#i say whatever hes got going on. i know. i havent played/watched royal but i know

[lesbovalentine]

i already have a post about this with drawings but please let me explain again.

jack-o’ dearest is a copy of a dead woman essentially created using that womans memories to eventually serve as a new body/container for her soul.

xion was created as a failsafe, as a copy of a guy who sort of subconsciously modeled herself in a very transgender way not on him but on his memories of a girl important to him.

konoha was created when a boy died and was given a second chance at life but refused it and so his body was taken by the power that could’ve been his and it grew a life of it’s own which is then pretty consistently used or hijacked by the antagonist.

me when characters are some sort of copy or remnant to someone gone (at least in xions case in latter days when she has to make her Choice to bring back sora) and are used as a kind of puppet due to the nature of their existence and. and they’re transgender about it.

love this type of creature. the [DATA EXPUNGED]

[sigmabateman]

thank you so much @velvetcrowbar444 for tagging me to talk about 5 things im obsessed with at the moment!!

this got longer than i anticipated so im putting it under the cut, but for simplicity's sake i'll tag people up here: @nights-decay, @boycentriccplot, @flaming-tsunami, @sourgelatin no pressure though of course!

persona 5... ok i have to be honest ive been really reluctant to talk about this on here and its why ive been quiet the past at least week or so. no idea why. i guess cause its so different from the stuff i usually post about that i feel like, embarrassed? but i started playing persona 5 royal around may and really liked it but i didnt have the time to properly get into it until now and it has completely taken over my life entirely without me even realising. to be honest i could obsess over like a rock on the ground if i saw it at the right time in my life but hands down persona 5 is one the best if not the best game ive ever played in my life. the story is engaging, the characters are distinctive and realistic and i really really care about all of them, the gameplay is so much fun and combat is buttery fucking smooth like nothing ive ever played before, the music is top tier and what got me interested in the game in the first place, and the ART DIRECTION. it speaks for itself to be honest ESPECIALLY compared to the older games. i was shocked starting persona 4 because of how different it is to persona 5 like, persona 5 has SUCH a distinct visual identity as well as tone, themes, imagery etc it is all just so stunning and perfect and i want to live in it. but i think about it so often like literally 24/7 that i may as well be. i <3 persona 5 and i <3 YUSUKE KITAGAWA. he's definitely my favourite character and he came out of NOWHERE but hes actually everything in the world to me. one of the characters ever.

persona 4 is it a copout to say that? i did try and condense both games into one bullet point but 1. they're such a mainstay in my life right now i was struggling to think of more points and 2. it kind of lost its precision and didn't effectively convey just how personapilled i am right now. i originally wasn't gonna play 4, all i knew is that it was more difficult and less good so i thought i should stay away. but if you go anywhere persona-related on the internet (which i would warn against, the fandom is a fucking cesspit the likes of which i havent seen in a long time as an obscure-shit-enjoyer) you'll quickly run into adachi. and as a lover of men with high-pitched voices and sexypedia entries... i couldn't stay away. before even starting the game i had made a d6 and d20 with different adachis on each face so really it was just a matter of time. and you know what... it's not that bad. the graphics were a SHOCKING step down but i find the low(er) poly style really charming. the adachi model is too cute T_T whenever i see it in the game world i just wanna sit with it for ages. i wonder if i could get it like 3d printed so i could keep him on my desk with me at all times... its bad for me ! the combat is fucking clunky espeically compared to 5 and i kind of hate it but that just makes it more rewarding when i can finally stop LOL. some of the characters (especially the main few (yosuke, chie, yukiko)) took a bit to grow on me but its kind of sweet.. its like authentic.. our relationship is growing as i get to know them better... but dojima and nanako ive loved since i first set eyes on them. too cute. it makes me feel so fatherless. its like.. a lot more magnetic than i expected it to be. i love it even with all its flaws. i saw a meme about it being like twin peaks and thats kind of so real. and you know i love a murder mystery... so yeah tldr i like persona now. but its hard to talk about it on here because it is such a big fandom but not like an active one like spiderman or like good omens or whatever slightly more normal people are watching so its kind of intimidating. maybe ill get over myself, maybe ill go silent for 3 months until i get into something new. we'll see i guess LOL

my gender identity TUMBLR MOMENT I KNOW but i dont know.. ive had a lot of time to myself recently and its kind of brought things to the surface that i just didnt have time or space to think about before. turns out there was a LOT OF STUFF i was repressing without even knowing. like that tweet 'im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idrc about that rn'. i posted on instagram "gender around cis people: boy, gender around trans people: girlboy, gender by myself: computer program" and that kind of sums it up i think. can i coin like.. complicatedgender. where your answer to the question "whats your gender?" is "it's complicated..." cause thats me. its just COMPLICATED okay!!!! but my pronouns havent changed or anything so its chilllllll

going to bed at a reasonable time. i phrased that like a joke answer but its true. i downloaded pokemon sleep and now i go to bed at 11:30pm cause at 11 i get a notification saying my pokemon are sleepy and shit i gotta take care of my pokemon!! i dont even know if its doing me any good to be honest like i dont feel much better when i wake up but making myself get into bed and shut my eyes means more thinking time and to be honest my favourite activity is thinking. even if as silly as it sounds i never give myself time to do it. its playing a weirdly big role in my life rn so yeah id say im obsessed with it!!!

this asmr video. im secretly always posting about asmr so really i could just say that, but like, ASMR | The Mortician (No Talking – You're Dead) specifically is such a mainstay i can feel its influence seeping into my life like an infection. this video would actually show up in my recommended for YEARS but i never watched it. gave me a major ick for some reason. but then i got into this guys stuff and saw it again and thought id give it a go and now its like an extra limb. fuck my 3rd bullet point, this is my gender identity. i could not articulate in words what it is about the mortician that i love so much, but i really really do. i am certifiably obsessed. cant believe i made it through this whole thing without mentioning alex. but there you are. yay this was fun :D

[admiringsaeran]

saeran head cannons!!! (saeyoung is in here too!)

• saeran helped jumin realize (after his ae) that V is a good person who just wants the best for the rfa! he also lets him know that V just screwed up big time but he just wanted the best for rika, saeyoung and saeran at the end of the day. after saeran helps jumin with his thoughts about V saeran is basically his new bff and jumin invites saeran over for wine almost every saturday and saeran even talks jumin into giving jaehee a break!!! (cause we all know she needs one +_+)

• yall go on ice cream dates and saeyoung almost always joins yall (you better not mind after everything those two have been through 😒 /lh) and you guys get strawberry ice cream together!!!! 😞

• when yall go to a amusement park for the first time he doesnt know what he is signing up for. deadass you will be freaking out and he'll be like "it wont be that bad 😁" but on the actual ride hes the first one screaming about how he loves you while holding on to your arm screaming his lungs out while saeyoung is behind yall laughing

• he wakes you up by kissing all over your face!!!! he'll kiss your cheek, forehead, chin, eye lids,,,,,basically anything he can lay his lips on. and when you wake up he kisses you on your lips and asks you about your dream, if you didnt have one he will tell you about his dream!!! (he does it regardless but when you dont have a dream baby goes alllllll out!!)

• he definitely sings and or hums you to sleep!! (i mean he literally does it in his route) and if you ask he will tell you a story, he will tell the weirdest of stories but like at the same time mans will go all out.

• he LOVES when you hold his face like he will drop everything hes doing and just stare at you like 😮

• HE ALSO LOVES HEADPATS,,,,,pat this mans head and he will do whatever you want (i mean he would do anything for you either way BUT STILL)

• saeran and saeyoung havent watched any disney movies growing up for obvious reasons, so it would be up to you to change that. im talking cuddling up with saeran while saeyoung cuddle ups with saeran and just watching tangled or frozen together.

• on the topic of disney movies EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. the brothers watch frozen they cry, STRAIGHT UP SOB. both of them would be a wreck after that movie so you would have to comfort saeran AND saeyoung lmao 😩🙌

• saeran would play roblox for the first time and would be sad abt them not having his hair and saeyoung would deadass hack the game and give it to him for free 🙌

• on the subject of roblox he would like childish games on there like the completely normal elevator game, royal high or meep city and would force you and saeyoung to play with him.

• i also feels like hes terrified of dogs, not in a "AHHH A DOG" type way but more of a "does this dog hate me????" type of way, and if your dog bites (if you even have one lol) he will immediately think your dog hates his guts and would be sad for the next week. so because of that he prefers cats!!!! plus he loves how he can cuddle cats and just lay down with them (and you) and chill!

• he would be so scared to propose to you!!! vanderwood, saeyoung, and zen would have to basically BULLY him into proposing. i feel like he would be more afraid of you feeling obligated to say yes, feeling bad for saying no or being uncomfortable with the whole idea. so he would be too scared to ask on your behalf, he really just wants you to be happy.

• you guys will definitely be living with saeyoung!! but i feel like when your relationship gets to the next point you two will move out. saeyoung would totally understand though!!! just like saeran he wants nothing but happiness for his brother and you <33

• he would have a big garden filled with flowers and he would have a youtube channel where he talked about what the flowers name is and what the meaning behind the flower is, how to plant it etc. etc.

• saeran CANT swim like at all because of his past he never rlly got the opportunity to learn so you will have to teach this man how to swim. hes like so fucking lanky and awkward so its hard for him to even stay afloat in the water. (hes like a noodle 😩) but let me tell you this. IF YOU ALMOST DROWN HE WILL JUMP IN THE WATER SO FUCKING FAST,,,, MAN WILL SWIM LIKE HES BEEN SWIMMING HIS WHOLE LIFE PLS, after that happens yall will not be going to the pool anytime soon

[pit-and-the-pen]

Chapter 4

 Just a short chapter to kick off my ideas for this series! Hope you enjoy! 

        A knock on Fred’s door interrupted him from a rather pleasant dream, the smell of apples faintly being chased away as he stirred awake. “Go away” He grumbled as loudly as he could muster before pulling a spare pillow over his head and rolling over onto his stomach. 

       “You’re late for training.” George calls from the other side of the door. Fred just groaned loudly and swore. He’d never hear the end of this from the guys. Trudging out of bed, he threw on whatever clothes he touched first. Deciding he could put together a better outfit later. His training gear would cover it anyways. 

     Walking out of the door, George whistles lowley when Fred passes him. A cup of warm coffee was shoved into his hands by George. Fred’s not normally a coffee drinker, but grimaces and downs the small cup anyways.  “Boy, you would think you stayed up the whole night.” George laughed at Fred’s disheveled appearance. “She even got you home at a reasonable time and everything.” He laughs a little louder at the slightly starstruck look that takes over his brother's face at the mention of last night. He claps his brother over the shoulder.  “Look at you, losing sleep over a pretty face.” 

Fred winds up to argue back before George holds his hands up. “Mate, it’s a good look on you. Well not right now obviously but overall.” George winks at his brother as they start to walk down the pathway outside to the training arena. “I haven’t seen you that lively since Bill was crowned.” Fred really wants to argue but he can’t, he knows he became a stiff the moment he became next in line. 

He remembers how him and George used to run rampant through the castle, pulling as many pranks as they possibly could. Minerva or even their mother yelling after them. The thought brings a smile to Fred’s face. How much of a simpler time that was. Back before they were looking face down at a war. Before his father’s problems we’re thrown into his lap because, in all reality, Bill wants nothing to do with them. The same way that Charlie had wriggled out under the guise of helping peace relations in Romania. The same way that Percy left the weight on Fred’s shoulders by being a royal face on the front and getting so good at raising morale that they decided to keep him exactly where he was. 

Plus, as much as everyone loved Percy, he cared too much about how he was perceived to make a great king. He would be too powerful in the wrong hands and the family had its fair share of people that would take full advantage of that fact before the crown even touched his head. He. realized he had been silent for a little too long and just sighed. 

“Sorry George. I know I’m no fun anymore.” His brother nudged him in the ribs.

