#i started my journey on tumblr thinking it’d be a fun past time where i could post every now and then

[hwaslayer]

since 2024 is coming to an end in a few hrs on the west coast, i just wanna say thank you 💕 thank you to every single one of you for your support and love, for always making me giggle and smile, for rockin’ by my side and for reading my silly ‘lil fics. no matter if you’ve been riding with me since @xpeachesncream days or if you found me through pmylm on here - ya’ll are the best, truly!

we made it through another year, and i’m very proud of you for getting through all the good & bad shit this year has thrown your way. to 2025 and many more years together; i hope the new year will be kind and good to you, and i hope it’ll bring you all the genuine happiness, love and support you deserve 🫶🏼

[giowritess]

straight to my head [henry cavill]

masterlist

Pairing: Henry Cavill x bestfriend!female!reader

Request:  “Hi! May you please write a Henry Cavill one where you’re hanging out with him and you have feelings for him but haven’t had the guts to tell him but that day your sister called you and you started speaking in Spanish to her about Henry but little did you know that he actually knew Spanish and he teased you about it. Happy ending please, thank you!”

Warnings: cursing, some angst, fluff

Word-count: 2,697

Author’s note: HEY GUYS! I can’t believe I’m finally posting my first writing piece here on Tumblr! It’s my first attempt at writing this kind of fanfiction (well, the second, actually), and I truly hope you like it, especially you, dear anon, who requested this. I did some changes, hope you don’t mind. This one was based on the song Straight to My Head, by You Me At Six, and I’d really like if you listened to it. A big thank you to my best friend, @naturiz​ for the Spanish part, and a big shoutout to my amazing beta/daughter/friend/love of my life @amirahiddleston​ <3333 I’d be lost without you!

gif credit goes to @b-n-a-o​

Straight to My Head

  You had never been the kind of person to enjoy dancing. 

   Yet, here you were, jumping, moving and swaying your hips to the beat of your favorite song in the middle of an empty dance floor. A little tequila-and-other-alcoholic-beverages-induced, yes — but you were happy, not even minding the glances you were getting. All the stress that had built up in the past few weeks had finally left your body, and you had your friends to thank for that. They were the ones who’d dragged you down here, to a cosy small pub. It had been way too long since the last time all of you had spent time together, and everyone seemed to benefit from a bit of fun and forgetting the real world. 

   Exactly as you were doing right now, completely oblivious to everything and everyone else. How good it felt to be trapped in your bubble, with nothing but your fuzzy mind and your favourite song.

   “Didn’t know you could dance, y/n,” Henry teased, not far from you. You could even hear the smirk in his deep voice.

   “Shut up, idiot,” you replied, snapping out of your bubble and walking closer to your friends.

   “Seriously, though,” he insisted, grinning like a kid, “those were amazing dance moves. You should teach me.”

   You just rolled your eyes, making him laugh, and tried to hide your smile. Your relationship with Henry had always been playful like this, ever since you met a couple of years ago. You two had been through a lot together — it was quite a fun and exciting journey to follow his success as an amazing actor that close, which meant celebrations, parties, even a few premieres.

   As the boys got ready to play some pool, you stood in the back with a beer in hand, watching him — always him and no one else. You sighed as you watched him move with the ease and gracefulness of a cat. A big, fluffy cat who seemed to be serious and almost dangerous on the outside, but was nothing more than a playful little kitten on the inside.

   The dim lighting in that corner of the room sent shadows over his godly features, the sight sending warmth up your core. He was always the most handsome man in the room. And in your head.

   That was where he was. He’d taken over your thoughts ever since you met, and there was nothing you could do to take him out; he was already at home and wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. You tried as hard as you could, even dated other people, but it was pointless. You still fell hard for him anyway.

  But Henry was your best friend, and you were his. You talked about everything, helped each other with everything — even his own love life. It hurt you. Like hell, but there was nothing you could do about it but listen and be there for him when he needed, just like he did for you. His friendship is one of the most precious things on Earth to you, but that is all you were meant to be. He was yours, but not in the way you truly wanted.

   Which was why sometimes it got too hard for you. Sometimes you had to step back and pull yourself together when it was too much for your heart. Seeing him with other women, especially when you knew he was happy, was far more than you could take, a pain you couldn’t avoid. 

   You straightened yourself up and dropped the bottle on the table. You needed to sober up. Being drunk around Henry was always a dangerous idea — you were a complete mess. Crazy, unpredictable and suddenly brave. The possibility that you’d end up saying or making anything that could lead to regrets and ruining your friendship was a giant risk — one you couldn’t take. So, you always tried your best to be as sober as possible, but tonight you desperately needed the freedom and release that only alcohol could give you. And he happened to be around.

   “Be right back,” you muttered to no one in particular, making your way towards the ladies room. They were too entertained in their game to miss you, anyway. 

   Thankfully, the bathroom wasn’t crowded, just a few girls who seemed half your age, many who had probably got in with a fake ID. You went straight to the sink and splattered the cold water in your face one, two, three times. But it was the girls’ conversation that caught your attention.

   “Did you see Henry Cavill playing pool by the back? Jesus fucking Christ, that’s Heaven made of flesh,” one of them said. 

   “Can you believe our luck? Gotta be fate,” the one applying mascara in front of the mirror replied.

   They laughed together and started to make their way outside.

   “I think I’m gonna try my luck, who knows,” you heard one of them say as they left the bathroom, and you gripped the sink with both hands, taking a deep breath. 

   You had no right to be angry with their words. In fact, you understood a-hundred-per cent how they felt — you felt that way almost all the time, too. But fuck. There was no way in controlling the anger that was taking over you, as well as the few lonely tears that escaped the corner of your eyes. There was nothing you could do about it but simply accept it. That was your job as his best friend.

   After a few deep breaths, you pulled yourself together, and finally mustered the courage to leave the bathroom. Your anger alone, still tingling through your face, your arms, your fingers, had sobered you up some seventy-per cent by now. You stopped by the bar to buy some chocolate and was met with one of your friends.

   “Hey y/n, wanna play some pool? We need someone,” he asked.

   “Yeah, sure,” you replied, eating the chocolate before you walked back to the pool table.

   You grunted at the scene in front of you. The girls from the bathroom, one sitting in the back with her arms wrapped around one of your friends and the other one — the prettiest one, with long, dark hair and a beautiful black dress that hugged her body in the best way — tangled up with Henry, laughing and touching him whenever (and wherever) she could. Which meant all the time (and everywhere). 

   It wasn’t that this kind of thing didn’t happen often — it did, in fact; of course it would, when your group of friends had you as the only woman. And you didn’t care for your other friends, they could do whatever they wanted if it’d bring them a bit of happiness, even if momentary. But Henry was… Henry. He would never be like everyone else, and you couldn’t fool yourself or your heart to believe that.

   “Girls, this is y/n,” your friend said, and the girls smiled at you.

  You tried your best to look sympathetic.

   “Hey, I’m Devon,” the one in the back waved at you.

   “And this is Julia,” Henry told you and motioned at the girl beside him.

   With another deep breath, you smiled and hoped it looked real enough.

   You didn’t know what happened to you. You’d never been this jealous, you’d always been able to control your emotions and prevent them from rising to surface. But that night felt completely different. Probably because of all the alcohol, but there was no way you’d be able to look unaffected. 

   “Ready to kick some asses?” your pair asked, handing you the stick. 

   “Born ready, baby,” you replied, applying chalk to the end of the poolstick.

Julia was Henry’s partner, of course. He had to show her how to properly hold the stick and how to play, but you had your doubts if she truly didn’t know or was just pretending. Well, you’d pretend if you were in her shoes. 

   It was no surprise when you made the first ball — you had a natural talent for the pool. Especially when drunk. And angry.

   The chocolate in your mouth felt bitter because you kept hearing Julia’s giggles and saw the way Henry touched her. Every fucking time she was going to play, he had to be glued to her back, lingering touches on her hand, her arms. It began to piss you off way more than you imagined.

   You made a ball. And another, and another, and another. Four in a row, leaving only two of your balls on the table. 

   “Fuck, y/n,” your partner said, and laughed, clearly a bit shocked. “Where did that come from?”

   “What can I say,” you replied, “the effects of anger.” 

   The game soon came to an end, you made the victory hit. You started another, trying your best to focus on the game and nothing else. But it was hard. It was so fucking hard when Julia and Henry didn’t even pretend to play properly, due to their drunken stupor and lust for one another. When his lips went closer to her ear, you finally snapped. There was no way in fucking hell you were going to endure that. No. Enough.

   “I’m through,” you stated before dropping the stick on the table.

   You didn’t care about the stupid game. All you wanted was to leave the pub, to get away, and cry and scream and fill up your sister’s inbox with countless messages rambling about it. 

   That was exactly what you did the instant you crossed the door, drinking in the cold night air and fishing for your phone. After finding her contact, your fingers started to fly across the keyboard, but you realized that wasn’t enough for how angry you were.

   “No puedo creer lo enojada que estoy por eso [I can’t believe how mad I am],” you started. Of course, it’d be in Spanish, your mother tongue: it was the only way you truly could express your anger. 

   You weren’t even sure what you wanted to say, but you had to say something, to get it out. There was a pressure in your chest that’d only be alleviated after you opened your heart to someone, obviously your sister. 

   “Tú no creerías lo tan enojada que estoy. ¡Pero ugh! ¡Simplemente no puedo controlarlo y no mames eso me deja demasiada enojada! [You wouldn’t believe how mad I am. But ugh! I just can’t control it and that makes me so fucking angry!]”

   You sent that first audio message to her. You didn’t even have an internet connection, so she’d only receive it after you connected to wifi or something, but it didn’t matter. You just had to speak. Get it out of your system.

   “Dios, desearía que pudieras verlo con tus propios ojos todos los toques y coqueteos. Simplemente me mandaron por un tubo y no sé cómo enfrentarlo, sabes? No hay ninguna explicación más allá de la verdad, que él debe haber entendido, de todos modos. O no, apuesto que Julia lo mantiene demasiado ocupado para que yo ocupe su mente [God, I wish you could see for yourself! All those touches and flirting. It just pushed me off the edge and now I don’t even know how to face him, you know? There’s no explanation besides the truth. Which he must have already figured it out, anyway. Or not. I bet Julia is keeping him too busy for me to occupy his mind at all],” you said in a single breath. There. Now you felt as if the weight was off your chest.

   After pressing the “send” button, you took a much needed deep breath. The cold weather had a calm, soothing effect on you as you breathed in the night air; you could feel yourself getting calmer. Still angry, yes, but a bit calmer.

   So trapped in your own space, you almost jumped when you heard his voice.

   “No hay nada que nunca pueda sacarte de mi mente [There’s nothing that can ever keep you off my mind].” 

     Even in a perfect Spanish, his deep British accent was still present.

   Oh, my, god. There he was, behind you, and you wanted to bury yourself six feet under and never, ever come out.

   “Henry!” Your voice was a shriek. “I… I’m… I sh…” you stuttered, not knowing what to say. You could feel your heart pounding violently against your chest.

   What to say, what to do, how to act. You had no idea Henry even spoke Spanish, and you sure as hell hadn’t expected him to follow you outside. Díos mio. Had he heard every single word you just said? You were glad that it was dark, ‘cause your face must’ve definitely been on fire.

   “I’m sorry,” he said, making you look at him with a visible question mark on your face. “For making you feel like that. I did want to affect you, though, and I’m quite glad I did.”

   “What? Henr—”

   “See, y/n,” he interrupted you, “I had a theory, and you just proved it.”

   He came closer, his beautiful face stepping under the thin lightning which made his baby blue eyes to shine. He hovered above you, like a lion over his prey, but you weren’t intimidated at all. Though confused and with your head spinning as fuck.

