#i still have no idea how to process death in a healthy way either‚ and generally can't cry unless alone.

[squid--inc]

.......

[galaxy-fleur]

how would leon react to the death of his s/o?

if it's someone that used to be his partner, life long friend and the like, asking with that in mind as i am looking for some angst :'D

Ah, I see you wanna make me sad, anon... Well you've come to the right place, because I am nothing but a sucker for angst.

Honestly... Yeah, ouch, it's a painful thing to think about. Leon is no stranger to loss, and that's putting it lightly. While most people don't even think about losing someone they care about until it suddenly becomes a harsh reality, for Leon? It's more a question of 'when', rather than 'if'. It could happen tomorrow for all he knows, or it could happen 40 years in the future. Either, it will happen. It's grim, but when you have to confront your own mortality and the mortality of others around you as frequently as he does, it's kind of inevitable. Leon does not get the luxury of going through his everyday life blissfully oblivious about death or its inevitability.

In a way, it's a double-edged sword.

On the other hand, it also makes it hard to live in the present, when all the horrible 'what if's creep into his mind, one after another. His acceptance of this never-ending trail of death does not imply that he is content with it. He's not. Every loss is not any easier than the last one, no matter how many he inevitably loses. In a way, it's a testament to his heart. The way he will inevitably come to care for other people and feel for them, regardless of his own circumstances. It's something to admire about him. However, it also hurts him.

On the one hand, it makes him acutely aware of just how precious every moment he gets to spend with those close to him are. He doesn't take you for granted, in part because he understands all too well just how precious and fleeting these moments of peace and happiness are. He'll make every moment count, and he'll be open and vulnerable in his feelings. Because he is all too aware of the regret that comes from keeping things to himself until it is too little too late. Every goodbye will be accompanied by a sincere 'I love you' and a kiss that feels like the last with how much emotion he pours into it. Because, for him, it just might be the final one.

We know that Leon lives by the idea that 'it is your responsibility to those that died to keep going'. Dealing with the pain of loss in this way is not very healthy. But it's what he does. And that's also what's going to occur in this case. Lord knows he'll be a complete wreck for a long while. It simply makes me too sad to think about him having to carry something so heavy alone, so I can only hope he will have someone there for him during this process. He'll drink himself into oblivion, try and avoid all physical reminders of you, only to then cling onto every single little trace of you he has left, only for that cycle to switch again after a few weeks have passed.

So, how would he react to the loss of a significant other? Well, he'd be devastated. It's a dull ache he knows all too well, but it's so much worse when it's someone this important to him. He'd blame himself. He always does. Even if your death had nothing to do with his occupation, or it was a mere freak accident neither of you could have prevented, or even something that was long expected for one reason or another. He'll still blame himself first. Be it for failing to protect you, not being there to at least try and save, or just not spending enough time with you. Something small and mundane like him being too tired to watch that movie you wanted a week ago, or him being annoyed by you leaving that plate in the sink without washing it now feel like horrible mistakes he now regrets to his very core.

He just finds it easier to place the entire blame on himself, in a sense. Even though it simply has a detrimental effect on his mental health, he might feel somewhat in control by doing so. And that's better than feeling so utterly helpless.

Grieving is a process, and he'll have to go through every stage of it. I do feel like he is, unfortunately, likely to never move past the depression stage of grief. Unless he has someone there to pull him out of it, he is very much likely to just... never fully recover.

Regardless, I don't think he'd do anything to himself. He wants to. It's a want he knows well. But he doesn't let himself take the easy way out. He's not worthy of it. He owes it to you to keep going. So, he does. He picks himself up and keeps moving forward despite his brokenness and lack of direction. On missions, he will be notably more careless, which I believe could cause some issues. He may even be sent on a kind of 'forced vacation' because he is constantly putting himself in danger without thinking about his own safety and occasionally acting borderline suicidally. Losing someone as valuable as Leon S. Kennedy would be just too much of a loss.

Additionally, even after he recovers, I believe he will keep some of your belongings. Possibly a photo he holds especially dear, or a piece of clothing that you used to wear. It makes him feel a little bit closer to you even though it doesn't smell like you after all this time. I also think he'll make it a tradition to visit your gravestone every anniversary. He won't be able to do it for a year or two, but when he does, it will be a really therapeutic experience. He'll clean up the gravestone, leave out your favorite flowers and then have a quiet picnic of sorts, while telling you all about how he's been. I don't think Leon believes in afterlife, but... in these moments, it's a nice, wishful thought he can't help but indulge it. He wonders if you're there with him, laughing along to one of his jokes, or scolding him for not taking better care of himself.

I would like to think that his 'I don't deserve to kill myself because I owe it to them to keep going' mentality would eventually change into 'they wouldn't want me to die, they would want me to live and be happy'. With the support of those around him, hopefully. Even though the loss will always be painful, I hope that one day he will be able to look at a picture of the two of you and smile, even if it is with tears in his eyes. Instead of feeling guilty about not doing enough, I hope that one day he will be well enough to talk about your relationship with thankfulness for what he did get to do.

In any case, he will always hold a special place in his heart for you. Up until his own time comes. Be it in the heat of battle, or in peaceful sleep on his bed.

[selenestarmoon]

Honestly, the people who say Ryan is irredeemable are the same people who said the League of Villains from My Hero Academia were evil because of circumstances beyond their control and because they didn't react in an "acceptable" way to their traumas.

All the members of The League ended up being villains because of the injustices and dehumanization by everyone, because they were born with quirks they didn't ask for and also because of the unhealthy expectations that were imposed on them within their respective families and that they didn't receive any help: literally all of them hate themselves and see themselves as monsters that hurt people because everyone else is constantly telling them that they are monsters to the point that they genuinely came to believe that the only option they had was to die because they believed that otherwise they would be in prison all their lives and would have no future. And that is exactly what is happening with Ryan.

You have to remember that Ryan is a 12-YEAR-OLD BOY whose biological father spends very little time with him and the few times they spend time together that father ends up ruining those moments, he accidentally killed his mother because he couldn't control his powers and his other father figure loves him but at the same time he's testing if Ryan is trustworthy. Also, Ryan has horrible things revealed about his biological father and on top of that he is asked to kill that biological father who is the only living relative left to him and who has powers like him and on top of that he was threatened with sedation and locking him up, it was obvious that Ryan was not going to react well, that's too much for a kid to process.

Everyone sees Ryan as an object, and even Butcher and Homelander who genuinely love Ryan also dehumanize him; Butcher sees him as a weapon that can defeat Homelander, Homelander treats Ryan as his possession and can't stand anyone else having his son's attention.

And what about the little smile that Ryan lets out after seeing how the crowd cheered Homelander after seeing him kill someone? Like I said, Ryan is a kid and kids are blank slates and if the kid witnesses violence being perceived as something positive obviously the child will think that it is good to be violent. It's like when in Berserk, Farnese participated in a burning of heretics and burned people when she was a kid and instead of being told that what she did was wrong, people cheered her on which made Farnese internalize that burning people was something good.

And despite that, Ryan is still HORRIFIED by the idea of killing people. When he accidentally killed both Becca and Koy, Ryan felt horrible about it, he clearly doesn't want to kill Homelander or anyone else and the reason he doesn't react to Grace's death is because he was in a situation of high stress so he couldn't process what he did to Grace. Everyone is horrified by Ryan's accidental deaths but no one teaches him how to use and control his powers nor does anyone help him deal with guilt in a healthy way and the only person who does all this is Homelander but he does it in the worst way possible.

If everyone keeps treating Ryan in a dehumanizing way he will end up in two ways: either he becomes like Homelander or he decides to commit suicide to redeem himself because he believes he is a monster who hurts others and has no future.

All Ryan wants is to have a family and live like a normal boy his age and, honestly, I feel pity for him.

[kuroshitsuji-scenarios]

welcome back, im glad to see you again!! <3

i wanted to send in the idea of undertaker x bizarre doll reader! i do writings of my own take on this with an oc of mine, and wondered what your take would be like!

hope youre doing well~

Your idea is very interesting, I don't think I've written anything like that before. 🤔 Thank you!

Undertaker:

First and foremost, we need to consider whether Undertaker would fall for one of his Bizarre Dolls or would make his beloved one one of them. Regarding the latter, I believe it's very possible that he would reach for such methods if his lover would pass away—especially if it was due to some sudden accident or illness and not old age. While he would be able to prepare for you eventually dying if it was because of the sheer nature and your mortality, the possibility of abruptly having you taken away seems like it could cause quite a shock for him and make him do everything in his will to bring you back.

Either way, I don't think Undertaker is capable of handling the death of his closest ones in a healthy manner. Not anymore.

