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bowloficecubes · 2 years ago

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Siren, Pt.8.

< previous l masterlist l next>

note: I realize that this fic sucks balls, but it’s mostly self indulgent to me, just to write it, not to read it.

“Silver is his color, and gold is mine, so it made sense to switch them”

Bakugo is certain he recognizes the voice, but cannot pinpoint the owner.

His body feels oddly cool, an unusual thing for him considering his quirk makes him warmer than most. It's a comfortable temperature, ideal even. He hated overheating when sleeping(Which happens almost every night).

Oddly- he feels well rested, he doesn’t want to open his eyes yet, This is the best sleep he got in a long while. He could feel the warm brightness behind his eyelids, easily deducing that it was morning and probably time to wake up.

But the bliss of the comfort was too hard to leave, even with the yet-to-be-identified voice.

“Oh, I think he woke up, good morning Kats,” said a voice softly.

“How could you tell?”

“Heartbeat, it became faster. Did you know Bakugo has the fastest heartbeat in class? And the fastest I ever heard of a person our age. I assume it's due to his body temperature maintenance.”

Memories of last night’s events flood his vision, most notably:

1- The panic attack he had outside the operating room

2- How dizzy the blood loss made him

3- The comfort he felt at 3 am when they heard the faint gasp

And

4- his private conversation with Akito.

“I hope you slept well, you alright?” a soft voice brought him back to reality.

He reluctantly opens his eyes, knowing he’ll miss this luxury.

“Hello lil listener, How didya sleep?” asked a man with emerald eyes and impossibly golden hair that was messily tucked into a loose bun. He had his arms casually wrapped around his homeroom teacher’s neck, the latter seemed unfazed.

It took Katsuki a moment to connect the dots, what had he called him again?

Little listener ...

Wait

“Mic sensei?”

“Ding ding '' he finger gunned him, a silver ring reflecting some of the sun rays into his photosensitive eyes (as he just woke up and his pupils were still dilated) causing him to squint.

He pushes himself up, propping his hands against the mattress, “Ouch, ouch”

He flinches and quickly removes his hands.

“Ah, it’s alright, didn’t mean to overreact”

Overreact? Overreact his ass, he just applied significant pressure to your bruised abdomen, after all.

“Oh shit, sorry ‘kito”

“Good timing, Bakugo, your parents will arrive in around an hour”

“HAH ?” He took a look at the clock on the wall, a few minutes till 12 pm.

“You called the old hag?”

“Dude, even I wasn’t this rude to my mom,” said Akito next to him in a half-whisper.

“We obviously called all of your guardians, Todorki’s sister drove him home and offered Jirou a ride to the dorms, and Shoji; I think he’s with Eri in the cafeteria,” said Aizawa sensei, voice absolutely exhausted.

“Well, we better leave them to freshen up. We’ll be down the hall if you need anything, ya dig?”.

The two nodded at their abnormally normal teacher, and the door slowly slipped shut.

“Um, I hope I didn’t bother you in your sleep?”

“Shut up, m’sorry for sleeping on you, especially when you’re injured. Must’ve dozed off a”

“It’s nothing! P-please don’t worry about it, I really needed the comfort” they whispered the last sentence.

The last part confused Katsuki, but he decided not to question it further.

“You sleep like the dead. Literally. Your body is very cold or the temperature of the room was off.”

Akito looked puzzled for a moment, then a look of realization washed over their face.

“Oh, I am cold-blooded, so that’s why, was it that cold?”

“HAAH?” this is genuinely pushing his mental capacities so early in the fucking morning.

Akito just shrugged, knowing how odd it might’ve sounded

“So you just have a different internal temperature?”

“Drastically different, while, if you want to compare me to a fish, fish kind of just become the temperature of their surroundings. Considering my mutation, it would be expected of me to have the same ability, but since I need very different conditions for all metabolic reactions, my body simply remains at a constant cold temperature. My enzymes are technically also mutated to function optimally at these conditions, although temperature is the most fundamental prerequisite of proper metabolisis. Isn’t it kinda awesome? I’m actually curious as to how your metabolic reactions differ since the average person’s enzymes would denature at your temperature. But I also wonder what components go into the production of your Nitroglycerin; my best guess is that your secretory glands kind of merge into your lymphatic nodes, and utilize your lymph and the salts from your sweat, perhaps?”

Bakugo was silent, mouth slightly ajar.

“Oh sorry, I was rambling, it's too early, too” “The nerd would cry happy tears if he heard you, you guys should hang out more.” “Midoriya-kun? Oh no, I doubt my guesses are of any use to his hero analysis.” “No trust me, you will make his day- school year. Although his are more from the hero fundamentals POV, and you’re more medical, Wait … I’m actually worried what would happen if your mixed analysis were to ever be leaked, especially if it was about, All might or something.”

“How the fuck do you know all that?”

“Know what? I asked questions, I didn’t state anything.”

“Those weren’t simple questions, those were very well-educated predictions, and quite accurate too. I don’t know too much about the enzymes and lymph and shit, but yes my temperature causes increased sweat production, which is the base of my nitroglycerin.”

He slipped out the bed as Akito kept murmuring about some scanning, X-rays, reverse lymph drainage? Whatever the fuck that was. He knew Akito was just thinking out loud, he’d seen Deki do it enough times to know it wouldn’t be rude to grab his bag and close the little bathroom’s door.

He quickly showered and brushed his teeth, conscious enough not to use the towels in the bathroom to keep it clean for the actual patient. He opted for an excessive amount of toilet paper to pat his body dry, and an extra shirt he packed to absorb as much water from his hair as possible, which wasn’t as effective as he’d liked. He got dressed in a black shirt with a small skull print and dark jeans.

He spared a glance to the mirror just to ensure his hair wasn’t too weird, but he got surprised at how different his face was.

His skin was almost the color of his hair, the slight red around his eyes and on his cheeks and nose absent, and his under eyes were accentuated.

He knew it was the result of the rapid blood loss, but it still creeped him.

After tidying up the bathroom, he cracked the door open, not enough to see out. “Can I come in?” he asked. Akito, after all, might be changing or something. He realized how slim the chances are that they can move on their legs already, but it was still wrong to just walk in, the last thing he’d want to do is make them uncomfortable.

Shoji, surprisingly, was the one to answer, “yeah, all good”.

Bakugo’s eyes fell on a food tray on the bedside table, alongside a little paper bag. “Good morning Bakugo, I hope you feel better?”. He just shrugged, returning a quick ‘mornin’ ‘. “Mezo got us breakfast. I wish they had more iron-rich food for you,” said Akito in the voice he was more used to, the calm, monotone voice.

“ I need to shower.”

Shoji’s eyes widened a little, “Hey I’m sure it’ll be ok to wait a bit, maybe tomorrow? At least your flesh would be a bit more … uh, dry?”

“Dude, I smell like a moist, musty salt-covered dog. Plus, I’m covered in dry blood.”

“ Couldn’t have said it better myself” murmured the other, Shoji stared at him angrily as Akito said, “see?”.

“There’s a little foldable plastic chair in the shower, it’s mounted in the wall” added the blond after a short silence.

“That’ll help I guess, but how do we keep the wounds dry?”

“Tie a garbage bag around my legs or something, I don’t care, I just need to shower before I lose it.”

He sighed, his mask moving a bit, “I wish Momo was here”

Shoji went on his hunt while Bakugo helped Akito brush their teeth by getting them a water cup to rinse and spit the toothpaste in. He considered lifting them to the bathroom and placing them on the chair Aizawa was sitting on, in front of the sink, but he didn't dare ask, he knew Akito would never allow anyone but Shoji to touch them that much.

He placed the food tray on the bed after Akito scooted to the side a bit, making eating easier since obviously can’t place it on their lap. He then had a look at the bag Shoji got him.

A banana, muffin, and can of coffee from the vending machine.

He turned back to them, noticing their slightly downturned lips as they only picked up the sealed jello, ignoring the rest of the food.

“What's Wrong?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“I only like very few foods warm, and oatmeal is definitely not one of them. I actually dislike it regardless, the texture gets me” then they added “I like jello though. :) “

“I think Shoji packed some food, let me go check.”

He remembered there being some bags, and he remembered Shoji going through one of the common kitchen’s fridges before they left, placing some items in one of the plastic bags.

The first contained some various types of earplugs, a clear spray bottle with water that was just the tiniest bit foggy, and a black pouch.

He opened it, not realizing that this is definitely an intrusion of privacy, after all, this wasn’t packed with Siren’s toiletries, and it definitely didn’t belong to any of the others.

It was… makeup? But not quite. He’d seen his mother’s vanity, he’d seen the MUAs backstage at his parents' fashion shows, and he’d seen Mina’s in her room a couple of times, usually placed around her tall mirror.

There wasn’t a brand name in sight, mostly loose pigments in tiny jars, a slim, opaque bottle filled with a dense fluid, and the only familiar items; loose powder in a cylindrical container and a few sponges and a puff.

But there had also been a paint spatula and a metal tray…

He soon realized he definitely shouldn’t have opened it, he closed quickly and snuck a quick glance at Siren, who was thankfully unaware of what just happened. He looked through the other bag.

“There’s uh... What the fuck? Mints, gum? Oh hey, this looks like fresh juice!” He opened an unlabeled glass bottle and smelled it, expecting to smell pineapple or something.

“WHAT THE FUCK! IS THIS POISON?!”

“Oh wonderful, he got me my drink!” it’s almost as if they completely didn’t hear Katsuki.

Bakugo looked both angry and dumbfounded at the casual voice.

“You should take a sip, it’s really good”

He hesitated, “ is this like, alcohol or something?”

“No… kats why would Mezo get me alcohol to the hospital??”

“Aha, so you DO drink?”

“No comment.”

“Bitch what”

Akito simply shrugs “now is not the time, see if you can find some digestive biscuits, I need a bit more in my system before I can drink it, also are you tasting it or not?”

“I guess I will” he muttered, glancing worriedly at the yellow juice, still, he trusts them.

He lightly touched the rim of the bottle to his lips, visibly hesitant, then he closed his eyes and took a gulp.

His adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed quickly and finally opened his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me it wasn’t sweetened?” he calmly, uncharacteristically asked, calm before the storm.

“Why would it be? It’s not a sweet drink.”

“No, I’m actually worried right now, how do you drink this? Or even ‘like’ it?”

“I guess your first few tries will be odd, but it gets good, and it’s also insanely good for your health!”

“What even is this? It’s burning me” then his eyes widened “IT IS FUCKING ALCOHOL! HE BROUGHT ALCOHOL!!”

“ No no trust me” they waved their arms in front of them, trying to reassure the boy. “Ginger naturally stings”

“How do you even make this, anyway?”

“I boil ginger and lemon. A shitton. Then I blend it and when it cools down, I strain it.”

“ So it's just… ginger and lemon? You never thought of even adding honey?”

“I don’t like how people only like sweet drinks. Drinks don’t necessarily have to always be sweet, food has different tastes,

Also, alcohol doesn’t burn like that, it's way more intense and burns your throat and esophagus”

“So you DO drink”

“Hey, it’s rude to point! And yeah whatever maybe”

“ …. How often?” “dude, can you please find the fucking biscuits?”

He quickly rummaged through till he found the box, “digestive light, 30% less fat” he slowly turned to face them, eyes filled with rage.

“Is all you eat fucking depressing? What the fuck is this? I thought you’d have the chocolate-covered ones” As he was swinging the box in frustration, two arms slid the room’s door open.

Shoji stepped in, plastic laundry bags, a roll of tape, and a pair of scissors in his other arm’s hands. His eyes slightly widened at the sight of Bakugo holding the biscuits, almost threateningly, and Akito’s lightly irritated face.

“Thank fuck, tell me, do they always eat such shit?” the masked boy relaxed and approached Siren, he realized he’d been worried over nothing.

“Got you some scissors, thought it’d be more practical to cut the hospital gown off rather than take it off. There are new ones under the sink but I’ll open one and hang it by the shower door unless you’d prefer to wear your normal clothes? I got you the black skirt and some zip-ups and button-ups, U know it’s not ideal but we can’t risk further agitating your wounds. After you’re done showering I guess you could wet the rag and wipe your legs? You be the judge of what to do. But just make sure that the water is turned off. If you need me at any moment I’ll be right here; although I’d rather not see you butt naked. Obviously don’t lock the door, no one will come in anyway,”

That was surely a mouthful, but he was practical.

“Yes, mom,” replied Akito with a sarcastic undertone.

“I hope you slip and break your hip in the shower” “I love you too, sugar booger” “Kill yourself” “Yes sir!”

Akito slid their legs down, sitting on the edge of the bed. They slid their gown up, revealing a gruesome sight that extended across both of their thighs.

Bakugo was surprised at how collected Shoji looked, he, personally, felt tears pricking his eyes at the sight. Shoji immediately got to work, excessively delicate when taping the edges to ensure absolutely no water gets in. Akito maintained an unfazed demeanor, although some eyebrow twitches managed to escape.

Bakugo went into the bathroom and pulled the chair down to prepare it. He hung a towel on the other knob of the shower door; an easy-each place even when sitting down. He brought the scissors and hung them on the loofa’s hook. He quickly asked Shoji about where he placed toiletries and received indirect permission to go through the mini suitcase to retrieve the products and set them up in the shower.

He thought about opening the shower to give the water a chance to warm up, but his earlier conversation with the Siren made him highly doubt he could guess what temperature they liked their shower to be.

He returned to the room, Shoji checking to ensure he secured the tape well.

“Are you going to wear the gown or normal clothes?” he asked, he hated the thought of sitting down while Shoji was busy being actually useful.

“I guess I’ll wear the outfit, could you set it up for me, please? It’s a long black skirt and see if he packed the light blue button-up shirt”

He nodded and quickly found the items since he had spotted them earlier while looking for the shower supplies. He folded the clothes and neatly placed them on the closed toilet seat.

During the wait for them to get ready, he couldn’t help but think about the skirt situation, well, more like Siren’s identity and preferences… Not that he cared of course!!! But since they're officially friends now, it’d be rude not to know, wouldn’t it? Like he obviously wouldn’t pressure them into telling him but imagine if they thought he knew all this time and then he realizes how horrible of a friend he has been and-

“Do you want to hang onto me? Or should I lift you up?”

“Uppies! I don’t trust my arms too much, a little numb”

Bakugo snapped out of his trance and couldn't help but let out a little laugh, it wasn’t mocking, just because of how adorable the tone had been.

Shoji rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t hide the fond look in them.

He slowly lifted them from under their arms with utmost ease, more like a doll rather than a grown-ass person.

Soon, he closed the door after himself. They both heard the shower turning on soon enough.

Shoji let out a breath and quickly got to work; stripping the sheets and replacing them with crisp white ones he found in the cupboard, he opened the windows to let some fresh air in and even burned some weird stick he pulled out of his bag. “Incense” he explained, although Bakugo had only seen it in funerals; apparently certain types were great for cleansing rooms of foul energies. Bakugo wasn’t too sure he understood, but the smell of burnt basil did soothe him, maybe he’d ask Shoji where he can get some for himself, this would definitely help his sleepless nights.

As he was tidying up the room, he looked at the barely touched food and sighed in concern, turning around to finally answer the question Bakugo had asked earlier.

“I do realize how absurd their eating habits are, but don’t worry, I always made sure they eat well, like balanced food groups and stuff. ‘Kito prefers to drink rather than eat, but their drinks aren't necessarily sweet; actually, you should try some of their comfort drinks, they’re usually spicy and iced”

“And could this ‘comforting drink’, by any chance, be alcohol?” he asked, suggestively.

Shoji immediately stiffened, covering his face with his hands, “ Uh, yeah about that, we both had guilty, not-so-legal pleasures, but again, I ensure that they’re responsible with them, and vice versa”

“So they have more? What else? ' he asked worriedly.

“DUDE DON’T TELL HIM, HE ALMOST KEBABED ME AT THE FIRST ONE” came a voice from the shower.

Right. Sirens have insane hearing.

“Alright, if not them then what about you?”

“What about me?” Shoji was obviously trying to avoid the question.

“ YOU SAID ‘VICE VERSA’, ELABORATE”

“OH! Um, it’s not drinking, so don’t worry, I only have a drink once in a while” he shot him a shaky thumbs-up.

“Ok but that doesn’t answer the question”

“TELL HIM YOU SECRET-BUSTING WHORE!”

“YOU TOLD HIM YOURSELF, I DIDN’T RAT SHIT OUT” he screamed back.

“Actually, I guessed. So? What’s your answer?”

His face was now weird, shy? “Um… motorcycle racing?”

“ILLEGAL car racing. He’s unlicensed and he drove a modded bike”

“SHUT UP” “SUCK MY COCK, IT’S TRUE”

“You're insufferable”

“Love you too <3”

Meanwhile, Bakugo was still processing the information.

