#i say that a lot but its really bc i have to process messages like this

[xbadnews-a]

tonight i've been almost entirely unavailable ooc! I've been painting & drawing & listening to cr. i just haven't been in the right headspace to be talking to people so I've stayed mostly to myself <3

[vaspider]

Listen to me. Listen very carefully:

They are trying to wear you out.

They are trying to wear you out, and they own most major social media now, along with many major media outlets. The disinformation machine is cranking along. You are going to have to slow the fuck down and read things before you help them wear out other people, too.

So you just saw a post about a real scary bill, hunh? Republicans want to make it a capital offense to pet dogs and repeal The Sky Is Blue Act of 1793, declaring the new official color of the sky to be squant? Damn, that sounds scary.

Let's go look up this fictitious "Make The Sky Squant Again Act" on GovTracker* & on the official legislative tracker on congress.gov!

Well, let's see... GovTracker estimates it has a 1% chance of even getting out of committee and a 0% chance of being enacted, while congress.gov says this bill has 2 cosponsors who have been in the House and combined total of less than a month. The bill doesn't have any actual text, and it was referred to 5 different committees.

That fictitious bill and a hundred others like it are quite literally not worth your time, and more than that, continuing to wring your hands about it and tell other people about the scary scary squant sky bill only does their work for them. It scares people, it makes them spend time and energy on it, and it wears them out. It is a legislative Gish Gallop, meant to throw so many things at people that we can't keep up.

Even calling or messaging your Rep in this case means their staffer has to waste time responding to you and letting you know that Representative Buttzonheads definitely won't support making petting dogs a capital offense, a thing that will never, ever happen regardless.

Staying engaged in this environment is going to require protecting your heart and protecting your energy, yes, but also protecting the energy of others. This is why WWII propaganda posters also included ones taking people to task for spreading panicky rumors and undermining morale.

Do you know why most observant Jews don't eat chicken and dairy together, even though the ban is on red meat and dairy together bc you're not supposed to cook the calf in the milk of its mother?** It's not because we think that chicken might secretly lactate or Just Because. It's because the rabbis decided that if I'm sitting out in public and eating turkey and cheese together, someone might glance at the turkey and mistake it for red meat and think, "oh, well, I know that Spider is a good Jew, there must have been a change, or maybe I can just justify it to myself that if Spider does it, it must be permissible to bend the rules just that much." And I would then be accidentally leading my fellow Jew astray. We are responsible for being even more careful for the sake of others than we are for ourselves.

It's the same principle here. We need to really be careful about the information we are spreading and check things past reading a news site. Is it true? Is it relevant? Is it meaningful? Is the news site one I recognize? Can I find meaningful independent corroboration on another site, which is to say, if I find an article about it on a second site, is it just quoting or rephrasing this site?

Yeah, that is a lot. But that's how we keep them from using us to lead our fellows astray.

*GovTracker is an independent site. They explain their methodology in their About section.

**I cannot say enough how I am not at this time interested in going on a Jewish Side Quest About Dietary Laws on this post. Usually, I love it, but hold off this time, please, y'all. Let's stay on target this once.

[nanpecan]

₊✩‧₊˚once more to see you˚₊✩‧₊ pt 6

{nanami x f!reader}

pt 1.  pt 2. pt 3. pt 4. pt. 5

˚₊✩‧₊summary: You’re a manager at Jujutsu Kaisen and you’ve now had two three four extremely intimate encounters with grade 1 sorcerer Nanami Kento, but who's keeping count.... You're preparing for your morning date at your place when you get some unexpected company.

˚₊✩‧₊tags: nanami x fem!reader, nanami gets a little jealous but don't worry bc I can't stand miscommunication tropes, explicit smut towards the end (mdni)

˚₊✩‧₊word count: 8.6k SORRY LOL

˚₊✩‧₊author’s note: lemme start by saying im sorry for taking so long to post the next part but i have been going through it :D i am so grateful for all the positive feedback and messages i've gotten in my absence, i've missed my fellow nanami freaks, so this one is for all yall<3 also i posted this on A03 yesterday...i just feel like its faster posting it there bc im lazy. thank you to everyone for reading!

taglist at the end and feel free to let me know if you want off or if want to be added!

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After about thirty minutes of scrubbing you came to accept that the pink frosting stain wasn’t going to come out of your shirt. You sighed and put down the wet fabric. Another shirt lost to your shenanigans with Nanami. You laughed to yourself as the realization hit you. You’d lost three shirts in the last four days…you should probably plan to go shopping soon. You grimaced, maybe you should have saved that extra money you’d sent your mother earlier in the week. 

You went around your apartment cleaning here and there, you had found it in better shape than you remembered, but compared to his apartment you felt that yours was definitely lacking in cohesive design. Your eclectic furniture was a little bit of every style, the art on your walls didn’t really follow a theme, you just framed things you liked. You tidied up more than you think you ever had and smiled as you looked around. It may not have been much, but it was home. You felt safe here. 

The building as whole was another issue. You’d frowned when you had seen the elevator was still out of order. Nanami would have to take the seven flights of stairs just like you had. You looked down at your phone, maybe you could reschedule? Meet somewhere else to have breakfast? No, he had been looking forward to seeing your apartment. It was such a silly thing but you could tell he really wanted to. You wiped down your kitchen countertops one more time before cleaning the small dishes in your sink. 

You were planning on going to bed a bit earlier than usual. You were going to prep breakfast to make some pastries for him in the morning. It had been a while since you’d baked. You looked around, satisfied at your cleaning streak. You decided to shower before continuing, maybe you’d be able to catch anything you had missed afterwards.

You stepped out of the shower and walked up to the sink. What a crazy few days you’d had. You hadn’t really had the chance to be alone and process everything. You stared at your reflection as you wiped the mirror. You’d never really thought of yourself as someone worthy of being desired. An odd thing to admit, but you had also never really had the luxury of having the sort of life where that would matter. The world of Jujutsu Sorcery was a fast paced one and every day could be your last, so you often found yourself discouraged from participating in things people your age did. Dating, partying, traveling…it's not like you could afford it either. The only reason you’d really ever gone out was because of Akari. She would invite you to go out to places where she could relive her delinquent youth. She was also the reason you had gone on any dates in the first place. That reminded you, you needed to text her and see when she was free to hangout. You had a lot to catch her up on. 

You walked out to your living room and sat on the couch, picking up your phone. It suddenly dawned on you that you had never gotten Nanami’s number. You seemed to remember Akari saying she gave him yours. You opened your messages and scrolled to confirm. 

Something made a noise in your kitchen. 

Your blood ran cold. Was it an intruder? A curse? Had something broken in? You slowly reached under the couch and pulled out a baseball bat. You sat up and looked towards the noise, but didn’t see anything. A cup holding your washed silverware had been knocked over. Okay…maybe it had just come unbalanced. You got up holding the bat up and slowly approached the kitchen. You cautiously made your way around the counter looking down and jumped. 

It was your neighbor's cat. 

You sighed in relief and lowered your bat. “Messi, what are you doing here?” You picked up the orange cat who meowed in return. “How have you been? It’s been a while.” He meowed again. “Really?” Meow. “I’ve been good. I met someone.” Meow. “Well he was someone I already knew.” You walked out of your apartment, cat in tow, and made your way next door. Your window had a tear in the screen and Messi had made a habit of going through it and somehow prying open your window (which didn’t lock) and wandering into your place. You didn’t mind, you had actually set up a little water bowl for him in your apartment. 

You knocked on the door. “Hi, it’s Y/N. I'm returning Messi, I haven’t been home for a couple of days, so I don’t know how long he’s been in there.” 

You heard some shuffling and suddenly an older lady opened the door. You had never seen her before. She looked at you and then at the cat. “Keep the damn thing.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Y/N?” You heard a familiar voice from behind the lady, your neighbor. She made her way to the door and you saw she was crying. She took the cat in her arms and held him close, starting to cry again. “Thank you.” 

“Is everything okay?” 

“Osuke had his second trial today and was convicted,” she said through tears. Osuke was her husband.

“That stupid lawyer, I should curse his entire family,” the old lady muttered. You had a feeling she was Osuke’s mother. 

“I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do to help?” you asked. You had known about the trial, it had been ongoing for a couple of months now. He had been arrested after being framed for a robbery. The story you had been told was that his boss had been the one to frame him. He was a bottom tier worker, and the perfect scapegoat for the crime. 

“No, thank you though,” the woman said. 

“You can take the damn cat. She’s moving out of here. After the lawyer’s fees and the loss of his income she’s moving in with me, I don’t want to take care of that thing,” the older lady said.

“I’ll take care of it, please,” the woman cried. 

The lady grumbled something else and went back inside. “Thank you for bringing him back.” She wiped her tears and offered you a hug. “We’ll be out by tomorrow, I can't afford the rent. I’m already behind on the last two months.” 

“Don���t worry about it. I hope everything works out. You have my number, call me if you need anything. Anything at all.” You smiled at her and she nodded and closed the door. 

You stood alone in the hallway. Everything was so silent. You heard the women arguing again and you sighed. You went back into your apartment, sitting on your couch again. You hoped everything would work out for them. The couple next door had been so nice. Osuke and Makiko and their cat Messi, they’d lived here longer than you had. You sighed and rubbed your temples. There really wasn’t much you could do for them.  

You reached for your phone again and went to text Akari. 

-sorry i meant to text you earlier, and then i got distracted again. messi was in my apartment and scared me to death. -when are they going to fix that damn window for you? -i don’t mind, i love that cat.  -but if he can get in so can other things, my skin is crawling just thinking about it  -someone is on the road to getting uninvited from my place.  -no way, you owe me from all the times I’ve let you crash at my place -damn…speaking of, when is your next free day? we need to hang out.  -i can do the day after tomorrow, i have a half day, does that work? -perfect, i’m also just coming in in the morning -you can tell me all about your adventures with the old man. have you said yes to being his girlfriend yet? -he hasn’t asked me yet -boooo

You started typing when you received a notification from an unknown number. 

-Did you make it home okay?- It read. You smiled.  -is this who I think it is? -Y/n it’s me, it’s Nanami Kento.  -then it is who I thought. I did make it home safe, I found my neighbor's cat in my apartment so I’m glad I came to check, they’re moving out tomorrow morning. -So you’re free now? -…yes ? -That’s good, get some rest. Have a good night. I'll see you tomorrow.

