#i spend soooo much time on them
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i think the idea of the ais appearance slowly starting to mimic their freelancers appearances in little ways is so <3333 deltas hair is slicked up at the front like yorks, thetas hair gets slight curls from north and he gets dimples from south, gamma smiles crooked like wyoming, iotas hair is tied up like carolinas, omega gets scars where tex has been 'injured', eta mimics wash as well as carolina but his eyes light up the same way hers do when she smiles, epsilons hair is messy the way washs is rather than the way churchs is. sigma doesnt get any maine traits because he rejects their bond in favour of control. theyre so fundamentally changed by those they care about that becoming one again like sigma intends could never fully work
#rvb#red vs blue#rvb church#rvb theta#rvb epsilon#rvb delta#rvb eta#rvb iota#rvb omega#rvb gamma#rvb sigma#rvb ai#i love the ai so much man#i love thinking about them#i spend soooo much time on them#i have a friend who thinks about the character lore#i think about the ai lore#we balance out#mikeys rvb rambles#mine
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YOU!! *throws this at you* *disappears for another whatever*
I've missed drawing doodles like these lord save me hjgbcvhjgxvhjg very busy busy been lately, so sorry for that, my teachers hate me (/j)
this one has some redesigns to the gang too!! I'll probably update their hairstyles in a post on it's own someday. someday so hopefully in november TwT
#alan becker#animation vs animator#animation vs minecraft#ava#avm#ava blue#ava red#ava green#ava yellow#ava the second coming#ava tsc#ava orange#avm purple#avm king orange#avm mango#avm mango tango#art#artists on tumblr#art on tumblr#stick figure#stickman#aghhhh#i love them soooo much#*trashes around*#if you recognize the image i referenced to draw purple then hey. you spend way too much time on pinterest
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his mastery of multigenerational linguistics <3 <3 <3
#these were both soooo silly i love him so much#honestly props to summer for having no reaction i feel like the typical 17 year old would hurl if their grandfather said slay it queen#OMG and i just remembered in his multiversus lines he called someone a rizzless wonder#dude's got vocab spanning like a hundred years#i just love the way he acts like a kid y'know he's like super immature for his age from being emotionally stunted and spends so much time#with his teenage grandkids he sorta blends in with them at times like ive said it before but he's almost like a third smith child#so he usually doesn't feel like an old man but he is and he has his moments that remind you of that and i fuckin love those too#in conclusion#i am obsessed. sorry#rick and morty#rick sanchez#morty smith#old man brainrot#rick and morty season 4#rick and morty season 6#rnm#r&m#rick & morty#my nonsense
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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I have a meta somewhere I REALLY like about how... Cas is actually off working a lot, even with regards to Jack.
Cas's the motif of the overworked dad--the drained dad (*cough* finale I hate you for this one*). Etc etc. The "He never sleeps unless he's dying," motif of dads. Cas is almost never shown in pajamas, and I think it's not just because he's an angel character...
And like, hmmm, I THINK it's maybe in the beginning of season 14, but when Jack gets sick, he wants to spend time with Cas instead of revealing his illness. The implication is that he hasn't actually spent a lot of time with Cas up to this point.
He doesn't want to "jeopardize the opportunity"... to spend time with Cas!
EDIT:
Yeah! It was 14x03
The sketch of the episode had Cas appraising his hunting skills and field-readiness, a military-minded approach that ended up getting softened in the aired version by Cas making Jack soup to help with his "cold":
Early story arena:
//
Note// In the brainstormed version, Jack also fits in better than expected with the "rebellious Kansas teenagers," (if he fit it with anyone, tbf, it WOULD be the rebellious weirdos). Here, Jack is indeed a full-on "heart" character who even attracts the attention of a girl.
///
Outline:
///
Script:
Jack is moved by this kind of praise from Cas, specifically. After all, Cas is one of the people he takes vital protectorship cues from.
//
And like so. There’s disaster after disaster, Jack runs away in Tombstone… and then Apocalypse World. Jack has spent a lot of time with Mary and AU Bobby!
