#i say that a lot but its really bc i have to process messages like this

[xbadnews-a]

tonight i've been almost entirely unavailable ooc! I've been painting & drawing & listening to cr. i just haven't been in the right headspace to be talking to people so I've stayed mostly to myself <3

[snapscube]

hey penny!! i hope you're doing good :] not sure if you're looking for any feedback right now for midnight snap so if this message is unwarranted then no hard feelings at all <3 maybe it's just me and tbh it's hard for me to tell bc it's probably subjective, but as someone who's particularly sensitive to sound it sometimes feels like your voice gets lost in certain game music in your videos. i've listened both on mobile and on desktop and i think it's worse on desktop, more comfortable on mobile (for some reason). like, i find myself straining to hear you and pretty often i need to pause to take breaks because i get easily overstimulated. it's definitely not sfx that get me, just background music you know??? i especially noticed it in your freddi fish video around the start of the second game, but it's in other videos too like when you played animal crossing. it isn't too bad though tbh, still overall a super cozy series and i'm grateful you're still doing it!! if everything stays the same, i'll still watch it. i'd really love to know what you think and if you can confirm if anyone else has said something like this, i wonder if there's any merit to what i'm saying cause i just wanna help ^^;

i appreciate the feedback! i'll admit i'm still definitely trying to nail down the sound mixing of Midnight Snap. there's a LOT that goes into it between recording environment, VST setups for my live microphone effects, post-processing effects when it makes it to the actual edit timeline, etc. also admittedly this is a genre of content i'm still relatively new to making (never dabbled in asmr or anything) and though it's easy to put out a super long video normally and have people say its good for sleeping as a fun side effect, actually trying to make something FROM THE GROUND UP for relaxation comes with a lot of consideration i'm still not quite specialized in yet haha, especially with how long the breaks have been up to now. none of this is meant to handwave ur issues btw im taking everything into account here, just wanted to explain why its somewhat in flux right now!

my approach for the last few episodes of the show has been to heavily compress the dynamics of the audio, which might contribute to what ur dealing with here. although at the end of the day there's not much i can do to anticipate literally every individual user's listening conditions cause there's gonna be sooo much variance there. i can definitely try to put more focus on maybe separating the heaviest frequences of the voice track vs the game track though. as it stands i tend to cut back on the high frequencies a lot in both cases cause i personally just find higher frequencies a lot more distracting and harsh and to me what ends up sounding soothing is a very smooth and rumbly kind of profile. but of course audio mixing is all about balance so i'll see how i can maybe dial that in a little more distinctly! hopefully as i continue to standardize what editing software i use for the show as well as how it's recorded i can do more to brush out any remaining issues in the sound design :) thanks again!

[strqyr]

Also do you ever think about the legal processes of the Academies? Bc i do. All the damn time. "The Academies let students die or get injured all the time and get away with it!" Where??? Did we forget the safety measures put everywhere to prevent that from happening?? Did we miss the fact that there's an entire process where if something DOES go wrong (either during a training mission or even outside of the Academy), those in charge (i.e. Ozpin) have to make sure what happened doesn't happen again (like interviewing the students) otherwise they can get in real trouble and held responsible?? Or the fact that there's no legal waiver prior to joining the Academies, so it's safe to assume you can sue them if something does happen?

Oh wait, these are all easily missable details held in side books or are subtle and easy to pass over while watching the show (like Ozpin lying, saying the students WILL die and that they won't intervene, vs the cameras all around the Emerald Forest and Glynda suggesting they intervene bc of Jaune iirc. Shocking, the liar lied /sar). I guess I can't blame people for missing these things bc most ppl aren't nearly as autistic as I am about this show.

Oh also, like,, when talking about the Academies supposedly being really dangerous and letting students die. If this were a real issue I feel like it would've been addressed by now? Cinder absolutely would've brought it up in v3 (it'd be ooc for her NOT to), and while Hazel's story revolved around Gretchens death, it's not painted as a common issue that's happened to a lot of people (which would've been an interesting plot, if they went that way), just that Gretchen's death was highly unusual and a tragic accident (based on how it was handled). Like. It happens but it's absolutely not common!! And it's surprising it doesn't happen MORE considering the world RWBY takes place in (magical Australia with magical Florida men. Hell of a place. Wdym you have giant desert crabs more dangerous than Grimm and a desert hot enough to turn sweat to steam and wdym Remnant humans are able to just. Casually shrug this shit off?? This deserves its own post it's actually insane).

Just. Gestures vaguely. It's something I think about all the time and it drives me bonkers when people get this stuff wrong. I think it stems from the belief that Ozpin is bad and he made the Academies so the Academies must be cartoonishly corrupt even when it makes no sense, not for the world or the characters involved (seriously, Oz would NEVER allow students to regularly die on his watch, based on how guilty and responsible he felt over Gretchen's death). I just. Aughugghdg gnawing on drywall.

Sorry for rambling about fictional laws in your inbox, it might happen again

tbh i think this is a perfect example how much simple words—no matter how truthful or not—take higher precedence in peoples' minds than anything else, no matter how much proof there is against the very same words. and if that proof also requires you to stop and think about it rather than just having plain words delivered to your eyes or ears, well. . .

it's a lot easier and quicker to directly quote ozpin than it is to pile all the proof that proves otherwise—especially when that proof is hidden in side material, which not everyone has access to in the same capacity as the show itself. if the show had had something like, either ozpin or glynda sending a message to some unnamed hunters to be on the stand-by during the initiation, or even something as simple as on a later date showcasing the cameras used during the initiation also having a taser that can be used against grimm, that'd already make a huge difference.

but when all you've got is "do not hesitate to destroy everything in your path... or you will die." and "you will be monitored and graded through the duration of your initiation, but our instructors will not intervene." it's like. well. what can you do lol.

and like it wouldn't make any sense for them to not intervene and just let new students die on their first day like. the world presumably needs hunters and it's not very good practice if you allow those willing to learn and train to become one to die before they even get properly started. like i feel like any headmaster who was losing even just one first-year student every year during initiation would get kicked out pretty quickly. i mean, who would actually accept that? even as a civilian i'd be like, hey, those people want to actually do the pretty important job, why aren't you keeping them alive while at school so they can actually do that, ya know?

