#i started this sanguine but did not finish it that way

[loquaciousquark]

My dog is getting old. This has happened to everyone in the history of the world who has ever loved a dog.

It's my turn, horologically speaking, to watch age catch up to him. I keep trying on the grief to see how it fits. Today I'm more sanguine; today I'm remembering the good days and the good years. The lump in the throat still hurts.

It's hard for him to stand up now on the bad days. Especially in the evenings, especially when a few hours ago he'd flung himself wall to wall with joy when I got home from work; and especially first thing in the morning when he wakes stiff as a board in the hips. On the good days he can still take the four stairs up to the living room in one light-speed jump when he's on a tear, though he trusts the kitchen linoleum much less than he used to. Today's a bad day. Yesterday was worse.

There's a faint discolored patch on my quilt where he sleeps. Right side, foot. It took half a decade to show up, and every few months I give it an extra soak in a bleach-filled bathtub. It still never really goes away; besides, he puts it right back on. Not tonight, though. Tonight he sleeps in the front room, because the stairs up to me are too hard. He watched me go up tonight without him and his tail drooped so low it touched the floor. He's only been mine eight of his eleven years, but I was there when he came home the first time, when he was exactly eight weeks old. I held him up in one hand like a waiter's tray and it was easy. He's ninety pounds now and I can't help him much at all.

German Shepherds are prone to hip dysplasia. Half-breed, half-hipped, I'd hoped, but on the bad nights he struggles to get up on those back legs like he's heaving ballast off a sinking ship. The husky part of him just seems to make him shed and yell, especially when I'm late getting home. I'd hoped for a little more time from the mix, maybe. But maybe not.

He's finally gotten used to fireworks. Thunder's mostly all right now, unless it's very bad. The washing machine is a new terror; sometimes I forget until it goes into the spin cycle and he lifts my legs off the ground trying to crawl under me. He eats books when he's anxious, when I've committed the temerarious crime of coming home and leaving again in the same day. Cold Mountain is nothing more than shredded cardboard and a few strung-together chapters, a sacrificial lamb to preserve Catherine, Called Birdy and Holes. The Private Patient died years ago.

He didn't want to come indoors tonight. The dryer was going, almost as bad as the washing machine, and there were stairs between him and bed. He let me coax him in at last, because I can't lift him and can't push him, and he made it clear that when he stiff-leg trotted inside he did so because he loved me, not because he wanted to. I sat with him while he found an acceptable patch of rug in the front room; I cooed and petted him and gave him a treat he didn't earn. He still whined when I left and looked like he wanted to get up, but didn't think he could make it.

He's getting old; it's his turn. His muzzle is turning white and his eyes have gone cloudy with cataracts. 2+ nuclear sclerosis, maybe -- probably all a little blurry, that's all. No PSCs, no cortical spoking; central vision's honestly probably fine. The vet keeps saying dogs adapt well. He can certainly see the stray cat who keeps lurking on my front porch. I'd like them to be friends, but a week ago he got out and chased her off like a bullet from a gun. His hips were good that day, and adrenaline covers a multitude of sins.

I have a picture of the first time we took him to get a Christmas tree. He's sitting and looking up and his head isn't even high to my knee. I remember watching him tear around the dog park lap after lap after lap, the single mixed greyhound out of fifteen or twenty dogs the only one who could keep up with him. I have pictures of him at the end of nearly every lecture I give; lately I've been tripping over them like rocks, stony little griefs worked loose from a streambed when the water moves too fast.

I'm thirty-five years old. I keep thinking that every dog who was alive on the planet when I was born is dead. Most are long dead. My dog has meds to help, which is comforting. I have a vet who will help me put him to sleep in my home, his home, when the time comes. Two to four years, she guesses, maybe, if he doesn't get cancer. When I watch him struggle to stand up I wonder if that's not too long for kindness.

It's a very human thing to miss someone before they die. Dogs don't do that. They live in an endless now, like a kid in a yellow summer. Now, I love you. Now, it hurts -- now it stops. Now, I love you.

I want that for us for what's left, for whatever one two three four years we have. When it happens, I want him to die in no pain, looking at me holding him where all his toys are, his favorite rope, his purple pig, his leash, his tennis balls. I want him thinking nothing but Now, I'm tired; now, I'm happy.

The empty place at the foot of the bed hurts tonight. The grief stings and bites, worse because I know I'm borrowing it ahead of time, because he's asleep fifteen feet below me, warm and full, even if tonight's a bad night and the stairs are too hard. I have to sit in it, though, just for a few minutes. Try it on for size. It's his turn, I keep thinking, and mine. Everyone who has ever loved a dog has done this before me. Now, I love you. Now, I miss you. Now, it hurts.

[justanerdy-gal]

"Do You Resent Me?" (Astarion x Tav)

-> pairing: Astarion x Tav -> content: fluff/angst -> summary: In which Tav wonders whether Astarion resents her for convincing him to choose to reject the Black Mass ritual and not Ascend. Full of angsty fluff.

-> notes: The finished version of the WIP I posted yesterday. Astarion & Tav draws all the angst and cheesy fluff out of me 🥹

——————

“Do you resent me?”

Astarion looks up, wearily, from the corner of the Elfsong Tavern room that they had been staying in for some time now.

“Darling….what would I have to resent you for…?”

You slowly walk over to his corner of the room, and sit beside him on the edge of the bed. You observe him as he turns his gaze over to the hands in his lap.

“It…just feels like…you may have made your choice because of…me.”

Astarion turns his head to look back at you, betraying nothing in those crimson eyes at the moment, but listening.

“If I wasn’t around….you would have been free to make the choice you always wanted,” you continued, your eyes glassing over as you ponder the thoughts that have been plaguing you since the moment Astarion made his choice in the Szarr palace.

“The freedom that you always craved… did I take that away from you?”

Astarion’s eyes widened as you made your declaration.

“You… think it wasn’t the right choice?”

“Not that,” you tried to clarify. “Maybe… maybe I don’t know what the right choice is. But what mattered is… your choice.”

“You trusted me. You trusted me with a choice that, in the end, goes back centuries…” your voice starts to shake. “A choice with consequences you must live with for…eternity.” You look up at him as tears finally threaten to pour from your eyes. “What right did I have, to ask you to sacrifice yourself to the shadows?”

Astarion stares at you as he ponders your statement. He looks away from you as he stares at the cracked, drying paint on the wall of the old room.

“I think about it every minute, every moment.” Astarion speaks slowly, softly. “I think about the colours of the city. The warmth of the rays at dawn, beckoning me towards the next day. I think about the sanguine hunger I have suffered for over 200 years, and how I could be free from that pain. Free from all limitations. And how that will never be now… once the parasite is destroyed.”

You look up at him in despair as your body threatens to let out a sob.

“And I think about… how it would never be enough.”

It was your turn for your eyes to widen. His gaze had softened as his fingers move to entwine in your own.

“I see the colours through your eyes, through the stories that you tell me of your adventures. I feel the warmth through your skin as you lay beside me every night.”

“And your blood can sate me better than any power can.” You giggle as he smirks, softly wiping the tears from your eyes.

“Before you, before this nautiloid fiasco … I had no reason to want anything else but freedom and power. I only lived to escape what I was. I had everything to gain. And nothing to lose. So ofcourse, this Ascension seemed like an obvious choice.”

“But everything changed,” Astarion said breathily. “From the moment you wormed your way into my heart…you became a complication that I never expected. Suddenly, I had everything to lose.”

“I would have stayed,” you say thickly.

“I know you would,” Astarion says sadly, “but would you have been happy?”

“I probably would have been happy…happier than I was, for sure.” Astarion stares distantly at the wall as he speaks. “But where would that happiness end? What would sate me, if my happiness was dependent on power? I would have to take more, control more, be more…it is surely the fate that befell Cazador, that befalls all with power…more power than they know what to do with.” Astarion winces as he utters his late master’s name. “The need for power, for control, can never be sated. It would never be enough. Nothing would ever be enough.”

“But you, with me, here? That is enough. You are enough. We are enough.”

You pause as you ponder his words for a moment.

“Am I?” you whisper weakly as you stare at your entwined hands.

You feel the chill of his hands as they move up to hold your face tightly, and tilts your head up to look at him. The intensity in his eyes at that moment was like nothing you’ve ever seen on him before.

“Listen to me,” he says firmly, staring fiercely into your eyes, as if he was speaking through to your soul. “There is nothing in the world that I wouldn’t sacrifice to remain here by your side. You are my eternity. My mad love. Besides,” Astarion smiles as he stares into your eyes. “I still think it was the right choice, regardless. If I could go back and do it all over again, I’d make the same choice. Every time.”

Astarion’s words cause the tears that you were holding back to creep up to the surface, as your body begins to wrack with heavy sobs, as you let out the doubt and fear that you have been holding since you both learned that the Ascension was a thing – since you have contemplated that potential decision every minute of every day, since the moment Astarion asked you to help him, and you convinced him to give away that power, to save those souls, to save himself. Astarion pulls your head to his chest and holds you tightly as you shake against him.

