#i should've intuited something like this would happen

[fategoflatass]

He's never beating the masochist allegations.

[torialefay]

I know this is weird but it does happen -

So you know how some people have animals? How would skz react to the animals staring at him when they have sex with their with girlfriend?

My dog actually would get aggressive and I had to put him away for my ex (should've known my ex was no good from that 😂) but yes my dog is protective of me.

okay so this has KILLED ME 😂 y'all think about the most specific stuff, i'm telling you. but i love it omg. i'll use examples of the members' animals when i know them, and if not, i'll do a broad answer. this is just based on intuition:

• chan: is definitely putting berry out. or any pet. not because he's necessarily weirded out by it, but out of respect for them 😂 he doesn't want them to have to see all that.

• minho: minho also probably doesn't want his lil kitties to watch, so would prob lock them out lol. BUT i think if things were hot and heavy, he'd probably just tell them he was sorry and to look away.

• changbin: binnie is a toss up for me. i'm gonna go with, like minho, he'd put them out if he knew something was about to go down, but if not, i don't think he'd ruin the moment to move them.

• hyunjin: if it's kkami, i think he's putting him out bc what if he just runs up into y'all and then you squish him and he dies? he's literally the size of a large rat, so it'd be bound to happen. if it was ANOTHER animal though, i don't think he'd even think about it nor would he give a fuck.

• hannie: han is taking them somewhere else. idk why, but i could see him being fixated on getting them out before you do anything. a lot like chan, he doesn't want bbama's precious eyes to have to see him like that.

• felix: idk why but i don't think he'd care if a cat was in there, but i do think he'd care about a dog. i can't even explain this one. it's just the vibes.

• seungmin: doesn't give two shits. he will fuck you anywhere in front of anything. so what?

• innie: baby man bread is probablyyyy gonna move them out of the room too. moreso that he feels uncomfy with it than thinking about the pet necessarily

lmk your thoughts hehe 🫶🏼

[valley-of-headcanons]

bachelorettes reacting to you getting hurt || headcanons

these bachelorettes vowed to stay with you, in sickness and in health! part two here!

warnings: you get hurt (obv) by: the mines, ocean, farming, tree, electrocution, and animals. if you're scared of that, don't read this :)

requested by: anon! thank you so much for the request! oh how i love comfort fics <3 it was kinda hard trying to figure out unique things that would hurt the farmer so pardon the slightly goofy scenarios 💀 had to screenshot anon message because tumblr hates my guts and won't let me post. anyway, hope you enjoy! :)

abigail

• You told Abigail you were heading to the mines, and it was rather late. She was worried, but she knew you'd be fine. You've done it several times, what would make this time different? Well, seeing as you didn't have enough food to keep your energy and help up ... uh oh. You weren't doing well, pretty beat up at this point. Tons of scratches and more blood than there really should be …

• Once it hit 2 AM, Abigail couldn't rest anymore. She was worried sick about you. Yes, you both were adventurous spirits, but everyone has their limits. So, Abigail got ready to head into the mines to find you. She descended through the floors, searching for you while slicing the monsters. She was more scared than she'd like to admit, and it was evident on her face.

• Once she found you passed out cold on a relatively low floor, she freaked the fuck out. She eventually got you to wake up through enough pushing and shoving. You looked to see your frantic lover's face for only a moment before she pulled you into a deep hug. She wasn't one to be emotional, she didn't like talking about that stuff, but when it came to you ... she loved you too much to hide it.

• “God- you had me worried sick! It's three in the morning- and you were- you were knocked unconscious and ... I was worried I lost you ... you can't do that to me, you had me so worried, I ... God, I sound like my dad ... just- please. Be more careful. I was worried I ... I was worried I didn't have the power to wake you up. Or ... anything did. I'm just glad you're awake, now let's get to Harvey's ASAP.”

• Abigail hurried with you to Harvey's, trying her hardest to stay calm with deep breaths. Despite the blood that was pouring on her clothes, her shaking hands, and her worries ... she stayed externally calm for you. She got you to Harvey's in no time, and he stitched you up with some warnings. Abigail made sure you stuck to them. Yes, she encourages rebellion, but not when it comes to health.

emily

• You decided to do some late night fishing. You had made kind of a big purchase today, so you needed to make up for it with some fish sales. Emily knew where you'd be, down by the beach. You go fishing all the time, it's not like this time would be very different. But when you hadn't come home, and the clock is striking 2 AM ... something was fishy.

• Emily made her way toward the beach, her intuition telling her something was wrong. Something didn't seem right in the slightest. But, she tried to keep her cool, as nothing that bad could've happened, right ...? She's one of the most calm and collected bachelorettes, despite her eccentric nature. She's truly the most emotionally mature. So ... why was she so nervous?

• When she saw you face down in the sand, it all clicked. She raced over to you, taking off her shoes and slinging them across the sand so she could get to you faster. She turned you over, trying to get you to respond. Worry laced her expression, trying to think of what to do. She had to learn CPR to work at the Saloon, so she decided to try it. She's out of practice, but ... when your eyes popped open, coughing up sea water and sand, everything seemed to be remotely okay.

• “Jeez- you had me worried for a second there! We've gotta get you to Harvey's tonight, you crashed out. I should've told you that something didn't feel right about fishing tonight, but I thought it'd be okay ... that's behind us. Right now, we've gotta get you back to health! Let's get to Harvey's. I'll be your crutch, 'kay?”

• As she helped you to Harvey's, she was a bit nervous but she knew you'd be fine. You were in good hands, and no matter what, something like this couldn't take you down. So, after getting to Harvey's, she sat by your side and held your hand as Harvey checked everything out. She trusted that fate knew what it was doing, and it did. She knew something this simple couldn't take you down.

haley

• Bright and early, you needed to do some work on the farm. Haley had opted to stay in the bed, claiming to need her beauty rest. Even though she didn't need it, you let her rest. You didn't need your partner sitting on the porch for you to do farmwork! It's not like you were a toddler who needed to be supervised, right? ... right?

• Haley woke up about an hour or two after you had, fixing herself some morning tea and admiring the scenery. She gazed out the window, looking at the beautiful life you two had created together. She was really proud of you, and the life you provided for her, even though she didn't say it nearly enough. She was shook from those thoughts when she noticed that you weren't tending to the farm like you normally were. You were laying in it. Not moving.

• Essentially launching herself out of the cabin in a robe, she ran to your side. Haley was screaming and panicking, dragging you out of the crops and sitting by your side. She shook you, trying her hardest to get you to wake up. She didn't know what was happening. Heat stroke? An undisclosed illness she didn't know you had? But then she noticed the already forming bump on your forehead ... you hit yourself in the head with your hoe? Really? Once your eyes began to open, she hugged you really tight before letting you have it.

• “Babe! How did you hurt yourself with a hoe?! You've got to be more careful! You're so- ... you're so stupid. I love you, you've gotta take better care for yourself! What if I hadn't seen you and you suffocated or something! I can't be around all the time! ... let's get you to Harvey's to get you checked out, dummy ... no, I'm not mad. My nerves are just super heightened now ... you know I worry about you, right?”

• Haley took you to Harvey's hoping that you hadn't done significant brain damage. When she knew that you were fine, she apologized for freaking out and giving you a kiss on the cheek. She'd still tease you about it, but she didn't raise any more hell. She was genuinely worried about you, and she doesn't respond to stress well.

leah

• Leah was hard at work on a sculpture, chipping away at the driftwood on the table in front of her. You wanted to do something nice for her: cut down a tree and give her the wood for her projects. She gives you so many things, so it's time you give her something in return! So, you set out on this journey, unbeknownst to Leah. She started to get a bit worried when you hadn't been around in a while, though …

• She had gotten so sucked into her work, she didn't realize that you had been gone for so long. It was getting pretty late, where could you be? She racked her brain for answers as she stood, calling out your name. She looked across the farm, not seeing you. Her last resort was to head into town, but she needed to drop by her old cabin for some materials. So, she headed through Cindersap Forest. She didn't expect to see you, helpless under a cut down tree.

• Leah's heart raced as she called your name, rushing by your side. Her first course of action was to pull the tree off of you, huffing and puffing but eventually getting it off of you. She looked over your body, seeing that you were mostly unharmed aside from maybe a broken leg. The tree must've hit you on the head on the way down. She dragged you to Harvey's without waking you up, she knew that this was probably dire. You woke up to Leah sitting beside you in the hospital.

• “Hey love, you scared me there ... I was worried I had lost you. What happened? ... ah, I see. Please, be more careful. I can lend you a book on how to more carefully cut trees? ... I love you. I don't say it nearly enough, even though I think I say it all the time. Please get some rest and get healed up, Harvey's gonna take care of you. No, don't apologize, you're fine hon.”

• After Harvey put your broken leg into a cast and explained how to properly take care of it, you looked over to Leah. She smiled at you softly, holding your hand. You knew that you were in safe hands with her. She was going to make sure you were taken care of, whether you liked it or not. She wasn't going to rest until she knew you were better.

maru

• Maru was working on a big project and needed some batteries. You were happy to provide! The lightning rods on your farm were the best way to go about it. Finally, you woke up to a rainy day! Maru was already hard at work in the home, so you went out to do your chores. Batteries were ready! You just had to grab them, and- pzzzt!

• She was very sucked into her work, not noticing that you had been gone for a remarkable amount of time. About midday, Maru got up to get herself a drink of water. She started to wonder about how you were doing and where you had gone, so she decided to step out into the rain to look for you. She didn't expect to find you laying in the dirt beside the lightning rods.

• Maru rushed over to you, pulling you away from the lightning rods and looking over your body. You were breathing, but you were definitely out. She tried to wake you up, but nothing. This was out of her nursing expertise, so she dragged you to Harvey's, slowly but surely. She got you there shortly, letting Harvey take care of you and helping him to the best of her ability. When you woke up, she was right by your side.

• “Hey hon, did you get electrocuted? ... yeah, I got you to Harvey's. Yes, you're fine, I assume you hit your head hard on the fall down. Is there anything else that feels odd? ... yes, you have a minor concussion, but I'll be home to help you out. You worry me, farmer ... I love you, though. You keep life interesting.”

• Maru followed Harvey's orders exactly, making sure you were on the way to recovery. She kept you fed and medicated for your pains. Taking care of someone is not something Maru normally does, despite her being a nurse. But she knows what to do and tries her hardest, giving you small little kisses in between your requests. She shows her love for you by doing everything you need.

penny

• You were going about, doing your daily chores while Penny was out with Jas and Vincent. This was the usual, despite your married life. You were working with the animals, as per usual. Tending to the cows and chickens was a daily chore, but it wasn't too bad! But sometimes, accidents happen. Sometimes you get accidentally kicked pretty hard by your cows. Y'know, it happens, right?

• Penny made her way home after working with the kids, waltzing into the cabin with a spring in her step. She didn't see you out on the farm, so she assumed you'd be home. She was surprised to see you not in the cabin, so she glanced back outside. She tilted her head, wondering where you could be. Well, in the meantime, she could go say hi to the cows! She loves the animals on the farm, and she can't wait to see them. She didn't expect to see you knocked out against the wall of the barn …

• Fight or flight mode kicked in on Penny. She stared at you for a moment, analyzing your breathing. You were alive, probably not too badly hurt, but definitely passed out. She shook off the panic, trying her hardest to push through despite the tears pricking at her eyes. She tried to shake you awake, but nothing. She knew she couldn't get you to Harvey's by herself ... so, she had to bring Harvey to you! She ran at full speed down to Harvey's, begging him to come visit the farm for you. She brought him to you, and he checked up on you in the barn. Penny sat right by your side as you woke up.