it's one thing to accept the fact that hunters die during a job; it's another thing to find it acceptable when they're still in school training, and to treat the latter as a norm is the same as treating the populace of remnant as idiots with no regard to human lives.

but there's definitely bias at play, too. while i am of the mind that the academies—or more like the system they're part of—needs changing ( namely the whole "the combat schools start training kids at age 13" part ), there's definitely some of that "character bad so their every action is bad, too" mentality running around too.

which i'm not too surprised about. i've seen it a lot with people criticizing ironwood's actions like. . . ya can't really say that ironwood having two seats at atlas council is bad while also saying that he was wrong to report everything directly to the rest of vale's council and not just ozpin, just bc it got ozpin into a hot water. like that just doesn't compute, and i feel like the same applies to a lot of discussion around ozpin and the academies, as well.

sure, there are things to criticize about ozpin's methods—like yeah sending scouts first is smart, but those scouts being first-year students who shouldn't be in that area in the first place bc special treatment for secret war reasons and stuff? not that smart, send pros pls—, but that doesn't mean you need to throw the baby away with the bath water.

i hope this makes any sense lmao i feel like i lost the plot multiple times writing this and trying to get back on track 😭

[northwindow]

hey julia !! hope ur doing well... am asking u [instead of messaging!] this bc i imagine u might say some rly cool stuff that other ppl would love to see also lol... but i just wondered if u had any basic tips or resources about like developing a (short-term) writing routine? the context is not fiction writing but like academic but i feel like my academic writing is a creative practice so yeah, hope that makes sense! hope its okay to ask ! have a lovely day <3

hi anna marie! you ask the very question i need answered for myself… i am in a very slow place creatively so i feel silly to be giving advice! but i’ve been thinking about how to get things flowing again. very basic but helpful to me:

getting feedback from other people at a regular interval - i am very shy and this can feel like pulling teeth but it’s so worth it, i am always amazed how much it pushes me to finish things i would have otherwise languished on forever

reading a lot (of course) - it helps me to read a bit directly before starting to write. but also being intentional about it and having a defined list of inspiring works… i recently listened to david naimon interview joanna hedva and he asked them which writers were “squatting over” their latest book which i thought was a good way of putting it! i would like to curate a "squatters shelf" to dip into for inspiration on whatever project i'm working on

distinguishing between writing vs. editing time - this is hard for me because i am a very "edit as you go" type person but sometimes it's stifling! in another interview with tommy pico i heard him talk about his writing routine as very everything-goes, yes-and, accumulation-focused style on monday-thursday and then friday is reserved for finding what was good and refining it. i have always wanted to try this!

incorporating a degree of controlled randomness into the routine - whether it be randomizing where you physically work, what part of the project you work on, or brainstorming new ideas, i really enjoy drawing an option "out of a hat" (i hope that makes sense) at some stage of the writing process. i know i am going to be surprised and challenged by a guiding force even in a small way and want to see what’s going to happen.

something that has helped me a lot with routine in general is “habit stacking” i.e. trying to bundle a new task into something you already do regularly - i have not thought about how to do this with writing, but i have successfully bundled reading into drinking my morning coffee every day and it has changed my life significantly

also: i really like that you specified a short-term routine! i think temporary routines keep things interesting, help mark time, and more fully immerse me in things, so academia might be onto something with semesters etc… i am curious about trying to have a self-imposed writing “season” followed by an “off season” where i chill and eat peaches and watch the sopranos every night or whatever without guilt. (one might say i am chilling right now lol… but it’s definitely guilty chilling!) i also love that you see your academic project as a creative pursuit, i hope you are having a really fruitful time so far! ❤️

[according2thelore]

wait i have more to say. i saw someone else say that youre their favorite wincest writer and i just need to raise my hand and say ME TOO!!!!

i only VERY recently admitted to my best friend that i ship them and when i was reading house song i was going NUTS and i NEEDED to talk about it. so i ended up sending my friend a 10 minute long voice message going through the plot and how beautifully written it is and how its fucking me up!!!!!! im going crazy and shaking dean just SHOT HIS DAD!!!!!!!!! AND IT WAS BELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!! and my friend was like holy fuck that fic sounds crazy but in a good way and they dont ship it but i think they at least get it now lmfao because wow.

and deans guilt over the life he has given sam. an orphan living on a mattress with no money and just his fucked up older brother. goddamn. i want to hug dean. and sam thinking the worst that dean left him like dad. but then ultimately realizing there is literally NOTHING dean wouldnt do to reach him. its just so cathartic and OH THE FLASHBACK TO BABY SAM. ‘no boo boos?’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME? and then then the parallel because sam is covered in blood again and it ISNT HIS. NO BOO BOOS!!!!!!! but he is so so so hurt oh my goddddd

im sorry im so feral about you i just dont have the magical talent with words that you do. like deans admission and saying that the word falls out of his mouth like a dead body hits the ground????? how can i even attempt to match your beautiful fucking mind. ugh. i wont recover from this. your an inspiration for real. okay i will leave you alone now thank you for the brain worms

HELLO!!

GUH the hits keep COMING!!!!!!

i am giggling and kicking my feet that you explained my fic to a FRIEND HOLY SHIT!!!!! oh to hear this voice message lol <3

i had to read this ask series out loud to charlotte, who was also giggling and kicking her feet on my behalf.

i am so glad you found it believable! that was one of the biggest struggles for me, and i liked the boys' characterization in this one, so i'm so sososo happy that you did too!!!!!

i've never done this before, but i thought since you like it, you might find the planning process interesting! i don't do outlines for all of my fics, just the really hefty ones (the heaven fic, this one, and a few others), and i've found this helps me a lot! you can see some things that i've cut or changed. charlotte and i usually plan these out over face time, lol, and she was mostly asleep through this entire planning one (in her defense, she had been working all day). i hope you find it interesting!

i hope you don't think less of me now that you know i wrote that they "boink" 🙏 it was like two in the morning. also handwriting reveal? omg?

anon, i've said it before but i'll say it again--THANK YOU SO MUCH🥺🥺🥺🥺 uno reverse card as well bc folks like you encourage/inspire authors to keep writing!

i always love hearing which parts folks like best, and this fed me for months to come!!!!!!

and please feel welcome to come back and scream with me about these two any time the mood hits you, lol!

