#i say that a lot but its really bc i have to process messages like this

[xbadnews-a]

tonight i've been almost entirely unavailable ooc! I've been painting & drawing & listening to cr. i just haven't been in the right headspace to be talking to people so I've stayed mostly to myself <3

[mythalism]

more me verbally processing my feelings on this game and it's story that i sent in discord but i know reading these things can be helpful to others processing so im sharing them here <3

even though i think i personally am able to find coherent meaning in solas's ending, specifically the status of the veil, and i do think its good and i like it, i really have to work to do it. the way its written is kind of confusing because the message is like ok. let go of your regrets. but you also have to atone for your mistakes. but solas believes he is atoning by taking the veil back down and bringing immortality back and making sure more spirits are not turned into demons? but the story tells us that version of atonement is Wrong, but why is it wrong? because people will die? but people also die because of the veil? mages are mass incarcerated and lobotimized bc of the veil, elves have been enslaved for millenia, PEOPLE AGE AND DIE, BECAUSE OF THE VEIL? so he isnt supposed to atone for that mistake by fixing it he's just supposed to accept it and let go? so are we supposed to atone for our mistakes or not? what determines whether or not we need to atone? he has to atone for what he did to the titans but not what he did by accident to his own people i guess? and he is going to atone by maintaining the status quo that he created because people have gotten used to it?

i think the answer based on the regret prison scene with rook escaping with varric's help and that banger line of varric's is to take accountability and own up to your choices, they are yours and no one can take them from you. rook says something to one of the regret statues (for me it was harding) thats like "i made a choice and so did you and you knew the risks" or something so i think that is the key. solas cannot accept his choices and so he is desperate to undo them no matter what kind of harm it may do. he is trapped in regret and the past to the point that he cant accept them and move forward, and varric is the perfect contrast of this with how readily he accepts his death as a consequence of his love and hope for his friend. even mythal accepts her own choices when she tells solas that she turned him from his purpose. and she doesnt apologize or even express regret at all, partly because shes a crazy bitch (affectionate) but partly because i think her quiet, cold acceptance is part of the lesson solas needs to learn in that moment. solas is constantly saying, "im sorry, but", "ir abelas, vhenan, but i cannot". mythal just states her actions plainly; i forced you to take a body, i brought you into war, these burdens are ours to bear together, i release you. no apology, no rumination, she is at peace with her decision even though it is wrong. i think this works wonderfully on a personal individual level of personal regrets. it is a good lesson; regret does not serve any purpose other than to hurt you. it brings no one back, it helps nothing, it does not make the world a better place. solas has to let go of his regrets so that he can become the hero that varric sees deep down in him. it is an essential part of his personal journey as a character... but it gets stickier when we are talking about systemic change. obvi a lot of dragon age's modern, young audience is very much in favor of "tear it all down!!" and i am too but i think with solas they are trying to tell a very personal and individual story of a man and his regrets rather than make a social commentary on radical change, but they also dont make that clear enough, so the two get muddied together when it comes to the question of the veil in a way that feels like they are advocating for maintaining the status quo, which i dont think was their intention.

i think this is so muddied because inquisition very much makes clear commentary on systems and institutions with the chantry, the orlesian empire, ferelden monarchy, mages and templars, and the inquisition itself being all vulnerable to corruption, and solas has a lot to say about all of this and he is very much presented as being right (like when he tells you about the corruption in your own ranks in trespasser and how hes spying on you lol) and then veilguard does not do this AT ALL, all of the issues are very personal ones of people and their identity, people and their family, people and their regrets etc. so i think a lot of us are in this mindset from inquisition of like.... yeah disrupt the status quo install a puppetmaster elf to rule an imperialist empire, make leliana pope and radicalize the chantry even if its bloody, dissolve the inquisition, abolish the circles etc. etc. and the question of the veil is very much an extension of these philosophical questions about systems and organizations. and for those of us who leaned towards dissolution of all of those corrupt structures, dissolution of the veil is the logical conclusion to a story thats sending us that message. but then veilguard just. does not even engage with these topics at all. like its not even a question. it takes the question of the veil and translates it into a personal issue of solas's psyche (which is super interesting, just different) and connects it to his past actions, his relationship with mythal, and his perception of himself, rather than a macro-level question of what is best for the world when pursuing change, and the answer for solas on a personal level ends up being different from the answer that inquisition was asking us, but it feels disjointed as a result.

so the veil staying up was the right decision because it forced solas to let go of his regrets and the game is about him. so it was an exercise in his therapy session with his two ex-gfs and some annoying kid who wont leave him alone. but the problem is it doesn't answer or engage with the greater questions and themes about systemic change that the series has been building up to.

veilguard is interesting because it wants to be dragon age 2 so bad while simultaneously being terrified of dragon age 2. solas bringing down the veil would have been the answer to the question that anders blowing up the chantry asked, but veilguard decided to ask a completely different question instead. and i think it did a good job in that specific goal, but it doesnt satisfy 15 years of build up and instead just throws it out the window in favor of something else.

[snapscube]

hey penny!! i hope you're doing good :] not sure if you're looking for any feedback right now for midnight snap so if this message is unwarranted then no hard feelings at all <3 maybe it's just me and tbh it's hard for me to tell bc it's probably subjective, but as someone who's particularly sensitive to sound it sometimes feels like your voice gets lost in certain game music in your videos. i've listened both on mobile and on desktop and i think it's worse on desktop, more comfortable on mobile (for some reason). like, i find myself straining to hear you and pretty often i need to pause to take breaks because i get easily overstimulated. it's definitely not sfx that get me, just background music you know??? i especially noticed it in your freddi fish video around the start of the second game, but it's in other videos too like when you played animal crossing. it isn't too bad though tbh, still overall a super cozy series and i'm grateful you're still doing it!! if everything stays the same, i'll still watch it. i'd really love to know what you think and if you can confirm if anyone else has said something like this, i wonder if there's any merit to what i'm saying cause i just wanna help ^^;

i appreciate the feedback! i'll admit i'm still definitely trying to nail down the sound mixing of Midnight Snap. there's a LOT that goes into it between recording environment, VST setups for my live microphone effects, post-processing effects when it makes it to the actual edit timeline, etc. also admittedly this is a genre of content i'm still relatively new to making (never dabbled in asmr or anything) and though it's easy to put out a super long video normally and have people say its good for sleeping as a fun side effect, actually trying to make something FROM THE GROUND UP for relaxation comes with a lot of consideration i'm still not quite specialized in yet haha, especially with how long the breaks have been up to now. none of this is meant to handwave ur issues btw im taking everything into account here, just wanted to explain why its somewhat in flux right now!