• “Love, I'm so glad you're awake! You had me so worried, I didn't know what had happened! I-I ... God, I'm so glad you're okay ... did one of the cows hit you, or something? ... hmm, I didn't expect that, that's really weird ... but, I will be right by your side until you feel better! Harvey said you had a broken rib, so I'll be taking care of everything that I can for you! ... just rest up for me, okay?”

• Penny stayed by your side for your entire recovery, helping you with anything you could ever need. You're so important to her, and it shows through every action. She would drop on her hands and knees for you if you asked. She cares so much for you, and she wouldn't dare put you in any discomfort! Penny is an incredibly devout wife.

[heavenlycloud]

quit: park sooyoung x fem! reader

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧

cw// toxic relationships, HEAVY smut, swearing, situationships / fwb, manipulation, crying, NSFW again

men and minors dni!

a/n: i saw this pic of joy while looking for new layout pics and i couldn't help but let my mind wander...plus i've been dying to write something for this song. i'm still getting used to writing nsfw so pls be nice :) feedback would be greatly appreciated since this is my first time posting nsfw on my blog

and you say that i'm the devil you know and i don't disagree. no, i don't see the harm...they say, "you crazy, just leave him, he'll suffocate you" but i wanna be in your arms...

everyone in your friend circle warned you about her. they told you she would do more harm than good. they said she's not genuine, that she's only after one thing, sex. it'd be a lie if you said you didn't believe them because you knew getting involved with her was a disaster waiting to happen. however, there was something about her that was so addicting and you weren't ready to give up the drug that she was...you probably never will be. she's just that damn good.

they say, "no, don't pick up the phone, let them think there's nobody home" but i'm under your spell... 'cause when you call my heart starts to roll, i always want more, it's my heaven, my hell...

your bedroom window blew cool, night air into your apartment as you sat on your bed. you mindlessly ran your fingers along the cords of your electric guitar playing the first song that came to mind. surely the residents in the floors above and below you would complain about being woken up to kiss it better by rihanna, but you didn't care. it was well past one in the morning and you should've been asleep but here you were.

right as you finished the end of the chorus a muffled humming sound came from between your bed and pillows. you didn't even have to check to know who it was, and you definitely knew you shouldn't answer. all of your friends told you to ignore her calls, let her think you're not around so you ignored it. instead of calling again, you heard a loud knock at the front door of your apartment. ignoring the advice of everyone else and your own intuition, you got up and answered the door.

we're heading deep inside lives a voice, a voice so quiet. but i can't hear that voice when your heart beats next to mine...

sooyoung stood in the doorway looking like an abandoned puppy with her hair damp and wearing a sullen face. her eyes were red with her tearstained cheeks and swollen lips, "h-he broke up with me..." her voice cracked and she hiccupped between her words, the same ones you heard at least twice a month.

the opportunity to turn her away was still there but when she looked up at you with that same damn pout, it was over. without missing a beat you pulled her into your apartment and closed and locked the door behind you both. you led her to your room where your guitar and amp had been pushed off to a corner, leaving your bed open.

she walked into your arms and gripped onto the back of your shirt as she sobbed, "i-i hate him so much." you pulled her into your chest and agreed, "i do too." sooyoung pulled away from you and bunched her hands in the hem of your oversized t shirt, "i need you, y/n. please... "

i can't quit you, i can't quit you...yeah, i'm gonna regret it... know I'm gonna regret it.

god does she know exactly what to say especially with that stupid pout you always give into. you bring your hands up to hold her face, and gently wipe her tears away with your thumbs. sooyoung leaned into your touch and kissed the inside of one of your palms sweetly. you swiped your thumb across her lip slowly dragging the motion out and she sucked your finger into her mouth. her soft tongue swirled around your skin and you affirmed, "i'll make you feel better i promise. let me take care of you, baby."

when you said, "baby, i just want you to lay me down and we'll fuck the pain away" 'cause skin on skin, i feel nothing but the burning of desire and that's just foreplay...

you pressed your lips against sooyoung's and she melted into your touch with ease. her arms slipped from inside her jacket and you tossed it aside. you found the zipper on the back of her dress and unzipped it slowly, letting the material hang from her body before completely dropping to the floor. she stepped out of the skirt and kicked it aside to another spot on your floor. your lips pressed against her neck until you reached her collarbone where you stopped.

sooyoung whined at the loss of contact and you smirked to yourself in satisfaction. you stood behind her and lifted her chin with your finger to angle her gaze to your wall length mirror. sooyoung stared at herself right as you unclipped her bra and let it fall away. one hand rested on her waist while another on her shoulder. you ran your fingertips down her arm and she let out a soft gasp.

your breath ghosted her neck as you said, "look at how pretty you are." she shyly turned her face into your neck and one hand found your wrist as you moved your other one to her panties. the hand on her chest teased her breast, tugging at one of her nipples eliciting a high pitched sound from her, "a-aah." you smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple, before holding her head up so she could see herself. your free hand slipped into her panties and with the lightest of touches, ghosted her dampened folds.

sooyoung squeezed her eyes shut and you clicked your tongue, "ah ah, look at your reflection. see how pretty you look?" her eyes slowly opened and you began rubbing slow circles around her heated center, ignoring where she needed it that most. sooyoung pleaded softly, "y/n...please." you hummed and dragged your thumb against her clit, making her knees buckle underneath her.

her weight rested on you and you smiled, "so needy and i haven't even done anything....do you know how much i love seeing you like this?" she didn't reply as you continued drawing patterns against her soaked pussy. she looked at you in the mirror and said, "y/n please." you slipped your hands from her panties and admired the sheen of slick. teasingly you brought them up to sooyoung's lips and watched her mouth fall open, just for you to lightly swipe her bottom lip and put your fingers in your own mouth.

you sucked her essence off of your fingers and hummed in satisfaction. watching as sooyoung pathetically licked her bottom lip for the smallest taste of herself, and feeling her sigh in relief against you. gently, you backed her against your bed and let her fall into the plush warmth. she was completely engulfed in your scent making her yearn for your touch even more. she looked up at you with those same doe eyes, searching for any signs of continuing your ministrations.

an airy gasp left her lips as you pressed the softest of kisses along her chest. you brushed your lips across one of her breasts and gently kissed one of her nipples while you free hand traced around the other. sooyoung let out a frustrated grunt as her chest pushed up for her hardened bud to meet your lips which only made you laugh. she breathed out, "please i need you..." you kissed the side of her breast and smiled, "you have me." she shook her head and repeated with more want, "no i need you to touch me."

looking up at her you pressed more kisses along her breast, swapping to the other before you asked, "where do you need me, baby?" sooyoung bit her lip as you sucked on her nipple and tugged on it with your teeth. when she didn't reply, you pulled away and started to move from atop her. in a panicked effort of desperation she snatched your hand into her own, and lowered it to her soaked heat, "here, i need you here." only then did you climb back over her and kiss down her toned abdomen, suckling marks and bites into her plush skin.

sooyoung spread her legs and let you settle between them, flinching slightly when your hand palmed her inner thighs. you ran your thumb over her heated flesh and nicked the surface with your teeth. by now you could smell how bad she wanted you and she was nearly shaking with desperation. just to put her on edge further, you kissed right against her folds, just missing where she wanted you most.

you coaxed smoothly, "tell me what you want, use your words, angel." sooyoung's voice came out just above a whisper as she said, "your mouth, please." heat flushed over her face when she looked down at you between her legs just in time to see you place a kiss to her clit. her hands flew to the top of your head just for you to slip one of your hands into her own.

the heat of your tongue against her molten center sent her eyes rolling to the back of her head. you laved through her folds hungrily tasting her as if she were the forbidden fruit from the heavenly garden. sooyoung breathily gasped and whined beneath you which sent a wave of confidence through your body. you let out a low moan, "you taste so good..." and it took everything in her to not let go right then and there. one of her hands fisted you soft bedsheets while the other squeezed onto yours, fingers intertwined with your own. when you gave her swollen bud another light suck she held her breath until she couldn't anymore. her body stuttered for a moment and a high pitched moan fell past her lips.

your fingers slipped into her heated core, helping her ride through her high before slowly kissing up her body to meet her lips. the taste of herself lingered on your tongue and filled her mouth, making her moan weakly. you brushed a piece of hair from her face and smiled softly, "my pretty girl." sooyoung's face twisted up at the nickname and she mumbled, "that's what he called me too..." immediately a pit of aggravation filled your stomach and you leaned closer to her, lips barely touching hers, "you're thinking of him when i'm right here?"

out of pure frustration you pushed her lightly away from you and started to get up, not knowing why you even bothered because she was always like this. no matter what you'd done in the past she always ran back to that bum ass man of hers. sooyoung grabbed your hand and pleaded, "no wait- please. y/n i'm sorry i just want you...it's always been you." she was too damn good at saying what you wanted to hear because no part of you genuinely believed her last words, yet you found yourself crawling back over her ready to make her mean what she said.

this time will be different.

we're heading deep inside lives a voice, a voice so quiet. but i can't hear that voice when your heart beats next to mine

you kissed her on her lips again and pushed her back down into your bed as she stared up at you. there was a specific hunger in your gaze that she'd never seen before that had her more excited than before.

i can't quit you, i can't quit you. yeah i'm gonna regret it, i know i'm gonna regret it

sooyoung's legs fell back open as you made your way back into the same spot before, kissing her swollen bud and laughing when she jumped. she rolled her head to rest on her shoulder and whined, "n-ngh i- wait i'm still sensitive..." you looked up at her through a hooded gaze, "i don't care. you look so beautiful under me." you connected your lips to her heated core and sucked harshly. her thighs closed around your head and you pushed them back open with enough force to make her whimper.

your fingers prodded at her entrance, your tongue dragging from her slit up to her engorged clit. sooyoung's hands violently fisted the sheets as she tried to hold out longer. but you were no match for her as you knew her body like the back of your hand. her second climax came and her sweet honey oozed from her center and onto your tongue. you sucked more into your mouth without wasting a drop before holding it there. she watched in near horror as you made your way up to her, tapping on her chin wordlessly.

sooyoung's lips parted and you stuck your sopping wet fingers into her mouth, drool running down her lips. when you withdrew them, you held her chin and tipped her head back slightly before spitting into her mouth. the mixture of your saliva and her slick filled her mouth, and she swallowed it without hesitation. your fingers massaged her soft pussy, making her begin to close her legs again. you looked down at her and said, "be good for me, open your legs." she followed your orders and squeezed her mouth shut as her thighs began to shake.

you looked at the tears that began to fill her eyes, only smiling and rubbing her center harder until her tears fell. she craned her neck up to meet her lips as you began to lean down, but instead you dragged your tongue along her smooth cheek, licking the trail of tears from her face. you laughed as she began to squirm more, beginning to beg, "i- y/n i- something is...i can't please-" you pushed your fingers further into her heated center, letting your thumb lightly bump her clit.

she began to close her legs and you pulled out of her and quickly reached forward. you laughed in her face as tears fell from her eyes and she nearly screamed, her swollen nub squeezed harshly between your thumb and pointer finger. sooyoung begged you, "ah- i- y/n-" you silenced her with a kiss and let her go, watching her sigh of relief only briefly until you pushed back into her.

