#i should delete this but this is my personal diary so whatever man

[tomb-mold]

i used to not really care that much about my appearance or whether people thought i was attractive beyond the """normal""" amount of what a woman who LiVeS iN a SoCiETy and is therefore subjected to scrutiny and misogynistic standards of beauty (and especially as one with a strong inclination toward rejecting those standards) would, but for some reason ive been having a fucking crisis of identity nearly every few weeks for like the past 6 or so months. every single feature of mine is repulsive to me i cant stand looking in a mirror or catching a glimpse of myself at a different angle or lighting than what im used to seeing and it triggers such intense feelings of disgust, and then sick at the fact that i cant change any of it and im just stuck looking like this. i see so many beautiful people everywhere and wish i had what they do and feel so sad that i never will. and like i KNOW i shouldnt care and that shouldnt bother me so much because its perfectly fine to just not be attractive, but holy shit i feel so gross all the time and i just wanna know uhhhhh will i ever be free LMAO

[wisecrackingeric-2]

Oooooooooo. Oh no. I’m breaking my super mysterious persona to use tumblr as a personal trauma dumping diary aur naur !!!!!!!! Uh vent under cut but I really R E A L L Y Need to reiterate I’m not looking for pity or sympathy at all I just need a place to write all this down!!!!!! If you have advice ofc that’s always welcome but I’m not trying to centre myself at all or make anything about me I just need a space to vent !!!!!

I’m obviously not the first person to say this but I REALLY REALLY HATE the passage of time. I hate that it’s almost the new years and all of my art and posts and other peoples art is gonna be from last year or just have the ‘2023’ label on it. I hate that people are going to move on from my interests and I am TERRIFIED that IIIIIII may also move on. That scares me so unbelievably bad. I hate it so so much I hate that I can’t just pause time or pause my anxiety or autism or ocd to make me stop worrying for two seconds. I hate that so many things are gonna be in the past- like what do you MEAN re4r is gonna be a YEAR OLD in March of next year???????? I cant do that shit man!!!!!!! I can’t see people move on!!!!!!!!!

I HATE being reminded of how fickle everything is so so so SO much. Everytime E V E R Y T I M E something good happens to me, it’s paired with something bad- literally every time without fail. I hate that I can’t enjoy those good things cuz I’m subconsciously constantly waiting for something bad to happen.

For the first time since I came out to my parents in March 2022 I feel like I actually have a future to look forward to. I feel like I actually have things to work towards!!!!!! Projects I can start!!!!!!!! Friends to enjoy them with!!! Things to be EXCITED about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then like clockwork I’m brutally reminded of the fact that that could all come crashing down and all of my friends could dissapear off of the face of tumblr forever and it’s all fickle and delicate and why should I enjoy the present if I know bad things are gonna come right after???????????

I hate that this thing that’s brought me comfort and security in my life is so delicate. I could get hate crimed and ran off the internet like what happened on Twitter, my account could get deleted, Etc etc-

And worst of all I could loose my friends in the blink of an eye. They could take a break one day and never return. Something could happen to them and I’d never know. They could leave tumblr forever with no warning and I’d have no way of contacting them whatsoever. It’s happened before to me and it caused me SO much anxiety. I’ve had friends who’ve gone on breaks only to pass away and it leaves me wishing I’d DONE ANYTHING to help them or wishing that I spent more time with them or told them I loved them just a lil mroe

I’ve been so stressed out trying to finish as much stuff as I can before the end of the year cuz of arbitrary rules I’ve set for myself. This is the first time I get to be excited for the future yet I’m constantly knocked down and reminded WHY I SHOULDNT be excited.

Everything’s moving on and everything’s so delicate it could all slip away from me in a the blink of an eye and getting to the end of the year and seeing friends take breaks or say that they may have to leave for whatever reason is only making that anxiety worse.

Not to mention my goddamn parents got a divorce. I havent talked about it hete often cuz I feel like if I did it’d be all I talked about NDNEHENEJWN but it’s taken a MASSIVE toll on me. The fact that they’ll never be the same and I’ll never feel completely secure in life ever again has taken its toll on me.

I hate that there’s no solution to this. ‘Just move on/keep going in spite’ doesn’t work for me. I don’t WANT things to move on I don’t WANT things to change I don’t WANT to loose my friends and the community I’ve worked so hard to build and everything I’ve created again. I don’t wanna move on and it hurts so bad.

I don’t want the new years to roll around.

[ladyeliot]

Show me your phone

Request: Anonymous: Hiii I adore your writing!!! I was wondering if you could write cevansxfemale reader (famous or not) where he’s on jimmy fallon playing show me you phone and your relationship is revealed? ❤️

Pairing: Chris Evans x Famous!Female Reader

Warnings: No one/Fluff

Word count: 1536

A/N: Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

The two of you had met by chance one autumn night ten months ago. Quite unexpected, unusual and with tremendous prejudices towards each other, because of the image the media projected of you.

It was obvious that you weren’t born for each other, or at least that’s what you thought the first time you went on your first date. But then one thing led to another, and your sporadic encounters in the most unusual places made you realise that maybe it would be better to give each other a chance to erase those prejudices you had in your minds. And so it was that as the days, weeks and months went by, you began to be in a relationship without being aware of the fact. You understood each other very well, you both worked in the same sector and that allowed you to understand and accept each other in many aspects.

For the time being you kept your relationship a secret, you were afraid of breaking the magic, of the media destroying what you had created. So your life as a couple was reduced to intimacy, living together and escapes to places far from the hand of God. However, you knew that sooner or later it would be discovered, it didn’t worry you too much, but you wanted to strengthen your relationship as much as possible until that moment arrived.

That night, Chris was going to be interviewed on Jimmy Fallon’s late night show because of the recent release of the movie Avengers: Endgame. It was common on nights when Chris was on one of the late night shows for you to stay at home, cook your favourite meal and wait on the couch with Dodger to watch him on TV. Before he came on, you used to send him a text message encouraging him and a picture of you and Dodger on your couch. It was like a ritual for both of you.

In a millisecond that message reached the other side of town, where Chris was staring at the image with a slightly scandalous laugh. He was in his dressing room, minutes away from going on air, and could barely reply with “I love you both”. 

The interview was great, Chris talked about the day the cast said their goodbyes and how Antony Mackie found out that Captain America was going to give Falcon his shield. All the anecdotes that any Marvel fan would love to hear. Yet, as is well known, Jimmy Fallon’s shows bring with them a number of embarrassing moments for the interviewee, as well as the interviewer. 

That night both Chris and Jimmy were going to play ‘Show me your phone’, a game where they had to show whatever material was hidden on their mobile phones. The moment they got up from their respective seats, Chris realised that he hadn’t deleted any of your conversations, you were present in his whatsapp, his picture gallery, his social media messages, emails… in other words, his whole phone was a personal diary of your relationship.

His nervousness was present as he took a seat opposite Jimmy at the circular table. In front of them there was a red button, in the centre a mobile phone holder and next to it was an electronic panel showing all the possibilities that could come up, as if it were a wheel of fortune. There was the icon for Whatsapp, Safari, the photo gallery, Instagram, email, last calls, notes…

“Okay, do you know how this works?” asked Jimmy putting on his jacket. “Well, for those of you who don’t know, here’s how this works. Chris and I will take turns pressing the red button we have here, which will randomly select one of these icons we have on the board.” Chris began to laugh somewhat nervously. “Each icon will reveal something we need to share on our phone…”

The audience began to laugh too at the worried gestures they were both making.

“Just so you know, neither of us know what’s behind each icon.” Jimmy looks at Chris who was still laughing. “Are you ready?”

“I’m not too sure about this,” Chris shared scratching his beard. “I forgot to clean some stuff off my phone.”

“That makes two of us,” Jimmy said laughing along with him. “Alright, here we go. Since you’re the guest you press first.”

“What an honour,” Chris said wryly, which drew laughter from the audience. “Here we go!”

Chris pressed the red button and quickly the icons on the panel began to light up, and you stood expectantly contemplating the moment. On the one hand the situation was amusing, but on the other hand you were completely scared and wished that what he had said about cleaning his phone wasn’t true.

The light stopped specifically on the Safari browser icon, so that a text was displayed that said 'Show us your last Google search’. Chris frowned and looked thoughtful.

“Safari, show us your last Google search,” Jimmy repeated.

“Okay!” exclaimed Chris grabbing his phone and heading to the app. “If I’m being honest I have no idea what my last search was… Oh!" 

Chris started laughing without showing his phone, which caused everyone around him to laugh hilariously.

"Okay, okay,” Chris set the mobile down on the small platform. “I thought it was a funny idea.”

The camera pointed straight at him, checking that his last search had been 'Halloween costume ideas for your dog’. The set erupted in laughter, Jimmy clasped his hands to his chest, laughing his head off.

“This- This is so funny,” he said between guffaws. “Did you find anything interesting?”

“I did!” began Chris. “I found a really funny Mario and Luigi one, but it wasn’t too scary, you know. I’ve got to keep looking.”

“Yeah, not too much,” concluded Jimmy. “Come on! Here we go. My turn.”

The panel came back on, the light moving between icons until it stopped on the 'YouTube’ app. Jimmy frowned, and the panel informed him that it should show the history of videos watched.

“Come on, show us those videos!” exclaimed Chris encouragingly.

“I’m extremely scared,” said Jimmy with a serious and comical look on his face, reaching for his mobile phone. “I have no idea… Oh!” he began to laugh. “Okay, okay. This… I’m not good at cooking, don’t judge me.”

'How to cook oatmeal’, 'Easy oatmeal recipe’, 'Oatmeal ideas you need to try’. The audience started laughing.

“All right, all right,” Jimmy held up his hands. “I can explain. The other day was Mother’s Day, and my kids and I wanted to make my wife a special breakfast, so we had to help ourselves to YouTube.”

“That’s pretty cool man!” exclaimed Chris.

“Yes, my wife ate her breakfast,” he laughed and picked up his mobile phone. “And she’s still alive for now, so it was a triumph.”

On the other side of New York City, you were watching the show with amusement, curled up next to Dodger on the couch. You were so engrossed that you barely noticed Chris’s Whatsapp icon pop up.

“Show us the last message you sent on Whatsapp” Jimmy read out eliciting cheers from the audience. “Come on!”

Chris reddened and ran his hand over his face.

“Alright, alright,” he began to laugh nervously. “It says there the last message I sent, the person too?”

“Well, you have to put the mobile phone down,” Jimmy laughed.

“Okay,” Chris started to look up. “Last text message…” he took a breath and looked at Jimmy hesitantly.“Oh man…”

Your last conversation appeared before everyone’s eyes, showing only the last photograph you had sent him with Dodger and Chris’s reply 'I love you both’. Chris’s countenance showed an inner nervousness, hidden in a nervous laugh and flushed cheeks.

“Wait, wait,” Jimmy said looking at him and frowning “She’s Y/N Y/L/N with your dog? With Dodger?”

The audience exclaimed a sweet 'aw’ when they got a glimpse of the photograph, but Chris was scratching his beard nervously.

“This is really sweet!” said Jimmy looking at Chris, “This is really cute.” “I know, I know,” Chris commented, nodding slowly.

“Are you two-?” asked Jimmy hesitantly, to which Chris took another breath, somewhat embarrassed by the situation.

“I think so,” Chris laughed nervously. “I mean, I don’t know what’s going to happen after this.”

Jimmy laughed, accompanied by the audience.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry,” Jimmy handed the mobile phone back to Chris. “We’ll invite Y/N over next week and let her have her revenge on you.”

Both the audience and you from your living room started to burst out laughing. Contrary to what you might have thought right now, Steve wasn’t angry at all, not even annoyed, you were even a little relieved. Your relationship had been made known to the world naturally, as if you were just another couple texting each other and telling each other how much you love each other. Now you just had to face a new day-to-day life.

Taglist Open (DM)

MAIN MASTERLIST

[the-shiftshop]

Hey Diary - Part 4

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3 and SIDE STORY 1 of the Hey Diary Series

The day ended unexpectedly fun. Everyone was so confused why Keith and I had been laughing together, eating together and even sitting side by side in class today as if Keith never had bullied me. Some even tried to confront us, asking if Keith held me hostage. Keith had been dragging me all around with him. He even asked me to play ball with Peter and Tom, who seemed more closer than usual. I would make assumptions that my recent changes are still affecting them, but I already had deleted that log, and these two would, time by time, give hints that they’re nothing more than a friend, so I shrugged it off.

On my way home, I couldn’t get the fun out of my system. I finally felt so free to move. It’s like I can finally do whatever I want and be whatever I want to be.

Then I suddenly remembered what Keith had asked me this morning.

“Make me old enough to be a teacher for a day.”

It got me thinking about what he’s planning to do once more. It’s not that I don’t trust Keith. It’s just that I’m wondering what his goal is. It’s probably just because he wants to experience being old, or being a teacher. He looked so exhilarated when I told him all about the Diary App, so I’m pretty sure he just wants to give it a try.

At home, I didn’t waste anymore time to tinker with the app as I am very tired and I already want to fall asleep. I carefully wrote down on the app, thinking of the desired outcome I am aiming for.

Monday

Hey Diary,

Today was fun. It felt like I was friends with Keith, Peter and Tom ever since the first day we met. We all had fun together and it felt like all my problems are fixed. This morning, I talked to Keith about this Diary App. I have trusted Keith on this, and I do hope he wouldn’t take that for granted. He was super amazed with this app and the ability of it to change reality and he specifically gave me one request.

I wish that would come true, I wish Keith would turn into the person he want him to be just for a day, and that he would be aware of any changes that may occur.

With that properly typed out, I pressed save, then in just a few seconds, I lost consciousness on my bed.

---------

As soon as Felix fainted in his room, Keith was lying on his bed in the frat house, tossing and turning as he feel his body contort in uncomfortable ways. It wasn’t painful. It just felt like his body is growing far more foreign in every seconds that pass by. It’s like his body wanting to grow numb, but he can still feel pain if he try to pinch himself. With his fingers still pinching his cheeks, he noticed hair poking out to them. He proceeded to feel his face with both his hands, realizing that he’s growing a full beard. Finally recognizing what’s going on, he stopped moving around, and he instead just lied on his back and let it all happen.

He moved his hands down to his growing torso, feeling each muscles expand in his touch. He’s growing, that’s for sure, and it’s not just his body. His mind started to fog up a little, making him wince for a bit.

“I should be working on my lessons for tomorrow-” He blurted out unconsciously. He stopped himself midway, realizing what he had just said. That was the first time he said that. And not only that he meant he’ll study for a lesson, he knows he meant that he’s the one teaching them tomorrow.

He finally decided to stand up. His eyes widened when he saw that it had suddenly gone dark. Not only that, but his beddings changed. His shock soon changed into amusement when we quickly see the night change into day then back to night simultaneously, starting off slow, then it sped up. Even the weird feelings all over his body start to feel more prominent. Memories of years of teaching poured out into his brain. Names of all the student he should know popped out in his mind. Charles, that up-to-no-good student but gets straight As in his class; Marie, that campus nerd who kept asking him weird questions; Lawrence, that jock who needs to keep up with his quizzes. Keith already knew some of these students, but he started to see them in a different light. These are the students he teach, not his friends, not his classmates, not his football teammates.

Keith fell back on his knees as he started to feel tiredness.

It was exhausting feeling all of these happen in just a few minutes. It hurts his eyes to see the outside change between night and day as if like flashing images. His vision started to blur and in replace to his clear sight, a thick round glasses appear on his face.

He remember finishing college and finally started his first practice teaching. Now he’s a fully pledged professor. Everyone liked him. He can even remember students confessing their feelings for him, but of course, declining these for his job. He can remember going into classrooms, not to sit with the crowd, but to stand in front of them. He knows how to make a hard topic fun and he knows his students enjoy his class as much as how he loves to teach.

Tiredness was replaced with pleasure as he arched his back, placing both hands on his crotch, then giving a loud satisfying moan. Feeling his cock ballooned through his shorts. He slowly humped against his hands as he put more pressure on them.

He remember tons of hook ups from college up to recent. Remembering women bouncing on him, kissing him passionately, touching him with deep romantic and sexual connection. These thoughts of women is making him hard. His colleagues had been asking him why he haven’t been properly dating anyone yet, or even planning to marry anyone since he’s already nearing age of marriage, but he just enjoys having flings with a lot of people more than sticking to one, at least, for now. He knows when he will find that right person, and that person has not come yet.

He realized that both of his hands are already in his underpants, pawing that hard cock with one hand, while the other is teasing his tip. He finally had let both of his hands stroke his large shaft. He pulled his cock out of his shorts, then finally gave into pleasure.

“A-Ah! Yeah! Damn!” He cussed in his new deeper voice. Not only that he noticed his voice, he realized that his cursing got more softer, less of that slurs, but more of that expression used to show immense satisfaction. “Aww.. This feels so...”

He cut himself as he finally real his climax, cumming all of what seemed like a 14 year stock of cum all over the floor. The cum stain on the floor disappeared soon enough and his room straightened up more. Finally the quick changing of time came to a full stop.

It was morning and it’s time to take a shower and go to school.

---------

Wish was completed. Please take a picture and attach to the log to confirm change and to keep the new reality.

I stared at the pop-up message in my phone. Peter and Tom are laughing beside me while they eat their lunch. I haven’t seen Keith since morning. I’m kinda worried if I messed up with something. The suspense is killing me and I don’t like this. Tom waved a hand in front of me.

“Dude. You’re been staring in your phone since the time you got here. You fine?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just wondering where Keith has gone to.” I said.

“Keith? Who’s Keith?” Tom asked, before giving me a shocked face. “You don’t mean Professor Keith, right?” He chuckled, “Didn’t know he’s your type.” He joked.

I gave him a confused look, then realizing what he meant, I quickly tried to reply back. “N-No! It’s not like that-”

“Tom, don’t tease him. Let him like whoever he likes.” Peter laughed.

“I mean, I should’ve been saying the same. But then, who wouldn’t fall head over heels for Professor Keith? He’s damn ripped. Unlike the other professors here who focus on growing their stomach and ego, more than growing their muscles.” Tom continued eating his food.

Keith’s a professor now, huh? I guess it worked.

After lunch, we proceeded to class. More than usual, everyone had been talking about Keith. I was sitting on my chair, still staring in my phone as it display the same message. I haven’t used this phone on anything else yet.

My attention switched to Alex who walked in front of me. I haven’t seen Alex in 2 days. He looks like he wants to ask me something. I looked at him and he opened his mouth. “Hey, Felix, uhm... Can we talk-”

“Okay, class back to your seats.”

A deep voice came booming through the room. Everyone sat back to their chairs, including Alex who looks disappointed.

I looked at the man by the whiteboard. He was wearing a denim dress shirt and a black jeans. His round glasses flare with the florescent light in the room. Everyone in the room is staring at him. Most girls are looking at him with hearts in their eyes.

The man dropped his things on the table, then started roaming his eyes around the room. “Before we start our lesson. Felix, a word.” He called onto me. I looked around to see everyone looking to my direction, most of them in shock. “Come now.” He said, walking out the room.

I hurried out to follow him somewhere. He didn’t bother looking back, and I just rushed to follow him. He finally stopped where there are barely no students around. He sat down by the window and stared at me. I just stared at him back, looking from his head to toe. He scuffed and gave me a short chuckle.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” He grinned.

“I- Uhm. Sorry, prof. I don’t swing-”

“Nah! I’m messing with you, man!” He laughed. “It’s me! Keith! Well, it’s Professor Keith for you now.”

My eyes widened. This man is Keith. It worked. I mean why am I so surprised right now? I’m the one who knows about this Diary App.

“I’m enjoying this knowledge so much! I know about A LOT of stuff I never knew before. So this is how it feels to be a professor.” He flexed, touched his muscles, and basically showed off. He pulled out an apple and tossed it around. “A students gave this to me today. I never received any offer from anyone.”

“You like it?” I asked him.

“I like it? I LOVE IT! Though, I might not stay like this forever, at least I don’t want to.” He replied.

I raised my eyebrows. “Why?” I asked him.

“Well... For now I want to enjoy being this kind of adult.” He answered.

He stopped for a while, running his fingers against his chin. He then took a bite from the apple he was holding, chewing it thoroughly, then swallowing.

“The reason why I’m asking your help is... I want to experience being different people for the whole week.”

[sweetea-rosey]

Ooo hi I saw you take requests? I have a writing request if you want to :))

So here is my idea:

Remus has a notebook given to him by the other sides to write his thoughts down in. See, Remus has clear impulse control problems so this notebook of for him to write his thoughts down instead of just doing and saying whatever comes to mind. It gives him a chance to think about it. Sometimes, maybe like once a week give or take a few days one of the other sides will sit down with him and read his thoughts with him just to make him feel validated and heard. Well this particular time one of the sides (of your choice) sat down with the notebook and found some rather interesting things.