“My darling, why do you weep? Don’t sell yourself so short. No one else has a heart like you. You’re the only one,” Astarion whispers into your ear.

“I love you,” you declare into his shirt, tears still staining the soft, white material.

“I love you too,” Astarion says, leaning backward, pulling you down with him until he was laying on his back, with your head resting on his chest, hands softly caressing your hair. “I can’t imagine another way I would want to spend the rest of my days, my love. I’m not afraid – not anymore. And especially not of our future.”

And that is how you both fell asleep, with the two of you in eachother’s arms and your dreams of the future in eachother’s hearts.

——————

My AO3 and Twitter 🙂

MASTERLIST

[d1s1ntegrated]

shigaraki x reader oneshot

includes: angst, pent up feelings, tomura being emo af, reader being soft, pretty sfw just some kissin :3

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tomura isn't good with his emotions.

he's clingy, angsty, childish. he wants to win everything and he ignores whatever makes him human.

so when he realizes that having you around makes him feel things, he feels sick. he wonders if he's cursed, he wonders if his past is finally coming to haunt him. they way you laugh at his jokes, the softness to your voice when you speak with him, the scent of your hair as you walk past him. he's so fucking angry with you, he's so confused and hurt and doesn't understand why.

he sits across the room from you and stares. he can't peel his eyes from you. he ignores you when you ask if he's feeling alright, he just gets up and storms off. when you knock on his door a few minutes later, he slowly cracks the door and rolls his eyes. it's the last thing he needs, to see you when all he wants to do is forget you exist.

"shiggy, are you okay? you've been staring off all night. did one of us do something?" you ask him in that same pleasantly soft voice, and it hurts his head.

"i'm fine." he avoids your eyes, but stares daggers into your socks. he picks at his nails from his sides and shrugs. you can hear everyone else from the other room, laughing and yelling at each other, and wonder if you should just go back out and give tomura his space.

"i can leave, if you want. you don't seem to want company. i didn't mean to bother." you propose, but he looks you dead in the eyes now, and in the smallest voice, replies,

"don't."

"okay." you nod and close the door behind you.

"do you want to talk about it?" you ask, and he shakes his head.

"just shut up and sit." he points to his messy bed, before shoving his piles of clothes off and fixing the duvet slightly. good enough.

"...okay." you comply, and sit. you go to speak but he cuts you off.

"y/n, do you think I'm sick?" he asks, and you look at him.

"what? that's the last thing i expected you to ask." you blink at him, confused.

"aren't you scared of me?" he asks another equally as odd question. you frown.

"if i was, do you think I'd be here?" he grits his teeth.

"yes, because you're reckless and impulsive and an idiot and i hate that." he starts, his tone annoyed.

"i mean you aren't wrong, but wh-" you try to reply, but he cuts you off.

"I'm not finished. don't cut me off." he snaps, but you nod and let him continue,

"i hate that you don't care. i hate that you laugh. i hate how you clean me up and you care for us and you're always here. every time i walk out the door i expect to come back and you're gone, but you're. always. here. you just don't leave! what is wrong with you, y/n, for you to be so stupid and naive, to care for people like us. like me. you're too soft. you're too...good. to be here." his voice cracks at the end, but his words are sharp as he speaks.

you stand and face him. his breathing is heavy, his hands shaking at his sides.

"im no better than you." your answer is simple, but it gets him to look you in the eye.

"why do you stay?" he is quieter now, like what he said before drained him.

you reach out and grab his gloved hand. he doesn't protest, but he winces. you squeeze his hand twice for reassurance, and you feel his hand untense slightly.

"because i want to." he looks to your hand touching his.

"why are you touching me?" he asks shakily.

"because i want to." you rub his hand with your thumb, feeling the roughness of his palm and the soft material of the glove.

"you aren't afraid?" he asks, his sanguine eyes blown wide from the contact. its not a new thing for you to touch him, but you don't do it often. usually only to path him up, or shove him playfully. never this...intimately.

you bring yourself closer to him and brush a strand of his soft hair out of his face. he shivers at the contact and clenches his jaw.

"are you?" you ask, and he scoffs.

"it feels like slow torture." he answers, and you're close enough to feel his breath on you.

"why's that?" you look up at him, your voice low, as if you're keeping a secret.

"because i know it's gonna end." he admits. your eyebrows raise, and you lock eyes.

"it doesn't have to, tomura." the sound of you saying his name makes him swallow hard.

"don't. don't say things like that, it pisses me off, i know it's a lie, i know you'll leave eventually and i don't want to deal with that." he pleads, his hand shaking in yours. you shake your head.

"i'm not leaving. i'm not afraid of you." you whisper now, but you release his hand and just hold your gaze on him.

"y/n. don't." he hushes, as if someone's watching. but the door is closed, everyone else is drinking and shouting still, too distracted with themselves to notice either of them are gone.

"i don't think you're a monster." you say, and it's enough for him to stop caring. his anger for you, his disdain for your stubbornness, his frustrations, all fizzle out into force, and he presses himself against you, his rough lips meet yours hastily, messily. he throws all of his preconceptions out the window as he grabs your face and kisses you. the tension that stood the few inches between you before, is swallowed up in the moment, and neither of you care. the air is heavy, your mind spinning. he tastes like sour apples and smoke, and suddenly it's all you can focus on. he smells subtly of the ocean, and you feel like you're drowning. you refuse to pull away, instead, you wrap your arms around the back of his neck and allow him to consume you. his kisses are hungry, desperate even, and uncoordinated. your teeth clash together and you laugh, but he still doesn't pull away. his hands move down to wrap around your waist, his fingers trailing down your sides and grabbing and tugging whatever he can.

finally, you both pull away for a breath, and you meet his eyes. they're wide, unsure. he opens his mouth to speak, but can't find the words, so you answer his unasked question before he finds the words.

"I'm not leaving still. if that wasn't confirmation enough, we can do that again, if you aren't sure" you smile as you say it, and he nods.

"i might need to double check" he smirks, and you allow him to pull you back in, smiling to yourself as his lips plant back onto yours.

if this is how it feels to be sick, tomura never wants to recover.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

my first one-shot! be nice i lowkey suck at proof reading :3 but anyways ye enjoy some soft angsty tomu and reader, and lmk if yall want either MORE of this or others!

also im working on a full-blown fic!

i won't go into detail, but its online to irl, slow burn, kinda not enemies but two angry ppl to lovers, and its obv shiggy x reader. :) ill prob post at least snippets here, and prob on my ao3 once i have a few chapters ready to go. so stay tuned!!

thanks yall <3

[chlerc]

player ten ; charles leclerc

— summary; in which Charles find himself in at the San Siro stadium but his eyes are on you. Donning a number 10 jersey, which left Charles to wonder if you’re that player’s girlfriend. It’s still worth a shot, right?

pairing — charles leclerc x f. reader ( third person story )

word count — 925.

content — strangers to lovers, okay more like Charles one sided thing he has for you, or so he thought. You might be that footballer’s girlfriend but hey was he ever going to pass up on a girl like you?

NAVIGATION + author’s note: to thank the Monaco charity football match for captain charles ( future ballon d’or winner who fell head first! ) and that one picture he’s holding the barça jersey just got this idea, more like drabble, going. we deal with this until i finish the mason mount fic hehe 😓

The football pitch was millions of perfect grass strands as eager for the start of play as the fans who brought the stadium to light. Two armies of eleven walked onto the green to pitch war in the way civilised societies have come to.

The cheers warm the air as much as any sun ever could and rise around the San Siro stadium as bubbles in invisible champagne. Charles is right there by the VIP section of the stadium, in his customised AC Milan jersey he had just received from the team.

San Siro stadium was where he found himself with Joris, on a day without a packed schedule and stimulator drives. Football has always been his thing and he’s got a special knack for it, or he thinks so in that way.

His eyes are trained on following each Milan player as they played against Sampdoria yet the person on his left, an empty seat between them, had been pissing him off, which he embraced silently. Holy shit was she loud with all those jarring noises she had been making.

Charles cranes his neck a little, sneaking a glimpse at the lady who has been all but silent throughout the match. But to be fair, who would be quiet at a football match? Realising he had made the mistake of sneaking a glance, because hell was she so breathtakingly gorgeous. She’s so fucking beautiful it almost hurts to look at her.

Her face to his eyes was all the beauty a woman can possess, not for her features, yet for the light in her eyes and the gentle warmth of her soul. She has the rosiest cheeks and a pointy nose anyone could ever ask for. There was a warmth her brown hair brought to her features, a simple frame for that smile and eyes. The hue altered as the strands curled and moved, as free as autumn leaves playing in the dayshine with the evening wind picking up its pace.

