#i still cannot make sense of it all
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19-020221 · 2 months ago
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i think oned is one of these things that stopped being just something and became everything for a lot of people, you know? its wasnt just a band, it was a place where you were heard and understood by people that felt the exact same as you did. as you do right now
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bunnieswithknives · 1 month ago
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Fop redesigns for funsies but also bcs I saw some star heel boots and had to put Dale in them immediately.
#No Dev in this lineup simply bcs I cannot imagine him wearing anything but his cannon outfit#he has no sense of fashion or personal identity to pull an outfit from LOL#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#dale dimmadome#fop peri#fop cosmo#fop wanda#redesigns#outfit redesign#art#digital art#fanart#Im not gonna be using Dale or Peris redesigns bcs those arent things I see them wearing regularly they were more just fun explorations#Hazel Cosmo and Wanda im def using tho#I know I didnt change Wanda much but#I have a small but insane pet peeve where I cannot stand a characters pants and shirt being the same color.#So I made Hazels sweater more purple and changed her pants to a different and darker blue#Gave cosmo a more relaxed dad vibe while keeping it a button up#Wandas mostly the same I just mostly used her human outfit and changed her sneakers to boots#Peri has less visible fairy features than his parents because hes more insistent about hiding them#Also if Peri looks uncomfortable in his outfit it is because he is ♄#I wrote like an entire paragraph about Peris relationship with gender identity and how fairy society biology/gender binary comes in conflic#and then I pussied out of posting it so now all you get is peri looking kinda uncomfy in a skirt#The long story short of it tho is that Peri identifies as the human version of male#while the closest he can get to that in fairy society is kind of transfem#So dressing like that around other fairies is closer to making him feel himself but still not entirely right
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mrmeepsmadmind · 6 days ago
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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ruporas · 2 years ago
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special operatives (silly interaction beneath read more)
[ID: Digital Art in color of Trigun Maximum, characters included are Wolfwood, Elendira, and Legato in a casual meeting situation. The piece consists of orangey yellow lighting and purple shadows. Wolfwood sits on the left side, facing Elendira who’s on the right. He’s seated on a plain wooden chair with one knee up and he’s holding the strap to his Punisher in his left hand while his right sits against his thigh, He has an irritated expression as he speaks to Elendira. Elendira is sitting in a fancier seat, her right arm rests against Wolfwood’s propped up knee, her left hand holds her suitcase. She’s sitting cross legged with an amused expression. Legato can be seen in the back at the center of the image in his mobile body case, one of his eyes shown to be glaring at Wolfwood. End ID]
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[ID: Sketch, uncolored comic. Elendira says to Wolfwood, “I’m not telling you to dedicate yourself to him, but just accept the situation at hand. We could get along better if we were on the same page.” Wolfwood responds, “Don’t peg me me for an optimist. I’m not dumb. But, I’m also not going to just live in resignation. Plus, I don’t have any interest in getting along with ya.” Elendira coos, “Aw, you sure? I have a wonderful shoulder to cry on when the weak people you’re trying to protect eventually dies in the coming months. Though, I guess it’s fine. Someone like you might just die before then anyway...” She snickers in her hand while Wolfwood is speechless and just glares. Legato is faintly drawn in the back, glaring at Wolfwood, muttering “worthless” repetitively. End ID]
