#i say this as i'm painting my face with greasepaint and i literally have a clown nose under my bed and my comedically large shoes on

[greaserink]

I'd knew you'd be into Buggy

who's buggy i dunno what ur talkin about

[kabr0ztrousers]

Let me start off by saying that everything I've read from you so far has been amazing! Ok so I used to be terrified of clowns but now I adore them. Fem reader who is scared of clowns and super timid gets dragged to a fair by a friend. One of the clowns notices and tries to cheer her up maybe tripping over himself and just being goofy. He takes her to a tent and fucks her with his other clown friends showing her there's no reasons to fear clowns. Super fluffy please!

Kabr0z Writes Episode 37: Coulrophilia

Find the rest of the Kabr0z Writes anthology here!

CWs: Clowns; intox; group sex; enthusiastic consent;

A/N: Clowns aren't a thing I naturally find sexy, so we'll see how this one goes. Thanks for the request either way!

There's 4 or 5 stories to get through before the ask box empties out, so please if you have a request or an idea, send an ask or a DM and it'll get added to the pile!

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If there's one thing that's always made your skin crawl, it's clowns. Not that there weren't things that didn't scare you otherwise, you've never quite had a head for heights and spiders can just generally do one, but clowns always made you uneasy. That said, here you were at the circus. Primary habitat of your natural enemy. Your friends had convinced you to tag along, placating you that it'd be fun and you wouldn't even see a clown unless you went into the big top.

They lied, of course. The place was crawling with clowns, seemingly everywhere you looked there were at least two or three. That along with your friends having disappeared almost as soon as you passed the ticket booth, you weren't having the best of times.

Something honked behind you. You tried to ignore it, but it honked again. One of those pale-faced freaks trying to get your attention. You turned to tell them to kindly sod off or point you to the exit.

The clown wasn't there, then another honk came from behind you. You turned again, still no clown. Another honk-honk. You quarter-turned, then shot back in time to see a young man with a greasepaint grin pratfall on front of you. You stifled a chuckle as the man feigned trying to get up a couple of times, each time comically failing in more audacious ways until with an impressive backflip, he landed on his feet, swaying dramatically.

"Well hel-lo there ma'am" His over-pronounced southern drawl was a bit much, but fit the vibe "Are ya havin' a good time?"

You smiled at him, "I'm not much for circuses, and I've lost my friends"

The clown mock-cried when you told him your predicament, pulling hanky after hanky out of his sleeves and dabbing at his eyes "Well, can't have that, can we? Would a balloon pal make it better?" Before you could respond he was already halfway through making a poodle from a long balloon, what could you do but accept it?

"What ya' gonna name him?"

"Squeak!" The name popped into your head. You noticed you're smiling now, the clown noticed it too

"That's a good name" he gave an exaggerated nod "Tell you what, I'll put out some feelers to find your pals, 'til then, would ya like to meet mine?"

You smiled and nodded. The clown produced a hobby horse from the baggy silks of his outfit and 'mounted' it "Well, just follow me, the Clown Ranger!" He galloped off, but not so fast you couldn't stay on his tails as he guided you through the throngs of people, pausing every so often to pull an attendant's ear or dazzle someone with a quick card trick.

Deeper and deeper into the circus you went, the music of the calliope organ getting louder as you drew towards the tents in the middle. The clown lifted a tent flap and motioned inside"After you, Mon Ami"

You stepped in, and blanched. If you thought outside was bad, this was clown central. Literally. A man on stilts was holding a clipboard, calling out commands to the garishly painted mob below, who was needed where, what tent needed a moment to set something up, whose act had gone awry and clowns had to pick up the slack. Your clown cowboy was behind you, fastening the flap back up and motioned to the stilted one.

The chief clown bent down to listen, perfectly balanced even though the stilts were as long as you were tall. He was dressed in black and white with a perfectly even white face besides a pair of exaggerated red lips and gleaming red nose. The lead clown nodded and leant down to you, he spoke with a faint French accent "So, you have lost your fellows, yes? Please tell me what they look like, we will let them know where you are"

You gave a description to the clown, who reared up and called it to the arrayed fools, buffoons and jesters before coming back to you "You are welcome to wait in here, Ranger Rick will keep you company. Enjoy!"

