#i stayed up past 3 am reading fic last night

[storybookprincess]

are you satisfied with an average life?

listen here

[imaginespazzi]

Part 7: In All My Victories

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13

Somebody said you got a new friend (But does she love you better than I can?)

(In which a writer in an EST timezone uses the PST timezone to announce that technically she's still meeting the deadline)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Fluff, Jealousy

Words: 6.5K

TW: Swearing, Toxic Relationships

A/N: Hello my lovelies! Listen it's past midnight here but it's only around 9 pm in California which is where most of this fic is set so TECHNICALLY I am still meeting my deadline. This chapter is kind of a filler (and I guess that's why I don't love it) because it was gonna be about ~3K longer with another scene but it was either a longer chapter or a Monday chapter and I feel like y'all would prefer a Monday chapter. I have not edited this yet because I simply just don't have the energy to so pretty please point out my errors as you read so I can use them when I edit some time tomorrow. There's probably other stuff I need to say but I'm feeling oddly delirious right now so I'll just end with the usual. Let me know what you liked, what you disliked and what you'd like to see next. Have a lovely rest of your week my loves <3

March 2033

Paige wakes up to a stream of sunlight tapping at her eyelids and someone’s soft breath tickling against her nose. She can feel a tiny hand pressed against her chest -right above her heart- and the weight of another person’s fingers intertwined against her own. The room is silent with the exception of the clock ticking on the wall and the perfectly harmonized breathing of the other people in the room. Stephie and Azzi. And Paige is scared to open her eyes, scared to move even an inch, scared that if she does either of those things, her dreamlike reality will prove to be nothing but a hopeless mirage. 

It had taken Paige a moment last night to really register what was happening around her. Dazedly, she had followed Azzi up the stairs into the guest room. She’d watched, albeit unhelpfully, as Azzi had searched out extra pillows, setting up the queen-sized bed so it could fit three people instead of it’s regular duo. It hadn’t sunk in even as Paige had slowly gotten herself ready for bed, finding herself in one of Azzi’s old oversized t-shirts suddenly overwhelmed with how much she’d missed falling asleep embraced in the scent of the younger woman’s favorite lavender and eucalyptus deodorant. Even as she’d made her way back from the bathroom and found Stephie beaming at her from where she was curled into Azzi’s side on bed, Paige still felt like she was simply just watching everything from a facetime call, like she had been while back in Dallas. It wasn’t until Stephie’s bedtime story was finished and the lights were turned off, when Azzi’s hand finally captured hers underneath the comforter and squeezed gently, that it finally clicked for Paige. 

Azzi had asked her to stay over.

Azzi had promised she wouldn’t run away. 

And as Paige finally lets eyes flutter open, blinking to adjust to the light, she breathes out a sigh of relief at the sight of a promise kept. 

Propping herself onto her elbow, she lets herself take in the view of the two people still sound asleep next to her. Paige isn’t a morning person by any means -rarely is she the first person to wake up- but she thinks if this was what she could open her eyes to every time, getting up could become her favorite part of the day. 

It’s uncanny how similar Azzi and Stephie are while sleeping. The little girl’s grip on Paige’s shirt is almost as strong as the tight hold her mother has on Paige’s hand. It’s like they’re trying to reel Paige into their world and keep her there forever, like even if she let go, they wouldn’t let her. There’s an air of contentedness on Azzi’s face as she snuggles closer to her daughter and Stephie has a soft smile at being cocooned in the protection of her mother’s arms. And Paige’s whole body aches a little bit because this bed they’re on is definitely not made for three people, but it’s nothing in comparison to the way her heart feels like it might burst from this feeling of and maybe this is how i become whole again. 

She presses a kiss against Stephie’s forehead and rubs her thumb against the back of Azzi’s hand before carefully detaching herself from the duo and slipping out of bed. The whole house is still clearly asleep as Paige lethargically brushes and then begins to make her way down the stairs. Her eyes gloss over the pictures placed across the stairwell until they fixate on one that has her in it. It’s an image taken after one of many water fights they’d had at the Fudd household during a hot summer day. Life had been so simple back then when it was water and not bullets that they shot at each other. 

Five drenched children are beaming at the camera. Jon and José are posed in some ridiculous stance, their water guns pointed at the camera. Paige, par for the course, is flexing, a far too cocky smirk dancing on her lips because she’d probably won the game (even if nobody else agreed). And then there’s Drew and Azzi. There’s a familiar pang in Paige’s chest as she brushes her fingers over her little brother’s exuberant smile. He’s latched onto the brunette’s back, a blue water balloon in his hand, as Azzi uses one hand on his hip to keep Drew in place and uses her other one to hold a pink water balloon of her own. The Fudds -Azzi- had been as big of a constant in Drew’s life as they had been in Paige’s and she wonders now, as she thinks back to her little brother’s irritation with her joining the Valkyries, if he’d ever forgive her and Azzi for taking that away from him. 

“Oh hey good morning,” Tallulah says as Paige lets herself into the kitchen, blanching slightly at the sight of the other woman. 

“Good morning,” Paige greets, pouring herself a glass of water as she takes a seat at the island, “guessing you’re making pancakes?”

Tallulah nods with a grin, “Stephie’s orders you know.”

“Ah of course,” Paige laughs, “can’t defy the queen.”

She watches as Tallulah prances around the hardwood floor, grabbing bowls and ingredients, like it’s her kitchen and Paige can’t help the twinge of envy that blooms in her bloodstream. It used to be her. She used to know the Fudd’s kitchen -the whole house- like the back of her hand because really, like Katie always said, it was her home too. But she doesn’t quite know this place, couldn’t tell you where to find the sugar or where the utensils were kept and that stings more than she’d expected. It spirals Paige into the thought that she wouldn’t know any of those things at Azzi’s own house either. And suddenly she’s struck by the reminder that two people who’d once promised to build a world together, had spent the last couple of years, building two separate ones instead. 

“Hey,” Tallulah breaks Paige out of her trance, “you good.”

Paige musters up a smile, “yeah- yeah of course. Just- just thinking a lotta things I guess.”

“They’ve all missed you, you know,” Tallulah says softly, “they try not to do it too much around Azzi but it’s always ‘oh Paige would’ve loved this’ or ‘did you catch that bucket Paige made last night’. And whenever the Wings were playing here, it was a no-brainer that they would go.”

“Yeah?” tears prickle against the blonde’s waterline. 

“Yeah,” Tallulah confirms, “Tim lowkey lost his mind before you got here last night. Poor man was running all over the place making sure things were good. Katie thought it was pretty hilarious.”

Paige lets out a watery laugh, “that sounds like them-”

“Miss Buecks,” a tiny voice interrupts her before she can say anything and Paige whirls around to see a teary-eyed Stephie looking at her from the last step of the staircase, her bottom lip trembling and panic courses into Paige’s bloodstream

“Stephie,” she practically trips over herself as she rushes to fold the little girl into her arms, “sweetheart what’s wrong?”

Stephie nestles herself into the blonde’s neck, mumbling something incoherent as she holds Paige impossibly tight. 

“Stephie,” Paige whispers frantically, concern dripping from her voice, “tell Miss Buecks what’s wrong please. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me sweetheart.”

“Thought you left,” Stephie confesses finally, keeping her head burrowed against Paige’s shoulder, “you weren’t next to me when I woke up. Got scared.”

“Oh honey,” Paige whispers, as she gently coaxes the little girl’s head out from the crook of her neck so she can cup her face, “I’m right here. I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

Stephie’s quiet for a second, hiccoughing to herself as she searches for something on Paige’s face before she holds out a pinky, “promise you’ll never leave?” 

Paige hesitates, the words sitting heavy on the tip of her tongue. It’s not that she doesn’t want to but Paige has learned first-hand about the fragility of the future, about how true the cliché about time changing in the blink of an eye can be. Because the truth is that it’s not just Azzi who’s scared. Paige is terrified. She’d drowned in this ocean once before and as she tries to swim in it again, she can’t quite find it in herself to shed her life-jacket by making an oath that she can’t guarantee to protect from the dangerous tides of circumstance.

And so she hopes it’s enough for Stephie as she caresses the little girl’s cheeks and says, “I promise I’ll try to stay.”

“Okay,” Stephie says softly and Paige lets out a sigh of relief, “I trust you Miss Buecks.”

Paige smiles, giving the little girl a kiss on the cheek before hoisting her up onto her lap, “did you wake your Mama up?”

“No. She’s still snoring,” Stephie giggles. 

Paige laughs, tucking that little tidbit away to tease Azzi with later, “how about you and I go get your Mama her favorite coffee?”

“Oh that’s nice,” Tallulah chirps from where she’s still standing in the kitchen, “go get coffee of course. Why would anyone stay here and help me?”

“Go ask uncle José,” Stephie shoots the younger woman an unamused look, “isn’t that what husbands are for?”

Paige stifles a grin as Tallulah narrows her eyes, waving her whisk menacingly at Stephie, “he’s not my husband yet and you watch it missy or maybe I won’t let you be a flower girl at the wedding.”

“Your wedding would be boring without me,” Stephie scoffs, “besides Aunty Tully, we’ll get you a drink too. Uncle José always says you drink vod-ka, too much of it app-ently, but I don’t know what that is,” she turns to Paige who’s gone bright red in attempt to stop herself from keeling over with laughter, “can we get vod-ka for Aunty Tully?”

Paige tries her best to compose herself, “maybe we’ll just get her a latte and save the vodka for later huh Tulls?”

Tallulah glares at her, flipping her off when Stephie’s gaze shifts towards the door, “just go get the coffee Bueckers.”

***

Not that she didn’t know it before, but Paige quickly realizes just how similar Stephie is to her mother while they’re standing in front of the bakery portion of the coffeeshop and it’s been ten minutes and Stephie still hasn’t decided which sweet treat she’d like. 

 “Stephie sweetheart,” Paige says, only slightly impatient, “how about the double fudge brownie?”

“That sounds good,” Stephie says excitedly and then her eyes dart towards the cinnamon bun in the corner, “or maybe the ninnamon bun- no wait- Aunty Tully’s gonna put ninnamon in the pancakes so maybe something else. Ooooh maybe a cookie but which one?”

Paige groans to herself as Stephie busies herself looking at the assortment of freshly baked cookies. The old woman over the counter, wearing a name tag saying Ruthie, shares a commiserating smile with her. 

“My daughter was like that too at that age. Couldn’t make a decision to save her life,” Ruthie says, a fond look in her eyes while talking about her child. 

Paige smiles, “did she ever grow out of it?”

“Well considering we went out to dinner last night and she couldn’t pick between the pepperoni and the sausage, I don’t think they really grow out of it,” Ruthie winks and Paige can’t help but think about Azzi and the way she’d struggled to pick out what to wear to bed last night, staring helplessly between two shirts that practically looked the same. 

“Oh I know that look,” Ruthie says, eyes twinkling at the hopeless smile on Paige’s face, as she tilts her head towards Stephie, “you’re thinking about her mother huh?”

“That obvious?” Paige blushes. 

Ruthie shrugs, “what is love if it can’t be seen by everyone?”

Love. The word seeps into Paige’s veins, traveling up her bloodstreams until it claws its way into her heart, settling against her ribcage like a rock so that when she breathes, it’s all she can feel. It’s too soon, she knows, and it defeats the purpose of going slow except- it’s not soon at all. Because this isn’t a new feeling, it’s a far too familiar old one that she’d buried as deep within her as possible but is now yearning to get out. It had never gone away, simply lingered in the back of her mind just waiting for this moment. And if she’s honest with herself, Paige doesn’t know if she should fight against it or let herself ride the waves of the before that are desperate to crash against the shore of now. 

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whines, “come help me choose.”

Shooting Ruthie an apologetic look and ignoring the pit in her stomach at the elder woman’s words, Paige walks over and bends down to the little girl’s height, “how about a chocolate chip cookie?”

“Boooooring,” Stephie crinkles her nose. 

“Peanut butter?”

“I’m ‘lergic to nuts Miss Buecks,” Stephie says matter-of-factly and Paige pencils that important fact into her mind’s ever growing list of all about Stephie.

“Salted caramel crunch?” 

“That sounds good,” Stephie nods, “yeah I’ll get that,” she says as she turns to Ruthie, “could I get a salted car-mel crunch cookie please?” but Paige doesn’t miss the wistful look she sends towards the rest of the cookies. 

“Stephie?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want me to get you one of each?”

And she’s absolutely going to get a disapproving glare from Azzi when she shows back up at the Fudd’s with almost a dozen cookies in hand but it’s worth it for the way Stephie immediately latches onto her thigh, a dazzling smile lighting up her whole face. 

“You’re best-est-est-est Miss Buecks,” Stephie squeals, staring up at Paige with delight. 

“I know,” Paige smirks, “and you better protect me from your Mama when we get back.”

Stephie nods very seriously, “of course Miss Buecks. I’ll protect you with my life.”

Paige ruffles the younger girl's hair before turning to Ruthie who’s grinning at her, “one of every flavor of cookie you have please. Except anything that has nuts.”

“Coming right up,” Ruthie winks at Paige, “your daughter has you wrapped around her little finger huh?”

And maybe Paige should at least attempt to correct the misconception but as Stephie clings to her just a little bit tighter, she can’t find it in herself to say anything but, “yeah, yeah she does.”

***

“Next time you kidnap my daughter, can you at least send me a text?” Azzi says, a grin on her lips as she opens the door to let Paige and Stephie enter back into the Fudd household. 

“Good morning Mama,” Stephie says happily, launching herself into her mother’s arms and placing a sloppy kiss against her cheek. 

“Morning sunshine,” Azzi laughs, “you seem giddy this morning.”

“Miss Buecks bought me six-teen cookies and she let me eat two of them while we were dri-” Stephie pauses mid ramble, eyes widening as she dramatically slaps a hand over her mouth. 

Paige groans as a glare overtakes Azzi’s previously smiling features, “Steph what happened to protecting me?”

“It was an aksy-dent Miss Buecks I’m sorry,” Stephie whimpers, hurriedly cupping her mother’s face, “please don’t be angry at Miss Buecks, Mama. It was my idea.”

Azzi rolls her eyes, “I bet it was. But if you already had two cookies, you must be full? I guess that means no pancakes for you-”

“Miss Buecks forced me to eat the cookies,” Stephie cuts her off and Paige gasps at the betrayal, “not full at all Mama because you can’t get full unless you like what you eat and I didn’t like those cookies at all. So I neeeeeeed pancakes.”

“Traitor,” Paige hisses at the little girl who shrugs sheepishly. 

Stephie shoots her an apologetic smile as Azzi hides a grin against her daughter’s hair, “I’m sorry Miss Buecks but I really, really want pancakes. I’ll die if I don’t get pancakes.”

“Okay drama queen,” Azzi chides fondly as she puts Stephie back on the ground, “go get your pancakes,” and then she rounds onto Paige with a patented glare. 

“I got you an iced vanilla latte with extra whipped cream,” Paige says before the younger woman can say anything, practically shoving the cold drink into her hand. 

“Sixteen cookies? Paige seriously?” Azzi asks, eyebrows raised as she sips at her coffee. 

“You didn’t see her Az,” Paige defends, “she looked so sad when she couldn’t decide.”

“Just because she looks sad doesn’t mean you buy her every single cookie to make her happy,” Azzi shakes her head exasperatedly. 

“I’d buy her the whole shop if that’s what would make her happy,” Paige says, sincerity weaved throughout every word of the sentence. 

“You would, wouldn’t you?” Azzi says softly, a hint of awe in her voice, “you’re kind of a sap Paige Bueckers.”

“Only for you and your daughter Azzi Fudd,” Paige whispers, leaning her head against the younger woman’s temple, “only for the two of you.”

They stand there like that, barely touching beyond their foreheads, yet basking in a certain kind of intimacy that they’ve only ever found with each other. The thing is, Paige’s senses are always heightened, every part of her always alert of what’s going around her. Except when she’s with Azzi. When she’s with Azzi she can let the noise fade to the background and let everything else become a blur and simply just be with Azzi. When she’s with Azzi, she doesn’t have to worry; doesn’t have to have her sword out ready for battle because she knows the younger girl will always be her shield. When she’s with Azzi, Paige is safe. 

They’re shaken from their reverie by a cough in the background and Paige reluctantly looks over her shoulder to see Jana regarding them with an amused look. 

“Guess I missed a couple of chapters?” 

“Shut up,” Paige grinds out, annoyed as Azzi moves out of her space, “what are you doing here so early El-Alfy?”

“I’m here for breakfast because I’m basically an honorary Fudd,” Jana throws her head back before yelling, “RIGHT KATIE?’

“Right Jana,” comes the muffled confirmation from the kitchen as Jana smirks at Paige. 

“The better question Bueckers,” the Egyptian prods with a smirk, “is what are you doing here so early?”

“I slept ov-” Paige bites her tongue but it’s too late as Jana’s grin gets wider and next to her, Azzi lets her head drop into her hands. 

“You slept over? In which room?” Jana asks innocently. 

And of course Stephie chooses exactly that moment to catch wind of the conversation, yelling from the kitchen, “she slept with me and Mama, Aunty J.”

“Thank you for telling me Stephie,” Jana’s eyes twinkle with mirth as she pulls out her phone, “oh I’m about to make some money- hey!”

Azzi snatches the phone out of her younger teammate’s hand, a sweet smile playing on her lips as she starts walking towards the kitchen, “no phones at breakfast thank you!”

“That’s not fair,” Jana whines sauntering after the GSV shooting guard, Paige snickering as she follows the two of them into the kitchen. 

“Life’s not fair. Deal with it,” Azzi glares before slipping Jana’s phone into her own pocket, “you can have it back before you leave.”

“Y’all are so mean,” Jana sulks, pouting harder when she reaches out to grab a pancake and immediately has her hand whacked by Tim.

“That one’s for Paige,” the older man warns sternly and Paige sticks her tongue out at her teammate as she grabs the pancake onto her place. 

“WHAT?” Jana guffaws, “what’s so special about it?”

Tim shrugs, “absolutely nothing. Just thought it would be funny to see you annoyed.”

“Y’all are the worst adoptive family a player could have you know that?” Jana scolds, pressing her fists to her cheeks like she’s barely older than Stephie, “and to think I was gonna invite the two of you,” she glares at Paige and Azzi, “to a party.”

“Party? Can I come?” Stephie asks excitedly. 

“Unfortunately this one’s just for adults kiddo. And it’s not really a party,” Jana explains, “me and Joyce thought it would be nice to do a little team-bonding, especially for you P. Drinks at the bar next weekend?”

“Sounds good,” Paige confirms, “we’ll be there!”

“Oh it’s ‘we’ now is it?” Jana teases, “you guys gonna come together?”

“No,” Azzi says at the same time as a profound “yes” leaves Paige’s mouth. The two of them stare at each other with questioning looks and Paige feels a heavy pit settling in her stomach. Rationally, she knows Azzi’s probably right. No part of going slow includes going to a party with their teammates together, especially not when they’re trying to keep whatever it is they’re doing on the down low. But there’s something about being a secret again, that raises a bitter taste of what killed us then could kill us now in her mouth. 

“Awkward,” Jon whistles slowly, only to be met with a simultaneous slap on the back of his head from both his mother and Tallulah. 

“I mean- I would have to drop Stephie off here- or umm- at Colleen's so like- logically- practically- uh- it um- it wouldn’t make sense for us to go together,” Azzi says and Paige has to refrain herself from calling it a bullshit explanation. 

Instead she gives the younger girl a tight-lipped nod, “right yeah-wouldn’t make sense for us to go together. Obviously,” gritting her teeth and desperate to change the topic, she turns to Jana, “will the whole team be there?”

“A couple of them aren’t currently in the Bay but yeah most of them,” Jana shrugs. 

“Oh,” Stephie claps excitedly, “will Aunty Chérie be there? Is she back yet?”

Paige narrows her eyes as both Jana and Azzi exchange looks, “who’s Aunty Chérie?”

