#i should probably just go for it cuz it rlly doesnt matter but at the same time its like ahhh no

[kyosaya-enthusiast]

I don't know if I wanna start posting some sketches/art of other fandoms I'm in on insta...

I feel like only my irls are gonna see it cuz they already follow me and it's gonna be sssuuuperrrr embarrassing

[terraliensvent]

im NOT defending either of the old owners but smth an anon said really rubbed me the wrong way. $300 adopts will not go as far as ppl act. It wont pay rent, and may only cover groceries for a short time. In america at least, the cost of healthcare is awful, and pair that with all other living expenses u have and its near impossible to make a living off adopts. saying “i wish u were poor so u understood hardship” is really fucked up cuz u dont know their situation or what theyve been thru. they built their own followings over the years so acting like their buyers were handed to them is also rlly weird. getting another job also aint easy in this market esp if u have a legit disability. mod pls try to atleast see where im coming from w this cuz im legit uncomfortable w how this is being talked abt. u dont have to like them to agree this is fucked up to say

post related

these are fair assessments to make (also light reminder that the opinions of anons posted here may not directly align with mine)

however, my main point of contention especially regarding civ is not “wow they must be rolling in cash from all this furry money” because obviously i know art is an unstable career (off topic fun fact thats why i had to quit my dream of becoming a storyboarder and got a more stable career)

my point regarding civ is that: many people in their comments of the bulletin are acting like civ is the ONLY person struggling. for example theres a comment calling terra mods “ableist” for even daring to restrict the amount of adopts civ makes (because again, they had to restrict the amount of adopts STAFF makes. is it fair for civ and coy to get a disproportionate amount of opportunities to profit off of terraliens, when they have both left staff and do no work on maintenance, moderating, upkeep, and progression?), the “ableist” comment acts under the assumption that civ is the only disabled, struggling artist connected to terras. it doesnt take into account that many of the staff team are also autistic/disabled, cal in particular even said how much stress he is under at the moment because of irl and species responsibilities.

and then we add on to this the fact that, from a “struggling toyhouse artist” standpoint, civ is incredibly privileged, at least probably more privileged than some/most of the staff team. civ can usually if not always rely on the fact that their adopts or commissions will sell. they can rely on the fact that they have a large fanbase, and that their friends have large fanbases. they can rely on the fact that theyre viewed favorably in other cs spaces like chams and isopups. this isnt a matter of “theyre rolling in it,” its a matter of “hey why are we acting like civ isnt still at an advantage when it comes to selling art, why are we acting like terra mods are just punching down on them when many are in the same, if not worse circumstances?” civ has the ability to sell oneoffs very reliably, and no shade to the mods or anything, but there are members of staff who were pretty unknown before terras, do you think they could leave and still be able to rely on selling one-off adopts?

THAT is what i really mean in regards to this argument, sorry i should have elaborated more before but i had a pretty heavy influx of asks coming in

[the-skibidi-rizzler]

im having a crisis over the fact that humanity hasnt been around as long as i thought it had been

like the dinosaurs?? roamed the earth for like 160 something million years. humanity (as far as we have proof of)? 300 000. not even half a million

like in comparison to the greater scheme humanity is like a speck of dust. its y ive always thought the thought that “oh humans were made to rule the earth” is absolute bullshit because do u know how much of the earth is just not…like for us??

this would also explain how biologically we’re kinda wack w our not so good skeleton structures and shit cuz we never had time to fucking adjust to all this

how will humanity be at the 500 000 mark?? even the 1 million?? will we even be around then or would have nature wiped us out by then.

my life in the long scheme doesnt matter at all practically cause if 300 000 is nothing then whats like what 80years?? what could i possibly do in 80 years cause all of the big stuffs been done already. unless i figure out how to time travel or smthn my life and what i do w it rlly does not matter

this thought process always sends me spiraling w the “oh nothing matters i should die” rhetoric but at the same time i cant stop thinking about it because it just seems so incomprehensible (?) to me

i should probably go to bed

[actualbird]

i have to access to fieldwork and fsdfksm davis is such a snitch!! telling mc if luke is with a kitty or if artem is trying to get mc a gift omg. idk why but cheeky davis using his cuteness to cause ✨ mischief ✨ fills me with joy.

IT'S RLLY CUTE!! AND IT IS SO MISCHIEVOUS, YEAH!!!! AND......okay, honestly, if you think about it for more than 5 minutes, it becomes very apparent (if it wasnt already apparent) how powerful DAVIS is.

how did DAVIS see that luke was playing with a stray kitty? CCTV cameras most probably. and if DAVIS can access those, what other viewpoints can he access? anything with a camera?

im more perturbed by DAVIS about artem bc DAVIS doesnt say "oh here's mr. wing's browsing history!!" (which, lmao, i'd love to see) because browsing history is arguably easier to get, like, ur internet providers can see this. but no, DAVIS says (something along the lines of, my memory is shoddy) "Mr. Wing has been searching for "great gifts to give to women" for a while now." which i guessssss could be inferred from browsing history but the phrasing made me think more along the lines of "ah, DAVIS can see real-time browsing activity and website traffic of any user. ah. JESUS."

like genuinely, if DAVIS wasnt a darling wonderful amazing angel boy, stellis would stand no fucking chance esp since---oh mY GOD WAIT I CAN BRING UP A STUPID TRAIN OF THOUGHT I HAD BACK IN FRIGGING SEPTEMBER. OH FUCK OKAY OKAY SO---

in tears of themis, stellin is the digital currency of stellis city

looking past stellin’s main use as a game mechanic to level up cards, in game it’s the digital currency of the characters. i know this because stellin is described specifically as "a virtual currency distributed by the Big Data Lab" which means it exists IN GAME, because thats where Big Data Lab is, it's IN THE CHARACTERS' WORLD, okay stay with me

based on the transactions we’ve seen, it’s more common to use stellin than it is to use physical money. and judging by stellin's description and use, it seems to be a CBDC (Central Bank Digital Currency) which means it is centralized fiat currency, but in this case it is not controlled by a central bank. instead, it is controlled by the Big Data Lab.

(IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: I DO NOT LIKE CRYPTOCURRENCY. i know this information jus bc i had to write an article about crypto for a job application before. bitcoin and NFTs can go frigging die)

Big Data Lab in itself is a magnificent and horrifying concept. it's described as "joint effort between Pax Technology and the Stellis City government. The Big Data Lab legally collects data from every aspect of society and then feeds them to a supercomputer to conduct analyses. The supercomputer then compiles the data into practical information that is primarily used to assist the city government in decision-making processes."

and ofc ofc Big Data Lab thus far has been seen in a good light exactly because of the PAX relation or else we'd have to go kill marius (or not, im totally down for dark!marius. fuck morals, hes hot i'd still kiss him) but good or bad doesnt rlly matter bc

as we've seen in canon, Big Data Lab is possible to hack.

and the biggest threat to CBDCs? youve guessed. shit that happens when shit gets hacked. cyberthreats and privacy protection are the main ones, for CBDCs, but honestly? if youve hacked Big Data Lab and want to make a ruckus, go fucking further and subtler, yknow? dont just leak everybodys details or rob the currency, be chill about it cuz like

data from BDL is used in the decision making of the city government.

so going back to DAVIS!!!

hes got the capability to access and control many other gadgets. i assume if it's connected to the net, he can get to it. hes got the capability to access everybodys information too, and he probably can control and change that as well. and hes deffo got access to all the stellin that exists because he IS Big Data Lab, technically.

so like. yeah. everybody in stellis should be gosh dang happy that DAVIS is a frigging angel.

if he wanted to, he could change the way stellis is governed, route money where he wants it to go, and use personal information as bargaining chips.

(i mean, even if DAVIS did go darkside, i'd still love him. whos my evil little AI boy? you are!! you are!!!!!!)

......i went on a ramble here, didnt i?

[ringmyheart]

Can I request Vin Jin boyfriend headcanons and some fluff? (You don't have to force yourself)

(This and the other vin jin rq were merged!)

Honestly the way I see it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a very calm person or outgoing person. No matter what this relationship is gonna end up being considerably chaotic

He ropes you into everything he does. Doesn’t matter if u r a design student or an architecture student or if ur on the opposite side of the school from him, u r practically in his class. Dating him is like signing a contract sealing away ur own life bc he makes it a point to be ALWAYS w u

In class he doesn’t gaf if the teacher has ur seat on the other end of class, he is somehow finding a way to sit next to u against ur will or not. And when the teacher moves u two away from eachother INTENTIONALLY bc of this, he is threatening whoever happened to sit next to u to trade seats w him. He will go as far as to dress up as them to make it look like they’re them to be next to u and he’s so dramatic ab it.... being away from u felt like u were star crossed lovers whom the world was fiercely against

And if UR against this cuz ur tired of getting in trouble in class, or if you reject any of his advances, he’s gonna be really, really, really offended. He will at first sputter and be kinda shy and embarrassed about it, before he goes “fine! Have fun on your own without me, the greatest thing in your fucking life!”

He move seats back and will glare at you periodically every five minutes to pavlov dog you so that every five minutes every day, even when he’s not there, you feel the burning stare of vin jin

If you’re his s/o, he’ll buy you a matching pair of sunglasses so ur the freshest looking couple around Seoul (they’re hideous and thick but he thinks u look fly)

The glasses don’t have nearly as many layers as his does for himself so u can see, and u wonder how he managed to make them just as bulky and if he did it on purpose to sabotage u. Like “did u make my glasses purposefully ugly so no one else will want me?”

U have to dodge a punch after saying anything like that ab his fashion decisions LMAOAO

He’s rlly proud of u two matching. With the glasses and anything in general. He’ll make you wear a jacket matching his, or the same shoes and he will stop people in the hall and be like “wait. Notice anything cool ab us today?? Cooler than normal??”

And when they don’t respond he boasts “that’s right!! Me and my other half r matching. Look at us and weep, losers.” He thinks u two look so good....... if ur enthusiastic ab wearing matching things too he is elated u have to pray that tomorrow he won’t show up w another “if lost return to Vin Jin” “I’m Vin Jin” pair of jackets or anything of the like bc it happens SO OFTEN

And on the topic of sharing when it’s cold he likes to share jackets and blankets w u. Ur desks r moved by eachother by vin jin himself and u two share one blanket over u and shiver bc he just likes it, sharing w u plus he’s slightly warmer. And yes if you guys had indivizual blankets you would be warmer, but u guys have to struggle together he doesn’t care what anyone says (yes even ur protests ur sharing that one blanket wether he has to wrap it around u himself and tear up the one u brought on ur own or what”

He is so blind in love that he cannot tell when u guys suck at stuff. Like if ur in the wrong he doesnt care ur RIGHT and he’s taking that to the grave. He can belittle u and call u out but if someone else says ur in the wrong it’s on sight

Will die protecting ur name even when ur the one who was genuinely wrong

He forces u to make a beat for him to rap to. He loves rapping and wants to enjoy it w u, so ur forcefed YouTube videos of how to beatbox so u can be his bgm and eventually u probably just start to enjoy it to

And u always start a beat and he starts busting out rhymes and it’s SO BAD. It doesn’t matter if ur good at beatboxing if vin Jin is on the track w u it’s gonna sound terrible he brings the quality down immensely but u two just cannot tell

Like after a two session ur like “omg... that was so good. We should go pro?” “Fuck yea we should we’re better than those posers” “we could rlly make it in the industry fr” no u absolutely could not

During the school festival, u sang with him and it was SO bad. Half the crowd is gonna have 2 be hospitalized but u two had FUN up on the stage

Like I said, he has absolute faith in u. All u do is right. If ur driving a car for the first time, he is going to be ur little hype man doesn’t matter if u suck. U hit a curb and he went “YES babe!! Ur killing it cant wait till u hit the road bby” Ur not allowed to touch a car for the next two years now bc he kept cheering u on when u we’re doing CLEARLY wrong things

On a plane u r looking for the bathroom like pensively and u see a handle and look back and r like “is this it???” And vin jin thinking u r all righteous will go “yea babe go for it” and u open it and u depressurizate the cabin immediately

Now both on like 5 no fly lists

He loves to do things with u, like I mentioned earlier, and things he wouldn’t do alone he’ll do w u. Like drawing alone?? Boring. Drawing w Y/N??!!! Who knows what could happen..... so much fun could ensue. Maybe he will draw u cutely. Maybe he will draw u so ugly u will be forced to engage in a fight.