you looked her in the eyes and told her firmly, "you can take it sooyoungie." her swollen pout and pleading eyes found yours and she repeated to herself pitifully, "i can take it. i-i can take it." you kissed her lips and cheek as you drew her only seconds from her third orgasm, "such a good girl for me huh?" she nodded eagerly as tears fell from her eyes and you kissed them away, "such a pretty girl when you cry for me. my pretty angel, my sooyoung." that moment the last name fell from your lips you felt her walls squeeze your fingers and push them out.

a stream of clear liquid leaked from her pussy as she shook beneath you, her own hand finding her clit and massaging it through her orgasm. you didn't hesitate to go down and lick up her mess, humming at the salty taste that was so uniquely hers. a taste you'd found yourself addicted to, always craving for more.

i can't quit you, i can't quit you, oh baby. i can't quit you, i can't quit you, oh babe

sooyoung pushed your head away and you kissed her inner thighs that were still slightly shaking. she had her eyes closed in a fucked out bliss that only you'd ever given her. you smirked to yourself and asked her sweetly, "who's on your mind now, angel?" sooyoung's eyes opened weakly and she hummed, "hmmm? s' you....only y/n. only want y/n." you placed a kiss on her cheek and laid beside her before she curled into your arms, tucking her head into your side. as you thought you'd finally won, sooyoung was beside you smiling to herself because she was the only winner, she always was.

you were only a pawn in her little game but she'd be lying if she said you weren't her favorite player. all this time people told you that she was obsessed with you, the idea of you. but in reality you were addicted to all of her, just another person hooked on the thought of winning the game. always under the impression that you were closer and closer to winning the grand prize, winning her over. but in reality you were just another piece in her puzzle. nevertheless, you'd never quit all that was park sooyoung.

i'm gonna regret it babe, babe, babe, gonna regret it, yeah, i'm gonna regret it...

[idyllic-affections]

what if kaveh adopted a child?

summary. kaveh adopts a random child.

trigger & content warnings. implied past trauma.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. comfort, found family. kaveh & child!reader. 0.6k words. they/them pronouns used for reader.

author's thoughts. hehe kaveh <3 this was written before the fontaine release, so i dont know how villainous focalors may or may not be but i implied her to be a lil bit villain-like. anyway i probably wont expand upon this one, this brainrot is just a silly little thought i had

kaveh is a man with a heart much too big for his chest.

alhaitham can't really say he's surprised when kaveh tries to sneak in an orphaned, seemingly nonverbal child barely any older than six or seven. they're clinging to the blonde like a lifeline, face buried in his neck and little hands clutching the fabric of his shirt. given how frail they look...

"quit staring. they came from fontaine," kaveh scoffed, one of his hands absently toying with the tips of their knotted hair, "if you must know."

there's a little bit of surprise on alhaitham's face at that—a child that small ran all the way from fontaine to sumeru city? did they communicate that to kaveh, or did he just assume based on their attire?—but it washes away quickly as he turns back to his book. kaveh almost dares to think he'll get off easily at his roommate's brief silence. he should've known better. just as he starts to walk away... "you can't keep them."

what alhaitham doesn't know is that they avoided so, so many others in sumeru city but approached kaveh because they felt safer approaching him rather than anyone else.

it annoys him beyond belief that the scribe fails to understand how intuitive children are (he's far too petty to admit that maybe it's because alhaitham doesn't know what happened, that he wasn't there to witness such a sweet little one approaching him while flinching away from others). they approached kaveh because, in their mind, he felt safer than other people.

there's no way in hell he's abandoning them.

"it's not your choice to make."

"it's my house."

"what do you suggest i do, then?!" he snaps, quickly regaining his composure when the little one in his arms trembles. a sense of guilt weighs on his chest; the poor thing must be exhausted, hungry, and possibly even sick or injured. they don't need any more stress. as infuriating as alhaitham can be... the blonde is more concerned with the child. kaveh's voice lowers significantly as he continues, "i'm not going to just leave them on the streets in a foreign nation."

"oh, i don't know," alhaitham muses, "maybe head to fontaine and find their parents?"

"gone."

both of the roommates fall silent at the little, meek voice. they peek upwards at kaveh.

a sense of calmness washes over them at the gentle, sympathetic expression on his face. he... looks like he could cry for them, actually. they don't have the capacity to completely understand the extent of the architect's empathy quite yet, and so, instead of trying to process why he looks so utterly bothered, they settle on laying their head back on his shoulder. he makes a very nice pillow.

"they're, um, gone," they repeat again, a little louder so the objectively scarier man could hear them with clarity. despite their sleepiness, they do their best to speak clearly and steadily. "l— lady focalors took them."

"...take them to gandharva ville."

kaveh doesn't reply to that, merely walking past his roommate and heading towards the bathroom to run a warm bath for them.

he knows he should. he's busy and won't be able to provide such a fragile thing with the care and attention they need to grow properly, not to mention his looming debt. he also knows that tighnari and collei and all the other forest rangers would take very good care of them until he rids himself of debt or until they're old enough to care for themselves. he knows, but... he just doesn't want to get rid of them. it pains kaveh to even think about doing something like that.

...

archons... he sincerely hopes that he can get rid of his debt and do it fast.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[usermischief]

I still think that post-season 3, Stiles should’ve gotten all sorts of little leftovers from the Nogitsune and been deeply unsettling, mostly for angsty reasons and also I cannot believe that everyone moved on perfectly fine after seeing their friend’s body crumble to dust in front of them and having their possessed friend as an enemy for a while before, but also because there is potential comedy of a visiting wolf/other supernatural person meeting everyone and then meeting Stiles, deeply unsettling and not quite breathing and still paler than he was pre-Nogitsune, playing a game of Go with Kira in a new interest that makes everyone else nauseous to think of the origins of, and going “what the hell is that?” The Beacon Hills gang, who’ve mostly adjusted to this by now, say that’s Stiles, he’s their friend. So there’s a banshee, a bunch of werewolves who apparently do not feel their skin crawl around their friend, maybe some Chimeras depending on if season 5 has happened, and the creepiest person in town, who is normally not doing anything particularly jarring but still makes people uncomfortable for no reason anyone can see. I think it would be a little funny after a while to watch new people meet Stiles and everyone else has either adjusted to this being their reality, did not know Stiles before everything, or is pretending to deal à la fake it til you make it, so they’re all “bro that’s just Stiles, calm down.” But I think there should also be angst throughout still, where they can remember a time when Stiles didn’t elicit this reaction or they think of when they had this reaction to him (Liam thought Stiles was the weird friend of his lacrosse captain who he vaguely recalls went missing once pre-bite, then had to resist the urge to shudder whenever he saw Stiles after his bite until he adjusted)

Oh, they dropped the ball hard with this one. They should've committed to being part "horror" TV show. Stiles could've had the ultimate uncanny valley effect - and it would've been even better if Stiles were aware of it.

But, you know, he tries to act like his normal self - hyper, loud, talks a lot. But then there are these moments where he forgets or doesn't have the energy, so he just doesn't move and he's just staring at them. Everyone is always super unsettled when that happens. His friends know that, technically, Stiles isn't a danger to him, but they can't help but be creeped out by that. People who don't know Stiles simply go "nope" and decide to turn the other way. Other packs are on high alert when the news spread, a human surviving a nogitsune? That doesn't sound right.

So they kind of want to snoop around. They see Stiles, and he looks like a gust of wind might break him apart, but there is something about him that's just not quite right. Nobody can put a finger on it, and they decide to leave them alone. It's better that way.

And Stiles is fully aware of all of that. Of fucking course, he uses it to his advantage. His intuition has always been spot on when it came to people. I mean, he even noticed that something was wrong with Matt. But like, thanks to the nogitsune it's not just his instincts anymore. Chaos, strife, pain. He gets a whiff of anything shady, and he's just... going full Derek, creeping around in the shadows, not even trying to hide that he's stalking them.

Everyone leaves. Nobody wants to fuck around and find out. Beacon Hills has never been this peaceful.

[cyle]

Hi! I'm wondering if you can offer any insight into something that's been bugging me with all of the changes. This is genuinely not a hostile ask - I know first-hand how hard (necessary) change management is. I don't envy the position y'all are in.

That being said - I'm having a hard time making sense of the strategy around the roll out for the last few big changes/"experiments"). It seems like the folks doing the messaging vs the actual feature management are not on the same page.

It has been stated several times that:

"We’ll be testing [our new] ideas in an opt-in basis with people who’ve been using Tumblr for years, and more especially with people who’ve never even heard of Tumblr (a difficult group to find)."

We've also seen, repeatedly, that

"Tumblr is a place where you can tailor and customize your experience to individual preferences."

With those statements in mind, the choice to roll these new features out to folks who *didn't* volunteer - and not offer any way to "customize our experience" seems like a strange one.

An expectation (which was positive) was established only to be directly violated within a few weeks. It makes it challenging to get a read on what y'all actually mean -- and to extend good faith or trust when communications do come out.

If you say you're going to do something, then do it, it builds trust. If you don't, it erodes trust. And that just makes your already difficult jobs harder - and the userbase even more reactive and knee-jerk resistant.

Can you give us a sense of what's going on here? Or can you at least pass this feedback on to whoever is handling the messaging around this stuff? We can see that y'all are striving for transparency, but that's only effective if it's honest/consistent.

[TL;DR: Tumblr's messaging emphasizes testing changes with volunteers, and offering the ability to customize - but that doesn't seem to be what's actually happening. What's up?]

this is a really great question, thank you for asking it. you've accurately pointed out some glaring holes in our communication strategy -- some of that is even my fault, to be honest, as someone who tries to help shape our public communications.

the easiest answer is that there's a lot of work happening on the internal tumblr side, and not all of it is the same kind of work, and therefore not all of it is being communicated consistently. that's a huge problem if you're not inside of it, as you point out; the contradictions seem weird for anyone paying attention.

i'm currently a part of the @labs group and we're trying to come up with radical ideas for reshaping tumblr, prototype them quickly, show them to people, and iterate on them, and reject them quickly if they don't make sense. the Tumblr Mini thing recently is an unfortunate example of that -- something leaked way too early, before we even got a chance to really understand how the thing we prototyped would be received. that may never go beyond the thing people saw, for good reason: it doesn't make sense. we're learning from it, but it's unfinished.

in that Labs group, we do want volunteer-based feedback, and we're actually starting that very soon with targeted user research. you may see some surveys soliciting that feedback soon, or invites to be a part of the testing. i'm extremely excited by that, because some other ideas we have feel like they should've been a part of tumblr since the beginning.

but.......

there's a whole different group at tumblr that are making "core product" improvements, and a lot of their work is reflected in the recent staff post about product strategy. their aim is to alleviate a lot of common points of confusion and frustration, some of which will seem counter-intuitive to people who have been on tumblr for many years and learned (what i call) "the hard way".

a lot of that core improvement work will be rolled out, experimented with, and iterated on, the traditional way: involuntary A/B tests, rather than volunteers. that is standard industry practice, because when you're trying to understand the behavior of millions of people, just asking for volunteers introduces too much selection bias.

however, it's important to note that even today's rollout of the new desktop navigation was released to some XKit devs beforehand, so we could get early feedback. so sometimes we do roll these core things out for feedback first, before "regular users", before we A/B test it. usually those small initial experiments are hyper-targeted though... in this case, because we do actually care about XKit and third party developers. you don't see that though!

so full transparency: not everything we do is going to be volunteer-based, not everything we do can be communicated adequately before we test it, not everything during testing will be customizable, because how much we want to customize is dependent on the outcome of these tests. it's a bit of a chicken-and-egg problem.

and furthermore, this is kind of how it's always been, for better or worse, since around 2016 when tumblr started believing in A/B tests and experiments, rather than just "ship it and we'll see"... the common denominator, though, is that we want your feedback. we don't do a good enough job soliciting that feedback, but we do want it. (i kinda wish we had an easy feedback button for the new layout.) we do make decisions based on feedback, but we augment that decision-making process with hard data from experiments.

i hope that makes sense? there's too much to cover to provide you with the full context. i could write a book about it. all i can confidently say is that we're trying as best as we can to balance the ideas of keeping tumblr special and unique, while trying weird/bad/good/uncomfortable new directions to help the platform grow and thrive. status quo and complacency aren't acceptable; tumblr needs to change to survive. i am just as uncomfortable and upset by that fact as anyone, and i worry every day and night about it, whether the price of survival is worth it.

we'll see, hopefully together.