Then Dean-Cas at the end of season 13…
But not a lot!
#not a slight on cas#the idea of the overworked dad is just soooo devastating on its own really#yes I thought too hard about pajamas to get to this point#but yeah#i love this little bit!!!!#it has the air of awkwardness that was written into the tombstone script and it's so nice!#jack specifically longs for his battle prowess to be validated by CAS and i think that's just so so so soooo interesting#also the long desired opportunity with cas#cas is someone who he respects but it's a little implied that cas's stoic aloofness might be a barrier to them spending time together!!!#if you squint#spn 14x03#jack stuff#jack cas stuff#jack actually craves battle validation from cas!#like in a huge huge way#maybe?#jack's at the bunker a lot#cas recognizes that jack looks up to dean but he does not recognize how much jack looks up to and models some of his stoicness after cas!
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I am a pretty chunky girl with severe nerve damage and back pain from a car accident and I'm also looking for nice office chair that doesn't kill my back. anyone have any recommendations? are gaming chairs comfy? should I just stick with a regular office chair, even if I'm at the computer for long periods of time?
help
#the problem here is that. the options I have to actually SIT DOWN in chairs and test them out is soooo limited it's infuriating.#and also that I don't shit gold dubloons. like. I do NOT have $400 for an office chair :(#but the uhhhh saga of the sinking office chair keeps getting worse#and I just want a fuckin office chair that lasts for more than 2 years if I spend over $150 on it I feel like that's not too much to ask#right?#anyway. if anyone has recommendations I thank you in advance#my shoulder & back are KILLING me now by the end of the week and I'd like not to randomly sink like 90 times a day anymore#erin explains it all
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good ol fashioned razzmatazz
SO I wrote more... :) ive wanted to do a series of scenes from Gideon's life for a while now- moments in time we didn't see in the show. mostly past, maybe some present or future, depending. wanted to explore his life a little more, and the headcanons ive got surrounding it. drabbles is the best way to solve this because i cant write one long cohesive plot very well haha
ive got a handful of ideas in mind but this is the first one that i finished to any degree. just a little scene from his childhood. gideon makes his first sale, and learns something about himself.
‘What are you up to, sweetie?’
‘Shh- it’s a secret.’
Gideon hushed his mother as he ran over to the back door and shoved his face up against it, peering out through the frosted glass window into the car lot. His mother, Florence, turned her attention away from the oven for a moment to squint at him. He was wearing his favorite dress shirt, the dark blue one covered in golden stars- shorts and sandals for the weather, and his long hair was pulled back into a white braid. The sun caught on his hair through the window, and she could have sworn she saw it sparkle. What a strange little boy they had, she thought.
---
She remembers how tiny he was when she first held him, and how odd his shock of white hair had been. Odder still when she first saw the icy blue eyes he had- not like hers or Bud’s, not at all. Neither of them had even heard of what the doctors diagnosed him with before then. Some sort of ‘congenital condition’, for whatever that meant. All that fancy medical talk was a bit out of her area of expertise. All that mattered to her was that their little boy was alive- and now, at least on his way to better health.
Their little Gideon had been much more adventurous these days. Ever since the doctors had given him the OK during his last hospital visit, he’d seemingly been itching to get outside. He hummed loudly, like he was deep in thought.
Florence smiled. She reached over to the fridge.
‘Well, if you aren’t too busy with your secrets, could you do me a favor?’
‘Hm?’ He whipped his head over to look at his mother, who was holding a little tupperware container.
‘How about you go across the lot and take this to your dad for me?’
The wheels turned for a moment, and Gideon perked up instantly.
‘Y’mean it? On my own?’
‘Of course, hon. As long as you’re careful-’
He nodded, a smile creasing his face. Oh- she couldn’t help it, every time he smiled, she smiled too. Surely every mother thinks their child is the cutest kid on the planet, but well… she KNEW hers was. And she knew that they’d been very protective of him these past few months, what with the hospital scare and all. As much as she fretted about his health- she made a mental note to deep clean his room again this weekend- she couldn’t squash that spirit behind his eyes. It couldn’t hurt to let him out on his own for a little bit.