In some eerie, disturbing way, he certainly would be very attentive and caring for his lover's body during the whole process of changing. He would caress your hair, hold your hand and constantly reassure you that it's alright, that he won't let anything bad happen to you anymore and that soon you'll be able to talk again. As twisted as it sounds, he would still remain rather respectful—asking for permission before bathing you with a sponge and gently putting on new clothes, careful to not touch you in any way which could be considered inappropriate. He would be here to help you, after all, not to profane your body.

The amount of waiting would be the worst and somehow it would surprise him that his patience is growing thin in this case. He has always considered himself as a rather patient person, valuing time and effort instead of spontaneous decisions but when it comes to you, he would find it difficult to focus on anything else. Undertaker would keep an eye on you, constantly making sure that you're safe, your head rests against the soft pillow and your favourite scent fills the air. He would want to make you feel like home, as if it was nothing but a long nap.

Once he would have you back, however, he might be rather... disappointed. It was completely different when it came to strangers or people he didn't care about in the slightest but you—oh, he could clearly see how you changed. Not in a physical way, not necessarily, but your behaviour, your humour, your whole personality... He could pretend to not notice it but deep inside he would always know that you went to the place far away and no matter what he did he couldn't completely bring you back as a whole.

He would be devastated. Holding you close, smelling your hair and running his thumb up and down your shoulder, he would consider letting you go. Still, the mere thought would cause him even greater pain than the possibility of never meeting you in the first place. Undertaker would remain loving and caring, trying to humour you with his jokes and constantly keeping an eye on you just in case someone tried to take you away from him again. Unfortunately though, the guilt and loneliness would keep consuming him from the inside.

Things would be rather different when it comes to him falling for someone who was already one of the Bizzare Dolls. At first, he might not get any interest in you, your personality, your past or anything related to you, too focused on his own goals to pay attention to the nameless pawns... But as the time passed, Undertaker could notice that you were somehow peculiar. You weren't a mindless creature as his first Bizarre Dolls, on the contrary, you were amusing and fascinating. His interest, however, would be based purely on the fact that he didn't know you before. Perhaps he would grow fond of you even more while you were still alive but this kind of situation was out of subject so he wouldn't dwell on that. What mattered is that, how he actually enjoyed your company.

It was hard to tell whether death sharpened or dulled your personality but Undertaker knew one thing—this version, the current version, was something he liked. As ironic as it sounds, you made him feel almost alive, relieved after a day of hard work and content in your arms. You would be one of the few to prove to him that his experiment was, indeed, a success.

[onp4012]

Pick a Card: Is it time to let go of this connection or is there still hope?

Pick one of the pictures to get an advice regarding an ex-partner. It may or may not resonate. Really hope you like it!

feel free to suggest PAC ideas in the inbox!

Please like and reblog ^^

masterlist

Pile 1

Sun, Hanged Man, 4W, 5S, Death, 6W, Magician

The dynamic-> I feel like the energy between the two of you is very childish and you enjoy each other’s presence. For some of you, this might be a high school relationship. Either way, it seems that both partners are very inexperienced. Perhaps you have come together because you were clicking and getting along, probably had a lot of fun together, but you have realized just now that you are actually a bit more different than you have expected and you are disappointed. I don’t see serious fights and stuff, but rather inconveniences which can be overcame through communication and rational thinking. It doesn’t seem as serious as you might believe it is. Okay, I feel like this might be an ex or an ex friend you’re asking about and I’ll tell you straight: in my opinion, you should focus on yourself and not go back or try to fix things. The 5 of swords fell out of the deck, so it could mean that there might’ve been someone who cheated or betrayed.

Conclusion->there is no hope of getting back with them. You are better off alone and you need time for yourself. You do not need a partner right now so you can carry on and focus on yourself.

Pile 2

KNOS, Hermit, KOS, 5P, Sun, KNOP, 4S

The dynamic-> I can already feel the coldness of you or your person. Alright, perhaps this connection kinda ended because someone decided that they are better off single and the other person was like “are you for real leaving me because of this? Am I a joke to you?” And then a whole ass argument broke out in which the masculine retreated in himself and started ghosting and the feminine got pissed off and just left. It’s like this outbreak gave you clarity. You have sought guidance from the divine and you’ve been waiting for this reading probably. You are stronger now. There could be another situation in which money are involved. Perhaps this connection has dried you off money or while you were together you had financial issues, but once you have found yourself you have started to grow financially. It seems to me that you’ve had a good ol’ change and you have grown a lot as a person.

Conclusion->this connection was meant to be a lesson you had to learn. Leave it stay in the past as a memory and guide others you see disoriented. Never accept emotional coldness from your partner and learn more and grow more.

Pile 3

KNOW, 10S, Hermit, 5C, 2P, KNOP, 10W

The dynamic-> it seems to me that you have probably broke up because at some point things have become boring or one of the partners stopped being so fiery and passionate about their partner. It could be that one of the partners had wandering eyes and the other person felt betrayed. Could also be the fact that one of them lost feelings and said it straight that they do not love them anymore. I see both people suffering somehow. It’s like the person who has said those stuff thinks about the past and is still processing all of the things that happened. The other person is purely suffering and they are very sad and confused. I feel like you might be the second person and you are feeling lost and confused. I don’t see a future with this connection because of two reasons: first person lost feelings and doesn’t want to put in effort; second person has a tendency to be codependent which shouldn’t happen in a healthy relationship.

Conclusion-> do not try to revive this connection because things will only get worse and you need to learn how to establish boundaries and learn from your past mistakes. Never become codependent on your partner because you never know when they may leave

Pile 4

KNOW, 2P, 3S, Empress, 6P, KNOC, World

The dynamic-> this pile definitely gives me the idea that one of the partners cheated. I see this ex as someone who didn’t admit their feelings right and had no respect for their partner and then tried to blame their partner for their cheating. Very toxic energy around here. This person is definitely a player and you won’t want to face this piece of shit every again, I tell you that. There is someone kinder and even more beautiful coming to you. You must realize your whole potential and you will be gifted with a wonderful, caring and loving partner, the opposite of your ex. You need to step up in your power and not lose your kindness yourself. Do not go cold with the people around you, especially the ones who really love you. Control your emotions and be responsible with them. Never ever think about this person who has done you wrong because I can assure you that they will probably do you wrong in the future as well if you allow them to stay. This pile is similar to the previous pile.

Conclusion-> definitely not going back to this person because they have no respect for you and they are playing victim for nothing. You deserve so much better. Just wait and you’ll see.

Pile 5

7S, Death, 7P, 5P, 4P, 2S, QOC

The dynamic-> Lying, again. I feel like this connection ended because one of the partners wasn’t honest at all and they were very insecure and controlling and they were only acting confident. I feel a lot of insecurities coming from this pile tbh, it’s not even lack of self respect, it’s literally fear of losing someone you love so you manipulate them into thinking that you’re the only one who can love them. A very possessive and shitty energy. The masculine, or the more dominant part tried to keep the feminine attached to themselves and would get very jealous and could even get a bit aggressive whenever people would seem to look in the feminine’s direction. This could also be an abusive relationship for some of you (I am sorry you had to go through this). Remember, people don’t change, so don’t have your expectations up.

Conclusion-> please do not get back with this person because it is not a healthy connection. You should forgive this person for being like this but never come back to them, no matter how much they beg or cry.

______________________

Thx for reading the post. Hope you liked it and found it accurate ❤️ stay safe

[fastcardotmp3]

okay omg that makes so much sense actually about Steve and i think in general he's been such a constant for the party that going into season 5 without him would be really destabilizing and would really open up some space for some really interesting dynamics especially with Dustin and Eddie and Dustin and robin and just robin in general who's tether to the party is gone now, even Nancy who imo always saw him as her safe choice almost? like someone who would always be there in case it didn't work out?? soo all of that said how would you do it?? like how would you kill him??

it WOULD be so destabilizing! and you're right about the dynamics-- the reason I don't like the idea of them saving their Big Loss for the final season is that it doesn't give us any time to see the aftermath of what losing someone that vital to the group looks like, you know?

like the absence of a character you love is, in its own way, a continued presence and I think it's so important to a story like this one that (even if it forgets about it on a frequent basis) is so linked to the varied effects of grief on people

it's also the difference between killing off a character because you as a writer are done with them/ don't need them anymore since the show is ending and letting them die in an impactful way because that's the story being told, which is I think where a lot of people who don't like the idea of steve dying misunderstand where I'm coming from with it, because death is not inherently the end of a story nor the end of a character's importance to it!

but none of that answers your actual question I'm so sorry fjsdklf

I talked a bit about how I would kill steve in a pure replacement of Eddie's death scene here, but if you're giving me the chance to write it from scratch 👀 oh you know I am not going to deny you OR myself that fjasldkfj

Because if we're really leaning into the fact that Steve is the "gets back up" guy, I think his death would sneak up on us slowly until it ultimately just happens.

let me explain

Steve gets torn apart by those bats when he's dragged through the gate at Lover's Lake.