“Aunty Chérie’s the best,” Stephie gushes, “she’s really nice and pretty and she calls me ‘mon chérie’,” the little girl does her best attempt at a vaguely french accent and realization starts to claw at Paige’s mind, “so I call her Aunty Chérie. She’s Mama’s best friend on the team.”

Paige tries and fails not to grimace at the sentence; the idea of anyone else being Azzi’s best friend feels like nails being screwed into her skin. 

“I’m your Mama’s best friend on the team,” Jana butts in, trying to rescue Azzi from the hole her daughter’s about to dig her into, glancing worriedly between the two former huskies who are doing their best not to look at each other. 

“If you say so Aunty J,” Stephie concedes, “but you didn’t answer my question. Is Aunty Chérie back?”

“Yeah she- um Clémence I mean- is coming back for a little bit next week so um-” Jana swallows, clearly not having thought the uncomfortableness of the situation through, “yeah she’ll uh- she’ll probably be there.”

Stephie lets out a whoop of excitement and Paige feels it burn a hole in her stomach. She knows she has no right to be upset at the idea of Stephie being as enamored by another one of Azzi’s teammates but something about it makes her feel queasy inside. Because Clémence Martens isn’t just a teammate. Paige doesn’t know the exact history there; she’d never had the right to ask about it but she’s seen the way Clémence looks at Azzi and she knows she doesn’t like it one bit.

“I thought Clémence was being traded to Atlanta?” Paige keeps her voice low as she leans into Jana. She’s not sure if Stephie knows the news yet and despite the jealousy that’s blooming in every crevice of her body, she doesn’t want to hurt the little girl by accidentally announcing it to her, “why’s she coming?”

Jana sighs, “Joyce invited her cause she was gonna be in town. You know they don’t know about-” the taller woman gestures between Paige and Azzi, “-all of this so. It’s just for one night Paige.”

“Right,” Paige nods, eyes locking with Azzi’s across the table as the younger woman fidgets with the ‘S’ necklace around her neck and shoots Paige a timid attempt at a reassuring smile, “just one night.”

***

August 2028

USA 68         France 64

The entire arena is abuzz for the final 20 seconds of a grueling semi-final match between the storied USA Women’s Basketball team trying to keep their dynasty alive and a vindictive French team eager to avenge their last heartbreaking Olympic loss. France has possession of the ball, shot clock turned off, and Paige has been tasked with guarding Clémence Martens. The woman in front of her, a bench player for the Golden State Valkyries,  had never seemed like much of a threat to Paige when they’d met during the W season, but seemed to have become a whole other beast when representing her nation. Clémence is currently leading the French team in assists and is only behind Gabby William in points. Paige keeps herself glued to the woman as she tries to get herself free for the inbound. 

The inbounder realizes after a couple of seconds that the French coach’s advice to get Clémence the ball wouldn’t be possible and instead the ball ends up in the hands of Iliana Rupert instead. As gameplay resumes, Paige does exactly as she’s supposed to and she can tell that she’s getting under the French woman’s skin as Clémence curses to herself in her native language. Paige bites back a smirk, secretly pleased at having riled her competitor up. The ball continues to pass around the French players, time ticking away, but the USA’s defense doesn’t allow a good shot until Gabby throws up a miraculous jumper with a second left on the shot clock. 

And of course, in a way that’s perhaps too reminiscent of how France had lost in 2024, it goes in. 

But it’s not enough and Paige feels blood rush to her ears as the entire arena, decked out in red white and blue, roars with triumph, celebrating the world's greatest team returning back to the finals stage. There’s still one more game but this win is special. They’d been down by 11 points at the half and Paige could almost picture the headlines ready to write themselves about the streaks that could be broken if they lost. But she was no stranger to the pressure that came from playing for a team with a deep history and it had been her and Stewie, partially motivated by their former college head coach frowning at them from the sidelines, that had spear-headed a 23-3 run at the beginning of the 3rd quarter. The USA women’s team hadn’t looked back since and now they were one more step away being golden again. 

“You did it,” Olivia screams, running into Paige’s arms as friends and family start to gather on the court, “I’m so proud of you!”

“Thanks Olivia-” Paige is about to say more when the familiar back of someone’s head catches her attention and, like they always seem to when she’s around, all the words die on the tip of her tongue. 

Azzi. 

Paige could’ve sworn she’d seen the woman in the crowd at some point but she’d chalked it up to a trick of the light manipulating her eyes into seeing what her heart desperately wanted. But as she watches the woman she’d once imagined celebrating all of her victories with, slowly brush away the tears of someone else’s loss, Paige can’t help but wish that it had been a trick of the light after all. She feels suffocated and she can’t tell if it’s from how tight Olivia’s holding her or if it’s because Clémence is burying her head into the space between Azzi’s neck and shoulder, a space that Paige used to mark as hers. And then Azzi looks above Clémence’s shoulder. Dark brown eyes shimmer with unshed tears as they lock onto watery sky blue ones. They’re standing in other people’s arms and they really should look away but how can they when looking into each other’s eyes feels a little bit like finally coming up for air. And Paige realizes that what she’s really being suffocated by is the regret of you’re supposed to be holding me and i’m supposed to be holding you; it was meant to be us. 

Azzi lets go of Clémence first, soothingly rubbing the francophone’s back as she makes her way over to congratulate the USA team, starting with Cam and Aliyah. Paige pulls away from Olivia, oblivious to the way annoyance flits across her wife’s features as she catches sight of Azzi. No one but the blonde notices how hesitant Azzi’s steps are, how she carefully pauses a little longer than necessary with everyone else until she finally reaches Paige, managing to give her a small but sincere smile. Olivia wraps a possessive hand around Paige’s bicep and the blonde fights the urge to shake it off when she notices Azzi’s eyes flickering to it for a brief second before coming back up to her face. 

“Congratulations Paige,” the formality in Azzi’s voice feels like acid pelting against Paige’s skin, “you were really good tonight.”

“Thank you,” Paige smiles politely, “it was pretty stressful there for a second but I’m glad we got the dub. But it um-” she hesitates, unsure if she should say the next part, “it would’ve been nice if you were out there with me- with us I mean. We could’ve used your shooting.”

“Maybe next time,” Azzi gives her a half-grin. 

“Oh I don’t know about that,” Olivia says airily, sharp nails digging a little too roughly into Paige’s skin as her grip tightens further, “there’s plenty of talent up and coming in the next 4 years.”

This is a side of Olivia that Paige is only just beginning to unveil, the side of Olivia that makes snide bitchy comments with a saccharine voice. And Paige really should let it go at this moment, make a mental note to speak with her wife about it later instead of jumping in. But she can see the insecurities brimming in Azzi’s eyes and the words tumble out before Paige can stop them. 

“Yeah but no one better than Azzi.”

Olivia stiffens, “right unless she’s injured or pregnant or something. You’re prone to those right?”

“Olivia,” Paige hisses. 

“I didn’t mean it offensively,” Olivia feigns innocence and a bitter mix of irritation and anger coils itself around Paige’s ribcage, “just something to think about.”

Azzi’s quiet for a second before a sugary smile, laced with poison, inches itself onto her face, “I’ve only been pregnant once and I haven’t been injured since college which I would expect someone in sports media to know but,” the brunette’s eyes flash dangerously, “I suppose that’s something someone with national media credentials would know, not just a mere local beat writer for Dallas’s fifth most read newspaper,” Azzi turns to Paige, sarcasm morphing into something far more genuine, “congratulations again. I’m really happy for you Paige.”

***

The Reynolds-Bueckers hotel room is a pathetic hot mess that night. Olivia’s livid at Paige and Paige is livid at the stupid #Clézzi tag on tiktok. She’s no stranger to fan edits and she’s definitely no stranger to ship edits and so when the first tiktok appears on her for you page, she knows better than to click on it. She knows better but she does it anyway. And suddenly she finds herself sucked into montage after montage of so-called moments between Clémence and Azzi that fans had noticed and documented. The clips are bad enough themselves but it’s the captions, bold declarations of look at the way she looks at her; no one can love azzi the way clémence loves her, that really piss her off. Clémence might look at Azzi like she’s made of stars but Paige knows that she looks at Azzi like she is the moon, Paige’s moon. As Olivia’s anger bounces off the walls, her rant about disrespect starts to mesh with the audio of the edits that continue to play on the blonde’s phone and Paige wonders if this her God-designed personal hell. 

“Are you even fucking listening to me Paige?” Olivia yells, forcing Paige to look up at her wife. 

“What do you want me to say Olivia?” Paige asks tiredly. 

“What do I want you to say? Well nothing now Paige. She said all of that shit to me and you were silent then so I’m not expecting you to say anything of meaning now either.”

“You’re the one who poked her first-”

“Jesus fucking christ,” Olivia laughs maniacally, “you’re really gonna do this?”

“I’m not doing anything,” Paige protests. 

“You’re defending her,” Olivia yells, “you’re my wife and you’re defending her. You’re defending your ex. Can you seriously not see what’s wrong with this picture.”

“Olivia,” Paige sighs, eyes gazing down at her phone where another fuckass Clézzi edit has started to play and she rapidly scrolls past it, “it’s been a long day and I just wanna go to bed. I have practice tomorrow and the gold medal game-”

“Right fucking basketball. Again,” Olivia rolls her eyes. 

“What-”

“It’s fine,” Olivia pinches the bridge of her nose, the fight draining from her voice, “you’re right go to bed. I’m not- I’m not feeling great so I’ll sleep out here tonight. Wouldn’t- wouldn’t want you to get sick before the gold medal game.”

“Olivia,” Paige says half-heartedly, taking a timid step towards the woman in front of her.

“It’s fine,” Olivia says, “just- just go to bed Paige.”

Paige knows that the last thing she should do is actually listen to her wife. And she knows that if it was Azzi -she hates herself for even thinking this way- she wouldn’t walk away. If it was Azzi, Paige would’ve pulled her into her arms, held her there and made her talk because they both hated going to bed angry. But well if it was Azzi, this whole situation wouldn’t exist in the first place. 

And so she ends up in bed alone, still scrolling through random tiktoks in an effort to not have to deal with all the voices in her head, until suddenly she stumbles on a video captioned and at the end of the day she’ll still always be looking at her. It’s a video taken today. Paige is holding Olivia and Azzi’s holding Clémence but they’re staring at each other. And Paige thinks that whoever wrote the caption, had probably gotten it right. At the end of day, she’ll always look for Azzi. She just doesn’t know if she’ll find her ever again. 

***

USA 102         Australia 73 

Paige can already taste the feeling of a gold medal around her neck as she takes a seat, the crowd roaring with applause as Coach Lawson empties her bench. There’s only fifteen seconds left in the game and her knees are bouncing in anticipation, ready to celebrate a moment she’s been dreaming of for god knows how long. Paige scans the crowd, not even pretending to look for anyone but Azzi and she can’t help the smile that erupts on her face when she spots the brunette with her fingers crossed, a brilliant grin directed in Paige’s direction as she mouths i’m so proud of you. 

Olivia isn’t here, claiming she was too sick to come tonight. Paige thinks she probably should be more upset about that. She thinks the whole thing is probably a ruse that Olivia had concocted to get Paige to beg her to come, to get Paige to show her that she wanted her wife there. The other woman's face had fallen when Paige hadn’t really reacted to the announcement, simply pressed her lips to her forehead and mumbled a feeble hope you feel better before leaving. Paige thinks this is probably the first sign they're falling apart. She thinks she should probably care about that a little bit more too. 

But the first thing her eyes had landed on once she’d entered the court, was Azzi’s face in the lower bowl and everything else had ceased to exist. Her first petty thought had been a ha! fuck you to the damned Clézzi shippers who claimed Azzi wouldn’t show up today, too busy consoling Clémence. They didn't know Azzi was all-american. Her second thought, the one that felt like a warm blanket being wrapped around her soul, was that of course Azzi’s here. Because Azzi had been there every time Paige achieved a milestone and even if they were barely a shadow of what they used to be, it's only right that Azzi is still here. 

Australia doesn’t even bother taking a shot, bowing out gracefully and the buzzer rings. 

The entire arena bursts into confetti and music as the USA Women’s Basketball Team clinches yet another Olympic Gold Medal. 

Paige doesn’t know who she’s hugging, lost in a sea of red uniforms as she feels herself floating through her teammates. They end up in a huddle, screaming and she can barely make out who’s saying what but it doesn’t matter. The chaos has never felt so fucking cathartic.

As everyone else disperses to find their families, Paige’s eyes land where they always seem to: on Azzi. And maybe she shouldn’t do it, maybe she should think again but fuck it Paige Bueckers is an olympic gold medalist and she’s going to share this moment with the first person she’d ever won a medal for this country with. Her legs move of their own accord, walking and then running and she breathes out a sigh of relief when she realizes that Azzi’s moving towards her too. 

“You did it. Oh my god Paige you did it,” Azzi squeals as they crash into each other in the middle of the court, her arms instinctively going around Paige’s neck as the blonds wraps her hands around Azzi’s waist, “I’m so fucking proud of you. I knew you could do it Paige.”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Paige breathes out, “I just- it wouldn’t be the same winning without you.”

Azzi’s eyes soften, “I came for you. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that but- I’m here for you.”

“Good don't want you to be here for anybody else,” Paige tightens her hold on the younger woman’s waist, “we’re gonna do it together next time okay. You and me, we’re gonna be golden together.”

And they both know that they’re saying words they shouldn’t say. That when they break apart from this moment, they’ll have to walk away. But for now, being in each other’s arms is the only thing that feels right, that feels golden.

[ppumeonae-bigvibe]

heart on the line

↖ navigation: enhypen masterlist || main masterlist

pairing: bodyguard! sunghoon x gn! reader

tags: reader being a precious human being (yes you), underlying hints of attraction <3, reader being more on the quiet side but is more vulnerable around sunghoon, sunghoon being the sweetest ever hehe

summary: unspoken feelings blossoms as sunghoon vows to protect you, the one he's come to love

word count: 1k

continuation from icy cold warmth [you don't have to read it to enjoy this fic, but it would be useful background information!]

"...your dream?"

sunghoon blinked a couple of times, snapping out of his thoughts, "huh?" he glances at you, perched snuggly next to him by the balcony. stars twinkled brightly against the dark backdrop of the night, an occasional gust of wind causing the trees to rustle gently. both of you were staying up past your bedtime, finding solace atop the balcony ledge right outside your bedroom.

"being a bodyguard." you repeated again, a little softer this time. sunghoon stood protectively beside you as you swung your legs back and forth on the ledge, not at all bothered by the cool night breeze. he shifted his weight towards you, arms ready to catch you if you fall.

"well, my father and even my father's father have all served dutifully in this line of work. it felt right to follow their footsteps to protect the people we care about, just as they did for their valued personnel."

"am i just...one of the many people you'll serve?" the words left your mouth with a tinge of hesitation and sunghoon was quick to dispel it, "you might not be my first, but i want you to be my last. i want to be with you."

silence blanketed the both of you and sunghoon feels embarrassed by his bold proclamation, "i'm sorry, i was too forward--" you reached over to hush him with a finger over his lips, "i appreciate it." a small smile graced your face and sunghoon flushes from your genuinity.

you glazed over the horizon once more before you tuck your legs back behind the ledge. sunghoon instinctively holds you firmly in his arms, carrying you off the ledge and bringing you back into the warmth of your room. sunghoon apologized when you shivered in his hold, no doubt because your bare feet touched the floor. "it's cold." you murmured and he was quick to wrap another layer of clothing over you.

he felt your icy fingertips graze his inner wrist, eyes begging him to stay. "i'm right here." he promised, and you eventually lay down on your bed, with sunghoon knelt next to you.

"go to sleep now."

--

sunghoon knows you're a person of little words, so whenever you'd speak to him with that alluring voice of yours, he's hooked onto everything you say.

in this case, your usual poised demeanor was replaced with a more lighthearted one as the two of you made your way down by the riverside. you had shyly asked if sunghoon would like to spend one early morning by the river, a secret you sworn he should keep. of course, he rarely denies your requests, especially if it concerned something you desired.

you wanted solace away from home for a bit, and although you two had an hour before you had to hurry back home to get ready for the day, sunghoon took the opportunity. anything for you.

armed with a big umbrella and a picnic mat, he chases after you, "be careful!"

unable to contain the laugh that escaped your entire being, you gleefully dashed through the grass, flowers swaying in the wind, "come on!"

he holds dear moments like this, where you could put away your facade and be you, the person he cherishes the most. not that he didn't like you when you were serious or quiet; if sunghoon could, he would bring joy to you at the cost of the world.

you secured a secluded spot under the tree, beckoning for him to hurry along. together, you and sunghoon set up the area cozily. he sat down cross legged beside you, lightly chiding you, "you could have slowed down. what if there was something dangerous in the field i didn't see?"

"if we went any slower, i wouldn't get to spend these precious minutes with you." you blinked and sunghoon feels his entire body awaken under your scrutiny. "you do know the severity of your words, right?" he muses, gazing at you.

"i do."

the sky became pink like a sea of cotton candy, with the light of the sun coloring the clouds above with a pinkish hue. in this moment as he appreciates your sincerity, you grasped his hands in yours, "will you be by my side?

"of course."

--

gentle, soft-spoken. a stark contrast to him: brash, and sharp. two halves of a whole, he thinks to himself as he waits outside the music studio for your piano class to finish. he feels his body relax when he locks eyes with you, the small wave of your hands causing his heart to erupt.

"that will be all for today's class." the teacher greeted and you bowed your head, "thank you for today." sunghoon mimics your action as he leads you out of the building, not forgetting to hold your bag

"did you hear me earlier?" you tilt your head upwards, sparkling gaze directed to the male. sunghoon nods, "i have been standing outside after parking the car." he opens the door of the car for you, ushering you to get in, but you stood rooted by the door all while looking expectantly at him.

sunghoon noticed the tint of pink dusting your cheeks and realizes the meaning behind your question.

"i like the piece you were playing. will you play it for me later?"

he doesn't miss the way your lips curved up even higher. "i want to." with that promise, you slid into the seat beside his, your actions causing him to shake his head good-naturedly.

"your father is going to hear about this if he spots you sitting beside me instead of behind me." sunghoon lightly teased but you huffed, choosing you cross your arms, "but i want to."

just four simple words nearly had sunghoon clutching his heart, unbeknownst to you. he composed himself, starting up the car and reversed it out of the driveway.

"we'll take a detour then, so you can move behind before we arrive at the garage." sunghoon suggested and seeing you beam at him was more than enough.

"i'd like that."

@ppumeonae-bigvibe 's work ; likes and reblogs are appreciated <3

[writersdrug]

Ghost x Konig x Reader: I Don't Need You (Ch. 6)

<- Previous - Next ->

Summary: You (surprisingly) get more comfortable with Kortac, and slowly let yourself connect with the team. You subconsciously tether yourself to Konig, who is more than willing to help you fit in. The pain of the past begins to fade into the back of your mind like the end of a long chapter of your life.

Additionally, Konig starts asking the hard questions - it unearths a piece of you that you'd hoped would remain buried, but you still share the memories with Konig.

Chapter warnings: Mentions of violence, mentions of rape, cursing, google translate German, shirtless Soap, very EXTREMELY watered-down mentions of sexual themes (we ain't there yet, boiis)

Notes: Sorry it took so long, I've got a lot cooking in the kitchen now and I'm hoping to pump out a lot this week!

Additionally, I've had some comments on this work not being an x Reader. First off, I never want to mislead anyone. I label this as an x Reader because Bonnie is not an OC of mine. I've seen other x Reader fics include callsigns that refer to the reader, so I assumed using Bonnie similarly would be alright. I also mentioned a name ONCE in chapter 3, "Jane Morris," which I thought to be a very generic name, and I haven't used it since and don't plan to. I have a personal preference of writing longer, chapter-by-chapter fics in first POV because it feels more natural to me than second POV. The same goes for using y/n - I like to avoid it if I can because it feels unnatural.

