#i shouldn't be making this post at 2am but i couldn't stop thinking about it

[error-dark]

So... TADC episode four. I'm a bit late on it, and I don't really talk about it, but I'm gonna.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

First off, holy shit that's creepy AF!!

Now that's outta the way, I'd like to point out something that I haven't seen being talked about yet. But I do know that it's been foreshadowing since episode 2 (the most obvious start of foreshadowing to my knowledge.... Now I think of it, maybe it's been foreshadowing since the beginning of it all??)

Uh, what I'm talking about is Ragatha. From what I heard, we're gonna get the "evil" version of her from Pomni's dream in the next episode? If that's still true, then we all better strap in.

From today's episode, even though Ragatha was high/drunk on the stupid sauce, I caught on her saying stuff that she'd normally wouldn't say, especially about Gangle. Basically, she told Gangle that she liked her better with (or without? I can't remember exactly so correct me in the comments) her crying mask. I don't remember her exactly words, though, all I remember is that Ragatha said something about Gangle and her mask, and it upsetted Gangle.

Now, when Pomni attempted to try to comfort Gangle, even suggesting to go talk to Ragatha, did you heard what Gangle said? She told Pomni that after a certain while, it becomes difficult to tell whether or not she's being genuine. (Most likely not her exact words, but you get the point).

Are we gonna see Ragatha's breaking point in the future episode? Are we gonna see her more than what we already saw? More importantly, how is this gonna affect everyone?

Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see. Until then, we can always make theories.

[daemyiel]

A/N: it has been yonks since I've been on this account, as in actual years. Anyway here is a fic no one asked asked for, and i guess request are back open

Current obsession wolverine especially agnst💛

Logan howlett angst, set after x-men 3

1 swear word. 1,846 words

I wrote half of this and then got writers block. Saw this at like 2am and it made me finish it @stxrddst cheers for the inspo

Self proof read so be prepared

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Logan smirked as he heard the familiar CLANG echo around his head. The cocky little shit that thought he could take The Wolverine, smile drop off his face in an instant. He screamed as he lifted his hand up and saw his right index knuckle pushed further up his hand. Logan stood from his barstool and turned grinning down like a wolf to a sheep. "You know, a hit to the back of the head is quite a cheap shot, bub." He slurred slightly but still working a slight threating edge. The slimly little man trembled as he looked into the taller man's cold blank eyes and scarpered.

Logan rolled his eyes, sat back down and ordered another whiskey. "You always find 'em" chuckled the bartender, pouring whiskey over ice. "And you never make a mess, that's why I keep serving ya." Logan hummed in response and the bartender, Benny, left to serve leaving the mutant alone.

He's been feeling very alone lately. He usually didn't mind solitary, prefered it actually. But recently he's been lonely. Even in a room full of people. This was a new feeling for him, it scared and confused him. So he, in he's own sense, 'took control' by choosing how much he drunk tonight, which was more than usual.

The mansion felt so empty to him. Echoes of ghost was at every turn for logan. He thought he had learned his lesson about attachments and loosing people, but he had never felt so accepted and at home than he did at the school, despite how distant he acted.

He was still mourning Jean, the love of his life, promised already to another man, when Scott had died. With everything going on at the time and the return of Jean, Logan felt guilty that it seemed as if there was no time to properly grieve Scott. Contrast to popular belief, Logan liked and respected Scott. Their back and forth digs at each other was Logans sign of affection. He knew Scott could take it and he expected it back.

Then the professor was next. Logan watched Jean tear him apart atom by atom and no matter how hard Logan tried to reach him, to save him it wasn't enough. He knew he shouldn't have stayed outside, he knew he should have trusted Charles more about Jean's power. He just couldn't believe that she could do anything of the sort. Turning on Scott, on Charles. The two people she trusted the most. It made his head spin just thinking about it.

