#i still feel really awkward venting on tumblr

[denauth]

.♡.

[thedogeveryonehates]

I just had my first ever adult-y 'im sorry but we can't be friends anymore' conversation and it really sucked and it really hurt and I'm writing it down here bcus i feel awful🫠

Long story

So we met on the dating apps years ago and we've kept in contact ever since cause he's genuinely a sweet & cool guy. Also, he was hard of hearing and would teach me cool indo sign language stuff

He lives in another city and only visits occasionally for work reasons but whenever he stopped by we would hang out

Back then it would be hanging out and hooking up but ever since i met my bf he wanted to make it clear that the latter was off the table since he wasnt comfortable with it

The next time we met I had to explain to him that I was no longer in the market for a partner, but I really valued his friendship - trying my best to show that I didn't wanna lead him on if that was the case

Even though he said he understood, it really didn't seem that way over the next few months

We would be having normal conversations and catching up on whatsapp and he'd randomly say "so you don't have feelings for me?" or "what did i do wrong?" - and it really made it awkward like we were literally discussing our spotify albums 2 minutes ago what happened

The worst part is, he would ask these questions very genuinely and sometimes follow up on these questions. So then I would match the tone as best i can - only to get the response "haha yeah i was joking i already know haha". Whenever it happened i would laugh it off and look stupid

But the final straw happened a few hours ago. He was feeling flirty but i was tired so i said to try and find a casual hookup on the dating app. He's genuinely really handsome and he's always been popular on the apps so i said it shouldn't be hard for him and that he'd find someone within the hour

He then straight up LIES to me and says that he deleted the apps a few weeks ago, following that up by writing "you are more than enough"

Afraid that he thought i was leading him on or sending him signals, i tried to shoot that down as fast as possible. Basically going through the motions of rejecting someones advances as respectfully as i possibly could to a good friend i cared about

After a few grueling minutes of silence, he hits me with the "damn i wasnt being serious" and sends me a screenshot of the app still on his phone (full of unread notifications - remember: popular)

Fast forward an hour later and ive blocked him everywhere except instagram dms, where i told him that i needed some space

Yes he apologized profusely and yes i accepted his apology but i just got so stressed and humiliated that I couldn't take it anymore

I still feel awful

This is usually something i would vent to my boyfriend but he's asleep rn so ill just let my [tumblr] mutuals know and probably delete it when i wake up

Writing kinda makes me feel better it turns out

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

[thunder-wolf64]

Bleh I'm saying this now because it keeps happening but my brain wants me to be hated and criticized and I know I don't take criticism well, like at all. But seeing all of my moots getting flack for doing nothing is frustrating to me.

Vent art (faded sh scar warning) and explanation below.

I'm going to be turning on and off notifications and limiting my tumblr time so I hopefully don't keep upsetting myself. But at the same time that leaves me other much worse coping mechanisms but I'm going to try and be fine and watch this silly show that I can binge for days. Reach out if you want but I have to try doing something by not looking here. Maybe I'll still post. I don't know.

I'm trying but man I just don't know if this is making me better or worse. To someone specific; I'm sorry that I've not been talking with you. I just still feel awkward about boundaries bc i know i have a habit of pushing them. I appreciate you and your art and I'm sorry you deal with hate anons. You don't deserve all that stress. I didn't know what was right to do. I really tried to be a middle ground.

[olderthannetfic]

I'm sorry I need to vent but I don't get having mutuals. I thought it's how people on tumblr/twitter make friends (which seems that's how a lot of them treat it) but I found myself getting mutuals when some blogs I follow follow back. I thought they wanted to be friends since that's how they are with their other mutuals but other than like some of my posts when they started following me, they don't really interact with any of my posts now. We only have one fandom in common and I don't really posts much about that and when I do, they don't even like it or anything. It can't even be cause I reblog other people's stuff about that fandom cause they're following those people, too.

I don't understand why they're following my blog when they don't have a reason to be here? Is it those "follow for follow" things? It just makes me feel, I dunno strange(?), I guess, seeing my follower count and I could count on one hand how many of them still like my posts occasionally and none of those are my mutuals.

I wish there's a way to just remove them from my followers without removing me from their followers cause I still very much like their posts. It'd just be awkward softblocking them and then following again and they'd be notified and maybe they'd wonder why (if they even remember me at this point).

--

What the hell, anon?

How you make friends is by talking to people.

I don't even follow back half the people I actually talk to on tumblr because I forget. I never see likes. They're hidden on my activity page because who the fuck cares about likes?

I have people on here who reblog me frequently whom I rarely publicly interact with. You'd think I'm snubbing them. In fact, we're offline friends.

I have people I consider dear internet friends whom I chat with on a weekly or even daily basis in private whom you'll rarely see me talk to here even though this is how we met.

How I can tell if I'm friendly acquaintances with someone is by us talking enough that I remember who they are. I'm really bad at remembering internet handles as discrete individuals if I've never met the person. Once I start to actually remember you, it means something.

How I can tell we're friends is that we've built some emotional intimacy, usually by talking in private, often about our actual lives or, even more tellingly, our philosophies, aspirations, and struggles with making art.

If I can be vulnerable with someone in private in a way I wouldn't be publicly on tumblr, then we're friends. Of course, you never know if it's precisely mutual on the exact same level on a given day, but nothing in life is guaranteed.

Having shared fandoms is irrelevant.

Whether you are mutuals is irrelevant.

Likes are irrelevant.

Reblogs with no commentary are irrelevant.

If you don't meaningfully interact with the person, you are not friends.

[psychic-refugee]

Here’s my full review of My Old Ass.

Spoilers

I loved it.

Elliott is eager to get out of her small town. It’s a good set up in the beginning where she is prioritizing hanging with her friends and having a good time before she goes, rather than hang out with her family. She keeps ignoring her family messages because she is confident that they will be there for her later.

She trips on mushrooms and meets a future version of herself.

I think their banter is a great way to show how you can change and are so different from your past self, that it’s easy to question if this person is really you.

The deep philosophical point is that: you’re not the same person at 18 and 39.

Aubrey Plaza really pulls off being annoyed at her past self (and who doesn’t cringe at their teenage self?), and Maisy does a great job of showing the youthful optimism of where she thought her life would be at almost 40.

Like, oh get a degree, get a job, get married, have kids. Easy right? It’s really fucking not. lol

While her life is nothing like Maisy!Elliott thought it would be, Aubrey!Elliott is content and happy.

I think there is a ton of pressure, especially amongst young people going to Uni, where they think they have to have their entire life figured out and stick to the plan and the timeline of the plan.

I think it’s awesome that Maisy!Elliott rolls with this news, she doesn’t go into some downward spiral.

What I like the most about the movie is that not everything has to be this huge existential crisis. Maisy!Elliott is more annoyed at not getting the point of Aubrey!Elliott’s advice, rather than having a panic attack of what the future is like.

There is a place for those stories and there are a ton of them. Go watch them if that’s what you want. Leave me my chill bisexual Elliott.

