#i still didnt get the exam BUT my doctor was not concerned about me waiting or trying a form of the exam next year if i wanted

[whoslaurapalmer]

APPOINTMENT SURVIVED!! 💖

[kirieshhhka003]

I see Jonathan is one of your faves and thats great cuz I am SOFT for him tonight 😭 Could you do something, hcs, scenarios, or something for Jonathan after rescuing reader from whatever, and they give him a hug and kiss as a thanks? 🥺 Sweet boi deserves love

Thank you for your request, my lovely anon💚

Yeah, I couldn’t stop myself from adding lil but of yandere here, sorry. But it was the first time I wrote a minor character as yan, not the main one. It turned out way longer than I expected if to be, but, anyways, hope you’ll like it. Enjoy✨

Warnings: yandere behavior, stalking

Jonathan Joestar x reader

It was just a regular evening that you were spending with your head buried in a book. You were studying to be a doctor so you were supposed to work hard to become a great specialist in medicine and save peoples’s lives.

You were in the library of the university you were studying in. Final exams were coming and you worked hard to pass a semester. You were so engrossed in the work that you didnt pay any attention to time, only when a librarian informed you that the library was closing in a few minutes, you realized how late in the evening it was.

You apologized for making a librarian wait, quickly packed up all your copybooks and walked out of the building of the library. It was dark outside, a night sky was strewn with pretty little stars. Sreetlights were glowing with a soft yellow light, illuminating narrow streets of London.

Your home was located not that far - 15 minutes walk from the library, so you wrapped yourself deeper in your scarf and rushed home. It was a very productive day, you made lots of notes that’ll help with exam preparation. Your grades were satisfactory and you were sure that you’ll pass all your exams great, but how could you not to be worried?

Your thoughts were only about anatomy, drug names and their usage. You didn’t even notice someone addressing to you.

- Hey, /Name/! It’s very rude to ignore someone, you know? - a young man grabbed your shoulder and turned you to him. His face looked familiar, but how hard you tried to figure out who he it you couldn’t remember his name. - What are you doing here that late? - A wide smile appeared on man’s face.

- Henry? Oh, I’m coming back home from a library, there’s an exams coming, we all need to work hard to pass them, - you said, slightly smiling. It was Henry Brown, you two were attending the same university, but he was a final-year student while you were only on the third year of study. - What are you doing here? As far as I know your house is located in the other district, isn’t it?

- Uuugh, yeah, you’re right, I was waiting for somebody, - he answered with a bright smile. - So, maybe I can walk you home? It’s already late, you know, hooligans, murderers, zombies and witches... - you giggled at his last words, what made him blush a little. He scratched his neck and smiled at you shyly. - So, what?

- Yeah, sure, why not? Zombies are a real danger, - you two giggled at your joke and rushed to the house your apartment were situated in.

- So, you were preparing for the coming exams? Your grades are excellent, I’m sure that you’ll pass, you shouldn’t overwork yourself, - Henry’s voice was concerned, you could see that he was worried by the way he furrowed his eyebrows.

- I need to tell you something important. I said, that I was waiting for someone. Actually, this someone was you. I’ve been watching you all this year, you can’t even imagine how hard it was to keep hands to myself. I can’t hold all this words and feelings back anymore, - he took your hands into his and kissed your knuckles tenderly. - /Name/ I love you. I love you for so long, please, be mine! -

Wait, wait, wait. What? Henry loves you? What love? You two have hardy talked to each other, three, maybe four times. Love? He gotta be drunk. Yeah, he was just drunk and mistook him for someone else. But wait, he was watching you? What is that even mean. This situation started to freak you out.

You looked around, looking for someone who could help you, but it was late in the night, you and Henry were the only one on a street.

- Are you drunk? - You felt that he tighten his grip on your hands. - Henry, let me go, you hurt me!

- Drunk? Am I drunk? Yes, yes I am drunk. I’m drunk with you, you are the one, who makes me feel like that. I can’t stop it, so please, please say “yes”! - Henry’s eyes widened, eyebrows furrowed, now he looked more like a schizophrenic. He kept saying some gibberish about how he loves you and that you were the only reason he lived for. Now, you were scared. You tried to get out of Henry’s grip, but he only tightened it more.

