#i seriously cannot stress this enough like. if we are mutuals... you are my friend.

[shdwtouch]

also fr, yall are ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS welcome to come ramble to me about your muses, your special interest, au ideas you have... I'm here for it all. I'm happy to be a sounding board, to be your rubber duck, or to provide feedback. like, I try to engage but even if I struggle to do so I will always make sure to reassure you that I'm interested and listening ♡ you are seriously NEVER bothering me. never ever. I may be slow, and I may tell you I'm distracted / not able to focus, but I always end up reading your messages and I DO care, truly.

literally all I would ask is that you give me some context before diving in, otherwise I may be a bit confused and have trouble tracking XD my pro-tip would be to be like "hey can I talk about xyz ?" or "hey I need to talk about xyz". but you don't need to ask for my permission, our friendship is your permission.

[tomatoluvr69]

Helene floods diary/blog entry 10/11/2024.

Mentions of severe disaster, death/child death, burials/funerals, and of course a splash of deep illness and ed. TLDR it’s very very hard here but I’m more or less ok.

Hi everyone :-)

Greetings from [Appalachian town absolutely shattered by Hurricane Helene floods]. Slowly crawling my way out of the indescribable wreckage. No idea when I’ll be back to work, but received word that every one of my students survived the storm, which is a huge, profound relief. I’ve changed my post-storm efforts from direct mutual aid stuff to burial. Lowered a stranger into her grave and then filled it in manually. No family could be present. There are more next week. Every single day is so hard. Drove with a friend who lives in [one of the hardest hit towns— this place is GONE.] to mourn and get some supplies— he was stranded in his home without information or ability to cook hot meals for over a week. I used to live on the outskirts of that town— I really cannot sum into words how disturbing it is to the core of a person to see places you know so well in utter, severe destruction, soldiers crawling throughout. It’s like trying to describe the color purple to a worm or something. These floods have changed me. Yesterday I went to drop off a load of hazard protection gear in Marshall, NC, where signs read, “WARNING: MUD IS TOXIC. May cause: Disease, Fatigue, Dysentery, Headaches, Lung Infections, Staph Infections. Please Decontaminate Before Going To Kitchen Or Eating.” And on our way back home through downtown (google the downtown, seriously. These are places I went in the before times, visiting with friends, buying groceries, going to friends’ gigs at a now-obliterated bar called Mal’s) we forgot to roll the windows up, until a cloud of dust hit our eyes and lungs. Feeling okay so far, but god only knows.

But my work at the ecoburial sanctuary feels like a respite. There are just a couple people at each burial, proxies for the decedent’s loved ones who can’t come in because of the severely damaged infrastructure and lack of places to stay. The entire city has been without water for over two weeks now. Power is an unreliable commodity, as is internet and phone service. I feel honored to have this opportunity, and grateful for a way to be useful— I was struggling with the executive functioning necessary to carry out my supply runs, to budget the donations and read the lists, then sort and organize drop offs. My brain is genuinely impaired from what I’ve seen. But I see the community at work and trust the people in my network to continue that work. To lower caskets and shovel earth feels better. On Wednesday, the day of my first burial, I went the entire day without the gaping, gnawing dread, sorrow, fear, and stress that’s been my constant companion.

There are learning centers cropping up around the city, schools still being out indefinitely, and the school I work for will likely establish one over the next few weeks in an outlying town that gains water service— likely a few makeshift classrooms in a disused church or fire hall, something like that. And I’ll rejoin as soon as I can, many of the staff having young children they’ve had to evacuate. I work at the elementary level, and I miss my students, I want to provide the stability of a familiar face, but I also sort of can’t fathom returning to work. To bury people is wordless, your body knows what to do. There is no thought required. I can let the boundless grief and sorrow pool within me, and ease it with every thrust of the shovel. It’s getting cool here in the mountains, but the days are still warm enough— crisp October skies, autumn foliage, all that stuff. A gorgeous time to be buried. I would do it every day for a year if I could. But life here is making awkward, creaking lurches towards normalcy, and schools are vital. So I’m soaking in this strange, sacred interlude while I can, laying a stranger’s flood-bloated remains to rest, lowering my head to the mourner’s Kaddish or Nicene creed, grieving tremendously.

Furthermore, the outpouring of support is drying up. You see disaster relief convoys leaving, meal distros shuttering, October rent coming due in full. You get screamed at in traffic, your roommate’s car gets rear-ended by an internet cable repair truck, in the midst of his mourning a family of four. Now comes phase two: the community is still shattered, but you’re expected to function as normal. And you cannot even shower or defecate at home. No one cares anymore what’s happening to Western NC/Eastern TN, and I understand, as I understood when a mass shooting killed 11 at a synagogue three blocks from my childhood home while I was away in NC, as I understand with guilt each time a distant tragedy lands and is forgotten— no one has the bandwidth for everything. It’s simply not possible. But it is surreal to stumble around a shattered world and know that you’re in an island. I already have given up trying to relay what things are like to people outside Helene. Maybe one day. But there aren’t really words for such a visceral trauma. The things I’ve seen will be with me, cluttering my dreams and thoughts, until I die myself. I’m uninterested in making myself heard. I’m alright and I’m not. What I can do for right now is try to feed myself and my community, try to make sure I visit a toilet at least every other day, and show up to the graveyard. I really will be okay. But it’s so surreal, and terrible. Please, for the love of god, if you can help it, never ever live next to a river, and don’t cross floodwaters. The homes, the family members, and the friends people here have lost. It’s unfathomable. I’m gonna try to track down a shower today. All you can really do is move forward. I feel like I’ve finally passed the stage where I was catatonic for hours at a time, which feels nice. I’ve been there before even pre-flood, but it’s so much harder to crawl back from when the things you need, like hygiene, sleep, routine, hydration, and healthy foods are all intermittently accessible and tremendously hard to acquire. But I’m trying now, which is something; I have the goal of two meals a day, two jugs potable water, two showers a week. I’m doing okay again. I’m in financial ruin, it’s really fucking hard. And my ED troubles are back with a vengeance— again, all the measures I have to combat this stuff are prohibitively difficult. I may have to finally cave and go to a grocery distro myself, just to get some healthy foods. Even though grocery stores are open, I am genuinely too traumatized to handle them right now. When im not proactive, which is often, im freezing cold and faint, hyperconvinced all foods are poison. There are times when I could get a hot meal at one of the distribution sites but I cannot eat it because of how triggering and uncertain it feels.

So it’s hard to take care of myself. But I don’t know that layering my trauma of my involuntary hospitalization from my teenage years over my flood trauma and food trauma is possible. And even then there’s no real way to get help right now. All the health centers are either closed or booked out indefinitely. So what, I’m gonna drive to Charlotte for care? Or get telehealth when there’s no place to even do a video call? It is what it is but hey, it’s not great. But I’m ok. Got some fruit and bread, made some rice. I have to remind myself I’m very sick, of course I can struggle with this flood more than, say, my well roommate out chainsawing roads in Swannanoa every day. But every meal really is such a struggle. I got a banana outside a church earlier while I was trying to find a water truck and now my next task is get some dinner. A normal person in my circumstances would be fully equipped to eat healthily by this point, we can refrigerate and cook now. But I’m unwell and it’s hard. But maybe I will let my friend pick up some stuff soon, some bananas and tofu and milk. It’s also hard because we have to use our extremely hard-gotten potable water to wash cooking dishes, so it’s hard to like batch cook a huge batch of dal which is what I usually do when I’m struggling to feed myself, because it means having to do another big water run a lot sooner. But this is a chronic condition and I know its contours, I’ll be ok, even though it’s severely challenging. I have got to work on invalidating myself less, and telling myself my chronic condition isn’t worthy of aid. But the guilt is too overpowering to take advantage of it. So many people lost their entire homes. And even though I’m in dire straits financially and have invisible disabilities and illnesses, I still can’t let myself receive help. But I have hard days and easier ones and if I’m proactive I know how to turn them into easier days. It’s just hard. It’s so much easier to lie in my bed and watch the light on the wall shift for hours. So I fall into that trap sometimes. Especially now that temperatures are falling into the forties and fifties at times, and my window got shattered, and I can’t eat so I’m cold all the time, it’s just so much more comfortable to lie in bed and then I get trapped lol.

All that sounds very grim but really, I’m okay. Part of me still really acutely yearns to get out of WNC for awhile but I don’t think I could be cut off from my community right now, and the closest person in my life is enduring tremendous grief (four people, drowned! Two boys under ten! Bodies found all the way in Tennessee!) and I cannot conscionably leave him, even if I’m struggling to manage my illness here, even if he’d urge me to go, I wouldn’t want that. We tried for a couple days in Durham and it was profoundly terrible in its own way.

So I’ll go back to the cemetery, and then I’ll go back to work at school, whenever that may be. And one day the shower and the toilet will be back, and the grocery stores will have safe foods I can eat. And I’m very acutely aware of all the people, especially in Gaza and Sudan and displaced by imperial interests from which I benefit, who will not regain that stability— my disaster is, at least, the whim of nature, theirs is manmade. I’ve been carrying the trauma of destruction & feeling grief for Gaza in an even deeper way. WNC will pull through, if deeply scarred— i at least have that consolation. It almost feels as if I’ve endured nothing at all. I’m incredibly aware that the water truck I can go to is provided by the same government bankrolling unfathomable death and despair of people in an even more brutally shattered world. The scale of trauma is just beyond imagination. My fury has only increased.

I hope everyone on here is well— I’ve really loved having this space over the past few years, it is such a tremendous mental respite even in antediluvian times, and I am anxiously awaiting having power and internet restored so I can regain that sense of normalcy as well. I fucking miss scrolling, yall. I’m at a Buddhist monk’s house to download some forms I have to fill out and wanted to blog a bit. Please everyone have a really nice hot shower for me and watch a good movie, have a glass of wine with a hot dinner. And give a few bucks to relief efforts in Gaza. WNC will rebuild, Gaza cannot. Much love, your favorite natural disaster survivor ❤️

[willinglyghoulified]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the Last 10 people Who reblogged something from you. Learn about your mutuals and followers. 🎠 But only if you want to, just have fun! 💖💖

Awe thank you!~ I love this sm! Answers are gonna get long-winded though T_T

5 Things That Make Me Happy:

Positive Feedback - has to be on the top of my list because this absolutely does breathe life into me. I started writing in the first place to make people happy. I do it because I love it and I want to share that love with others. I want to be the writer that makes people look forward to getting off work to read that new chapter or the reason they stayed up a little too late because they just had to know what happened next. I want my stories to be someone else's escape. And maybe one day, I'll be on their bookshelves, too. ♥

Genuine Friendships - they're so important to me. I'm someone who has very few friends and even fewer family, so if you're close to me, it means something. I'm all about chosen family, and it often reflects in my writing (one of my fav main characters has a tendency to adopt lonely misfits). With my friends, we're either just acquaintances or you're my goddamn sibling, there's really no in between, which is both a good and a bad quality trait.

Fucking Fallout - because it's the most immersive game I've ever played. I know a lot of the games get some hate throughout the fandom, but I genuinely love every installment that they come up with, because it continues the story. Even with all its flaws, I love all of 1, 2, 3, 4, NV, and 76. I'm more partial to 4 because I relate more to their characters, but NV had the superior storyline. ♥ I literally cannot get this game or these characters out of my head.

