#i spoiled myself on all the ending shit months ago

[dark-star-exe]

HE IS RIGHT THERE SHADOWHEART!!

[wintrwinchestr]

an overture of indulgence (joel miller x f!reader oneshot) 18+

summary: it's been a long time since you've seen joel, and some things have changed, but a lot has stayed the same. namely, how quickly he can still get you on his knees for him, ready to show him exactly just how much you like what has changed about him.

warnings: 18+, smut, post-outbreak, jackson joel, d/s relationship dynamics, pet names (baby, babygirl, sweetheart, sweet girl, etc), body worship, belly kink, talk of weight gain, belly riding, m/f masturbation, lil bit of humiliation kink, lil bit of edging, reader is an adult but age otherwise unspecified, reader is shorter than joel and has hair long enough to grab, let me know if i missed anything :)

word count: 4.3k

a/n: just fuckin outing myself left and right these days huh. idk what came over me with this one. started this late last night and here it is now. belly enjoyers rise!!!!!!! nice comments/reblogs appreciated if you enjoyed <3 you can't kink shame me bc i like getting bullied so now what. also i avoided daddy kink for once in my life please clap. i know i’m spoiling y’all this weekend don’t get used to it.

divider by @saradika

“...Joel?!” you shout, your leisurely walking pace quickly turning into a hurried jog as you leave Tommy behind, making a beeline toward the man you would swear on your life is Joel Miller. A small handful of years ago now, he was kind of your boyfriend, kind of not, kind of something else more complicated and unlabeled, because who can afford to put a label on anything in times like these?

Joel’s head turns in your direction at the sound of his name, and as soon as you spot that crooked scar across the bridge of his nose, you’re certain it’s him.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe it,” you half-cry, throwing your weight into him as you wrap him in a tight embrace. He’s much taller than you, but you still managed to knock him off his balance a little. He envelops your whole body in one of his signature, all-encompassing hugs, and it’s like no time has passed at all.

The two of you had ended whatever it was you had on good terms, no hard feelings or animosity shared between you. It was just hard to maintain any kind of relationship in a world like this, and trying to nurture romance in the Boston QZ was much like trying to grow a rose garden in toxic, radioactive soil. You can put as much care and effort and something like love into it as you have in you, but the circumstances will just never allow it to reach its full potential. The end of your “relationship” was mutual, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Especially when he had disappeared one day without so much as saying goodbye.

When you had stumbled upon Tommy and a group of patrollers in the snowy forest outside Jackson just earlier today, you were alone, tired, and losing hope that this rumored safe haven even existed at all. You had heard crackles through the radio in the QZ about the community, and even though it sounded too good to be true, what else did you have to lose anymore? After months of travel and survival and pain and hunger, you’d never been so happy to meet a bunch of strangers in the woods in your whole life. You didn’t hesitate to get on the back of Tommy’s horse, and let him lead you to the sanctuary they spoke of.

As he was giving you a tour, proudly showing off their electricity, running water, fresh food, and clean houses, you had started to look forward to what the future may bring, for the first time in a long time. You could never have imagined you’d ever run into Joel again, that this is where he had ended up, of all places. And now here the both of you are, bodies pressed as tightly together as possible, breathing in each other’s familiar scents and never wanting to let go again.

Joel is the first to break the embrace, grasping your head in his large hands and frantically searching your face for any sign that he could be dreaming, that fate hasn’t really brought you back together again after all.

“Jesus Christ, it’s really you,” he breathes, and you swear his voice breaks just a little bit as he presses his lips to your forehead, closing his eyes as he does.

When he blinks them open again, he meets Tommy’s gaze, who’s standing quietly a few yards back from where you’re having your sentimental reunion. Tommy gives an understanding nod, and gestures that he’ll be waiting inside the community’s dining hall, gathering that whatever this is happening between his brother and some girl he only just met, he shouldn’t interrupt. Joel is grateful for many things today, one of them being the rekindled bond he has with Tommy, the other being how you somehow miraculously found your way back to him.

Small groups of other Jackson residents follow Tommy into the dining hall shortly afterward, and as the sun begins to set behind the mountains, Joel realizes it must be about time for dinner to be served.

He detaches his lips from your forehead, brushing some of your hair away from your face as he takes you in again. “You poor thing, must be starvin’ I bet,” he wonders aloud, giving you a sympathetic look.

“Kinda always am, just as a rule, but yeah,” you reply, trying to make light of your situation. Though, Joel doesn’t seem to find the humor in it the way you do.

“Long as you stay here, ain’t ever gotta worry about that again, that’s for damn sure.” He runs his tongue across his lips as he finishes his sentence, already knowing that whatever meal they’re serving tonight, it’ll be some of the most delicious food he’s had in a long time. He suspects you’ll feel much the same. “C’mon, let’s get you inside. Get you warm and fed for once in your life.”

–

Your heart, your stomach, your soul, all feel full as you relax into the comfortable couch in the living room of Joel’s cozy home. He wouldn’t even entertain the idea of you staying in an empty house all by yourself tonight, insisting that if you’d like some company while you settle in, you were more than welcome to his. He had let you spend as long as you wanted to in his shower, and he didn’t mind if there was hardly any warm water left by the time you were done. He sure as hell wasn’t paying the bill, and you deserved to feel truly clean. He can remember clear as day how he felt after his first Jackson shower, like he had stripped off a layer of grime he hadn’t been able to scrub all the way clean in twenty years. He had gone to Maria to get you some clothes and underwear while you were bathing, and set them silently on the sink counter for you to put on whenever you were done.

And now here you sit, feeling full and clean and satisfied and comfortable and safe, watching Joel stoke the logs in his fireplace as it casts the whole room in a honey orange glow. You take a moment to admire him while he isn’t looking, and even in the dim and flickering lighting, you can see he’s just as handsome as he was the last time you saw him. He looks older, with more gray in his longer hair and meat on his bones, the latter trait likely due to years worth of the hearty cooking you both indulged in tonight. He looks… good like this.

“It really is nice to see you again, you know. You look…” you start, not being able to help the way your eyes wander to his soft lower belly, the way it pushes taut against his tucked-in flannel shirt and just barely spills over the edge of his jeans.

He turns his head away from the fire to face you. You’re not very subtle in your staring, and he knows what you’re referring to right away. He huffs a light chuckle, trying to brush off the way he thinks you’re poking fun at him.

“I know, I know,” he acknowledges, placing a hand on his stomach. “Been tryin’ to get Maria to give me some more patrol shifts, see if I can get some of the weight off. But hey, you try havin’ three square meals a day for the first time in twenty some odd years, see what it does to you, huh?” He pivots his attention back to the fireplace, and he seems to turn his body further away from you on purpose, so that you can’t see the round profile of his tummy as much.

“No! No, it, um… It suits you. I was gonna say you look good, actually.” You’re quick in your reply, trying to make it clear that you didn’t mean to offend him, without letting too much on. 

He scoffs. “C’mon, you don’t gotta flatter me, sweetheart. I know I don’t exactly look the way you remember–”

“Joel, will you stop?” you interrupt, your voice laced with exasperation. “I’m being serious. Do I look like I’m making fun of you?”

He cranes his neck to look back at where you’re perched on the couch, and gives you a once over. “Guess not… Look a lil’ like somethin’ else, though, if I'm bein’ honest,” he says with a teasing smirk. And there he is again, the same quick-witted Joel you remember from back in the QZ.

You choose to engage in his banter, just to see where he’s going with it. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

He shrugs, beginning to mindlessly poke at the firewood again. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you look like you might like it.”

He’s just kidding around with you, trying to rile you up, you’re sure. But when he gets silence in return instead of the sound of you jumping to defend yourself with another playful jab, he turns to face you once more, and is met with your stunned expression. 

“Oh…” Joel looks down at himself, then back to you again, just in time to catch your eyes flitting from his middle back up to his face. “What, you like ‘em big, sweetheart? ‘S that it?”

The truth is, you do, you always have. It was never a requirement, of course, as the guys you’d been with before Joel all had varying body types. But you’d be lying to yourself if you said that your eyes didn’t linger just a bit longer on guys with a little more to them, with wider arms and thicker legs and a softer middle. You’ve never admitted your preference to anyone before, and Joel calling you out on it now has your face running hot, skin feeling prickly as he sees through you like you’re made of glass.

“I-I don’t– I mean, I do, kinda, but not like that… Well, it is like that, I just mean–” You stumble over yourself, fearing you’ve revealed too much, wishing you could rewind the conversation and just tell him it was nice to see him again, plain and simple.

Joel lays the fire poker down on the granite ledge of the fireplace, approaching where you’re sitting and cupping the side of your face with his calloused hand. 

“Sh, sh, stop, baby. ‘S alright if you do, nothin’ to be ashamed of,” he comforts, and it takes all the willpower you have left not to let your eyes drift down to his stomach, so close you could kiss it, if he’d let you.

“It’s just… I missed you. I thought about you all the time, wondered what ever happened to you after you left. Didn’t even know if you were alive until today. I’m just happy to see you… doing so well. To see that you’re healthy, and everything.” You swallow hard, hoping you sound convincing enough that he’ll let this go, forget all about your little admission just now. But of course, Joel is as stubborn as he’s ever been, and he doesn’t plan on releasing you from his trap now that you’re ensnared in it. 

“That’s sweet, baby, ‘s real sweet,” Joel says, softly, stroking his thumb across your cheekbone as he speaks. “Thought about you too, all this time. Practically every day…” He rakes his eyes over you, noticing the way his touch has you starting to melt already, how you’re looking up at him with your wide, needy eyes. “Why don’t you show me just how much you missed me, hm? How much you love seein’ me healthy, as you put it.”

You’re stunned into silence once again, jaw slack and pupils wide as you search his gaze for proof that he’s just messing with you, making fun of you just to watch you squirm. But you don’t find any.

“O-okay,” you agree in a half-whisper.

Joel smiles down at you, satisfied. “All these years later, still just the sweetest thing, ain’t you? You still just as obedient, too?”

You nod without even thinking, words catching up with your instinctual response a second later. “Mhm, yeah, I am…” You had forgotten how easy it is to submit to him, how good it feels to let the hypnotizing tone of his voice carry you somewhere far away from yourself, when you need it the most. Whether it was after a shitty day of working for shittier rations in the QZ, or after a harsh trek in harsher weather to a forested oasis, Joel always knows how to make you feel like submission is your most natural state. 

“Good… Kneel for me please, sweetheart,” he commands, and you obey immediately, his hand slipping from your face as you slide from the couch onto the woven carpet beneath you. Like second nature, your hands automatically fold themselves on your lap, remembering how you were never to touch Joel until he permitted you to. He takes note of this, and praises you accordingly. “Look at that, didn’t even have to ask. Such a good girl.”

He’s so enamored with you, he almost forgets where he was going with this until he watches your eyes flash to the growing bulge in his jeans, then back up to him. “Not tonight, sweetheart. Was thinkin’ you could put that pretty mouth to use on somethin’ different this time, hm?”

You knit your brows together, not sure what he means, but he doesn’t let you wonder for long. Slowly, he starts to unbutton his flannel shirt, starting at the top and working his way down. He tosses it onto the ground, then pulls his undershirt off over his head, adding it to the other discarded clothing. Without the confines of his slightly-too-tight button-up, you can see how much he really has filled out. Everything about his upper body is just a little more plush, with petal pink stretch marks adorning the soft skin in various places. You want to make it your personal mission to kiss each and every one of them, commit their exact coordinates on his body to memory.

There's a deep scar, you notice, to the left of his belly button, that has almost successfully disguised itself as one of those pretty marks. It’s definitely new since you saw him last, and it looks like it hurt, especially with the evidence of how crudely it had been stitched back together.

“What happened?” you wonder aloud, worried eyes glued to the healed injury.

He has to peer over the curve of his belly to see what you’re looking at. “Long story. Happened on my way out here, after I left Boston. Nothin’ for you to worry about, sweet girl, hardly even hurt. Forget it’s even there, most of the time,” he answers, still with a dominant edge to his voice that does a mostly good job of convincing you it’s the truth.

“Can… Can I?” you ask, waiting to receive his permission before you move your hands from your lap. 

“Yeah, baby, go ahead,” Joel allows. 

You reach out a small hand to gently trace over the raised scar, then press your lips to it with your hands splayed out on either side of your head, just barely pressing into his belly. He releases a soft groan, cradling the back of your head with one of his hands, applying the lightest amount of pressure to let you know this is where he wants to keep you. 

“Why don’t you keep goin’, sweetheart? Gimme some more lovin’ like that, know you wanna,” he encourages, and you think you get the idea now, what it is he wanted to put your pretty mouth to use for.

With his explicit permission to continue, you don’t need telling twice. You move your face to hover just in front of his belly button, admiring the dense salt and pepper happy trail that sprouts from where his jeans push into his soft skin. You drag your tongue along the hair, nipping at the soft curve of where it disappears into the divot in his stomach. He makes a noise in response, half pained and half pleasured, but he doesn’t stop you. Just for good measure, you place a kiss to the little blushing mark where your teeth had scraped him.

Almost of their own volition, it seems, your hands begin to knead at his stomach as you make good on your promise to yourself to kiss every single one of his stretch marks. You allow your tongue to dart from your mouth on the last one, and Joel sucks in a breath.

“Oh, fuck. Forgot how good that wet lil’ mouth feels on me, sweetheart. Keep goin’,” he says, voice coming out strained. His fingers curl tightly into your hair, and he begins to maneuver your face around his belly. You lave your tongue over his skin as he does, slicking him with wet, sloppy kisses. “Yeah, baby, you fuckin’ worship it, show me how much you like me like this.”

It’s a little humiliating, but just enough that you like the feeling. You’re breathing hard and fast, letting out little whimpers as your fluttering cunt begins to soak your underwear. He brings your face to a stop at the most tantalizing part of him, the part that truly evidences how much more he’s allowed himself to indulge since settling in Jackson. The ample curve of flesh that just barely conceals the waistband of his jeans, the part you’ve wanted to get your mouth on since you first saw how it strained the lower buttons of his shirt. You latch onto it, massaging the skin around it as you use your teeth and tongue to suck a mark into him.

A growl rumbles from deep in his chest, and he curses under his breath. “Like it that much, huh? Fuck, naughty thing, look at you.”

You’re so fucking turned on, you’re shivering, rocking where you kneel and squeezing your thighs together in an attempt to get some kind of relief. You let one of your hands drift to the hard shape in Joel’s jeans, and it seems he’s enjoying this as much as you are. He spots your pathetic little squirms as you rut against nothing, and then he’s using his grip on your hair to pull you up from the floor.

“Got an idea. Up,” he commands roughly, and you detach your lips from his belly to obey his order. “Get these off, there we go.” He pulls down your sweatpants and underwear, helping you step out of them. “Christ, you’re soaked,” Joel teases, eyeing the sizable wet spot in your panties as he tosses them aside to join the other forgotten clothing. He reaches a hand toward the apex of your thighs, teasing your wet pussy and gathering some of your slick on two of his fingers. You let out a tiny yelp, but let him play with you, and then he’s bringing his fingers in front of his face and examining the sticky strings of your arousal when he spreads them apart. “All this just from lettin’ you worship all this, huh?” he taunts, patting his stomach once for emphasis. “Who’d’ve thought? Not that I’m complainin’...”