The reasons reveal themselves over the next few weeks. And she’s more angry at what she is losing rather than what the future holds.

A lot of small-minded people are mad Elliott “doesn’t stay a lesbian,” showing their complete biphobia at being mad that sometimes people have to go through trial and error or experience life in order to fully understand their own sexuality. Not everyone can or wants to make a blanket statement at 18 and then feel stuck in it. Some people never figure it out or outright don’t attest to any label. All valid, all good in my book.

Again, with not making everything an existential crisis: Maisy!Elliott meets Chad (someone she has literally never met before) and starts to question if she’s a lesbian. She talks it out with her friend Ro, who is supportive and doesn’t try to convince her to keep the lesbian label.

She questions if she’s bi or pan, and never actually says either way. They have an entire conversation about how labels are good as long as they’re useful. And people still have the gall to be mad and call it lesphobia. What?!

Her other friend Ruthie is also supportive. They both meet Chad at Maisy!Elliott’s behest and are friendly.

Neither of them are complete twats who ask “but you have only ever liked girls” blah blah blah. Maisy!Elliott told them she likes Chad, they believed her. Fucking shocker.

I also really like how Chad also takes everything in stride. He’s just trying to be friendly and flirts in his own awkward way. Maisy!Elliott is weirdly hostile to him because of Aubrey!Elliotts warning, but he never holds it against her.

She vents to him about her anger at her family selling the farm, even though she had no plan to become a farmer herself. He understands that what she will really miss is her childhood, and he is insightful and understanding.

He listens to her when she talks about her previous feelings for only women and thank god he didn’t make any kind of joke about a threesome.

He’s just like, yeah some girls like girls and sometimes they also like me, cool. lol

Again, NO ONE QUESTIONS HER WHEN SHE STATES HER OWN SEXUALITY.

Take note Tumblr.

Some of the dialogue was cringy, but I also liked that it showed that not everyone is like super suave and cool with their crushes.

Sometimes the best and truest relationship is two people at their cringiest and they love each other anyway.

Even though there is like drug induced time travel astral projection, I still had a hard time suspending belief that Maisy!Elliott lost her “penis in vagina” virginity on a floating platform in the rain.

I know some might think it’s sexy and all I can think of is: splinters, needs more foreplay and preparation than what she might be used to, please have a condom.

Since it is a rom com movie, I am going to presume everything went well and it was awesome. Her smiling with him afterwards certainly attests to that.

So obviously Maisy!Elliott doesn’t listen to Aubrey!Elliott and falls for Chad. She finds out that it’s because Aubrey!Elliott wants to spare Maisy!Elliott the pain of losing him, as he dies in some unknown future.

Aubrey!Elliott tries to take her to task by calling her a young, dumb, idiot, but Maisy!Elliott fights back that if she tried to live her life trying to never get hurt, she wouldn’t do anything. She’d rather have Chad and the time they do have, than not having him ever.

Aubrey Plaza really knocks it out of the park with her performance of learning from her younger self. I think it showed perfectly that we all still have a lot to learn, and that our past selves have something to teach us as long as we don’t forget them because we’re trying to pretend we were never cringe. lol

We also find that Chad can SEE Aubrey!Elliott, and in my headcanon that confirms they’re soulmates and I just wanted to bawl my eyes out.

Although Aubrey!Elliott was trying to spare Maisy!Elliott, she couldn’t resist hugging and saying goodbye to Chad one last time.

And Chad is so sweet. He hugs Aubrey!Elliott, having just met her and having no idea why she wants to hug him. She clearly needed the hug, and he goes along with it because that’s the kind of guy he is.

Again, I wanted to bawl my eyes out with how convincing Aubrey Plaza was with seeing the love of her life one last time.

She learns that things in life are fleeting, and she needs to appreciate them now.

There are several instances where things Elliott loves are no longer there in the future. It’s not just her family cranberry farm.

Salmon become extinct.

The island they go camping is bought by a private buyer and no longer public.

Chad makes a point that we never know when something will be the last time, so savor everything.

She moves forward with that knowledge with Chad and her family.

The story wraps out with a beautiful sunset shot of Maisy!Elliott and Chad kissing.

Awesome movie. Will watch again and again.

[sonkitty]

Trickery Post #8 - Muriel

I thought that with the 6 Threshold Tricks found, having posts trying to simplify what they are as much as possible, and some GIF sets made, it was time to tell the world outside of Tumblr...at least Reddit and Discord.

I found on Discord that my post about Threshold Tricks was shared already.

Reddit gave me some upvotes, which was nice, some confused comments, which was understandable, and something I took as an insult of being thought of as AI, which was not nice at all.

My being human is a very big requirement of solving the puzzles because of the imagination required. I have to think of things like, "Looking through a window is an earthly object touch because people look through windows to see things on Earth," and "Crowley never let go of the door."

Setting aside the AI thing though, I did note a couple of remarks about how smart one has to be or people feeling themselves too "dumb" to understand.

I took note of these things and have thought about it a lot.

I take pride in having found the Threshold Tricks because it's not easy, but I also never really thought of my success as because I'm so smart.

I met challenges. I played a game, and I played it well enough to find some things that were supposed to be found.

I had to think about what do to play, but it took me reading 41 Discworld books later to realize the word that might suit what people meant is "clever."

And, indeed, being "clever" is not all that common or come all too easily to many people.

I have been called "clever" once or twice over my lifetime, and I do consider myself at least resourceful when it comes to solving problems outside of playing Earthly Objects.

And yeah, I would say my own play at Earthly Objects is clever, and that's why I think it's as good as it is and am proud of it. All those things I said I like to think of as traits about Crowley? Those are traits I would at least want to have too, if I don't have them. I think I do have them for the play here at least. Being creative is one of the hardest things for me to do, but I still try.

I did go through numerous drafts of trying to explain how to play Earthly Objects, as an audience member, but I was mainly just venting and maybe doing some thinking. I eventually decided not to publish it though bits of it have made it into other posts of mine over time. It's not like anyone has ever asked me how to play.

But anyway...sharing the information outside of Tumblr was an awkward learning experience. I at least took some of the reactions in mind with how I went about making my posts, even if it probably wouldn't help the readers in those places any better. The experience was, in fact, the cause of a massive hesitance to do this project on YouTube though not the main reason in the end.

Still, I wanted to have at least made the effort. You know how sometimes people make a post that goes, "Why didn't anybody tell me that..." something or other? I wanted have it on record, that yes, someone did tell you, or tried to, anyway.

Despite those issues, I did gain something from the process of making posts to try and share my findings with other people.

As a reminder, I did notice the Tied Hands are pocketed into Crowley's vest on the exit for the Heaven elevator.

When I made my GIF set for the Heaven entry and exit, I was very, very selective about which parts of the scenes I hoped could show that bigger threshold best or were most relevant to what is happening in the game.

And this cut right here, this cut showed me that Crowley's silhouette was eerily particular about how it looked with that door frame.

Something was going on with this thing. I lacked the simple explanation for how the Heaven elevator was tricked. I had always known even if I had never articulated it quite that way in my head or my posts. Crowley not touching the buttons is too easy of an explanation compared to the other two bigger thresholds.

