#i still feel really awkward venting on tumblr

[denauth]

.♡.

[thedogeveryonehates]

I just had my first ever adult-y 'im sorry but we can't be friends anymore' conversation and it really sucked and it really hurt and I'm writing it down here bcus i feel awful🫠

Long story

So we met on the dating apps years ago and we've kept in contact ever since cause he's genuinely a sweet & cool guy. Also, he was hard of hearing and would teach me cool indo sign language stuff

He lives in another city and only visits occasionally for work reasons but whenever he stopped by we would hang out

Back then it would be hanging out and hooking up but ever since i met my bf he wanted to make it clear that the latter was off the table since he wasnt comfortable with it

The next time we met I had to explain to him that I was no longer in the market for a partner, but I really valued his friendship - trying my best to show that I didn't wanna lead him on if that was the case

Even though he said he understood, it really didn't seem that way over the next few months

We would be having normal conversations and catching up on whatsapp and he'd randomly say "so you don't have feelings for me?" or "what did i do wrong?" - and it really made it awkward like we were literally discussing our spotify albums 2 minutes ago what happened

The worst part is, he would ask these questions very genuinely and sometimes follow up on these questions. So then I would match the tone as best i can - only to get the response "haha yeah i was joking i already know haha". Whenever it happened i would laugh it off and look stupid

But the final straw happened a few hours ago. He was feeling flirty but i was tired so i said to try and find a casual hookup on the dating app. He's genuinely really handsome and he's always been popular on the apps so i said it shouldn't be hard for him and that he'd find someone within the hour

He then straight up LIES to me and says that he deleted the apps a few weeks ago, following that up by writing "you are more than enough"

Afraid that he thought i was leading him on or sending him signals, i tried to shoot that down as fast as possible. Basically going through the motions of rejecting someones advances as respectfully as i possibly could to a good friend i cared about

After a few grueling minutes of silence, he hits me with the "damn i wasnt being serious" and sends me a screenshot of the app still on his phone (full of unread notifications - remember: popular)

Fast forward an hour later and ive blocked him everywhere except instagram dms, where i told him that i needed some space

Yes he apologized profusely and yes i accepted his apology but i just got so stressed and humiliated that I couldn't take it anymore

I still feel awful

This is usually something i would vent to my boyfriend but he's asleep rn so ill just let my [tumblr] mutuals know and probably delete it when i wake up

Writing kinda makes me feel better it turns out

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

[olderthannetfic]

I'm sorry I need to vent but I don't get having mutuals. I thought it's how people on tumblr/twitter make friends (which seems that's how a lot of them treat it) but I found myself getting mutuals when some blogs I follow follow back. I thought they wanted to be friends since that's how they are with their other mutuals but other than like some of my posts when they started following me, they don't really interact with any of my posts now. We only have one fandom in common and I don't really posts much about that and when I do, they don't even like it or anything. It can't even be cause I reblog other people's stuff about that fandom cause they're following those people, too.

I don't understand why they're following my blog when they don't have a reason to be here? Is it those "follow for follow" things? It just makes me feel, I dunno strange(?), I guess, seeing my follower count and I could count on one hand how many of them still like my posts occasionally and none of those are my mutuals.

I wish there's a way to just remove them from my followers without removing me from their followers cause I still very much like their posts. It'd just be awkward softblocking them and then following again and they'd be notified and maybe they'd wonder why (if they even remember me at this point).

--

What the hell, anon?

How you make friends is by talking to people.

I don't even follow back half the people I actually talk to on tumblr because I forget. I never see likes. They're hidden on my activity page because who the fuck cares about likes?

I have people on here who reblog me frequently whom I rarely publicly interact with. You'd think I'm snubbing them. In fact, we're offline friends.

I have people I consider dear internet friends whom I chat with on a weekly or even daily basis in private whom you'll rarely see me talk to here even though this is how we met.

How I can tell if I'm friendly acquaintances with someone is by us talking enough that I remember who they are. I'm really bad at remembering internet handles as discrete individuals if I've never met the person. Once I start to actually remember you, it means something.

How I can tell we're friends is that we've built some emotional intimacy, usually by talking in private, often about our actual lives or, even more tellingly, our philosophies, aspirations, and struggles with making art.

