#i still eat bc i don't want to die but like. it's hard to stomach and i can't enjoy it

[phoebespenglers]

well i think i know why this is happening to me now.

[dumbass-duo-showdown]

DUMBASS DUO SHOWDOWN ROUND 3 BATTLE 1

MONKEY D LUFFY & RORONOA ZORO (aka zolu) VS SHAWN SPENCER & GUS

PROPAGANDA

ZOLU

I could rant about them for actual hours but like it's so hard to put thoughts down. But literally an actual quote was someone telling Zoro that "you promised you wouldn't cause trouble" and Zoro replies, EXACT WORDS, "I had no choice because I ran into Luffy." There was also an exchange where Zoro was giving Luffy food and Luffy warns him it might be poison while eating it and Zoro is just like "huh, so that's why my stomach was hurting". They also both swung from vines once and BOTH decided to Tarzan yell. They agreed it was a requirement. Also, Luffy once said he didn't wanna be a hero because heros would share their meat and he wants all of it, and Zoro entirely separately says the SAME THING BUT WITH BOOZE INSTEAD. There are so many examples of them sharing a single braincell. More than I could ever list. But those are the examples I thought of off the top of my head.

On the surface, Zoro seems to have some common sense, and only follows Luffy’s dumb schemes out of respect. Then Nami joins and you realize that Zoro’s seriousness IS his dumbassedness. He and Luffy have one track minds for their own goals and wants, and while they may clash, they have a decent amount of respect for each other.

haven’t finished one piece yet but one example: zoro when stuck figured cutting off his feet would be a genius idea and luffy is luffy. there’s never any thoughts going on in that head

When I first started One Piece I thought Zoro was going to be the badass smart counterpart to the dumbass protagonist just like Vegeta or Sasuke. Turns out I couldn't be more wrong. Him and Luffy are besties and share one brain cell and even thou Zoro uses it most of the time it's still one.

They share one single braincell at the same time: after being seriously injured in a battle, one wakes up to drink sake the other to eat meat. One almost cut a Noble (which means being pursued til death by the most powerful marines), the other actually punches said Noble. One gest stuck between buildings, the other inside a chimney for absolutely unrelated reasons

Their solution to everything is to fight it. They never have a plan and just rush into everything. Somehow they are technically the leaders of the group as captain and first mate. They have both at some point attempt to cut or tear their legs or arms off to get out something. They used the same metaphor to explain why they aren’t a hero without hearing the other say it (a hero would share their meat/booze I want to keep it all to myself).

they said let us cut/punch a hole trough a giant tsunami and they did it <3 also one time they were suppossed to lay low, but well they both immediately started robbing and attacking a town and being recognized and labeled as criminals in a new country. they don't even share a braincell, whatever braincell they had before immediately leave as soon as they both are together, also King of the Pirates and World Greatest Swordsman dreamteam, also for lasagne thing not only would the house be gone, the city be burning and they are fleeing the police while also fighting the police

They're just soooo stupid. Zoro can't walk to steps without getting lost. So Luffy will yank him miles through the air to land on wood. Or stone. Or some other hard substance. Luffy would fight someone on accident for meat. And Zoro for booze. And they have no brain cells between them. Zoro new Luffy for approx. 3 seconds before he decided he would die for him. And Luffy heard about this big scary bounty hunter who was captured by marines and went. I need him on my crew. They're perfect for each other.

I dont where to begin. One of their latest feats though is them going into the enemy base, Meaning to sneak in, Luffy went in after another guy, Zoro after Luffy, luffy then Announced himself, started a fight bc ppl wasted food on purpose, ZORO hearing a commotion, SLICED THROUGH A BUILDING TO GET TO LUFFY AND THEN REPRIMANDED LUFFY FOR FORGETTING THE PLAN AND BEING UNABLE TO BE QUIET. THEN. T H E N LUFFY SAYS HE SPILT FOOD ON PURPOSE AND ZORO IS INSTANT LIKE oh ok. They gotta die. (Theres more to it but thats the gist. And thats not even. Much. They r just so stupid together <33)

they both get lost very easily, they will throw hands with anyone, very stupid but very understanding, were a 2 person pirate crew that sailed around on a rowboat, motivated entirely by fighting, meat, and sake, neither is particularly literate one time luffy got his hand stuck in a bottle and zoro tried to get it out by cutting his hand off, yes this happened in a canon episode

look, I have a tag for them that's literally #pair of idiots.

Gus & Shawn

They’ve been friends canonically since at least 3 years old and at the start of the show they’re I wanna say 30 maybe? And yet these two grown men are THE most chaotic idiots (affectionate) in the whole show (and let’s be real anywhere). The entire show in fact hinges on the idea that they’re dumbasses and WILL get into carat shenanigans. Episode examples include the one where they are investigating an alien abduction, the one where they’re looking for big foot, the vampire one, all of these by the way they hundred percent believe to be true until they themselves unwillingly prove otherwise. And maybe the most dumbass moment of all time, when Gus finds his boss dead and instead of calling the cops he gets his dna ALL OVER THE CRIME SCENE, calls Shane to help clean up and Shawn gets HIS DNA ALL OVER THE CRIME SCENE AS WELL!!!! Truly cannot think of a worse reaction to finding a dead body. They’ve been sucking that single brain cell that exists between them dry for over 3 decades now and they show no signs of stopping.

they are such idiots (affectionate) and they can't live without each other

they are. so stupid. both of them can be smart in their own ways but when you put them together the dumb best friends energy is unmatched. they are platonic soulmates pretending that shawn has psychic powers and solve crimes by dicking around and somehow always coming out alive. they accidentally befriend the criminals they’re supposed to be investigating constantly. they’re always one step away from being fired or arrested bc of their dumbassery

the entire show is literally shawn pretending to be a psychic (← dumbass behavior) and gus aiding and abetting him and actively a dumbass as well

If you have seen even a single episode of this show, you know these two fools are the best duo ever. Constantly bantering theough 80s movie references and animal like noises, most often above a dead body, these two bring unique different dummy energy that both brings each other up and builds up their own skills along the way. I will love these two men until the day I die and they deserve an honest chance to be the best dumbass duo of all time!

[thegoddessseris]

I dont know if your taking any writing requests rn but from your masterlist can you possibly by chance write about one of twdg characters having an eating disorder? (clem or vi work ^^) im asking bc im currently struggle with an eating disorder (im getting better) and if you dont want to write those i will take no offense to it! Thank you sm!!

ROTTEN FLESH

a twdg one-shot.

Summary: Clementine has trouble eating when suddenly, after being bitten, what she's been through all comes back together.

TW: death, eating disorder, basic twdg stuff. I warn you that it may be difficult to read this, people can be trigged, read at your own responsibility.

World Count: 785

A/N: I tried to express and contextualize it as best I could, I'm sorry if it's not as you imagined. I hope you're fine!

How much we have taken care of our bodies! We washed it, dressed it, looked after it, shaved it, quenched it thirst, fed it. We took it to the tailor, to the doctor, to the surgeon. We identified with this pet. We suffered together with it. With it we shouted, We loved. Of it we say: it is me. And suddenly this illusion collapses. What do we care about our body! We only relegate it to the rank of servant. All it takes is for anger to become a little more evil, for love to become inflamed, for hate to spread, for fear to become a little more present, and the conviction vanishes, with the importance of our body.

Is your partner surrounded by walkers? You will save him! Nobody can stop you. Did they bite you? You don't care.

Leave those shreds of meat as a pledge to anyone who wants them. You thought you cared so much, but instead you realize that's not the case.

The pain in the leg persisted for weeks, but over time it stopped bleeding and healed.

But the pain didn't stop.

That pain remained persistent, it remained in the shadows at the corner of the room, the ghost of my leg that I still seemed to be able to move, in the nightmares that kept me awake at night, in the smell of rotten meat that every food released.

In that feeling in my stomach, like it twisted and my sense of smell screamed every time I had food in front of me. But for some reason, they didn't seem to understand it. They thought I had a medical problem, when in reality it was very clear my mind was playing tricks on me. Lee would know how to help me.

Lee.

I often dream of him, but they are not those sweet dreams in which we are together on the train, but nightmares in which I am forced to see him die repeatedly. To see his conscience abandon his body, and his flesh prepare to rot.

And I think it's because finally, after all these hectic years, At Ericson Boarding School, we stopped and had the time and the chance to catch our breath, it all hit me at once. All the losses. All the pain. All the corpses who had rot.

''you have to eat, Clem.'' Violet repeated to me softly like a mantra. But every time I looked at the plate, I thought I saw that rotten meat, and I couldn't help but want to throw up. That feeling of disgust and hatred I felt when I looked at the rabbit meat on that plate didn't go away, no matter how hard I tried. I might as well stop trying to eat, I just couldn't.

I might as well have starve to death.

A few hours had probably passed, and Violet was sitting with me on my bed, trying in every way to get me to eat something, with little success.

''Clem, what's wrong with you? If you don't eat you won't have the strength to use crutches'' she insisted, looking at me with a worried expression. I only avoided her gaze, with my arms folded on my lap. ''Clem, talk to me''

''you…don't understand'' I replied, closing my eyes. That rotten smell was bothering me, even if it wasn't real.

Maybe it was me who was rotting away, not the food.

''then let me understand!'' said the blond haired girl next to me, in a slightly higher tone of voice. ''Talk to me Clem, please.'' she said in a pleading voice.

''After I was bitten… something in me changed. I thought I would die, that my fate would be the same as… Lee's.'' I said in a small voice, opening my eyes and sighing, still avoiding her gaze which I could clearly feel on me. ''But then AJ saved me. And we had time to rest, to be at peace. And this is what I've been waiting for my whole life, but by taking a break, by stopping running… it all came back at once, and it overwhelmed me.”

''What do you mean?'' she replied in a worried tone, and when I turned to look at her, I could see the concern on her face.

''I remember them all. All the bodies of the one who I loved.. their bodies rotting.'' I said.

''We were children, and we are thrown into a war bigger than us,'' she said softly, putting down the plate she was holding and placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

''And what does that make us?'' I said. This was the only reality I fully experienced.

Not yet corpse,

still, we rot.

If you are having a hard time, or are having trouble with an eating disorder, seek help. Talk to a trusted adult or contact an appropriate helpline in your area. You are not alone.