#trigun#trigun maximum#nicholas d wolfwood#elendira the crimsonnail#legato bluesummers#YES they were together in scene canonically for only 1 Measly chapter. Yes legato dipped like 2 seconds later but listen#trigun has such a fun cast and such a vague sense of time that i love to just throw in whatever Chances of the gung hos meeting outside of#canonic time... i mentioned before but i do think ww just runs into them on occasion from town to town#this illust would have to take place after the remembrance of july though ofc since that was when ww first saw elendira... which is still#the funniest ww ever bc he was so Shocked. LIKE AGHAST... BC IT WAS ELENDIRA THE CRIMSONAIL. he was starstruckk it was so cute#elendira of all people deserve that kind of reaction though im glad that they hyped it up with ww of all people. bc its like wow even ww is#kind of intimidated! even though he gained his grips like 5 seconds later to talk back to her. which is why i think theyd have a funny#dynamic. and legato is just there. he does not care about them but he also hates them and it's fun to think about how that'd extend to#wolfwood after knives specifically left the gung hos up to him and then explicitly didnt say shit after giving ww a special little mission#it also is just like. legato is pretty passive in trimax until someone is actively betraying knives or when its vash#and ww also does not give a shit about legato bc he also is like. vaguely aware he'd lose in a fight. so all i make them do is stare at each#other passive aggressively. TRISTAMP on the otherhand is ridiculously insane for making legato genuinely hold enough aggression towards ww#to literally activate his character arc in the season sgmkdsgm cannot wait for final phase where legato not only deeply detest vash but also#bears a similar aggression towards ww. actually im not sure whether i should be Excited for that or not but it would be an interesting#ruporas art
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sunnydayaoe · 8 days ago
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hi i'm the anon that asked about npd mind and i am So Excited for the comic :D just wanted to say that
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Sorry I lost motivation pretty intensely halfway though... I hope you still like this haha
Erm put a lot in tags if you want more... actual thoughts on mind instead of tiny bite sized 1-2 panels
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luck-of-the-drawings · 9 months ago
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so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi prime defenders spoilers#jrwi pd spoilers#jrwi pd#william wisp#vyncent sol#THIS ONE IS FUUUUCKIN OOOOOLLDD RAAAHHHHH i made it like. a year ago. but didnt finish it for so so long bc i just wasnt happy w it.#BUT LIKE A CENTURY EGG the decades of being encased in salt n lime n ash have done WELL to bring out the flavores of this piece#i sorta recently cleaned it up and posted it onto twitty. didnt tag it bc it was SO OLD AND SCUFFED(i see so many MISTAKES NOW)#that i didnt want to expose it to the open air just like that#if i show smth to my small circles then it shall only be understood in those small circles.#open air and open interpretation from minds i cannot predict are NOT something i enjoy the thought of. usually. i am brave tho#BUT EVERYONE ON TWITTY WAS SO NICEEE i was like damn... i guess it IS good enough to be enjoyed by the masses...#lets work on being nicer to our art together. THAT BEING SAID. i really love my colors here HELL YEAHHHH#FIRST TIME IN A WHILE COLORIN THESE BOYS.... i dont use proper color enough..I ALSO RLY LIKE MY BACKGROUNDS HERE#i LOVE when the bg is hyperrealistic (i frankestiened stock photos) and when the subjects are all flat colored n cartoony#recently rewatched Making Fiends and they do that similar thing!! soft shading! lotsa details! almost painted? ill paint one day#ive already rambled so much abt the art im runnin out of ROOm to ramble about WWWIILLIAM GODDAMN WWIIIISP. its been a minute since i saw-#-this episode..but i DO remember the funny smoke trick that will did to his funny brother. EVERYTIME U GIVE AN ORDER. THAT BRINGS HARM-#-INDIRECTLY OR NOT. YOU WILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS. YOU WILL FEEL THAT PAIN. OHHH WHAT A COOL PUNISHMENT THAT IS#its still an olive branch in a sense! a final chance for big bro bell to show that hes NOT an irrideemable piece o shit. and if not#well. to the wolves of psychosis with him!!! i really think william did the best he could here. if i was in his shoes i have no doubt i-#-woulda done the same. IM ALSO GLAD THAT VYN DECIDED TO STICK AROUND N SUPPORT HIM! thas character development baybe!!#i loooove prime defenders.. its been so long since i watched any eps of it but i KNOW it still has such a grip on my heart..GOTTA rewatch i
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thebabygirlenthusiast · 4 months ago
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I swear to god the biggest sin of re village is that they somehow DIDNT MAKE CHRIS A WEREWOLF. HES LITERALLY ON THE COVER ART OF THE GAME HEADSHOT W A LYCAN/WEREWOLF. IM STILL SO PISSED CAPCOM
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like are you fucking serious
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ganondoodle · 11 months ago
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you know when you have an idea for a drawing and it just wont let you rest until you at least sketched it?