He quickly rids himself of his jeans and briefs, then reclines onto the couch with a quiet groan, stretching out his body along the length of it. Your mouth waters at the sight of his cock, hard and leaking as it bobs against his belly, his precum adding to the dampness still there from your tongue. “Come sit, sweetheart,” Joel says, softly, motioning with both of his hands for you to come closer.

You grip a hand onto the backrest of the couch to balance yourself while you move to straddle him, prepared to sink down onto his length for the first time in way too fucking long. “Uh uh, not there, baby,” he instructs, smirking when he sees how you hesitate in confusion. “Take a seat right here for me.” Again, he pats that most tempting area of his lower belly, and you just about fall apart at the sight of how his flesh ripples in the wake of it.

“Yeah, there you go, good girl,” he praises, both hands gripping your waist as he helps you settle your weight onto his soft abdomen.

“I dunno, don’t wanna hurt you–” you start, but he cuts you off swiftly.

“You won’t, baby. I’m a big man, ain’t I?” he teases, flashing you a devilish and knowing smile. “Go on, sweetheart, ride it.”

You inhale a shuddering breath, then place both of your hands on his shoulders to hold yourself up. You start an experimental buck into his belly, and that trail of dark hair tickles your clit so perfectly. It takes a few tries for you to get the positioning and pressure just right, and then you’re truly riding him, using his full stomach to get yourself off while he watches. 

“God, that’s good. Use it, baby. You love me bigger, love that I’ve been eatin’ so good, prove it to me, c’mon,” Joel goads, and it spurs you on to grind against him harder, faster, as incoherent mumbles and curses tumble from your lips.

“Love it, Joel, you look so good, fuck. So fucking–mmh–so big, makes me so… so–”

“I know it does, sweet girl, I know. Makes you fuckin’ soaked is what it does, god damn. You gonna get my belly all messy, hm? Gonna rub your lil’ cunt all over it, get me all fuckin’ wet?”

“Uh huh, yeah, gonna… I’m gonna–” you whine, eyes shutting tight as your hips pick up their pace. You move your hands from his shoulders to place them on his stomach instead, grabbing at handfuls of his tummy in an effort to create something more solid to rub yourself against. 

You’re already embarrassingly close, the humiliating edge to your earlier worship having gotten you most of the way there on its own. So swollen and sensitive it almost hurts, you won’t need much more to reach your high.

“Not without me, you ain’t. Gonna be right there with ya. You remember how we used to do it?” Joel asks, as if you could ever forget. He’s referring to your many late nights, early mornings, in his bed or in a back alley or wherever in the QZ, where he liked to make sure you both finished at the same time. You’d always be the first one to reach the edge, because he’d focus all his attention on getting you there before him, just to make you wait. It was never something punishing, just something he liked to do as an extra bit of control and dominance, and he knew it always made your orgasms that much more powerful and satisfying when he would finally permit you to let go.

With your eyes closed, so focused on your own pleasure, you hadn’t noticed that he had reached behind you to start fisting his cock some time ago. But you can hear it now, the wet schlick of his hand moving up and down his shaft as he works himself. “Hold it for me, sweetheart, I know you can. Keep rubbin’ your pretty pussy against me, jus’ like that, almost there…”

You mewl, screwing your face up as you force yourself to slow down your thrusts, muscles tense as you try to keep your orgasm at bay for as long as you can. 

Thankfully, he must be worked up enough from seeing you fall apart for him so easily for the first time in so long, that his permission comes just a few minutes later.

“Come for me, babygirl, soak my fuckin’ belly, c’mon,” Joel growls, and you fall forward immediately, twitching and spasming and crying out into the soft muscle of his shoulder as you ride out the shuddering shocks of your orgasm. He groans next to your ear as he comes, and you can feel the warm ropes of his own release as some of them land on your lower back. You’re both wet, heaving messes, as you embrace each other for the second time today and work on catching your breath.

So exhausted from the day you had, you must’ve fallen asleep against his chest as you laid there, because then you’re being woken up by the dull scratch of his fingertips against your scalp and his familiar voice working its way through the thick fog that clouds your tired brain. 

“You alright, baby?” he asks, and you can hear that he’s smiling, amused at this sleepy little thing he’s got clinging to him.

“Mhm, jus’ tired,” you answer, a barely-there mumble of a sentence.

“I’ll bet… You wanna get cleaned up? Get all tucked into bed?”

You shake your head against his neck, and he chuckles.

“No? Whatcha wanna do then, hm?”

“Jus’ lay here. Missed you. Don’t wanna let… go…” 

Your sentence drifts off into silence before the temptation of sleep allows you to finish it, but Joel gets the idea. He smiles to himself, kissing the top of your head, and hugs you closer. Both of you are still sticky and damp, but satisfied. And together again. And that’s a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

So he agrees, and you stay like that for the rest of the night. Joel doesn’t worry about whether or not he remembered to set his alarm clock for his extra patrol shift the next morning, or if he’ll even hear it all the way from his bedroom upstairs, because it doesn’t matter anyway. He has you, and you made it very clear tonight just how much you like him exactly the way he is. 

Maybe, your rose garden can finally begin to bloom, now that the pair of you have somewhere safe and comfortable and healthy to try your hand at nurturing it again.

tag list: @beefrobeefcal @iamasaddie @rebel-held @dilfgestivo @zliteraturehoe @joeldjarin @kamcrazy123 @hellowoolf @rexamongthestars @stevie75 @luxurychristmaspudding @noisynightmarepoetry @mewantpeepaw @pedritoferg (if your name is crossed out, it won’t let me tag you!!)

[griancraft]

Hi guys, this is sort of my official "please, for the love of god, listen to Skyjacks with me” post because I’m losing my mind and all the content I can find is from the latest stuff right now, and I don’t want to spoil myself. I want to be able to talk about this with people!!!! I will make a watch (listen) party discord if there is enough interest. Just give it a chance; you won’t regret it. Also, some information may be wrong or outdated. I’m on episode 11 out of over 200.

Skyjacks is a ttrpg podcast about sky pirates in a world where there was a catastrophe about 200 years ago that left the sea unsafe to sail and maybe even damaged the entire world to the point where civilization is scattered and in small groups. There is very casual queer rep, and it’s casual to the point where it really just fits into the world perfectly.

A brief summary of the premise of the first episode will hopefully get you hooked. I’m really bad at summaries, but I promise it’s a billion times better than how I talked about it here:

Captain Orimar Vale is dead, and a mutiny will be on Gable, Jonnit, Travis, and Dref’s hands if they are unable to keep up the ruse of him being alive. To do this, necromancy (deeply forbidden magic) is performed by the Dref, the ship's doctor, to turn him into a semi-functional zombie. Captain Orimar is famous for his abilities as a captain; to replicate this will take great skill.

As they run out of supplies, they make a desperate decision: port on the land of one of Orimar’s scorned lovers or deal with the growing uneasiness of the rest of the crew. They haven’t seen their captain healthy in months, and whispers about his health are starting. However, greater danger will await them when they take to the skies again, lurking just beyond the clouds…

And more propaganda as to why I think you guys will like it:

There are unique and interesting gameplay mechanics they use to tell a really cool story, and if you like Hermitcraft or any other sorta storytelling-based SMP, I promise you’ll like it. Like. If you liked Boatem from Hermitcraft 8, you’ll love the characters in Skyjacks. The players are exceptionally good at playing their characters, their humour is unmatched by anything similar I’ve had the pleasure of seeing, and the story is prioritized, which I think is an amazing choice.

Best part? It’s still ongoing after, like, 5 years. Some people have left, but a good chunk of the OG cast has stayed. Not that leaving is bad, because holy crap, 5 years is a long time, and stories have to end at some point! It’s a good way of getting into something and knowing there is still a shit ton of content to be explored.

The music is good. The story is good. The characters and humour are amazing. The lore of the world is sprinkled throughout, and as you learn more about the world, the more excited you get. It’s incredible so far, and if you decide to listen to it, I will actually love you forever and ever. My boyfriend is on episode 190, and he finds it so funny every time I go. Oh my god, this is so cool.

Link to the podcast, but in a playlist (up to 180). So it’s in order and easy to find, since it’s a part of something else from the oneshot network:

[gaysindistress]

Running from the Daylight - two

pairings: pirate!James “The Scourge of the Sea” Barnes x royal governor's daughter!reader 

Summary: based on this request

Warnings: reader uses She/her/hers pronouns and is AFAB, mentions of the female body/parts, cursing, suggestive sexual content, violence and mentions of death, sexual content (p in v), some dark shit (like I can’t tag it without spoiling it but people get freaky over someone who’s bleeding) I'm actually awful at tagging things but there's smut. for the love of all things holy, do not read if you are a minor.

Word count: 3.6k

part one | my master list

Tag list: @talesofreading

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif, found on google/Pinterest/tumblr. Credits to @boltlightning for the gif on the bottom left & @owenhcrper for the gif on the bottom right

Begging, pleading, and sucking him dry did nothing to convince James that I’ve been ready to take his cock since that first night.

He would be a monster and allow me to believe that he would finally take me only to stop right before it went too far. He would give me hollow reasons like “the sea is too rough,” “you are too tired,” “we don’t have a proper bed and I will not take your maiden hood without one.”

Useless excuse after useless excuse was all I received for months on end. A part of me wondered if he was growing bored but when I confessed this to him, he spent the following several hours between my legs. He lapped and sucked at my core until I was crying and shaking but kept pulling climaxes from me until I very nearly passed out.

I tried to tempt him by wearing thin nightdresses or simply nothing at all but it all failed. I even convinced Natasha to play along with a scheme in which James would just so happen to find us in the middle of fucking but nothing. All he did was sit in his captain’s chair and watch with sharp eyes, occasionally telling us what to do.

Months of pent up frustration finally came to head when we docked in New Providence to replenish our supplies. My father had been overjoyed to see me again but his happy mood was as soiled when he observed the way that James and I were.

“My darling please tell me that he has not ruined you,” my father harshly whispers to me as he pulls me aside.

I gasp in disbelief and rip my arm away from him.

“Excuse me! You are not allowed to ask me such a thing!”

“I am your father, Y/N Stark. It is well within my rights to know if my daughter has been abused by a pirate.”

I catch the watchful eye of James as he’s instructing his crew and he gives me a concerned look. I brush it off and look back to my father.

“Your daughter has not been abused,” I sneer as I spot the Commodore approaching us, “I’ve been kept safe and protected.”

Steve makes a face at my words as he stops beside us but my father seems satisfied. He backs away and nods goodbye to us before retreating back to his fortress.

“You may speak freely with me; has the pirate lord abused you?”

“The only abuse to be had is that what my throat endures from taking his cock every night,” I calmly state before also leaving to find my captain. I don’t wait to hear or see Steve’s reaction but I can feel his piercing stare on my back.

“You said you wouldn’t fuck me until we had a proper bed,” I say lowly as I drop myself onto the canopied bed behind me, “and I think this meets that requirement.”

James narrows his bright eyes at me but doesn’t move from his place leaning against the raging fireplace. It’s odd seeing him look…normal? He’s out of place in this world of luxury and refinement but here in the room that I once called my own, he looks like he belongs. A part of me wishes to pretend that our pasts were different and that he had been the man who proposed to me, yearning for me for years. I wish that time had been kind to him and that it hadn’t stolen his heart and soul. I wish that I could’ve been the one he fell in love with all those years ago so he wouldn’t have had to face that curse. I wish we could delight in being together alone in my room at my father’s estate, a situation I would’ve blushed to even think about a few months ago. I wish we could ignore the reality of who we are and wholly engulf ourselves in the opportunity that presents itself.

“I did say that, didn’t I love?” He muses for a moment, allowing his eyes to trail down my barely covered body. I’d found an even thinner and smaller nightdress to wear for tonight, hoping that it might finally be what breaks him.

Maybe my last wish would come true.

He pushes off the mantle and prowls towards me. As he gets closer, my body starts to burn with anticipation and I inch back to accommodate his imposing stature. James knocks my legs apart with his knee and slots between them as he leans over me. Both hands cup my face and my eyes flutter closed at his warm touch. He dips down to whisper in my ear and chuckles when my breath hitches.

“You need sleep my love.”

I let out a snort, “no I do not. What I need is…”

He interrupts me with a gentle peck and mutters against my lips, “I know what you need and that is sleep.”

James presses another kiss to my lips with a subtle roll of his hips into mine while wearing a wicked smirk. I stick my tongue out at him as he pulls away and waits for me to settle into bed. He finds his place in the huge and ugly arm chair that my mother insisted I needed in front of the fireplace. His hat is sat on the small table beside him and his feet are kicked out in front of himself. Crossing his arms over his chest, James settles himself into the chair as if he’s going to sleep there and I frown at him.

“I can feel you thinking, love,” he quips and although I can’t see his face, I know there’s a smirk.

“Is that where you intend to sleep? In my armchair that I know is most certainly the most uncomfortable piece of furniture in this house?”

His shoulder shrugs and he makes a show of making himself comfortable with a loud sigh.

“It’s perfectly comfortable to me, your highness,” the jab at my upbringing doesn’t go unnoticed, not with the way he elongates the word and lowers his voice.

Scoffing, I throw a pillow at him and he chuckles when it flies past, missing him.

“Remind me to work on your aim in the morning,” he teases me before adding that I need to be going to sleep.

“We’re not on your ship anymore so you’re not my captain,” I snipe and that catches his attention. He perks up and goes to say something smart back but the doors fly open, slamming against the poor walls.

James stays seated albeit ready to jump up if needed. Seeing as he’s playing it cool, I do the same and remain tucked into my bed.

The person who dared interrupt our night is none other than the Commodore. He stands at his full height with a scroll in his hand as he glares at James.

“And to what do I owe the pleasure of being granted your presence so late at night, commodore?” James mocks as he watches Steve.

The wigged man says nothing but sends a death glare towards the pirate before looking at me. He takes a step towards me and James makes a clicking noise, telling him to stay put.

“Y/N,” Steve starts as he ignores the subtle warning, “your father has found a way to free you from your deal with this vile creature.”

I glance around him at James who’s smirking to himself and raises one dark brow at me. He’s no longer stretched out like a cat but instead is leaning back against the chair with his head resting on his fist as he watches us.

Turning my attention back to Steve, I ask him to elaborate and elaborate he does.

“You were under duress. You cannot be expected to uphold a deal that you made when you were in fear for your life. Your father and I handled everything, Y/N, all you need to do is say that you were afraid for your life and otherwise would not have made the deal.”

In another life the gut wrenching way that Steve is pleading with me would’ve worked. I would’ve jumped up and ran for him, falling into his arms as I sobbed that I was afraid. I would’ve taken his hand and begged him to save me for the sake of being free from a pirate even if it meant being in debt to him for life.