Well, I still couldn't think of an answer.

The pockets thing was overwhelming.

I wanted a break.

I had long suspected that Crowley and Muriel knew each other in some earlier draft of the story. This suspicion came from things like Crowley saying, "Who's this now?" the first time he and Muriel encounter each other, and "You're forgetting about the bees." That's a reference to memory, and Muriel seems to possibly be an angel who has had their memory wiped at some point.

Muriel references Crowley by name and talks as if they encountered Gabriel in a scene from the story we never saw.

I noticed that Crowley and Muriel scenes had certain bookend traits. For instance, Muriel's first scene is followed by Crowley's entrance to the coffee shop. By now, we know that is The Perfect Entrance Trick.

So, I figured I could at least make a better log and see if those bookends amounted to anything.

Things did not bode well for my "break from pockets" idea when I realized that Muriel places their notepad in their pocket when they enter the elevator.

Obviously that alone on most viewings doesn't mean much, but now I knew The Pocket Trick existed with all of its monstrous complexities. And I knew that the Tied Hands were at least active during the end of this broad touch for a bigger threshold.

Oh shoot. That meant I had to watch things even more closely now that I got further confirmation that pockets are involved with...everything.

It looked like the Tied Hands might retie and the Belt Head might activate even before the exit.

I could not believe what I found with Muriel.

Part of why this project is so important to me is because of how amazing and special this finding was.

Muriel definitely has special bookends with Crowley. I could find only one scene of Muriel where a Crowley scene was not the front of the back bookend to it. That's when Muriel arrives on Earth and is the subject being seen by Mrs. Sandwich.

Crowley is in the front bookend to Muriel's only minisode scene.

But the Threshold Tricks.

My God, the Threshold Tricks.

We have mainly been focused on The Pocket Trick and The Door Trick the past couple of posts. As a reminder, there is also The Perfect Entrance Trick, The Bigger Thresholds Trick, The Sunglasses Trick, and The Window Trick.

These things matter for understanding the scale of this bookend connection.

Muriel's scenes bookend the Threshold Tricks.

Let me show you.

Here is Muriel's scene before the first Threshold Trick, which is The Perfect Entrance Trick.

...

Here is a Muriel scene before Triple Part 2, for the eventual Single, of The Sunglasses Trick:

...

Here is a Muriel scene after Single #3, for the eventual Triple, of The Sunglasses Trick:

...

Muriel is with Crowley and in the Triple of The Bigger Thresholds Trick.

...

Here is Muriel given focus briefly in the scene before the Single of The Pocket Trick:

..,

Here is Muriel in the scene for The Single of The Pocket Trick:

...

Here is the show reminding us Muriel is with the other angels for the scene after the Single of The Pocket Trick:

That means Muriel is pocketed into the last touch of The Pocket Trick.

We're up to 4 out of 6 Threshold Tricks by now, by the way.

...

Here is Muriel just before Triple Part 3, for the eventual Single, of The Sunglasses Trick, finishes:

...

Here is Muriel shortly after Double #2 for The Sunglasses Trick finished:

This part here is the only time Muriel is the one who bookends both sides of a Crowley scene. He tends to bookend Muriel's scenes on one side or both.

This places Muriel before The Door Trick.

Then The Window Trick happens. That way, Muriel does not fully bookend either of those Threshold Tricks.

Muriel is not on screen during these two Threshold Tricks happening in the Final Fifteen. We know they are in the area, and they stay off screen during these things.

Once The Window Trick is done, Muriel shows up on the back bookend.

In case you missed it, that means that Muriel pockets the Threshold Tricks because Muriel is the front bookend to the first of the group and the back bookend to the last of the group.

Crowley still manages to bookend both sides of Muriel's last scene because he gets that extra cut just before the credits start.

...

Now you have to have been following along or playing the long game to understand just how incredibly special that was.

Muriel has helped us so much in figuring out Crowley's play with key moments.

Muriel helped us figure out the short sideburns with the literal use of the word "human".

Muriel helped us figure out that Crowley shows reflections in his sunglasses when he wants to see something someone else is showing him.

Muriel helped us figure out that Crowley was possibly invisible in the elevator on the exit from Heaven.

Muriel has just been there helping us all along.

Muriel helped Crowley trick the Heaven elevator while misdirecting the audience into thinking Crowley is tricking Muriel.

I've taken this setup of these various scenes involving both characters to indicate that Crowley and Muriel have a deep trust in each other. They may have had a history as friends and/or mentor and student.

...

Other things I remarked on with my Bookend Buddies post was the boxes for Crowley and Muriel and that Muriel convinces Crowley to change his appearance. When he does, his tie is then pocketed into his newly manifested gray jacket.

Crowley knew Muriel's rank before Muriel ever gave it to him, based on the scenes we saw, and Muriel knew Crowley's name before we ever saw them given his name.

Sure, you can make guesses, and reasonable ones at that, for why these things happen, but the story still took the time and effort to put them there.

Crowley can know Muriel's rank because he's the Acting First-Order Archangel due to Gabriel's amnesia. The torch was passed to him, possibly by accident, when Crowley and Aziraphale performed the hiding miracle in episode 1. Hence, the special torch Overhead Light Crowley gets. Then learning the rank is a power Crowley has at least once he entered Heaven first.

Muriel can know Crowley's name because Saraqael does, and Saraqael provided it in any information given for Muriel's assignment on Earth.

If we still want something not so easily explained away, perhaps we lost the first draft of the story where these two really learned this information about each other, and it just stuck with them in their latent memories.

...

After that post, I broke down my work on the overall Earthly Objects game into a new set of posts. I made a post with a GIF dedicated to the Ground Zero cut of The Door Catch. I included some text describing the situation. The new Earthly Objects format was 3 posts, all linked to one main post.

In that main post, I acknowledged that this game tricked me into playing it. I'll go on about that here. This series of posts is named "Trickery" after all.

When I read other people's posts about the sideburns way back, I realize now that I recognized a game without those exact words in my head. This recognition was that of an invitation to play. I accepted that invitation without realizing it. All the pieces were in place to attract a player like me to begin with. You've got David Tennant as Crowley, for starters. Then you have a story with a lot of things that left me generally uneasy because I didn't know it, but I felt it, that what I just saw were games.

I just so happen to be a person who has the types of experiences useful into playing the games well enough to progress.

Then you give me an excuse to dig through videos and pictures of David Tennant as Crowley, thank you very much.

But the challenge is something that really impresses me about these games.

Like I said, I thought if it's that obvious, it can't be that hard. And then if it were that hard, I would just give up because I couldn't figure it out.

But that's not what happened.

The sideburns game wasn't all that hard, but in the process of playing it, I found the Earthly Objects game, and I found Earthly Objects just plain interesting enough to play that too.

Earthly Objects was challenging, and more challenging than the sideburns game, but I was still able to pass the challenges right up until figuring out a few things about The Pocket Trick, just enough to miss that one's core concept.