One last glance, Charles had promised himself and swore to stick to that and so he did sneak another glance. Rookie mistake, she was donning the AC Milan jersey just like every other home supporter there, but shit she had a number 10 and the name Brahim printed on the back.

He recognises the number and name was actually a player on the pitch and not a customised jersey like his. VIP seats, a player’s jersey and cheering for him. Charles pieces his observations together, coming to a conclusion that she might actually be Brahim’s girlfriend.

Okay. It wasn’t like he was planning on hitting her up anyways, she was too noisy to be his type. But then again was he lying to himself, because hell who would actually pass up on a gorgeous woman who happened to love the same sport as him? On another note, she could just be a devoted fan, a girl can have her fantasies wearing the jerseys of the players they love.

It was the 63th minute where Brahim sent the ball to the back of the net, chants erupting throughout the stadium and a shout piercing through the left side of his ear. Fuck maybe she was his girlfriend afterall, there was no way was he making a move on her now.

He watches her every move as she looks for her phone in the beige bag sitting on her lap. With her phone in her hand, the screen lights up and he almost felt sanguine in this situation. Maybe he still had a chance after all, right? It definitely means something if he’s the person on her wallpaper, right?

Which is exactly why he slides over to the empty seat, settling down next to her. “Good game eh?” Charles finds himself striking a conversation with her, hoping she’d notice him. “Huh? Yeah yeah, really good game.” Her cheeks were the blush of roses, that peak of champagne pink. The colour infused cheeks dimpled with the blossoming smile

She wished she didn't blush so fast, that she had some ability to keep her emotions to herself. In an instant, her cheeks were rosy and Charles saw her feelings as if she wrote them in little notes and handed them out to him. “So…Brahim, your boyfriend? He’s really good with Milan, he’s adapted to the team well.”

“No no, not a boyfriend but yeah he’s really good.” He licked at his lips subconsciously, thanking every god for his fate of meeting the gorgeous and single lady right next to him. “Not a boyfriend eh? You’re in his jersey and all that.” She only lets out a giggle at his comment, Charles thought it was strange that she’s acting like she didn’t know him. “Loyal supporter is what I’d call it, been by him since Madrid.”

“My teammate’s a Madridista, you’d love him.” The ends of her lips lifted up into a smile so sweet, her eyes creasing into crescents. “I’d prefer the one who supports AS Monaco.” She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, mumbling meekly. “What’s that?” Charles questioned, not managing to catch what she had said but it wasn’t meant for him to hear anyways.

“Nothing important.” He nods curtly at her reply, sliding a piece of folded and crumbled paper he had tucked in his pockets earlier. She eyes him warily, taking the piece of paper in her grasp.

“I might have a knack for football but I’m better as a driver and we can take a picture to replace that lockscreen. Mia cara, call me yeah?”

[likecastle]

Prompt “oh shit” “ I told you not to touch it!”

Thank you, anon! I forgot my own advice from the first one of these and wrote something (kinda) angsty. No serious warnings for this one--just misunderstandings, and some classic Nancy Wheeler passive aggression.

“Oh, shit!” Robin looks on in horror as the precarious stack of books Nancy had so carefully piled on her study carrel comes toppling down. The noise it makes, Robin is fairly certain, can be heard all across the Boston metropolitan area. Possibly she’s just triggered a sonic boom. Heads whip in their direction, and a great round of sanctimonious shushing rises up like a tidal wave.

“Robin!” Nancy hisses. “I told you not to touch that!”

“Well, they do say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing,” she jokes, trying to cover her chagrin. The look of exasperation on Nancy’s face makes Robin snap her mouth shut and start picking up the fallen books in silence.

Nancy is gathering up heaps of notecards that took the chance to spring free of the plastic box Nancy was storing them in, scattering all the way into the stacks. “Everything’s always a joke with you,” she mutters under her breath.

Robin feels herself flush—kind of impressive, given that she’s already humiliated herself so thoroughly—and dips her head to focus on the books she’s stacking. She’s starting to think coming here was a mistake—not just accompanying Nancy to the library, but coming to visit at all. It’s midterms, after all, and she could have just waited to see Nancy at home over spring break, but her semester ended a few days earlier than Nancy’s, and she’d thought it would be fun to drive back to Hawkins together. Nancy had sounded enthusiastic when Robin pitched the idea of a road trip—at least, Robin had thought she did. But now that Robin’s actually here, it feels like her presence is more of a nuisance than a welcome distraction.

Robin’s been trying to tell herself it’s just exam stress, but it’s getting harder and harder to convince herself that's true. After last night, Robin’s seriously considering just shelling out for a bus ticket back to Hawkins. And now, of course, she’s gone and made things worse.

Once she’s stacked the fallen books back on the desk again—probably not in the right order, but at least they’re not sprawled on the floor—she takes a careful step back and says, “I’m gonna go get a cup of tea from that place we went yesterday. D’you want anything?”

“I’m fine,” Nancy huffs. Then, thinking better of it, “Coffee—”

“—black,” Robin finishes, “I know. Promise you won’t leave before I get back?”

Nancy rolls her eyes, which Robin figures is as much reassurance as she’s going to get.

It doesn’t take her long to make her way out of the library and get in line at the little café around the corner. It’s sort of a relief, actually, to be out in the fresh air, away from the anxious silence of the library and Nancy’s own inexplicable bad mood. If only Robin knew what she’d done wrong—before she caused a massive book avalanche, that is. Nancy’s mood has been sour ever since they left the party last night, and Robin can’t for the life of her figure out why.

She’s trying to decide whether she wants Mystic Mint or Calming Chamomile when someone taps her on the shoulder. She turns to find a fresh-faced girl standing behind her. Robin knows they were introduced at the party last night, but she can’t quite recall the girl's name. Rebecca or Regina or Ramona, something like that.

“Robin, right?” the girl says.

“At your service,” Robin says, and then, for some totally unknown reason, she gives a little dramatic twirl of her hand like a Victorian gentleman doffing his cap. No wonder Nancy's so sick of her.

The girl quirks a bemused, almost pitying smile. “How’s Nancy doing this morning?”

“Annoyed at me, mostly,” Robin says, trying to be sanguine about it. “What can I tell you? I’m just really good at getting on Nancy Wheeler’s nerves. It’s a talent, honestly. I should put it on my resume.”

The girl—Renata? Romilda?—laughs incredulously. “I mean, I’d be pissed, too, if my date spent the whole night talking to someone else.”

Everything around Robin goes silent. All she can hear is the ringing in her ears. “Uh—what?” she croaks.

Roberta-or-Roxanna says is saying something, but Robin isn’t listening. It feels like that single word has replaced the sound of her pulse in her ears—date date date. Is that what last night was? Is that why Nancy was so weird about asking if she wanted to go to the party, assuring Robin over and over that they didn’t have to go if she didn’t want to? Is that why she’d worn her dressy shoes, the black ones that pinch her toes?

Now that she thinks of it, the place they had dinner before-hand was a little nicer than she’d expected it to be. And their table had been kind of secluded in the back, with those fancy candles. Maybe that would explain why Nancy had been so irritated when Robin started toasting her breadstick over the open flame.

She thinks back to how Nancy had introduced her to her friends at the party. She hadn’t said, “This is Robin, my friend from home,” or, “Robin and I went to high school together.” She’d just said, “This is Robin,” and Robin remembers thinking how strange it was that all of Nancy’s friends had glanced at each other like they knew exactly what that meant. She’d thought at the time they must have heard some embarrassing stories about her from their time in Hawkins. Only maybe that hadn’t been it at all.

She realizes, absently, that she’s holding up the line. The barista is staring at her, waiting for her to order, and the other people behind her in line are starting to get impatient, and Roseanna-or-Rowena is looking at her like maybe she’s left the planet.

“I’ve gotta go,” Robin says, to nobody in particular, before peeling out of the line and running out of the café without a second look back.

[wrenanigans]

SAW A SKYRIM POST YOU REBLOGGED. SKYRIM FAN???

YES! New skyrim fan! I finally started playing the game 12 years after its release and I am HOOKED! I’m gonna use this ask as an excuse to ramble so uh, long post beware xD

Okay so my first ever run has been the most chaotic shit. I just finished the main questline, but it was a JOURNEY to get there.

I’ve been playing with my gf @bucca2 who introduced me to the game. The first thing she did, as soon as we got out of the tutorial (and got mods working, including multiplayer), was take me to a little farm up north to meet somebody. “You liked Kefka, I think you’ll like this one,” she said. Cryptic and concerning! And I found this wagon and met Cicero.

To quote Aby, “Yeah, honestly, it was like taking a kid to Disneyland for the first time. There was this quiet wonder in his voice like he was discovering magic was real...honestly, I wish I had been recording. It was very adorable. He was hooked from Cicero's first voice line.”

Dude, when I say “blorbo at first sight” I mean I was down bad in an instant. I was writing fanfic based on that interaction alone (with some helpful hints from Aby). I had dreams about the bastard on night one. I got obsessed.