   “My theory was that you and I feel the same way about each other,” he continued, getting closer and closer at each word that left his lips.

   Díos. Were your dreams coming true? Was this real? Were you dreaming, or even seeing properly? You could hear your speeding heart, and you wondered if he could hear it, too.

   “Henry, I… I’m… I’m lost in translation here,” you replied, your weak voice almost a whisper.

   He had to say it. You needed to hear the words coming out of his very own lips, otherwise, it wouldn’t be real. 

   A low chuckle came from him. He left very little space between your faces when he got even closer and cupped your face with both hands.

   “I’ve been falling in love with you ever since you entered my life, love,” he said. Your knees were weak, and you felt as if you were going to fall dead on the ground. “But you never gave me any signal that you felt the same. Until I started to notice the small details. Your face, your eyes, your hands. Your words, your expressions. The little things gave you away, y/n.”

   The warm touch of his big hands on your face, all the love and tenderness with which he spoke every single word made your heart swell. No one had ever spoken with that much affection towards you, no one had ever held you that gently as he did. Your best friend. Your soulmate. 

   “So? Am I right then? He asked playfully, chuckling because you hadn’t said anything yet.

   You felt as if a lightning bolt had just gone through you, your skin prickling. 

   “Yes!” You instantly said, feeling some tears on your eyes. “Yes, Henry, yes. You are. I don’t even know for how long I’ve loved you. I was… I was scared of ruining our friendship. I’m sorry, if I’d kno—”

   He shushed you with a gentle kiss, timidly placing one of his hands in the back of your neck. You placed your hands on his broad shoulders.

   “No regrets or apologies,” he murmured, touching your forehead with his. “Though I do regret the method I used to prove my point,” he said, chuckling. “I’m sorry. I was getting desperate and running out of options. I just couldn’t bear to spend another entire day being nothing more than friends with you,” he explained, his eyes locked with yours. One of his hands started tracing the line of your bottom lip. “Not being able to touch you, to kiss you… God knows how torture it was to be around you all this time.”

   It was your turn to laugh. He felt exactly like you did, then.

   “Henry?” You whispered. “Come home with me?”

   An affirmation, an invitation, an order? You didn’t know. But all that mattered was his answer.

   “Yes.”

A/N: I hope from the depths of my heart that you enjoyed it! For now I do not have a taglist, but if you’d like to be tagged in my future works, let me know <3 

xoxo, Gio

[burmecianblackmage]

5 Year Anniversary - Further Plans

Now that this blog has officially turned five years old, I think it’s time I spoke a bit about my plans for it going forward. There’s been a number of things I have been pondering the past couple months, but before we start with those, let’s look at some numbers:

5 Years of burmecianblackmage in Numbers

In these five years now, there have been 4683 posts made on this blog, leading to a nice average of 936,6 per year or a good 2,56462 per day. Considering how low my output’s been lately, that’s not too bad I fell.

Furthermore, as indicated in the last post when I thanked them, I have counted 217 people I’ve interacted with, whereas I follow a total of 533 blogs - sounds like a lot of room for meeting new people, even if several of these are old now and likely no longer active. But hey, you never know! I am also being followed by 522 blogs, and oh boy, I don’t even wanna know how many of those are porn bots...

Relationship/Partner page

Now, the thing I should say about my plans before I properly start talking about them, is that most of these are more long-term things. Heck, there’s even a chance they won’t be done before the next anniversary rolls around. I do have a bad track record with these things after all....

But anyway, one of the first and bigger things I’ve been planning is to finally build a proper relationshipor partner page, complete with some wonderful art I’ve commissioned. Now, I don’t know yet which one I’ll call it, but when I do get to it, I’ll make certain to have nice summaries to go along with the images, summaries which will recap what they experienced together with Sceada and why they are important to him - and a link to their tagged threads, too.

Thread Archive and Summaries

This leads us straight to the next thing I’m planning, which is a bigger thing as well: A complete Thread Archive with Summaries.

Yep, I plan to have all the threads ever written on this blog tagged properly, sorted and then put together with short summaries about them. It’s a big order, especially looking at those numbers further up in this post, but I’ve been meaning to do that for a long time, so... best get to it, yeah? That said though, I guess you’ve already figured that one out, but....

I’m going to stay on this blog

Now, why would I mention this? Well, the reason is simple:

It’s because for a good while following the tumblr purge and with me dropping into this low after December where all motivation vanished, I’ve been considering a fresh start. Namely, as a multi-muse blog. I’ve seen others do it, with admittedly mixed success, but with most of them faring better after the move. And it’s not like I don’t have other muses I could flesh out more or bring back, or perhaps even pick up new. Also, it’d make organizing things so much easier if I started with a clean slate, too...

Well, the main reason I wound up deciding against it... is all the history I have on this blog.

All these threads written, all these people met, all these connections and bonds forged... Leaving this blog behind may not mean leaving them behind, but to an extent it sure does feel like it. And I don’t want that. Especially when I consider, how many old friends no longer are around regularly, or even at all.

Call me delusional, and naively hopeful, but... if any of them ever do come back? I want them to find me right where they remember me being. I want them to know that whenever they come back, they have at least one familiar face waiting and welcoming them.

I mean, I’ve seen it happen before, you know? With people messaging me on this blog here, wondering if I still remembered them. And with some of them even contemplating a return. Well, if they do truly return, I’ll be delighted to play with them again, and if they don’t? Then I’ll still be happy to talk with them again, however briefly, and to learn that they are doing alright.

Cause that is what I really want most for us all, even more than us all having fun playing together: I want us to be well, to be doing alright, and to be happy. World’s rough enough as it is, so I’d rather know my friends are happy than anything else.

Discord Plots

That said, even with me staying here, there is one thing I’ll be doing:

I’ll be taking Sceada to Discord, and not just as a different version of him.

This will likely mainly have to do with plots relevant to his still ongoing journey, and with people who have left tumblr, but essentially, it will be open to whoever fancies it. If we discuss it being so beforehand, I’ll be open to playing stuff I’d normally play here on tumblr with Sceada on Discord instead, with it retaining it’s relevance and impact here.

That’s right, Sceada will have development happening off-tumblr. I’ve never really done that before, but I feel it’s a good step to take, especially since some plots I’ve really been looking forward to would not be possible anymore if I didn’t. But I can’t blame people for leaving, and if this allows me to keep playing with them? Then so be it.

Mind you, there will upon conclusion of individual threads be short summaries of them that I’ll post on here, so people still can see what happened. But most of it will remain off-tumblr, especially the stuff we discuss to be non-related to his plot on here. I’m always down for turning interactions into an AU on Discord.

That all being said, people who are interested in this and haven’t added me on Discord yet? You’ll fine me at Sceada#1085. Just shoot me a message. And of course, the same goes if you just wanna talk a bit!

Just remember, timezones are a thing (and one of my biggest enemies...)

Well, with all these things said, you now know the rough direction my plans are going. How much of this will be accomplished and how soon remains to be seen. But I still wanted to let you guys in on what I’ve been considering and pondering.

And with that out of the way now, I’d like to thank you all once more for these five years I was allowed to spend with you all and enjoy this hobby. May more years be left to come, that are just as great!

Patrick~

[plume8now]

Subscription to Death

Fandom: One Piece

Ship: Possibly seen as LawLu

Summary: Death met Luffy for the first time when he was a little boy. He looked confused, lost. That was normal. Law was used to that. People usually didn't realise it when they were dead. It could be so sudden. He leaned in, offered his hand to the kid and asked, trying to be gentle: “How did you die?” The kid looked up and said: “I'm not dead."In which the One Piece universe remains the same, except that Luffy is Immortal and Law is Death.

Warning: immortal!luffy, death!law, In Universe/AU, Death clearing being bored but is he bored enough to stand Luffy, Luffy or the boy who kept dying, that guy is way too reckless, honestly this fic is a revelation cause he should have died long time ago, Humor, Friendship, slow burn maybe, can be seen as ship or not, Nakamaship, philosophical ideas, Underworld, Character Death, obviously, Angst, just because i can

A/N: Things I should specify for this AU: - Death only takes care of souls, once the body dies, to guide them. Therefore, never went to the living world. - Death's dimension includes Law not being able to see the humans' world and vice-versa. - Luffy's immortality is a mystery. - Time isn't real in Death's world. - Death cannot heal a human's soul or body.Thanking my dear beta @blueflamebird who took time to correct this twice because I couldn't stop writing. This was supposed to be an OS but I decided to cut it here and write the following later. A Tumblr post inspired me somehow for this fic this is why it is part of my LawLu prompt works. I'd also like to thank the LawLu Discord Chat for encouraging me and motivating me A LOT. You're all amazing <3 Please enjoy~

[Find it on AO3]

Death met Luffy for the first time when he was a little boy.

He looked confused, lost. That was normal. Law was used to that. People usually didn't realise it when they were dead. It could be so sudden.

He leaned in, offered his hand to the kid and asked, trying to be gentle:

“How did you die?”

That was not the first thing you should say when you were welcoming someone. He knew that. But he couldn't help it – it was his introduction.

The kid looked up and said:

“I'm not dead. I still have to beat my brothers! They left me behind but I gotta catch up on them!”

“Your brothers?” Law repeated.

“Yeah, just because I'm younger doesn't mean I'm not strong!”

Law stood up again. Another weirdo. Awesome. He had a schedule, dammit. Well, that wasn't exactly true, since time didn't exist here, but still. He wasn't good with kids, nothing new.

“I'm sorry,” he lied, “but you'll have to wait for them to come for next round.”

“To come where?” he said, before realizing the place was clearly not what he left. Everything was dark. “Where- what's this?!”

He put his straw hat back on the top of his head, and Law noticed all the little wounds on his body, and that deep scar under his left eye. Was he a street boy? Well- at least he didn't die starving according to his health- no, he might have died from drowning or something like that- he looked wet.

“Do you remember drowning maybe?”

He had to make him understand he was dead before bringing him to the Underworld, and unfortunately, it felt like it'd take forever. But again, time wasn't real, so there was no problem, right?

“I didn't die,” the kid stated.

“Did you fall, maybe?”

“I was on a wooden bridge, it wasn't very stable.”

“I guess so,” Law sighed.

“I didn't die. I'll prove you wrong, Dark-Dress-Guy.”

Law almost choked. That one, that was new.

“Dark-What?”

The boy pointed at his costume. He was wearing that scarf in dark feathers and a long cape that covered his suit under.

“That's not a dress,” he stretched his arms. “I have a normal suit under. No dress.”

The kid frowned.

“A dress'd be better.”

“You know what; my clothes aren't important. Please just take my hand okay? I'll show you your past and you'll understand.”

“My past? What's to understand?”

Law almost replied 'That you died' but stopped right in time – this kid's answers were bothering him. He showed his hand to him again, suggesting what should come next, and asked:

“What's your name?”

“Luffy.”

Law faked a smile but Luffy was busy staring at his hand.

“Your... tattoos are so cool...!”

“I-”

Luffy made a move to take his hand and check the meaning of the letters written on his fingers – but didn't seize anything. Both of them peered at what just happened in disbelief.

“WHAT JUST HAPPENED?” Luffy yelled, half-excited half-shocked.

“It's- I-”

What? That never happened before? How come this kid's hand went through his? He was supposed to be able to grab the deceased by the hand to lead them to the Underworld!

Was there something wrong with the kid? Was there something wrong with him?

“D-E-A-T-H,” Luffy read, “wow that's so damn awesome! Where did you get that? Can I get tattoos too?”

Now that brat was really pissing him off, running around, bragging about God-knew-what.

“Just- Shut up would you? It's-”

And before he could add anything else, the boy disappeared just like that.

There was nothing wrong with him. The next dead people were just fine. He'd take their hands, and show them the way to the Underworld, and everything was fine.