... yeah
....
demise and hylia (humanoid forms) sleepy cuddles o((>ω< ))o
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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If I'm honest, the whole "love in every stitch" saying for fiber artists does not apply to me, like. I'm trying to get this fucking hook into stubborn yarn and I'll be stabbing it like it owed me money. Is that love because I hope not 😭💀
#art#crochet#honestly the closest thing i feel to love when crocheting is this feeling that this is bigger than me if that makes sense...#...i think it'sthe feeling of knowing how old the craft itself is and knowing that millions of people have done the same as you...#...millions of people have stabbed their crochet hook into the yarn because it's stubborn but so are you...#...millions of people in the past have sat and devoted their time and effort into all of this...#...millions of people have passed on this knowledge and kept this thing alive...#...and it's the feeling of knowing that humans across millenia aren't THAT different#to our core we are more or less similar - across the ages across the colours across everything. that really comforts and humbles me#have you looked up ancient textiles? because that also sparks these emotions in me#it makes me think about the tupes of people to make the textile but also about who wore it#and so many of them are still beautiful and colourful and it shows you SO MUCH about the people who made them#even the ones that are tattered and faded and stripped of colour still feel beautiful...#...because it has SURVIVED. it is evidence of a people who made it and a people who had technical skills#and THIS is why i HATE HATE HATE the idea that ancient people were just 'dumb' and 'uneducated'#that is so unfair to them and cruel and just. wrong. (and often it reeks of white supremacy)#i'm sorry i rant and rave about this so much but i canNOT be normal about this. i can't be normal about humanity#i am learning to love humanity and learn about us and learn everything and it'll never be enough - i will never know enough#i will never know everything about everybody and it will be the death of me#okay the only thing i liked about the greatest showman movie was Never Enough because that is me thinking about all this
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mariatesstruther · 4 months ago
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okay but a version of events in which tommy takes ellie to the fireflies, but NEITHER of them come back. and maria joel have to work together to get them back
#maria and joel best friend agenda#has someone already done this (in a way that actually characterizes maria as an actual person w a plot lmfao)#pissed off maria and regretful af grumpy joel having to team up#joel at first being like i canNOT let you come with me youre pregnant#maria: and who the fuck are you to tell me what to do#joel: okay ur coming i guess#him doing anything and everything to make the trip as easy and safe as possible for her#runs on like four hours of sleep every night so she only has to take one watch and gives her 70% of their food#at first maria is sooooooo not having it like#sure you care about me and my baby who you asked your brother to LEAVE for yOUR SELFISH SHORTSIGHTED ASS#but then one night hes telling her a story about ellie and then she tells a story about kevin and he tells a story about sarah#and she can see how much he loves not just his late baby girl but his living one too#and in that moment she just kind of gets it#tommy told her this part of joel was long dead#the part that was soft and loving and good#but he was wrong#he was so wrong#and all maria needed was to see that for herself#and then they team up and break into davids camp and take care of business#tommy and ellie are probably there that makes sense#and then ellie is like we still have to finish this we’re going to the fireflies#maria: um haha ur funny no we’re not#ellie: i—#maria to tommy and joel: no we’re not everybody pack it up#we’re going HOME#joel and tommy: yes ma’am#maria miller#joel miller#au#i had a dream abt this last night couldnt at least do a tag story on it
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biohazard-inevitable · 4 months ago
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WELL- i just officially got ALL THE WAY caught up to one piece!!!!
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Which- first of all- NEVER THOUGHT ID BE ABLE TO DO
Also- HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK
i know i say that about a LOT of one piece reveals BUT THE 5 ELDERS AND VEGAPUNKS MESSAGE AND THE WORLD IS SINKING AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT USED TO ALL BE ONE CONTINENT (also yayyyy elbaph!! :D)
BUT IM STILL SO STUNNED?!?
ALSO NIKA BONNEY!!!!!!!!!! NIKA. BONNEY!!!!!!!!!!!
there is just so much to process here
.