That feral enthusiasm did not wane as the game went on, because I went straight for the Dark Brotherhood questline. I was the Listener before I had even spoken with the Greybeards. I even updated a mod from an old Skyrim edition myself so I could marry Cicero. I was all about that wretched little fool and it was making a fool of me.

With Cicero as my first companion, I went onto the Thieves’ Guild quests next. Did you know that you can fail the tutorial pickpocketing quest? Because that’s what I did! They recruited me anyway. I got up to the Sepulcher quest, but never finished it, so I just have the skeleton key xD

When we assassinated the vampire in the DB questline, I got infected, and decided “eh, why not!” So I became a vampire. This made the inheritance of Bloodchill Manor extra fun — I simply sat back and watched the bloodbath! I only had to lift a finger when the Dawnguard came knocking xD

I went to the Bards’ College next. We’d “acquired” an expansion mod for it (do not get me started on other modders who charge for their shit. i have strong 🏴‍☠️ opinions) so that was a fun extra questline.

Up next was some Daedric prince shenaniganry. I got the Ebony Blade and did some light murderizing to buff it, then met Sanguine for some debauchery. My stealth archer build got even more broken when I stopped by to pick up Barbas from Clavicus Vile. Immortal dog to tank for me? Yes please!

Then I did the Dawnguard questline! I accidentally-on-purpose cheesed the pilgrimage to go fill the ewer. I got so lost in the Vale that I found the palace treasure room when I was only on shrine two. Seeing Serana shove the snow elf bastard off the cliff was fun, though I did miss the loot…

After that, I decided it was time for some warmongering, and signed up for the Imperial Legion. Which was a little awkward, considering I’d assassinated the Emperor already, but what they don’t know can’t hurt me! I had great fun in the battles where I simply perched up high and picked Stormcloaks off, like some sort of nefarious gargoyle. Also, General Tullius? would. He also saved my ass when I got lost in the Whiterun battle and found by 7 or so Stormcloaks, and he tanked while I shot them down. Sometimes the game’s mechanics make for great story :P

Finally, it was time for the mainline quest. I tolerated Delphine until she was no longer useful, at which point I turned to Parthurnax for guidance. Being told to go on a grand quest to find the Elder Scroll I already had was pretty entertaining, especially considering I’d done the same thing with the dragonstone from the first dungeon (which I’d gone to early to retrieve the golden claw). It was also funny as hell when I tried to talk my way into heaven and the only faction dialogue choices I had where the two that the dude didn’t like xD

After that, I went, “well now what? …probably lunch.” So I went and munched on somebody, as a vampiric treat. That’s where I last left my playthrough! I’ve had an absolute blast with the game, even if I am playing it ass-backwards. I may go do the Dragonborn DLC content next. If you have any recommendations for more shit to get up to, I’d love to hear it! Especially if it involves murder xD

[dmitriyuriev]

Hi! I saw the post with your DLC thoughts (reblog from your main), and... girl, you're just reading my mind. Once again I'm just glad to be not alone in this. All so true... I've been greatly inspired by this game and the original lore, too. And became really dissappointed with the DLC. Yes, there are nice lore bits (on Marika and some others), new characters... Messmer, after all... But the main story looks like just a late April fool's joke.

I'm especially sad over what they did to Mohg. Agreed with you, and someone had to say this! Yeah, him being a victim makes no sense. Maybe, also fanservice and a joke for all those making dirty jokes about him... But it's so unreasonable. I too think it was the Formless Mother all along.

And Ansbach. Still need more thoughts on Ansbach, some people tend to like how reasonable and sane he looks... But what we get is his POV, his opinions, and he's still a devout follower.

That 'beat the allegations' make my eye twitch, too. I like Mohg pretty much, but let he stay a villain in all his viullanous glory, not the victim.

Thanks for the support and food for thought (over my own theories&headcanons).

Must also say, I loved that angsty Mohg&Miq fiq you've illustrated once (with deformed Miq hatched from his cocoon and Mohgwyn dynasty succeeding), your art made me start reading it (still need to finish it lol). So if you make more art after all, that will be great.

Yeah, I’ve talked to a number of people now dissatisfied with the DLC main story, it’s just so disconnected from what they set up in the base game. It’s a shame too after they made such a beautiful world and even gave us more on Trina, who has a lovely design… but the stuff I was most excited for was Mohg and Miquella, and they got hit the worst.

I swear people are just latching on to whatever excuse they can to avoid the implications of how Mohg violated Miq’s body, even though the charm isn’t complete mind control… he still had the blood cult and found the Mother, and Miq was trying to ward off Outer Gods, not get tangled up in them like what Mohg was trying to do

I don’t know why people act like Ansbach is some chill and good person, he’s still part of the BLOOD CULT. And we’ve seen through the sanguine nobles and even Mohg himself that the dynasty values elegance and refinement (look how they dress, and their swordplay, and how Mohg greets you, Ansbach’s incantation even points out how unusual it is for being so aggressive) so I don’t think it’s that surprising that he would be polite. Either way, he’s loyal to his lord so of course he’d focus on wrongs against him instead of anything Mohg was doing to Miq.

Yeah, Mohg is great because of his past leading to a warped sense of love, that results in him doing such horrific things, taking that away from him makes him so much more boring, why would people even want not to have the implied sexual abuse (or parallel to it)? That too was a fascinating part of his character.

Oh, Divine Spectacle? It’s a favorite of mine, I love looking at a possibility where Mohg’s goals succeed and it’s so well written, I’m glad my art could get someone to read it, that’s one of the many reasons I like to illustrate fics! I think I will still keep drawing them, even if it’s just out of spite for people trying to deny his abuse of Miq, and also there are many good fics I’d like to draw for too

[hendrickfw]

I´m not sure if I´ll do it, but my mind won´t stop having ideas for a fanfiction of my Dragonborn and his adventures throught my modded playthroughs. I just wanted to write some ideas here, though really doubt I´ll ever write about it.

-My LDB´s named Hendrick. He was borned under a lukiul family in Gideon, Argonia. His family was killed by a group of An-Xileel, leaving him an orphan. Around 4E 183 he was found by a Nordic collectionist that traveled to Gideon to buy some artifacts for the museum he was trying to make in Anvil. When the man found the six-year old Argonian he decided to bring him back to Anvil. He was also married to an Imperial noble family of the city. When they arrived to Anvil his new parents gave him the name of Hendrick. His new mother fought on the Great War alongside her brother.

-Hendrick soon followed the academic life of his family, being interested in the past from young. He helped his father study old artifacts and explore some nearby ruins. He was also trained by his mother and uncle on the sword and bow, fearing the Thalmor would invade again when Hendrick became an adult. His uncle is part of the Fighters Guild btw.

-Despite the peace treaty, his family kept worshipping Talos, so Hendrick also started worshipping him. Hendrick still learned about his culture with other local Argonians, but he follows Talos as his main god.

-When he grew up, Hendrick was sent to the Imperial City to formalize his studies. He started getting interested in the Ayleid history as well as the old Skyrim cultures (Nord, Dwemer and Falmer). While he was on the Imperial City he met Lucien Flavius, Auryen Morellus and Professor Marassi.

-After finishing his studies, Hendrick got back to Anvil and kept working on his father´s museum and collection. I´m still not sure what or how, but Hendrick made an importante discovery for the city´s history.

-After that discovery, Hendrick was contacted by Auryen, who wanted to make a Gallery Museum in Solitude, and wanted Hendrick to be the museum´s relic hunter. He accepted and took the first ship to Skyrim. In the ship he met another Argonian named Lucifer. Lucifer, seeing the opportunity of adventure with Hendrick, decided to go with him.

-When Hendrick and Lucifer arrived on Solitude they witnessed Ulfric´s escape from the city after killing Torygg, and thus the start of the Civil War. A day later they witnessed Roggvir´s execution.

-The first thing Hendrick does for the museum is to organize a donation festival so the people of Solitude could give the museum stuff, help the gallery grow and letting Solitude´s people have a place that represented their history. Tullius and the jarl are the one´s that contribute the most.

-During his firsts expeditions throught Skyrim, Hendrick would expand his team meeting other modded folllowers. The ones I like to include are Xelzaz, Inigo, Caryalind, Kaidan, Khash, Redcap, Taliesin, Lucien, Nebarra and Remiel.

-The only official members that join the Explorer´s Society are Hendrick, Remiel, Lucien and Xelzaz. Despite that, everyone helps one way or another. They all live in the Safehouse and it´s utterly chaos.

-Before starting Skyrim´s main quest Hendrick would fight an Altmer collecting Daedric artifacts for the Thalmor. Hendrick got a few of them (Dawnbreaker, Sanguine Rose and Wabbajack), so the Altmer stole them to deliver them to the Cyrodiil border. Hendrick fights him and, after defeating him, he got separated from his team and caught up on an Imperial ambush and got captured with Ulfric. The Alduin conflict starts.