He likes to play just dance w u and compete for the “greats/all star!” Little titles above, and it becomes like a Friday night ritual for u two to turn just dance on and just go at it. But sometimes he’ll get too intense and suddenly he’s actually fighting for the chance to beat u. Will trip u so u lose on purpose

He makes u listen to him sing and rap to u. And u try to leave and he hugs tightly and is like LISTEN IFS FOR U, DONT BE UNGRATEFUL and now u have to listen

He makes u a mixtape of songs he made himself and they are all considerably worse than “remember the times we had”. It’s uploaded on SoundCloud and all the comments r hate and u listen to it a lot bc u know he loves u sm he made u a mixtape ya ur gonna play that but everyone else hates it w a passion

Like the comments r like:

Daniel: well.... it’s definitely a song 😅 I’m glad you love (y/n) so much!

Duke: he’s not making it out the hood 😐

Zach: never let this man in a studio AGAIN

Mary: this should’ve stayed in the CD

(Y/N): love it! 😍

Zoe: kill your producer 💀

Mira: ...

He’s overprotective too

If someone looks at u for more than a second he’ll go “what?? U think she is hot, huh? I’ll kick ur ass fucking perv.... cmon babe let’s go”

Will throw his arm around u and streer u the opposite way of any potentially good looking ppl to keep ur eyes on him

Oh Daniel is coming?? What a coincidence u and vin Jin suddenly have to turn the corner to the other way of ur classroom for some reason

Eli is near?!!! Oh no u just got milk spilt in ur eye!! Oh no now he has to wipe ur eyes and u two have to leave the cafeteria whatever will he do

It’s not that he doesn’t have faith in u, he doesn’t have faith in other men. Like he thinks they r all competition, and doesn’t doubt ur loyalty rather doubts how good he can b for u

WILL beat someone up for u. If someone smokes while ur around suddenly his fists r swinging at them cuz even if u smoke or vape urself no one else can get that stuff in ur lungs but YOU or HIM!!

If ur crossing the street and a car almost hits u, it’s the cars fault and he’s kicking the license plate and cursing it out for almost touching u “stupid fucking piece of metal”

Is the type of boyfriend to call u when he knows ur in an Uber and be like “babe u got ur gun w u right?? Oh don’t forget ur BOMB and ur MACHETE!! Yeah just left the house I killed some ppl nbd haha anyways HRU what’s ur Uber driver like” so the driver of ur car won’t even think ab kidnapping u. He has got ur back even when u do not want it

He doesn’t want u to see his eyes, so he’ll tell you to look away so he can take his glasses off and look at u in full color in all ur glory but he never tells u WHY he’s telling u to look away u think it’s a weird thing of his, or he’s insecure ab his face which is partially true but really he’s taking his glasses off and just looking at u. Adoringly.....

He hates PDA. He loves PDA. Do u see his dilemma

Like he loves PDA but doesn’t want anyone seeing him vulnerable even u.... so he’ll hold ur hand and be like “EWWW WHAT R U DOING GET YR HAND OFF MINE”

If u take the lead THATS best bc he can blame it on u and it’s ur fault he HAS to lock fingers w u cuz u did it to him first and he has an excuse to touch u and v like u started this im just sending u ur own energy back 😤

The type to be just like blind, overwhelmed in love. Always thinks ab u, always wants to be w u, worries ab u a lot and frets over u without showing it.... he hates it and loves it to death. Despises it but wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world

Eats lunch w u in the cafeteria and if u sit w someone else u r the ultimate traitor and he will trash talk u to hide his hurt to Mary the entire lunchtime. Kinda possessive.... wants u to also only think about him

WOULDNT EVER fight u for real. Play fights occur VERY often, like pillow fights, tripping ur foot when u say a joke insulting him, grabbing ur collar but he would sooner die than lay a finger on u

Verbal fights happen a lot and if he ever like LOSES it he may lash out and almost hit u and follow thru. I don’t think he’d be able to catch himself that quickly, and if he ever did he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Literally until the day dies he will take it to his grave

He may not sputter out apologieswill just look at u incredulously and then at his hands because what had he done? What did he just do? To you???????? (Y/n))))?????? His (y/n)??? Light of his life?

Will apologize probably over text or through a note or call, and if u don’t respond he is consumed by regret and tries to find u instantly like runs back to ur place

If u forgive him he feels bad still, because does he deserve it? And he might just isolate himself for a bit bc he can’t face u and if it left a scar he is dead inside. It kills him, literally

I could go on w this but I’ll probably save it for another separate pair of hcs later 😭

If u guys ever break up he will fight for u again and won’t stop till ur back together like flowers in ur locker every day, chocolate give during lunch, etc. He wont ever give up hope that he can win u over again and be w u again. He would keep trying, when he wakes up his first thought is ur name in a cold panic bc he can’t rest easy till ur his again and he will try and show off and poorly serenade u and trash his price and be corny and cheesy to get u back

Will set up a performance w the school to let him rap w a mic during lunch for u and he’s saying bars like “(read in bad rapping voice w inconsistent beat) (y/n), love of my life, uh, without you I’d die, uh. Please won’t you take me back? Yuh, without you ima have a heart attack. (Wha!). (Y/n), love of my life, yeah, without you I’m in strife, yup! Please be mine again, (babe), I can never rest till then.”

If the embarrassment doesn’t make u take him back so he’ll pls stop, and when he stands up on the lunch tables to do a little performance doesn’t do it either, then the odd sincerity of his voice and pain in his look (even tho while rapping he sticks out his lower lip in a weird pout) definitely, hopefully will

U make everything worth it !! Truly the light of his life

I hope these were what u wanted, I just had fun w them and wrote stuff that came off the top of my head when I thought of VJ!! ❤️

[normal-thoughts-official]

About the Jace hate, I do get your point and it’s valid, Jace is an ass and arrogant and Clary makes some really stupid decisions.

In the first books they were pretty stupid but I do feel there’s quite a lot of character development for the both of them. I’m talking about The Dark Artifices series and not The Mortal Instruments of course. They grow up and they become adults with an institute to run so they have a responsibility now.

Jace is less arrogant and he kinda settles down with Clary because to him there’s nobody else anymore besides Clary.

