#i still do. god i still do. i love them all so so much
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Could we have some of your Lamb head canons please?
I'm going with my modern au because it's my little obsession right now sijssj
I'm cutting the post so it wouldn't be so long. The whole description is below
So the whole thing with Old Faith as the most powerful religion and Bishops is mostly the same like in the game. The world looks similar to our in 1700s, sheep was hunted down over the decades and Lambert was in the group of the last ones. That group was caught and killed, Lamb was lucky enough to be outside the camp at this time but they didn't enjoy their freedom for so long. As a single sheep it was hard to survive on their own
Lamb seeing their wife for the first time sjsbsjsh
Lamber was caught some time later by bounty hunters. However, an accident happened when Lamb tried to escape one night - there were shot in the stomach badly enough that further travel was impossible without them bleeding out. So since Lamb was going to die anyway, the bounty hunters figured out they'd at least bring Old Faith their head. They didn't wait for Lamb to bleed out first, so that death wasn't fast or easy.
First years as a cult leader weren't easy. Taking care of the flock, learning how to fight, figuring out how rituals work, it was a lot for young Death's vessel. Lamb couldn't get used to their new role for some time. But Ratau was a huge help, beloved rat-dad was as much supportive as he could
After their first century as cult leader, Lamb began to feel comfortable in their role, perhaps a little to much I would say. Their grow their wool and started to pay more attention to their appearance and to the things that brought them pleasure. They started to fully enjoy their immortal life, to be too self-confident focused too much on themselves. They liked being in the center of attention, with the flock fully devoted to them. They even started to add a new tattoo with every kill of a Bishop or their the most devoted followers (as a trophy)
Beginning of XX century, Lamb become TOWW's little killing machine, no fear of death or pain. Ready to die, just to stand up and go killing again. They were fully devoted to Narinder in the most toxic way, ready to do absolutely everything just to make their god satisfied. Lamb didn't even realize how obsessed they were with Narinder at that time
Modern times, with Narinder already indoctrinated into the cult. Lamb as a selfish, egocentric, ready to do everything to achieve their goals bastard. Still unhealthy devoted to Narinder but this time in a different way - on one hand madly in love with him, on the other hating him with all their heart because of he did to them. Either way both of those strong feelings keep them close to him
Jeez this post took me more time to write than to draw djdbdjdj I'm soooo bad at writing
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brain empty only thought - TF141 are all dancers for magic mike in london and give their stage manager a private show
I love your brain anon đŠ taking free liberties with whatever a show manager does here fyi lol but i also tried to watch an actual magic mike show but i turned into a blushing mess and had to stop halfway. Fair warning tho, iâve never written anything quite like this đ all of this is safe, sane and consensual
You are such a good stage manager to them, though, always ensuring everyone is on the same page, communications are going well, all props are set and the most important thing in your opinion; all the dancers are doing well. You always make sure there are plenty of drinks, theyâre well-slept and ready and-
You do so much for them, such a good stage manager. Itâs only right that they spoil you with a private show all carered to you, in a private room where they make you sit down on chair placed right in the middle.
Have you seen this choreography before? Yes. Are you in any shape or way ready to have Kyle kneel in front of you on one knee, gazing up at you like you are star, and spread your thighs open so he can nuzzle his face right between your tights? You arenât.
âSmell so fuckinâ good, pretty.â Gaz mumbles, groaning low against your skin.
Your face is flaming red, feeling him kiss the soft pudge of your thighs before he slides up with a wink so Johnny takes place on your lap, leather jeans tight on his ass and bulge. He takes your hovering hands, and places them on his thighs while he grinds against you, hips pressing together.
You can barely bite your noises back, clenching your thighs shut.
âNo staying silent, bonnie,â he croons, thumb rubbing your lips. You hadnât even realized your mouth was slack and open until he pushes his thumb in for a few seconds, and you obediently, impulsively, suck on it. His eyes darken, and he leans to kiss the corner of your lips, hovering over your lap. âGood girl.â
It takes everything in you not to whine out loud, drenched between your thighs.
When he moves off with another kiss, itâs Ghost who kneels in front of her, the music slower now, deeper. He takes her hands, kissing her palms through his mask and guiding her hands to the buttons of his silk button-up that bared his defined collarbones already, scarred skin glowing the more you reveal of him.
God, you want to bite him so badly.
âLook at me, doll.â He orders, and you so easily obey you can see the crinkle in his mask. Like a snake, Ghost twists his body so his back is across your knees, shoulders and head on your lap, peering up at you with his legs spread and holding his body up.
âSi-â you whine at last, resolve breaking. He pulls your hands down his shoulders, and you take the hint by caressing his pecs, his abs, the strong muscles taut under your exploring hands. Feeling just a little bold and knowing he doesnât mind, your fingers tease along his belt.
âHeâs so fucking handsome, isnât he?â Captain Price croons behind you, big hands settling on your shoulders, dipping into your blouse to toy with your bra straps. âAll my boys are. But youâre our girl, arenât you? Our pretty, beautiful girl, always working so hard for us. My boys adore you, sugar.â
Your mouth dries up, staring up at him, hands still on Ghost. âIâŚâ
âNo words needed, doll.â he scoffs, smug the way only a man who knows how easily he can command a room can be. His hands leave your skin and before you can pout, heâs reaching under your thighs to carefully pull you up while still being mindful of Simon. He sits in your chair, you on his lap and Ghost still under your touch. âLet us spoil you, yeah?â
And who are you to even think about saying no to such a beautiful, tempting offer?
#cod x reader#cod#cod x you#tf 141 x reader#tf 141#tf 141 x you#cod imagines#john price x reader#noona.asks#poly!141 x reader#ghost x reader#soap x reader#gaz x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost x you#kyle gaz x reader#simon riley x you#call of duty x reader#poly 141#noona.writes#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#kyle gaz garrick x you#simon ghost x you#simon ghost riley imagines#kyle gaz x you#kyle gaz garrick#john price imagine#poly 141 x reader
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i still miss the smoke | ollie bearman social media au
pairing: ollie bearman x fem singer ex reader
where thereâs smoke, thereâs fire and maybe we miss the warmth
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
y/nfanpage
liked by kimiantonelli, user1 and 102,309 others
tagged: yourusername
y/nfanpage: folklore is finally out and i say for everyone: thank you y/n!!!! another banger i believe, what did you guys think?
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user2: my ears have been BLESSED
user3: she really looked inside my brain and created the exact thing i needed
user4: and THIS is why i have a parasocial relationship sorry!
user5: you can tell she's been writing this a long time because she still sounds so in love
user6: i don't want to be that person that makes all her music about the men but like she's so obviously still in love with ollie
user7: she put the songs invisible string and the 1 on this record and didn't think we would see that she's so in love still
user8: maybe she's hoping that he'll listen and call her?
kimiantonelli: HE BETTER FUCKING CALL JESUS CHRIST
this comment has been deleted
user8: why did an account with over a million followers just reply to me and then delete his comment?
user9: babe that was soon-to-be mercedes f1 driver kimi antonelli (he's ollie's current teammate)
user8: WHAT?
user10: surely this is a sign?
user11: mum come pick me up they've made up yet another conspiracy about y/n and ollie getting back together
user12: 1. they're still in love argue with the wall 2. fuck ur mum
user11: excuse me?
user12: i said what i said, kimi commenting has proved the fact ollie clearly misses y/n as much as folklore proves she misses him
user13: as an f1 fan it still actually boggles my mind that ollie was actually with Y/N Y/LN
user14: no it's crazy because when he got called up in saudi arabia the first thing charles said to him was 'why didn't you bring y/n we wanted to meet her'
user15: also like the way the viewer count spiked for saudi with all the y/n fans watching
user16: well some of us didn't leave so now i have another expensive hobby and an unhealthy attachment to both of them
olliebearman
liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 409,300 others
tagged: kimiantonelli
olliebearman: back to the action this weekend
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user17: thank you for my daily dose of bearnelli
user18: i can't believe both will be on the f1 grid next year đ
user19: i hate that they won't be teammates
user20: you can't separate them they're like bonded cats
charles_leclerc: so when are you growing some balls and calling y/n?
olliebearman: huh?
charles_leclerc: answer me quickly oliver or you're not getting my car in FP1
olliebearman: i don't think you can do that?
charles_leclerc: do you wanna find out the hard way?
olliebearman: i know we have this cool father son thing going and i love that but STAY THE FUCK OF MY LOVE LIFE
charles_leclerc: i don't appreciate your tone young man
charles_leclerc: and i loved folklore and want my vinyl signed :P
olliebearman: go to a meet and greet like a normal person?
charles_leclerc: JUST CALL HER FOR FUCK SAKE
user21: so everyone lost their minds over the summer break i see
user22: well i hate to say it but they have a point - y/n is in the likes
user23: they're feeding my delusions i fear
kimiantonelli: we look like a couple here.... which reminds me ... you could be in a relationship ... if you just PICKED UP THE DAMN PHONE
olliebearman: do you fucking mind?
kimiantonelli: don't speak to me like that :(
olliebearman: this is my instagram page?
kimiantonelli: you keep fucking moping and it's bringing the mood down so do something about it for the love of god
olliebearman: stop airing me out online? I SAW UR TWEET
kimiantonelli: and yet she's still in your likes THERE'S STILL TIME JACKASS
user24: we're trusting these fools to drive f1 cars?
yourusername: i can see all of these comments?
this post has been deleted
f1insider
liked by user25, user26 and 21,843 others
tagged: olliebearman
f1insider: ollie meeting fans this weekend - one fan has stated that when she asked ollie to sign her y/n y/ln shirt he was more than happy to and said that his favourite song from the new album is invisible string and said "i'm still holding my end"
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user27: so he's freaking out about charles and kimi airing him out in public when he's spouting poetry to random f1 fans
user28: I WAS THE FAN and let me tell you bro was GOING THROUGH IT
user29: how so?
user28: well first of all he did a double take when he first saw my shirt and took time to properly look at it before signing - he knew in less than 5 seconds what his favourite song was and had this far off loved up look when he said about the invisible string
user29: oh he's so down bad
user30: the way i just know kimi was there groaning up a storm
user28: you would be correct
user31: someone needs to get that dude some compensation for real
user32: bro is coming into his f1 career known by the wider community as the guy who is the eternal third wheel to a couple who have been broken up for six months
user33: i'm sorry he can't say he's still holding onto the invisible string and just expect us all to be normal about it ?
user34: you can tell he's been with y/n though because before that the most eloquent thing he's said is when he sent carlos his condolences like he DIED
user35: we can't even say he's doing it for her attention because how did he know that the fan would run to social media
user36: based on how kimi is right now i'd put a lot of money on him going on like this at all times
user37: all this to say i hope they get back together because i think seeing y/n at an f1 race would send me into cardiac arrest
user38: she'd be up there for best ever wag i won't lie
user39: i do think she'd be the best but that's also because arguably ollie is more her wag
user40: they've mastered the lovestruck look of watching the person you love doing what they love
user41: we're all going to look so dumb if they never get back together
user42: SHUSH
yourusername
liked by kimiantonelli, olliebearman and 3,209,577 others
yourusername: you thought i was done? my bonus track 'the lakes' is out now!
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user43: STUNT ON THEM HOES
user44: this is such a funny comment in the context of how the music actually sounds
user45: okay well she's stepping on the girls' neck and hearing the snap like autumn leaves on the ground
charles_leclerc: amazing song once again y/n!
yourusername: thanks charles :)
charles_leclerc: now, what are we doing about this heartbroken son of mine?
yourusername: excuse me?
charles_leclerc: don't play coy with me miss, i know you're just as pathetically sad as him so why don't you get ur head out of the sand and call him up !!!!
yourusername: you know i saw all of your comments shouting at him to do the same thing
charles_leclerc: i'm standing on business - he was the one who deleted the post
yourusername: does he know you're doing that on my post as well then?
charles_leclerc: don't be stupid i know that fool still has your notifications on i can hear his phone buzzing every time you reply - he's trying to play it cool in the engineering meeting
yourusername: and you don't have to?
charles_leclerc: i told them it was a family emergency
yourusername: charles ????
charles_leclerc: whether you like it or not you are my grid daughter in law and so it does personally pain me when you IDIOTS don't see what is right in front of you - it's not like you have to use messenger pigeons, you can make it work
user46: i know ollie is going to have a heart attack when he finally reads this comments
charles_leclerc: he just snuck to the toilet and i could hear him drop his phone from the meeting room
olliebearman: STOP ARE YOU INSANE
olliebearman: also this is not "family drama" i was genuinely worried something had happened :/
yourusername: come on ollie you should know not to trust that man by now
user47: i know ^^ this is crazy but like bro THE LAKES ??? i swear in an interview y/n spoke about it was her and ollie's dream to spend christmas by the lakes?
user48: WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK
user49: plus the replies??? basically remarried
user50: genuine question for everyone in the comments talking about her getting back with this mystery man - why did they even break up?
user51: ollie was starting his f2 season that was going to secure him an f1 drive and y/n was starting an album cycle and finishing a tour so they broke up because of distance :(
user52: NOT FOR LONG :P
olliebearman
liked by charles_leclerc, kimiantonelli and 1,204,377 others
tagged: yourusername
olliebearman: i took her to the lakes where all the poets went to die (i didn't let her die)
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user54: WE HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE BACK
user55: shout out to kimi antonelli, you survived king
yourusername: you're such a cutie pie
olliebearman: just for you
yourusername: thanks for pushing me in the water and insisting on giving me mouth to mouth .... i think it might have been a front to kiss me tho
olliebearman: sue me, i've missed it :(
yourusername: you'll never be without it ever again
olliebearman: yay 𼳠đ đ !!!!!!!!!
user56: why is he such a fucking nerd when his gf tells him she loves him
user57: he's so fucking real
charles_leclerc: FUCKING FINALLY
kimiantonelli: don't pretend you were on the front line old man
charles_leclerc: old man???? i'm 27
kimiantonelli: okay grandpa do you need directions to the nursing home
charles_leclerc: coming at me when fernando exists is a choice
kimiantonelli: i don't see fernando here complaining up a storm ?
fernandoalo_oficial: i am not taking sides here but the one time i have had a full conversation with ollie this season was during the pre-race parade and he spoke about y/n the whole time
yourusername: awwwww that's so cute bear :3
olliebearman: i told you i am obsessed with you
kimiantonelli: you don't say
olliebearman: just because you can't make references to bearnelli being real now
kimiantonelli: it's not real /??????????
yourusername: ???????
user58: just got her boyfriend back and is immediately has to battle his homoerotic situationship with his teammate
yourusername: i will never be free
olliebearman: he's just a funky lil guy babe, it would be rude to leave him out
kimiantonelli: yeah i'll take it!
kimiantonelli
liked by lewishamilton, olliebearman and 731,044 others
tagged: olliebearman, yourusername
kimiantonelli: WAR IS OVER
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user59: the way this man will never let them forget anything about this
user60: i know he's getting his evidence for his best man speech
kimiantonelli: you make a great point
olliebearman: that's a bold assumption that you would be my best man?
kimiantonelli: do not piss me off this morning oliver
yourusername: you can be my man of honour kimi :)
kimiantonelli: score !!!
olliebearman: how did we get here?
yourusername: i am weaponising your homoerotic tension against you
olliebearman: sure, you got me there
user61: are these people ever normal?
user62: nope!
user63: i know the merc and haas PR teams are shaking in their boots
user64: tbf i think haas will be welcoming it - i mean all the y/n fans will probably get the ollie merch next year ?
haasf1team: WE LOVE YOU Y/N đĽ°
haasf1team: new wheel guns here we come - thanks y/n fans!
yourusername: thanks for being our lil messenger pigeon for these rough six months, we love you kimi <3
olliebearman: we're so lucky to have someone like you in our lives, forever grateful
kimiantonelli: i know i complained the whole time, i love you guys and i'd go through this weird three way conversation all over again
charles_leclerc: okay now this is all done @yourusername when are you coming to the paddock i have a lot of vinyls for you to sign!
yourusername: you've been very loud throughout this whole situation, why should i?
charles_leclerc: BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR MUSIC
charles_leclerc: and plus i do really want the best for both of you so i let kimi play nice cop
kimiantonelli: you were NOT in on this?
charles_leclerc: YOU'RE WELCOME đ
olliebearman: let's all smile and wave
yourusername: đ
kimiantonelli: đ
yourusername
liked by kimiantonelli, charles_leclerc and 4,298,400 others
tagged: olliebearman
yourusername: i knew you were still the 1 for me x
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user66: back to flexing their love on us again
user67: i am cripplingly lonely but i am so happy for them
user68: honestly i think i've been through this breakup with them i also deserve compensation
yourusername: i only got so many hampers i'm sorry gal
maxverstappen1: is now an okay time to ask for tickets to the tour?
yourusername: yes! i'll grab you at a race and we can discuss what shows you want (spoiler alert it mostly lines up with the f1 calendar)
yourusername: also @charles_leclerc take notes on how to ask for things
maxverstappen1: schooled again bozo @charles_leclerc
charles_leclerc: EXCUSE ME I AM NUMBER 1 Y/N FAN ON THE GRID I AM ALLOWED TO BE INSANE ABOUT HAVING YOU IN THE PADDOCK
olliebearman: .... you're the biggest y/n fan on the grid?
charles_leclerc: you of course don't count
yourusername: you know what? sure! i'm just confused at this point
user69: i think this six month breakup rotted all of our brains at this point
user70: charles being a y/n fan makes a lot of sense tbf
user71: at least he didn't do the corny thing of just pretending his gf is a fan
olliebearman: i did say i'm still holding onto the end of the invisible string
yourusername: and if i told you i never let go either
olliebearman: then i know we were always meant to be
yourusername: ugh i love you
olliebearman: i love you more
kimiantonelli: i love you guys too :D
yourusername: đ đ đ we love you too kimi
olliebearman: we love you kimi :3
fin.
note: my ass finally finished a draft GOOD LORD and a first one for OLLIE !!!!!!!
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#f1 social media au#ollie bearman#ollie bearman x reader#ollie bearman imagine#ollie bearman instagram au#ollie bearman social media au#ollie bearman x you
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Hahaha, No. Not remotely. I'm saying they think that. Because the mere existence of people who aren't in The Group is an attack on The Group. As far as The Group is concerned, The Group is always the underdog, the righteously oppressed, etc. It's how these cults justify their own existence. They're not right, but once you're that deep into the process, you stop caring what objective reality has to say about your beliefs.
But that's a late phase of the process. The process starts with "who can we convince to join The Group?" That's what my whole point is about. Certain groups within the left movement haven't really reconsidered how they see men in their understanding of the world and that makes it easier for right wing groups to get that foot in the door. Be that in the form of TERFs saying "see, all men are disgusting evil monsters, join us to stop them" or misogynistic white supremacists groups saying "see, they think all men are monsters, join us and we'll stop them". The fact that both groups horseshoe around to just hating women isn't a coincidence. There has to be A Problem that The Group can convince you it alone can solve. Whether that problem actually exists is an optional step, as they frequently take broader systemic issues and blame them on a convenient scapegoat to spread hate. Buuuuuut, making it look like that problem exists by not actually confronting your own groups biases can make the issue worse and makes the bad guys jobs easier.
The point of both my tags and the original post is that people keep misunderstanding and misinterpreting feminism and leftism as just saying "man bad". Even some feminists and leftists themselves. You might know intellectually that that's not what the movement is, but you can still have some bias there. What the left is actually saying, and what needs to be completely internalize to make progress, is "men are systemically given power over women, are encouraged to abuse that power, and are socially and systemically punished for not doing so and we need to stop that".
There are honest to god people who say they support trans people and then say they hate men. They are people who say they love all queer people and then say they hate men. Hell, there are people in leftist spaces who straight up won't acknowledge trans peoples chosen identities, be they masc, fem, enby, or otherwise, because they "don't pass" and look too much like a man. Body hair, fatness, balding, those "immutable traits" he talks about that are gendered towards men. There is a problem with leftist people not examining their internal biases regarding men and I tell you that having experienced it myself. Hell, I'm not even a man and I've experienced it.
That's a lot of words to say one important thing. Leftism does not hate men. In any way. And any leftist that thinks it does is a TERF in the making. But, when you don't confront your own biases and give them impression that it does hate men through your actions, you make it monumentally easy for bad faith actors to paint you as "The Problem" that they alone can solve.
