!” she snapped.

Cressida glanced at Pollux, and Effie recognized her own faux pas. “Please excuse me. I wasn’t thinking about...”

Interacting with an Avox who was a regular citizen rather than a servant of the Capitol was still a new experience for her.

Pollux signed, “No problem,” and his brother offered the translation.

Effie returned her attention to the inquisitive filmmaker. “I’m JUST hungry. Must a woman be pregnant in order to finish a bowl of soup?” She whispered “pregnant” as if saying it too loudly might invite the situation. Or just as worrisome, Haymitch could walk in at that moment, hear the word, flip out, and not touch her again. Now that she’d opened the Pandora’s box of sex with him, she didn’t want to put a lid back on it.

“Okay. I get it.” Cressida was intrigued by Effie’s blush, but otherwise mollified. “You like the soup. End of story.”

It was golden orange in color and lightly flavored with spices that tasted like autumn. Ginger was recognizable, but the others were a mystery to Effie. Her experience with cooking was mostly limited to a course she’d taken a decade and a half prior at Charis School of Grace, Beauty, and Charm.

Her mother had insisted on “Finishing School” for Effie after she graduated from the Academy. The summer classes had been a compromise, since her father was resolute in his intention to send her to University. He’d even dipped into his personal inheritance to pay extra tuition when her test scores didn’t qualify her outright for admission.

“Charis will focus Euphemia on the most sophisticated etiquette and deportment, preparing her for marriage into greater wealth,” her mother argued.

“University will prepare Effie for a practical career suited to her strongest skills,” her father contended.

“Grace, beauty, and charm ARE her strongest skills. Face it, dear. Like you, our daughter lacks the talent to be a Gamemaker.”

“She has the talent to be more than a rich man’s wife.”

“If I were the wife of a RICH man, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we?”

Their barbs stung each other. After years of practice, the Trinkets knew just where to aim them. They agreed that Effie needed a path which would secure an optimal future for the family. Neither of them asked her what she wanted.

If they’d asked back then, she would have had one specific answer. And if she was honest with herself now, her deepest desire was exactly the same. If she’d voiced it then, her parents would have sent her to the Asylum first before anything else. So she said nothing about it.

By 18, she’d become a master at the art of knowing when to hold her tongue. She’d internalized the pressure to please her parents and reflect positively on her family’s name and station in society. The burden of doing so was a heavy weight on her shoulders.

Effie’s shoulders ached too from the physical work of gathering and carrying around large sacks of perfect leaves. She daydreamed about a bath full of bubbles followed by a nap on a real bed. Allowing the fantasy was a mistake because then her body screamed for it.

She wondered if even babies were allowed to nap here, or did they get merely a half hour of “reflection” before dinner like everyone else? Did they have daily schedules imprinted on their chubby little arms? Eat. Poop. Sleep. What else did the tiny things do? She’d never paid much attention to them in the Capitol. Had she ever seen a baby in 13? She couldn’t recall.

***

14:00—volunteering. The children would be out of school soon. Plutarch told her to expect them along with anyone who was between work shifts. Coin was allowing more flexibility than usual in order to encourage volunteerism. Effie considered the irony in the word spelled out on her arm in purple ink. Following schedules was mandatory. Once “volunteering” is tattooed on your body, doesn’t it cease to be voluntary?

That place made her head hurt if she thought about it too much. She pulled her rose-tinted sunglasses out of her pocket and put them on, hoping the change in light would temper some of the ache, and help her feel less vulnerable.

“Ready or not, here I go,” she said out loud.

She approached the kitchen staff for permission to use large plastic serving bowls to hold the leaves at the tables. The kitchen manager, a middle aged woman named Cuire, put up resistance, muttering something about needing authorization from the president.

Greasy Sae showed no qualms about interjecting. “Now, those leaves ain’t all that different from a salad. We’ll have the bowls washed again long before dinner service.”

The older woman, with her hair up in a kerchief more plain than Effie’s, carried a stack of serving bowls through the doorway without waiting for the manager’s consent. She returned to the kitchen for more until every serving bowl in 13 was in the dining hall. Cuire pursed her lips but said nothing.

Sae pulled a handful of leaves out of one of the canvas bags and dropped them into a bowl. “The list of procedures here’s a mile long. Sometimes the only way to keep these folks from sayin’ ‘no’ is to just not ask ‘em. And then work fast.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Effie joined her efforts to quickly transfer the leaves to the bowls. “Thank you, Sae.”

“Thank YOU, girl. Gatherin’ up all these to make pretty things for the weddin’, you must be exhausted.”

“I had help. From Haymitch.”

“Did you?”

“I had to ambush him.”

“Nah. As often as that boy looks at you, I’d guess he went willingly.”

Ambushed and willing. Yes, he was.

Beetee wheeled up to her with several spools of wire, wire cutters, rolls of electrical tape, and several pairs of scissors.

“The copper color is PERFECT!” Effie gushed.

“This wire is at least a hundred years old,” he replied with little emotion, “The only reason it shows no corrosion is because 13 is fastidious about its storage conditions, including adequate air circulation. The gauge is small. The electrical current from present technologies, would overload and overheat it. The wire is rather useless actually.”

“Well, we’ve found a use for it!”

“In the absence of copper tape, this seems the best match, which is ironic since brown is typically used for high voltages. And high voltages would burn right through this particular wire.”

“We’re just making garlands today, not blowing out an arena!”

“You’re speaking non-metaphorically, of course. We might hope the propo will play a role in shattering the Capitol’s grip on the restless minds of its citizens... That said, it isn’t my intention to imply that YOUR mind is gripped and restless.”

A gripped and restless mind sounded fairly accurate to Effie. “I doubt the Capitol views me as its citizen at this point.” I guess that makes me homeless, even though my family home, my apartment, my belongings, my entire history are all there.

Beetee noticed her smile fade. “You might be right about that. ...I’m sorry.”

After seeing what her victors had been through and what they were still going through, she felt uncomfortable being apologized to by a victor who she held in high regard. I don’t deserve an apology, though manners dictated the proper response to an apology was a gracious, “Thank you.”

“Will you be staying to help?” she added.

“I’m needed in Special Defense. Bring the leftover supplies when you come down later.”

“Beetee, thank you for this.”

The clock was ticking. Effie went to work immediately, arranging leaves in alternating colors and shapes and adhering the stems to a long length of wire.

“What a beautiful pattern!” A friendly voice spoke over Effie’s shoulder. She turned to see Delly Cartwright whose blonde hair fell free of its usual braid.

“An artisan! Delly, I’m grateful you’re here to help with production and quality control.”

From their occasional chats at mealtimes, Effie had learned that Delly’s parents had been shoemakers, and 13 put her to work in textile production as soon as she’d turned 18.

“Me? An artisan?”

“You WILL be, dear. I’ve seen your stitching. I’ve also observed your congenial way with people.” Effie cut a long length of wire for Delly and set her up with supplies to work at another table. “Let’s spread around the talent.”

When school let out, Delly’s younger brother was the first to arrive, not wanting to go “home” to empty quarters. Posy Hawthorne followed close at his heels, skipping to keep up with his much longer legs.

“Stop followin’ me!” he told her.

“I’m not followin’ you. We’re just goin’ the same place, that’s all.”

“Well, you’re a baby, and I don’t want you sittin’ at MY table.”

“Cordwain!” Delly interjected, “That’s not polite!”

“I’m FIVE years old, and I’ll sit wherever I please, CordWAIN.” With three older brothers, Posy could hold her own in disagreements with just about anyone, especially boys. Effie admired that along with her manners.

“Aw, Dellyyyy,” her brother whined, “You’re supposed to call me Cord!”

“You apologize to Posy, and I won’t have to be so stern.”

“Do I HAVE to?! She’s just Vick’s little sister.”

“And you’re MY little brother, so, yes, you do. You know Ma and Pa would say so if—“

“Ma and Pa are dead!” Cord sat at the table with Delly and folded his arms across his chest.

Delly sighed, and her tone softened, “Cordy, honey, that’s all the more reason to apologize.”

His lip quivered, and he muttered in a hoarse voice. “Sorry.”

“I’m sorry they died,” Posy empathized, “My daddy died b’fore I was born.”

She sat across from Effie and looked at her for a long fifteen seconds. Effie wasn’t used to children being so young. The girl’s dark hair fell long past her shoulders in two braids. Her gray eyes were deeply set. She had the look of a person who’d seen the shadow of death and kept going.

“I like your pink glasses.” Posy twirled one of her braids around her finger. “I used to have pink ribbons. Two of ‘em.”

“When I was your age, I wore pink ribbons in my hair. Pink was my favorite color.”

“Mine too! Gale says we can’t go back fer the ribbons. He says they’re gone. Do you think they’re gone?”

“Well... I...” For goodness sake. What does one say to a child whose district was fire bombed to rubble?

Cord muttered some more, “Of course they’re gone!”

Posy ignored him, waiting for Effie’s response.

“Your brother, Gale, is wise, dear.” Effie saw her expectant little face fall. “I am going to your district tomorrow. With Katniss. Would you like for me to look for the ribbons so you know for certain?”

Posy nodded.

“Then I’ll be sure to do that. In the meantime would you like to help make a garland? There aren’t any pink leaves, but there are other pretty colors.”

Posy reached into the bowl and pulled out a red one. “Can I do this one?”

“Of course. Let me show you.”

Effie demonstrated with a different leaf then watched Posy’s small fingers peel and cut the tape and use it to add her chosen leaf to the copper wire.

“How’s that?” the girl asked.

The tape was crooked. The leaf was crooked, and it didn’t fall in line with the pattern. Effie considered telling her so. Aemilia Trinket certainly would have. And for that reason if no other, Effie said to the five-year/old, “That’s wonderful, dear.”

Posy beamed. “You’re nice. You’re not scary at all! I’m gonna go tell Rory that he’s wrong.” She hopped out of the chair and skipped away, turning around long enough to say, “I’ll be back!”

Effie watched her go, not knowing quite what to think. Rory?... She couldn’t remember who that was. One of the Hawthorne boys?

“This year would have been Rory’s first reaping,” Delly explained.

Effie didn’t need to hear anything more in order to understand. The truth split her heart. Half of it dropped like lead into her stomach. The other half rose up into her throat, threatening to choke her.

The children are afraid of me.

Even without a reaping ball in front of me, they are still afraid.

In that moment, she didn’t have time or space to process the realization. She just sat there, forcing a smile, trying to keep the vacant feeling in her chest from showing on her face. As volunteers streamed into the dining hall, she swallowed the lump in her throat, pressed her palm to her stomach, and directed the project as planned.