“Weren’t you like... Um,” he didn’t know how to verbalize his confusion.

“Poor? Dirt poor, it obviously wasn’t my bike. I worked at an auto shop when Siren was out diving, and the owner, he used to race cars, allowed me his 'little bike' as long as I take care of it and ‘uphold its legacy’” he air quoted the last part.

“Can you show me?” Katsuki was curious, rightfully so, he only saw car races in movies, and the few F1 races, but never bikes.

“OH, I DO! Mei show him my phone!!”

He cringed, then asked, “Where is it?” “It’s in my costume case, probably dead, I barely touched it during the mission.”

He moved reluctantly, opening the scratched metal case to retrieve the phone.

“2%, where’s your charger?”

“Dunno, probably in my chamber, I left most of my shit there”

He moved to his own bag, pulling out a wire and plugging it in.

A few seconds later, Shoji opened the phone, in a suspiciously swift movement, it took less than a second, did it not have a password? “What’s wrong?” Oh, Shoji noticed the double take Katsuki did. “You unlocked it with your fingerprint?” “Yeah, faster than a password, we both have our fingerprints on each other's phones’”

* They really really trust each other * he thought.

“Where’s the one against Koko?” he asked Siren while scrolling through their gallery.

“But that one isn’t as funnnnn, show him the one against Alegria!! It’s in my favorites, please”

He groaned, he didn’t hate that one, in fact, it was one of his best races, but didn’t want to seem like a show-off to Bakugo.

“Hey I’m done, help me?”

He stood up and handed Katsuki the phone, the video already opened. He headed towards the door.

6 notes · View notes

benefits1986 · 8 months ago

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4:50 am 210624

Grinding earlier than usual is a trigger and a glimmer, too.

Here's how Summer Solstice 2024 panned out: -Random invite sa staycation ng mga travel buddies na medyo malapit sa South and accessible sa pake ko -Checked traffic; walang traffic, so sige; nadarang sa swimming at dadalan after walang kibuan since March -Daldalan session with my OG travel buddies; ended at 2 AM -Random hotpot cravings which led to Haidilao; napaka layo sa Mala Hotpot sa Taiwan na ice cream pa lang, boogsh na with lamb meat pa 'yan -Slept at 5AM; hamunang busog lusog; Jezzazzz take the wheel -Woke up at around 730 AM; thinking if swimming is the best way to start the day and sauna; but masarap magpakawala ng mga ganaps, so nanalo ang pakawala ng mga ganaps -Went home by 12 noon -Nawala or naiwan ang susi (again and again and again) -Nastress pero syempre, arangkada ang Plan B -Nakita ang susi sa padlock sa gate na naiwan ng tatay kong pakitong-kitong (first time 'to; akala ko talaga may early onset dementia na siya) -Parked ang Plan B -Narealize na it's mother dragon's 12th birthday in heaven and nafeel na naman ang presence niya like boogsh-boogsh (in her voice: Uwi kasi ng maaga. Me: Maaga nga ako umuwi. Her: Umaga ka umuuwi. Me: O 'di ba? Ang aga. Hahahaha.) -Nastress tatay kong naiwan niya susi kasi nga 'di naman niya naiiwan 'yun. Tapos, natakot na naman sa nanay ko. -Ended the umaatikabong at aktibong-aktibong Friday at 630 PM -Ate dinner with D1: tilapia, tuyo in a bottle na spicy and tangy, tortang talong (kinda toasted) maraming kanin (topped with spicy garlic bits) and yes, naka two milk tea tayo with 25% sugar levels, no ice (ako na naglagay ng ice para sulit) -Break time = kulitang sapilitan kay McQueen pamangkin na aburido ng todo c/o my brother na parang gusto na i-spoil ko anak niya (LUL) -Tiny project proposal to a good friend na need ng gabay sa kaitaasan dito sa kalupaan -Booked a ticket na tingin ko matatawid at hindi na marerebook to a place na malapit lang pero dahil sa andun 'yung gusto kong panoorin kahit ayaw ko pumunta doon, push (Clue: Best seat in the house for me bilang childhood core memory ko ito nung 1999.) -9PM bagsak na ang tita dahil age is ageing

So, ayun na nga. Andito na tayo sa H2 2024. All the past 11 years were really spiral szns. As in. But this time around, nung tinanong ako bakit naka-two milk tea ako today, sinabi ko ang munting kwento ng mom ko earlier that day. Hindi na ako nasa shit 'wag n'yo ko pry open szn, finally. HIHIHIHI. But wait, there's more, June 25 will be a free day, this year, too. OPAK. Walang palag. LOL. Truelagen talaga na you connect the dots backward. Anyway, today is another day and let's grind earlier than usual ulit. Mother Dragon, you are always missed. Thank you for your bulong and pakawala na tumatawid ng lifetime. Hahaha. Sabi mo nga noon, kaya ko na. I guess, after 12 years, eto na talaga 'yun. Walang halong kemikal pa.

Sorry kasi mga 12 noon ko na narealize na June 21 nga pala kahapon. LOL. First time in 12 years na 'yung trigger naging glimmering, splendid na yata kahit munti. Kaya pala sabi ko bago ako matulog after the hotpot session na delulu na naman: Bakit may pitik ako today? Bakitttt? Ano na naman 'to? Tatay ko: Akala ko naman kaya ka na naman umalis e para tumakas. The past years (except 2023), lagi kang nasa labas, nasa malayo. Hindi na pala ganun ha. Iba ka na talaga. Me: WTH. K. Fine. Tnx. Bye.

Thank you for not giving up on me. And yes, nakita ko na naman sa isang sulok 'yung birthday letter mo sa akin. So weird talaga like you, me, and us. Maaga akong nagising today dahil yata sa dami ng food intake ko kahapon. Balik sabak na ulit sa ngalan ng clavicle ganapans sa December. You are not loved, mom. You are more than that. I love to hate you. I hate to love you more and more even when I can't hug or irk you IRL. I know you're not giving up on me kahit ako, ayoko na. I'm not promising anything, pero maiba naman, tara, g?

PS: It just hit me hard na naman. Usual gising ng nanay kong magaling, 4 to 5 am. Actually, madalas around 4:30 AM siya nabangon kasi may daily prayers pa siya bago mag-grind. LERKKKZZZZ.

0 notes

lilyserena · 1 year ago

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3.2

• woke up around 10am

• sex

• slept in / laid in bed until noon (12:17)

• shower (did not wash hair)

• brush teeth am

• wash face

• exfoliate face (tatcha rice polish)

x didn’t do skincare / moisturizing steps

• bring dishes downstairs

• take out dishes from dishwasher

• make air-fryer chicken thigh (8+7 mins)

• eat lunch/first meal - chicken and leftover chicken ramen soup 250 calories

x didn’t put on sunscreen before leaving the house

• on time to pickup (laundry basket and fire tablet from local buy nothing group)

x didn’t stop by store / asian market for fish (but this is optional)

• ate canned peanut tofu drink thing 200 calories

• chilled most of the day

x didn’t clean room

• ate one ferrero rocher (just one is ok! more is not. yesterday ate four) 70 calories

• bring dishes downstairs

• peppermint tea 2 cups 5 calories

• cook eggs

• fridge management - used up 3 foods (eggs, gruyere, marinated chicken thighs)

• eat 3 scrambled eggs with gruyere and 3/4 chicken thigh 600 calories

• drink 1% milk 105 calories - testing if I’m lactose intolerant… sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. yesterday I was very intolerant.

• take out dishes from dishwasher

• put in dirty dishes

• water 4/8 - x didn’t drink enough water today, but at least I don’t feel thirsty. probably from eating oranges.

• eat 1 1/2 mandarin oranges 70 calories - got vitamin C

• over protein goal (too high but it’s fine)

• stayed under carb/sugar limit

• ok on calorie intake - had 1300 calories

yesterday I binged (1800 calories) but really it felt more like a metabolism day and today I was way less hungry.

• shopping - didn’t buy anything unnecessary. spent $20 walgreens cash on period stuff (L. pads), paid $16, and bought Saalt reusable menstrual disc, steamer cleaning device, and two period underwear for $90. anyway money well spent to make life 100% more comfortable hopefully. total spent - $110

• paid someone on PayPal for lululemon 3 items, bought yesterday - $99

• checked United miles

• library card for Libby

before sleeping,

x shower

• brush teeth pm

x wash face

• skincare

• clean up small things - recycle, trash, bowls

• put worn clothes in pile

x did not clean room, didn’t have the spoons to hang clothes away so I just put them together in a box and hung them on the back of my computer chair. whatever it’s good enough, at least they’re not on the carpet

• take out hand towels and kitchen towels from laundry, put in drawer

• take melatonin

• make and drink warm water

• take med - birth control

• take vitamins - calcium

• take supplement - glutathione

• charge phone

• wear apple watch

• clean kitchen area (but did not spray down counters). put things away

x foot care - bring a cream from home next time

45/52

#low spoons #low spoon day log #low spoon done list #done list #low spoon productivity journal

0 notes

dopaminergicaddictions · 1 year ago

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I fell asleep around 10:25-10:35 and woke up at 12:26..... then I fell back to sleep maybe 20 minutes later... I woke up at 2:39..

I got maybe 2 hours and 30 minutes to 3 hours if I pretend I passed right out. I laided there from 2:39 to 4:44 with my eyes closed. Nothing happened....

So cool..I can take another half fuck up my whole schedule.... or I can take 2 hours and 30 minutes of sleep and take my pill at 6 pm.....

So not only am I struggling to fall asleep but I'm struggling to stay asleep.I wake up the first hour every time.... then I slept for maximum 2 hours to 4 hours. I usually do gall back to sleep. I didn't do a full dose tonight cause i can't.... so I mean it's better than no sleep but will I ever get better from psychosis??? I can't if I can't maintain regular sleeping patterns..I want a normal circadian rhythm... I could do lunasta but I'll fuck myself up for life.

I'm feeling really hopeless. I really don't understand..I used to sleep just fine with weed. I have quit years ago for 3 months periods and slept fine. The drugs suppresses the mental pictures with the attached auditory hallucinations. I mean.... I didn't have problems staying asleep ever....falling back to sleep was like 2 minutes.

I don't know how I'm supposed to survive this much longer. All I can think about is how sleep deprivation is going to affect my recovery... how I can't sleep regularly.... how I might be doing all this fighting for nothing.

What is psychosis doesn't ever end??? I mean if I keep fighting and I die to this, I'm not even going to have enjoyed a second of the end.

I always said if I got terminal cancer I'd kill myself before it got bad and live it up...

This might as well be terminal cancer and I already have the hole in my throat. I just want my fucking weed back.

I'm about to cave. It's not getting better anyways but if I could hit my cape a few fucking times before bed I'd be out like a light.........

Internal peace might as well be a billion dollars. It might as well be a vacation in Bermuda..with a mansion and servants. I've given up on ever not hearing a voice.

But can I fucking sleep.

I'm a full blown benzo addict and I can't help myself and yet I'm not sleeping and I can't fucking black head anymore. 2 hours ans 30 minutes it too fucking much. I can't do it.

What if this is all for nothing and I'm walking around with my hole on my throat for nothing???

I'm really about to end it. It would be a mercy kill. I love myself enough to say this is too much and I need to end it. I can only deal with this fucking shitty insomnia for so much longer

I really might give in and smoke weed again.

I could sleep for the month of October, you know microsleep month. Then I started sleeping on November 3rd...... well I closed my eyes and I passed out in 20 minutes cause the voice got much quieter. I was still delusional and everything esrly November but that voice got quiet enough to drown out, SOMETIMES like it is now.....

I slept in 20 minutes and stayed asleep from November 3rd until November 20th. Then I stopped weed and it went to laying there with my eyes closed for 5-10 hours..

If I can't smoke weed soon I'm going to end this shitty "life".

Try thinking positive thoughts, here are mine, maybe I could get a ps5 if I struggle, maybe in a year I can play thr new silent hill 2, maybe I could get youtube famous before I die, Mayne one day someone will marry me, Mayne one day I'll have kids. And thrn I go oh yea I'm poor. I have psychosis and I have insomnia that's killing me.

I already had them stab the hole in the throat why am continuing to try my life is very clearly never going to get better.

I'm giving myself max 2 weeks if this insomnia doesn't clear up.

0 notes

jeonfiles · 4 years ago

Text

better left unsaid - jjk

genre: angst, rebounds

pairings: jungkook x reader (ft. namjoon)

warnings: arguing, alcohol, profanity, break ups, light smut, use of drugs, jungkook is a fucking dick, jungkook has major attachment issues, toxic relationships, oc cries a lot, namjoon has a heart of gold, unrequited love

synopsis: you knew you shouldnt have given him that second chance, not the third or the fourth either. no matter how much you try he always slithers his way underneath your sheets, arms wrapped around you.

word count: 2.7k

music: into your arms, so it ends?, you will fade, thinkin bout you, julia, my insecurities not yours, fuck u, goodluck, my dear i will think of you

note: uhh ive never written a y/n fic so bare with me, if u listen to the music you’ll be able to feel the story a lot more so yeah if u have time u should, not proof read

Light coming through the cracks of the blinds, making you squint your eyes when the daylight beams into your eyes, head resting on the kitchen island Looking up, you saw the clock ticking on the wall, 11:32 am.

You had stayed up till 5 am, waiting for him to come home, but seemingly, he never did. Reaching for your phone, you saw 4 missed calls from the one and only,

Jeon Jungkook, saved in your phone as “Koo <3″, Rows of messages too, all from the same contact.

Koo <3 [05:34 am]

baby pkck me up pleseee

im so wsated

Koo <3 [06.46am]

dont be mad at me jsut pick me up

i dont knw hewere the fuck i am

i love you

Koo <3 [07:31 am]

i got a rde home i’ll be home by 12

i need to talk to someone frsit

im sorry if i woke ypu dont be worried

You took a few moments to collect your thoughts, but there wasn’t much to collect. This whole thing, was a routine by now.

Standing up to make yourself a cup of coffee, you could literally not feel your own backside, you were so sore from the barstool you had been sitting on all night, and it made you groan in pain.

Two coffee cups right beside the kitchen sink, which you couldn’t bring yourself to clean up, because it was from the last time you had coffee together, which was 2 weeks ago.

The inside of the cup had a coffee crust at the top, and both your lip tint marks on the outside.

When you finish your cup of coffee while watching a bad telenovela, you go sit in your favorite chair and pull out a few books from the backpack hanging on the chair next to you, getting ready to get some studying done.

For a few seconds you imagine Jungkook hanging over your shoulder laughing at the way you write your A-s and R-s, or the way you always sign your homework at the bottom of the page.

And when you open them, there’s no one there. The only sound is from the refrigerator, making refrigerator noises.

You had met Jungkook 3 years ago, when you were at college orientation, senior year of high school. He also wanted to attend Yonsei, just like you.

And when he whispered to you about how bored he was, you couldn’t help but giggle, and then you got yelled at.

It was worth it though, because everyone was jealous of you afterwards,the Jeon Jungkook had talked to you.

Jungkook was an all-rounder as they called it; great physique, intelligent, charismatic and great at sports.

And god, he had a beautiful face, and such a filthy mouth, and it didn’t go long before you gave in to his seductive ways and slept with him. The morning after, he wasn’t in bed with you, and your heart sank.

Luckily, he was in the kitchen making you breakfast.

It was all bliss from there, showering you with love, gifts and kisses for two years, and you even ended up moving in together.

And now? You barely remember what he sounds like, smells like and is like.

A distant memory, just as distant as him.

Your train of thought was suddenly interrupted as you heard 3 knocks on your door. The exact same way he had always knocked when he had forgotten (or lost) his keys.

And even though you should have let him suffer a little, you rushed to the door to open it, and in front of you, was your biggest nightmare.

It was your love, crying his eyes out, bleeding from one of many cuts on his face, looking nearly dead. He collapsed into your arms, and you could only utter a few words, along the lines of:

“How could you do this to us?”

As he was laying curled up in a ball on the couch, face plastered up, ice bag on his knee, wrapped up in a blanket, you realized. this was your que to cry.

So, you did. You cried in silence, sitting across the room from him. You weren’t mad at him for coming home late, or getting in another fight, probably the 5th just these past months, you had gotten used to that by now.

There was a whole other reason that made you cry.

He smelled like Victorias Secret Bombshell, you recognized the scent because it used to be your favorite, however, now you’ve moved onto something less sweet, and more elegant, like Caroline Herrera.

He smelled like someone who wasn’t you, his girlfriend.

He smelled like another girl.

It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. Maybe because the Jungkook that had come home to you that morning wasn’t your Jungkook.

Your Jungkook was varsity jackets, star of the american football team (which your school was known for), selfless and humorous, and he would always take care of you.

Your Jungkook was not ungroomed hair, cigarettes and worsening grades. He was not cold and lifeless, and he would never make you cry.