Your newfound clown friend took your hand and swept you to a quiet part of the tent "This is the green room," the accent was gone now, "a bit quieter for you. Wanna see some magic?"

You nodded and the clown grabbed a deck of cards, dazzling you with his sleight of hand, occasionally seeming to screw up a trick to make you laugh before pulling your card or a coin from somewhere seemingly impossible

A couple more clowns stepped into the room and joined in the fun, before long you were in tears of laughter as they riffed off one another.

The night dragged on, and your friends weren't found, the clowns reckoned they'd probably left the circus already. You couldn't help but feel bummed out at that, seeing as they dragged you there to begin with. It was only you, your cowboy and two others in the room, the cacophony from outside dying down.

You and the clowns were sat on some benches, passing around a hip flask, enjoying your own private after-party. The men in front of you were still cracking jokes, though the more they drank the bawdier they got. After recovering from a particularly vile gag about a priest, a nun, and a donkey, you felt butterflies in your stomach. Whatever was in the flask was strong. You'd always had a weakness for a man who could make you laugh, and you were always a bit too easy when you'd had a few drinks.

You budged up to the Clown Ranger, putting your arm behind him and giving an experimental pat on his ass. It was a lot firmer than those oversized trousers gave him credit for. You saw him blush a little despite his makeup as he looked bashfully away from you.

The other clowns noticed "Oi, oi! The cowboy's pulled!" The one on your left called out, thumbs in his suspenders, bowler hat perched on his head. The other just gave a deep belly laugh "He gets all the ladies, never any for us Bozos!"

You cocked an eyebrow at the one in the hat, then the other "You know, I've never had a four-way before..." You spoke as sweetly as you could, the liquor wasn't making it easy to mask your desire for the men around you.

The clowns looked at one another, speechless for the first time in the night. You blushed hard and hunched your shoulders, certain you'd killed the mood. You stood up to leave before you made a bigger fool of yourself.

You stopped when you saw the looks in their eyes. They were all trying to figure out if you were serious, or if you were just joking. You paused to make sure, and certain enough you could feel the desire in the looks they gave you.

Sod it.

You kissed the cowboy. Dragging him to his feet by his comedic lapels. He kissed back, one hand on your back, unfastening your bra through your shirt, the other gripping your ass.

The other two were standing too now, stroking your body as they gently undressed you. Button by button they unfastened your blouse, letting it fall to the sawdust floor before sliding off your bra, leaving you topless as you enjoyed the attention of the three men worshipping your body. You unbuttoned the cowboy's waistband and his pants fell, revealing white boxers patterned with love hearts, which you opened to pull out his cock. It was already rock hard in your hand, thick and uncircumcised. You started with the balls, licking and sucking them before licking all the way to the tip of his cock, savoring the scent of it as you went. The other two followed suit and exposed themselves to you. A cock in each hand and one in your mouth, you sucked and jerked them. All three men were panting over you as you went, feeling your wetness dripping from you and soaking into your underwear. You're glad you wore a skirt, your jeans would be ruined by now.

You pulled off your soaked panties and stood back up, still facing your cowboy as you pushed him back down onto the bench behind him before mounting him. His cock was throbbing against you as you rubbed it against your clit, coating it with your wetness before lining it up and sitting down on it.

He whimpered as it went in, the look of bliss on his face clashing with the painted rictus grin. The one in the hat held his cock beside you. You turned your head to suck it as you rode your cowboy, presenting your asshole to the final clown behind you.

You're not sure where he got a bottle of lube from, but you're glad he had it. The clown in your rear was the biggest of the three, gently pushing it in, stretching you out as you felt the two cocks frotting against one another inside you.

Hands were on every inch of you, your tits, your waist, the sides of your head, your own were busy on your clit and teasing the balls of the one in your mouth.

Your orgasm came easily, quickly followed by another and another, groans muffled by the cock you were sucking on as you buried the cock below you in your pussy. The cowboy must've felt it, you could feel him start to pulse and paint your cunt with his cum. You took the cock out of your mouth to pull his head to yours and kiss him as he dumped his load, pushing your tongue into his mouth. Next was the one in your ass, pushing himself deep into you before releasing into your guts, gripping your tits and squeezing as the last few humps exhausted him.

Finally the one in the hat brought himself off over your face. You opened your mouth to catch as much as you could, but you couldn't help loving the feeling of his cum spattering across your face in hot ropes.