And then he was the one who had to stop her in the end. Of course it had to be him, it was just his luck. The universe or God or whatever higher power thought that Logan Howlett had not suffered enough, and it would be comical if he was the only being that could end the life of the only woman he had loved.

He could still remenber every moment. His particals getting ripped away from his body. His regeneration powers replacing them to be peeled away again. And the feel of Jean's skin, bone and flesh scrapping against his claws as he watched the life drain from her eyes. Falling limp against him. Her warm blood running down the adamantium and onto his knuckles.

He took another mouthful of whiskey letting it burn his throat in a comforting way.

And now Rouge had left. Getting the cure she desparetly wanted. She didn't want to take up space and a room that a young mutant could need, much more than herself. Logan took her leaving hard and yet he didn't even know why. She wasn't dead, they could still talk to each other. He knew where she was and she expected him to come visit, but still he grieved for her like a sibling moving away. Still there, but not like before.

He felt so stupid for feeling all this. For feeling anything at all. A weight had settled in his sternum that he couldn't shake.

He finished his whiskey.

The bar fell silent. Eerily silent like an old cowboy film. Logan could feel eyes on him. He sighed and rolled his shoulders out. That little prick must have come back. "Listen asshole-" He started as he turned as stood. He was shocked to see Storm with a face of thunder. "How'd ya find me?" He slurred, struggling to focus on her. The problem with drinking sat down is that it hits when you stand.

"Marie mentioned this was a pitstop some years ago. I thought you might have gone to see her. That would have been a better idea." she sighed, tone mixed with sympathy and dissapointment. "It's a good thing she remembered, we couldn't find you anywhere."

"She's a smart girl." He smiled affectionatly. He really should go visit her soon he thought.

The trip back was a long silent one, with Logan not being one for small talk or music in the car. For once Storm preferred it. They both had so much chaos in their heads that never silenced, the quiet in the car was almost a comfort.

When they entered the mansion Logan pushed past Storm and stomped his way up the staircase, swaying slightly. Storm sighed and shaked her head at him. She's worried about him. He's barely been out of his room, more withdrawn than usual, even for him. He usually forgets to eat, but lately he's only been spotted in the kitchen past midnight looking for beer. She's trying her best for him but she's also dealing with a lot of grief and at the end of the day he's a grown man, there's only so much she can get him to do.

Storm has been laid awake in bed for hours now, tossing and turning with no sleep coming to her. The mansion was dead silent and the moon was shining bright through her curtains. She had nothing to do but let her thoughts carry her away. They wasn't happy thoughts, like logan, everything single misfortune that had happend lately raced through her mind. She picked apart all scenarios where she could changed something and saved the people she loved. It was all becoming so overwhelming and soon tears started streaking down her face. She had never felt so alone before.

Storm knew he'd still be up. Even though it was close to 3am the wolverine has an infamous sleep schedule. Holding back a small sob herself and in desperate need of comfort, she quietly swung Logan's door open. She gasped at the scene before her.

His bed had was messy, this wasn't uncommon, Logan tossed and turned in his sleep, the odd time waking up almost sideways, starfish in his bed. But tonight Storm could see deep trios of claw marks in the quilt, pillows and mattress. It was a massacre of white bedding and feathers.

She followed a trail of claw marks in the wall and the floorboards like breadcrumbs, to Logan in the corner with the pale blue moonlight shining on him. He had tucked himself into the very back of the corner, his knees pulled up to his chest, his right arm draped over his kneecaps, hand resting on the opposite sholder. His head cradled by the inside of his elbow, Storm couldn't see his face at all just his hair, the kitten ears following the shape of his forearm. His left arm was hugging his shins and the painfully obvious depiction was his claws, shining in the nightlight, pushing beads of blood onto his knuckles.