He took the container from her hands and tucked it under one of his arms, nodding solemnly.
‘Ah’ll handle it, ma’am!’ He stood up straight and gave a little salute, his face faux-stern, and she couldn’t help but laugh. He’d been watching too much TV lately, bless him.
She waved him off as he skittered out of the door, turning her attention back to the oven.
---
Gideon shielded his eyes from the afternoon sun. The worst of his sensitivity to it may have gone away with the treatments, but it still got awful bright out in summer. But he’d power through it. After all, he had a mission.
He took off at a run down the winding garden path, rushing through the gate onto the concrete car lot. The weather was hot, but there was that fresh summer breeze blowing in his face that made him glad to be out of his room. He liked it in there plenty- he had books and instruments and more toys than he knew what to do with- but being cooped up in bed for so long had him yearning for the outdoors. He squinted, spying the towering figure of his father through the light glinting off the windows of his work building.
Giggling, he sprinted across the lot as fast as his legs could carry him into the shop.
‘Dad!’ He burst through the door, startling his father. Bud Gleeful whipped around from where he was sat across a little plastic table with a skinny spectacled gentleman, poring over a contract. He wore a battered looking old suit but held himself with an oddly aristocratic air. He seemed out of place on a used car lot.
‘Woah there, sunshine-’ Bud started, his sentence cut off with an oof- as Gideon jumped onto his lap. ‘Heavens, boy! What’s gotten into you?’
Gideon looked up at him- and then across the table to his latest customer. He had put the contract down and was looking down at the two of them, a smile creasing his cheeks. Bud raised a hand, a little embarrassed. ‘Oh my, I’m mighty sorry for the interruption, sir-’
‘Oh, no. It’s quite alright.’ He laughed- he had that fancy city-folk accent, Gideon noticed. He tilted his head to the side to get a better look at him. ‘Now who is this fine little fellow?’
‘Oh, well this is-’
‘Gideon!’ He piped up, folding his hands across his lap with a smile. ‘Gideon Charles Gleeful!’
‘Haha- yep. That’s my lil’ Gideon.’ Bud finished for him, resting one big hand on his son's shoulder. ‘This is my son. Little fella ain’t been too well recently, but he’s lookin’ fit as a fiddle now. Acting it, too! Well now, why’d you rush over here in such a hurry, boy? Does your mother know you’re-’
‘Oh, yeah! I brought ya’ this from mom.’ He held out the container to Bud, who picked it up- turned it over, then hummed in understanding.
‘Hah, oh yeah. I s’pose I did almost forget about lunch, all caught up in negotiatin’.’ He mused. ‘Thank you kindly, sweetheart.’ He leant down to kiss his forehead, which Gideon responded to by playfully swatting him away.
The moment was interrupted then by the man across the table clearing his throat. Gideon and Bud both turned their attention back to him.
‘Mr. Gleeful, I have to be honest- I wasn’t sure if this was the right car for me, a few minutes ago. Forgive me for my bluntness, but I was worried this place might not be… on the up-and-up, if you catch my drift.’ Gideon felt his fathers hand slip off his shoulder, a subtle change in his demeanor.
‘But… well, seeing you here- you seem like a real family man, Mr. Gleeful. Trustworthy. I’m sorry for doubting you.’ He chuckled. ‘I suppose I thought this contract might be too good to be true for a moment there.’
‘Nah, dad’s the best at this stuff!’ Gideon piped up- he felt Bud tense up for a second, about to hush him, but he carried on. ‘I’m gonna learn to sell cars just as good as his, someday! So you can tell yer kids to come buy from me!’
Bud held his breath a moment, but then the customer burst out laughing.
‘Oh- goodness, how sweet. You know what, Gideon? I’ll have to remember that.’
‘That’ll be Mr. Gleeful to you!’
Bud picked him up then, lifting himself out of his chair and carrying his son high up to perch on his shoulder. ‘Okay, that’s enough teasing, boy-’
‘Haha! No, no, he’s got it right.’ The skinny man stood too, pushing his glasses up his nose. ‘You know what? You’ve got yourself a sale, Mr. Gleeful.’