Now, you can take this one of two ways (it’s really all up to you!)- You can make this something angsty (hurt comfort), or you can make it something shippy! It can be any Remus ship you want but I personally am more partial to intrulogical hehe 💙💚

Take your time and have fun with it!! Have a good day :)

Ah! Ty for the request! I started writing it on the day you submitted it, but Tumblr deleted it after a while of not saving :') so now my motivation to do this is deterred

Anyway, this'll be my first time not writing something Roman centric =w=""

Remus held the book in his hands. He remembered the day Roman gave it to him, when he risked traveling into the dark scape because he knew his brother needed this. Because he did, too.

An outlet.

A place for his monstrosities to be, other than inside his head, allowed to torture him to their best abilities. The illusions his mind creates are no longer just in his eyes. It's no longer insanity- it's creativity. The journal isn't the first one. But he and Roman make sure to keep eachother stocked up; they get filled rather quickly. The Imagination holds an entire library dedicated to their filled journals from over the years.

The journals have also become sort of diaries to them. So, imagine what were to happen if one of them got lost? The possibility of their secrets being seen by unbidden eyes.

Remus burst into Roman's room, "Ro!"

Roman jumped from his spot at his desk, "Jeez- ! What is it?"

Oddly, for Remus, he seemed almost anxious, "Have you seen my latest journal?"

Ah, that explains it. Roman understands the severity of losing something that holds your private thoughts. He stood up from his desk chair, turning to face Remus better, "No, I haven't. Is it missing?"

Remus nodded, unable to speak through the panic coursing through his veins, the hormone mixing with the feeling of the plasma we call blood rushing through veins and arteries, rest in his heart, which is thumping with vigor, the- Remus shook himself. The imagery coming on its own with nothing to do with it, "Thoughts, thoughts thoughts, thoughts, blood, where? Everywhere? It is me, I am thoughts and blood and gore and death and slime, and..."

Roman pulled his brother in, the physical touch of his second half grounding him, finally balanced out with his brother there to help him.

"Breathe, Ree...I get it...I'll help you look for it, okay? Do you have any spare journals?"

Remus shook his head. He had just started this one, he was too busy brainstorming on the pages to remember to restock.

"Okay, do you have the focus to conjur any, right now?"

Remus shook his head again. No no, of course not! He's too focused on the one that's missing!

"Alright, that's okay, Ree. I get it. Here, use this for now," As Roman spoke, he pressed a plain black book in the unstable man's hands, "Get some thoughts out on that, then we can start looking, okay?"

Instead of answering, he made the rest of the way into the prince's room and started letting the thoughts out.

.

.

.

"Feel better?"

Remus let out a breath and nodded, "A lot, thanks. Can we go look, now?"

"Of course, let's go."

It took hours. The sun was gone in Thomas' living room and they were still tearing the place apart, searching absolutely everywhere. Remus was tempted to just dismantle the mind palace and look through the stuff that gets left behind. The fear was boiling in his gut in the ocean of acid.

"What if we don't find it? My blood, sweat, and tears went into that book! Pieces of my heart are in there, I can't lose it, what if someone else finds it and reads it?"

Roman shuddered, because he didn't believe that Remus was being metaphorical, "I understand the severity of the situation, Ree. We should go look in the Lightside, now..."

Remus shrugged as much as his slumped posture will allow, "Sure..."

"We'll find it, Ree..."

"That's not what I'm worried about. If I lose it? Fine, I have others, I can start a new one. I'm scared of someone else finding it and reading it... there's things in there I don't want others seeing..."

"I get it, you know I do. We'll get it back before anyone else can even know it exists, alright?"

Remus just shrugged off his comforting hand, "Stupid prince, always making promises you don't even know if you can keep. Don't do that to yourself and don't do it to me. I'm not stupid enough to fall for that shit."

Roman recoiled, almost physically, "Sometime, people just need reassurance."

"And then, when you're wrong? I know you don't like breaking promises, Princey."

"...Then hopefully we'll figure it out."

"You're such a fucking optimist, it's gross."

Roman rolled his eyes, "I'm helping you look, be nice, you doofus."

"Oh wow, "doofus", I'm so offended," Remus said without much effort.

Roman ignored him.

.

.

.

"It's not HERE!" Remus screamed, a pot crashing through the wall.

Roman manged to muffle the noise and quickly put it back together, "We will, this was only the first room in the Lightside. You need to calm down."

"I can't! What if someone else already found it and read it? What if they hate me? What if they never wanna talk to me again because nothing in there makes sense, what-"

Roman caught his hands, "Woah! Woah...Remus, when did you start caring so much about what the others think of you?"

"I don't!"

"But...-"

"I don't care about what Logan and the other think of me."

"Of what...Logan and the...? Remus...is this about Logan?"

Remus hesitated just long enough.

"Oh great Aphrodite, it is..."

"Aphro-? NO! No, I don't!"

"Remus, is there something about Logan on that book?"

Remus said fuck it in his mind and sighed, "Yes... I...some fantasies...that he might not approve of..."

"Oh, Remus..."

"What if he finds out, and he...? He just doesn't...?"

Roman hit his brother on the head, "This is why you're a doofus. It doesn't matter if he finds it, you have nothing to worry about."

Remus rolled his eyes. Literally. He rolled them like dice and Roman had to look away, but got the message.

"How would you know?"

It was Roman's turn to roll his eyes (PROPERLY).

"I'm leaving you to figure that out. But, I do."

"Sure. Whatever. Asshole."

Roman moved on to look in the next room.

.

.

.

A flash of green leaped onto him and he was tumbling over, the item in his hands flying out.

"Remus!"

The man scrambled over and snatched the book up, "Did you read it?"

"I- no, Remus what is it?"

"It's mine. Roman, I found it!"

Roman? Since when do those two talk? But, as Remus said, Roman walked in.

"Oh, thank Hades."

"Logan had it."

Roman sucked in a breath, "Did he read it?"

Remus shook his head, relief is a weird expression on the man's face.

Logan wouldn't mind seeing it more.

"What is this about?"

Roman took the liberty of answering, "The book is Remus' and it's private. Reading it would be invasive."

"Oh, my apologies, then. But, I had just picked it up, it was left over from Remus' running through the room and into the Imagination, along with some other debris I cleaned up."

"It's alright, nerd."

Logan's gaze lingered on Remus a bit, before he bid his farewells, reminded Roman of some work he needs to do by Friday, then left.

"Y'know," Roman said as they turned to walk back, "You could tell him how you feel."

Remus scoffed, "I'm not self destructive, like you, RoRo."

Ignoring Remus' jabs is difficult for the prince, nevertheless, "And do, pray tell, how it's self destructive?"

"Because he'll say no and that will hurt. I don't like when things actually hurt. I'm not risking him hating me even more."

"Woah, woah, he doesn't hate you."

"Doesn't he? I'm chaotic, irrational, vile, ik everything he fights to keep under control."

Roman digested this and thought hard on how best to explain this, "But that's exactly why you two are perfect for each other. You help him let loose when he's being a stick in the mud and he helps you keep in control of yourself and stay organized.

"You're delusional. He doesn't like me, he can't Ro. It goes against our very beings! Go ahead and fool yourself, but you can't do that to me. That's just cruel." Remus disappeared and Roman sighed as he tried to brush off his brother's words.

As the embodiment of romance, he thinks he'd know when a couple will work out or not. How will he convince his brother and Logan of that? He supposes he can't blame them for that, who would listen to the love advice of someone who loves someone that loves someone else? Kinda hypocritical.

.

.

.

"Just leave me alone!"

"Remus! Would calm down? Just listen to me!"

"No! You're a liar and I hate you! Do you want me to get hurt? You're an asshole you good for nothing prince!" He screamed. Why won't his brother let this go? Doesn't he see that everyone is better this way?

"Fine! You're right! Is that what you want to hear? Call me an asshole, call me stupid, call me evil or whatever! But I'm not wrong! Why don't you believe me? Ha! Why am I trying to reason with the self proclaimed unreasonable?"

Remus looked down from his perch on the guillotine, "Wait, RoRo-!" But he was gone.

"Fuck."

He rushed out, hoping to Loki that he didn't do too much damage.

"Roman!"

But he found who he wants looking for.

"Why are you screaming in the middle of the common room?" Came that cool and sexy voice.

"Looking for my brother, duh."

"Funny, I just spoke to him."

"Where'd he go?"

"Not sure, but he told me to stop being a robotic fake and confess to you."

"He- ? ROMAN!" Remus summoned a hammer and maybe there's a new hole in the wall.

"He was right, surprisingly."

Remus was not expecting that, "Come again?"

"I have noticed, over the course of our interactions, that I have developed feelings that I didn't recognized until Roman brought them to my attention. Remus...I have romantic feelings for you."

And it was the last casual and calculated confession Remus ever heard. He imagined something with ropes. But it was the best thing he ever heard. He didn't expect to be crying.

"Remus?"

"I like you, too..."

Logan brightened and stood up, his heart beating unnaturally, yet pleasently, as he moved closer, "Then... perhaps we...?"

But before he could finish, Remus pulled him in and there was no need for words.

Part 2 with what happened with Roman afterwards?

Ty so much for the request and I apologies for the long wait.

@fireflyjunkie

[idjitlili]

Thor,Son of Odin

Thorin x Modern!reader

Summary:Imagine being apart of the company ;and calling Thorin,Thor the god of Thunder.

a/n i hate wattpad it deleted 6 hours of work on this ,bloody bullshit and i fell over in that time todays going amazing, I passed my gsces though.

Word count:3277

Okay ,okay ,let's do this one last time. You Y/n L/n ,some how ended up in Tolkiens universe,the hobbit.Bro you was beyond freaked out to wake up snuggling up with some dude,practially laying on top of him,his arms around you holding you. His hair dark ,long ,silky almost,his face wore but structured,his body muscular,yet some what stumpy. Your face so close to his ,as ou come to reality ,you do not know who in bloody hell this man was.

You had brought your hand up his his cheek ,poking it once ,nothing,again,slight groan but nothing really,again his time mulitple harsh pokes ,finally his ocean coloured eyes shot open. They looked into your e/c ones you screamed then he screamed. Pushing yourself of his out of his grip.

"who are you?" he had shouted ,in shock really.

"no! Who in bloody earth are you? and why were we snuggling? Kidnapper! HELP"  you had stood up ,your face turning in every direction to see where in gods earth you were,just all you could see was forest and a bunch of men,who surrounded you and the strange blue eyed man,looking at you strangely. You looked around again and you saw a man that was dressed as a wizard , he looked like cogsworth,damn he really does.

"oh I get it. I will rather die than take part in your orgies!" you had shouted again ,laughing in horror after ,you were very much terrified in this moment.

"I'm sorry ,what orgies? what gives you that idea?" the smallest one hadspoken up pushing passed the others ,you had pulled your attention to him ,noticing his cute dirty blond hair,travelling down to his huge hair feet,letting out a gasp. "w-why are you feet so large?" you had whispered in shock. "I am hobbit ,of the shir-" " a what?" damn if this couldn't get any weird.

"Enough! WHo are you?why wre you trying to seduce our king?" A balding muscular tattooed man had interrupted ,your questioning."Your king? I havent heard of a king,not at least in europe for over a hundred years! Also last thing I remember was laying in my bed ,not in the arms of a 'king'"  you groaned out this sitution had began to give you to give you a headache.

"this is Thorin ,son Thrain ,son of Thror,the rightful dwarven king of erebor."

"Now enough of the bullshit ,Thor SOn of Odin ,God of thunder, I want to go home! THere are no such thing as dwarven king ,nor dwarves,nor whatever a hobbit  is ,and there's certainly no such place as erebor on this earth! This isn't bloody princess diaries."

The group of men had just stared at you in conflusion,as you had fainted ,therefore Gandalf had concluded that you will be apart of the company. As he had realised some how ,some way you had ended up in an another universe,well all he knew as some sorta force had brought you their world for a reason. He had forced Thorin to accept that you were to be apart of the company ,even if he felt absolute hatred towards you.

When you had came to the first thing you saw was Thorin,so you had made a run at him punching him square in the nose,only to get this sidekick,that tattoo'ed punk to grab a hold of you. "Oi what the fuckk ,get off me!"  yeah they basically tied you to a try ,and then from that Gandalf had explained everything ,and in a couple of hours you had agreed to join ,you still did not trust them however.

You had put upon an pony ,sat behind Bilbo ,the hobbit. "hey just so you know I am still not joining in on your orgies, I do not want to lose my innocence to anyone apart from a nice MHM-" you had pretended to cup an ass in your hands."set of cake shape ass,god dAMN."Bilbo had turned to look at you with a face of pure disgust ,,whereas others of the company such as the kings nephews had laughed. "and what is this orgy you speak of lassie?" the oldest dwarvf had spoken up you had found out his name was Balin older brother of Thorin's side piece.

"oh- its basically when a group of people do the stuff eachother all together" now bursts of laughter had filled your ears. "I assure you miss y/n l/n,the is none of that." Gandalf had spoken sternly ,he did not want to witness that no thank you.

"Oh good then, oh mister hobbit you have such beautiful locks." you had brought you had to touch a single curcle upon his head,whilst the hobbit had blushed brightly at your compliment. "oh well thank you ,as do you have lovely h/c locks." you had smiled widely ruffling his hair,Thorin heard this and did not like it,jerk.

Anways skip to a week later Thorin is brooding with his coak off,those pants really defined his ass,you were sat on a log next to Bilbo,you had nudged him gently grabbing his attention. His eyes filled with red from the warmth of the fires flames as he looked up at you,Thorin's nephews had seen your staring at your uncle and were watching and listening intensely.

"Thor has a nice nutt ,mhmm ,just like Jensen Ackles ass." Bilbo had choked on his own tongue ,as you just glaced back the dwarven kings ass one last time before turning back to Bilbo.

"aye, Y/n ,psttt" Kili had whispered shouted gaining you and Bilbo's attention ,he had gestured for you to go to him with his fingers,you had grabbed Bilbo by his hand before standing up,dragging him with you to sit beside the brothers. "wasssuppppp" damn this isn't the 2000s ,its bloody some age,you don't remember Gandalf got a bit boring if you were totally honest. Fili and Kili smirk to themselves, before Kili speaks up,Fili isn't as talkative as Kili is."you fancy our uncle." you had instantly scoffed , Bilbo had just pretend to be studying the stars ,and avoiding your bullshit lies.

"I see how it is,you trying to get your uncle laid, well yes he has the perfect ass, but I hardly know any of you,except Bilbo I accidentally saw him naked, he has a the cutest little bu-""Y/n!" you had cackled loudly catching some of the dwarves that were still awake attention, the nephews grinned even larger than before at you. "so you admit to looking at our uncles bottom,and you've seen Bilbo nude! Well!" he had basically shouted.

Bofur had turned around raised an eyebrow at you ,whilst Thorin pretended to be brooding still. "what?! Lass,you've seen the little fellow naked????" you had sighed loudly in distress,bloody god darn dwarves. "I say it again it was an accident!I was go for a pee, and then I daw that Bilbo had just gotten of a lake and was wearing a toel,so I decided to scare him, I didn't know he was going to scream ,and drop his towel." Bilbo held his head in in his hands in complete embarrassment.

"what did you except to happen lass? "

"I thought that scream was you."

"wow thanks for coming to save me then. plus i thought Bilbo might of just -you know what I dont know"

Thorin had felt a load off of his shoulders fall away ,knowing you didn't get it on with a dude that was half of your height, he didn't like the fact you were on this quest ,but he couldn't help thinking you had some nice hair. He also felt like grinning ,but of course a scowl was always imprinting on his face,he hadn't had a woman check him out in what it seemed as forever.

That was months of ago now, in which currently you had all been captured by elves ,well the prince of the Greenwood realm,Legolas.The company had been separated from you and Thorin and Bilbo was no where to be seen ,but you knew he was sneaky ass..butt. This elven king Thranduil , had did some voodoo to his face ,spat in Thorin's face with his stinky ass breathe...who needs to talk to someone that close up,might aswell had kissed him. After he was done with the dwarven king he started eyeing you up so you did back ,his ass mainly.

"and who are you ,andwhy does a woman travel with pigs?" his voice like silver ,yet cold as ice, but he would not stare bloody still,while you rated his ass. "Y/n L/n-god damnit stand still," the King had stopped , you had turned your body to get a look at his...flat ass,before leaning back to check out Thorin's. "what ARE you doing?" bro they didn't even tie your hands ,so you had made your way behind Thorin cupping his ass,making him gasp in shock ,as you squeezed gently,before heading back to Thranduil who shook his head no,you didn't want to be executed anyways.

"that king has a better ass than you, I suggust some squats, as your personality nor looks are in favour f-""ENOUGH. Tell me who are you?" he had interrupted you rudely , Thorin now less red ,smirking,he was glad he didn't end up in boner city.  "uh mister lanky stick ,I am y/n ,like I already told you,now can I and my mister patrick swayze be brought to our cells, I don't want to have sex with a skeleton..I mean a elven king."

"TAKE THEM TO THE CELLS,stay here an rot for all I care,100 years is a mere blink for an elf." you smirked at the king,as you and Thorin were grabbed by guards ,being pulled away. "I feel bad for your son,he inherited your flat ass, the poor kid don't get any attention from his daddy." If you were still infront of Thranduil he would've slapped you.  However instead you gpt see his son look to the ground ,away from his fathers gaze ,before walking out of the throne room shortly after you and Thorin.

Soon as you are shoved in separate cells,the questions start from the caged dwarves. "what happened up there?!" Kili questioned loudly,"I may have cupped a kings ass."

"You touched Thranduil's behind?"

"no I almost did,but damn You should have seen his face when I told him Thorin's was better than his and that I fet sorry for his son gainning a flat ass from his father."

Silence was in the air ,for a few seconds before the company had figured out what you had meant wwhen you said about touching a king's behind.

"you touched Uncle's butt infront of Thranduil?"

"oh hey ,Bilbo." thus Bilbo lead you all to the barrels ,in which you sat in on by yourself ,it was the ride of your life, and no kili doesn't get shot,because Dwalin held you you up while pulled down on the lever, therefore no one was injured. All that happened really was you were completely soaking ,and you stayed that way until you arrived at Bard's house,thank jesus you didn't have to go through the toliet.

Bard's daughters had handed you a blanket which you had wrapped around your shoulders ,in hope to warm up. However you could not help but see Thorin ,who refused a blanket politely. His beautiful long locks dripping ,his clothes sticking to his skin,darn he must be freezing ,dwarves and their stubborn asses. He really must be cold ,due to the scribe of this tale, experiences with wet long hair ,it takes ages to dry and keeps you freezing.

So you had decided without really thinking ,to walk towards Thorin who just stood waiting ,whilst everyone else was settling down,removing the blanket from your shoulders ,placing it upon his. Now you just stood next to him ,unsure what to do know ,blushing slightly feeling his eyes on you,gasp when he gets closer ,drapping the blanket back onto you ,but keeping it on his ,pulling you close by wrapping his arm around you ,as to keep you warm too.You had wrapped your arm around his waisr ,you could already feel him warming up against you ,you could smell him aswell ,and feel his hair against your neck.

However you did not look up to see the company's stares at their king,if anything they were worried about his behaviour,yet they wondered if it was true,was you his his one? But Thorin saw it ,yet no one dared to speak upon it , as he was their king ,yet his nephews ,oh they wanted to tease their uncle until the end of the one ring. They had smirked at their uncle,kili raising his eyebrows at Thorin ,who sent a deathly glare to his nephews.

He had broken the silence shortly after that,"where are the weapons?" and of course after that he was like they are shit ,okay lets go rob a bank ,thus the next time you were so close to Thorin was after your second boat ride in the last 36 hours.

Kili,Fili,OIn and Bofur were all left behind ,to catch up when Kili had recovered. THerefore the rest of you were all now to hike to Erebor ,god it was so tiring you felt as if your feet were on fire. You had groan in displeasure before muttering "I swear dwarves must have some hella leg muscle ,yet  I don't, I cant walk." Bilbo had scoffed next to you 'your legs are 10 times as long ,you got it easy'

"I hear humans ,cannot walk after 10 minutes with a dwarf,do you want to take a short break?" Thorin had a smirk inlaced with his voice ,as DWalin laughed loudly as if he was drax laughing at peter ,he was cocky when he wasn't trying to set an example for his nephews."no I want to be  carried Thor." you had spoken with annoyance ,not watching where you was going ,tripping falling harshly on the sharp rocks ,most deinitely cutting your knees open,you had let another groan. "god damn it korg." you had muttered yet again. Thorin had made it over to you ,pulling you to your feet , before turning away ,and kneeling infront of you.

"come on get on,we don't have time to delay" and with that Thorin oakenshield agve you a piggyback ride. "Thor son of Odin ,a God carrying me? No one would believe this."Thorin didn't understand who the fuck that was obviously,you had explained to him what a god was ,the same as the what they call malah ,or near the same.

Anyways he carried you all the way to Erebor ,with ease as well,he was indeed strong,and that was a long journey ,you even offered to walk but nope he would not take it. And after all the dragon stuff ,it was clear to you that he was suffering from dragon sickness ,he made everyone search for the arkenstone except you and Bilbo. You'll never guess what he requested you to do... Well he was on his throne and he was like "y/n ,come here" okay in which you did. "sit on my lap" nope and you walked away ,damn we he so forward now,you missed the shy Thorin.