More children arrived giggling and singing, 🎶”Come live with me and be my love...”🎶 It was the beginning of District 4’s wedding song, which they’d started learning in school. 🎶”...I'll take you out upon the sea...”🎶 drew them into conversation about how the ocean might look, feel, sound, smell, and taste. None of them had ever been to the seashore. They’d only seen it in books.

🎶”...To share the starry night with you...” 🎶 intrigued them too. Some of the children from 12 tried to describe the stars to the kids from 13 who had never been above ground at night. “A star is like the tip of the flame of a candle that never flickers.”... “They just pop out in the sky as it’s changing from blue to black.”... “My grandma says stars are ghosts that come to visit us at night. Good ghosts, not scary ones.”... “Ghosts ain’t real.”... “Are so!”... “Are not!”

Dozens of adults were there to cut wire and strips of tape for the younger children and to ensure the garlands turned out beautifully.

With so many helping hands, Effie had to let go of her precise plans. The work of other artisans became apparent as some patterns emerged which were even more pleasing than what Plutarch and Effie envisioned.

Boggs showed up, carrying his son on his hip. The boy seemed younger than Posy, though Effie was far from an expert about children under 12. Boggs sat at a table with the boy in his lap. The little one reached for the leaves just as Boggs’ communicuff started flashing wildly. “Damon, buddy, President Coin is calling. I’ve just lost my break time. I’m going to need to take you back to daycare, but maybe Miss Trinket will let you take one of the leaves with you?” Boggs gave Effie a pleading look. The last thing he needed just then was an upset kid.

Damon’s big brown eyes welled up with tears. He wiped them away with the backs of his hands which were filled with leaves that he didn’t want to let go. Since the epidemic, Boggs and his son had been on their own. Looking into those teary eyes, Effie couldn’t help but feel for them. The feeling seeped into that empty space in her chest, and eased a bit of the void.

“Your son can stay awhile, if you’d like. Then I can take him back to daycare.”

“Are you sure? He’s a handful, and you have a lot going on here.”

Seeing herself in the moment as “scary ghost” rather than a star, Effie definitely was NOT sure that she was the right person to be looking after a young child. “Of course, I’m sure,” she spoke through her smiling mask.

“What do you say, buddy? Do you want to stay with Miss Trinket and make a garland, or do you want me to take you back to daycare now?”

“It’s Effie. The only one who calls me Miss Trinket around here is Mr. Heavensbee.” She laughed.

Damon climbed down from Boggs’ lap and up into Effie’s. “Oh! Well, hello,” she said, pushing her chair back far enough to make room for him. He was heavier than he’d looked in the strong arms of his father. He squirmed around reaching for everything at once: more leaves of every shape and color, scissors...

Boggs’ eyes widened.

Effie handed Damon a roll of tape in trade for the scissors. “You can hold the tape, and I’LL do the cutting.”

‘Thank you,’ Boggs mouthed the words then told his son, “This is an important job, soldier. Effie is your commanding officer. Are you going to take this work seriously and mind what she tells you to do?”

“Yeth, thir, Daddy, thir!” His lisp melted Effie’s heart.

“At ease, little man. I’ll pick you up from daycare at 18:00.” Boggs kissed his son’s forehead, and Damon was already hard at work attempting to peel tape off the roll.

As Effie helped the boy put leaves on the wire, Posy returned, accompanied by one of her brothers who hurried to claim an open seat next to Cord. Posy skipped up to Effie and patted her head. “I got Vick to come, but Rory’s stubborn. YOU know how boys can be.”

Effie looked up from the table to see Haymitch leaning against a pillar near the edge of the dining hall. He was watching her closely. The expression on his face was a loaded mix of curiosity and seriousness.

“Yes, I do know how boys can be,” Effie agreed, “Especially when they are afraid.”

Haymitch had never seen Effie around little kids, and he was fascinated. The Hawthorne girl chattered on and on, tucking leaf stems into the top knot of Effie’s kerchief. Boggs’ kid was in Effie’s lap, crushing leaves with his hands and unwrapping tape for her to cut with scissors. A girl Haymitch didn’t recognize sat to the side, touching Effie’s bracelet. “Is this silver and gold?” the kid asked.

“This s costume jewelry,” Effie answered.

“What’s ‘costume’?” the girl wanted to know.

“A costume is... something you might wear when you are... pretending.”

The Hawthorne girl said to the other one, “You can wear one of my pink ribbons sometime, and we can pretend to be twins... if Effie finds my ribbons in 12 tomorrow.”

Effie locked eyes with Haymitch. “I promised I’d look, Posy, but please don’t get your hopes up, dear.”

He was trying to make sense of the situation. Effie’s going to 12 tomorrow? Why? And why is nobody telling me anything! Pissed off, he started to walk away.

“Excuse me, girls. Damon, let’s go talk to Haymitch for a few minutes.” Effie stood up, holding the boy on her hip as Boggs had done. “Haymitch! Wait...” She caught up to him before the staircase. If he’d really wanted to avoid her, he would have already been long gone.

“What are you thinking!?” he asked, unsure of what he was wondering about most... Why was Effie going to 12 where the burned corpses of his people were still rotting? Why didn’t she tell him about her plans? And what the hell was his heart doing as he watched her with those little kids?

“Annie needs help selecting one of Cinna’s dresses for the wedding, and Katniss asked if I could go with them for support. So, of course, I said yes. ...Not that I owe you an explanation.”

“You owe me nothing, sweetheart. But it’s bad there. You’re going to see things that’ll change you.”

“I’m already changing.” She boosted the kid up on her hip. “There’s nothing I can do to stop that. ...And I don’t think I want to stop it.”

Damon dropped the leaves and rubbed his eyes. “Are you tired... buddy?” Effie hesitantly used one of Boggs’ nicknames for the boy. He shook his head ‘no’, but rubbed his eyes again. “How about we take these leaves to daycare so you can show your daddy?”

Damon nodded and opened his hands to the floor where the leaves had fallen. Haymitch bent to pick them up and handed them back to the kid. He stood close to them. Effie smelled like the woods, faintly like ginger, and mostly like her. The fragrances helped him feel less agitated. They were familiar, as if less was changing all at once.

“Thank you,” she said about the leaves, “Will you please tell Delly where I’m going and ask her to stay until I return?”

“Sure”

She rested her palm on Haymitch’s shirt where his sweater gaped open. She brushed her fingertips along the buttons. “Will YOU stay until I return? I could really use your help hanging these garlands in Special Defense.”

Her touch felt too good for him to say no.

The peace in his expression was answer enough for her.

As he watched her walk away, a smile crept over his face. He was far too amused to remind Effie that the Hawthorne girl had embellished her head wrap with at least a dozen leaves. In all the years, it was the best *wig* he’d seen her wear. If she was going to roam around 13 looking like a tree, then who was he to stop her?

[nevillelongsbottom]

microwave meals and math student meltdowns pairing: rowan khanna x andre egwu x charlie weasley word count: 2,597 links: ao3 for the @rowanprotectionsquad june ships event

Here is Rowan Khanna’s predicament.

There is a fraternity house three blocks down hosting the party of the year – red solo cups, booming bass, sex on the dishevelled heap of coats – but Ben Copper has just asked Rowan if he’d do Ben a solid and cover his shift down at the 24-hour library, where apparently the math majors have set up tents trying to cram for their finals. Rowan’s curiosity is piqued. He wants to know what kinds of snacks math majors eat to keep them alive, and fuck, he’d just like to spend a night in the library and pretend he’s Night at the fucking Museum.

But Bill Weasley is at that party, and Rowan has spent the past year of his college life losing his shit and discovering his sexuality over Bill Weasley.

Whichever option he chooses, he is absolutely fucked. If he decides to whittle away his almost-blossoming college life by taking a free shift at the library, he will miss out on Bill Weasley (but not miss out on the joy of inhaling book-smell, an activity Rowan doesn’t get to do so much now that he can’t even afford a book a month unless it’s digital and on sale). If he goes to the party, he is going to have a terrible time because he can barely stand the burn of alcohol in the back of his throat and because he can also barely stand anybody else at the college. He should’ve gone somewhere better. He should’ve done Harvard – but he can barely afford this run-of-the-mill state college, so where the hell else could he have gone?

Doesn’t stop him regretting, though. He’ll never be Bill Gates now.

Spinning around on the barstool behind the desk of the record store he works in, he decides to consult Tumblr. Rowan is startlingly popular on the website, yawning out his thoughts about every franchise that takes off everywhere across the social media spectrum and smashing out a fanfic now and then. Occasionally a fanfic involving copious amounts of sex, because Rowan has to make up for his saint-like lifestyle somehow, and he’s never going to manage enough food to eat more than microwaveable pasta for the rest of his student life. People also keep sending him asks about college. He’s not sure how to answer, because the real answer to surviving college is never sleeping, making sure to eat three meals a day even if they’re all Pot Noodle, and studying so hard he’s started getting migraines.

anonymous asked you: be a good Samaritan and go help your friend at the library xx

anonymous asked you: you’ll get other chances with that guy you like. parties are shit anyway

Rowan groans so loudly at the messages that a patron whose entrance he hadn’t noticed gives him a frightened look, and he shoots an apologetic look back. It’s certainly not his job or his prerogative to scare customers off from his own stresses, and he tries to shift the thought as he asks if the customer is looking for anything specific –

and joyfully enough for Rowan, he is indeed. So the predicament gets to sit a little longer in the back of his brain.

By the time he’s finished work and has consumed a dinner of grilled cheese, he’s long since given up on the idea of the party. He doesn’t feel damn near sociable enough, and just the thought of drinking alcohol makes his stomach churn; Rowan’s not so good at surviving an entire day without a nap, and he wonders if it’d be acceptable just to doze off behind the front desk to the lull of weeping students. Or maybe he could just read.

Maybe write a chapter or two of his ongoing no-powers high school Spiderman and Deadpool romance epic.

The library’s pretty quiet for all the myths he’s heard: when he arrives, there are indeed actual camping tents set up where some tables used to be and a good selection of about ten math majors all camped out inside and a couple milling about with packets of crisps. One boy is eating a pot of pasta in the doorway to the library kitchen; Rowan figures that the anarchy has already been installed, so brews himself a cup of tea and takes his spot at the library front desk, picking at the various knickknacks and tchotchkes.

