#i spend over 8 fucking hours on this wth

[vii-doodles]

sää ja mää

[lunarescobar]

‼️ IM VENTING FOR MYSELF; READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION ‼️

4:39 AM

I recently have been in a slump. It’s the same slump I’ve gone in and come out of over and over for as long as I can remember. It’s been a comfort, the slump; lonely and depressing, and cozy. It being one of the few if not the only thing I know will be come back even if it ends; the only way of living im used to. Being young, life changes so quickly. A new friend, a small mistake, one choice can change everything so quickly. so it often gives me solace to rot in my bed.

At this point, I’ve been in a slump for a bit over 8 months. I think I might have developed agoraphobia. Going outside, I just don’t do it. Except for the one, maybe two hours I spend with Henry outside. Henry is a autistic four year old I babysit, and frankly he’s one of my closest friends. Having a responsibility to a commitment I want to fulfill is the only thing that gets me out of the house. I say this not only in regards to my job but as a generalization of the only reasoning that will get me outside. Which has been very very few occasions.

People are scary, what else can I say…

People have always scared and overwhelmed me and I’ve always struggled with my social anxiety. But god, I can’t walk a block now without having a panic attack.

The following paragraphs are vents from a couple months ago. From some moments I fell so so low and perhaps what perpetuated a deeper fear of being in public.

2:34 AM

I can’t get out. I’ve spent my entire summer rotting in my bed.. literally. My apartment is infested with bugs and tasks I should’ve completed months ago…

I know when this slump began.. five months ago. Very rarely have I come out of it. Only once, for a short time, i felt safe and happy. Of course I ruined it.

The few times I haven't been a pitiful lump have been mostly manic episodes… I’m undiagnosed but I’m certain if those times don’t qualify as mania then it’d have to be a psychotic break of some kind. So I’m inclined to label those dates as manic episodes.. I've never talked about what happened then… but I've done about a hg of c0ké at this point so wth!

The first time, well the worst of it, I couldn't breathe. I don’t remember much leading up to when I left the house or after… but I remember the feeling. I felt the overwhelming need to get out. I felt I needed to leave I needed to be alone I needed something that I didn't know I needed, something i wouldn't know what it was till I found it. My skin was itchy, my thoughts zig zagged. I hated myself I hated my dad I hated my mom I hated M I hated my brothers. I hated myself even more for hating all the people who love me. I wanted to die and I wanted to feel pain. But most of all I wanted to be alone.

I was at my mothers house with my best friend , M, who I’m always with. M and me never leave each others side if it isn't for sex, school, work, or rare situations in which we cant both be present. And she wouldn't leave in a situation where I was acting unstable; when I was going from sobing to laughing to yelling in a span of 3 minutes. Disoriated, shaking and pupils huge , I tried to run away. M ran after me, worried; rightfully so.. I took my shoes off to run faster and tested my luck as I crossed streets; threatening suicide if she wouldn't leave me alone.

As I recall these events I feel so shameful. Fuck I need a therapist

She managed to corner me and I went crazy. I screamed rape and help as I kicked and pushed her with all my might. She remained calm, God bless her. Worried and clearly shaken but calm enough to calm me down. It took a long time. In the process, in a attempt to make her mad enough to leave me alone, I tried to say things to hurt her with little restrain't. I hurt her for a long time. Once I calmed down we talked and cried and went home…

My feet were cut as well as my legs and I couldn't look M in the eye the next day..

The second peak was worse.

I don’t remember it well either but from what I remember and from what I’ve been told, I regret that one specific night very much. I had been agitated all day. Alone at M and I’s apartment, I spent the day spiraling in my head.

By the time M got home I was sitting on my bed . Clothes and random things thrown on the floor and on the bed, holes in the walls, and a machete in my hand is what she walked in to.

Things escalated

I again wanted to be alone, I wanted the freedom to do with myself as I pleased. I had contacted my x4n plug before M had arrived in an attempt to find some way to calm myself down.

I said more words perfectly worded to offend and break M, this time with no restraint... She yelled back.

I called her dad

He came. Things escalated more. My mom had to come. I was trapped.

I threatened M’s dad with the machete since it was he who guarded the door. I was being unreasonable. I wasn't being me. And i tried but I couldn't physically be myself or control my actions…

It was scary. I said so many things to everyone in the room, about them, about myself…

Fuck

I'm so scared of myself. Most of the women in my family are hospitalized because they’re not safe to the public or to themselves. I don’t think I’ll be much different…

[groundzero-jpg]

instagram famous™

While drunk, you upload a selfie taken with a sleeping Bakugou on Instagram. You wake up to uncontrollable pings from your phone the next morning. The photo has gone viral. U.A. wants to turn this into a publicity stunt. Bakugou wants to kill you.

Over the course of your studies at U.A, you’d come to the conclusion that accidentally getting sucked into the bakusquad would eventually, probably, become the bane of your existence. From jumping over fences after class instead of using the goddamn open gate, to smuggling stray kittens through the broken lock on Mina’s window “just because”, you’d been dragged through it all.

As usual, your “Again? Where the hell did you guys even-” went unheard as you watched your friends excitedly dig bottle after bottle of alcohol out from Kirishima’s tiny backpack like it was a clown car.

There’s suddenly a cup in your hands.

“To saturday night with the squad!” Mina announces quickly as she thrusts her cup forward, meeting four identical ones in the center as the alcohol flies. Kirishima starts hollering loudly like quiet hours don’t exist, Sero snickering at Kaminari’s imitation of him a moment later. You roll your eyes fondly but resign yourself to your fate as you clink your cup with theirs.