If I can be vulnerable with someone in private in a way I wouldn't be publicly on tumblr, then we're friends. Of course, you never know if it's precisely mutual on the exact same level on a given day, but nothing in life is guaranteed.

Having shared fandoms is irrelevant.

Whether you are mutuals is irrelevant.

Likes are irrelevant.

Reblogs with no commentary are irrelevant.

If you don't meaningfully interact with the person, you are not friends.

[igglemouse]

Song of the Day! New Music Friday!

I realized something...this year will be my 10th...yes, 10th year here. I'll probably make a post about it later but it has given me a thought.

I've been here a long time! I feel like a simblr elder, not sure if that is a good or bad thing but...I am surprised to have been here for so long now that I think on it. Even through some times where I wanted to quit. Each time I restarted my legacy was a moment where I felt like just quitting, except the one with the technical issues. Especially that time where a simblr I was very close mutuals with just stop interacting with me and then blocked me. It was very odd. It always made me feel like someone was saying something about me behind my back which was also odd since...I literally just post my stuff here, reblog other stuff, and try to keep positive energy. I remember thinking at the time, was it something I had done? I couldn't figure out why, I'm socially awkward so I thought maybe that was it...

When I started this simblr, nearly ten years ago, I was not in a good place. I was dealing with pretty bad depression, medicated, suicidal, the whole bit. I might have mentioned that over the years here, I doubt it because I'm pretty guarded, but I think back on it posting was the best thing I could have done then. It was a fun escape and knowing that people saw some value in my writing, even if just a little bit, really helped and it pushed me more and more into writing, which was a good thing. It was something I could focus on. I discovered through this that I have this ability to write and write a lot and here I could play out any story idea I had and I've always had so many come and go.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this one! Sometimes, I just have a thought and it turns into something longer. I would say I'll be here ten years longer but honestly who knows?! I think that's more on tumblr than myself lol as I do love tumblr but I hope there's a better platform in that time to migrate to.

I will say, to all the people that complimented me. That said I inspired them to do this or that, reached out to me, to even those that complimented my writing. Even those that did so and seemed really into my stories until just randomly unfollowing and ignoring me...well, no take backs! I've absorbed all the nice and positive thoughts. Not that they would be reading this any way lol.

So, I guess if you wonder "Why does she keep saying stuff like that!" I guess that's why, maybe its being dramatic but since tumblr/simblr played such a big role in me writing in general I know it meant a lot to me when people have shown me love in any kind of way. Taking things a day at a time is also important to my mental I guess that's why I've always tried to post daily. It's something I've been told years ago to always look forward to something tomorrow and keeping my little legacies going is one small thing in my life that has been pretty consistent.

So yeah! Ten years here will be a cool achievement! If I have the time and have the health maybe ten more years! I feel like even if I became a millionaire I'd still be posting >.< and that millionaire thing is ahem...might be a possibility...life is much better for me now then when I started doing this!

OH! For those new followers, sorry, I do this like 2-4 times a month. I do used my SOTD posts for venting, ranting, talking, whatever!

Also Maria and Araceli tomorrow!

It's always too early to quit. ~ Norman Vincent Peale

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fic Titles W/ Beverages Masterlist

Bacon McDouble with a Pepsi (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: in a world in which the first words your soulmate says to you are inscribed upon your wrist, dan finds a mcdonald’s order on his arm

Bags Under My Eyes And Coffee In My Hands - andystanberg

Summary: Phil works at a 24/7 Starbucks and Dan just can’t get any sleep.

Been Thinking About You a Latte (ao3) - Full_Moon_Lover

Summary: You’re the cute and quiet customer that frequents the coffee shop where I’m a barista and also where my rival barista works and we’re both fighting for your attention in increasingly creative and inconspicuous ways (making foam art, writing cheesy pick-up lines on your napkin etc. etc.)

Cafe Latte (ao3) - auroraphilealis (peachrayne)

Summary: Phil’s always been that awkward boy who never quite belonged, and when he runs off to University, that doesn’t really change; he’s still that weird boy who continuously finds himself being bullied, even as the barista behind the counter. Until Dan comes along

Cake and Coffee (ao3) - swagityswag

Summary: Phil was the kind of person to get bored often, Dan and his little coffee shop helps.