It got worse and worse and soon enough Thranduil's army had arrived ,aswell as laketown ready to fight to claim what was theirs. Thorin was being a little bitch ,when practially he was a billionare,stopped sitting on bilbo , he isnt Dildo Gaggins ,not a huge stick up your butt.  Frankly you had enough.

"Thor ,if you dont snap out of it , I am going to show all these elves my breasts,you wouldn't allow a young woman to do such a think would you?" okay so blackmail is the only thing you could think of ,Thorin basically ignored you. "OI YOU FLAT ASS KING!" you  had gained the kings attention ,as Thranduil looked up at you ,as did Thorin as you began to lift your shirt up,revealing your belly button then high and high. UNtil two arms gripped your middle lifting you out of view. "No,I will not allow an elven king see my ones breasts,nor an one else" he had growled ,you had lifted your hands up in surrender ,well you tried.

He just told you he was your one and you was like ''okay bro,you do you. " ,well you didn't believe it ,you just thought it was the dragon sickness,you were the only female around ..  

Then of course he tried to throw Bilbo over, which that didn;t happen he escaped ,little rat,he is cute boy though, he did what was right. In which it got worse everyone fighting and such ,Thorin had went back to this throne ,so you had followed him with a better plan than before. As you got close to Thorin ,who watched your every move.

"I've been waiting for so long Now I've finally found someone to stand by me We saw the writing on the wall And we felt this magical fantasy Now with passion in our eyes There's no way we could disguise it secretly So we take each others hand 'Cause we seem to understand the urgency

Just remember You're the one thing I can't get enough of So I'll tell you something This could be love

Because I've had the time of my life No, I never felt this way before Yes I swear it's the truth And I owe it all to you."

you had spoke for Thorin to hear as you close with each step,yeah you just quoted song lyrics ,most famously know from dirty dancing ,but yeaah. THorin had stood up to meet you ,and once you had you had cupped his cheeks ,pressing a quick kiss to his lips,before cheekly pinching his butt making him gasp.

"Thorin it isn't right, we must help them ,please." as you said his actual name he knew he had to ,his bestfriend he had abandon trying to kill, maybe a little more than friend,could be dead.  He had sent you a smile before grabbbing your hand throwing his crown off. "wait you need a shirt like you gave bilbo ,I have feeling you will need it..thor son of odin."

And lucky you did say that and say hold on dude this sounds fishy ,why azog look like a shark off that will smith fish movie,fish tale? Oh its trap kili ,fili come here. THus you saved the Durins lives.

"hey if you are thor that makes your younger brother Loki ,wait he's dead sorry, uh your sister dis ,Loki and Fili and Kili Hela because her dad is LOki-not saying your sister is a man -well she looks like it-oh um sorry ,very handsome though."

[katsukikitten]

camera?

ANON BB I SUMMON YOU. It's not really BNHA related but the sharp teeth and red eyes were inspired by Kiri. Let me know if it spooped ya!

I'm never without my camera, the sleek black box and shiny lens dangle from my neck like rare gems. 

Why you may ask? 

 Well as an artist and photographer I'm honestly afraid of missing the perfect shot. You know the one that can take hundreds of tries to get and yet it can be taken by pure chance. By pure luck. Although I hardly have much of that.

And to be honest I've viewed the world through a lens more so than I have my own eyes, at least ever since my grandfather gave me my first Polaroid camera. The vintage kind too, he had found the old thing hidden away in his closet. The exact same one he used to document my childhood with. 

So I used it to document my teenage years, grainy pictures of the moon and my friends in the middle of fields with an inky black sky. Their bodies illuminated more so by the bright flash than the quarter moon. Of parties I shouldn't have been at, of boyfriends and girlfriends I regret having. Still my walls were filled with memories like a picture diary and there were too many to take with me to college or to my new apartment but I always had my favorite with me, tucked into my camera bag that acted more as a purse. 

It was taken with older film, the type you had to develop in a black room and it was one of those lucky shots I was telling you about earlier. I had just received this particular camera for my birthday a week prior, something my aunt found while thrifting. To my delight it worked and beautifully at that. I had spent countless hours researching on how to get an "overexposed" shot, leaving the lens open to take in  just enough light that something in the dark could develop but not so much the film was obliterated. 

And it was the harvest moon that provided the lighting for my shot. Hanging low and wide on the horizon, a golden orb painting the field in silvery shadows. The trees a lovely contrast with their charcoal grey silhouettes as the field seemed to glow with an otherworldly worldly haze as the fog rolled in through the wheat.

There was an affinity to it, something that drew you in and yet caused your heart to pound in your chest. 

It would be years later that I would find out that the dark figure tucked into the tree line was not one of my friends wandering into the shot. 

But all in all my favorite picture won me a contest when I was 16 and it's the reason my parents took my passion more seriously. My parents and my grandfather pitched in to buy me my first digital camera from then on I, impossibly, documented things even more. Put myself in odd places for the best possible photo. Opportunities arrived in coffee shops, libraries and parks. Of people doing mundane tasks and yet all I saw was beauty in the way that they moved. In how the light from the sun could transfer deep brown eyes to molten honey or how an overhead light could cast menacing shadows across even the sweetest person's face. How it could keep the essence of nature so pure, of a wild deer just barely there in the fog, while a predator peers from the tree line. 

Not to mention the things film can capture, burn into paper to be forever kept, that the human mind so easily forgets. Trying so hard to remember that thing you promised yourself you'd never forget that the image comes out harsh, grainy, overexposed. 

So it shouldn't be a surprise that an overheard rumor has me standing in the cold in the middle of nowhere waiting for a wild wolf to be seen. 

A stupid idea I know but honestly I wanted the shot. Needed that photo of two golden moon eyes suspended in the darkness glaring at me from the brush. Or hell even its silhouette craned towards the sky in a never ending howl. And not for my portfolio or resume either. I just wanted it for me.  Besides the field the wolf was last spotted in was more like a second home than anything else. This was where I took my favorite photo after all.  

My phone buzzes from my pocket but I ignore it. Probably the group chat roasting me for looking for an "obvious Halloween hoax" and that I should be shit faced with them instead. I just want to see this damn wolf. 

Hours pass as I take photos here and there. I have one camera doing a time lapse of the night sky, as I do every Halloween while I flip through the images of my other. They all seem the same, missing that something, that feeling that makes the image awe inspiring. So I delete the majority of them until my camera freezes a little. Most likely due to the cold and its age. In my impatience I press the next button three times and once the camera begins to react again it flips through three photos much too quickly. 

It is only in my going back does the movement catch my eye. Something recedes, a dark something. I go back three photos and slowly watch the blurb that moves as I progress right. 

It isn't until twenty photos in does ice rush through my veins as my feet burn with instinct to move. To run.  

A black figure in the outline of man seems to be getting closer in every picture. 

Closer to me. But I didn't see him in the lens, I always see everything in the lens. 

My heart jumps into my throat. 

The last time stamp on the picture was only five minutes ago. 

Even if it were some random ass man why couldn't I see him now? According to the picture he was about fifty feet from me and yet my eyes saw nothing. 

Nothing but hazy whips floating about, moths fluttering towards their celestial deity and surely no God damn wolf. 

A...a smudge it had to be a smudge. To calm my nerves I wipe at the lens and tell myself to take another photo. I bring the view finder to my eye, closing them both as I take in a sharp breath. I hold it before opening my one eye. I peer into the small box and am relieved to see nothing. 

I should have stopped there, I know I should have stopped there. 

But I didn't, I don't.

The inky blank man is ever closer. There is a strange feeling that comes with staring at this broad shouldered man, his face obscured by the dim lighting and the casting of the shadows. 

An odd affinity. 

Ripping through my camera bag I find it, the old photo creased from age and slightly discolored from overexposure. It is then that you see the figure, clear as day standing at the fringes of the field, just barely in the forest. 

My breathing becomes hitched as I stare dumbfounded at the photo. That wasn't any of my friends standing there in that photo. It was….it was whatever was approaching me now. 

The hair stands up on the nape of my neck as my skin breaks out into goose flesh, I turn violently back around to face where a man should stand. 

I take another photo, somehow I thought it couldn't get any worse than what it was. 

But it did. 

He was close enough now that his features could be made out. The color of his eyes burn into my retinas, the iris are red, deep blood red. And his teeth, fuck, his teeth. Each tooth filed to a point that gleams in the moonlight as his lips stretch far too wide. I can almost feel them sinking into the tender flesh of my throat.

I let out an audible whimper as I stare at the photo, I cannot stop myself as I take another and another. 

Each of his hauntingly handsome features become clearer and clearer as comes towards the camera. His wolfish grin growing wider with each step, his eyes half mast as lust keeps his gaze fixated on me. 

One more photo, one more fucking photo and he will be right on top of me. But there was no one, nothing. Not through the viewfinder, not with my own two eyes, only in the small LCD screen in my hands. 

From what the screen says he should be within arms reach.

Honestly this, this is the real moment I should have stopped, should have listened to my racing mind and aching heart to quit while I was ahead. 

But there is always that hunger to get the perfect shot.

With shaking hands, I lift the camera, looking through the viewfinder. Irrational tears burn in my eyes and slip down my half frozen cheeks in liquid fear. A sob racks through my body, my finger hesitant to snap the final photo. 

The Earth slows on its axis as I watch through the little box, the shutter slowly falls across the lens, and his figure becomes seen in those quick milliseconds.

It should disappear as quickly as it came but it doesn't. 

"I've been waiting for you, doll." I feel his breath fan across my face, it smells oddly like cinnamon.

His velvet voice petrifies me as his large and clawed hand grabs onto my camera. He crushes it with ease, as if it were merely an empty soda can. 

"NO!" I scream, loud and drawn out as he grabs for me. His claws rip at my shirt as I fall onto my ass. Trying my damnedest to kick him anywhere but especially where it should hurt. 

But he acts annoyed as if I were a gnat to be swatted away. 

I try crawling away but he grabs onto my ankle, desperately I kick at his hand. Tears, rage and fear burning through my body as my gut fills the brim with butterflies. 

My mouth runs dry from screaming as I finally kick away his iron grip, swinging my arms in an attempt to flip over so I can right myself to go into a full sprint. He steps onto the small of my back, a sickening snap echoes around us. Amplified by the silence, I can feel the weight of his gaze, the smile that hangs from his lips. Pain blooms from by back all the way into the base of my skull, still I try to flail from beneath his boot. 

The struggle knocks over my tripod causing my camera to fall over. I hold the dead stare of the lens as I faintly see the horror painted on my face. The realization that this will be the last anyone will ever see of me. 

To confirm my fears he sinks his claws deep into my calves causing me to cry out. 

He begins to drag me towards the woods at an ungodly speed. I pull at weeds, branches, dirt, anything, as the camera documents what is possibly my final

moments. 

After a while I can only hope that I'm far enough away that the camera cannot see my bloody nails ripping away from my fingers in a pitiful attempt to save myself. 

It only took a matter of seconds to be swallowed whole by the pitch black forest. I don't remember what happened after that or at least I try to forget.

A week passes before a dog finally sniffs out my location. The officer looks solemn, his mouth set into a harsh line as his eyes bore holes into my items. It tells him all he needs to know. He hears a branch snap in the woods nearby, his dog whimpers, pulling his eyes to the tree line for a moment. When he sees nothing he places on gloves to sort through my items. I didn't bring much with me, just my usual that I always, always had on my person.

My camera bag, my other that was camera lying dead on its side and my prized possession. 

My favorite photo. The officer stares down at it, the fog blanketing the field, the moon washing the landscape in dim, eerie light. He squints at the image, it seems familiar. He thinks he recalls seeing it in the paper once years ago, except something seems off, although he can't quite place his finger on it. 

But I can. 

Instead of seeing one figure standing on the fringe of the trees, he sees two. 

[pens-swords-stuff]

I feel like I should remind everyone that I actually write sometimes too — shocking, I know. So here’s a thing I wrote a long time ago, just to pretend that I’m a real Writeblr for a bit.

If there ever was a reason to be grateful, it was that Blake lives in a time where coffee and other sources of caffeine are readily available. Although it was just before 9 o'clock in the morning, she was already half-way through her second mug and a small tower of used creamers were stacked unevenly at the corner of her desk. Damn those early morning meetings; was it really necessary to gather everyone under the age of twenty-five early in the morning to discuss the implications of retweets? The Capital was full of old, decrepit people who would still use fax machines if they could. At this point, Blake was sure she was spending more time teaching her superiors how to use computers instead of her actual job.

And they said that the life of a journalist wasn't glamourous.

Her desk was full of unfinished drafts, photographs, and other piles of papers stacked haphazardly over every inch of the surface. With a sigh, Blake just piled the existing piles on top of each other to create a precarious mountain of paper to clear out some space. It was organized chaos at its finest — her desk may be a mess, but she knew where everything was... Or at least she hoped.

With a heavy sigh and tapping fingers fueled by coffee jitters, Blake impatiently waited for her computer to load web pages. Fingers automatically typed up ‘twitter.com’ into the address bar, but she thought better of it and quickly hit backspace. After lecturing a sixty-year old crusty, balding man on how to navigate the 'tweeter-sphere', she really wasn't in the mood to revisit the social media site and its apparently impossible-to-use interface.

When she logged into her email account, it was no surprise that hundreds of unread emails were blinking on the browser. 317 emails to be exact, the red bubble notification on her phone had been mocking her for days now. Wearily, Blake started clicking and manually sorting through useful emails and trash that didn't even need to be read. Passive-aggressive work memos from loud coworkers (shut up Patricia, no one cares about your lunch), junk mail (there's a sale going on in a nearby department store apparently), and death threats (only 12 emails, significantly less than yesterday) were among the ones immediately deleted without even opening.

Several rapid clicks later, her inbox was emptied of all unnecessary emails, and she could focus on what actually mattered — once she sorted through all of the false leads, that is. Days ago, Blake had published a request for the Other to contact her if they wanted their stories heard. It was a good idea in theory to gather information and first-hand accounts, but she really, really should've seen the amount of humans pretending to be the Other coming. Internet anonymity was a bitch, and a lot of trolls, people that were obsessed with the Other and bored humans who had way too much time on their hands were claiming to be special.

Somehow, Blake sincerely doubted that a real vampire or werewolf would throw in blatant Twilight or Vampire Diaries references into these emails. Just a hunch. On the off chance that they were truly what they said they were, it wasn't the type of person (could they still be called a person?) she wanted to write about. Now that article would immediately become the laughing stock of the internet. Blake's mouse hovered over the trash can icon for a long second as she fought the urge to delete the lot of them. Duty won out, just in case she was deleting important information. The things she would do for a story...

There was one email in particular however, that seemed more genuine for whatever reason. Call it journalist's intuition, or just a lack of modern (if slightly outdated) pop culture references.

Dear B. Preston, Apologies for the throwaway email address – I don’t like paper trails. I saw your call for stories from the Other in The Capital, and after serious deliberation, I have decided to express my own interest in the project. I am a vampire of not insignificant experience who would be willing to answer any questions you might have, from my condition in general to my personal history, so long as the result is anonymised. As this is uncharted territory for the both of us, and perhaps even both our kinds, I am an unsure as to whether the best medium would be in writing or an in-person interview. Whichever option you would feel more comfortable with. Obviously, dining with the stuff of nightmares isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Looking forward to your reply. Sincerely, Someone who would rather not sign his name in writing.

Blake leaned back into her office chair as she read and reread that email, thoughtfully chewing off the lipstick she had hastily smeared on so that she could claim that she cared about appearances. It was impossible to gleam whether this email rang true or not, but there was something different about this one that felt like it was worth following up on — at least the throwaway email wasn't something like totallyabloodsucker69 that she saw about three emails prior.

After quickly doing her carpal tunnel prevention hand stretches, Blake wrote out a long reply, then went back and deleted an entire unnecessary paragraph and several other snarky comments that had just slipped out. She was a professional, and should probably act as such. No need to scare off a potential vampire contact — as silly as that sounds.

Dear someone who would rather not sign their name in writing, Thank you for your response, your willingness to share your story to the public is greatly appreciated. I can promise it will be put to good use. An in-person interview probably would work best, if only to be able to say that I've confirmed that you're a vampire in person. It's far too easy for people to pretend to be something they're not online — there's simply not enough credibility over the internet. I conduct a lot of interviews over at The Daily Grind for the casual atmosphere, but I'm open to any alternatives you have in mind. I've attached my schedule to this email, let me know when you're available. And finally as a formality — and I honestly have no idea what I'm looking for — is there any way you can send me proof of your claim? As mentioned before, there are far too many people pretending to be anything other than human. Regards, Blake Preston.

Perhaps only a split-second after she hit send, a roar of "Preston, turn the radio on now!" was shouted at her from behind. Blake spun around in her chair in alarm, staring at Jones who just barged through the door with wild, panicked eyes.

"What are you——"

"Do it! Now!"

Jones didn't even give Blake another moment to respond as he flew forward to fiddle the radio to the right broadcast, not bothering to wait for the shocked journalist to catch up to his intensity. Precious few seconds were evidently lost as Jones' fumbling fingers finally managed to push the right set of buttons. Blake actually listened to On the Edge radio quite often, but an unfamiliar voice flowed through the speakers.

Think of the teenagers lost during Nick Bloodfang’s rampage: three young girls, on their way home from a party on the wrong night of the lunar cycle, left for dead. That is only the tip of the iceberg...

Though she didn't quite understand what was going on yet, Blake turned on the recording function of her phone after seeing Jones frantically gesticulated to her. Blake's brows were knit in confusion as she listened to the broadcast. Something wasn't right, something didn't feel right.

Blake's jaw dropped along with her stomach as the 'segment' ended with a human call for action. It was pathos at its finest, playing up on the fear that she knew swept throughout the humans when the Other first came to light a month or so ago. Even though the current position of most people was uncertain, tension and fear grated roughly on most humans that she knew. Jones and Blake shared a slack-jawed stare of disbelief.

This was hate speech, inciting people to violent acts because they painted the Other as mere criminals with no other purpose besides murdering innocent people.

By the time Louise's voice came back on the air, Blake snapped out of her stupor to open a brand new word document on her computer. Although the highjack had ended only seconds before, she was already replaying it on her phone as her fingers flew over the keyboard, transcribing it to the best of her ability. "I can't believe I missed the bloody beginning. Colin, did you get——"

Blake's fingers kept moving as she glanced over to her partner's desk, suspiciously empty and untouched since yesterday.

"Where the hell is Colin!?"

[astarlightmonbebe]

YG Treasure Box

—​a mess of a mess of words

a/n: i tried my best to be as unbiased as possible while writing this, but literally half of you guys will probably take offense to this, so avoid this if you know you get really easily upset about stuff??

The show itself:

I know the majority of people who watched this show aren’t reality show experts, but from someone who is practically a reality show veteran—from pd101 to Mix Nine—this show was just as bad as I was expecting. If you’ve watched Mix Nine, you know how horrible it was. Compared to that, you could even say YGTB was slightly better.

We didn’t know anything that was going on. YG changed his mind a lot. A lot of you guys threw yourself into voting and tapping hearts, which in turn put the fandom at each other’s throats when we didn’t even need to be. 

Honestly I could have told you that the voting probably wouldn’t mean anything. 

I think a lot of you forgot that in the end, this was YG’s game. YG was in charge of everything; he was the one who ultimately decided the final members even. Fans vote and vote, but it’s not even a public reality show. It’s not mnet, or some public broadcasting system or whatever. It’s YG, and his producers and staff making it.

Despite all the bad things about it, you have to admit that YG did do a good job on some things. The man might be biased, but he’s not dumb. He gave us silver boy content and backstories because he knew the fandom would eat it up. He gave us a lot of extra content—we got the diary cams, the gift cam, the new year’s party, and so much more. And we got English subtitles on everything almost immediately! Maybe international fans couldn’t have as much of a say and couldn’t attend most of the closed seating performances, but YG did do a good job catering to us.  

Silver boy stans and others:

The item that causes the most fighting...silver boys, their stans, and everyone else.

If you look at things from the perspective of a silver boy stan, it’s like the equivalent of you’re favorite group going on a reality show. Of course you want to support and love them!! 

The main problem with everything that happened is that people seem to group other’s with a majority/minority. If one fan says something, it becomes everyone else’s burden. 

Yes, some silver boy stans were close minded. It was frustrating for me to see so many people hyping up silver boys and talking about debuting them, especially because to me it seemed that you were all believing in useless fantasies.

Maybe this sounds really bad, but I find it unbelievable that so many people seemed to actually believe that silver boys would debut together? With YG in charge? No way.

That being sad, I do admit that the other fans unnecessarily attacked silver boy stans at some points. I follow and know a lot of lovely fans who whole heartedly support the other trainees and are trying their best to keep being supportive. 