[downforthegas]

Little drabble I've thought of writing for a while... Wa//lly is hanging out with Ba//rn//aby, and farts in front of him for the first time... teasing ensues

CW: farts (obviously), teasing/humiliation

Barn and Wally are hanging out at Barn's house. Barn has a nice, big bed (bc of course he does) so him and Wally are able to comfortably rest on it together. Barn's sitting upright against the headboard, while Wally is lying on his stomach, just listening to his best friend. He's cuddling up against a bone-shaped pillow, a favorite of Barn's many pillows that cover the bed. He's resting his head against the top and the bottom is getting squeezed gently between his thighs.

"So I says," Barnaby started. "and then he disappeared without a tres! eheheheheheh!"

"Ha. ha. ha. That's funny, Barnaby."

"Aw, thanks pal. You're always lookin out for me."

"Well... it's what friends do... I think."

Barnaby laughs again. He continued talking and Wally continued to listen. He wasn't much for talking, so he was a great listener. This time, however, he could hardly focus. No, he wasn't disassociating like usual. At least, he wasn't trying to, but something was making him. His tummy was starting to ache. He could feel little bubbles shifting around inside of him. Clearly the chili dogs him and Barnaby had earlier were not sitting well. Barn seemed completely fine, being used to foods like that, but Wally didn't eat chili regularly so his tummy wasn't working well with it.

Wally knew what it was. He knew he was full of gas, and that he had to get it out now. But he didn't want to. He didn't want to be rude, but with the way he was positioned, with his stomach against the pillow and his legs spread slightly, it was kinda hard. It was no use fighting it. He relaxed a little and pushed out a silent, airy fart. It had to have gone on for 30 seconds straight. He felt his belly deflate and shrink as the warm air rushed out of him, into the open air and against Barn's pillow. The seat of his pants slowly warmed up as well, which admittedly felt really good, almost as good as the cramps disappearing from his midsection. He let out a slight sigh when it was over.

Then the smell hit Barn.

Wally didn't think the fart would have a smell, but then he smelled it himself. He was hoping Barn wouldn't say anything about it but-

"Whoooo!" Barnaby fanned his nose with his huge mitt. He was in the middle of talking about what Howdy was rambling about when a smell of rotten apples mixed with chili hit his nose and stopped him. "Jeez, what's that smell?"

"Oh." Wally's face was faintly orange. Hopefully he wouldn't know that was him. "Uh... I'm... not... sure..."

Barn could tell Wally was being a little suspicious. He knew a little teasing wouldn't be so bad.

"Heh. Maybe a skunk just walked past the house."

Wally's face got more orange. "Uh... maybe..."

"Actually, the egg salad in my fridge prolly went off now that I think about it." He was grinning ear to ear.

The flush on Wally's face grew to his ears. "That has to be it..."

"Oh, I know. I think something died under the house."

Wally's stomach turned as he shoved his face into the pillow. "It doesn't smell that bad!" He said into the pillow, hoping Barn wouldn't hear.

"Oh I don't know, pal," Barn continued. "I think I saw a few flowers die outside... and the paint's pealing over there... oh, I know! Maybe it's coming from you!"

Wally lifted his head, his eyes pointing downward as if he were angry and his face still orange. "Not... at... all..." Just as he said this, he accidentally push a little audible fart into the pillow. it was still muffled but both Wally and Barn could hear. Wally shoved his face back into the pillow as Barn chuckled.

"Fine... it... was... me..."

"Heh. Sorry, buddy. I kinda knew it was you."

"You did?"

"Yeah. I thought I'd tease you a little, but I didn't think you'd take it so hard. Sorry bout that."

"Oh, it's ok," Wally said as he sat up, still sitting on the pillow. "I didn't mean to... do that... my stomach was hurting so bad... I felt like I was gonna explode... I tried to hold it but-"

"Aw, don't worry about it. I actually thought it was kinda cute."

"Cute?"

"Yeah. hehe. I didn't think you could make a smell like that..." He looked over and finally realized what Wally was sitting on. He didn't seem too pleased. "...and against my favorite pillow too."

Just then Barnaby's stomach growled. He held his mitt against it in discomfort.

"Ughh!" Barn said. "I think I had too much chili." He gently lifted himself slightly off the bed and blasted a loud, long bubbling fart against the blanket. It vibrated the bed violently for a solid 10 seconds. Barn sighed and waved his mitt.

"Phew!" He exclaimed. "That's better!"

"Wow Barn..." He waved the stink away from his face. It was a little unbearable. He had never heard Barn fart before and now he never wanted to again. "That was..."

"Huge? I know." Barn said. "But we're best friends. If you wanna fart around me, go ahead. It's natural."

"You're right..." Wally said, releasing another silent toot against the pillow, this time however, the hissing of the fart was loud enough to hear, which made Wally blush a little.

"Hey! That's my pillow!" Barn exclaimed.

"Ha. Ha. Ha... ok then... have it back..." He took the pillow out from underneath him and flung the back of it into Barn's face.

"Eww, Buddy!" He laughed. Then he took the blanket that was underneath his butt and threw it on top of Wally, who retched right before pulling the blanket off, his hair coming undone.

"That was gross..." Wally said, smiling even though he got a face full of butt fumes.

"Heheheheh! Serves you right!" The two laughed. Deep down, despite how embarrassed Wally was, he was really happy. Because now he knew he could be fully comfortable around his best friend.

~

Phew, uh... I've been wanting to write this for a while. I know I've been posting a lot of WH eprocto stuff, but this is what happens when two interests combine. I can't just keep it to myself... that would be selfish lol

[ancient-reverie]

people don't seem to grasp how much stress I'm under so here's a list so I can show it to them:

Cat that has asthma needs a pill every other day. occasionally needs an inhaler at night.

Cat that has kidney disease and had a seizure Friday night.

rabbit with permanent head tilt and balance issues with an eye issue prone to uti's that takes daily medication

rabbit that suddenly started having stomach problems tonight out of the blue. rare but happens and then i have to syringe feed her every four hours until she's eating on her own again

I'm the only one on top of flea meds and vet check ups for the entire house ( 6 cats, 2 dogs, 2 rabbits)

I need to double check my dentist appointment is on the 10th and if not schedule one (I am bad at this, talking to people is hard and I have anxiety attacks on the phone. the only way to really know is via phone call)

made an appointment for an hrt related checkup which is easy but I now have to decide if I want to tell them if I wanna continue hrt or go off it (the reasons are unrelated to my gender identity)

waiting for said Dr from said gender clinic to approve refill on said hrt because I'm out. because they charged me full price but only gave me half of my refill last time.

need to move furniture in my room and clean before it makes me and the kids sick. there's rabbit pee soaked into the floor under a cat tree and under a cabinet and I just haven't been able to clean it.

also need to rearrange to give my rabbits areas more conducive to their and my existence

and to make space so my cats feel more included

feeling guilt that my oldest cat with kidney disease is dying and I haven't spent time with her like I want to because of my two other cats and her not getting along. but she's dying so what do I do

she dying what do I do? I don't want her to die in a vet office. I want her to be able to be asleep on a bed in the house and I don't know how to do that vets don't make house calls anymore

nicotine addiction

gotta give all my kids the love and affection they deserve bc any of them could get into something or have a sudden health problem and die at any moment

no one to talk to about it

have to clean my room. have to take dishes down before they grow mold. some of them I'm sure already are. this is a common occurrence.

need to do laundry. have no more clean sheets.

think the cat peed on the foot of the bed. haven't been able to really check. just keep ignoring it. it's not by my face and the cat still lays in that corner. (cat box in room makes me nose blind to cat pee a lot of the time and)

cats pee in random places of room and on their scratchers. regularly smelling cat pee in specific spots around room. sometimes it is just a hallucination.

no one can stand to listen to me list everything I have going on.

closet needs to be cleaned and sorted. things to give away and go into storage need to be hauled downstairs. (i am weak and physically not good but no one is able to help)

fish tank got a water change recently but I fear it won't last longer than a week and I'll need to take everything out and deep clean which takes me 4 ish hours bc I'm slow and it hurts

trying to find meaning and purpose in life. is art the career path I want or just a hobby? should I be writing? should I be making friends?

can't leave the house without having anxiety attacks.

not seen as myself by those around me (family) just as a conglomerate of actions. not seen for my actions and struggles by the people around me (family)

intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intru-

oh I was loading a bowl- *distracted for 15 mins* oh right I was loading a bowl- *distracted for 15 mins* fuck I'm loading a bowl *loads bowl* *distracted for 15 mins* *takes hit* *distracted for 15* *takes a hit* *distracted for 15* ADHD having ass

dissociation derealization depersonalization dissociate derealize depersonalize dddddddddddddd error

someone inside my head actually screaming and tearing at their skin with their claws

someone inside my head deciding to verbally and emotionally and physically abuse someone else in the system

someone doing drugs in the mindspace and all the issues that come with it

someone having flashbacks after being triggered

friends aren't going to text me. I keep my phone on silent. it's been silent since the beginning of the year. it's currently april. I'm used to it being silent now. it hasn't caused me to miss anything.

I have no one to talk to and therapy isn't what I crave. therapy is a fake version of what I need. I need someone to want to listen to me without being paid to do so

who has time to eat in this action economy

want to finish my games. want to finish bg3 before everyone else. before it gets spoiled. want to finish stray. want to finish doom. want to start doom eternal

want to be into vrchat more and work on my anxiety

want to finish at least the two books on my desk

who has the energy to shower and brush their teeth everyday? not this bag of bastards.

want to trim my hair. want my friends to see my long hair though

need to finish two paintings for two besties. one I don't know if I wanna continue it or start over (again for the fifth time). and one I haven't even decided on the pose for but tried to start.

one of the alters needs glasses but as you can see we are better off being in denial until we really genuinely need glasses because there's more pressing issues

relationships with family members is all we have but it is bad and idk if the family members have any idea. I think they think it's fine and have no idea that I really don't get along with them and living with them is killing me but I can't move out

gotta hide the self harm ! which is second nature to me but still a stressor

I'm not gonna buy cigarettes I have a tank mod and a small vape with replaceable pods. I'm not gonna buy cigarettes I have a tank mod and a small vape with replaceable pods. I'm not gonna buy cigarettes I have a tank mod and a small vape with replaceable pods. I'm not gonna buy cigarettes I have a tank mod and a small vape with replaceable pods.