What we need to do going forward is confront the actual problem going forward. To make it clear that the problem is not just sexist men, but the systems in society that encourage and foster that behavior. Because once we're able to address the actual problems that torment people, TERFS and Right Wingers will run out of people to exploit and won't be able to paint themselves as the Solution to a Problem that they invented.
Will that do anything to stop the people in those groups who have just always been knowingly terrible? No. But it'll give them less power and less tools to exploit other people into their cause. Such terrible people will exist forever, plain and simple, but there's always more that can be done to improve ourselves and make the world better so that they can't build up that platform.
But, for arguments sake, lets say I'm reading this wrong. None of the problems with leftist approach to rhetoric and progress exist and leftists in no way contributed to the way Right Wing cults push their agenda. In that case...... you're making fun of a guy for not fully automatically unlearning everything he'd been lead to believe after getting his life together and trying to put Nazi ideologies behind him. Which makes you a spectacular asshole. So, whether the guy has any point to his rant is kinda pointless when your response makes you the dickhead in the argument regardless.
what is this "as someone who escaped the alt right pipeline" failpost I've seen so many people vague about
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08x06 fix-it fic: break and be mended
not connected to that excerpt i posted before, just something completely different. 4.5k, read on the ao3
---
Another hospital room. Buck takes a deep breath and closes his eyes again, letting it out and hoping he gets back to sleep. It doesn't happen, though, because his brain catches up to his eyes:
Maddie, wearing a yellow paper hospital mask, a hand anxiously on her belly, sitting in the chair next to him with that too-familiar oh-thank-god-you're-finally-awake face⌠and Tommy leaning in the doorway.
He takes another deep breath and opens his eyes again.
"You're okay," Maddie says patiently, slowly, as Buck tries to slam the door shut or set the doorway on fire with his brain. "It's just the turkey flu, it hit you hard."
That breaks Buck's concentration. "Wait, is this a dream? Another coma dream? Turkey flu has to be something I made up."
Maddie raises her eyebrows and looks over her shoulder at Tommy before turning back to Buck. "Another one?"
"No, no, don't look at him," Buck interrupts. "He's not supposed to be here, not when I have turkey flu, not ever. He broke up with me, remember?"
In the doorway, Tommy shifts his weight from one foot to the other. He's wearing the dark blue LAFD t-shirt and pleated pants, a special Air Ops patch on his shirt sleeve. They always lurked under his flight suit, under his turnouts when they were on the same scene, but Buck didn't get to see them often. It was for the best, he thinks now, because the shirt fits perfectly across Tommy's chest and shoulders, the pants belted low. His shirt is tucked in better than Buck's ever is. He almost never got to see him like this so it feels like some new Tommy he's seeing, a Tommy that hangs around Harbor long enough to take off his flight suit but doesn't peel the rest of his work self off. He doesn't get off his shift, put the pilot away, shower and go home.
Buck looks away. He's looked too long.
"I'm actually here, you know." Tommy raps his knuckles on the door like that's proof of anything except a very strong poltergeist. "I can hear you."
Buck watches something that he hasn't seen in years sweep across Maddie's face (mostly her eyebrows, because of the mask).
She turns around and snaps, "I let you come within ten feet of my brother and you think bitchy fun Tommy was invited, too? He was not." Tommy looks shocked and abashed; Buck loves her so much.
"Why was he invited at all, Maddie?" Buck asks. "And you're both real, right? Like I'm not hallucinating both of you. Is that a turkey flu symptom? Can I have my phone? I need to look up turkey flu."
"It's a strain of avian flu, you just happened to get it from a turkey farm. Hen said you had a call to one of those last week," Maddie explains. "And you kept giggling when I said the words turkey flu so, you know, why not?"
"It's pretty funny," Buck admits. "Hey, why's he here?"
Maddie turns around and looks at Tommy expectantly. Buck still knows his face, still knows him, and can see the quip that wants to escape past his lips. He can see the work it takes to hold it back and look sincere, really sincere, for them.
"You collapsed at a scene and I flew you over," Tommy says. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."
Buck stares at him as he presses his lips into a fine line. "I'm okay. Thanks."
Tommy nods, then asks, "Can we talk? Alone?"
It's taken four months, almost as long as they were together, but Buck's finally hearing the words he's wanted to hear since Tommy walked out his door. I'm sorry, I was scared, I love you, yes let's take the next step together, from now on let's take every step togetherâthat was Buck's first choice. Can we talk as a jumping off point for all those other thingsâthat was Buck's second choice. Was.
Buck glances at Maddie and knows his face does something dumb. "I'll be outside," Maddie says. "And I'm not far, if you want me to throw him out." She looks over her shoulder at Tommy. "I'll do it."
Tommy nods. "Wouldn't doubt you for a second."
She squeezes Buck's hand and lingers for a beat, one long look at him like she's waiting for him to say actually, wait, don't, stay, but he doesn't. He hates that he doesn't. He hates that he wants to hear what Tommy has to say.
She and Tommy swap places; he takes the chair next to Buck's bed and she leaves, shutting the door behind her. Tommy doesn't see the way she passes by the window like a shark, watching, but Buck laughs. When Tommy looks back, she's gone.
"Your sister's changed a little," Tommy says casually. "Her sense of humor, I mean."
Buck licks his lips. "Yeah, well, when you were my boyfriend, you were her friend. Now you're neither."
"Yep, got it," Tommy says. He sits back in the chair, but looks so uncomfortable that someone would think he'd never sat in one before.
"Are you okay?" Buck asks. "Why are you here?"
"This chair is so weird."
"Tommy, what do you want to talk about?"
It startles Tommy, and it should. He only got soft and smitten, totally-in-love (even if he couldn't admit it out loud) Evan Buckley, cute and bratty Evan Buckley. He doesn't get that Evan anymore. No one has.
Tommy sits with his feet flat on the floor and his hands folded in his lap. He takes a minute, a long minute, of staring at the floor before he looks up and stares at Buck. "You asked me to move in with you."
Buck blinks. "I did."
"You asked me to move in with you."
"You said that. I mean, I said that, but youâ"
"Evan," Tommy interrupts.
"I thought I was Buck now," Buck interrupts.
Bitchiness lurks on Tommy's tongue, but he holds it back. "You asked me to move in with you. Into the loft."
Buck tilts his head. "Yeah?"
Tommy shuts his eyes hard and shakes his head before he looks at Buck again. "Evan, I own a house."
"... okay?"
"Did you ask me to move in with you and expect me to give up my house?"
"What, noâ" Buck says, then stops himself. "I don'tâI didn't thinkâ"
"Did you even think about that?" Tommy asks. "Like when you talked about moving in together, getting married, the future, all of thatâdid you even remember that I own a house?"
"You know," Buck interrupts. "Four months ago, you could have said, haha, wow, that's moving pretty fast, also I own a house, maybe when we're ready, we could move into MY HOUSE and make it OUR HOUSE, but you needed to run out the door so why would you say any of that?"
"Yeah! I was freaked out! Because here was this guy Iâthis guy I really liked, and he asked me, a 40-year-old man, to move into his loft?"
"What's wrong with it? Why do you keep saying it like that?"
"It's downtown! Downtown is loud and filthy and did I mention it's noisy? It was hell sleeping there in the summer because even with your central air, heat rises and it rises right into the bedroom. I saw your electric bill, Evan, it was unforgivable."
Buck wants to throw something at him. "And we could have been at your house, quiet and with better temperature control, but we weren't because�"
"I'm just saying," Tommy continues. "Yeah, all that's true, but I realized you wanted me, wanted a future with me, and you didn't even remember that when I wasn't working or with you, I was at my house."
"I get that," Buck says. "Now how many times did we hang out at your house?"
Tommy sighs. "It's out of the way, your place was always closer to the 118 and to Harbor, and I keptâI was going to, okay? Like maybe after our anniversary, we'd take a week off together and we'd actually be at my house, or take a trip somewhereâ"
"You got me basketball tickets," Buck snipes at him.
Tommy stops completely.
"For our six month anniversary, remember?"
"How the hell am I going to forget that?"
"You got me tickets to see the Lakers. Really good tickets."
Tommy rolls his eyes. "Alright, well, that's the last time I call that guy I know in the press office for anything."
Buck thinks he's getting closer to setting something on fire with his mind. "I hate basketball."
Tommy stares at him. "What the hell are you talking about? We met because of basketball."
Buck sits up so quickly and angrily he starts wheezing and that turns into a coughing fit. Tommy's immediately there, sitting on the edge of his bed with water, getting him to take a small sip as he rubs his back. When Buck realizes what's happening, he covers his mouth with his blanket and shoves Tommy away, coughing even more.
"Sorry, I was justâ"
"I have turkey flu!" Buck yells through the blanket covering his mouth.
"The doctor said you're not contagious anymore."
Buck points at a small paper box across the room. Tommy, so put-upon, grabs a pale yellow mask and slips it on before he sits in the chair again. "Sorry."
"It'sâ" Buck halts because Tommy had grabbed two masks and was holding one out to him expectantly. Tommy motions to it again and Buck can see how he wants to make a bitchy comment about not having this conversation through a hospital blanket, but he doesn't. That's what makes Buck reach out and put the mask on. The icy fist around his heart thinks about melting.
"We didn't meet because of basketball, we met because of Bobby and Athena and the cruise ship," Buck corrects. "I wanted to see you again after that tour at Harbor but I couldn't think of another reasonâ"
"I gave you the widest of openings," Tommy interrupts. "Hello? Flight lessons? When you finally offered to buy me a beer, I almost dropped to my knees right then and there."
"But you never called me! You're the one who left to hang out with Eddie!"
Tommy throws up his hands. "Ball was in your court! Speaking of basketball."
Buck sighs, exasperated. "We weren't, like, running into each other, I didn't have a reason to call youâdon't say the beerâso finally I saw Eddie was going to that pick-up game with you and I dragged Chimney along."
"Right," Tommy says. "And you played basketball with us. We kicked your ass in a way that made me think you were pretending to be bad at it to make me feel good or something? And then there was the whole thing with Eddie's ankle."
"I hate basketball!"
"You brought your own ball!"
"I same-day ordered a basketball so that when I showed up you'd be like, wow, that guy's ready for basketball, what a cool guy!"
"So you're mad that your basketball ruse worked on my dumb ass, and worked so well for six months that I got you Lakers tickets for our anniversary."
Buck's so annoyed that he put it like that. Maybe that's true, but he didn't have to say it. "I don't like basketball! It was a ruse but I didn't hide it after. You watched games with Eddie and I never came along because I don't like basketball."
"You said you wanted us to have our Eddie-Tommy friend time!"
"Why do you make me sound and feel like a five-year-old? Eddie-Tommy friend time? Seriously?"
Tommy folds his hands together like he's in prayer and shuts his eyes. "Okay, listen, I just. I wanted to get the house thing off my chest, alright? Because it'sâit's bothered me so much."
Buck could argue about the basketball thing for about another 500 years, except that Tommy has said what he said. "Has it?"
Tommy puts his hands in his lap again, folded politely as he looks at Buck. "I meant what I said. You were so swept away in how new and exciting everything felt, that I felt like you forgot who you were talking to. Like⌠I'm not a guy who's going to move in with you. I'm a guy who has a house with a home gym and a car lift, andâand the winter was so mild that I put in this little patio space in the backyard. I bought furniture for it. I took this corner of my front lawn, too, and started to plan a pollinator's garden because they sounded really interesting after those three days of bee hell. Evan, I have a house."
"You keep saying that," Buck says. His ears are burning, but he's listening too intently to feel embarrassed about it (much).
"I freaked out, alright? Because I heard: give up your house to live in this downtown loft with a couch that has a faded but GIANT blood and placenta stain on the other side of the cushion, and then the words engaged and married got thrown in there, too? All in the same breath?"
Buck stares flatly, then nods. "Yeah. I get it. Sorry." He clears his throat and grabs his water before Tommy can offer it to him. He takes a sip, looking at Tommy before he nods at the closed door. "Are we done here?"
"And I'm not a gay rights hero," Tommy adds. "You said that, too." Tommy looks away, and looks so miserable. "I'm just a guy, Evan. I've been burned before by younger guys who thought I was everything that their first gay boyfriend should be, and thenâand they didn't see who I was. It's alwaysâ" Tommy holds out his hands like he's balancing scales. "Not straight enough to fake a life with a woman, not gay enough to have a real life with a man."
Buck hasn't done this in so long that his throat almost aches with it. He sighs, pained and breathless, the word crinkling against the mask: "Tommy." He swallows again and asks, "Did you really think that was me?"
Another long pause. It ends with Tommy saying, "I thought you were too good to be true."
"I'm not, though, I'mâI'm just me," Buck says. "And I did have a lot to figure out, but not about you."
Tommy laughs suddenly. "Really? Because you forgot I was a homeowner and I didn't know you hated basketball. Did you even go to that game?"
Buck coughs. "I gave the tickets to Karen and she took one of her brothers. They're nuts about the Lakers."
"Huh," Tommy says. "Well. I'm not mad about that."
The two of them are quiet until Buck says, "Seems there's a lot of things we don't know about each other."
Tommy glances at him; Buck can see the shape of his smirk beneath the mask, and the very specific way it makes his eyes crinkle. "And just when we thought we knew everything about each other."
"Yeah, I thought that, too, and then you dropped that you were engaged to my first serious girlfriend at our six month anniversary dinner." Buck raises his eyebrows. "Do you land helicopters that smoothly, too?"
"I got you here, didn't I?" Tommy bites back, then catches himself with a laugh. "Okay. Fair point."
It's so easy, it's so easy, it's so easy, it's so easy and Buck hasn't had it easy for months. He hasn't had these quips, this back-and-forth, this person who got him until he didn't, whoâBuck rubs at his eyes. Tommy made it easy. He made everything easy. Not perfect, not effortless, but easy. Easier.
"So, uh." Buck fusses with the blanket in his lap. "What have you been doing for the past four months? You, uhâŚ"
"Am I seeing anyone?" Buck nods. "I was, yeah. Didn't last that long."
Buck can't help himself: "Neither did we."
"Ouch." Tommy looks back. "And you?"
"Yeah," Buck says. "I liked them but I broke up with them because it justâit wasn't going anywhere."
"And what's wrong with that? Staying in one place? Isn't that what you wanted for us?"
It's not, but Buck can't articulate it, so he says, "Do you think that's the same?"
A beat, and then Tommy says: "No. No, I don't."
"Tommy," Buck says quietly. "How many people do I have to be with before you decide I've figured it out?"
Tommy's eyes widen. "What? I never said that."
"Tell me what you said, then." Buck swallows painfully, that turkey flu kicking his ass harder than he thought. "Tell me what you meant when you said I didn't know what I wanted. Because I told you what I wanted. I told you I was ready for something and all the things we did together, I thought that you believed me. I guess you didn't, so tell me how many bodies it'll take before you believe me."
Tommy doesn't say anything.
"God, and you know what really sucks?" Buck asks. "That we were together long enough to talk about who we'd been with so we could get tested and be safe. We talked about all that, but I never told you how many times I'd had my heart broken and you never told me yours."
"Three," Tommy eventually says. "Shawn, who was like⌠all of 25. He was all-in, knowing for sure that the first time was the charm, and I was old enough and steady enough to be That Guy. I believed the hype even though I was barely out of the closet. I shouldn't throw stones at Abby's House of Himbos when I set up my own on the other side of town. And then there was Raúl, my Army buddy who came out to his family and immediately moved to LA to get away from them. Everything felt like a fresh start for him, but⌠not quite for me."
Buck thinks to ask, but Tommy beats him to it. "Do I need to say the third?" Buck shakes his head. "What about you?"
"Abby, and you." Buck looks at Tommy as he says, "It's not just ending things with someone because it doesn't work. It's heart break. Something's gotta break and be mended."
"I don't think I did that part. You've one-upped me there."
Buck wouldn't have believed that 20 minutes ago, but he believes it now.
"So Bobby's been there, watched me since I was Abby's himbo and helped me to grow into the person who wanted that stuff with you. Once he, kinda, told me that if I care about how people see me, then I haven't learned a damn thing," Buck says. "And that is and isn't true, here. I can't live hoping I meet people's expectations of what they think I should be. I want peopleâI wanted youâto see me as I am. I thought you did but you didn't, and I didn't either because I didn't see how scared you were. I've made my peace with that. We had something really special and made each other feel really good but, in the end, I guess we were saying all the right things to people we didn't know."
Tommy listens, considers, and nods. "Whole lot of past tense, there."
Buck glances at him and doesn't want to look away, but he does. He doesn't meet Tommy's eyes. He's scared, too. He's done enough today: said a lot of things he's been thinking about for four months and said them very calmly and thoughtfully, but this is gonna hurt. It hurt Buck to realize it and it's gonna hurt Tommy to hear it.
"You got what you wanted, right?" Buck asks. "You got to keep your heart, and I don't feel new and excited anymore." Buck inhales deep; it hurts. "I feel like I did before, like I'm short one piece of being whole. Now the ocean I have to search is so much wider and deeper. So thanks for that, I guess."
"Evanâ"
"I let you into my family," Buck interrupts sharply. "Because I cared about you and because you fit. I fit because they're mine and that's my family I made, and you fit there right next to me. With us."
"You're absolutely right."
Buck watches him, tries to see behind the sunshine yellow and white mask on his face, but all he sees are his eyes that, like always, make Buck feel too much, like laser beams disintegrating him.
"Were you really that scared?" Buck can't help the way his voice cracks. "You were that scared of me?"
Tommy looks up again, lasers in place. "I was that in love with you." He shakes his head like he did that last night in the kitchen, and looks up like he'll tip the tears back into his eyes. "And those heartbreaksâyou'd leave them light-years behind if I let you. You'd leave me light-years behind."
Buck nods, then says, "Could you leave, please." His wet breathing crinkles grossly in the mask. "Thanks for telling me all this, thanks for the closure, but I don't need to see what someone looks like after they've walked away from me."
"You collapsed at a scene three days ago and I was the closest pilot to medevac you here," Tommy says slowly. "You were delirious and told Shreya, Don't tell Tommy I'm sick, he doesn't care anymore."
Tommy clears his throat. "I do care. I never stopped."
Buck sits back in his hospital bed and pulls the blanket up to his neck, the only comfort he's got right now. "If this is a turkey flu dream, I'm gonna be so pissed at you, real you," Buck says.
Tommy laughs quietly, sadly, then hesitates for a moment. "Can I ask you something? Can I ask you the scariest thing I've ever asked anyone in my entire life?"
Buck doesn't move, doesn't breathe. "What is it?" he finally asks.
"Will you give me a second chance?"
Buck, hearing what he's quietly dreamed of hearing for four months, doesn't feel the euphoria he thought he would. He feels something else, though: a strange kind of wonder that someone wants him again. Again. He swallows hard, feeling the pain right in his turkey-flu-ridden throat. Someone knew him. Someone left him. Someone came backâcame back for him.
Tommy left. Tommy came back. Tommy wanted him then. Tommy wants him now. Tommy's wanted him all along.          Â
Buck asks, "Will you invite me to your place more than once every six months?"
Tommy's half-smile is still wide enough for Buck to see behind the mask. It falls, though, back into something serious. "Will you forgive me when I'm not a paragon of queer virtue?"
"Will you believe me when I tell you I've fucked around and found out enough for a lifetime?"
Tommy raises his eyebrows ever so slightly. "Will you believe me when I tell you I've fucked around and found out enough for a lifetime?"
Buck thinks he smiles a little behind his mask, but it doesn't stay. "Are we gonna break up again?"
"I don't know," Tommy admits. "But maybe next time we can stop each other and hit the brakes. I love romcoms, but maybe we don't do that again: you don't propose fixing a problem with marriage and a baby, and I won't run out the door."
Buck raises his eyebrows, too. "Who said anything about a baby?"
Tommy sputters. "I mean, you were the one raising the stakes before."
Buck laughs. "Right, right."
The quiet stretches out between them. They look at each other and don't look away. The stubborn, proud, cocky side of Buck feels annoyed that this feels likeâlike he can't get out of this. Like all roads lead back to Tommy, like he doesn't have a choice. Like if he wants to be happy, it's with this person.