-lizzy BELIEVE IT OR NOT BECAUSE ANON IS TRYING TO MELT ME this is 2/3!!!!!!

(house song, the fic in question for anyone curious!)

[itsmarsss]

me reading the chapter actuauly

ogm omfgdsjg; d i cant this is so much blitzo constantly thinking of readers words and them lingering in his mind omg i need them to make up i cannot stand this wht he hell he think that no one will be there to cross out the o but i guarantee reader with her saggy ass and titties (as an old lady) would cross the rings to do so

him hating the weekend sfngdg i canot your depictions of him feel so in character it makes me think you are a writer for the show i cannot believe that this fic is literally changing my life (for the better) ofmfks

SEEING THAT TEY TEXTED CONSISTENLY AND IT MADE HIM NOT HATE WEEKENDS AS MUCHDSG and they made it a habit to spend the weeksends together to hate them less i cannot stnat this omsg my heart

"Maybe it’ll be in one of those days when he’ll be climbing up Stolas’ balcony and then he’ll slip and fall and break all his bones only to be found dead on the grass surrounded by ball gags and anal plugs" this took me out SO BAD lmfao i just stared at my screen like

BUT THEN IMEDDIENYL HAD TO TURN AWAY BC OF THE "PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT FOLDER"

mars when i actch you mars i will fnaf jumpscare you irl this is not it. BABRIE AND HIS MOM WHAT IF I BROKE DOWN??? THEN YOU FOLLOW IT UP WITH "blitz is a 35year old single father who kills people...But in this moment… he just wants his mama." LIKE??? HOW DARE YOU ???? THAT IS SUCH A SORE SPOT BC I FEEL LIKE CRYING EVERYTIME I HEAR AB OLD POPEL MISSING THEIR PARENTS AND IT SLIKE FUGHG crying as i think ab it actually whi cant stand this

then his thought process the whole party omg he literally just wanted an escape to not feel. i cant do this anymore him asking loona to call him dad i crided

then when they leave he pulls out his phone to draw and i jsut sdjfdg i died

NOW FOR THE CONVO WITH STOLAS?? UFHH you probably grabbed it from the many ss of their messages that are shown but still omg his immediate backtracking made me want to pull my hair out bc no thats not how you talk UGHHH

then him asking loona if she would be there when he is old and she is like "ill be there dad" i cant i fucking hate this show why would they do that to me (then he vomits)

literally me after reading blitz portion

FIZZ FIDNING READER OGM he must've felt bad bc he was liek "fuckk that was the chick with blitz and stolas oph shit fuck cock"

reader having no one other than ozzie (in that moment) to go to ufhg (get this woman some friends) and their whole convo what if i

her asking ozzie if he thinks she stupid bc blitz words are echoing in her mind just as much as hers did in his omg i need them to kiss and make up please someone grow communcation skills FUCKING

stolas message with her is so late i cant stand this i think i wills start fcrying again

also her expecting a "fuck you" message from blitz only to get something that made her feel better mars stop this

this is madness when i get you i am shaking you really hard LMFAO

anyways those are my thoughts plz tell my u times this bc idk how long this took

this is the most in-depth comment anyone's ever sent me for my writing and i actually wanna cry

every time you talk about how invested in this you are and how much you love it i feel like crying djmdjmvjfk its just like i cant believe someone would care enough to leave me THIS this is so cool and so fucking nice!!

the thing about how he used to hate weekends because it meant he'd be alone and how he stopped hating them once reader came into his life came from a little blurb thingy i never ended up posting, and i felt it fit right into this chapter!

i liked writing this one a lot because the chaos in blitzos head allowed me to be all over the place and cover a lot of different stuff at once lol it was pretty cool

whenever anyone says something abt my writing being really in character it makes me feel so proud i just get so happy that it feels like ya know im taking these characters people care so much for that they're reading fanfiction about them and writing them from my perception and its so cool to have people feel like im doing them justice!!

the death with the sex toys part was a... choice lmao i thought it'd be funny to use the way blitzo's thoughts are all over the place to convey how easily they go from dumb thoughts to really depressive ones

oh the asking loona to call him dad again was added just to hurt yall i wont make excuses its there to be evil lol

yeah the convo w stolas was mostly taken out of the texts we see in stolas' phone in western energy, but i altered a few things here and there but yeah omfg what always got me with those texts is exactly that. like hes so so desperate to have things be okay he backtracks everything he's trying to say just to not feel that blitz is mad at him

i thought i could also add the layer of blitzo beeing too drunk to reply properly which is another reason for the texts to seem so cold

and ohhh yeah the thing with fizz finding her is that its both a 'fuck what i did hurt this girl' and also that kind of 'idk what to do rn' feeling of interacting with your partner's friends who you're not close enough to to have like a real conversation with lol

yeahhh im glad it was possible to catch that lol the chapter was v blitzo centered so we go through reader's pov of things very wuickly but yeah what blitz said abt her kept echoing in her mind just as much as what she said to him did in his!!

i thought the whole 'expecting a fuck you' thing would be fun to add in considering he does consider sending her a fuck you text in the beginning of the chapter lol

and seriously i think having the doodle there instead of just a description of it made it all so much more motional thank you so so much for it!!! i hope you liked the birthday gift!!!! happy birthday babes!!!!!

[brookeginko]

8, 27, 29 for the writer ask thingy :3 this message will violently explode your inbox.

YASSSS THANK UUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY TO GET THIS ASKKKKK :))))))

8: if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

OOOO OKAY!!!! So ignoring the several fics i have that are incomplete (</3) id say this one! This was my really short fake relationship Akimina fic I wrote on Reload launch day mostly to take a break from the game so I didn’t go crazy JAKFKKAK. I’d say I’d want to write a sequel to it just because its so short and I think there’s a lot of potential, but I don’t think I would because I think there are more compelling ways I could approach a fake dating fic as someone who loves writing them. And for fandoms outside of Persona, probably this one :) This is a longass Wordgirl (yeah. the show for five year olds. leave me alone.) fic I wrote for some. reason. but I did actually have an AU in mind for a continuation of it that I never really got far in. 