I mean he is well and truly fucked up in ways that aren't fully acknowledged by the show in canon, but what if we made that make sense? What if Steve gets up and keeps going and doesn't complain because he doesn't know how else to go about it?

Even after his arc in season 2 and losing Nancy over his instinct to push forward through pain, we never really see him have to grapple with that again, it's not a character trait he loses and it's a big part of who he is even post-New Stevification.

He's the damn tank, he's got no point of reference for what it looks like to deal with his shit in a healthy or productive manner, he just keeps moving.

So Steve gets messed up. He's bleeding, he's got torn muscles, he's definitely in the process of developing an infection or hypothermia or something walking around the UD with no shoes or shirt, open wounds just in the air like that.

And he doesn't make it a priority. He keeps moving. He gets back up. He gets his friends through that gate and listens to the plans being made and drives the getaway car and he has still not received medical attention.

We don't see Steve hurting save a few winces and grimaces here and there, even though all evidence would point towards the reality that he definitely is, because he doesn't want us to, because he's used to getting hurt close enough to the end of the thing that he can always make it out of the fray before he needs to deal with his own injuries.

He's the guy who keeps going.

He goes all the way through their trek back into the UD, manages to shut off the trailer well enough to keep the bats out even without either him or Dustin getting hurt (a close call, a scary one, but they're both breathing at the end of it, both on their feet).

Steve keeps going. He's wearing a lot of layers, but he can feel the blood soaking through them in heavier spurts now that he's aggravated all the torn flesh on his body with the running and fighting and such.

We see him wince a bit more now, bigger. But he hugs Dustin tight while they wait for their friends.

He makes sure the others get back safe, helps them climb over the mountain of bat's corpses leading up to the trailer and gets everyone back through the gate.

Gets himself back through the gate.

Stands amidst the complicated relief that they're all there but they aren't sure what all has happened yet, aren't sure they've won.

But he keeps standing.

Stays on his feet.

"Hey, Stevie, you OD back there?" Robin speaks up, something suddenly urgent to her shaky teasing as she notices Steve isn't following her as closely anymore on their trek away from the open rift in the ground and back towards where they'd hidden the Winnebago.

He sways slightly, but it's when he tries to smile at her that she sees the crimson shine of blood in his mouth.

"Nah, I'm-- right here with you."

And he collapses.

Unceremonious and on the other side of battle, in this moment when they're so close to finding shelter and safety, Steve's strings get cut and he falls to the floor at their feet and it's chaos.

It's Robin hyperventilating over what she finds when she unzips his jacket-- so much blood, why didn't you say-- this is so much blood-- and it's Dustin reminding him of a promise made in an elevator-- you die, I die, asshole!

It's Eddie trying desperately to call upon any of the first aid Wayne taught him and Nancy sitting quiet and still and barely present with two fingers pressed to Steve's neck, just under his jawline, waiting to feel...

Waiting.

She hardly even needs to check though, Nancy Wheeler, who knows better than most what it feels like in your chest when someone you love is--

"He's gone."

She knows he is. She can feel it. The world is different now and Steve Harrington is dead.

The world is different now because Steve Harrington is dead.

And all there's left for any of them to do is keep going.

[aquilamage]

SO....I finished a Hunter run.

After a number of unsuccessful attempts, I finally got further into Shoreline than the entrance shelter. I in fact made a very stupid gamble where I decided to try going all the way to Looks to the Moon's first shelter.

Got to the last stretch of water and of course the sea monster was there. Considered for a second choosing between the pearl and the neuron to grab one of the fast fish to get across. Decided to instead say fuck it and swim across myself and if I died I might leave one in the shelter next time.

But no! I made it all the way across with barely enough food by eating one of the jellyfish and literally getting in the shelter as the rain timer ran out!

Leaving me, shaking and ecstatic, at Cycle 1 to explore the area. Despite the anxiety that the one Shoreline tendril beast sighting had given me, the main room was completely normal.

And then I get to Looks to the Moon's room, and they're just fucking dead.

I'm yelling and crying and cursing the game (because "oh", it says "you don't want to kill Looks to the Moon because the idea distresses you too deeply? Well here's a portion of that you have to experience anyway!"), and I spit out the neuron from my stomach, hoping it might help, and it doesn't do shit!

Extremely upset and figuring that either somehow Cycle 1 is still too late for the game or I'm not meant to go (right) to her, I decide that well I might as well end this off finding out what happens when you run the timer out!

So I save again. I wake up and for a second everything gets red and a little distorted, but then it's normal again. I decide that well I can't get any sadder; I'll check on Looks to the Moon again.

This time, I'm holding the neuron, and the moment I walk onto screen with them, it flies out of my hand and brings them back.

(A Helping Hand: A Final Charitable Act, the steam achievement says ;v;)

While I'm busy crying over that, she tells me that I am not well (as the screen twists and pulses red again), and that I don't have much time left. She thanks me, for something that of course I would do. And then says that, for what consolation it might be, "you will wake right back up again." Which guess means that it's just gonna reboot my whole game and I'm gonna be back at the Hunter start.

(I also get mildly concerned at this point because I pause to process for a second and get the message that quitting without saving will permanently end my game. Which makes me worry that somehow there's gonna be a difference in how things go if I save versus die in this cycle too.)

Then I get my colored pearl out (side note: If I had ended up leaving something behind, I was leaning more towards leaving the neuron and taking the pearl, and I'm going to be eternally grateful that I did not do that).

It starts out with a declaration of triple affirmative!?

And then "In all seriousness, noticed barely any rain from your can, so figured a little support might be in order." Which I interpret to mean that oh, this iterator didn't get that one message about her running out of water but did sense it otherwise, and also that the neuron was from them on purpose to help her.

"Wasn't that easy to see of course, with Pebbles' shall we say healthy output." I don't know what the fuck that means other than maybe referencing that he is/was still up to so much processing stuff that it obscured other normal interactions.

Then they talked about the "unorthodox delivery method" aka me aka my Postal Worker Hunter theory was correct!!!!!!! Very Funny

And then that it's from No Significant Harassment.

Looks to the Moon only reacts to say that "Oh. I see now." and thanking me again.

Then I ran around trying to get enough food to shelter, failed, and died to rain. And the death image this time was all very dark reds, and for the first time in Hunter, one of those karma tier locking flowers sprouted from my body.

The game gave me a little score calculation (because apparently this mode has one) and spat me out to the select screen, where all I could do on this mode was view the score again.

To that very end part of things I will ask the one thing I want an answer about. yes/no: does something different happen if you save in a shelter on cycle zero versus dying like I did?

But for some other thoughts on this.

-aaaaaughghgh the ripping me open with Looks to the Moon and whatever was going on with the programming of that event that it didn't work the first time. So many things came together coincidentally at that last section that really ramped up the tension and made it like, cinematic it's wild.

-I'm currently thinking that if this is on the same timeline as the other two modes that it's before them. That Looks to the Moon actually did die from running out of water (either because even with getting ahold of Five Pebbles it was still too late or like. It wasn't but he still said fuck you and didn't stop). Which is adding yet another layer of emotionality to the "it is...very painful" line about dying from lack of water. She has five neurons when you first see her in the other mode and Hunter giving her one of NSH's makes her fifth here. And if it was after the other two, what was it that killed her? Since she clearly doesn't remember any of this in the other modes and comments on her memory here too, this neuron brought her back but didn't fix that like the later ones help with.

-why does No Significant Harassment's neuron act so differently from Five Pebbles's when you have it out of his area?

-So were they serious about the triple affirmative or not? Because when I was playing I took it at face value that that was true but now I'm thinking the lack of other talk about it and the "in all seriousness" means that's not actually a thing. Otherwise I have many what the fuck type questions including why they didn't give it to me.

-I have an answer about what the countdown is for but now more questions about what is going on with Hunter that they're apparently dying I guess? I still think it would've been cool to completely reset to the start, thematically, but eh.

-I'm super glad I did all of the regular lore pearls before this because I feel like I'd be so much more confused about what's going on here without all that context.

I feel like there's more but my brain is so scrambled from going through all that game stuff and then typing this all out. I'm gonna make myself take a break. And then I'm gonna go in the settings to bump up the number of cycles Hunter gets and start a third file to go to Five Pebbles and see what the fuck is up with him now. At the very least I hope it'll give me some timeline insight.