“Whoever said you were fun in the first place eh?” George said in such a serious tone it made Fred pause. He saw the look on his brother's face and realized the joke had gone right over his head. I really do need to lighten up. He thought to himself and chuckled at his brother. 

Running a hand through his hair a small pang of sadness hits him harder than he thought it would’ve. He’s really just lost so much of himself by the prospect of being king someday. And he really knows it’s just a matter of time. The entire family is waiting with baited breath for Bill to finally run off with Fleur. They keep getting closer every day and it’s only a matter of time until the couple run off to the hills of France. Fred mentally curses at the thought. Bill isn’t doing it to be selfish, he knows that but Fred will be damned if he lets George suffer through everything he’s going through. If it becomes Fred’s turn he’s bringing them through a war and he’s never been more terrified at that idea.

 Fred walks down to the arena in a bit of haze. His thoughts run all over the place. Worse case scenario, one after the other, plays in his mind. How they don’t have enough bodies to fight a war. About how everyone will hate him when he has to draft. The kingdom falling because Fred couldn’t make the important calls at the right time. It’s enough to make him wish that he had stayed in bed. 

Before he realizes it, he’s stepping onto the gravel rink of the training arena. Trying to clear his head with a small shake, he realizes he can spiral later. Right now, he’s doing what he can. Everything else for now can wait. This is what he needs to do to play his part. Keep an eye out for who has leadership potential. 

With the Triwizard tournament coming up, currently being worked up and finalized as he stands here, he needs to keep a clear head. Does he think that right now is not the time for all the usual pageantry? Of course, but for now, it’s not his call to make and he’s grateful for that. He just falls in line and takes his orders when they are given. George gives him a firm pat on his back as he takes his usual spot on the bleachers, pulling out a large book and a quill. Ready to take notes down to report back to Bill. As he expected, there are a few lears and teases about his tardiness, comments he brushes off with a shrug. A few comments on seeing him with someone last night and he quickly shuts down that line of thinking. 

He pairs the men off into their small sparing groups. Deciding that he didn’t trust his own reflexes today, he informs them he wants to work on non-wand fighting. 

“Why would we do that when we have wands?” A voice calls out from the crowd. He sighs heavily. Of course these knob heads would think that. 

“What are you going to do if your wand gets lost, or heaven forbid, were to break in the middle of a fight?” He squints at the man that questioned him. “Are you going to run in the middle of a fight because of that? No. That’s why this is just as an important skill as dueling.” Fred pats the longsword currently resting on his hip. A few people from the crowd chuckle. They just assume it’s for show. He notices a few of the men looking behind him as he’s speaking. He sends a glance over his shoulder and he wants to curse from the sight in front of him. None other than Draco Malfoy. Loud and proud, standing like he owns the damn place. 

He bites back the eye roll and gestures to his men. “Work amongst yourselves for a moment.” He looks at the defiant faces. “With wands if it’s that damn important to you.” He says dismissively but with a tone that says this isn’t the last of that conversation. 

The relationship with the Malfoy family and the Royal family is rocky to say the least. They were part of the group that broke off and tried to become important in the Dark Lord's personal court, before it crumbled, of course. They were also some of the loudest opponents for the Weasley family to become the ruling family and decided to let that little detail fuel every one of their actions for the last fifty years. They did all of this while trying to worm their way into the most powerful positions. Much to Fred’s displeasure to admit, Lucius had managed to redeem himself quite well and from that Draco grew up just as good as a prince would have. 

“To what do I owe the displeasure of your presence Draco?” Fred sighed out. Not bother to care about diplomacy. There was something about the boy that just made his blood boil, too many smart comments aimed at his fathers competency when they were in school together he reckons. Malfoy just scoffs, pointing his head high in the air as he always does. 

“I was sent from the castle to come and get you. Important meeting apparently.” His voice full of discontent, obviously not liking being sent to run errands. 

“And why are you even in the kingdom again?” Fred taunts. “Front line too scary for you?” 

Once again Malofy scoffs. “They pulled Potter and I both out last week. That’s all that I know. Sent in replacements and everything.” Draco raises an eyebrow at Fred’s shocked expression. “Do you not even know what’s going on in your own kingdom? I thought they would be filling you in before him at this point.” He laughs and Fred lunges forward. Grabbing the shiny armor that Draco is wearing. Proof of how little he actually had seen of battle. 

“Woah. Not here Freddie” George says, coming to pry Malfoy out of Fred’s grip. Fred looks back at the group of men currently inspecting every detail of this interaction. 

“Better watch that temper, your majesty.” Malfoy spits out before Fred lets him go, giving him a large shove to get some distance between the two of them. He watches with a small smirk as the blond stumbles back and takes a second to regain his footing.

 Fred turns to the crowd, not even bothering to pretend they haven't just seen the interaction. “Well looks like you have been saved from a boring day.” Fred addresses them. “You’re dismissed but we’re doing double training to make up for this interruption.” He calls and claps his hands, letting everyone know they’re dismissed. 

There are a few groans from among the crowd but after the little show Fred put on no one thinks it smart to try to test his patience at the moment. 

I’ve tried to get this up three times and tumblr has decided to hate me so sorry if the formating is a little off. I tried to fix it but I’m terrible at editing if you havent noticed already.

Taglist: (some wont tag so if you changed urls and still want to be tagged please let me know!) @they-write-once-in-a-while @magical-spit @birdie-writes @ickle-ronniekins @heart-of-tempered-steel @wand3ringr0s3​ @thoseofgreatambition @things-that-start-with-f @elf-punk @bitchywhisperswizard @a-little-too-much @izzytheninja @kpopgirlbtssvt @shadowsinger11 @harrysweasleys 

[gamerwoo]

Seventeen headcanons: Seventeen as Disney Characters’ Kids

a/n: you can thank my cousin forcing me to listen to the descendants soundtrack for this. may or may not do oneshots for these at some point so uh,,,,,,we’ll see

-

Seungcheol, son of Kovu and Kiara

a lot like his parents

is a little infamous because some people still see his dad as “evil” anyway

does whatever he thinks is right even if it’s not traditional

heir to be king and he takes that seriously

honestly he is lowkey trying to prove himself to everyone

hangs out with wonwoo a lot and usually goes to him for advice

also best friends with soonyoung since they’re kind of in the same boat

doesn’t want to be sheltered by his parents even though he has mixed reactions from the public

even if his entire kingdom doesn’t like him, he wants to be a good prince and future king

-

Jeonghan, son of The Cheshire Cat 

sly and sneaky and mischievous lil shit

you don’t think he’s there but he’s there

he hears and sees everything

his favorite thing to do other than nothing is eavesdrop

he’ll be hanging out with his friends and as soon as someone is like “let’s go do this” he disappears without saying anything

often found lounging about with his tail swaying and flicking

typically up to no good but his seemingly sweet face always fools people

but those who know him know he’s typically anything but sweet

whenever he appears, you always see his smirk first

-

Joshua, son of David & Nani

surfer dude

i mean, come on, look who raised him

hangs out with seokmin a lot 

he’ll sit on his surfboard out in the ocean and seok will swim up and rest his arms on the board and they’ll just talk or swim and stuff

he is a little ‘odd’ but his aunt is lilo and he was raised around aliens so can you blame him

but he really just wants to be normal because people have been judging him for his entire life

sometimes he’s a lil judgy just to make himself feel less weird

*insert that gif of him making that face in the going svt episode that everyone uses as a meme now*

but like he also keeps experiment 002 as a ‘pet’ after mrs. hasagawa couldn’t take care of her ‘cats’ anymore

so he still is a lowkey strange boi 

-

Junhui, son of Thomas O’Malley 

smooth as heck

a little goofy but that’s his charm

he comes from one of thomas’s many one-night-stands, so he lived on the street and was only raised by his dad for a long time

when he was brought in to live with duchess and her kids, she treated him like one of her own, and he got along well with her kids

would throw hands for his sister without question

still a flirt like his dad though

but he drinks his respect women juice i promise

usually playing around with his brothers or sometimes going off to help hansol

even though his family is loaded now, he still acts like he’s an alley cat lmao

kinda stays away from jeonghan because he finds him scary

can be found hanging around with soonyoung though

-

Soonyoung, son of Shere Khan

he wants to be a tiger so badly so

despite his dad being kind of yknow an asshole

soonyoung is a huge sweetheart 

some people may think it’s an act or whatever but it’s just how he is

and his dad is trying so hard to get him to be less kind but the boy can’t help his fat heart okay

he hangs out with seungcheol a lot because the two can relate on being misunderstood

soonyoung is basically kovu

came from a shitty family but is just here for a good time

but if you fuck with him he can and will rip your throat out

hangs out with jun quite a bit because he makes him feel more upbeat and kind of grounded i guess???

because he doesn’t want his status or his father’s words getting to his head

honestly highkey worried he’ll become like his dad

-

Wonwoo, son of Milo Thatch & Kida 

literally the perfect mix of his parents

the curiosity and shyness/awkwardness of his dad

mixed with the beauty and grace of his mom

he’s the prince of atlantis since kida became queen after the king died, and everyone absolutely adores him

has girls lining up to marry him but because he’s awkward like milo, he’s not really that interested in getting married anytime soon

hangs out with seungcheol and tries to give him helpful advice

pretty much always reading and learning about other cultures and kingdoms

has never been outside of atlantis and he’s highkey curious about what’s out there

but he’d never sneak out behind his parents’ back because he’s a good boi

-

Jihoon, son of Elsa 

he’s a lot like his mom (from the first frozen i havent even seen the second one ok)

he also has powers like her which he doesn’t use often

even as a child, he preferred learning how to use and control it rather than just use it for fun

but now when he has to go out for royal things, he will sometimes make a little ice rink for the kids or create little flurries and dancing snowmen just to see the children laugh

and if you look at him, you can see the hint of a smile

spends most of his time in his room reading or sleeping because that’s just how he chooses to spend his time

tbh he doesn’t want to be a prince he just wants to do what he wants

but elsa is a single mom and he’s her only heir so he doesn’t want to let her down or stress her out

but if he could just,,,,,,not be a prince, he would love that

-

Seokmin, son of Ariel and Eric

everyone always sayin this boy looks like prince eric anyway so

he’s a mermaid like his mom so he can spend time in the water and on land

often goes ‘surfing’ with joshua but it’s basically josh surfing while seokmin swims in the waves and watches

sometimes he goes to visit wonwoo in atlantis but not often because it’s kind of hard to get to

spends 50% of his time singing whatever song is stuck in his head or just making up his own

he really is more like his mom personality-wise lmao

and of course more like his dad when it comes to looks

likes being on land and in water equally you can’t make him choose one

his best friend (other than josh) is a dolphin that goes on adventures with him and stuff, and an octopus that clings to him like a backpack

-

Mingyu, son of Eugene and Rapunzel 

big clumsy but kind idiot

also does that weird smolder thing like his dad

honestly he’s kind of the perfect mix of his parents

very kind and curious

but he’s not nearly as trusting as his mom

he may be kinda dumb sometimes (he got the braincells from his dad ok) but he makes an excellent prince

he loves his kingdom and his kingdom loves him

he’s got so many suitresses but he put his training to be king first

however he highkey in love with the girl who sells flowers and planters at the market

-

Minghao, son of Cruella De Vil

like his mom, he’s very into fashion

unlike his mom, he prefers to find cruelty free ways of achieving fashion

he actually left home when he was 16 and has nothing to do with her

he’s become an anonymous fashion designer because he knows nobody would give him the time of day if they knew who his mother is

as a designer, he goes by the8

he designs all of seungkwan’s clothes too

he usually just stays inside and works on his clothing because people are mean to him when he goes outside

-

Seungkwan, son of Charlotte La Bouf

just wants to be a prince so heckin bad !!!!

likes to dress up in nice clothes and go out a lot

only wears things designed by minghao though

he’s boujee okay

honestly would give up his prince dream to help minghao make a new name for himself

he wants to be a prince more than anything but his friends and those he loves come first

but seriously can a princess just marry this poor boy already

-

Hansol, son of Robin Hood & Maid Marian

hands down the sweetest boy ever

he’s pretty well off so he typically just gives away his own things

but he will steal from the rich if he has to lmao

pretty much friends with everyone because he’s just so likeable

the only people who don’t like him are rich assholes lmao

may or may not have been arrested a few times but it was for good reasons i swear

sometimes has chan tag along on his adventures to steal from the rich

-

Chan, son of Mulan & Li Shang

he’s not a prince but damn he looks like one

the strongest warrior in his kingdom

his family is also very highly ranked so while he’s not a prince he’s still an important dude in the kingdom

girls swoon over him and men want to be him

can we blame any of them

if he’s not training/practicing, he’s off with hansol 

often donates to the poor but also loves to eat the rich lmao

has also wound up in jail a few times but his parents are fine with it because it’s for a good cause

but if he’s not practicing or with hansol, he’s just fucking up assholes

those are basically his hobbies lmao

[pbandjesse]

I feel like today was a lost day but I know it actually wasnt. It just felt like a weird day. And I just had a guy I used to work with at ships come on my facebook and make me upset. But I unfriended him so whatever. He's just the type to like. Keep going. Like Im half expecting an email from him. Lets home not. 