“To saturday night!” you repeat, followed by four cheers.

“Tch,” Bakugou says from beside you. His arms are crossed, no cup in sight.

“C’mon,” You nudge playfully as Bakugou sends you an annoyed look.

“Yeah, c’mon bro!” Kirishima goads as he knocks back a shot, arm slinging over Kaminari’s shoulder. “It might be the last time we get to do this!”

You can’t help but pout. “Don’t say that, Kiri.”

“I don’t care about any of these dumbass extras, but you!” Bakugou growls as he snatches your cup away from you before you can take a sip. “Don’t you remember the last fucking time I let you get drunk?”

Last time? You frown. You try and think back to it through Mina’s snickering but it’s all fuzzy. Blank. Nada. “No?”

Kaminari grins wide and opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, Bakugou’s got his entire hand over Kaminari’s face, blasting him into the opposite wall.

“C’mooooon Katsuki,” you moan as you try and take your cup back, but everytime you reach for it, it gets lifted higher. “We’re graduating soon!”

“Like I give a flying fuck,” Bakugou scoffs as he throws back your entire cup himself in one shot instead.

“Hey!”

When the cup comes down, Bakugou is left panting, wiping the excess alcohol off his lips with the back of his sleeve and leaving you a flustered mess at the sight.

Sero pops up behind you. “Here!” He offers. “A cup of water instead.” The smirk he gives you when your boyfriend isn’t looking says otherwise.

You almost die trying to hold in your snicker.

You spend the rest of the night accepting ‘water’ from Mina, Sero, Kirishima and Kaminari, almost killing yourself trying not to gag at the taste after your 4th cup while simultaneously struggling to maintain your fake-ass facade that it really was just some goddamn water babe, stop hovering!

It’s nearing 2am in the morning when Bakugou finally starts nodding off on the couch, his usual 8:30pm bedtime catching up with him. He leaves the group with one last threat before he lets himself. “You fuckers better not draw on my face or some shit or I’ll fucking kill you.”

You’re fucking tipsy out of your mind but you’ve always been a good actress. “Aw babe,” You laugh, snuggling into his side and doing your best to act like you’re normal even though your vision is starting to blur. “I won’t let them.”

He looks at you for a moment through squinted eyes, almost suspiciously, before he grunts. “Wake me up if you go back to your room. I’ll walk you.”

For a moment, you almost feel bad tricking him, but then you remember what he did to your cat plushie the last time you woke up earlier than him and made him cuddle with it instead so you could get up to pee.

“Love you,” you say sweetly. He just grunts in response before closing his eyes.

Five minutes later, he’s out like a light.

“Drink! Drink! Drink!” the boys mouth silently, taking turns slapping you on the back as Mina hands you a cup of straight vodka, silently hollering as you down it and finally, finally this time, openly gag.

As it progresses far into the night, everyone starts dropping off one by one like flies - Mina on the other couch, Kaminari half under the coffee table, Kirishima on the floor hugging his backpack and Sero hugging Kaminari’s foot. Somehow, you’re the last person standing.

“To my best friends,” you whisper to yourself, giggling uncontrollably as you knock back a final shot. You can’t even walk straight as you stumble over towards each of them, pressing a kiss to all of their cheeks before you finally reach your boyfriend.

He looks almost peaceful while he’s asleep, head nodding off to one side. The usual scowl on his face is nowhere to be seen as he lets out soft snores. You smile to yourself once more before you drop next to him on the couch, curling into his side and under his arm where it’s nice and toasty warm. His arm automatically tightens around you. Everything is spinning.

Before you even know what you’re doing, you’ve got your phone pulled up, front camera facing the two of you as you press your face into his neck, snuggling closer.

Snap!

How you even had the hand-eye coordination to press your thumb to the right button while intoxicated was a mystery.

When you look at the picture, your eyes start watering for no reason, heart swelling with nothing but drunken affection for the boy next to you. There’s only one thought in your mind, repeating like a mantra in your head: The press is all wrong. Katsuki’s nothing more than a grumpy kitten! The world must know!!!!

The Instagram app looks much more complicated than you remember. Too many filters. Too many buttons. Why is the upload button moving?

It takes you four tries to press it, but when you finally do, you, too, are out like a light.

💥 💥 💥

Ping! Ping! Ping! ...Ping! Pingpingpingpingpingping! Ping! Pingping! PING!

“Babe, that better not be your fucking phone!” Bakugou curses as he sits up abruptly, jostling you awake as you’re forced upwards too, having had your head on his chest just a moment ago.

“What?” You moan. There’s a sharp pain as you curl forward to clutch your head. “Owww, fuck. Don’t talk so loudly.”

There’s a groan from somewhere on the other side of the coffee table.

“What the-” Bakugou stops in the middle of trying to drown your pinging phone in a pile of blankets to turn to look at you in disbelief instead. “Are you hungover?!”

Suddenly, last night hits you like a truck.

“W-What? No, of course not!” you deny, straightening up a little too quickly. Bakugou growls as your sharp wince says otherwise.

“I told you not to fucking drink!”

“I didn’t drink!”

“Are you stupid?!”

“Guys,” Sero moans from the floor, sounding like he’s on the verge of passing into the afterlife. “Not now.”

Ping! Ping! Ping!

“Bakubro, please,” Kaminari pleads. You can’t even see his head from where it’s under the coffee table. “I don’t care whose phone that is. Burn it.”

You’re all a fucking mess. The sun outside is too bright.