- Oh, dear, I’d do anything to prove my love for you. We’ll be such a great couple, please, come with me! - you shut your eyes tightly, but suddenly Henry shut up. When you opened your eyes to look what happened you saw your friend Jonathan, gripping on Henry’s shoulder.

- Let her go. Don’t you see that you hurt her? This beautiful lady is scared, and the reason of her fear is you!

Henry looked irritated, how someone dared to interrupt them. He turned around to look at the person who was talking, but he didn’t lost his grip on you. He lost almost all of his confidence and aggression when he saw a 6,5 ft tall man standing in fron of him, but quickly got control over himself.

- What do you want? You interrupted us. It’s non of your business! Get out of here!

- Let. Her. Go, - by the look of Jonathan’s face you could see that he was angry, his always soft and amiable voice was cooler than ice.

- Dude, you don’t wanna troubles, right? - Henry was harshly interrupted by a punch right to the jaw. Henry fall on the ground, and cried out of pain. By the disgusting cracking sound you understood that his jaw was broken.

- I hope you’ll learn this lesson. If I see you standing to her nearer that 10 feet, I don’t know what I’ll do to you. It’s not love, you’re just sick. - Jonathan pulled you closer to himself by the elbow and walked you away from this place.

- Jonathan, what are you doing here? - you asked anxiously, you were still frightened by Henry’s weird behavior.

- That’s not how you thank your savior, dear, - Jonathan gave you a soft smile, his warm hand slightly ruffled your hair, it soothed you a little and gave you a feeling of security.

- Thank you, - you responded and rubbed your wrists. Henry’s grip was strong, there will be bruises that’ll remind you of what happened for a next few weeks. - Gosh, he scared me so much. I didn’t know what to do!

- I think you should spend this night at my house. This weirdo said that he was watching you, you won’t be safe at your apartment. No complains, it’s for your own good, - Jonathan’s voice was confident and you understood that he’ll accept no complains. - Gosh, I wanted to walk you home, but when I came, library was already closed. I decided to met you by your house, but I saw this weirdo molesting you. - his voice was worried, you could hear that Janathan was scared as much as you were.

- Oh, okay, I think that you’re right. Thank you, - you stopped Jonathan and hugged him tightly. He didn’t expect that and it took a few moments for him to underestand what you were doing. When he bent to hug you back you kissed his cheek softly. His eyes widened from surprise, you’ve never done this before.

He leaned back a little and looked you in the eyes, you noticed his cheeks flushed a little. He looked so adorable, you couldn’t hold back a smile

- Wha... What was it? - he was so confused, you could say it by the look of his face. What was it? Your love. You loved him for a long time and you knew that Jonathan felt it too. But this game in friends lasted for too long, and it was a great opportunity to rush things for a little.

- Who knows... So, let’s go, I’m getting cold, - you tugged him slightly by the sleeve of his coat. He gently took your hand into his and squeezed it slightly. You were still worried about Henry, you should look for a new apartment. But you knew that everything will be fine as long as Jonathan is by your side.

Masterlist | Smut Masterlist

[doctormage]

hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!! 

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

[krissewrites]

Gynecologist!Jin - BTS Imagine

requested. this idea was so... unique??? i also love dr. jin sue me.

i have reached the bottom of the army totem poll

no one is below me right now

lets get started

graduated from john hopkins university as an international student

top of his class

originally planned on working for a pharmaceutical firm back in korea

but was offered a job at planned parenthood as a gyno.

a little hesitant at first because he didnt think he’d be comfortable with a job like that

but still took it because it paid more than packing pills into a bottle

its now his third year being referred to as “dr. kim”

he never gets used to it

is widely known among the nurses and staff to be “dr. handsome”

lets talk about his little room/office thing

looks very professional at first glance but the longer you look around the more you learn about his personality

you’d been sitting there for almost fifteen minutes now

and he had small books, scaled models of the reproductive system, and various other trinkets.