Despite this, you were carding your fingers though his hair, thumb wiping away the blood on his lips while he was sound asleep as you slowly fell asleep next to him.

Maybe it was time to let him go.

Maybe.

You woke a few hours later from your phone vibrating.

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:01 pm]

Hey Y/N! Have you started working on the statistics assignment?

If you haven’t, would you be interested in meeting at the library tomorrow? You’re really smart and i’m kinda struggling ://

You [07:03 pm]

i finished it yesterday, but if you buy me coffee i’ll come help you hehe

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:04 pm]

You’re the best, I’ll bring you a machiatto!! :D

Maybe it would be nice for you to get out of the house, even though you hate the thought of it, and you would much rather just swim in your own sorrow.

But you did go out the next day, and you helped Namjoon get a decent grade, enough to pass with good margines, he thanked you by taking you out for ramen at a convenial store not too far away.

You thanked him for the ramen with a trip to the museum, and he thanked you for the museum trip with a picnic in the park at night, which led you to crying over Jungkook in his embrace, telling him every single little detail.

He made you realize it was time to let Jungkook go and make room for new people to enter your life.

You went home that night, and you found Jungkook passed out on the couch, and you could genuienly feel your chest tighten. Soft features which stood out under the moonlight glow, disheveled brown locks which hung down in his eyes.

He was gorgeous, until you saw the credit card on the table next to three bottles of soju and an empty beer can on the floor. And you knew what he had used the credit card for, though you didn’t want to say it out loud.

You cleaned everything up, and you threw the residue of the white powder right in the trash can, and you recycled his bottles and cans before finally, nudging him to wake up.

“Jungkook, wake up.” You spat coldly, or at least you attempted to.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes before opening his eyes, and s huge smile on his face. “Y/N, you’re home!” He reached to kiss you, but you backed away.

“Y/N?” Jungkook questioned, he didn’t quite understand what your intentions were.

“Don’t try anything Jungkook. This was your last chance, and you fucked it up, again.” The room turned ice cold. “I’m getting you help Jungkook, you need help. And then...”

He understood what kind of help you meant, and since he had now sobered up, he agreed, nodding. “And then...?”

“And then.” Your words were ludged in your throat. “And then I’m leaving you.”

His whole face dropped, smile turned into the frowniest frown you had ever seen, and it was all silent before his lower lip starts trembling, and his eyes start turning glassy.

“It’s alright. Sorry for burdening you.” Was all he could say before tears rushed down his cheeks, and he started shaking.

So you did what you always had done, and you wrapped your arms around him, head resting on your chest as he sobbed.

“Is there anyone else?” he cried out before another wave of sobs hit him.

This exact question made your stomach hurt, and your throat burn. You really had no idea.

Or you did, but you didn’t want to.

You loved Jungkook so much, but you couldn’t be with him in this state. So you did what every rational person would do in this situation.

“Yeah.”

You lied.

“Oh ok. I don’t have the right to be mad do I?”

You shake your head no.

“I love you Y/N. I’m sorry I’m so messed up.”

“It’s ok.” was all he said before he fell asleep in your arms again.

That night you slither your way out of his embrace and you pack your suitcase in the dark, bringing all your essentials, trying to be as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Jungkook.

Packing enough for two weeks or so, you make the bed and leave your t-shirt “accidentally” in the bathroom, and you make sure all his clothes are folded, and then you sort his pencil case, throwing out old pens and worn out erasers.

You leave a grocery list on the counter, and you tuck him in good under the blankets after you took his jeans and socks off so he could sleep comfortably.

You placed his vitamins and medicine by the refrigerator so he’ll see it when he goes to grab something to eat.

Puffed up pillows, a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and underwear is now placed neatly on his bed. Then you walk into the kitchen again, and you see Jungkook still sound asleep, sniffling a little still.

There’s one last thing, and it makes you cry. It makes you sob so loud you cover your mouth and muffle the sound you make. Sinking to the floor, your whole body is in contact with the cold tiles.

Only a year ago you could never imagine yourself even shedding a single tear over something as small as this, but here you were, on the edge of a panic attack.

Two worn out, matching couple mugs still placed by the counter. one if the first things you two had bought together, as well as the necklace hanging around your neck.

Finally, you stopped crying and started cleaning the mugs, lip trembling as you dried them and placed them in the back of the cabinet.

You unhooked your necklace and laid it down on the counter, and the biggest lump formed in your throat.

Actually, there’s a little detail you forget.

You kiss Jungkook on the forehead and leave a note on the coffee table.

“Dear Jungkook,

If you want to make this up to me (this does not mean a new chance!!) you call the number at the bottom of the page. No matter what happens, I’ll always have room for you in my heart. You even have your own little VIP lobby in there. And - if it’s urgent, call. I still care for you, and I always have. You were the best boyfriend I’ve had, but good things always come to and end, don’t they? Anyways, I’m tired so this letter fucking sucks, but deep down you know how much I love you. Remember to get groceries, shower, get fresh air and study. If I forgot something you can keep it, as long as you call the number and tell them you’re my friend. They’ll help you love. Try and get a part time job too, your student loan and your dad’s money won’t last forever. Good luck Koo. Hwaiting!!

-L/N Y/N <33″

You cringe when you think of the letter’s contents, before you roll out your suitcase out of the front door, whispering a faint “Goodnight Love.” as you close and lock the door behind you.

Standing by the elevator, you cry again. This time, louder, but you still reach for your phone and type out a text to the newly edited contact in your phone.

You [02:13 am]

coming outside now, im a crying mess and im super cold, is your car heated?

sorry for making you wait btw :((

Joonie <3 [02:13 am]

dont worry about the crying part, i’ll hold you. and yeah car is heated, so waiting here wasnt all that bad. you ready for this?

You [02:14 am]

i have no idea but i cant stay here any longer and i trust you sooo

lets start our new chapter. eh?

4 months later...

He had been good to you, great even.

You had been on expensive dates, picnics, had heart to heart conversations, and he’d been so understanding.

Today, it was your 2 month anniversary, and he had asked you on a magnificent date, which he had planned every second of.

At the end of the day, you told him how you don’t love him. He said it was alright. Namjoon loved you, so much, yet he understood you needed time.

You went to sleep that day, warm in Namjoon’s embrace, wondering how Jungkook was doing.

You felt bad, but you missed Jungkook.

You were both with someone new now, and you knew he was in good hands with someone stable enough to care for him.

Before your eyes closed shut, you shed a few quiet tears and hoped that you’d fall in love with Namjoon soon, and deep down you knew you would.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #namjoon smut #jungkook ff #bts ff #bts imagines #bts scenarios #namjoon ff #bangtan smut #jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jeongguk ff

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equestrianwritingsstuff · 4 years ago

Note

For the BTHB: enemy turned caretaker with Villain whumpee and Hero caretaker ???

Thank you, your writing is amazing. Have a good day!!!

Thank you for the ask and lovely comment! I hope you don't mind that I gave the characters genders as my brain cannot write with neutral ones today, but feel free to imagine the characters as you like.

If you want to send in an ask: here.

Downside to the River

@badthingshappenbingo

Warnings: beating, intensive description of broken bones (including broken leg, ribs, and jaw), blood, minor vomit, losing consciousness, bathing, enjoying hurting others

Maybe she went a little too far.

Maybe, it was a possibility.

Likely? No.

Unlikely? No.

Did she? Yes.

Now, the real question was... did she care?

In the heat of the moment, that trilogy of words wouldn't dare cross her fired-up mind.

But afterwards? After the deed was done? After she tucked him into bed with a warm blanket?

Yes, she cared. She cared and regretted it.

Let's go back in time for moment, shall we?

July 15, 11:23 PM:

Her fist struck something hard, her ears heard a crack, but her heart felt victory. Her other hand dove in, earning the same satisfying sensation.

"Knock it off, will you?" The villain below her spat, blood circling in the sticky saliva. "I get your point ma'am."

Hero didn't listen. She kicked, landing a near-stunning blow on Villain's chest. He wheezed, coughing and wincing, but he didn't get much time for recovery before another kick sent him hurdling to the ground. He laid there, winded and exhausted, calculating his injuries for greatest to least- he doubted Hero would hurt him further; after all, he was already down.

Yet the otherwise positive premonition failed him. Hero slammed both fists into his temple. Way to kick a man when he's already down, Villain groaned to himself just as stars erupted in his already dimming vision.

He brought himself clumsily to his arms, legs still reclining against the wooden floor. They were on a bridge in the woods, a place that young couples would go for dates on. Though it was more than obvious that wasn't the intention for the late night visit.

Hero pounced, a flying fist meeting his ribcage. Crack! Hero pulled back for moment to allow Villain to collapse on the ground, grunting and moaning weakly, before hopping to her feet and jumping on his side.

"I get your point," Villain growled through clenched teeth.

"I doubt that," Hero retorted, and stomped on Villain's outstretched hand.

"Nngh," Villain replied, pulling in his hand instinctively, but Hero didn't allow for that form of comfort. She placed her shoe onto his wrist and pinned it down.

"Shut up, will you?"

Crrreeeeaaaakkkk

Hero stood up straighter, giving Villain minimal, but relief nonetheless. When the eerie sound didn't come again, she continued her pin of victory.

Creeeeaaakkkk

Hero looked around again, shrugged, but stopped. There was something different in the air.

It was raining.

Not just a drizzle, but a downpour.

Hero looked over the side of the bridge to see raging waters hitting the wooden beams.

Oh crap.

It was a flash flood.

Hero pushed herself away from Villain and bounded to shore. She jumped over pools of mud and water, leaped over fallen branches, and slid over slick slides of leaves.

Before sprinting back home, Hero took a glance over her shoulder at Villain who was struggling to get back on his feet. For a moment, a pure second of temptation, Hero considered going to save him.

No, she told herself, silently shaming herself for those types of thoughts. He is a monster. He brought this upon himself.

Hero looked up again to see the bridge collapse. Villain's arms and legs gave out as a beam smacked into his back, right by the shoulder blades. She didn't have to hear his holler to know the horrible sound that escaped his bloody lips.

As he fell, obviously dazed and disoriented, his skull smashed into a stray piece of wood and he was enveloped by the muddy waves.

July 16, 12:18 AM:

Hero laid upon her bed, aimlessly wrapping a strand of her hair around her index finger, making knots and toying with the invention. Her mind was wandering. Was he dead? Or dying? Was he alone and cold? Or was he not even awake, only his body awaiting inevitable death?

Hero looked out the window and into the dark sky beyond. The consistent tapping on her window told her that it was indeed still raining- pretty heavily at that. But the rain wasn't her concern.

"He is cold," she whispered silently to herself, shaking her head, blonde curls bouncing off her forearms.

She tried to concentrate on her Game of Hair-Knots, but her restless legs walked themselves to the window, her inquisitive eyes looking outside.

Where was he?

She forced herself back to her bed and plopped back onto the comfortable cushioning. She laid her head against the comforter. Should go back out there...

No. She aimed to defeat Villain that night. The task was over, mission finished.

She didn't defeat Villain. The storm did. The intoxicating flash flood that more than definitely was making Villain suffer with dreadful hypothermia.

Save him.

But he is better dead.

It's not right.

I'm saving the world.

You're saving yourself. Go!

Hero rolled onto her back, groaned, and ran down the stairs. She threw on a jacket, grabbed a flashlight and trotted through the booming thunderstorm.

July 16, 12:56:

"Villain!" Hero screamed over the gusts of bellowing winds. She waved her flashlight around wildly. "Villain!"

She was following the river. He had to have turned up somewhere. She shuddered thinking of the waterfall not to faraway from where she was.

It was too crazy of one, but if he fell...

Hero didn't want to think of the "what ifs".

After a few more minutes of looking, she came upon said fall of water. Heart lurching, Hero madly searched around it, desperate to find him before the drop off.

He wasn't anywhere in sight.

Hero ran down the hill that caged the powerful waves up. She tripped over sticks and branches, and even fell a couple times, but kept going.

She had to find him.

And that she did.

His body was laying haphazardly on a rock, completely limp and seemingly unresponsive.

"Villain!" Hero yelled and crouched next to the injured person. Shining the light over his wet face, she could see all the bruises she left, the odd angle his jaw was in, and the smeared trace of blood on his temple where he hit his head earlier.

She let the light wander over the rest of his drenched, and nauseatingly bloody, body. A large wooden beam rested on his leg. His leg, in question, was sticking up on the other side, bent inward with blood staining the pale material of his jeans.

Hero shot straight up to look closer at his leg. If she moved it, she knew it would upset his injuries even further unless, of course, she woke Villain up.

"Hey," Hero tapped Villain's cheek until unfocused eyes open. "Wake up," she whispered.

Villain took a moment to get his bearings, but the moment he did, he screamed. "Hurts, hurts so much," he sobbed. Hero kept her hands rested on his shoulder until he shook them off.

"Get your hands off of me," he growled, glaring at Hero.

She didn't blame him.

But she did ignore him.

"You are trapped under that beam," she informed the villain, pointing to the heavy board that laid upon his lower body. Villain's gaze, still full of hatred, followed her finger.

"I have to lift it. The second I do, drag yourself away. Got it?"

Villain seemed to realize how dire his situation was for he nodded his head. Hero gave an encouraging smile and proceeded to lift the beam.

"Wait," Villain said. "How bad is it?"

"Bad."

Villain noticeably gulped and furrowed his brow.

Hero lined up to the board and wrapped her arms around the slimy material. "Ready? On the count of three. One... two... three..."

Hero lifted while Villain pulled himself to his feet- or foot.

The wood slipped from her hands. Even though her muscles trembled from lifting the beam- thanks to the blessing of adrenaline- she looked at Villain, who was swaying on his foot.

Then she looked down, at his leg.

The bone was popped out of his pants, white and ragged, with cracks running downwards. Hero felt bile rise up her throat, but the nauseating feeling was quickly succumbed when she noticed Villain's eyes roll backwards.

"Crap!" She exclaimed and caught Villain as he collapsed into her arms. His head lolled on her shoulder, body the human equivalent of a ragdoll.

July 16, 2:12 AM:

Hero dragged Villain into the bathroom and quickly got him out of his sodden clothes and wrapped in countless blankets. His lips were an unnatural shade of blue, fingertips waxen in yellow candlewax.

"C'mon bud," Hero murmured, rubbing his wrists to stimulate warm blood flow. She periodically checked hie temperature and smiled as it increased by the decimal.

His hair was matted in dirt and blood- he needed that cleaned immediately before it got into any open wounds. Hero found so many, so many little cuts and deep gashes that she lost count. He would need stitches, antibiotics...

His leg. Surgery was a definite.

But bringing him to a hospital would be suicide for him.

But wasn't I the one who just wanted him dead? The one who left him for dead?

Hero shook her head. That train of thought wouldn't help the situation.

The moment his body temperature was raised enough to safetly bathe him without the risk of even more pain due to the sudden change from cold to hot, Hero filled the tub with warm, vanilla scented water, and lowered him gently into it. She took the showerhead and tenderly rinsed out his hair, picking out hardened bits of mud and dried blood.

He slept through her motherly care, sometimes groaning, but Hero was quick to soothe him.

The next task in cleaning him was shampooing his hair. She scrubbed her coconut scented soap into his hair, then rinsed, dipping his head back to avoid getting it into his eyes.

When the bath was done, Hero wrapped him in a thick bathrobe, tied the front into a bow and carried him to her room where she wrapped a blanket around his sleeping frame.

The last thing Hero did before sitting in a nearby chair was call her friend.

"Caretaker? I kinda have a situation here."

#villain whumpee #injured villain #unconscious whumpee #heros and villains #writing #bad things happen bingo #hero whumper #hero caretaker #storms #broken bones

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qui-02 · 4 years ago

Text

Note:Ok! Hello hope you are doing well! Thanks for requesting again I hope you like it @violetarks !Ok this ended longer than expected so I am going to do a part 2 with momo and Todoroki hope you don’t mind the wait.P.S this seems so familiar but I just can’t remember where or when it happened or if this is still continuing. 🤡 lmaoooo 😂

When you started going to school in the mornings he would notice your eye bags from all the nights you couldn’t sleep. He also noticeed that you were relying on green tea or in any other sources that contained caffeine like Monster energy drinks to get through the tough day. Since he has a soft spot for you he would ask “what are those grey things under your eyes dumass!?”

The first day you told him “ooo don’t worry I just stayed all night long looking for Yarichin bitclub and I finally found it so I decided to watch it for the amazing opening , guess I got lost on the time.”Then the other days that this happened you would brush it off every day telling him “I am ok I just couldn’t sleep last night” and continued your new daily rutine. You just didn’t want to bring him into your own problems and overall you didn’t want to bother him,Since he was already busy with school and stuff.

