#i see the tags you leave🥺 the reblogs everything and !!

[arminsumi]

I want to kiss you — キスしたい

G. Satoru — さとる ⋅ fem reader

NOTE : there's more parts planned for this, i just wanted to get at least this continuation out ✌️ it's maybe gonna be a bit of a slowburn thing, bc personally i love anticipating the buildup of two characters kissing. and also ugh i have such cute ideas in the drafts for this! like you and him using a magnetic drawing board to write down things that you take turns deciphering. and him writing a whole diary of his thoughts that he wishes he could voice to you, that he gives to you when you're leaving at the end of your visit 🥺 anyways!! lmk if you want to be tagged for any continuations pwease i'd value ur engagement very much !!

SUMMARY — you and Satoru falling in love despite a language barrier.

WARNINGS — slight underlying romantic tension between you and Suguru sooo potential love triangle?! one bed trope (you + Satoru), ik google translate is inaccurate but 🤷‍♀️ oh well

WORDCOUNT ≈ 4.6k

🍒 — J ⋅ reblogs and comments help a lot ! enjoy reading :)

A continuation of this post

Satoru's never really been in love before.

Sure, in high school he experienced crushes and a handful of dates. But the crushes were shallow and short-lived, and the dates were lousy and forgettable.

But you? Well it's funny, see, you live on a whole different continent and can't speak his language, and yet to him you're as unforgettable as the scent of spring.

His feelings for you seep into his skin slowly, beautifully; and yet he can't express a single one to you because he too can't speak your language.

During late-night video calls, Suguru tries to bridge the gap between you and his best friend. And in your group chat, both Shoko and Suguru combine their skills to help you and Satoru understand each other. They do it because they see how badly the both of you want to know more about each other; especially Satoru.

Satoru has never been so infatuated before; never quite so curious and unashamedly intrigued with someone else. You're all he thinks about day and night.

When you speak, he desperately strains his ears. When you text, he consults the dreaded Google translate. And he's always nagging Suguru to translate everything, because he wants to know your every thought and expression.

Around a year and a half after meeting you, Satoru realizes something when he's lazing in his bed with his fluffy white cat curled up on his stomach as it rises and falls with his gentle breathing.

He likes you.

On call, when you giggle at the cat's fluffy tail blocking the webcam, Satoru thinks;

あなたの笑いが大好きです I love your laugh.

When talking about you with Suguru, he receives a little teasing smirk from him.

あなたは彼女が好きですよね？ You like her, huh?

During lonely nights, he scrolls through your socials and stares longingly at photos of you, ones where you're hanging out with your real-life friends or family.

とても羨ましいです。私も彼女に近づきたいです。 I'm so jealous. I want to be close to her, too.

Listening to you attempt to speak Japanese on a call while him and Suguru are on a walk around Tokyo, he thinks;

私の言語であなたの声を聞くのが大好きです。 I love hearing your voice in my language.

Any photo of your face that you personally sent him, he looks at with heart eyes and saves immediately.

キスしたい。 I want to kiss you.

He'd be lying if he said he never pressed his lips to his screen and closed his eyes, pretending he was kissing you.

Satoru thinks poetically about you. He pens down these elaborative thoughts into his diary that he plans to give you one day. Maybe then you can get an idea of how deeply he thinks about you.

But even if he could speak English fluently, or you could speak Japanese fluently, he's sure neither language could be descriptive enough when it comes to his feelings for you.

He tries so hard to learn some phrases in anticipation of your upcoming visit, but all he can say when he meets you for the first time at Haneda airport is;

"Hi."

And he waves cutely.

"Hi!" you giggle, waving back.

And all at once, there's a bunch of thoughts buzzing in his head. He's looking at you like he's captivated. Even if he knew any solid English, he's sure he'd be speechless anyways.

実物の彼女はもっと美しい、信じられない。 She's even more beautiful in real life, I can't believe it.

彼女が何を言っているのか全く分かりませんが、いい感じですね。耳元で聞く彼女の声だけが私が望んでいたものです。 I have no idea what she's saying, but it sounds good. Her voice in my ear is all I wanted.

なぜ彼女は私ではなくスグルを抱きしめたのでしょうか？その瞬間は混乱の渦だったのでしょうか、それとも彼女は私を抱きしめたくなかったのでしょうか？ Why did she hug Suguru instead of me? Was that moment a whirlwind of confusion, or did she just not want to hug me?

When you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, the boys wait for you in their seats at the little airport cafe. The neon sign glows yellow above, plants hang from the ceiling; it's a busy place.

They're talking about you over their beverages.

Satoru groans dramatically, throwing his head back, fluffy hair flopping cutely.

"Oh Satoru," Suguru chuckles, "What's the matter? Why the groan?"

"I want to hug her."

Suguru's heart melts. "Then hug her. She doesn't bite. I think she wants to hug you, too."

"But then why didn't she hug me like she hugged you earlier? Maybe I don't seem huggable to her..."

"It was a rushed moment, she had just arrived you know? Don't overthink. Satoru, just hug her."

Satoru lets out a long, stifled noise that's a mix between a groan and a sigh. He tilts his whole body back, balancing precariously on the plastic chair. Rubbing his eyes until he sees some phosphenes, a habit he did when he was nervous. Suguru notices.

"Are you nervous?" Suguru asks tenderly.

"Really nervous. She's prettier in real life. I don't know what to do with myself." he admits quietly.

"Yeah, she is, haha. Oh, there she's coming back now — や!"

"や!" you returned, giggling.

That was Suguru's 'thing'. It's cuter in real life, seeing how his eyes curve up into a smile when he says it. There are details on his face that you didn't notice through the screen; he has an attractive trio of moles on his lower cheek, and when he smiles the left side of his lips curls up more to reveal some of his upper gum.

Satoru's heart beats a little harder when you sit closer to him. He's thinking;

Yay, 彼女は私の隣に座っています。 She is sitting next to me.

"Suguru, ask her if we're taller than she expected." Satoru asks suddenly. You just hear his voice next to you and it gives you tingles — there was a quality to his voice that only revealed itself in real life. An endearing voice crack accompanies the middle of his sentence.

"Satoru asks if we're taller than you expected." Suguru asks you, habitually resting his chin on the palm of his hand while taking a long sip on his iced tea.

"Yeah! Actually, I was surprised, because I thought you and Satoru were the same height, but Satoru is very slightly taller... " you say.

Satoru is listening curiously, waiting expectantly for Suguru's translation. And then it comes, and Satoru smirks at you.

"Yes." he nods, "(Suguru, how do I say I'm taller?) — I'm taller."

You let out a short and sweet ha-hah that makes even Suguru's heart feel a little something.

Each time you laugh, Satoru's thinking;

私はあなたの笑いが本当に大好きです。 。 。 I really love your laugh.

You three leave the airport for your hotel, so you can check in. It's almost midnight, your plane landed late. Though he thought he'd be tired, considering he's not a night owl like his best friend, Satoru is energetically striding next to you, teasing you and laughing with you and throwing hand gestures to try and communicate better. Suguru's fondly eyeing the two of you out, admiring how your chemistry comes to life so beautifully — this is what his best friend wished about for so long; to be at your side. Now he's getting to truly enjoy your company. The dreamy-eyed exchanges between you and Satoru make Suguru think that the two of you ought to be in a novel one day, with how pure and wholesome your story is unfolding right now.

Though, he can pick up on Satoru's frustrated stuttering when he fails to communicate with you. Suguru doesn't mind being the translator, nor does he mind bridging the gap between the two of you; Satoru's nagging can never bother him.

They help you out when you're checking into reception at the hotel, but then suddenly...

"... oh, that's not good. He said your reservation got cancelled." Suguru tells you.

"What!" you panic, "Why?"

Suguru inquires further for you, and finds out that it's because of overbooking.

So you groan, the three of you walking out of the hotel lobby, standing in the glow of the light coming through its glass doors. Satoru silently offers to take care of your suitcase, attentively noticing how tired you'd become from pulling it around.

"Thank you..." you tell him.

"Mm." he nods.

Suguru is quick to offer that you stay at their apartment. "... if you're comfortable with it. Just for the night, until you can find another booking elsewhere. Or if you want to stay by us for the whole month, that's okay too — just mind the cat."

"Suguru... thank you. I'm sorry to be intrusive."

"You're not being intrusive, don't worry. And anyways, I think Satoru will be excited to know that you're staying with us. He was bummed out when he learned that you were gonna stay at this hotel, since it's a bit far from our apartment."

Satoru looks at the two of you curiously after he hears his name mentioned.

"She's staying with us." Suguru tells him. You quietly appreciate his voice, and how soft it becomes when he speaks to Satoru.

"Yay!" Satoru says with a very cute thumbs up. You can hardly believe that this man is older than you.

"Tell him he's cute." you request to Suguru.

"Tell him yourself." he teases.

"No! That's embarrassing! Ah, never mind."

Satoru already knows what you said, though, his ears picked up on that he's cute and your words repeat in his head like his favorite song while the three of you walk the streets at night. He feels dreamy.

There is something indescribably welcoming about Japan that you realize while heading across the street, looking at the faces passing by. It's clean. The lights glow warm and bright. The buildings stand tall, but not intimidatingly so. When you pass by chattering people, you wish you knew what was being said.

The three of you have to take the train to get to their apartment. While boarding it, a cute little exchange happens between you and Satoru that you can't quite explain, but it makes the two of you laugh shyly and look away.

Now squished into a seat at the very edge, another cute little exchange happens between you and him. Satoru is talking up at Suguru, who opted for holding onto the train handles after giving up his seat for an older woman.

Satoru uses lots of hand gestures even when speaking Japanese, his big hands fly around, dramatizing whatever he's saying — and then he accidentally flattens his palm right on top of the back of your hand.

Satoru's quick to remove his hand and giggle it off, but Suguru is even quicker to let out a teasing "ooh, cute" when it happens, so the two of you get completely flustered.

Satoru's heart thumps and throbs for the whole train ride. You swear you can feel a tension between your hands as they rest palms-flat on the seats, less than an inch away; you can feel his warmth, and he can feel yours.

But then the train ride is over, and before you know it Suguru's thumbing his key into the lock of the apartment door. It rattles, the door opens, and the automatic light comes on in the genkan.

"Just a sec — gonna see where Mint is. Make yourself at home." Suguru tells you quickly, voice shaking as he shimmies out of his shoes, and then he disappears down the hall to find the mentioned cat.

Satoru hears the name 'Mint' and gets the idea of what Suguru said based on that.

He nimbly unlaces his Converse, and leans down to neatly tuck them into the corner of the genkan, purposefully next to your shoes.

Then he straightens his body out, and you two have a small comedic exchange as you both notice the height difference between you and him.

"Uh..." he looks down at you. "Water?" he asks after thinking for a moment.

Your heart lurches at his thoughtfulness. "Yes, please."

"Mhm." he hums self-consciously.

He wonders if his accent sounds weird to you. Suguru's reassured him plenty times in the past that it sounds cute and oddly British, but he doesn't really believe that.

Satoru leads the way into the kitchen, clicking the lights on as he goes. And you follow. Such a simple moment makes him feel fluttery.

And then you drink some water with him in the tiny, cramped kitchen that's much too small to accommodate two people. You wonder how Suguru and Satoru can stand in it at the same time if even you and Satoru can't manage it without bumping elbows. He chuckles apologetically.

Ah, the kitchen scene. What a movie scene it is between the two of you.

"Uhhh..." he seems to be skimming his mind for any piece of English vocabulary, getting nervous as you blink at him, waiting for him to speak.

He holds up one finger, then pulls his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. He's a very simple, yet stylish dresser; jeans and a white shirt that's much too big for him. He is truly so opposite to his best friend's fashion that it makes you smile to yourself. Suguru's quite showy with his style, and you can tell he puts a lot of effort into his hairbun, too. But Satoru? Messy hair, in fact so messy that it looks like bed hair even though he did especially brush it and style it for you.

"Okay..." Satoru mumbles, typing things into his phone. Then he gives it to you, and you look at the screen.

飛行は乱気流でしたか？ Was the flight turbulent?

You type your response. He watches you. And oh how he watches you — he looks lovestruck. His eyes are full of wonder. His mind reads like poetry.

He reads your reply when you hand him back his phone.

It was. I realized that I hate airplanes. そうでした。私は飛行機が嫌いだということに気づきました。

He nods. "Scary."

"Yeah." you nod too.

Satoru hesitates.

He's still bitter that Suguru got a hug and he didn't; it's on his mind. He just wants to ask you, but a deep-rooted shyness holds him back.

That is, until you look up at him.

あなたは私を見上げようとしてとても頑張っています。かわいい。 You're trying so hard to look up at me. Cute.

His whole body buzzes with the desire to hug you. He's had dreams of meeting you in person, of hugging you, of kissing you.

The two of you feel your bodies naturally pull together, as if subconsciously desiring to embrace, so it just happens. It just happens.

And you hug and he thinks to himself;

これは私が今まで経験した中で最高の瞬間です。 This is the best moment I've ever experienced.

You can feel his heartbeat and he can feel yours. For a moment, the world around you becomes a dream; and you and Satoru are the only things that truly exist. Everything in the world except your love seems fake, unreal.

You hear him swallow like he's choking up. Then he sniffles a bit.

泣かないで。泣かないで。 Don't cry. Don't cry.

くそー、泣いちゃうよ。彼女はとても柔らかいです Damn, I'm gonna cry. She's so soft.

And you break away to laugh sympathetically, he feels a bit embarrassed.

He's crying so softly that it makes your heart lurch.

Your bodies aren't separate for long, because he dives right back in for another hug in an attempt to quench the thirst from deep within his desirous soul. This time he squeezes tighter; you can feel the tones of his torso and the firmness of his bicep muscles as they press against your sides.

He sniffles again, the sound makes your heart lurch again.

あなたに言いたいことがたくさんあるのですが、どうやって伝えればいいのか分かりません。 There are so many things I want to say to you, but I don't know how.

でも、このハグで私の感情を感じていただければ幸いです。 But, I hope you can feel my emotions in this hug.

And you can; that's how closely connected the two of you feel in that moment. You can feel the emotions radiating from him, permeating throughout the air and seeping into your skin.

You can feel that he likes you. And he can feel that you like him back. It's fascinating to you, because before him you've always been saying I love you and I like you and will you date me? to people, or been on the receiving end of those phrases. But those words are unnecessary for you and Satoru. In fact, they're futile.

If he would say I love you, it would just be an accessory to his already evident love.

Then a sudden embarrassment pries the two of you apart, and you both start giggling to cope with it.

"Sorry... a bit much?" he mutters, half-sure of what he's saying.

"No, not enough." you tell him. He kinda understands what you meant, and feels fluttery. His nose is reddened from crying. He quickly pats his tears off with the base of his hand.

It's like your bodies hate being apart now, you and him can tell by each other's body language. Now at least that's one language both of you became fluent in, despite only being in each other's company for a few hours.

He looks at you. And you flick your brows up and make a funny face, as if to ask him what he's looking at. And he looks away with a bashful laugh, as if to apologize.

The romantic tension is so thick in the air between you two that when Suguru comes back, he feels it hit him like a wave.

おお。さっきまで彼女と一緒にいたとき、世界の存在を忘れていた。 Oh. When I was with her just a moment ago, I forgot the existence of the world.

"That cat is a menace. A menace." Suguru complains.

"What happened?" you ask.

" 'Got scratched." he holds up his hand, showing off the Hello Kitty adhesive across his knuckles. "Anyways, It's late. Are you tired? Satoru's gonna sleep with me, and you can have his room. Unless you want my room. I dunno. You can choose."

"Ooh... I haven't seen your room now that I think about it, except for that one video of you two pillow fighting."

Satoru's already starting to feel a small bit of jealousy and frustration, because he has no idea what you two are talking about.

Suguru's quick to notice this, and translates with a quick tongue.

"Tell her my bed's comfier than yours." Satoru says smirkingly.

"Wow, rude — Satoru says my bed is comfier than his." Suguru lies, refraining from laughing at his own mischievousness.

"Ah, I don't care, I'll be grateful for any bed... ah, actually can I use the bathroom to freshen up a bit?"

"Like I said, make yourself at home."

"Thanks..." you smile.

So Suguru leads the way to the bathroom for you, and you lock yourself in there to freshen up for a while. You sniff your shirt and smile — you smell Satoru's subtle scent on it.

The boys are fussing over the bed situation.

"Don't we have an extra futon stuffed away somewhere, the one Shoko left here?" Satoru thinks out loud.

"Ohhh, you're right." Suguru nods, looking for it.

"Anyways you embarrassed me!" Satoru pouts.

"Haha, did I?" Suguru pulls out the futon from the tippy-top shelf.

"Yeah, earlier you showed off how good you can speak English." Satoru grumbles.

They're softly grunting as they ruffle blankets and pillows.

"Oh, I guess I did. Sorry." he admits, "gosh, maybe if you would have learned a little something in preparation for her visiting then — "

"I did learn stuff! I learned... how to write." Satoru interrupts defensively.

"But why didn't you learn some common phrases?"

"I don't like my accent when I speak, alright." Satoru admits, huffing as he dives into the bed, ruining the artful neatness that Suguru just put so much effort into creating

"Okay, fair enough — oh my god, why would you do that, are you twelve? Oh hey, Y/n." Suguru smiles. "Satoru ruined your bed."

"Oh — two futons? Am I sharing with you or Satoru?"

Satoru rears his head at you from the pillow, looking very cat-like right then with his fluffy white hair. You can tell he's struggling to stay awake as the hour pushes onto two in the morning. He hasn't stayed up this late since he had a video game addiction and played all night with Suguru. Keeping his eyes open was a grand feat.

"No, you get to have two futons." Suguru teases, "Princess treatment."

"Haha, shut up. Be serious."

"Well, you can share with whoever you want or Satoru and I can sleep here together. Whatever you're more comfortable with."

"Didn't you once complain that you hate sharing beds with people?" you giggle.

"Mmm, yeah, but I don't mind if it's with you. Satoru's a cuddler. He also kicks in his sleep."

"That's so cute — well, let's ask — ... hey, I think Satoru fell asleep. Satoru?"

And surely enough, Satoru is asleep; he fell asleep to the sound of your voice without meaning to.

"He's not used to staying awake this late." Suguru tells you, softening his voice so he doesn't wake the cat Satoru.