[suki-daydreams]

Until Next Time

summary : gojo and baker reader meet again

notes : this is pt. 2!! pt. 1 is Umbrella link

info : past arc gojo x baker reader, gn reader (if I do use any prounouns, LMK!!), soft gojo, gojo is stupidly in love (but doesn't know it yet), fluff

IF GOJO SEEMS OOC - he is still processing/accepting what happened so he's a chill in this one, but he slowly is gaining he regular self back- thanks to you

UNEDITED

___

Gojo let out a long groan as he stretched his arm, he had just left the airport after an exhausting mission overseas sent by Yaga. It's been a week since the incident with you, and yet you never left his mind. All he wanted to do was meet you again.

He had taken a picture of the shop name, he was 75% sure you worked there.

~

"it's been a couple hours since they were made- it's usually better fresh, but I hope you enjoy them either way!" You smiled, then waved goodbye at him.

~

His intuition was good- you knew when the batch of desserts had been made, that's all he needed to know. He brought out his phone and began to type in the shop name on his GPS. With that he pulled up the location and began to make his way towards your bakery.

__

He stared at the store in shock, the stairs you found on him slumped on was right in front of your bakery. He must've had his guard down because he didn't even sense you when you came up behind him that day.

With a deep breath he pushed the door and made his way inside. A sweet scent of cupcakes, cake, kikufuku, castella, any dessert- you name it, immediately hit his nose. It didn't overlap each other, the smells weren't too strong. It was a nice smell.

He was also the only one there, well who goes to a bakery at 4 pm? The sun was still out and shining, the golden lighting was beautiful hitting all the plants and art decorations in your shop.

"Be right with you!"

His heart jumped, your voice. Then all of a sudden, he felt nervous. Would you still remember him? How would you remember him? His palms started getting sweaty. Why was he nervous? Why is it getting hot? He should've just gone home.

The great Gojo Satoru- is sweating over your voice? Cursed spirits must envy you.

You came out from behind a curtain while dusting yourself clean, "hello, what can I get for you today?" You said, then looked up at him.

"Hi, remember me?" He asked with a sheepish smile.

Your brows furrowed at the statement and tilted your head to get a good look at his features. He didn't miss how your eyes gleamed back up at him. Hair as white as snow, sky blue eyes, shimmering pale skin, glossy lips- who was he again? He looks familiar.

Then suddenly it all clicked together and you snapped your fingers, "oh! You're that gloomy kid on the stairs," you said, he frowned. That's the impression he left on you?

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said pouting and waved his hand off, slightly hurt at the word you used to described him.

You smiled and leaned forward, "how have you been?"

"I'm doing fine. Thanks for helping me that day," Gojo said, "I forgot your umbrella, so I'll bring it back next time."

Your eyes softened at the 'next time'.

He cleared his throat, "I should've offered to walk you home or something after you gave me your umbrella and desserts."

You waved him off, "no, no. It's quite alright," You said with a smile, "you don't need to worry about me."

"Well, I did feel better thanks to you and you walked home alone in the pouring rain," he said, then you laughed.

"I really don't mind! I like the rain."

Gojo noticed how you said 'I like the rain', and avoided saying: "I like being alone." Well, who is he kidding? Of course you wouldn't say that on a second encounter. But, still, who would like being alone?

He smiled and shook off his thoughts, "how can I make it up to you?"

"Well," you said then pointed at the menu, "you can start off with telling me what you would like."

He glanced up, "there's a lot of options."

"Yep! More variety, it's better like that."

He hummed, "let's see... I'll get..." and gazed at the menu more, his blue irises scanning over all the delicious dessert names, "one of everything."

Your mouth opened in shock, "really?"

"Yep, they all sound so good, I'd rather just try all of them at once," he said.

"Okay," you said putting in the order on the monitor, "then next time, you can tell me which one you like best with your honest feedback on every single one of those treats, okay?"

"I bet they're all good anyway."

You huffed, "you never know! You make something and eat it and think 'wow, this is really good!' But, then you give it to someone to try and they think, 'eh, it's alright.' Not everyone's taste buds are the same," you said.

He took out his black card and you turned away to ready the boxes to pack all the treats in. Gojo slightly pouted, he wanted to you to see his black card. Maybe if you did see it, you would shower him with praise, he could imagine it already.

"Wow! Is that a black card?!"

"That's so cool!"

"You must be rich!"

He wanted your attention and praise

Gojo tucked his card back into his wallet and shoved it down his pocket. The receipt began to print and you stood back up, it was going to take a while, "anyways, what have you been up to?" You asked.

He shrugged, "I just came back from a school trip overseas."

"Oh, that's cool!" You said, "I've never been anywhere outside of Japan." You looked over his shoulder outside, then looked back at him, "so... where's your class?"

"I went by myself," he said. Why was he being so honest? He could've just said, "they already went home" but no. He just spewed out the truth with you.

"The parents didn't want to sign the permission slips, huh?" You said with a giggle, grabbing the receipt.

He smiled, if only you knew.

If only you knew, who he really was, what he did for a living, how many people he has beaten to a pulp, how many people he has saved, what's really going on behind his life, all the dead bodies he's seen, all the curses he's defeated with his amazing technique, what his eye's really do, if only.. he could tell you.

Someday, he thinks, someday..

"You're order might take a little while, so I'll get it out to you as soon as I can!" You said, handing him the receipt.

"Nah, it's fine. Take your time," he said, not bothering to glance at it and shoved it in his pocket.

You then disappeared behind the curtain and he began to hear rummaging. He took the time to walk around, it wasn't big shop, but it also wasn't small. His eye's scanned over and observed all the art pieces, plants, and lights decorated in your bakery. The tables and chairs were smartly placed around the shop and well organized.

He didn't know how long he waited, but he heard you huff from behind the curtain and looked over. You were carrying two big bags out behind the curtain, "here you go, sir," you said, lifting them up to the counter.

"Thanks," he said, reaching over and lifted them up with ease, he carried both bags with one hand, while you panted for air. He couldn't help but smile at your tired form. You fixed your composure and stood back up, you took something out of your pocket and handed him a lollipop.

"Thank you! And, make sure you don't eat all of those at once!" You said, he raised a brow.

"Why not?"

"You'll get a stomach ache, silly! And maybe vomit," you said, shaking your head. He chuckled. "Refrigerate them overnight!"

"Shouldn't I just eat them all at once? I thought you said they're better fresh," he said, you blushed.

"This is different!"

"I know, just messing with you," he winked, making your heart skip a beat.

He's cute

Unwrapping the lollipop with one hand, he shoved it in his mouth and tossed it into the trash, then turned around, "see you next time."

You waved, "thanks for shopping here, bye!"

He turned back around suddenly making you stop. His eyes were warm and he had a small, soft smile on his face, "thank you for your umbrella."

You couldn't help but grin, "no problem! Until next time, mister!"

He waved goodbye with his back turned towards you and walked through the door. Your heart was still racing and your face flushed. Oh, you were already looking forward to your next encounter.

~ end

BONUS

Gojo glanced at the receipt while munching on a mochi he had gotten from your bakery. Then it hit him and he practically choked on the dessert. He sat up quickly to cough out.

Looking at the receipt once again, he wasn't hallucinating... you gave him everything... half off.

He couldn't help but smile and flop back down on his bed. You were going to be the death of him.

more to come

___

Gege was asked, "since Gojo is aware of his good looks doesn't he want a lover?" and Gege responded with, "I don't see gojo being sincere to a particular woman"

it was translated as, "I don't see Gojo settling down with a particular women."

what he actually meant by that is- he doesn't see Gojo letting himself become vulnerable with a women.

but, I also 100% think Gojo would be a whore too yknow

so this is all about Gojo letting himself become vulnerable with you.

I promise that Gojo will turn back to his normal hyper self!

The thing is, I don't always see Gojo as a energetic chaotic person. He has moments where he's calm, he talks when he needs to/wants to, but he's also pretty hyper and funny when he wants to be

SO he's going to be pretty chill in my writing with energetic moments

[9800sblog]

Pick a card tarot reading - which TV show and movie are you and your friends in?

can be your next friendgroup too!

-> let's talk about your dynamics with others and the contexts you and your friends are inserted; do you have a potential lover in your friendgroup? can you identify who is your closest friend there? what are the possible next events? which TV show and movie would you love to watch right now?

-> this is exclusively my interpretation of what tarot cards showed me through energy reading, I could be wrong, take only what you think makes sense to you and message me if you have any questions! ^^

let's get into it!!!!

pick your pile

from up to down: Pile 1 (The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You - My Chemical Romance), Pile 2 (Flashing Lights - Kanye West, Dwele), Pile 3 (Would've, Could've, Should've - Taylor Swift)

Pile 1

South Park and Harry Potter

the existence of your group in itself is odd, you're all totally different, but share something in common that bonds you. your group follows some sort of structure, likely meeting at school everyday and/or living nearby each other and have been/will be together during your formative years (childhood and teen years). you will always see these people as your home, even if just through nostalgia, you go through unimaginable adversities together. you resolve problems with unkindness and you always get away with stuff. overall, lots of people don't like y'all because you're all self absorbed, but someone in the group specifically, probably the "leader", thinks they're somehow special and that drives outsiders crazy. your group is the outcasts who think they are popular and are given special treatment from people in power. you guys dare to be different and act the way your intuition says to act, you're not worried about acting the way you're expected or "supposed" to act because you think people like that are dumb, you have childlike souls. your intentions are pure and you're just trying to live your life with fun and without worry, if anyone gets in the way of that, a fight is sure to happen. this group is totally platonic.

Pile 2

The Good Place and The Craft

this is my spiritual friend group! you hang out to practice things, you're a team, this might be a literal sports team working on their team spirit. the leader of this group is a liar! I wouldn't trust them. this group doesn't or hasn't worked well together because people are/were acting selfishly; secrets, gossips and arguments, the minute you guys identify and end the manipulations, this team will be stronger than ever! happy individuals and an unbreakable bond. of course it won't be easy! there is so much hard work required, many discussions and ugly endings, but teamwork is the dream work. this might require you to kick someone out. you guys have a spiritual connection, work on being better people for your own selves and you'll have a revolutionary relationship, life-changing stuff that will help many others.