As someone who loves team j and the other trainees, it sucked that people overlooked talent—or more importantly, refused to see it. 

For both sides, it felt like nobody would bother to listen, you know?

The main problem with all the discourse is that the YGTB fandom is one that is mostly full of hot headed teenagers. We are strongly opinionated, and we don’t like it when other’s don’t agree with us. 

People liked to make this fandom war into opposites and extremes. If you didn’t like silver boys, you were a hater. If you liked them, you hated everyone else. 

Moving onto other things though...I feel like people are overreacting. People are going too far. Spamming YG’s insta to the point of him even deleting comments, giving out YG producer’s handles and explicitly telling people to go and DM them...it’s way out of hand. You need to accept it. Who debuts will debut. 

You’re so obsessed with making people debut that you don’t even realize it’s out of your hands (and this applies to everyone).

The final line up:

I know we still have one more member to be announced, but this is as of right now~

So many people are unhappy, especially Silver Boy stans

I understand that you really wanted your faves to debut (and before you come at me, literally none of my faves have debuted yet) but seriously, this hate is ridiculous

Yes, silver boys trained for a long time. Treasure J trained just as long. I’ve seen so many people say that they didn’t know about treasure j, so it doesn’t count or matter as much, and that’s is the most bs thing I’ve ever heard. Keita didn’t train for 5+ years only to be dropped by you guys in a flash.

Age is not equivalent to talent. The number of years you trained does not equal how much of a chance you deserve to debut. There are so many instances of idols debuting with little training and become sensations, so stop acting like the young kids who have debuted don’t deserve it.

All the trainees are far from ‘not worthy’.

I’ve seen people say that Junghwan and others will not be able to handle the industry at their age, but I think we’re underestimating them. It will be hard and difficult, but not everyone cracks under pressure. Some people grow from that. Don’t discredit them before they even have a chance to show you all they’ve got.

Yeah, silver boys deserved better. But you guys have to stop acting like this is their last ever chance. They’re not that old, this show has probably opened up lots of opportunities for them as well. Everyone seems to have taken on such a negative mindset about this.

Let’s be honest, nobody saw this coming. YG hit us with a bus and laughed in our faces.

We could dispute about how some people in the debut lineup are not ready for debut, or don’t have what it takes, but that’s just wasting energy that we could be using to love and support them.

The only thing I possibly agree with people is on Gonsuk deserving a debut, especially after all the trauma of Mix Nine. Junkyu debuted, and he wasn’t even in the top nine. So why aren’t gonsuk deserving the same treatment??? (and let’s not ignore the fact that Byunggon is lowkey evil edited and YG has never given him a compliment, like at least he said something vaguely nice to the other’s).

Tl;dr:

YG sucks

The fandom is full of useless drama

We really couldn’t do anything, so maybe we should ease up on the trying

Stop underestimating people

In the end, this is just me trying to format my thoughts. I probably didn’t say it right, and maybe you think this is incorrect—but it’s my opinion, and I’m not acting like I’m the only right person in the world. You’re allowed to disagree with me, I just ask that you respect the thought and reason behind my opinions and words before you do so.

[badchoosey]

LoveHacks, Book One. Chapter 1: This Story Will Change Your Life

You make your way to the counter at a San Francisco cafe before the first day of work at your new job. The barista hands you a latte, complete with a recycled paper sleeve and your name written on the side.

Dad: Thank you! That’s… not how you spell Dad. Is Dadthaq even a name?

A guy in a plaid shirt over by the milk and sweeteners flashes you a smile.

Evan: They never spell my name right either. I’m Evan. Or ‘Effin’, according to my coffee.

Dad: I’m Dad.

Evan: So, Dad, do you take sugar in your coffee? Because I’m pretty sure you’re sweet enough as it is.

Dad: You were cuter before you started talking.

Evan: Ouch! … But you do think I’m cute, right?

Dad: Maybe.... But you definitely need to work on your flirting skills.

Evan: And I suppose you’re on expert on flirting?

Dad: It’s kinda my job, so… yeah. It’s my first day at ClickIt. You know, viral posts, life hacks, listicles?

Evan: I’ve heard of it. ‘20 Things Only 90s Kids Will Understand’... That kinda stuff?

Dad: Exactly. I’m the newest writer for their love and dating section.

Evan: Love and dating, huh? In that case… how am I doing?

Dad: Honestly? Your game is weak, son. Your body language is all wrong. You’re trying to look confident, but you have a tenseness that gives away how nervous you are. And you used a pick up line, which can come off as unoriginal, or even fake. You should be yourself.

Evan: Wow. Anything else?

Dad: Actually… you’ve had something in your teeth this whole time.

Evan immediately covers his mouth.

Dad: Kidding! You’ve done well enough that if you gave me your number, I wouldn’t immediately delete it. I might even let you show me around the city sometime…

Evan: It’d be my pleasure.

You exchange numbers with Evan, who smiles the whole time.

Evan: Wow, you really are good at this. How is someone like you still single?

Dad: I’m single because I have high standards. No one has managed to meet all my requirements.

Evan: Oh, it’s like that, huh?

Dad: It’s like that. You’re free to try to be the first, though.

Evan: Any chance you’re walking my way? I’m headed to the Zamble offices.

Dad: Cushy tech job, huh? I’m actually heading the other way. Can’t be late for my first day on the job!

You walk into the ClickIt office for the first time…

Dad: Whoa. What is this place…?

Martin: You must be Dad. I’m Martin, editor-in-chief here at ClickIt. This way. We’re about to start our daily stand-up.

Dad: Daily what?

Martin: I don’t know how they do things on the East Coast, but out here, we host a meeting each morning so all the writers can sync up.

Martin leads you to a brightly decorated lounge area where several men are already sitting on bean bag chairs.

Martin: Not the sort of vibe you’re a used to, huh?

Dad:This place looks like something out of Sesame Street.

Coworker: Really? You have a problem with our comfortable, creative environment? Maybe we could get you a wooden rocking chair, or a butter churn.

Dad: The bean bag is fine.

Coworker: See, Marty? A chick on the staff for one minute, and she’s already trying to redecorate. Total buzzkill.

Dad: Excuse me?!

Coworker 2: Hey, TJ, can you turn down the ‘douche’? She just got here…

TJ: I don’t take advice from junior writers, Felix.

Martin: Behave now, boys. Everyone, meet our newest Clicker, Dad. She’s the head of the new LoveHacks page. She’ll be our resident expert in all things fashion and romance.

TJ: So, the girly stuff?

Martin: Dad knows what she’s doing. Her personal blog post, ‘The Worst Date Ever’, went legit viral! Two million likes, five hundred shares, and more retweets than Kendall Jenner’s latest selfie. And I’m sure she has plenty more ideas up her sleeve!

Martin looks at you expectantly.

Dad: Oh, right! Actually, I’m glad you brought that up, Martin, because I’ve done a lot of brainstorming lately… How’s this for a headline? ‘Table for One: How to be Happy and Single.’

TJ: Ha! What are we, a website for ugly people?

Dad: Ugly people? You mean single women?

TJ: That article would get, like, negative clicks. But if you insist on catering to the uggos, you gotta at least make it snappy. Something like… ‘Five Ways to Replace Your BF With a Body Pillow!’ That sorta thing.

Dad: That’s… that’s actually not bad.

TJ: You know, I’d be happy to help you with some field research, if you want. Teach you a thing or two about love.

Martin: Field research! That’s a great idea!

TJ: … It is?

Martin: Dad can go on dates and write… ‘The 10 Guys You Date in Your Twenties!’ What do you think?

Dad: I’m gonna need a company card to do this right.

TJ: What, you can’t even get a guy to pay for you?

Dad: It’s the 21st century, TJ. Women can pay for things too.

Martin: Dad’s right. I’ll talk to the finance department and see what I can do. One month should be more than enough time for the article. I expect to see your progress and notes each week.

Dad: Yes, sir.

Soon after, you settled into your new workspace, a desk clustered together with others in the big, open space of the ClickIt office. Suddenly, a kind face leans into view from the workspace next to you.

Felix: Hey! I’m Felix. Looks like we’re desk-neighbours. Sorry about Tj back there. He can be a jerk sometimes. And by that I mean all the time.

Dad: I know the type. How and why do people put up with him?

Felix: Despite being a human poop emoji, he’s actually one of the most clicked writers on our site… and he’s Martin’s favorite.

Dad: That’s not fair, someone needs to call Martin out! No one should get special treatment for being buddy-buddy with the boss!

Felix: Hey, people have tried, but what’re you gonna do? Martin signs the checks, and we all tryin’ to get dat paper! … I immediately regret saying ‘get dat paper’. Let’s pretend I didn’t.

Dad: Stricken from the record.

Just then, a woman strides over, glaring at Felix.

Coworker: Felix, did you eat all our horseradish for your stupid video?

Felix: Isabel! Yes, I, uh, did! But I also got ‘Horseradish Challenge Fail’ trending! And the doctor says my sinuses will heal in no time.

Isabel sighs and turns to you.

Isabel: It’s Dad right? I’m Isabel. Don’t let Felix rope you into any of his videos, especially anything that involves wasabi.

Dad: Duly noted.

Isabel turns and walks away, and you notice Felix watching as she leaves.

Dad: I see what’s going on here… you totally HATE Isabel. You guys get on each other’s last nerve.

Felix: No! I mean, we kinda do… but I don’t hate her! I would never…

Dad: Oh, I got this all wrong… This tension isn’t anger… You like her, don’t you?

Felix: Well… maybe? Alright, fine, yes… But it’s not my dating life we should be discussing. What are you gonna do for your first date?

Dad: Good question. I kinda got caught off guard.

Felix: There’s no one in town you could call up? Word is you’re originally from the Bay, right?

Dad: Well… there is one guy. A good friend from college, Mark…

(Now Playing as Mark Collins.)

You’re walking down a bustling San Francisco street on your way to the Muni bus station.

Mark: There is not enough caffeine in the world for me right now.

You finish your energy drink before tossing the empty can into a bin. Your roommate, Cole, looks up from his phone.

Cole: You alright? You’ve been acting weird all morning.

Mark: I… didn’t sleep well last night. I’ve got a lot on my mind.

Cole: Wait… Is this because your college friend is back in town? The one who got away?

Mark: She’s not ‘the one who got away’.

Cole: Riiiight. You only talk about her all the time. And not in the ‘have you seen the latest episode of The Walking Dead’ way. In the ‘Dear Diary, I love her sooooo much’ kinda way.

Mark: I’m not the type to get lovesick. Sure, we were close in college, but that’s all.

Cole: Please. I’ve been your roommate for years now. I know when you have a crush on someone. I saw it when you first discovered Zooey Deschanel, and I see it when you talk about your long-lost BFF.

Mark: Fine. You wanna know the truth? The real, one hundred percent truth?

You lean towards Cole, and he leans forward to meet you…

Mark: Go to hell, Cole.

Cole: Aw, come on. I thought we were having a bonding moment!

Mark: You’re the worst.

Cole: Love you too, roomie. Anyway, you should call her up. Invite her to The Double Tap for drinks. Meet the gang.

Mark: I dunno. I have that work thing tonight…

Cole: Whatever you say, man. But she’s probably wondering about you as we speak…

(Now Playing as Dad).

Felix: Soooo… you gonna call this Mark guy, or what?

Dad: Oh! It’s uh… It’s just been so long, and…

Felix: … It’s complicated. Say no more. In that case, can’t you just go to a bar or something and get a guy’s number? You’re an expert, right?

Dad: Oh! Actually… I picked up a phone number at the coffee shop before work!

Felix: Okay, now you’re making this look too easy.

Later, you and Felix go to a small boutique just off Market Street.

Dad: Thanks for coming with me to pick out an outfit for my date tonight! I didn’t think you’d want to come shopping.

Felix: Hey. I’m helping you with research. Any time I can get out of the office and still get paid, I’m down. So, where’s Evan taking you tonight?

Dad: Some new club… Mystique, I think it was.

Felix: Mystique? Seriously?! That club is impossible to get into! Rumor has it the VIP lounge has an ice luge for vodka shots and its own taco bar. And last year, DJ Khaled played!

Dad: You listen to DJ Khaled?

Felix: No. I’m more of a Lumineers guy… but I recognise how big DJ Khaled is. Mystique is very exclusive, but you never know who you’ll run into there…

Dad: In that case, I’d better look my best.

Just then, a little black dress catches your eye. You run your fingers over the bright sequins.

Felix: Wow. If you wear that dress, Evan will fall all over himself trying to impress you.

Dad: I definitely have to try this on! … Actually I think I’ll go with this mustard dress instead. The other one is very… sparkly.

Felix: Are you sure? I mean, I know I’m not very stylish but..

Dad: You don’t like this one?

Felix: No, that’s not what I meant! I’ll, uh, just defer to your judgement…

Dad: I’m ready for my first big date in San Francisco!

That night, you’re waiting for Evan outside Mystique…

Evan: Dad! Over here!

Dad: Hey, Evan.

You make your way over to your date, weaving through the crowd of typical Silicon Valley tech workers.

Dad: Whoa. It’s like a sea of plaid button-up shirts out here.

Evan: Yeah, a lot of the guys came directly from work.

Dad: You know them?

Evan: Oh, yeah. Zamble rented out the whole place for the night.

Dad: Really? You brought me to a work party?! For our first date?

Evan: I just, uh, couldn’t wait to see you again! And I had to come here tonight, so I thought, you know, two birds? Plus, Zamble parties are always epic. Trust me, when we get inside, you won’t believe it’s a work party.

Dad: … Fine. But just FYI, next time, you should really tell a girl beforehand. No one likes to be blindsided.

Evan: You got it.

In the club, Evan pulls you close so you can hear him over the pulsing music…

Evan: Let’s grab a drink at the bar.

Dad: Okay!

You follow Evan through the dance floor to the back. Suddenly, you hear a familiar voice calling your name.

Dad: Wait, is that…?

The crowd parts, and a handsome guy you haven’t seen in years steps into the light.

Mark: Dad?

Dad: Mark?!

[qqueenofhades]

So after the spate of high-profile celebrity suicides recently, and the short-lived discussion of mental health that surrounds them (kind of like the way the gun control debate appears for a week after a mass shooting and then vanishes), I have had some probably disconnected thoughts that I finally felt like putting down somewhere (and honestly, I had most of this post typed up and then tumblr deleted it, so... round two and Fuck You Very Much Tumblr). I briefly thought about putting it on facebook, but a) fuck facebook, I’m barely on it anymore, and b) everyone that I care about is either or also here. So I guess it’s once more using the big blue hellsite as a diary, because I was awake until 1am last night talking to myself about this, and writing is how I work things out.

As ever, please do not feel obliged to read the post or whatever else, especially if you’re uncomfortable with the themes/subjects discussed. Again, it’s essentially for my own benefit and trying to organize things I’ve wanted to say, as a long-term sufferer of depression and anxiety who is also having a really tough time now, and how I see that reflecting on what’s happening both with me and the wider world.

Anyway.

I feel like my main reaction is one of weariness that so much of the response is “get help if you’re struggling! Reach out! Call someone! Things will get better!” Which is... helpful in its way, and I genuinely believe that the people reblogging suicide hotline numbers and “don’t kill yourself” posts and so on really want to help. I am not one to point fingers at anyone who really wants to reach out and do something to make a difference. But that’s also it? We’re barely getting to the place of recognizing depression as a legitimate problem and not stigmatizing people who have it (hah), but to me, it sounds so much like “well, I know you have two broken legs and can’t stand upright, but you should still go walk to the clinic and ask them to help you.” Again. Important. But why is so much of it centered around the assumption that the depression sufferer has the responsibility to go on an individual basis and try therapy or meds or whatever, while the mental health services that even exist are being slashed? While some people seem perfectly happy to talk about how mental health is the problem, and not readily legal assault rifles and a culture of white male entitlement and grievance), and the assumption remains that we can just treat depression on an individual, ad hoc basis, rather than looking at it systematically.

We’ve had a ton of studies and research showing that depression rates are way up, that a lot of people identify as having anxiety and mental issues and are messed up out the wazoo (which frankly, I think most of us are), and then the attendant “everyone’s a snowflake, buck up and take it on the chin!” backlash, because frankly the world is horrible and society sucks. (This opinion is sometimes subject to revision, but still.) Honestly, is this any surprise? When we’re in collapsing late-stage capitalism that has basically utterly fucked everyone born after 1980, we live in this awareness that things are systematically and unbearably evil and oppressive but the vast majority of us have no ability to do anything about that, and birth rates and marriage rates are declining because people (completely understandably) don’t want to bring children into this nightmare of a world and are realizing that traditional ideals of marriage and sexual morality are BS.... I mean, are we surprised that people just don’t want to live in this world anymore? When I find myself worrying about the idea of taking on another student loan (another of the basic commodities that it has become expected that you’ll go tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for) and then am like, “well, there’s a less than zero chance that Western civilization collapses in my lifetime/the next ten years, and I’m going to die in debt anyway, so...”, there’s a sense of surreality and almost despondency that we’re able to know more than ever how shitty things are, but again, can’t do anything about it. Again. We can’t fix depression by telling people individually to go try therapy or whatever else. It doesn’t get at the reasons that so many of us just can’t stand the world anymore.

I feel like I’ve settled well on my belief that people, even if often beholden to centuries-old bullshit and tribalism and prejudice, are individually good, often amazingly and soul-sustainingly so (I’m not joking when I say that I would probably be dead by now if not for the kindness of strangers and friends, including many of you who I’ve met here), but society and the overall structure is pretty much rotten. We find ways to manage, to exist, to ameliorate, to distract, and I am honestly delighted for the people who can live more or less happy existences despite everything, have found a way to do that. Again, this isn’t a “don’t go to therapy!!” sort of post, because yes, if you’re depressed, you have to decide whether and how you want to get better. But sometimes you just can’t fucking do that. You just exist this way and you know how it is and it becomes sort of familiar and accounted for. 

I’m lucky to be a mostly high-functioning sufferer, who has lived with long-term and chronic depression and anxiety since at least the age of 18 (and probably, through most of my childhood as well), which has left me latently suicidal, physically fucked up, mentally exhausted, and emotionally isolated for my entire adult life. But I’ve also managed to hold jobs and complete several advanced degrees and get out of bed and put on makeup and keep my commitments and so on and otherwise outwardly resemble a normal person. So I then read posts about people who can’t get out of bed or even brush their teeth, and I start wondering if I “really” have depression or it’s just an excuse or I’m a weak person or just broken somehow else. Which is 0% helpful and is the bad brain talking, as I recognize. Looking at me from the outside, it feels like you wouldn’t guess, which also seems to be a theme with the celebrities who died. They always seemed happy and well put together and confident, until they didn’t. I turn 30 this August, and feel about 800.

And yet. I have made the choice to live, and I have continued to make the choice, and I have learned that I have a lot of strength I didn’t know I did, and I am proud of that. But I also read a post by someone I otherwise admire and whose work I really like, about how you can’t ever have the life you want until you take suicide off the table as an option, as if you can just choose once to live and not think about it again. And I just am like... how? I’ve made it before and I’ll have to do it again, but god, I wish with my entire heart that I could just make it once and not look back. I wish I could ever be confident that I could say without qualification that I want to live more than I want to die. Because well, I DON’T want to die, not really. I find things that make me happy and that give me small joys and distract me and which I enjoy. I still have a lot of things I want to do (even while feeling I won’t get the chance) and feel like it would be stupid to die because my brain doesn’t work. So I’m still here. I’ve never made a serious attempt to kill myself, and I obviously hope that doesn’t change. But it remains in the back of my head, the idea that I just wish I could switch off for five years and come back and find that things have somehow worked out. Which obviously is not the way it works, and you don’t get to temporarily go away. But this world is so hard and so tiring to live in, and sometimes it gets to me.

As for the getting help part -- I’ve been trying to do that myself recently. Go to counselling services and the university support centre and whatever else, even though it causes me anxiety to the point of physically messing me up. It feels like being drunk or hungover or just off balance and unable to see or breathe normally. I convulse in bed at night and wake up just as tired when I went to sleep and just don’t feel like I run correctly. And this is from a relatively high-functioning person who isn’t trying to stop herself (at least currently) from suicide, but just enough to keep her going. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a person depressed to the point of being unable to get out of bed, told to call someone or reach out or whatever else. That’s practically inhumane. We live, for better or worse, in a Western “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” culture that puts the onus on the individual to fix their own problems. When honestly, the collective society that exists right now is a toxic, oppressive, and impossible one that keeps chewing up people from every walk of life and which nobody with the actual ability to do anything about it seems to want to change. Encouraging individuals with depression to seek help is nice, sure. But until something fundamentally and permanently changes in society and how we view our obligations to each other and what we are willing to do to help and to change this culture that tells you you’re responsible for your own illness, people are going to keep dying from depression in droves, and everyone else is just going to figure we’re weak. Or there will be a short-lived mental health awareness campaign, and nice things will be said, and then it will be back to business as usual.  Because man, are we good at burying our heads in the sand for any number of things.

