#i see all these posts on tumblr and twitter and what not about forgiving yourself and they're like

[kr9vorebeazt]

DISCLAIMER!!: PLEASE DO NOT HARASS, SENDING DEATH THREATS, BULLY, AND ATTACK THE PERSON THAT I CALLED OUT. IT'S BETTER FOR YOU TO ALWAYS STAY MATURE FOR WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THIS FANDOM

Hello everyone, well, I can't believe I must make a callout thread about this. I actually don't want to make it because I don't wanna cause any dramas, but I must made this to make everyone in this fandom aware and do the right action for what's happening in this fandom.

Read more:

CHRONOLOGY:

So at yesterday, when I opened and scrolled tumblr, I found a post from @marshalllir talking about a DL fan who commented negatively about one of @hostik 's post. And I immediately recognized that person. It's one of my follower that I follow

The post:

Well, Let's talk about this

CLARIFY:

About her commented negatively in some Haiden posts, this is not the first time I see her commented like that, I remembered when she's commented on one of @deadfileinthecabinet 's post(as I remember) about Haiden aswell. I ever told her to stop commenting like that and let people enjoy what they like and if she doesn't like it/hate it, just do not interact with them, especially put a negative comment. As time goes by, I thought she was already changed but after I see this post, I feel so dissapointed. All time I've been putting my faith to her expecting her to change turns out like that? Well, because of this, I think it's my time to expose her NOT so good side.

THE NOT SO GOOD SIDE(TW!: MENTIONS ABOUT P*DOPHILIA/GROOMING):

So, as the name suggests, She's definetly a Frank Marwey big fan. She loves to make and post about Frank, even make her own Monster!Frank AU that I was interested to. Did you know that she has 2 Twitter/X account? One of her account is a NSFW account.

Now, before we talk about the NSFW part, let me say this. She ships Frank x Lawan and Frank x Aiden(I think now she ships her DL oc with Frank now, But I personally know that she still ship these ships)

Problem? Yes, Frank x Lawan has a BIG problem in it. In DL2 canon lore, Lawan met Frank when she was young and views him as her dad figure. Shiping her with Frank is sounds problematic and might be considered as p*dophilia. Their age gap are TOO BIG even they're both are adults plus, Frank is Lawan's father figure and Frank is old enough to be her dad.

How about Frank x Aiden problem? Same, their age gap is TOO BIG to be considered as a couple

But Aiden x Hakon- Their age gap is tolerable, plus their relationship isn't Father and Son alike duo so it's safe.

Ok back to her shipping problem and the ACTUAL problem that I wanted to talk about, not just the problem of her shipping taste, but also she ever made a NSFW art of them. Do I have a problem? Yes, she ever post a NSFW of Frank x Lawan.

Unfortunately, the posts about that I mentioned are deleted. Maybe because there's someone who called her out before I did back then. Yet she still ships them.

"But, it's my AU! It never be canon" I know it's an AU but that doesn't mean you can cover up your problematic stuff that you did easily. Do we can easily believe you after saying that? No right? We are not fools.

MESSAGES TO HER:

I'm sorry if I did bring back your past mistakes to you, but this is the warning that I could do to you even I did the wrong thing. Something has kicking me out to expose your past actions to public again. I'm truly very sorry about it.

But, that doesn't mean I can easily forgiving you. Since this is a warning post to you, All I want to tell is that YOU MUST make an apology post. DO NOT PUT THE BLAME/PLAYING VICTIM TO ANYONE OR ME A.K.A. YOU MUST BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL YOUR ACTIONS EVEN THOSE ARE JUST THE PAST

I'm glad that you finally realized your mistake about you posting NSFW arts of your ship yet you still ship them. I need you to stop what you're doing. If you want to ship Frank with someone, make an OC x Canon ship by yourself, is that hard to do for you? Atleast, it's better than you still shipping the problematic ships and post it online.

Mark my words, if you dislike something, DO NOT INTERACT WITH THE THING THAT YOU DISLIKE EVEN YOU JUST PUT NEGATIVE COMMENTS OF IT AND LET PEOPLE DOING WHAT THEY LIKE. The Algorithm will thought you like it and keep giving you more post about something that you don't like

CONCLUSION:

In this case, yes, she's indeed problematic. Yet we must give her a chance to change herself into a better person. I believe that soon she realizes her mistakes and trying her best to change into a better person. We must stay mature of what's happening in this fandom problem.

If you're reading this, I give you a second chance to be a better person. Do it, I'm still have a faith into you so you can be a good person that everyone knows.

I don't blame and mad at you. I'm just giving you and people in the fandom a warning.

May God forgives our sins

CLOSING:

Thank you so much for reading this. And also to those people that I tagged, I'm sorry for the random sudden tag.

I'll see ya soon, have a great day/night

Edit: If I got any mistakes, please you can correct me. Thank you :3

[nyx-bait]

Okay. About the Slimecicle stuff because I've seen two extremes and I'm kind of fully in the middle. Under the read more, if you don't know, don't click, just spare yourself knowing.

Cw for nsfw rpf, heavy kinks, rape, etc.

I understand Tumblr's opinion that this was personal. I agree with that and I hate leaktwt with a passion. I also saw how people treated Charlie and Grace post-breakup, the way people speculated about every afab friend Charlie hung out with, all of that, and frankly, I'm not surprised that now, he isn't even engaging with fans online who are worried. People speculating got us into this mess.

Which... it is a mess. I don't blame people for shrugging it off as just discourse, but the fact of the matter is that Jinx followed an account that specifically posted nsfw art of Charlie. All of it involved him, most of it involved him in situations of assault. There was uncomfortable gore in some of them. Not only that, but the art featured other ccs who have stated that this makes them uncomfortable, such as Mariana, and even people who are not ccs at all, such as Grace.

She followed this account shortly after meeting Charlie in person. The account also had art of Ranboo, another friend of hers. She claimed in her statement that she followed it forever ago and probably for something unrelated to real people. It seems likely that she lied. She also didn't explain what the content was despite it being known the account posted rape art, obscuring the facts, and she didn't apologize.

I believe they lied to Charlie about this as well, and he believed them. His twitch mods have confirmed that he was only spoken to before Jinx's statement, and thus its unlikely he saw the reaction, the evidence their statement didn't match the facts, or the uncomfortable content in their likes.

(That last part I'm a little iffy about. Twitter has run to use the word "pedophile." I don't think they are, but Jinx does have likes with Raven from Teen Titans in suggestive outfits, and cosplayers of Tails from Sonic with their tits out. It's at least mildly concerning.)

People think it's parasocial to police who someone is dating. This is absolutely correct, and the stuff I've seen of people freaking out over a grown man potentially having a hickie is absolutely too far. The problem is NOT that Jinx is active sexually. In my opinion, it's that she lied about what content she was looking for, and likely just brushed it off as nsfw when it was usually involving assault.

I've seen people dismiss Charlie as a terrible freak or weirdo now when none of this is his fault and I'm 99% sure he doesn't have the full story. I'm more worried that he's a victim of something to be perfectly honest, and that's why I find it hard to just move on.

Because no one should have known this much about someone's private life, but now that we do, it's hard when you're worried someone's in trouble. I don't think Jinx is a good person. I don't care if Charlie chooses to forgive her, but I wish something would be said so we know he knows.

It's a really complicated situation. I'm trying to navigate it without being parasocial, but I don't think it's wrong to be worried about a creator you enjoy. It's just that pushing too much isn't going to change his mind, and it feels uncomfortable to just let it go when someone could get hurt.

I just hope this gets sorted out soon, because I've seen people I like talking to start to distance themselves for their own comfort, and it sucks to see.

[silverskull]

In case you weren't there before he deleted his tweets, here's what happened:

Eric Winter reposted a pro-T*ump video on tiktok the day after the US election

Twitter Rookie fandom were incredibly upset (in particular, people who have been targeted by t*ump supporters - women, POC, Harris voters)

People literally posted screenshots of PAID MESSAGES they sent to Eric's cameo begging him to clear his name

Eric Winter came on twitter and started saying he was hacked. Hacked by hackers who only wanted to repost one t*ump video.

I did not take screenshots of everything, but he took time out of his "search for the hackers" to bitch at disappointed young fans ⤵️

This was far more upsetting to a lot of us than publicly posting something he may have intended to share privately (although his reputation is damaged regardless). He was cornered and he turned nasty. Despite apparently trying to figure out the mystery of his first ever tiktok mistake, he was spending time snapping at disillusioned and scared people on twitter.

After a while he deleted all the recent tweets, the hackers disappeared into legend, and he put this one up instead⤵️

"Offended"?!?

The video was in support of a man who wants to tax the poor (not those as wealthy as Eric Winter)! Who wants to deport the families of ordinary US Americans (not those with secure citizenship like Eric Winter)! Who threatened people of colour (not white dudes like Eric Winter)! Who has abused, demeaned and intends to reduce basic human rights of girls and women (not men like Eric Winter)!

And then (you can see the numbers for yourself) people jumped into his comments to protect and 'defend' him, like they've been 'defending' man babies like him all along. "You were never wrong, Eric Winter!" "What's in S7 Eric Winter?!" "Your vote is private and has no effect on other people Eric Winter!"

👀

There are people on twitter that spend their whole lives reposting art/gifs from creators on tumblr (maybe sometimes they'll include a hidden thread post with no link to 'chenfdsrce'). They were some of the first to forgive him. "Oh hee hee I always accidentally repost stuff too Eric Winter!"

NO BITCH. NONE OF YOU EVER "ACCIDENTALLY" REPOST STUFF. You are VERY DAMN CALCULATED about your search for clout.

If he was really apologetic, he wouldn't have wasted time snarling at people on twitter while trying to figure out the big mystery of how his private tiktok views had gone public.

The only good thing to come from this is that it has very clearly highlighted the t*ump supporters and parasocial sycophants on most platforms, and it's made it very easy to curate a nice block list for yourself.

I'm sorry for the chenford fans, internationally and in the center of the universe - the USA - (/sarcasm) who have had one small touchstone of joy badly damaged by this. It will be hard to justify the financial support of actors, no matter how beloved their characters, when you've been let down this badly. That's a decision you can make in January.

Anyway, yo ho ho and a bottle of PIRATE RUM, because pirates are the only thing that made rum cool in the first place. 🏴‍☠️

[rainbowsky]

Anonymous asked: hello! i came across something on twt and i was wondering how true it was. i seen your post ab the leds and banners and how antis hate them however there was a supposed video on twitter where [redacted]

This is in reference to a previous post.

Sorry, Anon, some of what you posted is blatant lies (even if they aren't your own lies) and I can't publish that on my blog.

Also, forgive me for being totally fed up with this topic.

Yes, it's absolutely true that ALL LED BANNERS are generally not allowed at events like this. Fans sneak them in. All fans of all colors. MTJJ sneak them in, turtles sneak them in, Yixing fans sneak theirs in, etc. etc.

In fact, even rival fan groups have helped each other smuggle in their light banners at times (such as for Tencent 2020, when turtles and others helped XFX get their banners in - and brought red banners themselves - so they could give GG his red ocean). Fans have also shared solid color panel graphics to each other that they could load onto their phone screens to hold up when their light banners were confiscated.

It is a widely known reality that light banners are generally considered contraband at events, especially large ones.

No doubt there is plenty of footage of security yelling at fans and arguing with them about their banners. Some of which involved security coming after motos and trying to get them to lower their banners (there are clips of that in my post!), and some yelling at turtles. This should not be even remotely surprising.

No doubt there was also a tsunami of complaints from MTJJ about the presence of turtles. They love trying to get turtles into trouble, creating huge disruptions around turtles and then pointing at that disruption and saying, "See, they're so disruptive!"

As I said in my post, security is concerned with visibility and comfort for all audience members and will require obnoxious banners to be lowered/removed, regardless of color.

Solos cherry-pick clips that seem to support their claims, conveniently either editing to remove context or only showing situations where turtle banners were being addressed by security - all to deliberately mislead people into thinking it was specific to turtles. Especially on Twitter, where antis deliberately mistranslate things for unsuspecting international fans.

As I showed in my post, they will present clips that appear to be about one thing when it's actually something else entirely. Don't believe their BS. Don't be a rube, my friend. Use your head.

If you're going to go around Twitter and read posts from antis, that's your choice, but realize you're going to be duped, misled and abused, and don't come crying to me about it. I'm getting tired of people sending me anti messages and asking me to parse them. You should be able to do that yourself by now.

And if you can't or won't curate your online experience, and if you're determined to hang around haters on Twitter and get drawn into hate threads there, don't import their garbage here. I and others on Tumblr are here for a reason. We're not on Twitter for a reason.

Please read this post for more info.

And I have this final word on the topic: All of this is just fanwar BS. It really doesn't matter who did what, which banners were what, who said what, etc. etc. Focus on DD and his performance. Nothing else is important.

[loveydoveylex]

I just wanted to say that you motivated me to like, I think the words you used was "curate my space"? (I can't really remember, I'm sorry, English is not my first language ;__;)

I have a F/O from a media that's not that much popular, and I tend to find the same person who selfships with my F/O on any social media, Twitter, FB, Tumblr, Instagram... Even YouTube. They're everywhere, and their love for my F/O is so we'll know that people in the fandom even mention them on posts related to my F/O. I tried so hard let it slide and be happy for them, but it was making me quite sad. I tried to suppress my feelings, but at the end of the day I felt like a hypocrite.

So when I saw your posts related to block people to make your space a better, comfy place, I tried it out and felt so much better. I can say a little more openly that I'm not-sharing, and I don't feel ashamed as I used to feel. It sucks, of course, cause I don't like to feel this way, but at the same time it feels nice to see other people like you, who are not-sharing, being so supportive! :)

So what I'm trying to say is... Thank you. Your posts make me feel happy! :D

(I hope I made myself clear, please forgive me for any misspelled words!)

AAAAAAA anon omg don't worry at all, your english is perfectly fine! this was SUCH a sweet thing to receive, it warms my heart to know I could help you be more open and comfortable with that aspect of yourself! ❤️ there's nothing wrong with being nonsharing - we often get emotionally attached to our f/os as if they were real people as our brains can't emotionally distinguish fiction from reality (the reason we cry from sad movies, for example). it's completely understandable that some of us feel strongly about our boundaries related to sharing. and that's perfectly fine! you're valid, I'm valid, we're all valid!

I hope you have a lovely day, and remember: your f/o loves you more than anything! they would choose you in any universe <3

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

yet another post on simon and labels

For the record, I feel the need to clarify that when I talk about Simon and labels, it’s not because I want him to label himself. He could be a fifty-year-old that’s like “what am I? hell if I know” and that would be fine and gucci (it’s how I personally approach my identity; it’s okay to not have all the answers! it’s okay to have no answers at all!). I think it’s important that both the authorial intent and the main takeaway for the readers is to see how hard it can be to figure yourself out, to still fall in love despite not having the answers. If I never interacted with or even seen this fandom at all, I would’ve walked away with “canonically unlabeled main character” and left it there. 

At the same time, and perhaps in the interest of analysis (to a certain extent, perhaps with the same kind of curiosity one wonders whether Simon will ever know his mom visited) I’ve seen people wonder. Leaving something open usually invites speculation... Because this is a fictional (emphasis on fictional; I’ve been unfortunately cursed with the knowledge that people get on twitter dot com to do this to real people, which is beyond fucked up) character, I don’t think it’s wrong to wonder for character analysis purposes, (or for fanfic purposes, if one wants to understand something because they have a specific story to tell). Or perhaps in attempts to figure oneself through fiction.

When I log on to say “he makes so much more sense as in the ace spectrum” I’m not just analyzing, I’m also working through assumptions about intimacy and the ways in which the books challenge how attraction is perceived and I find that meaningful. There’s a reason why so many people who identify somewhere in the acespec feel drawn to these books. When I say “the kid is likely gay but struggles with not wanting to be perceived as gay/fears experiencing homophobia” I don’t mean to undermine him not wanting to be labeled (which, by the way, is also fitting for someone who has been defined by labels for so long: to just simply go unlabeled as he finds out who he is and what he wants, unburdened by expectations at last) I’m partly responding to the seemingly popular idea (which remains as an impulse, despite him being canonically unlabeled) to paint him as bisexual (which, at worst, results in people writing off the series as bi-erasure, or judging it for things it never attempted to do, so forgive me if I come here to yell about people being loud and wrong in my little blog). I also discuss him likely being gay because I do think the ways in which the books capture how heteronormativity and comphet can fuck us up (for the record, I know bi folks can also experience both!) it’s worth discussing. Our fear of not belonging, or not wanting to be gay because we’re afraid of not being accepted or being in danger because of it (Simon literally has the instincts to look over his shoulder to see if they’re being watched when he first kisses Baz!) being captured in a story where ultimately, the gays are alright and happy and together... for me? it’s worth discussing. (I’m also a serial over-thinker. Shit along the lines of “but tumblr user sailorblossoms, how can you say he is or isn’t interested in [whatever] when Simon thinks [insert quote]?” has sparked many posts haha)

I probably wouldn’t have been on here saying “Simon is likely gay” and “I’m confident this guy isn’t a woman-liker” without My Rosebud Boy, and AU written by the author, attempting to capture the essence of her characters in a different scenario, that has Simon in his early thirties saying “I’m gay. I used to have a problem with being perceived as/being gay, but not anymore.” Because this for me validated the perception I had with certain things that I was seeing in the books. If you asked me to speculate (because I ain’t a mind-reader) based on interviews and things I have seen the author say on social media, I would say that when CO came out, the author did genuinely not what Simon was, because the intent has been that it’s okay not to know from day one. Sexuality can be complicated, and the main intention was to not define him. But by the time MRB comes out, well... Simon says it. But also: this isn’t at odds with the intent in the trilogy. Simon is barely not a teenager there. He’s a thirty something adult in MRB. Different circumstances, different life stages, etc etc (I have lots of thoughts on that AU but I don’t want to lose the thread). The other thing the author has said from day one (before the sequels were even a thought) which remained consistent, is that good ol’ Simon is a “Baz-sexual.” That, for me, is among the big takeaways: Simon has not experienced true attraction before Baz. I’m not here saying this guy is interested in guys in general either – as soon as Baz is in the picture, it’s game over (who notices a match when you’re in the middle of a forest fire?). There are many people (and fictional characters) who experience attraction to a lot of people, all the time, even when they’re in love with one person. But Simon ain't one of them. He doesn’t say he’s “a Baz-romantic.” He says “a Baz-sexual” with his whole chest. 

[danma-chan]

And the reasons I reblog with a long ass description is to clear my name from what has been accused by that person. If you know, you know there is somebody try to start make a drama. A type of person who demands problems and yet suddenly cutting people off whenever the person’s ass got busted LMAOOOO Imagine walking into the hall of shame when someone exposed how pathetic “victim complex” you are..Ouch…God still forgives your shit but from people..Hmm 😌 Anyways, if any of you are not going to any sides, that's cool, I have no right to stop you be friend with anyone but please do not hear from one-sided only. Everything is in the docx. You all are the judges 🤝

First and foremost, Bakugan fandom is literally fun, supportive and people are free to go crazy about their ships, love hard on your fav characters, making AUs, make fanarts, fanfics and more. I really love to see Bakugan is alive again and Im glad the fandom didnt die yet 🥰🥹

Unfortunately, not everything is sweet and joy until somebody being pressed over a character and anyone who is having interested with heterosexual ships. That’s a major toxic there especially with proudly represent “Fabia cannot have any dickss!!”, “God forbid she dont get to deserves be with ANY of the males!!” I would like to ask you. Who are you? If you hate the character, that is fine. LITERALLY FINE, you are allow too eventho you barely watch everything 🙄 but you don’t have to making it "You have to hate this character”, or “Whoever into straight ships are the worst people ever period" Let me ask you again, who the fuck are you to judges someone interests? Tell me some VALID points to hate Fabia's characteristic and liking straight ships?? If yes, then that makes Fabia’s lover and straight shippers real hypocrites lol If you’re telling me that you’re allow to hate something, I can do the same too but I dont depises based on people’s interests like you 😉😌 I believe nobody likes rude people who judges their own interests. I called it a joy-killer, just disgusting and ew..🤢 And what makes you more hypocrites that you try hard to blend in but ended up eating your own shit and hypocritically went “straight ships annoys me” in your feeds. Boy, if you don’t like it, then ignore and move on. You don’t need to spread the toxictivity in the fandom nor oppress others for liking their straight ships. Its giving MHA fans vibes lmao and its better to set as private on that multiple account of yours next time 😌

Second, you blocked me from the first place like okay xD?? Who are you again lol 😅 We barely talk in Discord yet talk bad things behind me at the public?? Ok?? It would be a lie if nobody informed me that my name got mentioned and then accused I’ve been standoffish to you like? 🤔 Because from what I analyse on what you accused from Aisha’s side, you apologized due you’re drunk but then, keep talk bad things about her bruh…Also, how can you tell that I have vaguepost about you specifically the fact that you blocked me? Hm curious..🤣 Better check the docx again. If you felt your ass burns from my posts, that’s your problem because I said in general and it can be anyone 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can say whatever in the internet too, Tumblr, Twitter etc as it’s also my personal spaces too 😂 Its how you read lol Said that I dont be straight to the point to you but how can I reach you if you blocked me?? I wonder who is the real pussy here…Even Aisha confronted you but you blocked her instead like a ahemm smol dick cough there 🤧 That would be pointless to me if I did the same too because you will keep coming back with the hate posts so obviously, me nor Aisha are not the problem 🙂Victimise yourself again? Having traumas as an excuses or what-so-ever is giving you a legal ticket to oppress others hm? Motives? I dont think is a right thing to do. Its pathetically immature🙄

To conclude, negative people love to stir up a lot of drama around them and that’s the kind of power they can get. They like the attention that they get from making people upset. Sounds accurate, yes? If the shoes fits.. Thats why people are distancing from you 😮‍💨 I’m passive aggressive? Check again in the docx. file given. I’m insufferable bitch? I get used to bite and eat venomous people as my basics. Strong immune ig LMAO And I also grateful and blessed because I surrounded myself with KIND people. No matter what and who they are either TERFs, Homophobes,Transphobe Bi etc (Except pedo,invader,rape apologist lol) If they’re kind to me, I will also be kind for them. Easy said 🥰 And my only wish for the small almost-dead fandom to be clean from negativity. I have been in a glory days and most people left because some immatures like your kind of person who dispises, bullying other people’s interests and preferences. Being a proud hater as hobbyani? Man, get real for real 🙄🙄

Lastly, from the docx. file. Hope you eat, suck and chew hard with your own words. May next time, be better for real and repent. Cheers 👍🏻

sharing this because this dude keeps slandering me and i'm tired of it

[ramblingdisaster73]

Hey! I just wanted to say I'm sorry if my post this morning about Owen made you feel bad. I deleted it, cause I hadn't intended it to be about anyone who might have a relatable situation of the same manner. It was mostly geared towards the Twitter girls who find everything under the sun to bash Owen about, that one specific thing being one of many, and wanting him dead because of it. But I didn't assume I might be hurting someone in the process, so I apologize if I did.

No, it wasn’t you at all. I haven’t even said anything about that particular situation in a while – I only replied to give you a reason on why some people are having a hard time letting that particular thing go – like you can forgive it, but it is very hard to forget. My father said it to me in 1989, and I can still remember where we were when he said it, what I was sitting on, what TV show was on.

But, I never thought you posted it to be hurtful – just expressing your frustration (which is another part of fandom – being able to express yourself when you need to) with seeing the same argument a few seasons later. Which seems to happen a lot with both Strand men, really.

I totally agree that Owen has made a real effort on screen (instead of us just hearing something occurred or just hoping it happened) this season and I have been very happy to see it. I loved the whole montage of the parents/Tarlos talking at the end of 4x12 – the Owen & TK part probably my favorite scene of theirs, it was what I had needed to see from them, and I am grateful that I got it.

The thing that prompted my first post was actually in response to a couple anon asks I got bitching about me asking about the wedding budget when I posted the price list for the real venue and the asks that I and others have received any time we have been critical of anything Carlos or Owen related this season. Not your post at all.

Twitter Fandom is a very weird place – other than Carlos, I am not completely sure what some of them even like about the show. I don’t even go anywhere near the reddit fandom anymore, I am convinced most of them hate the show and only watch it to hate on it (that was as of ½ way through last season at least – I haven’t ventured there this season). Facebook fandom seems to hate the gays and love Rob – or at least the more aggressive or loud fans give that impression. Each week they bitch about any Tarlos content (even when there isn’t any in the episode)– and they loved it when the fucking asshole reverend told them that they were going to hell.

Tumblr was kind of the last place that felt like you didn’t have to agree with everyone else, but could share your thoughts/etc. and still be in connected with other fans of the show.

[sp00kysabrina]

ranting about how i hate being vulnerable while literally being vulnerable on this blue hellsite??

whenever I think of me as a child I'm filled with so much hate for her. i want to punch her in the face . i hate that I was a vulnerable child like the rest of them. i think back to all the times as a child i let someone hurt my feelings or i actually allowed myself to feel upset when a parent wouldn't let me over and i hate that I let it get to me. i hate that i allowed myself to feel and i hate that sometimes stupid stupid stupid child me would actually let people know i . felt

and sometimes i still feel like a child and i hate myself even more. i subconsciously was making my aunt into a mother figure even tho i dislike my aunt. but i forgot all the reasons i hated my aunt bc i was desperate for a mother and i allowed myself to talk about some things I like w her and what not. and then it all came crumbling down a few weeks later when she reminded me of all the reasons i dislike her and i realized what i was doing out of my subconscious and vulnerable state and i realized i just allowed myself to get more hurt. i can't believe i let myself be that child again i can't believe i did something like that i hate myself for it. and then. the worst thing i ever did the most embarrassing moment of my life. literally just a couple months ago, I, a full blown teenager, 16 at the time, accidentally cried in front of my mother and didn't even stop after i realized what i was doing. like . the number of times i cried in front of my family as a kid i can count on one hand. i never cried in front of anybody else, not at school, public, wherever whoever nobody as a kid. and i never cried in front of anybody as a teenager. until dumb*ss head*ss stupid*ss me woke up from what i would later recognize as the worst, most gruesome, heartbreaking string of nightmares in my life (that are still going on yay!!! but now I'm used to it and can control my emotions!!) and i felt trapped in my room and went into the living room to escape my nightmares and then it all hit me and i couldn't hold it back i was at the wrong place at the wrong time and i cried . i . i literally can't believe i did that . waking up and crying to mommy and daddy about nightmares is something kids do when they're like 6 and yet there i was. crying in front of the person I'd rather go to war than see me vulnerable bc i know how it goes when I'm vulnerable with her and yet i still did it. no self control. like a child

[popopretty]

The Day I Picked Up Dazai - Side A (5)

Links to Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Final

This is the translation from page 52 to page 62 of Side A of the Dazai novel which was given out as free bonus for those who come to the cinema to watch the BEAST live action movie in Japan.

Please carefully read the notes below before progressing.

- This post contains spoilers. If you plan to read the novel later yourself and think this would ruin your expectation, please stop here.

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...

A series of pictures float in and out of my mind.

A coffee shop. A blue rain leaving water droplets on the glass of the store. A novel with only the first and the middle volume.

Regret. Blood patterns on the wall.

“There is no mercy in this world.”

That is the voice of the younger me.

That’s right. No-one can forgive themselves. I will not forgive myself either.

Last volume of the novel.

“Writing novels is writing people.”

The man with the mustache. There is a ring of truth in his voice. Or perhaps I just want to believe that.

To answer that question, I have set my foot on a long track.

One day in a room with a view of the ocean, I will walk to my desk and…

When I wake up, I can’t tell where I am right away.

There is a wall in front of me. A bare concrete wall. A dark and damp wall, with black marks of water dripping, staining the color of the material. I can see nothing else. Even if I turn my head around, all I can see is that wall. I cannot turn my body.

I am being tied to a chair.

“Before we start, let me tell you this.” There is a voice behind my back. I have heard this voice before. “I don’t like violence.”

I remember whose voice that is. That is the older cop who came to my house.

“I don’t like it when people use violence. I don’t like to use it either. So just think about this as business.”

Sound of something cutting through the wind.

An intense pain gouges into my back the very next moment. My skin tears off, my bones crack.

Something hard has struck my back. A baton, a gun grip, or probably a blackjack.

The attacker is still out of my sight. There is only pain that shoots through my nerves and pierces into my brain.

“It works, right?” the guy starts speaking. His voice is soft, as if he is lecturing a kid. “I went easy on you. I know very well how much pain one can tolerate, and at what point it will become unbearable. I have wielded this for decades.”

“There are still things you don’t know.” I say.

The man’s voice goes silent for a second, then he speaks in a hard voice. “What?”

“You don’t know how to torture.” I say. “If you are going to hurt your victim, you have to ask questions first. What’s the point of hurting them before you ask? You’re just tiring both of us out.”

I can sense a snort of laughter.

Following that is another blow, this time close to my neck. A flash bounces through my entire body. Starting from my neck, the pain feels as if every single nerve in my body is being pulled out. This one is stronger than the last.

“You are right, young man. This is not a textbook interrogation.” says the voice behind my back. “But there are times when everything should be done according to the textbook, and there are times when it should not. I know that much. This is just a preparation for you to open your mouth more smoothly later. So, rest assured.”

“Good to know.” I say, keeping my eyes on the wall. “So let’s get back to the main point… If it’s about those counterfeit notes, I know absolutely nothing.”

The notes that Dazai was carrying. The source of all this. The huge bomb that Dazai, the messenger of calamity, has brought in.

It is not a surprise that such perfect notes can get intelligent agencies of other countries involved.

However, the guy’s reaction after that betrays all of my expectations.

“… counterfeit notes?”

That voice with a question mark attached to it floats unreliably and fluffily in the air, before it unravels and disappears.

My instinct tells me that it is a voice of perplexity.

“You don’t know about the fake money?” I ask. “Isn’t that what you are after, the counterfeit money and Dazai?” “That friend of yours is called Dazai? Who is he?”

I am going to say Port Mafia, but I shallow the words back in my throat. I should not tell them about Dazai’s identity if the money is not what they are after.

“There seems to be some misunderstandings here. I should clear that up first. We are here for you.”

“What?”

“Where’s the painting?”

The guy asks in a hard, commanding tone. I quietly think about what he means, then I answer.

“What do you mean by “painting”?”

“You know what it is.”

His voice is assertive and solemn, the voice of someone pushing another off a cliff.

“You guys stole a painting from a house you visited on business a long time ago. We are looking for it.”

“I have not a single idea what you are talking about.” I say. “Are you sure you are not mistaking me for someone else?”

Before I can finish my sentence, another blow comes down. This time on my shoulder. I can feel my veins breaking. Every part of my body from my neck down to my fingertips become numb.

“I’m not. We don’t make mistakes like that.” The guy’s voice is preserving, as if he is suppressing the emotions with his will power. “You were a member of that organization. Those cold-blooded guys who take money and kill in return. I don’t know what kind of thing you did in there, but I guess you were probably just a treasurer or a liaison. Because you are only a postman with no presence now. However, that organization itself was a big shot. You can even call it a legend. Before it suddenly disbanded and vanished seven years ago, it was a synonym of “fear” in “that” side of the world. We searched for the organization and somehow ended up finding only you. The other members have completely disappeared, as if they never existed in the first place.”

“I don’t want to talk about that organization.” I say.

“You will, young man. You will soon, whether you want to or not.”

I can hear the plonk of the club behind my back as he plays with it in his hands. “That painting is worth 500 million yen. One billion if you are lucky. If you need it, we can even give you a share. You won’t be able to handle it anyway.”

“You are making a mistake.” I say quietly. “It’s true that I know about said organization. I was a member of it for a while. But I don’t know about that painting. Not a little bit.”

“If you don’t know anything about it, is it possible that other members have hidden the painting?”

“Very likely so.”

The man sighs. His voice after that sounds five years older. “It’s always like this. We walk around like hungry stray dogs, following the scent of food and sticking our noses to the ground. And when we think we have finally got there, the food has long been trucked off to another place. We again, twitch our noses and chase after the smell of the truck through the dry wilderness. Again and again.”

“I am sorry for that.” I say.

In fact, it is half true when I say that. After all, they have kidnapped Dazai, just because he happens to be with me. Dazai is not a person you should treat like an add-on for your mail-order stuff. Not in any sense. He is a Port Mafioso, and as I imagine, a very important one at that. It is too late to do anything, now that they have already kidnapped him. Even if they wash him clean, mend his clothes, and return him sparkling new respectfully with their heads low, Port Mafia will not forgive that. They will use an electric excavator to level flat the back of the heads of those who are kneeling on the ground begging for forgiveness.

Therefore, the doom for these kidnappers is already decided. The question now is whether Dazai and I will be doomed too.

I cannot talk about Port Mafia. That is no good. If they know that Dazai is a Port Mafioso, these guys will literally shrivel up. They will curse their own stupidity and try to cover it up with yet another stupidity. In other words, they will bury the two of us under deep concrete, and use the little time they have before being found out to escape to the other side of the world. There is no other way.

That is why I have to keep Dazai as my “mysterious friend”.

“Now that you have all the information you need to tell the story.” The man speaks in a chilly voice, “All you have to do is to chirp beautifully. If you need a little help there, I don’t mind giving it my best to assist.”

He sounds somewhat happy. I can hear him slamming the club into his own hand. At this rate, I will be the one who has his bones crushed. (TN: There is a play of words here. The cop is using the expression 粉骨砕身, to say that he will try his best, but the kanji translated directly to “crushed bones and smashed flesh”, so Oda is using the same wording to talk about his own situation right now.)

“What if I don’t talk?” I ask.

“You will regret it. Like a criminal who just receives a warrant, wishing that he would have sung honestly when he was asked to come voluntarily earlier.”

He is about to say something else, but his radio rings before he can.

“What’s up?” he picks up the radio. I cannot hear what they are saying, but I can sense the urgency in his tone. “Got it. I’ll be right there. Handcuff them.”

He hangs up, his footsteps getting farther away. After walking a few steps, the man says from a distance. “I will give you some time to think about it. No one is coming to help you. This is an evacuation bunker built during the old war. It’s time to make a choice. You can become rich, or become a corpse for the rats to feast on. I hope you make the right decision for everyone to be happy.”

***

Dazai returns to the cell when I have just finished checking the shape of the fingernails on my two cuffed hands for the fiftieth time.

“Hey, it’s been a while.” Dazai says with an indistinct smile that is not at the very least different from before he was kidnapped.

I look at Dazai and ask, “You were not tortured?”

“Torture? Ah! So that was torture?” Dazai says, somewhat cheerful. “I was tied up and surrounded by two guys. But they left before doing anything. They were dragged away by their friends. I just told them something useful, and they started crying and hitting each other, saying they didn’t want to die.”

“I see. What did you tell them?”

“I can tell you… But do you really want to know?” Dazai smiles like a sea monster from the underworld.

I give it a little thought and say, “I will pass.”

It is a temporary cell used to keep the prisoners in the war. Originally, it must have been a simple nap room inside the bunker to protect yourself from air strikes and such. The room is about the size of a hotel room, with only a rusty bed frame fixed to the end. The entrance door has been replaced by an iron door with fresh welding marks, and there is a thick chain used for boat anchoring and a huge lock hanging from the doorknob. A number of black power lines are wrapped around the hooks lining up on the wall, leading to the murky cage lamp at the back of the room. That is the only light source. There is no air conditioning, so the air in the room is unclean.

“What do you think they are?” I ask.

“A criminal organization.” Dazai speaks nonchalantly, jingling his own handcuffs.

“But they are different from big settings like Port Mafia. Just a small group that will vanish with just a blow. However, its origin is a little interesting. Have you ever heard about an organization called “48”?”

I shake my head after giving it some thoughts, “No.”

“This is actually my first time meeting them too. They are harder to spot than any other criminal organization. It is almost impossible. Even if a great purge is to happen and this Yokohama turns into a clean paradise, they will still survive and continue to commit crimes. It is because they are an organization made up entirely of former cops.”

I narrow my eyes.

“Officers from local stations, special forces members who were dishonorably discharged. Corrupted cops released from prison after their arrests. Police of external affairs who are on the list of distrusted agents. This is a small but robust labyrinth organization built by police personnel who, for various reasons, have fallen from the tower of public servants through utilizing the skills, connections, and knowledge from their former jobs. There are a lot of theories about the name “48” but the most popular one is that it’s because the police have to refer a case to the public prosecutor within forty eight hours of arrest.

“That means the cops who came to our house were fake, but they used to be real cops too?” I say while recalling my memory. “But how do you know?”

“You couldn’t tell? Their gestures somehow revealed their past history, and every word they say is mixed with the terms used when they were still in the police.”

I track my memory.

Now that he mentions it, the guy who tortured me said this before he left, “You will regret it. Like a criminal who just receives a warrant, wishing that he would have sung honestly when he was asked to come voluntarily earlier.” He used a police shorthand to refer to “voluntary accompaniment”, and “sing” is a term used by the police for “confess”. I guess they just use the words that they are familiar with when talking to their friends.

“What they are good at is blackmailing people using the connections from their former jobs, diverting seized goods to sell on black market, and leaking inside information about the police. They are the fallen ex-heroes. Although the scale of their activities is small, many of them have received real trainings, thus are formidable. There are many criminal organizations in Yokohama, but this “48” is hated by both the police and other organizations.”

“You sure know a lot.”

“Not really. Unfortunately, I don’t know what they are up to.” Dazai says as he leans against the wall. “They said they were looking for a painting. Do you have any idea?”

I look at Dazai, then I say. “No.”

Dazai looks at me. Those eyes are like the bottomless see at night. Dark, cruel, quiet, endlessly sucking people in and never letting go.

Those eyes are looking at every corner of my expression. I feel like my each and every single cell is being observed.

I wonder how long we stay silent like that. Suddenly, Dazai opens his mouth and speaks in a serious tone.

“You do have a hint, don’t you?”

I let my gaze wander through the air, then look at a scenery of the past that is not here. I want a cigarette so bad. “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it doesn’t matter.” I say, sitting down next to Dazai. “No matter what those guys say, that painting is no longer in anyone’s hand. It is in a place that it will never be moved from. That painting is not going anywhere, at least not during my lifetime.”

“Why?”

“Because I decided so.”

Dazai tries to say something, but he stops. Then he lets his gaze wander somewhere else, as if he is looking for an answer.

“Got it”, Dazai says, looking forward. “Then let’s end this conversation here and talk about what we are going to do next.”

I find it strange that Dazai retreated so meekly. If he can make me spill out the whereabout of the painting, Dazai can get out of here without a scratch. But Dazai’s eyes are quiet, inside them is a gentle indifference of someone who has already made up his mind. I cannot tell the reason though.

“So, what are we doing next?”

“Jailbreak.” I assert. “I have no reason to stay in this kind of place anymore.”

“That is a good idea.” Dazai says, holding up his two hands. “But how?”

We are both handcuffed. These handcuffs are not toys or replicas, they are the real things used by the cops. On top of it, there is a lock on the entrance too. I saw the guy who brought Dazai here just now locking the door. There is no mistaking it.

“I have something that can get us out of here.” I say. “But there is also one thing that I can’t do anything about. Reason.”

“Reason?”

”You don’t want to escape, do you?”

Dazai looks at me with a puzzled look on his face. Then he says, “Are you going to help me?”

“I thought I would, but you have no reasons to do so. No reasons to accompany me and get out of here.”

Dazai looks around. “You are right. I can still kill myself if I stay here. So never mind me. Just escape by yourse…”

“I will take you with me even if I have to put a rope on your neck.”

Dazai looks at me, surprised.

“You… Are you actually a pushy guy?”

“When it comes to things that I have decided to do.” I say, focusing my attention on the signs outside. There seems to be no one on the other side of the door.

“What makes you do this?”

“I don’t like these guys.”

I say decisively. Dazai makes a surprised face again. “48? Why? Because they used to be cops? Or because they are aiming for the painting?

“Things like that.” I answer briefly, ending the conversation. “Dazai, if I ask, will you come with me?”

“Well, I wonder. I’m not that kind of nice guy who listen to others’ requests that easily. Everyone has a hard time getting me to do anything. What can you offer?”

I have to admit, those words are out of my expectation.

“You think that I can give you what you want?”

“I don’t know.” Dazai smiles as if he has given up. “I really don’t know. I have never met anyone like you before. That’s why I’m asking you.”

I start thinking.

I have a hint of what Dazai is looking for. But I don’t have it on hand to give it to him.

However…

_The only thing I want now, is death._

_Why do we have to die?_

“Dazai”, I say. “As soon as we get out of here, let’s go to “that place”. Right away. It’s not that far away.”

Dazai’s eyes are wide open. “You say “that place”? That you-are-a-fool-if-you-don’t-go-before-you-die place?”

“Yes.”

Dazai blinks and looks at me. I look straight back into his eyes.

I am not sure why but it reminds me of something from a long time ago. From when I was a boy.

“Dazai… You are right. There is no good or bad in wanting to die. Because there seems to be many important things in this world, but in reality, there is nothing that important. Life and death don’t even matter at all. The place we are going to is probably not going to live up to your expectations. Maybe you will find only rocks, scraps of paper, and things of such value there.”

Dazai stares blankly at me, as if he cannot believe what is happening in front of his eyes.

I look at the palm of my hand. I touch it with my finger, feeling the sensation. I touch a few more places, as a mean to buy time, until I finally say the last words.

“But what if it is different?”

Silence.

I have never tried to get this close to anyone’s heart before. I don’t feel like I did it well. But strangely enough, I do not regret it that much. Even if I don’t say it here and now, I will probably say it to Dazai somewhere sometime in the future. I feel that.

Dazai does not say anything. He just sighs, and looks into a distance with his arms crossed behind his head, as if he is considering. The chain clanks. “I too, have been caught by a person who says pretty foolish things.” Then he turns to the side to hide his expression and glances at me sideways. “Secret place, right…? If you have asked that much, it’s not like I can’t go with you.”

I lift my eyebrows, “You are not being honest.”

“It’s not that! It’s not that I’m not honest or anything! It’s not like I… expect that much!”

I scratch my head. “Then let’s do it this way. If you die here, I will build a tomb for you. And your tombstone will read, “Here lies Dazai, the man who never beats Oda Sakunosuke at poker.”

Dazai looks at me dumbfounded. Then he opens his mouth wide and says. “Th.. that’s not good! Alright! It cannot be helped then. Let’s break out of this prison.”

Dazai stands up, holds up his hand and snaps his fingers.

The handcuffs, which are supposed to be tightly fastened, fall off smoothly like a magic trick.

“You took them off from the beginning, didn’t you?”

“A little bit, with the metal wire I found over there.”

“Will that work on the door lock too?”

“Of course.” Dazai says as if it is nothing. Then he suddenly realizes something and turns to me. “No way… when you said you had something that can get us out of here, you were talking about me with this?”

I shrug, “After nursing you for a few days, the chains that bound your legs to the bed was stealthily unlocked. It seems like they have been stacked up to deceive me though.”

“What? I have been found out? How boring.” Dazai pouts.

Dazai takes my handcuffs, sticks the tiny wire inside the keyhole and starts turning it. Immediately, there is a dry metallic sound as the internal mechanism disengages. The handcuffs drop to my feet.

“How long has it been, I wonder? To have somewhere I want to go.” Dazai smiles as he rubs his wrists. “I have a feeling that even if there is nothing at that place, it will be fine as it is. Come on, let’s get out of here quickly and get some good fresh air.”

….

[totowlff]

comments

➝ you posted a certain tiktok with toto and the comments got out of hand. now, he wants to understand why he's being called 'daddy'.

➝ word count: 2k

➝ warnings: daddy kink (?), sexual tension.

➝  author’s note: i never thought i'd be posting an original work, let alone on tumblr and in english (definitely not my mother tongue, so forgive grammatical errors). i take this opportunity to thank the group 'wolff maximum security horny prison' for inspiring me to make this fic. i hope you, the reader, enjoy it as much as i do.

You practically saw the sun rise on the Circuit de Barcelona-Catalunya. Not that you minded, after all, working in Formula 1 meant having completely unusual schedules. And when you accepted that job, you knew your routine would be that way, especially working with social media.

The day you were hired was, without a doubt, one of the most exciting of your life. Your resume was up to the challenge of taking care of communication for the Mercedes-AMG Petronas Formula 1 Team, even if you didn't believe you were going to be hired. After all, the interview had been a disaster from your point of view. But, three years later, there you were, working on another season with the team you loved so much. “Maybe that's what got their attention after all,” you thought, taking a last sip of your cup of coffee.

Sitting at one of the tables outside the Mercedes motorhome, you were scrolling through the Twitter timeline, reading the supportive comments from fans, going through the 45-day thread of a girl asking for the half zipper sweater, as well as multiple memes of the infamous picture Valtteri took in Colorado.

— How many times am I going to have to look at that ass? — you muttered to yourself, liking some photos of the fans who were following free practice the day before. Until a notification appeared at the top of your screen. A message from Elena.

Toto Wolff's personal assistant.

You couldn't hold back a sigh at the thought of him. The job could have several benefits like health insurance, on-site gym and even a brand new Mercedes for your commute. However, after three years, you were sure what the biggest benefit of being a Mercedes employee was.

It was being able to see Toto almost every day.

He was imposing, and you didn't just mean his height. He exuded an aura of authority that you couldn't explain, but that made your heart race and your hands go cold every time he walked into the room. You didn't like to admit it, but he had an intoxicating power over you. And something told you that he knew all too well.

Maybe it was the way he was always willing to execute your content ideas, no matter how silly they sounded, like mimicking a fighting game opening. Or was the way he smiled every time you told him about the results of your latest social media campaign?

Perhaps it was the way he lightly tapped you on the shoulder as he passed you through the huddle of mechanics, engineers and drivers inside the garage. That touch never failed to make your cheeks turn red, even after three years working together. And the blush only increased when you noticed that Toto had a mischievous smile on his face.

Opening the notification, Elena's words brought a smile to your lips.

“We arrived in five minutes. He is in a good mood today”, the message read.

Good mood meant content.

Content meant engagement.

“Today is going to be a good day”, you thought, typing a quick answer to the assistant and getting up from your table in the motorhome. Tossing the coffee cup in the trash and waving at Anna, the caterer, you walked out through the paddock.

The sun was shining brightly and the place was busy, with people arriving all the time in motorhomes. The conversations and the clicks of the cameras were the soundtrack of your walk to the main gate, where everyone had to pass to enter in the backstage of the most exclusive category in motorsport.

Standing by the gate with your phone in hand, you had no trouble spotting Elena approaching the turnstiles that gave access to the paddock. That's because, next to her, stood a tall man you knew well. Toto was chuckling at something the assistant had said as she swiped his pass to let him in. In his usual Mercedes white shirt and glasses, he deftly held his iPad and phone in one hand. He seemed more relaxed, not to mention calm, unlike the last few weeks, when chaos reigned in the garage.

Elena didn't take long to realize you were waiting for them. Pointing towards you, she said something to Toto, who smiled and waved in your direction. That simple action caused a familiar sensation to settle in your chest. A heat that insisted on appearing every time the Austrian appeared in your field of vision.

Trying to ignore the sensation, you waved back and, holding up the phone, pointed at the device, in an attempt to warn that you were going to record his arrival. Opening your phone's camera, you positioned yourself and hit the play button. Toto crossed the paddock entrance and strode over to you. You only had time to reach out for a quick brush of his fist against yours.

— Good morning, boss — you said, smiling.

— Good morning, Y/N — he said, walking past you and heading for the motorhome.

You clicked the pause button and smiled at your phone screen.

Definitely that video would be a great way to say good morning to the Mercedes’ followers.

Hours later, you were sitting in one of the motorhome's meeting rooms, watching the video you had taken earlier in an air of contemplation. The combination of the music, the slow motion and the simple fact that the main character of the recording was Toto had made the video blow up. Your phone kept vibrating, notifications piling up at the top of the screen, plenty of comments and, obviously, you had taken a look at what people had to say about the video. And as much as you'd told them to behave in a tweet that became a meme, the comments were kind of over the top. The fans of Toto had definitely lost control.

Not that you didn't agree with every word they were saying about him. The Austrian was indeed a handsome man. But after three years of working together, you could fearlessly add to the list the adjectives smart, determined, and funny. 

Everything that made your heart race…

— Apparently you liked the video, Y/N — a voice with a thick Austrian accent sounded from behind you, as a pair of large hands landed on your shoulders. Looking up, you found Toto standing behind you, the corners of his mouth curled in a smile.

— The video we shot earlier today is doing well — you said, smiling.

— Oh yes? — he asked, moving from behind his chair to take a seat next to you, not taking his eyes off you.

— Yes, we already have three million views and more than a thousand comments on TikTok alone. Not to mention the three thousand likes on Twitter and…

— What do the comments say? — Toto questioned, removing his glasses and setting them on the table in front of him.

You can't help but swallow. 

— It’s compliments, nothing more.

— Read to me — Toto said, in an imposing voice.

It hadn't been a request.

That had been an order.

And the last thing you wanted was to disobey an order from Toto Wolff.

Lifting your phone screen and clicking on the comments section, you scrolled for something that was appropriate to say to your boss. Which was next to nothing.

— Well, one user says “You just powered up, admin”.

Toto smiled.

—  What else?

You kept scrolling through the hundreds of comments praising him, until you found another one that was decent enough.

— A girl said “I can already tell today is gonna be a good day for the Mercedes family”.

— And she was right — he replied, crossing his arms. Qualifying had gone very well, to the relief of the entire team. Finally the car had stopped bouncing and everything pointed to an excellent race the next day — Anything else?

— Well, that’s it.

— You only read two comments. And the other hundreds?

— Uh…

— Is there something I can't know? — Toto asked, raising an eyebrow.

— It's not that, it's just…

— Are they bad comments?

— Well…

— I don't care about them, you can read.

— Isn’t bad comments.

— So, what's their problem?

“Shit”, you thought.

— Well, one user says “That man knows he's hot”.

The Austrian leaned back in his chair, the shadow of a smile in his lips. With his arms still crossed, his veins stood out under his skin, causing you to immediately look away, towards your phone screen.

—  What else?

— Someone else says “Pfff, he's so handsome”.

Toto couldn't contain a laugh. Seeing him like that made you smile. That situation had everything to be completely embarrassing, even more so in the stressful moment that the team was going through. Seeing him smile at those weird comments made you feel relieved. Even more comfortable.

— Is that what you didn't want to talk about?

— Well, that and the hundreds of other comments calling you a — you broke off, realizing how inappropriate it was to say that before it was too late.

— Calling me what?

— Nothing, Toto — you said, looking at your phone screen, in a feeble attempt to hide your discomfort. Unsuccessfully.

— Y/N — he said softly, the thick accent making your name sound more beautiful than ever.

— A daddy — you said in a low voice, looking up at him and finding the Austrian with a confused expression on his face.

— Daddy?

— Yeah, daddy — you repeated, feeling the heat rise in your face.

He tilted his head, staring at you.

— What does that mean?

Your mind freezed. There was simply a blue screen in place of any coherent words or phrases that made any sense. "What the hell am I going to do? What do I say?", you asked yourself, feeling completely lost in that cubicle that Toto called meeting room.

— You do not know?

— No. Do you know?

— Yeah — you answered after some seconds of hesitation. You knew better than to lie to him. In front of Toto, you were like an open book — I know.

— And?

— What?

— What does daddy means?

— Well… Uh… Daddy is — you started to stutter, trying to find a way to say that without sounding weird. Not that the whole situation wasn't weird enough. He kept watching you, eyes fixed on your face — Daddy is a word girls use for older guys on the internet.

Toto blinked once, twice.

—  Just that?

—  Well, no. Girls use that word when talking about older guys who interest them… In a sexual way.

You expected him to be shocked.

Horrified, actually.

However, a malicious, almost devilish smile appeared on Toto's face.

— Do you agree with what people have said about me?

— About what? — you replied, almost innocently.

— About me being handsome.

You could feel your pulse roaring in your ears.

— Yes — you replied, after hesitating for a few seconds.

— So, would you call me a daddy? — Toto questioned you in a low and excruciatingly sensual tone.

You swallowed hard.

— Well — you started to say, as Toto continued to stare at your flustered face. You were thinking of all the ways you could say yes to him. However, most of them involved some form of physical contact that would be completely inappropriate between a boss and his employee. While you were lost in your thoughts, looking for some way to answer, Toto rose from his chair and approached you slowly. Placing a hand on each arm of the chair, you were trapped between the back of your seat and his body. Your face was inches from his. Then, Toto brought his face closer to your ear.

— Can you answer me, Y/N? — he whispered

— Yes —  you said, shyly.

— Would you call me a daddy? — Toto repeated the question, each word sounding sexier than the last in that accent you loved so much.

Feeling a shiver run through your body with his hot breath against your skin, you found yourself with no way out. There was only one answer in your lips, ready to be said.

— Yes… Daddy.

— Good to know — the Austrian said, before standing up and walking towards the door. However, before leaving you alone with your thoughts and a pounding heart, Toto looked over his shoulder, a devilish smirk in his lips — Babygirl.

[o-wyrmlight]

Forgive me, this is mostly just venting out my frustrations. It's not a callout post or anything, just annoying.

By the way. A stunning argument. A smashing revelation. I may have to reconsider. /s

In all seriousness, this is the sort of person I was trying to reason with on Twitter. This person literally took a video I made and reposted from a couple of months ago and decided to use it to accuse me of supporting Abusive Espresso x Madeline.

'What is said video?', you may ask? Well. It's this one.

You may be wondering, 'Bill, where did this come from?' You may also be wondering 'Wait, but where is Espresso in the video?'

Well. To answer your questions.

The accusation seems to be intended to paint me as someone who supports rampant abuse ships. I'm guessing the kind of abuse ships where the audience seems to 'get off on the abuse' or 'romanticizes it', a la the fandom of Killing and Stalking. The implication is that they believe Cyril supports this when he said nothing of the sort.

Ironically, this particular reply chain started with me stating, in order:

A) You're allowed to not like a female character. That doesn't make you misogynistic.

B) Drawing characters with features that their biology commonly gives them isn't racist if it isn't used for the purpose of dehumanizing or shaming them.

C) Where the hell did you get 'Espresso' out of this? (The first image)

For context, the video itself takes place in my Crumbled Castles AU, which is an AU very much divergent from the canon timeline. Specifically, it revolves around a sideplot of the larger story, wherein Madeline is a byproduct of how he was raised and has to learn to disassociate himself from who he was in order to develop real connections with others. Said 'byproduct' is specifically about his constant need to compulsively lie and manipulate in an attempt to keep himself safe while he accomplishes his mission: Hence 'Manipulative Madeline'.

Not once is Espresso even mentioned, seen, or implied--and yet this person somehow saw 'Manipulative Madeline' and decided to associate it with 'Abusive Espresso x Madeline' rather than look into what the post was actually about.

And then when I told them that their assumption was wrong, what did they do?

They just blew it off.

These are the kinds of people that are on Twitter. These are the kinds of people that see the tiniest grain of information and try to twist it against you. These are the kinds of people that lack the ability to see nuance and context and deliberately go out of their way to prevent context from being provided. (Forgive this one. I forgot to censor some names and had to re-take the screenshot from the Tumblr post editor.)

Wherein these are the two posts that they showed:

And this was their response when I pointed out that they didn't show the whole thread and deliberately cut it off?

'That is the whole thing.' 'We have already provided the whole thing.' 'Oh also writing abuse is wrong and harmful and he's sick for doing so.'

Oh, but, but, but--what is this that I see? In that post accusing me of shipping 'Abusive Espresso x Madeline'?

Excuse me??? So what is the problem, chief??? Do you not see the contradiction???

God, there is so much more than this that went on within the last... god, what, four, five hours? So forgive me if I'm a little bit miffed about this whole situation.

This isn't a callout post. This isn't a request for people to figure out who this person is. That is why I blocked out the names of everyone except myself.

Because unlike this nameless person, I don't have any intention of sending targeted harassment toward anyone. And I don't plan on dredging up pictures of them to post.

You know. Like they did with Cyril. When he was a minor. And what was their response when Cyril tried to call them out on it?

'You posted that yourself on a public account'.

Not 'I'll take it down'. Not 'Sorry, I didn't realize you weren't comfortable with your face being used while insulting you'. Just 'You posted that image yourself on a public account'.

This is in response to them being made aware that this picture was of Cyril when he was a minor.

By the way, this person wasn't responding to people at this time. They were silent for well over an hour before somebody was kind enough to send me a link to the tweet so I could tell them to take it down. But they were still online. And I know this because they took it down within five minutes of me tagging them in that post.

All of this to say: Before you believe any claims people make on Twitter--or on any social media website--please be aware that this kind of shit can happen. Information can be withheld. Information can be misconstrued. Context can be lost, contradictions can be ignored. Before you fall into the pit of believing discourse the moment you see it, ask yourself:

'Is this missing some sort of context? Does this persons' argument even make sense?'

Because they will try to make you believe that it makes sense. Oh, goodness, they will try. It's like talking to a brick wall. And they will have people blindly following in their wake to support their claims, but ultimately, it's up to you to sniff out bullshit when it happens.

If Cyril were accused of these things and indisputable evidence were given that would prove--without a shadow of a doubt--that he is any of these horrible things that this person and many others claim that he is, then I would not be so angry.

I have taken a look at the context that people have provided me. I have asked questions, I have seen screenshots and used my brain to think about the deeper meaning and find what was missing. If I genuinely felt that Cyril was guilty of these accusations, then I would have no problem backing down and letting whatever may happen happen.

But with all of the screenshots and evidence and context that I have been given, I don't believe it. If I were shown evidence that would prove to me that Cyril is guilty of anything he is accused of--or even that some of the stuff he is accused of is even wrong, in the case of shipping abusive ships because he enjoys the character dynamic and psychology--then I would admit I was wrong.

But with arguments like this? How can you expect to do anything but bully someone into believing you because it's easier?

I didn't believe people when I read that Twitter is a hellsite. I now know that I was wrong. This is the second time that something like this has happened within two or three months, and I am so tired and so frustrated by it all. It isn't fair to see creators suffer for things that they haven't done, and as fellow creators--as the audience for those creators--we have to be mindful of the libel we read.

That's sort of it, I guess. My inbox is open if you want me to elaborate on my opinions more. Thank you for reading, and sorry you had to suffer through this. I hope you have a better day than I've been having.

[ramen-rambles]

Quid Pro Quo

Pairing: Kirishima Eijirou x Reader

Warnings: 18+, mutual masturbation, suggestive texts 

Word Count: 2.7K

Summary: From being a total stranger you met on a dead Discord server, to literally becoming one of your best friends — Kirishima was one of the most amazing things to ever happen in your life. But what happens when you accidentally screenshot his nudes?!

A/N: My first BNHarem server collab! I was really close to naming this fic Penis Pals, if I’m being honest LOL It’s a lot shorter than I wanted but I hope I did my baby justice. Thank you to my fellow Bakugou Fanclub members for hyping me up and helping me edit this piece. I literally couldn’t have done it without you guys, ILYSM! Read all the other amazing fics in this collab, here.

Taglist: @lady-bakuhoe @bratwritings @redbeanteax

♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。.

Ever since you were in high school, you had always looked up to Crimson Riot — a pro hero who’s strong, manly, and fearless. I mean, who wouldn’t like him? Now that you were in college, there have been many other heroes worthy of being called the best, but Crimson Riot was still going to be Number 1 in your eyes. So, to pay homage to your all time favorite hero, you decided to join a Crimson Riot Discord server. 

You had started looking for any server invites through all platforms of social media. Google, Twitter, Tumblr, but nothing came up. You had started to lose hope, until you stumbled upon a very old server link on an equally old Reddit thread. You looked at the date it was posted and it seemed to have been made all the way back when you were in high school. You clicked on the link hesitantly, definitely not expecting it to work. However, much to your surprise, the link brought you straight to the server! 

“Finally! Something that actually fucking worked!” You thought to yourself, after hours of scrolling though numerous pages of the internet. 

You were a bit hesitant at first, not really knowing what to expect. Were people going to think you were weird for being such a nerd? What if people thought you were annoying? Or worse, what if no one liked you? 

But that didn’t seem to be much of a problem… Considering that the server was rather dead. 

You clicked through the channels — #general, #merch, #photos, #announcements; the last time anyone really said anything was nearly six months ago. “God dammit.” You should have known. All you wanted was a place to fangirl over Crimson Riot, was that too much to ask for?! You got all your hopes up, just for it to all come crashing down. Feeling a bit dejected, it seemed like you had no choice but to leave the server. Not like there was much of a point in staying anyways. 

But then you saw a notification pop up on your screen.

RED RIOT [Today at 7:56 PM] 

@Y/N Hey! How are you doing? I’m the admin for this Crimson Riot Discord. The name’s Kirishima. It’s nice to see a fresh face here :^) 

Y/N [Today at 7:56 PM] 

Oh hi! I’m doing good! I found your discord link on a really old Reddit thread so forgive me for asking but… Is this server still active? I was scrolling through the channels and everything seemed kind of dead tbh LOL

RED RIOT [Today at 7:57 PM]

Well, if I’m being honest, it’s fucking dead LMAO 

Y/N [Today at 7:57 PM]

F

RED RIOT [Today at 7:58 PM]

It used to be pretty active before but people just kind of... stopped. I made this server back when I was in high school because I just LOVED Crimson Riot so much, ya know? He was the one person I really looked up to. Anyways, how did you even find this link? You must have looked real hard LOL

Y/N [Today at 7:58 PM]

HAHA I did, actually! Took me for-fucking-ever to find a server link that actually worked :( I’ve looked up to him since I was a kid too and so I really just wanted a place to express my gratitude for the role he played in my life. Sorry LOL I’m getting cheesy 

RED RIOT [Today at 7:59 PM]

Well Y/N, I’m glad you found this server! You sound like a really great person and I’d love nothing more than to talk to you about our shared love for Crimson Riot, but this server is whack as fuck. Are you down to move to DMs instead?

Y/N [Today at 8:01 PM]

Fuck it. Why not? 

You and Kirishima had been talking for a while now. Ever since you came across his Crimson Riot server, you two would talk almost every single day. You learned that he actually lived near you too. Call it fate. Exchanging phone numbers, following each other on social media, starting Snapchat streaks, meeting up with each other — the chemistry between you two made it seem like you’ve known each other your entire lives. The both of you had practically become best friends. 

To you, maybe it felt a little bit more than just friends. 

Currently, you were mindlessly scrolling through your Twitter feed when you saw that you had received a Snapchat notification, from, you guessed it. Kirishima. You were expecting it to just be a bland streak of his room or something but you saw something that made your fucking jaw drop.

A picture of Kirishima in a tight fitting tank top and a very noticeable bulge that was covered by a pair of dark grey sweatpants. 

You felt your cheeks heat up, a red blush painting across your entire face. In a state of panic, you fumbled the phone in your hands and in the process you had heard a very audible click. You fucking screenshotted his snap.

Fuck. 

You quickly went into your messages and texted him to try and explain yourself. 

[Y/N]

WAIT SHIT. KIRISHIMA. I DIDN’T MEAN TO SCREENSHOT THAT. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I SWEAR 

Replying almost immediately, you anxiously waited for what Kirishima had to say about your little mishap. You were seriously hoping that he was just going to let it go and you could both just act like nothing happened.

[Kirishima] 

Wow, I didn’t think you’d be the type to screenshot people’s snaps like that, Y/N :( 

[Y/N]

YOU DIPSHIT. I SAID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. AND WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME SHIT LIKE THAT HUH?!

[Kirishima]

You telling me you didn’t like what you saw? 

[Y/N]

Okay, fine, you looked good, SUE ME. Is that what you wanted to hear?

[Kirishima] 

It’s only fair you send me one back, don’t you think?

You stared at your phone. What the actual fuck. Was Kirishima asking you to send him a fucking nude? You knew it shouldn’t have, but the thought of Kirishima wanting to see your body turned you on. A small shiver running down your spine at the possibility that he liked you in return. 

[Y/N]

Excuse me, sir. I am NOT sending you a nude. 

[Kirishima]

I didn’t ask for a nude, all I said was that you return the favor. Quid pro quo, ya know? 

[Y/N]

Using big words like ‘quid pro quo’, smh. Since when did you become such a politician? 

[Kirishima]

But, if you want to send a nude, who am I to say no? ;)

[Y/N]

Fucking fine. If I show you one, will you shut up?

[Kirishima]

Depends.

[Y/N]

On what, exactly?

[Kirishima] 

On how good it is

Your eyes narrowed at his response. What does he even mean by that, ‘how good it is’? He should be grateful that you even considered sending him one! Based on your replies, it seemed like you were pissed, but in reality, your heart beat faster with every passing minute. You were never the type of girl to send nudes to anyone, but for Kirishima, you were willing to make a small exception. 

You got up from your bed and rummaged through your closet, looking for something that was a bit more provocative. You picked out a red lace bodysuit that hugged your curves and cupped your perky breasts. Sitting in front of your mirror, you touched up your makeup and fixed your hair, checking yourself out one last time before you started taking pictures. You opened up Snapchat and tried multiple poses, making sure the camera captured your sultriness and how good your tits looked. To mock his teasing from earlier you captioned the photo, “Quid pro quo, my ass.” before hitting the ‘send’ button. 

[Y/N] 

Was that good enough for you? 

You heard no response from him for a good five minutes. You started worrying. “Shit. Was that too much? Did I push it too far?” You chewed on the inside of your lip, anxiously waiting for any sort of reaction. 

And then, your screen lit up again. Another Snapchat notification from Kirishima. But this time, it was way more revealing. He had sent you a picture of him palming his erection, and all it said was, “You’re not even here, and look what you did to me :(“ 

Feeling cocky and with a sudden burst of confidence, you cheekily replied, “Why don’t you come here then?” 

In all honesty, Kirishima didn’t live that far from you. You two were only 15 minutes away from each other, meaning that he frequented your apartment whenever he felt like it. He came over a million times in the past, but this time was different. Very different, in fact. Anticipation was building at the pit of your stomach, but so was a familiar heat that began pooling in the middle of your underwear. 

You tried denying your feelings for Kirishima but you couldn’t help it! Everything about him was perfect. His personality, his humor, his voice, his face, his body… You could go on and on about all the things you loved about Kirishima. 

You would have been lying to yourself if you said that you’ve never thought about him with your hands in between your thighs. Thinking about his massive cock fucking your tight pussy, his fingers rubbing your clit in all the right places, or the way his tongue would feel sucking on your hardened nipples. 

You’d always wonder if he ever felt the same way but he didn’t really seem like he was. 

That was, until tonight. 

You stared at the clock on your wall and saw that 10 minutes had passed, a loud knock on your door making you wake up from the dream like trance you seemed to be trapped in. You quickly turned the doorknob, letting Kirishima inside of your apartment. 

Without saying a word, he pushed your back against the wall and began to roughly grab the side of your face. He captured your lips with his, meeting his kiss with the same aggressiveness, making your head spin at how good it felt to finally get a taste of him.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited for us to do this?” He panted, moving down to place sloppy kisses against the crook of your neck, leaving sharp bite marks and dark bruises littered all over your pretty skin.  

“Haaaa, that should be my line” you moaned, “You know how many times I’ve touched myself to the thought of you?” You whispered teasingly, biting the soft flesh of his earlobes. “How many times I wished it was your fingers inside of me instead?” You trailed your fingers down to his, intertwining them with one another before you dragged him into your bedroom. 

You pushed him down onto the mattress, gently getting on top of him and straddling his waist. Grabbing his hands, you placed them on top of your tits, giving them a rough squeeze before you began grinding your wet heat against his clothed cock. 

”Fuck, Y/N, are you sure?” He groaned, “As much as I want this, I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with —“ 

“Eiji, shut up. If I didn’t want this, would I be this wet for you?” You slipped your panties off to the side, two of your fingers dipping into your cunt, showing off the slick that stringed in between your digits. “Here, see for yourself.” You brought your coated fingers up to his mouth, making him suck it until not a drop was left. 

“Shit, you taste so fucking good,” He smirked, “Why don’t you show me how you touch yourself, princess?” 

You slowly made your way off of him, leaning back to position your body against the plush sheets. Slowly spreading your legs, you made sure he got a good view, your pussy practically dripping from how aroused you had become. You snaked your hands down back against your thighs, fingers finding its way onto your throbbing clit. Kirishima was sitting in front of you, all of his clothes still on.

That didn’t seem very fair, now did it? 

“Stroke your cock for me, Eijirou. Quid pro quo, right?” You said wickedly. You stood up quickly to remove the rest of your lingerie, Eijirou’s eyes glued to your body, watching your every move as you moved your hands back to their previous position. 

Kirishima let out a small laugh before he finally stripped himself of his clothing, pulling down his boxers to reveal his impressive length that was already oozing precum. “Is this what you wanted to see?” You nodded desperately. 

“You wanted to see me jerk off while I watch you touch that pretty pussy of yours?” Kirishima began moving his hand against his girth, gathering spit in his mouth before letting it drip onto the head. Lubricating his cock with a mix of precum and spit, he slowly started moving up and down his length. Matching your rhythm, as he watched intensely at the fingers that were still stuffed inside of your cunt. 

Soft moans started escaping your plush lips, the collective sound of small whines, and frantic gasps beginning to fill the room. “Fuck, Eiji. You look so hot stroking your cock like that. Do you imagine that it was my pussy, instead?” You say, panting intensely. 

“Fuuuuck. I’m gonna pound your tight little cunt so hard that you’re not going to be able to walk for days.” He sped up his pace, you quickly following suit. Your fingers pumping vigorously, you continued to rub tight circles over your sensitive clit. 

You were getting closer and closer to the orgasm you craved so much, and the look that Kirishima had on his face indicated that he was too. Your cunt clenched tightly around your digits while Kirishima’s fist held a vice grip on his cock. You had been waiting for this moment for so long, the intensity of your orgasm was surely going to rip through you like a plundering tidal wave.

 “A-ah, Eijirou! I’m so fucking close for you.” Your eyes squeezed shut as you felt yourself cum all over your fingers, your arousal gushing onto the bed sheets and covering the inside of your thighs. 

Kirishima quickened his strokes, the sight of your pleasure the catalyst for his own release as he continued to jack hammer his cock at an animalistic pace. “Please, baby, cum for me, I wanna see you cum all over yourself.” You whined, watching closely as you patiently waited for him to reach his end. Your filthy words were the last push he needed. 

“F-fuck Y/N! I love you so fucking much” he groaned loudly. A few more pumps, and ropes of his cum started painting his chest white, covering his sweaty body, as the remnants of both your orgasms stained the bed. 

You both looked at each other with half lidded eyes, still trying to come down from your intense highs. Breathing heavily, you looked at him greedily and whispered, “You know, I’ve always wondered how good it would feel to fuck myself on your cock.” 

“Well, I did say that I’d pound your cunt so hard you wouldn’t be able to walk for days...” Kirishima cooed as he ran his fingers along your exposed thigh,

“I’d be more than happy to show you, Princess.” 

♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。.

[illyaana]

Homebound to you - Sasha Blaus

I can't find the artist on Tumblr (again (＞人＜；)) but this is the twitter post!

Synopsis: You are childhood friends with Sasha. This part is on how you grew up with Sasha and how she told you how she's joining the Training Corps. (if I tell anymore, it isn't a synopsis welp-)

Tags: Sasha x Binaural Reader, Fluff, SFW

Word Count: 2226

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Fanfiction Masterlist

The lush meadows of Dauper Village - the place both you called home.

It wasn’t one that you’d see written in the papers about its beauty. It was a hidden gem known by those who were willing to venture out and seek it. The forest welcomed you - the sounds of the woodland creatures and the wind against the bushes reminded you of life when you believed the world was much more peaceful than it was. The scene of an ocean blue stream of water surrounded by small animals was vivid in your memories.

“You don’t want to join me? It isn’t that dirty, trust me,” a 6-year-old Sasha said, gripping tightly onto the ends of your shirt.

Sasha Braus - the girl you’ve known ever since you were a kid.

No one could imagine the daughter of a hunter being friends - close friends - with the child of a scholar, but you both proved them wrong.

Sasha was your first ever friend. She was the one who made the introverted you more social with others.

She was the first person you truly cared for - nothing could’ve changed that.

Sasha played along a stream of water right beside the willow tree you both found the first time you ventured into the forest. She’d jump feet first into the stream, diverting the flow of water into multiple small streams before converging in the front of her feet. She loved seeing the small fishes play with each other as if they were racing to meet a bigger water source.

She’d beg you to join her in the small game - but you never did.

You wanted to steal every single moment with her in your eyes - to let it sink into the deepest parts of your brain.

“I’d rather stay dry, Sasha. My mom would kill me if I go back home with my clothes all wet,” your younger self said, trying to reason with her.

Sasha’s face immediately paled the minute you finished that sentence. She looked to her now soaked trousers. A ring of dried mud formed on the top half of her trousers decorated with dried leaves and vines.

“Why didn’t you warn me earlier?” she said, anger stricken on her face, “Mama is going to kill me now. I didn’t expect it to be this dirty.”

You chuckle at the red-faced girl in front of you.

This girl was meant for greatness - no one could deny that.

The adventurous side of hers could never be tamed.

It was wild and relentless - and you loved it to bits.

“You’re wearing shorts underneath, right?”

She nodded.

You sighed.

“Take off the trousers. I’ll wash them as best as I can and you sling it on your shoulder so that it can dry. That’s the best I can offer,” you told her.

In an instant, she ran to the bushes, took off her trousers and tossed them to you.

“You’re only 6-years old - how can you think like an adult at such a young age?” she said, an inquisitive look painted on her face.

“I grew up surrounding playful 6-year-olds, that’s why,” you said, teasing her, “I basically became their mom - looking after them, making sure they behaved well in public - I did it all.”

As time passed, Sasha became more than just a friend you used to look after.

You both became each others’ rocks - the very thing that kept each other from falling.

Sasha learnt how to hunt - to survive in the harsher world of the forest.

You learnt knowledge - to create and to move the world with a pen and paper.

You never saw Sasha hunt but you’ve pictured it billions of times.

You pictured her hazel-colored hair dancing in the air as she rode her horse. Her golden-brown eyes would focus solely on her target - they would force her victim to shudder and slow down, to become hers. Her muscles would flex under her thin shirt as he pulled the arrow in her hands against the bow - the tip fixed exactly at the weak point of her target. Then, with one swift release, her victim would fall and a rush of happiness would surge within her.

You could only draw it and picture it in your head, but how you wished to see her in action.

She’d always bring a huge portion of the meat she gained for your family. She’d say she caught more than she expected, but you could hear the rumbles from her parents.

Eventually, your families decided to move into one house to reduce the problems faced by the Braus family.

Your family would provide the income - the money to buy resources. The Braus family would help in gaining food and rationing out how much from the resources to use.

Even though your parents hated the idea of moving in with hunters, you were ecstatic.

You imagined a life with Sasha, and you were going to get a glimpse of it.

Every night, she’d come into your room with a cup of tea and talk about her hunt. You, on the other hand, would talk about what you’ve learnt for the day. Even though she never understood what you spoke on, she’d try her best to listen and even ask questions when she didn’t understand.

You taught Sasha how to use a quill while she taught you the wonders of the wild.

Sasha entered your room in the middle of the night. She had her blanket wrapped around her as she held two mugs of tea.

She saw how you continued to study throughout the night. You’d use an oil lamp as a light source as you crammed for all the future tests and exams you were going to face.

She hated the sight of you slowly losing energy. The eyebags under your eyes intensified each day. You didn’t smile as much as you used to. You lost the energy you had when you were younger.

Yet Sasha managed to keep hers, just like you wanted.

“Tea break?” she suggested, pushing a mug into your hands, “I caught a deer today! Tomorrow, you’re eating venison - get ready!”

You shook your head in denial as you placed the mug on the table.

“I swear, Y/N,” she started, agitation clear in your voice, “I will burn all your books if you don’t stop and drink tea with me right now.”

You knew Sasha’s threatens were to be taken seriously. She seriously once burned an essay you needed to hand in the next day.

You immediately closed your book and placed the hot cup of Chamomile tea in your hands. The mug itself gave you warmth, making you sigh in content.

Sasha hopped on your bed, dropping the blanket to her sides. She closed her eyes as she brought the cup of hot tea to her nose, taking it in.

You swear that she almost looked like an angel at that moment.

Her soft locks now reached her shoulders - messy and tousled. The pale moonlight against her skin highlighted her features. The gold flecks in her eyes against the hazel shined - it even showed against the steam wafting from the cup. The scar on her left shoulder from one of her hunts showed through the almost see-through shirt, showing how strong she was as a warrior.

You smiled, leaning against your chair while taking in the beauty in front of you.

“Y/N?” Sasha called.

“Yeah?”

“When are you free?”

“I should be free by this Friday, my exams end then.”

“Oh...” she said, trailing off.

You walk to sit beside her and place your head on your shoulder. You felt her relax as he placed her head on top of yours.

“Is everything good?”

She begins rubbing her head against yours.

“I’m good. I’m just worried about the future, that’s all.”

“The world must be ending,” you joke, “You’re actually thinking ahead.”

Sasha flicked your forehead, “Stupid - of course, I need to!”

A silence formed between the two of you as you both stared at the sky from your windows. It was pitch black. Stars twinkled against the black canvas, dancing to a song only they knew. The clouds tried their best to hide the beauty of the night, but their efforts were in vain.

“I’m thinking of joining the Training Corps,” Sasha said, cutting the silence.

Your face paled.

“What?” you froze.

“I hate hiding in fear, Y/N. I hate the fact we stay hiding away from the thing that threatens our lives. We should be killing it rather than just killing animals for meat,” she said with a serious voice.

You put both of your finished mugs on the floor and grab Sasha’s hands, forcing her to face you.

“Sasha, you might die. You might never see your parents again, you might lose everything,” tears form in your eyes, “I can’t lose you, Sasha - not now, not ever.”

She smiles while wiping the formed tears in your eyes.

“Bold of you to assume I’ll die the minute I see Titans,” she says.

She pulls you out of the bed, dusting off her shirt.

“We’re going out for a while. Get ready for an adventure after so many years, Y/N L/N.”

You both snuck out of the house and got on her horse. With one nudge from her, you both rode off into the forest. Through the dark greens emerged fireflies that lit the view before you. You spotted the eventful stream, the sleeping woodland creatures and the plants that reminded you of your childhood.

You turned to face the back of Sasha, and you were in awe.

She looked exactly like how you pictured her to look.

Her dancing hair, her flowing skirt, her smile - everything - it was what you imagined.

You wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling yourself closer to you. You pressed your head against her back, earning a chuckle from the horse rider.

“You better come home to me, Sasha Braus. I will never forgive you if you don’t.”

“As if I won’t.”

She signaled the horse to stop at the willow tree you used to spend most of your childhood days at.

She gets off the horse and runs to the tree. Her fingers slowly graze the tree, reminiscing all the memories you both have made right here.

“You know,” she started, “I used to stare at you reading those books of yours under this tree. The wind would blow softly for you when you perched yourself under the tree, but the vines of leaves at its branches would move so much. It was as if they were dancing for you. Even if I brought a drink or a snack, you’d just give me your portion and continue to read those books, but when I wanted you to talk to me, you’d instantly put the book down and give all your attention to me.”

“Well,” you say, “I’d always look up once in a while and see you play with the animals in that little bush there,” you point at the bush covered by fireflies, “I’d see you try picking up squirrels and capture butterflies wondering what goes on in your head.”

You get off the horse and walk towards Sasha.

“I’ll miss this the most when I leave, I think. This small haven we made from trees will always be my first home.”

You hug Sasha from behind, gripping onto her loose shirt.

“It’s happening, isn’t it? I can’t talk you out of it, can I?” you say, sniffles stopping you from speaking clearly.

She shook her head and you sigh, feeling defeated.

“Y/N, pass those exams and get into the Royal Capital. I will enter the Military Police and I’ll meet you within Wall Sheena.”

“I’ll try to get everyone to move. Then, we all will be together again,” you say, building your resolve.

Sasha turns to face you. The minute she sees you, she begins to laugh hysterically.

“You look like a lost puppy,” she says as she touches your cheek, “I’ll miss you, Y/N.”

You press your foreheads against each other. You both instinctively close your eyes, enjoying the small moment you two were sharing.

You couldn’t imagine how your life was going to be without the bubbly presence only Sasha could give. To think there would be no more random rendezvous, no more jokes and no more stories from the girl in front of you made you feel the pain you didn’t want anyone to feel.

But you knew that Sasha had aspirations and dreams - you were in no place to stop her, even if her life was on the line.

The only thing you could do was to cherish this little moment with her before years without her begin.

Soon, a swarm of fireflies surrounded the two of you, giving you a clear view of the woman before you. The bright, flickering lights enhanced the raw beauty only Sasha exemplified. Her eyes stared into yours, begging you to say something.

It was only fair to do this now. If it didn’t happen now, you don’t know when you’ll have the chance again.

“I love you, Sasha Braus. Ever since I was kids I-”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

Your lips met under a firefly-lit forest under the willow tree in your safe haven.

Wanna request something or just wanna talk? Go ahead and send me an ask here! If you want to send a request, please check my guidelines to see what I am comfortable with. Thanks for reading <3

[tomatograter]

How do ya capture the "voice" of homestuck characters so well? Besides studying the comic, is there any other media you consume to really get in their head?

First off: Thanks, i’m happy you enjoy my stuff! Secondly… there ARE a few steps i take to the madness.

I basically come from a Dungeon master/Open-world roleplay management background, so when approaching HS cast voices and trying to understand a character to write a story for them i usually take into account 1.INSPIRATIONS, 2.INTERESTS & due to homestuck’s nature, 3.INTERPRETATIONS (As opposed to “player intent”- Hussie’s work is an amalgam of himself and the public input.)

Rereading their logs/sections always helps when you’re trying to figure out their language, pacing, and a bit of their temperament, but getting too lost on mimicking their messages as-is without looking into the character itself may risk leaving them ringing hollow or repetitive (specially for the section of the public that may be more familiar with this character than you are. This is something that may matter to you or not, if you WANT this work to appeal to a specific public or are just messing around.) Because it may just come down to mindless quirk indulgence. In my experience, readers are more forgiving & enthralled by creators who, while not following the specifics of a character’s quirk to a T maintain a sense of internal logic that is congruent with what is shown throughout their appearances. Some AU’s specifically remix, remove or substitute these aspects, and the reason why people usually don’t complain about it is that “it makes sense- given (x) and (x) context.” Like kidswap aus, etc. 

Another thing about Quirks is that they can very easily be broken. Having a grasp of how quirk rules affect a character based on their emotional state and how it changes over time is more valuable than internalizing a hard set of rules that never changes. (Ex: Sollux’ quirk evolves over time. So does Aradia’s, as she changes bodies. June’s quirk takes on Vriska-like qualities after they begin chatting, Vriska uses 8’s and exclamation points more liberally and/or nonsensically when she’s angry/distressed/desperate, Jake’s transatlantic slang and embellishment of speech is mostly at the backseat unless he’s pretending/anxious/overwhelmed, otherwise he’s pretty simple.) Knowing how to break a quirk is just as good as knowing how to write it - traditional prose in fics *may not use quirks at all*, but they’re so good at grasping the particular intonation a character uses when stringing words together at a given situation that you don’t mind that at all. It’s a smooth adaptation.

[GREAT RESOURCE: this google drive has a compilation of all logs between characters in Homestuck separated by participants but usually only lists them on one-on-one basis, so you may wanna look at groupchats in the original comic. I think the epilogues section may be still unfinished. I forget who originally posted it on twitter but i know they have a dedicated tumblr, i’ll edit this if someone can name their blog]

“INSPIRATIONS” are usually how i define character personalities by their distinct mix of archetypes. This is the “PROTAGONIST”, “GOTH GIRL”, “SILLY GIRL”, “COOL GUY”, “WEIRDO”, “GAMER GIRL”, “CODING WANNABE” and other such little buzzwords that HS will throw around in reference to each of its characters, and that usually, but not always, function as a setup to subvert the expectations based on that character come a certain point in the story. Where does the character you’re trying to write fall into, when you try to describe them in these terms? Does their story humour this definition, reject it, destroy it, or evolve it? Does this seem like a genuine fact about them, or a facade? Why do you think that is? (Asking questions is my preferred way of pulling apart and understanding a character, this may work differently for you.)

“INTERESTS” is where i look into for that chunky, fatty, well-grilled meat that goes in the middle of a character’s text. Homestuck characters are defined by what they like, what they aspire to be, and what they fail at becoming(& how that shapes their actions going forwards). Interacting with the media they like may not always be the way, but having a general idea of how it functions and what it means to them is usually very helpful. I was already familiar with a lot of things my favorite characters enjoy, and thus it was easier for me to get attached to them. I also had to watch a lot of shitty movies sometimes. You win some, you lose some.

EX: It’s easier to write Dave’s pov if you have a good grasp of the pop culture & economics he so often references. (What he likes) It’s easier to write Rose’s pov when you’ve searched a bit of armchair psychology wikipedia definitions and familiarized yourself with the genre and existential questions usually involved in Eldritch Horror, and how it evolved outside of Lovecraft. (What she aspires to be like) It’s easier to write Jake when you understand his persona is a collage of juvenile and outdated archetypes taken from action flicks & shitty mainstream comicbooks, that he ultimately fails to ever live up to and hinders his development as a kid at odds with self-imposed traditional masculinity, dreading to publicize the big “Gay” word. (What he fails at becoming)

It’s always useful to ask yourself “Why does this character like (x)” and what that particular thing may say about them. It doesn’t have to be a big groundbreaking revelation, just put yourself into their shoes and try to reverse engineer what you’re presented about them vs their environment, personal issues, and you might just find yourself understanding why they do what they do. 

“Karkat probably likes cheesy romantic comedies because they’re peak middleclass normalass media for someone who’s ostracized from troll society and is purposefully a shithead to keep people away”

“Terezi probably likes dragons because they’re FUCKING COOL but also whoops here’s all this historic lore about Redglare and their lusus and a tragic sense of JUST1C3”

“Aradia probably grapples with the concept of mortality and the ephemeral nature of life, so she’s really into the morbid observation of disasters & archeology & bones, i guess? Is this because she died really young? Oh. Maybe yeah.”

But if you find the above too hard to access on your own, that’s where 

INTERPRETATIONS come in to make this process smoother in the case you just wanna write an extended cast thing and frankly you could not give less of a shit about (x)’s lore, you just want to have a sense of what people like about them, and why people read about them, and how you can purposefully adapt that into your text so socmedia user halfucker69 isn’t crying on your mentions for 11 whole threaded comments about how you did their babyboybaby wrong. I can’t exactly point to you where you can FIND meta because this highly depends on the character, and sometimes you just have to make your own food, but you’ll be good if you try to look into creators who post about these characters, whose thoughts or fan media seem to be congruent with your idea of said character or solid enough that you can easily see how it’s been developed from point A to point B. Interact with more fanworks. Find out what works for you and what doesn’t. “Character study” is a whole genre of fanfic, if you don’t wanna go for shippy stuff - but a lot of “shippy stuff” has its own valuable edge to seeing how people internalize a character, and shouldn’t be as easily dismissable as it is. Again, you’ll have to rely on your own sense of internal logic here - you can’t take EVERY work as the universal truth, but trying stuff out will give you a better sense of who you think this character is.

Then you have to get around trying to write it, which is easier said than done. A lot of times writing about a character will lead you to understanding them better, and you may even find yourself disagreeing with things past-you said when you were first beginning to think about them, and that’s ok. You only get better at writing by asking better questions and then writing some more. Take your time with it. I hope this helps!

[moonlightchn]

~WHOLESOME WEDNESDAY~

Not to be a soft motherfucker but I've been wanting to do this again for a week now so I guessed I would try my best to fit as many of my thoughts here as I can without being annoying or tumblr fucking up plz bear with me heh but we know none of those are actually possible anyway so THERES THAT also this is fucking long wow ANYWAY

WARNING WORD VOMIT sjsjsjsj I dont even know what i wrote I'm sorry but I'm tagging yall anyway

Some of you I speak to on a daily basis, yknow? Like,, as admin. And its fucking insane because like- I don't know but like isn't it insane? sjajsjsj How fast some people come to grow in your heart and get under your skin and become so important for you. I think it's crazy. That in four months or so I've made more friends in here that in my whole life and I've learned so much about life and myself and I've gotten marked and some of you imprinted on my mind and heart forever. And like HELL I wasn't here when most big dramas happened but I was here for two very big ones and like??? idk it feels like all of us have been through shared crises and somehow grown closer sjajskwjs idk I'm weird and im sensitive today and I just feel like wow what would I be doing without all of you right now? probably studying. or scrolling Twitter in which I never spoke to anyone. or watching Instagram stories and getting sad over how all my ex class partners are still in contact and hang out and keep strong relationships while I just sit here. like, I know we all say this place sucks and we hate it and its toxic and don't get me wrong of course some people is fucking shitty and they take a toll on a lot of others but that like... it also happens in real life yknow?? but like in real life how many people do you think would actually idk sit with you through a panic attack or stay up with you till 8am or wake up in the middle of the night or rave with you or hype you up or have meme wars or send you daily jokes or just randomly tell you how much you mean to them or make posts asking where you are when you disappear or been gone for too long or make people that doesnt know you send you birthday wishes? like I'm not saying it doesnt happen but isnt it wonderful that it happens HERE with US where maybe out of 10 people only 2 know each other in real life? Isnt it wonderful that we're from all around the world? that you half of the time dont realize someone isnt from English speaking places because they're too good or even when they're not that good no one judges you because this is such an inclusive and wonderful place for people of all races and colors and sexualities and nationalities and body types and hair colors?

idk I'm just RAMBLING but like I wanted to let everyone know that even if we dont speak, even if we NEVER spoke, even if we're only on each others tag lists, or even if I was and you took me off or I took you off or if you deleted or if you have 817383 bots and you speak to me in all of them or only one or whatever PLEASE just know that I love you so much and I appreciate you and you're awesome and if you made some mistakes know that you CAN fix them you CAN learn and be better you CAN grow.

I believe that everyone is capable of learning and changing and everyone deserves a second chance as long as they genuinely show the intention of changing and bettering themselves. I believe that we're capable of forgiving and maintaining healthy relationships without hard feelings. I believe we all have goodness. I believe we all are small universes and we have stars in our eyes and supernovas in our brains and a million things to discover and I believe its funnier to be together than alone and I'm rambling again but like idk just yesterday I was sending someone a message telling them how maybe I'm fucking delusional and naive because who the fuck goes out on their daily saying "be skeptical. dont trust too much. always pay attention" but then after two days of talking with someone they're fucking platonically whipped and would sell their soul as long as they can see those around them happy? trick question I know many of you do too which WORRIES ME PLZ DONT PUT YOUR HEARTS ON THE LINE SO EASILY I drifted I forgot what I was saying oh welp

Anyway for some of you i have so much to say I could write endless paragraphs about you about admins and characters and life and wow I do speak a lot to admins sometimes I speak more to admins as admin that the characters and for some others I can only say a few things or wish you to have a good day some of you I only ever spoke to your character or we talked too little or never at all wow I say that a lot but like one thing yall have in common is that I love you so much even if you don't know me or dont care alright I dont care if you don't care I LOVE YOU and you can FIGHT ME if you dont wanna accept it smh I just want you to know that this place so many of you have been feeling is crumbling down or hurting them or isnt the same anymore is MY safe place too is a place where I feel comfortable and secure and I know, well decide to believe, that you guys would never do willingly anything to hurt another and yknow sometimes I just sit in bed and look at my account and I'm like wow I suck I should delete but then I'm like I could never do that to you I really couldn't because I've been told so many times I'm peoples safe place too and I would never want to take that away from you yknow

I mean I'm not gonna say we shouldn't pay attention to the bad things that happen because this is somehow our home and it's on us to protect it but I think that we shouldnt focus so much on it. because theres still so many good things that we overlook when we think of the bad or when we let things get to us or when we decide to act out of impulse and not think through stuff yknow

ANYWAAY what I'm trying to say is that I love you all so so so so so much and this is my safe place because you're here for me when I need it and I would never give you guys up for anything and like i have so many people for whom i stay daily and try my best and I hope that someday when you need a reason i can be that for you too because I've said this in private but I want everyone to know that this is my corner too and I will always fight for it and protect it so like we can all fight for it together whenever things get rough or you can leave me alone and maybe I'm being super dramatic and putting a lot of weight on this but I started overthinking like halfway and in just tthink that I want to keep yall close to me and my heart forever ok so stay safe and healthy and happy yeah fight for your happiness fight for what you deserve fight for what you want and don't let anyone ANYONE EVER take away from you your joy and your spark and your will to be yourself ok bye