#i should probably delete this later

[just-myhyperfixations]

I’m not a big fan of timsteph but I love them as girboss & her dragqueen

(I know it looks like shit but progress takes time or sum like that)

[longagoitwastuesday]

Heathcliff and Hareton. To me

[jnsmeyv]

Simon who never hesitates to call or message you whenever he's out with the 141

Simon who would admire you from afar whenever your busy doing smth

Simon who would squeeze you into embrace whenever he comes home as if theres no tomorrow

and the very same Simon you plan your happy ending with.

[fragmentedblade]

Can you expand more on Ratio's philosophical influences? You seem super knowledgeable!

I've been sitting on this for some time because I didn't know what prompted this message and thus I didn't know what to answer and how. I guess it may be the comment I wrote about him having a socratic but also a sophist air?

There are a lot of details in Ratio's overall design that point towards philosophical references. I want to draw attention to the fact that since this is a vague message on anon I don't really know what to focus on or what could I skip because it's information already known, so what I'm going to say is a very brief summary of many ideas, which of course makes such ideas but the shadow of an echo of themselves, so faint they almost become untrue. I fervently advise to look more deeply into any of this if something catches anyone's interest. And I also want to point out that the problem of knowing a little bit of something, even its existence, is that seeing turns to seeking, and an excess of seeing is also a blindness; what I mean by this is that I'm not sure how much of what I am going to say was intentional by the developers/writers and how much is just me suffering the blindness of seeing too much haha

However, I also want to clarify that I do think many of the things I’m going to say are present even if perhaps not intended by the writers/designers. This is due to the fact that Ratio’s main influence is platonism, and platonism is everywhere in western philosophy and in general western culture; once you see it you cannot unsee it. So perhaps I am reading too much or making correlations between things in his design that were not meant to be linked, giving a depth to the character that is probably incidental, but that I would say nonetheless exists because it pertains to a certain philosophical tradition in which the elements stem from each other. I hope this will become clearer in its development if it isn’t right now. 

Ratio has an Apollonian air. At first that and his mask made me wonder if he was going to be linked to the Mourning Actors, who alongside the Masked Fools for now remind me a lot of the Nietzschean Apollonian and Dyonisian dichotomy. This was conjecture on my side so I won't go on about this on this ask.

Ratio retains however the Apollo air. When I saw his splash art he reminded me instantly of the Belvedere Apollo, down to the strap under his chest like the sculpture has the quiver's strap. His sixth eidolon too recalls that sculpture, since it seems to be a mix of the pose in Michelangelo's David with the cloth in the Belvedere Apollo. Among other things, Apollo is a god linked to truth, medicine, archery and divination. The owl seems to be a reference to Athena, though. 

Ratio also has the laurel or bay branch on his head, which is one of Apollo's traits. Laurel on someone's head became linked to victory as well as academic and artistic merit (I know in Italy people still use it when graduating, for instance; I mean, that's where the word comes from). The fact that he has half of it is most likely due to an aesthetic choice, especially given how the character designs are pointedly asymmetric in this game; however, I think it works well with how, no matter how much he achieves and how hard he tries, Ratio is never gazed upon by Nous nor accepted by the Genius Society with the frustration, bitterness and questioning that brings both himself and others.

This last point, being ignored by something akin to a divinity, works also with his Apollonian air, I'd say. Given his Apollo look, his snake-like pupils made me think instantly of Delphi. Delphi was where a temple to Apollo was (linked to a mythological snake, and snakes thus became associated with Apollo in imagery), and it was famous for its prophecies. Socrates (the master of Plato and main figure in his dialogues) is said to have started the habit of questioning he is mostly famous for because a friend of his went to the temple in Delphi and was told by the Oracle that the wisest man in Athens was Socrates. Socrates was perplexed by this because he knew nothing, and started posing questions to supposedly erudite people about the matters about which they were experts, only to come out of that feeling unsatisfied with the answers. Thus, Socrates thought the Oracle may be right after all, but he was only the wisest man because he at least knew that he knew nothing. 

This works very well with Ratio because Socrates starts the journey by being distinguished among his peers, gazed upon, by a god (Apollo was supposed to possess the Pythia, or at the very least the prophetic power came from him), while Ratio never gets that recognition, and seems resigned to that already ("If this day I have not gained the recognition of Nous, it stands to reason that I never will at any point in the future" and "One day, I received a letter from the Interastral Peace Corporation (...). I could tell the solemnity of the invitation, so I excitedly passed it on to Mr. Ratio. Yet, he said nothing. I could sense his heavy silence even through the headgear. He then politely asked me to leave. The moment I closed the door, I heard a grim sigh followed by a self-deprecating laughter... Perhaps he realized he would never be accepted into the Genius Society..."). The mix of arrogance and humbleness, although enhanced in Ratio in a comical degree, is already somewhat present I would argue in the way Socrates talks in Plato's dialogues. Arrogance was also a trait Heraclitus, the author of the line cited in the name of his banner (“Panta rhei”), was famous to have.