A part of him wants to run and throw himself into the hunt again. He wants to thrive in the search for someone who makes him feel that euphoria and fondness and love that he felt with Tommy. He tries to imagine someone else, some vague smoky figure that isn't Tommy's height, Tommy's build, Tommy's arms crossed over his chest and that tilt of his head. The problem is that Buck feels more looking at that furrow and arch of his eyebrows than he's felt for anyone he's met in the past four months, maybe even longer.
Not all roads lead to Tommyâonly the ones he wants to take.
"Say it again?" Buck asks.
Tommy nods ever so slightly. "I'm in love with you." He pauses and a smile reaches his eyes. "I love you."
Buck can't help the way his eyes water; neither can Tommy.
"Ask me again," Buck says.
"Will you give me a second chance?"
"Yeah." Buck wonders if his own smile reaches his eyes. He hopes it does. "Yeah. Will you?"
Tommy chokes out a laugh behind his mask. "Yeah, god, of course. Of course. You sure?"
"About you?" Buck asks. "Yeah. I mean, I want to be. Don't make me regret it."
"Don't make me give up my real estate."
"Don't make me go to any sports events."
"Seriously? Not even baseball?"
"God," Buck moans. "The sleepiest one of all."
"Hockey's good."
"You hate the Kings."
Tommy scoffs. "Of course I do. You always hate your local teamsâyou just hate visiting teams more. Can't let management get comfortable."
Buck attempts to take a deep, exasperated breath, but he forgets that he has the fucking turkey flu. He chokes and starts to cough and wheeze, but Tommy's there again. He freely, lovingly pushes Buck further to the other side of the hospital bed so he can sit and take care of him: water, tissues, hand on his chest to steady him, eyes worried and on him.
"It's not official until you kiss me," Buck says. "I'm not contagious."
"I mean, not with turkey flu," Tommy says. "Your Buckness? That I'm not so sure."
"Don't call me that anymore," Buck says.
Tommy puts his cup of water on the table next to Buck's bed, then shifts so he and Buck are closer, face-to-face, head on looking at each other. "How'd you get even brattier in only four months?"
"How'd you forget I was this bratty?"
"At my age, well, everything's starting to go."
Buck laughs, then coughs and wheezes. "Stop making me laugh."
"How'd you forget I was this funny?"
Buck tilts his head. "I didn't. I didn't forget a thing."
Tommy searches his face, then cups his jaw with one hand. Buck doesn't lean into it, just lets Tommy hold him as he tips Buck's chin up ever so slightly.
Then Tommy kisses his forehead and his birthmark, and wraps his arms around Buck. It's the warmest Buck has felt all winter. It finally feels like spring.
---
read on the ao3
#911 fic#bucktommy fic#bucktommy#fix-it fic#tevan#tevan fic#tommy kinard#evan buckley#maddie han#my fic#screamlet#this may as well happen
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Crash Course in Love ⢠3
pairing: snowboard instructor!Jungkook x ex-gf!reader (feat. platonic OT6) genre: rom-com, Exes 2 Lovers, slow-burn, angst rating: 18+, MDNI warnings: strong language, slow burn, angst, tension, bad communication skills, heartbreak, hangover, doubts, emotional rollercoaster, fight against nature, being stranded, crying, verbal fighting and screaming, explicit sexual content, bit of dry humping, fingering, scissoring, unprotected sex, breast play, hickeys, scratch marks, love bites, lmk if I forgot smth word count: 15.3k
a/n: i'm absolutely knackered now, completely worn out. BUT it was sooooo worth it lol hope y'all enjoy it to the fullest bc next update probably won't be until the new year...sooooo...have funnnn!
a/n 2: This work is purely fictional. All characters and events are entirely imaginary and do not reflect reality. No translations are allowed without permission. Thank you for understanding! đ
01 ⢠02 ⢠masterlist ⢠04
Day 4
âFuck.â
You think youâve woken up in hellâit must beâbecause, oh god, you feel like death. Your eyes are crusted shut, and you canât feel your legs. But as you rub the sleep out of your eyes and prop yourself up on your elbows, you realise itâs just Namjoon lying across them, snoring away.
You try to take in the room, piecing together the hazy puzzle of last night. The party, the song, you running off only to drown yourself with Yoongi and Namjoon in alcohol, throwing your own little after-party. You remember crying, remember singing your heart out to sad love songs blaring through Dionysus. What a fucking mess youâve becomeâŚ
But after all that chaos, thereâs only blackness. And seeing Yoongi and Namjoon still here with you in the suite, all of you fully dressed and reeking of alcohol, tells you enough. And as you groan, not just from the bottomless pit of stupidity, but from the pounding in your head, you let yourself collapse back onto your pillow.
You fight back another wave of tears, wishing the last 24 hours could just be erased, wishing you were back at home. You fumble blindly for your phone, finding it on the nightstand nearby.
2:56 p.m.
Just brilliant. Though, at least youâre spared from spending the whole day on the slopes. Not that youâd be able to walk straight with how youâre feeling, but a winâs a win.
You need to get up, though, so you start stirring both men awake. Yoongiâs not blocking you, but if youâre up, he has to be as well. Much to your surprise, both of them wake without protest, getting themselves into a sitting position on the bed, looking like zombies straight out of The Walking Dead. You reckon you look about the same.
âSorry,â Namjoon mumbles as you begin massaging some blood back into your legs, which feel like theyâre fighting for dear life.
âSâalright,â you croak out, unable to manage much more.
âPainkillers.â Yoongi just sits there, staring at his blanket, the rise and fall of his chest the only proof heâs still alive, though barely.
You and Namjoon both nod, but no one actually moves until, eventually, Namjoon risesâslowly, hands leaving the mattress only at the last second before he somehow straightens up and makes his way to the door, though itâs anything but a straight line.
Youâre the second to get up, staggering into the bathroom to wash off everything clinging to you. Youâre not sure if itâs just dried sweat or a bit of alcohol still on your skin, though you have a vague memory of Tae pouring something over your back. Either way, youâre in desperate need of a full shower to feel human again.
The only upside to this hangover is that your mind has finally shut up. Every bit of energy is focused on basic bodily functions, like breathing without throwing up and blinking your bloodshot eyes now and then. Youâre not even fazed when Yoongi stumbles in, taking a piss that seems to go on forever; he clearly couldnât give a fuck, and neither can you.
When youâve finished rinsing your hair and are wrapped in a towel thatâs too soft to absorb any actual moisture, you quietly switch places with Yoongi, both of you unintentionally making a point not to make eye contact.
Youâre not entirely sure why youâre still hereânot just in this town but on this entire trip. Thereâs no real drive left in you to give Jungkook closure, no fight in you at all, and definitely no desire to ever see him again.
So, you decide to get the hell out of here. Not right this second, no, your blood alcohol is likely still sky-high and will take a nosedive soon, taking you down with it, but tomorrow, youâre leaving. Itâs the healthiest thing you could do, because frankly, you lost Jungkook years ago, and that realisation sobers you up more than anything else could.Â
It doesnât stir the same emotions it once did as you pull Jungkookâs old hoodie out of your luggageâor maybe youâre just too tired to careâas you tug the oversized black fabric over your head, the only comfortable thing youâd brought on this trip. Some leggings on, with your phone stuffed into the front pocket of the hoodie, you make your way to the main area, letting your eyes roam to maybe spot your missing phone case.
Jungkookâs already lounging in a single armchair, poking absently at the fire with an iron stick, his gaze tracking you as you move around the room. But you ignore him. Itâs not like youâre being petty this time, and he can probably tell from your posture that youâre just not in the mood to interact at all.
Youâre especially glad he doesnât mention yourâor rather, hisâhoodie, and when you give up the search, realising the case isnât lying around here either, you shuffle over to the sofa, collapsing onto it and immediately pulling out your phone. Scrolling through YouTube, you pull the hoodieâs hood down a bit further to block out Jungkook entirely, settling on a spa video promising a very satisfying blackhead extraction.
If your lifeâs this miserable, youâre at least going to give yourself this kind of satisfaction, even if itâs short-lived. And anyway, there are millions of similar videos waiting for you and your lonely ass.Â
Namjoon emerges midway through your video, nudging your legs to make space for him. You shift, but only to let your legs settle in his lap as soon as he sits down.
âHere,â he offers, handing you two painkillers, which you take like theyâre sweets, chewing them up so they might kick in faster. He pulls a disgusted face, but it quickly fadesâprobably canât be bothered to waste any energy as well.Â
âJimin brought food,â Jungkook breaks the silence, still poking at the fire. âShould I get you some?â
Youâre not sure if heâs talking to you or Namjoon, but you answer anyway. âIâm good, thanks.â
Maybe he expected a different answer, as his stick pauses for a moment, but you couldnât care less. The chance to talk things out has passed, along with your will. Itâs on him now. Youâve seen and heard enough.
âWhy did you leave the party so early?â he tries again.
âIt was because of me, I justââ
You cut Namjoon off; he really doesnât need to do this for you. âStop lying, I wanted to leave, and Namjoon and Yoongi didnât want me to be alone.â
âWhy?â
You pause your video, turning to meet Jungkookâs eyes. Heâs bouncing his leg and chewing on his lip ring again, but itâs not your problem if heâs anxious or whatever. âNone of your business.â
Namjoon gives your knee a slight squeeze, and while Jungkook turns his attention back to the flames like youâre the one whoâs hurt him, he can go fuck himself. Youâre not dealing with him right now. Not when heâs got Hara pregnant and sings love songs for her.Â
Yoongi enters at that moment, settling into the armchair beside Jungkook and just managing to catch the two painkillers Namjoon tosses his way.
Silence returns, and you restart your video, losing yourself in the meditative extractions.
âCan I get a haaaawyeah?!â Tae bursts into the hostel, bringing Hope and Hara with him. Three of the four present groan in agony at the sudden noise, and youâre one of them. Still, you shift to sit up, making room for them to join.
Youâre not sure why Hara chooses to sit next to you, quietly handing over a takeaway box of food with that warm, familiar smile of hersâyou know itâs got to be from Jinâs.Â
âIâm not hungry,â you mumble, the bite you had a few minutes ago already feeling like it never had been there to begin with.
âPlease, eat something. Your body needs it.â
Sheâs right, but you canât bring yourself to even lift the lid, staring blankly at it as if itâll somehow reveal yet another surprise youâre not ready for. You know itâs not Haraâs fault youâre feeling like this, or that Jungkook chose her, but right now, all you can feel is bitterness, and her kindness only multiplies it.
Almost unconsciously, you glance up and find Jungkookâs eyes fixed on you, his leg still bouncing lightly, clearly tuned out from the lively conversation between the other guys.
Youâve kept this empty space in your heart reserved for him for so long, never realising heâd never fill it again. You just donât have the energy for this anymore, the will to keep playing his game where he pulls you back into his world only to remind you youâre no longer really part of it. Not properly.
You wonder if Jungkook even realises what heâs doing, if he has any clue about how his actions come across. Or maybe heâs just as stuck as you, caught up in his patterns and too blind to see beyond them. The care and worry in his eyes when he looks at you, when he notices you making poor choices for your healthâmaybe, you reason, itâs just because he doesnât know how to be any other way and nothing more.Â
But thatâs the thing about Jungkook: he genuinely cares. And thatâs why heâs going to be the best dad on this earthâjust not to your children.
âIâm really not hungry.â You think you see Jungkookâs jaw tick just a bit, but he again chooses to say nothing, his gaze, though, never wavering from you.
âI didnât mean to, but damn, that woman was something else,â Tae bursts, sprawled on the floor in front of you, accidentally nudging your knee as he laughs with the others.
âWho?â you ask, trying to tune into the conversation just to get away from the other.Â
âThat woman who was sitting by the bar all night. Tae pulled her,â Hope bursts out laughing, especially at your disgusted, shocked face.
âWas she any good?â Namjoon inquires, like itâs the most normal thing to ask about a one-night stand.
âWhat can I say? She taught me things I didnât even know existed.â
Yep, that infoâs enough to make you gag for real, and judging by Yoongi and Jungkookâs expressions, theyâre feeling the same.
âWant some?â you offer Yoongi the box, hoping to steer the conversation away fromâŚwhatever this is. But he just shakes his head, clearly not ready to risk upsetting his stomach as well.Â
Heâs pale as it is, and you can see the colour drain from his already bloodshot eyes at the sight of food. Poor man.Â
âJungkook, you hungry?â Hara offers softly, and you canât help but glance at him again.Â
His bouncing leg stills the instant she speaks to him. And even though itâs trueâJungkook can eat like a bottomless pit, never saying no to foodâyou donât really want to interact with him right now. But, some things havenât changed at all it seems, like you not being able to say no when it comes to him.Â
Jungkook looks at you with those big, hopeful eyes, as if to say just eat it yourselfâheâd never, like all those years ago, take food from you when itâs clear youâre barely eating yourself. But you just canât, and with that, you get up, lean over the small coffee table separating you both, and offer him the box with both hands, a small, shaky smile on your face.
Jungkook stands up too, reaching for the food between you. You think heâll just take it, but his hands cover yours, brushing over them until they settle on the container, and then, finally, he takes it. It catches you off guard, not just because he touched you first and not the box, but because it was absolutely deliberate.
Why he did it, you donât know, but all you can think about is getting away fast before all your bottled-up emotions explode in your face.
âCanâŚuhâŚcan someone drive me to the nearest petrol station?â you ask, standing there rooted to the spot, feeling your cheeks burn with embarrassment as everyone looks up at you.
Jungkookâs half a mind to put the box back on the table and get up again, but Hope springs up from his spot beside Taehyung, fishing his keys from his pocket. âIâve got you.â
âThanks, Iâll just get ready.â You cast him a quick, grateful look and head to your room, eyes down.
Hope just saved you there, because if Jungkook had offered to drive, you donât know what youâd have done. Sure, you want him to be happyâyouâre not some heartless person who wishes bad things on people, especially those who areâŚwereâŚclose to you.
 But what about your happiness? Donât you deserve to find peace too? To protect yourself? So yes, youâll take every bit of help you can get, even if itâs just a lift to the petrol station.
You didnât mean to startle so violently when you turned to close the suite door, but honestly, you hadnât even heard Hara following you, moving soundlessly like a ghost.
âCâŚcan I help you?â Youâre gripping the door until your knuckles turn white under your sweater paws, the door not even fully open anymore.
âCan I come in?â
Itâs like something out of a nightmare, knowing you canât turn her away just because Haraâs never done anything to hurt you. You have to remind yourself again and again that sheâs not the villain here, chanting it silently in your head, trying to drown out the hurt that wonât go away whenever you look at her.
So, you nod, opening the door a bit wider, then turn around to let her in and busy yourself with âlookingâ for your phone case, just so you donât have to face her.
âAre you okay?â
Her words break through the sound of the bedding as you give it a shake, hoping your case might fall out, but of course it doesnât. Just like the right answer isnât coming to you now, not to her question.
Maybe youâre okay, as okay as you can be. Maybe youâre not. Either way, youâre definitely not making her your therapistânot when sheâs involved in all this stupid mess.Â
âYeah, sure. Are you?â
âYeah, the sickness finally went away. I just hope I start to show soonâitâs getting weird at this point.â
You move around the room, checking every corner, stopping only when you spot an edge of your phone case outside on the porch, half-buried in the snow beside the jacuzzi.
âHow far along are you?â
âSeventeenth weekâŚweâll find out the gender soon.â Thereâs a subtle cheer in her voice that makes your heart soften for a moment.
It must be incredible to be expecting, especially to finally know the babyâs gender and go a bit mad with shopping. Youâre sure youâd be the same, and Hara likely will be, too.
You glance her way, offering a small, warm smile before opening the door to the porch. âGot a feeling what itâll be?â
Hara comes closer to the door as you step outside, staying in the warmth while leaning against the frame. âYes? No? Maybe?â She laughs. âSome days I swear itâs a boy, and then others Iâm convinced itâs a girl. Tomorrowâs the appointment, soâŚI hope mini-me reveals its gender and isnât shy.â
You giggle, fishing the icy case out of the snow and brushing off the clinging flakes. As you come back inside, Hara moves aside, settling herself on the edge of the bed while you grab a discarded shirt of Yoongiâs to dry the case off.
âHeyâŚuhâŚI donât quite know how to start this, butâŚI know youâre not doing alright.â
The glance you throw her way is wary rather than hostile, but still, you donât want a pep talk from her.
âPlease, just talk to each other.â
Biting your lip, you really donât want to say anything. Yes, you probably should talk to Jungkook, but then again, maybe you shouldnât. Heâs had countless chances to say something, to open up if he had any thoughts at allâand heâs used none of them. Not even when you broke up with him. He stayed silent, like he is now.
Maybe he just doesnât want to talk, not really, and youâre done waiting and being the one to start things.
âThereâs nothing left to talk about. But I appreciate your concern.â
Hara just nods, staring down at the floor, rubbing her hands together between her knees while you pull on your coat and tuck your phone safely into its case.
âItâs a nice case. Did you paint it yourself?â
You glance at your phone, rubbing your thumb over the faded paint that was once so bright. You couldnât bring yourself to get rid of it after the breakup, even though it reminds you of everything good about your time with Jungkook. Maybe thereâs some masochistic streak in you that wants to punish yourself for everything you did and didnât do. Maybe itâs time to let go of all the memories that keep pulling you back to a time thatâs long gone.
âNo.â You sigh, tucking it away in your coat pocket with your purse and heading to the door. You pause with your hand on the handle, checking to see if Haraâs following, which she is. Sheâs right behind you again, and this time, you just let out a startled scream internally, hoping you donât flinch too visibly.
Opening the door, you let her pass first, just to keep her in your sight this time, but as soon as youâre near the entrance to the main area, she stops, raising a hand. You give her a puzzled look, but she only points to one of her ears, so you lean in, trying to make out whatâs being said.
First, you catch the voices of Taehyung and Namjoon, Taehyungâs voice too loud and distinct not to notice. But when you listen a bit harder, you pick up Hope and Jungkook having a different conversation, probably a little further from the others.
âI know! I know youâre a good driver. JustâŚâ
âJust? Câmon, whatâs going on with you, C?â
âJust⌠take care of her, okay?â
âWhy wouldnât I? Youâre acting like Iâm some boy whoâs just got his licence and canât be trustedââ
The rustling of your coat drowns out the rest of their conversation as you step into the room, deciding not to eavesdrop any longer. You glance around briefly, and of course, Jungkookâs eyes find yours again, but you quickly turn towards Yoongi, resting your hands on his shoulders from behind where heâs still slouched on the one-seater. He wraps his hand around your wrist, his thumb gently brushing over your pulse.
âWhy was my case out in the snow?â you murmur into his ear, which earns a lazy laugh from him. He peeks over his shoulder at you, his voice still raspy from his hangover as he murmurs back.
âYou thought you could yeet it away and be done with it.â
Your cheeks go warm again; drunk-you is really ridiculous in every possible way. Youâre just grateful it was only Namjoon and Yoongi who saw your breakdown, and no one else.
âRight.â
âStay safe, yeah?â
He gives your wrist a gentle squeeze, and when your eyes meet again, even though his are still glassy from last nightâs antics, thereâs that quiet care in them only real family can have.Â
âI will. Thanks for being there for me, Yoongs.â You press a quick kiss to his head and give him a brief squeeze around his shoulders, only for him to dramatically fake his own demise.
Straightening up, you meet Hopeâs eyes, give him a quick nod, and head towards the door. Jungkook moves with the two of you, holding the door open without taking his eyes off you. His gaze is so intense that you canât keep eye contact, mumbling a quiet, hurried âthanksâ and âbyeâ as you follow Hope to his car.
You wouldnât have thought Hope would drive a brand-new car, especially a vibrant red one. You wonder if an equipment rental shop really makes that much of a profit or if everyone in this town is just batshit rich. At least youâll be safeâmuch safer than youâd be with Tony.
âSo, how longâs the drive?â you ask, taking in the carâs interior while buckling up in the passenger seat. You notice the soft leather under your bum and the chrome trim around the touchscreen on the console.
âMaybe twenty or thirty minutes, depends on whether the roads are clear or still covered in snow.â
You hum in acknowledgment, tucking your hands under your thighsânot only because theyâre still cold from the short walk outside, but also to avoid the urge to touch anything and risk breaking something youâd never be able to replace.