When this continued for several weeks and close to months and he noticed that you were closed to zombie like in the tough insurance training and you weren’t as energetic and overall you he SANPED.

“Ok idiot you are sleeping in my dorm tonight!” You where shocked that he was so straight forward with what he just said. “ But Tsuki I am alright I don’t have to go to sleep to your dorm, I will be alright don’t worry about me.” The blond boy wasn’t going to fall for your cheap old lie that you have been saying for a couple of weeks now.

The day came to an end and you where chilling with the girls in the common room when they all said that it was late and they were going to bed. You all said goodnight when suddenly Bakugo appeared and dragged you to his room and locked the door. “ Tsuki what are you doing?” He just stared at you and then he said “ I am helping you sleep dumbass, what else would be doing?”

You turned the lights off and said good night to your lovely boyfriend. He looks so cute when he is sleeping. You were admiring his features and then soon you found yourself sleeping.

You woke up you thought that you had slept around 8 ours and it was time to get up and get ready for school. You tilted your head too see the time and it was 12:03 AM you were disappointed you went to bed at 9 pm you had only slept 3 hours! You stared at the ceiling for a couple of minutes but for you it felt like years.

“ Can’t sleep idiot?” a sleepy voice said. “ Hmm... wait Tsuki how did you now? Did I wake you up I am so sorry baby.” Bakugo sensed that you were awake “ I just new that you were awake,ok” he asked questions about what you usually do when you wake up at night. “ I usually try to fall back asleep but it seem impossible to do that, so I just talk to my friends on discord until I fall back to sleep from the tiredness.”

Bakugo wanting you to fall back to sleep he activated his explosive quirk and heated his hands just a tiny bit and placed them on your tummy. It felt so nice and warm to have his hands warming you up. Then he did something that he would be extremely ashamed if anyone found out. He started cuddling you your back was pressed against his build chest. That is a side of him that only you can get to see. He also started humming a sweet lullaby to help you.

You felt so warm and special, soon your eyes were closing. When you opened your eyes again you saw light coming from the window. You did it! You sleept through the night like a normal high school student! He heard little snores from your sleeping boyfriend. Gosh he looked so damm cute that you managed to get out of his grip and grasp your phone to take a cute picture of him. You were definitely making that your phone wallpaper. You also noticed that you had 50+ notifications from your friends. You where definitely reading that later to catch up with the discord chat.

When Bakugo woke up you booth got ready for school. The weekend came and Your sweet ass boyfriend had bought you one of those cute animal plushies that you put them on the microwave so they are nice and warm when you go to bed. He just tossed that seal plushy into your dorm room. When you opened the doorm you saw the plushie. You new exactly from who that came from. You went and look the giver of the gift, when you found him you gave a big bear hug and a lil kiss on his cheek. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING IDIOT!!?” You just laughed and answer “thanks for the present I love it!” He blushed which was a beautiful sight “Whatever.”

BONUS: “sawarasenai🥰kimi😸wa⛓shoujo👻na💅no?böKù🌸Wâ🧚ÿARiçHiñ🙈BįCChī😾ńO😩oSû👅Dà🎉yooooo!” You loved that intro so much that you couldn’t stop singing it even though the lyrics were dirtier that the own WAP themselves. “Y/N AS A CLASS REPRESENTATIVE I ASK YOU TO PLEASE STOP SINGING THIS VULGAR SONG” then your boyfriend came and joined the conversation “YES DUMBASS I HAVE TO AGREE WITH 4 EYES ON THIS PLEASE STOP I CANNOT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD” Your boyfriend said in a very angry voice. You were laughing your ass of at this.

The song is down here if you want to listen to it! ⚠️WARNING ⚠️ THIS SONG IS SO ADDICTING I SANG IT IN MY ONLINE CLASES ACCIDENTALLY AND I HAD THE MICROPHONE ON ! ALSO I PLAYED THE SPANISH VERSION TO A FRIEND AS A PRANK SHE GOT MAD 😡 LMAOOO!

This amazing boyfriend that you have dear reader noticed at the moment you first started drinking Monater energy drinks . Like he new that you lectured Denki on why he should stop drinking them if he wanted to have a long and healthy life free of diabetes type 2 and stuff. He looked at you and at the drink in shock , “ O this don’t worry babe I just feel tiered so I asked Denki for one don’t worry it’s just 1 drink.” He believed you he thought she just sleep bad for 1 night that’s all.

Then you weren’t paying attention to class nor hero training he got very worried for you. Or you were basically falling asleep in all the free time you had just like Aizawa sensei. You were using the day to nap for a while. Basically he noticed that your whole routine had turned upside down. You drank green tea like it was no tomorrow you sometimes did in secret because we all now that caffeine kept you going.

He went to goggle to see if he could figure out something for his tiered S/O. Since we all now that he isn’t the smartest he left that aside for a while. You told him that you were heading to bed and Kirishima did the same.

The clock hit 2:38 AM you were wide awake, you tossed and turned trying to fall back asleep. You soon gave up so you started watching complications of Nikocado Avacado and Orrin fighting because the night was long and honestly that hopeless couple mad you laugh so hard. You could spend hours just watching them fighting because it was so funny 🤣.

Your boyfriend couldn’t sleep either thinking about you. So he decided to go and chek on you and see if you were sleeping but he new that you were wide awake because his boyfriend instinct told him that. When he opened your dorm he saw the bright and white light of your computer, you where also holding back a big ass laugh so you wouldn’t wake anyone else for some reason.

You noticed you boyfriend that was standing in you dorm room half asleep. You feel really bad for him because you had worried him so much to the point he had to come and check on you like he was your parent. “Kiri baby what are you doing here?” He opens his mouth and stared talking “ Pebble you should be sleeping, let’s go down stairs and make some tea to help you sleep ok?” He ended that sentence with a big yawn.

You guys went downstairs and got yourself a nice cup of warm chamomile tea. He hoped that would help you fall asleep. “Is the tea good pebble?” He said with a sleepy voice you didn’t answer for a while you were admiring his red hair that was down, you didn’t get to see that sight very often. “Ooo sorry,yes yes it’s really nice thank you bub” you finish your tea and headed to kirishima manly room.

You both settled down on the comfortable bed. Kirishima proceeded and cuddled you. Your chest was pressed on his chest and he had his chin on top of your head. Before you tried to fall back asleep he gave you a sweet kiss on the forehead.

“Rise and shine” your lovely boyfriend said in a happy and cheerful tone! You opened your eyes and saw the red haired boy smiling at you. “Morning bub I slep well thanks to you, so thank you for the help!” “No problem pebble I am glad I could help!”

You both got ready for school and stuff. Kirishima is the type of boyfriend that buys you cute gifts because he thinks it is manly and most importantly because he thinks that you would like them. So this time your gift was a 14 pound weight blanket that was a lovely grey color.

When it was the weekend he came into your room with the blanket. You let him into your room and asked “bub why do you have that blanket?” He placed it down on your bed “since you have trouble sleeping I thought that this might help pebble.” You rushed to him and gave him a hug and a sweet kiss on the lips “thank you so much Kirishima you are the best! Also I love the gift.” Then you spent the rest of the evening enjoying each other.

BONUS: Kaminari soon found out about your heavy present. He thought why not yeet that heavy ass planet to Bakugo and make a run for your lives. Being the idiot you are you said “sure why not” Let’s just say you got a very mad Bakugo with neck pain and Iida scolding you and Kaminari and of course the rest of the Bakusquad laughing their ass off.

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danihow · 5 years ago

Text

4 a.m

Bucky x Fem!reader

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Summary: Bucky calls you at 4 am because he missed you, and you pick up.

Warnings: Language? Idk.

Word count: 1.6k

A/N: Kinda based on the song “4get” by Voilá. And this is the first English one-shot I’ve ever wrote, so feedback is well accepted in here. Enjoy!

The phone was ringing wildly from the table at the side of the bed; you’d just agreed to yourself to let it ring, it was pretty damn late at night and you got to wake up really early in the morning. At the time the phone ringed, again, you extended your hand, passing it around searching for the goddamn phone, you just wondered who the fuck was calling at that hours; they should know that anything done passed 12 pm was between god and them, not you.

When your hand finally found it you sat, pushing your messy hair out of your face. Your eyes closing when they met with the bright screen of the phone. It took you a couple of seconds and slightly opening your eyes to read the name on the screen, yet it wasn’t a number you had registered.

“Hello?” You answered with confusion and your eyes closed, still sleepy. When your voice got to Bucky’s ears a sad smile posed on her face, his mind imagining you with your messy hair, closed eyes and probably rubbing them with the palm of your hand, trying to wake up a little more, just how you were when he came home from work to the apartment you both shared. “If this is a prank call I’m blocking you” You said when you got no answer, just about to hang up.

“No, no, ‘m sorry.” He said before you tried to hung up. When you heard him you finally woke completely up, your eyes widened and your brows went up with surprise, you hadn’t talked in more than a year.

“Y’know, I would love to hate you, I- I really would Y/N.”

His whisper to the phone was sad, melancholic, making you to furrow your brows even more confused. You were about to reply defensive but he interrupted you.

“Hate your smile, your eyes, the little wrinkles in your eyes when you laugh and sound like a pig.”

“Barnes are you drunk?”

“I don’t know actually, I don’t think I can get drunk anymore.” He said sincerely to you while looking ath the glass of whiskey. “But hey, shut up a sec and listen to me. Y/N”. He shushed you while extending his index flesh finger to air, just as if you were standing in front of him. “I- I’m sorry.” He muttered while letting out a heavy sigh. “I know I messed up badly, I was stupid in every possible way.” He said, putting beside his empty liquor glass. “Goddammit, I miss you. I really miss you.”

“Buck, you should’ve thought of that before breaking up with me, a year ago.” You said, sitting in your bed with your legs crossed.

“I know; I- I know. Steve is always telling me the same shit and I’m sick of knowing he’s right.” The frustration on Bucky’s voice was noticeable, especially by you. He was trying to get drunk with some whiskey but failing. “Every morning I wake up and get reminded of my mistake.”

You stand up from your bed in silence, walking to the little balcony your apartment had, looking at the city that never slept.

Both Bucky and you knew he was going to regret this call later, but he felt like he should, no, he had to get that weight off of his shoulders.

“You remember that time I got sick and you tried to make some soup and ended up burning it? I still not know how the heck you did that.” He said after a little silence. “You came to the bedroom and your face was a poem, you didn’t knew how to tell me you burned the boiling water and we needed some knew pots.”

“Shut up Barnes, go home and sleep.” You said, not wanting to listen to him and that bullshit. You looked up trying to figure out the hour; it must be really late.

“Were we worth it?” He asked, looking by the bar’s windows to the cars passing through the street.

“Bucky…”

“No, answer me Y/N.” He told. “Were we worth it?”

A heavy sigh escaped through you lips, you leaned your head down with tiredness. “We were, yeah, at the beginning, when it was all pink.” You said. “But we were not worth it later, when all we did was argue, arguing day and night, face to face or by phone; at that point it wasn’t worth it anymore.”

“I- I want to know something…” He started, just as if he didn’t ask enough.

“Go ahead.” You said, sitting on a little bench you had, still looking at the tall buildings in front of you.

“Why you didn’t come back? Why you didn’t stopped me from ending us?”

Your heart felt heavy, you knew the answer perfectly but weren’t sure if he wanted to hear it, if you wanted to accept it. “We… We weren’t working anymore Buck, you gave up on us and I didn’t wanted to keep trying, it wasn’t worth fighting for a lost relationship where we were unhappy about 80 percent of the time. I didn’t wanted that in my life, or yours.” You said, all the bitter unhappy moments hitting back on you like a truck.

“Oh, alright.” He said and the line went on silence, Hotline Bling sounding on the background at the bar. “So… um, I think I should let you sleep, sorry.”

“Don’t worry, is not like I got to work in the morning.”

“Oh really?”

“Of course I do Bucky, is Tuesday. Not all of us go around saving the world on weird schedules.” You said rolling your eyes. “And is fucking four, you should be sleeping too.”

“Yeah, whatever, I can deal with Sam’s annoying ass in the noon.” He said, causing a smile on your face while remembering how those two got along, you missed those stupid men too.

“And how are Sam and Steve doing? Does Steve still have that keeping-up-with-pop-culture list?” You asked when the call turned a little bit more comfortable, it was probably just the really late vibe hitting in.

“Sam is annoying as always, and Steve, well… is Steve.” He said, both of you let out a light laugh at the simplicity of the answer; yet you knew exactly what he meant.

Silence installed himself again when both of your laughs vanished slowly, it was a weird-not-uncomfortable silence where you both drowned in your feelings and thoughts. You felt like it was your turn to ask questions.

“What did you felt when we were together?” You asked concerned.

Bucky’s mind stopped working for a second before answering, that was a good damn question. “It all felt like it was meant to be there, like you were the one putting my life together, you made me feel normal again. I loved you.” He thought his words enough so he wasn’t too much a weirdo. “And you?”

You kept silence, waiting for the right words to come. “When we were together I felt like all my worries were kicked out of my life, like everything was in order with me and my life and I would never let you go.” That last words were like stone in both hearts, realizing how messed up everything got later.

The weird silence came in again; it was like he didn’t leave at all.

“Oh fuck it.” You heard Bucky cursing under his breath. “Look, I’m in a bar at four in the morning, paying fourteen dollars for a drink that I don’t know what it is, they have been playing songs of this man all night long and somehow you are the only thing running through my mind all damn night. I know we messed up, like really messed up. But what if we tried again?” He concluded, spilling all what he really wanted to say to you when he first called but didn’t had the guts to say.

“You think that if it didn’t work out once it will work out later?”

“Yes, I do. Maybe it was just not the right moment for us to happen. But I need you back in my life, Y/N please, give me, us a chance again.” He pleaded to the phone.

“Buck…” And that’s it, that is all you could say at the moment, it was really late to be thinking coherently and you needed to give him an answer.

After some more seconds of silence, he understood, nodding to himself and trying to swallow the pill. “Sure, ‘m sorry, didn’t meant to disturb.” He said finally regretting the whole call. “Goodnight Y/N” He said defeated, lowering his glaze and his mouth curving downwards knowing it was time to hung up.

“No, Buck, wait.” You said when you heard him sighing. “Let’s start slowly, as friends.” “Friends don’t feel this way.” He thought while listening to you.

“What about Dunkin’ Donuts at 2 o’ clock on Friday?” You suggested, making him smile to the phone.

“Dunkin’ Donuts at two, I’ll see you there.” He sentenced, nodding his head as if you could see him.

“By the way, how you got my number?” You asked finally thinking about it.

He made weird shh noises with his mouth. “Oh no, I’m losing reception, what a shame, see you on Friday. bye!” He said childishly making you laugh and forming a dumb smile in his face.

“Night.”

“Night doll.” He said just before you finally hung up.

Both of you were left with a bright smile on your face, you just looked silently at the lights and buildings of New York as he paid for the check and got out of the bar. What a hell of a night.

#bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #marvel #marvel imagine #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #james barnes #imagine #bucky barnes x reader #4am #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fic

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mosh-4 · 5 years ago

Text

when you were sleeping

harry styles imagine

when you were sleeping - your family has a crisis when he’s away.

warning: angst. suicide

you and Harry were currently braving a long distance relationship. it was difficult, but you both managed. you loved him, but you were also a very independent person. you didn’t need to be constantly surrounded by him to know that he loved you. you were on your last year of college, and he was in Tokyo writing music. you both had goals and were striving for them together.

from where you lived, Tokyo was 14 hours ahead. that meant you could only talk to Harry from 6 pm to 2 am your time, which would be 8 am to 4 pm his time. you only could talk to him within those 8 hours since you both had to sleep at some point and he also had to write music. it got to be frustrating, but you made it work.

you received your daily call from Harry when you were laying in bed. it was midnight where you were, 2 pm where he was. you decided to come home to visit your family since your university was having a 4 day weekend. you had thursday and friday off going into the weekend. it was nice. you got to see your dogs and eat home cooked meals.

“i think ‘m gonna have a late night tonight,” Harry muttered through the phone.

“oh yeah,” you said brushing a hand through your almost dry hair.

“yeah,” he said. “some of the guys want to go out tonight.”

you laugh. “sounds fun.” you roll onto your stomach. “when can i expect you to be awake?”

he laughed. Harry was big on getting up early. most days he got up at 8 am, sometimes 9 am if he was pushing it, but on mornings after nights he stayed out late, he tended to get up from 10 am to 11 am, if it was really late, he even slept until noon.

“i don’t want to stay out past 3 so hopefully no later than 10.”

you laugh. “okay, you goof. text me when you go to sleep so i know you’re still alive.”

“will do. how did your test go?” he asked changing the subject.