27: your favorite part of the writing process

OOH OKAY HM. I’m not gonna say posting bc that seems like a cop-out so I’m gonna go ahead and say dialogue :3! It’s so fun for me to write, especially during serious conversations and silly moments. Sometimes a conversation will flow so well I have to set my phone down and scream for a second it makes me so happy AJOFKWKD I actually used to struggle with making my fics a little too dialogue-heavy just because I liked writing dialogue a lot more than prose just because its so fun for me

29: how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

ah. well. I don’t even know how to answer this because truthfully it takes me about four seconds. I am wayyyy too impatient to not post a fic because I can’t think of a title HAIDKJA so I just give it whatever name I first thing of. Some of my longer fics have more thought out titles because I have more time to think about them (midnight skies & pale gray eyes because both of those things were recurring motifs in the fic + rhymes are epic and between the sun and the far side of the moon because it fits with akimina and the tone of the fic + its a lyric from a song i performed for example) but my shorter one shots will usually just have lyrics from songs as their titles. Actually about 80% of my P3 fics have their title as a lyric from a P3 song which is. A little embarrassing WJDIKAK

THANK U AGAIN FOR THE ASK BAGEL ILY

[slaughtergutz]

Yeah, I really didn't like the way the Fishman Island arc was handled either. The royals do nothing and it's framed as if everyone should just stop being mad at humans even when they have legitimate reasons.

Like hody was a bad villain, but alot of it comes down to oda writing him like a completely one dimensional evil dude. And sometimes doing so clashes really badly with other stuff we're shown.

I get so mad when hody says that humans did nothing to him to earn his hate and its presented as true--that his hate is empty and unreasonable. Even though we see that in flashbacks as a small kid he grew up under constant threat of being kidnapped or killed by humans and adults in his district were killing themselves to take out slave markets. But somehow that's nothing and empty? What because he wasn't personally a slave or killed by a human?

I mean it would be interesting if it was shown that he only says that because he doesn't want to look weak, like humans could traumatized him or hurt people he cared about because they're supior but it's not framed that way. It's just like yeah, he's just being crazy and hateful for 0 reason.

And the prince is like, yeah, we should have worked on ourselves. We were wrong for being mad that humans attacked and enslaved us. Hates not the way--we should just stop being upset. Even though we see no evidence that humans have changed since we still need our home protected by a human pirate so we don't all get killed and shipped off as slaves like before.

Like I'm happy we got more arlong, but dang the message in the arc was handled badly.

yeah the arc in general was rushed af. I think it's probably one of the shortest we've gotten since like, the east blue.

I do kinda like Hody as someone whose never personally been victimized by humans (most probably avoided the Fishman District by the time Arlong was an adult, he was taking care of a lot of em during that time I imagine), bc there really are people who just like to cause havoc in the name of an ideal but not having any real meaning and just wanting violence for violence sakes. In that way I think Hody is fine, but jfc, yeah to everything else.

Also the other two brothers are so fucking annoying. Ah yes let's make sure Shirahoshi is never allowed to feel sad ever, so she can grow up to be an adult unable to process her emotions properly. What could possibly go wrong?

[seasidewanderers]

https://www.tumblr.com/seasidewanderers/758499500245565441/btw-when-i-see-anti-endos-get-like-1-5-notes-even?source=share

being educated about disorders is not 'dying out' and its not mean to follow science. most people with CDDs that aren't terminally online are not in support of endos bc nobody in real life cares! it is not mean to not like misinformation! for you to be so heavily backing anti-scientific rhetoric as someone with DID is unfortunate to see! I hope you can change and grow as a person and educate yourself!

(this post)

I think you just read the first paragraph, maybe, and then just assumed I was talking about whatever?

as kids these days say: I didn't fucking say that. please point me to where I said it's "mean to follow science/correct misinformation" so I can go back and correct it, or where I implied it, or used any work-around phrasing of it. I am willing to correct myself if I spread misinformation!

second. endogenic plurals just existing, across a range of centuries more so, using the language that was and is available for them at any time, are not harming you or me. they're just kind of there, you know. they're not spreading misinformation just by being there.

and I know someone reading this will get it twisted, syscourse be like that sometimes. I'm not saying that endos can't ever spread misinformation.

seriously you've gotta work on the black and white thinking, and you really, really, have to work on the inferring words and meanings other than what it's being said. I get it alright, I do it all the time. but I'm learning to accept that most of the time people don't think of any message that could be in between the lines before saying something.

I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. nothing more, nothing less

anyway. rant about the post done! thank you for caring about me and how I'm doing, and wishing me growth. I am growing in fact. I've learned a lot since I started being in syscourse, what... 4? 5? years ago? and I've changed, so so much, as one does even without DID...

in fact, I've become less pro endo over the years. when I started I would just support everything in the name of inclusion, and I've surely hurt a few people in that, and it's awful. then I joined syscourse spaces that specifically are against misinformation no matter the "side" you're on, and it's one of the few choices I can be proud of.

I would tag these people just to let them know how much they've meant to me over the course of the years but... hey, you know who you are.

still. I don't support endos "because who cares, everything is good to go always, they do and have done no harm at any point"

I support endos because they know their brains better than I or you do, because they're entitled to know what's going on in their brains if they want to find out, and they deserve a space to analyse it, and find community meanwhile because we as a species are social creatures and need each other, all at their own pace.

and if they find they've been wrong - about being plural, or about being endo, or whatever - they deserve a space to rethink that, too at their own pace. I just support endos because I don't think them as "the endos", I think about them as people, each with their own experience as people are, and they deserve a space for their thoughts and internal processes, and it's unkind to force them into something they don't want.

I have no reason to be hostile to them in the process, even if it were to turn out that every endo ever was wrong.

don't you want to be that kind of person?