Coffee At Midnight (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: A recent trauma has lead Phil to embrace a ‘try new things’ approach to his life. One of those new things is learning how to swim, and Dan is the lifeguard who’s going to teach him.

Coffee Shops and Cute Baristas - amazignphil

Summary: Coffee Shop AU with a blushy Phil and fanboy Dan.

Diet Soda Society - phanlight

Summary: dan is a lonely philosophy teacher who just needs to vent his thoughts, but not everyone understands.

Don’t Cry Over Spilt Milk (ao3) - philsdrill

Summary: Phil comes back from the doctors after finding out he’s lactose intolerant, which is hard for him to come to terms with.

Driving in the Espresso Lane (ao3) - soft_lester

Summary: Phil accidentally had too much caffeine, so he and Dan stay up playing Mario Kart.

green tea and cherry blossoms (ao3) - CapriciousCrab

Summary: Japan is lovely in the spring...

Hippo Milk Is Actually Pink (ao3) - deletable_bird

Summary: In Which Dan Is Drunk, Phil Is Also Drunk, They Hook Up, And Things Just Kind Of Go From There.

hot chocolate and marshmallows (ao3) - lilyxxxooo

Summary: A package arrives for them and Dan doesn’t know how to help. (based off Cornelia’s story of the mince pies Mrs. Lester made)

Hot Chocolate Can't Keep Me As Warm As You Do (ao3) - rainbowliguori (frickyeahfezco)

Summary: A Dan and Phil snow day leads to a heartfelt love confession. Excessive fluff.

I Like You a Latte (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Coffee Shop AU based off a tumblr post that I will link at the end bc spoliers.

lemonade sweet (ao3) - watergator (orphan_account)

Summary: dan and phil are moving out

Make Me Espresso Many Feelings (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan doesn’t like being a barista. The pay’s bad, the work’s boring and his co-workers acts like the proverbial devil sometimes. The only good thing about it is the really cute hipster that comes by sometimes.

Midnight Milkshakes (ao3) - thelandofphan

Summary: “Well, this is a different first date,” Dan initiated as they began to follow the sodden pathway ahead, “I turned up late, looking like a tramp then we ditched the original plan and now I’ve stolen your beanie when we’ve only just met. Sorry.” He concluded, sucking his lip nervously, peering towards Phil.

milkshakes and window art (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: dan works at a diner and there's one boy who always is at the diner who he can't get his mind off

Morning Tea (for you) (ao3) - FangirlOfMany57

Summary: A simple act of love can surpass the big things out there - it could be as simple as Tea.

Pineapple Juice (ao3) - Emejig16

Summary: Phil teaches Dan how to give a blowjob.

Raspberry Vodka (ao3) - dansleftboob

Summary: Teen!Phan try raspberry vodka and anal sex for the first time.

Share A Coke - nebulous-frog

Summary: Dan and Phil wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that Coca-Cola brought them together, but they couldn’t deny the significant part it played in their first meeting…

Shut Up & Drink Your Diet Soda (ao3) - lightweeds

Summary: Dan misses Phil, and ends up at his party.

Spearmint & Espresso (ao3) - blossomsphan

Summary: Scents (and cuddles) can be healing

Tea Leaves (ao3) - lowlights (orphan_account)

Summary: Dan and Phil have always been the best of friends. Recently, however, Dan's started to develop feelings for the other boy.

to coffee or not to coffee (ao3) - danhoweiis

Summary: dan doesn’t like coffee, phil works in a coffee shop. cue some awful attempts at flirting and some first dates

vodka kisses (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: "Danny, you know what we should do?" Phil asked almost shamelessly, and Dan swore that sentence broke the intimacy but he held in a laugh. "It won't be the first time, so there's nothing to be scared of."

