#i say meme outfit that image existed for like a year or two before someone decided they wanted to see peoples OCs in it

[oct2pus]

Marina Pyrius in a meme outfit.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 299: No Chains Left

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “and then AFO broke out all of the inmates from six other prisons and took a nap. well anyways, here’s the hospital angst.” Kacchan woke up two days later and was all, “WAIT BUT HOW ARE DEKU AND TODOROKI AND ALL OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS EXCEPT IIDA DOING” and then we cut to Shouto’s room where the other U.A. kids were sitting around being Mutually Traumatized and giving each other moral support and such. Everyone was alll, “...”, and then the rest of the Todofam showed up, INCLUDING POSSIBLY REI?! which, omg. The chapter ended with Kacchan STOMPING THROUGH THE HALLS all “WHADDYA MEAN DEKU HASN’T WOKEN UP YET”, dragging along Satou and Mineta behind him, fueled by the power of ALL OF THE FUCKS HE NOW GIVES. He gives so many fucks now you guys. This boy cares so much he can probably deduct it on his taxes.

Today on BnHA: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO GIVE A LOT OF FUCKS, the story cuts abruptly to Hawks, freshly recovering from his near-death experience, and pondering the threads that have weaved the tapestry of his life and led him to this moment. Basically he grew up in poverty with his Jerk Dad and Jerk Mom until his dad got arrested one day and his mom sent him off to go Find Money Or Something, and so he rescued a busload of people and found himself a new career. Back in the present day, Hawks and Jeanist ride around town in Jeanist’s Jamborghini having awkward encounters with civilians in a country on the brink of social collapse, and visiting Hawks’s mother’s home. Hawks is all “I know from an outsider’s perspective it must look like my life currently sucks, but now that the HPSC is gone, my public image is shot, and my parents are finally out of my life, I’m actually feeling SURPRISINGLY GOOD.” Anyway so he’s gonna go meet up with Endeavor now, and p.s. this chapter was fucking fantastic though, damn.

oh my god?? is this Hawks narration?? something about him growing up watching the heroes on TV and thinking of them as fictional characters

okay I scrolled down a little bit more to see the rest of that “Keigo” panel, and wow

this is basically a shed. poor boy definitely grew up rough. let me tell you guys, I came in here ready for some BakuDeku shenanigans; I was not prepared for Hawks Flashback Angst. I AM HERE FOR IT, but also wow I gotta brace myself now lol

HELLO MISTER HAWKS’S JERK DAD, SIR

BnHA sure does have an array of Jerk Dads, doesn’t it. makes me appreciate characters like Masaru and JirouDad all the more for bucking the trend

anyway. so Horikoshi, you really thought that one itty bitty chapter of hospital catharsis would be enough to calm us all before you went right back to showing us child abuse huh. my god man can we rest

BABY HAWKS

swear to god this kid can’t be more than five or six, and yet he has this completely blank look on his face even with his dad looming over him being all threatening and shit. like he’s shut down his emotions to protect himself. imagine what has to happen to a child for him to have learned this at such a young age. fuck

AND MEANWHILE THIS GUY

don’t mingle with humans?? not “other” humans, just humans?? what is this implying here?? and also holy shit Hawks definitely didn’t inherit his looks from his dad orz

then again he doesn’t really bear much of a resemblance to his strung-out mom here either

omg omg omg. and this child is basically trapped here in this environment with these two people. this explains a SHITLOAD about Hawks’s personality though you guys. his ability to completely separate his real thoughts from the face he presents to the outside world. his pragmatic approach to analyzing and solving problems. his layers of emotional walls. turns out almost none of that came from the HPSC training -- that was all learned hands-on in his own personal do-or-die survival nightmare childhood!! oh, boy

and small wonder then that he latched on to Endeavor so strongly if he really is the one who brought down his dad and inadvertently saved him from this. also, just putting this out there, I know people are always talking about him and Dabi being foils, and I think it’s very interesting how Touya grew up in a household where he saw firsthand the dark side of hero society, and so ended up becoming a villain in order to bring it down. whereas young Keigo had almost the exact opposite experience, growing up experiencing the dark side of villain society and becoming a hero in order to bring about a world where no one else has to experience that. just. both of them are so determined not to become their fathers. some interesting parallels there

so Hawks was sort of an accident after his parents had “thanks for helping me not get caught after I killed that guy” sex, and now this little boy is growing up in squalor and being beaten by his father for things like Sitting In The Wrong Out-Of-The-Way Corner Trying Not To Be A Bother To Anybody. holy fuck. this is so rough to read through you guys

wait so does Jerk Dad have a an eyeball manipulation quirk?? because he doesn’t have the wings like his son, but wth are these things??

this presumably also means that Keigo has never been to school or anything either. he basically doesn’t exist. he thinks heroes are fictional characters, he doesn’t realize that they’re real people. these are people who could help him if he could escape and find them, but he doesn’t know, and they don’t know about him

OH MY GOD HE’S JUST SITTING IN HIS CORNER HUGGLING HIS ENDEAVOR PLUSH OH MY GOD

how could this child possibly have an anti-fandom when he’s done NOTHING WRONG HIS ENTIRE LIFE. huh. just explain that to me. lol I mean I’m not looking to pick a fight with anyone, but also, MAYBE I AM, idk?? this kid has gotten me all riled up lmao

anyways, Protect Keigo 2021, and thank you Horikoshi for these three very terrible pages. I am pleased to inform you that you’ve effectively gotten your point across and you may now commence saving this kid already

YAY

oh no, Keigo’s dumbass jerk dad tried to steal a car and the popo nabbed his ass and now his mom can’t just sit around neglecting her VERY YOUNG SON all day long, oh horrors. sorry lady my tiny violin is on backorder. just imagine that I’m playing a very sarcastic song on it for you

anyway so what are you gonna do now, abandon him? I can hardly imagine he’d be worse off, if anything it might be a near-instant improvement

LMAO HE’S ALL “WAIT WHAT ENDEAVOR’S A REAL FUCKING DUDE?!”

AND THEY SAY THAT A HERO CAN SAVE US~~~~ I’M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND WAAAAAIT~~~~~ I’LL HOLD ONTO THE WINGS OF THE EAGLES, WATCH AS WE ALL FLY AWAAAAAAY~~~~

lol what a randomly pivotal moment in his young life. TIME TO GO MAKE THESE MEMES INTO DREAMS YOUNG ONE

anyway so his mom freaked out and grabbed him and they wound up at a train station with her TELLING HIM TO GO GET HER SOME MONEY, oh my god. SURE MOM LEMME JUST WALTZ RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE “JOBS FOR FIVE-YEAR-OLDS” STORE AND TELL THEM I NEED SOME CASH. ffff manifesting someone to come help him in 3... 2...

...

SIGH, JUST GO RESCUE THE PEOPLE FROM THE BUS, KEIGO. is this the outfit he was wearing when that happened?? it must be, right?? I can’t imagine them surviving more than a couple days out here unless this starts getting REALLY dark in a way I know that even Horikoshi won’t explore, so yeah. cut to the HPSC now please. never thought we’d be glad to see them. I mean sure, it may be an “out of the frying pan...” case, but good god

THANK YOU!!

and I guess it was his mom’s eyeball quirk then. anyway, whatever, see you again never, hopefully. lol oh man. thaaaat, was upsetting. need to center myself here for a sec. NAMASTE

OH YAY THE PRESENT

so we cut from Baby Hawks Angst straight to Present Day Hawks Angst, huh. not that this exhausted and traumatized lil lad isn’t still a baby to me too, I’ll have you know

BEST JEANIST, ALWAYS WITH THE JOKES

“WHEW, THOUGHT YOU DIED ON ME FOR A SEC THERE KID.” lmao. Caleb will no doubt ruin this by making his word choice all stiffly formal as usual, so I’m just going to treasure this “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M FRESH OUT OF FUCKS” version of Jeanist while I can

look at him, driving his Jeanistmobile

again, is it any wonder Kacchan was bitching about Endeavor’s dinky little car when he was used to riding around town in style like this. anyone else staring at this panel trying to figure out how this car is somehow secretly made of jeans

NOOOOO

FUCK YOU DABI LMAO. PUTTING THESE VOICE ACTORS OUT OF A JOB ONE BY ONE

anyway so Jeanist is all “GOOD THING IT’S THE FUTURE AND WE’RE SO GOOD AT MEDICAL SCIENCE” to handwave how Hawks went from one step shy of being a very handsome corpse, to sitting around texting Jeanist in a car all of two days later

OH MY GOD, AND FINALLY AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS

wait a minute. I’m so confused lmfao. soooo, was Hawks all “anyway, here’s Jeanist’s dead body, you can examine it but please don’t look at him too closely and also I’m gonna need that back unharmed.” how tf did you pull that off lmao

(ETA: also isn’t this technically confirmation of the ol’ Noumu Jeanist theory lol. I’m gonna go ahead and say it is.)

NO BUT PLEASE, CONTINUE. I unironically love reading Horikoshi’s overly convoluted “SEE IT’S NOT A PLOT HOLE” explanations

lkldslfk so wait, you’re telling me Hawks convinced Dabi and the League to put Jeanist’s body in storage, and basically just hoped they wouldn’t use him for any experiments until he could put his plan into action and have the HPSC’s people break in and find and revive him?? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG. A FOOLPROOF PLAN IF I’VE EVER HEARD ONE

fff this man really asked Jeanist to risk it all to prop up his little cover story, and Jeanist was all “sure why not” omfg. anyways, thanks for recapping all of this out loud for no particular reason in your car conversation you two

LMAO NOW WHAT

TROUBLE YOU SAY? GOOD THING THE NEW NUMBER ONE HERO IS ON THE JOB THEN

okay no it’s just some random thugs strolling around terrorizing the downtown. fuck ‘em. so Jeanist is making short work of them now

uh oh

won’t come? not can’t, but won’t?? what???

WOW

well I guess that makes the local heroes A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS now doesn’t it?? jesus

and okay, serious question, if the cops are spread too thin and the heroes have literally walked out on the job, what exactly is stopping everyone from deciding to use their quirks to defend themselves, legal or not? nothing, as far as I can tell. society just got a hell of a lot more chaotic

anyway so this is an interesting panel here

man, Dabi really did pull it off, didn’t he. well anyway so here’s that better world all of the villains were wanting, you guys! isn’t it so great?? everyone’s terrified and angry and losing hope and society is inches away from collapsing into total anarchy! but hey, at least we exposed the number one hero as a hypocrite

anyway so what are these guys up to

fucking hell, he’s visiting his mom. I really wasn’t prepared to commit this much emotional energy towards reading this chapter today. BUT VERY WELL, WE PRESS ON

?? wait she’s not there?

is this supposed to explain how Dabi knew who Hawks really was? except that there’s the little matter of how he even know where to find his mother in the first place. feels like we’re still missing something there, but oh well

OH MY GOD

RHA I TAKE BACK EVERY WORD I EVER SPOKE AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A SCANLATION GROUP FILLED WITH ANGELS LMAO. I WILL TAKE THIS PANEL IN MY HANDS, AND TREASURE IT AND KEEP IT SAFE

ANYWAY, BECAUSE MY TIRED BIRD SON’S LIFE SUCKED SO MUCH ALREADY, IT TURNS OUT HE’S ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH THIS NEW TURN OF EVENTS LOL HOW ABOUT THAT

GOOD FOR YOU BBY. YOU GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR OWN PERSON

and in all seriousness, I love that identity he chooses -- chooses, because it actually is him making a choice now, possibly for the very first time in his life -- is “guy who helps people”, though. it really is nothing short of miraculous that he held on to that kind of optimism and desire to do good even with everything he’s been through. there were so many times he could have chosen to turn his back on the world in retaliation for the way it treated him. but he didn’t!! and here he is now, finally free, and what he wants to do with the rest of his life now is simply to help others. anyway please excuse me for a moment, I need to go find some sort of basket or a big vase to put all of my fresh new Hawks Feels in, pardonne-moi

YEAH BOIIIIII

“FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, MISTER JEANIST, WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUSELF THAT SWEETASS CAR.” hey, all I’m saying is if this boy’s wings really aren’t growing back, he’s gonna need to find himself a new means of transportation y’know?

oh my god you guys it’s a flashback to his mom buying him the Endeavor plushie when he was like two because, and I quote, ALL MIGHT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE

oh my god oh my god. my boy out here with a new lease on life finding hope in the darkest of times

wasn’t your throat supposed to be all fucked up lmao. Horikoshi was suddenly all “oh shit the VAs are gonna be pissed at me if I keep this up huh”

“that’s why Bubaigawara was such a great guy” motherfucker IT IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR RAIN. FORECAST SAID NOTHING ABOUT THIS

:’)

yes ma’am. yes indeed. confirmed, I really will straight up fight some motherfuckers for this child. well not really, but YOU KEEP YOUR DISCOURSE OFF MY LAWN AND OUT OF MY BLOG YOU HEAR. THIS IS A HAWKS-FRIENDLY SPACE. WE RESPECT TAKAMI KEIGO IN THESE STREETS

and he’s saying (or is he thinking?? what a weirdly shaped speech bubble this is) that even if what Dabi said about the Todoroki household is true, “I’m not sure it’s the same now.” which happens to be ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. man this whole chapter really is all about saying “fuck the past” and moving forward and I am living for it

SON!!!!

“the first step is at my beginning” fklkjlk. what an iconic fucking line??

AND HIS WINGS!!!! THEY ACTUALLY ARE GROWING BACK AHHHHHHH. “PUT A RAINCHECK ON THAT CAR, JEANIST-SAN.” THE HAWKSMOBILE CAN WAIT, RIGHT NOW HE HAS TO GO INSERT HIMSELF BACK INTO THE TODODRAMA WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

you guys. I came here ready for some BAKUDEKU HOSPITAL ANGST, and I got DIDDLY SHIT of that, and none of my other kids were even in this chapter, but!!! ASK ME IF I CARE LMAO omg. because bird son is hanging with his new best friend, and he’s out here Finding Himself and picking up the pieces and putting them back together stronger than ever because RESILIENCE HAS A NAME, AND IT’S SPELLED H-A-W-K-S, and you guys. profound, my love for this child. holy shit. hey google, play Silence by Marshmello

[hamueltobin]

behold! i didn't see any otgw icebergs, so i made my own :)

if you think i should add something, lmk!!

Explanations under cut :)

First layer:

▪︎Beast!Wirt au - very popular au in which Wirt stays in the Unknown, possessed by the Beast to some extent.

▪︎Bad End Friends - Crossover AU of Beast!Wirt teaming up with Ice Finn from Adventure Time and Bipper from Gravity Falls; sometimes other 'bad end' au characters are thrown in such as a glitched Gumball from TAWOG

▪︎Irl Copies of the For Sara tape - Limited copies of the For Sara tape were sold at two points. They have yet to sell for a third time. (🤞🤞🤞)

▪︎Tome of the Unknown (pilot) - The Pilot of the series. Can be watched on YouTube.

▪︎Wirt Staying in the Unknown - In a scrapped ending, Wirt was to stay in the Unknown, saying that facing your real problems was scarier than staying there.

▪︎Mystery Kids - Crossover AU with other child-late teens aged characters from sources based on mysterious and supernatural themes such as Gravity Falls and Psychonauts.

▪︎Quincy Endicott's grave - Quincy's grave can be seen in the graveyard that Sara and the others are hanging out in.

▪︎Original Beatrice Voice Actress - Beatrice had a different VA in the pilot, Natasha Leggero. Melanie Lynskey voices her in the actual series.

▪︎The Woodsman's Daughter is Named Anna - The comics have several issues focused on his daughter, in which her name is revealed to be Anna.

▪︎Jason Funderburker's Ax Murderer Story - At the gathering in the graveyard, Funderburker is telling a story about a man with an ax; this story is believed to have influenced the existence of the Woodsman.