Again, those last two thing are a personal preference. I'm not bashing any fics that use these things at all, I enjoy both ones that do and ones that don't, and I don't enjoy one over the other. When I say one feels more natural than the other, I mean it feels more natural to write, not to read. I'm debating changing the name I used in chapter 3 to just y/n l/n to make this a true x Reader. If you still feel like I should change this to an x OC please let me know and I'll be happy to adjust the tags, titles, and descriptions. Again, I never meant to be misleading, and I hope I didn't make anyone angry. If a mistake has been made I am happy to learn from it. Thanks!

Konig had cracked the code on me. He figured out that after a case of American beers and a long drive, away from the crowd of new faces, my outer shell began to soften.

There was still a wall that I was holding up between me and everyone else, even though it was significantly smaller than usual. When Roze and Castillo approached me at breakfast, I didn’t get up and leave. And when Juno used the empty spot in the gym room right next to me, dropping his bag on the floor and giving me a cautious glance as he set up for his routine - I didn’t grab my things and move to the other end of the room. That was my first instinct, but I fought it. Instead I huffed, facing the mirror in front of me and focusing on my sets.

I’d started going to the common area more often – maybe not every night, but often enough. We’d make it a habit to play poker on the nights I did show up. I was better than most of the group, since none of them were quite used to my mannerisms yet. However, Konig and Horangi still took the lead as the winners, despite most of us arguing that they shouldn’t be allowed to play if they were going to wear their masks. The argument would eventually turn into a casual conversation – I didn’t engage in it too often. I preferred to sit and listen, using the time to slowly learn more about the team. I typically planted myself between Roze and Konig, keeping my legs crossed on the seat and nervously fiddling with my Yuengling bottle.

Although I was ashamed to admit it, Konig had become a conduit for my interactions with the rest of the team. The way he engaged with their activities, yet still managed to stay reserved, struck a chord with me. I respected the fact that it could sometimes be difficult to find him on base, and that at the same time, he was always there when I started to feel overwhelmed. I didn’t need him, no… that was a stretch. But sometimes I felt grateful that he was so eager to accompany me places – especially when he invited me to go on “perimeter checks” with him, which mostly consisted of long drives off base.

I don’t know how I had grown to appreciate him so much – maybe it was because he felt similar to me, in the way that we both needed our alone time, and with how we often found ourselves slipping out of the common area around the same time, with the original excuse being that we were tired. Half of the time, we would sit in the mess hall and talk until the early hours of the morning.

“A sniper?” I asked on one particular night, fiddling with the mouth of my beer bottle. “You’re way to big for that – no offense.”

Konig chuckled. “And that’s what they initially told me.” He took a swig of his (nasty) German beer. “But, despite being handed other opportunities, I proved them wrong. I’m sill a damn good sniper.”

I huffed. “Nah, you should be happy you got promoted to Colonel; you’re lucky, you get to avoid being in the trenches – at least, as much as the rest of us.”

“Lucky? No…” Konig said, shaking his head. “I do not like being a Colonel. I’d much rather be doing the dirty work of soldiers than writing these stupid reports.” He slapped a large hand over the manilla folder that sat on the table next to his beer. “It keeps my head busy, and I don’t have to listen to myself think.”

I nodded while sipping my beer. “I completely get that – If I’m not actively doing something with my hands, my brain gets too loud. Like – like there’s a mini me in my head, and the only way to drown her out is by physically doing something. Anything, really.”

Konig laughed – almost a snort – “‘A mini you’. I like that, that’s good.”

I huffed a laugh through my nose, turning my head to hide the smirk on my face. Despite being a large, brutish man, he had a youthful essence about him. It was hidden deep beneath the thick exterior of a war-hardened soldier. But, every now and again, it rose to the surface, touching a part of my soul I hadn’t allowed to be seen in a long time.

I pushed my stack of bills into the middle of the table. “All in.” I said nonchalantly.

Gaz narrowed his eyes, leaning back in his chair and looking down his nose at me. “You’re bloody stupid…”

“Or really smart.” I retorted. I folded my arms over my chest, not wavering under his intimidating gaze.

It was unbearably hot in the room – whether that was from the tension of the game or the broken air conditioner (Price eternally insisted it would be fixed, “… by next week…”), I didn’t know. I was donned in my sweatpants and sports bra, Gaz was in a wife beater and sweats, Ghost was covered head to toe in a sweatshirt and jeans (one could ever rarely catch him wearing anything less), and Soap… well, Soap was Soap. Completely shirtless, with only a pair of gym shorts on. Typical for him to be so shameless.

Ghost looked at his cards, his jaw clearly tense underneath his mask. He wasn’t very good at hiding his unlucky hand – it was almost like he wasn’t even trying. Which was a possibility.

“Fucking hell… I fold.” He tossed his hand onto the table, revealing his sour bunch of cards. He walked to the fridge and cursed under his breath, rummaging through the contents.

“Jesus, you’re a load of dry shite.” Soap commented, leaning against the wall adjacent to Ghost. “You could’ve at least tried to intimidate ‘em.”

“You could try shutting your fucking mouth, alright?” Ghost snapped back. Soap raised his hands defensively, leaving Ghost by the fridge.

He flopped onto the couch near me and Gaz. “Miserable sap…”

I did my best to tune out their bickering. I stared down Gaz, tapping my fingers on the edges of my cards. I was relying on the river card – I had a chance at a four-of-a-kind, praying the last card on the table would be another seven.. It was risky, and Gaz was probably right in calling me stupid. But I was never one to back down from a challenge. I craved the thrill of it. Most of the time, I ended up getting lucky.

Gaz chewed his lip. He cocked an eyebrow, slowly pushing all of his cash to the middle of the table. “Call.” He said.

And I heard it – the telltale sign of his bluff. A fraction of a second where his voice had waivered, followed by him grinding his jaw. I knew I had it in the bag.

I was savoring the moment of triumph, watching Gaz stare at his cards, when I felt a hand on my back. I nearly spun around and yelled at whoever touched me, until I saw a gloved hand place a Yuengling bottle to my right, the lid already popped off. I faltered, staring at the bottle, feeling the hand on my back rubbing a thumb back and forth over my spine.

I glanced behind me, looking up to meet Ghost’s eyes. He was looking down at me with an empty gaze. His eyebrows twitched for a brief moment as he continued rubbing his thumb over the skin of my back.

I knew what he was suggesting. What he was asking. Put a woman on a compound with broken, touch-starved men, and eventually one of them will succumb to the temptation. Even so, I was shocked that it was Ghost. I would say he was showing a weakness here, no matter what he decided to call this – it was an admission that he needed something – something from me, specifically – which I never thought would happen.

He continued staring at me for another few moments, waiting for an answer. Keeping my eyes locked on him, I took the bottle and drank; my reply. He gave the tiniest nod, walking away and sitting down next to Soap – who was shuffling the remaining deck of cards, eyes narrowed at Gaz. He knew he was bluffing too.

I turned back to Gaz, smirking as he revealed the river card.

“You ever think about what you would say to those kids now?” I asked, tapping my beer bottle. “The ones who bullied you.”

Konig hummed. “Mm… not really. I don’t hold too much resentment.”

I chuckled. “If only we could all be a saint.”

“Well, it all happened so long ago.” Konig tried to justify himself. “We were only kids, bored and trying to stay on the surface. They just wanted to look tough so that no one would pick on them. Of course, I wouldn’t understand that as a kid. Maybe then, I would have admired what I’ve become, and I would have wanted to boast about it. But now that I am a Colonel – Ich habe besseres zu tun.”

I sarcastically rolled my eyes. “And that means?”

“Ehh…” he groaned, squinting his eyes. “How is it said… ‘I have bigger fishes to cook.’”

I sputtered, turning my head and laughing. Konig glared at me. “Gibt es ein Problem?” he asked, which I sort of understood. He sounded irritated, that much I could tell.

“No, Konig…” I said, standing up and giving him a pat on the shoulder as I walked by. “Just keep up the English lessons, ok?”

He scowled. “Verpiss dich… Start learning German and maybe I will.” He retorted, and I waved at him dismissively from behind my back.

I stuck my head into the fridge, grabbing a Yuengling and one of Konig’s beers. I walked back and placed them both next to him. Like instinct, he took each one and hooked their lid onto the edge of the table, then smacked the side of his hand down on the tops, sending the lid clattering to the ground. He opened my beer and handed it to me, then repeated the process with his, before reaching down and collecting the lids. He added them to the pile, totaling six beer lids so far.

If someone had shown me this image a year ago – Konig and I, sitting up late into the night, chatting like we’d known each other for decades… not to mention the fact that I was so unusually open with him… I would have been insulted. I would have laughed. No one would have been able to convince me that I would become so attached to anyone else after what had happened with the 141. Yet, all of this felt so natural. It was beyond how I felt that Konig and I were kindred spirits… it really did feel like I’d known him before. Maybe, he reminded me of a part of myself that I tried to bury away.

Or, maybe, I was just submitting to loneliness and trying to justify how quickly I clung to the first available soul. That was also an embarrassing possibility, one that I would rather not admit to.

“I have a question for you.” Konig’s voice and the clink of his beer bottle on the table brought me back to reality.

“I might have an answer.” I replied.

He looked off to the side, perhaps wondering whether or not he really wanted to ask the question. “Who did you kill? And why?”

Just like that, I felt the walls being built right back to where I had them. Bonding time’s over. Back to square one.

His inquiry caught me off guard. I froze, my bottle hovering in the air before I could take a sip, my eyes glued to the table. Just the mention of the incident brought the painful memories up to the surface, like claws scraping at the dirt, digging up the deepest roots.

“Lots of people.” I said, deflecting. I took a swig of my beer.

“You know what I mean.” He scoffed. “Why did you end up in military prison?” He leaned over the table – clearly not planning on letting the topic go.

I sucked my teeth, staring at him defiantly – moments ago, it was pleasant talking to him. Now, I was fighting back the urge to leave him at the table and go to my dorm. I felt ambushed at how he had changed the subject so abruptly. Like he had been waiting for me to carelessly stumble into the trap, and now he was watching me snarl from within it.

He leaned back with a sigh. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I just thought we were getting somewhere here.”

“Oh?” I said dryly, cocking an eyebrow. “’Getting somewhere?’ What’s that sup-“

“Hey, it’s ok.” He raised his hands defensively. “I get it. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” His words were forgiving, but his eyes said something else – I knew what he was thinking.

Weak.

I gave him a hateful stare. Fucker know how to play his cards.

“I killed a sergeant.” I admitted. “My lieutenant’s right-hand man.”

That got Konig’s attention. He leaned forward again, putting his bottle off to the side. “Why?” he asked again.

I inhaled deeply, then exhaled, as I leaned back in my chair. My eyes fell to the floor as I forced myself to recall the memories. “In Egypt, a while back. Don’t ask when because I won’t tell you.” I warned Konig, and he huffed – but obliged.

I continued. “We were going in to retrieve a hostile target. Everyone was jumpy – me included. It was dark, and we didn’t know what to expect. After the hostiles started to engage, we were scattered. I got stuck in one tower, so I went upstairs to try and make a foxhole.”

I paused. It was now my own hands, covered in dirt, clawing at the roots of the memory. Each word I said was painful, yet somehow felt overshared. Like I was trying to get Konig to pity me. Except I wasn’t – I just wanted him to listen.

And that’s exactly what he did. No comforting shoulder pat, no soothing words… he just listened. He knew that if he stepped on the wrong spot, it would break my openness, like a branch breaking under his foot would disturb the silence of the woods.

“The sergeant – ‘Flare’ – he was up there, too. I thought we’d had the same idea, but… holy fuck…” I ran a hand down my face, feeling my heartbeat grow faster. “At first, I didn’t know what he was doing, I just heard him making those sounds and I thought he’d been hit, but… he was taking advantage of this – this woman – and with her kids right fucking there… she was probably just trying to hide, to hide them, she had to be so fucking scared… he didn’t even stop when I found him, I don’t know if he even heard me screaming at him.”

I paused, almost waiting for Konig to say or do something, but he remained silent. Despite my eyes never leaving the floor, I could see his blue ones watching me carefully. Concerned, patient, and calm.

“I didn’t know what else to do.” I said, my voice faltering the slightest bit. “So I shot him. In the head.” I unintentionally shivered. “Probably traumatized that poor woman and her kids, but… quick decisions aren’t the best ones.”

I ended my rant with a heavy sip of my beer. Konig continued watching me with wary eyes, which I ignored. I didn’t need consolation, or sympathy, or whatever he might try to offer. Somehow, he seemed to understand that.

“I would have done the same thing.” He commented.

Would you?

After a moment, he exhaled. “I don’t understand… I’d say you were in the right. Why did they put you in prison for that?”

I chewed my lip. “There was… some speculation, that I was jealous of his position. We’d been close throughout my time with the team, and when he got the promotion to second-in-command, I was a bit envious at first. People thought I was taking my anger out on him in what seemed like the perfect opportunity to lie.” I took another sip. “But I was happy for him. He worked hard, and he deserved it. But then the pressure got to him – Lieutenant was always depending on him for too much, and Flare couldn’t handle the responsibility. If he slipped up, it was a lot worse than if one of the rest of us did. I guess… the pressure is what got him in the end. Made him crazy in the end. He didn’t have any morals anymore.”

More silence. It felt uncomfortably loud – Konig’s stare seemed to make my head ring, making me fidget and bounce my knee. I wanted to snap at him. What are you looking at? Why are you asking so many fucking questions? But I was able to keep my anger at bay, justifying the situation by assuming his questions were fueled by nothing more than curiosity.

I figured I had said enough for the night, and finished off the rest of my beer. I slapped my leg, the telltale sign that I was getting ready to turn in.

Konig ignored it, or seemed to not notice. “Why did you kill him?” he asked.

I narrowed my eyes in confusion. “Why did I? What do you mean?”

“Why kill him? Why not just… disable him for the moment, and let your commander deal with him later?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but my voice was a second too late. “Again… in the heat of the moment, you don’t make distinctions like that. You think: ‘shoot,’ or ‘don’t shoot.’ And shooting him was the choice I made.”

Konig’s gaze became scrutinous. He knew I was lying about something… he was hellbent on figuring out what.

He’s going to have to wait a long damn time.

“Goodnight, Konig.” I said flatly. I collected my bottles, getting up from the table. With a clang, I tossed them into the bin by the exit, walking down the hall and leaving Konig sitting alone in the mess hall. I feel tears stinging my eyes, but that’s all they did. It’s all just water under the bridge, y/n. Get it together. You’re alright.

-----

Taglist: @igotmajordaddyissues @princekonig @vixionix

[frightenedcricket]

Decay Part 1: The fall.

Noah Sebastian x OC. Angst.

Summary: Noah and Abby's friendship starts trembling when Abby develops unhealthy habits. No one knows why, no one dares to ask, but everyone is scared.

Notes: this is fiction. It's long af so I will make it a multi part thing

Warnings: themes like alcoholism, alussions to S. A. (it doesn't happen), self-destructive behaviors are touched in this fic. Read at your own discretion.

He didn't know where or when it started. But he was alert whenever she was around. They all had seen her decay in the past weeks and it was obviously taking a toll in them. But it was Noah the one worrying the most.

Abby wasn't one to tell anyone her problems. Not even Noah. She didn't want to be a weight on anyone's shoulders. She had told them when she had broken up with her partner. They knew about the impact it had on her and how she needed to stop touring for a few weeks. But that was it. That was the further they knew about her fears and personal life. They didn't know how recently her mind had been plagued by those thoughts... She was hurting herself, her own mind playing games, and no one truly know. They didn't see more than they joyful friend getting wasted night after night.

They were in a random gas station. The bus needed to stop and they had just left the city. It was past 3 am and they were all tired.

Noah left the public restroom he had just washed his teeth in and looked around. It was dark and kind of misty. The bus was only a few meters away. He could see the lights and also some of the guys moving inside. But as soon as he started to walk in that direction, he heard a group of three men talk.

"Yeah, there's a chick in there." He stopped walking and turned in the most discreet way he could. They were next to a truck smoking. "And she was pissed drunk"

Noah felt cold. They were talking about her. Abby had drunk too much. It was kind of a habit right now, that was what had them worried.

"I'm sure she is easy to convince" Another one said.

"My house is right down the road"

"No way we are taking her to your house, dude! I'll drive down there and then we can bring her-"

The door opened and Noah tensed. The three men turned to her, they hadn't seen Noah standing there or didn't care about him. One of them started to walk, but Noah moved faster.

"Babe! Here you are. I though you were already in the bus"

Noah took long steps to her and pulled her closer to his body. The three men froze.

"Let's go" He muttered when she clinged into his waist.

"Yeah... I'm a bit dizzy" She muttered. "You called me babe"

Noah's heart wanted to come out of his chest. Yeah, he could fight, he was big and well trained. But those men were three and he didn't know if they were armed. Plus by how they spoke... If he had walked to the bus... He pulled her closer and kissed her head.

"Hey, what took you so long?" Folio was smoking outside the bus.

"Hey, Folio. Do you have some..."

"No, he doesn't"

Noah and Nick shared a look.

"Let's go inside and you can go to sleep" At least she had her sweats and hoodie on. They wouldn't need to get her out of her work clothes.

"Oh C'mon. I'm fine"

Noah had to help her to get on the bus. With a loud sigh, she let herself fall on the sofa. "I will sleep here, okay?"

"Abby..."

"I get dizzy in the bus"

"You wouldn't if you didn't drink like that" Matt groaned.

"Matt" Noah didn't need to say more. His stern gaze made everyone shut up.

Noah ended up sitting with her because once the bus started moving she got worse.

The next day, she was still sleeping there when the others came back from having breakfast. Luckily, tonight they had hotel rooms.

"Abby?"

"Mhm... My head..."

"Yeah, I brought you painkillers."

"You are an angel"

Noah sighed and moved her hair out of her face. Abby stared into his eyes for long seconds. She loved them. So dark but so sweet and warm. She wished for that pain in them to wash away.

"You stayed last night?"

Noah shook his head. After a while his neck had started hurting and he moved to his bunk. He wanted to take care of her, but it was starting to consume him.

"Oh" She wouldn't admit she wanted him to stay. That was the last thing she wanted to do because it would only make it worse.

"Get ready, okay? We have the soundcheck in an hour and Dierkes is not happy"

She nodded.

The thing was that, with all her problems, she still showed up everyday at work, on time and gave the most of her. It was on her free time when she did all the damage.

During the day, Abby was her usual loving shelf. She was there for everyone, she seemed happy.

Soundcheck was smooth. They didn't have mayor problems.

"Movie night?" Noah said during lunch.

"Oh yes! There is this new one... Fuck. I don't remember the name" Folio started talking about the film, but Noah's eyes moved over to where Abby sat. She was on her phone, not paying much attention. He felt something on his chest. She used to love movie nights.

She didn't make it to watch the movie.

"And Abby?" Noah cautiously asked when the last one of the guys arrived.

"Uh..." Nicholas cleared his throat. He had been there for a while already, but didn't have the guts so say it. "She has a date"

Noah frowned.

"A date? We got here yesterday"

"Tinder" The bassist muttered.

Noah's humor switched completely. He tensed and his expression turned icy.

"Noah" Bryan grabbed his shoulder, but he moved away.

"It's fine. Turn that film on"

The next morning, when Jolly was leaving his room for breakfast when Abby stumbled out of the elevator. The man groaned and quickly moved to her.

"Hey"

"Where were you?" Jolly was cold, probably too much because she flinched a bit.

"With a friend" Abby muttered. Her mind kept running around the things that had happened. She wanted to shower.

Jolly didn't tell Noah about the encounter, but he told everyone Abby was already on her room. They sighed in relief. Noah felt the tension leaving his shoulders. At least she was back. The men from the gas station hadn't left his mind for a second.

It was the first time she was late for work. But again, she did everything good. She was only a bit slower than other days.

"Are you okay?" Noah asked. She had lifted a box and had groaned.

