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girlsbtrs · 4 years ago

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How Being a Woman in Hardcore Helped Me Learn to Love Myself

Written by Jen Moglia. Graphic by Laura Cross.

Since this is my first piece written for Girls Behind the Rock Show, I figured that I should introduce myself; hi, my name is Jennifer, but most people call me Jen. I live on Long Island in New York, and my favorite things include my cats, the color pink, giving gifts to my Animal Crossing villagers, and watching sports. Above all else, however, I love music.

I frequently refer to music as the love of my life. It somehow plays a role in everything that I do. I got my first iPod when I was five years old, stacked with everything from Miranda Cosgrove and Avril Lavigne to Tool and Deftones. Some of my favorite memories growing up are sitting in my pink and purple bedroom singing and dancing along to Paramore’s crushcrushcrush and Fall Out Boy’s Thnks Fr Th Mmrs on the local alternative radio station. I danced for 12 years, played cello for seven, and am currently a wannabe ukulele rockstar after buying one on impulse and starting to teach myself how to play four years ago. Even on the simplest, barely noticeable levels, music has been everywhere in my life for as long as I can remember; even now, I can’t complete a basic task without a song playing in my headphones.

Music became an even bigger part of my life when I started attending live shows. I went to my first concerts at age 10, seeing my two favorite artists - Nickelodeon boy band Big Time Rush and classic progressive rock band Rush - within one month of each other. By the time I was 15, I had been to my fair share of arena/seated shows with one or both of my parents, from Fifth Harmony to Fitz and the Tantrums to Alice in Chains. My first general admission show was seeing the Foo Fighters at Citi Field with both my mom and dad when I was 12, but my first pop-punk general admission show (yes, they’re different) came a few years later. I had the typical list of favorite bands that you would expect from a young teenager getting into alternative music: Neck Deep, Knuckle Puck, Real Friends, and State Champs.

In late 2018, I was able to see all four of these bands for the first time, and I am a firm believer that it changed the course of my life. I met, cried-during, and eventually got the setlist for Neck Deep at Stereo Garden on Long Island in September. I sang all of “Untitled” at the barricade for Knuckle Puck at SI Hall at the Fairgrounds in Syracuse in October. I had my first minor concussion scare (yay!) before Real Friends’ set at Irving Plaza in New York City in November. Finally, I crowd surfed for the first time during State Champs’ anniversary show for The Finer Things at House of Independents in Asbury Park in December. After just a few shows, I had fallen in love with this new brand of live music that I had just been introduced too. There was something so magical to me about skin covered in sweat and Sharpie marks, feet hurting from dancing in the pit all night, and meeting strangers on line outside the venue who would become your best friends and know your deepest secrets by the end of the night.

After making some friends at all of the pop-punk shows I was going to, they started to tell me that I should get into hardcore music. I was hesitant at first - the heaviest thing I had listened to at that point was nowhere near the snippets of hardcore that my friends had played for me - but, eventually, I decided to give it a chance. I was bored and home alone with nothing to do one night over the summer of 2019 when I listened to my first hardcore album, Laugh Tracks by Knocked Loose. Immediately, I got that gut feeling that you have when you know you’ve heard one of your favorite bands for the first time. I knew that this was something special that I was meant to find at this point in my life. For the rest of the summer, I worked my way through the rest of my friends’ hardcore and hardcore-adjacent recommendations, with Cost of Living by Incendiary, Stage Four by Touche Amore, You’re Not You Anymore by Counterparts, Time & Space by Turnstile, Springtime and Blind by Fiddlehead, Smile! Aren’t You Happy by Absence of Mine, Bad to my World by Backtrack, and Reality Approaches by Harms Way being some of my favorites. By the time the next school year started, I was hooked, and I already had tickets to my first few hardcore shows in the fall.

My first hardcore show was in November 2019, seeing Knocked Loose at Webster Hall in New York City - fitting, right? They were on tour supporting their new record A Different Shade of Blue, which I had become obsessed with the minute I heard it for the first time. Although I was ridiculously scared of getting stepped on and breaking all my bones (yes, that was an actual fear of mine), I had the time of my life at that show. There was something about this newer kind of live music that prompted a cathartic release, one that I hadn’t found anywhere else before. As soon as the show was over, I was counting the days until my next one.

My love for live hardcore music (and live music and hardcore music in general) has only grown since then, and that story sort of ends there. However, I want to go back to that first hardcore band that I listened to, Knocked Loose, and the album they put out that first summer that stole my heart. I was taken by storm as soon as the first notes of A Different Shade of Blue rang through my headphones, but something was different about the third track, A Serpent’s Touch, particularly the ending; I heard a voice that sounded a little bit more like my own.

This song features Emma Boster, who does vocals for one of my favorite hardcore bands right now, Dying Wish. When I heard A Serpent’s Touch for the first time, though, I had no idea who she was. I was used to the aggressive vocal delivery of frontmen in hardcore, particularly that of Knocked Loose’s Bryan Garris, but hearing it come from her changed my perspective on a lot of things. It’s not like the song was super angry and changed its tune to be lighter once the token girl came along; in her verse, Boster sings, “I watched the venom / Overcome your spirit / Jealousy holds you now / Distorting your appearance / Bleed out.” These were lyrics that held the same intensity that the lines screamed by the men held, and they sounded just as cool coming out of her mouth. As cheesy as it sounds, it had never even occurred to me that women had a place in this new world that I had discovered. The audiences in the live videos I watched (and eventually at the shows I attended) were made up of mostly men who looked bigger and older than me. When I did start going to shows, most of the non-man population consisted of my friends and I. Emma Boster, along with so many others, began to open my eyes to the fact that a place for people like me existed in this community. It didn’t matter that I had bright red hair or liked butterflies or wore pink - I was just as much a part of this magic as the men multiple feet taller than me with tattoo-covered arms, and I belonged there just as much as they did.

As time went on and I got more involved in the genre’s music and community, I discovered more bands with women in them, and it only fueled this fire of empowerment inside of me. When I felt insecure, I’d watch live sets from Krimewatch, a hardcore band from New York City, just half an hour away from my hometown. They have multiple women as members, including their energetic badass of a vocalist, Rhylli Ogiura. Year of the Knife became one of my all-time favorites, and their bassist Madison Watkins became a serious inspiration to me; the way that she can balance killing it on stage and running the cutest, most pink apparel brand I’ve ever seen (aptly titled Candy Corpse) amazes me. Even some of the bands I’ve found more recently have had an impact on me. I started listening to Initiate last year when their EP Lavender came out, and their beautifully colorful cover art caught my eye before I had heard any of their songs. Their vocalist, Crystal Pak, is also a woman, and she’s insanely talented. Discovering this kind of representation in this new universe that I had come to feel so at home in introduced me to a world of confidence and determination that I had never known before.

When people ask me why I love hardcore so much, I often give the easy answer; “the music sounds good.” If the person allows me to ramble on for a little longer, the answer becomes much more emotional and cheesy. Hardcore taught me that speaking up for what I believe in is important, and if there’s something I’m passionate about, it’s worth shouting about. I became familiar with this when listening to one of my favorite bands ever, Incendiary (the second hardcore band I ever checked out), before quickly realizing that politics are a pretty common topic within the genre - it’s what this music was practically built on. The first time I heard their vocalist Brendan Garrone singing about police brutality and injustice on songs like Force of Neglect and Sell Your Cause, I realized that there is so much more to music than just sounding good.

However, at its core, the thing I love so much about hardcore is what it taught me about being a woman. Growing up, I was the loud girl with the personality bigger than the room who always had something to say and had a never ending supply of excitement about just about everything. As I got older, I was taught that this was not okay. People didn’t like how enthusiastic I was about everything, or that I constantly had new ideas and new discoveries I wanted to talk about. As cliche as it sounds, I felt like everyone around me was trying to dull my sparkle, especially some of the men that I was encountering on a day-to-day basis. Even when I started to come to terms with my big and bright personality, in turn also coming to terms with my own femininity, I was told that this wasn’t how girls acted. I had to pick one - I could watch Disney princess movies and wear Hello Kitty hair clips, or I could be outspoken about my beliefs; but never both. The women that I mentioned earlier, along with so, so many more, helped me unlearn these toxic mindsets. Seeing someone like Emma Boster take the stage and scream ferociously for a full set helped me see that I could be a girl and still be a powerhouse. Following Madi Watkins around on social media showed me that I could love bands like Year of the Knife and also love heart-shaped purses and wear pink from head to toe. My aggression and passion didn’t make me any less of a woman, and my femininity didn’t make me any less of a force to be reckoned with.

So, at the end of this love letter to hardcore and the women who run it, I say this; thank you for teaching me that I don’t have to shrink myself anymore. It has made a world of a difference.

#jennifer moglia

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absoluteyoongit · 5 years ago

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Blind Love

⇢ pairing: rapper!yoongi x blind!reader

⇢ genre: fluff

⇢ word count: 2.3K

⇢ warnings: none really

⇢ summary: Being blind comes with its challenges but it’s nothing you can’t overcome with your boyfriend at your side.

⇢ author’s note: Hey everyone! I hope you enjoy this little something I cooked up for you. It’s my first time posting my writing here so I appreciate any feedback that you guys give. Thank you!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Soft patches of light shared the darkness you have always known. Faint outlines of objects and people in shades of dark and darker was how you saw the world. You sat on your bed glaring at the blob of light from your ceiling out of frustration.

Being blind was something you always lived. It was a frustrating part of you but you learned to accept it. You were blind, it was a part of you. You kept your head up, staying positive, but you couldn’t help but feel left out sometimes. Like when your friends argued over whether the color of a dress washed them out or when they gushed in awe of beautiful sunsets as you all drove around town. The pity that oozed out of your friends whenever they caught themselves gushing about things you couldn’t see made you bitter. You hated that your friends felt they couldn’t talk about certain things around you.

Times like that you cursed your blindness. It made you resentful, so you looked to hobbies and materials to fill the emptiness you felt from not experiencing the beauty of the world.

You tried learning how to paint, only to get frustrated when you couldn’t see the final product. You attempted reading books, or more specifically listening to books, but the words never settled well within you. The dialogue and descriptions of characters you were supposed to imagine never satisfied you.

Music was the only thing that seemed to fill the hole in your heart.

You loved all types of music, consuming it whenever you could. It merely patched the hole, never fully filling it. You never learned how to play any instruments. Insecure thoughts left you uncommitted but yearning to know how.

So you resigned to just enjoying it. You would never tell your boyfriend, Min Yoongi, any of this though.

He was a rapper and music producer with an affinity for the piano, one of your favorite instruments. If he knew how many times you beat yourself up, after trying and failing to learn an instrument, he would be disappointed that you never told him.

You hated disappointing yourself, but disappointing him? You hated that even more. You knew Yoongi would do anything for you, especially if it included music. There was something holding you back from asking him, you weren’t sure what.

Your shoulders sunk as you looked up at your ceiling light. Raising your hand, you swiped back and forth watching the blob of light appear and disappear.

“What are you thinking about Babe? You look frustrated.”

You dropped your hand and tilted your head toward the sound of your boyfriend’s raspy voice. Warm arms wrapped around your shoulders from behind pulling you into his embrace. Smooth fingers grazed your exposed arm making you shiver.

You shrugged, “Ah— you know. Just wallowing in my misery.” You reached up grabbing one of his hands, giving it a strong squeeze, “I just want to be able to do something other than stare off into space. People only seem to pity me these days.”

Yoongi’s arms tightened around you, resting his chin on your shoulder. “Do you want to go to my studio and hear what I’m working on,” he paused pressing a light kiss to your shoulder, “Might take your mind off this. And you know I always appreciate your thoughts.”

With a sigh, you gave him a slight nod. Yoongi always knew what you needed. He knew how much it irked you when your friends showered you with kind words and sympathy. You understood that they meant well but all you felt was their pity. Yoongi knew better than to use words to cheer you up. Even though visiting his studio excited you another part of you wanted to continue throwing a pity party.

“Alright then. Come on. Get up.”

You slumped against Yoongi’s front refusing to stand. “Noo I don’t wanna,” you whined.

Yoongi sighed, standing up. You collapsed against the mattress, still refusing to use your muscles. A few seconds of silence passed as you laid there like a ragdoll.

“Y/n.”

Ignoring his call Yoongi huffed, a sly smile growing on his face. But of course, you didn’t know this. Slowly, he shuffled towards your bedroom door. The scuffing sound of his shoes let you know that he was spinning around and kicking his feet up.

“Ok then. You can stay here while I go to my studio and get some work done,” he paused looking back at you, smirk growing even bigger, “I’ll just have to tell Hobi that you’re just not up for hanging out.”

You raised your head slightly looking in the direction of his voice. “It’s a shame really. He really missed you the past couple weeks.”

“You traitor. Using your best friend like that,” you mumbled eyes narrowing, “If I could see the grin on your face I probably tell you to wipe that shit off.”

Yoongi raised his shoulders in defense, his tone amused, “Yeah probably. But, I honestly should be more concerned about how excited Hobi is to see you. You are my girlfriend after all. Should I be worried?”

Ignoring him you lifted your arms to the ceiling, “Help me. Please,” you jutted your lip out.

He shook his head in amusement, “Alright, come on you big baby.”

Coming back over to you, he grabbed your arms pulling them up to rest on his shoulders. You smiled up at him then rested your head against his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist. Yoongi brought his lips down, kissing the crown of your hair.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” you whispered back.

You could have stayed in his arms forever. The warmth and security you found with him was unmatched. Your whole life felt half-lived. No blue skies or colorful sunsets. No green grass or red roses. No stars lighting up the night or white clouds dusting the day.

But with Yoongi, you didn’t need all of that. With him, life felt right.

Being in Yoongi’s studio was second nature to you.

Even before the two of you started dating he would bring you here to listen to his creations. A lot of long days and nights have been spent in that small room but you wouldn’t have it any other way. It was an honor in your eyes to be allowed into The Genius Lab, as your boyfriend proudly called it. He didn’t like people in his space. The only people he let in were you and his best friend, Jung Hoseok.

You met Hoseok visiting Yoongi’s studio one time before the two of you started dating. He also produced music but preferred dancing to it rather than making it.

Hobi had a bright spirit and you couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his laugh, you wished you could see it. The best part of his friendship though is that he never once mentioned the fact that you were blind. Whether he doesn’t because Yoongi told him not to bring it up or that he understood you didn’t like talking about it.

You appreciated that he never brought it up or tried apologizing to you for being blind. That was the worst. People apologizing to you because you were blind like it was something that they could control.

Hoseok probably was the happiest out of both of your friends when he found out the two of you finally started dating.

“Oh mah god! Finally! This is the day I’ve been waiting for,” Hobi had said to the both of you, “I can stop listening to Yoongi pine for you. Do you know how often he just stares at you? It’s actually really creepy.”

Hoseok definitely became one of your favorite people after that. Which is why Yoongi used him as bait. You had not seen Hobi for a couple weeks and you missed him.

“So you’re a traitor and a liar now, huh Yoon?”

First, Yoongi promised you would see Hobi if you came to his studio. Now Hobi was missing, was never there in the first place. A traitor and a liar; that’s what your boyfriend was.

Yoongi laughed out loud, “Well it worked dragging you out here. I should be offended how my friend could get you out of your apartment but me, your boyfriend, could not.” He shook his head making a ‘tsk tsk’ sound.