▪︎Full Versions of Songs in the OST - A handful of the songs are cut down for their appearances in the series and can only be heard in full on the OST. The most notable example is Old Black Train , which is actually 2 minutes and 15 seconds long, but is only in the series for about 15-20 seconds.

Second Layer:

▪︎Sara is named after the Fleetwood Mac song - Listen to it here :) it is notable that it includes lyrics about "drowning in a sea of love" and that Sara is "the poet of [the singer's] heart."

▪︎OTGW Reanimated - a reanimated project for the first episode. Got taken off of YouTube, but can be viewed on Dailymotion.

▪︎Baby Wirt Audio - In the For Sara cassette, there is a small section of audio that can be heard in about the middle of the recording of Wirt's father talking to him as a baby.

▪︎Funderburker/Funderberker - The two Jasons's surnames are spelled slightly differently to avoid confusion.

▪︎The Brothers Never Ate or Needed to Rest - Although Greg expressed being hungry, neither of the boys actually ate anything (outside of one spoonful of bland potatoes and inedible items such as dirt and leaves) and never laid down to rest, only sleeping when night came.

▪︎Book on Interior Design in Wirt's Room - In Wirt's from, a book on interior design can be seen laying on the floor, backing up the knowledge he displayed when analyzing the interconnected mansions.

▪︎Mad Love was Based on a Dream - The plot of Mad Love came from a dream that Pat McHale had about house hunting. In the dream, while exploring one of the houses being shown, he ended up wandering into someone else's home.

▪︎Beatriceoftheday - A blog dedicated to our lord and savior Beatrice, known for its strange shitposts and intense praise of the titular bird girl.

▪︎Wirt is Jealous of Greg's Popularity - Shown in the Circus Friends issue of the comics, Wirt is jealous of Greg's ability to make everyone laugh and have fun. This may factor into his dislike of his brother.

▪︎Greg was Feeding Fred at the Tavern - At first watching, one may be confused as to where all the food Greg was gathering went, why Fred was wearing lipstick and why he was refusing to talk to Beatrice. Shown in a deleted scene, this all explained, as Fred tells Beatrice that he didn't talk to her because Greg was feeding him.

▪︎Elijah Wood Voiced the Crazy Driver - Exactly what is says on the tin, the nutty driver was voiced by Wood.

▪︎Cloud City is Heaven - A popular theory that Cloud City actually represents Heaven.

▪︎Greg is Greg Universe - A headcanon/theory that has mostly died out that Greg is the same Greg in Steven Universe.

▪︎Bee Beatrice - Beatrice was originally cursed to become a bee, but was changed into a bluebird to match better with the seasonal autumn theme.

▪︎Pat McHale Voiced Wirt's Voice Crack - Wirt's voice crack when asking the Beast Are You? was actually done by McHale, not Wood.

▪︎The Other Actors Harassing Elijah Wood When Singing Wirt's Song - In order to make the performance as awkward as possible, the other actors were asked to yell and demand Wirt to sing. This can be heard in the episode.

▪︎Come Wayward Souls Has the Same Melody as O Holy Night - The song shares a cadence with "O Holy Night", and can be sung to its tune.

▪︎Black Turtles Origin/Purpose - No one knows why the black turtles exist, and McHale has said that they're just one of the unexplainable things of the Unknown.

▪︎Anna Never Left the House - In the aforementioned comics, it is shown that Anna had never left the house, living on her own until the Woodsman's return.

▪︎Sailor Suit Greg - Greg originally wore a sailor suit, but was changed later on to his current, Johnny Appleseed inspired outfit .

▪︎Beatrice Missing Being Able to Flip People Off - In the Art Book, Beatrice's introduction states that one of the reasons she hates being a bird is because she no longer has hands to flip people off with.

Third Layer

▪︎Jason Funderberker is Visually Based on a Teen Pat McHale - As seen here, Funderberker was designed after McHale.

▪︎Babes in the Wood is Based on an Old Alice in Wonderland Cartoon - You can view the original 1923 cartoon here! Starts at 4:25.

▪︎Wirt and Sara are Dipper and Mabel's Parents - A popular AU/hc where Dipper and Mabel of Gravity Falls are the future kids of Wirt and Sara.

▪︎The Tune of Wirt's Song is Improvised - In addition to the aforementioned harassment, in a further attempt to make the performance as awkward as possible, Elijah Wood was not given a tune to sing, only the lyrics.

▪︎Wirt's Costume Origin - As said in the art book and on his tumblr, Wirt's cone and cape come from an attempted rock and roll persona from McHale's teen years.

▪︎Greg is Based on Pat McHale's Son - It has been claimed that Greg is based on McHale's son, but Greg existed before him. The similarities are simply coincidental.

▪︎Old Scratch - The original name of the Beast.

▪︎The Beast Killed the Woodsman's Wife - Shown in the comics, The Woodsman's wife was mortally injured, with her attacker implied to be the Beast.

▪︎Wirt and Greg Staying in the Unknown Until Christmas - Another scrapped ending, in which the brothers stay in The Unknown until Christmas, with their absence unexplained.

▪︎Tome of the Unknown (original plot) - Early concepts had the Beast ( then known as Old Scratch as mentioned earlier ) scattering the pages of the titular book for the brothers to collect. Each page would come to life and the brothers would explore each story.

▪︎Dante's Inferno Comparisons - Check out these videos for full analysis!

▪︎Wirt Panty Shots - In the aforementioned Circus Friend comics, Wirt dons a dress as part of a disguise. Later on, he rips off the bottom half off, revealing that he is wearing bloomers.

▪︎The Beast's True Form was Inspired by Trypophobia - As stated in the art book, The Beast's hole-filled appearance was inspired by Trypophobia, the fear of many small holes.

▪︎The Fight is Over is About Drowning - Give the lyrics another read.

▪︎The Beast Last Minute Design Change - The Beast had a very different design, and it was changed into the current one at the last minute.

▪︎Gnome in Cloud City Representing Wirt - Many people believed that the Gnome with the lantern in cloud city was a parallel to Wirt, or a glimpse into his future. However, this was debunked.

▪︎Send Me a Peach - This song is included in the ost, but isn't in the actual series.

▪︎Fred and the Highwayman's Backstory - The comics expand upon the story of Fred the Horse and his involvement with the Highwayman.

Fourth Layer

▪︎Babes in the Wood Title Origin - The name of this episode comes from an old story of a pair of children getting lost in the woods, dying, and being buried in leaves by robins.

▪︎poorlydrawnotgw - This was a blog created during the poorly drawn series meme period. It consisted of poorly drawn and very strange shitposts and has since been deactivated. I was a part of it as mod Goopy Wirt and only have a handful of images saved from it.

▪︎Read and Listen Book Lost Audio - A read and listen book was created, with the book being read by Greg's Frog, who would stop every now and again to talk about being a frog. The pages can be found online, but the audio is currently lost.

▪︎Skinless Witch - A scrapped episode concept involved a skinless witch that kidnapped Greg and rode him like a horse.

▪︎Gentleman Burglar Wirt - A scrapped concept in which Wirt breaks into a woman's home, who is charmed by this young man who has come to visit her.

▪︎Animal Transformation - It was originally planned for Wirt and Greg to be turned into a bear/dog and a duck and remain that way for several episodes. This was later used in the comics.

▪︎The Unknown is influenced by Wirt's mind/interests - The Unknown is influenced by those who walk in it, in this case, Wirt. This includes the old timey mystical nature of it, as Wirt has been stated to have an interest in old folk tales.

▪︎Good Guy Beast/Black Train Scrapped Concept - In an earlier draft, the brothers were on a train, heading to what they assumed was death. They jump off, ending up in the Unknown. The Beast tries to get them back on the train, which turns out to be heading back to life.

▪︎Evil Woodsman - At one point, the Woodsman was intended to be under the influence of the Beast and tried to sabotage the brothers's attempts to return home.

▪︎Lorna Reading the Tome of the Unknown in the Epilogue - In the epilogue, Lorna can be seen reading the titular book from the aforementioned scrapped plot.

▪︎The Beast was Originally the Devil Himself - The Beast was first designed as a devil-like character, the aforementioned Old Scratch.

▪︎The Brothers Never Went Home/The Hospital is Part of The Unknown - a theory based on the fact that the edges of the screen are still blurred at the end of chapter 10, the rushed narration, and the lack of consequences of nearly drowning.

▪︎Beatrice Seeing Wirt Nude - In one of the comics, Beatrice accidentally sees Wirt while he is washing his clothes in the river.

▪︎Sara is a Descendant of Lorna - A theory that Sara is a distant relative of Lorna.

▪︎Exists in the Same Universe as Clarence and Home Movies - The most well known piece of evidence is the overhead shot of the town matching the town that Clarence is set in. Wirt and Greg also have a cameo in another episode, and one of the final episodes shows Brendon Small of Home Movies runs a movie rental store in the town, connecting all three series together.

Final Layer

▪︎Beast x Wirt - Also known as Poetree.

▪︎Candycone - Greg x Wirt.

[destiny-smasher]

DownRight Fierce Dev Update (9/2021)

Not sure if this is something folks here would want to see, but I'll share this update I shared with patrons for the original visual novel I've been working on, DownRight Fierce. It was conceived back in, like, 2014, but since just before the pandemic hit, I've been working on it as a visual novel. It's sort of like...if Street Fighter and Butterfly Soup had a kid? That was born before Butterfly Soup came out? And has been slacking off for a few years? There is a fully playable, mostly presentable demo of the prologue and first three chapters, feel free to contact me if you're interested in trying it out and providing feedback.

Thanks to the support I've received on Patreon lately, I've been able to commission more outfits for the main characters, new expressions, and was able to pay Hayley to re-organize the sprites so I have some more control over mixing and matching different things. We've also implemented a new pose for Nishiko's sprite when they're sending text messages (on their antiquated cell phone).

(all of the character art so far I have commissioned from my friend Hayley Sakura-Rose12)

I ended up deciding to have that sprite made when I implemented a whole text convo with Seiko near the end of Chapter 3. (or partway through the chapter, depending on what the reader chooses - OR they can even skip this conversation altogether, potentially)

The biggest updates to DRF lately have mostly been cosmetic: adding in more facial expressions and effects.

One example of this has been incorpating a more seamless and atmospheric effect for moments when Nishiko gets lost in thought.

There will be a recurring and increasingly important component tied to this, so I'm glad Jenny helped inspire me to pursue this kind of idea. You can also see here a version of Nishiko's sprite which has been visually updated with more texture, alternate color, etc., and that's something she intends to do with the other characters when time allows (she's been very busy for like, over a year now).

Fire and smoke are key visual symbols for Nishiko's character, so Jenny has been helping me figure out ways to express this more through the UI, etc.

(my wife Jenny has worked on the UI, giving it a more gritty look, and she's modified Nishiko's sprite in this image to give extra atmosphere to the character sprites; she also took a placeholder image and did work on it to showcase a potential art style for the backgrounds; we're considering something like this, though maybe including more color, perhaps intentionally depending on the setting)

But it's not just been visual stuff. I've also been adding in extra content, and incorporating more choices and elements that affect and are affected by the stats running in the background.

I've added in new short classroom scenes to help better illustrate Nishiko's experience inbetween social activities, while simultaneously using them to imply elements regarding Nishiko's attention span, as well as flesh out the lore of the world.

I've been a bit inspired by Tuca and Bertie in some weird ways, as well, trying to build lore within my own fighting game inspired world with references that double as, well, world building (like alluding to Street Fighter antagonist M. Bison via a political dictator who existed in this universe's history), including entire chunks of conversation that go in different branches based on weird Capcom humor that also serves to establish backstory.

Nishiko and Kayla bond over love of a dumb cheesy horror flick that's essentially one big meme featuring the 90's Street Fighter cartoon.  The drinks in the vending machines are all Capcom references, but serve as a means of letting the reader more manually increase a stat of their choosing - and since they're vending machines, they recur, so as the reader might get to know what each drink is, they might make a deliberate choice to increase a specific stat on purpose, in a similar way to choosing to exercise, or meditate, or study.

A convo about Nishiko's prior schoolyear incorporates Dark Stalkers references while also, again, letting the reader affect stats in a narratively retroactive way.

I've fleshed out conversations in Chapter 3 to have lots of dialogue most readers won't see in a single playthrough, as well as making more efforts to lean readers toward experiencing certain scenes or moments they might have missed earlier, while allowing the possibility of skipping or missing out on scenes entirely should they choose.

For example, the end of Chapter 3 is focused on Nishiko's relationship with Seiko. There is a text chat convo that can happen in one of two different parts of the chapter, and an in-person convo I'm currently working on (the last planned new content for the demo). Both can be experienced, or one or the other, or the can both be skipped. I don't want to make the entire social life something optional, but I do want to have there be parts like this where the reader can choose to skip interacting with a character if they truly don't want to, to help reinforce the idea that every interaction is, in a sense, a deliberate choice.

Even something like picking 'the BAD' choices is something I want to not just feel like, say, Undertale's infamous 'genocide run' but rather something that is an expression of anger at the world around the main character, which even has some specific benefits - because people don't just become jerks because they like to feel bad, but because it serves them in some beneficial way. As a slight example, if the reader pushes Nishiko to become aggressive, their 'Psycho' stat will increase, which can lead to them having even more aggressive choices later, which further increase that stat. But as that stat increase, Nishiko will become more physically perceptive to certain details about the world around them, but in material ways rather than social ways. For example, they might sense certain inklings of things that allude to later plot points earlier than someone who is more cooperative and might learn more social backstory elements. It's likely not going to be some huge, monumental difference, but it hopefully will make a second playthrough feel noticeably different and give the reader more insight into certain things.

The planned demo will feature the prologue and the first three chapters. By the end, all four main characters will be introduced, and the reader should get a pretty good idea through bits of writing and visual presentation that the choices they make won't change the primary narrative, but will affect certain details and aspects of how things play out. This is actually related to a big plot element itself that will become important later. But for now, it's been really fun adapting content I wrote over five years ago into this format, fleshing it out, and trying to work out ways to not only make that content function better in an interactive format, but also just how to lay more foundation and foreshadowing for what's to come.

While the visuals are still far from finalized even for this demo, I do have a private build uploaded for anyone genuinely interested, as I still haven't received much in the way of feedback so far. I'm planning on releasing a public demo to itchio later on when we can get the visuals to look more finalized.

[chemicalpink]

Take a Selfie, Fake a Life ♡ Park Jimin x Reader

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Genre: PURE fluff (like, really) and a pinch of angst  Word Count: 3.2k  Warnings: Jimin is a broken boy, parents divorce, bi Jimin (thats not a warning but he does kinda unintentionally come out and is afraid) Summary: Park Jimin is most probably the most popular guy on campus, top student, dancing extraordinaire, Instagram star, except there is no depth to his life at all. There is only so much a camera lens can capture. A/N: Hello. I didn’t intend on writing this as it came out. I have a severe case of writers block in the middle of a depressive episode but nevertheless I liked how it turned out. Please enjoy!

Everybody knows Park Jimin. Even if they don’t, everyone has heard of Park Jimin. That’s the first thing you come to learn in your first year in college.

Truth be told, you first encounter Jimin during some maths class when you were both fifteen. It wasn’t exactly your class, but the school had decided to hold an academic competition and you just so happened to run against perfect scholar Park Jimin, head of the student council, first place in the semestral talent show and prom king two times in a row. 

All it took for you to break down his perfect facade was some stupid trigonometry question and being a mere two seconds faster at answering it than him. 

News flash: Park Jimin was not the perfect student he appeared to be. 

To say that you became non-existent to him was an understatement, he had somehow recovered from the slip two months later by becoming first place on a national elite math competition.