but he also had cute stuffed animals on his shelves, a pink medical folder, and cute pens with various decorations on them.

and just as you had reached out to pick up one of his pens, the door opened

you almost snap your neck to turn around and see what all the hype was about

and boy were the staff right

he was handsome as fuck

you tensed up a little as he closed the door behind him and looked at the pen in your hand

“im sorry they were just so cute--”

“right? i love them.”

hes actually not mad at all that you were messing with his stuff

but he did look a little stressed but you didnt look into it too much

by now hes sitting behind the desk in a big swivel chair

but his shoulders are still wider than the chair

help me

you put the pen back in the cup and anxiously bounce your legs bc this is your first ob-gyn appointment with a different doctor

and it didnt help that your doctor was also a fine piece of ass

you see jins eyes trail up from his folder

he thinks its cute that you’re nervous around him

so a small smirk finds its way across his features

“you’re just here for a breast examination?”

“yeah”

“any reason why?”

“just a regular checkup”

jin nods his head, closes his folder, and stands up

he has his hands in his pocket and honestly, his chest has never looked broader

“lets go to the examination room, okay?”

waits for you to exit before he closes his office door

so you finally get to the exam room and he pulls out a stethoscope and various other things for a routine checkup.

the first thing he does it check your heart

and let me tell you it was not you resting heartbeat

he is so fucking close okay

“take a deep breath and hold it for me, okay?”

god forbid you dont do what he says

if jin was my dr he could tell me to eat raw beef and id still do it knowing the consequences

anyway

he charts you weight, height, blood pressure, etc

as hes turned around putting all his equipment back in place he tells you to take your shirt and bra off

the first thing that comes across your mind are those stupid scenarios where the pizza guy comes and u have no money and u know what happens

and youre like.... this is it....

wrong he couldn’t care less about your exposed chest

because hes professional

the entire time hes doing the exam you cant look him the eye

he finishes up and tells you to go ahead and get dressed again

and you gladly do so

after your done he turns around with a big smile

“well the good news is, there’s nothing to be concerned about.”

and your like fuck yeah

but your also like fuck no what’s the bad news

so your quick to ask him whats up

“so... the bad news?”

and he sighs, humming a little as he thinks about what to say

“i had a dinner reservation for two, but i’ll be the only one coming.”

and youre like... THIS IS IT.

“have you ever had tteokbbeoki?”

that night he looked completely different than he had in his white coat

he wore a ill-fitting black hoodie and big glasses

and looked so comfy

you two spent the entire life cracking jokes

and he even mustered up the courage to tease you a little by feeding you

“shut up, it’s not that hot.”

“it is too!”

“you’d never make it in korea.”

and one last minute date turned into two, and then four, and then ten.

you two had been dating for six months now

and you get all your examinations free

hes just a very sweet man who cares a lot about you?? best couple 2k17 goes to jin x y/n

bonus! he has a stupid sense of humor.

after sex he always says some stupid gynecologist pun

“i’ve seen my fair share of boobs, but yours are the best”

“second looks never hurt. round two? i need to make sure you’re healthy”

“please stop hitting me y/n you love my jokes”

[shuubelly]

5 Days break from school, 4.03.20🌻

So for the past 5 days I’ve been sick with a flu and the doctor gave me a 5 day MC. So initially, i had planned to force myself to study because my exam results this term wasn’t very good. 