[pandaemoanium]

random vent under the cut about using english as a non-native speaker

a lot of the time i feel very self-conscious whenever i speak or write in english. even though i'm not *bad* at english i can still feel the language barrier holding me back at times. the way i talk and write can be very stiff and it really sticks out, at least to me, and it sometimes makes me feel very stupid.

i can feel the lack of vocabulary and skills hindering my ability to show how i truly feel or think in certain situations and it's frustrating as hell. i know i'm not an idiot. i know that in finnish i'm (usually) a pretty smart person, but in english i sometimes feel like a fucking toddler trying to get a simple point across. the way i talk can also be very awkward because i have to pause *a lot* to find the right words, and i can just *feel* my brain buffering like a fucking youtube video trying to keep up with what i'm trying to say. having to translate everything in your head on the spot can get very exhausting. add chronic anxiety and somewhat lacking social skills into the mix and oh god oh fuck i feel like i can't communicate with people at all sometimes

i use english every single day, most days even more than finnish, whether it's being online scrolling through tumblr or reading articles etc, playing video games, watching shows and movies, chatting with my american boyfriend or my online friends from all around the world. even the UI on my phone/game consoles/etc is in english. i constantly try to improve in hopes of being able to say that i've become "fluent" in english or whatever but idk, i feel like i've hit my skill cap a long time ago and i just can't get any better and it frustrates me so much. i just want to be able to convey my feelings and thoughts as clearly as possible but so much of it seems to quite literally get lost in translation. i hate feeling incompetent and stupid aaaaaaaaaaaaa

i don't think i have the energy to even start talking about how the way i speak english as a non-native speaker can be really weird to a native speaker because of the way i was taught british english but i've also learned american english through media etc and how bc of that i've picked up words and phrases from all over the place so my english is just a weird amalgamation of british mixed with american english from all over the country

i had a point in all this but i forgot abt it a long time ago so this turned into a random vent post lol, thanks for coming to my ted talk i guess

[myopicry]

a spiteful little rant about petty real life circumstance~

picking the absolute worst time to peak as I essentially fully start a new role as management for a very "queer" organization (it's like a school sponsored writing publication) on my campus...whoops! in my defense, I had yet to peak when I applied for the job and got it, and was actively still seeking to transition. ironically though, right after I got hired, that's when all the fun catalysts for my peakening happened! the universe plays funny games sometimes with timing.

anyway...the point of this relentless blogposting is that my boss/head of management is a self defined "transfemme" who I watched actively go from they/them to she/her in the span of a few months, and I have just had the fascinating reveal (not shocking, really) that they are a "lesbian" and apparently, this is well known among the management to where people joke their entire personality is being gay and talking about lesbians and man. I really hate to be like this but. it's a little awkward to watch someone who isn't female define themselves with being such a "lesbian" !!! again, what a fun nod from the universe that the second I accept my own same-sex attraction, but I still have all this damn baggage from trying to repress it for so long as well as a new profound loneliness based off my opinions being very isolating from my peer group, I am immediately confronted with the exact concept that I have just been peaked on!! wow!! and especially since I still struggle with even thinking of myself as a lesbian since I've had such dumb, incidental, regrettable and based-on-insecurity experiences with men, watching someone categorically not same-sex attracted be so flippantly defined as the gayest of all gays and so quirky for liking to kiss girls (I'm not mad at all that I'm basically stuck in the closet due to my family situation/location in the states and will probably never be able to be so casual with my attraction because a lot of the people around me still see it as unnatural haha <- lying about not being mad)

worst part and maybe the objectively whiniest and pettiest part of this post is this person apparently is poly and has multiple girlfriends! which they brag about! oh boy!

it all just reminds me of how I used to just not know about any of this, but now I can't help but notice how casual jokes like "I like girls in a lesbian way" are made by trans women online, and how...weird...it feels? yknow, I just want to actually let myself feel love for once after a whole teenage saga of disassociating myself from my body and subjecting myself to degrading relationships because I thought that was the only way I could live, and be in a relationship that makes me feel what everyone else feels so damn easily because the world is catered towards their desires and not mine! but sure, I guess these quirky amabs can just suddenly become so gay and sapphic and whatnot just with a simple change of the pronouns and somehow become the face of the identity I can still barely stand to claim from my lack of experiences but one that eats me up inside with the pain of unfulfillment regardless!

okay, I'm clearly losing the thread here and I admit this is fully written from an impulsive, spite-fueled reaction, but what's an anonymous tumblr blog for if not making my problems everyone's problem because I obviously can't vent about this in real life! in a way, this is better than letting the resentment fester? I can just vent it out and subject my lovely followers to maybe seeing this? wow, I love tumblr.com?

if you did read this, you're a damn saint and I hope you have an amazing whatever time of day it is where you live <3

[mister13eyond]

Any tips on how to silence the "don't tell people you feel sorry/you wish them to get better/you understand them because if you do you're the most tactless inconsiderate monster to walk on earth and you should feel bad for yourself" voices in my head?