BTS - Okay hear me out on this one: I know BTS is a stereotypical K-Pop band, but I seriously love them as people. I don't like K-Pop normally, as a genre. I listened to "emo music" growing up (I was born in 1993 so the 2000s was where my favorite music really lied). I was also a troubled kid and I brought a lot of those insecurities and trauma to my adulthood, and my old bands just wasn't doing it anymore. The memories of teen angst mostly stressed me out. But then I found BTS, and their music and messages helped me SO MUCH as a young adult, well into later adulthood (I'm 29 now). I absolutely love them, and they make me happy with their genuine care and messages. Those 7 boys are some of my biggest inspirations in life, reminding me that I can do anything if I try hard enough. But you will NEVER catch me mixing my love for BTS with the Fallout stuff on this blog. I've noticed that liking K-Pop is a quick way to catch hate, so I keep my obsession with them to myself. I'm okay with that; I've done it for the last six years.

My Husband - as cheesy as it is to say, I have the best husband I could have asked for. STORY TIME: I met him in Kindergarten, and he was always getting me in trouble by making me laugh and the teacher kept telling us to be quiet. She had to separate us. I had a crush on him in 2nd grade. Then we didn't see each other again until middle school. We had gym class together in 6th grade. In 8th grade, we became best friends. He dated a friend of ours in 9th, and I thought that would help me get rid of the feelings I had for him because I was terrified I'd ruin our friendship if I made a move. It didn't work out between him and our friend, but he told me in 10th grade that he liked me a lot, and we really understood each other. (Honestly it "helped" that we both came from troubled/broken families and were both below poverty level.) When we got together, we were each other's first EVERYTHING. We were together all throughout high school with no complications, and our peers deemed us worthy of being prom king and queen in 12th grade even though we were the nerds who oftentimes got bullied. It was so surreal. We moved in together after high school. We went through a loooooot of bullshit. Being kicked out of houses, losing jobs, losing family members (deaths and otherwise) and we're pretty much inseparable now. We've been together for 14 years. He's supportive in everything I do, even if he doesn't always understand my obsessions. He believes in me. He knows I'm not going to thank him for doing the bare minimum (respecting me, listening to me, helping me, not expecting me to mother him, etc). He genuinely fucking loves me. And he's pretty damn handsome and funny, too. Icing on the cake. And after losing all the people that we have over the years, we're pretty much all that we've got left. But I wouldn't choose to live this life with anyone else.

[motownfiction]

so, 2023 ...

2023. the first full year i operated this blog. the year it turned one. the year i began my dissertation work. the year i cannot wait to see fade into the distance.

this has been the worst year of my life.

i'm a bit hesitant to say that because i know myself. something ridiculous will happen in the future, and i'll go, "man, remember how much better it was in 2023, when i taught intro to entertainment, and i had that cute apartment in midwestern city? those were the days."

but at the same time, i don't think i'll ever quite forget how awful this year was.

sure, there were some good things. @pelopides and i started weekly movie nights, which we have to get back to once the holidays are over. i finally met one of my longest-running mutuals for the world's best brunch. i taught some cool classes and met some cool students. i was fortunate enough to visit home a lot. but for as many good things that happened, the bad ones really outweighed them. i don't want to go into too much detail, but the main thing is that i had a noncancerous hormonal brain tumor that went undiagnosed until september. also, my best friend of seven years ghosted me with no signs of resurface. i spent a lot of 2023 staring at my laptop screen, mindlessly watching television, waiting for the next day.

i don't remember a lot of it.

seriously. it's hard for me to admit that, as someone whose memory is very sharp. but i was in such a state of constant stress and worry that i don't remember the things i said i loved. ask anyone -- this spring and summer, i loved watching dynasty (the cw version). i talked about how funny it was all the time. but i remember almost nothing that happened in it. every second was padded with fear as i waited for one shoe to drop ... then the other.

i also don't remember a lot of what i wrote on this blog. i know i wrote a lot in the winter (and way, way less in the summer and fall than i ever would have hoped), but i don't remember a lot of it. i have a retrospective coming at you soon. it was hard to create because of how little i remembered and because i hated revisiting some months and days in the archive. but i found some good ones!

this post -- this year, really -- indeed has a pleasant ending. my physical health has improved, which means my mental health has improved. i can focus more on what matters because my hormone imbalance is corrected. i don't feel as weird about being happy, and i can stay happy for a lot longer than i could for most of 2023.

and it is on that note -- happy -- that i truly do wish this blog a happy new year. and happy new year to you, too! thanks for sticking around what was evidently a strange year for me. your asks, likes, and reblogs mean a lot, and they will mean a lot more now that i am feeling more like the "me" i have always been.

forward.

[resmarted]

i've had an ex hack into my internet and turn off the service on valentine's day for not calling or texting

then had the dork at customer service laugh at me and tell me that was cute and they were just trying to get my attention

this type of shit has been so downplayed and normalized my entire life

my privacy has been constantly invaded for so long now i can't even fathom not being under surveillance by the cringiest nails on chalkboard personalities you've ever had the misfortune of encountering. why do you think i blog everything? here it is bitch, everything i ate for dinner so you can take your little notes.

stalking is never taken seriously, especially by cops. those good for nothing motherfuckers dont even take reports and wonder why we prefer them killed than playing pretend sheriff on the streets

i regularly have exes of other people that like or show interest in me hack into my shit attempting to buffalo bill my entire life in some sick attempt to become me so they can keep the attention of the person they are losing. surprise! it doesn't work! you push that person so much further away than had you just attempted to be normal and not some demented manipulative reject

i don't even like that person half the time like you can have them why am i getting dragged into YOUR shit this should be between you and your therapist

i have shit deleted from my notes app and other various material regularly deleted and have to rely on a photographic memory half the time bc people are so sick and weird in their efforts to sabatoge me

i don't care if you think i am dramatic or self-obsessed or delusional! i literally do not care if you live or die. i give zero fucks what you think at all.

i am genuinely nice and nonjudgmental to like an overly generous extent that invites predators to take advantage of my kindness and wonder why i leave them for dead when they cross a line

i hate this version of me provoked! i hate having to resort to turning into this ruthless fucking bitch. it's like, you're the reason we can't have nice things.

specifically to the person actively doing this shit right now: you talk shit about everyone the moment they're not in the room, try to sabotage people to make yourself look better (newsflash: it doesn't work you still look like a psycho loser), and then you cry like a little bitch when you're called out and don't understand why people can't be kind~* to you

you better pray to your god that i don't say your name and blast it across all of our mutual friends you absolute fucking lunatic please stop testing me i promise you this will not end well for you

this is me being kind btw. me not telling everyone what an insane fucking dweeb you have been to me for the last two years is me being extremely kind and generous and thoughtful toward you, which you don't deserve.

i cannot stress enough. do not keep fucking with me. i will not attend your suicide funeral.

[darkacademicfrom2021]

SERIES REC LIST

Or Loki and TH series I loved.

It has come to my attention that I have a list of absolute favourite series in here and I think it's never too much to keep sharing them with my mutuals in case you don't know some of them.

This list is 1) non exhaustive 2) not in order of which one I liked the most because I love them all for different reasons 3) the main reasons vary but I think they're all absolutely amazing and if they made it to the list is because I've felt too many things reading them 4) they're all either Loki or Tom Hiddleston

Firstly, we have @divine-library / @divine-mistake 's Loki series, "The cracks in our reality". Anyone who follows me knows how much I adore this series, especially because of the magnificent writing. I also recommend her drabbles, I've even translated one to Spanish. This is an enemies to lovers, extremely slow burn, Loki is written AMAZINGLY, and I related way, way too much to Rabbit even when I am nothing like her (which says a lot about the composition of the characters, too). You cannot miss this series, I insist.

I've recently read "Shatter this glass and set me free", by @shiningloki and I cannot BELIEVE I haven't come across this writer before. I'm baffled. There are many other works that I haven't read yet, but this one was enough to win my heart and admiration. An element bender forms a relationship with Loki, who is imprisoned on the Avengers Tower. It eventually has smut, and their whole relationship is so, so sweet.

Virtual Strangers by @lov3nerdstuff is, and I cannot stress this enough, IMMACULATE. Tom Hiddleston x reader, with so much Shakespeare. If you're a burned out gifted kid you'll love this one. Also, the TENSION. They fall in love through texts and you don't know it's him until you meet him. And it's so sweet and you feel an overall sense of kindness towards the world after reading it, it's amazing.

Are you a nerd and a hopeless romantic? Good! Me too! And @lucywrites02 's "From the bottom of my heart" is just perfect for us, then. It's about a scientist that works on the wonders of love as a chemical mystery, but that's never been actually in love. It's a slow burn friends to lovers with Loki, and it's gonna make you scream out of adorableness just in 2 chapters.

Dont mess with cats by @the-emo-asgardian is Loki x reader, and Loki is a black cat for the entire series. It has mystery, Frostiron friendship, and following clues like Sherlock. Do you need more convincing? I don't think so. No, seriously, I read it while the chapters were still updating and it was my favourite moment of the week. I had to make a cup of coffee and sit on the couch, it was a whole experience.

Texts with Tom Hiddleston and Texts with Loki, both from @lindsey-laufeyson. The one with TH includes both text and writing format and it's ✨immaculate✨. Both are NSFW. They're both different, the Tom Hiddleston one is much more fluffy with a bit of angst, and the Loki one is just pure sass and smut.

A Dutiful Disaster by @cake-writes is an impeccably written enemies to lovers with a royal AU and arranged marriage. The (fem!)reader is a princess forced to marry her childhood "enemy", Loki. It has banter, TENSION (believe me when I tell you it leaves you holding your breath) and hate-sex. Super recommended.

I will be adding more, and everytime I add something I'll reblog it, so stay tuned if you're interested!

Taglist: @lucywrites02 , @louieboo87 @the-departed-potato , @jesuswasnotawhiteman , @idontknow296 , @beksib , @spythoschei , @geekwritersworld , @whatafuckingdumbass , @mysticunicorn7 @shadowolf993 , @joscelyn02 , @t00-pi , @selfship-mishaps , @sallymagnoliaposts , @deadgirl88 , @theonewiththenerds , @vicmc624 , @spiderlaufeyson @theaudacitytowrite @bi-andready-tocry @alorev @justasmisunderstoodasloki @i-beg-your-pardon-laufeyson @theetoastyghosty @lokiprompts @sarahpaq08 @lostgreekgod

[pearl-blue-musings]

Hi, can I order a steak (medium well) along with some mashed potatoes and broccoli (for two me and Ejirou Kirishima) thanks in advance 😌✨

You’ve got it darling!

For the record this is the last request with a third year au the next one will be college!

And again, 18+ only I cannot stress this enough

Warnings: some blood, oral female receiving, teasing, some nipple play, finger sucking and I got carried away AGAIN

Enjoy your meal!

You hadn’t meant to overhear the conversation in the common room that late, but you had. Those words that you never wanted to confirm were heard on full blast. Some of your classmates had opted to do some Saturday night shenanigans while you had wanted to study and prepare for your internship the next day. You were in line to be a sidekick with Mirko, considering your quirk was similar to hers. You had strolled down to get a quick glass of water when you heard.

“So Kirishima, we’re gonna graduate in about two months,” you hear Sero say slowly, “and you seriously still haven’t told her you have feelings for her?”

