#i should be able to pick everything up at the pharmacy tomorrow

[draconicace]

do you ever get hit with so much love for other trans people you start crying

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #60

Journal Entry #59 // STORY INDEX

Yuri

At the beginning of September, Victor and I moved into our forever home.

We thought we might go in the middle of the month, but I knew Victor wanted to have time to begin training with his new coach before the start of the competitive snowboarding season, and I wanted to be settled into our house in time to celebrate my birthday, so I suggested that we should arrange to go sooner. Victor seemed surprised, but he was pleased, and it made me happy to offer something he genuinely wanted without feeling like I was doing it as some sort of repayment for an imaginary debt I owe him.

That's one truth I've come to realize over the course of this year; the debt really was imaginary. Victor loves me, and he does things for me because he wants to help me and make my life easier. He never expects me to repay him deed for deed. All he wants is for me to do my best to help him whenever I can.

Sometimes my best is quite a lot, and sometimes I’m not physically capable of doing much of anything. Either way, it’s okay. Not being able to do everything all the time doesn't make me a bad person or a failure as a husband, and I'm beginning to understand that it was only my insecurity and lack of self-worth that made me believe it did.

Learning to trust myself and to believe in my own abilities and my value as a person hasn't been easy. Some days, I struggle to find even one affirming thing to say, and that's when I know I need to ask for help.

Doing that was difficult at first, because I had to get over the hurdle of thinking that asking for even the smallest thing made me a burden to Victor or my family. Releasing the guilt and shame is an ongoing process, just like teaching myself to be more positive and self-confident is, but I'm determined to succeed. I owe it to everyone I love, and I owe it to me.

When I can't come up with an affirmation, Victor always knows what to do. Rather than simply saying something good about me and asking me to accept it, he challenges me to name something I accomplished during the previous few days. It might be something big like planning and cooking an entire meal on my own, or maybe it'll be something small like folding laundry or sending an email, but there's always something. Then, he gets me to stand in front of the full-length mirror in my room and congratulate myself aloud.

Initially, that felt like an utterly silly thing to do, but Victor told me his first coach used to get his students to do it before competitions. He said the coach used to tell them to look at themselves in the washroom mirror and tell themselves things like, “I am brave and I am strong. I want to win, but even if I don’t win this time, I won't give up trying.”

Now I look forward to my little early-morning pep talks. As ridiculous as this may sound, these days it actually feels good to look myself in the eyes and say something like that, because it's not just a rote exercise any more. I am brave and I am strong, and even if today's not my day, there's always tomorrow. It's an effort to pick myself up and keep going, but I won't quit, not when I've gotten this far.

Honestly, the thing I’m most proud of lately is eating. I still don’t really love consuming most foods, but eating feels less stressful to me now, and most of the time I’m able to look at food and think about eating without becoming anxious.

I'll admit, I have moments when I wish I could go back to formula and not have to put anything in my mouth. I still have my tube, and fresh formula is only as far away as the pharmacy, so the temptation is certainly there. When I feel like that, I have to remind myself of my goal and push through as best I can. Victor encourages me on my bad days too, and I always look at my sticker chart to remind me of the progress I've made so far.

Yes, for those who may be wondering, we did bring my sticker chart with us from Japan. Mama rolled it up and put it in one of those cardboard cylinders normally used for maps or architectural plans, and I carried it with me on the plane. it's hanging in our kitchen here in Willow Creek now.

If you're looking for an update on it, tomorrow is the twentieth of September — my twenty-sixth birthday, incidentally — and I'll only have twelve more days to go before I can say I've been formula-free for sixty consecutive days.

I’ve earned four small rewards so far, and in a couple of days I’ll earn the fifth one. I already know what it is, but Victor says we can’t bring it home until I complete this current ten-day stretch. It’s garden boxes, by the way. My previous reward was gardening tools, and the one before that was a book about growing vegetables.

I won’t be able to start my garden till next spring, but I’ve already picked out a spot for my boxes, and having the things now means a lot even if I have to wait to use them. Choosing what to grow and reading up on the best cultivation methods will keep me busy during the winter, and then I’ll be ready to plant my little crop when the time comes.

Victor says strawberries do well in this climate, so I think they’ll be first on my list. I’m already imagining eating strawberries I nurtured myself. Do you think love and hope will make them sweeter?

I haven’t even planted them yet and I have a whole multitude of emotions about them. Mostly, I’m excited. I’ve always wanted my own garden, but I pictured it as flowers, not vegetables and fruit. The idea that we have room here for both makes me happy, and I can hardly wait to grow my favourite Japanese lilies and hydrangea alongside my strawberries.

Anyway, please excuse me for getting slightly off-track. I was trying to tell you about my progress. Day sixty will be October first, and then I’ll get the big reward. I know what that’s going to be as well, and it is very big. Victor told me this morning. I guess he couldn’t keep the secret until my birthday, which is when he and my parents had evidently planned to tell me, but I forgive him. It was still a fantastic surprise, and to be fair, it’s a gift for both Victor and me, so I can’t blame him for being enthusiastic about it.

I’ll tell you exactly what it is in my next entry, but suffice it to say, keeping my eyes on this particular prize is going to motivate me through the next fortnight.

Unfortunately, even when I reach the sixty-day mark, I'll still have my tube for a few more weeks because my first appointment with Dr. Kim, my new specialist here in Willow Creek, isn't until the twenty-second of October. Meanwhile, I'm still having follow-up by way of video conferences with my nutritionist back in Kyoto, and Dr. Kasongo is technically still my doctor. When I finish my sixty days, I'll get to report my progress to them, and then Dr. Kasongo will probably write a letter to Dr. Kim to tell him I'm ready to have my tube removed.

Apparently, he can do it right there in his office in about five minutes. From what I understand, he'll numb the area with an injection of some sort of local anaesthetic, maybe something like the dentist uses, and then when I can't feel anything, he'll pull the device straight out. He'll put a dressing on the area, and we'll have to watch for any signs of infection for a week or so until the tube site heals closed.

According to the information sheet I read about G-tube removal, I'll have to rest a lot and eat several small meals of bland foods like rice and yogurt for the first forty-eight hours after it comes out, and I'll have to take showers instead of baths until the hole closes, but that's about it. It's not even supposed to be particularly painful. I'll have a scar, of course, but I can live with that.

Victor says it’ll be my badge of honour, a tangible reminder of having survived one of the toughest situations I’ve ever experienced.

“It’ll prove you’re a warrior,” he told me. “You fought the battle, and you came out on top. That’s the thing with courageous people, you know. They might be scared, but they don’t let their fear win.”

I will never, ever let my fear win again.

But, you’ve probably had enough of me going on about my health at this point, haven’t you? Let me rewind and tell you a bit about our lovely summer and about our move instead.

The biggest highlight of the summer for me was having everyone I love most all together in one place. I didn't think Victor would agree to stay at my parents' house. When Papa invited him, he said he'd have to think about it, and I was convinced he'd say no, but I'm glad he decided to take Papa up on his offer in the end. We shared my old room, and even though we’re married and it's totally normal for us to sleep in the same bed, somehow this felt like I was a teenager having a sleepover with my boyfriend every night.

Victor and I spent a lot of time together, going for long walks and visiting parts of town we hadn't seen in a while. We went to the public onsen in Kiyomatsu several times, and we visited the local shrine. On sunny days, we usually packed our lunch and ate it down by the lake. I've taken a liking to eating outside, and now I want a picnic table in the back yard so we can enjoy meals outdoors here as well.

Aside from our dates, picnics and leisurely walks, Victor and I also made time to hang out with our friends. I'm relieved to say, Fox forgave me for the horrible way I treated him. He seemed a little perplexed by my apology at first, not so much because of what I said but because of the way I bowed to him. Takahiro had to explain it to him, and then he ended up making a wholly unnecessary apology to me for the cultural confusion.

While I'm on the subject of Taka and Fox, I should mention that Taka passed his immigration English test. He also got accepted into the college program he applied for, and received his study permit in August. In a cosmic stroke of good timing, Taka's Canadian study permit arrived on the day Fox's Japanese work visa expired, and they left Japan together a few days later.

Back in the winter, Victor and I offered to let them stay with us, but a lot has changed for all of us since then. We were supposed to have arrived in Willow Creek ahead of them, but obviously that didn't happen. In the meantime, Fox was busy applying for jobs back home, and he got offered a social worker position with the Department of Community Services, beginning in September. He has a Master's degree in social work, so the offer was ideal, as the position is exactly what he'd trained for.

Fox's parents still aren't speaking to him, but his sister hasn't abandoned him. She helped him find an apartment that's affordable, close to the college so Taka can walk to school, and on a bus route that'll take Fox downtown to his office. They stayed with one of Fox's cousins for a few weeks until the old tenants moved out of the apartment, and then they moved into their place around the same time we moved into ours.

I can't even begin to describe how reassuring it is to have my friend Takahiro nearby, and he confessed that he felt similarly about me being here. As safe and content as we are with our respective partners, it's daunting to realize we're in a whole new country without our families and all the things we're used to. There's no escaping the fact that we're newcomers, but it's less scary knowing we're not alone in the experience.

I wish I could say things were going as well for Seiji as they are for Taka and me. Victor and I took a weekend trip to Kyoto in July, and we decided to visit him while we were there. We got the impression he didn't really want to see us, though, and we only stayed at his flat for about half an hour because the atmosphere was so awkward.

We made a lot of small talk, but he did tell us that he hates working at the convenience store and is trying to figure out what to do next. His mother wants him to come home and be her apprentice, but he said he can't picture himself as a tailor. That statement, when the only real furniture we saw in his flat besides a shikibuton, a thrifted table and two rickety chairs was a purpose-built desk with a sewing machine on it, was incongruous. But we didn't question it. Seiji is the only one who can decide which direction he should take.

Victor's theory is that Seiji does want to come home, but he's too embarrassed or ashamed to, after leaving the way he did. If that's the case, nothing we could've said would have convinced him anyway. He'll have to make up his own mind to set aside his pride or fear or whatever else may be holding him back.

It makes me sad to think of him being all alone in that bare, depressing flat. Despite all the hurtful things he said to me, I still consider him my friend and I want him to have a full and happy life. I'd like the chance to talk to him one-on-one, to explain some things and to let him get his feelings out. That may never happen, I realize, but I like to think I'm keeping the door open for the opportunity, should it ever arise.

The uncomfortable meeting with Seiji notwithstanding, Victor and I had the most magical weekend in Kyoto. We revisited all the places we went to during the week we'd gotten married. On one evening we attended an absolutely glorious performance by a local string quartet, and on another we went skating at an indoor rink where I was able to teach Victor a sporting skill for once. Would you believe I'm a better skater than him? Well... perhaps not better, but more graceful at least.

As for the rest of the summer, August passed in much the same way as July, with plenty of walks and outdoor meals and precious time with my family. One thing of particular note from August, however, was my meeting with Mr. Tanaka and the human resources representative from our firm. Dr. Kasongo submitted a report to our HR department recommending that my short-term disability claim should be extended until the end of the year. Her opinion is that I'll be medically ready to return to work in January, and both my boss and the HR department approved the extension.

I'm looking forward to getting back to work, but I'm also glad that I'll have the rest of the year to keep getting better. I was working remotely before, but now I'll be working extremely remotely, and I think it's great that I get to keep my old job even though I'm living in an entirely different country. Much to my delight, Mr. Tanaka seems to think so as well. He said it was a chance he couldn't possibly pass up because with me being fluent in English and physically located in Canada, our firm will be in a much better position to attract more North American clients. Mr. Tanaka said he'd contact me early in December to work out a schedule for regular meetings, and so we can discuss my job duties and responsibilities going forward.

Although he didn't directly say so, I think he may have given me a promotion of sorts. I'll be sure to let you know if that indeed turns out to be the case.

The other big thing in August was that Victor and I departed Japan on the thirty-first. We said our goodbyes to Mama and Yuki at home, and then Papa took us to the airport.

I could not have predicted how emotional that would be.

Papa and I have grown close this year, and I wish I could find the right way to express how much of the previously empty space in my soul he's filled. I knew I was missing him all those years when our relationship was so strained, but I could not have comprehended exactly how much until we both dropped our stubborn pride and opened up our hearts and minds to each other. Saying goodbye was even harder than I expected, and even though I knew it wouldn't be a permanent goodbye, part of me didn't want to let go.

He went with us all the way to the security area. We all stopped outside the big glass doors, and Papa held out his hand for Victor to shake.

"Take care of yourself, Victor," he said. "And take care of my son."

"I'll take the best care of him, I promise," Victor assured him. "Don't worry."

"I'm going to, regardless," Papa said. "But, I trust you."

"Thanks." Victor grinned mischievously at him. "But, you know, if you ever want to come check on him in person, you're welcome to visit us whenever you're able. We'll offer you a non-haunted bedroom."

Papa smiled. "Expect us for Winterfest, and tell Miss Sachiko that we wouldn't dream of taking her room."

"Will do," Victor said.

Then, Papa turned to me. For an instant, I thought he was going to shake my hand too, but at the last moment he pulled me into a hug. I can't remember the last time I was hugged by my father and didn't feel uncomfortable with it, but I had no problem this time. I put my arms around him and held on tight.

"We'll see you in a few months," he whispered into my hair, and I was startled when I realized he was crying.

But I guessed I couldn't fault him for it because my eyes certainly weren't dry either. "I'm really going to miss you."

"Me too," he said. "Think of me when you’re having your strawberry milkshakes."

"I'll think of you every day, no matter what I'm doing. You and Mama and Yuki."

"I love you, my treasure," he said quietly. "Be brave. Mama and I believe in you, and we know you're going to have a wonderful new life in Canada."

I was sobbing by that point, but I managed to get out, "I love you, Papa."

I meant it. Watcher help me… with every fibre of my being, I meant it, and I hadn't even grasped the full magnitude of my love for him until that very moment.

When he walked away, I couldn't watch. Victor held me while I cried my heart out, right there in the middle of the crowded airport.

"It's gonna be okay, Yuri," Victor said. "He's right, you know. We're gonna have a wonderful life."

It was hard to believe that when I felt like my heart was breaking, but once we were in the air and away, I began to feel better. On the plane, we looked at pictures of various places around Willow Creek that we'd taken back in June, photos of Dr. Grace and Dr. Julian's wedding, and some funny snaps we'd taken of ourselves and Yuki in my room at my parents’ house. We talked about our plans and dreams, and we made up stories about ourselves in the far future. Cute old men in rocking chairs on our front porch, Victor said, and the image made me smile.

We arrived at the tiny Willow Creek airport around mid-morning the next day, where we were met by Victor's mother. She drove us home, and as we were getting out of the car, she handed Victor a set of keys.

"Here you go," she said. "Your grandpa was supposed to be here with the set you gave him, but apparently he and Juliet went on a spur-of-the-moment road trip to Oasis Springs. He said to pass along his apologies. He’ll be here next week."

Victor looked amused. "How much you want to bet they're eloping?"

"Victor!" Dr. Grace exclaimed. "Michael wouldn't do that."

"You don't think?" Victor's raised eyebrow said he might've known something his mother didn't.

Dr. Grace shook her head. "You're impossible, you know. You and your Grandpa Michael.”

"Yeah, we get that a lot."

"Well, I'll leave the two of you to settle in," she said. "Come over around five o'clock. Julian's making his famous chicken parmigiana."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Italian food," Victor replied. "I think you'll like it."

“Strawberry cake for dessert,” Dr. Grace added. “Because I heard somebody around here really enjoys strawberries.”

Victor winked at me. “I wonder who that could be?”

“I’ll see you boys at dinner,” Dr. Grace said

She wished us a good day, and then she got back into her car and drove across the street. It's nice, living across the street from Victor's mother and stepfather. I know Victor's happy about it, and I like knowing we have somebody close we can rely on if we ever need anything.

Once Victor's mother had left, I was ready to go inside. I started for the doorstep, but Victor held up his hand to stop me. "Just wait right there, okay?"

"Why?" I asked, as I watched him bound up the steps.

He unlocked the front door and flung it wide open before rejoining me on the walkway. "Because," he said. "I'm gonna carry you over the threshold. Isn't that what they do in those historical movies you like?"

I laughed. "That's for newlyweds, Victor. We've been married nearly a year."

"Yeah, but we didn't have our own house when we were newlyweds, did we?"

"Are you certain you can even still lift me? And your arms—"

"My arms are fine, and you're not that much heavier than you used to be. If I can't still carry you a few meters, I think that'll be a sign to go harder on the weight training."

"Okay," I said. I was a little dubious, but also secretly thrilled at the thought of being carried. It'd been a long time, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it.

"Okay," Victor said. "Ready?"

I nodded, and a second later he scooped me up as seemingly effortlessly as he ever had. He carried me up the steps and through the door, and then set me down carefully in the front hallway.

"Welcome home," he said.

I wanted to run through the place and look at everything, touch everything, and soak in the knowledge that this was our home. Mine and Victor's. It was the place where we'd truly build our intertwined lives, where we'd finish growing up and growing old together. Our goals and dreams would spring from here, and we'd live happily ever after because even if the world around us was in chaos, happiness comes from the inside. Victor taught me that, and once I finally understood it, my outlook changed completely. Life may not always be smooth sailing, but together we can survive any storm and come out smiling on the other side of it.

Before I ran off to explore every corner of the house and garden, there was something I needed to do.

"Thank you," I said.

"For what?"

"For not giving up on me. For being my soulmate and my superhero and my... everything."

Victor leaned down to kiss me, and I let myself melt into his embrace. I closed my eyes, breathing in the soft, sweet scent of coconut sunscreen and relishing the solid warmth of his body against mine. It was comforting and familiar, and it felt like the fulfillment of all my desires. For a moment, I forgot that I was in a foreign country, forgot that I had responsibilities... forgot everything that wasn't the sensation of being held by my husband.

"You are the most amazing person," Victor whispered with his lips still almost touching mine. "I'm lucky, getting to share the rest of my life with you."

I'm the lucky one, I thought. I don't know if I'd even be here to recount this to all of you if it weren't for Victor. I know he'd never take credit for saving me and would probably say I saved myself, but I couldn't have done it without him. I no longer think of repayment, but it's still important to me to show gratitude for everything he's done, and I think the best way I can do that is to appreciate the life he's helped me reclaim and live it to the fullest of my capability.

I stood on tiptoe to kiss him one more time and then, hand in hand, we set out to acquaint ourselves with every detail of our beautiful new home.

[voidthewanderer]

Death mention tw under cut.

so… I may or may not have a job. It’s kind of up in the air at the moment (though I’m leaning towards resigning tomorrow honestly). I was bawling my eyes out since like 9:40 this morning because I learned that my grandfather’s health is declining. This is a man who has supported me the most with my art. He’s been my inspiration, my mentor. He’s the one who told me to be unapologetically myself. Not to mention, there hasn’t been the threat of family death for ten years (not including myself). Of course, she knows that I do not process this type of information well, is going to be fucking upset over it.

But instead of just giving me my task and letting me alone, she harassed me. She kept demanding to know what changed to make me like this. To get over it because it’s just a fact of life. Her tone honestly made it sound like I was just making this shit up to get out of work. Like no??? If I wanted to get out of work, I’d quit. You don’t fucking tell this to someone who nearly died three years ago. Especially not in an accusatory “get the fuck over it” tone. I know it’s inevitable, but he’s the person who shaped my goddamn life.

So, she kicked me out of the store, bitching that I’m treating her like a monster and that I should be grateful that she bends over backwards for us way more than she should. Which is a fucking lie. If she bent over backwards for us, I wouldn’t be working any closings. I would be working in the pharmacy. I would have gotten my transfer a year and a half ago like I had asked. She’d use my actual name and not my dead name. She would have given me the inventory specialist position knowing that I’m a better fit for it (was already doing inventory counts, stocking, receiving, call ins, and merchandising for a year and a half) and not the person who she favors because he asked for it first (zero training on what the position entails).