At first, he couldn't stop thinking about that boy – that Luffy. What the fuck had happened? To that question, it took him three human years to get the answer.

Three human years where the boy would keep coming. Over and over again.

He only confirmed that idea after a while. After spending so much time with actual dead people.

Luffy was immortal. As in, Immortal.

The little guy couldn't die. Not definitely, that is.

At his second death, seeing him again made him gasp. Law never gasped. This time, he'd been eaten by a giant tiger, apparently. And this time again, he couldn't touch him, and neither could Luffy. It was as if they were made to oppose each other. And, to Law's great displeasure, that didn't seem to bother Luffy. That brat would take advantage of that to run around and go through his body just because he could. For fun. It was unbearable.

And it wasn't like he had to undergo that just once in a while, no. That kid died so quickly. It was as if his brothers were really trying to kill him. Or whoever he was with. Well, actually they weren't trying, since they actually succeeded in doing it. But the boy just wouldn't obey Life's laws. He was supposed to end his journey here. But every time, Luffy would say no.

He had stuff to do.

As if he hadn't heard that already before.

And so he saw him grow up. Law knew, for having watched every single dead person's past life, that this situation looked more and more like a tea time party. Well of course, the first human years sounded more like baby-sitting – something he learned he despised deeply – but after a while, Luffy started to be a little bit more mature. Except they didn't have tea, and not even the ambiance that a tea party asked for – but getting exchanges like this led to this feeling. Law never had the occasion to talk with anyone so repeatedly after all. Because that wasn't supposed to happen, he repeated to himself.

Losing his brother could have 'helped' Luffy's change. When they started talking more than he, running after him, in case he'd do something wrong – who knew what he could do? Immortal kids, he didn't have a guide to say what could be consequences of such a human being.

Seeing every single dead person's memories, he'd have remembered it if he'd seen the Immortal kid in someone's head. But he hadn't. So he told him.

At first Luffy didn't get it – but when he put it into a simple sentence, something like “I never met any kid who had you as a brother in his memories” summed up by “Sabo didn't die”...

It stopped his cries.

Law didn't like crying people. Not because it made him feel bad – no, for God's sake, he was Death – but because it was damn annoying. He was tired of crying people. But Luffy's cries triggered something more than tiredness, something different. He really didn't like it.

Later on, the boy told him he'd told Ace – that other brother. That he believed Sabo didn't die. And, for that, Ace punched him. Because, “'Death wasn't something you could joke about around'”, Luffy quoted. Anybody grieving would have been hurt by such statements, Law guessed. And adding something like “No you're wrong, he's actually a nice guy” as he talked about Death – about him – obviously didn't help.

Law twitched a smile. 'Nice guy', huh?

Luffy looked so proud of himself, and Law wondered what stupidity he'd done again to be here and look so happy about it.

“What brings you here today, Luffy-ya?” he asked slowly.

“I fell into the sea,” he put his hand on the top of his hat. “My boat sank.”

“Your boat sank?” Law repeated, unsure.

“This is my turn now; I've left for adventure!”

“And you died on your first day?” he faked applauds “Congratulations.”

“Actually, no, I've out there for like a week.”

“So you survived a week on the sea without dying. That's a great beginning as a pirate!”

“That's not funny,” Luffy pouted, “And it's been a while since we saw each other!”

“Barely a human month, I'm sure,” Law objected.

“Well, I'm dead again, we can't do anything about it can we? And also-” he looked around and shook his head “you definitely gotta change the decoration of your world. We should have done that way sooner, but now is the moment! There's change in my life, so we should celebrate!”

“By changing stuff in my world?” Law asked, sceptical.

“Yeah!”

“Why, you're going to visit me more often than you already do now?”

Luffy tilted his head. “It's all dark. And you're dressed in dark. You know, you should be more open-minded to new things.”

“New things? What if I don't want to change a thing? What if I already changed 'the deco' several times before?”

“Not since I'm here. And it's boring.”

“Now that's rude.”

“C'mon! I already die a lot so let’s at least  do some fun stuff! Let's redecorate!”

“You know there's a simple way to resolve that, you could think about taking care of your own life more for starters?”

“Are you gonna visit me in my world?”

“I doubt it.”

“Then nah.”

Law rolled his eyes.

“What do you want to do?”

“We need the sea,” Luffy declared. “Because it's freedom. You know what it's like, right? You've seen it in people's head.”

Law rose his right hand, and hesitated. It's been a long time since he'd changed anything here. A very, very long time. And he never would have thought about changing things again. Darkness and void suited him so well, after a while. He was used to it. People always said it was scary, but it was comforting to him.

Who knew? Maybe it was just how Death's tastes were.

“We can't do something too nice though,” he felt the urge to say. “I don't want souls to like it too much.”

“Why,” Luffy laughed, “you're scared they might come back?”

Law glanced at him. That little fucker.

“So the sea it is,” he said, choosing to ignore him, as he shove his hand in front of him.

And the sea appeared. Luffy's eyes widened, and even Law felt a bit impressed by his own doing. It had multiple shades of blue, and the waves – it felt like they could almost smell and hear like on an actual beach.

“Can we swim into this?!” Luffy yelled as he took off his shirt and jumped into it. Law wanted to hit his head against a wall several times – he'd seen a lot of humans do that in memories. Why bother asking if he didn't even wait for an answer?!

“Luffy-ya,” Law started. “This is an illusion. You can try to swim in it, but you're actually not doing that and-” he stopped, noticing the boy going deeper and deeper into the sea, and not looking like going up anymore. He crossed his arms and walked towards him.

“And,” he started again as he dissolved the sea around Luffy once in front of him, “therefore, you can't drown.”

Luffy stopped coughing, looked around, and frowned.

“But I was drowning!”

“No. It's only in your head. You're persuaded you can't swim so you drowned. But this is not real to start with. And, second, we're literally in the Dead World. You can't die, because you're already dead.”

“I was drowning!” Luffy objected.

“No wonder why you die so often,” Law mumbled. “You must take better care of yourself.”

The Straw Hat let out his usual 'shishishi'.

“Right now,” Luffy said more seriously, “what do you want?”

Law immediately searched for an answer – he was completely getting into his own mind when a hand waved in front – even through him, breaking his concentration.

“I asked you for what you wanted,” Luffy took a fed up look which honestly coming from him offended Law, “not to overthink. You gotta stop thinking and act.”

“Luffy-ya, I've spent eternity here.”

“You say as if it was an excuse,” Luffy said in an accusatory tone. “Just do whatever you freaking want. You're Death remember? There's no limits!”

And he disappeared. He left. Just like that. Luffy's coming backs to life were so random – Law had gotten used to them now – but he couldn't help it, it was so ridiculous.

He laughed.

A shame Luffy was already gone to see that.

A lot of souls came by before Luffy's. Law wondered if he had actually listened to him and been careful, or if it was only a period of contamination – or genocide, maybe? – which would explain all those dead people.

When Luffy finally died again, Law couldn't help but enjoy it. Not that he was encouraging Luffy to sacrifice himself for whatever reason it was, but he's been meaning to show him the changes he'd made around. Something that the souls appreciated, for some, and even gave him ideas for his new decoration. Giving Death advice for a new landscape in his world could seem odd, true. But no one ever said it was forbidden.

And so, Luffy loved it.

He'd left the beach and the sea, since it had been Luffy's idea. He'd also made a few ships based on a few souls' memories, and tried to design his own. Because he remembered Luffy's first words about the way he dressed, he changed his clothes into something more common – actually, he could almost look like a normal human being.

Except that he wasn't.

For a moment, Luffy stared at Law. Law didn't bother staring back at him. It was something he'd gotten used to, now. And if he ever did – which happened once, Luffy would take it as a staring challenge or some dumb game of this kind. Now, it was only a matter of time before he'd start talking.

“Torao,” he said. “Do you ever leave?”

Law turned to him,  genuinely interested by his question.

“Leave? Where?”

“I don't know, elsewhere. Isn't it just- the same thing? Boring?”

Law blinked.

“I've never thought about that. I'm always taking care of a human's soul.”

“You've never thought about that?” Luffy mocked. “And yet I believed you were the one thinking a lot here.”

He sighed.

“Because I'm always busy, and because I have nowhere else to go. I'm here, taking people like you,” he pointed at Luffy's chest and his finger went through his body – where a deep wound was situated, cause of his last death – “to the Underworld, and that's it.”

“What's the Underworld like?”

Law sighed again. Honestly, he was surprised Luffy asked him that only now. How old was he, seventeen? When had he started dying? Never before had he asked about Death. Instead, he'd tell him about his adventures, about Shanks, Garp, Daddan, his brother, his new friends – he'd almost met that Zoro by the way – but never once he asked about his world. And it wasn't something bad – it wasn't something bad at all. It made him almost feel like he wasn't Death. Death, feared by everyone, over-represented everywhere, in art, songs, literature, and especially people's mind. With Luffy, he wasn't such a big deal.

However...

“I can't tell you that,” he stated. “No one is actually supposed to know what's going on once dead. I'm lucky no one believes – or at least not a lot of people – you on your stories about me, I'm not giving you extra-information.”

“Hey that's mean! My crew believes me!”

“It's-”

“Ok, maybe not all of them, but Chopper and Usopp do believe me!”

If there's something Law had learnt about Luffy was that he knew the boy couldn't lie. And certainly so did his crew. Maybe, he thought, they just believed him to have hallucinations during his Near Death Experiences.

“You'll have to die to know,” Law joked.

Law's jokes were always dark. Luffy pouted.

“You know I can't die.”

And this time, he grinned.

“I know.”

“But,” Luffy tried again, “technically, I'm dead? So I could take a look?”

“No.”

That was strict. Categorical. There were no argumentations whatsoever. No was no.

But Luffy was too stubborn to take no for an answer.

“You do know I can do whatever I want, right? You can't catch me.”

And before Law got enough time to react, the Straw Hat started to run towards the Underworld. Or at least, where he thought the Underworld was. Because there was nothing. He could run as fast and as much as he wanted, it seemed he couldn't get to the Underworld. It was as if he remained at the very same place.

Death – Law appeared next to him and said, looking away, as if talking to himself:

“That's a theory answered at least now.”

“What the fuck?! Bring it there, Torao!” Luffy screamed in frustration.

“It's not up to me, I don't control everything. It's not my job. And you're not dead enough to go apparently. I have to bring you there.”

“Well then, bring me there!”

“You know I can't. And if I did, that'd mean you'd be dead. You don't want to die, do you?”

“I'm not gonna die,” Luffy repeated as usual like a spell.

“I know.”

“Could I die if I do go there?”

“Why bother asking if you can't do that, anyway?”

“Could I?”

“If you're going there, there's no way back. So yes, I guess.”

“But you're coming back.”

Law looked at him as if he was stupid. Well, he was stupid sometimes. Just like now.

“I'm Death.”

“And I'm Immortal.”

“You're basically perpetual life. That makes sense you can't go there.”

“That's discrimination.”

“That's the way it is.”

“Wait- that means you never went in my world?”

“Nope.”

“Never ever?”

“Never.”

“That sucks.”

“Not really?”

Luffy scratched the back of his head.

“You're missing tons of things. And, that'd be fun to have you as nakama. Even in my crew!”

“Are you trying to recruit me, Monkey D. Luffy-ya?”

“Shishi, maybe?”

Law shook his head. That boy was unbelievable.

“So,” he said as a sofa appeared as he sat. “How did you die this time?”

“A poisoned hook went through my body.”

“Damn.”

“I actually didn't feel the pain- well, not right away- and then I was buried by the sand, so-”

“Wait, you died suffocating?”

“I don't really know? You're Death, you tell me.”

“I can only say how you died by watching your past. And I can only watch your past if I touch you. It's been years Luffy-ya, you should know that.”