However my body and mind wasn’t feeling that motivated to study so what did i do instead? Well, i streamed all 16 episodes of Hotel Del Luna in 4 days and that’s like almost 6 hrs of drama per day oh my. Like i get all the hype around HDL, it’s a pretty good drama w/ a different and interesting plot that is artistically very nice, like the outfits and aesthetics of the show, however it didnt attract my attention a lot. Like i cried and really enjoyed watching the movie, but i wasn’t as emotionally attracted to the drama as i expected i would be. And i was shocked because i’m very easily emotionally attached to things i like and i really really liked HDL, but idk why i was not too emotionally attached to the drama. Like if i watched an anime i really like, even if it’s a really bad anime, i would be emotionally attached and think about it for like a month. Maybe i slowly got used to watching all these online animation, franchises, or series that i’m starting to slowly not get as emotionally attached as i used to be. wow that was a really long paragraph just for me to express my emotional attachment to shows haha

So i also did some drawing. I’m not a very talented artist, i just draw to put all my really crazy thoughts into one. So there’s this theme called ‘yami kawaii’, which means sickly cute, that was trending last year. I’m not sure if its still a big thing i’m kinda outdated oops. But i really like it, not because i myself have anything to express about it, but its putting something so negative and concerning and giving it a totally different character and personality. So i like to doodle about about the outfits with yami kawaii theme (funfact,, i really like to doodle outfits that have stories in my free time, although they might not be that good haha). I drew a design of a girl dressed in yami kawaii. Well she doesn’t have much of a story behind her, but she’s half angel half demon dressed in a cute yami kawaii off-shoulder sweater with thigh high socks and platform sneakers. I wanted her to portray the angel and devil in yanderes and i’m not sure if this was a very good representation of it. But i thought she looked really cute tho><

And also because i’m literally a crackhead, i decided to have a mini concert in my room all by myself. So i closed by opaque curtains, closed my door and played the live version of Aoi Shouta and Generations songs on max volume. This probably isn’t very good for my throat but man the more i shouted and screamed the more i felt my stress melting away. So if you’re ever stressed or under pressure, instead of plainly screaming out loud, why not have a mini concert while you’re at it? (okay maybe like try to keep the volume to a minimum, you don’t wanna annoy or bother your neighbors, be considerate of them ye)

So my 5 days of rest wasn’t very productive, but i sure did managed to at least get some rest and do fun things to help me get away from the pressure of my bad results. So today was a pretty normal day at school for me, not understanding history well, and barely coping with my subjects, hopefully one day i’ll eventually understand. Can’t wait for my early dinner with my leftover salad from yesterday and then i have tuition.. sigh this is gonna be a battle of my motivation and energy😪😪😪

cheers🌸

[livingwithms-blog]

For my 39th Birthday I got...

Here I am sitting at my family Birthday party when I feel like my left foot has gone numb. I talk myself into the fact it’s probably just because I sat on it to long while crossing my legs, or it just merely fell asleep. I go on with the night. I’m in my kitchen, I go to grab a plate of food, and I stumble a little bit. Mind you I have not had a drop of alcohol but It seems as if I’m drunk. I notice my left ear is sore and feels full. I chalk it up to the start of an ear infection. The rest of the night goes by just fine. I got to bed and I am excited to start the last year of my 30′s the next morning. 

Hooray It’s my birthday! The last year in my 30′s. My partner has taken the day off from work to spend it with me. We lay in bed talking about what we are going to do to celebrate. I decided on a little day hiking. We roll out of bed and start our morning rituals. I notice that my arms and legs feel tingly and almost like they are asleep. I mention this to my partner and we decide to just lay low. It was a cool, damp day anyways. So to the couch I go. I get a heating pad and take a muscle relaxer because in my mind i just have a pinched nerve and possibly an ear infection. Now here is where I should tell you that i’m an Emergency Medical Technician and I was coming up with any medical excuses that all of my symptoms could be. While in the background my partner is telling me I need to go to the er. I politely ignore her and go about my self diagnosis of an ear infection that is causing my balance issues and numbness. The day passes and I go to bed.

It’s 5am the next day and I get up to pee. Upon standing I realize my legs are numb and I’m completely off balance. I stumble into the bathroom and realize that maybe I should go to the walk-in, because I wouldnt be caught dead at the ER, to get my “ear infection” checked out. I go back to bed to lay down for a bit and wait for the walk-in to open. As I’m laying there I realize that I am now numb from my chest to my legs. When I grab my leg or hand It feels like it’s attached to someone else. I cant feel anything. I come up with a few good medical reasons why this is and I drive myself to the walk-in. 