I agreed to do what she told me to do. After the agreement, I wanted to be left alone. She’s the person who chose to push me further and further. And then for her to turn around and tell me I cannot have my phone on me while I’m on standby for a potential family emergency? I finally turned around and snapped at her. I was going to be working in the cooler; my phone doesn’t work in the cooler. I would have been using it for a clock. She got pissed off at me because I checked the time to see how long she’d been harassing me for. By the way, it was fifteen minutes. The entire time I was there.

So, I contacted HR. I’m currently in the midst of a family emergency, to treat me like that, yell and cry that I did everything wrong (when you previously told me that they weren’t even going to touch the freezer) and that I need to get over something that she claims to understand what I’m going through (I’m sorry, but if she did, she would have left me the fuck alone). If that’s how I’m going to be treated before the inevitable happens, who’s to say how I’ll be treated after it happens.

Had my ex-uncle not answered his phone at 4am, my grandfather might not have been here now. One day, because he’s not supposed to be walking, he’s gonna fall down and get hurt or he’s gonna fall, my grandmother’s not gonna be able to pick him up, get pissed off, and just leave him there.

I’m seeking a part time job right now. I just need to make at least $300 a month minimum, which I’m sure I can easily get with any part time, I just need the job first. I will also be starting some designs to sell prototypes of, so if you see those crop up, I’d be absolutely delighted if people could give them a reblog and help me out.

No, I will not be starting a GoFundMe. As much as I probably should because I know I need help, I cannot bring myself to just ask for money without anything to give in return.

I suppose I should dip into my down payment funds and get one of those big tank printers, since I’m going to be starting off with stickers, charms, and earrings. I don’t want to, but our itty bitty little inkjet can’t handle mass production of things like that.

[deadendsave]

Barbara Short’s Journal (2023)

1: The mayor personally came by my office and asked me if I wanted to sell my property. He said the park was an eyesore. I laughed in his face. Coming into my office and insulting me, he’s so full of himself. I’ve been running this place for 20 years, and I’m not about to sell it. He tried persuading me by assuring me that the current resident would be given priority access to the apartments that would be built in its place… as if they could afford the rent.

2: I don’t like them Davis boys. Most people try to forget about that family and their mill, but I won’t. I see what the mayors plans are. He’s trying to run all of us out of here. He wants to bring in new residents who are younger and have more money. His brother’s just as bad as him. Last Sunday he tried to tell me I should sell the park to his brother. Pfft. The only reason I still go to his church is because it’s the only one in town.

3: To Do List: call exterminator for Ray / Collect rent from Brielle / Refill prescriptions

4: I went by Ray’s while the pest control man was there. I was disgusted by what I saw. I’m not stupid; I knew what him and his girlfriend had been doing in there, but I didn’t expect him to trash the place as much as they did. No wonder they’ve got infestations. The windows were all foiled up, and mouse droppings were all over the floor. He did a good job hiding all of his stuff, but he left a glass pipe on the counter. I was furious. I gave him a final warning.

5: Brielle’s short on rent again. The girl’s lucky I got a soft spot for her and that baby. I know she’s working hard waitressing, but I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep affording this. It costs a lot of money to run a place like this, I’ve got bill collectors calling.

6: Mayor Davis wants to buy Todd’s bar and Margaret’s bookstore. He’s trying to get rid of all the places that’ve been here for years. That man just doesn’t stop. Millhaven has beautiful historic buildings, I don’t know how his plans to destroy them all even for approved. Half of the town has been demolished for new constructions.

7: When I got home last night, I went to watch ‘The Young and The Restless’ on DVR, but an emergency news broadcast interrupted it. They said there’s a new virus going around, and it’s deadly if your immune system is weak.

8: This isn’t good, LHV isn’t some regular virus. The news didn’t tell us this at first and made it seem less serious. It’s turning people into monsters. I’m going to get some things from the grocery store and pharmacy, then I’m staying at the park so I can make sure everyone is safe. Nobody knows, but I’ve got a handgun in my safe at the office.

9: It just keeps getting worse. Portland and Salem are under full military control. Everyone in Millhaven is hiding in there homes. It’s only a matter of time before LHV hits us.

10: People are out of their minds. I went to the grocery store, and the shelves were empty. Everyone is buying everything up. I got as much as I could for me and the people are the park. I knew Brielle probably hasn’t gotten groceries yet.

11: Brielle’s so worried. She said her dad is coming to pick her up tomorrow. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but she said his house is secluded. I know she’s desperate, because she hates her daddy. I don’t understand how he could not talk to her all this time, but now he suddenly wants to help. He never helped her out before, kicking her out of his house at 17 because she got pregnant. I hope he keeps her safe.

12: That deadbeat never showed up, and now the phone lines are down. I told Brielle to pack up her and Leah's things. I'm taking them to my house, I’ll keep them safe there.

stray note, trailer park office:

I drawed this for you Miss Barbara. That’s you at your offise. - Leah

[bowtiepastabitch]

Not a proper academic (I'm getting there!) but here's to sharing vulnerable personal experiences in the name of disabled academia! I'm putting the anecdote below the cut because it's important to me that you know how incredibly personal this is to me before you read it.

I have a chronic illness that none of my doctors can identify, but it primarily presents as chronic pain, fatigue, and cardiac issues. I'm also autistic, so my executive function exacerbates my day to day issues with mobility. To top it all off, I'm very low income and so the expenses of "help" tend to be prohibitive to the point of complete inacessibilty.

I ran out of tylenol earlier this month. Easy fix, nip down to Duane Reade and get some more, it's a ten minute walk, no problem. Not the same day, of course, because it's already getting dark and everything hurts, maybe tomorrow, I've got other varieties of painkillers to subsist until then. Two days later I ran out of deoderant, and I still hadn't gone to get tylenol either. In theory, this should have increased the urgency of the mission and made it easier to find the spoons, but it didn't. The next morning I woke up and started getting ready, and behold, I hadn't gone to the store. If you've ever been desperate, you know with certain kinds you can use a pin to dig out the extra that's embedded in the plastic at the bottom of a stick of deoderant, and that's what I did as I swore I would go to the store that afternoon. No beans, no spoons, no store visit that day. After three days of this, I was both incredibly angry at myself for not having gone yet and losing hope that I'd be able to go at all. I considered asking a friend to pick it up for me (incredibly embarrassing) or ordering a delivery (expensive) or even ordering it on amazon (condemning myself to go without for at least three more days) and ended up doing none of the above because surely I'd be able to go the next day. I didn't. About a week after running out of deoderant, I finally made it to the store. I took my cane, of course, and had an earbud in to distract from the pain, and thank whatever powers that be the elevator down to the pharmacy section was in order (it often isn't). I got my tylenol and my deoderant and I walked home, trying not to think about how much money I'd spent going to the corporate chain (but closer, and familiar) store.

My entire life exists in this fragile dance. I can't remember the last time I went properly grocery shopping because carrying heavy things and travel time and decision paralysis and expense anxiety all add up to be incredibly overwhelming, and the factors of distance and expense are inverse to each other. The number of times I've gone into partial med withdrawal, splitting my doses in half to make it through the week, because I couldn't make it to the pharmacy or didn't have the executive functioning to make the phone call which would surely involve an hour on hold and then trying to repeatedly explain myself to an overworked, underpaid clerk, or worse being told I needed to make an appointment to get refills (these situations often end in me breaking down and asking my mother to make the call for me because jesus fuck there's only so long I can subsist on half doses). I finally got set up with Amazon pharmacy (fuck amazon, but we do what we must) and it has been life-changing, having them sent by mail before I run out in the first place.

In theory, I'm technically capable of getting to the store without help, but sometimes it can take a week or more to get the spoons to do it. On both the very literal, "I'm going without because I can't go", level and the level of "It's extremely humiliating and exhausting constantly thinking about this but being unable to do it", this definitely impacts my quality of life in tangible and undeniable ways. And honestly, I'm still incredibly privileged to have the level of mobility and independence that I do have and to know that if I ever asked, I have able-bodied friends that would be able to help. So yeah, it unequivocally matters.

I have a theory that my inability to get to the store when I want to go has a serious impact on my quality of life, so here's a question

If you needed something unexpectedly, can you get to the store without help? Does that matter to your quality of life?

Help is whatever makes you feel not independent - ie. i consider a taxi help, but not a bus because i retain my independence when taking a bus but feel like i'm asking for help when i taxi. It might be different for you.

also if anyone has any info on this, like essays or articles by disabled authors or academics I'd love to hear about it.

please share I want a lot of data!

[timeoverload]

I had the longest day. I am so tired. I had a tough time waking up this morning but at least I had 30 minutes before I had to get ready. I don't know how I used to wake up at 3:30 or 4am every day for work. I can't do that anymore but I miss having the extra time to wake up. I feel like I'm always rushing.

Work wasn't very exciting. It was a normal Wednesday. I have so much I need to get done but I haven't really had a break from cases. I had an hour to get some stuff done at the end of the day so that was nice. I'm in the process of redoing all of the eye instruments in the storage closet that have the old labels on them. We aren't able to scan the old labels with the new system we're using so we can't use those items until they get redone. I have to repackage and sterilize them again so that they can be tracked back to the patients. There are literally hundreds of peel packs and wrapped things in there. I've only gotten the top shelf done and I've been working on it since last week. I was frustrated earlier because the other people in my department didn't have anything to do since it was a slow day for them so they were all just sitting around watching me work while I was super busy. I have so much stuff on my station right now that it's hard to do anything and I wish someone would offer to help me. They don't care. I keep begging to train other people to help but no one is listening. They think I can just handle it on my own because I always have. I won't have any cases tomorrow afternoon unless there's an add-on so my goal is to get as much done as I can. I'm tired of being stressed about it.

I was productive when I got off work. I tried to go pick up my glasses but apparently they're only open until 5 on Wednesdays so I drove all the way over there for nothing so that made me mad. I will try again tomorrow because they should be open till 7. I went to get my prescription refilled after that. I'm glad that I was wrong about having to wait to refill it because I'm going to need it tomorrow. I had to wait in line for 15 minutes at the pharmacy to pick it up but I survived. After I got my medicine I went to the store and got a ton of groceries. I had to make 3 trips to bring everything upstairs. My freezer is completely full. I bought some stuff to make salads so at least I got something healthy. I've realized that I'm not in good enough shape to try to carry everything in a basket anymore and it's nice to be able to lean on the cart so shopping isn't as painful. It's better for me to get a bunch of stuff at once instead of trying to go to the store every other day. I don't know why I did that for so long because it's stupid.

I am trying to make sure I have everything I need because I already know I'm not going to want to do anything this weekend. I still don't feel like I'm prepared but I will do my best to take care of everything else tomorrow night. I might need to pick up a couple more things. I am planning on asking to leave work at 4 tomorrow so that I can get everything done so hopefully that won't be an issue. I also haven't gotten fast food in over a month so I think I am going to get that for dinner tomorrow night. I wanted to do that tonight but I didn't want to deal with the hassle of trying to carry more stuff inside.

I am starving so I need to make something to eat soon. I'm not sure what I want because I have a lot of options but I will figure it out. After I eat I'm going to get ready for bed and maybe try to relax for a while before I fall asleep. I don't have much else to talk about right now. I hope that tomorrow is a good day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too!!! Thanks for listening to me. :) 💖💖💖

[saganandkatelynindc]

Day 1 - Getting to DC

Sunday, July 16, 2023, 5:00 AM

I love the "word " resilient" and yesterday - that word refined us!! We were going to meet at 10:00 but all kinds of things got in the way from weather to pharmacies - and it was much closer to 11:30 before the whole gang was together. Finally at noon we had our first meeting to go over the "agenda" and define city and Metro safety procedures.

We headed out to eat at the new Mexican restaurant near-by and then to the airport for our 3:35 flight. PERFECT!! Everything on schedule. Just as we pulled into the airport I got a text saying our flight was delayed until 3:55. No BIG deal. We checked in and headed to our gate. New text - delayed until 4:11. OK - still no big deal - but this triggered a couple modifications regarding the pizzas I had ordered to be delivered at 6:30. We would not be able to stop at the store for a couple of items, as planned, so we went to shopping in the airport stores where we had the privilege of overpaying - big time - for the things we would need BEFORE our big grocery order would be delivered tomorrow morning between 7:00 and 9:00 AM. 🤞🏻 We should still be arrive at the hotel in time for pizza - but it would be close. I called the hotel to notify them. The assured me they would accept it, tip the delivery person and put it in our suite. CHECK! We just had to pass the time before it was time to board. Easy-Peasy...

Finally they called our boarding zone and we were ready to go.

The plane was FREEZING but we were ready to roll - BUT then mother nature decided to delay us once again.

The rain was pouring down - but it was lightening that caused the ground crew to stop loading the luggage - so our delay continued. FINALLY at 5:05 we pulled away from the gate. The pilot told us to hold our to our hats and keep those seatbelts on because we were going to experience turbulence. We did - but not enough to interrupt what we were doing and for me that meant taking a nap.

I - having done this before - knew to pick seats on the left side of the plane - and I was rewarded with the kids exuberance as they saw the mall and the Washington Monument as we prepared to land.

Long story short - we got our luggage, got on the Metro and got to our hotel around 7:30.

No pizza. I called and they said - they would send the driver out again. Finally, 2 hours later, we got pizza from a different place and my $85.00 dollars from the first crappy place was refunded. Now I was upset - but everyone else was relaxed. I brought snacks, including peanut butter and sliced peppers and power bars - so no one starved but.... My best laid plans....

We watched Hidden Figures as planned... This is such a great movie based on the true story of a group of Black Women and their critically important and well hidden role in NASA during the Mercury Space flight time. This is great prep for our visit to The African American Museum of History AND The Air and Space Museum. Next up on the very small screen - Part 1 of Apollo 13.

By 10:45 the kids looked like this.

Daphne and I were close on their heels. The kids are excited about today and that excitement fills my heart and soul.

Up today is a visit to Planet Word - complete with a Word Box puzzle - a cruise on the Potomac, The Smithsonian Portrait Gallery where we will see the presidents formal portraits - and dinner in China Town.

Life is good! We are ready!!!

[kuriboo]

Been sick all week, been working all week, been working while sick all week

I’m doing…the work I’m doing is important. Trying to help people. It’s all I ever wanted to do. Just wanna help people. Wanna do something that matters. If I gotta do it sick, fine, I’m not too sick to work. I can work without making my clients sick.

So, working, sick, working while sick. It’s fine. I can do it. Can’t do much else, but I can do it.

Just gotta get through tomorrow…then I get a day to rest

Then I have a therapy appointment! Patience and waiting paid off, woooooo. Maybe I can get some actual self esteem and self confidence instead of like, blaming myself for other people hurting me and being emotionally abusive. A pattern I’d hoped was better by now, but of course, trapped as I am, I cannot escape it completely. I live in a constant state of fear. Anyway, my goal is gonna be to not hate myself and not put myself down for every single little thing.

I am so fucking anxious I haven’t been in therapy for months and I’m starting with someone new. Everything is so scary.

And I need to call the hospital and try to get in with the specialist they told me they’d call me to schedule an appointment with the new specialist months ago because the specialist I was seeing left the practice and they haven’t called me to make an appointment with the new specialist so I am calling them.

But at least they’re still sending scripts to the pharmacy for the medication the old specialist sent me. Wooooo. I need that medication badly. If I don’t take it for one day I can feel the huge difference. So I am glad I not only have it, but on my new insurance, it seems to be the cheapest medication I take of my many prescribed medications. I don’t get it. Why is the fucking uhhhh migraine preventative sleep aid nerve pain drug cheaper than the fucking acid reflux medication. My insurance makes no goddamn sense. Last week I spent like fifty dollars picking up five drugs and this week I’ve spent like seven dollars picking up two drugs. ?????

Anyway

I am under a lot of stress and I have been sick all week and I don’t want to work tomorrow but at the very least I should be able to stay in the office for the most part tomorrow, which helps. My sick brain doesn’t like all the paperwork I’ll be doing but better that than uhhhh trying to communicate with people

So if I’ve seemed quiet, I’m keeping my head low and I’m not feeling good and not feeling good does not foster good communication skills in me, unfortunately. I just wanna sleep

[rhys-ravenfeather]

Hey, everyone.

Yeah, I wasn’t on at my usual time today...things...didn’t go as expected today. Well, I’m not sure WHAT I expected, actually, but yeah--in any case, I ended up spending most of my morning in a different town...might tell you guys tomorrow.

Because yeah, I DEFINITELY plan to get back to my usual schedule tomorrow...and finish up the latest Myth City to post.

So yeah, in any case, I’ll see you then!

[daryl-dixon-daydreams]

Words: 6,962 Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader Reader pronouns: she/her Era: Alexandria Warnings: Language, typical TWD stuff A/N: This is part of a series! Find the previous parts on the Masterlist! Summary: Denise asks Y/N to find some much needed medical supplies. Y/N and Daryl head out on a supply run.

Your name: submit What is this?

You and Daryl both healed up from your close call outside the walls and soon you were making scavenge runs and hunting together again. Things in Alexandria went on routinely for some time until one evening when there was a knock on your door and Denise was standing on the front mat.

“Denise, hey,” you said. “Come in.”

She was wringing her hands a little anxiously. “Hi.”

You could easily read the worry on her face. “What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

She sighed and adjusted her glasses, a nervous habit. “I’m fine but I have a huge favor to ask you.”

“What do you need?” you interrupted. Your expression was intense.

Denise gave you a hesitant look and pulled a list out of her back pocket. “I know this is asking a lot but—I don’t think you’re going to be able to find all this stuff outside of a hospital.”

You gulped but looked it over, nodding. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Y/N, I—”

“Hey. I’ll get it. It’s okay,” you reassured her. “I’ll leave early tomorrow.”

“You’re not going alone?” she asked urgently.

You shook your head, folding the list up again. “No. I’ll ask Daryl.”

Denise’s expression morphed from concern to a knowing smile, but she caught herself and quickly tried to hide it. “Oh. Daryl. Good,” she said. You glanced up at her, your lips pressed together in a thin line. She laughed and held her hands up, palms out. “I didn’t say anything!” You rolled your eyes.

“Would you just stop with that? We—we’re just good friends.”

“Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that,” she said in an undertone, turning back to the front door, resting her hand on the handle. She glanced over her shoulder at you again and her expression was once again serious. “Thank you,” you said.

“Of course. We’ll get what you need. Don’t worry.”

As soon as Denise left you made your way across the street and knocked on the front door of Daryl’s house, shuffling your feet a little nervously. Rick answered it with a curious expression.

“Hi, Rick. Is Daryl around?”

“I think he’s up at Aaron and Eric’s. He said something earlier about changing the oil in his bike.”

“Okay, thanks.” You turned to leave but Rick called you back. You watched with a little apprehension as he closed the door behind himself and stepped out onto the porch toward you.

His thumbs were looped into his belt, one foot sticking out toward you.

Your pulse started to race a little with nerves.

“Listen, I know we haven’t spent much time around each other but I wanted you to know that you’re real important to Daryl—anybody can see that. You two have already been through some things together. And that makes you family. So, if there is anything you ever need, you can rely on any of us.”

You stared back at him in some disbelief trying to come up with something to say, but you mostly failed. You gulped at the nervous tightness in your throat. “Thanks.”

Rick nodded. “Sure. Alright. We’ll see ya.” You nodded and turned away from the sheriff, puzzling over his willingness to invite you into the fold so readily.

You jogged up the street, your eyes fixed on the distant glow of orange light spilling out of Aaron and Eric’s garage. You found Daryl standing at one set of shelves along the wall, replacing some tools. He hands were gray with dirt and oil and his toned arms were glistening with sweat.

“Hey,” you said. Daryl turned and glanced at you, one corner of his mouth twitching upward reflexively at the sound of your voice.