The carâs rolling down the steep hill you came from a few days ago in no time, and Hopeâs both hands are steady on the wheel, which helps you relax in your seat. Heâs definitely a good driver, like Yoongi, Jungkook, or your dadâthe kind you can actually relax around without fearing for your life.
âSoâŚwould you be a kind soul and tell me what youâre all talking about in that group chat, especially about me?â
Of course you had to askâwhy wouldnât you, now that youâre alone with someone whoâs clearly in on the whole scheme?
âSure, why wouldnât I?â
âDunnoâŚmaybe because of Namjoon.â
âOh, Iâm not scared of him.â Hope laughs heartily, but his eyes donât stray from the dark, snow-covered road ahead.
âSoooâŚ?â
âSo, you should just talk to C. Thatâs what weâre all talking about.â
âWow, wouldnât have thought of that.â
âSo whyâre you asking if thatâs not the answer you wanted?â
You fall silent.
âListen. You and C are both hurting. And the only way forward is for you both to learn how to communicate properly, aka talk to each other.â
âThereâs really nothing left to talk about.â
âWhyâs that?â
âHeâs clearly moved on, no?â
Like, duh.
âHas he now?â
Duh?âŚ
âYeah, with HaraâŚand the baby on its way.â
Were you wrong all this time? It canât be.
âOh, boyâŚâ
âDonât âoh boyâ me.â
âWhy do you think heâs with Hara?â
Youâre trying not to show how hard it is to think clearly in your state, but the time it takes you to respond says it all. âItâs obvious.â
âIs it? Because it sounds like youâre seeing things how you want to, not how they actually are.â
âRude.â
âItâs true.â
âYouâre really forward for someone I barely know.â
âWeâre not strangers, __.â Hope side-eyes you pointedly, making you scoot a tiny bit deeper into your seat.
âBasically, we are.â
âNo, weâre not friends yet, but weâre not strangers either.â
So what does this mean for you and Jungkook? Heâs not exactly a friend anymore, but heâs not a stranger either. OrâŚmaybe he is. God, your brain feels like itâs about to explode any minute now.
âPeople change, Hope. Jungkookâs changed.â
Hope lets a short silence settle between you, his fingers tapping softly against the leather wheel as if heâs thinking about what to say next. Only now do you realise thereâs no sound from the engine, and you clock that heâs driving an electric carâeven though he lives in the mountains, in the cold.
âHave you?â
Youâre half-tempted to just say yes, but is that really true? Youâre not sure. Maybe youâve matured a bit, but not enough to feel like a different person. What you do know for sure is that any growth you might have had stopped the moment you left Jungkook. Youâve been so caught up in trying to heal and be someone youâre not that you havenât really evolved into the person you could have been.
Anything reallyâmaybe a better person, but somehow still the same you. So, what have you become in the last few years? Are you the same? Or not quite?
âNot sure.â
Hope just nods, not as if heâs simply acknowledging what you said, but as if he already knew your answer. Itâs uncanny how much talking to him reminds you of Yoongi, both of them having that same no-bullshit approach.
âListen, Iâm not here to play mediator,â yep, definitely like Yoongi, ânor are the others. You need to talk to him, get things sorted before itâs too late.â
âWhat if itâs already too late?â
âI donât think so.â
âYouâre so positive.â You whine pathetically.Â
âAnd youâre a chronic pessimist.â He mimics you.Â
âIâm just cautious.â You pull your hands from under your thighs and throw them in the air, more to get your point across than anything.
âNo, youâre scared of what might never happen.â
Ouch. But heâs notâŚnot right.
âIâm not. Iâm doing snowboarding now, arenât I?â
âSo why are we heading to the nearest petrol station if youâre meant to be snowboarding all week?â
You shut your mouth and slide your hands back under your thighs, as if that might help you disappear. Maybe you werenât as subtle as you thought, and not only Hope but everyone elseâincluding Jungkookâhas seen right through you. Is that why Hara wanted to talk to you earlier? Urging you to finally talk to Jungkook?
âGotcha,â Hope giggles slightly, though when he sees your sad pout, he reaches over to give your knee a quick squeeze before returning his hand to the wheel.
âAlright, Iâm sorry if I hurt your feelings.â Okay, maybe not exactly like Yoongi. âBut from what Iâve seen and heard, you liked snowboarding. And Iâd say you probably enjoyed everything else youâve done before, too.â He glances over at you. âCorrect me if Iâm wrong.â
You just give a noncommittal shrug.
âYou need to trust yourself and your capabilities a bit more. Start having faith in the positive outcomes, not just the negative ones, yeah? Youâll never be able to live without fear if you overthink everythingâŚespecially things with Jungkook.â
Your pout deepens, a light sheen of tears coating your lashes, which you tell yourself are just from the hangover crashing down on you now, not from facing the uncomfortable truth of your very persona.Â
âI know itâs hard, ___. But sometimes thinking the worst makes it real, even though the outcome couldâve been different if youâd just had a bit more faith.â
âAre you talking about snowboarding or Jungkook?â
âBoth.â He giggles again, and you canât help but join in, sniffing your nose a little.
When just then another small town and the petrol station come into view, you straighten up in your seat, realising youâd been slouching more and more throughout the drive.
Even though youâre not looking forward to stepping outside into the cold, youâre glad for a bit of a cooldown, just to ease your exhaustion.
Hope parks his car right next to the petrol pump, and as soon as he turns it off, you both get out and head to the boot where two big empty canisters are waiting.
âHere, Iâll go to the one right behind this one.â He offers you one of the canisters, and while you take it, youâre still confused.
âI only need one, though.â
Heâs already unscrewed his, pumping petrol as he leans to the side to look at you.
âYeah, this oneâs for me.â
Youâre still confused, but you start filling your canister anyway.
âIsnât your car electric?â
âYeah, but I need emergency petrol for the generator in case thereâs an outage and the babyâs coming.â
You freeze. Is HopeâŚ? Oh god, you were so wrong all this time. Relief floods through you, so intense that tears spring to your eyes. Jungkookâs not the baby daddy.
âYouâre Haraâs baby daddy?â you squeak.
âGosh, no!â
And now you think you might throw up, the tears shifting back to the heartbreak of yesterday.
âAreum, my wife, sheâs seven months pregnant. You missed her yesterday with your epic escape.â
âOh. Uh, congratulations.â
But you only hear a snort from behind the pump.
Not wanting to fill the canister completely, you settle on half, afraid you might not have enough left in your bank account. Youâre not exactly broke, but youâre worried your employer hasnât transferred your pay on time. Again.
âIâm off to pay,â you mumble as you pass Hope and head into the small, warm station, where a young teenager plagued with acne stands behind the counter, his eyes barely lifting from his phone throughout your whole exchange.
âYour cardâs declined, miss.â
The remaining colour drains from your face at his words. This really canât be happening.
âCould youâŚcould you try again, please?â
The teenager just rolls his eyes, and if you werenât so mortified, youâd probably give him some shit for being so rude. But again, the familiar sound of your card being declined fills the little station, and when he hands your card back, you just mumble, âJust a second, please,â before stepping to the far corner by the cooling systems and getting your phone out.
And sure enough, your banking app shows youâre completely drained. Fuck. So thereâs only one option left, then.
âPick up, pick up, pick up.â
âYo,â Yoongi grumbles, and youâre pretty sure you can hear Jungkookâs panicked voice in the background, asking whatâs happened.
âI need your help,â you whisper, glancing over at the teenager to check if he can hear, but heâs already engrossed in his phone again.
âWhat do you need?â
âIâm short on cash. I canât payââ
âWhy?â
Yoongiâs tone isnât accusatory in the slightest, just genuinely surprised. Hope comes into the station now too, cocking a brow at you, which you try to ease with a shaky smile.
âMy employerâs late with my pay. Again. And the trip and, uhâŚit all justâŚâ
âIâm sorry,â Yoongi says, flat, almost monotone, but you know he feels awful now, realising youâre actually struggling, not just joking around. Itâs not his fault though; you never talk about money, and maybe heâs apologising not just because he let you pay for everything, but because you havenât had these conversations before.
âSâalright. Can you just transfer some money quickly so I canââ
âYeah.â
âThank you.â
You hear him sighâone that says, Donât make this a thing now. Hopeâs already paid for his, waiting by the door with his hands in his pockets, scanning some nearby magazines.
Knowing not to waste any more time, you hang up, open your banking app again, and refresh it every few seconds until there it is: a transfer of ten fucking thousand dollars from Yoongi, with the note, Shouldâve told me sooner.
You make a mental note to give him a piece of your mind regarding the sum later as you pay for the petrol, and dash out of the station, dragging Hope with you to escape the embarrassment as soon as possible.Â
âSlow down, will you?â
You let go of his arm once youâre by his car, rubbing your hands over your face in frustration as you mumble, âSorry. God, Iâm such a mess.â
âCome on, weâll talk in the car. I just wanna get home.â
And you do, silently, closing your eyes as the car winds through the woods back the way you came.
You know Hope doesnât want to pressure you, but you want to talk about it, just because bottling it up any longer would fry your brain.
âMy employer still hasnât transferred my pay,â you mumble. âI had to call Yoongi to borrow money.â
Hope lets out a long breath through his nose, shaking his head slowly as he listens.
âAgain, as in this isnât the first time?â
âYeah, as in he owes me several thousand dollars by now.â
âThousands?â
You tap your knuckle against the window, doing a quick mental tally of how much has piled up since you started working for this guy. âAbout fifty. Maybe a bit more.â
âNo. Fucking. Way.â Hope glances over at you with each word, then back to the road. â___, thatâs insane. Fifty thousand?! Why havenât you sued him? Or quit?â
âIâŚâ Yeah, good question. âI actually donât know.â
Itâs not like itâs a brilliant job worth hanging on to, but working from home has its perks, and finding another role in your field? Thatâs practically impossible without connections, which you definitely donât have, seeing as you work from home and have done for years.
âYouâre an accountant, yeah?â
âHow do you know?â you ask, stopping your gentle tapping against the window to look over at his profile.Â
âOh, who dâyou think told me?â He gives you a side-eye, looking slightly annoyed, and you just nod. âAreumâs an accountant too. She works for PwC, all remote. Theyâre looking for someone to cover her on maternity leave, and she gets to pick who fills in for her, sooooâŚâ
âSoooâŚ?â
âWoman, Iâm not spelling it out for you. Youâre not that thick.â
Ouch. âHey! Stop being so rude to me.â
âThen stop acting daft when youâre not.â
God, you want to strangle him. No wonder he gets along so well with Yoongi. You thought he was just this little ray of sunshine with that stupid bright laugh, but heâs feisty as hell.
âIâll think about it,â you mumble, knowing decisions like this arenât made right now, especially as the painkillers wear off and your mindâs about to shut down along with your eyelids.
Eventually, sleep takes over, and if youâre honest, you donât bother fighting it.
â___, wake up.â Hopeâs voice and the gentle push of his hand against your shoulder rouse you not long after. And even though sleeping, even just a bit, should have done you some good, you feel worse after a fifteen-minute nap.
Reluctantly, you straighten in your seat, trying to wake up properly, and smack your lips to get the awful taste off your tongue, but itâs no use. Youâll need to brush your teeth as soon as youâre in the suiteâthereâs no way around it.
âThanks for driving me,â you rasp, glancing out of the windscreen to see Jungkook hopping from one foot to the other in the cold, his breath rising in small clouds in front of him. âWhatâs he doing outside?â
âHeâs waiting for you.â
âOh.â
Itâs a mystery why Jungkook would do that, seeing as youâre clearly not on good terms. Youâve been trading jabs and whatnot with every interaction, so the fact that heâs not fed up by now is really baffling.
âIâm heading straight home if thatâs okay.â
âOh. Sure, yes, of course, sorry.â You unbuckle your seatbelt, knowing you shouldnât overstay your welcome, especially as Hope is snickering again. âThanks again and goodnight.â
âGoodnight. AndâŚtalk to him.â
Well, you donât really have a choice now. Especially when, after closing the passenger door, you walk to the boot to get your half-empty canister, only to find Jungkook already beside you.
âHere, let me help.â
He doesnât meet your eyes this time, which feels strange after he spent all afternoon staring at you.
âIâve got this.â
You heft the canister out of the boot and start walking straight to Tony to fill him up, letting the canister rest by your legs, you wave Hope off as he drives away, then clear the side of Tony of snow.
âWhat are you doing?â Jungkook stands beside you, arms crossed, chest puffed out. He looks intimidatingâhotly soâbut youâre still pissed and very much not in the mood for a chat.
âWhat does it look like?â
He just shrugs with a smirk, and as you finish clearing the snow, you realise youâve done the wrong side of Tony.Â
How embarrassing.
âDonât say anything.â
And he doesnât, aside from a quiet snicker as he follows you to the other side, where you finally start clearing the right bit of snow. This time, you find the cap and pull out your car keys to open it.
Ignoring your wishes, Jungkook picks up the canister and starts pouring the petrol into the car, biting his lip piercings again.
âTalk,â you snap, wanting to get this over withâwhatever it is thatâs bothering him so much heâs biting his lip bloody.
Jungkook glances briefly at you, and while youâve seen that sad expression on him countless times, it still stings.
âWhy did you leave?â
You sigh, glance towards the hostel, and look back at him. âWhen? When I broke up with you? On the slope yesterday? From the party? Or to the petrol station?â
Alright, it sounded cooler in your head, but youâre now realising you might have a bit of a tendency to run off. Oops.
âAll of them, I guess.â He muses, shutting the cap and screwing the canister lid back on as he turns to you fully.
âJungkook, thatâs a conversation Iâm not having with you right now.â
âAnd when would be the best time for it?â
âOh, I donât know. Maybe not outside, not in the middle of the night, not when Iâm batshit hungover, and especially not when youâve built a new life for yourself.â
That last bit wasnât really what you wanted to say, but it slipped out anyway, the perfect proof that itâs indeed not the best time.Â
âThatâs not fair.â
âItâs not fair for you to treat me like this, Jungkook. Iâm not doing this anymore.â
You turn while watching him run a hand through his hair, then stomp through the deep snow towards the hostel to stop yourself freezing out here.
âStop running away!â
âIâm not running away. Iâm going to bed. You should too.â
Jungkook catches the door at the last second and steps into Dionysus right behind you.
âYou are running away.â
You turn to face him sharply, causing him to nearly bulldoze into you, but he catches himself in time, stepping back a bit with his hands on his hips, still clutching the canister in his reddened hand.
âWhy did you need petrol for Tony, whoâs been out of it for days? Why now?â
You purse your lips, mirroring his stance instinctively, staring each other down. Youâre stubborn, but so is he, and youâre not backing down. He wants to start a fight? See who breaks first? See if youâre really running away from him? Well, youâll prove him wrong.
âSafety. Caution. Responsibility. Take your pick.â
Thereâs a familiar glint in his eyesâthe one that says he knows youâre bullshitting him. God, youâve missed this. Missed him.
âSo, not fleeing the scene, hm?â
âNot fleeing the scene.â
And youâre not. Change of plans: youâre staying. Youâll stay, and youâll whoop his ass by becoming the best snowboarder on the planet.
Jungkook just nods, and you nod back.
Usually, this would be the moment heâd tackle you and fuck the truth out of you in no time. And though you can vividly picture it, you need to keep your distance. So before the tension builds too much, before Jungkook becomes too much, you stop nodding and let your arms drop to your sides.
âGoodnight, Jungkook.â
He mirrors your stance, and though his eyes dim with that usual sadness, you refuse to see it as longing. Because why would he?
âGoodnight, ___.â
You nod, and while you canât quite tear yourself away from his gaze, you eventually turn and head up to your suite, finding Yoongi already silently and fast asleep, you canât help but to leave a tiny gap in the door, just enough to watch as Jungkook disappears into his own room.
Day 5
You feel good.
No, scratch thatâyou feel absolutely pumped, energised, and oh-so-ready for the day. Thereâs a wild fire blazing through your veins, just waiting to be unleashed, and youâre absolutely down for it.
Sitting alone in the dining room after that little talk with Yoongi about the sum he transferred to your bank account, only to be met with an eye roll in response, youâre busy preparing the most protein-packed breakfast Namjoonâs buffet has on offer. Youâll definitely need itânot just because your bodyâs craving nutrients, but because your brain needs to be at its best so you can finally beat Jungkook at his own game.
No, not with his petty remarks and actions, but by getting your answers with carefully placed, strategically even, questions so he doesnât even realise youâre grilling him. Youâre brilliant, so of course you can pull this off. The sulky victim era of ___ is overâhere comes the new, improved you.
Though, if youâre honest, you know thereâs a pretty decent chance that Jungkook might catch on to your plan. Heâs always been good at that, always been just as brilliant as you. But his competitive side usually has you beat by the end of the day. But not today. Today, youâre determined to win.
Especially when the man himself strolls in, looking sinfully good. His hairâs damp, falling messily over his forehead and eyes, while his thin white shirt hangs loosely off his shoulders, clinging slightly to his skin where he didnât dry off properly.
âMorning, Kook,â you chirp, practically singing it, intentionally calling him by the nickname you lovingly gave him all those years ago.
Jungkook slows his steps, one eyebrow raised and lips pursed. The confusionâs painted all across his face exactly as youâd hoped. Excellent.
âMorning.â He stops at your table, glancing at the empty chairs next to you and opposite you, and when he takes the one right beside you, youâre doing a little celebratory dance on the inside.
âDid you sleep well, Kook?â He eyes you as he gets his plate ready, and while he answers, you take a small bite of your food, your overly cheerful grin firmly in place.
âUh, yeah, did you?â
âOf course! Snuggly kept me company all night.â
The confusion in Jungkookâs eyes deepens, and youâd give anything to know whatâs running through his head right now. You keep your face just as innocent and cheerful as possible, though itâs getting harder by the second.
âSo, whatâve you been up to these past five months?â If your mathâs right, Haraâs now a little over four months along. So, if Jungkook was around back then, youâve got your answer.
âFive months?â He raises an eyebrow again, biting into the sandwich heâs just thrown together. Thereâs far more ham than breadâprobably more to keep his hands clean than for actual taste.
âYeah, whereâve you all been, then?â
âUh,â Jungkook chews, blinking at you. You can practically see the gears turning in his head as he tries to figure you out. âIâve been to Bangkok, Hawaii, and, uh⌠before that, I was here for a few months.â
No. Fucking. Way. So all those mixed signals, not only from Jungkook but all his friends too, werenât so mixed after all.
âThis townâs pretty small. Is there anything exciting to do off-season?â
âWell, Hara had a huge birthday celebration. So there was that.â
âHaraâs birthdayâs in August?â
âYeah, why?â
So he gave her a baby for her birthday. How pathetic it makes you feel, realising youâve been too busy being still his to fall for someone new all this time. But you donât let the heartbreak show this time. You swallow it down because shutting down wonât help you now.
âJust asking.â
Jungkook just nods again, still contemplating your words, trying to read your motives like he always does, though youâre as blank as can be beneath your smile. Itâs not that youâve lost your determination to get through snowboardingâno, youâre way too competitive and stubborn to back down now. Still, you kind of wish you were as drunk as youâd been two days ago.
The upside of being fully sober again is that you feel fantastic. Physically, anyway. The downside is that your brain wonât shut up.
You vividly remember the night you ended things, the exhaustion, the desperation in your every word as you tried to explain yourself to him. It wasnât that you didnât love him; you did and you still do, maybe even more than you should. But back then, youâd grown tired of always feeling like you werenât enough, of feeling like you were someone he didnât really need.
Youâd always been the one to soothe your doubts on your own, to make excuses for him and his choices, to tell yourself it was just a phase, that heâd eventually grow out of itâthat heâd grow out of it for you. Not that heâd never do anything risky again, but just enough for him to see that some things are too dangerous to try.
Losing him was completely your fault, you know that, and even though heâs going to be a dadâeven if itâs not your childâyouâd crawl back to him in a heartbeat if there were any chance. Not that youâd ever be a homewrecker; thatâs something youâd never do, and youâll respect any relationship on earth as it is. But if heâs only going to be a father, if heâs only co-parenting with Hara and theyâre not together, youâd try to make it work somehow.