He’s slight enough from his pasta-related malnutrition to be able to fit into the bucket chair with his legs crossed, and he serves an hour in peace with his cup of tea and his Kindle and a trashy gay romance novel he bought for a dollar on the Kindle store. He used to feel guilty, but he can’t find it in himself to even summon a single piece of guilt shrapnel; he spends so much time reading textbooks with sentences he has to decipher like he’s a codebreaker not a student that he needs some kind of switch-off, and who’s to say he isn’t allowed a bit of mind-numbing reading?  

And, all in all, Rowan’s having a pretty decent conclusion to his dilemma when he hears the sound of footsteps approaching and glances up from between the pages of unabashedly shameful sensual pottery. It’s a math student. His cheeks are tear-stained.

“Got any tissues?” he asks nervously. Rowan does not, but he can’t say the same for his well-stocked maze of a temporary desk, and he finds a packet in one of the jam-packed drawers, handing it over to the student, whose arms are surprisingly muscular for a math geek. Rowan wonders if he’s in the soccer team; he’s too short for basketball. He asks. The math boy laughs. “Oh, no, I’m not in a big sport. I’m on the lacrosse team, but I’ve taken a break for the math stakeout.”

“Have you considered that studying at home might be more relaxing?” Rowan asks, offering the math boy a stress ball; he declines, likely on the fact that it’s the grottiest thing Rowan’s ever had the misfortune of picking up and he immediately counters it with a choking amount of hand sanitiser.

“I work best under stressful conditions,” math boy elaborates. “And since I’m living in a tent, I don’t have time to worry about all the stupid things I usually worry about, like plucking my eyebrows or what clothes I’m wearing or how my hair looks.”

Math boy has little more than a buzzcut. Rowan raises his eyebrows, but says nothing, and avoids letting his eyes linger for too long on the math boy’s incredibly extra outfit of a striped turtleneck and wide leg red corduroy pants with some on-trend ugly Nikes. Rowan has to admit that he’s good-looking, and he does like math boy’s dedication, and he hasn’t had sex since that time with his best friend in the back of a rental in high school. So. He wouldn’t mind.

“I’m Andre,” math boy says. Shit. He’s likely noticed Rowan’s unsubtle idea of checking him out, but the name drop can only be a good sign.

Rowan goes in for the handshake. He’s so thirsty that he practically gets flushed from that alone. “Rowan. Khanna. History.”

And, with that, Andre returns to his inevitable doom and Rowan returns merely to imagining the fires of passion. It’s not that he’s ever been particularly interested in sex, or romance, or any of that - but it’s been way too long, and he’s going to cry if he eats any more microwave meals, and he wants someone to distract him from the call of the void that seems to follow being a single college student with at least two crushes. He groans.

“Problem?” an inquiring voice laughs. Rowan recognises the accent: it’s Southern and hillbilly but too gentle to belong to an actual hillbilly, and his head snaps up, expecting Bill Weasley and his tousled hair and his fang earring and his accepting attitude and his lax alternative style–

but it’s just an amused Charlie, and Charlie’s no Bill. He’s shorter, with a shaved head, an explosion of freckles, and a dragon tattoo. But God, Rowan thinks. As handsome as Bill. Just less outgoing. Charlie purportedly just lets things happen.

“I hate being a student,” Rowan sighs, and Charlie concurs. Their eyes meet long enough for Rowan’s heart to skip a beat. He looks like Bill.

Charlie leans in.

“Bathroom?”

“Oh, Christ, please.”

Rowan doesn’t bother making a sign explaining his absence; nobody seems to want to speak to him, and that’s probably because it’s eleven at night and the only people in the library are the math crew, those lacking in the will to live, and him.

And he’s now backed up against the wall of the disabled toilet with Charlie under his waistband, so he’s not sure he gets to stack up well anymore.

Charlie makes short work of Rowan and lets him sink to the floor, breathless. He sets himself up, legs wrapped around Rowan, but sits still anyway. It’s a shit vantage point.

“Math?” Charlie asks.

“History.”

“Cryptozoology.”

“What the hell’s that?”

“I get to go on field trips to find wendigos.”

“Oh, my fiery feet! My burning feet of fire!”

“That’s the one. Can you get on all fours?”

Rowan does, resisting the familiar urge to gasp as Charlie pushes himself between Rowan’s thighs and lets this follow with tumbling expletives. Rowan can feel Charlie’s hands shaking a little where they hold his waist, and doesn’t think he’s worth that much, honestly.

Charlie starts moving, slowly at first but unable to temper himself. “Oh, God, I can’t,” he stutters, pushing faster and faster until Rowan’s thighs ache and he thinks he might come again just from the sounds of Charlie slipping over the edge and him grabbing Rowan’s hair as he thrusts.

Rowan’s so easy.

Charlie spills over his legs and then flips him round to finish Rowan off again until he can’t see straight anymore and is lying enjoying the last of his ethereal moments before he comes back into the realisation that he’s lying on the floor of a bathroom stall and his stomach is sticky and his hair is so out of order that he looks like he hasn’t brushed it in weeks.

He groans, and starts a little when he feels something soft run across his snail trail and down to his legs.

Charlie’s cleaning him up with a wet wipe.

“Do you carry those around with you everywhere?”

“Listen, do you want to try and clean yourself up with one-ply?”

Rowan supposes not. “Thanks.”

“You volunteer librarians. You always look like you’re desperate for it.”

“I’m covering for my friend Ben.”

“Even more desperate.”

“Have you and Ben ever…?”

“No. He kinda looks like he’d fall apart. I’ve got a bit of a thing going with Tonks, though. She’s amazing.”

“So, Charlie, what exactly started you on your path of having bathroom sex with all the student librarians?”

“I don’t know, really. It happened once and then I just kept going for it. Makes me feel a little less like I want to drive away and never come back.”

Charlie runs a hand across Rowan’s cheek and tucks some of his hair behind his ear. Rowan looks back at him.

“I get that,” Rowan says, and stands up.

--

Rowan is not very pleasantly woken from his slumber at seven in the morning by the next student volunteer, who seems entirely nonplussed by the fact that Rowan has slept through the majority of his cover shift.

He decides to be cordial enough to return the mug he’d borrowed to the kitchen, and of course, just to ensure that Rowan Khanna never gets any peace and is always living a life of predicaments, Andre and Charlie are kissing in the corner.

“I know this library is twenty-four-hour, but you can go home,” Rowan sniffs. “You can wait before your next conquest.”

“I was waiting for you,” Andre clarifies, and he laughs awkwardly for a moment. “I hate being in that fucking tent. I’m not learning anything. It’s not even a political stance; the board don’t care. I saw you two go into the bathroom yesterday, and- goddammit, I just want to be free to do what I want to do and not eat their idea of fucking meals which have no nutritional value whatsoever!”

“If we’re having sex, we’re going to breakfast first,” Rowan says. Charlie laughs.

“I’ll pay,” he says.

They have a slightly crappy breakfast in Starbucks, but the caffeine hits Rowan like a sledgehammer, righting all the wrongs in his system like the ultimate pill. Charlie has a roll and a hot chocolate and seems at an almost eerie bliss at his corner of the table, as if the stress of student life has entirely evaded him. Andre’s still got that math student vibe of being permanently jittered. He takes two toilet breaks in the time it takes them to eat breakfast.

“Don’t you drink coffee, Charlie?” Rowan asks. He has to ask. He doesn’t even understand how someone could survive a day in college without being fuelled through it by caffeine highs and bathroom blowjob crashes. Andre’s drinking tea, but that’s still caffeine.

“No,” he says. “I don’t like it.”

Rowan is hit by a wave of newfound respect for Charlie: under the influence of no stimulants, he survives daily college life, from lessons to screwing in library bathrooms, and he never once seems to look out of place. He almost wants to think fuck Bill. Bill might be cool, but Rowan’s seen him disheveled and grumpy in sweatpants: Charlie doesn’t seem to know how to be a mess, and though Andre is clearly an emotional wreck, he’s an emotional wreck in good trousers.

“I don’t want to have sex,” he says suddenly, and Charlie looks up so quickly that Rowan is hit by the urge to retract the statement; but it’s true, so he ploughs on. “I’m tired. And I want to just – watch Netflix with you guys.”

“If I’d known you’d say that, I’d have let Charlie do me in that kitchen,” Andre huffs, but concedes. Rowan’s correctly gauged that he also doesn’t have the energy left in him for any sort of vigorous physical exercise, or even any mental exercise. Rowan wonders what would happen if he asked Andre to read a book; perhaps he’d explode. “Depends on what you’re watching.”

“My vote’s on a Stranger Things marathon,” Charlie says.

This is how Rowan finds himself making out with his crush’s brother on a math student’s sofa whilst Barb finds herself left on her own at the pool. He bloody likes Stranger Things, too, but Charlie’s handsy. He can barely catch a breath because Charlie’s made it his mission to steal them all. Andre is content with Netflix.

Doesn’t stop him from nabbing a kiss or two.

Rowan’s not sure if this was the ideal answer to his initial predicament: after all, Charlie isn’t Bill, and he now seems to have acquired two boyfriends that his parents will disapprove of and whom he barely knows at all. But he guesses that he’s probably chosen right, because he’s not hungover, and he does have two boyfriends, one of whom is kind of the supreme Bill, the other a sobbing math student with an infectious smile and a sharp sense of style.

He could’ve had worse. And this is his reflection of the day that makes it to Tumblr, right after Peter Parker’s confession of love to Wade Wilson, a true slow burn at Chapter 52.

[taycofftoadventure]

Utah Park Road Trip

What a year. I’ve taken a hiatus from the blog during 2020 for obvious reasons: pandemic travel is a challenge and not encouraged. It was hard to decide whether to venture out at all frankly. But after a a new gig, I desperately needed a getaway- so we took a week-long road trip to Utah. Our goal was to try to avoid people and get into nature. I’m so grateful for the escape. In the end, my soul really needed to go. Needed the break. Needed the change of scenery. I’ve gotten a lot of folks asking me what we did, where we went, so I decided to dust off the blog and share with folks our itinerary. 

We traveled with surface cleaner, our masks, etc. We took precautions where appropriate. It wasn’t always easy, but I felt relatively safe. We stayed in hotels and cabins- camping is totally an option, but traveling in August meant very hot weather and we wanted the AC. But every place we went had camping options if that is more your speed. Also many of the places we stayed, we could enter the room from an external door. It felt safer generally than riding an elevator or being in narrow hotel halls. We also didn’t have maid service during our stays to limit who was in the room. But I encourage everyone to be smart about whatever they chose to do. It’s hard to control all elements. We did the best we could.