“S’goin’ on?” he asked, easily reading the seriousness on your face.

You pulled the small folded piece of paper out of your back pocket and held it out. “We’ve got a job. Denise just came to see me.”

Daryl’s brow furrowed and he pulled the red rag out of his back pocket to wipe off his hands before taking the paper from you and unfolding it. His blue eyes scanned the list and he nodded. “Alright.”

“We’re gonna have to go to a hospital to get a lot of this stuff,” you said apprehensively. The archer nodded and handed the list back to you.

“So, we go to a hospital,” he drawled. “Ya know of any where ya think we could still find supplies?”

You licked your lips nervously. “Yeah. But it’s not—the med centers were ground zero before anybody knew any better. There’s a reason this one still has supplies and hasn’t been picked clean. It’s full of walkers.”

Daryl paused thoughtfully, his eyes narrowed a bit in concentration. “We’ll figure it out. If anyone can do it, it’s you and me, right?” He said, giving you a half-smile, that boyish quirk of his lips.

There were still worry lines on your forehead.

“Hey. We’ve got this,” Daryl said. “Ya think we should take more people? Glenn and Rick, maybe?”

You sighed heavily and thoughtfully ran a thumb over your lower lip, something you did often when you were thinking which Daryl found extremely distracting. “Honestly, the fewer of us the better probably. Keep it as quiet as possible. In and out.”

Daryl nudged his nose up at you in a nod. “Alright. In and out,” he agreed. “We can take my bike. Leave at sun up.”

You nodded. “Okay. I’ll get some gear together,” you said.

Daryl nodded. “Meet ya outside in the morning,” he said. “Hey. Try and get some damn sleep,” he said.

You nodded. “Yeah, I’ll try.”

The next morning the two of you met in the middle of the road that separated your houses just as the sun was starting to break over the horizon, each with a pack slung over your shoulders. Daryl had his crossbow and you had your recurve bow. “Armory first, then we’ll grab my bike,” Daryl drawled, leading the way to the armory with long strides. You had a sick feeling in your stomach, nervous about the day’s task. Daryl seemed to be able to sense your mood and he glanced back at you. “We’re gonna be fine. And we’re gonna get everything on that list and more,” he said strongly.

You felt the knot in your stomach loosen a little and nodded. “Yeah,” you said.

After grabbing your weapons of choice from the armory, you swung a leg over Daryl’s bike and settled in behind him, your nerves surging again as you wrapped your arms around him to hold on, feeling the strong muscles of his back and stomach. You gulped. Daryl felt like he was about to lose his mind with your arms around him.

The bike roared to life and you were off.

The first part of the trip was uneventful. You directed Daryl to the hospital you had in mind and the bike came in handy as you had to wind through the ruins of gridlocked traffic on what had once been a busy highway. You had parked the bike and hidden it and walked the rest of the way to the medical center on foot, sneaking quietly and hoping you wouldn’t run into any walkers or, maybe worse, people.

“That’s it,” you said, pointing ahead to a tall building down the block. He nodded and continued to lead the way, snaking between cars and debris. Soon you approached the sliding doors of what had been the emergency room entrance. Daryl shouldered his bow and glanced back at you.

“Cover me while I pry these open,” he muttered. You nodded and readied your bow, sweeping your eyes inside beyond the doors for any movement and then back over the cityscape behind you.

Daryl got the doors open and nudged his head toward the interior, putting his crossbow back up to his eye as he gazed over the atrium in front of you. When he was sure it was clear he lowered his bow and moved behind you to shut the doors again. “Don’t want anything followin’ us in here,” he said.

Your eyes were anxiously darting over the space in front of you. “Or anyone,” you murmured.

“Mhm,” Daryl hummed, rejoining you. “Ya have any idea where to look for this stuff?”

“Um.” You walked over to a directory on the far wall. “Well, we need to find a drug cabinet or pharmacy for the antibiotics and other medications and a supply closet for everything else.” You glanced up the hallway to your left. “I guess we just pick a direction and start sweeping?”

“Sounds like as good a plan as any,” he whispered back. “C’mon.”

You followed behind him and moved up the hallway. You managed to locate a medication locker and shortly after a drug dispensary or pharmacy. You loaded your packs with as much medication as you could, leaving room for the other supplies. Daryl also found a cloth tote bag and filled it up with anything he thought would be useful. So far you hadn’t met with any walkers. It seemed far too quiet and it was causing your apprehension to grow.

Daryl stepped back into the hallway and cleared both directions. “Now we just need to find a supply closet,” he said. He nudged his head toward the other end of the hallway and you followed behind him silently.

“Doesn’t this feel a little too easy to you?” you said, finally speaking your fears.

Daryl looked back at you and nodded. “Yeah. Where are all the damn walkers?”

You continued down the hallway until you found a closed door with a placard beside it that said ‘Supplies.’ “Hey,” you whispered, drawing Daryl’s attention. You tried the handle and swore under your breath. “Locked.” You swung your pack down and dug in the front pocket. “I can pick it. Just cover me.”

Daryl stood guard while you slid the two tools into the key hole, prodding the pins methodically until you heard the characteristic click of completion. You shot a satisfied smile over at Daryl and pushed the door in, shining your flashlight onto the shelves lining the walls. “Fuck.”

They were barren.

Daryl shook his head and sighed. “Guess we try up a level?”

You grabbed the one lone pack of sterile IV tubing left and shoved it into your bag. “I guess so.”

“C’mon. Stairs this way.” You ghosted behind Daryl’s broad-shouldered frame until he paused in front of the stairway door and peeked through the window. It looked empty. He opened it as silently as possible, straining his hearing.

You stepped in after him, climbing the stairs, sweeping behind you with your light every once and a while. When you reached the next floor, Daryl froze and looked back at you with a furrowed brow. You gave him a questioning glance. “Door’s barricaded,” he muttered.

You sighed. “Should we just try the next level up?”

He shrugged and started to climb again, but when you arrived on that floor you saw that it too was barricaded from the other side. “Shit. What do you want to do?” you asked him. He chewed his bottom lip nervously for a moment, shining his flashlight through the small window and looking at what was blocking the door.

“Fuck it,” he said, slinging his bow over his shoulder. “Who knows how many of these damn doors are blocked. Some assholes probably thought they could outlast this thing.”

“Or they thought someone was coming for them,” you said. “The army.”

Daryl turned the handle and heaved his shoulder into the door. The heavy metal cabinet on the other side began to slide. He tried to move it as steadily and quietly as he could, but it made a harsh scraping noise in the silence. You both froze and listened, but you heard nothing.

Daryl held the door and you squeezed through the opening, turning around to hold it for him as he pushed through. When you turned around again you felt your stomach drop. “Oh, God.”

Blood. And corpses. There were old bloodstains and the bodies looked more like mummies than anything but it didn’t bode well. You exchanged a look with Daryl.

“In and out,” he whispered, nodding. You let out a deep breath, your lungs feeling suddenly tight, and the two of you started creeping down the hallway side by side, sweeping your eyes over each hospital room standing open. “There,” you said, spotting another placard designating another closed door as a supply room. This time the handle was loose as you tried it. You pushed inside and were relieved to see that it looked like it hadn’t been touched. Apparently, any other scavengers hadn’t been brave enough to venture past the barricades. You and Daryl dropped your packs and opened them up, shoving supplies inside and filling them so much you almost couldn’t fasten yours closed.

“Alright,” Daryl rumbled quietly. “Let’s get outta here before our luck runs out.”

You nodded heaving your bag onto your shoulders again with some effort. You were about follow Daryl back to the stairwell when you spotted another window that looked like a dispensary. “Hey. Wait a second. Maybe there are more painkillers in here.” You wandered over and tried to push the metal slatted grate over the window up. It didn’t budge. You went to the door. The handle was loose and you shot Daryl a smile.

But that was when your luck seemingly ran out. You pushed the door open and stepped inside but some water damage from a dripping pipe in the ceiling had rotted out the floor and subfloor. You heard it starting to collapse beneath you and had just enough time to throw your bow behind you and spin around. Daryl’s arms were already out and he grabbed onto you as the floor gave way beneath your feet. You held onto him as tightly as you could and in a moment he hauled you up out of the sudden empty space, your heart pounding out of your chest. The two of you collapsed in a heap on the floor.

But you didn’t have any time to rest or be thankful that you hadn’t plummeted downward. The debris and a heavy shelving unit had fallen with a tremendous crash that reverberated through the building. You scrambled for your bow and adjusted your pack again as Daryl was trying to see if you were alright, but there was a sudden growling and mawing from the other end of the hallway and you both swore.

“Oh, fuck,” you muttered, looking at a stream of walkers coming up the hallway from out of the stairway at the other end of the hall. “I guess that other stairwell wasn’t barricaded.

“Yeah, no shit,” he growled. “C’mon. We gotta get outta here.”

You both made a run in the direction you had come up but as you approached you could see that there were walkers filling that stairwell now too. “Shit! Daryl!”

You spun around looking helplessly at the herd approaching from up the hall. “We’re fucking trapped!” you said desperately, raising your bow and landing an arrow right in the skull of a walker in the lead. It crumpled and slowed the others behind it for a moment.

Daryl heaved the metal cabinet against the stairway door again to close the opening you had created. The dead were pressing against the door. “We ain’t dyin’ here!” he yelled. “C’mon!” he firmly grabbed your arm and pulled you partway up the hall, toward the incoming herd. He threw his shoulder into the nearest closed door and pushed you inside, firing a bolt at a walker who was reaching for him. He rushed in after you and slammed the door closed.

You had already tossed your stuff down and upended a desk and pushed it against the door. Daryl slid a metal cabinet against it too to fortify the barricade.

“Fuck,” you said, bending over with your hands on your knees, your heart absolutely pounding, your chest heaving.

Daryl was pacing around the room and made his way to the windows. “We gotta go. That shit isn’t gonna keep em out forever. Maybe there’s a fire escape we can use.” He looked out the window but saw nothing you could climb down. He rubbed a hand over the stubble on his face and jaw.

The dead were pounding against the door and the growling was reaching deafening heights. Daryl continued to pace like a caged animal, back and forth, looking around desperately. “There’s a door here,” he said, rushing over to it in the middle of the far wall. You retrieved your gear and raced over but watched as Daryl jumped back. “Fuck. Goddamn walkers out there too.” His expression was grim as he resumed his pacing.

You looked around as you heard the desk you had upended shaking with the blows of hungry dead ones against the door. Your eyes raced around the room. You were in some kind of laboratory.

Suddenly, Daryl froze like he had been turned to stone and you felt his eyes on you.

“What?” you urged. He tossed his pack down and drew his knife from its sheath at his hip. “What the hell are you doing?” you asked.

“Ya ain’t dyin’ in here. I’m gonna go out, clear a path, draw ‘em off so you can get out.”

“Like hell you are!”

“It’s the only way,” he growled back. “I ain’t lettin’ ya die in here!”

“And I’m not fucking letting you do this!” you said, grabbing onto his arm firmly. “Daryl, that’s suicide.”

“One of us has to get out with the meds and supplies,” he argued. “People back home need ‘em.”

“You’ve got people back there. If anyone is going to draw them off it should be me. It’s just—it’s just me,” you argued. You saw a fierce flash of fire in his blue eyes.

“Nah. Not happenin’,” he growled. He shook you off his arm. “This is how it’s gotta be.”

“You’re not doing this, Daryl. I’m not letting you. There’s gotta be another way out. There’s gotta be—” you rushed over toward the windows, desperately searching for something he had missed, some magic ladder that had suddenly appeared, anything. “There ain’t no other way out, Y/N! And eventually they are gonna come through!” That’s when your eyes fell on the lab supplies nearby. You looked up with a struck expression on your face. Daryl’s expression morphed from determined stubbornness to confusion. He watched as you threw down your pack and bow and started pulling stuff off the shelves. You threw down some glassware which shattered and started scooping up the shards, not even caring that they were cutting your hands up.

“The hell are ya doin’?” Daryl asked, rushing over and looking down at you like you had lost your mind.

“I’m making a way out,” you said. Daryl watched you mixing chemicals and pouring them into some containers you had found, dropping the broken glass in before carefully measuring out another liquid. You glanced up at him. “I’m—I’m making some nail bombs,” you said matter-of-factly. You got up off your knees on the floor and rushed across the room to a custodial cart you had seen, grabbing a box of screws off it and skidding back over to your area on the floor. “Well, screw bombs actually, I guess.”

“Ya—ya know how to—”

The desk against the door rocked violently and you both looked at it. You turned around and pointed to a table pushed against one wall. “Tip that over. We’re gonna need to hide behind it.”

Daryl heaved the table onto its side. “Ya sure ya know what you’re doin’?” He watched you methodically and carefully putting the finishing touches on the devices in front of you, sweat running down your neck and beading up on your hair line, your chest heaving. You wiped your arm across it.

Your eyes were fixed on them as you stood up with one in your hands, being extremely careful not to tip it. “I know what I’m doing,” you said, not taking your eyes off it. You walked over toward the barricaded door and set it carefully down on the floor. You did the same with another one a bit farther into the room. You glanced back at the archer, your eyes a bit frantic. “When they knock those over—” Daryl understood your meaning. “Help me move this shit,” you said, looking at the furniture blocking the door. You and Daryl heaved it out of the way. You could tell that the door wouldn’t hold much longer.

You rushed back over to the table Daryl had turned over and pulled your pack and bow behind it, along with the two remaining devices you had made. Daryl joined you behind the table. “What about those?” Daryl asked eyeing the bombs uneasily.

“These ones are for throwing,” you said, your eyes fixed on the door across the room. “Any second now,” you thought aloud.

“Ya got a Plan B in case these don’t work?” Daryl asked.

“This is Plan A through Z,” you said. “But they’ll work.”

A moment later there was a splintering of wood as the door gave way to the force of bodies on the other side and a flood of walkers started to enter the room. You hunkered down and plugged your ears. There was a concussive blast and you felt Daryl’s body against yours, sheltering over you as the windows in the room shattered and debris flew, embedding into the table you were using as a shield.

You straightened up, your ears ringing, coughing a little in the dusty and smoky haze in the air. You peeked over the table, Daryl doing the same. Body parts and a red splattering of blood was covering the room. There was a substantial hole where the doorway had been. “Sick,” you said aloud, wincing as some gore that was on the ceiling dripped down onto your shoulder. But you climbed to your feet and grabbed your gear. “Come on. Effective but loud. It’s gonna draw more. We gotta go now.” You thrust one of the remaining devices into Daryl’s hands with an urgent look. “Don’t shake it. Don’t drop it,” you said.

He nodded and followed your lead. As you moved into the hallway you headed for the opposite end, to the stairwell that had the door propped wide open. You could still hear walkers pounding on the other locked door of the room you had just been in, still intent from the sound of the blast.

You both snuck past them and started down the stairs, praying that the rest of the way would be clear. You made it to the ground floor and rushed out into the atrium. Daryl threw some chairs and boxes out of the way. You made a rush toward the sliding doors you had come in through and Daryl immediately started prying them open, handing you the bomb you had given him.

“Oh, fuck. I can hear them. Hurry, Daryl!” you urged. You ran back toward the sound of the walkers.

“The hell are ya doin’?” Daryl shouted over his shoulder, still heaving the doors open.

“Covering our ass!” you yelled. You peeked around the corner into the long hallway and saw a stream of walkers started to fill it. You heaved a breath and tossed one of the bombs, pressing yourself up against the wall and covering your ears against the blast.

Debris flew down the hallway and smoke drifted out. You peeked around the hall again and could see the carnage of the walkers blown all over the walls, floor, and ceiling. More walkers were still coming.

“Y/N! I got it! Let’s go!” Daryl roared. You eyed the last bomb and threw it as far down the hallway as you could, feeling the concussive force from the blast run through you as you ran back to Daryl and slipped out through the front doors. He slammed them shut behind you.

“We gotta get the hell away from here before every goddamn walker in the city shows up,” he said, rushing to put distance between you and the hospital.

“Not exactly subtle, but we’re out,” you gasped as you ran behind him.

You didn’t slow until you made it back to where you had stored the bike, doubling over with a stitch in your side, throwing your gear down and collapsing with your back against the wall. “Oh, shit. Fuck me,” you murmured, clutching at the cramp in your side, pressing your head back against the concrete and shutting your eyes.

Daryl’s chest was heaving from the run but he stared down at you with intense blue eyes. He dropped his pack down beside his bike and knelt down next to you. You felt him there and opened your eyes as he grabbed your wrist gently. “You’re bleedin’,” he said, looking at the cuts and punctures from the broken glass you had handled and from pushing yourself up on the debris of the blasts.

“It’s nothing,” you breathed as he examined each of your palms. He pulled his pack over and dug out some of the gauze you had just scavenged. “Daryl, it’s fine.”

He ignored you and only continued his care in silence, wrapping the gauze around both your palms and tucking the end under to secure it. When he finished, his eyes flitted up to meet yours and there was some unreadable expression in them. “That was too damn close,” he said. He gently grasped your elbow and helped you to your feet.

“Tell me about it,” you murmured in agreement. You looked down at your pack stuffed full of supplies. “But we did it. And we got everything Denise needs.”

Daryl still seemed ill at ease. “Ya wanna tell me how the hell you know how to make a fuckin’ nail bomb?”

You laughed wryly. “You wanna tell me how you ever thought I’d let you go on a goddamn suicide mission?” you said in disbelief. “Jesus, Daryl! Don’t you ever try to pull something like that again, okay?”

He avoided your eyes. “If I have to, I will.”

You felt a twist in your stomach at his words, but the next moment he was simply strapping his pack down on the back of his bike and swinging his leg over, looking back at you expectantly. “C’mon. Let’s get the fuck outta here before it gets dark.”

You pulled back into Alexandria and Daryl stopped his bike in front of the infirmary. Denise came rushing out. “Oh, thank God you’re both okay,” she said in a gasp. “I’ve been going crazy all day.”

Daryl climbed off and helped you do the same. Your heart jumped as he gently closed his hand around yours, being careful to avoid your cut-up palm. “Y/N needs her hands looked at,” he said.

You rolled your eyes. “No, I don’t. They’re fine, Denise.”

She stared at you in concern and adjusted her glasses. “I’ll look them over. How did it go?”

Her question made you and Daryl exchange a glance for a moment. “Oh, God! I asked too much of you,” she said anxiously.

“Hey, we’re both fine. And we got everything on the list,” you said, shouldering your pack more securely. “We just, uhh, had a close call is all.”

Daryl threw one of his pack straps over his shoulder. “Where ya want these, doc?”

Denise wrung her hands but motioned for you both to follow her inside. After dumping out the copious bottles of medication and packs full of supplies on a table, Denise forced you to sit down so she could look at your palms underneath a bright light.

“They aren’t bad at all,” you protested. Daryl was standing nearby with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the wall, making sure you couldn’t leave until you’d been checked over.

“How did this happen?” she asked, turning your hand to catch the wounds in the light.

“She grabbed a bunch of broken glass,” Daryl rumbled from his place against the wall.

Denise gave you a look like you were nuts. “…why?”

You cleared your throat and averted your eyes. “Because I needed it for something.”

She grabbed a tweezers and plucked a shard of glass from one of the wounds dropping it into a nearby metal tray. “For what?”

“Uhh…”

Daryl let out an amused snort from his place against the wall and you were relieved to see that his intensely serious and grim expression had broken. You caught his blue eyes and grinned a little sheepishly. Denise looked over at him too. “What? What’s so funny?”

You stared back down at your palm, feeling those annoying butterflies flitting to life in your stomach again at the boyish half-smile on Daryl’s face. “Nothing. Nothing is funny. Don’t worry about it.”

When Daryl was satisfied that you had been thoroughly attended to, he nudged his nose up at you and you thanked Denise one more time before following him out of the clinic.

“Ya really ain’t gonna tell me how the hell ya know how to make bombs?”