my approach for the last few episodes of the show has been to heavily compress the dynamics of the audio, which might contribute to what ur dealing with here. although at the end of the day there's not much i can do to anticipate literally every individual user's listening conditions cause there's gonna be sooo much variance there. i can definitely try to put more focus on maybe separating the heaviest frequences of the voice track vs the game track though. as it stands i tend to cut back on the high frequencies a lot in both cases cause i personally just find higher frequencies a lot more distracting and harsh and to me what ends up sounding soothing is a very smooth and rumbly kind of profile. but of course audio mixing is all about balance so i'll see how i can maybe dial that in a little more distinctly! hopefully as i continue to standardize what editing software i use for the show as well as how it's recorded i can do more to brush out any remaining issues in the sound design :) thanks again!

[esamastation]

hi!!! i just wanted to pop in after reading some of your AC fics (ones where desmond, ezio, and/or altaïr are at the forefront so in this case: i was born for this, terrible two, stone angel, gift of living well, impermanence, three fold, & earthly scene) and say that you're a brilliant writer. as someone who's trying to write longer, more impactful stories, it's admirable how you prioritize the plot and how romance is a sweet part of it. (this is part 1 of this message bc of the word count!)

you construct romance in an original, cathartic way that feels effortless. i just finished 'i was born with this' and the romance that forms between the characters feels so natural and unforced. another thing i love in your fics is that when desmond goes back in time, he always (unintentionally at first) makes an impact in furthering knowledge, inventions, etc centuries ahead of when they were supposed to happen. more importantly, desmond finds his well-deserved happy ending.

your fic ideas are also so creative and out of the box. i'm currently going through the games right now and desmond has been so so much shit (unwillingly) and he deserves some rest and happiness :,) another thing i love is how you always leave a hopeful ending that makes me ache to know what happens after!! you flesh out the characters so much over the span of + 100,000k words, tie things wonderfully at the end, and make me feel out breath (in a good way)

yeah, to sum that up, you're an amazing writer!! i also wanted to ask you some questions about writing. i aspire to write long fics, but i struggle with plotting out events =( i feel like i rush the events in how i want to get to the end where the characters are happy! do you have a writing process? do you plot out your stories or kind of go with the flow? do you have any tips on improving your writing? i totally get if you don't have any advice! have a great day!

-

Thank you for your nice comments, sorry it took so long to reply, I was feeling very antisocial. Anyway.

I do not have a writing process - I'm what they call a gardner writer, I take characters and I put them into situations and see how things develop and plot either happens or it doesn't. Maybe I have vague plans like "here's a scene I want to see in future" and "this is a result I want them to come to" and then try to write towards those goals, but they don't always pan out. It's all very chaotic and leads to lot of dropped fics, but it's how I enjoy writing. (It really helps having someone reading your stuff and poking at the plot holes though, I got a lot of fics that only got as far as they did because nimadge or someone else was there along for the ride.)

I dunno if there's anything other that just practice that can improve a person's writing. Some people recommend writing short stories and flash fiction, some people say your should write X amount of words every day. If all else fails there's thousands YouTube videos on subject.

Personally I'm a huge advocate of taking ideas from other people and putting your own spin into them. Derivate, rehash, put them in a blender, see what comes out. Like, don't copy Lord of the Rings word for word and publish it as your own work, that's bad - but maybe dwarf and elf going on adventures together is a idea that could go places. Fanfiction is all derivation upon pre-existing ideas.

Related, I whole heartedly endorse anyone who wants to take plots and ideas I've written and taking a crack at them with their own style. It's pretty much how I learned to write as wee bab on a typewriter, stealing from the books I enjoyed. And hell, if you don't have a style, try someone else's. One is my most popular fics started with me trying to emulate the style and cadence of narration of a completely unrelated TV series I was watching at the time. I don't think anyone even noticed.

Once you have enough practice under your belt, your style will develop on its own.

[bright-and-burning]

I am really intrigued by how your writing process sounds. Do you like write summaries in an outline and then replace each scene summary with the actual scene?

DJFLADJLAD paging @foggieststars and @userkritaaay for this one (they are both equally horrified by how i write). basically... it is not that simple. im afraid.

i actually have been doing some funky stuff w storing my current wip specifically so i can explain my writing process better (i feel like having examples is helpful bc uh. my process is genuinely a little incomprehensible.)

i rambled a lot here w lots of spoiler free examples (equally, if anyone is looking for any little snippets from this wip, there's some below lol). and im not actually sure this explanation makes any sense. tldr the answer is ehhh kind of? but with more steps in between?

everything starts in my notes app, cuz it's easily cross-accessible on my phone and my laptop. sometimes it's like, a sentence or two of what i call Real Prose (final product type stuff), sometimes it's like, a rambling paragraph describing a concept like i would if i was texting a friend (sometimes this is literal in that i copy paste text convos in if i think i'll do something w it). i'll call this stage 0.

current wip (sci fi fantasy au aka the light between lines, which started in the notes app as just the words "xmen meets shadow and bone. or something" (and stayed that way for ages)) technically began as voice messages to @mecachrome while heating up leftovers. back in. i wanna say may.