You rolled your eyes. He knows you have a soft spot for Hobi.

You grabbed the arm that hooked around yours, “Come on! I want to hear what you’re working on, Mr. Min Yoongi.”

Yoongi chuckled, dragging you towards his set up and dropping into his seat, pulling you with him.

Your head rested against Yoongi’s shoulder as you sat in his lap. You could feel his head bobbing up and down to whatever he was listening to as he worked on his computer.

“Alright babe, take a listen,” he said while taking his headphones off. You nodded against him, “I’m expecting some good shit Min Yoongi.”

He chuckled, “Oh trust me, babe. Nothing but perfection comes out of the Genius Lab,” he placed his headphones over your ears and hugged you closer.

Adjusting the headphones better you gave him a quick peck on his chin, “Ready when you are.”

Piano notes gentle graced your ears. The melody was simple with a few drum hits and synth notes in the background. The main part of the piece was the piano. It wasn’t a complicated piece but was powerful nonetheless. There were no lyrics to distract from the piano beside the word dream and some choir vocals in the back.

You swayed your head lightly to the song enjoying how mellow it was. It wasn’t really the type of song you were used him making.

“I wish I could play the piano like that,” you mumbled without thinking.

“You definitely could. This song is pretty easy to learn on the piano,” he leaned forward, “I know you could do it.”

“I don’t know, Yoongi.” You sighed, “I can’t play like you.”

“Naw— I don’t believe you. Come on, let me show you,” Yoongi said as he rolled the both you towards his keyboard against the wall. “It’ll be easy, just you wait.”

You sat between Yoongi’s legs, his arms caging you in. Your fingers lightly grazed the keys. You frowned. You have been in this position before; sitting at a piano or with some other instrument ready to make music but never producing anything of substance. Being blind made you insecure. You never fully committed to an instrument in fear of letting yourself down and getting frustrated. Just like all the other failed hobby attempts.

You pretended music was your saving grace. Listening to it gave you temporary happiness but it didn’t give you purpose. Maybe that’s why you could never play an instrument. You were afraid that if you did learn how to play an instrument that it wouldn’t be enough. You didn’t want your one hope to be a lie.

You were afraid that music wouldn’t fill the hole in your heart.

But you were content listening to Yoongi’s music. You loved the way he loved music. You loved how passionate he got when talking about a new piece he was working on. You loved being proud of him when his music did well.

You wanted to feel even a fraction of that when it came to music for yourself. You never tried with Yoongi. You have always been afraid, but with him maybe you had a shot.

“Babe. Baby. Y/N?”

You snapped out of your daze, “Oh— what? Sorry. I just got lost in thought.”

“Are you okay? You seem,” he paused, “hesitant.”

“Ah— I mean. I am nervous,” you looked down, “I just— I just never could play the piano before. Or any instrument for that matter. I’ve tried before and I just could never do it.”

“Well, y/n. I got you. I’ll help in whatever way I can.”

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. With Yoongi’s help, you could do this. Whatever happens, happens. Yoongi will be there whether music was the missing piece or not.

“Play the piano with me.”

A gentle grasp moved your fingers to the middle of the board, his long fingers resting on top of yours. Yoongi pressed down his pointer finger pushing yours down with it. The first note rang out, then another and another after that. Following Yoongi’s lead, your fingers played notes that soon resembled the beautiful song he played earlier for you.

You released the stress held in your shoulders and smiled. This definitely felt different than the last attempts you have made. A warmth filled your chest, your smile growing.

“I’m actually playing the piano. I’m actually doing it.”

Yoongi laughed lightly, “Yes, yes you are. How does it feel?”

Giggling, you leaned closer to the piano, “I feel— whole. Thank you Yoongi.”

This was it, the missing piece that haunted you. The thing that you needed to fill the hole you felt being blind took away from you. It felt right sitting there with Yoongi, playing piano together.

Yoongi’s song sounded beautiful from the piano you shared. You felt at peace. The fear that once gripped you was gone. And you had Yoongi to thank for that.

You knew there would still be trials ahead of you, battling your insecurities, but Yoongi would be there for you. For all of it. You didn’t want to think about that now. The only things you wanted to think about was how his fingers tickled yours, how he relaxed against you, and how the music made your heart soar.

You would really learn how to play the piano later, with Yoongi’s help of course.

#bts imagines #bts one shot #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #min yoongi #yoongi #suga #j-hope #bts #bts x reader #jung hoseok

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doomedandstoned · 3 years ago

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Scarecrow Go For Epic on Second Album

~By Tom Hanno~

The name SCARECROW may bring to mind several different things depending on your mindset and personal preferences. Some may think of the character from the Batman movies and comics, some will think of the straw stuffed beings used to scare crows out of a farmers field, and some will immediately think of music; it seems that there are at least two groups using the moniker, one is a metal band formed in 1989, the other is the reason that we're here today.

Scarecrow is from Perm, Russia, and plays an amalgamation of rock, heavy blues, metal, doom, progressive and much more; done with a 1970s flair that I wasn't expecting to hear when I first heard of them. They have released one full length, one single, and are releasing their newest album, 'Scarecrow II' (2021), on October 22nd via Wise Blood Records.

When I say that you truly need this album, believe that I'm speaking the truth. The eight tracks presented are extremely well put together, with influences ranging from Black Sabbath to Led Zeppelin, and everything in between. So, without further ado, let's dig into the cream of the crop!

Scarecrow II by Scarecrow

"The Endless Ocean Overtorture" brings us in with the soft sounds of waves lapping onto the shoreline with an exquisitely beautiful piano part. There's a symphonic aspect here that I find incredibly soothing, and it's sheer beauty encompasses everything.

This symphonic intro has become a staple of each Scarecrow release. The first album began with the Scarecrow Overture, and the 3 track single began with the chilly sounds of Rising. These superb intro pieces grab your attention before dropping some serious rock and roll meets metal meets doom power!

The aptly titled "Blizzard" follows the intro, easing the listener into the album perfectly. What we hear is hard rocking, progressive tinged doom that employs a bit of heavy metal thunder.

This track has some of the finest bass playing that I've heard recently, and the mix puts it right up front while not overpowering the other instruments. Elijah has a firm grasp on his instrument, and helps propel things with perfection! This is without even mentioning the sizzling lead sections, and the Robert Plant inspired vocal work. Everything about this track is so nicely structured, and everyone's performances are simply mind blowing.

Another of my top picks is "Spirit Seducer," which I love for how much it captures the '70s vibe, its musicianship, and the way it's arranged. A highlight of this one has to be the lead guitar playing. Max is adept at playing exactly what the song calls for while taking his leads into the stratosphere; his tone and note choices are so perfectly thought out!

On the vocal end of things, Artemis truly shines. He has a fantastic range, really showing off his capabilities here. I hear Robert Plant again, but there's much more going on as well. I'm honestly floored by the way he uses his voice, and I think you will be too.

My favorite track is called "The Moors" -- 8 minutes of great music. The song gets heavy after a brief acoustic intro, the doom influence in full effect. I hear Black Sabbath in the guitar riffs, which is always a welcome sound. Artemis uses a softer approach during the verses, yet still elicits that Zeppelin feel. These guys blow me away on so many levels, with this track being the culmination of everything that I love about the genre, and about the band as well.

There are a lot of layers going on, plus there's some flute, cool vocal nuances, and more of the guitar playing that makes me want to smash my own guitar out of frustration; I wish I had 1/100th of the skills shown on this album.

There are four other tracks here, and each of them are incredible, so don't think that my not including them is a sign of them being weak; they are not, and picking which ones to discuss was incredibly difficult.

October 22nd is coming up quickly, so head over to Bandcamp and get your pre-order on. I promise that you will not be disappointed with spending your hard earned dough on this masterpiece. There are two tracks available for streaming now, and The Moors will be the third, and final, single released. I'll leave you with my suggestion, and let you get to it. Enjoy!

Follow The Band

Get Their Music

The Great Scarecrow Giveaway!

Here are some free download codes for Scarecrow's EP 'Ghost.' Redeem at bandcamp.com/yum.

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#D&S Reviews #Scarecrow #Perm #Russia #doom metal #epic doom #metal #HeavyBest2021 #Tom Hanno #Wise Blood Records #Doomed and Stoned

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #403

“ashes to ashes, watch me disappear”

If given the opportunity, would you like to star in a musical? Definitely not. I don't like musicals. Name one person you’d take a bullet for: There's honestly a lot, but Mom immediately came to mind. Any posters of a band on your bedroom wall? Yeah: Metallica and Marilyn Manson currently. I want lots more, especially an Ozzy one. Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don't believe in soulmates. Do you share your bedroom with anyone? No, unless you include my cat and snake. Is your favorite color yellow? No, it's actually one of my least favorites. Were you born in a hospital? I was. Do you know the name of the person that delivered you? No, but Mom does. I think he delivered me and my two sisters, and I know Mom has seen him since for other reasons. Was your birth recorded? God no. Good call, Mom. Did you eat a peach this week? Would you believe me if I told you I had a small bit of peach pie for my sister's birthday? For some reason, I just really wanted to try some. It was okay, but the aftertaste sucked. Are you leaving the house tomorrow? Yes, for TMS therapy. Every weekday. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? I honestly do. If you could get free vocal lessons would you take them? Probably not. I don't like singing in front of anyone, and it's not like I wanna get anywhere with my singing, so. Is your mother diabetic? She is. Are you? No. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. What is your main responsibility each day? Be sure to take my medications. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. There are rare mornings where I forget, but I almost always remember. I don't fw skipping out on meds that keep my mental health stable. When was the last time you used spray paint? Good question. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Yep. Who is the friendliest person you know? My mom, probably. Something that annoys you about summer: THE HEAT. THE HUMIDITY. UGH. Something that annoys you about winter: Hm. That's hard to say, given I love winter. I guess the fact it doesn't snow enough here. Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side-by-side. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. Have you ever cried in a movie theater? Not sobbed or anything, but I've definitely teared up and gotten the sniffles because of multiple movies. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? No. Have you ever seriously pretended to be clinically insane? I didn't need to pretend; I'm pretty damn sure I was for a while. Might I add that it's EXTREMELY inconsiderate to pretend you're insane, btw. Insanity is not "cool." It's not "funny." It's not "edgy." It's a serious, confusing, heart-wrenching issue that can ruin lives. Do you know anyone with a stutter? Yes, myself included when I'm even mildly nervous. And sometimes just randomly. With a lisp? I don't believe so. What was the last board game you played? The Disney version of "Pretty Pretty Princess" w/ my niece and even my nephew, even though his sexist-ass dad didn't want him to. Like let your kid have some fun with his sister and aunt, goddamn. They had a blast. It was Aubree's birthday present from me, so I am SO glad she loved it. Did you win? Ha ha, no, I always let Aubree or Ryder win. I came super close once, but I let the kids bend the rules a bit. They don't like losing, and even though they definitely need to understand that just happens and is totally fine for it to, I wasn't about to be the one to make them sad about it. When was the last time you tried to speak with an accent? OH MY LAAAAAWWWWWWD. Also at Aubree's b-day party, at one point, I spoke in a snobbish British accent while I was winning at the aforementioned game. Ryder asked, "Why are you speaking Spanish?", and I fuckin DIED. Have you ever made up a word before? Yeah, I know at least a few instances for fantasy animals in writing. When was the last time you went to a museum? A couple summers ago when my brother and his son visited, we went to a science museum. My nephew was sooooo into it. Do you have a nice yard? If so, do you spend a lot of time outside in it? If not, where do you go when you want to relax outdoors on nice days? Our front and back yards are both small and honestly very boring. The grass is a pretty green, but that's the only nice thing about it. I don't go to sit outside here on any day. Do your parents enjoy any of the things that you enjoy? Do you bond over these things? My parents and I have very similar music tastes, so there's that. I also didn't know for the longest time that Mom likes to write, which I sure as hell do, too! She doesn't really write anymore though, and she's self-conscious of it anyway, like I am. She and I also love a lot of the same shows. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? I think The Incredibles 2. I aaaalways wanted to know what happened after the end of the first film. Do you have any ideas for a story or movie you’re planning to write or you’d write if you had the time/had the talent? Please share a synopsis! I genuinely think some RP I've written is series-worthy, but I don't feel like re-writing the YEARS of RP into a book format, and I sincerely worry that the ridiculously dark parts could inspire people like serial killers and cause A LOT of controversy, crime-blaming, and just general hate. I don't want to be involved in that. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? Compliment my Markiplier tattoo, obviously knowing it's a tribute to him, and we're essentially besties. Is there a person in your life (maybe barely) that you feel in constant competition with (even just in your imagination)? Maybe you feel they are consistently outshining you? Ugh... there's a local photographer that's much more successful than I am that I admittedly am very envious of. I swear to whatever god you may believe in that I mean it from a modest perspective, I really, really do, but I genuinely think my skills surpasses hers, and she's only more prevalent because photography REALLY is about who you know. She's talented, yes, but like... come on. If you are single, even if you are normally happily single, are there certain specific things you witness that make you wish you were in a relationship (e.g., people getting engaged)? I mean yeah. I miss cuddling, holding hands, kissing, just being cute together, and especially people getting engaged or having kids. It's such a trigger to me. Once upon a time, that's all I wanted with Jason. I wanted to be that beautiful couple that got married and had two or three loved-beyond-words children, but then he left so abruptly, and I feel like it was so brutally robbed from me. I don't want kids anymore like at all, but the point still stands that I felt like my dreams were just ripped away. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? I use "Ozzkat" just about everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? OHHHHHHHHHH YEAH. There have been a couple days or so where I was totally glued to looking up various tattoo designs, bingeing let's plays or conspiracy theory videos, etc. etc. If you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)? I WILL NOT get married in a church, first of all. I'm also not having the traditional vows, and I probably won't wear a white dress, but instead black. Salt & vinegar, barbecue, sour cream & onion, or cheddar? Ohhhh, I like all those options but barbecue. I think I've gotta go with sour cream & onion, though. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? A D O R A B L E ! ! ! I think they're ordinarily geeky, but I mean, geeky is cute in my world. :^) Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? Angels, no. Spirits/ghosts, 100%. I don't exactly believe in demons, per se, but I do question if evil spirits can possess someone. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? I've seen The Notebook numerous times. Name three countries you want to visit; why those three? South Africa to interact with meerkats at the KMP, somewhere up in Canada to see the Northern Lights, and Germany just because, really. I took German for four semesters, and the culture and all just interests me. Do you have a good luck charm? No, considering I don't believe they do jack. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Only Sara. Now that I have Discord semi-figured out now though, we'll probably use that for voice chatting. Are you allergic to any animals? I might be allergic to dogs. Do you usually spend your weekends out, or at home? I'm like... always at home. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say "retard/retarded" as an insult? Absofuckinglutely. Don't pull that shit when I'm around. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever lived through a hurricane? Plenty. Have you ever had a home-grown tomato? Yes, from my old friend's garden. We'd have delicious tomato, mayo, and bacon sandwiches. The only instance where I've enjoyed tomatoes. Have you ever held a real gun? The former friend I mentioned just before, her husband always carried a gun, and he just needed me to hold it for a sec for some reason I don't recall. I hated the feeling. Would you rather wear Converse or Vans? I like both, but I think I prefer Converse. Have you ever been called bipolar? Yes, because I clinically am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? FUCK no. And like the "retarded" thing, don't you fucking DARE to do this in front of me. I WILL deck the shit out of you. Do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage? Sure, as long as you're being safe and are very thorough in communication. Do you like to watch old sitcoms? I don't really watch TV as I say in like every survey it seems, but I do enjoy some old sitcoms I grew up watching with my mom, like The Nanny, The Golden Girls, The Munsters, etc. If asked, could you run a mile nonstop right now? Being completely serious, I don't even know if I CAN physically run right now. My legs are so incredibly weak, and I'm humiliatingly close to what my heaviest weight was back in 2016, so I can almost guarantee my knees would crumple if I tried. Do you wear those rubber wristbands? I used to. I don't really like bracelets nowadays. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? Nope. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. When was the last time you saw someone you went to high school with? Uhhhh idk. What breed was the last dog you saw? A fucking GOLIATH of a lab. I shit you not when I say my sister's roommate's dog Hudson is the size of a goddamn bear. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say they were together at the very least 20 years. What has been your most epic cooking failure? I once accidentally put something (I don't remember what) in the microwave for around 45 minutes I believe, and I walked away and completely forgot about it. I remembered a long while later, and safe to say, it wasn't edible, whatever it was, lmao. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively? No. How long has it been since your last breakup? Somewhere around two years ago? My memory is so garbage nowadays. Can you concentrate well while listening to music, or do you find it distracting? It's distracting, usually. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? I've been pretty bad about drinking too much soda lately. :/

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''under the graveyard'' by ozzy osbourne

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devilsaw · 4 years ago

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rune factory secret santa

hi there @invaderpig !!! I’m so sorry for the delay, i had trouble accessing a laptop sooner to post this...but i hope you enjoy !! Here is the AO3 link to the fic I wrote, and under the cut is the whole thing too!