You shrugged. “I was—I was out there alone for a long time,” you said. “I, uhh, familiarized myself with things I thought would be useful.”

One of his eyebrows was quirked up at you but he nodded. “Alright… Smart.” He considered you for a moment. “Hey, why don’t ya come on over and eat somethin’? We usually eat around now. I’m sure somebody has fixed somethin’.”

You gave him a thoughtful look.

Daryl could sense your hesitancy. “Ya even got any food in your house?”

“Yes,” you said, acting affronted.

“What? What have ya got?”

“I’ve got stuff in the freezer!” you said.

“Uh huh. Stuff that ya ain’t gonna thaw out and cook tonight. C’mon. You’re eatin’ with us,” he said. He turned and started in the direction of your houses and you sighed, still feeling a bit apprehensive about the thought of so many people, but you followed behind. Daryl glanced back and felt a sense of relief when he realized you had conceded.

Rick heard the front door open and walked over to see who had just come in. Daryl and, to his surprise, you. “You’re back. And you’re alright?” Rick asked.

“Mhm,” Daryl hummed.

Rick nodded. “Well, you’ll have to tell us all about it.” “Supper?” Daryl asked.

“We were just about to sit down,” Rick replied, looking over Daryl’s shoulder at you as you hovered a little anxiously just behind him. “Good to see you. I hope you’re joinin’ us?” he asked, his eyes moving back to Daryl’s.

“Ya, she is.”

You felt your cheeks redden a bit as Rick glanced back at you. “Well, come on in and grab a spot,” Rick said, giving you a friendly smile. He patted Daryl on the back as he passed him and you trailed behind.

“I’m just gonna go drop my gear downstairs, alright?” Daryl said to you softly. You nodded, but he noted that you looked a little nervous. He gave you a small smile. “They don’t bite. I promise.”

You shot him a look which elicited another half-smile from him. “I’ll be right back.” His broad shoulders disappeared through the doorway to his space downstairs.

You were standing a little awkwardly at the edge of the kitchen, watching the busy scene in front of you as Glenn and Maggie set the table and Carol and Rosita moved food from the kitchen island to the big table. The air was buzzing with happy conversation, warm laughter, and you felt like you were an outsider looking in. Rick sensed your discomfort and came over with Judith in his arms.

“We can be a little much to take at first,” he said kindly. You met his eyes and gave him a hesitant smile. “Judith, will you say hello to our guest? Say hi! Say hi!” he prompted, kissing her cheek and drawing laughter from her. The little girl lifted a hand and waved at you. Rick watched your face light up with the widest smile he’d ever seen you give.

“Hi, Judith,” you said sweetly. “I’m Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you,” you said, reaching out and gently grasping her little hand to give it a shake.

Rick grinned as Judith laughed with her hand in yours. Your eyes were bright and twinkling as you looked at the little girl in his arms. “She’s so precious,” you said softly, catching Rick’s eyes again.

He pressed a kiss to her soft hair and nodded. “She is.”

“Alright, dinner is on,” Carol yelled over the somewhat boisterous noise. “Everybody grab a seat before it’s cold!”

Rick gave you a kind smile and nudged his head in the direction of the table. You followed him over, glancing back at the doorway Daryl had disappeared through and hoping to see him but it was still empty.

You randomly picked a chair between two empty ones and sank down into it. Carl sat down next to you on one side.

“Hi,” he said, giving you a smile. “Y/N, right? Daryl talks about you a lot.”

You felt another flush of heat in your cheeks. “Yeah, that’s me,” you said, definitely feeling out of place. “You’re Carl, right? Daryl talks about you a lot,” you said managing a smile. The teenager grinned. Where the hell was Daryl?

The chair on the other side of you suddenly was pulled out abruptly and it made a loud scraping sound on the wood floor which seemed to draw everyone’s attention, not only you. Most of the conversation in the room quieted. You looked over and watched as a brown-haired man with a mullet sank into the seat, his eyes immediately on you.

“Hello,” he said abruptly. “My name is Dr. Eugene Hermann Porter and I am most pleased to make your acquaintance,” he said eagerly. His eyes were a bit wide and fixed on your face as you stared back at him in surprise. His tone was unique, somewhat flat with a heavy southern accent and oddly formal almost.

You nodded, your own eyes wide as you looked back at him. “Hi,” you said quietly. “I’m, uhh, Y/N…”

“I am fully and completely aware of who you are,” he said. His stare was intense and unwavering and you immediately felt a bit uncomfortable beneath it, tearing your eyes away from his which you could still feel fixated on you.

You glanced around at the others at the table, a little uneasy and definitely trying to avoid Eugene’s gaze, and you saw some trying to stifle laughter at how the self-proclaimed genius was gaping at you. Others were less successful at stifling the laughs and there was certainly some head shaking and amused eye-rolling.

Rosita spoke next, snapping her fingers in Eugene’s direction. “Ey! Eugene! ¡Oye!” His eyes snapped to her face. “What have I told you about the staring?” she snapped. “You’re making her uncomfortable! ¡Basta!”

You noted that he looked chastised and he lowered his eyes to his plate, but continued to steal glances at you that he apparently thought were subtle but which definitely were not.

Abraham put a hand up to his face and shook his head as Sasha, Glenn, and Maggie laughed appreciatively.

“Hey!”

You knew that gruff voice. You looked back and watched as Daryl jostled the chair Eugene was in.

“Get on out. Move,” he said.

Eugene tried to argue. “But I’ve already claimed this spot. There’s a perfectly vacant chair right over—”

“Nah, c’mon. Out,” Daryl snapped again.

Eugene stared at him for a moment, but Daryl’s eyes were unwavering and eventually Eugene quailed beneath the stare, his shoulders slumping, and he moved over one chair. Daryl sank down beside you and gave you a hint of a smile. You returned it eagerly.

Dinner began and was lighthearted as everyone chatted and passed the food around the table. You were accepting a bowl from Carl when he caught sight of the red puncture wounds on your palm. “What happened?” he asked, pointing at your hand. Everyone seemed to immediately key in on the question and be looking your way.

“Oh. Uhh—” You glanced over at Daryl as if for help with an explanation but you were met with no assistance and only a small curve in his lips and his eyes crinkled slightly in amusement. You stared down at the punctures in your palm. “Just—from some broken glass on the run today. It’s nothing,” you said, giving Carl a reassuring smile, your heart pounding in your chest with everyone’s eyes on you.

“Nah, c’mon,” Daryl said, teasing plain in his voice. “Don’t lie to ‘im. He’s just a kid.”

You shot a look at him. “I’m not—That’s what—” You wanted nothing more than to punch him hard in the arm right then.

Daryl took a huge bite of bread and stared back at you. “Lie of omission,” he drawled through his full mouth. “Tell ‘im the whole story.”

He watched you clench your jaw and give him another pointed look. There was a mischievous spark in his blue eyes, fixed steadily on your face, that made it impossible for you to be too genuinely annoyed.

“We want to hear about the run today anyway,” Maggie said. “How’d everything go?”

Daryl obviously wasn’t going to answer so you sighed and nodded, your hands twirling your water glass anxiously. “We… We got everything on the list that the clinic needed,” you said.

“And had some more bad luck with a rotten floor,” Daryl added, glancing over at you. “Seems to be becoming a habit.”

“Daryl said you were going to have to go to a hospital. No walkers? We should go back and clean the place out if we can. Stock up before anyone else gets to the supplies or before we need ‘em,” Rick said.

Your mouth dropped open as you searched for how to respond. “Uhh—no, there—there were walkers…”

Daryl leaned forward with his elbows on the table. You felt the convivial mood in the room darken. “We had a close call,” he rumbled. “Y/N got us out.”

You felt everyone’s eyes on you again and you stared down into your water glass. “It was nothing,” you murmured.

“Nah. It was somethin’,” Daryl insisted. He leaned forward and looked at Carl. “She got those punctures on her hands because she broke a bunch of glass to put in some nail bombs when we were trapped by walkers. Made a way out. Blasted ‘em to hell.”

“Wait—sorry. Did you say nail bombs?” Glenn repeated.

You hazarded a glance at the faces around the dinner table and most of them were staring right back at you, some with unreadable expressions and others with looks of surprise or amazement.

Carl broke the tension. “Heh…cool,” he said with a laugh.

And just like that everyone was letting out relieved laughter. The tension in the room broke and you passed the rest of dinner in more comfort. You didn’t say much, content to keep to yourself and watch the members of Daryl’s group interact with each other.

And Daryl couldn’t stop stealing glances at you the whole time.

You insisted on helping with the post dinner clean-up, feeling somewhat more relaxed after the shared meal. Daryl was sitting in the living room sharpening his knife just for something to do, purposely positioned where his eyes could flit up and find you easily.

Glenn wandered over to the archer, his hands stuffed into his back pockets. Daryl looked up with a question in his eyes.

“What?” he asked, his deep voice heavy with gravel.

Glenn smiled at him and just shrugged. “Nothing. Nothing…” he trailed off. Glenn glanced into the kitchen in your direction and then looked back at Daryl. “Just—life’s short, man. What are you waiting for? Besides, you better hurry before Eugene beats you to it,” he joked.

[iamwhoami]

Are You With Me (Grey’s Anatomy)

Grey’s Anatomy

   When Y/N unexpectedly find out that she’s expecting, she suddenly finds herself having to figure out how to tell Jackson.

Warnings: Pregnancy???

Requested = Yes

“No...no, please no,” You whispered quietly as you stared at the stick in your hand.

   You were starting to lose hope that the first one you took was a false positive.

   It had all started a few weeks ago actually when you missed your period. That didn’t really alarm you since you were never regular and plus with all the stress that was on you right now, you figured that those were just the reasons. 

   Then, you started getting sick. Feeling nauseous, throwing up...all that fun stuff. 

But only in the morning. 

   Even then, you kept brushing it off, telling yourself that you had probably caught a stomach bug from a patient.

   It was the one and only Arizona Robbins that forced you to grab a pregnancy test (or two) from the pharmacy.

   So now here you were, locked in the bathroom in your apartment with three positive pregnancy tests. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

   You and Jackson hadn’t even started talking about kids and now you had to tell him you weren’t just thinking about having kids in the future, you were having one now.

This couldn’t be happening.

   You were deep in your swirling thoughts when your phone suddenly went off and you looked over to see a text message from Jackson.

Hey, do you wanna come over? I’ve made dinner for two...

   Did you? Not really. But at some point you’d have to tell him right? You quickly texted him back saying that you were leaving now

   Sighing, you decided to shove one of the pregnancy tests into your purse along with your phone before grabbing your coat and heading over to Jackson’s.

~~~

“Hey!” Jackson’s smiling face greeted you as he opened the door. “Come in!”

   You walked in and shook off your coat before hanging it up. Usually, it felt more casual but today you couldn’t help but feel out of place.

“I made fettuccine alfredo,” Jackson said, not noticing your tense body language, “Do you want some?”

   You swallowed, “Yeah, sure. That sounds good.”

   You took a seat on one of the bar stools at the island and Jackson soon placed a plate filled with a generous amount of pasta on it. He then helped himself to a plate and took a seat on one of the stools next to you.

   Normally, you would have finished the pasta in seconds, but your stomach was too nervous to have any sort of appetite so the best you could do was a few bites before you ended up playing with the food on your plate.

“Is everything okay?” Jackson asked, now noticing your strange behaviour. 

   This might have been a good time to tell him but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“Yeah, just a long day you know,” You replied, not completely lying. 

   It had been a long day but that wasn’t why you were acting different. 

   Jackson nodded, “It was a long day, do you want something to drink? Wine?”

“No,” You quickly declined, earning a strange look from Jackson. 

You had to think quickly to prevent any suspicions. 

“I think maybe I caught a bug or something from someone,” You explained, “I don’t think wine’ll make me feel any better.”

   Jackson nodded and for now, it looked like you were able to steer clear of the topic. 

   The rest of the dinner, you and Jackson talked about all the patients the two of you treated earlier in the day. By time he had finished, you had still barely touched your plate. 

   You knew he was concerned about that but he didn’t ask about it, much to your relief. 

   Before he could invite you to stay over, to quickly came up with a lame excuse about forgetting to your laundry in one of the machines in the apartment laundry room and thanked him for dinner.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” You told him.

   Jackson nodded, “Yeah, see you.”

~~~

   Okay, you were going to admit it. You were avoiding Jackson and there was no way around that.

   He had texted you last night once you got home and when you didn’t reply, he had called you multiple times though every time you just let the phone ring until it stopped by itself.

   When you had gotten to the hospital the next morning for your shift, you spotted Jackson talking to a nurse at the front desk and made a quick beeline for the hall that lead in the opposite direction. 

   While Jackson had specialized in Plastics, you specialized in Peds after realizing that there was just something special about working with kids. 

“Hey! Look who made it!” Arizona greeted you as she watched you start to go through the charts of the patients you had to see today.

   You sighed, “Yeah, I made it all right.”

“So what did the test say?” Arizona pried. 

   You knew what she was talking about but you played dumb anyway.

“What test?”

“You know what I mean,” Arizona said and you swallowed hard, trying to keep your eyes that were now slowly filling with tears on the charts.

   Arizona noticed your tears and quickly placed a hand on your shoulder. You didn’t need to say anything for her to know your answer to her previous question. 

“Have you told Jackson yet?” She asked you softly.

   You shook your head, “I was going to last night, he invited me over to dinner, but I chickened out.”

“You should tell him,” Arizona told you, “The sooner he knows, the better.”

“I know, I know,” You said, “And it’s not like I don’t want to tell him because I do. I want him to know.”

   Arizona nodded understandingly, “But you’re scared.”

   You scoffed, “More like terrified. I’m pretty much dropping a bombshell on him.”

“Well, my advice would be to just tell him,” Arizona said, “Get it over with.”

Both of you knew though that it was much easier said than done. 

“Yeah...okay,” You took a deep breath, “After shift, I’ll tell him, but right now, I have to check on Tracy Jenkins. It looks like she took a turn for the worst overnight.”