-Probably Inigo would be the one to get Dawnbreaker with the help of Lucien and Xelzaz. Nebarra, Taliesin and Kaidan made the Sanguine´s mission. Hendrick, Xelzaz and Lucifer did the Sheogorath´s stuff. The evil Altmer did the rest of the Daedric quests. Hermaeus Mora quest is done later during the Elder Scroll fetch to defeat Alduin

-Hendrick would end up with Lydia. Caryalind and Kaidan end together. I´m not sure of other ships.

-Lucifer would be the one to do the Companion´s questline with the help of Nebarra and Inigo. Other members would help during certain quests. Hendrick just helps to get Kodlak to Sovngarde to get something of Ysgramor for the museum.

-Hendrick, besides the Legacy´s stuff, main quest, siding with the Dawnguard and defeating Miraak, also makes the College stuff and ends the Civil War with the imperial, mostly because the Stormcloaks forced him to choose the other side.

-Other quests that add stuff to the museum like Moon and Star, Wyrmstooth and Wheels of Lull happen. Maybe I´ll do something inspired by Lucien´s line at the end of Moon and Star where he suggests a "League of Heroes", or at least more interactions between both Hendrick and the Nerevarine.

-When Odyssey of the Dragonborn happens, everyone follows Xelzaz to his mission to High Rock and help him during his mission. Same happens with Inigo´s prophecy

-Remiel´s quests are done by Hendrick, but the ones that help the most are Xelzaz and Redcap.

-Nebarra, despite never saying a word, loves the mead that Xelzaz makes.

-Nebarra and Taliesin redemption arc before the Second Great War. They´re friends with a Talos worshipper so they need to.

-Khash is adopted by everyone. Caryalind, Xelzaz and Hendrick are the ones that raise her the most.

-Xelzaz is my favorite follower of them all, so I´d definitely reflect that on the friendship.

-And other stuff. Yeah, probably not gonna write a fanfic. After all of this the Second Great War happens, everyone is forced to leave Solitude with the museum´s relics and they start fleeing to High Rock and Hammerfell. They meet Uriel Septim V and then start a new rebellion, as well as some lore-breaking stuff about Hendrick´s family, but I won´t say more. I just wanted to get this off my system. I know it´s dumb, but my mind doesn´t stop

[localplaguenurse]

Do you think there is/was a cult that worship the Regina Sanguine to an obsessive degree

Like yk how the overzealous religious cults go

Oh probably. I started to kinda explain everything about how wifey as a goddess worked last night to @crystalflygeo but I put like a Lot of thought into it so I can say yes they did absolutely have a cult or two worshipping them.

I'm supposed to be finishing dad fic but I'm counting this as a little brain break to just info dump. This gets long, I have been quietly insane with this knowledge for a while.

Also spoilers for As Gold as the Ginkgo Trees but that is a given.

I already touched on it in the fic but I'm gonna go more in depth here. Regina Sanguine, or the Blood Queen, is in reference to the fact they are a mortal being of flesh and blood compared to Rex Lapis, the Rock King, a being made of geo. It is also tangentially related to the fact that Morax is the Warrior God and deals out punishments to those who break contracts with him.

There are three aspects of worship in regards to wifey. One is their "role" as a loving fertility goddess. Another is their role as Mother of Arts. The last is them being an omen of vengeance and punishment.

The fertility goddess is simple enough. Their lore stems around the idea of marriage and families, so naturally they are associated with those things as they become a more prominent figure. It's why I had ginkgo tree and silk flower imagery become important to weddings in the lore of the fic, because their actual dress looked and smelled like a silk flower, and they grew up in a monastery with ginkgo trees. (And thanks to a certain ginger, we also know that wifey was... really into practicing fertility *wink wink nudge nudge gets shot*)

The Mother of Arts, again pretty simple. When you have 2000 years to practice art, you're gonna get good at it eventually and perhaps have a hand in several art movements. Not just that, but they would give "blessings" to struggling artists (aka actually really handy advice and encouragement), so they are appreciated in that sense.

Now, the omen of vengeance and punishment, now that I have been waiting to be asked about.

Wifey has taken inspiration from two Greek myths; Persephone, Queen of the Underworld, and more modern interpretations of Medusa. The Persephone parallel is more relevant to how they were worshipped, but their connection to their motherly figure and also being literally taken from their old home by their husband and brought elsewhere was slightly inspired by that. The Medusa comparison is the main one.

So first and foremost, I want to say this myth is not necessarily the actual story of Medusa. She and the other gorgons were already established characters before this particular story came about. However, this is the more largely known iteration of the story which is where I got the idea.

So if you know, Medusa was a worshipper of the goddess Athena, and had an eternal vow of chastity. During a visit to Athena's temple, she is assaulted by Poseidon, or is otherwise tricked by him, and as a result, she is cursed with her more snakelike appearance, and that anyone who looks at her will turn to stone. Depending on how you read into that myth, it can be interpreted as Athena unjustly punishing an abuse victim, or it can be seen as Athena trying to bless her in a way that would seem unsightly to other men, by altering her appearance and literally making anyone who so much as looks at her turn to stone.

Now obviously you can guess which scene was inspired by that specific myth. The Abbess has made wifey's life hell, and after physically assaulting them and attacking Wei Jin, she is first impaled and then turned to stone for it. This story of course spread throughout Liyue once wifey became more established, so much like how the Medusa head was used to ward off evil and is a common symbol for assault survivors, wifey is a symbol for abuse survivors as well. The reason they are specifically an omen and not an actual goddess is because they did not hurt the Abbess, but their husband certainly fucking did.

So onto the actual question of did they have cults-

I'm just gonna link this video here because 1. good channel, I love their trope talks series, and 2. this is where I got the main Persephone inspiration from. Also for some reason Tumblr won't let me put the actual video into this sooooooooo yeah. I'm not gonna make you watch a 20 minute video for like one reference so I'm just going to poorly summarize the relevant information: One of Persephone's believed names was Despoina, in reference to a mystery cult in Arcadia that worshipped her and her mother. It's largely accepted that they're the same goddess, but we don't have exact confirmation because mystery cults and Despoina's main thing was her real name was a secret unless you were actually initiated into her followings. The other thing about Persephone is she is a Cthonic goddess, and the thing about Cthonic gods? You did not want to get their attention and saying their name was a very good way to do that.

Now, did I have wifey's name become "forgotten" aside from the title of Regina Sanguine so I could avoid putting a (y/n) in the fic? Yes, but it also ties into the idea of them being worshipped as a terrifying omen of vengeance and punishment. If you say their name, you get their attention, and if you have their attention, you have Morax's attention as well, so you had best be on your best behaviour and showing your appreciation to his wife.

Being worshipped as a fertility goddess... yeah honestly you can take a wild guess how that turns out. As soon as you said cults I honestly flashed back to when I was playing one of my few rounds of Fear and Hunger and stumbled across the bunnymasks in the backyard. I'm just exploring and I come across a hidden corner with a bunch of people in bunny masks getting it on for their goddess Sylvian, who is also behind the "marriages" in the game.

So like, yeah. Wifey had a couple cults here and there, and was worshipped both as a symbol to abuse survivors, an artist, and a fertility and marriage goddess. They were predominantly worshipped as for the fertility part and so their specific cults were... very fertile.

Tldr: Yes.

[discobrainrot]

hiiiiiii those last swap au hcs were so good, mind if I shake you down for a few more? 👀

Kim's ledger takes him out at the knees.

It's buried - not in a dumpster, but in a heap of twisted metal. The MC, Kim's once beloved Kineema, is reduced to jagged edges and broken glass. Like his mirror in the whirling. Like his glasses. Like Kim.

It was beautiful once, he thinks, running gloved hands over the scratched and dented metal. He was proud of it. In a way, he still is. It's tilted onto its side, its undercarriage exposed like a servile dog. How much money did he spend on this car? How many hours went into carefully maintaining every function? How did he let it come to this? They've already performed a human autopsy, but this is worse – it feels sacrilegious. 

Behind him, Harry shudders and avoids meeting his eyes. 

"It's cold." He mutters. Kim didn't ask.

He's drawn to the MC... there's something inside that he needs. So, he hoists himself up, peering in through a still-open door. It's carnage. Once pristine white suede, the seats are marred by slashes of sanguine. A memory of stolen cherries returns to Kim – fingers and teeth stained red. But it doesn't matter. Dropping down inside, he gathers what he needs. It doesn't take long, and he doesn't want to spend too long inside. 

Getting out is more of a struggle, but he's not alone this time. The big oaf must have climbed up while Kim was inside. Harry reaches a big, meaty hand forward. He's scared. What does he have to be scared of?

"I'm fine." Kim hisses but takes Harry's arm anyway. He's already made Harry cry once – it wasn't as satisfying as he thought it'd be. Apologizing tasted bitter, but Harry gratefully accepted it.