So Ratio takes the position at the IPC. The Intelligentsia Guild is "often seen as a vendor of knowledge", and is looked down upon by the Genius Society. This is where I think the philosopher/sophist dichotomy comes in. Sophists were teachers, and were paid. They also were known to use rhetoric to convince (I would say there's a reference to this in one of Ratio's daily messages). In the political landscape of Athens, they were very useful for young men interested in politics. Some sophists became quite rich and famous. Usually philosophers, who didn't receive any money and did everything for the "love of knowledge" itself, looked down on them. At least in the texts of Plato that's often the case, although some sophists are portrayed under a better light even there; btw many of the things I've been saying come from Plato, but since this is an intricate subject on its own that isn’t directly pertinent to the ask I won't dwell on it right now.

Education in ancient Greece consisted of both intellectual and physical training. Intellectual education included music, poetry, mathematics, astronomy,... Physical fitness was held as something very important in a young man's curriculum as well. I think this is where the fanservicey choice of making Ratio so fit and pretty comes from. And I say “pretty” because beauty too is an important concept for Plato, and ancient Greece in general. It is also part of what linked the need of a young man to develop himself both intellectually and physically. Beauty is linked to harmony and order, both on an individual basis and cosmologically, often in some philosophical trends to a mathematical level; pythagoreanism has a lot of this.

Indeed I think pythagoreanism has to do somewhat with Ratio's design, considering his link to mathematics and geometry, and given his name ("Ratio" made me think of the golden ratio and in general pythagorean ratios even before it made me think of "reason" tbh), but in general the main philosophical reference in Ratio seems to be Plato, who was influenced greatly by pythagoreanism; this is one of the perhaps unintended indirect yet present links I mentioned at the beginning.

Platonism is very present in many ways in Ratio. It's noticeable even in his visual design, with how buff and handsome he is, arguably the references to Apollo and Athena, the geometry imagery, and even the sculptures he creates with his technique, but the influence is seen throughout his entire character, story, dialogue lines,... Part IV of Ratio’s character story, the way he talks with Roseth and what he says, has in my opinion an echo of platonic dialogues, as does his line “To spread knowledge, we must first make people realize their folly” recall Socrates. In the Trailblaze mission the main character had to argue for their innocence, which to me brought to mind the Apology of Socrates. On the other hand, the way this was done was very reminiscent of the socratic method, both in the discussion and counterargument mechanic of the game as, and especially so, in the use of memory. The main character had already the knowledge they seeked, yet they had forgotten about it, and had to retrieve it through memory guided by the intense questioning of Ratio; this, if applied to the research of a more essential knowledge instead of circumstantial, is the core of Socrates' maieutics. Maieutics is "midwifery". Socrates called by that word his method because he thought he was helping give birth to truths or knowledge that were already present in people's minds, if forgotten. It's what Ratio's skill, "intellectual midwifery", references. 

The fact that Socrates' method, the "intellectual midwifery" to put it in in HSR terms, works in platonic philosophy is because it is taken that there are eternal truths, something Ratio believes as well (“The beauty of truth is that it never changes, even when no one understands it. Well, that's true for me, at least”). This has to do with what is called the theory of Forms or the theory of Ideas. The world that we see is but the shadow of that other conceptual abstract world, of which we have but forgotten memories and that we can access only with the mind's eye. Our soul once saw/was part of that other world, which is why it can remember it. Plato was influenced by the pythagorean view of a sort of journey or reincarnation of the soul after dying, to put it some way. This is also extensive, it has to do with orphism, is at the core of a lot of philosophical and theological western traditions, and thus I will say only this, even though it feels very close-to-fake simplistic haha. To summarise, there’s the other abstract perfect world of which everything in this world participates from and is but the shadow of (everything beautiful participates on the Idea of Beauty, eternal and inextinguishable, but it’s never as perfect as that Idea, only but its echo). The idea that the world is but the shadow of the other world is present in Ratio's English line when he is ko-ed, "Mere flesh…" (in Chinese, though, if I’ve understood correctly he says “«Mediocre»… hah”, which is very different if still lore-heavy). This of course implies a strong ontological dualism. 

In this sense it is extremely interesting to me that Ratio’s banner is named “Panta rhei”, because Heraclitus is the epitome of the defender that all things were in constant change yet all things are One, the process of “becoming”, the constant struggle, at the core itself of reality (this too is harmony). He was pointedly monist, and is often contrasted to Parmenides, who spoke of eternal unchanging truths and beings. Both are cornerstones in the development of western philosophy and influenced Plato, but the choice calls my attention. In the Japanese wiki the line was linked/took to the buddhist concept of impermanence; while not necessarily related to that, this wiki suggestion made me wonder whether the choice of making “Panta rhei” the name of Ratio’s banner was done to further enhance another aspect of the many parallels between him and Ruan Mei, who also talks about life as something seemingly diverse and changing, hopes to obtain permanence, and talks about a something that transcends the multiple faces of life and that unifies them all (“Life is countless and varied in form. I firmly believe in that. Its beauty is like a myriad of flowers, and I want to pluck the one that never wilts”; “I wish to discover "the true essence of life," something that all individuals possess unknowingly, whether it is the materialism of their existence or an unknown entity beyond corporeal realms”; “The core of all existence is unity”). Even beyond that, in the context of everything else Ratio has going on, the mention of Heraclitus brings very intriguing food for thought to the table; yet I think this may be another instance of things that are, yet were most likely not meant by the writers.