“Okay, yes, good luck!” Arizona told you before you hurried off.

~~~

   After a very long, exhausting, and horrible shift, you collapsed on one of the beds in the on call room. 

Today had been an awful day.

   Tracy Jenkins ended up coding and you weren’t able to restart her heart. She was eight years old. 

It wasn’t just Tracy though.

   Little Billy, born premature five days ago, had caught an infection and was now in critical condition. 

   Sixteen year old Molly Thompson was walking home from school when she was hit by a car. The driver was drunk. 

   She was still alive, but she was currently facing the possibility of paralysis while everyone waited for her to wake up from surgery.  

   You heard the door open before Jackson’s face suddenly loomed over you. 

“Long day huh,” He commented as he took a seat next to you.

“More like a rough day,” You groaned.

“Yeah...same,” Jackson sighed and you sat up.

   You were exhausted and felt like crap but you had said you were going to tell Jackson the news after shift and you didn’t plan on chickening out this time so...

“We need to talk,” Jackson said before you could say anything though.

   You nodded, “You’re right. We do.”

“I don’t know what I did,” Jackson kept going, “I keep racking my brain for anything I could have done but I can’t think of anything-”

“Jackson, stop,” You cut him off, “You didn’t do anything.”

“Then what’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing’s wrong Y/N because you know I know something’s wrong,” Jackson raised his eyebrows. 

   You took a deep breath, “Jackson, I’m pregnant.”

Silence.

“You’re...” Jackson’s voice faltered.

   You nodded, “I’m pregnant.”

“Okay...well...” Jackson seemed to be at a lost of words, “Maybe it was a false positive?”

“Maybe,” You bit your lip, “But I took three and they were all positive so unless I got three false positives...”

“Which is very unlikely,” Jackson said.

   You swallowed, “Yes. Which is very unlikely, but, I haven’t actually gotten any blood drawn or anything.”

More silence.

“Jackson, I need you to say something,” You finally told him, “I need you to say how you feel about this.”

“I mean,” Jackson put his hand on his head, “You just told me you were pregnant, I’m still comprehending things.”

   You sighed, “I’ll put it differently then. Are you with me or not?”

“Of course I’m with you,” Jackson quickly took his hand off his head and placed it on your hand instead, “I’m not leaving you, not now, not when you need me the most.”

   At those words, you burst into tears, not able to keep your composure any longer. 

“Hey...hey,” Jackson said softly as he scooted closer towards you, “It’s okay. We’ll figure things out.”

“I was going to tell you last night,” You spoke between your sobs, “But I got cold feet. I’m sorry.”

   Jackson wrapped an arm around your shoulder, “It’s okay. I’m just glad you told me.”

“I was scared,” You admitted, “I’m still scared.”

“You know what? So am I,” Jackson whispered, “But we’re gonna take this one day at a time. Together.”

You nodded and buried your face into his chest. 

“Does anybody else know?” Jackson asked you as he started stroking your hair. 

   You nodded again, “Only Arizona. She was the one who told me I should take a pregnancy test.”

“I think we should talk to her again,” Jackson said, “Get some blood drawn to see if those tests were right and then if they were, get an ultrasound done. You know, to check on our little bean.”

   You smiled, “Our little bean?”

“Well, little bean probably does exist so they need some sort of name,” Jackson explained, blushing a little. 

“Okay well...we’ll do what you just said in a little bit,” You agreed, “But I just need a moment with you.”

   Jackson opened his mouth to say something but before he got the chance, your pager went off and you quickly picked it up.

“Molly Thompson’s waking up,” You said and started getting up, “I need to be there.”

“Yeah of course,” Jackson replied, “I’ll meet you on the OB floor then when you’re done.”

   You nodded, “Sounds good.”

   You left the on call room feeling as if all the weight had just been lifted off your shoulders and you could now breathe again.

Everything was going to be okay.

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

A Night to Remember - Harry Styles One Shot

**

“Shit. Holy fucking shit.” you mumbled to yourself staring at the pee stick on the granite bathroom counter. 

Picking it up for a closer look, sure enough the word “Positive” glared back at you. 

“Wow,” you whispered. “I’m pregnant.” 

You looked up at you reflection in the mirror. Your hair was in curlers and you had just finished putting on your makeup when you got the urge to finally take the test that’s been burning a hole in the pharmacy bag hidden under the bathroom cabinet. 

There were only a few hours before the Grammy’s, the award show you’ll be attending in support of your boyfriend, Harry Styles. Why you thought it was a good idea to know this prior to the show, you didn’t know, but now this was all you were going to be thinking about. 

Okay, so the biggest reason why you needed to know is because you would need to know if you could drink, which obviously is not going to happen now. Not that you were a big drinker anyway, but it was a special night. 

“Hey, babe, you almost ready? Harry’s heading over with our clothes,” Harry knocked on the door. 

Shit, how were you supposed to tell him. Should you tell him? Well, you were going to tell him eventually, but right before one of the biggest nights of his career probably wasn’t the best. 

“Uh, yeah, I’ll be out in a second,” you respond. 

You waited until he was no longer on the other side of the door before throwing the box, directions, and used test back into the bag and putting it back its rightful place for the time being. 

“I’ll tell him tonight... when we get back. Or tomorrow... depending...” you nod to yourself. 

“Okay, I can do this. I’ll just act like everything’s fine... because it is...” you whispered. 

And it was, you and Harry had talked about starting a family, not necessarily this soon, but you both knew it could happen eventually. 

Eventually, is now apparently. 

**

About two hours later, you and Harry, along with a few members of his team arrived at the venue for the Grammys. It was your first time being there, but you could tell it felt different for everyone with the new set up. Since Harry was set to perform first, you would be able to head into the actual venue where the stage was to watch his performance, then you would be taken to your table at the award’s stage. 

So far, everything was going great, Harry was too distracted to know you were hiding a gigantic secret. But you didn’t know how much longer it would work. You  didn’t think you were acting differently, but you felt distracted by the information you were holding in, so it probably wouldn’t take long for someone else to notice. 

After Harry’s performance, which you loved despite not really getting into it, you were shown to your table. A few minutes after, Harry arrived, changed back into his red carpet outfit. When he reached you, he kissed the top of your head and sat down. 

“You were great,” you smiled. “I’m so proud of you.” 

“Thanks, baby,” he smiled. “It felt amazing being back up on stage again.” 

“I bet,” you smiled. 

“I’ve got us some drinks coming our way. They should be here soon,” Harry said. 

“Oh, uh, thank you, but I don’t feel like drinking tonight, but you go right ahead,” you smiled. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. “You feeling okay?” 

“Yeah, I feel uh, fine. Just nerves I guess,” you shrugged. 

“I’m the one up for the awards, love,” he laughed. 

“And? That doesn’t mean I can’t be nervous for you!” You scolded with a laugh. 

He laughed kissing your cheek before turning back to the screen showing the other performances. 

**

Throughout the night, you felt Harry staring at you and you knew your fears where coming to light. He knew something else was up with you and it wasn’t just nerves. 

“Y/N, what’s going on?” He whispered taking your hand into his. 

“I told you, it’s nothing,” you said. 

“You can’t lie to me,” he said. “I know when something is bothering you, so tell me.” 

“This isn’t exactly the time or place,” you sighed. 

“So, there is something,” he said. 

“Yes, okay?” You sighed. “I just... there is something, but I’m not telling you until after we leave.” 

“Damn it, just tell me now,” he sighed. 

“I want you to enjoy your night without distractions,” you said. 

“Well, I’m not going to be able to fucking do that now, knowing there’s something going on with you,” he responded. 

You sighed, shaking your head before looking over at him. “I’m pregnant.” 

Harry’s eyes widen, “What?” 

“I’m a few days late, so I bought a test, took it this afternoon and it was positive,” you sighed. 

“Oh, fuck,” he whispered. “And you’re sure?” 

“As sure as the test and a missed period can be, yeah,” you sighed. 

Before he could respond, your conversation was interrupted by Harry’s category being called and them announcing he had won a Grammy. 

“You won! Harry, you fucking won!” Jeff smiled walking over and getting Harry’s attention. 

“Wait, what?” He said looking shocked and confused in more ways than one. 

“Go, you did it,” you smiled. “We’ll talk later.” 

Harry finally went up the stage to claim his Grammy, but you could tell he was super overwhelmed and nervous. Tears formed in your eyes as you watched him up on that stage giving his speech and you couldn’t help but picture how this time next year, there would be a little one at home cheering their Daddy on. 

And with that little moment, everything that was about to change in your life would be worth it. 

**

[poor-baby-bangtan]

i was wondering if you could do something snz-centric with jungkook. like a cold or flu. hes just so adorable and im too much of a sucker of bts taking care of him in fics. (also im so happy youre back and well, you're one of my favourite bangtan sickfic writers here on tumblr ^^)

I hope you enjoy! 

Sickie: jeongguk 

Caretakers: Namjoon and Seokjin 

Words: 6,853

Themes: snz, fever, hurt/comfort 

"Ht'tschu!"

By the fifth time that Jeongguk had to tear himself away from the recording equipment to sneeze almost violently into his hands, Namjoon was ready to call it quits for the day. The pair had been finishing up some backing vocals for a nearly-completed song - it was only a bit of harmonization, nothing extreme or extravagant. Jeongguk had always been the best with harmonizing, especially in a higher pitch, so Namjoon figured that he would layer the maknae's hidden track over it first just to get a feel for the way it sounded.

But Jeongguk was barely able to get through any of his lines or simple melodies without having to turn around to sneeze or clear his throat. And now that Namjoon thought about it, his voice did sound a bit rough around the edges and maybe even a little congested if he listened closely enough to his dongsaeng's voice blasting through his headphones. And, above all, he couldn't get through a track that he would have aced any other day. It was nearing 1 AM and the maknae looked tired, stressed, and sick behind the mic.

"JK," he called through the slightly-opened door beyond the large built-in window between them (purely to keep unwanted sounds out of the recording). "You okay?"

Jeongguk sniffed and rubbed at his nose with a knuckle, ears reddening slightly at the sudden attention. Namjoon found it incredibly endearing that, despite living together for just shy of seven years, he still managed to get embarrassed over minor stuff like that.

"Yeah, I'm alright, hyung. I'm sorry, I know you wanted this finished quickly," he managed, staring at the open mic in front of him with obvious frustration and guilt, the tip of his bunny nose pink with mild irritation.

Namjoon stood and took off his bulky headphones, joining him in the adjacent room and placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Gguk, it's not your fault." The maknae sniffled again but didn't say anything, looking so pitifully sad as his eyes wandered around the floor. "Are you wearing a new cologne or anything? New shampoo?" Namjoon knew how sensitive their youngest was to smells - his perfume of choice was actually faint and made for women and he wore it for the sole purpose of it not irritating his sinuses. Even a change in shampoo, conditioner, or hair spray had a tendency to trigger Jeongguk's rhinitis flare-ups.

Jeongguk shook his head. "No, everything's been the same, Joon-hyung. I don't know why it's like this."

The rapper chewed at his lip worriedly, running a hand through the younger man's soft hair. "You think you're getting sick, babe?" Namjoon chose to break out the pet names now - it helped break Jeongguk out of that shy, nervous, I'm-grown-up-so-I-can-handle-everything-myself shell he always tried to adopt.

"Hih-H'tshhuh! T'cHh!"

Jeongguk didn't have time to reply before he was pitching forward to sneeze twice into his elbow, leaning back with a little groan. Namjoon chuckled quietly and rubbed the maknae's back as he sniffled and scrubbed at his nose with his sleeve. "I think that might be a yes."

The maknae sighed, rubbing at his brow like he had a headache. "I don't want to be."

Namjoon just tutted and put his palm to the younger man's forehead, frowning when he felt the slightest bit of heat underneath his hand. He wasn't flushed and didn't feel too warm, but he always ran hot when he was coming down with something. "I don't think you have a choice in this one, Gguk-ah."

"But hyung," Jeongguk whined, looking up at him with his big doe eyes, "I can't get sick right now. We have so much stuff to do and I'm already making you stay late-"

"Hey, no," he shushed. "You're not holding back anything. We have work, sure, but it's not anything that we can't push back a few days for you. This is the lightest our schedule has been for a while, so don't stress about it, okay?" Namjoon smiled faintly, running his fingers once more through Jeongguk's fringe. "And you're not keeping me here doing anything. We could have been doing this next week or even not at all; this is optional just to test the sound, you know that."

Jeongguk nodded, sniffling again for good measure. "Yeah, okay," he mumbled, still disappointed and very much not convinced.

"Why don't we go ahead and head home? It's late," Namjoon yawned, stretching, all an act just to get the maknae to not protest leaving just like the rapper knew he would. He had always been the hardest one to take care of - most of the others eventually gave in and let themselves be coddled. But, nope, not Jeongguk. He would put up a fight until he was passed out or in the hospital, something that his hyungs tried relentlessly to keep from happening. No matter how much they drilled into his head that you need to talk to us, Gguk or you can tell us anything, Gguk, it seemed like the kid never listened. Despite the fact that he had recently turned twenty-one, he had absolutely zero skills in the self-care department.

Jeongguk nodded and Namjoon marked that as a big success on his part. "Okay." He patted his pockets a few times before sighing. "Let me find my keys first."

That's right. He drove us here this morning.

"No that's okay, Gguk. I'd rather call a cab." Namjoon wasn't sure if he really wanted his maknae driving while sick, and at midnight nonetheless. He was already a little reckless behind the wheel on the best of days and the last thing they needed was him having a cold (or worse yet, flu) on top of that. The leader silently cursed himself that he hadn't gotten around to getting his license yet (and tried not to be embarrassed that the youngest of his group had to drive him around despite the age gap).

"No, I'm fine, hyung. I can drive," Jeongguk protested, looking just a little too eager to prove himself and that he was indeed okay. "I can.. d-dr- hhitsHh!"

He was interrupted by another sneeze, though, pitching forward, bent at the waist from the strength of it. He slowly straightened upwards, hands still cupped around his face. Namjoon took the hint and passed him a tissue, which Jeongguk hesitantly took as if he were almost too prideful to take it. He usually was, and the rapper was thankful that it was late in the evening. A tired Jeongguk was an obedient Jeongguk.

"I know you can, Ggukkie, but I'd rather just call someone. It's late and we're both tired; I'd feel better if we had a cab or a manager come pick us up. Besides, we're here every day. We can pick up your car another day, yeah?"

Jeongguk wiped his nose with the tissue and threw it away, sighing. "Okay. Is Sejin-nim still here?"

"Let me text him. Go ahead and put your coat on."

The maknae nodded and went to retrieve his hoodie as Namjoon fumbled with his phone.

Joon: Hyung-nim, are you still in the building?

Cool manager hyung: yeah I'm about to leave. need a ride?

He smiled at how Sejin already knew what he needed before he had the chance to say anything about it.

Joon: yeah, me and Ggukie are finishing up in the studio.

Joon: do you mind dropping us off?

Manager hyung: of course, it's on the way anyways. but I thought Jeongguk drove you two here..?

Joon: yeahh but I think he's coming down with something. don't want him on the roads right now ~_~;

Manager hyung: aishhhh why am i not surprised 

Manager hyung: that kid always pushes himself too hard

Manager hyung: meet me outside in 10. i'll stop by the pharmacy tomorrow.

Joon: thank you Sejin-hyung :))

By the time Namjoon looked up from his phone, Jeongguk had pulled his hoodie on and was scrubbbing at his nose with one of the sleeves, sniffling weakly. The hoodie was a couple sizes too large and hung low around mid-thigh. He had balled up his hands inside of the sleeves, making rather adorable sweater paws with them. His nose was now red, morphing from the innocent pink tinge that it had held for most of the night, and his eyes looked a little far-off and watery. Namjoon tried his best not to make a sound of endearment and simply pocketed his phone, reaching out and squeezing his dongsaeng's shoulder.

"Sejin-nim is gonna pull up out front for us."

"'Kay," the maknae mumbled, looking exhausted despite himself. Hopefully it wouldn't be hard to get some medicine in him and put him to bed.

Sejin held true to his word; his car was already warm and running by the time the pair made it downstairs. Namjoon crawled into the backseat with Jeongguk instead of taking his usual place up front. Jeongguk didn't seem to mind, or even notice for that matter, as he put on his seatbelt and yawned into his hand. Namjoon caught Sejin's knowing smirk in the rear view mirror, though, and felt his face heat up.

He wasn't one of the most doting members but he still cared, alright?

Sejin started up the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "How's the song looking, boys?"

"It's going great, Sejin-nim," Namjoon smiled. "Jeongguk is really blowing it out of the water." He reached over and ruffled Jeongguk's hair lightly. Jeongguked smiled that cute smile he does, lips barely pulling back to preview his bunny teeth, eyes scrunching gently around the edges, and it was all Namjoon could do to not make a noise like a variation of a dying animal. That kid does something to his heart that should not be legal. The maknae pushed his hand away and he let him, reaching down to intertwine their fingers and rest them on his thigh instead.

Sejin chuckled deep and throaty, smiling in the rearview mirror. "Just as usual, huh?"

"Yep." Namjoon ran his thumb over Jeongguk's knuckles. "Golden maknae here always does his best."

Jeongguk ducked his head and smiled, teasing his lower lip with his teeth, ears going a bit red. He had never been able to take a compliment without getting embarrassed. "Thanks, hyung."

"Aish, don't thank me kid." Namjoon swore his heart was about to burst. His maknae really was just too sweet without knowing it.

Jeongguk was opening his mouth to say something back but stopped short, getting a far-off look in his eyes as his jaw hung slack. His nose twitched and scrunched several times with the effort not to sneeze; his breath hitched several times as his breathing quickened. He was not able to quell the feeling, though, and sneezed openly onto his lap before he could react.

"Hih.. hh-huh-H'itsxhu! Ht'scHh! Es'cHischh!"

He tore his hand from Namjoon's as he caught the second and third that came with it. They sounded increasingly intense and painful, and Namjoon winced in sympathy.

Sejin sucked in air through his teeth sharply as Jeongguk slowly brought his hands away from his face and sniffled in retaliation a few times. "You feeling okay, kid?" He pulled up at a red light and looked him over in the rear view mirror. "That sounded kind of bad."

Namjoon was glad that Sejin chose not to mention the fact that he had already told him Jeongguk wasn't feeling his best. Jeongguk would have been eternally embarrassed and probably would deny his hyung's help for a while. He had a strange trust system and Sejin seemed to know that.

Jeongguk snuffed once more against the increasing stuffiness in his sinuses before replying. "Yes, I'm okay Sejin-nim, thank you."

Namjoon withheld a sigh and put a hand on Jeongguk's thigh. Always so closed off and shy. Of course, he loved his maknae and wouldn't change his personality for anything. But sometimes he wished he would open up a little more and be a little more trusting to those around him. He had opened up to his band mates after a while, of course, but it was still hard for even them to get through to him at times. Jeongguk could be silly and goofy and just himself wherever he was, but when it came to showing any form of weakness it was like he retreated as far back into his shell as he could get. It was a constant inner struggle for him, realizing that he's still human and needs to treat himself as such. Even one (1) voice crack during a performance can drive him to tears. Weakness and mistakes are just not something that he tolerates with himself, as sad as it makes Namjoon. He's never really as concerned with Jeongguk's physical condition as much as he is with his psychological one when his health dips.

Sejin sighed quietly enough for Jeongguk to miss it and pulled up as the light turned green again. "If you're sure. Just let me know if that changes, okay, Jeongguk-ah?"

"Yes, hyung-nim." Namjoon could hear the gratefulness in the maknae's voice, even if he most likely would not accept the help.

"Aish, kid, always so formal," Sejin grumbled playfully. He had long stopped trying to get Jeongguk to drop the honorifics. They were fond and playful now more than anything.

Jeongguk made that happy noise in the back of his throat that he tended to do, sort of like a mix between a laugh and a endearing huff, and replied, "Of course, Sejin-ssi."

"Ack!" Sejin waved one of his hands in the air dismissively. "That's worse!"

Jeongguk chuckled, fully this time, with a grin that split his whole face and made his eyes squint. He seemed tired, but happy still - probably wasn't feeling too bad, then.

The trio fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the trip. Namjoon could feel that they were all tired - reasonably so, it was past 1am - and if he was being honest he was ready to do nothing more than just crash in bed when he got home. But his maknae still needed to be taken care of, because he certainly wasn't going to take medicine on his own.

The pair said their goodbyes to Sejin after he pulled up outside of their apartment, with the older man giving Namjoon a knowing wink as a way to say good luck with that one. Namjoon just laughed and waved him off. He knew how to handle his maknae.

Jeongguk stumbled inside, already half-asleep from the car ride, and made his way into the bathroom. Namjoon veered towards the kitchen where their medicine cabinet was and dug around for a few minutes looking for some sort of cold medicine or anti-congestant. He came up with a half-empty blister packet of a nighttime cold medicine which was about the best he could have hoped to find. With the winter, colds had been going around the members quite often and it was around that time of the year that they were constantly running low on medicines. That, and it would help Jeongguk sleep more soundly - even though he usually slept a lot (like, a lot) when he was sick, it was never very deeply and it left him still feeling exhausted, even after he was healthy again.

Namjoon popped a few blue gel-capped pills into his hand and filled up a glass of ice water as he heard the shower come on, sighing when he realized he also still needed to shower. But then he had a thought... why wait? He'd rather keep an eye on his dongsaeng anyways.

Setting the pills and glass on the counter, Namjoon made his way other to the bathroom and poked his head in. "Mind if I join you, Ggukkie?" he called.

"Sure, hyung," came Jeongguk's reply, rough around the edges and tired. Even though he had been living with roommates for many years, he still erred to the shy side, especially when it came to being undressed around others. But, if he was tired enough or felt bad enough, he tended to care less about exposure and more about having company and skinship.