Not that you paid much attention to his life, but it was somehow hard to miss as years went by and he became a regular topic on campus while on college. Everybody knows Park Jimin. Even if they don’t, everyone has heard of Park Jimin. 

It was indeed hard to miss the hallway gossiping about how Park Jimin turned down Korea’s National Ballet, or how Park Jimin just got a whole another thousand followers on his Instagram because he made it into yesterday’s Dua Lipa’s Instagram story while both of them were in some exclusive bar, but you’ve come to know better than base your opinions on said man because of his social media, there is only so much a camera lens can capture; even after his unmentioned cold shoulder of five years, you had come to be a first-hand witness to his parents’ daily fights just outside your bedroom window, leading to their divorce and Jimin’s’ signature house parties just hours after he had cried himself to sleep; it wasn’t that you were nosy, but some things were just hard to miss. 

The shrine in which Park Jimin had found himself making a new home after leaving the one beside your own, the one that everybody had him on and paid their respects blinded by follower numbers on screen and price tags on the outfits he wore to school were all made of lies. 

To put it simply, Park Jimin’s life was utter bullshit but you seemed to be the only one completely aware of it.

“I could maybe, you know, talk to him for you if you’d like” Taehyung suggested as you both waited for your respective drinks after the partner lists for the campus seminar came out from the dean’s office, Park Jimin, Y/LN Y/N printed on the second to last sheet of paper, just above the terms and conditions of no change under any circumstances.

“Tae, I have no problem talking to him, really, he just likes to pretend like I don’t even exist” you said to your friend as he made a face that you knew was his way of asking for more information on the topic, a topic which you had been avoiding for the last year since you had told him you shared a past with the guy “I guess I’ll just drop by his dorm once classes are over, then he’ll just have to talk to me”

“Come on, Y/N-ie, just tell me already… did you guys used to date?” 

“You’re his friend, why don’t you pester him with these questions instead of me?” you retorted as you passed him his drink and took a sip out of yours, grimacing at the temperature of it

“I tried,” he said “But he denies even knowing you” 

You hum in acknowledgement as you both begin walking out of the café, your phone dinging as a way to let you know that you had a new notification on your social media, a message request from non-other than the devil himself, Jimin.

“Hey so, we’ll catch up later yeah?” Tae says, stopping while you still have your phone in hand “Let me know how it goes with your ex-boyfriend!”

“He’s not my ex!” you shout at him but he is already dashing down the sidewalk, opposite to you.

Jimin [just now]: hey Jimin [just now]: drop by my dorm in 10 You [just now]: oh wow, he talks! You [just now]: why don’t you drop by my dorm in 10 Jimin [just now]: I have an image to take care of, Y/N You [just now]: well so do I You [just now]: let’s meet at the library in 10 Jimin [just now]: fine.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“You know, you could at least abid to common etiquette and take your glasses off while we’re in the library,” you said as you continued tapping on your computer as a good five minutes went by after Jimin made it half an hour late to your study date “Plus, it’s rude from you to turn away while I’m talking to you”

“Just go on about what I should do for the project and I’ll make sure to deliver it before the deadline” 

“And here I thought you actually deserved the valedictorian from high school,” you said as you closed your laptop and pressed your hands together in a sarcastic manner before exhaling heavily “Just tell me already what your problem with me is, we’ll work it out before beginning the project”

Silence took over the table for a few seconds before someone walked up to him and they greeted each other exchanging a few words and you just smiled their way “I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Square up, Park. We’ll either talk it out or we’ll punch each other until it all goes away”

“Listen just- let’s get this over with so we can go back to pretending we don’t know each other” 

A few days after your first meeting in the library, things slowly started to work since you had accidentally dm him a meme that was meant for Taehyung, now working together through a shared drive and a few other meetings in the library when you both had time off after classes.

You were slowly woken from your sleep as a faint knocking sound kept lingering from somewhere, turning on your bed to look at your phone that signalled 2:23 am, you made your way to your dorm door, peaking through the peephole to see none other than Jimin waiting outside, dishevelled hair, oversized hoodie and laptop in hand.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you hissed at him as your eyes tried to shield out the light coming from the hall “Do you even know what time it is?”

“Hello to you too, Y/N,” he said as he took a seat on the small desk chair beside your bed “I just had this idea stuck in my head for the project” 

“And it couldn’t have waited, I don’t know, until the morning?” 

“Not really” he turned to face his laptop as he began explaining out his idea to you, your mind not really processing the words that left his mouth but fixating on his face instead, from the way he stopped whatever he was saying every few seconds to lick his plump lips, to how his eyes shined with bright interest as his hands emphasised his words, a soft aura around him that made you wonder if you were to capture the moment, it would stand out from any other pic he currently had on his feed, even when in sweats and dark circles around his eyes, this was the first time you had truly seen Park Jimin shining because of who he was in the moment rather than who he was trying to be.

Your eyes shot open and your heart skipped a few beats as you felt an unfamiliar weight above your middle as you turned to be face to face with the owner of the hand that held you cuddled close, the same soft aura surrounding him as your mind once again wandered off; even though your relationship with Jimin was difficult and borderline uncomfortable as it was, over the days it had somehow become weirder, no doubt more uncomfortable now that you both were found cuddling against each other in your tiny dorm bed, how the night before he had appeared in your door to tell you about his input for the project only to have him dozing off a few minutes after on the desk when you had offered him to share your bed for a nap until his mind could get him back to his own dorm, which clearly did not happen as he was currently asleep beside you.

“Jimin” you nudged him a bit as he stirred and whined in protest “Jimin you should get back to your dorm before class” 

He opened his eyes reluctantly but almost jumped at the sight of you both tangled together in bed “Oh god I’m so sorry, I really fell asleep” 

You smiled a forced smile at him “yeah… no problem though”

He was quick to stretch around and bid you goodbye with a slight pink tint on his face before disappearing out the door and you slumped against your bed groaning. Sure, Jimin is quite a sight to see, he is one of the most handsome men you’ve come across, but having known him for five years, with most of the time barely talking to each other, to suddenly cuddling together over the night had your mind and heart racing. Which it shouldn’t. Because he had made it clear on the first day that after the project was done, you both would go back to how it all was before. Whatever happened in between were just… occupational hazards.

One thing that came with Park Jimin was the gossip. In exchange of thousands of followers, he had to practically give up his privacy, almost as if he was some kind of celebrity, the juicier the gossip promised to be, the faster it expanded around campus, the easier people got a hold of his most intimate moments, which you came to learn sooner than later, with Taehyungs’ text attached to a set of pictures of Jimin walking out of your dorm adorned with an overlayed white text that read ‘Walk of shame on a school night’ and a few flashing gifs. Which you guessed he saw since he didn’t contact you for the rest of the week.

The next time you saw Jimin wasn’t exactly planned. The university had sent off a few invitations to some fancy diner just outside campus to be attended by a previously selected group of students representing their majors, amongst them, obviously, Park Jimin. 

A few hours into the night, and more than a few cocktails after, you had seen most of your classmates leaving except for a certain blond one that you had seen take off to the balcony, which you approached “Jimin? I’m heading home do you want me to-oh” his hands were placed around the middle of another man as his lips trace his exposed skin, Jimin turning to face you in surprise, heat rising to his cheeks as you turned your leave

“Y/N wait!” he called after you, his shoes clicking just mere seconds after your own as you made it towards the door until his hand grabbed your wrist to turn you around “Y/N…”

“It’s- nothing Jimin, really, you and I aren’t even a thing” you smiled at him and even though the words you spoke were true, you couldn’t help the clenching of your heart at the sight you had just encountered “I’m heading to campus if you wanna share a ride” 

His eyes scanned your face, hand never leaving his grip on your wrist as he took out his phone with his free hand to call an Uber and taking both of you outside to wait as your mind raced a hundred miles per second about the whole thing.

The whole ride was silent, even though you ached to ask him why in the hell would he call a whole SUV for the two of you on a 10-minute ride back, but you came to figure it had to do with something about his ‘image’. He was kind enough to walk you back to your dorm building, despite you advising against it, given the photos from a few weeks before that had him separating from you “Listen, Y/N” he whispered as you turned to him before the glass door “I need to ask for a favour” 

You just hummed in acknowledgement for him to go on  “What you saw tonight… no one can know I’m into guys”

That just about did it. You’ve known Park Jimin for five years, you’ve seen his parents’ marriage dissolve right before your eyes, no doubt he knew about it, yet he somehow thought of you as some telltale, you held his whole real-life secrets in your hands, none of his social media, selfie-induced lifestyle. 

“There’s nothing bad about being gay, Jimin,” you said back in a whisper, on your last sanity thread you could muster

“I’m not gay” his eyes fixed on the floor beneath him as he absentmindedly played with his shoes “I’m bisexual” 

“Yeah so, is that another relatable thing for you to post on your social media? Or are you actually being true to yourself for once?” his gaze fixated on you as if you were spitting venom at him “Don’t worry about it, Jimin, just don’t ever contact me again. Your secret is safe with me. Just like all those years ago” 

You were slowly making your way back home after one of your firsts nights out with some friends when out of the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of an all too familiar silhouette, seated cuddled up in one of those comfortable café couches was none other than Park Jimin, lips brushing against this other guys’ you knew from school, a few years older, Min Yoongi, hands held together and as you subtly tried not to stare, you couldn’t help but feel happy for him since he seemed genuinely happy in the moment, something you thought he deserved, given the whole ordeal going on back at home.

You didn’t think much of it at the time; sure, it was kind of frowned upon in such a small and closed-minded place like Busan, and you wouldn’t even dare to think about the hell that would rise if high school heartthrob Park Jimin turned out to like guys, but Jimin seemed like the type to place his happiness first. 

Up until during one of those tedious dominical women-only Sunday brunches your mother had started to bring you to, Jimin’s mother approached you for small talk.

“So how was yesterday’s date?” the teasing tone she was using throwing you off at first but everything seemed to click at once. Jimin’s mother had always not so subtly hinted at her son that she would love to have you as her in-law, with Jimin just brushing off the comments whenever she came up with them at one of your gatherings, going as far as setting you up as her son’s plus one to a family Christmas dinner. 

Jimin had just told his mother he was going out with you to hide the fact that he was going out with a boy.

And it somehow felt like your responsibility to cover up for the boy next door with the broken home, as if the happiness you had seen him exude when you saw him kissing that boy depended on your ability to lie right there and then. And you did.

Park Jimin stayed true to your wish and didn’t even attempt to contact you for the next week or so, you could see him occasionally writing his assigned part on the drive for your final project, his social media as dead as it could get, which quickly aroused questions on his well being plus some questionable rumours once he wasn’t seen around campus for three days in a row like how he had probably just gone studying abroad, but somehow, deep down you knew better. You didn’t know the Park Jimin that was the constant talk of the campus, no, but you knew perfectly well the Park Jimin from a broken home that likes to spend his days inside and cry it all out.

Once your final grade came back with a perfect score, and Jimin had completely missed the revision session, you found yourself walking to his dorm to share the news on your joint efforts. 

The first three times you knocked on the door there was no answer, until the fifth one a messy-haired,  shirtless Park Jimin opened the door with swelled eyes and pouty lips 

“I’m sorry” you blurted out

“You have nothing to be sorry about, I was kind of asking too much of you” he mumbled, lips trembling as he stayed close to the door 

“Jimin” you reached your arm to him, in an attempt to comfort him “I am in no place to validate your sexuality, nor am I one to go around telling people  who you love, I guess…” you breathed in an attempt to calm your racing mind and trembling lips that threatened to sob “I guess I just want you to be happy for who you are, not who you let others see”

“Y/N…” 

“No, just please listen, it’s been years, I want you to know that all those things I’ve kept to myself are in no way meaning that you are somehow indebted to me, I did it because you seemed happier that way” his hand came up to hold yours, softly caressing it as he motioned for you to come in and take a seat next to him on the couch

“Y/N you’ve been there for so long, through more bad times than good ones I guess” you both giggled at that “And I’ve been so ungrateful for it. If someone is to thank for the way I’ve been able to live this fake dream life I thought I wanted, it’s you, Y/N” 

There was a long moment of silence where he kept on playing with your hand in his, and unspoken shared remembrance of all the times you were a silent witness he knew he could find solace in until he broke the silence.

“It’s true, you know?” you raised your head to meet his eyes in a questioning look “that I’m bisexual”

You smiled at his words “What is that supposed to mean, Jimin?”

Suddenly his small smile faded and he drew closer to your face, his hand coming up to reach your cheek and caress it a few times, his eyes fixed on your lips, waiting for you to lean into him the way he did “It means, Y/N, that these past few weeks I’ve been happier than I ever thought I could be, with you” he pecked your lips for a second “Because of you”

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #166

Baseball season is in the air! Thankfully, you don’t need to be a fan of the sport to like this chapter. So long as you enjoy the stupid antics of a bunch of socially awkward teenage girls, there’ll be plenty of fun to be had. And of course, it wouldn’t be Watamote if they didn’t include a bunch of expertly intricated plot threads and natural character development as well. With all of Nico Tanigawa’s passions coming together once again, I can say that this chapter is definitely in top form.

So without further ado, let’s play ball!

Chapter 166: Because I’m Not Popular, I’ll Go Cheer

Tomoko getting flabbergasted just by Katou existing never gets old.

You know, I always had the impression that Tomoko wording things in the most perverted way was just a gut reaction due to her mind being perpetually in the gutter. But now, I feel like her answer here is just too on the nose to be anything but deliberate. IdiotPerv!Tomoko is hilarious, but TrollPerv!Tomoko is too powerful. 

Consequently, Tomoko can’t say shit without it biting her in the ass.

Okada with the save. Sure, she probably didn’t want to look like a slacker from Katou either, but still. If Katou’s the mom friend, then Pineapple-chan’s the exasperated, but supportive onee-san friend.

I just realized that this is a standard routine with these two: Yuri will say something tactless and Mako will call her name out in admonishment. If this has been going on since they first met, then Mako has boundless patience and/or is the absolute best friend that no person should ever take for granted. Not that 

Yuri does...mostly.

Y'all can tell that baseball fan Ikko had a blast drawing the backgrounds in this chapter.

Speaking of which, I’m 212% certain that Komiyama’s role in this chapter is to be the mouthpiece for Nico Tanigawa’s baseball fanatism. Given that it’s technically in-character (for who is basically their self-insert), and baseball chapters can only feasibly happen every hundred chapters or so, I’m fine with the mangakas taking these little indulgences.

Hey, let the girl live a little! Komi’s gotta cram ten chapters worth of dialogue she won’t get into one.

Pardon me, Tomoko, but you seem to have left your self-awareness by the entrance to the stadium.

Naturally, Tomoko hates that Komiyama isn’t making a fool of herself in front of her mom-crush. It’s easy to forget that so long as you don’t set off her berserk buttons, Komiyama is actually quite...normal. Like, being amicable with others and casually humble-bragging is her default state. 

Nico Tanigawa’s artistic habit of putting nicknames under faces always amuses me.

There’s being upset, and then there’s being petty. We all know that Tomoko is aware that Itou is in the band, and any other day, she wouldn’t hold that against the girl. But because she’s salty over Komiyama acting cool, her sensibilities revert back to Year-1 Tomoko logic. 

Now, if I were a more crass person, I could make the assumption that the majority of those underclassmen were a combination of girls admiring Fuuka’s “cool beauty” status and boys wanting to check out an attractive senior girl in a cheerleading outfit, discrepancies notwithstanding. 

But I won’t.  

Oh yeah, Miho. Based on the above cheers, she seems like your average popular girl, but if you recall, she got a kick out of Katou’s “offers” to Tomoko. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a bit of a mean streak in her.

Btw...armpits? Okay, then...

You’d think that by now, Tomoko would learn some subtlety before pulling shit like this.     