Because me growing up on tumblr meant that teenage me had internalized all the poor counseling tips HARD and every time somebody opens up to current me I enter a stupor because wow, what do I say to them? Surely they'll hate me if I say I'm sorry

And like, from personal experience, how many times have I flipped out at people who told me they're sorry or everything will be alright when I opened up to them? That's right, zero. And how many times have I re-read my awkward tumblr lingo ridden attempts at counseling and thought to myself "damn this is the most awkward thing I've ever said. I should have told them something like "I feel you, everything will be alright". It would have been a lot better I think."? Wayyyy too many

BOY OH BOY DO I FEEL THIS PAIN ANON, im shaking both your hands because this one is HARD and i still haven't fully managed to turn that part of my brain off weeps

in my case i think it comes from being the person that apologized for everything, and then got scolded for apologizing, so i turned around and tried to stop saying "i'm sorry" reflexively and Way Overcorrected

but yeah i'm right there with you- when i open up to friends and they tell me "i'm sorry" or "it's gonna be ok" i never think twice about it, i know they care and are listening to me and want to console me. but when i do it? oh no, not allowed

HOWEVER i have been trying to do things a bit differently to work around that bad reflex so maybe it will help you too!

personally, i think part of my approach has been going "what do I actually want and/or need when i am opening up to someone?" and part of it has been going "what do i MEAN when i say 'i'm sorry' to a friend opening up to me?"

for the first part, usually what i really NEED is just like, for someone to genuinely listen, for me to feel heard, and for someone to say they understand! like, i don't frequently come to my friends expecting Solutions or Counseling- they're not my therapist and i'd never ask them to be, I don't need them to give me sagely advice or solve everything because, well. we're all a bunch of mentally ill queers struggling through life and trying their best and i don't think they'll be able to magically solve all my problems because most of them have the same problems i do! i really just want someone to listen, to go "yeah that IS unfair" or "you're right, that IS really hard" and then tell me they care about me and they hope it will get better soon.

for the second part it really ties into the first- a lot of the time when i would apologize after a friend vented to me it didn't really mean "i am personally responsible for this problem and i am apologizing for it", it meant "that sucks and i wish it wasn't happening to you". so i've kinda just... started saying the latter? like i mentioned above, i really just want to know my friends understand and care about me when i'm struggling, so i've tried to do the same when i can by just like.... validating what someone is saying. "yeah you're right that WAS an unfair way for your manager to treat you" or "god it's fucking hard when mental illness acts up like that and you're understandably struggling under it!" or "i wish all this wasn't happening to you and i hope you catch a break soon because you deserve it." i can't, like, counsel someone because i'm not a trained professional and i don't want to mess things up worse, but i CAN say "you're right, that sucks, i love you and i get why it's making you feel [stressed/upset/angry/etc]" and "i care about you a lot and i hope things get better soon"

it's hard!!! changing a reflex like that super ingrained in you is hard. i kinda started using workarounds like this so that i could... trick my brain? "well, you didn't actually use THE WORDS "i'm sorry" so it doesn't count" (even though i just rephrased the sentence to say what i mean when i say sorry without actually using sorry)

i wish you the best of luck!!! wanting to be good to people and give them what they need when they open up to you or rely on you IS genuinely hard but i also so badly want to be good to the people i love too, so i think it's worth it. here's to hoping we both get it figured out ;o;

[dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling]

Sal and Todd being friends with an Aroace reader? Please and thank you!

Yesss, I feel like I don't see a lot of ace/aro stuff on tumblr and as someone who's asexual it makes me a bit sad. Anyways ty and have a nice day!

Sal and todd & Aroace!Reader

sal fisher

★ Sal didn't know what being asexual/aromantic was before meeting you, so when you came out to him he asked plenty of questions to try and understand it (and you) a bit better. Hes not willfully ignorant, he tries his best to understand you and others but it can get a bit confusing.

★ He's very good with emotions, so if you need to vent to him about being labeled as heartless or deluded by people who don't understand he's always there to listen and give you advice. Also he's a firm believer in platonic affection so be prepared for a hug!