You may wonder why we went to Springdale and THEN Bryce and THEN back to Zion- well, cost (the Lodge in the park was cheaper midweek) and avoiding people. We aimed to hit the Narrows hike on a Wednesday- which was less crowded.

Day 1 and 2 - Springdale, UT

We drove from LA. We opted not to stop in Vegas because they have a lot of coronavirus cases. Without traffic, it’s a six hour or so drive to beautiful Springdale, UT- the gateway to Zion National Park. We stayed at the Majestic View Lodge at the edge of town for two nights. Springdale itself is a gem in the canyon between red rock cliffs towering above.

Zion National Park has a shuttle service with limited tickets to access certain portions of the park (**check for their policies regularly/they changed during our planning and we almost didn’t score tickets). But there are some sites that don’t require a shuttle. We hit those first. After a breakfast at Deep Creek Coffee (really good/we went twice!), we ventured up the scenic drive of the park. Surrounded by giants, we pulled off and took photos as we headed to our first hike on the Canyon Overlook Trail. It’s a moderately challenging hike, but not long. You can do it rather quickly, but we definitely stopped to take many a photo. You’re rewarded with quite a view. Some portion of the trail was narrow- so bring your mask (always bring your mask). After, we cooled down at the hotel pool until it got busier. 

Before dinner, we rode bikes through Springdale to the Pa’rus Trail (paved so it’s not hard to bike). It was mighty glorious as the sun set below The Watchman. The grill at the Majestic View Lodge did have really good ribeye for take-out. 

Day 3-5 Bryce Canyon National Park

The next day, we headed to Bryce National Park for two nights. What a special place. Powerful hoodoos dot the canyon. I felt like I was immersed in a giant sand castle. It was hot when we went. There was no water in the canyon, so take more water than you think you need if you plan to hike beyond the rim. 

Our first hike was the Navajo Trail to the Peekaboo Loop and then up iconic Wall Street. It’s strenuous. If you want something lighter, do just Navajo Trail- but even that has dramatic elevation gain. Also, you have the challenge of Bryce’s naturally high elevation. The most common medical issues folks have in Bryce are elevation related problems. The number two problem; ankle issues (so wear supportive shoes) because the trails are steep. Despite being hard, it was JAW-DROPPINGLY beautiful. No photos need a filter. Go slow, take breaks, take photos, and stay hydrated. 

The next day we woke up early and hit The Fairyland Loop. It’s the longest hike in the park, but you’ll have no issues social distancing. Bring lots of water and lunch- but it’s not as hard as Peekaboo/Navajo. Go early to avoid midday sun. We started at Sunrise point and did it counter clockwise. We liked this for a few reasons- our climb back out of the canyon was shaded by an occasional tree and the last two miles of the hike was the much easier Rim Trail in the hotter part of the day (which does have some climbing itself, but at least you’re almost to your car by the end)... and also I loved ending the hike near the General Store for a little lemonade and fruit. 

Closer to sunset, we checked out Rainbow Point and Natural Bridge. If you skip Peekaboo, Bryce Point will give you a taste of what you missed from above. 

The town of Bryce itself was only established ten years ago. Not too much there. We grabbed picnic/breakfast food in Springdale and then got take out in Tropic for dinners. Stone Hearth Grille was delicious and beautifully situated- I can tell it would be a great place to eat in when this pandemic is over.  IDK Barbecue was also really tasty. 

The last morning in Bryce we hit the Queens Garden Trail- the most popular trail. But you can see why, it’s not-to-be-missed gorgeous and it’s the “easiest” trail into the canyon (and by easiest, I still mean it’s steep). We opted to hit it on a Tuesday and found it wasn’t too hard to avoid folks. I did wear my mask more (i really dig my Variant Malibu mask btw). 

Day 6-8 Zion National Park

After the hike, we headed back to Zion. On this stretch, we stayed at Zion Lodge in a cabin at the Xanterra run hotel in the park. It was worth it because you get a drive-on into the park where only shuttles can go and it’s great to be in the midst of the action (the only caveat is, you can only drive as far as the lodge). There’s also the bonus reality that if you stay at the lodge, the shuttle times are irrelevant, They let you on whenever, you just need a ticket for the day. Alternatively, you can ride uphill to the Narrows by bike.

We rode the shuttle once to go to the famous Narrows hike. We were very much rewarded for our early morning- there were very uncrowded stretches. What a colossally special experience. Almost religious- I felt like I was in a giant natural cathedral. The early morning light gifted us with such dynamic and extraordinary sights. I’ll never forget them. Besides snacks and water, I highly recommend a hiking pole and neoprene socks. Just buy them ahead of time- but you can rent them in town for the same cost. We were glad to just get started early and not have to deal with rentals. The rocks are slippery so mind your step. I also felt the current made it more precarious.  Be sure to check the water quality and for flash flood warnings. Levels were low, but due to little rain there was a bacterial overgrowth harmful to humans and animals. So sadly, we couldn’t submerge (or ingest)- but I felt it was shallow enough to maintain safety. Avoid the algae mats. 

As we wrapped up the hike six hours later, more people hit the trail- the mask was up and this was the most congested I felt all trip! But the ranger at the end of the hike said that actually, this was nothing compared to pre-covid. People used to wait hours for a shuttle... so thanks pandemic, we didn’t wait long. 

In the evenings, we gazed at the Milky Way on the green lawn filled with deer and tried to spy meteors showering by (well, more like a trickle- we saw two between us) and hung out on our cabin porch drinking wine and playing cards. Staying in the park was peaceful. 

Additionally, some of the popular hikes are an easy stroll from the lodge. It would have been possible to avoid the shuttle altogether if we weren’t intending to do the Narrows. We walked on an evening stroll up the trail to the Grotto picnic area where the Angel’s Landing Hike begins (the top is closed at present for Covid). Across the street from the lodge is the trailhead for the Emerald Pools. We would have made the trek but the pools are apparently very low right now. Some things for us to check out next time!

Day 9-11 Sundance, UT

After Zion, we headed north for two nights in the mountains outside of Salt Lake City. I was craving green and trees for sure. We stayed at the Sundance Resort but if you’re looking to save some coin, there’s plenty of camping off the narrow mountain Alpine Scenic Byway. The mountain pass is closed in the winter, but right now it’s dotted with gorgeous still-snow dusted peaks and the largest Aspen grove I’ve ever seen.

There were a lot of hikes in the area, but in the warm heat of the summer, we opted for Stewart Falls. There are a few access points- if you don’t stay at Sundance, there is a trailhead in Aspen Grove. If you stay at the resort, you get a free ski-lift ticket (or you can buy one). We took the scenic chalet to Ray’s Summit  (you can go further up to the top for a cold beverage and what-looked-like-delicious nachos). From Ray’s Summit, you can hike a lovely but sometimes steep trail down to the falls. We then took the trail back to our lodging from the falls. Google maps was helpful in navigating the narrow trails. 

We did shell out for the zip line tour which boasts one of the longest rides in the US. It was exhilarating. You fly from peak to peak and down the mountain. Definitely grab a bottle of water to take with you- it took us about 2 hours to do it all... but can take up to 3. Luckily our group was just the two of us, so it went pretty fast and I was thankful to not have to wait for anyone. 

The food at Sundance was excellent with lots of outdoor seating and picnic tables- so it’s easy to get a fine dining meal and a swell spot to eat it in. Everything from the breakfast sandwich to the salmon to the pork chops was really good. 

Day 12-13 St. George, UT

On our way back to Los Angeles, we drove back south again and stayed in St. George- not far outside of Zion. We stayed at a lovely renovated hotel Inn of the Cliff- bonus points for beautiful view and pool. Pro-tip, if you want the pool ALL to yourself, Sunday morning seemed to be the winner (because I think the community is all at church). Also for breakfast, skip the long lines and go to Tia’s Artesian Bakery. We picked up some delectable food ahead of the drive home.

In the end, I was so grateful for this trip. It felt incredibly long (even though it was just weekend to weekend). Getting into nature, surrounded by awesome views, and testing my body- but also having down-time- felt crucial to getting the rejuvenation I needed. On long, popular hike days, we rose early- but almost every other day, we slept in. The balance felt right. We were grateful to pack a cooler and have snacks and cold drinks on long drives or hot days. 

Travel safe. Stay healthy. Take care of your spirit. Go find nature.

Photos by Zach Lupetin and Taylor Coffman

[silicabeast34-blog]

Feeding Babies | 0-6 months Breastmilk

Alright everyone! You have been asking for a post on feeding babies for years (seriously, years – since Asher was a baby!) and I'm finally giving it to you! We're going to start at the very beginning here from 0-6 months with the first thing a baby ever eats – MILK! I'm breaking this one into 2 parts – Breastmilk and Formula. Starting with the Breastmilk post! Look out for the formula one early next week!

We'll continue with future posts where we'll chat about first solids, feeding toddlers, the picky years, and packing lunches! All with a paleo-style perspective and what has worked and hasn't worked for us. So be sure to keep checking back here and on my social media if those subject interest you. Ok here goes! This is a long post with lots of parts, so I'll lay out a table of contents here so you can scroll to the information that most interests you.

My Philosophy

Paleo and Breastfeeding

Pumping, Storing, Building a Stash

 Traveling

Common Problems

food sensitivities

low supply

My Philosophy

  I have breastfed 3 babies, and am definitely in the camp that -if you are able – it is the absolute best route to go for the health of your baby. HOWEVER, you've heard me say this before and I'll say it again – I can't stand the pressure that social media puts on moms about breastfeeding. Yes – “Breast is best”. But FED is the most important, and if your situation, whatever it may be, makes it difficult or impossible to breastfeed – then there are formula options out there that will sustain your child and still help them thrive. More on that below! The pressure we put on ourselves is also so unnecessary, but I'm guilty of it too. I can remember many tear-filled nights, with each of my babies, because I felt like a failure and thought I wasn't producing enough milk. They were going through their cluster feeding phase and seemed to never be satiated, and I blamed myself. I can guarantee every breastfeeding mom has had at least one situation like that, and we all know it feels terrible. Thankfully with each baby- the stress for me lessened, and I learned ways to combat the feeling – like stocking up my freezer with an ounce or 2 at a time just for piece of mind. Read more about that here! Having a little stash, or even having formula on hand to top off with if necessary, lessened the weight on my shoulders and helped me ease up. Similarly – every time I would have a postpartum flare-up, my milk would either decrease from all of the weight I was losing, or I had to take a medication that was unsafe for breastfeeding – and I would beat myself up. Actually – to this day, I still feel disappointed that my disease “forced” me stop breastfeeding Asher at 7 months, and Easton at 9 months. Which is crazy – because 7 and 9 months is a huge accomplishment! Read a little more about that struggle here. With Kezia- I had to stop for a bit due to malnutrition on my end and also unsafe medication and supplements. We moved her to formula for the time being, and I pumped occasionally when I was feeling up to it but my supply pretty much diminished. Thankfully our bodies are pretty miraculous though and once I started gaining some weight back and eating bigger meals, my milk came back!.