"That's so sweet. He's really so sweet." you tilt your head admiringly.

You and Suguru are just alone there together, gushing over how cute Satoru looks when he has his cheek squishing into a pillow and his lips pouty and puffy in that sleep-like manner.

A long, nice silence settles in the room. You admit to Suguru that you're feeling a bit too wired to sleep just yet.

"I can stay up with you."

"No, it's okay. You look tired, you should sleep."

"I just always look tired. The night is early, anyways. I usually brood until four in the morning, you know me."

You smile at him, and he has to look away before he swoons. There's a small tension between the two of you, but the both of you force yourselves to ignore it.

The two of you assume a comfortable position on the futons, chatting as if you're not emotional about the fact there's no screen separating the two of you.

"Satoru's never been an insomniac, but in the week leading up to your arrival, he couldn't sleep at all. We'd stand in the kitchen together at midnight, talking about all the things we planned to do when you got here. I've never seen him so excited in a long time... it's really heartwarming to see."

"Really?" you blink at Suguru. He side-eyes you for a prolonged moment, then looks at Satoru who continues to sleep indisturbedly.

"Yeah. You know, he's such an idiot, actually. Because I told him to learn some phrases and instead he learned how to write English."

"That's a start! I mean, look at me, I can barely say a damn thing..." you mutter with lighthearted shame.

"Maybe that doesn't matter at all... I mean, with the kind of chemistry you and Satoru share, there's not much need for words." Suguru says.

You feel your face warm up a bit when he says that. "What do you mean?"

He wiggles his brows. "Oh come on, you know what I mean. I could feeeeel the tension in the kitchen earlier."

"Huh!"

He smirks and begins to tease, "I've never seen two people flirt so much and yet use no words."

You chuckle shyly. "Really...?" you look fondly at Satoru, who's become more curled up by now, face half-hidden under the blanket.

There's a long silence. You're looking at Satoru. Suguru's looking at you as if spellbound. And then he snaps out of it, and reanimates himself.

"Anyways... we should probably get some good sleep if we wanna drag you around on a tour tomorrow. I want your first impression of my home to be how good the food tastes here."

"Ooh, a food tour around Tokyo? Sounds nice. Won't it be too hot tomorrow, though?"

"It'll be fine." he says surely, "Anyways, are you sure you'll sleep here with Satoru? Like I said, he's a cuddler. He will cuddle you in your sleep."

"It's okay. I don't mind." You giggle.

"M'kay, goodnight then."

"Mhm, see you tomorrow." you say, standing with Suguru.

"Wow." he suddenly exclaims when he looks at you.

"Hm?"

Suguru stops on his way out the door, he seems taken aback. "I can't believe you're actually right here. I'm so used to pressing a red button and you vanishing from my screen." he laughs in disbelief.

"Yeah, I'm still a bit in disbelief, too. I feel like I'm in a dream and not standing right in front of you."

Suguru smirks. "Mm... well."

He leans down to hug you, pressing your smaller body against his chest with a lovingness that you never envisioned he would possess.

"Have you ever tried to hug someone in a dream? It's pretty difficult." he jokes.

"N-no, haha." you chuckle nervously against his neck. He feels your laughter on his skin, and pulls away before he lets that tingly feeling spread across his chest.

"Goodnight." he murmurs.

"Goodnight." you mumble back.

You're glad when he disappears into his own room, because you felt like you were melting in his alluring presence. A boy as sultry as that requires you to take a breather.

Satoru draws your attention by letting out a sigh in his sleep. You head into the bed.

Though there's a distance between you two, somehow it closes, and Satoru rolls right over onto your futon.

Oh, he is indeed a cuddler, you think. You feel a warm arm suddenly hugging your waist as Satoru changes position, and you hear sleepy lip smacks; his face is very close. You can feel his sweet, warm breath on your face.

There's a comforting, human intimacy about sharing a bed with him. He's so gentle when he sleeps. His hair falls over his eyes, his lashes shudder as his eyes do that sleepy twitching thing.

He looks angelic.

You wonder what dreams he's having. And well, actually he's having dreams of kissing you. How coincidental that you were staring blinkingly at his pouty lips, wondering just how long it will take for the both of you to just — just kiss.

Roaming his features in the dark, you find aspects of his beauty that you never saw before through the screen. He's got a tiny scar above his eyebrow, that must be the one Suguru told you about — the one he got as a child when he fell out of a tree. You remember making a joke "but I thought cats always land on their feet?" and when Suguru translated that, Satoru laughed.

There's slight freckling under his eyes, and slight indents of eyebags stemming from the inner corner of his eye.

And yes, how could you not admire those lashes. They were more beautiful in person. You could count each one if you wanted to, that's how closely he slept to you.

Listening to his soft breaths nearly lulls you to sleep, but then he suddenly cuddles closer and whines in his dream.

Oh, that's close close, you think.

His torso is pressing completely against your side, his body melting into yours like it was made for you. Two puzzle pieces meant to fit together.

His leg comes over yours, and his muscular thigh nestles between your two thighs. It makes you aware of just how attractively long his legs are.

He completely entrapped you with his sleepy embrace.

The warmth of his gentle breathing tickles your cheek, and the tip of his nose slightly dents into your skin. Now that's when you fall asleep. When he's completely melted against you, snuggled up like a cat.

He stirs awake after a few hours of heavy sleep, and for a split second in that groggy wakeful mind fog, for some reason he thinks he's laying next to his wife. So he squeezes you tenderly and cuddles more affectionately.

Oops, he thinks, and pulls away a little out of embarrassment. But once he falls back into dream land, his body subconsciously goes right back in for those sleepy cuddles.

Now the morning dawns over, and you wake up to two bleary, blinking blue eyes right up close to your face...

© arminsumi

Do not plagiarize / repost / translate / copy layouts / etc.

Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.

[show-your-fangs]

I hate seeing sad Hotch but what about Hotch being sad and feeling he’s inadequate but reader does a BIG/GRAND gesture and hotch is floored and becomes like cute puppy hotch and is all like 🥺

this was such a phenomenal request, i just had to add a sprinkle of angst and hurt/comfort bc i am a whore. hope you like it!

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x f!Reader

Words: 1.3k

CW: sad, very very sad, angst, sad boy aaron

Tags/warnings: established relationship, lover boy Hotch, reader works at the BAU but isn't a profiler (just in case you haven't read Moments), self-deprecating thoughts, Aaron thinking he's not good enough for Reader, fear of abandonment, Aaron crying, Reader comforts Aaron, super cute ending.

a/n: I imagine this is Moments AU Aaron and Reader after their relationship comes to light and they’re just dating and working together like adults after almost a year of secrecy, so it’s “new” in the sense that they’ve been public for only a few months. 

Disclaimer: YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WRITING ANYWHERE ELSE WITHOUT MY CONSENT. REBLOGS ARE ENCOURAGED THOUGH. YOU MAY NOT FEED MY WORK TO ANY AI DATABASES OF ANY KIND OR TO USE MY WORKS TO TRAIN AI. FUCK AI.

You hadn’t spoken to him all day, avoided him at all cost, not once stole a single glance at his office, at him. He didn’t think it was strange at first, you were both rushing to finish a mountain of paperwork that had just come in. 

He even ignored the fact that you hadn’t sought him out to have lunch together, claiming you were going out to run an errand. But then you left work early, so early in fact that the sun was still out. That’s when he began to panic. 

He knew he’d been a little distant recently. He’d had to miss your weekly date night twice, the second time having been the rescheduled date that he was convinced he’d be able to make. But no matter, he’d been called into a meeting just as the two of you were leaving the office. 

You’d been understandably upset. When he returned home to his apartment where you’d been waiting for him for the past few hours, you immediately got into a very heated argument, one that as much as he knew was coming, was still incredibly painful. 

But that had been a couple of weeks ago, you’d worked through it, talked it out, were done fighting about that. Or at least he thought so. 

He knew he was lucky to be with you, unbelievably lucky in fact, and he tried to often show you just how much he appreciated you sticking around after everything he’d been through, after everything you’d been through together. 

And yet he couldn’t help but feel like you would be so much better without him, that if he wasn’t holding you back you could be doing so much better. Your career had stalled because of your relationship with him, you were stuck in an endless cycle of having to comfort him, reassure him that everything was going to be alright when he should be the one doing this for you.

He’d caught you laughing, unrestricted, completely set ablaze by emotion a few days ago, and what had struck him hardest about such a normal display of happiness was that he couldn’t remember when he’d made you laugh like that last. 

You deserved the world, deserved someone who would show up for you, who would sacrifice everything for you, and as much as he wanted to be that person, he was also terrified of what he would have to do in order to become it. 

But he really wanted to, truly wanted to try, to make this work, to prove to you that he could do it, that he could be the man you needed him to be. 

He’d left the office the earliest he’d had in a while, making an effort to leave the paperwork he hadn’t been able to get through on his desk. He could get to it tomorrow morning. Tonight he would show up for you, to his apartment where he knew you’d be waiting after you’d unofficially moved in a week earlier.

He had plans to surprise you with dinner from your favorite restaurant, draw you a nice bath, and practically spend the rest of the evening on his knees, worshiping you like a goddess until you simply couldn’t take it anymore. 

He was practically buzzing all the way up to his apartment, excitement washing over him like a drug, euphoric and calming. He’d opened the door quietly, not wanting to alert you of his presence quite yet. 

But when he finally took in the room, fully dissected what he was seeing, the bag of take out, his keys, and his work bag fell from his hands, loudly banging against the wooden floor. 

You practically bolted out of the room, terrified, like a deer caught in headlights. You only calmed down when you noticed it was him, the hand that held a hair brush like a weapon lowering as a realization flashed over your features. 

He’d caught you in the act, caught you in the middle of…packing your bags and leaving him. 

No, this couldn’t be happening to him, not again, not like this, not you. 

“Honey,” he managed, his voice unbelievably small, on the verge of breaking apart. “What– we can talk about this, please, don’t– please don’t leave me.”

Your brows scrunched in confusion, slowly straightening, readying yourself for what you believed would be another fight. That’s when your eyes darted towards the spilled containers on the floor, his keys and bag to the other side of him, discarded. 

“I know I messed up, I know I shouldn’t have gone to that meeting, I should have told Strauss to wait until the morning,” his voice was cracking, pathetically, and he wanted nothing more than to have this conversation in the most composed way possible. 

But he had not prepared himself to find you like this, to find you in the same way he’d found Hayley all those years ago. Only then it had been his things, and tonight they were yours, and that somehow stung him even harder because last time it had been her kicking him out of her life, and tonight it was you removing yourself from his. 

You still didn’t move, your confusion slowly starting to turn to concern as he dropped to his knees in front of you, quite literally getting on his knees to beg you to stay. 

“I don’t want you to leave me, honey,” he pleaded. “Please stay, I promise I’ll do better, I’ll do whatever you want me to just please don't leave me.”

His hands wrapped around your legs then, face pressed against your stomach as he couldn’t stop the tears from pouring any longer. His entire body shaked, trembled, quacked against your own, his arms keeping you in place, stopping you from moving anywhere, even if you wanted to. 

“Baby,” you whispered and he only tightened his grip. So you stood there, let him get it all out as you gently ran your fingers over his scalp, shushing him gently as he sobbed. 

A few long minutes later, the sobs subsided into light tears and he let you unwrap his arms from you. You dropped down to your knees in an instant, cupping his face in your warm hands and pulling his gaze up to meet yours. 

“I’m sorry, baby,” you told him, wiping the wetness off his face with your thumbs. “I didn’t know this was bothering you so much, I thought we were done fighting about that.”

He let out a shaky breath, taking in the words you’d just said, allowing them to reassure his rapidly beating heart. 

“You’re not leaving?” 

“No, baby,” you smiled softly. “I wanted to surprise you,” you turned your body to the hallway leading towards his room, his own bags packed by the door. “I got Rossi to approve some time off for both of us – an entire week of sipping margaritas by the beach at one of Morgan’s friend’s resorts.”

His arms wrapped tightly around your waist then, pulling you further into him. “When did you– how did you? Why–”

“You’re right, that fight was awful, and I realized we both just needed some time alone together. To decompress and reconnect, just the two of us. What do you think?”

“I think that I don’t deserve you,” he confessed, the smallest hint of a joke desperately trying to hide the truth behind his words. 

“Oh, but you do, Aaron,” you kissed his nose. “You deserve this and so much more, I just need you to believe it. For me. Please?”

He nodded, his nose gently rubbing against yours before he leaned forward to press his lips against yours. They were a little salty from his tears and you took extra care to lap them all up, to clean his mouth of any reminder of what had just happened, a clean slate for the two of you. 

“I love you,” you spoke against his lips. 

“I love you too, honey,” he replied, placing another kiss over your lips before continuing. “So much it’s physically painful.”

You giggled then, light, airy, playful and carefree, and he couldn’t help but smile. Now this laugh he’d remember forever. 

this was...wow. holy shit. i hated putting baby through that but i think he needed to hear that.

my requests are open for pretty boy hotch, be that moments, dbf!we shouldn't (and yet we do), rough hotch, sugar daddy!hotch, or whatever your heart desires.

tags: @canuck-eh, @ssamorganhotchner

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

The Hope in the Fault Lines | Part 4

The final part....THIS HAS BEEN SO FUN. It's been a labor of love for sure, so I hope you read it and love it and reblog it and all the good things. I don’t have enough requests to have a tag list or anything so I’m relying on faith and prayers to get this in front of the ppl who liked the previous parts, so PLEASE REBLOG THIS 🥺 I’ll love you forever fr. Here are links to part 1, part 2, and part 3 if you haven't read them already! Warnings: references to child abuse (mentions of a father giving a daughter a black eye and references to a belt being used), reference to a past child custody battle, sexism, forced contact by abusive parents, drinking, grief, ptsd, some angst but just for a little, vanilla sex, oral (f receiving), I tried to leave a lot to the imagination because this was my first time writing any kind of smut, but still minors don't read or interact with it, police investigation. lmk if there's anything else! Word count: 13k (I AM SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY.)

Eleven months later 

Time was funny.

Together, you, Sara, and Mingyu had watched the summer fade into a hazy autumn, where the leaves faded into gold and red and orange and then fell, leaving bare branches clawing at the sky with skinny fingers. The winter had been a long one — Christmas was nearly unbearable without Jeri and Jisung to keep you company. But spring prevailed, as it always did, and now you watched as the latest of the April blossoms popped through the surface of the earth. 

It’s been almost a whole year since the accident. At the outset, your grief had been like a massive wall. It was hard to see around it, and pushing against it was useless. Now, the grief was still there, but had transformed into something more akin to a stray dog that followed you around. It was always present, but you could still move with it, and it wasn’t always unwelcome. The pain of loss had been tempered by the stretch of time, the therapy sessions faithfully attended every Tuesday morning, and the love that had grown between you and Sara. 

At a year and a half, she toddled around clumsily still, but could run and jump and talk. She was extremely independent and energetic, and sometimes when she was displeased the look on her face was so reminiscent of Jeri that it made you pause. However, where before that would’ve made you cry, today it fills you with comfort. You also, surprisingly, saw yourself in her — she was adventurous and tenacious, and didn’t like to be told she couldn’t do something. But she was also sweet, cooing over even the beetles in the grass or the spiders in the corner. The force of your love for her was both surprising and strong, because when she’d first come into your life, you had felt uncertain you’d ever get the hang of being a parent. Now, you could hardly imagine life without her. She made each day full of an infinite meaning — everything you did now was for her.

And then, there was Mingyu. The relationship between you was sweet and easy and didn’t demand anything more from you than you could handle. You had learned early on how kind Mingyu was and how easy it was to talk to him, but you had come to know him even better over the time since your illness, and you had become endeared by his pouty expression when you teased him, the clumsiness you suspected was a result of becoming very big very fast and still not knowing his own strength, and the comforting timbre of his voice, as well as so much more. Mingyu made you feel like you never had to do anything by yourself, with a talent for drawing the vulnerability out of you when you were keeping yourself from being helped. And even though he was positive and upbeat most of the time, he never expected that from you. His grace in handling your down days was enough to convince you that in any other circumstance, this man would have been your perfect match, inside and out.

But the circumstances are what they are, and so you can’t let yourself give in to what you want. It has been a long time since Mingyu has held you — since the nightmare, in fact. Which, you remind yourself forcefully, is a good thing. It was professional of you to keep that physical distance. Because, Heaven help you, you were struggling to keep any emotional distance between you. 

When Mingyu had come back to work after he’d stayed the night at your place that one fateful night, a pattern had begun. When you’d come home, Mingyu asked you about your day. You’d give him the low-down: “Emily dropped the pencil sharpener and thought I’d fire her…am I that scary?”, “we got a story with Brie Larsen,” “one of our writers is getting married in a few weeks and invited me”, and so on. Then you’d ask for his updates: “Sara ate a solid banana today,” “Bora and Morrie came over for a play date”, “I lost Sara for fifteen minutes today and found her in the massive drum of flour”. This usually kicked off an hours-long conversation full of teasing, laughter, and the occasional philosophical discussion that only ended when one of you mentioned Mingyu should go home and get some rest. The past eleven months of this behavior had only made you more and more drawn to Mingyu; it was how you learned he learned to cook from helping his mother in the kitchen, and that he also had a little sister whom he loved dearly, and about the friends from college he still saw frequently, all of whom he seemed to only have positive feelings for. You had started to wonder if there was a person he didn’t like. And all of this added up to you being absolutely smitten with him.

But you also keenly felt the guilt of having a crush on your nanny. After all, it felt like such a midlife-crisis move to pull. You tried to comfort yourself in the truth that Mingyu was usually the instigator whenever the both of you rocketed over those carefully drawn lines in the proverbial sand, but you knew it was also partially your responsibility, because you never talked to him about maintaining a more professional distance. The fact was, you didn’t want any more distance at all between you and Mingyu, but you understood how complicated it might be if someone who essentially made sure he could pay his bills confessed romantic feelings for him. Not that you’d ever take advantage of him, but it also felt unfair to put him in a situation where he had to trust you on that.

So you stayed as you were — for eleven months that had proven to put you through every emotion on the spectrum. You laughed at Mingyu, you competed against Mingyu, you wondered about Mingyu, you worried about Mingyu. 

But most of all, you yearned for Mingyu.