[star-girl69]

LMAOOO q-diddy x block button conjoined twins fr!!

also TY OMG i js watched and how does q manage to make kk uncomfy even when she's not in the live 💀

jokes aside, that must b rlly uncomfy/scary for kk n laila, hoping that they r able to process and keep themselves safe n healthy- im happy that kk didn't experience anything super harmful from her tho considering how obsessed q was w her

REAL ON THE AZZI LOVE-

im hoping that if q doesn't get kicked off the team for being a genuine pedo and js nasty person in general, then she'll at least get pressured into transferring out of uconn/leaving the college basketball scene in general cause there's no way she's being a positive addition to the team now that all this is coming out + ppl r (hopefully) coming out of injuries and returning back to the court

i know for a fact one of the girls (realistically probs paige) is gonna see it cause THEY SEE ALL THE EDITS AND COMMENTS and if kk and laila addressed it when they're not even on the same team as them then it's fs gonna happen

if she doesn't get booted from uconn i can assume that the crowd is not gonna b real kind to her since she basically dissed all of the girls (especially paige), and the fans????

but yeah i agree w the previous anon abt mariah posting the convo- i think it's important that she got her message out there but she should've js paraphrased instead of posting it- hopefully there won't b any huge repercussions for her but i think she should get off of live and try to spend some time w her gf/family + in therapy- this is definitely a super stressful situation for her and i think even tho ppl r supporting her its harmful to be in the public eye for super prolonged amts of time rn

xoxo, drama anon <3

i love kk laila and azzi ❤️❤️❤️❤️

no bc this is about to look SO bad for uconn so they might kick her off and just idk i just need her to have CONSEQUENCES OR ELSE ILL CRASH OUT

cant imagine what the uconn girls are gonna feel like when it all comes out 💔💔

yeah mariah definitely needs to get off of live and get some sleep she’s been through a lot these past few days and she really needs to take a step back

ok sorry ily i’m so tired i cant think idk what i’m saying but i agree w you 👍👍👍👍

[itsjaywalkers]

Hello Laurie! How are you? How are your holidays going?

I'm the same person who messaged you 2/3 months ago about the fic that I was writing and being scared to post it because it's not my native language. I was wondering how your writing goes, like how do you edit? What do you struggle with the most? I know you said it's not your native language either, and I just wanted to know what slows you down the most? Because for me personally it's grammar, structure of the sentences and its punctionation. I always wonder if my commas are in the right place and if I used right marks, obviously the placement of it differs in every language. And do you have any tips for me? ANYWAYS i'm so sorry this is such a long question bahahhaha, also I've read your new Bartylily fic and I love it. I'm on my knees for them, can't wait to see what you got in store for them. Hihi have a good day! <3

hi darling!! i'm okay, doing some writing!! and my holiday is going great <3 i've been at the beach all week, swimming and reading and eating delicious food. i missed my parents and my sisters like crazy, so it's been very fun to get to spend so much time with them <333

oh, yes!! i remember you!! i hope that fic is going well, and that you'll decide to post it someday. i feel like i already told u this, but i'm sure it's lovely, and if deep down u wanna share it, u should be able to do so, fear be damned (im aware it's not that easy but . u get what i mean)

and my editing process is . very boring and very long . i usually just write the whole chapter out, exactly how i have it planned in my mind, without stopping to check for mistakes, or letting myself get distracted by . a paragraph or a line i don't like, all that can be fixed during the actual editing. once it's done, i try to give it a day?? to let it breathe a lil. and then i reread it all!! i go scene by scene, and sometimes it means just fixing the grammar of some sentences and deleting a random line here and there, and other times it means deleting a whole conversation, or rewriting an entire scene bc it's not working how it's supposed to. editing can take me from a couple of hours to actual days, so it's not a process i really enjoy </3 writing can be a pain, but it's when i get to be messier and have fun and not worry about the end result. editing means polishing and rereading until you grow sick of the story. it's necessary but it's not my fav part of the process, that's for sure

i don't think i'm that bothered by grammar, but it's mostly bc this is just fanfiction and i kinda just . have fun with the language?? sometimes i'm aware i'm not structuring a sentence the Proper way but it looks more beautiful my way, and it sounds nicer, so why would i change it?? not a single one of my uni profs is gonna be reading it anyway. but as someone who isn't an english native speaker either, i totally get u, bc i used to be very insecure about this, and i still am a bit sometimes. i had this fear that ppl were gonna be able to tell english isnt my first language at a first glance. but so what if they do?? theres nothing wrong with that, and bc im bilingual, i speak and write in english in a manner native speakers cant replicate, bc i see and understand their language differently. and i think thats lovely!!!

the thing i struggle the most with is descriptions?? i feel like im not detailed or accurate enough, and like i lack a lot of vocabulary. i do my best to fix it during editing but it never quite works i fear.. i also write ridiculously long sentences, bc i use way too many commas when i should be using periods. and i think that my dialogues are pretty good, but at the same time im always . concerned about characters sounding real enough yk?? since, again, english isn't my first language

and i don't know about tips darling. i keep saying this, but i feel like i'm not the best person to ask about this At All, bc i'm not that knowledgeable, or talented, or skillful. i can tell you to remember that at the end of the day this is fanfiction, and we're supposed to be having fun and being self-indulgent. try not to worry so much about grammar and proper sentence structure or putting commas in the right place. bend the language until it sounds pretty enough for you and a sentence rolls off the tongue the right way. who cares if it's not Correct or Proper. it's not meant to!!! also, don't edit right away, let the story or the chapter breathe for a bit, otherwise you're gonna hate the whole thing and believe it's a Mess. it's usually not!! you just need a break and to put some healthy distance so u can edit more honestly, less unbiased

don't apologise!! my answer was even longer SIGH i hope some of this was at least a little helpful <3 and thank u so much!! more ppl than i thought are reading and enjoying the bartylily fic, and it fills me with joy <3 next ch is coming VERY soon and i can't wait

wishing u the best and sending u all my love MWAH <333

[sttoru]

to the 😶 anon i just wanted to say that you are so so strong for everything that you're going through and don't listen to the speech therapist !! ik they're technically qualified but a good therapist (speech or not) would never give up on their client or at the very least refer them to someone more qualified and trained.

