#i scared one of my friends with my insanity rant yesterday at like midnight

[zack-is-silly]

I have got to stop being so fucking insane

[crimsun-n-clover]

i REALLY need a name for new girl now because shits getting interesting

fuck one sec

google said dalia so dalia it is

mildly pretentious vibes but pretty and charming nonetheless?? yeah that will do

anyway i might have a chance

like. a sliver of a chance. i think she might’ve been referring to me with a recent story post

it’s literally SO pathetic but i’ve been keeping track of things she says on her story to get to know her better or like start conversations and shit.

like yesterday she posted a bunch of photos from a shoot she did and she was wearing these bigass platform boots and as a professional on bigass platform boots we talked about it for a bit, exchanging stories about being the “weird kid with the boots” at school

whenever she posts a worrying note or something sad on her story i like to check in with her. even if i’m at maggie’s house babysitting. doesn’t fuckin matter, i’ll keep an eye on the two of our kids who came over (cat and daisy) AND text dalia.

i love talking to her. even though i’m scared of her. it’s been a long time since i’ve been scared of someone in a good way

so today dalia posted on her story one of those like. things? where it’s like. a prompt and you can click it and put the prompt on your own story as like a reply but also as its own thing. anyway. the prompt was “you” and she posted a mirror picture of some really fucking cool butterfly eyeliner she did and i spent AGES looking for a good photo of myself that i haven’t posted recently or didn’t have one of the kids in it but i found an old one maggie took of me shoved into a closet. i was wearing an outfit that was like. tacky and 2014 tumblr but also cool and tastefully slutty at the same time. black turtleneck, leather pants, high waisted skirt with my bigass glasses i wear every day. i was smiling real big because i had just been shoved into the closet to hide me from someone because i was doing sneaky shit.

she likes it almost immediately. and four minutes after i post it, she posts on her close friends. one of those facebook memes. it says “really wanna make out with one of y’all not saying who tho”

bro i’m gonna DIE

i’ve felt insane this whole time like. there’s no way. she’s so out of my league and lives out of the fucking country and NOW? maybe i have BARELY a chance instead of no chance. maybe it’s not in reference to me but it’s sketchy as hell.

and i liked the story. because WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DOOOO

i swear to GOD dude. i was telling mickey JUST THIS MORNING about how into this girl i am. left out the part where i dreamt about her last night but that’s more of a self preservation thing. mickey is already so desperate to find dalias account and that would make her worse.

i just texted her a whole rant. with screenshots. with the username cropped out. obviously.

and it led to this fucking conversation

this fuckin kid kept going after this. i’m an interactive reality show to her.

i just had to stop writing this to go try not to yack my fucking guts up and procrastinate thinking about her by doing my SKINCARE ROUTINE. which is something that i guess i do now, if only to avoid things. poor little pea sized non habit making adhd brain is in SHOCK right now.

i’m gonna like. cook something i guess. it’s almost midnight i need a task goodbye

[dirtycrawfish337]