Hmm you thought he was going to ask something else. You looked at the clock. It was 7:53, earlier than you thought. I should probably get started, you thought to yourself. You pulled yourself off of the couch and went into your kitchen. You would make your dough tonight and let it proof overnight. 

Overnight proofing is the best way to make bread. 

You were shot back into a memory. 

The best things in life are worth waiting for you know. And what’s better than fresh bread? Nothing! Ask anyone that comes in tomorrow, I dare you.  

You smiled fondly as you rolled the dough into a little acorn shape before rounding it out and setting it in a glass bowl. 

As you finished up you checked the time. You had gotten done pretty quickly. You just needed the topping for the melon bread, which you could make as the oven heated up in the morning. You checked your pantry one last time for brown sugar and you realized you didn’t have any. You frowned. You’d run out for some in the morning. If you didn’t go to bed soon you weren't going to want to get up in the morning.

You sat for a moment and noticed the silence again. It’s not like it wasn’t ever quiet around here, but maybe after the events of the last four days something about being alone bothered you. It surely hadn’t before.

You moved into your bedroom and lay on the bed. You usually felt stuffy in here, that’s why you preferred to lay out on the couch, at least it seemed more of an open space compared to your bedroom. But now it felt nice. You felt safe. 

You stared at your ceiling. “Maybe I should call him,” you said out loud to yourself. You closed your eyes and imagined his smile. The way his perfect teeth shone, the way his nose crinkled a bit when the corners of his mouth lifted, his lips on yours. You swallowed and opened your eyes. If you let your mind wander any longer you’d be in trouble. You groaned in frustration. You missed him, how pathetic. You had always been one to make fun of how quickly people in your field tended to get together, but here you were. 

You heard your neighbor and her mother in law faintly arguing through the walls. You frowned trying to think if there was really nothing you could do. 

You had too much “compassion”, you had been told by one of the old professors at Jujutsu Tech. There’s no way to save everyone and to try is to doom yourself. You scowled as you remembered what he had said to you. The arguing died down and you hoped to yourself they worked it out. At least they had each other going through this. Things were tense now but hopefully they’d adjust. You made a note to check in on them tomorrow. You went to set your alarm when you remembered Shoko had wanted you to stop by her office early in the morning. You groaned and set your alarm for earlier than you had intended. Nanami said he’d be by around 7, it would have to be a quick breakfast as you wanted to get to the school by 8, you hoped he didn’t mind. You finally drifted to sleep. 

You groaned as your alarm woke you up, but you quickly sat up and went to wash your face. You needed to split the dough, and lay the cookie topping over it and let it proof for another 30 minutes at least. You could run out to your corner store while they sat and you preheated the oven. 

As you opened the door to exit, you almost tripped on a pile of items placed in front of your place. Cat toys, a litter box, cans of cat food, a small bed, and a note. 

Messi got out again last night and I’m afraid we just don’t have time to look for him. I think he’s better off with you anyway. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. If it’s too much I've contacted a shelter that would take him. Here is the number. 

You frowned a bit. You loved Messi but you didn’t want a cat. You dragged the items into your apartment and quickly went out the door. You’d deal with this later, you were already running behind.

As you stepped back into the hall, winded and trying to catch your breath after returning and climbing the seven floors, you looked up to see a man in a suit knocking on your neighbors door. This wasn’t your man in a suit, quite the opposite. 

You approached him cautiously. He had jet black hair, his suit was dark, and he reeked of alcohol. 

“Please, just let me apologize- I did all I could. I won’t charge ya any money, just please, I’m sorry.” He stumbled as he continued to knock. You were going to have to get past him to get to your door. There was no avoiding him. 

“Excuse me,” you said, announcing yourself behind him. The man turned to look at you. His eyes were tired and sleepy, he had deep bags under his eyes and his sharp nose was red. He was definitely drunk. “If you’re looking for the residents, they’ve moved out.” 

“What?” 

“They’ve moved out, what did you need to tell them?” you asked.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“You’re sorry?” 

“I need to apologize to them. Osuke was jailed. It’s not fair. The whole system is corrupt. I should-” 

“Were you their lawyer?” you asked. 

“Yes,” he turned back and started pounding on the door again. “Please let me speak to you!” 

“Tell him to stop that before I call the police!” an old man from down the hall had stuck his head out of his door to yell. 

“Sir, no one is in there. You have to go, it’s too early to be causing such a ruckus,” you said. 

“I need to apologize,” he whined. You noticed a buzzing coming from his pocket, his phone was ringing. 

“Do you need to get that?” you asked. 

He pulled the phone out of his pocket and handed it to you before turning back to the door. The caller ID said Shimizu. You grabbed the man's shoulder and pulled him away from the door as you answered with your other hand. 

“Hello?” 

“Yes, hello… is this Higuruma’s cellphone? Who’s speaking?” A woman spoke on the other end. 

“Ah, he just handed me his phone. He’s very drunk and knocking at someone- I think maybe one of his clients' doors.” 

You heard her curse, “Would you be able to tell me where he is? I apologize for the disturbance, I’ll come by to get him as soon as I know where to go.” 

“Ah, yes-” he pulled himself from your grip and started going towards the door again. “Sir-” 

“There is no justice!” he cried out. 

You stared at him a bit shocked, what was he on about? You told the woman your address. 

“I can be there in around 25 minutes. Would there be any way you could keep him put? I apologize again for the inconvenience.” 

“I’ll try my best…” you looked at the man as he collapsed onto his knees, staring forward at the door. You walked over to him and handed him his phone. “Shimizu is on her way to get you,” you said. He just stared. You looked at your apartment and sighed. “Would you like to wait for her inside?” You pulled the man up to his feet and unlocked your apartment. You held the door open as he stumbled inside. You reached inside and grabbed a couple of cans of cat food to hold your door open. The last thing you wanted was for Nanami to get the wrong idea.

Once inside you rushed over to your kitchen to check on the bread. The man walked around not looking at anything in particular, but just moping. “Have a seat,” you motioned to the small table and chairs. He sat down and you turned back to your baking, unpacking the sugar you had just bought. You quickly grabbed a plate and spread the sugar, then you rolled the diamond patterned tops in the sugar. You placed the six little buns you had made back on the baking sheet. The oven still had a couple of minutes before it was ready. 

You turned back to the man and were shocked to find him staring at you. “You just let a strange drunk man into your apartment, while alone?” 

“I left the door open…” you muttered. “Besides, I think I could take you in a fight. I’ve dealt with worse.” He gave you a questioning look. “Would you like some water? Some tea? Coffee?”

“Water.” You poured him a glass and walked it over to him. He began rubbing his temples with his hand. He seemed to be sobering up quickly. You grabbed a couple of crackers from your shelf and handed them to him too. 

“Eat something, get a grip before your friend comes to get you.” 

You heard the oven ding and you walked over to put the pasties in the oven. You set a timer for twenty minutes. Looking at the clock you had about 30 until Nanami showed up, probably less since he seemed to be pretty punctual. You turned back to the man and saw he had chugged the water and was gingerly taking a bite out of the crackers. You started cleaning up the kitchen, putting the bowls in the sink and clearing off your small drying rack. 

“Who is coming to get me?” he asked.

“Ah, your friend, I think her name was Shimizu,” you answered. He muttered something under his breath. “More water?” you asked. 

He nodded. You went over with a pitcher and filled his cup, this time sitting down across from him. “Thank you,” he said quietly. 

“So…there’s no justice in the world, huh?” You asked. He frowned. “I don’t think that’s something I’d want to hear from my lawyer,” you eyed him curiously. 

“I apologize for my outburst.” 

“No, no I understand. From what I know Osuke was innocent. It must be frustrating to lose a case, especially when what happened was so unfair.” You thought back to the old woman grumbling about the lawyer. “That old lady was very angry, I can’t imagine that’s easy on you.” 

His hand gripped the cup tightly. “People have no sense of understanding right or wrong. Everything is so black and white to them. But there are so many complications before you can see one or the other clearly.” He stared at the cup. “Most only see the bad, the ugly, that’s the easiest thing to pick out, the easiest to understand. I think most people assume that others are inherently bad, so expecting bad things to come from them is second nature.” You stayed silent as he contemplated his words. “It doesn’t help when your client looks like a bad guy, it’s an uphill battle, but I try I really do.”

He sighed, taking a drink of water before continuing. “ If I lose a case, it's easy to blame me. I'm much more tangible than blaming some higher power for not being in your favor. No one wants to believe that I do this out of a want to help others, they see me as wanting money, as taking advantage of those in dire situations. They only ever see me as greedy when I lose. Another bad guy. I want to help, but when it comes down to it, who am I to a jury, to a judge? I’m another bad person, defending a bad person who did a bad deed. They think if they were truly innocent I wouldn’t have to work as hard, I wouldn’t have to find such cunning ways to prove their innocence, but I try. Not out of trickery or malice, but because I want to believe that not everyone is bad. But again and again people only see me as a bad guy defending bad people, and I'm afraid I'm losing sight of what this all used to mean to me.”   

You looked at the cup he was holding. “I see…” you thought about everything he had just said. You thought a part of him was just feeling sorry for himself, but other points he made were valid. There was a time when you thought everyone in the world might have been bad too. “When I was sixteen…I left my home because of an incident,” you started. “I was alone and scared and I thought that it had happened to me because I was bad.” You frowned slightly as you recalled the events. “And because I thought I was bad, I justified a lot of the things I did. I snuck onto buses and trains to get to Tokyo, away from where I was because I didn’t feel like I deserved to be there, I didn’t deserve to be close to my family. And I stole…a lot…not big things, not precious things, food mostly. I was hungry and had no place to stay and I saw others do it…and so I became ‘bad’. I became what I thought I was, what I believed the world wanted me to be.” You looked up at him, he was staring at you trying to figure out where you were going with this. “But then I met someone, someone who was good, someone who only ever saw the good in people no matter what and that…changed me.” 

“Who did you meet?” he asked. 