Moving on, I’ll give a quick comment on the more explicit philosophical references we can find in Ratio’s traces, attacks and voicelines, and will dwell a bit only when I think they work well with the subjects and concepts I already commented Ratio plays with, otherwise this response will be eternal.

Summation (trace): in Chinese this is more clearly linked to the inductive reasoning, which in context it is obvious this is what this trace references; I don’t know why they chose to translate it this way. It is a method of reasoning that comes from the observation of particularities to generalisation, hence “summation”. It works well with Ratio causing more damage per debuff, and with the references to empiricism in Ratio’s attacks. The consequences in inductive reasoning are not truly ensured by the premises (the typical example is how you can’t ensure that all ravens are black by as many black ravens as you observe). 

Inference (trace): this baffled me because again it is more clear in Chinese that this is referencing deductive reasoning, but every language translates “inference”, whereas in the “deduction” trace the characters are exactly the same as the ones in the Chinese wiki for “inference”, but every language translates “deduction”. I don’t know what’s happening here, I wish I knew Chinese and found this less confusing, but at least both words are present in his traces. Deductive reasoning is the one that goes from premises to conclusion. It is heavily linked to logic and it doesn’t necessarily require empiric knowledge.

Deduction (trace): this is what is called “inference” apparently in Chinese (if someone knows about this I would love to know what is happening in Chinese in these two traces). Inferences are, well, the process of reaching conclusions. It can be either through deduction or induction (or abduction, some would argue, but that’s another can of worms).

Mind is might (basic attack): in latin this is “scientia potentia est”, and while at this point the line is very detached from its context, initially it was linked to Bacon and Hobbes. I honestly think this is just a very convenient name for an attack of a character following a philosophy/sciences/knowledge thematic.

Intellectual midwifery (skill): Socrates, and platonism. I talked about this before.

Syllogistic paradox (ultimate): Syllogistic paradoxes were one of my favourite things when I was studying. Syllogisms are a form of logic reasoning, which consist of two premises and one conclusion. Though the premises may be true, and though the reasoning may be sensible, at times contradictory or illogical conclusions may be reached. This is a syllogistic paradox. Why this happens is because of a myriad of reasons, like the differences between natural and logical language, or the development of theories (the paradoxes in set theory are among my favourite things ever). I personally like to draw a strong distinction between paradoxes and contradictions. Anyway, I have a lot to say about this haha In general, this is what the name of the ultimate is referencing. It works well with Ratio’s traces. It also goes well with some of the other subjects present in his characterisation, like platonism, Descartes and such; there are a lot of paradoxes that arise from many of the theories that play with such topics. I think reading Alice in Wonderland’s apparent madness through the lenses of logic makes us see that most of those incongruences are actually pretty logical; many of them iirc are syllogistic paradoxes. Carroll was a logician. I mention this because this, as well as many other ideas present in Ratio, work extremely well with Penacony.

Cogito, ergo sum (talent): this is a line by Descartes, a rationalist. This too is something that fits Penacony incredibly well. Descartes starts doubting knowledge, ends up questioning pretty much everything, establishes inspired by mathematics and logic a method of acquiring the truth, and in the research of true knowledge he starts doubting everything with a methodical doubt to be able to tell what knowledge stands after being hit by doubt, and why, and try to reconstruct knowledge from there. Ratio’s lines about “seeking answers with a negative hypothesis in mind”, “When one is immersed in academic research, scepticism comes more naturally than belief” or “Pursuit tinged with negativity is still pursuit, and it is capable of leading us to the right conclusion” reminded me of Descartes’ method. One of the steps in the process is doubting one’s own existence, but since I (pardon the “I”, but the first person is very important in Descartes) doubt, then I think, and since I think, then I exist; cogito, ergo sum. This is closely related to platonism in some senses, and while Descartes’ philosophy comes in part from a criticism of scholasticism, it still has ties to it, but Descartes was a massive breakthrough in the history of Philosophy. I also won't dwell on this, but this is fascinating imo haha 

Anyway, Descartes’ doubt about the existence of reality, of the world, is heavily linked to dreams, because in dreams we believe things are real but are not, so equally we could be at every moment in a dream and not be aware of that; only the existence of oneself is clear of this doubt (Zhuangzi’s text about the butterfly plays with this too; I comment this because butterflies have appeared in Penacony and the Zhuangzi’s text seems to play in an interesting way with the concept of “I”, taking it a different route than Descartes, which is a very intriguing idea but I don’t know much of Chinese philosophy at all). The concept of simulated realities, Matrix-like settings and such, all are strongly linked to this conception of Descartes, even though similar things existed previously (such as Plato’s allegory of the cave), and this works very well with Penacony again. Obviously, Descartes’ theory is strongly dualist, and it’s even established a body-mind dualism. The idea of the ghost in the shell also comes in great part from Descartes. Descartes’ view of the body was not too unlike that of a machine. 