He doesn't apologize this time, climbing back up and dropping down without looking back. Once out of the MC, he stows his tools and takes a long, hard look at his ledger. 

"Maybe..." Harry says, scrambling to follow him. "Maybe you– uh, I mean, we should come back to this later." 

Kim ignores him. It's a blue book, RCM branded and kept in shockingly good order. It feels good. It feels right. The forms are familiar – fines, station calls, autopsy reports. Harry already took the time to explain them with an irritating amount of kindness. (Irritating because his compassion is genuine.) The case files are another matter. They're named. Some of them tickle the back of Kim's brainstem. 

It starts with THE CHILD. Kim shudders and turns away from it quickly. The following case, THE MAN WITH THE HOLE IN HIS HEAD, elicits a slight sound. Something between a chuckle and a groan. It's funny, but it's not. Next, MOTORCYCLE EMPTINESS. Boring, but the notes are thorough. 

Distantly, he realizes that his breathing is shallower. Are his hands shaking? They feel like they're shaking. Behind him, Harry says something, but he can't make out the words. He turns the page.

The next case is DOM'S UNFINISHED. After that, DOM'S UNFINISHED 2. He doesn't read them – he can't. The ledger is falling. Slipping away. That's odd.

Then, the world spins, but Kim doesn't hit the ground. As his vision fades, he's vaguely aware of a pair of robust arms holding him up and a frantic, confused voice calling his name.

Funny, part of him chatters; for once, it feels like your name, doesn't it?

Darkness closes in, but he can't bring himself to feel afraid. 

When he wakes, it's in Harry's Coupris 40. He doesn't have to ask what happened. Harry explains that he passed out. Something about his ledger must have been...

But he doesn't finish, and Kim doesn't push him to. The name Dom echoes violently in the back of his mind, but he doesn't chase it. He's not ready, not yet. 

"When... when you are ready," Harry says quietly, "you don't have to go through it alone."

Kim's ledger is pressed into his hands, and he shudders. Usually, he hates it when Harry does that – it's like being pried open. But here and now...?

"It's nothing," Kim lies, but his heart isn't in it. Neither of them mentions it, but Harry's eyes soften. He understands. God help him. Harry understands.

[house-of-mirrors]

I kept saying "one day I will type the Nemesis rant” and I finally did

TL,DR: I criticize Nemesis because it’s my favorite. It had so much potential and good build-up in the first parts, but the ending was rushed, anticlimactic, and unsatisfying to me. Act 3 really dropped the ball. I know, “revenge stories aren’t supposed to be satisfying, they’re supposed to leave you empty!” There are ways to execute that theme while still doing justice to a story. Build more upon lore and motives. Make the side characters along the way less of stock characters. Make the story mechanically engaging to play. I felt strong emotions for several weeks following Nemesis and it will be a story that haunts me forever. I don’t think it was a bad story, but there are parts that definitely could have been better.

Obvious major spoilers for Nemesis. Also spoilers for SMEN, Railway, Bag a Legend, and some minor ones for the other ambitions. Finally, a note that I started playing in late 2020 when the ambitions were finished so I do not have context for what it was like to wait long times between updates or what FL was like in its earlier days. The views and opinions expressed ahead are solely from my own experiences, etc.

Mechanics

Nemesis is the shortest of the ambitions. When I finished, I sort of felt like, “that’s it?” Every other ambition needs the lab and/or Parabola. Why not this one? There’s a whole section of the ambition that happens in Parabola that could have been easily integrated. Studying the cardinal’s honey could have been done in the lab and could have given a unique item or something afterward like the jaguar blade in Bag a Legend. I just felt lost and overwhelmed when I finished Nemesis with no idea what I was supposed to do next, no clue how to progress into Railway and other newer content. There was no bridge from ambition to endgame.

The whole climax of the ambition was just buying knives! Not mentally stimulating or creative, nor does it open any path for character development. Working towards a variety of sequential goals like other ambitions’ endings are set up would have been more engaging. I think the other ambitions struggle with pacing too, with action spaced between long grinds that risk losing the player’s interest. Nemesis is my favorite, though, so that’s what we’re picking apart here!

Narrative Stakes

There's little sense of escalation. You’re scheming to do the impossible and unheard of: kill a Master of the Bazaar. That ought to make you Public Enemy No. 1. But you never face any serious obstacles or consequences. Getting the mirror shard into the Bazaar gives you some suspicion but. Okay. That’s it? You kill or otherwise seriously injure Cups, and you walk away without any repercussions. No one acknowledges it.

I focus primarily on Act 3 here, but I can’t resist adding how most of the characters along the way are underdeveloped stock characters. What reasons do Mackay, Carrywell, the Sanguine Auctioneer, etc. even have to be invested in the plot? What debts did Scathewick need to repay that led to being a licentiate for a Master? We get some detail that Lilac is being forced into it by Cups, but her whole part is not explained at all and I’m still confused as to what happened during the Missing Month or what it was meant to accomplish.

There's a brief part saying the relickers are watching you, but that never actually goes anywhere. It would have been a pain to draw cards, but what if there was something of having to deal with all four of them before you could progress? Cups explicitly says it had been watching your movements, so why didn’t it do literally anything to try to stop you? It didn’t want to die.

I thought it would have been cool to have some step of having to go to the slow boat to finish the job. A man who seeks revenge must first dig two graves, etc. While we’re talking about wounds, I’d have liked more acknowledgement of how physically taxing cardinal’s honey is on the body and give some sort of consequence or quality. Furthermore, where does cardinal’s honey come from? That isn’t well explained, Lilac isn’t well explained, the book of red murder isn’t well explained. Please, some lore?

I played Nemesis because I wanted, you know, a nemesis, a personal rival and the character dynamics that arise from that. Cups doesn’t even appear till the end. We know next to nothing about it. We learn Mirrors’ entire backstory moments before meeting Cups but... nothing about Cups whom the ambition was actually about. And its motives? It wanted painful stories to hurt the Bazaar because it wants her and the sun to suffer. This is vague and requires significant lore knowledge to comprehend. I know it’s a popular fan theory that Mirrors’ demise was what broke Cups to seek revenge stories, and I like the theory, but it remains a theory. Please a crumb of canon info.

The only tie-ins during railway I can remember are a small thing at Helicon House, an option in waking the Merchant, and a vague comment Pages makes to you when talking about how the Masters have lost some of their ranks (which you also get from doing BAL). I want recognition! Give the player acknowledgement in revolutionary and criminal circles. Make the Masters nervous around them. If they killed Cups, make them still scared of disappearing or being arrested. BAL has the player kill Veils but it still shows up in other stories and is replaced by Stones for BAL players, so why can't they do the same for Cups? At the very least, I would have enjoyed some acknowledgement at Station VIII (and this goes for LF players with Fires as well). Why would the Masters nonchalantly accept food from the player who poisoned one of them? We know how I love Wines, but me bringing it up here is relevant since it’s the Master that takes over for Cups and Mirrors if you do the murder ending. Could Wines not have special dialogue acknowledging Nemesis in some of its interactions with the player? Please, it’s my favorite bat to bully and I made its life exponentially worse here, give me a crumb of acknowledgement for my crimes.

(One thing I must say: the Esurient Smith is my best friend, my skrunkly, my poor little meow meow, and there is NOTHING wrong with him.)

The Dreaded Aside about SMEN

Disclaimer: while the above sections are objective to the source material, this section is purely speculation. We all know how I feel about SMEN and AK, and I feel like the conspiracy board meme bringing it up here, but it is something I think about a lot when I think about my criticisms of Nemesis, and this rant is entirely about my own opinions so I’m including it. Feel free to skip to the conclusion section if this isn’t your thing.

The tone and mechanics of Nemesis very much to me feel like pre-2020 Fallen London, as if Nemesis was finished long before the other ambitions and never revisited.

If you kill Cups, at the end you get a choice to leave a story on the Bazaar either of mourning for its victims or a tale of a vengeance never satisfied (I chose mourning). To me, this is a glaring parallel to the two ending paths of SMEN, “grieve” and “hate.” Now there’s nothing wrong with playing a Nemesis character who turns into a seeker, it makes a lot of sense for someone who wants to take vengeance upon the Masters a step further! I almost went down that path. But wait, there’s more!

Nemesis is the ambition that takes the player to the Avid Horizon and is one of the only ways to visit if you aren’t doing SMEN (The ES Where You And I Must Go and a certain ending of Watchful Gains being the others). There’s that brief part when you’re deducing who did it and you can guess Eaten and get some nice horror text. Nemesis has the Lady in Lilac as a major character, who also plays a major role in SMEN as well as the bizarre theater scene in Feast of the Rose which was clearly written by AK, man has a distinct writing style (derogatory). To make another point with mechanics, ehhhh making the player buy 777 knives and rely on a luck check for no other reason than to frustrate the player is reminisce of winking isle and AK’s philosophy with cultist sim and ssea. Additionally, Nemesis has the part villainizing the Revolutionaries and having February be mean to the player for no reason? Ok, sit down, AK, I know it’s you!