You had stopped at that moment, equal parts curious to how the red head would answer and nervous. 

“Ah,” he starts out sheepishly. “I wasn’t planning on it. Gotta focus on becoming the best hero right?”

You hear the rest of his friends agree, albeit hesitantly. Some grumbles of him avoiding the question and being afraid to approach this mystery girl came after. You were about to walk in with a bit of confidence when Denki speaks up.

“Come on Kiri! Just tell Mina you like her already.”

Wait, what? Mina? But you and him...?

You wait for his answer, your heart on the edge of cracking open.

You see his cheeks start to match his dyed hair as he makes eye contact with the woman in question; she looks away too seemingly more embarrassed than Kirishima.

You hear the sound of glass breaking before you realize the sound had come from you, your feet covered in broken glass and cold water.

“(Y/n)!” Mina calls out, “Are you okay?”

“Here let me help.”

Your eyes meet ruby ones as Kirishima approaches you and begins to help you and Mina clean up. You suddenly can’t move as you feel parts of the glass scratch against your skin. It takes a while for the blood to surface on your leg.

“Peb-(Y/n) your leg! Mina, can you get us some bandages and another glass of water? I’ll take her to her room.”

“Kiri you don’t have to I have stuff in my ro-”

“I got you Kirishima! Hurry up and go, I’ll be there soon okay?”

You can’t do much other than look at the man who’s picked you up bridal style and took you toward the library. You still stayed silent, trying your hardest to keep you feelings at bay as the threat of tears becomes to prominent.

Kirishima presses the button for your floor. He wants to talk to you so badly, but he knows that you would rather speak in private and he can tell by your avoidance and the flutter of your eyes that you’re thinking hard about something. The elevator dings and slides open, revealing your floor. He knows how to get to your dorm room by heart and immediately goes to the right, two doors down. 

Your room was unlocked so he walks you in quickly. He places you on your bed and kneels before you inspecting your leg. The cut isn’t too bad but he does find more on the top of your foot  when he removes your sock.

“Kirishima...”

“Just let me help you, okay? I know you have some bandages on your desk, lemme get those.”

He gets up promptly and grabs what he needs. You still haven’t said much as he attends to your wounds. He knows that there’s a whole monologue going on in your head and he wants you to tell him everything you’re thinking.

His hands still linger on your leg, lightly tracing his handiwork and slowly moving to wrap his hand around your calf. He then brings it to his lips and leaves an open mouth kiss on it, licking the spot after.

“Kirishima,” you start.

“Talk to me, pebble,” he kisses your knee as his warm hands stay on your leg, barely moving. “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”

You can’t face him, not when he’s looking at you with the most adoration and lust and it’s confusing you. “I can’t,” you whisper.

Kirishima moves to your other leg, kissing that knee as he rubs his other hand farther up your thigh. “Yes you can, babe.”

You hiss at the feeling of his hands on lips on you, making your mind and inhibitions go. Your breathing gets shallow as you feel his warm breath. 

“Ah, I, um.”

He meets your eyes finally and registers your body language. He pulls away and stands up. “Please, (Y/n) what’s wrong?”

“You haven’t told them.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

“Babe...”

“We’ve been together for awhile now and the only person who knows is Mina! And she got us together!” Your anger finally coming to the fore front of your emotions. “And people still think you like her. Still! Even after she came out to us.” Tears start to fall from your eyes. “I know I’m not as pretty as her and that she caught your attention first!”

“Pebble,” he mutters as his heart breaks at your words.

“You liked her first and dated for a bit which makes sense but,” you stutter over your words as tears cascade down your face. “Maybe everyone sees something I don’t because they would never consider me for you! I’m not good enough for you Eiji and you know it. Sero knows it, Denki knows it, and I bet Bakugou knows it too.”

“(Y/n) stop!” Kirishima places his hands on either side of your face collecting your tears. “How long have you felt like this? Damn it, why didn’t I notice you felt like this? I’m a terrible boyfriend,” he wipes your tears and places his forehead against yours. 

You gaze up at him and try to calm your breathing. “A few weeks... I had heard a conversation from your friends, and it was similar to this and... I’m sorry I should’ve told you.”

Kirishima shakes his head against yours, “No babe, I messed up. I thought not telling everyone was better for us. We’ve got so much on our plates already and I didn’t want you to be overwhelmed with a public relationship. I thought I was doing the right thing for us. Please tell me you didn’t feel ignored did you?”

That got you to smile as the inflection in his voice changed. “No Eiji. I know you’re mine and I respect what you did but...”

“It hurts being compared to Mina, right? Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize they still think that.” He kisses your dry and tear covered lips softly, leaving no room for misinterpretation from the love he’s showing you. 

You break away and mumble, “Personally I think Sero is projecting. He was the most accepting of her being bi you know?”

That gets a chuckle out of him as he leans away from you. “Heh, you think? Then that would make her really happy.” You look at him in confusion, not quite understanding what he’s implying. “Ah I never told you, or anyone really why we broke up did I? Well, we realized that yeah we care for each other but we both need different things. And we saw that we couldn’t be what the other wanted or needed so we ended things mutually.

“Plus she was totally crushing on Sero.”

Your jaw dropped at his confession. You can feel your heart leaving the previous edge it was on and calming down. “Huh,” you muse to yourself, “that explains why she looked so embarrassed by that.”

Kirishima looks at your ponderous face and smiles contently. He’s so happy to see this look on your face, where you think in the cutest way. Gah, now he’s starting to feel dumb for not announcing your relationship to the world. And honestly he wants to, but right now he wants to make you feel good. Real good.

He kneels back down to your legs, lightly placing his hands around your calves. You look down to him with your eyebrows furrowed. “Eiji? What are you doing?”

He kisses the inside of your calf and continues to kiss up your leg to your thigh. “I’m treating you like a princess right now because that’s what you need.” He bites lightly at the inside of your leg and smiles at the whine that leaves your lips. “And there’s no need to be quiet, I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

He pulls your hips to the edge of the bed, placing his hands on your thighs spreading your legs. He can already feel the warmth coming from your clothed sex, just waiting for him. He sucks in air through his teeth as he leans in to breath over your core. Your hips lurch up, knowing what’s going to happen soon.

You feel his lithe fingers pull at the hem of your panties and pull them slowly down your legs. He sees that you’re already wet and he licks his lips. “Damn pebble,” he admire, “you’re already this wet for me? I’ve barely done anything.” He chuckles at that last word swipes a finger up your slit. A whiny moan is heard as your body reacts in kind to the action. Satisfied with your reaction, he carefully licks at your wet folds.

“Ah shit, feels so good Eiji!”

He slaps your inner thigh and pulls away. “That’s not my name.” He then wraps his lips around your swelling clit and sucks harshly.

“Hah, oh my god daddy shark! It feels so good,” you’re starting to lose yourself to the pleasure and it hasn’t been that long.

You feel his lips smile against your heat as he hums into it, “that’s my baby shark,” the vibrations from his voice travel through your body, causing your breath to be shallower. You unknowingly lifted up your shirt as the heat in the warm was getting too much and you wanted more friction on the top of your body.

Kirishima previously had his eyes closed to enjoy your taste and scent but notice you moving. His eyes glaze over again in lust as he sees you taking off your shirt and bra, cupping your breasts for more feeling. This inspires him to thrust his tongue in and out of you faster, swirling it around your insides. He hears you moan. He takes a finger and slowly pushes it into your awaiting cunt and he feels you clenching around it. His other hand travels up your body and meets your breast, kneading it as well.

Your back arches off the bed as you’re feeling so many different points of pleasure. You’t not sure when it happens, but he already added a second finger into you hole, your juices starting to trail down his fingers. The other hand that was kneading your breast stops as those fingers begin to tug and twist your nipple. 

“Oh fuck!” You practically yell at your senses being overwhelmed. Kirishima is doing all the right things to your body and you can feel your release coming soon. You start to grind against his tongue and fingers, noticing a third has been inserted. You can feel that coil wanting to unwind the more he works your body. “Shit, daddy shark, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum! Ah, hah, it’s so good!”

Kirishima hums against you, moving his hands and tongue faster. He wants you to feel the greatest amount of pleasure possible, even if he has to go without relieving himself. “Yeah baby? Then cum for me, yeah? Cum for your daddy shark.” He reattaches his lips to your core and pumps you faster and harder than before.

You feel yourself start to shake and writhe in pleasure, quickly losing your breath. You feel the pressure building until it overflows and cascades over your body. “Oh my god, I’m cumming, I’m cumming!” You yell and whimper out, feeling yourself leak all over his chin and fingers. Knowing you hadn’t squirted that hard before, he licks your release all over his chin. Kiri stands up, after he slowly took his fingers out of you and shoves them in your mouth. “Suck my fingers, I want you to taste how amazing you are.” You suck earnestly, eyes never leaving his as your tongue goes over every dip and crevice of his fingers.

He then leans in to kiss you on your lips passionately, laying down on top of you without crushing you. You wrap your arms and legs around him, wanting to make him feel good. You run your hands through his hair when a knock is heard at your door.

You both look up, slightly embarrassed at the knock. “Uh,” you rasp out, “yes?”

You hear a cough and then, “Hey, I uh, brought your water.” Fuck, it was Mina. The two of you forgot about your abandoned water. “Yeah,” she coughs, “I’ll leave this here so uh, bye!”

You fall back onto your bed and laugh and Kirishima joins you. He pecks your lips and removes himself from you. “Let me get you a towel. How do you feel babe?”

You smirk at him and bite your lip. “I’m sure you know, daddy shark.”

He giggles at that and grabs a towel from your door. He tosses you the towel, and opens the door to grab the water. When he opens the door, he sees an extra glass and a note underneath addressed to him. 

Sorry for saying you’re with Mina. She told us everything. Hydrate or die-drate daddy shark ;)

Kirishima rolls his eyes and steps back inside your room. He hands you a glass and you notice he has one as well. You cock up your eyebrow at his glass and he hands you the note. You feel yourself flush and throw the note on the ground.