“I went to a bakery,” you smiled fondly and looked down at your hands on the table. “I had known about it since I arrived in Tokyo, the line was always out of the door by 7 am, but I had never had the chance to go in. I mean, I never even had the money for it and the owner, she was this sweet old lady and even though I was already stealing food from other places, I felt like if I stole from her I would be too far gone. 

But as it goes, the more I stole, the more I felt entitled to, and after a month of fighting it, I finally gave in and made a plan.” You shifted in your seat, you had never told anyone this story. “I made a plan, and woke up early, to be one of the first in line. I was sixth or seventh outside the door, and when I finally got to go in I felt like crying, it smelled so good and it was so warm. She greeted everyone with such kindness and it was just her that day. I had seen a granddaughter with her before, but this morning it was just the lady. 

“I pretended to look around, considering what to buy. I let people go in and out before I finally decided on a single piece of Melon bread, delicately wrapped in plastic. It was the most beautiful thing I think I’d ever seen. I grabbed the piece and tucked it under my arm and started heading towards the door. I turned to check if anyone had seen me and I saw her staring at me.” You laughed and shook your head. “She was just staring at me and her eyes went to the piece of bread I had tucked under my arm and you know what she did?” You looked up at him. “She looked back into my eyes, smiling the whole time, and said to come back soon. I ran out of there, terrified for my life. I thought she was going to call the cops, but there was something about her smile that just seemed so genuine. 

I think I got about ten steps down the road before I stopped. The guilt was too much, I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t deserve to have something so nice. I was bad, and I had done a bad thing.” You scrunched your nose. “I went back immediately. I pushed past the people in line and went right up to her and I handed her the bread back. She looked at me confused and just shook her head. ‘You can have it, it’s your first time here right? Take a seat, let me know what you think of it.’” You laughed and covered your face with your hands. “I sat down and just cried while I ate it. I bawled, like people stared at me out of concern.” The lawyer stared at you. “When I finished she came up to me and asked how it was. I started apologizing profusely and she just handed me another one, and asked if I’d like to learn how to make my own,” you shook your head incredulously. 

“She offered me a job and a place to stay. I still don’t understand how she was able to see right through me.” You heard the timer go off and you shot up to get the bread out of the oven. You smiled as you saw how perfectly the six little buns had crisped up. You transferred them over to a plate and grabbed one for the lawyer. You placed it in front of him. “There are bad people out there, but there are also good people. There has to be a natural balance otherwise everything would fall apart, don’t you think?” You looked at him as he stared at the pastry before him. “I can see that you really care about your clients. Even if this was a bit inappropriate to do, drunkenly asking to speak to them and all, but the right sentiment is there.” He pressed his lips together into a thin line. “The world needs more people that are willing to look past everything and find the good. I hope you can keep doing that.” 

You heard laughter from the hallway and looked over the lawyer’s shoulder at the open door to see Nanami and a sharply dressed woman stepping out of the stairway. The woman suddenly looked at you and then at the lawyer. “Higuruma!” She quickened her step towards your place. Nanami followed behind her. “Pardon my intrusion,” she said as she entered. She stomped up to the man checking on him before turning to you. She bowed slightly. “I apologize for his behavior. This is completely out of character for him, I don’t know what he’s thinking. I’m sorry-” 

“It’s okay, he explained some of what’s been going on. Do you work with him?” 

“Yes, my name is Shimizu, I’m a colleague of his, I’m also a lawyer.” 

“I’m Y/N, sorry we have to meet like this.” You turned your attention to Nanami who was staring at the man. “Sorry our breakfast plans got thrown around a little.” 

Shimizu turned towards Nanami and then back to you. “Ah, I see...” She smiled at you. “I’ll take over now, thank you again for your help. Here’s my business card, let me know if there’s ever anything you need.” You took her card and smiled. Fancy, you thought to yourself.

“Wait,” Higuruma said. “Have my card too,” he felt around his pockets for them but couldn’t find anything. 

“Don’t tell me you lost your wallet,” Shimuzu said, annoyed. She pulled out another card and handed it to you. “Here’s his card as well.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Thank you for listening to me…” Higuruma looked like he was trying to remember your name.

“Y/N,” you repeated. 

He smiled at you. “Wait!” he said again as Shimuzu started pushing him out. “My melon bread…” he muttered, turning back and grabbing it off the plate. Shimuzu sighed and continued to push him out. 

You watched the two bicker as they went down the hall and into the staircase. You became aware of Nanami’s eyes on you. You reached down to move the cat food out of the door frame and let the door shut. “If I ever got called to fetch you out of some stranger’s apartment after you had a drunken night out, I don’t think I’d be as calm as she was,” you said. You turned back to him after he hadn’t said anything. “I hope you’re not getting the wrong idea. I helped him out and we just talked.” You frowned. “I feel like saying that makes me seem more guilty, but I don’t even know why I’m defending myself here.” You turned to him and stared for a bit. “Are you mad at me?” 

His eyebrows furrowed. “No?” 

“Oh.” You turned back towards the door. “You were just being so quiet…I mean I heard you guys laughing…the lawyer lady, Shimizu. She was really pretty. She looked so professional..” You smiled half heartedly. “You looked good together.” You muttered. You frowned as you realized how ridiculous you sounded. “Anyway…” you turned towards the kitchen and started walking to the counter. “I made some pastries this morning. It’s not much, but we’ll also have to be quick because I forgot I promised Shoko I’d meet her early. So I only have time to change and then we probably need to head out. Sorry for rushing things.” you frowned again. “I should have told you to stop by earlier, but I got a little distracted.” 

“Are you jealous?” 

“M-me?” You felt your face grow red. “No-no I’m not- why would you- why would you think that?” you laughed awkwardly. “I was just saying she’s super pretty and I’d just never heard someone laugh with you like that before I mean other than me- but I mean I guess I don’t really know you-I mean I know you but not like I know you now- and she’s-I mean she’s super pretty you have to admit-“ 

“I wasn’t a fan of the way he asked for your name at the end of your conversation,” he said looking down at his wrist and fiddling with his watch. “I know that look he gave you… I’ve given you that look.” 

You smiled and felt relief. “Seems like we’re on the same boat.” You shook your head and went over to him, looking up with a playful frown. “Was she really that funny?” 

“She was the only one laughing, I don’t think anything I said was particularly interesting.” 

You thought back at the way her eyes had turned from you to him and back to you. Oh I see, she had said. “She was into you,” you wrapped your arms around him. “I’ve done that before, laughed like an idiot at someone who’s not funny because I thought they were hot.” 

“Have you done that with me?” He asked. 

“No, you’re actually funny. It’s never forced with you.” You looked up at him again. “It’s your fault, you’re so handsome. We have to do something about your face.” 

“Well then, what do you suggest we do about yours?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“He was quite taken with you.” 

You made a face and shook your head. “Men will rant about their problems to you and then think they’re in love just because you listened.” 

“Did he rant about his problems? His alcoholism? His brutishness? What was he thinking coming into someone’s apartment in that state? He’s lucky he didn’t-“ 

“He was having a rough time of it actually. I do feel a bit bad.” You turned back to look at the door and then the cat items. “He was my neighbor’s lawyer. They’re a young couple, the husband was arrested on some unfair charges and he seemed devastated by the outcome.” 

“That’s not very professional.” 

You shrugged. “I think it’s been a long time coming. Hopefully my pep talk keeps him back on track for a while longer, but I have a feeling he’s going to snap one day,” you said darkly. “There was something unhinged in his eyes.” 

Nanami pulled you back and hugged you tightly again as you buried your face back into his chest. He smelled nice. 

“Speaking of my neighbors. Do you like cats?” 

“I don’t dislike them.” You nodded, backing out of his arms. “Why?” 

“They left me in charge of their cat, Messi. Well not left me in charge, it’s more like they gave him to me. They left me all his stuff, he got out of their place yesterday before they left and somehow he always ends up at my place.” 

“How does he get in?” 

“Oh I guess I should show you around my apartment. Though there isn’t much to look at.” You ran a hand through your hair as you looked around. You pointed at where he was standing, next to the table. “Dining room, living room, kitchen, bathroom door, bedroom door, ta da!” You smiled cheekily as you pointed back where you started. “Bet that’s the fastest you’ve ever had a house tour, huh.” He looked around slowly, taking in the frames on the wall, the knick knacks on your shelves and the books piled all over the place, stacked not so neatly. “It’s- it’s really not much but it’s home,” you said feeling a little insecure again. Maybe you should have cleaned more. 

“It’s lovely,” he said. “It feels very much like you.” 

“Thanks…” you said. Your eyes went to the clock in your kitchen and you perked up. “Oh wow, is that the time…” 

“May I see your bedroom?” He asked. You felt your face go red again. 

“Oh, sure,” you started walking towards it. “I need to change anyway, hope you don’t mind.” 

“Never.” You felt the blush grow and your stomach get tingly. 

You opened the door and gestured briefly. “This is it, again it's not much... I think the bed is too big for this space, but it’s comfortable.” you went around to your closet pulling out a pair of black slacks and a white button down. You laughed to yourself. “That pink frosting was not coming off of my shirt. That’s two shirts you owe me, Kento.” 

“I’ll have to make it up to you,” he said as he looked around the room. “What about this weekend? Are you free? I could take you shopping.” 

You laughed again, “You’re like the main lead in a drama series. You’re too much, you know that?” 

“Sorry?” He offered. 

You smiled at him.“Thank you, but I’ll take a rain check on the shopping. I can get my own stuff. I’m hanging out with Akari on my half day, but Sunday I’ll be free,” you said as you buttoned your pants. “That is if you want to meet up on Sunday… if you’ve available.” 

You turned to him and saw him blush this time. “Sunday…works.” You smiled victoriously as you walked over to him in just your bra. He stared at your face and you nodded briefly as if to give him permission to look. His eyes trailed down. “It’s a shame we have to hurry to campus. Are you sure Shoko can’t wait.” 

“She’s doing me a favor by offering to teach me, I can’t do that to her,” you said. He placed his hands on your hips and pulled you forward. You looked up expectantly and he planted a soft kiss on your lips. You smiled. 

You finished getting dressed and you felt his eyes never leave you as you moved around. He walked behind you out of the room and into the kitchen where you proudly showed him the bread you had made. 