I slept okay last night. And I woke up around 9 feeling okay. I just laid in bed for a long time playing on my phone. But eventually I did get up and I did make the bed and I did go get a shower and washed my hair. Made me feel a lot better about myself.

I sat with James and he read and then went to go do laundry. Somehow he fills our entire laundry and I have like 4 things in there. I dont understand how he makes so much laundry but he is working in a kitchen so it makes some sense. 

We had a nice morning. I had some of the leftover pizza. But I was unsettled. I changed my outfit like 5 times. I just couldnt get comfortable. James called the bike shop and my bike was ready to pick up. So it was decided we would walk there and then go to the BMA because they had a bunch of goats eating the overgrown hill. A program they have called "Goats on the Slope" incredible. 

It was chilly today. Like surprisingly so. I knew it was going to be a little rainy so I brought a raincoat but I ended up wearing it because I was cold more than anything. But it was a nice walk.

We ran into Mr Will and he said he's going to come by tomorrow to check out a weird thing in our bathroom closet. It wasnt to bad of a walk. I thought we had to go a differnt way but James showed me a secret staircase and we were there quickly. 

We waited outside, as no one is allowed in the shop. There were two other people there. The one got his son's bike quickly. The other was a woman and they came out and said they had bad news, they had realized one of the spokes on her bike wasnt fixed correctly. And she was like oh thank god I thought you were going to say you threw my bike away. That made me laugh. 

My bike was ready though! I havent ridden my bike since basically feburary. So I was a little nervous about my stamina but it ended up being fine. Well not as bad as it could have been.

We left and biked up to the museum. I had to stop once because my breaks were rubbing and I was like fighting my bike. But we sorted it out and that was fine. I did scream at a driver who decided it didnt matter that I had a green light. But soon enough we made it to the park. 

I was very out of breath though. I was overheated and shaking. I was uncomfortable. I had to sit down. 

James took our bikes and I went and sat on the stairs for a few minutes and drank some water. But man. I was uncomfortable. It was scary hyperventilating like that. I do not do well with hills. 

But once I was calmed down We walked over to see the goats. They were very cute. I hope to go back before they leave and I hope they are all eating the brush and having a great time. Only 2 goats were out of their little trailer. But I was glad we still went. 

James still had an hour until he had to be at work. I asked to go down to the bottom of the hill, I wanted to see how much brush the goats needed to eat. And so we did that. We got in a little argument about our ballots. Because I feel overwhelmed by it and I have asked for help but he just keeps telling me to fill it out and that isnt helpful! But finally I just said that this conversation was not helpful and we would table it. I didnt want to be upset. 

We sat on a wall and I enjoyed looking at the park. We talked for a while. And James said we had time to walk him to work if we left then. He would even have time to get a sandwich and a coffee. So off we went. 

It was a nice walk. Long but wasnt bad. I like that part of town. It is amazing to me how different the different neighborhoods are here. Its super redlined and generationally influenced. And Hopkins is a huge influence on the neighborhoods they occupy. And there is a lot of nature is that part of town. 

It was a nice walk. And soon we were in Hampden. I held our bikes while he went in Royal Farms and I people watched for a while. I thought about going to get a thai tea but the idea of going inside a cafe didnt feel good. I dont know why. Maybe next time. 

I said goodbye to James once we got to the restaurant. And off I went. I was happy to bike. I had a podcast. I was in a good mood. 

I followed the jones falls trail and its such a nice little path by the water. It reminds me of penny pack. I ended up parking my bike w Ihen I saw this bridge (James called it Hippy bridge when I texted him about it) that the fence was tore down on and was covered in graffiti. I climbed down the hill and sat on it high above the water. It was neat.  I hope I can get myself to go on more adventures like that. 

I took my time getting home. I stopped at a bench before a big hill. Took my time. Got home in one piece. 

I took a break when I got back here. I was overheated from the biking. But once I cooled down I felt a lot better. I chilled for a while. Laid with sweetP and read. But eventually I decided I wanted to go for a drive. 

I saw hi to Kimberly in the hall. And then drove out to Target. Lots of terrible drivers. It was rush hour I guess but people were just so mad they had to wait and kept trying to go around people? Obnoxious. I just enjoyed the drive. 

I went to target. Enjoyed wandering around. Picked up a few things. Got poptarts that are cinnamon pretzel flavored. So fancy. 

After I finished there I went to the art store to buy spray paint. To paint my bike. But I knew that was going to be a production. 

I had five guys. It was fine. But I have had five guys way to often lately. So I think I will be taking a break from that. But I sat in the car and ate and watched the sun set. Saw someone throw a cup out of their window. Terrible trashy behavior. I hate people who litter. Especially from their car. You are going to go somewhere with a trash can!! What is wrong with you!!!

I headed home after that. And then the sun was down and I was like. Very Unmotivated. But then someone upset me on facebook so to distract myself I started stripping the paint off my bike. 

This took forever. And honestly I could do more. But I worked on it for 2 hours. I used a blade and there are so many layers. My bike is so fat. But it was fun doing the work. I hope to paint it tomorrow but I think its going to have weird lumps. Well see how it goes. 

I have been hanging out since I finished cleaning up all the paint and trash. I just washed my face and had one of those poptarts. I think I am going to drink water and wait for James. I am very much ready for sleep. 

I hope you all have a good rest of the night. Take care of yourselves. Goodngiht. 

[ultraklll]

Tony Miller as a Gun For Hire! Tagged by the lovely @envyfelled ! Ty! This was super fun! Also, I'm on mobile, so sorry for the garbo formatting! (Fun fact, tonys voice claim is laura bailey as fiona/fem!boss)

Paired With Fangs For Hire:

Boomer - "Heya buddy!" followed by excessive scratching behind the ears | "Fuckin' love this dog, can sniff out a peggie like shark sniffing out blood. Good trait to have! Awfully convenient too…" | [patpatapatptpataptap] | "Atta fuckin' boy Boomer!" When she sees him get a kill | "Who's a good boy! Who wants to kill some cultists!" | "Wanna play fetch? Rip out their necks?"

Peaches - "Good girl…" | stealth gang stealth gang | peaches: mows down peggies/tony: a baby!" | "I jus' think it's funny that when we went to the Henbane, we picked up a cougar, Addie, an actual cougar, Peaches, and joined a crew called the Cougars… Just'a thought," 

Cheeseburger - "This reminds me'a Vegas pride, saw plenty'a bears there too" | "Kinda ironic to find you in Jacob's region, all things considered," [snickers to herself] | [PATPATPATPATPATPAT] | "Get outta my pockets! These snacks are mine, not yours!" | "You remind me of those like, beware of dog signs, but the dog is always a sweetheart who'd rather play with a home invader rather than attack them," 

Paired With Other Guns For Hire:

Jess - stealth gang stealth gang stealth gang | Jess has a MASSIVE crush on Tony. Everyone can tell. Tony knows | jess: guns are fucking lame and the sniper rifle is the cowards weapon/ tony: uses a sniper rifle/ jess: actually sniper rifles are cool as fuck | "Good shot Jess!" "S-shit, um, thanks, Tony," 

Grace - sniper gang sniper gang!! | [steals a headshot Grace was lining up] "Cmon Gracie, thought you were meant to be Olympic level!" | highly competitive, do a shot whenever they get a perfect headshot to die instantly | smug top solidarity | also heavily depressed solidarity 

Adelaide - [acts like she's not sleeping with her nephew even tho Addie knows she definitely knows] | Tony is either constantly laughing or constantly face palming over the shit addie says | have gotten into an argument once bc addie said john was a top 

Nick - "What's up eye in the sky?" | [flirts over radio] [flirts over radio] [flirts over radio] [fli | Nick: speaks/Tony: god I just love the way you fucking talk | often talk about kim together | "Can we have a barbecue at your place once these fuckers are dealt with?" | [pretends not to be bitter the Deputy got to help deliver Carmina and not her]

Sharky - "Heya baby!" | [constant back and forth flirting. It's embarrassing] | any second they're both not talking is a second they're making out | Can and Will go john wick on some peggy ass if he gets hurt badly | "Do you wanna have a sleepover?" "Lemme ask my momma," | she calls him Charlie :> | loves him so so much they're just constantly talking about anything and everything | literally like A Comedic Duo. Have together for certified funnies

Hurk jr. - "Junior! This'll be just like Kyrat!" | competitions about who can shotgun a beer faster every 4 seconds | WILL tell you stories about their time in Kyrat together | Tony has punched Drubman sr in the nose before and she'll do it again | "Hey Tony? You still in contact with Ajay?" "He sends me a royal postcard every now n' then. Apparently it's boring being king, and his only solace is that his new bodyguard is cute," 

In Combat: 

Seeing an enemy - "Fucker in my sights," | "I got a bullet with your name on it… actually I don't, who the fuck has time to carve names in bullets, but you get the idea- im just gonna shoot you now" | "You're dead on arrival, shithead," 

Sneaking - "You'd think me sneaking is counter productive because I'm 6'4 and have a very loud gun, but you're the boss Dep," | "Shhhh… we're huntin' shitheads… Heard it in a game," | [shoots alarm boxes] "You ain't allowed to call your friends, you're all grounded," | *peggy triggers alarm* "Fuckin snitch!" 

Killing an enemy - "SKULLCRACKER!" | "I just don't miss!" | just fucking headshot after headshot after headshot | [sucks in breath through teeth] "God damn I'm good," | when shes not using her Wifle (wife rifle, a 45/70) she's being FUCKING EFFICIENT with her ak-ms or just blasting ribcages open with her shotgun

Reviving - "Up you get, baby," | "You ain't dying on me that easy, Dep" | "Not today Satan!" | "You gonna let some unwashed asshole kill you?" 

Hurt - "Motherfucker!" | "That's another scar I'll tattoo over," | "Thank god people find scars sexy," | "God fuck that's smarts!" 

Downed - "Dep! Give me a hand?" | "Clean up on Aisle 4 needed!" | "Don't worry about me, just bleeding out over here, no rush," 

Revived - "Drinks on me when this is over Dep," | "Thanks babe!" | "I'll kiss you when we get outta this mess," | "I owe ya!"