The music was loud, almost overbearing, and Arthur would've liked much more to be holed up in his office working, but here he was, home for Christmas. And by home, he means back in a stuffy mansion, surrounded by nobles he didn't care to know who were all tipsy on fancy champagne and waltzing their hearts out.

Now, he had made a habit of spending his holidays back in Selphia, but this year he had no chance to refuse his fathers cordial invitation home, pushed into it with cries of "It's been so long!" And "There are old friends coming you just must speak with." Seeing his father, however brief that meeting was, wasn't unpleasant, he had fond memories with the king, even if they feel as they were a lifetime ago. But he didn't care much to see any of his half-siblings, they were mere strangers to him.

There was however one face he was most excited to find in the crowd, the revered leader of the Univir, and Sharance representative, Kuruna. Arthur had met Kuruna many times, and every time he was left with a strange feeling of even more curiosity, it was as if the closer he got the more intrigued he felt.

She was incredibly smart, and even more powerful. Force was behind every word she spoke, yet her edges were still soft. She was clearly out of place in events such as these, filled with nobility, but she was nobility in her own way, and Arthur's father - King Nolan of Norad - was dedicated to learning more of her and her people, and including her as a noble.

"Arthur," Greeted her gentle, yet confident voice. In all his thinking of her he hadn't noticed she had found him herself and approached. "It's good to see you again." He lit up, and geared up to speak in his best 'polite prince' voice, but before he managed to get a word out he found himself taken aback by her leaning in slightly, and cautiously opening her fanciful cape to reveal Will hidden inside.

"I know we aren't supposed to bring animals in here but I couldn't help it." She half-whispered cheekily, "He so hates to be left alone. You won't tell, will you?" He chuckled softly, during the many times he's met Kuruna he found himself enchanted by her fire spirit companion, personality brash and yet so cute in appearance.

"Of course your secret is safe with me, Lady Kuruna." She smiled, pleased with the secret kept between them.

In the moment of silence that followed, as Kuruna made herself comfortable standing beside him, the young prince took the chance to look her over properly.

She was wearing her usual coat, but underneath was a formal dress, shimmering silver, it wasn't anything too big or flashy, but Arthur couldn't deny how simply cute it made her look, of course it was natural to dress nicely for an event at the kingdom capital, he hadn't anticipated her getting especially dolled up.

"How's the settlement?" He asked, politely, of course Kuruna practically represented the whole of Sharance here, her passion still lied primarily with her settlement.

"Especially cold in the Winter." She replied casually, "The desert heat does nothing to sway the cold nights. It doesn't effect me much, but some of the smaller monsters have a harder time dealing with this time of year."

He frowned, pursing his chapped lips together, "I see. Is there anything I can do to help?" "Ever so helpful, Prince Arthur." She remarked, seemingly pleased at his offer, "But no, we have it handled just fine."

"I see. And the rest of Sharance, then?" "Oh it's just gorgeous this time of year!" She gushed. "The hornless really do know how to celebrate the seasons, I'll give them that." And with that she launched into a discussion of the flowers in the winter. "Micah is still working hard somehow, I can't imagine working the fields like this. But he does it all with no complaints."

And when she had exhausted that topic, Arthur took the chance to describe to her the winters in Selphia. "Of course, there aren't flower fields to admire, but Frey still fills her fields with them regardless too." She grinned, having heard about Selphia's local Earthmate enough times she felt as if she's practically met her herself. "We should introduce the two of them sometime!" And Arthur hummed in thought at the idea, deciding that the two would likely get along great, with much in common.

But mostly, as he hummed over that thought, he thought of Kuruna visiting Selphia herself, he had seen Sharance before, having traveled there on business - Trader, not Princely - but Kuruna hadn't once had the chance to visit Selphia herself. She might like Amber, he mused to himself.

Before he could vocalize any of these thoughts, he noticed a red glow flare up under Kurunas coat. "Will's getting restless it seems." She said, "I may have to step outside for awhile, give him a moment to stretch, it's not often he's stuffed in a coat for so long." Arthur nodded, understanding how frustrating it must be for Will.

"Of course, there are gardens you could head to, no one is really filtering outside this evening so I'm sure there's privacy there, I can join you in a few moments."

She nodded, moving through the crowd towards a back exit, and Arthur moved towards a large table full of gorgeous pastries, free for anyone to grab. He looked around, before realizing no one would really question the Prince in his own home and shamelessly grabbed as many sweets as he could handle, remembering Kuruna's love of such things.

"I've brought gifts!" He exclaimed, having found where Kuruna took to in the gardens. Will was stretching, well as much as a fire spirit could really stretch, and eyed the pastries hungrily. "I brought enough for everyone." Arthur said, placing them down as delicately as possible.

"Oh! Is that...?" Kuruna trailed off, "Chocolate cake, yes." "Incredible! You remembered, hand it here." She was too pleased to even act shy about her excitement, and Arthur reveled in how cute she looked as she devoured the sweets.

"Do you always celebrate the Holidays here?" She asked abruptly, in between a slice of cake and a cherry danish. "No, not usually." He answered nonchalant. "I usually celebrate them at home." "What's an average Christmas in Selphia like?" "It's...very pretty," He tilted his head to the side, absent mindedly lifting a hand to his face, thinking over his answer.

"We don't do much special, I suppose. But there is a tradition there...More of a legend." "A legend?" She echoed back, pure curiosity etched into her features. "Yes, for couples. Every year two people wish upon a shooting star at the highest point, tonight it's said every wish gets granted." "I see..." She seemed enchanted by the tale. "Of course, it is intended for couples, so many of our residents don't actually partake." "Oh, not many couples then?" "Not many, no. Our doctors are married to each other, then there's our local knight and songstress. But that's about it for locals. It is rather popular among the tourists as well." She nodded, chewing her last bite carefully, "So you've never partook, then?" "No, I've never had the chance."

And as if fate was playing a trick on the pair, a star shower suddenly rained from the sky. "Oh!" He exclaimed, startled at the beautiful sight. "Shall we wish together?" Kuruna asked suddenly. Surprised, Arthur swallowed thickly. "Ah- huh?" Came his dumb reply.

"Together, if you'd like. Like in your home." He locked eyes with her, she looked bashful, her face flushed with an adorable pink color, she knew the full weight of the tradition, and here she was inviting him to partake.

In a moment of pure boldness, Arthur reached out and grabbed her hand, "Let our wishes come true." And he closed his eyes.

"...Did you make a wish?" She questioned after a moment. "I did, and you?" "Yes, of course I did." He didn't think to poke into what her wish may have been, and thankfully neither did she, for he would have been far too embarrassed to admit it to her.

But in the beautiful moment of the stars falling around them, combined with a gentle snowfall, Arthur wished for many more Holidays spent together with the young woman by his side, maybe next year he'll spend it in Sharance, and perhaps the year after that she'll spend it in Selphia.

And thankfully he didn't have to wait a whole year to see her again, for by the time he returned home from his Holiday at the castle, he already had a letter waiting for him inviting him to spend the spring Holidays with her, and he glowed in the light of this newly blossomed bond.

Maybe Holidays in the capitol weren't so bad after all.

#rune factory secret santa

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seblos · 4 years ago

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there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach - ch 7/10

chapter title: honey, not today of all days

word count: 8,826

read on ao3

It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, their last rehearsal before break, and Carlos is using any excuse he has to go talk to Seb.

Homecoming had definitely been a big step in their potential relationship, but ever since the forest of trees incident, he’s felt more drawn than ever to be near Seb at all times. Whether it was the hug, or the text Seb had sent him that day, or his hand on Carlos’s knee in Big Red’s basement, he knew now more than ever he wanted this to be something— that he was ready for it to be something.

The idea of them being in this blissful era and then possibly not seeing the boy for a whole 4 days is painful to Carlos. So, throughout the rehearsal, he’s taken every opportunity he can to go stand near the piano. Every time he does, Seb gives him this smile like he’s pleasantly surprised every time whether or not he was expecting it, and it makes Carlos’s chest explode from the inside.

Carlos was standing there now, pretending to check his choreography notes with the music that Seb has. (He knows the show choreo back to front, and Seb probably knows that too, but neither of them says anything as Carlos keeps one hand on Seb’s shoulder.)

Every once in awhile as Miss Jenn sets up the blocking for the opening song, she’ll turn and ask Carlos for his opinion on something. It always elicits a general “yeah, sure” response from him. No matter what his opinion is, Miss Jenn will most likely do it, and Carlos isn’t exactly in the mood to put up a full argument about it when he can stay here and talk to Seb for the time being. Even when the song starts, he still lingers over there for a bit before retreating back to Miss Jenn for the last few bars.

When he finally sits back down next to Miss Jenn as Ricky and Nini rehearse ‘Start of Something New’, though, he notices a few changes in the choreography. Apparently, the things he accidentally agreed to were some extra props and choreo that... aren’t exactly necessary for this particular song. Oh well. After a couple months of rehearsal, Carlos knows that Miss Jenn will decide in a week that she doesn’t like it and take it out. (By this point he’ll just be happy if they get the show together in time for opening night.)

He marks down some things to discuss with Miss Jenn about removing. (Seriously, he doesn’t think they need cardboard pieces with the song title. There’s a pretty small chance that the audience won’t know the song.) At least the vocals sound good.

Not even halfway through the song, though, the bell signifying the end of all extracurriculars cuts through and interrupts rehearsal. Usually, they’re able to run on for however long necessary, but because of the break, they’re required to have everyone out of the building at a certain time before they can close it down for the long weekend.

A “Yes! Yes! WHOO!” accompanies the blaring of the bell as EJ stands up from the benches, speaking for the first time since the start of rehearsal. He looks around after a moment once he realizes everyone is staring at him.

“Sorry, I really love Thanksgiving,” he admits, sitting back down. A few people laugh, including Carlos, but he wonders if anyone else is thinking that maybe he just did it to stop whatever was happening between Nini and Ricky during that duet. The two of them had been staring and smiling at each other the entire time even with the whirlwind of props and choreography going on around them.

“Okay, hold on!” Miss Jenn says over the chatter as the cast begins to pack up their belongings for the break. She stands up, and Carlos follows her to the center of the room.

“I know everyone is excited for the holiday break, but I’m me, and I have notes,” she continues. “Ricky and Nini— that was good. But it could be better.”

Carlos glances over at her. Out of all the things in the scene and she thinks the vocals need adjustments? They’re lucky that Nini and Ricky will actually sing together at this point.

“She said in the spirit of holiday cheer,” she adds, noticing Carlos’s gaze on her.

He nods. “Good save.”

“Your homework over this break, all of you, is to please go on vocal rest,” she tells them. “And go over your lines too… which is hard to do on vocal rest but make it work. And remember, may nothing block your doorway to happiness!”

Just as she says it, Mr. Mazzara (ironically) steps through the door to the bomb shelter. “Excuse me!”

Carlos gives him the biggest eye roll he can muster, and in doing so, glances over at his backpack next to the piano. He had placed it over there as well in hopes to catch Seb at the end of rehearsal, but unfortunately, the boy had left his back by the risers and was already over there, deep in conversation with Gina.

“Okay, starting now,” Miss Jenn says in response to the STEM teacher.

“Oh, don’t mind me. I just came to return a missing item. Ashlyn,” all of the students watch as he approaches the girl with a giant accordion file-type folder in hand. “Cannot have our robotics team co-captain going home without her binder over break.”

She takes it with a smile, before going over to her backpack which is placed next to the piano. Carlos follows, in hopes that this means the end of the conversation with Mr. Mazzara and that he’ll leave.

Unfortunately, he has no such luck. “Thank you, Benjamin, and I hope you have a lovely holiday with whoever could possibly love you.”

“Oh, well, in fact, I will be enjoying three varieties of peach cobbler with a loving family so large, we’re renting out the Rotary club.”

“Well, I’m sure it can’t compare to the candied yam bake-off that we throw every year in my home, but I wish you joy nonetheless.

“And I wish you had some joy, too,” Mr. Mazzara says before finally spinning on his heel and walking out the door.

Carlos stands up from where he was packing up his backpack, letting out a sigh as he faces Ashlyn. “Cobbler sounds so nice,” he says, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “My family usually has three protein courses and then everybody’s asleep by 6:00.”

“My folks start eating at dawn, and then they barely make it past the Macy’s Parade,” Big Red says, coming up behind them.

“Well at least your folks are sticking around,” Ashlyn tells them, leaning her elbow on the piano next to her. “EJ’s parents are treating my parents to a spa in Park City after dinner tomorrow. They told us to try and have a meaningful night at the movies.”

Carlos immediately turns to Big Red to see if they have the same thing in mind. When he turns back, Ashlyn is looking at both of them with the same look he had given Red.

“Wait…” she says, shifting herself so she’s standing a little taller as she regards them, an idea brewing in her mind.

“I was gonna say,” Carlos nods, egging her on.

“Do you guys want to come over after dinner tomorrow? Like, late night party?”

Next to him, Big Red is nodding enthusiastically as Carlos grins.

“I never don’t want that,” he tells her, making Ashlyn laugh. It feels good to be included with them in something again.

Big Red leans closer, a little quieter this time. “Should we keep it to a small group, or…” he sounded hesitant, so Carlos took it as a sign.

“Party at Ashlyn’s after Thanksgiving tomorrow, everyone’s invited!” he calls out to the room, and immediately people erupt into cheers. After the past few weeks they’ve had, everyone is in desperate need of a little celebration.

After everyone calms down and begins to exit, they begin to finish packing up and exiting the room, including Ashlyn and Big Red, with Red saying something about offering to help set up the party. Carlos is about to follow them out when Seb comes up to him.