Storm gasped "oh Logan" she whispered softly, carefully sitting on the floor infront of him. He sniffed deeply, and slowly raised his head until Storm could see his eyes briefly. They was glossy, full of tears threating to spill and bloodshot. A vein from the outer corner of his right eye running until it almost touched his iris was prominent, revealing how exhausted he really was. For the first time Storm didn't look into his eyes and see the gruff and violent Wolverine of the X-Men. She just saw Logan, with vulnerable, almost childlike expression. Confused and scared and lonely.

As quickly as he had lifted his head it was back down again. Storm looked him over again, noticing the slight tremor in his hands, he was also shivering slightly, without the warmth of his duvet his white tank top wasn't warm enough in this old mansion.

She also heard him sniffle.

That is what broke her.

That is what made her start to cry again. To see and hear Logan who was always the strong one. Always in control of his emotions. Who until tonight she would have believed had never cried in his life, not even as a baby. Yet here he was huddled in the corner crying almost silently and tucked in on himself.

Logan heard Storm sob, he felt her gently touch his arm, and he guiltily and painfully pulled his claws back in, his knuckles would start to heal now.

He felt her move to sit next to him. She was still crying. She rested her head on his shoulder and wound her arm around his knees to nonverbally tell him that she had him, that they had each other, and she knows what he's feeling right now. Logan couldnt remember the last time anyone held him, comforted him. He could feel her, her love and security. And shared grief.

He broke.

He pushed his face further into his arm as sobs racked his body, his shoulders heaved, he's breath uneven and a great weight settled in his sternum again trying to suffocate him. Every so often a small gasp would escape as he tried to regulate his breathing.

Storm stayed with him all night. Rubbing small, gentle circles across his shoulder blades, quietly shushing him, comforting him and letting him know she was there for him. She knew logan wouldn't have handled any of this well, but she suspected this was the first time he had actually processed any of his emotions at all.

The next morning Hank was doing his best to get the school into some sort of order. He had promised Logan and Storm to stay and help until everyone was back on their feet a little. He knew Storm and gone to find Logan late last night so he would take on breakfast duties.

It was early so no one else was awake. Walking past he found Logan's door wide open. Figuring he could use all the rest he could Hank moved to close the door for him when noticed the pair in the corner. Logan's head had rolled back, his mouth open as he snored softly. One of his legs had stretched out while the other remained in an 'A' shape. And carefully laid on his shoulder was Storm. She had curled up to his side and used him as a pillow.

Hank smiled and pulled the door to, glad that in this horrible time at least they had each other.

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Thanks for reading 💛

[lifeonthemurdersim]

Subconscious Thoughts Fandom/Universe: Saints Row / Double Boss AU Characters/Pairing: Boss x Boss AO3 Link(full tags, warnings etc here)Word count: 1,245 words Synopsis: Casey's worst nightmares are the ones where she's alone. Fortunately, she never truly is. Author's Note: Another that's not really kinky or gorey more a cute little thing. Zoo is @zoo-the-saint's Boss. More about Gorekinktober on my pinned post here! Kinktober prompt(s) used: Outdoors/Public Goretober prompt used: Nightmares

The dreams were horrible tonight. Fucking horrible.

It wasn't even just the usual re-living of deaths this time, this one was far more abstract; she woke up in a cold sweat not even remembering what was happening apart from one really important aspect that shook her to her very core.

She was alone. All alone.

Her eyes crept open, wondering if it was close to morning already so she could forgo the attempts to get back to sleep and go get some breakfast. Unfortunately, it was only 2.17am. She groaned, closed her eyes again and pulled her blankets right up over her head. But her mind remained firmly awake, making her chew at her lip and think shitty things about herself and force her body into positions it couldn't sleep in. Even if her conscious mind insisted she could deal with it, her unconscious didn't want to go back to that feeling of overwhelming loneliness. It couldn't deal with "alone" at all right now, actually.

She usually slept naked but she'd crashed in her bra and panties tonight. Still, she probably shouldn't rock up to her best friend's room in lingerie in case it came off as a proposition. Which she wasn't entirely sure it wouldn't be knowing them but still. She wrapped her comforter around her shoulders and stumbled out of bed.