“Well, at least everyone knows we’re together now right?”

~~~~~~~~~~~

The diner is open

[cerastes]

Imagine W's ultimate show of trust to the Doc, if she ever decides to bring herself to that point somehow., being inviting them to share a ration with her out in the field. Or sort out some munitions over a chat about the places she's been. Or, as you said, indulging in the peace of just peeling some potatoes. I blame you for infecting me with W enlightenment.

! Yo. That’s some actual 200% Trust stuff right there.

W vaguely, casually inviting Doc out for a walk, telling them that if they decide to come, to give word that he’ll come back later. Doc says they’ve got a lot of work to do. W insists that Kal’tsit won’t give ‘em hell since she’ll explain. Never once has Doc seen Kal’tsit actually reprimand W, or W fail to finesse her way out of a lecture, so sure, why not? W’s reply is simply a smile, one that looks infinitely similar to her usual mocking smirk, but somehow, this time, it reaches her ears, and yet, it feels like it could deflate any time. Doc has seen this emotion before, and while they can’t put a name to it, they know it to be mutually exclusive with joy.

The ensuing chat is meaningless, but not unwelcome. Something about the Penguin Logistics girls being really good in a brawl for mailwomen and tour guides, something about the music room being quite lively, what with Vigna, Courier and Blue Poison habitually going there to play the guitar, with the “kiddos”, as she calls them, looked with admiration, Frostleaf trying to mimic them with her air guitar as Ifrit headbanged, something about how it was funny to see Aak and Warfarin wheel a very unwilling Fang into the infamous Doctor Blood’s lab, right before Dobermann and Kal’tsit caught them red-handed and dole out the appropriate pay docks and, worse still, lectures that seem unending as they are redundant, but ah, see, that’s the thing with Kal’tsit, she may say the same thing for the course of 3 hours, but she somehow keeps using different words, never sounding too redundant, it’s just like that time years ago when Kal’tsit caught raiding the pantry in the wee hours of the morning. How could Doctor not remember that one, it was a classic in Babel! A legendary pursuit that lasted two hours and was followed by four of lectur--

And then W stops.

That’s meaningless. 

They don’t remember that funny anecdote.

And if they did? Then she surely wouldn’t be walking down memory lane with the “Doctor”. She surely wouldn’t be here right now. 

It’s because they’ve lost all of that, that they have gained this little space, away from the mobile city, in the middle of nowhere, where they can talk.

They sit down across from each other, with the camp’s fire between them, on boxes tastefully labelled “Doctor” and “Me” with black paint. W throws Doctor a potato and a knife. There’s no Gummy or Matterhorn here, buster. You want food? Better get peeling while the water comes to a boil.

So they peel in relative silence. Potatoes. Onions. Dicing some carrots. Uncorking some cheap Kazdel ‘vintage’, if unused sewer lines from long-devastated cities could be considered casks, but hey, it’s got a nice kick and you can pick it right up after wandering back into an old campsite if you leave it fermenting before departing for the next battlefield. Just one of those nomad’s secrets, wink wink. Or do they call them “lifehacks” now? Reunion didn’t exactly have the latest in lingo, W laments.

Throughout all of this, Doctor cannot help but feel a certain tightness in their chest and a hollow pit in their stomach. It’s a feeling Doctor has heard others describe, but they’ve never been able to put a name to it, but they know it to be strange bedfellows with joy. Was this the same pain holding a tight grip on W’s smile before?

“Have we done this before? You know, before.”

But W only chuckles. “Maybe we did. Maybe we sat right here, maybe we had the very same cheap liquor, left to ferment in the same circumstances. Maybe we fixed the very same stew, maybe that knife feels oddly comfortable because that was the one we’d lend you.”

She stresses the plural, and the Doctor, too, stresses. She continues.

“Maybe you earned our trust, maybe you were just the way you are... Superficially, at least. Maybe that’s still something exclusively superficial. Maybe I’m intentionally tripping on the same stone twice, and if that’s the case, this time, it’ll cost me less than before, as it’ll be only one life.”

“As opposed to how many?” the Doctor doesn’t ask, doesn’t dare ask.

“This stew is perfect: Cheap, easy to prepare, nutritious, filling, and the pot is easy to clean afterwards. We make this stew a lot since it reminds us of ourselves as Sarkaz mercenaries... Convenient, gets the job done, and then you can just move on with your life after disposing of it. You used to love this stew.”

W gets real close to the Doctor, face to face, potato and knife gripped still, close enough that her warmth permeates through their mask, breathing audible, blood a frenzied mix of boiling and frigid.

“Do you still love this stew, Doctor?”

W’s explosive charges are less loaded than this question. Agonize, they did, trying to find the right way to diffuse this situation, but she doesn’t give them time to respond, fortunately. A dud, perhaps?

“If you still like the stew, then perhaps we can’t be friends, but... If you don’t find it to your liking, perhaps I can show you other rations and dishes we make out here, ones more nuanced, ones packed with a little more care, you know?”

Instead of sitting on a box across the fire from Doctor, W sits next to them now, finally abandoning the Doctor’s personal space.

“I’ve just been thinking very seriously about this, see? You really... And if I’m wrong about this, heh, shame on me, but you really don’t seem like the kind of person that likes that stew anymore. Just something I’ve learned from watching. Watching you. Watching the new blood. Watching the trust they place in you, the affection, the laugh and cajolery and jocosity of it all. And in the center of it all, what is it that you do? You reciprocate, and it drives me crazy.”

The Sarkaz’ voice raises just for a second.

“Because this could be much simpler, this could be as easy as click click boom, you know? Hit the switch, have a laugh, carry on, but no, you’ve made this far more complicated than it had to be. If you had remembered the anecdote, I could’ve just hit the button half an hour ago, and by now, I would be done picking up whatever was left of you, hiding it in an abandoned sewer line and then sealing it, and I’d be on my way to Columbia right about now. I hear they got some nice new settlement for Infected there now. If only you had remembered.”

But the Doctor did not remember. Not about the time when Kal’tsit lectured W for hours on end, nor about the time they disposed of the leftover stew. Not about a damn thing. The bombs in the box labelled “Doctor” were almost comically redundant, for whatever firepower they could hold, they’d never compare to the edge of Doctor’s conscience, twisting from within. 

“...I heard you carried that FrostNova girl’s body. Thanks for that,” carried on W. “And for that, in addition to everything else, I’ve decided that maybe we ought to eat more than crummy stew next time. Which side of you is the real one? I guess I’ll -- we’ll -- find out soon enough.”

After that, no more words were traded. Peel, they did, and eventually, dinner was ready. The stew was somehow bitter and bland. Doctor couldn’t be happier, and was already anticipating what they were going to make next.

Maybe they’ll have anecdotes the both of them remember to fill the silence while peeling potatoes next time. Not that silence is unwelcome. Silence is meaningful, and a surprising amount of times, what unveils the truth behind someone’s heart.

[anakinlove]

lili! hi! do you know where anakinswhore went? (i can't remember her name... Julia?) o.o

(Hi babe I know you sent in an ask telling me you found her, buuuuuut you’re the first of many asks I got about this so I’m just gonna answer them all using yours because (and I’m serious here) yours was kind of the only nice one.

So you’re totally fine and I love you and I’m sorry to piggy back off of your ask specifically literally I love you so much (I CANNOT STRESS HOW MUCH THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU COZY))

Now,

To the anons that literally??? Sent me Julia hate????? What the fuck did you think was gonna happen huh??? I’m literally (I think anyway) one of Julia’s closest internet friends!

I get to see her cute ramblings and we talk everyday! Of course I wasn’t going to post your Julia hate on my blog?????

If Julia wants to move away from posting Anakin? Good for her! Get outta here with your gate keeping!

Idk if you’ve noticed but MANY Anakin writers are moving away from the Anakin community. Not only can we not consistently write for one character for an entire year because there’s only so much you can do with one man! Like seriously! It starts to get repetitive!

But have you taken a look at the Anakin community? The lack of appreciation, hate for daring to do anything other than Anakin, and the sense of entitlement people feel towards new content is seriously draining on anyone that continues to be brave enough to post things for this fandom.

I’m thinking of becoming multi fandom but when I’ve mentioned it before I have received lots of anons like “oh no lili!!!! Obviously I’ll unfollow if you do but I love you and don’t want you to change 🥺🥺🥺” like I’m sorry???? I have ADHD and my hyperfixations rotate my man. I’d probably still post Star Wars content??? I mean, I literally have a cardboard of Anakin on my wall it’s not going away.

If you loved me/ your other favorite bloggers you wouldn’t care if their content changed because you love the blogger themselves. I have never seen Narcos, nor do I find Pedro Pascal attractive, but am I going to unfollow Julia? No! Because I love Julia!

Quite frankly I wanna 180 my blog theme just out of spite! The only thing stopping me is that I genuinely can’t think of a username but WHATEVER

I love all of my mutuals and I hope you stick around and I still get to see you I’m seriously I love you, thank you for being the reason I log on

Also for the people genuinely wondering what happened to Julia (anakinswhore) you can find her here : @javis-pendejo :)

I’m just tired of a lot of things and I’ve got a pretty stressful life outside of tumblr so to come on here with one of my very few free hours only to see hate for one of my best friends??? It sucks. It sucks that I had to take the time to make this post. I try to make my blog a happy place, a fluff filled place. And it fucking hurts that I had to do this

I’m very disappointed in those anons.

[frecklef0x]

Mass Effect 1: Playthrough Masterpost

At last, I have finished Mass Effect 1!

I have heard some mutuals say they wish they could play it again for the first time, and you kind of can--through me! I’ve been posting little “episodes” of live-tweet-stream-of-consciousness as I play, and now I’ve compiled them into one post to make my life easier.

Anyway, here’s the first one, the rest are under the cut. :)

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode one

My ass looks great in this uniform, first of all

Impaled robo zombies, yikes

Cheap shot, Saren, smh. How will I pass my spectre test now?!

Why does he have robot eyes? Is he like, Geth-Turian? Why? Is he a robo zombie also? Was it the beacon???

Cool beacon nightmares, I'm sure this is fine

This Kaiden guy has implants? ORTEGA?!??!?

"Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor" lol obliterated

The citadel elevators are very realistic, five minutes of tense silence huh

Ya girl got a PROMOTION and a DOPE SQUAD time to catch a TRAITOR

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode two

First things first, gotta go find the blue scientist to join the gang

This galaxy is HUGE! How many of these places will I actually be able to go?!

Only two friends at a time????? D:

Ah, a distress signal, let's see wha--A DESERT CENTIPEDE NOPE ABORT ABORT

Robo aliens? In MY Theronian mining facility? Its more likely than you think

Running over dudes in my Mako is extremely satisfying tbh

*runs over geth troopers* *runs over geth armature* *runs over geth colossus* ... *backs over geth colossus*

Working elevators in the ancient ruins ✔

Oooooooh man hope this nerd is gay

Wrex, a friend of yours? Nope, not a friend, too murdery

"ShAaaAame about the ruins Shep, sOooOo much collatoral damage, SHEP" stfu Council, "ruthless" was in the resume when you promoted us, 10/10 would shoot lasers through archeological digs again

When Kaiden calls us "ma'am" I am, uh, into it

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode three

Time to talk to the gang! Gotta meet the fam proper

Oh dear seems we got a shmee of racism on board, compatriots

Wow Raina, good foot-in-mouth moment with Wrex there huh...sorry about the eventual extinction of your race, lost this round of Pain Olympics

OH SHIT OH SHIT BLUE HOTTIE BIGENDER? THIS IS NOT A DRILL???

“hi I’m Kaiden wanna hear about my last crush ;)” “hi I’m Liara wanna hear about Asari mating rituals? ;)))” damn we really slidin right into the DMs no chill

Garrus: fuck rules and red tape amiright Raina: oh u right ;)

Guess I’ll actually do a mission now LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

Honestly rolling out with Tali and Liara is a mood, squad goals

Raina @ every corporation on Noveria: I would sell you to satan for one(1) corn chip

This reactivation puzzle is some shit

I see some Mistakes were made