That is if I hadn’t met James; the man who’s shown my unconditional and undying affection. The man that has sworn to protect me and honor me as if I were his ruling goddess. The man that has seen parts of me that no other man has and the man that I want to know every inch of me, mental and physical.

“Steve, ever the gentleman,” I coo as I push the blankets from my lap and slide off my bed.

“There is but one fault in your proposal,” I state as I softly pad toward the two men, “I was not under duress. I was not afraid for my life by any stretch of the imagination. I was not afraid at all, in fact, I felt the safest I had in years in that moment.”

I can feel the heat of James’ stare on me as I come to stand beside him and continue to tear Steve apart.

“If anything, I was concerned for your life but not afraid. I knew that James would not harm or otherwise act in a way that would scare me. I knew that he would agree to my terms but you,” I point at him and allow my voice to become more harsh, “you were the one I was afraid of. You’ve always been a liability, never quite knowing when you’re going to lash out on those around you. You’ve always freighted me and that night at the bar only solidified my fears that you would cause me harm. Even if my life depended on it, I wouldn’t have agreed to marry you or went back with you that day on the Serpent’s Cry. Quite frankly, Steve, I’m perfectly content being bound to this vile creature.”

James snorts from behind me and wraps an arm around me, tugging me to sit on his lap. Steve is fuming, his face turning red with anger at my lecture and I know he’s plotting both of our demises.

The man beneath me grips my chin and tilts my head down so that he can capture my lips in a heated kiss. My hands fly to tangle into his hair as his tongue swipes at my bottom lip. A moan tumbles from me when the hand gripping my chin slides to cup the back of neck.

“Enough!” Steve’s voice rings out and he storms towards us to rip me away.

The familiar cock of a gun halts him and he frantically looks down to see a readied pistol pointing at him. It had been lying under James’ hat, hidden from plain sight so Steve had no chance to draw his open weapon.

James has the audacity to look bored as he holds the weapon and rubs small circles into my hip with his other hand.

“Out,” he orders in a low rumbling voice.

Steve, however, the oaf of a man takes another step forward and James rolls his eyes.

“Is pain the only way you learn, Commodore? Out before I shoot your cock off.”

Steve scoffs at the crude words and I stifle a giggle while tucking my face into James’ neck. He shudders slightly at the feeling and squeezes my hip.

“Y/N,” Steve tries to appeal to me but I’m not having any of it. I begin to plant wet kisses on James’ neck and nip at the soft skin occasionally. Steve calls to me again and I suck a deep red, nearly purple mark into the pirate’s neck which earns me a throaty groan.

A series of sounds ring out and I jolt away from my haven. First is the sound of Steve stepping forward, a gun shot, a cry of pain, and a thud as Steve falls to the ground. With wide eyes I try to look at him but James catches my face in a tight hold, forcing me to meet his eyes.

“Don't look at him, love. Eyes on me, understood?” He whispers, letting his lips dance over mine and holding my eye contact with a fierce look swirling in his blue eyes.

I manage a small nod and he smiles at me before addressing Steve who’s clutching his leg.

“I warned you and you did not listen. As far as I’m concerned, you are to blame for the state of your leg. Now I suggest you drag your cowardly self out of this room before I do depart your cock from your body as I promised."

Lost in the way his eyes captive me and his words cause a fire to ignite in my body, I don’t hear Steve’s protests that break through the cries of pain. It’s not until James breaks our trance and rolls his eyes that I realize our situation. I still obey James and don’t look by hiding my face in his neck once again. He coos to me to go to my bed and turn away from them as he helps me stand.

“Keep your eyes on the ground for me,” he tells me when my hand slips from his and I cautiously make my way to my bed.

From behind me, I hear James let out an exaggerated sigh and the crackling of leather from him bending down.

“You’ve shot my leg, how am I to be expected to leave?” Steve hisses through the agonizing pain.

“Drag yourself like the worm you are. It's none of my concern how you choose to obey my command."

“I will not leave her alone with such a demonic savage like yourself.”

There’s a pause, a tension filled pause as I assume James debates what to do. However his next words are not exactly what I was expecting.

“Pain doesn't seem to be a strong enough deterrent for you, Commodore. Remember; you are to blame for your current situation,” he huffs as he yanks Steve up and drops him into the chair we’d been sitting in.

“Love hand me the sheet,” he says to me without looking.

I quickly bundle up the item he’s asking for and toss it to him. I want to ask what he’s planning but it becomes clear when he starts to wrap it around Steve.

“Since you refuse to leave her alone with such a demonic savage, as you put it so beautifully, you’ll have to watch her damnation.”

Steve lets out a roar of protest and it met with a pistol pressed under his jaw.

“You were told to leave and you did not. Seeing her defiled and ravished as she deserves is a fitting punishment. I think this is preferable to death but I am not the true judge. Love?”

The nickname catches me off guard and my eyes dart between them but it’s the stormy eyes of James that are given my full attention.

“What do you think? Should I grant him mercy and kill him before you take my cock? Or should he watch as I take what he's desired for years?"

As I fail to answer, James adds, "I will only do this if this is what you want. If not, I’m more than happy to show him just how acquainted with the devil I am.”

Words escape me and I just nod.

Apparently that’s not good enough.

“Use your words love. Tell us what you want.”

“I…fuck,” I mumble under my breath and James’ smirk spreads across his face. He knows that I want this, that I want nothing more than for him to finally take me even if it means Steve is forced to watch.

“I don’t think the Commodore heard you. Louder.”

“Yes. I want this. I want you. I want you to take me.”

James cocks a brow at Steve with a sinister smirk, “it appears that your pure angel wants me to defile her while you watch.”

The tied up man jerks forward with a threat on his lips and james lets out a terrifying laugh. He ignores the protests and calls me over with the hook of his finger. My body is trembling as I let my feet touch the ground and nearly stumble as I try to walk. Steve must think it’s out of fear but my captain knows it’s due to anticipation.

I stop at his side and James draws away from the injured man to wrap an arm around me. Pulling me in front of him, my back is to his chest and I’m facing Steve. James keeps his gun pointed at him while bending his head to my ear and whispering to me.

“You tell me when you want to stop, understood?“ he tells me in a voice so low I almost don’t hear him. When I don’t acknowledge his statement, he squeezes my hip with his free hand and repeats it.

Breathlessly I agree, “Yes, please James. I need you.”

He nudges my legs apart and drifts his hand from my hip to my core, pulling up my night dress in the process. My head lolls back, falling onto his shoulder and he captures my lips in a searing kiss. Moans and sighs fall without hesitation as he begins to run firm but slow circles into the bundle of nerves that only he can seem to find. His name becomes a chorus that is caught between our lips as the pressure builds within my core. He releases my lips and lets me sing my song for Steve to hear clearly. I feel him smile against my temple as I grow louder and louder. Just as I’m about reach my climax, he pulls his hand away and I nearly cry. A few tears leak from my eyes and he coos sweetly to me.

“Shhhhh love, I promised to defile you and I intend to do that. Lean forward and put your hands on his shoulders.”

“James,” I whimper when I feel him back away.

“Do as you’re told.”

The sounds of his belt and pants dropping silences me. I lean forward and with hazy eyes, look Steve straight on as my hands grip his shoulders. There’s a fire burning in his light eyes and I’ve come to know what it truly is. He can try to deny it but we all know watching me is causing him to grow hard and angry.

“Y/N,” his voice breaks as he whispers my name and I blink hard trying to look at him.

The heavy heat of James behind me distracts me and I drop my head at the feeling of him rutting against me.

He taunts Steve with cruel words as he drags the head of his cock through my folds and pulls wanton moans from my swollen lips.

“James,” I plead, “please.”

He coos mockingly as he lines himself up.

“Louder, my love. I don’t think your fiancé heard you.”

“He’s not my fiancé,” I grit out angrily but it falls flat when he pushes his entire length inside of me. It turns into a wince and pained moan but he doesn’t pull out. He keeps it there, watching me struggle with the pain that morphs into blinding pleasure. Only when I push back against him does he withdraws a few inches but keeps most of his length inside me as he starts to rock his hips into me. He’s slow and deliberate at first, focusing on pulling the loudest and most embarrassing moans he can from me but as his own body betrays him, his hips increase their pace.

Below me Steve is a mess. His breathing is ragged and the color is draining from his face as the blood loss becomes too much. I can’t bare to look at him and James must see that in the way I keep my head bent down. A sharp tug on my hair forces my head up and I see the devastation written lines on his face. The cold barrel on a gun rubs against my scalp and it dawns on me that the hand that’s in my hair is holding the gun. He grunts as he pumps his dick into me and I cry out as pleasure washes over me. He keeps one hand coiled into my hair as the other slips to my core, rubbing me and drawing my climax from me.

James tugs me up against his chest and I tilt my head back to rest against his shoulder as we continue to move against each other. His cock drags against my walls in a nearly painful way but I don't care. I’m pulsing around him and pleading with him to let go with me. As my eyes flutter shut from the white hot pleasure, he tugs my hair again and demands I look at Steve.

“Look at the Commodore, love. Look at what just watching you does to him,” he mumbles against the skin of my neck. My eyes are heavy and it’s a struggle to do as I’m told but I do and it earns me my climax.

James thrusts up hard one final time and we’re both moaning as I finish. He’s not far behind and groans out my name as he releases his hot seed into me. We’re a panting mess as he slows and eventually stops. He loosens his grip on my hair with a sweet kiss to my temple and whispers praise into my ear.

Intertwined in those sweet phrases is a promise and at first I think it’s for me. Only when the second shot of the night rings out do I realize that it was intended for Steve.

“I hope for your sake that your false god takes pity on you and allows you to die before morning.”

With that he tucks himself back into his pants and lifts me into his arms. My final memory of commodore will be blurred in pleasure and blood but I don’t care. He can bleed out for all I care after he dared to lay a hand on me and insult the man I love.

[spookitordukeit]

Guys I am so very very insane.

I have so many ideas for so many stories running laps in my silly little brain over and over and the moment I start writing one idea, another two pop up beside it. Oh I am so ill. So feral. I am unwell. I need to write them down. NOW.

Okay-

1) I’ll put this one up first since it’s almost mermay, but I’ve had this idea for months.

Silly little MC gets pressured to go on a fun little boating trip by friends. (Bad friends) Unfortunately, MC has ✨thalassophobia✨ stuff happens and ‘friends’ decide it would be so ha ha funny to push MC off the boat as a little prank. News flash. MC has always been scared of water. Mc never learned how to swim.

Yada yada, Mc panics, starts to drown, hears clicking or something and is suddenly back on the boat gasping for breath. Orca Sans is not happy to have humans drowning in his waters. He is also not happy to have ‘friends’ polluting his waters with their trash. He had been following them because they kept throwing their shit overboard and then they threw over a while ass human. The man’s is not happyTM.

Anyway, she ends up passed out and her friends take her home, she wakes up the nest day thinking it was all just a weird dream, especially since no one but her seems to remember it, they said she passed out from the heat. After all, Monsters had emerged from the mountain a few years ago, she probably was just having funky fever dreams.

…On a whim, she goes to the dock closest to where her friends had their boat. Even if it was just a dream, the worst that can happen is she ends up looking silly.

Nothing happens and she ends up staring up at the moon, listening to the water hitting gently under the dock. It’s dark enough where she can pretend the water isn’t water and is just the night sky under her feet. She recalls a vague song, but it’s blurry she doesn’t remember where she heard it. There’s no words to it, just musical notes. On a silly whim, she sings in the quiet darkness.

It’s only when she finishes that she opens her eyes, finding two white eyelight staring back at her.

Thinking of calling it Learning Your Song.

2) I really really love the anti-harem concept, especially like There’s Still Magic by RosesCry and I’d love to write one myself! I have the idea of a whole verse for this one- I’d call is NexusTale or NexusHub and It’d be this one huge nexus where all the aus emerge from their mountains. I’m thinking it will be the first original verse lord wise. And other verses just continuously show up, many of them leave to go create their own Home AUs once their free, but may also stay.

MC has a… troubled home life to say the least. I can’t say much about this without spoiling it, but her and her sister live together, MC owns the house but she may as well be a freeloader with the way her sister and the skeles act. Oh yeah- did I mention MC’s sister invited a whole gaggle of skeletons to come live with them without asking MC?

It’s not like she could say no— they’re all newly emerged from the underground and don’t have a place to call their own, her and her Kindness couldn’t just leave them to the wolves… I Have Many Ideas For This One— I think I’d call it Shades Of Green or something.

3) okay so hear me out- Blue joins the Bad Sanses but with horrendous ✨trauma✨ Blue is with the Stars, and he does his best! He really does! But even his best isn’t enough most times. And people need him— people will die and suffer needlessly if he rests for even just one moment— so he must keep going! Dream is always there to give him a searing hot boost of energy whenever he’s falling behind. And who is he to complain if it makes his marrow feel like it’s boiling him from the inside out? If it feels like his soul is filled with churning, molten lava? If all he can think of is fight fight fight— anything to get rid of this feeling.

Why does Killer keep asking him weird questions? What does he mean he thought Blue would be too out of commission from mourning to fight?

…When was the last time he saw his brother…?

I’m thinking of calling it, When Dreams Turn To Nightmares. I also want to up the anti by having Nightmare somehow be able to transfer a little bit of his power to the boys?? Making them like demi gods??? Idk I’ll figure it out

4) okay okay— UnderFell soulmate Au where the first words your soulmate says are somewhere on your skin. I know I know, it’s been done many time but LISTEN- Monsters emerged from the mountain like five years ago and very quickly took over, humans are lower class and the world over all is pretty sucky. MC lives in a shitty run down apartment and works a shitty job. She has two marks, one on each of her wrists like shackles.

She’s working at her job at the gas station one day, tired, hungry and ready to go home when the captain of the royal gaurd and the freaking judge walks in. She’s panicking because two of the most powerful and dangerous Monsters are within killing distance of her, as she should. She does her best not to make eye contact with either of them as they loudly walk through the aisles, but, inevitably, The Judge comes over to the checkout and she can’t ignore him— no one ignores the judge.

Red says something probably along the lines of “what? cat got yer tongue?” And MC freezes mid scan of an item, the words on her left wrist burning against her skin for a brief moment.

She looks at him with utter horror and Edge walks, excuse me— stomps over with some snappy demand like “WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG, HUMAN? WERE VERY BUSY!”

And then the words on her right wrist start burning and all she can do is mutter out “This can’t be happening.”

Both the boys freeze for a long moment and MC flees out the back door.

I’m definitely calling this one Shackled By You Words, Collared By Your Love. Because yeah it’s UnderFell, there’s collars lol. MC has one that she wears that she fills with her own Intent to keep Monsters away. Not that it works very well.

5) I reeeeeaaaallly want to do a dark fic 😔 I think writing a Yandere Edge would be really interesting. Not in a ‘I’ll kill anyone who looks at you’ but more in a ‘I’ll steal you from the forest and take you home where you will never leave because I only I can keep you safe and you will never want to leave.’ Kinda way.