You stayed for a moment, panting and sweating. Feeling the men going soft in you as their juices gently leaked out of you.

Then the one in the hat gave you a handkerchief. Then another. Then another.

"Sorry, they're all tied together"

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Pleasant clown gangbang. More plot that I expected, less than I could've done.

Once again, if you have a request, an idea, a fetish, whatever, drop an ask. As long as it's within the very minimal boundaries in my pinned, it'll probably get written, completely free of charge! It's literally a free commission!

One last note: I did a surprising amount of research on clown makeup for this, it's a fascinating world as it turns out, but cut most of it to avoid writing a treatise on clowning. Ah, well, maybe one day

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hey, I'd like to request a matchup with Arthur if that's ok for you :3 I'm 5"5, brown hair, green eyes, a tiny bit plump bc of my hips amd curves, I LOVE old movies and music (everything from Frank Sinatra, Led Zeppelin, Beatles, The Who etc.) and I love dancing and feeling the music. I spend my free time mostly with reading and cooking (it brings me immense joy to care for and pamper my loved ones). I'm pretty introverted, but can get quiet lively around the right people :)

Hi, darling! That’s more than okay with me, omg I hope that you enjoy this, my love!💙

Total wc: 2,393.

Arthur // wc: 1, 100.

There is a three inch height difference between yourself and Arthur and he adores ducking his head to kiss the crown of your head, his nose nuzzling into the dark strands to inhale you at your most natural. His nose is filled with your scent and long after he says goodbye or good night to you, you keep him company. Sometimes when he thinks that you’re not real, so twisted and tormented is his mind, your scent proves him wrong. His imagination has never been that vivid for so long a stretch of time, so consistently is your scent with him. It’s saturated into his clothing, embedded in his mind. Arthur adores looking into your green eyes, and when he cups your face in his hands, his fingers spread wide behind your ears so that he can touch as much of you as he possibly can in the same moment, he likes to press his forehead against yours. He is home. You are curvy and Arthur cherishes you; he likes to have his hand on your hips when you cook; his sharp chin resting on the curve of your shoulder. His thin lips, cool to the touch, press reverent kisses to your neck as he watches you and just indulges in this moment of closeness and of domesticity; this moment and you are everything he has ever wanted or needed and he hardly dares to believe what is so very clearly right in front of him. Arthur loves you for all of you and that will never be any different.

If there’s one thing which you and Arthur have in common, it’s your love of old movies and music. The first time Arthur came home from a long gruelling shift at Ha-Ha’s to see you dancing and feeling music in the living room, he was breathless and utterly captivated by the way you moved your body to the music. You were just like him. Arthur had thought that he couldn’t fall any deeper in love with you, but in that moment had he been proven wrong. And, oh, how right being wrong felt in this moment! You communicate with each other through music. Most often does Arthur not know how he feels and all he has to do is select a relevant song and you can pick up on his mood relatively easily; you’re both so intuitive and emotionally intelligent and you can both feel the arts you surround yourselves with. When Arthur comes home from work to see you dancing, your eyes closed to better feel the music and allow it to guide your body, he cannot help spinning you around the small cramped space of the living room; he cherishes every moment he gets with you. With you, he feels like he’s living in those old films he loves so much. During the rare evenings when both of you are off and you have the time to yourselves, the both of you watch old films (most of which you both enjoy so there is never any trouble to pick a film, and even if there is, Arthur will deliberately pick the one you want to watch; it’s another way in which he shows affection) and you cuddle together on the worn sofa. 

It brings you immense joy to comfort and pamper your loved ones and this is something else which you have in common with Arthur.  He likes to spread joy and laughter to this cold, dark world and in this way you both bring light and warmth to all who cross your path. Most especially is this true for one another, though, for in simply being yourselves every day do you look after and take care of each other. Arthur is your greatest priority, and you are his greatest priority. You are made for each other! Arthur really enjoys hearing of ways you have helped someone else or of ways you have taken care of someone, and he most often says, “awh, that’s sweet” when you want to focus on him. Sometimes he hardly dares to even believe that you’re real; you’re too good to be true and with you does he find everything he has ever wanted or needed in his entire life, let alone in one person. You comfort each other with just your respective presences in the apartment; and if one of you is home then the other one is too. Home isn’t necessarily a place, but it’s definitely a person. You like to read and cook in your spare time and this simple domesticity is everything that Arthur has ever dreamed of. You are his one and only person who understands him, and finally, after almost thirty six years of yearning, does he have his own space, but not all alone. You are his entire life and every time you take care of him, Arthur returns the favour tenfold. He would be nothing and no one without you, but with you, why, he has it all.