[heyclickadee]

Re: my last reblog:

If I’m completely honest I’m in a weird place emotionally with the whole Tech thing.

(Rambling under the cut)

On the one hand, I really do think Tech is alive at this point. Not he was alive and they changed their minds, or that they killed him outright and then might change their minds and bring him back later, but that he straight up never died in the first place and that bringing him back after an extended fakeout was always the plan.

How extended the fakeout was planned to be is extremely debatable, but I think that what they did was take him off screen so that Omega’s story could have time to breathe and she could come into her own without Tech taking care of the problem for her. And that the reason we don’t get even the baseline on-screen processing we would normally get with a character death is because he didn’t die in the first place, because while it’s true that most characters who die and come back get that those characters also usually were intended to be dead and then got retconned later due to unrealized potential or popularity; the one main example we have in Star Wars of a character who was ambiguously put off screen with the intent of bringing them back later is Ahsoka, and the processing of her “death” is about as absence as Tech’s. We’re somewhat painfully reminded of Tech’s absence either via a name drop or some kind of visual reference (or CX-2) about once an episode all the way through season three, but never in a way that allows the characters to work through it or finalize anything, and Ahsoka only comes up by name in her capacity as fulcrum or a former Jedi who knew how to do things a couple times before she comes back.

And because of that, because there are other things that seem like the creative team took ideas from Rebels and then pushed them farther (Kallus’s redemption arc stumbled so Tam’s could run so Crosshair’s could fly), and because I never got the impression that they thought of Tech as The Autistic Guy, I suspect that they might have looked at the Ashoka story and decided, hey, let’s do this again, but let’s do it more deliberately and with a lot more set up. Because there is so much set up, right from the first episode, right from the first arc in TCW season seven, potentially. And they could have expected people to react like they did to Ahsoka “dying” at the end of season two of Rebels ; sad, but in a normal way, and with a lot of healthy speculation that people let happen and didn’t go out of their way to shut down. Except the reaction was what it was, and the next year slowly brought out the worst in basically everybody.

Which brings me to the other hand. One the other hand, it still hurt. If it turns out I’m right, I suspect that when all is said and done I won’t have any real problems with the writing and that there’s a lot of potential for a belated Tech return to be so much better than what I originally wanted. But that doesn’t change the fact that I was deeply upset by the finale, or that I actually still get sick to my stomach every time a new reference book comes out because I worry that this time the shoe is going to drop and they’re going to say Tech is dead forever for real. It never does—everything official continues to talk around it in ways they don’t talk about other characters who definitely died—but the emotion is still there.

And the audience management was, of course, atrocious. Atrocious in ways I can sort of logic myself into if it turns out Tech’s alive, and bad in ways I can see certain people missing because everything on certain social media sites is hyperbole all the time, meaning real upset gets lost amongst the yelling, but that almost doesn’t matter. Intent can be one thing, and we can argue about that all day, but the end result is still that people who connected to Tech felt like they were being mocked for investing in a character that was designed to be invested in. That sparked enough animosity built up from being excluded from other things that I almost dropped Star Wars entirely.

So, yeah, I tend to sit in the theorizing about a Tech return space because I really do think Tech’s alive, and I think there’s a lot of potential for a later return to be fantastic. And I don’t spend a lot of time going over what went wrong because I don’t personally find it very helpful. But, emotionally? I’m still upset about it, there are layers to me being upset about it that are directed at the fandom and some directed at Lucasfilm, and I’ll probably be at least a little upset about it until someone puts Tech back. And I’m also emotionally tired and emotionally excited about potential if they do bring Tech back in the next thing and it’s just. A very weird place to be sitting.

[rosiewitchescottage]

The Chosen S4 - Finale

Some theories based on what we've been given.

Spoilers aplenty, so continued below.

Joseph of Arimathea - Yusuf's been a front runner throughout. But I think we can be pretty much certain now.

Even were a new character to be introduced in S5, why else would so much have been invested in Yusuf?

We even have his father as a family friend of Lazarus, sitting Shiva with Martha and Mary when Jesus arrived. He witnessed Lazarus coming out from the tomb.

And he was there to see Little Sister Mary anoint Jesus with priceless oil.

Which provides a segue into

Judas and Shmuel - "I have a bad feeling about this."

I suspect that these two will be working rather closer than is healthy, somewhere between the supporters of Jesus and those plotting his death.

No. I don't think that either wants Jesus dead. But they're so caught up in their own idea of what should be happening.

Judas believes in Jesus' Messianic status. But he completely misunderstands what it means, and is increasingly frantic to see it go the way he thinks it ought to.

Shmuel wants to believe. He's spoken with Jesus, prayed with Jesus and knows that there's something extraordinary about him.

But he's so hung up on the Letter of The Law that he can't see any other way than strict, unerring adherence.

Like Judas and many others, he believes that Messiah will defeat Rome, so that Israel can lead the world to God.

Both so close yet so far.

My theory is that they will plot to get Jesus to The Sanhedrin to force his hand.

Shmuel has heard Caiaphas (?) and Co saying that they will have to get Rome to dispose of Jesus.

So Shmuel and Judas will get Jesus to The Sanhedrin, so he will have to go face to face with and directly oppose Rome.

We know how that's going to go. 😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥

Joanna and Claudia - As Jesus rides towards Jerusalem on his colt, with the all important bridle in place, and The City is preparing to welcome him.

Joanna burns her final bridge, jumping from her husband's carriage to joyously join the crowds.

There's an unspoken understanding between herself and Claudia, that following Jesus will give them both the Faith that has the Jewish people making the arduous journey to Jerusalem to worship and celebrate.

Joanna has taken that first step, after all she was already distanced from her husband.

Claudia is another matter. I wonder if she will disguise herself to go and see Jesus enter the city?

She's already been dreaming of him, but she hasn't seen him in the flesh yet.

The fact that we learned of her dreams back in S3.

That makes me think that she might see that he is the man from her dreams, earlier than when he comes to trial before her husband.

If she sees him as soon as he is entering Jerusalem. Then we'll have the whole of Holy Week in S5 for the poor woman to wrestle with her knowledge.

She's heard Herod and her husband talking about Jesus. She knows that The Sanhedrin have him in their sights.

She has 'A Bad Feeling' about where it's all heading. And I wonder what it'll mean for her relationship with her husband?

The Centurion at The Cross - How they're keeping us guessing about this!

Will be be introduced to us at the start of S5?

With this rapturous procession about to enter The City. Pilate's troops will have to be on high alert for trouble.

And, of course there will be their centurions in charge of them.

I suspect we will be getting to know the soldiers who will be performing the gruesome work of The Passion. There's the flogging, crowning with thorns, driving Jesus along Via Dolorosa to The Crucifixion at Golgotha. 😥😥😥😥😥

(One hopes that they won't be the drunken,maniacally giggling cariacatures that we had in The Passion of The Christ. 🙄🙄🙄)

This said. I can still see possible ways for Atticus and Gaius to be at least involved.

Atticus has completely terrified Pilate by letting his cocky, self assured face drop, to show a man who's seen, with his own two eyes, things that he just can't explain away.

He's seen a Zealot have his sica thrown into the river, but kneel and pledge his service to the man who disarmed him.

A man whose crippled brother now walks and dances on his own two feet.

He's seen a man walking on the storm tossed Sea of Galilee.

And he's seen a man mourned as dead for four days, walk out of his tomb alive and well.

Atticus is frantic to find out what's happening, how, why and what it means for Rome.

Could he be there to hear Jesus speak words of forgiveness for the soldiers crucifying him, tell a guilty, repentant criminal that they will be together in Paradise, make sure his Eema will be protected, in the midst of his own agony?

Will this convince him that at least The Kingdom Jesus speaks of is not one Of This World?

Gaius is now being treated as a friend in Capernaum. All our Galilean Chums heading towards Jerusalem are asking if he and his family will be coming along too, seeing as most of Capernaum will be out of town.

Having his duties as Praetor, Gaius politely declines, but asks for his thanks to be passed onto Jesus and 'Shalom, Shalom' to Simon Peter and Matthew.

But what if he and his wife have a change of mind? Things are quiet and peaceful in town, Gaius can leave orders for what needs doing.

This is their perfect change to see this all so important city and The Temple.

Little do they know what they'd be present to witness.

[theshadowrealmitself]

Oh right trek! I had forgotten what made me follow you lmao

Anyways, what’s ur opinion on the idea in some areas of trek canon that having Vulcan levels of logic is a) attainable by humanity and b) not guaranteed to blow up impressively for the human

Cause I love Vulcan logic but like. For humans that would be mental illness

Followup, what differences in emotional processing do you think Vulcans have that lets them attain such logic?