"Yeah... I didn't expect it to be this heavy"

Noah nodded. There were dark circles under her eyes and her skin was pale. She had tried to hide it with make up but it didn't work.

"Uh... Sorry for not going last night" I'm the bottom, Abby was fully conscious of her actions. She knew what she was doing, she knew that it was hurting Noah. But in those moments, fear and anxiety washed over her and she simply couldn't stand being there.

The signer shook his head.

"It's okay. It was awful anyway" He didn't want to give her a excuse, a reason... But he didn't want to admit that he hated her last night, that he hated she was there with some random dude and had skipped movie night for sex. He didn't want to be that person. He didn't want to be jealous.

"Folio, right?"

Noah nodded and she laughed softly. That was like a present on Christmas.

But Noah's mind keep turning over the same spot. He needed to keep her close. To keep an eye on her. But he didn't know how. He felt this urge to protect her from the world.

"Man..." Matt sat next to him after the show. They had gone to have a couple of drinks in a bar and Abby already had her first beer. "It's not healthy"

"I know, I just don't know how to tell her-"

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you. We all know that whatever she is doing it's not healthy"

"About me?"

Noah frowned. The manager nodded slowly. "You are not yourself."

"Well, I'm worried. You know why" He had tried to be subtle about it and keep it a secret. But he had already told more people than he could count with his hand. He was head over heels for her. He was for a long time.

"Noah... You don't have to save her"

Noah looked away. It was like cold water. Something he already knew but didn't want to be told.

"I have been in bad places too, Matt. I want to help her, she can't do it alone"

"But it's not your responsibility, okay? She is our friend. We can help her, but we... You can't do it for her"

Noah ran his hands over his hair and looked for her. The groan was loud.

Abby was standing there with a man and his hands were dangerously low. She took a shot and the man grabbed his cheeks harshly. Noah couldn't tear his eyes off them. He kissed her and Noah felt nauseous.

"Noah"

"Yeah" Finally, he leaned back against the chair and look at Matt. "It's hurting me"

Well, his therapist would be proud.

Nicholas found them on the table and sat, instantly feeling the tension.

"Is this about..."

"Yeah"

Nicholas, being the best friend, flesh and bone, the guy who had been there for so long, leaned forward on the table.

"I know you are in love with her. It's not easy for me to see her doing this, I can't imagine for you... But it's not healthy... Are you even happy?"

Noah looked down at his hands. Suddenly, the tattoos that covered them for years were the most interesting thing in the world.

"No..." He was happy touring, with the band, his job. All of that was everything that he ever wanted. But now there was a dark cloud that would let him see all of those good things he had.

Unconsciously, his eyes moved to her but she wasn't there. The anxiety grew on his chest as he got up.

"She was with- I have to go"

"Noah, no"

They couldn't stop him. When he stepped outside, the air was way colder and humid than when they arrived. He heard her laugh and looked to the right. She was with that man next to a car. He took mental notes of everything he could, and last but not lest important, wrote the plate number on his phone. Then, he knew he shouldn't, but he did it any way.

"Abby!"

Her face turned to him and she smiled. His heart broke even more.

"Hey! Noah!"

He causally walked to them, making eye contact with the man.

"Where are you going?"

"Uh... With Harry" She couldn't stand looking into his eyes. There was somthing turning on her stomach.

"We leave early tomorrow"

"Uh"

"Who is this, flower?"

"This is Noah" She said while looking at him. There was something on her eyes he couldn't read. "A friend"

Noah felt his heart clench. He wasn't just a friend.

"W-we leave early tomorrow"

Abby seemed to think about it. They would leave at 8.30 am.

"Yeah, I... Uh... I'll try to make it."

"No, you have to be there"

Abby bit her lip and Harry scoffed.

"Dude..."

Noah shot him a look and he rolled his eyes.

"Listen. If I'm not there at 8... I'll send you my location as soon as we arrive at his. Just come and pick me. He lives down the road."

Noah felt a sour taste on his mouth. He didn't want to let her go. He didn't want her to be alone.

"Okay" He said defeated.

He watched them leave, feeling how he was loosing her more and more each night that passed.

When he came back, they were all in the table.

"She left."

"Dude, we leave early tomorrow. Why did you let he-" obviously, Matt didn't like the idea of a crew member spending the night out when they had an early morning. But Noah didn't want to hear any of that.

"Stop with that bullshit" He cut him while he sat. "You can't tell me it's not my responsibility but then give me shit for her leaving"

Matt went quiet.

"Noah, you can talk to us."

And Noah let himself go. He spoke for minutes.

"And... The other night at the night station... There were these men... They wanted to hurt her. They were talking about taking her somewhere and... How drunk she was..."

Everyone in the table felt guilty. Abby was their friend, but even when Noah and her had a different bond, they were all together in this. They had left Noah carrying with her and her problems for too long.

"Noah..."

"I feel... I'm scared because she gets pissed drunk every night and leaves with someone else... And I'm scared something happens to her and I'm not there like I was in the gas station. If I had left the restroom a minute earlier I wouldn't have heard them and... "

"Hey, no. But you were there" Nicholas said.

"I'm not there now"

They all went quiet.

"Maybe it's time to talk to her" Folio muttered. "I miss her"

Everyone looked at the drummer.

Those words sounded on everyone's minds for the whole night. Eventually, they went back to the bus and to sleep. But with every little sound, Noah would wake up thinking she was already there. She was back. But she wasn't. The morning came and her bunk was empty. 7.30 am.

Noah was sitting outside with Nicholas and Bryan. The morning was fresh but nice. It was sunny and it warmed their cold cheeks. They were quiet, all of them thinking the same.

"Hey" Bryan muttered.

Away and walking slow, a figure was getting closer. Noah straightened his back and fisted his hands.

"She doesn't seem drunk" Bryan muttered.

Matt walked down the bus too.

As soon as was close enough to see her properly, Noah got up.

"Abby"

There was make up under her eyes and her hair was tied in a messy bun. He wondered if she had seen herself, if she had even checked a mirror.

On the side of her neck, there were various purple marks. But it didn't worry Noah. What worried him was pink shade of her cheek and marks over her throat. Those were definitely not love bites.

"Abby, what happened to you?"

Everyone else was frozen.

"Nothing" She wasn't drunk this time. But she couldn't look at him. "What are you talking about?"

Abby wanted to go inside and wash herself. Then, she would just hide in her bunk until they arrive to the next city.

"Abby, have you seen yourself?"

Noah tried to reach to her but for the first time ever, she moved away. Noah felt lost. That was it, right? The end.

"Noah, I'm perfectly fine. Mind your own business"

Nicholas stood up ready to cut that as soon as needed.

Noah's blood was boiling. He was so done.

"Perfectly fine?" He grabbed her jaw and arm and she closed her eyes. But it didn't feel like last night. Noah was careful. He was furious but still grabbed her with so much care. "Has someone hit you? Abby, this is serious. This are finger marks..." His thumb moved over the marks on her throat.

She was on the verge of tears, but she wouldn't give him that. She wouldn't give them the pleasure. She didn't want an I told you so. So she did what her mind told her it was the best. What she had been doing recently. She pushed things a bit more. She pushed them closer to ruin.

"What? Haven't to heard about hard sex before? Haven't you ever slapped a girl with your cock in her mouth? Didn't think of you as the vanilla guy, Noah"

The smile on her face made him want to vomit. This wasn't his Abby.

"Go inside, Abby" Nicholas put some distance between them. He was done with these bullshit. "Wash yourself. We leave soon"

Noah's hands fell to his sides. He was tired. He wanted to sleep for hours. He wanted to scream and hit something. He was exhausted but full of energy. There was a hurricane of thoughts in his mind. These marks, her smile, her hurtful words... They way she didn't seem to care about anything. He was tired of it all. He was getting tired of her.

Abby closed the door in that small cubicle they called toilet. With a look in the mirror she started crying. She felt awful, tired, dirty; she hated her guts, she was full of rage; she was purposefully destroying the best thing she had only because she was feeling things she couldn't deal with. It was overwhelming.

Maybe what Noah and Abby had was just a friendship. But years of touring together had developed a bond like no one else's in the whole crew. Noah only had eyes for Abby and Abby couldn't go through the day without Noah.

"Abbs" Folio's sweet voice made her stop crying.

"Yeah"

"Are you-"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Don't worry".

Folio leaned against the door. "We are all here for you"

She covered her mouth and silenced a sob.

"Just... Take your time. We'll be outside, okay?"

As soon as Folio left, she was her face and hid on her bunk. She wasn't brave enough to face anyone - specially Noah -, so she chose to leave that for Future Abby.

The pre-show was tense until Abby left the green room to go to her designated place. Then Noah seemed to relax a bit without her presence around.

They hadn't even look at each other in the whole day. Which everyone understood. They didn't want to pick sides, but everyone admited to be more on Noah's.

The show was good, apart from the signer forgetting the lyrics a couple of times. It had nothing to do with his eyes meeting Abby's. Nothing.

There was not a post show. They decided to crash on the bus.

But it was suffocating. Noah wouldn't look at her. Matt was cold. Nicholas was tense around her... She could list every single one of them. She had been sitting in silence for an hour. Noah was also there, but across the room. He was busy playing some cards and seemed relaxed - he was just good pretending he was fine. The air was warm and getting dense even though they had a couple of windows open. It was raining outside.

There was that thing on the back of her mind again. Scape. So she grabbed her phone and open that damn app. Five minutes later she already had a guy to busy her night. Without saying a word, she got up and disappeared in the toilet.

Everyone thought she just needed to use it. But then the door opened and she had changed her clothes and put some make up on. The bit marks had faded during the day, but not the finger marks. Her face wasn't really swollen or red anymore but she had put effort on covering it anyway.

Noah's response was automatic.

"Where are you going?"

Abby froze for long seconds. There were so many eyes on her.

"Out. I'm bored" She put that mask on again. She didn't care. She wanted to have fun. She wanted to enjoy herself. It had nothing to do with hiding those scary feelings. It wasn't a way to protect herself by just getting damaged.

"It's raining and we are in the middle of nowhere" Noah added.

"I called an Uber. It's almost here."

Noah got up and she felt small, like a little mouse in front of an enormous black cat.

"You can't go"

"I definitely can. Not your business." She moved to the door but Noah was faster.

He stood in the stairs blocking the door. Being some steps lower he had her on eye level.

"Noah, move"

"No"

The guys stayed in silence, there was a place to speak in there. It was just Noah and Abby.

"Noah" She groaned. She got a notification in her phone. "My Uber is here. I have to meet a guy in twenty minutes. Move"

"I'm not moving."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I care about you" He simply said.

He was calm. Way too calm. They had barely see him like this. It was disturbing.

"No, you don't. If you did you let me go"

That truly was the last drop. The air turned even thicker and Noah finally snapped.

"Don't dare to say shit like that again. Because I care. I care so damn much" He pointed a finger at her and Abby hugged herself.

She had fucked up, finally.

"If I didn't care about you I wouldn't have spent so many nights away thinking o where you were or wondering if you are okay. Because you keep getting drunk until you can't stand and then dissappear with the first person that answers your phone. And I have to stay here. I stay here and wait for you to come back every single night. And I wonder if you will. Because... Fuck. You leave and you don't tell us where you are going, alone, in an unknown city. God knows with who... And I don't know what they are capable of..." The gas station men popped back in his mind. "Well, I do. That's what scares me the most. You leave and then you come back covered in marks and with a swollen cheek and you say it's fine. But it's clearly not. Because you keep doing this to yourself. You are hurting yourself. You gent wasted every night, disappear, then come back the next morning stumbling through that damn door, you sleep for the whole day, work for a bit and then all over again. And I want to help you but I don't know how. Because I don't know how it started or when. I just know that this Abby who is destroying herlsef doesn't feel like my friend Abby."

Abby had starred crying at some point. She couldn't look at him in the eye because it was so scary to face the truth.

"It's obvious you are hurting and I wish I knew why. I have been this low too and I know how hard it is. I'm terrified something happened to you that lead you to this and I missed it." Noah stopped and took a deep breath. "I want to help you but I don't know how"

The guys were in silence. Noah's words fell over them like cold water. Folio even had to brush a tear away.

"And I really don't care with who you have sex. I just want you to be safe." Noah took a deep breath. "That's why you are not leaving tonight. I'm not letting you leave. And I don't care if I have to tie you to the chair. You are staying here tonight."

Abby was shaking and feeling to weak to stand on her own. That was it. There wasn't nothing to say. He was right. She wasn't fine, it wasn't okay, she had put herself in situations she wished she hadn't. Only because she had been so scared to acknowledge her feelings.

"Okay" She muttered.

Everyone sighed in relief. Nicholas let his head fall on the table, Matt on his hands. Jolly patted Folio, who had dropped a couple of tears again. Bryan had to look away, he wasn't used to see the drummer like this.

"Yeah?" Noah asked softly, his eyes full of hope.

"Yes"

The singer opened his arms for her and she didn't doubt. They hugged tight, Noah supporting almost her whole weight. Abby cried and cried, her shaky and weak body not being able to restrain the sobs anymore. Minutes passed and they eventually moved to the sofa.

Sweet Folio was quick, he went and covered her with a blanket.

"You must be cold"

"Thank you" She whispered. She felt awful in her clothes now. Clothes she had chosen only to be more attractive for a man she didn't know. But now the blanket and Noah's arms covered her. And he held her with so much care.

At some point she stopped sobbing and the room felt light enough that the guys resumed their cards game. There was music on the background and everyone was way more relaxed. Things wouldn't be easy, but for now they could only rest and forget about all for a second.

Noah kept repeating his words over and over again, beating himself for having been, maybe, too harsh.

"Noah" She whispered.

He looked down and cupped her cheek gently, brushing some tears again and fixing her hair.

"Mhm"

"I'm going to change, okay?"

"Of course, do you want to go to bed?"

She shrugged.

"I don't think I can sleep"

"That's fine. Just come back when you finish"

Abby nodded. When she sat, she looked at him and sighed. It was time to face reality. But for now she would rest. There was a long day tomorrow. She leaned and kissed his cheek.

Noah was blushing. He was blushing so hard when she left and closed the curtains that decided the bus.

He turned to look at the guys and then moved to sit next to them.

"You good?" Jolly asked.

Noah nodded. "I am. I feel better."

"Yeah, she is here" Folio added. They didn't see Abby in the same way, but she was too precious for them.

"Yeah"

"Will you tell her about..." Nicholas started.

"I will. Just... Not now" Noah pinched his hand. "But I will. It's worth it"

Nicholas smiled at his friend. When Abby was fine, months ago, he kept telling Noah about it. He wouldn't shut up. But Abby made his best friend happy and Nicholas only wanted the best for him.

They, being themselfs, didn't pay attention and never thought that the brown curtain didn't stop sound. And Abby was on the other side wondering what it all was about.

She reappeared a few minutes later on her pijamas and sat with them, finding a spot next to Noah and quickly asking if she could play.

"It's nice to have you back" Folio said after a while, making everyone smile.

The next morning came fast and she found herself following Noah to a coffee shop. They had stay awake with thst game for too long and everyone was in high need of caffeine.

Abby didn't leave his side for a minute.

"Abbs" He called her after finding a table. "Do you wanna sit for a bit?"

"The others..."

"They can wait"

Abby nodded, there was a conversation hanging in the air and it was the moment.

She sat in front of him and Noah grabbed his hands.

"I have been thinking and... I don't want to pressure you to tell me anything if you are not ready." He stated. "I was a bit harsh last night. And I'm sorry if anything I said hurt you"

"It's okay" She muttered. "Believe me it is. I was waiting for it to happen"

Noah frowned a bit.

"Noah... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."

"Abby, you did not... You don't have to..."

"I did it on purpose. I was feeling things and it got out of control so I... I became a bitch"

Noah closed his eyes for a second and grabbed her hands harder.

"Abby... I know you don't feel it like that but... This is a much bigger problem. This is something we need help with. For now... I'm just happy to have you back and to help you the best I can."

He didn't want her to blame herself because he knew how dark one's mind could get.

Abby blinked the tears away.

"Okay?"

She nodded and dried the tears.

"Noah... I..."

"Okay, breathe"

She took a deep breath and before speaking, she kissed his knuckles.

"I have to tell you something. Because I think it is what has led me to this"

Noah nodded. In the end, this was what he needed to know the most. He wanted to understand.

"I think I have feelings for you. But I don't want you to... I don't know. It's so confusing. I don't want yo to feel you have to do something or say something. But it's very scary because the last times I loved someone it ended in the worst way. And I am scared of going through this with you. Because you are so precious and important to me. You are not just some random guy. I know it's not a justification, but I wanted you to know"

Noah was speechless. He wanted to ask why she hadn't said anything, but he wasn't in a place to speak either.

"Abby... I'm sorry"

She closed her eyes. There it was, rejection.

"I'm sorry you felt like this. And I can't promise it won't end horribly. But I can promise you I will give everything I have to keep you close"

Abby took a deep breath, his words sinking slowly.

"Noah... What do you..."

"It's not time, I think we need you to get better first. But I have feelings for you too. I wish I had told you sooner, though"

A tear fell down her cheek and Noah leaned to brush it. His thumb nested on her cheek.

"Look at me"

She did. She couldn't look away even if she wanted to.

"We'll get through this. You have me and the guys. We are all here for you"

She thought of Folio's words and smiled. She turned her face and kissed his palm.

"Thank you" Her voice was weak, but Noah heard her perfectly.

"We all love you, okay? I love you"

She nodded. "I love you too, I wish it wasn't that scary"

"That's fine. It won't be soon"

She nodded.

"I can't have you right now, Noah. But I will get better"

"That's fine for me. I'll be here"

The bartender called his name and snapped their bubble. "Time to go, ready?"

"Yeah, I'll go to the toilet real quit"

Noah nodded and waited for her outside, it was sunny and he felt warm, but it was because of her. It hurt to hear her say this all had happen because of him - in some way-. But it had also given him hope. Hope because she wanted to get better.

"Hey Noah" She appeared with a shy smile. "I know what I said about waiting... But..."

He smiled at her awkwardness. "I'm waiting miss"

"A kiss? Maybe... If you want to, of course. I'm just... It's dramatic. But I'm dying for it"

Noah laughed and stepped closer to her, his hands were occupied with the coffee so he couldn't touch her. But he leaned and Abby found him halfway. Their lips touched for them first time and Abby felt herself blush. He was so soft when kissing. It didn't last much but they both pulled back smiling.

"Okay... That was really nice"

Noah chuckled. "I think I can give a few of those once in a while"

She nodded. "I'll be happy" she didn't let go of his face for a moment, forcing him to look at her.

"Sorry for hurting you. And for being mean"

Noah nodded. "I forgive you"

"Thank you"

Noah kissed her forehead.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, Matt texted me begging for the coffee."

Noah chuckled and started walking with her by his side. There was a scary walk in front of them, but for now this was more than enough to make him smile.

This one ended up being reaaally long for my liking so I had to part it. I'll be writing and posting the following parts soon. It won't be too long, probably 2-3 parts.

I hope you like it!!!

Part 2. Bring back the pieces.

[the-common-cowgirl]

Greater of Two Evils -Part 3

Summary: When you’re unable to share your brother’s happiness, you end up in the hospital. All hope is lost when the greater of the two evils in your life comes to your “rescue.”

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Aemond Targaryen/Reader

Warnings: DD;DNE, Modern AU, Non-Con/Dub-Con (heavier on non-con), Physical Violence to Reader (choking, manhandling), Mentions of injuries to reader, Feelings of hopelessness, Elitism, Forced Pregnancy, Forced Proximity, Breeding/Pregnancy Kink, Non-Consensual Arranged/Fabricated Relationship, Dom vibes, Rough/Painful sex, Unprotected sex

Word Count: 5K

A/N: Quick reminder that this is a dark fic! Reading dark fics in a modern setting can feel more real so please, read the warnings carefully before reading further!