★ If he's watching a movie with ( )you and there's a sex scene he asks if you want to skip it, to be honest he'd still ask you if you weren't asexual because the tension in the room always feels sorta awkward after.

todd morrison

★ Say less, he knows a lot about the sexuality spectrum and has done lots of research on the subject in his free time. He doesn't really make a big deal out of it. Dose make a mental note to tell your other friends (Sal, Larry, Ash etc) so they know, unless you want to tell them yourself.

★ Will not stand for anyone telling you that you're "missing out" or "just confused" because he's been told some very similar things, from very similar people. Trust me, he gets it.

★ Overall he's a very open person and wants you to feel comfortable with yourself. He's not the best at emotions but if you need to talk about something that's troubling you, he'll do his best to listen.

[sttoru]

Girly idk how I wasn't following you still, tumblr isn't stupid, I'm sorry that you are feeling on the outskirts of the fandom as well. You are a wonderful person and writer, and I'm glad you’ve been growing as you have been. You deserve so much more love!! 💕

It does make me feel like there is something wrong with me or like in off putting when i see several big blogs talking to each other, boosting each other. But then I drop in, just say hi to be friendly, only to be ignored. When they are literally responding to various anons or other people.

It seems like they want to talk to everyone else but me. Which has me feeling like I'm in the wrong, I'm bothersome and unwanted in the fandom space. They don't have to talk to me, but my feelings are still gonna be hurt at being shunned by 90% of the blogs I try to interact with.

It does kill my motivation since I don't want to be seen as someone who just posts. I want to be seen as a friend and someone to talk to.

I understand that some people get along better than others. But damn so many people are having this problem it seems like. It's boiling down to popular blogs like other popular blogs, boost other popular blogs and they stay the main people in the fandom eyes whole everyone sits quietly in the side just wanting to be partly including

Feel free to rant right back if need be. Cause I get needing to get this shit off your chest, cause I sure as hell needed to

hiii feyyy !!! dwww, it’s all good :> thank u sm for ur nice words aaaaaaa u r as well, one of the writers on here that i respect 4 their hard work !

gonna vent a bit haha need to get some things off my chest too like u said;

i get ur first point!! it sucks rlly. especially when you are the first one reaching out (which takes a lot of courage, especially for someone socially awkward like me lol) and then it hurts DOUBLE because you get ignored. i get ittttt rlly. for me, i always try to reply ppl even if im a bit late because im either thinking of a proper response or am distracted or busy , but i never intentionally ignore anyone interacting with me. i know some ppl on here do bcs they don’t feel entitled to respond to comments or anons or whatev, which is like ? ok. but if it’s someone just being friendly and complimenting you / your work … it’s not hard to reply w a form of gratitude . some rlly think they’re celebrities on here and it needs to stop

and it’s understandable and totally valid to feel like you’re being shunned and unwanted by people you just want to befriend , only for them to ignore you / not interact with you but with everyone else :/ it sucks and ppl don’t seem to realise that it could hurt other’s feelings. i hope you know that you’re not unwanted tho! those people are just… idk, a bit weird (ofc im only talking abt people who INTENTIONALLY ignore others)

findjng a friend on tumblr with the same interest is like a chore. you either click instantly or you think you do, only for it to be fore 2 interactions max and then you go back to ignoring each other basically on dash

AND YOUR LAST POINTS!! so true. its that the more popular blogs just stick together and help each other out when ??? there are smaller blogs of writers / artists just sittng in the sidelines like ‘ok so what do i have to do to gain traction if the people with a bit of bigger platforms are totally ignoring me & my works’

it’s actually tiring. ofc, me having 3k followers — i am suuuuper grateful, not complaining much, but i also know how it feels. my notifications are super dry except for mainly likes, my dms are like a desert, inbox is 98% only of anons who drop requests and then leave without leaving anything else. no one to talk to, except for people who leave a comment every once in a while :/

like u may think bcs i have decent following i actually gain more interactions? not rlly. only likes & sometimes reblogs w tags. that’s all really, i don’t really have anyone on here who i consider a close online friend (as much as this sounds sad & cringy LMAOO) but its tiring to see everyone be so close to each other on dash while im on the side like ‘how nice it must be to get that much interaction’

& im sure there are people who r gonna say ‘just interact with them’ I DO and i either get left on read or they respond dryly / or i don’t get the same energy back. bcs sometimes im reluctant to reach out first because it always ends up w me taking the initiative & i end up looking desperate to get an interaction with a mutual LOL

anyways thinking abt this tumblr writing community makes my head ache bcs of all the things ive seen and experienced on here (also on my prev account which i had for 2 years)

[shinyzango]

Genuine question, coming from an artist, writer and new user of Tumblr.