So MC is a skeleton creature of some sort, not sure which yet. She lives in the forest alone, without a pack. Her pack was… lost. They had been taken from their homes once, and she got free. But now she is alone, and has been for many years.

She had her den and she protects the forests creatures from hunters, many of which do not leave alive. One day she catches a familiar scent, and with her soul racing and the inside of her skull screaming that she’s found them! They came back! They escaped! Family! Pack! Pack! Pack! She races through the trees and follows the scent, skidding into a clearing with an elated yell of welcome, only to stop short and have the words die in her throat.

The monster that stands shocked in the clawing is not her pack.

Fear, grief and rage well up in her soul and instead of running the monster out or killing him for trespassing in her forest, she runs. She runs all the way back to her den and burrows herself into the deepest parts of her nest while her soul tries it’s best to tear itself apart. The brief hope that had surged in her soul leaves her more broken then she was before, her kind is not meant for isolation. She so horribly, painfully alone…

She doesn’t leave her den for days, creatures of the forest bring her food and water, and stare worriedly at her until she accepts them, wolves bring her fresh kills and rabbits snuggle into her sides. The forest is worried, and yet she can not bring herself to move. She is alone.

Prey animals scatter and Predators growl in warning when a figure emerges from the trees. MC looks up in shock and fear as the monster from before pauses in the little clearing of her home. Anger quickly stomps out her fear as the monster is surrounded, she pulls herself from her den and growls at the intruder who dares to invade her home.

The Skelton monster does not look worried for his well being despite the wolves, bears and even a great moose surround him. The forest hisses with anger.

Somehow it deescalates and Edge ends up coming to the forest quite frequently. He is observant and quiet but he’s kind and sh is so very alone. She attaches to him quickly, missing him when he’s gone and chattering endlessly the moment he’s there. She shows him her den, shows him her nest, shows him the wonders of her forest and tells him of her darkest memories.

Memories of white labs and cold voices and the whines of her pack from behind separated walls. Memories of escaping along with another, but losing sight of him along the way. (Sometimes she thinks she can smell him on Edge… but that’s just her head playing tricks on her.)

…When she wakes up from a nap that leaves her groggier then normal, she’s a little disoriented. But not for long. The place she finds herself is unfamiliar, but Edge is not.

She can’t do anything but stare at the monster in front of her in silent horror, a cold pit in her stomach as her shaking hands grip onto the collar around her neck.

Idk what if call this tbh.

Sigghhhhhhhhh. So yeah, that’s all my ideas so far. Any of them strike your fancy?? Lemme know! I’ve already got five fics going, what’s five more?!

*sobbing*

[colourstreakgryffin]

Angst ObaMitsu Scenario

*HOLY SHIT. THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS. THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS. ALL ANIMES-ONLY OR NON-COMPLETE MANGAS! PLEASE CLICK AWAY OR YOU’LL BE SPOILED*

Anyway. Re-read the ObaMitsu’s death panels and thought to myself. What would it be like if only one died, instead of both; So here is this very depressing scenario(s) I made up at 2am. I’m sorry, ObaMitsu fans.

Probably not the best thing to write as the first ObaMitsu post but whatever

Needed Warnings; mention of depression, mention of obsession, mention of seppkuku, mention of death, mention of mental health problems

If only Mitsuri died

Obanai woke up almost two months ago and is recovering finely

But Mitsuri hasn’t. She still hasn’t woken up

Obanai sticks by her bed everyday. Just hoping that she’ll spring back up any minute

He forgets to look after himself. He can’t continue whilst knowing Mitsuri is still so vulnerable and hurt

Giyuu has to drag him out of the room and pin him down so the girls can check up on her

It doesn’t work. Obanai breaks in and pushes Aoi off Mitsuri as she attempts to put a blanket over her. He is a complete mess but he needs to know what’s going on

Aoi sighs weakly. “I… I’m so sorry, Iguro-san. Kanroji-san… has passed away…”

Passed away? No. No. No. She must be joking

“We believe she did last night” “No… she can’t be… you have to be wrong!” Aoi only lowers her head

Obanai breaks down into a hysterical anger-mixed-sorrow fit. He refuses to believe Aoi is right but deep down, knows she is

Why did he have to survive and not Mitsuri? Why does he always end up escaping death when he deserves it?

Why couldn’t have he been the one who died?!

Giyuu, Sanemi and Tanjiro have to drag Obanai out, once again but this time, kicking and screaming

Eventually. Obanai cries

And he cries his heart out. The first time he has ever experienced such emotion

He gave everything he had to Mitsuri. And now, she won’t be on this earth to enjoy life with him

What’s the point of living anymore? He couldn’t stop the death of a person he loves so dearly

There is only two reasons Obanai won’t commit seppuku. One, Kaburamaru is far too important to him and two, Mitsuri always tells him to push forward

Every night. His dreams only consist of Mitsuri. Meeting him in the beautiful Sakura tree pathway they promised to find each other again in and pushing forward that he doesn’t take his life

“Wait! Obanai! Don’t do that to yourself! Stay alive. Please. I need you to! I— …I hate this too but do it for me. Won’t you?”

Obanai returns to the Serpent Estate broken in all forms for good. Sure, life is now much safer with the eradicating of demons but it isn’t colourful without Mitsuri

His world is monochrome. His eyes are basically dead, his voice is dark and lifeless. He is depressed

Obanai takes Mitsuri’s belongings. Every single thing she owned. Her katana, her uniform, her favourite hairclips, the keys to her estate, her cats. The Love Estate will end up empty

He protects her belongings like his life depends on it

Obanai looks after Mitsuri’s cats as intently as he looks after Kaburamaru

Obanai makes Sakura Mochi in his spare time. He never liked it but for Mitsuri, he started pushing himself to liking it

Obanai visits Mitsuri’s grave daily to sit in front of it and eat the Mochi he made

He pretends Mitsuri is talking to him. He nods and responds to nothing. He claims he can hear her talking

Whilst he can’t see anymore, no thanks to the irreversible damage of his eyes, he sees Mitsuri all the time

He is growing mentally unwell, the more he keeps up this routine. He is getting a bit obsessed with keeping Mitsuri in his life

He snatched Mitsuri’s fixed haori from Aoi and wears it over his shoulders all the time

He likes to pretend that Mitsuri married him. So, he sometimes calls the imaginary Mitsuri he talks to “my wife”

Obanai is more aggressive and sour after Mitsuri’s death. He can’t see himself making connections ever again. He is barely hanging on

He’ll live the rest of his broken life completely alone. No new love or no new friend. Just him, Kaburamaru and Mitsuri’s grave

No woman can match Mitsuri. They’re all pathetic, he can’t stand another woman after he lost the woman of his dreams

If only Obanai could sense the way Mitsuri cuddles his side. Her spirit, clings to him everytime he sits at her grave

Obanai always leaves beautiful rose bouquets and bowls of Mitsuri’s favourite ramen at her grave. Their always gone when he returns the next day

Obanai truly isn’t alone. Mitsuri is always following him around and pressing kisses on his forehead every night

Obanai, truthfully, is trapped inbetween fantasy and reality. Inbetween acknowledging that Mitsuri has crossed the rainbow bridge but yet refusing to admit in favour of pretending Mitsuri is still alive

Obanai treasures all the letters Mitsuri wrote about him. Sure, he can’t read them on his own anymore(Kaburamaru reads them for him) and he ends up crying and crumbling onto the floor

All he wants is Mitsuri back

If only Obanai died

Mitsuri wakes up in a hospital bed. She survived? But. What about Obanai?

Obanai… he isn’t in the room with her. Where is he?

She desperately climbs her way out of bed and clings onto the walls to walk through the hallway. She is in so much pain but she needs to see him

Busting into the other hospital room, Mitsuri is shocked by the sight before her

The Butterfly Assistants and Aoi are surrounding Obanai, putting a blanket over his resting body

“No! Wait! Stop! What are you doing?!” Mitsuri stumbles over when running to the bed and her head bumps against Obanai’s shoulder

Her heart almost stops and her eyes widened in fear

His bare skin is cold. He didn’t make any noise nor move

“I’m… so sorry, Kanroji-san… Iguro-san has… has passed away… we believe he passed away last night…” Aoi remarks gently

Mitsuri cries instantly and screams. She can’t hold back as she grabs onto Obanai’s arms and shakes him

She doesn’t want to believe he’s dead. He must be alive! He has to be!

Mitsuri shakes him until she has to stop, out of the extreme pain. Her heart shatters into pieces as she crumbles onto the floor and cries hysterically. She cries out his name, begging for the heavens to bring him back to her

The man of her dreams… has left her for good

Mitsuri never gets over this. Never. No matter how old she gets

She becomes semi-lifeless. Her smile is no longer genuine. Her eyes are almost grey. She becomes depressed

Obanai kept her smiling. Mitsuri doesn’t see any reason to pretend to be happy. She doesn’t care about her missing arm, she doesn’t care about the other Hashira

All she cares about is how she lost Obanai

Mitsuri eventually found and swiped Obanai’s repaired haori from Aoi and brought it with her to her hospital bed

She sleeps with it

And when she is released from the Butterfly Estate and returns to her Estate. She takes care of it like it has her beating heart in it

Mitsuri wears Obanai’s haori everywhere and every second of every day. Mitsuri never takes off Obanai’s haori for longer than changing. She’ll die wearing it

Mitsuri got Kaburamaru. She may struggle with separating Kaburamaru from Obanai but she still loves the serpent and keeps him with her as much as possible

Mitsuri visits Obanai’s grave everyday. She eats in front of it, she talks to it

She likes to pretend that she is still talking to Obanai. It’s her coping mechanism

Breaking her illusion will make her break down so don’t. Let her get it out of her system

It is so unhealthy but Mitsuri can’t bring herself to let Obanai go. She needs to feed her fantasies to keep herself from slipping further into depression

Mitsuri, however, is unaware of how Obanai is still with her. In spirit, laying his head on her shoulder as she forces out a laugh at her own joke

Mitsuri will definitely live the rest of her damaged life with no new love. Not a single man in Japan can compare to Obanai

She considers seppuku. At one point, she just wants to be in heaven with him. But Obanai talks her out of it

“Mitsuri! Put that down! Don’t hurt yourself! It’s not worth it! I know, I know you’re in pain. Please, stay alive… for me”

Can’t say Mitsuri becomes obsessed with Obanai after his death but she keeps basically all of his belongings and protects them with everything she has. His katana, his uniform, the keys to his estate, all trinkets of Kaburamaru’s, his favourite kimonos

Mitsuri even changes her last name to Iguro. It’s her way of dedicating herself to her one true love

Living in a fantasy where she married Obanai, despite the fact he is now above in heaven. Forced to wait for Mitsuri to come to him

But everybody can clearly see that Mitsuri’s sanity is chipping. She is losing herself in her depression, her grief, her regret

She is stuck between her fantasy and reality. She speaks outloud to Obanai’s grave when she is with it like it’s a person, but when literally anywhere else, she is relatively normal

Mitsuri still cries as hard when she reads the long letter Obanai wrote for her before he died. His battlefield confession replaying in her head as she keeps reading the most important parts. The parts that cements his love for her

All she wants is Obanai back

Changed the pic cause it was annoying

Well. Fuck. This is very depressing, Jesus and #firsteverpostpostedwithoutsavingittodraftfirst

[beanghostprincess]

when did you start watching the anime (also how/why)

and how many episodes do you watch per day to go that fast??? (im asking because im genuinely impressed)

It's a funny story, I think-

Basically, I was hanging out months ago (like, the start of this year?? End of last year?? I think??) with my brother and his friend at his friend's house and they were like "Oh! What if we watch One Piece? The first episode, cmon, Robin!" and I was like: "Fuck, no. Shit's too long. Not watching all that. I'm sure it's cool and you two love it but I'm sooo not getting into this". But then they wouldn't stop insisting and the show started playing out of nowhere and, like, I just wanted to eat my salad so I guess I just didn't care if they made me watch a few episodes. The salad was really good, btw.

Anyway: I watched the first two episodes and I kind of?? Fell in love?? With everything about it??? Luffy was so charming and early OP is amazingly beautiful in all the ways. I kind of miss the energy, honestly, sometimes. But I loved it. I laughed. And I was like "Oh, okay. This is good. I'm probably not watching the rest because there are a lot of episodes but, like, cool show, guys!"

Spoiler: I did watch the rest.

But I didn't watch more until February. I was on my period and when I'm on my period I get really, really sick and I feel like shit in general. And I wanted to watch something to distract myself from that torture. So I asked my brother where he watched the show in Catalan (here in Spain/Catalonia it's also dubbed in Catalan and let me tell you, it's one of the best dubs I've seen. It's SO good) and I started watching it for real then.

The thing is, I was really, really slow watching the show because I was studying at the time and I could only watch at night sometimes and in between classes or whenever the teacher wasn't in class (or, you know, I just did it without the teachers noticing. The hyperfixation was growing). Besides, I started talking to my brother's friend more and more and more (now he's kind of like my best friend??? What the fuck lmao) and I literally told him every fucking thing that happened so, yeah, I wasn't quick watching the anime at the time. I would've probably caught up by now if it wasn't because I didn't have much time to watch it then.

Then I started Arabasta, and ever since, me and my friend have been watching the show together on Discord (I started watching it in Japanese and subbed, then). We watch the show every single night (except when we're busy, but it doesn't happen often) and we usually watch, like, 6-10 episodes every day. That's the average amount, but we've pulled all-nighters before when we've watched like 20 episodes during the night (we watched Marineford like that and we kind of did that too with WCI).

I think I don't go THAT fast tbh I could watch more every day if it wasn't because I watch the show with him only because it's sort of an 'us' thing. Now I'm on episode 1015, so I guess I'll catch up with the anime soon! Then I'll catch up with the manga and then I'll cry because I'll have to wait for episodes/chapters every week. What a torture.

TL;DR: I started watching in February, because my friend and my brother told me to and I fell in love with the show, and I watch 6-10 episodes every day unless I'm busy or I pull an all-nighter.

Fun fact: I watched the Baratie arc exactly on Sanji's birthday this year. I think he was truly meant to be my favorite character.

Oh, and the only reason I wasn't online commenting on my experience watching it before is because I physically stopped myself from looking for content because I didn't want to get spoiled. When I got to post-time skip, I created this side blog!! So, if you want a lil bit of a timeline: Started watching in February, got to post-timeskip in September when I created this blog (so 516 episodes in kind of half a year) and now I'm on episode 1015 (so 499 episodes in three months). I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not studying anymore and I'm just working 20 hours a week, huh.

[lividria]

Funny Story: Bad Video Game Endings (+ a game nobody's heard of before)

Not as in bad endings as in negative outcomes in the story, I mean video game endings that are of poor quality. I have some funny experiences with them. One of them is in a game I could probably convince you was a hoax if I tried hard enough. The other is from a recent Nintendo release. Strap yourself in, this'll be fun.

I'm back from writing this out, and HOLY SHIT, THIS MIGHT BE AS LONG AS THOSE TWO REALLY LONG METROID PRIME 4 POSTS I WROTE OUT. Abandon all hope, ye who enter in.