Driving: 

Entering a vehicle - "Lemme take over I'm a way better driver than you," | "Floor it!" | "Hang on I've got a mixtape, just hope I havent fuckin' crushed it," | [takes the opportunity to roll cigs] | *peggies roll up* "Keep her steady!" [leans out the window and headshots the peggie on their ass, causing them to crash the car, like that isnt the coolest shit you've ever seen] "Aight cool,"

Reckless Driving - "Watch the fuckin' road asshole!" | [desperately tryna grip the wheel so she can take over driving] | "STOP THE CAR! I'LL JUST FUCKING WALK!" | "Are you tryna kill us?! Fuckin' swap seats now!" | tony is the designated driver bc one she's fucking good at it and two shes also a really bad backseat driver. Just let her drive 

Changing Radio Stations - "Now don't tell Charlie I said this but some of the peggies music is actually good,"| "John's a prick but his music taste is fuckin' good," | [punches radio in when Only You comes on] "...Sorry… Force'a habit…" | "Bold and brave my ass, John looks like he needs help getting spiders out of rooms and wears fuzzy pink bathrobes," 

Idle: 

"Man, John's a freak, and yeah I mean that in the sexy way. Someone who demands so much outward control whilst being a shithead little brat likes to get trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey and stuffed like one too. Don't give me that look Dep, I'm right and we both know it," 

"That dude Jacob ate was called Miller?? God, that could've been me if I was much older and way uglier!" 

"Faith just makes me fuckin sad man. She's been manipulated and groomed into this life by fuckin Joseph- she's so goddamn young too. I'm not gonna tell you what to do Dep, but that's just my two cents,"

"Joseph's the worst kind of man- a manipulator. He tells you what you wanna hear, targets the misfortunate who have nothing left to lose, builds a fucking army out of em. The other heralds I'm ok with arresting, but Joseph's got to go,"

[Lights cig with either her fancy lighter or by striking a match on the bottom of her shoe] "Don't start smoking, Dep,  bad for your health," 

Location Specific: 

Testy Festy Aftermath - [pinches bridge of nose] "Not again…" | "Anyone got a water and like, 3 aspirin?" | "Ain't the first time I've woke up passed out in a field, won't be the last," | "Did we at least get a photo from the night? I've won the competitions here for the last 3 years in a row now, I'm not fuckin missing one cuz of these peggies," 

Falls End - "Fuckin shame to see Falls End like this, but Mary May and Jerome will take good care of her now weve got it back, they always do," | "Think we'll get free drinks for life at the Spread Eagle when this is all over? Actually, we probably won't even get free drinks for week, so for life is wishful thinking," | she enjoys playing with the singing fish on the front of the speed eagle and keeps tryna convince Mary May to let her take it for herself bc tony goddamn miller has the biggest singing fish collection in the entire county 

Seed Ranch - *loud whistle* "this place is swanky as fuuuuck… Not that big a fan of all the dead animals though…" | "IS THAT WEED ON THE TABLE? Johnny boy you fuckin' hypocrite!" | "Oh he's definitely got a secret room behind one of these bookshelves, like a home torture room? Oh my God, what if he has more than one...?" [starts frantically pulling books off shelves] | regarding his shelves with peggie memorabilia [takes baseball bat to it] | [pretends she's never been here as she frantically stuffs any of her own belongings she might've forgotten here into her bag]

Entering the Henbane - "Don't trust a goddamn thing you see here. You think you see something you're not supposed to, hit it," | [swinging at bliss induced angel/animal/faith visions] | "Can we try savin' Faith? Don't feel right killin' her, she's so young…" | "Can we go to Sharky's place? I left some stuff there that could be worth picking up,"

Hope County Jail - "Sheriff Whitehorse has always been a good man to me, Dep. Would appreciate it if he lived through this," | "I always feel like a giant whenever I come here, everyones like 5'3. Virgil, Tracey, Charles, all shortasses," | "I think it's cute they gave you a little pin! You're part of their Pride now! Or whatever the cougar equivalent is to a lions pride… do Cougars even travel in packs? Aside from when Addie used take the girls out for drinks,"

Entering the Whitetails - "Always feels like something's watchin' you in these woods. Keep your eyes peeled," | "Always felt like there's something in these woods that there ain't supposed to be…" | [Shifting from foot to foot] "Can we get a move on? Aint'a big fan of standing around waitin' to get shot by some fuckin' sniper with a bow," | [watching Jacob's video punishing Pratt] "I'll fuckin' get you outta here, Stace… you just gotta hold out a second longer," | [about all the dead bodies and 'you are meat' graffiti] "Love what Jacob's done with the place," 

The Wolfs Den - "Eli Palmer is a good fuckin man. Kind, smart, careful and ruthless against peggies. We've made a good friend here, Dep," | "Heya Wheaty! Got a few more vinyls for your collection! They're all my own though, so be careful with em," | "I don't think Tammy likes you that much Dep. I don't think she likes much of anything anymore, other than attaching jumper cables to Peggy's nipples… Oh god, my piercings hurt thinking about it," 

Joseph's Island - [hand firmly on rifle grip] | "Creepy, evil motherfucker, had him pegged right from the start. Well, not pegged. I'm not pegging Joseph. I'd rather stick my dick in a ceiling fan then go anywhere near him- I'm just gonna stop talking," | "You know what? No one else has asked it so I'm gonna- where the fuck does Joseph sleep.  In the church? In one of these houses? In the dirt somewhere? What if he hangs upside down from trees like a bat?" 

[deafinatlyafan]

Anxiety secretly picks up strays and takes care of them in his room. One day Morality goes to call Anxiety for dinner and when he doesn't get a response he finds Anxiety under a pile of animals that he has adopted.

.tw: cats Sorry if this is bad im tired and i havent really focused on it as much as i should.Thanks to @analogically-prinxiety for helping with the ideas and the cat name "nix"“It’s time for supper!!” Morality called out. He had called out twice before but he knew by now that they never responded until after the third call.“sheesh Morality, we’re here now!” Roman sighed.Morality smiled and walked up to the dishwasher where he pulled out Anxietys special plate. He noticed that Anxiety had been distancing himself more than usual so he got the special plates all ready for Anxiety. He knew Anxiety felt self conscious about eating in front of the others so he sometimes brought the food to him but he wanted to give Anxiety his special plate. They only used this plate on special occasions or when they needed cheering up.He was humming some sort of tune as he walked towards Anxietys room. He knocked two times before walking in, not prepared for the sight he saw. Anxiety was laying in bed with a panicked look on his face. He had two cats on top of him, one fluffy cat that was orange and white under their chin and another cat that was fully black. Anxiety was at loss for words as the orange cat got off him and came towards Patton.“Wait I can explain!”“Kittens!!” Patton squealed and went forward to cuddle the orange cat that came right up to him, settinf the plate on the deak besides the door.There was also a fluffy white cat racing around the room being followed by another black cat. There were two more cats, a grey cat with white fur at the front, sitting on Anxietys bed, watching Patton and another orange cat that was laying besides anxietys leg.“You… you like cats?” Anxiety asked, unsure of what to say.“I love all animals! I prefer dogs because they’re more energetic, but- aww look at him!!!” Morality cooed at the fluffy cat as it started purring, “aww he likes me!”“He’s a she actually, but why dogs? They’re big balls who bark a lot, at least cats only meow to talk to humans, dogs just bark at whatever.” Anxiety said pushing the black cat off him as he sat up.Morality was about to answer but Logan came into the room.“I’m trying to study what is going-“ Logan let out a scream when he saw two cats run towards him. The black cat ran out the door while the white cat curved his back and quickly turned and went under Anxietys blanket.“Hey Boo, it's okay, Logan won't hurt you, he’s not as mean as he looks, it’s okay.” Anxiety cooed coming up to the cat. The cat hissed, and Anxiety backed away, still saying soothing words. The cat was no longer hissing, but he was shrinking deeper in the blanket.“What the-“ Roman was now at the door besides Logan who was frozen in fear from the cat.“Aren’t you the adorablest cat of them all, and you-and you and-“ Morality was too distracted by how cute the cats were.Anxiety was nervous.“I can explain!" “You better! Logan has never been so scared before.” Roman said as he was trying to reassure logan by rubbing on his arms.“I’m okay, I just didn’t expect to see a cat coming out of Anxiety’s room,” Logan blushed but was looking a lot more comfortable than before.“I- I saw these cats wandering around and I thought I could take care of them, you know because they're so cute and need a home. A shelter would just throw them in a cage or-or put them to sleep and I can't do that to these six adorable feinds,” “You… you realize that means mischievous or a wicked person?” Logan asked.“Yeah?” Anxiety said frowning, “so? They're still adorable feinds. They need a home and i gave them one. You can't just take that away from them!”The other sides stared at him, surprised. He had never been this defensive or looked so desperate doing it. “Well he's right. We can't just throw them back in the streets. Besides look at this little ball of fluff, isn't she adorable?!” Morality cooed at the orange and white cat. “I call her fluffy. She's the snuggliest of them all but loves to be playful.” “Oh I know! How about we each adopt one? Take them off your hands? That way they could not be cooped up in one room!” Patton offered.“oh, and Logan, Boo would be perfect for you.” morality said. “I suppose i could look after a creature that is more frightened of me than i am. Plus they are pleasing to look at and make me want to squeeze their head.”“i never thought i'd hear you say that." Anxiety said hiding back a smile.“Oh i can take this one too!!” morality pointed at the orange cat that was still on anxiey’s bed, Unphased by the strangers in the room, “ Please please please let me adopt her.”“she's all yours. I've never seen anyone adapt with her so quickly.” anxiety chuckled.“I guess we could keep them seperately but i don't know.” roman said.“you could take the black cat. He rarely needs company but he will be there for you if you need it.” “i guess i do need company when im in my room. And i have plenty in it to keep them entertained.”“you have an entire forest in your room. I think they'll be happy.” Anxiety pointed out. “why not?” Roman said.“okay so He likes to play and run a lot but is usually isolates himself. He went running out though so you'll have to go find him.” anxiety said, “but he'd be perfect for you.” “sweet I’l shall be back. Onwords to find our beloved lost cat!” Roman smiled and walked out of the room. Anxiety rolled his eyes.“okay so he gets the black cat snd i get these two cats?” morality asked“yeah and pie is what i call him.” anxiety said. “whats this cats name?” logsn asked. Anxiety and morality turned to face him suprised to see him bendinf low to pet the white cat that had recently hissed ay anxiety“Uuh her name is Boo.”“Why is she called that?”“Because she's white like a ghost and is easily scared.”“I dont understand your reasoning, but that is quite adorable for her.”“Hey! What are you doing?!" Roman screamed. The sides turned their heads to the door as they heard stomping. Before they could think to leave the room Roman came back holding up the black fluffy cat awkwardly. “nope I take it back. I’m not taking in this cat. He just tried to scratch my beautiful royal bed headset.”Anxiety just snickered.“Too late roman, you just agreed to take in Dragon."“Dragon?! I cannot have a creature in my room named after a creature i fight every day, especially one as adorable and evil as this creature.”“No takesies backsies” Anxiety said.“That’s such a childish thing to say.” Roman snapped.“I say that all that time though” Morality said petting Fluffy.“Exactly.” Roman snapped, looking uncertainly and uncomfortable at the cat.“That looks highly uncomfortable Roman. I think it would be best to put them down until you can learn to properly pick them up.” Logan pointed out, petting Boo who was starting to purr. “Aww they’re so cute!!! Wait, Can you take in Boo?” Morality asked, “I'll take them in if you can't.”“Well,” Logan looked thoughtful, “They are quite a pleasure to pet. I have wanted a companion to keep me company in my room so i suppose I could take her in.”“Yay! So it's settled! I get fluffy and Pie, Anxiety keeps... Wait, what's the black cats and gray cats name?” “Nix and then grey”“Aww that's such a cute name for them!! Aww! Okay, Anxiety gets nix, and grey, Roman gets dragon and Logan gets fluffy!!”“Sounds like it's settled.” logan said stroking boos chin.“Good luck with Dragon Prince!” Anxiety said smirking.“Yeah yeah, i get it. Thank you for Dragon Anxiety. Some sappy smuck about how this is going to lead to a happily ever after yada da da, the end. Good night. This prince needs his beauty sleep. And im guessing Drafon is going to have to get used to his new room. Night.” Prince grabbed Dragon in his arms, and positioned them so they wouldn't fall and left the room.“For some reason I'm really curious. How did you come up with Dtagons name?” Patton asked holding the two cats at the same time. “Oh i didn't have a name for him yet. I just thought that would fit because Prince would hate it.”((No idea how to end so tada!! Sorry it took months to answer back!! ))

[peakyblinders1919]

Las Vegas

She hoped the city only looked grimy and dirty from inside the car. The car sputtering down the road caused people in rags with dirt on their faces out of the way. The houses hung low and were dark, depressing colors, a vast contrast to the colors rising back in Las Vegas, which she called home.  