How you interact with people on the platform? It seems easy but somehow I get really anxious trying pull the move. Hell! I’m even asking you anonymously about a simple advice. I’ve seen you make contacts and acquaintances here Tumblr with other artist on the platform. The anxiety might come from being afraid of being judge or even harass to no returning point but genuinely, I wanna know (I’m very eager to write my own pokepastas, aus and much more).

You don’t have to answer this since your blog has any really about that, just need a small advice to know how to “surf” here.

- DLC.

Well to be completely honest, I'm the last person you should ask that dkfgjnsdkgb

As much as I've made a lot of friends on here, I'm still shy as hell when it comes to actually interacting with someone. If I do it's usually after a long time of me following them. But it's mainly a me thing, I need time to get comfortable with a person and see if they're someone I'm comfortable talking to.

And to be fair, I should return being more active publicly. I used to be a lot more open and chatty in the past (even tho it was mainly for venting and such, which I stopped doing because I don't want to spread negativity anymore). Hopefully I'll return being more active soon.

Anyways uuuh I got lost in my own stuff, let me get back on track.

My advice is to do your thing, just have fun. Look around. Share and enjoy that you love. Leaving comments in the tags or even in replies will do a lot to help break that ice on the long run.

But in my opinion the golden rule is to not rush things. Get yourself comfortable first. Know your limits. If you're sharing your content, do it because you want to share it, not to have people talk to you. It sounds dumb but it's a really important point to keep in mind.

As for the anxiety over being judged or harassed, I know that feeling, and the advice I can give you is to take a breather and just be yourself. As long as you are honest, things will eventually click. And if it doesn't, then it's no big deal. You won't click with everyone, and that's ok.

But take my advices with a pinch of salt, this all comes from someone who is generally socially awkward and takes a lot of time to get comfortable enough to speak to strangers and/or in new environments.

I still hope this long rambling managed to help out even a tiny bit :'D

[allthebestcowboyshavedaddyissues]

how many works do you have on ao3?

41! there’s a couple i’m getting ready to go up though

what's your total ao3 wordcount?

223,077

what fandoms do you write for?

currently: fall out boy/bandom rpf, lost, smallville, supernatural (& rpf for that also)

top 5 fics by kudos

there’s actually two beds (supernatural rpf)

The California Effect (supernatural)

Superficial (supernatural)

After the Beep (supernatural)

love times five (smallville)

do you respond to comments?

usually all of them:)

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

damn this is like a competition ummmm…Bite or Semper Fidelis & Armageddon in Clay Motion or Doors, hard to say?

what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

pfftttt. Something Familiar, Something New & Dean Smith’s Guide to Happy Holidays (With Bloodplay)

do you get hate on fics?

once

do you write smut?

rarely but yea, prefer reading to writing in that area

craziest crossover?

Lost x The ‘Burbs from lostoween. Insanely awesome.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of!

have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

have you co-written a fic before?

@obsessivedaydreamer YES!

all time favorite ship?

GAH um peterick. long years of rpf brainrot but my first tumblr account was dedicated to dan and phil so!

what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

those are fighting words because i SWEAR i will finish it but Superficial. it deserves more attention because i still find the concept great i just haven’t felt drawn to it since i actually posted it unfortunately

what are your writing strengths?

i think i tend to keep things in character, or i try my best to, anyway. i think endings should pack a punch or hold some weight so i try to make everything i write have an ending i’m proud of even if i don’t like the project much overall. i think my humor is pretty good! a bit over the top in crack fics but i like it that way depending on the vibe i’m going for!

what are your writing weaknesses?

smut always feels SO awkward even though everyone says its fine i just haven’t gotten over the hump yet LOL. sometimes i feel myself losing velocity midway through and i hate that because i love when EVERY part of a story is interesting. also, internal dialogue when writing in third person / multiple points of view.

thoughts on dialogue in another language?

haven’t done it yet. kind of dread ever doing it. i think it’s great though!

first fandom you wrote in?