Masterlist

A week passed with no so little as a text from Aemond. With your current condition, you weren’t sure if the silence on his end was a good thing or not. Sure, you looked up other options. A way out. A way to terminate the pregnancy… but then Aemond’s words loomed over you like a dark cloud. Coming back to you all at once, the second you even thought about escaping him.

“-your entire family and most of all, your brother is ruined. I have my finger on the trigger right now.”

What could you do? What should you do? Aemond hadn’t contacted you in over a week. Maybe he just wanted to scare you and leave? Forget about you. Oh Gods, you hoped he had forgotten about you.

Your brother nearly pranced into the kitchen, opening the fridge to grab a drink. From your  vantage point on the couch, he looked happy, giddy. You tried to hide further behind your laptop, pretending to be busy with the schoolwork you should be doing and not stressing over anything. 

Don’t give him a reason to be suspicious of you.

“Hey! Wanna hear some great news?” He interrupted your act at homework.

You sighed and shut your laptop on your lap, looking up to your brother with thinly veiled disdain. “Sure.”

If he noticed your discontent, he did not speak on it. “That trade deal, last week, remember? I was trying to get through parliament? It passed!” He smiled widely toward you, as if that was a reason you should be ecstatic too.

Your lips formed a crooked smile, trying to hide the fact that you did not care nor did you see the reason you should. “Huh, that’s great.” Then you remembered, a week expired memory of Aemond telling you that he blocked the trade deal flashed in your memory and your blood ran cold. 

Why did it pass? What did he want now? Was I wishfully thinking this was over?

Your brother’s smile faltered, “Shouldn’t you be excited? That’s a win for us.”

He snapped you out of your spiraling dread. “Us?” You looked up to your brother, slight anger rising in your heart though you were too afraid to show it.

He nodded, moving closer to you, towering over you on the couch. “Look at what I’m doing for this family. Be grateful for my sacrifices. Do you know how many nights I stayed up past midnight trying to speak to my connections in parliament to get the trade deal to pass? Do you know what this means for us? For me?”

He speaks of sacrifices as if he was the sacrificial lamb I am.

You narrowed your eyes up at him, feeling emboldened by the anger bubbling up inside you. Your brother had no clue what it was like to sacrifice…anything. So he lost sleep? So what. You lost your sense of self, your dignity, your freedom. And again, all he lost was sleep.

“Honestly, I don’t care what a trade deal means for you. I don’t care how it’ll boost your standing in the company.” Your brother looked shocked at your words, you continued to glare up at him. “Because you don’t give a shit about me. I lost all respect for you when I realized you had none for me.”

Your brother stuttered, looking shocked. “I’ve given you everything. I love you.”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “You have a fucked up way of showing it-”

Before you could realize what had happened, your brother grabbed your wrist and painfully jerked you up to your feet, although, you were not prepared to stand and lost your footing once he let you go, falling to the group, hitting your head on the glass coffee table and shattering it underneath you. Your laptop that was on your lap fell amidst the shuffle and your weight landed on the top of it. 

Once you realized what happened, you felt blood trickling down your head, wrist, forearm. Your brother paid no attention, leaning over you, so close to your face as he spat angrily, “You are nothing without me.” He grabbed the already bruising wrist and jerked your body closer, scraping along the glass. “No one in this family is anything without me. Never forget that.” His voice was low, possessive, demonic. He shoved your wrist away and walked from the scene he had caused. 

You were left in the living room, trying to make sense of what happened and what you should do. You looked at the wrist he had grabbed, now turning purple and swollen. You felt the blood falling from your head to the white, fur rug that was underneath the shattered coffee table’s frame. You went through the motions numbly, standing up, grabbing your phone, laptop, walking into your bedroom and grabbing your wallet, stuffing those three belongings in your school bag and walked out the door. 

You knew you needed to seek medical attention, feeling the faint sting of your wrist breaking the absolute numbness you felt, and alongside that stinging, you began to feel dizzy. You called an Uber, thankful the driver didn’t ask questions or speak as you stared ahead after directing him to Sunspear Foundation Hospital. You only answered the questions they needed to know, the nurses, remaining quiet when three nurses came in and asked you if you were in a domestic abuse situation, asking if you knew you were pregnant from the mandatory pregnancy test you had to take upon arrival. When the social worker came in, she asked if you were safe at home.

Were you? No. Did you tell them the truth? No.

A nurse knocked on the door, the sting in your wrist still painful as you were denied all pain killers due to your condition, instead, you moved to sit up, using the non-swollen wrist. “Come in,” you said meekly.

She stepped in, just barely, trepidation in her proximity. “Uh miss? I have a visitor here for you-”

You furrowed your brows at her, wondering who would even know you’re here-

Aemond appeared from behind the nurse and moved to thank her before shutting the door to your room and looking down at your bandaged self lying in a hospital gown. His remaining eye was hard to read, he was hard to read. He set you on edge and given what had just happened, you knew the monitor connected to your finger sensed your pulse quicken. 

He glanced up to the rising numbers and decided then, to sit down next to you. Eye raking over your bandages without even a hint to what he was thinking, feeling. Being near him set you on edge. And the question you didn’t need answering popped in your mind.

How did he know I was here.

In theory, you knew. You knew he was well connected. You knew he had eyes on you. You knew that he always knew what you were up to. But here? Even at a hospital you couldn’t escape his eye.

“Who did this to you?” His voice was even, cold, deep. It terrified you.

“Um-” You began, for some reason wanting to protect your brother. It was unfortunately second-nature for you at this point.

“Don’t fucking ‘um’ me. Was it that wastrel you consider a sibling?” His voice was no longer even, it had an edge to it. It reminded you of the movies, when the man who loved the woman saw her hurt and was ready to kill for her given the word. It would have been romantic….if it wasn’t Aemond. 

“Yeah,” you croaked, moving your uninjured hand to your bandaged wrist to play with the bindings. “He- He didn’t mean-”

“I don’t fucking care if he meant to or not, you’re not allowed there again.” 

You looked at him, truly looked at him for the first time in a week. He was still in his suit. It looked like he had just come out of a parliament session. His hair was pulled into a low ponytail behind his head, only a few strands had been pulled out. His tie looked like it had been previously tight, now loose. He looked like he was slightly disheveled, not a usual look for him.

Did he drive all the way from King’s Landing once he found out I was in the hospital? Did he care about me? Was he worried?

You shook those ideas from your head as quickly as they came. Aemond was not a man to care about anything.

He’s worse than your brother. He’s another shark. You’re just another small fish in his pond.

“Do you hear me?” His voice cut through your thoughts, you hadn’t realized he had been talking. Blame it on blood loss or sleep deprivation at this point. Blame your attention span and your wild thoughts on both please. Blame both on anything but a sound mind. “You’re staying at my flat in Dorne until the wedding.”

You furrowed your brows, “No I’m not. I’m going home.” Blame your boldness on both too. Your heart sank as you realized what you had said, now growing anxious at the reparations you would pay for speaking back.

His eye remained neutral. “I’m not letting you go back there. Not after what he did to you.”

Why do you even care?

“Besides, It’ll give me more time to see you-” He tried to reach his hand up to grasp your uninjured one but there was another knock at the door. You told whomever it was to come in and Aemond’s embrace left your hand thankful as the doctor stepped into the room. She explained you had a sprained wrist, along with other minor cuts that would heal hopefully without scars thankfully to her using medical glue instead of stitches.

Finally, she smiled at the two of you as if you were a happy couple, giddy with joy at the prospect of a child. Maybe Aemond was…. But she told you that she went ahead and scheduled your follow up with a midwife in three days from now. “I know it’s a bit early for you to see them, but given the events of today, I’d like you to get started on your appointments with the prenatal care providers to ensure that both you and baby,” she pointed to your flat stomach underneath the hospital gown, it made you want to hurl, “are alright.”

She stood and shook your uninjured hand, then Aemond’s as he thanked her happily. She informed you both that the discharge nurse would be around quickly and you could leave then get some “much needed rest.” Dread pooled in your stomach as you realized you wouldn’t be able to rest where you were going, into the jowls of the beast.

The discharge nurse was quick, Aemond was quicker to help you out of your hospital gown (thankfully not bare to him as you kept your underwear and bra on), and he diligently, like an obedient and sweet partner, led you through the hospital, out into the warm night to where his black sports car sat parked. Even like a gentleman, he opened the door for you to sit. His engine roared to life, you glanced into the backseat, remembering the position he had you in a week ago on that leather fabric. 

On top, pretending I was in charge, much like right now. Though, I’m never in charge right? It’s only the facade.

His flat was fifteen or so minutes from the hospital, maybe five from your brother's. It was big and spacious, much like your brother’s expensive flat. But where your brother had the flat furnished bright and modern, Aemond had his furnished dark, old academia style. It screamed “Old Money” and you nearly laughed at how drastically different Aemond and your brother were while also sharing a single central attribute; they were both terrible people.

“You are sleeping in here tonight,” Aemond walked through a doorway to a bedroom, assuming you would follow… and you did. You looked around the dark bedroom, a King sized bed in the middle topped with dark coverings. There was a bathroom and walk-in closet off of it. It was a master suite. It was Aemond’s room. He deposited your school bag beside the bed. “I see you didn’t bring anything but a broken laptop and your wallet. You’ll need clothes.”

You fidgeted with your clothes you had on now. They were comfortable, you could sleep in them but Aemond walked into the closet, turning on the light and stifled through his clothes. You knew he wasn’t going to give you space. He’d force you to sleep in the same bed with him in his own clothes. He owned you. He knew you were too scared to say one simple word: ‘no.’ 

He walked out of the closet with a large T-shirt. It had a band’s name on it. “Here,” he offered and you took it. 

That was it… a t-shirt.

“In the morning, we can order you more clothes for here but for now, you can sleep in this.”

“Clothes for here.” He’s serious about me staying.

A chill ran up your spine, uneasiness rose in your throat.

Just for tonight, you told yourself. He can’t hold me captive. 

You looked over at Aemond who disappeared into the bathroom. From your vantage point, you could see him stripping his fine clothes in the wall length mirror and folding his clothes and setting them atop the hamper. You thanked the Gods he kept his dark boxers on.

Or can he? Fuck. What will he do if I don’t stay?

The word stay echoed in your mind, remembering the time in your childhood where you were teaching your Northern Riverlands Waterdog to stay. He was one, you were nine. He’s dead now… he stayed, obediently; as you commanded… in the Riverlands until his death. Was that your fate with Aemond? Pliant? Agreeable? Quiet? Like an obedient hound?

As Aemond emerged back into the bedroom, towering over you, you gulped your fear down and the truth of it all came bubbling up.

If I don’t change, if I dont stick up for myself… that answer is yes. 

“Are you going to change?” Aemond asked, breaking you from your haze. You looked up to him, briefly wondering if he heard your thoughts until you remembered the t-shirt you were grasping for dear life in your uninjured hand. 

“Uh…yeah.” You stepped past him, making your way to the bathroom. You shut the door behind you, breathing a sigh of relief that Aemond allowed you to have privacy to change. You pulled your shirt off as quickly as you could with a sprained wrist, wincing slightly as the soft fabric of your shirt drug along some of the wounds that were bandaged. Your shorts came off easier. You kept your underwear and bra on and managed to get into his shirt. The shirt was large, you swam in it, however, it barely reached past your bottom and anxiety crept up your neck as you realized  how much skin you were going to bare to his prying eye. 

Slowly unlocking the door and stepping out of the bathroom, Aemond was already sitting in the bed, his legs hidden underneath the dark covers as his back rested against the headboard. He looked over to you, eye raking up and down your body as you stared ahead to the place next to him where he intended you to sleep. Your words to yourself came flooding back into your mind.

If I don’t change, nothing will.

“I don’t feel comfortable sleeping in your bed tonight.” You mustered up all the courage you could possess, forcing yourself to make eye contact with him. He only scoffed and threw the coverings over his legs off. Standing up and striding toward you like a predator and you, prey. You felt the urge to cower given the happenings of today but you fought the urge. Before you knew what was happening though, Aemond grabbed around your waist, hoisting you over his shoulder. You kicked against his stomach to no avail, tried hitting his back until you remembered your wrist was sprained and sharp jolts of pain shot up your arm. You croaked in pain, trying to grab your wrist instinctively but before you could grasp it, Aemond threw you into the soft plushness of the bed: where he intended you to sleep. 

He moved to hover over you but you kicked up at him angrily. He dodged your foot, grabbing it mid-kick and gripped your ankle tightly, mirroring your brother several hours ago, yet not as harsh. He glared down at you, and you up at him. Emboldened by your fear, fueled by courage you were forcing. You wanted to spit in his face; you had half a mind to do it. Aemond glanced down, an idea flashing across his features and before you could act to defend yourself he reached down and ripped your lacy bikini bottom underwear from your core, exposing you now that the shirt was bunched up around your waist. He let go of your leg and stepped two paces backward, eye still drawn on you as he held your torn underwear in one hand. “Consider that your punishment for thinking, even for a second, I’d let you out of my sight.” Making you sleep without underwear as a punishment; what did that mean for you?

You scoffed and pulled the dark comforter over your lower half to cover yourself and Aemond started walking around the bed toward his side. “Seems like an easy thing to do considering you’re lacking half,” you mumble as you turn on your side, back to Aemond and pull the covers all the way to your neck.

“What did you say?”

Your blood runs cold, you hadn’t realized he had heard your snark but he did…and his tone was dangerous.

You feel the bed dip a split second before you feel his hand roughly grab your shoulder to pull you onto your back and face him. All your courage and anger wiped from you as you stare up, wide-eyed at his expression; one akin to hatred. 

“What. Did. You. Just. Say.” He grits out between clenched teeth. You think momentarily that he might slap or punch you as a hand behind his head slowly raises but that notion in your head dissipates as the hand closes around your neck; constricting oxygen and blood flow. You reach up to remove his hand with your injured and uninjured hands, clawing at him but he does not move. Your head starts becoming light. 

“I was going to be a gentleman tonight, give you the rest you so deserve… but it seems you’re in need of a lesson.”

You can barely register the words as your vision starts to become blurry. Just as you’re certain you’re about to pass out, Aemond releases your throat. You cough, sputtering up and drooling as your eyes glaze over in tears. You run a hand along your throat and the skin is painful to the touch. You’re unaware of Aemond as you try to recover your body from the blood and oxygen loss to your brain. You feel dizzy still, the feeling is not ebbing. Absent-mindedly, you try to sit up in search of a deeper breath and Aemond takes advantage of your upright position to rip his shirt off you, unclasping your bra and throwing it behind him, into the void of the room. 

You feel his hands on your breasts and realize he’s still kneeling on the bed in front of you, slotted between your legs covered by the comforter still. You move to push his hands away from you but he grabs your wrists in one hand and pushes you against the bed. 

“Be a good girl and take your punishment willingly. I might even give you some rest tonight if you’re good.” His fiery breath is on the shell of your ear and your eyes are screwed shut in pain as his grip on your sprained wrist sends jolts of torture through your body. You squeal hoarsely at it and he takes notice, releasing your wrists. “Keep your wrists above your head and that won’t happen again.” You nod without hesitation, thankful for the pain to begin to fade. 

Aemond’s hand engulfs your right breast. You feel him kneading it in his large palm, then flicking his tongue against your nipple until it stiffens to a peak. His tongue is nice, soft and warm. Maybe if you thought about that, softness, you’d enjoy it - what’s to come. He moves to the other breast, repeating the action until both of your breasts appear to his liking. He sits back, marveling at your bare chest. “Open your eyes.”

You can’t do it, can’t obey. Your eyes remain screwed shut.

You hear him scoff, most likely rolling his eye as you feel him move just beneath the covers to the apex of your thighs and slapping you harshly on your bare center. You whimper and give in, opening your eyes. He’s clad only in his boxers, just as he was before he choked you but for some reason, seeing Aemond towering over you in only his boxers makes fear gnaw on your nerves. You look up from the tent in his boxers to his face. His remaining pupil is black now; he looks like a demon, here to steal your soul.

“I am going to fuck you,” he says simply, slipping out of his boxers and discharding them beside the bed. “You’re going to thank me for servicing you so well, understood?” You look down to the ruddy tip, leaking of precum, straining hard against his own skin; like a caged beast.

“Understood?” His tone was one of a teacher or a parent after scolding a child. You looked up to him and nodded; unsure if you didn’t want it at all or wanted him to shove that glorious cock into you. 

No, no you definitely don’t want that. 

“You’ll also thank me for giving you my lineage.” He moved the comforter from your lower half, exposing your entire body to him. “Not every woman gets to carry a Targaryen in their womb. You should be honored.” He slotted himself between your legs, bending them at the knee and spitting down to your core. This would have been a hot, passionate coupling if he hadn’t been Aemond and if he hadn’t just said what he did. 

You pushed the back of your head deeper into the pillows, wanting to escape this hellscape as you slowly came to your senses. Everything came back to that fucking thing.

He ran the rigid edges of his cock along your pussy, up to your clit. It sent sparks along your belly but died before they could ignite anywhere else. Your fire was burnt out, any semblance of arousal died the second he reminded you that he put his semen inside of you and that it unfortunately took root. 

His aching cock caught along your entrance and he pushed against your rejecting walls. You knew he was well endowed, the biggest you’d ever taken, but gods, you hadn’t realized just how large his cock was until you didn’t want it. Maybe the fact your walls tried to push him out made him seem larger than he was but you nearly screamed when the head of him pressed harshly against the wall of your cervix. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, pulling out slightly, only to push into your refusing cunt again. You whimpered against his second push. His body fell to encompass your own, burying his head into the skin of your neck, breathing his flames against your artery. 

“You should really give in to me. It’ll make it a lot easier for you-”

“Why,” you bit out against his ear without much breath, “you’re going to fuck me anyways. Why do you care?”

Aemond raised, just enough for you to see his smirk and eye over your pained expression. “You’re absolutely right.”

His hips snapped harshly against you, stealing the breath from your lungs. You felt cramping begin in your abdomen from how harshly he had begun to take you. “Gentle-” you pleaded as you screwed your eyes shut and pushed his chest with your uninjured hand. “Please.”

You heard him huff above you, “Why? Like you said, I’m going to fuck you anyway. Why should I be gentle for you when this,” He accentuated that word with a thrust that made your whole body freeze in pain. Your muscles when taut and he half-moaned. “This is what I want. How I need it. How I like it.”

You pushed harder against the smooth, solid planes of his chest, “I- I’m carrying your child-” It was the first time you said it out loud, first time you admitted to yourself the truth you couldn’t bear. Now, more than ever, felt like a great time to make it an excuse. “Please- be gentle with me.” 

Your voice was so small, cracked with emotion as tears began to form in your scrunched waterline… but it got the message across.

Aemond stopped completely, still nestled inside of you. He felt your walls ease as he ran a hand up the curves of your body, stopping with his hand cradled along your ribcage. Your eyes softened until you felt the urge to look up at him through your tears. His expression was soft, contemplating over your nude figure.

He leaned down, taking your breast in his mouth, groping at the base near your sternum gently. You felt another hand more to your clit, gentle pressure moving along the pearl. 

His sudden change surprised you but nothing caught you off guard more when his head moved up from your breast to your face and kissed your parted lips hungrily. Tongue slipping past your lips. It was awkward, you didn’t kiss him back, still shocked at his sudden change. 

He pulled from your mouth, rutting gently now into your walls that had begun accepting him with his ministrations. “I’m sorry,” he kissed your neck, “you’re my delicate river. I do need to be careful with you.”

You furrowed your brows, looking sideways at him. Scared to speak but also so confused, “I’m not yours, Aemond.”

He smiled and kissed you again, hand moving down to your stomach. “You’re carrying a part of me inside of you. I’m with you, always. How are you not mine?”

You turned your head away, trying to escape the gnawing pleasure that was now betraying your body. Aemond moved his head to your hair; silver locks intertwining with the falsely dark locks of your own dyed head. “You’re so perfect. You always have been, haven't you?”