“Tell me why I was forced to come here again?” She muttered to herself in the back seat, digging out her compact mirror from her bag and reapplying her pink lipstick. She meant for it to me a rhetorical question, or not really a question at all, but her driver thought otherwise.

“Your father was worried about your safety Miss.”

She scoffed, taking one last look at herself and flicking it shut, stuffing it back in her purse. “This city looks anything but safe.” She noted, watching a whore pleasure a man on the side of the road accompanied by barely audible yet distinct gunshots in the distance. Finally the car halted to a stop. Her driver got out and raced to open her door, helping her out of the car.

She stood out like a sore thumb, dressed in clothes that would have paid to feed five families. She spun around, trying to get a look at everything the place had to offer, and she could conclude that that wasn’t much. Just by the looks of it she could probably contract a disease from the populated, hazy air. “And what do they call this place?” She asked with an upturned nose.

“Birmingham Miss.”

“Right, sound’s like it looks, awful.” After a moment her driver laughed, now standing with her luggage on the side of the road uncomfortably. “Chauncey, I’ll give you 100 pounds to take me anywhere but here.” She pleaded with him.

“No can do Miss. Your fathers orders. Come on, you might find you’ll actually like it here.”

“Over my dead body.” She rolled her eyes while lighting a cigarette. She shuffled back as a kids was running down the street and a some kind of shop keeper followed them, sorting profanities. “Which might actually be the case.”

“So, is there anything fun to do around here?” She asked as she sat at the table blowing on her cup of tea to cool. She’d been in Birmingham for almost a week now and she hadn’t done anything. She was thankful for her mystery Aunt who lived there though, and her new discovered cousin. She wasn’t as bad as she thought she’d be. She didn’t give a lot of rules, just one flicker of advice; Don’t get involved with the Shelby’s.

“Why not?” She had inquired.

“They’re just like the same people you left.”

“Well I didn’t want to leave, I was forced.”

“Right, and if you dad finds out you didn’t stay away from danger, the next place he’d send you is the convent probably, so I’m just trying to help.”

So she had taken her Aunt’s advice, but she could only stay away for so long. She was starting to get bored, very bored, of the house and the two same old shops she knew of. She wanted to experience something new.

“We could go out tonight?” Her cousin suggested.

“Oh yes, yes please. I’d go anywhere.”

“There’s a pub-“

“If they have drinks, I’m there.”

“You might not like it, it’s kinda…dirty.”

“I don’t care, just get me out of here.”

A few minutes later and she was standing at the bar with a drink in hand and her cousin next to her. She slammed her freshly finished drink on the counter, calling loudly for another round. The men around her cheered and wouldn’t stop eyeing her, surely they’d never seen such a beautiful women drink like a man. She smiled in their view, finally satisfied to be at a party and the center of attention again, regardless of exactly what kind of attention it was she was receiving.

She giggled into her cousins shoulder drunkenly. “Right, my bladder’s going to explode, I’m going to the bathroom.” She said, unknowingly walking towards the private room of the Garrison. Applying pressure to the door with her shoulder she threw it open, the music from the bar filing into the quiet, smokey room. In it were three boys looking somewhat dumbstruck to see this random, beautiful girl stood in the doorway. They looked at her, waiting to hear her explanation as to why she was interrupting their night. The one of the left with cold eyes brought a cigarette to his lips and smoked it while examining her, flicking his eyes away rather quickly when he decided he didn’t want her. The boy next to him with chocolate skin smiled at her, but she didn’t smile back at him. She was looking at the one on the end with strawberry blonde hair in an interesting cut.

“Oh, uh, sorry, I was just looking for the bathroom.” She managed to finally say, making to close the door and leave but she couldn’t. Just as soon as they were out of her sight she threw the door back open. “Hi, sorry, are you guys playing poker?” She asked, unable to take her eyes off the cards on the table.

“Yeah, you know how to play?” The one in the middle asked as the one still smoking look uninterested and the other was just too shy to say anything.

“I do.”

“You any good?”

“Why don’t you find out yourself?”

He ran his tongue over his lip while looking her. “Alright, take a seat.” She squealed with excitement closing the door.

“Uh, it was Finn’s turn to deal but-“

“Oh, sure, I can.” She said with a grin, taking the cards from him. She tried doing a fancy shuffle at first, the cards going everywhere thanks to her shaky hands. The two boys tried to suppress their laughs but the quiet one watched her intently. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and tried again. This time it was effortless. She shuffled the cards and dealt them so quick the boys could barely keep up with her.

“Right so Texas Holdem, you get two cards now and then three, highest hand is a royal flush, all the same suit. Are we playing with money?” She rambled, flashing them a smile each. Their jaws were basically to the floor, never having seen a girl know so much about poker.

“Eh, we was just playing for fun.”

“So the quiet one finally speaks.” She said with a laugh, finishing dealing her own cards. “It’s not fun without money on the line though. I don’t have much, how about…” she fiddled with her purse, putting some money down, “100 pounds to play.”

“Woah, what’s a girl doing with 100 pounds around here?” The one on the left asked, finally interested.

“I’m new around here.”

“We could tell. I’m Isaiah by the way, and that’s Finn and this here’s Michael.”

“Nice to meet you boys. I’m Y/N, and stop chatting, we got a game let’s go.” She dealt out the round of cards, reading everyone’s expressions. Isaiah folded first followed by Michael when Y/N raised the bet to 200 pounds. They were egging Finn on but he didn’t have a chance.

“This is it. Never lost a game in my life.” She said confidently while flipping over the last card. “Straight flush.” There was an unanimous round of sighs then. “That means you loose if you have anything but a royal flush.”

“Well, around here my family’s kind of royalty.” Finn said, flipping his cards over to reveal he had the best hand possible. Y/N’s mouth fell as she realized she’d finally been beat at her own game. Isaiah and Michael cheered and patted him on the back as he collected the money.

“Nice one.” She finally said, extending a hand.

“You too. That was really good, you know you’re stuff.”

“Yeah well, where I’m from my family’s kinda royal too.”

“Oh yeah? What’s your name?”

“You wouldn’t know it.” She said as she found herself with Finn as the other two went to grab more drinks. “I’m not exactly from around here.”

“Right, and where’d you say you’re from?”

“I didn’t.” He just looked at her then, waiting. “I’m from Las Vegas.”

“What’re you doing all the way over here?” He asked confused.

“My dad’s starting a lot of illegal gambling dens, I guess he thought it was a bad place for me.”

“So he sent you to Birmingham?”

“Stupid, right? He wanted me to get away from violence and gangs so he sent me to the Shelby’s town.” She huffed, blowing smoke from her new cigarette. “I haven’t even seen any of them yet, just heard of them. They can’t be that bad.”

“We’re not.” Finn squeaked, causing her to look at him.

“What’d you say your last name was?”

“I didn’t. But it’s Shelby.”

“Well my dad would hate this.” She chuckled, throwing her head back. “Well, I heard right then, the Shelby’s are good looking.”

“You think I’m good looking?”

“Don’t flatter yourself just because you won one lousy poker game.”

“I bet I could beat you again.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

“All or nothing?” She asked, collecting the cards from the table and starting to shuffle them again, getting closer to Finn’s face.

“I have a better idea. How about if I win you go on a date with me.”

“And if I win?” She asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Then you could have whatever you want.”

“I want your money.”

The game lasted till the early morning when the Garrison was emptied. Finn closed up quickly, having told Y/N it was his family’s pub. She tried not to look too impressed either when she found out. She waited at the door with her hand extended. Finn counted out the money, handing it over.

“You’re right, you’re very good.”

“I know.” She said laughing. “Tough loss too.” She said, putting the money away.

“Yeah, maybe we could still go out?”

“Maybe…” She said, leaning to give him a playfully kiss on the lips, just enough for him to want more as he watched her walk into the night.

Feedback please!!

[wildlove836]

2017

wow. okay. when I said 2016 fuck me up I didnt mean literally. 

but god damn, once again I’ve rung in the new year heartbroken as can be, but wait there’s more. I fell in love with someone. he’s somehow worse than the last guy and hell I love him a thousand times more.

I’ve dealt with so much shit this year. I’m in a relationship with a drug addict. I didnt know it until about 3 months ago. I mean I knew, but I didnt know. 

He asked me to marry him literally the 3rd day we spent together. no I didnt say yes, but apparently I did because now hes calling me his fiance n shit. I ‘lost’ my virginity to this guy. It sounds fucked up but it isnt as bad as it seems. or maybe it is and I still have a long way to go before I figure it all out.

I think I really love him. I think he really loves me. But people keep telling me he’s going to love those little crystals more. 

I’ve seen some shit. My humdrum life has done a fucking tail spin in the last 6 months. I went from a full tank of gas and watching netflix all day to $1.43 in my bank account and needles hidden in the dresser drawers.

I’ve seen junkies, I’ve had shit stolen. I’ve watched him physically and mentally change without even noticing.

I’ve been choked and pushed and bruised and screamed at. I’ve done the same things back in a rage I didnt know I was capable of.

I’ve heard stories from child hood that make no sense but make perfect sense and I know I cant change the past but I’d very much like to.

I smoked weed and that shit was great at first but now its the only way I cant really talk to you, it seems. you told me that wasnt it but trust me. i’m too afraid to tell you the truth when we’re not...chill.

I’ve cried and screamed and walked away. I’ve waited hours upon hours for you to call. I havent slept and I’ve slept too much. I had a real panic attack for the first time in my life.

I’ve sat in the ER with you for 6+ hours after you crashed your car from being on adderall. I watched you literally mentally and physically break down in the pizza hut parking lot while normal fucking people watched and wondered what the fuck they could do for you and I just sat there next to you counting change from your pockets because you lost the receipts.

im sorry. i lost them somehow. who fucking knows. i’ll take the blame for it though if thats what I have to do.

i walked across train tracks wondering if maybe my foot my get caught while you told me you were addicted to sex and of course I should have already known this but surprise I didnt. its still my fault though.

we missed trick or treat with your daughter because you were on acid.

then the other day you brought her to my house and slept the whole time. you said what does it matter my parents see me taking her out of the house. well what the fuck do you care right. if you’re playing the part of dad. you son of a bitch. i love that girl and I know you do too but you better try harder. you better or you’ll lose faster if you have her.

I’ve seen you coming down down down. with a knife in your hands and the doors locked and the lights off. I’ve watched cops drive by thinking you were already dead.