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timetravellingkitty · 1 year ago
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peeks out cause it's safe now you guys were really weird about Depp v Heard
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vivitalks · 7 months ago
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i JUST realized that the reason deputy dewey comes back as a ghost isn't because aubrey's magic goes wrong. it's because he died in the company of aubrey, who is sylvain, and that's what happens when someone perishes in the presence of sylvain's light. it wasn't aubrey's magic going wrong, it was sylvain's magic going exactly right.
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whumble-beeee · 8 months ago
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The Name of The Game
The (Un)Official Guide to Hero-Keeping | Cont'd from Part 8
Content: mentioned past attempted noncon, hysterical whumpee/nervous breakdown (seriously yall, it gets bad), disabled whumpee, trans whumpee, tied up/handcuffs, noncon unshirtening, past captivity references
* * * * * * * *
Excerpt from: The (Un)Official Guide to Hero-Keeping; a self-help guide for villains and bounty-hunters
[While following this guide, as well as generally while playing the wonderful game that is villainy, you will find that the advice can rarely be fitted to every specific scenario. But one piece of advice is universal: If you value your freedom, your loved ones, and your life, you must never reveal your secret identity to your captured hero. As soon as you do, there is no more facade. Villainy is no longer a game. It is your life. And heroes will not hesitate to destroy your life if it means they can win the game. 
If a hero (or ANY untrusted party) ever happens upon your secret identity, it is your responsibility, as a villain and as a human being, to accept the end of your life as you know it

Or to ensure that the hero can never tell another living soul.]
* * * * * * * *
“See you soon?” Deeby repeated Sweater-vest’s last words incredulously. “See you soon?! Christ, and you know he knows– god, he just needs to stop being such un pendejo and shut the hell up, stop making everything about his goddamn god complex and shoving it en las caras de todos–”
The sudden anger from the usually cool and smug Deeby did not help the apparent panic attack seeping ever so quickly into Stan’s consciousness, especially with said seething bounty hunter circling around the room like an angry shark as he muttered to himself and gesticulated wildly. 
Stan cowered to hide his shirtlessness from said angry shark. His chest and limbs started to buzz from all the excess oxygen entering his system as he took in heavy breaths, his head spinning, dizzy, hurting, every muscle clenching.
“--y quiĂ©n se cree ese cabrĂłn para venir a joderme MI TRABAJO?” 
He was so angry. So loud, talking so fast, and what the hell was he even saying?! It was too much, too much.
 “Y la puta Lana no puede ni aparecer para decirme que me estĂĄ jodiendo la vida OTRA VEZ porque es lo Ășnico que le encanta hacer, joderme TODO lo que–”
Stop it stop it stay calm stay calm please not now please please please not now you can’t show weakness like this in front of your kidnapper you can’t stop it STOP IT–
He took in an involuntary loud heaving breath. Then fell into a stuttering slew of smaller breaths as he tried to keep quiet, and Deeby finally took notice of the state of his captive. 
Stan squeaked and pulled the jacket around himself tighter. He was small, he was silent, he was invisible. 
Then he gasped in another desperate heaving breath with an involuntary cry of panic when he suddenly ran out of air. He’d stopped breathing entirely with all his efforts.
“Stan? Quïżœïżœ es–... Ah, you good?”
Stan nodded quickly, shaking. “F-fine, fine.”
Deeby raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t lie to me. What is this, you having a panic attack?”
He couldn’t get his eyes to focus, but he shook his head fervently. Then reeled as it made the dizziness and headache so much worse.
“Stan, talk to me, chiquito. If he actually did something to you, tell me. I need a good reason to kill him, you’d be helping me out a lot.”
He didn't actually even hurt me, did he? 
“No–! I-I u-uh-uh yes-s-s, but– but–” 
I don't WANT to ‘help you out’! I don't want to talk about it! ESPECIALLY not with you. 
He let out a whine and failed to swallow the giant knot forming in his throat.
“Alright, is this about the shirt then? Or the uh, the chest thing? Is that why you went from colonizer white to ghost white when you thought I was gonna make you strip earlier?” He walked over to the tattered shirt and scooped it up. “Because if that's what got you, I can assure you I don’t give a single crap what you’ve–... got in your...”
Deeby trailed off as he held up the grey strips of fabric that used to be Stan's button-down. 