Or maybe youâre just delusional, thinking youâd be okay with him having a kid thatâs not yours. Because deep down, the thought of him being with someone else after youâeven if you werenât together anymoreâmakes you want to throw up. Not just because picturing it is one of your worst nightmares, but because all the love declarations he made, and will probably make again in that scenario, would be empty in their truest form. At least in your eyes.Â
Thereâs nothing you can do about it; itâs not like youâre some grandma who thinks virginity before marriage is a must. But if he was with you and says heâd want to be with you again, thereâs no chance if he had someone else in between.
Jungkook sniffs beside you, and youâre not exactly proud that, since learning heâs staying here at the hostel too, youâve kept spare napkins nearby, just like the good old days, and youâre not proud as you hand him one with a small smile, still chewing, knowing his rhinitis is worst in the morning.
âThanks,â heâs smiling, though thereâs still that look of doubt in his eyes, as if heâs still trying to work out what youâre up to. âSo, how about you?â
Youâve half a mind to exaggerate again, but you know youâll need to save your energy today, especially since youâre spending the whole day with Jungkook. So you stick to the truth. âNothing really. Mostly work, and a few activities Iâve tried.â
âItâs weird.â
âWhat is?â
âYou doing all that stuff.â
Jungkook doesnât look as accusatory as he did the first day; this time, he actually looksâŚsad.
âDidnât you want me that way?â You keep your tone light, friendly even, but deep down, that old pettiness rises to the surface.
âNo.â The word slips from his lips without a momentâs hesitation, his sad eyes fixed on yours, and suddenly, you canât breathe. It just doesnât make sense.
âIâŚwhy?â
He slowly swallows his last bite and reaches for his coffee, just to toy with the rim of the mug. Then he lifts his gaze to meet yours, boring into your irises as if to tell you more than heâs actually saying. âThatâs not you.â
You just stare at him, trying to understand why heâd want you to change all those years ago, only to now tell you, indirectly, he doesnât like the person heâd pushed you to become. No words form in your brain, again too overwhelmed by it all, so you just nod, because quite honestly, heâs right. Itâs not who you are, even if some of the less riskier activities, like snowboarding, turned out to be more fun than youâd expected.
Jungkook doesnât seem to handle the silence well as you quietly finish your meal, as his leg starts bouncing under the table again, occasionally brushing against yours. Youâre sure he doesnât even notice it, but you do and while you think about shifting your leg slightly away, that faint touch of his somehow soothes the intense longing you have for him.
How many times youâve thought about calling him, only to remind yourself he was the one who let you go without a word, is beyond counting now. Trying to count would be like trying to reach infinity without breaking down as the despair catches up to you and you simply canât do either.Â
You need, with all your might, to pull your mind out of this endless void and focus on the good. Youâre able to have a normal conversation with Jungkook. Heâs fine. Youâre fine. And if you can make it through these next two weeks, you tell yourself that youâll be fine too, even if itâs without him. Because that countdown in your head has shiftedâfrom thinking youâve got time to work things out, to savouring these last moments with him as much as possible, hoping to make memories you can hold onto as fondly as the ones you made all those years ago.
âSo, todayâs blue slope day?â
Jungkook nods with a smirk, eyes still on his cup, clearly lost in thought. âYeah. You ready?â
âSure. I was born ready.â
The snort that escapes him mirrors your own, letting the sadness fade into that playful light in his eyes youâve always adored when he finally looks back up to you.Â
âThen letâs head out, shall we?â
âYes, sir!â You salute playfully, downing the rest of your or rather his iced Americanoâsneakily poured into a regular mugâin one go and standing as soon as Jungkook does.
It doesnât take long for you both to get fully geared up and leave the hostel, Jungkook closing the usual distance between you by walking much closer than he has on any of the previous days, though you welcome it this time.Â
âGive me your board.â Jungkook stretches out his free hand towards you when youâre just a few feet away from Dionysos.
âI can handle it.â
âI know you can. But you donât have to.â
Wondering whether youâre about to be stubborn again, you decide to let him help you. Itâs a nice gesture, and knowing his strengthâwhich has clearly grown over the last few yearsâitâs no bother for him to carry your snowboard too. So you hand it to him, mumbling a small, grateful âthanksâ and fall into step with him, the rustling of your gear and the dull thud of your boots the only sounds breaking the otherwise silent streets.
âItâs such a lovely day.â You marvel at the first rays of sunlight shining down, making the snow-covered streets steam ever so slightly, looking straight out of a fantasy.
The townâs not fully awake yet; a few people are setting up their displays outside, greeting you both with warm smiles and friendly faces. Itâs easy being here, so welcoming when you ignore the chaos thatâs crashed down on you since you arrived.
Youâd like to imagine living here, spending the rest of your life in this place with Jungkook, befriending his friends too, all in some alternate universe. You daydream about a winter wedding, teaching your kids how to build a snowman, and everything else.
It would be nice, it would be perfect. Because in that universe, youâd still be with Jungkook, and youâd be not only happy but fulfilled.
âIt is, the slopes should be perfect too.â
A small group of kindergarteners crosses your path just before the slopes, and as your gaze drifts from them to the shop windows behind, you catch the reflection of you and Jungkook side by side. Heâs looking at the kids, full of adoration, with that same endearing smile you fell in love with all those years ago.
His hairâs just as shiny and healthy, his eyes sparkling in that familiar way. Youâve always known how much Jungkook wants a familyâhe always has, just as you always did. Itâs one of the reasons you connected so quickly. His values and hopes for the future aligned so perfectly with yours that falling for him and picturing a life together was almost inevitable.
You knew back then that having different hobbies wasnât the most important thing in a relationship, that differences in those areas wouldnât decide its downfall. But somehow, you both let those differences take centre stage.
It wasnât just poor communication that damaged things; you lost sight of what truly mattered, letting the good become tainted with doubt, trust begin to crack, and your hearts bleed in ways they never should have.
Standing there now, side by side, you realise that everything that happened, the way you both handled things, was so unnecessarily foolish. You wish youâd made different choices. You look perfect together, like one of those couples you see and just know theyâre meant to be, like theyâre soulmates, like theyâre fated.
Jungkookâs eyes lift up, catching yours in the window, and his smile grows just a bit wider. Thereâs still that adoration thereâor is it just nostalgia? Or maybe itâs the inner peace he feels, knowing heâll soon have a child of his own? Youâre not sure, and youâre afraid to let yourself think too deeply about it. Because, honestly, if itâs anything but adoration, youâd spiral so much, so irrevocably, that you might just break all over again.
Switching your board to his other hand, where heâs already holding his own, he lifts his now free arm and wraps it over your shoulder, pulling you into his side. Your head doesnât even reach his eyes, and your shoulder aligns perfectly with his arm, like youâre a puzzle piece fitting into him. You canât help the broad smile that breaks over your face when he says, âIâm glad youâre here.â
You turn away from the window, tilting your head up to look into his beautiful brown eyes, taking in this small, pure moment that youâll lock away in the deepest parts of your heart and cherish for the rest of your life. âMe too.â
Simple moments like these with Jungkook have always been so beautiful. Itâs always been like this, just the two of you in a bubble where nothing else matters. The ache in your heart should ease in moments like this, but instead, it grows, the longing building until itâs nearly unbearable.
How perfect it would feel to kiss him now, how your heart and soul would sing if he kissed you back. The realisationâthe overwhelming certaintyâthat he truly was the one for you hits you like an avalanche, burying you so deeply youâll never find a way out.
Still, you turn your face away, and he lets you go.
âLetâs get it.â Jungkook cheers, and you echo his words, because you donât know what else to say, walking side by side to the lift. Thankfully, this time without any annoying interruptions from his fangirls.
The first ride up in the ski gondola is equal parts terrifying and beautiful. The trees below look like miniature toys, and the mountain peaks seem too stunning to be real, like a picture painted by an artist. The gondola is empty except for the two of you, Jungkook sitting across from you, both of you gazing outside. But every now and then, you canât help glancing at his reflection.
Jungkook talks the entire way up, going over everything you should know about snowboarding by now. His calm voice, his solid presence right in front of you, and his patient review of the basics settle the last of your nerves, along with Hopeâs words, still ringing loudly in your mind.
Fear is faith in the negative.
And you donât want to live like that againânot now, and not when itâs just snowboarding. You trust your own abilities, and you trust Jungkook to keep you safe, like he always has. Well, aside from that one camping incidentâbut youâll turn a blind eye to that for now. You have to, because one lapse in his judgement all those years ago shouldnât undo everything else heâs proven to you.
The morning is spent making descent after descent, each one becoming easier and more fun, especially with Jungkook staying close. You manage to fall less and less, and when you do, heâs always right there, reaching out to help you back on your feet.
And while youâre laughing and joking like old times, it feels as if no time has passed at all.
Just before lunch, you both find yourselves back at the gondola, though this time itâs a different one.
âThereâs this restaurant way up there.â Jungkook points into the distance, and you squint, trying to follow his finger, but the sun is too bright to make out exactly where heâs pointing. âThe foodâs amazing, and weâll be able to take a way longer run down. Itâll build your stamina and get you ready for the harder slopes tomorrow.â
âSounds good.â You smile at him, excited not only for the food but also for the chance to push yourself a bit more.
When you step into the gondola with a few others, itâs so packed that you have to squeeze in beside Jungkook, pressing against his side. With his broad shoulders and your thick coat, thereâs not much room and after a few minutes, Jungkook shifts and lifts his arm, draping it over your shoulder to give you both a bit more space.
You frown. Even though itâs more comfortable this way, you donât like it at all. If heâs with Hara, this is crossing boundaries left and right. You know that if you were still together and he did this with another woman, itâd be a dealbreaker.
The gesture sours your mood instantly, letting your thoughts spiral in a way that has you dangerously close to snapping at him. But you hold back. You wonât start a scene now, not here; youâll wait until youâre at the restaurant and talk things through.
When you reach the top and leave the gondola, heading toward the small restaurant by the lift, Jungkook keeps his hand resting lightly on your back.
Itâs ironic, really. You left because you wanted him to find happiness, to be with someone who wouldnât bring conflict, someone he wouldnât feel the need to change. And here he is, supposedly happy, yet acting like youâre still his, clinging to old habits like theyâre the only things he has left with you.Â
Maybe thatâs the saddest part of all. Heâs got everything he once told you he wanted, yet heâs still holding onto pieces of the past, unable to let them go. And maybe heâll never fully move on, just like you havenât, even if he thinks he has. But thatâs not something you can fix. You triedâmore than onceâto help him keep his distance, to let go of whatever still kept him wounded. Even if it wasnât the perfect approach, pretending to be with Yoongi, you thought it might help him move on. But he has to handle that himself now; youâre done being the one to guide him there.
You deserve peace, too. You deserve to be able to look back on your time together without feeling unresolved tension. If that means keeping your distance, letting him live his life with Hara without stepping in, then so be it. Youâre done making excuses for him, done justifying his behaviour to yourself. Heâs made his choices, back then and now too, and now itâs time for you to make yours.
You take a deep breath, letting it all settle within you as you step into the restaurant. The hurt, the sadness, the longingâsure, itâs all still there, and maybe it always will be. But now, itâs just that: memories. Moments you once cherished, now filed away in a part of your heart that no longer needs to cling so tightly. Or at least, thatâs what you hope.
As you sit down across from him, letting go bit by bit, you realise that maybe this is what closure should feel like. Hurtful, and not freeing at all.Â
âYouâre kinda touchy.âÂ
Jungkook looks up from his menu, running the tip of his tongue over his lip piercing. âI always am.â
Your lips press into a firm line, shoulders tensing even more. Jungkookâs eyes dart over you, and he realises too late that your mood has shifted. As he catches on, his nervous habits start to surface in an instant. He fumbles with his menu, his leg bouncing so hard that the tablecloth shifts slightly with each movement.
âDoesnât it feel wrong to you?â You ask, your tone so accusatory it even startles you.
Jungkook gulps, actually gulps, and you feel the urge to laugh or maybe storm off altogether.
âNo?â He sounds uncertain, though thereâs a strange conviction in his voice, even with his nerves. âDoes it bother you?â
âYes.â
You stare each other down, Jungkook nodding but tilting his head slightly, eyebrows drawn. âIs it because of Yoongi?â
Should you come clean and tell him youâre not dating Yoongi, that heâs just your cousin? But you canât see the point. It wouldnât change anything now, youâre sure of that. Though youâre not sure if the snort and shake of your head is more because of how absurd it all is, or if itâs meant to answer his question. Either way, it fits. And as Jungkook exhales sharply through his nose, his jaw clenching in a steady rhythm, you donât say anything more.
The tension between you feels like itâs growing and the silence between you both is almost suffocating you. You try to distract yourself by looking at the scenery outside the window, but itâs no use.
âI never wanted to do all those things,â you mumble, as if you can somehow lift a bit of the weight off your chest. âBut I felt soâŚso unworthyâŚso empty. I needed to do it, even if I hated most of it.â
The waiter sets down your plates and drinks, wishing you a pleasant meal. Still, you donât look up at Jungkook, maybe out of embarrassment, maybe because you just canât. Instead, you stare at your food, forcing yourself to eat, even if itâs only a little.
âYou shouldnât have.â His voice is gentle, and you feel his gaze burning onto your face, though you try to ignore it. âNot for someone else, at least.â
Is he talking about himself? Or does he think you did it all for Yoongi? Either way, heâs right, though those words would have made more difference if heâd said them years ago.
âMaybe youâre right.â
Itâs unusual to see Jungkook eating so slowly, and itâs not like you to keep so quiet, either. Itâs not that you canât handle silence, but sharing a meal like this without any connection feels so pointless.
âWas it easy?â Jungkook eventually asks, and your eyes involuntarily snap up to him.
âWhat was?â
âMoving on so fastâŚâ
Sometimes, looking at Jungkook like you do now, you marvel at how much heâs matured. His features have lost that softness, his smooth skin now showing faint lines from laughter and time you werenât there to share.
Youâd always imagined growing old with him, and even though it hasnât been that long, your heart aches for all the time lost.
The faint, bluish shadows under his eyes, something he didnât even have during his finals, make him look not just tired, but drained off life. You can only hope itâs not because of you.
âI never did, so I canât say.â
You both go back to eating, letting silence settle again as you try to process it all. Maybe you need a whiteboard, or even a list, something to help you make sense of it all, thinking youâll definitely do that later, once youâre back at the hostel tonight.Â
More than half your plate is still full, but you canât seem to eat any more. As you set your cutlery down and tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, you notice Jungkookâs already finished his meal.
âYou should eat more.â
âIâm full. Iâll just take it to go.â
And after Jungkook sighs and nods, you do just that, quickly insisting youâll pay for your own meal, refusing to let him cover it for you.
Finally back outside, the sky has shifted, like your mood, from sunny and clear to dark, with low-hanging, heavy clouds.
âThatâs odd,â Jungkook mutters, fishing his phone out and typing quickly. âForecast didnât mention a downpour.â
âWhat should we do?â Your nerves flare, body tingling and palms starting to sweat as that familiar panic creeps in, the kind that takes over any time things veer off-plan.
Jungkookâs eyes dart over his screen, only adding to your unease.
âShit,â he curses under his breath and puts his phone away. âSo, uh, thereâs a thunder cell thatâs come up out of nowhere, and thereâs a warning for a severe snowstorm. But itâs all good. We still have time.â
Just then, the first big snowflakes start falling from the clouds, and the wind picks up. As you look up at the sky, your voice trembles, âJungkook?â
âAlright, okay, maybe we donât have as much time as I thought. Weâre going to head down this way quickly, but safely.â He points toward a fork in the path where you can see a sign with a blue dot in one direction and a black one in the otherâthe black meaning itâs the most difficult and dangerous run there is.
âOkay.â You donât sound entirely convinced, partly because, while you believe in your skills, you know that in these weather conditions, even the best skills wonât count for much.
âStrap on your board. We need to go.â
And you follow his instructions because, at this point, thereâs no other option. The wind has picked up dramatically by the time you straighten up again, and you have to strain every muscle to stay upright against its force.
Youâre terrified, and Jungkookâs focused, hurried pace isnât doing much to settle your nerves.
âYouâre leading, so I can keep my eyes on you.âÂ
You nod, shifting your weight forward to start descending, but keeping control of the board proves not just difficult, but almost impossible. Your vision blurs with the flurry of snowflakes, even through your goggles, you can barely make out the slope or see the fork ahead.
âTo the right!â you hear Jungkook shout from behind, his voice frantic to its core. But as you pick up speed, the wind shoves you beyond the limit of what you can handle, pushing you towards the left, dangerously close to the black run.
âTo the right, ___!â
You try, you really do, but you canât seem to manage it. Like a leaf in a gale, youâre pulled in the direction you donât want to go, helpless to stop it. Lungs burning with each short breath, you think you scream the moment you realise itâs too late, skidding down the steep, black slope.
You try to brake, just like Jungkook taught you, but your knees are weak, your muscles not trained enough to regain control.
Jungkook rushes up beside you, and even though youâre in full survival mode, his presence brings you a tiny sliver of reassurance, even if itâs just for a while.Â
âYouâre doing good, keep going!â
And you do, tears streaming down under your scarf. The storm keeps pushing you off course, pulling you again and again in directions you donât want to go. But Jungkookâs right there, sticking close beside you, trying to block out some of the windâs blasts and guiding you as best as he can.
It feels like an eternityâfighting against nature, fighting to stay upright, fighting the fear building stronger and stronger in your chest. Somehow, even though you left the marked slope ages ago, heading somewhere unknown and unsure if itâll lead you to safety, you spot a small, abandoned-looking hut in the distance.
âTry to stop!â Jungkook yells, his voice barely reaching you through the howling wind.
âNow?â
âNow!â
You manage to stop, though clumsily, falling hard onto your bum, every muscle aching so painfully youâre barely able to move. Jungkook ditches his board in seconds, crawling over to help you with yours as the frozen clips stubbornly resist coming loose.
âYou good?â He glances briefly at your face, breath visible in short puffs matching yours, his lips chapped and slightly split.
You nod, though youâre still trembling, trying to steady yourself as adrenaline surges through you without much mercy.Â
Jungkook gets up with your board in hand, offering his free hand to you in a heartbeat and pulling you up effortlessly. After he picks up his own board, jointing yours, he clasps your hand with his free one and bolts towards the hut, dragging you along with him.Â
Thankfully, or rather miraculously, the hutâs indeed abandoned and open. And while Jungkook pushes you inside first, letting the boards clatter onto the wooden floor as he leans against the door, both of you are panting and gasping for air, needing this break more than anything.Â
The hutâs not really windproof, small gaps in the wooden walls still letting the cold wind whistle inside.
âSeriously? What the hell were you thinking?!â He rips his helmet off and throws it to the boards on the ground.
You try to straighten yourself, though the acheâs nearly too much. âI⌠I tried. I⌠itâŚâ
âYou just never listen, do you? I told you to turn right back there, but of course, you went your own way. Always have, always will.â
The storm outsideâs picked up even more now, and the cold has seeped into your bones, though you still fold your arms, doing your best to keep your voice steady despite the burn in your lungs. âOh, please, Jungkook. Donât act like Iâm the only one who doesnât listen. Youâve got selective hearing when it suits you.â
He lets out a frustrated sigh, running a gloved hand through his sweat-dampened hair. âSelective hearing? I spent years trying to tell you things, but you were always too stubborn to actually listen.â
âRight, yeah, Iâm the stubborn one,â you snap right back. âYou still canât even talk to me unless itâs about some bullshit like snowboarding.â
âOh, as if youâre any better.â
âI am! You didnât even say one word before I left!â you explode, ripping off your helmet too, followed by your gloves, yeeting them across the hut.
âOh, fuck off, ___! I wanted to, but clearly, you couldnât wait to fuck Yoongi as soon as you got rid off me!â
âYoongiâs my cousin, Jungkook. Family. But I wouldnât expect you to know that, since you barely know anything about my life anymore.â
Jungkookâs face falls at that, and you can clearly see how his whole world view crumbles in his eyes, leaving nothing behind but a hollow sadness youâve never seen before. Though youâre sad too, youâre hollow too, and so you continue, âDonât pin this on me when I never moved on, when you were the one fucking Hara and giving her a baby.â
His unfocused eyes snap to you, lips still parted as he breathes, âI never slept with her. Sheâs Jinâs wife.â
You feel like youâre falling, falling so hard and fast you canât stop. The tears that coat your eyes are nothing compared to the agonising realisation ripping you open. All those years, even all this hurt youâve been experiencing these last few days, were unfounded.