“it was good…” you continued to tell him about how well you did, and you began to talk about the production you were currently working on at school.

on thursday at 1:43 pm, you received a text.

harry: night night lovie

you laughed to yourself in the kitchen as you made yourself a cup of tea. your boyfriend was a goof. it was 3:43 am his time. you knew he wouldn’t be awake until at least noon his time. it wasn’t so horrible for him to sleep in. he got a lot of writing done this week. you remember him telling you about one of the songs he was working on and how it was almost complete.

you finished making yourself a cup of tea and took a seat on the couch with your two dogs putting on a movie you found on tv.

it was 5:36 pm. you had just gotten home from visiting with some of your friends from high school who were home on an early fall break. you were soaking wet from the rain. you were still home alone. your parents were at your brother’s teacher night at school, and your brother was at his football practice. you let the dogs out and gave them their dinner.

you decided to call your cousin, Lauren, to check in on her. she was the same age as your brother, and you three were extremely close along with your other cousin Collin, who was three years older than you.

when she answered the phone, your whole world came crashing down.

“hey,” you chirped into the phone before you could hear her cry.

in a shaky voice, she said, “(y/n).” she let out a few quick sobs before she finally spoke again. “Collin killed himself.”

you stood frozen in the doorway of your kitchen. “what?”

“Collin killed himself, i found him in his closet, and i screamed for my mom, and then i fell down the stairs and i scared the dogs, and Collin’s dead.”

your voice was caught in your throat. you knew Collin was suffering from depression, and it hadn’t been good for a while. you didn’t know it was this bad. you finally spoke. “oh baby,” you said gently. she cried harder. “do you want me to come there? do you need me to come to you?”

“no,” she said. “my mom has to call 911. i have to call my brothers. i have to go, (y/n), i have to go.”

with that, she hung up the phone quickly. you stood in your kitchen. numb. you felt incredibly numb. you had to do something. he couldn’t be dead. he wasn’t. this wasn’t real. everything’s fine. you’re crying now. when did you start crying? you had to call your mom. you had to tell them. oh god. your brother. he and Collin were best friends. they were so close despite their difference in age. how were you going to tell him.

you rung your mom’s phone. no answer. you rung your dad’s phone. no answer. they were probably meeting with a teacher. you would have to wait.

you heard the garage door open. the dogs went crazy as your brother came into the kitchen with his football bag and backpack in arms.

“hey,” he called to you while petting the dogs.

you cleared your throat. “Tom,” you took a breath to keep yourself from crying. he looked up at you as he put his bags on the floor by the kitchen table. “Tom, Collin killed himself.”

“what?” your brother peered up at you confused.

“Collin killed himself.” you said with tears in your eyes.

he sat himself in a chair at the kitchen table with his head hanging. you wrapped your arms around him and cried with him.

“can i use your phone to call mom and dad?”

he nodded and placed his phone on the table.

it was 6:27 pm. you were driving to your cousin’s house after you called her to tell her your parents were on their way there. she told you to come too.

when you arrived at their house, a police car was placed outside in front. you saw your oldest cousin’s husband standing outside handing his baby to his parents to take for the night. he caught you and Tom before you could go into the house. he pulled you both into a hug.

“just warning you, it’s not easy in there. you can’t see him. he’s still upstairs. they have the room taped off.”

he led you both inside to where everyone was gathered. the house was dark. your family was sitting in a dark room crying. you pulled your aunt into a hug as you both cried in each other’s arms. she let go of you and pointed a shaky finger to Lauren, who was curled up on a couch crying.

“she needs you. go to your buddy.”

you and Tom collapsed onto the couch with her and sandwiched her into a hug. all three of you sobbed into each other’s arms.

later that night, you cried with your family and listened to your aunt and cousins talk about how bad his depression was. you stood with your cousins when they brought him downstairs on a stretcher. you watched as your aunt and dad said their goodbyes to him. after his dad left, your dad was the closest thing he had to a father, and Collin was the only one who could make your dad laugh like a little kid. your mom held you as your cried. you watched as they placed him into the ambulance and took him away.

10:14 pm. 1 missed call from Harry Styles.

1 message:

harry: hi lovie, i survived the night

you left him on read.

the next morning, your eyes were swollen and raw. you woke up a little after 9:30. you saw another message from Harry at 11:26 pm.

harry: goodnight love. i’ll call you again tomorrow.

you left him on read again. you don’t mean to be a bitch. you’re still processing.

Harry noticed you left him on read again. you normally would respond fairly quickly, and you never went to bed before midnight. he found your lack of response odd. it was 11:45 pm his time. he decided to catch at least a few hours of sleep and to call you at 6 am, which would be 4 pm your time.

he woke up at 6:12 am. he rubbed his sleepy eyes before grabbing a drink. he cleared his throat, and he picked up his phone.

it was 4:23 pm. you were sitting on the floor of your grandparents living room. your cousins were surrounding you as the adults sat in the kitchen. you were playing with your oldest cousin’s 1 and a half year old daughter. she was the only thing that kept your spirits up.

your phone began to ring. Harry’s contact picture appeared on your screen. you watched your phone as it rang. your eyes began to cloud with tears.

“answer it,” Lauren said as she caught her niece in her arms, who was running back and forth between her and her sister tackling everyone in hugs. she was so young yet she understood that we were sad and needed comfort.

you nodded to her. clearing your throat and sliding to answer the phone, you walk outside to sit on the front porch.

“hey lovie.”

“hi haz,” you let out in a raspy voice. it had been a while since you had actually spoken.

Harry could tell you had been crying. your raspy voice was a telling sign.

“hey, what’s wrong? are you okay?” Harry’s eyebrows were furrowed together as he heard her shaky breath through the phone.

“Harry, my cousin killed himself last night.” you blink back tears as you drop your head into your hand.

“oh love,” he said gently. “i can’t imagine how you feel right now.” he didn’t know what to say. who was it? which one?, he thought to himself.

“it’s okay, haz. i’m sorry i ignored you. i just didn’t know what to say-”

“no, no. it’s okay. i understand. you don’t need to apologize.” he took a breath to calm his voice. what he would give to be there right now for her. to hold her as she cried. he felt horrible that he wasn’t there. “do you want me to come home?”

“no. that’s okay.” you said. he felt like she had punched him in the gut. she doesn’t want me there, he thought. “i know you’re busy and working right now. you don’t need to come home for this. i’ll be okay.”

you lied. you wanted him there. you wanted him to hold you and to rub your back as you cried. but, you know his work is important. so you lied. you told him you were gonna be fine. you were most definitely not fine. you had a hole in your heart. someone so loved and brilliantly smart and witty who could make the whole room smile was gone, and you were not okay with that.

“you’re important too,” harry started. he wasn’t going to let her push him away. “i know you like to be an independent person, and you don’t like to depend on people, but you can depend on me. i want to be there for you. it hurts me that i can’t be there for your right now. i love you so much, and i wish i could take the pain away for you. can i be there for you? can i come home to you?”

you burst into tears. you had tried so hard to hold them in. “yeah. okay,” you let out in a shaky voice. you couldn’t see anymore. your eyes were blurred by the tears. “come home to me.”

“okay. i’m coming home to you. ‘m gonna book a flight, and ‘ll text you when i find out when i land.”

“mkay,” you said your voice thick from the tears.

Harry landed at 8 am on saturday morning. you picked him up at the airport, and silently waited at the baggage claim for his luggage holding his hand. you had been quiet since he arrived. you were scared that you would burst into tears if you said anything.

you broke down when you got to your car. he held you in the parking lot of the airport as you sobbed into his chest. he took your keys and drove you home.

later saturday afternoon, you, your family, and Harry were at your aunt’s house. you were sitting with your mom, aunt, Lauren, and her older sister. you were putting together a photo board and were looking through pictures of Collin. you reminisced with Lauren about funny moments with him on your numerous family vacations.

your dad and brother were running around town to each department store to find green ties for each of the men in your family. Collin’s favorite basketball team was the Boston Celtics. his signature look was khaki shorts with a Celtics jersey or some sort of Celtics apparel. he wore mostly green. the men were wearing green ties as a tribute to him.

Harry was in the kitchen unboxing pizzas he ordered for everyone. he couldn’t really do much so he made himself useful by getting everyone food. you were extremely grateful for him.

the funeral was monday. you had to get up early to drive to the service. you were sitting at the vanity table in your room doing your makeup while Harry stood in front of your mirror putting on his cuff-links. he was wearing a simple black suit. his tie was hanging untied around his neck. you put the finishing touch on your hair and makeup and moved onto putting on your earrings.

your dad knocked on your bedroom door just as Harry was about to tie his tie. you both looked up at your dad.

“i-uh,” he started to say looking from you to Harry. “i have an extra green tie.” he looked down to the tie in his hands before reaching it out to Harry. “would you wear this today?”

Harry gently took the tie from your dad’s hands. your eyes welled with tears. Harry looked up from the tie and into your dad’s eyes, which were red from crying.

“i would be honored.” Harry spoke removing his tie to replace it with the green one. he tied it swiftly in the mirror before turning back to your father.

your dad nodded in approval, not saying much. it warmed your heart just as it broke it. that had meant a lot to your dad. he had allowed Harry to take part in this extremely difficult day, not as just a boyfriend of his daughter, but as a member of your family.

his voice broke you out of your thoughts. “we are leaving in 10.”

the funeral was a blur. Tom and your cousins were the pallbearers. Harry stood by your side the whole time. his arm around you or his hand holding yours. it was a difficult day. your makeup was trashed. your eyes were red and raw. Harry got you some food at the luncheon afterwards. he made you eat a few bites every now and then.

when you got home, you just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep. he helped you take your dress and jewelry off. you put on your comfy clothes while he grabbed you a makeup remover wipe, and he helped you take your makeup off. he let you climb in bed with the shade over your window drawn down darkening your room. he got out of his suit and changed into his comfy clothes before crawling into bed next to you.

you cried in his arms, and you were so grateful for him being there.

hope you enjoyed. i know this was a bit darker. it was inspired by my cousin who passed in october. - mosh

#harrystyles #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst

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heartbreakgrill · 4 years ago

Text

Serious; Luke Hemmings (Pt. 2)

a/n: I have so much drama in my heart❤️

description: he came with the fall of the leaves and left with winter cold. maybe, this time, he’d stay.

It didn’t feel like five days had passed; but they did.

Luke came each morning, every single one. The first one, a Tuesday, he was bearing coffee and donuts- your favorite flavor of each. The fact that he remembered surprised, as well as the gentle kiss he lay upon your forehead when you answered the door.

You hadn’t expected him that early- 7 am. He’d remembered you woke up at that time, too. You’d slept for nearly 12 hours, exhausted from your reunion on Monday, and already feeling the emotional distress you’d experience in a week. When he knocked, you were still in bed, having naturally woken, but snuggled up in your phone. The sheets still smelled like him, so you slept on the side in which he’d lay. It was warm when you first moved, not long after he’d left, but the heat slipped into your bones and replaced itself with the shape of the air in your apartment.

You fumbled out of bed, slipping on the forgotten socks from yesterday, a random t-shirt- his, random, Van Halen shirt- and pajama bottoms. You hastily tied your hair back as you neared the door, barely peering through the peephole before swinging it open.

He smiled softly at you, adored by the way your face was flushed and puffy, sleep in your eyes and a yawn creeping up your throat. He stepped in, hands full of a bag of donuts and a holder for two coffees. Luke stepped inside, towering over you, and kissing your forehead. You blushed, shutting the door softly as he found his place at a stool at your kitchen island.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he finally spoke.

You burned under his stare, carefully removing your coffee cup and accepting the donut he held out to you. “G’morning.”

“Did you sleep well? You fell fast in my lap,” he laughed a little bit, but his voice was gruff from obvious exhaustion.

You shrugged and sat next to him. He turned on his still to face you, knees knocking against your own. There were slits in his black jeans, allowing the white skin beneath to kiss your own. It was a simple gesture, but your heart swooned.

Why was he being so affectionate?

“Yeah, I did,” you furrowed your brows, teeth biting off a hunk of donut.

As you chewed, he replied, “Good. I’m obviously still tired. Jet lags a bitch.”

Luke watched as you ate, drank every once and again, your eyes boring into the kitchen floor and feet swinging back and forth. Your brows stayed drawn together, expression full of something he couldn’t quite reach.

“You okay?” His voice dropped in volume, stepping carefully around you.

You swallowed firmly before meeting his gaze, head turning up. “Why are you being so affectionate?”

Luke grinned at this. You automatically bit your lip, face scrunching up in a, ‘oops.’

He reached for your hand, twisting the fingers between his own. “I wanna make last year up to you. It was a shitty thing to do, when I stopped messaging back. I mean, everything I did was shitty. So I’m trying to redeem myself.”

You frowned deeply, “So it’s...pity?”

Luke suddenly looked shocked, his face that of a heartbroken puppy dog. He had changed so much; the strong, guarded heart of a rockstar had morphed into a confident, yet somewhat vulnerable sweetheart.

You firmly gripped his hand, as he stuttered. “No-no. I’m sorry it seems like that. It’s not like I’m doing this just because I feel bad. I do have feelings for you, I-“

“Feelings?” You braced yourself, a smile inching up your neck.

Luke flushed this time, the heat prickling the tips of his ears which stuck out from the hair tucked behind them. He shrugged, “Yeah. I’ve always had feelings for you and just being around you again brought them back.”

“And this time you’re not completely taken up,” you mumbled. You stood from the stool and wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

He embraced your waist, thumbs circling into your hipbones. “I’m all yours.”

“Okay,” you scrunched your noses before leaning into a kiss.

You didn’t believe him.

On Wednesday, you decided to actually go out and do something. He had to be back earlier today for an extra long sound check, because at yesterday’s show, his mic was screwed up. So, you got dressed before he was even there, messages from last night planning out your day.

He’d unblocked you on Snapchat, followed you with his private account on Instagram. Luke had sent you dozens of videos and photos from the night prior: A mirror selfie with the caption, ‘I kinda wanna do makeup onstage;’ a video of his outfit, the crowd from backstage, when he was out drinking afterwards. You sent back just as many selfies, feeling elated by the attention and affection (pretty girl, baby, heart eyes, kisses, blushing emojis.)

You were trying to grasp into the moments as best you could because you knew it would be over. Yeah, you’d talk for a month or two, and then he’d get back into the LA nightlife and fall back into step with his groupies for the rest of your. You would take what you could, knowing you could never have his entire heart.

You took Luke to private locations most tourists wouldn’t frequent: Underground coffee and record shops, trying way too many frappes and kissing foam off his lips. He wore a baseball cap, sunglasses, and an all black outfit, trying to just fit in with the rest of the crowds. At one point, someone pointed at Luke, but you watched to see him and his friend seemed to agree that it wasn’t Luke.

Your day ended at 1 pm, on the steps leading up to your apartment building. You were on the step above him, bags hanging off your wrists from the things he’d insisted on buying you. Luke had a hold on your waist, pressing kiss after kiss to your lips.

Though you were giggling, leaning in for more, you felt so out of place.

After he left, you unpacked the few things he bought you and showered. Your skin felt loose, like it was void of a brain and skeleton, yours hanging up in the closet. You scrubbed at it just to feel a little bit of stinging as if it would ground you.

It was an awful feeling, being a stranger to yourself.

But this was so unlike you.

You, adult you, mature you would turn him away and tell him to fuck off. You’d been a side chick without even knowing it until he went back home, and continued to put out for a taken man until he turned you away. And he broke your heart, telling you he couldn’t leave his girlfriend for, ‘some fling he’d had.’

Yeah, ghosting you didn’t mean he didn’t give you his two-cents before doing so.

But you were so, so lonely. And men like him came once every lifetime.

So, on Thursday, you woke up with the intentions of going to his show.

He’d texted you to let you know he couldn’t bring you coffee today because the guys were suspecting him of something. You sent back a frowning selfie in his tshirt, teasing him with skin and lips.

He came over an hour later.

Hands, hips, perfume and cologne infused into bare skin and transferring between oils and kisses.

He’d told them he was meeting a friend, even had someone to cover for him, and got out just to see you naked beneath him.

It felt good being his priority, even if it was only for three percent of his life.

When your chest returned to a normal breathing pattern, you curled into his side again, let his hands cover your back and hair, his lips your own in lazy patterns of some sleepless song. Your lips formed words now, exchanging secret dreams in the morning.

“I don’t know how you handle the fame,” you’d said after a few words exchanged about his career.

Something about guitars splintering his fingers (which you knew, you’d felt them) and being exhausted all the time, unless he was home for more than two days.

Luke huffed, “I don’t know either. I can’t even get a fucking slice of pizza without being followed.”

“I almost,” you hesitated, “I almost feel bad for you.”

His warm breath rolled over your skin and it shifted in rhythm when you said this. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” you wiggled around slightly, “I just wish you could have your career without all the crazy fans.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Luke agreed. “Don’t get me wrong, I love them. Without them, I’d have nothing. But the ones who come to the airport and follow us around and spam our inboxes on Twitter make me want to give up everything just to have a normal life.”