Normally, I’d call Tomoko out for shenanigans since I thought she was mostly over the whole “slut-shaming” thing. But given how she wasn’t thinking this when the girls in her class wore cheerleading outfits during last year’s sports festival (that we know of), I can only assume that this is more of Tomoko’s jealousy due to Fuuka’s friendship with Katou.

Either that, or Tomoko just doesn’t want to admit she finds her hot.

I think we’re all in agreement that Ucchi’s gonna lose massive points for this.

On the other hand, the image of Emoji Girl screaming about Tomoko’s crimes through a megaphone is peak absurdity, and I’ve been laughing my ass off for twelve minutes. 

In all seriousness, I’m kind of glad that Tomoko is finally getting her way overdue karma for all her skirt-peeping. Sure, it’s all been played for comedy, but that doesn’t change the fact that its sexual harassment, or the fact that she’s more than likely gotten away with it for being female.

It’s all fun and games until your stalker calls you out on it.

LIES.

You know...maybe it is Tomoko’s fetish. She’s done it so frequently, and it’s always been portrayed as just another one of Tomoko’s “quirks”. But given the context of all those occurrences, having a skirt-peeping fetish actually sounds very plausible. Thank you, Yuri, for that insight. 

Looking at Katou’s expression, it might be her fetish, too...

Seeing Tomoko get more and more mortified as everyone keeps dogpiling on her shame makes for quite the cathartic reading. 

Add on to the fact that Komiyama, the biggest perv of all, is the most dignified at this moment just makes this whole chapter an absolute treat.

Considering that Tomoko basically just got outed as a pervert in the middle of a crowd of spectators, she’s taking this quite well. First-year Tomoko could’ve had a legit panic attack if that had happened, but now, she actually has enough nerve to retaliate. Sure, Tomoko had some decent ammo with the Tanabata wish, so she likely had more guts than she would’ve been, but it’s still impressive nonetheless.

Sasaki Fuuka–putting a new spin on the term “victim-blaming”. 

Komiyama can be the reasonable one while Tomoko is the crazy pervert, or Tomoko can be the reasonable one while Komiyama is the crazy pervert.

But the universe just can’t have both be reasonable or perverted at the same time. 

As someone who knows jacksh*t about sports, I have to admit that this is an interesting fun fact if it can be applied to the popularity of real-life sports teams and cheer squads.

I could totally see this becoming a meme in the Watamote fandom. Anyone?

These moments of zero dialogue, sometimes a whole page’s worth, excel at immersing the reader into the story. Suddenly, you’re not just reading about characters in a story. You’re now experiencing first hand what’s like to be at a baseball game, with a few familiar faces from the band and cheer teams making it feel a lot more lively. 

If it weren’t for all the wonderful peeps on Reddit, I never would’ve caught that this is the same baseball manager we’re seen periodically since the beginning of the series. You know, the one Tomoko did that fake dub for?

Perhaps I’ll call her...Beta!Nemo. 

A PSA to all you non-sports fans: You can now pretend to be interested in your favorite high-school teams just by tuning into your local service provider.

Go, Harajuku Makuhari!

You know, I think I mentioned before that I wasn’t sure what Komiyama’s career prospects were.

Now I’ve got a clue.

Yo, I could feel that pain from my screen.

For a second, I thought this was Reina, given we can’t see her eyes and that she’s manspreading (sounds like something she would do). But then I pictured her actually signing up for cheerleading and...yeah, no. 

Not to sound all pretentious if you already know, but cheerleading really is one of the most difficult, dangerous, and underappreciated sports there is. In addition to all the physical risks, you have to maintain an endlessly cheery disposition, even when it’s hard. That’s why I call it the “customer service job” of the sports industry.

The go-to method to keep your in-story sports team at peak realism: 

Unwavering mediocrity. 

As opposed to them hurrying up and win? Quite the pessimist you are, Tomoko...

not.

As startling as it is to hear these words come out of Tomoko’s mouth, it’s not entirely unfounded. For all her negative worldviews, crude behavior, and general apathy, the one thing that has always been constant about Tomoko is that she knows things can be better and she wants things to be better. She never got the chance to really strive for it back then when she had nothing to latch onto. But now that she’s got friends, Tomoko realizes that she can feasibly make some of those ideals a reality.  

Their unbridled admiration is sweeter than diabetes.

Insert long-winded discussion of a related social phenomenon that probably exists, but the author is too lazy to research here. 

She...didn’t deny it. 

Character development...I guess?

I was wondering where Tomoko would draw the line on her slut-shaming towards Fuuka. Granted, it’s probably easier to feel empathy when you can see that shit happening from other people rather than yourself. 

But seriously, Katou? Pimping out your friend? You terrify me more and more with each passing chapter. 

See what I’ve been getting at? Tomoko knows that realistically speaking, her summer is probably not going to be anything extraordinary. Inconveniences will occur, moments of boredom will arise, and missed opportunities will transpire. But as I’ve reiterated time and again, even those “plain” experiences can become delightful memories when shared with those you care about.

That’s going to be a crucial feeling from this point on, it looks like. ‘Cause based on Yuri’s expression, she may have the most difficulty resonating with that kind of emotion. Let's see just how Yuri handles an expanding social circle–Tomoko included–that’s a little more bright-eyed than she is. 

We’re in the seventh inning stretch of Tomoko’s third year, and time will only tell if it ends in a victory.

[angelofberlin2000]

@HadleyFreeman

Sat 18 May 2019 09.00 BST

“Hey, I’m Keanu,” he introduces himself – unnecessarily, of course, and yet very Keanu-ishly. Despite being so famous his surname has long been superfluous, Keanu Reeves has always given the impression of being utterly unaffected by his own celebrity. He is regularly described by his co-stars as “kind” (Winona Ryder) and “humble” (Laurence Fishburne) and it is easier to imagine him walking on the moon than knocking back champagne with other celebrities on a yacht in St Barts. After all, the most famous paparazzi photo ever taken of Reeves was of him sitting alone on a bench, eating a sandwich out of a plastic bag. Hard to imagine Leonardo DiCaprio doing that.

“I’ll sit anywhere you want me to. This OK?” he says, taking a chair and offering me the sofa in the London hotel room where we meet. At just over 6ft, he is taller than I expected – also unusual for an actor – and dressed in a very Keanu outfit of dark shirt and trousers with sturdy boots. Despite being recently announced as the new face of the high fashion label Saint Laurent, Reeves has long been the patron saint of normcore, decades before it became a fashion statement. And I know this all too well because, from 1991–99, I had at least five posters of him on my bedroom walls modelling said look.

The 2010 photo of Reeves on a New York bench that sparked the Sad Keanu meme. Photograph: Splash News

Should one ever meet one’s teenage crush? Up until this week, I’d assumed I was long past the point of being starstruck – I’m a 40-year-old woman, for God’s sake! But now here I am, sitting opposite Reeves, now 54, the beard more grizzled than in my posters and the forehead suspiciously smooth, but still, most definitely Keanu. There’s that devastating smile he flashed at Sandra Bullock at the end of Speed, and there he is saying – and this is where I nearly lose all vestiges of professionalism – “Excellent!” while playing air guitar. Listening to the tape of our interview later is not an edifying experience, as I hear myself – Oh, dear God – flirt with Reeves (because, clearly, a heavily pregnant mother of two is the dream woman he’s been waiting for). Happily, my mortifying giggling soon abates, thanks to Reeves’ management of a situation he has presumably had to deal with every day of his life for the past four decades. And as he does, I get an insight into what it takes to be Keanu Reeves.

We are meeting today to discuss his latest film, John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum. It will unquestionably boost the more than $3bn Reeves’ movies have grossed over the years. When he made the first John Wick film in 2014 – directed, as all the Wick films are, by Chad Stahelski, Reeves’ stunt double on the Matrix films – few expected that a movie about a former assassin avenging the killing of his puppy would amount to much. Despite starring in some of the most successful and seminal movies of the past 30 years – from offbeat hits like Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and My Own Private Idaho, to blockbusters like Point Break, Speed and The Matrix – Reeves has been in at least as many damp squibs, including 2013’s 47 Ronin, one of the biggest box office flops of all time. Yet Wick, a stylish, brooding, ultraviolent revenge fantasy, was an unexpected hit with critics and audiences, and is now a mega-million dollar franchise, giving Reeves his first mainstream hits since the Matrix movies.

Part three – sorry, Chapter 3 – is larkier than its two predecessors, including one incredible scene in which Reeves offs some bad guys using an actual horse as a weapon (rest assured: the horse escaped unharmed). As a testament to the success of the franchise, there are more celebrity co-stars, including Halle Berry, and despite the naysayers when it comes to Reeves’ acting, he is terrific as a man still mourning the death of his wife. (She died at the beginning of the first John Wick film, from that terrible terminal disease, Convenient Plot Device.) “We certainly didn’t know when we started on John Wick that it would become like this,” says Reeves. “We’re only getting to tell these stories because of the audience. So thank you.” He salutes me in thanks, as representative of all the Wick audiences. (If you are imagining this is one of the times I giggled at him, you are correct.)

One of the canniest things about the Wick films is how they riff on Reeves’ public image. Once dismissed as an airhead by those who confused the Bill & Ted movies with reality, for the past two decades Reeves has been seen as a melancholic loner. The famous 2010 photo of him on a New York bench sparked what became known as the Sad Keanu meme, but it only struck a chord because the assumption already existed that Reeves – then in a career slump – was, well, a bit sad. Reeves, with polite firmness, denies that this echo is deliberate – “No, no, I don’t think about that” – although it is hard to believe it wasn’t in the film-makers’ minds as they shot endless scenes in John Wick 3 of Sad Keanu wandering alone through rainy New York streets, empty hotel corridors and a desert.

It quickly becomes clear that polite firmness is Reeves’ modus operandi when it comes to nosy questions: he will give the impression of being up for answering anything while, in fact, saying very little, or nothing at all. (Sample exchange. Me: “Was there ever a moment, maybe after Bill & Ted, when people started reacting differently to you and you realised your life had changed?” Him: “Um, no.” Me: “Really?” Him: “No.”) What this distancing tactic might lack in conversational intimacy, it makes up for in shutting down any embarrassing flirtations from women who should know better. You can’t kid yourself you are soulmates with someone who is building such protective walls against you.

So I’m surprised when he volunteers that Wick’s melancholy possibly has a connection to some of the most painful moments in his life. One other big reason the public perception of Reeves shifted from comedy stoner to faintly tragic figure was because, in 1999, his long-term girlfriend, Jennifer Syme, gave birth to their daughter Ava, who was stillborn. The couple broke up soon after, and two years later Syme was killed in a car accident. Reeves has never married, had any other children or even been reliably linked to other romantic partners since. He has also never spoken publicly about their deaths, and who can blame him? But given that the heart of the Wick films is about him mourning a lost love, the resonance is hard to ignore.

“With any character, the way I think about it is, you have the role on the page, you have the vision of the director and you have your life experience,” he says.

Did he bring his experience of bereavement to the role? “Oh yeah, I thought it was one of the foundations of the role for John Wick. I love his grief,” he says, visibly perking up at the subject.

What is it about grief that interests him? “Well, for the character and in life, it’s about the love of the person you’re grieving for, and any time you can keep company with that fire, it is warm. I absolutely relate to that, and I don’t think you ever work through it. Grief and loss, those are things that don’t ever go away. They stay with you.”

Has he been thinking more about the people he has lost as he’s grown older? “I don’t think it’s about getting older. It’s always with you, but like an ebb and flow,” he says.

Anyone in particular? “Lots of people,” he says, bricking those walls right back up.

***

Keanu Reeves was born in Beirut, Lebanon, the son of an English mother and Hawaiian-Chinese father. (His first name, as all Reeves-ologists know, is Hawaiian for “cool breeze over the mountains”.) With his sister Kim, the family moved around the world, from Australia to Manhattan, before finally settling in Toronto when Reeves was six. I reckon you can often spot an adult who moved around a lot as a kid, I tell him. “Oh yeah? How?” he says, intrigued.

They tend to have a sense of detachment, self-sufficiency, maybe loner tendencies and a strong sense of independence, I say. “Yeah, I clinically belong to that. I definitely have a bit of the gypsy in me,” he agrees.

Reeves’ father left the family when Keanu was three, and disappeared entirely from their lives when he was 13. He and his sister had multiple stepfathers.

That’s a pretty hard age for a parent to vanish off the scene, I say. “For sure, I think it’s definitely traumatising. But it’s hard to know how [it affected me] because I don’t know what the other life would have been, you know what I mean?” he says.

Did his father ever contact him again? “Yeah, in the mid-90s, but I didn’t reach back out,” he says.

This was after his father had been convicted for selling heroin? “Yeah, but that wasn’t why I didn’t get in touch!” he laughs.

So why not? “I just didn’t,” he replies, and that’s the end of that. But I can’t help but think of one of my favourite scenes of his, from Ron Howard’s 1989 ensemble comedy Parenthood, in which Reeves’ character muses about paternal figures: “You need a licence to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a licence to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.”

Often the class clown at school, Reeves liked sport and loved acting, and got an agent as a teenager after being talent-spotted in a play. He dropped out of high school before graduation. “I feel really fortunate in a way, because I knew what I wanted to do, and a lot of kids that age don’t. But I had a creative ambition and I did it,” he says. After some early television work, Reeves started getting film roles, most notably in the cult 1986 teen drama River’s Edge, followed by Bill & Ted, and from there the work never stopped.

Back in the 1990s, he was the go-to pin-up for all teenagers who wanted a beautiful, gentle and safely asexual boyfriend (hi!). But his acting, if not his looks, has been a more debatable subject. “Is Keanu Reeves a Good Bad Actor or a Bad Good Actor?” a reader wrote in to ask the New York Times’ film critics in 2011 (the answer was, “Neither! A good actor, period”). Writing in the Guardian, self-professed superfan Joe Queenan put him in a small category of actors so beloved they are beyond criticism: “In most of [his best] movies, Keanu plays a character the audience views more with affection than with reverence or idolatry, like a kid brother who has bitten off more than he can chew and may need outside help to survive.”

Today Reeves has a good riposte to the criticism that he doesn’t, or can’t, act. “I certainly never got it from any of the directors I worked with,” he says, checking off some of the most respected in the business, including Bernardo Bertolucci (Little Buddha), Kathryn Bigelow (Point Break), Francis Ford Coppola (Bram Stoker’s Dracula), Stephen Frears (Dangerous Liaisons), Gus Van Sant (My Own Private Idaho) and Richard Linklater (A Scanner Darkly). “It’s not like I went to meet Kenneth Branagh [who directed him in 1993’s Much Ado About Nothing] and he was like, ‘Excellent, dude!’ You know?” He chucks in a little air guitar to boot.

It would have been pretty funny if Branagh had said that, though. “Of course! But the pigeonholing just comes from journalists and, yeah, that happens a lot. I generally don’t read the press but when I do I’m like, ‘Oh, OK, you’re doing that again,’” he says with a shrug.

I’ve never really understood the criticism. OK, he might not have been perfectly cast in Much Ado and acting opposite John Malkovich and Glenn Close in Dangerous Liaisons when he was only 24 was never going to be a fair fight. But he has always been a far more varied actor than the snarkers allow. He proved his superlative comic timing and endearing charisma in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and, when it comes to drama and sci-fi, no one is better at maintaining an inscrutable blankness. That quality is precisely what has driven so many directors to cast him, often as a messiah-like figure in movies such as Little Buddha, 2005’s Constantine (one of Reeves’ favourites), 1995’s Johnny Mnemonic and, of course, The Matrix. And of all the improbable actors who became action stars in the 1990s – Alec Baldwin, Nicolas Cage – Reeves seemed the most at home in the genre, in the still deliciously enjoyable Point Break and Speed, which he made in between smaller indie fare. So did he do the big movies in order to fund the smaller projects?