I Might Be One Of The First Actual People To Document Sparklite On Tumblr

Okay, Sparklite is a pixel-art 2D top-down roguelite that's on a couple consoles and I think Steam, but I played it on my stepdad's Switch (He found it in the eShop, I watched him play and wanted to try it myself). The game is seemingly often compared to 2D Legend of Zelda, but I personally don't really see the comparisons beyond comparisons you can make to dozens of other games and not just LoZ. It took me 2 or 3 days to beat, but if you have enough time and know what you're doing you might be able to beat it in 3 hours. This game has enthralled me ever since I played it like... It might've been months ago now, actually, because it is possibly one of the most obscure games I've ever played, and the way it handled it's plot fascinates me.

I looked on YouTube and only found a couple playthrough videos & specific segment guides and not much else besides the official soundtrack upload (By the way, huge shout out to the game's composer, Dale North, this game's ost is amazing go listen to it right fucking now it has under 2K views but is spectacular and deserves better), I found a Fandom wiki for the game that only has 16 barren pages and the main page was vandalized for some time because it wasn't fucking edit locked, and besides for like 1 or 2 people playing through the game on their own, all of the posts about it on here seem to be either automated reposts from other sites and/or like... Reviews and articles written by game journalists? Which puts me in an interesting spot here.

I just find that entire side tangent really interesting, but I'm now going to spoil the entire plot because it leads up to why this game's ending sucks. If you're playing through this game right now, don't read further but let me know and provide proof because I will not believe you but also really want to know if I am literally the only person who knows about this game.

Sparklite's Story, From Memory at 12:30 AM

You're a mechanic girl named Ada flying an airship with your robot pal Wingnut. You crash atop the continent of Geodia, and have to figure out where to go now. Woohoo.

You go through a weird building called a Founders' Vault that gives you a crossbow then replaces it with a blueprint in your inventory when you leave, and get your ass kicked by a robot that eats Wingnut and has a human piloting it that is uncommunicative and never elaborated on and entirely possible to miss.

You wake up in the Refuge, a fucking sky island base built by the people of Geodia because it is currently experiencing multiple seismic events constantly reshaping the land. Because it's a roguelite. There's this one character I forgot the name of, he's really cool looking and is said to be the one who built the Refuge but hasn't talked since he finished it, he'll come up again a bit, I'll refer to him as Hero because his design at first glance reminded me of a character named Hero from one of my friend's projects, ROYN, which I shall now shamelessly plug, go watch it. I dare you. I don't think the designs are actually comparable in hindsight.

You go down from the Refuge into Geodia, starting in the Vinelands which has a lot less vines than the name implies, and explore a bit, meeting a strange pirate gambler who makes you gamble at his game and resets all of the objects once you leave the room allowing for you to grind breaking plants eternally for infinite money, and eventually find that boss from before and kill him. Wingnut is saved, hooray!

Behind the boss (Because I guess it couldn't get in there but wanted to guard it) is a room leading to a giant chasm underneath Geodia revealing a big crystal. I don't remember if it was named. I'm going to call it the Philosophers' Stone because it's funny and technically a pun. You step on a symbol and a voice from who the fuck knows where speaks to you, telling you things. You're warped back to the Refuge, Hero speaks to you, and the next area is unlocked. This loop repeats for each major world, because that sequence unlocked the next one.

Between the mystery voice and Hero's monologues, you learn the following:

The main fuel source of this world is Sparklite, a usually green crystal that comes in other flavors and contains essentially infinite power. Basically anything drops it, and it's the currency of the game. Despite being set up as a power source, you're arbitrarily given a separate energy meter for the weapons that cost energy.

You can burn Sparklite to get a higher energy output but destroying the Sparklite, which fucks up the environment and turns things into monsters and is what's causing Geodia to fracture, and that's what the main antagonist, the Baron, and his soldiers, the bosses, are doing. Why? I dunno. Hero specifically mentions he was the one who invented burning Sparklite, but this never goes anywhere.

There was this ancient people that either came to this continent or planet and made it alive because they needed a place to stay. I forgot all of their names, but there were 5 important ones, but only 3 were actually important to the plot, and in fact I might be misremembering and only 2 are. one of them made the Philosophers' Stone as essentially the world's heart (It's one giant Sparklite crystal), one of them is Ada's ancestor and passed down the necklace thing you use as a key to get into more Founders' Vaults, and another tried to break the Philosophers' Stone and figured out how burning Sparklite works. No, I don't think this means Hero is thousands of years old, though I wish that was the twist.

I think Ada was prophesized to show up here, but I don't know how or why.

The Baron wants the Philosophers' Stone. You have to activate the seal things at the end of each world to protect the stone and stop him from getting it.

There are these musical creatures called Beats that keep getting lost. This one girl, Harmony, wants you to rescue them all. Saving all of them across the entire map gives you essentially the instant win button, as it's the max upgrade of each major equipable accessory thing I forgot the name of. If you've played Iconoclasts, they're essentially this game's more elaborate version of Tweaks... Iconoclasts is also another obscure indie game I've obsessed over a lot, and I only know one person outside of the game's Discord that knows about it.

Sparklite's Ending Has To Have Been Developed In Under An Hour

Okay, that's a bit of hyperbole, but still.

You're in the final world, Titan's Ridge, listening to one of the coolest tracks in the game, and you enter the final dungeon, seeing that the standard boss room is empty and the door to the Philosophers' Stone chamber is broken open. You walk in, the stone is gone, and the voice tells you you were too late and to go stop the Baron.

You're warped to the top of Titan's Ridge (it's a mountain), where the Baron is staring over the clouds at the Refuge. He has a generic villain monologue about how Ada is annoying and Sparklite is always more powerful when burned, snaps his fingers and the ENTIRE REFUGE CATCHES FIRE AND FALLS OUT OF THE SKY, and the final showdown commences.

You beat him up, and then he just absorbs the entire Philosophers' Stone out of nowhere, transforming into this horrid abomination that takes up almost the entire background as you fall into the stone chamber, and have to fight a swarm of buffed enemies to reactivate all of the seals. Alright, now I can fight him for rea- Wait, what the fuck, the game's over.

I'm not kidding. You have the first phase where you fight him in his normal form, then he turns into a kaiju, and you don't even fucking fight him, just his enemies. He doesn't even have a unique animation for when the seal lazers shoot at him and just... Disintegrate him offscreen, I guess, because the Philosophers' Stone is put back in place and the day is saved.

Hero's entire arc is never resolved, none of the other characters you meet have literally any relevance to the story, there's no further explanation given from the voices, the Refuge is somehow back to normal again, and the monsters all turn back to normal animals. The credits put you in a white void with nothing to do but pet a dog as the credits roll, and then you're booted to the title screen once the credits and their corresponding song (best track in the game and one of the best credits themes I've ever heard btw) finish.

You can imagine why my immediate reaction was frustrated, confused vocalizations of distress and despair, after having spent approximately 4 or 5 hours trying to beat the final boss (You had to restart at phase 1, and I had to leave to get better equipment twice which meant finding the dungeon in the newly randomized map all over again).

Hero's story never went anywhere and had no relevance to the plot, Baron's character was never explored, you don't even see what happened to him, his minions literally never got dialogue but were clearly people as Hero would talk about them individually each time you cleared a world, a lot of questions about the ancient people are left unanswered, Ada's relation to the ancients and Geodia is never explored, Wingnut is barely even a character if you remember them by the way they don't talk ever again after rescue besides when you get upgrades for them because they're a gameplay gimmick, and I don't know if Ada ever gets her ship back.

I don't know if this was a deadline issue, since the game was already pretty light on content and made by seemingly an indie studio idk I haven't looked into them, or if the devs just... Ran out of ideas on how to wrap the story up and just threw together something just to get it over with. Ultimately, it doesn't matter, you won't be playing the game for the plot, and it was my fault for expecting the game to have one when it was absolutely a gameplay-centered game. But still, as the ending to a narrative, that was dogshit. I still recommend the game, though. I don't even play roguelikes/lites and I still had a great time. I don't remember the price tag, and as you can tell I'm too lazy and tired to be googling things right now, but I'm pretty confident it was less than 30 dollars.

Princess Peach: Showtime, A Paradox Of Game Design

One of my friends didn't even know this game released when I started playing through it. I got it for my birthday, because I thought a modern Princess Peach platformer would be a decent time and I was running out of modern first-party Switch releases I was actually interested in. Like Sparklite, I see nobody talk about it, but obviously due to being a Nintendo game (Though made by some other company, I don't know what Goodfeel is in relation to Nintendo but they're to blame for this) there's much better documentation meanwhile Sparklite doesn't even have a Wikipedia page. I don't know what the standards are for that kind of thing, but you get the idea.

In case anyone missed that this game existed and don't know anything about it, Princess Peach is invited to the Sparkle Theatre, only for Madame Grape and the Sour Bunch to infiltrate and fuck up the plays happening in the Theatre, while locking everyone inside. The theatre's guardian, Stella, this game's stereotypical tiny floating exposition dump partner, asks Peach for help going through all of the plays and saving the day. You go through the plays, resolve the story conflicts the Sour Bunch are causing (Fun fact, they literally commit an act of terrorism in one of the levels), rescue the main actors called Sparklas, yadda yadda.

The game's story is as bland and generic as you can get, so you won't be playing the game for that. You could've swapped Peach out for a unique non-Mario character and nothing would've changed, literally nothing. Especially since most of the character designs don't feel like Mario characters to me. The game's soundtrack, to me, was nothing to write home about. The graphics are alright, but still pretty standard. The gameplay loop, in a vacuum, should be really annoying: You go through a linear level with a couple easy-to-miss side paths or side quests to get collectibles, do a couple minigames, maybe fight a boss every now and then, and if you want to retry literally any part of the level you have to restart the entire thing. At some point, you get a transformation into a costume matching the play, and a new gimmick is introduced, that usually sucks.

The game is easy as shit, unless you're trying to 100% it, then if so the developers hated you. I genuinely don't know why I even finished the game, I should by all accounts not have enjoyed it, but I somehow had fun with it and I still can't really figure out why. It was barely even a platformer. I gave up 100%ing it halfway through when I had to ask myself if constantly retrying a level if I actually cared enough that I wanted to be doing this, because I realized I was just acting on completionist instinct. Once I re-evaluated, I immediately dropped it and just went to finish the game, because I was just not into this game enough.

Princess Peach: Showtime's Ending Is Sonic Adventure 1's Final Boss But Done So Terribly Worse It's Actually Really, Really Funny

I have not, in fact, played Sonic Adventure 1.

I will preface this by saying that even with how lame the game was over all, it was ultimately inoffensive. Sure, it existed only to exist and make Nintendo some more money and nothing more, but you could at least have a good time with it. Up until this ending.

You've beaten every level, and rescued all of the Sparklas. The final boss door is waiting for you, where Madame Grape is waiting behind it. But... Stella can't get it open, even with her magic (By the way, Stella and the Sparklas are powered by Sparkle, Grape uses DARKLE). The cutscene makes it feel like all is lost, because now we can't stop Grape if we can't get to her, and she's just gonna rule the theatre forever.

The Sparklas, previously not in literally any part of the hub world even after being rescued unless I missed them, all surround Peach and offer up their Sparkle, and Peach absorbs it AND GETS A SUPER FORM. Like, literally, through the power of friendship she gets a Super Sonic form.

She floats now, too, and can shoot magic projectiles. So Peach goes through the door, Grape is waiting, somehow three times the size she was in previous cutscenes, and challenges you to a fight, saying she'll create the perfect tragedy by defeating you, her foil. The fight is flying around a ring-shaped arena and shooting projectiles at her around obstacles blocking you from shooting her as you occasionally have to dodge rocks and lazers. That is the ENTIRE FIRST PHASE OF THE FIGHT.

Some of the major bosses of the game actually had interesting gimmicks, like Light Fang was a snake in a clocktower-like environment who you had to avoid being spotted by or else they'd REWIND TIME until you got high enough to hit their fuse and stun them, and Spotlion who would turn the arena to glass and shoot projectiles that now bounce around and you'd have to reflect them back at the boss to stun them. But not the FINAL BOSS.

Peach powers down, and she and Stella go to leave, satisfied Grape is dead as only her mask is left on the floor, only for her to reform and the entire room explodes.

Peach and Stella wake up in the rubble of the Sparkle Theatre, which is now completely destroyed. Grape, now instead of basically being invisible under her clothes besides for a purple smog orb is now whatever this is, and the size of a fucking kaiju.

All seems lost AGAIN, until the residents of the island offer up their Sparkle to Peach, who powers up AGAIN with technically a different form but functionally the same except shooting a beam instead of an orb, and flies off to fight Grape... IT'S THE SAME FIGHT AGAIN, BUT WITH A SMALLER, RECTANGLE ARENA, SHOOTING A BEAM, AND EVEN EASIER TO DODGE ATTACKS.

AND THEN GRAPE IS BLOWN UP AND THROUGH THE POWER OF BULLSHIT THE THEATRE IS RECONSTRUCTED AND PEACH GOES HOME. THAT'S THE ENDING. THAT'S THE FUCKING ENDING. But then, on one of the random credits slides you can see Grape's mask floating in the ocean, implying she might come back in the future. That wasn't a post-credits scene, not one of the last 5 slides of the credits, they put the sequel bait only like 3/4ths into the credits.

I can't be the only one who feels like this is basically just thrift store Perfect Chaos, right? Just when it seems the villain is going to succeed, the main character assumes a floating super form with the help of their friends and goes in for the final showdown. The final boss is the main antagonist which is some esoteric being with shapeshifting capabilities thousands of times bigger, more monstrous, and made of some kind of viscous fluid, and is fought in the remains of the hub world. It even looked like the island was being flooded in that final sequence right before the second phase of the Grape fight.

Obviously, Perfect Chaos is much better than Grape in basically every aspect, especially because that form is actually earned by Chaos meanwhile Grape just... Turns into it.

Oh, also, get this, I didn't look much into the post-game content just because I was so fucking done with the game by this point, but those collectibles you can find in the levels if you hate yourself can actually be spent on something besides unlocking boss doors now. You can decorate the hub world. There's only like 15 decorations, and you can't choose where they go. They're in specific spots. And you can only get one of each. And there's only like 3 per floor.

Don't play this game. You can take the triple A price tag and split the money up to buy like 5 indie games so much more worth your time than this fucking garbage. I beat it a few hours ago and I'm still fuming about how dumb the ending was.

Conclusion

I hope at least one more person buys Sparklite or at least looks into it/listens to it's soundtrack because of this post, and one less person buys Princess Peach: Showtime because of this post.

Also, Bonus Funny Story: Me joking with one of my friends about Grape devolved at breakneck speeds to PP:S 2's antagonist being named Pineapple, having the evil plan of opening a portal to Hell, being fought in the Greed layer of Dante's Inferno except it's basically El Dorado, burnt to death by being dropped into molten gold, replaced by a corrupt businessman as the main antagonist only to come back for the final boss as Golden Pineapple. And then Reality Pineapple.