“No, stop! I’ll turn it off,” you groan as you force Bakugou to hand it over. Your bleary eyes can’t even focus properly as you unlock it through sheer memory of where all the buttons are. But halfway through entering your phone password, your entire phone freezes, displaying a screenful of Instagram notifications that all say the same thing.

You almost choke on your spit.

Instagram 2m ago james0589, uabigfan, and 2,382,475 others liked your photo.

Instagram 3m ago allmight4ever commented on your post: “Is this the same guy who had to be chained down at the UA sports festival?!”

Instagram 5m ago sarahjj42 commented on your post: “wth he looks like a completely different person when he’s sleeping! so cute!”

Instagram 8m ago ultimefresh1997 commented on your post: “are they dating????”

Instagram 7m ago ground.zero.fanpage and 8,491 others followed you.

Instagram 21m ago yuptideofficial and 6,362 others followed you.

Next to each notification is a tiny version of the same damn picture over and over again. It’s so small that you can barely make it out. You don’t even remember taking the stupid picture, but it’s unmistakable.

Your wide-eyed face says it all.

“Give me that!” Bakugou snarls, finally running out of patience and snatching it out of your hand before you can even react. The moment he scans the contents of the screen, his eyes are as wide as yours. “What the hell?!”

“Oh my god,” Mina cackles from the other couch as she stares at her own phone. “Oh my god!”

“What?” Kirishima asks as he sits up sleepily. “What are you guys laughing at?”

“Guys, please. It’s not even eight yet,” Sero groans. “It’s too early, goddammit.”

“Not early enough for this!” Mina cackles as she shoves her phone into Sero’s face. The bright screen has him shielding his eyes for a moment before the words on the screen register in his brain. His jaw drops.

Your phone pings again.

Instagram 30 seconds ago official.pinky has liked your photo.

“What did you do?!” Bakugou snarls as he grabs the front of your t-shirt.

You smile sheepishly as you rub your hands together weakly to ask for forgiveness. Because god damn, you’re going to need it. “I... I kind of don’t remember?”

It’s silent for a moment before Bakugou explodes. “THIS IS WHY I TOLD YOU NOT TO DRINK!!”

💥 💥 💥

You really thought the two of you had already done everything there is to possibly do together.

You two had broken into the teacher’s lounge in the middle of the night before to make pancakes and then make out afterwards when the stove in the dorms had broken down for God’s sake.

But sitting side-by-side at the principal’s office surrounded by All Might, Present Mic, and Aizawa staring down at both of your phones opened up to your respective Instagram accounts has proven you wrong.

Your phones sit innocently on Nezu’s desk like they’re trying to shame you. You can’t believe All Might is looking at your Instagram account. You sink lower into your chair.

@ officialgroundzero | 15 posts | 2.8m followers | 7 following @ official.yn | 128 posts | 2.6m followers | 84 following

Principal Nezu looks simultaneously disappointed as fuck and highly amused at the same time.

“So according to your memory, you only had approximately 400 followers prior this morning? And this is the first photo of its kind on either of your accounts?” Nezu clarifies, rubbing his chin in deep thought as he reaches out a paw to scroll through your account once again. They’re all photos of either food, or you and your friends messing around. You just wish you’d deleted the video of you and Kaminari twerking in the classroom from last year.

Bakugou scoffs from beside you. “She has shit memory.”

“Not true!” You hiss.

Present Mic leans over your head to peer at your phone screen as Nezu scrolls through. “Well a majority of the comments seem to be positive feedback! That’s the best outcome we could have hoped for, am I right?”

Aizawa sighs and rubs his forehead. “It’s too fucking early for this.”

“But look, young Bakugou’s publicity has been positively impacted as well.” All Might adds. “Two point eight million followers is an amazing feat on its own!”

Bakugou would deny flushing red at the positive attention from his childhood idol, but it happened, okay. If only it was socially acceptable to snatch your phone out of the principal’s hand to take a picture of the rare sight.

Suddenly, Nezu slams his paws on the table, startling the both of you. There’s a scary grin on his face. “Let’s test a theory.”

Two minutes later, the five of you are huddled around Bakugou as he scrolls through his phone’s photos, scowling and grumbling in embarrassment every once in a while when a particularly domestic or cheesy photo of the two of you comes up.

“Ooh, what about this one?” Present Mic asks excitedly as he singles out a picture of the two of you that Kirishima had taken at the park a few months ago. It’s blurry, because it’s the two of you on one of those spinning wheel contraptions, except you’re screaming and holding on for dear life while Bakugou is using his quirk to make it spin at ungodly speeds.

“No, not good enough,” Nezu exclaims, hyperfocused as he continues the search. “We need better!”

“What the fuck is this even for,” Bakugou mutters under his breath as he continues to scroll at Nezu’s insistent demands.

“Your good publicity!” Nezu hisses. “Now keep looking!”

If Bakugou had cat ears, they would’ve flattened to his skull.

All Might and Aizawa end up suggesting two more photos, but apparently, a picture of a bouquet he’d gotten you for Valentine’s day last year and a picture of you decorating the classroom’s chalkboard in hearts with Bakugou’s name in them still weren’t good enough.

It’s only when Nezu slams a paw down on Bakugou’s wrist five minutes later, startling the shit out of him, does he find the perfect picture.

“This one,” Nezu says evilly.

💥 💥 💥

“This filter looks better, in my professional opinion,” Present Mic sniffs. “But go off, I guess.”