“Honestly, I try not to do anything I don’t want to do. But I guess those movies were in reaction to each other. It wasn’t as thought out as, OK, I finished Point Break, so now I’d better play a street prostitute. It was more like, OK, I finished this, now I want to do that,” he says.

“That” refers to 1991’s My Own Private Idaho, in which he and River Phoenix play street hustlers. Reeves had already met Phoenix through the latter’s girlfriend Martha Plimpton, with whom he had worked in Parenthood. The two quickly became friends, and it’s not hard to see why: both were young actors on the rise with a love of music and a pronounced lack of interest in the glitzier, red carpet side of their job. They were the anti-Brat Pack, and Phoenix, along with Alex Winter from Bill & Ted, were, Reeves says, “definitely my closest friends from that era. We shared an artistic sensibility. River was just so down-to-earth, spiritual and a unique artist. Yeah, I miss him,” says Reeves quietly. When Phoenix suggested the two of them make My Own Private Idaho, “I was in right away,” he says.

They had something else in common, a shared experience suggested in the now almost unbearably moving scene where the two sit by a campfire and talk haltingly about their childhoods.

Mike (Phoenix): If I had a normal family, and a good upbringing, then I would have been a well-adjusted person.

Scott (Reeves): Depends on what you call normal.

Mike: Didn’t have a dog, or a normal dad. Anyway, that’s all right. I don’t feel sorry for myself, I feel like I’m, you know, well-adjusted.

Scott: What’s a normal dad?

Phoenix’s dysfunctional childhood, growing up in a rackety family who for a time belonged to the Children of God cult, has been well-documented. Reeves’ was different, but no slouch when it came to potential trauma. Was that another thing that drew them together?

He ponders the question a full 10 seconds. “Certainly our histories played a role in that movie and in that scene. So I’ll say yes to that, yeah,” he says.

Two years after My Own Private Idaho’s release, the actor who desperately wanted to avoid every Hollywood cliche died the most cliched death imaginable, of a drugs overdose on Sunset Boulevard in 1993. Plenty of his contemporaries were also caught out, either self-destructing or becoming victims of their own success. Reeves adamantly refused to do either. When I ask how he avoided falling victim to drug addiction as Phoenix did, he says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world: “I just wasn’t into that scene.”

It’s hard to tell if he’s being blithe or defiant when he insists he still lives his life totally normally, unaffected by fans. But if Leonardo DiCaprio went into a supermarket, there would be hysteria, I say.

“Yeah, but Leonardo has fame and fans that I don’t have in that way. Definitely. I don’t know what his experiences are, but I think someone from the outside would think [going shopping] might not be easy for him. Whereas I can, which is good,” he says.

Come on, surely fans bother him all the time? But the worst he can come up with is someone quoting Point Break at him in the airport the other day and someone, once, quoting River’s Edge when he was queueing at an ice-cream van. “And that’s fun!” he says cheerfully.

In the 1980s and 1990s, he was offered every hot young part under the sun, including the lead in Platoon (which went to Charlie Sheen) and Val Kilmer’s role in Heat. But when I ask if he regrets turning any of them down, he smiles and instantly replies, “No.” He also turned down a $12m pay cheque to make Speed 2 because he, rightly, thought the plot was nonsense, which resulted in him being shut out of 20th Century Fox films for the next 11 years (and no, he doesn’t regret that, either). He is about to start shooting Bill & Ted Face The Music, in which the now fiftysomething duo have to write a song so good it will save the universe. “There has to be a reason for making a movie, and the writers have come up with a good ‘why’ for telling the story,” he says. When I ask what gives him an ego boost, given that he’s not driven by money or fame, he is so baffled by the idea of his ego needing a boost that he is silent for a full 28 seconds before finally answering, “The work.”

Maintaining his privacy has been a major factor in helping Reeves retain his sanity, yet away from the press he can be extraordinarily open and laid-back. By a weird fluke, I have two friends who, separately, spent time with him in the 90s and both still talk about his generosity: he took them for rides on his motorbike and stayed in touch (yes, I am furious with them for not including me in any of this). There are legions of stories about Reeves’ kindness: buying his stuntmen motorbikes, renegotiating his Matrix contract so that the crew got a better deal, at a personal cost of millions of dollars. Shortly before we meet, Reeves was on a flight between San Francisco and Los Angeles that was grounded due to a mechanical fault. Instead of pulling rank with some “Do you know who I am?” A-list entitlement, Reeves encouraged his fellow passengers to board a van with him so they could drive to LA, keeping the mood up by sharing fun local facts and playing music from his iPhone. (Needless to say, footage of this quickly went viral.) So his four decades-long reticence with the media might well be Reeves’ most brilliantly sustained performance.

  How we made Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure                                                                                                                                                         Read more                            

But he bristles when I mention these stories. “I’m pretty private, so when that stuff doesn’t stay private it is not great,” he says.

Because he worries it will look like he’s just doing it for show? “No. Because it’s private,” he says with emphasis.

Ah well. I have accepted by this point that we probably won’t ride off together into the sunset on his motorcycle. But if the price of Reeves still being so recognisably Keanu-ish is him retaining a firm grip on his privacy and at least a pretence of normality, that feels like a fair trade-off. I assume doing this interview has been a torturous experience for him, so as we get up to leave I ask how he’d have preferred to spend the afternoon, in a dream scenario.

“Oh, I don’t know. This dream ain’t so bad!” he says, and gives me that full end-of-Speed smile again. And reader, I giggled.

• John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum is in cinemas now.

If you would like a comment to be considered for inclusion on Weekend magazine’s letters page in print, please email weekend@theguardian.com, including your name and address (not for publication).

[red-applesith]

I love your meta works! I have a question regarding the interrogation scene in TFA. Why do you think Rey was so calm? Her first question is 'where am I?' and she sounds relatively collected given the circumstances. I imagened myself in her position. Strapped down to a chair, facing a massive guy in a mask. I would expect to be raped and be in utter panic. She only tears up much later. Do you think she's just not as easily scared, or is Ben not as intimidating to her as a 'monster' should be?

Thank you for your kind words!

Daaamn, that’s a REALLY good question! I think there’s much to say about that.

Context

First of all, when watching the movie (or any movie for that matter), it’s essential to make the distinction between what the character knows and what the audience knows.

It’s especially crucial with Star Wars because the audience knows or expects a great deal more than the characters themselves about the world they inhabit. 

And that’s why fans tend to make connections between characters or events that are not connected in-universe.

Recent example: Rey’s parentage.

Rey must be Luke’s daughter!

Jyn Erso is Rey’s mum.

Qi'ra is Han’s love interest, and Rey’s mum, meaning Rey and Kylo are half-siblings!

It doesn’t matter if the timelines don’t align. Fans WANT to find connections and connect the dots.

In movies, especially in The Force Awakens, some things are meant to only make sense to the character at this point of the story (every single line spoken by Kylo Ren for instance) which leave us, the fans, speculating to no end.

However, to speculate, we need specific tools, which brings me to my second point.

What are the tools in our possession as an audience to understand Star Wars?

1. Star Wars legacy and tie-in materialOn top of their knowledge of the Star Wars stories that came before, Star Wars fans have access to supplemental content such as books, games, TV series and an extensive database to feed their theories about a character’s motivations or background. Doesn’t matter if some of that is not canon anymore. Some basic concepts exist.

That’s why Reylo fans correctly predicted the Force bond. We labeled Rey and Kylo the new Bastilla and Revan because the parallels existed and from there, the Force bond made perfect sense.

2. Codes and conventionsIn every form of art, ‘there’s a way to do things,’ codes and conventions that give us some clues about a character’s true feelings or where a story is heading. That’s why some movies are predictable while others have a shocking, unexpected ending. That’s also why ‘genres’ (romantic comedies, horror movies, thrillers, etc…) exist.

In movies, codes are what brings meaning to what’s going on on-screen, while conventions are more about how things are done.

And the truth is, there are many codes and conventions the audience understand instinctively, even if they never studied Media Studies 101.

Why is that? Because those codes emerged over the years, and as the audience saw them on-screen over and over again, they became part of our culture. For instance, imagine a character in a bathroom opening a medicine cabinet. How many of us expect to see the reflection of a menacing figure in the mirror as soon as the character closes the cabinet? (answer: a lot)

Another good illustration of that phenomenon is that meme:

But I’ll go back to that later; first I want to discuss one last point before getting into the breakdown of the interrogation scene.

3. The viewer’s experience/baggage  

There’s one last tool we use as an audience: Our personal experience/feelings/bias.

That one is the most contentious because for obvious reasons, no two human beings have the same life experience, ambitions, or fears, and art is one of the most subjective human concepts. We all react differently to images and situations (Wonder what fuels nerd wars or ship wars? Look no further.)

Dynamic of the interrogation scene

Okay, let’s get into this for real.

Do I think Rey is afraid of being raped?No

Why?Because I don’t think that rape is a concept she’s ‘aware’ or afraid of.

Okay, some might think this is a bold statement, but let me explain my reasoning.

First of all, in Force Awakens, Rey’s Survival Guide and Before the awakening, we see a glimpse of Rey’s life on Jakku, and we know she’s been pretty much alone all of her life. Despite that, she’s not afraid; Not afraid to rescue BB-8 from Teedo, not afraid to refuse to sell BB-8 to Plutt, not afraid to fight Plutt’s thugs.

>> Rey isn’t afraid to say no to male figures. 

If Jakku were a place where women are sexually exploited or mistreated, Rey would react very differently to these situations, wouldn’t she? She would hide and keep her head down at all time. That’s clearly not the case here.

Now, picture Jakku and Niima Outpost, especially in the movie. It’s hot and dusty, like Tatooine. Plutt is an asshole, like Watto. But do we see slaves in skimpy outfits or any sleazy bar? The answer is no. 

World building 101: Jakku and Rey’s early life is sexless. 

It doesn’t mean Rey is ignorant about sex; it just says she has no reason to associate danger or punishment to sexual violence, she just has no frame of reference for that.

And I believe that’s a very deliberate choice from the writers. In both TFA and TLJ, Rey and women, in general, are not sexualized. Even Bazine, who is the ‘femme fatale spy’ of The Force Awakens is clothed from tip to toe. And when we see boobs in TLJ, we see the Thala sirens and the weird lady in the casino with the floating dog.

(Btw, it’s super interesting because TFA and TLJ draw a lot of parallels with the previous movies obviously, but the exciting thing to study is what is missing.

For instance, even if we don’t know who Maz is, it takes no more than a scene in TFA to understand what she’s not: Maz’s castle is not Jabba’s palace. There are no cruel games, no slave dancing for the male gaze, etc…)

Is the audience afraid on behalf of Rey?Yes

Why?We didn’t grow up on Jakku. For us, sexual violence is real and female suffering and sexual exploitation a staple of our entertainment and culture.

Narrative codes taught us that female characters restrained to metal chairs do not belong to romantic comedies; they belong to horror movies and stories about serial killers. Our brain is conditioned to recognize such patterns, and it’s entirely reasonable to be afraid for Rey at that moment.  

Is Kylo talking about sex?I don’t think so. But I think Lawrence Kasdan and J.J. Abrams knew that the audience was going to understand it that way.

Code and conventions:

 ‘That this is not the face of a villain threatening sexually our hero:’

Let’s compare with Javier Bardem’s character, Raul Silva, in Casino Royale 

Code and conventions:

‘Yeah…That’s more like it.’

Codes and conventions are amazing, I love them

Why?In Force Awakens especially, Kylo is the writers’ puppet. His lines are the most meta of them all: What Kylo says and what he means are two very different things.

Is Ben intimidating to Rey?To an extent, yes, but not as much as Kylo/Ben is intimidating to us, the audience, and maybe not for the reasons we think of. Also probably not as much as he’d like to be, to be honest.

Seeing how Rey reacts when she’s with Ben/Kylo is essential to understand her character AND the nature of their relationship.

Now, to analyze her reactions, we need to separate what we know of Kylo Ren at that point and what Rey knows.

We witnessed him killing Lor San Tekka and giving the order to kill the members of the Church of the Force, but Rey didn’t; she doesn’t know who he is, except that he followed her in the Forest and he uses the Force.

Last thing she remembers:

Code and conventions:

That’s not how you carry a prisoner Kylo. What school of villainy did you go to?

Also, as established earlier, Rey isn’t easily frightened.

When Rey wakes up, Kylo is squatting a few meters away, watching her. As far as she’s concerned, she’s not in immediate danger. (Let’s be honest; if she’d opened her eyes and found him sniffing her hair or trying to cop a feel, her reaction might have been different tbh.)

Code and conventions:

Kylo, Y U not doing what you did with Poe??

Next, she initiates the conversation, asking with defiance where she is. 

How she speaks to Kylo isn’t that different to how she speaks to Teedo and Plutt. Perhaps she’s assessing the situation at that moment. How is he going to react? 

Kylo’s response and reaction gives her two clues:

He calls her a guest, not a prisoner.

He answers her question (He doesn’t shout, doesn’t stay silent,  doesn’t ask her to shut up).

From the get-go, Rey is already -relatively- in control.

Code and conventions:

Usually the kidnapper is in control. You’re really bad at your job, Kylo.

Rey, you’re doing great, continue like that.

Next, she mentions the mask. What does Kylo do? He removes it.

Code and conventions: 

Okay… What’s going on there?

Once again, even if she’s retrained, Rey is the one in control.

Once the mask is off, you can sense a shift in her body language. She’s not scared; she’s embarrassed and confused.

Code and conventions:

That is not how you react when you’re scared.

Then, Kylo tries to get into her head and things get tough. That’s when she starts crying. 

Suddenly she’s lost the control. The things she’s never talked to anyone? Kylo is finding out and she’s embarrassed about it. Embarrassed because she’s a very private person, embarrassed because she has secrets, embarrassed because her defiance is a mask, and probably embarrassed because Kylo is cute and she doesn’t know how to process what’s going on.

Some people want to argue that the whole scene is a metaphor for rape, but it’s actually closer to someone finding a teenager’s diary and reading it out loud.

Rey is very private and obviously having her inner thoughts exposed brings back lots of bad memories. 

Arguably, that’s when Kylo discovers her parents:

But as I said earlier, Rey isn’t easily frightened and she fights back.

Code and conventions:

Rey is no damsel in distress or victim! She will have none of your bullshit.

Rey orders Kylo to get out of her head and what happens? He immediately moves away from her. 

That’s where they start fighting mentally and she gets into his head instead

And she wins!

^ That’s the face she sees before Kylo goes running to Snoke. 

Code and conventions:

That guy isn’t a threat.

>> During the whole scene, Rey might be restrained, but she’s the one in control.

So overall, Rey knows that she has nothing to be afraid of when Ben is around because she’s had the upper hand since the beginning. Now that she’s been into his head, she also knows that he’s more afraid than she is.

Also, she still has no idea what he did before they met, nor does she know what he’s about to do. 

Sure, it’s open to personal interpretation but let’s look at Finn and Rey when Han and Ben are talking. 

Finn is scared because he knows Kylo Ren. Rey is curious because she doesn’t think Ben has the guts to kill Han. 

TL;DR: Rey isn’t scared because Kylo isn’t scary to her.

[nihil242]

Interview Meme - Ruri Valeth

What is your full name?

”Ruri Valeth” What do your friends call you?

“Some used to call be Ruru but I never found out why, but most just call me Ruri. There are a few who call me Watermelon Cat too!” (I say watermelon’s exist somewhere in Eorzea!)

What is your favorite animal?

“I love all sorts of animals! Birds, Cats, Dogs, Foxes, Dinosaurs, Chimeras,  Tentacles....” She giggles a little. “Some may think a few of my choices are odd but I don’t care!”