Followup, do you think it would ever be possible for a Vulcan to safely dabble in emotion? Like v’tosh k’tur but like. Mentally stable. Personally, I think it would be possible but the kinds of Vulcans drawn to illogic would probably be drawn due to traits that would make it inherently near impossible for them to ever safely feel emotions. Like the kinds of Vulcans that could safely feel emotions are also the kinds of Vulcans who never would choose to. Because the logic that lets them theoretically be able to pull it off also keeps them from wanting to Emotion

Anyways I’m off to bed, have this hybrid question/infodump to chew on

Personally, I think that logical ≠ emotionless, so while I don’t think Humans could ever get to that level of seemingly emotionless that Vulcans can, because anything beyond that calm that like monk could get to (which I still have my suspicions on if even that’s healthy), would be impossible for Humans, the closest they could do is repression and that’s not only extremely unhealthy for a Human, but it also doesn’t work out long term for them either, those emotions will eventually pop out

I do think that Humans can become as logical, cause, to me at least, logic is mainly just critical thinking, for sure Humans can accomplish that, although I guess there’d be many times where a Human’s emotion may cause them to act in a way that they know is illogical, I’m pretty sure Vulcans could also end up doing that if the situation is really high stakes for them, they’d just be less likely to do so

I don’t think Humanity as a whole can eventually get up to that point of being that quick with statistics and stuff, some Humans yeah, but we definitely could never be known for it like the Vulcans are

I’m not too good with science, but I think for the emotional processing thing, I think there’s 2 reasons why Vulcans can pull it off

Reason 1) Their bonds, these bonds can help Vulcans with a ton of things that Humans have no help with, like being actually understood by family and having that mental and emotional security no matter what, there’s a lot I think their telepathy helps with but I don’t know how to speak about it coherently

Reason 2) I think it could be explained as an evolutionary trait, now my knowledge of Surak’s time is terrible, but my way of thinking about it is that with their emotions being high and Vulcans being on the verge of destroying themselves, there must have been a lot of deaths and when they started meditating and trying to regulate their emotions, their bodies might’ve seen it as a trait that aides in survival

I think that might have also led to them evolving other things (which I mentioned on some other posts), like there must be something different about their spines or something that lets them meditate every day without health consequences

(Or maybe it’s just because their brains work so quickly that they can actually work through emotions very quickly and let go)

((Or, it’s actually only the older Vulcans who managed to actually become peaceful logical beings because of Vulcans’ long life spans, and all the younger Vulcans stay on the planet to avoid other species until they actually master their emotions and that’s why Vulcans don’t have many colonies elsewhere))

Finally, for if Vulcans could ever safely feel emotion, I really genuinely think so, because I think Vulcans don’t actually repress their emotions, I think they mastered their facial expressions, I think they mastered their body language, and I think they mastered following logic when they really really want to do something else

But I don’t think they ever actually managed being emotionless (unless you count kolihnar)

I really think that their meditating is what Human meditating is like, working through all your inner struggles and learning to let go of negative emotions so that they have an easier time moving on from situations and continuing to be logical

I think there’d be some worry that if they let loose some control then it might lead to losing more and more control of themselves, but who knows, maybe if they actually physically show emotion, it might be healthier for them overall

I do always wonder what kind of effect that being dedicated to logic actually has on them, to me, the teachings of Surak seem an awful lot like a religion becoming popular when they really needed it, it saved them from destroying themselves, but it was such a 180 from how the species had always lived their lives, is it actually healthy for them to follow it so strictly?

We’ll never really know! Maybe it’s a human-centric thought to think that it’s hurting them, and they’re actually doing fine, or maybe it really was too drastic of a change, and Vulcans actually need a middle ground between no logic and only logic, it’s fun to think about

[knockknoxwho]

Hi this is my first post and time using tumblr in general so forgive any mistakes and/or inexperience that bleeds through my words. I intend to describe what this project is and make in depth posts for different concepts in the world

S.M.A.S.H, an idea that has been with me for a little bit. An apocalypse that takes place in modern day Texas, specifically in a town in the Austin-San Antonio corridor. I plan to incorporate many different species of the area, and chart their development, general transformation percentage, symbiotic relationships that form between mutated species, defense mechanisms, hunting practices, and whatever else I can think of when delving into each species. This apocalyptic world and all of its species and changes is something I plan to port into a ttrpg GURPS campaign. I hope you all enjoy this journey as much as me!

The Fungus:

The beginning and cause of the apocalypse as a whole. Created by a large company’s pharmaceutical department led by a Dr. Simon Adler(working name), with the idea and task of emulating a healing factor similar to the axolotl’s abilities. To achieve this goal the team began experimenting with implanting different forms of parasitic organisms with the intent of creating an organism with the ability to sustain a state of symbiosis in which it took nutrients from the human host and created new human tissue in return. they decided a fungus would be best for this, but I’m not sure if any type or species that fit the traits exist in the real world. The scientists then experimented on rats and other animals to see if this gmo fungus was able to connect and acted in the ways they intended, unfortunately it just didn’t take. As a last ditch effort they hypothesized that in order to make it able to infect many types of species they’d have to make the genome of the fungus itself unstable and rapidly adaptable to organic material it encounters. To do this Dr. Adler blasted a sample with radiation, while this killed most of it, the remainder proliferated very quickly and latched onto every animal in the lab (they were specifically more susceptible to fungal infection in order to ensure that the experimental fungus could take) and collapsed all at once.

I feel like now is a good time to specify how the fungus works and what actually makes this an apocalypse instead of just a very fast bio weapon.

The fungus first spreads by spores that are shot in clouds into the air, the spores then breathed in and deposited deep in the lungs of animals.

These spores then infect the area, and slowly move toward the brain, replacing healthy tissue with its own as it goes (the fungal tissue can show up as many different things, from spring and spongey to calcified and hard like coral).

Once it reaches the brain it cuts off all motor control, this causes the animal to collapse, seemingly due to death.

The fungus then rapidly consumes energy from the host and incorporates itself into healthy tissue throughout the body

This process takes only minutes to finish to completion. Due to the speed of such a change heaps of heat is created. many animals end up spontaneously combusting, spreading the fungus into the air even more. The few who can bear it, become mutated by the fungus into different creatures with new abilities and physiology. (Different animals have different rates at which the fungus can incorporate itself, meaning some animals are much more likely to combust than others, ex: ravens are very unlikely to survive, while deer have such a high survival rate that whole herds of them still roam after the apocalypse).

The animals in the lab then rapidly became much larger and starving due to the quick growth, this presented as a feeding frenzy. The entire team of scientists were killed in the lab due to either smoke inhalation or mauling from the animals. Due to the lack of perceived danger of the study initially, safeguards such as lockdowns or automatic vent closing and backup systems were absent from the facility. This caused the spores from the laboratory to gradually waft up and out into the city above. This vent specifically had become a widely used resting place of grackles, which will be the first mutated animal that I’ll dive deeply into in the next post.

If anyone has any suggestions on the story and/or the science behind it I would appreciate each and every one of them (same with tips on how to blog and that sort) thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed and have a nice day!

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Bad Batch Season 2 Finale Reaction Part 2

I don't even know how to start this. Yes, other things happened in the finale episodes but I am not ok and I am still reeling from Tech's death. I haven't been that deeply affected by something in a while. The absolute horror and desperate pleading and crying at my laptop screen at 1am in the morning. It didn't properly hit me until after the episode finished but the genuine, visceral, painful ugly sobbing and crying that happened once the proverbial dam broke was something that hasn't happened in a while.

And it wasn't just that either. I felt physically sick and in pain. Still do. I've been wandering around in a sort of hollow, numb daze ever since, not really sure what to do with myself. Functioning but not really here. It's grief. I'm feeling actual, real, genuine grief. I feel like I've lost someone special that I cared for so much. I've kind of always known that I don't handle grief well and I'm getting better at identifying and dealing with it. This is one of those times where now that I've had a little bit more time I've realised that yes, it's grief.

I'm just – I cannot put into words how devastating that was. And the scene itself was even more completely heartbreaking. As soon as he said he could turn on the power but would have to do it at one of the poles I knew something was up. Instinctively, I just knew but I was desperately hoping and holding onto the idea that they'd have some ridiculous plan where they all got out of it safely.

But no.

Even now as I'm typing this out I'm so viscerally upset and trying not to sob and cry. Throughout that whole scene as things kept going wrong and the situation got worse and worse it all built up to the growing realisation that yup, this was it for Tech. There was a long shot of the rail cars from side on that showed the left rail car bending down and barely hanging on and then there was Tech dangling off the end even further below. I think it was that shot where it hit me that he's not getting out of this.