Present Mic gets shushed violently as you continue adjusting the colours and the lighting until it’s aesthetically pleasing with just the right amount of focus. You stick your tongue out as you work, ignoring the way Bakugou grumbles everytime you change something. “And... there!”

Nezu grins taking the phone from you to marvel at your work as if it was him who’d just spent the last 15 minutes perfecting the crap out of that photo. “It’s perfect!” He exclaims. “The perfect display of youthful high school romance, a budding relationship between two young adults on the verge of entering the real world! But simultaneously, the perfect amount of anonymity and mystery, opening up the opportunity to build on your individual fame as upcoming pro-heroes, not to mention U.A.’s reputation! This is the perfect first photo!”

You and Bakugou exchange scared looks.

Nezu grins. “Young Bakugou, if you would do the honours,” he says like Bakugou has an option to choose not to when in fact, he really, really doesn’t.

He sighs as he reaches out to press the upload button.

Immediately after it uploads, it’s followed by ten pings in a row before it’s finally his phone’s turn to freeze completely.

Nezu laughs maniacally.

“Babe, I’m going to kill you,” Bakugou wheezes. You manage to jump out of your chair just as he explodes it into a million pieces.

“KATSUKI!” You scream.

“Forget the chair!” Nezu yells excitedly. “Look at all these likes!”

💥 💥 💥

The walk is almost silent as the two of you shuffle across campus back to the dorms. Bakugou just wants to burn something or hurt someone or something, because what the hell had just happened?

He’s startled out of his thoughts by your hand on his bicep. Unprepared, he stumbles backwards, right into your arms. You use the momentum to press a giant kiss onto his cheek.

Snap!

Wh-

“Well, that’s the next Instagram photo taken care of,” You grin cheekily before you take off, suddenly sprinting across the field to get away.

“I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!”

💥 💥 💥

A look into Bakugou’s Instagram account, 6 months later:

[lovemesomesurveys]

Are you “with” the very last person you kissed?  No.

Ever dated/kissed a someone with the name Casey, Tyler, Ryan, Jordan, Colton, Rebecca, Samantha, Lauren, Taylor, or Ashley? Nope.

Was your last kiss, standing up, sitting down, or lying down? Sitting down.

Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? I have a lot of regrets.

Are you excited for anything? For cooler weather and spooky time.

Do you hate the last person you kissed?  No.

You’re stuck in an elevator with one of your worst enemies, what do you do? I don’t have any known enemies, and they will probably leave me alone because I’ll look like a freak show having a panic attack in there because I’m claustrophobic. <<< Saaaame. D:

Will this weekend be a good one? It’s barely starting, so we’ll see.

Are you mad at someone right now?  No.

Do you like to listen to the radio in the car? My parents and brother all play their Spotifys in their cars. It’s been a few years since I’ve listened to the radio.

Do you sleep with a fan on?  Yeah. During the summer months I sleep with 3: ceiling fan, tower fan, and table fan.

How is your hair right now?  It’s up in a messy bun.

Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? No.

How many windows are open on your computer?  Just one.

How tall are you?  5′4.

Is something bothering you?  When isn’t there...

Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? No.

Have you ever laughed at something that wasn’t meant to be funny? Nervous laugh, yes. 

Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex “Fuck you”?  Not to their face.

Do you like to cuddle? I don’t have much cuddling experience, but sure.

Have you done anything sneaky lately?  No. I don’t sneak around, no need to.

Is your hair clean?  Yeah.

Last night, did you go to sleep smiling? I don’t go to sleep smiling.

Were you happy when you woke up today?  I always wake up feeling like a zombie. 

What are you drinking right now? Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Always.

Does someone have feelings for you?  Not romantic feelings, no.

Have you ever been cheated on?  No.

Are you hard to please?  I don’t think so.

What are you craving right now?  Nothing at this moment.

How are you feeling right now? Tired. My sleep schedule has been even worse the past couple days. I’ve only had 8 hours collectively of sleep. I don’t know how I’m awake.

What are you sick of? Feeling the way I’ve felt the past few years and going through the stuff I’ve been going through. And summer, damnit. It’s fall, but California hasn’t received the memo apparently.

Are you missing anyone/something?  I’ll always miss my loved ones who have passed away.

Relationship to the last person you called? She’s my mom.

Is there anybody you just wish would fall of the planet? No. Jeez, the previous survey asked if I wanted to push someone off a mountain.

Do you wear glasses?  Yes.

Where did you sleep last night?  In my bed, as per usual.

Do you straighten your hair? I haven’t in a few years.

What color shirt are you wearing?  Black.

Do you have a best friend? My mom.

Do you wish you had the chance to go back in time and change something now?  Yes.

Who is the last person you got a text from?  My mom.

Are you excited for winter?  I’m looking forward to fall and winter for the weather and holidays.

When are you at your happiest? Uhhh.

Is there anything you wish you did today? Why haven’t you done it? It’s only 5:23AM.

Do you prefer to spend your time indoors or outdoors? Indoors. I’m not outdoorsy at all unless I’m at the beach.

What were you doing before you started this survey?  Another survey.

Can you honestly say that you love yourself? No.

How many people have you kissed? Three.

Do you just feel awkward when you dance? Yes. I don’t do much dancing.

Do you think you spend too much time feeling upset? I absolutely have spent too much time being upset.

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? Wth is with all the questions wanting to hurt people?

Do you own a pair of uggs?  No.

What are your plans for tomorrow? Same stuff as always.

Has the person you have feelings for ever told you that you’re attractive? I don’t have feelings for anyone in that way.

Can you get over people easily? Someone I’ve had feelings for? No.