I need a new ps4 controller so I can use my expensive console taking up room on my desk and all the games I paid for and spent hours downloading

I just wanna buy new sex toys but I don't need them and we just laid off all the credit cards and I don't have money to blow on needed things. I donated to a lot of people this year instead

it's getting hotter and I'm going to have to run my AC constantly soon but it has black mold growing in it. and you don't have to be allergic for that to be an issue but I do happen to be allergic and one of my cats has asthma. and idk how to clean take it apart, let alone do it by myself but it looks like that's gonna be what happens.

trash and recycling needs to be taken out before I go back to throwing everything on the floor like I was doing for a little bit bc it's all too much

need to pick up the mess siruss made from tearing up semi important lists we need in a fit of stress and being overwhelmed

remember to put the night guard in before laying down so you don't crush your teeth in your sleep and have to get a 3rd (4th?) crown where your molars are supposed to be

can't even be addicted to weed in so goddamn stresses but watch out! forgetting to smoke is forgetting meds and the IBS, acid reflux, ADHD, chronic full body pain, chronic specific body pain, depression, anxiety, existentialism and fatigue will getcha!

just picked up meds from vet. god it's expensive. but that's off the list now........ until it's back on the list again.

don't ask for help. they are busy, you're literally watching them be busy or have downtime to relax after being busy. oh you got the courage to ask anyway? ah they're not interested. ah yes it's too dirty/hard/inconvenient/simple and maybe you should just do it.

and now feel the many emotions associated with asking for help and being told no again. become unable to do thing you needed help with at all. or can't do it without help at all to begin with so fuck me I guess.

do whatever it is they ask you to do. even if you just asked for help and they said no, if they need you to do something you go do it and if you don't you are a bad person and will be made out as selfish and lazy and forced to feel guilt.

that dragon adoptable game luckily only needs to be kept up with every three days. unless there's an event and then at least casual grinding and dailies must be kept up with.

pokemon sleep is an addiction and I want to quit it but I'm struggling and don't know what to do bc if I have raikou I want the other two but I could literally quit right now and it wouldn't matter and I'd be a little more free please help

my oldest cat needs to be brushed more bc she can't groom herself as well nowadays and my brother can't stand having hair on him. he'll pet her and wipe is hand off and not really scratch her and I hate it so much. she has small mats here and there and I feel like a shitty parent

my rabbits need to be brushed constantly until all their mats are out from winter coat that just hasn't come out completely yet. the head tilt rabbit can't even reach most of his body to clean it.

I also have to clean their butts for the same reason

one of my cats keeps leaving small poops OUTSIDE of the litter box

my oldest with the kidney issues and my middle child cat both throw up a once or twice a week and I don't know why. the oldest has always been that way. my middle child has nothing else up with him thank fuck but this and eye gunk

I have to remember to drink water or tea or liquids more than just a few sips a day. I HAVE. TO. or I'll get a UTI. and bc I dissociate from my body sensations I won't notice the UTI until it starts hurting my kidneys and then it's crunch time to get antibiotics before I end up in the hospital which is a valid fear bc it has happened before and it almost happened a second time

can't physically do what I need without feeling sick. probably bc I can't take care of myself. which is probably bc I can't do anything without feeling ill. which is probably bc I don't take care of myself. which is probably bc i-

I'm so overwhelmed that I don't do anything I need to and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds

and I'm so overwhelmed that I start new projects and come up with new and more things to do and look for the old things I never did and never finished as well

and I'm so overwhelmed that I want to write again because nothing is in my control because there's no such thing as control because nothing matters and it's chaos and that's beautiful and I love life but I don't know what to do when I just want to pause everything but I can't pause everything and taking a break doesn't make me feel better it just lets everything build and makes me feel more on edge

dissociating isn't taking a break

and I wonder if being on Lexapro again would help but I know it wouldnt last

and I wonder if I should trip on shrooms bc it's been nearly an entire year. but I have such a limited amount and I need them for when I need them (I don't know when that is but I'll know when it happens) and the friend I got them from hasn't spoken to me in months

my go-to anxious intrusive thought is that he's dead. unfortunately that thought... well it's not as delusional as I'd like it to be. we dated for a little over a year, and then some more on and off and we even had sex this year. he is the only friend I have that lives close to me. (close is an hour and a half away)

my bestie who lives in the same state is 3 hours away. she's in school. she also has mental health struggles. she's not good at texting and she says this herself often.

I have other friends that live in the state but... I haven't spoken to them in years and I didnt ever let them in fully, and I'm afraid (I don't know what I'm afraid of)

my other besties live out of state. one is in Cali. the other is in North Carolina. I am in Texas.

the one in Cali I met online and have only met in person once. she's engaged. idk when the wedding is but im going, I'm invited of course. she's busy with work and mental health also. she used to have alters that we talked to. Sy was married to one of them

siruss dealing with pain of past relationships and trauma and everything

the NC bestie also used to have alters. siruss used to date bestie though. she's busy with work and mental health. and though we've never talked about it I feel like there's something off between us that neither of us want to touch. or maybe it's just me.

or maybe it's siruss wanting to let go and not being able to

and maybe we need to meet new friends who will see us and give us something new to think about and someone we can share stories with who won't agonize over hearing old names.

idk how to make friends anymore Im so tired and I distrust people

I'm so tired we fall asleep with the vibrator and don't even get to jerk off which trust me is not great. the nighttime endorphins dose is quite necessary to function the next day. TMI we're not a morning masturbator bc the pussy ends up wet all day and it's not sexy when there's no one to appreciate it and you're horrified about getting a UTI

I miss my chickens...

I want new tattoos before I die of stress and my body is thrown in the ground more bare than it should be.

I want to gain weight so I feel and look healthier and maybe it'll help me not feel sick and weak and in as much pain

but the kids are dying as the seconds pass and the dust is building on the shelves and the dishes are piling up and the trash is starting to smell sour and the recycling is overflowing and my desk is too cluttered to set anything down and I need to love them more and be around them more and I need to stop watching YouTube and I need to start drawing and I need to travel and I need to live life but everything costs money and nothing lasts and I'm too much for everyone that I've met but I will still love them with all my heart and I don't think it's their fault they are only humans and I'm an unspeakable amount of divine/demonic/cosmic/paranormal entities with their own traumas and lives and backgrounds and intricate details eating up my insides- do you know how long it takes to get to know one person? the answer is you never know one person- imagine that but for 6 people all vying and deserving of being known and seen

and there's genocides and wars all over the planet. and there's deforestation and poachers. and there's puppy mills and inbreeding. and there's capitalism and heteronormativity. and I can't stop thinking about Nex Benedict and Aaron Bushnell. I can't stop thinking about the BLM protests. and I can't stop thinking about the Hong Kong protests. and I can't stop thinking about China. and human trafficking. and polution. and how the news and media that most people see don't say anything important and fear monger and emotionally manipulate for views and clicks. and nothing is real and no one tells the truth and even if it is the truth no one knows for certain. you never know what really happened unless you see it with your own eyes.

and it's all a stupid game we could all decide to stop playing and simply give people food and shelter and wifi and safety and medical attention. money doesn't have to exist we can just do things for each other but everyone forgot what reality was. which is about being outside and talking with people you love.

and I'm not suicidal anymore, although I do wish to lay at the foot of a tree until it grows around and envelops me. turning my being into immortality itself and sending my consciousness into the fabric of roots pulsing across terra until im one with the gods

[stxrry-thoughts]

time line of my ed so far kasjhgkjhfg

tw: eating disorder development discussion, anorexia, orthorexia I felt like describing the development of my ed to get it off of my mind perhaps -earliest memories- My earliest memory is when I was around 6 and I asked my mother why a girl was skinnier than me. She told me she was just petite, and that I wasn't. I don't think she had rude intention though. I remember being really upset about it though bc I felt like I needed to be the skinniest person ever alkdhgljk.

Another memory was wanting to go on a diet when I was 10 bc another girl was doing it. She had "cheat days" and everything. -the beginning of it- I think what made me really develop one was when I was 11 and at a family holiday dinner wearing a tight tube dress and my uncle told me I was "starting to get a belly on me." After that I think it really started to develop.

After that I started trying to eat as little as possible and tried to eat breakfast as one meal. I didn't have a good understanding of nutrition so I would just like eat a few cheetos as breakfast and think I was gonna lose weight bc I only ate a few kajshkjhg.

It later started to become more restrictive and eventually developed into orthorexia too.

I started to get into health and fitness and of course found bullshit health advice. Then I started to get confused bc I couldn't eat fats bc those are "high calorie" but I can NEVER eat a carbohydrate bc those will "pack on the pounds!!" so guess I'll just live off of fucking chicken!! My understanding of nutrition was so bad I would absolutely SOB bc I ate too much broccoli, broccoli is like one of the lowest calorie foods akldhglkhjg. I started to work out, at first it was mostly hiit but later got into weight lifting. At first it was really unhealthy, I would over exercise at any cost and would "earn" food with it, and it was the end of the world if I didn't exercise. Trying to be as thin as possible and feeling like I wasn't muscular enough was a HUGE struggle. -getting into recovery- I eventually found better health and nutrition advice and started to understand it more and have a healthier relationship with it. I started weightlifting more and trying to eat healthier for my own health and happiness. -current times- I still struggle with certain things but I am much happier and healthier. I don't feel like I'm gonna fucking die at any moment anymore!! I focus on eating healthily to make me happy and feel good and "avoid" the foods that genuinely make me feel physically not good bc they upset my stomach. I focus on weight lifting to get stromg. I am also in tae kwon do now and it's been a challenge but it's fun!

What I typically struggle with currently is eating around people or public, worrying about dumb peoples opinions, some foods and body image still. I tend to be scared to rest sometimes and eat certain foods but I am still in recovery and will continue to grow. I don't believe perfect is a thing and we can always healthily improve in someway! -notes- I believe in you. Recovery is a bitch but is a painful, depressed, and disordered life worth it? There's more to life than that. I believe in you. Take small steps, aim to improve just a little bit each day, 0000.1% better is better than 0% better and it adds up. But progress isn't linear so don't be hard on yourself about mess ups, we learn from mistakes. If anyone needs anything my dms are open and remember you are loved and capable and will grow and improve! Don't give up, challenge makes you stronger but make sure to also rest! (x^v^x)

[pinkpruneclodwolf]

I feel like maybe their inactivity comes in hand with the fact that Yuu comes from a different dimension and think that they're immune to the laws of their world (Crowley) or that they actually don't know that Yuu is from another dimension and therefore isn't actually immune to blot (the rest of the staff). I feel like even magicless humans in twst do have cores in them even if they dont have or can't use magic. Since their bodies have evolved and they technically need cores to regulate the magic that wizards have and are in the air and the inevitable blot that comes along with it.