  Paleo and Breastfeeding

  I'm frequently asked if it's possible to eat a Paleo diet and breastfeed successfully. I've written and talked about it quite a bit, so rather than reiterating – I will link you to a few past articles to read. Long answer short though – YES it's definitely possible and some people actually find their milk supply increases and is more nourishing. However, if you are accustomed to eating a standard American diet and want to switch over to a Paleo diet, I would suggest doing it gradually if you are breastfeeding.

MORE RESOURCES

Paleo, Pregnancy, and Postpartum

Breastfeeding on a Whole30 – Answering Your FAQs

Four Tips (and Recipes!) to Support Your Breastfeeding Whole30

  Pumping, Storing, Building a Stash

  I was NEVER the mom who had an abundance of milk flowing. I couldn't pump a full bottle after a feed, or barely even pump enough to fill a normal bottle if I was working. I had to work a little harder to pump while I was away, and also to build a small stash in my freezer for those times when I needed to top them off or was traveling for work.

To read about the pump I used, eco-friendly storage ideas, when to start pumping, and our favorite bottles see this post.

Traveling

  As a working and traveling mom – I am also often asked how to handle pumping and transporting while traveling. The most important thing I learned was to carve out time between my meeting schedule every 3-4 hours to pump. If you're busy all day running from meeting to meeting, it can be really easy to forget or keep putting your pumping sessions off. Delaying or skipping sessions can cause a supply decrease and super painful engorgement! No one else is going to tell you stop and take the break to pump – so even if it means putting calendar reminders in with alerts – do it! There were even MANY times were I pumped in the back of an uber or cab with a cover on to maximize the use of my time. Traveling with breastmilk is a pain, in all honesty. First things first- make sure your room has a refrigerator. Most hotels will deliver a small one to your room if you call and tell them you're a breastfeeding/pumping mom. When I travel, I use breastmilk bags so transportation home is easier. I bring this ice chest with me if I'm going to be gone for a short trip – 2 or 3 days. I remove the plastic liner so I can fold it and put it in my bag for my outbound flight. Be sure to also pack some ice packs like these ones. If you're staying in a hotel, you can also ask for a ziplock of ice when you're departing. I like that the ice chest can be worn on my shoulder and it fits in the overhead compartment for my return. If you're going to be gone for a longer period, are pumping for multiples, or have a larger volume of milk – I suggest looking into some breastmilk shipping companies. Some business even include it as a benefit for moms! Just be sure to leave a little extra time getting through security. I have TSA pre-check, but because it's liquid – they will still have to scan them all. I request that it is not put through the x-ray machine and checked manually. My favorite thing is getting a young, single TSA guy that has to check all of my breastmilk. They handle it like it's dirty underwear and it makes me crack up inside at how uncomfortable they look. Hey TSA teenager – It's not toxic or contagious! Quite the opposite. I have been told by TSA personnel that frozen milk does not need to be checked – but it is not recommended that frozen and thawed breastmilk be refrozen, so I always keep mine fresh/liquid and freeze when I get home.

Common Problems

Breastfeeding is the natural way to feed a baby, but that doesn’t always mean it’s uncomplicated.

I will be honest and say that I had a fairly easy time breastfeeding my babies. Aside from the pain in the first few weeks, they all latched really well from the start. I did learn a lot from my nurses in the hospital, and always took the offer to see a lactation specialist with each baby, even after having experience under my belt from nursing #1. It wasn't always perfect though – my nipples cracked and bled and I remember digging my heals into the ground each time Asher latched for the first few weeks. This organic lanolin-free cream by the way was a LIFESAVER for #2 and 3. I also had mastitis with Asher pretty late – around 6 months and got so sick that I was vomiting and had a super high fever. I actually think that was a culprit in sending me into the postpartum flare up I had with him. They say it should come naturally and it shouldn't hurt. But for a lot of women that is not the case. There's a ton of different reasons why breastfeeding may be difficult or not work for you, and that's totally ok. Breastmilk really is the best option for a baby though, so make sure you've ruled out and tried to overcome all of these common issues first before switching to formula.

Latch and positioning problems (click here for latch resources)

Tongue tie (click here for tongue tie resources)

Thrush, mastitis, plugged ducts, engorgement (click here for remedies and resources)

Low supply (click here for supply issues and here for maintaining supply on Paleo and see more below)

Food sensitivities (see more below)

“Give yourself time and be gentle and positive to yourself with your thoughts. You are not failing. You are learning. Together.” – Kellymom.com

  Just a couple of notes in addition to the resources I linked on 2 of the issues listed above.

#4 Low Supply

I personally think the best way to increase your supply is to eat a nutrient-dense diet and nurse frequently. If you really want to increase it, I find it beneficial to pump after each feeding to completely empty the breasts and signal to the body that you need to make more milk. Read this article for more information. This article, while lengthy and somewhat extremist, is also a great read regarding nutrition for breastfeeding mothers. I also really like the points they make about low supply and the realistic and successful alternatives when exclusive breastfeeding is not an option. If you have an autoimmune disease, or any gut issues – I have to heed warning for trying to increase supply by way of supplements and even food. You can read more about my experience here– but when Easton was little I tried oats, brewer's yeast, Mother's Milk tea, and fenugreek supplements and I believe they all contributed to the terrible flare I had about a month later. I also did a Whole30 with 2 of my babies and filled up on tons of sweet potatoes and other starchy vegetables in an effort to stay satiated and increase supply, and I have since learned that too much starch can throw my gut into a downward spiral. If you start doing anything out of the ordinary from your typical routine, just keep a close eye on any new symptoms.

#5 Food Sensitivities 

Most websites and doctors will tell you that the food mom consumes does not affect the nursing baby. I think it varies by situation, but I noticed certain food intolerances in all of my babies during those first few months when their digestive system is still developing. If your baby is unusually fussy, the first step is to see someone who is experienced with helping mothers breastfeed and who observes the baby at the breast. Make sure none of common problems listed above are occurring first before looking to your diet. If it’s been determined that the baby has a good latch and is breastfeeding well, and the problem continues, it’s time to look for other culprits. In my experience, there are instances, when a nursing baby does react to something you have eaten and you may need to eliminate it. While lactose intolerance is extremely rare for babies, and typically develops after the age when, evolutionarily, human beings wean from breast milk, cow's milk can still be a problem. Babies can be sensitive to specific cow’s milk antibodies, in the form of proteins (not lactose), which pass into the mother’s milk. Read more about dairy sensitives here. Other culprits can be wheat, soy, corn, onions, garlic, chocolate, caffeine, and eggs. Grains, chocolate, dairy, and caffeine have affected all of my babies, and I noticed a significant decrease in fussiness and gas after feedings once I cut those out, as well as little to no spit up. I usually added some of those foods (minus grains because… Against all Grain…) in after 3-4 months. If you’ve ruled out everything else that may be causing your baby to be fussy or spit up, I think it's worth a try to eliminate the most common food culprits listed above for 2-3 days and reintroduce on food at a time to see if it has any effect. Keep a food journal where you can note any patterns between what you’re eating and baby's reaction. If you suspect a food, remove it from your diet completely for a few weeks. If there's no change, then you may need to look elsewhere. If you do see an improvement during the time you eliminated the food, do a little test by trying that one food group again and watching the baby symptoms closely. Just remember to only try one food at at time so you can track it easily. Just be cognizant to make up for any nutrition you may lack after cutting out a food group, especially if it previously made up a big part of your diet. For instance with dairy, look to things like almonds and green leafy vegetables like kale to ensure you’re getting enough calcium. And I always suggest checking in with your doctor or better – functional medicine practitioner – before eliminating or adding new foods.  

MORE RESOURCES

Breastfeeding Challenges in the Early Days

 Comprehensive List of Breastfeeding Concerns

15 Breastfeeding Problems and How to Solve Them

  This leads us to the next post: Formula Feeding! I suspect that is what the majority of you are interested in reading about – so stay tuned for early next week!   Photo credit Jennifer Skog Photography

Source: https://againstallgrain.com/2018/08/06/feeding-babies-0-6-months-breastmilk/

[toddlazarski]

Discovering Alambres in Milwaukee

Shepherd Express

Beef or pork? Tripa? What about lengua? I can’t live without at least trying every chorizo presented to me. And with any decent Mexican restaurant even pollo should be on the table for discussion—hinting at the biggest problem within the greatest, highest-varietal world cuisine: What do you order when you want everything?

Anyone with the maybe embarrassing experience of eating out with me at a proper Mexican spot has probably witnessed, with some gastrointestinal wonder, or maybe a guffaw, a personal solution to the conundrum. It is what I’ve long deemed the “entree-plus” method. What you do is order, say, a torta dinner, but then, politely holding your finger up to indicate to the waitress you are not yet done with your wish list, also ask for a couple of tacos. For the side. Maybe get the shrimp diablo, and team it with a simple desebrada number. Try the bistec ranchero, but with a sidecar of cecina. Possibilities become endless, but within, the basic premise is simple: to run the meat gamut, as much as possible, exponentially increase your lipid-and-sauce variations, skip the fear of missing out, make lunch a cultural deep dive, in the process achieving your Epicurean best self, spinning life into a fete of curiosity, not restraint, and turning the table into one of those fashionably messy, rustic Bon Appetit cover photo shoots.        

But what if the answer to the ubiquitous meat question, with all the options, all the exotic-sounding proteins, is, more simply—in that annoying social media vernacular vain—“Yes, please!”  

Enter the Mexico City specialty known as the Alambre. Spanish for “wire,” the word is indeed rooted in a meat combo cooked on a skewer. But it is a shish kabob in spirit only. In the real world it exists as a single plate amalgamation, a meat party, that is actually more like a sizzling late-night drunk skillet of all the most satisfying things found in the furthest crevices of the fridge. Among the multitude varietals, the basic offering mixes steak, chopped bacon, bell peppers, onions, melty cheese. Chorizo is a common contributor as well. Ham can sometimes be considered a healthy alternative—which tells you much about the nature of the dish. Avocado is also a usual suspect. But remember, as it tells itself every morning when looking in the mirror, that is good fat. A blank slate for Fieri-level exploration when sided by tortillas and some salsa, the alambre is a vessel of a DIY taco tour through a good Mexican grocery store.  