He smiles as the boy approaches. “Hey, you going tomorrow?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he smiles softly. “I was actually wondering, though, if you maybe wanted to come over to my house today? Since you still owe me that coffee. The cows aren’t exactly the best partners to practice my lines with, and I think Georgie is getting a little tired of me bossing her around.”

Carlos laughs. “Yeah, of course. I would love to come over.”

As they’re walking down the hallway together, their hands bump together like they typically do when the two are walking together.

This time, though, he musters enough courage to reach out and take Seb’s hand. It feels like ever since homecoming, Seb has been the only one to initiate anything affectionate, and Carlos doesn’t want him feeling like he’s the only one who wants this, whatever this is. Next to him, Seb squeezes his hand softly, and he can see the tips of the other boy’s ears turning red.

They get in the car together as usual, pointed looks from Georgie at their joined hands ignored. Seb convinces her to stop once at Starbucks, so Carlos can fulfill his promise of buying him coffee (or, hot chocolate, actually) with only the promise of bringing her back a cake pop.

As they pull up in front of a small, off-white farmhouse with a barn behind it, Carlos realizes he hasn’t been to Seb’s house yet. They exit the car, and he follows Seb up the steps onto the wrap around porch.

Carlos is immediately surrounded by noise the moment he steps into the house. A mix of at least three or four different voices overlap the humming of a fan and the blare of the television in another room. There are also a few barks coming from two different dogs, both of which run up to greet the group as they enter. It’s the complete opposite of his own house, and he loves it.

Seb brings him into the kitchen long enough to throw away their cups while he introduces Carlos to his parents, as well as two more of his sisters before grabbing two apples, attempting to escape up to his room. Unfortunately, though, as they reach the stairs, Seb’s mom calls out. “Sebastian, sweetie, can you feed the cows for me?” she asks. “I have to finish making the pies for tomorrow.”

“Can’t Georgie do it? I’m kind of busy,” Seb sighs, gesturing towards Carlos as he faces his mom. Before she can reply, Georgie slips past the two of them and up the stairs, calling “Nope!” behind her.

His mom looks at her, then back at Seb. “Please?”

Seb sighs again, looking over at Carlos, apology in his eyes. “Do you mind?” he asks, handing Carlos one of the apples.

“Not at all,” Carlos smiles in an attempt to make him feel better. “You can introduce me to all of your cows.”

That seems to cheer him up enough fro Seb to lead out, behind the house, and towards the barn that Carlos had noticed when they first pulled up. It’s painted a dark red, almost brown, and the wood is a bit faded. He can already hear the cows inside making noise without having even entered yet.

When they do enter, it’s exactly what he’s expecting. He’s been to a farm before when he was a lot younger, so the stereotypical red barn with each cow in their specific pen doesn’t come as any surprise to him.

Seb goes around, gently pouring food from a bucket for them, introducing them as he does so. It’s cute watching him work, and he has an impressive amount of musical pun names for them, but he feels bad for not helping.

“Is there anything I can do?” he offers after a few more moments of silently following Seb around while he eats his apple.

“Oh, sorry, is this boring?” he turns, blushing slightly. “I should be done soon, I’m sorry for making you wait-”

“No, it’s fine!” Carlos explains quickly, cutting him off. “I just feel bad standing around behind you.”

Seb shrugs. “It’s fine if you’re okay, I wasn’t expecting to have to do chores this early. Is there anything I can get you while you wait?”

“No, I’m good,” he smiles. It’s always good around Seb.

He finishes up, the two of them idly chatting while he does so. Seb even manages to convince him to pet one of the babies, a new calf named Beyonce (courtesy of Georgie, which Carlos of course adored.)

He admittedly was a bit scared of farm animals growing up, but watching Seb do his chores with them was able to ease his mind enough for him to at least pet one. (As for picking her up, which Seb did offer, Carlos thinks he’ll hold off on.)

They walk back to the house together, hand in hand like they were on the way to Georgie’s car earlier. It feels totally natural to just slip his hand into Seb’s at this point, and Carlos wonders what would happen if he just brought the situation up to him.

He’s been trying to figure out how since the night after homecoming, but with the Miss Jenn situation, he never found a chance to do it earlier. It leaves him thinking over every moment they have together at night, wondering how he could naturally bring up the subject. Every moment he spends with Seb alone, though, he forgets himself. All cognitive thought disappears when the boy gets within six feet of him.

He’s pretty sure Seb likes him. No, he’s definitely sure of it, considering the boy’s hand currently in his. More than anything he wants to be able to call Seb his boyfriend. How to get to the point of asking that, though, is where you lose him. It’s unfortunate that he’s not close enough to Nini or anyone who’s actually done the whole relationship thing because he has no one to help him out.

Oh well, though. There are some things he has to figure out on his own, and luckily he’s with a perfect person to do it with. He will figure it out. It’s just a matter of when.

When they enter the house, Seb lets go of his hand in favor of opening the door for Carlos, ushering him up to his room. It takes him a minute to figure out which room was his, considering the five different doors in the hallway, all painted white and slightly chipping. When Seb reaches the top of the stairs, though, he takes his hand again and leads him to one of the last doors in the hall.

He closes the door behind them, and Carlos turns to admire the room. The walls of Seb’s are a soft green. A dark wood-framed bed with an off-white comforter and patterned with little leaves and flowers is pushed into the corner of the room, the afternoon sun streaming in through one of the windows and lighting up the center of the room.

A few decorations hung along the walls; various art prints, playbills from local shows, and printed photos with memories that lined the room. Carlos couldn’t help but admire them for a few moments, laughing silently at younger Seb smiling widely at the camera with his siblings or friends. Nothing about that smile had changed.

There were a few recent ones on the wall as well. He notices one of Seb and Natalie during auditions, as well as one of their failed jumps for the playbill, and even a couple from homecoming. It makes his heart flutter when he sees one of the two of them dancing together, a photo Ashlyn had snapped and sent to the both of them after the dance. Seeing the two of them together like that makes his stomach flip in a good way.

Carlos recognizes a desk on the other side of the room from their FaceTime calls. It’s made of the same dark wood as his bed and dresser are. Currently, it looks like a High School Musical shrine, covered with stuff for their show. He smiles when he notices the ‘Sharpay’ name card that Seb had apparently taken from the read through. (Carlos had taken his home as well, it was currently pinned to his corkboard.)

Behind him, Seb digs his script out of his backpack. “Do you mind reading for Ryan? I want to rehearse page 74. I keep tripping up on it during rehearsal,” he asks.

Carlos pulls out his own script, flipping to the page as he sits down at the end of Seb’s bed. The scene towards the end of the show when Sharpay and Ryan are plotting to change the timing of the callback. He’s already familiar with the script after countless meetings with Miss Jenn for blocking discussion. Plus, as amazing as Seb is when he’s acting, Carlos has noticed him trip over the lines a couple times now that Miss Jenn has them off-book.

Just as they’re about to start, the door bursts open and Georgie leans against the doorway, “You know you’re not supposed to have the door closed when you have a boy over,” she says slyly, making both boys blush despite not even being close to each other.

“We’re running lines,” Seb tells her, doing his best to glare with his face heated up. “So unless you want to join and hear me run the same scene over and over again-”

“I’ll save it for opening night,” Georgie cuts off, rolling her eyes teasingly before turning.

Once she leaves (closing the door behind her,) Carlos opens his script backup to the scene. Across the room, Seb places his open script behind him on the desk before gesturing towards him to start off the conversation.

“Wow, they sound good!” Carlos reads off, doing his best to portray the character as he reads the line out to Seb. He’s admittedly not the best actor, but he manages to at least keep what he hopes sounds like surprise in his voice.

Seb scoffs dramatically, and Carlos can already see him back in his Sharpay mindset. He leans to the side as if he’s listening to Troy and Gabriella practice in the room next door, before turning around to face him. “We have to do something.”

Carlos glances down at the page, but the next Ryan is for another couple of lines. He looks back up at Seb, nodding at him to keep going.

Seb squeezes his eyes shut, tilting his head towards the ceiling as he racks his brain for the lines. “Our callback is on Thursday, and the basketball game and scholastic decathlon are on Friday,” he says hesitantly, rolling his shoulders as he gets back into character. Carlos continues to nod along encouragingly.

“It’s too bad all the events aren’t happening on the same day, at the same time!” he finishes slyly with one hand on his hip, voice dripping with sass and the general fabulous tone Sharpay radiates.

He’s so perfect for this role that Carlos almost forgets to keep going. “That wouldn’t work out because then Troy and Gabriella wouldn’t be able to make the callba…” he trails off, as Seb shakes his head slightly, giving him wide, condescending eyes in perfect Sharpay fashion

“I’m proud to call you my sis- brother,” Carlos corrects himself at the very second, and he can see Seb biting his cheek to keep from smiling.

“I know,” he finishes, then pretends to whip his non-existent long hair, making them both laugh.

The scene goes on for them still after this when Miss Darbus is supposed to go on stage, and while Carlos could easily read for both roles for Seb, instead he puts his script down in favor of clapping softly for the boy. “You’re doing amazing, Seb!”

Seb smiles softly, but it’s soon replaced by a tense half-smile as he drops down next to Carlos. “I’m never going to remember all these lines,” he sighs, laying down back onto the bed. “The last role I played with anywhere close to this many lines was when I was the grasshopper in James and the Giant Peach in 7th grade.”

It makes Carlos smile, remembering one of the photos he noticed of Sebs in a dark green jacket and a top hat with antennas sticking out next to some other kids from what must have been the night of their show. It’s weird to think about their separate histories in theatre before ending up at the same school. Judging by the various playbills with Seb’s middle school on them, he must have been doing shows nearly his entire life.

Meanwhile, Carlos had barely been involved before coming to East High. He had auditioned for a few of his middle school shows, but he was almost always cast in ensembles. He much preferred being behind the scenes of the show anyway, and be able to witness the whole thing come together from every perspective.

Instead of dwelling on that, he holds out his hand to pull Seb back up to a sitting position. “You have nearly all your lines memorized, though!” he says. “Compared to Ricky or EJ, I think you’re doing fantastic. Plus your acting is on point, you would be able to pull off forgetting a line.”

“Really? I’m worried I’m making my Sharpay too nice. I always loved her too much as a kid to remember she’s a villain,”

“Trust me, it’s perfect,” Carlos laughs again. “And I agree, Sharpay is barely the villain in the show. The real villain is Gabriella.”

“Righ?!” Seb agrees, turning back around. “Especially in High School Musical 3! Gabriella already has her scholarship to Stanford, there’s nobody she has to impress with the show. The reason she didn’t get that Juilliard scholarship is because they made a fool of her on stage, and then Gabriella stole the show as always, and now she’s stuck in Albuquerque for the rest of her life.”

Carlos bites his lip, trying to keep from smiling.

“What?” Seb asks when he notices.

“It’s just… I’ve never seen High School Musical 2 or 3 all the way through,” he admits.

“What?!” Seb says again, but this time more distraught. “You’re telling me you’ve only seen the worst movie of the trilogy?”

It makes Carlos gasp and laugh at the same time. “HSM 1 is a classic! I refuse to believe the sequels of movies can ever top the first one.”

“Okay, I agree, but also High School Musical 2 is, like, every reason I ever wanted to be Sharpay.”

“I mean, I watched up until the end of Fabulous, but then I gave up on it,” Carlos explains.

Seb rolls his eyes teasingly, sitting back down next to Carlos. “Okay, at least you’re somewhat cultured. First chance we get after break, though, I am sitting you down and making you watch the second two movies with me,” he says, nudging Carlos’s shoulder with his own.

Carlos grins. “Deal,” he says, and now would be a perfect time to make a move and just kiss him, or bring up the whole situation, or do anything. But with Seb’s eyes locked with his, his heart is racing too fast to think properly at this moment, and the moment passes.

It’s progress, though.

(Kind of.)

—

7:45pm the night of Thanksgiving, and Carlos is just about to leave for Ashlyn’s party when he remembers something that’s been in his closet for years.

Ever since he had watched the movies when he was younger, not knowing he would one day be able to create his own version of the show, he wanted a way to express his obsession with the movies. And with that, High School Musical: the Choosical had been born. Granted, at 5 years old, his summer project was more of his mom’s project.

Still, his family had stopped playing it after he had brought it out every night for weeks until they all memorized every question, so he hadn’t played since that summer he made it. No better night than tonight to bring it out again now that he has his own version of the cast to play it with.

“Are you ready to go, mijo?” he hears his mom call up the stairs just as he’s contemplating whether or not to bring it. Before he can second guess himself too much, Carlos grabs the folded red cardboard off of the top shelf of his closet and heads out the door.

As Carlos walks downstairs, his mom raises her eyebrows amusedly at the game in his hands. “Haven’t seen that one in a while,” she says, grinning at him

He smiles, rolling his eyes at her. “Well, it’s not like I’ve had an excuse to take it out in 10 years.”

“Better them than me. I could probably win an episode of Jeopardy with just High School Musical trivia,” she laughs as she opens the door.

After he’s seated with the Choosical safely in his lap, Carlos pulls out his phone just as his phone buzzes with a text from Seb.

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: everyone’s here! just missing you :) <3

Carlos has to keep from smiling too much at the text as he replies to avoid any questions from his mom.

From: Carlos Rodriguez: omw now! tell ash im sorry im late but im bringing smth

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: oh? should i be scared?

From: Carlos Rodriguez: no!! I think ur gonna like it :)

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: guess i better trust you on this one. luckily- i always trust you! :)

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: text me when you get here!!

Even as he gets closer to the cast, and even after having seen him just yesterday, it still makes his chest tight whenever Seb seems excited to see Carlos. It always instills him with confidence to know he likes Carlos back at least somewhat the same way he likes Seb. Perhaps that confidence could take him a long way tonight…

Carlos has to put his phone down, forcing himself to think about something else as he stares out the window and attempts to stop his cheeks from heating up. As much as he loves to daydream about the possibility of having a relationship with Seb, he’s pretty sure his mom knows something is up between the two of them. He doesn’t want to talk to her about it before he knows for sure that it’s real.

Instead, his mind drifts to the party. He hopes he wasn’t being too forward when he invited the entire drama club to come, but he couldn’t help seizing the opportunity when he saw it. Thankfully, everyone seemed excited, including Ashlyn who has to deal with having two dozen theatre kids all in her living room.

It’s not the high school party like the one in shows and movies, he knows that much already. He’s already positive there won’t be drinking because if anything happens it could potentially endanger the show, and, honestly, he’s kind of happy that there won’t be. (Not to mention that theatre kids with sugar are already bad enough.) But it is his first ever party, which has to count for something. If there’s any night for a couple of firsts, it’s tonight.

The car pulls up to what he assumes is Ashlyn’s house, judging by the cars lined on the street and the lights on inside. Carlos shoots Seb a quick text before leaning over to kiss his mom on the cheek, promising to call her when he needs a ride home. He then carefully climbs out of the car, the Choosical still in hand, and makes his way up to the front door.

Just as Carlos is trying to figure out how to open the door without tilting the game so all the pieces fall out (again, never ended up coming up with a better way to store it,) the door opens. In the doorway stands Seb in a pink button up.