“This is a very secret recipe, I doubt you’ll ever have one as good as this.” He looked down at the bread and smiled fondly. He picked up one of the little buns and slowly bit into it. You watched his face carefully for a reaction. You saw his eyes water slightly as he savored the treat. 

He smiled and nodded. “Good.” 

You were a bit confused. “Yeah…you okay?” He seemed to be lost in thought. “Kento?” 

He smiled again and blinked a few times. “Yes, sorry, it brought up some memories. This is very good, Y/N.” 

You smiled, deciding to not push it. “I worked at a bakery for a short time.” You looked at the buns. “They're good but you should have tried the ones where I learned… I guess people are masters for a reason.” He nodded and continued to eat. 

“Did you want coffee or-” Suddenly your phone rang. You pulled it out of your pocket and read the name, Shoko. 

“Hello?” you answered. 

“Hey, Y/N. I’ve been called out to do something so I won't be at the school this morning. Is there any way you could come in during your lunch?” 

“I think that should work,” you said. Nanami looked at you curiously. 

“Great, see you then.” 

“Ooo~ is that Y/N?’ you heard Gojo’s voice in the background before she hung up. 

You looked at your phone and then back up at Nanami. “So it looks like we have time after all, Shoko just rescheduled.” You sighed and leaned against the counter. “Sorry for rushing you before. Did you want some coffee or anything? I need a little pick me up.” 

He shook his head, “Sit down, you’ve had a long morning. Do you mind if I make us some coffee?” 

“I can make it for you, it's no problem-”

“I insist. It’s the least I can do,” he said with a smile. You smiled back and nodded. 

“Fine, let me atleast get the ingredients out for you.” 

“I’m sure I can find what I need,” he said, gesturing for you to go sit at the table.

You obliged and sat down with a happy sigh. You watched as he moved around the kitchen, looking for ingredients. The coffee, the sugar, etc. You smiled as he grumbled to himself as he searched for items and he would occasionally look over at you for some guidance. You pointed at your cup drawer and he looked over at you as he pulled out two mugs. He held one in his hand and read the text. 

He frowned. “I used to work at this company,” he said. 

“Ah, I got it as a freebie after signing up for their newsletter or something like that, I don't remember now.” You laughed, “I wonder if you were at that event. It must have been around the time you worked there. Before I had this apartment I used to rent one close to their headquarters, so I would walk by almost daily. We were so close and had no idea.” 

Nanami smiled, bringing over two cups of coffee and the tray of bread. “I don’t think you would have liked me then.” 

“What do you mean?” You took the warm cup from him. 

He sighed as he sat, “I feel as if I was a soulless shell of a man focused on money”

“Was?” you teased. 

He gave you a look, “Am I still?” You blew on your cup and smiled slyly. He smiled, “I guess I am still focused on money, but soulless?”

“Definitely not, I can tell by the way you made this coffee,” you said, taking a sip. He shook his head and looked down at his cup. He had taken the one with his old company logo. 

“Would you have liked me?” He mumbled. 

“Probably not, if I’m honest,” you said bluntly. You smiled, “I hate stiffs in suits and I don’t have much money so I doubt you’d have given me the time of day anyway.” 

“Stiffs in suits? Isn’t that what I am now?” 

“At least you’re helping people, now. That company always had a fishy vibe, there was always a tan blonde man in sunglasses who would try to pick me up with bad English phrases.” You scrunched your face. “Sound like someone you know?” 

He laughed. “Unfortunately I know who you’re referring to.”

The two of you finished up your breakfast and Nanami offered to do the dishes while you tidied up. You wiped down your counters as he rinsed the cups. You moved on to the table. 

Laying on the table were the two business cards the lawyer had handed you. You examined the sturdy ivory rectangle and the elegant gold lettering of the man’s business card. Hiromi Higuruma, it sounded like a name out of a tv show. You looked up and saw Nanami staring at the card in your hand with disdain. You smiled, laughing a bit at his expression. 

“Here,” you reached out and handed him the card. “Hold on to this for me, you never know when I might need a lawyer.” 

He begrudgingly took the card and scanned the writing, the scowl still on his face. “I’ll keep you out of trouble.” He tucked the card into his pocket. 

“Did he really bother you that much?” 

“Please, enough about him,” he said with a sigh.

“I kind of like that you’re jealous,” you teased. “Anyway, what are you so worried about?” You reached out and put a hand on his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.” You felt his cheek grow warm as a blush came over his face.

Nanami looked down at his watch, he seemed to be calculating something in his head. “We have about thirty minutes until we have to leave right?”

“Yeah, why?” 

He suddenly moved closer to you, putting his hand on either side of the table around your waist. “Should we make use of our morning?”He gave you a cocky smirk as he gently moved one of his hands under your chin, tilting your face upwards.

You felt your face burning now. “What can we even do in only half an hour” 

He tilted his head as he thought. “Well we really only have twenty minutes,  I would allow us another ten to compose ourselves.”

“Do you think that’s enough?” you asked, laughing. 

He shrugged as he brought his face closer to yours. “We can make it work.” He closed the distance between you, delicately placing his lips on yours. He was so warm, so soft. You pulled him closer, placing your hand on the back of his head and lacing your fingers within his silky blonde locks. His lips moved softly against yours, his hand gently placed on your back as he settled himself between your legs. You pulled back for a second and looked up at him. His lips were glistening with your mixed saliva and face was flush. You smiled. 

“Seeing as I haven’t really had the time to do laundry, and the fact that I’m down a couple of shirts, and that we have a record of being…messy. I propose we move this to my bedroom.” 

He smiled and nodded. He placed another soft kiss on your lips before backing up to let you move forward away from the table. 

“I’ll try to not let it become a habit.” 

“What?”

“Ruining your shirts.” 

“To be fair you only ruined two, the other one was that monster.” You shrugged, “Some things are just inevitable.” You turned towards him once you were in your room and started unbuttoning your shirt. “Should we set a timer?” you joked. 

Nanami set his blazer aside and loosened his tie. “We can be quick about it. We made do in that bathroom.” 

You felt your cheeks go red, “Oh my god,” you buried your face in your hands and sat on the bed. You heard him chuckle and you looked up. He placed a hand down onto your cheek and you smiled at him. He slowly lowered his face down towards you and kissed your forehead. He pushed you onto your back as he finished unbuttoning his shirt. You shifted your weight as you reached down to pull your pants down. You slipped them off of your legs and suddenly felt him grab your right ankle. He smiled coyly as he placed it up onto his shoulders, you felt your face go red as you looked at him. He held your leg firmly as he lazily unbuttoned his pants and shuffled them down to expose himself. You felt your heartbeat quicken as he moved forward and ran his cock over your underwear. He moved forward, placing his knees on the bed as he brought your legs up onto his thighs. He picked up your left leg and pressed it against his side as he moved forward to kiss you. You groaned as you felt your right thigh stretch against his chest. You moved one of your hands onto his shoulder and the other laced into his hair bringing him closer. Your tongues danced as you desperately kissed him. He continued to buck his hips, running his cock over your now soaked panties. He grunted at the friction and quickly moved back suddenly. You whimpered again as your leg moved back up with him. He let go of your left leg and moved it over opening your legs wide before him. He looked up at you, his pupils wide and his mouth wet with your spit. He swallowed hard as his eyes trailed down your body. “Y/N…I don’t know how to explain what you do to me…” He licked his lips as he thrust his hips forward against your clothed cunt. “I apologize in advance if I’m being too rough.” He looked back up at you. “Please let me know if I’m too rough..” He moved a hand down and pushed aside the wet fabric easily. 

He pressed his tip lightly against your opening. You moved a hand forward and pressed it against his abdomen stopping him momentarily. “Kento…” 

His head snapped up to meet your eyes. “Yes?”

There was a desperation in his gaze that made you feel a warmth in your chest. “It’s okay.” You moved your hand back and lifted your arms over your head. “Be rough with me, please…” you moaned and arched your back as you felt him dip a little deeper inside you. 

Nanami quickly grabbed your other leg and pressed it back against you as he moved forward and buried himself deep inside of you. You let out a yelp, which was muffled by him devouring your lips. He pushed his hips roughly against you, desperately, quickly, as he held your legs further back. You were folded over yourself and you felt the head of his cock bully the deepest parts of you. You gasped everytime he pushed into you, becoming a mumbling mess under his touch. He slipped an arm behind you and brought you closer to him and you gasped at the change in position. He had you trapped in a mating press and all you could do was mutter incoherently. “Kento!” you cried, tears forming in your eyes from the pleasure. He moved his mouth from your lips and trailed sloppy kisses down to your jaw and into your neck. You felt him bite your skin gently before latching onto the side of your neck. He was going to leave a mark, you were sure. You moved your arms forward and hugged his large torso towering over you. He wasn’t slowing down and you were reaching your limit. You dug your nails into his back and you heard him hiss as he released your neck. He smiled snarkily before moving to the other side of your neck and biting down on it. You dragged your nails along his back again and he bit down harder. You cried out as he desperately moved his hips with more force, his knees slipping and forcing him deeper as he temporarily let his weight drop on you for an instant. You moaned loudly and clenched your entire body as you came. He grunted into your ear as he thrust his hips one more time before releasing with a roar. 

You were both breathing heavily as he stayed inside of you for a while longer, twitching against your contracting walls. He kissed your face gently as he tried to catch his breath and you smiled, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling. After some time he finally moved back, releasing your legs which had been trapped between the two of you. He took a moment to massage your thighs in his hands. You hummed in appreciation. 

You felt him move back and pull out of you. You winced as you felt warm liquid ooze out of you. You pointed to your bedside table and he quickly fetched a handkerchief to clean you up. 

“I might have gotten carried away again.” 

You laughed and sat up sorely. “It's only 8 am.” You mumbled. He smiled at you and you saw his eyes trail to your neck. You put a hand over the spots he had leeched on to. He smiled satisfied as he made his way off the bed. 

“I’m going to take a quick shower…would you like to join me?” You nodded and scooted off of the bed. You looked at him as he turned his back towards you and winced. He turned to look. “What? Is something wrong?” 

“Your back,” you said with a frown. “I didn’t realize how hard I was scratching.” 