If you werenât this close to Jungkook, youâd think his red nose was just from the cold, but the silver lining his eyes carry shows just how broken you both are, what you did to yourselves without even realising it in the first place.Â
âYou moved on,â you press out, fighting the sob that threatens to spill.
âI havenât.â
How foolish all the assumptions were, how foolish of him to assume just as much. How utterly foolish that you both lost the ability to talk to each other long before your relationship ended.
But maybe it had to come to this for you to learn what itâs like to be separated, to learn how to communicate⌠but have you really? You reckon you havenât, not given how things went down. Maybe itâs too late, just as Hope warned you, though a small, fragile part in you clings to the delusion that things might still turn out right.
âLetâs⌠letâs call for help.â You turn, unable to keep looking at Jungkook, and youâre sure he needs time to process the bomb thatâs just dropped.
âYeah,â heâs taking out his phone again, though the breath he lets out is nothing short of concerning. âMy phoneâs dead. How about yours?â
By now youâve sat down on the small, bare bed, as standing any longer would have had you fainting by this point. While you rummage through your inner coat pocket to pull out your old beaten-up phone, Jungkook stomps over with his snow-covered boots and sits down beside you, leaving enough space between you that it feels like miles.
Lighting up the screen, you see your phoneâs battery miraculously still well over 90%, but thereâs absolutely no signal. âNope, no signal. Weâre stranded.â
Just as youâre about to put your phone back, Jungkook stops you with his voice. âYou still got the case?â
You pause, looking over at him, only to meet hopeful eyes you canât quite place.
âUh, yeah. You clearly got rid of yours though.â
You hate sounding so bitter, but it is what it is. Years of feeling the way you did canât be undone with one revelation.
âI lost it⌠my phone, too, when I was in the Caribbean shortly after weâŚâ
You hum and nod because what else is there to do?
âWhy did you keep it?â
Your eyes stray from your phone, where youâre running your thumb over one of Jungkookâs doodles on the case like it always does, to him, though heâs not looking at you this time, just fiddling with his gloves in his lap.
âI canât get rid of memories. You should know that.â
âEven if theyâre bad?â He turns his head to you, though his eyes are fixed on your phone. The way heâs slouching is so unlike him, and it hurts to see what youâve done to him.
âThey arenât bad.â
Jungkook nods a few times, as if heâs trying to cement your words in his mind, rewriting everything he thought was real but never was.
Eventually, Jungkook stands up and walks over to a small closet, pulling open the doors to see whatâs inside.
âNo way.â He breathes out a laugh, and you crane your neck to look past his broad shoulders, though itâs no use.
When he turns, arms full of vacuum bags stuffed with blankets and pillows, you feel like you might scream in delight. Especially when Jungkook rips them open beside you and a waft of freshly washed fabric hits you.
âThatâs like hitting the jackpot.â You look up at him, your grin as wide as his as he just laughs. âCan you light the fireplace too?â
Jungkook furrows his brows as he looks around the hut, likely because he hadnât spotted it until now. But as soon as he clocks it, along with the stack of dried wood beside it, heâs off in a flash, inspecting the chimney and everything else.
Meanwhile, you gather all the bedding and spread it out on the bed, purposefully ignoring the fact that thereâs only this one bed in the hut and not even a couch. It shouldnât be a big dealâyouâve done more than sleep in the same bed as Jungkook before, and youâre both clearly single, so thereâs nothing your conscience can protest about.
Still, time has passed, and youâve clearly drifted apart more than you wouldâve liked. Itâs an unusual situation youâre in, an emergency really, and youâll have to adjust to it without reading too much into it.
âGot a lighter on you?â
You pull it out of your pocket, leaving Yoongiâs cigarettes in your pocket that you nicked this morning alongside before leaving, and toss the lighter his way which he catches effortlessly with one hand, lighting up the kindling heâs set, framed by a few larger sticks of wood.
Jungkook watches the fire intently, and soon enough the hutâs heating up, allowing you to take off your coat. Not wanting to keep your boots on any longerâby now, theyâve cut off all circulation in your feetâyou pull them off as well, then crawl onto the bed, settling against the headboard under the layers of blankets.
Youâre absolutely knackered at this point, and as you check the time on your phone, you realise itâs already past dinnertime.
âYou can join me, you know?â you smile as Jungkook turns around, muttering an âokayâ and starting to peel off his gear too, though you donât miss the flush creeping up to his ears.
How endearing he can still be.
The bedâs clearly not meant for twoâespecially not when Jungkookâs become this buff. Heâd probably struggle to fit on his own, let alone with someone else. And though youâre fairly petite next to him, youâre both squished together, personal space nonexistent. Still, itâs better than freezing to death outside.
âIâm so tired,â you yawn.
âIâm so hungry.â
The pout on Jungkookâs face makes you giggle; itâs just so him. Without thinking, you lean over him to fetch the food from your coat. Only when you settle back beside him do you notice how stiff heâs gone.
You donât comment on it, just hand him the leftovers, which he reluctantly takes, though this time he doesnât engulf your hands like he did yesterday. Not that youâd admit it, but youâre a bit sad he didnât do it again.
âYou hungry too? Itâs your food.â
âIâm good, Jungkook, please just eat.â
Youâre starting to read him again, just a bit less hazy than it was the last few days. So before he can start arguing with you, those sad boba eyes pleading for you to eat when youâre genuinely not hungry, you lay your hand over his arm, giving it a light squeeze. âIâm not hungry, promise.â
With that, Jungkook starts to eat and you lean back, slumping more into the blankets as he eats in silence, your eyes growing heavy with each passing minute.Â
âYou can sleep if you want.â Jungkook gently pulls the blanket higher over your shoulder as you lie down fully, your head nearly resting against his hip.
âIâm still cold,â you mumble sleepily, though thereâs no chance youâll really fall asleep while youâre still shivering like this. The stormâs really taken it out of you.
Jungkook shifts, and when you open your eyes, you realise heâs finished eating and is lying down facing you. âTurn around.â
Lying beside him like this, faces just inches apart, is something you never thought would happen again. And while itâs hard to look away from himâthe slope of his nose, the Cupidâs bow of his lips making them almost too invitingâyou fight against the blankets draped over you both and turn around. Jungkook slips an arm around your waist without much care, pulling you fully against him until thereâs no space left between you.
Heart racing like a hummingbirdâs wings, you try to relax into his hold, but the thin layer of fabric separating you makes it feel as though youâre bare. Youâd seen the contours of his body when he stripped off his gear, the black thermal shirt and pants clinging to his muscles like a second skin, leaving nothing to the imagination. But feeling his solid body against yours like this, after so long, leaves your head spinning in circles you canât seem to stop.
You havenât noticed how your hips press back against his crotch, havenât noticed the way your body instinctively moves against his until Jungkookâs breath hits your ear.
âSorry,â you breathe, but somehow, you canât bring yourself to stop. His large hand, which had been resting on the mattress beside you, slides up along your stomach, stopping just before cupping your breast from below, and you know youâve stepped through a door that shouldâve been left closed.
Heat rises within you, making you shiver with something far more pleasant than the cold. You need more of him, more of his touch, and your hand slips from beneath the blankets, reaching back to tangle in the hair at the back of his head, willing yourself to just feel and nothing more.Â
His quick breaths ghost across the part of your neck thatâs bare, just enough to spark more want not only in your heart but your cunt too. You tug gently at his hair, urging him down, igniting a fire you know wonât be put out easily.
Before his hand fully cups your breast, he pulls you even tighter against him, hot lips kissing and sucking at your skin as you press yourself back, trying to ease the ache between your legs against his growing cock.
The low moans slipping from Jungkookâs throat are music to your ears, and the realisation that he likely sang that song not for Hara, but for you, sends another wave of arousal out of your cunt.
âJungkookâŚâ you rasp, basking in his touch, but as soon as his name leaves your lips, he pulls back.
Thinking youâve done something wrong, you turn your head, only to see him tugging off the last of his clothes. Relieved and more turned on than youâve ever been, you strip off your own gear, leaving the blanket draped over you. Itâs been years, your bodyâs changed, and while you know it shouldnât matter, you still hope he doesnât notice.
In a blink, heâs back, resuming where he left off, though now itâs his warm, smooth skin against yours. The ridges of his abdomen press along your back, and the feel of his cockâhard and oh so hotâagainst the cheeks of your ass is pure bliss.
You turn your head, trying to catch his gaze, maybe even hoping for a kiss, but when you catch sight of the familiar chain around his neck, it stops you in your tracks.
Jungkook pauses too, his eyes questioning, but as soon as he realises what youâre looking at, he gives you a lazy smirk, his hand cupping your face to turn you towards him and with it your whole body.Â
You expect him to kiss you now, hungrily like he always did, but instead, he brushes his lips along your cheek, your neck, shifting to settle between your legs while the cool metal of the chainâs grazing your tits with every shift of his body.
âI donât have a condom. I couldâŚeat you out.â
His thigh pressing against you doesnât lessen the ache, but you remember the one scare you had together, that time you thought you might be pregnant not long after youâd started dating. It wasnât that you wouldnât have wanted it, but youâd both been so young. Even now, the thought makes your heart skip, but not as violently as it used to. Youâd be ready and willing to take the risk, though, would he?Â
âIâm clean, on the pill.â
Jungkook lets out a low groan against your neck as you press your thigh gently against his cock, needing to give something back.
âI havenât been with anyone since you. So clean.â
Is he serious? The thought hits you hard, and though you know he never lied to you before, you still canât help but pull back, needing to see his face.
âYou havenât?â
âNo.â His voice is barely a whisper, and the same love you remember shines in his eyes, making you tear up.
âMe too.â
âFuck.â He returns to your neck, his fingers tracing your lines until they find your weeping cunt, slipping between your lips to spread your juices in gentle, familiar strokes as he preps you, every touch an echo of the love that maybe never faded.
The first stretch of his middle finger inside you is nothing short of insane, drawing you higher with a single stroke than any toy has managed in years. The way your cunt clenches around him seems to drive Jungkook on even more as he pumps with precise motions, soon adding his ring finger, bringing you dangerously close to euphoria.
Jungkookâs free hand roams from your neck to your tits, back and forth, squeezing, mapping you out like he forgot how you felt like, though finally resting on your jaw as he nestles his head between your shoulder and neck, leaving soft love bites in his wake.
Itâs when he picks up the pace, the base of his palm hitting your clit relentlessly with each thrust, that you come undone, your orgasm flooding over his hand as he continues, determined to not stop just yet.Â
A muffled whine of your name slips from his lips, softer than youâve ever heard, and while you long to hear him call your pet name like he used to, it only amplifies the fullness in your heart for him.
Jungkook keeps his fingers inside you, now scissoring them to stretch you further as you cling to his back, not caring if you leave angry marks.Â
âThink you can take it?â
âYes,â you mewl, not caring if you couldnât. Youâll take him, you need him, need to feel as if none of those years apart ever happened.
Once again, you think he might finally kiss you, but instead, he leans in and presses a soft kiss to your damp forehead. You momentarily frown, but itâs forgotten the second his cock aligns with your still sobbing cunt, dragging up and down to coat his entire length and even his tight balls.
The sight of Jungkook when he finally pushes in is nothing short of mesmerising. Heâs so perfectly sculpted, every muscle cord defined, and with his piercings and tattoo sleeve, he looks like a fantasy you never dared dreaming of.Â
Youâve always had a weak spot for tattoos, but seeing them inked across Jungkookâs skin? Thatâs your ultimate downfall. A glorious downfall, as the burn of his thick length pushing deep inside you sends you reeling, until heâs so far in that you canât tell where he starts and you end.
âOh my god,â you choke out, overwhelmed by everything Jungkook isâand everything heâs become.
Heâs unusually silent, though you barely notice, not when he begins to rock his hips, leisurely sliding his massive cock in and out, low grunts and moans escaping him as his gaze locks onto yours and not dares to stray.Â
Jungkook leans back, increasing the intensity of his thrusts, sweat forming in small beads along the ridges of his chest and abs, dripping down despite the cold. His nipples are hard, and your mouth waters with the urge to suck on them. But seeing his own mouth slightly parted, breaths quickening in time with the rhythm of his hips, youâre sure heâs thinking the same, drawn to your own nipples, standing proud on the jiggling flesh of your chest.Â
And while you wish you were the flicker of firelight dancing across his skin, youâre not far behind, as his hands find their way from your hips to your tits, caressing them like he always did, giving you everything and far more. You need something to ground yourself, a way to keep from shattering under the emotions running wild in your mind, intensified with every thrust Jungkook drives into your core. So, you grip his wrists, not to stop him, but to urge him onâto make him pinch harder.
Maybe you need the bite of it, maybe you want him to not just take away the ache, but be the reason you remember this night years from now.
âJungkook, Iâm so close, oh my god.â
The grunt that escapes him reverberates through you, nearly pushing you over the edge on its own, but he slows, setting a gentler pace as he shifts so his mouth can worship you from your breasts to your neck, leaving a trail of hickeys across your delicate skin.
You know the two of you will be marked by the end of the night, and right now, thatâs all you want. You want to leave yourself etched into his skin, to reclaim your place not only in his heart but in every part of him.
In this moment, itâs like youâre finally wholeânot just because Jungkook fills you completely, but because he completes you. He always has, and while youâve both been damned by what happened before, it feels like redemption might be close.
âYouâreâŚâ Jungkook murmurs against your skin, his warm breath searing into you, though you need him to finish his sentence, need to hear it.
But as you cradle his head in your hands and he lifts his gaze to meet yours, his eyes are hooded, yet glistening, and your throat tightens at the sight too.
Face to face, you share the same breath, as if you share one heart, your small hands gripping his face as if you never want to let go, his hands cradling your small head with the tenderness that once meant everything. Itâs as though you feel what heâs trying to sayâbut somehow, you donât.
Thereâs still a wall between you, still something unsaid screaming in the silence that just canât seem to go away, and youâre sure he feels it too. He feels it as your orgasm builds, feels it in the desperation of his own thrusts, in the matching, agonising, wordless ache in both your eyes, feels it when you both shatter together in a burst of all colours and stars in existence.Â
And then, all thatâs left is pain.
He hasnât kissed you, and you didnât kiss him either.
And as he pulls his now-softening length from your still-pulsing cunt and reaches for a tissue from his trousers off the floor to help you clean up, he silently gets dressed.Â
Dresses as if heâs ashamed, dressed as if he regrets it, dressed as if youâre the worst thing thatâs ever happened to him.
So you do the same, slipping into your clothes before lying back down, shifting as close to the wall as possible, facing away from him to give him some peace where none is found.Â
The tears falling silently onto the pillow should only be from the shivering thatâs returned, a byproduct of the cold that momentarily disappeared but is now back as if you were never meant to feel warm again.
Finally, exhaustion sweeps over you. Physically. Mentally. And everything in between.Â
And as Jungkook lies down too, once more pulling you close and wrapping you in the warmth you crave more than you can bear to admit, your eyes fall shut almost effortlessly.
Maybe sleeping it all away will make it better, forgotten as a dream that never was.
Forgotten, like everything good that once was but now isnât anymore.
Forgotten, like the tear you feel slide down the back of your neck, disappearing into the fabric of your shirt where all your sins and failures lie buried.
01 ⢠02 ⢠masterlist ⢠04
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#fic: CCL#bts fanfic#bts imagines#bts army#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook fanfic#jungkook x you#jungkook imagine#jjk x reader#romcom#Jungkook smut#bts smut#Jungkook fluff#bts fluff#jungkook bts#jungkook romance#Jungkook romcom#jungkook#crack fic#kim namjoon#namjoon#bts namjoon#bts kim seokjin#kim seokjin#bts min yoongi#min yoongi#park jimin#bts park jimin
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@bourbonthesecond #hot girl summer hjw is one of his best looks #look at this slut always drawing attention to his mouth and his hair @cringelock #slight (and i do mean slight) dishevelment as a representation that heâs lost his damn manners and his mind @couriernine #right before his âi have got to get sluttierâ realization @backtoyunmeng #joowon: i've had it! i've had it! i'm packing my LV bag and i'm running AWAY #*runs away to a 5 star hotel* #and gives the address to his nanny #i mean hyuk @juwonahfication #when british joowon said Like I Care #i still canât believe this was his rebellion/vacation lol #like go somewhere warm or at least do something fun omg @vegaseatsass #episode 10 was a 10/10 for me just a perfect 10 truly #han ju-won gets a makeover to impress a boy and where does it lead both of them? #oh you know. suffering. devastation. the horrors @siegedeacon #look at him #dumb of ass and bitch of face #we need a word for a mean himbo #love a man who always gets up and tries again and ends up failing every time anyways @made-in-rivendell #The attitude here @waitingforminjae #let's hot girl winter in busan !!!!! @cafedecanela #his winter SNAP #his hot mess december @sleevebuscemii #best time skip of all time tbh he said im back i got a perm and im cuntier than ever before @loisroo #heâs just so *gestures dramatically* #like he gets it #there are days when you just drink a glass of champagne in the morning #also yeo jingoo is such a good actor @katierosefun #he's so . . . . . #joo won in this whole episode was something else #pouty angry baby who's still trying to get over an ex he wasn't even actually dating #drinking champagne in the morning and making pouty sad faces #this boy listens to all too well (ten minutes) on loop #and then swings right into 'good 4 u' by olivia rodrigo like the dramatic bitch he is #also the first gif . . . . boy put your tongue back in your mouth #also god. . . . he just. #joo won has such a nice face. #it's funny seeing joo won bc if you've seen yeo jin goo's interviews #he seems like such a sweet happy guy #and then what was it shin ha kyun said? #'yeo jin goo is a very warm person but as soon as the cameras turn on he glares daggers at me' or something #look at him . . . . brat. bratty boy. love. #he's my loser he's my son he's my bff he's me #joo won with his tongue in the first gif . . . #yeo jin goo knew what he was doing he understands han joo won so deeply #(han joo won: [still pissed at dong sik]) #(han joo won: [does THAT]) #he was so dramatic #but also i kinda felt bad for him #but like. it's funny because this one scene radiated so much 'i am SAD i am SUFFERING from a BREAK UP' #'NO we weren't dating but IT STILL FEELS LIKE A BREAK UP OKAY >:(' @annundriel #i cannot @soulsung #he's my boy #also i want to be him #and wear like all of his outfits @sugarbabywenkexing / @courtesyname (prev) #he just had to touch a poor personâŚplease respect him in this difficult time #<- hasjfdkgh what a tragic end to sad rich boy winter
Who says itâs over? Yeo Jin-goo as Han Joo-won BEYOND EVIL | 괴돟 EP 10
#beyond evil#han joo won#yeo jin goo#HIM#I LOVE HIM#LOOK AT HIM#GRRRRR#INSANE#ME FERAL#meta#lol#HUGE SIGH#HIM HIM HIM
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Omg I adored your 10âs a crowd fic!! What if Logan was with a reader who loved the color pink! Their bedroom had pink everything, even wearing pink! You can make them innocent if you want but imagine how Logan would just find the reader so angel-like coming hard surrounded by bright pink pastelsđ¤
Handsome in Pinkâ§âËâŕźâ§âË.
⥠Pairing: Logan Howlett/female!Reader
⥠Word Count: 1.4k
⥠Rating: Explicit 18+
⥠Warning/Tags: SMUT! MINORS DNI, sub!Logan, hand job in the mirror, PRAISE, p-v sex, unprotected sex, a lil cum play (kinda?), a lil orgasm denial
⥠Note: Just a quick lil thing because love a lil sub!Logan and I love the color pink. I specifically envision worst!Logan for this, but do as you please
It wasn't something Logan had noticed about you at first. Pink. Typically, it was something subtle like your nails or just one piece of your outfit like that short little number that drove him crazy. When you causally mentioned that it was your favorite color, it all clicked for him. It wasn't just what you wore.
It was the little coral trinkets and floor mats in your car. It was rose gold key ring. It was the baby pink lace panties that poked out when you reached across his lap to grab the remote. They were all different shades. You saw rose, millennial, salmon, cherry blossom, etc. Logan, on the other hand...
"Hm, the site says pastel but then sends this," you groaned as you eyed the skirt that arrived in the mail.