“Long time no see, Rodriguez- oh, do you want help with that?” Seb says, eyes drawing from Carlos’s face down to the box in his hand, playful grin turning into delighted confusion. He offers out a hand, but Carlos waves it away.

“As long as you don’t close the door on me, we should be good.”

“Is that your mom?” he asks Carlos, gesturing behind him.

Carlos smiles. “Yup. I think she’s just checking to make sure this is the right house.”

Seb glances over Carlos’s shoulder, grinning as he waves at the car before he ushers him inside the house. No doubt Carlos would be hearing about that later on.

Instead, he focuses his attention on the rest of the cast and crew that are already seated in Ashlyn’s living room.

“The party may begin!” Carlos announces, Seb closing the door behind him.

“Carlos!” Ashlyn emerges from what must be the kitchen judging by the bowl of food in her hand. She passes it off to Kaden, though, and reaches out to help bring the game in. “Woah, okay, you know it’s a potluck and not catering, right?”

“This is not food,” he promises.

“Oh, good, I thought it was pizza. Too much lactose,” Big Red chimes in, causing a few scattered laughs.

Carlos sets the game down on the table, unlatching the velcro strip his mom had attached to it to keep everything in place. As he unfolds the game, gasps come from nearly every person in the room as they stare at the game.

“What is that?” he hears Big Red say among the excited mumbles.

“This is something I’ve been waiting many long years to share with the world,” he explains while the cast fiddles with all the pieces and admires the different tiles on the board. It boosts his confidence when he finally says, “you guys, this is High School Musical: the Choosical. ”

Ashlyn laughs giddily. “The what, now?” she asks, causing a few others to laugh as well.

Carlos grins, his chest warming as he finally gets to debut his childhood creation. “Okay, so when I was a child, I wanted to go into the movie. But the movie was on a screen.”

“He’s not wrong,” Seb adds.

“So, I decided to create the next best thing: an interactive, hyperactive HSM experience that can be played by children and adults everywhere in the world…” he pauses, then, “as long as they lived in my bedroom.”

“Wait so you’ve had this for ten years?” Big Red asks.

“And I’ve never actually played it,” he says. Well, never actually played it the way he always imagined. It’s not exactly the best game when only two people are playing.

“Okay, we’ll totally play it!” Ashlyn says, and everyone else murmurs an excited agreement.

“I’m gonna cry!” Carlos says, (jokingly, although part of him wants to in a good way.) He then rummages through his pockets, where he had put all the cards and the figurines before he left his house, so they didn’t fall out of the game during transfer.

“There are two teams. The East High Wildcats-” he explains, pulling out the little toy cheetah (the closest thing he could get to a leopard). “-Or the West High Knights,” he says, this time with a knight figurine. “So, sort yourselves.”

Everyone talks excitedly among themselves as they decide who’s on which team. Seb, unfortunately, has to move from where he was sitting next to Carlos, to on the floor with the rest of the Wildcats team— the team Carlos always insisted on being while playing when he was younger.

Meanwhile, he notices Ashlyn shyly going to sit next to Big Red. Carlos vaguely remembers Red offering to set up before the party, and wonders if something happened before the party while no one else was around. He makes a mental note to ask her about it later.

“Wait, who goes first?” Big Red asks.

“Oh,” Carlos says, realizing he never actually figured out that detail. Usually, when he played with his mom, she would just let him go first.

“Coin toss?” Nini suggests. A few people nod in agreement, and after a bit of rummaging around, Ashlyn offers up a quarter to Carlos.

He takes it, then turns to the Wildcats team. “Pick a side.”

“Heads!” Seb calls out.

“I guess we’re tails then,” Ashlyn says in reference to the Knights, though nobody seems to object.

Carlos flips the coin.

Tails.

“West High Knights go first,” he announces, and the right side of the room cheers. Across the coffee table, Seb just smiles as he shrugs, mouthing ‘whoops!’ to Carlos.

Just as they’re about to start, Ashlyn announces that EJ had just texted her that he’s on his way. They decide to wait to start the game until he, as well as Ricky and Gina, arrive. A few people stand up, gravitating towards the kitchen for more drinks or just to stretch their legs. Carlos is tempted to go find a way to squeeze in next to Seb for a bit, but he looks deep in conversation with Steph. He just talked to him yesterday, anyway.

Instead, he decides to strike up a conversation with Big Red, who’s across the coffee table.

“Hey, Red, how’s your day been?” he asks, causing Big Red to look up from his phone in surprise. (To be fair, they’ve never really interacted themselves before if Ashlyn or Ricky wasn’t around.)

“Oh,” he smiles. “It was all right. My parents have been napping on and off since noon, so I’m glad we have this party.”

Carlos matches his grin. “Same. Did you come early?”

“Uh, yeah, I did. Ashlyn wanted help bringing all the sodas in, and I offered to help since crew is basically all about carrying around heavy stuff.”

It makes Carlos laugh. It’s not exactly all that crew is about, but sometimes it does feel a little bit just like that. Plus whenever he brings up theatre without the presence of Ricky, it makes Carlos happy to hear he’s not the only one who found a new family this year.

“How’s Ashlyn?” he asks, suddenly deciding to try and draw some details about her from him. “I haven’t really talked to her since rehearsal yesterday, and just now when I walked in.”

“Oh, she’s good, I think,” he says, flushing slightly at the question. “I mean, I don’t really know, but she seems good.”

“Cool,” Carlos smiles, nodding. Interesting… Perhaps he won’t be the only one this year spawning a new potentially romantic relationship

“How’s Seb? I know you two are like… a thing,” Red says suddenly, and this time it’s Carlos’s turn to blush. He knew Ashlyn thought they were together, but he didn’t realize that other people may have thought the same.

“What do you mean?”

Big Red glances over at Seb, then back at Carlos as he speaks. “I mean, like… you guys are dating, right?”

“Uh, no? I mean, well… no. I don’t think so. But, also, like, kinda? It’s complicated,” he rambles. “We’re not. But, like, yet. We could be. I don’t know really.”

“Oh,” Big Red says, shrugging. Judging by his blank stare, Carlos honestly thinks that his words may have gone through one ear and out the other. “Alright, cool. You would be good together, though.”

“Thanks,” Carlos replies. He’s definitely bright red at this point.

Thankfully, they’re saved by Gina and Ricky walking in together. Excited chatter starts up again as members of the cast call them over to sit with the rest of the West High Knights, who had ended up being slightly smaller compared to the Wildcats. Carlos settles back down in his spot on the floor, pulling each different deck of category cards out of his jacket before calling everyone to attention.

“Okay, okay you guys, okay!” he calls, and excited chatter turns to shushing as everyone quotes down to hear him explain the rules.

He points to each deck of cards as he speaks, each sporting one of his favorite characters on the label. “There are four basic categories. The Getcha Head in the Frame Trivia Challenge, the Bop ‘Till You Drop Dance Challenge, Sync to the Status Quo Lip Sync Challenge, and Looking for Glee, which I thought would be a fun name for the singing challenge because when I was a kid I was obsessed with the show.”

A few people laugh, but not in a judgemental way, including the newly arrived EJ, who tells him, “hey, it still holds up.”

“Oh, good, I thought you guys were gonna judge me,” Carlos admits with a laugh, causing a few murmured reactions, all sounding like it’s obvious that they wouldn’t. (Not that they have exactly the best track record of not judging Carlos, but it’s reassuring to at least hear their opinions on the game.)

He gets back on track, pointing to the left side of the room. “Okay, so Knights, you won the coin toss, so you guys get to pick the first challenge.”

They talk among themselves but eventually surface with Ashlyn being their chosen spokesperson. “We’re gonna Look for Glee.”

“Excellent,” Carlos says in his best dramatic game show host voice. He picks a card from the deck before clearing his throat and reading the question. “As fast as you can, please sing the lyrics to ‘What I’ve Been Looking For’ to the rhythm of ‘Getcha Head in the Game’... go!”

They sputter for a moment before Ashlyn and Red take the lead, rapping out the lyrics while Ricky sings out the ‘Getcha Head in the Game’ rhythm. It’s messy, and half the time they don’t even get the lyrics right, but it’s good enough to complete the challenge and leaves the rest of the cast laughing at the group. They end the song, clearly very proud of themselves, and everyone else still in tears at their performance.

“That was terrible,” EJ wheezes, followed by Seb’s joyful “I’m so happy.”

“Congratulations,” Carlos says, collecting himself as he turns to the team. “You get to move four spaces closer to center stage at East High!”

The Knights cheer as Red leans forward to move their knight across the board, much to the disagreement of the Wildcats.

Ignoring EJ’s “they get four spaces for that?”, Carlos continues the game, turning to the left side of the room.

“Okay, Wildcats. Take a spin,” he tells them.

EJ leans forward, spinning the Game of Life wheel that was attached to the center of the board that decided how many spaces they would move, before settling back in the chair. “Alright, we’re gonna bop.”

“Okay. Pick one member from each team,” Carlos says dramatically.

Both teams turn to talk among themselves, voices growing as they debate who to send up. After a moment, EJ and Ricky stand up at the same time. Realizing it’s already too late to switch them out without it being awkward, the room grows silent except for a quiet “oh, boy,” from Seb.

“Your challenge is to stare at your partner and do the Sharpay and Ryan warm-up thing for 60 seconds straight without laughing…” he trails off, regarding the two boys. “Or killing each other.”

Their competitive nature makes for thick tension between them, as well as all the Nini drama, but Carlos already knows that’ll just make for a more interesting game. (As long as they don’t literally kill each other.

“Okay, go!”

Both of them start the dramatic warm up, making the buzzing noises with their lips, then shouting “Ma!” as they flick their hands at each other like there’s water on them, just like from the movie. It becomes increasingly clear within the first few seconds that nobody can take them seriously like this, including them. Before long, everyone is once again doubled over with laughter.

It’s not even the hilarity of the situation that makes Carlos smile wide. Knowing that his game (and indirectly, himself) brings this much joy and laughter to the cast and crew is enough.

—

After many rounds of Choosical, including Seb doing his best Sharpay impression while reading Chad’s monologue to Troy from the first movie, Gina destroying everyone at movie trivia, Ashlyn giving a dramatic reading of ‘When There Was Me and You’, and Ricky doing as many jazz squares as he could in a minute, which ended in him tripping over himself and collapsing on the floor, the two teams were one tile away from the end of the board. Meaning, it was time for a tiebreaker.

“Okay, you guys!” Carlos says, calling for everyone’s attention, which was working better tonight than it ever did during rehearsal. “According to the Musical Choosical Handbook of Rulesicals-”

“Stop it,” EJ interrupts, though his tone is harmless and everybody laughs.

He continues. “The only way to resolve a tie at the end of regulation play is with a lightning speed round of Getcha Head in the Frame Trivia questions.”

A few oooh’s echo around the room as everybody sits back, preparing to show off their respective HSM knowledge.

“Are you ready?” Carlos asks, holding up the deck. “Because people have been known to cry during this.”

“I thought you had never actually played-” Seb starts, but Carlos cuts him off.

“Honey, not today of all days.”

Seb’s eyes widen, but he gives Carlos a soft smile as a feel people nudge him teasingly.

Carlos doesn’t even realize the pet name he used until he turns to see Ashlyn and Big Red giving him matching pointed looks. It was an accident, really. Ever since working with Miss Jenn, the names have started to slip out without him realizing. He realizes now, with Seb, though, that it means something totally different.

“Okay, here we go,” he starts, fighting back any heat creeping to his cheeks as he reads the question. “Name both jersey numbers Troy wears in the movie.”

Right away, Big Red answers. “Oh, uh, fourteen and ten!”

Carlos doesn’t even register who answered until he looks up, but when he does, he’s shocked. No wonder he and Ashlyn get along so well. Turns out, Big Red is a High School Musical nerd just like the rest of them.

Speaking of Ashlyn, she’s just as shocked as Carlos. “How did you know that? I didn’t even know that!”

“Correct!” Carlos moves on. “How does Gabriella describe herself when she’s complaining to her mom?”

Ashlyn jumps up. “Oh! As the school’s freaky genius girl.”

“And do people usually talk like that?”

“They do not!”

“Correct!” he says with a laugh, before turning back to the left side of the room. “Wildcats! Whose red tie does Ms. Darbus compliment at auditions?”

Expressions drop as everyone falters for a moment, trying to remember the audition scene in the movie since it’s not part of their show.

Just as it seems like nobody will get the answer, EJ speaks up. “Allen?”

Carlos grins. “Yes!”

People turn in surprise to EJ, before breaking out with praise for him.

He holds up his phone. “I looked it up on my phone, you guys. I can’t stop cheating, I’m sorry!”

Praise turns to groans, as everyone grills him on cheating.

“EJ…” he trails off, vaguely remembering seeing a few Instagram stories from him earlier in the day when he was talking about cheating at water polo. Not one of his best moves. Apparently, it’s a common theme for him. Honestly, Carlos is just surprised he never got caught.

“Well, the West High Knights have a chance to steal,” he pulls attention back to the game. “What is the name of the girl who pops and locks.”

Immediately, Gina hops up. “I love to pop and lock and jam and break!” she sings, mocking Martha’s movements from the movie much to the delight of the others.

“Martha Cox!” she answers afterward, dropping her arms.

Everybody laughs, and Carlos reaches for the handful of confetti he pocketed.

“West High Knights win!” he announces, throwing it into the air, and the right side of the room erupts into cheers.

“You, my dear, get this homemade Scholastic Decathlon ribbon,” he presents to Gina. It’s a little prop he’s had for a while, although never had any real use for. “Careful, it’s a straight pin, and was never sanitized,” he explains as he attempts to pin it onto her.

“Ooh, wait, everybody get in!” Gina pulls her phone out of her pocket and holds it up so the surrounding castmates can lean in for a selfie. It’s not the best angle or lighting, but it makes everybody laugh.

Once the photo is taken, she brings her phone back down to type out a number. “Okay, hold on, I need to share this honor with my loved ones.”

“You gotta stop moving, this is the price we pay for beauty,” Carlos jokes as he tries not to stab her while attaching the pin.

Someone picks up on her phone, though, and she holds it up to her ear just as he finishes pinning it. “Mom, mom, mom, okay, two things. One, I was just crowned the queen of crazytown. And two, can I spend the night at Ashlyn’s house?”

“Um, it’s actually the queen of East High,” Carlos corrects, settling back down in his spot on the floor.

She shushes him, then “sorry, mom, I can’t hear you,” she tells her. She pulls the phone off her ear and holds it out, tapping a button. “Okay, mom, you’re on speaker. Say happy Thanksgiving to my mom everyone!”

“Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Oh! Same to all of you!” Ms. Porter says, then a little quieter, “Gina, honey, can you take me off speaker?”

—

“Hey, are you heading out?” Seb asks as Carlos is packing up the game. After Gina left abruptly, followed by Ricky and Nini, the party pretty much winded down. Carlos didn’t know the full story, but from what it sounded like, Gina may be moving again. Already.

“Yeah, I’m just getting everything together,” Carlos says, shrugging on his jacket. “Mood kind of dropped.”

Seb picks up the Choosical carefully and hands it to him once he has his jacket on. “Do you need a ride.”

“My mom is on her way already. We could go sit outside together, though? I think I saw a porch swing out there.”

Seb nods. They go up to Ashlyn together, saying goodbye and thanking her for hosting. Seb allows Carlos to lead the way out the door since he was carrying the game.