She wasn't sure whether to knock or just creep right in and nestle in next to him, she knew by now he wouldn't mind the latter but if he was still up the former seemed more polite. When she reached Zoo's door, however, it was already open and the light was on, her co-Boss being nowhere to be seen. She blinked blearily and headed out to the living area. He wasn't there either, but the door out to the fire escape was ajar.

She wrapped herself up a little tighter as she stepped out into the cold winter air, walking through clouds of her own breath as she trudged up the fire escape to the roof. Sure enough, Zoo was up there, in pyjama bottoms with his leather jacket slung over the top, leaning against one of the rails and smoking.

"'Sup, valued colleague." Casey greeted as she approached him, with a surprising lack of enthusiasm in her tone considering she had meant it to be humorous. "Little 2am nicotine hit just couldn't stop screaming at ya?" Zoo chuckled slightly, taking a long drag as he turned to look at her as she approached, leaning onto the rail beside him.

"Haven't bloody slept yet." he confirmed. "Stupid poxy... thoughts had to go and get in the way." He offered her the cigarette without really seeming to think about it. She smiled and took a decent draw on it, letting the smoke back out slowly before handing it back to him. Just a little hit would do for now. "What about you, love?"

"Eh, usual." she replied. "Got to sleep just fine but shitty little nightmares woke me up."

"God we're a mess." he commented with a sigh.

"Comes with the trauma, sweetie." she pointed out, poking a hand out from the cover to pat him on the back. "I'm sorry you're having a hard time though." she said more softly, leaning her head against his shoulder. He shivered slightly.

"It's fine... I spose." he muttered, leaning down lower as he looked over the city. Casey looked too. She wondered if Stilwater would find the Saints' leaders as fearful if they knew they were sulking on a balcony together wallowing in their insomnia. She felt Zach shiver slightly, his chest was bare under his jacket and she knew how cold he always got. She was careful to keep her eiderdown covering her front so she wasn't flashing the whole city- not that half of them hadn't already seen it- but managed to pick enough of it up to wrap around him too.

The leather of his jacket was cold against her bare side, but he looked to her with an appreciative smile that made it worth it. He returned the favor by snaking an arm around her waist, pulling her close. He frowned in surprise, patting her bare skin slightly. "Are you... naked?"

"No." she responded, side-eyeing him and smirking slightly. "I have underwear on."

He arched a brow at her with an intrigued look, pausing for a moment. "Well that's a shame." he finally retorted.

Casey snorted. "Is it really though Zach?" she asked. "Would seein' my boobs really make it all better?"

Zoo chuckled. "Wouldn't have done any harm, love." he pointed out, nuzzling into her hair slightly in a way that made her skin tingle all over. "Maybe it'd distract me 'til I felt better."

"This isn't a TV show, Zach." she laughed. "Either it'd just be weird or we'd end up fucking again."

He smirked back. "And would that be so bad?" he asked. Her eyes travelled over his face, incredibly close to hers now.

"No." she replied, leaning in to him even closer, their noses just barely brushing. "I think it would be, as always... very... very... good."

It was all very instinctive; Zoo closed the gap between them slowly, his scarred lips meeting her bitten ones. He tasted of cigarettes and booze and vaguely of metal; maybe blood. She wouldn't be surprised if he got into a fight again at one of the bars he frequents on sleepless nights. Still it's seductive and addictive as always, drawing her in, neither of them really relenting as the kiss drew them both in deeper; tongues meeting slowly, bodies shifting closer, Zach's teeth biting down on her bottom lip as they drew apart. He trained his gaze on her and she met his gaze hungrily.

"Jesus fucking Christ, what is wrong with us?" she complained, shaking her head.