How was your weekend?  It’s barely starting.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?  Yeah. How do you feel right now? Tired.

Do you hide your feelings or show them? It really all depends on the situation and who I’m around at the time. <<< Same. I will say I’m not as good at hiding them anymore like I used to be.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair? Long, although shorter hair would be so much easier to manage.

What is the last thing you cooked today?  Ramen.

What do you always take with you? A mask. I don’t go anywhere anymore except to my doctor appointment once a month and I don’t like taking anything with me except for my mask.

Last person you drove around in a car with? My mom.

Do you think relationships are hard? They can be.

What are your plans for this weekend?  Nothing out of the ordinary.

Any friends who are constantly venting about their significant other? I’ve had friends who did that in the past.

Have you ever been ice-skating? No.

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep?  Yeah. It feels like forever since it’s rained here.

Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? Yes.

Do you like Fuze drinks? I haven’t had it since I was a teenager. I honestly forgot about those, are they still around?

Did the end of Hamilton make you sad? I haven’t seen it, yet. I’ve been kinda wanting to since it came out on Disney+ to see what all the hype was about.

Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? No.

Do you obsessively apply lip-gloss or lip balm? No.

Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else?  No.

What’s your most noticeable flaw? There’s so many to choose from.

And what’s your best feature?  I don’t feel I have any.

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb?  Nooo.

When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it? It really depends on who is lying and what it’s about.

Have you ever hallucinated? No.

Do you find serial killers fascinating?  Fascinating certainly isn’t the word, but I watch shows about them because I’m interested in the psychological aspect.

Do you like Musicals? Some.

Is your hair damaged? I’ve been told it’s pretty healthy even though it’s been bleached and dyed a lot.

Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? No.

Who was the last person you threw out of your life? That wasn’t the plan, but I ended up pushing everyone outside of my immediate family away. I became very distant and withdrawn. 

Are you wearing socks?  Always.

Do you regret something you did yesterday? I wish I had said some things to my doctor during my appointment, but of course I thought of it after the fact. 

When was the last time you cried?  A couple days ago.

Why were you crying?  Bleh.

What’s the last thing you ate?  Ramen.

What kind of bottoms are you wearing? I’m wearing leggings.

What do you hear right now? An ASMR video.

How many hours did you sleep last night? I’ve only slept a total of 8 hours the past couple days. 

Is something bothering you right now? Of course.

In the past week have you gotten sick? This past Monday my stomach was bothering me and I felt nauseous all day.

In the past week have you felt stupid? I mean, that tends to happen on a daily basis, so... <<<

In the past week have you got your hair cut?  No. I haven’t had my hair trimmed since February.

What were you doing at 9 AM this morning? It’s only 5:44AM, but hopefully by then I’ll be asleep.

In the past week have you felt sad? Of course.

Has someone disappointed you recently?  Just myself.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?  Yes.

If you could pack up and move, would you? Yes. My family and I really want to.

Do you hate when people smoke around you? I can’t be around cigarette smoke, it makes me sick. Like, I’ll feel dizzy and nauseous, my head will hurt, and my heart rate increases

Who have you texted in the last 24 hours? My parents.

[girlbookwrm]

MEMECEPTION:

THE MIGHTY PRE-ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES

happy galentine’s day. we did this, like, a week ago for The Roommate ( @goteamwin ) ‘s birthday and i just took f o r e v e r to type it up sorry

in my defense, it’s hard to meme-efy a movie that’s already extremely meme-eful. Hence, memeception. although tbqh if Guardians of the Galaxy is giving me trouble because it’s already making fun of itself, I don’t know WHAT I’m going to do with Thor: Ragnarok. Remember when GotG was the memiest Marvel movie? We were so young.

It is important to me that y’all know that because of cacw, whenever The Roommate and I see any kind of... title page? whatever? We bellow the word at top volume even if the font ISN’T inexplicably filling the entire screen. 

and so, I say to thee:

E A R T H ! ! ! 1 9 8 8 ! ! ! ! !

stealth reagan in the background to let you know it’s the 80s in case you were confused.

In What Sense is he like his father At All???

Honestly, to anyone who was surprised at Starlord’s actions in IW, they set up his tragic flaw right here. it’s page one. i don’t know why u were surprised.

B- grandfathering, but extra credit for difficult circumstances. u tried

Day Whatever, I Still Miss The Old Marvel Logo.

26 Y E A R S L A T E R

so, 2014 confirmed, for all the other timeline enthusiasts out there.

This is. The WEIRDEST gadget.

why is it like this

what is it doing

and how

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

I love this scene because up until this point it could be literally any other marvel movie and then 

BOOM

it’s GotG, bitch. get ready to Have Some Fun.

also it pretty firmly establishes that Peter Quill is our protagonist, but he is No One’s Hero.

there are giant fucking eels here? what the fuck? what HAPPENED to this place???

stop trying to make star-lord happen, it’s never going to happen.

i have questions. 

specifically about Ronan’s whole. everything.

Is he literally sleeping in the blood of his enemies?

is it necessary to have all these people help him get dressed?

what is up with this Immortan Joe Esque powder tossing business

what sorry sucker gets to put THAT on their Kree Resume

“Ronan’s Makeup Artist”

seriously

what is his fucking deal. how did he get the name “accuser” and will Captain Marvel give us these answers?

anyway, moving on.

POOTER!

people DO NOT call you star-lord

Gamora is a real #Icon in this whole scene.

SUPERHERO LANDING!

love that Rocket’s entire plan is to put criminals in a literal bag

and that it’s foiled because Groot doesn’t get gender.

also, John C Reilly has some of the best lines in this movie and I think he deserves more recognition for that.