“I feel bad for Gina,” Seb says, walking down to the swing at the end of the porch. “I know she had kind of a rough start, but she was starting to fit in well.”

Carlos sets the game down on the porch steps so he doesn’t accidentally drop it while they’re swinging. He then goes to sit down next to Seb. “Do you really think she’s going to move?”

He draws one knee up to his chest. “I don’t know. I mean, her mom is her only family. It’s not really like Gina has another option if she leaves.”

“Yeah. I get it, though. It’s not easy only having one parent.”

“What happened to your dad?” Seb asks softly, glancing at him without turning his head.

It’s hard to make out his features with the porch light all the way at the door as their only source of light, but he already knows what Seb is giving him. It’s the same one everyone gives when they ask. Like Carlos might break.

He takes a deep breath, heart beating hard against his chest like it’s trying to break out and run away. It’s not his favorite topic.

“When I was around three, he just… left. Sent her divorce papers a little while later or whatever. I don’t really know the reason why, but I guess he didn’t want this, with me and my mom.” Carlos says, spreading his hands. “He lives outside of Salt Lake. I think he has kids, but I’ve never met them or his wife. The few times I’ve visited, they weren’t there. I don’t visit anymore, though.”

Seb is quiet for a moment. Then, “Well, that sucks- he sucks. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

Carlos shrugs. “Yeah, well, it’s not a big deal. I have my mom, and I don’t think she has any plans of bringing me across the country at a week's notice, so there’s that.”

It’s enough of a joke to make Seb laugh, or maybe it’s just an excuse for him to take Carlos’s hand. “That’s good because I don’t know how I’d feel about you leaving.”

“Same applies to you,” he says, squeezing Seb’s hand gently. “You still have two High School Musical’s to show me.”

Seb laughs. “And then you can write some new Choosical questions! Although, that trivia kicked my butt! How was I supposed to know who was wearing a red tie in the first movie during the audition scene?”

“By watching the original 37 times instead of wasting time on the sequels.” Carlos nudges his knee.

“Watching the sequels is not wasting time! I think the moment you see ‘I Don’t Dance’, you’ll change your mind,” Seb insists.

“I guess we’ll have to see!”

“Speaking of the trivia…” Seb trails, scooting closer. Instantly, Carlos’s stomach flips. “Or more the moment, really. Um, you called me ‘honey’?” he asks, clearly blushing although acting like everything’s normal and not like he initiated the conversation Carlos had been thinking about all night.

“Yeah, it was kind of an accident, but, um,” he falters trying to find the words. Carlos is suddenly very aware that he’s currently holding Seb’s hand, and that Seb is sitting close enough to him that their thighs are pressed together. If he’s going to do anything tonight, it’s going to happen now.

Finally, he speaks. “What is this?” he asks, nodding his head at his hands.

“What do you mean?”

“Like… what are we?”

Seb glances up at him. “What do you want us to be?”

“Together,” Carlos says before he loses his courage. “Like, dating together, If you want, I mean. Or we can keep doing whatever this is and pretend this didn’t happen-”

“Carlos,” he interrupts. “That’s what I want, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I just didn’t know how to ask. But that’s what I’ve wanted for a while.”

“Me too,” Carlos breathes. “Since homecoming.

“Maybe a little before then, too,” Seb smiles, making him smile too. He suddenly bites his lip before dropping his head on Carlos’s shoulder, bursting into giggles.

“What?”

“Georgie has been not-so-subtly rooting for us forever. She’s going to freak when I tell her you’re my boyfriend,” he explains.

“Car rides will never be the same Carlos laughs, too, although he can feel his cheeks flushing at the word boyfriend. It’s absolutely everything he could hope for, and they’ve been officially dating for less than a minute

Seb lifts his head after a moment, locking eyes with Carlos. His eyes look nearly black. Their heads are definitely closer together now. In fact, if Carlos just-

A honk sounds from somewhere in the street, and he pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket.

“Oh, whoops,” he laughs, showing Seb the stream of missed messages from his mom that she was here.

“At least she didn’t come up here,” Seb points out, squeezing their still-clasped hands.

They stand up together, having to let their hands go so Carlos can go grab the Chooscial and head to his mom’s car. Before he can make it to the steps, though, Seb grabs his arm and pulls him back.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Carlos,” he says.

Carlos grins, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek like Seb did on his porch the night of homecoming.

“Happy Thanksgiving, honey,” he says, this time purposely using the pet name. Seb blushes, still visible even in the dark of the night. He squeezes Carlos’s hand one last time before letting him turn to pick up his game and get into his mom’s car.

“Sorry that I’m late. I was… talking. I didn’t see your messages,” he explains as he gets into the front seat.

His mom shrugs it off. She’s always been pretty chill about these things as long as he’s safe and lets her know where he is. “Was the party good, mijo?” she asks instead.

“Yeah,” Carlos says, only blue eyes and blonde hair on his mind. His boyfriend. “Yeah, it was great.”

#seblos #seb matthew smith #carlos rodriguez #hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #my writing #not a star

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asexual-hugger · 4 years ago

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Christmas is approaching in the small village that Allison McQueen grew up in. She recognizes the decorated trees lining the snow-covered ground instantly, along with the giant Christmas tree erected in the middle of the square. Every year, she and her family join in caroling around this tree as a tradition to bring in the holidays and as part of the annual tree-lighting celebration. This year, however, Allison hopes to include a very special guest in the family village tradition: her big-city boss from London, Detective Ernest Sinclaire.

She steps out of the carriage that she took into town, breathing in the all-too-familiar scents of pine, spice and peppermint. Ahhh, Christmas. Her favorite holiday of the year. Her parents were overly thrilled that she was coming home to spend the holiday with them, and even more so when she told them that Detective Sinclaire would be joining her. Lord Sebastian and Lady Eleanor had remembered the handsome young private investigator very fondly, and Lady Eleanor, along with the youngest member of the McQueen clan, Allison’s brother Kade, had secretly hoped they would set eyes on him again. This time, it would be the full family under one roof, since the two oldest brothers, Dominic and Harry, would be taking time off work to celebrate with their loved ones.

Allison had not seen either of her two oldest brothers in months. She felt excited, but also nervous. How would Dom and Harry respond to seeing a private detective bunking in with them? Allison had mentioned to them via group text that one Detective Ernest Sinclaire was going to visit this year for Christmas and that he was her boss at work, but the most she could receive as a response was “OK,” from both of them. They were either too busy to give a full response or they just decided to run with it for now.

I’m sure I’ll get the stranger danger lecture from both of them once I get home, she thinks. Dom and Harry were notorious like that: anyone they didn’t know that their little sister got involved with or brought home with her immediately caused Older Brother High Protective Gear mode. They loved Allison dearly, and the last thing they wanted was to see someone hurt her.

They don’t know Detective Sinclaire like I do, Allison continues silently. He’s my boss. Our relationship is purely platonic and professional. He wouldn’t hurt me. Ever.

Still, she plans out what she’s going to tell her brothers the moment they begin to blab.

She walks into the town square to admire the giant tree and the colorful display of Christmas lights lining the shops and bushes all around. Everything is alive and cheery for the season. Families are laughing and walking around, Christmas music playing through speakers and causing some people to sing. Not being able to control her Christmas spirit, Allison starts to sing the lyrics to the instrumental We Wish You a Merry Christmas filtering out from the entrance to a jewelry store. Her breath comes out in white steam before her, catching under the colored glow of the flashing red and green lights lining the windows. Soft snow has started to fall, making the moment even more magical.

“Wow! You have an amazing voice!” Allison jolts when she feels someone come up next to her, and she stops singing for a moment to find the man himself, Detective Ernest Sinclaire, brushing her shoulder. His cheeks are pink from the cold, he wears a black top hat and a scarf around his neck, and he’s staring at her with astonishment. His breath is ragged as if he’d been running, the white puffs of steam more noticeable than hers. “Oh, don’t stop on my account. Keep going. I was enjoying it immensely!”

“Detective, when did you get here?” Allison asks in surprise, looking around outside the square for any sign of his black patrol car.

“About a half hour before you,” Sinclaire responds. “And I didn’t drive this time. I took a bus. It dropped me off right at the edge of the village. I’ve been in the jewelry store looking for something to give my mum for Christmas. It’s nice and warm in there if you want to get out of this cold. I saw you standing outside and I came right out.” He fiddles with his thick jacket a bit nervously, his already-pink cheeks looking a bit more flushed. He flashes his million-megawatt smile at her. “I remember you told me you sang in the shower all the time, but I never knew you could SING! Your voice is incredible, Miss McQueen. How come you never sang for me?”

“Er, because it never seemed appropriate.” Allison flushes. “I mean: yes, I can sing, but I usually do it in the privacy of my apartment, in my shower or whenever I’m in the mood. Sure; I’ve sang in front of people before, but it was a long time ago. I haven’t had many opportunities recently. The closest I’ve gotten to performing is during the annual tree-lighting ceremony that we have here every year to bring in the holiday season. Our family has never missed a year. The town lights the big Christmas tree over there and everyone gathers around it and sings Christmas carols. I was hoping you’d join us this year since you’re considered a guest of our family.”

“Erggg.” Sinclaire grimaces, sucking in a breath through his teeth. “I’m not exactly the best singer. That was one gene that skipped over me when I was born. I tried when I was young, but I could never get these vocal cords to cooperate. Perhaps I could just stand next to you while they light the tree, and I can just listen to you singing. Your voice has more Christmas cheer than anyone’s out here. Do I HAVE to sing? Because if it’s a tradition in your family to participate, I can at least try, for your sake. You might want to bring earmuffs if you have any, because my voice sounds like squeaky pipes.”

Allison stifles a giggle as she forms a mental image in her mind of Detective Sinclaire trying to sing. “You don’t HAVE to sing,” she assures him. “It’s completely optional. We have plenty of people in the group that come to watch the tree light up and they just stand next to their friends and family while the others sing. Christmas isn’t about caroling or having the talent. It’s about the experience and spreading cheer with your loved ones. It’s about family, both blood and not. You being here is enough to celebrate Christmas. I get to spend the holidays with someone I care about. Dominic and Harry are going to be home, so you’ll have the chance to meet my whole family this time. Mum and Dad and Kade really liked you when you came with me to help on the farm last summer. They couldn’t stop talking about what a gentleman you were. Even Dad was impressed by you, and strangers RARELY impress him.”

“Well. I am quite pleased that I was able to make a positive impression,” Sinclaire says, feeling proud. “And I definitely cannot wait to meet your older brothers. I’m sure they are just as pleasant as the rest of your family.”

“Pleasant, and VERY protective,” Allison says. “In fact, I was just going over in my head what I was going to tell them when I arrived at the house. I sent a text message to each of them to tell them I was bringing you, so they’re probably going to start lecturing me the moment they see me.”

Sinclaire frowns. “Lecture you? Why?”

“That’s just how they are.” Allison shrugs. “Any man their little sister brings home has to get the Older Brother Seal of Approval. Because they’ve never met you, you’re considered Stranger Danger. I have to make sure you stay out of the Stranger Danger zone and inside the Welcome Zone. Luckily my parents and Kade can back you up. Dom and Harry don’t want to see me get hurt.”

“You know? I get it,” Sinclaire states. “I do, Miss McQueen. I know exactly what you’re saying. Protective older siblings are all too common in this world. I’m actually glad they’re so protective of you. If I had a younger sibling, I’d probably be protective of them, too. If you need help convincing your brothers that I’m worth their Seal of Approval, I’m willing to support that. I’ll even do the talking. Anything to make sure I’m not labeled as Stranger Danger. You do know that I’d never touch a hair on your head without your consent, I hope. I wouldn’t even DREAM of hurting you in ANY way, and if anyone out there DOES try to lay a finger on you, they’ll be staring down the barrel of my pistol in a flash.” He sweeps the right side of his long jacket aside, and Allison sees a flash of metal against his hip. “I never go anywhere without it. Holstered and secure, unless I have a reason to use it.” He gazes at her for a moment protectively.

Allison pulls out her phone. “I should probably get home,” she says. “I just wanted to see the town decorated before I went. Mum and everyone is probably wondering if I’m ever going to show up. I’m guessing everyone else is already there.”

“Well, then, allow me to walk you there.” Sinclaire looks at her hopefully, offering her his arm. “We are both going to the same place, after all. It’s pretty cold out, and I’m not letting you freeze.”

“Me? Well, what about you?” Allison asks, taking his arm. “You’re only human, Detective. You look pretty flushed yourself.”

“I was inside for the most part,” Sinclaire argues. “You look colder than I do, Miss McQueen. I think I should walk you home so you can get warm. We’re both freezing our toes off standing out here.”

#choices stories you play #desire and decorum #pixelberry #detective story #fanfic #tv show idea #choices game #play choices

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dustedmagazine · 5 years ago

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Dust Volume 6, Number 4

Guided by Voices just dropped record #30!

We enter April wishing all of you good health and financial solvency, though we know that many of the musicians and artists and appreciators that visit our site are in very dire circumstances. Our own crew is, so far, not infected, though we are coping with varying degrees of success to the new normal. Some are writing more. Others are struggling. Almost all of us are listening hard to the music that sustains us, and hope that you are likewise finding some solace. This edition of Dust is a big one, as a lot of us have the attention span for shorter, but not longer pieces. Enjoy it in good health. Contributors included Bill Meyer, Jennifer Kelly, Jonathan Shaw, Ian Mathers, Andrew Forell and Tim Clarke.

Aara — En Ergô Einai (Debemur Morti Productions)

En Ergô Einai by Aara

Swiss black metal band Aara offers a very high-concept LP, investigating the European Enlightenment, and the period’s complex and conflicting discourses on human rationality. In some ways, the historical period was enormously optimistic, featuring thinkers like Ben Franklin and Rousseau, who were committed to modes of thought that were scientifically rigorous and grounded in egalitarian ethics. But at the same time, European coloniality ramped up significantly, and capital became a rapacious, world consuming engine, churning out massive wealth and even more massive human suffering. Aara investigate that — or anyways that’s their claim. They haven’t published the lyrics to these songs, and the vocal stylings of singer Fluss are so brittle, so horrendously shrieked, that it’s impossible to decipher the words. The music is suggestive, however. It’s infused with a grand sensibility, and also charged with black metal’s negative intensities. The influence of Blut Aus Nord’s romantic Memoria Vetusta records is strongly present — and Vindsval, Blut Aus Nord’s principal composer, plays guitar on “Arkanum,” first track on this record. Its grandiosity is in tune with the philosophical enthusiasms of the Enlightenment. But it’s pretty cold stuff, like rationality itself.

Jonathan Shaw

Ryoko Akama / Apartment House — Dial 45-21-95 (2019) (Another Timbre)

Dial 45-21-95 by Ryoko Akama

The one time I saw Ryoko Akama’s music performed, the visual poetry of the concert was at least as compelling as the music that was made. During one piece she, Joseph Clayton Mills and Adam Sonderberg walked calmly up and down a line of tables loaded with instruments and knick-knacks she picked up during her visit to Chicago, making timely sounds that seemed to accent their movements rather than issue from them. While it sounded nothing like the music on Dial 45-21-95 (2019), this album is likewise the work of sympathetic musicians expressing a composer’s impressions of a place and all that comes with it. The source material this time comes from Akama’s visit to the archive of filmmaker Krzystof Kieslowski. Objects she saw, words that she read, and the episodic pacing of his works all became part of this cycle of leisurely, gentle movements of music that is small in scale, but not exactly minimalist. The musicians, in this case the English new music ensemble Apartment House, often seem to be passing phrases from one to another, each recipient conveying a reaction to what they’ve heard rather than the same information. In this way they impart the experience of a story without telling one.