I check into the walk-in and begin my wait to see the NP. They call my name and back I go to the exam room. I tell the MOA what is happening and before I know it she leaves and goes and gets the NP. She comes in the room and starts examining me. Now i’m starting to get concerned. She jabs me with a pin, pen, her fingernail, and checks my reflexes. Nothing....I feel nothing. The look on her face concerns me and I start to internally panic. The next words out of her mouth are..”i’m calling the ambulance and you need to go to the ER”. The hell you are! I’m thankful that a polite “No that’s ok i will call someone to come get me” came out instead. She throws out a few diagnosis and I just let them hang in the air not willing to hear or accept anything she’s saying. 

I call my partner to come get me and take me to the ER. Now as you can imagine she is saying over and over I told you so and you should have went yesterday. I appease her by saying you were right and yes ma’am. We arrive at the local ER and by now i’m pretty worried and I”m still hoping someone tells me I have an ear infection. By the time I arrived at the ER my left side was weaker than my right. I was kinda limping on my left leg and was pretty weak with my left hand. They throw me into a wheelchair and they whisk me into the back and into a room. The nurse is in there waiting on me, and she wastes no time putting in an IV and drawing blood. The doctor comes in not to long after I get undressed. We relive the story of the past 3 days. She tells me she concentrated in neuro during her internship. She has a great bed side manner and is a smart ass which puts me at ease. She does a few neuro checks and then draws a line with and object on my stomach. Nothing happens. She says some fancy words and then tells me I will be getting steroids and will be spending the night. I stare blankly at her. All i wanted was for someone to tell me I had an ear infection and send me on my way. Here she is telling me that something is wrong neurologically and that i’m spending the night in the hospital. I’ve never been admitted to the hospital. I surely didnt want to spend my 39th bday in the hospital. 

They would send me for a CT, 7 MRI, Lumbar puncture, and an xray. I go up to my room and wait for all the results to come back. The next day the resident walks in and tells me and my family I have Multiple Sclerosis. What?!? I have what? That cant be true. I only have an ear infection and this all is a misunderstanding. I’ve heard of MS but I have no idea what it really is. I am athletic, I was a firefighter for 12yrs, I am an EMT, I exercise, and I eat healthy. There is no way I have this disease called MS! 

I reluctantly accept the fact that maybe I do have this disease. They tell me I will be staying in the hospital for 5 days and will be given a high dose of steroids. Then I will be sent packing with a new found outlook on life and this disease called MS. 

[growingbabybear-blog]

Labour story

I figured now we are 12 days post birth its about time I tell my birth story.

On the 18th January I went for another growth scan due to reduced foetal movements. At the scan I mentioned I wasnt happy with his movements that day so once again I was sent to the maternity assessment unit. After speaking with the doctor I was admitted to the antenatal ward for overnight observation. The next morning I spoke to the midwife looking after me that day and she was lovely. We had the same name too! I aired my concerns to her and how I thought it made sense to bring the induction forward 11 days rather than wait.

So the midwife spoke to the doctors for me and he agreed to induce me there and then. I had the first pessary inserted at lunch time on the Thursday 19th. Contractions began after a few hours and before long they were every 2 minutes so the pessary was removed at 8pm. Overnight the contractions reduced and the pessary was reinserted at 4am. It didnt feel as effective. The second pessary was inserted just after midnight on the Saturday morning. The contractions suddenly intensified and the pain really kicked in.

As I was on the antenatal ward still at this point the pain relief options were limited to paracetamol and dihydrocodeine. I had tonnes of codeine and it didn’t do anything but make me drowsy. I made my fiance come to the hospital at around 6am as the pain was now unbearable. He helped me to have a bath which considering I had severe spd this was extremely difficult to do.

I spent the day, walking round, breathing through the pain and on the birth ball.

At about 5pm I was eating dinner when I felt the urge to change position and suddenly upon standing I was crippled by pain. I could only scream. The midwife quickly examined me and removed the pessary and I was far enough dilated to have my waters broken. I just had to wait to go to delivery suite.