He held his hand out- up, above Bud’s, to Gideon. He grasped it firmly, grinning ear to ear and shook his hand. The gentleman nodded his head, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a crisp 20 dollar bill.
‘Forgive me for being forward- but may I give the young man a commission?’
Bud startled, glancing at it- then back to Gideon- then back to the money. ‘Oh, my- that’s awful kind of you sir, it certainly is! Of course you can.’
Gideon’s eyes lit up. He eagerly took the twenty, held it up to the light- then slipped it into his pocket. He squirmed- a sign for Bud to pick him up and let him down on the floor again- and stood up straight with his arms folded.
‘Thanks, sir!’ He chirped, and Bud leant down to pat the top of his head.
‘Now Gideon, do you think you could let the grown-ups handle the borin’ part of all this paperwork?’ He crouched to smile at his son.
‘Sure thing.’
‘Alright, sweetpea. Don’t spend your money all in one place, y’hear?’
‘Okay, dad!’
His mission complete, Gideon padded over to the door- leant over his shoulder to wave at the man his father was now pushing a pen into the hand of- and left the room.
Stopping on the sun-soaked car lot, he reached into his pocket and felt the dollar again. Thought about the look on that man's face when he gave him the money, for nothing but a few words and a smile. His dad had a pretty easy job, he figured. But he didn’t really understand the whole sales thing- not yet, at least.
---
Gideon would spend the rest of the day playing in the garden- until he got too hot and tired, and retreated back to his shaded room for a nap. He wouldn’t think too much about what happened that day.
But that night, his father would take them out to the diner and boast loudly about how his son- barely in his fifth year!- had made his first ever sale. He’d let him order dessert- seconds, too. And he’d ask Gideon to stop by the lot more often, especially if he wants to learn to be a salesman someday. He was one talented boy, his parents told him. Showered him with that notion, really. He was destined to be a big shot one day with a personality as glowing as his.
'You have a face folks would never say no to!' His father told him. He didn't mean much when he said it- more of a joke than anything. But something about it settled with Gideon, still learning about the world. Nobody would say no to him, huh...?
He figured that sounded pretty nice.
#gravity falls#gideon gleeful#fanfiction#i was going to structure these drabbles as one of those 5+1 things but uh. i couldnt come up w a cohesive throughline#and also idk if ill write all the ones I have planned. so its better for me to just post em whenever I finish one haha#PLEASE ENJOY... this isnt much rly just. a little scene. gideon is a precocious kid people think hes cute#hes sheltered a bit and spoiled. but generally a Real Sweetheart at this age. hes only beginning to learn about the concept of deception#things will undoubtedly Get Worse since this is before he goes to school in my timeline haha#honestly most of this was me wanting to write a lil about gideons parents#i dont think either of them Intended anything bad in their raising of their son. they just wanted their little angel to be happy#but they do end up enabling some things they reeeeeally shouldnt as time goes on#anyway hes gonna spend that twenty on soooo much candy
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SOOO WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT SEASON 4???
(love your art btw!!!)