“I know I could never do it,” you laughed.

But the air froze. “What do you mean?”

“I,” you began and moved in his arms to look at him better, “I could never give up my privacy for fame. For anything, honestly. I wanna be able to go on dates or walk down the street without photos being taken. God, how do you even have a private relationship like that?”

Luke sat up, his arms lightly pushing you off of him. You hugged the sheets to your body, taken back by his attitude.

“So you couldn’t be in a relationship with me?”

Your brows furrowed, fingers lightly resting onto his bicep. “What?”

“You couldn’t bear all that, sacrifice all that, for me?” Lukes faze was fierce, sharp.

Luke suddenly stood, shoving on clothes and shoes in a flash. You stood, following him to the door, “Luke! Luke, what’s going on?”

Your mouth hung open, grasping for words that wouldn’t come. “I...I don’t know that you can ask that of me.”

He stopped at the front door, hand grasping the handle so that his knuckles were white. Luke turned to face you, his expression making your shoulders roll forward in vulnerability.

“What are doing this for, then? You just using me for a couple days?”

You scoffed, anger fueling confidence you wished you didn’t have. “Oh, be fucking honest to yourself, Luke. Do you really think this is going past next week? You’ll forget about me again, or you’ll suddenly tell me you’re in a relationship and my time will have been wasted. Thanks for the sex, but maybe it’s my turn to break your heart.”

“Oh, so it is just for these two weeks, then? When did you plan on telling me you didn’t want me like I want you?” Luke spat back.

You laughed sardonically, “Oh, come on! When are you going to lose the facade? Luke, we haven’t spoken in a year, and when we did speak, it was for maybe two months. You barely know a thing about me. You don’t know my mannerisms or where i even want to be in five years. But, hey! Maybe you’ll stop by again, every year, make it a fucking tradition. Come back when you’re in New York or simply when you’re horny, I’ll get you off, and you can ask me how the careers going.”

Luke went quiet. He cleared his throat, but the simple noise cracked from the tears in his eyes. “I have to go to sound check. Can we just stop this for now? Please.”

“I don’t think I can come to the show tonight,” you replied, backing away with a few steps.

Luke nodded, “I figured.”

Despite the tension, the unfinished argument, the inevitable heartbreak, you both reached for the other and embraced a tight ‘for-now’ truce. He kissed you and left.

And he came back the next day, and the next.

TAGLIST: @mantlereid , @boxofteenageideas @dinosaursandsocks , @ashhdaniellee95 @stephaniemelvie @zhangyixingxing1 @verlaneswiftie13 @kingxnichole

#5sos fanfic #5sos fluff #luke hemmings angst #luke hemmings x y/n #luke hemmings x you #luke hemmings x reader #luke hemmings fluff #luke hemmings blurb #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings

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youllneverknowrac · 5 years ago

Text

Oscar Diaz-Moody (pm)

For @alight-inmydarkness

2:56 pm

You decided to make a late lunch, the boys complaining about being hungry since one o’clock. You agreed to cook, deciding that it would help pass the time. You had music playing, Oscar sitting at the table smoking a blunt while Cesar sat on his phone.

“You two could help me out.” You say as you let the oil heat up in the pan, everything you would need set out on the counter,”You always talk about how you were such an amazing cook.” You tell Oscar

“I am, but now I got a girl that will cook my meals for me.” He smirks,”Cesar.” He whistles to get his attention,”Go help her, I’m busy.”

“You’re smoking, that’s not being busy.” The little Diaz reply’s as he gets up with a sigh,”What do you want me to do?”

“Peel the potatoes and mash them up for me.” You order, going over to your boyfriend and standing in front of him,”Come help us.”

“Mami.” He groans, blowing out the smoke from his mouth

“Come on Oscar, you have nothing better to do anyway. It’ll be done faster if you help.”

“Lo sé pero no quiero.”

“Just like always.” You say with a eye roll,”If you don’t help you don’t eat. You can starve to death for all I care.”

“Stop it mamas. I’m getting up, where do you need me?”

“No, I’m not gonna force you to help us. I’ve been bored all day and just want to do things with you, but it’s fine. Go sit back down.”

“I want to help, I mean it. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“You’re just saying that.” You pout, picking up the raw chicken that was already seasoned and dipped in the batter,”You don’t love me.” You add as you place it into the oil.

“I do love you, even when your being a moody brat. So just tell me what to do.” He says as he stands behind you.

“I’ll tell you what to do, come finish this. I’m not going to listen to you guy’s.” Cesar says as he drops what he’s doing and hurry’s out of the kitchen.

“Well there’s you’re job.” You sniffle

“Are you sure you want to cook nena? We can order something in.” He says as he takes over his brothers place.

“No I do want to.” You reassure him,”I just wanted you to help me.”

“I’m helping. I’m here.” He says softly,”Let’s get this shit done so we can grub down.” He says amusingly, trying to get a smile out of you,”Me amas o no?”

“Obviously.” You mumble,”Hate that I love you.”

“Yo también te quiero, mi gordita.” Oscar smiles as he focuses on the potatoes, causing you to smirk and shake your head as you move on the another piece of chicken,”So are you gonna tell me what’s up with you today?”

“Woke up on the wrong side of the bed I guess.” You huff,”Thanks for putting up with me, I still have a bit of annoyingness left in me though.”

“Oh I know you do...but it’s okay. Don’t forget that I’m the only one that’s ever gonna put up with your ass.” He laughs, the two of you working together through out the kitchen until everything is done. Cesar re-emerging from his room so you three could all eat together.

5:03 pm

“Mi niña hermosa.” Oscar says softly as the two of you lay in bed, laying in his arms as he strokes your hair,”Tomorrow will be a better day.”

After lunch you all tried to watch a movie, but you just couldn’t seem to get into it. Wanting to do anything but that...but nothing at all either. Oscar noticed you growing fidgety about half way in and decided to bring you to the bedroom to lay down, trying to console your moodiness away.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He says seriously,”Do you want to get up? Or stay here a little longer?”

“A little longer please.” You answer, burying your face in his chest and inhaling his scent,”Could we go to the pool tomorrow?”

“Anything you want mamas.”

“I want that, I want to go with you.”

“Then we’ll do that.”

“Can we take a little nap?” You ask him a few minutes later, already falling asleep as your eyes close.

“Shh, sleep mami.” He says, placing a kiss to the top of your head. Letting his eyes close as well.

7:11 pm

You’re startled awake by music playing from outside on the front yard, you slowly sit up and stretch. The spot next to you empty as you look around the room. You get up and slide your sandals on before exiting the comfort of your room, a bit upset that you woke up alone.

“You left?” You ask Oscar as you come outside, the yard filled with Santo members. Your boyfriend and his best friend on the raggedy old couch.

“I’m sorry, I woke up like ten minutes after I fell asleep.” Oscar says as he pats his leg for you to sit, which you accepted.

“It’s fine...Didn’t know they were going to be here.”

“What you’re not happy to see me Y/N?” Sad Eyez asks as from the other end of the couch.

“To be honest, no.” You reply smugly

“Ouch.” He laughs, Oscar chuckling in your ear.

“Y/N isn’t feeling good today, or not the two of you would have been gossiping it up by now like a pair of hynas in high school.”

“No doubt.” Sad Eyez laughs, the two of you always clicking up at any get together.

You force a smile and look around at the yard, wishing that nobody was here and that you could be alone with Oscar,”Can we go inside?” You whisper into his ear.

“Why mamas?”

“I just don’t want to be out here, I just want to be with you. Um, if you don’t want to it’s fine.” You tell him as you slide off of him and stand up,”I’ll be inside, you stay out here with your friends. It’s okay.” You tell him with a half smile, excusing yourself before heading back in and trying to find something to occupy your time with.

10:23 pm

“Can I join you?” Oscar asks as he enters the bathroom to find you sitting in the tub with soapy bubbles all around you.

“What about your friends?”

“They all left, now I can spend some time with you.”

“Oh, now.” You say as you gather some suds in your hands and blow them off

“Come on Y/N, I couldn’t exactly tell them to leave after just getting here.”

“Oh.” You repeat

“I’m getting in.” Oscar says with a eye roll as he starts to undress.

“Oh.”

Oscar doesn’t reply, keeping his comments to himself as he steps in behind you,”Scoot up.” He demands, sighing when you don’t move and wedging himself between you and the tub,”So mean to me mami.”

“You’re mean to me, you left me for your homies.” You retort quickly, leaning back against his chest.

“I was just outside...nah you’re right. I’m sorry, I knew you were having a shitty day and I chose to stay with them. I shouldn’t have done that to you mami.”

“I mean I did tell you to stay outside.” You shrug,”but still.”

“Yeah but I know you, and I should have known that you saying that meant to do the opposite.” He chuckles, his arms wrapping around your from underneath the water,”Me perdonas?”

“I guess.” You smile as you feel him press soft kisses to the side of your neck, a small laugh escaping afterwards. Never being able to be upset with him for too long since he was able to sweet talk his way out of things,”I hate you.” You say as your hand reaches up to cradle the back of his head so his lips can still work on your neck.

“No you don’t.” He smirks

“You’re right.” You say, a small moan following after as Oscar nips at you’re sweet spot,”I love you too much.”

“Hm, not as much as me.” He says as his hands wander lower. The two of you making the time fly by faster than it has all day.

11:55 pm

“Are you tired muñeca?” Oscar asks as the two of you once again lay in bed, the room pitch black as you hold each other.

“Hm, how could I not be after all that?” You giggle, the bath time running a bit over schedule. Oscar bringing your body to a wonderful high more than once.

“Had to make up for my actions.” He chuckles,”How did I do?”

“Oh you did more than make up for it.” You smile,”I forgave you after the third time.”

“And you still let me continue after that?”

“I mean you weren’t complaining and I sure wasn’t.”

“Yeah but my hand was cramping up and shit, and I got lock jaw after.” He laughs

“Alright I’ll make it up to you tomorrow.” You offer,”After you give me an amazing day at the pool that is.”

“Deal...aye look at the time mamas. It’s a new day.”

“It is.” You smile as you read the bright red numbers on the alarm clock that read 12:01 am,”Yay.” You croak softly, your voice growing tired.

“Fresh start tomorrow, no worries. Buenos sueños mi amor.” His words being the last thing you heard before you fall asleep. All your emotions from today being slept away for a better tomorrow.

#spooky diaz #spooky x reader #netflix on my block #on my block imagines #netflix #freeridge #omb #one shot #omb season 3 #on my block season 3 #oscar diaz x reader #oscar diaz

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emy-loves-you · 4 years ago

Text

Wrong Numbers And Useless Gays Chapter 8

Snake Boi Needs Hugs

This chapter deals with depersonalization, disassociation, self-harm (scratching), past body mutilation, child neglect, etc. If any of these topics have the potential to trigger you, please skip to the bold section at the end of this chapter. There, I have a masterlist/recap of all issues/disorders that the characters have been revealed to have up to this point. I was at a really low point when I wrote this, but it’s still important to the story, and this is the worst that it's gonna get. Please be safe. If you skip down to the masterlist and something in Janus' section triggers you, don’t read this chapter. You can read the rest of this fic with only the masterlist info instead of the actual chapter.

Chapter 7 | Masterlist | Chapter 9

(November 9th)

V- (6:24 PM) Hey guys, I’m gonna be really busy over the next few days. Probably won’t respond to texts. Nothing’s wrong, I just won’t be on my phone.

P- (6:24 PM) Alright Kiddo. Stay safe, and don’t forget to eat!

V- (6:25 PM) I will. I’ll text you guys when it’s over. See you then

Virgil sighed, locking his front door. He began his long walk to Janus’ house. This was one of those few times where he wished that he owned his own car. He sighed, adjusting his backpack. While normally Virgil would ask Janus or Remus to pick him up, Janus’ birthday was in 2 days. That’s why Virgil was making this journey in the first place. Sometimes, Janus spent his birthday like an excited 8-year-old, ordering a 3 tier cake and enough glitter to cover the entire house. Sometimes Janus was clingy: wanting to cuddle on the couch with Remus, watch shitty romcoms and drink enough booze to fill a river. But sometimes…

Virgil shook his head. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be one of those birthdays. He knocked on the door. There was a muffled curse before the door was swung open. Remus stood there, slightly panting. His hair was all over the place, and he was wearing what looked like his pajamas from the day before. Virgil bit down the urge to say “you look like shit.” Instead, he just nodded his head and stepped into the house. He followed Remus into the old study (Janus never came in here any other time of year) and found Janus hunched over his desk, writing something down. But what drew in Virgil’s attention were the wrist-length yellow gloves on his hands. So it’s one of THOSE birthdays.

Virgil's mind flashed to the day he met Janus, the yellow gloves brushing his hair back. Janus had been given those gloves by his father for his 18th birthday. Other than to bathe, Janus never took them off until months after his parents died. It took a lot of time and effort to convince Janus that he didn’t need those gloves, especially since they were the only present that his father had ever given him. After they started performing as The Dark Sides, Janus had bought himself a pair of yellow elbow-length gloves. He only wore the elbow-length gloves when he was Deceit, and he never wore the wrist-length gloves.

Virgil shook his head, stepping further into the room. Janus has yet to look up. Virgil stepped around the desk, knowing that he wouldn’t acknowledge Virgil even if he spoke up. He read the first line, frowning at what he saw.

“Dear Mother and Father,”

Virgil looked up at Remus, giving him a nod. Remus left the room. It would be beneficial for Remus to go, since he knew the house better than Virgil. While Remus went to lock up anything potentially dangerous, Virgil kept an eye on Janus. He took a seat in the armchair in the corner of the study, positioned specifically for Virgil to have a perfect view of both Janus and the door. They sat there for several hours, the sound Janus’ pen the only sound between them. Virgil’s eyes never left Janus, knowing what would happen if he looked away for too long. Janus abruptly stood up, neatly folding up the 20-something pages of letters and throwing them away. Virgil stood up, following Janus into the dining room. He couldn’t see Remus- he was probably sleeping. There was a pile of sandwiches on the table (turkey with tomato and mayonnaise, crustless. Janus’ favorite) along with 2 plastic cups and bottled water. Virgil pulled back a chair, and Janus numbly sat down, posture perfectly straight. Virgil gave Janus a cup of water and half of a sandwich before sitting down. They ate in silence. Two bites into his third sandwich, Janus stood up. Virgil followed. They walked upstairs, Virgil glancing at the clock on the wall. 12:13 AM. Earlier than usual. Virgil followed Janus into the master bedroom, finding Remus passed out on the edge of the bed. He watched as Janus changed into his pajamas, currently having no sense of decency. He kept his gloves on as he lay in bed, facing the ceiling with eyes wide open. Virgil sat on the couch near the bed, his gaze never wavering. They sat there for several more hours, neither moving an inch. When Virgil’s alarm went off (vibrate only, no loud noises) at 4 AM, Virgil got up to wake Remus. They quickly changed positions, with Remus sitting on the couch and Virgil curling up on the bed. He noticed Janus’ eyes fluttering shut and he drifted off soon after.

He woke up to Remus shaking him at 9:30. He silently got up, giving Remus a quick nod before slipping out of the room. He went to a separate bedroom to change before hurrying down to the kitchen. He made a batch of blueberry muffins (they couldn’t eat anything that required silverware, not after the first time) and went about cleaning up the sandwiches from last night. By 10:30, the muffins had cooled down, and Virgil could hear Janus and Remus making their way downstairs. Virgil quickly put the muffins on the table and checked to make sure he wasn’t covered in any ingredients (when he was like this, Janus would forget that he fired his servants years ago). Virgil quickly sat down, glancing up just as Janus walked in.

He was wearing a crisp business suit, his gloves still in place. Virgil watched as Remus got Janus situated, planting a quick kiss on the side of his face. Virgil let a ghost of a smile flicker onto his face; even when Janus was like this, Remus still absolutely adored him. That smile quickly fled when he realized where Remus had kissed him. A long, horrid scar rested on Janus’ face, stretching from temple to chin. Janus tended to paint that half of his face with scales when playing Deceit, if only to cover it up. Another flashback appeared, this time of Janus two weeks after his parents died. They were eating steak, and they thought Janus was finally opening back up and suddenly there was so much blood and Virgil took the knife away as Janus kept clawing at his face and make it stop make it stop-

A hand on his shoulder pulled him back roughly. Virgil looked up to see Remus peering down at him, a look of not-quite pity on his face. Virgil quickly shook his head, turning back to the muffin on his plate. He didn’t feel hungry anymore.