This was in a time in which clockwork and automatons were quickly advancing and fascinating people. Physic theories started to look (even more) like clockwork, with the universe as clockwork and god as a watchmaker that put it into place and then let it run its perfect course, needing or not (depending on the theory) adjustments from the watchmaker from time to time. I said before that harmony was linked to both the cosmos and the body, with the body in part being a reflection of the cosmos, and even linked to it by the harmony of the spheres. This new way of approaching the cosmological and human issues and developing Physics still has echoes of that. Newton, who is referenced in one of Ratio’s idle animations, is one of the epitomes of this concept of the universe as clockwork. Again, I don’t know how much they’ll do with these ideas nor even if they were written on purpose, but it all works so well with Penacony it would be a pity if they did nothing with this.

Another thing I want to note about Descartes is that besides mentally detaching himself from everything while doubting in his deconstruction and construction of knowledge, seeking undoubtable truths, he famously did so physically as well for some time when he first started thinking about the matters in his Discourse on the Method one night: “having no diverting company and fortunately also no cares or emotional turmoil to trouble me”, while he “spent the whole day shut up in a small room heated by a stove, in which I could converse with my own thoughts at leisure”. This reminded me a lot of Ratio’s head and how he uses it: “with the headpiece on, isolated from my five senses, i can think without interference”, “he put on a headgear to keep away all external distractions and completely focus on thinking? Who else in the world could manage that?”.

Mold of idolatry (technique): this links mainly again to the theory of Forms of Plato, with that representation of something else that is what is real. The name of the technique and what it does works well also with the idea of idolatry, especially of idolatry of false gods, idols or even falsehood in general, and how Ratio criticises people’s blind infatuation with geniuses. It also reminds me of Nietzsche’s Twilight of the Idols, or, How to Philosophise with a Hammer. Among other things, Nietzsche heavily criticises platonism and platonic philosophy, and mostly all western philosophers (he has kind words for Heraclitus, for instance). 

Wiseman’s folly (ultimate’s effect): the idea that knowledge or beholding the truth brings to something similar to madness or ends up leading to foolishness is a very common one. Many of the Ancient Greece philosophers were said to have been extravagant. Diogenes the Cynic and Heraclitus were two such examples. Democritus was said to have plucked out his own eyes. Empedocles is said to have killed himself in a volcano. There’s Nietzsche, Georg Cantor, Kurt Gödel. It is the idea of the wise ending up being very much like the fool, but also the idea of the wise ending up losing sight of basic truths I believe, in that alienation from the world.

Know thyself (eidolon): this is what was inscribed in the temple of Apollo in Delphi I spoke of before. This is linked to Heraclitus, Socrates, Plato and platonism, of course. I think when it comes to Ratio that’s it, really. But this maxime has had a lot of implications and interpretations in different contexts and at different times. It could be seen as just a salutation, recommending temperance, the idea of knowing oneself and one’s limitations as key to succeed when approaching subjects or problems, the first step of getting to know anything at all, humans and the world being closely linked and even reflection of god so studying one helps studying the other, etc.

Vincit Omnia Veritas (eidolon): the translator says this means “eternal truth” in Chinese, which would play way better with the philosophical ideas and concepts present in Ratio while still playing with his name, “Veritas”. I won’t dwell on this because I’ve already talked about the link between eternal truths and Ratio a lot, and besides I can’t even confirm this is the true meaning because I don’t know Chinese.

Eidolon “The divine is in the details” seems to be a reference to a Chinese idiom that comes from a book. I don’t know if it has greater significance, but if anyone knows I am all ears. The other eidolons obviously work with Ratio, but I don’t see obvious philosophical influences so I’m skipping them.

Esse est percipi (ultimate line): “To be is to be perceived”. This is a line by Berkeley and linked to his philosophy. He criticises both dualism and materialism. The core idea is that the world’s existence is entirely dependent on the mind, that things don’t exist unless they are perceived and thought. His justification for one’s own existence seems to come from this perception, as Descartes’ came from thinking: “I do nevertheless know that I, who am a spirit or thinking substance, exist as certainly as I know my ideas exist”. Parmenides has a similar idea in his poem. I don’t think this was intended to be read too much into when it comes to Ratio, but I think it fits nicely with the other topics he has going on, and the dichotomy they often entail. It also works well with Ratio’s plaster head, with how he says “I don't have to set eyes on stupid people. Of course, they don't want to see me either”, with how he uses it to go unnoticed or unrecognised in both Herta’s Space Station and Penacony, and I think it could be overread or taken to more exaggerated levels in a juicy manner reading this under the notion of nothingness, mediocrity and being disregarded by Nous. 