I’ve had the best sexual experiences with you and only you. I got drunk and gave you a blow job after knowing I’d never have a dick in my precious mouth.

you called me perfectly imperfect for a while, now that i’ve lost my innocence you call me your miracle. these days I feel like a burden. enabler is the word i’m trying not to say because I know its the truth. but i didnt know. i swear i didnt.

and not in the fucking physical sense. i’m not giving him money or anything like that. im stressing him the fuck out. BUT FUCK HE NEVER MAKES ANY SENSE. and im stressed out too. doesnt anybody see that?

everybody knows him like I know him now. a fucking mind fuck. this little twat can turn a sentence around on you so quick you’re wondering what you even said in the first place. this mother fucker can have you so god damn confused you’re rethinking your whole life.

he does it on purpose. I think so he feels more normal on the inside. the only question I have is, was it the meth that brought it out of him or was it destined to come out eventually on its own. the crazy will never subside and I must admit that’s what somehow attracts me to him.

feeling like a complete dumbass after every conversation we have. BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THIS. he’ll say, like I already knew it. and then i’ll realize I did already know it. he was telling me all along, but in his own way. like a secret language. and I cant fucking afford the rosetta stone for crazy talk.

half the relationship i spend KNOWING this shit isnt right for me and here i am thinking i have to do this i have to do this but i still dont know what love is. its breaking the god damn futton i know. 

there’s no doubt about what i feel but really is it worth it. will he kill me. will i kill him. ive done things i never thought i would do. ive seen things i never thought i would see. the world is my fucking oyster over here. anything is possible. anything can happen. anything.

regardless, here I am. alone and wondering what hes doing. if he’s okay. a thousand and one fucking questions because he doesnt have a phone for me to call. and somehow now it feels like its my fault. it is my fucking fault and im crying a lot right now because of it. and im alone. so he can calm down. but i cant calm down without him. i need him. i need him. I NEED HIM. and im going insane worrying and wondering and crying and feeling okay for a little while.

now im just mad because hes okay without me. hes okay. and im not okay. it isnt fair. FUCK YOU. it isnt fair. do you even love me? DO YOU EVEN CARE. DO YOU EVEN DO YOU EVEN DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME. duh.

WHY DID I QUIT MY FUCKING JOB. I had what I needed. besides clarity and sanity so fuck, you cant blame me. hes been driving me insane since he spotted me.

but I know he fucking loves me. crazy people dont fuck around with shit like that. if they mean it they mean it. i feel it. I know it. I love it. its the only thing I understand ever. is my love for him. is it true. is it real. who fucking cares. its real and its ever present and its mostly reciprocated in good and bad ways. if i could walk away from it i already would have . i swear. i already would have but i havent so get off my fucking back.

but love is hard they tell me. love is fucking hard as hell and you’ve got to suffer before you can enjoy that shit, otherwise its not worth it. I realize this is too long and i’m not gonna reread it so nobody else is probably going to read it. thats okay. i needed to get it down on ‘paper’ just in case.

god just fucking pray for me or something. every time I feel like something is going to get worse it does okay. I had people burning up spoons in the trailer we were supposed to live in just to shoot up heroin and I was too busy making sure my boyfriend wasnt killing himself in a shed to realize. 

old dude (thats what they call people in fairdale) literally over dosed in the bed that was supposed to be mine. in the bedroom that was supposed to be mine but I cant say anything about it? I CANT SAY ONE GOD DAMN WORD ABOUT IT?

nah because bf is too nice to people who ‘care’ to realize what they’re really doing in the big picture. she put her clothes in the closet that was supposed to be mine. mine. FUCKING MINE. but i cant be mad because shes homeless and has cancer. what a fucking lifetime movie. I DIDNT NEED THIS TO KNOW I WAS A SELFISH PERSON. I ALREADY KNEW. I’M GOOD AT HIDING IT. I WANT MY CLOSET SPACE BACK. I see drug abuse and friendship and something strikes me as sketchy. OMG. and dont get me started on the cheating.

he cheats on me. he puts his dick inside his best friend while they’re fucked up on whatever. they tell me she says no everytime he asks but this time she didnt. oh wow. what a perfect picture of a life im stuck in. what a romantic gesture. WHAT A FUCKING ROMANTIC COMEDY OF LIFE. i can keep my perfect pussy to myself and he cant go one fucking day without trying to put his dick in something. I WILL BUY YOU A FUCKING GRAPEFRUIT TO FUCK IF THAT WILL KEEP YOUR DICK OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

he says hes taking a shit when he goes over there but he takes a shit every time and they’re long shits. idk if its to fuck or whatever but its for sure about drugs. drugs that tear people apart and keep the glued together and they’re fucking ripped seams. god this sounds like fucking trash and it is. it literally is. and I know it but I cant do a damn thing about it because I love this trash. hes not trash. but he acts like it.

I know he’s not trash because somehow he has it all figured out. its like his autistic niche is seeing into the future and knowing for god damn sure that something is going to turn out the way it is but he wont fucking tell me. just straight up tell me the truth. 

naaaah. that’d be too logical. he’d rather tell me the alternative lie. to keep me safe. HA. OKAY FROM WHAT. my life is so fucked up now.

needless to say 2016 has royally fucked me up. there’s probably a shit ton of stuff I forgot to mention and I should of because this is my collective fuck up recap but oh well. its not the last of it anyway. I know that for damn sure. 

I just hope that when we get married or whatever the fuck next big thing happens in our lives. I hope it balances out the bad shit. because the bad shit is getting really hard to deal with. like really hard. like my hands are shaking  sometimes hard and i feel like i cant kill myself because even in death i’d be worried about you and its nobodys fault but its our fault. 

I know it is. he’s not even supposed to be in a relationship right now and what does this fucker do. he falls in love. true love with an innocent girl who has no idea what shes about to fucking go through. god damn. somebody help me. somebody really help me. I know I will always love him. more than the other mother fuckers I thought I cared about. I will fucking love him. 

I FUCKING LOVE HIM. it makes me angry how much i love him. because it hurts me. a lot. but I wont stop. I cant. i wont. i never will. even if he stops loving me. i dont see how. but if he did. i’d still be calling and showing up and waiting outside and peeping in windows like a fucking nutcase. its my fucking ride or die. even if we broke up and i met someone else. god its not gonna be like this. it might be better. it might be a fucking dream. it might be date nights and morning kisses and flowers at work. but it wont be this. it wont be what i have with tey. nothing will ever be like this.and i fucking love that. im obsessed. im entranced. im in deep heartache love. 

and ironically he does literally the worst thing he could do. the worst thing. he could. is love me irrevocably. whole heartedly. stubbornly. passionately. intentionally. desperately. in return. a love that i could live with for eternity. without a shadow of a doubt love. til the day we die in each others fucking arms.

its killing him. its killing us. but its keeping us alive.

how sobering is that shit.

[hgfstreamchats]

Birdemic

Welcome to the 'highglossfinish' room. caffienatedconfetti: henlo bby caffienatedconfetti: fair warning the first bit of this movie is like 5 minutes of boring caffienatedconfetti: followed by 10 more minutes of watching a guys doing stuff Knock Out: I can live with that. caffienatedconfetti: i havent watched it yet because i'm not that masochistic but i figured it's bids, so caffienatedconfetti: huehuehuehuehue Zephra85: MOVIE NIGHT YAAS Zephra85: Hi everyone! Jalaperilo: I always forget whuch shade of green I pick for my name Jalaperilo: but hello! Zephra85: Same with gray for me thenightetc: So I understand we're in for a "treat"? Jalaperilo: i think we've been tricked by this film lol

caffienatedconfetti: the first 30 min are pretty boring tho idk caffienatedconfetti: i havent seen it, only watched a reveiw caffienatedconfetti: it looked funny Jalaperilo: the first 90 minutes if boring lol Jalaperilo: *is Cardinal: I'm hesitantly ready! Knock Out: Beautiful! thenightetc: No doubt we can amuse ourselves with mockery :) Zephra85: 'hesitantly ready' is a good way to describe the beginning of these streams caffienatedconfetti: it may or may not be worth it just for the """"""special effects"""""""" caffienatedconfetti: those giant airqoutes sink in? Knock Out: The more air quotes, the better. Jalaperilo: so who has seen this film? Zephra85: Not me, never even heard of it Knock Out: Oh, this will be fun. thenightetc: Ditto.  I thought it sounded like a video game Knock Out: Go away, bold button. Jalaperilo: be bold Knock Out: Scream everything. Jalaperilo: make strangers on the internet not know if you're being ironic or not thenightetc: I don't think bold is screaming per se.  More an emphatic tone of voice, which may or may not be a *little* louder than normal thenightetc: Reverb, maybe. Zephra85: caps is yelling caffienatedconfetti: ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE Jalaperilo: what about bold caps? Zephra85: bold is... a tone thenightetc: Yeah! caffienatedconfetti: IT IS THE ULTIMATE CANTERLOT VOICEW Zephra85: extreme agression Jalaperilo: I'm gonna start a fight with bold capital letters caffienatedconfetti: ON MY WAY TO STEAL YO GURL Knock Out: I'm concerned for the humans involved here. Their lifespans aren't long enough to waste on this movie. Jalaperilo: this is my second time watching it. if i was concerned abour wasting my life, i wouldnt be here caffienatedconfetti: oh dont worry the women in my family live to be at least 100 caffienatedconfetti: i have plenty of time to waste Knock Out: Oh, well, in that case! Knock Out: "Vetnamese." caffienatedconfetti: you mean vietnamese? thenightetc: ...Have you started it?  It's showing as offline for me Zephra85: Same for me caffienatedconfetti: what does that have to do with anything? did i miss something caffienatedconfetti: also yeah same Knock Out: Well, glad we caught that one early! Knockout: Is it showing now? caffienatedconfetti: thar we go~ Knockout: Beautiful! thenightetc: There it is!  I had to click pause and play but it is now Cardinal: I see it! Knockout: Well, not for me. I have to sit through fifteen minutes of that again. thenightetc: There, there Zephra85: Oh pausing and unpausing worked for me too Jalaperilo: im sure you did something to deserve that Zephra85: but I missed the beginning, drat Zephra85: oh well caffienatedconfetti: primus is trying to get your organs to explode thenightetc: Just scenery shots Jalaperilo: i forgot that the film director tries to be hitchcock like in this caffienatedconfetti: is it working thenightetc: God would it kill you to mount the camera on something instead of just holding it Cardinal: . . . Cardinal: Well, it's a thrill ride so far! thenightetc: ...I'm just saying. Jalaperilo: Zephra, you could not watch the first 30 minutes and you would have missed nothing caffienatedconfetti: this music loop is killing me slowly caffienatedconfetti: AGAIN caffienatedconfetti: WHY Cardinal: help caffienatedconfetti: send help thenightetc: It's the only music they licensed caffienatedconfetti: i';m being held against my will my address is123 help Cardinal: it keeps happening Zephra85: LOL Jalaperilo: the director saw Psycho and thought that was the way that all films should begin caffienatedconfetti: if it loops again i swear to god caffienatedconfetti: KNIFE TIME thenightetc: pfffffff Jalaperilo: hahah! thenightetc: At this point it's like a running joke Cardinal: The music is the true villain of this movie. thenightetc: ...That didn't sound like a car door caffienatedconfetti: and here we see the beta male, going out on the hunt for cheap fast food thenightetc: *mildly unsettled* Zephra85: cronch caffienatedconfetti: OW caffienatedconfetti: WHAT IS THIS AUDIO Zephra85: cronch cronch caffienatedconfetti: WHAT IS HER FACE caffienatedconfetti: LOOK BOOBS Jalaperilo: i realised I have blocked out 90% of this film as i forgot how angry i got at its *** cinematography Zephra85: what is going on with the sound editing caffienatedconfetti: "durrrrrrr henlo this isn't creep at all" caffienatedconfetti: nice dud ver classy thenightetc: Did she... pay? caffienatedconfetti: stalker much thenightetc: THEN DON'T. Cardinal: how do you think he knew that caffienatedconfetti: ew Cardinal: ha ha creepy Cardinal: stellar acting thenightetc: wooooooow caffienatedconfetti: "hello person  ive never met let me tell you everything abotut me" Zephra85: legit tho caffienatedconfetti: "here's my phone number, address, and pin number" thenightetc: they're cutting between different takes of the audio aren't they too thenightetc: Oh my god caffienatedconfetti: wait you saw each other 2 seconds ago why did you say hi again caffienatedconfetti: end me Cardinal: WAS IT nice talking to him?  Was it? Jalaperilo: my guess is that they didnt have a boom mic and so just used the camera mic thenightetc: I hope he dies. caffienatedconfetti: IT'S SO EASY TO MAKE AN EFFECT TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE UR ON THE TV WHY Zephra85: the news announcer has the least stilted acting, what does THAT say about this movie caffienatedconfetti: sorry for babbling its just YIVUJGHFH Jalaperilo: hey knock knock, have you ever shown Megashark vs Giant Octopus? Cardinal: ((At some point we should watch THe Time Machine I Found At A Garage Sale. Knockout: I can't say that I have. Cardinal: ((Legitimately the worst movie I've ever seen. caffienatedconfetti: brb getting a seltzer and flushing my dignity down the toilet Jalaperilo: its a great film that should deffo go on the list thenightetc: "THIS MOVIE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY CHEVRON" Zephra85: heh Zephra85: the bf and I do that too whenever there's a lingering shot of a brand logo Zephra85: 'BROUGHT TO YOU BY _____' thenightetc: Although in this case I'm willing to believe they were just eating up a little time there. Cardinal: This movie is killing me Cardinal: I don't care about your big fish, fleshie Jalaperilo: *** off Jalaperilo: one mil in a firm like that? Zephra85: yyyyeah that's not happening thenightetc: Oh.  Oh god. Jalaperilo: did no one want to pay the elec bill thenightetc: He's going to come bother her at her work ISN'T HE >:( Jalaperilo: ? Zephra85: hello pufferfish desktop bg thenightetc: *transfixed by the pufferfish* thenightetc: This is an improvement Zephra85: very Cardinal: The pufferfish looks how I feel Zephra85: this pufferfish is portraying more genuine emotion than any of the actors Jalaperilo: the stalker from the restaurant Cardinal: I continue to not like the guy Cardinal: UGH Zephra85: VETnamese eh? thenightetc: Whyyyyy.  Why would she go on a date with that guy. caffienatedconfetti: what happened caffienatedconfetti: where's the movie? Cardinal: The pufferfish ate it Zephra85: it's been replaced by this vastly superior pufferfish Jalaperilo: my guess is the mouse got moved to the bottom right corner that turns all windows transparent Cardinal: I'm sure whatever we imagine them doing is more interesting than what they're actually doing. caffienatedconfetti: where's knockout? thenightetc: God, I hope they BOTH die.  Both these guys. Jalaperilo: it beans our host has left us to suffer alone lol Zephra85: Nuuuu bring back the pufferfish Cardinal: Pufferfish, don't abandon us Knockout: I'm back, and nothing happened! Zephra85: was... was her ringtone a bicycle bell? Knockout: Where did it leave off? thenightetc: the audio is killing me caffienatedconfetti: that awkwa rd  pause thenightetc: oh my god.  why thenightetc: This is the worst editing I've ever seen caffienatedconfetti: everything is going great for everyone: news at 11 Jalaperilo: we're ok withnot catvhing up with what we lost Zephra85: legit Zephra85: yeah srsly caffienatedconfetti: that wheeze tho Zephra85: the sound editing is hurting me more than the video editing caffienatedconfetti: this is sexist to both sexes thenightetc: Yeah, that's what I mean. Knockout: I can see why you all preferred the pufferfish. thenightetc: I hope a bird bites his dick off. Zephra85: I miss the pufferfish thenightetc: That's... what this movie's about, right?  Eventually? caffienatedconfetti: and aslo, sexist to sexes  that don't exist Jalaperilo: i was starting to have a bad evening but the rage i feel at this film has burned up all the anxiety lol caffienatedconfetti: it's a preachy global warming film apparently caffienatedconfetti: oh god please caffienatedconfetti: why this caffienatedconfetti: no thenightetc: Why was there a watermelon carved into a basket caffienatedconfetti: *overly long shot of a roof* Zephra85: because discussing the location of the solar panels he's installing is intregal to the plot Jalaperilo: global warming is fake, the earth is flat and new coke was a marketing ploy to boost sales of coke classic! caffienatedconfetti: what thenightetc: *silent handshake* caffienatedconfetti: oh ok caffienatedconfetti: racist now