At his response, Namjoon stepped into the bathroom and quietly closed the door behind him, quickly stripping down and pulling back the shower curtain to step under the warm stream of water. Jeongguk stepped over to make room for him (thankfully they finally had enough money for an apartment with several large bathrooms with large tubs and showers, so both of them comfortably fit). The water was a tad too hot, probably because the younger was feeling chilled from being out in the cold, even if they were just walking from the car to their door. Or that's what Namjoon hoped - he was praying the kid wasn't cold because a fever was coming on. He did his best to ignore it, though.

Jeongguk was just beginning to shampoo his hair, eyes droopy and tired. He sniffled once, and then twice - the steam was probably helping with his congestion. Namjoon struggled against a fond little smile and reached over to shampoo his dongsaeng's hair himself. Jeongguk didn't even argue and dropped his hands immediately to his sides. His eyes fluttered closed as his hyung worked the product into his hair, swaying with the motion. He sighed a long, drawn-out breath and leaned into Namjoon's touch, mouth just barely hanging open like a puppy's when receiving a good scratch.

"You're not allowed to ever stop that, hyung," he mumbled, words thick with exhaustion and groggy, eyes still closed. Namjoon laughed again and massaged the base of his scalp.

"We'll see about that, kiddo." He worked the suds through Jeongguk's long hair (wow, it had really gotten lengthy, hadn't it?) and took a second to admire the youngest's features. Even when he was feeling under the weather, his face was still radiant and beautiful. His skin was perfectly blemished, a healthy tan (how could anyone ever want to whitewash him?), and the resting-exhaustion-pout glued to his expression made him look younger and more adorable than ever. As Namjoon guided his head underneath the stream of water, he took a second to appreciate how lucky he was to have Jeongguk as his dongsaeng.

Jeongguk preened under the warm water, melting under it as it met his skin. He looked half-asleep. Namjoon fondly tapped his cheek, to which he opened his eyes; the older man smirked. He was just about to say something teasing when Jeongguk's face screwed up and he hitched, pitching forward catching it in his elbow.

"Hh- hh'itschiew!"

He sniffled a few times as he straightened up, keeping his elbow to his face as he coughed a couple times into it. Namjoon felt his chest tighten and eyebrows pinch together.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay Ggukkie?" He ran his hands through the younger's hair once more, scratching at the base of his neck. Jeongguk just nodded and coughed one more time before dropping his arm, pushing even further into his hyung's touch. But he didn't say anything or respond verbally at all. He was probably feeling too tired to even try and debate about his health. Namjoon just sighed and reached for his own shampoo, quickly lathering up his silver-blonde hair. "I have some medicine laid out for you. Let's just finish up so you can take it and we can get you to bed, hmm?"

Jeongguk only nodded sleepily once more, fumbling for the conditioner. Namjoon once again took over washing his dongsaeng's hair as soon as he had finished with his own; Jeongguk was seriously lagging behind as he struggled to stay awake underneath the stream of hot water. After rinsing out the remaining conditioner from the younger's hair, Namjoon passed over the body wash, turning the maknae around so he could wash his back. Soon enough, though, they were both toweling off and clumsily dressing in sleepwear. Jeongguk groaned when Namjoon pulled out the hairdryer.

"Hyung, can we please just skip that? I want to sleep," he whined, lip protruding in a cute little pout in an attempt to win his hyung over.

"Nope, no way. You're already getting sick and the last thing we need is it getting worse because you went to bed with cold, wet hair. Turn around and sit on the counter if you want."

Jeongguk huffed, annoyed, but did as he was told anyways. Namjoon pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead before brushing through the younger's hair and turning on the blow-dryer. Now the maknae was actually falling asleep, head lolling down several times before he woke himself up and jerked himself back upright. Namjoon bit back a smile as he continued to blow dry his hair, overwhelmed by fondness. By the time his hair was dry, Jeongguk was passed out, mouth hanging open and cheek pressed against his shoulder. At the sound of the dryer turning off Jeongguk stirred, blearily opening his eyes and blinking several times to focus them.

"'M done?"

"Yeah, kiddo. Hop down and we'll go take your medicine."

Jeongguk fixed him with a groggy glare. "You didn't dry your hair."

Namjoon chuckled and winked. "I'm too tired, I guess."

The younger slid off the countertop and headbutted his hyung in the chest; evidently he was too tired to pick his head up, so he let it rest on Namjoon's sternum as he weakly hit him with a closed fist. "You're the worst, Namjoon-hyung," he mumbled, no real heat behind the words.

He just chuckled in response and wrapped an arm around his dongsaeng's shoulders, leading him out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. "Oh yes, I'm just terrible for looking after my maknae," Namjoon said as he passed Jeongguk the pills from where they were on the counter, holding up the glass to the younger's lips. Jeongguk mumbled faux-angrily under his breath as he tossed the pills into his mouth and let Namjoon give him a drink of water to wash them down. Namjoon took the glass with him as the guided the younger down the hallway and into their shared room, setting it down onto the nightstand.

Jeongguk belly-flopped onto Namjoon's bed with a big sigh, stretched out parallel to the headrest. He grumbled incoherently into the duvet and stilled completely. Namjoon huffed a laugh and slapped him lightly on the back of the thigh.

"Come on, Gguk-ah, move over so we can both fit. That's right, get under the covers." Jeongguk sighed and grumbled again at his words, lazily re-correcting himself to lay properly on the bed. Namjoon lifted up the covers for him and the maknae crawled obediently between the sheets, settling in on his side with his feet curled up in a half-fetal position. The older man climbed in after him on the opposite side of the bed, turning off the bedside lamp and pulling up the duvet over the both of them. He reached over and adjusted the covers to below Jeongguk's chin, effectively tucking him in. As he got settled in himself, Jeongguk squirmed his way to Namjoon's chest, cold nose feeling over his collar bone. The rapper intertwined a leg with the younger's, wincing at his freezing toes, and slung an arm around his slim waist. For a few seconds, it was just the quiet sound of the AC and the feeling of the maknae's chest rising and falling against his own, warm breaths puffing against his neck. Jeongguk's long locks tickled against his cheek.

"Th'nk you, hyung," Jeongguk slurred against his collarbone, sounding sleepy and content but more congested than he had previously. Namjoon just gave a low rumble and pressed a hand to his maknae's forehead. A little warm, but that was probably just from the combined heat of the shower and hairdryer.

"Of course, you don't have to thank me, Gguk." He pressed a kiss into the younger's hair. "How're you feeling, jaigya?" Namjoon's brow contorted in concern as Jeongguk shivered a little in his arms and sniffled against his t-shirt.

Jeongguk just gripped his shirt a little tighter and nosed further into the crook of his hyung's neck and mumbled, "Shh, hyung, sleepy t'me, shhh..." His breaths became a little deeper as he fell further into the grasp of sleep, the small rushes of air sending goosebumps over Namjoon's olive skin. "No m're talkin'," he murmured, sounding as if he were barely hanging onto the last dregs of consciousness.

Namjoon pressed a kiss to his forehead before relaxing back into his pillow, fingers drawing invisible pictures onto the younger's back. "M'kay, babe." Namjoon figured he had been awake long enough - it was nearing 3am and he was feeling sick, there was no point in keeping him up any later than he needed to be. He could always check up on him in the morning. Plus, Namjoon thought he had done a pretty good job of taking care of his maknae thus far - a little questioning could wait. "Goodnight, aeghi. Saranghae."

Namjoon was only barely able to hear the whispered reply of "Joon-hyung, saranghae," before the youngest promptly fell asleep in his arms.

xxx

As expected, Jeongguk was restless during the night. He never really woke up but tossed and turned all the same, occasionally making sleepy noises and sighs against his hyung's neck. He never slept particularly well when he was unwell, which was something Namjoon knew was going to happen. That being said, the older man didn't get much sleep either. He was hyper-vigilant and woke up every time his maknae so much as stirred. Namjoon was exhausted, seeing as he had several late nights in a row, but somehow he didn't seem to mind this time. As the night went on, though, Jeongguk seemed to still, back pressed up against his hyung's chest. Namjoon woke up a few hours later to light streaming through the window and Seokjin knocking at the door to wake them up up. The rapper stirred and stretched, inhaling sharply. It felt like he had hardly slept, but it was already 8am.

Jeongguk still lay quiet as the little spoon, curled up into Namjoon's stomach. His body was radiating heat and he was breathing laboriously through his mouth. Namjoon swore and peeled back the covers, pressing a hand to the younger's forehead; he found it to be hot to the touch. His tan skin shone with sweat and his face was particularly pale aside from the flush of his cheeks. Along with that, he was shivering a little in his sleep, brows contorted into a painful grimace. Namjoon dropped his hand and sighed; he knew this was going to happen.

The older man tucked his maknae back into the covers before getting up himself, sighing once more. He made sure Jeongguk was still asleep as he left the room. Seokjin was in the kitchen brewing coffee from the Kurig, watching with tired eyes as the bitter liquid slowly filled his cup. Namjoon approached him from behind and wrapped his hands around the older man's slim waist, burying his face in a broad shoulder and pressing down hard with his forehead.

Seokjin chuckled and patted his arm. "What's this, Namjoon-ah?"

"Jeonggukie's sick," he grumbled into the fabric of the singer's sleep shirt, getting a whiff of his fabric softener in the process. Seokjin always smelled so nice. The younger man could feel the other craning his head to look at him so Namjoon picked his head up and rested his chin on his shoulder instead, meeting Seokjin's gaze. "It came on last night," Namjoon sighed. "He was restless all night and when I woke up he was running a fever."

Seokjin maneuvered out of his arms, turning around to face his dongsaeng and tracing the pads of his thumbs over Namjoon's eye-bags with a concerned crease in his brow. "Are you sure you didn't get it, too? You look awful, jaigya. You're pale."

"No, hyung, I feel fine. Maknae-ah just kept me up with all his tossing and turning."

Seokjin got a smug look on his face, smirking.

"What?" Namjoon deadpanned. He was too tired for this.

"Well," Seokjin drawled. "You're usually such a heavy sleeper. Worried about our youngest, are you?"

Namjoon felt his ears go hot with embarrassment. What's the deal with people, first Sejin, now Seokjin was teasing him? Unbelievable. "With all due respect hyung, shut up. Just because I don't show it as much as you do I actually do care about my maknae," Namjoon spat, pushing away against his hyung's chest and trying to walk past him, annoyed. Seokjin's squeaky laughter followed him and he was stopped by the older man catching his wrist.

"I'm just kidding Joonie, don't get so defensive," he giggled, drawing the younger back into a hug.

Namjoon sighed and buried his face again in Seokjin's shoulder. "Maybe don't tease me then," he grumbled, but the heat was gone.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Seokjin stroked his back and laughed one more time. "Have you checked his temperature yet?"

"Not yet. He's still sleeping."

Seokjin hummed, planting a kiss in Namjoon's bed head before pulling away.

"I'll go get the thermometer. Will you wake him up for me?"

"Sure, hyung." Namjoon started down the hallway, slowly creaking the door open and slipping into his and Jeongguk's shared bedroom. The maknae was exactly where he had left him, turned away from the door curled up on his side. Even though he was about to wake the younger man up anyways, the rapper tiptoed around the bed and kneeled next to his pillow as quietly as he could. Jeongguk's face was still scrunched up and tense with pain, a flush high on his cheeks. His hair and shirt were saturated with sweat. Namjoon reached up with his hand and smoothed over the distressed wrinkles on his forehead; his face relaxed after a few seconds, melting into a neutral expression. His face was hot to the touch and Namjoon's fingers came away damp.

"Jeonggukie," Namjoon murmured, reaching over to grasp his maknae's shoulder gently. "Aghi. It's time to wake up, jaigya." The younger stirred, eyebrows immediately scrunching up again as he fought against waking consciousness and the pain he obviously felt. Namjoon shushed him gently, cupping the side of his face with a large hand and rubbing his thumb over his temple. "I know, babe, wake up for just a few minutes."

Jeongguk blearily opened his eyes and immediately winced, making a pitiful noise of pain from the back of his throat and curling up into a tighter ball. He squeezed his eyes closed and buried his face in his pillow.

"Aigoo, I know, I know it hurts Ggukkie." Namjoon moved from stoking his forehead to running his fingers through his damp hair, something he knew Jeongguk had a soft spot for. "Seokjinnie-hyung is bringing you a thermometer and then we'll get back to sleep, okay?"

Jeongguk whined weakly, voice gravelly from a combination of sleep and sickness, looking up from his pillow to gaze at his hyung pitifully. His eyes were red and glassy and tired, framed by the high spots of fever-induced color on his cheeks. Jeongguk's face screwed up, and for a horrifying second Namjoon was sure he was about to start crying. He pitched forward with a sneeze instead, following it up with a few rattling coughs. Whimpering, he reached up to hold his head in his hands as though the movement had aggravated a headache. The older man frowned and leaned over to press a kiss to his forehead before settling himself on the edge of the bed, running his hand over his dongsaeng's back in soothing strokes.

"How're you feeling, babe?"

Jeongguk just grunted and gently placed his forearm over his eyes to block out the light from the window. "Bad," he mumbled, voice still thick with sleep.

"Tell hyung what's hurting," Namjoon prompted, smoothing out the wrinkles of his maknae's shirt over his side.

Jeongguk didn't move his arm as he answered. "My head n' my body are aching. It's cold."

"I know, aghi. Anything else? Is your throat bothering you?"

The singer just slowly shook his head before once again going still, arching his back against Namjoon's touch. He could feel the younger's fever through his shirt. He was satisfied that the younger's throat wasn't hurting him, though; a hoarse voice was an idol's worst nightmare.

Jeongguk reached back with his free hand and pulled his shirt up to expose his back, reaching for Namjoon's hand to press it into his skin. "Push harder, hyung. Please," he murmured, pushing with more force against Namjoon's hand, digging it into his ribs.

Namjoon took the hint and began to massage his back with the heel of his palm; Jeongguk shivered under his touch, goosebumps breaking out over his skin. He was probably cold and skin most likely sensitive, but wanted skin-on-skin contact anyways. His skin was moist and sticky from perspiration, but Namjoon bore the discomfort and carried on.

"Does that help with the pain Jeonggukkie?"

The maknae nodded underneath his forearm, releasing Namjoon's wrist and draping his arm back around his waist. "It feels good, hyung."

Namjoon adjusted his position on the bed for a better reach, kneading the palms of his hands into Jeongguk's feverish skin, moving from his shoulders down to his calves. Jeongguk mewled under the touch, arching his back and wincing but not pushing his hyung away. He always got awful aches when he was feverish and Namjoon seemed to know just how to get rid of them. The maknae tried to keep as still as possible, pressing his forearm against his eyes hard to try and reduce the pain.

A soft knock resounded on the door before Seokjin poked his head in, frowning softly when his eyes drifted to their youngest member. Jeongguk was shivering and trying his hardest not to let small noises of pain slip through his gritted teeth as Namjoon worked against his tight, painful muscles. The skin of his face was flushed and damp with perspiration - even from across the dim room the mat-hyung could see the rivulets of sweat trailing down his neck. Namjoon turned around, hands still kneading against Jeongguk's thighs, and met Seokjin's eyes with the same concerned look.

Seokjin looked back to the maknae and closed the door behind him, walking around and dumping his handful of medical supplies on the bedside table, keeping only the thermometer.

"Oh, honey," he murmured. "You must be feeling awful. I'm sorry, jaigya." Seokjin passed his fingers through Jeongguk's damp, sleep-tousled hair.

Jeongguk peeped out from under his arm and met Seokjin's gaze. "Good morning, hyung." His voice was strained and congested and the older man winced at the sound of it. He pursed his lips and planted a kiss on the maknae's forehead.

"My Jeonggukie, always so polite. Good morning to you too, baby. Let's get you some medicine and some food so you can get back to sleep okay?"

"Okay," Jeongguk mumbled, struggling to push himself up to sit against the headboard. Namjoon immediately moved to help him up, hoisting him up by the armpits until he was comfortably upright. The younger man winced as soon as he was sitting up, grinding his palm against his eye to try and ease the headache. He obediently opened his lips for the thermometer, holding it underneath his tongue until it beeped. 101.9.

"He wasn't very bad last night at all, hyung, I was surprised when I woke up this morning," Namjoon fretted, chewing his lip.

"You and me both, Joonie. We'll fix him right up though, aghi, don't worry too much," Seokjin said, putting the thermometer down on the bedside table and unscrewing the lid to the fever reducers, shaking a few out onto his palm.

Namjoon was about to respond when Jeongguk's face screwed up again for the second time that morning. His eyes got a far-off look as they glazed over, breath hitching. His already-pink nose twitched and nostrils flared, trembling. He brought his hands up where they paused, hovering just a few inches away from his face.

"Hih..."

Jeongguk squeezed his watering eyes shut, letting out an involuntary whimper as the sneeze refused to leave his body. The singer's mouth hung open just slightly as his breathing hitched again, once, twice, three times, nostrils flared and nose twitching.

"Hih... Hh... Hih.h..! Hihtshu! Hi'tshh!" His body lurched forward as he caught the sneezes in his cupped hands. Seokjin quietly blessed him and rubbed his back. Jeongguk let out a little groan as he leaned back slowly, dropping his hands and scrunching his face up in pain. The sneezing hadn't done much to help his headache.

"Oh, baby, I know," Seokjin cooed, running his thumbs over the distressed lines in the younger's face. Namjoon hopped up from the bed and drew the blinds, engulfing the room in a pleasant darkness. Jeongguk visibly relaxed at the abscence of light, sighing and melting back into the headboard. "Here, Ggukkie, take these and drink half the glass." The older singer pressed the pills into the maknae's hand and held the glass of water he had brought along near his lips. Obediently, Jeongguk popped the pills into his mouth and drank from the cool glass of water as Seokjin put it to his lips. Surprisingly, the younger drained the whole thing - both of his hyungs were pleasantly surprised.

"Good job, babe," Namjoon praised, kissing him on the cheek and patting him gently on the head. Jeongguk made a satisfied noise low in his throat, eyes already closed and lolling down to his shoulder.

"That's my maknae," Seokjin smiled, patting the younger on the shoulder before turning to Namjoon. "I'll finish making his breakfast and leave it in the microwave. I think it's fine if you let him sleep for another few hours. Watch over him, okay?"

Namjoon fixed his eyes on the younger who was blissfully dozing by that point, head lolling down to his chest. "I will hyung."

Seokjin kissed the maknae on the top of his head before leaving the room, going to wake the rest of the members and get them to get ready as quietly as they could (if they could at all, that lively bunch...).

"C'mere, Jeonggukkie," Namjoon muttered, going around to his side of the bed and crawling under the covers, holding his arms out for the younger to crawl into. Jeongguk didn't miss a beat, drowsily slouching down and scooting over until he was wrapped up in the older's arms. He nosed forward until his warm forehead was pressed square against his hyung's cheek. Jeongguk intertwined a leg with the older man's, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close as he shivered; he must have been freezing cold. Tucking the blanket securely underneath his dongsaeng's chin, Namjoon pulled him as close as he was able. The younger's breathing was already slow and even, already asleep. Namjoon laughed silently and pressed a kiss to his forehead, letting his eyes drift shut as well.

“Saranghae.” 

There were definitely worse ways to spend the day, he thought.

[itstheoneshot]

Scenario: EXO finding out that you’re pregnant.

Part 2.

Part 1 here.

Chen:

Your day has been stressful, Jongdae had left for work before you woke up, and you took a pregnancy test when you did, which came back with a positive result.

Jongdae’s phone had been off, when you had tried to call, and then you had to go to work too.

You’re finally home, and as you arrive, you hear the sweet sound of Jongdae’s voice, echoing through your apartment. The bathroom door is slightly ajar, and the acoustics indicate that he’s in the bath.

Lucky him... You think to yourself.

You walk straight to the bathroom, and your footsteps alert him, opening his eyes as you walk in.

“My love!” He says happily.

“You didn’t call me back.” You say, irritated.

“I’m sorry, I forgot.” He says.

You’re put off by this, and decide to throw him a complete curveball as you announce your reason for phoning.

“I hope our baby likes your singing voice as much as I do.” You say.

“Aww...” He says.

You stare at him pointedly, waiting for what you said to really click, and you watch his expression shift as it does.

“Our baby?” He asks.

“Why would I call and not text?” You ask him.

Jongdae scrambles to get out of the tub, almost slipping as he jumps to grab his towel, only half drying himself before wrapping his arms around you.

You feign irritation, but that doesn’t last long, as soon Jongdae begins to talk of all the songs that he wants to teach your little one, and he asks whether he can practice singing to them now.

Xiumin:

Minseok wakes you gently, and you whine, pulling the covers up over your head.

“What’s wrong? You never want to sleep in.” He asks you gently.

“I don’t feel so good.” You groan, gripping tight to your stomach.

“What do you think it could be?” He asks.

“Seokkie, I think I’m pregnant.” You reply.

Minseok’s face turns pale, as he anxiously tries to think of what to say next, wanting to make you feel safe and cared about still.

“Do I need to take you to the doctors? What should I do?” He asks.

“No doctor, just a pregnancy test?” You ask.

Minseok kisses you, before running from your room, you hear him pick up his car keys, and the door slams as he leaves.

———

“It’s positive.” You say.

Minseok looks at you in amazement, and he sighs deeply as he closes the gap between you, and he holds you tight against his chest.

“I’m so happy, baby. Now put your feet up, rest, I’ll clean the house and cook for you. You need to be careful, okay?” He says.

Baekhyun:

“You’re in the worst mood today...” Baekhyun complains.

You throw a pillow at him across the room, from your position in bed. You’ve been throwing up, all day every day for three weeks now. Baekhyun has been busy with schedule, recordings, performances and the like, and has barely been home at all.