With furrowed brows, Logan crossed his arms. "Ain't that pastel?"
"It's more bubblegum than pastel."
"But it's pink."
"You don't get it."
Logan would be the first to admit that he didn't exactly have an eye for fashion or design, but when he saw your room for the first time, he knew he had never seen so much pink in his life. There were a variety of pinkish hues were broken up by white furniture and flourishing green plants. The pastel bedding mixed with darker pillows and blankets somehow worked for Logan.
Logan had never seen a room like this. And by god, he had never experienced pleasure the way he did in that rosy room.
Your preference for pink gave people a number of preconceived notions, Logan included. A number of those assumptions were correction. Sweet, romantic, sensitive, tenderâthese were words that could describe you.
Innocent wasn't one of them. And Logan learned this in the best way possible.
"Look at you, baby," you cooed, feathery kisses lining Logan's shoulder. Both on your knees, you were flushed against Logan's taut back. Logan's large figure towered over yours. Still, you had a clear view of the man in your standing mirror. Your slight hand, wet from a mix of your own saliva and his pre-cum, was wrapping around his throbbing cock. Your nails of your other hand slightly tranced circles onto his back. "So handsome, so big...so good for me."
Logan's chest heaved and abs clenched as you tried to control his breathing. It was overwhelming for Logan. The feeling of your frilled, cerise bralette against his back, your warm hand steadily pumping him, your soft stare gazing at his reflection.
It would be easy for Logan to thrust his hips into your grip, control the pace. But there was something about giving into you, surrendering to your alluring spell.
"Fuck, sweetheart..." Logan's groans came deep from his chest as he tried to ignore every dominant instinct he had. "I need to touch you. Please darlin'."
You relished in his begs and pleads but continued your pace. The deep growls that were emitting from his chest was proof of thin his control was at. Your thumb grazed on his tip causing Logan's hips to unintentionally buck.
Your nails roughly dug into his back, earning a wince mixed with pain and pleasure. "Easy, baby...I think you're doing just fine with what you got, yeah?"
Logan couldn't find the words to respond. The smell of your peony perfume and your soft voice dancing through his head, being under your tranceâit was intoxicating. Retraining himself, Logan dug his own palms into the sides of his thighs. He was a mess, and you both were loving every second of it.
It was like a high to watch the indestructible man crumble under the simple weight of your touch, knees digging into the cerise fleeced blanket. With ragged breaths and a twitching cock, you could tell Logan near his climax. You savored the strained breaths and groans that Logan couldn't help but release.
"You're gonna come for me, Lo." Your voice was just above a whisper, but you knew Logan heard you. You weren't asking; you never had to. Keeping your speed steady, you keep your eyes locked on his through the mirror. "Just let it happen, baby. Doing so good for me."
Logan's release was almost immediate as if he was waiting for your divine approval. His body clenched against your, feeling his release tighten every inch of his physique. He'd rather have painted your walls, feel you clench around him. But the feeling of taking ropes of his cum into your palm just to lather his still-hardened cock with it as he rode his high felt like something else entirely. As he watched you lubricate his cock further, his thoughts were completely taken over by your soft moans of approval.
"Oh, Lo, such a good boy," you purred against his shoulder. The sound of your praise made his cock twitch again. And you knew what he wanted.
You looked ethereal as you rode his cock. The sight of his cock continuously disappearing into your tight cuntâleaving a creamed ring in its wakeâit was heaven. Logan was more than happy to watch you control your pace on his lap in exchange of finally being able to caress you. With a slacked jaw, his rough hands massaged your soft skin from your thighs to your ass, all while watching provide him levels of pleasure that he hadn't experienced in years. And he never imagined he'd feel this way with blushed, stringed lights in his vision field and rose, satin sheets smoothing his back.
Even when you told Logan not to come, not yet at least, Logan found that there was a level of pleasure of watching you get yourself off on his lap. Yes, flipping you over and hammering deep into you until you drunk from his cock sounded good. Yet, surrendering to your alluring call was something else entirely.
"Jesus, princess." He words were barely audible as his eyes roamed your figure. "So goddamn pretty."
Your hum turned into a worn gasp as you felt your climax on the horizon again. You knew ordering Logan to hold off on his own climax during your last one was difficult. As your grinds turned into bounces, Logan looked desperate. He needed to finish in you, coat his favorite pink walls white.
"I know, Lo..." You were practically about to come apart yourself, leaning down to pressed your chest against his. Your strained yet firm voice rang in his ear, "I need y-you to fill me, baby. S-so close."
His grip on your hips slightly tightened. His needy eyes looked in with yours, scanning for you permission to give you everything he had. He didn't see it but he sure as hell heard.
"Please, Logan, just fuck me! I need you, baby."
Like flipping a switch, his hips thrusted up into you with reckless abandon. Your cries were soon muffled when Logan's lips meet yourself in a searing kiss, but he needed to hear those pretty little moans of yours no matter how sweet you tasted. Nuzzling his head into your neck, he continued to mercilessly thrust into you, feeling the recoil of your ass against his hips.
The combination of his teeth nipping at your pulse and pounding deliciously close to your cervix made your eyes roll. You knew you were good at getting Logan to fall into a wave of pleasure just from your touch alone, but the both of you knew Logan could easily turn those tides.
"That's it, Lo. No one fucks me like yoâfuck!" Your voice cracked as your orgasm shot through your body quicker than you expected. Your nails dug themselves into Logan's shoulder as he continued to fuck you through your high. The cries of his name was enough to push him to his edge.
"Ahâshit! Thank you, baby, so fucking good!" With three final thrusts, Logan spilled into you, completely enveloped in a rosy haze. He came harder than he did earlier, entirely stuffing you with his arousal.
Clinging to your glistened figure, his mind was cloudy. The rose-colored sheets were definitely closer to cherry under Logan's sweating form. He couldn't conjure a singular thought as you slowly grinded against his, singing his praises. There wasn't a better feeling; Logan was sure of it.
If pleasure had a color, it was definitely pink.
⥠note: i love hearing y'all's thoughts
#logan howlett#logan howlett x fem!reader#logan x reader#logan howlett smut#logan howlett x reader#hugh jackman#x men#x men fic#logan howlett fic#britt fics#logan smut#wolverine x reader#the wolverine#wolverine smut#wolverine x female reader
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Imagine Slasher sees a man entering (or leaving?) Kitten's house, while he's stalking watching her. How would he react, what would he do? đ
Thank you for all this đ¤đ¤đŤ
sexyback
SLASHER JOEL x f!READER | PLAYLIST | WC: 900
ENTERING! Let's do entering. And you're quite welcome. I hope this rascal makes some of you smile. Love you, Milla. đ¤đ¤
WARNINGS: 18+ dark fic. Unsafe/dark sexual behavior, degradation, humiliation, slasher being slasher, cucking, dubcon/noncon but it's okay cause he ain't got no soul.
Joel watches from outside and perks up when your living room light switches off, and a dim orange light in your bedroom turns on. Yeah, let's go. He doesnât have much of a view, so he creeps around back to the sliding door of your kitchen. And look at that, the door isnât even locked.
This is big. An opportunity to see you whoring around. Catch you in the act. Heâs not gonna blow it: unlike the other times heâs broken in, he doesnât make a sound. He even takes off his shoes and leaves them outside.Â
You little sex kittenâŚyou even left your bedroom door open. He takes a seat on your living room couch which faces away from your bedroom. He rests his elbow over the back of the sofa and angles himself so he can watch. He doesnât see much, at first. Just the silhouette of some loser awkwardly lying on his side on your bed, presumably facing you.
Then there are kissing sounds. Gross. You must have thought the same. You donât sound impressed when you stop and ask the poor guy, âUh, ok. Can we just uhââÂ
And then youâre on top of him. Attagirl. That's the kitten Joel knows. You take off your shirt. Well, damn. You look sexy as hell from this angle.
âYouâre so pretty,â the guy gushes softly. Joel rolls his eyes. That guy totally has a cuck voice. You lean forward, still with your skirt on, although itâs riding up. Your hips move, a little. He pulls your head down for a kiss. Dumbass. That clearly wasnât doinâ it for ya before. Your faces connect, and while youâre not looking, Joel sneaks over to your room. He crosses his arms, holding a knife in one hand, and leaning against the doorframe.
You pull back from the bad kisser and he apologizes softly.
Joel has had enough. âAlright, just take your dick out man. Thatâs all she wants.â
The guy gasps. You turn around with a startle, but you donât freak out. You're getting used to the break-ins.
âJoel,â you scold a little too calmly. âWhat the fuck?â
âTake it out,â Joel repeats to the guy.Â
âWhat are you doing?â You demand.Â
Joel answers, âDonât whore around on me if ya donât want me involved, babe.âÂ
The guy hesitates, and Joel uncrosses his arms. With his knife still in one hand, Joel gesticulates in front of himself, starting with both hands near his crotch. âTake⌠your cockâŚâ He lifts his hands and advances them forward. âOut of your pants.âÂ
The guy is just staring at the knife in Joelâs hand.Â
âNOW,â Joel adds, then addresses you. âGod damn, I can see what you're so bored about.âÂ
The guyâs hands are shaking as he unzips his pants. Joel steps forward to take a look, and, well. Lol.Â
âYou wanna go first or second?â Joel asks.Â
âW-What?â The guy stammers.Â
âTrainsgivingâs come early,â Joel explains. âGo on, get her while sheâs tight.âÂ
The man asks you, âDo you want me to-â
Joel interrupts with an exasperated sigh, then, starting in a mocking voice, âdo you want me toâShut up and do it,â Joel points at him.Â
Joel gets a good look at you. He knows that look on your faceâmortified AND aroused. And when Joel gives you a little smirk, you seem to suppress one of your own. Itâs clear in your eyes. Â
âOkay fine, just lie there,â Joel directs the guy. âHold it for her.â Joel turns to you. âGo on, kitty. Donât stop whorinâ on my account.âÂ
You look Joel up and down, and when he palms a massive bulge in his jumpsuit, thatâs enough to make you do it.Â
Youâre more cock hungry than anyone Joelâs ever met. Too bad this guyâs not much of a meal. Thatâs okay. Joelâs here.
You put a condom on the guy, and Joel laughs, âouch.âÂ
When you sink down on the man, youâre hoping itâs a test. A test youâll fail, provoking Joel into a rage. But no, Joel stands close by and unzips his jumpsuit, staring at where your body meets the cock.
Okay, heâs not that bad, both you and Joel think to yourselves. The guy is frozen.
âWhat,â you ask the guy, âyou donât want this?â
"No, I do." He looks back and forth between the two of you and asks, âDoes he have to be here?â
Joel is now holding the absurd girth of his own shaft and glances down at it before looking the man in the eye. âSomeoneâs gotta pick up the slack,â Joel complains and adds under his breath, "Make up for what you lack."
You begin to move your hips.Â
âAlright, thatâs enough,â Joel decides and puts an arm around you, pulling you off the guy. You pretend to fight Joel off.
The guy asks, âDo you need help?â
âSheâs fine,â Joel cuts him off.Â
âI wasnât done with him,â you protest convincingly.
The guy whispers,âWhat the fuck,â as he backs out of the room, still putting his dick in his pants.Â
âWhy are you ruining my date,â you ask Joel.
âShut up,â Joel pushes you forward and holds you face down on the bed. He growls in your ear. âYou.. filthy.. slut,â then shoves into you brutally.Â
There he is, you think as you smile into the pillow and savor the incredible stretch.
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Thereâs two? || Alex Morgan x reader
Request | Masterlist | prompt list
Summary You and Alex go to your first pregnancy scan and find out some very exciting news
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
âHi, baby.â Alex whispered against your small bump.
It must be about five in the morning but youâd woken up with the worst morning sickness ever and hadnât been able to get back to sleep.
Alex was a god send though, rubbing your back and grabbing your vitamins and some water.
âWe canât wait to see you today. Your sisterâs excited too.â Alex said against your abdomen, pressing light kisses between every few words.
You let a hand run through her hair, playing with the baby hairs on her neck.
This was your second pregnancy, having carried and given birth to yours and Alexâs daughter, Charlie.
However, this pregnancy was a lot harder already.
The morning sickness was double as bad, the aching was double as bad, everything was double as bad.
âCharlieâs going to love it today.â You mumbled, half asleep.
Today, you were having your twelve week scan, finally getting to see your baby for the first time.
âShe is. She loves you so much already. And so do me and mama.â Alex agreed, talking to the baby.
Before either of you could say another word, small footsteps were heard from the hallway, a small knock being heard seconds later.
Alex got up, crouching down to see a sleepy Charlie.
âHi, bubs.â
âHi mommy.â
âWhy arenât you still asleep?â Alex asked, watching Charlieâs eyelids droop.
âExcited to see baby.â You and Alex looked at each other with so much adoration at Charlieâs excitement.
âCan I sleep in yours and mamas bed?â Charlie questioned, giving Alex puppy eyes.
Alex nodded, knowing it was only another hour or two until youâd be awake and up.
âBe careful of mama getting into bed though.â Alex said as Charlie climbed into bed, melting into your side.
âCanât wait to see baby.â Charlie whispered as she fell asleep.
â
It was a few hours later and you were all fully awake now.
Youd checked in at the hospital and was guided through to the room, preparing yourself for the scan.
Alex held your hand as the midwife put on the gel.
You shivered slightly at the cold but fixed your eyes on the screen, awaiting the tiny shadow to appear.
Alex squeezed your hand tightly as the outline of a baby appeared on the screen, along with the sound of a string beating heart.
âAs you can see, this is your baby. Looking at the measurements, they are growing nice and healthy. I canât see any problems.â The midwife smiled, pointing to the screen.
âThatâs our baby, love.â Alex whispered, kissing your cheek.
âBaby?â Charlie asked, pointing to the screen.
âYes, bubs.â
âCan you pull your trousers just a bit lower?â The midwife asked, a confused look on her face.
You obeyed, pulling them down a bit lower so your whole stomach was on show.
You and Alex watched in cincern as she moved the scan âstickâ around.
âThe heart beat you can hear is not just one but two heart beats, which means thereâs two babies. Look, thereâs twin B, hiding behind twin A.â The midwife pointed out, two babies clearly evident on the screen.
âThereâs two? Twins?â Alex asked, her eyes wide.
âTwins, indeed. Congratulations, mamas. Iâll print off some pictures and Iâll be with you again shortly.â
The midwife left the room, leaving you and Alex in shock.
âTwo babies. Weâre having two babies.â Alex said, her jaw dropped.
âWeâre having two babies.â You repeated, staring at Alex.
âMama have two babies in her tummy?â Charlie asked and you nodded, tears welling in your eyes.
âOh my god. Baby, donât cry. Itâs twice as much love we get to share.â Alex said, bringing you in for a hug.
âHappy tears.â You managed to say between cries.
âGroup hug!â Charlie cheered as she joined the hug.
The five of you together.
#woso#woso community#woso x reader#woso imagine#womens football#woso fanfics#alex morgan#woso fluff#alex morgan x reader
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Re-posting this again with a few funky amendments because the people seriously think that being soulmates is enough against McLennon (these are once again coming from a mclennon romance agnostic).
Paul has called them soulmates
They shared dreams and Paul still dreams of John regularly 50 years after John died
John reportedly dreamt of Paul often and had dreams of touching Paul (which we have him recorded asking Paul about)
People at their staff offices reportedly called Paul Johnâs princess
Multiple people referring to them being married/loving each other more than married couples
Yoko TOLD JOHNâS BIOGRAPHER THAT JOHN CONSIDERED AN AFFAIR WITH PAUL. YOKO. JOHNâS WIFE.
John wrote âfuneralâ on Paulâs wedding photo of him and his first wife whilst leaving a tender message beneath a photo of him and Paul
John reportedly wrote about Paul in his diary as much as he wrote about his wife and child
Paulâs first wife (the lovely Linda) said that they were the mirror image of each other and that their relationship was âdeeper than we will ever knowâ
Paulâs âif I see a face in anything, itâs going to be Johnâsâ
After the break-up John would listen to Paulâs records and cry
John thought the âI love youâsâ in one of Paulâs songs were for him
They actually fully believed they had a telepathic bond
âItâs almost like weâre loversâ and all of Get Back basically
Weird extended eye contact that freaked people out it was so intense
Beat the Meatles
John wrote a song with loads of hidden references to Paul. In it he tells the subject (highly likely to be Paul) not to cry, that they can return to their telepathic state and that he will now love him more than ever
On that same note John told Paul the song Jealous Guy was for him. The track again apologised for making someone cry but the singer (John) was scared that they didnât love them any more and he panicked
John wrote a short story in which he fucks a âpersonâ in Paris in the George V hotel after doing âMethodist actingâ. John went to Paris after filming a movie in 1966 to see Paul. They had also stayed at the George V hotel on their other trips there. The girls name that heâs supposed to be having sex with is a play on the word âPoppersâ and her genitalia is alluded to be male. There are multiple other euphemisms to gay sex in the passage (âtreading lightly on the loafers etc). The âgirlâ, his little Aime, insists they listen to âGod Only Knowsâ by the Beach Boys. This was and is one of Paulâs favourite songs and the song he insisted John listen to on repeat in ⌠you guessed it, 1966
They both got married within 8 days of each other. John insisted on getting married the MINUTE he heard Paul had
John wearing an âI Love Paulâ badge around New York
John told his friend Harry Nillson that like everyone âhe fell for Paulâs looksâ
When John died Paul was one of three people Yoko called, the other two were Johnâs Aunt who raised him and Johnâ first son. He was that important
Paul getting married to his third wife (first wife died, second marriage a shit-show) on Johnâs birthday (after John had died) and giving a tribute speech for John on the day
Paul holding onto one of Johnâs songs to get it released FOR THIRTY YEARS. Technology had to catch-up to do it but he did it!
Thereâs a book now
Like last time, this isn't even the half of it.
Best RPF Ship - Round 5 Match 2
#the beatles#propaganda#know your history#the OG to end OG's#didn't even mention John attending Paul's dates to glare at the girl
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But Two Though?
Summary: In which you're so in love with your boyfriend that you see yourself starting a family with him and you obviously had to sing about it!
Quinn Hughes x Singer!reader
Warning: romantic themes, kissing, pet names, mentions of children, mentions of parenting, and mentions of sex.
A/N: even tho it's a singer reader this imagine also has AFAB!reader(cause of the song lmao) I still use they/them pronouns, no need to worry about that.
Juno is literally so good, and since I gave Nico bed chem, I just HAD to give quinn Juno! Hope you enjoy. And I had this fun idea of embarrassing Quinn when he's with his family on stage last night soooooo
You were estastic when you found out Quinn and his family would be at your concert tonight.
You brushed your hair for what felt like the hundredth time as you calmed your nerves.
Your manager later called you to get on stage, and you rushed there immediately. Your fans cheered as they saw you with your guitar.
"Hi everyone!" You waved to them all.
The crowd roared in excitement as they saw you and sang along to your many songs till the very last one. Little did they know that you had a little surprise.
You finished your last set, and when you didn't go off the stage like you normally would have, your fans grew in confusion but nonetheless enjoyed it.
"You didn't think the show was over, did you?" You chuckled teasingly. "I just have a little special song."
Your fans gasped as the Hughes looked at Quinn for an answer that never came.
"I wrote this song but I'm like never gonna release it." You chuckled. "Might give it to sabs- Sabrina or something. She'll certainly know what to do with it."
Your fans cheered at the slip-up not nonetheless you continued.
"I can't say much about this song, but... it is different from my other songs, different from older and five seconds flat." You explained. You and Quinn were quite private about your relationship, so you didn't want to go overboard on the speech. "I don't know how to describe it, but it made me feel things I didn't even know I would ever feel. This song is called Juno, like the movie Enjoy."
Your fans cheered to your speech as you strung notes on your guitar.
"Don't have to tell your hot ass a thing, oh yeah you just get it." You sang. "Whole package babe, I like the way you fit god bless your dad genetics."
Your mind flashes to you and Quinn in bed, cuddling next to each other in the night. The love you two shared never fading only growing stronger after that night.
"Will this change something between us?" You asked, looking up at him.
"What? No, never. We're still us, you know that." He reassured you.
"Still us." You confirmed in his hold.
Quinn looked at you in confusion. He knew your songwriting, it was a shock that this song was more upbeat and not lyrical there was a hint of fun behind it.