He angled his hips to brush against your spot, you felt your body betraying you, allowing him into your most intimate part now with grace and fever. Your walls relaxed completely, growing wetter and wetter. You felt your heartbeat quicken, perspiration began to pool on your forehead. 

“C’mon sweet girl,” he tweaked with your nipple, “give in to me.”

“You’re a monster,” you breathed quickly between the pants you were trying to conceal.

“Y’know you love it. Even if I am.”

“You are.”

He hummed to himself, rising up and hitching one of your legs over his shoulder, reaching deeper than before. Still playing with your clit as his thrusts became quicker but still gentle. “Then what does that make you then, huh?” He smirked from above you, “Because gods- the way your cunt is starting to clench around me, I know you’re liking my cock, loving it. You love this extension of me, you wanton whore.” His words were brash, harsh…but he spoke in reverence. “Gods-” he moaned, “and I’ll teach you to not just love this extension of me, but all of me.”

You felt your peak nearing but not being able to reach the summit as his bed-room talk was absolutely insane. “I’ll never love you.” 

Your breasts bounced along with his thrusts, he smiled down at them in reverie before his lone eye met yours. “Keep telling yourself that, my beautiful river. See who wins.”

He pinched your clit harshly and thrusted up into you with a gentle fever that had you tumbling over the edge. You saw stars as your back arched off of the bed. Body and mind betraying you as you gave in to him. Your cunt clamping down on his member and your blissed out expression, along with a half-scream you weren’t aware you made had him toppling over the edge, hips faltering in their pistoning as he shot his load against your already seeded womb.

Panting, he laid gently atop you, caging you in with his sweaty body as he came down from his high. His hand came up to caress your hair. He began planting sweet, chaste kisses on the side of your face. No, no they would have been sweet if they weren’t from Aemond but your mind dissociated as his softening cock still laid within you, his lips on your face, his hand in your hair…his child in your womb. 

You kept thinking about what he called you, during the act.

“My beautiful river.”

At least he saw you for what you were. Your roots, your homeland, your personality.

A river flows, leaves where and who it once was, changes course, cuts through the land unapologetically. 

You took a deep breath, staring into the abyss of Aemond’s dark room.

Be a river.

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[joels-darlin]

Dear Diary...

Pairings: pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x reader, CEO!Joel (sort of)

Warnings: angst, hurt, sadness, Joel has been an ass basically.

Summary: Joel Miller broke your heart. So it's time to do what you do what know best - dust off the diary from the top drawer of your bedside table and put pen to paper.

Word count: 771

Author Note: This one is already up on AO3 but reposting here as I originally deleted it. I also had an idea in my head for a banner so went with it. This is not beta read, if anyone wants to volunteer please let me know! <3

Original Author notes: I am back...sort of! Always wanted to write for CEO!Joel and my original idea just never got off the ground, then this came along. I am unsure if there will be more 'entries' - there are many ideas floating around my head right now for this fic. I guess stay tuned and we will see where this goes! Read on AO3!

Chapter 1: Brokenhearted ~ ~

Dear Diary, Its been awhile since we crossed paths, I left you collecting dust in the drawer for a few months and I’m sorry. For a while life was good, I felt happy. There was no urge to scribble away my deepest and darkest thoughts, I had someone who could take them away instead. His arms a place I considered to be at peace. But here we are again: putting pen to paper. Because everything fell down the steep slippery slope again and this is how I cope best.

Where do I even begin?

Oh wait I know, the coffee shop. The unexpected run-in that was once a happy memory, now tainted. Little did I know the moment I locked eyes with those chocolate brown orbs I was done for. We had our first date a week later, then 10 months he would go running back.

In the midst of all this I am the one that is dealing with the loss. Not just his presence but my routine. Weekends spent curled up in the comfy chairs at the back of that coffee shop, book in hand, a cappuccino and pastry for company. I could spend hours there. But I’ve not been back since, its too difficult. Joel, you have ruined that for me - I hope you are happy.

I’ve never felt loved by anyone. Joel made me feel special. Pouring all my energy into this…relationship? situationship? What would you even call it? it was never the topic of conversation. But those three words were spoken, I remember it clear as day. In the back of my mind there was hope: would I spend the rest of my life with this man? Had I finally found the one?

Everything seemed so right. But no that was not to be. That random Monday in December, the words engrained into my brain forever: “We can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry but…I still love her”

Her meaning his ex-wife, the one he divorced over 12 months ago.

Then it all came pouring out. Those times he backed out on or date nights or phone calls. Told me he was working late to meet deadlines or having client catch-ups. And I stupidly believed him - why you ask? because I understood being the CEO of your own company comes with huge responsibilities. But instead he was meeting her for dinner, drinks and god knows what else. I don’t even want to even comprehend to be perfectly honest. The worst of it? All those broken and empty promises I will never be able to forgive him for. I hope they are happy together.

It’s been a week since that day and everything still feels raw. It’s difficult to describe the feeling of heartache. That crushing weight on your chest making itself known on every breath. The heavy feeling in your heart at the memories that once were. Constant swirling pit of anxiety in your stomach, making things such as eating a chore. Not forgetting the racing thoughts. Overthinking every last moment of what happened these past few months - was it me? what did I do wrong? did you ever really love me? I can’t even begin to tell you how many hours of sleep have been lost. How many nights I’ve spent crying into my pillow, wishing the pain to simply go away. I probably deserved this.

The thoughts are at their loudest when I am alone, there are only so many distractions one can find - even if just for a short period of time. It all plays over and over in my head like a constant film reel. every kiss, every subtle, loving touch and well…every time we laid together. All of this now gone and only a distant memory, he is no longer mine to call. I am in a constant state of anxiety, waiting…just waiting for my phone to ping at any given moment with a message from him. But it will never happen.

I guess now the hard work is to come, attempting to move on from someone you had the deepest of connections with. At the end of the day it wasn’t just on a romantic level it ran so much deeper than that. We shared a common ground for many things: music, books, sports even down to beer! There was no-one else I could sit in the same room with, the two of us doing completely different things, but also feel at peace.

I love him…simple as that. but what pains me the most? I don't regret many things but looking back, he could be one of them.

[neverenoughmarauders]

HP canon debater & canon fanfics writer

I am in my 30s, genderfluid - she/they - Scandinavian, but live in the UK, and I am a long COVIDer/CFS/ME and lifelong PoTSer!

On this blog, I am (mostly) a canon-compliant Marauder fanfic writer - who likes to discuss the canon. I mostly ship canon (especially JILY!!!, Hinny, Romione, Tedromeda, Remadora) because I am boring, but I adore Prongsfoot and Sebinis, and I’m not anti most non-canon ships if they are true to their canon characterisation.

I will argue and discuss canon with anyone who's interested. If you don't care about canon, fine, but you and I probably won't enjoy each other's posts very much.

I don’t support JKR’s views (Read: I AM EXTREMELY ANTI HER VIEWS). I regularly question whether I should just abandon the fandom because of her (I have stayed away in the past), but then again, I have a strong emotional attachment to these fictional characters.

My fanfictions:

When we were up to no good - long fic that aims to be a canon compliant interpretation of the marauders - obsessively so, if I might add.

Never saw one without the other: a collection of one shots obsessing over Sirius and James' relationship

First betrayal - first ever fanfic - Jily (borderline Jilypads). Set during the first war as Lily discovers she's pregnant

Jily microfics

When we were up to no good

This long fic consists of 4 parts, and was me very much wanting more fics that are consistent with canon as per this post.

Part 1: I solemnly swear

Quote: 'No friendship is an accident'

We meet our cast of heroes age 11 and follow them as they become the dear friends we know them to be. James and Snape become sworn enemies. This part ends shortly after the big discovery.

Part 2: Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.

Quote: 'The best memories come from bad ideas with best friends'

The boys really become that tight-night group we like to call the marauders: they set out to become animagi; Sirius and James become the popular, bullying gits we see in the Pensieve; the Whomping Willow incident happens and this part ends shortly after Snape's worst memory.

Part 3: Mischief Managed.

Quote: 'They say I changed a lot. I say a lot changed me' 

The war has always been in the background, but it's at this point our story takes a darker turn. The Marauders face their last two years of Hogwarts, James does some serious growing up, becomes Head Boy - and of course, starts dating Lily Evans. This ends with our heroes graduating Hogwarts.

Part 4: Until the very end.

Quote: ' Let us live, since we must die' 

One Order, a wedding, two childbirths, one prophecy, lots and lots of death, and one big, heart-breaking betrayal.

[tommydarlings]

☆ M Y P A T R E O N ☆

I will update it everytime as soon as i post and my fics will be listed from oldest ( top ) to newest ( bottom)! ✍ 

Every single one is x female reader but of course everyone is welcome here ⚤

Smut  ➯  everyone is there then aged up to 18 or + ☮

*All of those works mentioned below are exclusive works on my patreon and none of them is a sneak peek, early access or shortened version!

main masterlist <3

my ko-fi to support me! ✧ my PayPal to support me! ✧ Save a Life carrd made by me!

If my 'support me links' shouldn’t be working, please click here! ✧ Why am I doing Patreon?

HELP OTHERS!!!

Enjoy reading and stay safe, ily liz <3 🎬

———————————————————————

key:

☁  = fluff           ☯ = angst          ♡ = smut       ✰ = favorite       ♫  = song 

———————————————————————

C.L & C.S - Don’t tell my dad | ♡ [1.5k]

Summary: your last name 'Wolff' definitely sparked some driver's interest on the grid, especially the one from the two Ferrari driver's Charles and Carlos.

A.B - My brother's best friend | ♡ [1.3k]

Summary: when you saw your brother's best friend at your doorstep after the night he made you squirt, you didn’t expect to be face fucked by him later on in the room right next to your brother's.

S.V - blue tie | ♡ [2.1k]

Summary: Detective Vettel really wants the informations that only you and your dear friend knows of, so he fucks them out of in a quite interesting way.

A.B - Mr.Butler | ♡ [1.4k]

Summary: you actually just wanted to bring your boss the paperwork for today's meeting, instead, you were forced to crawl under the table and help your boss in some other way.

A.B - 5 minute break | ♡ [2.3k]

Summary: after your wild activity with your boss in the meeting room, you just couldn’t keep you hands to yourself, and your boss makes you pay for that in a very obvious way.

C.S - Fuck me please | ♡ [1k]

Summary: you just really want Carlos to fuck you but he won’t do that until he can make sure that you have eaten enough, so he is first shoving the food into your mouth and the his fingers.

A.B - Unloveable little thing | ♡ [1.6k]

Summary: after your nasty breakup with your ex-boyfriend Austin, you expected and also hoped that you would never see him again but oh were you wrong…

T.W - take it all | ♡ [0.8k]

Summary: you really wanted to satisfy Toto and take him all the way, as you struggled a bit, your loving boyfriend kind of helped you.

C.L - Come Home | ☯☁️ [1.3k]

Summary: you just wanted to have your 'lana del ray moment' but you never expected to meet your past lover while doing that.

A.B - Tastes so good | ♡ [0.9k]

Summary: Austin looooooves to eat you out and he gladly shows you that, pretty messily and wildly.

A.B - I care about you | ♡ [0.5k]

Summary: you never though that you would be so dumb and fall for one of austin's manipulative tricks, but here we are.

B.H - Promise? | ♡ [1.3k]

Summary: you really thought that you could hide the fact that you once faked two of your orgasms while you had sex with billy, but you clearly forgot that billy is quiet the smart ass… with anger issues and lots of pride and he makes sure that you never lie to him again.

B.H - Shut up and cry | ♡ [0.7k]

Summary: you just couldn’t be quiet when billy was fucking you, but your brothers best friend didn’t like that one bit.

A.B - baywatch | ♡ [1.8k]

Summary: you were actually just looking for a bikini or swimsuit that you could wear when you are in Spain with Austin and you haven’t expected the night to end with him threatening you to spank your ass so much until it got the same shade as your red swimsuit.

C.L - Under the Table | ♡ [1.3k]

Summary: you really though that your oh so nice boyfriend just wants to catch up with your brothers, but instead he just wanted an excuse for you to wear that short dress and make you cum under the table.

A.B - Good Night | ♡ [1.5k]

Summary: After being forced to date THE Austin butler, who’s really mean to you, by your PR team, you two have to share a hotel room with only one bed in it… what’s supposed to happen there then?

A.B - Good Morning | ♡ [1.6k]

Summary: After your 'interesting' night with the men you're just supposed to fake date, you started to wonder why he didn’t kiss you, and after the two of you went on a little café date, where you had to impress a few fans, you were even more confused.

A.B - red cheeks and a wet face | ♡

Summary: Lots of crying and spanking

C.S - red lipstick | ♡ [0.9k]

Summary: You already predicted that your boyfriend, Carlos, would like your red lipstick… But what you didn’t predict is that he would like it so much that he has to ruin it and make it all smudgy.

A.B - don’t worry sweetheart | ♡☁️ [1.1k]

Summary: After giving birth to your baby boy, Elvis, Austin and you had to quit doing a few things, for an example, sex… but after almost 4 months of no fucking 'till the sun came up, austin had enough.

C.L - good girl | ♡ [1.1k]

Summary: Charles shows you just how much of a good girl you really are for him.

C.S - Red Racing Suit | ♡ [0.6k]

Summary: After behaving like a brat all day towards the Spanish Ferrari driver you secretly hook up with, he shows you after the race just how he treats little, nasty brats like you.

C.L - Ratatouille | ♡ [0.9k]

Summary: Suprisingly, Charles took a big liking in cooking… but what suprised you even more were the thoughts that entered his mind as soon as he saw the wooden cooking spoon.

A.B - I’ll never be yours | ♡ [1.2k]

Summary: Austin and you were no good for each other, the two of you hated each other but you were foolish and desperate for his touch, so you just couldn’t stay away from him.

C.S - Sobbing mess | ♡ [0.7k]

Summary: Carlos hates when you're acting like a brat towards him, but he knows exactly how to make you regret everything.

C.S - The good kind of pain | ♡ [1.2k]

Summary: The Spanish formula one driver doesn’t care that you're his boss’s daughter, but what he definitely does care about is the fact that you have a pain kink.

M.V - Bratty mouth | ♡ [0.8k]

Summary: Mad max showing you again what happens if you talk back and can’t shut your bratty mouth.

C.L - You’re never gonna leave me | ☯

Summary: Charles being utterly obsessed with you and crazy for you, in the sickest way possible.

C.L - Number 16 in purple on my throat | ♡☁️

Summary: When Ferrari's golden boy asked you out on a date, you happily agreed, not knowing that the night would end with you being no virgin anymore and Charles slightly threatening you.

C.L - Fucked my way up to the top | ☯

Summary: Sadly you were not able to push your toxic ex boyfriend, Charles Leclerc, out of your life — and especially not out of your embrace.

C.L - hotel | ♡ ☯ ☁️

Summary: Charles Leclerc hates your brother max verstappen, which doesn’t mean that he hates you too…because he really likes you actually to your surprise.

S.V - Blue Jeans | ☯ ♫

Summary: Sebastian is obsessed with you, he dearly loves you like nobody else ever could and he shows you that in a very sickening way but in the end you realise that you will always love him and that you have nobody else than him. (entirely based off of the song 'Blue Jeans' by Lana del Rey)

C.S - attention seeking | ♡

Summary: Carlos hates it when you’re acting like an attention seeking brat, so he teaches you a little lesson to remember by simply ignoring while you are on your knees for him.

S.V - Throw away the key | ☯️

Summary: him getting jealous over you talking to a guy and threatening you in a very dark and harsh way and manipulating you after you slapped him.

C.L - Get your attitude adjusted | ♡

Summary: You’ve taunted him with a simple joke, now he’s up for the rough and interesting challenge to adjust your attitude a bit.

C.L - red bottom heels | ☁️ ♡

Summary: You didn’t wanted to feed your boyfriend’s ego even more by removing your heels and appearing smaller to him… but he had other plans to make you feel even smaller.

C.S - I’ll make it fit | ☁️ ♡

Summary: You weren’t sure if ending up in bed with your brothers best friend was a good idea (especially after you’ve seen his size), but after he told you that you wouldn’t need to worry, you knew that it was actually the best idea.

M.V - Behind closed doors | ☯️

Summary: All you wanted was to leave your crazy boyfriend, but he was gonna make sure that you’ll never try that again.

S.V - A little bloodbath just for you | ☯️ ☁️

Summary: Sebastian couldn’t stand it when other men even looked at you the wrong way, so he creates a little bloodbath — just for you.

M.V - bloody knees | ☯️ ☁️

Summary: your father was convinced that max would be the best boyfriend for you… you weren’t so sure about that though.

S.V - sweet poison | ☯️ ☁️

Summary: as you felt dizzy and weird, you coincidentally landed in Sebastian’s embrace, just to your luck, right?

D.R - apologise | ☯️

Summary: him forcing you to apologise to him on your knees.

M.V - cry me a river, maxie | ☯️ ☁️

Summary: him accusing you of only being with him for his money and then apologising to you and showing his soft side to you while laying in your arms.

S.V - disloyal angel | ☯️

Summary: after being honest with your psychotic boyfriend and telling him that you’ve been cheating on him with his teammate, he shows you how sick he actually is and how far he went for you.

L.N - bj with sub!lando | ♡

Summary: lots of whiny sub!lando during a good old blowjob.

S.V - crazy for you | ☁️

Summary: sebastian is simply crazy for you and worships the ground you walk on.

S.V - forced handjob with sub!rbr!seb | ♡

Summary: some whiny, teary-eyed and gasping sub!rbr!seb during a beautiful handjob of yours.

S.V - Guilty pleasure | ♡

Summary: Sebastian — who’s extremly possessive — wants to make sure that everybody knows who you belong to.

C.L ; M.V ; T.W ; S.V - manipulating/gaslighting you | ☯️ ☁️

Summary: How the f1 drivers would wickedly manipulate and gaslight poor you.

C.L - Are you mad at me? | ♡

Summary: After an argument with Charles, you decide to try on the new pair of shorts with a special print on them and shamelessly show them your angry boyfriend — instantly making Charles even madder than at the beginning.

C.S - Teacher's toy | ♡ ☁️

Summary: fooling around with your spanish professor was already a bad idea — but teasing him during his lecture was an even worse idea.

C.L - bad spotlight | ♡

Summary: Putting the infamous charles leclerc purposely in a bad spotlight for your entertainment was a fun idea, or was it?

T.W ; C.S ; C.L ; D.R ; L.H - spoiling you rotten | ☁️

Summary: how the formula one drivers love to spoil you rotten with their money.

[theonemeathead]

Hello!

Unsure if your requests are open—if not, disregard this—but if I could request something that’s Medic x reader. SFW is my only real request, but hurt/comfort, fluff, a bit of angst, anything you’d like!

Have fun with it. I’ve read your sniper fic and your spy fic, and I absolutely loved both of them.

You’re doing amazing! I’m excited to read anything you make in the future <3

Medic x Reader, "Harsh"

hello! omg im sorry this took so long, ive been so busy working. i love medic, i hope i wrote him well, it's my first time! warning for light gore and some hurt/comfort angst. enjoy!

"You failed!"

The Administrator croaked, her voice ringing out through the speaker. The fight had been gruelling, all of you were exhausted. The other team had pushed you all back into your base, beginning an onslaught of terror. You were blown to pieces by an enemy Soldier, the enemy Demoman was using you for easy kills, and the enemy Engineer had sentries set up out the wazoo. You had been sent through Respawn countless times, your frustration growing everytime you were taunted as you died. At one point, the enemy Sniper had shot out both of your legs and then proceeded to point and laugh as you tried to crawl away. It was safe to say you didn't get far before your brains were strewn, unceremoniously, across the battlefield.

Back in the locker room, it was obvious nobody was happy. Normally, your teammates weren't sore losers, save for a few exceptions. But today had been so exhausting that even Pyro was in a sour mood. You sat down on one of the benches, rubbing your aching muscles as the other mercenaries cleaned themselves up.

"Man, that frickin' sucked!"