One of the listed researched achievements of Ratio is in the field of epistemology. Epistemology is the field that studies knowledge. Although studied in particular at times, it is of course often linked to ontological conceptions; all the philosophical theories I’ve stated carry with them epistemological implications as well as ontological. In one of Ratio’s character stories there’s a mention to epistemic logic which is, speaking broadly, a logical approach to the analysis of knowledge. 

Another one of his listed achievements is in natural theology, which is the study of god through reason and logic instead of things such as transcendental experiences or revelations. This is very common in philosophy in general. It often has to do as well with the world as a harmonious whole, god as watchmaker/the universe as clockwork, and teleology. I will mention Newton and Darwin here because Newton is referenced in Ratio’s idle animation, and Darwin because he broke up with the teleological tradition when it came to the world. Ratio’s work is named Aeons: A Natural Phenomenon, and the title and its description, how its “Aeon non-theism”, makes it seem to me like he wrote of Aeons as if they were just another form of life or something that pertains to nature itself and not detached from it, which although very different from Darwin’s ideas did remind me of how he dismissed teleology in nature. This also clearly links, in my opinion, to Ruan Mei.

Other than that I also want to note Ratio’s final speech to Screwllum about inspiring doubt and scepticism when it comes to established ideas and geniuses. It reminded me of Socrates, how he was said to have “perverted” youth inspiring all that questioning among other things. It reminded me of Nietzsche, how he fervently encouraged individuals to use critical thinking, question dogmas and preconceived ideas they could have, and come up with their own conclusions that does not mean necessarily negating absolutely everything they held true before the questioning (this exchange between Screwllum and Ratio: “Screwllum:  «You wish to uproot the researchers' blind worship of geniuses».  Dr. Ratio: «I am only laying out my questions».”). It also pointedly reminded me of Kant's “Sapere aude!”, “Dare to know!”,  and his text What Is Enlightenment?, in which among other things Kant talks about the lack of courage, not of intellect, of people to think for themselves, how humanity lives in a constant immaturity or adolescence of the mind, and urges them to get out of that state, to dare to know. Kant was greatly influenced by rationalism but said to have awaken from the rationalist slumber thanks to empiricism; the plays on rationalism and empiricism, deduction and induction, and the presence of idealism in the rest of Ratio’s writing as well as this fervent push for people to snap out of their lack of criticism and dare to think for themselves are what made me think of Kant here.

There’s more things to talk about Ratio, like his view on mediocrity and geniuses, and how that view is constructed and described in traces through fragments in his lore, the character stories, snippets of conversations; how he seems to be so similar in character and drive to geniuses, but never accepted as one, and how he is regarded as very different and eccentric by “normal” people, even in the Guild. In short, how he is detached from both the “normal” people and geniuses, like suspended between both states without being either completely, and how it makes so much sense in this context that he tries to breach the rift between both. I couldn’t help but mention this, to avoid forgetting this aspect of his characterisation in the future, but I won’t dwell on this because it isn’t really directly linked to any philosophical influence that I can think of.

I think this is it. Hopefully I didn’t forget anything important. And I’m sorry it is so long, but I really tried to summarise. As I said, I may well be reading too much into some of these things, but I also think that since Ratio plays with many of the core authors and concepts in the history of western philosophy, some things I expect were not intended by the writers still are present somewhat, because mentioning this or that thing alongside this or that other thing ends up having implications if you know a bit of the context. 

I hope this was clear enough. However, I can try to explain myself better or further if I wasn’t. Philosophy may look unapproachable and dry at times at first, but it really isn't, it just needs one to get accustomed to some basic terminology, and it becomes fascinating and beautiful, and lifechanging haha. I would love it if Ratio is making people get a little bit more invested or interested in it, or open to explore it. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy is a good place to check the main ideas, texts and authors that may spike someone’s interest if anyone wants to read further about anything I've said or compare sources, but tbh I think even Wikipedia can be useful with getting a first feel of some basic ideas to know what to look for.  And although I am not an authority or the most trustworthy source at all, I will help as best as I can if someone reading this has any further question. I recommend reading the texts firsthand though, with historical context in mind and footnotes perhaps if possible, and making one's own mind about everything.

[sweetgirlcirce]

Tw: consensual somno and hardcore choking

I want Simon Riley to put me in a real thight headlock until i pass out and then he fucks my unconscious body, using me like a fleshlight until he’s satisfied, calling me a slut for enjoying being used like this.