Crewel is the first one who most definitely notices the change in Yuu and is the one who first took action but only dismissed it as a blot build up (which he isnt wrong about so to speak) but he only orders Yuu to rest up and assign someone into making sure they eat properly which isnt bad if this was a normal situation but it's exactly where he went wrong. Sam is the one who picks up next thank to his "friends" but is unable to do much since he's not too sure on what to do (and the uncertainty that he might make it worse leaves a pit of nerves in his stomach) and he knows that even if he tries to ask someone for help they'll just dismiss him so he can only watch as Yuu's health begins to deteriorate...

As for Vargas and Trein they actually had their suspicions at first but it isnt when Yuu starts having more... sickly symptoms is when the feeling of dread starts kicking in for the both of them. I actually have a hc that Vargas can't use magic too much bc his core is sort of fractured that's why he's so adamant on muscle building for his students so at the very least IF they're unable to use magic they'd be able to keep themselves safe. Trein has read of cases similar to Yuu but he didn't realize it would be this bad.

Ah, Crowley---deadbeat father of 200+ children. What in the fuck were you thinking? I feel like he never expected this and was sort of ignorant to it until the very last moment where everything has gone to shit because the blot---while magic waste is still magic---blinded him from actually seeing what's going on add that with his ignorance and you've got a whole shit storm. So i feel like thats why Yuu managed to hide their situation from everyone who didn't pay attention to hard for so long bc they were actively making sure none of them saw until the last minute when everything became too much for them.

But like that's my opinion wbu?

But magicless people having a magical core could explain why they, historically, Yuu's situation is rare. If they already have a back up making sure that when facing the brunt of magic they aren't going to die (i realize Yuu has zero resistance to magic when thinking in game terms, a fire ball could literally kill them)

Magicless people need some form of resistance built up especially considering that evolution and such would make sure that each species magicless population does not die out, the probability of a magician breeding with another magician and not getting a magicless baby is low but never zero.

Crowley don't be using his lil pea brain unless theirs money dangling in front of it—but you're right about the Staff not knowing or Crowley believing that Yuu might be immune.

And he wouldn't be far off considering they managed to live on for that long without dying from a stray magic spell or a wild swing of OB magic.

I've also noticed that its easier to hide obvious signs that you aren't okay by playing it off or making up a lie—Yuu can be a good pretender when they want (need) to be.

Vargas having a cracked core actually suits him, I think Trein would've gotten clued in by Lucius, animals have a preternatural sense of who has a serious disease and will be more attentive that person—

LEONA

He specializes in Ancient Curses, no way in hell would Cat Daddy 3000 not have some inclination that Yuu wasn't daijoubu, Ruggie or Jack for that matter! Jack would definitely hang around more often, which might become a source of jokes but when you think about how serious it is or that Yuu is essentially deteriorating...

Yeah, nothing's funny anymore.

Sam getting clued in but worrying if speaking up would help is some angst potential for the Gods. Especially told in increments, he notices small things but doesn't comment. Yuu doesn't frequent as much but when they do it's for medicine, they look sick. And then they just stop showing.

UGHHHH SAM I AMMMM—

You capture the staff pretty well and explained them to me cause I'm always sideeyeing them whenever the kids get hurt, or Yuu's health being put in jeopardy, like yeah I know NRC isn't full of good people but a quick glance at Yuu and they might be able to get them the help they need.

But that's what Yuu's OB is for yall! Its about the venting, miscommunication, airing out grievances in order to finally get that sweet sweet cotton candy flufff

[enbies-and-felonies]

and tbh. i dont think i told u before but these past few months? the past year or two or something however long it's been since i found out i'm queer have just been so fucked and like obv for other things too but also in a major way bc there's no. love here for queerness. like..... i, ok, i have my brother, but that's all i have and he doesn't even like the concept of the lgbtq+ community bc he hates labels and yk what valid? but its just been like. it didn't go over well with one of my closest friends and then i couldn't deal with that and stopped talking to her and don't know how to start again and i don't talk to any of the three queer religious friends i have anyway and then there's just my family who r astoundingly homophobic and. i hate that it's all pushed me away from God? sometimes it's like i open my eyes and he's just so far away and i don't know how to move? and i really just..... like. somewhere i Know that it doesn't matter like we talk about all the time but if the only reassurance i have that it's okay is like, my aunt is friends with a woman who has a girlfriend? it's just so shit and i'm so tired dude. like. i want to come home so bad!!!! but i just feel like i can't!!! like it's entirely hypocritical to u just saying today that people cannot affect your individual relationship w God but i think i am letting it or that it is in some way and i'm just like. well now i just want a hug from someone who at the very least doesn't want to throw queerness out into cold dark space to freeze and die.

oh love,,,,,, i completely understand. it is. it is so hard because you're so isolated and even some of the people who should be there for you just. aren't.

and honestly i don't even think it is hypocritical to say that 1. what other people think abt your faith can't actually do anything abt it BUT. 2. it can still affect it? because like. church is meant to be a community, right? and when it's Not A Community it can just. poison christianity

even when you don't want it to and even when you're aching for the love it still. it's meant to provide love and then it doesn't and it. eats at you and makes you bitter and you WANT love and you want TO love but you aren't loved by your own community so How can You Love when the people who are supposed to Be Love to you... aren't?

on one hand i want to give love to every single fucking queer christian kid out there because i know. i know it hurts and i KNOW it's lonely and i want to give them a place to feel loved but. but *i'm* still not getting that love?

it's like we have to take the smallest scraps of representation where we can get it like. like going to a coffeeshop with a gay pride flag in the window with your sister and knowing like. you might not get to be out and you might not be being loved in the open but at least she didn't make a derogatory comment and yeah. it's fucking the bare minimum but you take what you can get and like. the church shouldn't be like that.

the church shouldn't be bare minimum enough love to scrape by and when it is, or when it's toxic,,,,, it just. it fucks US over and it hurts like hell and i want to love God with everything i have but honestly sometimes i look at the people around me being christians and it makes my stomach turn because that's the example for "who i'm supposed to be like" and i couldn't bare to be like that so. so. yeah.

[dumbass-duo-showdown]

Propaganda for Zoro & Luffy

I could rant about them for actual hours but like it's so hard to put thoughts down. But literally an actual quote was someone telling Zoro that "you promised you wouldn't cause trouble" and Zoro replies, EXACT WORDS, "I had no choice because I ran into Luffy." There was also an exchange where Zoro was giving Luffy food and Luffy warns him it might be poison while eating it and Zoro is just like "huh, so that's why my stomach was hurting". They also both swung from vines once and BOTH decided to Tarzan yell. They agreed it was a requirement. Also, Luffy once said he didn't wanna be a hero because heros would share their meat and he wants all of it, and Zoro entirely separately says the SAME THING BUT WITH BOOZE INSTEAD. There are so many examples of them sharing a single braincell. More than I could ever list. But those are the examples I thought of off the top of my head.

On the surface, Zoro seems to have some common sense, and only follows Luffy’s dumb schemes out of respect. Then Nami joins and you realize that Zoro’s seriousness IS his dumbassedness. He and Luffy have one track minds for their own goals and wants, and while they may clash, they have a decent amount of respect for each other.

haven’t finished one piece yet but one example: zoro when stuck figured cutting off his feet would be a genius idea and luffy is luffy. there’s never any thoughts going on in that head

When I first started One Piece I thought Zoro was going to be the badass smart counterpart to the dumbass protagonist just like Vegeta or Sasuke. Turns out I couldn't be more wrong. Him and Luffy are besties and share one brain cell and even thou Zoro uses it most of the time it's still one.

They share one single braincell at the same time: after being seriously injured in a battle, one wakes up to drink sake the other to eat meat. One almost cut a Noble (which means being pursued til death by the most powerful marines), the other actually punches said Noble. One gest stuck between buildings, the other inside a chimney for absolutely unrelated reasons

Their solution to everything is to fight it. They never have a plan and just rush into everything. Somehow they are technically the leaders of the group as captain and first mate. They have both at some point attempt to cut or tear their legs or arms off to get out something. They used the same metaphor to explain why they aren’t a hero without hearing the other say it (a hero would share their meat/booze I want to keep it all to myself).

they said let us cut/punch a hole trough a giant tsunami and they did it <3 also one time they were suppossed to lay low, but well they both immediately started robbing and attacking a town and being recognized and labeled as criminals in a new country. they don't even share a braincell, whatever braincell they had before immediately leave as soon as they both are together, also King of the Pirates and World Greatest Swordsman dreamteam, also for lasagne thing not only would the house be gone, the city be burning and they are fleeing the police while also fighting the police

They're just soooo stupid. Zoro can't walk to steps without getting lost. So Luffy will yank him miles through the air to land on wood. Or stone. Or some other hard substance. Luffy would fight someone on accident for meat. And Zoro for booze. And they have no brain cells between them. Zoro new Luffy for approx. 3 seconds before he decided he would die for him. And Luffy heard about this big scary bounty hunter who was captured by marines and went. I need him on my crew. They're perfect for each other.

I dont where to begin. One of their latest feats though is them going into the enemy base, Meaning to sneak in, Luffy went in after another guy, Zoro after Luffy, luffy then Announced himself, started a fight bc ppl wasted food on purpose, ZORO hearing a commotion, SLICED THROUGH A BUILDING TO GET TO LUFFY AND THEN REPRIMANDED LUFFY FOR FORGETTING THE PLAN AND BEING UNABLE TO BE QUIET. THEN. T H E N LUFFY SAYS HE SPILT FOOD ON PURPOSE AND ZORO IS INSTANT LIKE oh ok. They gotta die. (Theres more to it but thats the gist. And thats not even. Much. They r just so stupid together <33)

they both get lost very easily, they will throw hands with anyone, very stupid but very understanding, were a 2 person pirate crew that sailed around on a rowboat, motivated entirely by fighting, meat, and sake, neither is particularly literate one time luffy got his hand stuck in a bottle and zoro tried to get it out by cutting his hand off, yes this happened in a canon episode

look, I have a tag for them that's literally #pair of idiots.