smeltbracket found dead in this kitchen
#okay in all seriousness though i fucking loved it#hands down favorite episode was earth rake#but also contending is stockiverse and.. Bouillabaisse..#i really love how family focused this season is. dont get me started on tervo. i love how much nicer everyone is to each other#except for them really juicing up korvo’s bitchiness in super gooblers (which i guess was meant to push jesse into her confrontation)#speaking of korvo his voice was a delight this season. just so expressive and is now up there with the rest of the casts distinct voices#i guess trying to ease back into finales that end with a season reset#and why didnt pupa change color??#overall it was pretty fucking great. had black spots in my vision during the invisible kitchen scene#tervo this season was fucking crazy my god what are they gonna do for the valentine special#UGHHH. they really keep raising the bar every season. SOOOO GOOD#this isn’t a very In Depth discussion of my thoughts sorry i need to spend more time in this seasons nooks and crannies#ooh ohh and the replicants this season were so cute too. THEY GREW TOGETHERRR#i liked the shlorp lore and little peeks into their past too#anyways i got sidetracked yeah amazing season#I FORGOT TO MENTION THE ANIMATION#THE ANIMATION THIS SEASON WAS BONKERS DUDE. LOVED HOW FLUID IT WAS AND ALL THE FUN NEW EXPRESSIONS THE SOLARS HAD#THAT SCENE OF THEM SAYING DEENOSAUR WAS LIKE MY FAVORITE EXAMPLE#gonna keep adding as i remember things im glad they wanted to explore jesses character more#but i dont like how they jeopardized korvos character for them to get there#kinda made him backtrack his progress for the sake of that episode :/ just a really big shift i wasnt a fan of#and they didnt make him feel remorse that whole episode either he didnt even say sorry :/#also terry was just chill with chris that whole episode? have we just moved past the hall of betrayals thing?#i guess jesse’s roast about him being sky blue really just set him off for the rest of the season#he needs to talk to someone professional#i feel like solars is a really weird blend of being umm. Emotionally episodic
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objectively i have no reason to feel Weird and Wonky around the holidays. and yet
#love my family love spending time w them love giving gifts soooo much love receiving them even more#love gatherings and seeing people and doing silly things w ppl i love. however#getting removed from the family car insurance plan means i can’t drive and it’s not entirely walkable here#so i’m just like. functionally 15 again#i don’t feel sad. or anything. just odd. like my skin doesn’t fit quite right#also i have had a headache for at least twelve hours straight so i don’t feel very human at all
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(copy/pasting this last paragraph bc i literally hit the mobile image limit tumblr when i get you:)
also. i think chiaki wants in one day after seeing them. nagito is Immensly upset about this but keeps his composure . because now hajime is his knees and that's fine too.. i hink chiaki's trying to be careful to not dirty but hajimes like "u cant garden right if ure too scared of getting kinda dirty! god made dirt and dirt dont hurt ^o^" (this is also how he justifies eating slightly dirted from dropping food. i mean he is a farmboy i dont doubt he wouldnt od that.) LOLL toodles ^w^
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OKAY. so tumblr hates fun and glitched this ask out so i couldn’t answer it but i do not care i Will Answer It.
@spinecurlingmice (@ing you so u get the notif) i could kiss you on the mouth MWWWAH this is gorgeous and lines up so well with things i already have in mind for priest au. literally everything here fits into the canon i have in mind it’s perfect. i’ve been wanting to do more worldbuilding and such but i get really tired (lots of research…. lots and lots of googling) and you’ve done such an important thing for me by finding incredible plant symbolism. mwwah mwah mwah thank youuuu <333 obsessed with a lot of this but this post is long as hell already so it’s tags time
#ask#mice#priest au#i really really love how hajime being there gets nagito to put more effort into the church#through hajime’s sacrifice of his own self worth and determination he betters his community#GOD that’s such good metaphors. also keeping up appearances yumyum#obsessed with your plant choices. dahlias have so much fun symbolism it is SO clever to include them… aren’t they toxic too..#the kmda checking out hnta while he gardens… i actually think hnta would be kind of oblivious to this at first#he always feels like he’s being watched at church. like there’s eyes boring into him at all times#…he must finally be feeling the presence of God!#OH and the cash thing… ur so real#without sharing too much. when kmda inherited the church from his parents he also inherited a fair amount of. tithings.#he likes to keep the church humble so he doesn’t spend too much at first. just keeps the place clean and maintained and pretty#but not like. opulent. fanciest thing in there is the stained glass#but then hajime shows up. and all these little purchases start to appear— and; well; they better the church so it’s justified#hajime being proud of having His Watering Can like a dog boasting about its tags… so good#naming the lily ‘shelby.’ he’s so cute i love him#ALSO HNTA ESSENTIALLY WORKING TWO JOBS…. ‘i’m devoting myself to the lord this is good this is good’ (he is exhausted)#also ‘god made dirt and dirt don’t hurt’ that’s soooo cute. no u don’t understand how cute that is#ohhhhh my little farm boy…. :((( into torment realm you go hurry along now#i need to get some architecture sketches of the town down…. general city plan + some of the important buildings#that’ll be kinda fun to figure out actually