Where were you born?

“The western forests of Gridania in some kind of commune, I really don’t know exactly where or what the place was even called since I ran away at an early age and never want to remember the place or ever go back...” She sniffles a little.

Do you have children?

Slapping her face a little to regain composure then smiling again “Oh!! No but I wish to adapt one or a few some day. Seeing so many orphans still I really wan’t to help out... It’s something I really need to discuss with my wife Iris though”

Is there a person/people you love?

Blushing a little thinking of Iris. “Well speaking of my wife... I love her more than words can say! We try to spend every second together that we can, we support each other and even work together! We’ve only been together a little over a year but it just seems like we were always meant to be. True soulmates!”

What is your favorite color?

She reaches back grabbing her ponytail and throwing it over her shoulder. “Green and pink of course!” She runs her fingers through her ponytail then tosses it back behind her head. “And yes I’m a natural green-head!” She giggles again. “The pink highlights I added though” 

What is your full occupation?

Opening her journal and showing several outfit sketches to the interviewer. “I’m a seamstress! I make personalized clothing for my customers and handle repairs and such. I actually met my wife through my job when I had to repair her jacket which was very special to her. I remember she was so excited she nearly fainted when I told her it was fixed! I love my job right now it’s only my wife and I since we don’t have an over-abundance of customers at the moment. But looking to expand sometime soon!”

(Little picture of my shop below)

Are you good at physical fighting?

She sighs while looking down and clenches her skirt tightly, her voice saddened. “I.. thought I was.. until I saw real war first hand. I couldn’t do anything except run. I had been in some battles and skirmishes before but nothing to the scale of what I saw with Dalamud hanging above us, thousands of people getting stabbed or flat out dying right next to me..” She gulps and lifts a hand to wipe her tears. “So... no I am not a good fighter. I stashed away my lance and hope I never need to use it again.”

Which form are you best at?

“Form?” She smiles again looking at her magic brush on the desk “A snake I guess? Maybe I misunderstood the question”

What about magic?

“I know some basic healing spells through my Grimoire book and whatever Eos can do, but I wouldn’t rely on myself in any real healing emergency!”

Which type are you best at?

Looking a bit lost as she tries to think, her eyes looking around the room at various spots. “Uh.. if I had to choose I’d say fighting with a weapon still.”

Craftsmanship?

"Well of course! I’m a seamstress after-all! Crafting is my life without it I’d have nothing to do! I want to learn more about blacksmithing and armoursmithing as well so I can make weapons and armor for those who are still fighting.”

Any other skills?

“Umm I can grab things with my tail!” She swings her tail to the side grabbing a glass and bringing it to her hand. “Can come in use sometimes I guess!” She looks back at her magicked brush on the desk. “Well there’s other stuff... but I wouldn’t consider it a skill rather than just something that’s artificially done to me now.” She clears her throat. “Next question!”

Are you an only child?

“As far as I know I am an only child, I left my home at age 12 and have not had any contact with my family since then. There may be more Valeth children somewhere but I would never know it unless we met by chance or if I heard from someone else”

Where do you see yourself in five years?

“Hopefully selling some of my clothing on the open market rather than through private dealings, I really want people to see what I can make!”

Have you ever almost died?

She curls her toes nervously in her sandals. “Well, yes during the battle of  Carteneau I pretty much froze in place after seeing my friends neck get chopped and... blood squirting everywhere.. AHH!!” She screams suddenly seeing a flash of the image in her mind.. “S..sorry... after that..” She shakes her head regaining herself. “He... came for me throwing a dagger slicing the tip of my ear. I dove under a rock to hide and luckily he did not chase me. Next thing I know Bahamut appeared and the entire battlefield was aflame. I lay hidden under that boulder only seeing the feet of people running for their lives empire or not. Next thing I knew all I could see was a white light and I was teleported away to the outskirts of Ul’dah.. apparently in the future.” She takes a deep breath. “Really crazy I survived, none of my friends made it..” She chokes a bit fighting back her tears.

Do you have a secret, not just a secret, but like a really big secret hardly anyone knows?

Wiping her eyes again trying to smile. “Well, I kinda hinted at it already, but that brush there has some odd properties. It permanently transformed my Wife and I a bit. Only two of our friends know about it that I’m aware of..”

Salty or sweet?

Running her tongue along her lips a little. “I love both but I’d have to choose sweet!”

Do you like yourself?

She looks down and smiles. “Yes! I think I’m doing fine for now. I kinda wish I was a tad taller though sometimes.”

Do you believe in the Twelve?

She extends her leg showing an ankle tattoo of her chosen guardian Nymeia (The Spinner). “I do! But, I think of them more like guides than entities.”

Are you religious?

She shakes her head. “We don’t really go to church, my wife and I.. so I’d say no.”

Do you carry prejudice with you?

Shaking her head more. “No!!! I am very accepting of all people, cultures, and backgrounds! Even some from the empire aren’t all that bad!” 

What do you consider entertainment?

“Dancing, singing, watching plays, or just hanging out around our house with my wife! Nothing too fancy, but it’s fun to me!”

Favorite drink?

Answering quickly without a second thought. “Rolanberry Tea!”

Do you have any family traditions?

“Nope, they weren’t around enough to teach me any” She says with a straight face.

Are you a good person?

“Of course! The goodest! Is that a word?” She giggles. “But I am the kindest and loyalest person you’ll know! Or, at least I try to be.”

Thank you for answering my questions.

“Thank you for interviewing me! Sorry for yelling that one time, some things I still haven’t gotten over.” 

Tagged by: @taracelica

Tagging: @mystisnykoto @papaya-pyon @jadestormbrand @eeveekins @narancat @sara-bateson and anyone else who hasn’t done yet!

EDIT: Fixed Only Child question, thanks Anon!

[engl699readingjournal-blog]

Mateja was from Nürnberg and had been scouted as a model in her mid-teens. Like most slim male models with androgynous faces and slender figures, her entire career had been from the very beginning sculpted by her agency as informed by the archetypes she could already be placed into, prefabricated and predestined, as laid out for her as the clothing items themselves. She had done H&M campaigns in effete floral blouses, clad in bell-bottom pants and donning Quentin-Crisp-esque scarves and broad-brimmed hats, round sunglasses, ethereal photoshoots standing in meadows, wreathed in lavender. Tresses intertwined with leaves and open shirts slipping off of pale bony shoulders, a glamorous pastoral in which a certain suspended belief in the existence of masculinity was engineered by an industry presently dominated by Andreja Pejić pre-transition. At the height of Mateja’s career, the industry had only just realized that androgyny was lucrative, apparently, because even before I had met her I knew her. Pictures of her crossed my Tumblr dashboard from time to time. She blended in with the other thousands of models being styled exactly as she was, but she was there nonetheless, a part of this bizarre vision someone was curating, the ultra-wispy waifish male model clothed in these strange Little Lord Fauntleroy outfits as if he had himself been dressed by some Victorian nanny, given dissolute-1920s-schoolboy floppy haircuts. At one point I felt like a day couldn’t pass by without me seeing someone reblog a picture of one of these models in a sheer button down that showcased his ribs and collarbones, one blue eye peeking at the camera because the other was covered by the hair flop, a boater hat perched on top of that, cultivating the kind of gossamer construct Thomas Mann might have chased through Venice in a 1913 fantasy. Spindly hands, hollow cheeks, emphasized undereye circles that reiterated the eternal toxic marriage between the anemic image and the marketable queer one. The only way to be androgynous: rail thin, white as Christmas in Finland, consumptive. Models were scouted, packaged this way, then disposed of once they had aged out of the fey aesthetic. Something about seeing them years later on Instagram, sloppy, weird, greasy, chainsmoking, partying, was satisfying, the shedding of the artificial skin and the assumption of the unmarketable identity, the inundation of the Instagram account with memes instead of photoshoot outtakes, the gaining of weight and the growing of patchy beards, the eschewing of the sheer blouse in favor of kitschy t-shirts with stock photos of European-Union-themed nail art silkscreened across the front. High-waters paired with dirty running shoes. If Thomas Mann had seen them all now he may never have written Der Tod in Venedig. This is what his Tadzio would become? A smelly Prenzlauer Berg hipster in Dahmer glasses? Good.

Mateja was of a slightly different variety of industry pariahs, though. Once she left her representing agency, she grew her hair out, started wearing PVC skirts over black leotards, changed her name, started her own modeling agency for trans, genderqueer, nonbinary, and otherwise non-cisgender people. That was how we met. “The agency is called Das Modell,” she said as we sat at Südblock, casually inhaling an entire Flammkuchen while we talked about her work. “With two L’s. You know, like a concept, a theory, not like a person. And das, because it’s neutrisch. So is das Model, but the meanings are not quite the same.” I thought about the song by Kraftwerk and its rudimentary lyrics – “she is a model and she’s looking good / I’d like to take her home, that’s understood” – and how I had seen the German title of that song spelled both ways, with and without the extra L at the end. Of course, obsessed with all things robotic and scientific as they were, it would have made sense if the same wordplay had been intended there. “I just got sick of many things in this mainstream fashion industry,” she went on. “I left this agency because I told them I was not a male and they didn’t know what to do about that. They wanted to make me like Andreja, but I wasn’t like her. She knew she was a woman for many years, you know. She just didn’t come out because she knew she could make more money as a male model who looked like a woman than she could doing the same thing but identifying as a woman. Her whole career was relying on this one difference. I told them I was not this. They had no use for me. So I started my own agency.”

We had done a few photoshoots, all of which involved me in all black with my silver-blond hair, gaunt face, and crooked left ear front-and-center. I was not shaping up to be a Tadzio. I was 5’6”, my personal brand of androgyny was more evocative of clear and present illness than of foppish wastrel, my head was the size of a jovian planet, I had tattoos that I didn’t feel like showing, I wore drapey clothing that managed to convey the suggestion that I had a body somewhere without actually having to show it. My hair, which had held the same side-part for my entire life, would not do anything except lay exactly the way it wanted to. Mateja had been putting me in all-black turtlenecks for our shoots because they apparently emphasized my jawline. I hated turtlenecks enthusiastically, but I liked Mateja, so I endured. By the time we were halfway through one of our photoshoots, a roll of film in an empty room at the Neue Schule für Fotografie, filled with cracked mirrors that refracted the late-afternoon sunlight across the distinctly DDR parquet flooring, I was ready to shave my hair off and go around for the next months wearing a scarf-wig, Little Edie in Grey Gardens style, clad in a monk’s robe. I had seen myself standing in every unflattering angle I could possibly achieve in every cracked mirror that shot beams of Minority Report lighting across my face and washed out my nose. I sat on a dinosaur of a desk that had been pushed to the wall while Mateja changed a film roll, squinting out at the sunset over a particularly dingy part of Mitte. I had shown up to the photoshoot with only the clothes I was wearing, an attempt to avoid the bringing-up of a tight black turtleneck. The shirt I had chosen had a band collar and was loose. She did not express disapproval of it, but it was most likely not what she would have chosen, either.

“I think what we concentrate on the most is your face and your hands,” Mateja said. She began to take photos of me as I sat on the desk. “These are your best features.” My hands? They were German Expressionist monstrosities disproportionate to the rest of my body, but I did like them. My face, though? At times I was at peace with it, at other times I wanted to take my fingernails and gore it into unrecognizability. I had strong bone structure because I was sick, not because I was effortlessly beautiful like the Tadzios. None of this would have been interesting to Mateja, who simply commented on how good I was at sitting still and catching the best light with the slightest inclinations of my head. I was just trying to hide that damn ear.

Later that summer, Mateja asked me if I was interested in doing a group photo series for a fashion publication called Achtung, shot by a Köln-based photographer named Eva, centered around Mateja’s fashion endeavor and showcasing some of the agency’s talent. As it happened, the photoshoot was to be the day Sam and I left Berlin for our overnight through-the-whole-Czech-Republic odyssey to Vienna. “Eva says she wants to do some shots of us individually, then as groups, just in the apartment, then at night to go out and photograph us at some bars,” Mateja said. “I explained to her and the magazine what we expected of pronouns, proper language, things like this. They told us to bring several pieces of clothing that we feel the most comfortable in, our favorite things to wear.” I agreed to the daytime photoshoot, noting that I would not make the evening half of the project because I had a bus to catch with a friend.

It was July and a massive heat-wave was preparing to seize all of Germany by the throat and hold it fast all the way until the end of August. It was already smoldering in Bavaria and Austria, but had not yet crept up to Berlin. I could still comfortably spend a day outdoors in black shitkicker Docs, heavy black knee-socks, black schoolboy shorts, a white collared button-down, a crust punk neckerchief, and a black blazer with the lapels covered in buttons and brooches, inspired by Rik Mayall’s moody anarchist character from The Young Ones. In Berlin nobody looks twice if you wear the same outfit for a month. It felt only right that this should be the ensemble I brought along.

I think I was the most difficult to style. In attendance were Mateja, a young transwoman from München named Kim, Mateja’s genderqueer roommate whose name I don’t remember, a model and fashion designer named Leni with a look and backstory very similar to Mateja’s, and myself. The two stylists from the magazine looked at what I was wearing, evaluated my face, and made an executive decision: turtlenecks. Put him in turtlenecks. I wanted to scream. My foray into modeling was shaping up to be one backless infinite wardrobe filled with Hermès turtlenecks. “These make your face look incredible,” said the stylists to me in German. “Much more masculine jawline.” I didn’t want a masculine jawline. “Was für ein Gesicht,” Eva said as she snapped photos.

Exactly none of the clothes I was put into were clothes I would wear in any setting ever. Giant 1970s flared pants with platform-heel boots and turtlenecks, awful leather pants and Gucci jean jackets and turtlenecks, everything shot from the front to avoid acknowledging that Sam and I had cut my hair the night before with what could have been a chainsaw and a cheese knife, the crooked ear front-and-center again. I wanted to demand to know why my own clothes didn’t suffice. No, it wasn’t sleek, but neither was punk, neither was queer. I thought about the crust punks who hung out around Warschauer Straße with their dogs and their witty cardboard signs, about the squatters who tromped around Kreuzberg in their boots and bandannas. Did the people from this magazine know nothing about this?

After the main shoot began wrapping up, I got back into my clothes while Mateja and everyone else suited up for their night out, choosing other clothes to bring along for wardrobe changes. Mateja’s first outfit was a slim-cut suit with no shirt underneath, and Leni put on a matching ensemble. Together they put on music and danced while Eva snapped photos, them waiting for it to get dark enough for phase two, me waiting for the right time to leave. They moved like cats, tossing their hair about and embracing each other. I stood to the side, watching and holding my backpack which held enough CLIF bars to last Sam and I through our entire Austrian trek in the coming 36 hours. At some point Eva noticed me, my buttons, my boots, and called me over to snap a picture of me, just standing there, still holding my backpack, in front of this wall, dance music still blaring. Somewhere out there that picture exists. Months later, when Mateja met up with me to give me a hard copy of the magazine, she sighed and simply said, “I don’t know if I’m happy with this series. Eva did very well shooting us, but I think the magazine missed the point.”

[foundcarcosa]

ccvii.

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? >> Height isn’t important to me. I’m slightly taller than Can Calah, shorter than Eden, and substantially smaller in general than Vinternoll, and that’s the way I like it. (I am usually around the same height in headspace as I am in meatspace) 2: What’s your dream pet (real or not)? >> Gaudior the winged unicorn (A Swiftly Tilting Planet)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? >> I have quite a few favourite clothing styles. I’ll always be some sort of goth at heart, I will say.