"You're gonna have to be more specific, love." Zoo joked, brushing away a stray strand of her hair. He hesitated. "Do you... not want to-"

"Oh I want to." she interrupted quickly, worried she'd accidentally persuade him out of it if she wasn't careful. "I... I want you, Zach, I'm just worried if we do this too often... we're... we're gonna end up exactly where everyone always thinks we are."

"In a... relationship?" Zoo asked, speaking the words as if they were distasteful.

"Well don't say it out loud." Casey replied, scrunching her nose up.

He seemed to take on her concerns, but as usual, his response was quick. "Case... this... this is just us being us, y'know?" he pointed out. "If everyone else doesn't get that then fuck 'em, quite frankly."

"Yeah, you're right." she said with a slight smile. "I'm overthinking this."

"See, that's not good for you, I much prefer to underthink." the male Boss joked. "Guess that's why we balance each other out a bit."

"Here I was thinking we were the same person." she said with a little smile, then paused. "But yeah. You're right. We do." Zoo smiled back at her.

"What do you really want love?" he asked, reaching out a hand to the side of her face so their golden eyes locked each others' again. "Right now, no overthinking... what do you want?"

"I wanna fuck you." she replied, with a little bite of her lip. "Right on this fuckin' rooftop."

Zoo fixed her with an oddly affectionate smile, giving her a wink as he pulled her back to him. "That's my girl."

[technowoah]

Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

TRENDING

ARE YOU OKAY

10.1k tweets

QUACKITY

20k tweets

ARE YOU OKAY QUACKITY?

13.7k tweets

[got-to-love-a-badboy]

Previous chapter

Special guest

Chapter 14 - confessions

Normality hit Ellie like a bus, first her alarm ringing at 6:30am, today was going to hard, she rolled over to turn the beeping alarm off and noticed a text from Jack.

Sorry for texting at 2am, I can't sleep 🙄, having you with me the last 2 days has changed my sleep style I guess, il be like walking dead or summit by Friday! Anyway I'm going off on one, I just wanted to text you because I can't stop thinking about what you said earlier, do you really think I would think about my ex?, I know iv looked a player in the press and the typical footballer stereotype thing but I'm not like that el, I couldn't hurt you like that. I just wanted to make sure you know it. Sleep tight princess, text me tomorrow 💗

Ellie smiled from ear to ear, her heart beating slightly faster, he really was something else.

She had to admit she was genuinely worried he could want someone else, I mean he is a footballer, he could have anyone of his choosing.

She had to try and cleanse her mind of the negativity she was forcing herself to think.

She started her morning routine, first she hopped in the shower, nothing like a steamy shower to clear your mind before replying to Jack.

Once she was out she laid back on her bed and text Jack back..

Morning handsome, no I apologise for saying that Jack, I don't think you are like that, I am just a very insecure person and I shouldn't have put that on you, please don't think I doubt you. That text made my morning though, I really enjoyed my weekend with you and I'm glad you did too. I miss you bub!

Love El X

Ellie contributed to get ready for work, deciding on a jeans, a simple top and a blazer, She applied a small amount of make up and headed out the door.

Once she arrived at the office Jess shot up from behind her desk, "GET OVER HERE NOW!", she whisper shouted across then foyer, Ellie shook her head and buried her head in her hands. Once she reaches the desk Jess was looking at her like a child on Christmas morning, "here... coffee, now spill, don't hold back on ANYTHING!", Ellie laughed at her friends excitement.

Ellie told Jess all about the weekend, the cuddles on the sofa, the paparazzi, the boat, visiting villa park... and the sex, Jess absolutely lost it, she was so excited for her best friend, "El I can't believe this, you have your dream man worshiping the ground you walk on, babe you fully deserve this", the two hugged for a while as Jess sobbed tears of happiness for her bestie.

The girls continued their work day until lunch time rolled around, Jess took a selfie for Snapchat and began posting videos, Ellie asked her to take take a picture of her for her Instagram, she hadn't posted in few days.