anyways. it starts small, and the next stage (stage 1, i guess?) is this weird mix of rambling and Real Prose. an example:

this one is especially funky bc its part Very Vague timeline (i cut off earlier bits that spoil things but it stretches back several years more), part sketchy rambling, part Real Prose.

so now i have this like, rambling outline. kind of. it's like if i was on the phone w a friend explaining the idea, and every so often i'd be like WAIT THIS IS SUCH A GOOD LINE. and then there's a real line. [i use brackets as signals of things switching back and forth between modes. easy to search up, not really used in regular prose, etc]

for this wip, i then copied everything into my word processor of choice, so i wouldn't lose the evidence of the rambling outline. lol. although i did it slightly late, so there's already some transition to the next stage.

then i go through in order, and fill it in. here's a bit from my notes app, it's very "telling a story to a friend" (this is stage 1 still):

here's that same bit at the bottom of my word doc (aka stage 2 except normally i replace it/write over it in place in the doc. i've been saving it all instead of replacing it for this exact reason). i've elaborated now. they're in a locker room, now. lando's kitting up. need to hit on this emotional beat, need to have this reference to oscar in the scene prior being sleepy, need to have this lore explained, and then there's action. but there's still a Lot to fill in, obviously. oscar has to kit up. are they talking the whole time? what's lando doing in the gaps of silence if they aren't. and then the entire training mission. lol. [some bits of my notes are already at this stage or beyond so i dont have to do anything i just scroll past, and some bits are literally like "lando is mad. oscar is mad. they shout" and i have to do the heavy lifting here]

this ^ then becomes 1069 words. 305 of which come from the words between "lando's" to "babies," and 764 of which come from "they go out on a training mission and it doesn't go tits up." here's the beginning of that (this is more like stage 4, if im honest.):

NORMALLY. there are brackets all over the place still, at this stage. this scene just came easier than normal lmao. but this is what it would normally look like in uhhh stage 3:

it's very... in conversation with myself. does nerve make more sense for lando to use than audacity? does dirtier than he started sound better than dirty again? idk i'll figure that out later. the moment i feel stuck i move on. immediately. otherwise i would go MAD like, 60 words into a wip trying to come up a perfect word. that is a sticky problem for AFTER i've done the majority of the work, so that way i don't just give up completely early in the process.

i didn't know how to phrase jenson's attempt at making oscar not mad so i just put down the gist and kept it pushing. i know i want lando to have some kind of snarky thought about it being hard on oscar but i couldn't figure out how to phrase it right. so i got down the core elements and kept moving. etc etc etc.

the transition from stage 2 to stage 3 is where i really use brackets and lowercase to differentiate. for some reason, my brain gets less... fussy. when i write in all lowercase. cuz it knows it's not going out like that, so it can be less perfect. so sometimes there's a stage 2.5 that's like a full scene but it's all lowercase to ease the pressure. and then i'll go back thru and capitalize.

the doc rn has. 7.7k of words. 4.1k of those words are at like, stage 3 and beyond. there might be a couple transition bits in there that are entirely in brackets and therefore are really like. stage 2.5. if that. there's a couple scenes with no brackets whatsoever aka stage 4. there's 1k straight of action where the only brackets are around my vocab choices for the vehicle they drive. the remaining 3.6k is somewhere between stage 1 and stage 2 (mostly stage 2 tho. probably averaging at stage 1.9)

i don't go from stage 1 to stage 2 to stage 3 for the whole document in order. to be clear. im not on draft 3 rn! it's not, oh everything is stage 2, and then slowly everything becomes stage 3, and then slowly everything becomes stage 4. i dont write in order!! and also the stages aren't rigid lmfao it's all slow evolution

to go from stage 2 to 3 isn't like, i sit and look at a scene summary and work on that same scene until it is mostly prose w a couple clarifying brackets. it's like, i come across a scene summary/stage 2 chunk. i start writing. i get a little stuck, i leave the line of scene summary for the bit im stuck on and move to the next line. sometimes i cant get it into prose at all but i can elaborate more on the scene summary, so it's a little more detailed than it was before. sometimes i get a lot stuck, and i can't visualize anything at all. ok. it's all gonna be scene summary, or script-y dialogue that sounds wooden but gets the meaning out, whatever works. that's fine lemme leave it alone.

and then i scroll down until i find a bit i DO have the visuals for, i DO know what's going on for. maybe it's a single bracket in an otherwise perfectly prose section that i've finally figured out the wording for. maybe it's a scene summary that's suddenly playing out in technicolor in my head. maybe it's a completely stage 4 section that i've decided actually these two lines should be one. and then i repeat! eventually i hit the bottom of the doc and head back up to the top to repeat again, and again, and again. until all of it's in stage 4 with maybe a couple brackets, which means it's set to go to the google docs for beloved darling betas to read over and tell me what's what <3

this probably did not . make a ton of sense. i wish i had the equivalent of those like painting process videos bc i think it WOULD make sense if i could be like SEE. but kfjdsajfjfdlsa

[northwindow]

hey julia !! hope ur doing well... am asking u [instead of messaging!] this bc i imagine u might say some rly cool stuff that other ppl would love to see also lol... but i just wondered if u had any basic tips or resources about like developing a (short-term) writing routine? the context is not fiction writing but like academic but i feel like my academic writing is a creative practice so yeah, hope that makes sense! hope its okay to ask ! have a lovely day <3

hi anna marie! you ask the very question i need answered for myself… i am in a very slow place creatively so i feel silly to be giving advice! but i’ve been thinking about how to get things flowing again. very basic but helpful to me:

getting feedback from other people at a regular interval - i am very shy and this can feel like pulling teeth but it’s so worth it, i am always amazed how much it pushes me to finish things i would have otherwise languished on forever

reading a lot (of course) - it helps me to read a bit directly before starting to write. but also being intentional about it and having a defined list of inspiring works… i recently listened to david naimon interview joanna hedva and he asked them which writers were “squatting over” their latest book which i thought was a good way of putting it! i would like to curate a "squatters shelf" to dip into for inspiration on whatever project i'm working on

distinguishing between writing vs. editing time - this is hard for me because i am a very "edit as you go" type person but sometimes it's stifling! in another interview with tommy pico i heard him talk about his writing routine as very everything-goes, yes-and, accumulation-focused style on monday-thursday and then friday is reserved for finding what was good and refining it. i have always wanted to try this!