The moment he finished his sentence, the boy slowly disappeared. Law rolled his eyes. It was often happening when Law reproached something to Luffy – not to listen, usually. To be honest, he was suspecting the young pirate to actually master a bit his disappearances. Or at least push it away until he didn't want to anymore – and so disappear.

He sighed.

He sighed a lot around Luffy.

“So?”

“They took my nakama.”

Luffy's look was severe, and angry. Very, very angry. The guys who did that didn't know how much they were going to regret it, obviously. His soul revealed a body covered by blood and wounds. He must have suffered a lot. He must have gone through a lot of pain, before passing out – well, actually dying, but what was the difference for Luffy now?

Law had a poor smile.

“Then get your ass back there. What are you doing here?”

“... Hi there?”

Law stretched his back – he didn't have to since he didn't actually feel tired – but this is something he'd seen so many times in humans' memories he'd started doing it without realising it. He was never against trying human things anyway, since he had all eternity why not try from time to time?

Anyways. He greeted the new guy as usual:

“How did you die?”

And the common usual answer came immediately.

“I didn't die what the fuck?”

'What the fuck' was not always in it though. Maybe implied. But yeah. Common.

Law met the guy's eyes and froze right away. That man had taken so much pain, it was barely understandable how much he'd taken before he died. He was worse than Luffy's state back in that Enies Lobby thing, when he wanted to save this Robin. He was swimming in it. He couldn't even try to guess his hair or skin colour.

And then, the soul suddenly flickered, and Law's shoulders relaxed. So he was one of those. He took a little inspiration to prepare his little explanation, but before he could even start, he heard something familiar with a voice not familiar at all.

“Torao?”

That was pretty odd to hear that from someone else than Luffy. He frowned.

“And you are?”

“Zoro.”

“Oh.”

The first nakama? What was he doing here now?

“So you got into a big fight, huh?”

“Worth it,” he replied without hesitating.

“You do know you could have died? You do know you can die?”

This time, Zoro frowned.

“You're Death aren't you? Not gonna try to kill me?”

“Try?” Law noted.

“Yeah, as if I'd let you. I'm not the greatest swordsman of the world yet.”

Obviously. Obviously Luffy's friend had to be as crazy as Luffy. Obviously. What was he even thinking about.

“Well, if that can reassure you, you're not dead. Your soul isn't rightly materialised. It's still holding onto your body. You're actually half here.”

“Great. How do I come back down there?”

“You don't. This is your body's job. I hope you have a very good doctor around, because that's not gonna be easy.”

The swordsman smirked.

“Alright, see you next time then.”

“Don't be in a hurry.”

“Wait, so Luffy's really immortal?”

Law smiled.

“Yeah.”

“Fuck. They'll have to believe him now when I'll tell them.”

“They could,” Law said. “But you're half here. You won't remember a thing about our conversation. And the pain's too great for you anyway – I know enough about you, humans, to tell when you've reached your limits.”

“That freaking sucks,” Zoro spat.

“Regretting life's choices?”

Zoro's smirk broadened.

“Absolutely not. I'll take his pain again without hesitation, mortal or not.”

Law didn't reply. He didn't expect this answer.

“Don't tell him I was here though,” Zoro said. “For the best. Don't.”

Law didn't like that. He never lied. But it wasn't like he had to lie, was it? Only an omission.

“If he doesn't ask, I won't.”

“Thanks.”

When he left, Law sighed. He could try, but there was always things he wouldn't be able to get. Humans were idiots. Especially those around Luffy.

He'd seen him happy. Angry. Pissed. Tired. Bored. He'd seen Luffy in many emotions. But never before had he seen him so... sad.

He wished he could do something for him. He didn't know what had happened, but it was bad. Very bad. In years of- of what, acquaintances? F-friendship? (Luffy did say they were nakama), he was discovering a whole new Luffy.

A Luffy who didn't talk. A Luffy who was holding all the sadness in the world in his eyes. So Law didn't talk, either. He sat next to him, on that submarine sofa he'd created on his last visit, facing the sea. He made a move to touch his back, but remembered at the last minute it was useless. And the feeling of going through someone's body wasn't something he was comfortable with.

They remained here in silence for some time. Eventually, Luffy disappeared again.

Later on, he learnt about Saboady, the loss of his nakama... he saw it through new souls who'd died around first, and the on Luffy's next death. When he asked why he didn't ask about his nakama's lives – he was surprised he didn't want to know whether they were alive or not?, Luffy simply replied:

“I know, deep down, they are still somewhere around!”

That time, after Sabaody, also worried him. He'd almost lost his body and brain control on this one, against a guy controlling poison. It was important, and he had to go back quickly for his brother, apparently. He got a lot of information about that as Luffy and the other prisoners got busy sending him new souls all over again.

But still, Law didn't like it. Immortality didn't mean everlastingness of health and brain. He could easily never die and lose his mind.

“Holy fuck.”

Law stared at the guy facing him, frowning.

“What?”

“You're him.”

“I'm-?”

“You look way more serious than I thought.”

What the fuck was this guy saying? And what on Earth was that huge hole in his chest?

“I'm Ace.”

'Ace'. Oh, Law had heard about Ace enough times not to forget it. So that must be Luffy's brother, since he seemed to know who he was talking to and- holy shit.

He was dead.

Luffy'd lost his brother.

“I guess you know who I am judging your expression. Isn't Death supposed to look creepier? I mean sure, you look like you haven't slept in centuries, but I've met hundreds of guys like you. You're much more expressive than I thought. I can't believe that idiot was right. I can't believe I didn't listen to him- this dumbass can't lie and- I can't believe he was right- fuck.”

Not knowing what to say, Law naturally opted for his usual welcome.

“How did you die?” he said, stretching his hand to him.

Ace stared at his hand, but didn't take it.

“I protected my little brother.”

If Law had a heart, he could have said it dropped.

Idiot, he wanted to say. Your brother is Immortal. Which, obviously, wasn't his case... Wait, it wasn't? He hadn't touched him yet, after all.

If Law was human, he'd start sweating. One Immortal, alright, but he wasn't ready for a hundred of them. At the same time, it wasn't like he wanted Luffy's brother to die, he'd seen how dear he was to him. And he'd seen how Luffy reacted for Sabo's desperation.

“I should have known you didn't look like Luffy's drawings, but still, I'm surprised.”

'Luffy's drawings...?'

For the first time since Luffy, Law didn't feel in control of the situation. His brother was leading the conversation, doing observations and wasn't even trying to listen to him at all.

Ace got closer to him without blinking, not hiding he was observing him very closely now.

“Nice tattoos,” he said after a while. “You look rather young, actually. Is it like, a shape you choose or are you just like this?”

“Does it really matter?” Law replied.

“I'm just asking questions. Why is Luffy calling you Torao?”

“Can't pronounce 'Law'.”

“Your name is... 'Law'? Not Death?”

“I have multiple names. Law's my own name. Are you only designed after your job?”

“I'm-... I was a pirate.”

“See,” Law confirmed, ignoring the change of tense. “People can call you Pirate, but you still have another, more private name.”

“... If you say so.”

Silence fell on them, but not for long, broken by Ace's voice:

“That makes sense though, since death is a law you can't avoid.”

Law opened his mouth, closed it.  He smirked.

“That's rich coming from a pirate.”

“Touché.”

Another silence. Law never felt awkward during those – because he didn't even know what awkwardness was. But with Luffy, he'd learned a lot of new... way of feeling things. And that definitely felt awkward. He didn't like that. He didn't like that one bit.

Of course he'd have to take people close to Luffy away one day. People Luffy cared about. Actually, since the guy was Immortal, that would happen a lot. But he never thought about it, not really. And not so soon.

“So what now?”

“You're supposed to come with me to the Underworld,” Law honestly replied.

“That shit exists?”

“I guess it does if I'm taking you there.”

“So there's no way back at all, huh?”

Law stared at his hole.

“That'd be complicated to fix.”

“I know,” Ace sighed. “I was stupid.”

“A lot of people died in a stupid way I can tell you yours is rather alright.”

“No,” the man firmly said. “I was stupid.”

Law shrugged. He wasn't here to argue whether his death was stupid or not. He didn't even know how this wound happened, to be honest.

“Shall we go?”

“Wait-” he grasped Law's hand, and unconsciously, Death immediately sighed in relief. “I'd like to know something first-”

“I can't tell you what's going to happen to you there,” Law warned.

“What about Sabo?”

He froze, and looked down at him. As their eyes met, Ace's lips turned into a smile. A huge one. It actually looked like one of Luffy's so genuine grins.

“He's alive! Fuck, I can't believe it-!” his face suddenly saddened and Law wanted to be anywhere but here right now, which is something he'd never experienced before. He'd never been anywhere. “I punched him in the face.”

It was a simple statement, but Law knew very well what he was referring to. Feeling guilty much?

“I think he got over it,” Law tried to joke.

Had he ever specified how bad he was with jokes?

“At least he's not alone,” Ace twitched a smile, “they still have each other.”

So many things were wrong with those words. Sabo hadn't reappeared since his 'death' so why should they have each other? Sure Luffy wasn't alone he had his crew but what about Sabo? None of them knew anything about him. Maybe he didn't care about them anymore and that's why he never came back. Maybe he didn't even remember them.

But Law put aside all those interjections. It was none of his business, and he wasn't prepared for an argument with someone related to Luffy. No, thank you. So he just naturally tilted his head, looking away, and scratched the back of his neck.

Ace noticed it and took a deep breath. He had no choice now, had he?

He'd seen so, so many people linked to Luffy and Ace. It was a war, after all. People died, in wars. And, knowing Luffy– He'd expect it. He expected Luffy's arrival. It was as if the guy had an subscription to death or something anyway, so he had to expect him.

Usually, when people died and he'd see Luffy in their memories, it'd make him smile. He knew he could expect his visit soon. But that time, it was different.

His brother was a human. A mortal human.

He died.

Unlike Luffy, he would not be coming back. And, knowing Luffy, he knew he'd ask for him. Just like he did for Sabo. And, just like Sabo, he wouldn't lie.

That didn't mean he was prepared for that.

“Torao?”

His eyes widened. Already?

He turned and saw him – he noticed the absence of his straw hat right away.

That wasn't good. Souls always wore important material to them with them. No matter where the object was. Luffy's materialisation without his hat, he deducted, was the materialisation of an incomplete soul. But, again, Luffy was not like the others. There was nothing he could do about that.

“Is he dead?”

Then, he saw his wound. On his chest. For a second, he saw Ace standing right where Luffy was now. Fuck, did he really have to do that? He had no idea how things worked. He had no idea how to deal with feelings.

“Tell me- TELL ME! IS HE DEAD?”

His voice kept breaking. He'd never looked so- so human to Law than now.

If he'd been able to grab him by his clothes to threaten him for an answer, Luffy would have. But he didn't, as his arms went through Law's body, as expected.

“He is,” Death whispered.

Luffy lost it. He fell on his knees.

“You brought him there? To... to the Underworld?”

“I did.”

He found himself unable to do complete sentences. Just quick answers. What was he supposed to do, anyway?

He was Death.

He wasn't human.

He wasn't from Luffy's world.

They weren't supposed to know each other. Not like that at least. They shouldn't even have developed this sort of friendship or whatever this was. He had to do it.

He was Death.

Luffy was shaking. He looked like he could kill someone – which, really, was freaking irony here.

He looked down at his hands. He looked up, at Law. Law, who was emotionless. Or seemed so. Deep down, he wished he could touch and embrace him. It was an impulse he never had had before.

“Why did you take him?”

He was Death.

“I am Death.”

“Why,” Luffy took a deep breath, “did you take him?”