HD, LF, and BAL all have references to SMEN; LF alongside Nemesis is mentioned at the Carnival at Midnight; BAL has the plot point and ending path with the Third City and Vake-the-Betrayer (which I usually avoid thinking about because ehhh demonizing and stereotyping an indigenous culture). Nemesis isn’t unique in having connections to SMEN or having parts that aged poorly, but it does have much more than the others.

“R you can’t blame everything you don’t like about Fallen London on AK, and Nemesis was finished long after he left the company!” Yes, yes, I know this. This is all purely conjecture, where am I going with it? It just makes me wonder if he wrote more of Nemesis than other ambitions, and since the devs generally don’t touch/update things he worked on, maybe Nemesis was in an awkward phase where no one knew what to do with it. Cracked foundations, etc.

In Conclusion

One ambition has a complex and emotionally charged relationship with a rival who is revealed to be a Master of the Bazaar; makes the player make increasingly dramatic choices that make them wonder how far they’d go for their goals; naturally involves the revolutionaries in killing a Master; has a powerful climax that takes all of your strength, wits and resources to stand against a powerful foe that does not want you to win; explores in personal detail its backstory; rewards the player with Master’s Blood at the end in exchange for the large chunk of monetary resources required to complete the ambition; and has long-term repercussions for the fact you killed a Master of the Bazaar with people acknowledging you with the fear you deserve. And the other ambition is Nemesis. I love Bag a Legend, have nothing against it, and am glad it was that good, but where was this energy for Nemesis?

I just heavily squint at all of it.

[kookaburra1701]

Summer WIP tag game!

I was tagged by @thana-topsy, I am so excited about what might happen with Halfway to the Sky, I am 💓vibrating💓 and also 👀 at a potential Dark Brotherhood story

I tag @ms-katonic-of-tamriel @mswhich @canonicallymoriche

1) Describe one creative WIP project you’re planning to work on over the summer.

I am working on a trilogy of novel-length fics called Wives of Shor (WIP snippet here: Moth to Flame.) It's a fic that started out as a pastiche of bodice-ripper romances starring Kaidan and Lucien Flavius getting sex-pollened by Sanguine, but it has become a tale about loving someone from an entirely different background than you, having a crisis of faith, and learning how to move on and live a good life when you've done unspeakably terrible things in the past.

I'm planning on having the entire first novel written out + at least most of first drafts of the second and third before beginning to post, so it will be awhile.

OK the game says one but screw that here's some other WIPs I'd like to chip away at, even if they aren't my highest priority:

A Wives of Shor prequel that explains why Lucien only made it to Falkreath before deciding that he REALLY needed some protection on the road.

A fic that explains why there's a bandit trapped in a hay bale in Swindler's Den when a) hay bales require industrial machinery to produce and b) who the hell was baling hay inside a cave. It will also explore the character of Ennis, the goat farmer in Rorikstead, and his relationships with other characters from Rorikstead.

Because I Could Not Stop for Death a short-ish novella that explores how Thane Bryling navigates the transition of being ruled by High King Torygg to his young bride, Elisif the Fair. It was inspired after I noticed that the Holy 80s High School Movie Girl Trinity of Jock-Prep-Goth was present in Bryling, Elisif, and Sybille Stentor. (Yes, all the chapter titles are Emily Dickinson poems ha ha)

I'd really like to get the full summary/outline of a fic my friend TheInducer and I yes-anded into existence. It involves a retelling of the Odyssey by way of Mor Khazgur needing to find a new Chief after theirs went missing. TheInducer did a great write-up on the theory we came up with on r/teslore: Durak is (probably) from Mor Khazgur.

And of course, I continue to hope I will be seized once again by the fit of utter depravity that caused me to write 2K words of Sanguine/Hermaeus Mora tentacle porn a few months ago called La☆Blue Daedra so I can actually finish it and inflict it on the rest of fandom.

2) Rec a book:

The Search for Delicious by Natalie Babbitt. Her first novel is often overlooked by more celebrated/literary ones like Tuck Everlasting but to me this book is the quintessential fantasy story, and it's a very fast read without sacrificing vivid world building and descriptions. Here's my favorite, I think about it whenever I'm struggling with trying to describe something:

There was a lovely greenish glow in the forest, a glow pierced everywhere by tree trunks like fingers thrust into an aquarium full of tinted water; and Gaylen slipped between them like a small fish. With the trees all around him and the rain dancing on the leaves high over his head, he felt as if he were going deeper and deeper into a world that existed tranquil and quite separate from the one he had left behind.

3) Rec a fic:

I have an entire bookmark collection of The Elder Scrolls fic recs!

If I must pick one for this tag game, it would be Like Lightning by Jotting Prosaist. This fic single-handedly changed my opinion on 2nd person POV. It's absolutely masterful and I couldn't imagine experiencing the story it tells any other way. Mind the warnings, it goes to some very raw places.

4) Rec music:

Uh, my musical taste is...eclectic. I guess right now I've been on an early European music and metal kick, so I guess Corvus Corax fits the bill.

5) Share one piece of advice.

Floss daily, check your fire extinguishers and smoke alarms twice a year.

[exoticalmonde]

So in today's day of eventful events that were not supposed to happen but they did:

I got Carnelian. It's actually a double slap to Dr. Kryo who got my Gnosis, because not only did his wife Surtur visit (for which I have her at pot 5 now and subsequently - folded and leveled her up to 45 with an M2S3) but his other operator of preference came home after he was wondering if it's worth pulling when he barely has anything saved up for Yato-alter.

I'm slowly driving it back to 12K orundum for those sweet 40 pulls that should definitely totally get me the Noir Corn-alter.

How many posts is it that I mention him? Countless at this point.

Dr. Kryo just picked me up and set off guiding me along the chapters. I finished at 9-14 last time with S9-2 being my best work yet because I need to start unlocking the Salt.

While miles away from the actual goal of 11-2 where I get the T3 Salt, it's still advancing at a speed I doubt I've moved with alone before.

Can't even believe most of these were a two-OP runs. Mostly using Kal'tsit and people like Thorns, Blaze, Mountain. Of course I had the support of Chongyue. And morally supported by the presence of Ling since I need her 100 trust because that ark forsaken Module.

The AFK Lee and Mountain level was really funny, definitely recommend if your Lee is E2 lvl60 to bring a Myrtle or Bagpipe to block the other side until he charges up good. I leaked twice, learned that lesson the hard way.

Chapter 10 baby, it's time for the Sanguine Arc. Where we fight not the Sanguinearch but definitely something hideous and simmilar. I saw the worms yesterday when Pinkie showed me around the enemies for Chapter 11. Imagine... Leeches. In a trenchcoat. I hate them so much, looking at the enemies is putrid and they're all just slowly moving 20 pixels.

Yet here's the GORGEOUS video for the start of Chapter 10, which is supported by stunning vocals and a goosebump-indusing energy when you see it play on your own screen.

Gosh, I don't even know what this is but it sure looks like another set of achievements I will need to be getting. Nothing to be tryharding about, surely, as we leave the border between 'Tier 2 hardness level + Challenge Mode' and we sink right into 'Tier 3 hardness - which IS the CM' .

Amiya, it's been a pleasure working with you. Disappointment happened only during the Mandragora fight because I forgot turning Mon3ter skill... So we leaked...

And also one gargoyle got through...

I should go back and do that before future me hates for losing the will to fight Mandra again + just forgetting the run.

Which, spoilers, if you know what you're doing, is actually quite pathetic to fight. Just throw a rock at her and she sits down and pouts for long enough to Surtur/Texas-alter her.

But moving onto chapter 10!

Oh, I remember the good old days of being chapter 7 and suddenly CC10 operation Nuke (Ashring) landed with its fully charged Orbital Space Cannon to give me the sad news that, no, I will not in fact get all the medals.

Dr. Pinkie joins the conversation just on time to reminesce over how they used to guide me during Ashring. Very fun times.

---

Pinkie: "It's good that you're well aware how the Orbital Space Cannon works now, because for the next 16 operations you'll be doing just that."

Me: "..... WHAT?"

---

Pinkie: "It's alright, the Nuke does only 3000 damage, so as long as your defender has more than that, they should survive."

Me: *Checks Hoshiguma's health*

Hoshiguma: 3158 HP

Pinkie: "Oh, oh no."

---

Me, Kryo and Pinkie: "HERE IT COMES."

---

Me: *Pauses to think what to do after the Nuke blows because I can see that Hoshiguma will be blocking and Archetto will be in her range.*

Pinkie: "Oh, it would have been so nice if you had an operator whose skill 2 makes them invulnerable."