i'm absolutely appalled and disgusted by their unprofessional behaviour, and please don't let them make you feel disheartened or like you'll never be able to speak again. i really and truly believe you can and you will no matter what, no one is beyond helping and that's the first thing we learn as psychologists/therapists.

trauma responses are incredibly tricky, especially ones like selective mutism. but if you haven't already i'd recommend seeing a psychotherapist alongside a new and better speech therapist. i'm not exactly sure how speech therapy works where you're based, but from what i know they're not specialised in dealing with the more psychological aspects of it, like with it being a result of trauma.

if you work to unpack the underlying cause of it first it could prove to be a lot more useful than just speech therapy alone. honestly from experience cbt does wonders and i'd highly recommend finding a good and qualified psychotherapist that specialises in ptsd/trauma responses. maybe put the speech therapy on pause for now and recuperate and when you're ready and comfortable look for a psychotherapist.

working at your own pace is so incredibly important and know that it doesn't matter how long you take, the road to recovery is a process that can't be rushed and a small improvement is still improvement!! even going back a couple steps is essential to progress and healing so please don't feel like it's not possible. it absolutely is and it's well within your reach.

i know i'm just a stranger on the internet but i really and truly believe you can do this and you've got this. i am so so proud of you for everything you've endured and i really hope that you report that speech therapist to their board or something. genuinely disgusting behaviour tbh i cannot believe it.

anyways i hope you feel better really soon and don't lose hope !! wishing you all the best forever and always <33

(also wishing you the best my lovely and i hope you're doing well too !! i hope you don't mind me sending such a long ask but as someone who's training to be a clinical psychologist (hopefully god willing) it genuinely fills me with such rage when i see rude therapists. you studied for so long and chose that occupation yourself how dare you treat clients/patients that way smh. anyways sending you all my love <33)

awwwww, its rlly nice of u to send such an encouraging message to the anon <3 you have a heart of gold 😽

i hope they read this and understand that what their previous therapist has said, was bullshit. finding a good therapist or psychologist, who’s certified to treat such cases, is so important and i hope they find that person. everyone deserves a chance for proper treatment !

thank you for speaking up and i bet its 100% appreciated ^_^ inshallah you’ll become the clinical psychologist you desire to be x and i’m sure you will bcs u r a sweetheart mwah

[aspd-culture]

Do you have books/movies recommendation that represents aspd well fiction or nonfiction?

Hhhhh I was waiting for this question to come one day. The answer is lowkey v v disappointing.

Because... no, not really. I've got like three, two of which do what I consider a fairly good job, and one that rides the fence of being a lil "oh great, the ASPD character likes blood and guts and death".

Sorry this is so long-winded tldr Ender's Game (book only), House, MD if you can handle some not ok 2000's comedy, and Wednesday if you never get into the fandom.

In order of, in my opinion, best to least best (they're all still p good):

I tried to make these spoiler free but it's hard while explaining good vs bad rep. I would recommend going into Ender's Game blind without reading what I wrote about it and coming back to this post after. I would read the warning attached to the other two.

Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card (The book not the movie, oh my gosh, not the movie) - Peak ASPD right here. When I was a kid with ASPD, this is the only book I ever related to and I randomly picked it bc it was the third name on the mandatory summer reading list and 3 is my OCD's favorite number. It rarely lets me down, and in this case, brought me a seriously well-done look at ASPD done, possibly entirely without meaning to. Orson Scott Card, as far as I'm aware, set out to write a book about trauma and the way that different types of trauma shapes the mind in early childhood, and preschool aged children engaging in active military training is... woof. It's a lot when something that you relate to so much is a depiction of a war-era dystopia. There are definitely parts that still push the stigma, and a lot of what makes Ender "good" is the sympathy and compassion and "purity" he shows, so be ready for that. That said, this also shows how a kid can still fit the definition of a loving, innocent child even while actively engaging in violence. It's a bit preachy with its message, but it is a damn good book. I will openly admit I have never gotten around to reading the sequels purely bc they were not in my school libraries. I wonder if Libby has them... *takes mental note*. There are also questions about if Ender's siblings possibly have cluster b disorders themselves. I have seen theories that both Peter and Valentine have NPD, and a more controversial theory that Valentine has NPD while Peter has BPD and the book just happens to focus on demonizing him (as a character to make a point about him and Valentine, not because of the disorder) so it doesn't emphasize the non-splitting behavior. Just, do yourself a favor and don't read into psych articles about Ender's Game. They make a big deal out of Ender being a good character because he is "saved" by his empathy and just... idk the book is written from his POV and I don't see much empathy there. I see compassion. I see cognitive empathy. I do not see affective empathy besides with a couple Exceptions.

House, MD - the profile pic is for a reason. More than House, MD is a show about doctors or medicine, it is a show about House's struggle with his mental health. We watch him slowly get through the process of recognizing, adapting to, and working on his symptoms throughout the show. It honestly helped me before I even realized I had ASPD to improve my relationships with people by learning from his mistakes.

House is (minor spoiler) canonically diagnosed with "Antisocial traits" around season 6 I believe, but he experiences them the entire time. He is written as a character who I believe was supposed to have ASPD. If not, he is one of the most accurate accidents turned canon I have ever seen. That said, this show does not shy away from the negative aspects of ASPD. Many people say horrible things about House throughout the series, many of them he does not bother to argue with or deny. It is... really emotional for me sometimes to see how they speak to and about him and how he handles that. It's really good, but does have one very triggering episode about a "true sociopath" and House's struggles with relating to her also around Season 5 or 6. It's one I wouldn't skip if you're watching this for ASPD reasons, but House *does* try and separate himself from a "true sociopath" so be ready for some stigma. Also please note that this show is from around 2004. Lots of flip phones, ha ha ha, but also lots of excess stigma on things, somewhat homophobic and transphobic jokes, etc. Although, it is worth noting that it is a symptom of House's ASPD to make these jokes - he expects that they know he is not serious because of his tone and doesn't, due to lack of empathy, understand that these jokes are hurtful even when people know you don't believe what you're joking about to be true. He builds his team around making sure they can handle that part of him, which is a pretty decent thing to do, in my opinion, even though the right thing to do would be to change the behavior. But yeah, shitty early 2000's humor incoming with this show. I still 100% feel it is worth the watch, but I am white and thus have the privilege of feeling comfortable while watching it. Black people especially may be really (understandably) unable to feel comfortable watching this because the person that House worries is most similar to him and thus most threatening to his position is Foreman, who is a Black man, and thus many of House's "it's ok because he knows I don't believe it" jokes are targetting Foreman and many times they are racist jokes. He in no way solely targets Foreman, but that is there and it is extremely frequent. When you meet people named Taub and Thirteen, Jewish and fellow LGBT people will join the club in being potentially seriously uncomfortable with these jokes. I could handle watching it, ymmv.