[ultraclops]

Semi-Live Blogging: Finale Time!

With reaction images this time!

Adoradad

TRAINING EXERCIIISE

Adorabat's practicing her screaming! Bet that's gonna come in handy later.

"Fneh!" Wow what an introduction Eugene

His design is like? Really cool?? He looks practically nothing like Adorabat tho. And why does he have a spade on his stomach instead of a heart??

Badgerclops drew him with a giant ass mustache lol.

Adorabat takes banjo lessons? More importantly, Eugene thought she was at a banjo lesson FOR 8 MONTHS?!

"She scares me" lol

Adorabat ran away from home? Why?

"I thought you were a ward of the state!" Remember when everyone thought Adorabat was an orphan? Yea.

"I thought you were my conscience!" Badgerclops...you've lived with Adorabat for a year...went to her school...AND YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS A PIECE OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS?!

...why did Badgerclops use Adorabat as monster bait...

I expected to hate Eugene but he's actually really cute and interesting?? Aside from the fact he thinks Mao Mao & Badgerclops are criminals. Love to see him again sometime!

Wow her dad has a whole badass mansion!! Why doesn't she just stay there...

Oh...her mom died...that's why he's so protective of her and was so upset when she left. Also her mom looks amazing & I wanna see a flashback episode with her. For some reason I can imagine her sounding like a deeper version of Scoops?

Aww Adorabat's room is super cool! Also Eugene cracking the door for her asfgjkl

"Do you think that monsters attacking the city are gonna - wait, does that have peanut butter in it? " (Cuts to MM & BC eating ice cream while crying) That's a perfectly rational reaction to losing your adoptive daughter

"I can keep it together!" (Cut to Mao Mao trying and failing to shovel ice cream in his mouth with his helmet on) NSADGEDHAMADH

Wait a second. Mao's eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. ISN'T CHOCOLATE TOXIC TO CATS?!

"But you said I was part of the team!!" "Then you're...off the team."

Adorabat crying while showing Eugene the picture OUCH MY HEART...

"I used to go exploring in those caves with Mom all the time..." I'm guessing those are the caves from the promo?

"She wasn't afraid of anything!" " Well Adorabat definitely takes after her mother...

"And then one day, Sonara didn't come back with you." Ooh her name's Sonara!! Pretty!! I can't tell if they chose it cuz it sounds like Sonar or because it means "pleasant sounding"

Glad to see Adorabat's still a die-hard metal fan, even with Eugene

Oof Mao isn't taking this well at ALL if he's pretending Adorabat's molt is her...

OOH SHIT ADORABAT RAN OFF TO THE CAVES - wait a minute no she didn't. OH NO EUGENE WENT TO THE CAVES

Ooh there's Sonara's looking glass, bet that's gonna be important

Yay Adorabat saved her dad!

Damn Adorabat must be super traumatized after basically watching her mother die. No wonder she tried to murder Boba-Chan!

Oh the only way to stop the monster is by screaming!

(Mao Mao hears Adorabat scream) "ADORABAT?!" ADOPTIVE DAD POWERS ACTIVATE

Ooh her mother's figure appears over her when she says she's not afraid of anyone...maybe her spirit's inside of her or something?

REVENGE TIME BAYBEY

HOLY SHIT ADORABAT FUCKING MURDERED THAT THING

Eugene & Adorabat both apologized to each other I...

"You can't just leave without the most fearless member of the group!" YAAY ADORABAT'S BACK (Also how are we gonna explain to Eugene Adorabat's scared of the dark?)

"I'll mess 'em up real good! So good, their mommies and daddies won't be able to recognize them when I'm done..." Daaammmnnn...

"She scares me :)"

I wonder...is Sonara really dead? Or are they gonna pull a Kipo & have her still be alive but in a different form?

Badge-A-Fire explosion

Uhh...where is Badgerclops? And why is Mao Mao on the top bunk?!

Of course Badgerclops is petty enough to install a fake monster alarm on his laptop to wake Mao Mao and Adorabat up.

"This is a super-serious work meeting, as you can see by the fact that I haven't provided any snacks!" No snacks?! This must be a serious issue!! /s

"As you know, I am a creative genius. Sometimes there's so much natural creative genius that my brain overloads, and I enter a heightened state that I call 'Ultra Focus'..." Oh so basically like hyperfixation?

"...where I break into a creative sprint, inventing super-advanced technology at supernatural speeds, unparalleled by anyone in the entire field of science." Okay maybe only a LITTLE bit like hyperfixation...wait a second, IS THAT WHY BADGERCLOPS IS SO TIRED ALL THE TIME?!

Uhh did he get his arm stuck in the front door? HE TOOK THE AEROCYCLE?!

"...I forget everything the next morning." Remember my headcanon that Badgerclops represses his memories? Yea...

"Which is why it's not my fault and I don't think I should be criticized :D" TBH I screamed with laughter at this scene solely because of the expression he made

...HE GAVE THE SKY PIRATES THE GEM CELL?! I mean he clearly wasn't thinking right when he did it BUT STILL?!

"Oh hey, I told you I'd use that weird elevator thing!" Dude you LITERALLY used it in Ultraclops. What are you talking about.

"If the Sky Pirates had the Gem Cell, they would've used it already!" That is a fair point ngl.

Umm...did Badgerclops give Adorabat a BOMB?!

Tbh if my friend woke me up in the middle of the night with weird-looking eyes and handed me a timer while saying something about an explosion I would DEFINITELY not go back to sleep afterwards...

I'm sorry, IS THE WHOLE VALLEY GONNA BLOW UP?! WHAT THE HELL DID HE MAKE?!

Mao wiping Badgerclops' tears I'm

A paper towel dispenser? Well that's not that bad - IS THAT A GIANT PAIR OF PANTS?!

Ooh it's not a shock collar it's a translator!! That makes a bit more sense... "I HAVE NO REMORSE OR CONCEPT OF EMPATHY!" ...if the monster doesn't have remorse or empathy how does it know what those words mean...

Badgerclops keeps telling Mao Mao & Adorabat not to criticize him...hmm...I wonder who criticized his inventions that made him that way...*cough* HIS MOM *cough*

"Are all your inventions this weird?!" "YOU'RE WEIRD!!"

IM SORRY DID BADGERCLOPS BUILD A DANCING MACHINE INTO MAO MAO'S BONES?! HIS BONES?! AND HE MADE ADORABAT A SECOND MEGAPEG?!

What in the absolute hell is going on dgaadhdagdadga

Okay but when Badgerclops clutched his head and started shaking when Mao Mao asked why he made those things...I FELT THAT IN MY HEART I FELT THAT IN MY SOUL

Ngl this scene really hit home for me cuz that's how I act when I have a breakdown...

The timer went off but nothing blew up - WAIT, IS THAT A REPLICA OF MECHA HOSSORAFFASNAKEARANG?!

"Initializing Totally Humane Knockout Procedure." (Proceeds to slam the Sheriff's Dept. into the ground) ajdajdgdad

Ooh...ohh they're on some sort of water park...ride...thing??

"And if I didn't want us to get out, then I made sure we couldn't...with super-strong shoe things." But there isn't any on Adorabat, can't she just squeeze herself out?

Ooh I'm getting Pirates of the Caribbean vibes

There's the Gem Cell, it must be powering the ride! Also the robotic arm slaps Mao's hand the same way Mao slaps Badgerclops' hand in Flyaway skkkk

"My amazing creativity is finally gonna destroy us all..." "Hey, at least we'll be destroyed together!" Fair point, fair point

The shoosh returneth

"I always loved inventing." So he was an inventor ever since he was little? Daww.

YOUNG BC IS SO ADORABLE!! He has a lil medical patch instead of an eyepatch which is def more accurate to real life...but what's the vest for? Protection in case he falls? A pressure stim?

That figure's def his mom since they rejected his ideas & he mentions she was mean to him. Also the theory that his mom's a villain seems a bit stronger since they straight-up hand him a tool kid + a set of blueprints with no regard to his safety...

"Also there was a bunch of other kids at school and some other people throughout my life who mocked me relentlessly." THEN WHY'D YOU TELL ADORABAT YOU COULDN'T RELATE TO HER WHEN SHE SAID NO ONE WANTED TO BE HER FRIEND?! (Also I noticed literally all the kids are other badgers, so I'm assuming Badgerclops grew up sheltered like Mao Mao did.)

So the Ultra Focus is basically a really weird coping mechanism to deal with all the abuse and bullying he went through? Holy fuckkk

"They only made fun of you because they were jealous. Happened to me my whole life!" Umm...

"Even the dance chip I surgically implanted in your brain?" Excuse me the dance chip that you WHAT

"I love you-" HE SAID IT 💗💓💗💓

"I'm finally around people who love and understand me..."

Wait did the cannon misfire? DID IT BLOW A HOLE IN THE GROUND?!

OH HE ACTUALLY DID CREATE AN ANIMATRONIC BAND?! I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE!!

"Take it away, Boss Hosstritch!" (Distorted garbling)

Oof Mao caught all the water

"We hope you all enjoyed being Badgerclops' friend." 💞💕💞💕

Not that anyone cares but I noticed there's a picture of some of the Sweetypies on the monitors, meaning 1. Badgerclops tested it out using them first, or 2. Badgerclops just likes those Sweetypies for whatever reason. Tho that makes me wonder why he'd choose Pinky of all people...

THE SKY PIRATES WERE INSIDE THE ANIMATRONICS THE WHOLE TIME?! THE MAN BEHIND THE SLAUGHTE

Zing Your Heart Out

Why are they giving out rotten sushi??

"HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT ME EATING SOMETHING GROSSLY?!"

Ooh god Chester's gonna be super freaking annoying in this episode, I can feel it.

"What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint!" BAYBEY

Jesus what a prick. GET HIM MAO MAO

Ngl that background's really pretty...

Oooh no the Ruby Pure Heart's being weird again. Ooh no.

FUCK YEA ROAST HIM BABY - Did Adorabat's eyes turn purple because the Ruby Pure Heart gave her powers?

Oh so the siren in Badgerclops' robo-arm is a backup monster alarm?

More Sky Pirates - and the Pure Heart's being weird again...