incorporating a degree of controlled randomness into the routine - whether it be randomizing where you physically work, what part of the project you work on, or brainstorming new ideas, i really enjoy drawing an option "out of a hat" (i hope that makes sense) at some stage of the writing process. i know i am going to be surprised and challenged by a guiding force even in a small way and want to see what’s going to happen.

something that has helped me a lot with routine in general is “habit stacking” i.e. trying to bundle a new task into something you already do regularly - i have not thought about how to do this with writing, but i have successfully bundled reading into drinking my morning coffee every day and it has changed my life significantly

also: i really like that you specified a short-term routine! i think temporary routines keep things interesting, help mark time, and more fully immerse me in things, so academia might be onto something with semesters etc… i am curious about trying to have a self-imposed writing “season” followed by an “off season” where i chill and eat peaches and watch the sopranos every night or whatever without guilt. (one might say i am chilling right now lol… but it’s definitely guilty chilling!) i also love that you see your academic project as a creative pursuit, i hope you are having a really fruitful time so far! ❤️

[according2thelore]

wait i have more to say. i saw someone else say that youre their favorite wincest writer and i just need to raise my hand and say ME TOO!!!!

i only VERY recently admitted to my best friend that i ship them and when i was reading house song i was going NUTS and i NEEDED to talk about it. so i ended up sending my friend a 10 minute long voice message going through the plot and how beautifully written it is and how its fucking me up!!!!!! im going crazy and shaking dean just SHOT HIS DAD!!!!!!!!! AND IT WAS BELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!! and my friend was like holy fuck that fic sounds crazy but in a good way and they dont ship it but i think they at least get it now lmfao because wow.

and deans guilt over the life he has given sam. an orphan living on a mattress with no money and just his fucked up older brother. goddamn. i want to hug dean. and sam thinking the worst that dean left him like dad. but then ultimately realizing there is literally NOTHING dean wouldnt do to reach him. its just so cathartic and OH THE FLASHBACK TO BABY SAM. ‘no boo boos?’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME? and then then the parallel because sam is covered in blood again and it ISNT HIS. NO BOO BOOS!!!!!!! but he is so so so hurt oh my goddddd

im sorry im so feral about you i just dont have the magical talent with words that you do. like deans admission and saying that the word falls out of his mouth like a dead body hits the ground????? how can i even attempt to match your beautiful fucking mind. ugh. i wont recover from this. your an inspiration for real. okay i will leave you alone now thank you for the brain worms

HELLO!!

GUH the hits keep COMING!!!!!!

i am giggling and kicking my feet that you explained my fic to a FRIEND HOLY SHIT!!!!! oh to hear this voice message lol <3

i had to read this ask series out loud to charlotte, who was also giggling and kicking her feet on my behalf.

i am so glad you found it believable! that was one of the biggest struggles for me, and i liked the boys' characterization in this one, so i'm so sososo happy that you did too!!!!!

i've never done this before, but i thought since you like it, you might find the planning process interesting! i don't do outlines for all of my fics, just the really hefty ones (the heaven fic, this one, and a few others), and i've found this helps me a lot! you can see some things that i've cut or changed. charlotte and i usually plan these out over face time, lol, and she was mostly asleep through this entire planning one (in her defense, she had been working all day). i hope you find it interesting!

i hope you don't think less of me now that you know i wrote that they "boink" 🙏 it was like two in the morning. also handwriting reveal? omg?

anon, i've said it before but i'll say it again--THANK YOU SO MUCH🥺🥺🥺🥺 uno reverse card as well bc folks like you encourage/inspire authors to keep writing!

i always love hearing which parts folks like best, and this fed me for months to come!!!!!!

and please feel welcome to come back and scream with me about these two any time the mood hits you, lol!

-lizzy BELIEVE IT OR NOT BECAUSE ANON IS TRYING TO MELT ME this is 2/3!!!!!!

(house song, the fic in question for anyone curious!)

[itsmarsss]

me reading the chapter actuauly

ogm omfgdsjg; d i cant this is so much blitzo constantly thinking of readers words and them lingering in his mind omg i need them to make up i cannot stand this wht he hell he think that no one will be there to cross out the o but i guarantee reader with her saggy ass and titties (as an old lady) would cross the rings to do so

him hating the weekend sfngdg i canot your depictions of him feel so in character it makes me think you are a writer for the show i cannot believe that this fic is literally changing my life (for the better) ofmfks

SEEING THAT TEY TEXTED CONSISTENLY AND IT MADE HIM NOT HATE WEEKENDS AS MUCHDSG and they made it a habit to spend the weeksends together to hate them less i cannot stnat this omsg my heart

"Maybe it’ll be in one of those days when he’ll be climbing up Stolas’ balcony and then he’ll slip and fall and break all his bones only to be found dead on the grass surrounded by ball gags and anal plugs" this took me out SO BAD lmfao i just stared at my screen like