The Alec hate I do not get at all. I mean, I know he gets the stereotypical jealous part but again, in the later books he’s just a badass. The whole red scrolls of magic and lost book of the white is just Malec being BAMFS. And Alec becomes Consul which makes him so powerful and he uses the title to change the Clave for the Downworld and for all the Shadowhunters like him.

Book and show Malec are just * chefs kiss *

i mean, look, ur entitled to ur opinion and all, but i rlly dont think this is something ur gonna change my mind on, so id rather not get into that discussion tbh 🤷 like u wont change my mind (and thats fine, like ive said before, my opinion doesnt actually matter unless u choose to care about it and that's why i throw it around) and i probably wont change urs, so

with that being said im gonna reply to ur points anyway because i cant fucking help myself and well, it is my blog after all. i tried to not be aggressive but i do have pretty strong opinions on this topic so there's that

u dont have to read it cuz like i said i dont think we'll change each other's minds and i think we're just gonna end up upsetting each other tbh, so im putting it under the cut

idk about becoming less arrogant but to me what drives me crazy about both jace and clary is that they are selfish and self centered and i just cant stand that. and the fact that there's no one else for him but clary is pretty much an extension of that. to me their relationship is just them joining forces to become an unit and be self centered together lmao

and the fact that they're running an institute doesn't inherently change that at all. tbh even if it did, giving them an institute to run when they are only learning to be responsible for other ppl is exactly the kind of shit i hate and can't stand about the both of them and cc's writing. if they aren't responsible enough, they should never have gotten it, and the fact that they did and accepted is just more proof that they only care about themselves and are entitled and have everything handed to them on a silver platter

as for alec, he became consul because jace nominated him, so i dont see that as a point in his favor. and even in the later books he is constantly incompetent at basic things and that is used as the butt of a joke, like him being literally unable to speak in other languages because he gets too nervous and doesn't know which language is which or that whole bullshit "hero of the war coming through!" "oh it's not jace herondale, it's just some guy" or alec's own kid liking jace more than alec himself lmao. and there's more i don't remember but like... i dont think book!alec is a badass in any way shape or form, he is incompetent and keeps being carried on everyone else's shoulders and also has positions i dont think he deserves or ever did

also him using his position to help downworlders and everyone loving him for it is a white savior narrative so it's gross for entirely different reasons, and the fact that that's pretty much all he has going for him is proof that cc can only make a gay character relevant if its a result of his whiteness (or in that case shadowhunterness which is really just magical whiteness), which circles back to other anon's point about her rep being terrible

most importantly tho, even if book!alec were a badass i still would never like him or book!malec solely because of the way he treats magnus

im not even just talking about the whole "trying to take magnus' immortality away" bullshit (which in and of itself is a complete dealbreaker for book!malec for me. they could have the best relationship in the world other than that and i still would never ever ever be able to ship a couple in which one of the parts is so openly selfish and disregards the other part's consent and literal LIFE like this. idc how young alec was, he was old enough to know exactly what he was doing, and if he's too immature to respect his partner he shouldn't be in a relationship, full stop) but also... everything else. if i wanted to see a white gay man being biphobic and racist to his brown bi partner i would simply go check out the closest abusive relationship in my area. the constant jealousy slutshaming and overall immaturity is just gross and annoying and the fact that magnus puts up with that shit at all makes me sad for him, even if he's also a creep so i don't really care about him either

and like this is not a book vs show thing, it's not a competition and in most fandoms of adapted works ppl like both and merge both together. i would be perfectly capable of liking both, and tbh the only reason i even tried picking up the books at all was because i liked the show and wanted more content. i don't hate the books because i like the show, i hate the books because.... of the books igrsssfhh

[kxlluvr]

haikyuu boys and what i think their taste in women is like ~

included: kuroo, bokuto, kenma, and akaashi

okay so i realized that my more popular posts tend to be romance-ish related so for now im gonna stick to that cuz u guys seem to enjoy it more.. also this is completely unbiased and my honest opinion based on their canon characters so yeah im sorry if u dont like what u read 🥲 anyway again, pls excuse any typos or weird format im still trying to get used to tumblr :)

Kuroo Tetsurou ~

personality: he would probably need someone smart since he’s canonly a smart person himself. he would probably like someone more independent and also someone that can take a joke or can go along with his sarcasm. he needs a person who can provide stability and make him feel comfortable. so someone responsible but also playful would be perfect for him <3

looks: definitely loves long dark hair its canon yall, something that can attract him right away is nice skin and good hygiene. ok hear me out.. he is an absolute simp for thighs and a lil stomach, its such an attractive trait to have for him. so if u have that its all over. he probably prefers someone shorter but overall it doesn’t matter that much the dude is 6’3..

Bokuto Koutarou ~

personality: he need someone really positive and can keep up with his crazy athletic lifestyle but not overly energetic to contrast his personality. someone really sweet and caring and maybe a little shy would be perfect for him. someone who he knows would be there for him <3 maybe a lil clingy would be a nice fit for bo :)

looks: it’s canon that bokuto likes his women kinda thick, maybe of average height like 5’4 or 5’5. I feel like he likes any hair color and medium length. he’s attracted to rounder features so big eyes and a cute nose will make this boy melt.. he also notices small things like freckles or a beauty mark those small things are rlly cute to bo <33 (his type is pretty similar to kuroos)

kenma kozume ~

personality: he needs someone a little more outgoing and ambitious. A good sense of humor and a stable lifestyle would be a good match for him. his s/o should be patient and flexible. so someone that is straightforward and has a comforting vibe is perfect :)

looks: I have a strong feeling he likes tall slim women, pale skin kinda vibe yk.  he probably likes longer hair maybe kind of dark color? hes really into someone with a good fashion taste and looks put together. i’m thinking sharper facial features like almond shaped eyes and trimmed brows..

akaashi keiji ~

personality: he’s another person that needs someone really responsible and can provide him stability and comfort. he would prefer someone smart and has clear goals for their future. he appreciates someone that can make him feel comfort and doesnt stand out too much yk?

looks: tall girls. probably 5’7 with an athletic build. maybe mid length wavy hair doesnt mind the color. definitely likes girls with pretty collar bones and nice legs.. he’s a sucker for proportional facial features but he doesnt care too much about symmetry.  he really likes brown eyes for some reason idk i just have a feel for it :))

that’s it I hope you guys enjoyed that it was pretty fun to write I’m sorry if it felt a little repetitive but yeahhhhh pls leave requests or DM me on instagram if u have any other ideas u want me to write <3



[torivikachu]

WARNING UNREASONABLE SHITPOST

recently, I see so much hate everywhere. magnetic storms or what but fandoms are getting rlly nasty when clashing with each other.