The third and somewhat problematic lil sister, Wednesday (2022) - Hear me out, it is so good, imo, but I cannot interact with the fandom on this one and it loses serious points because of that. The reason that I can't? The entire fandom has decided that Wednesday Addams, a long-time rare ASPD coded girl, is autistic and "through the lens of Tim Burton" vs acknowledging that she is ASPD coded. Everything that can be an autistic trait, many have cherry-picked as proof she is autistic, and they openly choose to ignore a major step in diagnosis, making sure that the symptoms are not better described elsewhere. I will concede she may be autistic (although tbh I don't think so bc of her serious lack of stimming, - and no the SINGLE DANCE SCENE AT A SCHOOL DANCE doesn't count - lack of meltdowns, and affinity for sitting perfectly still don't read autistic imo), but she has ASPD. A literal therapist talks to her about "the source of (her) antisocial traits" and because she is a child, that is the closest thing to a diagnosis of ASPD she can be given. The girl is loudly ASPD coded just like the character Wednesday Addams always has been.

Further, there is a point to be made about the ASPD coded character being given her own show for it to turn out to be a m*rder mystery as well as her obsession with everything dark, broody, bloody, and macabre. Admittedly, in The Addams Family, that's everyone in her family not just the ASPD coded one but in Wednesday, she is the only character who likes those things so it's a bit ick in that regard. Still, I relate a lot to her and always have and people used to try n bully me in school by calling me Wednesday but my mom showed me it and said I reminded her of Wednesday as a compliment when I was little and I always took it as one after that even when I knew they meant it in a mean way.

Unfortunately, ASPD, unlike many disorders, is not underrepresented in media. It is overrepresented in the worst ways possible. Every other book or movie I can find is full of stereotypes, mean-spirited commentary, and m*rder. There might be something to be said about a character from It's Always Sunny, but that show is a major trigger for me so I haven't been able to watch it to tell, and Lisa from Girl, Interrupted (book or movie) is just... painfully bad but well-loved rep. Like, I love her, but holy crap girlfriend, how did you manage to add stigma in a book and movie about destigmatizing mental health?

The fact that even counting bad but well-loved representation I can still count all of it on one hand sucks, and if anyone has more I am begging you to share in replies.

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

hey, kat. it is that anon.

i just came here to apologize for just ....yeah....how that all went down. i wrote that message in haste. i'm abc so when i saw your post my first thought was "wow kinda not cool of them to say that" but then i thought about how i would've posted the same thing if my relatives were fatshaming me. i agree with you that--especially in a predominantly white society--that we have every right to speak to our identities and cultures, including their unrealistic beauty standards.

i looked through your about-mes and couldn't find any mention of your identity, not that you have to disclose that tho. at the time, i tried to think "how can i tell this person that what they said is not ok if they are not-chinese, but that they have every right to (and i can relate) if they are?" and obviously i did a poor job conveying that. i was weighing the possibility that you were white and saying something racist against the possibility that you were also chinese and you had the right to say that.

didn't want to come off anon because we're moots who just haven't really talked much and i don't want to get off on the wrong foot because i was hoping to become friends eventually. i'm not sure if i can salvage things, so if you want me to just unfollow that's fine.

once again very sorry for my miscommunications. like i said, i was feeling kinda fiery as i thought about the possibility of that post coming from a white person. i hope my apology can bring you some peace. wholeheartedly, i hope you are okay and im sorry once again.

(editing bc I was too stoned to see the part about you being abc alskdkfjfg)

honestly, i think the main thing was that this could have been avoided if you had dm'd me. i'm a *tad* less agitated about it now because i've had time to process and took some anxiety meds.

and thank you for taking the time to clarify. i appreciate it. and again, i get it. you were trying to watch out for a marginalized group. communicating through text is difficult.

tldr;

- you don't have to salvage anything - me explaining the white savior complex a bit more, although I appreciate you clarifying about being abc (so am I!) - although i'm still not okay with the original ask i do appreciate you reaching out again and taking the time to clarify - i'm sorry for being so hostile about it /gen - if you do want to chat feel free to dm (whether about this or hornyposting - i'm stoned af rn lmao and am chilling, esp now that you've taken the time to clarify/reach out)

i wouldn't worry about salvaging anything because it doesnt need to be. you taking the time to type this out already says the world about your position and intentions as more genuine and, honestly

most people don't know. my main gripe was the feeling that someone was trying to come in and shut my voice down. with the invalidation that i have dealt with personally, but also as a community that is constantly having our voice stomped on, the comment about feeling the right to say it was what set me off.

I'm sorry I just kinda assumed you were white (guess we were in the same boat there lmao), but a huge thing that irks me in general (not isolated to this obvs), is that a lot of the people that do these types of callouts are usually someone with multiple dominant identities, and rarely the identity of the group they're trying to protect. and this is a huge problem in the social work field especially because the dominant group is *constantly* speaking FOR the marginalized group, regardless of its what they want or not.

anyway, i'm glad you reached out. i'm still not okay with the ask, but you bringing clarity to it does make it a bit easier to deal with. if you want to come off anon and dm me, i'd be glad to talk and chat, even if it's about this (or levi ackerman's cock idrc)

with anons, comes an extra layer of unease, animosity, and uncertainty, so the potential for miscommunication is very high. but again, the fact that you came out, clarified, despite technically not even needing to because i never would've figured out who you were anyway, says much more about your intentions and authenticity (positive) more than anything else could have

sorry i was so hostile in my responses. this is clearly something i've had to tell people off about. my offer still stands, if you want to dm, please feel free (i'm nice once you get to know me i swear LMAO) to

[rin-and-jade]

Helloo!!! <3 I hope this message finds you well and that you'll have a wonderful day/ evening :)

So. First of all I am really grateful for your blog because I managed to understand some things about my problems.. also I should say first that im only suspecting I might have did or osdd 1b and im trying not to exaggerate about this self diagnosing thing and taking it slow (its almost a year since then and I think this diagnose describes exactly my struggles) but anyways. im pretty sure I have cptsd! so it might be just ptsd...