BUT THEN IMEDDIENYL HAD TO TURN AWAY BC OF THE "PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT FOLDER"

mars when i actch you mars i will fnaf jumpscare you irl this is not it. BABRIE AND HIS MOM WHAT IF I BROKE DOWN??? THEN YOU FOLLOW IT UP WITH "blitz is a 35year old single father who kills people...But in this moment… he just wants his mama." LIKE??? HOW DARE YOU ???? THAT IS SUCH A SORE SPOT BC I FEEL LIKE CRYING EVERYTIME I HEAR AB OLD POPEL MISSING THEIR PARENTS AND IT SLIKE FUGHG crying as i think ab it actually whi cant stand this

then his thought process the whole party omg he literally just wanted an escape to not feel. i cant do this anymore him asking loona to call him dad i crided

then when they leave he pulls out his phone to draw and i jsut sdjfdg i died

NOW FOR THE CONVO WITH STOLAS?? UFHH you probably grabbed it from the many ss of their messages that are shown but still omg his immediate backtracking made me want to pull my hair out bc no thats not how you talk UGHHH

then him asking loona if she would be there when he is old and she is like "ill be there dad" i cant i fucking hate this show why would they do that to me (then he vomits)

literally me after reading blitz portion

FIZZ FIDNING READER OGM he must've felt bad bc he was liek "fuckk that was the chick with blitz and stolas oph shit fuck cock"

reader having no one other than ozzie (in that moment) to go to ufhg (get this woman some friends) and their whole convo what if i

her asking ozzie if he thinks she stupid bc blitz words are echoing in her mind just as much as hers did in his omg i need them to kiss and make up please someone grow communcation skills FUCKING

stolas message with her is so late i cant stand this i think i wills start fcrying again

also her expecting a "fuck you" message from blitz only to get something that made her feel better mars stop this

this is madness when i get you i am shaking you really hard LMFAO

anyways those are my thoughts plz tell my u times this bc idk how long this took

this is the most in-depth comment anyone's ever sent me for my writing and i actually wanna cry

every time you talk about how invested in this you are and how much you love it i feel like crying djmdjmvjfk its just like i cant believe someone would care enough to leave me THIS this is so cool and so fucking nice!!

the thing about how he used to hate weekends because it meant he'd be alone and how he stopped hating them once reader came into his life came from a little blurb thingy i never ended up posting, and i felt it fit right into this chapter!

i liked writing this one a lot because the chaos in blitzos head allowed me to be all over the place and cover a lot of different stuff at once lol it was pretty cool

whenever anyone says something abt my writing being really in character it makes me feel so proud i just get so happy that it feels like ya know im taking these characters people care so much for that they're reading fanfiction about them and writing them from my perception and its so cool to have people feel like im doing them justice!!

the death with the sex toys part was a... choice lmao i thought it'd be funny to use the way blitzo's thoughts are all over the place to convey how easily they go from dumb thoughts to really depressive ones

oh the asking loona to call him dad again was added just to hurt yall i wont make excuses its there to be evil lol

yeah the convo w stolas was mostly taken out of the texts we see in stolas' phone in western energy, but i altered a few things here and there but yeah omfg what always got me with those texts is exactly that. like hes so so desperate to have things be okay he backtracks everything he's trying to say just to not feel that blitz is mad at him

i thought i could also add the layer of blitzo beeing too drunk to reply properly which is another reason for the texts to seem so cold

and ohhh yeah the thing with fizz finding her is that its both a 'fuck what i did hurt this girl' and also that kind of 'idk what to do rn' feeling of interacting with your partner's friends who you're not close enough to to have like a real conversation with lol

yeahhh im glad it was possible to catch that lol the chapter was v blitzo centered so we go through reader's pov of things very wuickly but yeah what blitz said abt her kept echoing in her mind just as much as what she said to him did in his!!

i thought the whole 'expecting a fuck you' thing would be fun to add in considering he does consider sending her a fuck you text in the beginning of the chapter lol

and seriously i think having the doodle there instead of just a description of it made it all so much more motional thank you so so much for it!!! i hope you liked the birthday gift!!!! happy birthday babes!!!!!

[emoboy07]

sorry to vent on main, but i dont wanna do it on discord bc i use that venting channel too much and i dont have any friends to vent to in dms so its going here. it got pretty long so i put it under the cut

so i had to quit my job recently bc of my sleep disorder (among a few other reasons but thats the main problem rn) and i do online school so the only time i ever really leave the house is for doctors appointments. i dont even really have any irl friends at this point bc the only one i had hasnt messaged me in like a month other than to respond to a tiktok i sent and i dont even know how to start a conversation if i tried to message them. we used to be so close several people literally thought we were dating. theyve been my only irl friend for like a year atp. i also havent really been on discord that much (outside of venting and occasionally going into chat to say hi) so i havent talked to my online friends a lot lately either. what im trying to say is i basically have no friends atm and no social interaction outside of family and the very few interactions ive had on tumblr. which for family is also less than usual bc of my fucked up sleep schedule, and im not out to them yet so they always misgender and deadname me. i literally just want a friend, preferably irl bc im not good at talking over text and i prefer actually hanging out with people over just talking over text. but i dont go anywhere and none of the people my age in my town would even be friends with me, as proven by the several years of public school that i went with at the most four friends, one of which i recently found out didnt even like me in the first place, she was just there for the other two people in that friend group. not to mention my literally non-existent love life, i havent dated anyone in my almost 18 years of life, it would be nice to have a bf. or honestly anyone atp im not even gonna be picky about it. but again, no one in my town has liked me enough to be my friend so looks like thats not happening anytime soon. and i probably wont be able to move out anytime soon bc of my health issues. i dont have a job rn and wont be able to at least until my sleep disorder is figured out bc i cant wake up to an alarm so i cant guarantee ill be awake to go to work at any given moment. i cant make appointments on my own unless i can do it online, i genuinely cannot do phone calls. and i cant drive bc of my sleep disorder, anxiety, and slow processing speed. i dont think ill ever be able to tbh. and there is very little public transport in or around my town so being able to drive is kind of a necessary thing if i were to live on my own. also i have at least one surgery coming up, probably more but idk if theyre going to want to do my other knee or not depending on whether they find anything wrong in this one and idk when ill be getting top surgery so i need someone who can take care of me for those. and i cant drive so if i wanted to do anything/had anything going on, it has to be scheduled at certain times so i can get a ride from either my mom or my brother. i dont even think my town has uber or anything, and even if it did i cant really afford that rn. and i live in a small town with absolutely nothing so if i want to do anything other than get overpriced groceries or go to a dollar store its at least a half hour drive

[bwaldorf]

WAHHH RAMASHA.... sneefle oh why is htis image so big hello tumblr. BUT YOURE SUCH A WONDERFUL PERSON TOOO CAN YOU BELIEVE IT WE'VE BEEN MUTUALS FOR 8 ENTIRE YEARS!!!!! i sure can't. things have come and gone and everything's been wild yet we're still here hanging out on each others' askboxes and tags and dashboards. we need to have a movie night or perhaps marathon something together sometime! i have been thinking of starting so many series and movies because of YOU and your awesome sauce taste in media 💌 and i have! and they were great! i have so much to say. but. here's to 2 more years for the 10th anniversary! thank you for sticking with me!!!