The both of you are introverts and you spend lots of time together when neither of you has anything to do, when at last has the day been put away and reality is set aside for a few precious hours. The contrast between who you are around people you don’t know and how you are around people you do know takes Arthur by surprise when first does he see you interact with the right person. He longs to be one of those people and he doesn’t have to wait long before dream becomes reality in this respect. Actually, Arthur is pretty sure that you are his dream; there can be no other explanation for how perfect you are and how much he loves you. If there is another explanation, then Arthur doesn’t want to hear it. He only wants you as you are in any given moment; you’re perfect. As the weeks turn to months, Arthur is gifted with coming to see your truest self. This inspires him to relax around you in kind, and the two of you lead one another into the relationship you have now. You are his entire life and Arthur will spend the rest of his time on Earth showing this to you. Never will you doubt even second that he doesn’t love you, just as he will never doubt your love for him, for your voice is louder than his demons; their power diminishes in your presence and never does he want to spend even a single day without you now that he knows what life with you is really like.

Joker // wc: 1, 293.

That three inch height difference is still something which Joker adores. It’s not a big difference in height and it’s not even something which means anything to anyone but Joker, but it still means that Joker can kiss the top of your head whenever he so chooses. Just one easy duck of his head and the red greasepaint which adorns his lips is sticky enough to linger long after he’s raised his head with a smug grin. Joker loves to leave his mark on you in this way. By this time in your relationship, Joker knows that you are real and he no longer doubts it, though he is still a victim of the worries which plague his mind. Even just the thought of you is enough to keep Joker company when he’s out werewolfing in the dirty and filthy streets of Gotham, and he always hurries home to you, wanting more time with his one and only person. Joker would know you anywhere and when he smells remnants of your presence around him, even if it’s just a slight hint coming off of his crimson blazer when the wind blows just right, Joker knows that he is home. Home is not a place, it’s you.  He feels more at ease, more peaceful, with you in his life and though he wouldn’t wish his almost thirty six years of suffering on anyone, he would do it all again if it meant that he would have you once more. When first did Joker swan in to apartment 8J after he had murdered Murray Franklin live on national television, he felt out of place, like he was participating in a life which was no longer his, a life which no longer fit, but one look into your green eyes, those eyes which were his own and yet so different, and Joker knew that he was right where he needed to be. Your roles reversed as in that moment did you reach out and cup Joker’s face in your hands, your fingers splayed in those dark green romantic waves, and you pressed a kiss to his painted forehead. Your eyes met his own, you welcomed him home and you accepted him all in the same moment, and Joker’s knees would have given out had you not already been holding him. ALl he could think of in that moment was that he was right where he was needed, wanted, and loved.

One thing is for sure and that is that Joker has music in his soul. He dances to the beat of his own heart and your love for him is the track which accompanies this beat. You flow through his veins so strongly and when Joker is unable to fully express himself, he tells you that you are the music in him. You bond over Sinatra and his music is the one which the two of you dance to often. No matter what happens or what mood either of you are in, you have songs to connect to on their own and you have songs to connect with each other. Your dances are instinctive and while neither of you are professionally trained dancers, you don’t need to be. You can feel the music like it’s part of you and in this way are you more intuitive. The song you are listening to becomes you for its duration and you live within music, while most others only listen to it. Joker adores having you in his arms and he loves to spin you out and to pull you back in with a kiss which steals the very breath from your lungs and he replaces it with his own; you breathe life into each other literally and metaphorically in these moments and neither of you would ever have it any other way. Joker feels more alive with you than he has ever felt and he knows that you are his first and his only love. When most others have turned their faces away from unknown, unseen Arthur Fleck and muted his song without even bothering to listen to it, you stopped to listen and to learn it as well as you know your own song and you know deep within your core that never again do you ever want to hear another song. You wish to sink into his refrains and to never resurface. You are home.