You took a pregnancy test after he left for work this morning, and since he has arrived home this afternoon, he has been too preoccupied to check up on you.

“I’m pregnant, Baek!” You shout.

“Wait... what?” He asks, his voice instantly softening.

“I’m pregnant.” You repeat, your tone levelling to match his.

“When... what... really?” He asks you.

You nod, and he runs to your side, instantly pulling you into his arms as he clambers onto the bed.

“I’m so sorry for getting mad at you, oh baby I am so sorry!” He cries.

You break down into tears, hormones getting the best of you already, it’s going to be a long pregnancy.

“I’m taking tomorrow off work, we need to go see a doctor! We need to make sure everything is okay! Wait, do you need anything now? Are you having cravings? What do I do!?” Baekhyun rambles, his words coming out so fast you can barely keep up.

You snuggle into him, giggling as you think to yourself that you’re so lucky to be having a child with the sweetest man.

Lay:

As the two of you drive home from the pharmacy, your nerves are comforted by Yixing’s hand on your thigh.

“It’s going to be okay.” He says.

You only nod in response, and as you pull up at your house, you are quiet as you make a beeline to the toilet, pregnancy test in hand.

Yixing waits patiently by the bathroom door, and as you exit, you see he looks nervous too.

You both stare at the test in your hand, and you watch as two red lines colour up.

“Yixi, I’m pregnant.” You whisper.

“Oh my gosh... really? Is it really true?!” He exclaims.

You hand him the test to inspect closer, and you watch his shocked expression change to the biggest smile he can muster.

“I love you, and I love you!” He says, looking into your eyes, and then down to your stomach, where your baby is beginning to grow.

Yixing walks with you over to the sofa, where you sit together, and your eldest kitty Lulu comes to sit with you.

“Ah, I hope our baby likes cats, too!” He says.

Sehun:

Your moods have gotten the best of you lately, you’ve been so sensitive and clingy, but you can’t help it. A positive pregnancy test confirmed your suspicions, but you haven’t been able to break the news to your partner yet.

“Jagi-ya, I’m going out tonight, remember?” Sehun asks you.

You’re clinging tightly to his arm, yes you do remember, but you don’t want him to go.

“Please stay home, Hunnie...” You whine.

He looks at you, puzzled, not used to you being this demanding of his attention, you’re usually so independent.

“I’m seeing Junmyeon-hyung, I haven’t seen him in weeks.” He says.

“I don’t want you to go.” You say, burying your face into his chest.

“What’s wrong, you’re never like this, what’s the matter?” He asks.

You can’t bare to look at him, too nervous to see his face, so your voice is muffled as you speak, pressed up against his shirt.

“I’m pregnant.” You say.

He gasps, and pulls you away from him so that he can look at you, and he can see that you are telling the truth.

“I... you... we’re gonna have a baby?” He asks.

“We are.” You say.

“I’m inviting Junmyeon here then!” He exclaims, before continuing in a quieter tone, “If that’s okay, is that okay?”

You chuckle as you nod your head, Sehun kisses you quickly, and you notice as tiny teardrops form in his eyes, before taking his phone out to call his best friend.

“I’m gonna be a dad!” He shouts.

D.O:

“Dinner’s ready!” Kyungsoo calls.

You enter the kitchen, and the smell of what is your favourite food, turns your stomach, to the point where you almost throw up.

Kyungsoo rushes to your side, seeing the way you cover your mouth, he is instantly concerned.

“But it’s your favourite?” He asks, his tone sad.

You can’t hide your secret anymore, you were hoping to surprise him, you had even planned for his closest friends to come by, to announce it all at once, but you can’t contain yourself.

“I’m pregnant.” You say.

He stares in silence, stunned, and you wait for a response, knowing that he is always quiet while he thinks.

“How far along?” He asks.

“Four weeks, I think.” You say.

He places a hand on your stomach, and smiles at you, your eyes well with tears as you are so happy to have your secret out in the open.

“You’re having food aversions, that’s okay, what do you want to eat? I’ll make you anything you like. I have to feed you and our little one.” He says.

You smile at him, and he kisses you softly on the lips, he then walks you to the dining table, and helps you sit down.

“You’re going to be an amazing mother.” He says.

[teeztheflag]

─────────────────────

S i e b e n  S i n n e (Seven Senses) I

⋆ pairing: catking!san x reader (x human!woo young)

⋆ genre: yandere au, fantasy au, suggestive

⋆ trigger warnings ⚠️ strong language, yanderish behaviour, possessiveness, violence

⋆ words: 6,700

part I  part II  part III

a/n: this is (obviously) inspired by The Cat Returns (Studio Ghibli) and A Whisker away (Netflix); my Halloween gift to you guys & in celebration of ateez halloween performance video the black cat nero 

⋆  „Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. There has to be a logical answer for this! For everything!“

─────────────────────

„You are really out of your mind sometimes, (y/l/n) (y/n).“ Your friend Jang Mi side-eyes you suspiciously when she drags you through the streets of Seoul.

The only thing replaying in your mind endlessly the cat you just managed to rescue from a speeding car. How she or he stood up on the hind paws like a real human being. Those intriguing eyes that judged you mercilessly first and than seeming to spotten the wound on your head. When you crashed down on the side walk with the cat in your arms shielding it from the pain that would come. It felt like the cat would’ve known and understood what you had just done and that was quite fascinating.

No, never. It didn’t understand. It’s a cat. Just a cat. And it’s not uncommon they’re able to stand like you or me. Maybe it has an owner that trained him to do so.

Anyways. You were glad you did it. You love cats and in a big town like this it was common those beautiful creatures were driven over often. Also the cat you just rescued had such a beautiful reddish fur with a cute rosy pointing nose. It behaved like a damn human with it‘s gaze and attitude though...

You chuckle at this earning you another glare from Jang Mi. „That isn’t funny! You could’ve died, (y/n)!“

„I didn’t. And that asshole that drove the car should’ve known better to not speed so carelessly in a 30 zone.“

Jang Mi rolls her eyes and groans out knowing it‘s pointless to argue with you over these things. She knows you only since two years but in this short time the two of you became the best friends someone could imagine.

„Hey, Jang Mi. You know what? I am buying you some ice cream! To get that grumpy look off your face.“ The last words you emphasize with a funny voice to which your friend laughs out and pokes her tongue at you.

„Silly girl, you always know how to get me. Oh, gosh. Your head...“ Since she’s got a better look at you now your wound is not a nice sight to take in. You absentmindedly touch where her gaze lands and frown when you see the blood on the tips of your shaking fingers.

„Don’t worry. It’s nothing...“

„Yeah, hell no. We’re getting to a pharmacy first. I don’t even understand how you didn’t notice it yourself.“

You frown again. Suddenly it actually starts to hurt and you could facepalm yourself. Sometimes your clumsiness got on your nerves because you slowly became aware of the questioning gazes on your form by the passengers on the streets.

„Come on, babes. We get you treated. Don’t want your lover boy to freak out tomorrow!“ With that she started to speed away leaving you endlessly flustered. He wasn’t your loverboy but Jang Mi was so fast you had to catch her to get revenge.

This girl...

Your head hurt but the work due tomorrow wasn’t finishing itself. Your fingers found their way so often to the wound and everytime a picture of the cat flashed your mind.

„I hope it’s ok...“

Finishing the last task you groan out and sink back into your writing chair. Crap... The chilly summer air fills your room with a comfortable silence. You loved your windows open the whole night listening to the music of the town. It was a different atmosphere than back home on your farm. There you would only hear the crickets and rustling of the trees. It took some time to adjust to the new surroundings but you managed well. Hopefully...

After getting ready for bed you snuggled yourself under the covers and listened. Thinking back to when you came back home earlier a smile crept up your face.

„Did you got beaten?“ Your mother asked you wide-eyed. You couldn’t hold back the laughter that erupted afterwards and the look on your mother’s face of misbelief. But she smiled. She heartily smiled at you when you told her the story.

„Ah, my stupid daughter. You and animals. But you know what? How people treat animals says a lot about their personality. So I am proud my (y/n) is a good girl!“ She hugged you and you laughed again. Quite cheesy but okay.

Your eyelids got heavier and you felt yourself drifting into the dreaming land. Everything was calm and you felt safe.

Drums? You’re sleeping. It’s becoming louder and it annoys you. You groan and toss around in the bed coming more to your senses. How long were you asleep already? Making a move to look on your clock only confuses you. There were no numbers or anything.

Still in a foggy state you sit up and your gaze drifts to your window where the sound seems to increase in its volume more and more.

„At this rate they will wake the whole neighborhood.“

Curiosity killed the cat so you stood up and made your way to the window. Peaking out carefully you first see nothing. The street lights are on but the houses are dark. Nobody woke up yet? Turning your head to the left and to the right repeatedly you wanted to give up but then you heard it again.

A loud drum that makes your heart beat quicken and goosebumps rising.

„Aish, what is going on?“

You suppress a scoff when you see lanterns at the end of the street emerging. A festival move at this unholy hour? Oh wait, you don’t know how late it is.

Are you dreaming? You look back to the clock and still no numbers. You are definitely dreaming. It feels so real but you managed to have a lucid dream?

Suddenly a smile brightens on your face and you take a look at your hands in front of you wondering how everything‘s so realistic. No time to think longer you run downstairs and open the gate to the street looking for the lanterns and drums.

You only register now that you’re still in your pajamas but it is a dream so who cares. The music‘s becoming louder and louder. Your eyes shine with curiosity and your hands become sweaty what might happen. Then the first persons come into sight and you gasp at the rich clothes they’re wearing.

Hanboks with the most astonishing and eye-catching colors. Beautifully handmade lanterns and flowers of all colors. But something knocks the air out of you and you take a step back. The figures leading the festival move aren’t humans... They’re cats! Cats that are seeming to walk on their hind paws. Like the one you rescued today.

What a weird dream. The move goes on and on and you register the cats sometimes peaking at you mischievously. Until it comes to a halt in front of you and you can see a cat with grayish-brown fur stepping down from a sedan chair a huge smile on it‘s face.

The cats were still much smaller than you and you felt like an idiot standing there on the streets barefoot only in your pajamas.

You shriek back scared when the cat seems to bow and all the others follow suit.

„Mrs. (y/l/n). My name is Kim Hong Joong and I come in the names of our prince Choi. Our kingdom is very thankful you rescued our young prince. In his behalf and others we want to thank you with a gift.“

„How can you speak...“

The cat named Hong Joong looks up and takes something from his back which looks like a necklace. You carefully reach for it after every cat seems to wait patiently. When your fingers touch the material the cat‘s eyes seem to glisten and the others start to meow happily.

„Ehm, eh, okay? Thank you?“ You inspected the necklace and wonder what material it was. It was very thin and almost seemed transparent. Beautiful nevertheless.

„I am so happy you accept the offer, Mrs. (y/l/n)! My prince and king will be very happy! We will pick you up tomorrow evening when your quarters are ready.“ He bowed again and all the other cats, too.

Suddenly they continue their way leaving you dumbfounded in front of your house with the necklace tingling between your fingers.

Your teacher rambled about one of her favorite musicians since probably twenty minutes leaving the whole class groaning unhappily. With a pen between your teeth and the head supported by your palm your gaze drifts out the window to the school yard.

The dream you had was so confusing. After the cats were gone you climbed back into your bed not knowing how to stop your sleep. It also worries that you are able to remember every little detail. Maybe it’s like this when you’re lucid dreaming?

„Ouch!“ You pat you the back of your head where something hit you a few seconds ago. Turning around you come face to face with no other than Woo Young himself. The boy smirks at you and you roll your eyes picking up the little note he smashed in your direction.

„What‘s with your head?“

You deeply inhale and have to suppress a laugh. Scribbling down your answer and sending it back to your classmate you watch Woo Young‘s reaction.

He wears an apologetic look and then frowns and smiles.

„Because you just hit me with the killer paper? Jokes, you should see the other guy :‘)“

Woo Young quickly writes down while looking to the teacher once in a while.

You liked Woo Young for quite a while now. His open-minded and kindhearted character let you feel butterflies in your stomach so often. While you watch the boy like a lovestruck teacher he sends a paper back to you again but this time you catch it.

Earning the attention of the whole class and also your teacher.

„Mr. Jung! Mrs. (y/l/n)!“

After detention with Woo Young and some other students you and the back walk back the way to your house. Between chattering and laughing Woo Younh suggests to buy you some strawberry milk and take a last chill at the playground in your neighborhood.

Both of you sit on a swing next to eachother while the boy‘s eyes are glue to your form every so often.

„Oh, look!“ You point up to the sunset and giggle at how nicely the colors of red and purple seem to merge.

„It’s beautiful...“ Woo Young takes a sip from his own milk and agrees while not taking his eyes off you.

„Thank you, Woo. I mean I was really angry at you earlier but you made up for it!“

„Well, it’s not by fault your skills are so bad.“ He smirks at you challenging but you just keep your comments to yourself and start to swing a little bit.

„(y/n)? Would you go on a date with me?“

You caugh out some milk and Woo Young quickly stands up to help you by holding you.

Great, how embarrassing. Sometimes you wish the ground would open and you could hid away.

„Are you okay?“

„Yes, yes to both.“ You smile and Woo Young reflectors your face expression.

„Great, I was really nervous to ask you.“ His hand caresses the nape of his neck while he helps you to stand up.

Cute.

„I will plan everything! Maybe a picnic or we could do something adventurous!“

„I trust you to find something good and if you’re not we could always just take a walk in the park.“

„Alright. Then see you tomorrow, beautiful.“ Woo Young tries to be brave and places a chaste kiss on your cheek to which your body responds immediately with butterflies in your stomach.

You try to hide your face and say goodbye to him making your way home, too, with the palms on your cheeks to cool them down. Oh god what was this boy doing to you.

„Mrs. (y/l/n). We’ve searched everywhere for you!“

What was that? You turn around to find the source of the voice but you cannot spot anyone. Did you just imagine that?

„Down here, mylady.“

„Oh my god!“ With a loud thud you stumble back and land on your butt shock evident on your face.

„Y - you... you are...“

„Kim Hong Joong, at your service.“ The cat from your dream bowed to you and landed back on his four paws to tilt his head.

„Are you okay? Did this unworthy human harassed you or something?“

„I don’t understand... How and why. I am not dreaming?“

„You aren’t. If you thought so yesterday you weren’t, too. I am a cat and you a human and we‘re having a chat right now.“ His eyes pierced you and your actions carefully but you were just so confused everything started to spin around you.

„Cat - you’re a cat. You shouldn’t be able to talk!“ Hong Joong starts to emerge your form and meows sadly when you try to rob away from him.

„Mh, well, we don’t have time. They’re already waiting so we should go.“

„Go? Where?“

„To the kingdom of cats of course.“ Hong Joong’s meows loudly and you cannot believe your eyes when about a dozen cats emerge from the bushes and jump down from the roofs.

„I am not feeling good.“ You black out when the cats seem to get you on top of them and start to speed away with a magical fast pace.

„Oh no, she’s out...“ Hong Joong sits in front of you on the train of cats and observes you quietly.

You’re out of the town and it’s noise faster than ever and pass trees and farms in the last rays of the sunshine from today. While you’re still unconscious it’s already to late to flee when the train of cats slide through the portal and enter the magical world to the kingdom of cats...

You wake up with a groan clutching to your head immediately. Slowly coming back to your sense you can feel a fluffy blanket with your fingers and you turn over to snuggle deeper into the covers and cushions. It was only a dream...

Opening your eyes carefully your breath hitches and you sit up abruptly. This can’t be real! Where are you?

„Hello?“ You stand up and wander around the room you’re in. It is definitely out of time as it looks like back in 19th century out of a royal castle. The bed is huge with gold decorations and also the furniture looks of expensive wood and materials. It seems to be evening because it’s already getting dark outside.

How long were you gone? It was evening when the cats got you and... the cats got you here. Speaking cats. Oh god, you were finally loosing your mind.

„The fucking hell...“ Is that you in the mirror? The person looks like you but... there are (y/h/c) ears on your head. Cat ears... You touch the area where your human ears should be but there are not to find.

You feel the room spinning again.

„Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. There has to be a logical answer for this! For everything!“

The door opens and you feel yourself tensing up and backing away when about three females enter the room looking just like you. But with the difference that they also wear a tail on their backs that swing around happily which makes you think they’re excited for anything.

„Oh my! The cat ears and tail suit you nicely, Mrs. (y/l/n)! You’re purrrrfect!“ The other ladies giggle and you just stand there mouth open and shocked. You point at them hastily and scared.

„Who are you! What am I doing here? Where am I?“

„Sh, sh... You’re in the Kingdom of the cats and more precisely in the castle of king and prince Choi.“

„Are you joking?“

„No, we aren’t. You’re in a magical world and are going to live every cat‘s dream! Marrying our wonderful and gorgeous cat king Choi.“ The smiles doesn’t leave their faces despite knowing how worn up you are and exhausted, too.

„I - I, who am I going to marry?”

“Mrs. (y/l/n), you’re going to marry the king of cats! Isn’t it wonderful?“

„He, ehe, I don’t know what game this is but just let me go home and - “

„No times! We have to make you presentable for meeting our king! He will absolutely fall in love with you! Your fur already looks so nice and fluffy and that tail!“

Ah, yes. Don’t listen to me. And what’s that funny thing on your back? You turn forth and back and jump away when you see the thing swinging from side to side. You carefully touch it and feel that it’s very sensitive and almost ticklish.

„I’ve never known cats could feel so much with this thing...“

„Oh, we are. But humans are just plainly dumb and think it would be funny to provoke us with the smallest things.“ The others agree with the lady that talked the most out of them and you just hum at her.

„So let‘s get you ready and the king will help you with all your questions. In the end he will be your husband soon!“ They giggled again and emerged your form to sit you down in front of a smaller mirror in the room starting to brush your hair and comb it nicely.

After a while some of them come back to the room with a few dresses and let you pick one. What else could you do right now? You weren’t convinced this all was real by but maybe that king or whatever could help you. Also the ladies seemed to be very persistent on dolling you up.

„Look! What a beautiful queen we will soon have!“ The girl named Ye Ri says and points to the mirror while the others gather around to admire their work.

Suddenly someone knocks on the door and Joy walks over to open it. You frown when you see a man standing there bowing to the girls and you.

„Mr. Kim! The Miss is ready!“

„Oh, I can see. Are you feeling better, mylady?“

„Hong Joong?“

He smiles just like he did as a cat but now he also has only the cat ears and and a tail. He was still very cute and looked happy to see you.

„Yes, it’s me. It’s nice you recognized me in this form.“

„This form? So you can change?“

„Yes, every cat is able to change its form but we rather do that in our kingdom where no humans can see us.“

„Oh, wow. So can I change, too?“

„Yes, you can. But for now it should be better for you to stay in this form. We usually are how we are right now when being in society. You will soon see yourself. For now I am here to bring you to the king.“

„Of course, the king...“

The girls usher you out to follow Hong Joong through the long corridors of the castle and you often find yourself slowing down to look at all the art hanging on the walls and peaking into one room and another.

Suddenly he halts in his tracks and motions for two guards in front of the door to open it. They’re bowing for you and Hong Joong motions for you to enter the big hall where a throne and other furniture was placed like - indeed - for a king.

You step inside and they close the doors behind you with a thud that makes you jolt nervously.

Then you see him. Black ears and a black tail that is swinging calmly from side to side while he looks out of the window. His arms are folded behind his back and he’s wearing what seems like a red king jacket with golden emblems, a white blouse and dark trousers.

He indeed looks like a king, more like a prince so because he’s so young. The king smiles to himself hearing you walking to him warily and with careful steps. He looks down into his palm where your necklace is placed and caresses the texture.

You watch him turning around and it nearly knocks the air out of your system. He’s deadly gorgeous with black hair like the night and piercing eyes that resemble cat ones so much. If this wasn’t the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen you didn’t know. Or should you say cat?

„You’re here.“

You gulp and stupidly nod at him not being able to form an accurate sentence.

„Finally. My brother didn’t lie when he said you were the purest soul and lovely human he ever layed his eyes on.“

You cannot suppress the effect he has on you and wish that hole would finally appear. Before you can look away the king emerges your now a little bit trembling form and seems to analyze everything.

You can feel him looking at your ears with such fascination. He really resembles a cat. His tail touches your dress so often and you feel like he does it on purpose but when you look up he’s still right in front of you dazed by your looks and eyes.

You should ask him now. Although he was so beautiful and mesmerizing he was still a cat and in no way you could stay here and marry a cat. A cat king. But that didn’t matter right now.

„King Choi I - “

„San. My name is San.“

He purrs at you and you could’ve drop dead at the sound. It felt almost lewd like it was his way of flirting with you and damn it he was getting you with it.

Hence you and your love for animals and especially cats! They were just too elegant and cute to resist.

„S - San, I don’t know how to say this but - why am I here?“

His eyes widen and his orbs darken at your question, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by you. Then he flashes you a dazzling smile with little fangs showing.

„We’re marrying, (y/n).“

„But - I mean, why me?“

„Because you rescued my brother, prince Jong Ho. You would’ve given your life to rescue one of us and you were lucky it was the prince himself. We take that very serious!“

„Ah, so that cat was your brother!“ He nods rapidly his eyes seeming to turn into crescents at your reaction.