Then I initiated Round Two of the Threshold Tricks without realizing it.

Then the game was very, very hard, but it still wasn't so hard that I completely gave up on it. I had learned so much, and I could still progress in small increments.

If I had known the game was going to get so hard, I might not have played. But I really am glad I played. It is the most amazing game I have ever played. Granted, I'm biased because down in its core, this game is largely built around David Tennant being such a perfect Crowley.

Nonetheless, I was tricked. It really was that hard because pockets, but I didn't know any better, obviously.

...

I eventually made another Bookend Buddies post regarding Muriel since I picked up on a few more things.

I still didn't have the simple explanation for tricking the Heaven elevator, but I felt I was getting close. It had something to do with the threshold thinking Muriel was arresting Crowley.

I didn't have the exact words, but the ideas pointed in that direction.

I also believe I found that Muriel has a Pocket Frame during the exit for Heaven and that the Pocket Frame is "Angel Arms."

Here are my two best guesses for the possible Touch Point:

Oh, speaking of, you remember how I mentioned thumb tips are relevant to the mechanics of The Sunglasses Trick and The Pocket Trick?

Muriel's doing something with their right hand if you look very closely:

Muriel might actually be the source or cause for the light to go up over Crowley. And...when the light does go up, that's when The Bigger Thresholds Trick gets its rainbow.

I also got a clue about the "first" thing with Crowley even though I didn't have it solved.

Just as Crowley prioritizes being first in using the Heave elevator, Muriel prioritizes being last.

In fact, there is a general "last" pattern found with Muriel once you look.

~BEGIN BOOKEND BUDDIES PART 2 EXCERPT FOR "LAST~

During the entrance part of the Triple (using the Heaven elevator), Muriel follows Crowley both times. They follow him in. They follow him out. That makes sense. There is only two of them, and Crowley wants to be first.

But...

When it comes to the exit, Muriel is last in the sequence of Crowley, Saraqael, and Muriel on the trek toward the elevator. When the angels follow Crowley toward the bookshop, Muriel is last there too.

As already stated in the last post, they are also the one who closed the doors.

Here are some more "last" patterns found with Muriel:

In their second and third matchbox scenes, they are the last character introduced to the scene.

They imply their own rank is last with saying they did not know there was a rank down from theirs.

They have a back bookend scene to the last of the Singles that became the Triple of The Sunglasses Trick.

They are the assistant for the last part of The Bigger Thresholds Trick.

They are the assistant for the last part of The Pocket Trick.

Due to Muriel's presence in episode 6, they also are on the back bookend of these last parts of these Tricks.

Both The Bigger Thresholds Trick and The Pocket Trick are complex tricks because they take place over more than one episode. While Muriel could not be the assistant to the last complex Threshold Trick, The Sunglasses Trick, it is the one time they bookend a Crowley scene on both sides without being in it themselves, if one assumes Aziraphale's moment alone is still the argument scene that is and I am remembering things in general properly.

In the entire season, Muriel is the last character seen to open and close a door.

~END BOOKEND BUDDIES PART 2 EXCERPT FOR "LAST~

...

Well, so much for a "break form the pockets" on that adventure. It was fun adventure all the same. I really liked seeing the bookends form together that way.

...

Speaking of pockets, at a certain point with The Pocket Trick, I had mostly hit my limits.

I redid the introduction for The Pocket Trick and since I like that one, you'll see some of it here in this post; it's probably a little edited since I initially posted it.

~BEGIN THE POCKET TRICK BASICS INTRO PORTION~

The Pocket Trick is difficult to say the least. This Threshold Trick was almost certainly meant to be found last because, from my own experience, it snowballs into an increasing realization of its profound impact on a lot of what is happening in Good Omens 2.

It is the epitome of the saying, "Big things come in small packages," and that was assuredly intentional.

The Pocket Trick is a monster.

It is a gigantic, frustrating, infuriating, challenging monster.

But at least it has a sense of humor.

And it's insightful too.

I call it a "giant pain" most of the time.

The core concept is, "Think outside the pocket."

That phrase is more commonly understood as "Think outside the box," but this Trick is about pockets. We'll think outside the box and replace that word with "pocket".

Once we start to think outside the pocket, a lot of other things in this confusing Trick start to make sense. Specifically, it helps to understand the idea to pocket while pocketing and grasp that these touches are puzzles using assorted word play and imagination.

It takes time for various aspects of this Threshold Trick to truly sink in.

I eventually thought of that core concept because Crowley gets boxed in, like in a frame—a Pocket Frame, but not fully boxed in as part of the touches in the Trick. Reason being, it's like putting Crowley in a pocket. There are both words right there. Plus, there is a lot happening outside the pocket. In fact, there are so many things, when I first started to grasp how much this Trick entails, it felt like everything matters when it comes to the pockets. That realization was—and still is—overwhelming.

~END THE POCKET TRICK BASICS INTRO PORTION~

Something that was lost from my previously shared notes on The Pocket Trick and the above excerpt was that at one point, I described this Trick's effect as more like hitting you like a ton of bricks. A snowball effect is more apt, so that's why I eventually changed it.

As you can see, I eventually committed to believing I have the core concept right.

With my play for The Pocket Trick being so limited, I felt ready to return to working on my posts for Crowley's sideburns. I made a new main post, more assuredly naming the game as The Sideburns Scheme.

I eventually changed the name of the "angry lightning walk" to Storming Out and described it as a dual tutorial for both games. The answer to the question, "How else can I figure out how the sideburns work if I know the story is lying to me?" is that..."The answer is in the question." You can't, so you have to rely on that answer to progress further in the game.

For a few months, I focused on going over all of Crowley's scenes with the sideburns while acknowledging and sometimes playing Earthly Objects in between. I also put forth a theory that Crowley performed a Big Miracle we didn't see that his hidden by that sequence. This miracle put the Book of Life into the matchbox that is in Heaven. I think Muriel was heavily involved in whatever was truly hidden. I suspect whatever this event is also how Crowley earned the more saturated red streak in his hair.

During this time is around when I decided to start reading Discworld novels in a desperate attempt to improve my play.

I ended up redoing the individual posts for The Pocket Trick in between making those sideburns posts. When I reached the first such touch, something sort of crystallized for me that I had already hinted at in the sideburns series of posts: The Threshold Tricks have at least two rounds of play. When I set aside the time to go over The Pocket Trick again and discovered the Tied Hands, that was my initiating Round 2 without realizing it.

While I do think Crowley is visible to Mr. Arnold and Aziraphale during the music shop scene, I think he's supposed to be invisible to the door, for the threshold he is tricking, because you can't really see Crowley's reflection on the window pane itself.

Getting back to the sideburns post series, as I reached episode 5, closer to the episode's end, I did have one extra realization. It's one of my last bits of my progress in the Earthly Objects game.

Every Threshold Trick is linked to a ball invitation.

You may recall that I took note that Crowley has a lot of touches in the magic shop. As I was working on my sideburns posts, I noticed a certain cut that lingered on those who had been invited on camera for the ball invitations. I also noticed Mutt's spouse.