The girls continued their work day until lunch time rolled around, Jess took a selfie for Snapchat and began posting videos, Ellie asked her to take take a picture of her for her Instagram, she hadn't posted in few days

Liked by @Jackgrealish, Jessshaw132 and 872 others.

Elllowe - wow! What a weekend!! 😍

Back to normality in the office, but I have my bestie @Jessyshaw to get me through till Friday, 4 days bub!!

Jesshaw132 - it's the final count down ... do do do do, do do do do do!!

Liam333 - we love a happy El!

Jackgrealish - 🔥 ⏰

Kavinphillips ☺️👩🏻‍❤️‍👨🏻

—————————————————

That evening when Ellie got home she had a text from Jack...

Call me when you can babe 💗

She was a little worried so she threw her bag on the side and FaceTimed Jack.

Hi gorgeous

Hey babe everything ok?

Um yeah, just wanted a chat about the text this morning,

Ellie really began to panic

Oh ok, I apologised babe I didn't mean I thought you was speaking to your ex or something?

Jack shook his head and half smiled at Ellie.

No, no not at all babe, it's more something on my side.

Ellie was worried, was he speaking to his ex!

After you left last night I couldn't sleep, all I could think about was, is that the image I give off, I spoke to Ty about it, I hope you don't mind, he's my best friend I needed a guy to talk to.

No course not, I talk to Jess, that's what besties are for.

The two began to laugh before Jack started speaking again.

So basically I need to tell you what happened with my ex .... Il just say it as it is, I was a wreck when we broke up.

I thought you left her

Yeah I did, at the time I didn't want to, but she broke my heart, she slept with one of my childhood best friends, it crushed me El, I was ready to propose to her, we had been together 4 years, it was so out of the blue, I thought we was fine, clearly I was wrong.

Oh Jack! I'm so sorry I didn't know any of this.

It's not your fault babe, but I just want to make sure you know that I don't have any feelings for her anymore, il be honest with you I had to talk to Ty because I was like am I not over her? If Ellie noticed something then I must not be, but I know what it is, I'm scared to get serious because I can't be hurt again, I know how stupid that sounds seeing me as "Jack Grealish, footballer, ladies man".

Jack stop, first of all, that is not how I see you, to me you are just Jack, a lad iv met through a friend who I absolutely adore, who I miss like you wouldn't believe!, who I am counting down the days to be laid on the sofa watching Disney films and eating Doritos with!.

Jack laughed at Ellie.

And also Jack, iv had my heart broken too, I'm hoping we can fix each other, like you I was an absolute state when he left me, for his boss none the less, but you know what, he did me a massive favour, I wouldn't have met you the sweetest, sexiest and kindest man on the planet without him breaking me, so let them think they have won and broken us because we aren't two broken pieces anymore. We are one whole fucking amazing piece.

Jack laughed again at Ellie, she knew how to cheer him up no matter what.

Haha!, god I love you Ellie.

Jack realised what he had said and began to back track.

I uh, I mean, I uh I didn't mean to say that

Ellie simply smile back at him.

I love you too Grealish.

The couple talked again for a while before both heading off to do their nighttime routine.

Jack managed to sleep much better that night.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Wow! It has been such a long time!

I apologies!, I lost track of where I wanted to go with this, I hope I am back in the swing of things.

I have received a few messages about this book asking if I am continuing, I am, I'm back for good 😂

Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy it.