Me: *Knows it's not Ethan so I click on Archetto to read what her skill does*

Pinkie: "Oh, you know. Someone who can, potentially, block." *Nervous because the enemies are coming* "Especially since you have one place to guard."

Me: "Do I put her IN the range?"

Pinkie: "YES."

Me: *Drops Specter there*

Pinkie: *Sighs*

---

Hoshiguma: *Dies after the second Nuke*

Pinkie: "A wonderful opportunity to use reinforcements."

Me: *Positions Archetto and Ethan*

Pinkie: "I MEANT SPECTER SKILL."

Me: *Barely surviving the stage* "They're fine, they're all doing very well."

Pinkie: "I think you need to go to more morning sessions."

Me: "NOOoooo..."

---

Me: *Doing kissy noises at the scren*

Pinkie: "There Eve goes, licking the sweat off his armor. Like a dog."

Me: "Hoederer is just so... Mm..."

---

Me: "Can I catch you for a screenshot with your eyes open?"

Me: *Looks at him*

Me: "Well... Eye... Open..."

---

Me: "Pov, every time I see that my operator who is E2 level 50 is not doing enough damage on an E1 level 30 operation."

---

Operation 10-4: Warning Shot

Me: "Haha, warning shot."

Pinkie: "Imagine what they'd do if it was a threat."

Finally, here is a silly bird boy being deployed.

[mesmerics]

[ deniz can aktaş , 27 / 463 , cismale , he / him ] have you seen , tahir ventura , from the autumn court , has entered court? said to be charismatic + intrepid , we can only hope their good qualities outshine that they are also sybaritic + deceitful . when asked about them , people are always reminded of: the thrill of being the first to arrive at the finish line of a race; emerging victorious from a fight that had all the odds against you; the sweet smell in opening a new bottle of wine. they believe in their family. may the mother protect them.

BASICS

full name : tahir ventura . nickname : n/a . titles / monickers : lord of the autumn court . meaning : "pure" or "virtuous" .

gender : cis male . pronouns : he / him . orientation : bisexual .

age : 27 / 463 . birth place : ventura's manor, autumn court, prythian . species : high fae .

BACKGROUND

mother : tba ventura ( deceased ) . father : tba ventura, former high lord of the autumn court ( deceased ) . sister : sibili ventura, high lady of the autumn court . brother : rhyn ventura, lord of the autumn court . mate : tba .

APPEARANCE

faceclaim : deniz can aktaş . hair : dark brown . eyes : dark brown . height : 5'11" ( 1.80 cm ) .

PERSONALITY

mbti : ENFP-A ( the campaigner ) . moral alignment : chaotic good . temperament : sanguine . positive traits : curious, perceptive, enthusiastic, excellent communicator, festive . negative traits : unfocused, overly accommodating, disorganized, restless . parallels : cassian ( acotar series ), kenji kishimoto ( shatter me series ), anthony bridgerton ( the bridgertons ) .

tahir was always the comic relief of the autumn court household. with a personality worthy of a jester, trouble always followed the little boy whenever he went. from braiding the horse's mane at the stables; to quite literally jumping windows to steal whatever had a great smell in someone else's kitchen; the boy was a havoc that no one seemed to be able to keep under control.

training was the only way his father found to keep him quiet and out of trouble. at least until he had enough age to start picking fights with anyone that he thought it would be fun to punch -- and, most of the time, being the one punched until passing out.

he's reckless, but the years of training did a good job of preparing him for the war that started a few decades before he turned one - hundred years old. in the field, tahir was a good soldier under the banner of his father and the autumn court. and when the king of hybern took the high lord of the autumn from his family and his people, tahir promised to follow sibili and keep her protected at all costs.

tahir hates the winter court more than hybern itself -- i mean, he still does hate hybern an awful lot. they were the reason things went down for the autumn court. he had been working alongside his siblings to do anything necessary to free prythian.

[paint-lady]

hi! i will ask abt ur vtm character hazel. 1 - from when Alive unless hazel has the eat food merit oc 19 and 42

1. what is their coffee shop order?

She wants a sickening sweet drink. She's not ordering secret menu shit- but she is asking for 4 shots of espresso with 6 pumps of caramel syrup in her iced coffee.

Hazel does not have eat food, but as a Duskborn with lifelike she can eat (or at least keep it down long enough to fake it). The allure of coffee quickly diminished once she found sanguine resonance AND someone with caffeine in their system.

19. have they ever been in love?

Her name was Lisa Nuñez and god Hazel messed that all up. Lisa died less than a year after Hazel was embraced. Hazel does hold some responsibility for her touchstone's death, bc if Hazel had kept her damn mouth shut Lisa would've never been put in danger.

Hazel has had a few relationships since, but she is so terrified of losing them in similar ways that she keeps her lovers much farther away from her unlife. None of them have made her feel safe and at home like Lisa did. She just feels like a ticking time bomb.

42. how similar is your character to you?

Hazel started distant from me, but as she developed in her first chronicle, I discovered she was a lot of wish fulfillment. Having played her for the last 4-5 years in chronicles and chat roleplay, the lines got super blurred as I made a few of those wishes a reality. (Namely a few choice outfits in my wardrobe, though I'd definitely feel uncomfy in some of her outfits still!)

Id consider Hazel to be much more opportunistic than I am. If there's an opening or a chance to grab knowledge, she goes for it. And that is repeatedly gotten her in trouble.

We are similarly ambitious, we don't stop until we've finished what we've set out to do- even if its bad for our health.

Despite all the similarities, I still don't consider her a self insert by any means. She is still a character I play and occasionally requires me to warm up or cool down (debriefing after vtm is honestly wonderful) to get in and out of her head.

more questions for ttrpg characters

[californiaroadtoad]

Didn't Dave Barry write about something like this?

Aaaaand this week is one for the books. First of all, huge thanks to the folks at GoFundMe, particularly Tech Support, and Max in particular. Got be back up and running with this, and I'm as annoying as ever. So, huge thanks. Still, I remain off work, and I'm still trying to find something I can do for an income for myself. I hate being idled out, and I'd rather be working, but with all the foot dragging involved in getting back to work, I'm not overly sanguine about my chances. That said, I had two more appointments with doctors, and there's a possible avenue out: I have other valid disability claims ahead of me, including stuff with the VA. My body's been pretty badly abused over time, and there's a possible rating for me. Not going to lie: anything would help. I'm also looking at a couple of other avenues, primarily in training for new jobs in other areas, but still with ties to trucking. It's not much, but it's a shot. We're also looking at moving to Idaho, and I can finally spend quality time with my grandkids before they disappear completely. Two of them I never see, but the others? I'm happy to spend time with them. I'm putting in applications around Caldwell, Twin Falls, Jerome, Boise, and a few other areas. I'm not overly impressed with what I'm seeing at the moment, but if I can find the right place, at the right price? Boom. Gone. I'll move someplace that's more affordable. I had considered the Midwest. Iowa's gorgeous, as is Indiana. Spending quality time at Fort Benjamin Harrison was pretty nice, and there's a lot to recommend it. (Not that I'm fond of humidity, tornadoes, and hail, but that's Indianapolis for you.) Part of the joy of being Over The Road is you get a first hand look at so many parts of the nation. There are options I hadn't thought of for a very long time. (I still wish I'd moved to Washington State back in the late 90's when I had a chance, but there's no point in wishing.) One step at a time. In any case, my medical insurance changed. Everything is so bollixed up, and thankfully, I got some help from a lot of people to start getting it straightened out. My doctor at Sutter Medical in Yuba City helped out a lot, as did the new insurance company, though there's still a ways to go in getting it straightened out. I still need to work with a new Primary Care Physician, and with luck, I won't find myself bounced all the way back to the beginning on this journey. I also got a lot of help from our Assemblyman, James Gallagher, and his staff. there were a few snafus on the Disability, but they gave me a lot of encouragement and assistance. So, Erin Huddleson, thank you. You're a huge gem, and a great assist to this old Trucker and family. This, of course, led to a drive up to Chico today, and a chance to speak to the Disability folks up there. The staff was helpful, and went out of their way to assist us. Hopefully, I can make the return trip tomorrow, and we can finish this portion of this fight. If I can finally get cleared by the last of the medical folks, I can maybe, hopefully, possibly, be back to work in another month or two. I'm hoping. Like I said. I'm not sanguine, but I'm trying to stay positive. God knows, it's not easy. And, on another front, remember my mentioning the fraud attempt? Yeah, these guys don't give up. Let's just say it's laughable when they call up, claim they're working for Wells Fargo, then try to wheedle personal information out of you. I didn't give them anything, and I'm waiting for a call back from the Yuba City PD, and this is also being reported to the FBI. I'm not about to sit back and let them try this with anyone else. At least the business which was also being targeted in Roanoke, VA has been able to protect themselves. So that's something. More information as I can get it. I'm going to be so glad when the nightmare is over.