And just stared.
Stan gawked at the unrecognizable shredded fabric hanging in the bounty hunter's hands. His breath caught in his throat. He hadn't realized how utterly destroyed his beloved shirt was. What was he supposed to wear now?
“That
 Motherfucker
” Deeby muttered, almost as as aghast as Stan. “Christ, I knew he'd pull some grade-A bullshit, but this–”
“Y-you KNEW?!” Stan gasped out, surprising himself with the volume of his outburst. “You– You knew he was gonna– gonna try to...”
Deeby didn't look up from the tatters in his hands. “Yeah. He's predictable, if nothing else.”
Stan's entire body felt like it was full of angry bees. “You–... You left me-e alone with ‘im. On pu-urpose.”
“And everything turned out fine, you're fine. Look runt, we need to have a little talk about what–”
“NO!” Stan cried, ignoring the drop in his stomach when Deeby's eyes took on a slight challenging glint at the interruption. “No, don’t change the subject! You left me alone with him! You knew he was gonna try to– to rape me and you left me alone with him! Handcuffed, chained to the floor, powerless, immobile, beat up to hell and– a-and unable to defend myself and you-you left me alone with him!”
The floodgates were opening. The stifling sense of justice suffocating Stan from the inside out wouldn’t let the injustices go unsaid any longer, crashing through his body and just about ready to make him burst. Ironic, given the everything.
Deeby’s jaw set. “Stan. I wouldn’t have left that shit-for-brains alone with anyone if I didn’t have to.”
“Oh, but you– you had to?” Stan taunted, hoping the sarcasm came through in his voice even with the stuttering and heaving breaths. “What, Dee-deeby the great bounty hunter actually answers to someone? Enough to put the uh, the bounty in danger? Or are you just scared of him, wanted to get away?!” 
Deeby snorted.
“Hell yeah, I'll do whatever if the buyer asks it,” he proclaimed. "And I'm not scared of that human cringe-fail. The day I'm scared of him is the day I'm dragged away screaming and turned into
 well, you, basically. But I mean, that's when he's actually dangerous
" 
He seemed to think on it for a moment. Then crouched down in front of Stan, smug grin replaced with something like the look a friend gives when they think you're about to ruin your life with a single dumb decision.
“Honesty, bud
 I wouldn't be so tough around a guy like that if I were a guy like you. Best to just fuel his ego.”
Stan physically recoiled. “Don't tell me what–! Who-wh–
”
That insult sounded way too genuine. Since when was the mercenary genuine?
“Wait, wait, you'd
” Stan shook his head, trying to untangle his thoughts from the spaghetti of his mind. This concussion was killing him. He could barely think. “If you were
 Who even was th-that?”
Another chuckle. “What, Tweedy? That was Vaughn. He said that earlier, though I applaud your ability to block him out. Wish I could do that.”
Then again, the hunter was most likely just trying to psych him out. Get him to behave again. Stan wouldn't fall for something like that.
“No, idiot, I mean–... I meant who is he? Why is he going to-to see me soon?
 And– and for that matter, are you working together? Because it seems like you hate each other.”
Deeby let out a huff of air. “Look, bud, we need to talk about that phone call I had to take, the boss–”
“You're avoiding the question.”
“Well frankly, there's more important things to talk about,” Deeby dismissed quickly. “So I was talking with the boss-lady on the phone while you were–”
“I don’t care about what that Lana person has to say!” Stan said, slamming his hands on the floor for effect, a breath-stealing pang running through his ribs at the jostling. “Jus– Just tell me who you guys are, tell me why I’m here, tell me why I should be scared of ‘a guy like that’! Who ARE you?!”
Deeby narrowed his eyes slightly. “We need to talk about what's going to happen to you next. And you're gonna listen to that. Not yell demands at me like some asshole 6-year-old, because you already know I don't deal with all that ‘who am I, secret identity’ crap, so you're not getting those answers.”
Well actually, judging by the horrible sticky weight that slammed Stan in the gut when Deeby said that, he didn't want to know what horrors awaited him next. So next best thing? Keep being an asshole 6-year-old.
“Why?”