"I know you want my touch for life. If you love me right, then who knows," You hummed. "I might let you make me Juno."
He knew this song was about him, but how? Unless... Oh... oh
You saw Quinn as he interacted with J.T.'s kids and how easy it was to do so. It made your heart swell.
Natalie came up behind you. "You want one, don't you?"
You put a hand on your heart, currently not expecting it. "What?"
"A kid," She clarifies.
Your face flushed as you realized you have been caught. "I mean sure one day but it's too early."
"Well it doesn't help to try now, talk to him." She encouraged.
"Believe me, we've been trying." You chuckled dryly, Natalie on the other hand laughed loud.
"What's so funny?" Quinn was in front of you two now, holding one of the kids at his hip and you couldn't help but wonder... what if that was your kid?
"Oh nothing, Y/N just telling me what an amazing cook you are." Natalie winks at you as she takes her leave with her kid in tow.
Quinn eyed her suspiciously. "Okay... what were you two really talking about?"
"Exactly what she said, how you're a great cook, an amazing one." You lied through your teeth.
Quinn knew you were lying, if anything you was a much better cook than he was but he decided to let it slide and hugged you from behind the rest of the time.
You continued on with the song, getting out of your comfort zone more and more with each line. "Adore me, hold me and explore me, mark your territory tell me I'm the only, only, only, only one."
Luke hums. "This song is definitely was not what I expected."
Jack exclaims. "I'm sorry, did they just say what I think they just said? They just said they're horny on stage."
"You don't have to repeat it." Quinn mutters, his face getting flushed as the song came to a close.
Ellen looked at her son lovingly. "Been together five years and you still get shy when you hear a song they wrote about you."
"Let's not tease him too much he still has yet to ask the question." Jim joked.
"Dad," Quinn groaned.
"You can borrow my ring sweetie, the replica that is." Ellen offers.
"No mom it's not that..." Quinn trailed off.
Jack being the first one to realize, gasped aloud, and shook Luke back and forth. "You already have a ring!"
"I'm going to wait for them backstage." Quinn began to walk away.
"At this rate, we're gonna have to propose for him." Luke mutters, Ellen hit him on the head as a response as they followed Quinn.
When the rest of the family got there, you was already in Quinn's arms looking at him lovingly. They decided to go into their own conversations, letting you two talk alone.
"Did you like the song at the end?" Your voice began timid, the more you grew vulnerable.
Quinn hums. "Yeah, it was nice. Didn't know you wanted a kid with me."
"Yeah, I've been meaning to tell you about that." You look away from his gaze but he quickly gets it back.
"I want to have kids with you too Y/N. If I wanted anyone to make me a father it would be you." Quinn admits.
"You really that?" You said hopefully.
"Of course I do, but I would want to do something first before we get started." He says.
You grow confused. "And what would that be honey?"
"I would like to marry you." Quinn says without hesitation.
Your eyes widened in size as you took in his words. "You want to marry me?"
"I don't have the ring with me right now and I love you too much to say just one speech but I do know that I see myself spending the rest of my life with you, if you'll have me." Quinn looks at you hopefully.
"I'll always want you Quinn, I would be glad to marry you." You caressed his cheek, his eyes closing at your touch.
"I love you guys but please do not make me an uncle tonight." Jack says.
You both glared at Jack who quickly back off, he mutters a sorry and says he'll meet them in the car, Luke joining him.
Once they're gone, Quinn looks at his parents with a shy smile. "We're getting married."
#nhl#nhl imagine#luke hughes#jack hughes#nhl hockey#nhl players#verycoolusername1#quinn hughes fanfiction#quinn hughes x reader#quinn hughes imagine#quinn hughes#qh43#vancouver canucks#canucks hockey#huggy bear#nhl x reader#nhl fic#nhl fanfiction#quinn hughes blurb
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God no seriously I love liars. I love when characters want their lie to be real. I love when characters didn't think this lie would be that serious, when they think it's just a little white lie that's worth it and that's helping even. I love when the lie gets wildly out of control and endangers everyone else in the process. I love when they're so so guilty over it and yet they can't say it, can't make themselves, too afraid of the consequences. I love when they're extremely aware of how wrong it is and still they can't admit it.
I love when characters make part of their identity being a liar. I love when characters openly admit that you can't trust what they say. Why do they? Bragging? Warning them? Just being self aware? I love when the character with a reputation for lying is trying to tell the truth and nobody believes them, and they have nobody to blame but themselves. I love when they lie so much not even they know what's under the act. I love when they don't know what's acting and what's not, when lying is just a habit for them.
I love characters who have begun to believe their own lie. Maybe they started with lying to themselves before they even said it to anyone else. Maybe they need this lie so they don't fall apart. Maybe it's all that's keeping them from breaking under reality. Maybe they take any attempt to confront them with the truth as a personal attack, because why would you make them face that. Maybe they've forgotten the truth. Maybe they never knew the truth at all. Maybe the lie was just the closest possible answer they could think of. How much are they a liar and how much are they just a person who was wrong? Where's the line?
I love liars. There are so many ways you can take their character and I will always lose my shit over it.
#reigen arataka#arataka reigen#jasper (oc)#kokichi ouma#sunny omori#basil omori#I LOVE LIARS!!! gotta be one of my favorite genders
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𧸠;; GIRLL I LOVE YOUR BLOG SMM !! okay so imagine riki and crybaby!reader during the devils tango or something how do you spell it, like crybaby!reader is obviously crying âšď¸âšď¸ meanwhile riki is trying to comfort her while also making them both feel good (this is like my first req đŁđŁ sorry if the grammar is bad !!)
Crybaby - Nishimura Riki
Riki held himself up on the mattress as he fucked into you, holding you close as he made sure to not go too hard or anything. Tonight wasn't about that. No matter how clichĂŠ it sounded, it was more like making love rather than simply fucking tonight.
It felt so special right now, so comfortable, so loving, so vulnerable. It was all so overwhelming and you found yourself crying. It wasn't exactly a rarity for you to cry, especially not during sex, so when Riki noticed, he wasn't exactly shocked but he had to make sure it wasn't due to something bad.
"You okay?" He huffed out, his slow and deep thrusts continuing.
You continued to cry, your tears sliding down your face, into your hair, and on the pillow. "Mm. Yeah." You managed to whine out. "Just, love you." You tell him. You didn't know how else to put it. Of course, it was much deeper than that but that was the best way you could put it right now.
"I know you do. I love you too, baby. So much." Riki said as he wiped your tears away with one hand.
You couldn't help but keep crying, feeling so in love right now it was making your heart sore. Riki looked into your eyes, his movements not faltering because he knew you both needed this right now.
Despite knowing the reasoning behind your tears, he never liked seeing you cry, even if this wasn't something new to him.
"I hate seeing you cry." He huffed out as he held you closer, burying his face in your neck, kissing the skin as he made love to you.
"I'm not sad." You managed to say.
"I know, I know." He murmured against the skin of your neck. "Still hate it." Riki simply said as his movements continued.
You couldn't bring yourself to respond as you felt yourself growing closer to your orgasm. Your moans grew higher pitched and by that and the way your body was reacting, your boyfriend knew you were getting closer to your release.
"Getting close?" He asked and all you could manage was a "Uh-huh."
It didn't take long until you were cumming all over his covered cock. He fucked you through it before cumming into his condom. He lay there afterward for a few moments as you both came down from your high. He stayed in you as he pulled back a bit to look at your face and to see that you were no longer crying.
"You okay?" He softly asked again.
"Yeah." You quietly say in response.
"Just love me so much, yeah?" He said with a smile and a teasing smile as he pinched your side.
"Yeah." You giggle a little as he tickled your side a bit before stopping.
"I love you so much too. More than you know." Riki then said before leaning down and kissing you. He loved you and your crybaby habits so much.
A/N: Thank you! I loved this idea because oh my god, crybaby reader is so me. I hope it's okay that there wasn't a particularly sad reason why the reader was crying. I wasn't really sure what you wanted!
#rikkiz#enhypen#enhypen hard hours#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen smut#nishimura riki#nishimura riki smut#nishimura riki hard thoughts#nishimura riki hard hours#rikkiz 𧸠anon
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youtube
adding the 3rd interview from that day here, the one where Harry says Louis is a good boyfriend and treats him really well.
the tag here from 2015 was "and they haven't done an interview together in the last 3 1/2 years" and now it's almost 13 years later and they have never ever been allowed to do another interview together.
clown ass Syco & Modest! behaviour
like, i need to rant for a second. my memory is awful, so i basically watched these interviews with fresh eyes. they're obviously super comfortable (dare i say: domestic) with each other. the flirting, the banter and the mirroring, and how it sounds like they already knew every single answer the other one is gonna give.. everything is so lovely. it's so obvious how how they sometimes get lost looking at each other and how freely and easily they touch each other. but watching these also got me thinking if you think about interviews where Harry actually said to Zayn, about Louis: "Don't say that.. that he's gay!" (x) "Lou, can I give you a blowjob?" (x) "Louis'.. Louis' boyfriend!" / "Can't choose boyfriend." (x) "And I'd marry you, Harry." (x) "I'd take Harry for the night." (x) (For my a dinner date I'd choose) Harry: "You, Louis." (x) "My first real crush was Louis Tomlinson." (x) "Are you and Louis dating?" Harry: *nods & blushes* (x) "She looks like Harry". Then, Louis: "Marriage. Sex, everything." (x) "Female." - Harry: "Not that important." (x) (re: sleeping with a man) Harry: "Hey, don't knock it 'till you try it!" (x) "Now kiss me, you fool!" (x) "What does Harry taste like?" - Louis: "Salt and vinegar." (x) and their million domestic tweets at and about each other (extensive tweets tag by the wonderful @skepticalarrie)
(and these are only the ones that quickly came to me off the top of me tired brain), then that decision truly baffles and angers me even more. There's like dozens and dozens more instances like the mentioned+linked ones, oftentimes where words weren't even said and they just touched or looked at each other.. and oh my god.. the FRISCO interview just a month after Paris, where Louis declared "some people genuinely think.. they GeNuiNeLy think that we're together!" and Liam says "You are, though, aren't ya!" and Harry just nods, all dazed and still wearing his cock-appointment-blush and then Zayn moves the topic towards him and Harry and curiously, nobody ever says "so it's not true!". and then the air kisses and sign language love declarations and their at least 7 matching tattoos (that we know of). the absolutely besotted way they looked at each other from day one. the way they verbally supported each other; defended each other and got obviously jealous over someone else touching either of them. and the rings Harry was gifted by Louis that he's still wearing almost 12 years later... like--
all of this still happened despite them never again being interviewed just the two of them or even getting a fucking segment just the two of them during things like 1D Day! which is so telling.
and all of this compared to how they behaved with each other during those Paris interviews -the ones that were -to Modest! obviously too much? let's be SO fr.. in my personal opinion, those interviews are very tame compared to everything else. they're rather sweet and polite and they didn't even touch each other nearly as much as they did in group interviews, because obviously that is safer, because you've got a lot more distraction for the eye with five guys instead of two. In one of the 3 interviews, Louis is even pretty quiet and calm; just seems very peaceful (or thoughtful). (which is just my personal interpretation, there could be lots of reasons for it)
And they were the same age in Paris as they were for a lot of the things they let slip in other group interviews then. sometimes when they didn't know it was being picked up by a mic or camera, but oftentimes they knew and still couldn't / didn't want to stop themselves :')
I could write a lot more about the hypocrisy of it all or how devastating it still feels and how angry it still makes me -almost 15 years later-, how swiftly and deeply they were shoved into the closet, when every other very private detail of their personal lives was being dragged into the public, twisted and turned and "marketed" to death. (and the latter was obviously fucking damaging to all of them) I shudder to imagine how much homophobia they were exposed to by the people who were supposed to nurture and guide them when their families and friends couldn't be with them. Obviously, the fact that they -so early on- were tried to be kept separated like that portrays just how desperate Clowndest! tried to do "damage control". And of course they failed, but not for lack of squeezing these two into such a sinister iron closet for so many years; piling up contracted lies upon contracted lies that added to all the pressure of two young people who were giving their love a try.. the more lies they piled up, the harder would it be for them later on.
and now look where we are now. they persisted, but at what cost?
Louis & Harry Paris Interviews
How many interviews are there of just Louis and Harry? Iâm talking video interviews of L + H, sans Niall, Liam or Zayn to babysit them. There seem to only be a grand total of 2. And both took place on the same day. (February 14, 2012âŚWas it really on Valentineâs Day??) The Teemix interview below is broken up into 4 parts, but itâs all one interview.
This post actually took me longer than you might think because I tried so hard to find other video interviews of H + L. There arenât any. Shocking, right?
LâInterview Paris - Fan2Fr
youtube
Highlights include:Â
At 4:30 Louis reading Harryâs Hot and Dangerous on the fan-art: âOf course heâs hotâÂ
4:51 Harry says of Louis, âI would describe it more as funny and handsome and ruggedâŚA bit more manlyâ and Louis gives the brightest most amused smile to the camera.
The looks they give each other at the end of the video with the whole âdangerous dave(?)â thing. Many people hear Harry say âIâll get you for that tonightâ in response. I suck at deciphering these things, but it would make sense given  Louisâ laughing reaction to it.
Teemix Interview 1 of 4
youtube
Louisâ face at 3:24 when waiting for Harry to describe Niallâs characteristics.
Louis softly pushing Harryâs hair back at 3:40 when describing him as âcurly.â He just..keeps..going..oh my god itâs adorable.
Teemix Interview 2 of 4
youtube
The way they finish each othersâ sentences, talking about being normal lads. They seem so in sync and sound so relaxed about it.
At 0:38 â L: We still pop down to the shop every now and againâ H: Bread and milk. L: Yep, the standard.
Teemix Interview 3 of 4
youtube
At 0:20 when describing their ideal girl, Harry corrects Louisâ âgood sense of humourâ comment with âGREAT sense of humourâ and Louis nods âyeahâ with the most earnest, serious agreement Iâve ever seen from a person in a boyband answering a generic question. Theyâre clearly describing each other.
This entire segment is a ridiculous display of how calm and in sync these two are. Telling the story of Liamâs chat up lines, agreeing on their favourite date spots (1:35), Louis proudly suggesting âcook them their favourite mealâ (2:12), theyâre so at ease with each other and so willing to agree on every little thing.
At 2:42 Louis tries to figure out how long heâs been with Eleanor and Harry suggests âa year?â. Harryâs just straight-up laughing at this point and again, clearly talking about him and Louis.
âI would definitely say Harry is the most confident with girlsâ and then he GRINS.
The way theyâre smiling at each other at the end is too much. Louis tells Harry, âyouâre on a whole new level of charm, manâ and canât stop grinning.
Hereâs a slow-mo gif of Louisâ cute head roll, when faced with having to choose his favourite love song.Â
Teemix Interview 4 of 4
They cut off Louis at 1:52 here and it makes me realise I canât even imagine what the unedited version of these L + H interviews is likeâŚ
youtube
#just wanted to reblog this cute as hell post and marinate in my thoughts about it and then i got upset.. whew#i wish them freedom i wish they wouldn't have had to go through all this shit man#to quote Harry's diary cover: â...LET US LOVEâ#paris 2012#in this house we HATE MODEST#in this house we HATE SYCO#larry#video#interview#2012#Paz rambles#Youtube#mine#(well my thoughts and link collection only)#receipts
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Post Canon! Yuuji wants to be a university student. He says that after all the war and loss he needs to catch up on rest and just be human- like the rest of them. He blames Nobaraâs insatiable nagging about âfinally being around people with tasteâ and excuses it by saying that Megumi needs to find someone to love- whether the brooding guy wants it or not. However, in truth he misses the carefree school life. And he knows they all need a break from curses. So, after a lot of nagging from his side, the trio sent in their uni applications minutes before the deadline.Â
Post Canon! Yuuji is dead set on living his best life in the coming three years. To study âsomethingâ while attending every book and nerd club with Megumi, every frat party and adventure with Nobara, and hell, maybe show off some of his god-given sports skills he shunned in high school. After all, girls still dug that sort of thing even at uni- the entire âjocksâ and âathletesâ persona, right?!Â
Post Canon! Yuuji is determined to experience everything being a ânormal guyâ could get him. He intends to make new friends, be social, live life and get laid as much as possible. Be single and date until he is sick of romance. But most importantly, he wants these three years to be about him, his wants, his needs, and to be a bit goddamn selfish for once.Â
At least, that is the plan he declares to his friends as they step onto campus, Nobara and Megumi rolling their eyes at him before heading to get their schedules. While Post Canon! Yuuji headed straight to the housing office because heâd rather be Sukunaâs vessel again than drive two hours daily from campus to the Jujutsu dorms.Â
Post Canon! Yuuji sees you, the administrative assistant so far from his usual type, and instantly knows his plans go straight out the window. He shuffles closer to you and the large desk youâre seated at, mouth dry and hands shaking like a teenager as he places his papers and ID on the table before you. He greets you with a shaky smile he hopes doesnât look like a grimace. âH-Hi! Iâm here for house- housing!â God, he sounds like such a noob.Â
Post Canon! Yuuji canât help the genuine grin that splits his face as you flash him a look that so clearly reads âobviouselyâ before typing away at the computer. The way you act instantly reminds him of Megumi and Nobara, and he feels more at ease around you.Â
Then, addressing him like an idiot feels familiar and almost like coming home: âHere is your copy of the contract and the key. Youâre in the main dorms, in a single room on the second floor. recycling at the entrance, and the kitchen at the end of the same hall.â You explain, pointing out the location of his room on a map and then the location of the kitchen as if he was so helpless he wouldnât be able to find it without your guidance.
 âAnything else?â You ask yet it sounds more like a common phrase you utter, expecting a ânoâ and turning back to your computer to prepare for the next poor sod with a task a glorified monkey could do
But Post Canon! Yuuji isnât ready to let you go. He wants more of your attention, so he says the first thing on his mind; âAww, man, a dorm room? Are you sure? I-I mean, Iâm certain I booked a flat!-â Yuji rushes to put on his biggest puppy dog eyes- the kind Nobara says makes him look like a wet dog- âCan you check again? Please? Me and my friends are not from around here, and If Iâve fucked up on housing- man theyâll kill meââ Yuuji rushes out a full-on water-works story, heâs even impressed with himself, maybe he should take up theatre.
Or not, but hey at least it keeps your attention on him.
Post Canon! Yuuji drinks in you and studies every feature of you. From the dark daggers you glare at him, then to the way your eyes grow mild with pity, to how you bite your lips in thought until heâs sure heâll recognise you anywhere, just by your looks or voice alone.
âIâm sorry, you booked a dorm room, and no flats are available at the momentâ you put on that fake work-voice that instantly makes Yuujiâs face fall. He likes your real voice- mean tone and all- a lot better.Â
Post Canon! Yuuji looks like a kicked puppy as he slowly gathers his stuff from your desk. He barely registers the look of surprise on your face, as if you expected him to talk back to you or pester you instead of politely accepting your words the way he does. But he notes how your expression shifts into hesitation and finally determination.Â
Post Canon! Yuuji is about to leave when you clear your throat to get his attention. Then, you lean over the desk separating, you two. âYou know..â your voice is quiet, clearly not wanting the gathering students in the lobby to hear you, âNot all the apartment keys are gathered yet so there could still come in a cancellation in the next few days... youâre welcome by to check-âÂ
Post Canon! Yuuji grins widely- the widest he has grinned in many years. âIâll be here tomorrow!â he declares before being forced to leave your small office as your boss draws your attention away. But Yuuji swears to himself he will be there tomorrow, the day after, and the next day after. As long as it means he can talk to you, if only for a little bit.Â
But first,Post Canon! Yuuji needs to figure out what to do if he actually gets a flat through you. Could he bribe Nobara and Megumi to share the costs with him? Maybe post a âroom for rentâ ad?
Ohh, well, Post Canon! Yuuji decides, with a skip in his step, heâll cross that bridge when he gets there. After all, he reasons, you have to do some insane things for love, right?!Â
Author note:Â Thank you so so much, @ravester, for asking for a Yuuji-centric post canon hcs I hope this meets your expectations <3
And for the rest of the wonderful readers, what do you think? We have a Megumi one and a Yuuji one, do we need a Nobara one as well?
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