DANAAAAA YAY 💗💞💓💝 also i really had to just sit and stop to process that time omg bc like no way??!! has it really been that long im just absolutely gobsmacked woah.... but that really is saying something omg, like the amount of things we've gone through in our lives and yet we're still here through it all, i think that's very iconic of us 🙂‍↕️🫶🏼

omg yes we really need to!!! i've always wanted to see if i could pop into one of your weekly movie nights but the time difference just beats my ass 😭 but if we can plan something at some point that'd be SUPERRR fun to me! like omg idek where to begin in what we could potentially watch but its such an exciting idea :3

also omgggg? i feel SOOOO honored that you'd hold my taste so highly at all to consider watching smth i talk about 😭😭😭💗 seriously im always a big yapper and enthusiast so if you ever do, pls feel free to come in my messages to talk about it or liveblog or anything!! (though if house of the dragon was one of the things you considered getting into bc ik i post about it a lot.... Hmmm. KJNKJGK i love it unfortunately but it's a huge mess so its like i rec it in some ways but also no ❤️)

and thank YOU too!!! 💌🥰 esp bc im just terrorizing the dash with the wildest things ever and you've stuck around for THIS long omggg you deserve a medal and a big hug that i'll mail to you via snail mail rn

[brookeginko]

8, 27, 29 for the writer ask thingy :3 this message will violently explode your inbox.

YASSSS THANK UUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY TO GET THIS ASKKKKK :))))))

8: if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

OOOO OKAY!!!! So ignoring the several fics i have that are incomplete (</3) id say this one! This was my really short fake relationship Akimina fic I wrote on Reload launch day mostly to take a break from the game so I didn’t go crazy JAKFKKAK. I’d say I’d want to write a sequel to it just because its so short and I think there’s a lot of potential, but I don’t think I would because I think there are more compelling ways I could approach a fake dating fic as someone who loves writing them. And for fandoms outside of Persona, probably this one :) This is a longass Wordgirl (yeah. the show for five year olds. leave me alone.) fic I wrote for some. reason. but I did actually have an AU in mind for a continuation of it that I never really got far in. 

27: your favorite part of the writing process

OOH OKAY HM. I’m not gonna say posting bc that seems like a cop-out so I’m gonna go ahead and say dialogue :3! It’s so fun for me to write, especially during serious conversations and silly moments. Sometimes a conversation will flow so well I have to set my phone down and scream for a second it makes me so happy AJOFKWKD I actually used to struggle with making my fics a little too dialogue-heavy just because I liked writing dialogue a lot more than prose just because its so fun for me

29: how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

ah. well. I don’t even know how to answer this because truthfully it takes me about four seconds. I am wayyyy too impatient to not post a fic because I can’t think of a title HAIDKJA so I just give it whatever name I first thing of. Some of my longer fics have more thought out titles because I have more time to think about them (midnight skies & pale gray eyes because both of those things were recurring motifs in the fic + rhymes are epic and between the sun and the far side of the moon because it fits with akimina and the tone of the fic + its a lyric from a song i performed for example) but my shorter one shots will usually just have lyrics from songs as their titles. Actually about 80% of my P3 fics have their title as a lyric from a P3 song which is. A little embarrassing WJDIKAK

THANK U AGAIN FOR THE ASK BAGEL ILY

[slaughtergutz]

Yeah, I really didn't like the way the Fishman Island arc was handled either. The royals do nothing and it's framed as if everyone should just stop being mad at humans even when they have legitimate reasons.

Like hody was a bad villain, but alot of it comes down to oda writing him like a completely one dimensional evil dude. And sometimes doing so clashes really badly with other stuff we're shown.

I get so mad when hody says that humans did nothing to him to earn his hate and its presented as true--that his hate is empty and unreasonable. Even though we see that in flashbacks as a small kid he grew up under constant threat of being kidnapped or killed by humans and adults in his district were killing themselves to take out slave markets. But somehow that's nothing and empty? What because he wasn't personally a slave or killed by a human?

I mean it would be interesting if it was shown that he only says that because he doesn't want to look weak, like humans could traumatized him or hurt people he cared about because they're supior but it's not framed that way. It's just like yeah, he's just being crazy and hateful for 0 reason.

And the prince is like, yeah, we should have worked on ourselves. We were wrong for being mad that humans attacked and enslaved us. Hates not the way--we should just stop being upset. Even though we see no evidence that humans have changed since we still need our home protected by a human pirate so we don't all get killed and shipped off as slaves like before.

Like I'm happy we got more arlong, but dang the message in the arc was handled badly.

yeah the arc in general was rushed af. I think it's probably one of the shortest we've gotten since like, the east blue.

I do kinda like Hody as someone whose never personally been victimized by humans (most probably avoided the Fishman District by the time Arlong was an adult, he was taking care of a lot of em during that time I imagine), bc there really are people who just like to cause havoc in the name of an ideal but not having any real meaning and just wanting violence for violence sakes. In that way I think Hody is fine, but jfc, yeah to everything else.

Also the other two brothers are so fucking annoying. Ah yes let's make sure Shirahoshi is never allowed to feel sad ever, so she can grow up to be an adult unable to process her emotions properly. What could possibly go wrong?