My introduction came on 25th and Greenfield Avenue, where the sadly-shuttered El Canaveral once specialized in the plate. It is a meal that still exists like something out of Proust, the memory triggering hunger daydreams of winter nights spent hunkered over a posse of a meat pile, a craggy, cheesy sponge for their quintet of creamy salsas, each building on the last in hue, heat, and intensity. What was truly unique, in those Canaveral salad days, was I only felt the need to order one thing. One word, even, levied to the waitress, enough to hold all the Mexican meal promise one might reasonably ask for. I often bemoan the loss, wistfully ponder the empty husk of the handsome and cozy corner barroom, consider the death of all that smoking meat waft potential. But in loving pursuit of those bite memories, I set out to chronicle what remains, to capture at least a loose roadmap of Milwaukee’s best single-steaming-plate Mexican marriage of foodstuffs.    

4. Kompali Taqueria

Maybe the most telling thing about restaurateurs Karlos Soriano and Paco Villar is how little, through maybe two dozen meals, I’ve ever found wrong with either of their two spots. First, they put too much pineapple on the pastor offering at Kompali, the new taco joint. Second, as a waitress once chastised me for a request, scolding, “I only have two hands!” it seems they can’t find great help at C-Viche. That is it. Everything else—from the aji verde sauce to the pork beans to the esquite to the pisco sours to the succulent beef hearts fit for even those squeamish about, “wait, this is heart?”—feels somehow  in turns regional and personal, and like it’s been consummated with a sense of thoroughness and chile peppered-love. C-Viche is really just a couple of brunch misfires short of upholding my contention that it is maybe the most interesting, if not flat out best, restaurant in Milwaukee.

Which is to say their second, stripped down, taco and tequila-focused Brady Street replacement of Cemapazuchi is certain to deliver on the basics. And it does: from the distinctly salty, cumin-tinged, creamy tomato salsa that comes with the chips, to the smoky chipotle mayo-textured blend that comes with the tacos, it is a happy ideal of Mexican cooking that Cempazuchi only really seemed to be that one time on TV. They also personify an ideal starter alambre for the uninitiated—in prefab taco form. Diced carne asada tumbles uniformly with tender chopped ham and slightly crunchy bacon bits, everything topped with onion and bell pepper before being swathed in smooth goo queso and swaddled neatly inside a homemade tortilla. While the rest of the list here strive for something between gut burstage and a drunken munchie sate, this is a happy, reasonable start not only to an alambre tour, but to a night out. With little threat of overwhelming, without grease-bombing, with nary a worry as to not having room for more drinks, dessert. In fact maybe that’s a third complaint. Or it would be if I wasn’t so happy filling up with their housemade chorizo, the aforementioned pastor, etc.  

3. Al Pastor

Despite the nachos and burritos and ‘Stallis zip code, the menu at Al Pastor does specifically promise “Mexico City style cuisine,” and alongside the eponymous pork stuff of taco dreams and the likes of bistec en chile de arbol, the alambre is presented, simply, honestly, as a “delicious combination.”     

Thin folds of tender skirt steak, with prominent sear marks, generous seasoning and decent snap, dominant the taste swirl of the mashup plate. These are buoyed by bits of salty ham—some grilltop-blackened, some fleshy; tiny granules of charred chorizo, lending a greasy beating heart to the whole; semi-charred wedges of red and green bell peppers; and bright Oaxacan cheese, half-melted throughout, gooping and draping everything like a tangled favorite blanket. Hunks of pineapple occasionally turn up too, contrasting the saltiness, lending some sweet bright sunshine, even to a barren block of Burnham in February.

It’s a richly savory meat sludge, all aspects breaking up under fork pressure, colliding, tussling, coming together in earthy, brackish bites, steaming and begging to be patted atop lightly griddled, sturdy flour tortillas. Ratchet everything up with a surprisingly zinging fresh jalapeno salsa, or a fiery vinegar-laced, arbol-based red. It’s emblematic of when food writers, like sportwriters, feel the need for that old adage of the package being greater than the sum of the parts. How else to describe the Giannis, Middleton, Bledsoe ball movement to open-three mindflow? The roll, the collective rhythm, the push and pull, the unexpectedness, the jazz, that extra-sensory unity. Like the Bucks, the alambre might be the one seed of Mexican cuisine. A “delicious combination” indeed.   

2. La Flamita

It’s like a scene out of a movie: the know-everything writer, pushing big nerd glasses back up on the bridge of his cook-bookish nose, trying out a bit of show-off Spanish, placing a knowing order, within which to don worldliness, after which to scribe a wise pen-sermon full of clever phrases and expensive-sounding words, is stopped in his cocky tracks with a simple question— “What meat?” Yes, apparently you can improvise, personalize your alambre here at this white truck parked on 20th and National. And while such off-balance thinking has led to many problematic orders through the years, it’s clear this is a dish that could only be messed up by a vegetarian. This is the thought the man in the order window must have, half-heartedly agreeing, nodding, patiently waiting, as I audibly recite every possible roster variation that comes to mind, eventually arriving on an All-Star team of asada, pastor, and chorizo.   

This is a to-go order of homogenized harmony, everything neatly, uniformly diced, melded, a goopy white cheese center holding the whole family together with the droopy, loving arms of a domineering grandmother. Nothing gets too far away, each bite seemingly packed with equal part onion and bell pepper hunks, velvety melty queso, and, in my iteration, craggly cow and greasy pork two different ways. Ignore the rote verde salsa in lieu of a truly mean-spirited, arbol-centered sauce. It lends a bit of heated vitality, vigor throughout all that togetherness. This eye-opening feel is furthered by full exploration of the bag. That tin-foiled brick down there isn’t more tortillas. It is a steaming baked potato. Soft, starchy, you can neatly crumble it atop the meat mix, or maybe refry a bit for next-morning eggs. Either way, it’s happily sponge-like, more salsa-soaking than french fries, and turns out to be an ingenious little carb-y loaf addition to the big styrofoam protein package. It’s also another surprising glimpse of the peripatetic nature of taco trucking—the road is a mighty teacher.

1. La Guelaguetza

The most delightfully-named taqueria in the city—the truck on 15th and Burnham takes its handle from an annual indigenous cultural festival in Oaxaca—has a handy translation placard for available meats: “lengua” is “tongue,” “cabeza” is “head,” “Alambres” is… “Alambres.”  Meaning, seemingly, that there is no translation. As in, if you don’t speak the language, you won’t get it. It reminds me of a time a well-meaning prankster member of my Mexican in-law tribe tried to let me in on the ultimate Spanish cuss, the one to use if anybody is really giving you a hard time. When I asked my wife to explain what it meant, I didn’t think the translation sounded so offensive. Until, later, at one of those extended relative gatherings, when, backed into a corner, being mocked for my broken espanol, fumbling for a face-saving zinger, I let the unmentionable phrase slip in front of an abuela, a tia, and a gaggle of cousins. All eyes on me, mouths aghast in collective terror and befuddlement, with crickets suddenly echoing around the awkward silence, it was like Lenny Bruce joking about Adolf Hitler. I haven’t been invited to a family funeral since.

What can’t be lost or misconstrued in translation is taste. So if you stumble through the three-syllables, you will be rewarded with an alambre of crispy asada, tender pastor from a bulbous stationary vertical spit of seasoned pork, and bacon wedges in varying levels of doneness. The multitude meat stuffs exist in loose, pepper-inflected affiliation, messily inconsistent chops leave incongruous bites—some onion-y, some gooey, all meaty and salty and dense. Such variety is the spice of life, as they say. Which is not true. Salsa is the spice of life. And the rojo here is blood red and angrily smoky, thick enough to hold its own on the mass, spicy but short of overpowering, so that the massive container of chopped, pickled habanero and onion sitting on the counter should still be utilized. Though, in the spirit of those male enhancement drug disclaimers, maybe consult with a doctor if there is any history of heart problems. A crumbly baked papa also sits atop the two-meal mash. And by now, it feels like, why not? It’s a spongy starch addition that is better to soak it up—the debris, the salty carnage, all the messy drip of life itself. Piquant, earthy, foreign, comforting, a concentrated slop of intricacy and nuance, the whole thing is really a beautiful sense bastardization, an amalgamation that only leaves trace amounts of grease guilt.     

Sometimes saying things you don’t understand really pays off.  

[wellpurorganics-blog]

Consuming Organic - Why and also How to Beginning

Why Eat Organic? The question should be, why not? I have actually been eating health food for concerning three years currently though I do rip off from time to time. I picked to change after reviewing two books. The initial was by Kevin Trudeau and also the second by Jordan Rubin. A lot of you have seen Trudeau on tv promoting his books and also might see him merely as a businessperson trying to make money. There are several doubters that think that his Natural Remedies publication is a sham. I'm not going to exist when I state that I was somewhat aggravated that guide was even more of a referral tool. The book itself made me wish to eat healthier yet it described Net sites and also other books to respond to a number of my questions. I was discouraged when I went to Trudeau's site to locate that I would require to end up being a member to obtain even more details. I make certain this is an excellent system for Trudeau to make millions as well as this might make him seem unstable, and also, he absolutely does not have a background in health care. Something I can state concerning Trudeau is that the concept of eating healthy and balanced as well as remaining healthy merely by eating an organic version of all the food I consume currently definitely triggered my rate of interest. I was likewise pleased with the truth that he wasn't afraid to inform the public why the government benefits from supplying us garbage food like McDonald's and Burger King. I was certainly persuaded that eating natural was the method to go when I read Jordan Rubin's story. He was diagnosed with Crohn's Condition and also cured himself after several not successful bouts of healthcare facility gos to in and also out of the U.S.

  I chose to put what I found out to good usage and also started shopping at the community "health food store". I went down those added pounds like nothing once I switched over to health food, mind you; this desired several months of diet attempts. There were times when I would certainly simply have salads only as well as the weight simply seemed difficult to get rid of! What I really did not understand when I was gobbling down my salads is the fact that I was likewise swallowing down pesticides.

cbd for sleep

Lots of individuals understand that there are pesticides located in much of the fruit and vegetables at the food store however we don't read about any individual getting sick or dying from it, so we consume it. What some people do not know (like myself at the time) is that when you consume foods like these, the toxins in your tummy start to build up and prevent your body from releasing waste, subsequently making us acquire unneeded weight. I was beginning to cleanse my body as well as began to really feel far better than ever. I was happy that I went to my typical weight again and also I saw that as soon as this weight was attained, I quit losing. I can maintain my weight also when I splurge on natural delicious chocolate or other treats since they're not stuffed with chemicals.