The choice to live doesn’t usually have the luxury of being made once and then never revisited. You have to do it yearly, monthly, weekly, sometimes even daily. And frankly, I don’t blame anyone who feels that the cost-benefit analysis doesn’t really add up to staying here anymore. I’m here certainly in part because of you here on tumblr, who have indirectly (and sometimes directly) saved my life. You have talked with me on text or email or in person for years, have read my fics and thought of things you wanted to tell me and sent me nice messages and otherwise made me feel less invisible. Your kindness has been often what has sustained me, and made me decide that I’d rather be here than anywhere else, and given me what little faith in humanity I have left. And one of the reasons I write all the time (books/fics/asks/metas/papers/theses/projects...etc) is because I literally cannot stand to live in my own head if I don’t. I do love creating things and am happy that people enjoy what I post here, and it’s a major source of pleasure and distraction for me. But I also do it because I will literally cease to function (in what limited capacity I have) if I don’t. I have to do it in order to live with myself and this monster at all, and that is also tiring. 

Overall, we’re all fucked-up people with a very dark sense of humor, whose compassion and conscience is about all we have going for us, and we just have to try to cling together and do for each other what we can. And god, I’m grateful for it. I have a lot of financial terror right now in addition to everything else, and am looking into the aforementioned student loan for short-term stabilizing (limited work rights are a Bitch), and I basically paid my rent last month because of you guys. So yeah, you’ve made the difference for a stranger on the internet being homeless or not, and I have no idea why, but please know that it means more to me than I can ever say, and I hope to give back what I can.

(I also still have a Kofi account, while I’m trying to get things under control here, so... again, entirely up to you.)

I’m not sure how I will make it to December and (supposedly, ha) my PhD graduation, let alone after that. I will probably have to choose to live again several more times between now and then, and then again after that. I hope I can continue to do that. And I hope I can talk to you, both if you need someone to listen and whatever I can do for you by that, and if I do the same.

If you’ve read all the way to the bottom, mazel tov. 

[sueboohscorner]

The Originals Series Finale Recap "When the Saints Go Marching In" #TheOriginals #Always&Forever

We've come to the end of another beautiful television journey, and it's time to say goodbye to characters we've loved for years now. The Originals delivers an incredibly cathartic finale that is literally about goodbyes and how to say them properly, for those lucky few who can see it coming and have that chance to do it right. 

Thank you to The CW, once again, for giving your showrunners that chance whenever possible. It's one of the things that makes me such a devoted fan. For real, I've been all-in on The CW since back when it was The WB, and one of the reasons I am so fierce in my fandom is that I trust this network to do right by its shows and fans; rarely do they unceremoniously cancel a show. The awareness of a final season is a gift to both creators and fans. 

But remember how it all began? We started hearing about this big bad named Klaus on The Vampire Diaries, and he turned out to be irresistibly wicked and charming. But before we ever even laid eyes on him, there was Elijah. And wow! From the moment Daniel Gillies showed up, we were mesmerized, and the fan reaction was so intense that he went from a henchman who got staked in his only planned appearance to a more-immortal-than-vampire creature who couldn't die just from being staked after all! 

What I'm saying is that the thrilling spin-off of TVD all started with Elijah and Klaus, and there's no other way it should have ended than with those two brothers. I've seen a lot of online griping about the subsequent scenes we didn't see, but come on; they're implied; we know they're going to happen, and we don't need actually to see them--the proper ending is to stay with Elijah and Klaus.

The series finale starts right where we left off the week before: Klaus has taken the Darkness into himself and is preparing to plunge the White Oak stake into his heart. As Elijah pleads with him not to do this, Hope returns from her brief wolfed outrun (remember, Crescent wolves are helpless to prevent their initial transformation but otherwise exercise complete control, so she must simply have chosen not to stay in wolf form for long). She sees what's going on, gets royally pissed at her father for what he was about to do, and magically snaps his neck.

They bring Klaus home to New Orleans, and Hope immediately dives into finding a cure, but Freya won't play along or indulge this fantasy. She makes it very clear that there is no solution, and that Klaus is right that he has to die, so don't waste his final hours fighting this; use the time to find peace and say goodbye properly. To that end, she has an idea for a spell that will at least keep his mind clear for his last day on earth.

Of course, she'll need to consult with the ultimate Darkness expert, Vincent. She goes to him for help, and he misunderstands at first, thinking she's on the save-Klaus track as usual. When he realizes the true plan, he softens and is ready to support her. Freya notices he's packing, and he says he's bailing forever, getting out of NOLA once and for all after all that's happened. 

Since time is short, she jumps right into another topic she'd been planning to bring up at a later date: She and Keelin have agreed to have a family, and they want Vincent to father their child.

Y'all, this is beautiful, and I start getting weepy at the thought, because I love Vincent, and he totally deserves to be a father and to be part of the kind of fearlessly devoted family he's been peripheral to all these years. But he doesn't quite take it as well at the moment, because he's been through so much, lost so much... just like he wasn't ready to be there for her at the wedding; he's not ready to believe in a future worth being a part of now.

Kol is also not into the family devotion today. He basically says, So what if Klaus finally bites it, because I'll believe it when I see it, and anyway, I spent centuries in a coffin because of that immortal dick. But ultimately, he comes back, of course, because Always & Forever.

Klaus' mind is clear, thanks to Freya's spell, but he's having trouble getting to peace with Hope. She's still raging at him for abandoning her, after all, she went through to get him back in her life, and leaving her now an orphan when she's still freshly mourning her mother, and disappearing when she'll need his guidance in so many things to come. 

But the one person who can soothe him right now shows up: Caroline. She plays back the voicemail Klaus left her back when he first returned to New Orleans in the backdoor pilot and reminded him that he promised to show her his city. Klaus is as touched as we are that she has saved that message all this time. (Btw, check out The CW app for a deleted scene with Klaus and Caroline!)

They wind up at a bar together, and they share a final kiss. He asks her how he is supposed to say goodbye to his daughter, and she demonstrates to him one version of a loving goodbye, making it clear this is their final moment. Then walking away with determined finality, resisting the urge to turn back, to waver in her commitment to the decision, to leave on any note besides the one she chose. I'm getting all weepy again.

Finally, Klaus and Hope have their moment, and he gets her to understand why this is the right choice. The whole family gathers for Klaus' funeral celebration, and it's sweet and sad, knowing this is the last time we'll see them all together. Marcel gets a private word in with Hope, essentially promising to guest-star on Legacies, and I'm so down with that!

The end is here, and it's down to the original three, Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah. They go together to a quiet area in the town square (considering it's nighttime during Mardi Gras, they must have compelled a city's worth of people just to clear this block!). 

Klaus gives Rebekah a final gift: He's asked Caroline to set aside the Cure for Rebekah decades from now, at the end of Damon and Elena's natural lifetime. Rebekah will finally have the human life and death she's dreamed of. She embraces him and goes away filled with hope, then finds Marcel and proposes marriage with the full understanding that her life is now finite. He accepts, and I'm so happy they're so happy.

Also, Vincent shows up to say he's changed his mind about having a family with Freya and Keelin. He says that Klaus' sacrifice inspired him to take a risk and believe in a future worth being an active part of.

And now it's just Klaus and Elijah. Elijah pulls out the White Oak stake and breaks it in two. Klaus impatiently points out the stake still has plenty of killing ability, so Elijah hasn't stopped this from happening. Elijah explains that he isn't trying to stop Klaus but to join him.

His entire, incredibly long life, Elijah's focus has been on Klaus. Klaus' humanity, Klaus' redemption. Sure, briefly there was that amnesiac dalliance with Antoinette, but other than that, Klaus has been his world. Now that Klaus has become a man who willingly goes to his own death in service of others, Elijah feels complete.

Klaus angrily accuses Elijah of making a big deal about the importance of goodbyes but then sneaking off to die without telling anyone, but of course, that's not what happened. Today was about Klaus, and Elijah got his goodbyes in quietly, on the sidelines. He made his peace with everyone, and they understood and supported his choice. I'm crying almost as hard right now as I was while actually watching it.

Together, they share a final moment and look into each other's eyes as they plunge the stakes into each other's hearts. The end. The Originals, out.

And yes, after this moment, we know Elijah and Hayley have their dance. And we know Cami is waiting to greet Klaus in the afterlife, too. But I don't need to see those moments to know they happened. Just as TVD ended with Damon and Stefan, it was right for The Originals to end with Klaus and Elijah. 

I'm grateful for the journey we got to go on with these characters. I'm in awe of the acting talent we were lucky enough to enjoy throughout. I'll be watching Legacies for sure, and I'll be looking for whatever Joseph Morgan, Daniel Gillies, and Yusuf Gatewood do next, among others. Thanks for a glorious ride, Julie Plec et al. 

10/10 Always & Forever

[cow5secondchance]

Episode 4 - Honestly I’m a Vindictive Person - Blake

Format: The Penthouse

Eliminated: Mario & Jennet (4-4-4 // 4-4-1)

WILLIAM

NICOLE

These little weirdos don’t know what they’ve just done! Lit a fire under my ASS. I’m so sick of feeling down in this game like every week is something else that I get dragged into and then the one week I’m planning nothing, thinking everything is going smoothly and my number 1 ally goes home after literally being pummeled the whole game. I’m so damn annoyed. I want the switch, I want top of the penthouse or whatever they call it. I want power so I can feel like I can shake things up!!!! 

CAPTAIN

hello everyone i forgot to update yall since the second week so here we go! so we pulled off the plan to evict wyatt and i was so scared that they were going to pick me but i guessed they still love me and that makes me feel bad but urgh.. i just hope they could be able to come back </3 now we're moving to the daisy chain round in which isaac ruined everything after he saved nicole when he should save mario so thats a red flag. anyways, i came up with the plan to save everyone from the greenhouse and pretty people wink wink and i did that so congrats me. anyways, isaac put mario up and i was like maam not mario. no one talked to me about the votes. the alliance with blake, jennet, autumn, nicole, isaac and jarod? i think was made and now blake is upset with me for not telling him everything when i didn't talk about anyone in this vote and i just voted out isaac because i couldn't vote out mario? so white man.... urgh 

these white ppl are freaking out too much

XAVIER

I want to end up in the Penthouse. Put Kaleigh last, so she gets eliminated, as I don't think her Defender will save her. And then the 4 options left, the 6 who voted together now will just have to vote together again. I want those who are really playing to stay longer, even if they are threats to me. It's just more fun. So none of those just popping up to vote :) All plans though. Might delete later haha.

JAROD

NYX

So this week went the way I wanted it to but not without a bunch of complications. So the daisy chain went pretty well I mean we controlled it from beginning to end and I think that we made it obvious enough to where the greenhouse people weren't seen as an immediate target. Then isaac and kaleigh ended up being up for banishment and I was really happy since kaleigh i don't talk to as much and i just voted isaac as well as him being way too chaotic for my liking. When Kaleigh won the uproot though that's when i got nervous because that meant there was gonna be a replacement and of course with my luck it was mario. Now this round changed my outlook on a lot of things because when i was campaigning for mario mario didn't do anything. He wasn't talking to people, he wasn't making bonds, and it's so fucking hard to save someone who won't save themself. There's also the fact that all of sequester voted the exact same way to save isaac which is also suspicious. Granted we in the greenhouse did as well. So this makes me realize that probably sometime soon, i'm gonna have to renege on the greenhouse four because mario clearly isn't gonna help my game much when it's my ass and were gonna be such an obvious target moving forward. Since the vote was 6-4 besides sequester and GH i don't think there's any clear alliances made so depending on who wins power this round i'm gonna have to make the move. the question right now is just how?

I put a lot of effort into winning that penthouse comp so it sucks that I didn't win BUT. If there was anything i trust to put my faith in it's definitely william since we just pulled a big move together so ik he'll at least have my back. I think i have a good chance of surviving this round but i guess we'll see

XAVIER

I AM SO BAD AT CHALLENGES. I reviewed the videos and all the details. But got bogged down with reading Wyatt's question - not the color of the shirt Wyatt is wearing! And just counted the painted art of Jennet, not the total. OH WELL. I have a pretty good relationship with William. I don't think I'll be in the bottom 5. Just depends now on who has the Switch and if it will be used on me. I feel it is with Jarod. Who else would Isaac give it to? Maybe Jarod won't use it on me, I think Jarod would have other targets aside from me at this point. So Greenhouse 4 still here. Mario is ... Mario. Wish Mario were more active. Harder to defend Mario now. I have a good relationship with Lindsay, William, even Kaleigh. Jarod too. Blake we get to talk. Autumn, Nicole and Jennet, I have been reaching out, but they are just so "busy" or maybe I am just not on their priority list. The Greenhouse 4 (well, 3 without Mario), William, Jennet, Lindsay voted together last round. So hopefully if we get to stick together this round, we will be safe too.

BLAKE

im feeling a bit down about my spot in the game! I think im probably a pick to go soon, and I really just need to find my footing in order to make a move in this game gr! last week i was at work, but it seems like william and nyx flipped the vote? but i cant be angry about it w/ william even though i AM so i decided just to rant about everybody ELSE to william and i think my whineyness is really working for me, serving nicole franzel, because i think william wants jennet gone which is like- good cause i think shes in the middle of the game.

CAPTAIN

william won the power! so.. i really don't know the outcomes tbh cause like even though we voted together last round, i didn't really talk to him (or anyone) about the vote. so i'm a little worried. i just hope the bond that we have made on the first round helps a bit with his decision.. please please i just wanna make it..

JAROD

XAVIER

Nice line up for bottom 5, William. Most voted with him last round except for Nicole and Kaleigh. I think he believes Kaleigh won't be saved and so eliminated first. And then Nicole would be the target. I was surprised Isaac gave Nicole the switch. I thought it would go to Jarod. Maybe Isaac thought that too, so shook things up a little. I don't think Nicole will switch me. I would want the kill used, so we don't worry about it later on. But if mostly Greenhouse is on the bottom (if Nicole switches out with Nyx), then we should use save to mess things up.

Why does it feel like I am the only one making strategic plans with these 3? Am I in the wrong alliance? Maybe I can get us 4 to sure Jury and switch to Nicole, Jarod and Blake. Ugh. Tiring.

NYX

So, this week I thought that I would be good I mean william won the penthouse comp I was safe and while the bottom five wasn't desirable i'll take it. Then of course karma comes back to bite me in the ass and the guy i orchestrated a vote out for chose the one person I couldn't have getting the karma got it and i know for a fact based on the fact nicole refuses to hold any type of intelligent conversations with me i'm in trouble

XAVIER

Could it be? Don't want to jinx it but..... https://youtu.be/wKP0hNmg4gE 

BLAKE

I’m so glad I had a literal mental breakdown last week over everything because one thing didn’t go my way. Really embarrassing for me BEBSNSNSK but anyways! Moving on! I’m hoping Kaleigh doesn’t get the boot honestly and it’s a heavy vote, considering I put in a lot of work to get myself to 2nd in the totem poll and had to release a lot of information to William to get here, it would be really unfortunate if I were to somehow end up vulnerable through a twist ! The reason I don’t want Kaleigh gone is because there are 2 other people I would rather go in the bottom (jennet and captain) for flipping. Honestly I’m a vindictive person and LOVE them but, they gotta GO just out of spite truly. I’m really happy with the new alliance of Lindsay myself William and Jarod, and the reason I’m apologizing for being a literal nut job last week is because I made everything about me, I was spiralling because I was having stress with work and everything I think? Who knows? And I really don’t think I’m in as bad of a spot as I thought I was, especially if I can knock out some big players and Isaac or daisy wins the battle back. As for the battle back!  I’ll rank the 4 people out right now on how much I want them to return 1- Isaac 2- Daisy 3- Wyatt 4- Lanie 

XAVIER

I AM IN THE JURY FOR SURE! I mean, I want to win, but for sure I am not pre-jury! Now the double vote. It was a waste of the save. Nicole should have just eliminated Kaleigh. Now it means the second round of Penthouse will be an automatic elimination. That would be tough. I know many are looking at Kaleigh and Mario to vote. But if most put votes on Kaleigh, and a few on Mario, could we still swing the second vote off Mario? And onto a bigger threat? Maybe it will help us more farther along in the game. And who doesn't want a group of 4 lasting longer? There might actually be more votes on Mario than Kaleigh, because of the Greenhouse returnees still being complete. Let me think more on this. One of them is surely going home, do you want to save the other for a bigger threat like Jennet or Lindsay? I am cool with Lindsay. Jennet I haven't forgotten being their nominee.

I am not pre-jury! I know I kept saying pre-merge in the video haha Survivor on the brain. https://youtu.be/SErcWUpfCwo 

CAPTAIN

[this is gonna be a throwback diary room entry!] william put me in the bottom 5.. not surprised i think. i was hoping if our connection we made in the first round was gonna help here but its not. but i don't blame him.. i rlly flop with talking to people the past couple of days teehee. so thats kinda the wake up call for me to like keep talking to people or else i'll be over. i don't have any bad blood with william i think but i also won't forget that he's putting me in the bottom 5. period.

NYX

Ok so, with this heavy vote twist this means one of either Jennet, Lindsay, Mario, Captain, or maybe Kaleigh will be up to be voted for. This sucks because those first 4 are close allies. So now i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because i'm gonna have to let one of them go. so now i have to pick my loyalties. I would like to get Kaleigh and maybe Mario out because then we'd be forced to work with other people in other alliances but I just don't think Xavier would turn on them like that. I just have to find some kind of excuse to pull this off. 

CAPTAIN

nicole saved kaleigh! thats good for kaleigh! this vote tho is gonna be something.. i don't wanna go so i'm fighting hard. blake told me he's not voting me. i know i can trust jarod, jennet and autumn and the greenhouse people.. so i think i'll be fine here? but idk. anything freaky could happen. for the voting plan, i think GH4 is gonna do kaleigh so thats 4 votes on her. and hopefully, jarod, jennet, autumn, blake and nicole is doing mario so it would be 5 on him. and lindsay told me she won't vote me so i think she might do mario too? since mario isn't talking to ppl. this is always my issue with mario like i love him but he doesn't even want to save himself and i just can't carry him anymore.

AUTUMN

XAVIER

So I was going to try and vote someone else out. I mean majority look like they are voting Mario. So the G4 would be voting Kaleigh. If I could just convince Mario to vote someone else, it would be 2-2. But then Blake messages and says that the G4 are voting together, so is there something. So in order to just make sure Kaleigh gets out and not cause extra drama, I am sticking to Kaleigh. Well, it is kinda obvious I guess. I just told Blake I wanted to help us all get to "merge" since we had the worst placements of all coming in the game. I hope that was convincing enough.

So G4 voted for Kaleigh, I knew it if I switched to Jennet then Jennet and Mario would have gone home. But at least it's out in the open. So I think Sequester+Jennet voted for Mario. And Penthouse+Survivor (the others) voted for Jennet. Good to know where Jarod and Blake really stand, even with all their messages to me. The swing votes are the other 4. Gotta make better relationships with William, Lindsay and Nicole. And what's up Blake? Outing the G4 in the group call? When Sequester is the same, good thing Nyx brought it up. Watch your back, Blake.

LINDSAY

Not thrilled about this vote for many reasons. So, William gets power, and he messages me, right? "I want to work with you me Jarod and Blake" okay that's cool but uhhh.... there's six white people left in the game and that's four of them... so me and jarod message like "???" and we work to stop the noms from being all POC cuz that's gross (the intention was Jennet+Greenhouse/Nicole which uhhhhhh). I talked him into at least nomming Kaleigh. Me and Jarod were under the impression that Kaleigh would go home tonight for general inactivity (also Mario because he's inactive as piss + a greenhouse kid did probably finally need to go tonight) Where did this Jennet vote come from? Who voted for Jennet? Why are they suddenly a target? I dunno man I couldn't fight it much because I was out with my friend while we were deciding who to vote for but I'm squicked out on every level right now. Clearly people weren't telling the truth to me on top of everything else.... that's not how you win my trust. My god, am I about to goat for Jarod? I think Mario/Jennet are going home but not happy about this all around. 

[bleusarcellewrites]

That's How You Know

So, happy late bday, Kim, like, a milenial late, but ey, better late than ever, imma right? eeeeey. I love you, tiny. I really really really hope you like this and I don’t break your heart like your first gift.....yeh.

Anyways, Shallura centric with mentions of Klance and Hunay and broganes.

Ps. Sorry for typos, bad grammar or stuff, ya know. Also, Allura and Shiro being awkard af bc I’m all for that shit. 

Ps.2 Read under the cut.

EDIT: i didn’t even tagged you wtf, honestly, @coralreefskim

Disclaimer: Voltron doesn’t belong to me. 

As far as Shiro is concerned: he’s an only child,

Because he’s going to kill his little brother.

Shiro stomps hard against the hall’s floor as he heads towards the last door on the right. He has walked down this hall a lot of times over the last four years, being the place where his squad and him came to have their weekly movie night.

Lance’s apartment has always been their meeting point, but, for half a year now, it had become Lance and Keith’s, seeing how much time his little brother spent at his boyfriend’s apartment rather than their own.