[seasidewanderers]

https://www.tumblr.com/seasidewanderers/758499500245565441/btw-when-i-see-anti-endos-get-like-1-5-notes-even?source=share

being educated about disorders is not 'dying out' and its not mean to follow science. most people with CDDs that aren't terminally online are not in support of endos bc nobody in real life cares! it is not mean to not like misinformation! for you to be so heavily backing anti-scientific rhetoric as someone with DID is unfortunate to see! I hope you can change and grow as a person and educate yourself!

(this post)

I think you just read the first paragraph, maybe, and then just assumed I was talking about whatever?

as kids these days say: I didn't fucking say that. please point me to where I said it's "mean to follow science/correct misinformation" so I can go back and correct it, or where I implied it, or used any work-around phrasing of it. I am willing to correct myself if I spread misinformation!

second. endogenic plurals just existing, across a range of centuries more so, using the language that was and is available for them at any time, are not harming you or me. they're just kind of there, you know. they're not spreading misinformation just by being there.

and I know someone reading this will get it twisted, syscourse be like that sometimes. I'm not saying that endos can't ever spread misinformation.

seriously you've gotta work on the black and white thinking, and you really, really, have to work on the inferring words and meanings other than what it's being said. I get it alright, I do it all the time. but I'm learning to accept that most of the time people don't think of any message that could be in between the lines before saying something.

I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. nothing more, nothing less

anyway. rant about the post done! thank you for caring about me and how I'm doing, and wishing me growth. I am growing in fact. I've learned a lot since I started being in syscourse, what... 4? 5? years ago? and I've changed, so so much, as one does even without DID...

in fact, I've become less pro endo over the years. when I started I would just support everything in the name of inclusion, and I've surely hurt a few people in that, and it's awful. then I joined syscourse spaces that specifically are against misinformation no matter the "side" you're on, and it's one of the few choices I can be proud of.

I would tag these people just to let them know how much they've meant to me over the course of the years but... hey, you know who you are.

still. I don't support endos "because who cares, everything is good to go always, they do and have done no harm at any point"

I support endos because they know their brains better than I or you do, because they're entitled to know what's going on in their brains if they want to find out, and they deserve a space to analyse it, and find community meanwhile because we as a species are social creatures and need each other, all at their own pace.

and if they find they've been wrong - about being plural, or about being endo, or whatever - they deserve a space to rethink that, too at their own pace. I just support endos because I don't think them as "the endos", I think about them as people, each with their own experience as people are, and they deserve a space for their thoughts and internal processes, and it's unkind to force them into something they don't want.

I have no reason to be hostile to them in the process, even if it were to turn out that every endo ever was wrong.

don't you want to be that kind of person?

[star-girl69]

LMAOOO q-diddy x block button conjoined twins fr!!

also TY OMG i js watched and how does q manage to make kk uncomfy even when she's not in the live 💀

jokes aside, that must b rlly uncomfy/scary for kk n laila, hoping that they r able to process and keep themselves safe n healthy- im happy that kk didn't experience anything super harmful from her tho considering how obsessed q was w her

REAL ON THE AZZI LOVE-

im hoping that if q doesn't get kicked off the team for being a genuine pedo and js nasty person in general, then she'll at least get pressured into transferring out of uconn/leaving the college basketball scene in general cause there's no way she's being a positive addition to the team now that all this is coming out + ppl r (hopefully) coming out of injuries and returning back to the court

i know for a fact one of the girls (realistically probs paige) is gonna see it cause THEY SEE ALL THE EDITS AND COMMENTS and if kk and laila addressed it when they're not even on the same team as them then it's fs gonna happen

if she doesn't get booted from uconn i can assume that the crowd is not gonna b real kind to her since she basically dissed all of the girls (especially paige), and the fans????

but yeah i agree w the previous anon abt mariah posting the convo- i think it's important that she got her message out there but she should've js paraphrased instead of posting it- hopefully there won't b any huge repercussions for her but i think she should get off of live and try to spend some time w her gf/family + in therapy- this is definitely a super stressful situation for her and i think even tho ppl r supporting her its harmful to be in the public eye for super prolonged amts of time rn

xoxo, drama anon <3

i love kk laila and azzi ❤️❤️❤️❤️

no bc this is about to look SO bad for uconn so they might kick her off and just idk i just need her to have CONSEQUENCES OR ELSE ILL CRASH OUT

cant imagine what the uconn girls are gonna feel like when it all comes out 💔💔

yeah mariah definitely needs to get off of live and get some sleep she’s been through a lot these past few days and she really needs to take a step back

ok sorry ily i’m so tired i cant think idk what i’m saying but i agree w you 👍👍👍👍

[itsjaywalkers]

Hello Laurie! How are you? How are your holidays going?

I'm the same person who messaged you 2/3 months ago about the fic that I was writing and being scared to post it because it's not my native language. I was wondering how your writing goes, like how do you edit? What do you struggle with the most? I know you said it's not your native language either, and I just wanted to know what slows you down the most? Because for me personally it's grammar, structure of the sentences and its punctionation. I always wonder if my commas are in the right place and if I used right marks, obviously the placement of it differs in every language. And do you have any tips for me? ANYWAYS i'm so sorry this is such a long question bahahhaha, also I've read your new Bartylily fic and I love it. I'm on my knees for them, can't wait to see what you got in store for them. Hihi have a good day! <3

hi darling!! i'm okay, doing some writing!! and my holiday is going great <3 i've been at the beach all week, swimming and reading and eating delicious food. i missed my parents and my sisters like crazy, so it's been very fun to get to spend so much time with them <333

oh, yes!! i remember you!! i hope that fic is going well, and that you'll decide to post it someday. i feel like i already told u this, but i'm sure it's lovely, and if deep down u wanna share it, u should be able to do so, fear be damned (im aware it's not that easy but . u get what i mean)