We already killing moms at this stage damn BioWare

FUCK FUCK BENEZIA KILLED ME AND I LOST A FUCKTON OF PLAYTIME

THERES LIKE NO AUTOSAVE IN THIS BITCH FUUUUUUUUU

fuck fuck fuck god damn it gotta shoot a bunch of deranged baby bug people again god DAMN IT

Okay we killed Liara’s mom in front of her hope that’s fine

And we let mama bug go free because after talking to Wrex, Raina’s like “this galaxy is a little trigger happy with the genocide, good luck out there bug mama ❤️ be cool please”

I have literally watched the scientist in the hot labs get killed three times now

So far the debreifs with the council have not gone very well

“You let bug mama go?! How many generations until they take over everything???” “My money’s on two :D Place your bets now assholes or stfu :DDD”

Asked Liara if she was okay and she seems pretty Cool With It

I hope to one day return to Noveria and Death Star it into oblivion

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode four

Talked with Tali and this situation with the Geth and the Quarians is giving me an existential crisis

You “inspect” my beautiful ship? You got somethin’ to say about my crew??? Talk shit get hit, bitch I will kill you

Yoooo my old earth gang, yeah what the hell, I’ll help ou—oh nope nvm he’s a xenophobe, you hang him and I’ll shoot his friend in the face, thx for your time

Went to the citadel to finish some assignments, left tasked with twice as many

“dOn’T cUt CoRneRs” fear not dear Kaiden, I have a permit: this piece of paper that says I do what I want

Still with the elevators, I really cannot with this

“You make it all sound so...dangerous...” ;) ;))))))

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode five

Headin’ to Virmire to rendezvous with the Salarian team

A cure for the genophase?!?!?! :D

Oh wait oh no are we for real gonna talk about destroying the cure like Wrex isn’t standing right here omg

SHIT GUYS NO NOT LIKE THIS WREX PLEASE

Phew for a conversation that basically started with guns drawn, it went pretty well... “What Saren has isn’t even a proper cure, he’s just fucking with the Krogans at this point. Are we gonna stand for that? Or are we gonna murder?” “Damn Shep, you right, we gon’ murder”

Okay Ashley, go join the aliens, try not to die

Shadow Team!🎵 tearing through the base 🎶 disabling all the     defenses 🎵 (you gotta sing it to the tune of the Trogdor song)

We free the prisoners!!! :)

We shoot the prisoners??? :(

“Raina? How can you shoot them where they stand?” So it’s more merciful to let them explode? NAH FAM

This scientist is responsible for the mind control stuff? For Benezia? Fine     I’ll let her go but I hope she explodes

We did not learn our lesson concerning beacons I see

Wait if even Saren is worried about his mind control ship does that mean there are larger forces involved here?

Oh. Oh fuck

Ugh Ashley I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU NOT TO DIE

(so we really never found any info about that genophase cure huh? disappointing)

Oh Seren, you dumb dumb. You absolute fool. Clown man.

When Raina slings Kaiden over her shoulder to carry him to the ship—mmmmmmmmwoooow I am very bisexual

Bruh Raina takes every council call and she disconnects pissed off every time

WAIT I literally just hung up with the council, ASHLEY is DEAD, and Kaiden needs a DTR RIGHT NOW?!?!? Boy, NO, READ THE ROOM

This has been a stressful day

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode six

Shepard will avoid her feelings and go to Faros instead

Seeing Ashley’s figure greyed out and her locker inaccessible makes me sad

Wrex and Garrus, let’s go shoot some geth 💪 

A mind controlling planet—of course!

Shep gets all her renegade points shooting capitalists

Saved, uh, about half the colonists

If I have one more bad acid trip I stg

Oh nope here’s another one

Shep needs a nap

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode seven

Ah, the council. Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.

At least Liara is good at pep talks ;)

Joker, you cockblock

Haha DUDE we airborne, you THOUGHT

Now that I am exiled from the Citadel, guess I’ll run some galactic errands:

o   Killed corporate scientists who though we would rescue them lol

o   Destroyed a bunch of geth camps helping Tali on her pilgrimage

o   Disabled a nuke and killed some pirates

o   Shut down some evil Cerberus experiments

o   And illegally traded information!

Okay time to get back on track

So we may or may not be flying to our doom

OH GOD LIARA LOVES ME!!! RAINA, YOU DISASTER, YOU DID IT AAAAAH ❤️❤️❤️

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode eight

You know what I love? Being murdered by geth armatures

All these Ilos ruins be looking the same

Security panel is only kinda helpful

Oh, luckily I know Prothean now!

“CANNOT BE STOPPED” wow very encouraging, thanks

After that super motivating message and disabling security, its time to go down, down to goblin town

Vigil? Oh word?

My girlfriend is GEEKING out

I knew something what wrong with that fucking Citadel

Vigil: information is power. Also Vigil: What does it matter why they do what they do? All that matters is you stop them

“non-essential” personnel die first, huh? GROSS, VIGIL (gotta be honest that hits different in 2020)

Garrus gets it, I knew we liked that guy

Okay, find conduit, save galaxy, break millennium-old genocide cyle, nbd

Ugh Mako you gotta do me dirty one last time I see, I hate this thing

THE CONDUIT STRAIGHT YEETED MAKO

The citadel robot says we’re doomed : )

This shootout is SO fun, seriously

Saren get it toGETHER

Renegade Raina can kill with a conversation apparently, well done then

Concentrate on the Sovereign—why am I gonna save a council that hates my guts, sorry, but I have a JOB to DO that you ACTIVELY HINDERED

Great, zombie husk Saren, just what I needed as I mull over the possible consequences of my galaxy-altering decision

GO JOKER GO

Humanity-only council seems…questionable. Raina didn’t love the council but this sits wrong. Couldn’t we just appoint a more diverse council, including a human?

Anderson seems like a good enough dude, so…we’ll see.

TIME FOR WAR BOYS, GODDAMN WHAT A GAME

[mysticgoblinwriter]

Okay I've been wanting to say this for quite a while now

For Fic Writers, Readers, and Everyone-

Tumblr is bad for your mental health. And not in the "expect bullies-yaddayadda" way.

Oh and - a person disagreeing with you or calling you out for bad behavior (done nicely) is not bullying. So lets just drop that right now.

It sneaks up on you and suddenly you start to care about notes and "famous people" who are the most followed within your fandom

Tumblr is a great place, but only in small doses. Its human nature to want to go with the flow and check what other people think/have been doing. But within doing that you drag yourself deeper into a whirlpool of always wanting to follow this unwritten code of bullshit. Because you don't want to offend anybody, because you don't want to be rude.

You know the rules.-

Reblog/Comment on a fic

Respond to tag games

If you haven't read the latest popular works you're a terrible person

If you don't read your friends fics you're an even worse person

That's all bullshit. If I was writing a book irl every month I would not say to my friends "you must read this or I will not think highly of you anymore"

I do have this to say- cross tagging isn't nice or cool. Its a jerk move. Stop it. That was not said nicely and I am aware of that.

If your friends are true ones, then they know they do not have to reblog your work. If you guilt them into reading it then its not being a real friend. I love my mutuals works! But I don't read them all because tbh I do not read fanfic daily or even weekly. And they understand!!

There's room within this fandom for the readers who read once a week, once a month. Once a year even.

There should never be any guilt about not reading the latest fic, or not wanting to read your fave's work or anything pertaining to the matter.

There's also the tumblr effect which shortens your attention span to about 10 seconds. Are you wondering why you can't watch TV or read a real book anymore? Because you have adapted to the tumblr span and your brain cannot/will not allow you to concentrate because you've been spending all your time getting new exciting info every 10 seconds.

Then there's the authors guilt on which I am directly calling you out on. A lot of authors now want instant response to their published fics and they guilt people into reading them and commenting.

Just maybe they don't want to read your latest fic. Which is FINE. Yes it hurts because you put effort and emotions into it. Also I'm not blaming you fully, its the habitat of this place to expect instant snappy results. Which does not work.

Social Media Habits Do Not Work In Real Life.

Authors in this fandom 'Marvel' have gotten pushy. And its gotten ridiculous. We as authors owe nothing to anybody, and readers also owe us nothing, not even likes. But I think its time to stop making this place harsh for the average reader. That does not mean bend to rude anons wills and the mean readers.

Likes count. Y'all don't want to hear that because you don't want to hear opinions different than yours. Fine. Its your dash and curate it how you want.

But likes are good because it shows me a person read my work, and took an action to show me they did. Reblogs/comments are great.

But guilting people into giving them is not. That's not cool.

There's a serious problem of equating reblogs with self worth on this site and I get that. But finding self worth in others is not the way to go. I get it. I love getting notifs and whatnot. But,,,, its not where its at folks.

When is the last time you wrote for yourself? The last time you didn't have any pressure writing a fic? I see so many authors stressed out about something that should be fun. We've done wrote the fun out writing. This mindset is bad both for the author and the reader.

The emotion that goes into fics is real. I am not discrediting that at all.

Just admit you want validation and attention and work from there. but its never going to be enough. You got 500 followers. Then you want 1,000. Then 2,000. It'll never stop unless you stop it.

I am seriously worried for y'all. So much stress and everyone is treating fic writing like a second job.

Ending notes- My fucks have flown away, look, there's a flock of them flying away as we speak. This isn't to attack anybody or be mean, its just to bring to attention some serious things.

(Incase anybody was thinking this- I do not think myself higher than you just bc I have lost my give a shit. There's days where i get frazzled and expect instant results too. I'm working on that and will always be.)

tl;dr- i dont even know

[chroniclackofselfpreservation]

Creatures of the Night

Chapter 13 - gone far away into the silent land

Back to the Beginning   < Previous chapter / Next chapter >   

AO3

Masterlist

(TW: mild graphic imagery, death/dying)

(The title of the chapter comes from “Remember” by Christina Rossetti)

“Patton, really, I’m fine. We don’t have much longer before—”

“Nonsense!” Patton said, brandishing a serving spoon. “If we’re going to be out all night running through the forest, we better not be hungry while we’re doing it!”

Roman sighed, laughing a little as he did. He knew that Patton was freaking out inside. They all were.

Roman was going to die tonight.

And come back—hopefully. If Patton’s dream was anything to go off of, Logan had already removed the amulet and Roman hadn’t woken up. Upon hearing this, Logan had adamantly voted against the excursion, claiming that not only was it dangerous, but they had adequate reason to believe that it wouldn’t work. Roman, on the other hand, was quick to point out the fact that Patton had only seen about ten seconds of what was going to happen. Maybe it took a little longer to come back from death.

Roman would be lying if he wasn’t infinitely more nervous, but he would also be lying if he said he didn’t want to go through with it. This was the only way. If it didn’t work, he’d be dead sooner than later anyway. It was a grim thought, and he figured against mentioning it to Patton, especially when he was already stress-cooking as it was, but he couldn’t deny the truth of it.

The dinner was amazing, as they always were, but Roman couldn’t taste any of it. He smiled and complemented Patton on his cooking. He joked and laughed, but despite his efforts, it was painfully obvious to the rest of the table that he was compensating for the fact that he may not be returning to said table.

Logan spoke softly, occasionally giving into Roman’s baiting remarks and going off on a tangent, but the way he sat and speared leaves of lettuce with his fork as if stabbing something through the heart betrayed his unease.

Virgil was far less subtle about his discomfort. He barely spoke, and when he did he only gave short, one-word answers. He particularly avoided looking at Roman—which Roman went to great lengths to not grow offended at. He'd realized, as Logan had rebuked them all in the living room, that he wasn’t mad a Virgil.

He was mad at the situation. At Ursula. Yes, Virgil might have assisted in getting him his curse, and Dorian might have killed his mother, but ultimately, there was one person behind all of it, forcing everyone else to take the blame.

Roman stared down at his dinner with enough anger burning through him, he was surprised he didn't melt his fork. So, yes, he understood why Virgil might think he was still angry with him. Roman would have to properly forgive him for it later—as he was quite certain the familiar would be beating himself up about it for the rest of his seemingly immortal life unless he did—but for the time being, Roman let it simmer.