Which is exactly why he’s marching down to Lance’s apartment, because he knows the lil’shit he has of a brother will be there and he’s going to regret deleting the last season of Game of Thrones before Shiro had a chance to see it just to record his crappy 90’s conspiracy theories.

As soon as the familiar mahogany door is in front of him, Shiro holds up his prosthetic and knocks, maybe with a little too much force than usual, and taps his foot against the floor in impatience, grumbling under his breath as he waits for an answer.

He hears the door lock click and as soon as there’s enough space in between, Shiro is quick to raise his hand, finger pointed in accusation at the person behind the door, mouth wide open ready for a screaming match -

“Um?”

When he realizes that it’s neither Lance or Keith who is behind the door and it’s an entirely different person who he’s currently trespassing on their personal bubble, his finger a little too close to the bridge of their nose.

Bright deep blue eyes meet his own gray ones and suddenly Shiro forgets why he came here. Brother? What brother? Game of Thrones? Whatever, everyone dies anyways.

All he can focus on is those big eyes that are staring at him...with a hint of indignation and annoyance, yep, right, okay then, time to apologize.

“Um!” That’s not how one should start with when attempting to apologize, but he’s trying, “I’m sorry! I’m really sorry, I thought you were Klance - I mean! Keith! Or Lance! I thought you were one of them, and I was looking for my brother, but you’re not my brother because, of course, you don’t have a - Oh kay then, yes, so , um, you're not them, and I’m really sorry about that abrupted ...scene I guess? I don’t usually do that, but you see, it was Game of Thrones so he had to pay -”

Shiro has chill, he swears to God he's the chilled one in his family, but no one can blame him when he loses said chill because there's suddenly a Goddess in front of him, okay?

How about if he runs? Would that make this less awkward?

He doesn’t have time to decide because suddenly, the gorgeous stranger in front of him gasps and he swears her eyes sparkle as they focus on his arm prosthetic.

“Is that a prosthetic? That’s a stupid question, of course it is! Oh, my! Look at this detail, this is amazing! I have never seen technology so advanced except in our laboratory, how did you managed to get this prototype? How was the physical therapy sessions? This is quite outstanding.”

Shiro blinks, face still flushed and mouth dry.

“Uh…” he lets out dumbly and it’s enough to make the woman jump in realization, her blue eyes widening.

“Oh, oh my gosh, I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t meant to uh, I just - I’m really sorry! I just - I’m a Doctor and I just started to make a new prototype for a mechanic prosthetic along with my father back at the hospital and - not that I’m excused just for that fact but uh - I just wanted to assured you I’m not a creep or a morbid person and - Oh, quiznak,  I’m - Uh...”

She trails off unsure, lower lip getting caught between her teeth and - Ok, Shiro should really look away now.

...Ok, so, he stares a little bit more.

He doesn’t mind in the least the topic revolving around his prosthetic; it’s been a couple of years since his accident and he has healed and grow since then. His past and disability doesn't define him, he has learn that, and he lived by that.

But it’s not like he’s about to tell her that; his awkwardness had to be shared, okay? He has rights as a human being and letting other people to share the awkwardness was part of those rights.

The silence expands itself and Shiro’s starting to think that this is a good time for space cats to try and invade Earth just so he could get out of this mess.

But then the dark skinned goddess princess in front of him - because, honestly, what else could she be - claps her hands with determination before she moves around him, careful to not touch skin and somehow they end up switching places; Shiro blinks in confusion as his feet hit the wooden floor of the apartment and stares as the still unknown woman shifts on her feet outside the apartment.

“Yeah, ok, so, um, just stay there and - uh, hang on -” She says hurriedly, grabbing the handle of the door to close it carefully before she closes it entirely, leaving Shiro behind with an empty apartment.

Not two seconds later and then there’s a knock on the door. Shiro immediately opens it and then there’s the woman, smiling bright and wide at him and holding out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Allura Altea, I’m Lance’s cousin and I promise not to make this awkward again.”

That’s all it takes for Shiro to think she’s the one.

Their first date took place two weeks later right after Shiro finally got the courage to ask Allura out.

Shiro wants to emphasize that by ‘courage’ he means that his little brother quite literally kicked him in the butt towards Allura during one of Lance’s parties and shouted loud enough about how Shiro wanted to woo Allura with his charm like he wrote in his diary.

It’s a fucking journal, Keith, learn the difference.

At the end, he couldn’t really kill Keith, again, after that scene because Allura had laughed. She laughed and shook her head in disbelief before asking Shiro to expand his idea on his journal and his future plans.

Shiro was more than happy to share.

Now, they stand here: a thursday night on the small but comfortable terrace of Coran’s bakery, the dim lights hanging from the green flora around the walls giving the entire place a more romantic atmosphere.

Allura had complained at first, an embarrassed flush on her cheeks at her Uncle’s tactics and wink when they had arrived, but Shiro had waived the teasing off, offering a wink back to the mustached man and whispering a quick ‘thank you’ before guiding Allura to their table.

It takes a while but then the sun sets, the terrace get brighter and Shiro can only stare fondly as Allura keeps talking, eyes wide with excitement and arms flying around vividly at every word coming out of her mouth.

He’s entranced and he doesn't want to look away but his phone beeps besides him, letting him know it’s a quarter before midnight.

He voices his new discovery and he’s met with a confused arched eyebrow and a soft gasp.

"What? Already?"

Those gotta be his new favorite words.

Shiro chuckles softly, shaking his head in amusement as Allura takes out her own phone to confirm his statement.

"I can't believe five hours have passed already," she muses in wonder, blinking owlishly before flashing him a bright smile. "Time flies, huh?"

With her by his side? He’s starting to realize that.

That’s how Shiro knows she’s the one.

Hunay’s wedding - because apparently now ship names were a thing in their squad and they are never letting him live it down - had been beautiful and Shiro is not afraid to admit that he had been low-key sobbing during the vows.

Shiro lost track of the squad soon after Lance delivered his best man’s speech. He could still see Pidge, though, dancing on the dance floor with her brother, who is also his best friend, laughing as Matt twirls his little sister around with a happy grin, his leg prosthetic doing nothing to prevent him from having fun.

He doesn’t want to even imagine where Lance and Keith are; knowing the two of them, they were probably being teenagers in the backroom instead of two adults with aerodynamic degrees.

“They are actually cuddling,” Allura says calmly suddendly joining him, as if she had read his thoughts, before intertwining their fingers together, her touch warm and secure against his flesh hand, “I passed them just a few minutes ago, both of them laying on the sand with the sunset behind them. Quite romantic, if I say so myself.”

“They are in Hawaii, the least they could do is appreciate the beautiful view of the sunset.” Shiro jokes, and Allura nudging him with her shoulder.

“I believe that seeing one of the people you love the most on this Earth being happy beats watching a sunset in Hawaii, dear.” Allura says playfully but her eyes to meet his and the intensity and emotion in her gaze makes his breath hitch.

‘Maybe so,’ Shiro thinks as he smiles down at her fondly, ‘but I don’t need a sunset when I see my everyday sunrise in you.’

Allura mirrors his smile before she sighs contently, resting her head on his shoulder and staying quiet for a few seconds, just enjoying each other’s company before Shiro drops a kiss on top of her head.

“Hey, dance with me?” He whispers softly before he yelps out in surprise when Allura flashes him a grin and tugs his hand ,running towards the dance floor.

At her smile and the sunset glow around her frame, Shiro decides she’s the one.

It takes him exactly two years and one week to tell her his thoughts.

Not because he was unsure or doubtful about his own beliefs and feelings, far from it; it was because love takes time, and while he had known from the start that he was going to spend the rest of his life with Allura, that didn’t mean he had to rush things.

Falling in love with Allura had been like anything he has experienced before. It had been abrupt and yet soft, fast and yet slow. It had been a rush of emotions quickly followed by a wave of comfort and familiarity that Shiro can’t help but think that this is not the first time living this.

That’s why, as he kneels in front of the woman he loves, the very same woman he had meet two years ago just because he wanted to kill his brother over a silly tv show, he tells her.

He tells her his thoughts, his feelings, his promises and his plans. He whispers his love, his hopes and his desires.

He reassure her, right there, under the stars and on the edge of their city, that there’s no one else in the entire universe for him, no one else out there that can make him smile, laugh or sing at three in the morning while dancing barefoot in their living apartment because -

“You’re the one,” Allura finishes for him out loud, tears falling down her eyes and her free hand, the one that’s not wrapped around Shiro’s, pressed against her chest, “You’re the one, Takashi.”

It might be night around them at the moment, but the moment Allura smiles can’ts help but think,

‘There’s my sunrise.’

[surveystodestressme]

52.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 12

1101. Continued…Let’s see if I’m psychic. You wrote three yes or no questions. Now I will answer them. 1 yes 2 no 3 no Did I get any right? idk 1102. You wrote one question that can be answered with a color (example: what color is my car). I say…. White. Is it true? no my underwear is green and pinklol 1103. You thought of a number between 1 and 100 and typed it down. Was it 14? nada 1104. You wrote one more question, anything you wanted. The answer is yes, 42, orange, Matt, Josh, Kim, Nicole, whatever or your mom. Does that answer your question? lol you’re bad at this 1105. Do you think that Britney Spears would make a good Bond Girl? no

1106. Have you read anything by C.S. Lewis? yeah 1107. What is your favorite movie with Bill Murray? i can’t think of one right now 1108. What is your favorite movie with Jack Nicholson? doesn’t he do the shining?  and the bucket list? bc those are both rlly good 1109. What is your favorite movie with Christopher Walkin? idk 1110. What is your favorite movie with Johnny Depp? alice in wonderland 1111. What is your favorite movie with Orlando Bloom? idk any at the top of my head 1112. What rhymes with ‘orange’? door hinge 1113. Why do guys have nipples if they will never need to feed a baby? that’s just how they’re born 1114. Some people think that couples should be screened before they are allowed to reproduce (so that people who cannot afford to support a child don’t have one, or so that a child won’t be born into a dysfunction family or to unfit parents). What do you think about this? honestly as long as the test is accurate and shit, i think it’s a good idea.  too many kids get born into shit homes or with bad people and it sucks bc they’re wayyy too many kids in foster care and end up going up for adoption bc of this 1115. Have you ever swallowed an object by accident? a penny when i was little 1116. Did you get it back? yes 1117. Do you prefer He-Man or She-Ra? don’t even know what those are 1118. Are you proud of yourself? i’m doing ok with life right now so i suppose 1119. Who should go to hell? bad people 1120. Is your eyesight 20/20? not even close 1121. Have you ever had insomnia? yes. 1122. Does it bother you when people touch you? if it’s someone i don’t know or don’t like, then yes 1123. Is it better to get too much or too little sleep? i’d rather have too little honestly bc i know how to deal with that lol 1124. Have you ever given away something you made? What? yeah some ceramics projects i made in class 1125. Is it better to have kids when you are in your teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, or older? i’d say mid to late 20s 1126. What gets your adrenaline pumping? making rash decisions 1127. Is hell all fire and brimstone or is it personal for everyone like in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey? Or does it not exist? it doesn’t exist 1128. Do you ever talk about yourself in the third person? only when i’m trying to be funny 1129. What’s your favorite radio station? What kind of music do they play? i listen to 105.7 a lot, and rock 1130. What did you think of these movies: Election? Gone With the Wind? Fight Club? pretty good!! Spider Man? depends on which one we’re talking about The Virgin Suicides? Resident Evil? Signs? it’s ok Muppets from Space? Pearl Harbor? Halloween Resurrection? not bad The Dark Crystal? 1131. Is everyone special? i suppose 1132. Are your toes: Painted (what color)? Manicured? Sparkly? Soft? Wearing a toe ring? Do you have hobbit-feet? none of these honestly lol 1133. Do you believe there is anyplace still undiscovered in all the world? of course 1134. Whose picture would you like to paint a target on and throw darts at? dahmer 1135. Is love all you need? no necessarily 1136. Ever caught a fish? yep 1137. Are you adventurous? i try to be 1138. Are you afraid of mediocrity? not afraid of it 1139. Would you rather die tomorrow or have all your friends die? i’d rather die 1140. What are 3 things you don’t understand? 1 why people are rude 2 why the world is such a cruel place 3 why people decided money should rule everyones life 1141. I would do anything for love but I won’t do 'that’. What is 'that’? kill myself 1142. Has your diary ever been rated? idek what that means? 1143. Do you do more than kiss on the first date? i’ve never been on a real date besides with my current boyfriend so idk but i don’t think that i would 1144. Are you very liberal or conservative? idk 1145. What do you like about your neighbors? i don’t really like my nieghbors lol 1146. I read that by 2010 they expect to market a gene therapy procedure that will increase the life spans of adult human beings by double or triple. If this happened would you have it done? nada 1147. If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands. Did you clap? yes 1148. Was this year a good year for you? so far 1149. What are you looking forward to next year? moving and switching colleges 1150. Are you a Jim Henson fan? not really. 1151. What do you think of these diarist names? ToxicToast: Solitary Music: gemini_wish_star: juneberry: haha idc. 1152. Do you read the Diary Master’s diary? no. 1153. Have you ever made an enemy on OD? no. 1154. Have you ever (or do you know anyone who’s) been deleted from OD? idk what that is. 1155. Were you ever in the first row of a concert? not yet 1156. Did you ever meet a celebrity? Who? steve-o 1157. Do you have any autographs? yes. 1158. Can you visualize whirled peas? idek what that is 1159. Are there some situations where love just isn’t enough to keep 2 people together? When does that happen? idk 1160. Do you have no attention span? i do 1161. What do you think of these entry titles? me. back. home: steak and butter: The Smurfs Go Communist: The controversial Athens: 1162. Have you ever been wrongly accused? yeah 1163. When you wash your hair do you blow dry it or let it dry naturally? naturally 1164. Where does your family go on vacation? we don’t go on vacation anymore 1165. Have you ever been to: Newport, Rhode Island? nope Dutch Wonderland? no. Salem, MA? no Niagara Falls? no 1166. Have you ever given money to OD cares? no. 1167. Have you ever created an OD interest? If yes, what interests did you create? IDK WHAT THAT IS 1168. What do you think of these entry names? DEAR SOUL FRIEND 57 Loss: I had a good title but i forgot it: Left Alone: yeah yeah…he kissed her: cool. 1169. If you have aol what is your 'you’ve got mail’ sound? IDK 1170. What will you never have enough of? food. 1171. Who can you only handle in small doses? My brother 1172. You are at a magic auction where you can bid on impossible things but you only brought enough money to buy one thing. Out of these..which would you buy? entrance into whatever afterlife you believe in a guarantee that you will have at least 3 books published in your life a new car, house and boat each year unending creative inspiration ultimate compassion and acceptance of others a trip into outer space perfect health for the rest of your life 1173. In the above question if finding perfect love was a choice would you change your answer? no, bc i have that now.  well it’s not perfect but ya know 1174. What food is so fattening or unhealthy that you would NEVER touch it? nothing lol 1175. Which do you love more, your country or your planet? country. 1176. What do you think of: Abba? idk Brian Adams? idk No Doubt? good shit 1177. Are you more logical or emotional? emotional lol 1178. Do you think that tattoos and piercing are overrated? not at all 1179. What do you think of these diary titles? The Seamless Garment: Your eyes can be so cruel: What was, is no more: shock me sane: omg i don’t care about these. 1180. Do you believe that Michael Jackson molests children? i don’t even know man 1181. Hypothetically, let’s say that he did molest them. Who would you feel should be held MORE accountable, Michael Jackson or the parents that allowed their children to go to Never Land Ranch unsupervised for sleepovers? both i suppose 1182. Have you ever been to: Manhattan? no Disney? no Paris? no Anywhere cooler? 1183. What 3 music videos should everyone download? i don’t really watch music videos 1184. If someone bet you ten dollars that you couldn’t sing the whole Gummy Bears theme song, would you be able to do it and win? nope 1185. Do you like Bjork? don’t know what that is 1186. How about the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club? ^ 1187. What do you think of Moby? ^ 1188. What do you think of Alien Ant Farm? they’re good 1189. What do you think of the Flaming Sideburns? idk them. 1190. Do you believe that imps, trolls, giants, dragons, unicorns, etc. were real but became extinct? nope 1191. What sucks? school 1192. What do you think of these diary titles? Geologist to the Stars: The Hussy Chronicles: Gravy: Napping in the Broom Closet: again, idc. 1193. Do you ever think about suicide? i used to 1194. Do you believe that Jesus Christ was a real person? How about Noah? dk dc 1195. What is one luxury you refuse to live without? running water lol and electricity 1196. What is one luxury you feel you could live without? technology, like my phone or laptop 1197. Do you feel that you are high, medium, or low maintenance in a relationship? medium. 1198. What do you think of these diarist names? N.Y.S: Collapsibleman: *})|({*: black dove: omg bye. 1199. Do vegetables taste better from the store or from your garden? both they taste the same 1200. How long have you spent on this survey so far? too long

[sheepydraws]

I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass!(5/11)

Last Chapter 

Next Chapter

October

Facebook messenger:

Akane: I think I’m getting somewhere with Ryoga.

Ranma: Should you really be messaging me during class? Don’t you think I might be trying to pay attention?

Akane: You’re playing tetris, like you do every class, because you’re just that lame.

Ranma: And you are somehow taking notes and im-ing me, because you are just THAT lame.

Akane: It’s called multitasking. I’m earning a degree, and breaking off my engagement at the same time.

Ranma: So when is this guy gonna challenge me again? ‘Cause it’s getting too cold for this shit.

Akane: He’s coming along. He’s recovered physically, now I think he needs just another little confidence boost and he’ll be ready to go again.

Akane: I have a plan.

Ranma: I have to make a fool of myself, don’t I?

Akane: No. Just make a mess of your next challenge. Almost lose.

Ranma: You can’t see it, but I’m rolling my eyes.

Akane: You’re right. All I can see is the porn on your tumblr dash.

Ranma: I follow a lot of artists. It’s artistic nudity!!!

Akane: It’s tentabulges, Ranma.

Akane: Grow up and get ready to throw some fights

Genma’s phone———— > Ranma’s phone

Soun and I are coming for the

parent day thing to get my car

back.

                                                                                         Cool. I’ll tell everyone        

                                                                                         you’re my gay uncles.

No, you will not. I was thinking

we could spar. If you win you

get a cheat day.

                                                                                            You’re on.

Kuno’s phone——->Nabiki’s phone

Nabiki Tendo, are you the person

to whom I should submit my

desire to challenge Ranma?

                                                                                       I can tell you’re Kuno

                                                                                       but I have no idea how        

                                                                                       you got this number.

Sister. Has a friend who has a

friend.

Where do I submit?

                                                                                        At my feet.

You keep thr box is there?

                                                                                       Are you okay?

I go my head hit. Mmmask broke.

Remembered I had to tallk to YOU.

                                                                                       Where are you?

Health cenydr cengwe cen

                                                                                    Do you have a concussion?

                                                                                     Kuno?

Kodachi’s Journal:

My only brother!

Twisted as you are

I believed you to be impervious from harm

And guarded against deceit.

But it seems you are as many faced as a hindu god

Yet as weak as a mere mortal.

I have no words for what I’ve seen

or rather i am brimming with unsaid words

But you are deaf to them

(Cause you’re asleep. And I have to sit here at your desk and make sure you can wake up and it’s tedious as fuck and I should really get you to do something for me after this, once you explain why the fuck Nabiki Tendo was the one who told me you had hit your head again. I really can’t figure out how to make a poem about that. I mean, what the fuck? Why was she at the health center, her face all pinched and weird? Then she saw me and she was like, okay, this is everything I know about concussions cause my dad runs a dojo and blah blah blah and I had to sit there for like an hour as she explained everything that the nurse would then spend, like, another hour saying. AND I’VE ALREADY DONE THIS ONCE THIS YEAR. Why does it take so long to say, he needs to rest but not too much? UUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH)

My brother is not impervious without his helmet.

Without him I won’t be either.

Nabiki’s phone———->Ranma’s phone

Kuno may have a concussion, but

he wants to duel you.

                                                                                           Again???

I don’t fucking know. Now you’d be

dueling for Akane instead of his

sister’s honor or whatever, right?

                                                                                I mean, he must have a head

                                                                                injury if he wants to take me    .                                                                               again.

Dude…Shut up.

                                                                                            What?

I was scared, okay? Only for a

minute, but I was really

freaked out when he was

texting me gibberish.

Goddamnit, Tatewaki Kuno

is MINE. The only person

who gets to kill him is

ME.

                                                                                       Jesus christ, Nabiki.    .        .                                                                                      And you tell me I should  .                                                                                      get therapy.

You should.

                                                                               Bet we could get a group rate.

From: Prettyporkchop@gmail.com

To: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dear Ryoga,

You haven’t written in a while, is everything alright? You’re making friends, right? I mean, you’re not lonely, are you? You aren’t always great at being social. I know. I had to practically drag you out of the library and shove you into that booth at Ronnie’s for our first date. Of course, later, I really loved that unlike a lot of my friends boyfriends, you weren’t a skirt chaser. You never looked at another girl.