You try not to let it show as you watch Sara play with her dolls in the living room, supplemented by the dollhouse Mingyu spent a whole day building for her. “Tomorrow’s the big day!” he says. “Are you excited?”

“I am,” you hedge, half-listening as Sara clumsily tucks a doll into its bed and says goodnight. “A little nervous, too.”

“Why are you nervous?” he asks. “You’ve practiced a lot. I almost have your speech memorized by now.”

You laugh. “It’s normal to be nervous, even when you’re prepared.”

He watches you carefully, noting how after a few moments of silence your eyes slip out of focus, miles away. After eleven months, Mingyu has learned that when you get like this, you are reliving a vivid memory inside your mind. The more this happens, the worse your dreams are later. So, after catching Sara before she whacks her head on the coffee table, he puts his hand on your knee so your mind connects to your body again. “Where were you this time?” he asks, releasing a squirming Sara to the floor, his gaze between you and her.

“My sister pep talking me before my valedictorian speech,” you say in a tiny voice.

“I didn’t know you were valedictorian!” Mingyu exclaims. “You were a huge nerd, weren’t you?”

“I still am,” you say, pretending to be scandalized. “Why do you think my magazine won an award for publishing? It certainly wasn’t because academic validation isn’t important to me.”

He laughs. “Your magazine won an award for publishing because it’s awesome. But I appreciate that you’re still trying to achieve academically even though you’re almost three years post-MBA.”

“I know when I’m being made fun of,” you sniff. “And I won’t have this from you, Mr. ‘I Flunked Out of Chemistry But They Still Let Me Play Basketball’ Kim Mingyu.”

Mingyu shoots you a reluctant grin. “I never should’ve told you that, first of all,” he says. “Secondly, despite all that, I think you would’ve liked me in high school.”

“I probably would’ve,” you admit. “You, however, would never have even looked at me in high school,” you say. “I had glasses, braces, the whole nine yards.”

He stretches, laughing. “I was into nerds, actually. Still am, in fact.” He smiles to himself, on cue with your heart turning all the way over in your chest.

You’re in dangerous territory, so you steer away. “Have you been practicing your ponytails?” you say seriously.

“Who do you think I am? Of course I have.”

“And you’re still not gonna show me what her hair looks like until the day of?”

“Of course not. It’s bad luck.”

You scoff. “I’m almost positive nobody thinks that.”

“I’m pretty sure I think that,” he counters.

“And I don’t even get to see her dress?” you ask.

“Not unless I get to see yours.”

You grin — this had been a constant “argument” since you’d come home with the dress bag, and you had denied his request to look at it. “What if I hate her dress?”

Mingyu shakes his head. “It’s impossible. She’s the cutest little girl in the world. So even if the dress sucks, she’s gonna look darling in it.”

“You make a good point,” you admit. “The dress doesn’t suck though, right?”

“You have so little faith in my taste,” Mingyu says, frowning. Then he lights up again and abruptly changes the subject. “Also, get this — Wonwoo says he’s gonna come and he’ll bring a girl.”

“Oh?” you say, lifting Sara off the ground as she reaches for one of the spark plugs in the wall. “Is it the same girl he brought home a couple weeks ago?” You’d become friends with Mingyu’s bespectacled, tech-savvy roommate due to occasional contact over the past almost-year, and the thought of him with a girl is sweet.

“Yeah,” Mingyu says. “But here’s the thing. He insisted — emphatically — that nothing was going on between them. They were just friends.”

“How long ago?”

“Like two weeks.”

“Maybe for one of them that’s true,” you suggest. “I mean, maybe he doesn’t like her like that.”

“No, he definitely does.”

“Okay, well, maybe she doesn’t like him like that.”

“Have you seen him?”

You laugh. “Have you seen yourself? I mean, if she hangs out at your place pretty often there’s really no reason she couldn’t like you too.”

Mingyu blushes, an uncharacteristically bashful move on his part, and you realize how much you’ve just given away. So you, blushing too, move over to Sara, beginning to play with her hands and let her grab at your necklace. “I should probably go,” Mingyu says. “Gotta be here early tomorrow to make sure you don’t sleep through your alarm again.”

“I only did that one time,” you protest. “And I don’t think I’ll sleep at all tonight.”

He makes a sympathetic noise. “Well, at least try, will you? It’s a big day for you, and you should be able to enjoy it.”

You smile up at him. “You’re right. Thank you, Mingyu. Say bye bye to Mingyu, Sara.”

“Bye, Googoo!!” Sara squeals — her endearing nickname for Mingyu. 

She bounds over to him, and he sweeps her into his arms for a swift hug before setting her down gently. “Bye, Sara!”

***

“Wow,” Mingyu says, his eyes wide and mouth open.

You tug at the tight, silvery-blue fabric of the floor-length gown you wear, blushing. “Thanks.”

“You’re always pretty,” Mingyu begins, finally recovering from the shock of seeing you like this enough to speak.

“Oh, stop it,” you protest, hiding your face in your hands.

“But this is … wow,” he finishes.

Your face could not be warmer. “Please desist before I’m so embarrassed that I have to change.” You peek from behind your fingers at Mingyu, who is looking positively devastating in a suit and is holding Sara in her fluffy pink dress. He was right about her looking cute in anything, but the dress suits your sweet, sassy, rambunctious little girl. And, true to his word, he has tugged her hair into two adorable pigtails fitted with feathery pink bows to match the dress. “You did an amazing job with Sara.”

Mingyu finally tears his eyes away from you to look proudly at Sara’s outfit. “Never doubt me again,” he jokes.

“I never will,” you vow. 

“Well, I think we need to leave,” Mingyu says. “I wonder what everyone will think about me arriving with the two prettiest girls at the party.”

You roll your eyes as you grab your things. “You’ll fit right in,” you tell him. “You look amazing.”

“Thanks,” he says, wrestling a grumpy Sara into her car seat. “Shall we?”

The party is a fancy affair. Big names in publishing mill around with your employees, some turning to greet you and offer words of congratulations when you walk in. Mingyu is impressed with how gracious and genuine you are with everyone, even the people you’re just being introduced to, his heart swelling with pride whenever you include him and Sara as a part of your introduction. 

Sara is amazed at the surroundings, looking around the beautifully furnished hotel meeting room with its twinkling lights in an overstimulated stupor. Plenty of the female employees are talking and whispering at the sight of her in Mingyu’s arms, a few even venturing to approach him and play with Sara’s hands or feet. “So, are you her boyfriend?” A blonde in a stunning red dress asks, leaning in with hooded eyes.

“No, I’m just her nanny,” Mingyu says with a laugh. “Um, excuse me.” 

You have to bite back a smile as Mingyu meets eyes with you nervously. “Meredith from accounting is zeroed in on you, I see,” you tease him. 

“She’s very friendly,” Mingyu agrees. “I think I saw Wonwoo come in, though.”

You look toward the door. There he is — tall, slender, with his signature glasses and a shy but very happy smile, hand-in-hand with a pretty girl in a pink dress. “They look cozy,” you observe. “Say hi to him for me, will you? I need to get ready to speak to everyone.”

Mingyu gives you a prolonged look that makes you more nervous than even the impending speech before he answers, “sure thing, boss. Break a leg. You’ll be great.”

It feels surreal — all of these people are mostly people who you see every day, mingling with publishing giants and friends, and everything is different. After what feels like no time at all, you take the low stage to begin your speech.

You take a deep breath, looking in the crowd for two specific people, and it isn’t until you’ve met eyes with Mingyu, who is softly smiling at you, and aimed a wave at Sara, that you begin. “This award is something I’ve been working toward since we started the magazine. I naively thought that receiving this award would finally help me to feel like I belonged in this industry, or that all the time I’d spend slaving for this business was actually worth it.

“The past year, however, has been the absolute hardest of my life. As many of you know, my sister -- the person who encouraged me to start this business, and the person without whom many of you, including me, would probably not have jobs -- was killed in a hit-and-run accident a year ago Thursday. And when you go through something like that, well...your perspective on life definitely changes. I have always been a believer in the power of story, but because of the life-altering experiences I’ve had over the course of this brutal year, I gained new insight into the stories that we should be telling with the voices we have in the time that we have them. I’m convinced that the team’s vision aligning so well with this change in priorities is why I’m on this stage accepting this award. So I have some people to thank for this.”

You’re practiced enough that your voice only shakes a little as you begin this part. “Firstly, my editor, Cory, who not only held us together while I was completely incapacitated, but also understood perfectly how to make this thing into the kind of thing that wins awards like this. If this was a ship, Cory would be at the helm, and I’m so glad that we have someone who is a perfect navigator. Cory knows the metaphorical sea and stars like an albatross, and he deserves to be the one speaking to you today, but we drew lots and I got the short stick.” The crowd laughs, and in the audience, Cory raises his glass to you, his arm snaked around the waist of his new girlfriend Lele.

You smile at his gesture and continue. “Secondly, to my assistant, Emily. She was hired only one single month before the accident, and she has become indispensable to me. One thing you should know about her is that her desire to do everything she can for anyone who needs it is not just one of her biggest professional strengths, it is also one of her best personal ones. Her competence and kindness will take her far -- here or wherever she goes.” When you spot Emily, her eyes are streaming with tears, and she gives you a little apologetic shrug as she wipes her eyes.

“Thirdly, I cannot thank the writing team, the creative team, the social media team, and the editing staff enough for supporting me through my bereavement and continuing to do such excellent work. I am grateful to have hired the right people, so that I can be confident that this important work we do will not be stopped if I am stopped.”

Now, the final message -- the part you hadn’t shown Mingyu yet. Partially because you wanted to surprise him, and partially because you were terrified of what he would know about you because of it, and you wanted to prolong the moment. You steady yourself and press on. “Finally, there have been a number of people in my personal life without whom I couldn’t be here today. Friends who pulled me out of the mud, almost literally, neighbors who looked out for my lawn, the kindest friend who watches my beautiful niece while I come to work --” and at this point, you intentionally avoid Mingyu’s gaze, “and Sara herself, who gives me a reason to wake up in the morning and who carries Jeri with her in her eyes. You have all been my hope in the fault lines, and without you, I would be so lost. Thank you for being my solid ground when everything around me was shaking.

“And of course, to my dear sister, my best friend, Jeri. From wherever you are, know that this award means infinitely more because of what I learned from you. I wish I could’ve learned it with you beside me, but I’m hoping every single day that when it’s my time, I’m even half of the person you are. Thank you.”

The audience applauds, and someone hands you a small glass statue as the physical evidence of your award, and pictures are snapped, and then it’s all over. You’re back in the crowd, and you’re drained and a bit embarrassed and empty, and the only person you want to talk to is Mingyu. You want to run to him and throw yourself into his arms and let him carry you away from the stage and the people who are flocking to you to hug you and offer condolences and shake your hand and congratulate you. But you can’t, so you let them approach until Emily (bless her) extracts you from the crowd.

“Your parents came,” she whispers to you, and you feel your jaw clench. 

“Where are they?” you ask through your gritted teeth. 

“By the food. I’ve tried to hold them off, but they want to meet Sara.”

“Where is she?”

“Mingyu’s changing her diaper.”

You grab Cory’s arm as he passes. “My parents are here. Please go in the bathroom and tell Mingyu not to leave until you come back to get him.” With an alarmed look, he obeys, and you stalk toward the two elderly people staring haughtily around at the crowd at the food table.

Your mother sees you first. As she meets your eyes you remember her wearing that same look while your father had “disciplined” you — with a belt. It’s a shrewd look, a calculating one. The last night you’d lived with them, before you’d taken Jeri and gotten out of that place, she had told him she didn’t think the message was sinking in enough. She suggested more stripes might remind you of “a woman’s place.”

As hard as she is to look at, he is infinitely worse. Your father has grown hunched in the ten years since you’ve seen him, his face becoming even more gaunt and severe, almost cartoonish in its caricatured lines. You stand up straighter and realize that you’re not afraid of him anymore. “What are you doing here?” you ask, your voice quiet so as not to attract attention and cause a scene. 

“Is it a crime to want to see my daughter and granddaughter?” your father croaks.

“I don’t remember inviting you,” you say shortly. “I want to know how you found out about this.”

“I read about it in the paper,” he says.

“Well, thank you for coming,” you say. “But I think I made it clear that I don’t want contact with you after the trial.”

“The judge only ruled that Sara would live with you. They didn’t mention that we could never see her,” your mother claims.

“No, they didn’t say that. But I did,” you remind her, your voice surprisingly gentle despite your anger.

There is a sudden warmth from a hand at your shoulder. “Are you okay?” Mingyu asks quietly.

You turn to face him, giving him a tight smile. “Yeah,” you say, a bit shaken but still determined. “Where’s Sara?”

“Wonwoo is watching her,” he replies. “Do you need help with them?”

You had told him about your parents and the vaguest details of their abuse around month four. He knew you’d left home at seventeen with Jeri in tow, determined to let her be safer than you had been. He knew that there had been a nasty custody battle necessitating your admission of everything they’d done to you so that Sara would never be subjected to the childhood you had. He didn’t know that you’d had to teach yourself how to do makeup in seventh grade to hide the black eye your father had given you, because your mother believed makeup to be deceitful and of the devil. He didn’t know all the times you’d stepped in front of Jeri to prevent your father from hurting her. He didn’t know the fear you’d felt when they took you to court to try and take your niece away from you — all on the basis that a child without her father, raised by only a woman, could never be complete.

He didn’t know everything, but still he was there at your side. Big and strong and never angry except for right now, his dark eyes flashing and his mouth set in a straight line. You’d wondered how your soft, silly, sweet Mingyu had managed to survive for years as a federal agent, but now you knew. Mingyu could be intimidating if he wanted to be – he simply chose not to be most of the time.

You sigh, relieved. “I think I would like help with them, actually.”

This is all Mingyu needs to spring into action. He moves for your father, taking him by the arm in what you’re sure is a vice grip, as you link an arm around your mother’s arm. “I need the both of you to go,” you tell her. “And if I see you again, I’ll file a restraining order. Don’t think I won’t. I’d prefer not to do it, so just leave us alone. We’re happy.” You release her in the hotel lobby, and she and your father scurry away. 

As you walk back to the party with Mingyu, you ask, “did he say anything to you?”

Mingyu shrugs. “Nothing worth repeating.” The two of you hunt down Sara, and you give her a big hug before letting her finally wander around on her own two feet, which she’s been begging Wonwoo to do. It does your heart good to watch her be herself without any fear of retribution.

You’re surprised at how normal you feel after returning to the group. Your hands still shake, and you do keep a closer eye on Sara than normal, but you don’t dwell on it. It didn’t burn you like you expected to see them again. Perhaps, you reason, although the pain of seeing your parents again is very different from your grief, and there is nearly ten years of distance between that pain and your current life, you have actually become stronger. The thought makes you warm from the inside out. The rest of the event goes by in a blur -- all the way up until you overhear Mingyu talking to Wonwoo. “Come out with us tonight,” Wonwoo plies.

“I don’t know,” Mingyu says, sounding reluctant.

“You should,” you find yourself saying, grinning as they both jump at your words. “Sorry for eavesdropping. Why wouldn’t you go?”

Mingyu snorts. “I’ll go if you go.”

You grin regretfully at Wonwoo. “Sorry,” you say. “I have the duties of motherhood to attend to.”

Bora is standing nearby and interjects. “Actually, I think it’d be great if you went. I can take Sara tonight.”

You shoot her a look. “I wasn’t even invited. That was a joke.”

“No, you’re definitely invited,” Wonwoo says. “Please come. Seungcheol is going to be there, and he just got rejected, so he needs someone more responsible than me to look after him. Who better than a literal mother?”

You roll your eyes. “I didn’t birth her, Wonwoo.”

“You’re still her mom,” says Bora. “I’m taking her home with me. Go out, have fun! It’ll be good for you. The last time you went out, you ended up finding Mingyu. So maybe tonight something great will happen.”

You can hear the suggestive edge in her voice. It has you glaring daggers at her as she reaches for Sara. “I’ll leave you to it,” she says, and scurries away.

***

“I’m not good at drinking,” you confess over the music.

“Then don’t drink too much,” Wonwoo says. 

“Is everything just that simple for you?” you ask him, amused. 

He grins. “Actually, yes.” He looks over to where the girl he brought and Mingyu are chatting happily about some inane thing, and frowns. “Sometimes even I complicate things, though.”

“I think she really likes you.” Wonwoo turns to look at you, eyes wide, and you chuckle. “I think we’re alike,” you explain. “Neither of us are very forward usually, or very good at expressing ourselves.”

Wonwoo nods with a sheepish grin. “That’s accurate.”

“So…do you like her?” you ask him bluntly.

Wonwoo clears his throat and downs a shot before replying. “I’ve been in love with her for a long time.”

“And you still haven’t said anything?” you ask sympathetically.

“Well, I mean, we’ve kissed. And we’ve held hands. And I kind of confessed.”

You eye him skeptically. “And would you say she’s more like you and I, personality-wise, or more like Mingyu?”

“Definitely Mingyu,” he replies. 

“Do you think Mingyu would pick up on a half-confession?”

Wonwoo thinks to himself. “He’d probably understand what you’re saying, but I think he’d be too worried to do anything about it unless you were explicit. He’s too polite and cautious to cross a line like that.”

You try not to think about what he’s saying in the context of you and Mingyu, but it’s hard. “So, do you know what you need to do?” you ask him, trying to focus on the task at hand.

“Own up to my feelings, probably.” Wonwoo laughs at himself.

“You’ve already kissed,” you point out. “And she’s stuck around. If she hated that you kissed her, it might be one thing, but it seems to me like she’s pretty into being with you. You don’t have to be poetic, just tell her how she makes you feel and let her respond how she wants.”

He nods, putting the shot glass back on the bar and standing up. “Thanks,” he says. “You might consider taking your own advice, too.” And with that, he walks across the room to the girl and leans in to whisper something to her. The two of them leave together, and Mingyu turns to look at you, giving you a quizzical look. 

“What did you say to him?” he asks, coming to sit in Wonwoo’s vacated seat.

“I told him to go for it,” you say, your head still buzzing with Wonwoo’s last comment to you. You sip sparingly at your piña colada and sigh. “What are we even doing here?” you ask Mingyu with an uncharacteristic giggle, probably brought on by the alcohol in your system. “I’ve never been a person who goes to bars, and since becoming a parent, I am even less of one.”