"I'd tell you but despite your height it'd go right over your HEAD!" Asdfgghjjk

"For someone with two brains, you're not very BRIGHT!" EVEN BETTER

Kevin said he was raising money for a school trip, then for a trip to the hospital...which one is he raising money for?!

"SILENCE PANCAKE, LEST YE BE BUTTERED"

OOH NO SHE ATTACKED MAO AND BC

"IT FEELS LIKE THE WEIGHT OF ONE THOUSAND PLANETS!!"

"One second, I'm getting mad, and the next thing you know-" Is she freaking possessed??

Wait, is the Pure Heart TALKING to Adorabat?! How?!

Cluckins you don't ask people what's wrong with their eyeballs...even if there is something wrong with their eyeballs

"I CAN'T FEEL MY SELF-RESPECT!!"

The pure 'oh shit' on Marion's face when Adorabat turns to her

Half of the people she insulted showed up to her party! Didn't that mean she loved them?!

Oh god not this bitch again - nvm, thanks Adorabat

"Taking over the castle and ruling Pure Heart Valley forever does sound nice..." This is starting to remind me of that one AU where Adorabat turns evil, becomes the ruler of the Sky Pirates, then convinces them to kill Snugglemagne and becomes the queen of Pure Heart...she isn't gonna kill Snugglemagne, is she?

What did Adorabat tell Snugglemagne?! I WANNA KNO

Why is Pinky stealing teeth...reminds me of this

NO BC DON'T EAT THE TEETH

"I...hate myself! Therefore, I'm invincible!" So the trick to not getting your ego destroyed...is to not have an ego. Sounds reasonable.

"Your bug platter, my king?" Genderfluid Adorabat rights

"Mao Mao, your head looks like a CROW!" (Mao Mao caws) IT WAS A LIE HE ISN'T A CAT HE WAS A CROW THIS WHOLE TIME-

"It looks like a half-melted ice cream cone!!" That is...a strange way to describe your own neck...

"Well, I'm...bad (◡‿◡)" Kinda weird that the canonically depressed character can't even cleverly insult himself

...why does Adorabat's skin smell like old cantaloupe

OH SHE IS POSSESSED!!

HOLY SHIT MAO WAS GONNA FUCKING MURDER ADORABAT TO SAVE THE KINGDOM?! THANK GOD HE SAW HER JOKE BOOK, HOLY SHIT

Positivity outweighs negativity!

"WHERE DOES A 800 POUND GORILLA SIT?!" "Where ever it wants!◝(⁰▿⁰)◜" Curse you for making me laugh...

OOH NO THE JOKEBOOK! - Wait nvm Mao remembers Adorabat's jokes!

I think the reason they used that joke is because it represents Mao Mao and Adorabat - Adorabat is blue, and she wants to be like Mao Mao, who wears red. What is BLUE, and smells like (is similar to) RED paint?

YAAAY HE BROKE HER FREE FROM MIND CONTROL!! And did BC get Thanos snapped in the background?

"Thank goodness you're alright! We almost..." Fucking murdered you? Yea

"Might we have our crown and kingdom back, yes?"

"Sorry for being such a monster today." "You're a monster everyday." Is that a joke because she was today's villain, a reference to Sleeper Sofa or foreshadowing?

I hope Mao Mao and Badgerclops decide to investigate what's up with the Heart in Season Two, cause I highly doubt they'll let Adorabat getting fucking possessed go under the radar.

The visual gag of Mao trying to stomp out his ice cream cone like a cigarette is perfect. This is peak comedy everyone else go home

WHOOP CHESTER'S ASS GUYS

Strange Bedfellows

"So, your name is Boss Hosstrich, but you're not actually the boss?" How long did it take him to realize that

JFC Mao & Orangusnake are REALLY hellbent on killing each other huh...at least the deputies and the other Sky Pirates have common sense.

Hahaha nice Dragon Ball Z reference - and they both got crushed by the monster! Lovely.

...did Mao seriously think he died and went to heaven?

So does Orangusnake breathe through Tanner or do they both breathe independently & Coby can feel when Tanner can't?

Dang those skeletons remind me of the Steven Universe Future episode Growing Pains. And why is Lucky inside of Orangusnake? "THAT WAS MY LUNCH, JERK!" Ooh that's why.

"They're full of these tiny, little cracks or, as they're known in the medical field, 'whoopsie-boo-boos'." AGSADGASGADGDASG

Damn their skeletons are just gonna freaking evaporate huh...

"The doctor said I was very brave :D"

Ooh shit the Deputies and the other Sky Pirates met at the same elevator, are they gonna fight - nevermind, they're still calling time.

JESUS CHRIST ARE MAO & ORANGUSNAKE EVER GONNA STOP?!

"You don't have the guts!" "I have a million guts." That is...mildly concerning

"Yeah, I wanted to be a baker, before I realized I liked hurting people so much." Then why doesn't she just like, help Muffins or something?

Tbh I thought Ratarang was holding a gun and I'm glad it was just a weirdly wrapped banana

CONE OF SHAME. CONE OF SHAME. CONE OF SHAME.

"Aww, y'all shouldn't have - this is empty." "Just like my heart when you injure yourself!!" He loves him sm...💓💓

"Why didn't you bring me weapons?!" "Because this is a hospital, and I'm a good boy (◡‿◡ )"

"I really feel like this could be a turning point in their relationship." (Mao and Orangusnake proceed to try and kill each other again) *sigh*

Ngl Mao & Orangusnake constantly repeating themselves is getting super annoying.

That hospital bed beeping is giving me flashbacks to all the times I went to the hospital for seizures...

"You know y'all could live like this, like, all the time if you didn't go around hurting people, right?" "Pssh! Tsk-tsk, boy. You know I gots to hurt people." Uhh you guys should really listen to Badgerclops he knows what tf he's talking about

UUhh, whose egg is that? "MAMA" ASGagddahDh

Of course they had to land in freaking CEMENT to realize that maybe they shouldn't kill each other

Did Mao just deflate like a ballo- oh nvm there he go.

Boneless Mao. Boneless Mao.

And Mao saved Orangusnake!! By...breaking every bone in his body somehow.

"I'm the kind of hero who wants to save you so I can fight you later...at the right time and place." Just gonna file this along with the credit score scene from Perfect Couple in the 'Orangumao' folder.

Is Badgerclops duct taping Mao to the stretcher? I mean, at least he won't move & hurt himself again but geez

Tbh Zing would’ve made a better finale than this ep. At least it had a sequel hook

[springwritess]

mr.cook | sanji vinsmoke

anime: one piece

word count: long, but not as long as zoro’s

note: im going to write mini fics for each strawhat (including my boy jimbe hopefully) which is gonna be a zombie apocalypse au. not all of them will be romantic bc some characters are hard to write romantically. i doubt you’d really fall for someone you just met right? anyway either luffy or usopp is gonna be next.

tags: zombie apocalypse, sanji fluff, cooking, hunger, dehydration, sanji being the dork he is, recruitment (sorta)

****

The hunger was ever-present; from dawn to dusk it gnawed at you. Food was your constant obsession. You couldn't look at an animal or plant and wonder if it was edible. You didn't care if the food was tasty, just as long as it could make the stomach pains go away for awhile.

You sat there still, like an elderly person. You started to wonder whether you were going to die from starvation or from the zombies. You were too tired to move, or do anything really. You ran out of water and there was no fresh water source. It was only time for your death to approach. You couldn't even sleep either, because sleeping meant a chance for zombies to attack and devour you alive.

You were in the middle of the forest. You were camping in there after being driven out of your home. You took what you could find and left the city as fast as possible. You needed to get away from people as much as possible. Staying alive was horrible, you ran out of the food you stole from the city. You didn't possess the abilities or tools to be able to hunt or cook animals. You were such a shifty cook that you didn’t know how to make fucking tea. You couldn't stay there forever however. You needed to get off the island soon. Your stomach rumbled again.

First however, you needed food.

There was a crunch of leaves and twigs behind you. Each footstep crackled. There was someone coming. You dove behind a tree that was close by. You grabbed a large stick. It wasn't much of a weapon, but it was enough to try and knock the person out to steal their food. You closed your eyes and waited for them to draw near. Each step felt like a ripple in the ground.

You jumped out behind the tree and lunged forward. It was a blonde-haired man who was idly walking by. You attempted to land a strike across his cheek, but he jumped back. You tried again, but he dodged it. He was fast on his feet.

“What's going on?" He asked as he continued to dodge all of your attacks. "I don't want to fight a women."

"Give...me your food!" You growled as your grip tightened on the stick.

You lurched forward again and landed a blow across his left cheek. The man fell to the ground. He didn't get up after that. You ripped the bag off his shoulders and shifted through it. Your pupils dilated.

"No..." You said with a hint of panic in your voice.

You went through it again, this time your hands were fumbling. Your fingers jumped rhythmically, as if in a spasm. Your bowels suddenly churned. Please let there be food in there, you prayed. This couldn't happen...not now. Your heart was in your mouth. You couldn't speak.

“No! No! No!" This time you said it much louder, "please...I just need food."

Your heard some shifting and then a grunt come from behind you. Blood drained from your face as you turned your head around. The man was getting up. He took a cigarette box and a lighter from his breast pocket. He lit a cigarette and placed it in his mouth.

You grabbed the stick and gripped your two hands on it. You held it up in the air in front of you. You glared at him.

"S-stay...a-away or I'll hurt you!" You warned. Your hands were shaking as you fumbled on your words.

He took a breath and smoke floated up into the sky. "I'm not going to hurt you. You're hungry right? I'll make you something. I'll never let someone stay hungry."

You felt your stomach grumble again. "Liar! Y-you're going to kill me!"

He gave you a grin. “I'll never hurt a women. That's what a shitty old men taught me."

Your stomach rumbled again, this time loud enough for him to hear it. You fell to the ground and clutched your stomach. It felt as if someone pierced your stomach with a sword. "It hurts....I'm going to die."

He ran over to you. You didn't have the energy to run away. "Shit...you're malnourished and dehydrated. Is there no fresh water source here?"

You didn't have the energy to answer him, so you simply shook your head. He picked you up with his arms and started to run through the forest. You had no energy to protest or push him off. You were barely conscious at this point too, as the trees were starting to become a blur too.

After what seemed like forever, you started to smell cologne mixed with the smell of cigarettes. Your eyes fluttered open. You were still in the forest, but instead in a part that wasn’t covered in trees. There were no creatures around. The light from the sun hit your skin. Your eyes shifted to the side. You were laying on a black jacket. Ah so that’s where the smell was coming from.