Then after that, Simon wakes me and bathes me and gives me the sweetest aftercare ever

[jacksintention]

I can't read people's opinions on PH for ten minutes straight without feeling a little sick. People not only read with their asses, but also clearly don't care about translations

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Okay, I just need vent space and I've run out of options, so this is gonna be a long, irregular, personal post from me. I should probably delete this later, but I'm a little panicky and maybe someone has some resources or advice in the meanwhile.

So I just had a baby back in February (woo!). My wife carried him, but he's still my son of course. His name is William and he's perfect. (I'd post pics but, y'know, the internet being what it is now...) My wife and I love him dearly, he's everything we could have asked for and everything we worked towards for years. I'm so glad and so grateful to have him. But

So, I probably don't need to tell you this, but childcare in the US Fucking. Sucks. Like, it's designed to bankrupt you. Nowhere has availability and the cost is so high, one of us might as well quit our job and stay home with him full time. Which we would gladly do! My wife and I would love to afford to stay home and raise our children because, god, we'd like to have more kids one day. But we couldn't make rent with just one of our incomes or we could, and then only eat 3 weeks out of every month. And you can say goodbye to more children or moving into a house, that shit is Gone.

So, we don't have William in daycare currently because it would be financially devastating. We both stayed home with him as long as we could but again, see above, the US would rather kill you than allow you to do healthy things for yourself and your family. I got 2 weeks off, then 2 weeks virtual, and then 2 weeks mostly in person. That's all the parental leave I was allowed and it would have been the same if I had carried, btw. My wife got 3 months which, and I'm disgusted to say this, is pretty fucking good for our area. But now we're both back at work and someone has to look after our beautiful 3 month old while we work.

My job has no daycare available. There's no union and our insurance is so bad I'm on my wife's, so of course there's nothing else available to support employees. And my job won't allow me to stay virtual for the time being, they'd sooner fire me. Even now during the summer when there's just, literally, Less To Do. But I digress. And my wife is an oncology pharmacy tech, she can't possibly take her fucking baby to work or work from home in that job. So this leaves us with an impasse.

Now my wife and I aren't stupid. We knew all this when we started down the path to having kids. We had conversations with our parents, mostly her parents, about if they were willing to watch our kids when we had to go back to work. Her parents agreed they could do this and they were given many, many opportunities to test run watching William for extended periods before the harsh reality of my wife going back to work. Well, it's a week and a half in and they'd like to call it quits.

That's not fair exactly. They'd like to have him less of the time and on the one hand, I do understand. A baby is a full time job, one I would gladly do if I didn't need money to live. I'm well aware of the incredible strain and stress and commitment it is. It's work, physically, emotionally, temporally, taking care of a baby. You are required to sacrifice your time and energy to the baby because the baby has no other options. So your house gets messy, your eating gets irregular. Of course they're struggling. Of course it's an adjustment. And, in some ways, perhaps my wife and I do ask too much. But here's the thing: they knew this a year ago. My wife and I have been painfully clear about our financial situation and about our options. We're only asking her parents because we have so few resources and because they are both retired. They have the time, if not the energy or inclination, to take care of a baby during those hours my wife and I are required to sacrifice in different ways. I cannot emphasize enough I would rather be home with my child, but for some strange reason, no one will pay me my 51K salary to do that!

I know it's hard on them. They're old, in middling health, with a badly behaved dog and a crumbling house they refuse to sell. There is much that would be aggravating about adding a baby to that mix. But I very much resent that we gave them so much time to think about it and to reconsider before this point, before my wife and I were stuck on our present course with little hope of turning the ship. I cannot help but be aware that grandpa, in particular, is not doing much to help with the situation and is in fact a large part of the problem.

He didn't raise his own children, so professes he has none of the skill to help now. And yet he expects his wife to still wait on him hand and foot while she goes out of her way to help us with the infant. His anxiety is entirely unmanaged, he's conflict averse, he has no idea how to train a dog and is the reason that poor animal is so reactive. He exhibits learned helplessness and his passive aggression drives me up the wall. But I can't fight this man head on without causing a deep rift in the family dynamic and my wife loves her family so much. He's the only reason we can't sell that fucking property for a tidy profit and then he and his wife could move in with my family and we could all buy a bigger place together and live much more happily. Financially, it would salvage the catastrophic situation my country and government has left me in. And I can't even have that conversation because the stubborn old bastard is determined to die in that moldy, pest-filled house and will not hear a word different.