                                                * * * * * * * * * *

The walk through nighttime-Wakeby was different with three of Roman's best friends by his side. He was nearly vibrating from a combination of nausea, excitement, and absolute terror. Patton spoke softly with Virgil, wanting to know more about sibyls, and Virgil patiently obliged. Roman watched out of the corner of his eye as they walked down the street, not caring about subtlety at the moment—glad to see Virgil appearing less grief-stricken and back to his normal, albeit tense, self.

Logan stared straight ahead, walking with the seriousness of an army general.

Roman nudged him. “Lighten up, Specs. You look like you’re going to a funeral.”

“If that was an attempt at humor, you will have to try harder,” Logan replied, his expression unchanging.

“Geez. I know I’m dying and all that, but really, Lo.” He sobered a bit. “I’m coming back, aren’t I?”

“Presumably.”

Roman swallowed. “You really aren’t one for cheering a guy up, are you?”

Logan clasped his hands behind his back as they walked, blinking. “No. I’m not.”

                                                * * * * * * * * * *

Patton didn’t like this situation. He didn’t like the dark. He didn’t like the pit growing in his stomach. He didn’t like watching Roman’s back and not having to imagine what he’d look like dead, because he’d already seen it. He hated how comfortable and calm Roman was in the pitch-black forest. Patton found himself walking side by side with Virgil so closely their arms brushed every now and again. There was a sort of silent acknowledgement of their mutual discomfort, and neither of them drew away from the other.

Roman, quite obviously trying to mask his nerves, laughed and joked and gestured grandly, as if showing them around his bedroom. “I broke that branch up there—see? The one that’s snapped off half way? Yeah, Dorian chased me up a tree, and let me tell you, it was not exactly my idea of a fun time. It snapped as I was climbing and, man, you’d have thought he would have swallowed me then and there…” he rambled, like an old man recounting war stories. Virgil grew stiff beside him, his eyes glazing over and his steps becoming halting.

Not wanting to fall behind the other two, Patton ignored the nervous pounding of his own heart and slipped his hand into Virgil’s, hoping to comfort him in some way. The act seemed to snap Virgil out of whatever stupor he'd been in and he shot a grateful, if not slightly flushed, look Patton’s way. The gesture also soothed Patton’s nerves somewhat.

“Oh! Here we are! Dorian!” Roman called, jogging out into a large clearing. Virgil’s grip tightened and Patton looked up, his heart crawling up into his throat and lodging there.

An enormous snake sat in the middle of the clearing—and by enormous, Patton didn’t mean it was just big. It could easily constrict a bus the same way an anaconda would a small animal, if not crush it entirely. How in the world had Roman survived fighting this thing for so long? And why was he running up to it like it was some kind of old friend of his? Logan was in a similar situation, frozen at the edge of the meadow, trying to register what he was seeing.

“Come on, guys. He won’t bite—he promised,” Roman shouted. Patton tugged a little on Virgil’s hand and they both stumbled forward into the clearing. Logan trailed behind them, muttering softly to himself.

The giant serpent inspected them all, his head mere inches from Roman’s side.

“It has been a considerable amount of time since I have been amongst more than two humans at the same time. Although,” he purred, “it seems there are fewer true-blooded mortals here than I expected. You did not tell me you hosted a sibyl in your company, little prince.”

“Yeah, neither did I until about three hours ago,” Roman laughed.

“Um, hello,” Patton managed, giving a small wave. He wasn’t quite sure how he should act. He certainly wasn’t about to be all buddy-buddy with the creature that almost murdered one of his best friends, but from the way Roman was behaving, he wasn’t so sure how to feel. He erred on the side of caution, and went for politeness.

Roman put his hands on his hips. “So, how’re we starting this party, hmm?”

Dorian glanced at him. “I can smell your fear, little prince. Do not play coy with me.”

Roman’s countenance faltered. “Right, well, um, let’s get on with it then, shall we?” He ran a hand through his hair and faced Dorian.

“I cannot simply bite you, little prince. That would constitute fatally injuring you, and exceeds our contract.”  

Roman’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, “But, if you can’t bite me, how—”

“You will have to prick yourself.”

Roman paled.

“This is insane,” Logan breathed, still trailing a few paces behind Patton and Virgil. Patton had to agree with him, though he wouldn’t deny how relieved he was that he wasn’t going to have to watch Dorian actually bite Roman. He probably would have fainted.

“There has to be another way,” he demanded, stepped forward, though still keeping a healthy distance from the demon.

Roman’s shoulders dropped, “Lo, come on. We talked about this.”

“I’m not—I can’t just watch you die, Roman! There has to be some other option we aren’t looking at. I’m sure I can come up with something if you just—”

“There isn’t another way,” Virgil muttered. “Ursula’s isn’t some one-off, throw-away spellcaster. Her curses can only be broken by fulfilling the demands.”

Roman shuffled his feet a little. “If you really don’t want to be here, Logan, I understand. You don’t have to watch.”

Desperately hoping his fear didn’t show on his face, Patton marched up to Roman, coming so close to Dorian he could feel the air whip past him as the serpent’s forked tongue wagged next to him.

“We are not letting you do this alone, Roman.”

Roman looked over Patton’s shoulder at Logan, and from his steadily softening expression, Patton assumed Logan had admitted agreement.

“Fine, but if anything happens to him…” Virgil growled, meeting Dorian’s eye, unwavering.

“I assure you our goals are mutual, familiar, but I’m curious. Please, elaborate on what you’ll do to me exactly,” Dorian rumbled, rising up ever so slightly. Patton stepped behind Roman with a barely contained squeak.

“Dorian, please,” Roman sighed. Virgil and Dorian stared at each other, unblinking. Patton could practically feel the protectiveness wafting off Virgil, though his hands shook. Logan looked nearly as angry, but put a firm hand on Virgil’s shoulder and muttered something in his ear. Patton hoped he could step in with some diplomatic words and ease the situation before it escalated. He wasn’t too keen on getting eaten by a giant serpent tonight.

“I can’t believe I forgot how insufferably arrogant mortals are. You may be a witch’s familiar, but they taint you with their idiocy.”

Virgil pulled against Logan’s hand. “Yeah? Did you also forget that one of those insufferable idiots managed to beat you every single night?”

“Virgil!” Roman barked, and Patton couldn’t tell if he was telling him to stop, or was upset that Virgil called him an insufferable idiot. Probably both.

“Look,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose, and turning to Dorian, “I get it. You don’t like us. We, frankly, don’t like you either, but we had a deal. I’d like to get this whole thing over with before I’m sixty-five, if you don’t mind.”

“Very well,” Dorian grumbled, lowering down. “You are wearing the amulet?”

“Yes.”

In response, Dorian bore his fangs, a chilling hiss leaking from his all-black throat. Now, Patton did let out a small, terrified shriek. Logan and Virgil both inched forward to be closer to Roman.

Trembling, he held out his hand and placed his palm against the bottom of the needle-point fang, right below the thumb.

“Roman,” Patton whimpered softly, more to himself than anyone else. Roman sucked in a sharp breath and his hand jerked upward. The fang sank into the meat of his hand, dark blood seeping sluggishly down his arm.

He pulled away, swallowing thickly. Dorian closed his mouth, the fangs folding back like he was sheathing a sword. Roman opened and closed his fist, looking down at it with an unreadable expression.

“I… need to sit down,” he said, sounding a thousand miles away. He swayed, leaning heavily on Patton.

“Okay—um, let’s see,” Patton said, unsure what to do or how to feel. “Lo, help me sit him down.” Logan responded at once, grabbing Roman under his arms and slowly lowering him down. Patton went down with him, cradling his head in his hands, silently telling them to stop shaking.

Roman winced as his entire arm spasmed, the muscles reacting to the venom.

“Are you in pain?” Logan asked, his hands fretting uselessly about Roman.

“No.”

“Roman—”

“It’s fine, Specs. It’ll be over soon,” he said, waving his hand away. Patton’s chest seized.

Virgil paced furiously through the grass, nibbling on his fist. “This was a bad idea. It isn’t going to work.”

“Verge, please,” Patton managed around the lump in his throat. He really wasn’t helping the situation. Another spasm, this time Roman’s entire shoulder, and a bit of his neck—his head twitching to the side. His breathing picked out a fast rhythm.

“Remember to take the—the amulet off, guys. Okay? Don’t forget. You can’t,” Roman said, squirming in discomfort on the ground.

“We won’t forget, Roman.” Patton said sweetly, running a hand across his hair. Tears welled up in his eyes, blurring the outside world into smears of indigo and green. “We could never forget you.”

“Patton is right. The odds of us forgetting the single most important step of tonight’s escapade is astronomical,” Logan said.

Roman nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’d hold your hand, Padre,” he chuckled, “but I can’t move it anymore.”

Patton cursed himself for shaking. Roman was probably terrified. He shouldn’t be worrying about him right now. Patton felt something cold on his hand and looked down. Tears were streaking down Roman’s face. His breath was slowing, though Patton figured it wasn’t because he was calm. The venom was working through his system.

Dorian had retreated a few feet away, coiled up and watching silently as Roman’s life ebbed away. His reptilian face betrayed no emotion, and yet Patton was sure he felt something when he met the demon’s eyes.

“Hey, Teach?” Roman mumbled.

Logan leaned forward. “Yes?”

Roman’s eyebrows creased as he worked the words out of his mouth. “You know the thing you do with Charlie Frown, over there? The… reading?”

Patton looked to Logan, who seemed to understand what Roman meant. “Of course. Any requests?”

Roman snorted weakly out of his nose, and shook his head.

Logan gave a wet smile. “I built a tiny garden in a corner of my heart. I kept it just for lovely things, and bid all else depart…”

Patton gave up trying to hold himself together, balling gentle fists of Roman’s hair in his hands and bowing over him. Tears plopped from his nose and chin, dotting Roman's still face. Patton bit his lip to keep from outright sobbing so hard he tasted blood.

“And ever was there music, and flowers blossomed fair.”

Roman grew still. His chest rose.

And fell.

“And never was it perfect, until you entered there.”

[honey-lets-fucking-run]

Rebecca Ferguson: The Art of Versatility

A recent discussion with the lovely @imfmi6 has given me the spark to finish an essay on which I was fumbling for a couple of months. Therefore, I decided that I must be courageous enough to publish it, so here it is.

However, before we begin, I shall give to all of you some predisposition: this post may be very long and contain lots of letters for I'm an insatiable movie geek, and maybe, I'm partial to analyzing everything I watch and read. Maybe a little too much. Anyways, you have been warned, so...

I'll start at the beginning: a little over two years ago, one dear friend of mine suggested to me that I should watch the latest two entries in the ”Mission Impossible” franchise. For more precise effect, the suggestion was supplemented with a picture of a very beautiful woman, looking at someone unseen, but with such deep affection evident in her gaze, that I was immediately intrigued. That was all it took. A picture. Intrigue is a very tricky feeling at its core, indeed.

So that same day I sat down to watch ”Fallout”. To say I was blown away by it would be a huge understatement.

To elaborate, I had seen the first four entries of the franchise before, I sincerely admired them for the precision that a viewer can rarely encounter in an action flick, but at that time, MI wasn't something I would grasp after. Now, after looking back, I'm pretty sure it was for the best. As they say, some things tend to come right back to you.

Back to the matter at hand. I fell in love with everything. I fell in love with the direction. I felI in love with the cinematography. I fell in love with the cast and the characters. I fell in love with the way in which the film was so cleverly written, even though I had a certain amount of difficulty understanding some plot points, because I was watching out of order, but even then, I pretty much understood everything that was necessary to get. But there was one person with whom I had ended up being enamoured the most. That person was, as I'm sure, you had guessed already, Rebecca Ferguson.