“Anonymity is the most valuable tool you can have in this game.” Deeby recited it like a script, exaggerating a monotone boredom. “Also I'm not an idiot, it's protocol that's saved me before, it helps me do my job without getting invested
 take your pick.”
“You're not even wearing your mask any more!” Stan cried. “So much for secret identity!”
“I think what you're meaning to say is ‘thank you for rushing to save my damsel-in-distress ass from some twink with scissors when you heard me screaming for help even though you were dealing with a really important phone call from the worst person ever’. And you're very welcome. Now we need to talk about what I found out in that dumbass phone call and what it means for you.”
He always had an answer for everything, huh? Always another quip.
Stan's blood started to boil, and he may have actually, genuinely growled a little. 
“S-so-so so what, you are scared of her, then? You're scared of her and that's why you left me with that monster?!” He tried, spitting back as much smug asshole-ness as Deeby had been throwing at him. “Is that why you hate them, you’re just their damn lackey doing whatever they tell you to do?! Just a puppet for them to guide around, running around capturing supers and serving them up on a silver platter like a good little servant?!”
Deeby stared at him, genuinely stunned by the sudden venom in the captive's words. His fists clenched by his side.
 Hm. Stan may have gone too far.
“Look, McKellen,” Deeby spat as he took an authoritative step forward, voice slow, low and dark. “There are things at play here that you can’t know about–”
“Why not?!” Stan felt like he was losing it, voice creaky and high and hoarse. “Obviously I’m gonna be trapped here with you assholes for the rest of my short life until you kill me with some new form of torture experiment bullshit! Why not tell me everything?! Why not do whatever you want with me?! Just tell me! Please!!”
Stan glared desperately at the bounty hunter. He knew he wasn’t even just crossing the line at this point; he was sprinting over the line and stomping on it repeatedly in a panic-fueled frenzy, kicking at it and letting out his full fury as if the line itself had done this to him, as if absolutely decimating the line would somehow fix everything.
Way deep down, almost too far down to admit to himself, he almost hoped the mercenary would see through the insults and the fighting to see the pleading, hurt, scared man underneath. And then take pity. Just let him have this one thing, before he broke entirely.
But the bounty hunter glared right back at him.
“No.” He stated venomously. “Right now, you're going to shut up. And listen.”
As if Stan would ever listen to the orders of his kidnapper. Of a villain.
A small laugh, just a little chuckle, took root his chest. A disbelieving smile cracked across his face.
The absence of the signature unbothered grin, the absence of the mask, the deathly seriousness? Not to mention the gun, the knives, the chains, the handcuffs, the power suppressing collar, no cane or crutch or any viable mobility aid in sight, and beaten so hard multiple times that he probably couldn't run properly anyway even if he did have a knee that actually worked

This really was hopeless, wasn't it? 
He could rage against the dying of the light all he wanted. Scream and shout and cry and fight and say witty things to hide the excruciating, never-ending pain. 
But the light would still die all the same.
He clutched Deeby's very own stupid cowboy-ass jacket around his shoulders. He couldn't even defend himself from getting his shirt ripped to shreds right off his body!
And this bitch–
“You– you don't think
” he had to pause to let out a barrage of inappropriate giggles, then shoved up shakily to his feet, back braced against the wall. “You don't still think I'm gonna– that, that I'm gonna escape, do you?!”
Deeby gave pause, eyeing Stan up and down. Really thinking about it. He took a deep breath. A low grumble emanated from the base of his throat.
“No. I don't.”
Stan laughed out again, full force this time. Desperate. Tearful.
“Then just–... just TELL ME!! IT DOESN'T MATTER!! IT DOESN'T!! IT'LL DIE WITH ME!!”
The mercenary's mouth pressed into a thin line. Was that confusion etched into his features? Or worry? Maybe anger

“It does matter,” He growled through gritted teeth. “It's probably the most important thing you could know, who I am. Who we are.”
Stan let out a loud cry of anguish, screeching out every single frustration at the unfairness of the world, at this situation, at Deeby and Vaughn and whoever Lana was, at the collar and the chains and the cut and bruises and broken bones and his broken, useless knee into a single, guttural sound. 
“WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME ANYTIN-GAH-AH!!”
Very, very suddenly, the lapels of Deeby's loosely draped jacket tightened around his body and slammed him back into the wall, the fleece-lined collar of the jacket twisting and pulling on the power-suppressing strap clamped around his neck, contracting it, choking him just as the slam forced all the breath out of his lungs. 
Stan clawed back against the force, only managing to grasp at Deeby’s forearms uselessly as they twisted the jacket ever tighter around him. Pinning his arms. Trapping him. He had to heave in and out gasping breaths just to get enough air to breath through his half obstructed airways.
“Look at me, chiquito,” the bounty hunter snarled. “Look me in the eye!”
Stan's panicked eyes paused their sporadic dance around the room. They locked dead onto the mercenary's fiery gaze.
“Did you break your damn brain in the 3 minutes I was gone?” Deeby hissed into his ear. Stan almost screeched in terror. “I don't know what sort of fuckery your mind has been conjuring up that you can't get this very simple concept without going insane,” he jolted Stan and dragged out an involuntary whimper from his throat. 
“But whatever it is, shut it down. Now. I'm gonna tell you the bare minimum of what you need to know, and you're gonna sit there and listen or else I won't tell you jack shit and knock you unconscious so I don't have to deal with your bullshit. Agreed?!” 
“I– Ah, a-ah, I– No, I- I, no-no no No-o–”
He couldn't get his thoughts to line up properly. They swarmed around his head like locusts in a dust bowl, bouncing into each other, frenzied, an indecipherable cloud of fear and frustration that his horrible attempt at defiance, futile as it may have been, always just made everything worse.
He could never stop himself.
Angry tears rimmed at Stan's eyes. His body hurt. His brain pounded in his skull. His ribs cried out in protest as they pressed into the wall. The various bruises and their dull, throbbing aches, the cuts and bleeding wounds and their sharp, searing screeches, the sticky and caked on dried blood, so familiar now it was almost a second skin, Deeby's weight pinning him to the wall, so similar and yet so different to the way Vaughn had done the same.
No. No, no, no, no.
He squeezed his eyes shut, tears finally falling in hot, fat drops down his cheeks. The bounty hunter was so close, too close. Stan tried to pull away, and he just leaned on him harder, their faces barely inches apart.
“Agreed, chiquito?” The voice rumbled through his entire body, sending shivers up and down his spine.
No no no no no no no he needed to get away, get away now, please please that's all he needed he couldn't get away he couldn't even move his arms he could barely breathe–
“WHY DON'T YOU JUST RAPE ME ALREADY?!” Stan screamed into the endless cacophonous void.
And silence.
And the entire world went still.
Deeby’s mouth fell literally agape.
His grip on Stan loosened considerably. Not out of pity or any other considerate emotion. Just shock.
At least Stan could finally breathe again. Not that he took a single breath in the silence.
“I–...” Deeby finally choked out. “I-I beg you finest fucking what?!”
“Just fucking do it,” Stan hissed, gasping. “We both know you could. I couldn't even stop Vaughn, you think I could stop you?!”
The words spewed out of his mouth faster than he could stop them, like a volcano that had finally exploded its top off in a fiery glory. And the way Deeby looked at him, as if his features were having an all out war over shock, horror, or honestly very justified anger? Oh, that did nothing but fan the flames of Stan's sorrow-filed hysteria.
“Tall ass muscle-bound freak with an actual gun that captured me and beat me up again and again then left me to die?! I don't even know who you are! You can do whatever you want and I can't do jack shit to stop you! Just do it, hurt me, rape me, it doesn't matter! Vaughn knew that, you can too!” Stan attempted to shove the bounty hunter off, but he still didn't move. 
“Please, please, I'm begging you, is that what you want?! I'll get on my knees!”
Stan collapsed against Deeby's hold, and to his surprise, Deeby finally let him. Well, not ‘let him,’ more like ‘recoiled and jumped back when he felt Stan collapsing in his grasp'. 
All the same.