You sat up. Your throat was extremely dry too. Your stomach was still hurting, but you ignored the pain. You looked around and the man was nowhere to be seen. You weren’t in any mood to talk to him anyway.

Your lips were cracked from dehydration. Your hair was matted with dirt and your clothes were were smeared with grass stains and dirt. You looked terrible. You needed a shower and some fresh clothes. You felt the bottom of your lip quiver. Will this be your new life? You no longer had the same luxuries you used to have. You took them for granted, and you only realized how lucky you were when they were gone.

You laid back down and turned to the side. You couldn’t afford to cry, because that would just make you even more dehydrated. Drowsiness overtook you. You closed your eyes and eventually fell asleep.

***

You were greeted with a sweet, savoury aroma that wafted through the air as you started to wake up again. The smell mixed in with the fragrance trees and grass. Your stomach clenched with hunger at the thought of devouring whatever food that was creating the smell.

You sat up and saw the blonde man making stew using ingredients from the forest, plants and animals you’ve seen before. He somehow was able to find bowls to give pour your stew in. You stated at him for awhile, transfixed by his ability to cut various vegetables and plants. He was so swift with his fingers.

He removed the cigarette from his mouth and exhaled the soft tendrils of smoke. His gaze shifted to you. The man gave you a smile.

“I’m so glad you’re awake.” He said softly. He came cover with a bowl of water. “I’m glad I had utensils and bowls in my bag. The water is still hot too because I boiled it. Please be careful.”

You moved the bowl of water around. The water swished back and forth. There was steam floating from it. It was definitely still hot. You sniffed the bowl of water. There didn’t seem to be any poison. Immediately after examining it, you guzzled down the water within mere seconds. You ignored your throbbing lips and your throat which felt like it was on fire. You sighed in relief. It was nice.

He finally handed you a bowl of stew. Taking in the sweet aroma, your stomach rumbled again. Every part of you wanted to lurch forward and devour the bowl. You couldn’t however. It didn’t feel right. You clenched your fists.

You spoke up. “I don’t understand.”

The man raised his eyebrows. “You don’t understand what?”

“Why are you doing this for me?” You asked again. This time with your voice shaking. “Why are you helping a complete stranger? I don’t know your name. I don’t know where you’re from or who you are. I..I don’t have any money if that’s what you want.”

He took the cigarette out of his mouth and breathed out. “My name is Sanji. I’m a cook on a ship. I already told you. It’s because I can never ignore someone is hungry. I don’t need money from you, so you can eat up. Besides....”

“Besides what?”

He gave you a smile. “Your cute face is enough of a payment for me.”

You rolled your eyes but felt a smile creep up onto your face. “Thank you Sanji.”

You ate your food in silence. You quickly finished it in mere minutes, but you were too embarrassed to ask for more. Much to your surprise, Sanji took your bowl and filled it up to the top. He handed it to you. He lit up another cigarette and sat next to you silently. Your cheeks flushed up in embarrassment.

You cleared your throat. “Aren’t you going to eat to. I’m fine really...”

Sanji shook his head. “I’m fine. I ate before I came to this island. I also have a few questions about it, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh sure. Also I didn’t introduce myself yet. My name is (f/n). I worked as a mechanic in my mother’s shop. It was apart of the family business.” You rubbed the back of your head sheepishly. “I’m not the greatest cook, so you saved my life. Thank you so much. I’ll help you with anything you need.” You said. You gave him an awkward smile.

“What’s happening on this island? The city I was just in, it was a wreck. Did something happen? I was also attacked by a group of people. I need answers. I was separated from my crew too, so I also need a map.”

The smile from your face immediately vanished. You managed to forget about everything that happened for awhile, but the reality didn’t change.

“A group of pirates brought this virus to the island. Their crewmate was dumped here. He was rushed to the hospital.” You explained. “He survived, but the virus seemed to induce range and the need for human meat. He bit the nurse that was treating him and she started to act the same. I’m not sure, but I think the virus probably travels through saliva.”

“They’re like zombies, but still alive?” He chucked. “They aren’t as smart as the ones on Thriller Bark.”

You cocked your head in confusion. “What? You aren’t scared?”

Sanji shook his head. “I have a damn skeleton who can walk, talk, eat and even take a shit on my ship. There’s nothing that surprises me anymore.”

Your eyes narrowed. You weren’t sure if he was joking or not. The Grandline is full of surprises, so anything could happen. Speaking of which, why was this man traveling on the Grandline? Is his boat a restaurant ship that floats around by any chance.

“What kind of ship do you work on..?”

“A pirate ship.”

Your stomach dropped. Of course. He’s a pirate. You felt anger churn deep within you. A pirate was the one who destroyed this island. You tried your best to ignore it. He did save your life. Perhaps he wasn’t like the others.

“What about you? Why are you here in the forest? Where’s your mom?” He asked.

You were silent for a moment. “She died three years ago. After she passed, I took over the business. My shop is probably rubble right now.”

“That’s a shame. Do you want to go take a look to see if there’s anything left? There must be something.” He asked.

You shook your head and chuckled. “It’s whatever I guess. I gotta get used to how I’m living now.” You got up from where you were sitting. “Also, I should have a map in my bag. Let me go check.”

You got up and went to grab your bag. There were mostly essentials: empty water bottle, first aid kit, a change of clothes. You let out a grunt. There was no map in sight.

“Sorry about the map. I don’t seem to have any.” You rubbed the back of your head sheepishly.

“It’s fine.” Sanji stood up and stretched. “We should get going then.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Going where?”

“To your home of course. Seeing it might give you a sense of relief. You’ll never regret not taking the chance to see if there was anything there.” He replied. He lit another cigarette into his mouth.

You were at a loss for words. “I...”

“Hmm?”

You shook your head. “I can’t go.”

“Why not?”

“Even if I do get a sense of closure from seeing my home, where would I go?” You bit the bottom of your lip to stop from crying and took a deep breath, “I have nobody left. I don’t have a ship nor do I have the skills to travel to another island. I also don’t trust you. You’re a pirate. What if you try to hurt me?”

The tears splashed forth and trickled down your cheeks. The thought of your home in rubble and the memories of your mother came flooding into your head all at once. You tried to quickly wiped your tears away, but they kept coming.

“Shit I’m crying. I’m sorry about that.” You chuckled.

Sanji gave you a smile. “It’s okay to cry. Everyone cries. I also won’t lay a finger on you.” He looked up into the sky. “Regarding your future, it’s up to you. You can do whatever you want. I won’t try to stop you (f/n).”

Hearing him call you by your name caught you off guard. You got up. “Let’s get going then Sanji.”

[gg-astrology]

Helloooo :) I don't know if it is too late but, what do you think of cap sun taurus moon? :o

HAH WE HAVE THE SAME PLACEMENTS!!!! 💕 ITS CALL OUT TIME!! 💕💕

(and no ure not too late don’t worry 💕 thank u for dropping by anyways!!)

[Below Cut: Capricorn Sun - Taurus Moon 🍃]

We’re a lot more earthier than our usual earthy counterparts, like if anything if we’re not surrounded by atleast 5 trees we Will Die

It gets especially hard living in an urban city because….we might not be accessible to parks all the time.

Although we might like leafy greens and fauna, some of us may have a hard time motivating ourselves to keeping them alive/grow our own garden even when we like the ~aesthetic~

Second most self-praise thing is our voice. With the combination of Capricorn/Taurus you might realize that we tend to have influential voices when speaking to others (others see reasons/listens to us– can be kind of like the ‘therapist’ in groups of friends because they tend to give solid advice and tries to make it practical for others)

It’s a persuasive ability, where we give other people nudges towards the right direction usually through a socratic dialogue (like asking them questions and letting them find the answer themselves)

Because Taurus is ruled by Venus, we appeal to the emphathy/putting ourselves in other people’s shoes (social relationships) to show others how to view things differently

There’a terrible stubborn streak amongst us, where we feel like we constantly need time to ‘digest’ experiences in order to utilize them fully.

Our time works differently than others, 2 days weekend isn’t enough to do that. And once things start picking up we switch gears from ‘oh no I don’t have time to absorb’ into ‘fuck I gotta find my pattern’ in order to survive

Always in survival mode, the bare minimum. Keep a straight-focused outlook on things so we could concentrate on it instead (while in the moment)

Switches between moments of independency (and cherishing it) and wanting support/to be surrounded by others and help them (in the domestic life/sphere).

If your bed and your room is your friend. This is your ‘safe space’ and you can never work here. You’ll have delegated ‘spaces’ for working/productivity. Thus it becomes a conditioned ‘motive/pattern’ you set for yourself.

You can try to be soft an gentle, but you will Realize that you are a very straight-forward and blunt person. We all look constipated when we try to phrase something in a different way, often we don’t come up with a gentler phrase so we just– drag it out, cautiously to see if the other person is receptive to it or not.

Surprisingly we say ‘sorry’ quite often bc we Know other people might put it gentler than us but we don’t know how to Do It

AH most important thing— quiet doesn’t mean shy. Although we can tend to be shy early on in our childhood (*if it comes to that). Quiet is just comfortable, like ‘I don’t have to say stuff if I don’t have anything to say’ when you’re comfortable with urself/ur company y know

Most people might think we’re being ‘unnaturally quiet’ if you have an active Mercury/Venus that says otherwise— but there are moments where you’re just— chilling, and people are concerned even when you’re just ‘absorbing’ the view

When you’re stress, it shows. When you’re really anxiety ridden and nervous, others can tell it in your oppressive silence. Your face blanks out, and that normally doesn’t happen. Your eyes vacant, and your close friend can pick that up pretty quickly.

Although you like to touch and be touched, you can also be demanding about it. Like ‘pet my hair’ ‘squeeze me tight’ or something specific like ‘hold onto my rib-cage/sides’ — it’s weird I know. But it’s like, if you want something you ask for it or you go get it. 

Emotions are— hard. Because you tend to hide your own pains/bury them a lot. You’re not even aware that you feel more than what you feel in the moment. Capricorn suppresses and Taurus redirects. So you’re not even sure where your emotions go when in hiding.