Mingyu laughs. “Well, I was having a great time talking with Wonwoo’s girl, until someone decided to be an inspiration. As per usual.”

“Where are Seungcheol and Vernon?” you say, ignoring his compliment but for a small grin.

“I think they’re in an intense game of pool. Vernon’s doing a better job distracting Cheol than I thought he would,” Mingyu says. “Although they’re both super drunk. We should go check on them.”

Mingyu takes your hand and guides you through the crowded bar, to a back room with a pool table, a ping pong table, and a couple of old arcade games. Vernon and Seungcheol have abandoned the pool table and are standing by the ancient-looking jukebox. As you watch, Seungcheol whacks the jukebox with his fist, and then groans in pain. Mingyu wordlessly jogs over to them and grabs Seungcheol’s hand to inspect it.

“Wanted it to play that one song,” Seungcheol slurs at Mingyu as you approach. “The one that reminds me of her.”

Mingyu looks at him in a mixture of amusement and worry. “Which one?”

“She’s Got a Way,” Vernon says, stumbling over. “Billy Joel is the best.”

“I think you should sit down,” Mingyu says to both of them as they lean heavily on him. You grab Vernon by the arm and help him over to the nearest collection of chairs, just as a pretty girl in a black dress strides up to Mingyu helping Seungcheol. 

“Hi, handsome,” she says. 

“Pia?” Mingyu says, shocked. “Oh, wow. Um, hi! It’s been awhile.” He rubs the back of his neck nervously.

“Sure has, soldier.” She doesn’t spare you or either of the other two men a single glance -- her focus is solely on Mingyu. “Where have you been?”

“I was living in Italy for a minute. You know, doing the whole nannying thing still.” He clears his throat. “But I’ve been back awhile.”

“Huh,” Pia says. “Can’t believe you haven’t lost your mind around all those kids yet. Let me buy you a drink. You can tell me all about it.”

Mingyu shoots you a sideways glance. You want to drag him away from her -- with your teeth, if necessary -- but you say nothing, hoping your face isn’t betraying the open hostility in your heart. “I don’t know,” he says, hesitating. “I’m supposed to drive later.”

“Then I’ll buy you a virgin daiquiri. Nothing hokey, I promise,” she says smoothly, taking Mingyu’s arm. “I’ll have you back here before you know it.” And with that, she waltzes him away as he looks at you, wide-eyed, over his shoulder.

You aren’t really mad at him. You could tell that if it were up to him, he’d have stayed with the three of you -- if only because he was worried about Vernon and Seungcheol being too much for you. And yet, it still rankled to see him walking away with another woman.

Another very pretty woman.

Maybe it’s this that leads you to order another drink when the waiter comes around. And another. Two drinks was enough alcohol to get you shit-faced. Three has you singing along to She’s Got a Way with the other two when it finally plays, even though you never sing.

By the time Mingyu arrives back to your group, he is shocked to see you with your arms slung around the other two, your cheeks pink and your eyes bright, belting another song along with them while Seungcheol weeps unabashedly into your shoulder.

“I think it’s time to leave,” he says, amused, propping Seungcheol up. “Stay right there, baby. I’ll be back.”

You blink. It feels like time is moving in slow motion as Mingyu turns to leave the bar. “Did he just call me baby?” you ask Vernon stupidly.

“I think so,” Vernon says, nodding. “It’d be weird if he called me that.” 

You frown. “Why does he do stuff like that?”

Vernon shakes his head. “I don’t know. But what I do know is that the room is spinning, which means I drank too much, so I’m gonna just lay down for a second.”

You watch Vernon put his forehead to the table and give a drunken scoff. Mingyu arrives shortly afterward, lifting you princess-style out of your chair as though you weigh nothing and telling Vernon he’ll be back. He lays you in the passenger seat of your car, grinning down at you. “I see why you don’t drink often,” he teases. “You really are a lightweight.”

Seungcheol groans from the backseat. “Kiss her,” he commands, too loud, causing passerby to look over in shock.

To Mingyu’s surprise, your eyes light up. You still have a hand gripping his soft tee from when the world tilted alarmingly as he hoisted you off the chair, and your eyes are out of focus and you keep blinking at him to try and see him, and you’re uncomfortably aware that your hair is plastered to your forehead with sweat. 

Adorable. He can’t help but think it. The alcohol has done its job admirably — your cheeks are flushed, and your usually-guarded gaze is open and almost dangerous in your blatant desire for him. It takes everything in him to restrain himself from listening to Seungcheol and kissing you in front of all these people. 

But you’re so drunk, and he cares too much about you to do it like this, so he gently removes your fist from his shirt and runs back into the bar to get Vernon, hearing Seungcheol yell “Coward!” at him as he retreats. In no time he packs Vernon into the back of the car and drives off, monitoring you in the passenger side. 

Seungcheol gets out at Vernon’s house, and together they stagger inside. Mingyu watches them in amusement until he hears you sniffling. Alarmed, he looks down to see you crying quietly into your hands.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, befuddled. 

“I’m drunk,” you say in a choked, muffled voice. “People just cry when they’re drunk sometimes.”

He shrugs, then pats your shoulder. “I guess you’re right.” But he continues to watch as your tears continue to fall. Finally he pulls up to your house, and you claw at your seatbelt, trying to pull yourself loose. He chuckles and pops the button easily, and you fling the door open and promptly fall out of the car.

In a panic, Mingyu runs around the side of the car to see you weeping on your own driveway. When he moves to help you, you weakly try to push him away. “What’s going on, honey?” he says, suddenly realizing you may not have told him the truth earlier about the reason for your tears. 

“I’m mad at you,” you admit, wiping your eyes. “And I cry when I’m mad.”

He purses his lips. “Well, can I at least get you inside? Then we can talk about it.”

You hesitate, then nod. Wordlessly he scoops you into his arms, and despite everything you’re feeling, you tuck yourself into the crook of his neck. He’s so warm, and you breathe in his scent, feeling the pain of the fall and your own feelings ease a little. 

“So,” he says after he’s propped you up on your couch. “What’s this about, huh?”

You look up at him with red eyes. “I’m not actually mad at you.” You take a deep breath in. “I’m mad at me.”

The realization had hit you when you’d reached Vernon’s apartment. You had broken your own heart, beyond what you thought was possible after losing your sister, because every version of your future that you had even the slightest desire to live in had Mingyu in it. And not as your nanny — as your partner. The sudden impossibility of any of those futures becoming reality has rushed to you, because Mingyu needs a job, and you need a nanny, and to change anything about your relationship would cost him his livelihood — or cost the both of you the relationship you already have.

The only thing more impossible than explaining this was staying quiet, however.

So when he asks why, you tell him. “I ruined everything, Mingyu. I … I put us both in the worst possible situation.”

“How?” His eyes are zeroed in on your face, alight in the dim room. 

You can almost taste your own heartbeat as you reply. “I…fell in love with you.”

Mingyu’s jaw drops. 

“I know, it’s stupid. And you…you have better options than me, plus…we’re impossible. You and me, it would never work anyway. But I had to say it before I catch fire from the inside out.”

When you finally look at Mingyu, his shock has turned into a pained expression. “Impossible?” he repeats quietly.

You nod sleepily as the tears overtake you again. “Like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole,” you confirm, sniffling.

“Why is it impossible?” he asks. “Explain that.” For the first time since you’ve known Mingyu, he sounds angry with you. 

And this makes you angry, too.

“Because this is not the life you deserve,” you say, your voice too loud for the living room. “Me, my grief, my baggage, a kid — you deserve your own family. One that isn’t so … messy.” Your voice cracks near the end of your rant, but you choke your tears down like you had in front of your parents and their rage all those years ago. 

“What if you’re enough for me?” he challenges, eyes flashing.

“I’m not going to let you throw the whole life you could have with someone else away for someone who can’t give you what you want!” you yell. “I can’t love you like you deserve, Mingyu!”

Mingyu’s face crumples from anger to shattering grief. He stands up, grabs his jacket, and heads for the door. 

You want to yell at him to come back, but feel too guilty and tired and stressed and awful to say a word. Before he opens the door, he half turns over his shoulder, not meeting your eyes. “I know you, and I know how you love. And it’s more than enough. You are what I want.” His tone is so careful and measured that you know he wants to yell back at you. He couldn’t be more serious, or more plain about what he’s saying. He finally looks into your eyes as he opens the door.

“If you ever stop being afraid of that, you know where to find me,” he says quietly.

And without another glance, he steps into the night, letting the door shut with an awful sense of finality.

***

“Get up,” says Bora sternly, ripping the sheets off you. 

You groan and bury your face in your pillows. “No,” you say.

“Sara has been asking for you,” she insists. 

You glare at her, but push yourself up and follow her downstairs. Sara is playing happily on the floor with Morrie. When she catches sight of you, she yells her toddler version of your name. Your heart partially pieces itself back together, and you respond to her reaching arms by pulling her close. “Hey, baby. Did you have a fun sleepover?”

“Yeah!” Sara yells excitedly. “We had soooooooooo much fun!!”

“We played with my princess toys,” Morrie informs you. 

“Oh did you?” you say, trying to mimic their excitement. 

“Yeah!! Mommy said you went out to have fun with a cute boy,” Morrie says. “Did you have fun?”

You glance over at Bora before responding. “I may have had a little too much fun.”

Bora hisses, but you shake your head at her, letting her know with your eyes that you’ll talk later. She hangs around for the morning, and when Morrie and Sara go down for their naps, she corners you.

“Tell me why Mingyu didn’t show up this morning,” she demands.

You sigh. “Because I am the dumbest, stupidest idiot known to all mankind.” And you tell her everything.

She listens intently. “And then he texted this morning and told me he needed some time,” you finish, swallowing hard around the lump in your throat.

“So what are you gonna do about it?” she asks you. You note the strain in her tone and realize she’s mad at you too.

“I don’t know,” you snap, her anger and your own pain making you feel trapped and defensive. 

“That man is in love with you,” she says, exasperated. “I mean, it was really obvious that he feels the same way about you that you feel about him. And you’re just going to stubbornly suggest that he’s too good for you?”

“He literally is, though,” you say, desperate to make her understand. “He’s the perfect man. He could be with anyone. I have a kid and a company, and he deserves someone’s full attention and full heart, and that will never be me.”

Bora’s shaking her head. “No, listen to me. You’ve always been like this. You think love is this finite thing and once you give it to one thing you don’t have enough to give to something else. I thought Sara would change that about you. Do you forget about Sara when you’re at work?” 

You think to yourself. No, in fact. You thought about her constantly. You even did your job in the hope that one day she would know she could do whatever she set her mind to. “And did you stop running your business just because you became Sara’s guardian?” Bora asks you, watching you as you think. “Of course you didn’t. Because love isn’t finite, you dummy.”

You stare at her, unconvinced. She sighs. “Sweetheart, I see the way you look at him. I know you know you have feelings for him, but when you think about an entire lifetime without Mingyu, when you think about him moving on with someone else, how does that feel?”

“Unbearable,” you whisper. You’ve already thought about it -- all last night, after you sobered up, you thought about what would happen to you if that was the last time you ever saw Mingyu. You knew you’d keep going, for Sara, like always. But you also knew you’d be a shell of who you were when you were with him, and you didn’t like to think how long it would take for you to fill yourself back up.

Which brings you to a greater worry. “What if I just…got attached? Because he was something for me to hold onto during all this?” you ask her.

“So what if you did? That’s as real a reason to be attached to someone as I can think of.”

“I don’t want to be trauma-bonded, Bora.”

She rolls her eyes. “Have you ever heard him say anything mean? About anyone?”

“No?” Because he hadn’t. Not even your parents. He was unfailingly kind.

“And has he ever made you feel inferior, for any reason?”

“Of course not,” you say. In fact, even when he teased, he was never disrespectful.

“And are the two of you able to talk about things together without antagonizing each other?”

“Yes,” you tell her, realizing all at once that your friendship with Mingyu is one of the healthiest you have.

Bora nods. “You need to go see him.” She grabs your hand and starts tugging you up the stairs.

“But I just got Sara back, and he says he needs time!” you protest, shocked.

“He needs time from the you that didn’t know you didn’t want to live without him,” she says forcefully, throwing one of your duffel bags onto your bed and tossing a random assortment of clothing into it.

“Why are we packing?” you ask her in alarm.

“You aren’t coming home tonight,” she says matter-of-factly.

“I’m not?”

“For the smartest person I know, you’re an absolute idiot,” she says. “Grab pajamas, sweetie.”

You know better than to argue with Bora when she gets into tornado mode. So you pull out your favorite sweatpants and a hoodie. Bora looks at your selections with a critical eye. “Comfort over style?” she asks, moving to your dresser. She opens the top drawer and extracts the pretty pink lingerie an ex boyfriend got you for Christmas three years ago. 

“What is that for?” you ask as she grabs a black bra and panty set and shoves it into the bag as well. You feel the heat rising in your cheeks, the beating of your heart suddenly rattling in your brain.

She doesn’t respond, just takes you out to your car and hands you the keys she grabbed -- still on the counter where Mingyu had left them the night before. “I’m prohibiting you from coming home tonight. I’ll take care of Sara. Don’t worry about anything, just go.”

It’s not until you’re on the road that it hits you fully what you’re about to do. You’ve never done anything like this before -- never cared enough to take the risk that you’re about to take. You try not to imagine him slamming the door in your face and drive faster, wanting to get to the part where you’re standing in front of him saying what you need to say. 

Finally, you arrive. You take a deep breath before dashing from the car to knock on Mingyu’s door. Your knocks are so persistent and loud that he answers right away, looking shocked to see you of all people on his porch with a duffel bag.

The first words out of his mouth aren’t what you expect. “Are you fleeing the country?”

“Huh?” you ask. 

“Your duffel bag. And you look like you just robbed a bank,” he says with an eyebrow raised.

“Oh. Um, no. I...can I come in? I really need to talk to you.” You can hear how thick your voice sounds, and you try to clear your throat, but breathing is hard. Because there he is -- wet hair from a recent shower, white tank top with massive arms fully visible, and eyes that only just barely betray the hurt of the night before. The hurt you caused.

He steps aside to let you in, and you scurry past him and lay your bag down before you turn to face him. “Is Wonwoo here?” you ask first. 

“Nah, he stayed with his girl last night.” Mingyu’s eyes are steady on you, urging you to explain yourself, and you’re more nervous than ever. You rub your slick palms on your sweatpants and will yourself to find the words to continue.

“I’m so scared,” you finally whisper to him. 

His face is stony, unreadable. “Of what?” he asks.

“Everything,” you tell him. “All of this. I’m scared of you most of all.”

He softens a little. “Why?” he asks, taking a step toward you.

You step forward too -- close enough to touch him. And for the first time in your life, you make the move, reaching forward and taking his big hand in yours. “Because you, Kim Mingyu, could ruin me. I love you in a way that’s never supposed to end, and that terrifies me. I don’t ever want to lose you. And I could. I might have already.”

He’s very still, watching your face, looking for any signs of a lie. It’s such a relief to be touching him, and you’re so high on the feeling of his warm hand in yours, that you sigh as you bring his knuckles to your lips, breathing a kiss over each one.

“You mean it,” he says quietly, watching you adore him.

“I do,” you say. “I really, really do. I love you, Kim Mingyu.” 

Those are the words that seem to hit him like a comet breaking through the atmosphere. He tugs you forward and into his arms and buries his face in your neck, squeezing you hard enough that you feel your ribs crack.  

“I love you too,” he says, and you hear the hint of tears in his voice. “I wish I could find a way to tell you how I feel right now,” Mingyu says into your hair. “I meant what I said. You’re everything I ever wanted. Sara, too.”

And you know there’s still things that you’ll need to work out, but when you’re in Mingyu’s arms, it all seems to matter a lot less. The relief is instantaneous, his touch soothing the tightness in your chest, and you finally let yourself open up fully, melting into him and squeezing him back. Mingyu lets go of you only briefly and only partially to pull you over to the sofa, wrapping his arms around your middle from behind and pulling you to his chest. 

“What made you decide to come?” he asks you, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You give a small laugh. “Bora,” you say. “It was actually barely my choice at all. She basically threw me out of my own house.”

You can feel the vibration of his own chuckle where your head rests against his chest. “Thank goodness for Bora.”

“Mmm,” you say in agreement, relaxing into his embrace. Mingyu’s arms tighten around you, and he leans down to kiss your shoulder through your several layers of sweatshirt. “So, how long have you liked me?” you ask him shyly.

He sighs. “It was almost at first sight for me,” he admits, blushing as your jaw drops. “I’m serious! You looked so cute that first morning. So frazzled, too.”

“Imagine my shock,” you explain, “when I hire a nanny and someone who looks like you shows up.” You trace a light hand up and down the arms wrapped around you, watching as they erupt into goosebumps. 

“What do you mean? Did I look irresponsible?” he teases.

“No, you’re just the hottest man alive,” you say, grinning at him over your shoulder. 

He looks both shy and pleased with himself. “I am?” he asks, his smile growing.

You turn back around and sink into him again. “My love, I’m going to need you to invest in a mirror. You clearly don’t know what you look like.”

Mingyu gives a soft laugh. Slowly and deliberately, he kisses down the side of your face from your temple down your cheekbone, bringing a hand up to turn your head to face him. “Would you like a kiss from the hottest man alive?” he asks very seriously, but he can’t help the corners of his mouth from turning upward just a bit.

You nod, privately and internally screaming to yourself. It’s been a very long time -- what if you’re bad at it? 

But Mingyu is so careful. He just barely tilts your chin up and lets your lips meet his, soft and warm and tender. You let your lips part slightly, and lean in just slightly more, adding a bit of pressure. His hand on your face is steady and strong, and you can taste coconut oil on his lips from his chapstick. Kissing Mingyu is heaven, as thrilling as a roller coaster but as safe as a night at home in Sara’s rocking chair. Your mind is full of him — everything else seems to evaporate as though Mingyu is the only real thing in the world, and you cling to him, trembling, as though he might disappear too. You have to remind yourself to take it slow, although your heart clattering against your ribs is begging you for more from his lips, but can’t help a soft hum of pleasure from escaping you as he breaks the kiss and comes back for another, slipping his hand from your cheek to the back of your neck.

He smiles against your lips at the sound. “Enjoying yourself?” he asks, pulling away a bit.