and my editing process is . very boring and very long . i usually just write the whole chapter out, exactly how i have it planned in my mind, without stopping to check for mistakes, or letting myself get distracted by . a paragraph or a line i don't like, all that can be fixed during the actual editing. once it's done, i try to give it a day?? to let it breathe a lil. and then i reread it all!! i go scene by scene, and sometimes it means just fixing the grammar of some sentences and deleting a random line here and there, and other times it means deleting a whole conversation, or rewriting an entire scene bc it's not working how it's supposed to. editing can take me from a couple of hours to actual days, so it's not a process i really enjoy </3 writing can be a pain, but it's when i get to be messier and have fun and not worry about the end result. editing means polishing and rereading until you grow sick of the story. it's necessary but it's not my fav part of the process, that's for sure

i don't think i'm that bothered by grammar, but it's mostly bc this is just fanfiction and i kinda just . have fun with the language?? sometimes i'm aware i'm not structuring a sentence the Proper way but it looks more beautiful my way, and it sounds nicer, so why would i change it?? not a single one of my uni profs is gonna be reading it anyway. but as someone who isn't an english native speaker either, i totally get u, bc i used to be very insecure about this, and i still am a bit sometimes. i had this fear that ppl were gonna be able to tell english isnt my first language at a first glance. but so what if they do?? theres nothing wrong with that, and bc im bilingual, i speak and write in english in a manner native speakers cant replicate, bc i see and understand their language differently. and i think thats lovely!!!

the thing i struggle the most with is descriptions?? i feel like im not detailed or accurate enough, and like i lack a lot of vocabulary. i do my best to fix it during editing but it never quite works i fear.. i also write ridiculously long sentences, bc i use way too many commas when i should be using periods. and i think that my dialogues are pretty good, but at the same time im always . concerned about characters sounding real enough yk?? since, again, english isn't my first language

and i don't know about tips darling. i keep saying this, but i feel like i'm not the best person to ask about this At All, bc i'm not that knowledgeable, or talented, or skillful. i can tell you to remember that at the end of the day this is fanfiction, and we're supposed to be having fun and being self-indulgent. try not to worry so much about grammar and proper sentence structure or putting commas in the right place. bend the language until it sounds pretty enough for you and a sentence rolls off the tongue the right way. who cares if it's not Correct or Proper. it's not meant to!!! also, don't edit right away, let the story or the chapter breathe for a bit, otherwise you're gonna hate the whole thing and believe it's a Mess. it's usually not!! you just need a break and to put some healthy distance so u can edit more honestly, less unbiased

don't apologise!! my answer was even longer SIGH i hope some of this was at least a little helpful <3 and thank u so much!! more ppl than i thought are reading and enjoying the bartylily fic, and it fills me with joy <3 next ch is coming VERY soon and i can't wait

wishing u the best and sending u all my love MWAH <333

[tododeku-or-bust]

Tbh the atsv fan "characterization" that pisses me off the most is the Miles Morales Prowler shit. Thats just a 15 year old. Good god. It makes me want to punch a bitch. At least Hobie is punk (even tho like. I still super dont like thag a lot of characterizations of him that seem to rely too much on the fact that a lot of Punk Thingz™️ (namely, drugs and hate for authority) are also antiblack stereotypes and we should be giving benefit of the doubt in these cases)

But Miles Morales is still Miles Morales, even if in a dif universe he's the prowler and his hair's different(? Im ngl im white and idk if it has anything to do with this, but ive seen his hair referenced before as important). I also see a lot of ppl forgetting how Morales was treated after the first movie, that fuckin colored pencil post still makes me mad.

Pissing me tf off. Sorry for mini rant it just seems you are also on this topic rn and none my friends seem that into the spiderverse 😔

Oh the moment I tried to block the Miguel tag (which DIDNT WORK, btw), the Miles G reader stuff showed up and I had instant regret 😭 but I haven't seen much for him outside of that. I'm glad I haven't, now.

Tbh, I wasn't really into Fandom when ITSV came out, so I (gratefully) missed all of the bullshit I heard happen with that one.

What's really pissed me off about Miles' seeming depiction by fandom, at least in the sections I've seen, is...idk if I'm saying this right.... To over simplify him? Like it frustrates me that a movie, both movies, the existence of Miles Morales himself, ALL have to do with themes of race, representation, and belonging. Yes there are plenty of other messages that are important, but all of them connect back to that identity too.

And people are just... Glossing over that. In this desire to go "oh he's so precious"- in what I'm sure is white ppls well-intentioned attempt to not be seen as a racist that doesn't care about Black children- they are still managing to completely ignore how his identity is symbolic in the storytelling. It's colorblindness in a movie where seeing race is essential and if you're gonna ignore it you might as well not even watch it at all bc at its core it's HIS story.

Like yeah, you think he's queer allegory, yeah you recognize how it feels to not belong, how to fight the status quo, fantastic, I love it, are you actually engaging with the race aspect that affects his experience of all of those things? Are you processing that when Rio said he might not be accepted in spaces, just maybe you have brown friends who feel that way in white spaces, fan and otherwise (esp now with affirmative action lmao, but always with Miles in the comics and dealing with fans). It's easy to think a multicultural movie with a Brown antagonist, well it "can't have to do with race" and that's just not true.

That's why people fixating on Hobie mildly disturbs me too; he TOO is a BLACK punk. That makes a difference, in his solidarity and what that meant for Black viewers. Or how they're ignoring Margo altogether despite her crucial role in his escape. Or how they're refusing to engage with Jessica Drew with understanding (you don't have to agree with her! I don't! But to understand where she stands in that spectrum from Hobie to Miguel, she is not nearly as bad as fandom wants to believe; she's actually comparable to Peter B but misogynoir prevents that conversation).

Like I am so happy we are finally entering an era where Black and Brown people are seeing themselves more on screen in roles we've yearned for, I am. But that also means it's time for white people to start engaging with what that means, and that means unlearning and learning.