I totally botched the Creamfield bake-off. By the time the buzzer went off the only thing that was done was me. Three weeks of perfecting that custard and it didn’t set. The humidity, I suppose. Or maybe it was me. My cooking has gone completely off the rails. I can barely make a proper sponge turn out. It’s like I’ve been cursed.

Of course, this happens from time to time. I just hoe you’re doing better than me.

Best wishes,

Akari.

——I feel like I’m just missing/something whenever you leave/You’ve got all the ingredients/except you needing me

Mousse’s phone——> Shampoo’s phone

Are you really not going to come

home until Thanksgiving break?

                                                                                    Yes.

We’re literally an hour away.

I’ll make the drive.

                                                                Look. I have a boyfriend, and he’s going

                                                                 overseas for winter break, so I have to

                                                                 make the most of our weekends.

You? A boyfriend? That’s

rich.

                                                                                     So’s he. And British.

Oh, yeah, and I’ll never see him

because he’s always in England?

At least I don’t lie to you.

                                                                I’m not lying. I could ask him if he wants

                                                                 to come over for Thanksgiving break.

Sure. When he respectfully

declines you should consider

coming home this weekend.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: Ryoga, I need you to text this number and say you would love to see us for Thanksgiving break, but you’re going to be in England.

Ryoga: But I won’t be. I have to stay with my mom upstate.

Shampoo: Sure. Say that. Hell, that’s more believable.

Ryoga: Wait, could I stay with you over the break?

Shampoo: No, you have to see your mom, remember? Why wouldn’t you want to see your mom?

Ryoga: We’ve never been close. Not in a bad way, she’s just never around. I don’t really know her.

Shampoo: Didn’t you come here to be closer to her? This is your chance!

Ryoga: Actually, I came here because…I don’t know. I was looking at college applications and Akari wanted us to go together, and I love Akari, but…

Shampoo: But you needed to bond with your mother!

Ryoga: No, I was thinking about how, when I was a kid my parents dragged me from here to kingdom come because of their jobs. Then they split and my dad took me to England. Then one day this girl kind of decided I was her boyfriend, and then she wanted to decide the rest of my life.

Ryoga: I felt like I had never chosen anything for myself. So I made the craziest decision I could. A choice no one would have made for me. That’s why I’m here.

Shampoo: Touching, riveting stuff, Ry-Ry. Really. You should write a book.

Shampoo: TEXT THE NUMBER.

To: Prettyporkchop@gmail.com

From: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dear Akari,

Of course there aren’t any other girls [deleted].

Akari, I would never cheat on you. I know you were being a little flippant in your last e-mail, but I’m serious. There are pretty girls here, of course. There are pretty girls from the end of Africa to the tip of Antartica, but I would never touch a single one if I was dating someone else.

I’m sorry to hear about the bake off. Maybe you should make something you never make so that even if it isn’t perfect you won’t be able to tell.

There was a lot of excitement here today. Long story short, one of my friends and her boyfriend [deleted] friend [deleted] and my roommate got thrown in a pond. It was terrifying. Everyone thought they were going to die, or catch pneumonia and then die.

I’ll tell you the whole story when we see each other over winter break. Sorry I won’t be home for the Thanksgiving break they’re giving us (can you imagine?) I want to spend it with my mom. We’ve really been getting on together.

See you soon

Ryoga

Akane’s Diary:

Today was…not a good day.

You’d think a day that ends curled up writing in your diary with someone’s head in your lap would be pretty decent, but so far this is the nicest thing that has happened.

Well, that and the fact that there were crepes at breakfast. You know how in Catcher in the Rye the school always served them steak before the parents showed up, so that if their parents asked what they had eaten for dinner last night they would say steak? Well damnit if it isn’t true. The food was fantastic today: roasted potatoes and cheesecake and chicken tenders and a beef roast. And a crepe bar.

It would have tasted a lot better if I hadn’t been panicking the entire time dad and Nabiki and I were eating lunch. Kuno and Ranma were going to duel at 1:45 (Kuno figured it was when the dining hall would be the most packed so no parents would catch them), and I had to make sure Ryoga showed up and saw Ranma slipping. I wonder if Kuno arranged for the duel to be today because he knew his father would be busy?

Anyway. So I’m sitting there wolfing down my potatoes and half listening to my dad tell me about how things are back home, when Genma Saotome plopped down at our table.

Plopped is not the right word for it. Genma is explosive. He plunks down, tossing his keys onto the table, where they smack into and almost topple my milk glass, then throws one arm over the back of his chair and places the other on the table, taking up as much space as humanly possible before he says, “ ‘Kane, do you know where Ranma is?”

I keep eating. Genma never figured out my deadname, or doesn’t remember it, or maybe just says ‘Kane because he thinks it will get a bigger rise out of me. I don’t know. But I don’t dignify taunts with a response.

Nabiki stabbed a bit of her roast and said, “I can’t imagine why you think Akane would know.”

“My car keys were on his bed-do any of you lock your doors?-but I can’t find him. I’ve been texting him and he knew we were coming, so he must be hiding.” Then Genma laughed that awful laugh of his. Super loud, but grating instead of infectious like a good loud laugh should be. “Scared to take on his old man. Can you imagine?”

“I’m sorry, dad,” I said, standing up and pushing my chair in, “Can you hang out with Nabiki for a bit? I told a friend of mine I would help him study.”

“Didn’t you just finish midterms?” My dad said with a sip of milk, “I thought that was why this was scheduled for today, so you wouldn’t be too worried about class.”

“Yeah, he thinks he really fucked up, so we were going to go over some stuff to calm him down. It shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

My dad shrugged. I call him pretty regularly, so it wasn’t like we had a ton of catching up to do. I think he really came to get Genma’s car back and seeing Nabiki and I was just a bonus. “Alright. I’ll be with Nabiki till dinner, then I’m leaving.”

Nabiki made an interesting face, which may have had something to do with all the contraband in her room, but I couldn’t help her. I had to run down to Ryoga’s room and tell him to watch the duel today.

“Isn’t this a re-run?” Ryoga asked, without looking up from his computer.

“That’s why I want to see it. I’ve heard Kuno intends to win this time.”

“Good for him.”

Obviously Ryoga did not see this as the rematch of the century, so I changed tracks. “Please do this with me, I need some time away from Ranma’s father.”

That got his attention. “Ranma’s father?”

“Yeah. He came down with my dad and is stuck to his side and he’s-“ I made vague hand gestures. I mean, there are words for Genma Saotome, but they are best barked in German, not whined in English.

Ryoga shrugged and stretched and looked around for his jacket. “I guess if you need a break that bad…This won’t take long right?”

“Nope.” I said, although I assumed it would be longer than the last couple of duels. If Ranma was going to fuck around and almost lose it would probably take a while to put on a good show.

Then again, I feel like Ranma has been dealing with these fights faster and faster the colder it gets. He does not like shivering.

We get to the expected spot by the lake and Ranma and Kuno are there, and they’ve decided to wait until two to start, since a lot of people apparently wanted to come to this one. I don’t know how Nabiki gets the word out about these things, but she sure does a good job of it.

Ranma kept checking the clock on his phone, then regretting it and stuffing his fingers back into his pockets.

Ryoga asked me if I was cold like five times, but I was staying warm making faces at Ranma, trying to convey how badly I wanted them to JUST START ALREADY. Ranma says I looked like I was trying not to sneeze.

Finally it was either two or Ranma was really sick of waiting, because he asked for someone to count down from three.

“Should only one of you have a sword?” I said before anyone could start counting.

Ranma gave me a cocky grin. “I can handle him, and his wood. Count us in, darlin’.”

Considering what happened later I feel pretty stupid for blushing at that.

As soon as I said ‘three’, Kuno lunged. He is not a subtle fighter. He refused to go on the defensive. To be fair, his sword did give him a much bigger reach, but it also gave Ranma some time to play up how weak he had gotten. He was slow and wobbly, barely dodging Kuno’s swings, and when he jumped out of the way he couldn’t stick his landings. He didn’t even try to attack, as though Kuno was too fast for him.

“Is he hungover again?” Ryoga whispered to me.

“I don’t think he’s been training.” I whispered back. It was hard to keep a straight face as I said that. I would bet my sister-hell, both of them-on Ranma running, stretching, and lifting weights everyday. Ranma doesn’t do cheat days, and he does not skip leg day.

But he was putting on a good performance, staying just ahead of Kuno, but close enough that even I thought he might lose.

Which meant Kuno thought that too, so he got even more reckless, and in one ill-timed swing and a well timed kick, he was down for the count.

“Goddamnit,” He said as he got up off the ground, “I came here to defend Miss Tendo’s honor. I think of her—“

“Is that the best you can do?”

I froze. Not that I wanted to hear Kuno talk about my porcelain flower or whatever weird metaphor he was about to get into, but I’d take him over Genma Saotome any day.

“Run home to mommy, you fucking pansy.” Genma said to Kuno as he took Kuno’s place in the center of the unofficial ring.

Kuno looked shocked. I don’t think anyone has ever taken that tone with him. Sneering and cruel. Even Nabiki can’t talk like that, like her words are made of splinters.

Kuno drew himself up to his full height. “I take unction at your tone-“ He looked Genma up and down, and made his distain clear before he graciously added, “-sir.”

“And I take unction at you still being in my ring.” Genma went to shove Kuno and Kuno dodged, just as Genma knew he would. Kuno took a sharp kick to the stomach, and though he walked out of the ring with his head held high, he had a look on his face that said he would much rather have doubled over.

“You see?” Genma said, turning to Ranma. “That’s how you deal with a guy like that. None of this wobbling all over the place. Who trained you, kid? ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t me.”

“Who the hell are you?!” Ryoga yelled, pretty freaked out.

Genma glared at him. “Genma Saotome. I thought I was Ranma’s teacher, but he clearly hasn’t learned jack shit.” He looked from me to Ryoga and smirked, “This the friend you were helping, Akane?”

“How did you even get here?”

He shrugged. “Heard some kids talking about a duel. I figured Ranma would be around.” He turned to address the crowd at large. “Shows over, by the way. Ranma and I have some family business to settle, so I suggest you all move along.”

I don’t think anyone wanted to be around Genma a minute longer than they had to. I actually had to grab Ryoga’s coat to keep him still. I wasn’t going anywhere. I could see Ranma over Genma’s shoulder, stock still, head down, centering himself. He was preparing for a serious fight. I wasn’t about to leave him alone in it.

Genma saw we weren’t leaving and decided to ignore us. “Might as well have you count us in,” He grunted at me. He took off his coat and tossed it to the side. The man is getting into his fifties, but he is still packed with muscle you can see right through his shirt.

I counted them in, but after I finished they just circled each other. They went around and around, waiting for the first move.

I don’t want to write what happened after that. I’m a little queasy just remembering it. I had thought for a minute that it would be like when my dad and I sparred. Fun and fast, me showboating a little and desperately looking for the upper hand as my father carefully blocked me and sent quick hits my way. My dad’s always gone easy on me—no, my dad always protected me. He could have thrashed me soundly, but he didn’t, because what kind of a sick fuck would do that to their own kid?

Not that Ranma wasn’t giving as good as he got, mind you. He’s been training with his dad his whole life. Still, every time his dad landed a hit I would gasp and grab Ryoga’s sleeve. Genma may have taught Ranma how to dodge, but he’s not as good at taking a punch, and Genma played to that.

I don’t know why my stomach clenched every time Ranma got hit. Maybe it was because it was his dad, and there is something about watching someone’s parents beat them up that makes me viscerally ill. Maybe it’s because I used to be scared of my dad. Not that he had ever threatened me, but, well, Genma’s the worst, but judging by the people dad used to hang out with, he wasn’t always the nicest person, either. There was no telling what he was going to do when I came out.

He cried. It was the last thing I was expecting. Questions, I think. Shock and a long string of questions.

Instead he burst into tears and kept talking about my mom. He didn’t make a lot of sense, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so I poured a bowl of potato chips and cracked open a beer for him. Kasumi usually cooks when people are sad, but that’s about the extent of my culinary skills.

Anyway, at some point my dad calmed down a little and said, “I’m sorry, Akane. When you have kids all you want for them is the best life possible. Then their mothers pass away, and they tell you things like that, and you know their lives are going to be that much harder.”

So I said, “You know, by you being okay with this you’re making my life a lot easier already, right?” and we shared a smile, and for a minute there I felt really good, like everything was going to work out.

I don’t know what Genma said when Ranma came out to him, but for some reason while they fought I started trying to imagine it. Every scenario I came up with made me madder and madder. Chest shaking, vision blurring mad. Rage. I wanted to plough my fists into his chest. I wanted to crack his skull like a cinder block.

That was when Ranma bounced off a tree and flew towards his father. It would have doubled his power if he’d actually hit his dad, but a move like that gave Genma plenty of time to react.

Genma threw Ranma into the lake.

I screamed.

Both Ryoga and Genma jumped.

I think I was screaming words?

Genma blocked as I ran past him.

You ever jumped into a half-frozen pond? Rage can’t keep you warm in there. I swear my heart stopped for a minute. By that point Ryoga was screaming too. Although he was screaming my name and telling me to stop and that he would call security or whatever.

I can’t swim, but I can tread water a little, and that’s all you really need to drag a guy out of a shallow lake.

For a minute Ranma lay on the shore and I kneeled there, shaking and gasping, and thinking, At least if I throw up it’ll be warm.

“We have to get you in a hot shower,” Ryoga said as he tried to pull me to my feet.

“Blankets,” I gasped. My chest was doing that awful thing where you shiver right down to your spine, causing your ribs to vibrate against each other. “A hot shower could put us into shock.”

“Is that what’s happening to Ranma?”

Ranma didn’t look good, but aside from his lips being blue, he didn’t look bad, either. Just dazed. He waved a hand limply and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but his teeth just chattered so loudly it seemed theatrical. A skull shouldn’t make that noise unless someone is clacking it’s jaw together and reciting shakespeare.

Ryoga helped him up and the three of us staggered to the closest dorm, which was Ryoga and Ranma’s.

Once we were in their room I told Ryoga to go get the pile of blankets on top of my dresser, and tell Nabiki and dad what had happened.

By the time he left the room Ranma had his shirt off and was fumbling with the edge of his binder. Between his numb fingers and the water plastering it to his skin I was the one who had to wrestle it off of him. While Ranma rummaged around for another clean shirt I stripped off my tights, and discarded them next to his binder.

“Do you have a shirt I could wear?” I whispered. The last thing you would expect ice water to affect is your voice, but it closes off your throat like a fist.

Ranma didn’t say anything. He went over to his closet and dragged a big flannel robe off the top shelf.

For a few minutes it felt like a locker room after pe in highschool, both of us carefully moving around each other and pointedly not looking at anything in particular. Except instead of heading off to biology we had to sit there on Ranma’s bed, waiting for Ryoga to come back with all my stuff.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Ranma said as he wrung his hair out in a scratchy white towel.

“I thought your heart might have stopped or something.”

“It wasn’t that cold.”

“I guess.”

I toyed with a loose thread on the robe. I was also wrapped in the comforter off Ryoga’s bed, but underneath my skin still felt cold and clammy where it overlapped.

“Where’d you pick up that blanket thing?” Ranma asked, passing me the towel. “I thought for hypothermia you were supposed to get naked and share body heat.”

I snorted. “Sure, Ranma, but I don’t have a pile of pretty naked people on my dresser.”

“You could if you wanted to.” Ranma said with a wink. I would have laughed if the wink hadn’t made him wince.

“Did he have to hit your face?” I said, softly, as though that would make it less awful.

Ranma touched the spot where he would soon have a shiner. “Well, yeah. I left it open.”

I wanted to scream for a second. Tell him that was the worst thing I had ever heard, but what could he have said? Like it was his fault his father was disgusting.

“Stand up.” Ranma said, and I got off the bed. He gently took Ryoga’s comforter from me and spread it over his bed. Then he climbed back into the bed and scooted over so there was room for me to join him.

I stood there for a minute, weighing the desire to be warm against my desire for things to not be even more awkward, when Ryoga returned with the blankets, my clothes, and my family. He also had this book. I had forgotten I shoved it between the folds of the blankets till it fell out as he unfolded one.

Nabiki immediately ran over and cradled my face in her hands, demanding to know what had happened. I told her while dad checked Ranma and started layering him with blankets. By the time he was done all that stuck out was Ranma’s hair. With all those blankets on top of him, and his hair half red and half black with his roots coming in, my bed looked like we were putting on a production of  the Princess and the Chile Pepper.

Then dad made me get in the bed and worried over us for a little longer, asking if we needed anything, if we were getting warmer, until he had to go get dinner and go home. He kissed us both on the forehead like we were sick kids. Which I guess we were.

Nabiki promised that she would make sure we were okay, and saw him out. On the way they bumbped into Kodachi Kuno of all people, who showed up with two plates full of food from the dining hall. She was all blushey and stuttery, and it was kind of adorable.

Maybe Ranma will go out with her someday. It might be cute.

Don’t tell Ranma, but he’s kind of cute when he sleeps. He doesn’t look like he’s about to start a fight. Slack-jawed and innocent, like everyone else.

Right now I’m sitting up in bed with Ranma’s head on my thigh, and Ryoga typing something at his desk. It’s not just warm, it’s downright cozy in here. I’m probably going to fall asleep like this, because I am far too comfortable to move.

Although lying down would mean moving Ranma’s head.

I’d have to touch it.

I bet his hair is really soft.

No, wait, it got bleached to put the red in.

(It’s really soft).

Ryoga’s phone——->Mousse’s phone

Hey, it’s Ryoga. I’m coming

over with Shampoo for

Thanksgiving. How is that

going to work? Are you

going to pick us up? what

time? Where?

                                                             Who is this? How do you

                                                             know Shampoo?

Well, we met cause I’m

friends with her room

mate.

                                                             Are you the boyfriend she

                                                             was talking about?

Sure. Why not.

                                                             Shampoo’s grandmother will

                                                             be horrified. Let me ask her

                                                             what she thinks.

Mousse’s phone——-> Grandmother’s phone

Grandmother, Shampoo

wants to bring a boy

home for Thanksgiving

break!!!

                                                               How nice. I’d love to see what kind

                                                               of boy could capture her heart.

                                                               Wild as a horse, fickle as a cat.

                                                               Let’s see the man who’d propose

                                                               to tame her.

Grandmother, it’s disgust-

ing!!! They may be having

sex! They might have it

under your roof!!!

                                                              Easy on the exclamation points, son.

                                                              I wouldn’t mind some great

                                                              grandchildren!

                                                              Now stop texting and get back here.

                                                              This lemon chicken won’t deliver itself!

Mousse’s phone——->Ryoga’s phone.

Lot outside the girls dorm,

Friday, four pm. Don’t be

late. I will leave without

you.

A small white spiral bound notebook with ‘Ranma Saotome’ written along the top edge of the cover in block letters with a black sharpie.

I always thought diaries were just plot devices, but Akane actually keeps one and she’s a lot better adjusted than me, so I thought I’d try it for a while.

I’ve never slept with a girl before. Ukyo and I had sex, but that was always in the middle of the afternoon, or in a parked car, or whatever. We never slept with each other.

I guess what I’m really thinking about is that I woke up with a girl. It was weird. I didn’t see Akane the second I woke up. I was staring at the ceiling, one leg and like twenty blankets hanging over the edge of the bed. I was trying to remember the dream I’d been having or some other dumb shit like that, and then I turned over and was nose to nose with Akane.

She looked different with her hair all messed up and pillow creases on her face. She’s usually perfect. Hair tucked back, just a teeny bit of make up, pressed dress. She looked kind of funny drooling on my pillow.

Then she woke up and I freaked out. I mean, all I did was freeze up, but I was sure she was about to scream at me or something.

She smiled. This big, goony smile, like she’d just buried her face in a dog’s belly or had a sip of sweet, creamy, hot chocolate.

“Hey.” She whispered.

“Hey.”

She has huge eyes. Huge and dark with super long lashes.

“You feel okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. You?”

She stretched her arms over the head, pressing her palms against the wall. Then she went back to smiling. “I feel way too relaxed. I have like two essays due this week.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah. We’re taking the same classes.”

I think I blushed. My face definitely got warmer. I’m a fucking idiot.

“Ranma,” Akane said, and the way she was looking at me was soft and intense at once. Cow eyes? I don’t know. Like a soap opera. I thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant, or maybe start crying.

She touched my face. The crest of bone just under my eye. I’m not sure what the word is for something like that. Intimate, maybe. It felt like the most intimate I had ever been with someone.

Then she broke it. Whatever that moment was. She sat up and stretched again, and said, “I should really get to the library and start on that Ottoman essay. I hate research essays. I can never get good sources.” She climbed over me and started gathering up all her stuff. Including a little black book.

“Is that your diary?” I asked, because for some reason I needed to keep talking.

She frowned and shoved it under her coat. “It’s nothing. Make sure Ryoga doesn’t forget my quilts when he comes over.”