“I am Groot.” “That’s gonna wear real thin real fast”

WEIRDLY NO??? srsly how did they prevent that from getting old fast?

Me: was it witchcraft?

The Roommate: No, it’s just Groot.

can we appreciate that Gamora is One Of Us? like. She’s into that.

if you don’t know what I’m talking about i am not going to explain it

Don’t Worry About It.

the moment we all went ho lee FUCK ANDY DWYER??? YOU GOT RIPPED MY DUDE YOU GOT FUCKING HUGE

oh no they gave me feelings about Rocket

the real hero of this movie is that prison lady and her telenovela

good job drax u found ur light

Rocket’s Bedhead is An Entire Mood.

how can Thanos take you seriously with all that shit on your face you look ridiculous.

“my favorite daughter” DUDE NEBULA IS R I G H T. T H E R E.

 Rocket’s UGH face is also An Entire Mood

i love how the others are like. wanting to get out. but Drax just joins in for shits and giggles? like? he’s having a good time? wholesome.

“Oh. yeah.” Rocket is maybe explosion-sexual. which. ok yeah mood there as well.

I will never tire of the fact that the prison uniform prints their rap sheets on their legs and Quill’s is the shortest

like, it’s even shorter than Rocket’s. And let’s remember that Rocket is definitely less than 20 years old since he’s A Raccoon.

Rocket just casually putting bombs together just to have something to do with his hands.

Let’s pull this apart: No one is phased by the Jackson Pollack reference. They seem to know exactly what Quill is talking about.

Jackson Pollack is an alien. CONFIRMED.

oh hey it’s a dark elf

GROOT: CINNAMON ROLL, 2 GOOD FOR THIS WORLD 2 PÜR

“he killed my parents in front of me.” I mean. kkkkkkinda

The Gal Pal, who teaches English Language Learners: “Sticks up their butts” is actually a prime example of the ELL struggle and why English is hard to learn

Rocket one drink in is sad AND angry

oh yeah? how many friends do YOU have, petey boy?

We firmly believe that the Collector kept them waiting so he could do his hair. He truly is the Grandmaster’s brother.

oh hey it’s exposition time

wait is that the planet we were on earlier? is the power stone why it’s Like That? did they just leave the power stone there after it did that? it’s the reality stone all over again honestly what the fuck

whAT DO YOU STILL HAVE IT FORRR?????

seriously. “the accuser” is a hell of a name.

aw drax. don’t you hate when you realize that someone means more to you than you do to them.

it’s like bumper cars but there’s a winner!

spinal fluid is an extra gross way to drown

omg it’s the frog all over again SHE’S EVEN GREEN

Quill’s eyes here are red and that feels right but also I HATE IT

everyone thinks they’re Groot’s dad, when in fact Groot is everyone’s dad.

This whole argument/discussion scene is Solid Gold

12% of a plan

IT’S REAL

Rocket understanding everything Groot says

basically Rocket tbh

“To Give A Shit”

The Roommate: I feel like this is when Quill becomes Quill instead of the superhero Andy Dwyer imagined. 

wait did they say sakaaran???

freaking Glenn Close wth man

Random Extra #2056 has amazing hair and she knows it

Drax is having too much fun

Honestly I’m typing this up and in my notes it just says “And This Happened” and even I don’t know what I mean there

Honestly, they had to kill Yondu. He’s too powerful. Thanos wouldn’t have stood a chance

“Star-Lord” oh my god it’s happening.

the way peter slides around in this movie -- does he have ball bearings in his ass or what?

Groot’s Smile. TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD TOO PURE

“YOU STAND ACCUSED” OF? WHAT??

Bucky and Nebula would really get along. I hope they get to meet some day.

More Questions About Ronan “””THE ACCUSER??”””

did he spend the last few hours just like

“ugh he WAS familiar”

“where the FUCK do I know him from ugh ugh ugh”

“OH RIGHT! I DID KILL HIS FAMILY!”

“Their screams were pitiful”

“I should tell him that.”

WE! ARE! GROOT!

Did they not evacuate the city? wasn’t that a thing?

EYYYY THEY SAID THE NAME OF THE THING

oh buddy you need like. all the skin cream.

Gamora = Peter’s Mom?? REALLY? YOU JUST WENT AHEAD AND MADE THAT SUBTEXT... TEXT. ALRIGHT. YOU WENT THERE. OK.

So is Ronan... not mortal???

like, he says 

Anyway.

How much time has passed between the battle and this end scene? coupla weeks? months? What are we thinking? I need to know for timeline reasons.

[starsgivemehp]

Stole a meme

Rules: Tag 20 followers you’d like to get to know bruh that is way too many people. Just whoever.