“Chiquito,” Deeby rasped. “I'm– not exactly sure what or why you're demanding, but I'm not going to–”
“Why not?! It doesn't matter!” Stan assured, holding his arms out to fully present himself now, shedding the jacket onto the floor behind him and taking a daring scoot forward. “I bet you just kicked Vaughn out because you wanted me all to yourself! I bet you just love seeing me scared and helpless and half naked in your stupid fucking yee-yee jacket–”
“Alright, Stan, enough!”
“AT LEAST VAUGHN had the decency to not pretend like he was a decent fucking person like you!” Stan yelled. “We both know you're not above it, fucking professional kidnapper and torturer! So just do it! Like Vaughn wanted to, like he tried to! Finish what he started, you have me all to yourself now! DO IT! DO IT I DARE–”
“The name's Declan.”
The statement was a whisper in the storm. Stan almost missed it. But the resolute certainty of the southern twang stopped him dead in his tracks.
“What–
 What did you just–?”
It was astounding how quickly his voice had turned meek from the cacophony of chaos mere seconds before. Dark freckles stood out against an even starker white face than usual.
“It's Declan,” the mercenary stated once more. “My name. My name’s Declan. You wanted t’know who we are, who I am? Fine then, I'm Declan. Want the last name too?”
“I– wait–!”
“It's Cansano. Declan Cansano.”
Stan was shaking, a million thoughts crashing down upon him like a tidal wave. If he weren't already on his knees, surely he would have collapsed. 
He hadn't actually
 meant any of that. No. Had he? No. He couldn't have. He didn't want to know who the mercenary was. No, he didn't. He didn't, not really! He would never want that! Never!
“That’s not
 Wh-why would you
?”
The bounty hunter shrugged. “You wanted to know who I am. You asked, you screamed, you insulted me and you went fuckin’ nuts over it.” His thunder-filled eyes betrayed his completely relaxed demeanor. “Declan Cansano. Don't forget‘t.”
“I just– That's not what– Wait, Deeby, you– Where are you going?!”
Deeby was already halfway to the door when he swiftly spun around, fists clenched and any trace of the easy demeanor vanished in those bright blood-stained eyes. 
“I can't fuckin’ deal with you right now!”
Stan nearly launched himself back in fear, right back onto Deeby's stupid, soft jacket. He grasped it up as a barrier between him and the mercenary without even thinking. The mercenary's demeanor relaxed from absolutely terrifying to merely extremely angry at the sorry sight.
“I'm leaving for a bit.” He whipped around and grasped for the lapels of his jacket to yank it on, only for his grasp to come up empty. He whipped around a third time. “And I'll be expectin’ my coat back when I get back! You better've calmed the hell down by then, if you know what’s good for you.”
Wait, wait, he was leaving? No!
Stan tried to scramble after Deeby, but immediately fell to the agony of his knee and the length of his leash. 
“Don't go, please!” he pleaded.
Deeby didn’t stop. “Why?”
What if you come back with more torture tools? 
What if you don't come back at all? 
I still have more questions for you. 
You can't just leave me here, I'm hurt! 
I shouldn't be alone right now. I can't. I'm scared of what will happen, I'm going insane.
Even you are better than no one at all.
“What– what if Vaughn comes back?!”
Deeby scoffed. “I'm not going that far, damn. Eat some protein bars while I'm gone so you don't die, should help with the insanity. Back soon.”
And the door to the room closed shut behind him, the click echoing off the walls in the sudden unbearable silence. 
Stan collapsed to the floor, defeated.
He clutched the jacket closer. 
Pulled it tight around his shoulders, fingernails leaving small crescent-shaped indents on the well-worn hide. The cotton lining was so surprisingly soft against his skin. Hell, he could smell the dirt and musk that permeated the jacket from years of use, the smal signs that this jacket had seen the capture of dozens of supers.
Declan.
Declan Cansano.
Professional Superhero-Hunter.
Stan screamed into the endless abyss around him.
And this time, Declan didn’t come back to save him.
* * * * * * * *
Next
Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy | @pirefyrelight | @cakeinthevoid | @painsandconfusion | @books-are-everything | @paperprinxe | @lovethiswriting
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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solei-eclipse · 3 months ago
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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