„A thank you would have been ok, San. We don’t have to marry! I mean I am a human girl and you’re a cat, the king of cats to add. There will be better options for you, right? You don’t have to feel obligated or something, really!“ With every word you stutter San‘s mood seems to change from a playful into something tense.

„My love, cats only fall in love once in their life and after my brother told me about you I knew you were the right one! Also the king‘s wish is not to be declined, never.“

Your smile now also vanished from your face and you could facepalm. He didn’t want to let you go? Fine, you would find a way yourself.

„(y/n), you accepted my marriage proposal so there’s no turning back. In a week we‘re going to marry and there‘s no way out of the kingdom without my acceptance.“ He leans down and mewls into your cat ears that instantly react to the soft touch of his fingers. You tense and try to hold back from letting out any sound. He takes out the necklace of his pocket and places it around your exposed neck.

You groan unintentionally. This was the marriage proposal!

You want to talk to him longer and tell him that you wouldn’t marry him but when you smell the scent of food on the table at the end of the room your stomach has other plans.

San seems to be back to his sweet and inviting aura and glances down to you with loving eyes. „Let’s eat, love. You have to be hungry after the long journey.“ He professionally lays his arm around your waist and guides you to the table where you carefully start to dig into the delicious meals.

Thing two you loved endlessly. Food... Maybe one or two days with these expensive dishes wouldn’t be too bad? Hell, no, (y/n).

San‘s aura is calm again and he watches you with interested eyes how you’re eating everything the cooks prepared for this evening.

„From tomorrow on we will sleep together in my chambers. Today I well let you get adjusted to everything. If you want or need something Hong Joong will be your personal contact everytime.“

The slice of apple nearly slips into the false tract when he speaks about sleeping together. „I - isn‘t it too early to sleep in the same bed?“

„Don’t worry. Cats play by other rules. But I won’t touch you until we’re married. Then we will mate and I’ll take what’s mine, my beautiful (y/n).“

A sick feeling makes itself comfortable in your stomach at his words. He almost sounds possessive over you. Were cats like this? A thing you never payed attention to.

Still, there had to be a way out of here. Tomorrow you would try to leave the castle and get back to your world, as dumb as it sounded.

You were very tired and after eating San brought you back to the room you woke up earlier and left you there. As soon as he vanished out of your sight you felt like the air wasn’t suffocating you anymore.

He was charming and dazzlingly handsome but something just seems off. Fear and worry he would really not let you go crept up to you like paws with long and sharp claws.

He would understand. If he really liked you and fell in love he would let you go. That’s what you would do for the person you love, right? Let them be free and happy. Oh my, hopefully he would change his mind...

The next morning you wake up rested and stretch out to wake your still tired limbs. Instead of a yawning a long meow leaves your mouth leaving you to startle.

„Well, I have to get used to this...“ You stand up and find the bathroom to take a show having minor problems with your tail that seems to swing away everytime you try to wash it properly. It was funny how in everyone of their clothes a little hole for the tail was. You were also thankful your wardrobe didn’t only consist of dresses and changed into a pair of light trousers and a red blouse that you tucked into. The maids also arrived early to make your hair and make up which felt nice. You’ve never had anyone to make you feel so beautiful.

Being happy with your appearance you left the girls seeing Hong Joong already waiting for you in front of your door.

„Good morning, mylady! I am here to escort you to the breakfast.“

„Good morning to you, too!“ You smiled at the boy and followed suit. The room was opened with large windows where the sun peaked inside and outside you could see a big garden with many flowers and a big pond. It looked dreamingly...

„I am also admiring the view of the morning, my queen.“ Your ears twitch and you feel San coming up behind you his eyes only set on you which makes you flustered.

„You’re exaggerating, my king.“

„I am not. But maybe your right. No words can describe your beauty, (y/n).“ You giggle a little bit helpless and take a seat next to San to start the breakfast.

Then suddenly the door opens and a young man with reddish hair enters the room equally dressed to San.

„Brother!“ Jong Ho smiles spotting the two of you. The poor boy doesn’t know what tragedy he got you into.

„(y/n), my dear. Do you recognize me?“ A smile creeps up your face at the sight. The cat you rescued in it‘s other form.

„Oh my! You are him!“

„Yes, I am the cat. I am still so thankful for what you’ve done!“

„It wasn’t anything. You didn’t have to make your brother have to marry me.“ You giggle embarrassed but Jong Ho frowns at your reaction.

„Why? Nothing can be enough to thank my hero... Aren’t you happy?“ San‘s speak up before you’re able to.

„She’s a little bit overwhelmed but it will cool down after the marriage.“ He slips from his tea wearing a mischievous smile while you glare at the king. His brother suddenly smiles again being obviously relieved. That boy also seemed to be too pure for his own good...

The breakfast continued while the three of you have little chit chats with you asking more about the world and maybe getting information on how to leave from here.

San told you he had some business to do for the marriage leaving you to roam around the castle and the yards on your own. The perfect opportunity to get out of here. Your ears hang down at thought of leaving the nice people you met here but they would understand.

With the enhanced hearing and moving you were able to explore the ground and find a way to sneak out of the place through a door where no guard was.

You ran as fast as you could and after a while you emerged a little village where many cats in their original form and the other form were walking around. Meowing and talking everywhere leaving you fascinated. There was a little market where you saw a couple arguing over something and children playing around.

It was magical and beautiful. Probably more beautiful than the human world could ever be. Cats were watching you with interested eyes and you only realized you were caught when a little girl pulled at the hem of the dress of her mother pointing to you.

„Mummy, look! The lady!“ Oh no! You had to get away quickly or they would tell a guard. You turned around corners and saw the end of the village but before you could sneak out someone grabbed you by your arms and pulled you back.

It was a man with blondish ears and a loose blouse eyeing you suspiciously. „Please, let me go!“ His gaze turns down to your neck and he frowns loosening the grip around your arm.

„You’re the queen. What are you doing here? Without a guard?“

„I - I am not the queen. I have to get out of here. Of this world!“

„You sneaked out of the castle, right?“ You looked away ashamed of being caught and trembling of fear not knowing how San would react.

„Why do you want to go?“

„The king... he wants to marry me but I am here against my own will. I am a human being kidnapped into this world so please cat, have a heart and help me!“

„I think I understand and see your worry. You will adjust. I promise...“ Slowly he turned away something flashing in his eyes you couldn’t point out.

„No, please! I have a life outside of this world! My mum is alone and my friends and...“ Woo Young. It seems like the longer you were in this world the more you forgot about your own.

„Listen, mylady. I am not interested in our kingdom at all and couldn’t care less but if I help you they will probably kill me.“

„They would kill you? I thought cats wouldn’t be so cruel...“

He scoffs at you and looks around if no one is listening to you talking. „The king is merciless. If something gets in his way he...“

„I knew something about him was off... but I don’t think somebody knows that I am gone. They will probably only realize until it’s time for lunch. I have a real chance if you just told me where I can get back to the human world! I am begging you!“

The boy thinks hardly before answering. The portal was only half an hour away in one direction. If they caught him helping the queen to escape he would be so dead... but the desperate look in your eyes warmed his heart.

„For god‘s sake... you’re one persistent person.“ Yeo Sang explained how to leave the cat‘s kingdom and you didn’t wait another second to thank him quickly and speed away.

That necklace on yours would tell everyone who you were. Hopefully none other would cross your way now. He watches you running away with a frown. Good luck...

Your feet hurt by now bow after a while you emerged a forest and entered it with mindful steps. It was dark and you could hear so many things. When you stumbled over a fallen tree you landed perfectly on the ground on all fours and suppressed a laugh. Wow, that was really helpful. You stood up and went deeper and deeper into the woods until you saw something glistening and shining on a meadow.

That had to be the portal!

You run over the grass and stopped in front of it. Holding your hand out you reached for the light but before you can take a step forward something crashes into your side forcefully.

„I have her!“ You try to struggle out of the grip and a hiss leaves your mouth sounding like a very pissed of cat. Soon other person are coming and you can see black ears between them definitely belonging to the one you’re running from.

„Great work, men! Especially you, Min Gi!“

„Ah, thank you mylord!“ The men stands up and quickly other guards are taking your wrists and holding you up. You can see Hong Joong looking concerned at you while San seems to be something between amused and pissed off at the same time. Knowing you failed fear rushes through your system what would happen to you know. San comes up and stands in front of you to let his tail embrace your waist and push you forward to him. He takes your face in his hands and brushes your cheeks with his palms.

„I was so afraid. You seem to have lost your way, my little clumsy kitten.“ He sounded so honest everyone cooed at the two of you but you just gulped and didn’t loose the eye contact with the cat king.

„I am sorry, my king. I am really clumsy. Always been.“ He smiles sickenly sweet down to you and places a long and possessive kiss on your forehead. „And then someone tells you the wrong way, too. Tsk, tsk. There are bad cats out there, (y/n). But we will take care of those that are trying to hurt my beloved ones. I promise you.“

It feels like all colors leaves your face at the thought of the cat that helped against all his concerns.

„Please don’t hurt him.“ San ignored your pleading and takes you into his arms to guide you back to a carriage his tail not leaving your waist any second. Suddenly breathing feels suffocating again.

Back at the castle San enters his chambers with you still by his site and he emerges his king sized bed where he sits you down. He positions his hands on his waist and his ears twitch in annoyance. „I will torture that boy to calm my anger, (y/n). If you try to escape again he’s dead.“ His eyes are dark and you feel your eyes watering at his words.

„My king, please! I won’t try to escape again! I promise! Just don’t hurt him!“ You’re begging him and move to sit down on your knees in front of him but he just scuffs and moves away so your tail cannot long encircle around his legs.

„You should’ve thought about that before you ran so quickly away from my side. I will see you at dinner.“ You were hiccuping and crying for him but the merciless king locked his chambers and made his way to the dungeons. No one got into his way and he always got what he wanted. Yeo Sang knew about that and helped you anyways... What now? You were so close... You curled up on the bed calming down from the crying. How could you get out of this? How long would you still be able to remember your home? Your mum and Jang Mi... and Woo Young. He asked you on a date, right? Would’ve been it today?

„Gosh, Woo Young... Mum. Jang Mi. I am so sorry.“

It had been days you were missing. Woo Young sat on the swing his eyes glued to the sand in front of him. You sat next to him. Right there. You were here. Why did you leave? Did someone take you?

„Shit, (y/l/n) (y/n). Where the heck are you!“

„Problems in paradise?“

Woo Young slowly looks up to see a young man leaning casually against one of the playground furniture. He’s wearing a black hanbok looking very mysterious but he wasn’t much older than the boy himself. A small mobile stand is next to him adorned by many masks of all colors and forms.

„Who are you?“

The young man opens his eyes and tilts his head to the side grinning from ear to ear. „I am the one to help those in need.“

Woo Young scuffs and stands up to leave the playground.

„I know where (y/n) is. Well, more where she’s being hold.“

Woo Young feels a shudder going down his spine and rage rushing through him. He turns around and emerged the man with quick steps to take him by the hem of his hanbok. „You asshole! What have you done to her?“ He hisses out through grilled teeth feeling only more provoked by the latter.

„Hey, friend. Calm down. I have nothing to do with her missing.“ He carefully reaches for Woo Young‘s hand and takes it down.

„There you go. I can help you friend. Only if you are willing to do everything of course...“

„You - why would I trust you?“ Suddenly the man‘s gaze darkens and he chuckles deeply.

„I am your only chance to get her back.“ Woo Young thinks for a second. There were no signs of your leaving and no one has seen something... Maybe it was his only option to take the opportunity.

„Who are you and where is she?“

The smiles is back on the mans face and he takes a mask from his stand to hold it in front of his face and down again. „They call me by Seong Hwa. I am the one that you can also find by the ‚mask seller‘.“

„Daeng, I should’ve know you just want to sell something!“

„Hold up, Woo Young. Why would I know of her and your name? Why would I know you were the last one that saw here and asked her out on a date?“

„That‘s not possible... How can you?“

„I know many things. And I also know where your dear (y/n) has been taken to.“

„Okay, this definitely doesn’t make any sense but let’s play your game. Where is she and how can I get to her?“

„She’s far away. Very far away. In a world we also call the kingdom of cats. And... you can only enter it when you’re a cat yourself.“

„Tsk, and how do I become a cat?“

„It’s easy. This mask can turn you into cat. I will sell it to you and will show you the way. The rest you will have to do yourself.“

„How much?“ Seong Hwa‘s eyes widen. He wouldn’t have thought Woo Young would agree so easily.

„We will talk about the price after you rescued your princess, how about that?“

„Alright.“ With that Seong Hwa hands the mask over to the young boy and motions for him to wear it. When nothing happens Seong Hwa chuckles and pushes the boy so that he does a role and - to all surprises - changes into a small cat. „How magical, right?“ Seong Hwa chuckles darkly and tilts his head in amusement.

─────────────────────

↺ back to navi

─────────────────────

[bsbloglife]

September 23, 2021…tomorrow I leave my family for 3 weeks, to care for my parents back home. I’m nervous, scared, excited, sad, relieved, and so many other emotions that I cannot begin to name off because my mind is a jumbled mess. I’m looking forward to finally seeing my parents after a little over two years, but so heartbroken to leave my children and husband behind. I do have a sense of relief that now I’ll finally be able to take care of the issues regarding my parents’ needs.

I take off from Orlando in the early afternoon, to arrive in Toronto a few hours later, only to wait for 3+ hrs before my flight to Montreal. My sister-in-law will be coming to the airport to pick me up, then we’ll be heading over to the hotel where my parents have been holed up for over 4 and a half months. My parents don’t know I’ll be arriving tomorrow, but the caregiver is aware. She’ll be waiting for my call to say that I’ve arrived and that I’m on the way. In fact, I’ll be the one caring for my parents the first weekend that I arrive. My father is the one who needs the most help, hopefully he’ll be ok with me cleaning him up when he needs it. This will be interesting! Maybe he won’t recognize me and think that I’m another caregiver. I’m laughing at the thought, but it’s painful to think he won’t remember me. We’ll soon find out. Tomorrow this time I’ll be at the hotel with my parents.

In fact, tomorrow almost didn’t happen. I received a call today from my son’s middle school and as soon as I saw that name pop up on my phone at 1:15pm, I knew it wasn’t going to be a good call. When I answered the phone I waited a few seconds, hoping that maybe it was one of those automated calls from the principal. After a few seconds when I didn’t hear that automated voice come on, I knew something was wrong, so I said “hello?”, to which the school nurse proceeded to tell me her name and that she was calling about my son. I’m sure my response, “oh no, this is not good”, confused her a little bit, which I sensed from her hesitation to continue on. I said that for a few reasons; 1 - she’d only be calling me if something bad happened, 2 - I was leaving for Canada the next day, this seriously cannot be happening, and 3 - what if he has Covid?? I would have to reschedule my trip. I think other things popped in my mind, but right now I can’t remember what they were. She then said he was not feeling well; sore throat, chills, headache, but no fever. I told her I’d be there within 10 minutes. When I got to the school he looked ill, with those glassy eyes and sad face, trying to pull his arms into his shirt because he was getting chilly. I carried his bag and we headed to the car. He told me that he was sorry to put pressure on me because he knew that I had to leave tomorrow. I told him that I believed everything happened for a reason and maybe it wasn’t meant for me to go. My first thought was having to reschedule my trip, because if he had Covid I didn’t want to bring it home to my parents. Then I thought that I would need to get him tested, just to be sure. If he was positive, then I would reschedule the trip. If he was negative, then I would continue as planned. Stupid me, I thought that picking up a Covid Home testing kit would be easy. Just go to the closest pharmacy. Little did I know that these testing kits were like hot cakes and everybody wanted them! There were no Covid testing kits to be found…anywhere!!! My very good friend Bri helped me find one of the last remaining kits in town, after she searched and searched and searched, even going to the closest Walmart by her place to pick up a kit which was supposedly in stock. Only to find out that she missed the last kit by a few minutes! She drove with me to the only pharmacy in town with a kit. You know, that’s a real friend. You find out who your real friends are when they inconvenience themselves to help you, but they truly don’t think they are going out of their way. They are helping you because they genuinely care, when anyone else would be telling you, “good luck finding a kit”, instead she said, “let me get dressed and go to my Walmart that says they have them in stock. I’ll pick it up for you then meet you.” I mean, seriously?!?! Then she drove across town with me to get that last remaining kit, which she found after calling several pharmacies in town, and then begging them to hold it for her. I’ll never forget her kindness. I’m sure she had other things to do than to spend hours searching for a rapid Covid testing kit for my son. What was really beautiful, was that she never made it seem like a hassle. She made it seem that she actually enjoyed helping me. I cherish this girl! (Btw, my son was negative, thankfully!!)

Speaking of kindness, when I texted my cousins back home to tell them that I was coming, they offered me their homes to stay in, they offered me cars to drive, they offered me support in any way that I needed it. My one cousin offered me his daughter’s car, only with her permission of course. I told him that I didn’t mind driving his Maserati, just in case she didn’t want me to drive her Mini Cooper. I still haven’t heard back from him regarding this…. Walter? Hello?? My cousin Nadia was there for me that weekend when I decided to resign, because I needed to talk to someone about my decision to leave my career to care for my parents. She understood my pain. She too worked very hard for her career. She listened, offered her advice and helped me decide that the right thing to do would be to follow my heart. My heart wanted to be there for my parents. If I didn’t follow my heart, my conscience would never be clear and I would be useless to my family. I’ll never forget my cousin Alain and how he took care of my parents needs the day after the fire. He went to the house and dealt with the insurance people and helped my parents navigate the first few days of this terrible event. He was my savior, and theirs too. These kindnesses will never be forgotten.

My best friends back home Tina and Karen, offering me clothing, food, a place to stay. Even offering me their time when painting, decluttering and whatever else I’ll need to get done at the house. I cannot do anything without their support…without all of my friends and families support. My sister-in-law Anna will be there for me when I first arrive and each and every day that I am there. She lives just down the street from my parents place and has often been the one that my mom has called when they needed help. I cannot repay any of these people for their goodness, kindness, love and support. I can only hope that someday I am able to provide them with the same.

Here at home, one of my best friend’s has changed her whole schedule at work to accommodate taking care of my son every morning while I’m away. She rearranged her life for mine. She has literally become the family that I don’t have that lives just down the street. You know what I mean, that family member that lives close by that cares for your kids because you don’t have anyone else?? She literally rearranged her entire life to help me. I cannot thank Lisa and her son CJ enough for caring for my son like he is their family. She spoils him like she does her own sons. I told her to back off a little, because I didn’t want my son to like her more than her likes me. She laughed and said that wasn’t possible, because all my son did was talk about me. He better, good boy!

Speaking of family, tomorrow morning our friends, who we call family and in fact made them godparents to our son, will be driving me to the airport. I feel bad for Pat and Kelly, because they’ll be hearing me cry as we drive away after I say goodbye to my husband and children. I know those painful cries won’t be easy to handle. They’ll be seeing me off at the airport, which I know won’t be easy, because this will mean that I’m really leaving.

Honestly though, I really couldn’t do any of this without my family’s support, especially my husband. If he didn’t have my back, supporting my decision, and taking on most of the responsibilities with me gone for three weeks, then none of this would be possible. He has supported me financially, emotionally and spiritually. Without him I couldn’t do this. Without my children helping me by not begging me to stay, I am able to go. They have cried, they have told me they didn’t want me to go, but they haven’t forced me in a corner where the guilt of their pain would make me stay. I couldn’t do it without their support. My daughter stepping up to the plate by being me for the next three weeks, picking up my son from school, making sure he gets fed and taken to his activities.

Part of me thinks that I’m being such a big baby about this. I should just shut my mouth, stop the crying and just face this head on without fear. I want to, I really do. I feel ashamed that I can’t handle this with the grace and dignity that I know most people in my position would have. I try to have the courage and strength that I need to go forward, but the fear of the unknown has me scared. I’m afraid of leaving my family, what if something happens. It won’t be easy for me to come back home. I have to get a flight. I have to get Covid tested, which takes a day or two. I can’t just jump on a plane and come back. I’m scared I won’t be here if I’m needed. I try to get those things out of my head. I try to have relief knowing that I cannot control things out of my control, I have to let whatever may be just be. Then go from there. I know that this needs to be done and now I’ll finally be doing what I set out to do when I resigned from my career. This is the decision I made, now I will continue on with this journey.

Onward and upward!