Leave it to Scout to break any amount of peace and quiet. You didn't feel like arguing with the wall, otherwise you'd tell him off for not staying on the point. You were bitter with multiple of your teammates, but none of them had quite pissed you off quite like Medic had today.

"AGREED, MAGGOT. I AM FILLED WITH SHRAPNEL AND CANNOT FEEL ANYTHING FROM THE WAIST DOWN."

"Yeah, well, that wouldn't be the case if we could've gotten some healing from, y'know, the one guy who's whole job is to heal." Your words came out passive-aggressive. You knew it was immature, but you also knew everyone had the same gripe you did. You instantly regretted even mentioning it as the locker next to yours slammed shut. Medic was unstable when he was upset, and he seemed to be the most torn up about this loss out of everyone. Silence overfell the locker room, yet again.

"None of you understand how tedious my job is," he began. You could hear the grit in his words, the emotions that were brewing and starting to boil over. Medic liked to praise himself as one of the more rational mercenaries, talking about how you must always have a cool temper when you're a doctor. Yet, here he was, his face slightly flushed from frustration.

"Your job wouldn't be as tedious if you did it properly," you challenged him. You stood up straight, as you folded your hands across your chest. You eye twitched slightly as you scowled at the back of Medic's head. You could feel other gazes, followed by various murmuring and receding footsteps; it was probably smart to leave before this escalated.

"Oh, really, maus? Well, if that's the case, then I no longer see why I'm needed on this team. Auf wiedersehen!" He forced a smile as he turned on his heels, hastily stomping off towards his quarters. He pushed past you, making a point that you were in his way.

"Fine! Be that way!" you called out, but your yells fell upon deaf ears. You looked around the locker room at whoever was left, making eye contact with Scout, who flinched away under your gaze.

It was going to be a rough night.

-

It had been hours since you and Medic had last spoken, which was unusual. You two were nearly inseparable, but enough time had passed for Engineer to start prepping dinner. You leaned against the counter of the kitchen, absentmindedly observing the tinkerer as he began slicing various vegetables. Engineer had always been a mentor, of sorts, to you; A beacon of wisdom. He was one of the few people on this godforsaken team who wasn't batshit crazy. He seemed to have picked up on your quietness, opting to fill the spaceless void instead.

"Y'know, sweetheart, I think tensions were just high earlier. Ain't no sensin' both of y'all bein' upset, why don'tcha be the bigger person and, I dunno, apologize?" He asked, earnestly. He looked up at you, smiling. His expression was slightly unreadable, due to the goggles he was wearing, but it was warm nonetheless.

"I guess, but—Everyone agrees that he was slacking on the field! I'm not in the wrong!"

"I know, darlin', but everyone has their off days. Hell, even I have those rounds where it feels like I can never catch a break from that damn Spy sappin' my sentry." He chuckled to himself, low and comforting. Engineer's laidback atmosphere was always so calming. "I reckon you have your days too. Last thing you would want is for somebody to point out how you missed a Heavy, who was about an arm's-length away."

"You saw that?!" You gasped, embarrassed. He was right, you didn't do too well either today. Maybe you were unfair to the doctor earlier. You pushed yourself off the counter with a sigh. "You have a point, I'll go see what I can do."

The journey to the infirmary was nerve-wracking. It wasn't full of anticipation and excitement to see your lover, no, it was anxiety-ridden and nauseating. You felt horrible, like you were wearing cement bricks, rather than shoes. You reached the sterile area of the base, the cold air of the lobby immediately sending goosebumps through your body. You took a deep breath, shakily knocking on the steel doors of the actual operating room. You were met with silence, although you could hear the various shuffling of papers and the familiar cooes of his doves.

You hesitated, pushing on the door slightly. You opened it, just enough to peak your head in. The sight before you was disheartening, to say the least. He was surrounded by multiple forms of paperwork, his hair slightly messy and his movements erratic. He seemed to frantically be searching for something, flipping between books and whatnot. You cleared your throat, the echo of the sound stopping him in his tracks immediately. He froze, not daring to turn and face you. "Medic...?"

"Ah, of course. I'm busy, can't you see?" His tone held a faux sweetness, as if he was one snap away from losing his composure completely.

"Medic, I— I'm sorry. I was mean to you back in the locker rooms, I let how I felt get the better of me. I was harsh on you and I shouldn't have been," you started, your voice shaking slightly from your emotions. He clicked his tongue, humming slightly in response. Although, he seemed to relax his posture, yet still refused to look at you. "Medic, we need you... I need you. You're a good doctor, I can't imagine anyone else fit to surgically implant baboon hearts—"

"Mega baboon hearts."

"Right, mega baboon hearts... into people. I love you, Medic." He swiveled his chair around, one leg crossed over the other as he had his arms crossed over his chest. He faced you, seeming to finally scan your features. He tilted his head, giving you a small smile. He tsked, pleased by your apology.

"Ah, schatz, you are forgiven." He beckoned you towards him, opening his arms up wide for a hug. You happily obliged, tackling into his large chest. He caught you, holding you and rubbing soothing circles into your side. "Ich liebe dich auch."

[semantics-error]

I hope that this doesn't sound weird now but I wanted to thank you for last year. Your writing is everything. I struggled a lot in the past year. Your writing always made me happy though like damn "for having loved a little while" is a masterpiece. Even though I am certain you hate me, bc you aren't not giving me and the boys happiness.. and I finish "I could never deny you" in one setting. It's my comfort fic. I reread certain chapters every night. Just wanted to say thank you. ❤️

Thank you for spending your precious time reading my stories! I'm sorry you struggled last year, and I'm so glad my stories could help make things a little bit brighter for you :) Your incredibly sweet message doesn't sound weird by the way! I'm generally open to asks but one this kind is definitely okay. It also came at a perfect time, since I've been feeling disheartened about my writing lately. Thank you for this encouragement and the reminder that my words have the power to touch people's hearts <3