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the retconned timeline is so messed up. what do you mean everyone broke off into pairs and didn't talk to each other for three years
#libra.txt#for one thing it's unrealistic! idc how good of friends you are you NEED to spend time with other people!!!!!#for another it's just sad :(#dave and kanaya have SO much potential. but no!#dave and rose! have been friends for years and are also siblings!! but no!!!#karkat and rose!!!!!!!!!!!!!! karkat and kanaya!!!!!!!!! karkat and terezi!!!!!!!!!! but noooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i think this is also part of why i dislike davekat. like. sighhhhhh#and terezi's missing out on friendship with the mayor!#like i'm glad for pale vrisrezi good for them or whatever. but.#this should've been three years for all of them to get closer#instead of just. well here we are and we didn't spend a single minute discussing battle plans until two hours before the fight!#probably part of why i like mc escher so much. they actually interacted with other people!!!!!!#like. i know i still have a few hundred pages to go before i finish rereading hs (and no i will NOT touch the epilogues / beyond canon w/e)#but. idk. it's just. there's so much wrong. i hate retconning stuff. even though it is very interesting in hs! it is!#and john and roxy are soooo special to me. esp as the only two (besides the denizens but they don't count!!!) to remember#ALSO jake. jake my dear boy. what happened to you.#[head in hands] they're all just kids
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Got to the foefire stuff in gw2
#its so funny having a character who is so heavily tied to Ascalonian ghosts and then shipping him with the guy who has a sword#that can end the curse and is ALSO trying to get rid of it#possible small fic idea of them talking about this i have hcs for why rytlock refused to have Leo do the ritual even tho he kept insisting#also leo being from the priory is so funny bc of rytlocks line about spending a lot of time there#rytleo is soooo real#but otherwise yeah im thinking a lot abt leo's thoughts on the curse aspect as well#its still his major goal#but his reasoning is much more of an empathetic one to the ghost themselves
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not to make another post about loving my girlfriend but I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!
#she's so dsabiduosadas#i just love her so much and everyday with her since we started going out has been amazing but these last few weeks especially so#we spent last weekend at her family's house in the countryside it was soooo good#we were alone and got to play house a little bit watched a ton of dungeon meshi + got to know the little town that she loves so much#and then wednesday was the brazilian version of valentines day which we spent getting take out building the lego flowers i got for her#it was great we both love legos and it was so chill and fun and so us instead of having a fancy dinner or something#oh and she got me a really pretty necklace with my initial on it (and got herself a matching one with her initial)#(we have our own initials cause we're cheesy but not THAT cheesy like having each other's would be a little too much lol)#and then this weekend was amazing#i just love her so so so much#friday i'm gonna go on a trip i had planned since before we began dating and even though it's gonna be fun and i know i'm gonna love it#i'm kinda dreading it a little bit cause it's gonna be two full weeks without her#and those two weeks include my birthday!!!#which i'll be spending in another country without family friends or girlfriend...#i'll be okay though#i won't have her but i'll have the special valentines day edition kuromi plushie she got me today hehehe (she of course has my melody)#and her perfume that i'll use to spray on it... and our couple rings that will arrive tuesday dasodpsadsa#(in brazil it is pretty common to wear rings even if you're just dating someone like most of the people i know asked if there was a ring#when i told them i was about to/had asked her to be my gf. but to me rings are pretty serious so i wanted to wait for a bit#i had told her as such literally in our first date cause she mentioned a friend who got a girl a ring before she was sure the girl wanted t#date her. which she didn't. but then they stayed together. and then the friend asked again. which the girl denied again. but then they#stayed together again. and seems like third time's the charm cause now they're dating fr. lesbians.)#sorry to whoever read all this shit this is too cheesy we're too embarassingly in love
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I made a very cool gate panel at work today and yknow what? maybe i do still like Making Things for a living