To say what it was that affected me the most? Of course, Ilsa Faust is badass. I mean, she can fight without seeming ridiculous. She takes her heels off, because it's practical and easier to fight without them. She's an expert bike driver. She looks every bit as lethal as well believable while holding a weapon, be it a knife or a gun. She can be lethal without a weapon, and if that's not a definition of true badassery, then I don't know what it is. But, as much all this serves the purpose of being integral to her character, that wasn't what surprised me the most.

What surprised me the most was the plain fact that Ilsa, while being badass, is also very human. It was evident in every facet of the character, be it her seemingly untrustworthy nature of pursuing a goal of her own to the very end, or be it her vulnerability. Vulnerability that was not treated as a weakness, but as an another facet of Ilsa's personality. Human are vulnerable beings, and throughout both Rogue Nation and Fallout, we're reminded of that hundred times, sometimes in a brilliantly subtle ways. And that's the entire point of my never-ending rambling here, because, at the end, I was blown away and became totally fascinated with one thing. Which was, of course, Rebecca Ferguson's acting.

First of all, she doesn't give the impression of acting. Throughout both movies I was a witness to a transformation so complete and sublime, that I forgot about the acting part. I saw only the character. I saw Ilsa's tiredness and emotional insecurity (over her job and moral ambiguity that comes with it, which was surprising in itself, given that female characters who are stressed over something that's not tied to her male partner, are a rarity). I saw her as a complete equal to Ethan; she doesn't need him to save herself, but they understand each other on a much more deeper level, which you can't squeeze to a simple: ”oh, they're in love, look at that”. (There's not only love. In their relationship, respect and mutual recognition comes first and foremost to any romantic feelings). I saw her desire to escape from the spy life before it was plainly stated by her in the scene at the train station. Why? Because it was all over her face in the scenes before that one.

And that is the key. Not only Ferguson does not give the impression of acting by transforming so completely, you forget the word ”acting” in the first place, but also she has such an incredible in-depth understanding of her character's emotional and psychological undercurrents that she's able to transfer it into acting without being overly explicit. It's all in the details: the lighting-quick slideshow of different emotions, from fear to utter contempt, demonstrated by her in the ending seconds of ”Fallout”, during which Ilsa was captured by Lane for a brief time; the complete loneliness and sense of not belonging within any group, hidden beneath the mask of a world-famous opera singer (Jenny Lind was glorious, and she had her reasons, no one will trick me into believing otherwise); again, tiredness and the feeling of emotional drainout, which she transfers brilliantly from Rogue Nation to Fallout, not only without seeming illogical or out of place, but altering that state into something completely different (you can see that Ilsa is on a verge of the burn-out, you can see it so clearly in the scene at the alleway alone, that you literally feel like your heart is going to combust); the aura of evil hidden beneath such affability, that you cannot help being hooked, even knowing there's something unquestionably wrong with the owner of that ”magic” hat (Rosie, darling, I want that hat, seriously).

I can go on and on, but to bring the point home, you know what the greatest part is? The greatest part lies in the fact that Ferguson is so goddamn flexible in terms of acting ability, that her characters totally differ from each other. I mean, they completely different. Usually, you know, there's a trademark, some kind of trait that actors bring with themselves from role to role in order to be distinguished from others. Ferguson doesn't even have that. Each new part is a clean slate. Literally. The only trademark I was able to find that unites all of the characters she played, other than the obviousness of being portrayed by her, is her perchant for being barefoot (aside from some unintentional sarcasm, I find that incredibly cute and free-spirited). And each time, I don't know what she will do. I mean, I know she will deliver something mind-blowing, I know I will be surprised beyond being able to form an adequate and coherent reaction in response to what I have seen, but I can't and absolutely would not try to guess how she'll manage to surprise me.

In conclusion to all this, I would like to say, that, in terms of acting, Rebecca surely embodies something I have never seen before. And that's exactly what makes her so gloriously distinctive in her own way.

P.S. The picture that had started it all:

[surviiived]

Guidelines

If you don’t agree to these rules and don’t want to follow me back—and if I have already followed you—please just HARD block me. It’ll help keep my dash cleaner, as well as make sure in my forgetfulness I won’t follow you again. Don’t worry, I won’t be upset lol. Thank you so much for looking at my rules!! 🖤🖤

Basic Rules:

-SEMI SELECTIVE AND MUTUALS ONLY.  This is for my own safety and feeling of security. If you want to roleplay with me, follow me. I will do the same for you if I’m willing to interact.

-OCS, AUS, AND ALL OTHER CHARACTERS WELCOME. I don’t care who your muse is. I’m all for OCs, crossovers, AUs, anything!! Just know I’m a bit more selective towards fandoms I don’t know about lol

-NO ONE-LINERS. I need some more interest in our thread from your end so I don’t lose muse as well. One-liners are fine for crack threads, but nowhere else. I’m fine with single to multiparagraph, and that’s how I will be writing.

-NO GODMODDING. I cannot express this enough. It’s my biggest pet peeve. Just don’t, or I’ll end the rp immediately.

-PLEASE USE CORRECT GRAMMAR. I’m a bit of a grammar freak, so seriously. At least try. However, If English isn’t your first language, I COMPLETELY understand.

-MULTIVERSE, MULTISHIP. Every thread is a different verse, every ship a different verse. Simple.

-DONT REBLOG THINGS FROM ME. Honestly, guys this just gets on my nerves. It’s a bit irrational...but also irritating because when I check my phone and see a notification from a mutual, I get excited because I think it’s a reply! But then I realize you just reblogged that meme/musing/whatever. Please, only reblog threads from me and everything else from the source. This includes memes, musings, pictures, and promos. Also, pls don’t reblog my PSAs, if you agree with them let me know so I can post it to my rp memes blog, which I would LOVE for you to reblog it from!!

-REBLOGGING ASKS AND TRIMMING THREADS. I’m not as strict as a lot of people over this, but some mutuals of mine are so please trim your threads when you reply to me. If you are in a situation where you can’t, that’s perfectly fine. However, thanks to this new Tumblr update I cannot trim asks because I don’t have xKit. So I ask for you to trim them for me, and if you can’t either then I’ll figure something out. Also with asks, I’m fine with you reblogging an ask to continue it. I will turn it into a separate thread for my friends’ sake.

-UNFOLLOWS. There’s a low chance I will unfollow someone, and the only reasons I can think of are spreading drama, being inactive for over a month without a hiatus, something else that annoys me, or too many OOC posts. The latter is why I am hesitant to follow back personal blogs who roleplay on said blog, but it’s not impossible. I won’t follow personal blogs from side blogs, but if you let me know you are a side blog I will gladly follow where you roleplay.

-DONT INVOLVE ME IN DRAMA. I hate drama. I’m the type of person who wants absolutely nothing to do with it. If I ask about what’s going on, then you’re welcome to tell me, but other than that, don’t talk to me about it. I won’t take sides. I won’t tell other people what’s going on. I’ll only act like nothing’s happening.

-SPOILERS. This is kinda hard with an Identity V blog... I don’t really anticipate there being any spoilers on this blog?? But if a new diary entry comes out or a deduction for a new character, sure, I’ll tag it for a couple of weeks.

-REQUESTING MUSES. If you don’t request a specific character in an ask or a starter call, I won’t write it. I just don’t have the time to go to you and ask which character you want, nor try to guess what you were thinking when you sent something in or liked a starter call. So I just won’t respond to whatever it is. This is the case when requesting one of my muses or picking one of your muses, if you’re a multi like me. Sorry..!!

Romance Rules:

-NO SMUT. I can’t stress this enough. It’s not that I’m a minor (which I’m not), it’s that it makes me uncomfortable. You will never see smut on this blog. I’m fine with heavy make out scenes, but when the clothes start to come off is where I request a fade to black.

-I LOVE TO WRITE ROMANCE THREADS. I’m a pretty big hopeless romantic, as that’s where most of my muse is generated from. I may want to add a ship to our thread at some point, but will never force it.

-REFUSALS. NO pedofilia, NO incest, NO rape, or ANYTHING nasty like that. I understand that sometimes in writing dark situations occur, as some of these things are in my muses’ backstory. So, if you write any of those things, I’m not going to block you. However, if you request to do any of that stuff with me, I’ll say no. Press the issue, I’ll hard block you. I shouldn’t have to hear you request it the first time, as it’s right here in my rules and that means you didn’t read them. But I’ll go easy until you cross a line.

-THERE MUST BE CHEMISTRY. Don’t bother trying to make a ship work that just won’t click, it’s a waste of time. But I’m more than willing to try things and see how they work..!!

-PLEASE RESPECT MY MUSES’ SEXUALITIES. You can tell a muse’s sexuality by what it says on their about. Most are bi/pan, but a few may be different.

Rules and things about me:

-I HAVE LOTS OF WRITING EXPERIENCE. I’ve been writing since I was maybe even seven years old, played games where I pretended to be a character irl since I was five, and have been actually roleplaying for approximately 7 years now. I’ve been roleplaying on Tumblr for three years. I really love writing, you know?

-WARNING, I WRITE GORE. I tend to go into detail about pain, suffering, death, and just very demented topics. That’s just a warning. If you have a problem with that, you may not want to follow me…

-TAGGING. Gore, murder, suicide, and other dark and triggering things will be tagged, but swearing will not. I swear far too much for me to remember to tag it. Also, I don’t post NSFW images or threads on this blog, so don’t worry about that, but I will tag asks and memes that can be perceived as nsfw. I tag things like this (using death as an example): “tw: death”. If you have any triggers, PLEASE let me know so I can tag them. There’s always a chance I might forget about something, and if I do please tell me. I’ll make sure not to forget a second time. Also, I ask you all tag vomit mentions, even if it’s just written, and ESPECIALLY TAG VISUALS OF THROW UP!!!! That is my ONLY trigger. Thank you.

-RESPONDING TIME. I’m a college student, high school student, and I work, so my responding time isn’t what it used to be lol. Please don’t pressure me over that..!! I also post most threads via queue unless I just need to send it out ASAP. I won’t bother you if it takes a little while to reply. We all have lives outside of Tumblr!!

-I’M NOT GOING TO SEND IN PASSWORDS. It just adds to my anxiety, and I don’t like that. That’s why I don’t ever ask someone to send a password in and just ask that they like my rules post! Just know I will always read someone’s rules before interacting.

-I’M ALWAYS HERE IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. Honestly, I want to help! If something’s wrong and you want to tell me about it, I’m all ears. I hate being upset or depressed myself, so I like to try to make others feel better. It helps with my own sadness.

That’s all for right now..! Happy roleplaying~!!

like this post if you have read it and agree to it, please.

Hello! My name’s Kiki. There isn’t really much to say about me, except that I love to roleplay!! That and write, of course. And draw. And sing. So I guess I love a lot of stuff lol. Also, I am diagnosed with ADD (attention-deficit disorder), so please bear with me..!! One last thing, I’m 18 as of November 2020. 

If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m right here and always accepting PMs!!

My main account is twx-sid3d, but I’m rarely ever on there so here is the best place to contact me. I also have a multiverse oc sideblog @hxlf-bred​ that’s connected to my multi, @nycttophilic.

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day~!

[bluejaysfeathers]

There’s something that has been on my mind for a while and it’s still not letting me sleep so I want to talk about it a little, and that’s the reasons that Twitch Partner X33N decided to ban me from his community. There’s a few things I want to clarify from the beginning. First, he is not obligated to be my friend, because that’s not how friendship works. If he feels that what I said to his moderator was a betrayal then, well, that’s not what I intended, but I quite literally cannot stop him. Second, this is not about what Karacorvus said. X33N has made it very clear that he doesn’t think her words were transphobic, and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. And finally, this is not me accusing him of being transphobic. I fully believe that he has always had good intentions toward the trans/nb community and he has been very apologetic in the past about his difficulty with they/them pronouns. People can not find things transphobic without being transphobes themselves.