Then it clicked. Mutt's invitation was an invitation for him and his spouse. They are a couple who were planning to celebrate their anniversary this night. Their invitation is linked to The Door Trick. The Door Trick is actually two Tricks, a Threshold Trick and a Magic Trick. Mutt's invitation is actually two invitations, one for him and one for his spouse. Additionally, Crowley touches the door on his way into the location.

That meant that I had to look at the other five invitations to see if they linked to the other Tricks, and they did.

The Window Trick is a match to Mr. Arnold's ball invitation because of Crowley's touch on the window pane. While two Threshold Tricks are happening in this scene, neither is the findable match specifically for the ball invitation. The clue is in the dialogue, Crowley touching the window, and the mechanics in use making sure that he is still visible to Mr. Arnold for Mr. Arnold's ball invitation.

The Bigger Thresholds Trick is a match to Mrs. Cheng's ball invitation. The three thresholds are behind Aziraphale and Crowley though Heaven's is not active yet. There are traces of hints to the touches involved for the tricks.

For example, Crowley is touching Aziraphale, but he does not let go of the touch. Aziraphale does.

Shadows are relevant to the Triple, and Crowley's shadow is on Aziraphale. Also, Crowley is by an angel.

I can't find anyone switching lanes, but I can find Aziraphale switching their sides by his turning around. He did switch their sides on exit from the pub.

The Perfect Entrance Trick is a match to Justine's ball invitation because of the background humans. One is touching the actual same coffee shop door used. Others have visual touches with the other thresholds. There is a human at the door to the coffee shop who I definitely noticed. I eventually determined their Black and White had meaning, but I think I also sensed their relevance was something more...and this link for Justine's invitation to a Threshold Trick was it.

The Pocket Trick is a match to Nina's ball invitation. Crowley touches his left pants pocket, and this pants pocket touch is not part of the touches for The Pocket Trick itself. It notably uses Crowley's left hand and left pocket. Generally, his other present day pocket touches that are not in The Pocket Trick involve the right pants pocket or both pockets.

The Sunglasses Trick is a match to Crowley's special invitation to the bookshop instead of the meeting for his ball invitation. The main clue is that his invitation has the third of three special face touches he has with his sunglasses in his Earthly Objects play.

...

In the next post, we'll go over finding the simple explanation for the Heaven elevator.

The play is ridiculous and complex, but given how many months it took to get the answer, and what I'm trying to both preserve and show in this project, it makes sense to make a post about it.

We're nearly done for this series. (For reference: Trickery)

[igglemouse]

Song of the Day! New Music Friday!

I realized something...this year will be my 10th...yes, 10th year here. I'll probably make a post about it later but it has given me a thought.

I've been here a long time! I feel like a simblr elder, not sure if that is a good or bad thing but...I am surprised to have been here for so long now that I think on it. Even through some times where I wanted to quit. Each time I restarted my legacy was a moment where I felt like just quitting, except the one with the technical issues. Especially that time where a simblr I was very close mutuals with just stop interacting with me and then blocked me. It was very odd. It always made me feel like someone was saying something about me behind my back which was also odd since...I literally just post my stuff here, reblog other stuff, and try to keep positive energy. I remember thinking at the time, was it something I had done? I couldn't figure out why, I'm socially awkward so I thought maybe that was it...

When I started this simblr, nearly ten years ago, I was not in a good place. I was dealing with pretty bad depression, medicated, suicidal, the whole bit. I might have mentioned that over the years here, I doubt it because I'm pretty guarded, but I think back on it posting was the best thing I could have done then. It was a fun escape and knowing that people saw some value in my writing, even if just a little bit, really helped and it pushed me more and more into writing, which was a good thing. It was something I could focus on. I discovered through this that I have this ability to write and write a lot and here I could play out any story idea I had and I've always had so many come and go.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this one! Sometimes, I just have a thought and it turns into something longer. I would say I'll be here ten years longer but honestly who knows?! I think that's more on tumblr than myself lol as I do love tumblr but I hope there's a better platform in that time to migrate to.

I will say, to all the people that complimented me. That said I inspired them to do this or that, reached out to me, to even those that complimented my writing. Even those that did so and seemed really into my stories until just randomly unfollowing and ignoring me...well, no take backs! I've absorbed all the nice and positive thoughts. Not that they would be reading this any way lol.

So, I guess if you wonder "Why does she keep saying stuff like that!" I guess that's why, maybe its being dramatic but since tumblr/simblr played such a big role in me writing in general I know it meant a lot to me when people have shown me love in any kind of way. Taking things a day at a time is also important to my mental I guess that's why I've always tried to post daily. It's something I've been told years ago to always look forward to something tomorrow and keeping my little legacies going is one small thing in my life that has been pretty consistent.

So yeah! Ten years here will be a cool achievement! If I have the time and have the health maybe ten more years! I feel like even if I became a millionaire I'd still be posting >.< and that millionaire thing is ahem...might be a possibility...life is much better for me now then when I started doing this!

OH! For those new followers, sorry, I do this like 2-4 times a month. I do used my SOTD posts for venting, ranting, talking, whatever!

Also Maria and Araceli tomorrow!

It's always too early to quit. ~ Norman Vincent Peale

[dreki-fern]

vent post joy

life has been so isolating lately, i'm lowkey starting to just move on from people, it's very hard to trust or make connections with them

i'm starting to ask myself, have people really been there for me?

who really are they as people? and realizing how they made me feel was just, gross and not okay at times

i'm tired of being around people who are unhealthy

I didnt realize its done alot of damage to me

this goes for people I had deep connections with for many many years since 2013, as well as people I tried being friends with through people I knew in early mid 2023

it's been very hard this past year and months

even before this

it's hard for me to make a life for myself or make friends no matter how hard I try

it's hard for me to see people and hear from others about the life they are living when I don't have much at all

I don't feel normal or like them at all so it's so hard to connect and relate without feeling awkward

and it's hard with how much they pressure and push me to act a certain way or they tell me how to be/feel

partly why I want to change my name is to have a fresh start for myself

and i'm trying my hardest not to fall to suicide, i'm partly just self isolating to protect myself and not have to deal with conflict or drama

it's hard to realize oh i'm here for everyone but no one is here for me

I start therapy during December or after, I just hope I don't do something stupid to msyelf until then and just distract and stay away from social platforms (but i'll still be on tumblr ofc)

things have just been very VERY hard lately and i'm having realizations that just sink in

it makes me feel grossed out by them sometimes

sorry for typos btw, I haven't slept at all

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fic Titles W/ Beverages Masterlist

Bacon McDouble with a Pepsi (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: in a world in which the first words your soulmate says to you are inscribed upon your wrist, dan finds a mcdonald’s order on his arm

Bags Under My Eyes And Coffee In My Hands - andystanberg

Summary: Phil works at a 24/7 Starbucks and Dan just can’t get any sleep.