He peeked over his shoulder at the sharp red lines. “Nothing you can’t fix,” he said. He went over to you and scooped you up in his arms. 

After your quick shower together you went back into your bedroom to get dressed. You looked in the mirror at your body. He had left a mark at the base of your neck, just low enough to be covered by the collar of your shirt. You looked at his reflection in the mirror and saw he was staring with a smile on his face. “I might have been caught up in the moment, but I made sure I was careful.” 

You smiled back and looked at the mark again. You looked back up at him. “This…this doesn’t have anything to do with you being jealous does it?” 

He blinked and you saw his eyebrows furrow slightly. “No,” he huffed, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeve.. “Why would you- No, I’m not-”

You laughed. “Sorry, I had to tease. I love when you get flustered.”

He sighed and came up behind you, leaning down to rest his chin on your shoulder. “Do you have the lady lawyer’s card? What was her name? Shimizu? I think I should hold on to her card as well.” 

You frowned and leaned your head into his. “I knew it. You’re leaving me for her.” 

He laughed and wrapped his arms around you bringing you closer to him. He buried his face into your neck and took a deep breath. He pressed a kiss into your shoulder before moving up to kiss your cheek. “We should get going.” 

You turned to look at him. “Okay.” He took your hands and lifted them to his lips to give them a gentle kiss. 

“Make sure Shoko doesn’t go too far, she has a habit of getting carried away…”

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

pt 1.  pt 2. pt 3. pt 4. pt 5.

˚₊✩‧₊thank you for reading my way too overly complicated fic, i have so much planned and its all really self indulgent but I'm glad I can share it with other nanami lovers. i'll try to be better about posting the next part without a three month ghosting period, but in my defense the end of 2024 was out to get me....anyway much love to you all and as always if you saw a typo, no you didn't -Nana

˚₊✩‧₊ taglist: @wrldtups @rjreins @phattyboo90 @tnyblacklesbo @silkija @justwantedachange @inthedarkshadows000 @nniiyyaa @starkmila09 @sikuthealien @wifenanami @bloombb @kentos-glasses @inciteterr0r @naturalismi @kimkimoruo @thatvintagefanboy @lavenderdaydream97

[snapscube]

hey penny!! i hope you're doing good :] not sure if you're looking for any feedback right now for midnight snap so if this message is unwarranted then no hard feelings at all <3 maybe it's just me and tbh it's hard for me to tell bc it's probably subjective, but as someone who's particularly sensitive to sound it sometimes feels like your voice gets lost in certain game music in your videos. i've listened both on mobile and on desktop and i think it's worse on desktop, more comfortable on mobile (for some reason). like, i find myself straining to hear you and pretty often i need to pause to take breaks because i get easily overstimulated. it's definitely not sfx that get me, just background music you know??? i especially noticed it in your freddi fish video around the start of the second game, but it's in other videos too like when you played animal crossing. it isn't too bad though tbh, still overall a super cozy series and i'm grateful you're still doing it!! if everything stays the same, i'll still watch it. i'd really love to know what you think and if you can confirm if anyone else has said something like this, i wonder if there's any merit to what i'm saying cause i just wanna help ^^;

i appreciate the feedback! i'll admit i'm still definitely trying to nail down the sound mixing of Midnight Snap. there's a LOT that goes into it between recording environment, VST setups for my live microphone effects, post-processing effects when it makes it to the actual edit timeline, etc. also admittedly this is a genre of content i'm still relatively new to making (never dabbled in asmr or anything) and though it's easy to put out a super long video normally and have people say its good for sleeping as a fun side effect, actually trying to make something FROM THE GROUND UP for relaxation comes with a lot of consideration i'm still not quite specialized in yet haha, especially with how long the breaks have been up to now. none of this is meant to handwave ur issues btw im taking everything into account here, just wanted to explain why its somewhat in flux right now!

my approach for the last few episodes of the show has been to heavily compress the dynamics of the audio, which might contribute to what ur dealing with here. although at the end of the day there's not much i can do to anticipate literally every individual user's listening conditions cause there's gonna be sooo much variance there. i can definitely try to put more focus on maybe separating the heaviest frequences of the voice track vs the game track though. as it stands i tend to cut back on the high frequencies a lot in both cases cause i personally just find higher frequencies a lot more distracting and harsh and to me what ends up sounding soothing is a very smooth and rumbly kind of profile. but of course audio mixing is all about balance so i'll see how i can maybe dial that in a little more distinctly! hopefully as i continue to standardize what editing software i use for the show as well as how it's recorded i can do more to brush out any remaining issues in the sound design :) thanks again!

[strqyr]

Also do you ever think about the legal processes of the Academies? Bc i do. All the damn time. "The Academies let students die or get injured all the time and get away with it!" Where??? Did we forget the safety measures put everywhere to prevent that from happening?? Did we miss the fact that there's an entire process where if something DOES go wrong (either during a training mission or even outside of the Academy), those in charge (i.e. Ozpin) have to make sure what happened doesn't happen again (like interviewing the students) otherwise they can get in real trouble and held responsible?? Or the fact that there's no legal waiver prior to joining the Academies, so it's safe to assume you can sue them if something does happen?

Oh wait, these are all easily missable details held in side books or are subtle and easy to pass over while watching the show (like Ozpin lying, saying the students WILL die and that they won't intervene, vs the cameras all around the Emerald Forest and Glynda suggesting they intervene bc of Jaune iirc. Shocking, the liar lied /sar). I guess I can't blame people for missing these things bc most ppl aren't nearly as autistic as I am about this show.

Oh also, like,, when talking about the Academies supposedly being really dangerous and letting students die. If this were a real issue I feel like it would've been addressed by now? Cinder absolutely would've brought it up in v3 (it'd be ooc for her NOT to), and while Hazel's story revolved around Gretchens death, it's not painted as a common issue that's happened to a lot of people (which would've been an interesting plot, if they went that way), just that Gretchen's death was highly unusual and a tragic accident (based on how it was handled). Like. It happens but it's absolutely not common!! And it's surprising it doesn't happen MORE considering the world RWBY takes place in (magical Australia with magical Florida men. Hell of a place. Wdym you have giant desert crabs more dangerous than Grimm and a desert hot enough to turn sweat to steam and wdym Remnant humans are able to just. Casually shrug this shit off?? This deserves its own post it's actually insane).

Just. Gestures vaguely. It's something I think about all the time and it drives me bonkers when people get this stuff wrong. I think it stems from the belief that Ozpin is bad and he made the Academies so the Academies must be cartoonishly corrupt even when it makes no sense, not for the world or the characters involved (seriously, Oz would NEVER allow students to regularly die on his watch, based on how guilty and responsible he felt over Gretchen's death). I just. Aughugghdg gnawing on drywall.

Sorry for rambling about fictional laws in your inbox, it might happen again

tbh i think this is a perfect example how much simple words—no matter how truthful or not—take higher precedence in peoples' minds than anything else, no matter how much proof there is against the very same words. and if that proof also requires you to stop and think about it rather than just having plain words delivered to your eyes or ears, well. . .

it's a lot easier and quicker to directly quote ozpin than it is to pile all the proof that proves otherwise—especially when that proof is hidden in side material, which not everyone has access to in the same capacity as the show itself. if the show had had something like, either ozpin or glynda sending a message to some unnamed hunters to be on the stand-by during the initiation, or even something as simple as on a later date showcasing the cameras used during the initiation also having a taser that can be used against grimm, that'd already make a huge difference.

but when all you've got is "do not hesitate to destroy everything in your path... or you will die." and "you will be monitored and graded through the duration of your initiation, but our instructors will not intervene." it's like. well. what can you do lol.

and like it wouldn't make any sense for them to not intervene and just let new students die on their first day like. the world presumably needs hunters and it's not very good practice if you allow those willing to learn and train to become one to die before they even get properly started. like i feel like any headmaster who was losing even just one first-year student every year during initiation would get kicked out pretty quickly. i mean, who would actually accept that? even as a civilian i'd be like, hey, those people want to actually do the pretty important job, why aren't you keeping them alive while at school so they can actually do that, ya know?

it's one thing to accept the fact that hunters die during a job; it's another thing to find it acceptable when they're still in school training, and to treat the latter as a norm is the same as treating the populace of remnant as idiots with no regard to human lives.

but there's definitely bias at play, too. while i am of the mind that the academies—or more like the system they're part of—needs changing ( namely the whole "the combat schools start training kids at age 13" part ), there's definitely some of that "character bad so their every action is bad, too" mentality running around too.

which i'm not too surprised about. i've seen it a lot with people criticizing ironwood's actions like. . . ya can't really say that ironwood having two seats at atlas council is bad while also saying that he was wrong to report everything directly to the rest of vale's council and not just ozpin, just bc it got ozpin into a hot water. like that just doesn't compute, and i feel like the same applies to a lot of discussion around ozpin and the academies, as well.

sure, there are things to criticize about ozpin's methods—like yeah sending scouts first is smart, but those scouts being first-year students who shouldn't be in that area in the first place bc special treatment for secret war reasons and stuff? not that smart, send pros pls—, but that doesn't mean you need to throw the baby away with the bath water.

i hope this makes any sense lmao i feel like i lost the plot multiple times writing this and trying to get back on track 😭

[northwindow]

hey julia !! hope ur doing well... am asking u [instead of messaging!] this bc i imagine u might say some rly cool stuff that other ppl would love to see also lol... but i just wondered if u had any basic tips or resources about like developing a (short-term) writing routine? the context is not fiction writing but like academic but i feel like my academic writing is a creative practice so yeah, hope that makes sense! hope its okay to ask ! have a lovely day <3

hi anna marie! you ask the very question i need answered for myself… i am in a very slow place creatively so i feel silly to be giving advice! but i’ve been thinking about how to get things flowing again. very basic but helpful to me:

getting feedback from other people at a regular interval - i am very shy and this can feel like pulling teeth but it’s so worth it, i am always amazed how much it pushes me to finish things i would have otherwise languished on forever

reading a lot (of course) - it helps me to read a bit directly before starting to write. but also being intentional about it and having a defined list of inspiring works… i recently listened to david naimon interview joanna hedva and he asked them which writers were “squatting over” their latest book which i thought was a good way of putting it! i would like to curate a "squatters shelf" to dip into for inspiration on whatever project i'm working on

distinguishing between writing vs. editing time - this is hard for me because i am a very "edit as you go" type person but sometimes it's stifling! in another interview with tommy pico i heard him talk about his writing routine as very everything-goes, yes-and, accumulation-focused style on monday-thursday and then friday is reserved for finding what was good and refining it. i have always wanted to try this!