And although you’re trembling with a surplus of emotions, you manage an eye roll. “I don’t have to answer that,” you say, breathing too heavily.

Those darling crow’s feet appear at the corners of his eyes as he notices the heat rising in your face, even brushing a thumb along the pink that has appeared on the apple of your cheek. “I would do things all the time to make that happen,” he admits, dropping a feather light kiss on your cheek. “You looked so cute, and it also made me feel like maybe you might love me back one day.”

“For your information, I liked you almost this entire time, too,” you tell him.

“When did it shift?” he asks. “Between liking me and loving me, I mean.”

You consider. “I think it became clearer to me when Sara started calling you dad — you remember? It was around her first birthday.”

“I remember!” he says. “I was worried you’d be mad.”

You smile. “I wasn’t mad at all. It occurred to me then that I couldn’t see myself finding anyone else to love Sara the same way, or that it would just all feel wrong and weird if it wasn’t you. I thought about it plenty of times beforehand, though. I think the first time I felt something real was when I got sick.”

“Two weeks in?” Mingyu asks, surprised.

“Yeah, about that long,” you confirm, and his eyes go wide.

“We’ve really just been driving each other crazy and not saying anything for the past however many months?” He laughs his high-pitched giggle. “We’re idiots!”

“Well, we figured it out eventually,” you say, spinning around to face him. “Now, I have a question.”

“Ask away,” he says, his eyes soft and adoring as he gazes at you.

“Why did you fall for me? I’m a wreck.”

He laughs again, and you swat at his arm. “I’m being serious. You couldn’t have come into my life in worse circumstances, and you’ve seen me at every extreme. Why do you love me? Why not someone...I don’t know, younger? Less riddled with grief? Someone who isn’t a package deal?”

He thinks for a minute. “Well, you’re not a decrepit old woman, as much as you might think you are. I’m actually six months older than you,” he informs you.

“You are? How do you know?” 

“Your birthday is October 16. Mine is April 6 of the same year.”

“How do you know that?” you repeat, shocked.

“I stalked you on social media,” he replies, blushing himself.

You decide to let this go. “But you still haven’t explained why you love me,” you protest.

He looks at you, grinning at your eagerness with stars in his eyes, brushing your hair out of your face to see you better. “The first thing I loved about you was how much love you had for your niece,” he begins. “You didn’t resent her at all even though she’d sort of wrecked your whole life plan. That said something about you. I could tell you had a good heart.” He pauses. “The second thing I loved about you was your ass.”

You gape at him. He bursts into laughter, and you shove his shoulder. “I’m kidding,” he says. “Although,” he continues, reaching around to lift you onto his lap by said ass, “it is pretty incredible.” 

You have to rest your hands on his chest to keep yourself upright, but you avoid meeting his eyes, even though you’re straddling him. You’re feeling like someone zapped you with a bolt of lightning as a tingle spreads from your inside out. “Hey,” he says softly. “Look at me, baby.”

You force yourself to look into his eyes, which are warm and smiling at you over a fine dusting of freckles across his nose. He shifts his weight a bit so you’re resting more comfortably across his hips, and your breathing grows heavier. “Is this okay?” he asks, a bit amused at how much the simple change in position seems to be affecting you.

Trying to look unbothered, you nod. “Please go on,” you say. 

“What was I saying?” he asks, his hand dancing down your spine and making you shiver, still grinning up at you.

“Something about my ass,” you tell him, and he laughs. 

“Right,” he says. “But seeing how you treated Sara was the first thing. Then I appreciated how hard you worked. And then I loved your humor and how you teased me. And then I admired how you opened up to me. And then —“

“Alright, enough,” you interrupt, embarrassed.

“The point is,” he continues with a broad smile, “it all came down to how much love you had inside you. You loved everything and everyone so much, in a way that was so unique to anyone I’d ever met. It was just you.” 

You laugh at this – the very reason he fell for you was the thing you were worried about not being able to give him. 

He sighs contentedly at the sound. “After a while the possibility of being with anyone else just felt … gross. You can ask Wonwoo — we had a few particularly miserable nights of drinking about it.”

You ruffle his hair. “You talked about me to your friends?”

“Almost constantly for almost as long as I’ve known you,” he confirms. “They’re so sick of me.”

You tsk softly, wrapping your arms around him and resting your head on his shoulder. “They deserve for us to take them to dinner,” you say, lightly scratching up and down his back. You can’t help but sigh in relief — Mingyu’s touch feels like stepping inside from the cold. You can feel yourself relaxing against him, your heartbeat slowing.

After several minutes of holding each other like this, Mingyu extricates himself. “One second, baby,” he says, pecking you on the forehead. 

“Where are you going?” you ask, wincing at the whine in your voice. 

“I just need to text my housemate,” he calls over his shoulder as he disappears into one of the bedrooms. “I’m gonna tell him not to come home.”

You suddenly become painfully aware of the pink lingerie buried in your duffel bag. 

If it’s been awhile since you’ve kissed anyone, it’s been an age since you’ve had sex. And on top of that, all the sex you’ve had has been at worst embarrassing and at best okay. To say you’re nervous is an understatement — more nervous than you were the first time you ever undressed in front of a man, and you’re still fully clothed.

So you just wait for him to come back, smiling at him as he re-enters the room, flops onto the couch, and lays his head in your lap. You almost automatically run your fingers through the slightly longer hair on top of his head, letting your fingernails lightly brush against his scalp. He nestles into you and sighs. “So, what do you want to do tonight?”

You can’t help the choked laugh that escapes you. “Well…” you begin, as you blush and Mingyu looks up at you in alarm. 

“Oh,” he realizes, sitting up. “That was such a leading question. I didn’t mean it like that.”

You put a gentle hand to his cheek. “I know you didn’t,” you say. “But…”

At your hesitation, he shakes his head. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. I just told Wonwoo to stay out because I want us to have uninterrupted time together before we need to go take care of Sara.”

The anxiety leaves you almost instantly. “Thanks,” you say in relief. “Um…are you hungry? You’ve cooked for me so often. It might be fun to do a little role reversal tonight.”

“I’m starving,” he admits, “but what if I take you out to a restaurant?”

You wrinkle your nose. “Looking like this?” you ask, gesturing to yourself.

“We could change?” he suggests. 

“How’s this for compromise,” you say, feeling like he just doesn’t want you to do anything for him tonight. “We order takeout. I know this great pizza place.”

His face lights up. “Pizza sounds amazing.”

45 minutes later, you’re both tucked into Mingyu’s comforter on the sofa, eating pizza with your legs tangled together. “Let’s pick a movie,” Mingyu says with his mouth partially full.

You nod, handing him the remote. The two of you scroll through options before settling on Legally Blonde. When you bring up that you think Mingyu is only watching the movie for you, he side-eyes you comically. “This is one of my favorite movies!” he insists, and you let him have it.

But there’s starting to be an issue. The adrenaline of the impulsive decision to come to him and confess has worn off, and in its place is a new, unfamiliar, and powerful feeling. An unbearable ache you barely recognize, coming from body parts that haven’t been touched in years. And you definitely aren’t surprised that you’re attracted to Mingyu, but you are surprised at how turned on you are by him in his tank top, eating pizza straight out of the box. You’re practically salivating as you watch him watch the movie.

It doesn’t take long for him to notice. “Um, baby,” he says. “Everything okay?”

He’s got a little piece of cheese at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes are big and slightly concerned. Before you realize what you’re saying, you blurt out, “I wanna do it!”

“Do what?” he asks, bewildered.

“Do you,” you clarify. You grin sheepishly at him.

He chuckles a little, watching you carefully. “Are you sure?” he says once he can see you’re serious.

“Well, unless you don’t want to,” you backtrack, realizing that in your painful need for him you’d forgotten his feelings.

He raises an eyebrow. “No, I most definitely want to,” he says, scooting closer to you. He lightly brushes his fingers over your cheekbones, his touch sending a jolt of desire through your body. “But I don’t want you to feel like you have to. We can take it slow.”

“Mingyu,” you say, closing the distance between the two of you and taking his face in your hands. “We’ve been taking it slow for four months. I’m officially finished going slow with you.” You puff out a breath, uttering a quiet but desperate “please” that fades into the air like smoke, and before it has, Mingyu has pulled you into his arms and stood up off the couch. He kisses you deeply, catching your bottom lip between his teeth in a gentle bite that has you gasping for air. He stumbles blindly to the bathroom with your legs locked around his waist, sitting you down on the counter to continue kissing you, only pulling back to pull your sweatshirt up and over your head to reveal the bare skin and bra underneath.

And then, at a dizzying pace, he’s kissing down your cheek, down your neck, across your shoulder, feathering kisses over every freckle there until he’s brushing your bra strap to the side while one hand at your back slides up to unhook it. 

You find yourself wishing you had a camera present for the way Mingyu’s face looks when he sees your bare chest for the first time. You half-expect him to bury his face in your breasts, so you tug him closer by the waistband of his sweats and press yourself closer to him, his fingers drawing lines of fire up and down the bare skin of your back as you hook your legs around him once more.

You’re tugging on his tank top, now, discarding the useless material so you can finally let his warmth completely envelope you skin-to-skin. He lifts you up off the counter and sets you down gently, taking a step back and gesturing to your shorts. “Need those off, baby,” he says, running a hand through his hair before smoothly untying the lace at the front of his own sweats and slipping them off.

But now it’s your turn to stare. You’d never really been given the chance to appreciate a naked body in such a present way, but you weren’t about to waste the opportunity when that body was Mingyu’s. You let your eyes roam over every perfect inch of him, only allowing yourself to look back at his eyes when he says your name. “You okay, love?” he says softly, taking a hesitant step closer. 

You laugh softly. “That is not nearly a strong enough word.” You finally reach down and remove your own shorts, and Mingyu sucks in a breath from between his teeth. “Damn,” he exclaims, looking you up and down briefly before grabbing your hand and pulling you into the bedroom you can see through the other bathroom door. 

He climbs into bed, under the covers, and pats the space next to him. You crawl in beside him as he pulls on a condom and then puts his hand to your cheek. “You ready?” he asks.

You’re breathless, you’re sweating, and you need him biblically. So you whisper “yes,” and Mingyu’s pulling you in for a deep, slow, spine-tingling kiss, his eyes fluttering shut, shifting his weight so that he’s hovering over you.

But then he does something you don’t expect, trailing kisses from your chin down your neck and chest. When he stops to drag his tongue over your nipples, you squirm a little, getting more and more heated by the minute. After a few minutes spent worshiping your breasts, he continues kissing down your body, pausing when he reaches your waist. “This okay?” he asks. 

“Yes,” you say, about two octaves higher than your normal voice, and he grins before his next question.

“Can I go lower, sweetie?”

This is new. No one has ever offered to eat you out before, and you’re suddenly insecure.

Mingyu can see it on your face. “It’s just so that you can feel good,” he reassures. “If you don’t want it, I won’t do it.”

“No, it’s fine,” you say quickly. “It’s just new. But I trust you.”

“New?” he questions with raised eyebrows.

“My first time,” you confirm.

He scoffs. “Then I guess I have to make up for lost time,” he says, pulling your legs over his shoulders and going to work.

And you can’t help the sharp intake of air, nor the moans that escape you, because this feeling is one of the best you’ve ever felt in your life. Mingyu eats like his life depends on it, and your back arches in pleasure as he responds to your sounds, learning what makes you feel best. Your hand finds the back of his head, and you find yourself wishing he had more hair that you could grab as you tremble with his efforts.

It doesn’t take long before the pleasure overtakes you, washing over you in a warm wave and making you feel all floaty and euphoric, your whole body seizing and twitching feverishly as Mingyu works you down from your high. When he finally pulls back, his mouth wet and grinning, you have to remind yourself how to breathe. “How was it?” he asks. 

You can only shake your head and stare at him, dumbfounded. He laughs, then kneels in front of you on the bed so you can see how hard he’s gotten. “Can I?” he asks you, and in response you sit up and kiss him before pulling him down by his neck on top of you, guiding him inside of you.

You whimper a bit at the stretch, but Mingyu’s left you wet enough that it slides right in, and it feels amazing. “You okay, baby?” he checks again, and you chuckle.

“Yeah, just kiss me, Gyu,” you say, almost drunkenly, and the nickname on your dazed lips is almost enough to bring him to his own climax. But Mingyu is a good listener, so while he thrusts into you, he kisses you, over and over and over again, pausing every now and then to kiss your neck so that he can hear you moan into his ear.

“Good girl,” he says after a particularly loud one. “Talk to me. I wanna hear it.”

“How does it feel for you?” you ask him breathlessly.

“Like heaven, baby,” he grunts. “You’re so good. So, so good.”

You come another two times with him inside you, the last bringing on his orgasm. He collapses on top of you with a moan right in your ear that nearly undoes you yet again – so you can know how good you really are – and the weight of him is once again what brings you back down to earth. Your brain is hopelessly mushy, and your legs are shaking, and you have never been so satisfied.

After a minute, Mingyu pulls out and rolls off of you, chuckling. “Wow,” he says simply.

“Wow,” you agree, blinking rapidly to try and clear your head. 

He props himself up on his side and looks at you, his eyes devouring your body like a man starved. With a shaking hand, he traces the outline of your figure, from the curve of your shoulders to your waist to the widest point of your hips. “Can’t believe how lucky I am,” he says, moony-eyed and smitten. “God, you’re amazing.”

“Was it really that good for you?” you ask him, a little shy.

“Easily the best I’ve ever had,” he says. He sits up, pulling his condom off, and heads into the bathroom, returning in minutes with a towel and some wipes. And then he cleans you, kissing your thighs as he gently wipes you off, and your heart skips a beat as you watch him. Once again, nobody has ever done this sort of thing for you, leaving you feeling odd after every sexual encounter – almost used. 

“Me too,” you say softly, knowing how you must be looking at him. “Do you want to shower?” you ask him when he catches you staring yet again. 

“Yeah,” he says with a smile.

The rest of the evening is spent in comfortable, peaceful companionship. You tease Mingyu over his 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, and he responds by making out with you in the shower, which leads to both of you almost falling on the slick wet tiles. “Can’t help it,” he says with a laugh when you scold him, gripping the top edge of the shower and holding you around the waist to keep you upright. “I’m addicted to you.”

After the shower Mingyu hands you one of his softest big white t-shirts to wear, snapping several photos of you on his phone when you come out wearing it. “I miss you sometimes,” he explains, and you chuckle. “And I wanna remember tonight. I’m not exaggerating – it’s been the best one of my life.”

Finally, the two of you decide to actually finish Legally Blonde. You fall asleep before it’s over, but he stays up watching the way your eyelashes flutter in sleep, feeling that the sight of you curled up against his chest is the only sight he needs for the rest of his life.

And that’s how you end up spending the entire first night over at Mingyu’s sleeping on the couch in his arms.

***

“It’s Saturday,” you mumble into Mingyu’s neck.

“Mmm,” he agrees sleepily.

“So we can sleep in,” you sigh.

His arms constrict around your waist. “Sara,” he murmurs.

The word makes you open your eyes. The first thing you register is how warm it is – Mingyu’s big body is radiating heat like a furnace, intensified by how snugly he’s holding you against him. So you gently ease off his side and sit up, brushing a kiss over his cheekbone before heading to the bathroom. 

You’re a wreck, your hair a knotty mess, in nothing but Mingyu’s tee. But your eyes — there’s something vibrant in them you haven’t seen in a while. There’s still a sizable amount of grief, a weight you doubt will ever fully be lifted, but you look happier.

You pull out one of the sweaters and a pair of jeans that Bora had packed for you and change, rolling your eyes at the lingerie still sitting in your bag. You’re just finishing up braiding your hair when Mingyu sits up. “Hey, sexy,” he calls across the room into the bathroom, his morning voice low and raspy.

“Hey,” you reply, smiling with the ease only he brings out of you. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really well,” he says, standing up and stretching. Then he comes into the bathroom with you, wrapping his thick arms around your waist and pressing a kiss to the base of the back of your neck. “I love you.”

You lean into his touch and let the joy sweep over you. “Good,” you say firmly. “I love you too, Mingyu.”

“I like the braids,” he says, looking at you both in the mirror, slouching to rest his head on your shoulder. “They’re really cute.”

“Thanks.”

“Maybe I can learn to do them on Sara,” Mingyu says, letting go of you and stepping into his own room and grabbing new clothes. 

You shamelessly watch him as he strips out of his pajamas. “Maybe,” you murmur as he turns, shirtless, and catches you staring.

He grins. “You’re watching me change? Creep,” he teases.

So you make your slow way up to him, stopping just in front of him and sliding a hand from his abs up his chest. “Can’t help it,” you say lightly, watching in satisfaction as his cinnamon skin becomes a mess of goosebumps under your fingers. “You’re irresistible.”

He gives a grumpy sigh. “You better stop, or Sara’s gonna have to wait a couple more days before she sees either of us,” he says, and you are endeared to see that he’s blushing. Mingyu knew the effect you had on him, but that doesn’t make it any easier for him to rebuff you when you’re standing there with the morning light streaming in, lighting up your eyes, dragging your warm fingertips across his chest slowly and deliberately like you just want to savor him. 

His words make you frown, but he gives a light chuckle and kisses your forehead. “Don’t worry,” he reassures you. “We’ll have plenty of time for just us. I’ll make sure of it.” He pulls on his shirt and his sweatpants, then grabs your hand. “Now let’s go see our little girl.”

Your face hurts from smiling so wide, and at this statement, your heart explodes.

***

Aside from all the I-told-you-so’s, the transition from a working relationship to a dating relationship with Mingyu was simple, easy, and absolutely painless. 

He still came over every day. But now Sara watched as you kissed him goodbye in the morning on your way to work. She didn’t seem confused at all by the change, nor did she notice that more and more often Mingyu stayed the night at your house. In her mind, Uncle Googoo was always welcome. It was as natural as breathing.

Maybe it was because you were still doing all of the same things you always did – you’d just added a few. Mingyu had always fit so seamlessly into your life. The two of you were happy, Sara was content, your friends were thrilled – Bora and Wonwoo especially, although Chan also took partial credit – and everything seemed perfect.

And then something shifted, just a tad. It was about a month after you became official. Mingyu spent a bit of time every night searching things up on his laptop. Occasionally, he spent a few minutes outside on the phone, never giving a direct answer when you asked who he’d been talking to.