  I tried to persuade people to obtain onboard the organic wagon often times and also was slightly not successful. I remain to attempt to persuade my mommy yet it isn't taking. There is a huge false impression around that organic food is like rabbit food yet this is entirely incorrect! I get on my method to persuading my best friend, but her partner is not interested and also dinnertime can be a challenge when you require to make 2 separate meals. It can occasionally be difficult as a guest at a person's home when they see that you are eating very little food. Some might pick to satirize you just due to the fact that they don't understand. For example I have actually gone to events where a friend or family member will state something like, "We made this food for the celebration, but you can't eat it since only consume organic". Often I seem like a rebel when all I have actually been doing is making healthy and balanced food choices for my family members and also myself. I have actually officially determined to just maintain it to myself generally, yet no one can stop me from sharing my discovery with a basic target market. I don't plan to preach to anyone concerning what they need to or shouldn't do since I have been understood to stray occasionally. My factor is to allow you understand that you can look and feel excellent by just changing to organic food and also I want to spread the word due to the fact that the distinctions I've seen in myself are so amazing I wish that everyone can have the exact same experience.

  I am no more "lactose intolerant". I couldn't even look at an item of cheese or glass of milk 3 years back without getting ill as well as wasn't thinking about taking over-priced Lactaid pills each day to enjoy the foods I love. I essentially quit consuming cheese as well as drinking milk- not a great idea. These stomachaches did not simply occur when I took in these items. I was an instructor working with kids of unique requirements and also was under a decent amount of tension so I connected this as the factor for having an indigestion every day. It would certainly begin right after lunch as well as would last for at the very least a half hr, otherwise, for the entire afternoon. I would have an upset stomach when taking a trip since I was paranoid that my day-to-day belly would certainly come back and I would certainly be entraped in the car or perhaps worse- public transport. The stomachaches got worse as well as I skipped many meals simply to avoid being sick for the remainder of the day. Little did I realize all I had to do is consume food that had not been toxic as well as consume more of it!

CBD for Anxiety

Despite the fact that I still looked decent, I observed that specific things simply weren't the very same. My nails were thin and also fragile. My chin was continuously bursting out. My hair started to slim and also my doctor tested me for malnutrition. The doctor claimed I require to eat more and also take Lactaid and also she fluffed me off with a bag loaded with example packages of fiber and calcium supplements and also sent me on my method. Reflecting currently, I discover it a little funny that the supplements included propylene glycol, an agent utilized to clean antifreeze off the floors of garages.

  After numerous stomachaches, brand-new diet regimens and also much research study, I finally changed to raw organic cheese and also fresh raw milk located at a farm in Massachusetts as well as my lactose problem mored than. Raw milk as well as cheese consist of the essential real-time enzymes required to aid our belly damage down lactose and also absorb less complicated. Pasteurization and also homogenization destroy these real-time enzymes together with a lot of the vitamins. Why consume milk as well as consume cheese when they practically have no benefit to your health and wellness because they've been removed of every little thing that makes them excellent in the first place? As well as, clean it down with some Lactaid and also water along with a few undesirable chemicals I make sure? My nails and skin became much healthier as an outcome of drinking raw milk and I can now take pleasure in both milk and also cheese without the painful pain that would typically comply with.

  Lots of people think that raw milk threatens. I did a lot of research study before determining to drink it as well as much more research study prior to I gave it to my little girl. It is risk-free when you purchase the raw milk from a local ranch that is certified organic due to the fact that the milk is constantly evaluated for germs counts and also the ranch gets numerous unscheduled gos to for arbitrary testing. The ranch is not permitted to sell the milk if the microorganisms count is above a particular degree as well as will certainly shed their license up until it fulfills the proper standards. The cows are fed hay and also alfalfa throughout the winter as well as stroll freely with the pastures. They are anxiety complimentary and are not required to consume corn that takes a toll on their system- despite having 4 bellies!

  Raw milk as well as cheese combined with health food has actually transformed my wellness right. I also consume Goji berry juice for prolonged health benefits in addition to Noni juice from time to time. They each expense regarding $35.99 per container so I consume them when I can and alternate in between the two simply to keep my spending plan. Mentioning budgeting, you're most likely wondering just how in the world I take care of healthy and balanced eating with the economy the way it is while practically living income to income. Most importantly, I confessed to myself that I would possibly need to make a couple of sacrifices here and there to free up part of my allocate a lot more pricey food. What I recognized down the road is that I was in fact spending around the very same amount of money, a little a lot more now and then. Why? Due to the fact that when you eat natural, you consume much less since the food in fact makes you full. I made it my part-time job to go to as lots of shops in my location as feasible to take a tally of what foods and drinks they lug and contrasted the costs. I discovered which stores carry the foods I consume often and which shops I would certainly visit on occasion for products like Goji and also Noni juice. Even though it didn't take as much of a toll on my pocketbook as I anticipated, all of us still require to cut corners and also discover the most effective plan on our hard-earned money.

  Consuming organic and also conserving cash can go together if you do it right as well as make it crucial enough to devote time to every week. I may not have a fail-safe technique, however, for now, I shop at a wide variety of stores at various times relying on what I want to buy. I have formally released myself from the over-priced community "natural food store". It was hassle-free to get every little thing I need in one area, however it was costing me an arm and a leg. I might shop at one or 4 of these shops on the weekend break: Trader Joe's, Rate Chopper, Stop & Store, Market Basket, a local fish market, a little nutrition store in the next community and a local co-op. I stopped shopping at Shaw's as soon as I bought my third product of run out organic food. The only thing I travel for is my raw natural milk as well as it's worth every mile for milk that tastes similar to thinned vanilla gelato!

  I'm mosting likely to leave you with a checklist of some of the things I purchase, from where, as well as an idea of what each price so you can see that it is feasible to eat healthy on a spending plan- as long as you don't mind doing a little additional job as well as of course a little cooking! Keep this in mind when you are the one attempting to encourage somebody to switch over to natural and they believe it's ludicrous. Provide this instance, If you went to work and also you had a headache that was making you sick but had no medication as well as your colleague supplied you a brand-new over the counter pain reliever as well as told you it functions far better than any type of other, would you question them, or would you say thank you and also take the tablet? Why would not you question a chemical that will enter your body yet you will examine why you should consume pure food?

  Here's my list:

  Regional Fish Market, "Mekong":.

  Haddock (Not farm-raised!) $4.99/ lb.

Salmon (Not farm-raised!) $5.99/ pound.

  Supermarket are running out of fresh fish and are looking to undesirable farm-raised fish, and also fresh wild-caught fish from your regional fish market is more affordable!

  Local Food Co-Op: (This store is about 12' by 12'. It is a little prize that I would certainly never ever learn about without doing research online. Every little thing noted right here is natural. This is wonderful for people who have extremely little cash to spend due to the fact that you can offer your time as well as work there to receive price cuts on your acquisitions! A lot of items are in containers so you bring your very own bags and also consider them.):.

  Black beans.

Kidney Beans.

Pinto Beans.

( Primarily, any kind of beans).

Split Peas (All natural legumes range from $.99 -1.75/ lb.).

Rolled Oats about $1.00/ lb.

Hazelnut delicious chocolate bar I can't locate anywhere else! $3.99.

Celtic sea salt about $1.50 will fill up a saltshaker (This is a huge cost savings!).

  The Nutrition Resource: (This is an additional little prize that I uncovered in the town following door as well as they are really similar to the most prominent nourishment store in the city at about half the price. They also throw in cost-free samples when they obtain new items. This is priceless- essentially. You must locate a store like this.).

  I acquire my natural legumes, oatmeal and also sea salt right here when I do not go to the co-op because they are close to the same cost but have a smaller sized option with pre-made bags.

  Raw organic honey tiny container $4.99.

  Organic spinach pasta regarding $2.49 per box.

  Organic raisins concerning $1.50/ pound.

  Goji berry juice 1 liter usually $35.99 however has actually been on sale at $26.99 for months (This never happens anywhere else.).

  Noni juice 1 liter regarding $36.99 per container (The Goji and also Noni will last 2-4 weeks).

  Organic coconut oil regarding $11.99 for a jar that will last 1 month.

  All-natural hair gel about $9.99 for a container that lasts my spouse 1 month.

  Jason's all-natural bleaching toothpaste about $5.99.

  I need to be careful in this little shop because I can quickly drop $100.00 merely due to the offers and also fun brand-new products. Don't fail to remember stay concentrated when buying!

  Misty Creek Ranch: (This one's the doozie. This is where I do not reduce edges and also spend the most amount of cash on a consistent basis. I travel 45 mins away to this nearby farm to purchase my scrumptious raw organic milk. The farm offers a meat in addition to a restricted variety of products according to season however every one is 100% fresh and many are organic.).

  One 1/2 Gallon raw natural milk in the canning container (Practically right from the cow!) $4.50 plus deposit (I normally get 4 however it's never sufficient. Find out more concerning the advantages of raw "natural" milk and believe me whatever good you review holds true.).

  Organic Potatoes $2.99/ pound. Straight from the ground!

  Organic free array poultry and also duck eggs $5.00/ lots.

  Meat is really costly but scrumptious and also the cleanest meat out there.

  Trader Joe's: (This location is complicated because really few of the products that read organic are 80% organic or much more. They can just be 50% or more and this leaves room for 1/2 of the product to contain junk.):.

  Stoneyfield Ranch Yogurt big container is $1.00 cheaper than at the food store.

  Organic Bananas 3/$ 1.00.

  Organic apples $4.99/ 5 pound. Bag.

  Organic oranges $5.99/ 5lb. bag.

  Hummus about $1.00 less costly than the grocery store.

  Organic russet/red potatoes $4.99/ bag.

  Organic grain $1.00-2.00 cheaper than food store.

  Organic pasta sauce $1.00 cheaper than food store.

  Eggs $4.99/ lots (Average price yet much better "food store" eggs).

  Organic Fruit strips for treats $.49 ea.

  Natural oatmeal/almond soap- significant bar $2.99.

  Idea: Don't buy the bread because it is very dry.

  Right here's the very easy component:.