Pile 3

The Office and Clueless

brought together by the most soul crushing responsibilities, you guys work so well together because you respect each other's individuality. you make everyday life fun by exploring different outcomes of boring events, you don't wanna be stuck where you are so you try to push each other to go out of their comfort zones and y'all pretty imature when you're together! your work may be mediocre but who cares? it doesn't matter! you follow your passions in other ways anyways, these are just annoying obligations. your connections are fulfilling and make you happy, you find comfort in them, you're so similar, yet so different, with different backgrounds and stories. you may find that romance you've been dreaming of in your friend group!! best friends to lovers :D (please don't date your "ex" step brother)

[thedo0zyslider]

At their happiest - 5k Words

Starclan cats look how they did when they were happiest in life. Jayfeather doesn't notice his own ghost's form until his mother points it out to him.

Tw: death, grief

Jayfeather lays down one day, and feels incredibly tired. When he mentions it to his apprentice, Alderheart just calls him an old badger, and says it because he's still working, even when he long should've retired to the elders den. "

This is different." Jayfeather insists, frowning. He knows this type of tiredness isn't the same. It feels different, somehow.

"It's probably fine-" His apprentice said, flicking his tail dismissively. You think, that as a medicine cat, he know to listen when cats tell him something is wrong. Jayfeather thought he trained this furball better than that!

"I'm gonna die soon, Alderheart." He says, maybe a little too matter-of-factly. But, Jayfeather doesn't know any other was he was supposed to deliver the news. He was never one for letting cats down slowly.

"Don't say that." Alderheart says, his amber eyes going wide. He looks scared, understandably so. It's njt every day some cat tells you they're going to die.

"But I'm right." Jayfeather mews, he knows he's right. Alderheart knows he's right. Jayfeather's not often wrong about things like this. It's always been his least favorite medicine cat skill. Intuition.

Alderheart sighs, and presses his muzzle against his old mentors cheek. "I know." The older tom isn't even dead yet, and there's already such sadness in his mew.

"I'll stay here as long as I can." Jayfeather promises quietly. He knows he will miss his apprentice greatly when he gets to Starclan, almost as much as the ginger tom will grieve for him. He wants to spend as much time with Alderheart as he can, before it happens. Maybe it will help, make Jayfeather miss him less.

"Thank you." Alderheart says, and lays down next to his mentor for one of the last times.

___________________________________

He goes to visit his brother in the elders den the next day, nosing his way through the entrance. It took him longer than it used too, his senses having dulled as he aged. But Jayfeather got used to it.

"Jayfeather." Lionblaze purrs, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. He's the only elder in the den right now. Good. This isn't a conversation for anyone else to hear. "Why have you come to visit little ole me?"

"I think I'm going to leave you soon." He says, settling down in the same nest as his littermate. Lionblaze, still a big hunk of fur in his old age, scoots over for him.

"Don't say that!" Lionblaze snaps, eyes wide. Jayfeather knew it would upset his brother when he told him. He didn't want to upset Lionblaze, to leave him on edge for days; waiting and fearing the moment for when his littermate would die. But he couldn't just not say anything either.

He's just glad he can no longer feel the fear or grief of whatever emotion is currently rolling around inside his brother. That would've made all this worse.

"I can hear them calling, Lion." Jayfeather says, flicking his ears to the right. Starclan's been speaking to him far too much for his liking, even if he can barely hear what they're saying. Bluestar is going on about something right now, actually, but it is easy to drown her out. "Yellowfang's being awfully annoying with all her muttering."

"Didn't they call to Dove before she went?" Lionblaze says, recalling what Dovewing had told her. It was the last time they saw her, the last gathering she ever went too. She had said voices were calling to her, voices of the long dead. She heard her parents, Rowankit, Rippletail, cats who had fallen in the Great Battle, and voices of countless Clanmates. From Shadowclan and Thunderclan alike.

Back then, Jayfeather had just found it unsettling. Maybe a sign of trouble to come, perhaps the stars sending them a warning, even. Lionblaze had just thought it weird, an old cat's imagination acting up. With hindsight, both of them should've said their goodbyes to Dovewing and made her see Ivypool again.

They were invited to her burial merely a few days later. Her sister had been inconsolable. Lionblaze hadn't spoken a word to anybody. Jayfeather was in one of the worst moods he'd ever been in for the next fortnight.

The medicine cat didn't like thinking about Dovewing, the warning signs, her death, and the fallout afterwards. So he didn't. Not until now, when the same thing was happening to him.

If where any other cat, one not star touched, all of this would be terrifying rather than comforting. It still is a little scary, to be honest, but not as much as it could've been.

"They did, for a week or so." Jayfeather mewed. Bluestar's voice was gone now. She must’ve figured out he wouldn't be listening. "Must be because we're the prophecy kits."

"If I have to hear Crowfeather, or Starclan forbid Berrynose, whispering in my ear, I might just jump into the lake." Lionblaze snorts, shuddering at the thought of both of those things happening. His brother's tail twitches in amusement. He doesn’t think Berrynose would be that bad. Not at first, anyways.

"You'll probably get Crowfeather, or Brambleclaw. I'm getting either one or both of them." Jayfeather mews. It had been hard to tell which one of his father's had been speaking amongst all the voices, but one of them had been there. He hoped it was Brambleclaw's. "Leafpool's voice has been there too."

"Who else?" Lionblaze asks, clearly curious. And probably wanting some hints on his own Starclan voices will eventually be. Even though Jayfeather's sure they're all gonna get different cats, with a few expectations.

"Briarlight. And Poppyfrost." Jayfeather listens for voices again as he speaks, to see if he can hear anyone new. It seems they are being oddly silent. Maybe Starclan can recognize the importance of this conversation, and had decided to shut up for once.

Lionblaze pauses before asking his next question, voice a but shaky. Jayfeather already knows what it is before he even says it. "No Holly?"

"Not yet. But she might be waiting 'till I get there." He says, letting a sigh escape him. He wishes his sister was there, whispering nonsense in his ear instead of some medicine cat he never met. Her voice would certainly be a lot more welcome.

"That sounds like her." Lionblaze rumbles, a soft smile flashing across his face. Hollyleaf was never one for toying with cats. "But I want you here for a little bit longer."

"I'll try to stay." Jayfeather promises, the second time he's done so, as Lionblaze rests his big stupid head on his brothers back. The promise means as much hear as it did with Alderheart.

"Good." The golden tom mumbles, relieved, voice muffled when he hides his face in his brother's pelt. "I don't wanna be haunted just yet."

"Ha! I'm gonna haunt your tail off!" Jayfeather laughs, cuffing his brother affectionately. The medicine cat is already planning his haunting methods, and what stuff would scare his brother best.

"I'll have some good stories for the kits then!" Lionblaze purrs, probably guessing exactly how his brothers gonna haunt his tail off. It'll still be a successful haunting despite that.

"Oh you bet you will!" Jayfeather snorts, resting his head on his paws. It'll be nice to spend one last afternoon, curled up next to his littermate like they were just kits again.

___________________________________

All his family are there when it happens, the closest to him awkwardly shoved in the medicine den together; while the a few more cats linger outside, waiting to enter. Jayfeather insisted most of them didn't have to come, that he would be more than fine with only Lionblaze and Squirrelstar and Alderheart. They all insisted otherwise right back, and hovered around anyways.

Lionblaze lays next to him the whole time, stuck to him like a burr in his pelt. Jayfeather doesn't mind. He wishes he could've curled around Hollyleaf like this when she died, and knows his brother does too. He will let the golden tabby have this, for the very last time.

"I'm gonna miss you, Jay." He mutters, head buried in his brothers fur. He sounds like he's about to cry, even when Jayfeather specifically asked him to cry afterwards, when he won't know about it. He doesn't like seeing cats cry, especially not over him.

"I know you will." Jayfeather rubs his cheek against Lionblaze's temple, taking in his scent for the last time. He's gonna miss this idiot more than he thought. "Insult Breezepelt for me, will you?"

"Of course." His brother lets out a weak purr at his last request, then starts to list off his own requests for their dead friends in Starclan. Because of course he had some. "Tell Berrynose he still sucks, and Cinderheart-"

"I'll tell Cinderheart you miss her." Jayfeather snorts, amused. He was going to do that anyways, weather Lionblaze asked him or not. He'd be a pretty lackluster brother and brother-in-law if he didn't.

Alderheart sits infornt of him, tail wrapped over his paws. He looks like his world is ending. Jayfeather told him to stop looking like that, he was only dying! Alderheart would still see him at half moon meetings! His former apprentice, clearly, was still a horrible listener.

He flicks his tail, beckoning Alderheart even closer. The ginger tom blinks at him, and shuffles himself closer uncertainly. Jayfeather resists the urge to say something snappy about it. Now doesn't feel like the time.

"It'll be okay, kid." He mutters, touching his nose to Alderheart's. His apprentice is trembling with grief infront of him. Jayfeather wishes that dying didn't have to be so sad.

Alderheart's voice trembles, his mew sadder than Jayfeather has ever heard it aound before. It makes his heart break, just a little bit. (More like a lot...) "How am I gonna-?"

"You're gonna be a great medicine cat without me. You already are." Jayfeather tells him, like he's told him a million times already. He's seen Alderheart heal for moons and moons now, he knows he'll be a great medicine cat without his mentor. He already is. Maybe even better than Jayfeather himself one day.

Alderheart moves back with a shaky nod, letting the next cat come to visit their dying loved on. He sits where Leafpool's nest once was. Right across from Jayfeather's..

His sister, Sparkpelt, is next to him, one if the cats Jayfeather said didn't need to be here. He was never that close with his adopted sister after all. But she had come anyways. If not for him, then at least for her mother and brother.

Sparkpelt starts to cover her brother in comforting licks, muttering sift words to him while she does so. Alderheart just nods stiffly at her. He doesn't say anything for the rest of the day.

Ivypool, another cat he'd told not to come, sits bext to Sparkpelt. Her head is bowed. She does not say anything, and cannot look at Jayfeather. He wonders if she's hear for herself, or because Dovewing can't be.

Thunderclan's leader is next to say her goodbyes, gently pushing past her kits. She sits down infront of Jayfeather, right where Alderheart had. He gets the impression that unlike her son, his leader will not be leaving his side.

"My kit." Squrrielstar murmurs, pressing her forehead against Jayfeather's. There is such a deep sadness in her voice, a sadness he has heard before. The kind that comes with losing a kit. He feels bad he is making his adopted mother live through yet another loss, but it cannot be helped.

His mother lays next to him, on the opposite side of Lionblaze. She doesn't say anything else. Jayfeather finds he cannot speak either. Leaving Squirrelstar, and being yet another one of her countless losses, has made him too choked up.

Hollytuft and Sorrelstripe enter the den next, the two cats he had kitsitted so many moons ago. Their younger sister, Spotfur, sits at the den entrance. He had told these three they didn't need to come see him. But they'd done it anyways. His family were all horrible listeners.

He's just glad the whole extended family didn't show up, that would've been far too many cats for anyone to handle on their deathbed. Especially for a cat like Jayfeather.

Hollytuft sits in front of him, Sorrelstripe on her other side. Jayfeather is going to tell Hollyleaf and Sorreltail everything about these two, even the stuff they already know. He doesn't need to tell Ferncloud anything. She's already met Fernsong. She already knows.