His words were all articulated, slowly, one by one. The Straw Hat seemed broken. Falling into pieces. Law remembered Ace's past, what he whispered to his little brother, and he closed his eyes. Luffy stood up again.

“LOOK AT ME!” he yelled.

He looked at him. So much desperation into those dark eyes. So much sadness.

So much rage.

“You killed him, Law.”

The coldness of his tone froze Law.

“You killed Ace!”

He shouldn't be alarmed by such a statement. That was his freaking job. But, technically, yes. Yes, he did. He killed Ace.

“How COULD you?! How DARE you?! You're Death! You're literally the best person to stop that! You're the best person to decide whether you take someone away or let it go! You had a choice!”

“I didn't! You don't think I tried before? How long do you think I've been here? Nothing else than death happens! This IS death! This is the place! You're like, the only exception! You're the only exception!”

Luffy glanced at him.

“That's on you! You change things! You are the one in charge! You make your own rules! You-”

And before he could finish what he started, he disappeared.

I assume everything I just made you go through. Feel free to scream in the comments, and/or send me a message! You can also ask me any questions you wish, assuming this isn't anything implying spoilers for next chapter. Also, uni starts again soon, and I don't have a computer for now, but I will try my best to keep writing as soon as possible. Thank you for reading!

[at1stsoo]

Recap of last year’s fics

It’s time to reflect on last year, which was my second calendar year for writing but my first full year, so here’s a fic meme rundown on my stories from 2017. (Fic links here will be for AFF, but I’ll link my ao3 account at the end for anyone who prefers that platform.)

Total stories published: *This depends on whether you’re looking on AFF or ao3. It’s 9 on AFF (where Orbiting Bodies is all together), 14 on ao3. And then I did 5 drabbles that were just on Twitter/Tumblr if those count?

Total Word Count: ~125k

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? Definitely more. I had embraced the idea of continuing to write for 2017, but I thought it’d be here and there, not so continuously?

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? All Kaisoo still, but I did write Xiuchen almost as equally in Sometimes, Legends Lie. I actually almost listed them as the primary pairing, haha, just to throw people off my trail in the Mythology fest, but the heart of the story is more Kaisoo (even if Xiuchen got equal ‘screen’ time). I’ve written Chanbaek as a side pairing, but that’s not new.

New genre: I’m out here writing mythology with world building requirements? Soulmate au? Action/Adventure? Basically anything that’s not slice of life, I’m still surprised I did it. What’s your own favorite story of the year? I think… I have to give the nod to Signal Lost (& Found). But I’m really proud of how I ventured out with Campaigning for Your Heart at the start of 2017, so I’ll mention that one, too. Did you take any writing risks this year? Lots? I hadn’t written much humor (a little near the end of Waxing & Waning), so Campaigning was a risk. Uhhhh also all the smut. Which I hadn’t tried wholeheartedly until Campaigning.

Runner up: Of Keepsakes and Kisses, but it got a lot of love during the Best Days of Our Lives fest on LJ. The most fun story to write: What the Nightingale Spies. It ended up being longer in the middle chapters than I’d planned bc I was having fun writing the flirting and the missions. And the reception has been great - I love laughing with you guys in the comments. The story with the single sexiest moment: Ch 12 of Orbiting Bodies (Jongin’s New Favorite Song) - the bathroom scene OR Campaigning for Your Heart - Soo using his fancy tie on Nini The most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: Uh… the epilogue of For Me, You’ll Always Be 18 was written right after New Year’s last year, so… yeah, that. The story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Signal Lost (& Found). I didn’t know Kyungsoo’s character super well when I first outlined the story, since I was focused on Jongin’s POV and his journey. I kinda kept Nini’s mindset a lot in the beginning of writing that story, to try and capture his fears and doubts faithfully before letting myself 'learn/see’ Kyungsoo more clearly once they were ready to meet. The hardest story to write: What the Nightingale Spies. It was supposed to be my easy going, no stress writing project amid the fests. Ha. HA. But I’m very proud of what I’ve managed to do with it. The biggest disappointment: I don’t know that I have one? Maybe not spending as much time on my Orbiting Bodies chs as I 'should’ sometimes. I prioritize speed to churn those out in the moment when something Kaisoo happens, so I know the quality often isn’t there in the same way as much of my other writing. (But it’s really fun to fangirl with you all right as stuff happens!) The biggest surprise: That I’m even closer with my squad (that I met here on AFF thru reading/writing) than I was last year. That Indi is my fic wife and I get to beta just about everything of hers and she’s there for me, too, whenever I need her? How did I get so LUCKY?!? The most unintentionally telling story: Uh… What the Nightingale Spies is a pretty big ode to Kyungsoo’s voice, which I love. Favorite Opening Line(s): “Ayyyy, who left a sock in the fridge?” Chen whines.

“LEFT a sock in the fridge? Don’t you mean who put a sock in the fridge? Don’t normalize it. Since when is the office refrigerator an appropriate place to store hosiery?” Wendy asks between bites of her muffin. - What the Nightingale Spies

Favorite Closing Line(s): I’m gonna be insufferable here and say I love just about all my closing lines. It’s something I actually spend a fair amount of time on.

Top favorites: Signal Lost (& Found), Sometimes Legends Lie, and Ch 8 of Orb Bodies (The Space Between Right & Wrong). The first two are major spoilers to the fics, so here’s the ending of the OB chapter (Soo’s sad poem in the shape of a broken heart)-

Unhealthy, maybe But I can’t help believe.

In another place, In another time, You’d still Be Mine.

Favorite 5 Lines from Anywhere:

I can’t do this properly bc I hate potentially spoiling anything; here’s a half-assed attempt:

““Why on earth would I miss having my eyes assaulted by routinely bad dye jobs and socialist propaganda?” Kyungsoo retorts while calmly packing up all his things into his Fendi bag, taking longer than normal to gather up his myriad of note-taking materials. Is he lingering? He’s not lingering. Why would he linger.” - Campaigning for Your Heart

“Long ago they might have tried brushing off each other’s compliments with a self-effacing, ‘No I’m not,’ but they’ve grown comfortable over the years in accepting those sincere endearments. The beauty of a love fully bloomed, where fear of seeming immodest or worrying the other is only pandering has long since faded away.” - Of Keepsakes and Kisses

““Settle down, drama llama. Maybe you’re just taking my advice to calm your tits too seriously, and while you would’ve bent over for any dick yesterday, you’re limp for even Gong Yoo today.” - Signal Lost (& Found) [my real fave lines from this fic are in the final scene]

"A thrill runs through Kai’s body. “Oh. Well that’s, um, that’s good,” he says tentatively, not wanting the eagerness to burst out like a fucking Bat-Signal in the night sky.” - What the Nightingale Spies

“I’ve choked guys out with my thighs before.” Great, that’s an image Jongin will never get out of his head. Might as well chisel it on his bedroom ceiling - it’s all he’s going to see when he tries to sleep tonight, he just knows it. - What the Nightingale Spies

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated: 1. Jongin standing in the art gallery in Signal Lost (& Found)

2. The moment Kaisoo meet in What the Nightingale Spies

3. Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s conversation in Tartarus in Sometimes, Legends Lie

4. The pamphlets falling around Kaisoo when they kiss in Campaigning for Your Heart

5. Kaisoo standing together, holding hands and watching the sunset on the back of Soo’s yacht in Sail Away With Me Fic-writing goals for 2018:

Hmmm, trying a new genre like either fantasy/mama AU or wolf AU. Finishing the epilogues I promised for my fest fics.

Thank yous:

To everyone who’s become a friend, a reader, or a commenter. You guys are awesome and a MAJOR reason why I’m still writing and writing a lot. my ao3 account with works sorted by popularity in case you want to check out any of the ones I mentioned in this recap.

[lawofattractionlife]

WHAT’S BEEN GOING THROUGH MY HEAD RECENTLY & SOME... NEWS

+ MORE DIARY POSTS | I’ve realized that this type of long posts are not very popular on the blog but none the less I’d like to get more personal with you guys and write diary posts more frequently because I feel so happy when I do it. I always feel like when I talk or write I tend to remind myself what I already know and get things clearer. Abraham say that writing is the strongest point of focus and I truly feel that as being true. I get very focused when I do it and what better way to focus positively and at the same time help, inspire or even only warm the heart of someone who is going through something too? The main center of attention is going to be on the good and the fabulous but this doesn’t necessarily mean it’d always be like that. I want you to know that it’s not always going to be rainbows and butterflies but I’ve come to the huge realization that that’s the most amazing part of it all. I’m starting to appreciate the contrast more and more (not in the exact moment of it haha) and that’s a huge relief. So I want to share little peaks of everything so you see that I’m on my own journey too as everyone else and I’m still learning, still evolving, still bettering myself at allowing more rather than less. The whole purpose of this blog is to be my happy, ecouraging, helpful enviroment full of positivy and the main focus is going to be as it has always been - lots of quotes, lots of pictures, lots of question and answers, affirmations, videos, etc. I love writing, I’ve always wanted to start a personal blog but didn’t know how to begin with it so I decided to use this space as a little step towards that since there are so many of you now and I’m 100% positive that lots of you want to read what I have to say. I want it to be real and I want it to be written from the heart and of course... more personal. That’s why this is going to be more of a ‘whenever-i-feel-like-writing segment’ since I don’t want to put any pressure on myself just yet to set a certain time or day. This means that for now whenever I get the inspiration to sit down and write there is going to be a diary post up for you guys. Soooo.. stay tuned for that! I hope there are some of you who are excited just as I’m excited!

+ THE BLOG IS GETTING BIGGER | The blog is getting more and more attention by the day. It’s growing like a mushroom and this makes me excited beyond words. Almost everytime I sit on my computer I check out where people visit from and it’s so fun seeing the variety of places. Seeing that more and more people from all over the world are interested in the blog and the knowledge and clarity it offers makes me very happy. For sure this tumblr is my creative outlet and I put a lot of time and thought into the posts&answers, but it’s not about me it’s about you, guys! I was just talking to a friend few days ago how it’s really nice hearing people tell you that you’re amazing and doing good, but it’s even nicer to hear that you’re amazing but that they’re amazing too and you helped them realize it. That being said I’m very much appreciative of every like, answer, question and follower and especially of the people who are kind and generous enough to write amazing little messages of love and gratitude. I’m very appreciative of the people who also take the time to write back later on when they’ve asked for advice before. It never fails to make me happier knowing that I successfuly helped someone to allow their desire. Thank you guys for everything. Here’s a little fact - there are 20+ questions still waiting for an answer. It’s just that lately I’m riding on a different wave if I can put it into words like that and I don’t want to give you guys half-hearted answers. So please be patient with me and know that I haven’t forgotten nor ignorned any of them. In the mean time don’t forget the essence of law of attraction and that it all goes down to one thing - happiness. Believe me, you can feel happiness or relief under any circumstance.  

+ FUN PLANS | I have lots and lots of ideas in my pocket not only about the blog but my whole life which I’m yet again very excited about! Even though it’s winter I feel like in my head it’s spring because ideas are blooming. I’m working on two very big projects right now but they’re still at a very early stage. I felt like I’ve been procrastinating in the past week so I just let it go for a while and I’m gathering inspiration from everywhere just waiting for an impulse to work on them because when I pushed myself harder to do it when I wasn’t ready I just saw that I’m shooting myself in the foot. As I’ve said above, I’m still learning every day and right now I’m working on not being so hard on myself. I know I’ll know it when I see it and that’s enough for now. For example, today I woke up tired and uninspired to do anything again and I just softly (didn’t demand) said to the Universe in my head that I want to receive inspiration to do something today that will make me happy and look at me now - writing a huge post and the words are just flowing. I’m finally doing something that makes me feel productive in some kind of way and it happened so naturally, I didn’t plan it at all! 