incorporating a degree of controlled randomness into the routine - whether it be randomizing where you physically work, what part of the project you work on, or brainstorming new ideas, i really enjoy drawing an option "out of a hat" (i hope that makes sense) at some stage of the writing process. i know i am going to be surprised and challenged by a guiding force even in a small way and want to see what’s going to happen.

something that has helped me a lot with routine in general is “habit stacking” i.e. trying to bundle a new task into something you already do regularly - i have not thought about how to do this with writing, but i have successfully bundled reading into drinking my morning coffee every day and it has changed my life significantly

also: i really like that you specified a short-term routine! i think temporary routines keep things interesting, help mark time, and more fully immerse me in things, so academia might be onto something with semesters etc… i am curious about trying to have a self-imposed writing “season” followed by an “off season” where i chill and eat peaches and watch the sopranos every night or whatever without guilt. (one might say i am chilling right now lol… but it’s definitely guilty chilling!) i also love that you see your academic project as a creative pursuit, i hope you are having a really fruitful time so far! ❤️

[according2thelore]

wait i have more to say. i saw someone else say that youre their favorite wincest writer and i just need to raise my hand and say ME TOO!!!!

i only VERY recently admitted to my best friend that i ship them and when i was reading house song i was going NUTS and i NEEDED to talk about it. so i ended up sending my friend a 10 minute long voice message going through the plot and how beautifully written it is and how its fucking me up!!!!!! im going crazy and shaking dean just SHOT HIS DAD!!!!!!!!! AND IT WAS BELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!! and my friend was like holy fuck that fic sounds crazy but in a good way and they dont ship it but i think they at least get it now lmfao because wow.

and deans guilt over the life he has given sam. an orphan living on a mattress with no money and just his fucked up older brother. goddamn. i want to hug dean. and sam thinking the worst that dean left him like dad. but then ultimately realizing there is literally NOTHING dean wouldnt do to reach him. its just so cathartic and OH THE FLASHBACK TO BABY SAM. ‘no boo boos?’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME? and then then the parallel because sam is covered in blood again and it ISNT HIS. NO BOO BOOS!!!!!!! but he is so so so hurt oh my goddddd

im sorry im so feral about you i just dont have the magical talent with words that you do. like deans admission and saying that the word falls out of his mouth like a dead body hits the ground????? how can i even attempt to match your beautiful fucking mind. ugh. i wont recover from this. your an inspiration for real. okay i will leave you alone now thank you for the brain worms

HELLO!!

GUH the hits keep COMING!!!!!!

i am giggling and kicking my feet that you explained my fic to a FRIEND HOLY SHIT!!!!! oh to hear this voice message lol <3

i had to read this ask series out loud to charlotte, who was also giggling and kicking her feet on my behalf.

i am so glad you found it believable! that was one of the biggest struggles for me, and i liked the boys' characterization in this one, so i'm so sososo happy that you did too!!!!!

i've never done this before, but i thought since you like it, you might find the planning process interesting! i don't do outlines for all of my fics, just the really hefty ones (the heaven fic, this one, and a few others), and i've found this helps me a lot! you can see some things that i've cut or changed. charlotte and i usually plan these out over face time, lol, and she was mostly asleep through this entire planning one (in her defense, she had been working all day). i hope you find it interesting!

i hope you don't think less of me now that you know i wrote that they "boink" 🙏 it was like two in the morning. also handwriting reveal? omg?

anon, i've said it before but i'll say it again--THANK YOU SO MUCH🥺🥺🥺🥺 uno reverse card as well bc folks like you encourage/inspire authors to keep writing!

i always love hearing which parts folks like best, and this fed me for months to come!!!!!!

and please feel welcome to come back and scream with me about these two any time the mood hits you, lol!

-lizzy BELIEVE IT OR NOT BECAUSE ANON IS TRYING TO MELT ME this is 2/3!!!!!!

(house song, the fic in question for anyone curious!)

[itsmarsss]

me reading the chapter actuauly

ogm omfgdsjg; d i cant this is so much blitzo constantly thinking of readers words and them lingering in his mind omg i need them to make up i cannot stand this wht he hell he think that no one will be there to cross out the o but i guarantee reader with her saggy ass and titties (as an old lady) would cross the rings to do so

him hating the weekend sfngdg i canot your depictions of him feel so in character it makes me think you are a writer for the show i cannot believe that this fic is literally changing my life (for the better) ofmfks

SEEING THAT TEY TEXTED CONSISTENLY AND IT MADE HIM NOT HATE WEEKENDS AS MUCHDSG and they made it a habit to spend the weeksends together to hate them less i cannot stnat this omsg my heart

"Maybe it’ll be in one of those days when he’ll be climbing up Stolas’ balcony and then he’ll slip and fall and break all his bones only to be found dead on the grass surrounded by ball gags and anal plugs" this took me out SO BAD lmfao i just stared at my screen like

BUT THEN IMEDDIENYL HAD TO TURN AWAY BC OF THE "PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT FOLDER"

mars when i actch you mars i will fnaf jumpscare you irl this is not it. BABRIE AND HIS MOM WHAT IF I BROKE DOWN??? THEN YOU FOLLOW IT UP WITH "blitz is a 35year old single father who kills people...But in this moment… he just wants his mama." LIKE??? HOW DARE YOU ???? THAT IS SUCH A SORE SPOT BC I FEEL LIKE CRYING EVERYTIME I HEAR AB OLD POPEL MISSING THEIR PARENTS AND IT SLIKE FUGHG crying as i think ab it actually whi cant stand this

then his thought process the whole party omg he literally just wanted an escape to not feel. i cant do this anymore him asking loona to call him dad i crided

then when they leave he pulls out his phone to draw and i jsut sdjfdg i died

NOW FOR THE CONVO WITH STOLAS?? UFHH you probably grabbed it from the many ss of their messages that are shown but still omg his immediate backtracking made me want to pull my hair out bc no thats not how you talk UGHHH

then him asking loona if she would be there when he is old and she is like "ill be there dad" i cant i fucking hate this show why would they do that to me (then he vomits)

literally me after reading blitz portion

FIZZ FIDNING READER OGM he must've felt bad bc he was liek "fuckk that was the chick with blitz and stolas oph shit fuck cock"

reader having no one other than ozzie (in that moment) to go to ufhg (get this woman some friends) and their whole convo what if i

her asking ozzie if he thinks she stupid bc blitz words are echoing in her mind just as much as hers did in his omg i need them to kiss and make up please someone grow communcation skills FUCKING

stolas message with her is so late i cant stand this i think i wills start fcrying again

also her expecting a "fuck you" message from blitz only to get something that made her feel better mars stop this

this is madness when i get you i am shaking you really hard LMFAO

anyways those are my thoughts plz tell my u times this bc idk how long this took

this is the most in-depth comment anyone's ever sent me for my writing and i actually wanna cry

every time you talk about how invested in this you are and how much you love it i feel like crying djmdjmvjfk its just like i cant believe someone would care enough to leave me THIS this is so cool and so fucking nice!!

the thing about how he used to hate weekends because it meant he'd be alone and how he stopped hating them once reader came into his life came from a little blurb thingy i never ended up posting, and i felt it fit right into this chapter!

i liked writing this one a lot because the chaos in blitzos head allowed me to be all over the place and cover a lot of different stuff at once lol it was pretty cool

whenever anyone says something abt my writing being really in character it makes me feel so proud i just get so happy that it feels like ya know im taking these characters people care so much for that they're reading fanfiction about them and writing them from my perception and its so cool to have people feel like im doing them justice!!

the death with the sex toys part was a... choice lmao i thought it'd be funny to use the way blitzo's thoughts are all over the place to convey how easily they go from dumb thoughts to really depressive ones

oh the asking loona to call him dad again was added just to hurt yall i wont make excuses its there to be evil lol

yeah the convo w stolas was mostly taken out of the texts we see in stolas' phone in western energy, but i altered a few things here and there but yeah omfg what always got me with those texts is exactly that. like hes so so desperate to have things be okay he backtracks everything he's trying to say just to not feel that blitz is mad at him

i thought i could also add the layer of blitzo beeing too drunk to reply properly which is another reason for the texts to seem so cold

and ohhh yeah the thing with fizz finding her is that its both a 'fuck what i did hurt this girl' and also that kind of 'idk what to do rn' feeling of interacting with your partner's friends who you're not close enough to to have like a real conversation with lol

yeahhh im glad it was possible to catch that lol the chapter was v blitzo centered so we go through reader's pov of things very wuickly but yeah what blitz said abt her kept echoing in her mind just as much as what she said to him did in his!!

i thought the whole 'expecting a fuck you' thing would be fun to add in considering he does consider sending her a fuck you text in the beginning of the chapter lol

and seriously i think having the doodle there instead of just a description of it made it all so much more motional thank you so so much for it!!! i hope you liked the birthday gift!!!! happy birthday babes!!!!!