Would you believe me if I told you all of that was references to the ROYN series I mentioned earlier and the inside jokes we have related to it? Because that's what happened. No, you are not getting an explanation. Unless you watch ROYN. There's a running gag where me and that same friend from the Pineapple joke advertise the series like we're paid shills, and it's really tempting to lean into that right now, but then I'd just actually look like a shill. Especially since I'm friends with the guy making it.

[westerosoliviapope]

Theon Greyjoy - A Day in the Life

I loved this Theon segment so much, I want to give it room to breathe outside the other shenanigans in my latest update.

From Warrior in a Suit (Scandal Westeros - Finale) on A03

"That's the one."

Gods, Theon thinks. Don't let it be the expensive one. He flips the view on his phone so Sansa can inspect the selection of rings on the tray.

"Far right. 1.5 carat, round cut, white gold," she says. "It looks just like the one on her Pinterest board."

Of course.

He nods to Sabitha, the smiling saleswoman behind the counter. A mere six months ago, those tits peeking through her scandalously-buttoned white shirt would have compelled him to give her something more fleeting than the healthy commission she's about to collect.

He's in love, not blind—but neither Sabitha's turnips nor the significant dent in his credit card can cool the warmth in his chest imagining Jeyne's face when she sees this ring.

Theon Greyjoy. Betrothed. He's tempted to pinch himself.

You learn a thing or two watching your best mate spin out from a broken heart. Namely, you don't want to be the bloke who lets the girl—the One—get away.

Day two of their trip to wine country, having dinner on a balcony at Redwyne Family Vineyards as the sun set over rows of red grapes as far as the eye could see, when the light caught whatever Jeyne put on her face that evening to make her cheeks shimmer and all of a sudden he couldn't breathe, Theon knew.

He was done for. Over. So long to the Sabithas of the world.

Maestro, you can cue the wedding march…

The Riverlands' rains don't bother him —a walk in the park compared to the icy storms he grew up with. As far as he's concerned, it's 70 degrees and sunny as he whips his Tesla through the Capitol nodding to the sounds of Jaero Hovys. He became a fan while stationed in Tyrosh, sharing a base with Braavosi soldiers who couldn't get enough of Jae's layered, braggadocious rhymes. When you spent your days trying not to get your cock blown off by landmines, you took confidence where you could get it. For Theon, that meant chanting lines like "I will not lose" and "allow me to re-introduce myself" while waiting in the fields, rifle at the ready.

He generally prefers the earlier stuff to the recent releases with his wife, Bellegere Otherys. Since taking Jeyne to see the pair in concert, however, he appreciates the newer tracks. He doesn't even skip when "Boss" thumps out of his custom speakers.

"Everybody's bosses/ till it's time to pay for the office—"

Fucking hell. How does the phone always know to ring right before the best part of the song? His frustration is quickly replaced with a shit-eating grin when he sees the name flashing across his dashboard.

"Ms. Poole," he answers. He swears he can feel the ring burning a hole in his pocket, even though it's locked in his safe at home. She has no idea… he thinks. Or does she? Bloody hell, if Sansa spoiled the surprise—

"Are you seeing this thing with Arya and your uncle?"

He tries—actively—not to see anything about anyone in his family, except maybe Asha. But keeping the Greyjoy name out of his feeds is difficult of late. What with Euron emerging from bumfuck Asshai and casting himself as Westeros' new main character. Running around with Cersei Lannister. Going viral for shitposting celebrities and the government. Now, apparently he's arguing with Arya on Twitter.

Once he's at his desk, Theon goes through the tweets. All 319 of them. Arya listed the 318 victims of the 2002 Bear Island Attack, a name per tweet, and ended the thread with:

"The media wants you to forget, so they can use the theatrics of a suspected terrorist to boost their ratings. Please think of your Northern neighbors before you platform/share/boost Euron Greyjoy. Time changes many things—it doesn't bring back the loved ones we lost at Bear Island. #TheNorthRemembers."

587k retweets

In reply, Euron posted a photo from Robb's campaign with Theon featured prominently among the Stark siblings.

"Seems you aren't triggered by all Greyjoys. Just the ones who don't kiss your 'honorable' arses. Westerosi elites use every trick in the book to censor me because I tell the truth. Don't let the sob stories fool you.

869k retweets

How long before his phone starts buzzing with requests for comment? Theon gives it two, three hours tops.

When he left Pyke to join the armed services at 18, he thought his days of explaining his family ties were over. He enlisted as Theon Harlaw with no plans to return to the western shores of the Narrow Sea. Once the Three Daughters' conflict settled, he'd find a local Tyroshi girl—a buxom waitress, bartender, or the like—and have a stable full of blue-haired sons who'd never hear their family name associated with words like "extremist," or "cult."

He was in Tyrosh a year when a new crop of cadets came over from the Military Academy at Storm's End, and the name "STARK" appeared over one of the bunks in his unit.

When the Bear Island Courthouse fell, he and Asha were already emancipated, having won their freedom with the assistance of their Uncle Rodrik. The national media knew of Balon Greyjoy, the Iron Islands governor who didn't publicly support the Church of the Drowned God, but—conveniently—never brought the full force of the law down on its extremist sect. They knew the masterminds behind the attack, and applied the term to Aeron and Victarion without irony. And they knew of the enigmatic Greyjoy brother whose "business" took him to Qarth—known drug and money laundering capital of the world—a month before the attack.

They knew little of the wife who divorced Balon ten years prior on grounds of spousal abuse. Or the pair of teenage orphans left to fend for themselves when she died.

His mother's surname let him and Robb coexist peacefully when he first arrived. As the legend of the Young Wolf spread, Theon stayed cordial, but distant. They worked together when duty called. Otherwise, Theon spent his leisure time with the Braavosi unit. With their music, brashness, and penchant for good liquor, they were more his speed than the boy scouts from the Military Academy.

Leave it to Balon to blow it to shit.

News of his father's stroke came via letter. Addressed to "Theon Greyjoy." Like it was bloody designed for shouting in the unit for everyone to hear.

Theon learned three things that day.

One: He wouldn't receive a penny of his trust fund without the Greyjoy name.

Two: Robb has literal bricks for hands.

Three: A fist fight can be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Moments like tonight—watching his name turn into a trending topic because he didn't just have "a" crazy uncle, but came from a family of hucksters who amassed power by deluding an impoverished region with the fantasy of subjugating women, never paying taxes, and attacking merchant ships in the Sunset Sea like a band of old time pirates—makes him wonder if being a Greyjoy is worth the money.

Hovys said it best. Take the good with the bad or throw the baby out with that bath water. Theon Harlaw couldn't drop $21k on an engagement ring.

Fuck waiting out the storm. He may as well steer into it. Smother this baby in the crib before it hits Robb's radar and turns into a real shit show. It's the last thing they need after that Westerling business.

And yes. Perhaps, somewhere in the back of his mind, Theon liked the idea of eye candy in the office when that bloke from the Lorathi embassy gave him her resume. How was he supposed to know Robb would lose his godsdamned head?

Before Jeyne—his Jeyne—not Slutty Fanfic Jeyne…

Well. Okay. Theon would've done the same. Or at least tried. But he didn't unzip Robb's pants and stick his cock in the girl. So, not his fault.

"WNTH. How may I help you?"

"Theon Greyjoy for Wylla Manderly."

Hound that she is, Wylla barely lets the phone ring. Gods save anyone standing between her and an exclusive. "Your uncle has half the republic calling you 'Theon Sheepboy.' Care to comment?"

Sheepboy? Oh. Wolves. Sheep. "Charming," Theon retorts, tapping his pen on his desk.

Time to earn his keep as comms director.

"I'd like to say, on the record, that I have been honored by the gracious warmth and welcome I've found within the Stark family, and stand ardently with them in support of the families and victims of the Bear Island Attack. Euron Greyjoy is a photo on a mantle in a house I barely remember. And I'd like to keep it that way."

"Got it."

"One more thing, Wylla…"

"Aye?"

"The headline is me and my uncle. The family's been through enough without Euron goading them into a brawl." Better Euron's army of bots calling him "sheepboy" than whatever vile shit they'll say to Arya.

"Careful, Greyjoy. People might start thinking you're galant."

"Me?" Theon smiles. "Never."

[goodboypolly]

A long thought about surprise queer representation:

The term ‘“getting ‘EVERY’ed” isn’t something that can just happen in any context.

The thing about the original EVERY is that it was from a completely unrelated multi show promo from Amazon’s Twitter, and no one paid that split second of Good Omens any mind for a good couple of days. Why would there be a Good Omens kiss in a queer kiss compilation for pride month, after all? Then someone actually watched the promo and went ‘wait a fucking second…’

It was out of fucking nowhere. We didn’t see a kiss coming in a million years.

When I first read the book years ago as a teenager, I fell in love with the idea of Aziraphale and Crowley. But it was a book that was finished and we would never get any new content. So I read every fanfiction written.

Then a show was announced. A mini series. A one off. Six episodes to tell the story of the book updated to the modern era. Like most of us who were fans of the book before the show, I was cautious. It could have been a dumpster fire.

And then it just wasn’t. I remember seeing a post way back in 2019 that summed it up perfectly: I knew I was going to like Crowley. I was always going to like Crowley. But I wasn’t expecting to LOVE Aziraphale. (Or something like that).

They were perfect and the extra scenes and watching these amazing actors actually play these characters gave us so much more fuel. The fandom exploded and we were so lucky to have an influx of ridiculously talented writers and artists and cosplayers joining our ranks.

I saw Neil Gaiman give a talk a mere week before the season 2 announcement was made. He is a professional like no other. I was fully fooled by him sadly saying that Good Omens was only going to be one series. He signed my book and was lovely and fully knew the whole time that he was going to change the trajectory of my fucking life the next week.

The announcement came and I lost my shit. This was something that was never going to get any more content. I was happy watching the same episodes over and over again and listening to different versions of the book or flipping through and rereading my favourite bits.

We were getting more content.

I never expected a kiss.

I don’t think any of us did. I thought we were always going to be living in the ‘it’s a love story, we’re just not going to show it or talk about it’ world. I’m used to being told that my existence as a queer person is meant to be kept as subtext.

It was days out from the show that EVERY dropped. Someone I followed on Twitter reposted it so I saw it. And I froze. I genuinely thought it was an edit. I had to tell myself it was an edit or I’d go insane. For the most part we all stayed silent on the subject. We didn’t want to spoil it for people who hadn’t seen it.

But I was going fucking insane. We weren’t getting a kiss there was no way we were getting a kiss.

When the show dropped I was there the first minute to binge the whole series in one go.

EVERY sitting in the back of my mind for the 5 or so hours of episodes.

Episode 6 was happening. I was 10 minutes out from the end. EVERY hadn’t happened. It must have been an edit.

Schrödinger’s EVERY, if you will.

Then it very much wasn’t.

It was real and it still is and I still lose my mind when I remember that it actually happened.

I don’t think anything else will ever feel like this.

—

For those who never saw it, I present:

[giraffefeather]

Absolutely love playing DAII for the first time with minimal knowledge. Like... all I know is Anders blows up the Chantry. At some point.

(Post got long, have a courtesy cut) Spoilers up to the end of Act II.

So I'm just wandering along Kirkwall, doing whatever quests pop up. I somehow managed to acquire Fenris at the VERY END of Act I. Like the last quest before finishing the main quest. I kept wondering when he'd show up.

Meanwhile, I've already decided to romance Anders. (Even though Fenris's voice hit me like a fucking freight train and I very nearly switched sides immediately). And I'm just blindly doing what he asks because he's my future husband, you know?

Totally forgot about the conversation with him about meeting at my house. Went to my house to read a letter and BAM! There's Anders! My Champion is absolutely a moron and definitely forgot in game, but hey, pleasant surprise, right?

And I'm jumping from quest to quest so randomly that I managed to complete Aveline's goofy date quest and then immediately followed it with my mother dying in the most horrific way. The fucking whiplash nearly broke me!

Every decision I make either pisses off Anders or Fenris. But Anders is my boy, and the only other warrior option I have is Aveline and I am not dealing with her! So I have to take Fenris. I have somehow managed to keep his friendship level just above rival, but boy does that elf dislike Hawke. And Anders. Jury's still out on if he likes Varric.

(My Hawke is a dual-blade rogue, so my party is always Anders, Varric, Fenris. For balance! Yeah... not because their banter has me giggling like an idiot)

Thought for sure that Anders was gonna blow up the chantry during his Justice quest. Was mildly disappointed when the Chantry was intact.

But uh... hey Anders? Trying to give away your prized possession to Varric? Keeping secrets? Absolutely eluding to some type of betrayal? WHAT DID YOU DO????? Mentally preparing for the worst while desperately trying to convince him to stop this nonsense or at least TELL ME WHAT THIS NONSENSE IS! (I need to know but I refuse to spoil it).

Haven't looked up any guides except the one for the Books of Evil. Because fuck that one. (I have a desperate need to get every achievement I can, to do every quest available).

Hey, as someone whose very first DA experience was a Qunari Inquisitor... where are the lovable Qunaris? Why do I have to hate and kill all of them as Hawke? Justice for Qunari! (Or at least give me a Tal-Vashoth that survives Kirkwall)

IMMEDIATE distrust of Meredith. What's up with her? No... don't tell me. Not yet.

Why am I so surprised at the amount of swearing in game? I mean DAI wasn't exactly PG, but feels like DAII has the language while DAI has the nudity. Is there nudity in DAII? Do I really want to see it? Or do I just want DAI to say fuck?

I started my playthrough months ago before returning to it. I do not remember naming my dog "Jurn." Why did I name my dog Jurn?? It's not even funny stupid, just stupid stupid!

Checks out for my Hawke. She really is just stupid stupid. Varric is truly holding this team together.

Constantly asking myself what the plot of this game is. Act I, make money. Got it, easy enough. Act II? Qunari for some reason? Act III.... ????

Isabela you little shit, come back to my party! I sided with you and you just up and left?? Come back! I miss you at the Hanged Man...

Bethany has been unavailable for like half the game. I didn't notice her absence for the majority of Act II. Idk why I thought I could just take her from the Circle if I ever wanted to. I just... didn't ever want her in my party. (I feel kinda bad, but with the Hawke family history, I have a sneaking suspicion she won't survive Act III).

I keep hearing about Anders's cat. He keeps talking about kittens. Where is this cat??? When does he get a cat? Can I pet it?

Act I has scarred me and I am hoarding gold like a dragon. I have bought exactly 2 things. An armor upgrade I found for Isabela (who is absolutely never in my party) and a gift I was curious about. That gift was immediately forgotten until I started talking to my companions. Suddenly, I had a gift for everyone that I picked up on my travels. I have no idea which one was the one I bought.

Really need to look into those armor upgrades... It's Act III and everyone is in their beginner armor. Except Isabela. But... she's fucking gone, so...

I love that Varric keeps track of kills. I'm ashamed that my Hawke is an idiot and probably has less than everyone else.