After many long moons, and with all his family finally beside him, Jayfeather closes his eyes for the very last time. And the last thing he feels in the living world is his brother purring steady, and his mother licking his ears as he goes. (It was the first thing he heard back as a tiny kit, too, in that old treestump in leaf-bare. It makes the whole process a lot more comforting.)

When he next opens his eyes, Jayfeather still cannot see anything. But his nose and ears feel as sharp just as they used too. So that's an improvement.

There's pawsteps bounding towards him, ones he knows well. Hearing them makes Jayfeather come to his sense faster. He hasn't heard those pawsteps in so long, he thought he would never hear them again-

"Jayfeather!" His sister calls, her voice sounding like music to his ears. It has been so long since he'd seen her, since Hollyleaf was never a spirt who liked to dream-walk. Not after her brother's powers. But that just made this reunion all the more special.

"Hollyleaf!" He yells back, right as a body crashes into him. The black she-cat sends them with tumbling to the ground in her excitement, giggling as she does so. Jayfeather cannot help the purr that escapes him, burying his muzzle in her soft black fur. He had missed his littermate so much, more than words could describe. It felt wonderful to finally be with her again

"I missed you." He says, hiding his face in her pelt like he did when he was a kit, scared of the too loud thunderstorms outside the nursery. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too." Hollyleaf says, purring still. Jayfeather can't remember when he last saw her this happy, when she last purred this much. But he didn't care. His sister was finally with him again, and that was all that mattered.

"Don't keep him all to yourself!" A voice calls, and Jayfeather's head shoots up. He almost can't believe that he's hearing her speak again. It can't be. It has to be. This is Starclan. It literally couldn't be anyone else but her.

"Briarlight!" He says, getting to his paws so quickly, he almost falls right down again. Hollyleaf lets him go with one last purr, most likely planning to steal him away once everyone else has said their hellos. And she can steal him away all she wants, but only after he sees her again.

"Jayfeather! I missed you so much!" Briarlight purrs, dragging herself towards. Jayfeather skidds to a halt infront of her, taking in her scent once again. Her scent, that no longer smells like the sickness that had taken her, and now holds the scent if Starclan's hunting grounds.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you, I'm so sorry-" Jayfeather whispers, pressing his muzzle against her cheek. Guilt chokes him even now, just as it had done since the day she died. If only he hadn't gone in the nursery with the sickness, if he'd just-

Briarlight cuts her old friend off, before he can keep apologizing for all eternity. "Hush. It was never your fault, silly."

Jayfeather moves back a bit, wanting to protest. But he stops himself. The look Briarlight is giving him, although he can't see it, is burning into his pelt. If he keeps blaming himself, she's probably going to smack him with her tail.

"Don't stand here saying sorry to me, not when you have other cats waiting to see you!" Briarlight continues, and two familiar scents hit Jayfeather's nose. Two more cats he'd missed dearly, and wished to meet again every single day. Seeing them now is almost like whiplash.

"Leafpool! Brambleclaw!" He calls, and before he knows it his mother and foster father are both curling around him joyfully. For once, he doesn't scowl at the affection they give. He's gone far too long without it to do that.

"Oh, my kit!" Leafpool rubs her cheek against her son's, purring louder than he's ever heard her purr before. Jayfeather gives in, and purrs alongside her. He had missed his mother more than he ever knew he would, just as much as he had missed his late sister.

"I've missed you." Brambleclaw rumbled to his right, and Jayfeather pressed himself against his father, burying his muzzle into dark tabby fur. Leafpool moved away to let them have their own moment, her amber eyes shining with enough love to fill the whole lake.

Poppyfrost is next to meet him, a loud purr coming from her throat. "There you are! You big furball!" She calls out, running to her friend's side. Jayfeather knows that stars must look beautiful in her calico pelt.

"Poppyfrost!" He exclaims, moving away from his kin and touching noses with her. "How have you been? And Honeyfern and Mousewhisker and Hazeltail-" Jayfeather asks about the cats they grew up with, most of them and their littermates having passed on already. He'd missed them more than he thought he would, missed sharing jokes and stories from their days as apprentices and young warriors, missed making references only they could understand. The Clan got lonelier and lonelier the less often he was able to turn to an old dennmate, and laugh at some stupid inside joke.

"They're all doing wonderfully." She assures him, sounding happier. A lot happier than she had ever sounded in life, especially after Honeyfern and Molepaw and Berrynose's deaths.

"Good." Jayfeather mews, touching his old friend's nose one last time. Then she moves away, letting the rest if his deceased kin come and visit him in her place.

Firestar and Sandstorm get to him eventually, both warriors drowning their grandson in affection. Jayfeather is too happy to see them to complain. He hasn't seen Sandstorm in moons, and Firestar longer. They bring with them Dandelionkit and Juniperkit, the two adopted siblings he couldn't save, and the kits run around his legs excitedly. Jayfeather purrs upon meeting them again, glad they are doing well in Starclan.

Once his family starts to file out, Hollyleaf behins to drag him away. She is excited to show him around Starclan's hunting grounds, and spend some much needed time with her youngest brother. Time that they did not have together in life, time that was stolen away from them. He is looking forward to spending time with his sister too, but not so much the exploring part. He hoped Starclan wouldn't be too tricky to learn his way around-

"Jayfeather." A gruff voice says, stopping him before he can follow his littermate into the starry field. Jayfeather stops, and turns back around. He knows that voice.

"Crowfeather." He greets his father with a nod. It has been many moons since he'd seen the gray Windclan tom. Jayfeather hadn't even gone to his burial. There was no reason for him to. And there was no reason for them to be any closer now.

Being dead changed nothing about their relationship, and he hoped Crowfeather wasn't expecting anything like that to happen. Because it wouldn't. He would have to wait for Lionblaze to have any luck in that department.

But instead of saying anything stupid, or sentimental, his father just dips his head. "Welcome to Starclan, son." He mews, and then steps away.

"Thank you." Jayfeather says, dipping his head in return. And that is that, Hollyleaf promptly ignoring their father and starting her tour of Starclan's territory. She promises to show him all the good spots to sun himself, and to introduce him to all the kits. Jayfeather doesn't think he could've had a better welcome into the afterlife.

___________________________________

"You know you can see if you wish too, don't you?" Yellowfang asks on his second day (or what Jayfeather thinks is his second day,) lounging in a rock next to him.

"Yes. But I don't want too." He says, still relaxed in the sun. Jayfeather had been blind all his life, only seeing in dreams and when he used his powers. The powers he'd lost moons ago, and the dreams he'd stopped having as he aged, and Alderheart took on more and more of his former role. Jayfeather had lived practically his whole life without seeing, it was normal for him. He was used to it, his body and mind where used to it. Suddenly being able to see everything now would probably just be more of a hindrance than anything.

"Besides, I've seen enough of your face already." He adds a minute later, not missing an opportunity to tease the old she-cat next to him.

Yellowfang laughs at that, a real, genuine one, and tells Jayfeather she missed their bantering. And for once, he couldn't agree with the old badger more.

___________________________________

He finds Dovewing quicker that expected, tracking her down on his second day. And tracking someone down in Starclan wasn't too hard. All you had to do was ask around. There were so many cats here, someone was bound to point you in the right direction eventually.

"You didn't greet me. What's with that." Jayfeather mews when he finds the gray she-cat, Dovewing sunning herself on some rocks. Hollyleaf had called this place Sunning Rocks on her tour, or something like that. "I thought we were friends or something."

"There were so many cats already!" Doevwing mews, jerking her head towards him. She must’ve been expecting him then. That, or Jayfeather was being as loud as a badger on his way here. "I didn't wanna steal anyone's moment!"

"You would've been welcomed, mouse-brain." He huffs, nudging her side with a paw lightly. "To make up for it you have to greet Lionblaze with me."

"That's fair." Dovewing yawns, shifting her position so that she gets even more sun. Get anymore than that, and Jayfeather thinks she'll be lighting her own fur on fire. "How is that old badger anyways?"

"Annoying as ever." Jayfeather snorts, flopping down on the rock next to her. He thinks Lionblaze will be annoying until the day he dies, and then when he gets up here as well.

"I expected nothing less." Dovewing purrs, resting her head on her paws comfortably, and then yawning one more time as the sun warmed her pelt. "And Ivypool?"

"Ivy's doing well. She's been muttering about retiring soon." Jayfeather says, remembering how the deputy had been complaining about her old, creaking bones and how she just wasn't young anymore. He had just laughed, and told her to toughen up a bit. Ivypool had retorted that he talked big for a cat who belonged in the elders den.

"Good," Dovewing puffs, Jayfeather atrechong out rigjt next to her, more than content to sit and enjoy the sun with an old friend. "She needs it."

___________________________________

"Hey, Jayfeather!" Berrynose's voice calls, the cream tom finding him in his first week of wandering Starclan. "Long time no see!"

"Berrynose." Jayfeather kews, faux exasperation in his tone. He turns to where his clanmates voice came from, feeling a rush of wind as the other tom stops beside him. "I see your still annoying as ever."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Berrynose jokes, the stub of his tail flicking playfully. Well, at least even he agrees he's annoying now.

"Lionblaze says you still suck, by the way." Jayfeather says, remembering what his brother had requested. He's sure Lionblaze will repeat the very same thing when he gets up here, whenever that is.

"Oh, of course he does!" Berrynose snorts, and rolls his eyes goid naturedly. "When he gets up here-"

"Where's Cinderheart?" Jayfeather cuts his friend off, remembering his brother's other request. Another thing Lionblaze will repeat when he gets up here, but something he'd been jn more trouble for forgetting than the Berrynose message.

"I think she was this way!" The cream tom says, getting to his paws once more. And he probably points to wherever this way is too, like Jayfeather could see that. "Hazeltail and Honeyfern are nearby too!"

"What about Mousewhisker?" He asks, noticing how he's not been mentioned yet. It's weird for the white and gray tom to not be with either of his littermates, especially Hazeltail. Those two were always stuck to each other like burrs.

"He's with Minnowtail, near where the Riverclan cats hang out." Berrynose calls over his shoulder, bounding through the undergrowth.

"No surprises there." Jayfeather snorts. Mousewhisker was almost as attached to his mate as he was his twin sister. The half-clan mate everyone had figured out he had but didn't say anything. It was a miracle they both got through the whole imposter thing undetected, really.

Berrynose leads him to where Cinderheart is, the gray tabby resting near bush. Jayfeather thanks him, and then shooes the annoying cat off and tells him to go bither Honeyfern or something. Which, thankfully, during his time in Starclan, Berrynose has learned to listen. But he does give a sharp remark as he leaves. Because he wouldn't be Berrynose if he didn't.

"Jayfeather!" Cinderheart purrs in greeting, reaching out to touch noses with her old friend. "It's good to see you again."

"It's good to see you, too." Jayfeather mews, sitting down on his haunches next to her. "Lionblaze said he missed you. He really wanted me to pass that along"

"That big idiot." Cinderheart purred, fondness in her voice. She clearly missed her mate greatly, the longing for him shining through jn her face. And Jayfeather, despite only being here for little while, was starting to feel the same. It was the longest he's ever gone without his big brother by his side..

The two of them sit there, chatting for a little while. But Cinderheart gets restless. Jayfeather isn't expecting anything less. She was always too excited and rambunctious for her own good, especially in their younger days. Said rambunctious energy had also landed her in the medicine den too many times for him to count. She never listened to him, or Leafpool and Alderheart, when they said to calm it down.