caffienatedconfetti: loveluy Zephra85: that hug was so awkward but I bet it wasn't acting caffienatedconfetti: *overly long shot of a ffffuking WALL* caffienatedconfetti: THIS IS NOT ART thenightetc: Self-burn! Knockout: "I have to go all of a sudden." caffienatedconfetti: no none cares Jalaperilo: wanna watch tedious superflouous plot that goes nowhere, watch the 4th film of a certain franchise we all like. caffienatedconfetti: which one lol? thenightetc: it's so conspicuous how the background music is just another 15 second loop and not actually something that would be playing in a restaurant caffienatedconfetti: he looks dead inside Jalaperilo: maybe he is? caffienatedconfetti: that or he's planning her murder thenightetc: Her dog, right caffienatedconfetti: close- a cat thenightetc: ...Okay, I was close Zephra85: oh THAT'S her strategy Zephra85: get out of this awful date by talking about her cat non stop thenightetc: Those, uh thenightetc: Those are some slow and unbeleivable birds caffienatedconfetti: 0those certainly are some graphic Jalaperilo: top of the line computer graphics, brought to you by mspaint Jalaperilo: knock, you gonna fatshame these birds caffienatedconfetti: that is a reenscreen? Zephra85: it freaking was thenightetc: Oh god, did they make them slow-motion so they wouldn't have to make as many frames Knockout: Of course not. My spark goes out to those birds. Zephra85: they live a painful existence of terrible animation caffienatedconfetti: bet you 20 bucks theres a support group for birdemic actors Knockout: Classy. thenightetc: Ugh. thenightetc: Now just stand there outside her house all night. Zephra85: oh god that scene change was abrupt and painful caffienatedconfetti: oh god another old lady Zephra85: that's her mother caffienatedconfetti: no why Zephra85: she looks old enough to be her grandmother caffienatedconfetti: poor lady Jalaperilo: shes pretty good at acting caffienatedconfetti: i thought she said her mom wasn't supportive? caffienatedconfetti: ew????? Zephra85: 'marry rich' Zephra85: 'I love your advice mom' thenightetc: That's funny because I keep getting the impression she's planning a black widow thing and that's why she's putting up with this creep caffienatedconfetti: EWEWEW caffienatedconfetti: EWWWWWW caffienatedconfetti: WHYWHWYHWYWB7JHG thenightetc: oh my god caffienatedconfetti: "THIS SEX SCENE SPONSORED BY IMAGINE PEACE" thenightetc: it's the ringtone they use for those "turn your *** phone off" ads! caffienatedconfetti: ALSO THAT ACENT WHY????? caffienatedconfetti: AUUUGUH caffienatedconfetti: IS HER NOSE STUFFED WITH COTTON Jalaperilo: "oh i phones you during sex? let me keep talking to you' Jalaperilo: a billion??? thenightetc: "a billion dollars" thenightetc: What a nice round number? Zephra85: oh god stop already Zephra85: these cut aways hurt Jalaperilo: "youre all fired" thenightetc: So they make uh........ database software I guess? thenightetc: Please let that be foreshadowing thenightetc: what. Zephra85: this movie is making my soul hurt Jalaperilo: hahaha! thenightetc: Her shirt Knockout: Shoot me. thenightetc: why this. Jalaperilo: no can do. primus/unicron demands we suffer Zephra85: f*ck what they want caffienatedconfetti: I WISH FOR DEATH Zephra85: SAVE US PUFFERFISH Jalaperilo: i wonder what this films agenda is? caffienatedconfetti: PRIMUS YOU *** caffienatedconfetti: oh right forgot about that lol sorry thenightetc: I thought he was going to reject the pitch, he kinda had the look of a guy who was slowly realizing he'd been invited to a multi-level-marketing pitch Knockout: The pufferfish loves you and would help you if it could. caffienatedconfetti: "save the planet, bitchfaces" caffienatedconfetti: was there just a festival in town and they were like "sure lets put that in the movie" Zephra85: I buy it thenightetc: [insert joke about Smokescreen] caffienatedconfetti: also didn't they say it was winter???????? caffienatedconfetti: so many questions Jalaperilo: you can find the answers within Zephra85: oh god what the hell thenightetc: Did they edit in the middle of a sentence Cardinal: ((That's a great thing to hear on a date Cardinal: (("You sound like my mother" caffienatedconfetti: HELLO Knockout: I like the man with the metal detector. Cardinal: This is the part where the birds eat them, right? caffienatedconfetti: I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THIS WIND caffienatedconfetti: ALSO THAT IS VERY CONVINCING DEAD BIRD thenightetc: "Don't touch it!  It's fake!" Zephra85: Give the fake bird an oscar caffienatedconfetti: it's the best actor in this film tbh thenightetc: That's not retirement, it's a sabbatical Zephra85: STOP SAYING RETIREMENT Jalaperilo: it sounds like an interview thenightetc: I was just going to say thenightetc: It's shot like one too caffienatedconfetti: please kill me thenightetc: *total silence* caffienatedconfetti: i'm sorry for suggesting this it was a mistake thenightetc: Suffer with us. caffienatedconfetti: this movie in general is a mistake caffienatedconfetti: also where is the birdemic? where is the shock and terror? Zephra85: yeah seriously can we get to the plot already thenightetc: oh god caffienatedconfetti: end emeeeeeeee thenightetc: That bit right there Knockout: There's a persistent, gentle disgust. Close enough. caffienatedconfetti: did they hire a black guy to dance and pretrend to sing in front of a mic thenightetc: Maybe it's karaoke thenightetc: God, the restaurant is totally empty except for them, isn't it Zephra85: this movie couldn't get the licencing for a single song so they had to write their own Zephra85: it's just as disappointing as the rest of the movie Knockout: This movie's taken something from me I can never get back. thenightetc: I'm sure there's plenty more disappointment in store caffienatedconfetti: your soul? Knockout: Oh, please, no. caffienatedconfetti: OOOOHOHOOH JESUS GOD Knockout: Dear Unicron, no. thenightetc: Why is the tv on caffienatedconfetti: NONONPOE caffienatedconfetti: EW NO caffienatedconfetti: STOP THIS thenightetc: Hey uh if you wanna skip past any of this I'm sure none of us would complain Zephra85: isn't this the same room their friends were getting their bone on thenightetc: I don't know, is there that IMAGINE PEACE sign on the wall? Zephra85: Oh right my bad Knockout: GAAH! Jalaperilo: *** Zephra85: WHAT THE HELL caffienatedconfetti: MY EARS thenightetc: uhhh? Jalaperilo: i fell asleep Zephra85: I BET YOU'RE NOT ASLEEP ANYMORE thenightetc: This is.... sudden caffienatedconfetti: are those kamikaze birbs thenightetc: And unconvincing Jalaperilo: *** myheart Zephra85: HOLY F**** thenightetc: How are they doing that Jalaperilo: i think im dying thenightetc: Birds don't do that caffienatedconfetti: wow look at those graphics caffienatedconfetti: so realistic thenightetc: Pictured: physics probably caffienatedconfetti: i could just reach out and touch them they look so real caffienatedconfetti: RAWKRAWKRAWKRAWL Zephra85: plot twist: no sex happened, they just fell asleep making out caffienatedconfetti: wait what caffienatedconfetti: battery is dead.... in a landline????? thenightetc: They could have, like, started the movie here Jalaperilo: my chest hurts thenightetc: Why do the birds hate them in particular though caffienatedconfetti: yes but then we'd have missed an hour of environmental preaching Zephra85: yeah that's gonna stop them from breaking the glass and getting through the top part of the window Knockout: Just look at them. Jalaperilo: we should have watched The Birds instead Zephra85: Srsly caffienatedconfetti: we could do that next time, it'd probably get the bad taste out of my mouth caffienatedconfetti: "hello stranger thank you for letting us inside your home" caffienatedconfetti: oh god thenightetc: No, I think it's a hotel caffienatedconfetti: clothes hangers caffienatedconfetti: why thenightetc: oh my god Zephra85: wait Zephra85: this looks familiar Zephra85: just this one part caffienatedconfetti: i'm so sorry knockout i made a grievous error thenightetc: That's the only animation they made for them thenightetc: So they have to use it a lot caffienatedconfetti: forgive me Zephra85: ... Knock Out did somebody send this to you at some point as a submission? But like, just this scene? Jalaperilo: thats what you get for suggesting a film you havent seen lol Knockout: That would make sense. thenightetc: They weren't even attacking, just hovering caffienatedconfetti: forgive meeeeeeeee Zephra85: WHERE THE HECK Knockout: The bird noises are upsetting Impact's cats. Zephra85: WHERE DID THOSE GUNS COME FROM thenightetc: You mean you don't carry a gun with you everywhere in case of bird attacks? Jalaperilo: from any atore in murica? Jalaperilo: *store thenightetc: seems legit thenightetc: haha is that a machine gun thenightetc: dude don't gesture with the goddamn gun Zephra85: they're not the kind of guns people just HAVE though caffienatedconfetti: o hello dead dude Jalaperilo: i dont know how gun ownership works. can you tell Zephra85: most unrealistic part part of the movie: a kid willingly sharing his video game with his sister Jalaperilo: ha! thenightetc: Nothing about, like.  