I think it is important to understand, that we shouldn't be bashing others, whatever we or they might like, as long as it is not offensive or reasonably immoral - and I stress, REASONABLY! some people believe homosexuality is immoral and that is just /warning! offensive language/ dumb.

as a huge fan of SNS I see a lot of anti's this days - antisakura, antiending, antinarusasu, antisasunaru, antinaruhina, antisasusaku, antiboruto and whatever. and - ugh - as much as I myself hate to admit that.... expectant drums sound.... nobody cares!

I mean - it's Kishimotos work. it's his idea, it's his story, it's his vision and - sadly - we don't get to decide whether he was wrong or not.

whether he should have ended the story with SNS,

whether he should have made female characters more prominent,

whether he should have killed Sakura off,

whether he should have made Naruto a better father,

whether he should have done many other things we all want him to do,

because - no matter how much we love the story or the characters - we are not the ones who created them, not the ones who understand them the most.

I mean, I have written myself a couple of paragraphs on how much I hate what is going on in Boruto - so yeah hi hypocrite! - but I sincerely mean well. yeah it pains me a bit to watch Boruto cuz of nostalgia I feel for Naruto series but I keep on watching, because I can't cut out that part of my heart that is responsible to crave more of Naruto universe even if I hate it.

and I am probably going to keep criticizing every damn thing - like, have you heard the Kara soundtrack? omfg I facepalmed the whole episode after that - and I wish it was better, but I am not going to bash characters for being created that way.

bc you know what? people are shitty. good people are shitty. bad people are shitty. everybody is shitty. so I guess made up characters get to be shitty too.

I mean, bashing Sakura for not having same problems as Naruto and Sasuke and thus not always getting them? - duh! remember yourself at 12, 13, 14, 15, you were a fucking whiner and you know it. and what were your problems? not getting a laptop you wanted? being punished for bad grades? getting into the fight with your parents for being unreasonable?

yeah, like you never said stuff like I wish I didn't have parents. I remember a moment after the fight I wrote a note to my parents before going to sleep that literally said ' sorry you got such a bad daughter I wish you didnt have to deal with me' and then went to sleep. in the morning - having completely forgotten it - I was woken up by my crying mom who said it was the stupidest thing on earth I knew I hurt her with it. and I regret it. it was dumb and shitty and I normaly consider myself a good person, but that was a huge shit I pulled. and I can't take it back. but I was like 10 and I didn't know better at the time.

why would I hold Sakura to higher standards then I hold myself?

then people bash her for being mean to Naruto - well, duh again - KIDS ARE MEAN. she got older and managed to see Naruto for who he was, but people still see her as a bully.

well, if we are not ready to accept peoples mistakes if they have managed to live up to them, I dont want to be a part of that 'we'

next I see a lot of bashing for Sakura being a bad mom - ugh, duh again /what is it, third time?/! how come? yeah she works a lot, since she is a single mother and all, but she genuinly cares for Sarada, even if she gets a bit overprotective at times. she doesn't have a very working relationship with Sasuke - well sure, he is never home!

then there's bashing Naruto and Sasuke for being bad fathers - you might think they'd learn to appreciate a family after being orphans.........

well where do I start. Sasuke is clinically afraid of losing loved ones after he has lost so much, so he is much better off not having many bonds and it is obvious as day. it doesn't make what he does right or good or wrong, it's just who he is. Naruto... well, lets start with the fact that he never had a role model. he had Iruka - at times, he had Jiraya for three years, but he never really had a family. he was a good dad - as we can see - when kids were little and he wasnt a hokage...

but now... he might work too hard, he might overdo it a bit at times, but if you think that he struggled his whole life to get appreciation why would you think he'd stop now? he just wants to manage everything, but he cant, and it kills him but he doesnt stop and its beautiful. yeah, its unhealthy and stupid but beautiful, because that is what the core of his character is. thats what this world has shaped him to be.

BUT THEN AGAIN THAT IS JUST MY PERCEPTION. I am pretty fucking sure Kishimoto and authors had their own reasons for it that are justified and totally okay because these are his characters who he can do whatever he wants to.

just like we people can.

and I can go on, because there is just SO MUCH HATING AND BASHING I just can't take it anymore.

I mean this whole war of sasunaru and narusasu - why would you care who fucks whom as long as both enjoy it and dynamics in bed dont influence dynamics in the relationship.

I mean... fanfics are not real. hell, even Naruto is not real, but fanfics exist entirely separately from the anime (most of them don't even get personalities right) and it is OKAY. they can exist separately to please those who are unhappy with how things go.

but please please pleeease stop bashing everything just for the sake of it. and I don't mean you are not entitled to feel and I am not telling what you should feel but there is so much more wholesomeness and awesomeness and beauty in portraying and seeing Sakura as a supportive friend and Sasuke as a helpless child inside and Naruto as a strong person who just really can't catch a break. and Boruto and Sarada as a way to make SNS canon in some twisted way.

you know? positive thinking.

but Next generation still sorta sucks.

no offense, though

😆

[grocerystoredean]

honestly i think ive brought the mood down by talking about dead birds. but luckily i have a fun story about live birds! actually this is one that i find kinda strange myself.

im going to assume you know whatabouts the typical county fair looks like. actually you did say you dont have squirrels so mbby ur not american... it basically looks like theres this huge field and a huge barn and a rather decent sized inside bit and a few little wooden structures nearby to make shade. and pretty much all year its super empty, i think part of it becomes a dog park the rest of the time? i dunno. anyway, once a year a carnival will roll in and the ffa and 4-h roll in and the entire place is filled with trailers and tents and rides and, especially with animals. and it goes on for like a week, opens rlly early and closes rlly late. i know we had a rather large fair where i live. its a Big Deal.