You spend your free time reading and cooking and Joker finds that the familiarity of you and your hobbies calms his racing heart faster than anything else. Whenever he comes home from the grimy and filthy streets of Gotham, he already knows even before he's through the door that he will find you on the worn sofa reading; your legs tucked up underneath you. Joker has never been so loved and so well looked after in all of his thirty five years than he has in the months that he's been with you. It brings you lots of joy to take care of your loved ones and Joker loves the way that you love him. He makes sure to love you just as strongly and just as deeply, for reciprocity is his largest concern. Never, for even a moment, does Joker allow you to question his love for you. Daily does he love on you so hard that the thought never crosses your mind and that's just how he prefers it. You're such a wonderful person and Joker really admires the way that you take care of other people. He likes to sit back and watch you and he will only ever step in if you neglected yourself for the sake of others; this includes himself. He makes sure that he tells you every day that he loves you and that he's proud of you. You're the kind of person that he thinks everyone should be like and somewhere deep within his soul does Joker know that never again will he love another; you're his one and only for now and forever. But not even until death do you part for his love for you goes beyond that.

By this stage in your relationship, you and Joker know each other like the backs of your hands. Joker knows how you are around the right people and every time he thinks he can't love you any more, he's proven wrong when he sees you chatting lively to someone across the other side of the room; he marvels at your confidence. His own confidence is as much of a disguise as his face paint, but your confidence comes naturally to you when you're able to vibe with the right people and Joker wonders how you do it. You’re a mystery to him sometimes but he loves you all the more for the way you so naturally are yourself even with everything you’ve ever been through. You’re so strong and brave in yourself. He loves you so much he could choke on it sometimes and quiet evenings with you is something that he cherishes. Joker likes to read his old government issue battered brown journal while you read beside him, the two of you cuddling and quietly talking the evening away. You are his one and only person who understands him and finally is someone in his space but no longer was here all alone. You are the beginning of his forever, and he is the beginning of your forever. Joker is utterly devoted to you and his life is in your hands, just as your life is in his hands, and the two of you are finally home. You’re so in love that it hurts, but meeting him was the best thing which ever happened to you and Joker echoes that same sentiment.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

the unlikely streak of good episodes is piddling out to an undignified end but my nails need another coat of paint so. one more for the night I guess.

Gotham 4x12

do I think my Ivy pitch was better YES will I miss the very cute actress we've had who first replaced Ivy YES but omggggg hi Peyton List I haven't seen you since the Flash

I'm so charmed that Lee's first big moves as a crime boss are (checks notes) community organizing and mutual aid

what the fuck were the odds that not two, not three, but SIX major characters were present for this one explosion for mostly unrelated reasons

they're applying the Grundy makeup BARELY to the edge of Drew Powell's face at this point I have to assume the interns didn't manage to steal enough greasepaint from spirit halloween

... or they're saving it for Jerome?

I just want Lucius Fox to have one safe pleasant and normal day

listen I've made very clear that I don't particularly care for Jimothy but I do admire Ben McKenzie's dedication to the bit. the commitment to utterly deadpanning a line like "there's a machine gun built into the hand of this wooden nutcracker here" is without peer

please don't make her dress sexy I'm really feeling Ivy just wandering around with soaking wet hair in a big shitty sweater and docs

hey congrats to Barbara and Tabby and Selina on filming the worst commercial ever but why does Ivy think she hated Selina :( girl that was your best friend you literally brought her back from the brink of death

none of this would be happening at Barbara Kean's School for Wayward Young Girls I'll tell you that much

Alfred is absolutely about to get this poor woman killed oh my god

well is it moss or is it poison ivy come on now

god Barbara's wigs just keep getting uglier

REALLY respect that Selina saw her ex boyfriend and her best friend having simultaneous meltdowns and without hesitation decided to focus on her best friend her priorities are so correct

Alfred did in fact get a woman murdered. cool.

so many versions of Batman have Alfred keeping Bruce tethered to his mortality but this Alfred apparently requires Bruce's presence to prevent him from careening around Gotham wreaking havoc and leaving bloodshed everywhere he goes

what was the point of making him Solomon Grundy tho

Riddler down so bad he's speaking in rhyming couplets this is insane

I don't know whose idea it was that Ed should just spend a couple episodes kicking it as the doting moral support while Lee's on the Narrows campaign trail but they were. correct.