"Ya know, there's a stream nearby." Cinderheart says, sounding mischievous again. He'd gotten so used to her as an elder, and her bones being as old as half the trees in the forest, he'd forgotten how much of a trouble maker his sister-in-law could be.

"What are suggesting?" Jayfeather mews, whiskers twitching. He knows exactly what she's suggesting.

"How about we take a swim? Like the good ole days?" Cinderheart bumps his shoulder with hers playfully, already padding off towards the aforementioned stream before Jayfeather can even get to his paws.

Jayfeather takes a moment to think, then shrugs. "Why not." He's in Starclan now. He can do whatever he wants here. No one can yell at him for going swimming anymore, and he certainly can't drown. Not in Starclan, at least.

Cinderheart let's out a whoop of joy, and starts heading towards the stream. Jayfeather gets to his paws, and manages to race her all the way there, the whole forest clearing the path for both of them.

___________________________________

"You know....Starclan cats look like themselves at their happiest." Leafpool says one day. The two of them are resting under the shade of a great oak tree, one his mother said looked like the Owl Tree; a landmark from the old forest territories. Jayfeather, never knowing what an Owl Tree was, just nodded along with her words.

"And?" He mews, expecent. Leafpool knows hr knows this, it's been told to him many times in dreams before. He just doesn't know she she brought it up out of the blue.

"Nothing it's just....the way you look." His mother says, looking at him softly. Jayfeather goes to flick his tail in annoyance, then stops.

"...How do I look?" He asks hesitantly, a little scared of the awnser. The medicine cat wasn't quite sure when he had been the happiest in his life, though he had some pretty good guesses. Chances are that none of them were right.

"Like you did the day Hollyleaf came home." Leafpool breathes. She sounds like just the memory of that day, of seeing her precious daughter again, can still take her breath away.

Jayfeather pricks his ears, and blinks. Well, thats an awnser he hadn't been expecting. How could she know what he looked like on one specific day out of the hundreds he'd lived? "How can you tell?"

"Well, there's less gray on your muzzle. You didn't have any gray fur at all, back then." His mother mews, her amber eyes sweeping over him, studying him. "Your scars less faded, too."

"Oh. I never knew it faded." Jayfeather mumbles, unconsciously going to lick at his shoulder, tounge rasping over the scarred skin. He'd thought it had been too deep to fade.

"Yes, it did. It was still visible in your later years, but it had faded quite a bit." Leafpool mutters, and then her words trail off. Like she is trying to find other ways he looked different on that day specifically. Jayfeather doesn't think she's going to find much more. Not unless his stripes had changed without anybody telling him!

"That's just...small differences like that." She mews eventually. Jayfeather believes her, even if you just do it's not the strongest reason. "Firestar and Sandstorm said they see it too."

"Well, I guess that was the happiest day of my life." Jayfeather snorts. And, when he thinks on it more, he struggles to find a memory happier than the one of his sister coming home. Even with all the other emotions tangled within it.

Leafpool nods her head in agreement. "It was mine too."

[golden--doodler]

Building off my post about Gene's Christmas Break from last night, I think every time Gene gets discouraged about music, it's super interesting and should be explored more in the show. I think the first example is in The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee and is probably the most interesting time this happened. Especially his song about how he didn't need music anymore, even though he clearly still enjoyed it and didn't want to let it go. He still wanted to play but felt like no one would want to hear him anymore ): This shows that when Gene faces negativity, he questions himself, and is willing to try to redefine himself to try to make people like him. It hurts my heart.

Another time he got discouraged about his music was in the movie when he actually discouraged himself by imagining a scenario where an alien robot came and complained about his music. It wasn't as big as in The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee, and I think there should've been more time devoted to this subplot, but it was still interesting how conflicted he felt about his music and how other people think of it. He loves music so much, but he doesn't want to bother people, and that makes me want to run up and hug him.

It was also interesting how this episode claimed Gene only knows a few chords and doesn't enjoy taking formal music lessons. I think this could be because he has to play the same thing over and over again, and the rigid routine one has to adhere to while taking lessons probably made him feel suffocated. He is a free spirit like Linda, after all. But despite only knowing how to play a few chords and lessons not being for him, he still manages to make absolute bangers like Electric Love and Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl. I also assume he was the one who wrote I Want Some Burgers and Fries.

You're telling me, they're claiming Gene only knows a few chords when he wrote something like this?

It makes me wonder how Gene manages to pull this off. Does he just have a really good ear/intuition for music, which allows him to write incredible songs despite only knowing a few chords? If so, that is insanely impressive. Is his passion alone enough for him to write these high-quality songs with his limited knowledge? Does he get some extra help for some parts of these marvelous songs he's written thus far?

Well, despite all of that, Gene's musical abilities are still top-tier in my book. Even if he only knows how to play a few chords, the boy's got some serious talent. What makes me sad is that he doesn't really think he does. In Gift Card or Buy Trying, an episode I've already mentioned a couple times, he says his friend Mitchell is just like him, while also saying Mitchell "can't really play music if we're being honest". So, he genuinely still thinks of himself as untalented in some way! He really needs some more reassurance.

[barbie-gurls-world]

I really need to respect my boundaries. I'm a mess. I keep justifying how I did manage to respect my boundaries, but I realise that I didn't do enough for myself. I was waiting for 2 hours (because I finally put a cap on it) for a meetup, not minding the potential hassle of a 10-km commute back home, only to be told that the meetup would have to be cut short. I tried to be kind, but I should've been kinder to myself. I kept bringing up the raincheck in the context of an agreement, but I should have brought it up for myself, not minding how the person i was to meet would respond. I suppose it was my intuition warning me of setting myself up for disappointment.

I don't mind going great lengths for my people, I really don't. I'm crying as I type this, because I remember how he called last night as I was in my ride home, to tell me how he felt bad about making me wait and waste my time. I held back tears as he apologised. Looking back, I wasn't speaking much during our time in the café... He kept asking me if anything's the matter, if anything's wrong, but I couldn't really tell him, couldn't look at him much, because I couldn't put a finger on it at that time.

You know what it seemed like? I remembered how my nephew rushed cooking beef Stroganoff because he already defrosted the meat and he had to go out for something. The result? Meat so tough you needed kitchen shears to manage them. It wasn't an enjoyable meal so it had to be salvaged by boiling the meat again. The meetup wasn't exactly a planned one but I wish I didn't feel taken for granted.

I'm always one to think of the other person, and me waiting for two hours was definitely me being considerate. If I knew beforehand what I was waiting for then perhaps he and I didn't have to go through such disappointment. I suppose I didn't know what I was waiting for because there wasn't really a plan. I was initially waiting for an hour-long meeting to end so he and i could "meet up", then probably discuss where to eat and spend the rest of the time, but his meeting dragged on, and when we did meet (he arrived 10 minutes later than the time cap i imposed) he had to tell me first of all that he couldn't stay long and would need to rush back. The convo was flat, he was (is) courteous, but he and I felt that something was off.

I don't want to feel like shit, but here I am feeling shitty. Perhaps this is what I get for always containing my emotions. This is what happens when I try to put a semblance of control over things. My feelings explode and go all over the place and I'm a big mess. Maybe I'll feel better later. Of course, I will. I've let it all out now.

Note to self: Think of yourself and your boundaries. Express yourself, respect yourself.

[jellyfish-romance]

Hello, how are you? May i participate in your latest game please? I'm C, sun, sag, moon aries, rising scorpio, she/her.

My situation was as follows - I once had to let go of an opportunity at work for long-term relocation abroad. It is my deepest desire to settle permanently overseas, I don't know where, but certainly not here in my birth country where I quite literally relate to nothing. I'm not close to my biological family and I don't have any significant other, I don't have any shared intestine with anyone here, I'm a loner, always have been. So it's not really like I'm leaving anything important behind. And when this opportunity came, i willingly backed out of it. From my end, one of the major reasons was that i had already decided to leave that job, infact that entire career stream (I'm on a work break since then). I was done. And while I hated my work and my work environment, but I cannot deny the fact that it was indeed a golden opportunity, one that very few people get. Infact i had been working for many, many years and nothing of the sorts ever happened to me, but right when I was about to hand in my resignation this opportunity came to me. But, after yearsss of deliberation and lots of mental turmoil, saving up on finances and clearing out debt, I had finally made up my mind to leave that career. I could not back out now coz it's very difficult for me to reach any significant decision. A secret reason for my refusal was that despite me wanting to settle abroad, i suffer from extreme social anxiety due to which i find new environments very triggering. Just the thought of being in an unknown environment, with new work, new kind of people, all alone, was very scary.

So my question is, now that all is done and dusted, is there something that I didn't see then? Did I really miss out on a great opportunity or was my refusal a blessing in disguise?

Regarding your situation - Intuitively I feel that there is a very serious lack of communication between both of you. It almost feels like you both know what the other person's feelings are about each other or about the situation that is going on. But because you guys haven't put it into words, it's causing internal turmoil. I feel like one or both of you have been thinking about the other a lot, maybe both of you are thinking about each other. Whether those are happy thoughts or not, I can't say. But i feel there is a lot that is not communicated to each other. And, this lack of open talk is causing confusion of some sorts. It feels like you or him are afraid to put your thoughts into words coz you guys feel that you're not clear on what you wanna say to the other. But the longer you wait, the more confusing it gets. I would suggest to just start with one sentence and then eventually see how it leads.

Thanks a lot for this opportunity 🙏. Hugely appreciate it 🙏

hello!

Firstly I love your question, it's like a little letter.

Thank you for the exchange. I'll soon reach out to him again.

I have to say, it was a good offer and my guides are saying you should've treasured it; nope not chiding you whatsoever, but just saying you were blessed, and you will continue to be blessed if you follow what your parents, angels and guides (from above) tell you what to do. In fact, I feel you are blessed by Christianity or Catholicism or some sort of Western religion in terms of your job.

So it is more of having to do with your gratitude rather than the participation of accepting the opportunity if that makes sense. I got Death, so there was something that ended (?). Or felt stagnant or unmoving in your offer, and I'm getting you felt it some way or another. In fact, I'm getting a little defensive vibe from someone, like a higher-up (boss) who might have felt.. Scared (?) of you. I'm getting this is more.. In the feelings area than material. Like friendship. You might have known it would've caused issues in your security (you might've felt attacked).

I think it could've helped you move forward too. As well as you would've given to the company emotionally.

Whether it was a blessing in disguise or a great opportunity or both, I feel you already feel the answer. Lastly, just an advice, I think you should make decisions based on where your heart is.

Leave feedback please!

[emailsicannotsend]

I was showering this afternoon, weirdly not hurried to get out like always. I don't hurry because I don't like it in there. Quite the contrary, actually. I like the solitude so much that I usually lose track of time, keeping the bathroom occupied for longer than convenient for the rest of the people wherever I am at the time.

I took my time today. And during it, every thought I had last night that I postponed for today resurfaced like it was carried by the water I was pouring over my head, like my conscience was holding me to my promise.

This is for you. Things I want to have told you a long time ago now but couldn't. It's not that serious, I know. So they say. So he says. My mind cannot be convinced. I lied to you when I said I didn't want you moving in because there's going to be such a remarkable hike in the partying. That I can't be living with three boys, already struggling with two. Please trust me, you're not even my least favorite of the three. But you know this, don't you? You know that was a lie. Do you also know what the truth is? I find it hard to believe if you tell me you haven't seen this coming since the very beginning.