Sometimes you can be in the shower and think ‘have i ever felt jealous?? envious of people???’ and it takes a little more time and retrospection to get familiar with emotions

Accepting ‘negative’ emotions and ‘ugly’ behaviors in yourself is extremely hard to do. This is because you pride yourself in being ‘kind’ to others. Thus you may be much stricter on yourself than you are with anyone else.

Doesn’t mean you don’t get strict with the people around you, you do. Especially when they’re doing detrimental things to themselves. You’re much better at dealing with them than your own problems though.

Sometimes your retrospection eats away at your thoughts at night, things to do, functions to execute, where are you now? What have you done? Are you going to be happy in say 5 years? What do you have for your ambitions?

You can be protective of people around you, especially after you see them cry or in pain. Your protective instinct kicks in really strongly, and you may have trouble letting them have autonomy without atleast giving them a hard look and saying shit like ‘ok, if that’s what you think/makes you happy’. 

With your best friends, you may used to have the idea that they’re yours. 

Your best friends. Your people. Especially in early childhood, having to ‘open yourself up’ and your friendship up to accepting new people throws you into an internal tantrum.

Still now, you might find that you better with one-on-one approaches to ‘getting close/to know people’ than large group settings. If you’re truly going to have a personal opinion on someone, you have to see them outside the context of a barrier– your mutual friends.

Your own chemistry with other people (one-on-one) matters a lot, because it lets you know how you’re doing. Who you are, what your flaws are and whether you have a different ‘side’ to you that comes out when you’re with them as well.

The thing about you is– you’re inherently honest. To the point where you can’t hide it or stifle it, even if you try your body/mind will scream at you for even attempting to do so. You’re a slave to your own honesty, but it’s also your advantage and your disadvantage.

You have immense capabilities to be understanding to others, and to help others who trust you because of this honesty. 

And because you hold yourself valuable for your integrity to people (heart-to-heart, one-on-one) you don’t ever let yourself consciously try to bring them down or let them have a reason to doubt you otherwise.

Even thinking about how people could misinterpret your actions as something with ulterior motive (threaten to discredit your integrity) you take pre-cautions to make sure everyone is on the same page, everyone understands where it’s coming from.

You don’t leave a stone unturned when you do something, you want to do your best but that also requires preparation works. Ground works, for you to focus on just diving into it later. You don’t deter from it at all, and meticulously prepare the ‘grounds’ for yourself every time.

Your humbleness comes from your core. But since you’re so focused on working/preparing and your side of the story all the time. You have a harder time ‘switching’ gears to being on the receiving end of things.

You’d have learnt earlier on in your life that you can usually have an ‘automated’ response to things/circumstances that requires responses. But you don’t ever want to appear insincere or disingenuine so you try your best to put yourself 100% in giving people sincerity at all times.

You’ll learn– that this tends to wear you out. And you require time away from people in your own space. You might like to bury yourself under 10 blankets, give yourself a good scrub in the bathroom or get tucked away in a corner doing your own thing. Personal comfort is rejuvenating to you, but you can let it get too far and make a bad habit of not going out because of it too.

You’re a homebody but you may pride yourself in the opposite. You bring attention and light to when you go out, what you did with people, what you saw today. Watch that you aren’t doing this to subconsciously ‘persuade’ yourself that you deserve to relax at home because you’ve ‘earned it’ (going out becomes an ‘achievement’, which in itself isn’t terrible but you tend to let yourself get comfortable/have a pattern that may be harder to break out of– and that generally leads to a sense of dread for you later on when you want to ‘switch gears’ to something else)

You’re a creature of habit, so try to make a journal or ‘check list’ for things whenever it appears (like ‘you have a meeting at 3pm, this has to get done by thursday, do groceries on this specific day because otherwise you won’t have time – use it like you have a secretary). 

Whenever you need to check, you have the journal to remind you of ‘obligations’ you have to work through.

If you don’t, you can let your days get past you or forget about things you have to do.   

Grocery shopping, especially when you have time to journey alone (and not talk to anyone)– is less of a chore and more like a place where you can enjoy self-care without feeling unproductive about yourself.

If you ever feel like you’re having a bad day, go grocery shopping. Splurge on some meats and make yourself a steak. If you’re a vegetarian, try looking for new things to try in these moment of vulnerabilities.

Also, don’t be afraid to buy dolls. Especially the big ones that are like 9′ tall and towers over you. You’re going to enjoy having a new seating space for yourself. Lie on it’s stomach, play on your laptop. 

You’ll do better with a cuddle buddy who doesn’t have their own needs (inanimate) when your partner/friends are less free to spend time with you. 

Don’t be afraid to initiate physical contact, if you want someone to kiss your checks. Ask to kiss theirs. Show them– through demonstration and response – how to physically care for you the way you might want/need it to.

You can be disgustingly cute with people even when you’re not in a romantic relationship with them, mostly because you think everyone deserves to feel loved even without it being romantic. Everyone deserves to feel cared for, adored and not less than a romantic partner.

There’s no shame in craving intimacy, from friends or from lovers. You know it’s different because your ‘shades’ with romantic partners are a lot more intense/directed. But that doesn’t mean you put your love for your friends second to your lovers.

Let yourself get giggly and bubbly, feel loved and adored. Let yourself open up about past experiences, situations you need help with. Let yourself admit to your friends/people around you how you feel, so that they can support you when you can’t support yourself.

That’s all I have for now 💕 This one is quite long mostly because I was thinking about it too much 💕 I hope it’s applicable to you ;; 💕💕    

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

I'm still trying to sort of recover, at least just reduce the harm I'm causing to my body. Like trying to stop purging. Cuz that's Gon kill me for sure if my potassium gets too low again. I do want to stop. At least not do it everyday. All day. I swear I was so scared when I was in inpatient this time cuz the whole time I was thinking that I couldn't have been that malnourished since I wasn't at my lowest weight. Which is dumb of me to think bc you can be malnourished at any weight. And then I got hospitalized and found out my potassium was 2.4 which was low as fuck and I didn't know. I was scared. I was crying. I was panicked about probably dying if I didn't go to the hospital. The psychiatrist wanted to send me to the medical hospital to monitor my heart but we were able to get it up to normal in like 3 or 4 days and so many blood draws later to be sure. I was scared. I knew I had a reason for all of the dying anxiety before I went in. I hate I missed out on so much work but I'm kinda glad I did bc with the work I was doing I could've really put a lot of strain on my heart. I was so scared and yet since I've been out, I'm still purging every day. It's reduced a lil bit, it has. I don't puke at my boyfriends house anymore. But that's it. That's only 2 days when when I'm not puking. Im afraid I really messed my digestive shit up bc I get sick sometimes at his house. We eat like 2 a day and it's not a crazy amount, a sort of normal amount. And it's like my stomach can't digest it fast enough. By the end of the night I'm so nauseous and full and bloated n feel like I have to puke even tho I don't want to. Or like I'll come home on Monday afternoon and still have undigested food in me from the day before. I don't think food should be hanging out in the gut 10+ hours after it's been eaten. I'm fucking my shit upp rn. And still I can't control my binging. It's my binging that's the problem. That leads to purging. I just can't keep food out of my mouth. But I can't go back to the hospital. I just finished the Ed PHP a couple weeks ago. I'm supposed to be somewhat recovered by now. And I'm still kind of in the same place. Just 15 pounds heavier and struggling more with body image. I'm so fucking sick of this Ed shit man. But after 10 years of going through this shit it's so fucking hard to not be eating disordered. What the fuck do I do. I'm afraid the next time I go back to Alexian, I'll have to go to residential after. I'm scared of dying yet I'm not doing what I should be to not fucking die it makes no sense.

[3rd-flower]

I would love to see your photos and I think it would be really nice if you got a new camera! I get sad when I realize tumblr eats one of my asks, I always look forward to reading your responses. I don't have any allergies to pets, thankfully. I would definitely want a cat in the future though. Can I see some pictures of your cat? They're all so adorable. - Kuroko

Oh, not having allergies is lucky~! It just means one less thing standing in the way of u having a cat to snuggle with tbh.

Tumblr is just So Rude seriously. (｡ŏ_ŏ)

so i have 4 cats, the one I posted pics of before is Mao and i think hes probably half raccoon on his mothers side - then there's Grandpa (the youngest), Sofa (the oldest), and Puppycat (my very special girl).

puppycat (also known by her middle name, annie) is Very Hard to photograph bc she never holds still. she is super photogenic but she's always twitching around and chirping and asking you to pet her by tapping your arm as you try to aim a camera at her ('' -▽-)

this is grandpa and my puppy hannah! he was Not Amused to not be the baby of the house when we brought her home but since then they've bonded and like to flop into Baby Cuddle Piles :;(∩ ˘ω˘ ∩);: grandpa also likes to sleep on my chest, stomach, or legs (whichever he thinks is most comfy) he'll just stumble into the bedroom half asleep and loudly yelling to let me know it is Cuddle Time Now, Right Now, until i lay down and let him flop across my stomach.

his two favorite hobbies are watching telefishion and jojo posing.

here's a pic of both grandpa and sofa, fittingly enough on the sofa - her usual haunt, honestly. Sofa is an old lady who we rescued as a stray about seven years ago. She's an absolute sweetheart and if you're a person she loves you and wants you to lavish her with affection - but if you're an animal, she wants nothing 2 do with u, rip.... i think she'd be better served being in a household where she was an only cat, but she's got special needs and the best we can do is to just provide her the medical care she needs and making sure she knows how loved she is and just try to keep other animals from bothering her too much (  ･᷄-･᷅ )

I couldn't find good pics of sofa readily available on my phone.... I'll try to dig up some good ones later to post when I can. But I rlly love aaaaaaaaall my kitties and hannah so much i would die 4 them tbh.

maybe I'll try to save up for a kinda nice camera and say it's a late birthday present to myself lol (￣∇￣)ゞ you said you like taking pictures too, right? id love to see some of your pics someday~

What kind of stuff are u lookin forward 2 in the next few weeks? Friday I'm heading to the gym and doing water aerobics classes - there's nothing like exercising in a heated indoor pool for an hour, then showering off and relaxing in a sauna - super fancy ymca facilities- it's a good way to cut thru the winter bluhs imo bc by the time you're done and getting dressed to head out of the gym, uve basically forgotten it's winter! Also, a friend is probably going to be in town for a bit over the weekend and it'll b really nice catching up with him! ( ´▽｀)

I hope the rest of your week is fun and relaxing!