Been Thinking About You a Latte (ao3) - Full_Moon_Lover

Summary: You’re the cute and quiet customer that frequents the coffee shop where I’m a barista and also where my rival barista works and we’re both fighting for your attention in increasingly creative and inconspicuous ways (making foam art, writing cheesy pick-up lines on your napkin etc. etc.)

Cafe Latte (ao3) - auroraphilealis (peachrayne)

Summary: Phil’s always been that awkward boy who never quite belonged, and when he runs off to University, that doesn’t really change; he’s still that weird boy who continuously finds himself being bullied, even as the barista behind the counter. Until Dan comes along

Cake and Coffee (ao3) - swagityswag

Summary: Phil was the kind of person to get bored often, Dan and his little coffee shop helps.

Coffee At Midnight (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: A recent trauma has lead Phil to embrace a ‘try new things’ approach to his life. One of those new things is learning how to swim, and Dan is the lifeguard who’s going to teach him.

Coffee Shops and Cute Baristas - amazignphil

Summary: Coffee Shop AU with a blushy Phil and fanboy Dan.

Diet Soda Society - phanlight

Summary: dan is a lonely philosophy teacher who just needs to vent his thoughts, but not everyone understands.

Don’t Cry Over Spilt Milk (ao3) - philsdrill

Summary: Phil comes back from the doctors after finding out he’s lactose intolerant, which is hard for him to come to terms with.

Driving in the Espresso Lane (ao3) - soft_lester

Summary: Phil accidentally had too much caffeine, so he and Dan stay up playing Mario Kart.

green tea and cherry blossoms (ao3) - CapriciousCrab

Summary: Japan is lovely in the spring...

Hippo Milk Is Actually Pink (ao3) - deletable_bird

Summary: In Which Dan Is Drunk, Phil Is Also Drunk, They Hook Up, And Things Just Kind Of Go From There.

hot chocolate and marshmallows (ao3) - lilyxxxooo

Summary: A package arrives for them and Dan doesn’t know how to help. (based off Cornelia’s story of the mince pies Mrs. Lester made)

Hot Chocolate Can't Keep Me As Warm As You Do (ao3) - rainbowliguori (frickyeahfezco)

Summary: A Dan and Phil snow day leads to a heartfelt love confession. Excessive fluff.

I Like You a Latte (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Coffee Shop AU based off a tumblr post that I will link at the end bc spoliers.

lemonade sweet (ao3) - watergator (orphan_account)

Summary: dan and phil are moving out

Make Me Espresso Many Feelings (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan doesn’t like being a barista. The pay’s bad, the work’s boring and his co-workers acts like the proverbial devil sometimes. The only good thing about it is the really cute hipster that comes by sometimes.

Midnight Milkshakes (ao3) - thelandofphan

Summary: “Well, this is a different first date,” Dan initiated as they began to follow the sodden pathway ahead, “I turned up late, looking like a tramp then we ditched the original plan and now I’ve stolen your beanie when we’ve only just met. Sorry.” He concluded, sucking his lip nervously, peering towards Phil.

milkshakes and window art (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: dan works at a diner and there's one boy who always is at the diner who he can't get his mind off

Morning Tea (for you) (ao3) - FangirlOfMany57

Summary: A simple act of love can surpass the big things out there - it could be as simple as Tea.

Pineapple Juice (ao3) - Emejig16

Summary: Phil teaches Dan how to give a blowjob.

Raspberry Vodka (ao3) - dansleftboob

Summary: Teen!Phan try raspberry vodka and anal sex for the first time.

Share A Coke - nebulous-frog

Summary: Dan and Phil wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that Coca-Cola brought them together, but they couldn’t deny the significant part it played in their first meeting…

Shut Up & Drink Your Diet Soda (ao3) - lightweeds

Summary: Dan misses Phil, and ends up at his party.

Spearmint & Espresso (ao3) - blossomsphan

Summary: Scents (and cuddles) can be healing

Tea Leaves (ao3) - lowlights (orphan_account)

Summary: Dan and Phil have always been the best of friends. Recently, however, Dan's started to develop feelings for the other boy.

to coffee or not to coffee (ao3) - danhoweiis

Summary: dan doesn’t like coffee, phil works in a coffee shop. cue some awful attempts at flirting and some first dates

vodka kisses (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: "Danny, you know what we should do?" Phil asked almost shamelessly, and Dan swore that sentence broke the intimacy but he held in a laugh. "It won't be the first time, so there's nothing to be scared of."

[pandaemoanium]

random vent under the cut about using english as a non-native speaker

a lot of the time i feel very self-conscious whenever i speak or write in english. even though i'm not *bad* at english i can still feel the language barrier holding me back at times. the way i talk and write can be very stiff and it really sticks out, at least to me, and it sometimes makes me feel very stupid.

i can feel the lack of vocabulary and skills hindering my ability to show how i truly feel or think in certain situations and it's frustrating as hell. i know i'm not an idiot. i know that in finnish i'm (usually) a pretty smart person, but in english i sometimes feel like a fucking toddler trying to get a simple point across. the way i talk can also be very awkward because i have to pause *a lot* to find the right words, and i can just *feel* my brain buffering like a fucking youtube video trying to keep up with what i'm trying to say. having to translate everything in your head on the spot can get very exhausting. add chronic anxiety and somewhat lacking social skills into the mix and oh god oh fuck i feel like i can't communicate with people at all sometimes

i use english every single day, most days even more than finnish, whether it's being online scrolling through tumblr or reading articles etc, playing video games, watching shows and movies, chatting with my american boyfriend or my online friends from all around the world. even the UI on my phone/game consoles/etc is in english. i constantly try to improve in hopes of being able to say that i've become "fluent" in english or whatever but idk, i feel like i've hit my skill cap a long time ago and i just can't get any better and it frustrates me so much. i just want to be able to convey my feelings and thoughts as clearly as possible but so much of it seems to quite literally get lost in translation. i hate feeling incompetent and stupid aaaaaaaaaaaaa

i don't think i have the energy to even start talking about how the way i speak english as a non-native speaker can be really weird to a native speaker because of the way i was taught british english but i've also learned american english through media etc and how bc of that i've picked up words and phrases from all over the place so my english is just a weird amalgamation of british mixed with american english from all over the country

i had a point in all this but i forgot abt it a long time ago so this turned into a random vent post lol, thanks for coming to my ted talk i guess

[myopicry]

a spiteful little rant about petty real life circumstance~

picking the absolute worst time to peak as I essentially fully start a new role as management for a very "queer" organization (it's like a school sponsored writing publication) on my campus...whoops! in my defense, I had yet to peak when I applied for the job and got it, and was actively still seeking to transition. ironically though, right after I got hired, that's when all the fun catalysts for my peakening happened! the universe plays funny games sometimes with timing.