He knows. All of it. Well, most of it. He's very observant in that I find I have to watch myself around him, just in case I accidentally let him onto something I'm trying to keep to myself. I thought I owed him certain information since I saw it coming, I could feel how charged his words were despite their literal content. I should've done something to stop him, should've listened to my intuition but I succumbed to the need to close my mind to thoughts of you. It was exhausting. I needed to stop the torturing cusses I was throwing at myself. It took me weeks upon weeks to finally convince myself that I hadn't known. How could I have known? You never said a thing. At the time, I believed I would never have let you anywhere in a 3 feet radius around me.

He knew there was somebody. He didn't know who, but I think your name was the first he thought of when I told him what happened. He pushed me to reveal who it was, regardless of my constant begging him to not hold me in a headlock about it. I was fully sure that the second he knew, he'd throw me out like a shade. I voiced this sometimes, that I was scared of breaking a friendship that was already hanging by a thread, that he'd hate me. In the dark of the night, he told me one day, "I know." "What do you know?" "Everything."

It's because he knows that I can't have you there. He can't have you there. He loses his mind when you're around, even if it's only a few days every few months. I would've chalked this up to male fragility had I not hated every breathing second of those few hours of casually dining with the girl he used to like. Despite four other people being there, she was all I could see, her voice was all I could hear. I was mentally singing Jolene in my head the entire time, because, how could I ever compare? But here's the thing. I never liked you. Not like that. I still feel like you never quite got this down. Was it good for your ego to tell yourself and everybody else that I was chasing after you? That I would never leave you alone, and asked to live with you because I was oh so obsessed with you? Get over yourself.

I didn't want to say no to you, I didn't have it in me to say no to you. I asked him to tell our roommate to take it upon himself because you aren't friends with him, and he's good at saying no, unlike me. I would've caved in if he didn't not-very-subtly told me he'd hate it if you were there. I was scared to not agree with him because he was dangerously flirting with the line of whether or not he should accuse me of wanting you there. I didn't know what would set him off, a look on my face, something I'd say, or his own mind. He said he'd be embarrassed to co-exist with you if you knew he knew. I lowkey want to tell you, but this will continue, and I'll still have a secret to keep: I can't tell him I told you. It's easier to lie to you than to him because I live with him and see him every day, being reminded every minute of this new secret. There are enough of those weighing me down on a daily basis, so many of which you do not know. Does it ruffle your feathers knowing you're one of them?

You're in love with her. It was obvious to me ten years ago, it's obvious to me now. She was once my best friend and so were you. I wish she was still, but everything feels strained right now. I wish you were still, but too much has happened. How absolutely deranged is it that you were engaged, I was tied to the guy right outside of that room, she had a boyfriend back home, and the three of us laid down like we were the best of friends? It was (still is) the most messed up moment in my entire life. Whom do I blame for this? You for eyeing me the entire night? Her for falling asleep? Myself for being drunk and dying to feel something?

I won't lie to you about wanting it. I did. The girl you loved sleeping sound right in the middle of us didn't stop you from grazing the side of my ribs, from holding my hand so tight that if I didn't know better, I would've thought you felt something for me. Not that I felt anything for you, not that I wanted you to feel anything for me either. This is me being appreciative of your capability to make a person feel anything you want them to. I try not to think about it but I don't doubt that you're aware of it, and very habitually weaponize it for a momentary benefit. It always looks by the end of it, like I jumped at the chance. I have the hardest time saying no, and you know it, don't you? I giggle when I'm uncomfortable, laugh when it's awkward, and ask obvious questions when I'm trying not to be too sure about what's happening. Come to think of it, I don't think I know how to let people down slowly, years of continuous failure should've made it extremely clear to me, but I undoubtedly shoved it all down at every new situation. But I definitely wanted it, a little or a lot, I wanted it. The only thing that voted no is the fact that we each had our own person, against everything else voting yes. A couple of years ago, nothing and nobody could add any kind of weight against my integrity, but it's a vastly different story now. I can't tell if it's for better or for worse. I facilitated myself as a punching bag for projection whenever anyone wanted an ego boost in the past and now I'm hurting people who haven't harmed me.

[haunting-of]

There were more shadows than usual, for this time of day. They were cast heavy and dark over dumpsters and trash bags, over a few doors with no handles to try, on mediocre lights that weren’t working. Danel glanced over the couple dozen windows, considering climbing some of the fire escapes to check inside.

No... If Jesha wanted to be found, he would have found them by now. He’d been searching for hours, feeling them nearby, but not even catching a glimpse of them. One question was on his mind.

What was Jesha turning into?

They’d been acting strange for a while, and not just their personality. It was the body temperature, the higher intuition, the control of external factors, how they had no need to sleep. 

None of that was a red flag for Danel, that’s just how the body operated when his demon soul was present. He was always just a little bigger than himself. He remembered from when he was human, though.

He remembered humans don’t normally have any of that, just like Jesha didn’t used to.

There was no one else around. No movement in or past the buildings. Ghosts were milling around, cold spots passing up and down the alleyway with whispers filling the air. An abnormally high concentration, indicating either a mass grave beneath his feet, or...

He looked up, between the empty, silent apartment buildings. Or it was above him.

They must still be nearby.

“Okay, so everyone's dead here," Danel started, talking no louder than a conversation. If Jesha wanted to hear, they'd hear. "I'm not judging, I just think it's something we should talk about."

Jesha faced the window and didn’t look at the still-warm body behind them. They didn't consider how they could hear them through the building, or however many storeys up they were. They were paying attention to Danel.

He wanted to talk? Now?

Jesha hadn't replied, but it sounded like someone was listening. Maybe they were in the area. “You have to stop running from me. I'm sorry I lied, but I only wanted to help you. I still only want to help you, Jesha.”

Their nose wrinkled. Since Danel had come out as a demon from hell, they'd had the chance to really reevaluate his personality. There were some things they could accept now.

So was he a demon from hell? Sure. Was he 'alive' before humans were a species? Fine. Was he smart? Looking back, with all the insight he should've had? Rarely.

And maybe he was holding back, keeping his abilities in check before. So what? He... He...

Tch, Jesha clicked their tongue. The ghosts in the room had surrounded them, and were talking too loud for them to think.

Danel jumped at the small sound, far away and behind a wall. A sinking feeling grew in his body as the ghosts in the alleyway began congregating in one spot. Jesha didn't want to be found, but those flocking ghosts made for a dead giveaway.

They were getting way too close to too many ghosts.

From inside, Jesha had fallen to the wall. They could hear Danel trying to break the bricks that separated them over the sound of the dead speaking to them, but the ghosts were starting to drown him out. Shaking, they backed away from the floor and tried to block out the noise with their hands.

Once the ghosts started talking, they just.

Didn’t.

Stop.

He leapt up to the closest fire escape ladder and climbed until he reached the window, going to open it before receiving a cold shock from touching the pane. The ghosts were blocking him out?? Not even this many of them could-

Danel realized what was happening too late.

"Jesha!!" Danel yelled, scaring birds from the rooftops. "Jesha, stop!!"

Jesha was still curled up on the wall, and now the whole room was spinning around them. The wall shook with the rhythm of a heartbeat.

They understood. Danel was scared. He’d actually been scared a lot, always keeping them away from monsters, always trying to hold all his secrets inside. He hadn't been scared of Jesha until now. 

But he didn’t know all the death they could bring. Had he ever noticed the killer incubating inside of them? Their mind was already this diseased, and it took him this long to notice? It took him this long to be afraid?

He should be scared.

The noise of the ghosts in the room weren't so loud now, or maybe they could just hear them better. They slowly uncurled on the wall. Jesha couldn’t help what had seeped in, congealing inside them. Whose fault was that, Danel? Whose fault? Jesha stood.

Danel, he fucked it up. Get away from the ghosts? What about the demon that was fucking latched onto them? Lied, instead of keeping them safe? Attracted more and more ghosts, demons, more and more trouble?

And now Jesha was changed, they decided, getting a little bit colder than before. Listening to the ghosts that were spiralling through the room, they tried their hand at controlling the way they spun.

Success. It looked like Danel wasn't superior anymore. So, fucking right he should be scared, especially since he was still an idiot.

Jesha hadn’t been running from him.

They were chasing Vincent.

[nanlanmoarchived]

Things Jessica has learned about herself in the course of this evening: She is able to be brave when she wants to be, she really likes the sound of Eddie's voice when he's half asleep, and if she could, she would have him kiss her neck all day every day. The tickle of his hair on her chest and the way his voice brushes against the curl of her ear are dangerously addictive. Not that it should've been any sort of surprise. In the time since their first little playdate he'd become her favorite person. Anything he did managed to make her smile, why would this have been any different?

His grip on her hip and the way his eyes ran over her body only cranked her heartbeat into overdrive. This was happening, they were really doing this. But then her skin is cold in the absence of his hand and the soft interjection between their lips has her brows knitting together as confusion colored her soft gaze. Had she done something wrong? Anxious embarrassment warmed her cheeks as she nodded, "I know we don't." It was the cardinal truth that made her all the more comfortable seeking Eddie out for this sort of interaction. He was handsome, yes, and silly and charismatic and all of those other things, but above all else he was kind. He was safe.

Which is why it probably shouldn't have surprised her that he'd picked up on her nervousness. He was also somewhat annoyingly intuitive at times. His joke has her laughing as her palms came to cover her face again. "I wouldn't expect anythin' less." She murmured as she rubbed at her face with a soft sigh. "I just--" Jessica shifted to prop herself up on her elbows, her nervousness only growing as she admitted, "I want to do this, I just. . . Contrary to my very bold 'sneak into his bed when he's asleep' plan, I--I don't know what to do."

The redhead swallowed hard as she quickly continued, "I just wanted my first kiss to be with someone I trusted, and then I mean--" She flushed even brighter and she prayed that little sheep kept her secret, "And then I got a little carried away."

Eddie leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the side of her neck right below her ear, before nuzzling his nose against her hear lobe and whisper, "Not a bad thing." Eddie said that in regards to her reaction to him calling her cute. Shocking to many but Eddie had been with a decent amount of women. He'd had sexy and as far as he was concerned? Cute outweighed sexy every single time.

Assumptions were constantly made about Eddie Munson. Assumptions were easy to make when he looked the way they did. While people might assume that he was into goth or metal girls, or lots of tattoos and thick dark eye shadow; he liked the more innocent looking girls. He liked cute. So having a cute girl naked beneath him was his version of Christmas morning.

The extra help in getting her shorts off was welcomed because, well Eddie could let her handle that and he pulled back a little so he can look. Can't blame a guy. He was noticing every curve he could see in the dim lighting provided by his little sheep nightlight. He loved what he saw. So much so that the hand that had been pulling her shorts and underwear down had found her hip, the exact little curve where waist meets hip and he gave it a not so gentle squeeze. The squeeze translated to fuck you're hot but somehow the squeeze seemed less aggressive although it was likely to leave a mark.

Her fingers on his jaw brought his focus back onto her face, her lips and he could almost sense her nerves as she kissed him, which is exactly whe he moved his hand off her body. "Hey." He mumbled the single word against her lips before pulling back. "We don't have to do anything." Everyone was scared of Eddie so more important than him getting off, or getting her off, was making her feel safe with him. "I'm still going to be the same pain in the ass tomorrow morning whether I make you cum or not."