now, if youre a regular person youll go to the fair maybe once or twice, look at some of the historical stuff or whatever thats in the building, maybe walk through the barn, go on a few rides visit a few vendors, and go home. if you’re participating in the fair its a whole nother story. ill spare you the details but it involves getting up early grooming a pissy animal that youve been raising all year specifically for this (or training for this, it depends on what you do. i wont be talking about my own experience because i’m pretty sure you’d be able to find out exactly where i live from it and im not too keen on that) getting dressed up (white buttondown shirt, wipe the mud off your boots, and new jeans) and driving down to the fairgrounds to set up in either a tent or a barn.

so i find the tent im supposed to be in and we start setting up. since we were a small group they stuck us in a tent with another small group, a handful of chickens, some fancy, some just regular hens, but all pretty. so anyway we get judged, my animal will only perform AFTER the judging when its not her turn so it didnt count (but she fucking nailed it). and apparently she wasnt a good example of her breed or whatever but idc how much experience this guy has she was damn cute and had straight legs and everything. (im not mad about not winning im mad that he went out of his way to be a dick). (also my sister won and she was also a dick.)

anyway, we start slowing down, its hot as the dickens, so im just trying to keep myself and my animal cool until we can leave. so i look over at the other side of the tent and youll never fucking believe this: these dudes are dressing up their chickens. IT WAS A CHICKEN COSTUME CONTEST. have you ever heard of such a thing???? so of course i stick around for the judging. and admiring these hand sown chicken garments. im talking dresses and little hats and even props, it was a damn beauty pageant. i kept expecting mama june to come through the door with her toddler. ok and this wasnt /just/ a chicken costume contest, oh no, i wasnt clear on if they have a theme every year or if this is just how they do it, but it was a historical chicken costume contest.

there were only a few chickens there. apparently runway training a hen isnt a popular hobby, cant imagine why, but oh boy were they fabulous. its been maybe... i wanna say six years so excuse me if my memory is fuzzy.

most of the chickens were dressed fairly sparsely, draping things, hats, etc. dont get me wrong these were still incredible (ex; chicken abraham lincon. chicken cowboy that i should probably reckognize. chicken union solider.) but compared to this one guy they were party city cuz this guy had sewn an honest to god suffragette costume for his lovely red hen. he blew the competition out of the water even though his hen wasn’t fancy and i think the moral of this story is that it doesnt matter who you are or how good at things you are if youve got great legs and know how to sew youll make it in life. pretty sure mark twain said that. i just- words cannot describe seeing this chicken in her blue dress and her sunhat with the sash and the “voting rights now!” sign. it was magnificent! i havent been able to find the chicken costume contest since and now the only proof that it ever existed is on my moms shitty old camera. i think.

why did the chicken cross the road? for women’s voting rights.

my ask box is now a bird confessional do not send asks unless youre talking about birds thank you very much. 

[ocean-butch]

Hellllo :)) 10-150 if you’re up for a challenge Goodluck 😁

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“i rlly hope he’s the murderer”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?molecules, HNLY, wanna be missed, let it be, and what i need, all from Expectations by hayley kiyoko

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?yes ofc

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?luck yes miracles no

15. What good thing happened this summer?idk i had a good time, i traveled, it was fun!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?i never kissed anyone besides boys so nah

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?ofc i mean cmon who doesnt know that

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?yes!! i love her dearly and shes a great friend

19. Do you like bubble baths?OFC

20. Do you like your neighbors?i dont rlly know them tbh

21. What are you bad habits?isolating myself and basically everything i do

22. Where would you like to travel?everywhere but mainly atlanta bc i wanna meetmy best friend

23. Do you have trust issues?nah i trust too easily

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?the feeling of getting home

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?all of it tbh

26. What do you do when you wake up?check my phone, usually tumblr first

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?nah im good

28. Who are you most comfortable around?not really ””around”” but abby

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?once yeah, but then she broke up w me again LMAO

30. Do you ever want to get married?OBVIOUSLY CAN U IMAGINE HAVING A WIFE I MEAN WOW WHAT A DREAM

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?not really, only if its just the top

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?kay awkward imma skip that cuz im a minor

33. Spell your name with your chin.vabfirls (its supposed to be gabriela lol)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?i know how to play soccer and volley and some other shit but i dont really actually play them. however, i do snowboard.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?tv, i actually didnt have a tv until 2 months ago (but i did have them when i lived w my dad)

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?yep

37. What do you say during awkward silences?idk i just try to come up w something, it could be anything depending on the person

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?someone funny, who is easy to talk to and is passionate and caring. someone who’ll show me that i mean everything to them and who isnt scared to be affectionate. i have a tag for this called “my dream girl” so its all there

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?i dont shop like at all so basically starbucks lmao

40. What do you want to do after high school?move out of this awful country

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?im not sure. maybe, but not always with the same person. but tbqh probably not everyone

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?it can mean a lot of thigs, but usually that im rlly depressed/lonely

43. Do you smile at strangers?yes!!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?both tf (but i’ve already been to the bottom of the ocean many times so getting to know space would be pretty fucking cool)

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?the thought of not having to go to school anymore in like 7 months if i just get this right

46. What are you paranoid about?e v e r y t h i n g but mostly ppl hating me and leaving me

47. Have you ever been high?nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?i dont think so no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?dark blue

51. Ever wished you were someone else?all the time dude

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?myself lmao

53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont rlly know any makeup brands tbh i dont use it

54. Favourite store?again, starbucks

55. Favourite blog?oh noooo this is too specific there are too many but i guess i’d put my best friend bc her blog is awesome and yall should follow her its @saveabby

56. Favourite colour?blue & purple

57. Favourite food?sushi!!!!!!!!!!!!

58. Last thing you ate?açaí

59. First thing you ate this morning?a cereal bar? is this what theyre called?? im not sure

60. Ever won a competition? For what?yeah i guess some school things about sports n shit when i was younger

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?god no im a good student

62. Been arrested? For what?JESUS CHILL IM 16

63. Ever been in love?yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?actually i dont remember i was young and it was at a time where 3 boys liked me and i kinda dated (like kid dating but still) 2 of them and i dont remember which one was first BUT it doesnt matter bc i dont like to count kissing boys so i havent had one yet

65. Are you hungry right now?always lmao

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?well i like different people in different degrees, some being from tumblr, some being from irl. its a mixed list.