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? >> My favourite computer games were The Logical Journey of the Zoombinis and Alien Tales. I had like a weird kid-crush on Sal of deCentury, the alien game show host... (and who at all is surprised)

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: >> Oh, I don’t know.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? >> Warning: Black Carcosa is a caustic irradiated substance. Prolonged contact with Black Carcosa may cause severe mental deterioration, burns and lesions (or legions, even), and enhanced delusions of reference. Please consult your psychologist before engaging Black Carcosa. Keep away from children, pets, your electronics, and anything else whose innocence and integrity you hold dear.

7: What is your Greek personality type (Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic)? >> Primarily Phlegmatic, it seems.

8: Are you ticklish? >> Not usually.

9: Are you allergic to anything? >> No.

10: What’s your sexuality? >> There are a lot of things I’d gladly fuck, but not a whole lot of humans.

11: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? >> I greatly prefer tea.

12: Are you a cat or dog person? >> My preference leans towards dogs.

13: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? >> I identify most with elves, out of the three. 

14: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? >> No.

15: How tall are you? >> 5′4″.

16: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? >> I’d like to not wish to change my name anymore, actually.

17: How much do you weigh? >> Somewhere between 130 and 135 lbs.

18: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? >> I am open to the experience.

19: Do you like space or the ocean more? >> I am more interested in what lies beyond this planet than what lies on it, although this planet is also extremely fascinating in all its complexity.

20: Are you religious? >> Intensely.

21: Pet peeves? >> Passivity.

22: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal (opposite of nocturnal)? >> I... am fine being mostly nocturnal.

23: Favorite constellation? >> Orion. Always Orion.

24: Favorite star? >> I haven’t chosen one.

25: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? >> Sure, especially custom ones.

26: Any phobias or fears? >> Meh.

27: Do you think global warming is real? >> I understand climate change as a process that occurs, yes.

28: Do you believe in reincarnation? >> I am open to the experience.

29: Favorite movie? >> The Fountain / Interstellar.

30: Do you get scared easily? >> No.

31: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? >> I used to take care of a couple of cats, for a short time. Fyodor and Hela. But almost all of the pets I’ve lived with have technically been under the custodianship of others.

32: What is a color that calms you? >> Soft, slightly desaturated bluish-grey.

33: Where would you like to travel and/or live? >> I would prefer to live in New Orleans and travel anywhere.

34: Where were you born? >> Elizabeth, New Jersey.

35: What is your eye color? >> Dark brown.

36: Introvert or extrovert? >> Mostly introvert. Entirely disinterested in “introvert culture”.

37: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? >> I am open to the experience (and especially attracted to astrology, as I’m sure my reblogs suggest).

38: Hugs or kisses? >> Meh.

39: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? >> I’m fine not doing that.

40: Who is someone you love deeply? >> Can Calah.

41: Any piercings you want? >> Sure, if the opportunity presented itself. My focus is mostly on tattoos.

42: Do you like tattoos and piercings? >> Quite.

43: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? >> I smoke occasionally.

44: Talk about your crush, if you have one! >> My crushes at this point are pretty much celebrities and fictional characters, which is to say I have way too many of them to answer this question.

45: What is a sound you really hate? >> Mouth sounds.

46: A sound you really love? >> The sounds people make when they’re aroused but trying to keep it together.

47: Can you do a backflip? >> Not even a little bit. I saw a video where someone taught himself how to do backflips in a single afternoon. I was duly impressed.

48: Can you do the splits? >> No.

49: Favorite actor and/or actress? >> Idris Elba. Actress... maybe Rutina Wesley.

50: Favorite book? >> Ha!

51: How are you feeling right now? >> Neutral.

52: What color would you like your hair to be right now? >> I really don’t care.

53: When did you feel happiest? >> ---

54: Something that calms you down? >> Time.

55: Have any mental disorders? >> I’m more than pretty sure I do, but I haven’t been properly diagnosed a day in my life.

56: What does your URL mean? >> It was a play on “Lost Carcosa”. It eventually came to just represent... me. Now it’s a brand of sorts, so I am loath to use any other username (save for blackThirteen, which I sometimes use on websites where it’s not already taken by someone else; blackThirteen + foundCarcosa = blackCarcosa, which is what I really should be using, but it’s a little late now).

57: What three words describe you the most? >> Just three? Ha!

58: Do you believe in evolution? >> I have been convinced of evolution’s veracity.

59: What makes you unfollow a blog? >> Over a month of inactivity or a change to content that doesn’t interest me are the two main reasons I unfollow. Sometimes I unfollow for things like political platforming or too much unsourced content or having too much of the same kind of content on my dashboard or... any number of reasons, really. Sometimes a person’s opinion (or the way they present their opinion) just pisses me off and I’m not invested enough in the blog to keep them around anyway.

60: What makes you follow a blog? >> Content that I enjoy, usually. It’s pretty simple. Sometimes I have compulsive following sprees and then I have to prune later, which is a thing about myself that I’ve just gotten used to.

61: Favorite kind of person: >> Right.

62: Favorite animal(s): >> Snakes, spiders, otters, capybaras, and so on.

63: Name three of your favorite blogs. >> transistorxiii, lilithsconcubine (bet money she’ll have changed her url again by the time I post this, lmao), coldalbion.

64: Favorite emoticon: >> The cry-laughing one. I abuse the shit out of that face.

65: Favorite meme: >> Right now, probably BONELESS or that one image with the guy and the two girls that is so goddamn versatile that I haven’t gotten sick of it yet despite the fact that it’s everywhere.

66: What is your MBTI personality type? >> My last result was INTJ. I don’t care much for MBTI anymore.

67: What is your star sign? >> Gemini sun, Gemini moon, Scorpio rising, etc etc.

68: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? >> ---

69: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? >> Ghast brand rave pants and a Doctor Strange shirt, it seems.

70: Post a selfie or two? >> http://foundcarcosa.tumblr.com/tagged/this-malleable-shell

71: Do you have platform shoes? >> I don’t.

72: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? >> I used to be extremely competent at Guitar Hero / Rock Band because back when those games were popular, Best Buy and Circuit City would have stations set up in their stores where you could play them; and because I was homeless and tumblr wasn’t invented to become my biggest timesink yet, I would just stay in the stores playing guitar games all day. So I got good at it. As one does.

73: Can you do a front flip? >> No.

74: Do you like birds? >> Sure.

75: Do you like to swim? >> I can’t swim, so I don’t know if I’d like it or not. I mean, probably.

76: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? >> I can’t do either.

77: Something you wish didn’t exist: >> Meh.

78: Some thing you wish did exist: >> Everything I can conceive does exist... in some form, on some plane.

79: Piercings you have? >> Earlobes and septum.

80: Something you really enjoy doing: >> Playing video games.

81: Favorite person to talk to: >> Can Calah.

82: What was your first impression of Tumblr? >> I was extremely confused by tumblr when I first tried it out. So I abandoned it for a little over a year, and then I had to make a new account when I came back because I’d forgotten the login for the old one.

83: How many followers do you have? >> Here, 629.

84: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? >> I can’t run a mile, period.

85: Do your socks always match? >> No. I don’t bother matching my socks. Mismatched ones are more fun, anyway.

86: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? >> No.

87: What are your birthstones? >> Emerald, I think? I forget the other.

88: If you were an animal, which one would you be? >> *waggles Mordred’s spidery legs*

89: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? >> Probably a black calla lily.

90: A store you hate? >> Abercrombie and Fitch. Their store is fragranced or something. Like they put cologne swatches in the air ducts. IDFK. It’s aggravating. Also, I hate that kind of fashion.

91: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? >> I usually drink zero. 

92: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? >> Flying is more interesting than being Sookie Stackhouse.

93: Do you like to wear camo? >> No.

94: Winter or summer? >> I have a preference for winter.

95: How long can you hold your breath for? >> I don’t know.

96: Least favorite person? >> ---

97: Someone you look up to: >> *insert obvious joke here*

98: A store you love? >> Trash & Vaudeville. I wonder if it’s closed / moved yet.

99: Favorite type of shoes >> I prefer combat boot type shoes.

100: Where do you live? >> *grumbles*

101: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? >> Pescatarian. I just don’t care for meat much. I’ll eat a chicken sandwich sometimes, but otherwise I’ll stick to seafood.

102: What is your favorite mineral or gem? >> Smoky quartz is nice. Bismuth is cool as shit. Geodes are where it’s at, though.

103: Do you drink milk? >> No.

104: Do you like bugs? >> Most of them, yeah.

105: Do you like spiders? >> My children. <3

106: Something you get paranoid about? >> My physical health, sometimes.

107: Can you draw?: >> I can. I can’t draw well, though.

108: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? >> I don’t know. Nosy questions don’t bother me, though.

109: A question you hate being asked? >> Anything regarding my gender. Like, who cares. Stop boring me.

110: Ever been bitten by a spider? >> Not that I’m aware of.

111: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? >> Oh, yes.

112: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? >> It depends on how I feel that day in general. Either is good, but sometimes one is definitely better than the other.

113: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: >> ---

114: Favorite cloud type: >> Definitely cumulonimbus.

115: What color do you wish the sky was? >> My eyes interpret the sky as a variety of colours depending on time of day, weather conditions, and what pair of sunglasses I have on, and you know what, that’s good enough for me.

116: Do you have freckles? >> No.

117: Favorite thing about a person: >> ---

118: Fruits or vegetables? >> All of the above.

119: Something you want to do right now: >> I’m fine with what I’m doing.

120: Is the ocean or sky prettier? >> How could I possibly choose one over the other...? I like it best when I can observe both at the same time, actually. Maximum loveliness.

121: Sweet or sour foods? >> Savoury, spicy, sour. Sweetness only as a balancing agent.

122: Bright or dim lights? >> Dim and diffuse, always.

123: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? >> I am open to all experiences.

124: Something you hate about Tumblr: >> The poor functionality bits. Coding issues, inefficiency in design, stuff I can’t do anything about because I don’t work there.

125: Something you love about Tumblr: >> Everything else, more or less. I wouldn’t spend so much time here if I wasn’t genuinely enjoying myself.

126: What do you think about the least? >> How would I know?

127: What would you want written on your tombstone? >> I am not interested in a tombstone at all.

128: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? >> Someone sexy who had a kink for being punched in the face.

129: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? >> The fact that I am so easily bored and so interested in experience leads to interesting experiences and a tendency to be open to new things... but sometimes it just leads to recklessness and irritability.

130: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? >> Yeah, most of the time.

131: Computer or TV? >> Computer, which is often used as a television anyway.

132: Do you like roller coasters? >> I do.

133: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? >> No.

134: Are your ears free or attached? >> Unattached.

135: Do you believe in karma? >> The original concept of karma is more understandable to me than the modern colloquial definition.

136: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? >> I’m a solid 8 to myself, but you know.

137: What nicknames do you have/have had? >> Rev, Eddie, and Dio are my most used nicknames as of now.

138: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? >> I have always had Companions.

139: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? >> Yes.

140: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? >> It doesn’t matter to me either way.

141: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? >> I love to give gifts, but I also love to receive them. No reason I should have to choose. What I hate is compulsory gift exchanging. Miss me completely with that bull mess.

142: What makes you angry?: >> Eh.

143: How many languages do you speak fluently? >> One.

144: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? >> Meh.

145: Are you androgynous? >> More or less.

146: Favorite physical thing about yourself: >> I am pretty fond of my facial shape and features, and the kinda “greyboy” androgynous shape of my body. Also, this melanin is poppin. I would gladly take a little more, even.

147: Favorite thing about your personality: >> What’s a personality?

148: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. >> Meh?

149: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? >> Why would I do that?

150: Do you like BuzzFeed? >> It hasn’t given me reason to dislike it.

151: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? >> I met Sparrow on tumblr.

152: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? >> No.

153: Do you like to play with others’ hair? >> That used to be a big stim of mine, but Tommy, my first boyfriend, broke me out of that pretty badly and I never got back into it. It’s like a mental block now. Aggravating.

154: What embarrasses you? >> Meh?

155: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: >> ---

156: Biggest lie you have ever told: >> I have no idea.

157: How many people are you following? >> 1,047 right now.

158: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? >> This will be #20,540.

159: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? >> 6.

160: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? >> 87,104.

161: Last time you cried and why: >> The last memory of crying that I have is when I was listening to these videos of Pearl Jam songs with just the vocals and guitar solos isolated. I lost my shit in the middle of “Black” and the only reason I remember is because I thought to myself, fucking hell, some tumblr survey is going to ask me about the last time I cried and I’m gonna have to tell the congregation that I cried because I love Eddie Vedder too much and I started laughing like an idiot.

162: Do you have long or short hair? >> Short. Very short.

163: Longest your hair has ever been: >> To my shoulders, I think, as a child. Not including weaves, braids, and so on.

164: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion? >> I love religion because... oh, I don’t know. It’s one of those things I don’t question too much because I’m not sure it has an easy answer. It just deeply resonates with me, is all. Yes, the whole concept of religion. Not any specific one, or anything. Just the root of it all. I don’t like what people do with religion a lot of the time, not at all... but whatever. People gonna people.

165: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? >> Well, sure. It’s fucking fascinating. Even if the theories are only theories, they’re still interesting to me. I’ll probably never know, but that won’t ever stop me from being curious.

166: Do you like to wear makeup? >> Yes.

167: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? >> No.

168: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? >> Sure.

[tumblunni]