So. Depending on where you want to get into it, this story begins two years ago, or a year and a half ago, or last summer, or a month ago. Frankly, thinking about the good times we had and the advice he gave me about my mental health just hurts right now, so I’ll skip over the details, but suffice it to say that this man knew some extremely personal things about me and I trusted him implicitly. Last summer, given the state of the world with the pandemic as well as his perfectly understandable personal stress, his streams shifted away from the focus on the community and mental health as he, in his own words, began to rely on streaming with others to make up the energy. At the time, I tried to bring it up to him and was essentially told that he wasn’t forcing me to watch, and that the focus was shifting due to his energy levels. Before that I had been a dedicated viewer of every stream I could catch, but after that I started skipping a few of the more obviously non-community-focused streams. Which brings us to the last-summer portion of the beginning of this story. I’m starting here because he seems to include it in his reasoning, and because it seems to have colored his view of everything I did since then, including an incident that involved several friends of mine who were not him. Essentially, after a while of seeing that nothing was changing, I messaged a moderator (whose last message to me before this had been “I never reveal my sources”) something along the lines of ‘do you think X33N would even notice if we all didn’t show up one night bc that’s what’s going to happen if he keeps this up.’ (I’m not going back through long deleted dms to find exact wordings). This moderator took my message to X33N without my knowledge. He messaged me, ostensibly to “check in” which made me happier than I care to remember, because at the time I had been struggling as had everyone, and it was nice to think that someone had noticed and cared enough to check on me. But alas, it turned out to be a secret test as to whether I would tell him what I’d said, and when I didn’t do so he viewed that as a betrayal and dishonest. It took some time and communication for that one as it felt like all the honesty I had given him was being tossed aside, but we did talk it out, and as far as I could tell, went back to a slightly bruised but recovering friendship.

This should lead into the aforementioned situation involving people that were not him, but at least one of them would be genuinely endangered by that situation becoming public so I will summarize it as drama, which a mutual friend mentioned to X33N and then brought his reaction to me. His reaction had seemed upset with me, so I reached out to apologize and X33N reassured me that he hadn’t been upset and just wanted to point out to the mutual friend that he knew what was going on. Cut to the next day (or the day after? My sense of time last year was... well, about where everyone’s was) and X33N was asking other mutual friends whether I was leading a conspiracy to get him to add me back on snap (this conspiracy was news to me but whatever) and accusing me of fomenting drama because... honestly this is one of those times where I don’t care to speculate on his motives, he said a lot of things very fast while I was tilted about the snapchat conspiracy and I don’t think I correctly grasped why he was upset with me, but I distinctly remember him bringing up the previous ‘betrayal.’ This was also when I stopped joining in the community among us games, which seemed fine by everyone involved.

All this apparently came to a head about a month(?) ago, when he, karacorvus, and some others were trying a new game. Kara said to one of the other streamers, a man who had seemed perfectly happy with his character model, would he please change his character to a man, etc. There was some uncomfortable laughter, Kara doubled down on her comments, a friend messaged me to tell me they had been uncomfortable with it as well, and I took the problem to a friend of mine who X33N had modded and who I trusted to handle the situation. This mod told me that I had not been the only one uncomfortable, and, when I said that I had been surprised to hear such comments on X33N’s stream pass unchallenged, replied by pointing out that Kara had a big community. I replied with something along the lines of ‘well... there was a time when that wouldn’t have mattered more than his allyship but I guess a lot has fucking changed with his priorities’ and the discussion moved on, seemingly productively, and ended on a friendly “thanks for bringing this to me/no thank you for taking it seriously,” and I didn’t think much more of it, although I did resolve to ask X33N about the whole well she has a big community comment the next day if he seemed in a decent mood. Maybe if I’d talked to him that night things would’ve gone differently, maybe my fate was sealed as soon as I was given the no-win statement of ‘she has a big community’ and put in the position of arguing with a mod or agreeing that X33N would change his mind on his statements of his community being welcoming to all in pursuit of someone else’s community. I’ll never know, I guess, because as I was saying goodnight to my friend X33N messaged me to tell me he was banning me over my pattern of betraying him behind his back. He kicked me from his server and had me blocked before I had even shaken off my shock and confusion- remember, at the time I had no idea what would trigger this, his last words to me had been ‘we totally good yo’ and my conversation with his moderator had seemingly ended amicably. It’s only now, after some very dear friends didn’t buy in to what he said about me in his discord (that I had been sowing discontent among “community memberS” about him “not making a stink” over “comments bluejay felt were insensitive”) that I am able to know that it was that part of that conversation that he was upset by. According to those who spoke with him, it’s not clear that he even knew I said what I did in reaction to his moderator claiming he would let transphobia slide because karacorvus has a big community, and I’m not sure I’ll ever know because the moderator I spoke to also blocked me. Which means that I lost two friends that night, not even counting the multiple people who believed his side of things from his discord without hearing me out. I can’t say that I blame them, I would’ve struggled to believe it myself.

There’s a part of me that still hopes X33N will realize that what I said was the best I could do in response to the situation I was given and reach out, but I kind of doubt it. I messaged him from an alt account, admittedly rather angrily, to ask that he at the very least correct what he said about me in his discord, and he had my alt banned from the server we’d had in common and seemed very sure of his position. As I said, he doesn’t have to be my friend, but I wish that he hadn’t taken such steps to harm my friendships with others from his community, and the fact that he has no obligation doesn’t stop me from missing the parts of our friendship that were good- I know I haven’t really laid them out here, but I was genuinely thankful for whatever power led me to him, and we did have good times. Both the serious mental health kinds and the playful friendly competition in beatsaber kinds, and many in between. I miss him and I hope he one day sees that his friends can bring up issues from his streams with his mods without it being a personal attack on their friendships. But most of all, I hope that by writing all this down it will stop bouncing around in my head.

[scifigeneration]

Coronavirus quarantine could provide lessons for future space travel on how regular people weather isolation

by Inga Popovaite

A researcher in a spacesuit on “Mars” outside the Mars Society Desert Research Station in Utah. David Howells/Corbis Historical via Getty Images

I was supposed to travel to “Mars” this month. The plan was to stay two weeks at the Mars Desert Research Station – actually in the Utah desert – to simulate human operations on the red planet. Eight of us were to live in a two-story cylinder, 24 feet in diameter. We would conserve water and put on mock spacesuits every time we ventured outside.

Previous visitors explore the terrain outside the research station. George Frey/Getty Images News via Getty Images

But, in an ironic twist, the coronavirus pandemic and the worldwide spread of social distancing put on hold our simulation of isolation on Mars.

My main goal had been to collect data for my dissertation. I research groups in space-analog environments – isolated and confined places that share characteristics with human space missions. I’m especially interested in the way gender contributes to individuals’ influence within a group and how men and women manage their emotions in isolation and confinement.

I will not go to “Mars” this spring. As I am self-isolating at home, though, I keep thinking about what lessons for future space travel the current situation can provide. Astronauts have shared tips on how to survive long periods of loneliness and isolation. Maybe in return, the experiences of millions living under lockdown can offer insights into previously understudied social effects of isolation and aid future space travel.

Let me be clear: By no means am I denying the seriousness of the pandemic, and I am not reducing vitally important social distancing measures to a set of convenient social observations.

However, the more researchers understand the social effects of isolation on regular people – as opposed to those certified to have “the right stuff” – the better we will be prepared for the future, whether another wave of pandemic or interplanetary space travel.

Tight quarters, nowhere to go – sound familiar? Fertnig/E+ via Getty Images

Homes as real-world isolation capsules

Most group behavior research in space and space-analog environments focuses on leadership, cohesion and conflict – factors that affect teams’ performance and their ability to complete tasks. It makes sense, as astronauts are first and foremost a team of co-workers on a specific mission.

But, by focusing on the professional level, researchers overlook other potential relationships between crew members – such as family ties or intimacy. It is not a minor detail: Interpersonal relationships can certainly change dynamics of group behavior. If you’ve ever shared a workplace with a romantic couple, for instance, you probably know there can be some drama.

So far, only one married couple has been to space. Researchers suggest that couples are better equipped to handle isolation because of mutual social support. Having couples on board makes the team feel closer as a whole.

However, anecdotal evidence from China suggests that divorce rates jumped after the quarantine. This factoid suggests that it’s not clear whether average real-world couples are better suited for isolation than single individuals.

Gender dynamics, at home and in space

Now, researchers like me have an opportunity to understand how couple dynamics influence life in isolation – including sex and sexuality, questions that NASA is not eager to address. While pregnancy can be dangerous, intimacy and sexuality can improve emotional and mental well-being over long periods of social isolation.

In addition to intimate relationships, current isolation conditions mean researchers could pay more attention to structural gender inequalities accentuated by the pandemic. Women in general do more unpaid domestic and care labor, as well as more emotional labor – taking care of others’ feelings and well-being in addition to their own.

Now, their toll is increasing. Men and women have the same general goal – to survive the pandemic and its aftermath – but they experience the quarantine differently. In most middle-class families, the traditional work-home divide is now gone, as both partners work from home. But women are still likely to spend more time running the household, including child and elderly care.

While at this stage there are no screaming toddlers in space, space-analog research shows similar trends of women taking care of other crew members. The widespread lockdown could allow researchers to get more data on how social norms and expectations about each gender – for example, who is supposed to offer more emotional support – influence behavior in mixed-gender groups in highly uncertain and stressful situations.

Will screens prove to be enough? 10'000 Hours/DigitalVision via Getty Images

Connecting while physically apart

Whether you are in deep space or in quarantine, communication with family and friends outside is crucial for your well-being.

In the past weeks, social lives have moved online, from work conference calls to Friday night trivia. The current situation can help to settle the debate whether online communication can or cannot replace real-life conversations. What forms of digital communications are closest to meeting a friend for a real cup of coffee? How often should astronauts host a digital happy hour en route to Mars?

There is no doubt that coronavirus-caused social isolation will take a toll on individual and collective mental health. But staying home saves lives. Maybe this experience will also provide lessons on how to plan for future cities and social life on another planet.

About The Author:

Inga Popovaite is a Ph.D. Candidate in Sociology at the University of Iowa

This article is republished from our content partners over at The Conversation under a Creative Commons license.