[chemnections]

It’s infuriating when people take anything F says and does to be shade directed at G, or somehow to be about G. WHY does everything have to be about Gerard, can’t Frank be his own person? You and the people you interact with also do this and I don’t get it bc you guys seem like Frank fans too. Surely he doesn’t have mfing gerard of all people front and center in his mind constantly, jeez 🫠. LS Dunes is thriving and Frank finally has bandmates who actually appreciate him, yet mcr fans here (on twitter too) STILL tie everything he does to mcr/gerard, and have been doing so since stomachaches era. As a Frank fan I honestly see this as devaluing his work, and I genuinely don’t get how others don’t see it as such. Frank’s existence doesn’t revolve around Gerard, and I’m sick of mcr fans pretending it does.

this is going to have to be an agree to disagree thing.

first, this is ultimately a mcr blog. even though i am a frank fan.

mcr fans have reason to pay attention to band conflict because less fighting means more mcr, and more fighting means less mcr.

second, interpersonal conflict is normal and everyone deals with it. and it’s very normal to write about it especially in music. and frank has been quoted saying that he often writes lyrics that continue or finish an ongoing conversation he’s been having.

and interpersonal conflict with gerard is also different than regular conflict with a friend. because it’s tied directly to their careers. frank never wanted to give mcr up and wants to continue with it. you can replace a drummer (three times) but you can’t replace the vocalist.

mcr at the time of the breakup was tied so closely with his personal identity and his career and it was taken away from him for reasons outside of his control. his solo projects are essential to his creative expression and for him to have a career that he has more control over. and he is a truly incredible artist and i’ve lived following his career.

but conflict like that takes a lot of processing, especially when it’s ongoing.

but for me part of enjoying his music is listening to what he writes and says. and it’s too hard to deny the call and answer of lyrical themes between frank and gerard’s first solo albums. and as frank’s work continues on many songs revolves around encouraging someone to to also continue on. Occam’s razor tells us who it is.

besides the topic, frank’s lyrics are relatable and have inspiring messages embedded. the topic of the songs doesn’t take away from that. and i’m not always thinking about mcr when i listen.

ls dunes’ care deeply about frank, but all of them have had similar experiences being in bands. and that’s a big reason why they created ls dunes to begin with, to have a project where they don’t have to feel like a cage bird in a sense.

when violet came out i was really looking for songs that weren’t about interpersonal conflict within bands, and specifically conflict that doesn’t have to do with mcr. i was actually shocked how heavy they went on it. violet is filled with repeating themes that have been in frank’s work for the past decade.

but the music is of quality that draws people in, it’s good music.

frank lives a rich life, outside of music and outside of mcr. but that doesn’t mean it always ends up in a song. and that’s probably a good thing on its own. you don’t need multiple songs to say how good things are going. many artist use art for coping. and there is no shame about that.

and i admit i hope one day he releases a project that has nothing to do with his conflict with gerard and mcr because i’m curious what it would be like and think there is a lot of creative potential there.

so no, i don’t believe i am devaluing frank’s work by noticing and talking about the patterns i see. what the songs are about is part of critical analysis.

but you are allowed to disagree, and the block button is there for a reason.

[brookeginko]

8, 27, 29 for the writer ask thingy :3 this message will violently explode your inbox.

YASSSS THANK UUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY TO GET THIS ASKKKKK :))))))

8: if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

OOOO OKAY!!!! So ignoring the several fics i have that are incomplete (</3) id say this one! This was my really short fake relationship Akimina fic I wrote on Reload launch day mostly to take a break from the game so I didn’t go crazy JAKFKKAK. I’d say I’d want to write a sequel to it just because its so short and I think there’s a lot of potential, but I don’t think I would because I think there are more compelling ways I could approach a fake dating fic as someone who loves writing them. And for fandoms outside of Persona, probably this one :) This is a longass Wordgirl (yeah. the show for five year olds. leave me alone.) fic I wrote for some. reason. but I did actually have an AU in mind for a continuation of it that I never really got far in. 

27: your favorite part of the writing process

OOH OKAY HM. I’m not gonna say posting bc that seems like a cop-out so I’m gonna go ahead and say dialogue :3! It’s so fun for me to write, especially during serious conversations and silly moments. Sometimes a conversation will flow so well I have to set my phone down and scream for a second it makes me so happy AJOFKWKD I actually used to struggle with making my fics a little too dialogue-heavy just because I liked writing dialogue a lot more than prose just because its so fun for me

29: how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

ah. well. I don’t even know how to answer this because truthfully it takes me about four seconds. I am wayyyy too impatient to not post a fic because I can’t think of a title HAIDKJA so I just give it whatever name I first thing of. Some of my longer fics have more thought out titles because I have more time to think about them (midnight skies & pale gray eyes because both of those things were recurring motifs in the fic + rhymes are epic and between the sun and the far side of the moon because it fits with akimina and the tone of the fic + its a lyric from a song i performed for example) but my shorter one shots will usually just have lyrics from songs as their titles. Actually about 80% of my P3 fics have their title as a lyric from a P3 song which is. A little embarrassing WJDIKAK

THANK U AGAIN FOR THE ASK BAGEL ILY

[slaughtergutz]

Yeah, I really didn't like the way the Fishman Island arc was handled either. The royals do nothing and it's framed as if everyone should just stop being mad at humans even when they have legitimate reasons.

Like hody was a bad villain, but alot of it comes down to oda writing him like a completely one dimensional evil dude. And sometimes doing so clashes really badly with other stuff we're shown.

I get so mad when hody says that humans did nothing to him to earn his hate and its presented as true--that his hate is empty and unreasonable. Even though we see that in flashbacks as a small kid he grew up under constant threat of being kidnapped or killed by humans and adults in his district were killing themselves to take out slave markets. But somehow that's nothing and empty? What because he wasn't personally a slave or killed by a human?

I mean it would be interesting if it was shown that he only says that because he doesn't want to look weak, like humans could traumatized him or hurt people he cared about because they're supior but it's not framed that way. It's just like yeah, he's just being crazy and hateful for 0 reason.

And the prince is like, yeah, we should have worked on ourselves. We were wrong for being mad that humans attacked and enslaved us. Hates not the way--we should just stop being upset. Even though we see no evidence that humans have changed since we still need our home protected by a human pirate so we don't all get killed and shipped off as slaves like before.

Like I'm happy we got more arlong, but dang the message in the arc was handled badly.

yeah the arc in general was rushed af. I think it's probably one of the shortest we've gotten since like, the east blue.

I do kinda like Hody as someone whose never personally been victimized by humans (most probably avoided the Fishman District by the time Arlong was an adult, he was taking care of a lot of em during that time I imagine), bc there really are people who just like to cause havoc in the name of an ideal but not having any real meaning and just wanting violence for violence sakes. In that way I think Hody is fine, but jfc, yeah to everything else.

Also the other two brothers are so fucking annoying. Ah yes let's make sure Shirahoshi is never allowed to feel sad ever, so she can grow up to be an adult unable to process her emotions properly. What could possibly go wrong?

[seasidewanderers]

https://www.tumblr.com/seasidewanderers/758499500245565441/btw-when-i-see-anti-endos-get-like-1-5-notes-even?source=share

being educated about disorders is not 'dying out' and its not mean to follow science. most people with CDDs that aren't terminally online are not in support of endos bc nobody in real life cares! it is not mean to not like misinformation! for you to be so heavily backing anti-scientific rhetoric as someone with DID is unfortunate to see! I hope you can change and grow as a person and educate yourself!

(this post)

I think you just read the first paragraph, maybe, and then just assumed I was talking about whatever?

as kids these days say: I didn't fucking say that. please point me to where I said it's "mean to follow science/correct misinformation" so I can go back and correct it, or where I implied it, or used any work-around phrasing of it. I am willing to correct myself if I spread misinformation!

second. endogenic plurals just existing, across a range of centuries more so, using the language that was and is available for them at any time, are not harming you or me. they're just kind of there, you know. they're not spreading misinformation just by being there.

and I know someone reading this will get it twisted, syscourse be like that sometimes. I'm not saying that endos can't ever spread misinformation.

seriously you've gotta work on the black and white thinking, and you really, really, have to work on the inferring words and meanings other than what it's being said. I get it alright, I do it all the time. but I'm learning to accept that most of the time people don't think of any message that could be in between the lines before saying something.

I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. nothing more, nothing less

anyway. rant about the post done! thank you for caring about me and how I'm doing, and wishing me growth. I am growing in fact. I've learned a lot since I started being in syscourse, what... 4? 5? years ago? and I've changed, so so much, as one does even without DID...

in fact, I've become less pro endo over the years. when I started I would just support everything in the name of inclusion, and I've surely hurt a few people in that, and it's awful. then I joined syscourse spaces that specifically are against misinformation no matter the "side" you're on, and it's one of the few choices I can be proud of.

I would tag these people just to let them know how much they've meant to me over the course of the years but... hey, you know who you are.

still. I don't support endos "because who cares, everything is good to go always, they do and have done no harm at any point"

I support endos because they know their brains better than I or you do, because they're entitled to know what's going on in their brains if they want to find out, and they deserve a space to analyse it, and find community meanwhile because we as a species are social creatures and need each other, all at their own pace.

and if they find they've been wrong - about being plural, or about being endo, or whatever - they deserve a space to rethink that, too at their own pace. I just support endos because I don't think them as "the endos", I think about them as people, each with their own experience as people are, and they deserve a space for their thoughts and internal processes, and it's unkind to force them into something they don't want.

I have no reason to be hostile to them in the process, even if it were to turn out that every endo ever was wrong.

don't you want to be that kind of person?

[star-girl69]

LMAOOO q-diddy x block button conjoined twins fr!!

also TY OMG i js watched and how does q manage to make kk uncomfy even when she's not in the live 💀

jokes aside, that must b rlly uncomfy/scary for kk n laila, hoping that they r able to process and keep themselves safe n healthy- im happy that kk didn't experience anything super harmful from her tho considering how obsessed q was w her

REAL ON THE AZZI LOVE-

im hoping that if q doesn't get kicked off the team for being a genuine pedo and js nasty person in general, then she'll at least get pressured into transferring out of uconn/leaving the college basketball scene in general cause there's no way she's being a positive addition to the team now that all this is coming out + ppl r (hopefully) coming out of injuries and returning back to the court

i know for a fact one of the girls (realistically probs paige) is gonna see it cause THEY SEE ALL THE EDITS AND COMMENTS and if kk and laila addressed it when they're not even on the same team as them then it's fs gonna happen

if she doesn't get booted from uconn i can assume that the crowd is not gonna b real kind to her since she basically dissed all of the girls (especially paige), and the fans????

but yeah i agree w the previous anon abt mariah posting the convo- i think it's important that she got her message out there but she should've js paraphrased instead of posting it- hopefully there won't b any huge repercussions for her but i think she should get off of live and try to spend some time w her gf/family + in therapy- this is definitely a super stressful situation for her and i think even tho ppl r supporting her its harmful to be in the public eye for super prolonged amts of time rn

xoxo, drama anon <3

i love kk laila and azzi ❤️❤️❤️❤️

no bc this is about to look SO bad for uconn so they might kick her off and just idk i just need her to have CONSEQUENCES OR ELSE ILL CRASH OUT

cant imagine what the uconn girls are gonna feel like when it all comes out 💔💔

yeah mariah definitely needs to get off of live and get some sleep she’s been through a lot these past few days and she really needs to take a step back

ok sorry ily i’m so tired i cant think idk what i’m saying but i agree w you 👍👍👍👍

[itsjaywalkers]

Hello Laurie! How are you? How are your holidays going?