Today played out much like the day before, with Janus hunched over his desk writing letters. Virgil and Remus each took turns watching him while the other slept or prepared meals. That night, Remus took the first shift while Virgil went to sleep. He woke up at around 2 AM to Janus screaming. He quickly bolted up, taking in the situation. Remus was now sitting on Janus’ lap, keeping his legs down as he pinned his arms to his sides. Janus arched his back, his face red but no open cuts to be seen (that’s at least one good thing about those damned gloves). Remus looked close to tears, and Virgil quickly grabbed one of Janus’ arms, allowing Remus to focus on the other. They sat there for several minutes, praying for Janus to calm down. He eventually passed out, a combination of exhaustion and lack of air from screaming keeping him asleep. Virgil took up his shift early, letting Remus lie down. Neither slept for the rest of the night.

The next day, they had some strawberry muffins and contemplated what would happen today. It was now November 11th, Janus’ birthday, and neither friend had a single clue about what would happen today. They watched as Janus got up and grabbed his coat from the living room. Remus kept watch while Virgil hurried upstairs, grabbing his backpack. He quickly ran back downstairs, giving one last nod to Remus before Janus slipped out of the house. Virgil would go with Janus while Remus cleaned up the house and got some sleep.

Virgil followed Janus as they walked through the gardens, already knowing where they were heading. They walked down this path constantly after the funeral, and by now Virgil had it memorized. While they walked, Virgil quietly opened his bag and brought out a bouquet of fake flowers. He handed Janus the bouquet as they reached the grave. It was an elaborate headstone, with angels etched around the words:

“Here lies David and Mary Williams. October 8th, 1961 to November 11th, 2014. December 4th, 1962 to November 11th, 2014. Lovers, parents, and friends to all that met them.”

Virgil scowled at the headstone as Janus kneeled over the grave. Even after 6 years, these bastards still hurt him. They stayed there for a few hours, no sounds beyond the birds chirping in the distance. Janus eventually got up, dropping the flowers and making his way back to the house. Virgil followed, silently checking Janus for any sign of emotion. His face was perfectly blank, with no signs of crying or distress. They reached the house at around 2 PM and Virgil was slightly surprised when Janus made a beeline for the ballroom. He nudged Remus awake as they passed the living room, pulling him off the couch before following Janus. They could hear the slow sounds of some waltz as Janus turned on the old gramophone in the corner of the room. Janus then stood there, staring at the floor as if it could tell him what to do. Remus quickly walked up and put a hand on Janus’ waist, using his other to clasp Janus’ own hand. Janus looked up, and for the first time in 3 days, he looked like he actually saw Remus, not a stranger.

They slowly danced around the room, and to Virgil they looked more intimate than he’d ever seen them. There was groping, no dirty secrets whispered between each other, just dancing. Dancing with open and honest looks on their faces, speaking in a language that Virgil’s pretty sure he’ll never learn. The way that Remus furrowed his brow every few minutes, the subtle squeezing of Janus’ hands. This was the spark that they shared, and Virgil knew that he would never be able to have this type of moment with them. They were so obviously in love, and he wished that moments like this happened more often, that they were able to be like this without one of them being emotionally compromised or vulnerable.

Eventually, the record stopped, and with it all of Janus’ self-control. He flung himself around Remus’ neck, and Virgil could hear the muffled sob from across the room. Remus gently lowered them to the ground, rubbing his back and whispering something that Virgil couldn’t hear. Remus looked up and made eye contact with Virgil, silent tears streaming down his face. Go, his look said, I’ll take care of him. Virgil nodded, going to make dinner.

The next day, Virgil was happy to see Janus sitting on the couch, curled up against Remus, and watching cheesy rom coms. He glanced down and noticed that the gloves were nowhere to be found. Virgil smiled, going to take a seat on Janus’ other side. He glanced over at Remus as he made some snarky remark. Yes, they were still broken. Yes, they still had moments where they lost all hope. But they also had each other. They were family, and that was all Virgil ever wanted.

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Here is the masterlist of issues and/or disorders that the characters, in order of relevance to the story:

Remus- Remus is a transgender male with the deadname Rebecca. His parents were very controlling and manipulative. They refused to acknowledge that he transitioned, so he ran away at age 16. He hasn’t talked to his family since. In retaliation to how transphobic and homophobic his parents were, Remus developed a very vulgar mindset. He tells everyone that he meets about how he’s trans and very gay for Janus. He never talks about his life before he met Janus and Virgil unless he’s extremely drunk. Remus developed his persona of the Duke to help combat his gender dysphoria and intrusive thoughts. The Duke is much more vulgar but less likely to admit that he’s trans. He currently lives with Janus (and a good distance away from his hometown). He has lived there for almost 7 years, has been a member of The Dark Sides for 5 years, and has been in a relationship with Janus for 4 years.

Roman- Roman is Remus’ twin. When Remus (still being called Rebecca at the time) was trying to discover himself, he began to look and act similarly to Roman. He was punished for this (since their parents were transphobic) and Roman’s low self-esteem combined with Remus’ punishments caused Roman to lash out at Remus the day before he came out to their parents. Roman is unaware that Remus transitioned and blames himself for pushing “Rebecca” away. Roman began to lash out against his parents and started a secret relationship with Logan in order to combat their homophobia (that’s what he told himself. He also had a massive crush on both Logan and Patton). When Patton found out, they briefly argued before getting together in a polyamorous relationship. They coincidentally moved to the same town that Remus did soon after graduating high school. Roman still suffers from extreme guilt at the loss of Rebecca and is occasionally harassed by his parents over the phone. Roman has been in the poly relationship for almost 8 years and has lived in his current house for 6 years.

Janus- Was emotionally neglected at a young age by his rich parents. They were always screaming at each other and him behind closed doors. He was taught to never show that his life was less than perfect, so by 19 he was a compulsive liar. He met Virgil during one of his depressive (and slightly suicidal) episodes and decided to take him in. He met and took in Remus 4 months after meeting Virgil. His parents were neglectful to the point where they didn’t realize that they were housing two other teenagers. On Janus’ 20th birthday, both of his parents died in a car crash. He immediately fired all of his staff and went into an extreme depression. Two weeks after his death, he self-harmed and mutilated his face with a steak knife, leaving him with a horrible scar. He has gotten a lot better over the years, though he tends to depersonalize and potentially self-harm on the days leading up to his birthday. He uses the persona of Deceit to separate his compulsive lying from his actual personality. You can never tell when Deceit is lying (and half the time, neither can he). Janus is less of a compulsive liar now, but he’s still extremely sarcastic and will slip into his Deceit persona when he feels vulnerable. Same timestamps as Remus, though he’s lived in this town his entire life.

Virgil- Virgil has never known his birth parents, his mother dying when he was 3 months old and his dad nowhere to be seen. He never had a stable home, having bounced around the foster system until he was kicked out at 18. He met Janus soon after, who took him in. Virgil has always had a knack for music and art, but he was never able to fully develop his talents until Remus suggested they form a band. He cooked for Janus and Remus before he moved out, since neither of them had needed to cook for themselves before they met each other. Virgil never felt he earned anything for himself until he started earning money from The Dark Sides. Because of this (and the fact that he has an insane amount of money now), Virgil likes to spoil his crushes with big, elaborate gifts (he can’t spoil Janus or Remus because Janus is richer than Virgil will ever be and Remus is already spoiled by Janus). When Janus and Remus got together they offered for Virgil to join their relationship. He declined, quickly noticing that their relationship with each other is deeper and more intimate than anything that he could ever have with them. Virgil uses the persona of Anxiety to combat his, you guessed it, anxiety. Anxiety is suave and confident, though Virgil only slips into his persona when either flirting or at a Dark Sides-related event. Virgil has the same timestamps as Janus, though he never joined Janus’ relationship with Remus.

Patton- Patton has always had mild depression. He gets depressive episodes at least once a month. He’s never been suicidal, but he becomes very self-deprecating during more intense episodes. He usually turns to one of the others for a distraction. Patton grew up next door to Logan, and they got together when they were 12. They kept their relationship a secret until Patton found Logan making out with Roman 5 years later. It hurt him a lot and he still fears that they’ll leave one day for someone else. Patton has been in a relationship with Logan for nearly 13 years, Roman joined them 8 years ago, and they’ve lived in the same house for 6 years.

Logan- Logan doesn’t have any issues or disorders to note, other than he’s really tired. He’s helped Patton through his depression for as long as he can remember, and he helps Roman through his issues of guilt and anger (Patton’s self-deprecating thoughts tend to increase when Roman is upset). Logan is calm and collected. He’s the only one in this series who’s been to college, and will soon earn his master's degree in astronomy. They actually decided to move to this town due to its college’s astronomy program. Logan is the one who deals with budgeting and scheduling, hence why he’s annoyed with Virgil spending so much money on them. All of his timestamps are the same as Patton’s.

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Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst

#sanders sides fic #useless gays #virgil sanders #Janus Sanders #remus sanders #read the message in bold #heavy angst

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raysofcrosby · 5 years ago

Text

LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 5

"𝘞𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨." ━ 𝐉𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐧, 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: nada.

word count: 5,562 [ wow i write too much lmao ]

authors note: ok i’m so so sorry this took so long to get out, but it’s finally here! this series was such a bad idea bc writing it is lowkey making me fall in love with tyler lmao. i’m so sorry (again) that this is so late [i think like 2 weeks? a week? idk but still] and i swear i’ll update regularly now lol. i hit some writers block writing this, so i hope it doesn’t suck too much. i hope you all enjoy and as always, i love hearing from you guys– your theories of how the series as a whole will end, your likes/dislikes, anything! tysm for taking the time out of your day to read, ily and i hope your thanksgiving table is full of your favorite foods and surrounded by your favorite people!!

You weren't sure what exactly woke you up first– the slight throbbing of your head or whatever the hell was touching your face. It couldn't have been 10 AM yet, Kennedy knew the rule you guys had when it came to the morning after a big party, so there was no way she was trying to wake you up now. You groaned and rolled over, tugging your blanket with you and forcing yourself to fall back asleep. Suddenly, a huff of air followed by something wet, pressed against your ear. "Kennedy cut it off" you mumbled, waving your hand in that general direction...only to touch something soft and furry. You opened an eye and looked over to see Cash sitting next to you wiggling his but against the blanket as if he was waiting for you to greet him. "Hi boy," you yawned, rolling over onto your back and patting your stomach. He immediately put two paws onto your chest and started to lick your face. "Okay, hi, I can't breathe,"

You laid there, trying your best to focus on your surroundings as you rubbed the top of Cash's head, which was now rested on your chest. In the first few moments, you were wondering why the hell one of Tyler's dogs was in your dorm room. When your eyes took in the fancy, less dorm-esque furniture around you, you realized that you were at Tyler's. Okay, so maybe Tyler was being a good friend and teammate and Big Rig called him for a ride. Everyone must have been so obnoxiously drunk that Tyler decided that instead of walking the three of you to the dorm, he'd just have you crash at his place.

That thought seemed extremely logical until you remembered that sometime before everything started to blur, Big Rig and Kennedy had left the party. Okay, so maybe it was just you that stayed here, which made perfect sense. The boys were set to leave this morning to fly to Winnipeg for the beginning of their road series and you always took care of the dogs, so maybe Tyler just brought you here early. Tapping Cash on the nose, he stood up and jumped off of the bed you were lying in. You took a deep breath and yawned before throwing off your blankets and sitting up. He greeted you on the other side of the bed before walking into the bathroom.

Wait...Tyler's guest room didn't have an attached bathroom.

Slowly, you looked around the room again to notice that there were little things left out, throughout the room. Receipts, clothes hamper, suits still in their dry cleaning plastic. Holy shit. "Oh no," You stood up quickly, almost making yourself dizzy as it settled into your brain– you were in Tyler's room. "No, no, no no, I didn't," you rushed into the bathroom after Cash and came to a stop in front of the mirror. You were wearing a Dallas Stars dri-fit that sported Tyler's 91 on both sleeves and when you turned slightly, you could even see his last name labeled across the back. "Please tell me that I didn't."

You closed your eyes and grabbed onto the bottom of the shirt, lifting it slightly before peeking through one of your eyes to see that you still had on your black spandex from the night before. "Oh thank God," you sighed, leaning forward and resting your hands onto the marble bathroom counter. You looked back up at your reflection to see that your face was...surprisingly clean. You must have remembered to take your make-up off the night before. You could hear beeping coming in from the bedroom and you walked back to the bed to see your phone screen lit up with messages.

Picking up your phone, you unlock it and click on Kennedy's message to see a mix of some from the last night and just now.

"HE DID WHAT?! OH, WE'RE SO SPIKING HIS CHIPOTLE BOWL THE NXT TIME WE SEE HIM."

"OH SHIT GET IT GURLLLLL"

"okay damn. 12 pm and you haven't texted me back or open any of my snaps. did the dick appointment with tyler kill you?"

"dick too bomb?"

"okay but seriously are you alive rn or should i send 911?"

Your eyes widened with every message you read. It wasn't possible, you were still dressed...granted, in Tyler's shirt and your bandeau was gone...oh no. You scrolled up to the last message you had sent her to see that it was a picture of Tyler's back as he was walking towards his closet, taken from an angle that would only be possible if you were sitting on the edge of his bed. It wouldn't be that bad if you hadn't sent a text along with it that said– "dick me down daddyyyyyy 🥰🤪🤤

You felt a chill travel down your spine as your sent Kennedy and thumbs up and a 'we'll talk later' message before locking your phone again. Okay, so maybe it was possible, that you and Tyler did have sex last night. But, and you felt extremely bad for thinking this, but...wouldn't you at least remember it? You almost considered asking him that very same question but decided that maybe a more, subtle and less offensive approach would be best. You sighed, rubbing your eyes as you walked out of the bedroom, already planning the awkward conversation you'd have with Tyler. But at least you wouldn't have to have it until he came back from his road trip.

As you walked down the stairs, the closest you got to the bottom of the steps you could hear some music coming from the kitchen. You slowed down, wary of who else could be in the house as you quietly walked through the living room and peeked around the wall to see Tyler. You ducked back behind the wall, shaking your head to yourself before checking your phone again. It was almost 12:30 and instead of being on a plane...Tyler was dancing in front of a stove, shirtless.

You peeked back around the corner as the song señorita played from the small Bluetooth speaker on the counter. He was completely oblivious to your presence, which only allowed you to admire his bareback. Pale as he may be, you couldn't help but almost drool at the definition in his back muscles as he worked whatever he was cooking on the stove. Your eyes traveled down to the band of his sweatpants and you titled your head to the side. He was right, he had some serious buns of steel.

"Okay no, get a grip Y/N. Stop being a creep," you mumble to yourself, taking a deep breath before stepping out from around the corner. You walked over to a stool at the counter and sat on it, resting your elbows on to the counter as Tyler was still oblivious to your presence. "Nice moves Seguin."

He whipped around so fast that he almost slipped on the kitchen floor. His eyes widened until he saw it was you and then he relaxed, though he was still holding up his spatula as if he was going to use it as a weapon. "Holy shit," he exhaled, pointing the spatula at you. "Warn a guy next time, eh? You're just in time by the way."

He grabbed a plate from his left and turned back around. "For what? You to hit me to death with," you gasped, bringing a hand over your heart, "a kitchen utensil?"

"Ha Ha," he said sarcastically as he turned back around and placed the plate down in front of you. "Your toast might be a bit cold considering you slept like a dead person, but the omelette is warm, so bon apétite."

You picked up the fork he placed down next to the plate and looked at the food as he went back to the stove. Not only could you get used to the view, but you could also get used to Tyler cooking meals for you. He turned off the stove and turned back, placing his plate on the counter and staying across from you. "Sorry, I don't know what you eat, so I just made what your brother normally eats. I'm assuming you have similar tastes."

"That we do," you smiled, picking up a piece of toast and nodding at him. "Thanks, this is great."

"Cool, enjoy," he just nodded and went back to focusing on his breakfast.

An awkward silence settled between the two of you, the only sounds being your forks clanking against your plates or the dogs' paws moving across the floor. He didn't bother to look back up at you since you thanked him for the breakfast and you couldn't help but wonder why he's not the least bit bothered that you woke up in his bed. You grew up with two manly, hocking playing brothers, so based on experience, you knew that the odds of him hiding his panic was probably slim. Unless that was the reason why he wasn't even bothered to start a conversation with you? What if you did have sex with him last night and him making breakfast for you was his way as trying to brush it off? Cause that's a thing, right? Hookups get breakfast the next morning? God, you felt so out of tune with hook-up culture these days since you'd been chained down in a shitty, toxic relationship for the last few years.

You cleared your throat, pushing around a cut off part of your omelette. "So um..."

He looked up at you, holding his fork in front of his mouth. "Yeah?" He brought the fork into his mouth, chewing the bite of his omelette he had cut off.

"Didwehavesexlastnight?"

His eyes went wide as he coughed, nearly choking on his food. He hit his chest a few times before turning away from you and taking a long sip of water and looking back at you, still panicked. "I'm sorry, what?"