He never acted off – he was still as affectionate (and insatiable for your body) as ever, so you weren’t nervous he was seeing someone else. Your first concern was that he was shopping for wedding rings. As smitten as you were with him, you worried that was a bit soon for two people who’d only been dating a month (although, admittedly, you’d already filled up a Pinterest board with ideas for the eventual wedding you hoped for). But then, after about two weeks, one of the phone calls comes while Mingyu is making dinner and you’re upstairs in Sara’s room trying to locate her hairbrush, and he can’t suppress a whoop of excitement.

“I need you,” he calls, and you respond by jogging down the stairs with concerned eyes.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“Nothing, I just have some news.” He carefully removes the pan from the stove and comes over to you, pulling you into his arms.

“What is it?” you ask, your hand coming up to touch his cheek.

“They caught him,” he says simply.

“Who, baby?” you ask, confused.

“The guy who hit your sister’s car,” he explains.

Your jaw drops. “What?”

“I’ve been working on it,” he admits. “I have some friends on the force, and a couple of informants leftover from my days as an agent. Someone knew someone who knew the car, and they knew the person who used to drive the car, and it turns out that the parking lot where it was abandoned had security cameras. He’s right there on camera, literally fifteen minutes after the accident. They arrested him two hours ago.”

You are speechless. Mingyu lifts you into his arms, and you bury your face in his neck. “Oh, thank you,” you say through tears when you can finally speak. “So that’s what you’ve been up to.”

“What did you think I was doing?” he asks.

“I literally thought you were looking at wedding rings.”

He laughs. “No,” he says. “Not yet.”

You hear the promise in his voice and know that the future is going to be better than you ever imagined – just like the present is.

[sixpennydame]

"so if eruri is triggering for you, I’d suggest you start filtering certain tags so you can curate the kind of experience you want here."

I guess you think I don't really filter them out, but you're wrong. Believe me, no matter how much I ban everything related to this ship, it comes up in every way. For example eruri shipper Levixreader writers. Even in the Hcs/fanfic's they write, they are in every way squeezing their own ship under the guise of "this is not ship discourse" and they write the dynamics of that ship under the name of 'levixreader' in order to show that their ship is canon. And you naively Rb'd them and think that Levi's character is really like that. He's a perpetually angry man, he's a cruel selfish man who hates the weak and who hates the weak and who immediately abandons you because he's weak, who puts his feelings for erbin ahead of his duties 🥺 who puts humanity through hell for erbin. but someone who is a dog and a softy for him and someone who threw S/o out of the window for him. Yes he loves S/o but he would even sacrifice S/o for the landlord whose dog he is 😔 But again keep saying "great Levi fic post 😭".

And that's what I'm talking about when I say don't let them manipulate you, because even one of your recent articles is similar to their writing style. I wouldn't be surprised if you soon write Levi as an ass upturned, bed whining, super fanon twink whiny lowlife sub. One of your Rb's in particular is a super delulu shipper levixreader writer, and they so much portray Levi as Erwin's lapdog, order dog, loyal dog, someone who never questions whatever action he takes, never wavers in his loyalty, that Cosmic finally had to write them a misleading reply that Levi is not like that Lmaoo. And they are egotistical and self-righteous enough to say "I know better than you" when they see criticism that contradicts their fanon thinking. Man its 2024 and fucking ackerbond has been debunked years ago and even Isayama's dusty old interviews deny it. Yeah, no matter how much I filter eruri, I see exactly that in both Levi tags and Levixreader tags 🙃 and now whenever I want to read fic or browse Levi posts, I have to look at them with hesitation and fear. I don't understand if I should filter Levi directly?

I'm so tired that I would love for Isayama to drop a bombshell that will disprove both the selfshippers and shippers and all their rhetoric, all their Hc's, and leave us all in a big disappointment. For example to give him a really random female partner. Or I would like him to write a characterization where he really doesn't care about everyone and throws them into the fire, where he thinks about himself and his life instead of thinking about them, where he focuses on himself, where he is truly selfish. Then we wouldn't have to see discourses, dramas and fights like "Levi cared about X the most" "He did this and that for X" "Levi doesn't have a canon ship, but if he did it would be X"

*sighs heavily*

I don’t know what to tell you, Anon. If my reblogging and my moots bring you so much distress, you are free to block me.

I refuse to get involved with ship discourse - that’s not what I’m here for.

But I will say this: the writing I do is xreader, but I love to read and view Levi in many forms - canon and AU, eruri, LeviHan, and everything in between. I’ll be sure to make that clear on my ‘About Me’ page.

I love my moots’ writing and art, and will continue to reblog anything that I find beautiful or pleasing to me. Because that, dear Anon, is why I am here.

[officialdaydreamer00]

okay wait this is an official ask for a crossover oneshot: imagine this shit— idia just fucking spawns into camp half-blood (the olympians series timeline, probably before luke dips out but i'll leave that up to you) and is just stuck there. i need to see this; on hands and knees begging. i'm already imagining idia just being completely terrified like "where TF am i?!" 😭💀

hjsldsdkshsk omg 😭 idk how to write the oneshot so ya gonna get imagines instead :'D

*cracks hands*

gonna set the time to after manhattan's battle, normal day in camp half-blood, campers bustling around and all

,,,,, and then an idia falls down from the sky

i could just imagine my guy just,,,, dies right there in the middle of the camp lmao, while the rest of the campers went ?????

why?? how?? the hades??? is there a guy here?? pale as fuck??? hair is blue flame?? science?? witchcraft??

they'd be so confused help them 😭

everything about him stumps annabeth and the rest of athena's children

eventually idia wakes up and would be bombarded with questions → overwhelmed and passes tf out part 2

chiron has to talk to him bc social anxiety

i reckon idia knows ancient greek bc,,,,, it just fits idk, so they have a talk and idia finds out he ain't in twisted wonderland anymore

cue panicked overthinking™

timeskip to when our guy somewhat calms down, he followed chiron to the unclaimed's cabin

still a bit hesitant bc he KNOWS for sure people will look at him weird

imagine if people finds out his connections to hades and the underworld (not this one but still)

they question the gods and the reality they live in :D

idia meeting THE god of the dead himself would be interesting 👀

hades is rather chill in the books so i guess it'd go well :D they'd exchange ways to manage the underworld probably, hades with the og underworld and idia with STYX

THEM WATCHING DISNEY HERCULES 😭 the group slandering the movie while idia sitting there like o-o

will they connect movie hades with idia though 🤔 annabeth probably would see the similarities and ask him about it

them when they hear disney hades is worshipped in twisted wonderland :D shocking, honestly

hephaestus cabin would be interested in his gadgets tho, probably would pester him about it (poitely ofc)

he would avoid aphrodite, ares and apollo cabins with every fiber of his being, i just know it

also, idia and nico 👀 interesting pair ngl

i wanna imagine idia chilling with hades's child in the underworld, idia teaching him all about video games and nico (albeit reluctantly) teaching him mythomagic 🥺

ouh and then when hazel's found they could do that too!!

honestly idia in pjo could go either right or wrong in so many ways, and i'm down with traumatising the heck out of him lol

tags🏷️ @dove-da-birb @taruruchi @azulashengrottospiano @identity-theft-101 @aqua-beam @identity-theft-101 @thehollowwriter @twistwonderlanddevotee @edith-is-a-cat

remember to reblog if you enjoy my works! ^-^

[stabbyfoxandrew]

FAQ

Hi guys! Sometimes I get repeat questions so I thought I'd make this FAQ post. I think I've covered everything. If you think of anything else that needs to be added, please let me know! <3

What is WIP Wednesday? It's a little game I started doing because of Ash, aka jtl-fics. It’s sort of a way to motivate me to write. And this way I’m able to release tiny little installments each week instead of having to finish whole chapters before I post. It's been so helpful. I've written more since last August than I had in years.

Okay, cool. So, how does WIPW work? When Wednesday rolls around, wait for my WIPW post to appear on your dash then you can send me an ask with your request. After I get done writing, I'll answer your ask with a snippet. :)

Please note: ~ I only take WIPW asks on Wednesdays, hence the name. ~ My ask box button will say either ‘wipw open 🔓’ or 'wipw closed 🔒’. Please do not send asks after it’s closed. ~ I do not answer asks in order anymore. I answer all of one AU’s requests, then move through the rest until I’m done. ~ The length of the snippets varies, based on how the POV changes or how the scenes fall. It also depends on my mental health. ~ Please be patient with me. I’m just a little guy. ≽^•⩊•^≼

What fics do you work on for WIPW? I have six ongoing projects to choose from, they're listed on my pinned post.

Can I send more than one request on WIPW? Please don't, unless I've said otherwise! Getting too many asks stresses me out and if I allow one person to send multiple, I have to let everyone. So, just pick your favorite please! Someone else will ask for the others.

Are your WIPs ever going to be on AO3? Yes! When they're closer to being finished I plan to tidy them up— make minor edits, check for continuity problems, grammar, etc— and post them to AO3! This won't be happening for a long while, so please feel free to go ahead and read them here if you're interested. :)

How do I read your AUs in order? Each of my AUs has a 'masterpost', a post where I link to each and every piece ever written. You can use it to click through and read each piece in order. Alternatively, if you're brand new to my fics you can click the link on the masterpost for a chronological view of the AU's tag! :)

Can I reblog WIPW posts? Absolutely! It makes me really happy when you do!

How can I leave comments on WIPW stuff? You can reblog a post and put comments in the tags, reply to the post, or send me an ask with questions or comments about my AUs! Though I might not answer every comment I receive, I appreciate them all so much. Y'all don't even know.

Do you like fanart? Yes. I love it. I adore it. I will give you my firstborn child. You don't even understand. I've received fan art from three or four people and I still think about them every single day. That being said, if you do make fan art please tag me in the post (@/stabbyfoxandrew) or send me an ask/ message with the link so I can see! 🥺 I'll also link your art in the masterposts so everyone else can find it! <3

Okay, okay. That's all great but do you have any finished fics? Yep! There's several oneshots on my AO3! :3

When are you going to update cosmic lost and found?! I don't know. TwT It got so popular (to me) so quick and I got freaked out and I haven't worked on it in ages. I'm sorry. :( I have the fic planned out, through to the end. But working on it is so hard for some reason. I shouldn't have decided to rewrite canon. :')

Can you tell me about your OCs? Yes. 🥺🥺🥺 I'm dying to tell you about them. If you'd like to know anything about my OCs please, please, please send me an ask! I love talking about them but I'm so afraid of getting on peoples' nerves. :')

Why are you taking so long to answer my ask? Because I'm just a little guy and sometimes I don't have the energy to reply right away. TwT

Can we be friends? Maybe! :) If we're mutuals and you'd like to talk to me, please feel free to send me a message. I must warn you, I'm a lot more awkward in messages than I am in my askbox. I don't know why. I'm sorry. TwT

Do you write for any other fandoms? Not at the moment. (RIP to my klance fics.)

Do you have fic recs? Possibly! It depends on if I've been reading much. You can always ask. I might have to tell you no though. :')

Do you allow translations of your fics? No.

What about podfics? Yes.

Is your name really Aerie, you know that's a clothing brand and also means bird nest? Yes. I thought I made it up when I was like 13/14. Was very distraught when I found out that wasn't true. :') But yeah. Aerie is my name and I love it.

Who's Jess? My younger sibling.

Who's Rascal? My very old cocker spaniel and the best boy ever. :3

...What's wrong with you? Oh. Many things. Some of them probably don't even have names yet.

Thanks for reading my FAQ, if you still have a question please feel free to ask! <3 aerie

[carpisuns]

hello! i saw your tags on that ''if you would be so kind as to reblog this if you feel insecure about your writing skills'' post, and i just wanted to say that i love your writing SO much!!! like.. all of your fics that ive read are so good!!!!!!!! whether youre aiming for a more silly, goofy vibe or heart-shattering angst you do it so well and im amazed at your talent!

''tell me something i dont know'' is one of my all time favourite fics and i remember how much i enjoyed reading it (and crying my eyes out at 2 am adjahsf), and ''where roses bloom'' absolutely broke my heart in the best way possible!! And i loved your collab fic with botherkupo, ''two idiots and a hamster'' SO much, i seriously had to try very hard not to laugh ahdjskdhf. OH and im not in the toh fandom, but i did read ''The Death-Defying Flirting Methods of Captain Willow Park'' and i really really enjoyed it!! like i said, you write both angst, humor and romance so well and your writing is such a beautiful mix of everything!

Youre one of my fav writers on here, and i think that no matter what your goals are for writing, they definetely leave a big impact on your readers- your fics have made me laugh, cry and quite frankly im obsessed with them! I know insecurities dont simply Vanish from one ask lol, but i hope you know how much you and your fics (AND your art and just. in general youre such a nice person) mean to me, and all your other readers! <3333333

I kept this in my inbox for a bit bc it’s just so kind and I didn’t know how to respond 🥺 and then I started answering but didn’t finished and saved it in my drafts and forgot SHSJSK anyway. Thank you so so much!!!!

i reblogged that post kind of in solidarity with other writers cause i know insecurity is something everyone deals with. it’s weird because I feel like at all times I’m simultaneously confident and insecure about my writing lol. I have enough experience/training that I know I can like put together sentences and paragraphs lol but I still fret over pacing and style and characterization and stuff like that a lot. the insecurities make me feel kind of silly bc I feel like at this point i should be over them!!! but I can’t help worrying about how my work will be received by the audience. i am always at least a little nervous to post something new, and sometimes I am very nervous! Cause I just don’t know if it’s gonna land the way I intended.

And the most frustrating part for me is when I read something REALLY good and sometimes feel like pouty and jealous I guess lol going “ugh I could never write like that! I should just give up!” I feel like such a baby!! but I get over it quickly and I’m sure I’m not the only one who falls victim to Pouty Little Binch syndrome. (I mean I hope I’m not the only one or that would be extra pitiful 😂)

Anyway it helps me to remind myself that it’s a good thing that I don’t write the same way my fav writers write! we all have our own ways of thinking and expressing ourselves, and even when we take inspiration from someone else, the Us-ness of our work is always gonna come through. If that makes sense. like if my fav writer is So-and-So, it’s really awesome and cool to enjoy the So-and-So-ness of their work and break down why I enjoy it so much and even incorporate some So-and-So-type flavors in my own writing, but at the end of the day my writing will always be full of carpisuns-ness and that’s cool too! I just think as creators we are so close to our own work and we’re so in the weeds about it that we don’t get a clear view of it like a reader does when they’re coming to it fresh, and that makes us sometimes judge it unkindly. More often than not, your work is better than you think it is. Sometimes when a creator I admire feels down about their work I just wish I could let them borrow my eyes and see it how I see it, because it’s really amazing and makes me feel so much!!

Anyway, I probably got off topic lol but I just wanted to shout out to all the writers who are feeling down about their work. You are doing amazing sweetie!! Better than you think. Dont stop writing.

this is seriously such a kind message and it means so much to me that you would take the time out of your day to write this! 🥺💜 people like you who go out of their way to make others feel good are such a treasure. Im glad you enjoyed those fics!! And that u even read one of my toh fics when you’re not in the fandom? aaaa I’m honored! Blowing u kisses

[facewithoutheart]

I posted 3,670 times in 2022

That's 2,343 more posts than 2021!

481 posts created (13%)

3,189 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@martsonmars

@facewithoutheart

@cutestkilla

@urban-sith

@johnwgrey

I tagged 2,935 of my posts in 2022

Only 20% of my posts had no tags

#snowbaz - 274 posts

#fanfic - 225 posts

#fic rec - 152 posts

#ask game - 108 posts

#behind the writing - 69 posts

#the simon snow trilogy - 56 posts

#this will all go down in flames - 41 posts

#drabble - 38 posts

#six sentence sunday - 38 posts

#🥺🥺🥺 - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#naw i’ll yes and this and build you a little cottage in my mind space where you can drink tea write and read with a perpetual rainstorm outs

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

For @martsonmars 🍕❤️

Happy CO-versary from your moms, @sillyunicorn and @facewithoutheart!

And, ok, we’re a little late lmao but hopefully you’ll forgive us.

To celebrate you reading this book, joining the fandom, and just generally being an amazing human being, Kati & I commissioned this art from @stardustasincocaine of your fic, “end of autumn.”

I’m gonna explain why we picked this fic and then gush about it under the break:

Now, there were a lot of fics we could have picked to commemorate this occasion, but I liked this one because a) SPACE b) ARSONIST HUSBANDS and c) WINGS AND TAIL.

But also because I think it highlights so many of your strengths as a writer: your creativity for one (the way you flipped the prompt!!! Inspired), and your always amazing parenthetical asides:

His arms are crossed over his chest, and the nylon fabric of his protective suit stretches over his muscles in a way that should be illegal. (He should propose it to Doctor Bunce, she’d make it illegal. She likes to create useless laws just for the sake of breaking them.)

And your lyrical writing:

Baz takes a minute to admire his husband’s figure above him. He’s beautiful like this, flying around the top floor like an avenging angel, fire leaving his mouth in long blazes of light that ignite everything in their path and everything inside Baz’s veins.

Then Baz steps forward and raises his hands, calling his magic to the surface. He closes his eyes for a moment, imagining it – a match inside his heart, just waiting for his words. He blows on the tinder, and flames snake around his fingers like vines on a ruined wall.

And the silly, easy love Simon and Baz share.

Plus one of your first short fics!!!

I hope you enjoy this art & know how very much you are loved ❤️

84 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

#4

What CO fans WANT the Mage to look like:

What the Mage ACTUALLY looks like:

122 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

#3

This Will All Go Down In Flames

A @carry-on-big-bang collaboration with art by @tea-brigade.

Excerpt:

Under a moonlit sky, I chase Baz toward the Great Lawn with a screaming goat tucked under one arm. “Calm down, Little Sebastian,” I soothe while attempting a slow jog.

“Stop calling him that,” Baz hisses over his shoulder, his long legs carrying him at a faster pace than I can hope to match.

See the full post

125 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

#2

A pre-Wayward Son drabble about the small way Baz holds on to hope.

He Doesn’t Know

Simon Snow won’t leave home without my handkerchief in his pocket.

He doesn’t know that I know.

He doesn’t know I wash it when he’s sleeping, that I cast Good as new when the fabric starts to thin.