And then sacrificing himself to save the rest of the Batch.

"When have we ever followed orders".

...

I'm crying again.

I remember watching him in that moment and just desperately pleading and begging and no, you can't do this, no, not like this, not now, there's a way out of this, they can still save him, please, come on you can do this.

And then he makes this perfect shot that goes straight through the last bit of metal that was just barely holding the rail car up, because of course he does.

And then he just fell.

I've got so much more that I want to write about The Bad Batch finale but I didn't think I'd be affected by it this much. Affected doesn't feel like the right word but I can't think of a better one right now. It's all consuming. I'm not sure that I've even processed it yet. How I'm supposed to get through work tomorrow I've no idea. I really should have written more of this initial emotional reaction and thoughts at the time as I've had a while to sit with my emotions by now. There is so, so, so much more that I want to write about it all but at least I've started with this.

Do I actually think Tech is dead? No. Stay tuned for many deluded and in denial theories. Does that lessen the devastation and heart break of what happened and the emotions we're all going through? Also no.

This is going to be with me for sometime and I don't know if I'm ever truly going to be able to get over it or move on but I also don't think that's healthy or realistic. You learn to live with it and are changed by it. It's never going to go back to the way things were or how it used to be. But slowly, you're able to keep going in the new way of things.

But for now, I'm going to sit with it, feel this, and remember it all. And probably cry again.

[eskat]

It's morbid, but... yeah, American healthcare is bad enough that someone can be murdered in the streets, and the populace cheers, not because they know who it was that was killed and personally had a grudge, but because of how fundamentally they represent the rot that kills thousands per year. Some numbers I can find say ~26,000, some say ~68,000, Others still ~45,000. Regardless, let's just say it's tens of thousands as a safe bet.

Many years ago, one of those people was my father in law, or at the time, someone I would've called one of my best friends. He was a lot older than me for sure, but he was truly a good friend to me. Years ago, he died of a heart attack. He had had one before, and it had financially ruined him. For over a decade later he was hounded by debt collectors, had his bank accounts seized, and was effectively squeezed for every penny they could get out of him.

And then when it started to happen again, and he felt the second heart attack begin, he accepted death rather than go through that again. He picked up the phone, called his best friend, told him what was happening, ignored his friend's begging to get help, and died.

And in that year, he was just one of literal tens of thousands of others who died, because trying to keep him and others like him healthy and alive was deemed to be less important than making a profit for share holders.

I don't necessarily like the idea of us "addressing" this by random acts of violence. Systemic rot isn't something I feel we'll fix by killing a few people at the top of the pile. But I just wanted to give some people who are outside the US a window into how bad it is over here when it comes to healthcare. A lot of people outside the US who I've seen seem shocked and horrified that someone was shot in the streets and the American response has been just to jeer and laugh at the corpse. No sympathy for the family, no fear, no concern, no thought for how due process should be considered. And yeah, I kinda get it! It's pretty unhinged to have an entire nation of people cheering over a brutal killing in the streets. But it's because basically everyone knows someone, or at bare minimum, knows someone who knows someone who either flat out died, is basically a debt-slave to the medical system, or just doesn't treat a treatable medical condition due to its cost, sometimes conditions that are manageable without treatment, and sometimes conditions that will kill or cripple them eventually, just... not yet, so they just choose to live with the idea that death is coming for them soon, but hoping that maybe they'll get lucky to have it take longer than expected.

I personally don't think this killing was really justice. But Brian Thompson's job, no matter how ethically he tried to do it, was built on the idea of finding new and innovative ways to let people suffer and die in service of balancing the budget and maintaining an ever growing profit margin. Maybe he did it with a wicked smile and malice in his heart, maybe he did with blind ignorance to the suffering he generated, maybe he felt bad about it, and tried to minimize the harm that his role caused. But in any case, he was responsible for the death, harm, and torment of many. His death wasn't real justice, but no one here has even hoped that people like him would face justice for the harm they caused. It was however, revenge, and since we hadn't hoped for anything, a lot of people are willing to take our morbid consolation prize, and I can't even blame them.

For profit healthcare is mass murder.

[jakeysfics]

Politics?? In My Chainsaw Man?

I can’t sleep, so we’re doing a sleep-deprived political reading of chainsaw man part 1, Spoilers inbound.

Alright, the simplest reading of chainsaw mans political messaging is about the meaning of labour and worker abuse.

It's about how Japanese society directly breaks people in the way they are treated and expected to work. The phrasing of "contracts" being made with powerful devils seems pretty deliberate. Especially in the way that the literal bosses of every organization are either literal devils (Makima) Or will do things just as bad. The theme of, "You have to be crazy to work here" is one phrase that's shown and expanded upon with each of the characters. The problem is that “here” means everywhere. You have to be crazy to work, period.

Denji

Denji enters the story missing parts of his body and living in poverty. Eating cigarettes because it’ll get him cash. Unable to ask for a happy life because he’s barely even living one. In a conventional story, Denji would rise to higher ranks to make more money or suddenly come into massive wealth, but that isn’t what happens.

Pochita is seen as an asset, something to use for just his value and nothing more until he meets Denji. 

Something special about Denji nobody really talks about is that he never dreams of labour, he only ever dreams about living a normal life, never the means to which he’ll get it.

He simply does what he can to survive. When Pochita brings Denji back to life he doesn’t tell him to get to work or to put his powers to use. A key difference between the contract Denji and Pochita make is that it’s not an exchange. Nothing is lost the same way other devil hunters make contracts. He leaves all of it up to Denji and simply asks to see his dreams. He only ever wants Denji to keep on dreaming.

So he does.

Until Makima comes in, at least. See, there's also the very subtle subtext about how Makima literally controls the uneducated worker with promises that can never really go anywhere. 

Taking control of his desire and motivations to make him a better worker or, as she phrases it, “dog” (Check out my writeup about Denji and Boobs for a little more about that.)

The System

Most characters who play directly into the system or accept it end up dying pretty horrible deaths that can be blamed on someone above their level. Makima is untouchable because she can move any damage to her onto the average citizen. It’s a method of avoiding responsibility. Governments try and create a tax on shitty practices? The company still does it and just raises prices on people to compensate. Wanna raise the minimum wage? Hope you enjoy an unnecessary price increase on your coffee because some dickhead can always offshore the cost to the average person.

Aki and Power both end up playing into the system and suffer for it. Makima gives the trio a healthy situation and living space and promotes the idea of a family that the system can ultimately take away at any time if you aren't working the way she wants. It almost seems to mimic how the current Japanese obsession with work is almost entirely responsible for the low birth rates because these big companies and governments are the only ones who can give you the chance to start a proper family. They’ll never give that because the culture is so backbent in their favour in the obsession with work.

Also, Denji sings about unions once, which quite literally is the process of workers coming together to use their power to benefit and control their future. 

But what’s the point? What’s the point of Makima’s fascism? The point of Leftist Denji and everything. 

Well, the answer is in cinema.

Makima mentions that in her perfect world, there are no bad movies. Denji rejects this. Denji knows that the world isn’t that cut and dry and that people will find love and value in different ways. Makima is an agent of modernity. The ideology of “everything has a purpose.” In Makima’s perfect world, there are no weak people, there is no suffering, and there are no weak humans, there is no Denji. There are no bad movies. 

Makima is every producer, she’s every studio note and screen test. She’s not on the side of art or humanity, she’s on the side of whatever the system deems correct.

Denji doesn’t give a shit. He isn’t the post-modern hero that needs to understand and question the system. He’s honestly maybe even past that point. I’m 100% certain he doesn’t have an answer to fixing the world, but he knows Makima isn’t it. So Denji breaks free and does what he wants to. He decides to go to school to learn. (Realistically, he is not paying attention in classes, but you learn more than just the curriculum at school)  He decides that his life is gonna have all kinds of movies, and nobody’s gonna decide how he makes his. 

Denji is a high schooler shooting films on his phone, and he’s better for it. 

[linkspooky]

Megumi and Toji

Megumi knows almost nothing about his father, his early memories are of being abandoned. His only family is Tsumiki as far as he’s concerned. It’s clear he doesn’t regard himself as a Zenin, or Toji’s son. He doesn’t even recognize Toji when they meet again briefly. However, though Megumi’s not even aware of it there’s a lot of story parallels between father and son. Toji serves as a cautionary tale of what Megumi could become if he does not grow up and learn to handle his emotions properly. MORE UNDER THE CUT. 