+ 17:17 and ABRAHAM-HICKS | I really wanted to talk about Abraham and as I began typing this paragraph I saw 17:17 on the clock. It’s just so good seing evidence of alignment, isn’t it? I feel you there, Abraham! (I felt like people would think I’m weird having written that that I almost deleted it but who cares, I felt it and whoever undestands will understand) The blog is mainly filled with their stuff and it’ll continue to be like that. I was introduced to the Law of Attraction through the movie The Secret but I truly resonated with Abraham’s Teaching through Esther and Jerry. Their message to the world is so powerful and I feel it with every bone in my body that what they’re saying is true. I highly recommend their work to everyone!

+ LET’S GET PERSONAL | I feel like finally this post is seeing it’s end, haha. But not before I share something that makes me feel giddy even thinking about it. I don’t know what’s been going on in the past few days but I feel more in love with my boyfriend than I ever have before! It’s just the sweetest feeling. Yesterday we were going to visit his parents and he wanted to buy something for his car from a store that’s not near there. I felt like not going shopping then so he dropped me off at his parents’ house and went without me. As I was getting out of the car I thought to myself that I want him to surprise me. When he came back honestly I had already totally forgotten about the wish for a surprise. He said something in the form of “babe, I’ve forgotten something in the back of the car, can you please go get it?” and I was like... wait! He never ever does that. When we forget something usually he is the one to go get it haha. He said that it’s not important when I asked what it is so I replied that I don’t want to go because when we leave for home I’ll see it but he kept demanding. Without boring you with more details I went to the car and there it was - the huuuuge Ferrero Rocher candy I’ve wanted for years! Not only was it a cute moment but at the same time I thought damn, Universe... that was fast! A perfect example how an instant manifestation occurs when there is no resistance! 

That’s all for now. I’ve been writing this for 3 hours now and what an amazing way to perpetuate a positive momentum it has been! I feel so happy right now. I wish you an amazing week and hope you feel joy wherever you stand! 

[lightspren]

Year End 2017 Wrap Up

I’m gonna be straight up honest with y’all, I almost didn’t do one of these for this year because this year has sucked horrifically and I just didn’t see a fucking point. But I’ve done one every year for like, at least four years now, and it’s tradition, and I for some reason feel it’s important, so by damn I’m gonna look back on my text posts from the year and my memories of what I was doing and see what happened this past year.

Jan 2017 - Was beginning my last ever semester of undergrad this month. At this point I still thought I’d be going to grad school hahahah so much can fucking change in a few months. Started my AC sideblog so that’s cool. and even this far back (: we still see me struggling with debilitating pain (: which has been a trend ever since I’ve been doing these year summaries I think, is seeing how bad my pain was throughout the year. jfc. looks like I was struggling with some depression symptoms here too, go fucking figure. I had an interview for grad school too and we know how badly that went…

Feb - Here’s where I decided I thought i might be on the autism spectrum. I now think I was wrong on that self dx, but you know, journeys of self discovery are important and all that. but here’s lots more pain and tired and “brain not working” which was lots of depression symptoms I believe, sigh I let that get bad for a while there. Oh and then I learned I didn’t get into that grad school I got the interview for.  so yeah that was Feb in a nutshell l o l

Mar - Breath of the Wild came out this month and dominated my life for a month or two, I still love this game very much and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, ti’s just so good and sweet and lovely. I still haven’t even really beat it LOL and I need to but. still. that’s never been the most important part of Zelda games to me. OOO THO I had beginnings of existential crises this month!! cause I was getting so bogged down in my thesis research and didn’t know if research was what I wanted to do forever and ever anymore!! isn’t that fun!! (it was not fun). but the rest of this month seems like. a whole lot of bitching about pain. paaaain pain pain. like holy jesus bitching about pain. maybe if I printed off all these posts and gave them to my doctors they’d believe I have a problem LOL.

Apr - So I had shitty dr appointments that further hurt my chronic illness identity, and then other Ongoing Identity Crisis because of not getting into grad school and wanting a job in which I could help people. this is the month I in earnest started applying for jobs; research tech jobs mostly, but some adjacent jobs too (don’t remember what exactly). I didn’t branch out very far at this point though cause I was still McFuckin Terrified. and then I realized that I didn’t want to leave hundreds of miles away for work, cause as much as a lot of the culture of southern Appalachia can suck sometimes, it’s still home, /my/ home, and I don’t want to abandon it. I know I freaked out a lot about getting my thesis done and presented this month too bc I was soooOooOOoO unmotivated to do that shit LOL like. whew. did not want to, did not care any longer, but still had to do it.

May - GOT MY FIRST EVER TICKET LOL THAT FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD. sigh. otherwise I was mostly vague as SHIT with stuff this month. I know I graduated, didn’t walk though cause I could not give less of a fuck at that point. I applied for every job I could find that I remotely qualified for that was close enough I was willing to move to. I even had a Skype interview for one, either this month or in April. it fell through, of course.

Jun - One of my very first June posts is “who the fuck am I/how do I become who I want to be” LOL so that identity crisis was still rip roaring obvs. then that time when I tried to explain disability stigma to one of my previous (cishet white male) bosses. Had another phone interview this month for another job I didn’t get lmfao. Pretty sure this is the month where I started applying for mental health case management jobs, like a bunch of them, at different locations all in the company I’m currently in.

July - So I think it must have been around the beginning of this month that I had my first in person interview? I bombed that one hardcore. didn’t stop another location from interviewing me though, and I got a second interview with them, which I then proceeded to fail because I had no prior experience. It was brutal LOL. and the new person started at my old job, and I had to start training her, and that whole situation was just awkward and weird and Undesirable. to the maaax. it was this whole ordeal too where they’d scheduled my last day to be the 28th of July, so that’s what I was planning on and like, focused on… but then it turned out my coworker got national guard orders and had to be gone two months, so instead of having newbie there by herself, they were like (to me) “hey… just wanna… chill for two months longer or until you find a job…” which was admittedly hella cool of them.

Aug - Lots of blogging about pain, lots of general vagueblogging. I did announce publicly on tumblr that I’m intending to convert to Judaism so that’s still cool, and still a thing, even if life has been repeatedly crotch-punching me so I haven’t been able to make much actual progress on it. but then, I had the interview for my current job. that i somehow passed with flying colors. And my asthma started getting worse, and I started getting soooooo so done with my old IT job, but I /got my new job/. ALSO THIS MONTH WE GOT RADS MY SWEET NEW BABY so now our family is made of me, my husband, and two kitties.

Sept - September. Oh, September. started out so innocently, with starting orientation for my new job. I was all starry eyed and hopeful for the new job because I thought that it was a perfect home for me. then I got there. started doing things. realized that I was terrified of trying to meet my new coworkers and learn their dynamics. realized I was terrified of trying to meet my new supervisors/superiors and learn their expectations. realized that in general I just didn’t know the culture of the place at all and that fucking /terrified/ me. and then the job itself, the job itself was something I’d never done before, had no experience in /whatsoever/, had no FUCKING clue what I was doing. I was a fish out of water with no bloody idea where I was going, and hoooboy. I almost quit by the end of September, I truly did.

Oct - tw: miscarriage at end of month I started therapy for my anxiety!!! yay!!!! I had a lot of adapting to work in this time too that I didn’t really talk much about on tumblr too I think. I mean I was learning a lot, I was meeting more of my clients, some even time. I was still terrified, especially of my other coworkers because I didn’t know them or understand them, but even at that, I was learning. [Stop reading if you need to avoid tw miscarriage and skip to Nov.] The other horrifically sucky thing to happen in Oct happened not to me, but to my sister. She’d found out a few months perviously that she was pregnant, at 37 years old. they’d just recently gotten all the genetic testings back and found out they were going to have a girl. unfortunately though, the baby stopped developing at 15w. my sister discovered this at what would’ve been 17w. she had to have surgery to remove the baby. she’s still recovering from this trauma, she’s heartbroken and just. very upset. I’m still upset for her too.

Nov - Last month I was doing ok I think. I was doing pretty well at work, kinda just coasting along but mostly getting the hang of things. Therapy had been helping I think; it’d been teaching me somethings, mostly only small differences but I think having someone to talk to had been helping frankly. Work was going well, and we’d decided to start looking for a house to /buy/ (realtor.com) but hadn’t hired a realtor yet. probably for the best. as it turns out now…

Dec - Fuck you, December. the good news is, my new job’s health insurance kicked in Dec. 1st. which is great, considering I got admitted to the hospital  Dec. 7th, a Thursday. the Monday prior I’d tried to pop a zit, no big deal. WRONG. it got infected. not just any old infection, though, oh no. FUCKING MRSA. so I got cellulitis in my face, my whole right side of my face swelled up three times the normal, I got MRSA/pneumonia in my lungs, I had MRSA in my bloodstream. when I came in the ER I had very low blood pressure and heartrate of 130, so I was septic. like. shit was going down. I stayed in the hospital 6 days, and they released me with a PICC line and having to do vancomycin (really strong IV antibiotic) twice a day via the line. I went back to work too early for two days, but saw my PCP on the third day and he put me off that again. /Then the chest pain started/. I assumed it was a side effect of the vancomycin, since back and chest spasms/pain are a listed side effect, but NO, apparently NOT, at least not to this DEGREE. The home health pharmacy, who I called to ask about it, called the on-call at my PCP, who advised to go to the ER to get checked for a “pulmonary embolism.” Doesn’t sound scary at aaaaaaaaaall. Get in ER, go through the whole terrifying ordeal, CT scan, x-ray, shit and shebang - what do you fucking know. I have a septic embolism. very rare. much wow. fuck me. so here I am, once again, in a fucking hospital room, tied up to IV antibiotics, at the end of Christmas day. At least they’re keeping the pain meds going now. Oh at one point my kidney function tried to drop, then it turned out I had a pleural effusion so they drained 550cc (half a liter) of fluid off my lungs (painful as fuck let me tell you). Ended up spedning 5 days total in the hospital, home now, but still in like. the same amount of pain as when I went in. Having to fight with so many things to get medicines sorted and shit. while feeling like shit too. everything is awesome.

So that’s it. 2017. That doesn’t even get into the way 2017 has sucked on a global, non-personal scale, that’s just how it’s sucked on a mostly-immediately-personal scale, and I’ve even left out some of the immediately personal ones I think. and that’s just the shit I remember LOL jesus christ. I really need to do an effigy burning of this year.

[tsurvivorbelize]

S88E1: “Her Name Is Actually Emily” - Kyle

The premiere of Tumblr Survivor 88: Belize takes 18 new castaways to the heart of the jungle and start their journey to become the newest Sole Survivor.

This episode covers DAYS 1 & 2. 

Honestly? I’m kinda loving this game. Everyone on my tribe seems really cool, and we’re seemingly working together well. Normally I enjoy some drama and getting my hands dirty a bit early on but based on first impressions with this tribe? I don’t think I’d mind if we all got our to merge- then again it’s just day 1, by day 10 I’ll probably be begging for a swap.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efa-NmW_vnQ&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/RR37pTsKF-w

I'm already getting shady and good vibes .I'm worried already but I hope things can get better

I’m super excited, idk how I feel about my tribe...idk I feel like not many people I will connect with but imma have to fake it until I make it

So I just spent the past few hours talking to everyone on the tribe and nearly forgot we had a challenge 🤷‍♂️. So yeah, I don’t think anyone is going to peg me as the brains of any operation, and I’m starting to think maybe I need to be assigned the “Very easy” puzzle. That’s not because I forgot we had a challenge though, that’s just because I’m stupid.

So at this point there is 3 people in my tribe who already know each other! At this the 3 left in the tribe could join forces and force a tie, which I find very risky at this point, or we could just suck those 3 ass and try to be in the majority alliance with them.