He doesn’t know that I see him, sometimes, when he’s anxious or sad, reach a hand into his left pocket, the one where he keeps it tightly tucked. That he strokes the fabric and the furrows in his forehead ease.

He doesn’t know I have a whole box of them, spelled hidden. Just in case he loses the original.

He hasn’t yet.

Even this tiny keepsake, this small symbol of when he first knew he cared for me, he treats as if precious.

He doesn’t know how it helps me hold on.

126 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey besties new conspiracy theory about @rainbowrowell’s book announcement just dropped

440 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[divine-misfortune]

in the wake of hate anon(s), im gonna spread a bit of love and appreciation 🥰

hii!!! youre so nice and your art is beautifull!! i love the style and the colors and everything else!! also i remember us just crazily reblogging hypnone‘s posts talking about bassists and basses!! thank you for that bcs its very memorable to me, and for making ghumblr a safe space too!!

never stop being you and never stop doing whatever it is you love 🤗 i promise to support and love it and catch up with reblogging soon!!

Sorry I need a moment you got me all weepy wtf!!!!!

That means so much to me, honestly thank you 🥺 I'm self conscious about my art a lot of the time but I cherish literally every comment and tag people leave on my posts !! Makes me happy to see people enjoying the things I do, that goes for writing too-

But also.....Ehehe bass nerd gang huh.....

[applejee]

I posted 17,813 times in 2022

That's 80 more posts than 2021!

151 posts created (1%)

17,662 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@celeryw

@pishposhbagosh

@blas-ph-emy

@lemontongues

@ officialspec

I tagged 3,777 of my posts in 2022

#dc - 1,160 posts

#batfam - 683 posts

#just us - 204 posts

#csm - 180 posts

#sandman - 178 posts

#q - 143 posts

#batman - 132 posts

#timkon - 104 posts

#cute - 103 posts

#goncharov - 94 posts

Longest Tag: 118 characters

#burning the receipt so you can keep the kid you were handed for a weekend who is painfully cute and a cool little dude

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

who’s ready for

See the full post

68 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#4

Hi! Any recs for timkon, or kon centric fics? It only tends to be in the background/implied in batfam centric fics that i read, but i keep seeing you post about timkon and 🥺🥰 I’m catching feelings about it

i’ll be real... im glad u asked bc i read So much timkon ♥ sorting by kudos for timkon is hard bc yeah... its so often background..... kon deserves better!!!!!! so here are some stories u should definitely read, by some lovely authors whose works i am absolutely normal about:

- everything by @batfam-chaos​ especially this one. kon is injured and tim panics my beloved... their stuff is *chefs kiss*

- everything by @lemontongues​ especially this one! slowburn in kansas.... their 2021 whumptober is very kon-centric as well!

- everything by @mindshelter​, this one in particular makes me CRAAAZY

- composed of us by @starlikeknight​ which so far is tim centric BUT itll be eventual timkon and its already amazing so you know the timkon will be too

here are some others i like, found in my bookmarks:

- Gonna Be A Better One (A Thousand Miles To Your Door) by Traincat

- Leap, Fall, Fly by malcyon

- A Night In by Musafir

- Three Little Words by timkons

- please don't live in fear by murmurare

- time flies by by Laroyena

- shenanigans’ timkon my beloved

sadly, i read less kon-centric fic simply cause i am so obsessed with tim my little guy, my poor little meow meow, but again there is good stuff out there. u may have to search excluding timkon on ao3. REGARDLESS,

this is everything i can find off the top of my head, really. trust me theres so much more out there i adore (like the pretending to be a gold digger wip, or the catfishing fic, or the hannah montana-style identity shenanigans fic, or this one astolat fic, or the one where dick picks up kon as a cop and tim on the phone asks if he’s cute, or any of the countless other stories out there) so definitely go and have a search!! yeehaw!!!!! hope that helps!

96 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

#3

omg omg i just BLEW through your dc fics (showstopping. incredible. magnificent) and AH TIM and was wondering do you have any Tim-centric fic recs? with that GOOD angst? no pressure or anything, thanks for all your hard work 💕💕💕💕💕

omg anon 😳😳😳😳 thank you im so glad to hear it <3

also FYCK YES IM HERE TO GIVE OUT ANGSTY TIM FICS. first and foremost u should probably jsut go thru my entire bookmark tag with tim drake but i will pick and choose the best for u here, i hopeu enjoy.

also fair warning all these may include, to some degree, violence, torture, child abuse, implied or referenced non con, etc, due to the fact these are very angsty and filled with hurt and comfort and lots of whump, so pls read the tags!

A Meditation on Railroading by eggmacguffin

this one is the best. i love it. @eggmacguffin blew it out of the PARK with this once ive reread it an absurd amount of times. tim's dad leaves him in atlanta so he makes his own way home, runs into jason, and shit happens. also, read ALL their other tim fic ok. u wont regret.

buried birds by envysparkler

have i told you to read everything by envysparkler? read everything by envysparkler. her shit is the BEST. buried birds is one of my faves, as tim is buried alive in a coffin and jason rescues him. luv it

Grilled Cheese by crumpetz

hooooooo 8k of pure tear inducing deliciousness. i reread this constantly for the catharsis. makes me cry everytime. cw for graphic injury

Echoes of You by SilverSkiesAtMidnight

wherein tim dies, is resurrected, and jason is the one to find him fresh out the grave. trauma times two electric boogaloo! check out their current wip and recent works as well!

best laid plans by Valkirin

ra's steals tim away at the same time as jason, freshly unearthed from his grave. Shit Happens. LOVE valkirin’s stuff

The Return by lurkinglurkerwholurks

essential reading. what happens after batman's brought back out of time. read all their other tim fic if u havent yet

It's Not That Funny by Ionaperidot

tim becomes joker junior! uh oh! tim's brain is scrambled by the joker and ra's and he and jason maybe become serial killers and highly codependant but they slowly heal and rejoin the family. so good. cw for graphc violence and so much more, check the tags

On the Way Home by ignesfatuis

little wolf shifter tim is kidnapped, then rescued, and stays with the waynes to heal while he cant shift back. chicken soup for the soul

Fussing Over Scars by maychorian

platonic soulmate au! i cried. check out all of maychorians stuff for more tim angst!!

Dangerous and Noble Things by destiny919    

tim is kidnapped by ra’s, and four years later the bats rescue him, and whaddaya know! he comes with a sister <3 love it. they have a bunch of other tim fic too!

more behind the cut!!

now theres a ghost in the back of this room by CosmoKid

tim helps an abused kid and comes to some Revelations of his own

whumptober 2021 by CosmoKid

just read all of it. chefs kiss. cosmokid has a lot of angsty tim fics and u should read them all

Bristol Kids by Anonymous

See the full post

109 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#2

reminded seeing the collection of the batfam fic survey i voted in (which is fun and exciting, ill be checking some of those out later!!!!!) of some of the batshit collections people have requested my works be added to.

straight up some of you need to just use the bookmark function because it is beyond offensive to have your fic added to a collection titled “dumb bullshit to satiate my escapism”. like, really? obviously i rejected that one, and ive rejected a few others just because. that’s not what collections are for.

do people forget collections are public? do people forget that you see a list of collections a work is in directly under the tags? i’m honoured to accept my works into collections titled “fics i love”; “fics i’ll reread until the end of time”; “fics with good stephanie characterisation”—these are compliments, and things like “robin vs red hood” collect specific tropes and AUs together that ao3 may not have the tags for yet. they serve a function

i dunno, i think collection use has got a bit out of hand. im complaining on main because this keeps happening and at one extreme it’s offensive (dumb bullshit??) and at the other extreme there already exists a function for tracking it (“fics i have read”?)

respectfully, i think some people may benefit from bookmarks and bookmark tags. for one, you can tag nigh limitlessly, and search them on your bookmarks page using both the tags and the notes. also, most importantly, you can make them private. want to leave a note for yourself as to why you didn’t fully enjoy a fic? remind yourself of something that triggered you? want to simply keep track of a fic you didn’t enjoy as much as others? private bookmark, and the author never has to know.

this is a little bit of a rant but when i have rejected my works being added to collections multiple times it adds up, lol.

202 notes - Posted September 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

since i cannot find the masterpost i initially used to obtain all these extensions initially, here’s a list of privacy extensions i use in conjunction with firefox! i’ve included a link to each of them which is very easy if you use firefox. pls use firefox. brave is also good for privacy. there are others out there so do your research, and again, please for the love of god, switch from chrome if you can xx

–

Bypass Paywalls Clean - bypasses paywalls. v helpful. this one isn’t verified by firefox however

Decentraleyes - this helps to prevent websites from tracking you and blocks requests

Don’t track me google - stops google from lengthening urls theycan track you with. godsend

DuckDuckGo Privacy Essentials - blocks tracking, enables https where possible, overall a good and helpful extension

Facebook Container - isolates facebook in its own container so its much harder for them to track you. always a bonus

HTTPS Everywhere - does what it says!

Privacy Badger - blocks trackers, similar to some of the others listed. can never have too many

Shinigami eyes - if you dont have this enabled wyd? marks trans friendly accounts as green and transphobic ones as red, or other colours based on your preference. makes blocking very quick and easy! not verified by firefox, but just as essential as the rest

uBlock Origin - basically an ad blocker, the best of the bunch; also prevents a lot of tracking and coin miners too

–

if you have any privacy extensions you use or find useful, feel free to reblog with your own suggestions!

248 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[re-decorate]

I posted 3,236 times in 2022

That's 535 more posts than 2021!

602 posts created (19%)

2,634 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pinktyler

@re-decorate

@pantaloonwarrior

@feelthesaturation

@idontbelievethehype

I tagged 2,431 of my posts in 2022

Only 25% of my posts had no tags

#q - 752 posts

#txt - 350 posts

#clique art - 283 posts

#tyler - 185 posts

#sai era - 138 posts

#ramblings - 130 posts

#tnj - 105 posts

#ask - 91 posts

#josh - 91 posts

#twenty one pilots - 56 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i searched for ��cover’ ‘yellow’ and ‘coldplay’ in all combinations and permutations or whatever and nothing showed up so i had to dig throug

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

this is so funny to me

138 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

#4

i love you jumpsuit i love you levitate i love you morph i love you my blood i love you chlorine i love you smithereens i love you neon gravestones i love you the hype i love you nico and the niners i love you cut my lip i love you bandito i love you pet cheetah i love you legend i love you leave the city i love you trench

148 notes - Posted July 14, 2022

#3

See the full post

192 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

#2

they’re best friends your honor 🥺

244 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Photo ID: a new Clancy letter uploaded on March 17, 2022, under the file name “is-ø-lat-ed” and date “022 03MOON 17″

Transcript:

I haven't had the ability to write for what seems like a lifetime. This deprivation is what weighed on me the most. Not the lack of food, or the change of scenery—they wouldn't let me write anything down.

Well, at least not without them present...

I remember that day vividly. First, they let me out. Even though the hallway was still gray and drab, the new experience was a shock to my system—significantly different than usual captivity. I tried to match the rhythm of the nameless guard's footsteps as we echoed down the long corridor. I followed close behind, as if I had no choice. Cold concrete encapsulated us and seemed to cast a spell of synthetic calmness. Obedience.

We arrived at a blue door. It was an odd contrast to this concrete maze. As I went through the doorway I found myself in another typical gray Dema room. The only difference was who was waiting for me.

Four of them. Three were unknown to me, but one was clearly Keons. I knew his voice

They proposed an idea. A television show—or whatever it was. I had no idea that I was known outside of my cell, but they informed me that I had garnered notoriety for my schemes and outbursts. They wanted to use my face for the benefit of the city. They handed me a pen—a familiar instrument. Yet, they must be present when I use it. They wanted to manage my imagination and vision. Although shackled, at least I could create again.

Thus began the sessions.

Everyday my cell door would open. I followed the guard down the familiar hall, through the blue door, to sit down at the desk and chair. My designated creative space—perfectly centered under their watchful eye. Sometimes three, sometimes eight—not once were all nine present. He was never there. I would have felt it if he was.

At the end of the session, Keons would take my pen, gather my writings, and send me back. This went on for months.

What were we creating? I wasn't sure. A variety show with songs and set pieces? Were the rulers of this stifled city actually attempting entertainment for its people? Everything I created had to be "for the benefit of the citizens of Dema"—a phrase I heard often. I didn't question them—I was happy to be out of my cell—and putting words to paper.

On the final day, after I wrote the last line, I was asked what to name it? The question caught me off guard. This seemed like a decision [UNDERLINE] they [END UNDERLINE] would make.

[UNDERLINE] Show Day: [END UNDERLINE] They dressed me up and asked me to smile—a poor attempt at hiding my sleep deprivation. It was all so colorful, as if compensating for the grayness of the city.

It was a blur. Before I knew it, it was over, and I was back in my cell. I can only remember fragments—only blurred hallucinations of color and chaos—like a dream. The confusion of it all hangs overhead. What was it all for?

...but it wasn't over.

I guess it went well enough for them to request more of me. I was useful to Dema, and my creativity was exploited in new forms. They wanted me to be the entertainment at the Annual Assembledge of the Glorified—a performance at sea for the premiere citizens of Dema.

[STRIKETHROUGH] I knew those weren't the real bishops on that ship [END STRIKETHROUGH]

I'll quicken the entry—I need to keep up with The Torchbearer.

During the performance, we were attacked by something in the water. I don't know what possessed the creature to attack, but it was odd, and felt incredibly intentional. Many lost their lives in the attack, and I was thrashed through the bitter cold waves, yet somehow survived. Did this icy cold preserve me? Why was I spared? I am still so cold as I write.

This place feels foreign—nothing like Trench. From the frigid sea, the air here is somehow colder than the water that surrounds it.

I have a strange feeling that this island will provide answers.

I must go.

– Clancy

269 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[pandas-pandemonium]

I posted 164 times in 2022

That's 58 more posts than 2021!

45 posts created (27%)

119 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pandas-pandemonium

@raven-at-the-writing-desk

@twiwoncrackpopcorn

@yandere-daze

@bluemoondust

I tagged 110 of my posts in 2022

Only 33% of my posts had no tags

#twst spoilers - 8 posts

#twst chapter 6 - 8 posts

#asks - 7 posts

#twisted wonderland - 4 posts

#yandere sentient twst asks - 3 posts

#yandere obey me - 2 posts

#twst guide - 2 posts

#yeah - 2 posts

#happinesss - 2 posts

#yandere headcanons - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 106 characters

#if you want original works i have quotev for that but i haven't updated any of my stories in years so uhhh

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

MAN

they're Really keeping Idia/Ortho's OB design a secret huh

The painnn

I have so many things to talk about idk where to start??

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR LATEST CHAPTER 6 UPDATE

i cannot add a spoiler tag on mobile so SCROLL PAST!!!

Okay now...

First up:

the Pomefiore fan in me is So SOO happy??? Epel got his UM - Sleep Kiss, Rook being a good senpai and guiding Epel with his new magic spell, Vil being so happy to see them, Mann

His voice when he saw Epel like-🥺🥺🥺 Villl you missed your friends so muchh

I love Pomefiore so much, their dynamics are eVeRYTHiNG

Next

Ortho?? Um- Ortho?? He really went "Sayonara bitches" the moment the dorm leaders didn't agree with the plan to reset the world like- Buddy??

And also-

What happened to Ortho from "That Day" that Idia gave up so easily?? He really went down to the Titans chamber, then Phantom Ortho was all, "Nii-chan, I've been dreaming of the day i could see you!" and Idia was all, "Leave it up to your big bro" and just- OBed...

It's pretty cool seeing his OB gem tho. At least now we know where it is?

Finally:

Grim... It's crazy how he can sniff out blot immediate honestly. By the end of this chapter, Idek if Grim will be the same after this. Any sign of someone OBing sets him off into feral mode. Yuu is going to be so heartbroken when they find him.

Also, Idk if he broke out already, but if he hasn't, someone is going to get hurt when he does.

It'll be pretty funny if they found him gnawing on OB Idia's heels tho lmao

Anyways...

we now have to wait until April or longer... Man... and I read this in one sitting too

118 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

#4

Speculations on Claude's difference in character in 3 Hopes vs 3 Houses

Writing this because I'm so tired of seeing so many angry comments and tweets and posts about his supposed character assassination (among other things) and because I have faith in my guy. As of writing this, I've only just finished Part 1 of Golden Wildfire and only know some tidbits from spoilers (which I willingly exposed myself to)

The main gripe people seem to have about Claude's character is to do with how forceful and unwilling to hear people out and inquire about situations and people's motives. Personally, I don't see it as character assassination but rather a different way he could have developed if he hadn't gone through White Clouds in 3 Houses or met Byleth, or hadn't had to kill his half-brother, Shahid.

What I think was the turning point for Claude's forceful and aggressive actions, was very likely the event that he killed his own brother. We see traces of 3 Houses Claude, him trying to reason with Shahid and wanting to talk things out but alas, Shahid doesn't care and Claude ultimately makes the decision to kill him. Post-battle, we see Claude is very clearly affected by that event.

6 months later, Claude reforms the Alliance into the Leicester Federation and is placed as its king.

Perhaps it's all the stress built up from the war. The Alliance has been going through battle after battle and it's taking a toll on him. It doesn't help that because he wasn't in the Academy for a year to get to know his classmates and learn to trust others, he feels like as the Alliance Leader (as of Part 1), he has to shoulder all the decisions and be responsible for everything that happens. The Roundtable Conferences don't help with his frustrations either.

Through supports and the story itself, Claude has shown signs of disdain for the Alliance's system, but he hasn't really seen the need to change it, although it is inefficient. Then Shez comes along and goes, "Hey, why don't you make yourself the sole leader so decisions will go by faster during wartime?" and it opens up a possibility he hadn't even thought about. If he becomes the sole leader and doesn't need to go through the endless circling of decisions waiting for all 5 lords to come to a unanimous decision, things will be done faster and he can do what he wants to do quicker.

Back to Shahid's death and his impact on Claude's mental state - it definitely changed him. Perhaps after making the choice to kill his own blood, he made the decision to no longer hold back. He can't be too "soft" or hesitant anymore. He needs to be more resolved in his decisions and perhaps that is why we see the Claude we see in 3 Hopes. The aggressive, cutthroat Claude who doesn't consider choosing to hear people out. This can be seen in his decision to send troops to the 3 lords' territories to create public order instead of Lorenz's suggestion to send an envoy first. Claude even says that they'll "probably make half-baked excuses anyway" and that there's no point talking things out. This is pretty much where I've left off from the game, but it's clear that Shahid's refusal to reason with him still affects him.

I do think that perhaps the writers could have shown that a bit more, but Claude is way more reserved in his emotions and willingness to express himself and it may have been difficult to show that internal turmoil. Either way, I still think calling Claude's change of character, "character assassination" is going too far especially if you don't consider the prior events and the what-if's and differences in situation and events that occur between both games.

119 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

#3

I have a big weakness for self-aware, yandere characters so your headcanons are a miracle to me. Could you do something with Deuce where the player always compliments him whenever they get a card or see him? He is my best boy and I love him so darn much that I always louldy anounce it when I see him :,) Thank you!

A/N: Figured I should get this out since the 2022 January Masterchef event and the New Years event are so Deuce-focused. (he's a good boy and I love him)

Yan! Sentient! Twst AU - Deuce being complimented

Every time Deuce receives a compliment, he can't help but feel all warm and shy inside

You're just so nice! So kind! The fact that you acknowledge his efforts and his presence is so rewarding. He sometimes feels like he doesn't deserve all that praise

The compliments you give him fuels his desire to make sure the mirror gives you his cards more often - his Dorm SSR, his Birthday Suit SSR and more!

Unfortunately, despite having a UM, his magic still isn't strong enough to really have much of an effect on the gacha system

It does mean however, that your praise has a greater effect on the blue-haired first year

"You came home! My precious boy!"

Deuce has to do everything in his power to not overload in embarrassment

Yes, he's your precious boy and he hopes he won't ever lose that position

He's also especially thankful towards the developers of the game whenever he gets an event that he features in

It just means that you'll be paying more attention to him!

Deuce truly hopes that you'll always love him and that your attention and love for him doesn't wane any time soon.

If it does, he'll be truly heartbroken...

309 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

#2

Yandere! Mammon and his obsession with being "first"

Mild/Implied NSFW

Note: This is slightly spicy, and completely unprompted. Just something that's been sitting in the back of my mind lol. Please don't send me NSFW requests! My NSFW rule still applies to even mild spicy requests.

Mammon who learns that you're a virgin who's never had their first kiss

Mammon who insists on taking all your firsts upon learning about it, cockblocking all his brothers when they attempt to have some alone time with you; he can't risk you casually giving away your first kiss or first time to someone else, after all

"[Name], you've never had your first kiss?"

His eyes are wide, and his body trembling with pure ecstasy

"If you haven't then... I'll do it! I, the Great Mammon will be the one to give you all your firsts! After all, I am your first demon!"

If you let him, he's over the moon, bragging about it to anyone in passing

If not, well...he hates to do it, but he'll have to take it by force

Cornering you in your room, forcing you down on the bed as he steals your first kiss, impatiently undressing you, eager to take everything

Mammon's not going to let this chance slip by

He's the avatar of Greed and he's desperate to take and take whatever you've got

359 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Yandere! Asmo has been on my mind a lot lately

Mildly spicy headcanons, so mild you'll barely notice it

Asmo who claims to be so deeply in love that he wants everything about you

He wants to be in you, in some way or another and vice versa

Exceptionally clingy

"Hey MC, why don't we take a bath together? Just you and me~?"

If you refuse...well, he'll just take whatever you may have left behind

your bathwater

Absolutely loves it if you ever borrow his makeup or skincare products

It's like having his scent all over you!

May or may not take up the habit of using your lipbalm or lip products on his own

It's an indirect kiss! How romantic, no? Though he'd much prefer the real deal

Hates it if you ever wear someone else's perfume or get someone's scent on you

"Hey, whose shampoo did you use?"

"Mammon's?! Why didn't you ask me?!"

This simply won't do. He's dragging you to the bathroom to smother anything of his own onto your body

It's how he stakes his claim on you, after all

366 notes - Posted March 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[alycosworld]

I posted 139 times in 2022

That's 38 more posts than 2021!

79 posts created (57%)

60 posts reblogged (43%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cipheress-to-k-pop

@teeeentitaaans

@rubinocore

@markired

@incorrectbatfam

I tagged 109 of my posts in 2022

Only 22% of my posts had no tags

#aly.rants - 69 posts

#dc's legends of tomorrow - 29 posts

#legends of tomorrow - 28 posts

#john constantine - 12 posts

#matt ryan - 11 posts

#sara lance - 7 posts

#in space with markiplier - 7 posts

#markiplier - 7 posts

#ava sharpe - 6 posts

#the clone dilemma - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 110 characters

#watch it pick back up again for a fleeting moment and then i'll leave you all stranded with absolutely nothing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

bethic twinstinct doesn't feel like an episode. it feels like i had a very shameful and strange dream and now im awake and do not know how to go about my day without thinking about it or letting it affect me.

151 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

#4

MANDO 🥺🥺 HES SO CUTE

See the full post

157 notes - Posted March 3, 2022

#3

i saw yr post abt the request thing so im gonna request^^

how abt venti with a s/o that i introverted and hates alcohol??? im not a big fan of alcohol and drunk ppl really scare me lol so id like to see how that would work out! i also have a social battery and when i do run out of that social battery and get really irritable and frustrated so how would he deal with that? take yr time and get rest <3

🧸/💮 anon~

(did u know iphone added new heart emojis0.0)

Venti with an Introverted S/O

A/N: in the process of momentarily reviving the blog as I said earlier, so here's the first post to mark that.

also, if you understand/like the phoenix wright reference then ily &lt;3

thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

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okay so, he's not gonna stop drinking for you. dude's an alcoholic, through and through.

and, he doesn't want to leave you alone because he loves you and he likes having you with him.

but...he realises that you don't like the atmosphere of the rowdier bars he frequents, or even the nice bars late into the night.

people shouting and making unnecessary comments, loud, horribly-sung music, all the drunkards crowding together and closing in around you.

it's terrifying and Venti's used to it, but you aren't and he understands.

you can stand him being drunk alone, because he's just dumb, funny and flirty - which, honestly, isn't much different from regular Venti.

so, what exactly does he do to help you out?

solution one: drink at home, sing his own songs, and recreate the atmosphere of a bar with just you. He doesn't care much for the patrons either - they're fun to be with, but he much prefers you.

solution two: take you two a calmer bar like Angel's Share (usually while Diluc's around so he can keep everyone in check) and defend you like Phoenix Wright.

as for your social battery, Venti just knows when you're running low. No matter what he had planned, no matter who else wants to see either of you, as soon as you get a little bit irritated, he's ushering you home.

he can't cook anything fancy, but he lives off bar food and he'll pick up something or haphazardly make something for you. Sure, it isn't elegant or well presented, but it fills you up, calms you down, helps you relax and tastes pretty damn good.

he'll cuddle with you, sing you an impromptu tune, tell you a good story, or just let you sleep while he takes care of everything else. If you need to get away from people, Venti will know and he'll handle it perfectly.

he'll stop whatever he's doing and immediately remove you from a social situation with some vague excuse:

"Well, I-- oh! Look at the time! Y'know, I think my darling lover and I should get going right about now, huh? Buh-bye, now!"

and he'll let you do whatever you want straight after, whether it be flee the scene like a villain or collapse on the street from tiredness.

"Oh? Have you had enough for today, my love? I agree, let's get you home and I'll take care of the rest."

"Don't worry about them, dove. All that's important is that we get out of here. No matter the situation, I'll handle it. You just rest. I love you."

161 notes - Posted April 14, 2022

#2

guys mark confirmed that yancy, as lore, has magical tattoos that change according to the universes changing around him. omg. y'all.

189 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Sweetheart

John Constantine X Reader

NEW A/N: so! It's finally here, the finished version of "TITLE" that I accidentally posted all that time ago (and decided to leave up for the memories). I've left in all the old stuff, no changes to the original text, I just added to it so it's a complete story. I've even left in the old A/N for nostalgia ykwim. aNYWAYS, HAVE FUN!

OLD A/N: 100 followers is coming up but I have nothing for y'all so take the product of my latest obsession: john mf constantine - resident demonologist, exorcist, master of the dark arts, accomplished warlock and outrageously attractive brit. I love him, you love him, so let's give our soulless boy a round of applause! thanks for reading, please enjoy &lt;3

warnings: a lil spicy, slight choking??, talk of sex, inexperienced reader, reader is called pretty, love, sweetheart (idk if these are considered gendered words but I dont think they are??), gender-neutral reader

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(takes place in s4, Séance and Sensibility with the old Zari (Tomaz))

Kamadeva, now locked in the brig of the Waverider, poured some of the glittery ashes of his vial into his hand, blowing them through the air vents and to reach all the other rooms and Legends aboard in the night.

...

"Now, what are you doing, dreaming about me, love?" John asked. His trench coat had been removed and his sleeves had been rolled up to his elbows as he sat on the edge of your bed.

"The fugitive must've done something. It's fine, y'know, can't two friends hang out in a dream?" You chuckled nervously, sitting on a beanbag on the ground, crossing your legs and trying to act perfectly normal, although you knew that Kamadeva's magic wasn't for friends and John had special abilities when it came to dreams - he knew you were dreaming then and when you woke up, he'd know you'd been dreaming about him.

"Friends...that's not how I'd describe you and me. The way you act around me...it's not typical for friends, is it, sweetheart?" John asked with an undeniably attractive grin on his face.

"Don't call me that." You said, unable to stop heat from rising to your cheeks as John tilted his head to the side.

"And why not? I do it all the time. Or is it suddenly becoming less...friendly?" John asked before you felt your body stand up and walk to him. You definitely wanted to be near to him but, unaware of how much John would know about this dream when you woke up, you had to try and resist having fun. You came to stand just in front of him but he pulled you closer still, holding you by the waist as he guided you to straddle his lap.

"John..." You started, feeling your heart race as John leaned in towards you, pressing a kiss from your jaw to your neck to your collarbone and then pulling away to look at your flushed face as you gasped and breathed heavily, chest heaving up and down for John to marvel at.

"Pretty..." He mumbled with a dazed smile on his face.

"What?" You asked, not believing his words despite the whole situation being a fantasy.

"I said, pretty. Prettiest "friend" I've ever had the pleasure of knowing." John said, making you smile and look away from him. John seemed to realise the effect of his words and how you partially didn't believe them.

"I mean it, love," John said, snaking a hand behind your head to cradle the back of your neck, but when he watched you shudder and flinch slightly as his hand touched the skin, he grinned wickedly.

"Oh?" He asked, testing his theory of sensitivity by ghosting his fingers along your neck again and watching as you fell apart.

"John, I--" You managed meekly, but he only chuckled deeply before coiling one hand around your neck and tightening his grip ever so slightly as the other palm rested on your thigh.

"And how do you enjoy that, love?" He asked, watching your breath hitch but noticing your blatant satisfaction. John squeezed a little harder before letting go completely and smiling charmingly at you before leaning in and pulling your head down gently so your lips could meet his.

...

Unfortunately, just before the kiss you had dreamed about would occur so vividly in your mind, you woke up, panting heavily and in desperate need of a cool down.

You walked into the kitchen where the girls were, in just your pajamas, hair a mess and heart racing.

"The fugitive get to you too?" Sara asked, a smile on her face as Charlie beamed brightly.

"Yeah." You nodded as Sara handed you a glass of cold water.

"Well, personally, I really enjoyed my night. Blowing David Bowie's mind." Charlie grinned as Sara chuckled and Zari rolled her eyes with a smile.

"Who'd you get a leg over, Z? Wait, lemme guess, Nate? No, Kamadeva?" Zari stayed silent but raised her eyebrows making you and Sara look at her incredulously.

"Both?" You and she asked.

See the full post

331 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[rrrawrf-rewrites]

hello!

i'm rrrawrf, also known as lisa! you may or may not know me over at @rrrawrf-writes or my main, @rrrawrf.

i've been kicking around the idea of creating a new writing blog for a while now, mostly because my original one is a hot mess with no coherent tag system and lots of extraneous chatter. so now i'm doing it!

who are you again? typically i go by lisa! i don't mind rrrawrf or kili, tho. 33, they/them, airline employee. my main hobbies are roleplaying and listening to music, and sometimes i even write! mostly tho i just talk about airports and sleep.

what do you write? mostly medieval fantasy and superpowers! no fan fiction here, unfortunately. everything is from various worlds and settings i've put together over the years.

this blog is very empty. it will likely stay that way for a while to begin with, but i plan on queuing up posts! i am going to attempt not to spam everyone. the ultimate plan is to bring what i want to keep over from my original writeblr, but this time with consistent tags and occasionally in the proper chronological order where applicable. i'll be reblogging a lot of things from others, as well, and leaving behind some things i'm not really keen on re-sharing.

your old blog??? will still be there! i am not deactivating it, because i have lots of posts with warm fuzzy notes that i treasure and cherish. i just won't be posting to it very much any more! if you did follow me over there, please follow this one! i would very much appreciate it <3

why is this one called rrrawrf-REwrites? because there are some things i've posted that i want to rewrite, and because this is a revamp of the old one! once i've finished moving and updating, i may change the names so that this one has the og blog name, but we'll see.

why should i follow you? because i'm nice 🥺

hope to see you around!

[joe-mazzello-archive]

love your gifs so much! do you have any tips on giffing things? any programs or resources?

bruh i'm honored cuz i have never been asked this before 🥺 i appreciate you!!!

as for tips, i don't have anything really that groundbreaking, since i learned everything i know from other tumblr tutorials but here is some general advice: (i'm away from my computer rn so i don't have any visuals to go with this answer, sorry)

the higher quality the source the better, so like if i see something on ig that i want to gif, i aaaaalways check to see if there is a higher resolution upload on youtube. it's also likely to be cropped less weird

as far as programs go, i use photoshop for the editing, kmplayer for capping, and bittorrent for torrenting. for downloading off of social media, i'll just google "[social media] downloader" and use whatever site pops up first

sharpening is your friend! make it nice and crisp. my sharpening settings totally vary edit to edit depending on the quality of video i'm working with so take the time to play and figure out what looks the best

when it comes to coloring, my method is to always neutralize the colors before i start playing with funky coloring. it makes it easier to manipulate.

biggest advice: be patient. your skills will grow over time. i've only recently begun to dabble in edits beyond just basic giffing and it takes me a really really long time but tbh that's why i do it. it's fun and it's a challenge and when you figure out how to make it do the thing you want it to do, it's hella rewarding

also, it's an art form. so the best thing to do is to appreciate and learn from other artists. support other gifmakers! reblog their stuff and leave them lovely messages in the tags about their work. when one of my gif-making friends leaves a tag about how they like my coloring or something, it makes my entire week

thanks for sending this ask and i wish you luck on your gif-making!

[lokischocolatefountain]

Just finished reading separation, [I know I already reblogged it, but I felt the need to explain the emotional roller-coaster I went through and figured it would be best to explain it here]

Ahem... THE ANGST DURING THE FIRST HALF OMFG! 😫 HAD ME ON EDGE! and then him SCREAMING "FUCKING TELL ME" I had to pause and recollect myself bc lord have mercy that did something to me (I don't know what nor can I say if it's good or bad 🫣)

But seeing Javi being worried/concerned that he fucked up AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IN WHAT WHY... I was sobbing, screaming, crying, pulling my hair out. Heart breaking, to say the least 😭

I LOVED them communicating, and Javi wanting/needing reader to open up and communicate with him but still not forcing reader into doing so... again sobbing and crying while screaming 😭

Reader telling him the reason why she left and him not being able to say/do much because it's not something he can control but still trying to comfort reader 🥺

And last but not least [I could rant about this fic, but alas I won't]

“You like this, don’t you?” He asked, lowering the register of his voice the way she liked as he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “You want me to possess you, to hurt anyone who would want you that way I have you. You like that I can be a dangerous man.”

That, my friends... that was FUCKING HOT 🥵

All this to say, I LOVED LOVED LOVED everything about this fic! I love how you write my beloved Javi 🥹🫶🏽

I would love to be added to your tag list 🙃 I hope you have a lovely day/night 🫶🏽 and you'll be hearing from me again when I either reread all your fics or when a new fic comes out 🤪

That is all from me. I just needed to let everyone know that I am OBSESSED with this fic and would recommend it to everyone 😌 [it is 4am and I'm feeling bold, so for the first, I will not be posting anonymously... 🫣]

Stay safe, healthy, and hydrated ❣️

First of all, I love your url. It’s perfect and hilarious 😆 Secondly, THANK YOU for the reblog and this beautiful comment. I love when I’m taken on an emotional rollercoaster so it’s cool to know that I wrote something that was an emotional rollercoaster haha.

Ngl, the “fucking tell me!” wasn’t supposed to be that way, I just meant it to be angsty. But then I went back to read it after your comment and now I’m like 👀 It just reminded me of how hot he is when angry (like in the scene where he’s yelling at a guy trying to find Helena). I want him to scream at me 😩 and that’s all I can say without being sent right to horny jail.

Javi is a soft, gentle, kind man despite everything he has seen and done. And he has this strong sense of duty and doing the right thing. Combined, those characteristics would make him want to be a good husband. He cares for everyone deeply and he starts caring fast. So someone he marries would have all his care and love and respect. He would want to treat her right and make her happy, but he can’t always do that because of his job and because he’s only human. Humans make mistakes. But he’s not one to forgive himself. He’ll keep a ledger of his faults and go over them repeatedly. So when someone he loves leaves out of the blue like that, his instinct is to blame himself. He goes over the ledger, try to figure out what exactly he did wrong this time and when he can’t figure it out, he just feels worse.

I think he can’t bear it when people cry. Because he cares. So even though he wants answers more than anything, he stops his pursuit quickly to hold her and comfort her.

Yessss I’m glad you enjoyed that part about him knowing how she likes that he can be dangerous. That part is a bit of a self-insert, tbh. But can ya blame me? Irl, I would never go for someone who shot people (and got shot at) for a living but since it’s Javi and he’s not real, I can let my worst fantasies run wild. And wanting someone something I know I shouldn’t want… that’s 🥵🥵🥵

This comment is the best thing ever and it makes my heart all warm and fuzzy. Thank you thank you thank you sooooo much for this. I’ll keep it in mind to tag you in my future Javi fics. And I’m excitedly waiting to hear from you again 💜