If I hear "out of range" one more fucking time... shut up and do your rogue jump into battle, Hawke. You're embarrassing me.

I keep hearing about this Sebastian fellow. I hope I get to meet him. I think I have all the add-ons. I just don't trust myself to find the right quest to find him. Maybe he's late game?

Love/hate that all my poor decisions come back to haunt me. Refuse to pay the loan shark dwarf? Yeah, we're getting ambushed at every turn. Hawke is very good at making enemies.

Merrill, sweet ray of sunshine, daisy with the eluvian, you scare me. But damn, I really want to see if the eluvian works (reason number 76 why Fenris hates me).

WHY DOES ANDERS ALWAYS BRING ME TO THE SEWERS??? THIS IS NOT VERY ROMANTIC, ANDERS!

Keep forgetting to protect Varric in battle. That man has used more injury kits than I care to count. I love the idea that he keeps telling all this to Cassandra, too. Like "yeah we had to battle the Qunari, but I was knocked out for half of it. Anyway, here's what happened while I was out cold."

Have I mentioned my battle skills are absolutely horrendous? Like button mashing is a strategy, right? Varric having to tell Cassandra, " yeah so we were fighting like 8 shades and 2 rage demons and Hawke was... waving her daggers at an empty corner for 3 minutes."

Hey uh, how does Varric know what went on in the privacy of Hawke's bedroom when Anders came to visit? And why is he telling Cassandra? Varric, I have questions and concerns.

Anyway, I'm loving this game, and how different it is from DAO and Origins. I like that I never know what the main plot is. I mean, yeah, mages vs templars, but I mostly know that from DAI and other lore referring to it. While playing, it just feels like Hawke is a person doing her best to meddle in absolutely everything with no game plan. And it's lovely!

[babydinojojo]

Day 18(8/12/24)

Man, a lot has happened in this past month and shit. Some good, some bad, some I don't fuckin know. Well let's start with the good.

Summer youth finally ended and shit thank god I don't have to go back to that hell hole if a camp ever again, and I'm glad I'm also away from them annoying little spoiled brats, and bro when I say their brain rot is really bad, IT'S BAD! Bro I kid you not these kids were saying "What the sigma" "Skibbdi" and shit and like... Is their generation really fuckin screwed???? These fuckin kids bro were spoiled like how do y'all have iPads at such a young age :/, and not to mention this kid named Ky and that girls table was nice until they got to the last two weeks. The boys table was just straight up annoying, Yes Rohan you were annoying especially nigga always got 15 minutes off gym EVERY FUCKING day except the last 2 days he was here. If I'm being honest here I'd never work with kids again in anyway shape and/or form again.

Me and Vanni celebrated our one year anniversary two weeks ago today, and yea we did a movie sorta marathon, but I enjoyed it at least! We watched this movie, well I forgot what it was called, but it was like this guy had DiD and Vann Vann mentioned how Will was meant to be like this except the DiD part. Well we also got our relationship back on track after..... THAT happened and hey we've been going strong for the past month and frankly I haven't really talked to anyone but her in the past couple of months. I've kinda cut off my friends and sorta just surrounded myself with her, and frankly I'm glad I did, my friends would've just gotten in the way of everything, they're nothing but burdens on me, and hell I don't even consider some of them real fuckin friends. I mean me and Angel still talk but that ain't nothing really, we was close but not anymore and frankly I'm ok with it.

I haven't told Vanni this yet, but I recently discovered what's been preventing me from regressing as of lately. It's my brother, surprise surprise, he's been preventing me from regressing, and it just makes me sad cause he never treats me with any sorts of respect nor does my sister. She hates me for legit no reason at all, and I never did anything to her. Yesterday she fuckin hit me on the head for legitimately no reason and shit and frankly I'm tired of the way she treats me. I never did anything to her at all and I'm frankly confused in why she treats me like this. It's like my sister and brother are both against me for no reason.

Jayden got a new girlfriend, and deadass I fucking hate her annoying ass. They always calling each and EVERY moment of every day and it's like bro why???? I don't call Vanni every waking minute of the day, and yet he does????? Mom tried to do something about it yesterday and she lectured him about him treating me like my equal... Yea you wonder why my grades lower than usual. It's cause of that dumbass. Nigga is ALWAYS on the phone late fucking night and I'm always so damn sleepy to the point where I always forget things or overlook things sometimes this is just ridiculous. Mom rarely does anything about it, and she just lectures him and shit and don't really do anything about it, she just tells him to go to bed and shit and never just.... This is just making me upset just talking about it...

Tigger Warning: Contents from here might involve Depression/Suicidal thoughts/Self Harm

I always had this thought on myself lately where I was just a burden to everyone I know, and even to Vanni, and it's like... I don't know why people want to be around me at this point... I overlook shit, I don't listen, I'm a overweight piece of shit who does nothing but slob away on the couch/in his room all day, and lately every day waking up and getting out of bed has been feeling like a chore. I always let everyone down, I let my parents down with my bad grades and the fact I weight the exact weight as my mom..., my sister hates me for no reason...., my brother doesn't even care about my feelings, I'm always gaslighted or manipulated by everyone in they mother, It's just... I feel like nobody cares about my feelings or ask how I'm doing. I always ask people and shit how they're doing, but yet they never did the same for me....

You know if they're one thing that comforts me at night, it's just... there's an escape from this world. I already planned it out in my head, but it'll never happen cause I don't wanna commit offing myself...

On one faithful day, I was gonna pull up to school but put my stuff down in the library and watch some of the last YouTube videos I'll ever watch... I order a lunch from the cheesecake factory and pick it up from there, and it's a very big meal. It'll be my last one after all. I'll eat it slowly and savor every last bite eating slowly... once I finish it and my drink along with my snacks... I'll say my final goodbyes to my parents, my siblings, and my friends.... and then Vanni.... it'll be one of the most heartbreaking, and gut wrenching goodbyes I would ever give someone... The amount of times I would apologize for doing this too her... But I can't take it anymore..... I wouldn't block her, and since she'll have access to all my social medias I'll give her full control of them from here on out... I love you Vanni... Always and forever... Please cherish the memories and love we've had for each other and thank you being apart of my life, I'll always be forever grateful for it... You really made one of the biggest impacts in my life and I thank you for trying each and everyday and for taking care of yourself... I'll see you in the next life one day Vanni... You'll have control of all my social medias from this day on you can do whatever you please.... After that final goodbye to Vanni... I'll delete my discord, and instagram accounts and uninstall the apps. I'll put my phone into my bag and leave the bag as I slowly walk out of the library and take one last look at the school I went to.... I walked myself to the Bryant Park train station and took a few trains too the East River... I jumped into the water and go deep effectively ending my pain.... As my soul leaves this world never to return...

But then again.... I have so much to live for after all. If I committed suicide I would be hurting everyone who loved me and cared about me to begin with. I can't do that to Vanni or my family.... I don't know I just feel depressed and sad at the moment, and if you come to think of it... I guess I did it too myself.

Onto the next Journal entry... or to emotionally manipulated or gaslighted because I don't know how to speak up for myself for Jack shit! Fuck my life man

[think-it-through]

hello tumblr. here i am w another thit in ur face.

today s topic.

my mental instability, diagnoses, and other such beautiful things. but mostly, me, breaking down.

why is it so goddamn hard to get an evaluation when you need one. i need one because i am in a horrible mental state and have been in a similar state mkst of my life and then IT ALSO. heightened. so much in the past year.

one year ago i was quite happy. happiest ive ever been even. i met my partner, i was doing great at school. i had a good relationship with myself.

also one year ago in a week from now. exactly a week since today. is when my grandpa passed away and then it all went to shit!!! my health (physical) my health (mental) my relationship with myself (quaking) my trust in my ability to perform well professionally (currently invisible and yet still somehow present).

in the process of this horrible fall i found out one of my parents has previously been in a mental health hospital and the other one has a diagnosis. HA! who would've thought!!! NOT ME. because god forbid they taught me how they cope with their mental health nono.

the coping is "don't stress" and "crying won't solve anything" and "you'll grow out of it". WELL. GUESS WHAT MUM. i grew INTO IT.

phew. it feels weird to put all this in a positivity blog but it is my blog and i love it and positivity helps cus YES. LOVE PREVAILS. BUT IT DOES NOT NEGATE THE STRUGGLE AND THE BAD. it can still struggle while loved.

and i really. really. want to be better. so bad. sosososososoosososo bad. however! :( however! it has not been working. a self care shower and cutting my nails does nkt help. crying every day does not help. writing from time to time does not help. it helps. but it doesn't take away the pain in my chest, my urge to randomly do very bad things to myself, my fear of the future and my fear of everything. my fear of what people think of me when i am not mentally healthy. my fear ill be stuck in this. my fear ill be just like my father. my fear that I will end up doing all those bad things to myself. my fear that i wjll be a good for nothing living off of my parents mlney. my exhaustion with every daily task. my sleep issues.

but, most of all. nothing takes away the pain in my chest and my confidence that i am not a good person. that i am not capable. that i am abnormal. that i dont do enough. that i dont try enough. that i am a spoiled brat good for nothing fake nice person.

which? wtf what bad person would be so genuinely preoccupied and eaten the fuck up about being a good person. and not in a "performative activism" way but in a. i need to help make the fucked up world better. i need to. i have to. i want to. but am i doing enough. am i. am i? am i????

-

i.. idk! let me try and be grateful. i love my family. i love my partner. i love my friends. i did so much this year that i really thought I would not be able to do and i did it pretty damn good while also trying to not overwork myself. i. did my best. with my best intentions for myself and everyone. so. yeah. isn't that all i can do? what more do i want from myself?

i just. i think so much. so much. bit ironic since this blog is called think-it-through. but its in a sense of thinking it through when u see bad stuff. weighing in the good stuff. or idk. i didnt think that much when i did choose it.

it's going to be okay. not everything is my responsibility. nothing is in my control actually. i am safe for today no matter what decisions i take and what things i can do. sometimes(always) stuff like being sleepy, depressed anxious and procrastinating is NOT a decision. it is not. i need to give myself a break.

i have literally been growing (typo from going. but truly I've been growing) through the worst of my life in the last 12 months, back to back. whatever way i perform. it is understandable. i need to stop aiming so high. (and yet not actually specifically aiming anywhere because im scared of choosing a career choice) but. yeah. i need to stop pressuring myself to aim high in every micromanaged thing.

as someone told me "everything ure scared of, someone is profiting off of." and fuck off. fuck off. to that i say. i will grow and learn to live acting out of love only. and not fear.

i deserve love. everything deserves love. i am kind and good just because i want to be. i am okay and i am going to be ok until im not and then ill figure it out. im not going through something easy but i have support, resources and motivation to get better.

and you do too. good luck. u can do it.

[actualdraccus]

Okay so the other day my roommate and I finished watching the Clone Wars series. We've been at it for like 4 months (I think). And I've historically been a person who, you know, likes Star Wars well enough. I can't remember the details, but I know I've liked it as I've been watching...

As such, I have never really had many opinions about the canon or continuity for myself. And the things that I know from hearing them from other people are "the prequels are bad, but not as bad as this bullshit sequel trilogy. And not as bad as x, y, and z..."

But having grown up hearing the prequels shit upon over and over again, I think I had a very skewed view of what they actually are. BUT. I've just watched Clone Wars. And I dove into it with the last time I watched any of the movies being probably at least five years ago. If not six (I'm very bad at keeping track of time I think it was before Mandalorian started coming out?). So I had no idea what was going on for a bit.

I watched Clone Wars build its own sort of narrative, assuming that it is definitely someone's first experience with Star Wars. It's incredibly gentle with the canon that existed before it and its audience's expectation based on that. And yet, it still uses that expectation for tension effectively without spoiling the things that haven't happened in the timeline yet. It's an incredible effort of storytelling. And by the end of it, I was remembering (and attaching meaning to) the political and social plots going on. The planets that were major players. The factions within all those larger groups...

And then we went and watched Revenge of the Sith. While I've seen this movie before, it was-again-at least 5 years ago. I think it must have been 6 (what year is it, now?). The first thing my roommate said at its opening was "you know, this CG has really held up for the time it came out". One of the first things I said was "Wow, that lighting must've been hell to execute. They did it really well". And those two things remained true throughout the rest of the movie. It was honestly? A great looking production. Their blending of CG and live action was successful. The mood of Star Wars, all the visual weight of the lighting and color was there--and I realize that this is what Clone Wars was probably emulating more than anything else. Because they wanted these things to blend seamlessly. And they did. They so did.

Somehow, the Clone Wars series made Revenge of the Sith better. And I don't think it was actually as bad as I was led to believe it was before. Yeah, the politics would've been clunky without the context I had, and I definitely felt the weight of Order 66 more, among other things. But it wasn't as bad as people made it out to be.

[peregrineggsandham]

Been playing Dark Souls I for the first time, blind. It's my first-ever Soulsborne game but after really enjoying other games that have been compared to Dark Souls for a variety of reasons (encouraging exploration, interconnected world, lore/plot that is drip-fed through sparse dialogue and item descriptions, combat that is challenging but fundamentally fair, environmental storytelling, themes of light/dark not necessarily corresponding one-to-one with good/evil, "dark fantasy" setting in general, secrets upon secrets upon secrets) I decided to give it a shot.

Have been completely blind so please no spoilers, even though this game is now 12 years old. All I know about the lore is... uh... Aviators music. Really enjoying having context for songs I've loved for years. Fading Light really hits now, it's awesome.

Thoughts below.

[Edit: an absolute shit-ton of thoughts below, sorry y'all, it just kept going.]

...I am loving this game, y'all. I understand why it's a classic and damn, I think I'm gonna end up playing through the whole series. Eventually. Too bad Bloodborne doesn't have a PC port, because I hear it has a more explicitly Lovecraftian vibe and I am here for that aesthetic.

...Will say that this is entirely blind save for one googling which amounted to "hey I consistently suck at bosses that require me to split my focus because I have a hard time tracking moving things on a screen, but... Ornstein and Smough are a pain in the ass for everyone, right? right? they are exactly the kind of boss I tend to be very bad at but it isn't just me right??"

(very glad to see the answer was yes, finally gave in and summoned another player for help. Thank you Percy, whoever you are. I think I could beat them solo, I was getting either of them in their giant forms to about half-health pretty consistently, but by then it had been far, far too many hours and I have real-world things to do, I really couldn't spare the time to keep trying. for now. maybe later.)

(felt kinda bad about it for a bit but then with the Lordvessel in hand holy fuck I have fast travel now and it feels amazing I went into the magma-y depths and took care of the... whats-his-name, the guy who acted just like the Stray Demon. Having beat the Stray Demon, it only took a couple tries, and then I one-shot the one after it, whom I think was called the Centipede Demon but whom I have dubbed Crawly.)

Currently throwing myself at the Bed of Chaos, who feels more "environmental hazard" than "boss" but after the rest of the... gauntlet?... kind of a nice break.

(Admittedly I realized late that it was a gauntlet - I beat Ceaseless Discharge right after Quelaag and then learned there was nowhere to go afterwards, whoops.)