Good afternoon (although the time right now is 7am in Belize so I guess good morning) from the lovely Minanha tribe, and holy shit. I know Survivors are based around luck, but lucking out on having two guys I've known for about 5-6 years on my tribe as immediate easy allies is fantastic. Spike, I met through Minecraft UHCs years ago, where I teamed with him in one of my first games and it was great, and Adam I met through an SMP server run by somebody you guys may all know, Bodhi/Goldcap, and then I basically introduced Adam to a bunch of my other friend groups. Through this, there's a beautiful time to be had for this tribe and I'm just infinitely hoping that Adam and Spike don't stab me in the spine.

Hey so first day or 2 in tribe has been good, I like everyone! It helps I know Katy and Spike but also like I don't want that to put a target on our backs, and it'd be unfair to just work with those I already know, I will do but if needed I can be ruthless. Hopefully we win this challenge and then see what happens, if it goes to tribal well, that's when it gets interesting.

Spike and Axe have both accidentally said racial slurs without realising they'd said racial slurs because they'd never heard of them before and they made them both by just combining my name with Spike's name. Oh no. This tribe is fucked and we're all gonna die.

https://youtu.be/xUvO_y05KNQ

MY FRIENDS ARE FIGHTING ABOUT BRIE LARSON NOOOOOOOOOO.

https://youtu.be/HlsfD_JvUrs

When the hosts make a comment about adding hosts to alliance chats, and you then assume it means that alliances have sprouted.......then you realize you had three people ask you to work together, but alliances typically consist of 3 or more people and include a chat with those people......... Then you realize that means the probability of people disliking you is high and you’ve solidified your first boot status 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Okay so my tribe is a pretty decent I guess. Brien Weber isnt the kind of girl I like to be honest. He betrayed me and I voted him out my last org so this should be fun! Emily talks like a robot too btw? My closest ally is definitely Kyle. We have a lot in common and he thinks i'm cute so it's easy to flirt with him to get on my side. Taylor and Scott arent bad either. I'm building my relationship to them- maybe they could potentially turn into future allies for me :)

I think im gonna vote matt cause he doesn't talk much

https://youtu.be/VIheM4S1IHw

- I can’t believe I looked at Cas’ photo and thought he was an old white woman....my bad

- Aaron is really starting to turn me off. He’s acting crazy about voting off David. I mean I’m finna do it so I’m not a target but I got my eye on him.

https://youtu.be/1qEEEchOOqM

- So a few of my friends decided to take a trek into these temples and came back out with punishments and disappointment. However my lucky self came out with a no vote pass to give away to someone else. So if someone gets testy and decides to be shady as shit, then I'll gladly revoke their voting privileges! :D

- I really like my tribe. I'm getting really close with some people too! Like Jarret, he's like my best friend in the game right now and always makes me laugh. Then  Brien is my drinking buddy, Olivia, I mean Emily is my fellow Michigander, Taylor is my comedy bud, and Scott is my strategy co-conspirator.

- Okay, I keep telling everyone I'm not tired, but I'm fucking tired. Being social is exhausting. I should let everyone hate me and not give a shit if I'm honest.

https://youtu.be/TWCyhqBxyG8

https://youtu.be/gWjLMsOGjvs

- So, as luck would have it, I'm the only person on my tribe who got 3 points from that puzzle challenge, but even that was real close against Brien from No Vaxx or whatever that tribe is called. I wasn't sure what kind of scores to expect from anybody in this game, as I'm used to people who tryhard the fuck out of challenges rather than just submit a semi-good score, and honestly... these scores still don't tell me much whatsoever. Probably just that I shouldn't underestimate the girl who can do a puzzle in 10 seconds.

-  Veni, who is my host chat friend I've invited in, has raised a hilarious point as well. In every Survivor I've ever played, whether Minecraft or Discord or Twitter, I've never been perceived as a challenge threat before. The closest I ever got was when I stayed awake for 40 hours to win immunity at merge. But with my score here, and being the only person to get 3 points on my tribe... what if I finally, after being shit in other Survivor challenges for years, end up being a challenge threat? Crikey crikey.

https://youtu.be/wWNdip6Vxpc

-  Skype's auto-responses make me wanna end it.

-  My previous 2 or so confessionals have been submitted as Day 2, I apologise profusely, but anyway... I wanna take a confessional to comment on the guys in the tribe I don't know from outside the game. Christian, Pietro & Gevonte. I've only just managed to speak to Gevonte today, she's been very much busy and inactive but hey, she's here now and very fun to speak to. We've spoken a fair bit about the differences between FB & Discord Survivors, since neither of us have played Tumblr Survivors before (I think???), and with her inactivity I thought she was a sure fire easy first boot for the tribe, but now I'm not so sure. Pietro is a darling as well, and seems to be pretty much the exact same as a mutual me, Axe, Spike & Veni all have called Kaz, who's also from Brazil. Speaks very much the same as Pietro does, they both have the same mannerisms and same level of likeability and ease to speak to, and I think Pietro is a fun ally as well. And then there's Christian. Don't get me wrong, Christian is also very pleasant, very kind and clearly a lovely person to interact with, but when I compare them to my interactions for the first time with Gevonte or Pietro, they're much more... I guess the optimal word would be awkward to speak to. Maybe they're just not good with new people, maybe it's me and my Asperger's being weird, or maybe there's just not good chemistry between us, but I do value Christian, but at this point, based off nothing else because there's nothing else to base it off, I'd choose Christian as the tribe's goat, and the tribe's easy boot moving forward. Then again, I could just back stab Spike ^w^

I’m very concerned for Olivia. Everyone has now been in the talks of alliances, and her name is the only one that hasn’t been mentioned, and that’s not even because her name is actually Emily. They just haven’t brought her up. She’s such a sweetie though, so I really hope she gets some free time to do some more talking.

-  Okay let’s chat. My tribe...pretty lame. David is basically inactive. Cas has the personality of cardboard so far. Jay is actually cool. AARON IS THE MOST. He’s constantly sending me voice messages which idk why it irritates me but it does. Just message me dude. And he is so paranoid! He thinks everybody is always trying to cheat. Idk...where I come people play for fun and don’t aggressively cheat or maybe that’s just me. He’s pressed about not being able to talk cross tribal (dumb). AND he aggressively wants David out because he’s worried since David knows Madison he might log on to her phone or she might leak info to help him cheat. Boy bye. I’m not going to do anything about him yet because the beauty of being in a new community is I can play dumb like idk what I’m doing and I’m really trying to capitalize and act wholesome. Yikes when the confessional comes out 😅. But oh well. I’m just going to let Aaron explain how to play to me and coast through until I can reach Gevonte who will be my for real ride or die.

-  Madison is pretty.

Tumblr Survivor: Belize, condragulations, you are the winner.

So it's been almost a full round and.... I'm only JUST now talking to most of my tribe lmfaoo. Skype is so weird. Just it being on a different platform makes socializing weird for me. Because I have to remember skype exists. On top of that, everyone else on the tribe seems not all that talkative in and of itself. Granted I know I wasnt tosking all that much either, but since we're safe I need to spend the next few days making connections or else I'm just gonna be another nameless flop. And I've done TOO much of that on FB as it is!

Day 2 and everyone has gone mad already, talking about drag queens and other pop culture stuff.

https://youtu.be/uYl2b48z5GA

https://youtu.be/da7YR2Uz08A

Why does Christian keep asking me about my toilet?

[p-aralian]

It’s been a while since I’ve confronted my thoughts and feelings so what better time to do that than now? 

I had an exam today and I thought that when it ended, I’d have this amazing feeling of accomplishment, that I kicked it in the butt and that I’m definitely passing it. Both of that is true and yet, it didn’t feel great. It just felt like “okay that’s done, what’s next?” I don’t know, I’m kinda disappointed by that. But maybe I shouldn’t be. I feel like I have this inherent need to make everything a big deal or find some deeper meaning to things than there actually is. I failed this exam last November and it was painful. It’s the first time I thought I actually studied for something and failed it. After ACTUALLY studying for it properly, I realised that I hadn’t done it justice the last time and failing was totally justified. I remember feeling like that failure did good for my character and that it was something to grow from. Time will tell, I suppose. Anyhow, I have a month and a half before I get my results and I go back to work next week, my parents get back tomorrow, so before I get busy again, I really want to use tonight to really tease out my feelings and find out what’s going on with me. 

These past 3 weeks of doing nothing but studying was very challenging for me. I’m sure this isn’t unique to me but when I’m studying, I feel like I can’t do anything else. At work however, I know that the evenings are mine and so are the weekends so I am able to strike a balance, but only because it’s forced upon me. While studying, I was really struggling to instil discipline in myself. It all worked out in the end, but I gave myself a lot of anxiety and panic attacks throughout the process. I did, however, sometimes, find meditation helpful and I will continue making that a part of my life. I also found that taking melatonin supplements helped me sleep at night and while I don’t want to make this a habit, I think I’m going to need it for the next week at least while I get settled into my routine of working and enjoying little indulgences in spare time like dance class / workouts / random weekend activities. I enjoy work a lot. My colleagues are my best friends, I feel needed and useful, I learn a lot, it’s my thing that’s not tied to anyone else and I love that. I feel like it’s time for me to start thinking about my career in the long term and earning good money and saving up and all those adult things. So I will be applying for training contracts at different firms from next week (hopefully diligently). When I’m working though, and maybe I don’t know if I think this is the best part about it but I’m so busy to really think about life and stuff. While I was studying, omg, I was thinking about things that I thought I was past, I was feeling things that I wish I wasn’t and it was terrifying. Because of that, I don’t want my “routine” shall we say, to keep me so busy that I sweep everything under the rug rather than deal with it the thorough, healthy way. I want to acknowledge, understand, accept how things make me feel, why they make me feel that way, what I like or don’t like about it and how to deal with it. I think the meditation will be good for me in this regard. I can’t just find something else to do to keep me busy so that I don’t think about things. 

Now I’ve been so vague thus far, saying “things” and “stuff” so I wanna just try to scratch the surface of what those are. 

First, needless to say, is the one person who always plays on my mind - Shad. I don’t know what to do really. I mean, it’s been a year a 5 months since our breakup now. On a day-to-day basis sure, I can get by my day. But he still haunts my thoughts, I still miss him so much. Obviously I think about all the good times, all the mushy lovely passionate moments we shared play in my mind on repeat and it’s excruciating. I miss all that, I miss what we had, I miss who he was. I don’t know how to phrase this properly but sometimes I think that when I miss him, I’m not sure if I’m missing him or if I miss the idea of him / how I assume he would be impacting my life in that moment. Let me give an example. Obviously when I was stressed, yes I missed him because I knew for a fact that he did a lot of things to help me but it’s not like he’s here and he’s horrible on text + there’s a time difference. So the question is: in that moment, do I really miss him particularly or do I just want someone to do what he would have done for me and make me feel better the way he did when we were together? I don’t know. Shad was an amazing person, we had the greatest love I will ever know and I’m still heartbroken. That’s all I can say really. It’d mean the world to me just to see him again, one last time. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks of me too, probably not as often as I do. I also wonder if he’s found someone new and if he has, whether she loves him half as much as I do. I hope he’s happy. 

Wow okay, crying a lot right now. Brb. 