oh my god Harvey and Alfred depression era vigilante buddy comedy

all the love in my heart for (some of) Legends of Tomorrow but we really were robbed when the rogues got yanked away from the Flash... imagine if we'd gotten more of Golden Glider... what if they'd really let Peyton List get crazy...

can NOT say I'm loving this new Ivy characterization though :/ very powerful but unfortunately at the cost of being any fun at all

SKJKDHFJSLFSD'KFDJFLGJDLLFSDF RIDDLER SELF BETRAYAL ??? oh my god massive L

don't get me wrong depicting """split personalities""" in this cartoonishly evil way is very very very bad but oh my goddddd imagine getting so horny that the evil half of your brain kicks in and decides that he needs to hire an assassin to kill the woman you're so horny about so you can function again.

"nice job, Ed. I guess" is honestly maybe the nicest thing anyone who's not Oswald has ever said to him

Alfred about to evade the long arm of the law once again by scurrying free while Jim and Harvey tearfully make love on top of this very sticky bar

oh my god wait Harvey Bullock has discovered the power of self esteem I LOVE when people who are obsessed with Jim Gordon's dick realize they can do better. HE LITERALLY SAID HIT THE BRICKS GO OFF KING !!!

in conclusion: maybe season 4 is still okay actually

yeah hi we're doing this again because I had fun last night. yeehaw.

Gotham 4x10

another tasteful depiction of mental illness courtesy of Gotham!

The Batman (2022) was actually ripping off this episode of Gotham when it used Ave Maria

less than four minutes in and we've already got one (1) character who's a.) a scary mentally ill person and b.) a scary Black person and c.) a DEAD Black person all in one. god I hate this show

OH NO NOT RIDDLER BANGS

Pyg claiming that he "terrified the city for months" when he was in like three episodes has me in shambles what the fuck is the timeline of this show

guys I'm really sorry I don't have a lot of funny goofgoof commentary for this one but this is actually just a pretty tight ep for Gotham. like not a single plotline makes me want to put my head in a cement mixer that's pretty big here

Jimbles really just ordered one of his cops to escort a woman all the way to FLORIDA surely you can't make an employee do that with no notice

damn I guess Oswald's a dad now fr

arguably THEE cuntiest thing Oswald has ever said or done I LOVE this for him. and he's not even lying his parents actually did love him. what a FLEX.

oh okay oswald is super duper NOT a father actually. jesus christ in heaven.

oh okay yes he is I guess. the whiplash in this episode is crazy. but either way the kid is leaving so. but god man this little freak just can't stop caring about people no matter how much it gets used against him I'm emo

spoke too soon about there not being any plotlines that make me want to put my head in a cement mixer because THE EVIL HALLUCINATORY REFLECTION RIDDLER IS BACK god damn it ALL

can I not know one day of peace

[ajokeformur-ray]

For the match up, I've never made a big deal out of my appearance and I don't really put much effort into it. I'm 5'2, blonde hair and big blue eyes. My cheeks are really chubby, I've got one of those cherub/angel baby type of faces and I've been tortured with so many cheek pinches! I enjoy listening to music, I like the quiet and I don't leave the house a lot unless needed. Skittish, very anxious. I don't know how to dance but I'd like to learn. Not much of a talker, I prefer listening.

Arthur // wc: 504.

Side note: I’m obsessed with the way his hair bounces as he lets it go omggggg~

I feel like the thing about you that grabbed Arthur’s attention first off was your blonde hair; it was such a rainy, gloomy day in Gotham and your hair was the literal brightest thing he had seen all day; in that moment were you a ray of sunshine. 

In your relationship, Arthur therefore sometimes calls you sunshine or honeybee; anything which reminds him of that precise moment when he saw you after a crappy shift and felt, for the first time in as long as he could remember, warm.

There’s a height difference between the two of you; he is 5′8 and you’re 5′2. He doesn’t crack short jokes (it’d be hypocritical of him) but he does feel incredibly protective of you. For Arthur, because you’re shorter than he is, you fit perfectly into his arms and this just makes him want to squirrel you away and protect you in his apartment for the rest of your lives together. However, he doesn’t want to taint your view of him and so he keeps such thoughts to himself. He knows it’s unhealthy and he tries so hard to hide that part of him from you.