1-99

1. 6 songs I listen to most? Currently it's been lick by cardi b, rainbow and praying by kesha, grown ass kid by chance, big b's by young thug n chance, and like all of sza's album bc I'm still obsessed w it??2. If I could meet anyone who would it be?Oh no there are so many angels I wanna meet I can't even pick one3. Find book nearest to me pg 23, line 17?I'm sorry I'm in bed n not in reaching distance of one lmao4. What do you think about most?Probably my future5. Latest text from someone else?"WHAT"6. Sleep w or w/o clothes?Depends on how I'm feeling tbh7. Strangest talent?Turning trauma into biting sarcasm lmfao8. Girls? Boys?Girls? AMAZING Boys? Also amazing, but y'all loud lol9. Ever had a poem or song or written about me?I know of 2 poems written ab me10. Last time I played air guitar?Not sure11. Any strange phobias?Clowns and like slimy food?? Idk if those are strange but ik they make me cringe12. Ever stuck a foreign object up my nose?No, I was an advanced toddler13. Religion?Nothing concrete currently but I'm very interested in Buddhism14. If outside, what are you most likely doing?Either w friends or my dog15. Prefer to be behind the camera or in front?Behind16. Favorite band?Florence + the machine17. Last lie you told?I'm waking up at 718. Believe in karma?Definitely19. URL meaning?Lol one of my old friends came up w it and it's basically just ab loving where I'm from I guess20. Greatness weakness/strength?Taking care of everyone else before me lol21. Celebrity crush?TOO MANY22. Ever gone skinny dipping?No23. How do I vent my anger?I usually just needa rant for like 20 min straight then I don't care lol24. Own a collection?I probably have an unreasonable amount of things associated w marching band in my room25. Talking on the phone or online video chatting?Talking on the phone26. Happy w the person you've become?She's def still learning but so much better than where she used to be so yes 27. Sound I hate/love?Any type of metal scratching against another metal and I love hearing dogs run up to me28. Biggest what if?I guess if I had moved away for college? How different I may be rn? All the different ppl who may be in my life rn? 29. Believe in ghosts/aliens?Yes30. Stick your right arm out, what do you touch? Left?Right: My bedside fan. Left: The wall31. What do you smell in the air?Coffee32. Worst place I've ever been to?Probably a court house33. East or west coast?West for the culture34. Most attractive singer of opposite sex?Let's go w either miguel or frank ocean35. Meaning of life in your opinion?Doing what makes you happy for as long as you can while you're here bc at the end of it that's what you'll want, knowing you found peace and happiness for/within yourself, in my opinion36. Define artYour own creativity that makes your soul just feel right ya know? And it comes in all different forms37. Believe in luck?Eh, somewhat38. What's the weather like rn?Hot n sunny39. Time?7:54 AM40. Drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Yes and yes41. Last book you read?Not sure which one but I'm almost positive it was Mary Higgins Clark and if not it was a text book lol42. Like the smell of gasoline?Not at all43. Have any nicknames?Aimster by my parents and a few friends lol44. Last film you saw?To the bone (should prolly finish it)45. Worst injury?I've had a few bad scrapes n cuts nothing really major unless a few bad illnesses count46. Ever caught a butterfly?No but I need one to catch me47. Any obsessions rn?Just coming off of an obsession w the show ozark48. Sexual orientation?Bisexual49. Ever had a rumor spread about you?Many lol50. Believe in magic?Somewhat51. Tend to hold grudges?No I find it best to let that hurt GO52. Astrological sign?Pisces53. Save money or spend it?I wanna say save but my bank account know I'm lying54. Last thing I purchased?Soup, crackers, ice cream, n candy bars (im sick lol)55. Love or lust?Yikes that's a tough one. Both are very good but can be dangerous56. In a relationship?No57. How many relationships have you had?Real ones? Just one. I had at least 4 situationships we're just not gonna talk about lol58. Can you touch your nose w your tongue?I actually can't lol59. Where were you yesterday?The doctor, a pharmacy, popeyes, a store, and my bed mostly60. Anything pink within 10 ft of me?Yah my phone charger61. Wearing socks?Not rn62. Favorite animal?SHARKS 63. Secret weapon to get someone to like you????? Let u know when I find it??64. Where is your best friend?Prolly sleeping65. Top 5 blogs on here?I'm not sure of all of them but def check pelvicthruster and my-secret-life-as-ren for some bomb ones66. My heritage?Black??67. What was I doing at midnight last night?What I do best, sleeping68. What do you think is Satan's last name?Idk omg69. Biggest turn ons?Pretty teeth!! Being nice to me!! Slow kissing!! Neck kisses!! 70. Are you the friend of a friend you'd hope to have?Hopefully, I consider myself a pretty good friend71. There's a dog drowning on my way to work but if I'm late again I'll be fired, what do I do?Save the dog and get away from a heartless boss if they fire me after that tf??72. If given one month to live would I tell anyone n everyone, what would I do w my remaining days, and would I be afraid?Probably only close friends and family, I would want to travel any and everywhere until I couldn't anymore, and I'd be scared of all the unanswered questions ab death but I think I would have to sooner rather than later accept that I can't change what's happening and just live out my fullest life73. Can either have trust or love? Which one?Trust. In my opinion love can't exist w/o trust so74. A song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Too many omg I just rly love music75. Last 4 digits of my number?4061??76. What makes a great relationship?Trust, honesty, attraction, healthy actions from both partners, and NEVER stop doing the little things. So many relationships go to shit bc one or both stopped cherishing the other person in the relationship77. How can I win your heart?Animals!! Good music!! Genuine company!!78. Can insanity bring on more creativity?I think it can in theory, but it doesn't mean you have to be some kind of mad scientist or in an unhealthy mindset to have creativity79. Single best decision I've made in my life?Letting go of people who are no longer good for me or vice versa. Holding onto that hurt does nothing but drag you down80. What do you want written on your tombstone?I actually have a thing w quotes, meaning I have so many I LOVE, I wouldn't even know where to start81. Shoe size?10 (Switch 80 and 81 I mixed up the numbers)82. Favorite word?TOO MANY83. First thing that comes to mind hearing the word heart?Passion84. A saying you say a lot?"It be like that" (probably what's gonna actually end up on my tombstone)85. Last song I listened to?I think it was caretaker by dram and sza86. Favorite color(s)?Blue and gray87. Current desktop picture?I don't have a computer anymore so :/88. If you could press a button, making anyone explode, who would it be?There's a lotta ignorance I wanna get rid of in this world but I don't even think I could explode anyone lol89. A question you'd be scared to tell the truth on?And expose myself..I think not lmao90. Turn offs?I really don't line unnecessarily rude/mean people or anyone who speaks to you as if they're superior91. If I ate a vegetable that gave me superpowers what would it be?Hopefully mental stability tbh92. Where are your parents from?My dad's from Vackaville, California and my mom's from Abbeville, Louisiana93. If I could erase any horrible experience from my past what would it be?I could definitely get rid of a lot of painful things but I feel like I could also be a drastically different person94. Opportunity to sleep w a music celebrity of my choice, who('