But I wanted to ask you bc I just dont know who else to ask this: are there any particular techniques to minimize trauma regarding learning or studying? (like I was receiving physical beatings for fucking years.. because I couldn't concentrate while trying to study- sorry for the unnecesary details) im really trying my best and sometimes I try to speak to the little of our system about the whole process of studying and how its not going to hurt her, that mistaking is very normal and from mistakes we will gather experience and that our abuser cannot do us harm anymore, so on and so on. It works mostly but she's not the only one who has problems regarding this specific trauma so its a lot harder to keep up with everyone wlse who might be triggered. I can't always hear them responding to me or giving me any sign of anknowledgment when trying to explain what is happening but the hardest part is concentrating and not feeling extremely tired... it goes without saying that this is very frustrating. And its been already two years since I tried my best to study. I just always seem to fall in the same pit..

I hope it makes sense what i've written here and if you dont have any advice then its totally fine!!!

P.S. this is not my native language. sorry :'D

Im so sorry that you’re having a really hard time around the aspect of studying, it makes me happy that you’re still kicking and trying,, asking help from me is totally fine even if you’ll need it multiple times, im gladly creating answers that could work for people and you.

I had gave a thought, we can do a few things like having exposure therapy (the technique), having a study buddy, and for the concentration such as using a different learning media, breaking it smaller with breaks each, and using more techniques for this too.

Regarding about study difficulty:

Exposure: this is a repeated process where your brain is given something it used to find as dangerous from the past and be stuck on a flight or fight response whenever it appears again. Be repetitively exposing what it fears, the brain always expects a bad outcome, and the thing is to ride it through until it knows it’s a false alarm and go “oh wait its not happening” until the initial stress from it is gone, this can be done by yourself (because i did). This is best done in a calm environment where you will attempt this, and call quits if its overwhelming for the first few tries,, but never drop it forever.

Study buddy: this is a great way to deal with it when studying alone feels too tedious to do. Studying together is helpful as your brain can re-associate what studying is actually like, you can do this with your current friends, it can be done physically or you can do it by online too.

For better concentration:

Media: studying about a topic that is presented in a video with visual representation keeps your eyes wondering less, since more elements are in there rather than reading a textbook, where it’s easy to drift off when words feel too much.

Breaks: studying in a prolonged time also defeats the motivation and focus, I personally study for test as i play (literally), in intervals. I review the necessary subjects in parts, rehearse, play, go back and revise what i remember and the previous one too,, rinse and repeat until i can remember the whole topic that needs to be memorized for the test. But this can be applied for regular learning where it’s just done in consistent intervals.

Others:

Destressing, it helps remove unnecessary clutter that’s taking space in your mind interfering focus.

Music, adding a background noise while studying may help some people and especially who needs sensory stimulation to focus properly.

Rewards, having a goal to reach to will make you easier to focus, and when you reach it (say 5 minutes of reading then want to watch a reel) your brain loves it. Then do it again.

I hope this can help you, this took a while to write everything so i don’t know what else haven’t got listed (because I can’t remember all at once) but nonetheless, try them, i insist!

- j

[thatbitchsimone]

(Trigger warning for anyone struggling with their relationship with food!!!)

I know this probably isn’t the best place to ask this question, but I don’t know where else to go to get an honest opinion and I’ve read your replies to a lot of messages and they’re really insightful and honest!

Do you have any advice on how to deal with weight gain in recovery from a ed? I’m struggling to find reassurance that’s it’s okay and normal and a good thing. I want to keep going in my recovery but I’m finding it really hard the further I go.

i cant fully grasp that dread anorexics feel about gaining weight since once again i havent experienced it but i can however ofc relate to the uncomfortableness u feel when ur body goes thru changes so thats the perspective im kinda gonna use here

the way ur body looks in the process/beginning of gaining weight isnt really the way ur body is gonna look once the weight has been stabilized and ur body has kinda ”settled down”. like ur gonna get bloated. ur gonna have water retention. theres gonna be puffiness. but thats not how ur gonna look forever like ur body is just trying to get accustomed to ur new intake and lifestyle. ur body has probably been deprived from A LOT during ur ed and thats gonna play into the way it first reacts to and handles the increase in food and weight as well. ur also not used to it yet. like ur brain needs to catch up. the goal of weight gain in recovery is also not to go from underweight to overweight. like ur not gonna get actually fat. the goal is to get u to normal weight. rn that may look fat to u but thats ur disordered brain distorting things like ur very blinded by ur disorder when it comes to whats normal and whats not like ur brain isnt even fully functioning rn bc its starved. idk what else to say like its gonna be hard but u just gotta ride it out. its like quitting smoking or drugs. u gotta ride out the withdrawal period like thats the first and hardest obstacle and then it will kinda even out and u will get some confidence out of the fact that u got thru the first trial like ur gonna be like yeah i did that i could do that like ur gonna feel strong and proud and thats whats gonna motivate u even further. overcoming hardships builds ur confidence more than anything and thats the sort of confidence that goes above and beyond the superficial like ur gonna gain this new appreciation for urself and ur body that is way more solid and real then just ur body looking a certain way or whatever like ur gonna start gaining true confidence. ur gonna be happier. focus on that like focus on the end goal here dont let temporary feelings and thoughts stop u from evolving. u already know this is what u want. ur gonna feel like shit sometimes but thats part of it like thats what recovery is u are recovering from bad shit and its a messy and sometimes terrifying exhausting road but u stay on that road. maybe u will stop and sit down at a bench on the sidewalk just to recharge and get a bit of a break but then u get up and keep walking again like u know u can do it and i know u can do it too