Bill Meyer

Aidan Baker & Gareth Davis — Invisible Cities II (Karlrecords)

Invisible Cities II by Aidan Baker & Gareth Davis

What better time than when we’re all forbidden by pandemic to spend time in the company of others to listen to some quality sonic landscaping instead? Nadja’s ever-prolific Aidan Baker second duo collaboration with bass clarinetist Gareth Davis follows on the first Invisible Cities with a similar structure; Baker, credited on that first LP with just “guitar”, somehow summons up vast or subtle cloudbanks of hissing ambience, covert drones, even sometimes harsh blares (check out “The Dead” here) while Davis plays his clarinet like he’s carefully picking his way across a perilous set of ruins. Whether elegiac like the opening “Hidden” or more mysterious like the fading pulses threading around Davis’s work on “Eyes”, the result is a vividly evocative set of involving ambient music made using slightly unusual materials. Even though Baker and Davis fall into a set of background/foreground roles, both clearly contribute equally to what makes Invisible Cities II work so well (honestly, a little better than their fine debut as a duo), and although unintentional, the result can serve to give us temporary shut ins plenty of mental fodder as well.

Ian Mathers

The Bobby Lees — Skin Suit (Alive)

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The Bobby Lees may be from Woodstock, but they definitely do not have flowers in their hair. Skin Suit, the band’s second album, is a blistering onslaught of garage rock fury, at least as heated as last year’s Hank Wood and the Hammerheads S-T, but tighter, nearly surgically precise. Singer/guitarist Sam Quartin has a magnetic, unflappable presence, whether issuing threats sotto voce (“Coin”), insinuating sexual heat (“Redroom”) or crooning the blues. But everyone in the band is more than up to the job, whether Macky Bowman knocking the kit sidewise in the most disciplined way, Kendall Windall jacking the pressure with thundering bass or Nick Casa lighting off Molotov cocktails of guitar sound. Video (above) suggests that the record isn’t the half of it, but the record is pretty damned good. Jon Spencer produced and makes a characteristically unhinged cameo in “Ranch Baby.” Two covers ought to be a misfire—can anybody improve on Richard Hell’s “Blank Generation,” or add anything further to the Spencer Davis Group’s “I’m a Man”? — but instead bring the fire. Helluva a band, probably even better live.

Jennifer Kelly

Rob Clutton with Tony Malaby — Offering (Snailbongbong Records)

Offering by Rob Clutton with Tony Malaby

Sometimes when one musician gets top billing, that just means they ponied up for the session fees. But on Offering, the words “Rob Clutton with” signal that the Canadian double bassist conceived of a sound situation and procured material suited to that concept. Clutton is well acquainted with the American soprano and tenor saxophonist, Tony Malaby. Their association dates back two decades, when both men were resident artists at the Banff Centre For Arts and Creativity in Alberta, Canada, and they’re both members of drummer Nick Fraser’s band. That common ground gets the nod on “Sketch #11,” a Fraser tune that occasions some of the most swinging music on this wide-ranging and thoroughly satisfying session. But elsewhere the genesis of the material lies in Clutton’s own improvisations, which he recorded, transcribed and analyzed in order to locate nuggets of musical intelligence worth developing into discreet melodies — or further improvisations. Either way, Malaby isn’t just the guy on hand to play the horn parts, but a known musical quantity to be either be written for or set up to set loose. Clutton must have had his tone, alternately ample and pungent on soprano, and his imaginative responsiveness to the melodic, rhythmic, and emotional implications of a theme in mind, for his own purposeful perambulations seem designed to give Malaby plenty to wrap around and climb upon. While the music is ever spare, it’s never wanting.

Bill Meyer

Pia Fraus — Empty Parks (Seksound)

Empty Parks by Pia Fraus

Empty Parks, the latest album from Estonian neo-shoegazers Pia Fraus, deftly soundtracks crisp, blue-skied, late winter days when buds are emerging on bare trees and the promise of warmer days beckons. The Tallinn based band comprising Eve Komp (vocals, synth), Kärt Ojavee (synth), Rein Fuks (guitar, vocals, synth, percussion), Reijo Tagapere (bass), Joosep Volk (drums, electronic percussion) and Kristel Eplik (backing vocals) traffics in layered harmonies, swathes of synth and roving guitar lines over a solid, propulsive rhythm section. Most of the songs move along at a good clip with a great sense of dynamics and a focus on atmospherics. Sometimes one wishes they would let go a little and explore the hints of noise on standout tracks “Mr. Land Freezer,” “Nice And Clever” and “Australian Boots” which have traces of grit that, if given more prominence, may have elevated Empty Parks as a whole from enjoyable to compelling.

Andrew Forell

Stephen Gauci / Sandy Ewen / Adam Lane / Kevin Shea — Live at the Bushwick Series (Gaucimusic)

Gauci/Ewen/Lane/Shea, Live at the Bushwick Series by gaucimusic

The cultural losses inflicted by the current pandemic situation are so immense that no record review is going to hold the whole story. But this one might clue you in to one culture under unique threat, and also shine a light on the spirit that may bring it back again. Since the summer of 2017, tenor saxophonist Stephen Gauci has been organizing a concert series at the Bushwick Public House in Brooklyn, NY. Each Monday starting at 7 PM up to half a dozen individuals or ensembles will play some variant of jazz or improvised music. This album is the first in a series of five titles, all released as either downloads or CDRs with nicely done sleeves, and each documenting a set that was part of the series. Live at the Bushwick Series is a forceful argument for the mixing of aesthetics. You might know drummer Kevin Shea from the conceptually comedic jazz band, Mostly Other People Do The Killing, or Gauci and Lane from the many recordings that showcase each man’s impassioned playing and rigorous compositions. Maybe you know guitarist Sandy Ewen as a started-from-scratch free improviser. But when you hear this recording, you’ll know that they are a band, one that makes cohesive and ferocious music on full of tectonic friction and fluid role-swapping on the fly. When the quarantines expire, there may or may not be a concert series, or a Bushwick Public House to host it. But it’ll take the kind of commitment and invention heard here to get things rolling again.

Bill Meyer

Vincent Glanzmann / Gerry Hemingway — Composition O (Fundacja Sluchaj)

Composition O by Vincent Glanzmann / Gerry Hemingway

A composition is both an ending and a beginning. It establishes some parameters, however specifically, to guide musicians’ interactions. But the publishing of a piece can also provoke many different interpretations, especially when the composition itself is designed to be a work in progress. Percussionists Vincent Glanzmann and Gerry Hemingway developed Composition O with the intent to revise each time they play it, so that while there is a graphic score guiding them, it is subject to change. So, don’t expect this music to have the locked-in quality of, say, Steve Reich’s Music for Eighteen Musicians, any more than you might expect it to evince the self-creating form of a free improvisation. It proceeds quite deliberately through sections of athletic stick-craft, sonorous rubbing, and eerie extensions beyond the percussive realm enabled by the distorting properties of microphones and the deeply human communication of Hemingway’s vocalizations, which are filtered by a harmonica. The score keeps things organized; the concept means that this music will evolve and change.

Bill Meyer

Magnus Granberg / Insub Meta Orchestra — Als alle Vögel sangen mein Sehnen und Verlangen (Insub)

Als alle Vögel sangen mein Sehnen und Verlangen by MAGNUS GRANBERG / INSUB META ORCHESTRA

In a previous review for Dusted, I characterized Magnus Grandberg’s sound world as “unemphatic.” The same applies here, and the accomplishment of that effect is in direct inverse to the size of the ensemble playing this album-length piece. For this performance, the Insub Meta Orchestra numbers 27 musicians, but it rarely sounds like more than four or five of them are playing at any time. The ensemble is well equipped to represent whatever Granberg suggests. In addition to conventional orchestra instrumentation, you’ll find antique instruments such as spinet, traverso and viola da gamba, as well as newcomers like the analog synthesizer and laptop computer. Granberg selects discerningly from centuries of compositional and performative approaches. The piece’s title, which translates to “When all the birds sang my longing and desire,” tips the hat to Schubert, but the way that timbres offset one another shows a working knowledge with contemporary free improvisation. It takes restraint on the part of the players as well as the composer to make a group this big sound so small in contrast to the silence that contains its music.

Bill Meyer

Ivar Grydeland / Henry Kaiser — In The Arctic Dreamtime (Rune Grammofon)

If Ivar Gyrdeland (Danes les Arbres, Huntsville) and Henry Kaiser had first met in an airport lounge or a green room somewhere, you might not be able to hold this CD in your hands. They’d have sat down, started talking about strings or pick-ups or their favorite Terje Rypdal records, and who knows where that might have led. But they met in an Oslo studio, and one of them had some means of projecting Roald Amundsen — Lincoln Ellsworth’s Flyveekspedisjon 1925, a documentary of an unsuccessful and nearly fatal attempt to fly two airplanes over the North Pole. So, they set up their guitars and improvised a soundtrack to the film on the spot, which became the contents of this CD. Neither man regards the guitar’s conventional sounds as obligatory boundaries, and much of the music here delves into other available options. Resonant swells, looped harmonics, and flickering backwards sounds alternate with shimmering strums, skeins of feedback, and unabashed shredding, radiating with an icy brightness that corresponds to the unending polar sunlight that shone down on the expeditionaries as they hand-carved a runway out of the ice.

Bill Meyer

Guided By Voices — ‘Surrender Your Poppy Field’ (GBV, Inc.)

Surrender Your Poppy Field by Guided By Voices

The ever productive Robert Pollard kicks off a new decade with a louder, more distorted brand of rock, his characteristic hooky melodies buzzing with guitar feedback. He’s supported by the same band as on last year’s Sweating the Plague— Doug Gillard, Kevin March, Bobby Bare, Jr. and Mark Shue, who like Pollard are lifers to a man. Songs run short and feverish with only a couple breaking the three- minute mark and the chamber-pop “Whoa Nelly,” clocking in at 61 seconds. And yet, who can pack more into a couple of minutes than the godfather of lofi? “Queen Parking Lot” ramps up the dissonance around the most fetching sort of melody, which curves organically around modal curves. “Steely Dodger,” layers rattling textures of percussive sound (drums, strummed guitars) around a dreaming psychedelic tune. The words make no sense, but tap into subconscious fancies. This is Guided by Voices 30th album. Here’s to the next 30.

Jennifer Kelly

Zachary Hay — Zachary Hay (Scissor Tail)

Zachary Hay by Zachary Hay

Zachary Hay is an American acoustic guitarist, but please, put aside the associative baggage that comes with those words. If you do so, that’ll put you closer to the spirit that informed the making of this LP’s ten un-named tracks. Like Jon Collin, Hay seems to be intent upon capturing the mood and environment of a particular moment. The sound of the room, or someone turning on a tap while he’s recording — these become elements of the music every bit as much as his patient note choices. Hay likes melodies, but he doesn’t feel bound to repeat them, which imparts a sense of motion to the music. Things change a bit towards the end, when he puts down his guitar and stretches out for a spell on banjo and squeezebox, humming along with the latter like a man who knows that he must be his own company.

Bill Meyer

Egil Kalman & Fredrik Rasten — Weaving a Fabric of Winds (Shhpuma)

Weaving a Fabric of Winds by Egil Kalman & Fredrik Rasten

Some music is born out of commercial or communicative aspirations, or philosophical structural prescriptions. One suspects that this music originates from some agreement about what sounds good, compounded by other ideas about the right way to do things. Fredrik Rasten is a guitarist who splits his time between Berlin and Oslo, shuttling between improvised and composed musical situations; he has an album out on Wandelweiser, which should tell you a bit about his aesthetics. Egil Kalman plays modular synthesizer on this record, but he is also a double bassist from Sweden who lives in Copenhagen, and he keeps busy playing in folk, jazz and free improv settings; one hopes that someday, we’ll hear some recordings by his touring project, Alasdair Roberts & Völvur. But in the meantime, give a listen to this record, which patiently scrutinizes a space bounded by string harmonics and electronic resonance. Rasten uses just intonation to maximize the radiance of his sounds and re-tunes while playing to subtly manage the harmonic proximity between his vibrations and Kalman’s long tones. The synth supplies a bit of slow-motion melody. The album’s two pieces were performed in real time, and the effort involved in maintaining precise harmonic distance gives the music a subtle but undeniable charge. The title mentions winds, but this music feels more like a sonic representation of slight but steady breezes.

Bill Meyer

Matt Karmil — STS371 (Smalltown Supersound)

STS371 by Matt Karmil

UK producer Matt Karmil’s latest release STS371 mines a lode of straight ahead acid house and techno laced with enough glitch and twitch to appeal to the head as much as the body. Lead single “PB” is a maximalist concoction of ricocheting hi-hat, blurting bass, the panting of the short distance runner and an undercurrent of soft white noise. Karmil uses just a few simple elements to build his tracks which foreground the beats. Hi-hat and kick drums drop on tracks like “SR/WB” to highlight woozy synth washes. It’s just enough to let you breathe before the high energy tempos return and the strobes flash once more. STS371 touches on Force Inc clicks and cuts and ~scape minimalism beneath the rhythms but most of all Karmil is interested in keeping you on your feet. Mission accomplished.

Andrew Forell

Kevin Krauter — Full Hand (Bayonet Records)

Full Hand by Kevin Krauter

Indiana musician Kevin Krauter’s sophomore album Full Hand floats by like a summer breeze. The Hoops bassist plumbs 1980s AOR and coats it in an agreeable fuzz to produce 12 tracks of gossamer dream pop heavy on atmosphere if not always individually memorable. Lyrically Krauter mines his memories and experiences growing up in a religious household, self-discovery and coming of age with poetic grace that his delivers over drum machines, hazy synths, delicate layers of guitar, and low-key yearning vocals.

At his most direct on the title track and “Pretty Boy”, Krauter explores queer identity and his wish to be himself and express his desire. “Green Eyes” and “How” confront the dilemmas of doing just that. The songs are less confessional or revelatory than the sound of Krauter working things out in real time, allowing his audience the privilege of listening as he does so. There are no “big” moments but one comes away inspired by his words and warmed by his music.

Andrew Forell

Nap Eyes — Snapshot of a Beginner (Jagjaguwar)

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Album number four sees Nap Eyes open up to take in broader, sleeker vistas. For the most part, lackadaisical country-rock’n’roll is nudged towards expansiveness by spacey guitars borrowed from My Bloody Valentine’s Isn’t Anything. Nigel Chapman steps forward into his front man role with more aplomb than on preceding albums, marshalling his bandmates around him to explore more colorful musical territories. Most successful are the singles, especially opener “So Tired,” plus the canny repurposing of the “Paint It Black” riff on “Real Thoughts,” and the deft guitar work on “Dark Link.” Sometimes there’s a loss of focus, a feeling of stretching for something just beyond reach. But that’s OK; after all, the shrugging acceptance of their shortcomings is right there in the album title.