Man its so weird to think back and see how many signs there were that I was transgender long before I realized it. I was SO fucking oblivious, I had no clue that being nonbinary was even an option, all I knew was 'well I don't wanna be the opposite gender but I don't wanna be the one I was assigned at birth'. (Except obviously I didn't even know the correct words to describe it) And like... I bought into A LOT of horrible transphobic bullshit, cos I was raised with a biased view of what being transgender even is. 'Trans-sexual people are turned on by wearing women's clothes'. Ugh. And I was completely disgusted by it, since I'm a sex repulsed asexual and everything about foreplay or whatever disgusts me. My parents and pop culture and stuff all treated it like trans people were the equivelant of someone into BDSM wearing nipple clamps out in public or something. 'Well in theory I have nothing against them having that kink, but why do they have to show it in public?' Being trans was ALWAYS only shown as 'oo kinky I like to crossdress in the bedroom', as if it was a fucking sexuality, as if there was NO OTHER REASON why someone would wanna wear the 'wrong' clothes and use the 'wrong' pronouns. I felt viscerally disgusted at myself whenever I didn't want to wear my birth gender's cliche outfits, I denied absolutely everything cos I didn't want people to think I was a pervert. I didn't even know it was POSSIBLE to be transgender and asexual, or even that being transgender wasn't the same as being gay! I said SO MUCH fucking horrible transphobic and homophobic stuff as a kid, just parroting what I was told, and overcompensating for hating myself by making it clear I hated everyone remotely similar to me. While being in huge denial that they were similar to me! And I'm gonna carry these regrets forever and always worry that I stopped someone else from feeling comfortable about theirself and just... GAHH! And I did all the same too about parroting stereotypes of 'crazy people' and 'r*tards' before I learned that this big ol stereotype about autism was bullshit and real autistic people look EXACTLY LIKE MYSELF It just makes me think a lot about how many other people out there might be trans and not have the ability to find out because they've been buried so utterly in this false, bigoted image of what a trans person actually is. Tho also I hate the dumb stereotype that 'all homophobes are secretly gay', like seriously wtf why u wanna escape all responsibility for your actions and say the only problem is gay people systemically oppressing THEMSELVES... ANYWAY I went off on a sad train of thought there but back to the point! I'm just remembering this one part of a school trip that was like one of my most treasured memories for no logical reason until I realised I was trans. I met a new classmate and he mistook me for the opposite gender, and I was like 'HOLY SHIT WHY AM I HAPPY' until someone else 'corrected' him. I mean.. I knew I wasn't that gender either, but it felt like a weight off my shoulders to at least be misgendered the opposite way for once. I felt inexplicably happy that I was looking ambiguous enough to even be in question! And this was when I was like 11, I had no clue what word to even assign to these feelings... And I mean, it was SO DUMB that I never noticed these signs! This is what internalized transphobia does to you! Like 'hey there's probably no reason at all why I always play as a different gender ever time I buy a pokemon game, and get this self hatey feeling in my gut when both options have very stereotypically gendered costumes'. And 'wow there sure is no reason why I got inexplicably attached to this genderless character and can't stop thinking about ways to prove they aren't real'. Seriously all that debate about 'quina is really a girl/boy' with weird evidence in stat builds and equip items and stuff! I got REALLY into that transphobic bullshit cos it was something that shook up my perception of the world and I felt like if not being either gender was ACTUALLY AN OPTION then id have to address painful things about myself. If I knew I could be that, I couldn't keep lying to myself. So I went in aggressive denial mode and missed this chance to come out of the closet at like 9 years old and save myself a damn lot of trouble! And then I just went through the same bullshit at 14 with Chrona from Soul Eater, and could not explain why on earth I was so upset that the English dub assigned them a random gender instead of translating it properly... And OH MAN how fucking dysphoric I was about puberty even before I knew that dysphoria was a thing! It was like 'hey look you're growing up!' 'NO IM NOT DEAR GOD NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN'. And that led to this stupid thing of me just saying 'well I have the mental age of a seven year old LOL' to excuse whenever I acted 'weird'. My forum avatar and stuff was a doodle of myself in chibi form, etc. (Even literally wearing chest binding... I only knee at the time that it was 'a martial arts thing' tho.) Like, I'd got all these messages that not wanting sex was 'childish' and not wanting my body to change was obviously 'immature', and when I was undiagnosed with mental illness and trying yo make up excuses for how I TOTALKY didn't have a mental illness, all I could say was 'ha ha I'm totally uhh... Doing it on purpose? Cos I'm so... Quirky?' I got obsessed with overacting as a class clown, cos I mean you can also excuse cross dressing as a thing that 'the comic relief character' does... And OH MAN, like my big Special Interest throughout all of high school was Norse myth, more specifically Loki. I was FASCINATED with the idea of a shape shifter who could be either gender, and was completely unashamed about it. And, of course, I used to play it off as 'ha ha isn't it so funny he turned into a girl', when I seriously did not have any clue WHY it was funny, I just thought I had to say it. It HAD to be the reason I was so sympathetic yo this character, right? Because he's A FUNNY JOKE?? And man then I got so obsessed with researching non gendered English pronouns from the 18th century and championing how they should totally come back into modern language and EVEN THEN I was in denial! It took until I played Magical Diary to realise 'well fuck I'm trans'. It took a game outright saying that these genderless pronouns arent just 'to be inclusive of both genders' but can be used for A THIRD GENDER, A GENDERLESS GENDER, A BOTH AND/OR NEITHER GENDER!! A game saying that this gender does exist in human beings, and EVEN THEN I took ages to be sure that it was really real and not just a fantasy thing that the game made up. I mean, quina was totally only genderless cos they're a magical creature, right? (Completely ignoring the fact that the other two members of that magical creature town are both male...) And just.... AAAAAAA I feel like I'm the human personification of that 'no Patrick, put it on the lid' meme No, you're trans. No, TRANS. Trans, bunni! TRANS!! This is what societal prejudices do to people. Even LGBTQ people usually grow up within homophobic, transphobic society, absorbing all the same messages. It destroys our ability to be okay with being ourselves... Its so fucking sad that this happened to me, and it hurts even more to think of all the times I said insensitive offensive stuff to other LGBTQ people back when I thought I was cis and straight... Gahhhh... ALSO, it makes me extra sad that Summon Night: Swordcraft Story 2 never got released in Europe. There's a character there called Arno who's NB and very out about it, and the English translators didn't make a mess of it, or anything. People actually call Arno 'they', and literally their catchphrase is 'Are you a boy or a girl?' 'I'm just a child of the wind~' Like seriously NO ambiguity, character actually getting to dish out sick burns when being misgendered, absolutely NO room for the ol 'well they just don't MENTION a gender, it doesn't mean they were intended to be nonbinary' excuse. Arno outright stating 'I am not a boy, and I an not a girl'. And your protagonist respecting it! Arno is still my absolute fave best handled nonbinary character in all of games. And the summon night series is very inclusive with a lot of gay romance options! Its a shame tho that the only other game with a nonbinary character was never dubbed even in america. But apparently the protags of previous games get a cameo in the upcoming Summon Night 6 which finally will be released in Europe! I just hope they handle Corlal's pronouns respectfully, considering how they managed to do it so well a decade ago with Arno. But then again the Swordcraft Story series is a spinoff so the main games might have different translators? Anyway, let me hug my tiny enby dragon child! Also I'm sad the cellphone app trading card game never got dubbed either, cos Corlal got some cute cards for the valentine's day event. All three dragon kids just got adorable scenes making platonic family chocolate for their siblings cos they're too young to really participate. And they thankfully got super cute totally non-lolicon maid and butler outfits like SERIOUSLY THANK GOD FOR THAT! Just cute ten year olds playing dressup like normal kids. Corlal got two cards for that one! Them being nonbinary continues to be 100% canon, they got a version with both a dress and a tuxedo. AND ITS SO FUCKING CUTE MY GOD ...man I'm sorry this just went off topic into how great that series is But anyway! If I've ever said anything that offends you, please message me about it! I'm still unlearning a lot of internalized prejudice. Also if you want a quality nonbinary werewolf in a cool side scrolling GBA jrpg, look for Arno! Im on mobile rite now so I can't send links n stuff, but as soon as I finish moving my PC desk to the other room I shall spam you all with my obscure fandom's!!!

[doom-ocean]

One of them blog surveys

Haven't done one of these in a while. Instead of having people ask me from a list of questions, I'm gonna do it old school and just answer all the questions listed. 1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I am fine with being 6 foot even 2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Do infinite wish granting genies count? 3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? plain ol jeans n tshirt 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Star Ocean 2. 88 different fuckin endings! 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: not being sober, hating life, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I dunno, food. 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? WARNING: MONSTROUS ASSHOLE 7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? n/a 8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]: Unsurprisingly, melancholic. 9: Are you ticklish? Yes. 10: Are you allergic to anything? Stupidity! lololololololol. But actually, kind of allergic to the tree fluff in the spring, and possibly sunlight. I get lil hives in the summer time. 11: What’s your sexuality? Het'roseksuel 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Neither 13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cats over dogs. 14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Vampire, I guess. 15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? No. 16: How tall are you? 6ft 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Farty McCrablice 18: How much do you weigh? been hovering in the 170s for a little while. Heaviest I've ever been. It's a big achievement for someone who has been disgustingly skinny his whol life. 19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Tricky question. I'm like 90% sure I lived in a haunted house for a year, but haven't experienced much since then. 20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Both are equally terrifying, but space is cooler than the ocean, for sure. 21: Are you religious? Not at all. 22: Pet peeves? lol just about everything. So fuckin sick of it all. 23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal: Yes. 24: Favorite constellation? All are fine. Stars are neat to look at regardless of their formation from our perspective. 25: Favorite star? Betelgeuse. Only because every time I go outside at night I look up to see if it has exploded yet. 26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? uhhh... what? 27: Any phobias or fears? Drowning, falling, flying stinging insects. butterflies and moths. 28: Do you think global warming is real? It is, though I don't think it is as bad as hippies are trying to get us to believe. I grew up in a time where smoking indoors [including malls] was normal, so I know that a lot of smoke that can't leave combined with heat = more heat. On that note, China and India need to get their shit together. Carbon taxes are fucking stupid. 29: Do you believe in reincarnation? No, but it'd be cool to get another chance at life since I fucked this one up. 30: Favorite movie? None at the moment. Used to be Goonies. 31: Do you get scared easily? Not really. 32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime? 3 kitties. 33: Blog rate? n/a 34: What is a color that calms you? smoked cannabis green. 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Meh, the way the world is going, nowhere is worth visiting. 36: Where were you born? Canada. 37: What is your eye color? Blue. 38: Introvert or extrovert? intro. 39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? Lol no. The position of the stars millions/billions of lightyears away ha no affect on a persons personality. 40: Hugs or kisses? I've gone many a year without either, and have grown accustomed to the lack of physical contact. The idea of either of those weirds me out, now. 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? My best friend. 42: Who is someone you love deeply? n/a 43: Any piercings you want? had both my ears and my dingdong pierced at one point. Not any more. 44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? 10 years ago. 45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? I smoked cigarettes for 13 years, switched to a vaporizer a year ago. 46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! n/a 47: What is a sound you really hate? metal scraping on metal/stone/ceramic. Harley Davidson motorcycles. 48: A sound you really love? Fart sounds. I will never not laugh at them. 49: Can you do a backflip? No. 50: Can you do the splits? Lol no. 51: Favorite actor and/or actress? n/a 52: Favorite movie? already asked. 53: How are you feeling right now? Sober and gassy. 54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? The way it is. 55: When did you feel happiest? Happiness is incidental and temporary. 56: Something that calms you down? the tweeds. 57: Have any mental disorders? some form of depression. Not going to find out as therapists are by and large feminist and I'd rather not be told I'm depressed because of my masculinity. Could you imagine if a therapist told a gay dude he'd be happier if he stopped acting so gay? Yeah. 58: What does your URL mean? I like doom metal, and the ocean is a common theme within the genre. 59: What three words describe you the most? Unpleasant. 60: Do you believe in evolution? It's not a belief. 61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Generally overt dogmatic beliefs of both religious and non religious varieties. 62: What makes you follow a blog? Something that makes me laugh, or in the case of this site, someone who seems to be level headed. 63: Favorite kind of person: someone that is smart enough to stay away from me. 64: Favorite animal(s): Cats of all kinds except the hairless ones. 65: Name three of your favorite blogs. matt ruins your shit, SYABM, (insert your name here). 66: Favorite emoticon: n/a (although you can tell how old this is as it is called an emoticon and not an emoji) 67: Favorite meme: hate me all you want, but 'poo in loo' made me laugh like a hyena when I first encountered it. Also the " I Do not associate with..." one because the kid's accent made it funny. 68: What is your MBTI personality type? no idea, not gonna bother with it 69: What is your star sign? the ram 70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? n/a 71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? I only rock jeans and a t shirt 72: Post a selfie or two? Easiest way to see what I look like is to go to your preferred search engine, go to the 'images' section and then type in "disgusting pile of shit" 73: Do you have platform shoes? I'm not short, nor am I a girl in the 70s or mid to late 90s. 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I am left handed. 75: Can you do a front flip? no. 76: Do you like birds? I. fucking. hate. birds. 77: Do you like to swim? No. Whenever I would go swimming, I'd always come close to drowning. I don't swim anymore. 78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Skating probably, though I haven't done it since I was 12. 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Winter. 80: Some thing you wish did exist: Matter transporters or replicators. Star Trek style. 81: Piercings you have? lready asked. 82: Something you really enjoy doing: Not much these days. The last Aalbum I wrote was titled Anhedonia.... kinda says it all. 83: Favorite person to talk to: My one and only friend. 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? "Amateur porn that isn't terribly staged? Yes please! And then of course like a week after I join they got rid of all of it. Pff. Ams dildos. 85: How many followers do you have? one, I think. 86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I don't run for anyone. 87: Do your socks always match? Yes. It bothers me immensely otherwise. 88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? I've never been able to do that. Need my hammies massaged and stretched. 89: What are your birthstones? Diamond I think. 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? One that doesn't exist. 91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Either a crapweed or stenchblossom. 92: A store you hate? WalMart. I used to work there. 93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? I don't drink coffee. Smells nice, but tastes awful. 94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Read minds. 95: Do you like to wear camo? I am not a hick that listens to Five Finger Death Punch, so no. 96: Winter or summer? Summer always. Fuck winter. 97: How long can you hold your breath for? no idea. 98: Least favorite person? Most people, really. 99: Someone you look up to: people that are taller than me. Badumtsss. 100: A store you love? Guitar stores. 101: Favorite type of shoes: shoes that't don't wear out after 6 months. 102: Where do you live? Canada. 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? No. 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Dunno.... emerald? 105: Do you drink milk? Occasionally. 106: Do you like bugs? Spiders and dragonflies are cool because they eat the shittier bugs, but generally, no. 107: Do you like spiders? See above. 108: Something you get paranoid about? People talking shit about me. Getting fired. Any time a boss type calls to me I get scared thinking I'm gonna get fired for being a piece of shit. 109: Can you draw: Sometimes I draw something awesome, but mostly I draw very poorly. 110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? "Are you single?" 111: A question you hate being asked? "Why don't you want a girlfriend?" 112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Not that I know of. 113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Dunno. I've been at a lake with a sandy beach, but lakes don't really have waves like oceans do. I've never been to the ocean before. 114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Either or. As long as it's not snowing. 115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: I'd like to give Christina Aguilera the ol in out, still. 116: Favorite cloud type: The big'ns. Cumulonimbus or whatever it is. 117: What color do you wish the sky was? Clear. Seeing the stars 24 hours a day would be sweet. 118: Do you have freckles? no. 119: Favorite thing about a person: rather non specific quesiton. I like a feminine figure. 120: Fruits or vegetables? Either or. 121: Something you want to do right now: Get hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. 122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? probably the sky. 123: Sweet or sour foods? sweet. Sour gives me heartburn these days :( 124: Bright or dim lights? in between 125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? No. 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: The same thing everyone else hates lol. Feminists and SJWs 127: Something you love about Tumblr: USED TO BE THE PORN. Pff 128: What do you think about the least? most things. 129: What would you want written on your tombstone? I don't intend to be buried. 130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Many people.Bullies I had in school, former friends, etc. 131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? Being left handed. You have no fucking idea how much it sucks to play guitar as a lefty. Eithe guitars are cheap pieces of shit, or mad pricey 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? No. I hate being picturelated 133: Computer or TV? Comp. 134: Do you like roller coasters? No. 135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Never been on the sea. 136: Are your ears lobed or attached? My ears have lobes and are attached to my head. 137: Do you believe in karma? No. 138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? Cleaned up and on a good day from the right angle I could probably pass for a soft 5. 139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Fag was one of them. 140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? No. 141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? No. 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? I'm not sure, but with the way things have gone for me probably bad. 143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Meh. 144: What makes you angry. Most things. I am easily annoyed. 145: How many languages do you speak fluently? English. 146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? there are only males and females. 147: Are you androgynous? No. 148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: Occasionally i'm like "Snap I got a big one" but then reality kicks in. 149: Favorite thing about your personality: it keeps people away from me. 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. I only know one person that isn't family. 151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? I'd go back to being 18 and do it all over again, hopefully with fewer mistakes. 152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Lol no. 153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] n/a 154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No. I'm not keen on physical contact. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? No. Gross. 156: What embarrasses you? Being alive. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Being alive. 158: Biggest lie you have ever told: "I'm good" when asked "how are you?" 159: How many people are you following? like 6. 160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? more than one. 161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none. 162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? none? 163: Last time you cried and why: My first cat had to be put down because of intestinal cancer. 164: Do you have long or short hair? Short. 165: Longest your hair has ever been: Past my shoulders. 166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religeon? While you could say that the big bang, and the idea of an all powerful being being equally ridiculous, the fact that one involves magic is what makes me stay away from it. So roughly 2000 years ago magic existed and people lived up to and well over 200 years old? Nah. 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Not really. It'd be a cool thing to know, but aside from that I don't think it has much to do with anything going on in our lives, or any future person's life. 168: Do you like to wear makeup? I do not. I didn't even like kissing girlfriends when they had lipstick on. I didn't like the feeling of shumutz on my lips. Also the waxy taste was weird. 169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Back when I was a wee one I could do both.... while leaned up against a wall. 170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes. OR DID I?