Then she left. I’m sure it was a diary, so I figured I would try writing stuff down too and dug out this notebook.

I think this top blanket here is homemade. I think most of these are. They look knit or crochet or something. I wonder if Kasumi made them.

Well. I wrote everything down and I still feel as crazy as ever. I’m gonna go for a run. That always does the trick.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: I JUST GOT MY COSTUME!!!!

Ukyo: Cool. I’m in class.

Shampoo: I LOOK SO GOOD!!! THERE’S THIS HUGE PARTY AT SOMEONE’S HOUSE OFF CAMPUS. YOU, ME, BANGING COSTUMES, DRINKS, DANCING, BOYS? GIRLS? INSANITY!!!

Ukyo: I did bring my costume from last year…

Shampoo: YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!

Shampoo: Should I invite Ryoga?

Ukyo: I think he’d like that

Ukyo: But he has to wear a costume. Tell him it’s mandatory!

Facebook messenger, Royga:

Shampoo: PARTY!!! YOU ME UKYO DRINKS DANCING MAKING OUT!!!

Ryoga: When?!!

Shampoo: HALLOWEEN! YOU NEED A COSTUME!

Ryoga: Shit. Where would I get a costume?

Shampoo: Oh, baby, do I have you covered.

Ryoga: Can I bring Akane?

Ryoga: Wait, can I do the masked man thing?

Shampoo: You’ll have a mask alright.

Ryoga: No, I mean, the thing where we meet at a party and she doesn’t recognize me and I talk to her and she falls in love with me, and the next day I reveal myself!

Ryoga: This is brilliant! Shampoo, thank you so much!!!

Shampoo: wut.

Shampoo: Nm, you are going to look so hot in this costume you probably will score with Akane.

Kodachi’s Journal

All Hallows Eve

The most wretched of days

When man’s sins run amuck

Lust in the corner with the slutty nurses,

Gluttony lurking by the candy bowl,

Sloth hidden in the cheap hoodies and ski masks

Pride catching on the sequins and cardboard

Of those most fanciful designs

Envy trailing just behind them

Greed stretched across the faces of those

Who would make a quick buck

On shoddy material and cheap sugar

And wrath

Anywhere you don’t expect

Waiting to spring out at you

On the only night of the year when a murder in a ally

Might be performance art

I’m staying in my room,

Windows barred

Poker drawn

Netflix blazing.

Ranma’s Diary

I’m so glad I threw together a costume this year.

There was this really big party, which Kuno of all people clued me in on, cause he was eating breakfast with his sister, and they were talking about how neither of them wanted to go to this big party (although once I got there…well, that’s none of my business), so I asked around and kicked my costume making into high gear.

I had a cape. It was rad.

I don’t regret the costume, but I’m not sure how I feel about how I acted. Bad. But what kind of bad?

Okay, lemme unpack this.

I go to the party. It’s intense. Huge house, filled to the brim with loud, angry, horny, sweaty college students, most of them wearing masks. You walk inside and you get a contact high. I danced for a while, found some people I see at the gym a lot, and that really cool guy who is probably keeping me from failing math, but then I thought, ‘I need a real buzz’, and even I wouldn’t blame myself for having a few sips at a party like this.

Cause I wasn’t Ranma Saotome who has to watch his weight and stay hydrated.

Nah. I was BATMAN.

So I get a beer, and as I’m opening it I bump into someone, and it’s Zelda. And who hasn’t wanted to hit on Zelda? So she says, “Can you grab me one?” and I pass her the already open beer and say, “As you wish my liege,” except I said it in a batman voice.

And do you know what she fucking says?

She laughs and says, “I love that voice.”

“Oh really?” Which is lame, but I said it in the voice, so it was all good.

“Yeah,” And she looks at her beer, and then takes a swig, and I can tell she’s a little embarrassed but she says this anyway, she says, “Batman is really sexy. Not like I want to marry him and deal with his issues, but, I get why Catwoman is always throwing him up against walls.”

Which meant she was calling me sexy.

So I say, “Don’t you think Link might get a little suspicious when the heir to the throne has black hair?”

And I thought she would say something about at least pointy ears running in the family, but instead she got a little closer and said, “I think Link’s busy banging that Zora girl.”

And I said, “Good, because his princess is going to be in another bedroom.”

Which is when she shoved me a little, you know, playfully, and said, “Slow down. Let her majesty finish her beer first.”

When she shoved me I could feel how strong she was. Like, it was probably a challenge for her to not knock me into the drink table. Fuck that was hot.

So we go into the kitchen and talk, me still totally doing my batman voice because I am not about to drop a good thing when I have it. She was pretty cool. We didn’t talk about much, just school, and video games, and comics, which was all in between me flirting with her as hard as I could.

Then she finished her beer, and she put it down very slowly and she said, “There is a trampoline out back, but no one is out there because they think it’s too cold.

Like many college boys, I would gladly freeze my nads off to kiss Zelda.

So we go outside, and there was some light from the stars and the kitchen windows, but where the trampoline is it was pretty dark. We bounced onto it, and kind of rolled around a little before we got into a good kissing position, with her on top and my mask shoved up to the top of my head, and we got a lot of short, stuttery, laughing kisses, and it was great

For like five seconds, before I smelled it.

I mean, there was the weird rubber plastic smell of the trampoline, and me, and my sweat, and the rubber of my mask, and the cheap fabric smell of at least one of our costumes, but then her hair slipped out from under her wig, releasing the scent of her perfume and shampoo. Something in my brain short circuited and I was back on Akane’s bed with ten quilts on top of me, instead of on a trampoline with Akane on top of me.

I keep thinking I should have known somehow. Even with the wig and the make up and yelling over the music, some part of me should have known I was talking to Akane before I was tongue deep in her.

So then I panicked and shoved her off of me, and for a second she was lying there on the trampoline, and I was sitting up panting, because what the fuck had I done?, and she said, “Are you alright?” and it was so exactly her voice, it was so so obviously her, because who else could sound that worried about some rando she was making out with on a trampoline?

I ran. Tore through the garden, jumped a fence, and I was gone.

I can’t tell her. Maybe she doesn’t hate me as much as she used to, but this would just bring all those shitty memories roaring back, right? She would be pissed and betrayed, and no matter what I said about me having no idea until that second, she would never believe me.

Okay, so that’s decided. I just won’t tell her about it and it’ll be like it never happened.

Ranma, that is a great plan.

Latest post from fuckboisgetmoney.tumblr.com

A picture of Nabiki’s legs in sheer black pantyhose and sky high red heels. The picture ends just as the curve of her thigh becomes her ass, and there are some huge pink feathers curling over the top of her thigh.

#her name was lola…. #I still love this costume

Last five posts from okinomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com

5. A selfie of Ukyo in an Ichigo costume, with five more pictures of her huge replicas of Ichigo’s two swords. #shit you can’t get away with in highschool!

4. A neon colored deluge of artfully arranged candy wrappers

3. A photo of Shampoo looking adorable as Sailor moon in her “by the power of the moon” pose. Then another of her leaning against her bed, boots sprawled out in front of her, looking far more relaxed than Usigai ever did.

2. A picture of Shampoo putting her hair up in sailor moon buns. Her hair has already been parted and now she has gathered half of it in her hand, strands spilling out between her fingers. Only half her makeup is on. Red lipstick, but naked lids. You can just see the bright orange cover of Ukyo’s phone reflected in the mirror she’s using.

1. Read more

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I think that was the most….eventful Halloween I’ve ever had.

It was a really cool party, and some guy asked me if I knew knife tricks, and fuck if I’m bringing TWO swords to a party and not knowing any tricks. I was having a really good time, and drinking mildly spiked soda, so I had a little buzz, I had a little sugar rush—and that was when I saw him.

Tuxedo Mask.

He was leaned up against the kitchen doorway, and he could not have looked more perfect if he tried. I went right up to him, stuck a sword in his face and said, “You have to meet my friend.”

Even Tuxedo Mask doesn’t argue when Ichigo Kurosaki has him at knifepoint. I mean, Ichigo is totally winning that fight.

I must have dragged that guy over the whole house, but we could not find Shampoo. He was getting more and more impatient, but I kept insisting that he had to meet my friend.

Then we were in the backyard. Just us and some dark shapes, and the flickering lights from the kitchen.

“Was this a joke?” Tuxedo Mask asked me.

I think a lot of things happened at once. Running all over the house caused my sugar high to crash, and I think I’m a weepy drunk, and I felt so stupid. I saw this guy and suddenly I’m writing a romance novel in my head. Like he and Shampoo were going to see each other, their eyes would meet, and they would fall madly in love. It just seemed so perfect.

I’m such an idiot. I had thought that for some reason Halloween could make love real, but something like love isn’t going to start existing because of matching costumes.

I started crying, and I think that freaked Tuxedo Mask out a bit.

“I’m sorry!” I blubbered. “I swear my friend was here dressed as Sailor Moon!” and then I think I said that stuff I just wrote about love and halloween.

Instead of running for the hills, which I would have understood at that point, Tuxedo Mask said, “How can you not believe in love?” Which was properly Tuxedo Mask-y, but not what I wanted to hear.

“Love isn’t something worth believing in.” I snapped.

“But it’s apparently worth grabbing strangers at parties. I don’t know how long you’ve known this girl, but already you seem to love her very much.”

That made me stop crying for a minute. I squinted at him, trying to see past his mask and the shadows of the backyard. I hadn’t noticed before, but he wasn’t wearing a domino, like the real tuxedo mask. His mask covered almost everything but his mouth.

He gave me the hanky from his pocket, and patted my head, like he wasn’t sure how to comfort humans. That thought made me laugh, and then his hand slipped a little and cradled the back of my skull. The atmosphere between us shifted. It wasn’t romantic or sexual. It was that feeling when someone touches you at a spot where your skin is stretched thin over your bones and your body asks you if you should smash their skull in before they get yours, or if you can relax.

I relaxed.

It was so comforting I almost forgot all that stuff about love and destiny. Right then it just felt good to have a cool breeze on my tear tracks and a kind person touching me.

Tuxedo Mask smiled, and swept towards the kitchen door, saying, “I see my job here is done.”

It took me a minute to get it, but I yelled before he went back inside, “You didn’t do anything!”

I hadn’t stopped laughing when Shampoo found me.

To: TKuno

From: NabikiTendo

Thought you might like to look at these before I send them to the dean. Do you think I should edit them a little or just send them as is?

Attachment: Two photos. One of Kuno, who is clearly himself, even in a loose kimono and face paint that makes him look like an opera mask. He’s in a poorly lit dining room, standing in front of a beer pong game, although it’s not clear if he’s playing or not.

The next one has Nabiki sitting on his lap in a showgirl outfit that is mostly feathers and a leotard. His paint is a little smeared, and he looks like he would fall over if the chair he was sitting on didn’t have a back. He doesn’t have an arm around Nabiki’s back, as courtesy would demand since she is sitting sideways, because he is holding both her drink and his own. Quite enough evidence for the kendo team to cut him for failing to adhere to the guidelines of the club.

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

What do I have to pay you?

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

You don’t. I will release these photos whenever I see fit.

You’re paying back my sister in fear and stress and wondering when your life will be ruined.

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

What did I ever do to your sister? Didn’t I fight for her honor recently.

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

If you hadn’t gone prying into my sister’s life she never would have been forced out of the closet.

Stew on that while you wonder if I’ve already sent the photos to your father.

P.S. I can’t believe you thought I didn’t recognize you. You deserve it all for falling for that ‘do you work out?’ line.

MY DIARY:

Dear Diary,

Today I did something I am deeply ashamed of.

I went to Nabiki Tendo on my hands and knees and begged.

I have never felt less dignified in my life than I did, my nose not one inch from the worn linoleum of her floor, breathing the scent of fear and regret (which was remarkably similar to fruity perfume and sweaty feet).

“Kuno, babe,” She said, drawing the word out like she was a gangster from an old movie, “There is nothing you could give me that I want more than this.”

“Please, Nabiki Tendo,” I said, trying to meet her eyes, only to see her silhouette against the fluorescent light, “Do not take kendo from me. It has given me everything.”

She shrugged, “You did this to yourself.”

Which is shamefully true. I did go to a party and partake in alcoholic beverages underage, of my own volition.

And, what Nabiki Tendo doesn’t know, is that this is was a ritual of mine. It is the one night of the year I do foolish things. I drink, and I speak in a throughly ungentlemanly way to young women, although I try to refrain from being a lout, and I get to pretend I am one of the great samurais from my dramas.

For the last three years it has been the perfect way to relax and resist doing something even more foolish.

I got cocky. That is all I can say. I saw Nabiki Tendo, and I panicked, of course, but when she did not seem to recognize me I fell right into her trap. I thought it would be my little secret. Whenever Nabiki Tendo berated me I could think, ‘Ah, but little do you know that you once sat in my lap and pressed your cleavage into my chin with a gusto I have never known before’. The cleavage part is still true, but I am too concerned about losing my scholarship, status, friends, and the codes I live for to enjoy it.

“There must be something I can offer you.” I tried, once more, “I would run around campus naked, I would destroy your  enemies, I would give my father a dressing down in front of the entire school. Please do not do this to me.”

Nabiki Tendo was sitting in the swivel chair at her desk as I knelt before her, and she swiveled to the side so she could place her ankle on my shoulder. Her toes are absurdly long and painted devil red. The woman is related to demons, mark my words.

“All I want is to see you doing this for a little while. Then, whenever I get bored, I’ll send the pictures in. I mean, you can come in here every night and do this whole spiel, and whenever I get tired of it you can do it for your dad.”

At that I rose swiftly and dramatically, an action whose drama was somewhat lessened by the fact that it threw Nabiki Tendo backwards and she smacked her head against the wall and I had to make sure she was alright before I could continue. (Take it from a man who has sustained many, head injuries are no joke).

“I see you leave me no choice, Nabiki Tendo, since you will not accept my offer of a fair trade, I will have to create an unfair one.”

“The fuck does that mean?” She said as I turned on my heel to leave, sounding utterly uninterested in my threat.

“It means,” I replied over my shoulder, “That I shall have to find something horrible about you and create mutually assured destruction.”

Nabiki Tendo snorted and turned back to her computer. Her parting words to me were, “Using cold war terms won’t make you any scarier, buddy.”

Now I must do something even more shameful than groveling at Nabiki Tendo’s feet: I must find out something about her that is so awful she will give me those photos back in the hopes that my knowledge will never being released to the public. This is not the sort of errand I ever wished to dirty my hands with, but now it is the only thing to be done.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: You never told me how Halloween went. Did you get to seduce Akane Masked Man Style?

Ryoga: No. I never told you because it didn’t work out like I’d hoped. I did see Akane, but she seemed distracted, and since I couldn’t tell her who I was she got bored with me and left.

Shampoo: :( Boo. I was really rooting for you guys. Guess there’s nothing left to do but ASK HER OUT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

Ryoga: You do not get to yell at me—you encouraged me! Also, YOU ARE CONSIDERING PROPOSITIONING YOUR ROOMMATE, SOMETHING WHICH NEVER ENDS WELL!!!

Shampoo: I am not! I mean, I would ask her on a date LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, but she doesn’t do dating anymore. After one bad breakup! I broke up with a guy I was young and stupid enough to think I was in love with, and yeah, he’s still hanging around, and yeah, I’m going to have to spend most of Thanksgiving break with him, but, like, I moved on.

Ryoga: How bad was it?

Shampoo: It wasn’t bad. Just stupid. It was really stupid. We were dating, like, our whole lives. I don’t know why. It was one of those marriage proposals on the playground things, and I never started to dislike Mousse or feel like we were growing apart, or like being without him would be better than being with him, but we were in our senior year and he basically said, “When do you think we’ll get married?” and I realized that all I ever wanted Mousse to be was some guy I dated in high school.

Shampoo: So I dumped him.

Ryoga: Okay, so, basically, it was nothing like what happened to Ukyo, yet you’re comparing it to what happened to Ukyo.

Shampoo: Okay, it wasn’t the same thing, but it wasn’t a clean break, either. You’ve had a rough breakup before, right?

Ryoga: No, but I’m probably due.

Shampoo: Well, trust me, a bad breakup does not suddenly make you aromantic or asexual. It may make you wish you were, but it doesn’t, and Ukyo needs to understand that she isn’t automatically going to get hurt because she puts herself out there again.

Ryoga: Would you care this much if you weren’t interested in her?

Shampoo: She is a wonderful person, and she is doing the world a disservice by acting like she murdered love and must forever repent for her sin.

Ryoga: She would not like that analogy.

Shampoo: Tell me you haven’t noticed how pretty she is. Or how nice or sweet or funny.

Ryoga: She is very sweet. She has a nice neck when she puts her hair up.

Shampoo: Very random compliment, but I’m glad you understand.

Ryoga: Careful, you don’t want me turning into your competition.

Shampoo: Don’t get greedy pretty boy, I know you’re already trying to juggle two girls at once.

Ryoga: 1. HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT??!! 2. Do you really think I’m pretty?

Shampoo: Dude, we’re friends on facebook. I got a ‘you have a mutual friend’ notification, and you may have scrubbed your profile, but your girlfriend sure didn’t.

Shampoo: Also, obviously you’re pretty. Although I should probably be calling you dirty boy, or pig boy or something, since you think you can have all the girls.

Ryoga: Oh, god, please don’t tell Akari. I’ve been meaning to, the time just hasn’t been right.

Shampoo: Not that I actually want to be involved, but what you should really be worried about is me telling Akane.

Akane’s Diary

Do not watch the dark knight trilogy because you’re desperate, do not watch the dark knight trilogy because you’re desperate do not watch the dark knight trilogy bec

To be fair, I’m mostly bored. Everyone is exhausted, because if they’re not worrying about finals they’re still burnt out after Halloween. Meanwhile I’ve got all my homework done, and it’s just not worth it to freak out about finals before Thanksgiving break. Refusing to worry about finals until it’s over is what Thanksgiving break is for.

Still, I shouldn’t go looking at everything batman related like that’s going to bring this guy back, or explain what the fuck happened.

He was nice. Like, he recognized the absurdity of making out on a trampoline, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t trying really, really hard. That was sweet, that earnestness.

I don’t know. I spent like an hour with him. It’s stupid, building him up as this perfect guy, but I can’t help it. I know he was fun to talk to, and even with my Zelda armor digging into my shoulders I felt comfortable with him, but because I know nothing about him I can fill in the gaps with whatever I want. I can pretend he’s an only child, and he won’t freak out when I tell him I’m trans, and he likes the idea of being married and having kids, but probably only two, because he understands I think it’s good for a kid to have a sibling, but two is plenty, and….

See? Too easy.

Maybe he’s in a relationship and a wave of guilt hit him.

Or maybe he remembered he had to feed his cat.

Or maybe he had an anxiety attack.

Or maybe I’m going to watch the dark knight trilogy because between that and thinking about this guy all night I should probably chose the option that’s easier on my sanity.

From TKuno

To: Dean

Sir, as one of your students I would like to bring to your attention that another student, Nabiki Tendo, has been selling contraband out of her dorm room and has probably made thousands selling alcohol and other drugs to minors.

Sincerely,

Tatewaki Kuno.

From Dean

To TKuno

Kuno, why did you put this in a email? Is this a prank? Nabiki Tendo has been accused of this several times before, but her room has never turned up any contraband materials, nor has anyone every given us any proof that she sells contraband.

You wouldn’t be trying to harm another student for some petty reason, would you?

From Tkuno

To Dean

I’m sorry, that was foolish of me. I know that Nabiki Tendo is not the sort of person who would be caught doing things like that. I was being thoughtless. I will consider my words more carefully next time.

From TKuno

To Ghostunkugi

Is it true that you can compile an account of another person’s life for a fair price?

From Ghostunkugi

To TKuno

All social media accounts, anything on public record related to them in anyway, and any thing else that seems interesting. 150

Shadowing, 100 for a day, 650 for a week

Photos +50 dollars every day. 150 for a full week.

Confidentiality assured, unless you murder someone and I have to talk to the cops again.

From TKuno

To Ghostunkugi

Just the first option for now. I will throw in a bonus if you can find any potentially life ruining information.

From Ghostunkugi

To Tkuno

One of those jobs. I get it. [Paypal information] Please pay in a prompt manner. Due to school I probably won’t have a complete file until after Thanksgiving Break.

Kodachi’s Journal

I fear that that which I once loved

That flower that bloomed so boldly

Is wilting in my hands.

Now that our yearly cycle has spun us into

Those brief six weeks

When we all pretend to care about

Peace, love, and good will toward men

(even our families)

It makes me realize that the spring of our love

Gave way not to a passionate summer

But to the bleakness of a winter without you

Ranma

I trace your name on fogged windows at my gymnasium

But I worry I have sucked all strength from it

Like a sweet drained of it’s syrupy filling.

I shall take my time in repose

With my father and brother

And wrapped in their tenuous, florid, masculine embrace

I recall that all men appreciate a swift hard strike when they least expect it.