Tagged by: I stole it from @victoryhound Name: Samantha Nicknames: Sammy, DunkedOn, I have just been called ‘stars’ once Gender: Female Star sign: Gemini Height: 5′5′’

Sexuality: shot version: ace lesbian. long version: autochorissexual homoromantic Hogwarts house: I go back and forth between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Recently I’ve been feelin’ the Hufflepuff Favorite animal: Cats! Average hours spent sleeping: 7-8 Dogs or Cats: Caaaats. But dogs are ok as long as they don’t lick me Number of blankets I sleep with: 1, son. It’s Florida it’s too hot for more. Dream trip: Fraaance. Or Japan! Or possibly London Dream Job: fiction writer When I made this account: Oh geez... it was like... February maybe? Why I made this account: I’d been trying to get into tumblr RPing for a while but it never really worked?? I had a few before this. But this time I decided ‘okay, fuck it. all my friends really like my Red portrayal so I’m trying this and if it doesn’t work out, I guess tumblr just wasn’t meant to be.’ And now I have 300+ followers 8,D I can’t believe it tbh # of followers: 317 as of now~! Reason for my url: I have always liked making my url something that my character would say. An indicator of something about them. That’s why my England account over on dA was MySconesAreDelicious, and my previous (failed) multi-Sans one was GetMcDunkedOn (I wanted to use GetMcFreakinDunkedOn hut it was too long). And one of my fave things about Red is the story of how he almost fell down, but going to the wishing room and thinking of the stars literally brought him back from the brink and saved his life. So it’s StarsGiveMeHP, as in ‘stars give me HOPE.’ A reason for Red to keep going. And I thought that it was perfect for him.

Bonus! my other blog titles:

@thegreatandintimidatingboss: honestly I had yet to solidify him much at that point and couldn’t think of anything else

@missingmorethanmyskull: A dry humor statement from the resident apathetic hungry boy, Arum, talking about how he’s lost quite a bit of his ‘self’ as well as that chunk of skull.

@kotovinblue: kotov syndrome = a chess term, named after a Russian player (Kotov). It means when you spend a long time thinking about the right move and how to execute a plan, and then when time runs out you panic and make a bad move instead. ‘blue’ is just referencing that it’s more about Legall (my swap Sans) than Prise (his bro). Though that doesn’t really hold true anymore... they share the stage. Anyway their whole verse is heavily revolving around chess themes and I wanted to reflect that in the URL.

@abrokenheartdisease: It’s actually a line from One Headlight - The Mayflowers. I immediately felt a deep connection between Daemon (the Papyrus) and this song while planning him out. The first lines go:

So long ago i don’t remember when, That’s when they say I lost my only friend. Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease, As I listened through the cemetery trees.

Now, his brother (Howl) is not dead, but he is pretty broken, and also they are separated so it’s as if Howl is dead. And just... the song holds many emotions for him and... urgh I just love it. So I made that the URL.

@anevendarkerplace: (I know, her blog is still NOT DONE, urgh I gotta get on that). Song lyrics, again. This time from the English version of the theme song for Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni (Higurashi: When They Cry) It’s such a dark and creepy and bloody anime and I adore it, plus a lot of the lyrics really fit Chaos. So for this there was:

My own fingers stained wth red, tangle up with yours instead I’ll take you far away, to an even darker place. In the forest with no end, the cicadas cry again, And when the sky goes black, there’s no more turning back.

Now there are way more fitting lyrics but that one seemed the most ideal for a URL, so that’s what I picked.

Wheeeeee~

[hangonimevolving]

Camp NOLA

In accordance with a family tradition that appears to have formed over the last 3-4 years, I took the kids on our annual weeklong trip to my beloved hometown of New Orleans last week.  The last few years, I’ve found myself running there every 2nd week of August, in that summertime Black Hole period between the end of the kids’ school-based summer camp, and the start of the new school year.  A week at Ajima and Thatha’s house has become its own little summer camp to our crew: Camp NOLA :)  

This year, I’d be flying there on my own with the two kids, while Dr. Spouse stayed back to complete an on-call week before flying out for the second weekend.  My first experience flying solo with the crazies was on our first official Camp NOLA week in 2015, which I blogged about here - that time we traveled earlier in the summer, between the school year’s end and the start of summer camp.  But same basic idea.  Anyway, since that first brave voyage, I’ve traveled a shitload of times with both kids on my own, and I like to think I’m kind of an old pro at it by now.  It’s gotten significantly easier, in many ways, now that both kids are independently mobile and fairly reliable walking and holding hands in crowded airports, managing security checks expertly, and all that - just earlier this year, we started traveling without a stroller, and it was like the heavens parted and rays of light streamed down around me from the heavens.  Oh, to have the freedom to breeze through security without having to disassemble a stroller and manage all the stuff, only to put it all back together on the other side of the metal detector!  To skip, hop, and sashay directly into the aircraft from the jet bridge, without having to unstrap the kids, bark at them to stand aside so other people can pass while I sweat and heave and disassemble the thing for the cargo hold!  Life has changed.  

The kids are pretty good fliers, but certain people (ahem, DEY) are still a little bit rambunctious and animated in the airplane.... sigh.

Time spent at my parents’ house is always fun for the kids.  Vev frequently, and in great descriptive detail, talks about all the reasons why he likes my parents’ house better than our own.  I am simultaneously touched and miffed by his honesty.  But I know why it is they love the place.  Aside from the obvious, awesome thing that my parents’ house has going for it - MY PARENTS - the kids also just love to sort through all the random crap that they have, most of which dates back to my own childhood.  My pack rat parents have thrown very little away when it comes to my old toys, books, and childhood accoutrement, and this delights the kids to no end.

Take, for example, Vev’s infatuation with my Lego cargo airplane set, which I probably acquired when I was around 8 years old, and managed to preserve in its box still fully assembled (thank god - b/c I likely wouldn’t be able to put it together now!)

Dey had a great time building and demolishing and rebuilding a hospital from one of my sister’s Lego sets:

Another relic of my childhood, which Vev enjoyed creeping me out with on the daily: my childhood rocking chair, which still lives in my bedroom (this is despite the fact that I didn’t not actually grow up in the house where my parents currently live; clearly, they never got rid of the chair, despite them having moved 2 times since I was a kid, the last time when I was in my 20′s).  The chair is the perfect size for Vev, and every morning, early in the wee hours, I’d open my bleary eyes, and immediately see this:

Such a creeper, that kid.