anyway...the point of this relentless blogposting is that my boss/head of management is a self defined "transfemme" who I watched actively go from they/them to she/her in the span of a few months, and I have just had the fascinating reveal (not shocking, really) that they are a "lesbian" and apparently, this is well known among the management to where people joke their entire personality is being gay and talking about lesbians and man. I really hate to be like this but. it's a little awkward to watch someone who isn't female define themselves with being such a "lesbian" !!! again, what a fun nod from the universe that the second I accept my own same-sex attraction, but I still have all this damn baggage from trying to repress it for so long as well as a new profound loneliness based off my opinions being very isolating from my peer group, I am immediately confronted with the exact concept that I have just been peaked on!! wow!! and especially since I still struggle with even thinking of myself as a lesbian since I've had such dumb, incidental, regrettable and based-on-insecurity experiences with men, watching someone categorically not same-sex attracted be so flippantly defined as the gayest of all gays and so quirky for liking to kiss girls (I'm not mad at all that I'm basically stuck in the closet due to my family situation/location in the states and will probably never be able to be so casual with my attraction because a lot of the people around me still see it as unnatural haha <- lying about not being mad)

worst part and maybe the objectively whiniest and pettiest part of this post is this person apparently is poly and has multiple girlfriends! which they brag about! oh boy!

it all just reminds me of how I used to just not know about any of this, but now I can't help but notice how casual jokes like "I like girls in a lesbian way" are made by trans women online, and how...weird...it feels? yknow, I just want to actually let myself feel love for once after a whole teenage saga of disassociating myself from my body and subjecting myself to degrading relationships because I thought that was the only way I could live, and be in a relationship that makes me feel what everyone else feels so damn easily because the world is catered towards their desires and not mine! but sure, I guess these quirky amabs can just suddenly become so gay and sapphic and whatnot just with a simple change of the pronouns and somehow become the face of the identity I can still barely stand to claim from my lack of experiences but one that eats me up inside with the pain of unfulfillment regardless!

okay, I'm clearly losing the thread here and I admit this is fully written from an impulsive, spite-fueled reaction, but what's an anonymous tumblr blog for if not making my problems everyone's problem because I obviously can't vent about this in real life! in a way, this is better than letting the resentment fester? I can just vent it out and subject my lovely followers to maybe seeing this? wow, I love tumblr.com?

if you did read this, you're a damn saint and I hope you have an amazing whatever time of day it is where you live <3

[mister13eyond]

Any tips on how to silence the "don't tell people you feel sorry/you wish them to get better/you understand them because if you do you're the most tactless inconsiderate monster to walk on earth and you should feel bad for yourself" voices in my head?

Because me growing up on tumblr meant that teenage me had internalized all the poor counseling tips HARD and every time somebody opens up to current me I enter a stupor because wow, what do I say to them? Surely they'll hate me if I say I'm sorry

And like, from personal experience, how many times have I flipped out at people who told me they're sorry or everything will be alright when I opened up to them? That's right, zero. And how many times have I re-read my awkward tumblr lingo ridden attempts at counseling and thought to myself "damn this is the most awkward thing I've ever said. I should have told them something like "I feel you, everything will be alright". It would have been a lot better I think."? Wayyyy too many

BOY OH BOY DO I FEEL THIS PAIN ANON, im shaking both your hands because this one is HARD and i still haven't fully managed to turn that part of my brain off weeps

in my case i think it comes from being the person that apologized for everything, and then got scolded for apologizing, so i turned around and tried to stop saying "i'm sorry" reflexively and Way Overcorrected

but yeah i'm right there with you- when i open up to friends and they tell me "i'm sorry" or "it's gonna be ok" i never think twice about it, i know they care and are listening to me and want to console me. but when i do it? oh no, not allowed

HOWEVER i have been trying to do things a bit differently to work around that bad reflex so maybe it will help you too!

personally, i think part of my approach has been going "what do I actually want and/or need when i am opening up to someone?" and part of it has been going "what do i MEAN when i say 'i'm sorry' to a friend opening up to me?"

for the first part, usually what i really NEED is just like, for someone to genuinely listen, for me to feel heard, and for someone to say they understand! like, i don't frequently come to my friends expecting Solutions or Counseling- they're not my therapist and i'd never ask them to be, I don't need them to give me sagely advice or solve everything because, well. we're all a bunch of mentally ill queers struggling through life and trying their best and i don't think they'll be able to magically solve all my problems because most of them have the same problems i do! i really just want someone to listen, to go "yeah that IS unfair" or "you're right, that IS really hard" and then tell me they care about me and they hope it will get better soon.

for the second part it really ties into the first- a lot of the time when i would apologize after a friend vented to me it didn't really mean "i am personally responsible for this problem and i am apologizing for it", it meant "that sucks and i wish it wasn't happening to you". so i've kinda just... started saying the latter? like i mentioned above, i really just want to know my friends understand and care about me when i'm struggling, so i've tried to do the same when i can by just like.... validating what someone is saying. "yeah you're right that WAS an unfair way for your manager to treat you" or "god it's fucking hard when mental illness acts up like that and you're understandably struggling under it!" or "i wish all this wasn't happening to you and i hope you catch a break soon because you deserve it." i can't, like, counsel someone because i'm not a trained professional and i don't want to mess things up worse, but i CAN say "you're right, that sucks, i love you and i get why it's making you feel [stressed/upset/angry/etc]" and "i care about you a lot and i hope things get better soon"

it's hard!!! changing a reflex like that super ingrained in you is hard. i kinda started using workarounds like this so that i could... trick my brain? "well, you didn't actually use THE WORDS "i'm sorry" so it doesn't count" (even though i just rephrased the sentence to say what i mean when i say sorry without actually using sorry)

i wish you the best of luck!!! wanting to be good to people and give them what they need when they open up to you or rely on you IS genuinely hard but i also so badly want to be good to the people i love too, so i think it's worth it. here's to hoping we both get it figured out ;o;

[sttoru]

Girly idk how I wasn't following you still, tumblr isn't stupid, I'm sorry that you are feeling on the outskirts of the fandom as well. You are a wonderful person and writer, and I'm glad you’ve been growing as you have been. You deserve so much more love!! 💕

It does make me feel like there is something wrong with me or like in off putting when i see several big blogs talking to each other, boosting each other. But then I drop in, just say hi to be friendly, only to be ignored. When they are literally responding to various anons or other people.

It seems like they want to talk to everyone else but me. Which has me feeling like I'm in the wrong, I'm bothersome and unwanted in the fandom space. They don't have to talk to me, but my feelings are still gonna be hurt at being shunned by 90% of the blogs I try to interact with.

It does kill my motivation since I don't want to be seen as someone who just posts. I want to be seen as a friend and someone to talk to.