1. Inherited Trauma 

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this yet, but the Zenin family definitely has issues. They exclude anything which does not fit their arbitrary standards as an outsider. We don’t really know Toji’s backstory. We don’t have to know either, it obviously doesn’t excuse his actions. However, we see the after-effects of him being thrown out and scapegoated by his own family by the time we see him in the hidden inventory arc. Not only that, but from the clan’s treatment of Maki, we can theorize a little ibt of what Toji has been through. 

Maki and Toji were both born without cursed energy and labeled as defective and wrong because of it. It’s clear both of them developed bad, hostile, even downright violent personalities in order to cope with a home environment that was constantly hostile to them. 

In Maki’s case, it’s not that Maki is a hateful person it’s that she’s conditioned not to accept any kind of love because she was never shown the unconditional love of a family she was owed. When Yuta tries to accept her, Maki rejects him because she doesn’t know what that feeling of acceptance and security is like if it’s unearned. She ties it to strength, she has to be stronger than the Zenin clan, she has to prove she’s better than them and that they were wrong about her in order to earn it. 

Maki is so busy trying to reject everything that the Zenin clan stands for, that she can’t really accept other people’s feelings at all positive or negative. She’s too busy thinking about herself, protecting about herself, trying not to hate herself that even the feelings of Mai who loves her, but in a more complicated way is something she can’t accept. She doesn’t want to think about mai’s feelings because she’s too busy with her own, Mai is an afterthought to her. 

Maki has a complicated way of dealing with the abuse of the Zenin family, and I assume Toji did too. The only difference is that Toji is an adult, whereas Maki is still an adolescent. Toji was set in his ways, Maki is still in the middle of changing. 

Toji is labeled as “the one who is left behind, the one who is free”, it’s very likely especially considering the way he treats Megumi and distances himself from anyone related to him, that Toji’s way of dealing with the Zenin family was to simply reject all of it. He couldn’t accept the hatred of his family, but at the same time he also couldn’t accept any kind of positive emotions too, like love between a father and son. It’s likely Toji can’t even accept the idea of having a family, or the unconditional love of a family because he’s never had it - not that any of that is Megumi’s fault.

 Toji grew up completely isolated from his own family until he was eventually thrown out, and he probably had no idea how to raise a family, but he turned around and inflicted those same circumstances on Megumi. Toji grows up alone, Toji makes Megumi grow up alone because he fails to provide for him as a father. 

Toji deliberately made a choice to throw out Megumi along with the rest of his family trauma, that’s his self reflection upon the moment of death. He wanted to throw away everything and live for hismelf, but he threw away Megumi too. 

However, from Meugmi’s perspective his father gave him the name ‘Megumi’ and left. Apparently Toji was around so little that Megumi doesn’t even recognize his face whent hey meet again as a teenager. He married Tusmiki’s mom, got a divorce, and presumably left Megumi there. 

Megumi grew up with no idea of what a family was, except for his step sister, and also completely isolated from others. He grew up with the same sense of isolation and distance from his family that Toji did, lacking totally in the unconditional love a child needs from his parents in order to grow up, because Toji was never even around for Megumi. Megumi just by default assumes that his father either didn’t love him, or just plain forgot about him. 

2. Like Father, Like Son.

However, despite the fact Toji wasn’t even around to raise his son, Megumi turned out a lot like Toji. There’s a lot of parallels between father and son, probably because as stated above Megumi grew up in isolated circumstances, completely cut off, never truly receiving the parental love or guidance that he needed to help him mature into a emotionally healthy adolescent able to process his feelings and handle them properly. 

Both Megumi and Toji respond to their emotional trauma in the same way, by suppressing themselves and all their feelings, and rejecting the feelings of everyone around him. Megumi isn’t even able to hear the news that his dad died, because he insists that already in first grade, he doesn’t care about his dad or even want him around. 

This is you know, a lie of course. Megumi’s a first grader. All children want a parent. It’s just, Megumi’s way of dealing with his feelings is to just pretend that they’re not there, to pretend he doesn’t care. A first grader is not really mature enough to think of his family situation in these terms, or cope with these feelings. Megumi is simply pretending to be mature as a way of pretending to deal with his hurt feelings. 

We as the audience know that Megumi is a deeply caring, and deeply feeling person. However, Megumi himself seesm to be in denial of this fact. 

Megumi’s response to all of thes icky gross feelings he has for people, soft feelings that makes him feel vulnerable because while Megumi cares deeply, circumstances have taught him that people do not care about him, or at least Toji didn’t care enough in Megumi’s eyes to stick around. Megumi’s response is the same as Toji’s, he shuts everyone out, he insists he doesn’t care about anyone. 

He can’t accept anyone’s feelings because he’s too busy rejecting everyone. He can’t even accept the positive feelings of familial love his sister has for him, he almost begrudges her for it. Tsumiki chose to see him as family, different from Toji who he feels didn’t choose him and Megumi just couldn’t realize that until it was too late. He’s so used to being abandoned and unchosen that he doesn’t know what familial love even looks like in Tsumiki. 

This is also something that Toji does to Megumi. It’s said in a bonus in volume 8 or volume 9 that after the death of Megumi’s mother, Toji insisted that he “stopped caring about everything.” We see this repeat when he’s about to sell Megumi to the Zenin clan. 

Toji insists he doesn’t care, while Megumi tries to creep back into his thoughts, and he keeps trying to help him in indirect ways. Toji wishing for a better future for his son than he had, while at the same time, selling him off for the money he plans to gamble away at the race track. Toji forgetting his son’s name, and then remembering it on the brink of death and asking his enemy to do something about it. These are all compeltely contradictory behaviors because Toji has no healthy, adult way of processing his emotions. 

He’s just used to pretending he doesn’t care about things, that even when he obviously does care it’s what he keeps falling back on. It’s the same as Megumi’s complex with saving people, he insists he hates people, that he doesn’t want to save them, and then he goes far out of his way to save people like Yuji. 

3. Growing Out of Your Father’s Shadow

They process emotions the same way, both insisting that they don’t care about anything around them, the only real difference is their priorities. Toji is a self centered person who prioritizes himself above all others. Megumi’s a self sacrificing person, he’s continually belittling himself for the sake of other people. Megumi belittles himself to the point where he insits he could never be strong enough to challenge Gojo. Being the strongest individual is just never his priority. 

Toji however is someone who climbed to the top of the Jujutsu World to try to prove he could become a better fighter than them without any cursed energy. Megumi is someone who ran away from the challenge of becoming stronger than Gojo, but Toji wanted to prove himself stronger than Gojo so badly he stayed and fought a fight he knew he couldn’t win. 

However, even though their priorities are total opposites, Toji prioritizing himself, and Megumi prioritizing other people above himself they both end up in the same place. They’re both incredibly self destructive people. Toji stayed and fought with Gojo, knowing that he would die. When Megumi is pushed to his limit in Shibuya, rather than try to run away he also sacrifices himself in order to summon Mahoraga in a suicidal move against his opponent. They are even paralleled in the way they’re drawn. 

I think the takeaway from all these connections set up between Toji and Megumi is that even though Megumi doesn’t know his father well he’s a lot like him. They both handle their emotions in the same way, insisting that they don’t care when they in fact care deeply. They both repress all of their emotions until they go crazy from it. 

Toji literally springs from Megumi’s shadow. The shadow is the symbol of repressed emotions. Emotions that people are conscious of, the ones they acknowledge are usually represented by light, deeper emotions, the ones they repress and refuse to acknowledge are then referred to as the shadow. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. The more Megumi pretends not to care about his father or his family situation, the deeper the shadow underneath his feet grows. 

Being underneath your father’s shadow is even a common phrase used to describe people who are unable to escape from their parents, and become their own person. There is a connection between Megumi and his father between Megumi and the Zenin, even if Megumi likes to pretend it’s not there, like when he denies any similarity between himself and Kamo Noritoshi.

 A lot of Megumi’s life is dictated by his family circumstances too, he’s just in denial about it. Kamo’s aware to sympathize with people because he’s far more aware fo himself and his family circumstances, Megumi denies sympathizing with other people, because he doesn’t have any sympathy for himself either. 

Zombie Megumi is colored in pure shadow. He’s even referred to as a manifestation of the repressed feelings of the Zenin clan. Those who are restrained by their connection to the Zenin clan, all look in awe at the one who broke free from the Zenin, and free from everything. 

Megumi exhibits the act same behavir as Toji. He suppresses himself, suppresses himself, and suprresses himself and then he just goes crazy. Megumi claims he’s not the strongest, he doesn’t care about being strong, but then he pulls moves like summoning the Mahoraga and Domain Expansion. Megumi just holds himself in until he violently lashes out on everything around him too, he’s hurt feelings waiting to explode. 