  I shop at the food store for virtually every little thing else since it is practical. You really have to take care not to stray when you go to the grocery store as well as you intend to make sure that you're not buying something that is "natural" since it suggests absolutely nothing. I usually acquire products that usually have a lengthy life span from the grocery store. Products that need to be fresh like fish, eggs as well as milk need to be purchased elsewhere.

  Study online as well as look up organic food to locate shops local to you. Do some window-shopping for the things you buy one of the most and find the best locations to go shopping to stockpile on needs. Get excellent recipes on line as well. Absolutely take a look at Jordan Rubin's website and also his books to have an understanding of how much you can alter your life by eating health food. Read about the benefits of natural coconut oil, Goji and Noni juice as well as raw milk.

  You will certainly realize that there is very little you need to transform. You'll more than likely simply be buying a healthier version of the foods you already consume as well as may uncover a few brand-new things that you like. If you look hard enough, you'll discover that there is and also natural version of virtually every little thing out there. Making the switch can be as simple as starting to acquire just organic foods at your food store until you obtain the urge to check out much more. Delight in!

[inotes]

The One & Only Cure-All

Adderall saved my life. But after nearly 5 years, I began to worry it was taking years off of it. About a year and a half ago, I began weaning myself off because I was experiencing some health issues that I thought might be related to taking Adderall. 

I developed symptoms early on that I had never experienced before. There was the anxiety that made taking even a 5-minute car ride feel like an eternity and restless leg syndrome that made even sitting feel like jogging. After about four years of Adderall, anti-anxieties, and mood stabilizers, I also developed asthma. I've never had allergies or asthma in my life, so I didn't know that's what it was, but my ability to breathe was progressively getting worse and I was afraid that one day I would just stop being able to breathe altogether. I did a ton of research and had lots of tests done to try and figure it out. One doctor even told me I was just stressed, which is usually what they say when they just don't know how to diagnose something. 

Eventually, I began taking a $350 steroid inhaler which had to be replenished every month and was not covered by insurance. In addition to the unreasonable cost, my breathing was only about 70% better and if I didn’t closely follow the directions, I could get a yeast infection in my mouth from the inhaler. I just couldn’t accept that out of the blue all of the sudden I had developed asthma for seemingly no reason at all. Doctors would only provide a prescription for symptoms, so I went on a quest to solve the problem myself. 

Adderall Detox 

After researching forums with comments from people who were taking the same medications and experiencing similar symptoms, I was convinced the development was due to all the medication I was on. I also learned that the way Adderall and many other mood stabilizers work is by blocking your brain from receiving aminos (what your brain is made of) and your body from receiving sodium. This can wreak havoc on your system. 

I immediately stopped taking all the medication except for the Adderall which I began slowly reducing my dose of each month to avoid having unmanageable withdrawals. 

Separately, an exceptionally talented pharmacologist suggested my asthma was due to a build up in my system of all the medication I was taking and recommended a 3-month detox regimen that included replenishing my body of its amino’s, as well as naturally treating my ADD symptoms. This helped a ton and I could finally actually breathe on my own without any issues.

Finding The Root Of The Problem

Once I completed the 3-month program, I had some additional tests done and learned I have gluten, dairy, and soy allergies, as well as a common genetic mutation called MTHFR, which means my body can't methylize (turn it into a usable form) folic acid (an important nutrient responsible for brain development). Folate (or folic acid) is such an important nutrient that doctors prescribe it to pregnant women to prevent potential birth defects caused by a deficiency of it. 

In relation to the food allergies, studies have shown an 80% correlation between people with celiac disease and autism, and autistic people who stop eating gluten stop showing autistic behavior even before their digestive system begins improving. If a gluten allergy could be related to autism, could it also be related to other neurological disorders, like ADD? 

The Trade-Off

After changing my diet and detoxing for about a year, I have had much improvement with the help of plenty of special supplements designed for my genetic mutation and food allergies. However, after being off Adderall completely for 6 months and reducing my dose for even longer, my energy level, motivation, and ability to focus have all been exhausted for over a year now. Perhaps the winter months are just extending the symptoms, but I’m unable to absorb all of the vitamin-D I take in supplement form, and without dairy, I just don't get enough. 

Without Adderall, the majority of my day is spent sleeping or trying to find the energy to work, only to squeeze out a mere 2 hours of work. I struggle with the fact that I am so unproductive and so now I've decided to take the smallest dose of Adderall (extended release only) every day for the remainder of the winter and will try going off it again once I can get my vitamin D from the sun again. I have been experiencing some asthma; could be from the Adderall, could be from the really poor air quality where I live right, could be both. But for now, it's worth the trade-off. 

I make sure I'm consistent with my dose- I take the same amount every day whether I feel like I need it or not because skipping a day here and there is dangerous and can make you really unstable. I don't take fast-acting Adderall for the same reasons. I have enough going on in my head- I don't need suicidal thoughts, too. 

Addressing It From All Angles

Just about all of us have some sort of ailment or another. What I’ve learned is that there is just no simple cure or resolution most of the time. We are all complex individuals with a variety of problems that, when combined, are unique to only ourselves and require a custom solution designed by a whole list of experts. Our physical, mental, and emotional issues have to be addressed from all angles (mind, body, spirit). You may come across something like Adderall that seems to be the answer to all your problems at first, but soon you discover that there is more to it than that, and even more still after that. Much of it is trial and error, and there is always a trade-off: If I don't want to break out into a rash, then I shouldn't eat pizza, but if the only food I enjoy is pizza, then I'll take the occasional rash just to enjoy my meal once in a while (don’t get me started on gluten-free vegan alternatives). I don't like not being able to breathe, but I can at least treat the symptoms for now so I can get myself back to work and have money to bring in until I can create a better solution. 

If you’ve found yourself on an endless search for a cure, my advice to you is to do the best you can with what you’ve got and try not to take yourself or your condition too seriously. I developed an eating disorder called Orthorexia after obsessing over my health too much and creating too many rules for myself. If you suffer from ADD or OCD, try your best to do things in moderation and create a balanced life where you work and play every day. Don’t over-complicate your life by adding things to it that you know you can’t manage. Focus on you first so that you're strong enough to also contribute to others and have meaning and purpose, and are building healthy relationships. Relationships are key to our happiness. 

Things You Can Try

Naturopathic Doctors: If you want something tangible to try, you could talk to a naturopathic doctor- just make sure you see one that is highly credible, because, like anything, there are good ones and not so good ones. The main job of a naturopathic doctor is to get to the root of the problem, not just provide a band-aid to treat symptoms. They can help you find natural ways to treat ADHD and can test you for any food allergies, immune or genetic disorders, see if you're nutrient deficient, etc.- if you're concerned about any of that. The one I see is www.natmedlogan.com. 

Health & DNA Testing: If you want a cost-effective way to test a lot of things all at once, you can go to www.23andme.com and do their Health+Ancetry test. It's $199 and will tell you nearly everything you'd want to know about your health and DNA. If you give the test results to a naturopathic doctor, they can interpret them for you, or there are sites you can upload them to for free that will do the same. 

Supplements: I don't recommend taking supplements manufactured by brands you don't know you can trust. Supplements are not regulated enough in the U.S. so many are filled with things they don't put on the label and sometimes they don't even include the supplement listed on the label at all. If you don’t believe me, watch PBS’ Frontline episode on Supplements and Safety. The brands I use and trust (recommended by my doctor) are Priority One, Vital Nutrients, Gaia, Pure Encapsulations, and Thorne Research. 

Binaural Beats: Another thing you can try is listening to binaural beats. They're meant to retrain your brain waves similar to how you might burn a CD and then burn over it again with something else (maybe you’re too young to remember burning CD’s but hopefully you get the point). They pattern-interrupt your brain when it gets stuck- like when we get stuck in a pattern of negativity so much we can't stop, and then one day something different happens and we just snap out of it and are fine. I know that when I’m up or down, I can’t make any logical sense of how I got to that place- there’s no single clear cause that I can pinpoint and use to get me back to my happy-go-lucky self or to steer clear of waking up on the wrong side of the bed and ending up in a funk again. Binaural beats help break the pattern our brains waves get stuck in and re-route them to the desired frequency. There are many different ones for just about anything you can think of- ADD, sleep, depression, anxiety, energy, immune system, etc. You can find them on YouTube or Spotify and listen to them while you sleep or while you're awake, for a long time or short. For best results, use headphones when you play them. I listen to them every day- how often you need to will depend on you and your environment. 

Plan A Good Strategy

Once you get into finding a cure, it can consume your life, and if you have ADD, you're prone to allow it to do so. Set up some rules and boundaries for yourself before you begin to keep things in check once you start, and make sure you have a good support system for when it gets to be too much. Here are some rules you might consider adopting: 

Daily Balance- 15-30 min of exercise; sleep 9-10 hours; 15 min of sunshine; personal time; challenge your brain; contribute to society; socialize; laugh; eat a balanced diet with healthy carbs, fats (for the brain), fiber, and rich nutrients; stay hydrated; reward yourself; etc.

Don't do anything for more than 2 hours at a time without taking a break.

Play music that makes you want to sing or dance. Dance. 

Create Pinterest boards, video, music (and binaural beats), and reading playlists that you can refer to when you need help getting out of a funk. I have a "pull your head out of your ass" playlist that reminds me to not take everything so serious. 

Remove anything toxic from your life. 

If you get stuck in a negative pattern, swear off anything but comedy in your life for several months. 

Don't be too hard on yourself and don't be too hard on others.

Meditate. I recently came across Yoga Nidra, which can be done in any quiet place where you can lay down and put headphones on for up to 30 minutes. It stimulates creativity, energy, mental clarity and focus, and reduces stress, anxiety, and depression. 

Make a clear list of your goals, limitations, expectations and exceptions. If I find myself obsessing about something new, I know it will lead to burn out, and I must find a way to address it in moderation.

This is not an exhaustive list of things I’ve tried or come across. There’s also the problem with fluoride and chlorine in our water, mercury poisoning from dental work, good and bad bacteria, a whole library of necessary nutrients, micronutrients, phytonutrients, and nano-nutrients that will all make your head spin, the problem with our food supply, electromagnetic fields, red and blue light therapy, SDD light therapy, aromatherapy, a variety of different types of psychotherapists, a variety of different types of diets, infrared saunas, regular saunas, Chinese medicine, acupuncture, massage therapists, kundalini yoga, Buddhism, enlightenment....the list goes on and on and on. They all claim to be the cure-all but again- you should address it from all angles, and with ADD, take things in moderation.