I'm the same person who messaged you 2/3 months ago about the fic that I was writing and being scared to post it because it's not my native language. I was wondering how your writing goes, like how do you edit? What do you struggle with the most? I know you said it's not your native language either, and I just wanted to know what slows you down the most? Because for me personally it's grammar, structure of the sentences and its punctionation. I always wonder if my commas are in the right place and if I used right marks, obviously the placement of it differs in every language. And do you have any tips for me? ANYWAYS i'm so sorry this is such a long question bahahhaha, also I've read your new Bartylily fic and I love it. I'm on my knees for them, can't wait to see what you got in store for them. Hihi have a good day! <3

hi darling!! i'm okay, doing some writing!! and my holiday is going great <3 i've been at the beach all week, swimming and reading and eating delicious food. i missed my parents and my sisters like crazy, so it's been very fun to get to spend so much time with them <333

oh, yes!! i remember you!! i hope that fic is going well, and that you'll decide to post it someday. i feel like i already told u this, but i'm sure it's lovely, and if deep down u wanna share it, u should be able to do so, fear be damned (im aware it's not that easy but . u get what i mean)

and my editing process is . very boring and very long . i usually just write the whole chapter out, exactly how i have it planned in my mind, without stopping to check for mistakes, or letting myself get distracted by . a paragraph or a line i don't like, all that can be fixed during the actual editing. once it's done, i try to give it a day?? to let it breathe a lil. and then i reread it all!! i go scene by scene, and sometimes it means just fixing the grammar of some sentences and deleting a random line here and there, and other times it means deleting a whole conversation, or rewriting an entire scene bc it's not working how it's supposed to. editing can take me from a couple of hours to actual days, so it's not a process i really enjoy </3 writing can be a pain, but it's when i get to be messier and have fun and not worry about the end result. editing means polishing and rereading until you grow sick of the story. it's necessary but it's not my fav part of the process, that's for sure

i don't think i'm that bothered by grammar, but it's mostly bc this is just fanfiction and i kinda just . have fun with the language?? sometimes i'm aware i'm not structuring a sentence the Proper way but it looks more beautiful my way, and it sounds nicer, so why would i change it?? not a single one of my uni profs is gonna be reading it anyway. but as someone who isn't an english native speaker either, i totally get u, bc i used to be very insecure about this, and i still am a bit sometimes. i had this fear that ppl were gonna be able to tell english isnt my first language at a first glance. but so what if they do?? theres nothing wrong with that, and bc im bilingual, i speak and write in english in a manner native speakers cant replicate, bc i see and understand their language differently. and i think thats lovely!!!

the thing i struggle the most with is descriptions?? i feel like im not detailed or accurate enough, and like i lack a lot of vocabulary. i do my best to fix it during editing but it never quite works i fear.. i also write ridiculously long sentences, bc i use way too many commas when i should be using periods. and i think that my dialogues are pretty good, but at the same time im always . concerned about characters sounding real enough yk?? since, again, english isn't my first language

and i don't know about tips darling. i keep saying this, but i feel like i'm not the best person to ask about this At All, bc i'm not that knowledgeable, or talented, or skillful. i can tell you to remember that at the end of the day this is fanfiction, and we're supposed to be having fun and being self-indulgent. try not to worry so much about grammar and proper sentence structure or putting commas in the right place. bend the language until it sounds pretty enough for you and a sentence rolls off the tongue the right way. who cares if it's not Correct or Proper. it's not meant to!!! also, don't edit right away, let the story or the chapter breathe for a bit, otherwise you're gonna hate the whole thing and believe it's a Mess. it's usually not!! you just need a break and to put some healthy distance so u can edit more honestly, less unbiased

don't apologise!! my answer was even longer SIGH i hope some of this was at least a little helpful <3 and thank u so much!! more ppl than i thought are reading and enjoying the bartylily fic, and it fills me with joy <3 next ch is coming VERY soon and i can't wait

wishing u the best and sending u all my love MWAH <333

[sttoru]

to the 😶 anon i just wanted to say that you are so so strong for everything that you're going through and don't listen to the speech therapist !! ik they're technically qualified but a good therapist (speech or not) would never give up on their client or at the very least refer them to someone more qualified and trained.

i'm absolutely appalled and disgusted by their unprofessional behaviour, and please don't let them make you feel disheartened or like you'll never be able to speak again. i really and truly believe you can and you will no matter what, no one is beyond helping and that's the first thing we learn as psychologists/therapists.

trauma responses are incredibly tricky, especially ones like selective mutism. but if you haven't already i'd recommend seeing a psychotherapist alongside a new and better speech therapist. i'm not exactly sure how speech therapy works where you're based, but from what i know they're not specialised in dealing with the more psychological aspects of it, like with it being a result of trauma.

if you work to unpack the underlying cause of it first it could prove to be a lot more useful than just speech therapy alone. honestly from experience cbt does wonders and i'd highly recommend finding a good and qualified psychotherapist that specialises in ptsd/trauma responses. maybe put the speech therapy on pause for now and recuperate and when you're ready and comfortable look for a psychotherapist.

working at your own pace is so incredibly important and know that it doesn't matter how long you take, the road to recovery is a process that can't be rushed and a small improvement is still improvement!! even going back a couple steps is essential to progress and healing so please don't feel like it's not possible. it absolutely is and it's well within your reach.

i know i'm just a stranger on the internet but i really and truly believe you can do this and you've got this. i am so so proud of you for everything you've endured and i really hope that you report that speech therapist to their board or something. genuinely disgusting behaviour tbh i cannot believe it.

anyways i hope you feel better really soon and don't lose hope !! wishing you all the best forever and always <33

(also wishing you the best my lovely and i hope you're doing well too !! i hope you don't mind me sending such a long ask but as someone who's training to be a clinical psychologist (hopefully god willing) it genuinely fills me with such rage when i see rude therapists. you studied for so long and chose that occupation yourself how dare you treat clients/patients that way smh. anyways sending you all my love <33)

awwwww, its rlly nice of u to send such an encouraging message to the anon <3 you have a heart of gold 😽

i hope they read this and understand that what their previous therapist has said, was bullshit. finding a good therapist or psychologist, who’s certified to treat such cases, is so important and i hope they find that person. everyone deserves a chance for proper treatment !

thank you for speaking up and i bet its 100% appreciated ^_^ inshallah you’ll become the clinical psychologist you desire to be x and i’m sure you will bcs u r a sweetheart mwah

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

hey, kat. it is that anon.

i just came here to apologize for just ....yeah....how that all went down. i wrote that message in haste. i'm abc so when i saw your post my first thought was "wow kinda not cool of them to say that" but then i thought about how i would've posted the same thing if my relatives were fatshaming me. i agree with you that--especially in a predominantly white society--that we have every right to speak to our identities and cultures, including their unrealistic beauty standards.

i looked through your about-mes and couldn't find any mention of your identity, not that you have to disclose that tho. at the time, i tried to think "how can i tell this person that what they said is not ok if they are not-chinese, but that they have every right to (and i can relate) if they are?" and obviously i did a poor job conveying that. i was weighing the possibility that you were white and saying something racist against the possibility that you were also chinese and you had the right to say that.

didn't want to come off anon because we're moots who just haven't really talked much and i don't want to get off on the wrong foot because i was hoping to become friends eventually. i'm not sure if i can salvage things, so if you want me to just unfollow that's fine.

once again very sorry for my miscommunications. like i said, i was feeling kinda fiery as i thought about the possibility of that post coming from a white person. i hope my apology can bring you some peace. wholeheartedly, i hope you are okay and im sorry once again.

(editing bc I was too stoned to see the part about you being abc alskdkfjfg)

honestly, i think the main thing was that this could have been avoided if you had dm'd me. i'm a *tad* less agitated about it now because i've had time to process and took some anxiety meds.

and thank you for taking the time to clarify. i appreciate it. and again, i get it. you were trying to watch out for a marginalized group. communicating through text is difficult.

tldr;

- you don't have to salvage anything - me explaining the white savior complex a bit more, although I appreciate you clarifying about being abc (so am I!) - although i'm still not okay with the original ask i do appreciate you reaching out again and taking the time to clarify - i'm sorry for being so hostile about it /gen - if you do want to chat feel free to dm (whether about this or hornyposting - i'm stoned af rn lmao and am chilling, esp now that you've taken the time to clarify/reach out)

i wouldn't worry about salvaging anything because it doesnt need to be. you taking the time to type this out already says the world about your position and intentions as more genuine and, honestly

most people don't know. my main gripe was the feeling that someone was trying to come in and shut my voice down. with the invalidation that i have dealt with personally, but also as a community that is constantly having our voice stomped on, the comment about feeling the right to say it was what set me off.

I'm sorry I just kinda assumed you were white (guess we were in the same boat there lmao), but a huge thing that irks me in general (not isolated to this obvs), is that a lot of the people that do these types of callouts are usually someone with multiple dominant identities, and rarely the identity of the group they're trying to protect. and this is a huge problem in the social work field especially because the dominant group is *constantly* speaking FOR the marginalized group, regardless of its what they want or not.

anyway, i'm glad you reached out. i'm still not okay with the ask, but you bringing clarity to it does make it a bit easier to deal with. if you want to come off anon and dm me, i'd be glad to talk and chat, even if it's about this (or levi ackerman's cock idrc)

with anons, comes an extra layer of unease, animosity, and uncertainty, so the potential for miscommunication is very high. but again, the fact that you came out, clarified, despite technically not even needing to because i never would've figured out who you were anyway, says much more about your intentions and authenticity (positive) more than anything else could have

sorry i was so hostile in my responses. this is clearly something i've had to tell people off about. my offer still stands, if you want to dm, please feel free (i'm nice once you get to know me i swear LMAO) to