I am sorry about For Having Loved a Little While... I definitely did not mean to have a delay right when things finally turn toward angst T.T I had a hectic holiday so I won't post this week, but next week things should be back to normal! As an apology for the delay and a thank you for this kind message, here's a snippet of Chapter 15 of For Having Loved a Little While (subject to change in editing of course):

~~~

Sand was wasted. That much was clear, as he stumbled his way up the steps to his apartment.

He figured it out from the way the world spun as he got on the courier bike home. Or maybe he knew all the way back in the third shitty bar, where he had drunk two more awful shots and a beer. For how seedy the place was, the bill had been astronomical. At least, if he’d read the numbers correctly. Which, now that he tried to remember how math worked, seemed unlikely. 

At least he was almost home. 

Instead of heading inside after he climbed the stairs, Sand leaned against the cool wall of the hallway and texted Nick.

> coe outside

Sand’s phone lit up as Nick called instead of texting back. Sand declined the call with a jab of his finger. 

> where are you 

“Shhh,” Sand chided his phone when it chimed. He took his time, using autocorrect to get all the letters correct. 

> come outside. don’t tell ray

A minute later, he heard a quiet shuffling and then the door opened. 

Sand stepped back, wobbling to keep his balance, but intent on drawing Nick out of the apartment.

“What-”

“Shhh. Don't tell Ray.”

Nick rolled his eyes but gently closed the door behind him and followed Sand around to the stairwell. 

“Why can’t you just come inside?”

Sand thought that was rather obvious. “’M drunk.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Nick looked him up and down, eyebrows raised incredulously. “What the fuck, Sand? We’ve been so worried.”

Sand leaned his cheek against the cool plaster of the wall. Why was he here? He should have just stayed somewhere else until he sobered up. There was always his mom but-

“Sorry,” he mumbled. 

Nick sighed and opened his phone. 

Sand made a grab for it. “Don't tell him.” 

Nick swung the phone easily out of the way of his clumsy hands. “I’m just letting him know that you're safe and I'm with you. Sand—he's really worried.”

Sand blinked owlishly for a moment, processing Nick’s words. Worried about me? Why? “Don't tell him I’m drunk.”

“You should trust him more.”

“Do trust him.” I'm the problem. “Drank whiskey. Hibiki.”

“Shit,” Nick cursed under his breath. 

Ray’s favorite whiskey. Sand didn't even know why he'd picked it—he hated whiskey. Never drank it willingly, especially not the high-end Japanese stuff. But he couldn't see Ray with the smell of whiskey on his breath. Any alcohol was bad, but whiskey—he could never do that to Ray.

He had known that when he started drinking—he had wanted this conclusion. Wanted to punish himself without the option for Ray to smooth it all away.

But now, maudlin and without the recourse of Ray’s effusive affection, he regretted it deeply. 

“Wanna see Ray.”

Nick rolled his eyes as he propped his shoulder under one of Sand’s arms. “You literally just said you can’t.”

“Oh. S’right. I miss him.”

“Come on,” Nick said with a sigh.

Sand dug his heels in against Nick’s pull and made a questioning noise. Even if he couldn’t go into the apartment like this, he wanted to be here. As close to Ray as he was allowed. 

But Nick kept tugging. “I’m not waiting around in our stairwell for you to sober up. Let’s get coffee or something, that’ll help.”

Sand groaned but Nick made a good argument. And if they were out getting coffee there was less chance he would buckle and just stagger inside, clinging to his poor boyfriend with the smell of poison on his breath.

[chimneyz]

2024 Fic Round Up

tagged by @mmso-notlikethat thank you <3

this year was actually my first year writing fanfiction and i only started in mid november during that time i have written 4 fics and 38,646 words under the ao3 handle thegayestdisaster (not including the stuff i wrote for exclusively tumblr) i had a lot of fun writing these and i am excited to write more

i also wanted to thank those who have read and liked them and this wonderful fandom

To Think We Could Stay the Same

Bucktommy | 6 out of 15 Chapters Completed | 26k | M

"I'll see you around, Buck" The door clicks behind him, officially closing him off from his hopes, his dreams, the man that he lo- No, not that, not after everything. It would hurt too much to say it, to even think it. His heart pounds in his ears, the beats increasing. Why is it so hard to breathe, it shouldn't be this hard to breathe. Before he knows it, his feet move quickly down the hall slightly staggering. Everything around him is a blur, the pounding of his heart becoming unbearable. He halts nearly tripping slamming his palm to the wall anchoring him in his place so he doesn't collapse to the floor below. With his free hand, he places pressure against his temples as he lets out an anguished sob. No, he can't, not here.

The Act of Gift Giving

Bucktommy | 1.5k | T

It's been a month since Tommy left, Buck was still on his baking spree trying his hardest to not text Tommy. He's only witnessed Tommy bubbling him once but he likes to think Tommy has done it more than just once. Buck gets back home from a long grueling shift and finds a package on his doorstep, Buck wasn't expecting any packages and there was no return address, or any address, whoever this was from had to of dropped it off. Buck stared at it for hours before he opened it, to his surprise it was a porcelain husky (at least he thought it was porcelain) it seemed old and very much loved in a past life. Buck laughed at himself, he has always been compared to a golden retriever by others, but there was one person who said otherwise. "No, no" Tommy smiled at him one day, "you aren't a golden retriever, you are a husky, fiercely loyal, intelligent, goofy, and yeah a bit of a yapper but loveable nonetheless." 

Under the Mistletoe

Bucktommy | 7.2k | T

He knew this day would come, he had been dreading it with every fiber of his being, but he knew it would come. Especially after what happened last week. Turns out today was that day. The melancholic sounds of The Cure sang through the radio in Tommy's truck, he hasn't been able to listen to much else besides The Cure. Sure maybe throw in some Radiohead and The Smiths but it mostly has been The Cure since the break up. Tommy knew that it was all his fault, that he was the one that ended things, but still, it's been a while since Tommy felt this melancholic about the end of a relationship. The sun was setting, painting the sky a brilliant orange, but it was hard to pay attention to the beautiful sky when there was only one thing on his mind. A text, one singular text that squeezed his heart to an aching pile of mush.

Blue Christmas

Bucktommy | 3.5k | T

A sharp blade of sunlight stabbed through the blackout curtains right into Tommy's eyes, it was unbearable enough to wake him from his slumber. In a groggy groan, Tommy shifted his body, facing away from the sunlight, pulling the blankets over his head cocooning himself in darkness once more. A sharp pain drilled into his brain making it throb against his skull. The pressure from it makes it feel as if his brain formed thumbs pressing against the back of his eyes trying their damndest to push them out of his head. A botched lobotomy would have been better than his. The stale taste of last night's alcohol coated his tongue, it was bitter.

i know it's super late to do this so i am pretty sure all my writer mutuals have already been tagged so if you see this and want to join in consider yourself tagged by me ☺️

[papiliovolens]

HELLO (only answer if you want :3)

REMINDER TO DRINK WATER AND SIT OUTSIDE FOR 5 MIN OR SOMETHING

also if you are experiencing bad evil no good anxiety at night here are a few tips - think to yourself, "pal what are you talking about" - roll around on the floor - pls don't bite self, makes teeth sore (could be used as distraction???) - focus on feeling or stuff making you anxous - I recently got a galaxy ball nightlight. I like the stars and blabla. this has helped tons (TLDR get nightlight) - meditation - nighttime walk around the house - look outside, head empty idk man I stayed up way past my bedtime last night and now anxiety has come to reap my hard-earned peace (good excuse to stay up till 3 am to finish that 100000+(etc) word fic) thank you for existing and sharing your wonderful works of art for me/us to gobble up and sob over STTMH had become a little hyper fixation of mine.. and I'm really tempted to tear down the stupid art block to spill my imagination, but alas. I suck at drawing skeles. If I humanifiy them??? would you mind that??? i also only draw ladies very well cus for some reason the universe decided that for me oh drat I am rambling. THIS IS A REMINDER NOT TO ANSWER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. thank you for getting this far???? o drat you make me smile. happiness please stay sorry for the long text, if this is invasive in any way, and for you to deal with my chronic apologizing problem also sleepy brain. i could go on forever :3

Hihi~! Your reminder to drink actually did remind me that I haven't drank anything in a while o.o

*summons water bottle and sips*

Thank you for the suggestions! ... I will admit I have never tried rolling around on the floor, despite that being something I would do. I'm gonna try it next time (and freak my family out at the same time 8D)

Staying up wayyy too late can def. be rough, hope you were able to get through it okay! I am so excited you decided to read through the whole thing, but please take care of yourself at the same time! :D

It should be an enjoyable experience, and bad health is a no no *nods sagely, ignoring the amount of chocolate i eat*

(๑>◡<๑) Oh my goodness you are so kind! I'm honored STTMH is a hyperfixation for you!

Of course you can humanify them! (I must add humanify to my dictionary) You can draw them as arguing dogs, you can change their gender, whatever you would like! While STTMH may depict characters in one way, you are free to depict them in your own! :D If my characters can inspire you to draw something whose only connection to sttmh is the idea of the characters themselves, i am overjoyed to aid your creativity ^^

Does that make sense? In general, go wild! STTMH is a sandbox for both you and me! :D

If you are rambling, I wonder what that makes me *stares at above paragraph*

We shall be ramblers together

We are the rambling team

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ I know I said this before but you are so nice, thank you! ^^

None of this was invasive, no worries~! If anything is, I will let you know! :D

[grzzlwmpf]

FINALLY GOT IT

Couldn't've been more off the mark with theories on how to get Two Hats. Second, secret hunting playthrough stands at a solid twenty hours and I had basically convinced myself of needing to start over a third time bc I thought I had locked myself out of it until I randomly read one (1) line of seemingly irrelevant game info that made it all fall into place.

Best thing is that upon realizing I also realized that I could actually do it on the save of my original first playthrough. Just felt right that way.

I will probably still go through with the second save, if only to try and get all achievements and interactions I'm sure I'm still missing ((looking at you Odile, you can absolutely figure this guy out)), but I'll probably look at some guides for that.

In any case, I can finally go properly looking for fanworks now. I would say that I was "very close to cracking" but considering I stayed up til 3:30 am last night reading a Siffrin vampire AU fic that I stumbled over ((which I can highly recommend!)), I was probably past that already

[frenziedslashers]

Hey, so I saw that you had requests open for TWD stuff on your Daryl post! I LOVED that fic so much! I read it last night and oh my lord, you write for Daryl so well! It felt like I could picture him right in front of me with how well you captured him. He wasn't ooc at all!

Anyways, I was wondering if you could write a part two? Maybe Reader stays with Daryl while he is in the kingdom and they find Carol together. Maybe reader stays with her and she picks up on the signs and tells the reader to get tested to see if she's pregnant 👀 Sorta just want a fic where Daryl has a baby <3 And I feel like you could write that super well! If you are uncomfortable with this request feel free to ignore this! Thank you for the beautiful fic last night 🙏 I will be reading it again now.

Baby, It's Okay

Pt. 1; I Love You, and I Don't Say It Enough{smut}

A/N: Ahh I am so glad that people like it! I wasn't sure if people would be too into it lmao. I had the idea, but I wasn't sure haha. Glad that you think I wrote him pretty in character too! I was a bit worried lmao. Apologies if this isn't that well written. I have been struggling with words lately.

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Warning: AFAB!Reader, She/her pronouns used, pregnancy,

REQUESTING INFO || TWD MASTERLIST

Carol reached over to hand you one of the apples that Ezekiel had brought for the two of you. A soft smile on her lips. "So, you and Daryl," she motioned to her own neck with a smirk. You swore you couldn't feel any hotter at the moment. Hands reaching up instinctively to feel your neck, even though you knew you wouldn't be able to feel the hickeys she was motioning to.

She only laughed softly, shaking her head with a sigh. "Don't worry, I get it. I'm just glad he has you," You chuckled softly, nodding. "Yeah, I am too. He treats me better than anyone I've ever dated in the past," "he better. Or else he'll be dealing with me." She commented and you snickered, rolling your eyes with a soft sigh. Carol had always been yours and Daryl's number-one supporter. She was always there when one of you needed advice. Though it was mostly you that went to her, Daryl would occasionally ask or wait for advice from her. She was pretty good at reading when he needed some.

"I'm glad that we found you out here. Daryl doesn't want me in The Kingdom in case they find him. He knows Negan and his men will probably come looking for me next in order to teach him a lesson." You added with pursed lips at the thought of it all. "So he thought me being here would be better. Plus, then neither of us is alone." She smiled at your words. Reaching across the table to hold your hand. "I asked to be alone here, you know?" Your smile was quick to fade at that. Looking her over cautiously, hoping that you didn't say the wrong thing. Or that you weren't intruding. "But I wouldn't ask for anyone else to break those rules than you and Daryl." You chuckled, giving her hand a light squeeze. "We're thankful, Carol. I'll try my best not to be a burden."

You tried not to get in her way for the next few days. Daryl coming to visit the both of you every night and leaving back for The Kingdom or Hilltop in the morning. Promising to return later that night. He always came back, too. You and Carol both knew he wouldn't stay long, though. He loved you, but he had to keep moving. Keep helping the groups prepare for the fight against the Saviors.

"Are you all right?" Her voice was hardly audible as you held your head in your hands. You had just thrown up again, the third time that morning. Carol frowned as she looked you over. "Honey, do you feel all right?" She asked, coming to sit beside you. When you finally processed what she was asking, you nodded. "Yeah, just feeling nauseous is all. I don't know what's going on." "Morning sickness?" You froze at those words. It couldn't be.

You shook your head, dropping your hands to look over to Carol. "What? No, it can't be, I..." You were about ready to tell her that you and Daryl had used protection, but thinking back to it. You hadn't. He'd came inside you and that was that. "I.." you stammered again, the realization of it all finally setting in. "Hun, relax, everything will be okay." She assured you. Reaching out to place her hands on top of yours once more. "But what if he doesn't..?" tears were pricking your eyes. Unable to finish the question as dread set in. "Look at me, Daryl won't be mad at you. This is just as much his fault as yours. He might be a little scared at first, but he won't be mad. He'll love you and the baby if you are pregnant. I know he will." She smiled, and you nodded. She was right.

You both sat there quietly for a moment or two before she let out a sigh of her own. "I can go into The Kingdom today. Get you a pregnancy test to make sure. No use telling him just to find out you're getting sick 'cause of stress. Don't wanna put any ideas in that head of his." She spoke and the both of you chuckled. Nodding your head while sniffling. "Thank you, Carol." "Anything for my favorite couple."

It wasn't long before you had the test in hand. Staring at it with anxious eyes as you waited for the stick to decipher your future for you. To your disfavor, it was positive too. Frowning with a sigh as you tried to rake your brain for a way to tell Daryl. How would you? Maybe you could just wait it out, and he'd notice. Or wait until you were further along to be sure you would stay pregnant and nothing would happen to the baby. God, what if something happened to it? You were so overwhelmed, holding the test in your hand while entering the house again. Staring down at it while your feet led you to where Carol last was.

"Darlin', everythin' okay? What's the matter?" your head snapped up in a panic. Wide eyes stared back at Daryl who was now standing in the kitchen with Carol. You held your breath, hoping that she would say something to get you out of this situation. But when you looked over at her she was sneaking into the other room. Neither of you expected him to be back for another few hours, so you were both surprised by his arrival.

Your mouth opened to say something, but no words came out. A tear rolling down your cheek while you stared back at your lover. You didn't know what to say without scaring him away. You had a feeling that whatever you said or did would send him out the door, never to come back. Even if you knew that he wouldn't leave you. So, when he approached you with worried eyes, you extended your arm to hand him the test.

He was quick to reach out for it. Grabbing and inspecting it. It took a moment of looking it over and finally, he read over the words on it. Finally realizing what was going on.

Daryl's worried brows relaxed as reality set in. Blinking while he stared blankly at the test. If anything, this felt worse than him pushing you to the side and bolting out the door.

"Is this.." He pursed his lips, eyes flickering up to yours and then back to the test. "Is it mine?" The fact he even asked that made you frown. Nodding your head with sad eyes. "Yes it's yours, why would you even ask that?" He only gave you a shrug in response. Trying his best to figure out how to feel about the situation. He was happy, hell. He'd never felt so excited about the thought of kids! He just wasn't prepared for it. Nor was right now the time for you two to be worrying about a baby. It was already a lot making Sure Maggie and her baby stayed safe. This would be a whole other ball game for Dixon.

"So, I'm gonna be a daddy, huh?" He asked, flashing you a half smile as if to assure you that he wasn't upset by the whole thing. You nodded, letting out a relieved sigh while sniffling, which caught his attention real quick. Though he smiled, you couldn't help but worry it was just so you wouldn't freak out. That was too late. Every bad thought you could have was already plaguing your mind. "If you want to, if you wanna leave me, I get it." It was his turn to frown. He hated that you thought he would leave you over this. It was his kid, why would he want to leave?

Daryl put the test in his pocket. Unsure what else to do with it. Living in the apocalypse he had a habit of shoving everything in his hands into his pocket. Once his hands were free he grabbed you to pull you close. Cradling the back of your head with his hand, kissing the side of your head with a hum. "Baby, it's okay. I ain't leavin' you. I just.." He pondered for the right words, and you clung onto his shirt. Trembling a little while you waited anxiously for what he would say.

"I just never thought I'd be able to be a dad. With the dead and all, plus. I just never supposed I'd be a good one." He told you, and you pulled back to look up at him. Reaching up to cup the side of his face. "Dar'," you called, and he sighed. Resting his forehead against your own. "You'd be one of the best fathers in the world. You've proved that with how you treat Judith and Carl, and how you watched over Beth... I was worried you wouldn't want it." He shrugged, smiling softly. "Well, it wasn't on my to-do list, but we can't really do anything else. I ain't leavin' you anytime soon, either. Not over no damn kid. I'll love you and them just fine." He muttered in assurance, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your lips and you giggled lightly. "I'm glad." He nodded, leaning down to press a kiss to your jaw. Sighing while his free hand came between the both of you to rest on your stomach. Forehead now resting on your shoulder. "Can we name 'em, Little Ass Kicker?" It was time for you to roll your eyes, sighing deeply at your lover. Which only seemed to make him smile more. "Daryl," he hummed, pulling back so his eyes met your own. "You aren't allowed to name the baby." He chuckled, sighing while pressing another kiss to your lips. "Alright, fine. You and Rick ain't no fun." And so that was that. Daryl knew about the baby, and everything was going to be all right. He would be sure of it. Or at least you hoped everything would be all right. As good as it could be in this fucked up world, anyhow.

You and Daryl had decided on keeping the baby between the two of you and Carol until the whole Negan situation was handled. Or until Daryl could find a safe place to keep you. Carol would get you the supplies you needed. Such as vitamins, and enough food to make sure you were somewhat healthy. Daryl would spend a lot more time with you, too. The further along that you got, the harder it was to get the hunter to leave your side.

Once Negan was somewhat stopped and finally imprisoned within Alexandria. You and Daryl finally told the group about what you were both expecting. It was like a weight was lifted off everyone's shoulders. Even if it was something that they would have never known until you were showing significantly. It was wonderful to hear the great news after stopping the Saviors for what you all hoped was for good.

Rick had pulled Daryl in for a hug. Smiling widely at his friend. "Never saw you as a father type," Daryl chuckled, shrugging. "Me neither." He spoke, looking over at you as you spoke with Maggie and a few of the others. Smiling and laughing as you talked about the big news. "Guess Abraham was right though, is nice thinking about settlin' down. 'Specially with 'er." Rick nodded, squeezing his friend's shoulder with a sigh. "I'm happy for you. If you two ever need anythin', you just give me a holler. Got it?" Daryl nodded, keeping his eyes on you. Smiling when you glanced over and waved at him. "Thank you, Rick." "Anything for family."

It was a little weird having Daryl at your beckon and call at all times of the day. Once he was finally able to feel the baby, you were done for. Privacy was a thing of the past and Daryl couldn't get enough of you. He had to have his eyes on you at all times. Making sure that you were safe and okay, that nothing would happen to you or your baby. He'd never forgive himself if anything happened.

When he did have to leave your side. Michonne or Carol, sometimes both of them, would be with you. Helping you and giving you the time away from your lover that you needed.

"I don't think I've ever seen him stay in Alexandria this long, he's always going on runs and doing something" Michonne stated. "Well, he's got a baby to take care of now," Carol spoke with a smile, and you chuckled, sitting back in your chair with a sigh. "Well, he's driving me crazy." You huffed, a hand resting on your stomach while you looked between the two women. "I love him, but god. He's been a lot, lately." You laughed, and they laughed with you. "Give him a break, he's just trying to do what he thinks is best for you and your guys' little one." You nodded, shrugging. "Yeah, I guess you're right." "I'm always right," Carol spoke, and the three of you laughed once more.

When Daryl came back from his hunt later that night, you were already asleep. Michonne was passed out on the couch downstairs with a book in her hand. Carol back in her own house. He smiled faintly at the woman on the couch, thanking her silently in his head and reminding himself to do so later when they were both awake. She nor Carol didn't have to stay with you, but they did, and he appreciated that more than either of the women knew.

When he made it to the room he cleaned himself up, first. Showering to get all the blood and grime off himself before climbing in bed with you. His hand instinctively came to rest on your stomach while he curled up beside you. Kissing your shoulder with a sigh. "Hey," you muttered, and he smiled. He should have known you would have woken up. "Hey," he spoke back. Both of you lay there for a moment before you spoke again. "You get anything good today?" You spoke groggily and he shrugged. "Nah, not really." He lied, but you believed him. Cozying up next to him with a hum. "Better luck next time," you muttered, and he nodded. "Yeah," he mumbled, kissing the side of your head.

Daryl didn't want to tell you that he actually did hit the jackpot out on his run today. Not only did he have a deer hanging in the garage to butcher later on. But he also found you some stuff. Some clothes for the baby, some baby food, and even a set of rings for you and him. Or at least he hoped the ring would fit you, if not he'd put it on a necklace for you. He had never asked you to marry him, and everyone already assumed that you were both married if they weren't a part of your original group. Hell, even the original group considered you both to be spouses, so why not make it official with rings? It may not actually be official, but to Daryl, and hopefully yourself, it would be.

Daryl never knew that he would ever be married to the love of his life. Let alone having a pup with them. He'd never been happier with the idea. Smiling softly at the thought of the baby being born. Being able to hold both of you. Being able to teach it how to hunt and track. He had to chew on his bottom lip to hide back the wide grin that threatened to show. Watching you sleep while rubbing your stomach. He'd never felt more normal in his life than now, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let anyone take this away from him. Not Negan, not the dead, no one could hurt his family. Not on his watch.

Not now, not ever. He'd be sure of it, too.

You hoped that he would lay off being protective after the baby was born, and he knew it. But truth be told, Daryl knew he'd only get worse as time went on. The moment he held the little one in his arms, and realized what you both had made. How precious it was and perfect. This little bundle of joy that brought hope for the future. Your future. You'd both just have to grow to live with it because he'd never let either one of you out of his sight. Not in a million years.

"Daryl, we aren't having any more kids," you'd tell him, but Carol was right. Back when she mentioned not to tell him until you knew it was certain you were pregnant. Because even just the thought of a baby might give him ideas, and right now. The thought of having more kids with you after this one got old enough for you both to care for another baby. God, it was definitely giving him ideas.

[starsarefire824]

UPDATED ST Fanfic Guide

I have been lazy and not updated this in ages so here goes.

I am JustMyName on A03! (some people have told me they had no idea) I have really come to love writing for Mike and Will these past two years. Hope you find something to enjoy! 🖤 I also enjoy Madwheeler and some other unique ships so if you're up for something different this might be the spot for you!

✨Demons of Change and Wildflower Eyes ▻ rating: M ▻ status: Almost Complete ▻ words: 84,780 ▻ship: Byler, Troy x Mike, Madwheeler, minor Lumax and Henderhop ▻description: AU. High school hasn't been easy for Will Byers. He’s had to live with the emotional scars of a loveless father and supernatural worlds, as well as the physical ones from the hands of the bullies that make his everyday existence hell. One night, when he's looking for some peace and quiet Will comes upon one of them.

Sparks fly and Mike and Will can’t stay away from each other. Yet, there are things Mike isn’t saying: about his past, about his family, about his peculiar friendship with Troy. Things aren’t always what they appear to be, and loyalties born from violence will be rigorously tested.

Will, Mike, Troy centric.

(This fic is very near and dear to my heart. <3)

✨Lay Me Down Slow ▻rating: M ▻status: Complete ▻words: 10,821 ▻ship: Byler ▻description: It's 1998 and Will is anxiously making his way to a bar to meet up with Mike, who he hasn't seen in over a decade. Emotions run high as he shares a drink with him, and when a confrontation turns violent, it leads to truths being told and the two of them finding each other again. Will POV.

✨Beautiful Things From Broken Soil ▻rating: T ▻status: Complete ▻words: 2,175 ▻ship: Byler ▻description: Mike and Will get caught in a rainstorm on a lazy summer's day.

✨An Unspeakable (Of The Oscar Wilde Sort) ▻rating: E ▻status: Ongoing ▻words: 7,125 ▻ship: Byler, Mileven ▻description: They sit there for a long second in awkward silence, and Mike bites his bottom lip. He eyes the movie. “So what did you pick?”

Will fidgets with the tape nervously in his hands. His voice catches. “Uhm, yeah—it’s just this movie that’s based off of a book I read last year. I really liked the story.”

Will’s eyes find Mike’s and he blushes. “I don’t know. It’s kind of serious. We don’t have——“

Mike interrupts Will’s shy backpedaling by snatching the VHS out of his hand and turning it over like he is going to find the summary. Instead he just finds a Family Video logo. “What’s it about?”

“Uhm—well it’s about these two guys at Cambridge in the early 1900’s and they’re—-friends.”

Mike blinks. “Friends?”

Will’s eyelids flutter and he presses his lips together. “Yeah—-like—really good friends.”

or, Will brings over a movie to watch with Mike and it leads to certain truths being addressed. Complete with a Mike Wheeler in crisis.

✨Helpless ▻ rating: T ▻status: Complete ▻words: 2,973 ▻ship: Byler ▻description: “Hey,” Mike says, shutting his bedroom door behind him gently and padding over to the bed where Will lays, freshly showered and in his undershirt.

“Hey,” Will murmurs back as he burrows himself further into the bed and pulls the sheets up under his chin, trying to ignore his heart pitter-pattering inside his ribs. He smooths the fabric over his chest nervously.

Mike smiles over at him, something shy and sweet in the way his eyes crinkle. He breathes out and folds his thin arms across his chest, rubbing along his rigid hip with his thumb.

Will tries not to stare where Mike’s worn white tank top he always wears rides up, revealing pale skin and a shock of dark hair lining his belly and disappearing underneath his stupid Star Wars pajama pants.

It’s hilarious, really, Will thinks bitterly. Stuck in a bed with your friend at the threshold of the Apocalypse, and only able to think about what hides underneath his pajamas.

It’s so unfair. It’s fucking torture.

✨You're The Only Shape I'll Pray To ▻rating: E ▻status: Complete ▻words: 3,160 ▻ship: Byler ▻description:

Hands pulling at shirts in a darkened room, a tongue licking along burning skin, moans and pants and belt buckles being unclasped.

Mike presses his knees together so hard his bones grind.

“Tell me," he gasps. "—Confess—to God—-all of your sins.” Priest AU.

✨The Pact ▻ rating: M ▻ status: Ongoing ▻words: 97,440 ▻ship: Madwheeler, Byler, Elumax ▻ description: A pact between Max and Mike gone wrong gets them both unanimously voted out of the Party and they find themselves stuck with each other the summer after Graduation: fighting, commiserating, and begrudgingly discovering they are a lot more alike than they originally thought.

✨Touch Me Like You Know Me ▻rating: M ▻status: Complete ▻words: 14,894 ▻ ship: Byler ▻ description: Mike doesn't go home anymore, not unless absolutely necessary. Instead, he stays far away from Hawkins, quietly shutting himself off from the world, and burying the pain of the things he never said to the boy he'd left behind. But when his mother convinces him to return home for his thirty-fifth birthday, Mike is finally forced to confront just how much he'd given up when he runs into Will by accident. Mike-centric. Estranged Byler reconnection fic. Soft and Sweet.

✨Death Lies in Wait ▻ rating: M ▻ status: Ongoing ▻ words: 13,322▻ ship: Arranged Madwheeler, Byler, Lumax, Mileven, Secret Ship ▻ description: Massachusetts, 1890. Max Mayfield is twenty-six years old and at the hand of her parents, settles for a marriage of convenience to a widowed lighthouse keeper. A stranger she'll be trapped with for the rest of her life on a lonely strip of land surrounded by nothing but endless, lonely sea. But, as she settles into her life, and she and her new husband try to coexist, they get wrapped up in a mysterious presence on the cape. It calls to them. It's lulling and coaxing and sings to them at night. Max discovers the secrets her new husband keeps. Mermaids and ghosts of the past come to haunt them. Madwheeler/Byler//Lumax Gothic AU- Mermaid Will.

✨Certain Slant of Light ▻ rating: M ▻ status: Ongoing ▻words: ▻ship: Byler, Will x OC. description: Will just wants to get through his last year of high school without incident, to feel normal for once in his life, and try to survive the building tension between him and Mike that grows with every word left unsaid. On the first day of school, Will meets someone new who may finally offer him the acceptance he craves, but he’s unsure what to do when it causes his relationship with Mike to hit a breaking point, forcing them both to confront their true feelings. And to make matters worse, Vecna is always there, whispering in his ear, and letting him know his fated role in the inevitable fall of Hawkins. Slow Burn. Will-centric. Mike-centric later chapters.

✨the winter tree resembles me ▻rating: E ▻status: On Hiatus ▻words: 2,706 ▻ship: Byler ▻description: The Revolutionary War is underway, and the upstanding Byers family, devout Quakers in their divinity, have expressly kept themselves out of the War of Rebellion. But newly rutted Alpha Will Byers has a grave secret he keeps from his parents. He has been recruited by his twin sister into Commander Washington’s clandestine ring of Rebel spies. But when he meets an English officer possessing bewitching brown eyes at the boarding house he’s assigned to, he slowly discovers the stranger has a secret of his own, as well as a tantalizing scent Will can’t resist. Lines will be drawn-loyalties tested and allies betrayed -no one is who they seem.

✨A Derelict Mind ▻rating: M ▻status: Ongoing ▻words: 8,259 ▻ship: Byler ▻description: Will wakes up to find himself chained to a chair in a room he doesn't recognize. There are orderlies and patients and a doctor with blonde hair and a terrifyingly sweet voice. But Will is not in one of his nightmares or one of Vecna's visions. He's a patient in Pennhurst Asylum, and everything he's known to be real: his friends, his family, the Upside Down... has been nothing but a delusion of a very sick patient.

Part of "A Certain Slant of Light" Universe.

✨Kind of Best Friend ▻rating: G ▻status: Complete ▻words: 1,206 ▻ship: Madwheeler (platonic or romantic) ▻description: Mike reads his letter from Max after returning to Hawkins.

✨ Mashed Potatoes ▻rating: G ▻ status: Complete ▻ words: 1,352 ▻ ship: Byler ▻description: "Wait," Mike says, grabbing the carton of milk out of Will's hand. Will blinks, his brows creasing in confusion. "What?" he asks with uncertainty. "We need milk, don't we?"

Mike stares at the carton Will has chosen. It's labeled with red lettering and a stamp of a picturesque farm across the front. Whole milk. Mike shrugs. "I mean----yeah. But-----" he raises an eyebrow. "Whole milk?" Will huffs and rolls his yes. "Yes. Whole milk? What milk did you want?" Mike shifts on his feet and pulls at the waist of his usual black jeans. "Well, I mean----we always drank skim at our house." Now, Will's mouth opens up a little. Offended.

"Skim?!" he asks, completely appalled. "Who actually drinks skim milk? You might as well drink water."

OR, Mike and Will really think the other is wrong in their grocery shopping decisions.

✨I Held On As Tightly As You Held Onto Me ▻ rating: T ▻ status: Complete ▻ words: 7,014 ▻ ship: Byler ▻ description: After years of life getting in the way---be it by distance or choices made--Mike hasn't seen Will in almost a decade. But one cold winter's night, he's back in town and Mike cooks him a meal.

✨When We Wake Up ▻ rating: T ▻ status: Complete ▻ words: 23,428 ▻ ship: Byler ▻description: Will and Mike having to share a room while waiting for the impending apocalypse and the utter torture it is for both of them.

✨Come Away With Me ▻ rating: T ▻status: Complete ▻ words: 18,760 ▻ ship: Byler ▻ description: “Two shots ring out! BAM!-then a pause-BAM! Mike’s head snaps towards the sound, squinting his eyes to orient himself to the darkness. A guttural, pained wail echoes through the trees as if some forsaken wraith howls at him in this lonely forest, it’s voice sounding all too familiar. Then, a loud screeching roar follows close behind it. Another shot! Mike sucks in a wretched, frightened breath, his heart thrashing in his chest so hard that it feels as if it might shatter his ribs. Dread settles sickeningly in his belly. "Will….” OR: The one in which Mike gets to be Will's knight in shining armor. Tending Wounds Fic.

✨ We Are All Fools In Love ▻ rating: T ▻ status: On Hiatus ▻ words: 13,098 ▻ ship: Byler ▻ description: Fifteen years after being forcibly separated as children, William Bennet recognizes a familiar brooding face, plucked from another lifetime across a crowded ballroom. As his and Michael Darcy's paths begin to merge once more, they discover they are now separated by more than only time and distance, but faults which lie within their own hearts. Matters of pride and prejudice. Regency au of our dreams.

✨First of All ▻rating: G ▻status: Complete ▻words: 1,772 ▻ship: Madwheeler ▻description: Mike's home from break during college and he and Max have to babysit his baby cousins. It's going as well as you can imagine. Set after the events of "The Pact."