Emma x

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2576

i had therapy first thing this morning. it was nice to talk to christine and catch up.

it was also nice to not wake up in excruciating pain. i guess doing those massages worked really well for me. considering it's been hurting less and less, and i can actually shift my jaw and eat things now, it's going pretty well. i'm excited. and, as i write this at 2am, i have almost all of my hearing back. hell yeah. it's still a little tender to the touch, and my jaw is still a little sore and tough to open, but it's way better than it was.

today i helped my mom with her service project. it's not technically her service project, but she was in charge of organizing it and stuff, but she wasn't able to be there in person as people made them. which yielded results that were frustrating and pathetic at best. i'm fixing them. but the issue is they need to be hand stitched, and apparently the women in the peterborough ward don't know how to sew?? isn't that, like, a basic mormon woman skill??? in the merrimack ward it was. ask anyone and they could tell you how to fix something. shit dude, fuckin. backwoods bullshit.

anyway, the end results are honestly sad. 100% frustrating. 100% makes me mad. like?? they're so poorly constructed?? how do you take pride in shitty work???? do you know what a job well done actually is?????

anyway.

i got my mothman dice in the mail!!! they're PERFECT!!!!

i love them so much.

i also finally opened the box of giveaway stuff i was sent by @arrow-guy who (1) is an angel and (2) did a giveaway, the only part of which i could remember was the blind date with a book. and i gotta tell you, i was SO excited to be recommended a book by a friend. i've done the "blind date with a book" before, and it ended up being the first book in the tales from earthsea series by ursula k leguin, which was fuckin awesome. this one that erin sent had the words "post-apocalyptic" and "space colonies" in the description, and i was like "THAT ONE I WANT THAT ONE." and i said i'd open it as a reward after finishing my paper, and i'm all done with my paper, so i saw it today and remembered i hadn't opened it. so i grabbed it and i opened it and oh my GOD was it spectacular. SO MUCH STUFF. HOLY SHIT.

OBSERVE.

SO MUCH GOOD STUFF IM SO EXCITED

and salvation day is a THRILLER and i'm SO EXCITED TO READ IT. i'll probably spend the rest of the week reading. i'm excited. all of this stuff is fuckin awesome. i'm so happy. @arrow-guy you ROCK. FOREVER.

i got a phone call today from someone that i couldn't figure out what they were saying, so i had to listen to the message half a dozen times to figure out the girl was saying "boxlunch at the mall." apparently i had completely forgotten about an order i had placed, and it was in, so eventually today i went and got it. i turned the simple trip into an excursion and i invited hannah and kianna along, but kianna was tired and didn't want to leave the couch (which, yknow, mood), so i picked up the stuff, picked some other stuff out, went to hot topic and picked up other stuff, went to the lindt store for chocolate for mom, and went to get froyo, and after that, we went to hang out with nick and kianna and eat our froyo together.

but look upon my spoils, for they are many.

i also got some other things too. like a t-shirt and chocolate.

overall a pretty good day. spent a lot of money. talked a little bit to joel. talked to myself about my worry over FF, because for all i talk bit about "hey i'm absolutely in love with you" it's not even that. they're just. they're really just my friend. i think they're fascinating and i love talking to them. sure, i fell a little bit in love with them. but it's the same with everybody i meet. i always fall in love with people a little bit. how can i not?

anyway. i'm worried. well, maybe not worried-worried. concerned, i guess? because it's been total radio silence for a few days and that's really out of character from the last few months, but their friend has also been not so active, so i assume it's because school has restarted. and i know i shouldn't worry so much, because i'll give myself ulcers and worry myself into an early grave. but they're my friend! and i give a shit! a big shit!! i care about their mental health and i want them to be okay. i thought about reaching out, and asking them how they're doing, but there's that constant issue of "i've dug myself into a hole because i keep telling you i love you and i've made every interaction awkward from here on out." so i wish for death. but mostly i wish for them to be okay, to be good, to be thriving in their real life. i don't want them to feel like they need to isolate. i just want them to know that we as a group miss them, and that i as an individual miss them, and that it's not because i'm madly in love with them or anything. i actually wish i could start over with that, honestly. if i didn't just fuckin stop functioning when i first saw their face, if i didn't look at everything they do with stars in my eyes, it would've been better. kaiku, i'm sorry. god, i'm a disaster. i need to change my tag.