 My dad, in his perpetual hyperness, did a generous (and kind of crazy) thing, and sprung for two expensive mountain bikes for the kids.  I was kind of bewildered that he’d done that, when they’re going to outgrow these bike sizes so fast, and there’s also no easy way for us to transport the bikes back here to Florida... but, he’s an excited grandfather, so I guess he exercised his prerogative to spoil his grandkids rotten.  The kids honestly LOVED their bikes, and went on twice-daily bike rides in the neighborhood park.

Dey had actually never ridden a bike prior to this, and he rapidly gained skill in it over the week - although he picked up the skill of speed far quicker and more easily than he has the skill of steering.  It’s a nerve-wracking situation.  Oh, and he refused to wear a helmet.  So, yeah - he’s all over the place.

One of the kids’ favorite things about stays at Ajima’s house are the relaxed sleeping arrangements and bedtime routine... which is to say, there really wasn’t one.  They were staying up waaaaay past their normal bedtimes at home, and sleeping either with each other or with me in my bed.  Sleep deprivation and bad sleep hygiene are hallmarks of our summer NOLA getaways.  They didn’t really seem to be affected by this, but I was fucking exhausted the entire stay.

NOLA means beignets!!!!!  Hurray for fried carbs and mountains of sugar!!!

This NOLA trip was even more special than usual, because my uncle A and aunt N (father’s youngest brother and his wife) were visiting my parents from India, so we got to catch up with them and spend lots of quality time.  It was also wonderful to have not one, but TWO Ajimas and Thathas around the house for child entertainment, conversation, and feeding.  Glorious!  We spent a few evenings of their stay going through some old home videos that my mom recently had converted to DVD.  The stills below are from a 1994 trip to India that my family took to spend time with relatives.  The weird looking preteen in the awkward head scarf and navy striped get-up is yours truly :)  And the lady in the green sari is my paternal grandmother, Rajalakshmi (nickname Mani).  We lost her very suddenly and heartbreakingly in May 2002, and none of us have quite gotten over how she was yanked out of our lives... it was poignant but wonderful to see her again on film, looking so animated and full of life.  My dad and uncle sat in silence, watching these videos for hours.....

After about six days of being relative homebodys, playing with tons of old but dear toys, hanging out wth Ajima, Thatha, Thatha A and Ajima N, Thursday rolled around and Dr. Spouse arrived.  The kids were happy to see Daddy, and his arrival signaled the chance for us to go out, do some excursions and sightseeing, and visit with friends.

Annual trip to the Riverwalk - a shopping and entertainment plaza along the Mississippi River, affording lots of chances to watch boats and freighters go by...

Dinner out at a Creole restaurant, where clearly our eyes were waaaay bigger than our stomachs!

Something I’ve wanted to do for a super long time - maybe 2-3 years - is to take the kids to a local small, organic farm near my folks’ house called Sugar Roots Farm.  They have open community days on Saturdays, and somehow on our annual trips, we’ve managed to not spend full Saturdays in town, and thus haven’t been able to visit.  But this time, we did - and we got some hands-on learning about sustainable farming, farm-to-table food production, and of course, animals!

This place is literally behind my parents’ house - its so weird!

Excited to see a tractor.... our main frame of reference with tractors are the ones that get cow-tipped in the Disney Pixar movie “Cars.”

Horses were intimidating.

Ponies were more up the alley of certain people.

We bought feed cups for a dollar so we could make friends with the goats, sheep, alpacas, and chickens.... but in the end, apparently my lionhearted sons were terrified of the teeth on most of these animals, so I got to feed them myself, haha :)

Feeding chickens was manageable, I guess.

Dey’s reaction to the rabbits was hilarious.  He ran over to this enclosure, spotted a large white rabbit hopping around, immediately turned around making this face and exclaimed “Look, a bunny!  It’s a bunny!  It’s a GIRL!!!!” then just ran off again.  Uh, what?  Why do you assume its a girl?!!!  It was so weird!!!

A GIANT pig.  A very sleepy giant pig.

Quack quack quack.

Daddice with the boys.

This was an enjoyable way to spend an hour and change one morning!

Later that same day, we took a VERY special day trip to Baton Rouge, to the home of my cousin and bestie, Neets.  She and her hubby B have two daughters, S and M, and they just put a new swimming pool in the yard of the home they’ve lived in for the last 2 years.  We were excited to have a swimming playdate together, so I picked up a special gift for the girls which was immediately put to use: a giant inflatable rainbow cloud.  Cousin bonding time!

I absolutely love this woman <3

Our final evening in New Orleans was spent playing tourist in my hometown.  Ajima and Thatha accompanied us on a mule carriage tour of the French Quarter, where Bonnie the Mule and her driver/guide regaled us on the super-interesting history of the city.  It was a throwback to my elementary and middle school History classes and field trips, where we’d tour historic sites and antebellum homes, write essays and field trip reports and special projects about Louisiana history and the mixed Creole, French, Spanish, and American culture of New Orleans.

Our attempt to recreate one of our iconic wedding pictures.... unfortunately the, er, large gentleman in the background decided to join us for the fun.

Updated family version.... how far we’ve come.

All too soon, it was time to bid goodbye to Ajima and Thatha, and to our delightful Camp NOLA.  And now we’re back to Camp Memmy in our Miami home.... which is significantly less exciting for everyone involved!!!