Lore Musings:

(Look I know I'm probably super off - this game is very old and has sequels and I'm sure people have spent literal months of their lives piecing it all together, and believe you me I will be watching lore videos... after I have finished the game. By which I here mean "gotten all achievements". Which, google tells me [I like to check these things] will take three playthroughs. So it'll be a while, and it's fun to piece things together on my own! Feel free to hint cheekily at things that are right and wrong here but please don't spoil.)

I've been told I am to succeed Lord Gwyn and take his place to "link the first flame" and prolong the Age of Fire. Mm. Right. So. That seems lovely. Really, honestly, lovely - the world is beautiful. Worth keeping it going, I think.

(I had an initial theory that, having kinda passed its natural endpoint, the whole world was basically "undead" - lumbering on after it was supposed to have ended. So that prolonging it would effectively curse everyone to eventually go Hollow. But it sounds like "linking"/succeeding Gwyn would actually return things to how they were a millennia ago and solve this whole undead problem.)

......However. Two issues there.

First Issue: One of my favorite games of all time is Hollow Knight, which I've heard is rather DS-inspired. I definitely see how. Not just the metroidvania design and emphasis on challenging bosses and drip-fed lore, but themes. Light and dark. A sacrifice to keep something at bay, who is failing in their duty, who needs to be replaced. Now, I'm not going to rely on a completely different game to inform my understanding of this one's lore, but...

... But... well, this isn't a permanent solution, is it? Something like a thousand years ago, as I understand it so far, shit went down. People started becoming undead, Gwyn went off to Do Something About It. (Also the Witch of Izalith fell to Chaos around that time? Will get there.) Havel went Hollow and was locked in his tower, presumably by Gwyn (which was my original clue that Gwyn/the Lords were still alive after their whole Lords vs. Dragons showdown, since it meant Gwyn had to still have been around when the zombie problem began - love this piecemeal lore).

Gwyn "linked the flame" (the First Flame? what did he link it to? current bet is the Shrine, since that is what it is named - maybe that has something to do with why its Firekeeper, of all of them, seems to have some terrible penance she is performing). Now it's my turn? But Gwyn was a Lord (whatever that means? current guess is Lord=God but we've heard of more gods than just the four, so honestly I'm gonna base my Lord=God assumption entirely on what happens when I collect a Lord's soul and whether they look like the other unique souls in my inventory, since that would imply they're a similar kind of soul).

I am not a Lord. I'm just some dude. a flawed vessel, if you will.

Meaning that eventually - and probably less than 1000 years from now, someone is going to have to succeed me. (Was Gwyn even the first?)

How far will this go? How long can this last?

We're prolonging the inevitable.

(Also what does "linking the fire" entail and is this a Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas situation.)

Now, you could easily frame "prolonging the inevitable" as either a good or bad thing.

(1) Theme of persistence and hope: Even if the end is inevitable, isn't it worth fighting to drive it back as long as possible? Just because everything ends doesn't mean we shouldn't give up and wait for it to happen. We must fight to keep the fire lit, as long as we can.

(2) Theme of acceptance and change: Yes, everything ends and the end is inevitable - fighting that will only lead to despair. Ends are not bad, change is not bad, and letting change occur is not giving up - it is only witnessing the start of a new age. Even if we can bring it back to its former glory in some day, is the world not, by this point, undead?

Is that a bad thing to be?

Even if it isn't, is there new life that we are preventing from existing?

Now of course you can argue that there is not new life! What is to come is darkness! It is devouring, consumption, end, ash, blindness! (Funny, though, isn't it how all of those things can come also from wildfires.) Dark is bad. Obviously. Of course we don't want the end to come, when all it will bring is despair.

But then, that's the Second Issue:

"Falling to dark", the end of the age of fire, it's all presented as quite horrible. Fair enough! It does, indeed, seem to be! Certainly darkness is a corrupting force - Gwyn's soul (?) split into four, Four Kings, falling to dark - don't know what that's about yet, I imagine I have to find some way to drain New Londo to find out.

Point is, darkness is bad! Very bad! Everyone is quite insistent upon this! Dark=bad. Falling to it = bad.

....

........Except I'm in Lost Izalith right now and it's. uh.

not gonna lie, it's pretty bad here.

and it's very, very bright.

Here, in this lava-lit city, where Solaire himself found a "sun" so blindingly beautiful he lost himself to it. Here, where the witches who had mastered fire - mastered light - fell just as hard.

Light, it seems, is just as corrupting a force.

"Chaos" is more confusing - I think it's effectively the primordial base from which light and dark arise, aka "Disparity", will have to watch the opening cutscene for a third time. But that doesn't seem quite right since seems to be more light-aligned, what with the chaos fire pyromancies and seeing how the witch and her daughters were corrupted by chaos. not dark. they did not fall to dark.

Again, haven't figured out what's going on with the Kings yet, but...

...I am not convinced that dark is evil.

And I'm not convinced that clinging to light is the right thing to do.

Fantasy likes to paint darkness as stagnation and death, light as life and change.

But as I understand it, both light and dark arose from Disparity, which had something to do with the First Flame. They were created at the same time. There is no such thing as light without a corresponding concept of darkness. They are equals.

Stagnation, emptiness, those aren't characteristics of darkness, they're characteristics of the ancient world, the one the dragons ruled/existed in. Dragons which might (?) have been made of stone, the #1 metaphor for something firm and unchanging and eternal (geologists everywhere just rolled their eyes). Eternity, immortality, that predates light and dark.

The concept of decay and death requires a concept of life, of change. A world of dark is not a world without change. Things still died in the Age of Fire; it is not eternal. (that's rather the whole "problem", actually). Hell, Nito is apparently "first of the dead" and he was born of flame like the other Lords as per opening cinematic. Things will, presumably, still live in some future Age of Darkness.

...the entire point of disparity, of fire, was the introduction of the possibility of change.

........so it kind of feels that the perpetuation of this world, a world of Fire Unchanging, would be just... a shallow and ill-fitting recreation of How It Used To Be during the age before disparity came to be.

Like. Look. Uninformed blind-playthrough timeline here: There was Stagnation, all stone and dragons. Then, Disparity was born, Change, and with it Light and Dark. The Souls of Lords were found, and used Light to fight against Stagnation. (I feel like Dark would have worked just as well.) They built a world of Light.

Now everyone is upset that Change is happening? My dudes you built this place out of one half of Change incarnate. It does that! It's almost as if you didn't really want Change, you just wanted a new world of Stagnation in which you ruled as gods.

A new eternal kingdom, made of fire instead of stone.

But fire isn't stone. Fires go out, eventually. And are rekindled.

....Funny, it's almost like a classic dark-light-dark-light cycle. The story is so close to "there was dark, then light, now dark is coming again and everyone fond of light is trying to stop it".

But it's not.

Because there hasn't been dark - at least, not a full-on Age of it. I think. I dunno, there are two more games and I haven't finished this one yet but...

...I suspect that that kind of cycle is exactly what would happen if this age ended! Dark is born of disparity, too! It'd end eventually, and a new Age of Fire would be born, and so on, ad infinitum, until even change itself changes and the cycle is broken, because an infinite cycle is really just its own kind of stagnation and one day someone will have to make that choice.

But that's not this story. This cycle hasn't even started, because fire is clung to so tightly.

Maybe that's not a bad thing. Again, infinite cycles, not great, but... more natural, certainly. And if dark is destruction without rebirth, decay without fertilization of new soil, despair and suffering without relief, then, well, I can't say I disagree.

...............but is it though? all I have been told of it comes from its kings and those who followed them. maybe they are corrupt and unwilling to give up their power. or maybe, more likely, they are only afraid of the dark.

....We are afraid of the dark when we do not know what lurks in it. Souls of Lords, found in the flame - they're children of light, then? What do I know so far, that is born from the dark? Anything?

........yeah I have no idea if I am reading really really really too far into this but from what I know of games that take inspiration from this and from what osmosis of its Themes has entered pop culture I really don't think I am. (and hell, even if I am, it's super fun)

I don't know if I'm going to have the choice to succeed Gwyn or not but I have a sneaking suspicion that the answer is yes given that the achievements list gives two endings named "To Link the Fire" and "The Dark Lord" (the latter of which... uh... vaguely ominous)

also side note what the fuck is humanity

and also talking about Lords why has no one mentioned the furtive pygmy since the opening cutscene. "so easily forgotten indeed"

Four souls for the Lordvessel: Nito, the Witch, Gwyn in four pieces via the Kings…. and Seath? The dragon? Not the pygmy. What happened to the pygmy.

[rewatched cutscene] "then from the Dark, they came" are those humans. those look like humans.

something is very weird here.

WAIT FUCK corollary to 49

"Then from the Dark, they came" humans. found lords in the flame. are humans are born of dark like lords are of light?

.....well what the fuck does that mean?

if lords=gods, are humans "dark" things that have been ruled by light for millennia? i mean, that's not so bad, light is lovely, big fan of fire, I am a bona fide swamp-dwelling pyromancer fire is my jam 10/10 would solve all my problems with arson wait are we the fucking "dark souls"

I mean we exist during this Age of Fire, but we're also turning undead. A problem the gods don't (?) seem to be having.

…We are afraid of the dark when we do not know what lurks in it.

What if we are what lurks in it?

...........alright now I'm reading too much into this. But I LOVE this kind of lore where things all just feel… kind of off? As if there is some big picture you can't -quite- see.

I am under no illusion these questions'll be answered perfectly in-game, and I'm well aware there are 12 years of figuring all this out for me to catch up on! But damn if it isn't fun to specul-

THE HUMANITY ITEM. IS A FUCKING. BOSS SOUL ITEM. IN INVERTED COLORS.

.........

Gripes:

...not many. But the one thing. My nemesis. In this game. Is the god-damned keyboard menu controls. Look, I get that this was made for controller! I do! But I do not own one! Navigating the weapon/item selection is one thing, I'm [checks steam] 84.7 hours in [...oh god, really?? holy fuck. dear lord.] and have finally gotten a handle on that!

But the button to unequip an item in the equipment screen is the same as the button to switch to inspection in the... item screen. whatever you call it. and I suspect this would actually be the same for controller.

How many times have I unequipped something when I meant to look at it? many. 84.7 hour in, how often do I do this still? usually.

...also I only found that bonfire in Sen's Fortress via combination of friendly player message and sheer dumb luck holy crap that would have been a nightmare y'all didn't need to make them that hidden.

......also it'd be very nice if NPCs had some sort of indicator of their name, or mentioned it more than once. I remember Solaire (...RIP, poor dude found his new sun, I carry his talisman in solidarity) and Quelana (because it's so close to Quelaag) and Eingyi (he's mentioned in an item description and the whole... egg... thing haunted me for ages before I met him) and Sif (because why would you make me kill a good pup, guard dog wolf with sword, best friend, she [? female name in Norse myth, not sure if character is also female] was protecting her master's damned grave she did not deserve this) and for some reason Laurentius (dunno why that one stuck) but everyone else gets monikers. Onionman. Bird Friend. Sad Friend. Blacksmith. Bigger Blacksmith. Deader Blacksmith. Sadder Blacksmith. Cheshire Cat Lady.

(Frampt is remembered now because Gwynevere says his name but in my heart he is still Mr. Teeth.)

..........yeah that's all I got, honestly, I have loved everything else about this game.

WAIT NO

ONE MORE THING THAT I REALLY HATE

so there are all these player messages before female characters with no tops reading "great chest ahead"

ha ha very amusing yes chuckle chuckle

BUT

you know who has a very well-defined chest on full display right there in your face and for whom I have never seen a single "great chest ahead" message?

SMOUGH.

i realize that he is wearing armor but i have no reason to believe it isn't form-fitting and true-to-life. dude may as well be topless. there is no smough boobs appreciation and i will not stand for it.

To conclude, I present two pieces of evidence:

"Since his sores were inflamed by lava from birth, his witch sisters gave him this special ring." - Orange Charred Ring item description

"...the Witch of Izalith and her Daughters of Chaos..." - opening cinematic

Diversity win! Ceaseless Discharge is trans.

[pussyboys-blog]

Write out the flustoration write it out write it out

So I have a bit of a problem if you could call it that its like--it is a problem but I just ughhh

So the thing is I have my two really cool really fun friends that I love and cherish more than anything and anyone, honestly I would kill for these two but aside from that, I have some mildly concerning abandonment issues, that also goes with posessiveness over people that are important to me and a fairly annoying infiriority complex. From these thing I can most of the time look aside from and just have this small sting in my chest but not think about it and it goes away,, but thist time--- OHH this time it hits like a train,,

Thing is that I have this roommate/classmate for over 2 years now and, we are not compatible as roommates who see eachother 24 7 so we had our fair share of fights which resulted in shouting and swearing and hurting eachother,,, and in the past shoolyear Ive had it pretty rough and (even tho we talked about it and realised it was just kind of a misunderstanding) she hurt me a lot and made me close up around her. Im not mad at her im simply scared and unable to act my normal self around her cuz even tho she really wasnt she still was my abuser and made my condition last year a lot worse

So yes this person has always been really friendly and apealing and extroverted to most of our piers and that is fine we have our seperate friendgroups which gives me ease, I mean gave me ease until not so long ago she decided to talk to my friends more and more often, until its kind of bacame a thing that she hanging out with my two friends (spesificly one of them) outside of school which makes me feel really fucking shit my blood boila every time I see them hang out or talk with eachother and my heart leaps with the fear of feeling alone and abandoned. It makes me wanna cry, it makes me question my friends' intentions and feelings toward me, I fear my status in the our small closed trio dropping, I know im really annoying, whiny, not as smart as the others, not as funny and not as pretty as my roommate, and I just think these ppl can find anyone better than me

So I explained to this to one of my two friends (bc of course I have to go out of my way and whine about annoying shit, expose myself as someone who questios thier loyalty for me and once again cry and whine about it like a pathetic little spoiled brat) and of course she tried to reassure me that its okay its nothing like that and even tho they dont know what our other friend is thinking, but probably also that, that yes she is fun to be around and all but they wouldnt like to get to know them more personal, since shes not the kind of person they would befriend, which means a lot to one side of me, but the majority in my mind still rejects all that my friend said, I always felt infirior to all of my friends and my roommates in 84% of the things making me unable to cope with this.

Not to mention I also feel also about telling this to one of my friends (and fear telling it to the other) since I its non of my fucking business who are they talking to and befriending with, and its very wrong of me to have so much hate and fear inside of me for this but i just cant get myself together, and I dont know what will I do

Ill probably end up explaining this to my other friend too since its going to be just the three of us this thuesday afternoon and weekend, cuz maybe if I heard my other friend tell me the same (I dont know what to expect from him, this is something I dont think he can fully understand bc of his low empathy and avoidently attached mindset)

So yeah I wish this woudl all go away and leave me be since its also making my amgerissues resufice and I wont see my psichologist for a fucking month now and summer is fasr aproaching and I dont wanna throw up bc of all the feelings when one of them Will tell me that they met up with my roommate over the summerbreak

so yeah

Good to have a rant page with noone in here