😬😬😬 i think winx club possibly? i don’t really remember but i deleted my old dan/phil and harry potter works off ao3 in 2016 i think

favorite fic you've written?

can i talk about vent again. please. pretty please. i reread that one OFTEN because it blows my mind that i wrote it? it’s not fanfic-y and i love that about it (nothing wrong with that OBVIOUSLY i have no problem with ridiculous crack i just like how different it feels for me). semper fidelis remains a strong favorite because i love character studies & projecting 🩵 doors/ACM for lost because those made me feel like i was on fire when writing.

tagged by the lovely arizona but free/open tag for anyone who wants to do it!

[midgardian-witch]

well hello, new moot,, finally exposing myself as the thirsty for robbie anon (along with many others) even though it was the most obvious thing in the world,,,, ive kept in mind that one time you asked me to tag you if i ever wrote anything this whole time so yes will 100% tag you whenever i post one of my robbie wips (also would you want to be tagged in all or just the first one?) i was planning to expose myself in that post after tagging you lol and again!! THANK YOUUUUU for all you do<3 ALSO IM SORRY BUT IM INSANE AND I GET SO LIKE IN MY HEAD LIKE "well this persons only ever interacted with me while im on anon so itd be weird if i wasnt at any point so i cant and ahsgsjasbbs" soooo i apologize even though i dont really even need to apologize i guess but i still feel bad sometimes because thats made my interactions with people much more limited and oh god am i venting to a new moot oh god not again

Hey there, lovely mutual! 💙

Yeah I figured out it was you pretty quickly 😅 Like I was 99% sure. BUT! That doesn't matter. Anon is anon and assuming makes an ass out of you and me and all that.

I'd be happy if you tag me in anything you write for Robbie. Our small circle of Robbie fans must be fed and I would hate to miss something. But only if it isn't too much work for you! I struggle with keeping tag lists working personally so no hard feelings if you forget or decide not to tag people.

There really is no need to be sorry. The anon function is there for a reason. Sometimes being percieved is fucking terrifying even online and with as anonymous as most tumblr accounts can be. I send mutuals a bunch of things on anon too because I feel like I am being too awkward or too something so I think I get how you feel. And that's ok. If it makes you feel more comfortable you can still send me asks on anon (even if we both know it's you). I will never judge someone for that.

I am sorry though that I might have crushed your big reveal because that sounded like a very cool plan 😔

[thatdamnpipsqueak]

I vaguely miss using tumblr as a journal/venting space.

I think the main thing that killed it was as I started to follow more IRL people/more IRL people followed me, I became aware that it wasn't a private space, and that if I expressed a frustration here, it was actually equivalent to bitching about it in a common room. Which meant that interpersonal shit couldn't go here.

And also as people I didn't know followed me, it felt more and more awkward, because I was airing dirty laundry in front of strangers.

And I just briefly had the thought of revisiting this, because I've slowly started to feel like most of the discords I'm in can't handle my emotions, except like. The same problem still exists.

It really sucks that there are certain types of emotions that you cannot express because there's no courteous way to express them.

[drinkplentyofmalk]

I'm in the weirdest position in regards to making art where I've proven to myself that I can totally develop raw technical skill from doing studies - my gesture drawing/texture analysis/technical car studies have all been generally solid or improving lately - but sitting down to actually draw something for fun completely saps all the knowledge out of me and I'm back to awkward symbol drawing and rushing my marks so it looks really sloppy and careless.

Obviously that just means that "drawing stuff for fun" is a skill I need to get better at in it's own right, but it's still daunting that my ambitions are to do things as complex as digital paintings or character designs but my attempts at drawing small bits of simple indulgent fanart are so crap in comparison to the 5+ years I've been seriously studying art and the 12 years I've spent constantly wanting to make art.

I feel like this is just a mental barrier that I can eventually erode/brute-force my way through, but at the same time I've been thinking "I'm almost at the point where I can really START to enjoy making art!" for years, and I can see myself in my 30s/40s/50s/60s still having made no real progress.

I missed my counselling session for this week because of public transport, so I'm venting on tumblr for the first time in 7 years to cope - will obviously delete eventually