67. Facebook or Twitter?twitter duh

68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?almost, im watching psych on my laptop

70. Names of your bestfriends?abby from tumblr, marie irl

71. Craving something? What?yes, chocolate

72. What colour are your towels?theres a green one, a blue one and a white one

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?it can vary from 0 to 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?very rarely but its bc theyre at my room at my dad’s place and even when i sleep there i usually sleep at my brother’s room but i do like stuffed animals

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?not many, maybe 3 idk

75. Favourite animal?felinesss

76. What colour is your underwear?im not wearing any but dont go thinking shit, im just on my pjs

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?it depends but in general chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?its like a chocolate shavings thing that we have in brazil. idk if they have it in other countries and if they do idk what its called

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?white

80. What colour pants?no pants jeez

81. Favourite tv show?X-FILES

82. Favourite movie?SNXJSNXKSNSJSJDJSJXJS P R I D E & P R E J U D I C E (2005) PNP OKAY PRIDE & PREJUDICE THANK U FOR THIS QUESTION

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?i dont think i’ve seen the 2nd

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?21 jump street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?i only watched that movie once and i dont remember much about it tbh

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?dory

87. First person you talked to today?melissa

88. Last person you talked to today?until now it was elle

89. Name a person you hate?donald trump

90. Name a person you love?guess? thats right, abby

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?not especially but i’m always wanting to punch my dad tbh

92. In a fight with someone?what?? if u mean “ever been���” then yes, my brother

93. How many sweatpants do you have?none :((

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?oooo a lot, but i only use 1 bc its my fave

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?“One evening at dusk, I came upon my friend.”

[hallelujuh]

hello yes i just finished lord of the flies (and then watched the 1963 movie immediately afterwards) & i rlly luv piggy so im gonna yell abt Just Piggy Things™ even if no one cares

piggy’s the first character we’re introduced to, after ralph ofc, so that means we’re supposed to get attached, and boy did i get attached..

ass-mar

the fact that he’s been called mean nicknames so long that his real name doesnt matter to him?? he doesnt care what hes called?? poor thing wtf??? hes like eleven hes too little for this

the Flashing Anime Glasses. especially the one w the fire when he starts laughing maniacally. same.

im talking about: “then he laughed so strangely that they were hushed, looking at the flash of his spectacles in astonishment.”

also: “’i got the conch,’ said piggy, in a hurt voice. ‘i got a right to speak.’” let him speak hes the only damn reasonable one. also stop hurting him hes been hurt enough goddamnit 

k but how much he loves ralph? and ralph is annoyed by him??? but then later he confides in him & cries over him & their friendship is my fav in the book so. they bond it just takes a while. but piggy was always good to ralph awe

“i was with him when he found the conch. i was with him before anyone else was.” he finally made a friend dont u take him from him ;-;

k speaking of the conch, in the first movie, his laugh when ralph’s blowing the horn for the first time??? aw??? a rare moment of joy in that sad ass movie?? 

‘63!film piggy is the sweetest & cutest i lob him. ‘90!film piggy was annoying as shit tho i refuse to talk about him.

in the ‘63!film when he puts his hands on his hips when jack says “shut up fatty” and then hides behind the tree when they all laugh at him.

god in the book it’s easy to forget theyre actual babies but with the movie u cant possibly forget and theyre so cute but defenseless it’s so sad

i kno these actors r like 70 or dead now but i wanna go back in time & give them a hug. especially piggy cuz hes a pouty chubby bub gOD IM SO SAD

one last note on the film before i get back to the book: the movie rlly encompassed how awkward i imagined piggy to be & i luv that. also his story time abt camberly was adorable + educational (for me, anyway)

how hurt he is when ralph tells the other boys his name, poor thing ugh :(

“’let him have the conch!’ shouted piggy. ‘let him have it!’” yes stand up for poor lil mulberry child

“piggy knelt by him, one hand on the great shell, listening and interpreting to the assembly.” hes so fuckin sweet??? hes like the mom of the island hes so nice to the littluns i luv him

and when he gets upset over the mulberry boy probably bein killed in the fire :’( hes the most sensible and the most empathetic of all the other boys. what a cinnamon roll. unproblematic fav. true neutral. 10/10. the best boy.

my second favorite line in the whole book: “then, with the martyred expression of a parent who has to keep up with the senseless ebullience of the children, he picked up the conch, turned toward the forest, and began to pick his way over the tumbled scar.” tired mama piggy lmao

he wants to make a sundial?? hes so smart aw

piggy thinking ralph’s patronizing smile was a friendly one :( :( he just wants a friendddd hes so naive & sweet im sadddd

i think it’s implied most of the other boys (particularly the choir boys & ralph) are from a nicer, more upper class part of england, &, despite his intelligence, piggy’s more lower class, judging by his cockney-esque accent (his use of ‘them’ instead of ‘those’, etc.) and also “piggy was an outsider, not only by accent, which did not matter…” idk why this is cute i dunno

“piggy arrived, out of breath and whimpering like a littlun.” me in pe. but also poor thing ;-;

“piggy sniveled and simon shushed him as though he had spoken too loudly in church.” i interpreted shushed as, like, consoled, more than, like, ‘quit crying, ya baby’, which was more what he was doing, but still…first of many cute piggy & simon interactions. i’d ship them but theyre like twelve so nah. but they cute as buddies

“this was too bitter for piggy, who forgot his timidity in the agony of his loss. he began to cry out, shrilly: ‘you and your blood, jack merridew! you and your hunting! we might have gone home-’” this hurts because if jack hadn’t gone hunting, they may have been rescued before simon or piggy died :( :( :( horrible vague foreshadowing

simon getting piggy’s glasses for him when jack throws em ;-;

simon giving his piece of meat (not a euphemism, goddamnit) to piggy.. god simons so sweet hes my second fav

“only, decided ralph as he faced the chief’s seat, i can’t think. not like piggy…he could go step by step inside that fat head of his, only piggy was no chief. but piggy, for all his ludicrous body, had brains.” why does ralph resent piggy sm. it’s like it psychically hurts him to compliment him, even just in his own head. jeez. just cuz someones fat doesnt mean they cant be smart?? the 50s were weird