I understand that some people get along better than others. But damn so many people are having this problem it seems like. It's boiling down to popular blogs like other popular blogs, boost other popular blogs and they stay the main people in the fandom eyes whole everyone sits quietly in the side just wanting to be partly including

Feel free to rant right back if need be. Cause I get needing to get this shit off your chest, cause I sure as hell needed to

hiii feyyy !!! dwww, it’s all good :> thank u sm for ur nice words aaaaaaa u r as well, one of the writers on here that i respect 4 their hard work !

gonna vent a bit haha need to get some things off my chest too like u said;

i get ur first point!! it sucks rlly. especially when you are the first one reaching out (which takes a lot of courage, especially for someone socially awkward like me lol) and then it hurts DOUBLE because you get ignored. i get ittttt rlly. for me, i always try to reply ppl even if im a bit late because im either thinking of a proper response or am distracted or busy , but i never intentionally ignore anyone interacting with me. i know some ppl on here do bcs they don’t feel entitled to respond to comments or anons or whatev, which is like ? ok. but if it’s someone just being friendly and complimenting you / your work … it’s not hard to reply w a form of gratitude . some rlly think they’re celebrities on here and it needs to stop

and it’s understandable and totally valid to feel like you’re being shunned and unwanted by people you just want to befriend , only for them to ignore you / not interact with you but with everyone else :/ it sucks and ppl don’t seem to realise that it could hurt other’s feelings. i hope you know that you’re not unwanted tho! those people are just… idk, a bit weird (ofc im only talking abt people who INTENTIONALLY ignore others)

findjng a friend on tumblr with the same interest is like a chore. you either click instantly or you think you do, only for it to be fore 2 interactions max and then you go back to ignoring each other basically on dash

AND YOUR LAST POINTS!! so true. its that the more popular blogs just stick together and help each other out when ??? there are smaller blogs of writers / artists just sittng in the sidelines like ‘ok so what do i have to do to gain traction if the people with a bit of bigger platforms are totally ignoring me & my works’

it’s actually tiring. ofc, me having 3k followers — i am suuuuper grateful, not complaining much, but i also know how it feels. my notifications are super dry except for mainly likes, my dms are like a desert, inbox is 98% only of anons who drop requests and then leave without leaving anything else. no one to talk to, except for people who leave a comment every once in a while :/

like u may think bcs i have decent following i actually gain more interactions? not rlly. only likes & sometimes reblogs w tags. that’s all really, i don’t really have anyone on here who i consider a close online friend (as much as this sounds sad & cringy LMAOO) but its tiring to see everyone be so close to each other on dash while im on the side like ‘how nice it must be to get that much interaction’

& im sure there are people who r gonna say ‘just interact with them’ I DO and i either get left on read or they respond dryly / or i don’t get the same energy back. bcs sometimes im reluctant to reach out first because it always ends up w me taking the initiative & i end up looking desperate to get an interaction with a mutual LOL

anyways thinking abt this tumblr writing community makes my head ache bcs of all the things ive seen and experienced on here (also on my prev account which i had for 2 years)

[shinyzango]

Genuine question, coming from an artist, writer and new user of Tumblr.

How you interact with people on the platform? It seems easy but somehow I get really anxious trying pull the move. Hell! I’m even asking you anonymously about a simple advice. I’ve seen you make contacts and acquaintances here Tumblr with other artist on the platform. The anxiety might come from being afraid of being judge or even harass to no returning point but genuinely, I wanna know (I’m very eager to write my own pokepastas, aus and much more).

You don’t have to answer this since your blog has any really about that, just need a small advice to know how to “surf” here.

- DLC.

Well to be completely honest, I'm the last person you should ask that dkfgjnsdkgb

As much as I've made a lot of friends on here, I'm still shy as hell when it comes to actually interacting with someone. If I do it's usually after a long time of me following them. But it's mainly a me thing, I need time to get comfortable with a person and see if they're someone I'm comfortable talking to.

And to be fair, I should return being more active publicly. I used to be a lot more open and chatty in the past (even tho it was mainly for venting and such, which I stopped doing because I don't want to spread negativity anymore). Hopefully I'll return being more active soon.

Anyways uuuh I got lost in my own stuff, let me get back on track.

My advice is to do your thing, just have fun. Look around. Share and enjoy that you love. Leaving comments in the tags or even in replies will do a lot to help break that ice on the long run.

But in my opinion the golden rule is to not rush things. Get yourself comfortable first. Know your limits. If you're sharing your content, do it because you want to share it, not to have people talk to you. It sounds dumb but it's a really important point to keep in mind.

As for the anxiety over being judged or harassed, I know that feeling, and the advice I can give you is to take a breather and just be yourself. As long as you are honest, things will eventually click. And if it doesn't, then it's no big deal. You won't click with everyone, and that's ok.

But take my advices with a pinch of salt, this all comes from someone who is generally socially awkward and takes a lot of time to get comfortable enough to speak to strangers and/or in new environments.

I still hope this long rambling managed to help out even a tiny bit :'D

[allthebestcowboyshavedaddyissues]

how many works do you have on ao3?

41! there’s a couple i’m getting ready to go up though

what's your total ao3 wordcount?

223,077

what fandoms do you write for?

currently: fall out boy/bandom rpf, lost, smallville, supernatural (& rpf for that also)

top 5 fics by kudos

there’s actually two beds (supernatural rpf)

The California Effect (supernatural)

Superficial (supernatural)

After the Beep (supernatural)

love times five (smallville)

do you respond to comments?

usually all of them:)

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

damn this is like a competition ummmm…Bite or Semper Fidelis & Armageddon in Clay Motion or Doors, hard to say?

what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

pfftttt. Something Familiar, Something New & Dean Smith’s Guide to Happy Holidays (With Bloodplay)

do you get hate on fics?

once

do you write smut?

rarely but yea, prefer reading to writing in that area

craziest crossover?

Lost x The ‘Burbs from lostoween. Insanely awesome.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of!

have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

have you co-written a fic before?

@obsessivedaydreamer YES!

all time favorite ship?

GAH um peterick. long years of rpf brainrot but my first tumblr account was dedicated to dan and phil so!

what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

those are fighting words because i SWEAR i will finish it but Superficial. it deserves more attention because i still find the concept great i just haven’t felt drawn to it since i actually posted it unfortunately

what are your writing strengths?

i think i tend to keep things in character, or i try my best to, anyway. i think endings should pack a punch or hold some weight so i try to make everything i write have an ending i’m proud of even if i don’t like the project much overall. i think my humor is pretty good! a bit over the top in crack fics but i like it that way depending on the vibe i’m going for!

what are your writing weaknesses?

smut always feels SO awkward even though everyone says its fine i just haven’t gotten over the hump yet LOL. sometimes i feel myself losing velocity midway through and i hate that because i love when EVERY part of a story is interesting. also, internal dialogue when writing in third person / multiple points of view.

thoughts on dialogue in another language?

haven’t done it yet. kind of dread ever doing it. i think it’s great though!

first fandom you wrote in?

😬😬😬 i think winx club possibly? i don’t really remember but i deleted my old dan/phil and harry potter works off ao3 in 2016 i think

favorite fic you've written?

can i talk about vent again. please. pretty please. i reread that one OFTEN because it blows my mind that i wrote it? it’s not fanfic-y and i love that about it (nothing wrong with that OBVIOUSLY i have no problem with ridiculous crack i just like how different it feels for me). semper fidelis remains a strong favorite because i love character studies & projecting 🩵 doors/ACM for lost because those made me feel like i was on fire when writing.

tagged by the lovely arizona but free/open tag for anyone who wants to do it!