Tim Clarke

Peel Dream Magazine — Agitprop Alterna (Slumberland / Tough Love)

Agitprop Alterna by Peel Dream Magazine

On second album Agitprop Alterna, Peel Dream Magazine sound just like early Stereolab, with occasional blasts of shoe-gazey guitar thrown in for good measure. It may come across as reductive, even dismissive, to make such an overt comparison, but there’s no getting round it. With Stereolab’s comeback reminding everyone how beloved the band is, it’s heartening that there are new bands carrying the torch of their glorious aesthetic. To anyone who grew up in the 1990s listening to this stuff, it’ll no doubt be startling how well Joe Stevens has pulled this off. It’s a love letter to the sound of droning organs, guitars hammering away at major sevenths, driving rhythms and zoned-out but tuneful vocals. It’s derivative, sure, but it’s so well done, and the song writing is so solid that the appeal is undeniable. A recording of John Peel’s reassuringly deadpan radio patter even makes an appearance on “Wood Paneling Pt 2,” midway through the album, as if posthumously giving the band his blessing. I can’t argue with that.

Tim Clarke

Sign of Evil — Psychodelic Horror (Caligari Records)

Psychodelic Horror by SIGN OF EVIL

Maybe music this astoundingly stupid shouldn’t be quite so fun. But Sign of Evil, a one-man-black-metal-psychobilly-mash-up from Chile, makes a racket that’s so oddly deranged that it’s hard not to be charmed. Imagine if Link Wray somehow managed to walk into a Dark Throne practice session, c. 1995, and decided to jam, and you might conjure some of the strangeness you’ll encounter on the doltishly titled Psychodelic Horror. It’s fitting that the best song on the tape is simply called “Horror.” Nuff said. But check out the whacko piano that Witchfucker (yep) gamely pounds through the song’s first 30 seconds, and then the wheezy guitar tone he abuses your ear with when the metal portion of the song starts. These are not the sounds of a well-adjusted intelligence. Nor are they the sorts of sounds made by jackasses that cynically profess misanthropic allegiance to Satan, even as they enjoy decades-long careers in the music industry. Watain and Gorgoroth and Dark Funeral only wish they could be this legitimately unhinged. It helps that Witchfucker isn’t a loathsome racist. Rock on, you weirdo.

Jonathan Shaw

Tré Burt — Caught It From the Rye (Oh Boy)

Caught It From The Rye by Tre Burt

Tré Burt has a rough-edged voice and fiery way with the harmonica that can’t help but remind of a certain Nobel Prize winning songwriter, though his words are less oblique. This debut album has a raspy, down-home charm, framed by raucous acoustic strumming and forthright Americana melodies. The winner here is the title track, which glancingly references the J.D. Salinger classic, but mostly reflects a soulful, restless search for meaning in art and life and music. “All my favorite paintings/ they keep on fallin' down/And I need savin' by the grace of god/But I know he's off creatin' /another one like me,” croons Burt with sandy sincerity. It’s a resilient sort of music, where Burt’s yowling voice plumbs emotional depths, but his rambling guitar line maintains a steady cheer. Burt got his big chance from John Prine’s Oh Boy Records, and as that songwriter hovers near death, it’s a good time to celebrate his legacy of leaving the ladder up.

Jennifer Kelly

Michael Vallera — Window In (Denovali)

Window In by Michael Vallera

Chicago photographer, musician and composer Michael Vallera releases Window In, a four-track album of ambient manipulated guitar and electronic drone. Vallera works in a liminal space between actuality and potential, with continual, albeit almost imperceptible, shifts from the general and the hyper-specific. He brings a photographic eye to his compositions. They are the aural equivalent of seascapes in which one basks before one is drawn to details and the secrets beneath. Vallera’s tracks float by on luxurious oceanic swells with undercurrents of hiss, subaquatic rumbles, the blips and bleeps of luminescent trench dwellers. In the process the source, the guitar, is rendered unrecognizable, erased from the results leaving only disembodied sounds that ironically feel anchored in the real. Fans of Wolfgang Voigt’s Gas project, Fennesz’ guitar based ambient music or Basinski’s The Disintegration Loops will find much to appreciate here. Window In is a meditation on stillness and calm in the eye of powerful natural forces, something we always need but more so now.

Andrew Forell

Windy & Carl — Allegiance and Conviction (Kranky)

Allegiance and Conviction by Windy & Carl

Windy Weber and Carl Hultgren have been creating ambient space-rock for nearly 30 years now. The couple’s cosmic yet intimate output may have slowed — this is their first album since 2012’s We Will Always Be — but their sound possesses a timeless resonance. Stepping into their river of watery guitar and bass drones in 2020 feels like little has changed since we last left them — and yet, strangely, everything is new. Windy’s voice makes tentative yet emotionally insistent appearances on five of these six tracks, her words hinting at small-scale revolutions (“In the underground, we’ve got a job to do” — “The Stranger”). “Will I See the Dawn” is the only wordless piece, where electric piano and tape hiss manage to speak volumes. At only 38 minutes, this is a short album for Windy & Carl, but one that has enough shadowy depths to qualify as a worthwhile addition to their intimidating discography.

Tim Clarke

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hmel78 · 5 years ago

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In conversation with Dave Sturt ...

GONG

In September of 2016, ‘GONG’ released their new album “Rejoice! I’m Dead” Some say it couldn’t, or shouldn’t have, be done. How could Gong exist without Daevid Allen?

For those who are unaware Daevid passed away in March 2015. ‘GONG’ has had many, many line-ups - Formed when Australian beatnik/freak Daevid Allen quit ‘The Soft Machine’ and moved to France at the tail end of the ’60s. Since debuting in 1970 with “Magick Brother”, the band have remained fluid, even playing without their founder from the mid-to-late ’70s; fracturing and reassembling and constantly taking on new shapes and forms: an undeniably amorphous unit. David Bowie told Vanity Fayre in 2003 that Daevid Allen’s “Banana Moon” is one of his favourite albums, and today everyone from indie artists Temples and Ty Segall to hip hop artist Madlib and techno DJ Surgeon are inspired, and borrow, from ‘Gong’s’ music and ideology. The funky grooves, avant-garde flourishes and counter-cultural stance is timeless. So timeless that ‘Gong’ is proving that it can fully exist, even without their creator and guiding light. “Rejoice! I'm Dead! came together over several weeks in an East London rehearsal studio. It depends on your knowledge of ‘Gong’ history and what you may feel constitutes as a Gong record, but “Rejoice! I'm Dead!” is classified as their 28th album and it would appear that the ‘Gong’ legacy is the strongest it has been since 1974 . In the words of bassist Dave Sturt: “You bet it's a fucking Gong record!” The current line-up features Kavus Torabi (vocals/guitar), Fabio Golfetti (guitar/vocals), Dave Sturt (bass/vocals), Ian East (sax/flute) and Cheb Nettles (drums/vocals) - and unanimously they have taken on the mantle of “steering the Teapot further into outer space and the inner ear” ... Helen Robinson caught up with Dave Sturt recently, to find out more ...

HR : ‘GONG’ has had a total of 52 official members in its 50 year history ; 47 past and 5 current. What is it about ‘Gong’s’ music which compels musicians to continue to hold the band together in some shape or form?

Dave Sturt : An interesting question..... The Gong family is really unlike anything else. It's so much more than the 5 or 6 musicians on the stage. It's a worldwide collective of freaks, mystics or those who just don't quite fit in to the mainstream .... those who are searching for a different way to be. It's an ongoing adventure- may it never stop.

HR : When you first joined in 2009 you were the new guy! Did you jel straight away? Had you been a fan prior to joining?

DS : I knew of Gong back in the 70s but it wasn't until the 80s when I began to really appreciate what they had created. I had latched on to the Steve Hillage Band first - I really loved “Fish Rising”. So it was a real honour to audition for the band with Steve and Miquette. I felt comfortable right from the start. My personal journey melded with Gong's at just the right time – I had experience of many kinds of music but needed a focus. Gong wanted a creative bass player with something to offer . . . kismet!

HR : At the time - alongside Daevid Allen - the line-up consisted of original member Gilli Smith who had returned to sing vocals, with two of the 1970’s staple members Miquette Giraudy, and Steve Hillage - what was it like having them all reunited in the same creative space?

DS : It was a privilege but, initially daunting. I had briefly worked with Daevid a few years before but to have them all in the same rehearsal room was something else.

I began to get to know them properly in the tour bus around Europe - promoting the 2032 album. They were all incredibly bright, free thinkers- truly inspiring.

HR : 2012 saw another big shift in the band’s line-up - you stayed ; was that by choice, or at the request of Daevid? Who decided on who was going to fill the positions?  

DS : Well I was very keen to continue with the band but it was Daevid who chose the line up that best suited his vision of where he wanted ‘Gong’ to go. On tour he spoke many times of his wish for Gong to continue without him and he chose pretty well.

HR : Have the rotations of band members been essential to keep it fresh for the main body of songwriters ; for something ‘new’ to be brought to the table? Or was it simply a tough band to exist in?

DS : Daevid never wanted to play safe. He always wanted to be surrounded by creative people so I guess that was the driving force. Since Ian east and I have been involved the biggest change was when Steve and Miquette left to re focus on System 7. Daevid was keen on making the band more guitar focused so Fabio was invited to join - and then later Kavus got the call.

HR : You’ve been with the band for the longest, out of the new line-up - do you feel that you have the chemistry right this time, to move forward as a unit and stay together?

DS : Absolutely - no question. This band is a perfect mixture of passion, skill and creativity. The gigs are a blast from start to finish – and we also have a great crew including the Fruit Salad lightshow and projections.

It feels slightly odd – being the longest standing member! It has been a bizarre eight years.

HR : Following Daevid’s passing in 2015, and Gilli’s in 2016 - did you all consider calling it a day, or is it always going to be imperative to keep their spirits alive through the music?

DS : It was Daevid's wish that the band should continue. We were keen to carry on but unsure that it would work without him. We had gigs booked to promote the I See You album but Daevid was too ill to join us from Australia so Kavus took centre stage and we were astonished by the response. Also, previous members of Gong were very supportive.

Gilli's last tour with the band was in 2012 – and her health was failing then. She had to miss some of the concerts because of a broken foot. Our last gigs with her were in Japan and she spent the last few years of her life in a care home where she held court and entertained guests up until the end.

HR : Cue studio album #28 - “Rejoice! I’m Dead”.  It features Steve Hillage, Didier Malherbe, and Graham Clark, along with some post-humous vocals from Daevid.  Did you feel that you needed to include these in order to transition the band from what was always essentially Daevid’s project, to a new stage in it’s development?

DS : That was partly the reason, but it felt completely in keeping with the the direction of the album. I was particularly keen to include the track Beatrix. It was such a lovely moment that I'd captured on my hand held recorder. We were in an apartment in Brazil - Daevid was listening on headphones to a jazzy musical idea of mine - and he began to improvise a poem about a very special woman in his life. It was so sweet and poignant.

The album is obviously a reflection on Daevid and life and death so it's seemed completely right to have his presence in there . . . . it really felt as though he was in the studio with us as we composed and arranged the tracks

HR : The album is receiving some rave reviews, and doesn’t seem to have disappointed the loyal following - were you nervous prior to it’s release, or confident that what you had produced was going to hit the proverbial nail?

DS : We were supremely confident that we had created something really special. The process of composing and recording was a joy. We just followed our own inner voice – without any pre-conceived direction - everyone contributed with ideas that we then arranged, juxtaposed and honed into a beautiful shiny thing.

HR : With the current line-up being a relatively new group when it comes to working together as ‘Gong’ (not essentially new to each other), how difficult was it to write new material in the vein of some 50 years of compositions, which for the first time were not under the creative influence of Daevid, Gilly, or other alumni?

DS : We are all composers as well as players – and four of us wrote or co-wrote most of the tracks on the previous album I See You so we had no problem in continuing the process. The main key difference was the lyrics. We had no intention of pretending to write like Daevid or Gilli – that would have been completely bogus. Instead Kavus developed the main lyrical ideas throughout the time that the tracks came together – and a truly fine job he did! I wrote the lyrics for the track Model Village – the first time that I'd attempted such a thing.

HR : For anyone who may be unaware of Gong, and their impressive back-catalog - could you describe the new album in a nutshell, and give virgin listeners an idea of what they can expect?

DS : The title – Rejoice! I'm Dead! - is a line from a poem of Daevid Allen's – 'All I Ask'. It completely summed up Daevid's attitude to death and it informed the concept of the album. That transition into the great unknown – something we all will face at some time. So – should we face it with fear and trepidation or embrace it as part of life's great journey? No one gets out alive so let's enjoy life, live it to the full and don't waste it by worrying about something that you can't avoid.So, the album is euphoric, inspirational and slightly ironic, with the occasional social comment. Musically it is, in turns, powerful; beautiful; intricate; and mystical.

I think I've finally achieved my aim of playing on, what may well be recognised eventually as, a classic album.

HR : And down the line ... The band claim they you will continue to ‘fly the teapot further into outer space, and the inner ear!   Is it likely that any past members will be invited back to the fold for future projects?

DS : It's said that once you've been a member of Gong you never leave - so the door is always open. It's a very friendly, co-operative family – so everything is possible.

HR : Outside the Gong realm, your solo album “Dreams and Absurdities” was released in 2015. Given all your other commitments, how long was it in the making?

DS : Dreams & Absurdities came together slowly. It would have happened sooner if I hadn't been so busy over the last 10 years. I have a classic bass player mentality – I'm very supportive and unassuming and I give my all to whichever project I'm working on – which has meant that my solo album never became a priority, until, for some reason, everything fell into place.

HR : It’s a purely instrumental record - a departure perhaps from the music that people are used to hearing you play. Does it reflect your personal musical comfort zone?

DS : Well, some people will be very used to me working on instrumental albums. I recorded two with Jade Warrior and three with Cipher (my duo with Theo Travis). I find great beauty in instrumental music – especially when it evokes emotions of longing and soundscapes of imagined worlds.

HR : The album features a number of impressive guests - notably your Gong colleagues, and Bill Nelson.  Bill describes you as “an artist of the highest calibre” - coming from him that’s quite a recommendation isn’t it?!

DS : I am still truly astonished that I have been able to work with such great musicians – and to be held in such high regard by them is overwhelming. I've played with Bill for over 10 years now and it's been a joy. I was a big fan of Be Bop Deluxe and Red Noise and I've had the honour to play material from both bands with the man himself.

HR : You’ve worked with a number of high profile musicians during your career - what was the most challenging project t o be part of? And if you could collaborate with anyone at all - who would it be?

DS : The most challenging was probably a session early in my career when I was hired to play on an album by a Canadian band called Strange Advance. Also playing on the album were drummer Andy Newmark (John Lennon, Pink Floyd, Roxy Music) and Earl Slick (David Bowie). It was produced by the great composer and arranger Michael Kamen. It was a huge learning curve for me. It was a great experience but I felt that I was hanging on by my fingertips! In the end, things didn't go well with the producer/artist relationship – and the album was re-recorded in Canada with different musicians.

Who would I like to collaborate with? That could be a very long list! Peter Gabriel, Harold Budd, Jan Garbarek, Andy Partridge, Kate Bush, Steve Jansen, Bill Frisell, David Torn, Michael Brook, Zakir Hussein, . . . I could go on . . .

https://www.davesturt.co.uk/

#gong #bass #prog rock #prog #experimental

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