You took a deep breath, letting the fork rest on your plate. "Did we have sex...last night?"

He downed some more water, shaking his head. "No, we didn't." Before you could get your follow up question to leave your lips, he cut you off. "I slept in the theatre."

"Oh," was all you could say as you looked down at your plate, turning as red as one of the tomatoes in a bowl on his counter. "Well uh, this is awkward."

And disappointing, but you knew you probably shouldn't say that.

He slid your glass of water closer to you, nodding down at it. "Do you even remember anything from last night?"

"I remember the party and doucheface Cole cheating on me," you crossed your arms on the counter and shrugged your shoulders. "But the last thing I remember is getting into your car and everything after is a blur."

"I kind of figured it would be, you were off in la-la land the entire car ride, and then when we got here," he pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows. "The drinks hit you like a truck."

You groaned and rested your head onto the counter, enjoying the cool marble against your forehead. "I don't even want to know what I did."

"Well, you tripped in the garage, broke your jack daniels' pants and then told me that my dogs love you more than me, which is probably true," he laughed, taking your plate away from you and walking to the sink. "And then you tried to do God knows what and run into my living room and when I threatened to carry you upstairs, you ogled my body and said 'yes please'"

You shot your head up and grabbed the paper towels off of the rack near you, raising them. "No I didn't....ogle your body."

He shrugged his shoulders, "alright, whatever you say, drunky. Anyway, we went upstairs, I grabbed you some clothes...well, a shirt and then you uh," You could see a red tint start to form on his cheeks.

"Okay, okay you can stop," you waved your hands in front of him, shaking your head. "I don't need to know any more. But I will ask one question, why aren't you on a plane to Winnipeg?"

"Game got rescheduled. The weather up there is pretty shitty, so we don't leave for Calgary until Tuesday." He put the dishes into the dishwasher before coming back onto the counter and resting his elbows down. "So, are you going to tell me what happened last night?"

"What do you mean? You just told me?"

"No, I told you what happened last night when I got to you. I have no idea what happened before you called me."

You took a deep breath and shrugged your shoulders, clasping your hands together and smiling at him. "I mean, what else is there to say besides the fact that my boyfriend...ex-boyfriend, of two years has been cheating on me for three months?"

Tyler went to reply, but you cut him off. "Not to mention, that dress I wore to your Halloween party? The one Cole spilled a drink on and then blew up on me for ruining it? Yeah, it turns out that it was her dress," You scoffed, feeling the urge to cry become stronger. "No wonder he was so worried about it. But don't worry, she said her dad's dry-cleaner was able to get the stain out."

"Y/N..."

"You know what the worst part about all of that is?" You looked at him, eyes brimmed with tears. "She's so nice that I can't even hate her. Cole's a manipulator and I think I feel more upset at the fact that she was fooled, rather than him cheating on me. Does that mean something's wrong with me? The fact that I can't bring myself to dislike the 'other woman'? I mean, aren't I supposed to hate her?"

Tyler just stared at you, his mouth opened slightly as he looked away. You couldn't help but laugh because he just looked absolutely clueless about what he was supposed to do. "No, don't worry about it," you sniffled and wiped your cheeks of the slight evidence of tears and smiled at him. "You may have two sisters, but just like Jamie and Jordie, you're a tad bit clueless on what to say in this situation."

"I mean, yeah I don't know what to say because I'm not sad that you dumped him. Am I pissed that he cheated on you? Hell yeah, because I've told you once and I'll tell you again...you deserve so much better than that." He stood up and walked out of the kitchen, coming to a stop at the stool beside you. "I'm just sorry that he hurt you like that and I hope that I never see his bench-warming ass again or–"

"You'll put him in an ER bed, yeah yeah I've heard it before." You sighed, looking up from the counter and at Tyler, giving him an appreciative smile. "Just don't let him touch your pretty face."

"You think my face is–"

"I mean that is how you get all of your endorsements."

He rolled his eyes and shoved you as he walked into the living room. "I'll have you know, I get my endorsements from my killer body, more than my face."

I believe that, you thought, only to clear your throat and step out of the stool.

"So what are your plans for the day? I can give you a ride back to campus now if you'd like."

You sighed, leaning against the back of the couch belonging to the cushion Tyler was sitting on. "Well, I was planning on slaving away in the library all day, just to go over notes and stuff, but now...." You chewed the inside of your cheek slightly, avoiding Tyler's gaze. "Now I just kind of want to lower the risk of ever running into them on campus, but I also know that I can't just hide away in my dorm room forever."

Moments of silence passed between the two of you before Tyler stood up and walked out of the living room. When he came back, he had a shirt tossed over a shoulder, he changed into gym shorts and was smiling. "Grab the dogs for me?"

"What?" He walked out of the room again as he put on his shirt. "Why?"

"Because...just because."

You walked towards the front door where the dogs' leashes were kept. "Can you at least clue me in?"

He came around the corner from the kitchen with all three dogs following behind him and a big smile on his face. "We're going for a run."

"A RUN?!" The question came out a lot louder than you intended it to, followed by a confused look. "I can't go for a run."

"Exercising helps a hangover, Y/N. Trust me, you'll be fine."

"No, it's not that. It's just I..." you crossed your arms and sighed. "I don't have a sports bra and I doubt my bandeau would do any good if I could even find it."

Tyler instinctively looked at the shirt before clearing his throat and looking away. "Oh yeah, about that," he disappeared down the hall again, coming back with your bandeau in hand. "You kind of threw it on the floor last night before uh–" he coughed, nodding his head. "Never mind. But, I washed it with a laundry load this morning, so it's clean." He handed it to you and once again, you felt embarrassed. "So, no run, maybe just a walk instead?"

You nodded, holding onto the bandeau tightly. "Yeah, a walk sounds great. Just let me put this on and we can go."

He nodded and grabbed all three leashes from you before turning towards the dogs. You walked into the bathroom downstairs and shut the door behind you. Looking down at your former missing bandeau and remembering about what Tyler said, you couldn't help but think.

Why the hell did you throw your bandeau onto the ground and what was he going to say before changing the subject?

❒❒❒❒

Tyler was right, exercising did help you feel better. Sure, it wasn't the exercise he originally planned– but both the nice, strangely cool air, and being with Tyler and the dogs...helped a lot. You walked around the neighborhood a few times, even stopping at the small dog park and letting the dogs run around for a while. It was here while taking a quick break, Tyler suggested that you could hang out with him and the dogs for a little while longer, just to make sure that yours odds of running into either Cole or Paisley were extremely slim. You definitely weren't opposed to the idea and had to make sure that you gave a convincing performance of you contemplating whether or not it was a good idea. Though in reality, you wanted to say yes the moment the idea was spoken into existence.

When you guys got back to his house, the cool air had disappeared and Tyler suggested that you guys go hang out by the pool. You reluctantly, and after plenty of reassurance that it was washed, wore a bathing suit from Tyler's 'Lost and Found' and swam with the dogs while Tyler made you guys his 'special drink.' It took all of the power in you to refrain from laughing when he brought out a pack of white claws– though you did call him a basic white girl, to which he didn't even bother to argue. Any sense of awkwardness that once existed from earlier in the day, was completely gone by the time Tyler cannonballed into the pool. Whenever you guys were in the water, you were either playing keep-away with the dogs' toys or busy splashing or dunking the other under the water. You were the first one to initiate getting out of the pool and moving over to his jacuzzi, but it only took a few seconds for Tyler to follow you over– after he put the dogs away in the wet room so they weren't running wild before they could be hosed down.

The two of you sat in there and talked for what felt like hours, about anything and everything. He seemed really interested in your schoolwork, asking you about the courses you'd taken the last four years, what got you into the career choice. The conversation went from school to Toronto, your shared dream travel destinations, your childhoods, and as cheesy as it sounds, your fears and dreams. It was all so...personal, like two friends just passing the time, and you loved it. You weren't sure how long the two of you had been out there talking, but when you did notice that time had passed, the sun was starting to set and you were starving. Tyler ordered pizza for dinner and helped you hose off the dogs. He struggled to get Cash to cooperate until you distracted him by scratching his ears. At that point, Tyler probably sprayed you more with the hose than Cash, but you got your revenge when it came time to hose down Gerry. The young dog wanted to do anything BUT get hosed down, which resulted in Tyler having to chase him down, carry him out of the pool and hold him still, which is how you got your revenge.

After the dogs were hosed off, Tyler put them away into their designated room until they dried off. He offered for you to take the first shower, and before you could protest, saying that you had no clothes, Tyler replied 'I've got it covered.' You finished up your shower to see that he had laid out some sweatpants and another Stars 'Seguin' t-shirt out on his bed with a note that said 'don't worry, the sweats aren't from the L&F– they're Cassidy's.'

Any worry you had about you taking too long to shower was swept away during the time that you waited downstairs for Tyler to get done. In the time that he was upstairs, the pizza was delivered, the dogs were dried and fed, and you had gone through his DVR list and found a pleasant surprise– he had at least five Hallmark Christmas movies recorded. When he came downstairs, he was a little scared of the knowing smile on your face and when you asked why he had Hallmark Christmas movies recorded, he blushed and rubbed the back of his neck saying that he was thinking about giving them a try...since you gave them such a glowing recommendation. You guys hung out on the couch, sharing a blanket and just eating your pizza and watching Hallmark Christmas movies, most of which you've already seen.

After you finished the second movie, it was almost 9:30 and you definitely needed to get back home to your dorm. You told Tyler you could just order an uber back, not wanting to bother him anymore– but he insisted that he take you back to the dorm– and that offer sent the butterflies throughout your body. You never wanted the car ride to end, but with Tyler living as close as he did, you knew that eventually, it had to. This entire day was just, perfect. It was everything that you needed for what felt like a long time, and you couldn't help but be amazed that it happened with Tyler.

"I already told you, you really don't have to walk me to my dorm," you sighed, crossing your arms as you held onto your lanyard.

Tyler tugged on his hood, making sure it wouldn't fall off. "And I'm telling you, again, to suck it up because I'm doing it."

You laughed and rolled your eyes as you walked down the hallway and to your door. "You need to work on your arguments, they suck."

He just gave you a sarcastic smile as you opened the door and walked inside. "SHUT THE DOOR!"

Your eyes went wide as you saw Big Rig almost fall off of the bed while trying to grab the blanket. "OH MY GOD."

"Sorry, dude!" Tyler said, grabbing your elbow and pulling you back into the hallway, closing the door behind you. "So...that just happened."

"Oh my God," you said, bringing your hands to your temples. "Were they just?"

"Going at it? In the middle of coitus? Participating in sexual relations? Having sexua–"

You covered his mouth, giving him a glare. "You can stop now, I know what they were doing."

His laughter vibrated your hand and you pulled it away as he nodded at the door. "I guess we should give them some time to clean up?"

You knocked on the door, standing close to it. "Text me when the two of you are decent, please." Turning back to Tyler you smiled, "Walk you to your car?"

"I'd be honored."

As you made the walk out of the building and to the parking lot, you took notice of how the silence between you was comfortable and nothing like the awkward silence from this morning. Tyler had his hands buried in his sweatshirt pockets, whistling to señorita and walking at your pace.

"This seems a little opposite of how it was supposed to go, doesn't it?" He laughed, looking at you.

"Well, consider me your bodyguard so you don't get ambushed by fans, yeah?"

He took the time to check you out, his stare making your stomach feel all warm inside. "Nah, you're too scrawny to protect me," he reached out and grabbed your bicep. "Your arms have no muscle."

"Uh, rude!" You scoffed, slapping his hand away as he laughed. "I'm sorry not all of us can freely eat a million carbs and still look like you."

"I'll take that as you appreciate my good physique." He laughed, letting the silence settle back in as you reached his car.

You could hear his keys rattling in his sweatshirt pocket as the two of you stood by the drivers' door. You brought your hands into the long sleeve shirt before crossing your arms and rocking back on your heels. "Thanks for last night, you really didn't have to do that."

"Will you stop apologizing, Y/N?" He said, shaking his head. "I'd help you no matter what the situation."

"Cause I'm Jamie's sister?"

The question came out before you could even speak and the tone hid a bit of harshness in it. You didn't know what you meant by the question. Whether you wanted it to be a neutral one or one where for a split second, you despised the fact that he was your brother's best friend, and that that small fact could be in the way of any potential relationship between the two of you.

Tyler shook his head. "No. Because you're important to me."

The fact that his answer, at least to you, seemed to be leaning in the exact direction that you wanted it to, made you happy. You sighed, leaning against his car. "Thank you for today, too, Tyler. I needed that, like...really needed it."

"I had a lot of fun and the dogs love you," he smiled kicking his shoe out towards you and nudging against your leg. "You'll have to go for walks with us more often, I swear they behave better when you're around."

"I can do that. So you really had fun today? Even with the Christmas movies?"

His smile overtook his face as he looked down, rolling his head back before looking at you again. "I guess they're not that bad."

"Oh come on, you loved ‘Christmas Under Wraps!’"

"I still stand by what I said. It was very obvious from the beginning that Garland was the North Pole and that his dad was Santa!"

You laughed and rolled your eyes as your phone vibrated in your pocket. You took it out to see a text from Kennedy saying that she and Big Rig were dressed. You sighed, putting the phone away and looking back at Tyler. "Kennedy says they're decent now, thank God. I don't think I'll ever be able to get that image of his bare ass out of my head."

Tyler just laughed before standing up. "I'll walk you back to your dorm and–"

You reached out and touched his chest, stopping him from walking any further. "Nope, you've got to get home to our puppers and give them the attention that they apparently so desperately need."

He looked at you with a look that you've only seen whenever he was flirting with someone in a bar– it was his flirty look, followed by his famous smirk. "Our puppers?"

"I take care of them when you're gone, so yes. Our puppers, now go!" You pushed him back slightly as he unlocked his car and opened the door. You turned around and walked up onto the curb, starting to walk back to your dorm.

"Y/N, wait!"

You stopped and turned around to see that he was jogging the short distance to you. He looked nervous and you just reached out with your foot and nudged his leg. "Feel free to speak before the sun rises, Seguin."

He took a deep breath as he chewed on the inside of his cheek as if he was going back and forth with himself in his thoughts. Instinctively, you reached out and touched his arm, scared that something might be wrong. "Tyler, what's wrong?"

He looked down at your hand and when you started to let it fall, he held onto it, intertwining his fingers with yours. "I mean it," he said, letting out a hard breath. "when I said that you're important to me...I meant it."

His face gave off the impression that there was more that he needed to say, but wasn't sure on how to say it– but you couldn't hear anything even if he was able to say it. Your heart was beating against your chest so hard that you're sure Tyler could hear it. When he said it the first time, you weren't all that sure of what he meant– you only hoped that it meant what you thought it could. But this time, the way he said it...you knew, and that was enough to send your nerves into a spiral. Before your mind could even begin to come up with a response, Tyler leaned in and pressed his lips softly against yours.

In what felt like minutes, but was really only a few milliseconds– you took in the way of how soft his lips felt. Forcing yourself to memorize how his beard scratched your own skin and the smell of his cologne. In case this was all a fluke and it never happened again, you needed to be able to save those tiny details in the back of your mind. When his hands came up to cup your face, that's when it settled in– this was real.

Tyler was kissing you, this wasn't a dream.

You grabbed onto his sweatshirt, closing the distance between your bodies and trying to pull him closer than was physically possible. You've wanted this for what felt like, and could possibly be, years. And now it was happening and you never wanted it to end. The moment you made the move to take the kiss from PG to at least some good PG-13 action, Tyler pulled away.

You didn't want to open your eyes, scared that if you did, Tyler would probably be looking at you with some sort of regrettable expression– and seeing that would probably break you. Because even though he made the first move, you were unsure of whether or not it was something he wanted to do. You opened your eyes anyway to see Tyler standing there with wide eyes, but a small smile– as if he was surprised himself that he had kissed you. He reached down and held onto your hand again, squeezing it. "I had a lot of fun."

Just as soon as he had squeezed your hand, he let it go, turned back and jogged to his car. He wasted no time getting inside and turning it on and before you could even wave goodbye, he was already making his way out of the parking lot.

You stood there for a few seconds, watching him disappear from view and still in shock from what just happened. He had actually made a move. Weeks of back and forth and he had finally done what Kennedy and Big Rig said he probably wanted to do. It wasn't an extravagant kiss in any way. It was a simple, yet perfect kiss that set your body on fire.

You laughed to yourself, running your tongue along your teeth before shaking your head and walking back to your dorm. There were a lot of things that you knew about Tyler. Some you'd learned years ago, some you learned through the press, and some that you had just learned today. Of all of the things that you knew, your favorite had to have been the one you found out just moments ago.

That with a kiss so frustratingly innocent and perfect, one that still left a lingering feeling of his lips against your own– he managed to set fire to your entire body...and left you wanting so much more.

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