Calling the police or something? thenightetc: Just, "oh well these are our kids now" Zephra85: phones aren' working still I guess thenightetc: jesus, what Jalaperilo: grim Zephra85: I feel like I should start drinking heavily in hopes of getting black-out drunk and forgetting I ever saw this movie thenightetc: "welp, he's dead, guess all this stuff is free" thenightetc: So I guess it's apocalyptic now? caffienatedconfetti: idk thenightetc: why are they eating out in the open caffienatedconfetti: i made a grevious error thenightetc: I don't think that's what bird flu does Zephra85: 'good thing I have this dollar-store mask to protect me' Zephra85: oh dear god Jalaperilo: no, the birds are just dicks Zephra85: you'd have to get a whole pig in your arms to match this kind of ham-fisting thenightetc: ikr Knockout: "Orthologist." thenightetc: "the birds know I'm an ornithologist :)" caffienatedconfetti: i am so sorry thenightetc: You should be. thenightetc: some dude in the background just walking on the beach Jalaperilo: time for caffinated to go to the virtual time out corner to think about what they've done Knockout: "Pretty good at ***?" caffienatedconfetti: *sobbing* thenightetc: I heard it too. thenightetc: I think it was supposed to be "shooting" Jalaperilo: that made me laugh Zephra85: oh wow Zephra85: okay Zephra85: w o w Knockout: Point the gun in his face some more. thenightetc: That was... fast?  DId she accidentally shoot her Knockout: Yes. "Accidentally." Zephra85: 'I didn't do anything' isn't very trustworthy first words thenightetc: Just hovering menacingly thenightetc: Like some vast, predatory bird Zephra85: HAAA Jalaperilo: *clapping for the furmanism* thenightetc: *whistles* thenightetc: Are they just... shooting at the bus with a machine gun Zephra85: Nice furmanism Zephra85: HAH thenightetc: ...What thenightetc: Do we want to know aht that was Zephra85: so... a bird exploded, and instead of blood and intestinal tracking they were covered with... vomit? Jalaperilo: gtg. i'm past my limit for bedtime lol. have fun suffering without me x x x Knockout: Run, Jalaperilo human. Run far and fast. Zephra85: Be free, Jalaperilo! Jalaperilo: i will. and I will memorialise your sacrifice in poetry thenightetc: Hahahaha they're just gonna thenightetc: drive off without paying Zephra85: ... it exploded Zephra85: okay that's it I'm drinking thenightetc: The birds have missiles now thenightetc: "bought" thenightetc: hahahahah caffienatedconfetti: its gettin late and i have school tomorrow caffienatedconfetti: sorry icannot stick around and continue to suffer thenightetc: You wimp caffienatedconfetti: well i mean thenightetc: You brought this upon us and now you're leaving? thenightetc: *judgey stare* Zephra85: I feel like I have to see this through to the end now out of spite thenightetc: *so much judgement* Zephra85: YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME, MOVIE caffienatedconfetti: look i'm not dealing with this fallout caffienatedconfetti: they're almost to the treehugger scene and i can't caffienatedconfetti: nooooo thankee caffienatedconfetti: just gonna mosey on outta here thenightetc: Boooooo caffienatedconfetti: maybe change my name Zephra85: Bye!! caffienatedconfetti: great now i feel bad caffienatedconfetti: look i didnt know the movie was THIS boring caffienatedconfetti: btw nice ponytail Zephra85: (blinkblink.blinkblink) Knockout: *Scene missing* thenightetc: ...*Are* those... redwoods? caffienatedconfetti: lol nope caffienatedconfetti: "not enough water" caffienatedconfetti: *running stream in the background* Zephra85: .......... caffienatedconfetti: fine i'll stay\ caffienatedconfetti: despite my tiredness thenightetc: That was like.  A clip from a documentary or something wasn't it Zephra85: w h y caffienatedconfetti: jngkmjnredkvm zzzzz caffienatedconfetti: wait what caffienatedconfetti: mountain lions? caffienatedconfetti: redwoods? thenightetc: "Mountain lions can't climb trees!" caffienatedconfetti: in the same place????? Knockout: Congratulations, caffienated human. You stayed awake and now Treehugger will visit you in your dreams. Knockout: Every single night. caffienatedconfetti: please forigve caffienatedconfetti: i am so sorry thenightetc: *CGI fire* thenightetc: so real.  much danger. caffienatedconfetti: how threaned i am Zephra85: Nobody is ever allowed to give Beast Wars's CGI flack AGAIN thenightetc: behold the folly of man--did the fire cut out just before it changed scenes caffienatedconfetti: KILL ME I DESERVE  IT thenightetc: Your punishment is watching this movie caffienatedconfetti: I HAVE BROUGHT NOTHING BUT SUFFERIIIIIING thenightetc: It's only like 13 more minutes thenightetc: And it's probably going to be 10 minutes of credits with the same music snippet looped forever Knockout: In Birdemic time, that translates to three hours. Zephra85: oh nooo our bf's are dead thenightetc: Uhhhhh Knockout: I choked on fuel. Zephra85: she's still moving and breathing thenightetc: But I thought she died out in the field thenightetc: After whatshername discharged a weapon in her general direction caffienatedconfetti: FACE CUT = DEATH caffienatedconfetti: LOOOOGUC Zephra85: different girl, those two from before were random strangers they met at the hotel thenightetc: Ohhhhhh, right Zephra85: these were their two friends from the beginning caffienatedconfetti: end my life thenightetc: Forgot about that Knockout: How could you forget Imagine Peace human? Zephra85: BUT THERE'S NO FISH TO CAAATCH BECAUSE GLOBAL WARMING KILLED THEM AALLLLL thenightetc: ...That also explains why he's surprised by what's in the van, I guess.  It was their van and they're dead thenightetc: Well I ASSUMED she had more than one shirt caffienatedconfetti: inskifb ukvgm caffienatedconfetti: let's eat seaweed caffienatedconfetti: its clean caffienatedconfetti: probably thenightetc: just eat some seaweed off the ground Knockout: That beach looks polluted. Zephra85: now for a ham-fisted monologue about over-fishing and polution and mORE GLOBAL WARMING caffienatedconfetti: where did they get ball?>???? thenightetc: haha just plop the whole thing right in a pot of water caffienatedconfetti: cooker??? Zephra85: ... sooo you're not gonna gut it or prep it in any way first thenightetc: don't gut it or anything caffienatedconfetti: what is  logic Zephra85: okay then thenightetc: "...YOU eat it first" Zephra85: MOST REALISTIC PART OF THE MOVIE caffienatedconfetti: eewwwwwww thenightetc: Pfff, so much for birds only attacking people in cars Zephra85: in the face of the apocalypse kids complaining that they want junk food caffienatedconfetti: RAWKRAWKRAWK Zephra85: WAKAWKAWAK thenightetc: Ha, he's only NOW run out of bullets Knockout: I'm sure it would have been healthier than the ungutted fish and seawood they found on the ground. Zephra85: sRSLY thenightetc: A happy meal? Oh yeah, probably thenightetc: Are they.... going back for the fist thenightetc: *fish Zephra85: 'We're murdered all but these four humans, our work is done' caffienatedconfetti: winged murder raptors have never been so nonthreatening Zephra85: those child actors look so bored thenightetc: "...oh no they're coming back, BACK TO THE VAN" caffienatedconfetti: nice giraffee neck human dude caffienatedconfetti: oh NOW i canm go to bed caffienatedconfetti: i have suffered enough thenightetc: But the credits :) Zephra85: I think we've all suffered enough for the sake of all existence caffienatedconfetti: thank you caffienatedconfetti: again, i am very sorry thenightetc: Ooooo! caffienatedconfetti: knockout caffienatedconfetti: why Zephra85: Because you obviously didn't get enough birds, Knock Out thenightetc: Dirty bird. caffienatedconfetti: what???? caffienatedconfetti: fat birb caffienatedconfetti: wait what thenightetc: *growing suspician* caffienatedconfetti: oh caffienatedconfetti: um caffienatedconfetti: oh dear caffienatedconfetti: this is 1000x better tho thenightetc: Well Zephra85: oh my god thenightetc: This is amazing caffienatedconfetti: wait what caffienatedconfetti: did they..... did they nail a whole chicken to a tree????? Zephra85: oh god I laughed really loud with that last one Zephra85: I think so caffienatedconfetti: kncokout look up the parrote sketch, monty python caffienatedconfetti: *parrot Zephra85: THE PARROT SKETCH thenightetc: Fantastic choice, Knock Out; it makes up for the entire movie. caffienatedconfetti: this si human humor at its finest Knockout: Whatever helps us all to heal. Zephra85: the first time I heard this sketch it was an audio only caffienatedconfetti: its very british Zephra85: so it was like a radio play Zephra85: it played out perfectly caffienatedconfetti: also john cleese is in it so it's already amazing thenightetc: oh my god caffienatedconfetti: POOOOOLLLY Zephra85: I would have no desire to touch and put my mouth near a dead bird caffienatedconfetti: you can't prove you didn't do that with starscream's corpse caffienatedconfetti: WAAAAAKE UP caffienatedconfetti: SLAP Zephra85: EX PARROT caffienatedconfetti: he's so bitish i love him thenightetc: But... how. caffienatedconfetti: because caffienatedconfetti: oh dear thee goes the fourth wall Zephra85: the fourth wall is overrated caffienatedconfetti: why this caffienatedconfetti: why thios so good caffienatedconfetti: GET ON WITH IT Zephra85: classic caffienatedconfetti: 10000/10 Knockout: Beautiful. Knockout: A much better note to end on. caffienatedconfetti: think of it as my way of making up for my crimes caffienatedconfetti: noiw if you'll excuse me caffienatedconfetti: my bed is calling my name thenightetc: Goodnight! Zephra85: yeah I need to stretch myself out a bit Knockout: Good night. Enjoy a mostly-guilt free sleep! Zephra85: thanks for the stream Knock Out! Zephra85: Say high to the family for me! caffienatedconfetti: oloolololo thanks knockzo Knockout: My pleasure! Thank you for enduring it with me. Zephra85: I feel triumphant that it did not break me caffienatedconfetti: do owls seem less scary now Zephra85: 'Night everybody! caffienatedconfetti: or more scary caffienatedconfetti: because they are, in fact, birbs caffienatedconfetti: heuehehue caffienatedconfetti: lol nvm caffienatedconfetti: just joking around caffienatedconfetti: bedtiiiime caffienatedconfetti: night