Whew okay I’m back.  I’ve been forcing myself to be able to deal with tough mental situations myself. I find it easy to talk to close friends when I’m angry and pissed off and ranting. But I feel like when I’m anxious and I have that heavy feeling in my heart, I just feel super vulnerable and only someone whom I’ve been vulnerable with can make me feel better and I want that person to make me feel ‘taken care of’ or something. I don’t know. Usually that person tends to be the person that I like at that moment. But that’s so bad. Or when there is none, I’ll just go into majorly distracting myself by essentially shutting myself out and talking to strangers on the Internet be it on dating apps or literally “talkwithstranger.com”. Why is that a coping mechanism for me? I really don’t understand it. Sometimes I wish I could afford a therapist so that these issues can really be ironed out and explained to me. Anyways, back to my efforts - whenever I feel anxious, be it about studying or not being able to sleep or Shad, I’m trying not to distract myself with a TV show (unless I’m having a breakdown) or by talking to anyone. I want to get through it myself. This is where the meditation is helping. Breathing has always helped me. I think I read somewhere on Tumblr of a sequence of in-breaths and out-breaths to do that specifically help with anxiety. So yeah, point is, I want to be able to do this myself so that I don’t have to rely on anyone else. Clearly still finding my feet but I’m proud of myself for my efforts. I feel like I’m trying to be healthy emotionally and mentally, which is the difficult but more fulfilling path to take. 

Now, moving on to the trajectory of my life... Sometimes with the “routine”, I don’t actually realise just how fast time is passing by. And I’m still in that “oh I’m still young” phase but the day that I can’t use that excuse anymore is gonna come sooner than I think. And yes I know that everyone has their own timelines but I do personally want to achieve things before I’m thirty. Like okay let’s talk this through. Assuming all goes to plan with this exam, I’ll do my Part B this year (more studying ugh but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there) and I’ll be called to the Bar next year in August which will make me a practising solicitor when I’m 25, bearing in mind that I’m born in January, I’ll still be in my first year of practice when I turn 26. That’s so old! And then what? Do I stay in practice in Singapore? Do I go away and do my Masters and TRY to settle elsewhere? I don’t want to plan too much because these questions have answers that are dependent on a lot of variable factors but still, it’s scary. And yes, I know it’s about the journey like wow there’s so much of life to go but I just hope everything turns out okay, I mean, life is expensive and I want to be earning well and save enough to be able to afford big things that I will want in the future. Then there’s relationships. I thought I’d be married by 30 (lol the older I get, the later that age becomes fml) but I’m still figuring out what I want out of a relationship then there’s oh, of course, the question of who the hell I’m going to marry. I can’t even with that right now. I’m not even thinking about that in the first place but also it’s so hard to date in this country while living under my parents’ roof?! That’s another thing altogether and honestly is not bothering me too much at the moment but when I do want to get serious about a person, that is definitely going to be a problem. Don’t get me wrong, I love living with my parents... but like only half of the time. 

Okay I think I’ve actually regurgitated a lot of the things that were bothering me. There’s just one last thing. 

There’s a boy I like. He’s funny, smart, kinda sweet. I’ll refer to him as “R”. Not to be like all into myself and stuff but usually when a guy likes me, they’re usually like way more into it than I am so I that I can tell (which is a put-off yeah cuz there is also fun in not knowing). If not that then I like the guy and I can sway him towards me pretty easily. Or then there’s what I had with Shad, where there was a lot of physical attraction but when it came to emotional stuff, at least there was enough tension between us to know that he cared about how it would end up just as much as I did. 

Anyways, back to R. With him, it’s different. It’s chill. Which is so new for me. I know he likes me too but we don’t talk about it (and I think I’m supposed to feel like that is a good thing). Sometimes I feel like the one overcompensating or needing more from “us” before I snap myself out of it and remind myself that this is just supposed to be breezy. We can spend time with each other but also live our lives, with the ability to consult each other as recourse in difficult situations while not being codependent. He’s a straight up, genuine guy and I’m grateful that I’m sharing this with him. Getting to know him, spending time doing fun activities with him has been so much fun and *that’s all it has to be*. He’s been a positive influence in my life and in my thought/character development. Still working on finding my balance but yeah, just wanted to give R a little bit of recognition. 

That’s all the reflection I have in me for now, Tumblr. Thank you for being there for me the past 8 years and counting. 

[artyartefacts-blog]

First Post

As you've probably guessed from the title of this post, I'm pretty new here- which is very exciting, as it means I have a whole new online place to explore and become a part of!

 It does, however, mean that I'm a complete unknown, at least as far as Tumblr is concerned.

 You're probably wondering, who is this? What is this blog going to be about? Why should I care?

 Or maybe you're not wondering that at all, and have merely stumbled across this post on the way to something else.

 This post may not even get you to care about me, Arty Artefacts, or anything else I could ever write about, and that's fine. I'm starting an arty, historical, blogging adventure, which is plenty enough for me, so even if no one reads this ever, I'm still looking forward to what's to come. It'd just be nice to be able to share the journey, you know? But if it turns out it's not for you, no hard feelings.

 All of which is basically me avoiding writing about myself, which I kinda hate. I much prefer to be behind the scenes, making sure everything is running smoothly without being spotted by the audience. But hey, let's break the habit of a lifetime and introduce myself to the internet.

 Well… perhaps that's not *quite* true. I run a small handmade wedding stationery company, and have website and a couple of Etsy shops as part of that, so I'm not entirely new to the internet. I've had a few blogs in the past too, so I'm not a complete novice at this either. However, I found I quickly ran out of things to talk about (wedding stationery honestly isn't that difficult to work out), so they fizzled out after a while.

 I know I'll not run out of things to talk about with this blog though - but more on that in a moment…

 As well as the wedding stationery, I sell my artwork on t-shirts, phone cases and stickers using print-on-demand services online. Some of it is original art by me, some are quotes or phrases, some are using pretty vintage images.

 This is a lot of fun. It's not going to let me retire a millionaire aged thirty (unless something changes very, very soon…), but knowing that someone who I've never met has picked my design out of all the hundreds of thousands available and will be using it- well, it's a pretty awesome feeling.

 My designs have, admittedly, been scattered in terms of stlye, and I've been looking for a way to unify them. I've got a store called Bookish Behaviour where I've put all my reading and writing-based designs, however I'd got the urge to draw, and quotes and vintage images weren't quite scratching that itch…

 Cue a lovely weekend break in Oxford with the boyfriend.

We spent most of the weekend in the fabulous museums in the city. One thing you should know about me before we go any further; I'm a bit of a history nerd. By 'bit of', I actually mean 'complete and utter'. Museums are like my second home, have been since I was a kid.

Some of my favourite photos from Oxford. We took about 1200 photos between us, so this really is only a small amount of my favourites!

Being surrounded by so many fascinating artefacts from across the world was wonderful. 'What a shame they're all stuck here,' I thought, realising it sounded like I was planning a heist. 'I bet people all over the world would love to see these - maybe I could put them onto t-shirts…'

 Of course, just using the photos wasn't going to work. Due to the low-level lighting employed for conservation purposes, most of the photos we took were too dark or blurry to use. The other half had reflections from glass cabinets, other objects in the shot or it was just a fragment of the item that caught my attention. And many of the objects were in muted earth tones, either because that was how they were made or because they had lost their colour over time - not very interesting for t-shirts!

 But, I can draw. And I can see the parts of an object that would make a good design. And I'm pretty good at putting colours together.

 So, I took my dark, blurry photos, sat down with a sketchbook and some coloured markers, and began to translate what I saw at the museums into  bold sketches that I could envision on a multitude of items.

 I realised that I could- maybe should - use my drawings to share the story of these artefacts with people across the globe. What good is preserving an item in a museum, if only a few people are ever going to know it exists? Even if it isn't the article itself (and nothing can really substitute seeing the real thing), I can at least share it in some way with someone else, who can then share it with someone else, and so on and so forth.

 I played around with the colours, sometimes leaving them close to the original, sometimes changing them to make a monotone piece more eye-catching, and worked the drawings up in my own style.

See this chap? He’s based on the middle photo of the group above. 

I am now in the process of adding them to the various places where I will sell them (you can check out my progress here).

 Now, obviously, as part of my aim is to share these items, I need to get a bit of attention for myself. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not a huge fan of the limelight, so I had to think of something other than just my artwork to talk about.

 What I am a huge fan of is trivia, particularly historical trivia - and there's plenty of that to keep me going forever! The great thing about history is that there's more of it every day.

 So as well as sharing my artwork and some of the history behind them, I'll also be sharing a titbit of information every day about something that happened on that day in history. I've been compiling a list of facts for this purpose, and have come across some interesting things that I hope you'll enjoy too.

 And, as I'm reading this before publishing, I've realised that I haven't actually told you my name yet.

 I'm Rosie, and it's a pleasure to meet you. I hope you'll join me on my arty, historical, blogging adventure :) If you do, please make sure to follow me .

 Oh, and if you know anyone else who would like what I'm going to be writing about, please share this post with them. Sharing is caring, right?

[macyjayje]

First Project Proposal:

 Section 1: Rationale 

 For my Final Major Project, I have decided to explore a variation  of mediums which will all relate to a main theme. I have chosen to do this  rather than go down a single pathway because I feel like by doing this I will  be developing a lot of techniques. I am planning on creating a body of work  from a range of techniques, this will include; illustration, projection,  pattern work, film making, music exploration and also applying my creations  to a variety of products which are associated with my theme.

 I am hoping to create a large collection of work so I already know  that in order to achieve that I will have to be organized and work quick but  efficiently to be able to be successful. I am also planning on being quite  experimental with the techniques I am using to create my body of work so I am  going to have to develop my skills for example in projection or film making  because I only have a basic knowledge and understanding of the mediums.

 During the making of my Final Major Project I am really going to  enjoy being free with what I can create and using a variation of techniques  that I am not the most familiar with. Also being able to visualize in real  life what’s in my head I am really looking forward to and seeing the journey  in which how I’ve created all my work and how things have changed over the  course of ten weeks.

 The main theme that runs through my Final Major Project is  nostalgia so from that I am hoping to connect with people who were apart of  the nighties era  and even give an  insight to those that weren’t. I hope that the work I go on to create holds  an essence of memorabilia and fun.

 Section 2: Project Concept 

 I have always been interested in  different sub-cultures due to a love for the different films, music and style  associated with that era. I also take a lot of inspiration from my dad who  has been a part of a lot of cultures growing up and has constantly changed  his style and music taste due to the different eras. For a long time I’ve  always been fascinated with 90’s music and fashion but never really looked at  the era itself as much as I had previously with the 60s/70s. I then started  asking about what it was like and dug out some old pictures of my mum and dad  during that time, it was then that I became really infatuated with the era. I  found it really interesting hearing about what the club scene was like for my  parents and how much cooler it was compared to what it’s like now. This is  why when looking at the themes I found that ‘nostalgia’ was a reoccurring one  due to my chosen subject matter being a thing of the past.

There are several aspects of this era  that I find interesting from the fashion to the music and the visuals that  you would see at a nightclub during a DJ set.  I also find it interesting how fashion and music traits from the 90’s  rave scene are slowly circling back to today whether it’s a certain pattern  or type of music, its making its way back into the life of today. This is why  I thought it’d be really exciting to explore the 90s rave culture and try and  recreate the era that my parents had the best time and created the best  memories.

I am planning on researching everything  to do with the 90s rave scene, from the fashion, music, colours, and patterns  to the must have drug, DJs and locations for illegal raves. I am going to do  this by using Pinterest, any books found in the library and also my parents  as references.  I am then going to  start sampling with illustrations, patterns and projections in response to my  theme and then see where they lead me.

I don’t know what I see my final outcome  as of just yet but I am hoping to have a strong collection of work covering a  variation of mediums which all relate the 90s rave scene, I’d also like for  the audience to feel nostalgic when they are experiencing my work and feel as  if they were there.

 Section 3: Evaluation 

 In order to fully be able to evaluate my  work I have set up a Tumblr blog to document record everything I am doing for  my Final Major Project! I will use this to document any research done, any  challenges or triumph’s when experimenting and sampling and also nay  inspiration that I find along the way. Additionally I think it is really  important to have my peer’s influence apart of my work so I will be  constantly asking for their opinions and thoughts and nothing all their  feedback down, I will also assess my own work in a similar way.