From the sounds of it, you don’t like having your cheeks pinched and if Arthur is ever with you when it happens, he would make a small sympathetic noise and, if you’re all right with him doing so (he would ask by way of slowly going to touch your cheek, giving you time to pull away; and he will listen to you non verbally and verbally), he would cup your cheeks in his hands and murmur something like, “you’re my angel” and kiss both of your cheeks to get rid of the touches you don’t like.

Arthur would be the most understanding person when it comes to your being skittish and anxious; he would do his absolute best to learn what makes you skittish, what helps you, how to approach you so you don’t jump, how to announce himself if he comes up from behind you for whatever reason (though he does his best to avoid doing so). If ever Arthur made you jump or scared you, he would feel instantly guilty, so much so that he likely wouldn’t be able to sleep that night, muttering apologies over and over again throughout the rest of the night. When it comes to your anxiety does he always listen to everything you have to say, waiting until you stop before he says anything to help you. 

You’re not much of a talker so Arthur would feed off your non-verbal body language cues to figure out what you’re not saying. It’s this that he would listen to and it’s this that he would answer. When you’re really anxious, Arthur would use your want to learn how to dance to do just that - he’d pull you up off the worn sofa and into his arms, spinning out with you and dancing with you and doing his best to make you smile. Just smile.

Joker // wc: 686.

Despite how put together our darling Joker looks, he really isn’t all that bothered with his greasepaint; it’s ragged edges, it’s uneven layers, but within its imperfection is it perfect. He would love the fact that you’re not all that bothered with your appearance; it’s something you’re not concerned about because other things are more important. Even still, Joker would compliment your every outfit. It’s usually one of the first things he says to you every day, stuff like: “Ooh, lookin’ good, doll!” or “*long dramatic audible groan (like the one he did on Murray)* “I love that on you!”

If you thought that Arthur was protective, omlllllll, honey!!!! Joker is Arthur without the mask, without the pretense or the efforts in being and doing good, so where he entertained thoughts before of keeping you in his apartment where he knows no harm will ever come to you, Joker has to work harder than he ever has before to make sure that he never gives in to those feelings. He can’t help his unhealthy thoughts and that’s precisely why he never acts on them, though he makes no effort to hide how much he loves it when you have a day to spend just at home, just the two of you.

He loves your eyes. He loves them so much and looking into them, so that blue meet green, and it always makes the macabre red painted smile on his face perfectly match his real smile. Yes - only you can make Joker, no… Arthur, smile like that. Only you. When you’re upset or scared, or when you just need some loving, Joker would cup your face in his hands as he moves to kiss you and look right into your eyes right up until his lips meet yours; his eyes fluttering shut at your touch and the flash of blue. He’d do anything to see that blue every day for the rest of his life. Anything.

Joker has always cupped your cheeks in his hands when he kisses you. Forehead kisses, temple kisses, cheek kisses, kisses on the mouth… He will grab your face unceremoniously between his hands and kiss you; it’s just his love language; to hold his entire world in his hands. But he wouldn’t ever pinch your cheeks. Sure, he might smile and say something to mock all those who do pinch your cheeks, like “there’s my angel” but he wouldn’t ever cross that line. If he ever witnessed someone pinching your cheeks (going off on your tone, which sounds like you dislike the action), then he would slap their hands away from you and immediately cup your face in his own to kiss away the damage; whether he can see it or not.  

You don’t like to leave the house unless you need to, whereas Joker loves nothing more than going out during all hours of the day and night, wandering around Gotham looking for awful people who will get what they deserve by his hand, for he is the king of nothing. As such, Joker loves coming home because he knows you’ll be there, and he enjoys the way your face lights up as he saunters through the door. You like the quiet life, and you love music, which is pretty perfect for Joker because… 

Music is how he reaches you. When you’re skittish or anxious (by now is he almost an expert on your verbal and non-verbal body language cues, so he knows how to help you, and how best than through music? does he sweep you up into his arms with a small and soft smile on his face, his green eyes holding your blue ones perfectly. He croons the lyrics of Frank Sinatra to you as he spins you around the living room, and every now and then does he murmur instructions or tips to help you learn how to dance while you’re doing it. The best piece of advice he gives you, though, is just to follow the natural rhythm of your body; to dance to the beat of your own heart, just like he does.