#as in i designed it.. not that i actually made and welded a gate panel#tbf this is the 4th iteration of this piece for this customer and i've thought all of them have slapped#but this one.. this one i love#i really hope she approves it#its nothing extremely special#just a new logo for their ranch#but i think it just looks so nice and classy#in other news i have somehow gotten 100% on every assignment thus far in my coding class#while working and spending soooo much time on mabel#anyways i am REBUILDING#i am making HEADWAY#YEAHHHH babeyyy#lea speaks
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there is no feeling worse in the world than missing your grandma :/
#she died two months before my eighth birthday#and every time i realize i’ve lived well over half my life without her i go a little bit insane bc that just doesn’t feel right#like soooo many of my favorite memories are with her how is it possible she was only in my life for less than eight years#my grandpas on both sides died before i was born so all i’ve ever had is my grandmas#and there’s also the horrible guilt i feel all the time knowing my other grandma is still alive but i rarely ever see her#but when i was a kid she lived an hour and a half away from us and this grandma lived around the corner#so we saw her all the time and every christmas fourth of july etc that whole side of my extended family would all go to her house#she moved into that house when my mom was 2 years old and lived there for the rest of her life so 40 years#and when she went into hospice care her one request was to die in that house surrounded by her kids and grandkids so that’s what happened#my parents bought the house after she died but we lived there for less than 2 years before moving to arizona#they’re both from colorado but they met in arizona and me and my sisters were born here#and the main reason we moved back to colorado in the first place was to be near her#but when we moved again my parents sold the house to our neighbors who had two daughters that my sisters and i grew up with#and they’re still our family friends to this day and we used to go on trips to national parks together every summer#we didn’t see them for maybe five years but then two summers ago their older daughter got married and we went to her wedding#which got us talking about how long it had been since our last trip so we went on another one last summer#this has turned into a tangent but it just makes me so happy that they’re still in our lives#and this great family we’ve known almost my entire life is living in my grandma’s house#she had a pool in her backyard which is super common here in az but not so much in colorado#and she let us invite these girls over all the time to swim so they grew up spending almost as much time in that house as we did#last time we were in colorado we went to have dinner with them and swim and it was like being transported back to my childhood#that house is just so special to me and i felt so blessed to be able to go back there since this family bought it instead of strangers#in a perfect world everything would align in a way that would let me buy it when i’m older and have my own family there#i’ve never had a strong attachment to any other house we’ve lived in but that one will always be my grandma’s house in my mind#i just love and miss her so much she was the most amazing grandma i ever could have asked for#my mom still has a lot of her childhood friends on facebook and whenever she would post pictures of me and my sisters as kids#everyone would comment that i looked exactly like my grandma did when she was a kid and that makes me so so happy#anyway. idk. i just miss her sm she was an angel and i’m so happy she was such a big part of my childhood#lj.txt
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Don't take this to mean I don't love end enjoy my freinds as people or that I don't enjoy friendship I'm just having an Autism Stress Moment but i HATE having freinds. I hate that I have to constantly maintain a certain amount of social interaction and closeness or the friendship degrades and the second I turn around and do something with one person I have to do something with another and I hate that I'm constantly guilty about not going out and doing things with people when I do things by myself and I hate that if the friendship degrades I can't do things with or rely on that person anymore and I hate never being fully comfortable or able to relax around people I'm supposed to be close with and I hate feeling pressured to text people who never text me first or invite me to anything and I hate feeling distant but knowing the amount of strain and effort I would need to put in to feel close is just too much for me at the moment sometimes i wish that everyone would just like. Decide they hate me so I can go back to being self regulated and alone
#val chats#i need a certian amount of time alone and i have things i need to do for my education and i have errands to run and im stressed. im stressed#and i spent so much of my life with no freinds and i love my freinds and i want to spend time with them but making plans is so much.#and im so overwhelmed#and i want to make plans for us all to travel somewhere for spring break but i don’t really have a cohesive 'freind group' this year and#some of them fucking hate eachother#and i just cant. you know. but no one will do it for me and so if i want to spend time with people i have to do it#venting#sorry to be whiny im just soooo overwhelmed
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