“piggy came and stood outside the triangle. this indicated that he wished to listen, but would not speak; and piggy intended it as a gesture of disapproval.” aka ‘i’m mad at everyone so im gonna stand two feet away & glare at you all’ aw haha

when he tiptoes onto the triangle cuz hes done w his protesting ahaha aw

“piggy held out his hands for the conch but ralph shook his head.” idk i thought the mental image was cute. “gimme pls” “nuh uh”

what he says about the beast & life being scientific…me & piggy would be buds if he was real lmao

“ralph nodded to piggy. ‘go on. ask him.’ piggy knelt, holding the conch. ‘now then. what’s your name?’ the small boy twisted away into his tent. piggy turned helplessly to ralph..” honestly piggy & ralph are the mom & dad of the colony (jack being the asshole uncle) it’s so cute

“’that’s a clever beast,’ said piggy, jeering, ‘if it can hide on this island.’” sarcastic piggy is sarcastic

more sarcastic piggy earlier in the book: “you got your small fire all right” i lob him

indignant & shrill piggy… and his quote: “’what are we? humans? or animals? or savages?’” honestly lowkey want that tattooed

i fuckin hate jalph but admittedly jack’s jealous lil “’that’s right–favor piggy as you always do.’” is salty & gay lmao

the whole three blind mice convo…i luv

particular highlight in that scene: “’i’m scared of him,’ said piggy, ‘and that’s why i know him. if you’re scared of someone you hate him but you can’t stop thinking about him. you kid yourself he’s all right really, an’ then when you see him again; it’s like asthma an’ you can’t breathe. i tell you what. he hates you too, ralph—’” POOR BABYYY 

also “’i know about people. i know about me. and him. he can’t hurt you: but if you stand out of the way he’d hurt the next thing. and that’s me.” IN THE END ROGER’S THE ONE WHO HURTS HIM UGH :(

“’keep piggy out of danger.’” YOU ASSHOLES LET HIM DIE

piggy holding his breath until his asthma acts up & then the boys just leave him??? what dicks

“jack cleared his throat and spoke in a queer, tight voice. ‘we mustn’t let anything happen to piggy, must we?’” AND THEN YOU LET HIM D I E U SALTY BITCH QUIT IT

“piggy put on his one glass and looked at ralph. ‘now you done it. you been rude about his hunters.’ ‘oh shut up!’” why dont more ppl ship them?? compared to jalph theres nothing??? theyre like a married couple it’s precious. like i said - mom & dad of the island.

piggy getting braver & being more of a leader once jack leaves!!! im proud of him!!

“he [simon] sought for help and sympathy and chose piggy” k the two most humane & sympathetic kids on the island, and the two doomed ones, gravitate towards each other & look out for each other & it so sadd

piggy being “so full of pride in his contribution to the good of society” he didnt deserve his fate he was so good im so sad

samneric & piggy making a little mini feast for them?? thats so cute??? 

also “piggy broke into noisy laughter and took more fruit. ‘he might be.’ he gulped his mouthful. ‘he’s cracked’.” piggy u get teased for bein different why would u tease simon (behind his back too) for bein diffrent u hypocrite. noisy laughter tho aw

piggy & ralph laying by the fire & talking…ralph didnt deserve piggy honestly he wasnt even grateful until the very end for such a good friend in such a horrible situation??? ugh

“when he understood how far ralph had gone toward accepting him he flushed pinkly with pride” see? good friendship. piggy just wanted a friend & to be considered valuable. and ralph finally started appreciating him

“piggy took off his glasses, stepped primly into the water, and then put them on again.” prim: stiffly formal and respectable; feeling or showing disapproval of anything regarded as improper. idk why this is funny to me

when he gets annoyed and starts slapping the water & yelling. temper tatrum lmao. dont blame him

“piggy stirred the sand under water and did not look at ralph. ‘p’raps we ought to go too.’ ralph looked at him quickly and piggy blushed. ‘i mean–to make sure nothing happens.’ ralph squirted water again.” they’re so fuckINGN CUTE

“piggy touched ralph’s wrist. ‘come away. there’s going to be trouble. and we’ve had our meat.’“ SO MUCH OF THIS STORY WOULDVE BEEN AVOIDED IF THE OTHER BOYS ACTUALLY LISTENED TO PIGGY

“ralph sat down in the grass facing the chief’s seat and the conch. piggy knelt at his left, and for a long minute there was silence.” i luv their dynamic sm. ruler & adviser. no questions asked. ultimate loyalty. so good.

piggy trying to be all rational about simon while ralph freaks out…what a scene. also i luv how awkward their convo w samneric immediately after is

piggy wants to be rescued most and hes the one whos killed!!!! bullshit!!!! justice for piggy!!!

when ralph says piggy should write a letter to his auntie & he takes it serious & ralph laughs & piggy doesnt get it. awe.

the scene where they take his glasses ;-; u made my boi piggy hav an ass-mar attack u monsters,

PIGGY GETTIN ALL BADASS & DETERMINED & TALKING ABOUT WHAT HES GONNA TELL JACK 

“he held out the conch to piggy who flushed, this time with pride” and then “piggy sought in his mind for words to convey his passionate willingness to carry the conch against all odds.” the conch is the only constant on the island, the only dependable thing he has besides ralph, so hes so invested in it, hes pretty much deemed himself the caretaker of the conch, and it dies with him…

the scene where piggy reassures ralph & it says “the twins were examining ralph curiously, as though they were seeing him for the first time” is probably my fav scene in the entire book…it just really shows, in a couple of lines, the characters that ralph & piggy are, and what their relationship is like, and why they’re a partnership throughout the whole book. fantastic.

“’am i safe?’ quavered piggy. ‘i feel awful–’” fuckin foreshadowing, i hate it. imagine being practically blind on a cliff and then, minutes later, falling to your death. god it’s terrible.

piggy crying for ralph not to leave him actually hurts like psychically in my chest. him and simon were babies??? i know it’s fiction but kids are the sweetest things, not even fictional kids deserve to be killed so mercilessly??? im so fuckin sad

his last words…powerful and iconic.

i dont wanna talk about his death. im very sad

k ik it’s terrible but when he died his skull cracked open & his brain more or less fell out (”and stuff came out”, “with his empty head”), and thats p macabre but it’s also symbolic and genius bc when roger killed him he also took away the only thing he had going for him, the only thing that gave him superiority over the others - his intelligence. his brain. 

of course, have to end on: “ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called piggy.” cue me shutting the book, hugging it to my chest, and sobbing

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind