#i see a lot of people who just refer to themselves as 'aro' and I'm not thsr because i still separate these two aspects of myself and don't

[fearcicada]

I am technically aroace but it's like I feel like being ace is so much less important to me and a much smaller aspect of who I am than being aro so I like. Never think about it. Being ace is like ok whatever I'm not attracted to people but being aro is like (the way I view humanity and relationships has been fundamentally altered in every which way and affects how I see the whole world)

[cinderella-ish]

Fruits Basket Queer Headcanons

The more I watch and read Fruits Basket, the more I get the sense that no one is straight here. Well... almost no one. So, in honor of pride month, here are my queer headcanons for the cast of Fruits Basket!

(Disclaimer that these are my own personal headcanons, obviously nothing official, etc... I try to draw on evidence from the text, but I'll admit I'm occasionally going purely off vibe. Also, I'm bi and genderfluid, so that's the lens I'm bringing to this. I'd love to hear your headcanons, especially if they differ from mine! Enjoy!)

Genderfluid and/or genderqueer: Ayame and Ritsu

I (probably somewhat controversially) think a lot of the gender non-conformity among Fruits Basket characters is just that: gender non-conformity. Momiji is one example; he dresses in girls' clothing (though not "like a girl") until his growth spurt, but it seems important to him to be seen as a man from at least that point forward.

Ritsu is someone whose gender identity and/or nonconformity really should've been explored more in the manga - as written, it feels like Ritsu's exploration of gender was viewed as something he'd grow out of, rather than a search for understanding himself. He doesn't really seem to mind being identified as either male or female, though he obviously feels a lot of shame about his comfort with wearing women's clothes (though no one around him when we meet him really seems to mind, which is nice-- I also appreciate that Ritsu was shown to have friends who adore him outside of the Sohmas). Anyway, the fact that he seems okay with being referred to as both a man and a woman is the entire basis for this headcanon.

Ritsu also idolizes Ayame, and I think part of this stems from Ayame's own security in his non-traditional gender presentation. We don't really get a lot of Ayame's thoughts on gender, despite his line of work, but he strikes me as the sort of person who would enjoy playing with his own gender presentation and would be more than open to exploring his gender identity (and probably has!). I think Ayame would lean more toward having an expansive view of masculinity rather than dressing more feminine when he feels more feminine, but I also think he would embrace the different ways people might perceive his gender.

Transgender Woman: Akito Sohma

This I think is quite clear in canon. Akito was assigned male at birth, then transitioned to female.

What makes it hard for some people to see Akito as trans is that the reason she was assigned male at birth was not the typical reason people are assigned male at birth in our world (it was her mother's demand, rather than a guess based on the shape of her genitals), but I don't think that makes her any less trans.

Under the Ace and/or Aro Umbrellas

This umbrella is a little tricky for several of these characters, because they've been forbidden from dating, or had very controlling parents, or thought they'd only hurt anyone they loved, so they haven't necessarily had time to figure out whether they've just repressed that part of themselves or they just don't experience attraction at all/without a strong emotional connection first. (Not everyone needs time to figure that out, though!) But anyway, here's who I think would eventually find themselves under at least one of these umbrellas!

Asexual/Aromantic: Kazuma

I love the tidbit that Kazuma tried dating women, but talked so much about Kyo that he never got a second date. I like the interpretation of him as a gay man, but to me, he reads as asexual/aromantic. Dating just doesn't even seem to be on his radar!

Demisexual/Demiromantic: Kyo, Shigure, Machi

A lot of the fandom sees Kyo as demi, and I'm totally here for that interpretation of him. He generally seems annoyed by or frightened of girls who aren't Tohru (frightened either when there's a risk of transforming, or when Kagura is involved). Also, it's CUTE that Kyo takes after his dad (Kazuma) in this way.

At first blush, it seems very unlikely Shigure is under the ace umbrella, but I couldn't stop thinking about his brief relationship with Mayu. He's the one who suggested they date, yet he seemed completely disinterested in her. He did sleep with Ren, but that was only for revenge and because he imagined Akito would look like her if she'd been allowed to grow up as a woman. I genuinely believe all his "high school girls" ickiness was an act, much like most of his personality.

It doesn't seem like Machi can totally tell if/when she likes something (or someone!). This makes me wonder if she's just never had feelings for anyone before Yuki.

Demiromantic: Rin, Hiro

Rin seems open to sexual relations with people other than Haru, but I genuinely can't see her having romantic feelings for anyone other than him. I see Hiro similarly with respect to Kisa. I think, if they ever split, it would take an extremely long time for him to even be open to falling for someone else.

Under the Bi/Pan+ Umbrella

So, I'm not making a distinction between these two (and other orientations that fall under the same umbrella, like poly- or omnisexual) because that seems like a very personal, internal conversation. I know some people make a distinction between the way bi and pan people experience attraction, but some don't, and that feels too prescriptivist for my purposes here. So, these are characters who I think experience attraction to multiple genders!

Tohru obviously falls for Kyo, but she also thinks Akito is cute, she thinks Rin is "shapely" and "beautiful" (her words!), and she goes along with it when Saki talks about them getting married.

Yuki ends up with Machi (and I love them together!) but I think Kyo was his first crush. His arc is also very relatable for a lot of queer folks (myself included!). And he's a disaster. Long live bisexual disaster Yuki Sohma!

Shigure is tricky, because the flirtation between him and Ayame could just be a joke, but I personally think it's a joke that arose out of some fun nights spent together...

Akito obviously likes men, but she also flirts with Tohru when they first meet.

Saki talks about marrying both Tohru and Kazuma. She's probably joking about Kazuma, but she's generally a very literal person, so I don't think she's joking about Tohru. She also marries a foreigner canonically, and that foreigner is probably a man.

Momiji talks about finding an amazing sweetheart-- not an amazing wife or girlfriend!!-- one day. I think he was being very intentional in not specifying his future partner's gender.

Hatori is the one I feel least sure of, but my headcanon is that he gets so annoyed and embarrassed by Shigure and Ayame because he doesn't want anyone to know he was totally part of at least a few of those trysts...

Mutsuki and Hajime are definitely together, right? And it seems like the fandom mostly sees Mutsuki as bi, which... yeah, that tracks.

Hatsuharu's first love was Yuki, and his last love was Rin.

Kakeru has a girlfriend, but for some reason, I have it in my head that he always refers to Kyo as Yuki's "hot cousin"? Did I just imagine that? Anyway... even if I did make that up, I think his backstory is a great analogy for the experience of coming out. He was trying to fit in a box and decided he was done with it. Pure chaotic bi energy.

For Ayame, see Shigure and Hatori above. (Also, “I am a bottom ALL THE WAY!!!”)

Mine is admittedly here just based on vibes.

Mitsuru likes Ritsu even though she's not entirely sure of Ritsu's gender!

Kimi is also here purely based on vibes.

Gay and Lesbian

Hiroshi has always struck me as gay. I can't really explain it. I usually have absolutely awful gaydar, so it's odd that he gives me such clear gay vibes. I wrote him as gay in my longfic, Bloom Within Us, and I'll probably always write him as gay.

President Takei obviously has a crush on Yuki. We don't really see him show interest in anyone else (partially because he's such a minor character). He also seems to still be a bachelor in Another, which could be because he can't legally marry yet...

My headcanon that Kunimitsu is gay kind of popped up as I was writing Bloom Within Us. There's no particular reason, and he doesn't give me strong gay vibes or anything.

Hajime and Mutsuki are definitely a couple! (Right?!) And it seems like most of the fandom sees Hajime as gay which... yeah, I can get behind that.

Akimoto (Arisa's senpai from her gang) is another character who gives me such strong vibes that I thought it was canon that she was a lesbian. Whoops. Anyway, I headcanon that Akimoto is gay, and referenced that in one of my oneshots.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Controversial omission: Arisa Uotani. She says she likes Kureno because he reminds her of Tohru, but she doesn't like Tohru? Yes, she gives me major queer vibes but this to me points to her being straight. Also, based on the way she reacts to her friends developing crushes or falling in love (and the way they react to her falling in love), I don't think there's anything between her and Saki or her and Tohru (as much as I love fics that pair her with Saki!). I also think not every relationship with lots of physical affection and strong feelings of love has to be romantic.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading my queer headcanons! This has been in my drafts for months, so I'm really glad Pride Month gave me a reason to finish this post!

Happy Pride!

[neonscandal]

jjk having queer-coded villains seems to be an intentional choice. what are your thoughts on this

Anon comin in hot today! I feel like this doesn't really need a spoiler warning though it does detail info about characters yet to be animated so read at your own risk.

To be honest, I wouldn't even say that it's coding, JJK has an assortment of characters with varied identities from our protagonists to our antagonists which includes:

Megumi - a lot of fans interpret his non-gendered answer to what his type is, focusing instead on personality, to mean that he's pansexual.

Mahito - genderless ✨ and/or physically lacking reproductive organs that would typically define gender binary

Tengen - presumably assigned female at birth, has since transcended gender or is more non-binary

Kenjaku - another character who's just.. lived so long that they're just kind of gender fluid? Though, considering their history, intersex may be more appropriate? We know that, as Noritoshi Kamo, he mixed his blood with what would become the cursed womb paintings but she actually consummated with Jin for some extra razzle dazzle

Uraume - canonically they/them

Kirara - assigned male at birth (though I believe canonically referred to as they/them) with an androgynous gender expression

Please note: I don't consider myself an expert on the matter as gender identity, expression and sexual orientation exist on spectrums. Subsequently, if you think any of the above characters belong elsewhere based on canon or headcanon, I get it. If, based on canon, I'm outright incorrect, feel free to drop a comment and I'll edit accordingly.

With the distribution of the above in mind, I don't think it's unilaterally something focused just among the antagonists. Though, ironically, some of my color coding is also debatable at this point, I suppose. I think the more interesting observation is that, with enough time, such labels aren't as binding or lack the need for definition. Like, Tengen has all the time in the world to be whatever they want to be and they simply become. In fact, unrelated but kinda related, you see a similar idea in Hell's Paradise with the mercurial gender fluidity of the Tensens, too. Honestly, that's another show to watch with a curious lens.

All that to say, I think the varied representation is more interesting due to the conversation around the mangaka's own identity. Gege Akutami's anonymity has been shielded by their pen name but, also, I don't believe they have confirmed pronouns. While people argue that they went to an all boys' school previously, they also, during a stint as an assistant on another manga, unveiled themselves with a femme presenting avatar. Seemingly to avoid being defined by visual perception (or to pre-emptively avoid recognition by devastated fans..), they appeared in a video interview dressed as Mechamaru. Couple that with the fact that there is a notable lack of romantic pairings within the story, especially those that would be typical of a shonen story. Arguably, that could leave a lot of Aro and/or Ace characters that I'm too obtuse to have picked up on. In fact, one could interpret Akutami's previous comments about Gojo accordingly.

Subsequently, I don't think the intention is to vilify queerness just because some of the antagonists fit the bill. I think, if anything, there's just representation that isn't necessarily cultivated around "othering" queer characters or using their diversity as a plot line, if that makes any sense? Which isn't just concentrated on the "bad guys". For the most part, these are just subtle realities of the characters... okay, Kenjaku's identity can definitely be charged to the plot though. 👀 Seemingly contrary to what I just said about diversity as a plot device, I'm now having mixed feelings specifically with Kenjaku because their identity does inform the plot but also intrinsically brings nuance to them as a character. The more I think about it, this diversity is actually what humanizes them which, connotatively, still seems like a positive thing. Hm. Maybe I'm a hypocrite? Not sure but I'm curious as to your thoughts so feel free to leave them below 👇🏾

[sheshe-cartoonlover]

Heyy! Here I'll uploading my sketches of different cartoons!!

Orrrr...

Different ideas or thoughts of different cartoons :D

Well, things like that...

Almost all about cartoons :))

Also... Can you see my pfp? 'Cause I uploaded It many times, but I can't see It TvT

Sooo... I forgot to upload my description and I prefer to write what I'd write there directly here!

About me:

You can call me... Basically any way you like, SheShe Is okk too :))

Orrr... You call me Rain or something like that... I usually use that! It's my art name...? Kind of...

Okk, let's move on!! I'm 15yo... Too much... Too much... I think I've missed two or three birthdays, because sometimes I wake up thinking I'm 12yo... Yeahh, that's It! Just ignore all the "..."! It's just not really how I talk irl, but I can't really talk how I talk irl, maybe I'll leave a vocal thingy here someday, since I desperately want to talk!! My English Is bad, remember that! I'm a B2, I think?? I don't really know my level, I just know I can read B2/C1 books, well, I usually mess up with few/little and many/much... When writing or speaking. Talking about my pronounce, It Is well, really meh... You'll hear that laterrr!

I wrote this poem just for saying that I'm 15yo! Oh, my!

ANYWAY, yeah, I know I repeat things often, I'm totally self-conscious about that and I apologise! But... I TRY, but I can't not do It!!! It's sooo hard! It's like talking slowly! Who on earth Is able do that?

Oh, let's come back to myself ✨

I'm Italian and I'm REALLY can't take It anymore with all the hotness hereee! It's like 40°C degrees, I hate the Sun! Sorry, Sun, I love your complexion... But not your role, still don't explode, pleeeeeease!

After that little talk to myself with the Sun, you probably stopped reading, I'm not even asking myself why! If you are still reading, I think you must know that you're not even halfway, because I may have been lacking of social interactions these days and when that happens... I talk to myself, so why don't be even crazier! Talk to random people who may encounter my post In this sea of posts (worst metaphor ever, I know) and ask themselves why? Why would she do that?

OHHH, RIGHT!! I'm a girl! Pronouns She/Her, I don't really like to be referred as He/Him, so please remember that, I won't be mad If you don't, but... Don't be offended If I'm having a bad day and I tell you something, like "I'm actually I girl!!", I apologize here, sorryyy 😓😓...

Let's move onto Sexuality, should we? (Yeah, we definitely should, I know, I'll tell you how many words are there In this poem at the end, which Is... Uhm... Pretty far!)...

ANYWAY (I'll using a lot of anyways to reconnect myself to the MAIN conversation here, yeah, I know It's just a conversation with MYself!)... Counting of anyways at the end!!

ANYWAY, I'm In the ARO/ACE Spectrum, I know for sure I'm Apothisexual but... What about romantic orientation? Something In the ARO Spectrum for sure, just not Apothiromantic, since, I'm not romance-repulsed... I mean, I don't like romance on myself, like kisses are a big no and, I'm not perfectly fine with physical touch either... But, I really love others romance!! Literally like every fangirl!! But I don't know If Apothiromantic to that!? So I'll be sticking to Aromantic or [Fictoromantic], even though I prefer Apothiromantic, referring to how I feel about romance with ME...

I'm a cartoon addicted, I don't watch anything If not cartoons!! (No, but I mean for real)... I'm starting to become real-people-repulsed, well not for real, I love my friends, but, I just wish we were, like, animated better? It's difficult to explain, maybe I'm just weird... I literally can't watch shows with real people If not at the theatre, because I feel like repulsed... I get bored In some minutes...

ALSO, things for which I'll probably get bullied at school If I tell anyone, I'm afraid of blood, like a lot... Not mine... But others'... Yes.. Even If It's just the slightest sight of blood... If It's drawn I still have problems, but less, like I can convince myself that It Isn't blood, so my head doesn't start going crazy and almost fainting or... I just look away :D!

TPD doesn't have much blood, luckily and... Only on dark scenes, most of the times, so I say to myself: "It Isn't blood... It's Isn't blood..."

That's like:

Me: "It Isn't blood... It's Isn't blood..."

Viren: "The Son's Blood..." or "The Blood of The Soon...", I'm not sure!

Anyway!!

Me: "IT'S NOT BLOOD! IT'S NOT BLOOD!"

So, well, sometimes I actually believe It... And It's working! When Viren did that disgusting hearth thingy I don't wanna remember, at first, I didn't even think It was blood... Well, then yes, so I started looking away or looking at the background ehe...

This Is starting to feel like a personal diary-

ANYWAY, where were we? I don't even remember...

Oh. Right!!! My lucky number Is 17!!!

I won't tell you ALL my personality typings, just know I'm a ENFP E2w3, ok?

Wanna know something? Ask In the comments below!!

And no, It's NOT the end... Just lemme find a topic, because I really want to talk... You can see how crazy I am by the fact that I literally have a chat with myself on TextingStory free version, 'cuz I have no money ✨✨

Wanna see some of the chat???

I guess not, but I wanna show y'all!!

Nevermind, It's more embarrassing than this whole thing...

I'm working on MLP tarots with myself, anyway!!! I have just 2 cards ready for now, well "ready"... I have just 2 doodles of the concepts... I have 0 - The Fool - Discord and I - The Magician - Trixie, but I have to color them digitally and It's gonna be a pain since... Well, let's say I'm not the best with digital art... But still, I should be able to trace and color, right?? Yeah, I don't think so neither, but we'll see after I have all the 78 cards ready!!!

My idea Is to give each card a different character, according to their story or just something near to their story, since finding 78 DIFFERENT characters was hard... Actually 85, but shhh, just because two cards need 2 characters and one needs 3... Not really the best things ever... Finding the Kings was the worst ehe... At least now I can say my favourite seed Is CUPS!! And that If you get 5 Is bad... Also Death!! Death Is worse... I already decided all the characters yesterday, did I already tell you that?

Anyway...

I know It's bad, I just tried... Ahahahaha

They are the same size anyway, don't let yourself be fooled by the pictures and for the King/Queens and Empress/Emperor you'll see... I'm not a PEDO!!! I don't actually ship them! They are just characters that fitted In, Kings and Queens are not related! Nor are the Empress and the Emperor!!

Fun fact: I have 8 full notebooks I made In 3-4 years... Maybe 2? It feels so weird... I didn't change In these notebooks, just In the last ones, I understood myself better... Since I write as Rain, not as She... Yeah, She Is a real life nickname people give me, so well, SheShe too... I really became more mentally ill In these years... But also a lot more like In this post... In my notebooks, I put all my weirdness and I feel happy about It, I don't know If It's good or not...

I'm also dark, sometimes, thought, honestly... Like I really want my parents to divorce, like I want It, I'd be happy and out there there are people who maybe have PTSD due to their parents divorce... I feel cruel for this...

ANYWAY!!! LET'S TALK OF LIGHTER THINGS!! Even thought, my playlist playing "Different Beast" creeps me out, If the next It's "Monster", I'd be sad for my own cruelness... I'm trying soo hard to be KIND, KIND AND KIND... People say: "Don't be kind or you'll be used!", but what If I like being used??? What If I'm fine with It and I take joy In being used, because I know that my being used does something good to others, while my not being kind, hurts them? Like sometimes I don't understand people, I usually thought that this thing of using was realistic and helpful, but some months ago I realised I wrong I was! Anyway, yeah, people use me or think about using me, even not voluntarily... One time, one of my classmates told me: "You do everything people tell you, you're so usable"... I told him "I know" and I laughed, "It doesn't bother me" - I said.

Anyway my YouTube FYP, because yes

Sorry, It's In Italian 😓😓

Anyway, "No Longer You" Is playing, It's even more even depressing than "Monster"...

Anyway, even If It's the song which scares me the most In all EPIC, "Monster" Is my favourite song In The Musical!!!

Anyway, my current favourite cartoon Is MLP: FIM, well, actually from a lot of years, but... Still love It!!!

I'll finish this ✨ Poem ✨ later

I'M BACK! I'M BACK!!

OK, so I thought you may be asking why In my notebook I have a date of day that still has to come (5/4), I wish It was because I'm from the future, but It's because I'm a dummy... In my notebooks, I always put dates that has to come, It's because they're Rain's notebooks, not She's notebooks and In Rain's world the time works different... It's never the same date as today, It's always the future, but really random... Like sometimes In a day I put 2 or more different dates orr, one day I put the date of 2 days after and some days even a week or a month... This started with a date of months later, but I was busy, this date arrived and well, the dates came nearer ehe...

I'm loving writing this essay, like It's really awesome, It's like a therapy!!! Quite like VAT7K, which helped and Is helping with my loneliness and fear of abandonment... See, I don't know If you want to read my psychological talk... There aren't a lot of who would want to... At least, when I talk about that with my Mom I feel worse than before... But, maybe with you? I talked about It with other friends... Really... Almost everyone, even If I tried to make It seem A LOT less a pain than It really was, because... Because that's what my Mom makes me think... Like, I don't wanna become a drama queen and give the impression that ONLY I suffer, I don't know, my Mom always says that "No one wants to be your (mine) friend, because you're (I'm) always like this"...

Like, I love to talk about psychology and things I like, but when I talk with my Mom or my Grandma, my Dad... I feel so non listened and dumb for even having started that dumb conversation that... I started to not talk about my Interests with my friends or, even when I do It, I feel like even If they reply... They seem Interested... Their smile Is fake and they are just annoyed, bored and uninterested just because of me, so I stop... And change topic...

ANYWAY, I'm making this whole thing seem like It's my Mom fault, but no, she's good!! She doesn't just realise she's not really the mother she wishes to be and I'm not the daughter she wants ehe... But she's a lot of fun!!! I definitely prefer her to those bratty Moms all about pretty dresses and ugly long nails... Augh... (SORRY IF I ACCIDENTALLY INSULTED YOU!! If I don't like long nails or dressing pretty It's just me, not you, you are not a bad personality to me just because of that, you're even better than me, because you actually care about you look, while I don't... Well, I do... But In my ways... Anyway, I love y'all anyway!! Remember, It doesn't matter how you dress, y'all are still beautiful!!! I just don't want a Mom who tells me to dress pretty, while I don't to ♥️)!

Hey!! Wanna know I dress and how I WOULD dress If I could?

I'll show some things from Pinterest!!! You're completely free to not like It, of course, I have not seen anyone with my style so far... Well, maybe my BFF, but I'm... Well, even more colourful and self expressive than her!!

Ohhh, I can't wait to show youuu! I need to find someone with my style!!!

First, this kind of oversized hoodies, all with bunnies images like this one! But, figure them In a different colour, like... Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red and with a big pocket right below the bunny!!!

This would be a good example of a T-shirt I'd wear, same colours (Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red, some white), always with Bunnies!!!

Always long shirts.

I'd wear this kind of shirts/hoodies with cartoon characters too, but It's too embarrassing ehe...

For the pants, sweatpants or leggins!

Same colours are before, you know Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red... Ehe... They are my colours... Yellow too, thought!

-

Now It's summer here, soo, I just wear this kind of shorts, but with the colours you know, but I'll repeat: Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red...

And I also wear singlets like these, same colours (Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red)!

For the HOT SUN I also always have this...

NO WAYYY, 10 IMAGES LIMIT?? THIS IS INSANE!?

Sorry, guys, I'll delete the MLP picture... 🥲

Yeah, I wear this and I probably look dumb and really funny, but It's really useful (yes, I got the idea from that MLP episode)...

And a fan!!! I always bring my fan!!! Oh, and I always bring my rucksack!!! I have to make you see It!!! I'll delete the leggings image... You know how leggings are made, after all, right?

I have to give you an idea of how my rucksack looks like, sorryyy!!

It's similar to this, but It has longer ears and It's more colourful, It had mixed light blue, lavender and light pink... Mine also has a tail and paws... The base colour In the back, which here Is light pink, In mine Is lavender... Also mine has A LOT of keychain... AHHH!! I HAVE 2 MLP KEYCHAINSS!!! 1 Scootaloo and 1 Twilight, they arrived two weeks ago, then an heart carved In wood, two bracelets from the Camping I go on Holiday since I was born: one from last year (ocean blue), and one I'm using this year (Pinkie's mane pink)... Also 2 Scooby-Doos, which are those things with Intertwined threads, I don't know?? I translated this word, Imma be honest here! Also there I have a Marmot small-sized plushie with a tiny bow, a lavender butterfly 🦋 and my school's keychain!! It should be everything... You don't wanna know what's inside, but sure there are plenty sticks... I'll probably use them to make magic wands once I get home, since I need some!! Did I mention I'm Into witchcraft!!!

All the photos are from Pinterest!!!

I got an Ideaaa!! I'll make my own diary on Wattpad, best therapy ever!!! Maybe I'll make some friends too...!! I can't wait!! Even If as a format... I love Tumblr more... But... YOU CAN PUT JUST 10 IMAGES IN A POST??? WHATT??

Anyway, I can't count the words or the anyways like I promised, 'cause I can't copy the Intere text... TvT

I'm so sorry...

This Is probably the end, but see you In my new Journal on Wattpad, I'll probably write about my life here too and I'll register those promised vocals... :))!!

Anyway, I changed my mind... Tumblr Is A LOT better than Wattpad, so I'm gonna use this both as a Journal and to post drawings... Well, still a Journal and this was my Intro :))

[duckielover151]

I've been thinking a lot about fandoms and headcanons today. Specifically, the drama that can ensue around character sexuality headcanons. (Specifically, in regards to Kaoru Hitachiin, though I don't think you need to be an Ouran fan for this post to reach you. A lot of these are more general thoughts.)

I've always been someone who encourages everyone to headcanon characters however you want. Your headcanons may not be my headcanons... but do/write/believe whatever makes you happy. Fandom is supposed to be fun.

But sometimes I also enjoy reading other people's perspectives. And I've seen comments sections get real ugly over differences in interpretation.

I think we could all stand to take a step back sometimes and remind ourselves that more than one thing can be true at a time.

So if you want to see Kaoru as bi, have at it. I get why some people get really heated about this character's 'bi vs gay' debate in particular. Bi erasure is a very real thing. I respect that.

Personally, I prefer to headcanon Kaoru as just plain gay. For reasons that are fairly close to my heart, and which I hope you can all show equal respect.

We actually tend to refer back to the exact same story point: the date with Haruhi. For some of you, it's proof that he is attracted to women also. I'm part of the camp that likes to consider this Kaoru's "questioning arc."

And it's questioning arcs that are really near and dear to me. I'm aro/ace, personally. Like all identities that most people have never heard of until they start that questioning phase themselves... a-spec people kind of specialize in getting it wrong the first time. (There's a huge number of us who figured we were bi or pan or straight first and only found the right words for how we actually feel years later.) And we're living in a society that really demonizes you if you get it wrong and decide a different label fits you better later on, after you've already come out once.

I think it's entirely possible Kaoru's attraction to Haruhi could have been genuine.

I also think it's equally believable that he recognized his brother's crush for what it was, is unused to really differing from Hikaru in any major way, and stumbled a bit in interpretating just what flavor of love he feels for Haruhi, as she is a good friend who's had a major effect on his life and how he views himself. Given how the twins' whole canon storyline is literally one big identity crisis, it doesn't feel like a stretch to see it that way.

I'm tired of "confused" being a dirty word. I hate how it's been weaponized against queer people of all walks of life. I hate seeing people policing questioning phases and gatekeeping identity labels.

You are the only person living in your mind and body.

It is okay to be wrong.

[invierno-inferno]

rating Lovejoy songs based on how aspec they are

(disclamer: a lot (most) of these are a stretch. but nothing is more powerful than an aroace who wants representation.)

Are You Alright?

Taunt: off to a bad start- the only remotely-aspec-if-you-squint line is 'did anybody ever say no to you?' which implies that the singer is rejecting the subject of the song. why? aromanticism or asexuality, maybe. along with the general theme of running away in this song, although that's also a reach. 1.5/10.

One Day: again, not much. the song is about the singer's romantic partner not being good for him, which is a pretty common topic for a song. the idea of wanting to be in a relationship despite it not being good can apply to aspec people, but overall this song doesn't give much. 1/10

Sex Sells: now we're getting somewhere! I see this song as a story that 'call me what you like' and 'it's all futile! it's all pointless!' are also about: an asexual alloromantic and allosexual aromantic trying to make a relationship work. in this song, it's obvious that the singer and the subject want different things from the relationship- the more relevant of this song is that the subject prioritizes sex, which the narrator does not want. pretty aspec! 7/10

Cause for Concern: honestly, this song's got nothing. a banger, but not aspec. 0/10

Pebble Brain

Oh Yeah, You Gonna Cry?: definitely less to go on, but I hear this song as the singer helping his friend to break up with her boyfriend by implying they have the beginning of a relationship. maybe a sort of prequel to the 'sex sells' story. 4/10

Model Buses: the lines 'you're just scared/you're just scared of the future' is often something paraphrased by aphobes, invalidating their orientation by saying things like 'you're afraid of growing up' and 'you're afraid of commitment'. pretty aspec, but it is only a couple of lines that probably weren't intended to be read this way. 3/10

Concrete: not much of anything. 0/10

Perfume: that's what I'm fucking talking about. 'seems like all her friends/abruptly fell in love/and she was in the dust/darling, life was streaming past/so she learned to lie/she learned how to pretend/a drama in the futile/a means to an end'. it's aro! it's aro. to quote the writer of the song, 'you aromantics need to read my lyrics! listen to it's all futile! it's all pointless! and figure out what it's about. and perfume.' super aro, however it's only half a verse. 8/10!

You'll Understand When You're Older: same deal as 'model buses'. a lot of aspec people, particularly teens, are invalidated by being told that they are late bloomers. 3/10

The Fall: love this song, there's nothing aspec though. 0/10

It's All Futile! It's All Pointless!: aro. it's SO aro. see the quote above about perfume and iafiap. also, an entire verse explicitly about not being in love! subject is almost definitely alloaro. and general themes of doing what society tells you, despite you being unhappy with it. 11/10, aro anthem.

Wake Up & It's Over

Portrait of a Blank Slate: not super aspec. however, 'how do you all make it look so easy?/open your hearts up so quickly, it scares me' sounds arospec to me! 4/10

Call Me What You Like: this is the last song of the story that starts with 'sex sells'. some especially aspec lines include 'you could kiss the skin from my lips if it makes you feel good/not sure if you want it, not sure if you need me, too'. the first line implies that the narrator is indifferent towards sex and/or romance, and engages in it only if his partner wants to. in the second line, he wonders if his partner values him in the relationship. 'I'm not made for you/but what else is new?/oh lord, she tells me that it's nothing/I really hope it's nothing' to me references the narrator and the subject experimenting to figure themselves out- 'what else' could be new is romantic feelings. the narrator hopes there aren't any. 6/10

Consequences: One of my favorites, but there's not much here. Maybe 'I wish I tried more/wish I tried more/wish I tried' in reference to a romantic relationship, which some aro people can relate to by thinking that if they had 'tried harder' to be in love, the relationship would have worked. Kind of a stretch, though. 1.5/10

Warsaw: at first glance, there's not much but if we look closer... the subject is unhappy in her current relationship, (a common theme in Lovejoy's songs) and is sleeping with strangers, which is the same situation as 'call me what you like' and by extent iafiap, in which the subject is likely alloaro. 'the place that she got her first kiss is now a vaccination clinic' also supports that the subject of this song is the same as the one in iafiap, cmwyl, and sex sells- same meaning as 'what was your thought when you realized you'd never feel naïve love again?'. (I know I said cmwyl was the last in the story- I feel like this isn't solid enough to definitely be a part of it). my argument's a bit weak. 5/10

Scum: 'no matter how much you think you love him/you'll still flinch when his blood pool touches you.' can't figure out how to explain this one, but you get it. 'maybe he'll be jesus/maybe he'll be jesus this time.' 'jesus' in these lines might mean The One- maybe this person will be the one, maybe this relationship will be the one. I'd group this song in with model buses and you'll understand when you're older, just a couple one-off lines. 3/10

It's Golden Hour Somewhere: 'they'll tell you this is normal/they'll tell you this is love/I'm not sure if the stuff I want is even worth the price it comes'. again, can't describe it, just seems aspec. 2/10

[cherubheartz]

Adding onto the previous asker on why some people think mspec lesbians are harmful:

1. The most popular definition of lesbian right now is "nonmen loving nonmen" (which has a lot of problems but now isn't the time for that) and so the chronically online Twitter lgbts see someone use it "wrong" and can't mind their own business, nor can they accept that maybe "nonmen loving nonmen" isn't the ultimate, true, historical, and undisputed definition of lesbian and maybe it only came about in the 2020s.

2. Lesbian separatism is still hurting the community to this day and that's partially because of the amount of TERFs and radfems in it. The community is struggling to heal. Biphobic rhetoric, gender essentialism, and transphobia are rampant, as well as radfem fearmongering about how anyone who is a man or associates with men wants to invade their safe space, that they need to be completely free of men, and that mspec lesbians taking a place in the community is going to take resources from "real lesbians," have mspec people speak over "real lesbians," and have men think they can be with "real lesbians." A lot of non-radfem exclus have been fed this fearmongering bullshit and continue to parrot it. They are afraid of something they really don't need to fear.

3. Probably exorsexism. Because there's no good reason you can say lesbian is nmlnm but lesbians can't be mspec because "nmlnm" describes an mspec experience. Either they arbitrarily decided it doesn't count as mspec specifically so that no lesbian can call themself bisexual or they don't recognize nonbinary genders that are separate from the binary.

4. Apparently some of them decided using "mspec lesbian" to describe split attraction is appropriation of aspec people. (Start sarcasm) It is definitely good for aspec people and doesn't harm any of us especially not aces and aros for people to stop others from identifying their romantic and sexual orientations as separate. It's definitely good for us that more people believe sex and romance are inherently connected and cannot be oriented separately. (End sarcasm) Like hello we have been asking people to stop equating sex and romance for ages. It's bad for us, especially for aroallos and alloaces.

oh gosh this was so much information.

to add onto this. i'm simultaneously non-binary + aroacespec + lesbian. so this rhetoric is smacking me in the face too. good to know

i remember i used to be an "i hate men" person, but i realized a while ago that this only hurts people, me because i'm being angry, and others because i'm angry at them. it was pointless. what was i going to fix by being angry at a group characterized by something innate about themselves just because a couple of em hurt me. absolutely NOTHING !!!

this is INCREDIBLY good to know and thank you for telling me!!! i'll have this to reference back to later :)

[aro-bird]

The Alienation of being a Filipino Aro

There's a kind of cultural alienation that comes with growing up aromantic and no I'm not just talking about how most aros and arospecs would note experience relationships the same way an allo person would.

I'm talking about an isolation away from community and culture that becomes apparent when you really sit down and think about it. A sort of disconnect from your community not for the fault of your own but just by the mere fact that most of society didn't even know you could possibly exist.

I'm Filipino. In the Philippines, romance is an inseparable part of culture. It's not only liked by many as a concept and theme in their stories and discussions, but it's put on a pedestal. It's a pedestal that I could never achieve.

Most media references romance to some capacity. Children's media would have a lot of focus and emphasis on a romantic subplot even if that shouldn't be the main focus of the story. TV shows for adults, even if it should have little to do with romance like game shows, would make references to romance as a universal thing.

Despite the Philippines being one of the top producers of movies, you'd probably have a hard time finding anything that isn't romance save for the few horror films and the occasional comedies and action movies that constitute maybe about 3 movies a year out of the dozens made by the industry. Even indie films have a huge focus on love, romance, and relationships with the extremely few being dramas that drag or depressed the audience. Don't get me started about how 99% of music is about love and loss.

Outside of media, Filipinos are extremely romantic and not just exclusively with their partners. PDA is everywhere and is even encouraged. It is not uncommon to see students at school holding hands and cuddling on campus being tolerated and even celebrated as long as they don't kiss in front of a teacher. This would be fine if people weren't force to participate in it.

From early on in elementary school, children would exchange gifts during Christmas as they sing out loud "I love my Monito/Monita, yes I do!" as they play secret santa, with gifts exchange between kids of two different genders being met with typical romantic teasing. It's a pretty common question in playground discussions to ask who your crush is and if you didn't had an answer, you would be called a liar if they don't outright call you weird.

Friendships with someone who isn't your own gender (heck even friendships with someone who is of the perceived same gender too) are often met with romantic teasing and ceaseless inquiry. Even people you've only talked to once, without any indication of goodwill, or even positivity, gets you years of teasing and harassment from school boys that think they're being cute. Some of these people even thought it appropriate to drag me into a "chain booth" where they would tie me up with another boy in class just to tease me. The fact that this is seen as something romantic let alone acceptable is beyond disgusting.

Even adults push this narrative of romance and relationships to the point that you probably couldn't last a single day in school without teachers talking about the woes of romance and love to try to seem hip with the kids. Poetry nights arranged by language arts club are filled with desperate cries about their beloved and love that could never be which extends not only to the artistic events of the month, but even just the casual school-wide assembly. Poems that portray the unresponsive as a bad guy, as the heartless who dares not return affection. It was all alienating.

What happens to a person whose entire existence is not seen and not only not seen but dismissed entirely by the community? What happens to a person who can't find themselves in their own local media? To the person who can't relate to their community and peers? To the person being pressured to desire something that doesn't make sense to them? To the person being forced to be something they're not? All by their community and culture?

It's different for everyone, but in my case, I looked to somewhere else.

I found comfort in foreign media that didn't feel like it was talking down at me for not pursuing romance. I found comfort in English communities that didn't harass me and forced me to conform to an idealized romance. I found comfort in a place foreign, outside of the Filipino culture that does not have room for people like me.

This has made me avoid a lot of Filipino media, discussions, and communities even online. Why should I seek out a place that would fundamentally misunderstand me? That would alienate me and make me feel unhuman just as it did while I was growing up? That would pressure me to do things against my will?

It was empowering to find a community outside the community. It was as if I had found a secret club that understood me more than the people I knew for literal years. It was welcoming and warm and nice. Until things felt... off.

I look at this new community, this community away from community and realize something that has been bugging me for a good few months now.

This place also feels alien.

Discussions here may not revolve around a constant stream of love, romance, relationships, and heartbreak, but they are in a language spoken that's foreign to me. Not that the words being typed in English is the problem, no, even the shows back home speak loads of the language. It was something else.

The discourse was alien. The discourse was American.

Most of the discussions and the media around being aro places it squarely in the west. I've noticed that I even try to lessen my Filipino-ness at times when I would discuss my aro experiences despite the two being quite intertwined. I felt a bit of embarrassment just even thinking of bringing it up since it felt out of place. This didn't feel like the appropriate time to discuss this, but if not now, then when?

Discord servers, although international, are mostly filled with American aros and if not Europeans. Major blogs and resources are run by westerners who primarily discuss western issues and discourse. Those that try to cater to a more general discussion about aromanticism feels hollow as culture and community is stripped to its very basics to avoid alienating everyone else.

Now I'm typing this all out to reflect in it further. I'm still at this awkward place in figuring out how to handle these ideas. The reality that I'm not truly a part of my Filipino culture as someone aromantic, and the reality that I'm a foreigner to the aromantic community as a Filipino still messes with my brain.

I want to be clear, this is no one's direct fault. It is definitely more of an issue that a person only encounters when they don't fit the larger culture's idea of the standard, whether it be being an alloromantic Filipino or a western aro. I am not calling for all of the aro community to make space for me specifically just because I feel weird and awkward as a Filipino and I'm not calling on all Filipinos to keep checking on their amatonormativity just because I can't relate with their gushy romance.

Either way, I guess I have to try my best to create spaces for myself and open the discussion on both sides. Maybe I would finally start to feel less alien in my own skin.

[magicalyaku]

Greetings! It's been a while, but here I am, same as before (as in probably talking to much. :P) Work sucked the life right out me, I had a few conventions to attend, and I wrote another book. But things are slowing down again, and as I'm reading regularly again, I feel the need to share. I have four months which were hugely different in reading volume to talk about, so I'll split it up by theme this time! First up is: Ace books and Academic setting!

Dear Wendy (Ann Zhao): I was apprehensive about this one when I read the summary for the first time. Because two aroace protagonists? Awesome! But the setting and the story themselves didn't appeal to me at all. Unfortunately, that stayed true as I actually read it. Don't get me wrong, I do think it's a good book. I liked how the discussions about aro/ace and gender topics where integrated quite naturally into the story thanks to it being a college setting. And I liked what topics were chosen. It's just that I couldn't care less for that social media war they have going on. I'm the weirdo who has never used instagram, twitter, or facebook. The only thing I have is my tumblr and even here, I'm barely interacting with anyone. Stories centered around social media just aren't something that appeals to me. It also didn't help that the formatting of the e-book edition from libby that I borrowed was kinda hard to read for the posts and comments. I think I remember wondering if I am actually too old to enjoy this, but then again, the last ace/aro book I read before this was Just Lizzie which hit really hard and that was about a 12-year-old. :'D So personally for me, it was more meh, but I can see it resonating with other people. Go give it a try, please.

Upside Down (N.R. Walker): Another book with two ace protagonists, male this time and homoromantic. This one had me wary at first as well, because the author usually writes gay romance with smut? (That's what the books look like at least, haven't read anything.) But it's super cute and really funny. The discussions about asexuality were more basic in here than in Dear Wendy, the usual "we're all valid" etc., but a) they were for the most part well intergrated again as one of the protagonists leads an ace support group, and b) if the author's usual readers can broaden their horizons a bit through this, that's a good thing, right? Overall, I had a lot of fun reading this. There's two cover versions for this one. Obviously, the new one with illustration is superior.

A Darker Mischief (Derek Milman): Ugh, this … was weird? Intriguing? I'm still not quite sure what I'm supposed to take away from the ending. I'd have to reread the whole thing for the analytical part of my brain to activate and I'm not going to do that any time soon. The prologue was wtf, then for the longest time not much happened. Except, you could totally see the slow descent into the abyss. That one guy? Not real. The other one? Walking problematic person with difficult tendencies? Next guy? Alarm bells from every side. Fortunately, the main protagonist is smart enough, he's just poor and sixteen and been through rough times, what reflects in his choices. Oh, and there's probably a bunch of references in here that I didn't catch (history is not my thing at all). I did get the apple thing, at least. Yeah, so a weird experience, but all in all I liked the book.

Darker by Four (June CL Tan): This is one of the two books I read in April, so it was ages ago. :'D I remember having fun, though! It's the kind of book that was basically written for me. Badass sword-wielding heroine, suffering boy hero who kisses other boys, interesting worldbuilding, magic, evil creatures to slay, action, a sweet romance that is not the focus of the story, actual story to think about. A ton of good ingredients! What I liked best was that you get to know both protagonists, Rui and Yiran, equally as people. There's two of them but only one can have the magic! There's no choice but to have one of them suffer! And it's so mean, which makes it so good! I'm very eager to read the second volume to see where it all leads, the sacrifices and the triumph. <3

That's it for today. Next up will be another five books in Part Two: France and Other Places. :)

[oh-my-im-ply]

I don't see these slogans used as often as I used to, but I still want to talk about it, especially as a polysexual trans person. Be it as a retrospective, or as commentary aimed towards anyone who might still use these slogans today.

"[Bi/pan/mspec people] fall in love with a person, not a gender" and "[Bi/pan/mspec people care about] hearts, not parts!" are really bad slogans. Here's why.

"[Bi/pan/mspec people] fall in love with a person, not a gender" invalidates the love experienced by those whose attraction is impacted by gender, and erases many aromantic mspec folk who don't fall in love.

Falling in love with a whole person is not unique to those who experience attraction to all genders, or regardless of gender. This slogan implies that if you aren't attracted to all genders, or aren't attracted to people regardless of gender, it's impossible to love people for their entire being... "You just love the gender they have."

I'm a polysexual lesbian. I experience physical and emotional attraction to many genders, but I am not attracted to binary men. Gender impacts who I'm attracted to, who I'm comfortable being physically intimate with, and who I'm comfortable being partners with... But that doesn't mean my love is just about gender.

I identified as bi/pan for years, largely in part because of this rhetoric. I struggled to accept who I am and how I really feel, and a lot of it was fueled by slogans like this one. I felt like I had to give all genders a chance, because if I didn't, that would invalidate my love. I felt like I owed it to binary men to try... and to try... and to try again. Because, how could I really love someone if I wasn't willing to set gender aside?

(Among other reasons, because it was a very complex issue.)

And not only does this slogan invalidate the gendered love that many people experience, but it also erases mspecs who don't fall in love to begin with. Bi/pan/mspec people who are aromantic (or on the aromantic spectrum) exist too, including those who never fall in love.

Please don't devalue or invalidate gendered love by implying that it's less about the person than non-gendered love. Slogans like these harm mono-spec LG+ people, multi-spec people who don't fall in love, multi-spec people who aren't attracted to all genders, and even multi-spec people who are attracted to all genders in different ways.

Please don't use this slogan.

"Hearts, not parts" as a bi/pan/mspec slogan is not only dismissive of other sexualities/orientations, but also carries cissexist and endosexist connotations.

Using this as a bi/pan/mspec slogan implies that a person's "parts" are inherently relevant to other orientations. It implies that gender and "parts" are inherently linked. It implies that transgender and intersex people with certain genitals are inherently excluded from certain orientations, even if those orientations include their gender.

Genital preferences are not an inherent aspect of any orientation. In addition to that, some bi/pan/mspec people have genital preferences themselves. Because, ultimately, none of these orientations are defined by genital preferences or lack thereof; they're defined by how gender does or does not factor into one's attraction.

Not only that, but this slogan can also be alienating to bi/pan/mspec people who are romance-averse/repulsed, loveless aros, and heartless aros, for reasons that are probably obvious. Sometimes, it just isn't even about "hearts" to begin with, and that's okay.

The "hearts, not parts" slogan only works if used to explain the experiences of sex-averse/repulsed love-favorable people, because then "parts" refers to genitals in general, rather than associating specific genitals with specific genders.

Please only use "hearts, not parts" to explain how a person can be in love without having sex involved. Please don't use it as a bi/pan/mspec slogan. It originated during a time when transgender, intersex, and aromantic awareness was even less common, and it shows.

These are just my personal thoughts, but I hope that you take them to heart (no pun intended) and consider dropping these slogans if you haven't already.

[britneyshakespeare]

6, 8, and 10 for the ask game ❤️

Funny enough, these were three of my favorite questions in the prompt :^) good taste anon

What is your favourite part about being aromantic?

The best and worst things about being aro kind of go hand-in-hand in my experience. You're unique! But no one understands you. You defy expectations! But you never fit in with other people. You can be all alone! You're all alone. Etc. etc.

But yes, the uniqueness of it is what makes me feel comforted, especially when I put my feelings out there and other people actually understand them. Which is mostly just other aros, but still, other aromantic people are awesome. We learn so much from each other. I genuinely do feel closer to people when they tell me that they're aro and/or ace or even that they've questioned (or are questioning) that in themselves because it's like, phew. Someone who has a bit of experience in my shoes, even if we still ultimately come about it differently.

But as a creative writer, being aromantic fucking rocks. Fuck amatonormativity. Soooo much literature is amatonormativity. Especially poetry, and I know that intimately well as a goddamn poetess! I've gone on this rant before but being an aromantic poet is kind of inherently rebellious to me. I love writing about my aromanticism. Often I come to it since it's been a topic of confliction and confusion in me more than pride, but the pride comes in looking what I've done. And the creative product of an aromantic person reflecting on their experiences is always going to be subversive and interesting to me.

Do you associate anything with being ‘aromantic culture’?

I guess this kind of relates to the last question, in that, yeah, I think my poetry is pretty Aromantic Culture™ if that is a thing. Well I mean, it probably is a thing, but I'm not the moooost involved in aro or ace-spec circles online? I used to be more active in them, although never too immersed because back when I would go to blogs and pages and all that to feel affirmed, I didn't wanna be chased by the exclusionists since that was the height of Tumblr ace discourse.

And nowadays I'm just not as online as I used to be. Sometimes I see posts from other aros coming on my dash that reference an inter-community discourse that I'm just not aware of and not necessarily interested in forming a stance on? I could name examples but I kinda don't want to since I don't wanna offend anyone or invite those discussions I'm admittedly ignorant of to begin with.

I guess certain spaces on the internet are just aromantic culture to me. I don't overly personalize the things I like to be aro (unless I make them of course). Perhaps certain works of art that other people make, particularly other women when they're defying heteronormativity. For me my identity as a woman is inseparable from my aromantic experience but I also feel like... well, a shit ton of the aro people *I know* (I don't know the hard numbers on this, if there are even surveys) are nonbinary, so. My aro culture doesn't speak for everyone. Idk. This is a fascinating question and I feel like I could get lost in a million tangents about just what it means to be this or that thing. I guess aro culture to me bleeds everywhere but never shows itself solidly. We're all aro in an amatonormative culture, aren't we?

How long have you known you are aro?

Six years, as a matter of fact. Around the time I started my senior year of high school and I was overall in a very bad place, feeling how transitory my current life was but not being able to see anything in the future. It also felt like a lot had been behind me since, well, when you're 17, you're not grown up for sure but you really don't feel like a kid anymore either. I reflected on a lot of my "romantic" experiences and how I came out of them, and some things just didn't add up anymore like I thought they once did.

Sometimes I still have internal doubts because I'm like "am I really aro if—" (you know how it is) but I've always kind of known since I first accepted it that there's really nothing else I *could* be, in this lifetime anyway. But yeah, even as I have known for a relatively long time now (I just realized that's most of the time I've had this blog lol) I think my feelings about my aro identity have moved around a lot. Life experience certainly is something that happens and happens even more to you when you age beyond high school, and I am not perceived or treated in anything like I was back then.

I know I already answered that question with the first paragraph, but I just had to elaborate, because of course I would. :^)

send me aromantic asks

[transpeculativefiction]

I will actually clarify that the reason I made these options specifically is because I was interested in the ratio of mlm vs wlw.

I was expecting a lot more wlw (which does appear to be the case so far).

Just wanted to clarify because I wouldn't think this would be a great way of surveying queer/ lgbtqia+ ppl in general :)

So I started out wanting to ask about if ppl were wlw or mlm.

And then I needed an option for both (to clarify some people for various reasons consider themselves both mlm and wlw. I'm not asking about bisexuals).

And then I wanted to see of the proportion of people left who ID's as part of the lgbtqia+ community and who doesn't. And I always add a none of the above option.

I actually would be interested in a poll asking about m-spec ppl though - somehow I suspect a lot of us are bi.

Also when writing the options I wasn't thinking about aro ppl and ppl who use the SAM. (which I should have been bc I am aro) But I personally consider sexual attraction covered under the "l" in mlm/wlw. So vote however you're comfortable but if it helps I wasn't thinking of wlw/mlm as referring only to romantic attraction.

hello ted lasso fandom

i know we joke that all the ted lasso fans on tumblr are gay but I am interested to see some numbers! so I wanna conduct a little unofficial community survey :)

pls reblog for sample size!

[juiceastronaut]

(I'm neither aro nor ace so if I overstep pls let me know, I don't mean to attack anyone with this just pointing out some use of terminology here)

In light of Jaidens coming out video (which I'm super proud for her and could tell that wasn't easy!) I was looking thru ppl talking about it. And I saw the word "representation" thrown around a lot. And saying that they got Lilith in the time span which is means to celebrate. (Like people reference both her and Lilith in the posts at the same time)

And it's great that people are seeing themselves more in the things they watch! Not saying it's a bad thing at all, and it's a good thing people are seeing more people like them in the world (I haven't seen the Lilith episodes so hopefully this isn't word of god but not the point). Which normalizes it.

But what does bother me is to take a real, living and breathing person coming out to their fanbase and calling it "representation" and putting it in the same vein as a *fictional* character being said identify. Saying that you're being "fed" by her being such and such identify.

JaidenAnimations is not "representation." She is a real person who made a discovery about herself and made the incredibly personal decision to share that in the hopes to try to educate others about what being aroace means when they might not have previously.

It's okay to relate and feel seen by the video! That's not what I'm talking about. It's reducing her to being content that one consumes, and a new checkmark to be crossed off that has bothered me about this. It's unfair to her experiences to put her in the same category as fictional people. To reduce her down to a fictional character when she's not.

Support her like the real life person that she is and not throw her in the same pile as you would characters that also fill those same traits

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Should be studying but meh. About the Renesme and E.J forgive me for this ask. Lets say Belle has twins. Cool. Lets say the twins think twincest is not that bad. Will the Cullens be shocked or pretend this is not real?

I say this bc I can see her prefering to date her twin then Jacob.

Asker is referring to this post.

I just like the prelude to this.

Bella has twins.

Alright.

Now the twins are incestuous. Go!

Just, okay, we're going straight for it. Skipping past all the worlds where they might not be incesutous and going straight for it.

I mean, to be fair, these two grow up in a shoebox where people adore them while simulatenously paying no attention to them whatsoever. The "incestuous relationships are wrong" might genuinely never be conveyed to them.

Will the Cullens be Shocked or Pretend it's Not Real

They won't even notice.

Per canon Renesmee, for the vast majority of the Cullens, is little more than a prop. Granted, she's only three months old at the time, isn't having very interesting conversations, and a lot of shit is going on but her mother and father treat her like a doll and put her in their Marie Antoinette sex cottage, Alice dresses her like a doll and is otherwise annoyed her gift gets blocked, Rosalie sees her as the child she never got to have, and Jacob isn't even a person anymore.

I can't imagine it'd be any different with a brother. The difference being that, at the very least, they'd have each other.

I imagine the Cullens wouldn't notice or, if they see signs, tell themselves they must be seeing things. Because... no.

As it is, I'm sure they share the same over decorated room in Bella and Edward's sex cottage and probably are sharing a bed. Bella and Edward don't find this weird as they find nothing in canon weird.

No, the one I'd worry about is Jacob.

Alright, What About Jacob?

Jacob probably kills Edward Jacob.

Edward Jacob is not an imprint and he's in the way. He likely doesn't have Renesmee's gift (perhaps not any gift with which to protect himself or his sister), and he alone stands as the biggest obstacle between Jacob and Renesmee.

With Edward Jacob in the picture, Jacob will never be the first priority. I highly doubt that's allowed.

Edward Jacob will be lured out on his own, unprotected, and murdered in the woods with Jacob blaming the Volturi. Or, perhaps, if Renesmee refuses to leave him then Renesmee witnesses the murder of her brother and Jacob still blames the Volturi and is horrified to see that no one in her family believes her when she claims it was actually Jacob.

(Well, half the family might, but Edward and Bella certainly will not.)

Renesmee then is probably set down the path of murdering Jacob if not Edward as well. If the Volturi can murder her brother why can't they murder Jacob and her father as well?

Aro then gets blamed for all the murders he didn't commit.

WHAT?! BUT THAT'S SO DEPRESSING

Alright, if Edward Jacob has a phenomenally strong gift (possible with Bella's genes in the mix) then I imagine after Jacob's failed murder attempt, they probably murder him in self-defense and tell the family that Jacob went out for cigarettes.

Bella implodes and they live knowing they've emotionally wrecked their mother who still thinks Jacob Black was a great man.

[necros-writing-stuff]

How do you know you're aromantic? How do I differentiate between sexual attraction and romantic attraction? You don't have to answer. I just want to know if I can be considered aromantic or not😅

There's a few ways to figure it out depending on what works for you! I learned after just... never feeling comfortable in relationships. It took a while for it to click with me lol, only figured it out this year.

The first step is to define the differences in platonic love and romantic love, rather than sexual vs romantic. Now, while platonic is often used to refer to both friendships and familial relationships, in this example I'm solely speaking about friends. Physical intimacy (not just sexual, but including it or excluding for my ace people), emotional closeness, and doing activities together are all acts that overlap between platonic and romantic relationships.

Where these two differ is in expectations. You wish to share your life with that other person. This can mean marriage, kids, living together, shared finances, intermingling with each others friends and family. Once you start doing these things, you're seen as a duo. An aro person may look at these things and think they're pretty icky, or just plain not right for them. Some aro people may still want kids, or a long-term living partner, but not the romance that societely comes with said things. They don't want to be seen as part of a duo (or more if you're poly).

Friends may have sex. Friends may go for meals together. Hell, two friends could have kids or get married. But when you do these things with a romantic partner, there is an intimacy that is different. Not more or less important, but different. That is, for those that experience romantic attraction.

Many people use the example of aromantic people simply feeling more comfortable with no relationships because they want to sleep with more people without those expectations. Personally, I would be comfortable with a monogamous relationship - it would just be more distant than a classical relationship that would appear as more of a friends with benefits style. You do your thing, I'll do mine, we can hang out and fuck whenever we feel like it, and when we hang out without sex there's no expectation of holding hands or saying "I love you."

An aro person in a monogamous relationship will need to be more communicative about their boundaries and goddamn militant in making sure they're kept up to stay comfortable - especially with someone who isn't aro. They may deeply love the person (platonically), but they don't want that level of commitment you see between romantic couples. It can be exhausting, so a lot of aro people will stay single.

Could an aro person still feel jealousy? Of course! People feel jealous when their friends seem to prioritise other relationships in times when there appear to be no factors in the way of closeness all of the time. It's just once again, different to the jealousy of a romantic couple.

Romance and the expectations around it can also be defined not just by the aro person, but by their upbringing and culture, so it's wise to look at what you consider to be romantic, what your culture views as romantic, and see what your response to it is. If it's apathy to the point of wanting little to do with it or disgust, I'd suggest that you may be on the aro scale.

I'm personally repulsed by romance, hence why I only write fluff on occasion and stick to smut. Many are fine with romance around them, but not for themselves. I might add that fictional romance is mostly fine too me, unless it's tooth-rottingly sweet.

Hope this helped!

[oblivious-aro]

I don't think I realized how helpful JaidenAnimations 'not straight' video was for me at the time. I might be wrong, but I don't think I was fully comfortable using the term 'aromantic' to describe myself before I saw it.

I mean, I had the feelings figured out. I knew I didn't feel sexual or romantic attraction, but actually using the terms 'aromatic' and 'asexual' felt so wrong for me at first.

Like, I figured out the no sexual attraction part, and eventually warmed up to the term 'asexual', but that at first I phrased it as "I don't feel sexual attraction (side note: this all happened in my head, I never talked to anyone about any of this ever. Still don't). I knew that that was was asexual meant, but for some reason I didn't feel comfortable using that word right away.

I started figuring out I didn't feel romantic atrraction a few months (I don't know how many, maybe 1 or 2 maybe more) after I became comfortable with the term ace for myself. I did the same thing where I referred to it as "I don't feel romantic attraction" but didn't feel at all comfortable with 'aromantic', despite knowing that that's what that meant.

Again, I'm not 100% sure if I started feeling comfortable with the term 'aromantic' before Jaiden's video came out, but I definately felt a boost in my security with using the terms 'aro' and 'ace' after seeing it. Seeing someone like me who felt so sure of themselves really helped ease a lot of the hesitancy I'd been having.

I didn't magically become 100% confident (to this day I still worry people will just think I'm being attention-grabby when I say the terms out loud) but Jaiden's video made the words feel more right and inspired me to look into the aro ace online community (especially the aro one).

Yeah, I'm only just realizing what that video did for me. I wonder what would have happened if it'd come out when I was still in my aro ace egg (when I was still oblivious, lol). Interesting alternate time line, but I'm glad it came out when it did in this time line.

That being said, I wonder how many teenagers who assume they're totally straight will see that video and have their minds blown. I wonder how many disastrous futile attempts at romance she's prevented. How much confusion she's cleared.

I guess what I'm trying to say is representation matters. Asexual and aromantic identities are still relatively fringe (especially aromantic), so it was really good for me to see someone so well known and cool talk about having some of the same experiences I've had.