After an hour or so we moved to the delivery suite and met the amazing midwives. I had already decided I wouldn’t begin the drip for the contractions until I had an epidural. I’d already been contracting for days and wasn’t going to suffer needlessly.

The anaesthetist was in theatre and I had to wait an hour. So I decided we would proceed with breaking the waters and then wait to start the drip.

The midwife broke my waters and pretty quickly my contractions naturally intensified. They were on top of one another and I wasn’t getting a break inbetween them. One would finish and the next would start. Nobody could explain why and the pain was unbelievable. The gas and air wasnt cutting it and I could no longer wait the hour so I asked for diamorphine. My amazing midwife got me some diamorphine almost instantly and pretty soon after that everything became a blur. I massively regret the diamorphine as my memory became very hazy for a good few hours.

I do remember I developed a fever and became very ill. I remember being very rude and mean to my fiance, mum and midwives but I was also extremely apologetic.

Shortly after I got my epidural and it was wonderful.

The pain disappeared and I sort of enjoyed being in labour but the diamorphine and the fever meant that I kept falling asleep. At 1am I was examined and had progressed to 5cm. Just 2 hours later I was overcome with the urge to push. After another internal exam they realised I was 10cm but the baby had began to turn the wrong way. Suddenly I wasn’t allowed to push and I had to wait for 2 hours before they would re-evaluate the situation. 5am (Sunday morning) came round and I wasnt very happy anymore. I was exhausted and uncomfortable. They decided I could try to push. My numb legs were put in stirrups and I did my first push but then my babys heartbeat dropped. He already had a probe on his head due to the normal ctg been awkward. The doctor was called in and she examined me and felt the babys head which made his heart rate increase. We waited a bit longer and then tried to push again. This time the doctor was leading the delivery. Again as I pushed his heartrate dropped and wouldn’t recover. Suddenly the room filled with people and the crash button had been pressed. I remember the doctor explaining we were off to theatre to attempt forceps but we were looking at a c section. At the same time I had an anaesthetist topping up the epidural and on the other side I had a doctor handing me paperwork to consent to the procedures. At the same time I had 4 midwives getting the bed back to normal and detaching me from the monitors and drips and within minutes we were rushing down to theatre. The diamorphine meant I was really calm and relaxed despite how serious this was. In theatre I had the most amazing student midwife reassuring me and my fiance whilst we waited for the neonatal doctors to arrive. After what felt like forever and 4 pushes with forceps I pushed my beautiful baby boy into the world. He took a minute or two before he began to cry. I lost a lot of blood and as a result I am now severely anaemic. I was immediately started on iron tablets. After theatre I spent 10 hours in high dependency recovery. I was stuck in the bed firstly due to the epidural but secondly because I was so ill. After 10 hours I transferred to the normal postnatal wars where we stayed until 6pm the next day before been allowed home. Two days later my little man was readmitted into hospital ontona childrens ward after becoming quite jaundiced. He spent a night having UV phototherapy which helped him reduce his bilirubin levels. Whilst in the hospital my stitches for the episiotomy were becoming increasingly sore and I began bleeding heavier so I had to go to maternity assessment unit and be assessed. My external stitches had torn apart and I now had an infection. The pain was horrendous. At least in labour I had decent pain relief. All I can take for the episiotomy infection is paracetamol and ibuprofen. Due to severe constipation and my bowels not working properly after giving birth, codeine is a no! My baby boy is doing okay now. He has good and bad days and his feeding is atrocious in that he chokes himself and I’m concerned he is aspirating. He definitely has reflux. Im confident of that. He is seeing a GP on Tuesday due to an unexplained lump on his left cheek. Nobody can tell us what it is at the moment. Whilst seeing the doctor I’m going to be persistent with my concerns about his eating. So after all the dramatic birth and the infected episiotomy which is honestly disgusting to look at and is going to take weeks at least to heal, I cannot wait to do it all again. I intend to begin ttc in a years time for baby 2. The diamorphine has distorted my memory so much I cant remember how awful it was and how bad the pain was.