Which is why Megumi learning more about his father and the connection between them could be a good thing, not because Megumi necessarily owes Toji anything, but that he could learn from Toji’s mistakes. When Megumi sees his own unhealthy behavior exhibited in another, he can learn to accept the things that Toji could not accept. He could learn to accept connections like family, and friednship, before they become chains that hold him down too hard, until he breaks everything and himself trying to be free. Megumi dosen’t have to become the strongest like Gojo, he doesn’t have to surpass or fight against the Zenin clan. He doesn’t have to save everyone in the whole world like Yuji. The best thing for Megumi’s character development would be for him to learn to accept his own feelings and the feelings of others without going crazy. That’s a strength that neither Toji, nor Gojo could never find in themselves. 

[welkinsky]

Congrats to 100 follower ✨💖 you really deserve it. You constantly put quality content out there 🥺

As for your celebration, what about the alphabet for Kakashi? 🥰

Kakashi X Reader | A-Z Headcanon

Masterlist

A-Z Headcanon

Warning: 18+ Content

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Once you two are done and tired, he's gonna take a moment and then turn over to you to smile and adore how flushed you look. He usually kisses your forehead and then pulls you into his chest. Once you two are all calmed down. "You want to hop in the shower baby?" Still running his one hand through your hair. If you say you want to rest a bit more, he gets up to get you water and towels, or if you say yes then expect a "Round 2?" joke on your way, which wasn't actually a joke.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of their partner’s)

Your thighs! Doesn't matter if you have thick thighs or not he likes to grab them while you're on top or you two are just chilling and he is running his hand through them and they slip certain places "by accident"

In a non-sexual way, it is your hair, for sure. He likes to bury his face in them because the scent of the fresh shampoo is relaxing to him. If you change your shampoo he'll notice it right away, expect a new bottle of the same shampoo on the shelf next to your new one the next day.

C = Cuddling

Cuddling with this man is a dream! He likes to be all over you with one leg over yours and your face buried in his chest. Even if you are being the small spoon, his one leg will be over you and your head resting on one of his arm and his other arm over your shoulder pulling you closer to his chest.

Whenever you two are on a nap date, his hand is always resting on you. He becomes restless when he can't find you but calms down after finding you on the other side of the bed. Then just keeps his palm on you rather than pulling you in and waking you up.

D = Dirty Secret

This one time, you two had an idea of taking some nudes together just for fun to see whose turns out to be the better one. You both set a rule to get rid of them after the winner was announced, which never happened since you two were so turned on in the process that you two ended up doing it. You forgot it but he still has your photo with him. Shut up, it helps him on long missions.

E = Experience 

He was not a virgin, but he wasn't much experienced either. If you want to know more about this scenario find it here.

In starting he kept things vanilla, he didn't want to freak you out. But you wanted more but that was the case with you too so this one time you stole his Itcha Itcha to read what type of stuff he was into. AND YOU ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. You had to read it as fast as you can because he'd notice that it was missing.

And when you suggested something, it was a shock to him because he knows exactly how to do it but to ACTUALLY experience it and that too with YOU? The guy was in actual heaven that day.

F = Favourite Position 

It depends, he is a tease so he likes when you do all the work but just wait till he has your image of having one leg over his shoulder while he's pounding into you and you're all flustered, aaaaand the guy is pinning you down and going at it.

Or if he is IN THE MOOD he's gonna start with you on all fours and will end up having you burring your face in the pillow.

G = Goofy

Hehe he is the best type of goofy. He says the jokes with a straight face while everyone is on the floor dying. He only lets out a small laugh when you are laughing your "so-called ugly laugh" in front of others too.

But sometimes he starts laughing even before cracking the joke because it was that funny, "Oh boy, naah it's nothing" he says wiping a tear, off his one eye. You all will beg him but according to him "the moment is gone" lol he IS a tease.

H = Hair 

His hair is sooooo fluffy! And after how little he looks after them? It is almost a joke on you. You take care of your hair a lot but this guy probably washes it with body wash and still has such good quality. He always says that it is a good diet to trick you into healthy eating too. This guy never misses a chance to do that.

I = Intimacy 

Your emotional intimacy is something that is beyond this world. You both never knew that you were capable of feeling emotions so strongly.  You're hurt? He feels this burning feeling in his heart that he can't get rid of. He is having a nightmare? It breaks your heart that you cannot do anything about what he had to go through.

Not for once have you two felt any sort of negative emotions to one another but just love and CARE! You love your people but for the first time, you've felt that "care" not from the words but actions. 

For the first time, you two have felt that you don't have to do everything on your own, you can divide it and let your guard down for a moment because you know that other one will be there if something goes wrong.

J = Jack Off 

He does it normally when he is out on a mission or away from you for a while. One thought of you can turn him on in that case.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Ohohoho where should I even start? He LOVES to handcuff you because that just gives him more power over what he wants you to feel. Which is why he likes blindfold too.

As your relationship grows he likes the risk factor too so he likes to do it in a tricky place. But while making sure that your reputation doesn't get compromised at any cost.

L = Location (Favourite places to do they do)

Umm isn't it obvious? Anywhere? Literally. But he loves to bend you over the kitchen counter and take you then and there as he enters the house and finds you cooking or just having a drink or something.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

He will do anything you ask for while doing it to make sure that he will be able to see that face of yours when you have just let go and you're too flustered to even care. It shows him that you are enjoying it.

Or if it is just you pleasing him and you look up to him with "puppy eyes" heh don't blame him for what is about to happen to you.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

You risking your reputation for the "risk factor". See, everyone sees you highly in the village and he loves the respect that they give you. He WILL NEVER ruin it just because he is feeling it right now and won't let you do the same too.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

It may not seem like it but he LOVES to give it to you. Actually, if this time it is more of a sensual one then he always starts with eating you only. It is his way of showing that you're his priority.

He has long fingers so umm ya. You're overstimulated most of the time. As much as he loves seeing this, he holds your hand with one while the other one is pumping in and out of you as he plays with your clit with his tongue.

He loves to hold one hand with you even while he is eating you out. Wow.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He starts with "slow as death" ones and then once you're begging to him theeen he goes fast and deep. You ARE lucky to have him honestly :')

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

You don't even have to say anything? You are looking good before you two go out? You'll be doing it before leaving the house.

It's not his fault! You look too good, it's your fault.

And sometimes these quickies turn into something more and you two end up staying home.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Risk who? That's all I'm gonna say.

S = Stamina 

He can go for a lot of rounds. But if he is just back from the mission or has been busy all day and now he is tired. Please don't push him. Not because he is a "poor guy" or something, nooooo, this idiot will get horny and do it anyway. But regret in the morning because he didn't take enough rest.

T = Toy

He bought it only when you two started experimenting so you both have handcuffs (used for you only he doesn't like to be a sub that often), a blindfold, and a vibrator for sure. This fucker likes to edge you a lot.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Heh isn't it clear already? This guy is the definition of being unfair. As you start to get a little annoyed and turn to him and catch him smirking, all that "annoyance" turns into "lust" lol you simp! But can we really blame you?

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

If you are doing it somewhere out? He'll keep shut and even cover your mouth to avoid getting caught. But if he is at home, he will grunt a lot but will let out a loud moan once he reaches his high

W = Wild Card (Just a random headcanon because I cannot think of anything starting with W)

He cooks for you in the morning. That is the only time he can make sure that you have a good healthy meal since he is not there for lunch and you make the dinner.

If he is cooking in the morning then expect your lunch prepared for you too.  *and meal prep for dinner* bro he wants to make sure that you are taking care of yourself because you work too hard okay? Shut up and have your fruits and drink some water as you read this...... Go now, sip some water.

X = X-Ray

He has a lean physique but specifically, his arms are muscular and they are getting buffer after you mention that you like buffed arms. Hehe being slick, okayyyy.

Also, he has long slim fingers, umm good for you.

But you like to draw in his hands too sometimes. Just some little things. He smiles at them as he looks at them later.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He kind of has a strong sex drive. Most of the time if it is because of the fact that he is too excited to try new things on you.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He doesn't sleep until he knows that you are sound asleep. He likes to take in the scent of your hair and just run his fingers through your hair to calm you down a bit. Do it back too, please. He loves it a lot! If you stop and start doing something else, he'll bring back your hand to his hair and make you do it for as long as you don't fall asleep. In any case, he is sleeping once you're asleep.

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Shikamaru is my favorite character but ya’ll are making me change my lane with how many posts I’ve written for Kakashi XD

Thanks For Reading and for the ask!

If you liked it you can check out the masterlist too!