This is me being unfair. He didn't raise his children because he was a cad or deadbeat, but because of his job. He was traveling and when he wasn't traveling, he was working 18 hour days because my wife's family is working class and had only his income to raise 3 children on. He did provide for all 5 people and various dogs in that house. And I'm sure he wants to enjoy retirement his way after all this time. I don't mean to detract from his accomplishments or his work ethic. But I have noticed how unwilling he is to compromise on anything that touches on his preferences, his routine. He expects the world to bend around him, in large part because it always has. His wife and children have made excuses and compromises for him this whole time because of the sacrifices he was making. But that in turn has made him inflexible and stubborn and frankly insupportable when it comes to assisting other people with their needs. Made worse by the obsequious veneer of 'oh, I'll just make it worse, really, you're better off without me' or insisting 'it's fine, no really, you go on' all the while stewing in anger that will explode at some unmitigated point further down the line, at great inconvenience and discomfort to all. His feelings are wildly unmanaged because he's convinced he's just a nice guy doing his best. Instead of an ill-bred chihuahua barking at everyone because no one taught him how to manage distress.

Regardless... being mad at him won't get me much. And I am mad, I'm mad that there's several options here that would ameliorate the situation that are not open to me because he won't allow it. But I'd have to convince at least 2, more likely 3 or 4 people to turn on a man they've known their whole lives. And that's not going to happen. Even if it did, the emotional fall out would be hell and I can't ask that sort of pain from people. If they come to it on their own, I'll be here for them, but I can't ask anyone to break from their father or husband just because I think I have a better idea.

So I'm stuck. They can't take William 5 days a week anymore, daycare is still prohibitively expensive, and my wife and I can't squeeze more time out of our work to make ends meet ourselves.

So then there's my family. My father is retired, my mother is not though she is of retirement age, and my sister is a pock-marked asteroid looping aimlessly through life. My mother is open to taking William on weekends, but last I knew, her weekday availability was scant. I will revisit that conversation though, in mad hope that there's something here. My relationship with my family is... strained. I broke from them due to how they treated me years ago. None of them have forgiven me and mostly they don't understand why I did it. But my mother is a child expert. She has 13 siblings and was raising some of them before she left the farm for college. She raised me and my sister and my father was even pretty involved. I don't think my father has much interest in tending a baby, but he does like children and will at least be interested in playing when William is old enough to properly play. Right now William is at the early grabbing stage so, we're getting there. My sister professed to me that she hates babies, but I have made her hold William on occasion so, even her asshole behavior can be tempered. Also, she could always move the fuck out like I've been begging her to do for Years. But I don't really have any guarantees of what's available here or how shit they will treat me for asking for help. Lord, I can't wait to be lectured about how I shouldn't have had children if I couldn't afford it. About how this whole mess is my responsibility, like everyone raises children alone, no one ever asks for help or calls on resources. Yes, I can't wait to be chided about my idiot decisions and how this proves me unfit to be an adult.

... just some of the reasons we didn't go to my family first.

But this is the position I'm left with. I have to ask, beg for help from people who will treat me poorly and use this fact as an excuse to discredit and disrespect me because my father in law doesn't like it when the baby cries in his very loud and disorganized house. I will have to financially devastate myself and any hopes I had for the future to accommodate his preferences. He can't take it any more, he's run out of patience, so I guess the rest of us just get to suffer.

We have other friends we can beg as well I guess. We've got coworkers with young children, I guess we can ask what they're doing. I will try to resolve this. Just right now I feel sick. My wife was sobbing and in an anxiety spiral all last night when this revelation came. There are no easy answers, only degrees of bad ones. And it hurts that the person voicing a valid concern isn't mature enough to have a meaningful conversation on it. If I came to him with the terrible reality my wife and I were left with, he'd fold like a turtle, lie and insist everything was fine and there was no reason to have us do all that, only for him to explode again the next second something inconvenienced him. That's not a mature, adult conversation, that's a child throwing a tantrum. And it's not helpful to me, it doesn't provide me with any solutions, it just means I get roped into doing his emotional processing for him, like everyone else in his life. And I am asked to cause great harm to myself and then lie to him that it's all fine because his wittle swelf percweption couldn't take it if I told him the truth. I can't fucking stand it.

So if you have any tips or suggestions about how to make childcare more affordable, if you know any avenues that could apply here... I'm all ears.

And if you read the whole thing, thank you. I'm pretty fucked up, but I feel better for having written it all down. Thanks.

[bananindu]

I would like someone to be the bana of my nindu

[crvingadeptvs]

Buggy x reader

Requested by a friend (kinda)

Tw! Edging, mxm, smut, dacryphilia

DNI: ageless accounts, ppl against mlm, minors, homophobic, proshippers

Sweat dropped from his eyebrows as he pants softly, looking down at you, who was between his legs. You’d been teasing buggy for about an hour now. “Please (y/n)…I’ve been good…” he whines softly. You just smirk against his tip before licking a stripe from the base to the tip. “Your right…you have been” buggy gasped softly “please…” you chuckled before standing up and kissing him on the forehead “fine, since you’ve been good”

-

Buggy gasped from the cold feeling of lube on his entrance and at the proding of his lovers fingers. You chuckled before pushing both of your fingers inside of him. He moaned loudly as he bites onto a blanket he laid atop of. You smirked and immediately started to scissor your fingers against his prostate. “Ahh!…fu-uck (y/n)!….slow down” he interrupted himself with pathetic whimpers and whines. You only sped up, abusing his prostate until he was crying and holding on for dear life, trying not to cum.

-

This was gonna be a long night of teasing and overstimulation…

[la-cinephile]

Adar fan art : second try. Still not perfect, a lot to improve but I think (hope?) I can only get better with practice.

The reference for this fan art 👇

[groovy-rat-man]

I was gonna make a post about how i literally cannot imagine myself in five years or or five months or five weeks because it feels like I'm just going to be exactly where I am right now forever like it's not that there isn't light at the end of the tunnel it's that there's nothing but tunnel and then I realized that's a sign that you're suicidal lol

[longagoitwastuesday]

People with Toj.i loving (or even Get.o loving tbh) usernames liking my JJK posts is always kinda baffling. They make me check my tags on the posts they liked because either I wasn't clear about how much I abhor that man in them or they are very open to criticism about their fave character/the character they have the hots for

[autumn-mint-tea]

man people were (and still are i suppose) so mean about trubbish and vanilite and called them bad design which is just wild when theyre from the same generation as the timburr line

[jnsmeyv]

"𝙄 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙚"

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader |Angst?| Warning: Mentions of death ( this isn't proofread and this is so poorly written)

The battlefield was chaotic with all of the gunfire and explosions. Ghost moved swiftly as he tried clear out every area that can be a possible enemy hideout. You and him were both determined to find victory in this mission. Though, in the back of Ghost's mind, he couldn't shake the bad feeling of you getting hurt.

As Ghost fought through the hostile forces, something rang in his earpiece. It was your voice, weak and strained. "Lt.... i need help.."

Fear gripped Ghost's heart. The last time he felt this feeling was when he was a little boy, hiding from the wrath of his father.

He sprinted towards the source of the signal. Each step felt like an eternity, his mind and his heart was racing. He couldn't help but think about the countless missions you both had to go through. He was always there for you, always ready to catch you when you fall. But this time it's different.

Finally, he reached a dimly lit alley where he found your almost lifeless form, struggling to stay conscious. Your blood pooling into the ground with a faint smile on your lips as your eyes met his.

"My Simon" you called out his name, barely above a whisper.

Ghost hurriedly rushed to your side, dropping his knees. He scanned your injuries while trying to comprehend everything that's happening. "Hang on love, I'll get you outta here." his voice cracked.

"Simon, It's too late for me. You have to go" you weakly held Simon's hand.

"No, [Name] i wont leave you here." Ghost spoke out, his voice trembling with emotion. He couldn't afford to lose you. You were the most important thing that came in to his life, You were the only one he had left; the only one who saw him as Simon.

With every ounce of strength he had to muster, Ghost carried you to safety, trying to shield you from any possible threats along the way, while he contacted the rest of the 141.

As both of you reach the extraction point, you smiled at Ghost "Your always the stubborn one" your voice barely audible. "Take good care of yourself yeah?"

"Don't talk like that." Simon pleaded, his heart breaking at the sight of you. "Your going to make it. You have to."

You reached up gently touched his cheek "Remember the promises we made? that... no one was going to be left behind"

Your words struck into Ghost's heart. He couldn't save you this time.

"Promise me Simon. Promise me that you'll be takin' care of yourself, even if im gone." you spoke out. Ghost didnt say a word but he simply took off his blacalava and rested his forehead with yours.

"I love you, Si"

"I love you too."

----- ✧⁠*° -----

Days, months and even years have passed, Simon still feels the weight and grief of your loss. He tried to keep the promise of taking care of himself but, he just can't. Without you he's nothing.

He would visit your grave daily, talking about everything. The little things he saw that reminded him of you, the way he kept all your belongings in his place. The pain of losing you never subsided but he knew he had to keep going, he had to live for you.

"I promise, [name]. I'll never forget you. I promise that i'll keep you in my heart forever."

[foxykate42]

To think. At one point in time, on planet earth, there were shipping containers full of physical copies of Bungie's videogame "Destiny" and no one made a manifest joke.

[staronet]

I believe that we are made up of the people who came before us. My brother never got to meet his great uncle, but he has a smile just like his. I have my father's side of the family's looks, the dark brown eyes of mine I've seen them staring back at me in a photo of my great great grandmother.

When I read my ancestors stories I feel that connection to them. It's like I can sense their presence there with me, that their lived experiences flow through my viens.

So when I found out I am a direct descendent of Joseph Smith. A vile man who made the very cult that i grew up in. I felt like my blood was on fire for days after I could feel it flowing through me. The sense that he is now a part of me haunts me.

I find no comfort or joy learning what he did, reading his writings. I dont know exactly how I'll be able to cope with this. How do I really live with it? Ever since I was a child I have always felt guilty, like my very soul was tainted from the beginning. I used to think that it was god rejecting me, that he had meant to throw me out and I somehow ended up here. I think now, it was cause deep down i carry a part of that man with me.